#and i really really struggled to let it go throughout EW

[littlelordalphinaud]

Spoilers for the Eden Raids

I recently helped my daughter get through the Eden Raids and something that stands out to me is one of the fights in the final book of the raids, where the enemy is made from Ryne.

There's plenty of influences in the design, but what are the key two?

Ranjit and Thancred!

It's explicitly stated that this is made from her fears.

I don't doubt that Ryne loves Thancred. I also don't doubt that Thancred loves Ryne. But I also think that she was afraid of him, after the first conversation with the original Minfilia, after Thancred found out he could have his Minfilia back and his behaviour changed.

In a post I'm sure I'll eventually write (doubt) I wanna talk about how we're genuinely so lucky that Ryne is as functional as she is with what she's lived through as a child, and Thancreds selfishness only made that harder.

One thing that really gets me about Urianger comforting Minfilia in Amh Araeng is that when she says Thancred hates her, Urianger never actually says, no, he doesn't. He says instead, none of this is your fault, and the original Minfilia wouldn't hold anything against you, and in typical Urianger form he says some things about fate and faith, and his words are kind and beautiful--but he also completely sidesteps the question of how Thancred feels about her.

And I think this moment is very reflective of Urianger's relationship to Thancred and child!Minfilia as a whole. It reflects what we see when we first see all of them together in Il Mheg.

Urianger knows that the way Thancred behaves toward the girl is hurting her. He's spent enough time around the two of them to see that plainly. Theoretically, he could say something to Thancred about it; they're obviously close friends, and if Thancred was going to value anyone's opinion, it would be his. But he doesn't say anything, because he still feels guilty and responsible for all of it: about their Minfilia going to the First and what happened to her there, and thus for what both Thancred and child!Minfilia are going through now. Even though Thancred has never outright blamed him for it (however he may feel privately, which I think is hard to say), it seems like Urianger still feels like he has no right to say anything.

So he tries to compensate instead. He's kind to Minfilia, connects with her in his own way and gives her books, and by the time we see them together he's obviously become something of a familial figure to her. I would say that he and Thancred aren't so much raising her together as they're doing it... around one another. Thancred is gruff and cold and holds Minfilia at arm's length emotionally so that his protectiveness comes off harshly even when it's well-meant, and Urianger dotes on her and tries to make up for it all while avoiding the actual problem.

So that conversation in Amh Araeng is both touching and maddening to me, and it really drives home what's maddening about it when, upon overhearing it, the Warrior of Light turns to Thancred to ask him if he has anything to say to Minfilia--who has just said, out loud, that she thinks Thancred wishes she was dead--and Thancred just says, "Not today."

And so they both go on avoiding the actual problem, for just a little longer.

[scary-noodlesblog]

Soulbound Ch 14

Sympathy For The Devil

Soulbound Masterlist

(A/N): wooo we are on season 5! Check out my Tumblr page for polls on future plot points for this story because sometimes I'm indecisive. 

3rd Person POV:

"Come on!" Dean says, pulling his brother and sister to the doors of the sanctuary slam shut in their faces. They rattle the door, struggling to open it and escape the rising of the literal devil behind them. A high-pitched sound makes the three hunters turn around, grimacing at the light before the sound gets louder, bringing them to their knees as they cover their ears. As white engulfs them, Dean, Sam and (Y/N) all shut their eyes. 

"What the devil is your name?" (Y/N) hears before she opens her eyes. She glances around her, seeing Sam on her right, Dean on the other side of him. Something has teleported them onto a plane. She looks on the little screen on the seat in front of Dean, seeing the in-flight movie of "Devil's Feud Cake", a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

No one around the three seemed to have noticed their sudden appearance, someone even walking on (Y/N)'s left down the aisle towards the restrooms. "What the hell?" (Y/N) asks, looking over at her brothers, who look just as equally confused.

"I don't know." Sam shakes his head, glancing out the window.

The pilot speaks through the intercom above their heads, "Folks, quick word from the flight deck. We're just passing over Ilchester, then Ellicott City, on our initial descent into Baltimore—" 

"Ilchester? Weren't we just there?" Dean asks. 

The pilot continues, "So if you'd like to stretch your legs, now would be a good time to—Holy crap!"

A sudden shock wave knocks the plane off kilter, people getting thrown around the plane like ragdolls as they scream. (Y/N)'s knuckles turn white as she grips the armrests. Oxygen masks drop down, the three hunters immediately putting them on. Several different alarms and beeping are going off. Sam's left arm is holding onto (Y/N)'s left armrest, his arm extended over her lap like a mother who just had to brake really hard in a car. (Y/N)'s right hand holds her mask while the left holds a fistful of Sam's jacket sleeve. The high-pitched sound returns as Dean looks out the window, terrified.

~~~~~~~

1st Person POV: 

After getting off the plane of death, the three of us got into a rental car. Dean is driving like always and Sam in the passenger seat, leaving me in the back as per usual. Sam clicks on the radio, an announcer's voice playing over the speakers, "—and Governor O'Malley urged calm, saying it's very unlikely an abandoned convent would be a target for terrorists, either foreign or homegrown."

"Change the station." Dean mumbles.

Sam pokes at the radio, another announcer's voice cutting through. "—Hurricane Kinley, unexpectedly slamming into the Galveston area—"

Click. "—announced a successful test of the North Korean nuclear—"

Click. "—a series of tremors—"

Click. "—swine flu—"

Sam turns the radio off and sighs. "Dean, look—"

"Don't say anything." Dean interrupts him, pausing for a moment. "It's okay. We just got to keep our heads down and hash this out, all right?"

"Yeah, okay." Sam says softly, nodding his head. 

"All right, well, first things first—How did we end up on Soul Plane?" Dean asks.

I shrug, crossing my legs, "Angels, maybe? I mean, you know, beaming us out of harm's way?"

"Well, whatever. It's the least of our worries. We need to find Cas."

~~~~~~~

The three of us wander around quietly throughout Chuck's house. There's blood and household items everywhere. The boys and I enter the kitchen, seeing blood on the toaster and microwave turn plate. A creak from behind us puts us on higher alert, I wander back into the living room behind Sam, Dean behind me. 

I let out a gasp as someone jumps out, swinging something at Sam's head. Sam stumbles back, almost into me as he holds his head. "Geez! Ow!"

Chuck looks at us in disbelief, holding a...toilet plunger? Ew. "Sam."

"Yeah!" Sam scowls, making me chuckle.

"Hey, Chuck." Dean greets from behind me.

Chuck pants softly, stepping forward a little. "So...you're okay?"

Sam rubs his head again, "Well, my head hurts."

"No, I mean—I mean, my—My last vision." Chuck stammers. "You went, like, full-on Vader. Your body temperature was one-fifty. Your heart rate was two hundred. Your eyes were black."

Dean's eyebrows raise as I look at Sam, crossing my arms. "Your eyes went black?"

Sam turns to glance at Dean and I, "I didn't know."

I shake my head, putting myself back on the right train of thought, "Where's Cas?"

The look on Chuck's face immediately fills me with dread. He looks at me like he's about to give me his deepest sympathies. His next words rip the air from my lungs. "He's dead. Or gone. The archangel smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry."

It feels like my throat is closing as I hear Dean, "You're sure? I mean, maybe he just vanished into the light or something."

"Oh, no. He, like, exploded." Chuck takes a couple steps forward. "Like a water balloon of chunky soup."

Dean puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. A silent, 'are you okay?'

I swallow thickly and nod, blinking away the water pooling in my eyes and maintaining my composure. I let out a sniffle and shift my weight to my right leg. Sam looks back at us again before turning back to Chuck with a sigh. "You got a—" Sam gestures to the left side of his head. My eyebrows crinkle as Dean pulls out the pocket door to the kitchen. 

"Uh...right here?" Chuck touches the right side of his head.

Sam shakes his head, "Uh, the..."

Chuck feels around the other side of his hair, "Oh. Oh, god." He pulls something out of his hair, something small and white-ish. "Is that a molar?" He holds out the tooth, making me cringe. "Do I have a molar in my hair? This has been a really stressful day." I hear Dean slide the door back in its place and walk back up behind me.

Dean scoffs, "Cas, you stupid bastard."

My eyebrows furrow as I smack Dean's chest. "Stupid? He was trying to help us."

Dean just nods, "Yeah, exactly."

"So, what now?" Sam shrugs.

"I don't know." Dean huffs. 

I look at Chuck, who looks like he's disassociating. "Oh, crap." he mumbles.

"What?" I ask.

"I can feel them."

A new voice cuts through from the kitchen, "Thought we'd find you here." We turn to see Zachariah, accompanied by two other angels. The former nudges his foot through the debris on the floor, metal clattering. "Playtime's over, Dean. Time to come with us."

Dean shoves a finger in the angel's direction. "You just keep your distance, Asshat."

Zachariah looks at Dean with a calm expression. "You're upset."

"No shit, Sherlock." I roll my eyes, glaring at the winged fucks in front of me.

"Yeah. A little. You sons of bitches jump-started judgment day!' Dean yells.

The angel just shrugs, "Maybe we let it happen. We didn't start anything. Right, Sammy?" Zachariah winks, making Sam shift uncomfortably. "You had a chance to stop your brother, and you couldn't. So let's not quibble over who started what. Let's just say it was all our faults and move on. 'Cause like it or not it's Apocalypse Now. And we're back on the same team again."

Dean just nods like he's amused. "Is that so?"

"You want to kill the devil. We want you to kill the devil. It's...synergy." Zachariah explains.

Dean scoffs, "And I'm just supposed to trust you? Cram it with walnuts, ugly."

Zachariah chuckles. "This isn't a game, son. Lucifer is powerful in ways that defy description. We need to strike now, hard and fast—before he finds his vessel." 

"His vessel? Lucifer needs a meat suit?" Sam laughs softly.

"He is an angel. Them's the rules." The angel smirks. "And when he touches down, we're talking Four Horsemen, red oceans, fiery skies, the greatest hits. You can stop him, Dean, but you need our help." 

"You listen to me, you two-faced douche." Dean challenges. "After what you did, I don't want jack squat from you!"

"You listen to me, boy! You think you can rebel against us? As Lucifer did?" Zachariah asks before looking down at Dean's hand. "You're bleeding."

My eyebrows furrow as I see blood drip from Dean's hand. Dean smirks, "Oh, yeah—a little insurance policy in case you dicks showed up." Dean reaches behind him, pulling out the pocket door and slapping his bloody hand to it. 

Sam, Chuck and I flinch as a bright white light engulfs the angels, banishing them.

"Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch." Dean grumbles before looking back to us.

Chuck sighs, "This sucks ass."

~~~~~~~

I sit on one of the motel beds of the Regent Motel, a dingy little place under a train overpass. I huff as I clean my gun, the different pieces laid out in front of me on the covers. Dean, only a few feet away, is reloading some of the guns that were in the Impala's trunk at the table.

"Hey." Dean greets Sam as the younger Winchester walks in, making me lift me head from my current task.

"Hey." Sam closes the door and pulls out two little bags, tossing one to Dean, then to me. "Here. Hex bags. No way the angels will find us with those. Demons, either, for that matter."

"Where'd you get it?" I raise an eyebrow as I examine the small, brown cloth bag.

"I made it." Sam says, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets.

"How?" Dean puts the hex bag on the table.

Dean looks up at Sam as he hesitates for a moment, "I...I learned it from Ruby." Of course he did.

The older Winchester sets down his gun and approaches Sam. "Speaking of. How you doing? Are you jonesing for another hit of bitch blood or what?"

Sam shakes his head. "I-it's weird. Uh, tell you the truth, I'm fine. No shakes, no fever. It's like whoever...put me on that plane cleaned me right up."

"Supernatural methadone." Dean chuckles. 

"Yeah, I guess." Sam smiles slightly before hesitating again. "(Y/N), Dean—"

I lift my head from cleaning the gun again as Dean interrupts him, "Sam." He turns back to the table. "It's okay. You don't have to say anything."

Sam chuckles lightly, "Well, that's good. Because what can I even say? 'I'm sorry'? 'I screwed up'? Doesn't really do it justice, you know? Look, there's nothing I can do or say that will ever make this right—"

Dean interrupts him again, yelling, "So why do you keep bringing it up?!" 

"Dean." I chastise, my voice sharp as I narrow my eyes at Dean. "He's just trying to make it up to us. He's allowed to feel guilty. He was manipulated. Sam really thought he was doing the right thing."

Sam sighs and nods. Dean turns back to him, bringing his voice down again. "Look, all I'm saying is, why do we have to put this under a microscope? We made a mess. We clean it up. That's it." Sam nods again and Dean continues. "All right, so, say this is just any other hunt. You know? What do we do first?"

"We'd, uh, figure out where the thing is." Sam mumbles.

I half-shrug, standing up from the bed. "All right. So we just got to find...the devil."

~~~~~~~

Sam sits at the table while Dean sits on the bed, his back to the headboard. I lay next to him, on my stomach, my head by his feet, the two of us watching tv while Sam reads from John's journal.

A lady on the Tv is talking to an environmentalist. "How would you then explain an earthquake, a hurricane, and multiple tornadoes, all at the same time, all around the globe?"

"Two words. Carbon emissions." The man responds.

Dean just scoffs, "Yeah, right, wavy gravy."

 I look back at Dean with a small laugh before there's a knock at the door. Dean nudges my calf and then grabs his gun, standing up from the bed. I sit up, grabbing my own gun as well but stay by the side of the bed.

Sam answers the door, revealing a woman who seems to be having trouble breathing. "You okay, lady?" Sam asks, his voice sounding confused.

The woman pants, her voice breaking, "Sam...is it really you?" Sam turns back to look at Dean and I, I cross my arms over my chest, trying not to laugh. The woman steps forward a little, putting her hand on Sam's chest. "And you're so firm."

"Uh, do I know you?" Sam asks warily, eyebrows crinkled.

The woman puts her hand down and takes a breath. "No. But I know you. You're Sam Winchester. And you're—" She looks passed Sam to Dean, "—not what I pictured." She then looks at me. "You're more...tomboyish than I pictured."

"Yeah, well, not much room for heels and cocktail dresses here." I roll my eyes.

"I'm Becky." She looks back up at Sam, ignoring what I said, before pushing past Sam into the room. "I read all about you guys. And I've even written a few—" Becky glances down, giggling nervously. "Anyway, Mr. Edlund told me where you were."

"Chuck?" Dean asks, standing up from the bed.

Sam closes the door and Becky turns to the three of us, "He's got a message, but he's being watched. Angels. Nice change-up to the mythology, by the way. The demon stuff was getting kind of old."

"Right. Just, um," Sam clears his throat. "...what's the message?"

Becky closes her eyes like she's reciting a prayer. "He had a vision. 'The Michael sword is on earth. The angels lost it.'" 

"The Michael sword?" Dean asks.

Sam glances at Dean before looking down at the woman, "Becky, does he know where it is?"

Becky nods, "In a castle, on a hill made of forty-two dogs."

My eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Forty-two...dogs?"

"Are...you sure you got that right?" Sam questions.

"It doesn't make sense, but that's what he said." She steps closer to Sam. "I memorized every word." Her hand reaches up to rest on Sam's chest again. "For you."

Sam looks at Dean and I again, then back down at Becky. "Um, Becky, c—uh, can you...quit touching me?"

