#and i thought like ‘oh that was Tim’s nickname for Lucy back when they were dating’

[bosesmikas]

“Darlin’” 😂

[torreshalstead]

Her Source of Comfort

Summary - A loud cry woke Tim up from a not particularly restful sleep. It took him a second to realise it was coming from the bed. It was coming from Lucy. His first and only priority right now was her comfort and if he could be that for her, that was all that mattered.

Notes - Feels like an age since I wrote for Chenford but I started a rewatch of season 5 and couldn’t resist the opportunity for an only one bed fic set in 5x01! I hope you enjoy! AO3 Link

The room service arrived, knocking on the door and breaking through the awkward air, the conversation having been stilted since Tim’s questioning. They sat in silence as they ate; a burger and fries for Tim and just fries for Lucy. Without asking he plucked the pickles off his burger and placed them on the side of her plate - they were her favourite after all. She smiled softly at him as she popped them in her mouth. He didn’t focus on the way her lips wrapped around her finger, ensuring all remaining pickle juice had been salvaged. He didn’t focus on the small moan of pleasure she let out. He didn’t. At least he tried not to.

The phone rang, pulling Tim’s attention from Lucy and giving him some respite from having to look at her in only a dressing gown, one that was not done up as tightly as she might have intended.

‘What?’ He said as he answered the call, his voice easily slipping into Jake’s drawl that he had perfected.

‘9am tomorrow. Be ready.’ The call disconnected before Time could say anything in response.

‘What?’ Lucy asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin and looking at him curiously.

‘It was Hajek. He just said be ready at 9am,’ Tim shrugged. ‘Guess we are spending the night after all.’

‘They didn’t bring our luggage up,’ Lucy said, her voice a little dejected. ‘It’s probably still on the plane.’ She sighed.

‘You need something?’ Tim asked, wondering why her mind had gone to their luggage. Sure wearing the same clothes tomorrow was a bit of a pain but they’d dealt with worse.

‘Nothing,’ Lucy muttered but Tim could see that her words were hiding something else. He knew her well enough by now to know when she was concealing things.

‘Lucy?’ He asked, his voice softening in a tone that he only reserved for her. He wasn’t sure when he started having a ‘Lucy voice’ but he knew he did. Angela gave him enough knowing looks for her to have clocked it as well.

‘I just have nothing to sleep in,’ she said bashfully, not raising her eyes to meet his. Which was a good thing as he was blushing right now. He hadn’t thought about that, figured he could just sleep in his t-shirt and boxers. She didn’t have that luxury, the tiny yellow top she had been wearing didn’t look particularly comfortable and he knew her underwear situation was even less so. Though he tried to push the thought of Lucy in a thong as far out of his mind as he could. He had almost self-combusted when she had announced it back at the station and now was not the time or place for that.

‘Oh,’ he said in realisation. ‘You can have my shirt if you want?’ He offered quickly. ‘I’ll be alright.’ He smiled warmly at her. It was a selfish act really, the image of Lucy in just his, or Jake’s, shirt, her legs bare underneath it, well that was an image he would love to see materialise into reality.

‘If you’re sure,’ she said, ‘thanks Tim.’ She added, her voice still timid but she looked up at him and matched his smile. He saw her eyes flick to the bed behind him and then across to the couch but before she could open her mouth to say anything he quickly jumped in.

‘I’ll take the couch, you can have the bed,’ and when she tried to argue he added, ‘don’t make me pull rank Boot.’ He winked at her and she tried to hide a grin at his old nickname for her.

‘Okay sir,’ she said, a sarcastic emphasis on the sir and he couldn’t hold back the laugh that he let out. At least she seemed more relaxed now, not only had he put her on the spot earlier, asking about their kisses. Plural. But the news that Rosalind had escaped had put them both on edge. He knew it would still be playing in the back of her mind, hell it was in his and he hadn’t been the one who had been attacked as a result of her insane mission.

‘We could find something to watch if you’re not tired yet,’ he said after neither of them had spoken for a moment.

‘I think I’ll just sleep if that’s okay,’ Lucy said, ‘I’ll just dry my hair quickly and then if I could… umm.. have your shirt?’ She asked, the colour rising in her cheeks.

‘Oh, of course,’ he said, realising how awkward this situation was about to be. He stood up, shrugged off his flannel and then tugged the cotton tee over his head. His view of Lucy disappeared for a fraction of a second as the fabric covered his eyes but when she came back into view, her eyes were focused south of his face and on his bare chest if he wasn’t mistaken. He concealed a smirk as he passed it over to her.

‘Umm, thanks,’ she said quietly before getting up and scurrying off to the bathroom. He couldn’t blame her - he stood awkwardly just in his jeans and he had almost stripped in front of her. But he couldn’t think of a better way to do it. He pushed that thought away and went searching for some additional bedding that he could use on the couch - he hoped it was comfortable because this situation was uncomfortable enough without adding to it.

By the time Lucy emerged from the bathroom, Tim had sourced a blanket and a pillow from the closet in the corner. He had already shuck his jeans and had gotten comfortable on the couch, well as comfortable as he could. He decided that whoever had designed it deserved to go to jail; it wasn’t long enough for him so his feet stuck out awkwardly over the edge, it was made out of the coarsest fabric he had ever felt, the blanket wasn’t much better and the cushions might as well have been stuffed with rocks for how hard they were. But still, he got under the blanket and tried not to consider the fact he was now dressed in just his boxers and his old rookie was going to be sleeping, dressed only in his shirt and a thong, less than 4 feet from him.

‘Are you sure you’re okay on the couch?’ Lucy asked, tugging the hem of his shirt down clearly in an attempt to conceal some modesty. Tim wished she wouldn’t though, not for his own benefit, but he wished she knew that even dressed in a scruffy shirt she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her toned legs, bronzed from the California sun, that he wished he could run his hands up and down but he shook himself out of that thought. She had just said a moment ago that their kisses had only been for the job, only a physical reaction. Nothing more.

‘Perfectly comfortable,’ he lied with a smile knowing that if he told the truth Lucy would insist that she take the couch.

‘Okay, umm.. thanks for the shirt,’ she said, making her way over to the bed, switching off the main light as she did, leaving just the lamp on the bedside table to illuminate her path.

‘Anytime,’ he said. And he meant it. Anytime she wanted to wear any of his clothes, he would happily oblige.

He tried not to look, not to creep, as she climbed into bed but when she sat up for a moment too long and looked like she was going to say something, he couldn’t help but send her a questioning look.

‘Nothing,’ she said, in answer to his unspoken question. ‘Goodnight Tim’, she reached over to switch off the light, plunging them into darkness.

‘Goodnight Lucy, sleep well,’ he said quietly into the blackness.

A loud cry woke Tim up from a not particularly restful sleep. He sat straight up, rubbing his eyes to try and figure out where the noise was coming from. It took him a second to realise it was coming from the bed. It was coming from Lucy.

She was thrashing about, wrapped in the bedsheets, still crying, her voice hoarse from the exertion. Tim scrambled off the couch and made his way to the side of the bed, flicking on the lamp and ignoring his own state of undress, the only thing on his mind was Lucy.

She was sobbing, her legs tangled in the sheets and she was kicking them around, clearly trying to free herself.

‘Lucy,’ Tim said softly, reaching out his hand to touch her shoulder hesitatingly. Waking someone from a nightmare this bad was always difficult and he didn’t want to add to her distress. ‘It’s me, it’s Tim. Wake up Luce,’ he said, shaking her a little in an attempt to bring her back to the present.

