#and i really like how much the game is letting me flesh out my inquisitors personality and feelings

[traaanskimkitsuragi]

ok now that im a lot further into dai im actually liking it a lot more

[wizardsix]

ok... so I have finally finished veilguard after about 90 painful hours (two playthroughs). im not gonna write an actual review about all of my detailed thoughts bc it'll actually take days, this is just to at least get my general thoughts out and see if anyone else feels the same or if ive actually lost it.

overall it is the weakest dragon age game story-wise, and I'd give it a nice lukewarm 4/10.

(i wrote this post right after I finished the game on the weekend so maybe I sound a bit harsh, I tried to edit it to be more reasonable lol but I didn't really want to delete this since I do still stand by a lot of this)

I really tried to go in with an open mind, bc I always want to experience media in full before making any kind of judgement, but about a few hours in I had this horrible feeling that once again this was another soulless, rushed game, and I still don't feel any different after finishing the game.

what stuck out to me was that there's no sense of urgency despite what the plot is, serious topics are not treated with care as the writing overall is shallow, and the gods as well as any other enemy you encounter are just cartoon villains (and apparently the lore retconning, but I'm not well-versed enough to dissect that so I won't).

I can't take this plot seriously when it feels so disjointed and forced and lazy. and I see no point in caring about anything when choices literally don't matter. no say in who you recruit, no say in the relationships with them and they have almost no awareness of rook, definitely doesn't matter if you have allies or not bc they show up anyway, and only four companions are locked into unavoidable decisions where one of them bites the dust no matter what (which is strange bc why are harding and davrin forced to die no matter if they're at hero status while bellara and neve can literally survive blight if they're at hero status), so it's impossible to try to strategize for better (or worse) outcomes with all the people you've gathered when there's only one right answer that the game pretty much tells you instead of letting you think for yourself (and side note this game does an incredible amount of hand holding). the game actively tries to trick you into thinking your choices matter with the onscreen notifications, but nothing matters bc the devs clearly had only one story in mind and for some reason lied that it had "complex choices".

also rook in general wasn't interesting as a protagonist bc they were written to be perfect. they always know what to say and are so supportive of everyone. they never struggle with anything. not even with leadership beyond "man leading a team is hard :/" but it doesn't actually show how hard it is by having actual volatile conflict between the companions* or showing how their plans sometimes fail. which, if we actually had choices that mattered, would have helped develop that struggle. also? what's with everyone being so friendly? I'm not gonna get into that but everyone is so eerily nice and it's been said a lot but yeah, the world is extremely sanitized and devoid of any real conflict aside from the gods I guess.

*(like off the top of my head cassandra fighting with varric and accusing him of not being on their side or how the inquisitor can literally punch dorian and solas if approval is low enough or fenris and anders bordering on killing each other is not the same as lucanis and davrin distrusting each other or people being uncomfortable with emmrich's necromancy. it just scratches the surface of conflict and never goes anywhere)

and let me say real quick again, there's nothing wrong if they wanted to make a more rigid story about being a hero. it's been done a million times and it can be executed well, but if you do that you need to make sure you 1) don't lie to people and 2) actually flesh out your (especially main) characters and plot to give people a reason to care. look at dragon age 2. hawke is a fixed protagonist with their own life front and center. they ultimately only have two choices (siding with mages or templars), but it works bc the game took time to build up the conflict straight from act 1 so by the time chaos happens in act 2 and 3 you understand why bc it's Been brewing the whole time. it just makes sense. the villains as well have sound reasons and feel real instead of being evil just bc. the story is more grounded, yet you have choices. you decide if hawke ends up alone or not. you decide how they approach situations with force or diplomacy. there's none of that in veilguard. a game that supposedly took 10 years to make. when dragon age 2 took almost 16 months (yes I know da2 also has problems like the fact that the templars are always proven right but this isn't the place to dissect that).

I want to be fair though and I do want to restate what I enjoyed about the game. the cc (though would it kill them to have more variety in face textures like age and body types beyond average.. also no colour wheel... especially since they claimed their cc was so good), the map progression/visuals/exploration (how certain places become more blighted overtime), the factions (though I feel there should have been more content for your faction, and helping them or not should have mattered more), the combat (did not feel like a slog, pretty fun and mindless), the companions (bellara, davrin, emmrich, harding, and lucanis had solid personalities and stories despite my complaints. neve was not memorable and I just feel sad for taash's bad writing), certain parts of the story were good, the intro and the point of no return sequences were solid, and the ending didn't feel rushed or boring compared to inquisition. and yes, I do appreciate that rook can be trans, I just think a little more subtly and care would've been nice.

another thing I did like and predicted was that varric died at the beginning of veilguard, and for a second I actually enjoyed that because i thought we were finally (a bit too late tho) getting some depth to rook and their own struggles of accepting his death and carrying this weight without him. and while I do think maybe they should've taken more time to establish the mentor/mentee relationship so we really feel rooks regret, I still think it was at least the right direction where in their grief they still see him, giving advice and narrating their journey.....but then it turned out to just be solas manipulating them the whole time, immediately destroying any emotional weight this reveal had.

whenever bioware has good ideas they shoot themselves in the foot and make it about solas. it's like nothing in the world exists without solas being involved somehow, and that is just incredibly boring and uninspired to me. not to mention solas just being an insufferable ass the whole time, which is fine, but it's not even in a compelling way like he used to be. he became so ugly by the end and the fact that the devs consider redeeming him the "good ending" and not giving him what he deserves is very telling and once again shows their own bias is king over good storytelling (solas' feelings should not come into play here, whether you/your companions live or die should determine good/bad ending since solas is trapped no matter what, only difference is who is trapped with him. idk but I personally think different endings actually means different outcomes). i will not go into the bs of the secret post credit scene, bc frankly I'm fed up with bioware's shitty writing and I won't be playing their next world ending space aliens game (unless they miraculously pull a good story out of their ass but lbr).

overall the bad outweighs the good for me. it's fun to play as a game, it's a decent fantasy game, but the story just doesn't do anything for me. sometimes I wonder if dreadwolf was a completely different game and was scrapped for veilguard last minute. maybe this was yet another inevitable industry fuck up and maybe there was a good story planned at one point. idk. all I know is bioware lied. respect and credit to the poor devs and writers who actually cared and to those who were kicked from the project, but in the end bioware promised too much and delivered too little.

[vangbelsing]

I need to rant/vent about pre launch anxieties/criticisms, so if that's not to your taste, pretend you do not see 😑 Also I don't think I'll mention spoilers but I'll tag it just in case

Okay so. For starters I GREATLY dislike Rook. From literally everything I've seen (and I have watched almost everything that has come out) they talk without player input WAY more than even Hawke did. They feel like they very clearly have a personality Bioware wants them to have but since it's a Bioware game they're giving you some choices. Like?? Even the Inquisitor didn't have this much auto dialogue. I'm sorry but I do not like it. At all. Either give me a character I can make my own or give me a fully fleshed out one, I am not here for the halfway. I just reeeally do not like the game taking agency and having my character constantly interject without my input. It takes me out of it so much. I know I'm in the minority on this, but everything I've seen of Rook has put me off. I much prefer silent protags, I'm sorry.

And for the next one, it looks like you can't have conversations with companions outside of their scripted cutscene dialogues. Which??? I'm sorry what. For the game that says it has the most fleshed out, fully realized companions, you have substantially lessened the amount of interaction the player can have with them. (seemingly, may be different than I'm thinking) It's just a strange choice to make, I think? Why wouldn't you let players have little side convos like asking them about their pasts and their homes? That is such a weird fit for the game that says it has way better companions than the others. Getting to ask Solas about the Fade or talking to Dorian about Tevinter was such a highlight of the game and the characters for me. Having Alistair tell you about how he grew up with dogs and Zevran getting homesick whenever he describes Antiva... It's small convo moments like that which really help cement them as being people as opposed to just characters in a game, in my opinion. They're just as important, and I'm gonna be so let down if we can't have talks outside of scripted cutscenes.

Still excited for the game but. God, I'm anxious and concerned. I'll gladly eat my words if it comes out and all of this was pointless worrying, but these are very important aspects for me, so if they turn out to be... Not the best, I'm gonna be ridiculously disappointed.

[serensama]

In Sacrifice, Glory.

Author’s notes: I cannot believe it’s really been so long since I’ve written anything. I am so utterly grateful for coming across this fic by Ameldaya a couple of years ago and it really made me think- what would happen if the Hero of Ferelden was sent back from death to become the Inquisitor. What would that mean for the world and moreover, what would that mean to her family, friends and lover. Will she find new life- a new love-  or will the draw of the past prove too strong to truly forget? 

*Please excuse the heavy use of in-game dialogue in the first couple of chapters, it will lighten up considerably but I found it necessary at the start of the story*

My love for my betas @femme-moon and @illneverrecover - thank you for joining me, your support on this journey back into writing and my never-ending thanks for making my work legible.  

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1:

It was cold.

It smelled of dank and medicine — unpleasant.

It hurt.

Everything, everywhere; there was only pain.

She knew she was precariously close to passing back out; she could feel the hazy sensation from the back of her head try to reclaim her already heavy eyes. It would be so easy to go back to sleep; she knew she wouldn’t be cold anymore and the pain would just go awa– was she wearing manacles? Why was she being shackled, and where the hell was she–?

A flash of green flared before a whip of something akin to electricity coursed through the air and into her arm, the pain banishing the respite of sweet oblivion. It needled through her nervous system like thin branches of steel. Though it was quick to dissipate, a sting lingered in her hand like the crack of a cane against exposed flesh.

She blinked rapidly in an attempt to refocus herself; she could hear the rustle of clothes and armour all around her. So she was surrounded, and by people who did not trust her. Of course they don’t trust you; you’re chained up in a freezing, disgusting cell. You’re not exactly the Queen of Antiva, are you? Her thoughts paused as she tried to recall who she actually was, and the answer was right there; she could feel it, just barely out of reach.

The door swung open, allowing a blistering chill to sweep the room along with the entrance of two women. She heard the guards around her relax their stance as the new arrivals strode into the room. She registered that one woman was speaking to her, but she was so focused on recalling her own name that she couldn’t understand the words that were said.

“Explain this!” the woman barked at her as she grabbed her arm, inciting the green sparks to come back to life from her palm. She may have not known or understood much at that time, but she did know that it was not there before, and every survival instinct within her body screamed at her not to lie to the woman. She would not be allowed to live to see the next five minutes, let alone another day.

“I– I can’t,” she managed to utter out, her own voice sounding foreign to her. She attempted to peer up at one of her captors, the beginnings of a sneer forming on her otherwise attractive face.

“What do you mean you can’t?” she questioned as both she and her hooded counterpart continued to circle her like animals ready to strike. Frustration was starting to bubble out of her, and she prayed to any higher power to allow her to cold-cock both women out with the wood from her restraints, but still, she proceeded with the only truths she knew. “I don’t know what this is or how it got there.”

She watched as the woman’s eyes squinted before accusing her of lying and lunged at her before the other one managed to hold her back. She reasoned with “Cassandra” before swinging around to finally take a good look at the bound woman, now in a better position to properly view her face as she stared back up at her.

Impossible.

“You...,” she began as her eyes widened and the colour rushed out of her face. The prisoner fought the urge to flinch under such scrutiny; it was as if the hooded woman was trying to glean the meaning of life from her very pores. “You... How dare you!” she cried out as her features crumpled into the perfect mixture of despair and horror. “How dare you use her face, her face, in front of me!” A wave of confusion fell about the room at the unexpected reaction.

“You foul, loathsome, unholy fiend! Take it off– take off her face at once, demon!” she demanded, one hand fisted in rage the other behind her, holding a weapon at the ready. “If you do not stop using her face, I will peel it off of you.”

The original interrogator rushed forward and forcefully wedged herself in between them with an arm outstretched to placate her while the other hovered above her sword.  “What is the meaning of this Leliana?” she asked, straightening to her full height. “What are you talking about?” Leliana huffed indignantly as if the mere question was an affront to her. She raised both hands up to show that she was in no danger of attacking anyone, at least not quite yet. “That thing is a demon; listen to me— no, stop, listen to me — they say something fell out of the sky? That she fell out of the sky? That is a demon, and we need to be rid of it before it has the chance to hurt anyone else.”

Cassandra regarded her and sighed heavily. With all that had happened to the world recently, the last thing they needed was for the Left Hand of the Divine to start seeing demons everywhere. The Seeker placed a hand on Leliana’s shoulder and squeezed firmly, hoping that it would bring her back to herself and out of whatever daze came upon her. “Calm yourself, Leliana. Do you honestly believe if she was a demon that she would have been kept at bay by some chains? That she would not have taken the opportunity to decimate our forces at first chance?”

“You have not seen what I have seen, Cassandra,” she cautioned, her eyes still fixated on the kneeling woman.

“Perhaps I have; perhaps I have not. Either way, until she proves herself to be a demon or she has been deemed for execution by trial, she needs to live.”

Leliana remained on edge but at least realised the truth in what was said. Of course Cassandra was right, but that thing was still sitting there with her face, and it made her want to scream. She nodded tersely to signify her concession and took a step back whilst she prayed to the Maker for strength. Strength to continue on with what was needed to be done and strength to stay her hand from letting her knife fly towards the monster’s head.

“Do... Do you remember what happened then? How this all began?” she asked, just waiting for the chance to call out her lies. The prisoner furrowed her brow, confused at the sudden change of tactic. She searched her mind, as foggy as it was, but a memory came forward of her in what could only be described as some sort of hellscape, chased by all manner of beasts from her worst nightmares. There was no end in sight until a being of light called out to her, her words too indistinct to hear, but she knew that if she could make it to her side, it would mean safety in this place. “Things were chasing me… and then… a woman,” she sputtered, unsure if her captors would believe her, unsure if she even believed herself.    

“... A woman?” Leliana probed, her curiosity needing to be sated. “She... she reached out to me, but then- I...”

Leliana stepped forward, wanting to hear more. She needed to know whether this woman was Divine Justinia and if she had any information that could tell them about how and why the Conclave was destroyed. About why she had to die. Sensing a conversation they didn’t have time for, Cassandra moved her back towards the door and assured her that any further explanations would be done on their way. Leliana took a long look at the chained woman, furious that she had too many questions that required answers and no good place to start asking them, so she forced herself to swallow them down and willed her feet to move.

The guards followed in suit and left the two women alone. Cassandra made slow, deliberate movements to show that she was not going to hurt her but release her.

“What did happen?” the prisoner asked as she rotated her wrists once she was freed from the manacles, disappointed that she was still bound by rope. She bit back the urge to groan as she stood up, her muscles protesting at the movement after being stationary for so long.

“It would be easier if I showed you.”

—

She tried to take in everything the Seeker said, along with trying to process the gaping green gash across the skyline and the looming sense of dread that emanated from it. The sky flashed a bright emerald, and the spikes of pain flowed freely within her once more. The terror of being so mortally linked to something so horrible made her want to crawl back into the dungeon once more. This was too much, too soon. Who could possibly handle all this... to find a way to save the world and herself? “... It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn’t much time,” Cassandra explained, her dark eyes focused on the pulsating mark.

There wasn’t much choice either.

“If I can help... I will.”

Cassandra cut the rope and led her through the camp. She didn’t need to be told that everyone there hated her and that they all held her responsible for the tragedy that befell them. It was evident in their stares and in all the words they didn’t say. All that was missing was some rotten food being thrown at her and them hissing as she passed. It was just another weight she carried in the palm of her hand.

“Come, it is not far.” “Where are you taking me?”

“Your mark must be tested on something smaller than the Breach. We are heading into the valley.”

She tried her best to ignore the cries of the soldiers, their fears of the impending apocalypse only adding to the fear festering within her gut. She centred her vision on what was ahead, to learn whatever she could and try to bungle together a makeshift bandage to heal the haemorrhaging sky. She was about to ask for more information when another crack from the heavens had her yelping and falling to the ground, grasping uselessly at the offending hand to dull the agony.

“How did I survive the blast?” she questioned as she accepted Cassandra’s offered hand to stand up. She could see that Cassandra wasn’t sure herself, only parroting the information she was told from others who were at the scene. She stepped out of a rift? There was a woman standing behind her? Well, it lined up with what she remembered, but none of it made sense to her. Surely this was some sort of nightmare after a long night of quaffing ale; she was going to wake up somewhere in a gutter with nothing more than a hangover to worry about.

“Stay behind me!” Cassandra yelled out, rousing her from her internal reverie.

A hideous, hunched creature with spindly arms and a menacing presence manifested in front of them. She wasn’t going to argue with Cassandra; she was unarmed and her body still weak from who knows how long she was stuck in the dungeon. She was looking around to see where she could possibly hide without looking like she was trying to escape when a familiar feeling of peril sprung from underfoot. The demon, it had to be, came towards her, and she desperately searched for a rock to at least defend herself with until Cassandra was able to finish it off. Fortunately, a staff lay on the ground not too far from her reach, and she staked she could probably just smack at it from a distance long enough to survive.

Once she held the staff between her fingers, she felt a surge of adrenaline swim through her, and the almost paralysing fear she previously had was nothing but an afterthought. What a way to find out that she was the kind of person to fight and not take flight.