I snicker as Becky's hand rubs his chest, her eyes closed. She shakes her head with more labored breathing. "No."

~~~~~~~

Later, there's another knock on the motel door. I open it this time, revealing my adoptive father. "Hey, Bobby."

Bobby wraps his arms around my shoulders, my arms circling his ribs. He smelled like home, old books, whiskey and black coffee. "Good to see you kids all in one piece." Bobby then goes to hug Sam, who's smiling. 

Then he hugs Dean, patting his back, "You weren't followed, were you?"

Bobby glances between the three of us, "You mean by angels, demons, or Sam's new superfan?"

I chuckle while Sam scoffs out a laugh. "You heard."

"I heard, Romeo. So...sword of Michael, huh?" Bobby sighs.

Dean's eyebrows crinkle, "You think we're talking about the actual sword from the actual archangel?"

"You better friggin' hope so." Bobby says, opening a book to a painting of Michael surrounded by other angels on the table. In the painting, Michael looks like a woman with wings while the other angels look like naked babies with wings, almost like the stereotype depiction of cherubim. Bobby points to the painting, "That's Michael. Toughest son of a bitch they got."

Sam flips the page, showing another painting where Michael looks quite feminine. Dean leans over Sam's shoulder to look at the page, "You kidding me? Tough? That guy looks like Cate Blanchett."

Bobby half-shrugs, "Well, I wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley, believe me. He commands the heavenly host. During the last big dust-up upstairs, he's the one who booted Lucifer's ass to the basement. Did it with that sword." He points to the sword in Michael's hand. "So if we can find it..."

"We can kick the devil's ass all over again. All right. So, where do we start?" I ask.

"Divvy up and start reading—try and make sense of Chuck's nonsense."

Sam stands up from the table, walking over to a pile of books Bobby brought. He stares at is, not actually picking one up. "Sam?" I call.

Bobby looks up from the book, "Kid? You all right?"

Sam turns to face Bobby. "No, actually. Bobby, this is all my fault. I'm sorry."

"Sam..." Dean warns.

"Dean. Shut up." I narrow my eyes at Dean.

Guilt covers Sam's features, "Lilith did not break the final seal. Lilith was the final seal."

"Sam, stop it." Dean raises his voice.

"Dean." I interrupt again, my volume raising to meet his. "Shut. Up!"

Sam's voice is soft and breaking. "I killed her, and I set Lucifer free."

"You what?" Bobby stands up.

"You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood, but I didn't listen. I brought this on." Sam mumbles, sounding like he's about to cry.

Dean doesn't say anything more, but Bobby walks up to Sam. "You're damn right you didn't listen. You were reckless and selfish and arrogant."

"I'm sorry." Sam apologizes, tearing up. I stand up, striding over to Bobby and Sam.

"Oh, yeah? You're sorry you started Armageddon? This kind of thing don't get forgiven, boy. If, by some miracle, we pull this off...I want you to lose my number. You understand me?"

"Bobby!" I yell, offended on Sam's behalf. 

Sam nods numbly. His voice comes out soft, "There's an old church nearby. Maybe I'll go read some of the lore books there."

Bobby glares at Sam. "Yeah. You do that."

I look between the two men I have come to know as a father and a brother. I don't even recognize them anymore, if looks could kill, I'd be standing over their bodies. But I don't follow Sam, figuring he needs the space.

~~~~~~~

3rd Person POV:

Bobby and Dean sit at the table, doing research while (Y/N) sits on the bed. Her back rests against the headboard as she keeps her eyes on the book, not even wanting to give the two men in the room the time of day.

"I never would have guessed that your daddy was right." Bobby says to Dean after a while of silence.

Dean doesn't even look up from his book, "About what?"

(Y/N) doesn't look up either but she tunes into their conversation as Bobby continues. "About your brother." Dean finally looks at Bobby, "What John said—you save Sam or kill him. Maybe..."

"Maybe what?" Dean asks.

"Maybe we shouldn't have tried so hard to save him." Bobby sighs.

"Bobby." Dean huffs, his voice chastising.

"He ended the world, Dean. And you and I weren't strong enough to stop him proper. That's on us. I'm just saying, your dad was right."

"Dad." Dean mumbles in realization. 

Dean walks over to the bed where (Y/N) is sitting. He rummages through his duffel bag at the foot of the bed, his sister finally looking up at him as he mumbles, "It's got to be in here somewhere." Dean pulls out a Ziploc baggy full of cards.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bobby asks from the table, looking just as confused as his adoptive daughter.

"Here." Dean pulls out the card, reading it. Bobby stands up as Dean starts to walk over to him.

Dean smiles, "I don't believe it."

"What the hell is it?" Bobby asks.

"It's a card for my dad's lockup in upstate New York. Read it." Dean replies, handing Bobby the card.

Bobby takes the card and reads it aloud. "'Castle Storage. 42 Rover Hill'."

(Y/N)'s eyes widen as it hits her. "Castle on a hill of forty-two dogs."

Dean takes the card back as Bobby's eyebrows furrow. "So you think your dad had the Michael sword all this time?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what else Chuck could have meant." Dean chuckles softly.

Bobby sighs, "Yeah. Okay. It's good enough for me."

Suddenly, Bobby punches Dean, sending him through the divider between the motel room's kitchenette and the beds. (Y/N) gasps, getting up from the bed as Dean hits the floor. Bobby walks over, hauling Dean up. (Y/N) stomps over and tries to pull Bobby off of her brother, only for him to backhand her to the floor. Bobby then drop kicks Dean through the bathroom door and his eyes turn black. 

Bobby grabs (Y/N) by the throat, hauling her to her feet while two more demons enter the room, one male, one female. The male demon goes over to Dean, also pulling him to his feet. (Y/N) struggles against demon-Bobby, gritting her teeth.

"I always knew you were a big, dumb, slow, dim pain in the ass, Dean." The female demon says.  "But I never dreamed you were so V.I.P." She sees Ruby's knife on the table, picking it up. "I mean, you're gonna ice the devil? You? If I'd have known that, I'd have ripped your pretty, pretty face off ages ago." The female demon's attention then lands on (Y/N). "And you, we've always wanted you. I mean, an angel's bond just ripe for the taking."

"Ruby." Dean tries to identify weakly.

The female demon grins, "Try again. Go back further."

"Meg." (Y/N) identifies correctly.

Meg chuckles. "Hi. These are the days of miracle and wonder, you two. Our father's among us. You know we're all dreaming again for the first time since we were human? It's Heaven on Earth. Or Hell. We really owe your brother a fruit basket."

"My god, you like the sound of your own voice." Dean strains.

"But you, on the other hand, you're the only bump in the road. So every demon—every single one—is just dying for a piece of you. Both of you." Meg smirks.

Dean just chuckles. "Get in line."

Meg stands in front of Dean. "Oh, I'm in the front of the line, baby." her voice lowers to a whisper. "Let's ride." Then she plants her lips on Dean's. He grunts as her tongue swirls in his mouth before she pulls away.

Dean coughs, "What is that, peanut butter?"

Meg only strides over to (Y/N), licking her lips as her eyes wander the female hunter's form. (Y/N) glares at her, Meg cupping the back of her neck and kissing her as well, the demon's tongue claiming her mouth. (Y/N) cringes and understands why Dean asked about the peanut butter. 

Meg breaks away, taking a moment to wipe the saliva from (Y/N)'s lips, "You know, your surrogate daddy's still awake screaming in there. And I want him to know how it feels slicing the life out of you."

Meg hands demon-Bobby the knife, who brings it to (Y/N)'s throat. Demon-Bobby backs her up, pinning her to the wall. "Bobby!" She yells as she struggles. Dean also struggles against the male demon, eyes wide.

"Now!" Meg shouts at demon-Bobby as he looks back at her.

Demon-Bobby raises the knife again, ready to plunge the blade into his daughter as she yells, "Dad! No!"

The black fades from Bobby's eyes as the man comes to, seeing his hand on (Y/N)'s throat and a knife in his other hand. Bobby regains control, bringing the knife down. (Y/N) throws a hand up to protect herself, eyes squeezing shut and Dean yelling her name. But the pain never comes, she opens her eyes again to see Bobby has embedded the demon knife in his stomach.

Bobby flashes gold as the demon inside him dies. "No." (Y/N) whispers with tear filled eyes.

Dean takes the opportunity, breaking out of the male demons hold and fighting him and Meg. The male demon slams Dean into a wall before tossing him to the floor. The door opens again, Sam on the other side, seeing Bobby on the floor bleeding, (Y/N) pressing her hands to the wound, and Dean getting beaten.

"No!" Sam yells. Meg swings the motel room's landline phone into Sam's face, his back hitting the wall as she approaches him.

"Heya, Sammy. You miss me? 'Cause I sure missed you." She says.

"Meg?" Sam takes a heavy breath.

Meg smiles widely with a chuckle. Sam swings at her and misses, taking a punch to the gut, then a knee to his crotch before hitting the ground. Dean takes a kick to the stomach as Meg taunts the younger Winchester. "It's not so easy without those super-special demon powers, huh, Sammy?"

The male demon kicks Dean again as Meg punches Sam. Suddenly, the male demon has his legs kicked out from underneath him, (Y/N) bringing the demon knife down into his chest before ripping it back out. The male demon flickers as Meg stands up and backs away. (Y/N) grips the knife tightly, her knuckles white as she advances on Meg, a murderous glare colliding with tear stains on her face. Meg screams as the demon smokes out of the vessel. The woman's body collapses and (Y/N) lets the knife drop, going back over to Bobby. 

~~~~~~~

Dean and Sam burst into the emergency room of the hospital, rushing in carrying Bobby with (Y/N) trailing behind them covered in Bobby's blood.

"Need some help here!" Dean yells as nurses rush over.

"What happened?" One nurse asked.

"He was stabbed!" Dean continues to yell, his voice strained from Bobby's weight.

"Can we get a gurney?" The nurse shouts as two other nurses rush over with a gurney.

Another nurse comes up to (Y/N), concerned about the blood. "I-It's not mine, p-please just save my dad." (Y/N) murmurs as Bobby is rushed off on the gurney. 

The nurse stops Sam and Dean from following. "Just wait here."

"We can't just leave him." Sam pleads.

"Just don't move. I've got questions." The nurse says firmly before walking away.

"Sammy, we got to go." Dean pants, looking at their little sister who seems to still be processing what happened.

Sam follows his gaze and shakes his head. "No. No way, Dean."

"The demons heard where the sword is. We got to get to it before they do, if we're not too late already. Come on!" Dean rushes over to (Y/N), cupping her face in his hands to bring her out of the little trance she seems to be in. "Come on, sweetheart, we gotta go get that sword."

(Y/N) looks up at him, eyes searching Dean's as she nods, ready to kill every demon in existence for what happened. Dean presses a kiss to the top of her head before him and Sam usher her out the door.

~~~~~~~

The three hunters enter John's storage, guns ready after the boys let (Y/N) change out of her bloody clothes. Two dead demons lay on the ground, making the siblings confused. They look around at all the random hunting stuff before a voice is heard.

"I see you told the demons where the sword is." Zachariah says, flanked by two other angels on either side of him.

"Oh, thank god. The angels are here." Dean replies sarcastically, smiling.

"And to think...they could have grabbed it any time they wanted." Zachariah waves a hand, shutting the door to the storage unit. "It was right in front of them."

"What do you mean?" Sam asks.

"We may have planted that particular piece of prophecy inside Chuck's skull, but it happened to be true. We did lose the Michael sword. We truly couldn't find it. Until now. You've just hand-delivered it to us." The angel explains.

Dean shrugs, eyebrows crinkled in confusion. "We don't have anything."

Zachariah sighs, taking a few steps forward. "It's you, chucklehead. You're the Michael sword." Dean stares at him for a moment before the angel continues, "What, you thought you could actually kill Lucifer? You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No. You're just a human, Dean. And not much of one."

"What do you mean, I'm the sword?" Dean almost growls.

The angel starts to pace as he explains, "You're Michael's weapon. Or, rather, his...receptacle."

Dean squints at him in disbelief. "I'm a vessel?"

"You're the vessel. Michael's vessel."

"How? Why—why me?" Dean stammers.

"Because you're chosen! It's a great honor, Dean." Zachariah takes a step forward. 

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That's real fun." Dean grumbles sarcastically. "I think I'll pass, thanks."

Zachariah shakes his head, disappointed. "Joking. Always joking. Well...no more jokes." He makes a finger-gun, pointing it at Dean, then shifting it to (Y/N). "Bang."

(Y/N) lets out a sharp cry of pain as a sickening crunch fills the air, her legs snapping like twigs and she crumples to the floor. Sam rushes over to her with a shout of her name, Dean glaring at the angel in front of him. "You son of a bitch!"

"Keep mouthing off, I'll break more than her legs." Zachariah threatens. "I am completely and utterly through screwing around. The war has begun. We don't have our general. That's bad. Now, Michael is going to take his vessel and lead the final charge against the adversary. You understand me?"

(Y/N) pants through the pain as Dean takes a step towards the angel. "How many humans die in the crossfire, huh? A million? Five, ten?"

Zachariah shrugs. "Probably more. If Lucifer goes unchecked, you know how many die? All of them. He'll roast the planet alive."

A smirk grows on Dean's face. "There's a reason you're telling me this instead of just nabbing me. You need my consent. Michael needs my say-so to ride around in my skin."

"Unfortunately, yes."

Dean shakes his head. "Well, there's got to be another way."

"There is no other way. There must be a battle. Michael must defeat the serpent. It is written." The angel says.

Dean just nods with a smile. "Yeah, maybe. But, on the other hand... Eat me. The answer's no."

"Okay. How about this? Your friend Bobby—we know he's gravely injured. Say yes, and we'll heal him. Say no, he'll never walk again." Zachariah tries to bargain.

(Y/N) looks up at Dean as he hesitates, ultimately saying, "No."

"Then how about we heal you from..." He takes a second to think. "Stage-four stomach cancer?"

Dean doubles over, coughing up blood into his palm. "No."

Zachariah looks down at Dean. "Then let's get really creative. Uh, let's see how...Sam does without his lungs." Dean turns to his brother, who suddenly is unable to breath. Sam gasps for air as the angel continues. "Are we having fun yet? You're going to say yes, Dean."

(Y/N) gets up on her elbows, sitting up enough to try and help Sam, even though she knows she can't. "Just kill us." Dean grunts.

"Kill you? Oh, no. I'm just getting started." Zachariah taunts before a bright light flashes behind him. He turns to see one of the other angels collapsing, a stab wound to the throat. Castiel then moves onto the other angel, killing him easily as well. He lets the second body fall to the ground before walking up to Zachariah.

(Y/N), looking up from where Sam is laying, breathes a sigh of relief. She whispers, "Cas..." with a soft smile.

"How are you..." Zachariah trails off.

"Alive?" Cas finishes. "That's a good question. How did these three end up on that airplane? Another good question. 'Cause the angels didn't do it. I think we both know the answer, don't we?"

Zachariah looks down in disbelief. "No. That's not possible."

"It scares you. Well, it should. Now, put these boys back together and go. I won't ask twice." Castiel threatens. Zachariah narrows his eyes before he vanishes with a whoosh of wings. Sam sits up, looking around surprised. He stands up and helps (Y/N) up as well, Dean also getting to his feet. "You three need to be more careful."

(Y/N) walks around her brothers, throwing her arms around Castiel's neck, her nose buried in his shoulder. She feels him tense for a moment, hesitant to do anything. After a few moments his arms encircle her, his large hands on her back. "I'm so happy you're okay." She mumbles into his trenchcoat. 

"I'm glad you're alright as well." He replies softly, reluctantly letting her go, but keeping a hand on her upper back just below her shoulder blades. 

"Your frat brothers are bigger dicks than I thought." Dean grumbles. 

"Lucifer is circling his vessel. And once he takes it, those hex bags won't be enough to protect you." Castiel steps forward, putting a hand on Sam and Dean's chests, both of them doubling over slightly with groans. (Y/N)'s eyebrows furrow, confused as she steps forward, wondering what Cas is doing to them.

"What the hell was that?' Dean's voice strains.

"An Enochian sigil. It'll hide you from every angel in creation, including Lucifer." Castiel explains, turning around to (Y/N), gently taking her right hand in his left one.

"What, did you just brand us with it?" Dean asks.

Cas looks at the older Winchester for a moment. "No. I carved it into your ribs." He then looks down at his bond, his eyes softening. "Your turn, Ol Allar." He says, calling her something in Enochian. She gives him a nod before he brings his right hand to her chest. (Y/N) grunts, gritting her teeth and then the pain dulls to an ache. 

There's a pause before Sam clears his throat awkwardly. "Hey, Cas, were you really dead?"

Cas hesitates for a moment, looking down at his hand that holds (Y/N)'s. "Yes."

"Then how are you back?" Dean asks.

