#and i think id feel worse so it wouldnt help me either

[justconstantly]

roommate from hell is packing and gone in t minus 18 hours but I'm literally crying in my room texting my friends about all the stupid shit she's done in the past couple days bc I'm too much of a pussy to be confrontational about it

[dykeseesgod]

what well its just that you havent spoken to me in years except to call me a faggot or to dislocate my shoulder and you know what else is missing besides an attentive listener a segue i suppose forgive my bluntness please dont hit me but i could giv two shits about you or your vacant mind or your morbid curiosities or your dead fucking dog so why dont you just leave i never dislocated your shoulder according to my doctor you did in shop class last spring you twisted my arm behind my back and said you wouldnt let go until i said and i quote i like to get it up the ass i was just playing around with you oh that makes me feel so much better you know through my screams and the searing pain i can definely recall hearing laughter any way i can contribute to the fun of the group we were just messing around with you fuck you cb id rather you say we beat the shit out of you because we cant stand you rather than youre just messing with me that implies light teasing or slightly oproprious behavior i havent eaten in the cafeteria in 2 years for fear of going home with some part of it smeared across my shirt i havent been to the bathroom on campus since my head got slammed into a wall i believe you were there i didnt do that well you didnt stop it either and the faculty doesnt care you know what im tired of hearing they only pick on you because of your own insecurities aw jeez mrs blank now that you said that my head doesnt hurt so much and people wonder why kids bring guns to school to shoot you fuckers down maybe youre not the bully but you stand idly by and watch and to me thats even worse so please just go youre being hostile and im just trying to have a conversation with you like a civilized i dont want to talk to you i just want to be left alone i dont need social pointers i just want an apology for the five minutes youve stolen from my day see this is why you dont have friends i think we both know why i dont have any friends oh dont be so melodramatic youre in here crying about a dead dog and im being melodramatic shut the fuck up about my dog ok or what youll hit me go ahead ill show you how people get hurt and dont run away to cry like a big fucking baby whats so funny asshole im sorry nothing i dont see anything to laugh at its nothing its just that i was scared of you for like a second im sorry no its ok i deserved it promise me you wont bring a gun to school i dont even know where id get one you were one of my best friends you all were i just dont get it can i be honest if its any consolation none of us knew what to say to you after your dad got arrested it was pretty awkward it was more awkward for me im sorry we werent there for you that means a lot see now youre being sarcastic again no i wasnt its hard to tell with you truce i wasnt fighting a war but sure truce are you i dont know ive never had sex so kinda hard to tell at this point what about my dad im not sure thats considered sex you remember how my dog used to howl when you played the piano yeah i always found it pretty annoying he was singing along what do you think happens to animals when they die they go to heaven you believe in heaven sure there has to be some reward for living through all this and you think there are animals there in heaven the wolf will live with the lamb the lion will lie down with the goat and the calf the lion and the yearling together and a child will lead them the cow will feed with the bear their young will lie down together and the lion will eat straw like the ox the infant will play near the hole of the cobra and the child will put his hand into the vipers nest but my dog killed a living thing wouldnt god be mad he was sick cb he couldnt help it you know they say a dog sees god in his master and a cat looks in the mirror i hate cats me too

[devouringcalamity]

Do you feel like you treating them unfairly was wrong? Do you regret the actions you took? What makes an action unfair if it isn't wrong? Additionally, when you say you tend to "use obsession against people" do you see that action as wrong? The way you say both of these things like "unfairly" or "use it against" tend to have negative connotations, but don't necessarily imply or warrant guilt. Do you often treat others unfairly for your entertainment? If so, do you feel that that's something you do despite it being wrong were everyone to do it, or do you think it's just you excercising power over others in a way that anyone could, like survival of the fittest? Do you think some people deserve to be treated poorly? Also, are you harmed by people attempting to insult you even if they're unsuccessful in hurting your ego? And if someone does something out of fear or in response to being treated unfairly, does that make what they did less bad or more understandable to you?

It was objectively wrong but i dont feel bad for it. I also dont regret it.

I know that using human emotions against others is wrong but often it is like second nature and i dont realize. It doesnt feel malicious either. I have only maliciously manipulated like three people in my life. With the others it kinda just happens and i dont mean to do it necessarily. When you grow up the way i did , you learn to notice the things people are most insecure about, you know exactly what to say to make it hurt. That happened to one of my classmates when i was still in school; i unknowingly kept pointing out huge insecurities in her which lead to her feeling bullied and hating me. These kind of things i do feel bad for because i never meant to upset her. I talked it out with her once i realised the harm i have done.

I definitely see a lot of people as way to get entertainment, especially online because its easier to dehumanise them through a screen. Using people helps with the chronic boredom you eventually develop and to have an outlet for any paraphilic obsessions. I cannot do these things to people i care a lot about, i do not enjoy hurting friends or partners; i have so many things id want to do to someone, theyre constantly on my mind and knowing it is attainable makes it even worse.

I do think its a survival of the fittest type thing; i prey on people i think of as “weaker” and so does anyone else who tries to use someone. I dont think it means these people deserve anything bad though, its just something that is more likely to happen. Although i prefer the kind of person who thinks they want to be abused, who already thinks of themselves as less as. I do feel guilt sometimes, rarely, but i do.

I like when people attempt to insult me, i dont mind negative attention. I stop enjoying it obviously when they actually say or do something that bothers me.

I think acting out of fear, hurting others out of fear, all these things are extremely understandable. I dont think someone is bad for trying to defend themselves in a bad situation and i do think its rightful to hurt the ones who hurt you. Of course it wouldnt be good for me if someone acted that way but i wouldnt fault them for it

[2bit-sunshine]

Hi everyone im danny and im feeling good for once in my twenties. Have been since about may. I cut off an old friend who mistreated my best friend. Ive helped my friends a ton. Im working on a security clearence for work. I am feeling much more confidant driving than i have ever. Ive bern socializing a lot and playing games like i used to. Ive been world building again and spending more time with my dog. Im working on my health and am actually confident in my body in a way i havent felt since i was thin as a waif. But i havent really lost a lot of weight.

The world is bleak and i worry and i hurt and i grieve all the people suffering out there. But right now my life actually feels. Worth it. My life is worth it. I havent thought about how id kill myself in months. I still dont have someone or someones to be intimate with and that hurts as it alwayd has. But im doing better

I am better

Idk. I really thought id be dead this time 12 years a go and i would be too dead to care about anything. I didnt think id be alive before i felt any kind of content or ambition to do more. But here i am. Im feeling content. And i want more too.

I know it sounds cliche at this point. But it does get better. I know it could get worse. But this feeling i have. This happiness? Its worth it. Its worth it to endure the bad times. Because while nothing lasts forever. The bad doesnt last forever either. I think part of it was acceptance of the things i had no power over and the things i could control, i have all the power to do so.

