#and i really don't think that's the case. or rather.

[vir-tanadahl]

I'm honestly thinking about not sharing my writing anymore because of the AI accusation posts. I feel like I am constantly waiting to be the next person accused, which is very stressful. And that makes me really sad because I love writing, and I love sharing what I write.

I fully support addressing AI use in creative spaces, but I don’t think call-out posts are the best way to go about it. And here’s why...

I ran about 250 words from my draft of Chapter 6 of one of my fanfics through three different AI detectors.

One said it was 100% Likely AI.

Another said it was 100% human-written.

The third said it was human-written with 7.4% AI.

(in case it is unclear, I did not use AI in writing my fics)

So, depending on which program you use, my writing is either 100% AI or 100% human… which is an insane amount of variability.

I graduated from college before programs like ChatGPT even existed. I never willingly used Google Docs either. I only used it when I had to for group projects because it was the easiest way to share info.

I've always used Microsoft Word for my writing, but it doesn’t track changes. I was recommended other programs to try, and of course, the one I actually like—because it lets me organize everything in one file and isn't web-based—also doesn’t track changes.

This leads me to my specific problem with call out posts for suspected AI usage as a whole:

Fear of Being Falsely Accused - This makes sharing one's writing more stressful rather than enjoyable. But it also means people might take the call-out post at face value, leading some in the community to believe the author used AI. By the time the author shares "proof" of their work, that information might not reach everyone who saw the original accusation.

Inconsistent AI Detection - Different AI detectors are giving wildly different results on the same piece of writing. I’m not sure what each AI detection program is actually looking for, but getting such wildly different results makes it pretty clear that these tools aren’t reliable or accurate enough to be used as proof of AI-generated content.

Punishing Writers for Their Process - If you’re like me and use programs like Word, which doesn’t track changes, you’re kind of stuck. With these call-out posts, there’s going to be a shift where writers are expected to use trackable programs just to "prove" their work is authentic.

Impact on Creative Freedom - A fear of being accused and the pressure to justify your writing process can discourage others from even sharing their work, which harms the creative community.

Overall, I support discussions about AI usage...but I don't think call-out posts are the most productive and meaningful solution to talking about AI. It ends up creating this atmosphere of fear rather than encouraging conversations or teaching about what AI writing can look like.

[rottenpumpkin13]

If Angeal, Sephiroth, Genesis, and Zack were to go attend to jury duty, would they go and how would they behave?

Sephiroth: He shows up, but only because Angeal was on his ass about "honoring his civic duty." Sephiroth does not want to be here. He sits down—after security rudely confiscated Masamune and three people darted out of his way. During voir dire, when asked if he can be impartial, he says "I have no personal connection to the defendant, nor do I possess any emotional investment in this case. I would like to leave at the earliest convenience."

Then the case details are revealed: child neglect. His eye twitches visibly, the temperature in the room drops 20 degrees. "You left your child alone for three days to attend a CHOCOBO RACING TOURNAMENT?" Has to be physically restrained from summoning Ifrit right there in the courtroom. Is escorted out.

Zack: He's actually kind of excited. "Jury duty? Cool! Feels like something adults do!" He shows up wearing a snazzy suit, looking sharp, and brings a giant coffee and a bag of snacks that crinkle way too loud. He also befriends everyone, ends up swapping stories with a grandma knitting beside him and shares his chips with a guy named Steve. When asked if he can remain impartial, Zack says: "Sure! Unless the dude looks really guilty. Kidding! Uh...unless I'm not supposed to kid? Wait, what's the right answer here?" Is later escorted out because the case details are revealed, he's indignant, and keeps screaming "objection!" like that's going to do anything.

Genesis: He arrives late, sunglasses on, scarf fashionably draped. "Apologies," he announces to no one in particular: "the muse struck at an inopportune hour." (he overslept). He sits, pulls out the novel he's currently reading, and ignores his surroundings. He starts quoting Act III, comparing the defendant's plight to the hero's tragic downfall.

The defendant, a rather handsome young man accused of theft, catches Genesis' dramatic hand gestures and poetic waxing, interpreting it as flirtation. He starts winking back, clearly thinking he's secured a sympathetic juror. Genesis notices and plays along. Unfortunately for the defendant, Genesis is the foreperson and lives for petty drama. He announces the guilty verdict, relishing in the defendant's shocked betrayal.

Angeal: He'd make a big show of honoring his civic duties and show up extra early to it. He's such a goody-goody that he never wears suits, but to jury duty he wears the finest pressed three piece, sits up front, hands folded, ready to judge. Angeal's already read the entire juror handbook twice, underlined key points, and added notes in the margins.

He then maintains direct eye contact with the defendant. The defendant squirms. And then the case details come out. Turns out the defendant stole from a charity for orphans. Angeal's entire demeanor hardens. Someone tries to suggest. "Well, we should consider—" Angeal slams his palm on the table and screams "GUILTY". The jurors jump. Pens scatter. Coffee spills. "Little kids went hungry while he—DON'T YOU LOOK AWAY FROM ME!" Angeal's climbing over the jury box now. Security arrives. Angeal doesn't fight—because he respects authority.

[ooooo-mcyt]

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely detest DDVAU!Scar's behaviour towards Grian and think that it's completely inexcusable but it certainly couldn't have helped his misconceptions that the first thing Grian does upon seeing him is growl

It's understandable from Grian's perspective: he thinks he's about to be arrested and have even more of his agency stripped away at the hands of a guy he really doesn't get on with

But from Scar's perspective it's more of a threat, and one that just confirms his prejudices about mutants being dangerous and his thoughts that Grian should now be treated as a threat

On one hand, I understand it but on the other I want to punch him in the face... That's how you know you've done a good job writing your morally grey character I guess

This is fascinating to me because you're absolutely correct but I never actually thought about Grian's behavior from this perspective (and it honestly infuriates me to think about but you're so right)

I mean, Grian's aggression toward Hot Guy is incredibly natural. He didn't really like Hot Guy or the Emerald Soldiers to begin with, Grian is already (for good reason) primed to resent and distrust cops (and it couldn't have helped that hot guy personally shot him recently). But even beyond his dislike and distrust of Hot Guy generally, Grian is also actively in a very vulnerable position here. Grian experienced a- frankly traumatic- attack and only just woke up in the hospital only to have a cop immediately burst into his room and fully isolate him.

This is a very afraid and vulnerable person, and I never read his responses here as anything other than that.

But for Scar, it's hostility. He's just come to talk to Grian, and immediately Grian is acting with hostility toward him. Scar may not have read Grian's hostility toward and distrust of cops so negatively in their previous interactions, but now Grian's a mutant. One who broke the law to lie about what he is. Scar's entire job is to deal with "fantastic" threats, and specifically mutant related threats. Whether or not Scar realizes the extent of it, he's primed to read and react to 'mutant hostility'.

It's very possible that a big part of the reason Scar could so easily resort to the tactics he did with Grian- the way he so easily justified it to himself- was because Grian is a "dangerous" mutant who broke the law and is now acting with "hostility" toward him. Because he could so easily categorize Grian as other and criminal and threatening, even if we can easily see that Grian is in an immensely vulnerable position here and is acting out of (rightful) fear of Hot Guy from the beginning.

Hot Guy's functionally trained to act dehumanizingly- to see mutants as a threat rather than people to be empathized with or protected- at the sight of anything he views as "mutant hostility". So as soon as he found out Grian was a mutant, and as soon as Grian showed signs of hostility toward him, Grian wasn't just a civilian or the victim of an attack, Grian was (ludicrously, unfairly, cruelly) a threat, and that probably made it a lot easier for Hot Guy to bring himself to treat Grian the way he did.

(*there's also probably a parallel to be drawn between this scene and the way tango was treated in chapter ten- how in both cases, the mutant characters were put in positions where they were vulnerable and where they were hurt, but had the burden of civility placed on them, because an expression of- rightful- anger from them would reinforce the idea that they're dangerous)

Thank you for this perspective, anon, because yeah.

[finchsflight]

For some reason, I don't expect it to be soft when we meet it. I know the stories, of course, but a Hope Eater has always felt like it had to be vast and sharp and terrible.

Instead, a furred serpent -- not dissimilar to a stoat, really, apart from its abalone fur, its obsidian-scaled brows, and its dozens of claws that glisten like swamp oil.

(And its eyes, of course.)

It's small. About the size of a stoat. It smiles when we meet it, with mother-of-pearl teeth, and says, hello.

I do not expect it to lilt. Its voice is as soft as its fur looks, a summer breeze swirling through my mind as it continues. no one comes to us.

"Us?" Moren asks.

The sand hisses and swirls under our feet, and for a moment I see abalone under every grain of sand.

The Hope Eater smiles. What are you looking for?

"How did you--" But no, of course. No one comes to the Hope Eaters unless they're looking for something.

I explain.

------

The Hope Eater settles around my shoulders, flicking out a forked tongue (serpent, or stoat?) and tasting the air. You smell wonderful.

"Well," I say, nervously, "if you eat my hope, we won't get there."

True. And you have promised such a feast.

Moren shivers. The two of us -- is the Hope Eater a person? does it count as our third? -- keep walking.

We don't make a fire that night. We have not made a fire since we ran. The Hope Eater, coiled around my bicep, purrs. It is cold. If it's cold, then it might need more food. Or less. Or it might get angry.

I start to talk at the same time Moren does. "Do you need--" Moren and I look at each other, and both of us stop. I finish the sentence. "--warmth? If we found you in the desert..."

No.

"Oh," says Moren. "Very well, then."

Late that night, the Hope Eater skitters away into the woods. To eat. Presumably.

Moren leans into me, and whispers, "Are you sure about this?"

No. "Yes."

------

The next day, it's warm as we walk, and I still manage to think maybe it'll be warm tonight, maybe I'll sleep well, and ignore the fact that it's midwinter. When Moren and I curl up together on our sleeping mat, the Hope Eater settles over my chest, and says, We are going to eat you.

I blink. "Wait, wha--"

The lingering hope of of a good night's sleep, the expectation of Moren's warmth next to me (he runs hot; I wish he didn't, it makes her worse in the cold, but it's nice at night) flicker and fade. It feels rather like what I imagine a candle blown out by someone breathing it in would feel like, except that it's in my heart.

The Hope Eater coos, satiated, and Moren gasps next to me.

I don't notice myself moving. Only that, very suddenly, I am standing, my sword is in my hand, the Hope Eater has been unceremoniously dumped to the ground, and Moren is behind me. He gasps. I don't.

What are you--

It's faster than me. I know. But if it tries to get to Moren, I will be fast enough.

This is an attempt at help!

"No," I hiss, "you're trying to eat us!"

Moren raises a hand. "Hold."

I suppose my training still lingers. Or, even disheveled and on forest ground, Moren still has presence to him that no other living soul I know can muster, because I lower my sword.

"Hope Eater. Explain."

It sighs, a rattling, chirping sound. You are cold. Hope is the fuel of transformation, for Hope Eaters. The hope of birds and insects is no fare at all. You will not need hope for warmth if warmth is present. At worst, it will be some small sorrow, and a lack of trust in your warmth -- and you will not trust a Hope Eater in any case.

Oh. "Oh."

