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Being a bi guy quite possibly the funniest sexuality like dammmnnnn I know who John Waters is and jerk it to twinks in panties but I got a coffee date with Hetero Jessica from work at 3 thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica

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yeah

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I am developing a gay hookup app with roguelike and deckbuilding elements

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Source

Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

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guy who has a hard time keeping up with the trends and interests of his peers: oh man im really out of the loop lol

guy who's stuck in a time loop: HOW DID YOU DO IT

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basically as soon as he hears “i wish that this wish and all subsequent wishes…” the genie knows his whole day is fucked

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genuinely insane how difficult it is to participate in your own life

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hello i’m hoziest and this is my song i’m already in church

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I love chain lightening what a classic spell. fuck you and you and you and you and you and

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hey sorry for getting really pissy at you earlier because I could hear you chewing. see I have a condition called [remembers pathologizing my behavior is unhelpful] it's actually because I hate you, specifically,

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ROCKET TRAIN – On a foggy day, a train transports a Soyuz rocket to the launch pad at the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan, October 29, 2000. 

(NASA)

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I've been thinking about crop circles and how they kind of just stopped being a thing like 20 years ago and I've decided the obvious explanation is that they were all made by one individual alien who recently retired from the art world after a long career of controversial surrealist art in which he went from one pre-contact planet to another fucking with the indigenous species' corn