#and i think kyle wouldn’t let cartman just. be like this.

[hatsunevitu]

you know that jewpacabra episode s16e4? that moment when kyle couldn’t sleep knowing cartman is out there, miserable and probably in danger? so he got up in the middle of the night and went looking for cartman to help him get home and make sure he’s safe and then he even literally tucked him in?

so i was making a parallel and i thought of that one post-covid cartman, broke, unhappy, homeless and pathetic, and kyle who gets home after his meeting with the old friends, and suddenly he can’t sleep, thinking constantly about cartman who had a chance to have a good life but lost it… so he gets up in the middle of the night once again, like in his childhood, and forces cartman to go with him to kyle’s place, making sure he’s safe and warm. he doesn’t know why he did it, but seeing cartman at his worst makes him feel like the things are so… wrong? so his first thought is to help and save and give him hope and…

i want a happy end for them both :(

[s0uth3park]

ETA: I keep coming back to this to add tags HELP I have brainworms now and can’t stop

help please idk what to do with everyone else 😭

[kylelovskii]

the real question is Kyle more or less of a lil shit once he gets the girl? like you can't tell me that boy doesn't own a remote controlled vibe... -mk anon

this request is so old but IDC!!!!

and he does. 100%.

i wrote this half asleep so im sorry if it sucks and if there’s errors

“cmon, pretty thing. just once? i promise i won’t use it much, and if i do, i won’t turn it up so high.”

liar. fucking liar.

kyle had sweet talked you into putting a vibrator inside yourself, then going to a party with all of the guys. he promised he wouldn’t turn it on very much, he just wanted to test it out, and you believed him, which is why you let him. but you were so, so wrong.

—

there you stood, talking with wendy and bebe. everything was going perfect, and you really thought kyle had just forgotten about it, but then you felt the slightest sensation between your legs go to not so slight.

your hand flew to your mouth, which caused wendy to stop mid sentence and look at you. “hey, are you okay? you look like you’re about to be sick,” she asked. you nodded frantically. “yeah—yes! ah— i just— um..got a sharp..c—cramp in my stomach. i’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you replied before rushing off, trying not to let whines and whimpers escape from your mouth.

you rounded a corner into a hallway where, thankfully, no one was. you sighed loudly, sinking down to the floor. “oh god, kyle— stop, stop, stop…”

“what’s that? stop what?” you heard a voice come from down the hall. you snapped your head into the direction of the noise.

there kyle stood, his hands into the pockets of his grey sweatpants and his glasses perched upon his nose. you looked him up and down, noticing how his white wife beater hugged his waist perfectly.

“you— you said you wouldn’t do it much. and that if you did— it wouldn’t be so high!” you said, not even bothering to stand up and go to him. instead, he came to you and knelt down, taking your chin in his hand. “oh, i guess i tricked you. poor girl.”

then he grabbed your hand and pulled you up. “why don’t we go back to the party, huh? i think our friends miss us. i don’t think it would be very polite to abandon everyone just so i could toy with you,” he said as he led you back to the group he was originally with. as you walked, the vibrations slowly came to a halt. when it stopped, you sighed in relief.

kyle held your hand as he spoke with cartman, the two of them bantering while kenny and stan just listened, laughing at the smart remarks that came out of one of the others mouth. you listened as well, letting out a giggle or two, but then kyle turned the toy to its highest setting.

your knees almost buckled underneath you, and you let out an audible gasp which turned into a whine. “oh, honey, what’s the matter?” kyle asked, rushing to your aid. you gave him a look, then lied and said, “my stomach hurts, kyle.”

everyone looked at the two of you confused, but then kyle excused the both of you so he could 'help you'.

he dragged you into a bathroom, locked the door, then picked you up and set you on the counter. he forced your legs open, then moved your panties to the side to look at your glittering cunt.

your skirt bunched up at your stomach as he kneeled between your legs. he didn’t do anything, he just looked up at you and dirty talked you.

“see? look at you. you’re such a good girl, but i bet you’d rather me do this in front of all our friends. especially cartman, huh? that right, doll?” you shook your head quickly, telling him no.

“awh, baby don’t deny it. you may be a good girl for me, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a little slut, right?” you shook your head again, whining and squirming, trying to close your legs. “no— nonono!”

“come on, take it for me. i know you can. be a good whore and take it. quit tryin' to close your legs,” kyle said, keeping your legs open with both his hands.

“please— i..oh god—” you groaned before your orgasm washed over you, your legs twitching and your hands flying to kyle’s hair.

as you came down from your high, you heard kyle speak, “wow that was quick. good job, baby. come on, i’ll clean you up and get that thing outta you,” he told you, helping you off the counter, then sitting you down on the toilet seat and running the water in the sink.

[angel-gone-dark]

Hey I came over from April's posts lol. I read the "She's my collar" fic and loved it

Would/ Have you write a Kyle x reader x Cartman? They don't have to please each other in any way since ok you don't like kyman. But lmk I'm super curious lol. ❤️

Cartman x F!Reader x Kyle

CWs: praise AND degradation, minor throatfucking, creampie, cum swallowing, kenny is the world's #1 instigator

Boy howdy did I take this and run with it

SMUT UNDER CUT. MDNI.

I stood at the bus stop like usual, tired out of my mind. I’d been up all night studying for a stupid quiz, and notorious asshole Eric Cartman let me know just the toll it’d had on me. 

“You look shittier than usual.” I rolled my eyes as he kept going. “I mean, you always look fugly, but now you look like you were hit by a fucking bus.” 

“Gee, thanks, Cartman.” I scoffed. 

“I’m trying to help you. You’re never gonna get a man like that.” Before he could say anything else, Kyle butt in. 

“Quit bothering her, fatass, clearly she doesn’t wanna talk to you.” The ginger stood next to me, looking me over. His tone was gentle when he addressed me. “You okay? You don’t look like you feel very well.”

“Just not a lot of sleep, is all.” Cartman took this and ran with it.

 “Woah, up all night sucking dick then? I knew you were a whore.”

“Shut up, Cartman!” Kyle snapped. His two friends were smartly standing away from us, ignoring the commotion and smoking cigarettes. 

“What? Ohh, I get it, she was up sucking your dick Kyle!” I rolled my eyes. The two fought until the bus came, and even then, kept snapping at each other across the aisle. Today was gonna be a long day. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was so fucking sick of it. 

“Can you two shut up?!” I snapped, glaring at the two that had attached to either side of me. “I’m so sick of hearing you assholes fight over nothing all damn day! If you two are going to be like this, then get the fuck away from me.”

I stormed off. 

“Woah, going somewhere?” Kenny smirked as I ran into him. 

“Yeah, away from your stupid ass friends.” I pouted and he patted my shoulder. 

“Okay, talk to Dr. McCormick- what’s the sitch?”

“They keep fighting over my head.”

“Why, what’s so good about it?” He grinned and I smacked him.

“Be serious, Kenny.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe they’re fighting because they can’t decide who gets to spend time with you?”

“Are you high again?” I set him with a stern glare that had him raising his hands in mock defense.

