i just looked it up they don't get together again for nearly three seasons
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How...how are you alive?
Kenji sato x Fem! [Different demention] Reader.
☆♡☆♡☆
SUMMARY:Ken had a lover named Y/n, but she had passed away. He was devastated from that. Then 2 years later his mother was declared dead. So he took the opportunity to move to japan and restart his career in his home country. But then something strange happened. There was a exact copy of his lover in his living room. Except she wasnt his y/n. She was different.....from a different demention.
[A/n:Im gonna try and make this into like a series i guess lol]
(Warning: sexual tension, angst, confusion, crying, my cutie ken sad basically the whole story. Y/n has brown eyes & brown hair[ya know bc shes from a different demention]<tell me if i missed any>)
Pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5.
♡♡♡♡
It was different. Sad. Not like what he had thought his life would feel like. Y/n had died 2 years ago because of cancer. He remembers her blue eyes sparkling like the ocean when the sun began to rise from the night sky. Her blonde hair swaying in the wind perfectly all fluffy and soft. Her plumped lips smiling showing her pearly white teeth. Her dress would be thigh length and sway in the wind so majestically. Her sweet voice would say the most beautiful things when she spoke. But then....her eyes became dried cracked wholes in her head. Her hair began to fall out and become like straw. Her smile started to turn into a signature line. Her voice started to sound ruff and hard. But one thing never changed. How much she loved Kenji. Everytime she saw him walk into her hospital room with the signature red roses and smiling happy to see her fiancé. But then it all ended with that one last beep on the monitor. After that he didnt want to find love ever again. It hurt to much. The sound of her laughter when they would cuddle and tickle each other. Or when they would wake up with each other in bed and stay there all day. It wouldn't be the same.
Then 2 years after that his mom was declared dead. Something snapped in him. He moved to japan to restart his career and forget about everything that wanted to make him cry all day.
So now he was on his way to play basbell. The Giants. Fight as Ultra man. And restart. But how he had asked to please make the pain stop to anything that could have the power to. Anything.
.
.
.
That was until he woke up to a crashing in his living room and a female screaming.
He had grabbed his baseball bat and tip toed to the sound. It was a girl. A women. She turned around and looked at him scared.
.
.
.
It was Y/n.
But it wasn't her exactly....She has brown hair and brown eyes. Probably taller than her and more plump in some areas...*ahem*.
"(Y/n?)"
She looked even more confused. "Uh, yes" she said uncertain. "Who are you and why the fuck am i here?"
He was in shock. Why was there someone that looked like his y/n but so so different. Plus his y/n never cussed. The only bad word he ever heard her say was crap. And she said fuck like shes used to saying it.
"W-Wait, you dont know me?" Kenji asked confused. He waited for her answer. ".....nooo?"
Fuck. What the fuck. How is this possible.
But, after some time. He learned that Y/n was 22 and was living in California. She worked at a cafe and book store to make ends meat. She was the complete opposite to what y/n was like. She didn't even have the same color at all like her. Brown hair, brown eyes, playful/sassy attitude and less innocent.
"Well, can you help me get to my home demention because like ya know, im not suppose to be in this one?"
Damn. She's right. She has to go home sometime. He looks at her thinking.
"Plus, everytime you look at me your litterely burning holes into my ass and tits"
Yep she definitely not his Y/n. How will this go now. His life is already a mess to began with...
♡♡♡♡
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It's late when I'm writing this and I'm sleepy and I'm (again) thinking about Daryl falling asleep during sex.
Not in a mean way; say like he comes home from a run pretty late in the evening or night, you get him some food then help him through a shower and maybe a massage that ends in both your clothes gone and missionary.
Your bodies are about as intertwined as they could be; your legs hooked behind his back, arms around his neck and shoulders, his arms curled around your torso and head buried into your chest and crook of your neck.
He keeps murmuring about how much he missed you, how warm you feel, how good you smell, how soft your skin is; just how much he loves you. His thrusts are slow, almost lazy, kisses accompanying his words of admiration.
He's purring again, completely lost in you, melting into the feeling of your body beneath his cause it's the most comfortable thing to ever exist. His body's on autopilot to maintain his movements, but eventually his brain drifts a little too far to keep it up and he just falls asleep in your hold.
You whisper his name just once to check his consciousness, confirming that he's gone, then smile to yourself and resist your chuckle as to not rouse him. You brush hair back from his face, tenderly tucking it behind his ear with sweet little goodnights and a kiss to his forehead; to which he subconsciously cuddles closer to you. You watch him for a little, then fall asleep yourself.
Daryl groggily wakes up a couple hours later (he practically never sleeps more than a few hours without waking up), disoriented from drifting off mid action. Awareness trickles back to him, remembering what he was doing, only now pulling out of you and shuffling to the space in bed beside you, accidentally waking you in the process.
He tries to get you to go back to sleep, but is a little distant which just wakes you more. Truth is; he's embarrassed. In his perspective – from things he's heard and been told – falling asleep during sex is not only bad, but insulting: essentially saying you're disinterested and find it so boring you snooze.
Of course you catch onto this without him even needing to say it, but still persuade him to explain it himself since it's part of working with him on getting better at freely expressing his feelings and being honest. He keeps apologizing, saying he didn’t mean it like that at all and he was just really beat from the run; if you wanted to restart right now he's willing (he definitely feels like he disappointed you and assumes you're upset with him) (again that stems from preconceptions, not actually you)
So you shift up against him, wrapping him back in your arms and saying you understand he was really tired, and that's okay. He didn't hurt your feelings at all. In fact, you love that; the fact he fell asleep – that he felt so safe and comfortable with you, even during such a vulnerable thing, that he fell asleep.
He's confused. I mean… you were having sex, and seemed to be enjoying it, then his exhaustion essentially ‘ruined’ the moment, and your pleasure (this was early on enough in your relationship that he's still wrapping his mind around the fact you're in love with him, and not the sex – you love that too obviously, but that's not why you're with him. He struggles a lot with seeing relationships as 50/50, rather more 75/25, or 90/10 even, where he's most of the weight. It all stems from his upbringing and experiences, and feels he has a debt to be constantly repaying you simply because you're claiming you love him – he just feels like if he's not meeting expectations he set, he's not good enough, and if he's ‘fumbling’ in something as crucial as sex that's a major problem) (I gotta stop that here or ima get off track)
But anyway, you continue to correct and reassure him, running fingers through the roots of his hair, holding him to you and periodically peppering kisses to his head, temple, jawline and such while you speak, lulling him to rest again.
It takes him a little while to accept that what you say is true, as do most things you reassure him about. A lot of the earlier chunk of your relationship was spent undoing the intricate knots of negative thinking patterns and thoughts that wove into his mind throughout his life – all this being one of them.
He comes to accept it eventually, along with other things, and can now just cuddle up with you in intimate positions, but not actually having sex, and fall asleep in each other's embrace.
Yes your Honor, I am guilty of loving non-sexual cockwarming where you just stay like that to feel connected 😔🤞
(I swear I will post a req fic soon I needa lock in 🗿)
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I want to talk about THAT smile. The one from the elevator. The one that scares us (or maybe just me).
