#you truly are never done finding urself. never done learning

[badcountryofficial]

Be honest does the "I don't need T because I have This Sweater" sound like copium

[prsk-krow]

i love your writing so much TT the way you writing n25 is so AGHHHHHH(in a good way) *wink wonk*

may i request niigo miku, luka & meiko with a reader who likes to be alone in the sekai. they don't talk or do anything but listen to music or just lay in the floor, silently.(thinking about their problems or just tired) sometimes the vocaloids didn't even notice reader came to sekai because how quiet she is. // hehe platonic ofc!!

nightcord arriving to empty!sekai and find sleeping reader in between the three vocaloids staring at reader : ??huh

JSKJDJD I HOPE YOU STAY HEALTHY! make sure to take care of urself^^

{Niigo Miku/MEIKO/Luka with a quiet, troubled reader that visits often!} [P]

Thnx for the compliments! I admit, I was completely stumped on the MEIKO part! I tried to do it multiple days, but I couldn't come up with anything good! Today though, that changed! I hope you like what I've cooked up! -^- Also, the last part is, um, sort of confusing? I decided to ignore it, but if you really want me to do it, please make sure to explain it a bit more next time!

Niigo Miku

Miku has already bonded pretty tightly with the other quiet members of the group, so she wouldn't mind your personality at all! Just as she could spend company in silence with others, she could spend it with you!

Her eyes do widen when she sees you nearby. The others always come to her when they enter the sekai, but since you never truly search for her she doesn't really know when you are or aren't in the sekai...

Sometimes, being alone is a good thing, but in other times one just desires to be alone because others may interrupt their thoughts or bring their own! However, Miku's presence is so silent, that one may as well be alone, just with another presence close.

And as much as you may enjoy just staring at the infinite gray void by yourself, you can't deny that her almost transparent presence makes everything better, especially in the small occasions when you do feel an urge to speak up.

"Ah, you're speaking. No, I was just not paying attention, I wasn't expecting you to say anything. I don't want you to remain silent if you don't wish for it though, I can listen."

As much as she has difficulty expressing herself, she feels much better spending time in silence with someone else, and as the other silent vocaloid doesn't enjoy company, she doesn't have many options. That's why she enjoys your visits quite a bit.

If you ask for it, she may even get close, let you rest against her, or maybe even brush your hair. Anything to help you feel more relaxed. As the days pass, you find yourself wanting her attention more and more, especially because she doesn't do much with it, and you can just relax in silence, but better!

You sometimes fall asleep in her lap, or while she's brushing your hair, and she doesn't know what to do for a bit. However, she does notice that sometime you go to the sekai because you're tired, and she simply lets you rest on her, like a big pillow...

And when you're done and about to leave, you always thank her for her presence! At first she doesn't think much of it, but when she thinks about your first few visits when you didn't desire anyone's presence nearby, she can't help but feel proud of herself! If only just a bit, but a nice feeling nonetheless.

Niigo MEIKO

It's quite interesting to see MEIKO try to interact with people, since she struggles to understand her true purpose in this Sekai yet. So as she watches and watches, what could go through in her mind?

She does notice whenever you find yourself alone in the sekai, and simply just stares, trying to analyze whatever you'd want in this space. Some alone time, and a cool down from some bad thoughts...

She makes sure to keep her distance, as always, though she can't help but feel curious to what you're thinking... After all, unlike the rest she can't really overhear you speaking with others and learn that way!

You find her presence odd. She wants to inspect you, but she stays so far away... She wants to know about you, but she doesn't come to speak... You don't mind at first, but it starts to get annoying, and you finally speak up.

"What? I know you've noticed me before. Now what, are you going to question me? Hm, I'm simply observing you to see what your reason for coming here is. You always seem troubled, yet you don't look for anyone's help, so now I don't know anything about you."

You offer a simple exchange, if she keeps the others away from you and makes sure you remain alone, you will speak towards her and tell her whatever. She seems to agree, but you can tell that she doesn't think it'll work. It goes against her belief of distance, but she sees no other way...

The others notice her change, no longer wandering around the sekai, but she doesn't care. It's the first time she's had a clear goal in mind, a clear path to follow and a clear reward to get at the end. She doesn't notice it herself, but she's finally starting to act with a stronger motive behind her actions...

You tell her about your troubles, and how you only need some time to yourself, and she understands quite well. She is familiar with the desire to deal with troubling thoughts with alone time, so she starts cooperating more openly instead of without too much care at the start.

It's interesting to see MEIKO change with such a simple request, but maybe this is all that she's been missing? It's hard to tell, but she shares a lot of troubles that you do, and she seems open to help you... So then maybe you should also respect the distance she puts between you two?

Niigo Luka

Another quiet person visiting the sekai? Sometimes, Luka wishes there were more people like her to brighten the place up! Although she does get a knack out of messing with those who don't speak up much...

She can't help but crack a smile every time she sees you alone, and she never wastes the opportunity to get close, especially since she does tend to like talking with people who visit just a tad more...

And she is very aware that you don't like company! But messing with you is just so entertaining, especially since her mere presence is already enough to make you react in such an enjoyable way! For her.

Her smile when she approaches does frustrate you a bit, being aware that she does this just to mess with you, but you can't deny that her company does sometimes help with clearing things off your mind.

"Hm? Aw, you didn't call me? I was aware, but I'm still here anyways. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, I see. Hm, then don't mind me making that this empty sekai isn't as silent as it is dull."

Luka tends to like idle chat with you, which she does to allow you to relax and listen instead of having to respond. She knows you tend to tune her out, but just being near you and interacting with you is enough for her.

Her voice remains calm and relaxing, and it's actually not bad for relaxing or thinking to yourself. In fact, you sometimes take the opportunity to just speak a bit about your problems, telling her to simply change the topic afterwards.

She does wish to help you with them, but she can tell that you don't want her involvement and instead simply listens when she needs to and helps you by filling your mind with casual topics that help you take you mind off the worse of thoughts!

All in all, even though she doesn't really respect your privacy, she does tend to make you enjoy whatever time you don't have to yourself! And even though you don't tell her that, she can tell that you don't mind her at all, for as annoying as she may be.

[butchviking]

dysphoria is a bastard. i hate it. coping tips?

ok first off. i am not coping

i mean theres all the usual. get strong, see your body as something useful to you and AS you, rather than something to look at. sometimes introspection helps, like ok WHY do i feel this way abt this part of my body and is there anything i can do to counteract that. but tbh sometimes u just hit a wall w that like. ok well i figured out WHY i feel like shit. doesnt do much 2 change it tho. idk everyone is different and everyone’s dysphoria is different and these are things ppl always say have helped them. but i will b totally honest they’ve never done more than placate mine for a short while until it rears its head from some other corner i wasn’t looking at.

the most helpful advice i ever heard is about letting dysphoria come & go. let it pulse in & pulse out. don't do that thing where you let it build up inside you bc its familiar or bc u want to dwell or bc u have smthn to prove or whatever. which i truly think is the best advice for any mental illness nd is the absolute best way i’ve learned 2 cope w my other issues too. life has ups & downs illness has ups & downs and sometimes u gotta just roll w that u cant fight it. some times will suck and other times will not suck so bad and maybe sometimes u even forget its there at all for a little moment! it’s nice to think ‘i know we can get well’ its nice to think someday u will magically overcome all ur issues but for myself at least i think it’s healthier to acknowledge that. some things dont just go away some things are with you for a long long time or even for your entire life. and there’s not much u can do about that except find a way to live with it.

i think personally i took a hard turn a few years go from being trans & embracing the dysphoria & letting it get so big & ugly bc i’d tied my identity into it, to like. finding gendercrit theory, questioning the reasons for my dysphoria, doing some work to alleviate it somewhat, feeling a bit better for a while and thinking oh! looks like i fixed it! i don’t even feel that bad anymore! self-undiagnosing im fine now!! :) which is. one of the dumbest things i couldve done bc then when it DID start 2 rear its head again i was just pushing it down nd being like ‘no we dont indulge that anymore :) im fine im normal now :)’ as though u can just make a mental illness go away if u try real hard and believe in urself. so u gotta not let it build up inside u into a big ugly thing, not indulge it & become friends w it but also acknowledge when it is there and don’t think u can just magic it away. let it ebb & flow let it pulse thru you and then let it go.

[kuroosweakness]

Even more facts about 🐾 anon:

- Idk why but positive words hurt me the most, like when someone says I’m their favorite person in the world only to not mean what they said actually makes me cry a little, but what makes me the most sad is knowing when someone is there for me that I can tell everything in the world too. Just them hugging me makes me feel that.