She woke up with a start, her breathing laboured, her eyes wide with terror but when she saw who had woken her up, instead of recoiling, she threw herself into Tim’s arms, her arms locking tightly around his chest.

Instinctively he wrapped his own arms around her, one hand burying itself in her hair and the other around her back. He could feel that the shirt she was wearing was damp against her skin. He wondered how long she had been stuck in whatever nightmare had overtaken her before her cry had woken him up.

‘Ssh, I’ve got you, it’s okay,’ he muttered, resting his cheek on top of her head, running his hand up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her from the unknown demon. He could still feel her trembling against him but her breathing was evening out a little more the longer they remained in the embrace.

‘You didn’t come,’ she whispered into his chest after a moment. ‘You didn’t come in time.’

Her words confused him, ‘I didn’t come when?’ He asked, loosening his hold on her slightly allowing her a chance to pull back.

‘With Caleb. I was in the barrel but you didn’t come. You couldn’t save me in time,’ she said, looking up at him, her eyes full of tears and her face red and blotchy as a result.

Tim swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat, ‘I’ll always save you Luce, I’ll always come for you,’ he whispered.

‘I know, but this time you didn’t,’ she said, smiling a sad smile. ‘Sorry for waking you,’ she added timidly.

‘Never be sorry,’ Tim said, his thumb reaching out to wipe a stray tear from her cheek, his hand coming to cradle her cheek, the tips of his fingers in her hair.

‘Will you stay?’ She asked, her gaze dropping to the floor.

‘Of course,’ he said, ‘as long as you want me,’ he added quietly as she made space for him to climb into the bed. It was a promise, more to himself than to her. He would be with her as long as she wanted, providing her as much comfort as she needed. That was something he was always willing to provide.

As he lay down, he held up his arm giving her permission, and an invitation, to curl into his side if she wanted. He didn’t want to push it, this wasn’t about him, but when she tucked herself into his side, her head coming to rest on his chest, one arm coming to wrap around his waist tightly, he knew it was the right decision. If she had noticed he was only dressed in his underwear, she said nothing. Her hand was warm against his skin, her fingers digging in as trying to prove that he was really there and she wasn’t stuck in that barrel.

He brought his arm around her, hesitating for a moment on whether to keep his hand on her arm or on her waist. But he remembered something, something he had noticed but had never asked her about. It was never a subject matter he wanted to breach, it always seemed too personal. He thought it might work however so he decided to try it.

Wrapping his arm around her, his palm came to rest on top of the shirt just beside her breast where he knew the ink that marked her skin still remained. He had seen her on numerous occasions reach for the spot herself, using it to ground herself or letting her hand fall to it almost subconsciously when anything reminded her of that fateful day. He heard her breath hitch and when her hand relinquished its hold on her side and pulled his hand off the spot he thought maybe he had crossed a line, pushed it too far and made her uncomfortable. That had been the last thing he had intended to do.

What happened next he could never have predicted. Lucy’s fingers laced with his own and she moved his hand down and under her shirt, pressing his palm flat against her bare skin. He could feel the slight difference in texture where the figures had been printed without her consent against the smoothness of her skin. He knew if he moved just an inch that his thumb would stroke the underside of her breast so he kept his hand as still as possible when her fingers let go and her hand resumed its position on his own waist.

‘Thank you,’ she muttered and he felt a tear splash down onto his skin. He tightened his hold on her just slightly.

‘I’ll always save you,’ he said in response, his voice quiet in the room. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep for the rest of the night. The job tomorrow was going to require energy but he had done a lot more on a lot less. Right now Lucy was the only thing on his mind and her comfort was his number one priority. And if she needed him to be her source of comfort well then everything else be damned.

[kanerallels]

A little late, but the first few chapters of my first-ish Chenford fic are up! They're also prompt fulfillment for @monthly-challenge's Februfluff, day 27: stuck together. First chapter under the cut, the second is up on AO3!

Some people had a hard time believing in the impossible. Lucy Chen had never been one of those people. Sure, it probably helped that she was a vigilante who could manipulate light energy with her bare hands, but that hadn’t always been the case. There had been a time she was just like everyone else.

But that had been a long time ago. Now, when night fell, she was Lyra, one of many vigilantes that patrolled the streets of L.A., looking for people in need and crime to fight. 

Usually, her version of crime fighting saw her out on the streets in her disguise, fighting muggers. But there were the occasional circumstances that required a slightly more delicate approach. And today was one of those circumstances— a restaurant that one of her fellow vigilantes suspected was running drugs out of the back room.

Hence why she was sitting at a table in a nice dress, eating dinner across from the last person in the world she would have expected to be sitting across from about two months ago.

Lucy had met Tim Bradford approximately three months into her work as Lyra. Ex-cop turned woodworking shop owner, he’d been serious and a little grim, but respectful. Lucy had been curious about him when Jackson, her roommate, mentioned him, and had slowly gotten to know him better as time went by— his shop was a few storefronts down from the coffee shop where Lucy was currently employed.

Around the same time, she’d met Orion— the stern, incredibly boss vigilante who was known as the Huntsman by local gangs. He was notorious for his intense attitude, vicious but generally nonlethal attacks, and strict adherence to police procedure when necessary.

Lucy had mostly just found him annoying. Especially since he had a habit of showing up in the middle of her work and lecturing her on what she was doing wrong. And he called her “boot” a lot— which, thanks to being roommates with a cop, she knew what meant. This did not make it any less obnoxious.

They’d gotten off to a rough start, but it wasn’t long before Lucy found herself working with Orion more and more often. He was smart, and they made a good team. And he’d saved her life more times than she could count at this point— although it was definitely true the other way around as well. Which Lucy never let him forget.

All things considered, she shouldn’t have been surprised to find out Orion was Tim. The attitude, some of the jokes, the rookie cop nickname and the stickler for procedure attitude? It made perfect sense.

Somehow, it had still surprised her when she found out. Although her reaction had definitely surprised Tim, and Lucy snorted in amusement at the memory.

Glancing up from his steak, Tim lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing,” Lucy said, waving a hand. “Just— do you remember when I found out who you were?”

“You mean when I found out who you were?” Tim corrected her. “I basically handed it to you on a platter.”

Rolling her eyes, Lucy said, “As if I didn’t do the same thing for you. Anyways, I was just thinking about it, how I reacted.”

“Oh, I remember that part pretty well,” Tim said with a dramatic wince, and Lucy scoffed.

“If you didn’t want to get slapped, you shouldn’t have called me boot so many times.”

“You’re sounding a little too pleased with yourself there, Chen.”

“Uh-huh.” Holding back a grin, Lucy glanced around the restaurant again. It was a nice place, with a bar at the back and instrumental music playing in the background, overlaid with people’s conversation. You wouldn’t think a place like this would be a front of some kind.

“Hey.” Tim’s voice cut through her thoughts, and she looked back at him. His expression serious, he said, “Stay sharp. Just because it’s got a pretty cover doesn’t mean the Ghost’s intel is off. Generally, she knows what she’s talking about.”

Nodding, Lucy said, “Right, got it. But— how exactly do we find what we’re looking for, here? I mean, we’re probably not going to just stumble across a cash exchange— and even if we did, we’re civilians right now.”

“Which is why tonight is about surveillance and keeping a low profile,” Tim told her. “We watch the waiters and the rest of the staff, and if we can, we’ll get a look inside the kitchens. Anything we can get pictures or proof of, we bring to Lopez, and she gets a search warrant.”