The demon–no, not just a demon, that’s a Shade– swiped at her, its claws dangerously close to slicing into her forearm. She raised the staff above her head and struck it on its own, then pulled it back to jab the spiked tip into its face, inciting a piercing noise of pain from the monster. Over and over she landed hits to its sides and arms, but she was doing nothing but angering the damned thing. Panic had slowly seeped back into her periphery; Cassandra was still in battle with her own demon, and she was fighting with a sword and shield;  there was no way she would survive with just a glorified branch swatting at the Shade. She would have to get her companion to notice her plight and fight alongside her if she wished to preserve what she believed was the key to closing the Breach.

Taking in a quick, deep breath, she screamed out as she slammed the end of her staff into the ice, hard enough for a loud crack to sound out. However, it wasn’t the ice that made the noise; it was from the clap of thunder that came with tendrils of lightning flowing from her staff and into the demon. The smell of ozone and the presence of magic in the air was reason enough for Cassandra to take her eyes off her fight for a second, the level of shock written upon the warrior’s face mirroring her own.

The demon lurched forward, enraged from the blistering wounds on its skin, its attacks more erratic and frenzied as pain muddled its mind and body. She managed to weave and bob away from it whilst swinging the staff around— some of her movements causing blasts of energy to fly out towards the creature, and others just creating useless sparks that lit up the tip like a flickering candle. The prisoner took the staff in both of her hands and drove it into the ground again, summoning a large beam of lightning that pierced the Shade through the top of its head and found purchase one foot deep into the ice beneath it. Dead. Finally.

Cassandra won her battle and stalked towards the prisoner with her sword raised as if she had just tried to kill her instead of the demon.

“It’s over. Drop your weapon now!” She barked at her, easily forgetting that not even 10 minutes earlier she had kindly helped her stand, and now she was back to acting like she was part of the angry mob back at the village.

“Alright,” she surrendered with both arms held out to show that she meant no harm and moved to drop the staff away.

Cassandra pulled a face like she had just remembered something as she sheathed her weapon.

“Wait, I cannot protect you, and I cannot expect you to be defenceless... I should remember that you agreed to come willingly.” The prisoner sighed in relief, clutching the staff tightly. For the first time since coming to in that dungeon, she felt like she had a fighting chance to survive. They moved on at Cassandra’s bidding, fighting their way through rounds of demons, and just like the first fight with the Shades, the spells she naively weaved fluctuated from doing nothing to utter devastation, earning her questioning glances from the Seeker. She couldn’t help it; she didn’t know what the hell she was doing. All she knew was that she wanted to live and that this staff was helping her do it. “We’re getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting,” Cassandra said, her breathing laboured since their last fight when a rage demon landed a hit to her ribcage.

“Who’s fighting?”

“You’ll see soon. We must help them.”

Standing back to back were an elf and a dwarf fighting off a throng of demons; there was a small green rift in space behind them where more of the cursed beasts were fighting to get through. She did her best to keep up with the party as they cut down the demons one after another, but she barely made a dent before the team defeated them all. For the second time that day, someone she didn’t know grabbed her left arm without her permission. “Quickly, before more come through!” he yelled as if that was explanation enough and aimed her open hand toward the rift. An odd feeling came upon her, like the rift was trying to suck in whatever was inside of her back into it to make it whole. The mark on her hand grew hot, and the seams of it felt like she was sliding down a never-ending coarse rope. When the rift had taken what it needed, the disconnection between her and the rift caused her to stumble back from the sheer force retreating back inside her hand.

“What did you do?” she asked as she looked down at her glowing appendage, thoroughly surprised that it managed to do anything other than periodically torture her.  

“I did nothing; the credit is yours.”

“Well, at least this is good for something.”

She wasn’t proud to say that she had drifted out of the conversation as she took in the scene around her, doing her best to reconcile all that had transpired and the ramifications for the world if she was to fall. Would the mark leave her body? Would it pass on to someone else? Would killing her release the mark and patch the hole in the sky— and if she already had these thoughts, who else may have had them first —and who would want to test those theories?

“It seems you hold the key to our salvation,” the elf continued, seemingly unaware the woman had not heard one word he had said.  “Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass deep in demons forever,” the dwarf joked as he made his way to shake her hand. “Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and occasionally unwelcome tagalong,” he continued, sending a wink to the Seeker, which earned him nothing but a scowl that would cause most men’s testicles to retreat within themselves. She was going to say something along the lines of ‘nice to meet you, Varric’ or ‘are you really from the Chantry with that kind of crossbow’ but Cassandra and Varric were already arguing like an old married couple. She couldn’t tell if there was some unresolved conflict between the two or if they just needed to roll around naked a little bit, or perhaps a little bit of both.

The sound of movement near her had her spin around with staff at the ready. The elf offered her a small smile as he wiped the bottoms of his feet on a patch of snow beside her that was clean of any demon remains. “My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I’m pleased to see you still live.”

“Uh... what?-” “He means,” Varric called over, pausing his bickering with Cassandra, which further infuriated the warrior. “I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.” “Oh... thank you... and thank you, Solas,” she said, bowing her head slightly.

“Thank me if we manage to close the Breach without killing you in the process,” he replied, waving away her thanks. “Cassandra,” he called over to her as she continued to glower at Varric, “your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine any mage having such power.” “Understood,” she easily accepted as she marched ahead, wordlessly ordering them to follow her.

She fell in step with Solas as they headed out toward the forward camp, the awkward elf providing her more comfort with his silence than her friendly banter with Varric, or Cassandra’s desolate stoicism. She had taken to watching him as he fought and tried to incorporate what she could as she stood by him, often catching him watching her from the corner of his eye. He was the perceptive type; of course he noticed when the other mage in the party could barely control her magic, but thankfully he remained silent on the topic.

“So, Lady Prisoner-” “Oh, you do not need to refer to me as such; actually, I would prefer it if you didn’t,” she chuckled as she trudged alongside him. “As you wish. May I confirm by which name you would prefer to be called?” Solas queried good-naturedly, one fine eyebrow raised along with the corner of his mouth. She halted mid-step at what should be a very simple answer, at least it would have been if she knew. He turned on his heel and leant against his staff, regarding her with concern. “If this is something you would rather not discuss–” “N-no, it’s not that…” “Do you perhaps not recall it?” he asked as he raised his hand, a thin veil of visible mana shrouding it. “Did I miss an injury to your head as you slept? Are you feeling any dizziness or pain?”

Dread. It was there festering away. You know it, you know it. You know who you are. Say it.

“... or did the guards mistreat you after I had left? I was assured that harming unconscious prisoners was not something Seeker Cassandra or Sister Leliana condoned.”

You know it.“It’s Elissa. My name. My name is Elissa,” she quickly answered, astounded at the name that spilled from her lips, a name she knew to be her own. Her heartbeat slowed as some of the fog cleared in her mind. “I see. Elissa, Elissa of house?” he prodded further, eyes boring into her.

Elissa opened her mouth to answer but found that this time she had nothing— no miracle name to save her, no magical epiphany or memory fortuitously recalled.

“I... I don’t remember.”

“Ahh,” Solas frowned as he stood closer to her, lowering his voice to ensure the others could not hear. “Do you remember how old you are? The name of the land on which we stand? The year?” he continued, wanting to understand how deep her memory lapse went. Elissa grimaced as she tried her best to wade through her mind for more answers about herself, but no matter how she tried it was like there was some sort of force not letting her go any further.

“I’m pretty sure this is Ferelden, perhaps near Orzammar? And I think it is 9:30? And... and I believe I’m of age... I think. I– don’t know,” she replied, her voice breaking near the end. She did her best to read his cloudy expression but found that he was well beyond her league.

“9:30?” he asked, his brow furrowing. “Yes, I don’t know how I know, but it must be 9:30.”

Solas pursed his lips as he racked through his mind for an answer but fell short. He knew that the fights ahead needed her as calm as possible, especially with her unpredictable magic, and letting her know that she was missing over 10 years of her memories would not be conducive to the composed state required.

“It is best if we cease this line of discussion. I did not mean to cause you any distress; my apologies,” he motioned for them to keep following their companions. “We will not continue at this stage, but I fear it is something that must be addressed. I do not see any physical reason as to why your memory fails you, so perhaps we can find something in your mind or spirit that stops you from knowing who you truly are.”

“You would help me with this?” she asked, touched that someone she did not know would offer such a kindness, especially during a time where something like one person’s memory meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Solas’ expression softened as he looked over to her and smiled once more. “I got you into this by ensuring you survived; it only stands to reason that I help make that life worth living.”

—

Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice. Keep the sacrifice still.

Someone– help me!

What’s going on here?

Run while you can, warn them!

We have an intruder– kill her, now!

Elissa... Elissa... you’re needed, my darling.

Pup, it’s time to get up; you know we always complete our duty.

It is not fair, we know, to ask this of you again. But there is no one else; it can only be you.

—

The first memory she had was looking at a woman, a Mother from the Chantry? She was held captive and crying out for help. It wasn’t long until she saw another woman come running in to assist her, but she was quickly struck down.

She walked towards her before she could stop herself and found herself standing beside her. She did not know how she got there; one minute she was watching the scene unfold from afar, and the next she was in the scene. So many eyes on her from faces she could not see, a voice commanding them to kill her too... and then, nothing.

Except a voice.

A voice telling her they were sorry, and then the overwhelming urge to cry engulfed her before darkness took over.

—

Elissa shot up, ready to fight.

There was a giant pride demon about to trample her, and she needed to stay alive; she needed to get away.

She soon realised that she no longer lay on the ground with the rubble of the destroyed temple strewn about her, but in a wooden cabin of sorts. She could see that it was daytime and could hear that people were going about their daily lives. There was no imminent danger here – no demons, no shadows of dreams she could not understand. Just her, the walls, and a frightened elf.

... a frightened elf?

“I beg your forgiveness and your blessing; I am but a humble servant. You are back in Haven, my Lady,” she rambled, large eyes darting back and forth from Elissa and the ground, unsure if she was allowed to look upon her. “They say... you saved us. The Breach stopped growing just like the mark on your hand. It’s all anyone has talked about for the last three days.” She did no such thing. 

She remembered the fight; all she could do was stand behind Varric as she did her best to disrupt the rift and follow Solas’ barked orders about her casting to survive. She was no great warrior who charged into danger for honour and valour, she just wanted everyone to live. Elissa smiled at the servant and tried to calm her down, but only seemed to frazzle the poor thing further. Practically panicking as she told her Cassandra wished to be told the moment she woke up before racing out the door.

Elissa closed her eyes and breathed in the cool mountain air, crisp and clean. She knew she had to report to Cassandra before the brunette came looking for her upon learning she had woken, otherwise she’d ruin the chance of being trusted to walk about on her own. The last thing she wanted was to have Cassandra have to babysit her or worse, Leliana. The woman had looked at her as if she had every intention of murdering her in her sleep and then somehow finding her in the Fade to kill her again if at all possible, just to make sure she got the job done.

Unsure if she was allowed to look around the hut or not, she only touched the large bowl and pitcher of water to quickly clean the sleep from herself. She was in dire need of a toothbrush and a comb to tame her pillow mussed hair, but she wasn’t about to rifle through the owner’s things lest someone walk in and accuse her of petty theft on top of mass murder. Oh we could forgive the explosion, the thousands of people dead, killing the religious leader of your country... but borrowing little so-and-so’s brush? Stealing some paste to use with your finger like a barbarian- that’s what will tip the scales to beheading.Elissa looked at her faint reflection through the cabin’s window and resigned herself to looking like hell and breathing down wind for the rest of the day, with any luck she’d be able to pop in and out of the Chantry without having to make too much small talk.

She pulled the door open and knew the Maker was out there somewhere, laughing at her. The Bastard.

One soldier had noticed her and saluted at her arrival, alerting what seemed to be everyone in the entire village of Haven. One by one, the citizens stopped what they were doing to stand agape at her before falling in line with the soldier to hold a fist to their heart, and fall into a respectful bow to her. Elissa could feel her heart thump heavily against her chest as it made its way up to her throat, a chill creeping against her nape that she knew was not from the frosty weather. To go from being universally hated to unequivocally adored was a little much to comprehend after just waking up.

Taking a cautious step outside of the cabin and carefully closing the door behind her, she stiffly nodded to some people and tried to say a weak hello to others but was met with only hushed whispers of, “M-My Lady” as if she was too holy to even meet eye to eye. Their reverence, their faith, their hope- evoked more fear within her than anything else had. She quickly realised that there was no way she could remain out and about in the main camp without everyone watching her every movement. The beginnings of anxiety coiled within the pit of her stomach. Elissa didn’t know why but she knew she had felt this way before, as if people would line up around her and just lie in wait to see if she would fail. Clearing her throat as she placed the merchant’s wares down- why was she even looking at a sword for- she thanked him for his time and made her way directly to the Chantry.

She thanked the Maker that the building was empty, however as she got closer to the main room she quickly understood why, three voices, only slightly muffled but still quite understandable, resounded behind the old wooden doors. Elissa could not control herself as her eyes rolled at the sound of the old man, Roger?- no Rupert, no Roderick- of course he didn’t trust them or her. Just another person in a position of power who didn’t realise the greater threat when they were literally standing right under it. Did they have time to take her to Val Royeaux when the world was falling apart and she held the only known key to help fix it? Bloody bureaucrats.

Hating the idea that they were talking about her without being able to join in on the fun, Elissa opened the door and almost cracked a smile when everyone in the room turned to her like a bunch of startled deer. She commended herself at her near seamless save of turning her guffaw-cum-cough at Cassandra dismissing the Chancellor’s order to arrest her as if he were merely a petulant child throwing a temper tantrum. She half expected the Seeker to turn him about her knee and start swatting at his bum and deny him supper for misbehaving. Foolishly deciding to join the fray, Elissa stepped into the room and peered down at the map on the table, a flash of memory, another table, another map came unbidden to her. She pushed it to the side, it was of no consequence. There were probably countless times she had seen tables with maps on them throughout her life prior to waking up in the dungeon.

“The Breach is stable, but it is still a threat. I will not ignore it,” Cassandra said, staring pointedly at the Chancellor.

“I did what I could,” Elissa started, feeling somewhat affronted. “I did everything I could to close the Breach; and if anyone was paying attention- it almost killed me.” “Yet you live. A convenient result, insofar as you’re concerned,” he retorted, insinuating something that rankled at her. She didn’t remember anything, that was fair, but she knew she wasn’t some master schemer whose life goal was to kill everyone and deface the sky.

Leliana caught her eye for the briefest of moments before squaring them off to the pebble in everyone’s shoe, Chancellor Roderick. "Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone the Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died with the others- or have allies who yet live.”

The old man puffed up at the insinuation that he could have been involved and was quick to point his finger back at Elissa. “So her survival, that thing on her hand, it’s all a coincidence then?” he spat, his cheeks flushed with anger.

“Providence,” Cassandra corrected. “The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.”

Now, she certainly did not believe that. She believed she must have gotten a great knock to the head and unfortunately woke up with a shiny, green cursed mark on her hand – probably ate something funny at a pub and instead of the runs, she got the key to all salvation – but she knew that playing along at that moment would truly enrage the Chancellor, and she was in no mind to pass that up.

“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide,” she recited as humbly as she could, thankful at least one thing came to mind rather than just saying ‘the Maker and me go waaaay back. He usually goes by Steve.’ Elissa turned to Cassandra, hoping that she would catch onto her plan, only to feel mildly horrified that her warrior friend was looking back at her as if she had just given her the right to proclaim her as the next Divine.

“We... we lost everything and then, out of nowhere, you came.”

Ah, shit.

“You do realise I am a mage?” she asked feebly in an attempt to knock some sense into the Seeker.

“I have not forgotten. No matter what you are, or what you believe, you are exactly what we needed, when we needed it.”

Ah, double shit.

She wasn’t quite sure what happened next, she had seen Cassandra pull out a book that looked thick enough to kill a Druffalo and thought she was about to bludgeon the man right there in the Chantry. It was probably for the best that Roderick left as it looked like all three women were entertaining the idea that they could have made his death look like an accident; that the cause of death was him running backwards, head first into the wall a dozen times or so. Stranger things had already happened, why not that.

“... We aren’t ready. We have no leader, no numbers and now, no Chantry support,” Leliana huffed, motioning vaguely towards the long gone Chancellor.

“But we have no choice, we must act now,” the Seeker replied, bolstered by the belief in Elissa being Andraste-sent, “with you at our side.”

Elissa could feel her chest constrict again, the brief moment of respite she found in sassing the chancellor, slipped through her grasp and quickly replaced with apprehension. At the end of the day did she have a choice? Truly. If she didn’t help, the world would be at the mercy of the open sky and the unnamed villain still cloaked in shadow. And she’d probably be dead. Most definitely be dead. She tightened the cord at the end of her dishevelled braid as she weighed up her options and blurted the first thing that came to mind in response to their sincere faith in her and their cause.

“When I woke up, I certainly didn’t picture this outcome.’’

Instinctively, she swung her gaze towards Leliana, afraid that she had managed to offend the woman by her glibness. Surprisingly she found her expression to have tempered considerably and the dangerous edge she held in her eyes had dulled, if only by a little.

“Neither did we,” she replied simply, the beginning of a small smile softening her appearance.