Moren pushes himself up to his feet, brushing off his pants. "See? All's well and good." He shivers. "Do please explain if you must do that again, though? Bit startling."

Ah. I had thought -- certainly.

Going back to bed is, admittedly, slightly awkward. But the two of us curl into each other, and the Hope Eater puddles itself on top like a comforted cat.

It wasn't lying. It's warm.

------

We settle into a sort of strange routine. I hope, every day, and grow to expect the warmth of the Hope Eater; before we sleep, it drinks that hope and uses it to warm us.

The only notable exception is a day where, with the Hope Eater curled over us, Moren asks is, "Do you have a name?"

It blinks.

You are very odd.

"Yes, well," he says, with the sort of exasperation of someone slowly unlearning an expectation that everything is his, by right, "that's not an answer."

No.

"Would you like one?"

...No. But you may call me--

There's a pause.

--Oriole.

I peer at it. "Did you just look around for the first thing you could see?"

No. It snuffles its snout into my neck, and I screech. We are a dignified sort. I picked the first thing I could smell.

------

The issue isn't something that pops up one day. It's a slow one, really. Moren gets a little more tired, and a little slower, and a little less talkative, and one night as we're settling to sleep Oriole slurps up my hope and then freezes.

Oh. Oh dear.

"What's wrong?" I narrow my eyes at it.

I think I have hurt your Moren.

"He's not my Moren," I mutter. "And what do you mean?"

It seems that taking your hope night after night is not good for you.

"Well, I'm fine." I poke Moren. "Hey."

He mutters something incomprehensible, eyes fluttering.

I pick up Oriole. It's gotten a little larger -- the size of a large weasel. "How do I fix him?"

I don't know. This is not an issue that has come up for us before.

"Aren't you hundreds of years old, or something?"

It shrugs. As much as a snake-weasel-thing can shrug. I have not dealt with repeated feedings before.

There's a pause, and I'm about to ask something like 'you've never bothered to come back to the same place?', and then I remember: Hope Eaters drink all the hope from a person, and leave them crumpled and dead.

I had forgotten, with how safe Oriole seemed.

"...am I having any issues?"

It flicks its tongue and says, No. Your hope is... unusually resilient. If it weren't for our promise, I would have eaten you. You would probably be delicious.

It sounds very, very hungry.

"Right. Well. I... guess maybe just don't eat him?"

I will do my best.

------

Without Moren's hope, the nights are a little colder. But not freezing, still, and he recovers. With hugs, and snake-snuffles, and warmth.

(I never get worse, like he did. Resilient hope, huh? I shouldn't be surprised. If I wasn't good at hoping, I'd be dead. Presumably. Or at least I wouldn't have run.)

It takes weeks to find the army. Luckily, two idiots and a snake move much faster than an army -- and we were headed for a collision, anyway, it's just that we wanted to make it to them before they started breaking things.

We don't. We find the army in one of the border towns of Caelt. The town is already burned.

I look at Moren, and Oriole, but -- in this moment -- mostly Moren. He nods, quietly.

I didn't bring my armor with me. It would've been idiocy. We knew, though -- the army of Illii has never been a well-organized one. So I sneak into the border town, Oriole on my shoulders, and find a man almost exactly my size.

Oriole sweeps out from me, and swallows his dreams alive.

It is the first time I've seen it eat someone. It's been nibbling at us (mostly me), and I watch it curl itself around this man's neck and sink its teeth into his veins and I watch the soldier wither.

He doesn't scream. He just dies.

Oriole ripples, scales flickering beneath abalone fur, and is, very suddenly, the size of a boa. It rears back, mouth open and yawning wide, and I see nothing but teeth the whole way down.

It looks at me, and its eyes are pits of emptiness. Transparent to the depths of an impossible hunger. I shiver. It cocks its head and I move to pick it up again, and this time it is mostly its own muscle helping it up on to my shoulders. (It's heavy.)

I drag the dead man out of the town, and Moren looks between Oriole and I. I shake my head.

He helps me put on the soldier's armor, and I pull out the rope I did bring, binding Moren's hands. "Sorry."

He shrugs. "It was the plan."

Oriole yawns. Where do you want me?

I blink at it. "Oh. Um, y-you're... larger than before, can you--?

Very suddenly, it is a tiny serpent coiled around my neck like an amulet. Easily.

I take a breath, and walk towards the army.

------

I did not take my armor with me. But I took my crown, and I took the spikes and fabric that turn a soldier into Victory. First General of the Army of Illii.

(They are very clear: the armor is the same whether you are a soldier or Victory. But I ran, and they never took my decorations.)

The soldiers part around me like a tide: first they see me, and their eyes widen in fear, and then they see Moren, and their eyes widen in glee.

I walk towards the warlord who was my commander and is Moren's mother, and I see Victory riding next to her.

(Obviously they replaced me. She probably lied and said they'd claimed my armor.) She sees me, and I see her eyes widen, and then she grins.

I grin back, and shout, "I am your Victory, Empress, and I have brought you back your son!"

She laughs, and reaches out a hand, dragging me up into her chariot. (She doesn't notice Oriole.)

"My Victory is returned!" she roars to her army, voice rippling through the ranks. She glances at her other Victory, who nods, ripping off the fabric decorations on their armor and leaping into the army. Disappearing into the soldiers' ranks.

She takes the rope around Moren's hands and nods to me. I spread my arms wide and say to the army, "Your Empress' son is returned, and Victory with him!"

Oriole tightens around my wrist. I can feel their hope. You are... inspirational.

It sounded hungry when it ate that soldier. It sounds ravenous, now.

I smile. This time, it's real. It is also not kind. I can feel it, too -- not as a taste in the air, but in the cheers, in the laughter.

Even your Empress.

"Good," I whisper. "Tear them down."

Drop.

I lunge towards the Empress, yanking Moren's rope from her hands, and yank us both to the ground, shoving his head down. There's a moment, where she might lose hope, where she might panic --

-- but Oriole slithers from my wrist as large as a boa, roars like a thunderstorm, and eats.

Deep Water Prompt #3426

Hope Eaters are largely reviled, empty eyed monsters who only know hunger. No one in their right mind would travel with one, but we have nothing to lose. 

[phopollo]

Omg I need to know about the wedding/ engagement practices you mentioned! I had no idea you were even doing anything like that. So, does everyone have different traditions based on what type of engine or coach/truck, etc, or is it standardized?

Ajfis sorry i didn't answer this sooner! I was like "I am going to draw something for this........." --and then i did not and I realized I don't have it in me to, SO!!

Yes!! There are some different traditions and whatnot! The ones that comes up though is the equivalent of exchanging rings, and is arguably the most common!

Enganents;

So, like I said, this is kind of the equivalent of exchanging rings, because....... well. Rings just don't really have any place amongst trains, and especially not with my lore about how the clothing on trains work-- everything is snapped into place or welded on, most accessories like jewelry just don't make sense.

So! When rolling stock propose, rather than offering a ring, they'll offer and exchange their toe stops! There's so much meaning behind it to. You are giving a piece of yourself to this person that you love, promising them that you will always be there for them and to catch them them they stumble or fall. I think there's something extremely romantic about that teehee

I fear right now, the only drawing I have that showcases this well is my very first Ashley & Buffy design drafts. Ashely's design has been updated, and i haven't gotten around to Buffy's yet but it's still present, so, pardon akrnskr

Weddings

I'll be honest, I haven't thought as much about the actual wedding traditions and whatnot occurs at them, but I do have some thoughts! I think-- traditionally-- unless a coach or freight were marrying the only locomotive they work with ever-- similarly to the traditionally of fathers giving daughters away, there was probably a tradition of engines giving their cars away at their weddings, but it's one that's probably fading as coaches and freight are being viewed as more and more independent as the times change. Another one is probably something to so with their formalwear! I can't remember if I've ever talked about it, but there's two kinds of formal wear in universe! The first one being wearing As Much Big And Bulky Plating As Possible (which stemmed from a tradition of wearing big bulky heavy plating and layers to the point it became difficult to move as a sign of power in being able to continue to move and work in something so restricting), and the second being As Little Plating As Possible (whifh stemmed from a rradition of wearing as little plating as possible as a sign of status, that you weren't worried about being hurt). There was DEFINITELY some traditional meanings behind what you chose to wear to your wedding (bulky = promise to protect your partner/sleek = promise to be open and vulnerable w/ your partner) but again, probably one thst doesn't particularly matter as much anymore in the modern era

Showing marriage status

So, you're probably asking, how does one show that they're married rather than just engaged if they've already exchanged toe stops? And the answer is very simple! Rolling stock will patch their partner's symbol on to their packs! I fear ive only drawn this once, but as an example, see below Momma w/ Poppa & Memphis' symbols patched on to her pack. It's a very quick simple way to show yhat you've committed yourself to your partner(s) by attaching them to your packs that-- in cases for locomotives, attached to you, and in cases of cars, you carry with you every day

[crispy-kitten-princess]

Some fanarts to bring attention to the long post about the books!

Yesterday i had finished the httyd books re-reading (it's been A MONTH), and today i watched the httyd movie for like the 30th time idk (i was really keen of it as a child)

Friendship with movie Hiccup ended, now Tuffnut and Ruffnut are my best friends. They are iconic. I remember book!Tuffnut being kinda sorta a background character, like somebody amongst the Hooligan tribe. And that's the move i liked about the dreamworks version, heh

Longpost and possible spoilers under the cut

Yeah, i loved movie Hiccup and associated myself with him very much... But now, after i reread the books, refreshed my memory about The Ending (and cried my eyes out), i found the movie rather.. strange? It leaves a lotta questions, like the world building, Astrid's behaviour, poor stylistic choise of making her as skinny and wimp as Hiccup, and Stoic s attitude towards his son, like.. stop??? He is an awful warrior ok but plz quit telling everyone around how much you are ashamed of him. Plus i miss Alvin as the main antagonist. He was one of a kind, never saw anyone so persistent to living and killing your distance nephew. And i miss Fishlegs No name as he was so cute and sarcastic. Movie Fishlegs is rather cliched

Weeeeell this whole post exists just bc i love book Hiccup sm AND THE WHOLE STORY AND I LOVE THE FIRST HICCUP AND THE SECOND AND I LOVE FURIOUS AND HIS STORY AND I LOVE FISHLEGS STORY AND DEADLY SHADOW AND I ADMIRE VALHALLARAMA AND CAMICAZI AND CHINHILDA AND TANTRUM and i miss them and i want to share my love for the books with everyone around... But amongst all my friends i don't have somebody who would've read the YA fantasy book about a 10-15 yo viking boy and his tiny arrogant dragon, and i would not either if i had not became a fan at my 12-13s by absolute chance. This is insane. I love my fixations (that's the whole point of fixating) but it hurts that I can't share it, and even if i try to explain to one of my friends who are ready to listen, I can't tell why exactly would i cry for half an hour about the children's book ending where OMG the dragon died, no waaay

I really wish it were a cartoon series based on books specifically, bc that way i could show them to my friends, which is waaaay easier than making them read the books (which is impossible, i tried). But ig.... It would stay a wish forever

I wanted to tell something about the books again. Why i like them so much? But i get too emotional about them and can't muster up ANYTHING. What CAN i say??? They are good. They are perfect. Cressida Cowell made a great job. The slightest gradient between the first and the last book makes the neighbour books in the series feel alike, but the first and the last are nothing like the other. The first is really a cute local story. WHILE THE LAST IS ABOUT CHANGING THE WORLD AND WHOLE NATION. This is incredible

Myself, i like the first 4 or 6 books more. They are so funny! I read them just for fun. But when i do, i just cant stop. And as i proceed further, the world changes, and the Fate follows the main character with a knife of misfortune (i wish i could play with English words as i do in my native language lol) - or good luck! Who knows, when you survived so many terrible moments, are you extra lucky or the exact opposite?