- I got into anime bc one of my past fav youtubers was into it and so I watched it. I basically started w the YouTube starter pack but actually started w magical girl animes (like Tokyo mew mew (the one she watched) and glitter force) then I drifted to miss kobayashi’s dragon maid to shonen animes

- No thoughts, head empty

- My music taste is probably the average anime tiktoker, like I listen to everything but reverbed and slowed Or in Lo-fi like, Lemon Boy and Me and My Husband but my favorite song to listen to in reverb is Daisy

- I kin music, like it might be weird idc but I do like the beats that are happy but also unsettling? I kin those. Like Not Allowed by tv girl? The part that goes “ALL BY YOURSELF, SITTING ALONE. I HOPE WE’RE STILL FRIENDS YEAH I HOPE YOU DONT MIND” and just loops is the best part to me. “Kaiwa ga tsuzukanai na? Naze da dou shite da? Aho ka?” From to prob the rest of the song of Pretty cvnt by sewerslvt idk I haven’t listened to the full song lmao but the actual meaning of the lyrics don’t matter tho so just know I probably don’t rlly care to look up w that means so it doesn’t ruin it for me ;-;

- I’m a extrovert (:OOO OMG THOSE EXIST) yeah I exist 😩 it’s real easy for me to walk up to someone and start talking since I’m really open about myself and don’t bother to hide things... (except the stuff like y’know... reading fanfics cuz no sane person is gonna go to a random person like “I LIKE READING FANFICTION!” Like I’d probably scared of u now if I was a normie.

- I don’t like being told I’m wrong if I know for a fact I’m right. Like if I say the sky is green and you say the sky is blue I’ll be perfectly fine with that but if you question my intelligence in levels other than that like for a fact from an anime I really like and call me out for being dumb bc I said one thing wrong for example I say “kuroos fav food is grilled salted-mackerel pike” or “itadori’s type are girls like jennifer Lawrence and I find that funny” and you say “no thats stupid” I’m going to call you and scream at you or fight you on sight next time I see you there are no other options. Jk I’ll only threaten you w those and never do it bc I prob love u too much and just give you facts from a easy google search

- Bruh people need to love themselves more like how will you ever love other people if you don’t know how to love yourself? You should always love yourself first before learning to love others because why would you wanna spend your life hating yourself? You’re gonna be with yourself for the rest of your life, even when you’re dead when you really think about it.

- My sleep schedule is chaotic

- I view myself as a good person, but on a chart of chaotic good to lawful evil, I’m probably the most neutral person you’ll ever meet. And I’m genuinely like that. I abide by my own laws. The government doesn’t tell me what’s wrong but neither am I truly against it. I don’t do things like steal but I’ll run in the halls to get to where I need to go or be on my phone during class (most likely with permission because I’m always reading on my phone) that’s why I’m my hero academia and shows the have good and evil bro wtf? Imma be in the middle. I truly think myself as someone you can trust to keep a secret and help when needed but I won’t spy for you on the other group and rat you out. First person that asks I’ll prob help if it’s not hurting someone (most likely bc I’m prob naive and the way you word something like let’s say you asked me to go to a bank to make a deposit or something and now all a sudden come out with money bags like HUHHHHHHHHH? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING A DEPOSIT NOT MAKING AN ILLEGAL WITHDRAWERY WITH ALL THEIR MONEYYYY? (Like my friends and I literally joke about this.) Now all a sudden I’m a getaway driver cause god knows I can’t trust the police with my life😩😩 tfw someone makes you rob a back w/o you knowing✊😔)

- Ayo idc what you do with your life I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, like people trying to peer pressure me into idk let’s say smoking, LIKE BRO I HAVE ASTHMA, IDC HOW GOOD IT MAKE YOU FEEL, ILL LITERALLY DIE IF I DO THAT WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TRICK ME INTO IT

- I’ve tasted alcohol (REALLY IT WAS ON ACCIDENT I WAS AT CHURCH AND ACCIDENTALLY CHOSE THE WINE INSTEAD OF GRAPE JUICE) before and I will now say I’ll never drink it because that’s the nastiest drink I’ve ever drunken in life

- One of my favorite songs are Love Taste by Moe Shop

- My favorite Pokémon game is prob ultra sun and moon

- don’t ask why I decided to watch every Pokémon movie and play every Pokémon game from X and Y and up (I found a friend that has platinum and am playing it but it’s also the first time ive really lost a Pokémon battle and idk that just started something like how dare you win over ME? THE MAIN CHARACTER? YOU NPC, I HAVE THE AUDACITY TO E N D YOU RIGHT NOW)

- first things first, u seem such like a fun person to be around! 

- i get that, kind words definitely hits :’ you’re very lucky to have people like that in your life, and that person is very very lucky to have you in their life! 

- ohhh okay okay i’m assuming you fell into the anime hole too :D 

- me too, me too. no thoughts, just staying in bed with suna by ur side 

- ur music taste!! ✨

- i’m listening to “not allowed” right now and now i feel like skateboarding...you’re right, it’s very happy but also unsettling :) 

- an extrovert, okay okayy while i don’t understand extroverts, i’m very thankful for extroverts’ existence :)) 

omg i remember people talking about how they “used” to read fanfiction and i was sitting there like 👀 yeah i still do ...and now not only do i read, but also write- 

- ahhhh being told ur wrong when u know ur right is such an awkward place to be 😭i’m glad u stand up for urself though! usually, i just nod like okay, ig 

- i- it’s a lot harder said than done to love ourselves :’) especially when there are so many reasons we believe not to. but self love is the MOST IMPORTANT LOVE! 

- not to sound like a parent lmao but try to maintain a good sleeping schedule! it’ll benefit u in many many factors, especially in the future! <3 

- okay okayy u seem like a really interesting person,  i was very amused while reading that paragraph  :))

- i- yes, health > everything else 

- make sure to choose grape juice next time :’) !! 

- i’m listening to it right now hehe 

- pokemon!!! my childhood was full of pokemon ahhh 

- u definitely know a lot more about pokemon than i do, okay okay, the main character always wins ;) 

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Idk if you've done this before and I've got nothing creative so please could I get some Headcanons for The Bucci Gang if their S/o suddenly disappeared out of thin air. Not bc of a stand or anything, she just disappeared and didn't even say goodbye? What if like years later, they come across their S/o again and if they talk, she seems as though she's never met them before? But she actually has no idea who they are. Weird ik but yeah.

My 🅱️ruh u better give urself more credit bc this is one of the most original ones I’ve gotten so far-

Bruno:

- Once he learns about s/o’s disappearance, he’ll be in constant denial for a few days because he simply cannot (and doesn’t want to) grasp the concept of his partner leaving his side like that out of nowhere. He always tries staying as logical as possible even during stressful situations, therefore he’ll try not to worry too much in the beginning, continuously telling himself that s/o has to pop up soon enough.

- Alas that doesn’t happen and after a week the man is in a damn frenzy. Bruno would start being uncharacteristically stressed as well as slightly more snappy, and the gang would undoubtedly notice it too. The man would then begin to eratically search for his partner left and right, sending his subordinates to investigate the entire city, but all to no avail of course.

- Weeks would turn into months, then months would become years and s/o would still be nowhere to be found. Each second of her not being by his side would absolutely crush Bruno’s poor heart, making the man become significantly more closed off and distant. So just imagine the pure shock that would take over his features once s/o would just pop in out of nowhere one day. The pain would only get worse once he’d realize that for some reason she has no idea who he is. Honestly this would entirely fuck him up and he’ll spend (even more) nights fully awake, thinking about what went wrong and desperately trying to find a reason as to why his s/o decided to leave him one day just like that. To be honest, it would have been better for him if she never showed up again at all.

Giorno:

- Similar to Bruno, as in he doesn’t outright panic and tries going over things logically. He thinks of all sorts of scenarios and reasons as to why his s/o would just disappear out of thin air without even leaving him a message or something before going away. It’s extremely uncharacteristic of her he has to admit, but he still tries to keep a (somehow) optimistic attitude. She HAS to show up sooner or later....right?

- But of course that it doesn’t happen and so he takes it upon himself to go and search for her. At first Gio would think that it was the work of an enemy stand or perhaps the mafia again, but turns out that it wasn’t the case at all. No matter where he went to or who he asked, he just couldn’t find a single trace about s/o’s whereabouts. That’s when he’d start panicking for real and would slowly become more and more sleepless and grief filled. He just doesn’t get why s/o would ever do such a cruel and unexplainable thing.

