#and i realized it's all been because if desirability and like 'well if i wasnt so feminine no one would want me' as if anyone wants me—

[badcountryofficial]

Be honest does the "I don't need T because I have This Sweater" sound like copium

[mythalism]

i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.

any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.

i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.

however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.

and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.

[itsrlymine]

HIIII i would like to be 🐩 anon. First, I want to say that I absolutely love ur account, many of ur posts have been like a kind of wake-up call (???) cause I finish reading them (or halfway through) and stop bc I finally understand and its so simple 😭😭😭 I already had some knowledge of the Law in the past, but I have learned so much more about it. However, about a month ago, I realized that I wasnt doing it with the intention of learning but cause I thought I needed to do more or that I wasnt "enough." But the Law was always easy, and I complicated it 😭😭

Since that moment, I decided to step back a bit from social media, and thats when I realized with my own eyes how easy the Law really is omfg. I just imagine that anything (whether material or not) is mine and in my present, and Ive managed to manifest so many things that in the past I would have considered big, but it doesnt matter because thats the past!!! Things like moving to my desired home; I made a vision board where I placed the house I "wanted," but I didnt check it all the time (at ALL) cause I just kept in mind that it was already there and all that, and guess where I live nowwww🤭🤭🤭🤭

I also manifested a group of 6 friends. Im still a bit shy in some ways, but thats not an issue. I had detailed in my mind how these people would be (people I had never seen before), and on instagram, they sent me a request. In fact, when I manifested becoming close to a schoolmate (we’re now bffs), her friends also started talking to me. I even managed to have someone talk to me again!!! The context is long, but due to misunderstandings, she and the group that used to be my friends got stuck in lies that people said about me there, and I distanced myself (in 2023). This year, about a month ago, I remembered her (special one from that group) and thought, "if i miss her so much, why not manifest that she have my number... oh righttt she already have it." I even knew what messages they would send me, and thats exactly what happened, word for word

Hello babe!!!

I actually love that you read through my posts and stopped eventually bc they clicked 😭😭 That’s incredible. It’s also beautiful that you’ve realized you can have anything that you want bc everything is the same and yours anyways!

I love that you manifested your desired home just by knowing it’s yours. I love vision boards as well but they only work when you acknowledge that what you want has manifested already.

I’ve manifested new friends by doing the same thing and ofc they just made their way to you!!! You are a magician. You are magic itself!!! Thank you so much for sharing and I know this will inspire others!!!!💖💖

[qoldenskies]

I have a theory that when Raph was outside Donnie's door, crying, apologizing, and begging for Donnie to love him; Donnie actually wanted to immediately go out and hug him, comfort him, and tell him that he loved him (After all he knows how it feels to beg and cry for love and be rejected, and he doesn't wish that on any of his brothers), but he just couldn't because of fear and trauma (He literally couldn't barely be around Raph without starting to have a panic attack and begging for his life) and he's frustrated with himself for it.

That's why the next day he forces himself and tries harder to be around his siblings, interact with them and try to physically touch them or let them touch him, even if it still terrifies him, because he is able to notice that his siblings also need comfort, and he can't fix it in his situation... (When his brothers realize this, he's going to break their hearts again 😭)

It's very much his character to try to improve because others need him more than because he needs it...

I also think that one of the keys to his healing is for his siblings to show vulnerability and how this situation has also broken them emotionally, and how they need him 🥺.

Of course, the ideal is that he would take the time he needs, focus on his healing at his own pace and because he needs it, but they don't have the privilege of "time heals all", so it can be forgiven ❤️.

yep!!! essentially!! :3

donnie especially around the second half of caged lungs HARD pivoted to focusing on nothing but their happiness and contentment, because in his work there'd always been an underlying desire to prioritize it (you know. as their breadwinner and provider. and theoretically he does every job around the house just short of easy chores; he was even the one to teach medic work to leo in CC. even if splinter was a more active parent, its not like he'd magically turn into a carpenter lmfao), but still his desire for praise was such a driving force. it wasnt complete selflessness before- i'd say it probably is now.

really its a little painful that guilt tripping is the thing that backed him into this corner, and it's the thing that's actually successfully been coaxing him out of it up to this point. he's developed a very extreme fawn response (that was almost like a worst case scenario of behavior he was ALREADY falling back on before all this happened) and so far exploiting it has been the most successful play, which uhhhh sucks!!! lol. poor dude

this'll probably be a huge problem even once they're in the clear, too. leo recognizes his assessment of not really wanting him to do his job is selfish but its also kind of fair, because i could genuinely see donnie RELENTLESSLY throwing himself into chores until his hands bleed when he thinks someone's upset with him, or is experiencing a delayed trigger he cant identify the source of, or even on days where he wakes up upset after bad dreams (which are about to become very regular, actually). as much as it sucks they'll probably have to keep an eye on him, they'll probably want him going to them before he decides to do something like that because it is a form of self-harm. no matter how necessary it may be, they dont like the idea of him having to ask permission to do things, but oh well.

[langliblade]

cean's relationship with pain, strength and the significance of his wolf tatooo

(Crosspost from twt i kinda repeated some points i wrote in my last tumblr post ahh but i think this is my complete analysis!! cuz initially i was like Wait did this aspect of cean's character get resolved? Then i remembered his wolf tattoo, and yes it did!! in my opinion at least)

been thinking a lot about cean's complicated relationship with strength and relating it to his worth, and initially i couldnt figure out how he grew from this insecurity, but then i realized...his wolf tattoo is the symbol of his character growth

cean thinks hes only Worthy of his position (in love and life and libei) if he's invincible, if he doesn't fail. Yeah part of why hes so hard on himself when he fails is bc of ego too, but i think it's more bc he feels he let everyone down

like qi zhuyin said, xiao jiming's expectations of cean is also his cage. cean knows that xjm expects him to take over the libei armored cavalry someday. ppl compare both brothers all the time and say cean inherited more of the wolf nature that's needed for a libei general

ppl say it's too bad he wasnt born the eldest son, bc now his "heaven-sent" talents are useless. bc now he's just a wolf w no fangs the constant judgement from outsiders PLUS xiao jiming's great expectations for him....thats such a heavy weight on a kid.....i think thats why cean developed that constant desire to prove himself, but it was all put to an end once he got to qudu 😭 they sent him to the imperial army to rot (which didnt happen cuz they underestimated him)

So fast forward. autumn hunt… i read a review once that said they thought cean's actions were stupid and careless and were contrary to his established character. But i disagree!! in hindsight, yes the better plan would be to not expose his capabilities. like qhl said, if he kept up his facade a little longer he could have gone home sooner

but lanzhou understood why he did it, bc he knew what it was like to suffer in silence. he was fed up😭 and he would rather go home after he had proven himself worthy of it, with a victory via protecting li jianheng. Not just because he faked his way back to libei

"He wanted to go home."

"He wanted to go home, proudly and honestly, as himself."

Now how does the significance of strength relate to pain for cean? my thoughts started cooking when i read that scene in book 2 where he extinguishes a candle w his fingers, because he liked that searing pain OMFG I WISH I HAD BOOK 2 RN BC IDR THE CONTEXT OF THAT SCENE. but i vaguely remember it relates to libei. anyway there's that, and i was like hmm whst does that mean? And i think i understood it more after he told ji gang to punish him by whipping whenever lanzhou gets hurt. in other words, When he fails to protect lanzhou. when he fails to fulfill his promise to him:

"It won’t hurt anymore. I promise. Lanzhou will never hurt again."

cean thinks he deserves punishment via physical pain when he thinks hes let people down. because he is unworthy of his position if hes not invincible.

I've always thought lanzhou and cean's journeys were inverse: lanzhou grows as he gains what he's lost to fate, and cean grows as he loses what fate has given him. And to someone who thinks he's worthless when he fails….😭😭 well……..

The tragedy is that he learns he is worth more than his failures or victories after he loses his father. when cean thougt was needed the most, he couldn't protect xfx. his father and also the backbone of libei. double defeat…..

but again, lanzhou was there. he was there to depend on him, to let cean know that he didn't need to be invincible to be worthy of love, of his position in libei, or as xjm's brother and xfx's son. lanzhou's dependence meant his trust and belief and love is unconditional. if cean told lanzhou "with me here, you will never fall" …i think lanzhou's response would be "even if you fall, I'll always be here"

when cean got the wolf tattoo (before the injury he got from trying to get xfx back healed ), i think that was meant to show his newfound understanding of himself. a permanent reminder of how he failed, but also that he wont let it define him. he'll keep going even if he falls

[richeeduvie]

I like to think that after the Gojo sale Roman’s possessive tendencies of Baby amped up to 100 if it already wasnt pretty intense before it. He hated seeing her still go to work and made her phone constantly feel like a vibrator the way hes always sending her messages and dick pics. He’d be unbearable to other people but Baby is no stranger to his neediness.