“Got it.” Tapping her fingers against the tabletop, Lucy resisted the urge to look around the restaurant again. No matter how much she wanted to catch these people, she couldn’t make herself conspicuous. It was better to focus on what was in front of her instead.

Namely, Tim, who looked just as impatient as she felt— if the people around them were supposed to think this was a date, they weren’t giving much of an impressive performance. Time to change things up a little.

Leaning forward, Lucy said, “Okay. Tell me about work.”

“What?”

Lucy couldn’t hold back a grin at Tim’s baffled expression. “Come on— we’re supposed to be on a date. If we just sit here in impatient silence, that’s not really going to sell it.”

Nodding, Tim said, “Good point. Uh… work was good. Celina’s finally learning how to use the woodstain without getting it everywhere, which is an upside. She’s a good kid, though. Nolan was right to hire her— don’t tell them I said that, though.”

“What, do you think they’ll figure out that you have a heart?” Lucy said, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly. I can’t be seen as the good guy here, you know.” Tim quipped back, and she laughed.

“I’m pretty sure that ship has long since sailed.”

“That’s not what you said when we first met.”

Rolling her eyes, Lucy said, “Okay, that barely counts. You were intentionally mean then— wait. Which time are we talking about?”

“Which time are you talking about?” Tim countered.

“The second first time,” Lucy said. “You showed up and immediately started telling me everything I was doing wrong—”

“To be fair, you could have been killed if I hadn’t—”

“—and you wouldn’t stop calling me boot. The first first time you were a lot nicer. Or… less mean, at least.”

“Because you were a customer,” Tim said, taking a drink from his glass of water, “not a rookie vigilante who was about to let a two bit criminal stab her because she hadn’t secured him properly.”

Pointing at him, Lucy said, “See, if this was a real date, this is the part where I’d throw a glass of water in your face and stomp off dramatically.”

Holding up his hands, Tim said, “Hey, you’ve improved a lot since then.”

“Improved?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?”

Tapping her finger against her chin thoughtfully, Lucy said, “Hmm. How about… “Lucy, you’re the best rookie I’ve ever trained”?”

“First of all, I already said that you were one of the best,” Tim pointed out. “Second of all, you’re not a cop, so it barely even counts.”

“It counts!”

Tim opened his mouth to argue, but something caught Lucy’s eye— a man moving towards the kitchen. In one hand, he held a briefcase, and Lucy could make out the clear outlines of a gun under his suit coat.

“Tim,” she said quietly. His gaze snapped to her immediately, and she nodded to the man disappearing into the kitchen. 

Understanding flashed across his face, and she saw his hand twitch, the way it did when he wanted to reach for a gun he no longer wore at his side. “Let’s go,” he said, getting to his feet.

Lucy rose and followed him across the wide main room. None of the other customers so much as glanced at them, and Lucy silently thanked her lucky stars for that.

The main room was partitioned off by low wooden walls framing, but not completely obscuring the dining area. To their left, a walkway led to the entrance. To the right there were two doorways— one leading to the bathrooms. The other at the end of the hall, a swinging door, opened into the kitchen.

As they moved around the corner, Lucy glanced at Tim. “Hey— let me take the first look,” she said, keeping her voice low. “It might look less suspicious if I’m spotted then if you are.”

He gave a brief nod, hanging back a little. As Lucy headed towards the kitchen door, she couldn’t hold back a flicker of pleasure. It couldn’t have been that long ago that Tim wouldn’t have trusted her with this role. Things had changed a lot between them.

Coming to a stop next to the door, Lucy peered over the low swinging door. There was the usual bustle of a restaurant kitchen— cooks weaving their way around each other, the clatter of pans and sounds of voices.

And then Lucy spotted the man with the briefcase. He was talking to another man, with short blond hair and a scar cutting across his brow. The two of them spoke in voices low enough that Lucy couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. 

The briefcase sat open on the counter in between them, the contents obscured by the blond man. If I can just get a better angle… Quietly, Lucy stepped closer, her hand coming to rest on the top of the door as she peered into the kitchen.

She caught a brief glimpse of what could only be cash— stacks of it, lining the inside of the briefcase— before the door under her hand moved slightly, letting out what felt like a shatteringly loud creak.

Both men turned at the sound. Lucy’s heart nearly stopped, and she ducked away, turning her face so they wouldn’t catch sight of her. She couldn’t hear what they were saying over the noise in the kitchen, but she knew criminals. They were paranoid, and with good reason. Which meant there would be someone out here to check in a few seconds.

She sensed rather than saw Tim moving up behind her. “They saw you?”

“Only barely,” Lucy said. Her heart had regained momentum, and was pounding against her collarbone now. “But someone’s going to be out here soon.”

It wouldn’t be long— and they wouldn’t be able to make it back to their table without being spotted. Better to stay here and come up with an excuse, and there was only one that Lucy could think of.

Spinning to face him, she said, “Kiss me.”

His jaw dropped, just slightly. “What?”

Lucy caught what sounded like a creak behind them. Abandoning any pretense of explaining the situation to Tim, she caught hold of his face, and kissed him.

He didn’t freeze, which shouldn’t have surprised her. Tim was a natural at adapting, and they’d been working together long enough that it wouldn’t be too hard for him to pick up on what was going on.

What did surprise her was the kiss. It was supposed to be awkward, embarrassing even, to kiss Tim. It was supposed to be something she wanted to get over with quickly, and not linger on.

It was none of those things. It was the opposite, and so much more. Her heart was pounding and she knew there was something she was supposed to remember, but all she could really register was Tim— his lips against hers, his hand at her waist, tangling in the fabric of her dress.

And then someone cleared their throat, loud enough that it broke through the trance she was in and reminded Lucy where she was, and why. Pulling back, she made eye contact with the man who’d been carrying the briefcase.

Before he could have a chance to speak, she did. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Lucy said, letting an embarrassed half-smile cross her face. She was pretty sure she was a little flushed, which definitely couldn’t hurt the illusion. “We, ah, we didn’t realize anyone was back here, did we?”

For a minute, she didn’t know if Tim would chime in— he was completely still. Lucy could feel his heart beating against her palm resting on his chest. But then he said, “Nope. Is this area off limits?”

“No,” the man said after a brief pause. “But the kitchen is. Why don’t you two go back to your seats?”

Lucy shrugged, flicking a nonchalant look at Tim. “I guess this can wait until later. Come on, babe.”

Catching hold of his hand, Lucy gently tugged Tim after her, forcing herself to move casually and not look back. When they reached their table, she sank into her chair and looked down at her half empty plate. As Tim sat across from her, she asked quietly, “Is he still watching us?”

“He just turned and went back into the kitchen,” Tim told her, and Lucy let out a long breath.

Finally, she looked up at him. His expression was set in the Tim Bradford Cop Expression, which was… understandable, honestly. “Hey— I’m sorry about springing that on you,” Lucy told him, feeling herself flush a little. “It just seemed like the best move at the time.”

“It was,” Tim said, shrugging. “It kept us from getting caught, so, you know. Good work on that.”

“Yeah, you too,” Lucy said, and nearly groaned at her own words. Things were awkward now— and why wouldn’t they be? It made a lot more sense for things to feel awkward than for them to feel… the way they had earlier.

She shoved the thought aside as Tim said, “I don’t think we’re going to get anything else here tonight. Should we—”

“Call a night, yeah,” Lucy finished for him. “Great idea. We can debrief and regroup tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.” Tim turned and waved for a waiter, and Lucy sat back in her chair, holding back a wince.