- Gio would be utterly shocked to randomly spot her one day after so many years, so he’d waste no time and approach her with a hopeful smile. That’s when his heart would get shattered once more, for s/o would be looking at him with the emptiest and most coldest look that he’d ever seen. Gio would ask her dozens of questions, but to no avail. She’d keep claiming that she has no idea who he is and that’s when he’d realize that he truly is hopeless. He’ll bitterly accept the fact that he’ll never get his partner back, but the memories of his past are going to haunt him forever. At this point, it’s almost as if it would have been better if s/o was actually dead. Then again, she is dead to him for sure.

Abbacchio:

- Probably the one who would react in the worst way. Like prepare for maximum fucking angst, because this is one of the quickest ways to COMPLETELY fuck this already damaged man over. It’s already hard enough for him to let people in, so just imagine how hurt and betrayed he’d feel once he’d realize that his s/o suddenly vanished from his life without a trace.

- That’s when Abba would swear to never open up to anyone, and this time he’d REALLY mean it. He already lost someone in the past, so this would be like reliving trauma all over again for him. At this point he won’t even search for her, the man would just completely shut off from everything and everyone and dwell in grief and repressed anger. He feels utterly betrayed and keeps beating himself up for being so foolish as to open up to someone else again. Despite the fact that the rest of the gang would be there for him and trying to get him to loosen up, all of their attempts are sadly going to be in vain.

- So when s/o DOES eventually show up after long and painful years, Abba is going to straight up ignore her. Yes, you heard that right. He wouldn’t even want to look her in the eyes, that’s how spiteful and hurt he still is, even after literal years. And it’s probably for the best anyway, because if he were to find out that she also completely forgot about him, that would have been the last straw honestly. Even to this day, Abbacchio keeps telling himself that things would have been far more bearable if s/o didn’t return at all.

Mista:

- Instant fucking panic. He already worries enough whenever s/o comes home later than usual and all of that, so just imagine the sheer anxiety that would take over the poor man when his partner would be nowhere to be found an entire fucking day. And it would only get worse as more days would go on. At some point he’ll even start crying over and over again and no matter what the rest of his gang would try, it wouldn’t help soothe his nerves at all.

- Mista is going to beg his gang to help him find his s/o and the man will literally lose sleep since he’d be unable to stop his racing thoughts at all times. His mind would keep coming up with countless of complicated and highkey tragic scenarios about his s/o dying or getting kidnapped. I mean, that would be the only logical explanation for her sudden disappearance, right? Why else would she just leave him randomly like that? 

- Once s/o shows up again after literal years, he’s going to burst into tears and immediately run up to hug her only to notice that she’s acting extremely off. This wasn’t the s/o that he knew years ago. What in the world happened? The man would bombard s/o with questions, and when she’d reply that she has no idea who he is Mista is going to have a goddamn aneurysm. That’s when he’d throw tantrum and accuse her of being a liar, starting to rant about how hard the past years have been for him and how hurt he was by her sudden departure, only to be met with another empty look from his now ex partner. Once again, maybe it would have been better if she didn’t return at all.

Fugo:

- Reacts almost as bad as Abbacchio tbh. Fugo doesn’t easily trust, but when he does he TRUSTS so he’d feel twice as betrayed by his partner suddenly leaving him. He’d immediately go into panic mode after a few days so he’ll start desperately seeking answers left and right. Poor man would have EVEN more anger outbursts than usual since he’d be stressed out of his damn mind.

- He would start isolating himself and thinking over this entire situation inside the cold emptiness of his room. Literally everything would start reminding him of his s/o and, although he hates showing emotions, the man would start crying himself to sleep night after night thinking about how lovely it felt to wrap his arms around his partner’s body as he contently drifted off to sleep. But not anymore. All of that was cruelly ripped away from him one day, and something keeps telling him that he’ll never experience it ever again.

- Alas his instinct was right, because the day s/o returns Fugo’s heart is only going to get crushed more. The man would instantly lighten up and would almost cry out of happiness once he’d see her again, starting to run up to her only to stop dead in his tracks when he notices the look on her face. His confusion and anger would only grow as s/o would keep telling him that she has no fucking idea who he is. At this point it would be too much and Fugo would just say fuck it and throw a few nasty curses at her before storming off, tears of disappointment and repressed anger running down his cheeks. Yes, it truly would have been better if she never ever showed up again.

Narancia:

- Immediately freaks out after one mere day passes. He starts looking for her left and right, asking anyone if they seen her or if they know anything about her whereabouts. Hell, he’ll even beg Bruno to help him search for her with the most desperate expression ever plastered on his pained face. In the beginning he would try being as optimistic as possible, constantly reassuring himself that it will all solve itself and that s/o will return at some point.

- But that sadly doesn’t happen, and so poor Narancia would slowly seep into despair more and more with each passing day. Every second in which s/o wasn’t by his side was pure torture for him, and at some point he even started to lose good amounts of sleep because of it. Narancia is not one to be negative usually, but this would cause even him to become pessimistic and even hopeless at some point. He’d be constantly locking himself up in his room, most likely crying as he remembers all the wonderful memories that he made with s/o. If he wasn’t curled up in a corner in his room, he was entirely ignoring everything around him and constantly spacing out in his own dooming thoughts.

- Now, the second he sees s/o again he’s running towards her at the speed of light whilst exclaiming that he knew that she’d come back at some point. But this ain’t no fairytale, so Narancia’s dreams would get crushed once again when he hears s/o confess that she doesn’t know him at all. He’ll take it as a joke at first and try to humor her, only to realize that she was dead serious the entirety of time. That’s when the panic would settle in again and he’d desperately try to make her remember him by showing her pictures or telling her things that only she knew about him, but to no avail. Narancia would start wailing again and he’d dread the day that he met her. Sadly, it would have certainly been better if she didn’t return at all. 

Bonus - Trish:

- Absolutely fucking heartbroken, She had dedicated herself entirely to s/o only to discover that she one day disappeared from her life without a single explanation. Although Trish isn’t usually pessimistic, she’d start beating herself up for s/o’s disappearence since she’d start believing that she somehow did something to upset s/o THAT much that she felt the need to just...leave.

- Similarly to Narancia, Trish would soon enough lose the last bit of hope that she had left and would slowly start shutting off more and more. Her appetite is going to decrease and she’ll start having little to no motivation to do pretty much anything. Bruno would constantly be taking care of her and bringing her food, and his heart would break whenever Trish would weakly refuse it all. Literally no one would be able to cheer her up since she’d be literally fucking depressed.

- The day s/o returns though is going to be an even bigger blow to her already shattered heart. She would be unbelievably happy to see s/o again, and so she’ll start asking her dozens of questions only to be cut off by a cold “and who are you?”. Of course that this would absolutely shock Trish and she’ll be confused as all fuck by s/o’s weird ass behavior, but Trish being Trish, she wouldn’t give up at all and would stubbornly press s/o for answers which would only result in her getting more and more angry when she gets no answers. She cannot comprehend why s/o forgot about her, and honestly it would have been better if she never returned altogether.

[gg-astrology]

Cancer sun virgo moon makes someone veeery sarcastic? Or to keep things locked up and as a defensive mechanism use humor? I have a friend that likes dark humor soooo much, i never know when hes being serious or funny

[Below Cut: Cancer Sun - Virgo Moon 🍏]

These people are often more sensitive, a lot more discerning than they appear. Virgo as an earth sign helps with Cancer’s 'awareness’. They can overcome anything just by combining this along with their sensitivity: mark up an intuition/hunch and executive a quick plan of action. Quick thinking/on their feet, also a great sense of ‘danger/threat-perception’ (to approach or not approach -- common sense/Virgo). 

Most likely, these people are much more aware of the wrong-doings in the world and social no-nos (antagonism/terrible conditions)-- they find themselves ‘catching’ onto these things

Thus it’s important to know (for these people) that they are sensitive people. That’s the whole point, you’re logical (truly, with Cancer/Virgo) and you may think you are tougher than you think you are/look. But you are sensitive, and that’s the core of the ‘self’ (what will help you with improving/developing once you accept this about urself).

You’re only consciously aware of the fact that you have a ‘natural affinity’ towards grim things, think of it as fascination or just something you can use to build yourself/social identity on. But once you come back into yourself, you’ll realize it’s also you trying to ‘desensitize’ yourself (self-protection/fascination). Because you do ‘catch’ onto them and become ‘fixed’ on them. 

Only through self-awareness/acceptance of your own intuitive nature, your receptivity and delicacy can you work past your own barriers. See yourself and help yourself for who you are.

