#and i really needed this because i’ve been so burnt out studying for exams

[hightowres]

cannot believe i experienced the eras tour today

[shady-lemur]

ooooh dom!abby x reader with a demanding work life (maybe a trade of some sort) who wants to come home and be taken care of instead of taking care of everyone else (smut obvi but maybe some angst/drama perhaps 🫣)

oh my god can we get married pls. i love u. i hope you like this, i kinda rushed it at the end and smut isn’t my strong suit but i had to do this prompt!

content warning : smut, a little bit of angst, fighting, two cuties!!

minors do not interact!!

you were fucking exhausted. working on cars for 8 hours straight with no lunch because your coworker can’t do his job made you ready to cuddle up with your wife and put in a movie!! you were finally home! ready to relax and let off some steam.

you unlock the door to your apartment and sigh at the cool air-conditioned air. “abs? you home?”

you hear an answer and smile, walking into your shared room to find her studying for her upcoming exam. what a hard working medical student!! “hi angel. how was work?” she smiles and pushes her chair out enough for you to give her a kiss.

“fucking terrible. i just need a shower and eat, maybe we can cook that steak together tonight.”

abby looks back down at her notebook and gives you an apologetic smile. “sorry baby.. i really have to get this done, i ran out of time earlier to-”

you scoff slightly and dropped your bag on your bed before cutting her sentence off. “abby. i thought you were gonna get that done this morning so we could have a night together.”

she sighs and puts her pen down. “every night is a night together.. ”

“are you fucking kidding? abby i’ve been looking forward to tonight all week. it’s literally the only thing that was keeping me sane.” you’re starting to tear up. all the stress and frustration from work bubbling over. when abby notices she gets up and goes to comfort you but you push her away.

“whatever abigail. i don’t even care. i don’t know why i’m fucking crying. i’ll just get some takeout of some shit.”

abby furrows her eyebrows and laughs. “abigail? it’s that serious to you? you’re not the only one who hasn’t caught a fucking break. working and going to school full time is hard!! not that you’d know.” you’re scowl falls at you sit in shock for a second before grabbing your bag again and storming out of the room. “i’m going to my sister’s house. maybe you should think about who pays your fucking rent to make your life 5x easier before calling me.”

abby tries to say something else but you’re out of the apartment before she can get anything out.

————————————————————————

the next couple days were tense. you had come back from your sister’s house but you barely talked to your fiancé. just making small talk and giving each other pecks on the cheek before leaving for work or getting home from class. abby was afraid to say anything because sometimes she talks before she thinks. you didn’t say anything because you were embarrassed that you let so much emotion from your job pour into your relationship.

tonight you worked an hour of overtime and you were sore and tired and stressed out. all you needed was some tlc!! but of course this is the week that you and abby were silently fighting….

you unlock the door and drop your bag and take off your shoes before making a b-line for the shower. but something stops you. the sight of a set table with two plates. steak, potatoes, and some greens. with a bottle of wine and fresh flowers in the middle of the table. you feel the tears already coming… jesus christ. then you hear a quiet “shit!” from the kitchen.

“abby?” you ask before seeing abby in a cute apron holding her finger while looking down at a pie tin. you laugh slightly and walk over to her. “what happened?”

she frowns, “i burnt my finger.. i also think i made the filling wrong. i tried to follow your recipe but..”

you smile at her and pull her in for a kiss. she lets out a surprised moan but immediately kisses you back, taking off her silly oven mitt so she can bring your body closer to her. you pull away and laugh. she brushes your hair out of your face and smiles. “i’m sorry angel. i said some really stupid shit and i didn’t mean it. i was just ashamed for putting off studying and i got defensive.”

you nod and smile at her, eyes still tearing up. “i’m sorry too. i should’ve heard you out more at first before getting upset. work has been beating my ass lately and i think i’m just needing some extra support right now.”

abby nods and kisses you again before leading you to the table. “well how about we start with some dinner? then you can take a nice shower and we can do whatever you want for the rest of the night.” you sniff and nod, giving her one more kiss before sitting down!

“this smells delicious oh my god.”

————————————————————————

“the waters warm now angel. you’re so beautiful.” she watches as you strip out of your work clothes and you giggle at her blatant staring. “are you not coming in with me?”

abby perks up like a fucking puppy when you say that and starts to take off her clothes as you get in the shower. she’s in not even three seconds after you. you laugh as she pulls you closer. “can’t believe i was so stupid.. you’re so perfect.”

you shake your head and turn to look at her, “shut up!! you’re the smartest person i’ve ever met. gonna be the best doctor.” abby shushes you and smiles, “this is no time to flatter me. this is your night.”

abby starts to kiss your jaw as she slinks her arms around your waist. the hot water coming down to you making you even more comfortable in her arms. “abs-“

she smiles and nips at your neck before pulling away, “is this what you want? we can just shower instead-“

you cut her off with a passionate kiss, “please abby. don’t wanna stop.”

she smirks at you and goes back in for a kiss, pining you against the shower wall while you whine into her mouth. she bites your bottom lip and smiles into the kiss when you yelp in surprise. her tongue explores your mouth while her knee slots between your legs.

you take hold of her hair when her thigh makes contact with where you need her most. “please-“

your hips buck, making your clit drag across her skin beautifully. you whine and wrap your arms around her neck as she moves down to suck on your neck. her hands move down to guide your hips against her bare thigh. groaning at the sounds coming from your mouth. abby wishes she could record them and make them her ringtone, mostly to remind everyone around her that she has the most amazing girl in the world.

“abby.. need you so bad.” your breath hitches as she bites a particularly sensitive area next to your ear. she smiles and looks at your face. your eyes shut and your mouth slightly open as you focus on getting yourself off. abby gently forces you to look at her and smiles at you as she stops your movements.

“what do you want baby?”

your face heats up as you pout at her. “abby.. do i have to say it?”

she laughs and nods, “cmon angel, you can do it. it’s your night.”

“i… want your tongue” you whisper. usually that wouldn’t satisfy abby but you needed her so badly!! how could she wait any longer? she lowers herself onto her knees and rubs your hips gently as she kisses the skin of your stomach and thighs. “beautiful girl. my beautiful beautiful girl.”

you cover your face in embarrassment but abby gives you a light smack on the thigh. “eyes on me baby. there’s no need to be embarrassed.”

you open your eyes and nod, just trying to get her to touch you asap!!

abby lets out the prettiest moan when she connect with your cunt, giving your clit kitten licks before sucking on it. you let out a shaky breath and bring your hand to her hair, trying to stabilize yourself. “fuck, abby..”

you feel her fingers sneak up to your cunt while she draws shapes around your clit with her tongue, sometimes flattening it against your pussy just to hear your surprised moan. you have to stop yourself from screaming when her fingers plunge into your pussy.

“fuck baby. calm down.” abby lets out a shaky breath, your cunt is squeezing her fingers so good! she’s so wet :(

you shake your head as you watch her. “abby- ‘m gonna cum..”

she smiles at your slick and meets your eyes. “go ahead baby.”

the knot in your stomach tightens at her words before it breaks. she keeps fucks you through it until you’re finally calmed down. your chest is rising and falling rapidly with your breaths.

abby puts a stop to her movements and smiles at you. she kisses your thigh before giving your cunt one last kiss and rising from her knees. “open your mouth angel.” you do as she says and she sticks her two fingers in, watching as you suck your own cum off them. “such a dirty girl.” she teases you as you whine. you’re getting wet all over again!!

she lets her fingers free with a ‘pop!’ and gives you a kiss before running her hands up and down your sides, stopping at your ass.

“what should we do now? you ready for a movie?”

you shake your head and smile at her, “i’m ready for your strap.”

abby laughs and stops the water in the shower. “that’s my fucking girl.”

————————————————————————

that night was amazing. not only was it the best dick you’ve ever had but it was also a turning point in your relationship!! abby never missed a date night ever again and you started being more open with your emotions and needs, leading to wayyy more ‘i’m sorry you had a bad day’ sex.

[etherealyoungk]

hello idk of you’re accepting requests lately but if you do can you make a comfort fic about jeonghan? I’ve been stressed with backlogs and also reviewing for my upcoming exams this week😞 I really appreciate it if you do :3 Thank you in advance <33

hello anon! so sorry for getting to this late. i hope you see this and it cheers you up a bit! hope you're doing well, take care <3

you were panicking and nervous. and because you had alot of backlogs and catching up to do, you were even more stressed. you were trying to catch up on your lectures and you before you know it, it's late and you're still in front of your laptop as you take notes.

your table was a mess of notebooks and sheets of paper, and printouts, pens, pencils, markers. you were really trying to study as much as possible even though it was starting to stress you out and it was taking a toll on your now.

you're trying to solve a practice question but the words are just a blur of letters, nothing processing in your head. it was late and you were tired but you weren't letting yourself rest or sleep until you managed to solve this problem. your eyes get blurry and tears roll down your cheeks.

you almost don't hear your apartment door open, signaling that jeonghan had come and you try your best to wipe away your tears but he's already peeking his head in your room.

"baby i got some snacks for you", he says, holding up the bag of goodies. you don't turn around, sniffling and that's enough for jeonghan to know. he set the bag down on the floor and walks up to you, turning your chair as he looks at you. his face falls upon seeing your tear stricken cheeks.

"y/n...", he says. he lifts you up from the chair and guides you to the bed before wiping your tears with his thumb. "stupid exams", you mumble. "how long have you been studying, did you take breaks?", he asks. you shake your head indicating a no and he gives you a small look of disapproval.

"baby, you'll stress and get burnt out then hm", he tells. you don't say anything and crash into his arms and he pulls you closer, hugging you. you sniffle and just bury your head in his chest. he rubs your back gently to soothe you.

"i think you've studied enough for today, no more looking at your textbooks or laptop", he tells. "but i-" you start only for him to give you a look. "let's continue tomorrow okay, rest, you need it", he tells with genuine concern. he'll feed you with snacks and food and make sure you were relaxing for the rest of the day and shower you with affection.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Thank You

If you’ll permit me a minute to be cliche: this photo would not have been possible without you. When I started university in August 2019, the sum of all my author-y potential measured up to:

No finished manuscripts

A pipe dream of ever publishing my work

A scatterbrained outline of The Laoche Chronicles

Forty-four phone notes full of half-witted ideas

A grand total of 3 followers on my brand-new tumblr account

At the time, I had no grand plans of marketing my work, though I knew it would be necessary if I ever wanted an audience. I chose a degree in chemical engineering because I knew my baby platform and half finished stories weren’t going to cut it as a career in their current state as an 18-year-old, and I needed to have a day job if I wanted to pursue my end dream of self publishing. I was just hoping to survive my first year of engineering school, pass my weed-out classes, and hopefully make some new friends. That fall semester passed with sporadic progress on my book, and halfhearted attempts at breaking into the writeblr community, until I decided to try my hand at Inktober and made my first few acquaintances: @siarven and @abalonetea, who have both featured on this blog since then. It was also at this point, sometime during a Calculus III lecture, that I invented my pen name:

All was going well, and I was pleased with my incremental progress until the world ended.