Cas doesn't respond, just looking at (Y/N) before pressing his lips to her forehead and vanishing, leaving the three hunters with the dead.

~~~~~~~

"'Unlikely to walk again'?! Why, you snot-nosed son of a bitch! Wait till I get out of this bed!" Bobby yells from his hospital bed. (Y/N) sits next to him in a chair, Sam and Dean standing at the window. The doctor flees out of the room as Bobby continues to yell. "I'll use my game leg and kick your friggin' ass! Yeah, you better run!"

"Dad..." (Y/N) trails off, gently grabbing Bobby's hand.

Bobby's eyes settle on her, then flicking to the boys, then back again. "You believe that yahoo?"

(Y/N) smiles apologetically as Dean says, "Screw him. You'll be fine."

"So, let me ask the million-dollar question." Sam chuckles lightly. "What do we do now?"

"Well..." Bobby starts. "We save as many as we can for as long as we can, I guess. It's bad. Whoever wins, Heaven or Hell, we're boned."

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. "What if we win?" Bobby, Sam, and (Y/N) all look at Dean incredulously. "I'm serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war, they can find their own planet. This one's ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on. We kill the devil. Hell, we even kill Michael if we have to. But we do it our own damn selves."

"And how are we supposed to do all this, genius?" (Y/N) asks sarcastically.

"I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, and I'll figure it out." Dean smirks.

Bobby looks between his surrogate children with a small smile. "You are nine kinds of crazy, boy."

Dean shrugs. "It's been said." He leans forward, patting Bobby on the shoulder. "Listen, you stay on the mend. (Y/N)'s gonna stay with you. We'll see you in a bit." Dean smiles softly, heading for the door, Sam following.

"Sam?" Bobby calls. The younger Winchester stops. "I was awake. I know what I said back there. I just want you to know that...that was the demon talking. I ain't cutting you out, boy. Not ever."

(Y/N) smiles and gently squeezes her father's hand. There's a pause before Sam sighs, "Thanks, Bobby."

"You're welcome." Bobby chuckles. "I deserve a damn medal for this, but...you're welcome." (Y/N) laughs softly as Sam and Dean leave the room.

~~~~~~~

An ambulance drives past as Sam and Dean walk out in the parking lot. The ground is wet, the moonlight shining in the puddles.

"You know, I was thinking, Dean—maybe we could go after the Colt." Sam says as he steps off the curb.

"Why? What difference would that make?" Dean asks, glancing at Sam out of the corner of his eye.

"Well, we could use it on Lucifer. I mean, you just said back there—"

"I just said a bunch of crap for Bobby's benefit." Dean interrupts, stopping in the middle of the road, Sam stopping with him. "I mean, I'll fight. I'll fight till the last man, but let's at least be honest. I mean, we don't stand a snowball's chance, and you know that. I mean, hell, you of all people know that." He finishes before moving around Sam.

"Dean..." Sam starts, said hunter stopping again and turning back to his brother. Sam sighs. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

There's a long pause before Dean answers. "I tried, Sammy. I mean, I really tried. But I just can't keep pretending that everything's all right. Because it's not. And it's never going to be. You chose a demon over your own brother and look what happened."

Sam rolls his eyes, "I would give anything—anything—to take it all back."

"I know you would. And I know how sorry you are. I do. But, man...you were the one that I depended on the most besides (Y/N). And you let me down in ways that I can't even..." Dean pauses, struggling to find the right words. "I'm just—I'm having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here. You know?" 

Sam nods, his voice coming out soft. "What can I do?"

Dean chuckles sarcastically. "Honestly? Nothing." Sam just nods again, not surprised. "I just don't...I don't think that we can ever be what we were. You know?" Sam gives another nod, still not surprised. "I just don't think I can trust you."

Now Sam looks up, that surprised him. Dean just shakes his head and walks to the Impala, pausing at the trunk to look back at his brother before getting into the driver's seat.

(A/N): for the Enochian I just Googled 'Enochian Translator' so don't come at me lol

Soulbound Taglist:

@fairy-alix @ltotheucy @delusional-paradise @moon-trash1507 @cnme2003 @harryssatellitee @bakusquadobsessed @chxrrywine @danniwerner

[omgwhatchloe]

lets talk about sean macguire, or more specifically, his none-existent recovery and how it affected him before his death.

so as we all know, sean is captured by bounty hunters after the blackwater ship robbery goes horribly wrong. it’s confirmed in a side mission that he was tortured for information, most likely because ike skelding and his crew wanted to be the ones to bring dutch in as well, but he specifically mentions how they burnt his feet and pulled his teeth.

lets start with the affect of them pulling his teeth: it doesn’t take a genius to know ike skeldings bounty hunters are not fully trained dentists with numbing cream and injects, nor did they actually care about any of the long-lasting damage they were doing to sean, since they assumed he’d be getting hung and wanted to have their fun with him. that was the whole point, to torture him because any teeth related pain, i think we can all agree, is the worst of the worst. afterwards, he is seen struggling to eat, i think at least multiple people online have said they have noticed how he will only have one or two bites, or even none at all, and pour away the mostly full stew. i haven’t bothered to focus on anyone else’s eating habits, if im being honest, but i think i really picked up on seans because of the fact hes trying to eat with missing and likely damaged teeth. as we know, no one in camp really bothers to ask him if he’s okay or pick up on this, but this is not surprising as after all they are just codes and scripts and no voice actor has the time to record their characters entire life.

next, the feet burning: the fact they burnt his feet implies to me and gives me the idea that he was hanging from his arms at some point in his time of being captured and they had pretty clear access to his feet (ew). in camp, i did actually notice him walking funny like he was drunk, then having completely sober dialogue while limping along. though of course this game is not without its faults and glitches, and dialogue getting messed up is, in my opinion, one of the most experienced ones throughout the entire game, so perhaps this was him being drunk and accidentally having sober dialogue. but im going to pretend its because they burnt his feet.

his none-existent recovery: i actually spoke about this on a different platform, and compared the recovery that arthur had to the one sean had, which they both deserved, and lets just say some people disagreed. according to them, a party is good enough! despite the fact, sean needs to heal, or at least get the chance to see a doctor, and a party is literally the opposite of healing time. he has just been kidnapped, certain he wasn’t going to make it, getting tortured, and mentally that’s going to fuck with you. but again, no one in camp really cares or notices and he doesn’t get to really actually recover from that. obviously sean was not upset about getting a party in the slightest, dont get me wrong, but for other users to claim that’s all he needs while we’re discussing it just seems a little weird to me. and something that has always upset me is the way he is immediately put back to work, that is what i mean when i say he does not get to recover properly, he is straight back on guard duty. and we all know guard duty involves being on your feet for hours, which is especially bad for poor sean who has just had his feet burnt. seriously, give my man a break (NEWSFLASH: A PARTY IS NOT A BREAK IN THIS SITUATION)

anyways, expect another post about his napping and sleeping habits because i honestly can’t wait to write about that (watch out hosea you’re gunna get slandered)

[mad-not-disappointed]

Actually hang on, that AU would have so much potential.

Adora seeing Imp as her chaotic little sibling who helps out with pranks etc but might also snitch on her and Catra. Also, more internal conflict because he and Hordak are, at least on some level, family to her.

The other cadets not interacting with C and A because A is Hordak's protegee and C is SW's. Both of them are scary, so C and A really only have each other, which makes their separation in s1 only hurt more and make Catra all the more obsessed with getting Adora back bc she literally doesn't have anyone else (until Scorpia) (she could bond with Imp?)

Catra struggling to bond with Scorpia and accepting her friendship because she never had any friends outside Adora so, oops, social skills whomst? But eventually learning how to be a decent friend and growing as a person, as well as letting the sting of Adora's departure fade a little. She gets to grow as a person AWAY from Adora so that once she does join the Alliance, she is a bit more functional.

Catra worrying about Scorpia during s5.

Catra, spying at Angela interacting with Glimmer: oh ew what is this? Affection? What a cheap attempt at manipulation. -> Wait a minute, this looks... nice, actually. -> If she's the evil one, why is she such a good mom? -> Why isn't SW being this good to me? -> FUCK OFF SHADOW WEAVER YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOM I'M OUTTA HERE.

Adora getting dragged back to the Horde in s3 and Hordak potentially acting like a disappointed father whose teenage daughter came home late from a party.

"Did you get everything out of your system? Y'know, Horde Prime would've killed me if I did what you did. You should be grateful."

[some character development later] "Hey, wait a minute... You shouldn't kill/brainwash people for doing that. HORDE PRIME IS AN ASSHOLE."

The comedy of Adora looking at Entrapta and Hordak interacting like "??????????????? HORDAK??? HAVING POSITIVE EMOTIONS??? DO I HAVE TO CALL ENTRAPTA MOM FROM NOW ON?????????"

Entrapta: I fucked your dad shitlips

Catra feeling genuinely horrible for Angela getting trapped between dimensions bc of the portal not only because she learned that Angela was good all along, but because she glimpsed what it's like to have a good mother figure and she took that away from Glimmer.

Maybe even Catra knocking some sense into Bow because he's mad that Glimmer did the stuff she did in s4. "Dude, cut her some slack. I know what it's like to be in position of authority (force captain) and it's stressful as hell. We were winning back then so you guys were losing badly and she was/is grieving. You do stupid shit when you're stressed and desperate (I would know, I made the portal happen.) So just... I'm still not 100% sure how to be a good friend so take what I say with a grain of salt but... Y'know, go easy on her."

^ character growth, shows willingness to forgive and thus bridge the gap between her and Adora. Results of being friends with Scorpia, feeling like shit when Scorpia left her, and the self reflection done throughout s4 following the "oh God I fucked up" at the end of s3.

No Melog. I'm sorry I just don't see the point. Instead, I'd really want to see Swiftwind be featured more heavily. Possibly Catra initially thinking he's weird bc she's never seen a horse before and later going "hey, you're close with Adora. Can we, uh, compare notes? I spent the last 3 seasons being her enemy and I'd like to go back to being her friend now. Help?"

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. this AU would have worked so much better than the trainwreck that we got. (also the idea of entrapta technically becoming adora's mom crossed my mind too, it would have been HILARIOUS)

[captainfairygodmother]

Being high masking can be so so shit sometimes

(Apologies in advance for this post being worded so bad, this is difficult for me to even write in the first place. Also sorry but this will be a bit repetitive and rant-y)

Basically, my parents have accepted the fact that I'm autistic (I'm sort of in the process of being assessed right now, it's complicated), and up until now, it's surprised me how chill they've been about it (considering they told me I couldn't possibly know I'm queer when I was 12, surprise surprise years later I still know I am)

But today I realised just why they're so 'chill' (for lack of a better word) about it, and the reason for that is because I'm so high masking

Because for years I've been hiding shit about myself, so they don't actually realise how much it affects me. They've been so accepting because to them, it means that I'm just a little bit strange. That I'm intelligent and have high expectations for myself, and that I'm very particular with my foods

So now me letting my mask down a bit because they've accepted it means that apparently I'm being different and stupid about things, so when being autistic literally DISABLES me from doing things (going on a day out with the family without having headphones in, hanging out with friends, going having a shower every day, being in a car with several different sounds, washing the dishes after a Sunday dinner etc etc), they view me as being 'childish' for it

Like, for example, today we had Sunday dinner, and there were SO many dishes in the sink already. It's one thing I absolutely hate, because we have a tiny kitchen, so it means my mum just throws dishes into the sink so she has room to make the rest of the food. So that meant that the water was greasy and filled with little bits of broccoli and carrots and bits of batter from the Yorkshire puddings.

And then I had to touch all of that yuckiness to get the stack of dishes out the sink, so obviously I was freaking out. There were plates on the countertop with loads of gravy and unfinished food that I also had to touch, and a dish of ham juice and ham fat that had been cut off the ham joint and it was just ew, and by this point I was already annoyed and disgusted because of the fact I had to do dishes and that I KNEW this was going to happen which is why I tried to refuse but then I got called childish and was told that I should be able to do it in ten minutes (spoiler alert: it took me half an hour)

Again, because I'm high masking, a lot of what I presume would be counted as meltdowns are internal for me if that's a thing? Because throughout my life I've realised that unfortunately screaming at everyone around me and crying and stimming because I'm overstimulated and overwhelmed is not a viable option, so that leaves me either silently crying and whisper-screaming in the corner of my room, or in situations like this I'm stimming more than I normally would and trying not to cry

Anyway my point is that because I'm so high masking, my parents think I'm just being lazy and disrespectful, but I'm really not. I want to help out around the house obviously, but like, I can't touch the greasy water and the bits of food and just any of that, it makes me want to run out of the house and throw myself into the road, or alternatively just be sick. The feeling of the water stays on my hands for ages, so it's not just a ten minute thing either. Like, you wouldn't go to a farmers field and grab some cow shit and smear it over your arms because it would make you feel disgusted and like you want to be sick. I feel that but for 'smaller' things like this

But again, because I've masked a little too close to the sun throughout my life, they don't realise just how much I struggle with sensory stuff. And communication. And everything else. They don't realise that autism is not just a description for why I struggle with small-talk, or why I refuse to eat lamb, because most of this stuff I've suppressed around them because it was integral to my survival before any of us realised

And the worst part is that I can't even explain this to them because they'll just try and pull it off as me being overdramatic and because I 'don't suffer from it as openly as a low masking five year old boy'

Apologies, rant over

[itsmistyeyedbi]

3, 4, 19, 23, 29, 30 for zuri and/or whoeveer strikes your fancy!

Hello hello! Thank you so much for sending in some asks! I'm going to answer for my beloved Zuri (any other ocs I have aren't fleshed out enough for me to do this kind of thing with them yet).

3. Are there any romantic gestures that your OC loves?

Zuri loves anything that implies that someone has been paying close attention to her or has been thinking about her. This can be little things like:

A good morning/night message is a good one. Her being the first thing someone thinks about when they wake up and before they go to sleep will always make her smile. Messages throughout the day are really good too, even if she's being sent a meme with "this is you" attached to it lol. And uh, sharing any heated thoughts they've had about her would work really, really well.

I'm not entirely sure if this could count as a gesture, but physical affection is another one. This is one of the things that Zuri can dole out pretty easily but cannot take, not without her heart beating faster and her having a big, doe eyed look on her face lol. Especially if it's the mushy, lovey dovey kind like really long hugs or cupping her face with both hands and looking into her eyes (this one's kinda funny because she does that to all her partners but will still be a little surprised when they do the same).

Carving out some time to do those kind of things, especially if they aren't going to be able to see each other much, would mean so much to her. It also falls into quality time, which is her love language (I have complicated feelings about the concept of it but hey).

4. Are there any romantic gestures that your OC hates?

This is a little tricky because most of the time, Zuri will at least appreciate the attempt. Even if it’s bland or doesn't really do anything for her (she gets better standards as she learns to love herself more, I promise😭).

One thing that she for sure hates are flashy, showboat-y, public gestures that are clearly more about the person doing it and how others perceive them than the person it's supposedly for. She hates being on the receiving end of them. She hates when someone asks her for help to do it. She hates seeing it at all.

Bobby did this a couple times for his partners and it definitely caused some tension in the early stages of their friendship. She doesn't mind some extravagance, but if the person it's for is at best, not being considered and at worst, having their preferences and comfort ignored? Ew.

19. How highly does your OC value love (platonic, romantic, or otherwise)?

Very, very highly. It isn't something she thinks she can have, which is honestly mostly because she won't let herself have it. But if someone actively chooses to stick by her despite her... everything? Her flaws, her baggage, whatever it is inside her that can drive people away? She will cling onto it with all her strength.

Tina is everything to her. She loves her so much and wants to be in her life for however long she'll have her. After their fallout in uni and their reconciliation in Wayhaven, Zuri’s attachment to her has been...not so healthy. She doesn't feel deserving of her forgiveness or her love, but she doesn't want to lose her again. So she's trying to accept it, for Tina's sake if nothing else. I say that because there do end up having a difficult conversation about that. It's a lot of pressure to be someone's only everything, and it hurts that someone Tina loves is struggling to accept that (and early on in their reconciliation, practically rejecting it).

Bobby was her everything at some point, too. She doesn't really know what to do with that fact. She never has.