I think it comes back down to that right? Cancer/Virgo are rather dense to their own ‘softer’ nature. Their own intuition that’s outside just ‘perceptive/sharp to others’. When it comes to themselves, they’re largely unaware of how receptive/absorbing they are to the environment. And how that could affect them which is why they can be ‘too’ focused on something without a way of controlling/helping themselves sometimes.

With Cancer/Virgo combo -- you do want to learn how to help yourself. You want control, so you can discern the ‘good’ from the ‘bad’ and ‘fix’ some of your habits/personality sometimes.

If you just take this ‘grim nature’ thing as part of your core nature, you’ll feel personal every time it’s ‘attacked’. I’m saying to look at it differently, look at a different perspective. That maybe that isn’t ‘all you’ but rather a product of your sensitivity. If you can figure out that--- your mechanics is the ‘sensitive’ part, then you’ll have an easier time adjusting the ‘product’ of what becomes out of it. How to grow/learn/self-develop as well.

It’ll take some time to get here-- because God knows Cancer/Virgo won’t like self-introspection when it comes to figuring out the sensitive/delicate parts of their nature. With Cancer’s hard shell, forward-moving nature ( ‘it doesn’t matter it won’t help me/survivalist’) and Virgo’s obtuse/dense nature ( ‘just as long as it doesn’t cause me to feel weak/vulnerable or anxious’ ) -- they can just shake their metaphorical head and that’s self-denial for them.

Once you do realize you are sensitive tho, you start to get where all the sarcasm/dark humour is coming from (parts of it) --- it’s you becoming adept at ‘learning’ about your own flaws/what you need to ‘overcome’ in life, fusing in/mixing the ‘product of sensitivity’ in order to ‘cope’ with the constant antagonism and environment receptiveness you have (again: super sensitivity makes you do that, cause y know, you feel it threatening you thus you work out a plan to ‘get better’ or overcome it-- Cancer/Virgo doesn’t like not having a plan of action/atleast an idea of what to do in mind)

That’s enough chewing them out?? Let’s talk about some other things too

Cancer/Virgo has a lot of inner-strength about them--- too much sometimes-- that they tend to sacrifice/give too much to their environment ( ‘what needs to be done’) or others and lacks the kind of compassion back at themselves.

These people are always ready to listen, or be there for someone despite their hard-ships and personal challenges stacking up on them at the time. They’ll leave room to listen, give advice and be there for you if you need it. Because they understand that no challenge/difficulties is less/more than each other ( ‘just because someone is going through a tough time, doesn’t devalue your own challenges/situation’ )

Compassionate to a fault, to the point where sometimes it’s harder to talk openly about their problems than it is to listen to others. 

These people feel wonky/uneasy when others are open to them/being givers (instead of receivers as Cancer/Virgos tends to be when it comes to-- y know, emotional venting/talks) and ask them to ‘unload’ their problems/depth  (expectations of intensity, doesn’t like the idea of ‘unloading’ -- feels guilty or queasy, always a little introspective/insecure). 

They’d rather be a giver, and is truly uncomfortable when they receive something back. Even if it’s due or ‘equal’ for the relationship to have it, they’re very traditional/stagnant in ‘roles’ they play (provider for others, not others providing for them) even when it’s receiving the same kind of kindness back (again; the thing about awareness of antagonism because a product of their sensitivity. So realizing that they’re sensitive is even more important to learning how to accept things graciously and knowing balance the healthy way) 

Cancer/Virgo also makes for someone who’s pretty frugal, like that’s a  thing. They tend to be more giving with others, when others need it/presents. When they can afford to buy things for others, they can and will -- more than their personal self/needs/self-care stuff. 

Cancer/Virgo can often know when to ‘hit’ and when to ‘leave it be’ -- they’re receptive-- almost intuitive to the environment/situation/context that they’re in. If they really think it’s inappropriate (nothing constructive can be said about it) they won’t say anything (but they will have Opinions on it)

Most of the time they use their sharp wit to make constructive criticism, disguised as a light-hearted comment (adaptability/changeability of Virgo). 

But you will Know that there’s a weight behind it. They’re level-headed, despite how flighty/”mysterious” they appear. They won’t let things get away unless they deem the situation ‘too dangerous/out of hands’ to fix

Cancer/Virgo makes for someone who’s wise, when they actually sit down and give an opinion on something. You can see that there’s an air of distance about them, like they’re living in a time past their age/history-- these people mature faster in their youth, often too observant and discreet-- they may feel like they connected things faster than their peers when they’re young. And thus when they grow up, they ‘catch up’ to their insightfulness and learns how to ‘blend’ it in with light-hearted conversations sometimes

It’s not really a defensive mechanism, it’s just their self-development and how they learned how to cope with themselves. It’s a ‘mechanism’? kinda? but it’s not meant to keep others out. It’s self-focused/self-centered. More to do with ‘fitting in’ than ‘keeping people out’

They don’t mean to be mysterious, they just realize that some truths..some things are better at an appropriate time/context to say out loud than most. This is them learning how to ‘let go/relax’ as they grow older, by learning how to mix-n-match the sharpened mind/heaviness in their youth (consciousness) with light-heartedness. It’s less about you personally, and more about them.

If we’re talking about defense mechanism tho, it’s the air of nonchalance about them sometimes. It’s something they’ll have to figure out, because while what they’re saying may be heavy and they don’t want the other person to stress (v observant/sensitive to their environment) they have a habit of adding two dichotomy together and hoping the effect will ‘even out’

It doesn’t--- it doesn’t make the ‘truth’ lost just bc you slap a smiley sticker over it. It just makes others even more concerned, confused and thinking you’re enigmatic/stay away from you sometimes.

Try to be pro-active in letting others in a lil bit more, to be open with yourself. Your own needs/wants and find balance. Learn things from Libra-- honestly, in how to accept and receive in equal values.  And also learn how things don’t have to be so hard/bad all the time, change one tiny clog in your system-- and it’ll do wonders to help you

Kinda a mess but I hope this is helpful? 💕💕💕 I hope your friend gets to read it, or like someone understands what i mean by this skdnfksnk 

[aesthetic-survivor-of-twd]

I'm suuuuuuper shy and quiet like ı dont talk in class like at all ı think its because im reallly insecure i dont like my body my face my everything how would u describe ursellf outgoing? Shy? Do u find urself beautiful (Im asking because u literaly make me feel better than my psychologist with ur answers with these kind of questions)

It's 5am and I just woke up 5mins ago so I deeply apologise if my grammar/spelling is weird in advance.____There is nothing wrong with being shy or quiet. Some people are just naturally that introverted and "to themselves" and some people only feel comfortable being outgoing in certain situations. It's totally normal. It's possible that it might be partially due to you feeling insecure, but I wouldn't view this aspect of yourself as something negative.For what it's worth I can actually relate heavily to your feelings.In High School I was literally the "weird quiet girl that sits at the back of the class alone drawing in the back of her notebook". People used to make me feel uncomfortable a lot of the time and due to being harassed for my quiet nature and naturally suffering social anxiety, I used to have a VERY low case of self esteem.I would always analyse every single thing I did and was hyper aware of how I came across to other people. I used to see myself as very unattractive and it was bad to a point where I didn't like people looking at me. I really didn't like myself.But as I left school and gotten older I began to feel myself changing.It seems like part of my issue was the fact I was surrounded in a toxic environment and felt trapped to not being able tp fully express myself as I didn't feel comfortable around those people around me. I used to view myself from the perception of the judgemental kids in my school and adopted their view of me as my own and my anxiety then magnified it all in my head - making me see myself as harshly as I did as a result.I don't know if this is the same case for you, but this is my experience at least.I think it's normal to have these feelings of doubting yourself at some point in life. But quite often these negative feelings can change once you get rid of the source of it all.For me, I just needed to leave school and be surrounded by people more like me. To grow someplace that didn't already have a set perspective of me that I could shape as my own.When I began actually experiencing "the real world" I started viewing myself as more to how I truly am, and began to gradually act like that person outwardly as well.I'm still discovering myself, but I would say that currently I'm a friendly and outgoing yet introverted person, who is a total weirdo who has learned to embrace my oddities and turn it from something that I once viewed as bad into something I like about myself.Regarding my appearance, I wouldn't say I was particularly beautiful by any means. But I don't see myself as ugly either. I think I'm pretty average.I think my perspective regarding my appearance took a longer process to accept but it literally just vanished when I learned to just stop giving a fuck and was like "you know what - fuck it". Beauty is highly subjective and as I wrote in an older post to someone regarding on how to improve your confidence with your appearance - not everyone views us how we view ourselves.We spend everyday seeing our stupid faces in the mirror and we know every little imperfection about us because we actively look for them each day.But other people don't analyse people to the extent that we analyse ourselves and most of these worries we have are almost never noticed by others.Everyone has imperfections, that's just a fact. If you picked apart every person you saw in the street with the way you do for yourself, you would notice that everyone is flawed.I don't know how old you are, but we all go through these scenarios in life. It's natural.But I promise you that as the years go on you will start to come out of your shell (if that's what you want) and will grow more confident when you are provided that space to actually grow as a person.I've been in your position and I know it's unbearable and that my words are easier said than done.But it will get better for you. And you will see yourself for the beautiful person you truly are.I'm rooting for you~

