#and i was like damn okay yknow what? this DOES hurt more than my normal pain and i AM miserable maybe theyll help

[pink-goblin]

im never going to the ER ever again

[venvellan]

da2's arishok is a good villain. if you have a fundamental understanding of the qun and listen to his thought process, the things he does makes sense. he uses the qun to justify slaughtering kirkwall's people, which is utterly inexcusable and what makes him a villain, but his character is complex enough to make dealing with him that much more thought provoking. he sends agents to kill petrice because she was killing his people, he doesn't give up the elves because they committed their lives to the qun, no matter how recently they converted, and he refuses to leave without the tome (and isabela) because his idea of justice hasn't been done. his logic makes sense, generally, though it is wrong on more than one occasion. he isn't moral, but he is methodical.

i feel this way about solas, too. i like da2's arishok for the same reasons that initially draw people to solas, i think. when we meet them, i find them interesting and educational to talk to, someone worthy of respect, and someone very honorable in their own way. similarly, many of my issues with solas compare with flaws in the qun/the arishok.

solas asserts that all of his beliefs are correct, and we're never allowed to challenge him on any of it. if he has high enough approval, he'll approach you to go, "yknow, i thought you were all [insert prejudice or stereotype] but YOU showed me that some of you guys are actually okay," which is NOT what it looks like for someone's beliefs to be challenged.

brief aside, i want to be fair in that we don't get this opportunity with many of the companions, and it's not even an inquisition specific issue. the dialogue format is agree, joke, be mean, and it's flawed, but it works in the majority of interactions. we don't really get to engage in nuanced discussions with characters, but there are positives and negatives to the system overall. it is possible to challenge and shape a character within this dialogue system (i.e., garrus vakarian) but in dragon age that really only comes in the form of harden/unharden. it was a little more doable with origins' system, but it really hasn't been a huge part of any dragon age game. most characters' beliefs remain largely unchanged by you regardless of how you play.

solas also possesses a strong sense of duty and purpose, though what duty he has, what his true goals are, he keeps hidden as long as he can. the most damning comparison though, to me, is how willing he is to destroy the world and bring back "his people," while the qunari fight to conquer the world and homogenize society into "their people."

in any case, with both him and the arishok, you can see the wheels turning in their heads. you can see why they do what they do, even if it's wholly immoral. it makes their threat a lot more personal, a lot scarier, psychologically, that a "normal" person, who doesn't want to cause suffering, can hold such specific beliefs and such strong conviction that knowing that they'll hurt people doesn't give them any pause. the root of their motivation is understandable. solas wants to right his wrongs, at his core. the arishok implicitly believes that the qun is safer, better for its people than life outside the qun. we can see that they're taking it too far, but they don't care. it makes them good villains.

"i am not corypheus, i take no joy in this." sure, which is a very similar sentiment, emotionally, to the qunari sense of duty. you can say you don't enjoy it all you want, you're still committing genocide. you can hate the qunari all you want, but you fight with their ferocity, their unshakeable faith in their own cause. their need to "do what's right," no matter who's caught in the wake.

i understand why people like solas, i go back and forth on it myself, but i don't think he's all that different from the arishok in method and motivation. they're each thrust into a world so different from what they believe is "right" that they demand it change around them. if we had to kill the old arishok, then if solas refuses to give up, he will have to die. he doesn't get to do genocide just because he's romanceable. he's a good character, he's a good villain, but he's not a good guy, and unless he stops before he does any real harm (which he will not do), he should share the arishok's fate.

[cultofdixon]

I’m right here, sunshine

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Being his girl is everything. He’d do anything for you. But when you stopped going on runs every now and then, he did as well trailing you like a puppy. Doing his best to take care of you even when you didn’t tell him what was wrong at first. Little did he know that his life was gonna change • SFW/ANGST/NSFW • TW: Scars / Injuries / Sleep Deprived / Anxiety / Talks of Pregnancy / Pregnancy & Birth / Terminus

“Yo! What’re you think you’re doin’” Daryl stops the younger Grimes from getting into the car as Carl pushes his hand off.

“Y/N convinced my dad to let me go on a run. To get an idea of what I’ll be able to do when I’m a little older.” Carl starts readjusting his hat. “Even if I am just another look out for now”

“And where’s Y/N?” Glenn asks before Daryl could even, as the two watch Carl shrug for an answer. Rick told him he could go, not Y/N. All she did was the convincing and Daryl only wanted to know why from somebody who doesn’t know the answer. “Hey, want me to ask Maggie to check on her? Before we head out?”

“Mhm” Daryl nods, going to get his bike set up for the run as Glenn quickly ran to their guard tower to ask Maggie.

The closer Glenn got, he suddenly stopped seeing Maggie talking to Y/N. He wasn’t close enough to hear anything and he wasn’t the type to pry unless he really needed to. But when Y/N locked eyes with Glenn giving him a small smile and a wave before letting him talk to his girl. Maggie couldn’t help but keep her worried expression on her face watching Y/N go before turning to Glenn.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing?”

“You’re supposed to be on a run, are you sick? Hurt? Why—-“

“Ok ok. Nothing is wrong with me. But Y/N was switched out with Carl for the run and I asked Daryl if he wanted me to ask you to keep an eye on her…cuz we know Daryl isn’t the type to ask himself yknow”

“‘Course” Maggie laughs a tad as her smile fades. “Keep an eye on him for her then, okay Glenn?”

“Of course” Glenn smiles giving her a kiss then finally left on his way to go on the run.

Y/N not coming meant he can’t keep an eye on her. Can’t check in on her in his silent usual way. Can’t show her what he finds that reminds him of her. So, he’s angrier than usual on that run and the others chose to not get in his way.

Well. Except Carl.

“What exactly do you look for? Glenn has the list of the necessary goods”

“Mmm”

“Looking for…more arrows? Makes sense. Could also make’em. Carol and Y/N showed me how to do a specific knot to prevent too much movement”

“Mmm” Daryl turns toward Carl glaring at him to stop but just like his dad. He never does.

Glenn was loading up the car of the stuff he managed to find watching Carl trail behind Daryl like a puppy. This kid was never gonna be a look out. He may be older but he still had that tendency kids have to ask a million things and always have the energy to do so.

“Imagine when him and Y/N finally have a kid, would be trailing him just like Carl” Sasha laughs adding her few things as it clicked to Glenn.

“Uh. Can you go tell them to hurry up while I sweep the pharmacy one last time?”

“Sure man” and as she started walking over, Glenn sprinted to the pharmacy.

“Woulda stop asking me so many damn questions! I’m not a Whatcha call it—Library!” Daryl exclaims getting a laugh from Sasha as she approaches. “What!”

“Nothing nothing. Just funny” Sasha gestures Carl to get for a moment. Leaving the two to whatever Daryl was doing. “Trying to find something for your lady?”

“Why”

“I’m just curious” She shrugs walking beside him for a moment as Daryl started mumbling to himself that didn’t go unnoticed but he also wasn’t going to start that conversation. “Okay, what’s wrong? I know she was supposed to come instead of the Grimes kid”

“Do y’all normally not go to your partner for the problem? Or what” Daryl frowns thinking something is wrong and Y/N didn’t go to him for it.

“Depends. If you did something, definitely need another opinion before talking it out with you. But anything else. I don’t know. Do you normally react badly or normally? Cuz that can determine if she goes to you—-“ Sasha watches the worry and anxiety get to him just by looking into his eyes. “Daryl, man, I don’t know okay? Y/N talks to you more than anybody else. She probably just didn’t want to go on this run”

“Coulda told me…” Daryl turns away from Sasha after spotting something to quickly get a hold of it.

Once they returned from their run, Daryl felt a bit better spotting Y/N happily waiting for him where he kept his bike. He quickly parked and tried his best not to be too excited around the others when his girl drew closer. Even if she did wrap her arms around his torso and shower him in kisses. Trying to keep the stern look on his face was soon defeated after a few smooches that he just had to return a few to a now laughing Y/N.

Maggie smiles warmly toward them while approaching her man. She gave Glenn a kiss before tugging him aside away from anybody who could be listening.

“I need yea to go back out there for somethin’. Could be later with nobody or on the next run but nobody can know”

“Uh. I think I’m a few steps ahead of you there” Glenn takes his backpack off to show Maggie what he got back there that wasn’t on the list.

“I did not tell you nothing!”

“I know! I’m just assuming here!”

“Shit. Just. Give it to me in our cell, but nobody can gain the suspicion toward them or us. Definitely not us”

“Not yet at least” Glenn teases as Maggie smacks his chest rolling her eyes playfully.

Y/N couldn’t help the smile on her face watching the two for a moment before being pulled back into her own bubble with the love of her life. Daryl started to grumble as he kisses the top of her head a few times.

“Missed yea”

“It was only one run”

“Mhm” He brought one of his arms around her shoulders keeping her close to him. Resting his chin on top of her head. “You were replaced with a chatterbox”

“Carl ain’t that bad…you just have to answer the kid. You know his dad won’t” She rest her head comfortable against his chest not wanting to separate for a second as Daryl didn’t move a muscle knowing what she was doing.

Y/N always loved listening to his heartbeat, even when they weren’t something. She joined the group alone and only felt comfortable with Daryl, something about him made her feel safe. That one time when he found her mentally suffering back in their tent days, he held her and told her to listen to his heart beat.

Take a second and just…listen

And she instantly felt better after doing so.

“Ya feeling alright?” He whispers catching her out of her thoughts, only hearing a ‘mhm’ from her as she kept a hold of him. “You can tell me anythin’ yknow”

“I do, and I’m gonna…when I find the words”

He understands that. Not being fine and not being able to find the right words in expressing that. But it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to worry even more. Remember…this is his girl talkin’. He already had a level of worry toward her and now this is just adding on.

“You’re starting to worry him”

“Oh am I now? I couldn’t help but notice” Y/N laughs a little pointing out Daryl staring from across the quad of the prison.

Carol couldn’t help but wave and watch him freak internally, quickly turning his gaze away making her laugh herself. “He’s smitten for you and you’re not telling him what’s wrong”

“If I’m being honest…physically, I know…but mentally, I don’t know what to do or say about yeah…”

“Did you…get one?”

“Apparently. Glenn got me one before Maggie could even ask him”

“You are glowing” Carol teases knowing a part of Y/N would want this but with how the world is now how could she? “You shouldn’t have to stress yourself out about it, hun. I’ll keep your man busy for a few minutes and you can go take the test. But I’d go now before he’s willing to knock even me over to get to you”

With a quick eye roll and a squeeze of Carol’s hand, Y/N left the outdoor kitchen they had set up to go do what she needed to do. And just like Carol guessed it, Daryl started to walk over. Given her word, she quickly blocked Daryl’s line of sight until Y/N was completely gone. He whispered out a shit while Carol laughs a bit.

“What? I need your help with somethin’”

“It can’t wait?”

“Nope!” Carol locks arms with the archer and started to walk a bit away from the prison.

Inevitably ending up in the gardens for a good five minutes when Carol turns to the prison seeing Y/N step out.

“Welp. I didn’t need yea”

“What the fuck!”

“Shhhh children live here”

“WE ARE OUTSIDE AND I DIDNT SCREAM IT” now that was heard by everybody who was outside and in ear shot. Y/N couldn’t help the laugh escaping her but more than just her laughter catch other’s attention as she had tears rolling off her cheeks.

Before Rick could even check on her himself, Maggie shot right past him and took care of it. She wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders heading back inside the prison and letting her have her moment.

How could one have a life from the past, during the hell of the apocalypse?

Y/N didn’t go on the next few runs. Drove Daryl insane but he wasn’t not given some excuse. He believed the first few times with chores being given to her around the prison, or the time she told him she was going to check the traps around the prison with Rick, and obvious times where she didn’t look well enough to go.

Daryl came back from the latest run with a few things in hand specifically for his girl. He parked his bike had expecting Y/N to be waiting for him but when he heard her whistle at him from one of the towers, he knew where to go.

“Rick got you in the watch towers?”