Unit Bravo has definitely snuck their way into her heart - I'd say that they've all become her everything as well by book 4. She loves them, but she's trying not to acknowledge it. She isn't as certain about how they feel about her as she is with Tina (and even that is a little shaky, as you can tell). She feels similarly about Verda and his family. It's not to the same extent, but she does have those same feelings of uncertainty (even with the kids calling her Aunty Zee).

A part of her is waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the sheen to fade, for the novelty to wear off. For them to realise that there's better or more important things to do than be with her (guess where she got that idea from👀), that she isn't as good as they think she is and can't do much for them.

Zuri thinks that they have to see her at her worst, the way Tina did, for them to understand/know her, and by extension, love her. But she isn't the person she was back then. She's grown. It hasn't clicked that people can love her for who she is now, without her having to do things to earn it, and that them not experiencing who she was then doesn't make their love for her any less real.

She'll get there though.

23. What is your OC's favourite nice thing to do for themselves?

This is a little interesting for me to think about because Zuri hates doesn't like being alone, but the little amount of alone time she does have is when she does nice things for herself. Is it partially to distract her and keep her busy until she can be around people? Yes. But she does genuinely enjoy the things she does in those times, especially when she just...let's herself be.

Her favourite nice thing to do for herself is play music in her apartment and dance and sing along to it all day. All her favourite songs, from popular artists to musicals. She will cook her favourite food for breakfast and order jewellery from a local store to be delivered to her apartment on the same day. She'll do some stretches, take an absurdly long shower just to wear her pyjamas again. If she's in the mood, she might blow some trees as well it's weed I am referring to weed lol. Just do all the things she would like to do a little more regularly but can't, especially with how busy thing get with work.

29. What is your OC's favourite love song?

I'm not gonna lie, I haven't really thought about stuff like this. I have songs that I associate with her but choosing songs she actually likes? I'm drawing a blank💀

All I know is that she'd struggle to choose between an Rnb love song and a love song from a musical lol

30. What is your OC's favourite romantic movie?

I'm so sorry, but it's basically the same as the above. But worse because I haven't watched many movies😭

[helieosphere]

Dawntrail & saying goodbye (spoilers for end of Dawntrail)

CW: death, hospitalization

Let me get this out of the way, I liked this expansion and reading the criticism online makes me feel insane. If I were to rate it against each other it would go something like this:

ARR > STB > HW/DT >> SHB > EW

You’re probably surprised HW isn’t completely smashing DT and I have pretty simple reasons for that.

1) The filler or “filler” between quests feels better and more engaging

2) the encounter design

3) the world aesthetics

HW is awesome and I think of it as a turning point for my enjoyment. But you can’t tell me Moghome, and THE ENTIRE PRINCESS ARC sucked. I hated those areas. I think my opinion will change as a slowly replay it soon but it did not sit well with me post remembrance.

Yes, the pacing this expansion was strange, glaring plot holes exist and some characters feel unnecessary but it had so many sparks of brilliance I cannot ignore. So let’s get into that starting with a very personal story of mine.

Death has always followed me throughout my life. I remember my first experience with death of a family member. It was fast, and I hadn’t realized it happened someone whom I was related to. When I saw my grandmother in Taiwan on her death bed in my mom’s childhood home at six, I didn’t quite process I’d never see her again unlike my grandfather who was in a similar situation. Death struck my life again at 12 when my aunt called my mother and I into her hospital room when she realized she was about to die from cancer. I had nowhere to turn in that moment, I had to accept that someone who had taken care of me so well was going away forever. It sure didn’t make it any better when my mom told me directly after the visit that we were the only people outside of her immediate family she wanted to see, she loved me as her own child. I knew what not to say in that moment, I felt stunted and didn’t say much. But looking back, I wish I was able to properly say goodbye. My grandfather died shortly after as well, but I had a much more intimate relationship with his death and time to feel heavily impacted by it. We had taken care of him in my childhood home, I heard the ups and downs of his health on him and my family. My grandma beat him endlessly as he sat on our bed lifeless and in pain, I’ve heard him collapse down our stairs several times over. I watched as my loving two grandparents turned into soulless husks of one another that, in the end, stuck together through thick and thin bc they loved each other. Once her was transferred to an elderly home, I knew it was the end for him but as a teenager, I felt dutiful to act strong especially considering the trauma I watched everyone around me go through. He would try and put a smile on his face every tine he saw me, and I would try and do the same, we had a language barrier of course but the love radiated off of him even in his final days. I didn’t get to see him during his last day of life, but when I finally heard he was gone, the impact of death had finally caught up to me and I screamed but didn’t cry. I felt numb to death and accepted it was a way of life. I only truly processed how much loss I’ve experienced when I reached adulthood. It was random, and sudden. I just broke down in tears as I reminisced about them and how much I missed them. The impact of their deaths still ring true to this day as I watch my grandmother still struggle to comprehend her condition years later. That is to say, when we first encounter Namika in Heritage found. I broke down sobbing for the first time this expansion. The fear of death followed me home and my desire to give her the best before her passing suddenly became more salient. Living memory only cemented that for me, knowing that with her Dementia, I have become the one of the only people she listens to anymore and loves unconditionally.

I’m not really sure if I’m ever ready to say goodbye, especially since I feel her time is nearing the end soon. But Living Menory gave me comfort and determination to confront death and feel comfort in their memory being inside me as the greatest treasure they could leave me. I’m here to live life to the fullest for myself is what endwalker taught me, and dawntrail followed up and reminded me of the people long past I also continue to live for. To call this story hollow would be an outright lie. It has so much heart and it touched me personally even if the journey to get there wasn’t perfect. I literally dropped story around 93 bc I was not having a good time but I’m glad I came back with a fresh perspective to experience the rest of what it had to offer.

This is to say, while not perfect in execution, I’m happy I was able to go through the emotions I did while in dawntrail.

[kim-ruzek]

Do you think they will get Hailey and Jay back together now that Tracy is leaving?

What are your wishes or hopes for Adam, Kim, Kevin and Makayla in the upcoming season?

I hope so. I do think they will, especially as the only reason they had upstead go through the uncertainty of the relationship last season was to give Hailey more room in her future storylines but with her leaving, that's no longer a consideration.

I suppose it always goes down to how they decide to have her exit, but I can't see them going for an unhappy exit, especially when JLS would definitely be willing to come back for a cameo.

Now! For what my wishes are:

I need to first mention that my wish for my burzekwater is that they get their detective badges Especially now we'll be losing Hailey.

For Burzek just in general first: I want that hospital scene, I want Kim mother henning Adam because she is not doing well at all being on this side of things. I want an ily - a true parallel to Kim's first shooting, with also a cute scene with Mack to parallel her second shooting. I want them to continue to be the amazing couple they are and give us those small domestic moments so i can squeal over them being together (although I say that like I do smile stupidly to myself whenever they interact in a very neutral way now they're together because they're fucking together!) In my possibly asking for too much dream wishes is for a new burzek engagement (with Kim instigating it in some way at least).

For Adam: I want him to formally adopt Mack too, be the legal dad in every sense of the word.

I want to see him struggle with the shooting, not only because shootings are traumatic but also because it was done by a kid - and I want to see Kim help him through this. I also want him to not shut down when dealing with the trauma. And I'd like the trauma to ebb and flow throughout the season. Possibly have Adam be a bit disillusioned to everything because he tried so hard and he couldn't save the kid.

I could see him very much becoming go to work, get what needs to be done and that's it, just following routine and go home - with home being the one place he's really thriving in, or even him questioning his place in the force. I very much wish that his main arc for this season is very much revolving around the shooting.

For Kim: I very much want to see her helping Adam through things, especially with her learned experiences. But I also don't want them to forget her own trauma, and that how almost losing the love of her life after finally letting him in would really emotionally wreck her. I think a lot of this will be mitigated by her helping him, but I still hope we see the effects.

Saying all that, I also really want one of her main arcs for this season to be professional strides for her - without her getting injured or MORE trauma dumped on her. Especially with this being Hailey's last season. I want her helping Adam to be an important arc for her as well, obviously, but her individual one I really want to see her being that awesome cop.

For Kevin: Similarly, I'd love to see the same thing in Kevin's arcs. I very much want to see more scenes with him and Torres as i dig them working together. I'd also love to see more of his father, because I think the arc of Kev rebuilding a relationship with him is such an important and interesting one.

I feel like a broken record saying this, but ROMANCE! I want to see a proper romance for him. A mature one, not build on lies or is a position of conflict in his life. Just a very nice relationship that builds up Kev, instead of causing more strife in his life.

I'd also like to see him potentially helping Adam with his trauma, especially if Adam is questioning his position in the force, I'd love to see Kev helping with that side of things.

For Mack: Just more cute family scenes. An adoption by Adam. Her being like ew at her parents kissing. Her being sweet to an injured Adam. Ending the season learning she's going to be a big sister because I'm pregnant!Kim trash.

Thank you for asking!!! This was very fun to answer. I'm half certain I've forgotten like half a dozen things because honestly my wish list is SO SO long and I've had many months of thinking and brain storming what I want, so don't be surprised if I add to this.

[sun-undone]

i'm finishing up yet another rewatch because when am i not rewatching this godforsaken show and all throughout season 2, i kept honing in on all the times we see JJ with that fucking flask and how it is NEVER ADDRESSED. the most we get are the two moments in 2x01 and 2x03 when Kie's telling him to chill out before school and then when she takes the flask from his hand when she thinks he's asleep.

the fact that the closest we got to any acknowledgement of that being a deeper problem was always framed around jiara???? and now we know from the EW articles that JJ's mental health is gonna be a bigger deal (thank fucking god pates i love you and i never said anything bad about y'all) in season 3, which is the jiara season??????? it's all connected and i truly cannot believe i am praising writers for basic set up and payoff but !!!!!! i really thought the flask was their half-assed way of giving JJ some kind of individual arc when they totally dropped all his other plot lines (restitution and Luke/abuse trauma) but i could not be more happy to be proven wrong.

(i mean, they might be talking a big game now, it all comes down to the actual execution but i'm still so fucking excited that they've specifically mentioned taking a look at the pogues' mental states and it gives me a lot of hope okay)

everyone's already said this but i really think we're gonna see JJ struggling hardcore with being back home and not knowing what his place is as the dynamic of the pogues has changed so much. Cleo and Pope are paired off, since we now have confirmation that she'll be staying with him and his family. John B is gonna be reunited with his father, and he and Sarah have got each other as well. Kie has her parents to go back to, as strained as that relationship is. JJ is very clearly the odd one out.

poguelandia is the first time that JJ has ever been away from the obx. he has never existed outside the bubble of what it means to be a Maybank in the obx. so he's gotta feel so free, right?? he can provide for his family by fishing and they can get by just well enough to survive and live off the land and they have each other, and that's always been enough for JJ.

and if he and Kie gravitate closer on poguelandia like we all think they will, then all of that happiness and a taste of his surf trip dream will suddenly get ripped away from him when they have to go back home, and he's absolutely gonna spiral. he's gonna pull away and deflect and overcompensate with alcohol and use all the other immature coping mechanisms we've seen him use before, and i am so fucking ready for this angst holy shit cause there's just been so much set up for it. the pates love a fast burn so i think we were all kinda worried about the slow burn with jiara, but my expectations are officially sky high. i'm so glad that they're using the established character flaws and insecurities for JJ as part of the angst, and i'm assuming Kie's issues with her parents will be the external force adding onto that and making it even angstier.

it's not mind-blowing writing whatsoever, but after season 2 kinda let us down in terms of giving us insight into JJ's headspace, i'm just over the moon to see that it might've all been a set up for something bigger. they knew they wanted to save the deep dive into JJ's trauma for the jiara season because it's so integral to understanding how JJ receives and doesn't receive love. you can't put JJ in a romantic plot line without addressing all that trauma and self-hatred, and it's something fic writers have created masterpieces about and i can't stop saying it but i am just so fucking happy that the pates are putting it in canon. they really do care about these characters huh

if season 3 ends up being a disaster and the trauma plot line is disappointing as hell then no one saw this i didn't write it you didn't read it

[shibapatrol]

TFP If You Ship...

Ultra Magnus

I would also like to warn yall, I do roast the shit outta these ships and you. Some of y'all are nasty and need to be told/reminded, and some of you need to stay far the fuck away from me. Aight? Aight lets begin.

MagOp/OpMag/Magnimus/ Ultra Magnus x Optimus Prime: You pretentious bitch. You absolute fucking- I have no fucking words to describe how beige you are. You 're personality is plain oatmeal. Message me. I want to beat your ass. You prolly like them for the fact that they can relate to each other, and because of their importance to the war. But I hate you cause you also have more content. Fuck you. May your cereal turn soggy before you can eat that shit, may your drawing tablet get so hot in that one corner that you can fry bacon on that bitch. Fuck you.

MagMeg/Magatron(ew)/ Ultra Magnus x Megatron: you eat mayonnaise with a fucking spoon. Y'all saw that one scene with them on Darkmount and was just like "hm, but what if fuck?" and ran with it. You went to Ao3 expecting kinky shit, but all you got was stuff for IDW Megs and Mags and honestly baby, its gon' be okay.

Matchet/Ragus?/ Ultra Magnus x Ratchet: Yes we get it, the old man can dom now shut the fuck up. If taking your S/O to the nursing home as a date was a ship it'd be these old crotchety ass bitches. But, but, on a more serious note this ship can be so therapeutic for both mechs. These two were there way before the start of the war, they lived through it, and they knew Optimus all throughout. I imagine Ratchet would tell Magnus about Orion before his ascension to the primacy. I ain't ever been more depressed scrolling through a tag though, y'all broke bitches need whatever the fuck UltraScreen is having.

Magbee/Ultra Bumble/Ultra Magnus x Bee: I ain't ever seen two same heighted Cybertronians in a relationship, always one of'em gotta be spike suckin' height.

UltraJack/ Ultra Magnus x Wheeljack: Listen, listen, both these mechs love their solitary time and it can create so much angst, SO MUCH. Magnus feeling he must uphold his duties and Wheeljack having a mindset similar to a pirate. His spark belongs to the stars AND Magnus, but the stars will always come first. But bitch this is Ultra Magnus. We horny. We know Wheeljack is a fucking brat, and Ultra Magnus is his Dom.... baby we nasty. We nasty and there is no fucking denying that shit my GOD.

Ultrabulk/ Ultra Magnus x Bulkhead: Listen man as crazy as this might sound, I think this could work. Just like any other ship with Bulkhead you are fucking STRUGGLING though dude, you got like 5 fics you keep coming back to. You cry at night, knowing, and praying, that the gods will smile upon you and bless you with an update. You know you struggling when you only got three fics that have this ship as the focus. If y'all ban together I'm sure you can scrounge together like three pieces of fanart and a lint roller between the four of you.

UltraScream/ Ultra Magnus x Starscream: I don't see how anyone could hate this ship. Like, they literally work as really good foils to each other. You've got Magnus who is loyal as fuck, very militaristic??? And very much involved with the safety of his team. He's described as recklessly brave. Starscream on the other hand has a lot of character to work on and Magnus could help him along with that, and he can teach Magnus self preser- fucking-vation because Mr. "gets fucking chomped by a predacon for another bitchass Autobot" needs it. You're fuckass wants someone to save you, or you want to go absolutely apeshit. You are the mom friend everyone is worried about.

Ultracee/ Ultra Magnus x Arcee: Huh?? I mean like....Okaaaayy?? I mean good for you. This ship makes me feel the way that you feel when someone offers you candy you don't like, but you wouldn't mind eating it so you do. To be honest the people who ship this definitely see diamonds in places others wouldn't expect, but like you're so fucking unnessecary oh my god. Like you prolly add weird ass comments to other peoples statements, ain't nobody out here asking for an echo. Sit down.

UltraShock: ya like'em thicc don't you commanding officer Ultra Magnus? Anyway maybe y'all could team up with UltraBulk shippers and add a pile of used soda cans to the pile. Y'all are ghosts, do you even exist on this plane. My guesstimate on how many people actually ship this forreal is like 5.

Ultrawave/MagnusSound/Magnus x Soundwave: Listen if the Ultrabulk shippers are starving y'all ain't even corporeal. I show up to this ship with a fucking ghost talk box and some heat sensors, and like one boombox tryna see if GHOSTS even inhabit this bitch. Y'all aight? Are y'all good?? HELLO IN THERE (hello in there) (hello in there). Yall really go all out for the goth shit. Prolly hidin' in the shadows of my house waiting to strike.