The first books don't even have in them the main thought of the last - dragon slavery. Or do they? Now, when i think of it, i do recognise the abuse and unappropriate attitude towards dragons, like foreshadowing... It's hard to tell if Cressida planned it all from the beginning or expanded the world as the books went further and further. Anyway, the first book os nothing like the last. The last is insane

I hate the book series endings almost every time, but not in that case. No. No. No. This one is solid perfection. It is logical. It is mature. And most importantly, it is painfully realistic. That's what broke me. The realism of the ending, where the magical creatures have to vanish from the human world just to save themselves. It is common for books like that to end with death of all magical (like it dies when we grow up, blablabla and so on) and it is the story of maturing, but that is not all. It matches with our world, where all living things die away and vanish eventually, if they are not significant for human race survival... But in our case they will never ever return from some North fields or sea hollow. Abused animals have neither intelligence to speak for themselves nor some kind guy to save them. Theme of war and death is extremely actual rn too. And i was devastated when the peace was established and shortly after that Furious died 🤪🤪 amazing, thank you. It killed me when he said that he was dead for all these years, and lived again only after Hiccup III spoke to him and returned him to his right mind

This is a mess I'm sorry 😔

I remembered now that it supposed to be a post bout the movie I've just watched. Well. The movie's best part is that it brought my mother's attention to the book series,, i was obsessed with the movie therefore she gifted me the books, and i became so obsessed with them that she even yelled at me for rereading them so frequently, lol

I can't say anything about the movie. I have no thoughts. I guess i just re watched it too many times as a kid to feel anything anymore. It didn't work with the books though. Reading them again 6-7 years later the latest reread, as an adult, i figured out that they aged extremely well. I found inspiration in them. I'm lost in thoughts about them. I want them to be more popular and well-known. And i hate fucking live action movie btw if you even care 😘💅 not to think about all of the resources that could ve been put in use to make cartoonish HTTYD books real

Plz, if you came that far, reblog or comment with something thoughtful, it would be mush appreciated

Upd.: this one is obvious but I loveeeee the trope. When Hiccup went on the impossible journey of Training His Dragon Toothless, he learned how to deal with arrogant, whining, lazy people. He learned how to be a a leader who listens to his followers, a teacher, a mentor to all the crazy arrogant and wild viking nation, and that is why the title of the book focuses on Training your dragon

I'd looove to hear everyone's opinion about the series. Plz share yours!!! I love you fellow httyd fan

[pragnificent]

One of the things that I find fascinating about genre horror is this phenomenon which I call "protagonist creep."

Protagonist creep is how, in a long-lived series with a lot of sequels or adaptions, the villain eventually becomes the protagonist character because he's typically the only character to carry over from film to film (or whatever type of media we're talking about). I like the term because it's got this neat double meaning: It's both the gradual process through which the antagonist creeps towards becoming protagonist, and also the end result is that you've got a creep for a protagonist.

And one of the main tactics writers use to engage in protagonist creep is by removing agency from the villain. When you have a character like Leatherface or Jason Voorhees, this is a pretty simple project because 1.) They have from the start been canonically intellectually disabled, which implies limited agency to begin with, and 2.) They tend to be acting on the behest of family members (Leatherface is terrified of his abusive family; Jason is driven - so much as he can say to be driven by anything - by his mother's need for revenge). These characters don't really need to be rehabilitated because they were never truly "bad," but rather are incapable of navigating their way out of bed situations. (This is all much truer of Leatherface than Jason, as the causality in Jason's case is incoherent).

When you have characters who are self-motivated and competent at what they choose to do, however, it gets a lot more complicated. Everyone here is probably familiar with the efforts that were made, both in the novels and NBC adaption, to make Hannibal... "more sympathetic" might not necessarily be the correct term, but it's all that's coming to me at the moment. More approachable. More comprehensible, more human. Tragic backstory that at least to some extent explains why he does what he does, heavily implied PTSD, growing focus around his desire towards a love interest, etc.

The Nightmare on Elm Street reboot played with the idea of rehabilitating Freddy Krueger, before yanking that back to say, "Nah, we made you think that he was unjustly accused and therefore became a vengeance ghost, but actually he did do all that shit. He absolutely did do that shit and we are going to tell you exactly what he did in way more detail than the original series ever did."

And then there's Mick Taylor, from the bizarrely extensive WOLF CREEK series. Who is a very strange example of the phenomenon because of the extent to which the writers, seemingly deliberately, refuse to let this particular creep become the protagonist.

Which, villain stan though I may be, I very much appreciate, because he is AWFUL. Like, he is absolutely The Worst that anyone can be in all The Worst Ways.

With one exception, the story never removes agency from Mick. They present a Mysterious Dead Little Sister, similar to Hannibal, but when the veil is finally pulled back we find that, rather than being a helpless child victim, Mick was responsible for what happened, causing that only the death of his sister but that of an innocent man.

The two season show goes in a very... unexpected direction, in that it seems to increasingly hint that Mick is supernatural in some way, and incapable of dying. This is the closest to removal of agency that we see in Mick, and it comes not only from him surviving unsurvivable wounds but also some of the things he says.

I'm paraphrasing, but particularly in season 2 he starts to say these morose things that imply that he's trapped. "We are the white men that were sent here for our crimes, and we don't get to leave until we've been punished." "I don't control what happens. Things just happen." And, above all, his framing of non-Indigenous people as an invasive species that needs to be eradicated. We also see Indigenous characters expressing the belief that he is some kind of bad spirit rather than a man.

None of this, I'll add, before I wander off, is logically consistent - either within the universe of the films or outside of it. There are two - no, three - things that are particularly fucking frustrating about framing Mick as someone forced to atone for the sins of colonialism by acting out violence against (primarily but not exclusively) other white people.

1.) He's primarily targeting tourists, rather than other Australians. Tourists, by definition, are not colonizers (although of course they can be part of the process of colonization). They are leaving - or rather, they would have left, had Mick not killed them.

2.) Women bear the brunt of Mick's violence, which is often sexual in nature. None of the people he targets deserve it, but there's something particularly galling about framing raping and torturing women for extended periods of time as some type of universe ordained balancing of the scales? Or something?

3.) He enjoys this shit. This is fun for him. He's having the time of his life.

I'm aware that the writers are aware of the tension between the story as it has progressed vs the implications of reimagining the character as some kind of ghost of colonialism, and I'm not accusing them of doing something wrong in trying to find a more complex motivation/explanation for the character's actions.

Again, I'm interested in that phenomenon of protagonist creep, and how writers might either lean into it or seek to subvert it. And Mick stays stuck in my head because the writers are definitely Doing Something here, but I struggle to parse it in a coherent way.

[third-thoughts]

I'm astonished and appalled that there's actually a trend of people pooh-poohing stylistic choices like this.

I'm autistic. Figurative language isn't something we're known for. I certainly wouldn't expect everyone to understand or enjoy it. BUT...

I have never had a problem with this kind of language. Probably because I'm an English nerd, probably because I've read so many books that I grasp this kind of language without thinking about it. If I sound like a smartarse below, it's because I'm getting nerdy with one of my special interests.

I know EXACTLY what it means to "gesture softly", because in this case, the writer is using "soft" in the sense of "gentle". A Google search for "soft definition" and "softly definition" confirms exactly this. Do... do people think they mean "soft" in a tactile sense?

In the same vein (not the blood vessel, you'll note), I also understand the meaning of "soft firmness". I understand it so much that I'm actually struggling to describe it differently, because to me those words ARE how I'd describe it!

To me, this kind of description is actually pretty commonplace. I've always assumed it was a perfectly normal way to describe things. I'm surprised people take issue with it.

I don't really even see the above examples as that figurative. The idea of softness and firmness as things that can be perceived not just through physical touch but in sound and movement is one I'm very used to.

But if you want to get more figurative, please do! I love a juicy metaphor. I love to see words employed in unusual ways, because they more clearly - and more satisfyingly - convey what the author means.

One area of possible caution is if you're writing fantasy or other speculative fiction where the thing you're using figuratively might well be real. A good example of this is the phrase so often deployed in romance, "His eyes darkened".

The darkening described here is not physical but rather emotional - in romance, often a rising intensity as our brooding hero finds himself overcome with lust. It could also be used to convey anger. But in many fantasy stories, someone's eyes could very well literally darken, in the sense that their colour could change.

The above example is common enough that seasoned readers will probably know what it means, possibly to the point of groaning "Oh, not THAT phrase again!" (Not me - I love it, every time.) But it's useful to consider whether your metaphor actually overlaps with something that could be literal in your story.

Anyway, I detest and despise the assertions that all flowery and/or figurative language must be AI, and the resulting pressure to leech all whimsy from ones work. I exhort my fellow wordsmiths to stand strong against it.

want to push back against an idea I'm seeing perpetuated recently that like

figurative language is 'bad' or 'nonsense' or indicative of AI

It's not. Literary prose is often written in a way which incorporates unusual or metaphorical descriptions to enhance atmosphere or to prod the reader to think about the character's actions.

If LLMs like CGPT are using figurative language, it is likely because they 'learned' it from 'reading' literary prose.

I see posts saying things like, "what does it mean to 'gesture softly?' you can't even do that!"

and no, not LITERALLY. The author is trying to get you to engage with the text and the figurative use of language. You DO know what it means. It means that the person was gesturing in a manner that was delicate or not emphatic. The phrase might be intended to tell you about that character's personality or relationship to other characters in the scene.

I was reading 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (translated by Gregory Rabassa) last night and thinking about this. There is a line in the book where the author writes:

Úrsula replied with a soft firmness:

The description of her speech as both soft and firm simultaneously is not meant to be literally interpreted. You could rewrite the sentence to be more literally correct by saying something like:

Úrsula replied calmly, but it was clear that she would not be persuaded away from her position.

But it would be a worse sentence. It's longer and more complex for no reason, and it doesn't contribute to the atmosphere of the piece or add to the stylistic choices. "Soft firmness" is interesting, makes the reader think about what Márquez is doing, and helps to characterize Úrsula.

Not every single text should be written in the clearest, most literal way. Whether or not someone writes using figurative language is a stylistic choice, and it's neither wrong nor an indicator of AI usage.

[drdemonprince]

I should probably preface this by saying that this is a genuine question, not an attempt to "own" anyone, not a troll, etc. I'm genuinely curious and interested: Has there been any good scientific studies done on the question "Does having a kink about a 'problematic' subject, reading about it, fantazising about it, roleplaying it, etc., make a person more or less likely to do that problematic thing in real life?" Do you know of any good research papers or articles on the subject? Maybe it's a whole field of study?