[hyunwoo-archive]

gif tutorial !!!

hello !!!! it’s me, ur resident shownu stan w a gif tutorial !!! no one really Asked but i wanted 2 make it and also it turns out ppl Are interested in one so :D !!! here i am !!!! so under the cut will b the tutorial nd it’s really picture heavy because i’ll be covering a lot,,,,

we’ll be looking at: 

downloading the video :0 !!

trimming the video to get the clip you want

actually making the gif

some coloring advice :D !!! (i lov coloring Truly!!!!)

and some exporting advice too :D

and this is what i’m using:

ps cc 17

vlc

and i use a mac :D

part one. getting the clip !!

(also a quick note !! this isn’t my process for speed giffing or performance giffing as thats,,, thats an entirely Different adventure that makes me scream)

so !!! i will be giffing the dramarama music video and what you want to do is download it first :D so go to vlive, copy the url of the music video and i use two sites to download from vlive just because one of them can get a little buggy ?? but i use soshistagram and savieo !!! savieo is usually what i prefer to use but either is fine :D 

once you downloaded the video, open it in vlc and go to the part you want to gif. i recommend pausing a few seconds before the actual scene because it’s always better to get a little more than you intended than a little less. currently, my screen looks like this:

and what you wanna do Next is go to playback > record and record the scene you want! when your scene is done playing, just go back to playback and click record again to make it stop.

for me, all my clips end up in my “movie” folder so it’s best to check where your clips go :D i think ?? you can change their destination but i never really played around with that so i’m not sure D: 

part two. making the gif !!!

open up photoshop, then go to file > import > video frames to layers. select your clip and this window should pop up:

simply adjust the arrows until you get the scene you want and then press OK. a few notes about this part:

some people choose to select “limit to every 2 frames”. i personally don’t do this just because to me, it makes the gif look choppy, but use your intuition and go for whatever you think will suit the gif :D 

i Would recommend not using ‘limit to every 2 frames’ if your clip is really short, as you want every frame possible

make sure ‘make frame animation’ is selected

and also the rule of having a little more than you want is important here too! the arrows aren’t very accurate so it’s better to get frames from scenes you don’t want that you can simply delete later

once you’ve hit ‘ok’, photoshop will then process the clip and give you this :D

(if you don’t have the timeline, just go to window > timeline. it’s near the bottom :D!!!)

also a quick moment!!! everything in the timeline tab will be called a frame and everything in the layers tab will be called layers :D

moving on! mister kihyun is not part of the scene i want, so i select the frames (not the layers!!!) that i don’t want and hit the trash can button at the bottom. goodbye mister yoo leaving me with this:

aren’t they just,,,, Beautiful :’( ...... anyways !! now we want to Crop !!!! tumblr has certain width sizes that i recommend you use for Ultra Crispness, and you can see a guide of what to use here !!

because the clip i’m giffing is so short (only 23 frames), i can crop it to 540px by 250px without worrying about file size. simply click crop in the toolbar so you get this setup here

where it says 268px by 305px, just change it to whatever your dimensions are! also, make sure ‘delete cropped pixels’ is deselected. then, go ahead and select what you want to be cropped and then press enter :D my screen at this point looks like this

press enter and then :D!! all cropped!!

now we’re going to sharpen! in the timeline tab, there’s a button made up on three lines. i circled it here :D

click that and select “convert video to timeline” so you get this

select all your layers and then convert to smart object! (you can either do this by rightclicking on all the highlighted layers and selecting ‘convert to smart object’ or by going to filters > convert for smart filters 

now your gif is ready to be sharpened! i use actions to sharpen my gif and you can find a few of my favorites on this blog !! download a couple and play around with it :D once your gif has been sharpened, select all the layers again and convert it into a smart object again. then click the 3 lined button and click convert frames > flatten frames into clips. then convert back into frame animation (either by clicking the three lined button again and going convert frames > convert to frame animation or by clicking the three squares in the timeline)

you should now be back to where you started :D only this time you have one frame D: but don’t worry! what you want to do next is click the three lined button again and select make frames from layers. delete the first frame in the timeline because it’s just the smart object layer and we don’t need it. you should now have this

and we can officially move onto the best part :D coloring !!!

part three. coloring!!!!!!!!!!

let me preface this Entire Section with saying there is no right or wrong way to color. every gifmaker has their own distinct style, and you’ll develop yours too :D i really recommend looking to see if your favorite gifmakers have any coloring tips and if they don’t, there’s no harm in asking :D (just make sure ur nice abt it nd respect them if they choose not to share their coloring :D)

moving on to actually coloring, you wanna see what kind of colors are in your gif and enhance them. in the case of this gif, it’s very blue toned and blue tends to end up being very grainy in the end. i want to color correct this gif then and there’s a good tutorial that i learned from here :D (i don’t color correct all the time, only when the scene is very heavy in one color)

now we have a more neutral starting point, and you can color as you want from this point! i’d usually just Slap on my psd and adjust the settings until i get something i want, but i’ll go through some of my favorite adjustment layers and what my general coloring process looks like.

here is the Holy Grail of photoshop, the adjustments tab :D i use these adjustments the most:

brightness (i usually decrease the brightness and up the contrast just a bit)

levels (i take the black arrow down a bit and the grey arrow either increases or decreases depending on the gif)

curves (i use this sometimes!! if the gif is just a bit too dark, i usually bring this up a tiny bit)

vibrance (i usually bring this up to about +15 or +30 depending on how colorful the gif is)

color balance (another adjustment i absolutely need in all my gifs!! it helps to change the tone of the gif (if it’s too red/too blue/etc and lets you neutralize it more) and a good tutorial that explains how to use color balance can be found here)

selective color (i usually have like,,,, So Many Layers of this but this is a Must Have adjustment!!! i always change reds/yellows/cyans/blues/neutral/black)

gradient maps (just to add some more color)

exposure (usually to darken the gif a little and decrease grain)

and just for the sake of this tutorial, i’ll go through how i would color this gif so you can get an understanding of how i color :D

so we go from this

to this

i use the levels, curves and brightness adjustments to increase the contrast and darken/brighten the gif a little. it’s not a noticeable difference but it’s there :D

then, i use a color balance layer to make it more red-toned. i worked in the order of shadows > midtones > highlights and adjusted each slider until i got a result i wanted. i also thought it was still a bit too dark, so i threw in a curves layer too.

resulting in this

and then i added some selective color to enhance/change up some colors!

and because i thought it looked a little too red, i added another color balance layer.

and lastly, i add in an exposure layer! 

and that’s how i would color that gif :D this is just a really basic coloring but you can always build on it and play with all the adjustments !!! now we’re gonna time the gif and then save it :DDD

part four. timing and exporting :D

timing is easy :D select all the frames in the timeline and then click the number so you bring up this menu:

click other and input the timing. i follow this really rough guide of what timing to use per amount of frames:

15-30 frames: 0.07s

30-60+ frames: 0.05s

i had 23 frames for this gif so i’m using the 0.07s timing :D hit enter and your gif is timed :DDDD !!!!!!

now for exporting!!!

i used to think there was only One Way of exporting gifs but after reading a gazillion tutorials and playing around with the settings myself there’s actually a lot of different ways :D you can ask people what their save settings are and play around with it :D

 so to Finally save your gif, go to file > export > save for web and devices and this window should pop up

here’s a closer look at the settings i use to save gifs

make sure the looping option is on forever otherwise it plays once and then you want to Roll into a pool after you upload it and realize you hecked it up. also, make sure the file size is under 3mb. you can check that here

my gif is 1.08mb so it’s fine :D hit save and then name your gif and bam!!!! you made a gif :DDDDD here’s the final result, with a comparison for coloring :D

pat urself on the back and go tackle photoshop :D if you have any questions, feel free to send them my way !!!