This one:
It's stayed with me since the first time I saw it. Michael Sheen is an absolute master of his face, so this sinister smile means something. I don't believe that it's a forced smile that he's pasting on before he enters Heaven. It looks absolutely malevolent.
And I just couldn't figure out WHY.
Aziraphale just left everything he loves behind: humans, food, bookshop, and Crowley. Crowley most of all. He was devastated after that kiss, devastated that Crowley wouldn't just come with him so they could be together. He was hurt, shattered, unsure of himself and his decision. So why the practically evil face?
I don't subscribe to the Coffee Theory. I think it takes too much away from the emotional and character development and everything the fandom went through in those last 10 minutes for Neil to pull the rug out from under us like that.
So if he's not drugged, then what's the face?
The Metatron just dropped a bomb on him. The Second Coming. Heaven's going to restart the apocalypse. End the Earth. The place where he'd just left the love of his life and everything he holds dear. Make everything they'd fought for absolutely meaningless.
And then I remembered this face:
See how similar they are?
I've seen a lot of people put this down to a repeat body swap theory, but I don't buy that either. I think that would be less inspired than what we've come to expect from the brilliance of Neil's and Terry's minds.
I'm going on a bit of a tangent here for a second, but I promise it will make sense in a minute. When the demons were coming for them, Nina told Aziraphale that he shouldn't wait to be saved by Crowley, that he should come up with his own plans and save himself. And he did, but it wasn't a total plan. It was the beginnings of one. He held them off, but when his plan ran out of time, it put him and the two humans (except maybe not -> looking at you, Maggie) he's come to care about at risk. Then he had to do something reckless and probably stupid, and it worked, but it was too close.
Back to the matter at hand:
These two perfectly wonderful, complete f*cking morons have spent the last 4 years together. Probably daily. And do you know what happens when you spend so much time together?
You start picking up the other person's mannerisms, mirroring speech patterns and body language.
My theory:
Aziraphale spent that elevator ride coming up with a plan. He's come up with something that he thinks will be so clever, so unexpected of him (an angel), so Crowley-esque, that the Metatron will never see it coming. And he's not about to cock it up like he did in the bookshop, show up with only a half-baked plan.
No. He's got something positively diabolical. Something inspired by Crowley. So he makes the face that he's learned from spending four years in the daily company of the original owner of that expression. The only face he could possibly make when figuring out how to save the world and get back to his demon. And thinking about how much he can't wait to tell a Crowley how clever he's been.
That face is 6000 years of togetherness in the making.
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Clockwork was powerful, but he was far from almighty. Some paths could not be altered, some worlds were beyond saving, but this…
As he picked up his grandson’s broken body, the child’s clock began to spin.
🦇
Ignoring the pendant around his neck for a moment, Bruce looked at the world frozen around him. The last thing he saw was that damned alley behind the movie theater, but now he was in the manor. As he tried to adjust, a hooded figure melted out of the too-bright walls.
“Your assumptions are correct, detective. This is the end, but I come bearing cold comfort.”
“Who are you?” Bruce asked, weary but ready to fight.
“Your friend Diana would call me Kronos, but your son, Daniel, once called me Clockwork, then grandpa,” said Clockwork. “You don’t have to trust me, but you’ve loved them both. I just want to cushion the blow.”
“Explain,” Bruce demanded.
“Very well, but let’s go to your family.”
Clockwork led the way down to the cave, and Bruce followed begrudgingly. Several of the bats were huddled around the computer, with a few getting ready to head out. The screens showed the energy from Bruce’s final jump, all the way in that damned alley.
“Are they safe like this?” Bruce asked.
”No,” said Clockwork, “but it will be painless. When I restart time, you’ll only have a minute to speak. That will not be enough to evacuate.”
“Why not give me the hope then?”
“Bruce, I have already done something incredibly cruel in the name of kindness. If I gave you anything else—if I lied that there was a way out—you would waste the gift.” Clockwork shrank down to a child. “Daniel will know what happened one day, and I don’t want his hatred to extend beyond a few centuries.”
“Wait, Danny will survive this?”
“And only Daniel can,” Clockwork confirmed. “Leaving will hurt, but only a new lifetime could begin to heal what he’d already suffered.”
Before he could ask, a portal opened to several screens, and he could feel his heart break as everything played out: Danny’s original world and his first parents’ betrayal. The way that both Drake twins would’ve been stillborn without the swap. The nuclear war when he killed Joker—
“I’m sorry that Darkseid’s pact with Nergal delayed your friends. The worlds without a laughing magician almost always face excessive magical interference.”
“Then why not place Danny somewhere safer to begin with?” Bruce growled. “Why hurt him like this when my son’s already been through so much!”
“A laughing magician cannot be anticipated by the divine, and I…” Clockwork aged into an old man. “Bruce, I was a terrible father, but my little warden has me wrapped around his finger. I couldn’t risk him being banished or bound in a deal before he could advocate for himself.”
Bruce wanted to hate him for it. He wanted to hate the paranoid logic that would break Danny’s heart again and again. He wanted to tell his son the truth and hold him through the tears. He wanted to soothe the hurt himself. He wanted to hide it so that Danny never felt the blow.
He wanted, like any good parent, to keep his son safe and happy.
“You and I are far too alike,” Clockwork said bitterly. “Thank you for loving him. Thank you for refusing to forgive me.”
“So what now?” Bruce asked.
“I’m taking everything Daniel needs to the new timeline. His records, his things, and even the few articles. He acted like a ghost in public, so we can just slip him in.”
“There will be gaps,” Bruce stated.
“I will help bridge them,” Clockwork promised.
“And he’ll know about us?”
“There is no timeline where I attempt to keep the truth from Daniel and avoid him devouring my core,” Clockwork said.
“That isn’t a yes.”
“Though I would not begrudge him his vengeance, such a thing would make Daniel hate himself.” Clockwork smirked as he matched Bruce’s age. “That counts more than my word.”
“And where is Danny?”
“He had a headache, so he’s fast asleep upstairs.” Clockwork’s gaze softened. “He’s going to wake up in a world where no one remembers him, but everyone he loves here is alive and well.”
“And you’ll show him this one day?”
“I promise. He will know as soon as it will not destroy him.”
Bruce took a shakey breath and walked until he was halfway between both groups. He hadn’t bothered dealing with the tears until now, but he wanted to see them. He wanted…
“Will any of us join him?” Bruce croaked.
Clockwork hesitated.
“Ectoplasmic ghosts form when the soul condenses under pressure. If I tell you the truth, either anguish or relief will damn you. I’m sorry.”
Bruce wanted to push, but just this once…
“Do it.”
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sunshine
summary: jj never really thought of loving a girl before. it was always a hit and run, but you were something else.
warnings: fluff. that’s literally it. like major fluff
pairing: jj maybank x innocent!routledge!fem! reader
————————————————————————
you were outside of the chateau, chilling in your yellow sundress when you heard his voice.
“hey, y/n,” jj said, sitting down next to you.
you grinned, tying a knot on the bracelet you were making. “hi, jj.”
he looked at you in deep thought for a moment, noticing it was the first time he ever loved the way his name was said.
