#and i wanna parse out why this might be

[lunerat]

I've realized I want to run an actual survey uhhhh, mainly gonna be on asian households and class disparity in the United States?

[meowmeowmeowmeow4x]

Dark Blue Moon and the Suffering Sun Chapter 14

hope u all enjoy <3 comment and reblog it really means a lot :>

MASTAPOST

The smell of Atlantean was getting stronger, Danny kept himself and Damian invisible as they perched atop a cliff looking down at the town. He could hear Damian licking his lips. Kid, you literally just ate! Was he thirsting for vegetables or blood?

“Excellent. With your camouflage, we will be able to infiltrate and extract the resources without any trouble.”

Danny waved his hands to cut off that notion. “Hold up. Who says ‘we’ are going to raid the Atlanteans? Why shouldn’t I just leave you here and come back and we can be on our way?”

Damian frowned, fins rattling in offense. “May I remind you who has more experience in this field?”

“True, but your dad might skin me if he found out that I let you become a glorified sea pirate.”

Damian tutted. “What father doesn’t know will not hurt him. Now go! We are wasting time!”

With that, Damian attached himself to Danny’s hip, practically hooking his claws into Danny’s scales. The bloodthirsty theory was beginning to gain traction in Danny’s mind, what with how the kid was audibly purring despite Danny not giving any touches at that moment.

Danny let his invisibility wash over his scales, turning his body from translucent to being one with the water, his powers seeping into Damian’s body and hiding him from view too. Hopefully Aquaman wouldn’t be too upset with them.

The boys approached the Atlantean town from above. Danny’s lateral line pinged dozens olf times. Civilians wandered the streets, peddling wares and chatting about the day. On the far side, trainees tossed javelins and practiced archery while an instructor yelled commands at them.

“There.” Damian whispered. The boy tugged on Danny’s fins, and Danny followed the direction to where the market was. “I believe I spotted a cartographer in the crowd. We should be able to obtain our prize from him.”

As Danny descended and swam just over head of the Atlanteans, his ear fins prickled. Chatter in Atlantean filled the water, none of which Danny could parse out. Hell, even his Pacific Siren was pretty choppy, a fact that Sam endlessly teased him about. Ocean languages were tricky! It wasn’t his fault!

Whatever, point is, Danny spotted the guy. Thin, stocky, wearing a dark blue overcoat and tunic, fit with undersea glasses, carrying rolled up paper underarm. The man shuffled into a small corner shop on the street, a good distance away from the bigger crowd in the market. Danny crept up behind him, careful not to bump into any one.

The shop was nothing impressive, just a humble joint probably frequented by travelers or whatever. Maps of the world decorated the walls, accompanied by globes atop display cases that contained even more charts of the local area. The owner kept his back to them as he bent over a bench and filed away his new acquisitions.

“Now, while his back is turned.” Damian whispered.

Danny swam into the shop through the doorway, careful not to make a single sound. The shopkeeper hummed. Danny compressed his hand through the tiny slit of the display case. He reformed it to its proper size on the inside. He grabbed the closest map and spread his invisibility to it, before pulling it out.

The shopkeeper turned around. Danny’s gills stilled. The man stared at the spot where the map had just been, eyes quirked up. He was none the wiser as Danny turned tail, and exited the shop in swift fashion.

Once out of earshot, Danny let himself relax a little. “Welp, time to get outta here then.”

Damian poked him in the side (thankfully below the gills; that would hurt) and chittered. “Negative.”

“What do you mean negative? We got exactly what you wanted?”

“Not yet. Look.”

…

“You know you’re still invisible, right? I can’t see what you’re pointing at.”

“The seahorses!”

Danny’s face blanched. “You wanna eat the seahorses??”

He felt a whack on his sail. “No, you buffoon. I would like to pet them.”

This kid’s priorities. “If you haven’t noticed, we’re kind of in enemy territory here.”

“I am aware, but I have never pet a seahorse before, and I may not get another opportunity like this again.”

Danny’s jaw gaped open. “If you haven’t noticed, there’s an entire ocean ahead of us.”

“Don’t condescend to me. The seahorses are in our vicinity, and there is no guarantee we will come across another school on our journey. Therefore, we go to them now.”

In all honesty, he should’ve expected the kid to be distracted by his love of animals. Hell, Danny could even relate with his own obsession with astronomy.

“Fiiiiine. But I have a bad feeling about this.”

And so Danny flipped fins and brought Damian to the seahorses, as requested. The little things were floating around a coral reef within the town borders, surrounded by a fence. Architectural features like these always reminded him of Dora’s rants about how Atlanteans were essentially humans, and he could see why. What was the point of a fence when everyone and their mother could just swim over it?

Case in point: Danny right now.

Danny lay down on his belly in the sand, keeping a hand on Damian’s shoulder to keep the invisibility flowing. The sea horses swarmed over him, poking curiously at his fins, sensing the disturbance but not seeing it. One particularly brave seahorse even brushed its tail along his gills. Danny had to bite his lip to avoid gasping or giggling from the ticklish sensation. Damian didn’t say anything, but he seemed to be having the time of his life, with how the seahorses’ manes creased from the kid’s touch.

If Danny flexed his ear fins, he could even pick up the slightest cooing sound from the kid. If he could see the younger guppy’s face, he bet it would be split in a huge grin. Then again, Damian didn’t seem the type to express positive emotion so openly like that, but who knows? Maybe the invisibility’s lowering his inhibitions?

A foot brushed his dorsal fin. Danny gasped from the sudden rough touch on his sensitive fin. Dammit!

Maybe he was the one who should’ve remembered they were in enemy territory.

A child gasped, mouth gaped open as she stared at where his tailfin was. Danny pulled Damian back, getting ready to take off. Yeah this was the part where they got the hell out of dodge.

Only for the girl to lean down and poke him. Right in the gills. Ow.

Danny yelped in shock. His body snapped back into the visible spectrum as the little girl went saucer eyed. Outside the fence, an Atlantean woman stood stunned as she blinked owlishly at them.

He chuckled. “Well, thanks for letting us pet your seahorses, but we really gotta go, so see ya-”

“SIIREEEENNNNNNS!!!!!”

Well fuck.

Sam slammed her fist against the punching bag. Every yell brought forth primal rage, and righteous anger. In her mind’s eye, Vlad’s face ate every punch and crunched with every kick. Skulker’s smug mug got caved in. And most of all, Danny’s fucking parents. Her fucking parents.