The less said about the pandemic, the better. Writeblr truly kept me sane through working full-time jobs and taking 18 credit hours during the semester. When I was truly close to dropping out of school, I kept going, knowing I had these online friends to cheer me up after brutal exams and long nights of studying. The tag games and community filled the dearth of interaction left by quarantine and an insane schedule. During my summer internship in 2020, I finally had the time to finish the first draft of Storge and the confidence in myself to start a website. Rereading my first post is a surreal experience, in part because I still see myself as a little kid as hiding under the blankets with a flashlight, notebook, and pen, thinking “I wanna write a book!”

I woke up the next day crying to the sheer volume of kind messages congratulating me on meeting this milestone. Instead of feeling burnt out after reaching such a lofty goal, this gave me all the more energy to keep working. Since then, I’ve been so blessed to grow this community and this website. It’s incredible to see how far I’ve come, now being able to claim:

A finished manuscript of Storge

A 3rd draft of Runaways after going through 2 rounds of Beta Readers

8 short stories and an audio drama

An active mailing list

Over 1000 followers on tumblr, but more importantly, a thriving community of writers who support each other’s releases through ARCs, leaving reviews, enthusiastic questions, and a welcoming space for new writers to share their craft.

140 posts on my website and regular readers who care about my ramblings ❤

Now I’m on my way to my new job – I’ll be doing research and development in my chosen field with a team I really like, and the freedom to listen to books while I’m in the lab. This next month will still be a hiatus for blog posts and new writing as I pack up my life for a cross-states move, but I’m beyond excited to enter change. My hope is that I can start saving for editing costs and devote more time to my craft thanks to a 9-5 schedule and NO!!! HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!! Really, I cannot say enough how thrilled I am to never have to take another exam ever again, thank GOD. With a bit of luck and no small amount of grace, I hope I can publish and share my stories with you sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all the support and camaraderie these past years. In a way, I owe this diploma to you as much as to my classmates and professors. The night before graduation, I said to my friends, “I’ve been waiting for tomorrow for eight years.” Now I’m living in the future, and I can’t wait to write the next chapter.

[saragrekey]

little art chat before I go to sleep… this is nothing important just a thought dump/update/blogpost idk

So we’re a little over a week into my junior year of college and as expected! I don’t want to do my schoolwork I just want to draw lol.

When I first started my whole -drawing everyday to improve- thing last summer, I was just drawing pinterest faces, so I’d spend 30 minutes in the morning doing a sketch and that would fill my quota for the day. Now that I’m learning how to draw from imagination, my goals are so much more lofty and I have a lot more to practice. Which is been so fun!

But maybe too fun!

I’m struggling to pull my focus away from drawing. This was already an issue during the summer when I didn’t have many responsibilities, and now I obviously have a lot more on my plate. And I just cannot bring myself to focus on school.

Which is something I’ve struggled with for awhile, I’m just completely burnt out of the cycle of working at maximum capacity and pulling all nighters for an exam or critique over and over again. I’m just very over it, lol, but on the same note, I have such deep rooted anxiety about getting in trouble for not having my work or getting a bad grade. So you can see the predicament I’m in!

Idk. I’m not very smart or gifted when it comes to school but I got good grades in high school without having to study, so I just never figured out how to really learn and study correctly. Every assignment, lesson, exam is just a task to be completed, not building upon a collection of knowledge. Why would I review the course a little bit each day when I can cram it all the night before the exam and get the same grade? /j

A lot of it is of course just skills I gotta develop. I definitely need to improve my discipline and time management.

This was not meant to be about school lol. But all that to say, I just can’t seem to care about my homework, and improving my art is infinitely more important to me. But that’s obviously not how it works. I have that thing where I crave routine but can’t stick to one. I daydream about having a super nice organized routine where I can fit a couple hours of practice here and enough time for homework and maybe a little time for video games every once and awhile. I miss video games.

Hopefully I’ll find my footing as we progress through the semester. If you see me start talking about doing any kind of inktober, yell at me bc I definitely don’t have time for it 😭

I’ve not posted any art in awhile! I have been going through a bit of a rusty patch, kinda from school disrupting my life and also I got sick this weekend so I didn't really draw at all. I think the current stage I'm at is really committing what I've learned this summer to memory, to kinda have this basic style to draw from. Because it's like, I have the knowledge but if I don't reinforce it I will forget lol. My next big focus is I want to improve on expressions and overall adding more character to my sketches. I feel like rn a lot of my drawings just look like dolls.

All this to say, I did not do my accounting homework I drew Amphibia fanart instead lol. Here’s a time skip Marcy doodle for reading. It’s actually a few weeks old but I really like it, I feel like the 3-dimensionality of her face is right.

Ok bye love u have a good day!!

[nordic-language-love]

Language Learning Log 2023 Week 22 (29/05 - 04/06)

I’m pretty exhausted today. This week I worked Monday - Saturday (after a one-day weekend) and started trying to build good exercising/eating habits while also getting back into reading and serious JLPT study. No wonder I’m feeling a little burnt out right now 😅 I desperately need to study for the JLPT because I have less than a month until the exam :| And I’m gonna fail at this rate. I still have so much grammar I haven’t even touched, there’s a lot of vocab I’ve not even copied over into my Anki decks (never mind studied/memorised), my reading skills are horrendous and my listening is still more vibes-based than anything.

I did finally get back into reading in Norwegian... a bit. Mostly because I couldn’t bear the thought of studying Japanese on the train yet again 😅 I just needed a change of pace. Can y’all tell I regret signing up for the JLPT? Because I do. I can’t wait for it to be done. It’s been useful for learning new vocabulary but my ability to actually speak Japanese hasn’t really improved at all. If anything, I’ve got worse at speaking, because instead of trying to reinforce the grammar I’ve learned and use it in conversation, I’m just piling on new grammar doing my best to be able to recognise it. Probably should’ve signed up for N5. Oh well, you live and learn.

Any actual progress to report on? Not really. I think I need to spend my days off reviewing the grammar/vocab notes I have stuck to my wardrobe door, replace the ones I don’t need/use with ones that will be beneficial. I also need to spend my days off sleeping. I’m so fucking tired, y’all. I feel like I could sleep for a week and not be caught up.

[medicalschoolromantic]

IM on to Surgery

My Internal Medicine (IM) shelf exam went well, I got an A by the skin of my teeth but an A it was. Now im on to surgery and here we go again with a whole new set of problems. The attitude from surgeons hasnt really been an issue, but its the lack of communication thats driving me crazy. Because their schedules alternate so much and they dont communicate these things to the students, I’ve found myself changing from my regular scrubs to surgical scrubs to clinical clothes (business casual clothing)...Three changes in a day? Thats a bit excessive, and unfortunately necessary since some attendings dont want you seeing patients looking “unprofessionally”. Im sure if scrubs are good enough for inpatient patients they should be fine for those coming into clinic...scrubs are synonymous with physicians and hospitals. Apparently it does get harder as you move up in the specialties but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Im just still very burnt out from my IM rotation and find myself putting in less of an effort in this one. I have to remind myself that studying needs to be done, no matter how slow, because we really are almost there.

[the-storming-sea]

For prompts: Todoroki using every single Toshi-Izuku interaction to add to his "Izuku is All Might's secret love child' conspiracy board

Tfw its been like two to three days but Many Things have happened in that time. Oops

Uh, anyways–

"Dude. What. The. Fuck."

Sero, Kirishima, and Yaoyorozu stared, wide-eyed and nearly slack-jawed from the futon they currently sat at. Across from them, hanging off the wall was a large pinboard, polaroid pictures and newspapers articles with certain words and pictures circled in with bright red marker tacked onto different places, red string connecting each and every single one of those pictures together.

And in front of that pinboard stood Todoroki Shouto, one of the most powerful students at UA, son of the current Number One Hero, wide-eyed and wild-haired and probably, by definition, out of his fucking mind.

"Listen. I'm not crazy–"

"Literally everything that's happening now is providing evidence to the contrary."

"–but All Might is Midoriya's father."

"That's." Kirishima blinked, once, his brain attempting to process what his classmate was saying. "What?"

"All Might. Is. Midoriya's. Father," Todoroki said, slower, like he was trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler. Or to anyone.

"Todoroki, All Might's never been in a public relationship before," Yaoyorozu replied, slower. Of all of Todoroki's eccentricities, this had to be the weirdest one yet. "Not to mention, all of All Might's speculated relationships have been with men."

"Then at least one of his partners is trans, or he's trans!"

"They don't even look the same!"

"Then Midoriya gets his looks from his mother! They have the same quirk! They practically act the same!" Todoroki threw his hands up in exasperation, frost creeping on the side of his fingers. "I'm still right!"

"Bro, you've met Midoriya's mother."

"Artificial insemination! Adoption! Again, secret love child!"

Todoroki slapped his hand on the board, slightly burning the edges of one of the newspaper clippings. "Look, see here," he said, pointing to the clipping. Kirishima tentatively walked up, squinting at the headline. "Read this."

"'Mystery Samaritans Found Cleaning Up Takoba Beach.'" Kirishima frowned. "So?"

Sero's eyes brightened. "Oh, I remember that! I used to go to the beach all the time with my family," he said. "What's that gotta do with anything?"

"Look at this photo!"

Kirishima turned his eyes towards the photo, frowning. His eyes widened in shock.

"Holy shit, is that Midoriya?"

"Huh, so it is," Yaoyorozu said. "And...is that...?"

"YES!" Todoroki exclaimed, once again slapping his hand on the pinboard and startling his friends. "All Might, as he currently looks now, and Midoriya found at Takoba beach a full year before the school year starts. That means they knew each other before the school year started!"

"You repeated yourself."

"I know I know I know but why," Todoroki pressed, taking a deep breath, "why would All Might, in his weakened state before Kamino, be seen with Midoriya unless...unless that was his secret son."

He clapped his hands together just as he was finishing his point, clearly pleased by his argument. The three stared back at him, slightly alarmed.

"Or...maybe he just met him recently and they decided to clean the beach together," Yaoyorozu said tentatively. "It could happen."

"Or, or they decided to train for Midoriya's UA Exam together by lifting appliances at the beach! Or working out around the beach a year before!" he protested. "My father used to make me train by lifting up heavy objects ten times my size and pushing my quirk before the UA exam too!"

Sero frowned. "Todo, I know good parenting is a foreign concept to you, but comparing your relationship with your dad to Midoriya and All Might maybe isn't the best of ideas."

"I'm pretty sure Iida used to train with his hero brother in a very normal way," Todoroki nearly fucking pouted. The guy was really fired up– metaphorically and a little bit literally, judging by his floor. "But, but anyway, what I'm trying to say was that All Might, trying to make sure Midoriya would be strong enough for the entrance exam, made him clean up the beach because he was helping to train his son!"

Kirishima stared at him. "Bro."

"I'm right! Not to mention, why would he be in his thinner state around Midoriya if he wasn't his son?!"

"Maybe he told him about the weakened form back then by accident?" Sero said. "Todoroki, seriously. You're looking too deep into this."

"I agree," Yaoyorozu said. She loved her friend, truly, but as good as it was for Todoroki to exhibit any other emotion besides confusion and rage, this couldn't be healthy for him.