“is john b here?” he asked.
you didn’t let your smile fade, although you were pretty bummed. you wished he’d come to see you, but you shrugged. “i don’t think so. wanna hang with me for a little bit?”
he looked like he was thinking, but he eventually shook his head. “i’ll just come back later.”
he wanted to stay with you. in fact, he needed to stay with you. but the thought of loving someone the way he loved you was terrifying. especially if it was his best friends little sister.
he stood, starting to walk but you followed after him. “well, where are you going?”
he shut his eyes as he stopped in his tracks. “home.”
you shook your head. “jj, can you stay with me? i’m bored.”
he shook his head. “i got work to do, princess. maybe another time.”
you suddenly looked at him with puppy dog eyes, gripping his bicep. “please?”
he bit his lip. damn, if he knew how to say no to you, he would have done it. but he didn’t. he grabbed your hand and took you back to where you were sitting earlier.
“pick a color, jj,” you said, putting your old bracelet off to the side.
“um,” jj thought. “i don’t know.”
“come on, j, just pick one!” you rested your head on your knees.
“um,” he said, looking around. his eyes fell on your dress, which he loved a lot, but was too nervous to say. “yellow.”
you looked up. “like the sunshine, right, j?”
he sighed. “yes, princess, like the sunshine.”
“it’s very warm today. i was tanning earlier. look how much sun i got,” you said. you showed him your arm after gathering a few different strings to put together.”
jj smiled. “cute.”
“so, what did you need my brother for?”
he shrugged. “pogue stuff.”
“i’m a pogue,” you muttered. “why can’t i know?”
“because, honey, it’s secret.” he brushed it off like it was nothing, but you wanted to cry.
your hair was in a half up half down style, one that jj had never seen before on you, with your ends blown out and complimenting your hair color. you noticed he was looking at your hair, which gave you an idea.
“j,” you said, rummaging through your bookbag. “can you tie a bow?”
he shrugged, catching sight of the yellow ribbon you threw onto the grass. “sure, princess, i can.”
“tie one into my hair, please.”
he sighed and you turned around. jj wanted to hold you close to him and cuddle you, but he had self control. he looped the ribbon around the ponytail at the top and began tying as you leaned your back against his chest.
“you’re making it hard for me to tie, here, princess.” he chuckled, having to restart. he had goosebumps from how close you were.
you almost fell asleep. “you’re comfortable, jj.”
he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself not to leave a trail of kisses from your ear down your neck.
“done,” he said, starting to twirl a few strands as he waited for you to get off of him. “you can sit up now.”
“no,” you shook your head and forced him to lay down, cuddling up to him.
“come on, princess, sit up,” he said, tapping your hip.
“j, i’m comfortable. please?” and for the second time in five minutes, you looked at him with the puppy dog eyes.
he sighed, pushing your head back onto his chest. “remember how john b said you were off limits when you turned 13?”
“yeah? and you said never in a million years would you want me?” you asked.
he winced. he regretted those words every day, wishing he could go back and take them away. “yeah. yeah, that time.”
“what about it?”
“nothing. take a nap, princess. you’ll get even more tan.” he said.
“okay.” you agreed and fell asleep.
*
honestly, jj felt like a creep. he’d watched you sleep for at least thirty minutes, but he couldn’t help it. he loved the way your chest rose and fell slowly. but mostly, he loved that you even smiled in your sleep.
jj’s legs were starting to cramp. he couldn’t move without waking you, but he didn’t have a choice. your eyes fluttered open and you turned to him, startled.
“‘m sorry, princess.”
you smiled an ‘it’s okay.’ and sat up. he followed, starting to realize how sweaty he felt. he brushed it off and took a sip from the water bottle that was there.
“jj, that’s mine,” you told him and grabbed it back, drinking it until it was gone.
“someone’s thirsty,” he commentated and jabbed you in the hip.
you giggled, throwing the water bottle at him. “i got to get back to my bracelet,” you said to yourself and went away at knotting .
he watched you contently for five whole minutes before saying, “do you still love the stars?”
you froze. it was something dumb you’d told him when you were eight. you never had expected him to remember, but you nodded. “yeah.”
he grinned, thinking of how cute you would be on a blanket pointing to the little dipper.
“wanna watch them with me tonight?” he asked. he bit his lip, waiting for your answer.
your smile grew wider. “okay.”
he slapped your back, chuckling. “it’s a date then.”
you turned around and have him a thankful look that he wished he could take a picture of in the moment and look at every second of his life.
“jj,” you said, looking past his shoulder. “john b’s back.”
jj would be lying if he said he wasn’t upset. he was bummed that it was no longer the two of you. he was upset that there probably would not be another cuddle session that evening.
to be honest, he’d only realized his feelings for you a few years ago. at least, he’d recognized them. he’d always felt the same about you, but only around three years ago did he realize it was love.
you had loved him knowingly since the first time he held your hand on the way to school while john b walked beside him, defending you from the bigger and meaner kids at school.
you’d always had that puppy love for him.
and he’d always had that puppy love for you.
“right.” jj said back, standing and approaching john b.
he turned around. “stars at my house, okay?”
you smiled and nodded, gripping the grass and ripping a few blades out.
*
jj had set out a few pillows and a blanket on the roof of his house. he was quite comfortable on his own, snuggling up into the pillows he slept with every night. he couldn’t get over the fact that soon he would be able to lay his head on a pillow that smelt like you.
after a few minutes of listening to the crickets, he heard footsteps. “jj?”
he sat up and peaked over the edge of the roof. “shh, princess, don’t go inside.”
he watched you look up at him, smiling as you locked eyes with him. your eyes reflected the moon and the stars. they looked no different from how they usually did. well, maybe they did; jj usually saw the whole world in them.
“jj, i can’t get up there,” you whined. he climbed down the ladder and grabbed your hands, smiling at you.
“hi,” he said.
“hi.”
he ordered you to go on his back and you climbed there, fighting your fear of heights. he climbed the ladder with no problem, placing you gently on the fort he’d made. you leaned back and laid down as he laid down next to you.
jj knew how small he made the little circle. he wanted to be as close as possible to you. you loved it, too.
“oh, baby, your ribbon’s all messed up.” jj said, mentally kicking himself for the pet name.
and you mentally kicked yourself for almost fainting at the nickname. he’d never called you that before. “what did you say?”
“i said… i said your ribbon’s all messed up.” jj said nervously.
“before that.”
he hesitated. “baby.”
you squeezed your eyes shut, turning to face him. “i liked it.”
“yeah?”
“yeah.”
he helped you sit up as you leaned against his chest and he retied your ribbon for the second time today.
“i like your hair like this, baby.” he said, smiling as you shivered at the nickname.
“thank you,” you said, leaning your head into his neck.
he nodded and kissed your forehead.
what are we? he thought, resting his chin on your head.
you were looking at the sky through the side of your eye and you launched your finger out. “venus.”
“what, baby?” he asked, his attention being drawn back to you.
“i can see venus.” you pointed. he followed your gaze but didn’t see anything. he pretended he did.
“very beautiful, princess.” he said. just like you, he thought.
you nodded, turning back to him and reaching into your pocket of the shorts that were under your dress.
you pulled out a yellow chevron bracelet. the one that you had not finished before he left. it warmed his heart to know that you had not stopped thinking about him when he left.
“you got a gift for me, don’t you, routledge?” he asked, not accidentally holding your hand for a little too long when he grabbed it out of your hand.