“I asked, and Maggie told him about me collapsing earlier at the fences. Told me to do something that doesn’t require me in the heat or over-working myself”

“You collapsed? Have you seen—“

“Hershel. Yes, just dehydrated…” Y/N closes the door once Daryl got through setting his crossbow down. He didn’t say anything in response to that, but acted on it by giving her his canteen even when she had her own. “I’m fine though…I prom—-“ She stops seeing Daryl take out something from his pack that she didn’t even realize that now would be the moment to talk about it. “…ise….Daryl. Where did you—-“

“Last run we found an untouched pharmacy. Barely nothing but found one of these and just. Yknow…Panicked at the thought of it but had to…get one” Daryl was awkward. Who isn’t awkward when holding a pregnancy test in hand. He didn’t think about the possibility until they did that run and it connected with how Y/N has been feeling.

She couldn’t help it. The tears threatening to spill just from hearing he panicked at the thought of her being pregnant. Well, she is. So now how is she supposed to be okay about it.

“I-I don’t need one…” Y/N frowns feeling a few tears escape making her quickly wipe them away before Daryl could gently take a hold of her face caressing her cheeks. “I found out a few weeks ago…and I’m a-afraid you’re going to leave me”

Daryl wanted to scream. Not because she’s pregnant, but because she thinks he’d leave her for it. He wished he met her before he’ll broke loose. Wished this ever happened. Wish they had this moment without the fear coursing through them of reality as it is now.

When he didn’t say anything, Y/N only continued to cry and tried pulling away but he immediately brought his hands to her waist gripping tight onto her shirt keeping his gaze down as she looks at him. She froze the second she heard sniffles as she carefully brought her hands to his face making him look at her through tears.

“I love you, I won’t leave yea. Ever.” He chokes up on his tears pulling her flush against his chest hiding his face in the crook of her neck. “‘M gonna me a dad…I w-won’t be good at it but—“

“You’ll be perfect…I know you will”

When the flu went through the prison, that’s when everybody found out. Because Daryl would yell at everybody who had symptoms and came anywhere near Y/N. Congratulations of course, but shit was happening and things took priority most moments. Daryl was already over protective of his partner but now it’s at an astronomical level, that when he had to go on a run to get the medicine…he couldn’t stop thinking about the negative possibilities of what could happen to her when he’s gone.

Finding her in her cell, unscathed by the flu…only brought him relief. Daryl quietly approaches her sleeping form lifting the blanket up for him to slide in beside her. Y/N stirred slightly, smiling a bit to him joining her on her cot.

“Everybody okay?”

“Mhm. Got shit in time.” Daryl gently grazes his fingers against her bump feeling her move closer to him the best she could given how big she was. “Clingy huh?”

“Mhm…missed my man”

He couldn’t help the smile that slowly crept onto his face when she said that.

“Missed my sunshine”

“‘M right here” She smiles bringing her lips to his for a short but sweet kiss. “We’re not going anywhere any time soon..”

“Y’all better…” Daryl chuckles a bit kissing her forehead and keeping her close to his person. Not ever wanting to let go…

Then he did…

“We’ll reconnect with everybody again. Promise!”

“You don’t know that” Daryl frowns staring at the fire he made for Beth and him as he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

________

“DARYL—-“ Y/N cries out to him trying to break from Tyrese’s grasp as he was protecting her from the oncoming gunfire.

Daryl physically froze in his place, feeling Beth tug on him to get out of there while his gaze glued on his girl. He felt his heart break watching her fade from view. He wanted to run through the gunfire and go with her but Beth’s hold on him kept him from killing himself just to give Y/N only a moment left with him.

“Daryl she wouldn’t do good with you dead”

That’s what broke him out of his frozen state to run out of there with Beth ahead of him.

________

“This place…doesn’t sound safe, Carol. You shouldn’t go in there alone”

“And you’re volunteering? You carrying Dixon Jr? Daryl wouldn’t forgive me or anybody if I left anything happen to you in that place. Besides. You are caring for Judith and Tyrese is taking care of this asshole” Carol frowns watching Y/N try her best to cover up her tears while holding a fussing Judith. “I’ll get them out safe. Do my best…”

“Please…please don’t get hurt, Carol”

“I’ll do my best”

The second Daryl locked eyes with Carol, his anxiety got the best of him but in that moment he felt relieved to have his friend back. Carol grasped onto him the second he brought her into his embrace.

“She’s going to cry even more when she sees you, compared to when I found her” Carol whispers to Daryl feeling him tighten around her as his mind raced with her words. Of course Carol found Y/N, but part of him needed to see it for himself of course…

When the group made its way to the small house, Tyrese stepped out with Judith in hand as Rick and Carl picked up the pace running over to the two. But the small group blocked both his and Y/N’s sight on the other…

Daryl stopped moving like he did back at the prison. Trying to wrap his head around the fact that she’s right there. Y/N couldn’t help the tears that formed and spilled instantly at the sight of Daryl standing there, she didn’t even get far for him to come bolting over taking her into his protective embrace.

“I’m right here, sunshine”

“Please always find me…please”

“Fuckin’ promise”

•

“When’s the last time you’ve slept?” Maggie couldn’t help but worry for Y/N, given she’s about to be six months and the group had suffered another loss being Beth, Y/N felt the answer was obvious but also that Maggie was the wrong person asking.

“I should—-“

“No, you’re pregnant. Even in this hell you should get rest…and not stress about somebody like me”

“Shut up” Y/N took her hands into hers squeezing them. “If I wasn’t pregnant you’d still say that to me when I have every right to worry and stress about my family. You’re hurting and are allowed to feel everything you’re feeling around me. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere” she rests her forehead against Maggie’s letting her cry in the comfort of her friend.

When the group endured a harsh storm in a barn after a few weeks of traveling, they were hostile and protective of each other when Aaron made himself known to the group.

“It’s a safe place” Aaron says for the millionth time as he turns to lock eyes with Y/N and of course that sparked— “It’ll be safe for your baby, and hers when she gives birth. We’ll keep them sa—-“ he stops when Daryl threatens a knife on him without any protests form the others.

“You think I can’t keep my girl and my unborn baby safe?”

“I-I never said that. Never implied that either. I’m just stating facts that our community is safe within the walls and it’ll be a safe place to give birth in. I-I can’t really stop you from doing what you want to do. But I’ve been watching your group for sometime and know that our community would welcome all of you”

The guy continued to ramble and more for the sake that he wouldn’t get killed. Daryl only removed the knife when Y/N winced a bit to her discomfort signaling him to return to her as Maggie followed his action. It didn’t go unnoticed by Rick and if what Aaron was saying was true, she could be comfortable in this community giving birth compared to a bible story comparison.

When the group arrived to Alexandria and had to surrender their weapons along with taking interviews. Deanna watched Daryl pace around the room not answering a single question as she rises from the couch giving him a stay put look before entering the front foyer of the house gesturing for Y/N to join them. He quickly approached his girl helping her sit where Deanna wanted him to sit.

“Think cuz she’s here I’ll talk?”

“You just did” Deanna laughs a bit turning on the camera as Y/N didn’t like this either, but something kept her from talking.

Daryl did answer a few questions while holding Y/N from behind the chair feeling her latch onto his forearm. He couldn’t tell if it was her anxiety, or if there was more to it.

“Your name is Y/N right? You’ve been with this group since the beginning?”

“Mhm” Y/N took a deep breath looking away from Deanna feeling Daryl’s arms tighten around her. “C-Can I leave please?”

“Alexandria?”

“This room” Y/N shook rising to her feet as Deanna noticed her behavior and it wasn’t entirely toward her. Deanna held her hand out only for Y/N to instantly latch onto it as the other had a death grip on Daryl.

“Hun, is this your first child? and you don’t trust us so you’re trying to keep it together but you are indeed in active labor?” Wow. Two kids under the belt and somehow she’s an expert. But that is indeed what was happening and Y/N didn’t trust anyone except her group, so she was hoping to keep it together until they had a plan.

But the mini Dixon had other plans.

The group scrambled a bit at the situation which only stressed out Y/N and caused Daryl to snap at people. When Deanna got Y/N to the infirmary she called for the resident surgeon at the community, he must’ve helped delivered a kid at least once in the “before”. But the vibes this guy gave off and what he needed to do, made Daryl uneasy.

“You’re gonna what?!” Daryl snaps standing in between Pete and his girl who was growing more uncomfortable in the bed.

“I need to check how far along she is and since we don’t have the machines to do it, I have to insert my fingers—-“

“Oh FUCK no” Daryl grabbed Pete’s collar pushing him back as he held his hands up defensively.

Y/N winces as she sat up glaring at the two in the situation they’re in. “Get Maggie, Daryl please get Maggie”

“I don’t think she’s trained in—-“

“Shut your motherfucking mouth and get MAGGIE” Y/N yells at the two causing them both to panic a bit as Daryl practically tossed Pete out of the infirmary before stepping out himself.

“She can’t do it by herself”

“Y/N isn’t gonna let this fuckin’ stranger anywhere near her and frankly I don’t either—-“

“I have the medical training and from what I’m hearing, she’s the daughter of a vet. May know some things but not enough for this”

“Then walk me through it” Maggie interrupts. “We all know Daryl will cut your fingers off touchin’ his girl. So you’ll walk me through it. Ain’t my first…birth but this isn’t like the first time.”

Pete sighs opening the door for Maggie deciding this is fine. He kept a distance but not too far in case he had to step in. Even if these people were complete strangers to him and he wasn’t entirely that great of a guy, there is an oath in the medical community and he’ll always follow that.

It wasn’t until night when both Maggie and Pete stepped out of the makeshift operating room in the house they were in. Maggie had the biggest smile on her face as Pete walks past carrying the medical waste. Rick grabbed his arm to stop him giving him a concerned look given Pete’s was neutral.

“Is she—-“

“She’s alright.” Pete now noticed all of their attentions on him. “They both are. The dad ain’t, but that’s normal” he pulls away to take care of what he was doing as Maggie couldn’t help herself.

“It’s a girl! She’s perfect and has Daryl’s eyes!” Maggie squeals happily hugging Glenn out of her excitement.

Rick couldn’t help but bring his son into his embrace to the good news as Carl couldn’t help the tears that formed. He was relieved that’s all. None of them were losing anybody that day.

The soft cries filled the room as the little baby in the first clean blanket they’ve seen in ages, nuzzled close to her mother’s embrace and started to calm the second her father gently rests his hand on her little head.

“She’s tiny…” Daryl whispers gently caressing her watching her every movement.

“She’s perfect…” Y/N tried her best to cover up the tears that fell from her face while looking down at the little creation they both were trying their best to physically protect in the small infirmary bed. “Oh what a world she’s living in…” she sobs even harder feeling Daryl shift beside her so that he could take care of her tears gently brushing them away.

“Sunshine…’M right here” Daryl reassures pressing his forehead against Y/N’s as the two kept their attention on the little one. “Not leaving either of you ever…y’all will be safe”

“I know…I just…c-can you just humor me for a second?” She asks hearing him hum as an agreement. “What’s outside the walls…isn’t out there…everything is fine. Normal…I…I knew from the second I locked eyes on you that I fell in love and w-we..met at…”

“At a bar, but I was too chicken shit to talk to yea when you first entered the room” He knew what she wanted in that moment. “To be fair I was with Merle and he’s a pain to deal with. Prob tried hitting on yea but it didn’t go unnoticed even by him the way you looked at me” He brought himself more into the bed so that Y/N could rest her head against his chest listening to his heart beat. “You came out of the bar the second we left, not finding me at first glance but there I was by my bike lookin’ right at yea. Not saying much like usual.”

“You asked me to take a ride with you, and I said yes. Wouldn’t be the first time I would say yes to anything you asked…You loved me when you first met me, when you watched me knock Merle on his ass for one of his comments toward me before you even could, when I fell off your bike trying to drive it myself and you gave me a piggy back ride all the way to the ER to get stitches…you loved me even when my parents didn’t like you at first”

“But they knew when I proposed to yea that they were gonna have to like me. Took them a bit but when they saw how much I loved you and how much you loved me…they knew I would protect yea until the end of time” Daryl readjusted as he brought his arm under the bundle in Y/N’s feeling her move her arms so that he’d be the main support to their baby watching her adjust comfortably, not stirring awake. “Parents wanted a big wedding, we wanted small”

“Kept it small. Had my parents. And Merle” Y/N laughs a bit smiling through the tears as Daryl presses his lips against her temple. “City hall, no rings. Just a promise for forever…you worked on bikes and I worked at a bakery. We made life work just the two of us…then just had so much love to share”

“Didn��t hesitate for a second to have a baby with yea…and hell your cravings were weird and hard to come by but anything to see you smile while you carry this human for nine months was all worth it…seeing her finally, makes up for a lot of the hell the world brings us.” Daryl felt his own tears roll off his face as he did his best not to have them fall on his baby girl. His baby girl. He never thought, even in the before, that he’d be here. Holding the love of his life and his baby girl…he made promises to his family that day. He wasn’t ever going to leave them in any sense without a reason, he was always going to be there even if it meant physically fighting for it.