I alsl have amazing friends. I used to think people barely tolerated me and hated me. I spent years being told that if people didnt want me around they wouldnt have me around. I told myself it sometimes but never felt it. Never believed it.

But i do now. I believe it now. You gotta keep telling yourself those words of advice your loved ones give you. They will make sense one day. You will feel them when they are true. Your demons and shadows are not what defines you forever.

I worry so much for my friends who have such troubles still. I worry ill fall back into old habits. I worry some tragic thing is going to show me what im really made of. But it will be okay again. The sun will shine again. The spring will come again, however brief. The birds will sing again. The stars will always shine.

Idk. If youre reading this and having trouble. With yourself or your friends or your lovers or your family. It does get better. It might need time. It might be a long time. Its taken me over 2 decades to feel happy like i imagine i was as a child. And it hurt a lot along the way amd i made so manh mistakes amd fuck ups and lost friends and lovers.

Ive sat by while people get hurt. I wondered if i could even be forgiven for that.

The answer was yes. In a way. And sometimes it was no.

I cant change the past and some things shouldnt have happened. Shouldnt have at all. But they did and here we are. What to do now?

Forward. The only direction that really matters is forward. So forward i go. We go. Youll go.

The most important step is the next one.

You got this friends.

[luffythinker]

I'm glad your back cause I've had next to nobody to talk about Naruto/mha Au's with I have a lot of thoughts idk what this ask is but just my thoughts

Gaara is so Todoroki but also Sai is so Todoroki

How do you think Naruto would get along with Deku? I think his loud personality would be a sharp contrast to how quiet Deku is but also I can see him understanding but also not agreeing with Deku alot on different things. Both of them definitely end up getting a lot of hero costume upgrades due to destroying them. I think Naruto wouldnt like the way Bakugo sort of bullies Deku in the beginning and he would try and pick fights with Bakugo, Naruto would bring out the worse in Bakugo and try to rival him and square up him they would be so choaticlly funny together like can you not see Naruto getting angry someone compared to Bakugo because of his brashness?

Your just like that class A punk

I think Sakura would always be flailing her arms at "don't you care how Naruto's making our class look?" At either their homeroom teacher or classmates who dont give a damn about how they represented like Sasuke.

20 kids in the class idk id Kakashi would be a pro hero or their homeroom teacher but I'm going for homeroom I know that's not how it works but I'm gonna say Naruto's class is class C I know class C isnt hero course but let's pretend it is

1st years Naruto Sasuke Sakura Kiba Shino Hinata Shikamaru Ino Choji Maybe Gaara Tamari? Sai? Hanabi?

My exception for Hanabi is she skipped a grade I could say this for Konohamaru as well but I dont want him in Naruto's class he isnt exceptional enough

I'm running out of characters so I might pick up some side characters from filler arcs like

Sumaru from the star village cause I like that arc

Menma from the menma memory mission

Sora from shippuden filler

Sasume from the fuma clan

Yakumo from the Kurenai filler she was really cool character

Amaru from the Shippuden movie cause I super ran out of characters and needed one and I didnt wanna turn someone into a child

Sai gets transferred over to class C? Or he was put there to be a spy idk I never finished Shippuden so I dont know enough about Sai ( I made it to the part where Shikamaru comforts Naruto about Jiraiya's death) you can spoil me I know a lot of how everything transpires just not the details in between

For the sake of trying to fill the class I put Gaara in this class cause idk if he should actually be in another school, the sand village gives me poor people vibes I know they are not but I feel like Gaara is either really poor or really wealthy and got in on recommendation but also hes too destructive as a kid but also idk how this world would shape Gaara cause the sports festival seems to be for UA only? I feel like it shouldn't be but it is

Tenten Lee and Neji are 2nd years

Kankuro is in support course probably a 2nd year? The reason Temari isnt a 2nd year is because in gonna say she failed her test on purpose to stay with Gaara cause I remember she didnt take the Chunin exam for some reason canonly cause I remember Kankuro saying something about this to her in the Gaara chunin exam arc

Lee would so hype up Deku, Lee is the only quirkless kid going to UA hear me out, think of every character who's quirk has next nothing to do with how strong they are? Now ask yourself do you think they could still do half the stuff they've done I'd having the quirk doesn't matter

I think Bakugo wouldnt like Lee XD he'd call him bowl head or something, Tenten would not like Bakugo XDD I think Tenten should be in hero course but I also think she would do good in support

The first incident is the land of waves incident and while Deku is helping Iida with stain Naruto and Sasuke are fighting Zabuza and Haku that's where their internship lead them

I like to think everyone wanted to intern Sasuke after the sports festival but Sasuke wants to go with Kakashi cause their quirks are similar and he can teach him stuff, Sakura picks Kurenai cause in the anime Kurenai could have taught Sakura genjutsu so maybe their quirks are not so the same but Kurenai can teach Sakura something

Naruto goes with Jiraiya cause he spent a lot of time with him when he was teaching him about the frog thing when he fell off that cliff so Naruto is training with him cause hes the only person who wanted Naruto

Somehow they were lead to the same place and Kakashi figures out something and rush's over cause he has to save his students

Naruto ends up killing Haku I dont know how Zabuza would die but I want them to still go out cause this shaped Naruto very much he makes recalls to this a lot this is a pivotal point in his life Kakashi Naruto Sakura and Sasuke are there to witness Stain save Deku from the Nomu and feel his blood curdling wrath, they are taken to the same hospital as Deku Todoroki and Iida and told the same thing by the chief police cause they should not have been allowed to fight Zabuza, Naruto agrees with Todoroki and agrees to calling the chief police a mutt XD he adds mangy mutt but the situation is explained. Kakashi cant loose his teaching license like Gran torino but he loses taking on interns for a year

This point Naruto and Sakura really try to befriend Deku and his class because they were both put into terrible situations I do not think Sasuke would get along with Todoroki and I dont think he would care for Iida's personality however he would admire his speed

I dont know how to feel about Gaara getting humbled early cause his fight with Naruto in the sports festival would probably be the thing that put Naruto in the hospital with Deku during the sports fes but again I think he could meet him in the license exam but there isnt enough time to focus on truly going all out in a fight in the license exam

In the calvary battle I think Sasuke would form his own team and Naruto would form his own team as well, I think Sakura would want to be on Sasukes team but he dismisses her because from his perspective shes useless and hasn't really done anything so Sasuke would probably try and team up with Lee maybe? When they had their little fight before the tournament cause I plan to have Sasuke get his ass beat by Neji so Lee doesnt fight Sasuke in the tournament.