“like the sunshine,” you told him, pointing to the yellow.
he grinned. “just like the sunshine, princess.”
“i would love some sunshine right now,” you said.
“i have some,” jj blurred out without thinking.
you raised an eyebrow. “how?”
he couldn’t go back now. “in a way, baby, you are my sunshine.”
you grinned, your face lighting up. he knew the sun was your favorite star in the sky ever since you were eight .
“i’m your sunshine?”
“my sunshine.” he told you, cuddling close to you. “if i’m upset, you make me feel better.”
you didn’t even think about it, but you gave him a kiss. on the lips.
it was something you did a lot—kiss him—but it was usually just on the forehead or on the cheek.
he froze. you sat up. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to—”
but he smashed his lips against yours, drowning you in passion and love.
“i love you, baby.” he told you.
“i love you, too, jj,” you said, smiling wide.
“oh and this bracelet reminds me…” he started, reaching into his pocket. he pulled out a neckless. it was made with clay beads, a type of bead you enjoyed.
it was yellow.
“i made it for you.” he told you as he adjusted it onto your neck.
*
a/n: so fluffy
part 2? idrk
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angstober (4)
Prompt: "Just Breathe"
Pairing: Bucky x Reader
A/n: More angst!! I appreciate all the support for these little drabbles sooooo much!!
angstober masterlist here ♡
~~~
“Come on. Come on!”
Bucky was panicking.
How had you fallen so fast? So suddenly?
One moment you were beside him, the next you were mixed between cracked concrete and metal pipes—falling, falling, falling. Who knew bridges were so unreliable?
“Wake up, sweetheart. Come on, please,” he pleaded. Begged. His hands kept moving, kept pushing life into your chest as tears mixed with the saltwater on his cheeks. “You don’t get to leave me.”
Steve was somewhere near the shore, fighting off whatever creature had blown up the bridge. And thank god for Steve, because Bucky would sooner let the creature from space eat him before he left you. Before he let you die.
In some cynical, self-hating part of his brain, Bucky registered that you were already dead.
He pumped his arms more steadily, applying more pressure, willing your heart to start beating. You weren’t dead. You weren’t. Because if you were gone… well, Bucky felt the repercussions of such a thing as he stared down at your waning, wet skin. Your lips were turning an unnatural shade and Bucky felt the reality, this reality, sink into his very bones.
Sand bit into his knees where the torn material of his pants failed him, but Bucky felt it like lidocaine had been injected right to the site. A sob wracked his chest, almost crippling him as he gave his breath to you, and Bucky decided right then and there that nothing in his life had compared to this.
The way your body moved was making him sick. You only budged when he forced the motion into your limbs, your neck only turned when he tilted it up to try and save you.
This was awful, unimaginable.
“I love you,” he whispered, shaking hands coming to brush the hair from your forehead. You hated when it fell into your eyes. “I love you, honey. Please.”
His words broke, so Bucky kissed your skin instead. Your cheek, your neck, your shoulder—he kissed you to quell the unevenness of his own breath, and then he restarted compressions.
“You can’t—” he struggled. “—you can’t let a little water take you out. I love you so much, it doesn’t work like that.”
But, in real life, it did work like that.
There was nothing supernatural pumping in your veins. You were human, breakable, and while Bucky was used to this truth, he had never felt it as strongly as he did in this moment.
Somewhere, Steve called his name.
Bucky was only listening for one sound, and it wasn’t Steve.
Grief invaded the deepest parts of him, and it was slowing him down. Bucky never felt slow. Bucky was a machine. He could fix things and make them right. He had strength and invincibility and power.
Bucky could fix you, too. He could make you right.
Couldn’t he?
His crying had turned unintelligible, just small words lost between tears and gasping breaths. You’d cried like this one time. Right now, Bucky couldn’t remember why, but he’d held you and told you he’d never leave you. He’d run gentle fingers across your temple and stayed awake when you fell into a fitful sleep.
Bucky was alone as he cried.
“I can’t do this without you. I can’t.”
You coughed. It started small and then grew into a hacking, choking sound. Bucky startled, took a split second to watch the way your chest moved on its own, and then he pulled you forward with vigor. Your chin slotted over his shoulder and his hand made an imprint in the wet material at your back.
“Hey, hey,” he breathed, shaky and softer than he had ever spoken. “Just breathe. You’re okay. Breathe, I got you.”
Your fingers curled into his shirt, ripping at velcro and kevlar as you fought for air. Bucky held you through it, pressed his nose to the warming skin of your head and rocked the two of you without realizing it. Grief was still pounding in his bones. He wasn’t sure if that would go away anytime soon. If the weight of you being dead was ever going to leave him, even as you sat in his arms and choked out breaths.
“Bucky,” you eventually wheezed out, pulling back from his grasp. “I—”
“Shhh,” he hushed. Because as much as he wanted to hear you speak, hear proof that you were lucid and knew him and loved him, you were struggling. “Don’t try to talk. You’re okay. You’re okay, right?”
It sounded like a question no one could answer.
But you nodded, and Bucky pulled you back into his chest. “Just breathe, baby. You’re okay.”
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How can you navigate your life from here on?
Thank you, @lifeofaie for suggesting this reading, I really loved the idea.
Listen, I fuckin love a good road trip, ok? And navigating on a road trip ain't that different from navigating your life. Great music and shitty snacks. Wrong turns and detours that end up being half the fun and the whole story later. Arriving later than you planned or having plans changed entirely. How it always seems like the more you try to plan and control things the more they go off the rails. What do you need to keep in mind on this road trip called life? (yes I know how dorky that was, nope I don't care, yes all of these are gonna be heavy on road trip metaphors) Consider this reading, stopping and asking a local for directions and I promise not to lead you to the den of a serial killer. What is your inner compass saying? Is it time to make a rest stop? Let's fuck around and find out.
as always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.
Pick either the Road Stretching On, The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere, or the Road to Ol' Kentucky and head on to your reading
The Road That Stretches On
The Tower, Seven/ Swords Rx and the Magician on the bottom of the deck.
This reading is HEAVY. Some of y'all who came to this reading are dealing with some heavy mental shit. I am not a mental health professional, please seek one out. Tarot is awesome and helpful but it is not therapy.
Take a breath. I'm so fuckin serious right now. You need to breathe and clear your mind even for a second.