Daryl snapped out of his thoughts feeling Y/N’s soft touch wipe away the tears that fell. He kisses the inside of her palm before bringing his little one up to his face to kiss her forehead hearing her mumble to said action.

“I’m right here…”

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.

[cottoncandyjester]

What is something you can say to they boys to break them, like something so mean and hurtful that they may cry?

Okay..OUCH!

As punishment for making me sad I’m doing this to the sweethearts

Warning: this is dark, like darling hates the yans and doesn’t care about their feelings at all.

Mateo:

You and mateo don’t like to fight, things get heated and he does t quite know how to dial it down once he get to that point. The argument was pretty dumb, you two couldn’t even remember why you were mad.

“You always do this!” You snapped out, your angry tone making him twitch lightly the noise making his head spin..he couldn’t handle yelling, it reminded him of his childhood.

“What do I do wrong? I love you! I worship the ground you walk on but it’s never enough!” He hissed out with a shaky bitter laugh “I-it’s like you hate me..” he whispers out lowly.

“I do hate you! I hate your stupid spotted face! I wouldn’t be so angry all the time if i was dating someone smart but instead I get you! You’re so stupid and dumb and ugly!” your anger startled him.

Mateo was silent as he looked at his arms in utter horror, the sight of the pale splotches all over his body made tears run down his face, you thought he was stupid..everyone thought he was stupid.

Mateo did the only thing that made him feel better..sob his eyes out now scratching at the blotches, blood dripping down his arms. “What the hell are you doing?!” You snapped out in annoyance.

“I-if I carve them out then you won’t hate me, r-right?! If I just carve them out then I’ll stop being ugly?!” He hissed out with a whimper as he dropped onto his knees suddenly biting and clawing at his skin

“I hate myself, stupid stupid stupid!” He sobbed out, suddenly letting out loud wailing of sorrow as he banged his head on the ground “stop..being..stupid!” He snapped out with each hit, the sickening cracking noise startling you.

Hikaru:

Angering Hikaru was an easy job, simply talk back and an argument is crafted but this time was different. You were done cowering in fear, he hurts you so many times that it was time for payback.

“Damn it, piggy I’m talking to you! Stop fucking ignoring me!” He snapped out before gripping your arm, yanking you closer only for you to slap his hand off utter disgust in your eyes.

“Maybe if you weren’t an annoying little shit you parents wouldn’t have whored you out when you were just a toddler!” You snapped out, Hikaru tensed up body shaking as he stared at you in shock.

“W-what..” he whispers out softly, the anger that was once in his voice replaced with a soft hurt tone. “The only thing you’re useful for is being a quick fuck! It’s not like anyone will actually love you, so why don’t you go and do the only thing you’re good at, leave me the hell alone while you’re at it” you sneered out.

There was a few seconds of silence before a soft sniffle escaped Hikaru who now held his head down in shame. All those filthy feelings he felt before came rushing back to him.

“I-I’m only good for..” he whispers out before starting to cry, Hikaru was someone who prides himself in not sobbing but here he was crying “I-is that all I’m really good for?! B-being a whore?!” He hissed out.

All that modeling work he’s done was to put his own name out there but none of that mattered, all he would ever be known for was a dirty whore..the utter thought drove Hikaru insane.

Yuuji and Yuuta:

You wanted them to hurt, like how they always hurt you. You knew exactly where to hit and how hard to hit it. “Come on, you have to eat..p-please” Yuuta begged out as he tried feeding you. You were extra bratty so they had to tie you up, something that happened quite often. You were silent, making Yuuta sigh as he untied you “here, now will you eat?”

“You’ll never be a real boy yknow..” you whispered out to him, that single statement making Yuuta freeze up..eyes wide as he stared at you in shock “wait..h-huh?” He said lowly with a forced smile “is this a joke or-”

“You’re just a girl playing dress up, a little girl who is still scared of her family” you said coldly as you rubbed your wrists. “S-stop, that’s not true..I’m a boy, a-a strong guy! So just stop it” Yuuta snapped out, body shaking as you stepped towards him with no fear.

“No matter what you say, you still have that slight feminine figure, girly face, and of course the obvious..the parts of a girl. You’ll never actually be a boy.”

Yuuta felt his chest tighten up, he hasn’t felt dysphoria in years but that horrible feeling made him wheeze as your words drilled into his head. His hands went straight to his chest, they were gone but for some reason it’s almost as if he could still feel them there..not enough. He didn’t feel masculine at all.

“No, n-no no no you’re wrong, I-I’m a..I’m a..” Yuuta couldn’t even say it without starting to cry, his head was starting to hurt as he panicked. “I-I need…Y-Yuuji!” Yuuta sobbed out, it was only a matter of seconds til the younger twin came rushing to his aid. “Woah! Hey, Y-Yuuta?! What’s wrong, are you hurt?” Yuuji hissed out as he hugged his brother close to his chest.

“I-it’s back! I-it’s back, I-I can’t take it. I’m a boy right?! I-I’m a boy..n-not a girl..” Yuuta was an utter mess, sobbing and shaking as he clinged to Yuuji’s shirt. “Of course you are! You are the strongest guy I know, so please..stop crying” Yuuji whispers out, angry tears in his eyes as he glared your way.

“What the fuck did you do to my Yuuta!?”

Yuki:

“Please stop screaming..” yuki whispers out lowly as he looked away, flinching at every time your voice raised. “I can’t handle you screaming..” he added out as he glanced your way. You were screaming at him about something..the moment you started to yell he completely forget what you were mad at and was just focused on getting you to stop.

“Stop giving me those puppy dog eyes as if you are so damn innocent and pure! You have a rotting demon in you you, you can never be good! All you do is destroy and ruin thing!”

Your words made yuki shudder, eyes wide as he processed your words. “Demon..?” He whispers out with a shaky sigh, how could you be so cruel?! Yuki hugged himself, a low laugh escaping him which quickly turned into soft sobs that only got louder the more hurt he became.

Of course, he was a demon how could he forget that..he wasn’t supposed to be born! Yuki, who was now on his knees sobbing his eyes out bowed at your feet.

“K-kill me, im begging you” he said softly now looking up at you with the most distraught expression. “Im a lowly demon not worthy of living, j-just a filthy abomination” he hissed out as he looked at his hands. The reason he loved drawing and doing tattoos was cause he adored the thought of creating art..but if you deem him a demon it must be so.

Rin:

Rin was someone who usually laughed instead of cried, but you knew exactly where to push to get him to sob and break. “Are you trying to make me mad? Pfft silly thing that won’t work” Rin cooed out with a laugh as he watched you only get angrier.

“God you are so fucking childish! That’s why I’m glad I cheated!” You snapped out, making him pause his laughing his expression faltering “h-huh?” He said with a forced grin, your statement surprising him. “Your brother is a way better lover than you anyways, in all aspects” you sneered out.

“H-hey if you are trying to make me mad, it’s working so just stop.”

“What part are you not getting!? I don’t love you, I won’t ever love you so just leave me alone already!” You snapped out angrily, there were a few seconds of silence before rin flashed a grin “wowww~ someone’s grumpy! I’ll let you get some air but afterwards we’re talking bout this okay??” He cheers out before walking off.

A sniffling escaped him as he walked off, now covering his mouth with his hand as tears ran down his cheeks, the thought of you with ren in the most intimate ways made both rage and sorrow filling his body..he wanted to puke.

Salem

Salem didn’t really focus on your insults too much since they were surface level. He would shrug it off and continue to be his normal wild self, that was until you two really got into it.

“This is why no one wanted you! Why every person who got close to you gave you away! Who would ever choose you!” Your angry remark made Salem flinch, now biting at his fingers that he was sucking on before.

He was silent now chewing on his hand as he thought about what you said..it was true. His mother, Hikaru, you, who would ever want him? Salem let blood drip down his chain as he tried to contain himself but laughter escaped him, he calmly walked to the nearest wall now slamming his head against it.

He hated these thoughts, he wanted to go away. He just wanted all these gross feelings to go away already, he hated thinking..so if he hit his head a few more times he wouldn’t have to think and feel anymore. His laughter only for more crazed yet sad as he slammed his head against the wall over and over. “Go..away, go away…” he cried out over and over as tears streamed down his face.

Zeke:

“You need to calm down, you’re getting worked up here!” Zeke snapped as he eyed you worriedly. You two were fighting and you were getting a little too angry, he was worried about saying something he didn’t mean.

“You are so fucking gullible! Do you have any balls or something!? You try to play the nice guy but it wasn’t prince who killed all those people! It was all you! Just you! And I’m starting to think you liked it! So stop pretending to be good and so damn innocent”

Zeke tensed up, taking a step back as your words hit him. “W-why the fuck would you say that?!” He hissed out, that wasn’t true..he wasn’t bad. He was a good guy! He went to protests he donates to charities, he’s sweet and loving he does all he can to be a good person! Even still with all that the memories of that night are still so fresh.

“I-I’m a good guy..I’m a good person” he said softly as tears ran down his face, a shaky laugh escaping him “I’m a good person I’m a good person I’m a good person” he whispers out again and again, now looking to you for comfort “I’m a good person right?!” He said with a devastating expression.

“No, you’re not. You are a horrible awful person, worse than prince” You said shrarply, the final nail in the coffin.

Zeke gulped as he felt an overwhelming sarrow, more tears and cries coming from him. “N-no no no no..y-you’re wrong..so wrong” he sobbed out, the mixture of laughing and crying coming from him

[leonstamatis]

uhhhh domesticity meme domandy??

OH MAN. OH, MAN. god this one got long.

big spoon/little spoon: screaming already okay we can do this. i think that andy is just like, a little bit taller than dom, but he's all spindly and dom is not. so usually dom is the big spoon. but sometimes - yknow, when randy died - andy is big spoon. it is a rare thing for special (derogatory) occasions.

favorite non-sexual activity: dom gets such a fucking kick out of making andrew do all the tourist shit. they've been on the ferry to see the statue of liberty like once a month since he got there. every weekend dom is like "i've got something REALLY exciting planned, some real native nyc shit" and then they're at the empire state building again. ("it's not even-- like, the better view is from the rockefeller center, dom, why are we here again?" / "are you doubting the taste of a true new yorker? i'm hurt, andy, really. you're so cruel to me.") for andy's part he's just happy to be with dom, like. as much as he gripes he feels pretty damn special for being taken anywhere.

who uses all the hot water: there is a very strict time limit on showers in the mills apartment, with punishment of having to do the dishes after dinner. both dom and andy end up doing the dishes together every single night because they're so bad about this. at some point dom is like "well if we shower TOGETHER then we get double the time, no one can get mad at us." that doesn't work. they take even longer.

most trivial thing they fight over: correct pronunciation of "houston." it is an old argument, they get into it once every few weeks, patty and winnie and co have all asked them to stop but they just won't. sometimes you bicker to flirt. it's fine.

who does most of the cleaning: andy is a hell of a lot neater than dom but that's not actually saying much. dominic marijuana is a "picks up clothes off the floor and sniffs to tell if they're still wearable" guy, where andy is more of a "somehow all of my clothes have ended up piled on the couch and i do not have it in me to put them away" kinda situation.

who calls up the super/landlord when the heat's not working: dominic will NOT stand for this. he calls. yes, he and the supervisor hooked up once a few months back, and maybe things are awkward, but he's the team captain it's his JOB--

who steals the blankets: andy is so fucking cold. all the time, he is cold, from the months of like october through june. he wanders around in the mornings with a comforter over his shoulders for a while there. it is dom's. this is how everyone finds out they're officially together now.

who remembers to buy the milk: patty fox. neither andy nor dom can be trusted to do the groceries, actually, and if you send them out it's your own damn fault when they come back with six pounds of dino chicken nuggets and several bags of cotton candy and popcorn from battin' island. (patty: "why were you even there?" / dom: "solis here thought he could hit more home runs than me in a derby." / patty: "and did you?" / andy, mouth full of popcorn: "absolutely not.")

who remembers anniversaries: dom remembers them like two weeks after the fact. andy remembers but doesn't really make a huge deal out of them it's more of a thing where he goes like. ah! we've done it! and then he moves on with his day because he knows dom's not one for big showy things, and he's not, either.