Didn’t take Superman to hear them screaming upstairs. Hurling accusations, badmouthing Danny for the six hundred and fiftieth time. “Oh how could he lead our precious Sammykins astray like this?” As if they didn’t do that already!

And now she was grounded. Put on house arrest, even. Tucker shared a similar fate. That just left Jazz to monitor the situation. Luckily, Tuck prepared secret burner phones for them for this exact scenario.

Being grounded also meant they couldn’t search for Danny again. In all likelihood he had probably skipped town. Tucker’s forays into the GiW’s servers showed they were still on the lookout, so that was something to be relieved by. If only she and Tuck actually knew what was going on!

She growled and then transitioned into another scream. How the hell did the Fentons even know where to look for them!?

The anger melted away into anxiety. The conversation replayed in her mind. Half the time she wasn’t even sure what she was saying. That was so close. One slip-up and she would’ve landed Danny on the dissection table, not that the result they got was much better. Danny still had a target on his back, and no one could be blamed for it but her. Six months ago while they were just teenagers in over their heads, the idea of caped heroes coming in to save their asses seemed like a dream.

But now? Bruce Wayne funded the Justice League. The fucking Justice. League. It was like Paulina getting a poor girl who bumped into her suspended because of her dad’s wealth. Only replace the poor girl getting suspended with Danny being turned into scientific sushi by the Goons in White, or even worse: his parents.

Oh, and she pissed him off even more. Sam banged her head against the punching back.

Danny was strong. She was strong. Tucker was strong. They had faith in each other. But as yesterday’s hack proved, there were far, far bigger fish in the ocean. And she would destroy anyone who heard her admit it, but part of her was terrified.

Sam retreated to her room, not even sparing her arguing parents a glance. Once in the safety of her private sanctuary, she retrieved her spell book, and began to research anew. She needed to be in tip-top shape to help Danny and Damian Wayne get home. They were going to contact her and Tucker any day now, and she needed to be ready for it.

Please be ok, Danny.

Maddie finished the last of the software updates to the Fenton Sonars, resetting them and reversing the damage Tucker had done. What were they thinking?! Aiding and abetting some of the most dangerous creatures on the planet. All those PSAs and lectures she knew he had sat in on with Danny and the takeaway he had was to play superhero with a savage beast?!

The sonars pinged. Just as she suspected. No sign of Phantom near Amity. The GiW hadn’t found crap in however many hours of search in the surrounding waters, so the bastard probably fled with his tail between his… tail. Maddie scoffed. Some hero.

But that was perfectly fine by her, because she had Phantom’s hydroplasmic signature.

Switching programs, she accessed the Fenton Satellite’s computer programming. One key stroke later, and Phantom’s signature beamed up to the Fenton Satellite. Maddie grinned darkly.

“You finished over there, Maddie?” Jack asked. Glow torch sparks lit up behind her and cast the lab in stark shadow.

“Yes sweetie, now all that we need left is the hardware.”

On the workbench, Jack carefully welded their newest creation. She took up the spot beside him, and began slotting components in as they transitioned to working in perfect harmony together. Jack glanced at her, and she passed over the wrench. A nano-battery array here. A forty-inch radar dish there. A custom Fenton piston set over there. With two children on the line, they worked round the clock. They tested their new inventions rigorously, then broke them down to rebuild them better.

Phantom won’t know what hit him.

[cookies-over-yonder]

inside the walls of my skull, waiting for its turn to talk

"I can't... move my legs. Is that normal?" Beverly asks, staring at Alanis's feet, still curled up in the fetal position. "Yeah, that's, like, the grief of seeing little halfling kids get killed..." Beverly keeps trying to move his legs. They won't budge. And they hurt like hell. - In which Beverly has a full-blown panic attack during Episode 51: The Nannerfly Effect

ao3

title from i don't like my mind by mitski

p.s. i am only on episode 53 of c1 so don't give me any spoilers please!!!! thank you!!!!

"I can't... move my legs. Is that normal?" Beverly asks, staring at Alanis's feet, still curled up in the fetal position.

"Yeah, that's, like, the grief of seeing little halfling kids get killed..."

Beverly keeps trying to move his legs. They won't budge.

And they hurt like hell.

And maybe it's the anxiety of the moment but he can't stop seeing not only the brutal destruction of that peaceful halfling village, but also the sight of falling from that tower, and hitting the ground and the worst pain he'd ever felt in his entire life.

Moonshine, Hardwon and Alanis are still chatting, but Beverly can't parse the words.

He only realizes he's digging his nails into the back of his neck when he feels a sharp, piercing pain and the wetness of blood coating his fingertips.

Beverly knows his leg pain gets worse with stress. He knows that. But, sweet P, it's so bad right now.

And he can't move them.

He sucks in a breath and shuts his eyes, but it's all just blood and gore and death.

A hand rests on his shoulder, and he hears Moonshine's voice, though he can't parse her words.

His hands are pried away from his neck, and he feels a faint tingle of magic as the cuts he left there close back up.

"...be I shouldn't have shown him that," he hears.

"Beverly?" Moonshine says.

"I—ah... uh-huh?" Beverly barely hears himself say.

"Can you open your eyes for me, hon?"

He opens his eyes to be met face to face with a concerned Moonshine. She's got her head sideways against the floor just like him, and she puts one hand on his cheek.

"Can we sit up, or do you wanna stay lyin' on the floor?"

"We... sit. We can—we can sit."

Why is it so hard to talk?

Hardwon lifts him by the shoulders and adjusts him into a sitting position, and Moonshine starts running her hands up and down his arms. He isn't sure why.

The sudden movement makes his dizziness apparent, and that's also when he notices his own shallow breathing.

That's not good. That's not good at all.

"I don't—I—I don't know what's... I don't know what's happening," he says between breaths, shutting his eyes again and tearing at his fingernails.

"You're havin' a panic attack," Moonshine says, "It's okay, you're okay, you're fine, I promise. It's not dangerous, it's just stress."

Despite himself, Beverly lets out a childish whine.

"It's okay, you're alright, come here," Moonshine says, pulling him into a hug.

She has one hand on his back, and one on the back of his head, keeping his forehead pressed against her shoulder.

"It's okay, it's okay," she hushes him.

Another hand on his back. "Just breathe," Hardwon says.