Todoroki groaned. "Okay, okay, fine. Exhibit B!" He pointed to a picture of All Might and Midoriya walking into All Might's office. "They eat lunch together! Who does that with a teacher?!"

Kirishima hummed. "Okay, I'll give you that one," he said, looking back at the others. "You gotta admit, that is a little suspicious."

"You forget, Midoriya broke his bones a lot at the beginning of the year just by activating his quirk," Yaoyorozu said, calmly. "As the Heroics teacher, All Might would want to make sure they can find a way for Midoriya to improve his quirk use without breaking his bones, so it would make sense for All Might to meet up with Midoriya out of class."

"But why continuously?!" Todoroki pressed. "Even after Midoriya got a handle of his quirk?!"

Yaoyorozu frowned. "Well, Bakugo meets with them now. Is Bakugo All Might's son too?"

"Details, details," Todoroki said with a wave of his hand. "Bakugo's practically Midoirya's boyfriend anyways. All Might probably wants to vet him or something."

"Somehow I believe that less than your 'All Might is Midoriya's dad' theory."

"They're going to get together, just you wait," Todoroki said. "Anyways, back to business. It's not just at school too! Even now that we're in the dorms, lately All Might will eat with Midoriya, alone, just the two of them!"

He pointed to another picture of Midoriya and All Might eating meat buns on a bench, no one else in sight, lightly chatting. "See! It would make sense if All Might ate with any one of us, or if there was a bigger crowd, but it's just those two! That's a normal parenting thing, right?"

"Dude how did you even get that picture."

"Irrelevant."

Yaoyorozu ran her eyes over the full board again, wincing internally. As...off-putting as her friend's efforts were, he did have a point. All Might's actions towards Midoriya were unprecedented of a teacher, Aizawa would certainly never be caught dead with any of them. And sure, they simply could be good friends who met a little before the Takoba news article picture, friends could be of all ages after all, but with the way All Might treated Midoriya daily, it was getting more and more likely that Todoroki's theory was correct. Which had some very interesting implications and also a media shitstorm on its way if it was true.

"And," Todoroki continued, now rambling as fast as Midoriya was, "did you know that All Might visited the Midoriya's to talk about the dorm system alone?"

Kirishima's mouth dropped. "Seriously?"

Todoroki nodded, eyes wide and a small smile on his face. "Aizawa-sensei told us himself back when he asked my father if I could stay in the dorms! My father asked where All Might was and Aizawa-sensei told him that they split up right before the Midoriya's!"

Sero's eyes widened. "Okay, I will admit that that's weird."

"I know right?!" Todoroki exclaimed, out of breath and restlessly pacing the floor. "Not only that, but All Might was one of the first people Midoriya texted right after he got his hero license. And Midoriya ended up interning with a hero who All Might knows directly and worked with Nighteye during his work-study who's All Might's only sidekick! And then Midoriya was invited personally to I-Island by All Might! And–"

Knock knock.

The group froze.

"Young Todoroki? Can I speak with you?"

Fuck.

Todoroki tentatively walked over to his door, opening it just enough to find All Might standing behind it, a worried expression on his face. "Are you all alright? The kids downstairs reported a lot of yelling, and I think you may have frozen and burnt through your floor?"

Todoroki looked back at his floor, which now looked slightly more like the training room back home than it did his dorm room. "Right. I can pay for that."

"No need my boy, just make sure it doesn't happen again or I think Aizawa'll have all of our heads," All Might chuckled. He then frowned, slightly opening the door more. "What on Earth is that?"

His eyes were pointed directly behind Todoroki, to the pinboard the high schooler had been deliriously gesturing towards for the past few minutes. Kirishima, Sero, and Yaoyorozu stared at each other awkwardly, shuffling their feet.

"Um...well, y'see–"

"All Might, is Midoriya your illegitimate child?"

The air paused. Everyone turned their eyes to the teen.

All Might blinked. "I'm sorry...what?"

WHAT THE FUCK, TODOROKI?!

"Todoroki, bro, you can't just ask shit like that!" Kirishima exclaimed, who now, like the many people around him, was going through all the stages of grief. "That's not one of those things you can just ask people!"

Todoroki tilted his head. "I asked Midoriya."

"YOU ASKED MIDORIYA?!"

"I–"

The kids now directed their attention back to All Might, who had managed to shake himself out of his stupor and somehow made his way to the pinboard. "I'm not...young Todoroki, believe me when I say I'm 100% sure I'm not Midoriya's biological father," he said, rapidly glancing back and forth from the board to Todoroki. "As...creepily impressive as this is," he continued, gesturing to the entirety of the board, "I've never had a child, and besides, young Midoriya's biological father works overseas, in America."

He pointed to the slightly burnt newspaper clipping of Takoba beach, looking back at Todoroki. "Is this about the Takoba beach cleaning?"

Todoroki nodded.

"Huh." All Might turned to the clipping, a strange, soft, thoughtful look on his face. "I didn't know they did a report about it." He turned back to Todoroki. "May I keep this?"

Todoroki nodded again, even slower, and a delighted smile appeared on All Might's face. The four students watched with wide eyes as he took the newspaper clipping in one hand and the pin in between his other fingers, gently lifting the pin from where it had been embedded in the pin board, lifting the newspaper clipping from its place, and placing the pin back where he had found it. Seconds passed. All Might rubbing his thumb over the picture in the newspaper with a soft chuckle. He then gently folded it, each crease careful not to tear the newspaper apart, before placing it in the pocket of his tracksuit.

Then, as if he remembered that there were other people in the room, he turned to Todoroki. "Ah, Aizawa-kun said that you had redecorated your room yourself, yes?"

Todoroki nodded, still stunned. "Perfect! The bots will be up here in a few minutes or so to repair your floor, and then refurbish your room any way you see fit." All Might clapped his hands together, a bright smile on his face. "Just try not to do it as much, alright? And please stop stalking young Midoriya and I. I don't know how many times I can catch you in the act before telling him that one of his best friend's have been stalking us to obtain proof of our non-existant biological relationship."

"You saw me?"

"Young Todoroki, I've been the number one hero for three and a half decades."

"Oh." Todoroki frowned. "Sorry."

"Just don't let it happen again, please." All Might took a heavy sigh before finally addressing the others in the room. "Young Kirishima, Yaoyorozu, and Sero, I'll be seeing you in class tomorrow. Plus Ultra!"

"See you!"

"See you tomorrow All Might!"

All Might left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Todoroki, Kirishima, Sero, and Yaoyorozu in the room, waiting for the repair bots to arrive, silent and bewildered with what had just transpired in the past ten minutes. The four of them couldn't move, only the sound of breathing being proof that any of them were even alive. After what felt like several, long, painstaking seconds, Todoroki turned to his friends.

"Y'know, All Might worked in America for a while."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, TODOROKI."

[greenstudies]

March favourites

Season 4

I love making these and yet I keep forgeting to write them somehow. Just pretend April has just begun and this is on time.

Self care:

Yoga - I actually like yoga now? Who would have thought I’m not too cool for yoga after all

Sitting in the sun - I already got burnt but hey... everything comes at a price

Blogs and channels:

@a-students-lifebuoy - A studyblr I’ve discovered recently and I’m enjoying very much

Markiplier - IN SPACE!

UnJaded Jade - Jade’s content is somewhere between studytube and mental health youtube and I’ve been enjoying her content a lot lately

Crushes of the month:

Gillian Anderson - I ran out of excuses on why she’s always listed. She just is. And always will be

Charlie Cox - Look! New person! Can you believe that. I’ve grown as a simp person this month

Shows:

Adventure Time - I love coming back to it any time I’m having a bad day (and not gonna lie... I’ve been watching a lot lately)

Friends - Pretty much an alternative to Adventure Time

Daredevil - I recently discovered it and I’M IN LOVE. I want to hug Matt Murdock and kick his ass for every bad decision he makes at the same time but either way I’m quite passionate about it

Music and podcasts:

Boyfriend Dove Cameron - I’ve been listening to this song so much I feel like I’m obligated to mention it

Distractible - At some point I realised I’m many episodes behind so I’m pretty much binging it now

Books:

Priory of the Orange Tree Samantha Shannon - I finally got back into reading and I’m in the middle of this AMAZING story. I have a hard time putting it down (unfortunately I’ll have to for a bit now that exam time is coming). I’ll update you when I finish it

Games:

The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - To be honest it took me a bit to get really into it because I always need to get used to a game before I can properly relax while playing but now I’m officially obsessed. I reward myself with a moment of playing almost every day after studying

What did you enjoy this month?

[realcube]

comfort with the haikyuu!! boys hcs 💝

characters: kenma, bokuto, ushijima, tsukishima, akaashi

thanks to anon for the request (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

ALL AGED UP! (no mature themes though) (i just like the post-timeskip domestic dynamics)

tw// hurt! reader, swearing, mentions of death, fluff, angst if you squint

Kenma Kuzome

bb has cat senses so he can tell when you’re sad

he can also tell bc you do the exact same thing he does when he’s sad, which is cuddle underneath blankets in bed, play animal crossing and blare lo-fi music to conceal your faint sobs

so when he walks into your shared room and notices you wrapped up in blankets on the bed, he does his best to suppress a snicker whicH HE FEELS SO BAD FOR HAVING IN THE FIRST PLACE

like he knows you’re sad but a part of his mind is just like ‘heh, (y/n) burrito.’ like you just look sO FKN CUTE!!

anyway, the first thing he always does when you’re down is approach you on the bed, sneak under the blankets and join to you to become a (y/n) & kenma burrito 

also, he might turn the speaker off depending on how loud the music is lol but if it’s at an okay volume then he’ll just leave it on and vibe with you for a bit as he desperately wracks his brain, trying to come up with something reassuring to say 

you usually comes up with the something basic like, ‘what’s wrong?’ but i mean, you don’t really mind - at least he’s making an effort and you know it must be difficult for him to think of things to say lol

depending on how sad you are, you might just tell him straight-up what happened or you might text him bc you don’t think you’ll be able to choke out an answer without bursting into tears again

then he’ll ask you if you want to be alone and act accordingly 

assuming that you say ‘no’ bc you want his presence, he’ll just recollect on the last time you comforted him while he was down and mimic it tbh

..you always comfort him so well 🥺 and whenever you console him, he always feels so much better so he just thought that maybe if he imitates you, then it’ll work just as well

so he started off by resting his head on your shoulder and whispering kind things in your ear just like you did to him, ‘you know i love you, right?’ , ‘i hope you feel better soon’, ‘do you want me to bring you some food?’

he’ll seriously do everything in his power to make sure that you’re as comfortable as possible 

and he’ll stay as a (y/n) & kenma burrito until you feel better or until the sun rises  ( *^-^)ρ(*╯^╰)

Kōtarō Bokuto

i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again - he’s such an empath and so overdramatic

so when he comes home from work and you don’t run up to the door to give him hugs & kisses- he’s about to burst into tears himself

so he sulks up to your room now IMAGINE HOW SHOCKED HE IS WHEN HE WALKS IN TO SEE YOU CRYING UNDER THE BLANKETS

emo-mode engaged :(

his hair deflates as he pounces on you and wails, ‘(Y/N)! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! ARE YOU OKAY?! WHO HURT YOU?!’ (ಥ _ ಥ)

and the bitch dives on you while you are under the blanket, essentially scaring and suffocating you 

‘bokuto, get off me!’ you shrieked, wriggling out of his grip and out from under the blanket

 when he notices you had escaped the blanket with tear-stained cheeks, he felt even worse 

he threw himself into your arms, howling, ‘(Y/N)!! I AM SO SORRY!’

at this point all the blood had rushed to your head and you had kinda forgotten that you were sad for a moment or two

‘bo! you should know you’re own strength by now.’ you muttered, rubbing the underneaths off your puffy eyes

‘I KNOW!’ he wailed once more, burying his face into the crook of your neck

you sighed while rubbing his back, unable to supress a slight giggle, ‘bokuto..’ 

there was ages of silence between the two of you before he pulled away to look you in the eyes and asked, ‘(y/n), why were you crying before i got here?’

you’d explain the issue to him and he’d do everything in his power to solve it because the way he sees it, why should he try console you when he can just fix the variable that’s making you sad in the first place?

like, if you were just fired from your job, he’ll go full karen and he will call corporate to demand for your job back if you don’t stop him

or if your loved one died, he’ll become a fkn medium or study resurrection

or if you’re just stressed from exams/tests, he’ll just be like ‘why do you need to go to uni anyway?’

