#and i used to hate my mom and the way i viewed my parents completely swapped when i was about 15/16

[moonybemine]

your card declines at therapy so they bring out the father figure character that had a tragic death protecting the main character who's never had a father figure before them

[punkshort]

Chapter One

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader, pre-outbreak and post outbreak

AU (the only thing I kept was the outbreak, Joel, and Tommy's characters. Joel's backstory is different, and the way he finds Jackson is different. I may include Ellie one day, I just haven't planned that far)

Fic Summary: You worked for Joel and Tommy a few months before the outbreak. The outbreak happens, and you and Joel get stuck traveling the country and keeping each other safe. Neither of you spoke about the feelings you had for one another pre-outbreak, and in a post-apocalyptic world, it seems like survival should be your only focus. But feelings can't be ignored forever.

Fic tags: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI), Smut, Language, Canon-Typical Violence, Alcohol Use, Age Difference (Reader is 10 years younger than Joel), slow burn, mutual pining, angst, trauma, SA referencing later but I will put a big warning on those chapters

April 2003

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath, as the subway lurched forward, catching you off guard.

Today was the first day of your new job at a big-time construction company in downtown Manhattan. You had just moved to NYC a couple months ago, and this job was the first place that made you a reasonable offer. You were beginning to work through the last of your savings and getting sick of bumming it on your old college dormmate’s couch, so you eagerly accepted the position. The last thing you wanted to do was ask your parents for money – they were already so worried about you living in New York and working in Manhattan.

You thought back to when you called your mom and dad to tell them you finally got a job offer, so excited to tell them you could get your very own place if it all worked out.

“But Baby, don’t you think it’s a little dangerous working down there after what happened?” your mom had begged on the phone.

"Mom, please don’t worry, this building is nowhere near as big, this one only has 10 floors, I promise I will be ok,” you pleaded, hoping she won’t guilt trip you into moving back to the suburbs of Chicago.

You had always been a quiet, shy, studious type. Your parents always joked you would live with them til you were 40, never one to party or do anything bad. Needless to say, when you announced after graduation you wanted to move to New York, your whole family was stunned. You were pretty sure they expected you to chicken out, or move back home after a month, but you had a dream and you were determined.

Suddenly, the tinny voice over the subway speaker broke into your reverie, announcing your stop. You filed out of the packed car with loads of others who look like they were all going to similar corporate jobs. You tugged anxiously on the sleeve of your blazer as you made your way up the stairs and out onto the street. The crisp spring air that hit your face was a welcome change to the stuffy, overpacked subway car you had just left.

Lucky for you, Miller & Miller Contracting, Inc. was a mere 3 blocks from the subway. Your heels clicked loudly in your ears as you approached the building with ten minutes to spare. Relief began to wash over you a bit when you realized you planned the commute perfectly. You hated being late.

You pushed the door open into the lobby, approaching a large desk with two receptionists. Both were talking animatedly on their headsets and transferring calls. Patiently waiting for one of them to be available, you casually glanced around the lobby to avoid looking as nervous as you felt. The lobby itself was beautiful: it was completely open all the way to the top floor, with the glass elevator shaft behind the reception desk. The front of the building also was all glass, so that it afforded a beautiful view as the elevator took you up to your destination.

“Can I help you?” one of the receptionists called out. She had curly, short blonde hair, thin, and was impeccably dressed.

"Yes! I’m sorry, yes, it’s my first day in accounting. I am supposed to be meeting Heather, my name is –“ the receptionist cut you off, guessing your name before you could even finish your sentence. You confirmed who you were, and she got up to come around the desk.

"I’m taking the newbie upstairs to accounting, I’ll be right back, need anything?” she called back over her shoulder to her long haired, brunette cohort.

The slightly older receptionist shook her head in acknowledgment, still listening to whoever was on the other end of the phone call.

The receptionist who greeted you smiled and stuck out her hand.

"I’m Maggie, it’s nice to meet you. Come around to the elevator, I’ll take you up to Heather.”

She led you around the back of her desk to the elevator bank, her curly hair bobbed as her heels clicked on the dark tile floor. She began rattling off questions and information, no doubt a side effect of her job, and possibly caffeine, as you waited next to her for the elevator to arrive.

"How old are you? Are you from New York? Do you know anyone who works here? I’m always so excited when someone new joins, sorry if I’m making you nervous!  It’s a fun place to work, it really is, there’s a lot of great people here. I know your position can be a tough one, so please give it a chance, I swear it’s worth it.” She paused for a minute, realizing she might be scaring you off, as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

“Uhhh,” you stammered, trying to absorb the last bit of information without looking concerned, and stepped into the empty car. Maggie stabbed the button for the 6th floor as you replied.

"I’m 25, it’s my first ‘real’ job out of college, I just mainly had internships before now, and they hardly paid much. I’m glad I can finally stop couch surfing. I am from a small town outside Chicago, I went to school there and I’ve always wanted to live in New York. My old college roommate already lived here, so I decided to give it a shot,” you paused for a moment as Maggie nodded along eagerly with your story. You frowned slightly.

"I’m sorry, what did you mean when you said-" Right then, the elevator doors pinged to floor 6, opening up to an empty hallway.

“OK we’re here! Follow me!” Maggie cut you off, and whisked you down the hallway, which took you to an open floorplan filled with cubes upon cubes of bustling employees. Some were chatting between their desks, others were hurriedly talking on the phone, and some mindlessly scrolling on their computers.

Maggie led you to the back wall, which consisted mostly of offices, and what looked to be conference rooms in one end. She turned left as you rushed to keep up while trying to absorb your surroundings. You nearly smacked into her when she came to an abrupt stop in front of a partially open office door. She knocked gently, smiling at the person inside.

“Good morning, Heather! I have your new hire here,” she gestured towards you and waved you over. There sat Heather, your new boss, who you had only met when you interviewed with her and HR. Her mid length dirty blonde hair was perfectly in place, bangs framing her face, just like the day you met. She was probably about 15 years older than you, but she looked like she could pass for around your age. She was very trim, wearing a form fitting black dress with strappy sandals, and her makeup looked impeccable. If it wasn’t for the old fashioned hair style, she could pass for around 30.

You stepped into Heather’s office, which you hadn’t seen when you interviewed with her a couple weeks back. It was small, but it had a decent view, which was to Heather’s back as she stood from her desk to greet you warmly by your name and thank you for being so punctual. She glanced behind you at Maggie and thanked her for showing you up, effectively dismissing her. You turned back to wave your thanks to Maggie, but she was already gone, heels echoing down the hallway back towards the elevator.

“Alright! Follow me, I will take you to the rest of the department and introduce you to everyone,” she motioned for you to follow her out of her office. Being the Controller, she had her own personal space away from the rest of the group, which you found was not too far away from her office. Heather led you back the way you came but kept going straight along the wall of offices, talking to you over her shoulder as she walked.

"I hope you made it in OK, I’m so glad the sun is out this morning! I was getting sick of all that rain, this weekend was such a drag with all the dreary weather.” You hummed your agreement and assured her you made it in just fine, not letting it be known you were overanalyzing your commute all weekend long.

Heather stopped at the corner of the floor, punched a personalized code into a keypad next to a door and opened it. You had initially thought it could be a conference room, but in fact it turned out to be a decently sized room filled with cubes, some filing cabinets, and a small safe. You glanced around at the room of about ten employees hard at work, heads mostly down or on the phone. Two girls around your age who were seated next to each other in the corner of the room quickly quieted down their chatter, and looked in your direction when you walked in. You gave a shy smile towards them as Heather addressed the department.

“Good morning gang, this is our new Accounts Receivables Specialist,” she turned towards you, announcing your name to the group. “Please make her feel welcome, if you don’t mind showing her around where the bathrooms and coffee are, I would appreciate it. I have a meeting this morning with the big guy I need to get ready for, I’m sorry I couldn’t do it myself.” She turned back to you apologetically.

"We have a great, tightknit team here, they'll show you the ropes. This is your desk,” she led you over near the corner of the room where the two girls had been chatting. “I already stocked it with some paper and pens, but we do have a supply closet on this floor if you need anything else, and Colleen is going to be your trainer.”

She motioned over to one of the two chatty girls, who bounced over with a smile and an outstretched hand. You shook it, reintroducing yourself warmly as Heather made her exit.

"Again, sorry guys, I have a meeting with Joel, and you know how he is.” She rolled her eyes, and she was met with some chuckles and a couple looks of sympathy. Heather gave you a final wave and a promise to return around lunchtime to check in, and left through the same door you came in, with it locking shut behind her.

Colleen must have been around your age, her blonde hair was pulled back into a loose bun at the nape of her neck, and she had curious, bright blue eyes. She was wearing a business casual, knee length, light pink dress that was perfect for the beautiful spring day. You felt a bit out of place in your navy blazer and matching navy dress pants, but you wanted to look your most professional on your first day.

Colleen began to explain you will be shadowing her for the morning, getting you used to the software system they used, how to look up accounts, and where important files are stored. You learned Colleen was working in Accounts Payables, opposite your job. You realized the two of you will be working closely together, and connected the dots on why Heather chose her to train you, vaguely wondering who had your position prior.

As you pulled your rolling chair up to her desk to observe, notepad and pen in hand, you coolly questioned who Joel was, and what the reaction was all about. Colleen seemed the type that liked to gossip more than work, and she excitedly settled in to explain all the office politics to you.

“OK, so, Joel and Tommy run the company, they are brothers – Miller & Miller, get it?” she began, smiling brightly at you. “Tommy is SO much nicer than Joel, he is the one who schmoozes all of the new clients and signs all the new business. Joel is, well…” she trailed off, hands flailing gently, searching for an appropriate word to describe the head of the company without scaring off a new hire. “He can be challenging to work with sometimes, but don’t worry, you won’t have to work with him one-on-one. We have monthly meetings with him as a department, it’s a lot easier to handle him as a group, most of the time.”

“How do you mean, ‘challenging’?” you pressed, leaning forward, hoping to learn more about what you were getting into, not that you had much of a choice if you wanted to continue to live in the city. “Do you mean he just asks a lot of questions, or…?” Colleen picked up where you left off.

He’s mean,” she stated bluntly, smile faltering slightly. “He has made employees cry before, and he has caused people to quit on the spot during his meetings. He’s tough, but he’s the guy who goes to the job sites and makes sure everything is running smoothly. Unfortunately, that type of personality, especially from a man, on those construction sites is exactly what they need to make sure nobody is slacking off and cutting corners. They are too scared of him to screw up!” she laughed, trying to ease any nervousness she caused you.

You leaned back in your chair, gaze drifting aimlessly around her desk as you absorb what she told you. Before you could add anything further, the other girl Colleen had been chatting with earlier piped up from the adjoining cube.

“He’s an asshole. If he ever does say anything hurtful towards you, you have to just let it roll off your shoulders. That’s why Heather is so good in her position, she has to be one-on-one with him a lot, and she can handle his shit much better than most,” the redhead, whose name you saw on the outside of her cube was Debbie, gruffly interrupted. You could tell she was the opposite of Colleen – while Colleen is bubbly and sweet, Debbie seemed tougher and had an edge, although she still seemed just as friendly as she continued to help paint the picture of the mysterious Joel Miller.

“At the end of the day, you have to keep in mind we are not out here saving lives. We are working in accounting at a construction company. He gets so heated and spouts off at the mouth like this company is saving the world," Debbie finished explaining with a huff. She rolled her green eyes, crossed her arms over her chest and glared off at a fixed point on the wall beside her.

“Debbie is right, but she is just extra emotional about it because the girl in your position before had a run in with Joel, and she quit. Cheryl was Debbie’s best friend here, so she is just a little sore over it still.” Colleen tried to explain gently, without upsetting Debbie more.

Debbie nodded in agreement, sighing, she leaned forward with her elbows resting on her knees, she dragged her eyes away from the wall to look at the two of you.

"She’s right. Cheryl didn’t deserve that from him, but she did what was best for her when she quit. It happens a lot, I just thought Cheryl was used to it. She had been here 8 years!” Debbie exclaimed, throwing up her hands with frustration. 

You gulped and began to get nervous, not really sure what to say. All you could hope was that maybe you didn’t have to have one-on-one time with Joel. You just knew you needed to keep this job, or else you were packing your bags and moving back home. Your hands started fidgeting on your lap, and you chewed your bottom lip slightly as you took in the information.

“Well, thanks for the warning, girls, I will do my best to keep my head down and stay below the radar,” you chuckled quietly, hoping to ease some of the tension and change the topic.

Debbie smiled at you, a little sadly.

"That's a good plan, but since you are in receivables, Joel may put you on the spot in some of our meetings and want to know what the payment status is on specific clients of his. Heather will typically field those questions if she knows the information beforehand, but if he catches you off guard like he did with Cheryl…” she drifted off, allowing you to connect the dots on your own. “Just keep your guard up, and go into those meetings with TONS of notes on all his clients, that is the best advice I can give you. And let Heather do all the talking.” With that, Debbie scooted her chair back to her computer to get back to work.

Your eyes probably gave away your nervousness when you turned back to Colleen. She smiled warmly at you and patted you gently on the knee. “Don’t worry about it, I promise it's not as bad as it seems. Like Debbie said, Heather fields most of Joel’s questions directly. Plus, we just had our monthly meeting with him last week. You won’t have to cross paths with him for another month.” Colleen turned back to her computer and started explaining the accounting software to you.

You were really only half listening as your panic was bubbling just below the surface, replaying Debbie’s words in your head while you tried to focus on what Colleen was teaching you. You were beginning to understand why this place offered you the job so quickly, you just hoped you could be tough enough to get through those monthly meetings.

Chapter Two

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello! In one of your previous posts you mentioned the game purposefully hiding the faces of figures who play a significant role in each OB boy’s trauma. So do you think this applies to Idia's parents as well (they have masks to cover their faces and they don't even have separate sprites but the default STYX members' sprites)?

[Referencing this post!]

There’s a lot to unpack here, so I’ve put my thoughts under the cut!! I hope you enjoy reading ^^

***Note: Many spoilers for books 6 + 7 of the main story!!***

I definitely wouldn’t put the Shroud parents into the same category as like… Mrs. Rosehearts, who was basically the origin from which other issues stemmed. The Shroud parents themselves were not the “root cause” for Idia’s trauma, the “cause” was Ortho’s death and Idia feeling immense guilt and shame about it. Not once has Idia blamed his parents or implicated them for this misfortune (not counting the Shroud curse, which is really the fault of their ancestors and not the Shroud parents in particular). I guess where some fans feel there is an issue is the implication that the Shroud parents did not seem to be there emotionally for Idia or offer him healthy coping mechanisms for his issue??

Before I give my thoughts on why the Shroud mom and dad obscure their faces (and how this does or doesn’t fit into the “purposefully obscuring the faces of those significantly related to each boy’s trauma), allow me to offer a different perspective to those who find fault with Idia’s parents. Firstly, consider that we know very little about the period of time between Ortho’s death leading up to Idia enrolling at NRC. Even then, most of what we know of this period comes directly from Idia, which provides us with a biased and limited perspective. Idia views most things negatively and does not seem close with his parents, so it makes sense that he would describe them in an inflated and unflattering way.

I think where a lot of the initial thoughts about the Shrouds being bad parents (a sentiment I myself had prior to their book 7 reveals) predominantly comes from them not being present in Idia’s post-OB flashback and Idia stating that his parents care more about results than their son’s feelings. We also learn from later that the family used to go out a lot as a group, but those trips stopped after Ortho died. These heavily imply his mom and dad were not there for Idia after the… incident. But let’s back up for a moment; where does the flashback pick up after Ortho died? Over two years later. That’s a large gap to not be knowing what the Shroud parents were doing during it. The STYX employees present also state that Idia has “completely withdrawn” ever losing Ortho, and this could be inclusive of the parents. So… we don’t really know for sure if, during this expanse of 2 years, the parents never made an effort to reach out. Even if they did, it seems highly likely that Idia rejected them. It’s possible that the flashback didn’t feature the parents because Idia largely shut them out of his life or did not deem them to be deeply linked to his trauma; he laments only the general family curse and the loss of Ortho, he does not direct hate at either parent in the flashback.

What we also have to remember is that it wasn’t just Idia that lost a brother that terrible day. Mr. and Mrs. Shroud their sons; Ortho literally (he passed away) and Idia figuratively (as he started to emotionally distance and isolate himself). That’s tough for any parent, but the world cannot stop for them just because they experienced a tragedy. Unfortunately, life moves on and the Shroud parents are in such important positions that they need to work. This is especially true of Mr. Shroud, who oversees all of STYX operations and is burdened with a curse that demands he constantly be surrounded by blot or else the curse will start to chip away at his own magical energy. They need to do this while juggling their own sadness over losing Ortho. There’s only so much time the Shroud parents can try to comfort Idia when they have work, their own emotional trauma to work through, and their surviving son who doesn’t seem to welcome any efforts they put in. You could even theorize that the Shroud parents (particularly the dad) threw themselves into work to try and bury their own feelings. The Shrouds do obviously have a responsibility to Idia as his parents, but parenting is not so easy of a task. They’re still individuals who have other things to balance alongside parenting and they realistically cannot dedicate 100% of their time or energy to Idia.