He wants her all to himself because almost everything has been taken away from him. He’d probably disrupt her morning routine just so it takes her longer to get ready for work. Clings onto her the morning she wakes up, some of her things are missing, and finds that some of her clothes have been soiled because of… well,, yeah.

Destructive slime puppy indeed. Like a dog eating your homework 🐶

Dog eating your homework is a perfect way to describe Roman. He eventually settles after a bit of time when it comes to Baby still working at Waystar and in the fic where they meet up after that Gojo sale, he says he doesn't care or expect her to suddenly quit her job with him...but, come one. He's Roman. It's Baby.

But really, he lost everything and a lot of things to Waystar, it's all bullshit - and his siblings lost whatever love they could give each other because of it, he lost parts of his brother over it. He can't lose her over it.

He won't, but that's how Roman's head works.

Baby will make a joke about using her phone as a vibrator because of how her phone keeps buzzing and buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. It might get Roman red, or his cock hard. Either way. He'll keep sending her things. First, it's a lot of dick pics and insulting innuendos, but slowly - in desperation and loneliness, because Roman hasn't taken to realizing that he can go outside and do things without Baby, he just sends her things about his days, words and images. She finds it endearing.

"Roman, did you cum on the skirt I said I was going to use today?"

"...Yeah? Who else would've done it. Unless you've been squirting weird."

"I'm not coming home tonight."

Roman's face, not with a smile but with smugness - it all drops.

"Actually? What the fuck? What did I even do that's diff-"

"I'm gonna do late night shopping because my clothes are fucking soile-"

"I'll just fucking take you! You don't have to cry about it."

All the panic is what Baby revels in. They feed each other dinner after late night shopping. Then, they go to bed. Baby knows she'll wake up to suffocating arms around her, squeezing her desire to leave him.

[sos717]

https://www.tumblr.com/blommp717/755407309435502592/thoughts-on-this

so like i understand that there is no ‘doing’. and that when i think of it, that is the experience itself but forgive me for still being method focused, why does this seemingly physical experience still persist? what changes did you make where it got to a point where you no longer ‘do’ things. i still don’t understand how my seeming physical appearance will shifts with what my awareness is on if i still have to think about things that i have to do in the ‘future’ while also being aware of my ‘desired’ life where those future things aren’t happening.

like i become aware of that desired life and i’m like well then it’s real and i feel good but then i also am aware of things i have to do in my current life.

I see, I apologize in advance for the long reply but here I go.

This feels like a journey, though a pretend journey, a journey nonetheless. I’m going to be honest. Even for me, it can feel helpless on random things, just today I had what I’m sure people would consider an incredible success story.

(I’m only explaining so I can give you some context if you don’t want to read just go past the giant story)

These past few days I’ve had this one situation that’s been absolutely gutting me and triggering me, like when I tell you, it looked and felt like the entire world was working against me. Like every single thing was perfectly placed JUST to get a reaction out of me, like it was just waiting and pushing until I’d give up. Now how did I deal with it? All I kept in mind was everything only had the option to work in my favor, I would throw in some personal affirmations of the situation I wanted and how the outcome was to be, but in the end it was about what I chose to be aware of. Throughout the entire day, if I chose to focus on what the 3D was telling me I think I’d be depressed 😭😭. Like it looked like new information about how it WASNT gonna work out for me kept coming.

But no, the only thing that mattered was where my focus was, and yes, I felt the famous pit in my stomach that I’m sure we all feel, I felt my body burn every time I thought about what I didn’t like, but it still didn’t matter because I got what I wanted and actually even better. What kept me still was knowing there is no way that what I perceive isn’t me, wether I like it or not, it doesn’t matter because it’s still me, recognize it and move on, recognize it as yourself, stop letting it hold something over you, BECAUSE IT IS YOU.

It does feel like “doing” in these situations, and I quickly remind myself of all the things I’ve experienced by simply being aware of them, it helps me push back in place. But I think it’s the most important In experiences that feel like they hold something over us to remember that, everything is temporary, in the same way I can waste my time thinking over and over about something I don’t like, feel awful about it and keep experiencing it, I can be aware of what I want, feel awful about it and experience what I want. I have two options but in one of them, I’m thinking about what I want, seems like a win to me.

Remember also, whatever you’ve experienced, is gone and died the moment it left your immediate perceived physical space. YOU DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN 😭😭. Idk why I used to do this so much and I think it’s because we feel an obligation in a way to keep what we see as more important but omg, if awareness of the only reality it’s realizing that this apparent 3D replica, relies on you. Something triggering that happened? Okay cool, don’t resists it, recognize it’s you, if you want you can recall what you’ve been focusing on recently and what could have brought this to your awareness in this moment, and move to your new POV. Stop staying so hard stuck in a story you don’t even like!!! I ALSO did this so much! Nothing continues, I know it might seem that way but a nothing KEEPS GOING, something you don’t like? K it’s just one instance, whatever you choose to stack on top of that “negative” experience, becomes the, in a way, continuation. Everything is an entirely different experience, this life that we as god have made, this illusion we’ve made, is meant to be lived out so of course it feels fluid and natural as if in a forward motion, but it’s all just moments of right now, when you think about a memory, you don’t teleport to the past because it’s not a place you can go, it’s all now, even the future, it’s not somewhere you can walk to, it’s thought about in the now. I’m starting to ramble a bit but I hope this helped you. Just remember everything is about awareness, which is actually all you are and which is everything, so, be god, stop pretending to be human.

[itgomyway]

former limiting beliefs i used to hold and how i let them go ♡

(disclaimer: these are based off of my own experience! share yours on your own blog 🥰)

“the 3d HAS to reflect the 4d just understand you have it in your 4d no matter what.” um there is no separation between the 3d and 4d when you are already 1 being (consciousness). theres no need to live in a separate entity known as imagination when its the same as the “3d” anyways. the concepts of “imagination” “physical world” or “3d” are just false forms of consciousness youve made up and personified it as real. they are not. only you are.

“the more you repeat your affirmations the more likely they will come” theres nothing to “do” or say that will bring me my desires since i am everything i already am my desires. the idea of “doing” anything to “get something” outside of me doesnt make sense when its all in me. affirmations can be used to “bring things to your awareness” but understand the affirmations themselves are STILL not bringing you anyway. just making you aware of things.

“dont check the 3d! you’ll be in a state of lack/showing yourself you dont have it!” PLS GIVE ME A BREAK?? why the fuck are you telling urself you are with someone but afraid to check their socials or for their notifications? either date someone u like or you dont think you have it. because lets be honest. if you really were in a relationship with your desired person the idea of “checking the 3d”- which u already claim IS your 4d- shouldnt be an issue. and if it is then something aint right but i wont judge!

“youre in a state of neutrality if you dont care ab not getting your desires and you dont have them” damn yall strict asf. you cant even be indifferent without it meaning something. you either have it or you dont. if im indifférent its bc i have it why stress? fucking decide already

“neville taught ab non dualism!” here we go. then why tf did you misinterpret his words like that and make it sound obnoxious? i believe he did, just like his teacher, teach non dualism (the power of awareness by him is great) but his teachings are a far cry from the nonsense most of you spew in his name. and dont even get me started on how neville used to refer to the law of assumption as the “law of consciousness” but i digress. if you separate yourself or any aspects of being then it isnt non dualism.*

going into my next point “you HAVE to read source to understand!!” i am so glad most of the law of assumption community is breaking free from this mindset cuz you infact do not HAVE to read anything. if you are the operant (main) power doesnt this mean you are your own source? oh i thought so…

“work on your self concept to manifest your sp if you dont have them your sc is shitty” well it wasnt shitty til you told me i had work to do 💀. once again there is NOTHING you need to do but “be”. working on your sc can help u feel better ab yourself for sure but its not required!

for supposedly limitless beings, a lot of yall are very limited. be careful who you get your advice from because personally i wouldnt take after someone whos too scared to text their sp- oops i mean significant other. (disclaimer: once again not bashing loa just the users who can’t decide that they believe and switch every other day. very common on law of assumption twitter!)

if you realize youve been limiting yourself this whole time and now youre like “what now-“ well as ive stated before, theres STILL nothing you need to do. youre not missing anything. this isnt a blog on why you dont have your desires, i cant tell you the answer im not your creator. (you also are everything so you in fact have your desires)

like non dualism, i hope to share this way of life with you as you’re not getting anything so theres no need for limitations. LIVE YOUR LIFE. if someone is advising you to fear your own power then ignore them cuz wtf! life is suppose to be fun not a rule book!