who cooks normally: dom CAN cook, but he's not overly fond of it. sometimes if he's in the mood he'll give it a go. andy is a very admirable sous chef and his vegetables are chopped very evenly (by which dom means, of course, "you are a miserable excuse for a chef and i do not know how you survived on your own before now")

what do they do when they're away from each other: dom plays guitar and honestly goes on a lot of runs. he also helps out at some local nonprofits for lower-income kids in the neighborhood and what have you on occasion when he has the time. andy still technically works for the spies as a "field operative" so he "writes reports" wherein he lies about anything and everything because he doesn't know enough to provide accurate intel. reese knows this and does not care.

nicknames for each other: nada! lots of homoerotic use of the last name, again, but i definitely think dom is one for the ironic use of "babe," "baby," etc, over using it sincerely. andy is prone to getting embarrassed if he tries to be smooth, so it takes like six months for him to even try saying "baby," and then he and dom laugh so hard they can't breathe and it never happens again.

what would they get each other for gifts: andrew gives great gifts actually. he'll like make notes about things dom says he wants but can't afford right now and start saving up, and it's always well-received. dominic is not GREAT at the gift-giving, at least not every time, but he tries really fucking hard to at least make andrew feel special with lots of quality time and what have you, followed by a whole "so is there anything you want, because--"

who made the first move: dominic marijuana is a flirt and a little bit of a slut and i am SO proud of him. he guns for andrew fucking immediately, and andrew is JUST fine with that because if it were up to him they wouldn't have gotten together until he'd pined and tried to parse out hidden signals for five to ten months.

who cusses more: they both swear a LOT, but it took a while to get there. when andy first got to new york he was pretty reserved and soft-spoken in a lot of ways but the longer he's there the worse his mouth gets. they're both constantly catching themselves about to swear in front of cameras after the game and whatever.

what would they do if the other was hurt: well dom is a fucking mother hen is the thing like he would definitely hover, and after a while it'll drive andrew nuts but in the beginning at least it's pretty nice. andrew ALSO hovers but in a much less productive way, less of a "i brought you soup and tea" and more of a "oh god if i leave this room you're going to Die" and this is just not very helpful so after a while dom has to be like. will you just sit down and cool it, i'm fine.

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[yesokayiknow]

batwoman s3 outline ✊😤 you can’t prove i’m wrong

-it takes ryan, luke, & kate a while to find a routine that works but eventually they work out some shifts. finally, ryan & kate get to actually SLEEP sometimes and have actual lives. luke now has like 8x the amount of stress. why did he agree to do this oh god it’s so MUCH. mary also has more to do bc luke’s now not on comms! what the heck man she never signed up for this!! sophie gets roped in as support 😔 except she’s amazing at it bc she was literally trained to command soldiers and is just generally more competent than everyone else on the team at all times

-there’s a mini subplot of everyone expecting there to be awkwardness the first time kate & ryan team up, and then they end up being really in sync and working great together

-julia comes back and is like hello where is MY suit??? by the time she reveals she’s joking luke’s already 2/3 of the way through making one and she’s like oh this slaps actually. mine now

-listen if arrow can have like 6 archers and the flash can have 50 speedsters then batwoman can have more than one bat person

-ryan & kate & sophie teaching luke how to fight ;-;

kate: yknow, you should learn some of this stuff too actually

mary, eating popcorn while luke gets his ass kicked: pass

-it doesn’t take long for people to realise that kate was the original bat, and every time anyone asks her where she’s been she gives increasingly implausible answers. it’s also a running joke that nobody knows what to call her, including her. season finale reveals her codename & it is of course stupid bc this is the cw.

-luke’s got the blue accented suit so i’m assuming they’re going with the signal codename?? the name he goes with is definitely one he thought of when he was like 11 and he stands by it

-alice escaped a few days into her stay at arkham and is now in the wind by which i mean she’s holed up in kate’s bathroom & sleeping in kate’s bathtub and everyone (including kate) is just pretending they haven’t noticed despite the fact that she’s so ridiculously bad at being subtle. on one hand this cannot be good for her mental health on the other hand she probably isn’t killing people so like. baby steps right

ryan: okay you HAVE to kick her out

kate: she isn’t hurting anyone

mary: she was definitely covered in blood this morning

kate: she isn’t hurting anyone we KNOW

-kate can’t exactly reclaim her dead identity so for all intents and purposes she is circe sionis. this is awful, except for when she can go to galas with sophie and loudly tell everyone that she is sophie’s arm candy. sophie hates this. everyone else thinks it’s the funniest thing ever

-ryan gets a girlfriend and she’s just really sweet and nice and normal and everyone’s super suspicious bc this is gotham and that’s impossible but nope she really is just a nice normal person. the fuck

-s3 main villain is poison ivy my beloved

-poison ivy’s pheromones work on anyone attracted to women bc duh and lemme say this is NOT good for this cast of useless lesbians

-everyone’s like finally! alice is useful!! and then they have to spend the next like 4 episodes talking alice through an extended panic attack when she does in fact get affected by the pheromones

-meanwhile mary also gets affected and is like why would i freak out i have been out as pan for like 6 years it’s not my fault none of you follow me on instagram smh

-kate after finding out alice is bi: [discreetly shoves julia at alice]

mary: oh HORRIBLE idea there is no way that wlll end well. i’m in

-episode where kara visits and is like oh this is awful this is somehow worse than the last time i visited gotham. why do anyone of you live here. her and mary and ryan are immediately best friends. sunshine girls :) julia is too but probably only bc kara doesn’t know she’s basically an assassin. the following episode kate is missing bc she’s visiting kara in national city and when she comes back she’s got a tan and everyone’s like damn didn’t even know you could do that

-episode where the legends visit and are like oh shit we’re here too early

kate: too early for what

sara hastily motioning at the rest of the team to put away the ‘welcome to the legends alice’ banner: nothing. don’t worry about it

they end up helping the team out and also definitely scarring gotham’s villains for life. sara and mick keep running into old friends which honestly is just so unprofessional smh. sara and poison ivy 100% had a Thing at some point in the past but neither of them can remember when exactly

-alice: everyone’s having so much fun and i miss hitting people so. i wanna be a bat too now 👉👈

kate: sorry kiddo bats aren’t allowed to kill

alice: julia killed someone yesterday

kate: julia is a problem child and we all hate her

julia through a mouthful of chicken nuggets: damn straight

-beth was born first bc that would be hilarious lbr but kate’s got an extra few months on alice bc of time travel and she will NEVER let her forget it

-how do they defeat poison ivy simple they realise she’s right technically and they just sort of set her loose on coryana. nature is healing

-season finale bruce comes back and everyone thinks he wants the cowl back but he’s just like nah this is exactly how i planned

everyone: bullshit

bruce: [pulls out 30 page bulleted list of every single thing that has happened since he left dated 2015]

everyone: how the fuck

-jacob kane dies of influenza

[bisexual-ashe]

I have a question for you! I hope it's not disrespectful. I'm asking because I geniuenly want to educate myself. I noticed you mentioned a few times that you are against m/m fetishization. But I have seen you enjoying and sharing m/m content created by women (and probably with other women in mind). Could I ask what for you counts as a fetishization? What is okay and what is not? Is it okay for women to create and enjoy m/m content or is it taking away creative space from actual gay/bi/pan men?

okay first things first, thank you for sending me a reminder to answer this! i didn’t entirely forget? i’ve just been hella distracted by things recently, so THANK YOU for bringing it to my attention again dear anon <3

okay without further ado!

firstly i would like to stress, there is NOTHING wrong with women creating and enjoying mlm content. honestly, there are very few men i’ve actually seen within fandom, so most of the content i do consume, and many other people consume, is made by women. and honestly? a whole lotta the time, it’s solid content. it’s respectful content. it’s content that i am really thankful for existing, cos i know damn well i couldn’t produce content as good as that.

unfortunately, bad content does exist. and even more unfortunately, it’s utterly RIFE within fandom, because fandom IS so heavily female dominated (again, that’s not necessarily a bad thing!) it’s just that because of this female majority, who enjoy this sort of content. it’s kinda like. just ignored when people DO point out it’s problematic? tbh this is the same for ANY minority within fandom. the majority is just.. mostly ignorant? or just. doesn’t give a shit bc as far as they’re aware, they enjoy that content and other people enjoy that content. what does it matter that their content is offensive to one small minority?

for me. one of the BIGGEST signs of mlm fetishist content, is. when a character. is pretty much turned into a fucking OC, simply to fulfil the mlm “stereotypes” that a lot of people just. seem to assume is normal in a mlm relationship? yknow stereotypes such as top/dom or bottom/sub are the same thing. the bottom/sub is automatically feminine and helpless and uwu soft baby. which. is not a thing??? it’s REALLY not a thing???

sure. stereotypical gay men do exist. but. like. that’s not at ALL accurate to how actual mlm relationships are???

so yeah. first point i guess. if it’s stereotypical to the point where characters are just. out of character. it’s fetishist. 

second point? shipping two men. with no prior interaction. or even fuckin’ personalities. literally. just because they are two attractive men. and yes. i’m using reed900 as an example here. there is NO FUCKING EXCUSE when it comes to ships like this. there is NO REASON to ship them, other than the fact that they’re “uwu attractive gay men”. they have no dynamic. they have no developed personalities. they EXIST because people fetishized them. 

like. i understand crack ships. i understand speculating a ship between two characters with like. no interactions cos you think their personalities would be compatible.

but when they DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING PERSONALITY, that is fetishization. and honestly, in my opinion. that automatically makes anyone who ships something like that, a fetishist. if you ship men together because they’re men, with no other reason than that. it’s fetishism. and it’s fucking hurtful to ACTUAL mlm. we are not a kink. we are not a guilty pleasure. we are people. and yes, this is all fiction, but it’s still things people consume?? it’s still stuff that.. people just assume are normal bc it’s everywhere???

some smaller, but other points i’d like to make. is. omegaverse. and mpreg. which are just as fuckin’. fetishizing of mlm as they come honestly. like. i am telling you. no actual fuckin’ mlm enjoys that sort of content. i’m into fuckin’ bdsm and general dom/sub dynamics but i am not into that content. because it’s fucking fetishist. like. it just enforces stereotypes. i don’t see this content as often, and enjoy it if you want to. it’s just. a big fuckin’ squick imo MSDLKFJSD

these, for me. are probably like. the biggest red flags that content is mlm fetishist. that i can think of in this current moment at least? i’m sorry this response is so bloody long, and i hope it’s been helpful! but in short. it is totally fine for women to both create, and enjoy mlm content! just. keep it respectful, please ;w; 

[allforhader]

New Perspective

Bill Hader x (F) Reader

Warnings: Langauge

Y/N has been childhood friends with Bill and she has always been supportive of what he wants to pursue in life. She’s watched him evolve into one of the greatest in her opinion and she’s been there for almost every major moment. Perks of being a fellow actor. You see a lot.

But with personal things. She was at his wedding, was in the chain of messages when it came to his girls coming to the world, and when he had his lowest moments...Y/N dropped everything to be by his side.

“You always have my back Y/N, how can I ever repay you”

“You don’t have to Bill. What are friends for?”

Apart of her never wanted to tell him that she had feelings. It felt and from the looks on how life played out, it was one-sided. Partners never came easy when her mind is obviously tied to something else. She knew that holding on was only going to hurt her, and it did. It did on most days but of course he always made them 100% better.

Y/N was there for him when he went through his divorce and not much was said. All he wanted was her to be there and that’s exactly what she did.

Now the two were given a movie opportunity and it’s been some time since they’ve worked together. This’ll be fun.

For the most part.

“Ms. Y/L/N” Bill smiles knocking on her open trailer door.

“Mr. Hader” Y/N smiles setting her highlighter down as Bill sits across from her in the booth. “Thought you were talking to the other star in this film”

“I was, she’s nice. But shouldn’t I be getting to know the main love interest for my character instead?” Bill smiles resting his head in his hands on the table.

“You’ve known me all your life Bill”

“Okay touché but I prefer hanging with my best friend on set any chance I get”

Y/N smiles hearing that as it also chipped at her for a moment.

“Are you staying at the hotel near by?”

“Yeah, ain’t gonna live in a trailer” Bill laughs a bit. “Have you checked in yet?”