They paid for their dinner and left the restaurant. Tim had driven them there, so he drove her back to her place first, and walked her up to her apartment. When they reached the door, Lucy hesitated before she went in.

“We’re okay, right?” she asked. The rest of the thoughts that had been boiling in her head came rushing out as she continued. “I— I know it was out of nowhere and— and weird, right? Obviously it was weird, I just know that PDA makes people uncomfortable, so the guy wouldn’t have questioned it as much, and… yeah.”

Tim had waited patiently through her whole rant. When she finally trailed off, he said, “Lucy. It’s fine. I was a cop, remember? I wasn’t a UC, but I still get it. It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh— of course, right,” Lucy said, a little twinge going through her. Of course he’d get it. And of course it wouldn’t affect him. She should never have thought otherwise, even for a second. “Okay, glad we got that settled. Um— talk to you tomorrow?”

“Talk to you tomorrow, Chen.”

And then Lucy was stepping into her apartment, the door was closing behind her, and she was pretty sure she had a headache.

So she did the logical thing and went to bed before Jackson or Tamara could show up and interrogate her about her date or who she’d been with, internally swearing to not think about the whole thing until tomorrow.

Her dreams had other plans. It was like her traitorous brain insisted on reminding her of the kiss— replaying parts of it over and over again until it was hard not to think about it.

Which was stupid. She didn’t have any reason to think about this so much, Lucy reminded herself as she got up to have breakfast before work. It was just one kiss. Didn’t mean anything, especially not from Tim of all people.

Right, her mind said. Tim. Who you used to be interested in. And WHY did she have to remember that right at this moment?

So she’d been interested in him when they first met. She’d been curious about the admittedly handsome, stern stranger who only softened on very rare occasions. But it hadn’t been long before it had been clear to Lucy that Tim wasn’t looking for romance, with her or anyone else. So she’d stuck with just friends, especially after finding out he was Orion. Romance with Orion was unthinkable on a level she couldn’t begin to comprehend.

Or it had been, anyways.

Okay, enough of that. Lucy pushed the thought out of her mind. And continued to do so as she got ready and went into work.

Lucy had worked at Wellington’s Coffee for almost a year now. It was a nice shop— the decor practical and sturdy, matching the personality of the owner, and the wide windows at the front filled the blue walled shop with light. And, luckily for Lucy, she clocked in today right when the lunch rush started. So she had plenty of time to take her mind off of the fiasco that was last night.

Not that that stopped her co-workers from bombarding her with questions. And they weren’t the only ones.

“So, did I hear you went on a date last night?”

As Lucy passed Aaron his coffee, she frowned at him. “Where did you hear that?”

“If I tell you, will you answer the question?” he countered. The younger man was a usual at their shop, and a good friend. He was also a little too invested in Lucy’s love life ever since she’d asked for his advice on how to break up with her last boyfriend. 

Sighing, Lucy said, “Yes. To both, but it wasn’t a big deal— I don’t think we’re going to go out again.”

Aaron’s eyebrows went up. “Really? Cause that’s not what I heard.”

Lucy frowned. “Okay, where exactly are you getting this information?”

“Uh—”

“Lucy!”

Both she and Aaron looked up at the voice calling her name. Tim was striding across the coffeeshop towards her, his expression serious. Which was pretty on brand for him, but Lucy had gotten good at reading the different types of seriousness. There was definitely something wrong right now.

Giving Aaron a brief nod, he turned to her. “Hey. We need to talk.”

“Okay,” Lucy said. “I don’t think anyone’s using the break room right now— follow me.”

She moved out from behind the counter and towards the door marked “employees only” at the back of the shop, Tim on her heels. As she moved, she saw her co-worker, Dark, moving out of the back room, and waved to get his attention. “Hey— I’m taking my break. Can you watch the register?”

“...sure,” Dark said slowly, his voice making it clear he had some questions. Most likely about Tim being there— but honestly, Lucy had neither the time nor energy to handle that.

The break room was, as predicted, empty. Lucy didn’t bother taking a seat, but turned to face Tim. “Okay— what’s up?”

He hesitated, which was definitely rare for him. “Ah… okay. We were seen last night?”

Frowning, Lucy said, “Wait. What do you mean— we weren’t even there as Lyra and Orion, how could we be seen?”

“Not… that kind of seen,” Tim said. “My former watch commander was there having dinner. With his wife.”

What does— and then it clicked, and Lucy’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh, no— did they see—”

“If he and Luna’s visit to the shop this morning, and her comments about the lovely young woman I had with me are anything to judge by… yeah.”

“Crap,” Lucy whispered, with as much emphasis as she could muster up. Starting to pace back and forth, she rubbed a hand across her forehead. “Okay. This is fine— we can figure this out. I mean, we can’t tell them we were undercover, but we can figure this out. What did you tell them?”

Grimacing, Tim said, “That it was a one time thing, and they were reading too much into it. I don’t think they bought it— and they’re not the only ones who know. Luna told their daughter, who’s friends with Nolan’s kid, who told him, who told Celina—”

“Who told Aaron,” Lucy finished, the realization hitting her like a bus. “That explains a lot. Ugh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for this to blow up this way.”

“Hey,” Tim said, his voice stern but with just a hint of gentleness that definitely didn’t make Lucy’s heart flutter. Because that would be absurd. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have predicted this.”

“Couldn’t have predicted our friends being incredibly nosy?” Lucy said, lifting an eyebrow.

“Well, that’s pretty much a given at this point,” Tim said wryly. “But it’s still not your fault. They’ll forget about this after a week or two— let’s not worry about it right now.”

“Right,” Lucy said, nodding. “Focus on the job instead. Um… oh! I saw what was in the briefcase last night.”

She gave Tim a quick recap of what she’d seen, from the cash to the man with the scar who’d received it. He listened with a deep, thoughtful frown, not speaking until she finished her description. “I’ll have to check with Lopez— but that does sound like a felon she’s been watching for a while now— Valen Rudor, I think. Guy’s got a long list of charges, and a warrant out for his arrest. But if we can’t get proof he’s there—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucy said, nodding slowly. “Okay— any ideas how?”

“Actually, yeah,” Tim said. “It involves going back to that restaurant again tonight, and you doing some light sneaking while I start a fight. You game?”

Oh, this was a bad idea. After the first time, putting herself in a situation where she had to pretend to be Tim’s date again? There was potential for this to end very badly.

But there was a dangerous felon out there who needed to be stopped, and Lucy didn’t back down from a fight. “Count me in,” she said.After all, she thought as she headed back to work, what’s the worst that could happen?

[wafflesinthe504]

The Rookie 5x16 Thoughts

Spoilers for The Rookie 5x16 below. If you've watched the episode or don't care about spoilers, please enjoy!

The official Valentine's Day episode has finally arrived!! I loved that each and every couple was given their own time to shine and small storylines throughout the episode. From Chenford to Wopez, to NyJa, and of course Jailey everyone had their own arguments/disagreements that were of course finished by the end of the episode and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Everyone having to deal with the craziest and most dangerous Valentine's Day yet.

Sidenote to all of the couples I also really enjoyed finally seeing Celina start develop her own arc separate from her training as a cop. I was happy to finally understand why her mother hadn't left the house in so long and I just really appreciate how much we've seen Celina's character grow so far. I'm really interested to see how her story plays out and can't wait to learn more about what really happened to her sister and if Celina (and her mom) are able to get the closure that they need.