"O—okay," Beverly forces out between gasps in a whisper. "Sorry, I—I—sorry—"

"It's okay," Moonshine says, holding him tighter.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, I—I—I'm sorry, I—"

Moonshine pulls him away from her shoulder and cups his face with her hands. "Young Bev, can you look at me?"

Beverly does so, directing his unsteady gaze to her eyes.

"I need you to breathe with me, okay? We're gonna take some deep breaths, can you do that with me?"

"I...I..."

Beverly gasps, and gasps, and gasps, hyperventilating so hard he might pass out.

Fuck, oh, fuck, he's going to faint, isn't he?

"...erly. Beverly. Beverly," Hardwon says, "Beverly, you're not gonna faint."

Did he say that out loud?

"Beverly, can you tell me five things you can see?" Hardwon asks.

Beverly opens his eyes—not sure when he'd shut them again. "Uh...uh... you. Ha—Hardwon," he says, and he turns his head. "Moonshine. Uh..."

He pauses, fighting and failing to catch his breath as his vision blurs from tears.

"That's two. Keep going," Hardwon says. "You've got this."

"Uh... uh... the—the floor. My—my feet. Your...your feet."

"Good. Can you tell me four things you feel?" Hardwon asks, giving his shoulders a squeeze.

Pain.

Beverly feels pain.

Horrible, horrible pain in his legs.

And light-headedness... both things he felt when he almost died falling off the tower.

"Bev, hey," Hardwon puts a gentle hand on his cheek and tilts his head up. "Four things you feel. Out loud."

"You—your hand. I... I... I feel pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Is that four?"

Beverly knows that's not four, but it feels worth a try.

"Where do you feel pain?" Moonshine asks, rubbing his back.

"It—it's fi—fine—"

"I can give you a Healing Word if you need it, Young Bev—"

"No, don—don't waste a heal—"

"It won't be a waste."

"It will," Beverly says, barely hearing himself past his own heartbeat. Why won't she stop?

"No, it won—"

"Moonshine," Beverly hears Hardwon say, and she stops arguing. "Bev, can you tell me three things you can hear?"

"Um... your voice. My—my voice. My—my—my breaths."

"Good, we're almost done, okay?"

"Okay."

"What are two things you can smell?"

"You and Moonshine. You—you haven't bathed."

"What's one thing you can taste?"

"Blood," Beverly says, realizing he's been tearing his lower lip apart with his teeth.

"Good job," Hardwon says, brushing hair out of his face. "Can you take in a deep breath?"

Beverly does so, and he's able to fill his lungs nice and slow.

"And let it out."

He sighs a big sigh, and Hardwon does it with him, keeping a concerned look in his eyes.

"Keep doing it just like that. You're okay, see?"

Bev nods and shuts his eyes, feeling a wave of fatigue hitting him.

"I'm sorry for pressuring you," Moonshine says, her voice wobbly.

He shakes his head and waves it off, hoping she'll understand the gesture.

It seems she does, because he feels her arms wrap around him again.

"I... I... ss—sorry..." he mumbles.

"Nothin' to be sorry for."

"I'm sorry I showed you that," Alanis says. "I didn't think it would... uh..."

Oh fuck, she saw all of that, didn't she?

"Alanis—I—I... I swear I'm cooler than this," he mumbles.

She says something in response, but Beverly can't quite make it out with the exhaustion consuming him at an alarming rate.

There's a quiet murmur around him, and then he's being picked up by Hardwon, and so he buries his face against his chest, clings to the fabric of his shirt with a weak hand, and promptly falls asleep.

[amethystfairy1]

Sorry, Allay anon here to apologize.

I think the whole thinking about the Allay mutant kind of goes against the going past your whole timeline thing? In case you were planning any Allay mutants or anything.

Also, I didn't realize there was a whole index about the different hybrids and mutants, and didn't realize that the correct term would be mutants, so apologies again.

Also, thinking back on it, the whole rant felt sort of diminishing of intelligence with how much I explained stuff, and also it may feel like I was taking your au out of your hands. That truly wasn't my intent, and I realize that my over excitedness of it may not parse well through text?

Just a whole lot of apologies for that, I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries or anything, and I just wanted to apologize for that.

I hope you have a good day, stay hydrated and eat and sleep well and take some breaks.

You don't need to apologize at all! I loved your ask about the Allay mutants you came up with and I 100% encourage folks to come up with that sort of thing and PLEASE send it to me, I don't want you to feel bad about that at all! I promise I loved it and you didn't overstep at all, the fact that my AU made you feel creative and inspired and you came up with so many ideas made me so so so happy!

Let me clarify something about that little timeline rule that I'm sure you must've seen in @silver-sunray's TTSBC: Beyond post! What I mean by that is specific events that haven't happened yet. That's why the given examples are a Flower Husbands wedding and Cub's hybrid reveal. Both of these events are things that might happen in TTSBC's future, so I would rather not have folks writing fic or things along those lines that portray those events because they haven't actually happened, and I want to have a chance to write them first 😅

This rule does not apply to hybrids/mutants that have not yet appeared in TTSBC. If you wanna write about an Allay mutant OC, go for it! Please, by all means, I would love to see what you come up with for them! If you want to participate in TTSBC: Beyond with them, all you gotta do is make sure they fit into the TTSBC universe, which I will say they totally do because I did read your ask and I loved it!

It's just that I got back in town from a long, very fun, but also very exhausting con weekend this week, and your ask was so lovely, detailed, and interesting that I didn't want to half-ass a response, so I wanted to give myself a few days to try and restart my brain cells before I typed up a reply to you! I'm so sorry if my taking so long to answer made you think I didn't like it, because that is not at all the case!