‘so i can get a qualification.’

‘why do you need that?’

‘so i can apply for a job.’

‘why do you need a job?’

‘so i can make money, so i don’t starve.’

‘you can have my money!’

you couldn’t help but chuckle at how much life-experience bokuto had, yet he will still so naïve; honestly, you couldn’t even tell if he was joking or not. ‘what if we break up?-”

“DON’T SAY THAT!” he gasped, instinctively tightening his grip on you

Wakatoshi Ushijima

both you and ushijima’s pride did not allow y’all to cry in front of one another 

if you ever had to cry, you’d just run to the bathroom, lock the door, turn on the tap to drown out the sound of your sobs and just let it all out

and if he ever had to cry, he’d just do it in the shower

but like- you both knew when the other one had been crying because of their puffy, damp eyes but you both mutually agreed to not mention it

i mean, up until now y’all had both been able to flourish in the relationship while dealing with emotions on your own so why bother changing?

and if anything, you both felt more comfortable crying to yourselves

 that was, until today

you had cracked under the pressure of your job - you were simply sitting at your desk in the study room, doing some work then it all just came crashing down

ushijima had just stepped out of the shower in his towel and was currently wandering around the house in search of you, to inform you that he ran out of shampoo so it would be greatly appreciated if you were to add it to the shopping list 

but when he entered the study to see you sitting there by your computer, bawling you eyes out..he froze

like he had to do a whole double-take bc he wasn’t sure if he was seeing this correctly

your face was buried in your hands so you didn’t notice him at first but then you heard him awkwardly clear his throat from the doorway and your neck immediately jerked to look at him

it was quite embarrassing for the both of you, ngl

like he was standing there half-naked, staring into your red eyes in hopes that what he saw was just a hallucination

after what felt like hours of deafening silence, ushijima broke it by muttering under his breath, ‘uh, is everything okay?’

‘everything is fine, toshi.’ you replied, forcing a bright smile onto your face as you went back to typing, ‘did you come down here to tell me somethi--’

‘i can tell that there is something wrong.’ he stated, walking towards you while using one had to hold his towel in place and draping the other over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. ‘do you want to tell me?’

you let out a long sigh, resting your cheek against his chest while still staring at the many tabs you had open on your desktop 

but ushijima quickly fixed that by taking your chin in-between his thumb and index finger, then turning your face to look up at him, 

‘work?’ he hummed his assumption

‘yeah.’ you mumbled, quite surprised at how understanding he was being

but then again, ushijima obviously knows what it feels like to be overworked and burnt out too, so he was able to provide a lot of empathy in that sense

Kei Tsukishima

ok a bit of tsukki slander but i feel like tsukishima would make it worse WEILUBRGBE

wait no well, he doesn’t make it worse but he doesn’t make it better either

like he’ll walk into the living room and see you curled up under a blanket on the couch, lightly sobbing from underneath- and he honestly doesn’t know how to act

this is the first time he’s seen you cry bc usually y’all keep your emotions to yourselves - you’re both v independent like that （￣︶￣)

anyway, mans thinks he can just tease the sadness out of you 🙄

‘awh, is my little couch goblin feeling sad?’ he said shakily, clearly intimidated by your figure lying on the couch, and you could tell he was nervous per his use of the nickname ‘couch goblin’

‘‘TSUKISHIMA, FUCK OFF!’ you barked, hastily wiping away your tears and clinging to blanket to prevent him from pulling it away, as the last thing you wanted him to see was your weary figure just so he could tease you about it 

‘bitch, i live here.’ he hissed, rubbing the back of his neck - feeling rather conflicted

on one hand, you seemed serious when you asked him to leave; plus, the last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable by staying when you’re already sad

but on the other hand, he genuinely wanted to help

he’d feel bad if he were to just leave his s/o in tears when he could’ve done something to make you feel better 

‘do you really want me to go?’ he asked and for a change, not a hint of mockery or sarcasm was found in his voice

there were several moments of silence until you mumbled from under your blanket, ‘no.’ then proceeded to lift up your arm to allow him to crawl under the blanket and join you

he did so, pulling you against his chest so you could sob lightly against his cotton shirt while being engulfed by warm darkness

‘what could’ve possibly went wrong to make the evilest blanket demon cry?’

‘evilest blanket demon’ - that was definitely a new one, and you’d be lying if you said a small snicker didn’t escape your mouth at how monotonously he was able to deliver such a unique nickname

and after years of being in a relationship with tsukki, you’ve learned to find comfort in these nicknames considering they were a big part of how he expressed love 

in his vocabulary, ‘you’re so annoying.’ is equal to ‘i love you’

so him calling you an ‘evil blanket demon’ was, in his eyes, the highest and most sincere form of flattery

you eventually tell him what happened that made you sad and he just listens 

feel free to ramble on about anything/everything that’s worried you for the last few months bc he’s all ears 

he figured that other than make you dinner and hug you, that was the best thing he could do to help bc he was far from a romantic who’s good with words 

if he tries to console you verbally it would probably come out like ‘uh, don’t cry - i understand what you’re going through, i think, but like- cry if you want. this must be tough for you, to be honest.’

so he just listens to what you have to say and occasionally inputs a lil’ ‘mhm’ or ‘yeah’

he’s probably the most patient with you so you could stay sad on the couch for the next few weeks, as long as you’re eating the meals he delivers to you and you’re staying healthy, he’ll just let you mope until you feel better tbh

Keiji Akaashi

boyfie material right here

i’m hardly an akaashi simp but he’s probably the best at comforting you while you’re sad tbh

because he’s literally been dealing with bokuto and his emo-mode for god-knows how long so he’s very good with reassuring people😌

also, i just know that this man can detect emotions so well- evEN THROUGH TEXT ISTG

he’d text you the usual ‘goodnight ❤’

and you’ll quickly wipe away your tears that were blurring your vision to reply ‘goodnight 💕’ 

then he’ll deadass text back like ‘i’m coming over. what’s wrong?’

HE JUST KNOWS!! don’t question it bc he doesn’t even have a logical answer lol

anyway, he’ll arrive and immediately begin with the reassurance before you even tell him what’s wrong 

‘you’re coping so well, (y/n).’

‘i’m so proud and i love you so much.’

‘is there anything i can do to make you feel better?’

‘would you like a hug?’

‘you’re beautiful, (y/n). i hope you know that.’

‘do you want me to get you ice-cream?’

a king- 👑

also, you weren’t embarrassed to cry in front of him either bc you had seen him cry before 

plus, y’all both established at the very beginning of the relationship that you’d both try be as honest and open with your emotions as possible

so now, you were both sitting beside each other on your bed while sharing a banana split that akaashi made (you put the sprinkles on though so you basically gave it flavour ✨)

akaashi is definitely the therapist friend to so he gives great advice 

but if you don’t want his advice and you’d prefer him to just listen, then he can do that too 

honestly, he’d do basically anything to make you feel better 🥺

[pinkchanelbag]

congrats on the milestone, nia!! could i please get the lovers with levi ackerman? i’ve been really stressed lately and i think levi would be such a caring bf during finals week aaaaa <3 thank you so much!

THE LOVERS — LEVI + FINALS WEEK.

— levi is THEE person to have at your side during finals week.

— he’s got a really good balane between making sure you actually study so you can do well (’cause his s/o is not no dummy) and making sure you take care of yourself. 

— it’s just a one track mind thing for him—your success, that is. that comes in the form of both academic performance AND mental + physical wellbeing. 

— like “what’s the point of doing well on the exams if you’re having a panic attack twice a day for a week.” but also “what’s the point of over relaxing until you do badly and then get stressed again.”

— helps you set up a study schedule and makes sure you stick to it (with only some interference or involvement—he doesn’t wanna baby you). 

— during those seven days he manages to go through like an entire box of tea because he’s always and i mean ALWAYS making you some. the cup is never NOT at your side and never empty for longer than twenty minutes. don’t like tea? he’ll give you a judgey side-eye and make you your preferred drink instead (water’s out of the question, by the way. there’s a full bottle being shoved into your hands constantly).

— peaking into the room silently every now and then to look at you and gauge your mental state/concentration level. like i said, he has no plans to baby you, but he’s discrete in looking out for you. will pull you away for one episode of a comfort show or something if you look like you need the break, or just take you on a quick walk outside. 

— all of your exams are in his calendar. 

— coming into the room with a simple statement of “dinner” and holding the door open for you as you practically crawl out of the chair and trudge outside. not opposed to feeding you himself if you’re that burnt out. 

— you’re quick to let him know if you’ve made some kind of accomplishment in your studies like “levi, i finished three units today!” or “oh my god, i finally understand.” when this happens, he doesn’t hesitate to give you reward cheek squishes and head pats and neck kisses. 

— he’s taking care of the cleaning for the week with no complaints. even reminds you of your own hygiene if need be. he knows how stress can tunnel vision a person sometimes. 

— exam season sucks but the one thing it’s good for are the nightly soft levi cuddles. without fail, every night of the god awful few weeks, he’s unusually touchy and sweet, stroking your hair and rubbing gently at your tired eyes or your temples/shoulders/neck. murmuring about how you’re doing so well, how he’s proud and you’re gonna do great on the exams. 