Don't ya just love how many people come to readings and then ignore the simplest advice given? To just take a breath? ( I love y'all, but some of y'all need a lil call out every now and then) The reason why I'm pushing y'all to stop and breathe is cause y'all's mind never. fuckin. stops. does it? Never. I had to restart this reading three times, cause I just kept getting wrapped up in y'all's anxiety spiral. And, I know it's hard but if you never make a conscious decision to try and slow down and give yourself a second, it's not gonna happen. Human brains are mostly auto-pilot and if you don't try and take the reins every once in a while it'll just keep doing what it's doing. Y'all are incredibly overwhelmed by making decisions for your future. It's like you see your future like the picture you chose, a road stretching on forever that can lead to anywhere depending on the turns you make but for you there's something that could be lurking in each turn. Something you're not seeing and that is terrifying to you. Now the main contender here looks to be anxiety about the state of the world, climate change, wars, pollution, famine, natural disasters, and on and on. Like y'all seem to be thinking what's the point, everything's going to shit. Listen, I'm gonna try to be gentle but when I tell y'all I'm very passionate about this, I am downplaying so fuckin hard. A lot of people fall into this overwhelm, it's not your fault. Governments and corporations put a shit ton of effort into keeping us feeling overwhelmed, cause overwhelmed people are too drained to put up a real fight. The point of trying is you being happy. That is worth it. The point is you can spread that joy. The point is to make a difference while you can. The point is that yeah, the world may be going to hell in a handbasket and you're just one person but you are a whole ass person. Who doesn't have to take this shit lying down. You want to live your life but are terrified of what might happen if you do. You feel like the world is a scary place and it can be sometimes, but you're so scared of truly stepping into the world, you never let yourself be or do much. It's like y'all are super fuckin excited for the road trip but are so scared of what may be around any turn, you just keep going on the same road letting it take you wherever it does. To get anywhere you want to go you have to make some choices. Yea, they may not always turn out how you planned but here's the thing: You will be okay. What you need to do to navigate your life? I'm sorry, y'all are gonna hate this advice but trust yourself. Sweetie, you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for, hell you may not have any knowledge of your full capabilities cause you've never let yourself reach them. Tarot readings can help you navigate, but all the readings in the world won't help you get anywhere if you never put your foot on the gas.
random ass vibes: I dunno if y'all forgot to eat but like I've been ravenous this whole reading, The cartoon Roadrunner, venus, tea, sunburn, flowers, 666
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The Road to Anywhere and Nowhere
The Star, the Five/Pentacles Rx and the High Priestess on the bottom of the deck.
Listen, honey. You can handle this. And you know you can. You're listening to your intuition, learning to trust yourself if you don't already. Y'all are navigating your life, you may have rough moments as we all do but y'all are learning to handle those moments with grace. I'm not gonna lie, it took me a minute to figure out why y'all are even at this reading, seems like the topic of this reading ain't something y'all need help with. And it ain't, y'all are killing it in this area. The reason y'all are here? Y'all need some encouragement. Maybe need is the wrong word, cause y'all are doing fuckin awesome either way. Deserve. That's the word. Y'all deserve some encouragement. The road you're on may be unconventional or the people around you very strongly disagree with. Or maybe they just strongly disagree with you, your identity as a person. (I dunno where "strongly disagree" is coming from but it keeps popping up in my head?) I feel like y'all have actively had people put you down and were able to power through and encourage yourselves, so you may not need others to encourage you. BUT we all deserve to be encouraged, just cause you can power through without supportive voices doesn't mean that you should have to. SO GET READY FOR SOME CHANNELED ENCOURAGEMENT MOTHERFUCKER!
Y'all have been doing a fuckin amazing job moving away from shitty past situations and are not fucking giving yourselves enough credit. Yes, even if it was "just" some mental blocks. Oh, "just" a mental block are you kidding me? Do you know how hard getting over your own mental bullshit is?? Y'all are over here, learning to parkour over your mental bullshit like a goddamn ninja, acting like it's no big deal. Sweetie, that's huge, you do realize that? To be honest with yourself, call yourself on your bullshit and then do something about it? Step fuckin one of that is daunting. And I'm hearing that y'all were able to get through faster than even your guides were expecting. Honey, how powerful are you?
Not only that, but y'all are learning to argue with your self-deprecating thoughts. Asking them, who gives a shit what they have to say? And taking all the energy you used to put into pushing yourself down and using it to build yourself up. That's SO fuckin badass, y'all! Talk about fuckin alchemizing shit. Y'all saw how much time and energy it was taking to keep yourself small and hurt, thought: Wonder what would happen if I used that to build myself up instead? And then you went and did it and ITS FUCKIN GORGIOUS. The blessings are gonna start rolling in with this new energy, but you already knew that. Cause motherfucker YOU are the blessing! Y'all are really embodying your own power and strength and are KICKING ASS. The last message is to let yourself rest, y'all are doing a lot. So give yourself a break, let yourself sleep in a bit later. Set aside time to just chill, you won't lose your progress while you sleep.
random ass vibes: receiving roses, worms, gardening, astronomy designs on clothes, 18, hide and seek
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The Road to Ol' Kentucky
Shout out to all my fellow Kentuckians! How y'all doing?
The Moon Rx, The Queen/Wands, the Page/Cups Rx and the Five/Wands Rx on the back of the deck
Y'all are being called to really embody yourself and your power moving forward. It seems like y'all not only have it in your head that you're a Page when you're a Queen (queen energy, not gender). You're wrong about the whole damn suit. Others may have convinced you you're being sensitive when they're being an asshole and you're pissed about it. (As if letting people talk shit about you is "weak" right?) Y'all think you're the negative aspects of the Cups: Overly emotional, flakey, manipulative, disorganized, and self-centered. When the truth is you're the positive aspects of the Wands: Passionate, creative, driven, confident, and strong-willed. Y'all are really fuckin hard on yourselves, okay? Others may have been intimidated by your strengths and convinced you they were your weaknesses. If y'all have been feeling stuck, this is why, alright? You are stuck cause you've been told that the way to get unstuck IS the reason you're stuck. Think of it like this, y'all are an airplane, convinced by cars that flying is your biggest weakness, trying to figure out why you never seem to get anywhere. Airplanes can roll around, sure but they're MADE to fly. It's time to do some hard thinking, probably back to when you were a kid. What were the things you loved and pursued, how did you pursue them and what bullshit did others say about it? Like, did you get super focused on an activity you were doing, forget about choirs or some shit, and then be called irresponsible and lazy? When you wanted something, were you the type to push and work towards it, then be called stubborn or relentless or annoying when others decided they wanted you to do something else? Because there are some good qualities y'all have that are how you're supposed to show up in the world that you're not letting yourself embody. To be clear, I'm not talking about being told you're acting like an asshole when you were, in fact acting like an asshole. I'm talking about strengths you had that were demonized to you and in an effort to be a better person you stopped using. Now they've atrophied and you've gotta work them out to get them back. Cause, listen the typical way of navigation ain't gonna work for you. Y'all can continue to roll around and try to get where you wanna go, but it's gonna be slow and a billion times harder. You ever seen an airplane trying to go down a road through town? Think a sec on on how hard that would be. Cause that's you, right now. There are no road maps for the sky, ya know? Y'all are charting your own path. You need to stop trying to make yourself follow the road map for life that others are using. It's not gonna work for you, cause it was never meant to. Y'all are on an unconventional path, the only way forward is to embrace it.
random ass vibes: Back To The Future, coffee, night owl, finding your people, reds oranges and yellows, clouds, libra, cats. Thelma and Louise
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✿ ✿ 〞 voicemails with minho before death knocks
✰ pairings: sick!minho x gn!reader
✰ genre: angst, romance, grief
✰ warnings: major character death, mentions of alzheimer’s illness, lots of what ifs and unsaid thoughts, forever isn’t for ever.