Imma go type up my reply to it right now as a matter of fact 🏃‍♀️💨

But yeah, do not apologize because there is nothing to apologize for, I promise! And Thank you for the well wishes, hope you are having a lovely day as well! 💖

[wereh0gz]

Suddenly feeling very dissatisfied with what project: new moon turned out like

Or. Well. I guess I shouldn't say "suddenly" bc I've been feeling a vague dissatisfaction with it for. A while. But only know am I starting to parse out the reasons why I feel that way

With it having been out for a while now, I think back on all the things I could've done or could've executed differently, but didn't think of at the time so I didn't do them

Nox, for example. As a character, he's just kind of a vehicle for the story to happen, a source of torment for Rue, and the reason Sonic's werehog form is brought back. He never got to be much else. He's not very present in the story anyway despite being the main villain, and besides his obsession with Dark Gaia and lack of ethics, he's not really... much of a person

I got really lazy with fleshing him out so his entire character ended up just being evil antagonist. And honestly now I feel his role in Rue's story could've easily been taken by someone like Eggman with only a few changes

Rue's parents could've been way more developed too. They really only exist to make Rue's tragic backstory More Tragic and that's pretty much it. They're even less developed than Nox. Like they're not even characters even by the end of the story

And there's also Specter and Phantom, whom I like and have developed more than those I talked abt above, but I feel like I didn't really show enough of them as individuals. They're just kinda there to be Rue's friends and fight ghosts and not much else

It's like. Idk. I feel like I only really wrote that fic to justify my ocs existing and interacting with Sonic, and justify Sonic's werehog form being brought back even through it wasn't really necessary in the end. It was fun at the time, sure, but that rose-tinted view I had of it has kinda faded. Sometimes I even feel like I kinda rushed it bc I was so desperate to get that story out, since I've been working on these characters and the fic for so long. I was satisfied not bc I felt I made something good, but bc I was finally *done* with it. Now that's biting me in the ass and making me feel like all the work put into it went to waste

Hell now I'm even considering retiring Nox's character entirely (he is like. The biggest part of why I've been feeling crappy abt the fic now that I think of it) and giving Rue another revamp. Tho it feels weird to do it now bc the fic they're part of is out and finished. They are my ocs and I'm allowed to do whatever I want with them, but still

Whatever it is I decide to do, the twins probably won't change much, if at all. Not sure abt Sonic's redesign, I don't really wanna change it but I might have to recontextualize why he looks the way he does in this au

Idk what to do with the story yet, if I wanna rewrite it or not and just have my ocs existing in an au where Sonic never lost his werehog form instead. Really undecided abt all of this stuff rn. I definitely won't be deleting the project: new moon blog or anything tho, just won't be posting there anymore probably

Idk if this post makes any sense of if anyone actually cares but whatever I just need to get this off my chest

[visualtaehyun]

Hey, I just wanna know from where did you start learning thai? Also, what advice do you give to those who wanna start learning it

Hiya anon ✨

I'm not sure how much help I can be, considering I'm not doing a course or following an app or anything people usually do for language learning 🥴 I've been learning mostly by immersion tbh - I've been almost exclusively watching Thai series for over a year now, plus interviews, variety shows, youtube content, songs, so many songs lol, tweets, etc.

My personal learning approach is pretty loose and chaotic lmao but here goes:

1) The biggest hurdle for me was the script. Apart from already having started to notice recurring words being said in the Thai BLs I was watching at the time, I also wanted to be able to read people's tweets! In the end, it was a combination of 1) an app I happened to find (Pocket Thai Master for Android, it's free on the Play store!) and 2) the Wikipedia article on the Thai script that both helped me to understand and start reading and writing. Coming from a non-tonal mother tongue, learning the script early on really helps to understand the tones in Thai so it's something I would for sure recommend!

2) I started keeping a lil vocabulary notebook (you know those two-column ones?) shortly before my Bangkok vacation earlier this year. It not only helped with new vocabulary but also kept me practicing writing! Anytime I encounter a new word, I look it up on either or all of the following online dictionaries: thai-language.com, thai2english, Longdo Dictionary (which I literally just now realized can be set to English in the upper right corner, I've just been using it in Thai ever since I found it djsjdh), Wiktionary in Thai, or if all else fails I google it and might find an old forum entry or maybe an article if it's a slang word or idiom. I recall having dinner in a Bonchon in Bangkok and brokenly asking the waitress for chopsticks so, while waiting, I looked up and took down the word's spelling and pronunciation and when she came back and saw me copying all the info into my little notebook liKE A NERD she laughed and complimented me for the effort haha

3) If I hear a Thai word I'm unfamiliar with that I can't look up because I don't know the spelling, there's a few approaches. If I have context for its meaning, for example subtitles, then I look up the translation instead and hope I find it. If I don't, then there's the option of using thai-language.com's Reverse Phonemic Transcription function (this site in general is my holy grail tbh, it's why I mostly stick to its romanization style for any of my #local woman harps on about linguistics posts). Another option is using the papago app's speech-to-text function. Yes, you read that right. A Korean translation app, that I previously used when I was learning Korean and thus still had on my phone, proved to be useful for me to make sense of the spelling or pronunciation of Thai words. At the beginning, I only used it to read me homonyms out loud so I could parse the difference in tones lol but then I realized it wasn't half bad at rendering an accurate transcription! Sometimes I use that feature to check my own pronunciation or remind myself of the spelling of a word.

4) I always like to recommend @lurkingteapot's comprehensive Thai language learning resources post (it's far more coherent than my post here lol). And shoutout to @recentadultburnout for posting about Thai language and culture as a native speaker (both on tumblr and on ao3)! 🙏

5) This might be minor or self-evident but ya know- install the Thai keyboard for your devices! You're gonna need it sooner or later anyway if you wanna actually use the language. And if you're a keycap and keyboard nerd like me and happen to fall in love with a keyboard in a Siam Discovery store ehem then I do recommend getting a Thai layout keyboard (or keyboard stickers!) because that has proven to help me a lot in terms of ease of learning on desktop and familiarizing myself with letters I don't often encounter. Throwback to that one time I was on the train, revising consonants and their tone classes, and indignantly texted a very confused yet amused family member a photo of my hand-written copy of the Thai consonant table, asking how I'm ever supposed to differentiate between ฎ and ฏ!! Even now, I have to lean in and squint like an old lady to see the difference on desktop. 😭

I hope at least some of this proves to be helpful in your quest to learn Thai! In any case, you're not alone on tumblr or in our little BL/GL/QL fandom bubble - I know of several users who are learning Thai, like @airenyah and @philologique and the aforementioned @lurkingteapot, just to name a few I personally follow and who I'm sure all have their own advice to give if you shoot them an ask~