Also I wish that this episode wasn't a body cam episode. While I think that using the bodycams can be a cool technique I don't think that this technique goes well for episodes that are supposed to be very character centric. This is because the shots that can be used are more limited since where the cameras are placed technically have to make since and because the cameras themselves are static. It doesn't help that due to the cameras field of view it sometimes makes it hard to figure out where in the scene I'm supposed to be focused on. The bodycam as the cameras should really only be used like once a season.

The Chenford cold open was so much fun. From Lucy and Tim sleeping together and Tim just cuddled into Lucy (so cute and soft), to seeing Lucy immediately jumping into action when she realizes that something is wrong with her one of her old UC pals and Tim jumping in with her to back her up just in case (they're just so in sync and I love it). I really enjoyed getting that glimpse of seeing Lucy back in UC. I really hope we see more of her doing UC operations even if they're just short-term ones. My guess is that we probably won't see Lucy go full UC until Celina is done with her Rookie period so that they have someone to pair Aaron up with for patrol.

Noah and Lucy's banter was so fun to watch along with Tim's reaction to it. I really want to know where the HotPants joke came from. Like what happened that Lucy got the nickname HotPants. Here's hoping we get some insight into Lucy's time at UC school. Also, how much does Noah know about Tim for him to be like 'oh that Bradford.' Our girl loves this mac so much she probably couldn't stop talking about him to her UC friends.

I wonder how Tim felt when he saw/ heard Lucy act as a UC for that short period of time and then later on when Noah brought up the idea of becoming full time UC because of how good she is at it. The audience and Tim know just how good of a UC Lucy is and I think its going to be interesting to see if Lucy does end up becoming a full-time UC and if she does how that would affect their relationship.

Continuing on into the show I was really excited to see Lucy and Tim riding together again. I thought that once Tim moved divisions that we wouldn't see them riding together again, but I'm happy to be proven wrong.

Angela teasing Tim about finally having a date for Valentine's Day.

Of course everyone could see from a mile away that Tim and Lucy's argument would be about Lucy going behind Tim's back to help him get the metro position. I appreciate that the writers didn't feel the need to try to blow the whole argument out of proportion in an attempt to raise the stakes of their relationship. I'm satisfied with how the argument was handled and how they made up at the end.

The introductory Wopez scene in this episode was so good. Both of them being out sync with each other showing just how much everything that's happening is weighing on them. I enjoyed the gag of the extra security being a woman instead of a man and seeing Angela's reaction. I loved when Wesley called Angela and she accidentally tells him about the gas and then she sees the bodyguard in the background holding Jack and she just hangs up the phone.

Wesley really was out here just trying to make the best of Valentine's Day and it just wasn't in the cards for them.

That ending though with them receiving that messed up gift from Elijah Stone was a good cliffhanger and a good lead into next week's crossover.

I really hope for next week's crossover that it actually acts as a true crossover and not just one character from each show just showing up for like a minute before disappearing.

Bonus: Everyone's reaction to the bodyguard. Both Celina and Grey telling Angela to get that woman out of her house and away from Wesley while Aaron is just over here trying to find a date for Valentine's Day was just so funny. Moments like this where the whole crew is interacting with each other are always great to watch.

I always love and appreciate when we get to see Nyla and James together they are such a great couple. I was surprised that we got to see as much of them together as we did this episode. Their argument about the creepy bear cam that James' mom had gotten for Leah was probably the most realistic argument that we saw. I could see both parties sides but, I really like the moment with Nyla and Aaron where Aaron helped Nyla see why James' mom wanted access to the link and how that realization helped Nyla at the end helped her James come to a compromise that worked in the favor of everyone.

I hope we get to see an arc for them in the future where they sort of get to be the put at the forefront of the story for a little while. I just really want to see more of them and their family.

Wopez has been getting a lot of attention so, I hope that NyJa get their time to shine as well.

And finally, Jailey. Of course, their first official fight is on Valentine's Day. I was quite relieved that they weren't left out of the couples who were having issues and we got to see them not being some amazing perfect couple.

As soon as John took that phone from Bailey I already knew that that was going to be the start of their argument. One might think for someone who has been married before that doing that is like an instant argument starter.

Even though I enjoyed their argument and seeing how it was resolved it would have been nice to see some other indications of Bailey not being able to ask for help and why John felt it was necessary to take matters in his own hands. We know that John is absolutely the type of person to constantly want to fix a person's problem, but it would have been nice to see Bailey's inability to ask for help. As I've probably said before even though these two are supposed to be the main couple of the show they generally get little meaningful character and relationship development that makes us as the audience really care about them.

______________________________________________________________

Bonus: Little addition about the plot itself I think that the character and relationships this episode were truly the standout feature and since it was such a character driven episode I think that it would have benefitted from choosing one case to focus on. I think if just one of the cases were chosen for this episode it would have only helped to create different character dynamics and we would have been able to continue to focus on the issues that the characters were facing in their relationship.

With everything that happened in the previous episode and what's going to be happening in the next episodes it was quite easy to tell that this was more a filler episode than anything and it wouldn't have hurt to just lean into that and let the characters shine even more.

______________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed. If you want come chat with me in the comments about anything The Rookie related.

Until next time have a good day or night!

[you-a-southpaw-doll]

Another One Bites The Dust (AOBTD) ~ Chapter 22

Warning(s): Explicit Language. Fluff - Negan’s being a soft boy! Angst. Childbirth. Mentions of a lost kid. 

If you wanna be added to my taglist, feel free to let me know and I’ll add you! :) 

Taglist: @negans-network , @thamberlina , @prettyboynegan , @mychemicalimagines  @rockinkel21

Previous Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.  Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Twenty-One. 

Chapter 22 ~ Lost In This Moment

I scream out in pain and tightly squeeze Tim and Jeffrey’s hands. I hear them both grunt slightly. Tears are streaming down my face, but there’s not anything I can do ‘bout it right now. I’m in too much pain.

“C’mon. Push again, Leigh.” I hear Carson say. “You’re almost done.”

I yell out again as I do. The pain is unbearable. I feel a wet pop between my legs and a moment later hear a tiny wail. I relax slightly once I hear the noise. My brief moment of relaxing is over as quickly as it started. I feel the immense need to push again, and I do, screaming in pain again.

“Doc? What’s wrong?” Jeffrey asks.

“Nothing. Leigh, I need you to push again.” Carson says.

I do. He has me push eight more times before I feel another wet pop between my legs. I hear another wail as my head hits the pillow behind me.

“Doc?” Tim asks.

I don’t hear Carson’s response since everything goes black for me.

“How’s she doin’?” Negan asks, softly.

“She’s still out. Doc says she’ll be fine. She just needs to rest. She’ll wake up soon.” Jeffrey replies, his voice cracking.

I try to wiggle my fingers a little bit, but I’m met with some resistance that’s warm to the touch. I hear a gasp.

“Baby?” Tim asks; his voice soft and full of hesitant hope.

I groan. My entire body hurts like hell. I struggle to open my eyes, but I finally manage to do so. Thankfully, the bright lights are off. I try to look ‘round, but I can’t see much since I’m laying on my back.

“Baby. You’re awake!” Tim says, happily.

His face peers over mine, and I can tell he’s been crying. He leans down and gently kisses my forehead. He moves away for a moment and I hear quiet whispers from my left somewhere. When he’s back beside me, he’s helping me sit up a little bit. 

He props the pillows up behind my back before reaching over to grab something. He holds a cup with a straw near my lips. I eagerly drink the liquid, realizing it’s water. Since it’s coming through a straw, I have to drink it slowly. Regardless, it feels really good going down my throat.

“Thank you.” I croak out.