“No, ma’am,” he crossed his heart to emphasize he was telling the truth. “I’m just saying, they’re glued to your hips and harboring a lot of tension right now. Just fuck about it.”

“Gross. Goodbye, Ken.” I shoved past him. 

My thoughts turned, though, because he had certainly just planted a seed that I wouldn’t be able to uproot.

I’d planned on staying in that night, but my friend Lola dragged me out of bed and got me done up for some stupid party. 

I was still pissy by the time we got there. People looked at me concerned as I slammed down a drink the second I got my hands on one. Lola scolded me and I rolled my eyes at her, but agreed to just sip the second one. 

It was boring as all hell until Cartman leaned against the wall next to me. 

“Hey. Sorry about earlier, I really didn’t realize just how… much we were being.” He seemed genuine, and I relaxed. 

“It’s okay, Cartman, you didn’t mean to be an ass- in that regard,” I giggled, sipping at my drink. “I feel like you and Kyle just get way too into it sometimes and you don’t think.”

“Hard to think when I’m looking at someone so pretty.” I blushed and looked down into my drink. 

“Really?”

“Well, yeah.” I don’t know what had gotten into him to be so suave, or what had gotten into me to be so receptive. Alcohol, probably.

I looked up to the sound of footsteps approaching. 

“Hi, Kyle.” I smiled at him a little, eyebrows knitting together as I looked down at his hand. “…You broke your cup.”

“I am aware.” He seethed, eyes boring holes into Cartman. “Are you sure you wanna hang out with him?”

“You can’t police who I talk to just because you don't like him.” 

“Nobody likes him! I just-” 

I interrupted him, “Zip it. Both of you, follow me, now.”

“What-?”

“Zip. It.” I made my way upstairs and into the guest bedroom. They followed after a moment of hesitation, and I locked the door.

“Spill. Now. Why are you two fighting so aggressively around me?”

“No- no reason.” Kyle looked away from me and I could tell he was lying.

“Okay, y’know, if he’s too pussy to say something then I fucking will,” Eric started, making his way over to me and cupping my face in his hands. “You’re fuckin’ hot and we’ve been fighting over who gets you.”

I felt heat rising to my face and pooling in my panties. The realization that I was locked in a room with the two, music thumping so loud nobody would be able to hear anything, set in. Cartman backed me up until I hit the wall, Kyle looking over with wide eyes.

“...Both of you can have me.” I said, swallowing hard as I squeezed my thighs together.

“Oh, I just knew you were a whore.” The brunette ridiculed me, slamming his rough lips onto mine. 

He practically consumed me, tongue sliding teasingly over my teeth. When he parted from me, a string of saliva connected our lips. It drooped down between us, snapping when the tension was too much. Eric raised a brow at Kyle, as if taunting him. No words were said before I was sandwiched between the two, Cartman now behind me. As he ground himself into my backside and chewed up my shoulders, Kyle took his turn with my lips. He was a great kisser, bucking his hips up into me as he practically moaned into my mouth. The ginger nipped at my lower lip, and I whined. I felt both their cocks twitch at that.

“Fuck, you’re so wet, good girl.” Kyle mumbled into my neck as his fingers slid under my skirt and panties.

“Don’t praise her, she hasn’t done jack shit.” Cartman grunted, yanking off my shirt and bra. I winced when it sounded like a clasp fell off.

“Yes she has, Cartman, she’s taking it,” he moved his attention to me. “You’re so cute, you know that?” He trailed wet kisses down my collarbones and to my breasts, humming eagerly as he took one nipple into his mouth.

“Taking it isn’t doing anything at all, Kyle.” Eric protested, removing his own clothing as Kyle laid me down on the bed.

I was in heaven when the ginger boy tugged down my bottoms and ghosted his breath over my eager cunt. My breath hitched as he licked a long, wet stripe up my slit. The brunette watched with a smirk, stroking himself as Kyle worked me up with his tongue.

“Open up, bitch.” Cartman asserted, gripping my hair in his hand and shoving his cock between my lips. “Ohhh, fuck, yeah. I knew you had a good mouth on you, the sassy ones always fuckin’ do.”

My eyes rolled into the back of my head and I groaned, the noise coming out as a muffled gurgle thanks to the fat head of Cartman’s dick blocking my airway. Kyle kissed and left hickeys across my thighs as his fingers stretched me. I swore I saw stars as he curled them purposefully, hitting the soft spot inside of me that sent electric currents through my flesh. My throat tightened around the flesh that pounded the back of it, milking precum from the angry tip.

“Be more gentle with her, she’s being submissive.” Kyle scolded. Eric scoffed, ignoring him and using one large hand to twist one of my nipples.

The noises I made, even muffled, were driving Kyle crazy. I saw him strip in the corner of my eyes, and my thoughts were confirmed at the clink of his belt hitting the floor and the swipe of his cock against my entrance. I shuddered and trembled as he bottomed out inside of me. I’d never heard anything as sexy as the noise he made the first time he moved his hips. This was bliss.

Kyle rocked his hips slowly at first, but it was clear he couldn’t help himself as his rhythm sped. He drilled his cock into me, grabbing the back of my knees to fold me in half. I shook below them, pussy smeared with slick and mouth dribbling spit. I briefly felt guilty about someone else having to clean this mess, but the feeling of Kyle’s fingers coaxing my clit yanked me back to the moment. I felt hot, skin on fire as I was ruined. I gripped at the sheets, bucking my hips up to meet Kyle’s as he made me cum on his long fingers.

“God, the bitch can’t even wait to cum until her superiors have.” By the way his cock twitched in my mouth I could tell my shuddering was turning him on.

“Good… good girl,” he sounded as ruined as I thought I might if I tried to speak. “So fucking tight, good girl…”

As my walls pulsed around him, Eric pulled out of my mouth to stroke himself. 

“Mouth open. You’re gonna fucking swallow.” His laugh dissolved into a shuddering grunt as he came on my tongue. He swiped the tip on my lips and laughed, closing my jaw with the other hand. I swallowed, nearly choking after as I moaned.

“F-fuck, good girl, ‘m gonna cum. W-where do you want it?” It was clear that Kyle was nearly bursting trying to hold himself back.

“Inside, please, please?” I begged. Cartman laughed.

“Well, if she wasn’t a whore before she sure as hell is now.” His hands found my breasts again, assaulting them with squeezes and pinches alike.

Kyle slammed into me hard, hips jerking wildly as he filled me with his warm seed. I heaved under him, still folded, and he stole what remained of my breath with a long kiss.

“If this is what hanging out with Cartman means then I don’t think I mind it anymore.” He smiled.

word count: 1700

[spiderrmax]

SHIT IM SO sorry LMFAO 🌼 20 kyle broflovski pleasee💀💀💀🙏

🌼 20: clumsy attempts at flirting

word count: 640 author's note: LMAO you are so good nonny!! just wanted to get what you wanted :) i also wrote a small drabble based on your original ask (rivals to lovers) & tried to incorporate the trope here but it was not working also kyle is the only one clumsily flirting. he's the best representation of hopeless romantic but no game there is.