*disclaimer: i have nothing against neville goddard. i really like some of his teachings. however i would never go to one of his living students for advice, ESPECIALLY on twitter. not only do most parrot the same limiting beliefs he himself didnt hold, but most are obnoxious about the topic of the law of assumption. i don’t even “manifest” but if i were trying to and had them to go to I’d probably cry. if you really wish to read “source”, read The Power Of Awareness by Neville Goddard and Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle 💜 learn from the teachers themselves FIRST <3

© itgomyway

[dollanganger-in-the-attic]

Do you think there would be any major differences to the series if Cory had survived or if he hadn’t existed at all?

Anon im so glad you asked because YES i think Cory and his death played a huge roll in not just fita but Petals as well- if not MORE so. Cory’s death fueled Cathy’s hatred and desire for revenge. No matter what opportunities life presented her, there was nothing that could make up for the loss of Cory. I mean he fucking died dude 😭 and then CARRIE of course couldnt move on. She lost her other half. I guarantee if Cory had been with her in school she wouldnt have been so lonely and let the bullying get to her. And then she killed herself to be with him because lets face it Cathy wasnt realllllly there for Carrie the way she needed to be. Idk if Cathy would have found her peace if Cory hadn’t died, but i doubt she’d have been as blood thirsty.

Back to fita, it was after Cory died that the children realized they needed to leave like YESTERDAY. Of Cory hadnt died they might have stuck around longer who knows

This is why it pisses me AWFFFF so bad that the ghost writer retconned Cory’s death. Like who gave you the right? (DONT answer that)

[exmeowstic]

as a FFXIV player I am VERY curious to learn more about bastion’s lore!!! Is there anything you’d be able to share?? Like, maybe for example.. what are his canon classes and when/why did he pick each of them up?

I hope that this is alright! And that you are having a good whatever-time-of-day-it-currently-is-for-you!~

WAAA hihi!!!!

SO this will maybe be kind of a partial answer because its an aspect of his character stuff im actively working on (ignore the fact i did write a small essay under the readmore)!! i wanna try to start actually answering asks or floating ideas even if its not 100% set in stone bc knowing myself ill get too caught up wanting to replay the entirety of msq and read everything three times to make sure i know Exactly what im talking about. and if i do that it will take 50 years to get anything done or answered <:3

that being said. tldr im playing around w the idea of his canon classes being

- realm reborn: acranist/summoner

- heavensward: red mage

- stormblood: samurai

- shadowbringers: dark knight/black mage

- endwalker: paladin

more thoughts under the cut :3 im certain i missed smth obvious.

for context before i start truly yapping in game ive mostly stuck with samurai bc i was too scared to branch out and have only Just started scratching the surface w other classes.... to say nothing of actually getting into the job quests and stories and whatnot. plus i played thru arr/hw/a lot of stb Literal Years ago before taking a huge break and only just returning recently... so a lot of early msq is truthfully fuzzy for me.. (=w=) all that being said.

the only thing set in stone right now is bastions starting class with arcanist into summoner!! #limsagirlies <3333 while esp early game hes not doing well and is terrified of everything, he is forever and always defined by a desire to explore and learn things and didnt necessarily have the chance to do that at all with his pre msq circumstances, so i think the moment he had the opportunity to pick up a book and start learning things he took it and ran <3 also i just think its very fitting for his first step to be the "summon a friend so youre never alone" class. you know arr bastion is emotionally dependent on his carbungle :3

i do think towards the end of realm reborn he starts realizing how much shit hes in and comes to the conclusion he needs to get physically stronger too so i could see him starting to dip into red mage for heavensward so he can really get his hands on a weapon. still gets to stick to using magic but now he has a Sord <3 also red mage looks really cool.....

his class around stormblood is definitely gonna be samurai... id like to replay this general part of msq to really refresh myself i dont have too much to say lol and it feels like a rly obvious pick since its my actual main class in game... i think stormblood got the worst of my memory problems tbh

for shb i could see him starting out picking up dark knight (im thinking back in hw he messed with it a little meeting fray and whatnot but wasnt able to fully embrace it until now) though.... i can make it sad. so i will. his classes have been getting steadily more into physical combat and big swords but i think as shb goes on and he gets progressively more fucked up lightwarden style he starts to regress back into wanting to stick with spellcasting/becomes too weak to reliably fight physically the way he has been. (bonus points what if he tried to pick summoner back up but got too upset bc his emotional support carbuncle now looks about as corrupted with light as he does :3c.....) no i think itd be fun for him to pick up black mage around this point. i think clothing wise he probably also uses it as an excuse to start wearing more long robes and clothes that cover up what is happening to him so no one worries <3

a little uncertain past this point for endwalker though im leaning towards paladin (it helps that the lb3 for paladin is quite literally called Last Bastion). something something finally comfortable living up to his name protecting and fighting for what he believes in <3 also i ahm. ummm. i like the idea of him looking like a dashing little knight <:3 im sure gwaha does too.

and final note i took a break after finishing endwalkies so i have no real thoughts regarding post edw/dawntrail yet...

(truthfully i was SO interested in you talking abt clio n lorenzas classes a while back. it was so so in depth and interesting and i love the idea of hybrid classes or just one class picking up skills and flavoring from another and how they blend togther... i do think i need to get the barebones of bastions Everything down before i get into finer details like specific stances and skills and styles of fighting. but i was super looking at how you break down clio n lorenzas classes its so so good!!!)

[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡ meet the parents. chapter 4

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count: around 3.1k I believe

chapter warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, (theres a flashback) trigger warning for this bc kaito is a little manipulative. Mentions of adhd, medications. There’s a lot of hot and cold behavior between Tae and reader, as well as a fight towards the end. Sorry!

A/N another thanks to everyone whos been liking, reading and reblogging this story (along with my other drabbles). I know my page isnt huge or anything but I love writing and seeing all of the support really motivates me, so thank you :) I also got to sit down and really plan out the rest of my chapters with great detail, I think you guys are gonna like the upcoming chapters so stay tuned (lots of drama)

enjoyyy! (also, I plan to create a spotify playlist for this series!)

A week later.

Taehyung turned around from the stove to face his laptop, currently on the page of something he thought he would never see, a college. he scrolled before turning back to flip his pancake, ensuring he didn't burn it. Over the past week, youve been spending most days and nights over at Kaitos, so he's had more room to think about things.

He wants to become more serious with his art desire, and he wants to prove to not only you, but himself, that he can do big things. So here he is, signing up for local art classes at the college a few streets down. He checked the schedule really quick to make sure that nothing would overlap with the class dates, humming to himself when he realized his first class would be this Saturday morning, the same day his parents were coming for dinner. He sat back against the counter and looked down at Yeontan, who was waiting for bits of food to fall.

Dinner. He forgot all about that, good thing you wrote it on the calendar. would you still even be up for going?

He sat in thought, perhaps too much thought. Taehyung's head whipped around at the aroma of burnt pancakes. "shit!"

maybe he should sign up for a cooking class too?

You and Taehyung havent spoken too much since he word vomited his confessions at you last week. The longest conversation you both shared was 2 days ago when your period suddenly came and you asked tae to bring you to the store late at night because you had ran out of tampons.

there was no discussion about anything he had said to you though, as if there was a mutual agreement to drop it and move on.

he scooped his somewhat burned pancake and put it on the plate, cutting off the black part and managing to revive his breakfast, seeming content with his work. "Not too bad, huh?" he smiled and looked down at his dog, who seemed to assume the food was for him.

Once taehyung sat down at the kitchen counter, he went back to reviewing the art classes website when suddenly you walked in.

The boys eyes darted up to the door, watching you put your bag down and look at him.

"hey" he shyly waved, taking a bite of his food.

you smiled, "hi", making your way over to him and sniffing the air. "you burnt them" you couldn't help but laugh a little.