— anything you need him to do, he’ll do it. 

note: riz!! thank u so much for the request angel. i hope your exams go well and that this helps. you’re gonna do great <3

NIA’S 999 EVENT

[undesired-attention]

I had been thinking for a while about jumping back on here for an update- both for those who used to follow if they’re still on here and also to consolidate my own thoughts of the past 8 months, and today feels like the day. I believe I left off with my mom having surgery, that ended up going well and all is mostly good- some complications that can be fixed with a colonoscopy or two and another surgery planned for the future, but nothing emergent and things have been fine with her for the most part. That feels like so long ago reflecting back, I cannot believe it’s only been 8 months.. then the bf went to finish up his last term of college, he absolutely killed it banging the last of his degree out and graduated in December. Meanwhile, I began taking the charge role at my job- meaning I was the head nurse on the floor, didn’t take patients (usually), directed the flow of care and dealt with the major problems.. and I found that I really enjoyed it. I was feeling so burnt out from covid, mentally I dreaded going into work every day to take care of non compliant covid patients who didn’t believe they even had the virus, and watched them turn into a mess when they got sicker and sicker to the point of needing to go on a vent.. it was horrific and traumatizing. And that was my work life the past two years. I tried to find other fulfilling things, I studied for and passed the CMSRN (certified medical surgical RN) exam in December, and thought a lot about where I wanted my career to go. I ended up applying for a nurse supervisor position on the cardiac floor in my hospital, and after a month of interviewing with different people and then a month of waiting for my incompetent manager to get her shit together, I accepted the job and start next week.

Last night was my last night working on my med surg/covid/basically nursing home because patients stay for 6 months+ floor that’s run itself into the ground and I no longer want to be a part of. It was a EXTREMELY difficult decision, and I still have that urge to stay in my comfort. I love my coworkers. I’ve known a lot of them for three years and learned how to be a nurse with them. They (for the most part) are the best group of people I’ve ever worked with. Now saying that- this was only my first full time job in a steady position. So I have really high hopes I find that change is okay and good, and I’ll love it up there just as much as I do on my unit. My manager fired my mom a week before her surgery in august and she struggled really hard to find a job- she’s working in a clinic now making more money than before and likes it for the most part. I’ve brought up countless issues to my manager and current nurse supervisors, and none of them care about anything and are so negative and mean. I’ve spoken to my new manager more times over the past 3 months during this hiring process than my old manager in 3 years, and she has been so kind and helpful through everything. So- I’m nervous, but so excited. Bf was job hunting at the same time, and while I was hopeful he could find something local/remote, the options are just nonexistent or for way too little pay. He accepted a position at a company in pittsburgh with a offer too good to even consider turning down, and he starts (remote until moves out there) next week. He signed a lease on a house and is working his way to getting out there. And of course with that, I had to think a lot about what I wanted to do. We talked about it, a lot, and the plan is for him to go out there and me stay for ~a year (likely less) in my new job, get official job title nurse supervisor experience, and then come out to pittsburgh with him and find a nursing supervisor job somewhere out there. I’m not a fan of UPMC’s tactics one bit, but they pay their supervisors comparatively to what I will be making here, so I won’t be taking a $10 pay cut like I would as a staff RN, if I became part of the hospital system that monopolizes Pittsburgh. I am EXTREMELY excited for him and I know he’s excited too, pretty close to a dream job for him.

Meanwhile- my brother is finishing up his last semester at Carnegie Mellon in pittsburgh, and will be doing a PhD fellowship in math for a big college close to Pittsburgh, but also closer to home. It’ll be the closest he’s been to home since he was 15 and moved to New Hampshire for boarding school. I’m also obviously very excited for him as well. I had a routine doctors appt a couple weeks ago, and I decided to finally open up and mention that I’m having an extremely hard time focusing and concentrating. I’ve always had this issue, but it was really starting to effect my work being now that I’m sitting down and having to do paperwork and it’s not constantly running to tend to my patients. She made me an appt for next week to get tested for AD(H)D. I still don’t know how I feel about it, I feel kind of ashamed but that was the way I was raised, mental health disorders do not exist and you’re fine, it’s all in your head. I did some research into ADHD in women, and a lot aren’t diagnosed until their 20s-30s. So either way, I’ll see what they say. It’s either that or anxiety but I am starting to believe it’s more than anxiety the more I really reflect on how I feel and act.. but overall, the past 8 months have been great for myself and everyone close to me. I’m feeling emotional from last night being my last night on my home unit for the past 3 years, and a little delirious because I worked 3 nights in a row lol, but I just have been wanting to type all this out for a while and send it into the void of what was a major part of my life for multiple years. If anyone takes the time to read this, thank you for checking in. Talk to you again maybe in the future. :)

Also, formatting on this app is HORRIFIC, I’m sorry

[tiredbiostudent]

i love seeing your posts it's very motivating. if you dont mind me asking, do you have any advice for studying (or tricks you use for urself) ((it's v vague sorry))!!!

hi, thank you! honestly I am absolutely awful at studying but I will try to provide some helpful tips:

1. watching university vloggers always makes me feel more motivated to do work! my favourites atm are nayna florence, moya mawhinney, paigeyy (her old cambridge vlogs bc I think she’s graduated now), linh truong, and may gao 2. I have a really hard time getting started so sometimes you just need to be like alright I can at LEAST open up this pdf or assignment. and I can at LEAST create a new word document and write out what I have to do. and occasionally this tricks your brain into actually starting ;) 3. when you plan a study schedule, give yourself at least one free day where you have nothing planned bc at least for me I will absolutely need it. don’t cram your days full of unrealistic things to do! 4. take advantage of your productive moods, but also don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re feeling super tired or burnt out or unproductive. you can also try and flip your productivity switch on (tho this is hit or miss) by doing less taxing stuff like going on a walk, making your bed, watering your plants- any task that makes you feel like you’re accomplishing something 5. have a hobby and life outside of school. easier said than done, but this will really help alleviate the stress and anxiety you feel when something goes wrong academically and that’s the only “important” thing you feel like you have in life. take time for yourself to learn new things, relax, spend time with friends, be in nature, exercise. all about balance baby! 6. study based on what your exam will test you on. if it’s short answer, study the material but also practice writing out example answers. if it’s matching labels to diagrams, practice that! go beyond just writing out your notes, try and fit your studying method to the format of your test. it helps s o much. 7. similarly, ALWAYS DO THE REVIEW QUESTIONS. if you have no time to do anything else, DO THESE!!! I’ve been burned so many times because I feel obligated to retype out all my notes (bc I have to have everything altogether) and run out of time to do the practice questions my prof gives, and those are always the most relevant to what you’ll be tested on. hell, do these before anything else. cannot stress this enough lol!!!! 8. don’t do the readings unless you NEED to or it helps you learn. otherwise it’s a waste of time (and money for a textbook!) imo 9. switch up where you study. unfortunately this isn’t really feasible right now but I find I’m most productive at the library- at your university (if you go) try to find your favourite study spots, and have a few you can cycle through! for me it’s the lifesci commons, law library and the comp sci building because they’re chill, productive atmospheres (as opposed to the SUB or the health sci building, which are too loud and too intense respectively) 10. keep your phone out of sight lol. and get one of those browser locks like forest to dissuade you from getting distracted. for me it’s more of a split second compulsion to check and once there’s a barrier in my way I’m like oh. nvm. 11. my personal note-taking method is taking written notes in lecture of anything important that’s not on the slides. usually your prof will emphasize the important of a topic too! but if they don’t, pay attention to what they’re spending a lot of time going over. after class I’ll add my written notes to the lecture to supplement it and better explain everything we covered. (for virtual lectures, I basically have the slides open in one half of my screen and the lecture in the other and type notes onto the slides as it plays) 12. practice explaining concepts to yourself out loud- this is a great way to see if you’ve actually understood the material! if you can do this once solidly, you’re good to go and it’ll stick in your brain for a while. 13. also try and make connections between topics you’ve covered because often this is what profs like to ask about on exams (cough ~synthesis~). for instance, recognizing that keratin composes tissues in birds, mammals, reptiles, etc. 14. if you’ve been working hard or having a stressful time buy yourself a nice warm drink because you deserve it! :) 15. this one’s a little weird but if you need to remember something like what the foundational traits of vertebrates are, focus on memorizing how many you need to know! if I know there’s 6 of something I need to remember, it makes recalling them SO much easier 16. if you’ve been sitting down studying for a while take a break to just jump tf around your room. you could also go on a walk I guess but jumping is more fun. 17. it’s good to get a reminder of why you’re in school and what makes you passionate about what you’re studying to drive you to keep going. for me I love to watch nature documentaries or go on hikes or look through field guidebooks or read really neat academic papers :) 18. for the love of god please get enough sleep.

I also have a whole tag of #study tips that is 1000% more helpful than what I can provide so definitely take a look through there! good luck, you got this :) ps sorry this got so long winded lol I hope it helps!

[ginemrys]

a change of heart

This is something very different to what we usually write, a bold departure from Jily! But we were inspired by a tiktok that showed Peter knocking on Marlene's door to Meant To Be Yours from the show Heathers and knew we had to write it!!!

Marly,

Lily and I are going a little stir crazy now. I try not to let her see how fed up with being stuck inside I am, but as you know well enough, she’s an expert at reading people.

I wish you could know where we are, that you could come and visit. We keep showing Harry photos of all of you, making sure he knows you all once this damned war is over. I think you’re going to be Marly for the rest of your life now, he’s quite taken with babbling some form of it over and over whenever you’re mentioned.

It’s unreal to think that he’s going to be a year old soon, where did that time go? Sometimes I feel like we are all still at school, taking our exams and getting up to mischief. I miss mischief almost as much as I miss the boys. We see Sirius of course, but no one has heard from Remus in a while, not since he went on his last mission for Dumbledore. I’m worried about Peter, he seems to be struggling worst of all, he barely replies to my letters now. I want him to be alright, he’s one of my closest friends and I hate the idea that he’s pulling away from us when we need him the most.

We miss you lots, miss you all. Please pass our love onto Dorcas and the others, you understand that we can’t write to everyone, just in case.

Stay safe, stay brilliant.

James.

Marlene stood in her childhood bedroom holding the letter in her hands. She smiled down at it, imagining baby Harry saying her name. She put the letter down on her bedside table before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Marlene, dinner is ready!” Her mother called from downstairs.

“I’ll be down in a minute.” She called back, her head in her hands.

“Marly?” A quiet voice spoke from her doorway. Marlene’s younger brother, Marcus, stood there. He was home for the summer, having just finished his sixth year at Hogwarts. He was the only person who could ever comfort Marlene when she cried, knowing just what to do. So he stepped into her bedroom uninvited, and sat down beside her, one arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, you.” She said, with a small sigh. “Sorry… It’s been a tough few weeks.” She said, resting her head against his as they sat together.

“I know.” Marcus replied, his hold on her tightening slightly. “And I’m not going to ask, because I know you can’t, unlike Mum and Dad. Sorry they keep pushing you to tell us what you’ve been doing.”

“It’s fine, it was all just better when I saw more of my friends… I miss them. Lily and James I barely get to hear from, even Dore is too busy for me…” She sighed. “Right, can’t let our food get cold. Race you?” She said with a small smirk, moving back from him.

“It’ll get better, I’m sure.” Marcus said softly as she moved away, getting to his feet. A grin spread across his face as she spoke, his eyebrow raising. “You know I’ll win!” He took off running, making sure to shut her door behind him to slow her down.

But then a bang sounded from downstairs, Marlene’s mother screamed.