Now, please do not misunderstand me. I don’t want my words to come off like I’m pointing fingers or victim blaming. What I’m trying to say here is that it isn’t Idia OR his parents’ fault that they grew distant; to me, both parties were busy dealing with their own complicated emotions and their coping methods didn’t seem to align (because different people can have very different trauma responses) and ended up hurting Idia even more in the end. Making mistakes is human and normal. We've seen other characters also falter with their past actions and what they were or were not able to do at the time (Trey not standing up for or to Riddle, Lilia acting callously towards his children, etc.). This by itself is NOT necessarily a bad thing or something to hate on them for; I'd argue that what matters much more is how those matters were dealt with and what the results of those efforts have been. In the case of the Shroud parents, they do not appear to have bad blood with Idia or Ortho in modern day and the game has really done little to indicate that the Shroud parents should be viewed in a morally grey light. They've welcomed Ortho as a part of their family, openly refer to him like a third son, supported his official enrollment as a NRC student, and worry about his safety when Ortho tries to rush headfirst into danger. As for Idia, though he sometimes grumbles about his parents and tends to their actions as coming from a place of not caring, his peers have pointed out that being scolded is proof of his parents’ love for him. For example, Idia complains that his parents have sent him back to NRC so they don’t have to deal with a “nuisance” like him. He also says that there has been public interest in STYX and demand for accountability, which has specifically put his father under fire. We could view the situation like Idia has—that has parents wanted him out of their way. However, as Rook so tactfully pointed out, Idia’s parents must hold deep affection for him. This implies that the Shrouds chose to send Idia back to school for his own safety, and Mr. Shroud was willing to take the full brunt of the heat himself rather than let people suspect his son, whom Mr. Shroud must know is socially anxious. Idia has plenty of other stories about how his parents punished him for dangerous tech modifications he made, and how they’d take away his gadgets as punishment. Again, because they care about their children and their safety, even if they (especially his more stern and work-oriented father) may not show it in conventionally affectionate ways. Idia has pessimistic views that color his parents as annoying and isn’t as close to them anymore as he used to be, but this doesn’t condemn the Shrouds to the eternal hall of bad parents who never ever learn or refuse to change their ways.

Now, about their outfits! Mr. and Mrs. Shroud wear the same robes as NPC staff at STYX. This much is true!! … But I don’t think there is any deep meaning in this, seeing as Idia too wears the same robes?? I believe this is just the default work uniform for STYX researchers, regardless of the position they’re in (so this uniform detail does not technically contribute to the “intentional obscuring” of the Shroud parents’ designs).

We don’t really know what the reason for them wearing the helmets is, and nor is there very strong implication as to why. There have been plenty of fan speculations and theories including but not limited to: special personal protective equipment, magical enhancement gear, general Shroud family shyness, cost/time saving measure for the devs, etc. I can’t really say one way or another which is the “most correct” idea 🤷‍♂️

What I will say is that I do not think there was an intent to hide the Shroud parents’ faces for the same reasons that Mrs. Rosehearts’ face was. Why? Well:

Their faces are not censored in the same way as Mrs. Rosehearts was in the manga; she has her face shaded out by black, but we can still see the details of her outfit. The Shrouds, meanwhile are making the conscious decision to wear helmets—and highly personalized helmets at that. (Mr. Shroud’s helmet is different in colors and design than Mrs. Shroud’s.) This indicates individuality and wanting to make the Shroud parents stand out, not to homogenize them as anonymous black blots at which the OB boys’ trauma finds its roots.

To build off of my previous point, the comment about purposefully obscuring the face of the "source" of Riddle's trauma was ONLY said in the context of the manga, NOT the game. Therefore, in-game assets cannot be considered reliable for "the Shroud parents wear helmets to hise their faces; hidden faces = source of an OB boy's trauma" theory. If you doubt this, then please refer to each boy’s post-OB flashback. In the game, it is not just the sources of their trauma that are blotted out in black, it is literally every character (even the ones with positive memories or experiences associated with them). This includes Trey and Che’nya, whose younger form faces ARE openly depicted in the manga. So again, the “obscuring the faces of characters who are major trauma sources” thing only applies to the manga and the game does not follow this.

The Shrouds are largely depicted in a positive light. The negative aspects of them tend to come from Idia, who tends to have a pessimistic slant to his perception of the world and other people.

Idia’s personal accounts and even his post-OB flashbacks do not attribute or credit his parents for any aspect of his trauma. Much of the guilt and shame he feels is self-imposed and directed at himself.

As I’ve pointed out earlier in this post, we are assuming a lot of things about what happened in Idia’s life following Ortho’s death. The downside to this is that it doesn’t grant the parents any grace and takes everything we see (as little as it is) at face value without considering alternatives or how the parents could have changed in recent years.

Again, we don’t have a lot of information on why the Shrouds wear the helmets. I don’t think it’s wise to assume it’s for a bad reason when most of the canon has indicated we are supposed to “like” the Shrouds (or, at the very least, they’re supposed to be “redeemed” compared to the initially negative comment we were given of them).

In conclusion: no, I don’t think Idia’s parents are wearing their helmets because they’re associated with their son’s trauma. To me, the helmets feel like something they must wear for some in-universe purpose such as additional protection or to indicate their role within the organization.

[artist-issues]

Your words and your posts have been incredibly disheartening for me to see. My mother left the church. She is not an apostate, but she did question the church’s teachings in secret. She completely left faith when I was born. I have congenital heart defects, which I was born with. I nearly died on the operating table. For this reason, my mother and I do not believe in God, who is said to be all-powerful and all-benevolent. My mother is a wonderful person. She risked her life in the Covid-19 pandemic as she works at a hospital. If anyone deserved to live in an eternal paradise, it would be her. Your LGBTQ+ views have also upset me. My oldest friend, who I have known since before I could even remember, is transgender and gay, and have been more supportive to me as a disabled person than any Christian has been. I’m only 18 years old, yet I know that you chose faith over experiences with the wonderful parts of humanity. Respectfully, please reconsider your views on gay and trans people.

I truly appreciate how thoughtfully and respectfully you typed out this message. It is clear that these matters mean a lot to you and I'm going to go ahead and assume that you aren't speaking out of any kind of hate.

I would just offer you a counter-perspective, and maybe by understanding where I'm coming from, you can see that I'm not speaking out of any kind of hate for people, either. I'm half blind. I was born that way. My twin sister and I were taken by emergency cesareans-section when we were incredibly, dangerously premature. My twin was given no chance of survival; the cesarean was just meant to give me a 50% chance of survival. At the time, my mother was recently married to a 19 year-old drug dealer after her own father abused and abandoned her and her mother. She'd been living apart from the faith for years, rejecting God to follow the occult or whatever political party had hear heart at the time. My father hated God.

But when my sister and I were fighting for life for weeks on end, and nobody was sure if we would live or die, and they had to bring us home with heart monitors because our hearts would literally stop beating several times a night, my mom realized how helpless she was to do anything to save us. And she prayed. And we lived. Both of us. Not only that, but my father, at 19 years old, addicted to drugs since the age of 13, narrowly escaped death and gave his life to Christ. After a whole life of having no social skills unless he was high, doing whatever he wanted to whoever he wanted, and caring about nothing but himself, now he is a Pastor (bi-vocationally; he is also a tradesman working with his hands) and has given me and all my family, and many other families, everything we have in our lives through his dedicated and faithful life. He and my mother have been happily married and serving God with their whole lives for almost thirty years now.

And not only them, but me, my twin sister, my younger sister, my little brother, my grandfather (who was an actual killer and drug addict as well) we all know God. We all have a relationship with Him. And that's the biggest most wonderful gift He gave us, out of all those wonderful things He did for us. Saving my life, my dad's life, my twin's life, changing who they were and making them new people.

I'm not telling you all that to like, compare disabilities or traumas or whatever. That would be ridiculous for lots of reasons. But I'm just trying to be honest.

It's not a religion or a system of beliefs that I've subscribed to. It's not a social flag I live under. It's not something I do just because my parents or the people in my immediate community have shown me. It's because He's real, and He showed Himself to me—when it's just me and Him, and nobody else's opinion or say-so matters— and it's all really true—everything the Bible says. And He's so much better, and so much more benevolent, than anyone on earth can describe to you.

And, at the same time, when you understand who He is, and who we are...the question isn't "how could a good God let anyone go to Hell instead of paradise?" The question is, "how could He let any of us live after what we did?" It's hard. But seriously, just play pretend with me for a bit, if only to "understand my perspective." Pretend there was a God, all-powerful, endlessly loving, in fact, Love Itself. The love that was His very nature spilled out so much that He created—created beautiful, amazing, complex creatures who were intrinsically full of worth and light, and made to reflect Him, that Love, back to Him, and share in it. A big happy family.

And then those creatures from the dirt committed cosmic treason and said "screw You, I don't care if You created me and I don't care if You love me or want to be in relationship with me: I want to be You. I want to call the shots." And those creatures from the dirt basically did the cosmic version of climbing in their father's lap to spit in His face, and go stab each other over fleeting pleasures in the gutter because the mansions He was offering them wasn't as good as pretending they could be gods of their own lives.

That's the story. Thats what happened. Read Genesis, if you have the time and if you're of the heart to. And because of what we chose, we got twisted up. I'm sure you read that, in my posts. So even the thing we were made for—love—got mangled up inside us and we can't express it the right way anymore.

He would've been justified in wiping us out. Starting over with new creatures. We were His creation. He gets to decide what we are and what to do with us: we betrayed and insulted and defied our rightful King. But He's not like that. He had no reason to--no obligation to--but He chose to do the work and make a way for us to be back in relationship with Him. And He chose to do it by subjecting Himself to unimaginable torture and darkness, which would have been ours by right if He hadn't taken it for us.

I know that you love your mom. It is plain to see. And I understand the feeling. But if you really get to know the God of the actual Bible, instead of just the memes and the flawed people who try to explain Him—if you really get to know Him, between you and Him, you'll see that He actually loves your mom more than you do. And He loves you more than you, or anyone, does. Because He knows you both better and more intimately than you even know Yourselves. He made you. It'd be like an author getting to dive down into the story and tell their characters everything about themselves.

That's the kind of love we were made for. The kind of love that is there even though you don't deserve it, even though you're not entitled to it—the kind of love that would die for you while you're still hating Him.

I mean just stop and think about it, clear your brain of everything everyone has ever told you about LGBTQ+ and all that. And just think: can you love someone wholeheartedly and still know they're in the wrong? Even when they wholeheartedly believe they're right? Even when they're hurt by you believing they're in the wrong? Of course you can. Anyone who's had a loved one with a self-destructive habit, like alcohol addiction or an abusive lover or just a toxic personality trait or two, can relate to that common sense. They can say, "of course I love you. That's why I'm telling you to stop doing this, it's hurting you, it's not good for you, I know it doesn't feel that way, but it's the truth."

So if you believe that there are some circumstances where that applies, what makes it so unloving for this hypothetical God, who knows the best thing for your friend and knows your friend better than you do, to say so about being LGBTQ+? Why should LGBTQ+ be any different?

Well, the answer, of course, is that you don't believe it is true that it's wrong. Because, if we rewind, you don't believe in God. But you just told me that you came to that conclusion kind of...after feeling hurt by Him. You almost died, first , then your mom chose to leave Him behind and go ahead and live as if He doesn't exist. And you did, too.

But let's go back to playing pretend. If God exists, then He didn't act how you think He should've, as an "benevolent" God: He didn't do YOUR version of "good." So you abandoned Him. (We're pretending like He exists, from your perspective.) He didn't do your version of good, you feel mistreated, so you walked away from Him.

But He would never do that to you. If He's the kind of person the Bible says He is, He doesn't treat you that way. When you (humanity) didn't do His version (which is the only real version, since He invented it) of good, He didn't abandon you. He totally could have. But instead He made a way for your relationship to get fixed. But you have free will. So He's not going to force you to love Him and accept the gift. If you want to continue for all eternity without being with Him, you can. He gives you that option.

But then don't wonder why people who choose that option don't get "eternal paradise." Because according to the Bible, that's all heaven is: getting to be in relationship with God forever. Fully who He made you to be. If you don't want that, He won't force it: in fact, He couldn't. It wouldn't be just, and He is always just.

The truth is, after what we did to Him, none of us deserve anything from Him. I didn't deserve to survive in that ICU. Neither did my sister. Neither did my father or mother or grandfather. None of us should be allowed to inhale another breath; we're the King's people who betrayed Him and tried to steal His throne. But He is so good that instead He turns around and adopts us.

I know this is rambly. But you messaged me so genuinely, I just sort of wrote this as if I were sitting down and talking it all out, one word in front of the other, with you. I don't know you. I know these are very hot button topics, and very personal issues; but like you, I think they're of the utmost importance.

So I will keep considering the LGBTQ+ and transgender issues—but you have to understand that I'm in service to the King, so to speak. I love Him, He loves me, and He's my God. When I consider any part of reality, it's impossible to do so without Him as the center and standard of truth. Without Him, who gets to decide what's right or wrong? Just me. And on my own, I am inconsistent, selfish, ruinous. But I'm not on my own. And in the meantime, I'll ask you to consider God, the real God, of the Bible. Not what a church of whatever denomination tells you—not to start with. Not what I tell you, or anyone tells you. Just what He said about Himself, straight from the Bible. Let Him speak for Himself. Thanks for reaching out.

[seastarconstellation]

Does anyone want to scream about Lily Evans and her relationship with Snape with me? I'm writing a longfic and I'm struggling a little with my characterisation.

Okay, actually. I'll start:

Lily fascinates me because we know so little, and what we do know often contradicts in very interesting ways. Who Harry’s parents were is presented as a mystery that Hary solves throughout the books. Lily appears to be even more obscured than James; he has a group of friends to tell Harry all about who he was. People seem much more hesitant to talk about Lily (the marauders mostly bring her up to talk about her green eyes. That part where Lupin talks about being close with her is movie-only), and her closest friend and family actively withhold information. There are never any Griffendor women who talk to Harry about being close to his mom. It leads me to assume that Lily, a known muggle-born from a poor town in the middle of nowhere and a known associate of Severus Snape, wasn’t quite as popular as Slughorn suggested in Hbp

I’m also going to go out on a limb and say she wasn’t quite as put together as you’d assume; she had a baby at 19 or 20, in the middle of a war. I’m really trying to put what I’ve seen happen first-hand with super young parents aside. But even when I accept that Lily was able to be a good mum at such a young age, I can’t pretend that this was a mature decision. A war was happening, and Lily and James were both prominent soldiers in it. Surely she realised how much danger they both were in.

The big bombshell is, of course, her friendship with Snape. We know they became friends at eight years old, considered each other ‘best friends' at one point, that their relationship started crumbling in the fifth year and that she officially cut him off after he called her mud blood at the lake. Other posts have already masterfully illustrated how they were torn apart because they were fundamentally unable to see things from each other's point of view. Severus talks about being bullied, then dismisses the bullying other Slytherins were doing (when Lily tells him about Mulciber using dark magic on a student he waves her off. “That was just a laugh.”). Lily, on her end, seems very eager to believe Griffendor's gossip over her supposed best friend when it comes to the shrieking shack incident. They’re both hypocrites. Completely ignoring each other's issues while blaming the other for not acknowledging their own. So one thing leads to another, Snape yells a slur and Lily decided that enough is enough. Which makes sense, it’s not her responsibility to fix him if he’s starting to get radicalised. There’s a certain tragedy in baby Sneeple being thrown in the dungeon with a bunch of wannabe-death eaters at eleven, but again, that was not for her to fix.

But I’m still completely baffled by the fact that she laughed. Whywhywhy did Joanne(derogatory) write that. That’s your best friend being publically humiliated and borderline sexually assaulted, what in the hell are you smiling for. I’ve tried to argue that she’s not laughing at Snape, she’s getting flustered by James’ antics. But no, that doesn’t make sense either. At that point, she’s still very turned off by him, and she calls him a toerag only a few lines later. His show-off is precisely what she dislikes about him. This would not be charming to her even if she already had a crush.

One explanation I’ve seen is that the friendship was one-sided from Snape’s end. She pitied him when they were kids, got sick of him at Hogwarts and then dragged this dead horse of a friendship around for five years before finding a way out. Meaning that she laughed because she genuinely thought Snape being bullied was funny. And to be honest, I hate this interpretation. It’s just sad, but not in an interesting way. There’s no tragedy there. It reminds me of those fanfics on Wattpad where the love interest was only fake-dating Y/N as a joke.

It’s wildly unrealistic, renders Snape’s sacrifice kind of meaningless, makes him seem like a total idiot and her like an evil harpy. I’m rejecting it on principle.

So… then what? Lily just has a lack of empathy? Demonic possession? Honestly, it seems as likely that Joanne(derogatory) had not quite figured out what their relationship was supposed to be. Because it makes perfect sense if they don’t really know each other, doesn’t it? The smile emphasises that Snape is socially ostracised. The fact that she composes herself emphasises that Lily is a moral figure and does not approve of James’ conduct.

If you have another interpretation that makes sense, please tell me! I’d love to know how others are reading this scene because I feel it’s essential to her characterisation but I’m just not quite able to get there yet.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

saw your yuki/kyo dissection and i was curious to know what's the other ship you think was an obvious possible option?

... after consulting @cafedanslanuit , Imma say it. For the plot. And Imma write my essay explaining my case. But y'all... don't get mad at me for being right. Strap in, this is gonna be a long one lmao.

But before I actually say it, we need to talk about Akito and Tohru and how they parallel one another.

Because these two are the same character at the opposite ends of the spectrum and 2/3 of the key aspects of Fruits Basket that make the show work. Without them, there's no Fruits Basket.

Both of them are quite literally the same character.

Masculine naming convention? Check.

Abandonment issues? Check.

A favored parent and a parent they have negative feelings towards? Check.

