#and i want my mom to leave me alone
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i am ill :(
#on monday i came home from a trip and i didn't feel great#then on tuesday i knew i was sick#yesterday I felt pretty good#but then i couldn't sleep past night and i'm like really sick today#also somewhat of a vent in the next tags ig#my mental health was actually pretty good the past few weeks so i should've known it would get bad at some point#anyway everything blew up last night when it comes to my mental health#and I need to hang out with at least one of my friends but i can't really leave my house#and I haven't talked to one of my close friends in like a month#but im scared to text him even though that's stupid#and i want my mom to leave me alone#anyway#been feeling stinky#not fun :/
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ok.
#ok.#fine.#whatever#this is fine#rhis is ok#FINE#Okay#Whatever WHATEVER#i dont even care#leave me alone#no one talk to me#no one look at me#oh my god#FAKE daddys girl you want a hug from your mom so badly!!!!!#im very emotional
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Fuck all of y'all in Florida how dare you misrepresent my liberal king that man loves women (not in that way) and he would not STAND for this smh
#yk damn well he'd make the vague but absolutely not vague threats and then actually follow through on them#HE WOULD NOT MISS!!!!!!!#anyways this week has sucked so bad dear god#the cold I've had for a month has apparently been pneumonia#And I coughed so hard I TORE A FUCKING MUSCLE in my ribs and I could barely move for days and had to sleep in a recliner#also finally got diagnosed with adhd but found out all my old teachers told my mom they think I have it and I should get tested but NOOOOOOO#SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH IT#there literally couldn't have been a clearer sign than when I almost failed fourth grade because I couldn't turn in my homework on time#The election obviously my immediate family are full Kamala but my grandparents are VERY Trump#Oh and my brothers therapist told us he apparently has the most severe case of executive dysfunction he's seen in his 30 years of working#He literally told us to just take him out of college and let him live at home forever because he won't be able to finish school#because of it so THAT'S gonna be fun since my dad said if he ever tries to come live back here he'll throw him out on the streets#THIS IS JUST IN A WEEK#WHO IS MY OPP I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I DON'T DESERVE THIS FANFIC WRITER ASS LORE#LEAVE ME ALONE 😭#red vs blue#rvb#rooster teeth#rvb florida#election 2024
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if i see any more Chloe hate i’m going to fucking explode. i’m not even kidding this makes me physically ill i’m going to create a fucking uQuiz about Chloe Price’s character and if you get a bad score you officially do not understand her character and has no right to talk about her whatsoever because you cannot just……say shit like « yeah duh of course i chose Arcadia Bay over her she was so dramatic and annoying and so mean omg 🙄🙄🙄 » i’m coming for you. like you can chose Arcadia Bay it’s a choice based game but if you did it because ‘Chloe was such a meanie 😓’ OH MY GOD. i’m. aidiaoisoz. can someone plz stop me i’m going to jump off a roof /j
#life is strange#lis#chloe price#that was random but i needed to have this out i hate how this fandom treats their characters sometimes#the ppl who don’t get a character are the ppl who talk abt them the most like??? stfu???#but chloe price is a young woman OF COURSE she’d get shamed for having feelings#like leave her alone my girl had every right to be angry and she could’ve been way angrier but she wasn’t what more do you want???#like. her dad died. her best friend left her. her mom married some guy who was physically and verbally abusive.#ppl were treating her like she was overdramatic when she was just. grieving.#and the only person who understood her (rachel) had been missing for six months already at the beginning of the game#like. DO YOU WANT HER TO BE FUCKING OVERJOYED???????#i’m genuinely going insane over this#chloe price get behind me
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˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹˙—
#im currently at my sister's place. she wanted me to take care of our dog while she and my mom goes home to sort through their stuff#i have a very unpleasant headache after waking up early after no sleep. walking to the psychiatric for an appt. then having minor issues to#get here bc the train tracks were... smth?? and the train was late and idk. it ended up being painless to get here#then i went to buy groceries and then took the bus here. since i've been here once it is easier for me to navigate skskks#now im here and im happy to be with my dog :3 i havent seen him for an entire month :(((((#but it feels weird to be all alone.... i dont like it actually :// i mean if i didnt have my dog here it would be AWFUL#i dreaded a bit to take my dog outside bc she lives on the third floor and he cant walk down the narrow stairs. so i have touse the elevator#but that went fine!! its still not as easy as just opening the door and then go straight outside tho T-T!!!!#idk. i realize that im just.. a person who dont like change. i have lived in the same place my ENTIRE life. i havent moved once.#and even if it isnt as nice anymore bc um literally thousands of ppl have moved in the past couple of years... it isnt as calm at all anymor#BUT. i fkn love the environment and scenery. there are so many beautiful and pleasant places to walk. and sit. i just love and need to walk#i know every road and walkaway there.. i know which trails are calmer and nicer etc. we have parks and forests and all that#here is like just housing areas. like apartments and houses and stores and schools. and roads. roads everywhere... cant find a path without#a road next to it ://// it isnt calm at all bc there are always cars :( and um idk how im supposed to go for walks when there arent anywhere#to go. so yeah what im saying is that even if the place i live has gotten worse.. i still feel. like thats my home.#idk how to live anywhere else. and to think this might be the year i HAVE to move. i .. dont know how to adapt and settle into another place#i LOVE where i live. i love how its built and the neighborhoods and everything. i feel so so attached to that place. i know this is life etc#but since i have lived there my entire life and just now being away from it in a place that has 10% of what my home has im like.#idk it feels really bad and im just not into life at all rn. i wanna live in a place i like and just rot into it. never leave.#i dont like change... im realllyyyy homesick rn T-T esp being alone without my family sucksssss i hate it