Looking between the two women as if she was trying to read between some invisible lines for more clues, Elissa released the breath she didn’t know she was still holding on to.

Survive. You’re here now and you don’t know where you came from. You don’t know where you were going to. Stay and remember. Stay and fight.

With more resolution than she intended, Elissa outstretched her hand over the table, waiting for one of them to take hold. It would not be until much later that night, in the dark of her borrowed cabin; that she feared that their handshake would either save the world, or doom it.

Chapter 2

[thekingofwinterblog]

What do you think of the people you can romance in DAI? Who is the best in your opinion?

I honestly don't have a good answer. For all my time playing Dragon Age Inquisition, for good or bad, it's romances are something I've mostly left untouched simply because unlike Origins, and even DA2, Inquisition doesn't lend itself all that well to replaying the game with a different origins.

A Kossith Mage Herald is unfortunately not nearly as different compared to playing as anything else as it should be. The only exception is playing as an elf, and unlike Origins, that only opens up all the cracks and flaws to the Inquisitor as a character.

The end result is that i effectively only have two Inquisitors I use, and as a result, i have only two romances i've gone through.

With that in mind, i can only comment on those, and what i've seen in other's playthroughs.

Josephine

Josephine is a good character, and if you go her romance, it does feel like you forge a connection... But the game unfortunately does not let you delve into her deepest secrets on such a route the way it should.

One common thing I've seen is a big problem with all the romances is that because Bioware didn't want to touch any of the inquisitors pasts in any meaningful way, it's impossible to open up to anyone about one's past, and get their take on it all.

Josephine tells you of her past, her family, siblings, etc. But you cannot really do the same.

Do the inquisitor have siblings? How do they feel about their parents? Have you had previous relationships? I have no idea.

If the Inquisitor was written as an actual in game person, defined by their background like hawke and the Warden, then the game's way of handling romance would have hit way harder and better. Because there is good stuff here, as I know just going through two romances.

The best highlight of Josephine's romance of course is her personal romance quest where you decide to engage in a duel for her hand, a very, very antivan thing to do, and a display that goes more to flesh out the actual Antivan culture than almost anything else in the games.

This kind of open, grand, romantic displays is what actual antivan society is all about, far, far more than it ever is about the tiny minority of assassins that are their most famous part to the world ever was...

And subsequently, it's excellent to showcase how Josephine differs greatly from other Antivan noblewomen. Rather than be taken in by it all, or swept of the feet, she is angry, and terrified, a results of her own history as a failed bard in the monstrosity that is the great game.

But if the Inquisitor choses to just anounce their love then and there for all to hear(also a very antivan thing to do), she is ultimately swept off her feet, and the lord you're fighting also choses to back down as he realises it's an actual duel for love, while he merely wanted a challnge and the honor of having dueled the inquisitor.

Again, this is a very great way of showcasing actual Antivan culture.

Overall i would say that though there is nothing wrong with Josephine's romance, and i do like the way it's a departure from previous ones by being all about courtly love, it didn't exactly wow me by being outstanding the way Morrigan's and Alistair's did in Origins.

Cassandra

Cassandra's romance meanwhile is both better, and worse than Josephine's.

Better in that you have a much, much more defined and in many ways more nuanced relationship with her, which can actually have some real weight depending on your choices. Like if you decide to actually make her divine... And she no longer feels she can have a relationship with you, despite how much she wants to, because she feels it would not be proper.

I would also say i greatly do like how the game handles the fact that Cassandra's an older woman, who is also a romantic at heart, but not very experienced in such matters... Which leads to an intentionally corny, but very enjoyable wooing scene after setting up a romantic date.

Subsequently, if you are a woman, i do like how she actually does go through a moment where she intentionally turns you down due to incompatible orientations. It's a small moment that shows her awkwardly fumbling as she usually does, but showcases that she is a good girl at heart, as she tries to let you down gently.

Now to the bad stuff.

Namely if you woo her off her feet as an elf... Like I did.

Now there is the core of something good here... But it's not fleshed out at all.

As i've said before, cassandra's biggest issue as a character is that like most of the companions, there are aspects of her personality you are not even allowed to change, and in this case, it's her less than flattering opinions on Elven religion(which even if completely true in the end, it doesn't exactly paint her in the best light).

There is a moment where she questions a dalish inquistor about possible Synchronization between creator worship and Andrastian, but you are not allowed to go any deeper on the subject, either positively, or negatively.

Which sucks, because if it had been, this could have added some much needed peraonal growth for her on the subject, either if you affirm the idea that there is room for such(as we know from lore, you would not be the first dalish to think so) and through that maybe Cassandra might actually learn that Creator worship isn't quite as scary as she has been led to believe, or reject it, and she eventually grows to love you anyway.

Because that is one of the strengths of this romance playing as a dalish. For all the way she talks shit about the creator religion, she comes to both love the inquisitor, and respect them like absolutely no other, felling that they are force of nature, that can do anything. And she does that regardless of whether you convert, is an atheist, or remain steadfast creators worshipper, all the way to tresspasser.

Now, we could debate whether he actually does, but the important thing here is that she believes it.

There was room here to really make something really special by delving into this, as cassandra has a moment where she notes that in the future, she will either be recognized as the lover of a saint, or an elven madman.

It's a poignant moment, which is echoed by what happened with other historical elven related figures in the game, but unfortunately you aren't allowed to ask her the simple, yet extremely important question "Do you care what they think?", instead the closest being "I don't care what they think, what do you believe?" Which ultimately is there to affirm Cassandra's belief in the maker, and that she does fully believe you were chosen by god, rather than allow her to express that regardless of what other people might think, she does love you, and will stick by you to the very end.

That kind of thinking is obviously still there... But it's subtext, when it should have been the main thesis around which her character arc was built.

All in all, Cassandra's romance arc is good... But if you're playing as Dalish, there is a lot of jank that mirrors the way the game handles so much about a dalish inquisitor.

Sera

From here on I haven't actually played any of these, so this is more observation more than anything else.

Sera seems to be okay enough, if you like her brand of humor, and personality, but i've seen a lot of people who greatly dislike the fact that if youre dalish and you refuse to abandon the elvhen gods, she breaks up with you, and is another reason Sera is a terrible character.

I disagree heavily on that front. The fact that Sera refuses to compromise on her beliefs and accept a "pagan" partner is a character flaw... But it's a very human one, and unlike so much else, I would say it's a character aspect you should not be able to change.

Its something that makes her a fundamentally different person than Cassandra, and that is good... But if you hate her as a character already, this really doesn't help much with that.

Blackwall

From what I can tell, this romance doesn't really add much to his character... Though it does add much to the Inquisitor, by showing how badly she wants it, and is willing to play the part of the sub for some love.

Solas

Ah, the Solavellan Hell.

Cullen

I don't really have any bigger thoughts on this one, other than to note it seems to be a better told version of the blackwall romance. Also it tells us that Cullen is not into women who are either taller than him, or way shorter.

Dorian

The most interesting thing about this romance from a character perspective is how the romance quest brings out Dorian's Tsundere side, something not seen much elsewhere in the game.

You only briefly see it in his personal quest depending on your choice of words, and far more in his banter and relationship with The Iron Bull.

Other than that it seems a perfectly decent romance quest.

The Iron Bull

Now this one is interesting for a number of reasons... But by far the most facinating thing about it, is that while Bull is not being disgenious, tresspasser shows us two things.

1. That regardless of how he feels about you, you ARE second to the Qun in his eyes, and 2. The thing he truly, truly cares about more than both the Qun and You if you romance him, is his mercenary crew.

They are his true family, his home, his soul.

That adds a lot of interesting hidden subtext for his romance as far as I'm concerned.

Bull is facinating, because as Cole reveals if he betrays you, there is no malice, no hatred, nothing. This really was not anything personal. He really did like you... But you were essentially just a bond girl of the week to him, and him the great spy, the glamorous Bond, moving on from yet another conquest.

Of course bond doesn't tend to get brutually murdered by said Bond girl(or guy, Bull ain't picky) after the fling, so there is that.

That is a fascinating dynamic, and great and interesting way to handle a romance with a spy.

[mt07131]

for ocs youre DYING to talk about: alone, hate, monster, midnight, torture. for as little or as many as you like.

Y'know I can always rely on you to send asks for ask games and let me yap about my girlies. We're gonna go hmmm let's go Kalliope, Katarina, Maeve Trevelyan and Xuna

Not-so-nice OC ask game

Alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Kalliope: She doesn’t deal with loneliness well AT ALL. Everything in her life revolves around the public’s perception of her and she is all too happy to oblige that. Being alone does not line up with that kind of life, which leads to the fact that she has never been completely alone pretty much ever In her life. Whether it was her family, staff, sycophants, and late Naomi, she pretty much always has someone around her. Because this public persona has pretty much become her, she doesn’t really change when she’s alone. Even when there isn’t anyone around, there’s always an audience.

Katarina: She is okay with loneliness, at times she prefers it. When she was younger, this was a little different, but after Certain Events she prefers it. She finds it hard to trust people nowadays and being around them gives them more chances to poke holes in her, which she hates. She has been completely alone before, frequently in recent days. She is still adjusting to this complete loneliness, but keeping people at arm’s length helps with that, or so she thinks. Once she’s alone, she definitely has a little less bite to her but overall is generally the same

Maeve Trevelyan: If we’re talking pre-inquisition, she’s pretty good with loneliness. She doesn’t necessarily prefer it, but sometimes it is a welcome reprieve. This carries on through inquisition, because being such a public facing figure is exhausting in more ways than one. Completely alone, she has been probably by her own hand. Depending on what’s happened recently, sometimes she seeks that loneliness. Mid-inquisition, this is less frequent as she turns to her companions and friends for reprieves from being the inquisitor. When she’s alone, she is way more casual than people expect. There are no expectations of manners so that all goes out the window.

Xuna: She is very familiar with loneliness, from being an outcast in her own home to being a literal outcast once she’s exiled, she knows how to deal with it. Pre-BG3 she was completely alone more often than not, with her exile, but that obviously changes with the start of the game. She’s honestly not that much different when she’s alone, she doesn’t have any sort of expectations to adhere to so there’s no crazy shifts in personality.

Hate: What does your OC hate? Why? How do they act towards the object of their hatred?

Kalliope: Any paparazzi, most of her family (save for her youngest brother, Theseus), most of her sycophants. They all expect something out of her that she doesn’t want to give up so easily. They all get the same treatment and that is her blunt, biting, poisonous wit. She is pretty much every classic mean girl trope made flesh.

Katarina: Her parents and the cult are her main sources of hatred, obviously because both are the reason she’s even in this mess in the first place (being born simply to be a sacrifice without knowing it will do that to you). When she is faced with them, it’s one of the few moments you see genuine anger from Katarina, as opposed to a dry annoyance, because they ruined her life.

Maeve Trevelyan: Her family, her mother especially. It’s all about expectations, the fact that she’s had so many shoved on her that she didn’t want in the first place, doubly so when they try to keep controlling her life. Faced with them, it’s mostly sarcasm as a response, unless they get her really irritated, to which that will turn into an outburst.

Xuna: Also most of her family (save for Myri), ESPECIALLY her mother (Maeve make an oc without family troubles challenge FAILED), also people who think drow are evil because they’re drow but that’s lower on the list. Her mother has despised her from birth over something she couldn’t control, and her being the matriarch, that obviously trickled down to the rest of the family. In a similar vein, she most sticks with sarcasm as a response (do you notice a theme about my ocs???) but is more inclined to walk away if they’re really irritating her.

Monster: Is your OC monstrous in any way? Is there something that makes them monstrous? Are they aware of their own monstrosity? Do they accept it or reject it? Kalliope: Less monstrous and more of just a bitch, and she is well aware that she is a bitch and plays into it.

Katarina: Absolutely, she doesn’t necessarily look the part but her whole deal as a warlock makes her monstrous. She is definitely aware of it, and she definitely accepts it. To her, it’s power, which she believes she deserves after being powerless for so long.

Maeve Trevelyan: She’s not really monstrous at all, she’s just trying to live her life.

Xuna: If we’re talking in-game, I’d definitely count the illithid powers as her being monstrous as she does tap into them (to an extent, using the astral tadpole and becoming half-illithid is a step too far for her). She is very aware of it, being that it’s the whole plot of the game, and again she mostly accepts it to a certain extent.

Midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping? Kalliope: This woman sleeps like a goddamn baby she doesn’t worry about SHIT (money can solve a lot of problems). The only reason she would be up at night is if she’s partying into the wee hours of the morning.

Katarina: Mostly what keeps her up is her ruminating on her own revenge. She does have nightmares, it’s definitely not uncommon for them to be of the day she became a warlock considering it was the worst day of her life so far. If she isn’t sleeping, she is probably talking to herself (and by extension, her patron).

Maeve Trevelyan: Mostly what’s keeping her up at night is anxiety. Whether she’s doing the right thing, leading the inquisition in the correct way where things will work out. If she can’t or isn’t sleeping, she’s a wanderer. Pre-inquisition, she usually ended up in her family’s library, but during the game she’s commonly seen wandering the battlements of Skyhold.

Xuna: She’s got a lot of things keeping her up at night, many of which have to do with the uninvited visitor in her head. I would say a lot of her current fear stems from that, but having nightmares of her past home life is common for her too. When she should be sleeping, she’s more often than not going through her gear, sharpening her blades and making sure everything is set should she need to move quickly.

Torture: Has your OC ever been tortured? Would your OC ever torture someone else? Kalliope: Not tortured no, unless you count her yearly family dinners as torture (she would). I don’t think she would torture anyone else but she has been known to ruin a reputation or two (or more) with a well-placed word.

Katarina: Yeah I would consider being basically kidnapped and thrown in the ocean as a sacrifice to be torture. She would torture someone else, I think, if she found it justified. Justified in her case means they’re a member of the cult. They tortured her so in her mind she’s right to torture them back.

Maeve Trevelyan: She hasn’t been tortured, just neglected. She wouldn’t torture someone else, she has too much of a soft heart for that.

Xuna: Physically? Not really. Mentally and emotionally? ABSOLUTELY thank you Zelnirra Mizzrune for that one. Being told you’re a blight on your family for your entire life sticks with you. She wouldn’t torture someone else, she doesn’t find any sort of purpose to it when there’s other ways to get what she wants.

[borisbubbles]

Character analysis: Vivienne de Fer (Dragon Age Inquisition)

So, if you’ve wondered where I popped off to the past two months or so, I’m going to give you an answer - I finally bought Dragon Age Inquisition (legit on my gaming wishlist since its 2014 release) and I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. 

The main draw to this game however, isn’t so much the gameplay (if you want a game that feels similar but has better gameplay - Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is what you’d want instead), but the storytelling and particularly the character development are top notch. All nine companions are fascinating and fleshed out in such a realistic manner I’m still gasping in awe on my fifth playthrough.  Thus, a post on it is in order. It’s a bit different from my usual content, but don’t let that discourage you - clearing my head from Dragon Age will allow me to let Eurovision back in and continue my unfinished 2020 ranking.  In this post, I will be analyzing one of DAI’s most interesting characters - none other than Madame de Fer herself, Vivienne.  Now, I’m under the impression that this is a rather unpopular opinion but I absolutely love Vivienne. And no, I won’t apologize for it. As a Templar-thumping elitist with a icy, sardonic demeanor the sheer ‘Idea Of A Vivienne’ is meant to make your head spin. Dragon Age has always been a franchise in which mages are a socially surpressed group and to be confronted with a socially confident enchantress who likes Templars and seemingly supports the social shunning out of her own ambition is the walking embodiment of flippancy. 

and yet, I feel a lot of sympathy for Vivienne. 

Yes, she’s a bitch. She knows she’s one and she’s a-ok with it. I won’t argue with that. Sadly, the “Vivienne is a bitch” rhetoric also drastically sells her short. Vivienne is highly complex and her real personality is as tragic as it is twisted. 

Madame de Fer

So let’s start with what we are shown on the surface. Vivienne is a high-ranking courtier from an empire notable for its deadly, acid-laced political game. She seemingly joins the Inquisition for personal gain, to acrue reputation and power, and eventually be elected Divine (= female pope) at the end of the game. She presents herself as a despicable blend of Real Housewife, Disney Villain, and Tory Politician, all rolled into one ball of sickening, unctuous smarm. Worse, the Inquisitor has no way to rebuke Vivienne’s absurd policies and ideas. You can’t argue with her, convince her to listen to your differing viewpoints or even kick her out the Inquisition. She has a way with words where she can twist arguments around in such a fashion that she lands on top and makes the other person look like the irrational party.

“Thus speaks the Inquisitor who has made so many mature and level-headed choices so far. Such as releasion malcontents upon the population without safeguards to protect them should they turn into abominations. Very wise. I rearranged some furniture. Lives aren’t thrown into jeopardy by my actions. Perhaps a little perspective is needed.”

She’s Cersei Lannister on creatine, Dolores Umbridge on motherfucking roids. If you look at merely the surface, then yes, Vivienne looks like the worst person ever created. I love a good anti-villainess however, and she’s definitely one. 