สู้ ๆ นะ :) /suu suu na/

[lakesbian]

also re lrb i do think some form of deep-set resentment towards heroes & likely society at large is an important aspect of why alec is so intent on villainy--his family was constantly hunted down and chased around by heroes when he was a child, and no one ever rescued him. at a certain point to mini-alec, that starts parsing as really bitter--people he sees doing dumb cheesy interviews about Doing Good For The World on tv and then just fucking up and uprooting his life when they try to attack his dad and doing nothing to help him in the process. and then he starts getting molded into being his dad, so it's only a fair assumption that they'd want to attack him too. it's just sort of like. that very specific abused kid brand of trauma where people that are held up as societal beacons, as people who are supposed to be helping people like you, just seemingly don't even know you exist, and if they did they might want to punish you. & then he escapes and finds out that yeah, the heartbroken are all over the news all the time, and everyone always talks about the women but never talks about the kids, and society has been watching and putting his home and his life on their evening TV for a bit of voyeuristic drama, and then after 3 seconds of pity in his general direction--if they don't think the kids are all rotten too--they go back to their normal happy lives with their friends and their partners and their children whom they buy things and take out for ice cream and hug and care about. it's why he's so pissed and jealous at sophia, so disgusted and furious that she has a family that actually gives a shit about her and doesn't seem to notice or care--he's carrying around all this unpacked resentment and envy towards Normal People with Normal Relationships who don't realize how fucking good they have it from his perspective. like, he would stab a man to have a real living mother who gives a shit about what happens to him. just so incredibly fundamentally ridiculously lonely, and angry that he's being shut out from everything good everyone else gets to have, and getting that repressed anger he doesn't even realize he has out towards anyone he can justify as Deserving It in his mind. that's where the "eye for an eye, if you don't wanna get back against society for Sucking then why are you even a supervillain" mindset comes from. whether he realizes it or not, he views society at large as being this party of shitty crappy Normal People with happy lives that they don't even appreciate, this impenetrable, envy-inducing group that doesn't give a shit about anyone on the margins like he is, and he wants to Get One Back at it for sucking so bad. now what he really needs is a good hug and about 2 minutes on brian's punching bag (does not have the arm strength to go longer than that) but unfortunately he has yet to realize this and will instead carry on blissfully maintaining that he's totes chill while exploding with rage the second he's given a reminder that other people get to have people who care about them and he doesn't

[melonpalooza]

hi! first of all i just wanna say i love all of your writing! secondly, and to the point of this ask: i admire your ability to code So Much, as someone who has no clue what theyre in regards to code haha. im sending this ask to inquire how exactly you merged the two diff discord workskin codes together for The Last Ronin Becomes A Discord Admin fic? ive been trying my best to parse it myself but i cannot for the life of me figure it out and ive done some searching to see if youve posted about this before and havent seen anything about it so i figured i might as well throw an ask at you while i continue to pull my hair out about it :} thanks for ur time reading this regardless of if u answer or not!

hello! im really bad at explaining so i will do my best. so there's like two main skins i use for discord, let's call them A and B

Both function practically the same, but handle how usernames work differently.

For A, by upredicatbleArtist/wovenstarlight, every username is manually coded, which is why you sometimes find the wrong character talking as someone else if you catch a chapter quickly enough (lol)

For B, by bookkeep each username is "hard coded" into the workskin and you just call on the class to display the correct username, pfp and color. each time you want to change a person's pfp tho, you have to add a new class in the workskin.

A is the first one i found and thus the base

B i found afterwards with elements i found really cool that A didn't have! I basically studied elements that they had that i wanted to incorporate, and copied and pasted it over to code A with touch ups so it would function with the A base code.

everything else that is not found in either A&B were coded by me.

tl;dr, it's an amalgamation with personal touch ups to make them work.

if you ever want to just use the workskin i use go ahead and ask me and i'll upload it

[everythingbutresolved]

The Worst Haim Fic Ever

Fictional!Hamish Linklater x f!reader

Rating: Horny Teenager

Summary: Let's break the writing dry spell with something so bad it will self destruct when you have finished reading it shall we?

Warnings: Grammar? What is it? Abuse of Zeta Gen talk. Reader is a a hamfam mutual and Haim has several nicknames, gratuitous descriptions of the male body, unprotected sex, moron dirty talk.

Notes: Thank you so much for the love in the past year, I'm trying to love back and be more productive, I just wanted to share the silliest thing that popped in my mind...enjoy 😜

ur sitting at home in ur pjs all comfy with half edible left from the tray you baked for the weekend.

Ur dog and you are watching netflix eating only red m&m’s talking to the friendz in your phone when u hear a knock at ur door. u get up and spill all the candies on the floor but don’t worry cuz u already gulped down all the red and yellow choco, but carry your puppy with u because you didnt order anything from amazong in like 3 days so your four legged friend might have to scare an intruder. u open the door and it’s the hottest man ever

 Hummus Longlater

u almost drop on your butt bcz you were just talking to your mutuals in barks and meows how much u need to climb that human palmtree covered in chocolate fudge. U say “Drop gorgeous Daddy Legend wtf ya doin here?” But that piece of licorice bats his eye hair so quickly u fall back on the couch while ur doggo goes and pack his toys cuz he's going with him.

“Hey babygirl” Hamosh sais, leaning on ur doorframe, revealing he is wearing nothing but a white vest two sizes down a toddler and the tightest jeans ever sold by those gud bois at Levi’s. A “Look I know I’m your bias and that I always munch on it, and finally my Zaddy whiskers r too drenched in fandom juice to keep ignoring them. The fire has spread and reached my cheeks missus.”

ur like “omg !! Im not wearing any makeup!! Or pants!! Oh skinny legend u’re so father, periodt!!!”  but he just lafs at that because tahts what he likes about u. “ya girl i know thats why im heer. I’m mad lit on god no god no cap. Drip drip. I heard u enjoy eating junk food and getting your junk food ate out. Do u wanna rip my pants and eat me up gurl? Leave no crumbs baby.”

And saying that he loafs in to your house, tripping over doggo when he refuses to hover his naked feet. “i like your trash panda” “don’t scratch him under his ear or he’ll hump ur leg till tomorrow” U say before smushing your face into his. He smells like old spice and tastes like pumpkin donut and matcha latte. You untangle your tongues only to ask “Hammac glorious, your foot is always on my neck daddy, but I have to ask, r u real or is the weed they sold me pretty fire?”