Kyle hates the feeling of having a crush. Knows from his adolescence that his romantic endeavors seemed doomed from the start. He is also aware of Cartman’s never ending enjoyment in ruining his life, and knows that these things are more likely to crash and burn.

Even so, you are always on his mind. With how you wait for him to tie his shoes, ask about his family, seem to care about his religion. Your interactions have a softness he isn’t familiar with, everyone around him seemingly made out of harsh edges. He doesn’t want to lose you, can already feel the way you are starting to erode his jagged walls.

Kyle only went to Kenny with his dilemma, aware of his promising history with romance, even if Kenny is driven more by lust. He was his best shot.

(“Just be yourself, but more confident. Like, lean up against a wall. You’re tall, they’ll like that. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”)

Kenny’s advice is all that rings in Kyle’s mind as he finds you in the hall. The last bell just rang, and you will be at your locker. Luckily, it seems to just be you who needs to be grabbing books, which gives Kyle ample space to follow Kenny’s gospel.

Leaning against the locker is horrendously awkward, one of the hinges digging into his shoulder. He feels stupid, but doesn’t have a chance to straighten out because you are shutting your locker door and closing the one thing separating the two of you.

You jump, startled by his presence, but that fear alleviates when you notice who it is. “Oh! Hi Kyle. Do you need something?” 

(“You could try a pick up line. But I don’t think you’re smooth enough. Maybe ask them for coffee. A study date is horrendously boring but could work for you.”)

“Are you free this afternoon?” It takes him a moment to reply, trying to stop the words from getting stuck in his throat. He doesn’t understand how you can look so beautiful even after getting up at 6 in the morning and being inside of this school for 8 hours. It makes it hard to think, when you look like that.

You pause to think, holding your few books close to you. “Yeah! I was just going to do some assignments due later this week. Why? Do you need something?��

Kyle wonders if you can see the blush on his face; he can feel it. “Uh. No. I mean, yeah. I just…” His voice trails off, and he fumbles a bit around as he stands straight up, feeling more like himself without the attempt to replicate Kenny’s cool persona. 

“Do you want to get coffee with me?” He finally asks, and he can’t breathe until you respond.

“Aw, Kyle, I’d love too,” You start, and he tries to get ready for the familiar taste of rejection, “But I don't have my wallet with me.”

His shoulders sag, and he can’t believe he was that tensed up. He lets out a deep breath, not rejected. Of course you’d feel bad for not having money, and would want to pay even though he asked you.

“I don’t mind paying,” Kyle smiles, and he should thank Kenny later for the coffee date suggestion. 

You grin even brighter and nod, “If you’re sure. I’ll just pay for the next date.” After that you begin walking to the parking lot, laughing as you hear him stutter a response and jog to catch up with you. Ever the gentleman, he offers to take your books. You let him, knowing how much the small gesture probably means to him. 

If his hands weren’t full, you’d probably be holding his hand, warm and presumably sweaty from anxious he was. It wouldn’t matter, and there will always be a next time.

[wendytestabrat]

why cartman IS kenny’s bff

it pisses me off sm how in the episode “best friends forever” stan & kyle were being haters and were all like “cartman isn’t kenny’s best friend!1!1!1” i don’t remember which one said it but it was probably kyle bc we all know how he is LOL. like BRUH kyle, cartman IS kenny’s bff, not you bitch. i think kyle is just mad & jealous bc kenny likes hanging around cartman more than him and prefers cartman as a friend which we also saw how in the post covid specials in the future cartman was the only person kenny was still keeping in touch with before he died and then kyle was pissy AF abt that. kyle is a shitass friend to kenny, especially in the early seasons he would rip on kenny for being poor too just like cartman did. he even deadass said in one episode “kenny’s not my friend i don’t give a rats ass about him” or some shit LOL. really all the boys are crappy friends to kenny they just use him & take advantage of him for shit and then they don’t give a crap when he dies, so i feel like kenny holds A LOT of resentment towards all three of them and kind of dislikes them all in a way, he just is friends with them anyways and goes along with shit bc he’s too nice lol. kenny seems like that kind of person that’s just equally nice to everyone so then narcissistic bitches take advantage of that and take it way too personally thinking that person adores them when rlly that person doesn’t give a shit abt them and is just being polite to everyone so then the narcissistic bitch starts being possessive AF of the nice person thinking they’re entitled to their attention and time LOL. (i know this bc i’m a nice person and then bitches i don’t even like start obsessing over me 24/7 prob bc no one has ever shown them love in their entire lives) but cartman is DEF the one kenny is closest with and trusts the most which is shown by the way kenny confides in cartman when he’s sad or upset abt shit which we never see him do with stan & kyle lol. like remember in the vaccination special how cartman was telling stan & kyle that kenny was sad abt the broship or whatever? the fact that kenny went to CARTMAN and not them about that says a lot. kenny has wayyy more in common with cartman too and is a lot more similar to him than stan & kyle. kenny is more laid back and likes to have fun and he’s a huge troublemaker too, so that’s why he doesn’t vibe with kyle’s goodie twoshoe preachy obnoxiousness lol. the fact that kenny also gets along well with craig too prob more than any of the other boys says a lot abt his personality and how he’s more of a rebellious idgaf type. also another little piece of evidence to show that cartman understands kenny on a deeper level than the other boys was in “cartmanland” when he pointed out how kenny dies all the time lol even tho that might’ve just been a throwaway joke or a breaking the fourth wall moment. i feel like kenny can def be two faced tho and he pretends to hate cartman sometimes just to be cool like stan & kyle do but we all know that’s bullshit and he does like cartman otherwise he wouldn’t spend all the time with cartman that he does lol. i feel like it’s mostly just stan & kyle pressuring kenny to hate on cartman or avoid him (mostly kyle doing this shit ofc bc he’s a big bully) and kenny just goes along with it bc he’s too nice and and passive of a person to stand up for himself so he lets stan & kyle walk all over him and use him for shit lol. which is why i LOVE that moment in “the magic bush” when cartman stood up to kyle when he was being mean and shitting on kenny for him & cartman taking pics of craig’s mom’s bush LOL. stan & kyle just view kenny as a little prop & stunt person for their schemes while cartman actually values kenny as a friend and makes an effort to spend time with him one on one and tries to have fun with him. so cartman IS kenny’s bff. PERIOD.

[mantequillamcwhoremick]

Is there a both option? I mean the question is how far would Cartman go and risk alienating Kenny and I think the answer is quite a lot and the track record really shows that he can get away with basically anything and not get disavowed from the friend group 🤔 so there isn’t really a disincentive to not try to break them up, especially if he thinks they will eventually get over it and return to status quo.