Yet, she never actually does anything ‘evil’? Yes, she is ‘a tyrant’ as a Divine, but 1) the person saying this is Cassandra, whose dislike for mage freedom is only matched by her dislike of being sidelined 2) Divine Vivienne isn’t bad to mages either? (hold that thought, I’ll get to it). She never actually sabotages the Inquisition, no matter how low her approval with the Inquisitor gets. She never attempts to stop them, no matter how annoyed she is. She’s one of the most brutally honest companions in the cast, in fact. (It always surprises me people call her a ‘hypocrite’ - you keep using that word and it doesn’t mean what you think it means.) The ‘worst’ display of character is when she attempts to break up Sera and the Inquisitor and even then - are we going to pretend Sera isn’t a toxic, controlling girlfriend with a huge chip on her shoulder? I love Sera, but come on.  

Vivienne is a character where the storytelling rule of Show, Don’t Tell is of vital importance. The Orlesian empire is an empire built around posturing and reputation. Nobody really shows their true motivations or character, and instead builds a public façade. It’s like how the Hanar (the Jellyfish people) in Mass Effect have a Public name they use in day-to-day life, and a Personal Name for their loved-ones and inner circle. Vivienne’s ‘Public Visage’ is that of Madame de Fer - this is the Vivienne who openly relishes in power, publicly humiliates grasping anklebiters with passive-aggressive retorts, the woman who is feared and loathed by all of Orlais, and this is the Face you see for most of the game.

The real beauty of Vivienne’s character and the reason why I love her as much as I do (which is to say - a LOT) are the few moments when - what’s the phrase DigitalSpy love so much - Her Mask Slips, and you get a glimpse of the real woman underneath the hennin.

This is the Vivienne who stands by you during the Siege of Haven and approves of you when you save the villagers from Corypheus’s horde.

This is the Vivienne who comforts you when you lament the losses you suffered.

This is the Vivienne who admires you for setting an example as a mage for the rest of Thedas.

This is the Vivienne who worries about Cole’s well-being during his personal quest, momentarily forgetting who or what he is. 

This is the Vivienne who, when her approval for the Inquisitor reaches rock bottom, desperately reminds him of the suffering mages go through on a day-to-day basis because of the fear and hatred non-mages are bred to feel towards them and how this can spiral into more bloodshed without safeguards. 

This is the Vivienne who shows how deep her affection for Bastien de Ghislain truly is, by bringing you along during his dying moments. I love this scene btw. This is the only moment in the entire game where Vivienne is actually herself in the presence of the Inquisitor - needless to say, I consider anyone who deliberately spikes her potion a motherfucking psychopath ^_^)

“There is nothing here now” fuck I *almost* cried at Vivienne, get out of my head BioWare, this is WRONG -- people who delude themselves this is an irredeemable character. 

So, who is Vivienne really?

Understanding Vivienne requires recognizing that the mask and the real woman aren’t the same person. I think her relationship with Dorian is the prime example of this. I love the Vivienne/Dorian banter train, obviously - an unstoppable force of sass colliding with an unmovable wall of smarm is nothing short of a spectacle. However, there’s more to it than their highly entertaining snipes. As the incredibly gifted son of a magister, Dorian represents everything Vivienne should despise, and should be a natural enemy to her. And yet, she doesn’t and he isn’t.. Their gilded japes at each other are nothing more than verbal sparring, not dissimilar to how Krem and Iron Bull call each other names when they beat each other with sticks. In what I think is one of the most brilliantly written interactions between characters in DAI, I present Vivienne’s reaction when the Inquisitor enters a romance with Dorian:

Vivienne: I received a letter the other day, Dorian. Dorian: Truly? It's nice to know you have friends. 🙄 Vivienne: It was from an acquaintance in Tevinter expressing his shock at the disturbing rumors about your... relationship with the Inquisitor. Dorian: Rumors you were only too happy to verify, I assume. 🙃 Vivienne: I informed him the only disturbing thing in evidence was his penmanship. 🙂 Dorian: ...Oh. Thank you. 😳 Vivienne: I am not so quick to judge, darling. See that you give me no reason to feel otherwise.

Madame de Fer can never be seen directly expressing approval to a relationship between the Herald of Andraste and an ‘Evil’ Tevinter ’Magister’. By this subtle, subtle conversation, Vivienne indirectly tells Dorian that she considers him a good match for the Inquisitor and approves of the romance. It’s one of those reasons why I could never truly dislike Vivienne - between the layers of elegant poison lies a somewhat decent woman who never loses sight of the bigger picture. Not a good person maybe, but not one without some redeeming qualities.

The crux of Vivienne’s personality is that she, like all DAI companions, is a social outcast. She’s a mage in a fantasy setting where mages are psionically linked to demons, and grew up in a country where the majority religion has openly advocated the shunning and leashing of mages (’Magic exists to serve man’ - the Chantry is so, so vile in this game.). Vivienne’s “gift” was discovered so early in her life that she can barely remember her parents. Vivienne grew up in a squalid boarding school, learning from a young age that she’s dangerous and her talents need to be tamed and curbed. She is also terrified of demons, as her banters with Cole point out:

Cole: You're afraid. You don't have to be. Vivienne: My dear Inquisitor, please restrain your pet demon. I do not want it addressing me. Inquisitor: He's not doing any harm, Vivienne. Vivienne: It's a demon, darling. All it can do is harm. Cole: Everything bright, roar of anger as the demon rears. No, I will not fall. No one will control me ever again. Cole: Flash of white as the world comes back. Shaking, hollow, Harrowed, but smiling at templars to show them I'm me. Cole: I am not like that. I can protect you. If Templars come for you, I will kill them. Vivienne: Delightful. 😑

Vivienne’s Harrowing is implied to have been such a traumatizing event to her that she’s developed a pavlovian fear of demons ever since. (Hence her hostility towards Cole.). Vivienne is fully aware of the inherent dangers of magic, and projects this onto all other mages. 

Besides, given how Dragon Age has a history with mages doing all sorts of fucked up shit, ranging from blood magic, murder, demonic possession and actual terrorism (yes, *ElthinaBITCH* had it coming, but let’s not pretend like Anders/Justice was anything other than a terrorist), Vivienne’s policies of controlled monitoring and vigilance are actually significantly more sensible than the options of ‘unconditionally freeing every mage all over Thedas’ and ‘reverting back to the status quo before the rebellion’. They’re flawed policies, obviously. When Vivienne says “mages” she pictures faceless silhouettes foremost and not herself. Regardless, unlike Cassandra and Leliana, Vivienne is aware of the fear others harbour for her kind, and how hard it is to overcome such perceptions.  

Additionally, Vivienne’s a foreigner. She is an ethnic Rivaini, a culture associated with smugglers and pirates (Isabela from DAO and DA2 is half-Rivaini). This adds an additional social stigma, again pointed out by Cole:

Cole: Stepping into the parlor, hem of my gown snagged, no, adjust before I go in, must look perfect. Vivienne: My dear, your pet is speaking again. Do silence it. Cole: Voices inside. Marquis Alphonse. Cole: "I do hope Duke Bastien puts out the lights before he touches her. But then, she must disappear in the dark." Cole: Gown tight between my fingers, cold all over. Unacceptable. Wheels turn, strings pull. Cole: He hurt you. You left a letter, let out a lie so he would do something foolish against the Inquisition. A trap. Vivienne: Inquisitor, as your demon lacks manners, perhaps you could get Solas to train it.

This is the only palpable example of the casual racism Vivienne has to endure on a daily basis - Marquis Alphonse is a stupid, bigoted pillowhead who sucks at The Game, but remember - Vivienne only kills him if the Inquisitor decides to be a butthurt thug. She is aware that for every Alphonse, there are dozens of greasy sycophants who think exactly like he does, and will keep it under wraps just to remain in her good graces. 

Finally, there’s the social position Vivienne manufactured for herself, which is the weak point towards her character imo. Remember, this woman is a commoner by birth. She doesn’t even have a surname. Through apparently sheer dumb luck (or satanic intervention) she basically fell into the position of Personal Mage to the Duke of Ghislain. Regardless, ‘Personal mages’ were the rage in Orlesian nobility, and the prestigious families owned by them like one may own a pet or personal property. By somehow becoming Bastien de Ghislain’s mistress and using his influence, "Madame de Fer” liberated herself from all the social stigmata which should have pinned her down into a lowly courtier rank and turned the largely ceremonial office of “Court Enchanter” into a position of respect and power. This is huge move towards mage emancipation by the way, in a society where, again, Mages are feared and shunned and are constantly bullied, emasculated and taught to hate their talents. Vivienne is a shining example of what mages can become at the height of their power. Power she has, mind you, never actually abused before her Divine election. Vivienne’s actions will forever be under scrutiny not because of who she is, but because of what she is. The Grand Game can spit her out at any moment, which will likely result in her death. 

Inquisitor: “You seem to be enjoying yourself, Vivienne?” Vivienne: “It’s The Game, darling. If I didn’t enjoy it, I’d be dead by now.”

Whether Vivienne was using Bastien for her own gain or whether she truly loved him isn’t a case of or/or. It’s a case of and/and. The perception that she was using Bastien makes Vivienne more fearsome and improves her position in the Grand Game, but deep down, I have no doubts truly loved him. Remember, Vivienne’s position at the Orlesian court was secure. She had nothing to gain by saving Bastien’s life, but she attempted to anyway. That Bastien’s sister is a High Cleric doesn’t matter - Vivienne can be elected Divine regardless of her personal quest’s resolution. She loved him, period. 

No, I don’t think Vivienne is a good person. She treats those she deems beneath her poorly, like Sera, Solas, Cole and Blackwall (characters I like less than Vivienne), which I think is the #1 indicator for a Bad Personality. But I don’t think she qualifies as ‘Evil’ either and I refuse to dismiss the beautiful layering of her character. I genuinely believe Vivienne joined the Inquisition not just for her personal gain, but also out of idealism, similar to Dorian (again, Cole is 100% correct in pointing out the similarities between Dorian’s and Vivienne’s motivations for joining, as discomforting it is to her). 

In her mind, Vivienne sees herself as the only person who can emancipate the mages without bloodshed - her personal accomplishments at the Orlesian court speak for themselves. Vivienne isn’t opposed to mage freedom - she worries for the consequences of radical change, as she believes Orlesian society unprepared for the consequences. Hence why she’s perfectly fine with a Divine Cassandra. Hence why her fellow mages immediately elect her Grand Enchanter of the new Circle. 

Hence why Vivienne is so terrified by the Inquisitor’s actions if her disapproval gets too low. The Inquisitor has the power to completely destroy everything she has built and fought for during her lifetime. Remember: Vivienne’s biggest fear is irrelevance - there’s no greater irrelevance than having your life achievements reverse-engineered by the accidental stumbling of some upstart nobody. This is the real reason why she joins, risks her life and gets her hands dirty - the only person whose competence Vivienne trusts, is Vivienne’s own. 

Even as Divine Victoria, I’d say she’s not bad, at all actually. Vivienne has the trappings of an an Enlightened Despot, maintaining full control, while simultaneously granting mages more responsibility and freedom, slowly laying the foundations to make mages more accepted and less persecuted in southern Thedas. Given that Ferelden is a feudal fiefdom and Orlais is an absolute monarchy, this is a fucking improvement are you kidding me. (Wait did he just imply Vivienne is secretly the best Divine - hmm, probably not because Cass/Leliana have better epilogues - but realistically speaking, yes, Viv should be the best Divine and it’s bullshit that the story disagrees.) 

Underneath the countless layers of smarm, frost and seeming callousness, lies a fiercely intelligent and brave woman, whose ideals have been twisted into perversion by the cruel, ungrateful world around her. Envy her for her ability to control her destiny, but know that envy is what it is.  

The flaw in Vivienne’s character isn’t so much the ‘tyranny’ or the ‘bitchiness’ or the 'smarm’. Her flaw is her false belief that she is what the mages need the most. Her belief that her competence gives her the prerogative to serve the unwashed mage masses... by ruling over them. For all intents and purposes, Vivienne is an Orlesian Magister and this will forever be the brilliant tragedy of her character. She was created by a corrupt institution that should, by all accounts fear and loathe her but instead embraced her. It’s that delirious irony that makes Vivienne de Fer one of the best fictional characters in RPG history.  the next post will be Eurovision-related. :-) 

[yukichouji]

OK, so. I just finished the quest “In Your Heart Shall Burn” and I have so many thoughts I just really need to put them somewhere alkfjaskd

Expect this post to be very unorganized and emotional xD

Alright. So, from a purely technical standpoint, this is not the best game I have ever played. There are many glitches here and there, both in the game mechanic and in the visual (though one could argue that they aren’t too annoying and kind of add to the game’s charme in their own way). But damn if this isn’t literaly the best game I have ever played alkdjfasl

I’ve put in nearly 40 hours of gameplay by now and it still feels very much like things are just getting started. There is so fucking much to see, do explore, experience. Even the smallest maps feel huge. There is so much dialog and cutscenes with your companions and advisors. Every single character feels so lovingly designed and thought through and fleshed out. Even those you only talk to once and then move on have beautiful designes, unique voices and characters that shine through.

The one trillion tiny side quests can seem a bit annyoing or overwhelming at times xD But they are still a nice way to be incentivised to explore the maps and a neat way to kill time as you wait for war table operations to finish (though, bless whoever decided to make them run in real time and not in game time aldfjkasld). And damn if the scenery isn’t fucking worth every second of exploring you get to do. I have said this before, but this has got to be one of the most beautiful games I’ve had the pleasure of laying eyes on so far. Granted I am not exactly a hardcore gamer but I’ve played my bit and to me, this is just mind-boggling.

And, oh gods, the main quests. Holy sh*t, really. I am completely blown away. The beauty. The story. The length of the cutscenes. It’s like watching an actual move. But it never gets annoying or seems like it is swallowing the game up, because there still is so much actual game around them. They are so emotional and beautifully done. I am like 20% through the main story arch rn (so I’ve been told) and damn if this story isn’t f*cking amazing.

And there are a lot of other things aside from the story itself, that make this game so amazing. Usually, a lot of games in their design, their characters and their stories are very much aimed at straight men. Which is not to say that they cannot be enjoyable also, but. This game is very much different and I can’t even begin to say how emotional this has me. The entire series so far has been so lovely about representation and everything, adding so many canonically bi characters already. But not only does DAI have two canonically gay characters (one gay, one lesbian, as you do :D), it also offers: Two bi characters, one of them a BDSM tinted romance experience, a possibly autistic or otherwise neurodivergent character, a canonically trans character (let that sink in for a second please. In a fantasy setting. In a huge game of this margin). The latter is not one of the companions, but he plays a decent role and I absolutely love him. All of these characters are created with so much depth and care and respect (as I have already mentioned) and each romance option comes with its own, unique flavor.

Not to mention how much love and detail the game mechanics themselves have to offer. Like, for example, someone had to come up with those quadrillion little side quests xD Those mind-boggling maps had to be designed. But you can also, craft your own weapons, your own armor, chose armor and weapons for all of your companions. There are so many different designs for armor and weapons. Each companion has their own stile you can chose to further cultivate or stray from. Armour can be modified and upgraded in a way that visually changes it. It can be tintet! In five different ways (metal parts, leather parts, cloth parths, some of those devided into two supparts). There are so many ways you can create unique looks. Your Inquisitor has an entire wardrobe of different formal and casual wears just for when you are strolling around the whole as keep you will eventually acquire. (which I just did and my mind is blown. I have been running around in it for like half an hour and I still haven’t seen all of it. bloody hell). There are like five (or more) categories of mounds you can get and all of them are so cool. You can customize your fucking castle. I repeat YOU CAN CUSTOMIZE YOUR F*CKING CASTLE. You can choose the windows, the courtains, the beds, the tapestries and so on. Like, never have I played an RPG that offers this level of an experience. And you know what the best part of all of this is? The thing that in this day and age feels almost mind-blowing? None of those features cost you any extra money. They are all just included in the game. (I mean they do cost you gold xD But you cannot buy gold, you need to collect it in the game, that’s it).

It’s just, the amount of love that was so clearly put into this game, a game made for a community of people that is clearly not the usual sell... man. I don’t know. I’m just feeling a lot of things right now xD I needed to digest that a bit and now it is everyone’s problem haha. Anyway. Back to fun little reaction posts now xD

Also, I took a handful of screenshots earlier and I will make another post with them the next time I start up my PC (am on Laptop right now, easier to think). If you actually stuck around to read all of this, I apologize for my ramblings and thank you. Please know that I love and appreciate you xD

[sinsbymanka]

Hello!! It is @rare-egg-hunt month which means we are officially celebrating all our Solas rare pairs!

If you're following this blog you may be somewhat aware I've been "painting" my eggs all through March. Starting next Monday I'm going to be pushing out a multichaptered story built around 12 of the prompts from the Rare Egg Hunt. It's called Cheating the Dread Wolf and will focus on the post-Trespasser love story of Maria Cadash, Solas, and Varric Tethras.

Maria Cadash hung up the Inquisitor's mantle for the Viscountess' crown, but she's unable to stop her desperate and impossible struggle to stop Fen'Harel from destroying the world both her husband and daughter inhabit. The fact Varric, Maria, and Solas are all madly in love with each other just means she may have enough of an edge to win this game.

In other words, everyone is poly and happy but first there's some shit they've gotta go through. I promise there will be angst, fluff, smut, dad Varric, dad Solas, and mama Cadash. Plus an absolutely ADORABLE baby as a treat.