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ok but for real tho does anyone know how to actually get all your records removed from the mormon church? bc if you've ever been to one you'll know how actually creepy they are. someone will have visited the church ONCE three years ago and they'll somehow have the persons address and be discussing ways to get them to come back
#i'm worried officially leaving will have to involve. going to the church and sitting down in the bishop's office and having a Long Talk#...i don't want to even SEE a church building again let alone GO INSIDE and TALK#THAT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME#i've been not a member for years but you'll never get anywhere near freedom if they still have your records...#and it doesn't help that my mom signed me up for a few of their website things and gave them my email a few years ago AGAINST MY WILL!!!#unityrain.txt#anti mormonism#ex mormonism#ex mormon#anti mormon
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don't think i'm writing something about the patho kids anytime soon if ever but sometimes i am overcome with full-fledged thoughts of their past or future except it always look something like this
#yes it's edited from that one edit i made leave me alone. i think the phrase#''but i have the plague so idrc about that rn'' is really funny. just like me slowly realizing i have symptoms i don't want to dwell on.#neigh (blabbers)#his hard knock life at the hard knock life factory#his mom canonically died at birth so in my mind his problem was just the dad. hence the good riddance. shit father narrative🔥🔥
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I have not posted any of my analysis to reddit yet and I think I might just post it and ghost it. I've already spent too much time looking at other people's threads on there to feel any way good about interacting with folks.
I already went in an added the "I know you're going to bring this up let me save you the time" section which is exclusively touching on the frequent topics of:
"well what about the fingerprint nostrum and finger mimics? He is clearly just a crackpot"
And
"it's definitely some weird elaborate sacrifice to Metyr thing"
#if he's drinking hallucinogenic tea in his free time genuinely good for him. whatever man. i just do not think either of those items are-#at all relevant to the quest especially the nostrum because it is a placebo medicine and aint nothing fake about this shit#also i think theres a distinction between becoming fingers vs wanting to replace metyr? idk like as ive said i think he thinks he's-#better than the fingerweavers and rightfully so#like please come to a new conclusion other than “man this guy is on drugs”#also girl... metyr doesnt need sacrifices. like? where is that textually or in set design? metyr wants us to leave her the fuck alone#she's minding her own business EVERY TIME WE SPAWN INTO HER ZONE#like why are people so desperate for everything to have a dark undercurrent? not everything has to be some dark disney ass shit#“actually finding nemo is a hallucination & Marlin is insane & nemo is dead that movie is actually super fucked up & dory is a grim reaper”#like im sorry but this is how this extra shit all feels to me#like it is already fucked up and miserable?#is he 100% a good person? like thats genuinely person to person. theres personal gain from the quest#and hes definitely very good at getting what he wants#manipulate manifest mother#tail fingers on the vision board#devon yaps#and yap I did#like I don't want to be a bitch because yeah we should genuinely celebrate other peoples theories and hcs in these games#but i dont think “lol this guy is just on drugs” is one of those things#because i like spooky theories if theyre backed up.#but to say “its this weirdly horrible thing and youre all wrong” especially in his context is not great to me#Sorry. like may my own arrogance strike me down like the scholar i think i am 😤 farewell#because again its coming down to meeting this narrative without preconceived bias and most of the reddit stuff feels like-#“he is fucked up. won't say why. but i bet you know why i actually think this 🤫🤫🤫” like just you cant wrap your brain around guy mom#i do really want to reiterate this is about reddit shit. like i am so into people who love his character but interpret him more sinister💕😚#truly eating that shit up
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am i well within my rights to just maniacally scream at anyone who tries to grieve AT me next week or
#a week from today is the 5th anniversary of my mom’s death and woooooo ladies and germs#the ptsd body symptoms are going WILD#mentally? i’m so fine. physically? i think i might vibrate out of my skin#and so many other people did and do grieve her publically and i just 🤢#i want so terribly to put out a disclaimer that’s like “IF YOU DONT KNOW THINGS LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT’#so glad i deleted facebook#like girl WHYYYY are you tagging me in your grief posting 😭#anyway!#this has been me yelling into the void#personal
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Me, talking to my mom: Yeah, I was looking up a mine I know I went to on a fieldtrip when I was small. I can hardly remember it, but I still have my souvenir. But the trip into the mine is like a 1000 ft straight down and you know how I am with heights so I have to assume either they just gave us a tour of the surface buildings or my acrophobic ass blotted a fair chunk of the trip from my memory because that would have been Something.