Naruto's team is Sakura Hinata I wanna say Shikamaru cause again my heart goes out to them but if not Shikamaru Sora cause nobody wants to be on Sora's team cause I remember him being really hyper aggressive starting a fight with Kiba and just being really jerk I do like Sora but he was mean lol Naruto is a rider while Sakura,Hinata and Sora or Shikamaru are horses

I think actually I will go with Shikamaru

Sasukes team is probably just Neji Tenten and Lee cause they might not wan a part with eachother and from Sasukes perspective these people are stronger then the fools in his class but theh wont let Sasuke be a rider which makes him mad, they either want Lee or Neji as the rider in leaning towards Neji he either completely disagrees and leaves the team or just swallows his pride cause beating the other teams Is the focus here.

Kiba Shino are a little mad Hinata ditch them maybe they will team up with Sai?

Just because Kankuro is in support doesnt mean he doesnt take part in this like Mei so sand siblings are back together here Gaara is riding and they are horses, I feel like Gaar would pick anybody to have a 3rd person here so maybe he picks Yakumo cause shes insanely quiet and murderous lol

Neji and Naruto definitely fought in the sports festival, Neji definitely fought Sasuke, I think for the sake of wanting Naruto to fight Neji and not having Naruto fight Sasuke yet I'm gonna say Neji beat Sasuke's ass in the final round for two reasons, Neji has more experience cause hes a 2nd year and I think it would be funny cause Sasuke did have a little rival dynamic with Neji

Making Sasuke more insane that Neji beat him along with Lee then watching Lee fight Gaara has to have pissed him off severely.

They also fight Kabuto maybe and he reveals to them hes evil and drops out of the competition after getting whatever he wants like in the Chunin exams, allowing someone to move up cause hes not there for his fight, I think Kabuto before they knew he was evil was Sasuke's second gay awakening cause Kabuto was kinda really nice to them and saved Sasuke at some point lol I remember pausing it on a scene where Kabuto jumps over on top of Sasuke to save him from an attack at the end of the Chunin exams

Sasuke almost gets disqualified for breaking that sound ninja's arms this is before he fights Neji but somehow he doesn't lol

Sakura having her fight where she cuts her hair. I have a headcanon that Ino gets scared of Sasuke when she witnesse him brutally beat those guys in the Chunin exam so Ino is afraid Sasuke at this point and doesnt pretend to have a crush on him anymore cause ya mans fucking psychopath.

So yeah, i'm gonna say Gaara he was humbled early on that is if he goes to UA I'm very leaning on yes he does go to UA

Sakura and Ino knock eachother out like Kirishima and Tetsutetsu and they have to determine a winner but both girls have 0 want for a rematch idk how this would end I personally think Sakura should win but maybe it would humble her in some way if Ino won showing Ino is still somewhat a stronger person than Sakura like when they were kids idk

I think Kakashi went to UA with Aizawa and Mic along with Gai Obito and Rin that sounds right

I think Sakura and Ino should be paired for the final exams for lesbian reasons/j but no yeah they need to have their argument. I would love Sasuke and Naruto to be paired I ready would but my Shikanaru heart tells me it should have the smartest kid and the dumbest kid working together Tsu and Tokoyami passing depended solely on it Tokoyami would listen to her so it's not far fetch to think Naruto and Shikamaru would depend on Naruto listening to Shikamaru I also kinda want to Sasuke Sakura pair up but Sasuke maybe Hinata because Hinata needs to learn how to have a backbone idk how pairing her with sasuke would do this but it might cause he might need her somehow we are getting

Kiba/Shino cause they are gay

Gaara and Tamari cause he needs to have a moment with his sister and apologize to her again for treating her the way he used to and they can have a heart to heart, and come out on top kinda like Todoroki and Momos final exam

If not Hinata and Sasuke, Hinata and Hanabi so they can work out their issues of Hinata being whatever she is in this AU with their dad and stuff, cause I'm thinking if Hinata is on Sasuke team shes gonna wanna only do as he says but she might try and take charge with Hanabi to protect her but she doesnt believe in her self enough and when something happens Hinata blames her self where Hanabi says she never blamed Hinata for anything that happened however their famliy plays out in this setting

I'm gonna be real with you, I dont really care for Choji and I'm not gonna pair up everyone else cause it's not really important and I dont remember a damn thing from those filler eps but I do remember Sora got on my nerves and Sasume whole thing was pretending to be a boy, Menma died with his ocarina, Sumaru thought he knew better then Naruto, Yakumo was overpowered and just really wanted to kill Kurenai so I have to rewatch those eps to give them plot and relevants

Everyone passes with flying colors

I like the idea we had where Naruto thought they weren't going to training camp and he wanted to go so he convinced Sakura and Sasuke to sneak onto the bus even though they were going anyway and there was no reason for that, that's funny as hell, Sasuke caught acting like a fool moment XD

In the training camp Class C is allowed along and I think either Kakashi or Iruka should be the one taking them cause Iruka having a falling out with Kakashi over the Zabuza thing and not trusting him with Naruto's safety from my AU is my golden goat. It's funny cause when the training camp gets attack hes unable to protect Naruto the way he thought he could.

I think Hinata would get along fine with class A girls, she kinda looks like Jirou, you mentioned before you think Kiba and Kirishima would get along I think they could be friends but Kiba is kinda mean and that's why Kirishima gets along with him cause he gets along with Bakugo. I think Shino scare the piss outta present Mic for fun. I think Kirishima would try to befriend Sasuke I think the Bakusquad would be sort of drawn to being his friend cause hes gloomy.

What does Naruto's training at the camp look like? I should elaborate on their quirks but this is overly long dnfjdjfjf

I'll end it on everyone's location when the camp gets attacked.

Naruto wants to save Sasuke I dont think the league of villains wants Sasuke but the Akatsuki wants Naruto so they maybe either came as a opposing force or are pretending to work with the vanguard squad to get what they want. They sent Itachi and Kisame only and this is where Sasuke gets in his "fight" that fucks his shit up so bad Naruto is running through the forest looking for Sasuke i was gonna say he runs into Deku and Shoji hiding from Dark shadow but I wanna say he runs into Todoroki and Bakugo fighting moonfish I say this so Deku doesnt get help fighting Muscular and saving Kota cause I think Kota would remind Naruto of Konahamaru but he wouldnt like him at first so Naruto and Deku get kicked in the balls by Kota and Naruto has 0 interest in him after that lol he just wants to fight the little kid. Bakugo and Sasuke share a tiny moment of smirking at this before Bakugo turns to yell at Todoroki for saying he reminds him of Bakugo and Sasuke. Kibas laughing his ass off while Hinata goes over with Iida to ask if they are ok, Sakura holds Naruto back so he doesnt attack Kota

"hes just a little kid naruto!"