I also have a playlist to go with it! Here's a list of all my songs and why I've picked them as a sneak peek!

Things That Stop You Dreaming by Passenger

If you can't be what you want You learn to be the things you're not If you can't get what you need You learn to need the things that stop you dreaming Oh the things that stop you dreaming

The PINING at the beginning of this story is outrageous. It is honestly a sequel to two fics, the first of which was written by the lovely @blarfkey who inspired, enable, and beta'd this entire project. (seriously. It would never have happened without her and I owe her so much for the idea and the love she's poured into it alongside me).

The two fics can be found in the series Three Liars Mend Broken Hearts on AO3. It shows the way Solas and Maria can't seem to stay away from each other and the ill advised sexy times that happens as a result (yes these are both smut with plot and feelings). So by the time we start Cheating the Dread Wolf they've already acted on their feelings even though they shouldn't and they're all a bit of a mess.

Rest of the playlist below!

Never Really Over by Katy Perry 

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best? Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

I revisit the theme of not being able to let go and move on a lot in this story - in both good and bad ways. Varric, in particular, is completely unwilling to give up on Solas no matter what. Solas is unable to let go of his past. Maria can’t let go of her distrust. It’s all a mess.

Power Over Me by Dermot Kennedy

So we hide away and never tell You decide, if darkness knows you well That lesson of love, all that it was I need you to see You got that power over me

This is such a good smut song. I will live and die on this hill. It’s on my smut playlist too. ANYWAY. This is a good song for Maria and Solas. Also. Smut. 

That Man by Caro Emerald

Ooh that man is like a flame And ooh that man plays me like a game My only sin is I can't win Ooh I wanna love that man

This is a recommendation from @blarfkey and is the quintessential Varric romance song. I picked this one for a very specific chapter where Varric in effect tricks Solas into a tea party with him and Varric and Maria’s daughter. 

Hold My Girl by George Ezra

I've got time, I've got love Got confidence you'll rise above Give me a minute to hold my girl Give me a minute to hold my girl

This is actually for a chapter that mostly focuses on parenthood and how it brings our trio together. It’s very angsty and heartwrenching and I love it so much. 

You are the Reason by Calum Scott

I don't wanna hide no more I don't wanna cry no more Come back I need you to hold me (You are the reason) Be a little closer now Just a little closer now Come a little closer I need you to hold me tonight

This is THE OT3 song and the unofficial theme song of this fucking fic. I have listened to it on repeat more than anything else on this playlist. 

Me and the Devil by the Fratellis

Tell one last beautiful lie for me Make all your promises rhyme for me Keep me in line but do it honestly Make it real, make it slow, stay alive for me Come on, babe where the line goes dead I'll be fire, I'll be rain, I'll be joy, I'll be dread Come on, baby don't be shy All I want is you and I Out on the street I'll be every face There'll be no man alive That can take my place

This song just gives me Solas related chills. I cannot with it. These two verses in particular scream Varric, Solas, and Maria. This is also on the playlist at approximately the part of the story where shit starts going down. Also another @blarfkey recommendation. 

Move by Saint Motel

This girl, this beautiful girl, with eyes the size of the o-o-ocean. This man, this dutiful man, he's got these mixed up emo-o-o-tions. I want it, can't have it. Oh I can hardly stand it. Oh what's a man to do... Gotta get up, I gotta get up. Move!

A recent addition to this playlist thanks to @paisleybees who sent this to me as I was writing a chapter that fit it PERFECTLY. I actually picture it as a Varric/Solas song for this work. 

Monster by Paramore

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world From turning into a monster and eating us alive Don't you ever wonder how we survive? Well now that you’re gone, the world is ours

Another “shit is getting real” song and another @blarfkey recommendation. This is a McFighterson Cadash song for sure. It’s also what I picture for the sole action sequence in this fic. 

Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars

You only know what I want you to I know everything you don't want me to Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine You think your dreams are the same as mine Oh I don't love you but I always will

Enemies and Lovers. Enemies and lovers. Need I say more?! This is SUCH a good song for that trope!

Silence by Marshmello (featuring Khalid) 

I found peace in your violence Can't tell me there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long I found peace in your violence Can't tell me there's no point in trying I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

Circling back around to themes of letting go and holding on. This kind of starts the happy ending bit of this work (YES I SWEAR THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING). 

This Year’s Love by David Gray

This year's love had better last 'Cause who's to worry if our hearts get torn When that hurt gets thrown Don't ya know this life goes on? Won't ya kiss me on that midnight street? Sweep me off my feet Singing, "ain't this life so sweet?"

HAPPY ENDING. A bittersweet but ultimately hopeful one <3 

Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney

Do you walk in the valley of kings? Do you walk in the shadow of men Who sold their lives to a dream? Do you ponder the manner of things In the dark? The dark, the dark, the dark I am flesh and I am bone Arise, ting ting, like glitter and gold I've got fire in my soul Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

This is for the epilogue. It’s called the Dread Wolf Cub Rises and I refuse to give any other details. 

BONUS

Problem by Natalia Kills 

I'm your dream girl This is real love But you know what they say about me... That girl is a problem Girl is a problem Girl is a problem problem

Bea Cadash shows up a lot in this fic with her background sweet angel boyfriend Cole. There’s been a couple times where I need to write Bea and this is just the perfect song to capture her goddamn attitude. 

Anyway! Happy egg hunting!

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock! (Part 5 of many, and MASSIVE, I MEAN, HUMOUNGOUS SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 2 and the 1970’s Warlock)

Awwwwwwwww yeah we are going there, these compositions are most definitely on purpose.

This is where I realize that my true purpose in this world is to draw and talk about obscure or forgotten works of fiction, and I embrace this destiny. 

Ladies and gents, laughing times are over (not really though), sh*t gets very real again.

I guess it’s a bit late for this but if you have even the slightest interest in checking any of these properties out, do yourself a favor and go experience them first hand. If you just want to see me lose my mind and don’t really care about spoilers then please, proceed.

You know, when I started this little crossover of sorts, I was just having a laugh you know? It was just a cute little thing, I’ll write this one post and maybe I’ll get enough material for a second one and that’s it. THIS IS THE SEVENTH POST (even though it says Part 5). 

Never, and I do mean never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here one day, talking about having your past and your time-travelling-future selves meet and clash, of seeing your sanctimonious attitude and overall the worst about yourself personified and given free reign to go on bloodthirsty crusades showing off how much of a hypocrite you’ve bee- but wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. 

I’ll get there I promise, let’s go back a bit.

Where we last left off, we managed to travel back to an even more distant past than we’ve been before. To the time of the great Vampire Purge, so that Raziel can meet this infamous ancient vampire who knows all the lore and might have the answers we seek on what exactly is causing the corruption of our world.

As we step out into this era of History we notice the fields covered with the Sarafan Order banners, and the impaled corpses and chopped-off heads of vampires. No different no doubt from the kindness vampires showed mankind later when they gained the upper hand during Kain’s 1.000 year old reign. Raziel seems a bit distraught by the sight since he assumed the Sarafan to be virtuous and heroic:

“For all the butchery of Moebius’s crusade, this massacre was somehow more chilling. The killing fields of the Sarafan betrayed a kind of orderly ruthlessness, the cold-blooded righteousness of the true believer.”

“Here at last in the flesh, I beheld my former brothers-in-arms, the warrior-priests of the Sarafan order; their lives devoted solely to the annihilation of the vampire plague. And while I confess I felt a twinge of longing, a pang of grief for what I had believed was my lost virtue, I regarded them now with none of the reverence I formally felt. For I had seen the human face of the vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these men.”

While on the topic of genocidal holy wars, my boy Adam here had a bit of a run with a similar pious little group that goes by the name of Universal Church of Truth, who were going about doing a bit of cleaning throughout the galaxy:

Things don’t go so well:

Interestingly enough, I’ve learned of a deleted cutscene for Soul Reaver 2 that plays out very similarly to Adam’s first encounter with this “holy” order. There was this minor female vampire character that was being hunted down and would be executed by vampire hunters right in front of Raziel.

This scene was probably removed because they knew that almost 20 years later there would be some asshole on the internet trying to compare their games to obscure marvel comics of the 70’s.

But yeah bummer for Adam here, we’re a couple of pages in and he’s already failed to save someone. However, through the power of the Soul Gem, he’s able to retain her soul for a brief moment, letting us know more about these holy inquisitors:

Some of these methods don’t seem that far off from the Sarafan, especially on the twisting of good intentions part, but on a galactic scale:

Aye, a great bunch o’ fellas all around, if you submit and “fit in”:

Damn.

Hush Adam, I’ll get back to your predicament give me a moment. I just want the good people at home to keep both this church and the Magus, the god they worship in mind for later.

Now, back to the game. In the Sarafan Stronghold during the first hour of gameplay, Raziel made comments on the vampire he’s currently seeking while looking at some stained glass depictions:

“So this was the legendary Janos Audron - reputed to have been the most ancient and diabolical vampire to have ever existed. According to folklore, he lived high in the cliffs of Nosgoth’s northern mountains, and preyed mercilessly on the defenseless villagers below. His reign of terror ended when the Sarafan finally hunted him down and tore his throbbing heart from his still-living body. (…) But I wondered - could Janos Audron truly have been as monstrous as depicted here? Or was this merely artistic licence by the Sarafan, who sought to lionize themselves by demonizing their darkest enemy?

Keep these stained glass images in mind, they’ll also be important shortly. Neetheless to say, the hype was very real to meet this Janos Audron.

And as I kept hearing about this gentleman, I thought: “I really love this cast of pricks, where everyone speaks in half truths and is hiding something and has some hidden agenda, but you know, I kind of wish there was some slim ray of hope, of goodness and honor, just some good old plain chivalry and honesty. Maybe this Janos lad won’t be as bad as he was depicted back in the Sarafan Stronghold.” 

It took us a while but we’re finally make it to his retreat.

I really love the entire segment, the hopelessness and feeling of dread while making your way through this place, probably my favourite puzzle area of the game.  I also really love the music and architecture here.

When we do make it to the top, BOY OH BOY were my prayers answered!

Lo and behold, enter Raziel’s new daddy/mentor figure, my man JANOS AUDRON! Proabably the one decent and kind creature I’ve seen yet in these games (if you don’t count helpless human npcs who are just trying to live their lives but are caught in all these wars, slaughter and destruction).

FINALLY an understanding, moderate, compassionate man in the midst of all the lies and deception. I love him! Oh and he has what seems to be a Romanian accent. Maybe a nod to the granddaddy of all vampires: Dracula? I think his design is cool as well, so that helps.

Before we go into huge lore dumps and while on the topic of having a brief father/mentor figure for your protagonist when he’s utterly lost, alone and confused, I thought I’d bridge it with Adam’s own once foster parent, the High Evolutionary:

From the few minutes you get to know these dads they’re very different characters with different backstories and motivations. Janos is this sad lonely old man, the last of the ancient vampires and one who has been keeping himself alive solely for his sense of duty. 

While the High Evolutionary was once a man called Herbert Wyndham who performed an experiment that evolved him into a godlike being. This experience proved to be such an assault on his senses and perceptions that he chose to encase himself in this armour. Like the name suggests he is obsessed with genetic manipulation and tampering of various kinds, it is his life’s ambition. 

Despite his somewhat villainous appearance, he’s never portrayed as such from what little I’ve read, he’s just…a bit creepy. Like, he takes Adam in and is super stoked about adopting him, but he also values him not so much as a person per se as you and me would, but more as one would value an impressivly carved piece of work:

I don’t know, maybe it’s his metal face that doesn’t emote much; his sometimes questionable morality; maybe it’s the fact that Adam was 5 years old at this point, a baby boy, and this pink armoured deity is super hyped about him; there’s something a bit unsettling about this guy. Have some more dubious quotes I’ve stumbled upon:

All in all, I think he did care about him, in his own strange way:

Anyway, what’s important is that these adoptive dads serve a somewhat similar purpose, and that is to push/urge our ”“”“"heroes”“”“” (I say with many quotation marks) into a more benevolant role: to guide them in their messianic mission and save a corrupted world. Basically there to provide a chance for them to be good boys. Up until now their track record leaves much to be desired, and they’ve been quite lost on what they’re supposed to be and do.

Raziel:

“So it’s all true, then - what Kain and Vorador have told me - I really am some kind of unholy vampire messiah…”

Janos:

“Unholy? -no. Messiah… perhaps.”

Raziel:

“I don’t like that word - it smells of martyrdom.”

Janos:

“Raziel, your role in this world’s destiny is more crucial - and more benevolent - than you’ve allowed yourself to believe. Your journey will not be easy - dark powers are allied against you.”

Oh and both dads give their sons their toys (Soul Reaver and Soul Gem):

Back to the meeting with Janos, we finally learn tons of things, both new and others that have been hinted at throughout, namely:

Janos has been living a life of a recluse, alone, on top of the Aerie;

Janos knows of Raziel (some old legend I think) and has been waiting for him to hand him over the Soul Reaver, saying it is the key to save Nosgoth;

The Pillars of Nosgoth were erected by the ancient vampires and they were the rightful guardians. Janos was called to be th 10th guardian, the Keeper of the Reaver;

Over time this ancient race started to die out, with their history slowly being forgotten;

Humanity prospered and since the Pillars choose their guardians from birth and vampires were no longer born, humans were called to be their guardians but were “wholly ignorant of their true purpose.”

The Circle of human guardians is led to believe (by whom we do not yet know) that vampires are a cancer in the world. Janos warns that “with their vampire purge, the members of the Circle have assaulted the very architects of the Pillars they are sworn to protect (…) With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats.”

Janos being a cool level-headed guy here when Raziel says he must hate mankind for all the suffering they’ve brought to him:

“They fear what they don’t understand; and they despise what they fear. But no - I do not hate them.”

I find it funny how Raziel asks if humanity should be forgiven for trying to exterminate the vampire kind and doesn’t realize that: one, he himself was exterminating vampires just a couple of moments ago back in SR1; and two, how he is just like how Janos describes humanity to be:

“They don’t understand what they’re doing. They are simply unenlightened… and vulnerable to manipulation.”

Again, this last line, completely unlike a certain blue shambling corpse I know. Not like him AT ALL.

Then, as they head inside, we learn something odd as Janos presents Raziel with the Reaver. You see, the two times Raziel has been close to the Soul Reaver still in its physical form, reality started to bend and distort (I show it off in this previous post). 

When we met Kain and decided not to kill him, he explained that when: “two incarnations of the blade meet in time and space, a paradox is  created, a temporal distortion powerful enough to derail history”

This distortion, or sense of displacement however, is nowhere to be found now when Janos presents the blade to him. Raziel feels nothing and says that “this nothingness is somehow worse…” and to get it away from him.

We learn the Reaver was forged by the same ancient vampire race that erected the Pillars (which we’ve seen hinted at when we explored the land and came accross all sorts of old murals).

But now THIS is when the game first impales me through the heart.

Me and Janos are interrupted by the Sarafan warriors who arrive carrying Moebius’ Staff (which disables vampires to the point of being barely able to move at all).

And of course! OF COURSE! Of course the moment my boy Raziel finds a truly positive influence in his life to guide and enlinghten him, and that was willing to put himself in danger in order to save him… he is axed! HEART RIPPED FROM HIS CHEST!

And by whom you ask? Who would do such a deed and kill my last ray of hope?

WHY, ME! 

TWICE!

“Me” because I was the one to open an entrance to Janos’ up until then impenetrable retreat, and literally me: human Raziel of the Sarafan that lived during this time period and was head inquisitor!

A bit different from what was depicted back at the Sarafan Stronghold, we found several centuries later (putting the same image here again so you don’t have to scroll up to compare, am I swell or what?):

The Sarafan escape with Janos’ heart and the Reaver, while wraith Raziel has a final moment with Janos. 

This part destroys me:

Raziel:

“Forgive me; I’m sorry… I failed you.”

Janos: (gently)

“No, Raziel. Perhaps this was my true purpose - simply to save your life this once.”

Raziel: (distraught)

“While I have taken yours…”

That last bit is probably my favourite line-read in the entire series so far (which is the most impossible thing to choose since there are so many great ones). But I think it’s the overwhelming sadness in Raziel’s voice that makes it memorable, you’ve never seen him feel like this for another creature.

Breaks my stone hardened heart every time I listen to it. And here’s why I think it’s an effective emotional scene, even though we only get a few minutes with Janos before he is murdered - it is because of contrast. Up until now everyone you meet is some degree of a bad or manipulative person, and you don’t really have a true friend or someone to confide in, there’s no one that really brings out the best in Raziel and it sucks because there is potential there.  So when you introduce the apparently only decent and noble person in this god forsaken land and you’re so used to by now suspect and mistrust everyone, it is impactful because he was truth and honesty in a sea of deception and moral relativism. He was my light in the midst of the fog and the one who saw good in me. And right when you’re finally relaxing and getting confortable the game pulls the rug from under you.