I feel like if I ever (god help me) would have to defend a position of "other people's kinks, no matter how disgusted they might make me feel personally, are none of my business" to someone, it would be useful to have some kind empirical science to point towards.

Again, I'm not trying to be a jerk saying "source, please?", I'm genuinely interested in reading about it.

So a good place to start here is in thinking about how this kind of topic gets data collected about it. So if you're wondering about the relationship between, for example, fantasizing about bestiality and actually abusing animals, your primary way of being able to study actual, real-world behavioral outcomes would be to identify a source of data on acts of bestiality...which would almost exclusively come from the police state. If you really wanted to study who actually does commit these acts and what their history was, you'd have to look at people who were convicted for having committed animal abuse of a sexual nature.

The problem is, that data isn't necessarily representative of what abuse actually occurs and how often. The police aren't trustworthy, the carceral justice system is profoundly unjust, not every person gets investigated or tried fairly, and even if all those systems DID operate justly and fairly, you'd still be missing all the people who never got caught. And we know that since these systems are racist, classist, ableist, etc, that they are not 'catching' real offenders from all groups equally. Poor & Black people who have committed these acts are most likely to get caught, rich & white ones least likely. And so the data is skewed.

This is FURTHER complicated by the fact that even if you do look at this data, you are only seeing the people who *have* harmed animals sexually, not the people that haven't, and so that is going to be susceptible to confirmation bias of your prior assumptions and not be representative of the whole population if you use it to draw conclusions. So, for instance, if you look at the porn habits of every person who has been convicted for bestiality, you will probably find a lot of bestiality porn (both fantasy and real) in their histories. Okay, not surprising... but of the average people watching this porn, how many actually go on to offend and how many don't? We have no way of knowing. And because such an activity is so stigmatized (and in the case of real porn, itself illegal), you're going to not be able to get self-report surveys from the general population on this.

If you did try to give out surveys on this kind of stuff, you might be forced to report any of your respondents who did admit to doing something illegal. It wouldn't really pass most ethics boards to do this research at all.

So you can see why this is such a shadowy field of discussion. The thing to keep in mind is that the number of people who do get arrested for things like bestiality, child sexual abuse (especially the kind that is driven by an attraction to children rather than your garden variety case of a parent abusing their power over their kids in multiple ways, including sexual, but the sex is incidental), etc are very small. These are vanishingly uncommon crimes. and we can't really trust the police state to give us reputable information on this. and it is very hard for scientists to study well, and most who study it do approach it in a pretty sensationalistic way.

So, to answer your question, yes you can hop onto google scholar and dig around for studies on 'paraphilias' and their relationship to criminal offenses, but most of it is going to be profiles of people locked in mental health institutions and jails that SOUNDS super scary and fucking disgusting but is not a good reflection of whatever the hell is going on in the actual world. I think it's evident that a hell of a lot more people are fantasizing about this stuff than are offenders. Especially if we are drawing a distinction between fantasy and porn that depicts actual abuse. The people drawing dogs fucking on like deviant art or whatever probably do not pose any actual threat to real animals 99.99% of the time.

And if and when a person with a desire to DOES harm animals, it is because of the legal construction of animals as property that it is possible for them to do so. once again power is the root of the crime. more than a 'paraphilia' making someone like, evil. a lot of this stuff is values based and a philosophical case about how the world works rather than a specific statistical claim. but the number of real offenses that happen are so vanishingly thin that we could barely empirically study them anyway -- it's too small a sample size, and there is no ability to locate comparison groups of non-offenders who share these kinks.

I hope this helps answer your question. Obviously I am using bestiality as one example here but you could apply this to CNC and rape porn, child abuse and age play porn, etc etc.

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 81

Looks like Kabru got promoted to "Honorary party member" after telling Laios he wants to be friends.

I recognized the pasta Marcille was holding was linguine, and I tried figuring out what everyone else was holding but had no luck. I found plenty of different types of noodles, but I don't know enough about noodle dishes to tell what most of these should be.

I think Shuro is holding soba noodles, Chilchuck has lasagna pasta, and Kabru has either elbow or orzo pasta.

I want to assume these are the ingredients to everyone's favorite pasta dishes. If so, Namari's seems to be a stir-fry of some kind. Laios apparently likes spicy food. And Falin's seems to be an Asian dish similar to Izutsumi's. Maybe Shuro showed her some of the foods from his homeland. Izutsumi's ingredients includes a leek, which she doesn't like.

I had to try figuring out what Kabru's dish might be because it's just pasta, cheese, and onion and the best answer I found was French Onion Pasta.

Why does Izutsumi always have to mess with Chilchuck like this?

Always lift with your legs, even if you don't have a back to break.

He should be voiced by a text-to-speech program. I read every line he spoke in the most monotone voice possible.

It really shows how little Marcille knows about monsters that she's filling most of her army with non-monster creatures like pigs, goats, and elephants.

Of particular note, all the definite monsters are things that nearly killed her or the party at some point. The red dragon would definitely have burned itself into Marcille's memories since that was what kickstarted the entire story, and the wyverns would have left a similar impression since they were a constant concern after the party angered Thistle.

I want to say those long-neck birds are a variant of cockatrice which would also have left a mental impact since one of them petrified Marcille. And of course, we have a type of dungeon rabbit. But Marcille summoned jackalopes instead of head-hunting rabbits.

The dryads are an interesting case though because Marcille wasn't with the party when they faced dryads. She saw the aftermath though and used some dryad twigs to repair Ambrosia. So the concept of a dryad might be in her mind, but since she didn't actually see them, she summoned a different type of dryad for her army. These ones are more woody and they have leaf hair rather than grass hair.

Chilchuck didn't even try to help.

I can think why they suggested what they suggested. Marcille made a big deal about how to properly harvest mandrakes (but she threw a fit when Senshi gave her the heads), she said she liked the fishman eggs in the porridge (but she didn't know they were fishmen eggs), and she ate a lot of kelpie liver (because she was forced to and she complained that she was only eating liver).

I think it's understandable that they wouldn't hang out much outside work. Everyone was employed by Laios and they probably would prefer keeping a professional distance in case they needed work elsewhere or any specific jobs that needed them came up.

I wish I could pinpoint when Donato died so I could better estimate Marcille's age. He said he had her when he was getting on in years, but that could mean a lot of things. Since Tall-men typically live to about 60, I'd guess he was maybe late thirties/early forties when she was born.

This shot was from when Marcille was around 20. Donato doesn't seem to be as fat as he was but he doesn't appear to be as thin as he got. So maybe he was around 60 at that time?

And he lived to 82, so Marcille was probably in her 30s or 40s when he died. But since I don't know what year he died, and Marcille's growth rate is erratic I can't easily say how long it was between Donato's passing and her joining the mage's academy.

She does look a lot like she did in chapter 17 during the funeral. She even has the same bangs.

At the very least, I can take this and add 10 years of her time at the academy to give her a lower bound age of 45. At this point, I can argue she's somewhere between 45 and 75.

Even as a child, Marcille liked designing her hair.

Little mini-Marcille saw how big her papa's tummy was and thought he was pregnant.

I don't blame Laios for what happened during the nightmare chapter. Marcille likely already had it in her mind to use it. At most, Laios just gave her the encouragement to think that he supports her. But Laios didn't know what Marcille was planning. He understood that Marcille was scared that everyone would die before her, but he probably thought she wanted the power to keep them from being killed.

And it's not like they knew things would turn out this way nor did they have any way of finding that out. Laios just defaults to assuming he's at fault for everything. He blames himself for all his bad social relations, he blames himself for the fallout he had with Shuro, he blames himself for Falin turning into a monster, and he blames himself for this.

I want to say that Marcille is from Kahka Brud or somewhere in the surrounding area. Meanwhile, the dish Senshi made is probably from the eastern islands given Izutsumi's reaction to it.

So I have a question. Senshi first discovered the dungeon when Gillan's team dug an underground tunnel connecting to it. And Senshi found an exit in a cave near the ocean. The dungeon seems to be wider than the island itself. So is it possible that some of the mainland dungeons are connected to this one?

What did Izutsumi do with Yaad after she found him?

Doppelgangers are mimic octopi. No wonder they couldn't properly grapple Donato. He was probably suction-cupped to the floor.

Oh dear. This is getting bad. Marcille is fully under the demon's influence.

SENSHI FLASH!!

back

[marq-lynch]

As someone who got into AEW via fixating on MJF and has spent the last eight months obsessed with Hangman and Swerve this upcoming feud was made for Meeeee and I cannot Wait to watch MJF beat the snot out of Hangman's hypocritical face in person in a couple weeks.

There are so many layers to this feud and things they could have made the core, but the one they're going with is Authenticity? No. Even better. It's Verisimilitude. Possibly my favorite word in the English language: having the appearance of truth. It's not about who's most Real. Things that are verasimiliar are often not factual but portray a Truth, like a fake blood on TV that's the wrong color because humans don't want to believe that real blood is that candy coated firehouse red, they want something more sensual with a bit of chocolate syrup mixed in to make it darker. It's about what, and in this case Who, Feels Most Real and is therefore most deserving of our appreciation.

Is it the bullied little boy who never had a friend and shoved everyone away before they could hurt him first and who just desperately wants unconditional love, and who has been rejected every time he tries to reach for it from the audience, mentors, mentees, fiances, & his one and only friend? Who opened himself up to the world and tried to grow, to improve, to let himself be vulnerable one more time in the spots he knew were softest only to have everything he loved and valued ripped away.

Or is it the other ball of self-esteem issues, the anxiety riddled ball of imposter syndrome that has whittled itself down to a core that has always been there, of burning Rage at himself and the injustices of the world around him that he has allowed to consume and isolate him, feeding his worst tendencies for addiction and obsession.

The relationship both have with the audience is Insane, and neither is healthy. They both obsessively need us and shape their entire identity around what the world thinks of them, while insisting to themselves and us that they aren't. They're just aware of their responsibility as a champion, or no longer going to care what people think, but somehow those 'I don't care what you think' protests only last so long and they're caught up in obsessions over audience chants and signs against them again.

And then there's the Swerve of it all. My 'Swerve the Realest'. The Other Man who just about one year ago also had the audience decide 'yes, you're a heel, but you're so damn cool we've decided you can do whatever the fuck you want'. Swerve, genuinely, did nothing wrong. Except... He lost at Revolution, and stood in a ring, in front of Tony Shiavone, and admitted, "I've done some pretty terrible things here" and "I'm not a good person... But for the first time ever it felt like people were really rooting for me."

Swerve, as far as we know, has never lied to the audience. He's beaten up teenagers, broken and entered, broken arms, and left things out, but never lied. He is Swerve the Realest.

Meanwhile Hangman, who raged that "[Swerve] never paid for it, and they loved him for it" is now having crowds cheer itemized lists of his crimes from an irate MJF, and staring him in the face telling him that he's never run from his problems (which has been his entire arc) or ever once lied to the audience, all while he wears the same outfit through Feb 2025 he wore March 2nd 2024, the day before Revolution last year, when he first hobbled to the ring on a crutch, told the audience he was always truthful with them, that he couldn't compete the next day. Then when Swerve came out and listed his own crimes flat out to Samoa Joe the day before his first title shot, Hangman beat him unconscious with the crutch, showing he'd been fine, and screaming an apology later for lying but saying he would Rather Die than let Swerve win it himself, and Rather Die than not win it himself.