He just nods and kisses my forehead again before setting the cup down again.

“Doll?” I hear Jeffrey ask.

I turn my head slightly and look to my left. Jeffrey’s sitting on the edge of the bed, holding two blanket-wrapped bundles. I give him a small smile.

“Hi, honey.” I murmur.

His bottom lip quivers. “Hey, sweetheart.”

He moves to sit next to me. That’s when I realize that I’m laying in my bed. The bed I share with my loving husbands. Tim’s sitting on my right side, facing me, with one hand clutching mine. Jeffrey sits on my left side, facing me. Tim reaches over and gets one of the bundles from Jeffrey’s arms. 

I hear a tiny wail as soon as Tim has a gentle, but secure, hold of the bundle. The wail stops once Tim has the bundle cradled in his arms, against his chest.

“Hey, darlin’. We’ve got two people who’d loved to meet you.” Tim says.

“Two?” I ask, slightly confused.

He grins. “Yes, darlin’. Two. You gave us twins.”

“Negan was right.”

“What do you mean?”

“The day I felt the baby – well, babies – kick for the first time, Negan was there ‘cause it was shortly before the talent show. He felt ‘em kick, and mentioned that he thought I was carrying twins.”

“Why? How did he know?”

“He explained that when he felt his son kick when Lucille was pregnant, that it would almost always be on one side of her stomach, and they’d feel the baby move before he kicked on the other side. When I got kicked, it came from both sides, and there wasn’t any obvious movement to suggest the baby had moved ‘round in my tummy to kick the other side so quickly.”

“Negan was gonna be a father?” Jeffrey asks, quietly, and clearly shocked.

“I was. Yes.” Negan says.

I jump slightly and groan from the pain that jolts through my body. I look over to see my brother-in-law standing in the doorway. For once, I can’t tell what his emotions are. I have no idea if he’s mad at me for something or not. I hope he’s not mad at me for telling Jeffrey and Tim ‘bout his unborn son; I thought they already knew. 

He walks closer to the bed, and sits right beside me, in front of Jeffrey.

“I’m sorry, Negan. I thought they knew. I wouldn’t have said anything if I knew that they didn’t.” I apologize.

“Shhh. It’s ok, Half Pint.” He soothes, gently wrapping his arm ‘round me. “It’s ok. I should’ve told ‘em. You did nothing wrong.”

I nod my head against his shoulder. At least he’s not pissed off at me.

“I was gonna have a little boy. But, there was an accident and we lost him. Then, Lucille got cancer, and I lost her too. And then the world ended.” Negan says, softly, and I realize he’s addressing his brother and brother-in-law.

“I’m so sorry, brother. I never knew.” Jeffrey says.

“Lucy and I wanted to wait to say somethin’ till she was further along. In case somethin’ happened to our little boy. The day we were gonna call you was the day we lost him. I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone and call. Two weeks later, she was diagnosed with the cancer. Months later, she passed away. That day, the apocalypse hit the area. I was just too distraught and caught up in grief over losing ‘em both, I didn’t call you to tell you.”

The room’s silent for a few moments. I snuggle up to Negan’s side as much as I can as a way to comfort him. He just tightens his arm ‘round me, being careful not to hurt me.

“So…can I see my niece and nephew?” He asks after several minutes.

“Niece and nephew?” I ask.

Jeffrey chuckles. “Yes, baby. We have a little girl and a little boy.”

I smile. Jeffrey leans forward to hand me the baby in his arms. I realize it’s a little girl. My little girl. I hold her close to me as I look down at her. She’s so precious. So perfect. She has her father’s nose and my eyes. She looks more like Tim than she does Jeffrey. 

I brush her ginger-colored curls back from her forehead and smile. She’s got her little hand curled up into a tiny fist, resting against her cheek, and her eyes are closed. A tear rolls down my cheek as I look at my baby girl. I look up when I feel the bed move slightly. 

Tim’s leaning forward to hand me the baby in his arms. I cradle him in my other arm. I look down at my son. He’s absolutely precious. He looks more like Jeffrey with tanner skin than his sister, and a mop of black curls on his head. I feel another tear roll down my cheek.

I’ve got my babies in my arms, my husbands sitting beside me, and my brother-in-law next to me. I get lost in this moment of having my family so close to me. Everything else seems to slip away. I forget ‘bout the pain I’m in, the fact that there’s dead’uns walkin’ ‘round outside, and that the world’s already ended. 

My world is right here, and it’s just beginning.

“Hey, Half Pint. Can I see one of the munchkins?” Negan asks softly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I nod and he reaches forward for my daughter. He cradles her tiny body in the crook of one of his big arms. She looks extra small when he’s holding her, but he’s gentle with her. Looking at him, holding his niece, I realize that he would’ve definitely made a great father. 

He just grins from ear-to-ear as he gazes down at her.

“You know…this is the first time I’ve held a baby since Cousin Johnny had his third kid when we were teenagers.” He says, glancing up to look at Jeffrey.

My husband laughs. “Has it really been that long? I’d’ve never known. You’re a pro when it comes to holding babies.”

Negan chuckles. “I’ll take that as a compliment?”

“It was meant as one. I might get you to teach me your ways.”

Negan smirks. “It’s gonna cost you.”

“Oh really?”

“Yep. I want to be able to see the kiddos whenever.”

Jeffrey shares a look with Tim and I, before grinning at his brother. “I think that can be arranged.”

“Unless I’m feedin’ ‘em, or they’re sleepin’, then you can always see ‘em whenever you want.” I say.

Negan grins. “Ok. That works for me. Have y’all decided on names yet?”

“We decided on a girl’s name in hopes that we got a girl. We haven’t decided on a boy’s name. Leigh said she had an idea, but wouldn’t ever say anythin’ ‘bout what it was.” Tim says.

“What’s the girl’s name?”

“Roselyn Anne Rayne Hall-Morgan.”

Negan looks down at me. “And your idea for a boy’s name?”

I hesitate. “I wanted to get your permission first.”

“If you’re gonna ask what I think you’re gonna ask, the answer’s already yes.”

I smile. I can tell he’s serious and that it’s ok with him for me to use the name I’ve thought ‘bout naming my son if I ended up having a little boy.

‘Thank you.”

He smiles. “No. Thank you.”

I look at my husbands. “I’d like our son’s name to be Samuel Dean Isaac Hall-Morgan.”

Jeffrey cocks his head and smiles. “I like it.”

Tim grins. “Me too.”

I look up at Negan. His eyes are watering.

“I fuckin’ love it.” He whispers.

I smile. “Me too.”

I look down at my son who now carries the name of his late cousin.

“Where’d you get the idea for the name for our son?” Tim asks.

“It was gonna be my son’s name.” Negan says, his voice cracking.

“Is that why you didn’t say anythin’ to us, doll?” Jeffrey asks.

I nod. “I wanted to make sure it was ok with Negan before I brought the idea up to y’all.”

Jeffrey looks at his brother. “Here, let me take Rosie.”

I smile at the nickname for our daughter. Negan reluctantly hands her to her father. I look at my husbands and they both nod. Negan goes to get up, but I place a hand on his elbow, stopping him. I hand Samuel to him. He cradles my little boy gently. 

A tear rolls down his cheek. I’ve only seen him cry once before, and that was when I found out that he was gonna be a father, but never got the chance to be one. Negan gently tugs the blanket down and rubs his thumb across his nephew’s cheek. 

The little boy’s eyes open, and Negan lets out a choked gasp. He starts freely crying now.