"listen, it wasnt as bad as last time, taste" taehyung held the fork out with a small bit of food on it, allowing you to try it. "hm" you hummed, nodding. "ok its not charred ill give you that"

He smiled and watched as you sit down and pick tannie up. "so did you have fun at kaitos?" he asked, trying to just have small talk with you.

you looked up at him, "uh yeah, I guess" you shrugged, remembering last night. "we watched sports and he explained the entire game to me like I was stupid and didnt play soccer for 7 years" you laughed and moved your head to get close to the puppy in your arms, allowing taehyung to notice the dark purple mark hidden just above your clavicle.

he nearly chokes on his food, drawing your attention to him. "are you okay?" he nods and clears his throat. clearly you two didn't just watch sports. "im good, just swallowed wrong" he took a sip of his water and tapped his foot, avoiding his eyes from you as he thought of something else to say considering this conversation has now outlasted any previous ones of the past 7 days.

"oh you know this Saturday is the um, the dinner with my parents?" you looked at his laptop, feeling your eyes burn onto him. "oh shit I forgot about that" you smiled and looked over at the calendar on the fridge. "I did too" he laughs.

"you dont have to go if you arent up for it" he mumbles, still unable to look at you. "oh im going, I havent seen them in so long, even if we left off on a bad note, Im still close with them and I think its important to go to the dinner" you spoke matter of factly.

He simply nodded and took another bite of food.

"what are you doing?" you nosily ask, trying to drag out the interaction considering the fact you had missed conversing with your best friend.

He watches you lean over to look at his laptop. "oh its just, something Im interested in doing." tae shrugged, embarrassed you saw the website.

"art classes?" you ask, "I didnt know you liked that type of thing?"

"yeah, Ive always kinda wanted to do it but never had the chance. I mine as well try it right?" he smiled shyly.

"I think thats good for you" you nod, patting his back. "getting out more and stuff, you are always working from home. Oh look, the class is at my college so we might run into each other" you joke and walk off to your room.

the feeling of your hand against his back causes him to tense up, still trying to wrap his head around what he saw. It couldn't have been a hickey, maybe it was something else, perhaps you got hurt, right? .

oh who is he kidding. Who gets hurt on the neck like that, it was a hickey no doubt. (a/n: looking at you namjoon)

why was he kinda upset about that? He respected your space and the fact you are dating kaito, and thats what people who are in love do, they kiss each other....and stuff. He shook his head and stood up, deciding to go for a walk outside to clear his head.

-

While Tae headed out, you stepped into the bathroom to shower. Staring back at your reflection as you removed your shirt, revealing the dark spots peppering you neck and chest, your mind was brought back to the night prior.

Kaito kissed along your jaw, his hand coming under your shirt to brush your bare skin. you two were watching a soccer game but somehow it turned into a make out session he decided to bring upstairs to his room.

he hummed and pressed his lips against yours, your hand in his hair. he began pushing himself so his body was between your legs, hand now reaching for the hem of your shirt. "hm" you mumbled and pushed him off a bit, making him sit back and look at you. "what?" he asked, out of breath.

its not like you havent had sex with kaito.....ok, no thats exactly it. Youve never had sex with him. The most you two have done was letting him finger you under the blanket while watching a movie, then in return, sucking his dick in the backseat of his car.

He was more than ready to move forward with you, but you for some reason weren't.

you sighed and shrugged, removing his hand from your shirt. Kaito looked back at you before sitting to the side and laying on his back. "do you not want to have sex with me or something?" he spoke up.

"no, no, no, I do!" you lied, suddenly feeling guilt.

"then whats your problem?" he sighed, "every time I start something you always shut it down."

"im sorry" you whisper.

"dont be sorry, just dont lead me on." he shook his head.

you sat for a moment, taking a deep breath before getting up and moving to straddle his waist, his eyes widened up at you.

"im just nervous...ive...never done it before" you lied again, trying to convince him otherwise.

"oh" he spoke, hands on your waist as he seemingly took interest in the thought of him being the one to take your virginity.

the last time you had sex was a few months ago with taehyung. you've never done it with anyone else, ever.

"you trust me, right?" he tilted his head

you scanned his face, nodding. "yeah...."

with that he returned his lips against yours

your fingers ran over your chest, tears brimming to your eyes as you began to quietly sob. It wasn't like you had not consented to it. It was a mutual thing, and he's your boyfriend for god sakes, so why did you feel so damn dirty?

you cried as you showered away your thoughts and tried to wash off the feeling of disgust but it just wouldn't go.

and maybe, just maybe, deep down

you knew why.

-

Once Saturday had approached, you waited for taehyung to get back home from his first art class, deciding that you both could use a quick grocery shopping trip, as well as stop by the clothing store considering tonight was the dinner with his parents and you needed an outfit.

You looked at the clock to see it was almost 12, why isnt he home yet if the class ended at 11:40?

you decided on cooking a small breakfast while you waited, something for Taehyung too because you just know he had not eaten prior before leaving, and would be hungry when he returned.

Content with preparing some bacon and toast with fruit, you placed the dish on the counter before turning and grabbing Taehyung's medication from the top cabinet. Along with eating, you also have to remind him to keep up with his meds, which he has been taking since he was 13 for his ADHD. Sometimes you believe he thinks he doesnt have it, and thats why he forgets to take it.

finally sitting down to eat, you open up your laptop and begin to type away at some homework you needed to catch up on. You had not spoken to kaito in person since Wednesday night, he asked you for coffee this morning but you made some excuse about feeling ill, which had not been a total lie. You were worried that he was going to expect this of you each time you both met up. You've never felt so wrong about something you had no reason to be ashamed of, and the worst part was, you couldn't even talk to him about it. Kaito would make it some big issue about you 'not liking him enough or some shit'. You just knew you needed your own space for a few days, and were grateful you had extra concealer to hide the past weeks evidence painted along your neck, which you hoped to God taehyung had not seen.

you were drawn out of your thoughts as you watched the door open, a cheery tae walking in.

"hi!" he smiled and walked over, eating a piece of fruit off your plate.

"hey" you spoke, looking at him. "so? how was it?"

"it was so fun!! look, I made this" he held up a small canvas with strokes of multicolored paint splashed across in an artistic way. you nodded, not fully understanding art, in the same sense he couldn't understand literature. you didn't get why paint thrown on a white base was pretty or poetic, but you let him have it.

"I like it tae, good job" you offered a smile as he held it out into your hands. "keep it!" he spoke, turning to go greet his dog.

you smiled to yourself and looked over it before turning around as well, "eat breakfast and take your meds please, I was wondering if it was possible that we could go shopping before we meet up with your parents?"

he nodded and walked over to the counter, following your orders. "yeah we can, they arent gonna be ready to pick us up until 7." he spoke, shoving bacon into his mouth.

"perfect".

-

"Tae we dont need those, we have so many bags of chips at home" you protested, slumping as you pushed the grocery cart isle through isle.

He looked at the bag of cheese puffs and walked fast to catch up to you, "ah ah ah, nope. these ones are spicy. see?" He shoved it close to your face.

"fine." you sighed, trying to find the stuff you guys actually needed, like milk, coffee creamer, and-

"Taehyung??"

what??

you both turned around to see a younger girl walking up behind you, she had short hair and was bundled up in a large jacket, which is something you mentally mocked considering it was almost April.

you've definitely never seen her before, you turn to taehyung, "who the fuc-"

"annie!" he smiled and bows politely, leaving you in shock as you watched the two interact.

"long time no see" the girl giggled, almost obnoxiously

"we just saw eachother a few hours ago" he spoke

"it was a joke, taehyung" she laughed again, peaking over his shoulder to look at me. in that moment I could have sworn I felt her cold eyes burning into my skin.

"Hello, who is this?" she smiled and tapped tae's arm.

"Oh, thats y/n. shes my roommate" tae grinned at you and returned his eyes back at Annie.

roommate? thats all? no best friend since we were in diapers? You think you know a guy.

"Hi, Im annie. Taehyung and I go way back, and by that I mean we just met today." she smirked, tae laughing and adding on "In art class"

"oh" you nodded, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "nice to meet you" you bowed and turned to your grocery list, trying to seem busy as they continued their talking.

"I really liked your art" tae murmured, "it really feels like it goes beyond the surface" you roll your eyes and turn back, watching them.

"oh that means so much, thank you." she blushed.

SHE BLUSHED?

"you know, I have a Instagram account for my art....if you wanna follow?" Annie looked up with hopeful eyes, which tae reacted to by pulling his phone out and receiving the username.

seriously....who is this bitch?

"not to interrupt, but I have to get shopping now, we still need to go to the clothing store." you spoke, only facing tae.