My dad, walking passed: Oh yeah, I was one of the chaperones on that trip, wasn't the most interesting but it was cool enough. We did take your whole class down into the mine via elevator.
All of us: Guess it got blotted out.
#i love wandering around caves and mines and mountains#but heights and i are Not Friends#one of my mom's worst vacation experiences was having to strong-arm me into going down a ladder on a trip#because she wasn't about to leave me alone in the gift shop and she wanted to take the fucking tour#i did enjoy myself but going up and down that ladder was a low point for all of us besides my sister who went ahead each time#the souvenir is a bit of gold flake by the way#not a lot like i'd be lucky to get a 20th of a gram#but still it's pretty neat for a mineral fan like myself
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friday nights are when nothing has changed
#i’m still the same person i was in high school sitting around at home watching movies and reading because it makes me happy but being with#people also makes me happy and i never make an effort to do that! why are you still sticking to the rules that never existed in the first#place! you can go anywhere you want! do anything you want! buy anything you want! why are you always waiting to follow other people’s leads#hopefully getting a car will actually make it click. but not really because i’m going to be within driving distance of my mom so she won’t#fucking leave me alone I WANT TO HAVE MY OWN LIFE! IT NEVER ENDS!
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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father told me that if i wanted i could take a walk around the block for exercise if i didnt want to do the physical therapy ones bc "they both take 15 minutes" does he know?
#(pointing at me) guy who almost passed out after standing for only 5#my mom was saying something to me but i couldnt hear her bc i was too lightheaded too shes probably mad at me#all i wanted to do was get a snack leave me alone i already did everything you asked me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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What if I cried tomorrow. What then.
#i work til 11pm then am supposed to grt up to be AT WORK at 4#then my fucking neighbor wants me to fucking shop for her#and mom wants me to make dinner like DHRIEKS NO I WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP AND I WANT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING (sans my dog and cats) TO#sHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE.#'oh can u vaccum too' no. fuck you#.txt
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The time when my sister and mom are blasting old Italian pop is coming rip
#nothing against it per se but as soon as spring hits they play the same fucking cds all the time#and get annoyed when i throw in one normal cd for everyone bc i don't even listen to most of my more 'exotic' stuff around them#like you can play a couple of songs but please not all day and not let me play other music that isn't schlager#they do that until fall and then it's christmas music almost 24/7. shooting myself over this#like i haven't built up a collection of 300+ records and probably over 1000 cds to not be able to listen to them whenever i want#and they get pissed when i go to my room because i'm leaving them alone. girl let me have hobbies and not play guitar in the living room#since i've been at home with my mom every day after graduating i barely get to anything ffs i had more time for hobbies when i was in school#i mean i do have the time now technically but she always feels lonely when i'm doing things for myself during the day#also when i asked my sister what her bf listens to she and my mom made fun of me saying music taste would be a dating dealbraker for me#when it's not really like that but yk i'm not gonna date someone who listens to music i hate and who doesn't let me do my thing#so not exactly a dealbreaker but definitely hard to stay with someone long term bc it's one of the main things you gotta have in common imo#this turned into a rant but it makes me unnecessarily upset and now i need a drink ugh#mel talks
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Cant even text people i used to know because i took myself out of everyone's lives who i loved
Haha
Played yourself
#whats the saying#dont putball ypur eggs in one basket#dont do that#it leaves yoy with nothing but actyal pure lonliness#like when i say i have no one to fucking turn to i mean it#the only fucking people i know are through my fuxking partner who they all love#theyre THEIR friends. not mine.#and they cant fucjing see that#i have no one#ive been alone for 3 years#i cant even talk to my mom#ive been forgotten and im struggling to see any point to existing if not for my partner#and they definitely dont fucking want anything to do with me right bow
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