"I dont care how old he is I'm gonna cream that kid!"

I'm going to say Hinata and Sakura are with Tsu and Uraraka when they get attacked by Himiko idk how this plays out but Hinata vs Himiko would be really fucking cool, Himiko ends up getting blood from Hinata as well

Kiba and Shino are there with Kendo and Tetsu fighting Mustard cause his smoke fucks with having bugs and Kiba's nose

The devastation in Naruto having to watch Bakugo get taken when they get Tokoyami calmed down and mr compress takes them, Naruto feels for people and I feel like he would really feel for Deku here he might feel responsible for not doing enough, Itachi having knocked Sasuke out they dont want Sasuke they want Naruto so the vanguard squad is free to take Sasuke but I feel like Itachi would have a heart and not want this to happen cause I believe itachi should be allowed to show love to his brother, he let's Naruto take Sasuke

Either Jiraiya is zooming over there when he finds out what happened so he can save Naruto and have his fight with the Akatsuki members or Iruka is gonna get hurt fighting them to save Naruto in leaning more Iruka but Jiraiya does get there but not in time, hes there to tell Naruto Sasuke shit got rocked and his brain is probably damaged from itachi's quirk

Temari would be with Iida and the rest of them when the pussycats fight spinner and Magne I think she would want to stay and help fight which unevens the oods but Mandalay says they want the students so they should go back to where Kirishima and them are, idk how this plays out shes worried about Gaara

Either Gaara is out there fighting the Nomu that was chasing the class B student and Momo when Momo put a tracking device on it or Gaara didnt do well on his final exam and is with Kirishima and thw rest of class A plus Monoma when Mandalay uses her quirk to tell them they are after Bakugo

Ino Shikamar Chojj were definitely part of the group running to get to the save haven

So either they take Sasuke captured with Bakugo cause they saw him in the sports festival and Shigaraki is like "yeah that one is really evil energy too, his quirk is strong we can get him on our side"

I dont remember what we talked about Sasuke being there when Bakugo got captured but I do remember we said did talk about the akatsuki and the league of villains at this part I'll have to find it and go over it.

This whole situation was terrible for everyone.

If Sasuke is stolen it isnt hard to convince Naruto to go with Deku to save Bakugo and Sasuke and fully agrees with Kirishima. Sakura is sort of on Iida's side that they shouldn't and she goes with them for that reason. If Sasuke is not stolen he has his fight with Naruto cause hes pissed and he leaves then

I think this is the "bring Sasuke back to me" scene my phone is at %15 so unfortunately I have to bring this Ted talk to an end I WANT ALL YOUR THOUGHTS even if you wanna build onto any part of this I think this is interesting thing I've written up >:) sorry is didn't get to have input on Sai I dont know what hes doing here I do t remember enough of his back story so if you find a way to fit him in and tie in his story be my guest he hasn't really interacted because I think Sai starts becoming friends with Naruto either in the license exam or when they move into the dorms

Also apologize for ambiguous Sasuke fate either way hea gonna leve UA and team up with Orochimaru somehow and Naruto is gonna be sad cause dorm life with Sasuke would have been fun despite everything they were friends :)

love how yall just write whole essays here!! let me get into it

What if we think of Gaara as Dabi (reformed) and Sai as Shoto?

Personally, i think Naruto and Izuku would get along really well, even if deku is quieter, i think Naruto would respect him a lot for aiming for his dreams, they're also both lowkey outcasts in society so they would bond over that. If we think about it, being quirkless is like not being able to use ninjutsu, so i think he would also get along super well with Rock Lee!! Can totally see Naruto not liking Bakugo, they would fight as rivals, but i don't see them getting along until Katsuki has his shift as a person.

Kakashi could be both tbh, working as a teacher and underground hero in the after-school hours!!

the random konohamaru shadekjdfkjdf, not all these extras making the cut into the class helppp

may i ask why u never finished shippuden?? i felt like i couldn't stop until i got through everythingkjfgjkf

i mean to me it makes sense that the sports festival is for U.A. only, i feel like it would get way too big and out of control if it involved everyone in a bunch of other schools. but i can see gaara making it through recommendation, cause he's super rich (kinda like momo)

Lowkey feel like Lee would hate bakugo lmao, his morals are just too strong and rigid, i don't think he would appreciate seeing him put other people down, tenten and neji would also keep to themselves

About sasuke, i just don't think he would give a fuck about anyone reallykjdfjk he just wouldn't care about the other class or anyone, too busy being a angsty emo gay

i like the matches u created for the sports festival (naruto version), it would be interesting to see them fighting and working in different challenges like this.

the training bus partjhdjdj its giving haikyuu/hinata, naruto so would convinve them to do that even though it was not necessary

i do think they could take sasuke and bakugo together, but that's a lot fo wild energy to control, i wonder if the league of villains/akatsuki could handle both of themfjkkfdj

i think naruto would go even if sasuke wasn't captured cause that's just his nature, he would help a friend save anyone even if he isn't particularly fond of that person, but with sasuke in the picture he would have things moving in a heartbeat

i have no idea how to fit sai into this, especially this early into the story ?? i think we could view sai here more like shinso maybe, where we know he's there but he's not quite part of the main story/events yet

also sorry for not giving this a proper reaction and analysis, it was quite long and my attention spam was fighting me to concentrate and retain everything, but i tried my best !! thank you for all this <3

[neims-skeleton-obsession]

16, 18 and 31 on Skulduggery for the ask game?

SKUG FUCK YEAH oh god these are gonna make me experience Thoughts And Feelings arent they /pos 16) deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves: oh this is. this is so evil i love you thank you im probably gonna end up spoiling book 15 be warned the first Plausible thing i thought of was that he did love china, for a little while. i hate the whole grandkids thing it doesnt make sense even chronologically but eh but no i do think he loved china for a bit, and not just because of the w. the whole her being beautiful as fuck- but because he really, truly cared about her. he probably would have felt so guilty about it if hed ever given it any thought- especially after he found out about some of her Worse Shit i think probably after wifey? like a few decades or so after wifey/the war. maybe. hm second thought: he thinks he is entirely unforgiveable. he says that he'll reclaim his family crest some day- but i do think he's lying. mostly to himself, but to val also. but realistically he has no plans to forgive himself, or accept others' forgiveness of him. he would deny that. i think. probably because admitting that to himself would make it that much harder to keep doing things- ie qquote un-quote good things. because if it wouldnt make a difference, it wouldnt change what hed done, what would be the point? 18) what they’d go to see a therapist about: i think he would have to be forced to go at gunpoint but id like to believe hed choose to go ghddgh but i think initially he'd go for. yknow how a fuck ton of characters point out him being an "angry man"??? thaaaaaat but it'd end up including his gEneral self loathing and all that traumatic sh- genuinely take a shot for every time he's been tortured and that doesnt include everything that's happened. ok. there's a lot. i don't know how if he'd actually be helped by going to therapy though. the systems arent that great for one and i think a lot of the gENeRAl sElf HatREd is. quite ingrained at this point rgyfhdgf.