Ultrascreen:

You, and I mean this in the most (derogatory) way possible, are a fucking

HOE

Literally looked on AO3 saw nearly NOTHING BUT kinky MF PORN. The oooonly plot y'all got is exactly how long Ultra Magnus can deny Smokescreen an overload. Why every time it comes to Magnus people make this by the books vanilla bitch the kinkiest one. YES I love subverting expectations but can I PLEASE get one fic where he sputters because his partner says a bad word. These two are the main ones who get this treatment, and baby I ain't complaining, but please. Please just- please sir I-I a-ah!

Ultradown: The UltraBulk, and UltraWave shippers come here every year, at the exact same location, at the exact same time, all for this ritual. The UltraWave shippers take out a boombox, some energon candies, and a supersized Cybertronian false spike. The UltraBulkers begin to sing the incantation to summon their fallen comrade: https://youtu.be/m9We2XsVZfc. They must do this once every year, they must battle the UltraDown shippers, though most would say they are a myth, the UltraShock and UltraWave shippers know better.

MagnusOut/KnockMagnusOut?/Ultra Knockout: Listen its not as horny as Smokescreen but the constant tension is definitely there. Knockout is just as horny as the depressed, RE-pressed ass Magnus fans and can you really blame him? Boyfriend? Dead. Magnus? kinky. Hotel? California.

/If I missed any let my gay ass know. Sorry if this ones lackluster, but some of these ships don't even really seem to have a fanbase?? Remember that these are TFP ships y'all.

Also I better see more Bulkhead content after this. Do you all have a problem with truly thicc bootyful babes or what?

[jameui]

GUILTY MISTAKE

PAIRING: Kang Yeosang x M!Reader

GENRE: Angst, Fluff

WARNINGS: M!reader bullying sweet baby Yeosang, bad friends

SUMMARY: You've made a huge mistake once when you were a child and it's been in your head for the rest of your life, haunting you unless you've done something about it.

Just last month, you had turned six years old and you couldn't be more happier. For some unknown reasons, you liked how you grew older after every year, mostly because you receive gifts from your mom and dad and, of course, your friends who were about a year older than you.

Every year, on your birthday, you'd get expensive items and presents that you have been wanting for so long and foods that you get to eat with your family and friends. Loud music booming through the speakers, giggling while you made jokes with your friends laughing at almost everything due to the excitement and adrenaline that rushed through your bodies.

But, once everything was over and you know that everyone had to leave, you just keep on wishing that it was your birthday everyday. That way, everyone could still have fun and be happy with you, but then again, where's the thrill in that? They'd probably grow tired of it.

Right now, you were playing with your toys that you received creating specific sounds that corresponds to the action you controlled them to do, when you heard the doorbell ring making you gasp with joy at the thought of having a guest paying a visit.

You stood up from your position, your short legs running towards the door as you reached for the knob and turned it to open the door for the person behind it. The door moves wide open and reveals a woman who didn't look quite older than your mother, while you smiled and looked up at her. "Good morning!" You greeted her.

The woman's eyes fell down to you, beaming with glee at your politeness. "A very good morning to you, too, deary." She replied. "Is your mom or dad around? We're actually new to the neighborhood. We just moved from Busan."

You nod your head to answer her as you walked up to your mother who was in the kitchen cooking lunch. "Mom, someone's at the door for you."

"Really? Who is it?" Your mother asked you, wiping her newly washed hands on her apron.

You shrugged your shoulder, holding onto your mom's hand. "Neighbor said she was new." You and your mom was now in front of the door and the two women greeted each other as the other woman handed out a basket to your mom while you waited patiently for your mom to give it to you.

As soon as she did, you waggled your small feet towards the table before you caught a glimpse of a kid, not much taller than you, peeking from behind his mother's pants. He looked scared and shy, but it seemed to you that he wanted to approach you, but he was just too timid to do so.

You gave him your million dollar smile that made the small boy giggle at your friendliness, you jumping down from where you sat with a small groan when you hit the floor. You ran back towards the door, now seeing the chubby boy whose tummy was curving like a small hill on his stomach.

He wore a blue tiny jumper that fit perfectly onto his body, with a striped long sleeves under his jumper, white socks and shoes that almost looked worn out. You approached the boy a comfortable distance away and looked behind the woman that looked to be like his mother, a wide smile still present on your face as you waved a hand at him hello.

The boy bashfully hid, only leaving his arm to be left seen while waving back at you hesitantly. You could see how much the boy struggled to make friends with you so you decided to close in on the distance leading your feet towards the boy and poked your head out that made the boy flinch. "Heya there!" You said, now standing in front of him as the little boy hid his eyes away from you. "Don't be scared. People tell me I'm kind." You giggled softly, the other boy glancing up at you before quickly looking away once again. "I'm M/n, by the way. How about you? What's your name?"

He looked up at you shyly and stammered. "I-I'm Yeothang."

"Yeothang? What a unique name." You beamed, but he shook his head to correct you.

"No, no. Yeothang."

"Oh, you got a lisp." You said at the sudden realization and he nodded his head. "So, Yeosang?" He nodded again. "Yeosang. You have a pretty name." You said, finally noticing the birth mark that decorated the side of his left eye. You gasped and pointed at it. "Wowza! You have a cool looking tattoo!"

"It'th... It'th not a tattoo, M/n." Small Yeosang said, hesitating to call you by your name. "Mommy told me it'th a birth mark."

"Ooh, a birth mark. I wish I had one just like yours." You pouted. "I've got nothing."

Yeosang giggles at you making you smile. "That'th okay, M/n." He said and looks at you with his small brown orbs. "You look great even without them." He said, before he sniffed due to his runny nose that caused a snot to fall from his nose.

You were able to see this and pulled the hem of your shirt to wipe it from his nose and smiled brightly at him, which in turn, earned you a face of shock from Yeosang. "There."

"But, I dirtied your shirt." He furrowed his brows.

You waved it off and gave him assurance. "Don't you worry. My clothes get cleaned pretty well, so it's alright." You told him. "Oh, hey, wanna eat the snack your mom gave us? I saw cookies there. I bet you love cookies."

He nods his head once and immediately, you took his wrist into your small hands that barely closed around it as you pulled him inside and to your kitchen table. You let Yeosang take a seat first, since he needed a little help from his small size. You were next to take seat, settling on the seat beside him. You opened the basket that was wrapped with a cling wrap to secure it properly.

You let yourself drool at the sight of all the delicious delicacies that was inside the basket. "That is a lot." You chuckled cutely, unable to decide which baked goods to eat first. Throughout your process of thinking, your mother and Yeosang's mother had finished their conversation and the latter was called over. Yeosang gave his mother a small 'coming', before climbing down the seat as you pouted. "You're leaving already."

"I'm afraid tho, M/n." Yeosang replied sadly as you thought.

You pondered for a moment before you hastily took a bunch of the delicacies from the basket and went down to give it to Yeosang. "Here. I want you to take this with you. Eat them, or else."

Yeosang nodded and gave you a look of delight at your kind and cute gesture. "I will, M/n." He said before he jogged off to his mother showing her what you gave to him.

"Bye, Sangie!"

"Bye, M/n."

The following day, you were with your friends by the children's playground playing a round of tag, you being the tagger. "Tag, you're it!" You yelled on top of your lungs once you were able to catch up with the smallest of your group of friends, who whined in protest and stomped his foot.

"I'm always 'it'! Why can't it be—"

"Can I play, too?" That all too familiar sweet, honey like voice came from behind him, taking all of your attentions as your head all turned to him and revealed the very shy Yeosang. "I know how to play the game. We uthed to play that back at home."

"Yeosang, of cour—" You were about to reply, but your friends' rejection to his action of joining cut you off.

"Ew, no way. We don't want your boogers and sticky green nose liquid on us. Get away!"

"Yeah, go away! We don't want you playing with us."

"Booger boy!"

"Go play in another playground!"

Those were the words that your friends threw at him that got you shocked from hearing what your friends were saying to Yeosang. Your eyes had widened in shock while you could clearly see the hurt in his eyes that was now glossy with his forming tears from the mean comments he received from your friends. You clearly didn't know there was something going on with your friends and Yeosang.

Yeosang's pleading eyes was placed onto you as he waited for your answer, fiddling with his fingers. Your friends were the best people you could ever have and losing them never crossed your thought, so to avoid this situation from happening, you did what you thought was going to keep them as your friends. "Sure. You can play with us." You said, which made Yeosang hopefully smile, but he immediately took it back from what he heard next from you. "If you weren't so disgusting."

At that, you smirked and all your friends bursted out laughing giving you a clap at the back, the dejected Yeosang hanging his head low, feeling embarrassed. Although he was shamed upon, he still knew you had that kindness inside you and guessed you might have done that for a reason, so he gleamed and looked back at you. "Alright. Maybe next time? When I'm not snot booger rocket anymore." He snorted while laughing that made you all look at him like he's a weirdo.

"Go away! We never want to play with you, again."

And what you thought was just a one time thing, became a permanent bullying towards the poor little boy who only wanted to make friends and play with you. Before they left Busan, he had promised his mom that he wouldn't be the shy boy his parents knew him as, and become friends with the children at their new home, but it looked it was 'friends' that didn't want him.

Their first day, the day he met you, he was so excited and happy that he was able to make a friend, even if it were you who was the first one to approach him. He admired how you were so brave to befriend him and your politeness was one of the things he praised you for. He also thought you were a really kind and friendly kid, but looking at it now, it looked like he was wrong as he was once again rejected to play with you, seating on one of the swings that were a far distance away from where you and your friends played tag.

He sighed, but he didn't want to give up that easily so he ran to you while giggling repeating the words, 'I wanna play' over and over again which got to your friends' nerves, to the point where one of them pushed Yeosang to the ground which got your mouth gaping at the shock, while Yeosang stared up the person who pushed him, eyes starting to swell with tears. As though the fact that he was pushed to the ground wasn't enough, the same person kicked him by the leg which got Yeosang shouting in pain, before standing back up crying and ran home.

You made your way to your friends and glared at them. "Hey, that was too much."

"Why do you care so much?" He sassed at you. "He deserved it."

Your glare didn't falter, but softened when your eyes caught sight of a crying Yeosang. While your friends started to pile up in the middle of the place, you were still caught up in your thoughts, wishing you had just been nice to Yeosang and left your friends for treating Yeosang like that.

Yeosang didn't deserve it. He was a sweet, innocent and kind-hearted boy. He was too pure for this world. He didn't even give up once on trying to be friends with you, but all you ever did was tease him and mock him, call him names like 'booger boy' as you all called him as, 'weirdo', and all sorts of things. Finally realizing your fault, you sighed and regretted the treatment you gave Yeosang. "Sangie..."

A month or so after, you heard about the Kang family moving to another neighborhood which made you feel so bad and hate yourself totally. You didn't even get to say your sorry to Yeosang properly. The little boy never again showed up at the playground and only did when he was asked to throw the trash, all bundled up under so much clothings, since it was winter. That was the only moment you could ever see him.

You rushed out of your house and saw that they were now entering their car, you zoomed across the street and called Yeosang. "Yeosag, Yeosang! Wait!"

This got his attention, snapping his head towards you with a big smile. "M/n! You came to thee me off?" He giggled, making you feel guilty.

You shook your head and knitted your brows. "Why are you leaving? Where are you going?" You asked all in one go.

"We're moving back to Buthan, thince mom wath able to find a plathe there where it'th rent free and could all fit uth in." Then, he leaned in close to your ear to whisper. "Don't worry. I never told mom that your friendth hated me." He giggled secretly.

"Sangie... I also did bad things to you.." You told him sadly.

"I know." Yeosang smiled. "But, I know you didn't do it on purpothe."

"Yeosang, the car's about to leave."

"Oh, I gotta go now. Bye, M/n." He said and waved you goodbye while entering the cab and rolled the windows down while he smiled up at you. "Hope to thee you thoon again, M/n." He said one last time before the car drove off to their destination.

And there it goes. Your last chance to say sorry. Lost. Now, you're left with a lingering feeling of pure guilt and regret.

-------

Years after and you have disbanded with your friends, you are still living with the regret that you made from when you were young. You had just turned 18 years old last month and you were even sadder than the last. Instead of wishing gifts and presents from your new found friends and families, you were only wishing for Yeosang to come back so you could just tell him how much you were sorry and hug him so tightly that he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Your sullen look was noticed by your mother, who by the way, already knew your sin towards Yeosang since you had told her about it already. The first time you told her, she was aggravated with you for not being the child she had raised you to be. You told her the purpose of your action, thus the reason why you left your friend group and boy was your mom right to have let you leave them. What once was playful, turned harsh and violent and you didn't want to be a part of that. "What's wrong, honey? Don't you like your gifts?" Your mother asked you in concern.

You shook your head and sighed. "It's not that. I'm just... feeling like a total jerk."

Your mother sighed at you sadly and sat down beside you, patting you lightly on the back. "Honey, what you've done was wrong, but trust me when I say that Yeosang has a kind heart and if you ever tell him you're sorry, he'd forgive you right away."

"Thanks, mom." You said. "But, people change as they grow."

"Not Yeosang."

You rolled your eyes at your mom with a smirk. "Sure mom. Not Yeosang." You shook your head in disbelief. "I just wish you're right, mom."

You stood up from your seat, as your mother did and walked your way out the door taking in the fresh air of the morning during spring season, when all the trees stood straight and tall, the flowers blooming with all their beauty. You smiled at the sight and took the camera that was hanging by your neck, over a sling and took a picture of the ethereal scenery.

You walked past your porch and started heading to the park to get some takes on your camera to post on your Instagram to entertain your million followers. As you did, you were able to pass by an ice cream stall, so you took a quick stop and bought three scoops of (favorite ice cream flavor) with chocolate syrup and sprinkles to top it off.

You were wearing a smile, happily licking your ice cream away. You let your eyes explore the world around you, finding everything interesting. All these years, the place had been making a lot of changes. From buildings to parks and work towers, everything just felt new, as if you never got to spend time, at least once visiting these places throughout you're whole eighteen years of existence.

You finally arrived at the park, everything from your childhood flashing back through your head. The once only a children's playground is now a family park, but rather than being reminded by the joyous memories, you were able to remember the memory that's been haunting you for life.

You couldn't believe yourself that you had the ability to bully such an innocent kid, while you kept blaming yourself for their sudden moving away. If you had the power to turn back time, you'd make things right with Yeosang and be a better friend to him, which you couldn't do because you wanted to be with the 'cool kids' when all they ever did was make a person's life miserable.

You found a bench to seat on and checked through the pictures you took on your camera, laughing at a video of Mingi getting drunk with Yunho, carrying him like he was a puppy. You just missed those two so bad. You never got another chance to meet them, not even once, since they're both now busy with their job and you're still here trying to find a way to pass the college entrance examination.

Whenever they're around, you three would always be loud as fuck and wouldn't care a thing about the world, just as long as you three are happy. Of course, you didn't go too far just to be happy, unlike the friends you once had.

You still had the smile on as you sighed satisfied and rested your camera back down to let it hang on your neck. You looked around you and saw children playing by the fountain, their parents watching with glee at the sight of their children playing happily. You grabbed your camera and took a picture of the wonderful scene.

You took a few more shots, satisfied, you were finally about to leave with not much else to do, when in a distance you heard a gruff voice call out to you. "M/n? Didn't expect to see you here."

You looked behind you to see Mingi who was in his suit holding a case, his golden wrist watch shining brightly under the sun's light. You smirked and scoffed. "I could tell you the same thing." You said all the while crossing your arms over your chest. "Mingi, are you slacking off?"

Mingi rolled his eyes at your teasing. "I take my job seriously, M/n. I'm not the same person who cuts classes."

"Sure. Sure." You mocked him, while he glared at you. "Anyways, how are you and Yunho doing?"

The brown haired male smiled at the thought of the taller male and sighed. "Oh, you know. The usual. Us missing you and wanting to baby you."

This time, it was you who rolled your eyes, the smirk on your face growing wider, if possible. "You both still on that?"