“I just got in, so not yet”

“You can stay with me, my room got another bed”

“Y’know the film company got me a room to myself right?”

“Yeah but come on, it’s better being with someone than alone”

“Okay...” Y/N smiles seeing how excited he got hearing her agree.

Filming scenes out of order is very common and the two are used to it. Neither of them had an opinion of which to do first since their schedules were changed in order to film without interruptions. Only time something may happen is something with Bill’s girls. Other than that, they took things slow and did the easiest scenes to begin with.

“Oregon is a beautiful setting to film at”

“It beats the normal New York setting like a lot of films”

“True, do you want to get drinks next night out?”

“If you’re paying” Y/N smiles making Bill laugh as he wraps an arm around her shoulders.

The director a moment after had Y/N sit with him as they go over scenes with just Bill and the other interest. He wanted her to watch so that she can get a feel for her character but her character felt more real.

The main female lead, who’s love of their life is their best friend and he doesn’t know that she loves him until it’s too late.

At least the ending is happy. Sad to a degree but—yknow. Rooting for the main lead is the way to go for the most part.

“Be prepared to cry Y/N”

“That’s very unsettling director”

“Well you know your scenes”

“I do”

“You’ll do great” He smiles as Y/N continued to watch the two before getting up and leaving to go over her lines with herself.

Bill turns his attention to Y/N as the director stands up.

“BILL YOU RUINED THE TAKE”

“Sorry”

“TAKE THREE PEOPLE!”

A few months went by in filming as Y/N lays in the bed beside Bill’s thinking about the fact that they are doing one of her heartbreaking scenes. She didn’t want to do it but has to at the same time.

Y/N now in the makeup department scrolling through her phone as the crew worked on her makeup.

“Have you worked in a rainy state before?”

“Hm?” Y/N looks up from her phone catching a smile from the lovely woman doing her makeup. “Oh, yeah. But most of the time we are filming inside”

“True true...but it’s beautiful when it rains here in Oregon. Knock on wood that it doesn’t rain when we film but reading a few scenes with you in it. It’ll be beautiful if it did” She smiles touching up on her blush as Y/N was flattered but nervous.

After getting dressed in the causal outfit her character demands for, Y/N walks into set seeing the tents over the equipment just in case it does rain. She bumped into Bill adjusting herself once she caught her balance.

“Sorry Y/N”

“No I am, wasn’t looking”

“Well. It’s nice running into you than a stranger” Bill smiles fixing his blazer as Y/N wanted to say something then and there but

“Places please!” The director states as Y/N retracts herself walking over to her marker as Bill locks arms with the other love interest.

Bill stood at his placement seeing Y/N starting to count with her fingers. A habit from when they were younger, she did it when she got anxious. He never forgot the little things. He wanted to check up on her but the moment he heard action, he couldn’t.

Script Characters - Bill is Ethan, Y/N is Amelia, other love interest is Evelyn

“Love, you know how to make a girl’s night” The interest steals a kiss as Y/N’s chest started hurting.

“Evelyn, you are worth every moment. Which...is why I want to make it worth it” Bill smiles glancing around them and back to his interest. “The love of my life stands in front of me and it always feels like I’ve known you for all the years I’ve been on this earth. You...make it worth living every day in this chaotic world and I want to fight every day with you right beside me”

“Ethan...are you saying what I think your saying?”

“Every word”

Every word, stated for the wrong person. But Y/N didn’t know that. The director gestures for Y/N to start approaching and the scene and she drops her phone to her side.

“Hey Et—-“ Y/N steps forward before turning her body toward the camera retracting herself back when she saw Bill get down on one knee.

It’s a movie. Y/N, remember it’s a movie...

“Will you marry me Evelyn?”

“Yes! A thousand times yes!” She laughs as Bill picks the interest up spinning her in his arms before stealing a kiss.

The director looks at the shot on Y/N making them zoom in the moment the tears formed and rolled down her cheeks. He didn’t expect that, but it made it ten times better. He was about to yell cut to take another shot when the rain started.

Knock on wood my ass...

Y/N steps back not having anymore words from the scene as her body shifted quickly going behind the prop building but she slipped on her way. Bill quickly looked over after setting his interest down. A great shot. The director had them follow Y/N for the rest of the shot as the rain poured on them. She held her head down letting everything hit her.

This is fake

It’s a movie

These aren’t real characters

But this story feels too familiar...

Fuck.

Y/N brought her head up wiping away her tears as they came down but the rain made it difficult to differentiate. Perfect.

“Cut! THAT WAS FLAWLESS Y/N, SAME GOES TO YOU TWO! Flawless! Now get the hell out of the rain, we don’t want our stars getting sick” The director states helping his crew get the cameras and personnel out.

Bill took his blazer off as the interest’s assistant ran over with an umbrella for her, helping her off set as he makes his way to Y/N who hasn’t move from her spot. He covered her with the jacket not giving a damn if it was for his character. He didn’t want Y/N to get sick.

“Come on...” He held his hand out as Y/N took it carefully being brought up from the wet ground. “It’ll be hell if you got sick” he wrapped his arm around her hurrying her out of there.

After a while the two were in their hotel room, and as Bill got dressed in the bathroom, Y/N sat on her bed already out of the wet clothes and into something comfy as she dries her hair with a towel while the feelings lingered.

“That was an intense scene, one of the electrical people said the director wanted to get another shot until he saw how you were performing. Kept the scene going” Bill walks in sitting across from her on her bed. “You’re amazing you know that?”

“Haven’t heard it enough honestly” Y/N laughs a bit hugging herself as she rubs her arms to warm her.

“You sat in the rain for a while, why don’t take a hot bath. Maybe that’ll warm you up” Bill suggest watching her shake her head before trapping the pillow she wasn’t leaning against hugging it close.

“I’m okay Bill, I’ll be fine” Y/N smiles watching Bill move himself to be beside her. Keeping close brings warmth in ways.

“Come on. I don’t bite” Bill laughs as Y/N rolls her eyes before leaning against him feeling his arm wrap around her shoulders brining her close.

Warmth huh...

A few more months, a couple hundred shots, and more intense emotions that Y/N thought she could handle for the most part. Filming the wedding was killer when her character was best man and now was the money maker scene.

Confessing.

“Looking beautiful like always Y/N” The director smiles helping Y/N step down from the box after getting her dressed hemmed.

“I know it’s for the scene and the movie, I really hate pink” Y/N fixes her dress sighing.

“Well, it suits you. Don’t have to wear it long. One more scene where Amelia grows fed up over the reality and storms out of the reception catching Ethan’s attention. Then the confession” He smiles going to his crew and talking about the trolly shots as Y/N sighs going to her marker.

“Wow”

Y/N turns around catching Bill’s attention making her smile with a tint of pink growing.

“You look beautiful”

“You saw me in this dress yesterday”

“Well, I’m simply stating facts and I like complimenting you” Bill says with a hint of nervousness in his voice. “I uh. Well! Time to get in position. Right?”

“Right...”

Once the cameras were in place with the wall separating the scene in two shots. The trolly camera being set on the one outside and the other having two cameras set on both main characters. Y/N stood in her spot hearing action as she leans against the wall watching Bill enjoy himself in his own little world. She took a deep breath resting her hand on her chest before stepping out.

“Why did I do this? Why did I sign onto this...I shouldn’t have. Shouldn’t have stayed. I should’ve left a long time ago...”

“Amelia—“

Y/N froze along with the camera as it planned to Bill but he didn’t care for that.

“Where...where are you going? The reception barely even started”

“I know...I just...”

“Just what?” Bill rests a hand on her shoulder getting pushed off but it felt personal. “Amelia...”

“Sorry. I can’t stay”

“What do you mean?!”

“I CANT STAY” Y/N shot back snapping as Bill took a step back. “I can’t stay and watch this go on”

“What does that mean? You’re not...You’re not acting like yourself Amelia”

“Ethan...I-...” Y/N felt her face heat up staring at Bill as she suddenly started crying. “I love you...I have always loved you...a-and I can’t stand there and watch you move onto the next chapter of your life...without me”

“Amelia...why didn’t—-“

“BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID”

The director read the script knowing this isn’t what he written and Bill knew instantly.

“I was afraid to ever say anything because you...you were all I cared about. I cared about every single thing you did and everything that happened to you. Because...it either hurt you or put you in a state of mind that i couldn’t always help you out of” Y/N felt her body shake as she clenched her fists. “Every chance I got...you were always with someone. Always in love with somebody and I knew it was never going to be me. Because I’m not...I’m not the love of your life. I never was...”

“A-Amelia please don’t go—“ Bill grabbed her wrist the moment she stepped away and Y/N ripped her hand away not looking at him.

“I love you...I always will....and the only thing that’ll help me get over you...is never being around you ever again” Y/N states as that last part was scripted but the first two lines were all her in the voice of her character.

Y/N stormed off as Bill stood there feeling his anxiety course through his body watching her go.

“Ethan?” The interest interrupts as the scene was continuing. But he didn’t want to continue filming.

Bill looks at the director hearing him say cut as he instantly ran after Y/N.

Y/N had no more scenes that day and Bill searched for her all over set and even went to her trailer before being called back. The director told him to give her space since he didn’t know what went on there and as stupid as some directors are. He’s going to use that shot but of course he himself was going to check up on her actress when they got Bill back in makeup.

“Y/N” He knocked on her hotel room door, this time in hers and not in the one she shared.

“Please. Give me a minute”

“I’m not asking you back to set. The shot was fine. If you don’t mind me using it of course”

“God I don’t care if you use it or not. I just...I full on confessed how I felt all of these years of being friends with Bill and...it just. Blew up in my face”

“Bill left set looking for you. He’s back because it’s your guys job not to leave unless it was an emergency. But you have no more filming and...he was upset that he didn’t find you before we brought him back to set”

“Sir, you don’t know the personal stuff about this”

“I know you two have been friends for years, and you have chemistry. Chemistry that would work amazingly playing as friends or lovers. I also know this is your first film as a major love interest and what you told me, it would’ve gone differently if the partner wasn’t Hader”

“God...”

“Get dressed out of that dress and come back on set. If I can guess how he’s feeling. He won’t work like this”

“Isn’t that the point of Ethan’s character? To be emotionally bombarded by what Amelia said?”

“I love that you know every minor detail in my story, but Y/N. His character’s reality. Became his. Knowing that you’re not okay...he won’t work properly even for the character” the director left going back to continue hoping Y/N would come onto set.

A few shots went by and they were re-taken two or three times do to Bill not being in the right headspace. He looks over to the crew watching them discuss what they just shot and before the director asked for places again, Bill saw Y/N stand beside him looking at him for a moment then to the screens.

“Bill, are you okay?” His other co star asks as Bill was in his own world.

“I’m going through it...”

When the work day was over, Y/N knocked on Bill’s trailer watching it instantly open as Bill steps out looking at her. The silence was killer and Y/N didn’t really know what to say since she has already said it.

“I’m so—“

“Don’t.”

“Bill—“

“Don’t apologize for something you kept to yourself for years...I wish you didn’t keep it to yourself for years”

“Your life moves faster than mine Bill. I’m...just. Behind”

“You’re not. You just...why did you put me before you always? You would’ve said something sooner if—“

“Bill just shut up” Y/N frowns. “You’re my best friends. That’s why I did it. But the confessing? I didn’t tell you how I felt because...because life got in the way. You fell in love on a few occasions and I watched. I couldn’t butt in every time! You wouldn’t have the life you have if I did!”

“Y/N, I do love the life I have. I can’t lie about that even if I tried. But...you can’t just stand there and assume I never felt the same way” Bill frowns as Y/N felt her face heat up when he said that.

“I-....For fuck sake Hader”

“Y/L/N. You assume a lot. But for my sake. Can you tell me how you feel without having to do it in a scene to do so?”

“Well. Spit it out then”

“I love you too, and I’m sorry it took you this long to say anything. But I’m also sorry...that I didn’t do it first” Bill instantly presses his lips against hers maneuvering his arm around her waist bringing her close to his chest.

Y/N grabbed his shirt keeping him close to her and taking in the moment as she continues to kiss him. The moment air was needed, Bill didn’t wait long to kiss her again.

They both had enough of waiting, for this new perspective.

[fletchphoenix]

I Wish I Were Heather

Hello! Another varigo fanfiction! And it’s a songfic too ( Heather - Conan Gray). I’m kinda nervous to post this one because its got the first ever kiss scene I’ve written in it and I didn’t have time to edit it, sadly. But here!