“Arsehole!” Marlene shouted after him, throwing the door open. She froze hearing her mother’s shout, but she joined her brother by stumbling into the kitchen. Marlene’s mother lay on the ground, her face pressed against the cracked tile.

“Mum!” Marcus called out, rushing towards his mother, falling to his knees to grab her. A cold laugh sounded and another green light filled the room. Marlene stood with wide eyes as she stared at the scene before her as Marcus fell limply on the tile next to her.

“Marlene, run! Go!” Her father shouted, his face wet with tears as he burst into the kitchen from his study, brandishing his wand. “You’re important in this war, go now!”

Marlene looked at her father for a moment before running towards the door, more figures moved into the kitchen and she could hear her father grunting as he shot spells that burnt hot behind her. She pulled the door open, but was stopped by a figure standing on the path. “P-Pete?”

“Stay there!” Peter said, his voice surprisingly firm. But his wand betrayed him, his hand shaking as he pointed it at her chest. “Don’t try to run, Marlene!”

Marlene felt sick, the shaking wand arm showed the dark mark embedded into his skin. She stared at him before turning on her heel and sprinting up the stairs. She ran at full pelt into her room, slamming the door closed and locking it behind her before resting back against it. She looked around even though she knew she was trapped. “Fuck.” She muttered, looking around for her wand. She could almost hear Alastor condemning her for putting it down.

Peter sighed as Marlene ran. He felt sick, unable to stop shaking. But this was a test, he had to do this. His mark was fresh, still itchy and green. He needed to kill, to kill by order of his new master in order to turn it black. And he was tasked with the murder of Marlene McKinnon. So he pulled the door open, hearing the thud of Mr McKinnon as his body hit the floor beside his wife and son. The stairs creaked as Peter climbed them, he could hear the chuckles of his fellow Death Eaters, none of them who knew that he was the spy believed that he could do it.

Marlene saw her wand had rolled onto the floor so scrambled forward on her hands and knees to grab it. “Come on.” She said to herself, trying to conjure a patronus to send for help. She had placed anti-apparition wards over her house a few weeks prior, to protect them. She’d thought people couldn’t get in, but she clearly had been wrong. A few wisps appeared out of her wand but she couldn't possibly think of a strong enough memory to conjure a corporal form. Not while her heart ached and her head spun.

He knew where he was going, he’d been here before. He’d lingered in the background as everyone had fun, drinking and partying after sixth year when Marlene’s parents had been out for the night. He’d sat alone, curled up on an armchair watching Lily begin to fall in love with James as they spoke quietly with their backs against the sofa. He knew where Marlene’s room was.

He knocked gently on the closed door. “Marly? It’s going to be alright, Marly. Just open the door, please.” He called through it, his voice soft. He could hear her ragged, panicked breathing behind the wood.

“It was you.” Marlene called back, her back hard against the door. “You’re the traitor. You… You joined their side. Pete, why?”

“Just open the door.” Peter replied, his voice a little harsher now. “I don’t owe you an explanation, I don’t owe any of you anything. Now open the door, Marly.”

“You could have come to us, any of us. We could have helped if you were struggling. Pete, Pete please.” She said, angrily brushing the tears from her face.

“No, I couldn’t!” He spat. He could have killed her by now, could have unlocked the door with a simple alohomora and he’d be done with it. But she knew now, she knew. Finally he could tell someone about how he felt, about how they all had made him feel over the years. “I couldn’t talk to any of you. None of you care, none of you remember I’m even there half the time. Remus used to give a slight shit, but then Dumbledore sent him away. And James only cares about his precious Lily, he doesn’t have the time for any of us anymore.” The words spilled out of him, his voice rough as he shouted through the door. “You’re on the losing side, Marly, you can’t win! So why bother trying?”

“That’s not true!” She exclaimed. “It’s not! We all care about each other so much, but it’s so hard, this war is so hard and it is worth trying, we want a future, a future with all of us.” She sobbed, her hand covering her mouth. “We all care about you. Please, Peter, we can fix this together. Me and you. I can save you, this isn’t the end. It can’t be the end.” She whimpered.

“It's too late. People didn’t care about me before the war, they won’t now. There’s no way.” He knew the door was locked, but still he reached down to turn the doorknob, knowing it would scare her. Some sick part of him was taking pleasure from hearing her sobbing. “Let me in.”

“We’ve always cared about you. What about Sirius and James? Remus? You’re one of the marauders. I’ve never seen a friendship as close as yours…” She said, standing up from the door and stepping back towards the bed, her wand raised.

“I’ve never been one of them, not really. I was just a means to an end.” Peter said as he pointed his wand at the lock, watching it glow slightly as he unlocked it. “It’s always been them, then me. An afterthought.”

“That’s not true, they love you. Let me help you, I can protect you.” She said, pointing her wand at the door. Her legs hit the edge of the bed, knocking the bedside table and the letter she had been reading landed on the ground.

“Not anymore.” Peter whispered. He cast a shield charm as he opened the door, knowing that she would try to attack him the second he appeared in her view. And of course he was right, because there she was, her wand pointed right at him. “See, you lied.”

“You’re trying to kill me, Peter. What do you expect?” She said, sending a stunning spell even though it bounced off his shield charm.

“I have to.” Peter said. “Expelliarmus!” Her wand soared out of her hand. Peter was never very good at catching, so he let it clatter to the floor in front of him. “I have to, Marly. You know that.” But still his hand shook.

Marlene winced as she watched the wand fall to the ground. “You don’t. You don’t have to do this, Pete. Please,” she looked him in the face, “let me help you, please don’t do this. Don’t kill me. I’m begging you.”

“You can’t help me. No one can help me. Not until the war is over.” Peter said, his voice sounding like he was trying to convince himself of the fact, to make himself believe that what he was doing was right. “It’ll be fine, Marly. It won’t hurt.”

“They’ll know it was you. They’ll find out. They won't forgive you if you do this.” As Marlene looked at him she could hear the voices of her friends in her head. We can’t be together, not anymore. I’m sorry. We’re going into hiding. I’m scared. You know I’ll win. I love you.

“No one will know.” Peter shook his head, his hand growing steadier by the second. “They think it’s Remus.” He drew in a deep breath, forcing himself to mean it, to want it. “Bye, Marly.” He whispered the words and saw the flash of light.

Marlene’s body hit the ground with a soft thud, her head falling next to the letter. Her eyes lay open, glazed and forever staring.

Peter had to press his hand to his mouth to not be sick, his fingers tingling at the feeling of casting an Unforgivable curse. His eyes travelled from Marlene’s dead, blank expression to the parchment beside her head. He recognised that handwriting. He walked over to her, taking care not to look at her anymore and picked it up. James . He was worried about him… He knew it was all for show, James hadn’t cared about Peter for years, if at all. But maybe he suspected. Peter knew he had to work harder with his so-called friends, if he wanted to prove himself to the Dark Lord. A sharp pain sliced his arm, a small cry escaping him. He looked, his mark was no longer green, but jet black. He’d done it.

“The other side are on their way. Let's go.” A gruff voice called from downstairs before steps moved through the house and disappeared.

The parchment slipped from Peter’s fingers, drifting down to land on Marlene’s outstretched palm. He kicked her wand behind him as he turned to leave the room, now it looked as though she had been killed without knowing who it was, in the middle of reading the letter. It probably didn’t matter much, but it gave Peter more of a sense of ease. He followed the sound of the voice, joining the other members of Voldemort’s inner circle, minus Snape of course. He did not know of Peter’s change of heart, and was not going to learn of it. Not until it was all over.

A quiet ache ran through the house as it was left alone, the bodies of the fallen left to run cold on the floor.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” Sirius growled at Alastor, pushing past him as he slammed the door open. “Marlene! Marlene!” He shouted into the house, walking forward towards the kitchen. He gagged when he saw Marcus’ body lying there next to his mother and father. He stumbled back against the doorway, looking around.

“Marlene!” He screamed out, pushing past the other members of the Order who were walking into the scene. He checked the living room before forcing his way upstairs and slowly pushing open the door into Marlene’s room. He slumped down onto his knees seeing her body. “No…” He crawled forward to pull her into his arms, wrapping his arms around her. “No.”

“Sirius…” Remus whispered. He’d only just gotten back from his last mission, the exhaustion obvious on his face. He and Albus had been halfway through their usual debrief when the message had come in, the message that the McKinnons' house had the Dark Mark emblazoned in the sky above it. Naturally Remus had come and had known Sirius would be there. “Oh Merlin, Sirius, I’m…” He took another step into the bedroom, unable to tear his eyes from Marlene’s.

“Get out. Get the fuck out of here.” Sirius snapped, holding Marlene close to his chest, stroking her hair. He looked down at her before he screamed out in agony, holding her tightly; unable to comprehend that she was dead.

“You don’t mean that. You’re upset.” Remus whispered, though a tear had fought its way down his cheek. Sirius had never spoken to him in that way before, not even when Remus had screamed at him for telling Snape about the passageway to the Shack. It stung, it hurt worse than any full moon. “I’m sorry she’s gone, Sirius.”

Sirius could barely hear anything, he lifted Marlene into his arms, lifting her up onto the bed and settling her onto the blankets. He stood up, leaving her there. “Get the fuck out.” Sirius snapped, moving forward to push Remus out of the room.

“Why are you being like this?” Remus asked him, his eyes wide. “This wasn’t me, Sirius. I didn’t- You know I would never hurt any of you!”

“You weren’t here! Where were you? If there were more of us we could have helped.” He growled, his thoughts were jumbled and he just needed someone to blame.

“You know I can’t tell you that! I was away on Dumbledore’s orders, Sirius!” Remus’ hand gripped the banister, his back pressed against it as Sirius backed him out of Marlene’s room. He could still see her long blonde hair on the bed, his stomach turning. “I’m sorry she’s gone, I really fucking am. But I promise you, I was with Dumbledore.”

“How do I know you’ve not been off with the enemy?” Sirius said, closing the door behind him, protecting Marlene in the only way he could. “How do I know you aren’t lying? You got here so quickly…”

“You really think I would betray you?” Remus snapped, the mere implication that Sirius thought he was the spy shattering him. “You think I’d work with him , betray James and Lily, put Harry at risk? Get Marlene killed? Fuck you, Sirius. You dare? You dare think that the things I’ve been doing haven’t been for the Order, for Dumbledore? You think so fucking little of me to consider I’d ever buy in to his blood purity bullshit? Me ? Clearly you don’t know me at all.”

“Marlene’s dead, people didn’t know where she was, where her family was. Marcus.” Sirius wretched, doubling over but trying not to throw up. “How else would they know?” He groaned.

“I don’t fucking know how they found her!” Remus was shouting now, furious at his supposed friend. “But I didn’t sell her out, I didn’t sell any of you out! Because I believe in my friends, Sirius, I would never think you or Peter would have betrayed James. But no, I do work for the Order alone and suddenly I’m a spy. I know you’re hurting, and I know you’re grieving. But I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at me for months, and I’m sick of it! So go fuck yourself, I’m done.” He stormed down the stairs, the front door slamming behind him.

“Fuck you! Fuck you, you traitor!” Sirius screamed down the stairs, his knees giving way as he slumped down.