[rennyji]

July 3rd tweets...

July 3rd tweets...

There is a Biblical saying that says “A prophet is never accepted in his own home town…” - what this means for everyday people like ourselves is that sometimes those close to us don’t recognize our value. It could be from seeing us everyday, knowing our past and viewing us through that mental filter, or something of that nature. It could be why Jesus didn’t work or practice His ministry in His hometown, where He grew up. In His hometown, Jesus would be seen as Mary and Joseph’s son, or if Joseph was a carpenter: Jesus (or “ Yeshua Bar Joseph” <-I believe His Jewish name, or I think Joshua) would also be referred to as the carpenter’s Son. Jesus moved from where people knew Him and started fresh and established Himself as a Holy Individual. Now back to me. When I give my parents advice, they never listen. If you ask them one of Renny’s ideas or advice, they can’t remember even one thing-they don’t pay attention to me. They need someone else, literally anyone else, other than their children to push them in one direction or the other- the sad thing is, the other people may say exactly what I would’ve said. Please don’t be like my parents. Listen to those in your life, value what they say. It’s one of the reasons I need to make sure my life partner is someone I can regularly talk to. I mean I may sound nice to you, but when I buy something for my goals or go to a different Church, my parents get critical. They Can’t understand my reasons even with me being in the most bizarre and time consuming or “situations/phenomena.” I’ll go out of my way to explain myself, but there is some demonic mental block in their heads where they don’t listen. Never. It’s like an extraordinary disease, because I end up saying the same thing to them over and over. And truthfully, at my age, after all these years, I don’t care to, nor have the patience to, explain myself to anyone about anything. It’s ur bizarre disease to read into every detail of a strangers life, not mine.  But my father…he lacks the common sense to pray for my happiness and goes so far as to pray aloud that “the demons making me misbehave in his perception or do what he doesn’t approve, be gone.” He prays that I find someone from his culture and birthplace to take as my wife. Insult to injury, he says this out loud daily, never considering what I want. I mean you want to say get a hobby (literally) rather than obsessing on some idealistic future from 30 years ago and from another country.   I see him as the ultimate con man in terms of being manipulative with me. He makes retarded smart a*s moves to make me hear certain things, thinking it will get me to act in a particular way. He plays on emotion. These actions are so primitive and childish, it’s enraging. He’s from a village, but even then, I find myself wondering, how the h*ll does this man see me? A father and son dream in this country of being friends and like brothers. Not my dad. Never sees me as an equal. May mindlessly say in passing, sure we’re equal. But it’s without thinking through what it truly means. If I were him, I’d take time to talk to my son and value every word. But my dad is from another time and place: he thinks since I’m fed and housed, then his Christian obligation is fulfilled. My body may be taken care of, but what do you do to nurture my mind? Anything? How do you “convert” or change such time practiced learned behavior? It’s not stubbornness of heart, but like his genetic programming is incapable of being reprogrammed: or in other words, he doesn’t have an open mind. I think I can learn new things, accept differences where I see them, and change accordingly. But not my mom or dad- plain old school types. Think their ideal Christians based on how they grew up, not realizing the lack of heart in their actions, or my ability to teach better. Living with them at this age to avoid rent payments and to use the ton of space available at my house, takes a toll on the mind. Simply because of the nonsense I face. I mean I want my mom and dad to listen to what I have to share. If and when they read this, they’ll miss that point and be busy taking all of this as an insult, as random as that may be amidst all their random yelling and criticism. Never had parents I could talk to, and for the past 11+ years, people keep a distance from me as part of the “situation” or “phenomena.” Parents: listen to your kids. Do what my parents never did, and believe in your kids, when they struggle to believe in themselves. They’ll remember and appreciate it for a lifetime. I wish I had a dad I could get a beer with, when I’m taking a break from fitness goals, as beer affects such goals negatively. I wish my mom and dad supported my endeavors, however crazy in appearance or stereotype, rather than judging me. Food? a maid can cook. No ones going to remember that after someone passes on, if they have recipes. Cleaning can be done by house services. Money can come from a job. My parents don’t listen and just compound my own fears. Some families leave their kids with the house they grew up in. When I spent Christmas Eve with my friend Nicole and her family while lying to my parents, she shared that her parents gave their house to the kids AND THEIR GIRL FRIENDS, WHILE THEY MOVED TO APARTMENTS IN THEIR OLD AGE. My parents? For one reason or another, maybe to make me like a stereotypical American, want to sell our house, not help me with job hunting, and leave me in debt. I believe they have a hand in the situation they partake in, in terms of getting me involved. Who begs for their sons hate like this? Are they so guilt ridden that they just want to give me h*ll for some self consoling hatred towards them?! I lose patience with the simple mindedness and stupidity of people. Innocence can be beautiful, but then not so much with stupidity. A parent shines in the way Martha Kent of Smallville is with Superman or Clark Kent: always there, always supportive, always listening. Parent, friend, sibling: that’s what you aim to be for those close to you. Be better. Words from a man in his very early thirties.

-But moving on to other things...

Yesterday I said that prayer can be a tool 4 mindfulness or 2 remind us of ourGoals & get us 2 focus &progress towards them. But it needs 2 be done daily, at least once inTheMorning &/or inThe Evening, right when U wake up, right b4 sleeping-those 2 instances, the mind is clear.-

- Today I introduce the concept of the "self fulfilling prophecy." You can see it as an exotic way of see positive thinking. With the self fulfilling prophecy, while believing what you say, you proclaim out loud: you succeeding in attaining something desired. -

-You can raise ur hands or keep them folded. Probably better to stand.-

- so lets say in the 11th grade, you want to get into a particular college. Say as often as you can "I will get into Harvard or Columbia or whatever." It helps tune your mind. It puts your desire at the forefront of your mind. Being alert to ur own proclamation, you will &should-

- be on the lookout to what will accomplish your goal. Believing and declaring your goal will help you get the grades you need in school and on the SAT's/ACT's. It gets you in the practice of accessing your divine potential in the same way the age old disciples -

- declared in doubt free belief that their followers would be healed of disease. But you need to believe everyday what you proclaim. The first time, maybe you won't get what you want. But with persistence, your mind will see you as relentless, and give into your belief. -

- sometimes, instead of getting what you aimed for, life will reward you with something better or more appropriate for your life. I knew someone that wanted to get into a particular fellowship program after their residency and medical school. This person got in elsewhere.-

- but as it turned out life "needed" his caring presence elsewhere. He managed to live in an area where he could get a fancy apartment and affordable furniture. He's living in style. -

- u need 2 orient ur actions towards what ur proclamation is. If u, as a parent, believe ur stuck in a situation where u have no choice but 2 betray ur child, & U hate urself 4 it, & believe ur son will hate u, "ur actions & tone of voice & content of words will reflect that."-

- that is the self fulfilling prophecy working negatively. If it can work negatively, make it work positively 4 u. Orient ur actions &speech towards ur goal or theFuture u want. Never let this world stand in ur way. U are not just this world, ur body, or mind, & its limitations.-

- you, a human being with an immortal insides or soul, are destined for greatness, to be a giant on this earth and maybe elsewhere. Never let anything keep you small  or without a voice.-

- in life, when you try for something, you will get that or something better. Believe, live in the moment, make the best of what life gives u, orient ur actions/speech/thinking toward what you want and need, proclaim it - let the self fulfilling prophecy work for u positively.

[danisnotofire]

Do you have any advice for writing? I used to do it all the time but then I just didnt have time for it anymore. And now I want to get back into it and I keep trying to write, but Im hit with this overwhelming doubt/anxiety that it sucks. And I dont plan on posting my writing anywhere so I dont understand why Im so nervous about writing to the point where I want to cry and cant do it. And I really want to work through it but its just so difficult. Any advice? -🌳

i’m not sure how good i’ll be at giving advice on this, because i often feel the same way!!! 

but ig that leads me to my first point, anon, and that is, you have to understand that that anxious feeling never really goes away. sometimes you feel better about it, sure, and sometimes you’ll write something and know you were meant to write it, but 98.7% of the time you will be screaming and crying into ur document and thinking you’ve been a failure and faking any ability to write this whole time. you have to understand that that’s all part of it. but you have to understand: it doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer. i really think you have to internalize that if u ever wanna write anything. 

the best thing to get over feeling awkward and robotic is to separate yourself from what you’re writing. when i got back into writing fic (it’d been like, legit 4 years lmaooo) it was hard to put myself aside and stop feeling weird about writing it. i felt that same stiffness/awkwardness when i started journaling too. the best thing you can do for it is just understand that nobody is going to read it unless you want them to. it’s not going anywhere. the only person who’s gonna judge it is you. 

once you get over that, write as much as fucking possible. it doesn’t need to be a lot. it can be a sentence. it can be a few hundred words. it can be a fuckin novel. just write something. the only reason i’m VAGUELY good is because i’ve been doing it for a longass time. 

i’ve been writing creatively on and off since like,,, third grade. i’m now a sophomore in college. you just gotta churn out as much content as possible. i promise you, eventually it will be good. 

if you can, i think writing classes are actually super helpful for this. i used to kind of shun them and look down on them because i thought somebody teaching me how to write would take away my own style. it actually helped me refine it, mostly because it got me into writing again after going so long without it. i was forced to write every week for a whole semester, and it kind of became a habit that i continued all through the summer.

fun fact: i don’t think no such mirrors would exist in the form it does now if i hadn’t taken that class!!