Ur pup gives you  stern look and plops on his furry ass and ur sure he says “human im petotaly serious don0t parse this or ill foist on you three gens of my litters – mine and the raccoon that lives under the porch”

Himbo grabs ur sweaty ass and says “The way u scratch ur armpits called me like a charm and i just had to come get a taste of this sweet sweet potato couch.” He stretches his vest over his head, his eyes are the color of the hazelnut frosted chocolate brownie you had this morning. “well? U got me like La-La-La baby, wanna sit on my face or what ?”“duh,” u spit, moving puppy aside. “I love you down Mr. H” His chest is smooth with baby oil when you slide ur hands on it. He has huge hands that scoop under ur ass and throw you on the bed and rip of your pjs. Ur android goes flying out the pocket, probsbly never to be seen again. U have the time to chant “You’r our beloved, and u have us in a chokehold!” then is on top of you fast, pinnning you to the bed, slopply groping under ur shirt for ur boobs that bounce boobily. He chokes u with his socks that smells like socks but u kinda think thats hot. His jeans sway to the floor and skitter away, leaving him in his boxers he got for christmas in 2003. His heft is huge, huger than his hands. It snaps the elastic and elicopter it for a ful minute until u’re hypnotized. “dont worry babygurl this will help u get it all in” he grabs ur legs and throws them over his shoulder and massages ur pussy until u scream and snatch his fingers up your coochie like the dyson ur mom gave u for xmas.

“omg Mr. H that was nom-nom delish how r u so good at pumpussy??!” you gasp gasplessly

“since I’m in my assembly period my strengths multiplied, now I can make u cum with just a flex of my massive eyebrows watch this” and with that he hoola-hoops his hairy caterpillars and makes u *O* a few more times “ r u ready baby gril?”

“yes Zaddy!” 

He likes that. He ate that up a compliment and had u GAG, while ur cunt eats it all up. U can see urself cumming in the reflex of his caramel pudding eyes. He moans so loud the neighbors think ur killing someone and get more popcorns. U scream obscenities and fuck and cum and fuck and cum all over the apartment. Ur doggo has found ur phone and is taking a video to send ur besties later. The couch rols over from so much fuckng and cumming. Hammamet keeps gong flexing his infinite thighs becuz yours gave up. He doesn't unload until the very end when he climbs on the bedframe and showers u singing Sweet Home Carolina. U almost drown.

“wow mr Hamigo thank u” u say. Talking makes cum gush off ur hair

“ur welcom. Btw I gotta go now.” He swishes in his jeans like a well grased seal and moves to ur side of the bed. U start crying for the sudden loss of his massive cock. “Hamandbacon I thought you were different but ur like everyone else, mid.”

He looks into ur eyes and lovingly swipes some cum from your face.

“I don’t get it. I just gave u the best camping of ur life”

“And now ur fleeing”  

He lafs u off “I have 47 more friendly stops after this, don’t be greedy babgurl” U bat ur sticky palms with joy, meanwhile your familiar retrieves ur phone for U so you can give a head up to your mutuals – get ready with water and lube.

@littleredwritingcat this is for you bestie

Randy tag @supplanther @plainlo-inthemorning @girlwiththenegantattoo @agirlinherhead @madsmilfelsen @aherdofbees @chronic-ghost @ebiemidnightlibrarian @pegplunkett @jyngerpeach and more

[creatively-cosmic]

make a bad comic... take a bad picture of it..... the starry brain experience simulator 9000

readable(???) stuff below

ever since moving, its been hard to parse any of my thoughts and feelings.

id been wanting to draw my way thru it for a while now but never felt able to.

today why did we cross that out

uh idk

this morning we saw a comic on tumblr that DEMANDED you draw a bad comic [fully blacked out writing] oh it IS a thing my bad!!

to which i said internally

"ON GOD?"

draw bad on purpose

so i thought this would b fun 2 try!!!!

ive been tired of not being able to draw. to create. to work. to think straight. to do anything im "supposed" to. which is stupid

dont say that thats mean!! X(

given no expectations are on me now

Aren't there some expectations?

why can't we live without feeling like we need to do something?

Brother i think it's the trauma

GUYS WE'RE GETTING DERAILED

well this is about whatevers on our mind so :/

SO what im doing is grabbing random pencils or pens out of my Cowboy Bebop™ Ein™ and family Pencil Bag™ (stop writing TM its not funny (FUCK U)) and writing whatever thots we think on here n drawing about it YIPIEE!!

(this is JIMMY)

also we aren't allowed to erase anything

(wanna bet?) (THAT'S NOT THE POOOINT)

THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA WE LOOK SO FAKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

idk who said that lalalala

I HATE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE HERE

lalala im drawing u dead on the ground with a big ass and writing ur thoughts lalalala

oh i hate this pen

the chisel tip :(((

anyways i don't have anywhere im rly going with this,,,

i just hope this'll b a nice outlet 4 us after our life changed fundamentally however messy it might get

ik i had fun w this one! :3

(goD this pen sucks)

[hua-fei-hua]

tag game from @cadriona~~ 15 questions for 15 mutuals

1. are you named after anyone? uhhh my middle name comes from like, One of my white ancestors, though i don't remember the exact tracing of the bloodline rn

2. when was the last time you cried? honestly not sure, but i feel like it was not terribly long ago. less than a month ago, i think; i can be a crybaby sometimes

3. do you have kids? legally no; biologically also no; but emotionally? the number is fathomless.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? i don't feel like i'm a terribly sarcastic person, but many other people disagree. just today one of the kids at work asked me why i use sarcasm a lot! i think at this point my habit of "saying ridiculous things with full sincerity and then expecting people to understand that its sheer absurdity means it's a joke (but still actually doing said ridiculous thing if people call it a bluff)" is just hard for people to parse in general, but since i just roll with whatever they think i'm being, it's not a big deal.

5. what sports do you play/have played? this question is so funny bc recently i've been joking that i'm the only non-jock at my workplace, but my coworker in aquatics tried to rope me into lifeguarding for the summer when he found out i could swim, and i did marching band in high school. oh, and i took a fencing course in uni before plague.

6. what's the first thing you notice about people? their jacket, then their hair. if you change both of these things at once i might have trouble recognizing you.

7. eye color? brown. you know how dominant genes are.

8. scary movies or happy endings? for the most part happy endings, but if you're too saccharine about the beginning and middle then i'm going to wish you gave me a scary movie instead.