Though on the other hand I do think it could go the route where depending on what lengths he goes to…while it might not permanently sour any relationship Cartman has with the two boy separately, but I couldn’t say the same with complete confidence for the Kenny and Butters connection. I think if any dysfunction starts interfering with Cartman’s schemes, he might get fed up and try to fix it somewhat 🤔 Although somewhat as a side note though he already spews vitriolic hate speech and slurs, I would have a hard time believing he wouldn’t find some way to take advantage of the Bunny relationship and be more embolden to start saying even darker more heinous stuff because he believes he would receive less push back as *insert sound bite “How can I be homophobic my b*tch is gay🎶” *

(In reference to this poll)

True, Cartman would definitely take advantage of his friends being in a gay relationship to get out of any accusations of homophobia just to spew even more homophobic crap, but while Kenny is arguably closest to him out of the main 4, I kinda feel like he doesn't need KENNY to be the friend he takes advantage of bc of this. He would just as much say this about Stan and Kyle (even if they aren't even together lmao) and he is pretty much canonically 1000% on board with THEM being in a gay relationship (see "Cupid Me" and "Guitar Queero").

Some people reblogged the poll with some interesting takes, and I gotta say what convinced me the most is the fact that Cartman just kinda has it out for Butters at all times lmao. I'm convinced he would think that Kenny can do better, and especially if Kenny started calling Cartman out on how he treats Butters, he'd think Butters is "corrupting" Kenny and trying to ruin his and Kenny's BFF-ship.

The way he reacted in concern about Kenny's girlfriend being a slut who would just "throw his heart in his face" in the episode "The Ring" has me convinced, that Cartman somewhat weirdly cares about Kenny's relationships, and not just in a self-serving way. This isn't in an attempt to alienate Kenny, but rather alienate the potential partner, and we've seen a LOT of instances in which Cartman does not have any qualms about painting Butters as the bad guy and/or someone to be made fun of.

As much as I'd love to advocate for some kind of compassion Cartman could express for Butters, their friendship is just not built on that. Butters and Cartman get along well enough, but only as long as Butters goes along with everything Cartman says. Once he goes against it, Cartman either goes LIVID or completely dismisses/invalidates his concerns. Some good episode where you can conclude this, are "Let Them Eat Goo", "The Death of Eric Cartman", "DikinBaus Hotdogs", "Poor and Stupid", "The Magic Bush", "Tegridy Farms", "Super Fun Time" and about a hundred more, but when I think of Butters & Cartman's friendship these are the ones that first come to mind.

The only instances where he kind of seems to care about Butters' distress in small ways are in "The Magic Bush" and briefly in "Super Fun Time", but it's not significant enough to qualify for the genuine respect I see him show Kenny (or even Stan). I can write a whole essay about the nuance of Cartman and Butters' friendship, but that's for some other time. In short: Cartman really likes having Butters do whatever he says, and Butters doesn't even need to do anything particularly defiant for Cartman to start putting him down (ex. the ending of the "The Death of Eric Cartman" episode.) If Kenny, who is Cartman's weird soft spot, started going against Cartman in favor of Butters, whose established dynamic with Cartman completely benefits him, I can imagine that this would rub Cartman the wrong way.

I could be convinced though, that once Cartman realizes how sad it made Kenny, if (thanks to one of Cartman's schemes) his and Butters' relationship were to not work out, Cartman would begrudgingly take some kind of pity on Kenny (and maybe even Butters) and recognize that being together is what makes them both happy. He then would do another scheme that gets them back together, and "Smug Alert"-esque not want them to know that it's thanks to him hahahh

So yeah, it could be kind of "both", but, in my humble opinion, only AFTER Cartman damages their relationship almost beyond repair in an attempt to keep them apart. Which is why I, personally, would still go for the "manipulative-anti-matchmaker" option. But I purposely didn't add a "both" option bc most people would go for that without thinking it over too much lmao

Thank you so much for the ask anon, sorry for taking so long to respond but you truly made me think about this a lot ahaha this kinda turned into an analysis of the trio more than an answer to your ask, I hope you don't mind. You made my braincells fire off

[southangel]

Hello! Could you write about what it would be like to be Stan's and Cartman's younger sibling? Have a nice day!🎉

Being Stan and Cartman’s younger sibling

Warnings: none

Notes: This will be written platonically, and since you didn’t mention a specific gender i’ll make it gender neutral! Also, it is a bit short so I might modify it later. Sorry in advance!

Stan Marsh

Being Stan’s younger sister would be.. Interesting.

I don’t see him as incredibly protective or overbearing, but he would definitely care about you.

He doesn’t want to be a second generation Shelley to you, not after what he’s been through.

Considering how Randy shouldn’t even be qualified to be a father, he wants to take over that role for you.

Stan would try to let you have an enjoyable life, but not spoiled rotten.

If you’re ever upset, Stan would try his best to comfort you, but he isn’t the comforting type. The best he can do is play a song for you on his guitar, eventually cheering you up.

He might try getting you to get along with Ike, just as an excuse to visit Kyle more often.

He might let you play his guitar for a bit, as long as you promise not to ruin it..

I don’t think he would take you out to hangout with his friends, but maybe if Kyle manages to bring Ike along as well.

Once you start getting older and start experimenting with things, romance wise, he’ll start becoming weary of your decisions and choices in crushes.

Stan only wants the best for you. He just doesn’t want you to get your heartbroken or serve the same fate as him!

Stan wants you to understand that it’s for your own good. But then again, you’re his little sister, and he doesn’t want to hurt or restrict you in ways that he has been himself.

“I don’t think they’re right for you.. But if that’s what you want, go ahead.”

Eric Cartman

We all know how Cartman is, practically insane.

Him having a younger sibling would have many ups and downs.

There are times where Cartman couldn’t care less if you got killed or brutally murdered, and there are times where he would be willing enough to fight whoever made you cry.

Cartman is incredibly manipulative, just a horrible person in general, so it makes sense that part of him wants you to be like him.

You are siblings after all, and family is alike. He might tell you little things on how to deal with conflicts and what not, but you mostly don’t listen until he bribes you with something.

Unlike Stan, if you’re ever upset, Cartman could really be on opposite sides on how he could react.

He could either yell insults at you to shut up, or just try taking revenge on whatever caused this, there really is no in between with him.

Of course, Cartman’s hatred for Kyle is always evident. He tries to tell you bad things Kyle and whatnot, constantly insulting him in the process, but you really don’t care.

You don’t know the extent of what Cartman has really done, and Liane just brushes it off like it’s nothing.

Considering you don’t know everything he’s done, he’s still your brother, and that naïve part of you wants to believe or at least listen for a bit so he could hangout with you one day.

Cartman wouldn’t take you out with his friends, buy you anything, or really just do anything generous to you in general considering how selfish he is.

Although you are his sibling, part of him is still slightly kind to you. He helps you get out of trouble when you really need it, you get into trouble often because of what he’s taught you.

Unlike Stan, he isn’t slightly protective or weary of who you eventually start to like, unless it’s Ike.

Cartman doesn’t care much about what you do, as long as he doesn’t see you turning into any of his friends, he doesn’t care.

“If Mr. Kitty is ever bad, just yell at him. Bad Mr. Kitty! You have to do it like that or he won’t listen.”