Now, while on the topic of having your past and future meet, there was a little something about the meeting between Adam and the Universal Church of Truth that I’ve been saving up until now. If you remember, Adam was interrogating the young woman who was killed by the inquisitors about the church and the god they worship. When suddenly:

Good news is, Adam must’ve taken a left turn somewhere and ended up on the set for “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, where he learned some latin:

This helped him quickly figure out the Magus’ identity:

Learn your dead tongues kids, you never know when it might come in handy when meeting your time travelling, thousands of years old future-self:

So as you can se, we have a similar self-discovery journey going on but reversed in a way. In Raziel’s case you play as his future self, who time travels back in time, meets his past self and sees what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. In Adam’s case you follow his present self, who meets the Magus (his future self), who has travelled back in time 5.000 years, in which time he has built his empire. Meeting and confronting said empire/future self, leads Adam to see what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. You see, both Adam and Raziel have always been their own worst enemy (their own shortcomings and character flaws). So it would be only natural that we get embodiments of the worst in them: Raziel, the human Sarafan Warrior and the Magus, their past and future selves respectively.

Oof, this was a long one, and I’ve reach the character limit. In the next post I’ll elaborate more on their characters and different selves; and we go through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the endgame for both these stories.

Look foward to me losing my mind even further while I go into time travelling, paradox shenanigans… oh, and look foward to happier times with COSMIC SUICIDE! See you in the near future.

[swgoji2001]

My Thoughts on Jedi Fallen Order

So after upgrading to a new, stronger laptop (pretty sure my stupidity in attempting to run this game on my old laptop hastened its tragic, untimely demise), I finally finished Jedi Fallen Order last night. I had mixed feelings going into this game, as I have some friends who said it was amazing while others said it was a mediocre story with decent gameplay.

Now after playing, was it the greatest Star Wars game I’ve ever experienced? No, but it was very good. Some minor gripes here and there, but overall I had a blast playing the game.

Warning: Some spoilers will be included, I’ll try to keep them as minor as possible though.

Story:

So I’m not gonna go overly deep into the story as I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who still hasn’t played the game, but to be honest I found the plot of Fallen Order to be a bit generic at first. It’s a classic light side vs dark side narrative with a redemption arc or two sprinkled in. In fact, I found the plot of Fallen Order to be quite similar in structure to the Disney Trilogy. Both have MacGuffin hunts (holocron and wayfinder), both include journeys to different planets following the trail of someone else (Eno Cordova and that one assassin dude mentioned in IX), both have mentors who have distanced themselves from the Force (Cere and Luke), and both have antagonists who were failed by their masters (Trilla and Kylo). 

Fallen Order splits off from this more generic route after returning to Dathomir and does it’s own thing, but I found myself asking why I enjoyed the first 75% or so of Fallen Order when I absolutely hated the DT. I found the answer to lie mainly in two things: the characters and the world they found themselves in.

Characters:

Cal Kestis: I absolutely loved Cal’s character arc. He has his own deep personal struggles with his past, feeling responsible for the death of his master. He faces those fears and comes to terms with his past, determined to make a better future. Cal not only comes out of his journey a Jedi Knight, but as a stronger person. Compare this to Rey, who had no meaningful flaws or personal struggles. Plus Cal’s the first ginger Jedi! Score one for diversity!

BD-1: My fourth favorite Star Wars droid, only behind HK-47, KOTOR 2′s T3-M4, and K-2SO. He’s cute, adorable, and loyal to a fault. What more could you ask for in a droid? (Other than a tibanna-powered blaster rifle and a bloodthirsty, anti-meatbag personality of course!) Plus there’s a revelation about his history towards the end that only makes him better and better.

Cere Junda: Star Wars has always had its mentor characters, but in all honesty I found Cere to be pretty generic. A Jedi Master who failed her Padawan and touched the dark side, only to be horrified by it and renounce the Force. Throughout learning her story, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had already seen something like this before. Her arc isn’t bad, it’s well done and feels natural to her character, it was just rather generic.

Greez Dritus: Gotta say Greez grew on me as the game went on. He has his flaw in his gambling problem which bites Cal in the ass a couple times, but towards the end I really felt the connection between him and the others grow. He’s also the source of a good deal of humor.

Nightsister Merrin: Sadly, Merrin being an eventual ally was spoiled for me, but I love the subversion because it was built up that she would be an eventual boss fight. Merrin might be my favorite character besides Cal, I wish there were more interactions with her in game! She’s hot, has a great accent, a wicked sense of humor, and is powerful with Nightsister magick. But beyond all that, she’s a parallel to Cal. Both are survivors, the last of their kind, and I’m hoping that if a sequel is made, it goes deeper into their relationship because Merrin and Cal have great chemistry. I also love how Merrin challenges Cal and Cere’s plan to train the next gen of Jedi using the holocron, putting that idea in a more realistic, less idealistic light.

Prauf: I really feel bad for him. I liked him and you could feel the camaraderie between him and Cal, how he wanted Cal to succeed and do great things. He didn’t deserve what happened to him.

Oggdo Bogdo: Fuck this frog! He killed me so many times!

Trilla Suduri (Second Sister): The Jedi Padawan that felt betrayed by her master and became an inquisitor. I always love it when antagonists have a personal connection to the protagonists in some way, shape, or form. Trilla shakes Cal’s faith in Cere, and plants seeds of doubt in him. She wants revenge and the Emperor’s favor, and therefore we know why she chases Cal across the galaxy. She has motivations for all her actions, which is something that Kylo lacked in the DT.

Taron Malicos: I knew something was off about this guy the second I met him. I quite enjoyed the clash of beliefs between him, Merrin, and Cal. Malicos proposes a way forward, a new Jedi Order, but one founded on darker teachings. He offers Cal that power, but Cal proves his stature as a Jedi in refusing it.

Ninth Sister (Masana Tide): Probably the weakest of the villain characters for me. Ninth barely has any presence in the game at all other than the start and to serve as a boss battle on Kashyyyk. I honestly just don’t think she fits into the story as is. Perhaps if they tweaked it so that Ninth and Cal knew each other back before Order 66 she would have fit better. Ninth just doesn’t have any personal connection to Cal and the Mantis crew (like Trilla does) and doesn’t really serve as a trial like Malicos does. Remove her from the story and not much changes.

(If you somehow haven’t had this next one spoiled yet, I’m impressed. Please skip to ‘World’ if so)

Darth Vader: I absolutely loved how he was portrayed. A terrifying, unstoppable force. You won’t last in a fight with him, your can only hope you can outrun him.

World:

Fallen Order’s worldbuilding was on point. Cal’s ability to sense Force Echoes lets you get a more detailed understanding of the environment around you. It’s a small-scale Star Wars story, but the planets all feel lived in if you take the time to explore them. It’s the small details like the probe droid witnessing your initial use of the Force on Bracca or the side-stories you can discover like the tragic tale of the family running from the Empire on Zeffo or Malicos’ corruption and manipulation of Merrin that really flesh out the world. Compare this to the galactic-scale story the DT told, which somehow made the galaxy feel extremely small and uninteresting.

My only complaint with the world-building is the Zeffo. They’re just... there. Very little is explained about them. Who were they? Why were they important? What happened to them? Why did they disappear? Perhaps this was to leave room for a sequel but to me the Zeffo just felt like discount Rakata. I wish the devs had gone with the Rakata instead, but maybe that’s just me.

Also the wildlife on every world is more than capable of killing you if you aren’t careful so you almost always have to be on your toes for them, which rolls us into the next part...

Gameplay:

The gameplay was great fun in Fallen Order. Leveling up and unlocking new abilities was exciting and once I got the hang of them all, it was so much fun just cutting through your enemies. I played on Jedi Master difficulty (died approximately 75 times, give or take a few I may have missed) and it felt really well balanced. It forced me to study my opponent’s moves and adapt to them instead of being a hack-and-slash type of game. Combos are fluid and fun to pull off, parrying opponents leaves an opening to attack, and you can experiment with different fighting styles.

Customizing your lightsaber and appearance was also great fun. So many different options and combinations for everything! Plus you got rewarded for exploration with these extra customization options, so it adds incentive to do that if you care about appearances and whatnot. You can become the General Grievous of ponchos!

Overall Rating: 8.5/10

Overall Fallen Order was a great game that could have been even better. Of course I have to admit I’m looking at this through the nostalgia of games like KOTOR 2, which flipped Star Wars completely on its head. I would have preferred if Cere’s story had been a bit more nuanced, the Ninth Sister had more reason for being in the story, or if the game had Cal seriously question the use and role of Jedi in the galaxy (he does a couple times to BD-1, but it’s never really built on).

And then there’s my overall gripe about this type of story set after Order 66. It sets up questions like... where was Cal during the OT? Was he dead? Somewhere in the Unknown Regions doing something else? I know the ending of the game sets up the opening for Cal’s story to continue, but still, these types of stories usually end in death for the Jedi protagonist, so I am a bit nervous for his future.

Despite that though, I am super happy I finally decided to play this and am eagerly awaiting a sequel to continue this story.

[vangbelsing]

Time for my ten morbillionth vent post for Veilguard. Or more accurately, me bellyaching about my very specific nitpicks that most other people will not have. Not really gonna include spoilers, but I'll add a cut since I'm certain not everyone is keen to read yet another complaint post for this game. So if you're not interested in reading a huge vent post about Rook, go ahead and skip this.

I have to say, for as much as I like the game, I think all of my pre launch anxieties were well founded. Rook is actually everything I assumed they would be, and I do not mean that as a compliment. And no, I'm not upset that pre launch headcanons are largely not applicable to Rook, but I do think that Rook is several steps back from the Inquisitor. I've always maintained that Inky was one of the best rpg protagonists in any of the games I've played, and this has just solidified it.

Inky was perfect to me. They couldn't be evil, but you had so many opportunities to flesh out who they are, what they believe, their personality and what their life was like before. And despite Veilguard having a wider variety of options for customizing your characters background, it actually feels more rigid than DAI. Not only does Rook feel less like my character in terms of their personality, a lot of their background, regardless of what you picked, feels more set.

I also have a huge beef with how Rook is treated. Where the Inquisitor was age ambiguous and could ultimately be played as pretty much any age you wanted, with only a handful of places where it could be argued to that the dialogue might come off as immersion breaking, Rook is treated like they're fresh out of college at oldest, constantly being called "kid" or having characters bring up their youth. Not only does it feel restrictive in terms of character building, I'm personally just legitimately sick of being forced to play 20 somethings for every single game. My characters age should be a choice, or ideally, not brought up at all. What is the point in letting me customize my character to look older or mature if you're just going to practically ruffle their hair and call them a silly scamp no matter what I do?

(And yes, before anyone brings it up, I'm painfully aware that DAO and DA2 are actually guilty of this as well. DAO being the even worse example, considering you can not only make your character look 87 while having an older brother look younger than you are or a cousin of similar age look like your grandchild, but every one of your family members, no matter your origin, is always white, even if you are not. So literally every DA game has handled that better than Origins.)

I feel like, in some ways, BioWare knows their player base too well, and that's both good and bad. I think they know their players will ultimately ignore things and rewrite/headcanon things for themselves, and I think that will often lead to them deciding something isn't worth investing in since the fans will just do the work themselves. And I don't want that to come off as vitriol towards the team or an undermining of the effort that went into this game. I know it was hell, and I know that time, budgeting and other things had an impact on what the team was able to do, but I feel like deciding to make Rook some young 20 year old that apparently is oblivious by default wasn't so much an accident caused by development problems so much as it was a choice. You should be able to play your Rook that way, certainly, but in an rpg about choice, shouldn't you be able to... Idk, roleplay and choose??

I'm just disappointed because I thought the Inquisitor was almost perfect, and Rook feels like a massive downgrade. In a game for which one of the core pillars was lauded as "be who you want to be," it's just a bit of a letdown that I'm less able to be who I want to be than in any DA game before, except for maybe DA2. And it's doubly upsetting, because in some areas, Veilguard is actually so good about roleplay. Getting to choose your characters identity, getting to decide whether Rook is a virgin or if they have experience, etc. Smaller things like that feel so personal, but they're so few compared to the parts that feel like my choices for who Rook is aren't meaningful.

I just don't think I should have to shake my head and go "nuh uh" every time my Rook speaks in order to build a character that I find enjoyable to play. And I say all of this as someone who genuinely enjoys this game. The game has its issues, but I truly do find it such an enjoyable experience. Except for Rook. My Rook in my mind is so different from how I can make them due to how limited the rp is, and that's never been the case for a Dragon Age game before.

That's it, that's the post. If you got to the end, I'm SO SORRY you had to read my whining. Have a random Emmrich for your trouble 🙏

[captzexx]

Send 🤠 to meet my muse from a different verse! For Eldridge Candell!

A soft hiss of the metal door sliding open announced the arrival of the witch hunter, the soft splattering of acid rain to the metal floor as the door slid shut behind him.  A soft electronic voice spoke as he stood in the doorway, advising him to please wait before the misting of salt water and thrum of fans to dry him off.  The heavy leather coat flapped and shook from the blower above, washing away the toxic tears of nature mingled with the recycled man made ones.  White bleached stains littered the well used coat, the hood just the same as it was drawn back to reveal his rebreather and rubber cap mask.  This was the future, all hail the conquerors.  

Beneath his feet the drain would echo with the gargles of the bleached sewers that lead from the apartment.  This place was lucky with its locations, a lack of stains about the floor meant the plumbing was actually well taken care of.  As the blower came to a thrumming half, the electronic voice would thank him and welcome him to the home of the Bolivers.  There was no response other than shrugging out of his coat and pulling away the mask with measured steps to follow out of the muck room. 

A hanging rack was present as he hung his coat first followed by his mask, the sucking of the rubber cap leaving his balding head to be dropped in a sanitation sink.  The thigh high rubber boots would also be peeled away by a short zipper and effort to reveal the dry dark pants that matched his coat and tie.  Smoothing his suit clear of wrinkles with a steam wand and checking his pockets, a grim faced middle aged man would enter the foyer of his client.

“Inquisitor Candell, thank the maker,” came a pleasant and fake voice, a smiling plastic face, far too smooth to be real regarding him with disinterest.  Eldridge Candell nodded to the man who called his name, his leather shoes clicking softly across fine marble flooring of Mr Boliver.  A chandelier of floating lights lit the room in a mid afternoon glare, warming and comforting in direct contrast to the outside.  Greek furniture meant to give the reflection of learned opulence with its long couches and ivory white finish.  The center of the room was a masterpiece, a marble fountain depicting a pair of intertwined mermaids as crystal water bubbles and spilled about them.  The water silent in its splashing as the mermaids hummed and whispered to each other in another language not meant for man.  

Fake.  

All of it.  

Fake as the very man rose to greet him with a bent wrist and alabaster teeth.  The inquisitor's eye knew the truth and could see it all for what it truly was, the optical cybernetic piercing easily through the veil of binary.  Flat empty walls of metal, a sleeping chamber attached to one wall, easily mistaken for a coffin than a bed.  Poetic justice at its finest.  

Technology had worked its magic to create comfort to a dying world and its deteriorating hosts.  Deteriorating being an understatement to the bulbous figure in the activity chamber that shook and blinked in its cybernetic dreamscape.  The contrast between the bald, soft body of Boliver hooked to so many wires was hard to swallow compared to how he saw himself in the dream.  The truth seen by Eld’s one blue eye and the blipping twist of the lie in his green one was the Order's burden to bear.  It made inquisitors jaded and cynical and he was no different.  With a deep breath drawn, Candell knew the perfunctory behavior required of his office and what the Bolivers offered the Order in funding.

The inquisitor shook his hand.  “Councilman Boliver.”

The fake plastic smile widened as he shook back daintily, his sweet baritone echoing in the hall.  “I trust you know why I called upon you.”

“I do, I understand you have a haunting.”  The witch hunter tried not to show his eagerness in releasing his hand from the warm silicon of the bureaucrat’s flesh.  Boliver knew though as he turned away to a tray of refreshments, mostly consisting of bottles of wine and fruit.  Eld would frown again as his clear vision tried not to see what was really on that tray.

Boliver nodded as he scooped avocado to a piece of toast, the crunch causing Eld’s face to grimace hard as he folded his hands behind his back.  Boliver chewed but his voice never faltered as he spoke to the public servant.  “Indeed, poor dear was having a tizzy of a time and then went into all sorts of spasms.  Screaming and whining, it was quite unseemly for a program of her caliber.  Especially with the governor logging in just before.”

“I understand, I’ll take a look and see if I can find the root of the error,” Eld replied with practiced ease.  It usually ended the small talk instantly.  The councilman would wave him off as his eyes were now drawn to the growing lewd movements of the mermaids.

Closing his green eye, Eld would stalk back toward the entrance of the apartment.  It was easier to be in reality for this work.  Fishing into his coat pocket, his tablet would be drawn out and unfolded as a facial scan followed by retinal scan enacted for security.  The black box lit the darkened room and his face before bringing up the welcome screen of Xbow industries.  

“Bandit,” Eld would say softly as the tablet focused and processed his avatar, the black dog sitting patiently for orders.  A sliver of a smile was given to the digital beast, who in turn wagged its tail steadily in an otherworldly AI way.

“Good boy,” Eld would say though he knew the wireless connection between the two hardly required audible orders.  The dog tilted it’s head as Eld began to relay the situation of the haunting.  The rogue program went haywire, likely an error in the root and needed a restart.  The dog took it all in swiftly in a matter of seconds before the prompt floated between the partners.  “Engage?”