9. any special talents? i can do calligraphy with italic / oblique pen tips (think gothic blackletter, even tho gothic is probably one of my shittiest hands); i can burp at will still; i can touch type at around 92 wpm (certified)

10. where were you born? in a hospital <3

11. what are your hobbies? good lord that's a doozy these days. regularly i read n write fic (obviously), play genshin (still), study fandom (specifically the weeb sphere and its history), and code my shrine of cringe neocities. (and also sometimes stream any one of these things to friends) irregularly i watch youtube, keep a diary, read manga n watch anime, press flowers, do calligraphy, scanlate manga, typeset n bookbind fic (physically restrained by everyone from buying $500 worth of fonts bc Literally no one understands my font disease except other typesetters) mostly, but i have god knows how many other dormant hobbies (arranging music, editing fonts, edit videos, etc.) hiding in the cracks that i should probably just put on a resume by this point. you know how it is with adhd.

12. do you have any pets? not anymore, unless you count [pet] projects, in which case yes, the spreadsheet project abt fandom migrations in particular

13. how tall are you? abt 5'6", more specifically 166.4 cm.

14. favorite subject in school? chemistry, though i english/literature was a close second, and math (aside from geometry and statistics) is still beloved.

15. dream job? someday i'm gonna teach chemistry to a bunch of high school idiots, and i'm gonna love them all so fucking much, and i'm gonna be so fucking happy that i'm still alive.

tagging (if you want!!) @stardust-make-a-wish @reach-4-thesky @cece-0708 @yongnep @kanonavi @krackerka @isnt-it-pretty @yume-fanfare @aranarumei @italiantea and now staring at my mutuals list i have started to lose my nerve so i'll leave it at ten LOL but if you wanna do it too you can just say i tagged you ( •̀ ω •́ )y

[inventors-fair]

Coming Across the Line: Vehicle Runners-Up ~

Our runners-up this week are @hypexion, @nine-effing-hells, and @real-aspen-hours!

@hypexion — Arcano-Blimp

I think the first thing I have to regrettably wish for in retrospect is I wish this card had its own kind of crew ability somehow. There's the restriction of casting, which is totally fine; having that casting allow for either the animation OR buff would've allowed this card a little more versatility. All the same, I thought about this in an eggs- or storm-style deck first and foremost. The desire to cast a lot of spells in a turn means that this wants cheap, reducible, draw-efficient cards to really go off.

Perhaps without keyword abilities, this card should've been uncommon as well. The more that I look at this card, the more I appreciate the mechanical possibilities and wish there was a little more power behind it. Conceptually this card is quite interesting, and the name's relation to having a purely spell-powered card is unique enough that I understand why the choices to not have it crew are there. Why not have the ability to exile additional cards to animate it as well, perhaps? Also, why not have a blimp gain flying? I wanted to put this card here to showcase its mechanical interest and how it captured me. I do wanna tinker with it a lot more.

@nine-effing-hells — Naglfar, the Keel of Dead Nails

Huh, and it just came to mind that there were two cards that had cards exiled with them in the runners-up. Interesting! Well, no matter—we have a nail-made ship here. Gross-teresting! We've seen creatures similar to this before, but not vehicles in this way, and I appreciate the commitment here. Black and blue haven't really seen each other with this ability-borrowing, surprisingly, not purely. That's fascinating but I mean, it also checks out that it makes sense together here.

There's the Kaldheim-ian aspects that matter and that's all good, with you so far there, even if the mythology isn't in my wheelhouse. The ships and vehicles of Kaldheim's world were cool to me. Did they have too many rare vehicles? I don't remember much having an impact. Regardless, I love the name, and I think while this card wouldn't make waves, it would be a great mythic to open in limited and someone would love to have it as a rule-0 commander. Keyword soup is always fun. I think that's about all we got, right? Good cards are good, haunting corpse-ships are haunting.

@real-aspen-hours — Phoenixflame Chariot

The only wording question I would say is that the second ability might need to say "Phoenixflame Chariot escapes as an artifact creature with a +1/+1 counter on it." Everything else is just a question of: what ORDER do these go in? The escape additions usually come after the escape, so that should be moved down, but where does the crew go? Keywords are first, so that's normal, but the crew cost is weird. Honestly, I think that the flavor text is a little...oddly parsing for me and squishes the text. This was a text submission so it's hard to see, but like, these are a LOT of abilities.

And they work well! This card is wildly powerful for red and needs to be dealt with immediately. I love how hard it would be to actually do so, and having it escape so powerfully is certainly phoenix-like. Whether or not this card would warp limited is a genuine question, but like, everything can be dealt with. I think this card has a lot going for it in terms of power level and I appreciate it a lot. It's a weird vision in the perfect kind of weird that this contest wanted. It's strong and world-based and just looks fun to play!

Commentary shall be worked on all the live-long day, and will be posted soon as I can get 'em done. @abelzumi

[always-andromeda]

I know it’s not historically accurate but… I wanna quote vines at Burt and have him be confused. Like he’ll catch on eventually why “Road Work Ahead?” Makes you die laughing but for now he’s lost.

Sure, he’s your dad boogie… woogie woogie?

uGH, I wanna confuse the absolute shit out of him with silly jokes. 🥰 Like I need him to do that blank, smiley expression, his brow furrowing as he’s computing your words and trying to parse out the joke. And then he awkwardly starts to laugh, trying to communicate that oh, yeah, I get it! even though he isn’t any closer to figuring it out than he was a few seconds prior.

Then you give him those big eyes and tell him that it’s okay that he doesn’t get the joke and that you’re just giving him a hard time before planting a kiss on his cheek. And that’s how he finds himself actually starting to laugh because so easily you turn him into such a scrambled mess. One minute he’s worrying that this is one of those times that the generational gap is being especially brutal and then the next he is right back to feeling like the luckiest man in the entire world because he gets to hear your laugh and see your smile and feel your lips against his skin in the first place.

Burt might be a sharp man, but when it comes to his sweetheart and their goofy little jokes, he feels like the dumbest man alive. But he’ll take it for you. <3

Other Vines that Burt would be confused about:

“Chris! Is that a weed?!” “No-” “I’m callin’ the police!” “911, what’s your emergency?”

“A potato flew around my room before you came…”

“So no head?”

The Iridocyclitis Kid (100% he’d be like “why are they laughing at him 🤨 he tried his best.”)