[pheonixkenny]

How do you think other characters would react if they found out about Kenny’s immortality? I kinda go back and forth on this. I have many different ideas on how they’d react depending on how I’m feeling or information I have or w/e. I’m not sure how they would react canonically but I have some of my own ideas. (Ideas listed under the cut.)

Kyle: Given that he was the only one to give him the benefit of the doubt when Kenny mentioned it in “Coon Vs Coon and Friends.” (“Ok, let’s say you’re not crazy and it’s true.”) He would be one of the best at handling it. He does still think it’s kinda cool, but he knows better now than to tell Kenny that. He’s the one who asks him the most questions. (Like, “What’s it like to die? What’s the afterlife like? Do you think you’ll live forever?, etc.) He does feel kinda guilty for not knowing/believing him earlier, thinking he’s a bad friend. He enters big brother protection mode (previously reserved for Ike) around Kenny afterwards to try and keep him from dying so much. Kenny cycles back and forth between being flattered and annoyed about this. He also becomes determined to break Kenny’s curse, researching everything he can about the cult of cthulhu and immortality. The guy has a full on conspiracy board about this within a week.

Cartman: I know a lot of people have the theory that he already knows, it’s a solid theory that holds up logically but I don’t personally believe it because Cartman would absolutely take advantage of Kenny’s little power for his own gain. Anyone else who finds out about it tries to keep it from Cartman for this very reason.

Butters: Butters is a sweetheart so he apologizes profusely and gives Kenny a hug when he finds out. He also hugs Kenny whenever he comes back from a death and tries to comfort him, with varying degrees of success. I also feel like Butters would just believe him without any proof. Given how many of Cartman’s schemes he’s fallen for over the years I think it’s safe to say that he’s pretty gullible. He will believe pretty much anything you tell him. It’s just in this case it happens to be true.

Tweek: I saw a headcanon on here that Tweek would also believe Kenny because, thanks to the Underpants Gnomes, he knows how frustrating it is not to be believed. I love that and am stealing it. He wouldn’t exactly handle the information well though, because that is WAY too much pressure.

Craig: Craig didn’t give a shit when fucking lasers came out of his eyes so it’s safe to say he doesn’t give a shit about this either. He’ll say a sarcastic remark about it once in a while, but that’s about it.

Stan: Hoo boy, Stan. I know that I just recently wrote a fanfiction where Stan is patient and understanding about the whole thing but I changed my mind. So, in “The Cissy” when people around him start experimenting with gender for various reasons Stan gets worried and confused. He reacts similarly during the Tweek and Craig/Yaoi situation in “Tweek x Craig”. And who could forget the time when he didn’t go visit Kenny in the hospital because he couldn’t deal with the situation? (I’m making him sound like a bad kid, he’s not, he’s just sensitive and doesn’t know how to handle some things in the best way.) So now I’m thinking that when he finds out he’ll have another Stan Marsh Existential Crisis (patent pending) and just kinda avoid Kenny for a while. That’s not a good way to handle it but he doesn’t know what else to do. He doesn’t know what to say to the guy. It feels like everything has changed between them. Kyle has to intervene and goes up to Stan like “dude, quit being an idiot and go talk to Kenny. He thinks you hate him now.” (Because I can’t imagine a world where Stan knows and Kyle doesn’t or vice versa.) And he feels bad because he never meant to give him that impression. He still likes him just as much as before, he just needed some time to process everything. So he takes Kyle’s advice and they talk things out. Kenny understands how the information can be a shock and Stan promises not to withdraw like that again when his friends need him. Eventually he gets used to it and it just becomes another quirk that one of his friends has. (Thinking of writing a fic about this scenario but, like I said, I already wrote a fic focusing on Stan and Kenny’s relationship. I should probably use one of my Kyle and Kenny fic ideas first.)

[nwjn-z]

main 4 with a scene s/o ^_^

South Park Main 4 with a scene s/o

⎯⎯⎯ ☆

Kyle ☆

-You being scene is actually what grabbed Kyle’s attention to you in the first place

-he thought you were really cool and admired you for dressing so differently from everyone else and not caring

-with that being said, because you dress differently from everyone else he down to fight anyone that tries to make fun of you

-Kyle also loves helping you touch up your hair, picking out your outfits, helping with your makeup etc.

-I hc that Kyle wanted to be scene in middle school but his parents wouldn’t let him💔

-he lives vicariously through you🫶

-will tell you to cut back on the energy drinks and candies if you’re like that tho 💀

Stan ☆

-He thinks you’re really fucking cool

-Stan has always had an interest is various different music genres, and scene music is one of them

-so when you first met, he knew he wanted you

-jamming out to scene music with Stan? Definitely.

-he absolutely adores watching you get ready, like watching you do your hair and makeup

-he would also like you to do his makeup and do it while he lays down on his back while you straddle him and do it 🤭🤭

-honestly Stan will sometimes dresses goth again just to see the contrast in your guy’s aesthetics, it makes him feel all giddy

-also seeing the look on everyone’s faces when they see Goth Stan and his Scene partner ?? comedy gold

Kenny ☆

-ok ok, Kenny has a thing for people with unique aesthetics like; Scene kids, Goths, Emos you name it

-so needless to say Kenny LOVES the fact that you’re scene

-He thinks you’re so fucking hot in anything that you wear he can’t get enough

-Always showing you off and bragging about how cool his s/o is to all his friends

-like Stan, Kenny loves scene music as well so he loves listening to music with you

-Kenny is also ready to throw hands at anyone who makes fun of you

Cartman ☆

-“Weak dude, weak.”

-he acts like he doesn’t like it at first (he’s a LIAR)

-but he secretly loves it just as much as Kenny even

-But Cartman is very unique in his admiration for your style so please just bare with him

-he’ll complain about how long you take to get ready and ends up doing you hair and makeup for you along with your outfit

-he’ll try and play it off by saying “if you’re going to dress like that then I have to make sure you look decent🙄”

-It’s cute how his face gets red when teasing and hair spraying your hair, he also insists on being the one to re-dye your hair for you (he likes picking the colours)

-also do I even need to say it?