✰ word count: 1.2k + words
MINHO | chan | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin
one 𖨂
hey, uhm i honestly don’t know what to say but i’ll try. so it’s five forty in the morning and i’m sending these to you. the doctors– they said i won’t be able to m-make it. . . and i want to reassure you that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. at all, my kitten. we didn’t know i had this terminal illness, and i think now is the perfect time to say those things i never said. firstly, i love you so much. more than you can imagine. and yes, even more than that tv show of mine. there’s honestly so much to say, but there’s so little time. i have only 2-3 more hours, i suppose? and i begged the doctor to not call you before i’m gone. i know this isn’t fair to you my little star, but i don’t want to see you in pain because of me, or anyone else. which is why i’m afraid of letting go of your hand. afraid that if i go, you will try to follow me blindly, do the wrong things, walk down the wrong paths and will end up losing yourself. i don’t ever want that to happen. ever. so, please don’t cry when i’m gone. i guess you can cry a bit. . . but not much. what if you end up getting a sore throat? if you do, take the medicines from the second drawer in the bathroom, okay?
two 𖨂
i’ll miss you. your goofy faces that you make, your cute little squeaks between your laughs, your beautiful eyes that always shine when you see chocolates and you. all of you. i’ll miss all of you so much. how about you? will you miss me too? will you bake your cinnamon rolls that i love so much at the funeral? or on my birthday? will you? i’m not even sure what happens after death. whether i will even remember you or not, i don’t know. but what i know is, that i’ll watch over you from up there. i’ll always watch. so don’t be afraid to step out of the house after it gets dark. and if you do, carry that pepper spray with you, okay? doesn’t it feel so surreal? me becoming a star, when i always call you my little star? i guess that’s why i’ll have to watch over you from afar. me, a big star. you, my cute little star. i’ll shine bright in the sky, i’m sure of that. so don’t you dare lose that shine on you as well, alright?
three 𖨂
it feels weird and- and scary. i’m so nervous, love. i didn’t want to die like this, never! i wanted to live a long life with you. live with our three little cats, and maybe a few mini versions of ourselves running around our house. i wanted to see you grow old. and i want to keep loving you even when you put hair brushes into the freezer and dishes in the bathroom, i want to be with you. right by your side. and even when you forget to brew your evening coffee, i want to hold your hand and guide you. and even when you keep repeating the same words three times a day, i will pretend it’s new. so that you don’t have to remember that you’re forgetting. yeah, i know it. the doctors told me you can have alzheimer’s over time, it’s highly possible. but i’m afraid i won’t be able to take care of you kitten. and i’m sorry– i really am. i wish it didn’t have to end this way.
four 𖨂
i know you. you were looking for forever. i couldn’t give you that. but i can at least take the batteries out of the clocks so that we’ll be stuck inside this moment as if time had really been stopped. so that i’ll almost get a million extra seconds to spend with you, except here seconds do not exist. it’s only the two of us. you and i. in our forever. and when i die, you can crank your watch– restart the clocks and begin the time. and know that we were infinite the moment you were mine. i’ll always be yours. always. i promise. but i want you to move on. i want you to experience love again while you’re still young. i’ll support every decision of yours from up there, and i’ll cheer on you. i don’t ever want to hold you back. nuh-uh. i want you to move forward, and even though you can look back, i don’t ever want you think you could’ve changed the past. you need to walk on a different road now. one without me. and though it hurts to say this– you need to live without me. live for us. live for the future you always wanted. live to complete those bucket lists of yours and even mine, since i couldn’t complete even a single of them. live. just live happily.
five 𖨂
it’s ten minutes past seven, and i feel sick. pain scale infinite/100. my whole body feels on fire. my hands– they wouldn’t stop trembling no matter how hard i try. my lips have turned pale, and i feel it coming. i can sense it. i can sense death waiting on the door. waiting that the moment i finish it’s going to snatch me away from you, from this world. and i’m trying to stall time. but my body doesn’t listen to me anymore. it’s become weaker and more. . . stubborn. my love. i wish i could call you that more often. my little star. my kitten. all these nicknames are the only way i survived my nights admitted in this hospital. i used to think of you. think of what you would do after i’m gone. think of what you would feel. think of who else would cry for me. and i don’t know what to do. i really don’t. i feel just so helpless. i don’t know what to do anymore. i really don’t. i hope you’re not sad because of it. please don’t be. take care of our three beautiful children okay? tell them that their father has gone to a beautiful place, show them your love, sing to them at night and take them in your arms when you feel sad. and if you ever miss me, look at the rain, or the stars or the clouds, i’ll always be here to listen. always. just as i promised.
six 𖨂
i hoped that death would be a bit kinder. i hoped she gave me some more time, some more years i could spend loving, admiring and memorizing every bit of you. but it’s always unexpected. she comes in unexpected ways and takes away our loved ones in the blink of an eye. i’m talking like a true poet now, aren’t i? give that pink letter to my parents, green one for each members and blue one for you. tell them to open that after a week, it applies to you as well, missy. be kinder to yourself. love yourself. look at the mirror and think of my compliments. felix gives the best hugs. hug him if you feel low. if you ever feel drained out like me. i’m tired now. just– so so tired. can i rest now? please? i’ll always love you regardless of whatever may come. and i’ll always be in your heart. i’m about to be a star, my love. s-signing off, yours forever.
taglist: @taeriffic
for anyone who wants to be added to the taglist either send me an ask without anon (cause it’s s taglist) or fill the form linked in my masterlist <333
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what are your Hoffstrahm werepire! au hcs??
i hope you're ready bc im basically gonna tell you most of, if not all of the sporadic details of their "story" thats been simmering in my head. theyre subject to change on any given day because, well, this is my imagination LMAO i can take this daydream wherever i want
one day parts of it could be a fic? idk. i dont think i have enough of a beginning, middle, and end of a real cohesive "story" so it might just exist as snapshots in the form of little comics forever.
and some of this is, in fact, alluded to in that really horny heat fic i wrote akjhfjb
pre-meeting
Hoffman:
-He and his sister were both vampires and have been for a little while. not sure for how long. the details of how they turned are also hazy
-but they were alone together and moved cities often, only having each other to rely on. they had to "restart" someplace new every few years. possibly because theyve been around too long and would start to arouse suspicion from neighbors noticing them not aging in 10 years. maybe they were in danger of aggressive rival vampires competing for hunting grounds territory, or anything else making them feel unsafe
-at last they settle on Sawville which seemed to be untouched by vampire drama. (as far as they knew at the time)
-Angelina always had too big of a heart and, as a vampire herself, wanted to believe in the good in people. wanted to believe in someone's ability to change. which is what she tells herself when she falls in love w that asshole Seth
-Mark is not trusting of him at all
-Angelina trusted in Seth too much, trusting him with the information that she was a vampire
-Instead of a slit throat she gets a wooden stake to the heart
-Mark is too shell shocked to leave Saw City i guess. he already distrusted humans in general but now he knew he could never, ever trust his heart in a human. not like she was able to.
-When Seth is released Mark cooks up the pendulum and gets caught by John just like in canon
-blah blah hazy details he and Amanda and Lawrence are stuck under John's thumb. i think in the fic i made it purposefully vague if Lawrence and John are also vampires, im now leaning toward Lawrence also being a vampire (i did draw him as a bat recently after all) and John is still undecided
-He knows werewolves exist, but never met one. He's not terribly concerned with encountering one but knows there's an eternal feud between the species.