The next day he tapped out to Samoa Joe. Y'know. Like a Liar.

[sophieinwonderland]

Wait... are you pro-radqueer?

Radqueer is a very broad umbrella that can include a lot of other labels within it that I tend to judge on a case-by-case basis. I have nuanced opinions on each individually that could keep me occupied for hours going over.

Most physically transabled people (those who feel they should have physical conditions) are experiencing a recognized condition psychiatrists call BIID. I believe there's a mental equivalent experienced by mentally transabled people that has yet to be studied but will be in coming decades. And if it can happen in disorders, then it could happen in non-disordered conditions like transplurality.

I think people can experience dysphoria around things outside of these conditions and gender, justifying transspecies and trace as concepts. Though it doesn't really seem like my place to weigh in on whether people who experience racial dysphoria should identify as that other race. Although if I did, I might find myself ranting about how race isn't actually real and is a social construct made by white men to oppress others, and maybe the best thing for it would be to completely destroy the very concept so as to make it unsalvageable.

I think that hate against people suffering from paraphilias is extremely harmful since it's based on the brain and how people think, rather than actions people take. I don't believe in thought crimes, and to be blunt, hate against people with harmful paraphilias, treating them as subhuman for their thoughts even when they've never harmed anyone or anything, is a gateway to fascism and eugenics. It also distracts from people with who hurt others but don't have a paraphilia. Rather, they've done it because they're opportunists who are targeting the vulnerable.

I have issues with some parts of the community encouraging actual harmful behavior. I also think some labels are just kind of silly. For instance, I don't get "transreligion" when you can just make your own religious beliefs even if they're outside of the norm, and those beliefs would be as valid as any other religion.

With all of that said, am I pro-radqueer? I wouldn't really identify as such.

But I'm anti-anti radqueer, in that I genuinely can't wrap my minds around people who are seeing far right fascism take hold around the world, and trans people having their rights stripped away, and think "you know what would be a productive use of my time? Harassing people for being too inclusive."

In the end, this is a niche issue. The Right has now thrown their lot in with Russia, and we can't rule out them passing similar laws here in the US outlawing LGBTQ activism like Russia has.

If that happens, I expect some people are going to look back and realize that they spent all the time they could have fought for queer rights without being arrested instead fighting against people for being the wrong kind of queer.

This is not a time for division. This is not a time for infighting among queer communities. This is a time when you take whatever allies you can get wherever you can find them.

Because there is an evil sweeping over the world. And whatever kind of queer you are, you are in its crosshairs. And the only way to weather this storm, if we can at all, is going to have to be together.

[pangaeaseas]

Magic Is Masculinity: Or, Lucius Malfoy and How the Wand Makes the Man

One thing I'm always interested in thinking about in HP fic is how to realistically create a society with different mores from our own. If you take the premise that pureblood especially and overall wizarding culture more broadly is different from 1990s Muggle British society seriously, you must consider where social norms differ from 90s muggle norms. I personally am interested in the idea that pureblood families tend to live in multi-generational households with extended families rather than in a nuclear family, for instance, though I don't think this was JKR's intention (but who cares it's interesting). You could claim that LGBTQ+ people are more or less accepted than 90s Britain, depending on what you want to do with your story--and you could also consider that the wizarding world might have completely different definitions of sexuality (like, for example, the Roman use of penetrator vs non-penetrator as the main sexual binary). And we know that what is defined as masculinity and femininity varies massively across time and place.

So I want to think about how gender roles might differ in the wizarding world. There was a post I saw recently that discussed the idea of Sirius feeling affirmed in exploring femininity by being seen as feminine by Muggles while wearing robes, which I thought was a really interesting idea (and one that could apply to any character exploring gender). Of course the essential premise there is that something Muggles read as feminine--robes--are actually an essential aspect of Wizarding masculinity (see that guy who likes a nice healthy breeze round his privates in GoF).

So what else defines Wizarding masculinity? We can go absolutely wild! But I think there's a lot of canonical basis for the idea that one essential part of being a wizard and a man is having access to and control over one's own wand. This raises interesting questions about how characters who can't control their wands might be seen as emasculated (like Ron in CoS and Neville pre-HBP), and is also significant with regards to Voldemort's search for a wand that will allow him to fight Harry, and the period when Harry's wand is broken. So I'd love if people did additional analysis on this topic. But I'm going to specifically discuss the case of Lucius Malfoy, because I think he's a very clear example of how you need to have a wand to be a man.

"The faces around him displayed nothing but shock; he might have announced that he wanted to borrow one of their arms. “No volunteers?” said Voldemort. “Let’s see . . . Lucius, I see no reason for you to have a wand anymore.” Lucius Malfoy looked up. His skin appeared yellowish and waxy in the firelight, and his eyes were sunken and shadowed. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “My Lord?” “Your wand, Lucius. I require your wand.” “I . . .” Malfoy glanced sideways at his wife. She was staring straight ahead, quite as pale as he was, her long blonde hair hanging down her back, but beneath the table her slim fingers closed briefly on his wrist. At her touch, Malfoy put his hand into his robes, withdrew a wand, and passed it along to Voldemort, who held it up in front of his red eyes, examining it closely. “What is it?” “Elm, my Lord,” whispered Malfoy. “And the core?” “Dragon — dragon heartstring.” “Good,” said Voldemort. He drew out his own wand and compared the lengths. Lucius Malfoy made an involuntary movement; for a fraction of a second, it seemed he expected to receive Voldemort’s wand in exchange for his own. The gesture was not missed by Voldemort, whose eyes widened maliciously. “Give you my wand, Lucius? My wand?” Some of the throng sniggered. “I have given you your liberty, Lucius, is that not enough for you? But I have noticed that you and your family seem less than happy of late. . . . What is it about my presence in your home that displeases you, Lucius?” “Nothing — nothing, my Lord!” “Such lies, Lucius . . .” (Chapter 1, DH)

Having a wand is compared to having an arm: it's an essential part of a wizard's body. All the Death Eaters are shocked by the request. (Interestingly, we know of only two confirmed female Death Eaters, Bellatrix and Alecto Carrow. Bellatrix says that she would gladly give up any SONS specifically to the Dark Lord's service in HBP. This might imply that the Death Eaters are intended to be a majority male organization (though I personally like to explore the idea of there being more female Death Eaters) and so these are men specifically being affronted).

Before his wand is taken, it is specifically mentioned that Lucius appears ill--pale and waxen and yellow. Control of the body and good health is often seen as a crucial sign of masculinity. Lucius has lost this--he cannot control his own body--and is about to lose an important signal of his masculinity, his wand.

Voldemort is also treating Lucius as a child who's transgressed: there is 'no reason for him to have a wand anymore'--Voldemort doesn't respect Lucius's right to have a wand, like he's a child who isn't in control of his own decisions. A main throughline of Lucius's treatment since OOTP is Voldemort's interest in punishing him. This involves reducing him to a child to be ordered around, who can't be trusted with a wand. He treats Lucius as someone deeply beholden to him: Lucius having a wand and having liberty are dependent on Voldemort, instead of characteristics of an adult man with social authority. Voldemort is the patriarch of the Death Eater family.

Voldemort seems to enjoy humiliating him in front of the other Death Eaters: he could have asked him nicely as an equal in private, but he makes a spectacle of it, asking for volunteers he knows won't be appearing, only to single out Lucius and then mock any pretensions he might have to exchanging wands, then intimidating and terrifying him by questioning his loyalty (and the loyalty of his family, which thus insults Lucius's ability as a patriarch). The wand length comparison also serves no real purpose but to emasculate Lucius.

Immediately after taking the wand, Vodlemort also brings up Tonks's marriage to Remus to insult Lucius, Narcissa, and Bellatrix--another insult to Lucius's abilities as a patriarch as he cannot stop his family members from shaming the family through marriage choices. Again, it is delberate that Voldemort does this so soon after taking Lucius's wand. Now that Lucius is wandless, his masculine authority can be questioned.

Lucius clearly wants later to reclaim this lost authority --and implicitly his sense of his own masculinity.

When the Trio is captured, Lucius is extremely excited. He appears to be motivated by a desire to lessen his punishment (which involved Voldemort taking his wand, and said wand being destroyed by Harry):

"Harry had never heard Lucius Malfoy so excited. “Draco, if we are the ones who hand Potter over to the Dark Lord, everything will be forgiv —” “Now, we won’t be forgetting who actually caught him, I hope, Mr. Malfoy?” said Greyback menacingly." (DH)

Greyback says 'Mr. Malfoy' in a menacing way: it seems to be belittling him, reminding him that he doesn't actually have that much power in this scene compared to Greyback, who actually captured them by his own efforts compared to Lucius passively waiting for something to improve his situation. Greyback may be saying 'Mr. Malfoy' to say: all you have is your social position, compared to me--you might have the title of 'mr' but you don't have a wand and you don't have the power to act, so I am more masculine and can threaten you.

It's also really interesting how Narcissa is directing Lucius and Draco in this scene: she greets Greyback and brings him in, she refers to Draco as her son only, she is the first one to instruct Draco to examine them. Malfoy Manor might be Lucius's home, it has his name, but Narcissa appears to act as patriarch in this scene: it's her home, her son, she is greeting visitors and taking command, and she is the one to say 'we need to be sure and shouldn't immediately summon Voldemort' and the one to identify Hermione. This might be the typical Malfoy family dynamic, it might be because Narcissa is the one who still has a wand.

Then Bellatrix comes in, and she orders both Lucius and Narcissa around. She also asks Narcissa what happened, treating her as the leader of the family. Now Bellatrix has always hated Lucius, they certainly didn't seem to get along well during the DoM battle. But here she's just contemptuous of him, and provides key evidence for my wand-equals-masculinity theory.

"“I was about to call him!” said Lucius, and his hand actually closed upon Bellatrix’s wrist, preventing her from touching the Mark. “I shall summon him, Bella, Potter has been brought to my house, and it is therefore upon my authority —” “Your authority!” she sneered, attempting to wrench her hand from his grasp. “You lost your authority when you lost your wand, Lucius! How dare you! Take your hands off me!” “This is nothing to do with you, you did not capture the boy —” " (DH)

Lucius lost his authority when he lost his wand. He is no longer the patriarch, the master of the house, specifically because he does not have a wand: Bellatrix then goes on to order Draco around, which Narcissa protests because it's 'her house': a striking contrast to Voldemort calling it Lucius's house in the first chapter, before he took the wand, and to Lucius trying to call it his house. While Lucius has a wand it's his house, but when his is taken it become's Narcissa's (though of course she is talking to her sister about herself, so you don't necessarily have to read that much into it). Interestingly, Bellatrix doesn't give orders to Lucius: maybe because she just doesn't like or trust him but maybe because he doesn't have a wand and is thus useless.

The whole concept of authority in HP--and Lucius, owner of Malfoy Manor, husband and father, has specifically patriarchal authority as Head of his family--is linked to having a wand. Lucius seems to have expected to be able to exercise some control over Bellatrix as a fellow Death Eater and as his sister-in-law who appears to be living with him, but she rejects this possibility by saying he can't control her as a male patriarch might because he doesn't have a wand. Thus he is failing to meet the requirements of being a patriarch in wizarding society. Bellatrix can do whatever she wants in his house, and he has no way of stopping her. She seems to have replaced him as patriarch of the Malfoy family.