31) jf they had a tumblr what would it look like: mmmm ok two thoughts: classic cars or getting into debates over true crime/crime. based fiction i dont remember what the genre is called i think all he'd figure out how to change is his pfp (probably just. set to a picture of his bentley or something oR. he'd deliberately leave it as default. or val would change it to something ridiculous and he'd give up trying to reset it), and his blog title n such. which i imagine would just be his name or, again, val setting it as something dumb and him not being able/bothered to change it erhgbegd. he'd either post an ungodly amount or very little at all (n just mostly reblogging stuff), probably the first, but he would use entirely correct grammar n punctuation, and probably correct other people on theirs in the tags. dickhead.

thank you for the ask!!! and sorry for the ramble(s)!!!!

[uglypastels]

Hello! So I saw your post abt not feeling like you fit in with your age group and I totally get that. I myself feel that way, I tend to hang out with an older crowd or just my partner. But honestly I think what makes that whole situation worse is having the mindset that you don't fit in with your age group or with anybody. I used to think like that and id be miserable everyday. What helps me personally is remembering I do have friends or that I do have people I do fit in with, its just not those people. Partying doesn't have to be the way you socialize. Drinking has a heavy influence on social gatherings but not everyone does that and thats okay. People hang out in many different ways. I mean my partner doesn't party when he hangs with his friends he plays MTG. (I mention my partner cuz he does more outings than me.) Luckily our age groups are so large that we can always find somebody to hang out with. But those people in uni aren't the whole world and im sure you can find people that aren't in uni or maybe are but they dont do the partying thing either.

Anyways I hope this doesn't come off as like me placing blame on you or being rude, if I was in anyway im so sorry🙇🏻‍♀️ I just related to your situation but ive gotten over that obstacles and I just thought I could tell you what helped me. But I understand you didn't ask for this so you can totally ignore it👍

No its absolutely ok, thank you so much

Honestly, for me, maybe if i was with people i was really comfortable with partying wouldnt be a big of a deal and drinking has never been a problem for me- in the sense i dont need it to have a good time (and i can drink pretty well but it upsets my stomach lol so often i go alcohol free)

My problem is that, even the people i do know and could hang out with, i stay away from. I get easily tired and frustrated so dont go places where i can be with people. I'm always scared that my messages are annoying so i dont text and when i do its a nightmare and same goes for talking probably.

I struggle hanging out with my own parents (then again, i think the fact that it has hit me that my mom is the only person ive talked to in weeks probably not the best for me) and i can barely talk to my family

And i am absolutely oversharing and traumadumping and ignoring your lovely advice so i'm really sorry. I really do appreciate your kind words

[magnoliamyrrh]

and another thing that chronic pain brings that i find is less talked about and that people without chronic pain can't wrap their head around, is the emotional pain and just straight up despair of feeling like your body is useless, knowing you'll never be able to do the things you want to that "normal" people can do.

^^^^^ Exactly

especially when it hits you when youre young. even if and when you manage to get used to the pain itself (tho even "getting used to it" takes a prepetual toll) theres still always that part of it too. of feeling trapped in a body that seems so weak and fragile, and there being things you want to do that you used to be able to at some point, or dreamed of being able to do that you just.... have to accept you either cant, or that if you do them theyre going to make you exponentially worse....... it feels like being forced to miss out on so many things, and its so damn hard and mentally draining and scary and,,,,yea,, a lot of dispair hits you. its hard to accept

i always lose it when i realize how much i can't rly do anymore. even when i had chronic pain some years back and my joints were going to shit, id still push myself and walk for hours upon hours almost every day, it was relaxing and one of my favourite things to do.... now there are many times when walking for 30-40 minutes a day or several times a week feels like it absolutely cripples me. such seeminly low effort things take it out of me for days on end.... i cant play guitar anymore because my hands cant handle it. when my pain was worse, thank god its better now, i couldn't draw anymore... theres so many hobbies i wanted to try, but cant because some part of my body wouldnt handle it. many times ive been too dizzy or exhausted to cook, despite it being one of my favourite things to do.... i had an entire weeks-long mental breakdown and spiraled horribly when i realized i couldnt really ski anymore, despite being very, very good at it. id rather die than think i could never ride horses again, but i know there is a high chance doing so will ruin my hips...... the list is fucking endless

it feels like some sort of nightmare you just cant seem to wake up from. past a point damned be the pain, but realizing your body just cant handle or do shit or doesnt have the strengh, or that the pain is just too sharp, its just... fucking horrible.... it almost breaks you more than the pain itself past a point. and idk personally its been a nightmare for me to see how fast a lot of my health issues have progressed. i was certain i wouldnt be as bad as i am now until i was in my 30s.... but in just a few years, its gotten so much fucking worse

..... its one of those things that i guess you cant do nothing about but accept...? and try to make the best out of??? because getting endlessly upset about it doesnt help, and being upset only feeds the chronic pain. but its very hard, especially when daily things in your life constantly remind you. i still havent been able to figure out some sort of way or mindset to do that at all

i assume from this ask you also struggle with this? im very sorry ❤️🧡❤️ it truly is a lot to handle to say the least. thank u for this ask tho, helps to feel less alone, and if u ever need to vent to someone who gets it ur more than welcome to 🌸 i hope this week will be easier on you and that youll feel a little bit better, and i hope with time you'll maybe be able to find some things which make it easier to bare. god knows what the chances are, but maybe with all the science nowadays well both have the insane luck for some cure or actual treatment, as far fetched as that seems at times

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[symphorine]

man. some days i look at my life and i feel lived and some days i look at my life and i feel so, so deeply lonely. and it keeps coming back its been there forever and theres times where it's like im standing in the dark holding the torn ends of the bonds i had with people but im alone, theres no one else. and even when i do feel them, when the bonds are whole and the people are in sight theres always a distance. nobody ever manages to actually reach through.

and like ive solved the suicidal part - ive decided that if im gonna just discard my life then i might as well actually keep it and make it something useful, try and put some good in the world. but i havent solved the loneliness and it keeps coming back and crushing me a little more and suddenly i just dont care about anything or anyone and i could change my name and move on the other side of the world and disappear from peoples lives and, worse than it not mattering to them - and its always oh, theyd be sad but not that sad, yknow, im not essential - it wouldnt matter to /me/

and then im like ok well clearly there's smth im not satisfied with in my life. what is it? what do i want? and it might help if i had an answer but i never fucking do. i dont have drive or passion or inner fire or whatever. hanging on to life to try and hopefully make a positive impact on people is as far as ive gotten. theres nothing else. like ok i COULD do that, follow the loneliness impulse and leave everything behind, and then what? i wouldnt be changed id just be even more lonely. the loneliness sucks rn but at least its somewhat tempered.

idk its like. i feel alone and theres a sort of perpetual fomo and jealousy to see other people reach each other but never me, and then feeling like i should try first, make the overture, but i dont deserve to if im not able to reach either, and itll just be more of the same, trying to fill the hole in my chest that runs so deep i feel it in everything. and then i do reach out and i feel loved but it doesnt stick. and i know its not normal its not how people feel but thats been that way forever. and honestly. what if i did manage to process feelings and emotions like a normal person but it didnt help, because people would still not reach me?

and even when i get far enough that i can think of trying new and different things i have so little energy all the time. what am i supposed to do with that.

idk i feel small and sad and im gonna go to bed.