Especially since their respective relationships with their parents led to those abandonment issues and how they interact with the world. Akira was to Akito what Kyoko was Tohru. Ren's unnatural hatred of Akito, viewing her as a threat for Akira's attention, Akira's death and Kureno's curse suddenly breaking for no rhyme or reason led to Akito becoming the person she became.

Katsuya's death caused Kyoko to fall into a depression so deep she neglected Tohru for an indeterminable amount of time. Very nearly left Tohru to herself before coming her senses and becoming the best mom in the world that we the audience know her as. But that period of Tohru's life was very forming for who she became.

Kyoko came back after coming to her senses, we know this. But to Tohru, her mother suddenly embracing her for the first time in likely weeks, was the result of Tohru mimicking her dad's speech. A formal way of speaking that became so engrained into her daily habits, it's completely inseparable from her now.

Akito and Tohru's respective experiences ultimately lead them to the same core aspect of their character: Loneliness.

Both of them are terribly afraid of being alone, they just keep people in their lives in very different way.

Akito relied on fear, Tohru used kindness.

Akito used violence, Tohru used compassion.

Akito's go-to was embracing her father's words that she was a special child born to be loved. As such, she could do anything she wanted to the other members of the zodiac without facing any repercussions.

Tohru's go-to was her belief that her not prioritizing her mother over rest is inherently connected to her mother's death. That she should have prioritized her mother over everything. That her mother had to be her number one even in death. Thus, she became afraid of loving anything or anyone more than her mother. And yet, she still didn't want to lose anyone else in her life.

Tohru's kindness is genuine but there is a benefit she gains from it similarly yet juxtaposed to Akito's abuse.

That's why the two of them are able to come to an understanding with one another by the end of the story. Why Tohru was able to set everything else aside to start from zero because she understands that fear of being alone all too well.

They are both a mirror into what the other person could have been like if their circumstances were different. Tohru could have been that bitter, hate-filled woman, while Akito could have just as easily been the sweetest woman in the world.

Akito is Tohru

and Tohru is Akito.

All this buildup is to say that...

I think the only other obvious choice for Tohru was Shigure.

Yes, Shigure.

Y'all heard me right.

The final piece to what makes Furuba work, the one who instigated the plot in the first place.

And I'm sorry if y'all get mad at me for saying that, but I really don't think this is an incorrect assessment. I'll die on the hill that it was an obvious what if.

There's superficial things one can have fun mentioning in regards to these two ー

Across all adaptations of Furuba, Shigure is the first Sohma we are introduced to

Shigure's cursed year is the Dog, Tohru's birth year is the Dog

But the biggest thing for me is in how Tohru is an intrinsic part of something Shigure lacks as a person, that being empathy.

To make myself clear, I'm not saying Shigure is completely void of empathy. Because we can see him expressing it to the people he cares for in the story. (Ex. Wanting to go on a vacation during Golden Week so Hatori can avoid his ex's wedding.)

But for Shigure, empathy isn't something that comes easy for him. As he words it, his kindness isn't as good as the real thing someone like Hatori has. Shigure considers his kindness a hastily manufactured afterthought.

He's someone perfectly content using someone if he gets something out of it. And if he sees someone hesitating to reach for something they want, he'd rather just provoke them into action than attempt to warmly encourage them or understand where they're coming from. Because he doesn't see a point in hesitating at all and frankly, he knows comforting people like that doesn't come easy to him. So he normally opts not to.

As such, he's fascinated by the levels of empathy and kindness Tohru has. Tohru's kindness sometimes even makes him feel guilty and Shigure isn't someone who often feels guilt in the first place.

Contrast to him, Tohru is so pure that Shigure can't help acknowledging how twisted he is. In season 1/the manga's first arc, he even tells Hatori that because of that forced realization he gets every time he looks at her he thinks Tohru is too pure for him.

Compare to that to our final arc of the manga/season ー where it all eventually escalates to Shigure's quiet contemplationthat maybe he should have dreamed of Tohru.

That it's most likely that Akito wasn't the right one to dream of.

That someone as twisted as him needs someone like Tohru to balance it. To be that beacon that can lead him into being a 'normal' person.

He genuinely thinks about it in that moment as he playfully tells Tohru 「もしもの、お話し」 which is more accurately translated as "It's a what-if story".

Had Shigure dreamed of Tohru all those years ago, what would have been different?

...

But Tohru isn't who he dreamed of and this is the bed Shigure has decided to make for himself. One he has kept on the path of for years. So he lets himself think about the what ifs for a moment before ultimately deciding to keep lying in the bed he's made in hopes of the day Akito finally comes around.

But it's in Shigure's mind, and now the audience's mind, that more than likely it should have been Tohru. Tohru and what she represents is who he should have dreamed of.

You can see signs that a relationship with Tohru is something Shigure's considered even vaguely in the series even before that point though.

Sure it's passed as a joke, but when you look back at the scene with the "what if story" goggles, you can't help wondering "was it really though?"

Hell, Shigure desiring Tohru is something that even Akito feared.

She was enraged at the thought very thought of it during the Summer Vacation arc. It's what set Akito off enough to tell Tohru that she is the God of the zodiacs and they all belong to her, Shigure in particular.

Akito was already even in an agitated state before she asked Shigure if he felt anything even partially romantic towards Tohru. Why? Because she's displeased that Shigure isn't kind to her the way he used to be. That he used to only look at Akito but now he doesn't. She wants him to be kind to her again, like he was before.

And Shigure is exceptionally kind to Tohru.

Like he is very careful and considerate when he comes to Tohru which he even confesses to Mayu at one point when she tells him that he should treat her carefully. He tells her 「これでも僕にしてはめずらしいくらい大切にしてると思うんだけどね」 which can, more accurately be given a rough translation of "I think it's unusual for me, but I'm taking good care of her" or even "I think it's unusual for me to value someone this much".

And if you look back on the series, that isn't cap.

Excluding characters like Kisa, Hiro and Momiji (who isn't the same age as the other two but acts youthful enough it is easy to forget), Tohru is the only character Shigure doesn't really treat the way he does everyone else.

Shigure has no problem poking and prodding at people, even in moments where they're very clearly in emotional turmoil when he says them.

Asking Yuki what Akito told him during the Summer Vacation arc.

Telling Kyo that he is using hating Yuki as a shield for what he doesn't want to think about.

(... Telling Akito "bitch I wouldn't have cheated on you if you didn't cheat on me first" lmaooo.)

Even if at the end of the day, it is coming from his own way of caring (trying to get people to act and move forward), that doesn't change the fact Shigure can be a complete asshole. One that will say some very hurtful things to people.

And he's done it multiple times to the same people over and over again. Measuring what's the right amount of what to say to avoid or invoke a specific reaction that he does or doesn't want. Sometimes it's played for laughs, other times it is to rile someone up so badly they cannot contain their aggravation.

So it really isn't cap when he tells Mayu he does, in reality, treat Tohru very gently. For all that Shigure is capable of doing, he treats Tohru with more care than he normally gives to people. Especially considering he has no real reason to since she was a stranger to him until recently.

It takes Shigure until the final arc to do anything of his usual nature to Tohru. And when he does, he asks her if she's mad at him afterwards. It doesn't sound like much until you realize he's never done anything of that sort for any other character in the series.

Yuki. Kyo. Akito.

He'll back off. He might sigh and state it's pointless to continue a debate when he and the other person are going back and forth in circles. But he never asks to see how that other person feels because he doesn't care. Hell, he can tell if that other person is upset with him or done with his shenanigans.

And yet with Tohru, he feels compelled to ask for the first time ever.

And, of course, I can't talk about all this stuff and not mention Shigure's calm fury when Tohru fell from the cliffside. He stayed quiet for damn near 20 seconds as he processed that Akito told him that Tohru fell and we don't see his face the entire time he's processing. Then once he finally pulls himself together, he couldn't even let Akito finish her sentence when he asked if Tohru's 'fall' was a push.

We never truly get to see in Furuba, something that could set Shigure off.

But I think in that moment we get a glimpse of it. A glimpse that shows just how strongly he feels for Tohru. Because it begs the question, if Akito had pushed Tohru off that cliff, what would Shigure have done? How would he have reacted? I don't think even Shigure knew how he would have reacted.

I'm honestly morbidly curious.

That's all to say, that, "what if" story was with Shigure. Not Momiji, not Yuki. It was Shigure.

'If you didn't end up with A, you definitely would have ended up with B'. If we narrowed this down to Yuki and Tohru specifically, there's only two other characters that come close to that. If it wasn't Machi for Yuki and Kyo for Tohru ー YuKyo and ShiTohru would have been at the finish line.

If Shigure had dreamed of Tohru... or hell, what if he had dreamt of Akito but decided that that dream alone wasn't enough to keep the canine sense of loyalty he was cursed with?

There definitely would have been more than just proposals played for laughs and musings of that 'what could have been's.

Well anyway if you're curious to see my take on what it could have been like if Shigure dreamed of Tohru (complete w/ YuKyo and onesided AkiGure) do I have the story for you because I'm writing it on AO3. Read and give me comments to validate my delusions wwwwwwwwwww

[mari-lair]

Thank you so much!

I used to really like Tsukasa at the start of the manga but his story went in a direction I hate, so I don’t think I’m the best person to ask about him....

I do have some things to say about the red house, his most ‘completed’ arc, though. So I’ll try my best, just this once.

First thing first, let’s get this out of the way:

Kou’s theory that there are two Tsukasas (one who was stuck in this house forever and “another” that pretended to be Hanako’s brother and was consequently killed) was proven wrong in the end of the very same chapter. The red house Tsukasa is the only one that exists, and he went back home after Kou told him about the future.

He only spends half a year in the Red House.

Tsukasa acts weird, and every adult blamed his behavior on the mysterious entity in his body that Tsukasa had named 'god’, but god isn’t in control: Tsukasa was the one that decided to stay in the house because ‘Amane hates him’, just like he was the one that decided to burn down the house when he changed ideas.

This god had to ask what Tsukasa was doing, so it have no access to his thoughts, and it seem to either be unable to fight against Tsukasa’s decisions, or give him full control. 

From the start, Tsukasa was the one who influenced god’s behavior, not the other way around:

Tsukasa doesn’t care about this god: He doesn’t ask it any personal questions, even childish ones “Who are you?” “Are you a good god?” “Do you have a house in there too?” “What do you look like?” and so on. He never tries to reach this god either. Is not like he is scared of the darkness out of reach, he just doesn’t personally care.

His view is very limited. He treats it as he would any ‘cool thing he finds’ and go straight to Amane to talk about it.

I’m sure he would only reach out to this god if Amane asked him to: Literally every thing he asked from ‘god’ have been for Amane. He is a four years old toddler who loves to play, yet he does not have any wishes or goals of his own.

The very reason he was in the house wasn’t to have his wish granted, it was to have Amane’s wish granted. And he wasn’t even stuck, he could leave whenever he wanted, but “Amane wouldn’t be happy to see me because he hates me”, so he stayed in the house, believing it too, was Amane's wish.

His only wish is to make Amane happy.

And when I say he only thinks about Amane, I mean it: He didn't spared a single wish to his parents, didn’t share that there is a god under the floorboard with them at any point. Is like they are an afterthought.

Even in the red house, alone with no adults, all he wants to do is play.

He never implies he misses his parents even when he tries to lure Kou by using Kou's dead mom.

It does not matter how loving and kind and worried his parents are, Tsukasa is indifferent about them. He has no interest in how they are feeling or to learn more about them.

His life revolves around having fun, which he mostly connects with Amane, so he always finds ways to make things about Amane.

His mom worry, and hugs him, and cries of joy, and Tsukasa does not spare her a glance. Nene shows interests similar to his own, but he doesn't want to learn more about her, just seeing it as an opportunity to talk about his brother.

He connects interest with love too. 

Ask him questions and he’ll assume is love. Show him worry. It’s love. Everything is love. So he doesn’t have a good concept of what love is.

People do affect him even if he doesn’t realize it though, because of such loving parents, he grow to genuinely love physical contact and trust strangers easily!

But he is usually very apathetic about individuals.

This “horror child” framing when he delivers the news is Kou’s perception of his behavior. He has a negative bias against Tsukasa so the kid feels eery and almost malicious.

Tsukasa’s mom also gets negative bias when ‘god’ start inhabiting Tsukasa’s body and gives him the knowledge to both know people’s wishes and their future, (something a kid shouldn't have) telling people how they’ll die and such with a smile.

Amane is smiling by his side in the same frame the mom sees this ‘monster that inst her son’, and it is pretty clear Tsukasa isn’t hurting anyone, as weird as he has always been. The mom just assumes the worst after he went missing for half a year.

So back to the scene with Kou: Tsukasa isn’t being malicious, he doesn’t want the people to be trapped in the house, or to see them hurt. He doesn’t care about the people at all: He is disconnected from it.

Kou is panicking, but Tsukasa doesn’t see anything wrong with what he said, or show any worry about Nene missing, mostly confused by Kou's behavior.

He shows nothing when trying to help the house lure people with their wishes either. No pride. No joy. No malice. Just a detached “Is this what you want? I can give you.” like a kid trying to give someone a toy they have no interest in.

The only time he showed genuine interest in someone without trying to connect his joy or amusement with Amane at all, was with Kou, after Kou explained his wishes.

And what does he call him? Silly.

He is a child, so when Kou was rejecting all his wishes, Tsukasa took things at face value “So this isn’t your wish? That’s weird the house doesn’t usually get things wrong, but okay. So is this other thing your wish?”

He believes if someone asks for something, that’s what they want, and that’s what they need. And if someone says no. They mean no.

Think back to his situation to Amane.

Take a look at how many toys are in Amane’s bed, toys that are abandoned and cast aside because Amane can’t play with them.

Tsukasa keeps giving him things Amane would ‘want’, unaware it just makes Amane feel worst for being too sick to play with any of it. He is too young to have nuance, not paying attention to what may make Amane worried, just shoving cool things Amane used to play with in his face cause “amane like these things”

Living in the red house only increased this belief, since the house revolves around wishes, giving this idea that following your desires and doing what you want, what you wish for, is natural, something every person does.

This greedy mentality is not natural for Kou, he is different from anyone that would seek the red house.

Tsukasa probably already had a “people should do whatever they want and not hold back!” view as a kid, but he assumed that wasn’t a personal view, it was just how the world work.

Kou is the first person that explicitly challenge this idea, explaining that everything the house showed is something he does want but that he is fine not taking. Making it clear he is holding back even for a child like Tsukasa.

Is actually really interesting that he saw all of Kou’s ‘wishes’ and when Kou straight up asked about his own wish, Tsukasa did not go in detail about Amane. He doesn’t bring him up, he just talks about his situation.

And idk what it means exactly? Maybe he thinks Kou won’t relate, much less understand his wish. Maybe since Tsukasa considers showing interest as a show of love, he is happy Kou ‘like him’ despite Kou's constant show of distrust him, and opens up a bit about himself. I am unsure.

Regardless he seems relatively intrigued by Kou, so Kou being the one to tell him Amane will die young, and challenging his view again, this time about the brother he is obsessed with hit hard.

“Just because you’re twins doesn’t mean you know everything about your brother,” Says the guy that entered the red house and rejected all his wishes, breaking Tsukasa’s idea of how “every person works”

The idea he doesn’t understand Amane sparkles the same kind of intrigue and excitement!

But since he is obsessed with Amane, his interest is way stronger than with Kou, he is delighted!

We have no insight of what he started doing after this, or how he changed while alive with Amane, but we do know something happened and Amane killed him. We also know he is Hanako’s yorishiro and that he is at least in part stuck to the past, still not good at understanding his brother considering he keeps calling him ‘Amane’ after death when everyone else knows he no longer identifies as Amane, but as Hanako. 

We also know his belief people should do as they please, regardless of wrong or right, hasn’t changed.

Though who knows what his goal is as a ghost, after all... Losing pieces of yourself is a very important part of becoming a supernatural.