BUT: I get that classes aren’t always available to you. there are definitely ways u can get urself in that habit!!! you can do nanowrimo (which i did my freshman and sophomore years of high school, where you write 50k in 30 days just to pretty much see if you can. i CANNOT recommend nanowrimo enough. up until no such mirrors, that was my proudest artistic accomplishment)

FIND TIME TO WRITE WHENEVER, WHEREVER YOU CAN. you are going to have to sacrifice certain things to find time to write, but that’s all part of it. i struggled in doing this when i started school this semester because i went from having mostly my entire week free to having like, zero time to write, which is why it took a month for no such mirrors to update. it also sucked because writing makes me feel better about myself, because it helps me be a more productive member of society or something, and so, although it was hard, it became super important to me to find a time to fit that back into my schedule (i ended up carving out a few hours after my last class of the day on MWF, which happened to be my english class with a prof whomst i ADORE, so i always left feeling super inspired. and now i usually go to the silent floor of the library for a few hours and pound out a few thousand words. it’s not ideal, and ofc i’d rather be taking a nap or decompressing from class, but at least it’s something!) 

i know this is harder to do, but i really do think posting your work helps!! i love writing fic because you get INSTANTANEOUS feedback on your skills, and it helps you develop them in a (largely) positive and supportive atmosphere. the people who are reading fic are the people who WANT to like it, who are just desperate for any content they can get. it’s such a good space to learn and grow as a writer (i started writing and posting fic when i was like, 12 years old. my percy jackson days. pre-tumblr. lmao #neverforget) 

i know this is SUPER FUCKING CHEESY, but another thing that helps you become a better writer is to read as much as possible. read anything. read fanfiction from authors you admire. read YA novels. read children’s books. read the classics. 

and then, (and this is something i will shamelessly do lol), pick your favorites, and try and mimic their style as an exercise!!! i recently read james joyce’s “a portrait of the artist as a young man” for class. it’s now one of my favorite books. and so what i did was go to google docs and pound out a few hundred words just trying to mimic the style. it ended up being a weird 1500-word-wip. most of it is garbage, but i wrote lines i’m really fucking proud of. 

obviously don’t like, plagiarize. but what i’ve come to understand is that you can learn something from everything you read. whether it’s a certain type of metaphor, or a kind of characterization, or the art of simplicity, or a way of writing dialogue, or a stylistic thing. and by mimicking that style as a writing exercise or using their style as inspiration for your own work, you help refine what you like, and what your style is. 

i will never be james joyce. that’s pretty obvious. but my version of james joyce is its own style of writing altogether, and it’s not necessarily bad! it’s its own style that i can then learn bits and pieces from later on. to me, writing is this weird ungodly mix of natural ability/learned style and compiling what you like about other authors into your own work. it’s a messy process, but eventually you will churn out something you like. and that’s what matters: producing content that you enjoy. everything else will come in time. (did i think anybody would read engagement sequence? uh, no. i hoped they would, and honestly i do wish that fic was recognized more than it was (bc any author who says they don’t care about feedback is LYING) but mostly i was writing it because i had SO MUCH FUN writing that fic. i’m probably most proud of that piece of writing out of everything i’ve ever written. it came from me combining poetry and prose into this weird pseudo mix of both) 

another thing that’s easier said than done: DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER AUTHORS. this is something i CONSTANTLY struggle with (to the point where i get SUPER down on myself if i’m not getting the same amount of anons asking about my work or comments or kudos or fuckin’ whatever). it’s something i CONSTANTLY have to work on, but it’s so so important, and the sooner you start working away from this habit the better off you’ll be. 

if anything, USE these authors as people to learn from!! ask them questions about their process!! read their works and take note of what worked really well and how they executed it, so maybe you can incorporate that into things that you write later on. 

IMPORTANT: COMMENT ON WORKS. COMMENTING ON WORKS DOESN’T ONLY BENEFIT THE AUTHOR, BUT IT ALSO BENEFITS YOU AS A WRITER. commenting helps you specify and work out EXACTLY what you liked about a certain piece. even if you don’t think it does anything, it actually puts words to specific things that you like, which then helps you incorporate it into your own writing. also?? long, thoughtful comments make an author’s fuckin DAY. someone once left like an 8 paragraph review on my fic, and i could. not. stop. rereading. it. for the better part of a week. TRULY. 

take yourself less seriously. honestly. as much as it kind of sucks, writing is supposed to be fun and ultimately, it’s supposed to be rewarding. let yourself experiment with style and dialogue and characterization. who fucking cares? i wrote 300 words about spaghetti steam as a metaphor for jeremy’s parents’ divorce the other day. it doesn’t matter! nobody will read it!! that’s what editing is for.  

it also might help to talk about your writing process!! i know i love doing this, and i see loads of other authors do it too. it’s so, so, so fun to complain about writing, because writing is really fucking hard. even the pieces that come easiest to me are still a pain in the ass to write. 99.99% of the time i write, i would rather be doing something, anything else. who wants to sit and cry into a computer screen? nobody in their right mind. ya do it because you love it, and you love the final product and you love seeing what you’re able to do, what you’re capable of creating. 

if you’re having trouble starting, pick literally the first thing that comes to mind and write as much or as little as you fuckin’ want. remember, you’re in control! you can do as much or as little as you want. when i started writing no such mirrors, i had NO IDEA it was gonna become what it was. i started the fic with jeremy throwing a baseball up in the air and some random dialogue. i didn’t know what role everybody else was gonna play. i didn’t know it was gonna turn into an actual fucking novel. i had no idea! i just had the idea of jeremy laying on his back and tossing a baseball into the air repeatedly. why? i legitimately could not tell you! but it worked. it felt right and natural and easy, and here we are 72k later. 

that being said, IT’S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO FEEL RIGHT AND NATURAL AND EASY! you’re just gonna have to write through that! it’s gonna fucking suck a lot of the time, especially with longer works! i fucking hate certain chunks of no such mirrors, to the point where i can’t even bear to look at them. 

this leads into another point, which is….

you’re going to feel like you’re faking it. that’s okay. keep writing. i doubt in my abilities every. goddamn. day. i reread my fics probably daily and can’t understand why anybody would like them, half the time. i feel like the characters’ interactions are forced and awkward and unnatural, i think the dialogue is boring, i think their feelings don’t feel real and i don’t feel like their motivations have depth. i feel like the plot is hanging on with masking tape and thread. every author will feel this way at some point or another. i know that sounds fake, because i’ll read posts like that from my favorite authors and can’t believe they would write anything except perfection. so you have to remember, it’s in your head most of the time. 

however, that’s not to say you’re perfect. you aren’t. there’s no such thing as a perfect writer. sometimes it’s healthy to listen to that voice in your head to try and improve. you just can’t let it become the loudest part of your writing process. 

so yeah! those are my writing tips!! that was a lot and im really sorry if it was all cliche and cheesy bullshit, but i promise they work, or at least help a little bit!! 

i hope you can get out of ur slump, because i love writing so much and hope i never stop doing it (even if i say i hate it l o l) and i really hope you can get to the point where you feel comfortable saying the same

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o 

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS 

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f . 

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE  F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY 

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A  D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough  TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U  T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.

[gg-astrology]

Helloooo :) I don't know if it is too late but, what do you think of cap sun taurus moon? :o

HAH WE HAVE THE SAME PLACEMENTS!!!! 💕 ITS CALL OUT TIME!! 💕💕

(and no ure not too late don’t worry 💕 thank u for dropping by anyways!!)