[hardtoimagineblaireverchanging]

this could be the most incoherent string of text you have ever read but i want to try as hard as i can to sum up how im feeling, even though there are no words

i just sang through this is home and my voice sounded relatively deep, but not deep or masculine enough. i look down at my hands and they dont look like mine, they dont feel real, neither does my body, nor do i. im this close to using the pair of scissors i found on sunday, the ones i used to get my blades out of my sharpener, and my blades to just do my hair myself. knowing that its there is killing me. i want to cut my chest apart. i cant do anything to get it to look flatter. i never thought that i would want to but i really want to have top surgery, atleast now i do anyways. but the process is so long and its so expensive too. so is going on t. the only way either of those things would happen is if i go through private healthcare services, and that would be in a years time at least. i have the whole of two masculine outfits and ive been struggling to even wear pajamas because they all just seem so feminine. i hate every inch of my body and cant see anything masculine about it. i want to be toned, i want to have atleast slightly defined abs and muscles but its so out of reach for me because im fucking lazy, i want a v line, i want my collarbones and my jawline to be more prominent. i want my thighs to be thinner and more muscle rather than fat. i just want to look more like myself. i feel like im living someone elses life. people always say theyre ‘in the wrong body’ when they come out as trans but i well and truly am. i dont want this. i cant have this. its like a sick game and i want out. i dont know what other words to say. i cant find them. everything about me doesnt just feel wrong anymore, it is wrong. and it isnt taken seriously either.

im getting the worst urges in the world. i want to cut myself, burn myself, run away and make sure i dont get found. pack a bag, take everything i need with me, maybe take nothing at all. i know i wouldnt take my phone. id draw all the money i had out in cash, make myself harder to trace. or maybe i wouldnt take money. maybe id just disappear, completely. all i know is that im so tired, rhys, so fucking tired. you know the worst itll get is me harming myself, i wouldnt do anything worse than that, but i really want to. i cant cope with how real everything is. but it doesnt feel real enough at the same time. my thoughts are so conflicting and so confusing too, and all i want is quiet. youd be able to make things quiet. i know you would. i just want to sleep, lay with you. then ill stop thinking and itll be quiet.

my relationship with food is getting really messy again. part of me wants to eat and eat and keep eating until i start throwing up because i ate too much, part of me never wants to touch food again. i want to wither away. decay. i want everyone around me other than you to feel helpless, like this is their fault, because it is. the only person to help has been you, i wouldnt want you to feel guilty or helpless or responsible because you are the only good left in my pointless existence. i dont want to get out of bed or move ever again. i wont. things are really really bad this time. i think ive spent the best part of or atleast half an hour typing this out and i still feel there is so much more left to say or to explain but i dont know how to.

[forestryfae]

like i dont know i think its fucking stupid to throw away and give away so much stuff like. thats such a waste of money. but at the same time its ind of hard to feel like a person and understand whats a neccessity and what isnt when youve grown up with two grown ass adults who never really got to the point where they like. became responsible.

mom might have fed us and given us clothes sometimes and she did in fact sometimes get shit done but ultimately she was verbally and emotionally abusive and negligent. she yelled at me for being underweight as if it was my fault my parents werent feeding me real food or making sure i ate or even just making food. any time i was upset or sad id get yelled at and dismissed and id hear all about how my reactions werent appropriate like. she reacted and still reacts much worse to things than i ever did and atleas i have a good excuse for it. i actually grew up with abuse and ive only ever seen people get furious over both tiny and big things. noone else reacts appropriately, how the fuck would i know what is and isnt appropriate if i at 4 years old am screamed at and insulted and told noone in the whole world cares about me. like. when i started getting really sick she put me all alone in an apartment and didnt do anything to help me get a psychiatrist or any kind of real help. its fucked.

dad didnt even fucking feed us or talk to us so there was verba abuse when he was mad at us and a lot of screaming on top of the neglect. he didnt even fucking talk to us unless it was to tell us to make dinner on our own cus he didnt feel like it. apparently the excuse was "since youve already eaten" like?? no, my brother just ate. i learned i wasnt going to get dinner if i ate after school despite not having eaten anything since the day before or longer so i stopped eating right after school and we still didnt get fucking fed.

there was nothing in the house we could eat either cus its all just ingredients and i was terrified of taking anything in case someone got mad at me for using it. after all the rules were all made up on the spot both before nad after the divocre and in both households.

and he didnt talk to us either like at all unless it was to either yell or tell us to clean up after "us" (my brother who made the mess that i always wound up having to clean up) or to tell me i still had to go to school despite being bullied and sitting alone in a fucking room literally all day with no teachers or else hed. go to jail. like yeah sure and thats our fault for being left alone all day and not being fed or taken care of between the ages 8 and 14? you cant blame a 9 year old and a 6 year old when they struggle to get to school on time all alone when theyve never done that before and they had no preparation besides being told that they had to get ready all alone a few days before summer vacation was over

like idk i try to not think too much about choldhood shit but it creeps up on me all the fucking time and its really hard to actually convince myself that yeah no a child should not have those responsibilities, even if it was me. i wasnt fucking capable of being "the older one" and the "bigger person" and "ignoring them" and "taking care of everyone" like mom and dad sat me down and talked to me about when i was what? fucking 6? 7?

like at some point, if your kid is starving not because they have an eating disorder at 12 but because theyre not being fucking fed half the year and they have been screamed at for random shit and never been given real frameworks or anything for whats allowed and what isnt so they also cant feed themselves because theyre scared of being yelled at the same way i was scared of cutting my own nails and did it in secret so mom and dad wouldnt scream at me, until my brother ratted on me one day while i was doing it and i found out the reason i wasnt allowed to do it before and HAD to get them to do it was because they were worried id cut my nails too short and itd hurt my fingers. like? i was afraid i was going to get screamed at for doing something everyone else outside of our house had been allowed to do for years.