-this man is IN LOVE with scene music (you are the only person he will ever admit it to tho)

[pinkrifle]

Hello ml!<3 i was wondering if you could do yandere team stan and craig x reader platonic please! Like they see reader as a little sister!^^

hi lovely! i do not take SP requests anymore buttttf this seems really easy, so i should be able to do this !

saying this rn i’m so sorry if this is short #_# <\3 i’m sorry if i missed a character or two aswell!

only team stan right now as i can’t really think of much to do for team craig, sorry once more! D:

Stan Marsh -

a little careful not to bring you around his friends too much.. especially cartman AND COVERS UR EARS EVERYTIME ONE OF THEM SAYS A DIRTY JOKE LOL (no matter how old you are!1!1!)

would 100% go off on anyone who tries to mess with you (and Kyle would probably join him too) , ya don’t F with family, folks!

trades his lunch or snacks at lunch to give them to you!! loves seeing the look on your face when you get a snack size pack of skittles. Even if it’s super small your face always lightens up and he just laughs and feels very proud of himself after

he makes sure shelly isn’t too mean to you, let’s her rip on him instead if she gets a little aggressive with you (she wouldn’t really go that far dw <3)

Eric Cartman -

GETS YOU IN TROUBLE ALL THE TIMMEEEE

(don’t worry he always does something in return after. begrudgingly and hesitantly.) (he just feels bad)

brings you on all of his little dangerous adventures but makes sure you stay safe all the time,, if you get hurt EVER he’s SOOO dramatic. begging for a hospital!

if any of his friends (aka rest of team stan) dare to say anything to you (they don’t cuz they don’t care) he will 100% be dramatic ALLO OVER AGAIN, threatens to beat up his friends (he can’t rlly) and is nice to you for the rest of the day!!

steals cute stuff from other classmates and brings them to you, steals snacks from people and brings them to you!! probably stole some snacks from stan that he planned to give to his own little sibling

Kenny McCormick -

tones down his dirty jokes when with you, and also does not let you around his friends LMAO

loves hanging out with you, karen, and kevin! at first he was really hesitant on stuart and carol having you (like with karen) but loved you so much after your born!!

protects u FOR LIFE. is basically also your guardian angel when he’s in his mysterion costume! when your in the foster home thing(?) he’s visiting you like crazy and bringing you treats aswell. makes sure you never get beaten up in the basement by the parents

loves whenever you show him something you like. Anime? cartoons? etc? your not cringe to him at all! he likes weird shit too, trust. Watches and plays everything you show him <3

a video game MASTER! having any trouble with a boss fight? he’s got it. Cant find an item? he already has it and is gonna trade it to you!!

Kyle Broflovski -

takes care of you and Ike RELIGIOUSLY. love you two both to death!

plays dolls/action digs with you even if your in middle school or whatever (in the event he’s in HS or whatever) , he doesn’t want his little siblings to ever grow up! brings a tear to his eye.

every Hanukkah he makes sure you get the best presents and NEVER lets your presents break, always has them in pristine condition ! hates seeing you sad , it affects him more than he’d like to admit.. he also gives you his hat to wear when your a little down!

bakes and cooks with you, he’s pretty okay at cooking but if your bad it’s no problem! he’s willing to teach you the 3 dishes he knows how to make LMAO. If your better than him at cooking? EVEN BETTER, teach him! but he’ll be a little embarassed to learn stuff from his little sibling

having trouble with homework? he’s on it! he won’t let you cheat on anything, but he’ll help you and guide you to the right answer.

Never let’s people talk shit about you or make fun of you, he will fr fight his friends if they dare to do that.

heya! thanks for requesting, i haven’t been really willing to write lately but this got me off my booty!!! i really should open my tf2 and scp foundation reqs.

sorry again i couldn’t do team craig! i hope these were good enough, feel free to request this again some time if i’m ever active again! <3

[mouwrites]

hi, can i rq the south park main four with a reader who has a phobia of hospital please? ik its kind of oddly specific lol

For sure!

South Park - Main Four When You’re Afraid of Hospitals

Stan

He’s not the biggest fan of hospitals either

While this is nice when you’re looking for someone who knows what you’re feeling, it’s not so nice when you’re actually in the hospital

He’s just as nervous as you; he’s not going to be much help

“Oh my gosh, that needle is huge…”

“Stan! Not helping!!”

He’ll hold your hand though (as much to comfort himself as to comfort you)

He also won’t let his own fear prevent him from forcing you to go if he needs to

“Y/n, I know it sucks, but we really should go.”

You can tell that he doesn’t want to go either

That compels you to comply in a weird way

Like, you know that you won’t be the only one that’s not happy to be there

When you leave you both go straight home to recover

You just hold each other tight, not speaking, just trying to process and forget the entire experience

Eventually one of you will decide you’re over it, and you’ll suggest doing some leisurely activity

Or having a snack together :)

You’ll share a knowing look, and that’s the most you’re going to communicate about it

Honestly you both just want to forget it though, so that’s not necessarily a bad thing

Kyle

Understands that you’re afraid, but does not sympathize

He’s very brash when convincing you to go

“I know you’re scared, but you know what’s more scary? The stuff that’ll happen to you if you don’t get checked out.”

As much as you try to argue, he’s not budging

Your safety is more important to him than your happiness in such moments

He’ll literally pick you up bridal style if you’re too stubborn

Once you actually get there, he’ll attempt to comfort you as much as he can

Mainly in the form of watching YouTube on his phone with you

This is one of the rare occasions he’ll let you pick what to watch without complaints

Even if you pick something he hates, he’ll let you have your way

Anything to keep you from panicking

When you leave he makes sure to reward you with a treat

Whether that’s a meal from your favorite fast food restaurant or a new plushie, he’s willing to get it for you

Partly because he doesn’t want you to stay mad at him for making you go to the hospital

Cuddles are also an option if you’re not too upset with him

Kenny

He’s very worried about you the whole time

From the moment you got hurt, he insisted you go to the hospital, but when he realized how scared you were of the place, his worry only increased

When you first arrived he wouldn’t stop talking

“Are you panicking? Is the bed soft enough? What can I do to help?”

“Kenny! Just… chill. You’re freaking me out even more.”

He claps his hand dramatically over his mouth as an “I’ll shut up now” gesture

That makes you giggle a little

He’ll try to keep amusing you to keep your mind off the situation

Showing you memes, telling stories, sharing his favorite dirty jokes, every trick he knows to get you to smile

Even when the doctors were in the room, he was making stupid faces

You had to bite your tongue to stop from laughing

When you leave, he’s way too eager to be able to hold you again

Or, if you’re staying for more than a “quick” visit, he’ll climb into the bed with you to snuggle

He makes sure to let you know how brave he thinks you are all the while

Cartman

He forced you to go under the excuse:

“Why are you afraid? What’s the worst that could happen? Besides dying, I mean.”

“That’s exactly why I’m afraid, idiot!”

He literally dragged you halfway there by the wrist

If you’re particularly stubborn he’ll throw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes

Once there, though, he unintentionally comforts you by being a dufus

Definitely goes through all the cabinets and plays with absolutely everything

“How many of these cotton balls do you think I could fit in my mouth?”

And he doesn’t even stop when the doctor walks in

“If you held the stethoscope up to my ear, would you be able to hear the song stuck in my head?”

You’re the one who has to tell him to cut it out and let the doctor do their job

Honestly, you mostly did it so that you wouldn’t burst out laughing

His blatantly idiotic behavior keeps you amused long enough that the anxiety doesn’t settle in

When you leave, he insists on going out for food

You’ll get takeout and eat at home with the TV on :)

Cartman’s ready to put the whole “boring” ordeal behind him, but you’ll never forget the confounding idiocy you saw in that hospital room

Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for the request, and thanks for reading! Have a good one duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[alaskan-wallflower]

I saw that you are still taking requests sooo begging on my knees for Stan or Kyle (whichever one you prefer/want to write abt) x t!reader. I’m so touch starved so anything with physical affection would be perfect I just need some type of comfort rn hhhh. If you don’t want to write this that’s okay I completely understand!! (^_^)

Ask and you shall receive!