The linkage of masculinity with authority with having a wand is made extremely clear through Bellatrix's line. By taking Lucius's wand, Voldemort removed the last semblance of authority and masculinity he had, to humiliate and emasculate him for losing the diary and the prophecy (and I think the broader narrative is doing this to Lucius at least a little as well, he becomes more pathetic and pitiable, because in JKR's view of gender pity is for women).

Later, Lucius's role as a Death Eater has clearly been reduced: Voldemort dismisses his suggestions around the Battle of Hogwarts as only being concerned for his son, and assigns him the menial task of fetching Snape. He has been reduced from advisor to fetch-and-carrier. Lucius's last appearance on page is NOT fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts, appearing only concerned with his son (and JKR often associates concern with a child only over any other concerns with maternity and femininity, but that's another post).

In working on this meta I also had a lot of thoughts about warrior masculinity through martial magic in the Wizarding World, and the idea of a Death Eater specific masculine warrior ideal, but that's another post LMAO. I hope this has been helpful in imagining how magic might affect gender roles!

[afraidofchange]

the people coming in from other countries ALSO have little idea about your policies, etc. as does anyone coming into america, they just wanted to get out. a change of scenery. and most people that do research on countries, ie those who move to like norway, are rich. they can afford that. they can afford the change. but people hype of japan quite frequently as well... and well, japan is technologically advanced but rather behind on all other elements. especially lgbtq rights. so i just don't get why your initial reaction was 'americans not doing research' and instead, 'i'm sorry you guys are also struggling, maybe you think you're struggling more, but we're also struggling and we really need to do something about this.' you legalized gay marriage 20 years ago. americans were only 10 years ago. and now they want to attack the supreme court case that legalized country wide marriage. they already proposed it. it's happening. did that happen to you guys or are we just going to keep butting heads? aren't you a big advocate for the gay rights or is that just a big fucking lie?

... bud, I specified Americans because they're the ones talking about moving to Canada.

Idk how to make it more fucking clear to you that it is about an American ignorance about the problems in OUR COUNTRY, and that they act like we are this safe haven utopia.

Yes, we do have things that are 'safe' here, like gay marriage, but we are again, in the middle of a health care crisis because our conservatives want to privatize it, we are in a housing and homelessness crisis because of the cost of living that our politicians refuse to do anything about, and again, our politicians are actively trying to be like Trump.

You're throwing in a bunch of non sequiturs here to detract from the main point and to put words in my mouth.

If you need a little gentle pat on the ass about the words I chose - again, being mad and offended because I said DO RESEARCH and not "oh woe is you poor thing, we are also suffering" then that's a YOU problem.

Figure it the fuck out bud.

Also I'm a fucking lesbian?? "advocate for the gay rights" brother I am the gay rights.

[leonawriter]

On A(yin) and Unreliable Narration - or, "Did They Hate Him, Really?", the Story of a Depressed Man

One of those funny things about Lobotomy Corporation is that, just like many, many games out there... it puts you into the shoes of the protagonist. Almost literally, as it's designed to look like a player insert game.

But, see... it isn't.

The similarities are - at the start - that you seem not to have a name, you can't see what you look like, there's a character helping you and explaining the world, you're amnesiac, and you're suddenly given something big to do.

Those fall apart really quickly.

(Spoilers/references to endgame LobCorp, Ruina and Limbus as well in the post.)

Firstly, Angela tells the player their name. Or rather, that you are now called "X." She does not give you an option of which name to input, just as later on, Faust does not give the option to name "me" in Limbus Company and the player character is named "Dante." Both times, that decision is taken out of the player's hands.

From this moment forth, you are not playing "you," you are playing as a character that the developers have named, characterised, and already decided on. And this shows itself through all of the choices they take from then on, and the story they take you on.

Just focusing on "X," we don't often get to see what he's thinking and feeling himself. The very, very few times are usually either a multiple choice question, or right at the very end - and no matter what, he doesn't speak very much. He uses short sentences... from what we can see, at least.

This is on Day 5, but... you get the idea. X doesn't really say much more than this at a time.

But- wait. Look at that. Here's something interesting that I loved picking up when going through Persona 5-

The fact that each one of these comments is simply a sliding scale of the same thing.

You, as the player, literally cannot have X say to Angela here "I've been having a great time! Absolutely loving it, thanks." Because that... isn't how X feels.

The truth is that as of Day 5, X has only got memories of the past five days. His entire life has been one of managing a facility of death and fear, with everyone looking to him for guidance. No shit he's going to say that his life has been awful.

Which handily already gives him defined personality characteristics that do, actually, stick with him all the way through to the endgame.

This is someone who does not enjoy being in a position like this. He does not enjoy seeing wanton death and destruction. He does not like being in charge, and responsible for everything.

All of which neatly destroys the player's ability to insert themself into the Manager's role as themself, and take control. This is his company. You are playing the managerial equivalent of a first person shooter with your character on mute most of the time, but everyone else can (effectively) see and hear him as his own person.

Which leads on to the biggest thing:

How do the others interact with him? How do they see him? Does he say things that we don't hear? What are their opinions of him?

Now, the ones we get to see X through are really just the Sephirot, Carmen (to a degree, through memories) and Angela. There's the Keter, but they're a special case.

It's basically impossible to talk about "Manager X" without looking into his past as "A, the Founder of Lobotomy Corporation" - or, rather, as we find out on Day 50, "Ayin."

Because each of them are simply one part of a whole, really. And the simple fact is that the only reason I tend to differentiate them with calling the character from the start "X" and the one later on (from around the mid-point onward) "A" is that this way, we know which point in time we're talking about.

All of them are however, ultimately, all Ayin.

"It's all Ayin, all along?" "Always has been."

Now, the easy part is to say "the Sephirot hate Ayin!" and... to be honest, that's kinda true. They do not get along. Any of them- no, Hokma, we're not talking about you, you're an outlier and should not be counted for this. Sit your gay ass down.

Truth is, as Kali/Gebura said, after her suppression:

ID: "When we first reawakened in metal, we could feel the exact moment our final breath stopped, lodged into us like glass shards."

So, effectively, they're like angry ghosts full of resentment that have never been able to move on from that unfinished business. And, unfortunately, all of that unfinished business revolves around Ayin, the character we're playing as. No wonder they're all angry at him! and that's not even taking into consideration the issues they'd have had before they died!

So: Malkuth is mad because her resentment stems from desperately wanting Ayin's praise and attention as Elijah, to the point that she pushed herself further than she should have, did something he hadn't given the approval for (but Carmen did), and died horribly for it, with him not able to face something horrendously awful happening to someone he'd tried to say "don't do that" to.

All she can see, however, is how she had tried her hardest to be noticed and still got ignored. That's where her meltdown comes from.

Yesod's comes from, basically, seeing the aftermath of Elijah's (awful, awful) death and gaining a level of OCD over it. I don't use that term lightly here; he gains an overly stringent obsession over rules and regulations, and believes that something may have gotten onto his skin, leading to him self-harming himself in order to get this off (and it is not there). Ayin, not having any surety that this is all just in Gabriel's head, orders an invasive examination to ensure that nothing infectious is actually going on. Remember: this is the City. They are in a laboratory. This is very plausible.

However, there never was anything of the sort, and Gabriel is simply more traumatised than ever. Both of them simply have to live with that now, and Yesod's meltdown comes from trying to - as he had as Gabriel - push down his grief and despair until it simply exploded.

Hod was a teenager at most when she was working for the lab in its original form, a nervous girl who Ayin warned - quite harshly, even! - what she was getting into with them. Carmen says "Don't be too harsh on her. She's amazing to be here at such a young age!" and the issue gets waved over like that. By the time people have died because of the experiments and they're handling abnormalities, however, she reaches her breaking point and... effectively calls the cops on them by saying that they're doing things that are Wrong, and because of that, the entire lab gets destroyed. Ayin remembers reading about her having died in the newspaper, and "never wanted [her] to die in misery, like that nasty tabloid article gossiped."

What is implied is that Michelle lived long enough to know that she'd made a massive mistake. She likely knew that instead of just having the company shut down and the research stopped, the Head was calling Arbiters on them. Perhaps whoever she told went "thank you for the tip-off, we'll deal with it" and when she assumed there'd be no bloodshed, she was corrected in her mistake. Whichever way, she knew what would happen, and she committed suicide because if she'd not wanted to face the things that she'd left behind, she couldn't live with the consequences of what she'd done.

Hod's meltdown happens because she's full of regret and she cannot move forward past the desire to be someone who hadn't been so weak to do such a thing in the first place. She wants to see herself as better than she was - but without having faced what she needs to be improving from.

Tiphereth's regret is, quite simply, that she doesn't understand why Enoch chose to die. The fact that Tiphereth B keeps malfunctioning for the same reason that she could never understand Enoch - that he asks questions about the meaning of existence - makes this harder on her. As Lisa, she never liked Carmen, and wanted to live in the moment, enjoying life as it was without thinking about it too hard, really. Enoch died, and she took it out on Carmen. We never really see what Lisa thought of Ayin himself directly, which places any ideas of how she saw him into headcanon territory.

Without Enoch, and knowing that he keeps coming back and hoping for something better, she ends up asking some of the same questions - "what are we doing all of this for?" - during her meltdown.

Chesed's is a cycle that's very easy to see how it's repeated with Angela. Ayin is told straight off by Carmen “He’s a bit pompous, so don’t believe everything he says." (Direct quote). Daniel continues to work with them, all the way through everything... right up until Garion comes along and terrifies the hell out of him into releasing abnormalities onto the lab, killing almost everyone.

Chesed's effectively forced to relive this over and over again via Angela telling him to do things that'll get the employees killed, keeping him in line with threats. Of note is the fact that with Carmen, Garion, and Angela, all of them hold levels of power over him. The phrase "No matter how great you may be, you will always be in the palm of my hand" is a recurring theme for him, and no wonder, when his trauma is based in the feeling of being used to hurt others no matter what he feels about that.

The other part is that when he truly needed Ayin to listen to him, during the Head's destruction of the lab, Ayin shut the intercom on him.

Gebura's is easier to quantify, much like Tiphereth's; she wanted to protect people, and her final moments that were etched into her head in the robot box form were of her rage at not being able to do so, and just wanting to lash out.

Hokma... okay, I will include Hokma here, because Benjamin's big regrets and resentments are that he didn't stop Ayin when Ayin went too far. He didn't see the signs and red flags saying "this man is not okay!" because he desperately wanted him to be okay. Because of that, he ignored his misgivings until he couldn't take it any longer, and left.

Binah is... interesting! At first, nothing seems personal. Other than the eternal torture, y'know. But then she does state that she sees herself and Ayin to be similar - in that they are both the kind of people who will shove their entire conscience away and do the necessary evil regardless. She also sees Ayin as the weak kind of man who can't actually change anything.

I bring up all of that without any of the post-suppression personality changes specifically because there's still an easy way of... seeing Ayin as this awful person, because we see him mostly through the eyes of people who hate his guts, in their worst possible moments. Which is easily enough to make people playing the game have a bad first impression of him, and then even when they're going through the core suppressions and winning, it's like "yeah, but he did all those things!"