“Get him out of here.” Alastor said to a couple of Order members, who grabbed Sirius and dragged him out of the house.

The front door shut, the green glow of the Dark Mark still lingering in the air. But the house was silent once more.

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + snake secondary (bird model)

Hello! I recently discovered your blog and really love the thought you’ve put into the nuances of the SHC system. I’m super into these kinds of personality analysis systems (I’ve probably been through them all at this point) because I think it’s interesting to know how people tick - I also think self-awareness is important so that you know why you do what you do, essentially. I took the SHC quiz and it told me I was a Snake Primary with a Bird Model, and a Bird Secondary with a Snake Model. I agree that I’m probably a (somewhat petrified) Snake Primary with a strong Bird Model, but I’m not sure which is my true secondary and which is the model. Maybe you can help?

I can sure try :)

Some things about me: I’m an oldest daughter, and I’m almost 100% sure my dad is a Bird Snake and I *idolized* him as a child - I thought he had it all figured out. He was the Zeus to my Athena in my child’s eyes, and I think I got my Bird primary model very early from copying him.

I mean, I know what you mean in a “sole creator” sense, but there is no *way* Athena thought Zeus had it all figured out.

My two younger brothers are a Lion Snake and a Lion Badger, and my mother is possibly a Double Badger, though I’m not as sure about her - maybe she just thinks that she *should* be a Double Badger. I think all that is important to help illustrate that I didn’t really feel *at home* when I was with my family, though I loved them, since I was the only Snake. My parents also had a terrible relationship and are now divorced, so there’s that as well. I think the only time I have ever been truly morally outraged was the revelation that my dad had engaged in infidelity against my mom, and then again when he started dragging his feet over a promise the he had made my youngest brother. We didn’t speak for a long time after that incident, but I was really cut up over dropping him.

Oh yeah. That’s very Snake primary. Morally outraged because your People are getting hurt.

We eventually started to reconcile, and the only reason we did was because he called and said he was driving through my city one day, and even after all of that, I said yes to meeting up because I felt sad that I had dropped him. I think this family dynamic, plus some other childhood stuff, led to me sort of “checking out” and petrifying pretty early.

Just a theory - I think it’s possible that this hit your secondary more than it hit your primary. You seem pretty strong and confident in your Snake primary so far. Even the fact that you can identify it coming from such a non-Snake environment, and don’t feel guilty about it, is big.

I had a lot of trouble making friends in school.

I’m thinking this might be more of a secondary thing.

and generally ended up with like one friend who was the other weird girl, and who I always sort of kept at arm’s length emotionally. I moved schools several times as a kid and after the first best friend (who was the daughter of my mom’s best friend and was like a sister to me until she moved away), I really didn’t try too hard to make new “best” friends.

Hmm. See, this reads like a *default* friend to me, not a friend of choice. The other weird girl. The daughter of your mom’s friend. That’s an easy friend to have… and not one that you necessarily sought out. I’m not surprised that your primary didn’t latch onto her with that Snake intensity.

Even now, though I definitely have concentric circles of loyalty and a significant other who is my “top person”, I’m not sure I have that blind Snake I-would-literally-die-for-you loyalty toward anyone - I’d kill or hide a body for my top circles

That *is* Snake loyalty. Snakes aren’t going to die for someone else, are you kidding? That’s a sucker’s game. They value themselves too much.

I would give up a lot of my own comfort for my significant other. Maybe I’m just afraid to let myself feel that unquestioning loyalty, though I want to feel it, or maybe I’m really a Bird and just want to be a Snake because that would mean I could be un-broken eventually.

Let’s talk about your secondary, I want to hear about how you think you’re broken, because so far you seem fine. Congrats on the SO!

I don’t think I’m an Idealist though - I’m surrounded by them and I know I don’t care about “principles” the way they do. Then again, maybe I’m a Bird whose truth is that moral relativism is the truth lol. Anyway, I think for my primary, I’m probably a petrified Snake with a Bird model unless I’m totally wrong about myself.

I think you’re just a Snake who… is a Snake.

(you’ve got that Birdy influence though, from your dad, and they do like to complicate things.)

As for my secondary, I loved to read (everything - all kinds of fiction, especially sci-fi/fantasy/mystery and, like, Victorian sci-fi/horror adventures, nature books, medical texts, etc. Wikipedia was a revelation when it came out), and I was smart and good at taking tests and knowing the answers in school, so at a certain point I think I just defaulted to being “the smart one” and used that as armor to help keep people from getting too close.

yep yep yep, welcome to the ‘fun Bird model’ club, we have snacks

I do genuinely love to learn, and I’ve always been known among friends and family as the one who either knows the answer or will look it up. I love pop culture trivia and nature facts. I also love and am good at debate, but not really when real feelings are involved - I more love the “battle of wits” aspect, where I can match up against a person to see if my knowledge and ability to adapt my argument on the fly can stump them. 

I also would argue the unpopular point, or the point I didn’t agree with, just for sport. Fun Bird secondary model.

I developed terrible anxiety and probably some depression as well in high school.

Okay, now I’m seeing the problem.

and now that I’m older, I suspect that I may have ADHD, though I haven’t been officially assessed. I didn’t discover my executive function issues really until college, when suddenly being smart and being able to figure out the test answers through context clues and what I remembered from lectures and readings + whatever trivia I had gathered about the topic wasn’t enough anymore.

I suspect you’re right about being ADHD. Or at least being neruodivergent.

I am horrible at studying! I would plan out my study sessions and make these nice little cheat sheets (these were allowed on exams) and they didn’t work at all! I did very well in my literature minor though, because all the graded assignments were papers rather than open-answer tests, and I could get my thoughts out better and with more resources at my disposal if I forgot something and needed to go back to the book to check.

Oh ouch. Yeah, I’m not even relating this back to a secondary, because I’m reading this as a working memory thing? Like ugh tests are such a terrible way access knowledge. What is even the *point* of memorization anymore? You should have been able to have a college career that was completely writing papers, like I did.

I was at one point very jealous of my Lion Snake brother, who I felt could do “whatever he wanted” with minimal consequences, while I always felt constrained by being “good” and not rocking the boat too much with my family.

Yep. That’s being an oldest daughter.

I couldn’t understand why he didn’t seem to care about being considerate to everyone else in the household (especially my chronically overworked, can’t-say-no Badger mom lol).

It’s because he’s the youngest. Mine’s the same.

This attitude was definitely influenced by my anxiety issues at that time, since I had (and still have) a lot of trouble asking for anything - help, permission, whatever. I’d rather do things and explore on my own, without anyone watching, so I don’t have to ask and don’t have to explain.

Did you low-key raise your younger siblings? Because it sounds like you raised your siblings.

I feel better with a little bit of distance, and definitely wear masks in most situations. I’d say my masks are half conscious and half reactive - I do have some idea of how I’d like to be perceived, but it’s only kind of systematic.

That makes me think Snake or Badger secondary.

I have a few “characters” that I use as touchpoints when I’m going into a new situation, but once I’m there I mostly just act nice and funny and see what happens.

So far I’m going with Badger secondary (be nice and and assume it’ll be fine is very badger) with a fun Bird secondary model, that you can do an Actor Bird thing with. Although liking to “just see what happens” is pretty snake.

The characters are really just costumes I use to give off a certain first impression, although I do really like the costumes and find them fun. I love clothes, makeup, and perfume too, because I enjoy the idea of making multidimensional costumes for different settings. I actually enjoy the mask a lot of the time - I have tattoos that are purposefully in places that I can cover easily, because I enjoy the idea that there’s something under the professional mask that people only know about if I show them. I’m a bit socially awkward I think (I repeat myself and talk a lot), but most people tend to either like me or tolerate me, and I don’t get into a lot of interpersonal conflicts. 

Hm. Either Courtier Badger or Snake secondary, fun Bird secondary model. However. Especially after talking about your Actor Bird in such fun, positive, happy language… I am going to call you out for “socially awkward” and “people tolerate me.” Which tells me you don’t have as much faith in your social skill set, and it’s *maybe* a little burnt.

(Also, not to get too armchair psychologist tell-me-about-your-mother, but if your mom has a  “chronically overworked, can’t-say-no” Badger secondary… that’s going to affect how you see Badger secondaries.)

Right now I work in a very Badger/Bird workplace, and it’s really a terrible fit, even though I can squeak by enough to fool my superiors into thinking I’m doing a good job. 

oh we’ve got some imposter syndrome, that can also be a burnt secondary thing.

It’s all long-term planning and daily maintenance tasks, and I really don’t like it. I change most of my plans partway through, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m really an improvisational secondary at heart, or if I’m truly a Bird that’s just bad at planning for all of the variables.

I’m going to say you’re not a Bird. Making cheat-sheets (which is a very Bird secondary strategy) also did not work, and you feel confined by, not comforted by plans. You’re not a Lion, you enjoy keeping your true self to yourself too much. You could be either a Badger or Snake. And if you really hate daily maintenance tasks… that could be coming from a few places, but it makes me lean Snake. 

I love being in situations where I can iterate on a plan, or make a new plan on the fly. I love escape rooms and am pretty good at them; I still get stumped and need hints sometimes, but when I *get* a puzzle, it sort of just clicks for me? I don’t think in a very linear way and am not a good chess player, but I also have never studied chess so perhaps I just am at a knowledge disadvantage in that game. 

This is also you using Bird to have fun, and we know you *love* using Bird to have fun.

One of my proudest moments

okay this is definitely going to be helpful

was when I was on a day trip with my significant other, and we needed to find a place to buy food quickly so we wouldn’t miss a specific ferry and then a specific bus - we were on an island, and near the ferry station the restaurants were all too expensive and we were worried they would take too long anyway. He was starting to get frazzled, but I was able to think on my feet, and we just grabbed a calming beer (lol) at a creepy neighborhood bar, then got on the ferry and bought microwave meals at a 7-Eleven by the bus station. It was awesome and I was very proud of myself for staying calm and looking around myself for options.

Well that is VERY Snake secondary.

I generally take a long time making decisions when it’s not a crisis situation, because I have to *weigh all the options*, but I often end up in analysis paralysis. Crunch time is where I really shine as a decision-maker.

Snake again. From what I’m seeing, your Bird is a fantastic toy, but actually kind of makes you miserable when you have to depend on it for the important stuff. (studying, your job, making important decisions)

All of this long post is to say, I’m not sure whether my Bird secondary is a fun model that got repurposed into an executive dysfunction compensation tool and anxiety/depression soother to supplement my Snake secondary

I think you hit the nail straight on the head right there. 

 or if Bird is my true secondary and Snake is a model that I learned from my dad and brother + characters I admire in media 

oh your favorite characters are Snake secondaries are they? That’s a big tell.

and that I use when I fail to plan adequately given my executive dysfunction. 

Executive dysfunction is a whole thing, but you don’t have to “”plan adequately”” for everything.

I find both fun and both useful, but I’m not sure which is innate and which is the model! 

My money is on snake secondary, Bird secondary model. 