Don’t even try to hit him with a “wHAT ARE THOOOOOSE????” Because he will literally be like, “…my loafers… 😀”

Vines that Burt would understand:

“I want a Jewish girl that go to…temple…and read her Toraaaah…”

“Hurricane Katrina? More like Hurricane Tortilla!!” (Idk I just feel like that one would make him genuinely chuckle)

“Look at all those chickens!!” (Because haha, those aren’t chickens!! He understands that!! ☺️)

“Watch your profanity.” (Because he’s an old man and he agrees with the sentiment)

“Is that a chickeeen????” (Again, he gets it because haha, that’s not a chicken!! What a silly person!! ☺️)

[csmeanerr]

(packimps) i need some help here. i just came across this species named packimps and i really liked the idea of the species and its lore. however, the species is literally dead bc the owner, lysandrecafe, apparently got into some bullshit and from what i can parse from the few remaining screenshots, took a break but then disappeared from the internet entirely. the discord server link for packimps is open, but the channels are all privated.

now this lysandrecafe person made one final bulletin explaining why they left, and they mentioned that packimps would become ‘semi-open’, where slots can be purchased not for real money, but for fake currency (just paraphrasing lol)

sorry for the long context but, my question is this. can i make a packimp and still call it a packimp, and draw the OC in situations following established packimp lore? the species is literally *dead* and the owner is gone, there hasnt been any updates in the DA group since last year, idk if this would be an “offbrand”, and the species is sorta associated with mignyans as some of the ppl who own packimps are mods in mignyans, and i own some mig slots, i dont wanna get on the wrong side of anybody and end up getting harassed or smth

so in essence wanting to make a legal packimp but the species is dead

I'd say to still try and contact any of the staff on your intentions because they might respond who knows, or asking around on all platforms to show you did make an effort

next would be to contact mignyan staff to voice your worries and see their take on things and if they'd sanction such practice since yours is a unique case

personally i'd love to see people wanting to make a character even if the species is dead, it shows they enjoy it for what it is. you can be upfront that it's not official and explain the circumstances too

i can't say it will turn out how you want or if packimps will ever come back but i don't see why you can't enjoy it either

[mythgirlimagines]

There are four ways Ultimate Survivors Miu and Ouma can end up surviving attacks from classmates:

1. Miu and Ouma can end up snapping them like twigs instead. Ofc they ain't killing them, but to think an Ultimate Florist tried to kill the Ultimate Survivors, even if they didn't know it, feels insulting. These are usually spunky main-character participants who decided killing them would protect the rest of the class, and while that might be true in the context of the story, they don't wanna die, thank you. Easy-peasy, just throw them into a wall.

2. Miu and Ouma come up with a logical reason for why killing them would be fuckin stupid. This is usually reserved for the big boys like the Ultimate Soldiers and Martial Artists, people they can't fight off. These people don't intimidate them at all anymore, sorry. Team DR loves to try engineering an "epic fight" between them and these Ultimates at the cost of throwing the plot out the window. Two minutes of talk usually convinces the participant they're being morons in the context of the story. The story might not be real, but hey, they're tryna stay alive, a little lie is fine.

3. Escape. This is definitely the scenario they're the most alert for, because it implies the attacker is too strong to be subdued and too hellbent to be reasoned with. These are usually attacks from Ultimate Serial Killers or Grenadiers or whatever other edgy criminal combat talent Team DR gave their Resident Very Dangerous Psycho (tm) of the class. These talents are also the ones most likely to be someone's "real" talent, if Team DR decides to do that shtick. Miu and Ouma like to play dead with these guys.

4. Luckily, a witness happens to intervene. The rarest way for an attack to end, but it's definitely a treat when they see it. This is usually what happens sooner or later when a particularly stubborn Assassin or whatever keeps trying to argue with Miu and Ouma's logic. The person is their best friend or love interest, who convinces them not to do it by repeating what Miu and Ouma just said, except this time they listen. It's almost always funny when a witness walks in during a Scenario #1, as morbid as that sounds. They're very grateful to the witness in the event of a Scenario #3 tho.

I went overboard writing this out, but no I don't feel sorry. Anyways. With this info in mind, any headcanons for what they think of V3's cast and how threatening it is? Do they think it's gonna be a rough season, or almost filler with how many of them they'd be able to fold in half?

This made me think a lot about the capabilities of the cast lol

The three biggest physical threats, in their eyes, would be Tenko, Maki, and Gonta. They saw through Maki’s “talent” quickly thanks to all of their experience with “real” talent reveals, and Gonta probably wouldn’t make himself a problem.

Of course, the rest of their “class” would probably be able to come up with traps or other ways to kill them. It would be easier to try flying under the radar, but Team Danganronpa hated when they did that.

Probably the best way to avoid being targeted by others was to keep arguing with each other, and make it seem like they would be most likely to take each other out so nobody else would bother.

That said, though, they still needed to be on their A-games, since there were plenty of intellectual people in this cast. They could probably rely on reasoning with a lot of them, though.

It was an exhausting first few days to parse out all of that information and come up with different plans to stay alive, but hey, it was what they were supposed to be best at. Might as well make that count.

[golisopod-mutual]

i do not dress very femininely, bc it's uncomfy. why do I find it unpleasant? hmmm good question. because I'm so insecure in my body? because I don't dress that way usually and dressing in a way that's uncharacteristic of me makes me feel like I stick out and might look stupid? or do i prefer to present less feminine for gender-related reasons? I don't know!!

basically this:

i don't think i want to be more feminine presenting. but i feel like I need to in order to be pretty. i'm uncomfy in typical girly clothes bc i'm insecure. and i don't really wanna be super feminine. and i don't dress that way so it's unusual and I look stupid. BUT i feel compelled to fit the mold of 'stereotypically attractive young woman' so I feel like I don't present femininely enough, even though I don't really wanna be any more feminine. but if i'm not beautiful i'll peel my skin off so.

anyway. the intersection of 'prefers a less gendered presentation,' 'severe self esteem issues,' 'values herself entirely on physical attractiveness' and 'convinced she'll look stupid trying new stuff anyway' makes this all. um. really difficult. do you see why i take the easy, familiar way out lmao.

overall the body dysmorphia and sex aversion make gender presentation really difficult to parse. like. i want to look like a female movie star. not bc I want to be feminine but bc i'm afab so that's the beauty standard i'm held to in society. i hate having tits not bc I don't want them removed but bc I hate being sexualized.

idk. my feelings on my body are so complicated. how am I ever supposed to untangle which parts are dysmorphia, which are gender presentation, and which are avoidance of being sexualized. head in my hands.

when i do dress femininely I feel like im playing dress up. like im in a costume. idk. it feels weird