Strahm:
-his early days are also hazy to me
-he's been a werewolf since i think teenagehood and it was something he kinda grew up with and learned to somewhat tame over the years
-great idea based on this anon (and everything else in the post, verbatim) but maybe he has troubles remembering his childhood or the time around when he first changed, so really all he remembers from early on is how he trained to control the power to be productive in society
-he can change at-will whenever but on full moons it is involuntary, and hes more prone to going wild. he still doesnt trust himself, so once a month he chains himself up to pipes in the basement.
-he also knows vampires are out there, and that they're bad news. Werewolves instinctually want to kill them for a reason. They have no souls and drain people of their blood, they're vermin to be exterminated. or so he thinks. he's never met one yet.
-maybe he decided to go the FBI route growing up for whatever reasons he did in canon. maybe it was a drive to learn more about whats going on in the undergrowth out there. on the everlasting hunt to find more people like him.
-what will he do when he does find one? what if they're not what he hopes?
-with his heightened senses, he knows he has a tactical advantage at work so he flies up the ranks. he's the FBI's most effective bloodhound, and they have no idea why. they dont question it. he gets shit done and thats all they need.
-some years into their partnership, he tells Perez the truth. She's the closest someone's ever been to him in many, many lonely years, and if there's anyone he can trust with the truth, it's the person he trusts with his life
-it took a lot of prying questions but she accepts him for how he is and they are more effective as a Human and Werewolf FBI duo as ever
-and as best friends, too. a tiny pack, if you will
Meeting:
-their meeting
-Hoffman made a frustratingly good point, and Strahm cant prove anything yet. But he's also just so damn curious. because he's never actually met a vampire before, and he secretly wanted to know which rumors were true.
-they also have an incentive to not immediately just out each other's species secrets. they dont want worldwide panic. they both know trusting humans is difficult and everything about that can backfire. its best that their species drama gets resolved privately.
-They both get a lil too curious about each other
-Hoffman keeps being annoyingly flirty with him too. like "arent u a lil curious lol 🧛♂️🍆 you can kill me after, ok? 😘"
-they settle some curiosities one night in a sleepover of discovery lol
-they secretly catch feelings a la most fics out there where they start out with a one-night hate-sex stand
-Strahm realizes that he doesnt really care that Hoffman is the "enemy" species, he seems like a normal guy. hes not soulless at all. he also has a sadness about him, just like him. and its so amazing to meet another creature, to meet someone else that he doesnt have to hide around. someone who isn't scared of him. he's not alone in the world
-Hoffman realizing he also doesn't have to be alone again, though a part of his heart is still guarded. and hes still got the jigsaw thing going on. strahm still suspects it.
-The two of them don't really want to kill each other. Like, imagine a cartoon scene with two characters super slow-mo punching each other like "Im gonna punch you! here it comes! yep! im so.. totally.. gonna punch you!" because neither of them really want to do it. until they're collapsed in each other's arms because they realize they dont hate each other, they need each other. because. im a sap.
-over at team Jigsaw, instead of infighting and killing each other to one-up each other like in canon, the apprentices realize they're all being manipulated and start to band together. vampires together strong.
-hoffman confesses the predicament hes stuck in to Strahm. their whole world is already so insane and wrought with otherworldly violence, he knows damn well that sometimes things are more than meets the eye, so hes more willing to hear him out
-Peter more or less accepts everything. he watches from the sidelines and lends a hand if needed, having grown sympathetic to their cause and seeing that theyre all just trying to escape this cult. but its also not his fight, he stays out of it, just helps them get away with it legally.
-if John is a human, they all corner him and idk probably drink all his blood. Scar vs The Hyenas style. if John is a vampire, maybe theres an epic fight if hes like a super strong elder type who just went deranged with power over centuries, Underworld style.
Post-Jigsaw Life
-when its all over, the vampires are kind of unsure of where they belong now. they scatter a bit but still keep in touch, kind of like a weird little family now, having gone through all of that together. maybe they can kind of help each other survive too. a coven of their own.
-Hoffman still isnt sure exactly of where he and Strahm fall now, now that the reign of terror is done. hes going to need to drink blood again to survive, jigsaw violence or not. will Strahm be okay with the kind of monster he has to be to live? he doesnt drain people dry, but he hates doing it anyway. and the doctor vampire of the group can only smuggle them so much blood from the hospitals.
-they realize theyre in love and can try to make this work, hearts fully open to each other. no more secrets between them
-One day when Hoffman is really starving, in an ultimate show of trust, Strahm allows him to try to drink from him. and they learn that while it tastes bad, it works, and they could have a symbiotic relationship.
-While bearing his throat and allowing Mark to drink is the ultimate display of trust for Peter, being in his extremely vulnerable bat form is the ultimate display of trust for Mark
-They tell Perez the truth about Mark, to loop one more friend into the circle of beloved, trusted people in Peter's life who know everything. Mark also gains +1 family, in a way, in addition to his coven. big emphasis on everyone realizing you dont have to be alone
-Mark helps Peter learn to control himself on full moons so he can fully control himself around the one other person he cares about, like this
-still have a lot of learning to do about each other, navigating their relationship together despite their species differences. thats been the subject of most of my art and the fic and other discussions in my werepire au tag lmao
-sometimes a pack can be a werewolf, a human, a vampire, and the two other stray vampires he kind of picked up along the way
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the king (2)
series summary. y/n knew that her whole life was outside the Palace, but it was hard to resist when the Crown Prince had been chasing her for as long as she could remember. doomed to an end where everything she loves has to be abandoned, y/n is forced to restart her life far from her mother, her village that saw her grow up and the man she loves. who would've thought that loving would come at such a high price…
pairing. prince!jungkook x f!reader
content. english is not my first lenguage! violence. royal themes. be-heading is still spoken of in this kingdom, nothing that will materialize. yelling. a flashback.
a/n. hey guys! i forgot about this one hehe. i have some chapters already done, i'll try to post them soon. love yall <3
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Jeon Jungkook had never thrown a tantrum since he was eight years old. His teaching was so strict being the heir to the throne that he had had to learn to tolerate many things and put up with others from an early age. Understanding the weight of what it entailed to be born with the title of “Crown Prince” had been one of the things that had taken him the least amount of time to grasp, but which he always questioned in the solitude of his room.
Jungkook had surprised his parents, understanding from a very young age the implications of his position and the responsibilities he was to assume in the future. That knowledge made him grow up lacking in many things, but with advantages in many others. By owning that awareness, Jungkook understood the weight on his parents' shoulders and knew that they must've had a difficult enough life for him to bother them with his childish mundanities. So that's how he grew up, for many years, trying to make life easy for his parents.
Usually, his mother used to use him as an example to his younger sisters on how to behave according to the title they held. His sisters never envied him, they really loved him, but Jungkook knew how much they hated not being able to live their childhood like all the other kids in town. And he hated that too, that they couldn't experience it, but he was relieved just to know that the big burden was on him and not on them. Expectations were always placed on him, the Crown Prince, the next King, and not on the princesses who only wanted to enjoy their life and childhood in the big castle. Still, Jungkook sometimes didn't understand why his mother demanded so much from his sisters when they hadn't grown up with the knowledge he was given. He hated the nights when Suni, the youngest of them all, would sneak into his room at night or search for him in the great Palace garden because eomma had forbidden her to keep stuffed animals in her room or because she got mad at her when she asked for more food at dinner.