Also can I just say I’m really grateful for the reception of my first one? Thank you so so much! 

---------------------------------

  Once you get to know him, Hugo isn’t so bad. At least that’s what Varian thinks. He knows there would be countless protests from Nuru about how “people like him never change” and that “he’s just conning us” but...Varian neglected to believe them. He trusted Hugo more than anything, especially after the blonde saved him during the trial in the Earth kingdom. 

  He should have listened to Nuru’s concerns. “It’s not safe.” she’d said. “There’s another way round, this way just isn’t safe!”, but he ignorantly brushed her worries aside. After all, the totem was right there. If he could just reach out and-

  He felt himself stumble forward. His feet lost their grip on the floor. Falling. Once solid ground had seemingly disappeared from under him and he began his descent. Gloved hands reached out desperately for something, anything, to hold onto. And they found something.

  Hugo’s worried face stared back at him, a previously unseen determination in his eyes as he gripped onto Varian’s arms with urgency and pulled him up as fast as he could. Varian steadied himself to stand on the platform after the ordeal. “That was close-” he began to say before his words were cut short. He was pulled into a tight embrace by Hugo, who was still unresponsive. It ended as quickly as it was initiated (much to Varian’s disappointment) as the older teen stood up and extended his arm, grabbing the totem and wordlessly turning away to leave. 

  Yong ran into his arms and held onto him, a steady flow of tears trailing down his cheeks as he gripped to Varian’s shirt so tightly as if he thought he’d magically disappear if he let go. He prepared himself for a scolding as Nuru made her way over, however all he received was a tight embrace from the princess. All he could focus on, however, was his saviour. Hugo looked down at him and gave a small reassuring smile. It was so much different from his usual smiles...it felt softer. With more meaning. Affectionate. Hugo then turned away, and Varian could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. 

  “Okay, time to go. Hopefully goggles won’t decide to have another near death experience on the way to Lunaris.” The blonde called out smugly, heading to the exit of the trial. Huh. So back to normal it was, then. The others seemed to agree too, all breaking their embrace and following behind the older teen.

  “Hey Nuru, are we gonna be there soon?” Yong complained from the back of Prometheus, Ruddiger curled up in his lap asleep. He usually rode on Prometheus with the others on foot, constantly complaining about his legs hurting or ankles hurting..not that it bothered anyone, of course. He was a joy to have around - always working on his fireworks and assisting Varian with his projects. Full of wonder and excitement. Just like he was before...well, everything.

  “Yes Yong, we’ll be there in a few minutes!” the princess replied from where she was leading the group. Nuru, in many ways, was an extremely valuable member to their team, acting as the navigator and the diplomat to them. The only downside was she wasn’t too trusting, specifically of..

  “Finally. You have no idea how much my legs are killing!” Hugo’s voice rang through his ears as he began to walk forward. Ah yes. Hugo. He was certainly a...character. Sure, he was rude, sarcastic and generally saw people as a way to get what he wants, but something about him made Varian feel all bubbly and flustered. It wasn’t that he was ugly either, with his undercut and sharp features and beautiful, emerald eyes...

  “Earth to Hairstripe?” Hugo called out, waving a hand in front of his face. Varian flinched backwards with his face reddening and heating up upon realising he was staring. “Damn, get someone to paint a portrait of me. It’ll last longer and be marginally less creepy.” The blonde laughed, a wide smirk on his face. Yet again, Varian felt his face heat up (but from anger! DEFINITELY not from embarrassment!) and he rolled his eyes. “You wish I was staring at you. Cmon, let's just go.” He mumbled and picked up his pace, trying to distance himself from Hugo.

  Within 10 minutes, they were in the city. Streets were bustling with carts set up akin to a makeshift market, with people weaving in and out of the streets. Children ran and played amongst themselves, Yong looking down on them from Prometheus’ back and desperate to join them. As they ventured further into the city, the number of people died out and allowed them a moment of silence amongst the chaos they’d arrived at. Varian tied up Prometheus in the town’s stables, setting down some apples for him to eat, with Ruddiger crawling onto his shoulders as they headed to the inn where the others were waiting.

  What he was greeted with was...surprising to say the least.

  Leaning against the counter was Hugo, seemingly small talking to a raven haired girl standing behind a counter. Her blue eyes shut and her head tilted back as she laughed at whatever he’d just said, a smile creeping onto the blonde’s face. Anger bubbled at the bottom of his stomach as he made his way over to the pair, a frown covering his features. Who even was this girl? 

  “Ah, goggles. Pleasure to finally see you show up.” Hugo started, smirking down at Varian. Varian raised his eyebrow and gestured to the girl on the other side of the counter. “This is Heather. She’s the owner of this fine establishment, and she’s invited us for a tour of town AND to see the fireworks celebrating the king’s birthday with her tomorrow. Amazing, right?” the other finished, resting his hand on top of Heather’s gently. 

  Heather nodded quickly and intertwined her fingers with Hugo’s. Varian bit the inside of his cheek, cringing at the metallic taste of blood quickly filling his mouth. “Oh yeah, definitely. Sounds..perfect.” he muttered before heading back over to sit with Nuru and Yong. As the two younger teens chattered, his gaze met Hugo and Heather again. They looked so happy..just those two talking. Hugo threw his head back in laughter and Varian felt his heart soar, but drop immediately after. It wasn’t fair. Why couldn’t he make Hugo react like that? Wait-why was he even feeling this way? What even WAS this feeling? 

  Varian groaned and stood up. “I’m going to my room.” he declared, taking his key from Nuru before she could protest and making his way past the seating area in the tavern to the dark oak stairs. Trekking up them, he walked down the hall to his room and immediately after unlocking it, he flopped back onto his bed. What was happening to him? Why was he so upset? Hugo was happy, and he should be too, so why did it feel like he was dying?

  His mind drifted to Hugo and Heather. He had no reason to hate her - for all he knew, she’d done nothing wrong at all. He pulled a pillow close to his chest and curled up slightly, hugging it as tight as he could. Heather...she was beautiful. More beautiful than he was handsome. The kind of beautiful that only came about in a lifetime. Hugo deserved someone like her - someone just as beautiful as he was. Wait- since when did he think Hugo was beautiful? Varian shoved his face into the pillow and screamed into it in frustration and anger. When did he even think like this? 

  “I’m staying. This is my family. I want to stay here.” he’d addressed the group in the living room of his cousin’s shack as they all prepared to depart and begin to head to Lunaris. His uncle placed a hand on his shoulder, a slight smile on his face. But of course Hugo was the first to speak up.

  “Really, Varian? You’re just gonna toss us aside like we don’t matter? What about your mother? Does that not matter to you either?” He spat, his anger and betrayal obvious on his face, his voice echoing off the thin, wooden walls. “After everything we’ve all done, you’re just leaving us? Yknow what- forget it. Yong, Nuru. Cmon. We have some trials to finish. Unlike some.” he added spitefully, turning on his heel and heading out of the door. 

  “What about us? Aren’t we your family?” Nuru asked, searching his eyes for something he couldn’t quite understand before she sighed and nodded, taking Yong’s hand. “I see how it is. Goodbye Varian.” she sighed and followed in Hugo’s footsteps, leaving the shack and pulling Yong along beside her.

  He didn’t understand. He was with his family again. He could be happy. He belonged here. Why did he feel so empty? So alone? He finally found somewhere that appreciated and needed his skills so why did he feel more isolated and hurt than ever? His uncle’s voice broke his thoughts and he turned his head to look at him. 

  “You don’t have to choose. We’re always going to be here when you get back. But those friends of yours? You can tell that they love you. As much as they don’t want to admit it, they need you there with you. Whatever you choose, we’ll support you but..we’re always going to be here.” 

  Varian’s eyebrows furrowed in thought, at war with himself. Hugo’s face wouldn’t leave his mind - looking as though Varian had stabbed him and proceeded to twist the knife. It didn’t look right for Hugo to be sad. He was too beautiful to be sad. Nuru and Yong’s reaction didn’t make it any easier either...Varian paused for a second before making his final decision. Hastily, he picked his bag up from the floor along with Ruddiger, pausing only to look up at his uncle. “I’ll come back soon. I promise.” He swore, smiling and running across the creaking floor to the crunching dirt outside. If he ran fast enough, he could catch up with the others. Hopefully they’d let him join them again. He prayed they would. 

  Ah. So that’s when. Varian groaned and shoved the pillow back into its original place on the bed, his eyes fixated on the ceiling in silence. Stupid Hugo making him feel stupid feelings towards him. It wasn’t fair. An exhausted sigh left his lips as he lay back on the bed. Maybe it’d be different tomorrow? 

  Tomorrow, as it turns out, was not different. At all.

  Their tour started off fun - Heather showing them landmarks in the city and talking about the history of the town. Varian tried to pay attention, he really did, but it was a strenuous task when all he could focus on was the way Hugo’s arm was around her. How he laughed when she made a joke and added the occasional quip here and there. It was a beautiful display to any outside, but to Varian…

It was suffocating.

  It continued like that throughout the day. Hugo and Heather being all lovey-dovey while Varian felt himself slowly dying. She really did have him mesmerised, didn’t she? Another laugh sounded out from her, as he glanced over in their direction. “Hey, how about we go watch the fireworks?” Heather questioned, the others agreeing in unison. Slowly, they began the journey to Lachlan’s Hill.

The hill in question was on the outskirts of town, but it was apparently the best place to watch the fireworks from according to Heather. In all fairness, the view was stunning. The whole town was illuminated by lanterns and street lights. All he could focus on was the way Hugo and Heather cuddled and stayed close to each other, preparing for the fireworks display. It hurt Varian to no end. He let out another sigh, tears welling in his eyes as Hugo wrapped his jacket around her. 

  That was the final straw.

  Varian stood up, tears now rolling down his cheeks as he grabbed his things and stormed away. He didn’t bother to pay attention as the others told him to come back. He just wanted to go home. He couldn’t sit there and watch it anymore. He didn’t understand. It’s just polyester, he kept repeating to himself. It’s just polyester so why are you so upset? He slumped down by a tree, sliding to the floor with his back pressed against it. Only then did he let himself truly cry. 

  “Okay, what’s going on in that head of yours?” Hugo’s voice asked, low and dripping with concern as he sat beside the raven haired boy on the floor. Varian couldn’t even bring himself to look at the blonde, tears still running down his cheeks. “Varian please, talk to me-”

  “Don’t you see what you’re doing to me, Hugo? How much it’s killing me to see you and her together?” He finally yelled out, interrupting the blonde mid-sentence. “My god, Hugo! To see her laughing and smiling with your arm around her and not a care in the world..it hurts! Seeing you two together feels like a- a stab to the gut! And it sucks because I can’t even hate her! She’s too perfect! She’s everything you deserve, because even though you’re a fucking asshole most of the time, you deserve the best girl in the world!” 

  “Varian-” Hugo tried to interject, but he kept on going. Days of pent up jealousy and anger rearing its ugly head.

“I see why as well! I see why you love her so much and why she loves you so much! She’s so much prettier than me. I don’t even see why you’d ever kiss me, because I’m not even half as beautiful as she is. I just- I WISH I WERE HEATHER!” He yelled out in Hugo’s face, finishing his rambling. 

  Hugo and Varian sat in a shocked silence, their eyes locked before Hugo reached out and intertwined their fingers silently. Gently, he pulled Varian closer to him and raised his hand to his lips before pressing a kiss to his knuckles gently. “I wish you were Heather too.” he whispered under his breath as Varian stared at him with wide eyes. 

  “I..what?” Varian questioned, moving closer to Hugo with his eyes still fixated on the taller male. He was lost for words - how could Hugo feel the same as he did? It just-didn’t make any sense to him at all. He let himself be pulled closer still by Hugo, their chests flush against each other as they looked into each other’s eyes again in silence. Hugo hesitantly broke the silence.

  “I love you, Varian. I really do, but I didn’t think you’d like me back. So I met Heather and she just...she reminded me so much of you. The black hair, blue eyes...tiny build-” He laughed slightly as Varian punched his arm. “What I mean to say is...I was trying to pretend that she was you this whole time. And that I love you.” 

  “I love you too, Hugo.” Varian said with a wide smile, tilting his chin up with his tears stopping. Hugo gently tilted Varian’s chin up, leaning in quietly. Finally their lips met and....nothing Varian had ever experienced could come close to the sensation. They moved against each other like it was just meant to be, in sync and in harmony. Hugo’s hand snaked around his waist as Varian’s arms wrapped around his neck slowly to pull each of them even closer than they were before.