[theno1joelhater]

emily wokerson. she has blue hair and pronouns. weezer blue. it is her hair color. and eye color. i’ve just decided. now for a somewhat thorough analysis on emily wokerson that’s more headcanon backstory than anything. sources at the end !!!!

as we’ve seen in the emily v rich video (1), emily’s trying to get away from her wealthy heritage, and in the video where ray cist is revealed (2) we see why! sheesh, her dad is ray cist?! did not see that coming at all. still, it provides a probable reason to why she is the way that she is.

now, let’s start off with a fact: emily wokerson hates her father. while he does seem to have the best interests of his daughter (i think) and grandchild at heart (3), he is incredibly racist and homophobic (kinda the point of his chr, but i digress). emily, being a queer person, disapproves of her father’s views. she disapproves of him so much so that she went in the complete opposite direction of him—an insufferable racist to an insufferable twitter user.

not only that: emily is intersex (7). ray, being the little bitch that he is, could’ve hid this from her since birth. based off what we know of his views (hates queer people) ray wouldn’t accept that his child was born intersex. he’s super rich too (2), so i’d imagine he could afford to pay off the doctors into changing the birth records or whatever to say that his kid is female and hide this from her, just like how he hid the fact that emily’s great grandmother is black (4).

speaking of which !!!! that was such a twist. fr tho i genuinely didn’t expect that. but i’m getting off topic here—time to actually discuss this. emily is part black. i wouldn’t imagine it was from her mother’s side, otherwise ray would not go through with the wedding. it must’ve been through ray’s side. but how? how does someone who has a black grandma turn out super racist?

well there good you, i have an explanation! not a great one yes, but it’s better than nothing! so, ray’s grandma is black. that could mean that one side of his family is black, while the other is white. for simplicity’s sake (and in my headcanons), let’s say his mom’s side was black and his father’s side was white. ray was mostly raised by his father’s side of the family. they all disapproved of his father’s marriage, and isolated ray from his parents. they taught him that people that are poc/queer/women/etc are lesser to them. his ideals were passed down from his father’s side. ray cist is nothing but a product of his environment.

so now for emily. she wasn’t raised by her parents—they’re far too busy for that. they’d usually hire someone else to do so, but the people they hire only care about the money. they don’t care for emily much. she was raised by the internet. there she’d form the insufferable views that she has now. one day, she ran away from home with a couple hundred thousand dollars. not like they would notice, they barely spend time with their daughter (they would).

now, back to “theory” work. emily was closer to her mother than her father. i assume this because she took her mother’s last name (1)(3). however she doesn’t associate with them. why? well, i know why!!!

her mom was less outwardly hateful of her views. when emily’s mom was a child, she went through a similar phase (headcanon btw). she’d consider her past self silly and childish, so she treats emily that way. whenever emily airs her grievances on how to use her family’s wealth or her woke-y ways her mom’s all like “haha (but more posh) that’s nice emily. now run along, mommy’s busy.” she still doesn’t like her mom because she constantly ignores her (so neglectfulparentscore) but hates her a lot less than ray. but what would ray do? what was he like as a parent (besides a neglectful piece of shit)?

well, i don’t think i have to say that i have an answer. i think you get it. ray would tell emily her ideas are wrong. ray would try to teach her the “correct” ways like his father’s family did. to ray, what his father’s family taught him was right and emily was wrong. emily is a silly child who doesn’t know right from wrong, and he needs to teach her what’s correct. however, he’s too busy being rich and stuff so he can’t and then emily gets all her opinions from twitter. sucks to suck i guess.

ok switching topics. like i said before, emily ran away from home. not only was the whole culmination of her parents not taking her seriously and other things made her get fed up and she ditched her parents to go find people that share the same beliefs as her—people that understood her—people that wouldn’t treat her like a confused kid. because in my eyes, that’s all emily wants. she wants to be taken seriously instead of some annoying bitch. and timothy’s the only one who does that.

timothy bichboy may be a little bitch (boy), but he’s the only person that actually treats emily like a person. in all her other interactions with others, they see her as a nuisance (don’t believe me? just look at every interaction she’s ever had!). a more specific example is her video with frank leigh, where frank outright calls her annoying (5). in her date with timothy, he actually takes her views seriously and picks a location that she would like (6). timothy actually thought of emily as something other than an annoying bitch. he thought of her as a person. that alone was so much more than what others have done to her. it’s why that despite everything, emily is still with timothy. he cares about her. he would do anything for her. he loves her. emily’s never experienced something quite like that before. emily was neglected by everyone in her life, and whenever she was given attention they always brushed her off as some annoying child. timothy never did that. he always supported her. and thats all emily really wanted in life—support. but even with timothy, emily still seeks out attention.

i propose that the reason for her woke-ness, besides the early internet access, is because of the lack of attention in her childhood (there’s other reasons too, just let me get through this). like i said before, emily’s parents neglected her. the way she dealt with this as a child was through the internet. emily was a very prominent (infamous or not, i’ll let you decide) figure in the online queer community. there, she could talk to people that really understood her. but there was something missing. online attention wasn’t enough—she wanted real connection too—connection that wasn’t through a screen. she wanted real friends, friends that weren’t online. the only thing is that emily didn’t know how. for how big her online presence was, emily was incredibly socially awkward irl. the way she made friends online was through being “woke”, so her online persona and her real life persona slowly blended together until emily wokerson became the person that she is today.

not only that, i believe that her woke ways are emily’s attempt to make up for the past transgressions of her family. as we know, both of her parents are rich as fuck. and as we know from real life, there’s no such thing as an ethical billionaire. we even know ray is a bad person!! he owns a plantation (2)!! ray is also incredibly racist (just look at his name) so that’s not very sigma of him. i wouldn’t be surprised if ray was doing more sketchy shit too (i think it was confirmed that he’s sketchy in 3 but don’t take my word for it). we may not know much of emily’s mom, but she is “distantly related to the royal family” (3), and those guys are not great (imo that is. they’re probably bad people but i don’t want to find a source for that). emily becoming such a loud advocate for minorities is her way of saying sorry to all those that have been affected by her parents.

another thing is that emily desperately wants—no, needs validation (ik this could fall under the paragraph abt her doing this for attention but shut up). growing up with such neglectful, dismissive parents would obviously make her an attention seeker. maybe all this woke behavior is a cry for help. maybe she just wants someone to tell her she’s right and that she’s doing a good job and—oh god am i projecting??

moving on from that, there is someone that tells her all those things. there is someone that gives her all the attention and validation she craves.

yep we’re going back to emily and timothy’s relationship. mostly because i just remembered something. she called timothy needy (4). why is that?

i think you guys already know that im not actually asking a question and its just a segue to the next thing i’ll be talking about. so, like i’ve said before, timothy loves emily. the only thing is we haven’t seen emily reciprocate that much (i might be wrong but idk we barely see it so i think my inference is valid). if anything, she’s sorta an asshole to him (7)(8). timothy could be fed up with emily not reciprocating the affection and is trying to get emily to do so. emily has incredibly high standards for men (like in general. not the dudes she sleeps with) so she’d see this behavior as needy and says she doesn’t have to show her love because society caters to men too much anyways and other bs. eventually, i’d assume timothy would start withdrawing and reconsider their relationship but that’s a fanfic that i will NOT be writing !!! im working on the justin case sequels w the discord (lmk if u wanna join btw) !! i can’t do any more !!

so. anyways we need to talk about the dudes she slept with. bushy beavers and richard rider (and maybe kent taekehent) to be specific. not timothy. we already did him in length.

richard “dick” rider. he only slept with emily as a transition into sleeping with women again (8).

bushy beavers. he only slept with emily because he was evicted and needed someone to stay with (8).

again, i feel like these just goes to show that no one really cares about emily (except timothy). bushy said that he’d only ever sleep with emily for survival (8). i’m not even going to talk about how that’s not great and kind of manipulative. i will however talk about this: he doesn’t even refer to her as a person!! he says “that thing”!!! what the hell, man !!! richard doesn’t say anything explicitly rude to emily herself (in the baby daddy video that is), but he did sorta use her for his benefit and that’s not great. sleeping with someone just so you can get back into women? not very nice, dick.

so. kent. there’s not much to say with him, so i’ll keep it short. emily is not interested in him, but he goes after her anyways. why? because to him, women are shy and are scared to admit their feelings and it’s his job to help him get them out of their shells. there’s not much to say about his relationship with emily, because there is basically nothing to say that i haven’t already. kent wants emily, but emily doesn’t want him. something i find interesting is that it’s sort of implied that him and emily did…something together (7). idk what because im dumb and don’t get this kinda stuff but eh. take that as you will.

also here’s the real reason i brought up the baby daddy hunt: why did emily sleep with them? we know why they slept with emily, but why did she agree to do it?

well, it’s like i said before: emily desperately wants to be loved. and timothy, while a good partner to her at the time, seems to be wearing her down (7)(8). in her more recent videos with timothy, she’s very snippy with him, often yelling at him. emily could be tired of timothy and instead of breaking up with him, she cheats on him instead. and she knows timothy’ll be fine with it because he’s all about empowering women and other bs.

now. going deeper with emily wokerson (9). it’s time. here, emily further cements her beliefs. again, richard doesn’t say anything explicitly mean to emily, he just finds fallacies in her logic.

the fact that he could find cracks in her reasoning shows that they’re not very solid. emily may be a loud advocate for minorities, but she doesn’t think out her reasons for doing so that much. she may say that she believes in the stuff she spouts, but her heart isn’t there. this further shows that emily’s beliefs are all just attention seeking behaviors from the lack of attention she received in her childhood.

so uh tldr? that one mitski lyric that’s like “and i was so young when i behaved 25, and now i find i’ve grown into a tall child” is weirdly fitting for emily.

also her mom’s name is ann t. wokerson because why not. it’s fitting. that and i’m taking a break from stuff bc of the discord justin case sequel. sorry cgcu fans of tumblr

1. https://youtu.be/Le6vcr8x3fA?si=Jb6QavtlmeKtFDvt

2. https://youtu.be/Fg2G_fsBfHY?si=gF8288mThqSkbDK2

3. https://youtu.be/S26wKPLPPBU?si=LvOoViEhGZwXBlH4

4. https://youtu.be/b3lNRmKQOBY?si=43okb_55MuFZUHa3

5. https://youtu.be/Wf57O9jEA-M?si=nYWcY9cIpV7DtVjb

6. https://youtube.com/shorts/V-izUYGH71I?si=lcaGji8B7VRD82SL

7. https://youtu.be/9yAAJBv8Zbc?si=P7ngDJbszdlZqkQK

8. https://youtu.be/ps42cY606Qg?si=R5Ir_3G5Rc-RYWI3

9. https://youtu.be/v8Kf7_ktgc4?si=yWD28fOF2z8WA-u-

[wackymaci]

PRESENTING.,,, A FULLY CANON CONVO: “ChalBel looks for loki (lmfao)/ and RETURNS HIM”

hey what if…. I just post the entire thing.

hm :)c (yes that’s the formal archive title^)

QUICK NOTES BEFORE YOU READ ALL THIS🥹

1. SEND A MINDREADER AFTER THE GOD OF LIES????? god it should have ALWAYS been set to happen this way!!

2. Once upon a time I said that i feel bad for never wholly portraying Bel in my art and posts due to the fact that Bel’s moments are usually up against Chal, who’s a chaotic mess, and so Bel always seems really calm and stoic when compared to her. THIS conversation is the most perfect, perfect, peak Bel showcase completely. please view the MOST Married Couple of All Time, they are SOOOO

3. a special thank you (as ALWAYS) to fenixe (who is not even here fgkFGK) - as we all know, fenixe and I never PLAN anything OoC together and even when shit happens we’re never conferencing about , like. intention. so for her to SO COMPLETELY AND ACCURATELY clock exactly what Loki’s doing (through Bel, mindreader!!) is so,, chefs kiss. THE ELYSIUM HIVEMIND??? We don’t OoC conference because we don’t NEED TOOOO LMAOOO-

4. Format is in fact spacier and slightly weird due to just being a full copypaste of the thread. I’m actually not going to post this as screenshots cause it is SOOOOOOOOOO LONG and. I can’t decide where to cut and paste. so… so!! hghhh this is why I do screenshots cause *i* hate when it’s formatted like this but whateverrrrrrr I’ll get over it. that being said I went ahead and bolded names idk if that’s easier to read or???

5. Obviously don’t reblog this lol

6. pls enjoy. HHHHHHGHHG-

~*~

Chal: -curled with Bel-

Libby: -wanders to-

Chal: Hi. How was your cult meeting?

Libby: Um, it was good…

Bel: -quiet- -petting Chal-

Libby: Can you go look for Loki for us?

Chal: …Who, me?

Libby: Uh-huh.

Chal: …Me specifically? What? Why?

Bel: I’ll go with you.

Chal: -glances between- Wh— huh? How is that my fucking job?

Libby: -flutters wings- We think Loki may be hiding in the pocket voids around here—no one else really knows how to get to them, so…

Chal: What do you mean he’s hiding?

Libby: ‘Cause the baby, and…

Chal: What do you mean the baby?

Bel: He’s pregnant.

Chal: He’s pregnant?

Libby: Yeah, so he ran away. We’re trying to find him, he.

Libby: -small voice- He um, Tory and Maci are really upset. Well, everyone’s really upset.

Chal: The fuck do Tory and Maci care?

Libby: Um…

Bel: Tory’s the other parent.

Chal: …Is he hiding from Maci?

Bel: I don’t think so? They’re on good terms now.

Chal: What am I supposed to do if I find him?

Libby: Bring him home.

Chal: -scoffs- He’s not gonna fucking listen to me.

Bel: If he doesn’t listen, should we call you?

Libby: Uh-huh. Me, or… Rane’s always in charge, or maybe Fen…

Chal: Whoa whoa whoa what if he flips out at me? What if he fucking turns me into a baby again?!

Bel: I’ll poof you away if I hear him thinking about it.

Libby: Please, Chal? He’s my mom, and no one else knows knows how to get into the voids.

Chal: Maybe I don’t even fucking know how to get into those anymore, it’s been a long fucking time since…

Libby: Chal pleeee-ase.

Chal: -frowns- -quiet-

Chal: -mumbles- Okay fine.

Bel: -takes Chal’s hand-

Libby: -hugs Chal- Thank you thank you.

Chal: -mumbles- Whatever.

Chal: -squeezes Bel’s hand- -poofs with-

Bel: -laces fingers-

Chal: What’s the fucking plan here? Should we have come up with a plan? What the fuck are I supposed to say if we actually find him?

Chal: This is so stupid. These things are like, all over the place. There’s so many of them and they all look the same. I don’t have a map. Only Loki has a map, maybe.

Bel: I guess just, say that his kids want him to come home?

Chal: -runs hands over face- Gods fuck oh my gods fuck. Yeah, ‘cause we’re gonna be the ones he’s gonna be thrilled to see. Fuck me oh my gods fuck this.

Chal: -curls wings- -sighs- …Well, he’s not in this one.

Bel: -looking around- How many of these are there?

Chal: Yeah, that’s the other thing— I have no idea. Tens? Hundreds? Thousands?

Chal: -poofs with-

Chal: …Probably not thousands. That seems like a lot.

Bel: I guess we’ll keep looking?

Chal: -small nod-

Chal: They’re not even nice to be in, they’re empty, they’re unsettling. Like accidentally ending up behind the fucking scenes or something.

Chal: -sighs- How long has Loki even been hiding for?

Bel: I’m not sure. I didn’t hear it.

Chal: But you heard Libby’s meeting? Did they all offer me up as sacrifice to Loki’s rage?

Bel: -shakes head- They wanted your help because you can navigate these places.

Bel: -pauses-

Bel: And they wanted me with you to do the talking if we find him.

Chal: …Oh. That makes more sense, he might listen to you. Definitely not me.

Chal: -poofs with-

Chal: What if he turns you into a baby?

Bel: I’ll, um.

Bel: I’ll try not to let it go there.

Chal: -stops- …Loki used to— Loki was a fucking, supervillain. Isn’t Loki fucking dangerous? Is this dangerous?

Chal: Is he going crazy in a fit of fucking rage? What if we have to fight him?

Chal: I, I can’t win against him in a fight. I don’t even know if I know how to fight anymore and I can’t do magic.

Bel: He hasn’t been overtly malicious in a long while.

Chal: Maybe he turned “overtly malicious” while he was running away. Maybe he’s gonna be in a real overtly malicious fucking mood about me and you trying to talk to him. Um, you trying to talk to him.

Bel: Still, it’s… We got asked to look for him by his kids. It’s important we try.

Chal: -mumbles- We don’t have to… Ugh, I guess.

Chal: You knew he was gonna have a baby…?

Bel: -nods- I heard it, but he didn’t want me to tell anyone.

Chal: Oh, shit.

Chal: -poofs with- -looking around-

Chal: And no one else knew? For like, a long fucking time?

Bel: No one but Tory and Maci, I guess.

Chal: -gives look- …And you and Ty.

Bel: Not on purpose.

Chal: Hmph.

Chal: How long am I supposed to keep going through the voids for? What if he’s not even in any of these? We could be here fucking forever. Who’s gonna put N to bed?

Bel: I guess when we need to put N to bed, we can stop.

Chal: -sulks- And then just, back at it tomorrow and every fucking day forever?

Chal: What if he hides for nine months?

Bel: If it’s too much labor, well…

Bel: We do have a daughter to take care of.

Chal: Right. Exactly, yeah. We do. I’m not taking N into the voids, so…

Chal: …-quieter- Is, um. Is Libby really upset?

Bel: She’s worried, mostly.

Chal: -sighs-

Chal: -mumbles- I’m sure Loki would probably come back on his own eventually…

Bel: Probably, but…

Bel: Well, he’s at risk for complications. If he’s not able to use his magic or get help…

Chal: Oh… Oh, that’s…

Chal: -frowns- Why… why’d he fucking leave then?

Bel: I don’t know.

Bel: Habit, or nerves?

Chal: -squints- That doesn’t make any sense. If he’s nervous about complications why banish himself to the fucking, middle of nowhere where no one can even get to him?

Chal: …Does Loki have anxiety?

Bel: -nods- A ton of it, actually.

Chal: -stops- Huh. …Seriously?

Bel: Yeah.

Chal: He could try therapy. He made me fucking do it.

Bel: -small smile- Maybe when he’s back home, you can suggest it.

Chal: Yeah, right. If he’s not mad enough at me for trying to find him, then that’ll do it for fucking sure…

Bel: -quiet-

Chal: -squeezes hand- -mumbles- This is so stupid. I mean, he could be in any of these. He could even be anywhere.

Bel: -soft sigh-

Chal: -poofs with-

Chal: Maybe he’s not even in here at all. Who said he was hiding here in the first place? If no one knows how to get in then how—

Loki: -looks at-

Chal: -stops short-

Bel: Oh—

Chal: -stutters- Oh, fuck—

Loki: -raises eyebrow- -faintly- Interesting.

Loki: -gestures to poof-

Bel: Wait!

Loki: -snarls- What.

Bel: You—

Bel: -runs hands over face- Ugh.

Chal: …Holy fuck you’re really fucking pregnant—

Loki: -eyeroll- -poofs-

Bel: Aaaaagh fuck you fuck you come back.

Chal: -sputters- That is SO pregnant! What happens if he has a baby in here?! Do you know how to deliver a baby?!

Chal: -clutches at- What if we find him again and he’s having a baby?