[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Taurus Moon 🍃]

We’re a lot more earthier than our usual earthy counterparts, like if anything if we’re not surrounded by atleast 5 trees we Will Die

It gets especially hard living in an urban city because….we might not be accessible to parks all the time.

Although we might like leafy greens and fauna, some of us may have a hard time motivating ourselves to keeping them alive/grow our own garden even when we like the ~aesthetic~

Second most self-praise thing is our voice. With the combination of Capricorn/Taurus you might realize that we tend to have influential voices when speaking to others (others see reasons/listens to us– can be kind of like the ‘therapist’ in groups of friends because they tend to give solid advice and tries to make it practical for others)

It’s a persuasive ability, where we give other people nudges towards the right direction usually through a socratic dialogue (like asking them questions and letting them find the answer themselves)

Because Taurus is ruled by Venus, we appeal to the emphathy/putting ourselves in other people’s shoes (social relationships) to show others how to view things differently

There’a terrible stubborn streak amongst us, where we feel like we constantly need time to ‘digest’ experiences in order to utilize them fully.

Our time works differently than others, 2 days weekend isn’t enough to do that. And once things start picking up we switch gears from ‘oh no I don’t have time to absorb’ into ‘fuck I gotta find my pattern’ in order to survive

Always in survival mode, the bare minimum. Keep a straight-focused outlook on things so we could concentrate on it instead (while in the moment)

Switches between moments of independency (and cherishing it) and wanting support/to be surrounded by others and help them (in the domestic life/sphere).

If your bed and your room is your friend. This is your ‘safe space’ and you can never work here. You’ll have delegated ‘spaces’ for working/productivity. Thus it becomes a conditioned ‘motive/pattern’ you set for yourself.

You can try to be soft an gentle, but you will Realize that you are a very straight-forward and blunt person. We all look constipated when we try to phrase something in a different way, often we don’t come up with a gentler phrase so we just– drag it out, cautiously to see if the other person is receptive to it or not.

Surprisingly we say ‘sorry’ quite often bc we Know other people might put it gentler than us but we don’t know how to Do It

AH most important thing— quiet doesn’t mean shy. Although we can tend to be shy early on in our childhood (*if it comes to that). Quiet is just comfortable, like ‘I don’t have to say stuff if I don’t have anything to say’ when you’re comfortable with urself/ur company y know

Most people might think we’re being ‘unnaturally quiet’ if you have an active Mercury/Venus that says otherwise— but there are moments where you’re just— chilling, and people are concerned even when you’re just ‘absorbing’ the view

When you’re stress, it shows. When you’re really anxiety ridden and nervous, others can tell it in your oppressive silence. Your face blanks out, and that normally doesn’t happen. Your eyes vacant, and your close friend can pick that up pretty quickly.

Although you like to touch and be touched, you can also be demanding about it. Like ‘pet my hair’ ‘squeeze me tight’ or something specific like ‘hold onto my rib-cage/sides’ — it’s weird I know. But it’s like, if you want something you ask for it or you go get it. 

Emotions are— hard. Because you tend to hide your own pains/bury them a lot. You’re not even aware that you feel more than what you feel in the moment. Capricorn suppresses and Taurus redirects. So you’re not even sure where your emotions go when in hiding.

Sometimes you can be in the shower and think ‘have i ever felt jealous?? envious of people???’ and it takes a little more time and retrospection to get familiar with emotions

Accepting ‘negative’ emotions and ‘ugly’ behaviors in yourself is extremely hard to do. This is because you pride yourself in being ‘kind’ to others. Thus you may be much stricter on yourself than you are with anyone else.

Doesn’t mean you don’t get strict with the people around you, you do. Especially when they’re doing detrimental things to themselves. You’re much better at dealing with them than your own problems though.

Sometimes your retrospection eats away at your thoughts at night, things to do, functions to execute, where are you now? What have you done? Are you going to be happy in say 5 years? What do you have for your ambitions?

You can be protective of people around you, especially after you see them cry or in pain. Your protective instinct kicks in really strongly, and you may have trouble letting them have autonomy without atleast giving them a hard look and saying shit like ‘ok, if that’s what you think/makes you happy’. 

With your best friends, you may used to have the idea that they’re yours. 

Your best friends. Your people. Especially in early childhood, having to ‘open yourself up’ and your friendship up to accepting new people throws you into an internal tantrum.

Still now, you might find that you better with one-on-one approaches to ‘getting close/to know people’ than large group settings. If you’re truly going to have a personal opinion on someone, you have to see them outside the context of a barrier– your mutual friends.

Your own chemistry with other people (one-on-one) matters a lot, because it lets you know how you’re doing. Who you are, what your flaws are and whether you have a different ‘side’ to you that comes out when you’re with them as well.

The thing about you is– you’re inherently honest. To the point where you can’t hide it or stifle it, even if you try your body/mind will scream at you for even attempting to do so. You’re a slave to your own honesty, but it’s also your advantage and your disadvantage.

You have immense capabilities to be understanding to others, and to help others who trust you because of this honesty. 

And because you hold yourself valuable for your integrity to people (heart-to-heart, one-on-one) you don’t ever let yourself consciously try to bring them down or let them have a reason to doubt you otherwise.

Even thinking about how people could misinterpret your actions as something with ulterior motive (threaten to discredit your integrity) you take pre-cautions to make sure everyone is on the same page, everyone understands where it’s coming from.

You don’t leave a stone unturned when you do something, you want to do your best but that also requires preparation works. Ground works, for you to focus on just diving into it later. You don’t deter from it at all, and meticulously prepare the ‘grounds’ for yourself every time.

Your humbleness comes from your core. But since you’re so focused on working/preparing and your side of the story all the time. You have a harder time ‘switching’ gears to being on the receiving end of things.

You’d have learnt earlier on in your life that you can usually have an ‘automated’ response to things/circumstances that requires responses. But you don’t ever want to appear insincere or disingenuine so you try your best to put yourself 100% in giving people sincerity at all times.

You’ll learn– that this tends to wear you out. And you require time away from people in your own space. You might like to bury yourself under 10 blankets, give yourself a good scrub in the bathroom or get tucked away in a corner doing your own thing. Personal comfort is rejuvenating to you, but you can let it get too far and make a bad habit of not going out because of it too.

You’re a homebody but you may pride yourself in the opposite. You bring attention and light to when you go out, what you did with people, what you saw today. Watch that you aren’t doing this to subconsciously ‘persuade’ yourself that you deserve to relax at home because you’ve ‘earned it’ (going out becomes an ‘achievement’, which in itself isn’t terrible but you tend to let yourself get comfortable/have a pattern that may be harder to break out of– and that generally leads to a sense of dread for you later on when you want to ‘switch gears’ to something else)

You’re a creature of habit, so try to make a journal or ‘check list’ for things whenever it appears (like ‘you have a meeting at 3pm, this has to get done by thursday, do groceries on this specific day because otherwise you won’t have time – use it like you have a secretary). 

Whenever you need to check, you have the journal to remind you of ‘obligations’ you have to work through.

If you don’t, you can let your days get past you or forget about things you have to do.   

Grocery shopping, especially when you have time to journey alone (and not talk to anyone)– is less of a chore and more like a place where you can enjoy self-care without feeling unproductive about yourself.

If you ever feel like you’re having a bad day, go grocery shopping. Splurge on some meats and make yourself a steak. If you’re a vegetarian, try looking for new things to try in these moment of vulnerabilities.

Also, don’t be afraid to buy dolls. Especially the big ones that are like 9′ tall and towers over you. You’re going to enjoy having a new seating space for yourself. Lie on it’s stomach, play on your laptop. 

You’ll do better with a cuddle buddy who doesn’t have their own needs (inanimate) when your partner/friends are less free to spend time with you. 

Don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact, if you want someone to kiss your checks. Ask to kiss theirs. Show them– through demonstration and response – how to physically care for you the way you might want/need it to.

You can be disgustingly cute with people even when you’re not in a romantic relationship with them, mostly because you think everyone deserves to feel loved even without it being romantic. Everyone deserves to feel cared for, adored and not less than a romantic partner.

There’s no shame in craving intimacy, from friends or from lovers. You know it’s different because your ‘shades’ with romantic partners are a lot more intense/directed. But that doesn’t mean you put your love for your friends second to your lovers.

Let yourself get giggly and bubbly, feel loved and adored. Let yourself open up about past experiences, situations you need help with. Let yourself admit to your friends/people around you how you feel, so that they can support you when you can’t support yourself.

That’s all I have for now 💕 This one is quite long mostly because I was thinking about it too much 💕 I hope it’s applicable to you ;; 💕💕