“He’s got mum’s eyes, Jeffrey.” He sobs, looking up at his older brother.

Jeffrey hands our little girl to her other father before he shifts and moves so that he’s sitting directly beside his twin brother, and his son. He peers over and looks at his little boy. He lets out the same strangled gasp that Negan did.

“He sure as shit does.” He agrees, quietly.

Negan lowers his head and kisses his nephew’s forehead. Jeffrey wraps his arms ‘round his brother, being mindful of the infant. I watch as the two brothers embrace one another. Tim moves so that he can sit right beside me. I snuggle up to his side. 

He holds our little girl with one arm and wraps his other one ‘round me, holding me close.

“You ok, sweetheart?” He asks.

I nod. “I’m just tired.”

“Get some sleep, babygirl. We’ve got the kids.”

I nod. “I love you.”

“And, I love you.”

I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head. My eyes drift closed.

“Tell Jeffrey I love him too.” I murmur.

“I will, darlin’.”

[coffee-randomness]

Nobody compares

Here’s the thing.

Jen, Faith and Gigi all belong to @melyaliz Maia belongs to @royslittleharper Annabella belongs to @the-shadow-of-atlantis Adi belongs to @werewitchling and lastly, Lucy belongs to me.

Word count: 796

There’s a tingling sensation running through his skin when he sees her and thank gods, she’s too concentrated to even notice him staring from the other side of the room.

Dick’s chest feels heavy, so heavy it actually hurts. He hides his frown behind a sip of wine, nodding at something someone says, his eyes not leaving her figure.

Seeing her all dolled up always had that effect on him, he would just stare at her with the most tiny of grins for a few minutes and then compliment her with nonsenses for the rest of the night. That, when they were together. But now all he could do is look from a distance. And the knowledge of that makes his stomach sink.

Jen then does the worst thing she could have, as if she could sense his eyes following her every move: she smiles.

The pink lipstick suits her wonderfully, her lips part and arch and he catches a glance of her teeth and of the way the corner of her eyes wrinkle with delight. In another time he would have been there. He would have been the cause of her laughter and he would have laugh with her.

Dick’s breath hitches slightly and suddenly he just wants to walk across the ballroom and wrap his arms around her. 

He knows it’s stupid. He knows he can’t, at least, not in the way he wishes to.

Someone pulls the end of his tux and he fidgets, holding the cup tighter in his hands. The red liquid jumps with him, turning in the borders of the glass and spilling over his shoes.

“Grayson!” The voice demands and he looks down to find a furrowed Damian glaring daggers at him “I’ve been trying to establish a proper conversation with you all night, still your thoughts seem to be everywhere but here”

“Oh, I’m sorry” He manages to mutter.

Damian raises an eyebrow and Annabella pats him on the shoulder with a smile he can’t quite understand. There’s knowledge on her eyes and he averts his gaze from hers, no point in talking about it.

“You okay?” Kaldur ask, but he barely hears him.

His attention is traveling across the room again. He sees Faith, giggling at the way Tim awkwardly holds her while slow dancing, Jason, grinning as he whispers something in the ear of a very flustered Lucy, and Roy, lifting a finger to his lips, asking for silence when he catches him and Maia sneaking out of the party holding hands, shortly followed by Gigi and Bart, going out but in another direction.

He sees the dress she’s wearing. Tight in all the right places and of a blue so intense that he wonders how he had not noticed it before that moment.

Dick had always liked the way Jen’s skin makes contrast with blue. It makes her cheeks adopt a lovely pink tone, and her hair look darker. There’s the heavy feeling in his chest again and he realizes that truly, he would never be able to find someone like her.

She’s so beautiful, he thinks, and I let her go.

Nobody compares to her, not in looks nor intelligence. Not in the way she was capable of making his heart beat faster even without touching him, even without looking at him.

Annabella sighs and Dick flinches when she pushes his back.

“Just go talk to her, it’s not that hard”

His eyes go to his sister’s face and she rolls her eyes, pushing him again. Damian mutters something angrily and Kaldur answers him with a nod.

Richard takes a deep breath, perhaps she was right. He starts walking, perhaps it wasn’t that hard after all. Bruce raises his glass at him with the polite expression he adopts when talking in rich social circles and he returns the gesture without stopping.

With the corner of his eyes he spots Jason wrapping his arms around Lucy’s shoulders with frown, she seems even more flustered than before as Jason says something to a frightened man. But he doesn’t stop to see any of it.

He hears Faith laughing and Tim whining behind her as he chaces her around the ballroom, and he finds himself behind Jennifer.

She has not noticed him yet, too submerged in her conversation with Adi and Jaime.

He looks at her exposed neck and touches her shoulder. Jen turns around with a smile and Dick swallows the impulse of touching her lips with his along with the feelings he didn’t know he had catched and pecks her cheek lightly.

“Hey Jen” He says, trying his best to sound as casual and cheery as always.

“Oh, hello Dickiebird!” Jen greets and the nickname digs a hole in his stomach, but he smiles anyways.

[dinoalexander]

The Semi Quotable 2017 Part 5

“applebee’s is literally begging to give away their food.” – Christine Teigen

“In the car w/husband, I offered $20 and a blowjob immediately if he could guess the official title. He did not win.” – @SteelyDanRather on the title announcement for Solo: A Star Wars Story

“280 tweets look like serial killer manifestos” – Scott Aukerman

“Dick Versace had two goals in 1989: guide the Pacers to the playoffs and beat Ricky Steamboat as many times as possible.” – Super 70’s Sports

“It’s D-Day and (Robert) Mueller secured the beaches before noon. Run Nazis.” – Mark Frost on the indictment of Michael Flynn

“The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.” – Luke Skywalker

"The answer is either ass, boobs, or dick." -Jordan

"For the sake of salvaging whats left of the positions dignity for President of the United States...can someone in his staff please for the love of God delete Trumps twitter account? Its now gone from one of the most prestigious positions to "worlds most cringe worthy Twitter handle" in less than 6 months." -Steve

"Plague!!!!!!" -Block

"Donald Trump deals in bullshit the way a bovine fertilizer salesman deals in...well, bullshit." -C

"Sometimes you're the Galactic Empire, sometimes you're the Rebel Alliance." -Heather

"Leave it to us to make 'The Little Mermaid' SUPER awkward." -Q

"Ted Cruz...trippin'?" -Molly B

""Live your life in such a way that Donald Trump tweets mean things about you" -David K

"I remember reading so many posts immediately after the election from people who were absolutely terrified of what was going to happen once Trump was sworn in and Republicans controlled both houses of Congress. As evidenced by the fiasco that's unfolding with the health care bill, it should be clear that you folks had nothing to worry about. Even if they had some sort of nefarious purpose they were trying to carry out in their agenda, it seems as though these guys couldn't find their ass with both hands and a GPS." -Tim

“Well then get your shit together, get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get. Your shit. Together.” -Morty Smith (Justin Roiland)

"Alright, I'm now willing to admit there is a downside to everyone wearing yoga pants in public: I can't tell which of the adults milling about at the gym are here for adult gymnastics and which are just waiting to pick up their kids." -Pam

“Byron Allen’s got me all confused.” -me whenever “Happy” plays on the radio.

"A teacher in the school is selling Girl Scout cookies. The teacher got my order. In related news, someone's daughter is going to Camp Sugarbush this summer. Also in related news, after I eat these cookies, my nickname will be Sugarbush." -Klauss

“Like THAT’s safe!” -Michael, on Quisla’s... erm, safe.