Bel: I-I mean, he knows how, so I could read his mind and figure it out…

Chal: I don’t—

Chal: -small noise- -poofs with-

Chal: -spins all around- -deflates- Fuck, fuck, it’s empty.

Bel: Maybe he’s still close?

Chal: Okay. Okay.

Chal: Okay if we find him again what do we do.

Bel: I’ll try to talk to him.

Bel: Like, actually talk.

Chal: Okay, fuck, okay.

Chal: Okay, lemme— -poofs with-

Chal: -frustrated groan- -poofs again-

Chal: -goes to poof- …. -freezes- Oh—

Loki: -sighs- -dryly- Oh, you’re after me, is that it? Here I thought I might be interrupting date night.

Bel: Shitokayokay—

Bel: Look, your children asked us to help find you.

Bel: They want you home.

Loki: -face falls slightly- -tucks arm around belly- -composes self-

Loki: Well, you can let them know you’ve found me. That I’m quite well. That I love them dearly.

Loki: …-frowns- That I don’t want to return, which they ought to know.

Bel: Why??

Bel: Everyone — Tory, Maci, your family, they’re upset.

Bel: They miss you.

Loki: -swallows hard- -petting belly-

Loki: Ah, well. You see, it’s simply because—

Loki: -gives look- -poofs-

Bel: WAIT—

Chal: NO!

Chal: -fidgets- D-do we keep going or pass a message?

Bel: Keep going!

Bel: All the fucking teleporting is making me nauseous, it’s fucking personal now, just go!

Chal: -scrambles- -poofs-

Loki: Don’t you have better things to do?

Chal: -startles- Oh shit, there you— Do the voids all go in— order?

Loki: Would you like a map? Would that be easier for you?

Bel: Oh my gods, just fucking listen!

Bel: Why are you even here? You know full well you’re just making yourself worse being all alone; what happened to not up and disappearing for this child?

Loki: -witty retort dies- -falters slightly-

Bel: And your kids figured out what’s wrong on their own — I didn’t tell anyone — because you always. fucking. do this.

Chal: -clutching Bel- -staring between-

Loki: None of this concerns you. Neither of you.

Chal: Bullshit, Libby misses you too.

Bel: Yeah, it does! My sister-in-law’s missing her fucking dad.

Loki: -evenly- I believe I’m designated Libby’s mother, thank you very much.

Bel: Ohmygods, it’s semantics.

Loki: -waves hand- I’ll return eventually. My children can come to me. When there aren’t search parties I can— they know this. They know I’ll always…

Bel: Fucking hell, they’re worried you’re gonna get hurt.

Bel: Wasn’t that the whole point of staying home? You’ve got support if something happens?

Bel: Fucking off to a hidey-void is familiar, I get it, but it’s not safer.

Loki: I won’t be hurt.

Loki: -glaring daggers- And it feels safer.

Loki: I don’t need support, this endless charade. I can handle myself, myself. I j-just— I just need time to— -falters-

Loki: -swallows- -viciously- Being chased through liminal spaces isn’t helpful, either.

Bel: Time to what? Sabotage your relationships because they can’t abandon you if you do it first, on your terms?

Loki: -breath hitches- -visible flinch-

Loki: -snarls- -POOFS-

Chal: -coughs- The dramatic smoke wasn’t necessary, can you not piss him off into exploding—

Bel: -yelling- GO TO FUCKING THERAPY.

Chal: -poofs with-

Loki: Now you’re really starting to irritate me.

Bel: You’re irritated? I’m irritated!

Loki: You’re welcome to leave!

Bel: I’m not done yelling at you!

Bel: Tory thinks he’s done something wrong and who’s gotta listen to his head? Me!

Loki: -pales slightly- —Gods I told him it wasn’t personal, th-that none of this would be…

Bel: You’re fairly well known for lying.

Loki: -sneers- Well, then there’s what happened for “not up and disappearing with this child,” your answer in turn.

Bel: Bullshit, I know this is your other bit: you’re also well-known for acquiring nice situations, getting nervous about something happening to the nice situation, and then you create a catastrophe because if the nice thing you have is gonna go up in flames, at least it’s on your terms.

Bel: How will you know if people give a shit about you if you never give them a chance?

Loki: -opens mouth- -closes-

Loki: -blinking furious tears- -poofs-

Chal: -breathless- I think you’re fucking winning, -poofs after-

Loki: -frustrated groan- This seems like all just a lot of fuss for no reason.

Loki: They’ve others to occupy their time— They can fuck the clones, if they’re so deprived. Tell them I said so.

Chal: Aagh, gods.

Bel: What do you mean, no reason? Your children want you home, Tory and Maci want you home, Rane’s made a fucking council to figure out where you went.

Loki: Rane’s always making councils, it’s her favorite hobby.

Chal: You keep swerving around all the fucking subjects.

Loki: -glares at- -icily- No reason, as my children can come and go to find me as they see fit, for visits if they wish. All these theatrics, sprung upon me before I’d a chance to find them. Tory and Maci—

Loki: -voice wobbles slightly- …Are f… furious, I’m sure, and I won’t return to be in the line of fire.

Loki: And Rane just likes gathering councils. There, all your subjects.

Bel: I’m not stupid. You think Tory and Maci will blow up if you come back?

Bel: Your children don’t even know where you are; it’s why we found you.

Bel: Everyone misses you and wants you safe. Go home.

Loki: You must understand this was all very impromptu. I didn’t mean… I didn’t… I would have sent for my children, I didn’t get a chance to— I’d never leave them—

Loki: I-In the meantime, Maci and Tory will find another fifty things to be angry about beyond myself and the turmoil I’ve caused; eventually I can fall further from out of their graces and into irrelevance, I— I’ll return when tempers are cooled, once they’ve moved on.

Bel: Tempers never went off! They’re worried, not angry. You’re creating scenarios in your head, and that’s the only place they exist.

Bel: If you care about them at all, you’ll cut it out with the borderline behavior and stop sabotaging the relationship you built.

Loki: -hugging belly- -stares away from-

Loki: You’re utterly naive if you think I could just, what, waltz back? Popped out for a quick break? Pretend it never happened, fall back to— the normalcy that— the way I— we’d—

Loki: And say it does and I dissolve into panic again and—

Loki: —Oh for gods’ sake, might we all sit in a circle and discuss our feelings here? Might we all be better off? Begone with this. Let me be.

Bel: You literally can. Just go back.

Loki: I won’t. I won’t return to collapse again— and again, again. They ought to have known what they’d— I’d warned them. Their own stupidity if they’d chosen bare optimism instead.

Loki: -sneers- And you can pass that message along, as well. -goes to poof-

Loki: -green fizzles- -goes nowhere-

Chal: -startles- …O-oh, shit…?

Loki: …-closes eyes- -SIGHS-

Bel: Out of juice?

Loki: -withering glare- -yes-

Chal: -holds out panicky hands- Are you gonna— have the, fucking baby?

Loki: …No, Chal.

Bel: It’s fucking with his magic.

Loki: -snaps at- Perhaps it’s merely a side effect of hauling myself and a large, developing mystery, to travel rapidfire across many, many difficult to reach pockets in succession.

Loki: I was quite comfortable where you’d found me. Quiet. Alone, peaceful. A bed that wasn’t sweltering, no impossible expectations looming over my head. Functioning magic, m-mostly. Here we are, a million voids later.

Chal: Shit, it is fucking with you? You look all— sweaty.

Loki: Just go away.

Bel: Fine, it’s not like I have much else to say to you—

Bel: -lunges for Loki- -poofs with-

Loki: -struggles away from- -PREGNANT AND AWKWARD- -snarling- How DARE you, you’ll pay for this I swear it—

Chal: -yelling- No the fuck he won’t, he’s fucking helping your stupid ass anyway!

Bel: -poofs back to palace-

Loki: -crumples to knees- -trying not to cry-

Loki: -folds over belly-

Libby: -gasps- You actually found—?!

Bel: Yeah, somehow.

Bel: Also fuck him, he kept teleporting from pocket to pocket.

Chal: I-I think we’re all dizzy and nauseous, really fucking fun, fucking asshole—

Libby: Are you okay?! Are you— -kneels to Loki- A-are you, okay, the baby…?

Loki: -hangs head- The baby’s okay, I…

Loki: -tears streaming- -whispers- Please don’t call your siblings, they shouldn’t s-see me in this state.

Loki: You won, let me be.

Libby: I…

Chal: -beseeches Tory-

Tory: -poofs-

Chal: -points-

Tory: -pauses-

Loki: -hunches into ball- -choked sob-

Libby: -hovers- The, the baby’s okay, he said…

Tory: -quiet- -pets Chal’s shoulder-

Chal: -stumbles back against Tory- S, sorry I don’t know if I— maybe I shouldn’t have called you if, b-but he said not the kids and Bel and me already spent too much time fucking yelling at him in the voids and I don’t, uhh…

Tory: -kisses top of head- You did really good.

Chal: -beams slightly- Bel did better.

Tory: You’re a team.

Chal: -BEAMS MORE- -squeezes Bel’s hand-

Chal: Please don’t let him fucking kill us.

Tory: -crouches by Loki-

Loki: -sobbing in heap- -trembling-

Tory: -pets-

Loki: -coughs- -sobs-

Chal: -inches closer to Bel- H-his um, he couldn’t teleport… Maybe the baby, we dunno.

Tory: -squeezes Loki’s shoulder- Stand up.

Loki: -tears streaming- -sniffling- -shakes head-

Loki: …-struggles up anyway- -holding belly-

Loki: -can’t look at-

Tory: -hugs Loki-

Loki: -stiffens- … -sobs- -crumples into-

Tory: -rubbing back-

Loki: -trembling-

Libby: I-I um, I’ll tell everyone that he… I-I’ll tell them to see you tomorrow, if…

Libby: You’re… staying, right? You’re not leaving again tomorrow?

Loki: -small voice- -hoarse- I’ll b-be here.

Tory: -brushes hair out of face-

Loki: -small sob- -stares into floor-

Tory: You’re okay?

Loki: -shakes head-

Tory: Do you want to sit down?

Loki: -wobbly nod- -not looking at-

Chal: -like watching a trainwreck- -backs away-

Chal: -so awkward- Do you— you can— have our room if, we’ll all go s-someplace else if you, have to cry on the floor or, something.

Tory: -guides Loki to couch- I’ll take care of him.

Chal: -nodnodnod- -grabs Bel/Libby- -mutters- I need to fucking lie down. We’re walking to bed, I’m teleporting zero more times tonight.

~*~

aaaaand..,,, scene

thanks for reading<3 yknow…. I hope posting these threads (pieces, whole parts) provides some insight into why I’m the way I am with elysium lmfao

AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

[skayafair]

Petulant Children

Apparently I have an especially soft spot for insufferable kids characters who are in fact just... lost, aren't treated properly by their parents or sort of remotely parental figures and go completely south as a result?

Like Yellow from Malevolent or Jamie from Give Me Away.

Because they behave like they are terrible (and that's the opinion of other characters, too) but in fact they aren't bad at all?

(Funny thing is that they both are from podcasts about headmates of sorts.)

I don't think I need to say anything about Yellow (but of course I'm still going to). It's not exactly a "parent-child" situation and I actually hate the implication that Arthur shaped him completely (and Larson just continued to hone the traits he needed). Like hello, even with amnesia there was some personality in there, Yellow just didn't have enough time to sit and take everything in, gain various experiences to make more informed judgement. John did have this time while Arthur was in a coma. He had time ON HIS OWN to remember and process himself (not as in remember his past - just... himself, what kind of a person he feels he is and what he wants). Yes the result changed him into something completely new but some core things like curiousity stayed intact. He can still be violent, he's still very much murder happy if it means survival, he snaps easily, and he hates lying. Everything that made the King - the King, a dangerous and at times vicious god, is still there. He only changed the point of view, and the rest followed.

Yellow didn't have this opportunity. Arthur was snapping at him and telling him what he was supposed to be (and failed time and again) all the time, cutting many curious questions short (Arthur really is father of the year huh), so any positive traits - positive, joyful for Yellow himself - didn't have much room to grow. Hatred, though... and then there was Larson who didn't even have to make much effort manipulating his rage and hurt to get what he wanted. It's not every day you get to use an eldritch god, amirite? Gods I hate Larson so much

So what do you get when one doesn't remember his past, only some very, very terrible and frightening things he managed to escape, then he's constantly berated, and when he rightfully feels fury, it's being fueled more and more, - AND not a moment to himself, on his own? Exactly. Yellow does say and do terrible things, but... it's not because he's evil or vicious. He's conditioned to behave this way.

Now, to Give Me Away.

Jamie in ep 9 (I'm in the middle of it but needed to dump my thoughts and emotions somewhere first because there were too many) acted completely on impulse, I get it, and it's more because she wants to be a hero and by that to prove to her mom and sibling and to everyone else she is as good as Thalia or even BETTER. I know. It's a very selfish impulse. But it a) doesn't change the fact that she's still trying to save everyone's lives and b) values her life LESS than validation from her family and people around, and this is fucking tragic. I just want to hug this kid (yes I'm 31 so I'm allowed to say a 22 yo is a kid, more so when she behaves like one) and get her some therapy, gods know she needs it (and will probably resist kicking and screaming so she needs to see the necessity herself first).

I mean. Whatever the reasoning, she can still die.

And yet she's going along with the plan.

Although she's really her father's daughter, and I'd say she at least developed SOME spite. Graham is so detached I have to wonder at times if he's even there at all, it feels like most the time he would be happy to surrender the body and mind to Joshua completely, unless one of the triggers like Jamie is up. The way it feels... Graham wouldn't mind being in a computer, probably. Just exploring stuff and thinking it over. He already spent most the time inside his head by the time of the divorce. He's pretty desperate because he doesn't know what to do with his life, to the point when it feels like he doesn't want to live all that much in general but dying is a bit extra for him, too. One of the rare cases when I want to say "Grow some balls ffs!" but then can't get rid if the thought that if he did he might have killed himself, which is... no.

Jamie is wrecking havoc wherever she goes, appears to not care about morals much, but in fact she's just as empty inside and desperate to be SOMETHING, something meaningful. Graham finds fulfilment in his inner values, so he actually doesn't care much what everyone else thinks - as long as it's meaningful enough by his own standards, it's enough. Jamie seeks outside approval. In any case, they both are wrecked mentally.

Having BPD, I know how it feels. I really feel for them both, their cases are pretty extreme exactly because they didn't find the ways? didn't search? didn't have an opportunity? to fix those neural paths to fill the yearning void inside in a non-harmful way. That's why their cases are tragic to me. Instead of making their choice out of pure moral values and desire to save others they want to save themselves this way. Only it isn't gonna work.

The more I listened, the more the pressure inside grew: I want to scream at Graham sometimes that he's not getting better this way, he's only digging his pit much, much deeper. And now Jamie does the same, although in a different way. They both don't need to do what they are doing, they need help. It's painful to listen.

I don't know why Give Me Away strikes me so much. I didn't have such a visceral emotional reaction to stories for quite a while.

Also Joshua should be thankful for Graham because he really needed that mental slap. Being too full of himself is a road to ruin, and his hubris can bury not just himself but all his people along with him, and then some.

[tom-bones]

hiya. sorry to bring this to you, but apparently that's where the discourse is happening.

i'm M, i hate social media and i've known Nosferatu for roughly 15 years now. IRL. and i made a blog/profile/account/whatever it's called because the amount of dumbass propaganda being spread about them is fucking ridiculous.

they are severely traumatized, suicidal, have a terrible view of themself because of mental and emotional abuse they've endured for years. and they have multiple fucking personality disorders without a way to get to a professional because their mom can't afford it and their dad is a neglectful asshole who couldn't keep it in his pants and decided to abandon them at age 4, doing only the bare fucking minimum since. and trying to get out of even that however he can. their parents flicker between loving and self-centered to the point where they can't fucking talk to them without their anxiety spiking up.

we've grown up together. i know and trust them with my life. they were the one fighting my homophobic grandmother when i came out. they've been my anchor for years before my family had to move abroad for unrelated reasons, which only let us get on calls and text. i've seen them at some really serious fucking lows. and they are hitting one of those right now because some assholes never bothered to communicate with them and blamed them for everything wrong that happened to them on this fucking website. and because you idiots never bothered to actually ask or talk to them, choosing to believe said assholes.

calling them manipulative is absolutely ridiculous. i've been on call with them multiple times, trying to talk them out of hurting themself while they were screaming and crying. i've got a text from their mom, in a rare "loving mommy" moment at 2 AM last night about how they tried to fucking skin their forearm to get rid of their ghost tattoo. a tattoo that they were so excited about, it was like seeing them healed for the first few days after they got it. but you claim it's "suicide baiting" because they didn't fucking succeed? because they were fucking stopped?

there was one person Nosferatu ever manipulated. a teacher in their high school, who mentally abused his students. despite being one of the favorite students, they put themself against him and then managed to make it look like he was being overly dramatic, making him leave the students alone until they finished school. they only time they ever manipulated anyone, all to defend their classmates. but you idiots would rather believe jackasses who never bothered to try and reach out? seriously?

they're autistic and poorly socialized. they're social awareness sucks, especially with strangers. what they saw as "bullying" was just friendly banter to Nosferatu. and none of them ever bothered to message them and fucking say they feel off. they need to be called out, yes, but not like this. simply informing them that they sound mean to them would solve the fucking situation. but no, it's easier to make a big exit post and claim they abused them and manipulated the rest of the group (who can think for themselves, btw) because it fits your narrative, doesn't it? you people will jump at any opportunity to bully someone, and then when they manage to get pulled back from almost ending it all, you claim they're baiting. and when they try to explain themself, not fucking knowing what exactly they're accused of, you call them a fucking narcissist? for a completely reasonable reaction?

and you know what they did after they found out why you all suddenly started spamming them death threats? reached out to the other group in an attempt to explain the situation. and they did so via discord group chat that i watched through a shared screen, trying to calm them down. and guess what, assholes. they apologized, owned up to everything and explained themself to them. and in return, they got acknowledgement, but nothing else. no apologies for painting them to be this evil mastermind, no clarification, nothing. so i'll throw an accusation of my own and say that they actually wanted Nosferatu to suffer. all because they were too bitchy to communicate, and Nosferatu wasn't. they reached out to them, because suddenly after months of not interacting, suddenly people were accusing them of being abusive and making people quit.

i'll throw in another accusation, actually. in the group chat, they claimed they're not quitting because of Nosferatu, but rather the backlash they were getting from anons. but they failed to mention that in the post, just to make sure Nosferatu ended up looking like a monster who ruined everything for them. they wanted you to hate Nosferatu, all because they got the wrong impression and never bothered with talking to them.