I’ll do both

Stan and Kyle with a TINY!S/O

Stan Marsh

He’s honestly very gentle with you

He doesn’t wanna go around and show you off, he kinda just wants you to be safe with him

Because he knows with Shelley and Randy around you probably won’t be safe

But anyway

He probably found you in Shelley’s room tbh

You were borrowing some of her stuff and Stan walked in on you

Randy ended up seeing you too, so Stan kinda just hid you behind his back and managed to get out

Randy thought Stan was stealing Shelley’s old dolls

At first he was absolutely flabbergasted

He probably just came home one day to find Sparky chasing you around

So he ended up picking you up with a single hand and kinda just took you to his room?

He’s like, twenty times your height

So seeing his eyes that were basically the size of your head looking down at you was…scary

At first he didn’t even think you were real

Hr probably just kept telling himself it was Randy’s pot farm, or that he was imagining shit

But eventually, he came to terms that you were real

And soon you grow to develop feelings for each other

He makes sure that you’re safe all the time

He probably throws up on you a lot but he tries not to

Hr gives you a bath after so don’t worry

If he finds you crying, he kinda just picks you up in his palms and holds you gently

The only one who knows about you is Kyle

Probably because one day he walked in on Stan cleaning you off after vomiting on you due to his crush on you

But Stan made him swear to not tell anyone

He doesn’t let you sleep in the bed with him because he’s scared he’ll roll over in his sleep and crush you

But sometimes he’ll put you on his chest over his heartbeat until you fall asleep, to which he’ll probably put you in a little washcloth burrito

Overall v good :)

Kyle Broflovski

He probably found you in Cartman’s bourse

(just pretend you were a borrower at his house)

So one day, while you were ‘borrowing’, Kyle happened to walk in on you

At the same time Cartman did

Kyle dashed for you so Cartman wouldn’t get to you because who knew the tortures you would endure with him

Kyle insisted you were just a bug, so hr kinda managed to get away with you while stuffing you in a jar

And when he managed to get back to his house, he realized being stuck in a jar with a giant person looking at you through the glass couldn’t have been pleasant

So he began working at making you a living space

He honestly isn’t shocked by you

Hes seen some shit in South Park

So, he probably interrogated you while making you a matchbox bed or something

And eventually he decides to keep you in his house

He’s very gentle with you

And protective

Like if anyone so much as touches you he’s about to beat the shit out of them

He, like Stan, doesn’t let you sleep in the same bed as him

But he’ll stroke your hair sometimes when you’re falling asleep

He probably scares you sometimes with his angry outbursts

But in the end he’ll make up for it in hugs and such

(he’s not much of a kisser)

Hes a sweet kid, but he’s just very angry, lol

[hatsunevitu]

both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Good things seem to happen to bad people, don’t you think? Someone like Eric Cartman. What if Adult!Reader starts dating Laine Cartman? That would mean platonic yandere Eric would be the closest to reader, making the rest of the kids and parents very jealous, especially Kyle thinking its not fair the Cartman gets everything and he gets nothing. How would Cartman act around reader compare to how he usually acts? Would he share with others? What do the others think? I hope you have a wonderful day❤️

Kyle thinks the universe is playing a cruel, cruel joke on him when he finds out that Cartman’s mom is dating the Reader. It doesn’t help that Eric makes every point to rub it in Kyle’s face too. The boys would all be invited over more than usual just to bear witness to the Reader being in the Cartman home, taking on a parental and spousal role for Eric and Liane respectively. And Eric loves every minute of shoving it down everyone’s throats that he won and the Reader is now a part of his family.

Hell, even Liane is loving every second of showing off her and the Reader’s relationship to the other parents. And if she can she’ll get pregnant with the Reader’s child as soon as possible just to tie them down for sure. Even if the Reader is a woman, Liane will find a way to have their child and as many of them as possible, although Eric may not take too well to not being the only kid for his mom and the Reader to put all their time and attention into.

Eric overall would act like a perfect little angel when in the presence of the Reader, to the point where he may even have the Reader wrapped around his finger and completely under the belief that this is how Eric is. He’s on his best behavior and plays his part well to keep the Reader from having any reason to leave Eric and his mom. Given his usual actions and behavior, Eric wouldn’t want that to drive the Reader off and I’m sure Liane has brought it up as something that may cause the Reader to abandon them which in turn would have Eric doing his damndest to not let that happen so he’ll be the best boy he can muster to be. But when the Reader isn’t around, Eric has no problem reverting back to his normal self and back to his old shenanigans. It absolutely disgusts Stan, Kyle and Kenny to no end, making them try even harder to get the Reader to become a part of their respective families and away from Eric.

Also, when Liane started up her own obsession for the Reader while trying to seduce them for her son and bring them into the family, Eric was not ready for having to share the Reader’s time and attention with her. It had never crossed his mind that he would have to share at all, especially with his own mom. He just thought this would mean that he won, the darling was all his now and he got to rub it in everyone’s faces. There would end up being an unspoken competition between Eric and his mom for the Reader’s attention and affections. A slight rivalry that takes place pretty early on but eventually the mother and son duo come to some kind of agreement. Or maybe Eric will remain petty and determined enough to keep fighting his mom on this? After all, he didn’t exactly sign up to share with her.🤷🏻‍♀️

[spiderrmax]

king kyle & a human!s/o

request: could you write about king kyle falling in love with kupa keeps princess/prince? author's note: reader has the title "princess" it's the only part that is gendered tho. this was also originally a oneshot that's why some of the bullet points r weird lol

Due to your status as Princess, Kyle is aware of who you are.

Your Kupa Keeps’ diplomat, meaning he has in fact communicated with you on multiple matters. He knows you are a respectable person, and do your job with diligence, but since you are a human, he doesn’t think of you in high regards. You’re his enemy, it’s how it is written in the stars.

He’s only ever communicated with you over letters, and due to the fact you guys are left in your kingdom means  he hasn’t seen much of you outside of that.

That’s until the new threat of Clyde’s army comes into play.

With his supernatural army and the fact that he holds the stick, the humans and elves are forced to work together.

Kyle calls for a meeting in his kingdom, and when the humans arrive, you instantly catch his eye.

You don’t carry yourself with excess pride, and you're quite pretty. (For a human, his mind desperately supplies.)

You sit in the front row, next to the other princess and it causes Kyle to lose his train of thought occasionally. 

Kyle explains his plan: to send Commander Douchebag to get The Sparkles, and he will embark to get the Federation and the pirates.

It’s a decent plan, but the Grand Wizard finds a flaw with it anyway. 

“I won’t let you go to get the other factions. You’ll somehow mess it up!” The Grand Wizard stands up, bringing more attention to his point. Kyle laughs at that, “You think you’ll do better? You will just scare them away. You couldn’t be nice if it cost the universe, and hey, this does.” “No, I wouldn’t go either; Princess [Your Name] is a good diplomat, they should go.” Cartman argues, motioning towards you, who is still sitting next to Princess Kenny.King Kyle then looks at you, sitting politely and looking at the conversation occurring; when you notice his staring, you smile at him. He sighs, really not wanting to entertain the conversation with the Grand Wizard, and comes to a decent conclusion. “They can come along.”