"Well, you're pretty much the reason how we got together. So, it's just a way of us showing our gratitude for having you in our life." Mingi patted your head making you giggle at the simple contact.

"I just hated how you two were so dense with all the signs you both tried so hard to make the other notice. I had to do something, at least." You said.

"But, weren't you the one who told me you had feelings for Yunho?" He teasingly wiggled his brows at you, making you blush profusely.

"Shut up. There are pasts that should be forgotten and it includes that." You huffed, puffing up your cheeks making you look like a little squirrel. "And you promised we would never speak of this ever again." You pulled your brows in disappointment, looking up at him. "All you do is lie."

"Hey, hey. I don't go that far." Mingi defended himself, before pulling you into his arms to hug you. "But, if you're so embarrassed about it, it'll be just our little secret."

"Don't even promise me if you're just going to break them in the end." You deadpanned making Mingi let out a deep voiced chuckle.

"Alright."

Soon, the two of you parted ways, waving your hands to each other to say goodbye. You were making your way back home, when you noticed a moving truck from the house next door. A new neighbor? You walked up to the truck driver to greet her and do some important interview. "Good morning, ma'am. Did someone just move in?"

"Oh, nice to see friendly faces up in here." She chuckled. "It's not everyday you get the luck to meet one." She sighs from her aching back, before exhaling deeply. "Yeah. Rich families, to be exact. Paid me a good tip." She said making you giggle.

"I see." You laughed lightly. "Well, have a great day, ma'am. Hope to see you, again." You waved her goodbye, the woman doing the same to you.

You hummed to a song as you finished your walk, now in front of your porch, your mom tending with her flowers. "Had a good day, honey?"

"Better than great." You replied. "I met Mingi on his way to his job. Thought he was slacking off like he usually does." You chortled, earning a playful slap on the back from your mom.

"Oh, you." She told you before she led you inside and went straight to the kitchen. "Oh, by the way, have you met the new neighbors next door?"

"Nope." You answered, popping the 'p' with a purse of your lips at the end, then sat down on a seat excited to eat the apple pie your mother made while you were away. Once, it got placed down on the table, you hurriedly dug in with your barehands, but before you could, your mother slapped your hand making you pout as she folded her gardening apron.

"That's for the neighbors." She informed you, your mouth opening in understanding while nodding your head. "And I'm letting you do the honors to give this to them, since I believe, the new neighbors' son was a friend of yours."

"A friend? Who?" You asked with a raised brow, but your mother only gave you a wink and carefully hands you the apple pie. With no other choice, you stood up and wore your bunny slippers, too lazy to put your shoes back on, as you headed to the house next door.

You walked up the small stairs that led up to the house's front door and knocked three times. You waited for a reply, but you received nothing, so you waited before knocking on the door, once again just in case they didn't hear you.

Alas, a male's voice was heard, shouting a loud 'coming' to inform you that someone was finally coming for the door. You stood there patiently with a smile, practicing in your head what you will have to say to the male. The door soon flew open and appeared a tall man, who looked freakishly handsome, his features flawless that it's making it hard for you to look away. He was so surreal. Like a character pulled straight out from a comic.

You tried to utter a word, but the lines you prepared in your head was long forgotten. "Uh..." Was the only word you could ever stable.

"Er.. Is that for us?" The male asked you, snapping you from your thoughts and nodding your head, taking notice of the small lisp he had with the letter 's'.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. It's for you and your family." You said. "It's actually a tradition, so we make the new neighbors feel welcome." You added and slowly gave it to the male infront of you, a smile gracing upon his features. Goodness, his smile is so stunning.

He accepted the gift and took it into his hands. You bowed curtly and had decided to make your way back, when the male had caught your attention. "Wait, don't go just yet. Why don't you come inside and have a bite?"

And who were you to turn down an offer from a cute guy? "Uhm, er, sure. Yeah, I'd love to." He lets you walk inside first as he closes the door, a small creak and click coming from it.

"Hol'up, you're not a pedophile, are you?" You suddenly asked out of fear. "There's been a lot of news going on around the world and I've prepared my whole life, so I can fight you."

"No, no. For sure, I'm not." He said as he walked by past you, leading the way to the kitchen to guide you. Once you two made it to the kitchen, the things on the table were cleared, the car keys hiding it in his pockets. "Take a seat. I'll go grab some plates."

"Your mom and dad?" You asked out of the blue, making him chuckle.

"You're so full of questions." He told you. "They're buying groceries."

"Oh." You let out silently, sitting down while fiddling with your fingers since you got nothing else to do.

The male came back with what he intended to get and placed one on your side, then one on his, moving to the kitchen isle to get a knife to cut the pie. "So, how's your life going?"

You thought for while taking a long deep breathe. "Well, I guess you could pretty much say, complicated." You answered and when he didn't speak back to let you keep on talking, you continued. "There's days where I feel so happy, then there are days where I feel miserable." You looked up at him while he cuts the pie. "I just wish... I..." You trailed off once you were able to catch a glimpse of the discoloration of a certain area on the side of his head. Wait a minute. That birthmark...

The moment you were able to figure it out, you jumped up from your seat and widened your eyes in shock. "Yeo.. Yeosang..?"

He let out a small chuckle, before stopping his actions and looking up at you. "So, you saw my tattoo, huh?"

You couldn't believe it. He was back, but different. He's no longer the chubby little boy with snot running down his nose, he's now a total hottie and he's even taller than you already. "O-oh my gosh.. Yeosang.. You look so.. different."

"Well, I wanted to be your friend badly, I decided to change for you, but it was also a self-decision, so don't feel so bad, M/n." Yeosang said. He did change, but his personality is still the same old Yeosang.

"Yeosang, I was your friend. I was just a coward." You sadly said, your guilt even growing bigger. "I'm so sorry."

Yeosang moved to your side and pulled you into his arms, the strong scent of something sweet and musky all at the same time, tickling your nose. His embrace was so warm and caring that you never wanted him to pull away. "M/n, I have forgiven you a long time ago, already. You don't have to say sorry, anymore."

"Just let me do it, Sang. The thought of not being able to see you again keeps plaguing me for days." You admitted. "I kept on blaming myself that I was the reason why you moved away."

"No, M/n, you're not. Please, don't be hard on yourself." He said, caressing your hair. "It was a family business, so we had to move to a place near dad's work place."

You gave him a light punch and stifled a laugh. "You should have told me sooner."

You both got into a comfortable silence, before Yeosang decided to break it. "Well, how about we eat and catch up on each others' lives, yeah?"

"That sounds lovely."

[witchy-jadda]

rott spoilers ahead

so i’ve given myself some time to think about everything and try to process it all and here are some of my thoughts on trollhunters: rise of the titans...

- straight off the bat, i loved the intro. opening with blinky telling the story of what happened up until this point was incredible. i would have loved if they had circled back to this though (i saw someone else say it should have been him telling the story to jim and claire’s kids and i loved that idea!)

- i also liked that they didn’t waste time at the start, instead they just jumped right into the action which was fun.

- honestly, i thought jim’s plotline throughout the movie where he basically thought he was useless without the amulet was just really not fun to watch. i understand why it was there and it played into the climax but i really did not find it one bit necessary seeing as i felt that we have grown beyond that. i felt it was overused. we’ve been there before and jim is aware that he’s the trollhunter, amulet or not.

- douxie being so soft with nari was genuinely one of the most heartwarming parts of the movie. i feel that we were really robbed of so much potential with douxie in this movie though. we didn’t see nearly enough of him. it seemed that the writers were picking and choosing when to remember how powerful he is. switching with nari and connecting to her are two examples of when they actually used his power, but aside from that they just disregarded it a lot.

- and speaking of forgetting how powerful people are... i’m genuinely so hurt and let down over what they did to claire. do they not realise how powerful she is? did they just forget about her character arc? it sure felt like it. she got to use her powers a few times (connecting to nari, portalling the titan, etc) but mostly it felt like she was saying she was spent and therefore unable to do anything. she is so strong and so powerful, and that’s just so empowering - especially for young girls. and then it kinda felt to me that rott was reducing her to basically nothing more than jim’s love interest.

- okay another quick note, it kinda felt to me that krel’s potential was also pretty wasted? he barely did anything and i just think he deserved more too.

- ew okay i don’t even want to think about it but i know i can’t discuss rott without talking about the mpreg thing. seriously, what the fuck was that? at first, i thought it was going to be a joke. i thought aja and krel were gonna wind steve up and see how far they could go with making him think he was pregnant just for a little bit of comic relief. but then he was actually pregnant. and so i laughed, because even though it was dumb it was kind of funny. weird and unexpected, but kind of funny. but by the time the movie was over it just didn’t sit right with me. looking past the fact that it was just more of them making steve’s character into a joke, i couldn’t see the logic in giving so much time to that subplot when other characters (claire, douxie) and other relationships (claire and douxie’s friendship) were sidelined. maybe if he had gotten a whole season the mpreg thing could have been included as comic relief or whatever, but with such limited time i really don’t see the point of wasting so much time on something so pointless. 

- speaking of steve, i need to talk about creepslayerz... they really deserved more :( like i get that eli literally helped steve through child birth and then named one after him which was lowkey adorable but i loved their friendship so much and i was really hoping to see more of them. i was kind of hoping they’d get to do more as well. look i gave up on hopes of a romance long ago (even though i still really wished it would happen) but i hoped that at least we’d see some more of their friendship.

* by this point my brain has decided to forget absolutely every point i wanted to make... cue the brain fog (we don’t like her) and allow me to take a moment to read back and try to find my point again *

- i don’t think i can stress enough how much i loved the visuals in this movie. holy fucking shit it was just phenomenal. like wow. the art was absolutely fantastic and i’m really hoping for another the art of... book because i love the art of trollhunters and i feel that they could do with updating it to include the newer stuff. but yep, the animation quality was incredible and i don’t have a bad thing to say about it because just wow.

- speaking of art... a moment of appreciation for character designs. just wow wow wow. we love to see such intricately designed villains. we love to see growth in our other much loved characters. and the locations too? fantastic. beautiful. amazing. loved it.

- another moment of appreciation for jim. the hair. the scars. the injuries. the winter jacket. the fact that he looked a little older.... loved it. loved it, loved it, loved it. i cannot wait to spend hours pouring over reference pictures to draw them all.

- and claire... her armor being weathered and worn. her eyes!! her hair looked great as always. i just love her...

- nari nari nari... my goodness, her magic is so beautiful. i wish we got to see more.

- also, the jlaire moments were very cute. their kisses? so soft. they literally love each other so much. i adore them.

- what happened to the babies from the darklands btw? is not enrique just chilling in the lake’s house with a ton of babies? 

- barbara deserved better. i would have liked to see her and strickler happy.

- on that note, why the actual fuck did they think a few explosives would win against magic?? literal ancient magic and these dumbasses were like huh i guess we should blow it up. i’m sorry, what?? y’all are stupid.

* currently trying to think of every possible point that isn’t to do with the ending because i really don’t want to think about that yet *

- the whole thing with archie and charlemagne felt super unnecessary. like usually characters sacrifice themselves and it’s like sad and you can see the reasoning and stuff. but they literally could have gotten out. i really did not vibe with that. it felt like they just did that to leave douxie with no one.

- that trollmarket was beautiful though.

- speaking of trollmarket... they really restored the heartstone just like that? are you joking? i was not impressed at all. the heartstone was dead and gone, could not be destroyed. did they just forget that? half the shit in wizards wouldn’t have happened if the heartstone could have been restored. very pissed off by that. it was dead, that was it.

- okay back to jim... love that he pulled the sword from the stone. it was cute that it was a group effort, kinda would have preferred if it was just him but that’s just a me thing. and maybe me and my daylight tattoo are biased here, but excalibur is not half as pretty as daylight.

- not gonna lie, jim yelling come on trollhunters! kinda got me. i was very emotional watching this.

- i think the most in character jim moment of the whole movie was when he dropped excalibur, he didn’t have his armor, he was all alone and he decided to make a fist and fight the wizard/god with literally no weapon or means of defence. i don’t think y’all understand how much i love this dumb self sacrificing selfless boy. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, he is literally one of my most favourite characters of all time. i love him with all my heart.

- the armor!! wow wow wow. that was a fucking cool scene. beautiful.

- jim getting stabbed or whatever with that fucking spear thing nearly killed me.

- okay here goes... toby. my sweet toby. jim and toby’s friendship is one of my absolute favourites ever. my goodness. and toby getting in the van and going to save jim was incredible and such a toby thing to do. of course he would think of doing that.

- but like seriously... claire and douxie are so fucking powerful and they were both just like lol i guess we can’t do anything to help jim? i’m sorry what?? don’t tell me that claire wouldn’t go full on black and purple eyes and get herself up their to him. i just... i’m so bothered by the fact that they were sidelined y’all :|

- also, do not seriously try to tell me that aaarrrgghh!!! would let toby go on his own. he would have went with him. he would have followed him.

- literally as jim was falling the first thing that went through my mind was oh aaarrrgghh!!! is gonna run up and catch him.

- and while we’re on the topic of aaarrrgghh!!! why tf did they have such a build up that something was going to happen to either him or blinky for literally no reason? wtf

- aaarrrgghh!!! would not have let toby go alone!!! if he had been there, he would have protected toby, he would have saved him and none of that mess of an ending would have happened.

* ugh here’s the bit i was dreading... the ending *

- first off, i am choosing to ignore it.

- time stone? really? we’re... we’re gonna do this? literally one of the most original things i have ever watched is now - at the literal last possible minute - rip off another movie?? really?? whyyyy???

- i literally cannot express how much i hated it. it was so fucking unnecessary.

- he didn’t need to go back that far!!!

- i’m actually trying to block this out but i suppose i have to at least touch on it. jim would never ever put that burden on to toby. he just wouldn’t. before even looking at all of the other issues with toby getting the amulet, i need to say that. it just wouldn’t happen. he struggled so much with being the trollhunter, he wouldn’t put that on toby. 

- also toby literally never wanted to be the trollhunter?? he never wanted the amulet? he wanted to be a duke and have his war hammer and go on adventures with his best friend and his wingman and eat mexican food.

- okay so um i guess they all just forgot about unbecoming? cool cool cool.

- seriously though, was it not established many times that jim literally had to be trollhunter? and if he wasn’t it would be draal and everything would go to shit? did they just forget about that??

- having jim just decide to give toby the amulet literally takes away from the entire meaning behind jim getting the amulet and becoming the trollhunter. the amulet chose jim. merlin chose him. out of all of the creatures in the world, it had to be jim. he can’t just give that to toby!!

- and as much as i love toby, he would not last a day as trollhunter.

- and that’s not even beginning to mention all that jim erased by not becoming trollhunter. no father son relationship between him and blinky. they didn’t stop steve from picking on eli so no steve redemption and no creepslayerz. is he just going to allow enrique to be taken? toby will not have the same incentive to go into the darklands to save him if that’s the case. strickler will not show any sort of sentiment towards toby either. and then the big one...

- IS THAT FUCKER REALLY GOING TO ALLOW CLAIRE TO NOT GET HER POWERS??? WHAT???

- if jim isn’t trollhunter and the whole thing with enrique doesn’t happen then claire will never get her shadowstaff. let’s be real, strickler probably wouldn’t even need angor rot with toby as trollhunter. somehow i can’t see him making it that far...

- if claire doesn’t have her shadow staff then the whole thing with morgana won’t happen. she won’t destroy the shadow staff and then she will never develop her powers. would jim really rob her of that?

- okay i can’t do anymore, it’s too much for me now...

- i touched on this already in a separate post but i gotta say it again... i did not enjoy the destiny is a gift bit at the end. first of all, jim having toby find the amulet literally takes the meaning of that speech and his destiny away instanty. and second, i just could not stand hearing emile hirsch say the words that belonged to anton yelchin. it was just uncomfortable.

aaand i think i’m done. maybe i’ll have more later but i have a headache now from all of this.

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[najatheangel]

𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞

pairing: Lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nct members)

genre: fluff, angst, comedy and spice.

inspired song: Bestie by Lloyd.

summary: donghyuck’s and his s/o memories as best friends leading up to becoming lovers. (btw this one’s a little longer than the ones i usually write so beware loves.)