"ok" he smiled and said his goodbyes to the girl, waving like a little kid before he caught back up with you.

"shes nice-"

"yah im sure, can we hurry?" you cut him off, watching his eyebrows scrunch before nodding.

-

Taehyung fiddled with the nearby clothing racks while he waited for you to get out of the dressing room. He never liked to go shopping, but when he went with you he always found it somewhat amusing, unless it was clothes shopping.

He paced slowly before knocking on the door. "are you almost done" he whispered, eyes looking around at nearby people.

"tae" you breathed out, "for the 3rd time, I will be out in a few, be patient." you spoke, aggravated.

he pouted and finally sat on the bench, tapping his feet while playing a game on his phone.

once you opened the door, you couldn't help but giggle at the sight. Like a kid waiting for his mom, he was funny without even knowing it.

"ok, how does it look?" you asked, grabbing his attention to the light brown sweater paired with a black mini skirt. It wasn't too special but it was nice, and it looked professional.

Tae looked up, eyes tracing over you entirely before gathering his words to speak. "uh....wow, you look really good" he nodded and stood up.

"are you sure? the skirt isnt too short, right?"

somewhere in his mind he wanted to make a joke and tell you it wasn't short enough, but he decided against it.

he shook his head. "you look beautiful."

you looked at him looking at you through the mirror as a wave of chills ran through your body.

he came up and carefully felt the fabric of the sweater, the feeling of his hand on you immediately made you flinch and pull away.

ah yes, the thought of physical touch. Something which disgusted you recently.

He frowned and before he could respond you went back to change into your regular clothes so you could purchase and leave.

Once you two were in the car, Tae had offered to stop and get you something to eat, you declined politely while he got himself a sandwich.

You felt bad considering you probably made him feel like he did something wrong, he didn’t. Taehyung wasnt the problem, you were.

The two of you quietly brought in the groceries, setting them on the counter. You began to put things away as you felt taehyungs eyes watching you. “What?” You exhaled, opening the fridge without even turning to direct your voice to him.

“Are you ok?”

“Why wouldnt I be?”

He blinked a few times while his fingers absent mindendly began to pick at his lower lip.

“Don’t do that” you spoke, watching him tuck his hands behind his back.

“It’s nothing I’m just, always checking in. You are my....friend. And I want you to be ok” he spoke as if he was unsure.

You jokingly scoffed and shook your head. “I’m ok Tae, i promise” you turned to him finally and offered a fake smile, something he saw right through but decided against speaking on it.

You heard him sigh before he walked back to head to his room. “I’m gonna shower”

“Ok” you mumbled and finished unpacking the groceries before taking your clothes and heading to your own room.

-

The clock read 6:40, that meant you and taehyung had to be dressed and ready to go in 20 minutes.

Taehyung decided to just slip on a button up shirt and dress pants, it’s his parents and he doesn’t feel too keen on trying to impress the people who always tell him he’s making the wrong choices.

He brushed his hair, mentally noting how long it’s gotten since the last time he let you cut it. His bangs lightly framed against his face as he sprayed cologne on, leaving the room to knock at your door. “Almost ready? Mom texted, she will be here a few minutes early?” He walked over to the hall to grab his coat off the rack, returning to hear your answer.

“Im doing my makeup!” You responded, careful with the mascara wand because you didn’t want to get it on anything other than your lashes. You quickly brushed your hair, clipping your bangs to the side while fluffing up the ends. You look over yourself, praising yourself for making the right clothing decision, it matched perfectly with your lipstick. You sprayed perfume on, the aroma filling your bathroom as you slipped a pair of small black heels on, making your way to the living room.

You had left your phone out on the kitchen counter while you got ready, something taehyung noticed when he stepping into the kitchen to fill Yeontans water bowl.

Your screen suddenly lit up with a text from kaito:

Kai: hey, still feeling sick? My sister made soup and if you want I can run by and drop some off. If it’s ok i might leave it at the door, i dont really care to run into taehyung.

Taehyung scrunched his nose, scoffing and moving closer to your phone. He was highly confused by the text, turning around and finishing his task.

“Im readyyy” you sung and hopped into the kitchen. Taehyung almost dropped the water bowl right onto the floor.

There you were, black tights , miniskirt, hair curled, all put together with red lipstick.

He swallowed hard, clearing his throat before speaking. “Well then.....”

“Do I look good?” You asked, looking down at your outfit.

“You look even more beautiful than you did in the store today” he looked at the bowl as he tried to speak nonchalantly, despite the fact his heart was racing.

How’s he supposed to suppress his feelings when you are standing there looking like THAT

“You look very handsome, Tae. You always do” you nodded, hoping he didn’t see the way your cheeks burned with blush.

You didn’t always get complimented, it wasn’t like you tried to fish for it either, but considering you have to pull a single “you look nice” out of your boyfriend when taehyung gives them for free is kind of ridiculous.

“Do I?” He teased

“Mhm” you smiled and brushed your hand through his hair quickly. “I like when you don’t use gel, the fluffy look is cute” you laughed and walked towards the door as taehyung put yeontan in his play gate.

He grinned to himself, knowing he will never use that gel again.

-

Once you two stepped out into the hall, he walked up to you and itched the back of his head.

“So, not to pry or anything, but your phone was left on the counter and I saw that um...kaito texted. He mentioned something about you being sick?”

Your eyes shot wide open, pulling your phone from your purse to look at the said message.

“If you weren’t feeling good you didn’t have to come” He shyly spoke, watching as you waved your hand at him.

“Tae, i lied” you smile, “I just wasn’t up for hanging out with him today.” You add.

“Oh....how come?”

You shrug, looking at him. “I don’t know.”

He looked down at his feet while you two made way towards the elevator. “Also, sorry that you saw him say that about you. He takes things super seriously” you scoff.

“It’s fine, It’s not my priority for him to like me” he spoke, pressing the button once you two stepped in. “Besides, Im the one who gets to hang with you today, so I win” he joked, allowing you to laugh softly and poke his arm.

It was nice to have some normalcy between you both, the past few weeks have been crazy and there’s been a lot of emotions, but it finally feels like things are getting back to the way they used to be.

“Ok so mom said her and dad would be right over here” he spoke as he looked at his phone, then looked up to the curb once you were outside. Your eyes peered around, there was no car yet.

“I guess we can just wait.” He put his phone away and looked around at the people on the street, something you began to join him in doing.

You both happened to catch someone dancing, making you both giggle. Your eyes then darted to an older couple crossing the street, arms linked sweetly. You nudged taes arm, grabbing his attention and whispering “look, it’s you and Annie in the future”

He immediately scoffed once he saw what you were referring to. “Ok I knew you were gonna make fun of me for that!” He whined and shyly walked away.

You began to laugh and ran up to him. “It’s not like that” he began. “Yet” you added on, watching him stop walking and turn to you.

“Ah i see...you are jealous.” He smirked.

“What?? No!! Im not j-...why would you-...what!” You stutter, watching him begin to say something before a car horn knocks you both out of the conversation.

“Hello!!” You see taehyungs mother waving her hand out the window, his father in the drivers seat as they pulled up to the curb. You bowed immediately once you got close, greeting them.

“Hello Mr and Mrs. Kim, it’s been a while, I missed you” you spoke sweetly,

“Ah y/n! It’s nice to see you again sweetheart” his mother kindly spoke

“Hi mom, dad.” Taehyung mumbled, his previously cocky state taking a more shy one.

“My son” his mom gripped his face and squished his cheeks. “Still chubby, good. You are finally eating more”

“Stop” he whispered, checking out of the corner of his eye to make sure you weren’t watching, glad you had been conversing with his father in that moment.

“Ok let’s go!” She cheered, ushering you both into the back seat before telling her husband what restaurant to go to.

they had initially wanted to come over so you could cook for them, but taehyung suggested a newer French restaurant nearby he swore they needed to try. You laughed at his obvious attempt to impress them.

The two of you squished together in the back seat, moving your body closer to the window as the air suddenly left the car. “You look lovely, y/n” taes father complimented. “Thank you Mr.Kim! You and your wife look very nice as well”

“How’s college, dear?” You turned your attention to his mom, who wasted no time digging into details about your life.

“Uhm it’s okay, lots of classes” you smile, watching her nod. “Still majoring in theatre?”

“Of course”

She clicked her tongue playfully, choosing to not make a comment against your choice of career...or lack of.

You silently praise the fact the drive to the restaurant was quick, allowing you time to climb out and avoid the conversation.