  Eventually, Hugo broke the kiss to take in a breath. “Well, hairstripe. How about we head back and watch the fireworks?” He held out his hand, which he graciously took and let Hugo guide him back to the blanket. After taking a seat on the blanket they’d laid out prior, Hugo put his arm around Varian and pulled him closer. 

  And for the first time in forever...Varian was content to live in the moment.

[mcrvellouslystcrk]

Date Moves

Paring: Paul McCartney x Reader

Words: 1941

Rating: T I guess? 

Author’s Note: This is hugely based on that episode of Friends where Rachel and Joey go out on a date when she’s pregnant, although the reader here is not. Also didn’t proofread a lot cause yolo yknow :) 

You were having a really bad week.

 Stumbling in the living room, you could not care less about your dark circles, your tangled hair or the holes in your old jogger pants despite the four men sitting on the sofas.

 “Is there some scotch in this damn place?”

 The boys exchanged some concerned looks as you fell on a nearby armchair. Ringo approached you and tapped your shoulder.

 “What’s going on, love?”

 “Nothing.”

 “There’s obviously something going on.”

 “I said it’s nothing.”

 You hummed softly. Paul got up from the couch and lightened a cigarette.

 “Y/N, why don’t we go out tomorrow evening? I’ll take you someplace nice. These three can’t make it to the movies anyway.”

 You looked up from the pillow you had buried your face in.

 “What?”

 “Hey, it’s Brian you should be attacking, birdie,” John said while poking your side with his toes. “Macca is the only one who’s free tomorrow, and that’s just because he’s a suck-up.”

 You frowned.

 “I’m going to pretend I believe you…but I don’t.”

 “Oh, you know we love you!” George shouted from the kitchen.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you answered with a small smile. “Paul, you’re my new favorite.”

 Passing by him, you gave him a quick hug before joining George in the kitchen. As soon as you left the room, John hit Paul with a cushion.

 “Oh man, I can’t believe how chicks dig you. We almost could see a drop of sweat running on your temples when you asked her out.”

 “I didn’t ask her out. She thinks we’re just friends,” he added with a painful whine.

 “Mate, that’s just bloody sad. Why don’t you tell her?”

 “Can’t.”

 “Give me ten pounds and I’ll do it for ya.”

 “I’m with you, John, but he’s got to tell her himself,” Ringo intervened. “Why don’t you become your usual, suave you?”

 “Because it’s Y/N we’re talking about!”

 “Yeah, so? You’ve liked her since forever, and I’m sure she-”

 “Who?”

 Their heads turned simultaneously towards the sound of your voice as you were putting on your jacket. John was about to open his mouth but Paul violently pinched him from behind and Ringo slowly moved forward, his boiling cup of tea dangerously tilted over John’s trousers.

 “His aunt Mimi, you know, she was always kind to me and always sends me postcards, and, you know…”

 You hesitantly smiled at them before walking to the door.

 “Call me?” you asked Paul.

 “No need. Be ready at 8.”

__

 You checked yourself for the last time in the mirror near the front door before grabbing your keys and exiting your house. There, on the few steps leading to the sidewalk, was your date, standing still and grinning like a madman.

 “Aw, look at you all dressed up for your best friend,” you exclaimed, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

 “Anything for my favorite midget.”

 His grin grew wider while he messed up your hair, earning a small shriek from you – this took me half an hour you git! – as you tried to restyle them. You sent him a dirty look but he laughed it off and offered you the bouquet of flowers he was hiding behind his back. Purple tulips. You softened at the sight.

 “So, where shall we go?”

 “I was thinking maybe that place near Carnaby Street, you know, the one with the fancy menu?”

 “Sounds great! But don’t you think we should’ve booked first?”

 Paul shrugged, hands in the pockets of his tuxedo.

 “Already did. Pattie told me you wanted to go there,” he explained to your raised eyebrows.

 You smiled to yourself as you entered the car.

 “Thank you for doing this,” you mumbled.

 “Hey, it’s a great idea. Couldn’t leave you alone today. And you were right the other day, we don’t spend much time together anymore, and…I rather miss you.”

 Your heart skipped a bit as you slightly punched him on the shoulder.

 “I rather miss you too.”

 __

  “-and then we set the condom on fire!”

 “You didn’t!”

 “We did, and trust me, you don’t want to try that.”

 You chuckled and looked around you. Your table was secluded from the others, giving you some well-thought privacy to avoid any fanatical attacks. The jazzy music gave the restaurant a black and white New-York vibe that you always longed for late at night in front of the television.

 “You know, there has always been something I wanted to ask you. I’m just so curious…”

 “About what?” Paul asked while serving you some more wine.

 You shrugged, a little embarrassed but continued.

 “What are your moves?”

 “My what?”

 “Your moves, you know, on a date – a real date. You must have a sort of routine, right?”

 “Bold of you to assume I need dates to get girls. They keep throwing themselves at me.”

 Half amused, half exasperated, you threw your napkin at him.

 “Oh, come on.”

 He looked down to hide the smirk that was growing on his lips.

 “I don’t have any moves…”

 You scoffed.

 “I don’t buy it. A guy like you must have some moves.”

 He raised a cheeky eyebrow.

 “And what would ‘a guy like me’ be?”

 Devastatingly handsome. Excessively perfect. The owner of my heart.

 “You know… A flirt.”

 His lips formed a mockingly hurt ‘o’.

 “Is that what you think of me?”

 You narrowed your eyes, shooting him another come on glare. He laughed and raised his hands in surrender.

 “Okay, okay. I don’t know, I have various ‘moves’, as you like to call them, that I gradually display over the course of the night and see whether they work or not. But they generally do.”

 You took a bite of your plate and moved your head to the left, thoughtful.

 “I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific than that. I can’t roast you with so little information.”

 He smiled brightly and, gently taking you free hand, began rubbing it with his thumb. He looked at you, head slightly tilted, and moved just a tad forward.

 “You know, I wanted to wait till the end of the evening to kiss you but you look so beautiful that I can’t resist.”

 Your gaze fell from his hazel eyes to his lips, and let out an honest giggle.

 “That’s so stupid, but I almost leaned in.”

 “You totally checked me out, though.”

 “No…”

 He shrugged, visibly satisfied with himself.

 “Whatever makes you sleep at night.”

 You rolled your eyes but could not hide your nascent grin.

 “Anyway, that’s all you got?”

 “No, I sometimes have a bottle of wine or something ‘sent from a fan’”

 “And it works?” you asked, truly concerned about the intelligence of the female gender.

 “It does when I combine it with ‘Oh my god, this is so embarrassing, I just want to live a normal life!’”

 “Oh, you poor little famous man!” you exclaimed, punching him across the table.

 “And what do you do?” he enquired, slapping your hand away.

 You took a sip of your wine, languorously, and gently patted your humid lips with the napkin. Paul opened his mouth to stop you but you took your lipstick and began putting it on with a deliberate slowness. He froze as he watched the cardinal red stick move on every curve of your mouth, matching the depth of the wine. Without breaking the established eye contact, you pressed your two lips together to even the colour and slightly bite your lower lip before offering him a playful smile.

 “Fair enough,” he nodded appreciatory.

 “I know it’s nothing, but I usually get a response. Especially when I combine it with other things.”

 He moved his hand to ask for the check, which came almost immediately. At times like that, you found yourself wondering whether it was the quality of the restaurant or the fame of your entourage that caused up the speediness and promptness of the service.

 You moved to reach for your purse but felt an iron hand block you.

 “What kind of a gentleman would I be if I let you pay?”

 “Oh come on, Paul! This isn’t even a real date!”

 “Y/N, this doesn’t need to be a romantic rendezvous for me to be courteous.”

 He paused and looked around.

 “However, that candle-lit table feels pretty la vie en rose, no?”

 “I guess.”

 The orchestra had moved on to a softer, more exotic tune. You recognized the first notes of The Girl From Ipanema as you both got up and walked to the door.

 But I watch her so sadly, how can I tell her I love her

Yes I would give my heart gladly

 You both looked down as the song’s volume gradually decreased, both lost in your thoughts. Having decided you would leave the car there for the night, you had been strolling for a few meters when he broke the casual silence.

 “That was so fun.”

 “Well, that’s because you never went on a date with me before,” you snickered gingerly and placed your arm around his, feeling emboldened by the alcohol.

 “Is that so?” He murmured, looking down at you.

 He was so close that you felt his breath intertwine with yours. You gulped and turned away. Letting out a few coughs, you glanced at him while keeping a respectful distance between your two heads.

 The walk went by just fine. He cracked up a few jokes and you laughed, and then told some more as you passed through the lively city. London at night was as bustling as it was in the mornings, but the dark sky and the delightful company provided some sort of serenity that seemed impossible to normally find.  

 When you arrived in front of your house, your feet were hurting, but you could not care less. You were caught in that after-date glee that made everything feel so marvelously perfect.

  “So, what are Paul McCartney’s end of the night moves?”

 He met your gaze with a bright smirk.

 “Well, first of all, I make my lips irresistible.”

 Your lips already are irresistible.

 “How?”

 “This better stay between us but…I use a softening lip balm,” he sheepishly admitted.

 You giggled, actually surprised by the statement.

 “Oh, man, I’m going to have so much fun with this.”

 Paul gently pushed you on the side and you would have tripped if he was not still holding you.

 “Anyway…”

 You locked eyes for a moment. He put his hands on your hips, slowly leaning in. You could not help staring at his lips, not caring anymore about the consequences of your actions. Backed up by the alcohol and the thrill of the moment, you decided to move even more forward.

 “Oh God, just do it.”

 “You’re half drunk. If I kiss you now, I won’t stop at that.”

 “Who says I’d want you to stop?”

 You grabbed his collar and pulled him closer, plunging on his lips. The kiss was soft, yet fiery from the taste of the red wine. Your hands wandered from his hair to this torso, making him pull you closer.

 Lacking air, you softly broke away and let your fingers linger on his jawline. He gave you the most shattering smile, and you shivered as he proceeded to place butterfly kisses all over your face and neck.

 “I hope you know what you’re doing to me,” you muttered, your hands sliding to his chest, sensing the soft fabric of his pullover.

 He laughs at your swollen lips and dreamy eyes.

 “Y/N, I love you. Can’t keep it to myself anymore.”

 “Well, that’s really convenient, because I love you too.”

 Let’s just say your week had gotten a lot better.

[transromanticism]

married au where shawn dies (or fakes his death if we want a happier ending - but gus doesn’t know it’s fake because it’d never be believable if gus knew the truth)

anyways take your pick but gus during either one + the song “i can’t breathe” by bea miller

:)

I WAS A DUMB BITCH AND LOST A BUNCH OF STUFF I WROTE ON THIS BUT PRETTY MUCH: HEY MADISON PLS STOP BEING MEAN? BUT I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS™ ON THIS AU TWO IN PARTICULAR AND NOT TO BE PREDICTABLE BUT NO DEATHS HERE ONLY FAKE ONES:

1) on the early seasons, due to a case of week gone really south, some guy wants to kill shawn. sbpd make him "go missing" (bc faking his death and stuff is too complicated yknow?) and only a selected few, vick+lassiter+jules included, are aware of what's happening. shawn hates it bc well why wouldn't he? he knows it will worry gus so much and he just wishes he could pass like two weeks with his husband in some secluded area or whatever. bonus not having henry worried too bc like even if he's not in the greastest of terms with him, it's still smth yknow?

anyway, the police needs to tell the family (gus & henry), and it goes bad. frankly, gus isn't even sure he registered anything after "shawn spencer is missing" was said. henry, on the other hand, has too many thoughts in his head, because he knows shawn can take care of himself, but it's his kid, he can only but worry. they sort of stay there with no reaction some time after the officer leaves, until gus just breaks and falls to the floor crying. it snaps henry out, and he realizes the gravity of the situation, and he finally hugs gus, in this despair-comfort wet pile in the middle of the living room.

henry takes gus to his parents' house to stay for some time. they both know he wouldn't be able to cope alone, so the best place to stay is with mr. & mrs. guster. those first days are something, for certain. his parents are too soft with gus, the bed's too big, and at random moments he has meltdowns where he can't breathe and it only worries his parents even more. he doesn't go to work, and jules tries to call him to cheer him up, but gus's phone is so forgotten its lost all battery. he only really talks to henry, because at least he understands, somewhat, but it still feels different. he wants to talk about shawn, about the little things he did in the morning, and his obsession with pretty in pink, and so many moments he can barely listen them all, but he can't, his tears won't let him.