Haechan’s POV: June, 24th, 2018. “Today’s the day where I finally tell her how I feel. After 7 years of my friendship, growing up together and holding back my feelings for so long, Today is the day where things change. I’m tired of being stuck in the friend zone this is my one and only chance before she moves away. Now or Never Hyuck...”

“She's a bad one not a fast one. Every time we get together we have fun”

Growing up, me and y/n always were always bound to be apart of each other’s lives. We’ve grew up in the same neighborhood, our parents met each other in school, our friends are dating each other and we even go to the same school together. Sounds very corny right? It’s true though.

Our thing was always playing horror games together every night after we finish doing homework together. She was always the procrastinator so I had to give her some motivation. Not only that, we always play around the swing sets in the park that’s right in front of our houses to talk about anything and everything that was going on in our life’s.

This one time she got so drunk after Mark’s birthday party and was trying to swing so high and flew off the swing set thinking she was super man. Heh, she can be such a idiot at times. She may be one of the goofiest, bubbly and sweetest people I know. She can also be caring, overprotective and keep me calm whenever I’m always acting crazy.

I don’t remember what exact moment I feel in love with you, but I do remember feeling like as time went by, my love for you stared to grow much stronger. Everyone around us was starting to suspect how we felt about it each other especially my mom she adored you so much and loved the idea of us being together.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

Once we’ve started getting much older I've tried dating other girls but none of them just didn’t compare to you. I’ve tried to joke around with them, they wouldn’t take me seriously. When I try to ask them out on dates, they would ditch me for someone else. When I try to be affectionate, they reject and always want to stay friends. I normally had luck keeping girls around, but only for a short amount of time. It seemed like every week I had a new girlfriend.

I knew y/n was always frustrated at me trying to tell me there’s other fish in the sea, but hell I want to my little mermaid and that’s y/n-ie. I even teased her about it, but she didn’t seem to take a hint.

“You know y/n... we should honestly just date. We would be the next Hyuna and Edawn in the school. They would have nothing on us.” I even nudged her on the shoulder to get her smiling.

“Hmm? Are you insane that would be too weird. We’re like brother and sister.” I could tell she was flustered, but she wasn’t exactly to thrilled with the idea. “Plus you know how I feel about Mark already. I’ve got to really wow him at this game tonight.” Oh yeah I forgot to mention she had a crush on my other best friend Mark Lee at the time.

“I know she should just be my friend Yet I'm hoping, I'm hoping that maybe it will lead In love happy end.”

It would work my nerves every time she would talk about him and always would ask advice on what to do, but I was very hopeful and believed I still had to chance to win her heart. I gush to everyone including the boys everyday about how madly in love I was with y/n without even realizing.

I would tell everyone, well except her of course. Johnny almost told my secret to everyone at Jaehyun’s house party when we were all playing strip uno. It was shut down real quickly because Doyoung gave him a long hard talk after awhile.

That night was also the worst for me because that was the same days the homecoming game where you confessed your feelings to Mark and became officially a couple. In my mind I wanted to be happy for the two of you as I watched you two kissed each other in front of everyone.

After that day, I avoided you for a while and couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t have you at that very moment. I couldn’t spend more time with you, hold you, kiss you, brag to everyone how much I loved you.

Although I was torn and felt defeated when you started dating Mark, I still felt a tiny bit of hope that someday I would still have a chance to make you mine and have our happy ending.

Y/N POV: June 24th, 2018. The day that I say farewell to my best friend Lee Donghyuck before going leaving to go to Harvard. I can’t believe this day has finally come we haven’t had the chance to hang out throughout our entire senior year so I want to make this count. I also want to tell him how I’ve felt about him. Let’s see where do I even start....

“We were children when we met. Just playing house and drinking sodas at the corner store.”

I remember having a hard time making friends my family moves from city to city because of my dad career as a entrepreneur for multiple companies and my mom working as a travel nurse. I was bullied for my struggling with my weight and for being an outcast which caused a lot of depression for me.

One day I remember running away from these girls in my school because they were trying to throwing apples at me. It was they’re way of trying to help me “eat healthy.” Jokes on them I was the top runner in the track team hehe.

Anyways, I lost them for a good second until I was trapped surrounded by them at the market by my house. I almost felt at lost against the 4 girls, until this crazy guy Lee Donghyuck comes out of no where scaring them away with his Freddy Kruger mask threatening them to leave me alone or he’ll haunt them in their sleep.

I felt bad for laughing, but it was one of the most nicest thing anyone has ever done for me ever since I’ve moved to Korea. He randomly introduces himself to me and offers me to play with him for an exchange of saving my life from those bullies.

“Hey my name is Donghyuck. Those girls always find their next target to pick on, but no worries princess I’m here to protect you. Let me introduce you to my other friends.”

He reached his hand on to me and ever since I was always dragged on to his crazy adventures.

“Like a brother from another. Didn't notice all the other girls they wanted more.”

Donghyuck was pretty popular when it came to having lots of guy friends and dating even when we were kids. In 5th grade on Valentine’s I remembered his desk being flooded with chocolates and anonymous love letters stuffed in backpack.

The idea didn’t bother me at first because I saw Hyuck as my older protective brother. I even slid some letters in my self saying “Happy Valentine’s Day loser. Enjoy those kits kats!” We tend to tease each other a lot, but that’s how we showed our love to each other.

People in our class including the boys Jaemin, Chenle and Yang Yang were encouraging us to date, but we just never seemed thrilled with the idea.

“Awhh c’mon you guys would be so cute together. You guys have kissed once before anyways it’s a sign.” I remember the boys would always poke fun at us, but we both would scream.

“Ew no way! Plus that kiss didn’t count it was for a school play.”

Yet every time a guy would try to ask me out, Donghyuck would scare them away because he claims that I’m still too young to date. Smh, yeah I should’ve known that it was actually because you were jealous.

“But now look at the glow up. You're the finest thing I ever seen, but you never been more than a friend to me.”

As much as I hate to admit it, but god sometimes Donghyuck can be hot...sexy...hell good looking when he wants to be. It doesn’t help that he’s teasing me about it either.

There was this one time when we were playing Mario Karts in his room and it was on a hot summer day at the time. This guy had the nerve to take his shirt off in front of me with sweat dripping on his abs, hair slightly messy to the side, and leans back with his grey sweat pants on.

GREY SWEATS!! Like cmon. I could barely concentrate on the game after awhile admiring how painly handsome. I felt very guilty because I was still dating Mark at the time, but my mind was going 2 different directions.

“Hey y/n if your hot you can take your shirt off too. I thought my mom had the mechanic fixed the ac by now so sorry about that.” There he goes sticking his tongue out like that again. Does he have no shame.

“Umm, Hyuck I just remembered I have a test on Friday to study for. Tootles!” I knew if I would’ve stayed in his room much longer I would’ve either passed out or sink deep into his tempting body leaning against mine. It was not only the heat in the room that was driving me crazy, but my beating heart that was burning my chest.

Before I tried to leave he shut the door and pushed me against the wall staring deep into my eyes. “You know princess, we don’t have a math test Friday right? I’m in the same class as you.”

This man uggh, next he proceeds to make me look at him in the eye by lifting my chin up. “D-did I say math test, silly me. I meant biology test.” After laughing awkwardly for a while I realized he wasn’t laughing with me like he usually does. It was like the vibe changed in a matter of 5 sec.

“Listen y/n...I know your dating Mark and all, but would it be wrong to just let me hold you one last time.” Yeah it would be awful, especially when your still technically half naked in front of me.

I’ve never even gotten close to kissing Mark before, yet my friend of 6 years is going to do it. So I had to run out of there before things got worse. “I-I can’t do that Hyuck. You know that wouldn’t be right. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“I'm thinking that one day you'll be mine. And I don't wanna lose you.”

I ran home as fast as I can hyperventilating before I let myself caught any feelings. The truth was for awhile I only wanted to date Mark to try to forget about Hyuck, but after that night I’ve started to realize that I can’t escape my feelings that I have for him it’s impossible.

I love him more than anyone in this world. The thought of that saying had me laughing and crying that night.

June 26th, the day Donghyuck will have one last chance to confess his feelings before his princess y/n leaves off to go to school. Y/N and Donghyuck both run out of each other’s house and decided to meet up at the swing set after 6 years.

They both sit down sighing looking up at the orange sunset sky that’s shinning throughout the area. The two of them slowly swing looking down at the ground waiting for the other person to speak up first.

“So...I bet you probably heard the news already huh? I’ve finally got accept to Harvard. So tomorrow I’ll be going back to my hometown to begin my semester in fall.” Donghyuck responds back by saying.

“I know, I heard from my mom. She nearly cried. You know it would’ve been nice to hear from you. I haven’t seen you since last week.” Y/n finally looks up at him with tears falling down her face.

“Hyuck I’ve been going through so much this past week. I’ve broken up with Mark, my brother was stuck in the hospital and I almost had to repeat senior year if I didn’t pass that state test. So I’m sorry I didn’t contact you lately.”

Hyuck quickly stands up and hugs y/n gently by stroking her hair. “It would’ve been nice to hear your voice. I miss you and I love you.”

They both freeze up at the words he just said “Y-you what now?” Hyuck gulps at first, but then he snaps out of it ready to pour his heart out.”

“LISTEN PRINCESS I LOVE YOU OKAY?? Not just as a friend either. This whole year I never got to hang out with you and I don't know how to pretend, I hate falling in love with my best friend. That night you left my room I almost gave up on us, but I knew I had to tell you before you walk out of my life. Talk about bad timing right?”

Y/N starts giggling wiping her tears for a split second but then smiles by saying.

“I love you too Donghyuck. I have for a long time actually I just didn’t want to ruin my one and only specially friendship I had with you. I was even thinking that trying to move on by dating someone else would work, but it didn’t. Without you in my life, I am blue as the sky.”

The two of you of crack up laughing again at your embarrassing thoughts of each other, but immediately stop trying to think of what should happen next.

“We’re truly some idiots. Now we only have a few hours left of being a couple before you leave. So what happens next y/n?”

Y/n sits on Hyuck’s lap hugging him tightly and leans into his face by saying. “No worries we’ll figure this out once I move. For right now let’s just enjoy our last few hours together as a couple.”

Hyuck wraps arms around y/n waist and feels his heart skipping a beat once she starts kissing him softly in his ear. “Princess you know I’m very ticklish right there.” Ignoring his comments y/n proceeds to kiss his ear again, but then starts trailing down to his neck.

“My B-E-S-T, a true friend to me. Give me love and energy, that is what you send to me”

“Mmm keep calling me princess and I promise you I won’t be able to hold back.” He wiggles his eyebrows at your bold response and smirks by saying...

“Well what’s stoping you? We can do it right here right now on these swing sets.” He starts sliding your hands in your thighs while finally kissing you on your lips.

All that built up passion and emotion was easily displayed as you were kissing him. Not to mention the fact that he’s sliding his hand in your jeans which is making it hard for you to keep your voice down.

“Ahh keep it down y/n...Do you want the neighbors to hear you?” He teases you more by moving your hand in his jeans. “Do it for me too.”

“Lee Donghyuck, are you crazy?? Why don’t we just do this in your room. We will get caught for sure.” He pouts for a second and says

“Yes I’m crazy for you. You already know this though. How about this, we can finish this in my room and we can just tell my mom we stayed up playing games again all night long. Deal?”

“Deal!” You give him one last peck on the lips and grab him by running into his house like there’s no tomorrow. “Slow down princess!” The two of you slammed the door in his room and for the whole night you never dared to leave his side for a split second.

“It's what you do to me.”

The morning after ended up becoming very emotional for the both of you, because this is the last the you’ll be seeing each other face to face until the both of you are done with school. While he’s off becoming a singer, you’ll be on your way becoming a lawyer.

Out of all the places you could possibly move away from again your home next to Donghyuck and his family was the hardest to leave from. You made so many memories here and would cherish it for the rest of your life.

Before heading the road you give your best friend and now boyfriend one last hug and kiss on the forehead before putting your last luggage in the trunk and hitting the road to start your journey.

Although your both moving on to different paths of life career wise, you both will always have your history together and promised to reunite as a couple again when the time is right.

Thanks so much for reading this far you guys and feedback would be much appreciated. ✨

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🏷 : @himitsu-luna @starrdustville @xxminmixx @dundun-baby @purplepsycho03 @kpopsnowball

Send an ask if you want to be added or removed from the tag list. 💫💫💫

[the-bau-quinjet]

Walk Me Home

Chapter 3 of In Breakable Heaven! I don’t love this chapter, but it felt necessary. idk. Everything picks up in the next one!

Summary: It’s pretty much all in the title! 

Warnings: confronting a cheating ex

Word Count: ~2200

“You really didn’t need to walk me home. I didn’t mean to make you leave earlier than you wanted.” You said as you walked next to Spencer.

“Trust me. I’m normally home by now anyway.” He replied easily. You shifted closer as you thought about the buildings surrounding your apartment complex.

 “Where do you live?” You blurted out, unable to think of anything else to say.

 “Oh, I live in Langham Apartments.” He replied. You thought about the name, recognizing it as you had toured there when you first moved to DC.

 “Isn’t that North of Penelope’s though?” You said, double checking you were walking south toward your own apartment.

 He sighed. “Yes… I know what you’re thinking. Your place is definitely not on the way to mine, but I didn’t want you to walk by yourself and I didn’t think you would let me walk with you unless you thought it was convenient for me. More than 70% of violent crimes happen at night, and midnight to 1:00 AM is the busiest hour for many of those crimes.” You stopped walking, turning him to look at you by grabbing his hands. “Thank you.” You said it with as much sincerity as possible, wanting him to know how much you really appreciate the action.

 You dropped one hand so he could turn back around, but held the other as you walked down the street in a comfortable silence. You were still drunk enough to not think anything of the innocent act. A cat ran out in front of you, scaring you in your still tipsy state. You jumped into Spencer, with your hands grabbing his arm, and you pulled yourself closer to him. He laughed as he saw the source of your sudden fear. Shuffling past the feline, you didn’t make any effort to distance yourself from him. If anything, you leaned on him more as you grew tired throughout the walk.

 You didn’t want to say goodbye as you arrived home. Spencer, being the incredibly intelligent and observant person he is, felt you tense beside him as you turned the corner and your building came into view. “Are you okay?” He asked as your grip on his arm tightened.

 “Yeah, I just… it was a lot easier to think I would be able to get rid of all his stuff before actually having to look at it.” You replied.

 You saw something flash across Spencer’s face before he stuttered “I, uh, I guess, I could, um, go up with you, uh, if you think it’ll help.” You turned to him, a small grin slowly spreading across your face.

 “That would be amazing. I just don’t think I can be alone right now.” You were entering the elevator, pressing the button for the fourth floor before returning to cling to his arm.

 Nothing could have prepared you for the sight in front of you as the elevator doors opened. You held tighter to Spencer’s arm as you realized it was Drew standing in front of your apartment door. He looked almost sad, but quickly shifted to anger as he glanced down at your hands around Spencer’s arm. “Drew, I don’t want you here. I want to move on from my life and pretend like you were never in it.” You could feel the tears pooling in your eyes, threatening to escape as you confronted Drew.

 “I came to apologize, but obviously you already found someone to move on with. You were probably already sleeping with him.” Drew’s words felt like a whip hitting you in the face.

 “How. Dare. You.” You spit back at him, the tears giving away to pure hatred. “You are not even the least bit sorry. God. You don’t get to yell at me for having a friend- that’s right A FRIEND, help me through the complete bullshit you’ve put me through. You are the one who cheated on me. On our fucking anniversary. You don’t get to spin this around and act like I’m a bad person for trying to forget you. Get the hell out of my apartment building or so help me god I will…” You trailed off, not knowing what you could possibly say that would intimidate him.

 “You’ll what? You can’t do anything to me Y/N.” Drew’s eyes were cold and careless as he laughed at your rage.

 “She actually can. She can file a restraining order.” Spencer started. “You see, I work for the FBI in a unit that specializes in catching the world’s worst criminals. We’ve handled our fair share of stalking cases. I will not hesitate to see you prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law if you so much as think about contacting her again.” Spencer’s eyes were hard. He was staring down at Drew as if he were invincible. You clung to him as Drew muttered “Yeah, whatever. Like I’d waste my time on her anyway” before leaving.