“This place is nice” you whisper to Tae, watching him nod. “We don’t belong here” you chuckled, making him laugh as well.

Taehyungs parents join arms before stepping in, Tae moving beside you to mimic their movement, making you blush lightly.

The waiter quickly checks your reservations and moves you to a relatively quiet room with a table by the window, just how you liked.

Once you had all sat and ordered your dishes, the room for conversations opened up.

“Your Hair is getting too long taehyung, why don’t you trim it” his father mentioned as he sipped his wine.

“Ah I know, i usually let y/n trim, but she’s been busy.” He teased, looking at you.

“Busy? With what? Certainly not a job” his mother mumbles as he takes her jacket off and sets it to the side.

“Mom...” he whispered, embarrassed for the way his Parents feel like they can talk about you as if you are their own child.

“Im just out and about, i have school and I’m with my boyfriend a lot” you spoke up

His moms head turned up as you talked, seeming suddenly interested.

“Boyfriend?” She laughed

“Mhm” you nodded

She turned to her husband and raised her eyebrows, both sharing a confused glance.

“What?” Taehyung asks, following their exchange

“Oh it’s nothing, we just...” she shrugged at her son, turning her attention back to you. “We had dinner with your parents a few days ago and we were discussing you both”

“Okay...” you half smiled, wondering what your own parents had said about you.

“And we just talked about like the pictures you guys post online...and we assumed, well, more like got the impression, that you two were together?” His mom admits.

You and taehyung both look blankly at them, silent staring before turning to eachother.

“It’s not a bad thing, your parents and us always said you would both end up together” his father laughed.

“Right, so Im suprised you are dating someone else” his mom inquired

“Starting the night off strong I see” you whispered to yourself, growing embarrassed at this conversation.

The older woman continued to ask questions. “Is it a serious relationship? Doesn’t he care you are living with another man?”

You took a sip of your water, clearing your throat. “Well...we’ve only been together for a little while, and yeah he does but not too muc-“

“It won’t last” his father cuts in casually, “young relationships like that come and go”

You didn’t know what else to do but nod and shove a piece of bread into your mouth.

His mother sighed and took a sip of her wine, “Ah your mother and father will be disappointed at the news” she laughed lightly.

“It’s not disappointing, you guys can’t just assume things” Tae added, stepping up for you as you drowned yourself in gluten.

“Well it is disappointing. We are getting older and you know, we don’t visit as much. I’m reaching the age where I’m ready to be a grandma” his mom adds, making you choke on your food.

“Are you ok?” His father asks, watching you chug your water more.

“Yup! So good! So ok!”

Taehyung seems embarrassed himself, you felt bad for him too. “Mom, y/n and I are just friends and we always have been, there is nothing like that in our future” he brushed off the pain in his chest as he defended you.

You looked at Tae for a moment before looking down and playing with your napkin.

“Sad” she responded, looking up as the waiter came over, delivering the food to each person.

“Thank you” you spoke, finally happy that your pasta had arrived. Tae laughed to himself, of course you’d get pasta at a French restaurant.

It remained quiet for the first few minutes while you all indulged in your meals.

Taehyung looked up from his plate, trying to find something to say.

“Hows everything for you guys? Everyone at home all good?” He asked softly, taking a sip of his Diet Coke.

His mother nodded, “everything is good, your father and I redid the kitchen, and we even cleared out the attic, turning it into a guest room”

“Oh that’s nice” he smiled.

“So you guys can come visit if you ever wanted to” his father added, making you smile.

“Yes that sounds fun” you replied “it’ll be hard to plan something with mr workaholic over here” you joke, nudging Tae.

“Speaking of that, how is work?” His father asks, taking a bite of his dish.

“It’s going well, I mostly work from home, but I’m doing extra hours next week so..” he nodded.

“Working from home? That must be nice, i dont see why you can’t take some college classes from home at least”

You sigh at the conversation once again taking another rude turn. You love the kims, but it’s impossible to talk to them.

“Actually, he is taking a college course” you smile, Turing to Tae to see a mortified expression.“What?” His mother perks up.

“He just did his first class today, it’s an art class, you know, painting and stuff” you smile sincerely. “Art....” his father snickers. You felt taehyungs leg kick against yours, obviously this wasn’t something he wanted to be said. You instantly regretted trying to make him look good the moment his mother commented.

“Ah taehyung you go through life thinking your doing good things but where will an art class get you huh? I worry about you so much...” she sighed and put her fork down.

“When will you take your life seriously? You are 23! I had a kid at your age and was married” She added on, taehyung now scraping his fork against a piece of meat as he avoided eye contact.

This is almost identical to the last time we had all met up, when Tae dropped the bomb of dropping out of college. You hoped this time would be better, but unfortunately, thanks to you, it is possibly even worse.

“It’s just for fun....” you mumble, turning your eyes to see Tae looking at his shoes, tears at the brim of his eyes while he has yet to speak.

“Thats the problem y/n, his whole life is fun, no work, no discipline. And I can’t say different for you.” His father spoke,

“I mean who goes to college and decides to do something as risky as theatre? Unless you plan on being an award winning actress it’s going to get you nowhere.” He sighed, “you two live in fantasy world”

“It’s time to grow up” his mother added, finishing her food.

You felt a hole in your stomach, it was guilt, pure guilt. You didn’t mean to ignite this, not here and not now, when we were supposed to be having fun.

Taehyung shook his head and laughed, taking your glass of wine and gulping it down in a few sips, his face scrunching up before standing and exiting outside. You watch as he goes, standing to grab the left behind jacket and phone. “You’re just going to leave?” His mother questioned, making you shrug. “This wasn’t how dinner was supposed to go, i apologize” you mumble, “we will meet up again before you guys head home, ok?” You add, chasing after taehyung.

You find him outside of the restaurant, sitting a few steps away on a staircase.

“Tae...”

You walk closer, standing in front of him.

“I thought you quit” you speak quietly, gesturing towards the cigarette in his mouth.

He doesn’t reply, rather simply glares at you before turning his head and exhailing the smoke. “Look Im sorry, I didn’t mean to expose anything, I feel awful” you reach to put your hand on his shoulder, he shudders and scooches away. “You have a way of making me look like a fool, y/n” he smiles, looking at the cars driving by.

You breathe, watching him articulate his thoughts. “You think I’m incapable of reading books you like” he began to list. “You think that my job is dumb, you think the art class is stupid.” He laughed to himself and shook his head. “You think I’m a complete loser and could never possibly understand what it takes to be smart or successful”

“Thats not fucking true taehyung, stop it” you mutter, feeling like you were slapped. “See, you are doing it right now. You feel like you need to tell me how to act, how to feel. You embarrass me and make me the fool” he began to wipe at his cheek, standing up and walking past you as he spoke.

“You and Kaito must have a blast making fun of how dumb I am” he smiled and exhaled more smoke, looking at you. “You are acting immature, it’s not funny” you spoke sternly. “Oh but it is funny, y/n, because I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about trying so hard to impress you, or being smart like you, or impressing my own parents” he stopped in his tracks as you glared at him.

“You focus on your little life, ok? Focus on college, focus on eventually graduating, focus on your friends, kaito, and hiding hickies because that’s what you do best apparently” he scoffed and put out his cigarette, grabbing the jacket from your hands and walking towards the direction of your apartment.

You are left in nothing but shock, once again, as he leaves you in a speechless position. You take back what you said earlier about you both returning to normalcy, because apparently you take one step forward and 20 fucking steps back with each day that passes. You couldn’t help but wipe the tears that fell from your eyes as you began to walk back to the apartment as well, taehyung now out of your vision completely.

Everything recently in your life has gone so down hill, and you can’t blame anyone else but yourself. Word of advice for anyone listening: don’t live with your best friend then decide to add benefits and grow super attached, break said situation while also pursuing a new relationship with someone else.

It will fuck you up.

A/N: whew.....

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @kthstrawberryshortcake-main

[willemdamonstercock]

my relationship with sex is so strange, sometimes I desire to be the penetrated other times the penetrator. often times i just wish I had a pussy, like it was flat down there. meanwhile new found complexes have developed as I think about my relationships with my father and step dad whoops…

needless to say, what I desire most out of sex or sexual acts is yes the connection with someone but more than anything foreplay and cuddles afterward. cumming is a wonderful bonus though, i do like being able to come, even if I have a weird as fuck relationship with my penis, sometimes i do want a blowjob! at least I can pretend like it’s just a clit in their mouth. getting it stroked is just as nice though.