“Kahar.”

The dog shimmered a moment and disappeared, a loading circle turning as the inquisitor waited for the search to complete.  The Xbow-19 was a couple years older than the newer 22,  but it worked just fine for what they needed it for.  Eld yawned and began to feel his eye ache as he kept it closed for so long, sighing as he opened it back to the dream.  He wished he hadn’t.

It was a massacre.  Once had been opulence now was carnage as the sun had set in the lighting to match the red of the blood and gore about.  His shoes gently stepped through the digital visceral as he tried to calm his stomach and nerves of being caught between both worlds.  The green eye drank in the horror as smear of blood and guts hung from the walls to stain the tile below mixed with plastic flesh of binary death.  All alabaster skin, over and over replicated as larger pieces sat thrown about like discarded dinner bones.  The teeth marks and torn flesh made it very apparent dinner had become a feast.  

Eld’s instinct kicked into high gear as he checked Bandits search time.  65 percent complete. 

 “Damn.”  The witch hunter heard himself say aloud, echoing in the grotesque silence of the ravaged apartment.  It did not fall on deaf ears.  The fountain was empty.

Rising from beyond, the two marble mermaids splattered in dripping red eyed him from across the room.  Their eyes no longer pale empty but sharp and bright.  Human.  

Eld accessed his security protocol, his hand in the real world shaping with a thumb up and index extended much like a child at play.  Digitally the hand now bore the black stock of an Ares Predator, hardly a unique pistol but extremely reliable in his mind.  Lifting the weapon to aim at the creatures in the dream and his hand in reality he would stare in the monsters’ visage and the twitching wired form of Boliver in reality.

“Do not move.”  Eld’s voice echoed in both worlds as he trained his finger gun on the pair of slithering creatures, a habit of grounding himself in reality.  His green whirling and searching to track the digital monsters as they refused his order and moved through the binary gore.  Eld peered up just a moment to Bandit’s search counter, 82 percent.

“Why?”  One mermaid spoke through red rimmed marble lips,  her head tilting back and forth as she watched him.  “What do you hope to do, Inquisitor?  Are you going to capture us?  No.  You have only one job.”

The other mermaid swam about the other side, she seemed to shout a whisper directly at him.  “Kill.”

Marble bodies shifted and swam through the air as the let out a siren wail into the holographic night, the gore and world trembling from their surge in the councilman’s server resources.  Mouths wide and gnashing teeth as the beautiful faces twisted into gaunt feral masks of anguish and hate, their clawed hands grasping about at the tender pale meat of Boliver.  Hands and legs launched through the air to splatter against walls as the still living piece of the councilman moaned from his position pinned to the floor.  It was a delirious wail as the appendages began to try and reform out of the Dream’s programming only to be torn off with a vicious predator’s might.  The screams heightened into maddening laughter as the statues kept Boliver a writhing torso.

Eld grimaced as he stood his ground, the maddening swirling vision of horrific beauty that were the statues trying to dizzy him.  The same in the real world kept him locked in place as he thought again of the percentage.  88 percent.  He had to stall just a little longer.  “Are you sure?  These days the Order is a bit more forgiving and curious of the ramifications of the THUL program.”

Both statues hesitated a moment, their eyes narrowing as a key word had broken their predatory game into far more dangerous territory.  

Eld continued to hold his ground as he licked his lips in the real world.  “I see you are very aware.”

“They stole what wasn’t his.”

“You sold it to them.”  Eld replied coldly, his fear ebbing at the drop of percentile.  93 percent.

“They trapped me.  I don’t deserve this.”  The mermaids were speaking in one voice now, their bodies swirling and coming together as they reached for one another.  

“You signed that contract.”

“I didn’t know!”  The mermaids twisted and began to meld together now,  honing their shape into melding as two tails became two legs.  Arms retracted and faces embraced in a sorrowful contact as they melted quickly into one being.  Drifting slowly to the tile floor as bare feet caught it among the short whispers of a hospital gown.  The man now there was gaunt and bowed, his head bare but for large brown and blotches along his skin.  His final moments.

For a moment Eld let out a short sigh as he lowered the finger a moment, hoping that he’d talked him down now.  The gaunt figure shook with shuddering gasps as his skin grew from blotchy and pale to graying and blue in the low light of the sunset within the dream.  Eld slowly crept closer as he lowered the pistol further to allow his hand to relax in the real world and derez the weapon in the dream with gentle release of his hand.  

The witch hunter was now kneeling before the sickening man as he gently reached a hand to his shoulder.  “What’s your name?”

“Fred,” the man gasped out as he looked back into the mismatched eyes of the inquisitor with his yellowing irises.  “Fred Mann.”

Eld sighed as he knelt before the digital construct of the lost soul, the ghost in the machine before him frightened as he probably was at the end of his life.  A hand would gently reach forward to touch the representation before a soft chime echoed in the air that caused him to look up swifting in surprise and fear.  He’d forgotten the status bar, his one eye widening as he saw the flash of status 100.

“No.”

Fred didn’t even have a chance to scream as his form began to shimmer, his mouth starting to open before the shrill sharp echo of the restart began and finished.  The yellow irises blazing a moment before paling and fading into white, the former program that had led it into it’s scandalous mermaid form pushing and tearing back again.  It was horrible to imagine what was happening to him as much as it was to watch it occur in the blink of a few seconds, eventually the black sultry eyes of the program looking up at him with dead smiles.

“Hello, Inquisitor,” they spoke as one, their volume adjusting to the former levels as they swirled in the air a moment.  “How may we serve you?”

Eld frowned and lowered his head turning away from the naked writing statues he had seen when he first came in, the dog sitting behind him with steady eyes as his task was complete.  He knew the dog wasn’t real, none of it was really.  But that fear in the ghost’s eyes, the dead memory’s pain had been very real.  Eld would softly ruffle the ears of the pixelated beast, closing the program with the creature darkening and disappearing back into stasis.  A shaky sigh to follow as he voiced the command to the program.  “Revert program to user settings.  Clear history and cache.  Run diagnostic.”

“By your will, Inquisitor Candell,” the mermaids spoke again and began to swirl in the air with a gentle hum of electronic work as the world around him cleaned up and pieced back together.  

Eld would close his green eye and the falsehood would fade to reveal the empty metal room, a hand gently reaching into his pocket to pull out a leather cap.  Lifting it to the eye, he could feel the suction grip his skin and snap into place, initiating the synthetic eye into status and giving his mind a break.  Light knew he needed it.

A gurgling, exhausted voice rose into the reality behind him.  Bolivar’s true voice whiny and high pitched compared to the dulcet tenor of his virtual representation.  “My thanks to you, Inquisitor.  I assure you I will have the credits awarded to the Order by the end of the day, along a small stipend for yourself.”

Eld continued into the room, his hand passing over the motion sensor to let him back into the muck room.  He’d had enough of disgusting bureaucrats, let him send the payment and be done with it, he’d make sure the ‘stipend’ ended up with the main bounty.  The greed made him ill.

A few moments later the Inquisitor would be covered again in the same rubber as he came in with his mask rebreather silently filtering the intense pollution of the city.  By the clocks it was supposedly morning, but from above it would always be raining. 

@safrona-shadowsun

(I’m so sorry this took so long to put together, but it’s closing on 2020 now and I had so much done it was best to get it finished!  I hope you enjoy this cyberpunk kind of idea for Eld and the Order I imagined.)

[midnightswaltz]

Stories I want to write

both @swaps55​ & @theoriginalladya​ said anyone who wants to can & I want to.

Spoilers for some of my future stories, but generally only the ones I may never get to write or it will be so long before I do that this post will be long forgotten.

Tagging: anyone who wants to, I would really like to see other writer's idea

This got kind of long, because I’m good with ideas, writing them is harder.

(First, does it count if I’ve actually started posting it, but haven’t even gotten the 2nd chapter up yet? In a over a year?) Through the Dark Places Dragon Age Origin. Female Surana/Alistair My Warden’s story. How a mage apprentice eventually became The Hero of Fereldan. I have about 60K words on this, but not chapter 2, which is super annoying right now. I want to write it, I even have a general summary of chapter 2, I just keep drawing a blank when I go to write it. I’d say it’s like pulling teeth, but I’ve had teeth pulled - writing is harder.

In the Darkness You Will Reach Dragon Age Inquisition. Female Mage Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford The longfic write up of Irivel “Ravi” Lavellan, my Inquisitor. I started writing down bits while I was playing through the game. Fixing things that annoyed me, or how Ravi would have actually responded in certain situations. Then how she was feeling during certain places, and before I knew it, there was a Scrivner file 100K words full. Unfortunately, it isn’t actually in enough coherent semblance to the story as a whole. I did write the first chapter (6k words!) but I want to rewrite & streamline it, but I’m kind of at a loss as to how right now. There are two stories that take place in this story that I could possibly pull out and write out on their own, but I’m unsure if that would leave holes in the story as a whole when I did finally write it. Title is from Neil Gaiman “And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand, not knowing for certain if someone else is even there. And your hands will meet, and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again” Which is basically her relationship with Cullen. I didn’t intend it, but as her character fleshed out the two of them ended up being almost like opposite sides of the same coin. They’re both very different, but also very much alike.

The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep I wanted to write down what happened before the Conclave and how Ravi got there. It was supposed to be a character exercise, then became something more akin to a prologue that I could would go with ItDYWR, but now, it’s kind of it’s own thing. I’m still considering just polishing up the first chapter and leaving it as a one-shot & let folks fill in the rest, though.

Unnamed DA modern/future/reincarnation story 1 Okay, this story is kind of, well, I don’t know what. Soap opera might be a good description. Basically, it’s a thousand or so years in the future. Whatever Solas did backfired - hard - & magic disappeared entirely. For so many generations that the current world Thedas believes all the stories are just stories. Magic doesn’t and never did exist. Current Thedas has real world 2020 levels of tech (there was a point where I considered this takes place in the Mass Effect Universe & where magic = biotics, but it didn’t really fit). Anyway, magic doesn’t exist. Except it is now returning. Society as a whole still don’t know, but there’s a group (The Circle) that is aware & is basically kidnapping anyone showing any magical talent & using them for their own ends. Cassandra’s future incarnation & Cullen’s are both a part of this group, though they think they’re only policing the dangerous mages. They and others in the group (Alistair, Surana, Blackwall, Bull, Josephine)  eventually discover it’s true ends (which I haven’t entirely figured out yet, tbh) & work to stop it. At one point, I thought Cass & Cullen should discover the sleeping Solas & he would help them open their eyes to the injustices they’re perpetuating, but I’m not sure how that would really work in. Important notes: Cullen’s incarnation has amnesia (yup) and is a mage himself, through the story he keeps meeting with the spirit of a young girl in the Fade. At the end of the story he discovers that The Circle is the cause of his amnesia, and who he was before (though most of the memories don’t come back, yet. There is one, of a red haired elven woman), and that the spirit he’s been meeting with is a living mage girl. Alistair and Surana take over the Circle & announce it’s existence, & magic’s, to the rest of the world

Unnamed DA modern/future/reincarnation story 2 (sequel to the above) 6 months after the first. The first story dealt with The Circle. This one is predominately about the mages in hiding from The Circle. Despite the Circle going public, most underground mages still don’t trust them & society at large is still super wary of magic. Even after losing her arm in Trespasser, Ravi’s spirit has held onto some of the magic left from the Anchor. When magic begins reasserting itself her incarnation (single mother, librarian) finds that she can open small rifts in the Veil & help/kick spirits to the other side of it if need be. Underground mages had banded together against the Circle, learning from and teaching magic to each other. Ravi’s primary teacher is Dorian, her best friend is Varric (still an author, they met when he was doing research for a book). Hawk (mage), Sera (mage), Leliana (hacker who helps hide mages), Mother Giselle (also helps hide mages) are also allies. (Everyone shows up in some capacity or other, eventually) The Venatori are a new group who are trying to destroy the Veil entirely and so they kidnap Ravi to use her ability. There’s a major fight at a mall where she has to leave her daughter hiding in a storage closet. Cullen is the one who finds her & discovers she’s the little girl spirit he’s been meeting in the Fade. And her mother is the red haired elven woman he remembers.

Terra Incognita Mass Effect Andromeda. Female Ryder (Evelyn)/Jaal My Evelyn Ryder’s actual story (I consider “Recombined” an AU of this. Some events mentioned in Recombined come from my headcanon & work on TI). Similar situation to Ravi’s story, I just have 80K on it.

Unnammed MEA Post-Game, Evelyn/Jaal established relationship This one I don’t know if I will ever write. I don’t feel qualified to do it justice. Basically, Jaal is captured by the Kett & sent to a labor camp where they are rebuilding the exaltation temple. (In TI, some resistance soldiers used the chaos after rescuing the Moshae to sneak in and destroy it) The new location is deep in the Scourge and no ship carries the navpoint. One of his fellow slaves is the brother that stole Allia from him, I’ve named him Esan. He’s been captive for years. He has some knowledge of the Milky Way species because some are also in camp. Esan has pretty much given up all hope of rescue & tries to make Jaal do the same. Jaal has a great deal of faith that Ryder will find him, but after a some time (I keep thinking he’s at camp total of maybe 2 weeks) remembers that even she has limitations. He, with help from a few others, sneaks into communications (or something, I don’t have it really figured out) and manage to send an SOS. They are caught but Esan arrives and distracts the guards. They are still almost killed, then Ryder with a whole bunch of Resistance back up arrives. (I have a very clear scene in my head, where Vetra and Liam are the first crewmates he finds & when he asks after Evelyn before they can answer there’s a very, very loud explosion & the lights flicker & Jaal’s just like “Ah, there she is.”) Ryder/Jaal reunion scene after the battle is where this started in my head. Esan survives (I’ve gone back and forth as to whether Allia does to, I kind of want that scene, but she’s never in my mind when I imagine this story) and gets ferried home to Havarl on the Tempest (along with some other Angaran survivors). I feel like this is a dark story, I mean given the subject it really should be, but I’m not great at dark & I’m very much a happily ever after sort of person, which is why I feel like I couldn’t do it justice.

[pikapeppa]

5 Questions For Writers: Lovers In A Dangerous Time

Part 2 of this meme because I’m greedy. (Part 1 for Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me is here!) 

Tagged by Genius Meme Inventor @serial-chillr​ and also by the bevvy of babes including @johaeryslavellan​ @faerieavalon​ @elveny​ @dafan7711​ @solas-disapproves​!

Tagging forward to @myfeyrelady​ @lethendralis-paints​ (I know you’re going to say your pumpkin brain has no words, but YOU ARE THE CREATOR OF SO MANY GOOD IDEAS SO TELL US ABOUT THEM!!), @tryvyalsynnes​ @irlaimsaaralath​ @charlatron​ @wardsarefunctioning​ @dickeybbqpit​ @galadrieljones​ @thevikingwoman​ @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul​ and anyone else who wants to play!

Here we have it for Lovers In A Dangerous Time (i.e. Fenris the Inquisitor), with beloved at by @lethendralis-paints​!

1. What was the idea that started the story? 

I think I’ve said this before, but someone in a DA Facebook group shared some snapshots of banter along the lines of ‘what if Fenris was the Inquisitor’ and my brain was like: [lightbulb] lol. I had a clear idea of how Fenris would become the Inquisitor, and I had a very powerful image of Fenris and Rynne Hawke getting separated just before the Conclave explosion and then finding each other at Haven, and I just really wanted to write those two moments. The rest of the fic sort of took off from there. 

This is also not an original idea by any means, since others have written Fenris the Inquisitor fics already. But as with anything in fanfic, different people have different takes, and this is my take on it through the lens of Fenris and his relationship with Rynne because I’m utter trash for them, and I’m thrilled to be writing it.

2. Did you make an outline? Have you stuck to it? 

Let me start by saying I did not intend to novelize the game; I only really meant to do a few oneshots of memorable moments in Inquisition. But after writing the first two chapters, I knew the format I’d started would not lend itself to disconnected oneshots the way my canon FenHawke stuff did. 

So yes, there is an outline. It started out with those few big-moment ideas I wanted to do, and it’s evolved over time into a document that’s currently 61 pages and will get longer, since I have yet to flesh out the JOH DLC chapter(s? not sure how I’ll deal with JOH yet) and there is more still to flesh out for Trespasser. As to whether I’ve stuck to it... largely, yes! Sometimes events get shifted around, and some chapters have gotten split into 2 or even 3, but I have largely stuck to it. 

 3. What’s your favorite part of your story? 

THE FENSHIPS (i.e. friendships with Fenris HAHAH) and the PARTY BANTER. It has been such a joy developing his relationships with the Inquisition crew. I think this is part of what makes Fenris such a compelling idea as an Inquisitor: his Tevinter background, personality, and complex attitudes about mages make him so much fun to write into conversations with the Inquisition crew, particularly with Cassandra, Dorian, Solas and Cole. I’ve especially loved writing his relationship with Solas because I’m convinced that it could go either way for so many reasons (I won’t ramble about this at length LOL, I’ll spare everyone this). Indeed, Fenris and Solas have had both their disagreements and their moments of camaraderie in this fic, and both have been a joy to write.