like at that point i dont wanna hear anything from anyone, not even myself, about "why didnt you just do this and that" because i didnt fucking know i could do it, or i did know it was possible but i was afraid i was going to get screamed at for it, or i just wasnt allowed, or i was straight up too scared or depressed to do it. i wasnt able to in some way. i was a kid with no information or support and i was told repeatedly by everyone around me that all problems came from me specifically and that was it. it wasnt as easy as just getting a car and a job and getting the fuck out of there, i didnt even know how fucked it all was until i actually met people who treated me like my basic needs and my basic wellbeing and my basic emotional needs actually exist and matter that i started realizing exactly how fucked up it all is.

i feel BAD for needing a shower, or for being tired, or for being sad, or for being happy, or just for being hungry. like im not really supposed to need anything im just supposed to get by with less than the bare minimum and its been that way forever and its really hard to convince myself that all of this bullshit was as bad as it was and i didnt deserve it and i am allowed to exist. saying i deserve to have my needs met sounds so fucking stupid because yeah i do but like i could survive with less and i should. like no?? thats fucked. come on. we can do better than that, we deserve better and we dont have have to strategize and minimalize what is needed to feel good. im allowed to want to be happy and work towards it. its fucking hard but itll be okay

[evilyisme]

i feel like i’m in this permanent weird mood even tho i know it’s not permanent idk. it’s partially exhaustion & the combination of things. need to get more sleep. i’m trying to do normal things but it’s all kinda off like i’m not as happy i should be about anything which is., unfortunate idk i need to just think talk & get sleepy & sleep again i dont want to bother ppl in my life w/my rambling & yet i can’t isolate my thoughts or i’ll Perish like i’m not real so hey thanks tumblr for bein That Bitch for me & keepin it real

[simnastyy]

Idea for a drawing: Miranda flirting with Mercutio, and Tybalt getting super jealous in the background. Feel free to ignore it if you don't like it :)

HEY i know u sent me this ask awhile ago and while i tried to draw it, id wouldnt come out how i wanted it to, so INSTEAD, I tried to write it!! mind you im no writer so keep that in mind. hope u like and thanks for sending me this!

Just look at them. 

Both of them talking to each other, your cousin and Mercutio Monty. You don’t know what it’s about and you don't care, a Capp and a Monty don't talk to each other and looking at it completely fucks you off. And yet, you don’t look away. From across the street you watch them, Miranda taking off her shades and fidgeting with them as she talks, smiling and making small gestures towards him. Suddenly you DO care. She’s flirting. She’s flirting with HIM.

You’re beyond pissed. You scowl at the Monty boy from where you're standing, watching him like a hawk to see what his reaction is. Hes either playing dumb, ingnoring or dodging around her advances. Atleast, that's what you hope he's doing. Good. But still, you can't avert your gaze. Why do you even care about this? About him? It should be Miranda who you should be worried about, not him. Not Mercutio… 

Shit...

All of a sudden you start to realise it's not feud fueled rage you feel, it’s jealousy. You're jealous, so much so you start to feel fucking sick. You're jealous and angry and Watcher knows what. Over Mercutio fucking Monty. It goes against everything you've had drilled into you by your Grandfather, against the feud, against how it’s so ingrained that you attack on SIGHT AND YET. You hate to admit it, you like him, in some kinda fucked up crush way and seeing Miranda hit on him doesn’t make you mad but instead jealous, you HATE that. It’s the same with Juliette and fucking Romeo. Just the mere sight of them embracing and snogging each other at any and every possible moment makes you want to fucking hurl. Its fucking disgusting, It... It makes you envious. Envious how they can just discard the blood feud between your families and just. BE together without a care in the world. How even despite you chasing that beanie wearing weasel off the Capp property numerous times, he keeps coming back to her and she sneaks out all the time and they're just... together. Happy even.

It’s not fair. None of this is fair and you absolutely hate it. You hate how you’re watching your cousin try to clumsily flirt with the boy you like and getting all jealous over it like a petty, shitty little kid. All you want now is to make it stop. You could shout and threaten him to chase him off, do the classic ‘start a fight for no reason’ act or you could pull Miranda away, use the old “Capps don't fraternize with Montys” spiel and threaten to tell Aunt Goneril about it. Pretty awful but, you’ve done worse... You want to do worse. You want to go over there and spite her, just grab him by the shirt right in front of her and just pull him into a-

Fuck. What the fuck are you thinking?. No way. Pull yourself together Tybalt. You look back at the pair across the road, making small talk and Miranda looking deflated. Maybe Mercutio shot her down. Some sick part of you is happy about that thought. As they separate, your gaze follows Mercutio as he walks away. Good riddance. As it should be. But, you can't help but still feel the bile rising from the back of your throat from that ordeal. You simply huff and start walking away yourself, a horrid mix of emotions swimming around in your head. 

“Stupid fucking Monty.”

[eztria]

trollhunters: rott and overall toa thoughts

decided to write down what i think of the movie and the series as a whole after watching rott

toby domzalski

first of all, i am so unspeakably sad that toby remained a comedy relief character until it was time for him to die. i really hoped he would get his time to shine but not like this. the death scene was definitely amazingly done and im glad that at the very least rott had a scene that showed the audience just how important tody’s friendship was to jim.

on that note tho, im sad that no one seemed to realize that toby was gone??? it was only after jim realized what happened that he was the first to desperately search for him. i get that toby has the strongest ties to jim but??? claire??? AAARRRGGHH??? they were also close with toby but even after seeing him take the car they didnt immediately shift their focus to him after finding jim???

i really wished we got more serious moments with him through all the toa series. i feel like after trollhunters (although he was also a comic relief there, but id say there was more to him back then), he became the designated comic relief and it makes him such a 2-dimensional character.

jim lake jr

jim is one of my favorite protagonists ever in any show, so seeing him struggle through all the series was always an emotional rollercoaster. i appreciate what rott was going for, the “he doesnt need the armor/amulet, hes always been a hero” sentiment but... the movie gives him the amulet back in the same scene in which he says it. i was severely disappointed when it happened, im not gonna lie. the scene would have been way more impactful if jim defeated bellroc by himself when they were stripped out of magic, instead of suddenly getting a power-up and besting her in combat. if jim didnt get the amulet right then the message of “i always was a hero, with the amulet or without” would have actually hit way harder. we see jim struggle about being just human and lacking the power to hold his own ground in a fight through the whole movie and him suddenly besting bellroc with the amulet is just. underwhelming. i think he should have gotten the amulet after the fight, so we still could have the whole time travel shenanigans thing happen, but def not when he got it. 