I mean, Ayin was bad enough that he caused his best friend to walk away from him! When the things said best friend can be seen saying his his suppression are really, really gay. Like, so gay. Makes him seem like he's trying to constantly say "I want to be married to you" gay.

Thing is, Gebura even said it up there, quite plainly: they're stuck in their traumas. Their resentment. Their worst possible feelings.

And as everyone should know, no one is their worst possible self all the time!

So, let's go back over this. This time, taking everything they're saying with a pinch of salt because they're biased unreliable narrators. All of them. And this time, not in order.

I'm going to start with Chesed, because I feel like he has the most impactful things to say about Ayin as a person, and he goes through what appears to be the biggest 180 in his stance on the Manager in the game.

In fact, let's take a look at a couple of Chesed's quotes before and after:

Chesed [before]: Geez, manager. Do I really have to remind you that [Agent] has gone mad for you to notice?

Chesed [after]: [Agent] seems to be dealing with a mental break. Give ‘em the care they need, manager.

The "entire team wiped out" lines are also along the same lines.

Welp, all my competent employees are dead now. How are you going to compensate me for all this? Geez, how’d you even become the manager in the first place? The whole department is dead. It’s all over.

Compare this to-

Don’t worry about it too hard, manager. I saw you tried your best.

Now. Remember what I said about "no one is on their worst day every single day, except these people who are stuck in their worst traumatic emotional points"?

We see with Chesed a big hint of how this guy felt in his worst moment... versus how he wants to feel, when they've made up.

Which is to say - Chesed goes from blaming the Manager, assuming that he's sleeping on the job and not paying attention at all, to trusting him and being sure he tried his best. Which is a BIG difference!

It also fits with the swap from "Qlipoth" to "Sephirot" in terms of the actual Tree of Life/Kabbalah, in that the Sephirot in the game are positioned upside down at first, and are acting opposite to the virtues and qualities of their points on the tree that they're named after. Chesed is distrustful because he's been abandoned, but once they've come to an understanding, he is the basis of A being able to believe in people again.

And what is that A brings up much, much later on in the game, that Chesed told him?

"That's not all, manager.  Carmen trusted in you entirely until her moment of death. Everyone else who remained did too. Why do you think I decided to stick with you until the end? Just look around you now. Everyone gathered here just for you. And they’re waiting expectantly."

In other words - and this is why I started with Chesed - it wasn't just that everyone followed Carmen, but that they all trusted in and followed Ayin.

This is important. Very important.

Because Ayin, as stated, is a very unreliable narrator.

Not just because he forces himself to be amnesiac and only regain his memories bit by bit (as we see with the Memory Synchronisation), and again in Keter) but because any and all opinions coming from "Ayin" tend to come from the Keter. The Keter are all fragments of his fractured psyche, versions of him who had failed to suppress the cores of the Sephirot, and therefore were unable to find the realisations that coming to terms with them would bring.

Abel is only able (ha) to think about how he's failed them all, and how they're forgotten. He's repressing every emotion so that he can't feel anything. He doesn't think he can become better. He's just aimlessly living until he can die.

Abram leads a meaningless existence, having forgotten what he's even been doing any of it for. He doesn't have any courage left, because he's just languishing in guilt. He also believes that no one should have trusted him because all they were there for was Carmen and once she was gone everything fell apart because she wasn't there, and he could neither be trusted nor trust anyone.

Adam... looked into the Well and states that he believes that this is exactly what Carmen wanted. Considering that the Well is the human subconscious and Carmen is the Bucket that Binah talks about, I'd say this is an accurate assessment of the situation here... especially when all future instalments and materials go into detail on how Carmen is encouraging people to distort. That's... basically what Adam's following, here.

So - who was speaking during those flashbacks? I'd say it's plausible that it was Abel or Abram, or a mix of the two, with Adam showing up in how none of the dialogue from the A Team really shows A the Manager going "uh, maybe this is a bad idea?" - Adam is the fervent belief in Carmen to the exclusion of rational sense, taken to the logical outcome when one has been placed in the Time Loop.

Because of that I'd say it isn't just the Sephirot in machine forms being stuck in their worst moments - all we see from Ayin is filtered through his depression as someone who has lost everything and is just... moving forward regardless.

But- let's step back, while bearing that in mind. What was it Chesed said, again?

That everyone had trusted in Ayin. That they'd stuck around for him. Yes, they were all joined together to enact Carmen's will, but the fact was, if they didn't trust and believe in Ayin, they wouldn't have carried on together. And Chesed also states that as Daniel, he'd gone to their company because people trusted each other.

Elijah's problem was that she needed praise, to be told that she was doing well. To be told "good job" sometimes. The problem? That Ayin only realised that maybe he needed to do that far too late. But... she did want his attention. She looked up to him.

Michelle is seen being a nervous young girl, older than Lisa and Enoch but younger than any of the others - so, probably mid-teens at most. The main memories with regards to Ayin interacting with her? Him being harsh and stern... because he was concerned about her. The very fact that she did commit suicide after selling them out to the Head goes a long way to show how badly she felt for that, because she clearly cared about them all a lot. Headcanon territory, but I can see Michelle looking back and thinking "Ayin was right" - and knowing that he was trying to look out for her.

Gabriel, we don't even really see before things go wrong, at all, really. We see what his reaction is to Elijah's death. We see him covering up and hiding his emotions behind rules and regulations. But... we also see how Gabriel very easily brought up his ideas of how to prevent such accidents in future; he clearly felt comfortable enough to do so with Ayin at the time.

Giovanni... is one of those special cases who never trusted or liked Ayin and Ayin didn't really give him a reason to. He outright lied to Giovanni - because he wanted him to die happy, at least. But as A and Netzach they're able to talk things out; clearly, because, as Netzach says after the fact: "But for the first time, I think that maybe it was me who called you." It's also very strongly implied that Manager X/A by this point has a complete understanding of where Netzach is coming from, meaning that they're both on the same page about a lot of things. The very fact that Netzach is encouraging A with "I made it this far, what makes you think you can't?" adds a sense of camaraderie.

With Lisa and Enoch, we see that while Enoch suggested that they called Carmen their new mother, and while we don't see them outright say anything about Ayin... he's the one who's always there to bring them back home. Ayin is. And it isn't Ayin that Lisa's furious with in the flashback; that's Carmen. We don't see Lisa blame Ayin, which could be taken to mean that it never directly happened (as I'm sure Ayin would have remembered if it had).

I feel like it's telling that Lisa, the child who was more "easily frightened," says to the Manager, as Tiphereth, "But you're different, you're supposed to be different!" - as in... she trusts in him more than she's trusted in Carmen, or Angela, or any of the other "adult" figures in her life that we've seen.

As for Enoch... during Abram's questioning, we see Tiphereth say this: "One day, I realized that you were also looking towards somewhere with a clear vision, just like he did." In other words, Ayin was much the same as Enoch, waiting for something better, hoping that something good would happen. The line "Where did we want to go while holding a child's hand?" could even suggest that Ayin was there and present as Enoch died.

We've already covered Daniel up there, but yeah. That guy trusted in Ayin and stuck with him to the end. Someone who encourages Ayin to feel like he's capable of pushing on, because Daniel believes in Ayin's abilities.

We don't see many scenes with Ayin and Kali. Not after their first meeting, when she doesn't know or trust him yet and Carmen tells her that he "always glares like that," basically. But we do know that she literally fought to the death with an Arbiter just to keep him and Ben safe and alive. If she didn't think they were worth it, then I'm sure that she'd have given up by that point, or tried to stay alive herself.

Ben is- well- okay yeah, he extolls Ayin's virtues to the point that it's hardly a joke, especially come Ruina, to say that Ben/Hokma is a walking and talking "Have you heard of our lord and saviour Ayin?" - but I think... that's the thing? Ben is the main one who never needed Carmen. It was always Ayin he was there for. The only one on the team who looked up to Ayin as his senior, rather than her. Several of his statements also imply that he knew Ayin well before the project, as well, and he clearly got that admiration from somewhere, for some damn good reason, and not just because he's gay for Ayin. He was fully capable of walking away when he thought that a line had been irreversibly crossed. And the fact that he loves Ayin to the degree that he does is what brought him back, and enabled him to become Hokma at all.

Binah is a... special one. Because as Garion she never cared about him, and as Binah she still doesn't care about him. She does, in fact, hate his guts and have every reason to, because she was tortured. She saw him as the same as her - in a way that possibly filled him with shame, given how much he's shown to care about others!

However, Binah is shown both post-suppression and in the Keter questioning and also in Ruina to explain that what was going on with her was that she had a conscience. She was simply ignoring it. Pushing her feelings and fears aside, so that she didn't have to face the consequences of everything she did. In seeing Manager A (the player) move past her, she wants to see what he can do, because she isn't sure it's possible, and she... wants to see him accomplish his goal. Binah's outlook is very similar to the City in general, actually, since most people can't afford to pay attention to the voice in their heads that's saying "you should stop now, you're crossing a line you shouldn't. Someone's hurting, and that's bad."

This can also be seen in Ruina, where although the main protagonist and pov character is Roland - who, let's be fair, has a biased and bad opinion of Ayin because of him being the one who was in charge of the light, and also what Angela's said - we do get some glimpses every so often.

Malkuth is the first to bring him up - technically Roland himself,

Angela then interrupts the conversation, unable to bear hearing any of the Sephirot bring up Ayin in any sort of positive way, saying that "I wasn't the one using you. It was him; he used all of you just to satisfy himself" and calls Malkuth's attitude "nonsense."

Note the "still" here! The expectation that they would all willingly lay down their lives for this man who is already dead and gone, fighting to protect what he'd done.

In fact, Binah is the only one to side with Angela and even she is not doing it for Angela's sake, but the same reason she decided to stand with Ayin. As in - she decided that no matter what came of Ayin's decisions, she would watch the outcome. She decided that this was merely another consequence of that, so she wanted to see how it'd play out.

Netzach, here:

Outright namedrops his part of the Seed of Light.

Malkuth bringing up the company's tagline - although she's misquoting it, it sure is the one Ayin came up with - saying it's similar to history. (The video cut off her line, but I'd hazard that it's "you have to learn from the past.")

That's not the last we'll see of Angela and the Sephirot clashing.

The next major time is during the Briah meet-up.

Chesed "But, I don't wanna forget those memories [of the past]. Decided to embrace them instead. So did everyone else here." Gebura "He's right. I don't believe that I failed to protect anything. I could save the life of someone who inherited her will."

And not just that, but something I think of as one of the most important Ayin-related quotes of Ruina:

This is when they've talked to Angela, who's snapped herself away in a huff because she wasn't ready to hear what they had to say.

This, to me, says that no matter that all we see in the duration of the Core Suppressions is gameplay and text floating across the screen...

The Manager is talking.

The Manager, A(yin), talks to them, one on one (since all of the other Sephirot and also Angela are asleep during this time), in private, possibly on a private channel, so that they can vent and let things out... but also so that he can say exactly what he needs to say. What they need to hear at that time.

If anything, I'd say that the things Chesed and Gebura say up there is quite possibly them echoing back the things that A(yin) said to them. "You don't have to forget what you've done, as long as you can move forward." "You didn't fail to protect anything at all! Look at me, listen to my voice, I'm right here!"