That’s how he ends up on this journey with you.

He’s not thrilled you’re coming along, but he’s grateful it’s not an annoying human.

He walks swiftly, shoulders high; out of the corner of his eye, he sees you struggling to keep up, but he doesn’t slow down.

“We will head to the Federation first, and then speak to the Pirates on the way back.” He explains, not leaving room for argument; you nod along, agreeing.

It’s a tense atmosphere after that, as you walk behind him. He wants to talk to you, compliment your skills, just something.

The realization that you probably don’t want to be there strings a bit, but he can’t even argue with you about it.

Until you finally talk again, asking him, “what’s his plan?”

“I just planned to explain the severity of the situation to them; they should be willing to help after that.”

You laugh at that, and it’d be quite pretty if you weren’t laughing at him.

“What?”

“The Federation might not be willing to help; their leader isn’t the biggest fan of The Grand Wizard. We’ll have to offer up a trade, maybe fuel for their ships or new weapons they might need.”

As you explain exactly what will need to be done, Kyle is sort of glad you came. He doesn’t know if on the spot he’d be able to come with an exchange like you do; he sees why you’re their diplomat. Kyle has written many letters asking for services, but with pen and paper he has time to think over his words. He doesn’t express this much gratitude though; instead offering a small thank you, and slowing down his pace.

With your advice and presence, getting the Federation to fight alongside you is smooth sailing. Like you had predicted, Kevin Stoley did ask for something in exchange: he needed any parts from the crashed spaceship both of your kingdoms had, and finer weapons to provide the soldiers he’d be sending into this battle. You both agreed, giving him the meeting place, and were on your way.

Leaving the faction, Kyle walks next to you this time.

“Look, I know our kingdoms hate each other, but you really did help back there.” Kyle admits, hoping you hear it and that the wind is too loud and covers his words at the same time. At that, you smile up at him, not expecting his kindness, “It’s not a problem. Managing foreign affairs is my job.” You guys continue walking, and he can see you staring at him out of the corner of his eye. Your features aren’t painted with any disgust, and he hopes you don’t notice how pink his face gets from being under your attention. However, he hears the snap of a branch, and his attention turns to where the noise comes from; there, in your path, stands one of Cylde’s undead soldiers. Although Kyle has no doubt he can fight one soldier, he would prefer to avoid any potential injuries. He goes to hide behind a tree, but realizes you’re still walking, stuck in a daydream. Swiftly, he grabs your wrist, pulling you flush to his chest and covering your mouth with his other hand to muffle the yelp you let out. The zombie turns in your direction, but gets bored quickly when he doesn’t see anyone. Kyle’s heartbeat speeds up, and he prays his cloak muffles it enough so you can’t hear it. However, he loses that anxiety when he realizes he can feel an embarrassed heat on the hand covering your mouth, realizing you are just as flustered as he was. It makes him want to laugh, but he holds it down in case the zombie returns; he can’t bite down his smile though.When it’s safe, he lets you go, rolling his shoulders and standing straight up. Able to look at you again, he does see the heat in your face, and shock in your eyes. “Pay better attention,” he teases, voice light and airy, laughing slightly as he starts to walk and you run to catch up.

The pirates go even smoother; with Kyle being related to the captain, he doesn’t need to bribe them as much. He promises shiner swords, and that’s all it takes. When the captain calls you pretty, Kyle feels something bury in his stomach; he’s unable to pinpoint the emotion, but it disappears when Captain Ike stops talking to you.

You run into a few zombies on the way back to the Drow Elf Kingdom. He and you still duck behind trees in order to prevent unnecessary fighting; the proximity always causes him to get embarrassed, too aware of how close you are to him.

When you too return to the Elf Kingdom, Douchebag still hadn’t returned with the Sparkles; apparently they needed more than just shiny swords.

You have to return to the Grand Wizard, to speak about the terms and agreements. King Kyle feels empty when you aren’t there to keep him company, even if you are quiet.

He doesn’t see you again until the night you meet up to fight Cylde; however, his thoughts are still consumed by you.

He has an inkling that maybe, just slightly, he has a bit of crush on you. He tries to deny it. His knight, Stan, asked him about the journey, and Kyle couldn’t bring himself to talk about it, more specifically you.

He isn’t supposed to like you! You always weren’t supposed to be kind and pretty and become the only thing he can think about, which is untimely due to the war at hand!

You’re in armor when you arrive at the fight, forgoing any gown you’d typically wear on a normal day; he imagines a dress could get in the way, similar to his cloak. He thinks you look nice in your attire, but doesn’t say anything due to how close you stand to the Grand Wizard.

You, him, and some other soldiers start to make their way through the back, climbing the wall; Commander Douchebag had been sent to go through the inside, in order to open the doors and eliminate any threats inside.

When all of you meet up again, before entering Clyde’s throne room, you send him a smile, and that’s all he needs to feel confident in this battle.

However, he doesn’t have to worry about fighting, because Commander Douchebag is called to fight the zombie of an old friend, and chooses you as his partner.

Two things happen in Kyle’s mind at once: holy shit I’m going to have to watch them get hurt, unable to do anything and holy shit they look really good in battle.

(Maybe ignoring all those zombies was a bad idea)

You and Douchebag defeat the villain, and the Great Wizard banishes Clyde for good.

Kyle notices your wounds, the blood pouring from various cuts on your body, and wishes he could do something about it.

Instead, all of you go to get the stick, when Princess Kenny grabs it, preparing to fight for his right to it, due to his parentage.

Commander Douchebag returns to battle, and many of your allies go with him. King Kyle fights first, using his strongest move then returning to your side.

“Holy shit, you’re really bleeding, here.” Kyle goes to look through his bag, finding a health potion he was saving for this battle. He thinks about how if he didn’t know you, he’d be drinking this himself; he’s glad it’s going to you. Weak from blood loss, Kyle has to help you drink it. One hand cradles your cheek, while the other slowly tips the potion down your throat. He’s delicate with you, hand placed gently but firm to guide you to drink. He’s glad everyone is distracted with Princess Kenny to see the interaction, even if he knows it’ll be one he thinks of forever. The potion helps with the bleeding, slowing it down enough he can help sit you up. He moves you slowly, not wanting to cause you any more pain. “Thanks, you didn’t have to waste that on me,” You murmur, voice low with a lack of energy.Kyle smiles at you, grabbing your hand to rub your knuckles, “I wanted to.” Had he met you before the fear of Clyde’s power, Kyle thinks he wouldn’t have cared to look at you for long; his brain would’ve clumped you in with the rest of the humans. He’s glad that he met you now, where some humans have gained respect in his mind. That might be the one good thing to come from this war. “Are you guys gonna keep making out or watch Douchebag destroy Princess Kenny?” The Grand Wizard calls out, annoyed by your guys’ lack of care for the battle. Kyle did say some humans.