and on the topic of the time travel, what the fuck did they do to jim. like????? hello????? this. in Not. the same jim lake jr who went into the darklands all by himself so his friends wouldnt get killed/hurt. this is Not the same jim who refused to burden his mother with what he had to deal with as a trollhunter. the fact that he makes a concious choice to have toby pick up the trollhunter amulet????? is so out of character for him???? especially since he experienced all the struggles, the hurt, the trauma himself. i Refuse to believe he would ever have his best friend relive the hell he has been through all those years. especially since only He has the knowledge of the past??? how does he think this is going to play out??

not to mention that, by having the amulet choose toby, it means that the whole fate/destiny aspect of jim being chosen is out of the window. i didnt like how much the series leaned into it already, because im not a fan of stories which support the concept of “destiny/fate” but that ending really just confirm that jim was never the chosen one, he was just lucky to get the amulet first, because it could have been literally anyone. and im not trying to say that toby would not be a great trollhunter himself, i just mean that if toby can also be chosen instead of jim, the whole speech about destiny is kind of a lie.

claire nuñez

this isn’t really a criticism about her character, but more of how she has been treated by the narrative. im glad that claire gets to do more in this movie and that she keeps an active role (despite being spent in critical points to prevent her from solving problems). i really wish claire was more than Just jims love interest once they got together tho. i wish she was first and foremost his friend instead of his girlfriend, although that might be just my personal pet peeve of narratives putting romantic relationships above platonic ones. i felt it was really a shame that her wish for jim was to “find her and try until she falls in love with him again”. like i get that it was a sweet scene and sentiment overall but all i could think of was shouldnt she be freaking out that her friends and family are possibly dead because of the destruction of the whole town??? she could have been helping people evacuate and then join the fight.

the steve palchuk problem

ive seen a lot of people talk about this, but yeah the mpreg plot was really unnecessary. its really weird and it made me very uncomfortable considering both aja and steve are like. supposedly 18? in rott. this whole plot point not only feels like it takes up time that could have been better spent, but it also kinda portrays aja as a really bad partner to steve. like. you’re telling me she never really told him how this works??? like, ignoring how stupid and arbitrary the 7th kiss thing is, considering that she knows how kissing works for humans, she Should have told him about the possible consequences of it. i get that she was on akiridion-5 but is there really no way for her to communicate with him, considering that krel stayed on earth??? i dont remember if there was any communication mentioned, but if it was, that makes aja even worse in this context, honestly. they did my girl so dirty.

(on a quick note tho, i do like how aja was reluctant to follow jim. she’s a queen now and her priority will always be the safety of people surrounding her so her sentiment of “you can do the risky thing But my ships are still showing up either way” was really nice and i actually liked that she kinda went against jim and questioned him.)

with the mpreg steve plotline also comes the fact that eli is barely in this movie. we literally only get to see him to see that he has a growth spurt and then to have him deliver the babies. i really wish we could have gotten more about eli himself, maybe see how his relationship with aja developed into a friendship??? or the good old eli-steve friendship after a long time of being apart.

anticlimactic deaths/losses

nomura’s death scene was so fast and we didn’t even really linger on its impact, which honestly was. really disappointing. strickler was also done really dirty by being killed off nearly immediately after the reveal of his engagement with barbara. at the very least we got a scene of the lakes mourning him.

nari’s death served a purpose. they sacrificed herself to kill skrael. i did like how much it impacted douxie, but after the deaths, the characters are not really mentioned again until the very end when jim decides to time travel.

archie being left behind felt kind of forced and i wish he stayed in the story if only so douxie didnt have to lose two people close to him on the same day. we also never mention him again which... okay.

this is the finale... where is everyone, what is happening

is barbara just stranded in the castle now??? where is nana?? the changeling babies??? notenrique and claire’s family??? the trolls from the troll market??? this whole movie just felt rushed, honestly. we never were told how barbara and strickler got to the castle and we never even got to witness them see jim in the human form for the first time too. i honestly think this movie should have just been a series. it has enough action to stretch it out and we could have had more scenes that were about finishing arcs for characters and lingering on the consequences of certain deaths. its not a bad movie in itself, but it does not feel like a proper finale to the toa series, especially with the last 5 minutes of rott. im kind of disappointed, but at the same time we p much got an open ending so everyone can go wild with their interpretations/speculations.

[vakta]

update <3 (mention of binging + a whole vent abt exercise addiction)

March 3. 2022.

today wasnt bad i think. the best day that i've had in a while, actually.

tuesday was terrible. i already woke up feeling like shit and i also gained some weight which i wasnt emotionally prepared for. and i just couldnt study, it was as if my brain had been too exhausted idk but i had a lot of stuff to get done and i was stressed, and i was also stressed bc i hadnt felt hungry all day but still pushed myself to eat bc recovery yk but this made me even more stressed, and then i kind of binged in the afternoon bc of this. funzieees, right?? i felt so terribly shitty, im so glad it is over.

calorie-wise it wouldnt even necessarily be called a binge (idk the minimum kcals of what can be called binging), but it was definitely more than what amount i can digest without problems, and i felt rly out of control too. this has happend several times so far btw this winter, and it is always peanut butter lmao.

so i felt terrible and then i restricted the next day (wednesday). i know i shouldnt have but i just wanted to feel hungry again, then i go back to recovery.

i did that, and today i ate quite well i think!! i also got a decent amount of schoolwork done so im rly glad :D

the only bad thing is the stupid exercise addiction, bc i just cant let it go. i exercised tonight, well not that much, it was power yoga. but like still. i think it isnt about the amount of exercise, but the obsession. bc i remember when i wasnt even allowed to do more than a 20 minute walk daily, i went outside in any kind of weather and walked as if my life had depended on it. i was obsessed, i still am. i have reduced the amount but i cant stop thinking about it. i didnt go walking today, but already planned a walk for tomorrow. i porbably shouldnt go bc i kinda only do it so that i wont feel guilt. but if i dont go then the next day the guilt would be even worse, and the next day even worse than that, etc etc, and i dont think there would be a day when id be like "hm actually im not guilty anymore" like???? why would i come to that conclusion? it would be nice tho.

sooo idk. this is exercise thing is bad. and it will become more and more ridiculous as i manage to reduce the amount of exercise but not the obsession. like, if i werent allowed to go anywhere or do yoga, i would be like "how many times did i go up and down the stairs today??? was it enough??? how many plates did i put on the highest shelf, not enough i need to lift more plates!!1!1!!!" etc. so that would be ridiculous and this is what im afraid of. but how to reduce the obsesson, if reducing the exercise doesnt help in itself?????? i have no fucking clue.

but anyways, today wasnt bad so that is nice! hopefully tomorrow wont be either :)