Funnily enough - though perhaps predictably, since Hokma is Hokma and Binah never actually met Carmen - those two are the only ones who mostly talk about Ayin, not Carmen.

Hokma brings up that it was Ayin's path that he followed:

Note that he doesn't specify that the world Ayin saw was the same as the one Carmen talked about. It could be implied, but Hokma was pretty specific on not following Carmen.

And then there's Binah. With one of the most interesting outlooks on Ayin in the entire game, I think.

I find Binah fascinating. Binah watches. She observes. Up until the final moments of Ruina, with the exception of the fight for the remainder of the Light.

She wants to see what happens next. Whether that meant the direct consequences of what Ayin himself intended to have happen, or the knock-on effects of his decisions as someone who grew past his ability to look away from his conscience telling him that what he was doing was wrong, who could face himself and move forward in spite of the fear... it doesn't matter.

Binah respects the man Ayin became, because of this ability he grew to have, and she follows his will in a similar-yet-different way to Hokma - both of them following Ayin more than Carmen, and both of them wanting to see the world that he would create - which makes sense, since they're both of the same "layer."

And finally... we have Angela herself, and if I went through all of her journey from revering him to growing disillusioned with him to growing to understand him... I'd simply be rehashing all of the timeline of the games from pre-canon to the end of Ruina.

But-

Angela: Then, if I worked hard to have a kind heart... will he look back at me?

Benjamin: ...Probably. Eventually.

And... although it never happens in Lobotomy Corporation...

Angela hears a voice in the light, as she herself is managing it and ensuring that it works this time.

It's Ayin, throwing her entire opinion of him and his view of her into doubt with five words:

"...I'm sorry. And good job."

Lobotomy Corporation and Library of Ruina are both games of unreliable narrators. It only stands to reason that on this, too, there would be bias.

Ayin created Angela in one of the darkest times of his life, while he was still following Carmen's will with blind faith. He created her beautifully - and yet, she isn't a faithful recreation of Carmen. She never would have been, like Benjamin said. But not just because of her personality.

Her appearance is intended to look just as much like Ayin himself. Her hair has Benjamin's paleness, when both Carmen and Ayin had darker tones of brown or black. Ayin's eyes and posture. The ability to think for herself, feel emotions, care for others...

Ayin put a lot of himself into making her, just as Benjamin said, and as Binah states at one point. She's as much his daughter as anything (even if the comparison isn't a perfect 1:1 here due to the circumstances) and... the two "parents" who were involved in her creation? Benjamin didn't see her worth as coming from whether she'd been born human or machine. And as for Ayin...

Ayin created her knowing that he'd have to torture her. To quote the song Answers from FFXIV: "Tell us why, given Life, we are meant to die, helpless in our cries?" - he knew that he was creating her to suffer. He had already seen everyone he knew and loved die horribly, save for Benjamin (who would leave him shortly after). The Ayin of Day 50 says in one of the pop-up messages that he hopes no one has to die or suffer today.

Ayin, even before he built her, couldn't look at Elijah, forced Gabriel into pain and discomfort to be sure that he wasn't infectious, found out that Michelle had committed suicide while on the run from the Head, was the only survivor of the assault on the Outskirts lab, hearing Daniel and many others die painfully. He was able to steel himself to deal with creating Binah, but - he knew that simply seeing the aftermath of what she'd done to Enoch was enough to end Carmen's spark and kill her, so he had to know that if he gave a machine even part of Carmen's heart or mind, this would make said machine suffer.

I honestly don't think that Ayin hated Angela, or that he truly believed that "a machine should only act as a machine." Perhaps this is headcanon territory, but we hear and see him apologise to her, and tell her she's done a good job at a very specific moment - when she's free, and when she's chosen to do the right thing.

He knows at this moment that whatever she's doing, is purely by her own choice. She's outgrown being "just" a machine - so if that was what he truly felt, then wouldn't it stand to reason that he'd be upset or angry at her not staying true to it?

And yet, he doesn't. There's just the same awkward voice that doesn't really know how to people, saying only a few words, but the all-important ones she's wanted all this time.

To summarise a post that became way too long:

Ayin is someone that the games make it easy to dislike, due to the things he does - however, these things are normal in the City, and the major difference between him and the other Wings is that he was willing (as Hokma points out) to commit sins in order to work toward a better world, rather than be satisfied living in the one they were in.

We can see the kind of person that Ayin in through the eyes of the people who know him best, in what they say and don't say, and also what they choose to do, and how they choose to stick by him even long after he's "gone."

Much of what we know about Ayin comes from biased sources, not least himself, but especially Angela. But once you take what they give us and compare and contrast it all against what we see from the others, you can start to make a full, bigger picture of this one single person...

...which, honestly, fits rather well with the entire point of the Tree of Life being about how one is only able to see a person's (God's) true self via the emanations, or various different parts, all of which are named Sephirot.

[skyborneveggie]

Ooh for the 'send me a character' game:

Part of me wants to say Killua, because of your recent hxh reblogs...

But I'd of course also like to hear more Matsuda thoughts from you. So take your pick-- whichever you're more in the mood to talk about :)

Ahhh two of my favorites 🥺, can I do both? :>

First Matsuda! Since this has been primarily a dn blog for a while now ahaha.

favorite thing about them: I think out of everything, what I find to be most admirable about Matsuda is his ability to persevere & continue on despite knowing that others see him as useless; and despite himself even having internalized that opinion of himself. It's bittersweet, the way he tries to let it roll off his shoulders & not let it dissuade his enthusiasm for his work. He tries so hard to be like "if this is who I am, then so be it," and then embrace that role for all it's worth in the name of the objective.

least favorite thing about them: Does this mean least favorite thing about how they're written; or thing I'd like least about them if they were a real person? Regardless, the one & only scene of Matsuda that I don't really care for is the one where he seems gleeful at (what he thinks is) Light cheating on Misa with Takada.

favorite line: "I have to kill him. This guy has got to die!" CHILLS every time.

brOTP: Not exactly brotp, but I do enjoy the father/son dynamic between Matsu & Soichiro. Also, another not-brotp, but I think the Matsuda & Mikami dynamic could be interesting, as they both come to terms with the mutual loss of their pedestalled icon. Perhaps a wary & melancholic understanding, that they can't find with others.

OTP: I loveee toxic Matsulight. I love the idea of Light being attracted to Matsuda through a subconscious sense of empathy over their similarities, but also being in denial that such similarities exist. I also love the idea of post-DN Ide patching Matsuda up after Light's imposed destruction, taking care of him & helping him heal. Honestly, I could ship Matsuda with anyone because to me he is just so lovable~

nOTP: Sayu/Matsuda. Just because for personal reasons, I want Sayu to escape the narrative 🥺. She still has her entire life ahead of her, and I want her to have the chance to branch out & heal & become a new person. I don't want her to feel like she has no choice but to cling to the people she knew before everything changed, as a way of trying to hold onto a previous, untraumatized version of herself. I don't want her entire life to be mired in decisions based in trauma & grief.

random headcanon: Idr who it was, but someone mentioned they headcannoned Matsuda as secretly really enjoying being Misa's manager & that he considered switching careers after the Kira case. I really like this one, I feel like Matsuda was actually a really good manager. He had the right amt of enthusiasm & booked Misa some really good gigs.

unpopular opinion: I'm not sure if it's an unpopular opinion, but how Matsuda is highly influenceable & lacks conviction/faith in his own ideals! To quote you since you summarized it so succinctly, he's "heavily motivated to act in the way that makes the people he looks up to proud, rather than his choices flowing primarily from his own principles necessarily." I feel that because of this, while he is very sweet & wholesome, he tends to edge more towards morally neutral than morally good for me, and has a capacity to be swayed towards bad.

song i associate with them: I'm not very good with songs for characters, but perhaps Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls for post-dn Matsu? A bittersweet but hopeful song about trying to find your way out of the muddled grey and black and white, and trying to come to terms with the fact that there may no answers as to the "why".

favorite picture of them: How could it not be this lol

Now Killua!!! Omg thank you for asking about him, I love him very much & have cosplayed him before <3

favorite thing about them: It's hard to put into words, but I really appreciate Killua's vulnerability, both physically & emotionally, especially in juxtaposition with his combative strength. I find it poignant to the themes of hxh that Killua's special combative abilities have come at the expense of his personal & bodily autonomy, and that this is shown through implication to be the terrible thing that it is. I also really love that despite trauma, he is able to let himself just be kid & form meaningful connections & allows himself to find joy 💜

least favorite thing about them: Related to my favorite thing, I find it incredibly frustrating that Killua is incapable of letting any vulnerability leak out in front of Gon!!!! Killua has a lot going on internally & goes through a couple breakdowns followed by moments of self-realization, but always away from Gon's perception. He doesn't even tell Gon he tore his brother's nen needle out of his forehead iirc 😭. Part of it, I think, is that he doesn't want Gon to treat him any differently, he just wants to pretend he's a normal kid with no trauma to weigh him down & have fun freely. Which is completely understandable. And he's also just a kid, who doesn't fully understand or know how to express emotions. But it is very painful to watch him go through so much internal turmoil while holding onto the image of Gon as his guiding light; while Gon has no idea anything is happening in his friend's mind at all. 😭😭😭 (There is a very good post here about their miscommunication.)

favorite line: "Yep... I'm so humble :3", when he's demonstrating the difference in power between Hisoka, Gon, and himself. Adorable moment!

brOTP: Killua & Leorio get along just like squabbling siblings lmao, but you can tell they have a fondness for eachother. I feel like Leorio is the older brother Killua should have had 🥺🥺🥺

OTP: Killugon is so dear & sweet! I feel like their friendship is built up so masterfully; where two people who it feels like shouldn't get along, fit together perfectly. And then they seem to keep on going perfectly, until all of a sudden the cracks come out, and they don't anymore, and they both have to grow up a little to fix it.

nOTP: Killupika. I don't hate it, but I can't really see it either. From my two watchthroughs, Killua & Kurapika's interactions didn't seem to leave much of an impression on me because I cannot remember them 😅

random headcanon: I enjoy the fic trope that the reason Killua is the Zoldyck heir because of his white hair. Usually I've seen it in conjuction with white hair being symbolic of containing stronger power, but I like it best when that's not the case & it is solely tradition for the white-haired child to be the heir. I find it very amusing and canon-type silly lol.

unpopular opinion: I have only seen the anime so perhaps it is different in the manga. But I remember thinking on my second watchthrough that while Gon said some very harsh things during the palace invasion, Killua's insecurities during this arc started before then when Gon simply said "let's go," and Killua didn't know if he meant it as a friend or teammate. Tbh I think that insecurity is something Killua needs to work on on his own for a while, & that the temporary break might be good for them. They are both two very traumatized kids who have problems with boundaries & communication. I feel like they need a little time to figure out their own needs & wants & identities, without imposing or being imposed upon by each other.

song i associate with them: Again I'm not very good with songs for characters, but maybe White Foxes by Suzanne Sundfor, as a visceral song about wanting to leave your constrictive gilded cage and embrace a more organic, freeing existence.

favorite picture of them: Early style sketchy Killua <3