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that people die of natural causes." -Rammson

"Donald Trump doesn't understand climate change because he lives in perpetual shade." -Laura

"A close friend referred to this before and after as Exponential Degredation. He said it and he's not taking it back." -The Perfesser

"This would be the equivalent of opening up a Cracker Jack box looking for the prize and seeing it in the bottom ox a box filled with sludge. There's some cool things but do you really want to go through the sludge?" -Gordon, on "Hip Hop Squares"

"You're not minimalist. You're broke." -some guy

"Okay, so we have watermelons.... why aren't there earthmelons or airmelons or firemelons? What happened to the rest of the elemelons?" -Emily Ann

“Thanks for making me confused about my sexuality, Adam Driver. You talented douche.” -Laura

"Unicorn Frappuccinos are what happens when you try and make too much of a good thing for profit. Its the answer to a question nobody asked. It's a Bar Rescue gone horribly wrong." -C

"(As Craig Ferguson) Now he used to be a wrestler and now he's going into politics. Now the two are highly different of course. One involves people with larger than life personalities who make grandiose claims and attack their opponents constantly and the other involves spandex tights." -Brian

"Dang it, PWC! Where were you in November? We could have had Emma Stone as President!" -Clint

“Feelings are real, but they are not reality.” -Dan Harmon

"It's like you've inherited a baby alligator. He was cute for awhile and now he's a big alligator who's threatening to destroy everything but still hangs around you and calls you daddy." -Gordon

"If one of those interchangeable Kardashian chicks dressed as a stewardess interrupted Sean Spicer's press conference by handing him a Pepsi, we as a nation could begin the healing process." -Kevin

"Opened Emma's recital costume and IT WAS COVERED IN GLITTER AND NOW I AM COVERED IN GLITTER AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS COVERED IN GLITTER OMG WHYYYYYYYYYYYY" -Molly B

"It's not terrible, but you can see terrible from where we're standing." -Q

"WHERE ARE MY PANTS!!!" -Michael

"Ladies and gentlemen, my sister, the one-woman Greek chorus." -C

"I have designated February 14 as 'Catch Pokémon, Not Feelings Day'." -J-Ho Boy-Type

"Because that's what ABC thought. This party needs more Lucy Hale." -C

"If I were Samsung I would make my keynote address one sentence. "Samsung galaxy S8… This one won't light itself on fire"." -Brian

"We are not going to let another demon monster take hold and grown and run wild. We are going to nip this problem in the bud. WE ARE GOING TO KILL HITLER AS A BABY!" -Q

"To quote the great Panamanian philosopher Roberto Durán, 'No más'." -C

"I broke my banana." -Q, re: an actual banana.

"Los Angeles has two football teams, two baseball teams, two basketball teams, and two hockey teams, but no curling teams?" -Kevin

"I have to wait for the Luther breakdown to finish!" -C

“Ugh. I really wish I had something cool to say.” -Johnny Yong Bosch

"Less Donald Trump! More techno music!" -bus random to a Bop It!

"Someone told me that being verified on Twitter “really doesn’t do anything” but that person is 1) wrong and 2) head of a social media dept." -Cory

"How did you know Carolina was going to beat Duke?" -Q

"Quisla... its U.N. motherfucking C. They handle shit. Consider this shit handled." -C

"my most-recent counseling appointment had me reaching the following conclusion: i fully acknowledge that i am a jackass, and my attempts at keeping myself from being a jackass has stifled what people like in me as a consequence of not wanting others to think badly of me. so what am i to do? just be a jackass and shoulder the consequences no matter when and where it happens? not entirely -- if i am to have my moments of jackassery, i will make better efforts to steer those spells towards being a jackass for the right reasons. sometimes it takes a jackass christian speaking up when someone claims to be a christian but whose words and actions are far from the basic command of 'love one another.' sometimes fighting for the weak and powerless means being a jackass towards the mighty and powerful. sometimes only an absolute jackass would punch a nazi in the face. i'm josh eldridge. i am a jackass. i hope this admission doesn't effect our friendship." -Josh

“Kylo Ren is like a sullen, resentful jungle gym.” -Laura

"I'm going to make a screwdriver because it's cold as shit outside." -Shelly

“I’m Regis Philbin! Welcome to night 24 of Who Wants To Get Impregnated?” -Jordan

"I just can't girl right." -Shannon

"Our long national pasttime is over." -Jessica, on overlong baseball games

"You may have a problem if the Target cashier recognizes you, knows you by name, and asks if everything was good because you didn't come in on your 'normal' day. Yay! I'm a regular!" -Aryn

"I read my bed all the time! It's a Serta!" -Kitty Carrion

"Does Baby Jojo need a binky?" -C

"I sense a great migraine in the Force...as if millions of white people were trying to get woke at the same time." -Laura

"Well the inauguration is over, finally after two years we can all get back to normal and... *boots up facebook* ...and I'm going to stay off Facebook until January of 2021, cheers 🙂" -Brian

"What fruit is the state of Georgia famous for? ... Todd Chrisley." -C, at quiz night

"So, apparently as an instructor, referring to the start of a new semester as "hazing" is frowned upon." -Heather

“2017 in a nutshell: You see “Mario Batalli :(“ as a Facebook status and you say to yourself, “Dead or pervert?”” -Adam

"Fun fact: staying sane is hard." -Jordan

"If I performed my job with the same razor-sharp precision with which meteorologists perform theirs:

Boss: Is this the data you promised me three weeks ago? Because it looks like completely wrong information.

Me: Yeah, but, as you can see, I've color-coded it in lovely hues of blue, purple and pink where I thought it would make it look nice.

Boss: Yep. Looks great! Keep up the good work.

I am clearly in the wrong profession." -Molly B

"😂😂😂 if I was meant to behave, I wouldn't have been born so good at misbehaving 😛" -Emily Ann

"Seen on a group page tonight:

Everything Kirk Cameron touches turns to patriarchy." -Shrub

"In other news, 30 oz of ribeye can be converted to 0 if you just believe in yourself." -Justin S

"Bacteria gets me so hard." -Jordan

"Oh REALLY..." -Q, reaching for Jordan's pants

"Who here loves animals but hates that Sarah Maclachlan commercial?" -Sweet Tea Shakespeare guy

“Hey... I run them miles. I’m slow as fuck, but I run them miles.” -C

"Trying to stay positive in a world full of assholes is like trying to shovel hot jello from a wheel barrow using a pitch fork with only one prong!" -Sheila

"If there's one thing I learned in college, it's: never underestimate the power of an icy, cold shower beer. Thanks guys!" -Dahlia

"No, no, no. I can't have penises all over my car tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe, but no penises tonight." -Nicole W

"Maybe for Lent Trump should just give up." -George Takei

"She wanted someone to take the pickle, so I did." -C

"Too... many... JOKES!" -Brian

"Saw the Barca result. Ah, so that is why folks riot." -Steve P

“I can’t have weird Chico. I live with him.” -Q

"Yay sports! Spoooooooorts!" -Milana Vayntrub

"You're at a bar. Playing bar trivia. Against an IQA ranked quizzer and his sister who would also be IQA ranked if she made the trip to Raleigh with me that morning. We are naturally expressive people within our family. That comes from being the children of Carlos and Olivia Alexander. We laugh together, we love together, we cook, fight, and emote together. And when we win, we emote like hell. If you don't like it when we win, next time bring smarter friends. Until then, get the fuck over it." -the son of Carlos & Olivia Alexander.

"This is my face when I find out some epically old karma has been served." -Shannon

Okay, one more oughta do it.