Nosferatu is absolutely fucking harmless unless they have an actual reason to be an asshole. they act terrible to people who hurt their friends, such as when you idiot anons starting shit with the Sister Rose person. they do so because it's the only defense mechanism that works with their family and their own abusers. they do it whenever they break down mentally. they push people away. they act terrible to make sure nobody can hurt them at their moment of weakness.

they had to turn off the ask function completely. they had to back out of roleplay. they're scared of talking to anyone because there's a risk you fucking idiots will go out of your way to abuse the person they spoke to or you'll start spreading more lies like you did here. i'm not going to tolerate shit like this about the person who already struggles with their mental state and emotions and who is only finally getting the help they need because they earn their own money through a summer job. that they have to work for 12 hours a day.

go fuck yourselves, all of you. you lead to Nosferatu almost ruining all their relationships out of fear. you made them want to skin themself, and if it wasn't for their mother, they'd be in the hospital because of all of you now. if not dead. you've ruined a hobby, a passion and a fandom they loved so dearly. you made them despise their special interest, because you've made them feel unwelcome. and why? because the people you've been fighting for decided to manipulate you and make Nosferatu look fucking evil.

funny how you all defend actually manipulative people by calling someone who barely interacted with them a manipulative narcissist. if you ever actually spoke to them, you'd know they're not a monster you all seem to want them to be. they're scared. defensive. because they're getting a bunch of fucking accusations out of nowhere, with everyone expecting them to know what happened when they have no fucking clue.

fortunately, i'm gonna be able to come to visit them relatively soon and you bet your sorry asses i will get them to roleplay again. because it made them happy. they would go on about new storylines and how excited they were. i'm not gonna let you take my friend's happiness away like this again, all because you clearly don't have functioning brains and can't think for yourselves.

you're all abusers. you're all bullies. and the fact that you just believed those people without using your abilities of critical thinking is fucking unbelievable. people like you are why i avoid social media. a bunch of brainless assholes, jumping at an opportunity to be pieces of shit to people just because.

PS: learn how to tell apart a fucking character from a real person. they literally stopped using a name and assigned it to their roleplay character just to avoid confusion, and yet you morons still can't tell it apart.

// please read with caution. i won’t add much commentary, but i feel this post is very important to share so people, especially the anon haters, can get a clearer picture of what’s been happening in both nosferatu’s life and the rp community in the ghost fandom. tobias would be appalled by all this. the people who sent nosferatu death threats should be ashamed. you guys claim she’s evil when in reality you guys are acting like fucking jerks toward them. anyways, this post explains itself pretty well. the anon haters need to get a fucking life.

[disappearinginq]

You ever get to the point in a show, where you’re not sure if you’re accurately seeing what’s really there, or if there’s so much influence from fandoms and headcanons that it permanently skews your point of view? 

I’m still watching Yellowstone, though at this point, I don’t know why. It’s edging towards Game of Thrones level of “There Are No Likeable Characters Why Am I Watching This?”

I used to really like Beth. Honestly, I did. But the more I rewatched it, and the more that the story progresses, the more I just want to slap the shit out of her, because she is a modern day Antigone, and it’s driving me up the wall. 

I am more than willing to admit that a huge chunk of that is because I personally hate the narrative of the only love you can have is for your spouse, or your biological family. Like somehow sharing DNA or a bed is the only way you can ‘truly’ love someone. Because fuck that narrative. I don’t see my biological family except once every 20 years (a few, next time I see them, will be their funeral, because they’re twats). My godchildren have no biolgical ties to me whatsoever, and my parents treat them like their grandchildren. I love them as if they were my own. I have never, ever wanted biological kids but I want to adopt at some point, and I will go to jail for assault and battery if anyone ever tried to tell me the vile crap they spew on TV shows regarding adoption. 

But at this point, I want Beth dead. I want her dead, and I don’t want a miracle walk away, because I draw the line at threatening children, especially toddlers. I don’t give a fuck what happened - this does not make the case of ‘Well, Beth would be nicer if she had her own kids’ because we’ve seen she absolutely would not. She’s undiagnosed schizophrenic psychopath at this point. The beginning of the season she’s telling her father he needs to move on from his wife, which is fucking hilarious given that she has sabotaged every attempt at a relationship her father has like some deranged Elektra complex with the justification that ‘they’re not my mother, and they can never compare’ (up to and including arranging to have one of the women thrown into prison for 10 years). She has a husband who loves unconditionally, and has point blank said he doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t even like dogs. She winds up with a teenager that comes to live at the ranch that desperately wants her to be his mom, she has a job whenever she needs one, her father loves her and still - she is a fucking horrible human being. The kid she ‘adopts’ - she and Rip throw him in the basement, and the first time she gets mad at him, she assaults him in a store, and another mother films her and threatens to call CPS (which she should’ve anyways) and the mother is shown as the nosy-busybody Karen who should mind her own business. Beth has the patience of a honey badger on meth. She has zero impulse control. None of which would magically be fixed if she had a biological child. 

But that seems to be where the narrative is heading. Like oh, it’s because of her brother that she’s this upset/unhinged/self-loathing....if ONLY SHE COULD REPRODUCE, SHE WOULD BE FULFILLED. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding me. And everything in the fandom is how great Beth is, and how relatable she is, and then going through fanfic, the she’s written so completely out of character you would assume that it was a mis-labelled AU, and it makes me wonder if we’re watching the same show. If the character they’re writing is what they identify with, they’re not the same person, and the more I watch the show trying to see what they see, the more I know we’re not watching the same thing. 

At this point, if Jamie doesn’t eventually snap and kill her or at least hit her with the car, I will be amazed.  

[zeroseuniverse]

Symphony

Summary: Old feelings rising when she needs a place to stay after a domestic issue

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse (Not Chan), Mentions of stalking kind of, Mentions of bad parenting.

"Hey guys do you mind if my friend comes to stay with us for the month?" Chan wondered as he reread the message from his mother.

"Wait what?" Hyunjin wondered, looking at the elder man a bit confused.

"My mom texted me saying that my friend is currently trying to get away from Australia for a bit, and asked if I could take her in for the month while everything gets sorted."

"And your friend didn't ask because?" Changbin wondered a bit confused as to why the person hadn't asked him directly.

"She hates asking for help, so it must've been serious if she ran to my mom." Chan explained, the boys grew a bit concerned for the girls safety, not sure if Chan was exaggerating but looking at his expression, they didn't think he was.

"Can we meet her over the phone first? That way we're not taken by surprise by anything." Han wondered a bit about a person staying with them, everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Yea, and don't worry I'll take the couch for the month. She can have my room so you don't have to worry about walking out on her sleeping and trying not to wake her up." Chan noted making everyone smile a bit at his consideration.

Chan called Ember first only to have the call declined making him sigh, so he FaceTimed his mother

"Hello?"

"Is she with you mom?" Chan wondered, earning a nod from the woman who was wearily watching the woman she saw as a daughter cry in her actual daughter's arms. "Can I speak to her?"

"Honey, Chan would like to talk to you, is that okay?"

"Channie?" He heard her broken voice asked, making his heart break momentarily, however his whole heart was crushed when she came into view of the camera and he saw her teary eyes.

"Hey flame, want to tell me what happened?" He said not knowing if he should have this conversation in front of his friends but he figured he'd cross that bridge later he was more concerned with her situation.

"He showed up at my work, he grabbed me super tight and tugged me to the ground. My coworker Zane threw him off but when I got home that night he was there, he wrecked everything and when I pulled out my phone to call the police he took that and broke it. He choked me until my neighbor finally came in and hit him with his cane. Said he had called the cops and if he didn't want to get arrested he had to leave. I ran to your mom's house as soon as the police were done with me, I told her not to worry you though." She mumbled the last bit, turning her head to look at the older woman who was smiling sheepishly, however that wasn't where his attention was, he could now see the bruising on her neck and he was furious.

"I want you on the next flight to South Korea." He blurted, making her look back at him in confusion.

"I can't just leave Chan, I have my office and my dads going to be pissed."

"I don't care, your dad is the reason you're in this mess in the first place, and you're obviously not safe at the office. Get a new office here and we can go from there. You can stay here and take my room." He pleaded and the boys honestly wanted to plead with him after hearing the story.

"You have roommates Chan."

"We completely support this decision." Hyunjin cut in, popping his head into the camera view.

"Oh god they heard the whole thing?"

"Yea I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be as bad as it was." Chan said shyly but Ember simply shook her head with a fond smile.

"It's okay Chan, they'd find out sooner or later if I did come."

"Will you please?" He whined before turning the camera to Changbin and Han who gave her puppy dog eyes to try and convince her.

"I'll think about it, okay?" She offered only to earn grins from the four men.

"Anyway I'd like to formally introduce you to my roommates, the other four are at their dorm, but this is Han, Changbin and Hyunjin, guys this is Ember."

"Ember? As in the girl who beat you up in 3rd grade?" Changbin asked, making everyone giggle at the memory of the story.

"That's how we met, he took my favorite drink from me. So I punched him and took it back. Then the next day I bought a second one and shared it with him." She explained with a grin.

The interaction between the two best friends was heartwarming, everyone saw the way she cheered up when she started talking to him. The bond was so pure that nobody really could look at them with anything but gentle eyes. Chan's mother was beaming when she saw the effect her son took on the girl, hoping her secret notebook of wedding plans would one day get put to use.

"I really need a more gentle touch in the apartment, these guys just sit around half naked eating chicken all of the time." Hyunjin whined, making Ember laugh.

"Oh you wouldn't believe the amount of times I've walked in on Chan sitting on his floor naked after he took a shower, the man would just pull me next to him and start talking about anything on his mind, not even minding that he was in his birthday suit." She retold making everyone chuckle in response they knew Chan was hardly shy about his body around those he loved so this wasn't the most shocking thing in the world.

"Have you ever visited him in South Korea?" Han wondered genuinely not having ever seen her before.

"A few times, we met up at hotels to avoid dispatch. I only came for a couple of days each time though. Had to get back to work."

"What do you do for work?" Changbin wondered.

"I'm an influencer ." She smiled remembering Chan encouraging her to get into the field.

The group continued talking and getting to know each other until Ember had to give the phone back and head to sleep in Chan's old room.

"Goodnight guys. Chan I'm stealing the clothes you left here."

"I left them, for you anyway idiot."

She had no idea why she agreed to this, why did everyone agree to this.

She gripped her bags nervously as she looked around the airport, she would've rented a car but Chan assured her that he'd pick her up. She had a cap on her head, sunglasses on and a mask hoping to avoid any form of recognition, though she knew she'd be safe she wasn't as popular in South Korea most of her content was in English.

Chan was running through the airport trying to get to her gate, he had gotten caught up in something and completely lost track of time until Hyunjin yelled at him to get Ember, leaving the other four members a bit confused since they had no clue about the new situation. It had been a week since he dropped the news on his roommates, but all of them were so focused on making preparations that they completely forgot to inform the other four.

He eyed the figure in all black, not knowing for sure if it was her until he glanced at the sweatpants and noticed that they were his. He took off towards the woman and pulled her into the tightest hug he could muster. They spent a couple moments hugging and just taking in each other's presence until Chan pulled away and tilted her chin up to look at her throat, it was healing but not nearly as fast as he'd like, it was still a light purple color and the hand print was very much visible. He could see bruising on her arms too, it would've been covered by her shirt but the sleeves rode up with the movement from the hug.

"Let's get you home." He offered, grabbing her bag and wrapping his other arm around her shoulders to lead her.

—

"So he invited his childhood best friend to live with you guys and didn't tell us?" Jeongin gasped.

"I give it two weeks before feelings surface." Seungmin bluntly stated.

"You think he has feelings for her?" Changbin questioned not really having thought much on that since they were really just focusing on her situation.

"Oh 100%, I've seen the pictures of them he used to have set as his lock screen. The way he looked at her? It was like she had just produced his favorite song in front of him.” Hyunjin shared. The romantic inside him let loose as he smiled dreamily remembering the eyes the two shared in the picture. 

Ember sighed as she finished hooking up the bits of her PC, Chan sitting on his bed not really knowing much about her computer to be able to help. 

“So, how long are you staying?” Chan wondered as he watched his best friend begin making sure all of her systems worked properly. 

“Probably a month, then my friends in the UK wanted me to go stay there, and then some in California invited me to stay with them after.” She explained, absentmindedly fiddling with the bracelet one of her online friends had given her. 

“Do you actually know these people?” He asked a bit concerned but when Ember chuckled and nodded it made him feel a bit better.

“I flew out to California for a few events and interviews and met a good bit of them.” She was about to explain more in depth when her phone rang. She checked the name and almost laughed out loud at the irony.

“Hello ugly duckling.” She greeted in English, after answering the call.

“You jerk, you didn’t tell me you landed safely. My mom was blowing up my ear drums waiting for me to tell her you texted me.” Chan tilted his head at the unfamiliar voice filtering into the room. 

“Tell her I’m sorry, after I got off the plane we grabbed some food and came back to set up my PC.”

“It’s okay Mi amor, I was just worried.” The warm Spanish voice now took over the call, making Ember squeal happily, “I miss you, you left me with my least favorite child.”

“Hey!”

“Oh I know he’s such horrible company.” The two teased the male a bit more before bidding each other farewells and the boy once again took over the call.

“You’re safe, right? Cause I swear I’ll fly my ass to South Korea right now.”

“I’m safe, I’ll text the group chat a bit with the rules. I can’t have anyone knowing where I am in case he tries to track me down again, I won’t put these guys in danger, so I need your help making sure it doesn’t get out.”

“No problem, I have to go, Mama just called for dinner. Call me if you need anything, okay?” 

“Okay bye, I love you!”

“I love you too!” 

The call ended and Chan watched his friend smile sadly at her phone for a moment before looking at him, he opened his arms letting her make her way between his legs and pulled her tightly to him.

“Which one was that?” he wondered, knowing that she had way too many friends for him to keep up with.

“Alex, He’s in Mexico with his parents for the week since it's his break from school.” She grinned, her mind being brought back to the incident where they had climbed trees together and she ended up getting hurt, so to cheer her up he ended up taking her back to that same tree and holding a mock trial.

“Ah the tree guy.” Chan chuckled, he remembered the story because he almost freaked out when he called her while she was in her hotel in California only for her to be cut up. Once he heard the whole story he felt content that she had someone looking after her and caring for her as much as he did.

“Yeaa the tree guy.” she chuckled at the name given to him.

Their peaceful moment was destroyed when they heard the front door open and lots of yells for Chan to stop hogging the woman. Ember pulled away from the embrace first, making Chan throw his arms around dramatically with a loud groan.

“Noooooo.” he had whined but Ember just laughed and took off out of his door until she hit the living room where the other 7 members stood around impatiently yelling.

“Hi!” she greeted filtering herself back to Korean. 

“Oh my god she’s gorgeous.” Felix gasped out, eyes wide and jaw dropped as he took in her physique, she stood probably a couple inches taller than Chan, her skin tanned beautifully and her blue eyes contrasting her skin tone strikingly. Her body was fuller than most women in Korea, not in a bad way she was very fit, but her hips were wider and shoulders broader and pushed back to make her seem more confident. Even the boys who had caught a glimpse of her before were taken aback by the beauty in front of them. 

“Hey! I’m Hyunjin but you met me on the phone!” The tallest of the group greeted being the first to snap out of his shock, Ember smiled brightly at the man making Felix and Chan, who had just arrived, almost melt. 

“I’m Jisung and this is Changbin you met us too.” The tanner boy from the group greeted next, opting to hug her in greeting. They pulled away pretty quick and Felix was the next to approach, taking in her beauty carefully under the watchful eye of Chan. 

“I’m Felix! I’m from Australia too!” The boy excitedly exclaimed, pulling her into a hug as well, though it might’ve just been an attempt to feel how soft her hair was if he was honest. 

“Hi I’m Minho!” 

“I’m Seungmin!”

“I’m Jeongin!” 

The three voices tried talking over each other pushing each other around eliciting a throaty laugh from the girl.

“I know who everyone is, I will say though, Seungmin is my bias so if he doesn’t hug me I’m going to go cry.” She joked, earning sounds of protest from all of the other members except the boy who had tinted cheeks. The mischievous side in both of them sparkled as they took in the others discontent, and after sharing eye contact and a grin, the two ran at each other and quickly entered an embrace.

“My favorite person!” They both cooed at each other, acting really affectionate to make the others pout.

“No no no that's not allowed.” Chan uttered, grabbing the two and pulling them apart. “I’m her favorite person always.”