[punksarahreese]

Comfort | Restart

Medtober day 3 + 4 (event by @page-doctor-bekker)

Med student!Sarah; everyone needs a real support system

Word count: 2335

CW: minor parental gaslighting/manipulation

***

Sarah had hoped no one would notice, though she quickly realized her body gave itself away all too easily. No amount of caffeine could hide the sluggishness in her movements, her limbs feeling heavier than lead. If it wasn’t that it was probably the way her voice held no cheerful tone like it usually did, instead her words fell flat and had April casting her concerned glances.

She kept to herself that day, all too exhausted to even try to be social. As long as she made it through her clinical hours she could go home and sleep, at least for a few hours. She hadn’t gotten more than six the past few days, instead pouring over her textbooks that had taken their rightful place strewn across the floor. The exam for her latest rotation was coming up and Sarah was feeling the anxiety far more than usual. That was at the fault of her mother, though the woman would say it was her daughter’s problem alone.

“Sarah, you need to stop worrying over such silly things,” she had told her over the phone, “The only thing you should focus on is school.”

“Mom…”

“Now, you know how important this is. You don’t have time for friends, it will only slow you down. My daughter will be a doctor, right? You wouldn’t let me down after all this money I’ve sent…”

It always ended like that, the passive aggressive cherry on top of narcissism. Her mother wasn’t maternal in the slightest, though she would still use her relationship to Sarah for her benefit. Sure she made certain Sarah had all the money she needed to be successful, but it all came with a price. She was expecting her daughter to make a name for herself as a doctor, which would of course leave room for bragging and manipulation on Elizabeth’s part. Sarah’s whole future rested on her mother’s money as much as it did her own success, which was an unfortunate feat she was beginning to despise.

“Reese,” if she hadn’t already been sitting down, the sudden voice on her right could have knocked her off her feet. She winced at her own jumpiness, turning to look at Connor sheepishly.

“Dr. Rhodes,” she pushed a scrap piece of medical tape into her textbook before letting it fall shut on the marked page, “Hi.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah… yes of course. Just getting some studying in.”

“Uh huh,” he looked at her for a moment and Sarah knew she probably wasn’t helping her case by looking like a whole mess, “Ava was looking for you.”

Usually a mention of her mentor would immediately grab her attention and send Sarah scurrying off to find out what she wanted. This day, however, she wanted to do the opposite. Ava could see through her in seconds and Sarah didn’t have the energy to be chastised for being spacey or distracted. She was burnt out and as much as she enjoyed being on the surgeon’s service she would much rather go home.

“Oh?” Was all she said, getting to her feet. She checked her watch, realizing it was just in time for her break to begin. Sarah gathered her textbook along with her glasses she had opted to wear that day instead of contacts. One more look at Connor preceded her reply, “I’ll go find her in a bit then.”

She didn’t look back at the fellow but she knew he was probably watching her in confusion, her attitude much different than usual. Usually she would be following after Ava like a lost puppy, so the fact that she didn’t even ask where she was was wildly out of character. Sarah didn’t have the time to worry too much about it though, a chirp from her phone letting her know her mother had more to say to her.

***

“Check on your med student.”

“What?” The look Connor got from his colleague was a guarded one, clearly she didn’t know where this was going. Connor and Sam had been pestering her for a while about her soft spot for Sarah Reese, so Ava had become accustomed to assume teasing would ensue at any mention of her.

“She looks like a mess today,” he said as he snatched a chip from the bag she had been munching on, “Bloodshot eyes and way more jumpy than usual, and that’s saying something.”

“What happened?”

Connor shrugged but couldn’t help the little smirk at how concerned Ava immediately became, “Don’t know. That’s why you should check on her.”

***

Ava found her in the locker room reserved for med students and interns, thanks to one of Sarah’s classmates who pointed their instructor in the right direction. She wasn’t sure what to expect when she nudged the door open but what she got was a bit of a shock.

Sarah was sitting in front of her locker, knees pulled up to her chest and her grey scrubs already a bit dusty from the floor. She was staring blankly at the textbook propped up on the bench, completely unfocused from the words. She mustn’t have heard Ava come in because she didn’t react, the only sound being a sniffle.

“Sarah?”

Just like Connor had pointed out, she jumped far more than she had ever before. Ava knew the medical student was on edge most days, but this seemed a bit concerning. That worry only grew when she came around the corner to face Sarah properly, not expecting quite the sight she found.

Sarah’s eyes were swollen and red, as though she had been crying for quite some time. That theory was pretty much proven by the tears tracking down her ruddy cheeks, leaving little stains where they landed on her top. Her hands shook as they worried the fabric over her knees, a rhythmic movement that must have been an unconscious thought. The med student looked like she hadn’t slept for days or like she had been to Hell and back; or maybe both.

“D-doctor Bekker,” she looked up in alarm at her mentor, very deer-in-the-headlights as if she was terrified of what she might say. Something told Ava it wasn’t a coincidence that she hadn’t seen Sarah at all that day, since the other woman looked like she had been caught red handed by just the person she didn’t want to see.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Ava was crouching beside her without a thought, “What happened to formalities making you nervous?”

“I-”

“Sarah, what’s wrong?”

The brunette’s rapid head shake sent rouge curls tumbling into her line of vision, “Nothing! I’m fine.”

“Oh yeah you definitely look fine,” she was a bit shocked with the casual way Ava dropped onto the ground beside her, seeming unlike the focused surgeon she knew. Ava should be working, not sitting on the dirty locker room floor with her medical student who had spent the whole day avoiding her like the plague. Still, she showed no signs of leaving without an explanation, which made Sarah sigh.

“My cardio rotation exam is coming up…”

“Yes and? We’ve been preparing for this for weeks, Reese. You know the content like the back of your hand.”

“I don’t… it’s not that easy,” she protested, “If I don’t do perfect on every exam from here on out I might not match into the program I want. I need to be perfect, Ava.”

“No, don’t do that. You aren’t allowed to psych yourself out like this. You will do just fine, I didn’t train you to hide from the scary stuff now did I?”

“No…”

The blonde nodded affirmatively, “Exactly. So you’ve been studying and not sleeping, I take it?”

Sarah scoffed, “What gave it away?”

“The bags under your eyes are bigger than Connor’s ego,” she teased, “Plus the fact that you haven’t put that textbook away all day and you’re shaking like you do when you’re living off of caffeine.”

“Not fair,” Sarah sighed, “Don’t psychoanalyze me; that’s doctor Charles’ job.”

“Oh I would never take his job,” Ava replied, “I have a hateful relationship with Sigmund Freud and refused to do psych after med school.”

That was what finally got a smile out of Sarah, though it was followed by an incredulous headshake. Of course Ava would say something silly or unrelated to make her feel a bit better, she always did. She shifted uncomfortably on the hard flooring, looking at her mentor cautiously.

“Why are you here, Ava?”

“Because I needed to check on you.”

“You have other things to do…”

“Sarah, you’ve been spacey and avoiding me all day. I can’t very well let my star med student blow off rounds just to sit on this Petri dish of a floor and cry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just tell me what’s really wrong so I can help.”

“I told you… exams.”

“Yeah but exam stress doesn’t often make you look like you’ve been crying for hours straight. What happened, Sarah?”

She knew she was backed into a corner, very aware of Ava’s concerned, stern eyes watching her every move. It’s not that she didn’t want to talk to her, Ava was probably the only person she wanted to talk to about this, but it wasn’t that simple.

“Exams are coming up; I’m moving to neuro in a couple weeks.”

“Yes? What… oh.” The surgeon seemed to have a sudden realization about what really was wrong. She sighed, slumping back against the locker beside Sarah’s before replying, “Reese, are you upset you won’t be on my service anymore?”

“Don’t say it like that,” she couldn’t help the whine in her tone, “I know I’m being a baby about it, just forget it.”

“No, Sarah,” the comforting hand that fell on her knee made her jump a bit, “It’s okay to be upset about it. I know you weren’t all too excited for CT in the beginning so it’s… rather endearing that you like it so much now.”

Sarah’s cheeks flamed at that and she tried to hide them behind her hands, not replying. She hated how upset the thought of rotation change made her, especially since she never even wanted to do cardio. Pathology was going to be her specialty in the end so that’s the residency she was applying for. She had no reason to feel so attached to cardiothoracics, not to mention the gut wrenching worry that Ava would forget about her.

“Hey,” Ava nudged her gently, “Sarah?”

“My mom is on my ass,” she admitted suddenly, “She’s very controlling and our whole relationship is based on money. She expects me to only think about school and stop ‘playing around’ in clinicals because I’m supposed to go to path in the end. That’s why I wanted to hate cardio, I shouldn’t have gotten attached.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” she shook her head, “It’s irrational the way she makes me so anxious but… I need to do perfect, Ava. I can’t afford any other outcome, you know?”

“That’s far too much pressure on you,” Ava looked at her seriously, “You’re allowed to have a life, Sarah.”

“Not in her eyes. I have to be a pathologist first and a human second or my mother won’t be happy.”

“And what about you? Are you going to be happy?”

“That doesn’t… it doesn’t matter.”

The blonde scoffed, “That’s rubbish and you know it. You can’t do your best if you aren’t sleeping and you sure as hell won’t do well in something you’re not passionate about.”

“But-.”

“No arguing,” she couldn’t help the small amusement at Sarah’s immediate compliance, “Please take care of yourself, Reese. Do this for you, not anyone else, or you’ll regret it.”

Ava didn’t wait for an answer, instead she got to her feet and dusted off her dark pants. She held out a hand for Sarah, looking at her with expectant eyes. The student let herself be tugged up off the floor, though she had trouble holding eye contact for very long.

“Sarah?”

She hummed in reply, busy wiping ruefully at the tears that had started to fall again during their talk. She saw the worry in her mentor’s face and it hurt a lot more than she wanted to admit. Ava Bekker cared for her of all people and here she was spending the day sulking and avoiding her.

“Come here.”

She was a bit taken aback when the blonde opened her arms, offering a hug for the first time. She wasn’t a physically affectionate person as far as Sarah had seen, not with her students especially. Still, it had been a very long time since she had received any sort of comfort like that and she had a hard time finding a response.

Eventually she did melt cautiously into Ava’s arms, surprised by how strong and secure they felt.

The surgeon didn’t say anything, just let Sarah lean into her until she relaxed into the embrace like expected. It was clear the other woman didn’t get a lot of physical comfort and Ava felt her stomach twinge a bit at how socially distant Sarah seemed. She deserved a support system, especially in such a competitive med program, and it broke her heart to realize she didn’t have much of one.

“Listen, you are a brilliant student, even if you have trouble with confidence. Enjoy neuro, don’t waste that time being upset and instead learn as much as you can. Don’t doubt yourself or downplay your abilities just because you think you should be in a lab instead. You would make an amazing surgeon, Sarah, whether it’s in CT or not.”

“Ava,” her reply was muffled slightly by her hair, “I don’t…”

“Just put yourself first, okay? And don’t be afraid to ask for guidance. Even if I’m not your mentor anymore once your rotation is up… I’m here, I promise.”

Sarah couldn’t think of a meaningful reply, overwhelmed by it all but still soothed by the lilac scent that was so Ava. All she could do was mumble a “thank you”, but in that moment it was more than enough.