Blackwall, Bull, and Sera have had less facetime in this fic, but parts of their histories are obvious mirrors of parts of Fenris’s past as well, so they’ve each had at least one chapter to shine with FennyFen. 

Finally, and obviously, writing Fenris and Rynne’s relationship. Keeping an established relationship interesting can be a challenge, but Fenris and Rynne are constantly clashing and growing together as they keep running into shitstorm after shitstorm in this fic, and I hope (HOPE HOPE HOPE???) I’ve been able to keep them both grounded/realistic and interesting. 

 4: Who is your favorite character and why? 

The usual suspects: Fenris and Rynne, obviously, since I am garbage trash for my babes. And everyone already knows that Solas and Cole are my Inquisition favourites.

 5. Did anything happen that surprised you as you were writing? A plot point, or characters’ actions, etc?

Dorian! When I started writing this, I was actually pretty uncertain how Dorian and Fenris would get along. I was hoping they would eventually become friendly or at least cordial, but I didn’t want to force it to get there. At the point where the fic is now, Dorian has become one of Fenris’s closest friends in the Inquisition (though Fenris would probably roll his eyes if you ever said so), which was a true surprise to me. Getting the chance to write Dorian and Fenris hanging out together has made me love Doribae even more. 

The thing that happened to Carver also came to me out of the blue. I knew I wanted him to join the Inquisition, but at the point when I actually wrote him coming to Skyhold, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with him from there. His arc was a stroke of... madness? genius? masochism? TAKE YOUR PICK.

You can read Lovers In A Dangerous Time here on AO3!

[crqstalite]

Little Something. [Koth Vortena/F!Sith Inquisitor]

Based on Koth's idle dialogue - 'Got a little something on your...there you go'.

Set Post Knights of the Fallen Empire, Pre-Knights of the Eternal Throne.

-

Oh what had she done to deserve this? A beautiful evening out, little to no threats to speak of...it seemed that things were finally turning up for the young Sith -- or Commander, as most addressed her these days.

Yes, they were in the middle of what seemed like a never-ending war against a galactic superpower. Yes, there was a new problem every damn day. Yes, the star fortresses would need to be dealt with at some point. Yes, her family and more importantly, her father was still missing and assumed dead. Yes, Senya and Arcann were out there somewhere after her failed murder attempt. Yes, the Gravestone was still under heavy repairs and wouldn't be ready for weeks more. And yes, SCORPIO and Vaylin were still very much at large and probably planning her demise from their fancy little Spire.

She hated SCORPIO with a passion. Arcann would always top that list, but SCORPIO was a close third after Vaylin.

But today was not a day to reflect back on their failures, on what was wrong. Today was a day to celebrate. And celebrate the Alliance would. Arcann was off the throne, and the Alliance was growing larger by the day with new recruits from across the galaxy. She may not have been the most perfect commander in the galaxy, Sith rarely were, but she was passable. She wasn't dead yet, which was a plus by itself. Odessen has finally hit it's summer cycle, just in time for their little party. The evening on Odessen was just beautiful, the day beginning to end but the party just starting. The valley is painted in colors of gold and pink with the lights sending shadows every which way. For now, she's not afraid of them.

Well, nothing with the Alliance was ever little. It had become such a widely anticipated and attended party that she and Lana had to move it down into the wilds below the main base to keep things from getting too out of hand. Corsha is very happy that after her little debacle with Valkorion, they'd sent a team down to clear out the forest from the little beasts that seemed to have a taste for flesh. It was very satisfying to watch as they were essentially exterminated, and she figures HK would've had a field day. There was no trace of Satele and Marr though, to Theron, Lana and her disappointment. She was beginning to think she may have imagined the whole thing, seventy-two hours of pure hallucinations as Valkorion played games with her mind. Wouldn't put it past him.

But now, they had a beautiful valley to be in tonight. All that was well would end well.

She just barely avoids getting knocked into by a Mandalorian, who ignores her for the most part and continues arguing with another of his brothers or sisters. She chuckles, today wasn't a day to be upset about the little things. Getting here in the first place was the good part. Senya wasn't here to sing for them like she'd promised, but there were plenty willing to take her place. It wasn't a particularly formal event, which is why their most recent and more violent...excitable allies were still in their armor -- beskar'gam according to Torian -- but some others had taken the opportunity to dress up a bit. She herself, itching to get back into her formal clothes had swiped at the chance, managing to find a dress somewhat like her favorite one that was surely still in her apartment on Dromound Kaas. A beautiful dress that hugged her hips, a dark red bodice with lacy sleeves up to her elbows, and a small slit that only ran about a third of the way up her thigh. She'd had to go for a style that cut off just below her knees, just in case a beast just managed to breach their little sanctuary, which was rather sad, she always adored trains. Her mother's planned wedding dress had one that was beautiful and lacy, which she hopes she'll wear one day.

Her face heats as she thinks of the man she hopes has to wait to see her in it.

She walks a tad faster to find the rest of the inner circle of the Alliance. In a small overhang decorated with string lights further away from the action, she finds that Theron hasn't forgone his red leather jacket, but has changed into clothes that aren't ripped or stained with blood. A little dressier, she'll give him that. He still wears his blasters, maybe expecting trouble, but the ever present datapad isn't anywhere to be found. Hopefully confiscated by Lana, who stands nearby and is surely joking with him, a rare smile on her red-painted lips. Her outfit has also been forgone for the most part, instead choosing a lightly armored forest green set.  Green had always been her color, the shade one would compare to the grass at night, striking against her pale skin. Her blonde hair had been pulled up into a ponytail at the base of her neck. She says something else that makes Theron roll his eyes, though a smile becomes evident.

They've relaxed into their roles well, her right hand man and woman. She wonders how the Empire and Republic have been able to get on without them, she surely wouldn't have won as many battles without Lana's battle prowess and Theron's admirable ability to retrieve intel as fast as he does, "Commander. Surely you're enjoying the festivities?" Lana asks, a smile in her voice as she turns from the disgruntled ex-SIS agent.

"Of course, you did well, Lana. I couldn't have done this on my own," She responds, praise evident and mirroring her smile. It's genuine, the aesthetic is beautiful and the mood is high. Lana is extremely talented, and she's very lucky to have her by her side (and not on the opposite faction), "Thank you for all the work you put in."

"It's nice to be appreciated. Thank you, Commander." She nods in acknowledgement, before doing a once over. Her expression changes into one of curiosity, "Were you expecting us all to dress as you have? I apologize for the lack of dress code."

Corsha laughs as she sees the Sith dart her eyes to the armored men and woman nearby, "No, I simply enjoy the finer things in life. Arcann hasn't exactly allowed me much time to wear things like this, so I'm taking advantage of the lull in activity. Maybe one day I can get back to being myself, but for now I'll take the small victories."

"I'm sure there's someone who appreciates it more than we do." Theron says, rather matter of fact as Corsha waves him off. She knows exactly what he means, and when her gaze leaves his, he chuckles quietly, "I don't know where he is."

"You could at least say I look nice before you tease, Theron," She rolls her eyes, feigning offense, and though he gives her the universal 'alright I'm done' gesture with his hands, the mischief twinkling in his eyes gives him away entirely. She doesn't know when he became such a joker, or why. He's enjoying this a little too much, but she lets it slide -- he isn't working for once. And, who knew he had a sense of humor anyway, "So rude. They were right when they said chivalry was dead in the Republic."

"Hey, don't have to bring factions into it, this is an Alliance," He says defensively, before leaning over to Lana as if Corsha's forgotten he's there, "Do they actually say that?"

Lana stifles a laugh herself, "Always. It's a popular saying, mostly among young women describing agents like yourself."

"Whatever they say, Hylo did amazing at bringing in the food," A shiver runs up her spine as she turns to the arrival of the final member of their original quartet. Koth has his dreadlocks tied up, a nice look that makes her blush a bit. His jacket isn't absent, but he's instead left it open, a black shirt and darker blue pants underneath it. His goggles are gone from their typical place on his head. Maybe he doesn't immediately see her, but when his dark eyes do land on her, they widen in a way she hasn't seen out of him before, and sets something ablaze within her, "Whoa, if I'd known there was a dress code --"

"There isn't. Corsha has simply decided to impress us all," Lana answers for her, and Corsha is sure that she's turning the same color as her lipstick, "Rather nice, don't you believe?"

"Yeah, definitely," The answer is clipped, but it's clear he doesn't mean it that way. There's so much hidden beneath that one sentence that she isn't immediately able to say anything else. Out of earshot of anyone else, she'd probably get his real opinion, anything else he wanted to say to her. Koth had admitted over and over again he was horrible with words, which she didn't believe, and was even less likely to say much else in front of anyone else. Unfortunately Theron and Lana had very quickly realized their relationship had grown serious after the interaction days ago when they'd gotten back from Arcann's flagship (so maybe she had launched herself into his arms and had kissed him hard, completely high on adrenaline and forgetting there was anyone else present, but that was no one's business but her own) Lana had apparently suspected since Asylum-- and the pair acted accordingly. Like small children, of course. The teasing was well-hidden and far and few in between even before then when they were with the rest of the Alliance, at the very least, but it still annoyed her to no end when they'd gotten less subtle about it in the days past. One of them had better catch someone's eye soon, just so she can turn their actions on them and force feed them their own medicine, "Hylo's got a cake. Don't know where she got it from, but if you don't get any now, chances are you won't at all. Jeez, those Mandos have torn through Hylo's poor buffet."

"Considerate of you, Koth. You didn't just eat it all yourself first?" Lana teases. She really does want to ask what happened before her release from carbonite, as there are so many inside jokes the two have. Or whatever happened to the pair that made Lana faux paranoid about him literally eating everything. Surely a situation like the one on Zakuul, when the infamous three minutes phrase had been banned from any com channel while they were on missions.

"Hey, I'm not that big of a douche," He responds, a grin on his face. He's not offended, and Corsha doesn't understand why. Personally, she would be. Theron gives her a knowing look, as if he's just as confused. Lana nudges him gently a moment later, barely noticeable if you weren't paying attention, and starts off toward the rest of the congregation of the Alliance. Theron hesitates for a moment, before maybe picking up on what she was doing and follows after in a brisk pace.

"You said there was cake?" Corsha turns to him, brushing a curl behind her ear, "Hylo mentioned managing a few treats for the Alliance, but I wasn't expecting one."

"It's been a while since I've had cake instead of field rations," Koth responds, scratching the back of his neck before holding out the napkin covered package he had, "Brought you a slice."

"I thought you said there still was some left? I could've gotten my own." Corsha says, though gratefully takes the cake. It looks so sweet, like something she would've enjoyed immensely as a child. Her sweet tooth couldn't be denied, even in a moment like this, "Did Hylo say what it was?"

"Cake?" He shrugs, "Anybody's guess what flavor, don't think we can really afford to be picky, yeah?"

"I can afford to be picky if I wish, Vortena, not to mention the influx of credits we've received lately has been very helpful with getting supplies in. We've got escrow for once," She responds, a chuckle on her voice as he grins sheepishly. The cake is terribly sweet after she takes a bite, even enough that she has to keep from balking at it. It's some sort of fruit, not one she can name off the top of her head, but it's good. She'd have to go back for another piece, or see if they can get it more regularly.

"Cor," Koth catches her attention again after she's finished, and she turns to him, confused, "Got a little something." He says, lifting his hand to his cheek, surely to mirror where the offending crumb of cake was. She brushes just about everywhere near that spot, getting more and more frustrated as time passed, and he eventually gives up, growing closer and wiping it off himself. Her heart pounds, even though he doesn't linger long, "There."

"Thanks," She nearly squeaks, and he drops his hands to his side. They sit in an uncomfortable silence for a moment, though they watch as the party rages around them in a quiet roar. She smooths her skirt out after she finishes with the cake, careful not to get a trace of it on the immaculate crimson skirt. It hasn't been particularly long since they'd become a lot (a lot was saying a lot, more that just Lana and Theron could put their assumptions to rest and Torian, Major Jorgan, Gault and Vette knew now) more public with their relationship, if not also more comfortable with the idea of one (Koth had become her very first boyfriend, and she was sure that with as nervous as he was, that she was probably the only one who stuck around this long or had gotten this personal), yet she still fumbled in these situations. She wasn't extremely suave, and her social meter was very easy to deplete . Skytroopers didn't try to find out more about you or take you places they thought you'd like, all they did was chase after you and shoot at point blank range.

Boys weren't like that, unfortunately. Well, according to every holonovel she'd ever read on the subject, they weren't supposed to be. At least Koth liked the silence sometimes. He had a lot to say when he did get really fired up about things, but most of it didn't require a response from her. She could sit in the co-pilot's chair of the Gravestone and just listen.

Still, it was odd trying to be more than just friends. They'd kissed a few times, she'd nearly died in his arms, but there was something different about it now. Like there were expectations to how she should've been acting once they unofficially put the titles of boyfriend and girlfriend on each other, but this time there wasn't anyone to ask for help going forward. This wasn't a battlefield with clearly labelled maps and tactics. This was a new experience entirely, and she felt so horribly lost.

Well, there was, but not anyone she'd want to get help from.

"You do look...really nice, Corsha," He says, quiet enough that she has to strain to hear him, "Real pretty."

"Thank you, Koth," She plays with the lace on the sleeves, but makes the effort to make eye contact with him. And regrets it nearly immediately. Stars, who had the audacity to let his eyes be this pretty in the setting sun? Or make him this pretty to begin with? The way he looks at her...it makes her feel more safe than anything else, more loved than anyone else, "You clean up well."

"Good to hear it," He answers, his expression softening considerably.

She turns his own tactics on him, "You've got a little bit of cake...there." She states, moving her hand to where it would be on her own face, an invisible crumb on his jaw. He raises an eyebrow, surprised maybe as goes to wipe it off. Again, and again and just once more on the other side before he sighs in defeat.

"You've got me, blasted cake is staying there for all the trouble it's worth." He shakes his head, just before she grows closer and after a moment of hesitation, presses a kiss to his jaw. He's a lot taller than she is (there's over a decade separating them, but unfortunately Corsha wouldn't ever be as tall as either of her parents, or her boyfriend), but she's glad she doesn't lose her balance as she stands on her toes to reach. He stiffens, surprise evident in his expression as she steps back. She considers saying something, but decides against it.

"I'm sure someone needs me somewhere, seems that's all there is to life these days," She says, playing with the curls that barely graze her shoulders. Great, now she's hot and she can feel sweat beading at the top of her forehead. Where did all that confidence go, staring down Arcann for the second time only a few weeks ago? How she feared a man's reaction versus her own death would be lost to her.

"And if that's me?" Koth asks her, gently pulling her further into the alcove by the wrist, "You know I'm not good with words, but I'd be lying if I said I wanted to spend the rest of the party with anyone else."

"Not a fan of the noise?" She asks, still completely aware of him loosely holding her wrist. In his hands, she figures it must be rather thin. SCORPIO had a larger body than she did, the skinny girl who'd never really grown into her armor. Gah, it was always so easy to find her own flaws with him. She might've been the Commander of the Eternal Alliance, but it didn't immediately mean that she deserved him, "There are plenty of places to relax at further away from anything else."

"Do you really have anywhere else to be?" The world fades around her, pushed out of view of the rest of the party goers she's sure, "Because if you're going to pull something like that, you might as well do it right."

Do what right? She wasn't about to waste any cake on him, she might be head over heels but to waste such a treat on him? She hadn't lost her mind yet, to Valkorion, love or otherwise.

He fills in that blank for her, gently growing closer and tilting her chin up. It isn't forceful, not nearly as passionate as the last one, but still undeniably sweet. She leans into the touch, resting her hands on his chest, his arms resting around her waist. That sweet taste is back on his lips, but it is so very desired this time. She wouldn't go as far as to say all that cliche stuff she'd read about in the holonovels, but a shiver runs up her spine when he pulls away.

Okay, she'll say one cliche. She desperately wants to get lost in those eyes.

And, she wouldn't mind him holding her like this a lot more often.

"Beginning to think maybe we need cake more often," He says, mischief in his voice as she leans her head against his chest for just a moment. Her heart is beating in tandem with his, and for someone that makes her want to take him so far away from here, "What do you think?"

She nods, grinning as she looks up at him. She tries something new, the word playing with her mind before she says it, "I'd second that, love."

His smile only grows, and it's the first time she's ever called him by the term of endearment. He presses another kiss to her forehead, and she laughs quietly, lifting her head to kiss him again. Stars, maybe inviting him to live with her in her apartment wouldn't be so bad after all.

He stills a moment later, mouth still open to say something else, a concerned look on his face, "What? Is there something wrong?" She asks, more curious than worried, but Koth usually had a good reaction time that she trusted.

"Don't look now," Koth shakes his head, a groan sounding. Not particularly caring, she turns over her shoulder anyways. It isn't immediately obvious what has him so worried, so she's about to go back and say it really was nothing until she spots Lana in the crowd. Talking with Gault, yes, but every once and a while her golden eyes dart back to them. She scans routinely for Theron, who's hidden better and is leaning against the table that used to be laden with food, but still a smirk on his face. Either he's planning on bothering her again later, or he's started a bet with Lana. She didn't have much hope on it not being the latter.

She gives a disappointed look to Koth that's mixed with annoyance, "Beginning to also think we need to find more hiding spots on base before Lana never lets us live this down."