After the group settled down, Ember looked at the guys sympathetically.

“I know being here is going to be tough, but I seriously can not risk anyone finding out I’m here. I have only told a select few of my friends where I am right now, and when I go visit them next month it’ll have to continue being a secret. Nobody is allowed to know I have even left Australia until I go to California. It’s dangerous, Okay?” She explained making the ones who were unaware of the situation a bit confused but the others nodding understandingly.

“Can we ask what happened?” Seungmin was not really comfortable with having a dangerous situation so close.

“Hmm bad ex fiance and bad father.” She vaguely explained not wanting to go into details, some of which were obvious as the foundation she sprawled on her body with Chan’s help was beginning to wear off. 

Chan comfortingly placed a hand on her back and the rest of the night was spent getting to know each other.

“Wilbah!” The Australian accent sounded through the call. The fluffy haired brunette excitedly began to bounce in his seat.

“Oooo Wilbur!” The other male in the call greeted, chatting as Wilbur’s smile only grew hearing from his two close friends.

“Quackity! Fire!” He chirped happily farming awes in chat.

-Stream Highlights-

“I don’t think we can manipulate, mansplain, malewife our way out of this one man.”Wilbur sighed as he watched the woman glaring at them through the video call that only the two could see.

“Manslaughter it is.” Quackity jumped rushing to kill the woman’s character, only to be easily killed since she was way more experienced.

–

“You’re ugly!” Quackity yelled after the two had thrown numerous insults back and forth at each other.

“At least I didn’t come up with a country that everyone hates after they join. Yes, attack on both of you.”

–

“Emmy!”

“Karl my husband how are you, my beloved?”

“Now now wait a second here, what about me?” Sapnap whined, he and Karl just joined and he got no attention. 

“Sapnap My other beloved! Let’s all ditch Quackity and live happily ever after, one of you already forgot about him anyway.”

“WOAH! Hey!” 

–

“I really don’t see how people go to casinos and spend thousands, if i even lost 5 dollars I’d be considering blowing the whole place up.” Purpled had commented, it was now his turn to spend time with Ember, everyone deciding to switch out throughout the day while she had the house to herself so she didn’t feel alone, and the two were simply talking about how stupid people could be.

–

“In my defense, I was left unsupervised.”

“Wasn’t Purpled with you?” Punz asked, taking in the destroyed world the group had made together to unwind.

“In my defense, I was ALSO left unsupervised.”

–

“If Tubbo and I were drowning, who would you save?” Tommy asks, trying to rebuild what Purpled and Ember broke after having  locked her up in an obsidian jail.

“You guys can swim.” She grumbled but neither boy liked that answer.

“This is us trying to see who you love more with a hypothetical question.” Tubbo whined but Ember chuckled sadistically.

“I’d save my time and effort.”

–

“I have been working on this crossword all day, I need a five letter word for disappointment.” Alex or as the world knows him Technoblade sighed over the call.

“Tommy.”

The sound of Tommy joining the call made both of the adults stifle their laughter.

“HEY!”

“It fits.” Techno added playfully before kicking the new adult from the call.

–

“Are we flirting right now?” Ember cackled as Foolish attacked her in game.

“I’m literally stabbing you!” 

“That does not answer my question, a man as beautiful as you is paying me attention.”

– END-

Ember exited the room hoping to get water after dealing with half of her friends in the past few hours, she nearly stumbled back when she saw Chan sitting on the couch working instead of at the studio.

“What are you doing so early?” she questioned after catching his attention and motioning for him to remove his headphones.

“Lee Know, Felix and Hyunjin are working with the choreographers, Seungmin and Jeongin stayed at their dorm today to rest and Changbin and Han are in their rooms, we have filming coming up so we’re trying to rest as much as possible.” He explained, accepting the water she passed to him.

“Ah well I’ll leave you to it.” She smiled, beginning to walk away but Chan grabbed her wrist and tugged her to sit next to him.

“Nope you’ve spent all day in front of your computer, both of us are going to take a break.” He grinned, pushing his laptop closed and to the side with one hand. 

– 

How the two went from being sprawled out on the couch cuddled up to having Changbin, Han, Seungmin and Jeongin all playing the floor is lava is a wonder. 

“Oh god!” Chan gasped as he took in the sight of Seungmin and Ember standing on the counter back to back actively shoving Han and Changbin off of the stools and onto the floor, before cackling loudly.

“You guys know there can only be one winner right?” Han pouted not agreeing with the two teaming up, they were sure they’d be able to overpower them but Ember was strong.

Seungmin and Ember shared a look, before looking over at Jeongin and Chan who were hoisted up on the couch. The two grinned evilly as they devised a plan, Seungmin helped her get to the wall where there was a cutout in the wall, after making sure she got there safely he went back to silently intimidating the duo on the couch. 

Jeongin didn’t even hesitate as he saw the woman skillfully avoiding the floor like she had never walked on it in her life, he threw himself off of the couch and ran to get out of the crossfire. 

Chan was way  too stubborn to lose yet again to her, so he held his ground, that is until she jumped from the coffee table onto him and knocked him to the ground. Despite his efforts to grab her and pull her with him, he fell alone, leaving himself sulking as the remaining three members entered the dorm with bags of food.

“What the?” Felix asked as he took in Ember and Seungmin glaring at each other from their raised positions, Chan sulking on the floor, Jeongin hiding behind Han, and Changbin eating a snack as he watched the battle.

“We’re playing, the floor is lava.” Chan explained, not happy with the events.

“Chan, I don't think you understand the rules of the game.”Hyunjin snickered as his leader glared at him. 

Lee Know groaned, setting the food down on the coffee table before grabbing Ember off of the couch and onto his shoulder before going to the counter and grabbing Seungmin the same way. He set them both down, and then went to place the food on the counter.

“Way to ruin the fun,” Seungmin groaned, “What an old man.” 

The last sentence made Lee Know simply hold Seungmin’s food over the trash can as a threat, making him yelp and go to grab it quickly.\

The group of nine sat around the living room to eat together, Ember seated between Seungmin and Chan, all of them picking off each other's plates.

The group observed the group silently, they hadn’t seen Chan acting as carefree as that in a long time. It was like Ember reignited the spark of life in his exhausted brain, he was no longer focusing on their needs like a lifeline, he felt free to be himself and relax. If there was one thing they were all sure of, they were going to do everything in their power to get her to stick around.

She really thought she’d have more time.

The only people who knew were Phil, Alex, Techno, Wilbur and Chan’s mother, so how on earth she came back from the gym with Jisung to see a giant blonde toddler on the doorstep was a mystery. 

“Tommy?” Her accent broke through the silent hallway as Jisung eyed the stranger wearily.

“Ember!” the brit exclaimed, hopping up and rushing to hug her, she looked at him oddly but still hugged him tightly.

“What’re you doing here? How’d you know? Where’s Wil?” The questions flew out of her mouth, her eyes moving to check over his body to make sure he was 100% safe.

“Wilbur and the rest of Lovejoy are still in Brighton, I stole his phone because I was planning on pranking you but then i saw the messages about what happened, also something else happened and I kind of need you right now, so while everyone was trying to keep Ranboo, Tubbo, Freddie, Aimsey, Jack and Billzo from following me I ran.” Tommy proudly exclaimed, as Jisung opened the door to let the two in, Tommy clung to her arm as he listened to her lighthearted scolding about how stupid he was to come without being able to speak the language.

“How’d you get the address?” Jisung wondered, being aware that Ember hadn’t given it out to more than two people and it definitely was not the child in front of him.

“Well, after I called Wilbur and told him where I was he panicked and called Alex who by the way wants me to tell you that you better call him soon or he’s going to fly over here and jump your ass. Anyway, Alex sent me the address and I googled translated my way with a taxi before poof here I am.”

Ember took in the boy in front of her, noting the redness in his skin, and the anxious itching he was doing on his arm, not to mention his rambling trying to keep his mind from racing.

“What happened?”She asked firmly, gripping his arm and leading him to sit at the kitchen island where she gave him some water to help calm him.

Jisung, sensing the serious moment, ruffled Ember’s hair before heading off to shower.

“He’s hot.” was the last thing the man heard before he turned into the bathroom earning a boisterous laugh to erupt from his chest.

“Tommy…”

He sighed hearing the serious tone knowing he needed to come clean, he ran his fingers along the rim of the glass wishing he could just share the information easily.

“Phil and Will have been talking a lot, they were being really secretive. I thought at first that it was about you, but I caught a glimpse of it when I was on Wil’s phone. The blade is in the hospital again, his health is declining. The chemotherapy isn’t taking like it should.”Tommy explained quietly, fidgeting with anything he could to try and keep his mind from thinking more about the situation. 

“Tommy don’t be ridiculous, he would've told me.'' She assured having faith that one of her bestfriends would have more respect than that but Tommy shook his head, fighting tears that had formed at her denial.

“It’s true.”

Indifference was an odd feeling, Ember was almost always sure of how she felt. She had become very self aware during her neglectful childhood, if nobody else would acknowledge her emotions, she would. However, for the first time in a long time she couldn’t place what she felt.

Anger, sadness, disbelief, betrayal, panic, and grief all hit her like a freight train, her body leaning forward on the counter to support her weight that seemed to way a ton to her knees at the moment.

She sat holding the blonde boy for hours as he cried into her arms in fear that he’d lose his friend before he got the chance to meet them, and she knew what she had to do. As soon as the boy fell asleep on the couch, where they had moved in order to be more comfortable, she grabbed her laptop off of the coffee table and began looking at flights. If Alexander was going to pass, he wasn’t going to be alone.

Chan, Hyunjin and Changbin walked into their dorm to find an unknown blonde boy talking to Jisung while Ember stood in the kitchen on the phone.

“Uh…Hello?” Chan greeted in English, making both guys look up at him.

“Oh wow!” Tommy gasped taking in the men’s beauty in front of him, he was far from gay but he’d happily appreciate the beauty of the men in front of him.

“Tommy! Stop checking out my friends!” Ember scolded from the kitchen before going back to her conversation.

“It doesn’t matter, okay? You should have told me. I shouldn’t have to learn from an 18 year old hopping on a plane and showing up at my friends house….Yea well apparently I wasn’t meant to know either. Screw you.” She argued frustrated , sending all the men into a panic since they didn’t want her to be angry. If she got angry Chan was sure to follow. Chan tentatively approached her as she hung up the phone and wrapped his arms around her from behind, placing tender kisses on the back of her head to calm her.

“What happened?” Chan asked worriedly, as the blonde teenager made his way over to her, actively declining the call to his phone.

“My friend from America has cancer and the chemo isn’t taking like we thought it would, apparently his dad reached out to Wilbur and Wilbur said he’d tell me but he and Phil were trying not to stress me out more with the situation. Tommy found out and hopped on a flight here after getting the address from Alex.” She said, turning to shove her face in her bestfriends chest.

“If it makes you feel better, everyone is kind of frustrated with him at the moment.” Tommy softly spoke which made Ember smile, he rarely spoke like that.

“I know, Alex has been texting me since I told him you got here safely.” She chuckled at her friend's antics.

“We’re going to make a quick trip to America. Tommy hasn’t met Techno in person yet and I really don’t want him to miss the opportunity.” Ember explained, pulling away from the embrace to look at Chan, sparing a quick glance at her new friends who were pouting at the information.

“Awe man, we just got you.”Changbin expressed, making Ember grin again.

“When is your flight? I can take you.”Chan offered but Ember shot him a disapproving look almost immediately.

“As much as I love you, dispatch follows you like a lost puppy, I still can’t risk it. Tommy coming here was risky enough.” She explained making Chan pout this time.

“You’re still going to come see us next month right? Even though you’re mad at Wil and Phil?” Tommy asked, suddenly remembering a serious point in this situation.

“Yes, My trip will line up for when Karl and Jimmy are going to be there for the soccer thingy, so Karl and I will fly to California together after where Sapnap and Alex will be waiting, I think Foolish and Punz will be there as well.” She grinned, really excited to see Alex.

“You have plans for when you get to California right?” Chan wondered making sure she was prepared.

“Of course! Alex said he’d let us stay the first night with him, then he’d drive us to San Fransisco so we can all see him for a bit.” 

It did not take long at all for Chan to go back to his gloomy and exhausted self after Ember and Tommy flew off, the boys got annoyed very fast.

“Definietly less than two weeks.”Seungmin grumbled as he eyed the oldest working Han and Changbin pretty hard with the raps.

“Maybe his feelings never went away, I mean he saw her while he was here so it’s not like he was ever actually without her.” Hyunjin suggested as he swirled the straw around in his drink.

“It most definitely didn’t help that she gets along with all of us, he’s never brought a girl around that we all bonded with so well, even though she was only here a week.” Minho added as he continued typing updates to Ember who told him that he better keep her updated.

“How is she?” Felix asked as he watched the elder type away.

“She landed safely, apparently that tree guy showed up to the airport in a maid costume to cheer the two up.” He chuckled a bit as he showed the group the picture he got sent.

“She’s got some awesome friends.” Jeongin giggled as he lounged on the couch with his head in Seungmin’s lap.

“She really does.”

As soon as she stepped foot off of the plane the woman was scooped up into her bestfriends embrace, being held as if she’d turn around and leave again.

“Channie It’s okay.” she hummed into his ear, embracing him just as tightly.

“Nonono it’s not okay, you left. And I know you left for a good reason, but my heart would not calm down the entire time. I talked with the guys, they helped me realize why I was feeling this way and I-” he choked up as his nerves got the better of him.

“Chan love, if you’re gonna confess your undying love for me can you at least do it when we’re not in an airport.” She giggled, pulling away from Chan who had a pout on his face.

“Who blabbed?”

“Well first it was Seungmin, then Han, then Jeongin, honestly everyone except Minho probably.” She shrugged innocently as she leaned her face down a bit, glancing around before tugging her mask down and giving him a chaste peck.

“Wait, I wanted our first kiss to be a real one.” He whined as the woman pulled away and went to grab her bags.

“Maybe you’ll get a real one if you can confess without clamming up on me.” She teased, her walk turning into a job as Chan began to chase her, her giggles filtering into his ears like music, and boy was it his favorite symphony.

[essapedstom]

Part 5.

Neteyams pov

"Training to become a warrior will not kill my daughter, i refuse!"

He heard your mom grit from behind the long large cloth that separated the hammocks and sitting area. He got up and peeked through the cloth before looking back at his siblings making sure none of them were awake which they weren't. There your mother sat facing His dad and Neytiri pacing around the room with Your dad sitting next to your mom hand on her knee to relax her.

"I- we won't lose another child." Your mother lowly cried facing your father. "We can't." She sputtered trying to keep composure. "We won't." Your father said trying to reassure your mom.

Neteyam was aware of your older brothers death, he was 14 when it happened. He always said to Lo'ak how he wanted to be built like him which Lo'ak would then respond to by making fun of him. But only a few words were ever exchanged between the two boys.

"Look Olo'eyktan, Neytiri If this training you are hoping for Y/N to complete will kill her-" Your mother paused.

Neteyam felt immediate guilt, was he the "training" that was going to kill you? Yes he disliked you more than anyone could possibly believe but to kill you, that would never be his intention.

"Then i cannot allow for it to continue. They cannot even be friends let alone mated if they hate each other this much, it will not work." Your mother finished.

"She is right ma Jake, but Se'ayla, Ta'achi (Your mother and fathers names). She turned to face them hand on jakes shoulder. "it was decided by Eywa, told to my mother. It must happen." Neytiri chimed.

"Exactly we canno- what" Neteyam thought silently. Mated? Absolutely not, Never. Are they joking, they could not be serious. With you? Out of everyone you? Really Eywa decided?, Neteyam wasn't one to question her ever but he was certain Eywa was wrong this time. Unsure of whether or not to storm in there or go to bed he decided against aggravating his father after the trouble he was already in and went back to his hammock

"He needs this, It will be good for the clan, good for everyone. I assure you this will never happen again Se'ayla." Jake said trying to comfort your mother whilst sharing concerned glances with your father. Neteyam tried to sleep it off, forget about it, but it was no use. His parents wanted him to be mated with you. He would have to go to hell and back to get them to go back on this already made choice.

Sunlight came over the forest meaning rays of the warm light hit your tired eyes. You hadn't slept, well kind of drifting in and out mostly forcing yourself to stay awake, afraid of dreaming again. You got up realising how early it was when you saw everyone still sleeping and your parents back in their hammocks embracing each other in their sleep. You jumped down from your hammock as quietly as possible before removing your home loin cloth and top replacing them with a matching purple set. This one had a longer loin cloth but top that only covered the nipples with a few blue feathers hanging from it. You left the hut not waking anyone and going down to the lake that had a fresh stream of cooling water.

You walked instead of calling for La'ila wanting to enjoy the view of the forest and more so forget last night. Once you began to see a clearing in the trees and a large patch of bright green grass with the lake in front of it you sped up running to jump into it.

You splashed in the water being engulfed by the ripples that clung to your body and the fishes that swam around you. As you resurfaced you made your way over to the edge of the lake where you had originally jumped off of and sat admiring the small fishes swimming in and out of your legs. Water dripping from your braids and racing down your body being soaked up.You sighed feeling the warm sun against your back bathing it in temporary happiness.

You were a great warrior, Great fighter, Great hunter, so why was life so hard. You had everything at least one person in the clan craved yet you were unhappy. "Maybe i need a mate." You said aloud laying down onto the grass feet still dangling in the water. Talking to yourself wasn't something you did much but when you did it wasn't weird. You then heard footsteps coming up from behind you. Getting up and looking behind you, your heart settled. It was just Kiri. You and Kiri were the best of friends although you hadn't spoken much over the last 2 days your bond was unbreakable.