 You forced a smile on your face as you walked into your apartment and looked at Spencer. You wanted to be happy that he’s gone, completely out of your life, but you just felt empty. You have experienced way too many emotions for one night and you know exactly what you need right now. Rushing over to your speaker, you turn it on and pull up your Taylor Swift playlist for when you are feeling everything all at once. What can you say, the woman really knows how to write emotions. As you hear the soft music of this is me trying begin to play, you sink into the couch and start crying.

 Spencer shuffles over from where you left him by the door. As he sits next to you, unsure of what to do next. He’s not really sure why you put on this song. It sounds like it will only play into your upset state. You know you just need to flush yourself of the emotions before ridding your life of him entirely. Instead of asking about the music, he surprises both of you by pulling you into his lap and rubbing circles on your back. The small gesture is so kind that you start crying even harder, remembering how nice you thought Drew was. You aren’t sure how long you cry for before you eventually fall asleep.

 -- 

Reid’s POV

Spencer wasn’t sure why he was so set on walking you home, but upon seeing your reaction to Drew standing outside your door, he’s very glad he did. He’s never really been an intimidating person, but there was some instinctual feeling in him to protect you. Not that he thinks you need protection. He just knows you are in an emotionally fragile state and the man who put you there just accused you of the exact thing he had done hours before. It was pretty messed up. Maybe that is why he threw all his rules out the window for you.

 He really doesn’t understand the choice of music. Although, it does cover a range of emotions. The only thing he is completely sure about is that he never wants to see you this sad ever again. Maybe that is why he pulls you into his lap. You clearly need comfort right now, and it would be worse if he just awkwardly left. His barrier to touch has never been broken down so easily. It takes a lot of getting to know someone before Spencer would ever even consider shaking their hand.

 The songs shift from gut-wrenchingly sad to sweetly reminiscent to seductive before he’s sure you’ve fallen asleep. Every time he tries to stop rubbing your back, the softest whimper leaves your lips. At least, that’s what he tells himself as he drifts off, dreaming about meeting you under happier circumstances.

 --

 Y/N POV

In typical fashion after a night of drinking, you wake up around 6:30 wide awake. As your eyes adjust to the dim light, you notice you are still on the couch, but now laying down, with Spencer’s arms still wrapped around you. He looks so adorable sleeping. You slowly untangle yourself from him, so as not to wake him up, before walking into the kitchen for some water. It’s always good to hydrate, even if you don’t ever feel the hangover.

 You began thinking about what you could do to thank Spencer for everything he did last night. Not to mention you forced him to sleep on the couch. You settled on breakfast, but you knew if you started cooking you would wake him up. After finally deciding on a plan, you quickly get dressed. You grabbed your keys and left a post it on the door saying you would be right back, just in case he woke up before you returned.

 You quickly ran across the street to your favorite diner. Not knowing what Spencer would like, you order pancakes, French toast, an omelet, two different breakfast skillets, a sandwich, and sides of bacon, sausage, and toast. While you’re waiting for the order, you walk farther down the street to the small coffee shop you frequent. Again, you could only guess how Spencer liked his coffee so you ordered your usual mocha with extra sugar, a cold brew, and a hot black coffee. After collecting your drinks, you make your way back to the diner to pick up the food.

 It is a struggle to re-enter your apartment with all the food you just bought in your hands. When you finally push the door open, you see a confused Spencer sitting up on the couch glancing in your direction. He glances at the bags in your hands and his confusion only grows. With his help, you finally manage to set everything down on the counter. “Coffee?” You ask, gesturing to the cups.

 “Which one is for me?” he chuckles. “Oh! Right, I got a few different kinds since I didn’t know what you’d like. You can just take your pick and I’ll grab one after.” You begin to unpack the food choices as he tries the first coffee. Almost instantly he gags.

 “That one must be mine.” You say sheepishly as you take the cup from him. “That’s the usual response when people try my drink of choice.” He looks at you funny as he settles on a cup.

 “Really? I thought that was a normal order. I just like my coffee different than pretty much everyone.”

 You look at him as you take a sip of the drink, instantly spitting it into the sink that was behind you. “ew ew ew, that is black coffee. That is disgusting. Oh my god how can anyone drink that.” You chug some water to rinse the taste from your mouth. “Which coffee did you pick?” you ask as you grab the creamer and sugar to fix the monstrosity in front of you.

 “The sweetest one…” Spencer looks almost shy as he admits how sweet he likes his coffee.

 “Ahh, the mocha with extra sugar. That’s my go to.” You say as you dump the sixth spoonful of sugar into your dup. He stares at you in amazement as you finish stirring the now creamy looking beverage. “Much better” you exclaim after taking a sip.

 “I have never met anyone who likes their coffee as sweet as I do.” Spencer has a dopey grin on his face as he looks at your cup. “It’s refreshing not to be judged for something so minute.”

 “I know exactly what you mean! It’s so weird how people can think they are superior for some reason just because their taste buds don’t automatically reject the disgusting bitterness of unsweetened coffee. I mean, I’m still a perfectly capable adult even though I like sugary things. You don’t have to fit into some mold…” Your rant fades from your mind as you meet Spencer’s gaze. “Sorry, I tend to ramble.” You look sheepishly at the floor, immediately jumping into describing the foods you bought. “Now, as for breakfast. I wanted to say thank you for last night, but I wanted to make sure I got something you liked.”

 You scan the array of food you’ve placed in front of you. “You can even feel free to have some of each if you want!” You say as Spencer just stares at you with a look on his face that you can’t quite place.

 “You are incredible,” he says as he takes a seat and gets some food. You don’t really know how to respond to that, so you just grab some food for yourself as you sit down across from him.

 Talking with Spencer during breakfast is so easy. It’s almost as if you didn’t have a major break-up less than 24 hours ago. All too soon, breakfast had come to an end and there are no more dishes to do or leftovers to clean up to stall anymore. Spencer grabs his bag and says “I should probably get going, I have a few errands to run.”

 You let out a small sigh before responding “oh, yeah, of course. I wouldn’t want to keep you. Thank you again for everything yesterday. It was really nice of you.” Spencer shrugs before responding, “I just wanted to help,” turning and walking out of your apartment.

 After locking the door behind him, you sink to the floor fully letting your strange mix of emotions take over. You just might need to listen to that playlist again, only now you’re feeling a range of emotions instead of just a range of sadness.

 tag list:

@mac99martin @eevee0722 @l0ve-0f-my-life @haylaansmi @dinonuggets15 @laurakirsten0502 @green-intervention @burnin-passion

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep1

I’m here! The final season continues from where se02 oddly left, right in the middle of a conversation! XD.

-Tohru’s crushed heart (scarf): Excellent symbolism!

Tohru, burdened with trying to lift the curse of teen & adult sohmas, is now also troubled by trying to help Arisa’s romantic life is sad for akito! Too much for compassionate selfless tohru. Unable to help, protect & erase the pain, tohru crumbles. Freezes. Her white scarf (heart) flies away, gets crushed by cars & becomes dirty. But here comes a boy ( who thinks himself a monster) picks it up, cleans & returns it back. He thinks nothing of his deed. nothing heroic abt saving a scarf, really. But do we need to be heroes to save others? kyo saves tohru by being kyo. Not the zodiac cat & not the menacing monster. Her heart is saved by him, shown much care & returned back. Mind you, the heart (scarf) is not brand new after the delima. It’s not very clean after being crushed, some marks remain, but these are marks of growth!!! you walk away after hardships carrying minor scars of victory. This scene solidify kyo’s role in tohru’s life as an equal companion. Not a heroic prince charming. It is the little things he does that shows who he is. kyo isn’t abt big soft words, he doesn't say the best things. he is a man of action. His care, love & compassion comes so very easily & naturally to him thro actions. This is what yuki meant by saying he’s jealous of kyo. Yuki over thinks his steps & doubt everything before he acts. Kyo acts spontaneously then doubts himself later. He saves the scarf (heart) then tells her directly to buy another one if she feels it’s not clean. He failed to see how this trivial action meant the world to tohru. Tohru smiles lively cuz her heart is back to her.

Why is the scarf scene so important? (aka furuba’s best usage of symbolism yet!)

It symbolizes tohru’s toxic flaw that she must overcome! It represents tohru’s tormented heart over other ppl’s pain with severe neglect to her own problems & issues. Arisa’s love life shouldn’t be tohru’s delima, nor Akito’s complex or Kureno’s or the damned curse. Tohru toxically chooses to bear other burdens’ until they crush her.

Hana can’t come to save tohru from pain each time tohru indulges in it. Tohru must realize her own flaw & grow up beyond this toxic type of kindness. Feel & help others, but don’t use them to escape your pain & don’t indulge in their own struggles & neglect yourself. There is a reason hana’s knowing of tohru’s pain is thro “magical” waves, to symbolize that this can’t become a norm, not real. You can’t depend on magic to grow. I love that!

The white scarf bearing smudges of the tires even after kyo washed it shows that kyo’s love & care can’t magically heal all tohru’s pain. It parallels kyo’s words from se01, ep,24 when he said tohru didn’t heal all his pain, but he feels better simply cuz she stayed by his side. Tohru now is feeling better cuz kyo chose was there for her. Love doesn’t magically heal you, kids! But it sure puts you on the path! Also, this once again adds more depth to the (tohru/kyo) equal give & take dynamics.

This scene deconstruct the image of Tohru represented as an angelic mother throughout 2 seasons. Instead, It paints her as a real flawed girl with much need for growth. Exactly, like how we have learned by now that kyo isn’t a horrible monster nor a prince charming saving the day, but a flawed boy with much need for growth. However, these two push each other forward in a subtle way through daily situations! Excellent writing!!

-Kureno. (aka. who tohru should never become):

The harmful kindness: Kureno is someone who hurts himself & hurt many others (akito, arisa, shigure, & consequently the rest of the zodiacs) by giving the harmful types of kindness to akito, by completely erasing his own needs, desires & living for the sake of someone who would be far better without him. Kureno is who tohru might have become if she selflessly continues fighting solely for the sohma’s sake & trying to break the curse while ignoring her own life. She’ll become as miserable as kureno & the zodiacs will become dependable on her.

The destructive pity: Kureno pities this tormented child (akito) & chooses to stay with her until her tears dry. This pity is destructive cuz it is done while he wishes to be miles away with Arisa & it encourages akito to stay as she is. Look, a child whose mom hates her deserves pity. But an adult woman needs to learn to build relationships based on mutual affection & respect. This talk of pity reminds me of kyo & kagura. Kagura pitied the cat zodiac. The relationship was doomed cuz kyo refuses pity. It doesn’t matter if her pity turned into love later. Kyo doesn’t want that from her or anyone. There is NO equality there. We know tohru came to love kyo for all the times he was there for her & all the times he pushed her to improve, to complain, to want things! she said so in se01, ep, 24. But we also know that young baby tohru pitied the cat when her mom told her the zodiacs story. what if kyo thinks tohru’s affection is pity???? that’s a big NO for him & for every person. I really want tohru to be as far from any kurno’s traits as possible!!!

-Akito, the pitiful woman:

Akito was born a girl, forced to be raised as a boy by her mother’s demands? where is the father?? she was hated by her mother. why? she also hates her mom. (hate your child & they’ll hated you). So, akito is doomed by her mom. Akito tries to prove that she’s loved by the zodiac “she specified the male zodiacs” interesting! we saw how she hates both Isuzu & kisa & doesn’t give a damn abt kagura. This woman, forced to pose as a man, actually desires to be treated as a woman. As for the other zodiacs:

No worries abt hatori leaving cuz he’s 24/7 attending to her health.

Ayame makes tea exclusively for her & hatori.

she thinks Ritsu is too timid to attempt leaving.

Hiro’s a baby, momiji is hated cuz she can’t break him.

Kyo is destined to be locked. but Why she cares abt the cat anyway?? She publicly hates him & feels disgusted by him.

She used to control yuki but can’t anymore.

she uses intimacy to bound those who “can” leave her the most: kurno! & shigure? she sleeps next to shigure in the valentine ep. hatori remarked: don’t let akito catch cold. We saw the sexually charged rage in se02, ep10. So, she isn’t faithful to kureno. They don’t have a relationship. She doesn’t even have a relationship with shigure, either. to her, sex is a tool to tie them both to her?

It is ironic that the person who said she despises woman & accuses Isuzu of seducing hatori is herself seducing others. Except, tragically, kureno isn’t with her for herself, but cuz he pities her. We saw her slapping & embracing him. Next scene; her bare shoulders & his unbuttoned shirt clearly implies they got intimate which is what akito does to feel secure in kureno not leaving her. Kureno is not even interested in her despite submitting to her advances, needs & orders. He does it out of pity. Truly the most tragic form of physical affection: sex for pity. wow... how tragically pitiful is the abusive ruler of the zodiacs who looms over them & demands respect & eternal bonds. How can she find someone who’ll love her for herself, if she doesn’t learn to show good sides of her? Yuki wasn’t loved for who he is in school, but for being the “prince”, he showed his real character & got himself true friends & soon a lover!!!  Kyo, was feared & pitied for turning into a “monster”, but once he showed his kind & harmless self, he got himself true friends & a girl who loves him for his actual personality! Who will love akito for who she is if she only shows a spoiled child, horrible family head or a pitiful woman? What does shigure love in her? he doesn’t seem to pity her nor pamper her much, does he?  perhaps we’ll know more abt the real akito later.

Side notes:

Akito’s mom reminded me of kyo’s dad. Abused children, who are hated by their parents, don’t let go of the hurt easily. they’ll always try to either get their approval, show them they were worthy of their love, or they’re NOTHING like their parents think they are. eg: Kyo’s biological father’s hate has destroyed kyo. Kyo have kazuma & tohru & he still wonder why they love him. It took kyo 17 years to actually promise to call kazuma "dad” one day in se01 finale. You need time to heal the wounds inflected by the ones who should love you the most. Being loved by others doesn’t magically heal you! You need to take few steps forward.

Isuzu is Ren’s clone! finally understanding why the severe hate from akito towards Isuzu. I’ll wait for more Ren/Akito content before analyzing their relationship.

Ren is so sexy. ngl, the scene of the zodiacs touching her belly after she just *conceived* akito is so creepy~ ew! 

Hana picked up tohru first before kyo, cuz this show isn’t exclusive for romantic love as much as it isn’t exclusive for friendship. There is balance. 

Tohru needs her own future, so does Arisa & hana! Learn to accept the limit of what you can do as a friend, tohru.. forever loving furuba for steering away from “friends stay together forever~yay” anime trope! Furuba is abt independent & individual adult life! building your own future! Epic writing!

Forever fascinated by how much the little small ordinary daily life things has really built kyo-tohru love! It feels so real & very uniquely built! Excellent writing!

Arisa is stuck with an adult man trapping himself in the most unnecessary love triangle. Kureno’s cage is self made, no curse. A very sheltered boy/man not living in the real world. Only two options for kureno if he continues this path: he’ll hurt akito, or akito will hurt him. We know the answer from the trailer, don’t we?

Arisa letting go of kuron is growth! Let go & live, girl!

There is a subtle theme of learning to let go in furuba~

Yuki is the biggest kyoru shipper!

Tohru intentionally hitting kyo with scarf’s pon-pon is my fave side of her! intentional flirting shows change from her little girl’s good girl attitude to her own type of a feisty woman! after all, she’s nearly 18!

The way the camera moved when kyo spotted the scarf was so good!

The director is obsessed with flying!! did he work on attack on titans? cuz the Ren-akito flying fight reminded me of Titan Eren strangling Titan Annie in AOT se01 finale! but chibi version! XD. I’m sorry for akito’s pain, but I was distracted by laughing! XD

look, if you plan to dramatize a situation, know your budget & your skills. Obviously, the director knew the scene is badly done, hence, the wide far away, dim lit shot to hide as much as it can. Couldn’t he do without it? let akito strangle her to the ground without flying!

oh well~these over-the-top shots are now a furuba trade mark~ just praying they stick with one weird shot per season.