I don’t feel alone in this, often isolated though, a partner is what I desire most out of a sexual relationship.

I lost my virginity when I was 20 (so really not too long ago). I had been in a problematic age gap relationship over discord with an older woman for some time at this point, we met when I was 19 and she was 34. we connected though pretty well, and I often think if we didn’t get into the relationship we would still be good friends. I had realized I was trans a few months before I lost my virginity and I wanted to have sexual experiences with people to make sure it wasn’t just a lack of sex in my life that was making me have these “dangerous trans thoughts.” so, naturally this woman and I opened up the relationship while we couldn’t be fucking ourselves.

so I matched with this girl on bumble, absolutely gorgeous. she came over to my place and we watched the Brandon cronenberg film “possessor.” crazy film to watch as a trans person the night you lose your virginity. it follows an assassin who possesses people to kill others, and naturally she gets trapped in a man’s body and has sex with a woman. after the film, we got to making out; then very vanilla sex. it was weird, feelings id never felt, I really didn’t know what i was doing and kind of let her take the lead on top. I was so nervous and wasn’t able to cum, she was so pretty! I wanted to be her. I honestly felt bad for my performance, and the fact too that I realized I really wasnt happy in my manipulative relationship. I was an emotional anchor for this woman who should have had a better grasp on life than me.

let’s just say this night really fucked me up and I broke up with my partner shortly after out of panic. I felt terrible for both parties involved, and I was left alone and confused about everything.

after this my (last) ex and I really got into a close friendship that involved us hooking up on and off. between us hooking up as friends and us getting into a relationship I was assault by a man, and I think that definitely has had an impact on how I feel about sex for sure. point being, I need a lot of attention after sex for it to be worth it for me… idk just though I’d leave some thoughts here because I’ve been trying to make sense of all of it, especially *as* a sexual person who wants to partake in kink and stuff.

[forlorn-crows]

Just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE Lady of the Lake and I've reread it so many times that I should be lowkey ashamed haha BUT

I'm also very curious about Nyneve's interactions with other ghouls like Delta or Dew. How did Dew find her?

You can absolutely take this as an opportunity to ramble about it if you want :)

okay so. i admit that technically the ghoul i call Water in my fic i guess is Delta? im terribly bad at tracking who's who in the water ghoul 'lore'. but Terzo called his bass player before Mist 'Water' so thats what i went with. so please call him whatever you'd like lmao.

for anyone who needs a refresher, this is sort of all i've established about Nyneve's past interactions w/ghouls or otherwise:

Uh, how long has it been? Since you’ve met a ghoul, I mean. Rain isn’t sure what to do with himself—what to do with his hands, his limbs, any of it. He dangles in front of her like a worm on a lure, and he supposes he is one, in a way. A slice of life outside the murky waters she inhabits. But he knows he’d be her catch of the day, not the other way around. 

Many years, Nyvene says wistfully. I can sense those who venture into the water at any depth, as well as those close to the shore. But the ones who seem most closely aligned to you have never traveled as far as yourself. They were surface dwellers. Rain gives her a confused look. Not all are drawn to the depths, and that is perfectly fine for a being such as myself. But I did begin to wonder who would come next.

Dew had been telling the truth, then. Who was before me?

His name was simply Water. He was quite robust in his search, perhaps a little impatient. But he was kind to me. So I cannot fault him too much. She seems wistful, reminiscent. Rain realizes he doesn’t know much about the water ghouls before him and Dewdrop, let alone any of the ghouls that came before their current pack. 

How many before him?

Many, she says simply.

Rain swallows, more bubbles escaping his gills. How, uh—how old are you, exactly?

Hm, age is a funny thing. That can’t be good. I have existed for a long time, longer than your congregation. 

So, we didn’t, um, create you?

No, my child. Though, the dark magick running more frequently through these lands has been . . . refreshing, to put it simply.

You’ve always been here? In this lake, I mean. 

Well, as long as I can remember, yes. She chuckles.

so, you'll notice, and as a gentle reminder, Dew and Mist did not interact with her. to me, they are not a deep-water alignment as Rain is. that's not to say Dew never meets her. because he does. but he didn't interact with her prior to Rain.

i think water ghouls, and ghouls/demons in general, have more specified alignments within the elements they are 'made' of/from. just water itself can be saltwater, freshwater, deep sea, rivers/streams, storms, ice, and things of the like.

so not all of them will have desired to go to the bottom of the lake (i think its pretty deep, think some of the deeper american great lakes depth despite its overall size). the elder ghouls may have passed down the knowledge about her, and some, like Water i think, dont. maybe theyre a little selfish about her, feel like theyve been 'chosen' and that everyone else should have to discover her too. with Water (again, Delta, w/e), it was turbulent with the new summonings, the changing of ghouls and even elements. there simply wasnt time to be like 'oh yeah also theres a big tentacle lady in the lake if you want to have a fun time' you know? not his fault.

so Nyneve's def had a relationship with many a ghoul, but it hasnt been linear. it hasnt all been water ghouls either, but i think the interaction of other elements has come and gone throughout time. i havent decided if any of the 'more recent' ghouls beyond the others mentioned have met her, or just know of her.

certainly there'd be urban legends passed around amongst humans that live in the surrounding areas, so they may have heard about something in passing. esp if any of those humans happened to become siblings of the church. but humans that do know of her have never truly known who she is, and mainly just call her varelse, creature. a monster.

the poem at the end you may have noticed uses her real name, Nyneve. so we can assume someone more personally familiar with her wrote it. scribbled it in some tome somewhere about local myths and legends, or historical drafts about the abbey itself.

she's very mysterious and not even i know everything about her, haha! dark magick gone rougue, some creature that crawled up from the depths, or something created by some long forgotten god.

all this to say, Rain had to introduce Dew to Nyneve. once he got over the fact that he'd have to tell everyone else about her, considering hed come home with sucker marks all over with no real logical explanation. i think Mountain is the first one he tells, but Dew is the first one he introduces.

i really appreciate that you enjoy LOTL so much; apologies for taking a little bit to answer this, but thanks for stopping by xx

if you havent already read about Nyneve and Rain, and this sparks your interest, you can do so here:

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[llondonfog]

lettie, im not sure if youve seen this artwork around twitter since its popular rn imo but regardless??? I GOTTA SHARE BECAUSE THIS IMAGE HAS BEEN **HAUNTING** ME (NO JOKE)

https://twitter.com/bunbunspoils/status /1678375905792786432?s=20

https://twitter.com/bunbunspoils/status /1678375905792786432?s=20

that twitter thread who also explained the symbolism around that art is just *chef kiss* AND ALSO PAIN....

as if SILVERS DISTRAUGHT EXPRESSION WASNT ENOUGH IMPACT-

The clock hand acting as like a guillotine to lilia who just couldnt careless if time will just inevitably kill him- SILVERS DESPERATE HOLD ON HIS WEAK FRAME PLS IM SO DEVASTATED ABOUT THAT‼️💔‼️💔🥲

malleus' finger stopping the clock hand but silver is hesitantly pushing it away AND PLS QUOTING THE THREAD??? "hes distraught his father is dying but understands that the clock needs to move"

IM CRYING BECAUSE WHEN HE ENCOUNTERED THE LILIA ON SEBEKS DREAM SILVER SAID SOMETING LIKE " If (staying in Briar Valley) was what you truly wished for, then I wouldnt mind spending the remaining days with you!" 🥲😭🥲😭😭😭

the composition!!!! THE CONCEPT???? the storytelling!!!!! JUSTA GRJAJDJQJD!!!! i wish i can word how much emotions this has been giving me but all the best i can do is just keysmashes !!!! !!!!!❤❤❤

LIAN I FEEL SO DUMB, YOU SOLVED SUCH A BASIC MYSTERY FOR ME 🥲

so i got sent that piece of fanart from several sources and of course it tore my heart out, BUT I NEVER PUT IT TOGETHER THAT IT WAS A CLOCK HAND WHICH SEEMS SO OBVIOUS NOW???? AND IT'S EVEN WORSE????

the tortured expression that the artist gave silver is EXQUISITE— the raw desperation of holding on to his father and yet at the same time, the selflessness of understanding that he cannot stop the inevitable? like can we just take a MINUTE to unpack this because i don't care how often we do, it never fails to render me utterly speechless with awe.

lilia is silver's only living family member that we know of at this point in time. he is the one who raised him, shaped him into the compassionate and loyal young man that he is, who wishes for nothing more than to carry out his father's desire for peace among fae and humans. we know that silver has already experienced one crisis of faith about their family of two when he was younger once he realized that lilia was not his father by blood, and overcame it with the understanding that regardless of their circumstances, lilia truly loves him as if he were his one and only son. silver has already proven as well that he has grown up so sheltered away from briar valley society, with only the zigvolts and malleus on the occasions that he could visit for company. lilia is his cornerstone— he is both the bread and the wine at the childhood altar where silver learned devotion through patience and unconditional love.

and yet, despite being rocked to his core and foundation shattered by lilia's announcement of his fast-approaching demise and departure, silver is the one to yield and let him go? silver, the one who has the most right of them all to rage and despair at lilia for how he sprung this news on them and how cruelly he carried out his departure, is once again, his father's greatest supporter? that he would go up against malleus, their prince, someone he has sworn to defend, in a hopeless battle that he must know he can never truly win in terms of magical ability alone, all to allow his wretched, selfish father the choice to leave their side as he so desires to lick his wounds in relative anonymity for the rest of his dimming days?

all lilia had ever known through his long, tragic life has been the human capacity for callousness; is it any wonder that he would be floored to realize his own son's boundless capacity for love?