"KIRI!" you shrieked as you ran up to hug her throat still tingling slightly, covering her in the left over water that was on your body.

"Y/N i missed you so much i feel like we haven't spoken in forever!" She responded laughing. You sighed nodding not wanting to use up your voice too much. "oohhhh i forgot Grandmother said not to talk. Yikes how's it been?" she asks, You tilt your head staring at her deadpan before you both burst out into laughter holding each others arms which is something you both did for some reason. Her laughter verbal, yours silent. "ahh it's so weird not hearing you talk a lot." You raised an eyebrow at her communicating a sense of attitude.

"No i'm not saying you talk a lot.....okay i am but i miss it!" She said laughing uncontrollably, getting louder on her last words. What she didn't realise was you stepping closer towards her and her stepping backwards until she fell into the lake causing large splashes of water to go everywhere. Again you silently laughed watching her come up out of the water as she still laughed spitting water out of her mouth.

"kiri." You heard a deep voice call out from behind you freezing all and any laughter that had just been produced. You helped kiri get out of the lake before turning around and looking at Neteyams tall figure which was already facing you.

Kiri got out hair dripping with water that landed on her face and eyes. She looked between the both of you before quickly moving forward to her brother sensing the tension building up. "Yes." She said softly. "Grandmother calls for you." Neteyam said lowly not even looking at kiri but keeping eye contact with you. You returned the stare trying not to blink. "Okay let's go." Kiri said trying to push Neteyams chest back so he would follow her and the two of you would not be left alone however neteyam remained still. "I am coming, Go." He ordered her. Kiri glanced back at you as if to ask if it was okay, you simply looked at her softening your eyes only the smallest amount allowing her to turn around fully and leave you and her brother behind.

Once he believed his sister was out of hearing range he began to walk towards you his lean tall figure blocking the sun as he stood right in front of you. Again you were never one to let anyone intimidate you so you continued eye contact with him.

"I'm sorry." The words rolling off his tongue surprising you. Your skin above your eyes where eyebrows would be knitted together in confusion. "For that." He continued pointing lazily at your neck that still had fading dark bruises from his hands. Why was he apologising. You couldn't care less about anything he had to say, he was pathetic. You began to push past him and try to go home when he pulled you arm stopping you from walking any further. Your eyes shot towards his large hand on your upper arm and your ears pointing upwards before looking back up at him with threatening eyes. "I came to apologise. Accept it."

Anger bubbled within you and your mouth opened. With your voice as hoarse as a cigarette smoker you began to if you could, scold neteyam. "Accept? You want me to accept what? Your apology? I will never ever accept anything from you." You said as you inched close to his face. "Get off me." you spat, nose slightly scrunching with anger. You were now on your tiptoes to get as close to his face as possible with his tight grip still on your arm. You stared for another second before you felt his touch disappear and the heels of your feet come in contact with the soft ground again. You turned and began to walk away, tail swaying frantically out of anger. Leaving neteyam in the clearing alone, frustrated. A strong gust of wind came pushing his loincloth up before he pushed it back down in annoyance then suddenly feeling something hard protruding from under it. He was hard. "Fuck" He thought to himself before palming it gently. Did he really get an erection from the woman he hates refusing his apology. He sighed before moving behind a thick tree to take care of himself.

"What am i doing." he mumbled as he untied the sides of his loincloth and sat down back against the trunk of the tree. His large cock springing up from the restraint of the fabric slapping his stomach. He rubbed its entire length slowly trying to be as quiet as possible, breath shaking and thinking about different girls in the clan. Drops of pre-cum emerging from the spongy mushroom tip as his strokes became more desperate and fast. Different faces of girls raced in and out of his mind but for some reason yours would flash in for just a second before he forcefully removed your image from his head. "Fuck." he moaned absentmindedly as your face flashed in his mind. Chest rising and lowering slower as his breaths became longer and drawn out his hand pumped up and down faster whilst the only name he could think of was yours.

Neteyam hadn't always hated you. To be honest he was infatuated with you from when you were 10 and he was 11. It was the day your younger brothers were born, your mother had just given birth and was resting in the healing tent with Mo'at who looked after her a few days after that. It was rare for twins to be born so when they were you were ecstatic to have the new addition to your family and your mother needed extra care. You would collect flowers and pretty stones for her out in the forest so they would be ready when she came back home. And one day you were doing just that, "Hey what are you doing?" Young Neteyam called from behind you as you looked for different flowers.

"I am picking flowers for Sa'nu (mother)." You responded standing up to look at the boy. You and neteyam were extremely familiar with one another as you spent a lot of time in his home and the healing tent because of your mom or hanging with kiri and Lo'ak. "Let me see them." Neteyam demanded reaching out to grab the small basket you had. "No." you voiced pulling the arm with the basket back. "Why not? i cant tell you if they're nice." He tried to reason his voice way higher than it is today. " I know they're nice skxawng (moron) they are my moms favourite." you responded sharply wanting to leave that part of the forest and just go home. As you tried to push past him he grabbed the basket from you causing all of the pretty flowers to fall out and just as they did a strong blow of wind came scattering them everywhere. "NETEYAM!" you shrieked annoyed at his incompetence as you looked around yourself seeing the pink petals flow away into the lake and different parts of the forest. "If you had just let me see them it wouldn't have happened." He proclaimed in hopes that you wouldn't tell his father. "This is not my fault! ugh oe ve'kì nga!"(i hate you!) You cried out as you snatched the basket back making your way back to the forest with tears in your little eyes.

You honestly had forgotten about the situation but neteyam, he would never. He would always see it as you rejecting an offer of kindness from him. Especially when he had a crush on you. So your hatred of neteyam stemmed from his constant disruption and criticism of everything you did.

When you were 15 your bond with the sully kids became even tighter, they were like your second set of siblings, excluding neteyam of course. He avoided you like the plague which you didn't mind, until he only was only around when you were doing target practice or hunting for animals to critic your skills.

You were teaching Lo'ak how to shoot perfectly and never miss, which you prided yourself in executing everytime. "Straighten your back Lo'ak." You chuckled as you pushed your hand against the small of his back like you had 100 times before. "if i keep straightening my back." He said mocking your voice with the last 3 words "I'll be stuck like that forever." You laughed before immediately becoming serious. "Fnu (quiet) Lo'ak it takes a lot of concentration and a straight back to do this. Now straight back and lift your elbows up to here." You instructed stepping closer to him adjusting his elbow. "Now deep breath...." You paused. "Shoot." Just as you said that Lo'aks finger released the tight string allowing the arrow to fly free and hit the side of his target. "OOOOOOHHHHHH THATS THE BEST IVE DONE SO FAR!" Lo'ak cheered gesturing to the many arrows that lay on the floor next to his target.

"I know! Well done!" You exclaimed, happy for your friend. Lo'ak then handed the bow and arrow to you so you could have a turn. You grabbed the bow and arrow before raising an eyebrow at Lo'ak basically telling him to watch the pro. Straightening your back you fired the arrow and landing it right in the middle of the target, perfectly. It wasn't new to you it was like blinking, so natural and easy but it always fascinated others like Lo'ak. "How do you do that, it's so cool." He chimed adoring how talented you were in the skill. Before you could answer him with some fake balloon headed joke Neteyams voice was heard.

"Because it is easy." You both turned your heads to look at him, anger slowly but surely coming over you. You shoved the bow back into Lo'aks chest. "Neteyam do you think you could do better?" Lo'ak asked recovering from the small stumbled you caused to him, he loved to tease his older brother. "With my eyes closed." You scoffed at his ridiculousness before walking over to the arrows that Lo'ak had tragically used in his small practice. This angered neteyam, Why doesn't she believe me? he thought. He picked up the bow which you had given back to Lo'ak and another arrow as he then took once glance at the target before closing his eyes, inhaling a deep breath and firing the arrow. The sound of the small crack of wood could be heard. You looked up to see the arrow neteyam had just fired between the arrow you had shot. Splitting the thin wood in half. Your heart jumped a little before you continued to make your way over to the scattered arrows, picking them all up and then pulling neteyams arrow out of the tree adding it to the bunch in your hand. Walking towards the two boys neteyams eyes landed on the swaying of your hips and the new necklace upon your neck. You shoved the arrows into Lo'aks chest again telling him you'll meet him after dinner not even paying any attention to Neteyam and his little performance. The frustration in his stomach boiled, That was a absolute perfect shot so why didn't you say anything, why didn't you notice him you didn't appreciate anything good. Those were the thoughts that ran through neteyams head before being brought back by his brother. "Neteyam, Yo neteyam! we gotta get going it's eclipse soon." Lo'ak said as he hit softly hit neteyams chest.

The older boy said nothing as they both turned around and headed home to where Lo'ak would exaggerate on how good his session with you went to his parents.

"Fuck" aside from the occasional cusses the only thing that could be heard from behind the tree trunk was neteyams heavy breath and the slick sound of his hand rubbing up and down on his length intertwined with his spit. Your purple loincloth and top with blue feathers harboured in Neteyams mind. How you spoke to him telling him to get off you, Oh he was getting off on you alright. As his hand did it's job your face finally settled in his mind, everything he wanted to do to you, not another girl just you. How pretty you would look with your soft lips around his cock and shoving it down your throat finally shutting you and that bratty mouth up. He mentally cursed himself for thinking about you in this way. With a few final strokes neteyams breath hitched as long strings of white gummy cum shot out of his tip coating his tired hand. He continued pumping his cock riding out his orgasm as your shrewd up versions of your name emerged from his lips, The full version, Shortened versions he'd made up or just cuss words. Once he finished frustration took over, It shouldn't be you he thought about, why was it you? what was wrong with him? Question after question he thought about as he washed himself on the lake in front of him.

——————————————————————���————sorry i feel like this one's short.

i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it xxxx

wc:3012

[tinymossyacorn]

Hey! Sorry, been stalking your blog a little and rb'ing on mine, haha. Just wanted to say hello! How did Aphrodite come into your life, if I may be nosy?

hey there! not nosy at all! i think in some way i’ve always been devoted to her, even without realizing it. i’ve always loved all things love and beauty, and i’ve also always been obsessed with the ocean! i actually tried to turn myself into a mermaid when i was like 11/12.

my parents are both super intelligent and high-achieving, and they wanted me to be that way as well. so i wasn’t really allowed to be a “girly girl” because they thought it was a sign of low intelligence (even though they also exclusively bought me “girl toys” so i was constantly surrounded by dolls and pink lol). i wasn’t even allowed to have crushes or watch media where people had romantic partners because my mom thought it was inappropriate. i used to be an “i hate pink” kinda girl because of all that.

now, as an adult, i’ve completely swung the other way. while i first thought about devoting myself to aphrodite in high school when i got my first boyfriend, she’s really shown up to me in the last year or so as i’ve been single. i’ve started to view love in a very different way, and i’m leaning a lot more into trusting the universe’s design for my life and romance than i ever have. also, without intentionally trying, i’ve become very obsessed with my hair. i try to take good care of it and keep it as immaculate as possible because it has gained a spiritual significance for me. all of these things together have kind of led me to realize that i’ve been leaning into aphrodite all this time without realizing it, and now that i know it, i can embrace her.

i hope that answered your question!!! i started to just write stream-of-consciousness at the end so sorry if it was unclear in any way lol

this is my hair, btw!! it took years to figure out how to take care of it properly

[maybanksbabe]

Ok so I hate cheating tropes

BUT I had this fuckin idea in my head for a few days now and holy shit

Little lamb already being in a relationship with someone that her father set her up with (maybe their dads are like really close or something) but meeting rafe and his family at church one day completely ruins things

I'm talking about little lamb telling her parents that she's going to church for some late night bible reading and her dad gives her the key to the church and she tells her boyfriend (let's say his name is Richie) that her father doesn't really let her out past curfew unless it's for a good reason (her curfew is like 8pm and 9pm on a good night but if it's for like church things than he's like reluctantly agreeing while little lamb's mom is ecstatic about her loving Jesus or whatever) and that coming over to her house without invitation is like a big no no (even though rafe is like coming over whenever he can cause you know he's a BadBoy™️)

And like rafe gets her a necklace that matches her purity ring (this is a little self indulgent here but not the point) and the necklace is like super expensive and had a really nice 'R' on it and Richie thinks it for his virgin ass but really the rafe Cameron

Her father kinda despises the Cameron's bc of all rafe's run in with the law but also because of the cover ups that ward does for rafe, he thinks that all of the Cameron's, except for wheezie, are sinners because

A. Rafe is an absolute psychopath and a 'delinquent' (he's not wrong y'know 👀)

B. it's rumored that Sarah is not a virgin and that she cheated on topper (so the exact 'opposite' of his little girl THIS ISN'T MY ACTUAL VIEW OF SARAH IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK THAT RAT BASTARD PREACHER MAN WOULD THINK OF HER)

C. Ward used to be a pogue (he's an evangelical Christian of course there's going to be some classist bullshit going on)

D. Rose is seen as the other woman even if it may or not be true (since we don't know what's her deal it's either she's a homewrecker if ward divorced his wife for her or she's trying to replace Cameron's ex wife is she's dead or missing, I DON'T HATE OR THINK OF ROSE LIKE THIS IT'S JUST WHAT I THINK AN ASSHOLE EVANGELICAL PREACHER WOULD THINK OF HER)

E. He thinks that wheezie is just an innocent soul trapped in a troubled family (again he's not wrong but he gets all high and mighty over it, y'know bc he's a preacher and has major savior complex problems, he probably offers bible lessons from his youth pastor for wheezie but she begs ward not to do it and he listens for once, preacher bitch gets mad but doesn't say anything and honestly he thinks that ward is corrupting her innocent soul but mama lamb jumps in and says it's fine)

BUT that him and his family being all kind and forgiving towards them and welcoming them into the church will do wonders for rafe and his family so he kinda just puts up a fake smile at the Cameron's whenever they enter the church but little lamb's mom is like 'stop being so mean, Jesus said to love thy neighbor and gosh darn it that is what we will do even if they're... sinners' she says with a forced smile as she lightly scolds him in the back so that no one will hear them and she makes little lamb be all friendly towards rafe and the rest of the Camerons. I imagine little lambs mom is like way more cool about this kinda shit than little lamb's father

Rafe likes to tease little lamb about losing her purity ring as he's balls deep in her and says something like "oh baby... Looking at that ring knowing that you're not married and that I'm not your boyfriend is really does make this so much more fun" He grunts and thrusts harder into her as he laces his hands with hers as he plays with the ring absentmindedly as he reaches one hand down and play with her clit as he grins

"and the fact that I'm doing this in your family's church really is doing something for me" he chuckles and feels her pretty pussy flutter around him as he says these dirty little things "fuckin on the church pews... Who knew the preacher's daughter had it in her" she's clawing at his arms trying to bring herself back to earth but rafe knows that isn't going to work so he grabs her hands

"you keep moaning like that and people might come in here to see what's wrong" he holds onto her hand again and puts it back on the pew "and if people come in here they won't think of you as a little lamb anymore" she moans into her hand but he can still hear her little high pitched moan as he holds her hips even tighter as she's bent over the pews

"what if" she cuts herself off with a moanas she gives up on trying to silence her moans and holds onto pew for dear life and looks at her purity ring without a care in the world "what if that's not what I want- oh!" She grips the pew she's bent over with a harsh grip, and looks down and takes a glimpse at his cock intruding her perfect pussy "oh my freaking god!"

"c'mon baby, I know you can curse" he leans in and whispers in her ear "I've heard you do it before, playing with your pussy in the church bathrooms cursing my name AND god for 'sending me to test you' oh I know all about that" he chuckles and rubs her clit even faster

"oh my fucking god! That's so good" she holds her skirt up and let's rafe see her bare ass as he's taking her from behind "holy shit that's fuckin good" she moans out and looks back at him He laughed and let her fuck herself back onto him "now just where did you learn that, Little lamb" he says as he looks at her cute round ass bounce as she's moaning loudly again

"I'm not stupid, rafe, I've seen my fair share of videos" she huffs out a laugh before it turns into more, almost feral, moan and reaches down and guides rafe's fingers around her clit just the way she likes it and lets her skirt fall over then again before rafe just lifts it up her waist "oh god just like that, holy shit"

"maybe I was wrong" he says as he takes control back and thrusts even deeper in her "maybe you're just a wolf in sheep's clothing, huh?" He lets her rub her clit as he thrusts into her at a faster and an unsteady rhythm as he feels her getting closer too "oh my little wolf is surely full of surprises, ain't she?" She nods her head before he pulls her hair to make her look him in the eyes as he takes her from behind "c'mon answer me, little wolf" he makes eye contact with her and enjoys the fucked out look in her beautiful eyes as she struggles to even think as she moans so loudly and plays with her nipples with one hand and plays with her clit with the another

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Him calling her little wolf instead of little lamb is so funny to me 🤭 (you can ignore this but I had to get this out of my head and I'm actually kind of scared to post this on my main so you're cursed with this thought... My bad 😚)

This au is based on the idea of what would happen if little lamb's family isn't at all what it seems, so you know it's kind of a more self righteous than the wards but at least there's no drugs or run-ins with the law or cover ups for said run ins with the law or infidelity (mostly 👀)

HOLY SHIT IS RIGHT ANON OH MY GOD????

It's been so long since we've had a Little Lamb and Rafe moment I'm HERE FOR IT 🤤🤤🤤 I literally have no notes on this the description, the content?!! THE NECKLACE?!!?

Lawwwdddd forgive me I'm about to fucking SIN -