the days pass quickly, and gus barely notice them. he's tired, and there's no shawn to sheer him up or drag him to some crazy stuff to do. when gus wakes up somewhat better, he goes to the station and doesn't leave until it's the start of the night and jules takes him to eat something ("you need to eat" "and you need to look better for shawn" "it's not easy like that, gus, please understand" "well it certainly should be!"). gus completely forgets about the case, the reason shawn's "missing" in the first place. well, he didn't forget, he even brought it up to jules, asking if they theorized if that guy was involved in this. but he gave it up, because psych is him and shawn, so it doesn't make to even try to do anything. gus's been sleeping in, staying in bed for too long, schedule totally lost.

it's been a week and something already, and gus doesn't wanna get up. he heard the house phone ringing earlier, and hours later, someone came by, and whoever it was talked in some hushed tones with the gusters. gus deepens himself in the bedsheets so much he might as well not leave today, give up on today and only be a proper person tomorrow (or two days from now). he's almost falling asleep when he hears footsteps coming. "i will get up later, mom" he says, a little muffled by the pillows. the door opens anyway. "mom-" he stops dead and his air goes away. "hi, sorry for taking so long" shawn says with a sheepish grin. gus stares for some seconds and he can already feel the tears starting to form. he jumps from the bed and hugs him tightly, and then steps away to properly see his husband. "you're here" "i am" and it feels very much a soft, tender moment, until gus starts screaming. "HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME HERE LIKE THIS? I THOUGHT YOU KNEW I WOULD BE DEVASTATED! DID CHIEF VICK EVEN SEND ANYONE TO INVESTIGATE?" he stops for a second and looks, really looks ate shawn, trying to not laugh at his hysterical husband, but with some tears shining his eyes, too "oh, thank god you came back save to me" he finishes, kissing his man.

2) this time, it's fake death, so this really the only about your ask, sorry kjsksjs. anyway, i'm not really sure on what makes shawn fake his death, but i think something to do with the yin/yang cases. just, yknow, something goes really, really south. (i only vaguely know how those victim/witness protection stuff happen so, sorry) shawn doesn't want to give up on his life, give up on gus, but there's not really another option, it's this, or actually dying, and shawn chooses this. high ranking officers in the sbpd know, and henry knows, but only those people. shawn moves to san francisco, and henry helps him settle down and keeps him noted on how's gus doing.

gus reacts horribly, of course. (i also only vaguely know how the grief proccess happens so, sorry) he's not even sure if he's having a panic attack, an anxiety attack, a meltdown, a breakdown, some episode he doesn't know about, or some mixture of all. it hurts. it hurts so bad. and he hates how people act with him, how it makes everything worse, their words and expressions, it's a punch in an already destroyed but. he's not even sure how the hell he's supposed to plan a funeral like this.

it's in the first days of planning that he starts to question this. his mom say it's denial, "i know it's hard, darling, but remember it will be okay. it's normal to feel like this" but it's different. yes, this denial can be easily mistaken by the usual denial of grief, but it's not. it feels off, the no body and the explanations. he doesn't want to believe in it, but the day of the damned funeral approaches, and he will have to believe in it. thinking about it already makes it hard to breath, he knows if he accepts he will break, and he's trying really hard not to.

gus grows tired, of the empty bed, of the too big apartment, of the little rituals he didn't notice but now feel like a sore thumb that they can't do it, he feels tired of everything. somehow, at some point, he accepts whatever he saw off was just his brain reaching for anything for confirm that this wasn't real, shawn was alive somewhere, waiting for him, etc etc. he went to a therapist, and his grief held to him tighter and heavier than anything ever could, and he never took off his ring.

and then, years after, jules moves to san francisco, just like in canon, and some months later, gus visits her, because she's his friend, and it would be nice to see san francisco. and one day, when he's walking around the tourist traps, he sees shawn. he doesn't believe it, and he can't breathe anymore and the tears start falling, and he hates how it's been years but he still reacts like that. but then shawn starts to go towards him, and gus can barely hold himself up now, because oh my god, shawn is here, he's alive, in flesh and blood, right here in front of him, and he can't believe it, but he does believe it, maybe too quickly, but he does, he doesn't care anything. shawn holds gus, holds his face and tries to dry his tears which keep falling more and more. "gus, gus, i'm so sorry, i'm so, so sorry. please be okay. don't cry. i'm here, don't cry" gus laughs a little, somehow, and he too cleans some of the tears on shawn's face, "look who's talking" he stops for a beat, and another, and another, just looking at and touching shawn, absorving it all "i can't believe it, you're real, i'm not dreaming, i know i'm not. don't ever leave me like that again" he envellops himself into shawn, kissing his cheek dry, and for once, gus breathes like he used too.

[rainbowhouseplant]

Favorite moment or quote from all 7 Hargreeves children.

1-- (Luther) I don’t... really have a favourite moment or quote from him. I WILL say that when he gets emotional over the unopened letters from the bloody moon makes me ridiculously uncomfortable but not in a I want to help way, more in a Ew, gross, don’t do that where anyone can see you way. However! I appreciate that scene because they could just go with the muscle-head type trope you’re supposed to associate with someone of his size but instead you see vulnerability and... I appreciate it. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it, but I appreciate it.

2-- ( Diego) “If I see a boner, I’m out.” Also I REALLY like the scene where he turns off his mom? It’s heartbreaking in a way, and you can see that he really does love her, even if she’s not actually human? (Then again, who is?) Also powering down mom scene apparently resonated with my coworker whose mother IS super dead, like we don’t make Your Mom jokes around him DEAD.

3--(Allison) While Allison is gorgeous to look at, I’m not overly keen on her. I think it’s the uh... yknow... thiiiiiiing. I guess I really did like the scene where she rumors her child to go the fuck to sleep-- because if I had that power, you bet your ass I’d be telling people to go to sleep. Loud kid in a grocery store? Bam! Now you’re asleep. Annoying clerk? Bam!, I got free groceries. I guess she’s actually sort of a good person though because instead of becoming a self serving super villain she just.... boned a dude, had a child, and made a career for herself. It’s not much different than normal networking, I guess?

4--(Klaus) Every. Single. Scene. Every Quote. Heck, he could do something Tumblr Problematic and I’ll still be here like ‘I love this traumatised little yam’. If I haaaaaaaaave to pick though, Returning From War is just oof. Ouch. That hurts--and I don’t have feelings but that boy’s face right then, yowch. Or when he’s in The Afterlife and Daddy Hargreeves (....should I write it like that? Oh gods someone’s gonna kinkshame me when I’m just trying to be sarcasting. Dad Kinks Are Nasty Pls Leave. OKAY back to our sentence--) admits that he killed himself, that single tear is just... wow. Like, Death, PTSD, Sobriety, Addiction could have made him cold and aloof and douchey  but we see that he’s got a lot of empathy in him still and it’s... really nice acting and writing and characterization. And any instance of him in Allison’s skirts is A+ too.

5-- (Five)I actually really love the moment when Five goes to confide something about the apocalypse to Vanya because she’s ordinary. It’s super obvious from how the show is set up that you should pay attention to her and that they’ll come to eat those words later, but I guess that’s what I love about that moment? And like, that he chose her book of all books to scribble a billion little equations in? God damn two foot tall psycho really did just want to get back to his family and while I can’t relate, it’s admirable.

6--(Ben) ...This is an obvious one, I think, but I loved when Ben smacked Klaus... using Klaus’ power. It’s the ultimate “why are you hitting yourself” moment, right? Because if Klaus couldn’t see ghosts or commune with them, then Ben would just be another sad spirit haunting who knows what... but, nope. He gets to full on smack his damn brother in the face for being an idiot. And I just... find it really funny that it probably wouldn’t be possible without using Klaus as a catalyst? I mean what, real world ghosts can... at most, give you a couple scratches and non consensual lovebites? Step it up, ghosts! You got ghost role models now!

7--(Vanya) ...Baby Vanya As A MurderBoat. I really liked Baby!Vanya more than... Adult!Vanya but then again I know that Adult!Vanya was literally horse tranq’d into not having a personality. It doesn’t stop me from loving the fact that she murdered actual, human, beings, because she didn’t like oatmeal. ...Granted I hate oatmeal too, I’d probably murder over it.

[elitemeowmix]

*Long post warning*

I wish I could call someone tonight but I can’t. Normally I’d call my mom but this is the one thing I absolutely refuse to talk to her about — I already feel bad enough that I put her through what I did, and I’m not going to make her keep thinking about it, yknow? Like, I can’t imagine how she must have felt (at least she heard it from me first and not from the school? And I don’t even want to know how much my sister knew of the situation) And I can rattle off reasons why individual friends wouldn’t be available but TLDR they’re dealing with their own stuff right now. And I did actually talk to another friend today, but I’m not going to talk for a second time today about essentially the exact same thing, yknow?

What a time to be living in a city where I know absolutely know one, huh? My textbook: “social isolation leads to worse morbidity and mortality with mental illness.” Me, with no social network in this city: yeah that checks out

There’s a part of me that’s like, “Well, it’s your own fault for feeling this way because you shouldn’t have listened to that lecture right before bed.” But yknow what? Screw that, I don’t have a choice here; I have an exam this week and I have to learn the content at some point and I took all. freaking. day. just to motivate myself to eat something and then to study — I needed to watch that lecture now because I have SO much I need to get done tomorrow, thanks to not getting much done today, thanks to the emotional aftermath of this week.

Note to self: reach out to my psych NP and tell her I’m really going to struggle emotionally with this class because if this is just the first week…yikes

It’s not even about talking to someone about this, per se (because what would I even say?!?). it’s more about not being alone, not being trapped in my own brain, not listening to only my thoughts. I’d take a conversation about ANYTHING right now, any kind of distraction.

Me: “I think I’m doing heaps better.” *does anything related to this class* “Huh I guess I’m not as Okay with my personal history as I thought I was”

Immediately after, I was SO open to talking about it, almost over-eager. Now I avoid it literally at all costs. I learned recently that apparently in the year that I’d lived here, I’d never even mentioned KG to my NP?! Like, that was just my dog’s name to her, with no significant backstory. That’s apparently how deeply I’ve started to avoid talking about all of this

Also, screw all the psych professionals in my history who sucked at my care. I knew they sucked before, but now being a Baby Healthcare Professional and taking a class on mental illness has made me really appreciate just how acutely people sucked. Special shout-out to Him, for handling that day so damn badly that he did ALL the things I’ve been told NOT to do in my class. Like, way to handle that as poorly as you possibly could have done. Would I have PTSD had you acted better???? There’s no way to know for sure, but I know damn well that the whole experience would’ve been less traumatic. I was NOT impulsive at the time, we had time to work with, but because of you I became impulsive! Would my memory have haunted you if something had happened? Or would you have forgotten me, like you probably already have? It’s not fair that you probably don’t even remember me or that day, but you are forever seared in my memory

And you’d think that after him, I wouldn’t have trusted a psych professional again, but nope, I just thought he was a random bad egg! Spoiler alert: that was just the start of a long line of suckiness. I lost years of my life because of bad mental health professionals. I know I shouldn’t dwell on “what could have been,” but god, it would’ve been nice not to feel so ridiculously miserable! It would have been nice NOT to deeply hurt someone I cared deeply about! It would have been nice to do well in school! To make friends! To major in a department I didn’t actively hate! To be able to actually remember the past several years! To not have a “SB”! (Which I still have, btw, because I knew my mom was moving and didn’t want her to find it when she packed up, so now it’s actually living with me, although tbh I’m not sure where it is because my room is a mess - tiny perk of being messy? But I STILL can’t bring myself to get rid of it. …but that’s a whole conversation for another day)

“Hopelessness: the belief that tomorrow won’t be any better than today.” That was in my lecture this evening. Sometimes I truly do believe that I’ve overcome that, and then there’s times like tonight where I’m like “it’s been YEARS and this is STILL affecting me so deeply?? DOES it really get better?” And I know that objectively yes, it does get better, but like…it shouldn’t be THIS hard still, right??

God I want to be a jellyfish so badly. No brain, just floating in the ocean. Jellyfish don’t have nights like tonight