[dailyoyo]

thabk yoi a lot dailyoyo your brains are very compelling to me it kind of makes me want to study you like ants . i quote you all the time like i tell my friends " i stole this sentiment / headcanon from a deranged yoyo tumblr account " . you are aspirational really Truly we need more dailyoyos in the world i cant stop thinking about lawyer yoyo now .... also i beg for more dissecting of yoyo and mew dynamics if ur Into That . theuve always been really interesting to me but honestly like 4 pieces of canonexist in jsr ever so

VERY DELIGHTFUL ASK TO GET. i love to hear that i have had a net impact in making people get weirder. its so important to me. making the jsr fandom worse one post at a time <3

a lot of the way i post in here is inspired by both my friends but also some of the crazy bitches (affectionate) ive seen around over in the dragon ball z fandom in particular, but really i think ANYONE in the world no matter the fandom has the god-given right to tear characters apart with their teeth and make them fail as fuck and really really really sick in the head in ways they were probably not intended to be read as in canon. Everypony out there get eviler!!!!!!!!!!!! Now.

IM GLAD YOU LIKE LAWYER YOYO I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT TOO. hes fascinating to me in that like hes technically not a Bad Ending (MOST of that au technically isnt!) and yet objectively he is a worse outcome because in regular(paradox) canon theres an avenue for yoyo to heal and become less bastardous. because like he has genuine friends and positive interactions and reasons to Want to be more than a self serving shithead. and also hes 16 of course hes an asshole hes 16.

but with lawyer yoyo its like. Its too late. He grew up and he stayed like that and he does not care to change and he has no impetus to change. hes definitely living a safer and more comfortable life and he has much higher self-esteem but he is Staying dead inside. Like ok regular yoyo and lawyer yoyo are both mentally at the bottom of basically the same exact well but lawyer yoyo was like "fuck it" and built a house down there. do you get me

Oh fuck this post is getting so long and i havent even talked about mew and yoyo yet.

okay so liek. beat was yoyo's first proper Friend in the ggs (as opposed to "just tolerating him being around"). because beat kind of totally fell for yoyo's whole harmless schtick lmao. but mew was the first Real Friend in that she picked up on how much of a fake fuck yoyo was and decided to hang out with him anyway.

which. ADMITTEDLY. this was originally BECAUSE she was fascinated by yoyo being so insincere (for a while he was also really playing up the "ohoho i'm TOOOTALLY not a double agent" thing for shits and giggles even though he literally wasnt.). and as previously mentioned yoyo had a crush on her which is why he didnt realize mew could see right through him. honestly for a while he kind of thought he had totally had her under his thumb but the whole time mew was like "Awww hehe he thinks im only hanging out with him because of his manipulations, thats so cute ^_^" (<- DERANGED)

and in a way while they were already friends their friendship didnt Truly start until after yoyo confessed his love and was rejected. because like the whole thing was kind of a wakeup call for yoyo - mew had noticed his feelings all along and was waiting for him to say something Just to reject him, and like among normal people that would probably be a lot more hurtful but in that circumstance it was like... she'd outplayed him. easily. and he didn't even notice, but she's still here anyway. and she still wants to hang out with him even though she can tell the kind of person he is.

because the thing is like. mew may play up her innocence and naivety but she IS genuinely kind at heart. a lot of her strange desire to examine nasty people under a microscope is because of her desire to see the humanity in everyone, to understand Why people do the things they do. and she's not under any illusions that she can """Fix Him""", god knows she's not sure she can even "fix" herself, but she saw yoyo for what he was and could respect the survival mechanisms at play for what they were. (this is also why mew was so immediately like "idk Yoyo doesn't seem like that kind of person..." when the nt-3000 thing happened because. like. she Understood his modus operandi and that simply Wasn't It.)

and like when youre the kind of person who thinks that as soon as someone sees under your mask that they'll want you dead in a ditch, knowing someone who recognizes your mask and is just like "oh cool, i got one too" is kind of world-shaking. paradoxically them recognizing each others' insincerity makes them be a lot more sincere with each other.

Oh fuck this post long as hell. yoy

[heat--end]

beat the scarlet/violet DLC! i havent done some of the bigger postgame stuff yet, but ive beaten the main story, which is really the important part

ill leave my longer thoughts under the read more to avoid spoilers

honestly, i really like how they handled this DLC. i think part of me likes kitakami as a place more, but this is also a really nice little spot. the terarium is a cool place, the pokemon in it are cool, etc.

what i REALLY liked was the story, as well. ive talked about this with a lot of other people, but SV's main theme seems to be getting yourself too lost in your own desires, so much so that you don't realize what happens, and this continues that. ambition is a great thing, but pushed too far, it can put others at risk. i think kieran's character is fantastic in this regard. it genuinely makes sense, and it's no surprise he ends up the way he does, and his desire to look up to the player becomes warped and corrupted because he wants to be better, he wants to achieve the dreams he's seeing the player reach, etc.

it's really interesting stuff. i really, REALLY like it, honestly, and i love how they handled briar in the way, too. briar literally gets so invested and excited about terastialization research that she's putting *three children* at risk. she actively realizes this and apologizes, and i like that they highlighted this. it's a neat theme, and i think the DLC tackles it really well

like the lore and extra stuff introduced is cool, but i feel like always, the character writing shines really well here. it's nice to see a bit of old kieran peek back out, him falling into old habits, but then we see him lose himself again as SOON as a sliver of a chance for him to be better than the MC arrives. for that, i'm a huge fan, i think they did a really good job there

also, big fan of BBQs. scratches that "i want to do PLA tasks forever" itch just enough to be satisfying

the one thing i wasn't a fan of was the battle difficulty, however. now, keep in mind, after asking my friends for some help i WAS able to adjust my team and have strategies to beat them and all that, but MAN, this is WAY too drastic of a leap in difficulty compared to base game, IMO. it'd be one thing if this was optional, but this is the main story.

now, keep in mind, i don't mind if they want to make pokemon games harder. i think it's a good thing. challenge and all that. but when base SV wasnt... ANYTHING like this, it is VERY jarring for them to like, legitimately start using competitive movesets and strategies and all that, without so much as a means to prepare you for it. i feel like there's gonna be a lot of people who just get hard walled by some of the battles, and idk how i really feel about it.

i AM glad this is here, but, i don't think it shouldve been the DEFAULT. some kind of toggle or even having these be post-game battles wouldve been great. but having it be the main difficulty scaling feels really bizarre in comparison to SV's base difficulty. hell, kitakami wasn't nearly as bad as this. it's a leap that is very, VERY drastic.

(and yeah, i did get fucked up bad early on, but keep in mind this is coming from someone who first tried kieran, who is the hardest battle in the DLC. so it's not like i was just playing poorly all the time)

also stellar as a tera type is kinda just whatever i feel. idk not really as interesting as it seemed to be. it's cool lore wise, but even then it's just like... eh, neat, i guess LOL

all in all, i really liked indigo disk. it wasn't the most mindblowing thing ever, and i feel like i MAYBE liked teal mask more, but honestly, it's not by a huge margin. it was pretty good, i had a good time. i'd say it won't win over anybody who already didnt like base SV, but it's worth if you like the base game because it improves on a lot. honestly, i think i like the DLC more than i do the base game, and i already liked SV, lmao