Jungkook, for a long time, tried to make his parents' life a little easier.
But it infuriated him to think that they made his sisters' lives difficult in return.
So, for a change, Jungkook started throwing tantrums.
The first time he remembered it as lucidly as if it had been yesterday.
It was a sunny day in the square when he had gone out with his parents and two of his sisters. Their parents had dawned in a strangely good mood, so much so that they had decided to have a little family walk in the central point of town. Jungkook went with one of his sisters, Hari, making funny faces at his younger sister, Suni, behind his parents' backs, causing the little girl to laugh loudly. They were having such a peaceful and happy time that Jungkook couldn't believe it.
That is, until Suni saw one of the wooden toys they were selling in the square and began to pull her mother's hand. Hari and Jungkook stood silently, frozen, walking quietly behind their parents as they watched their little sister stir and pull harder and harder on the Queen's hand. They could barely go unnoticed… when Suni began to cry.
Jungkook bit his tongue, and had the urge to move forward to grab his sister and take her back to the Palace, but Hari's hand wrapped around his arm kept him sane. Jungkook hadn't been through a situation like that, precisely why his parents didn't often go out with their children, so he had no idea how his parents would react.
The Queen continued walking, almost dragging her little daughter who wouldn't let go of her hand. People passing by her were barely able to give them a glance, hurrying their pace when the Queen's eyes fell on them. The square had fallen into a dull silence that was perturbed only by Suni's sobs.
Hari squeezed Jungkook's arm tighter as the Queen turned her face away to look at Suni, and they both watched their mother's tense face, no longer welcoming and peaceful as they had seen her in the morning. She was now only the Queen and Suni, her own daughter, was trying her patience.
The King walked silently by her side, not even bothering to try to calm his daughter or show his wife patience. He lived in his own world.
Jungkook felt a hand clutch around his throat as the Queen began to tug on her little sister's arm, to get her to walk back to her side without crawling.
He didn't think twice as he began to speak, and Hari's hand tightened around his arm.
“Eommoni,” Jungkook elongated his voice, a hint of weariness and exhaustion ringing in the Queen's ears. The woman barely glanced over her shoulder at him, and Jungkook took it upon himself to keep his face irritated like his sister Hari did when she had to eat paprika. “Suni is making too much noise and my head hurts.”
His little sister turned to look at him, her eyes red and cheeks drenched in tears. Her little eyes rolled down his face and she had one of her hands almost inside her mouth, as many babies did when crying. Jungkook could never shake that habit that his mother hated, no matter how much he told her it was normal.
“Can't we go home already?” Jungkook continued, shuffling his feet. Hari was as want as a stone beside him.
“Jungkook,” the King's voice was heard, a silent warning.
A shiver ran through the two brothers walking arm in arm, but Jungkook didn't budge.
“It's getting too sunny, besides, and I'm dying of thirst. Let's go now.”
The King stopped and the whole family along with him. Suni was now sobbing quietly, she seemed to be calming down at the sound of her brother's voice, but tears still streamed down her face.
“Enough,” the King bellowed, turning around to stare at Jungkook. “You are demonstrating unacceptable behavior for the Crown Prince,” he spat, then turned his face to look at the Queen and Suni, “Let's go now.”
Suni let go of her mother's hand and stood in front of her father raising her arms towards him with a grimace that made one think she was nothing short of destroying the mountains with a scream. The King sighed, but took her in his arms. Snuggling into her father's neck, Suni finally closed her eyes.
“I hope you are satisfied, Jungkook,” his father spoke again. “You'll see what awaits you at home.”
The King's punishment had been harsh, as usual, but Jungkook was glad he had used his influence over his parents because, the next day, Suni was in the family dining room with the wooden toy in her hands.
Thus, Jungkook began a streak of manipulation against his parents to ease his sisters' lives. Since they were always more concerned about the Crown Prince's behavior, it was easier to divert his sisters' attention to him.
And to this day, Jungkook hadn't stopped doing so. Every day with more reasons, with different arguments, even if it cost him his life. He wouldn't stop. For them… and for him.
He raised his head as the doors to the great hall opened and a familiar face peered between them. The King's Counselor was striding toward him, hands loosely at his sides, dark blue uniform neatly arranged and a calm expression on his face. Jungkook knew him better than he let on, though, and knew those eyes incited nothing but reproach.
“You're in deep trouble,” was what Kim Seokjin said as soon as he reached his side, his gaze hard but his eyes soft, concerned.
“I know.”
“The way you confronted the Queen…”
“I know.”
“She's never going to let you leave this palace.”
Jungkook twisted his lips and focused his gaze on anything else within the room. Since he had arrived at the Palace, walking shoulder to shoulder with his mother, with the Queen, the two of them split their path and Jungkook had wandered off to a quiet place in the Palace thinking that the argument would end there; that his mother would ignore him for days and make his life miserable while his father watched. But the King arrived within minutes and sent for them both to the meeting room.
Jungkook had been waiting there for about ten minutes, thinking about what they could talk about, what kind of punishment the King wanted to give him, what kinds of poisonous words his mother was going to spit out, when the counselor arrived.
“If I hadn't gone, she would've- she would've given the order and…”
He pressed his lips together in a line. The paltry thought that hovered in his head at the possibility chilled the blood throughout his body. The shiver that ran through him made him grateful he'd had the chance, but reminded him that from now on he had to tiptoe around his mother.
“Your mother wanted a show. She didn't want to kill her, she wanted to humiliate her. Destroy her honor, like she thought she had done to her, to the Jeon family name.”
“That's stupid,” Jungkook spat, anger rebirthing like flames inside his chest. “No one would've ever found out if it weren't for what she did. Now everyone will be talking about it. For weeks.”
“That's true. It was not a calculated move, the Queen acted through her anger. And the consequences will be severe.”
“And you'll hear her already, blaming me for everything. As always.”
Seokjin gave him a sympathetic look, his body leaning against the table in the center of the room. He had known Jungkook since the Prince had turned 15 and since then it had been very hard for him to keep his distance when Jungkook started seeing him and coming to him like a brother. Seokjin knew how hard life had been for the Prince, even if he didn't notice it, even if he had normalized living that way, even if he had become accustomed to the mistreatment. Seokjin saw through those eyes the longing of his inner child, the desire to be free to do whatever he wanted, whatever he couldn't do before.
The counselor had been a pimp, if he had to admit it. He couldn't give him or let him do many things without his parents, the King and Queen, finding out, and both of them being punished for it. Still, he tried to support him in every way he could, like excusing him when he wanted to leave the palace alone for a walk, or accompanying him to have his first beer at Fresh Air; it was almost a tradition in town for older brothers to take their younger siblings to try their first alcoholic drink at that bar, to share those moments together.
Just as he had been in so many stages of his life, he knew Jungkook had been taking too many chances the past few months. Years, even. Seokjin would allow himself to cut him a little slack whenever he could, help him with excuses to breathe easy, but he constantly wondered how long he could be walking quietly on a tightrope. How long it would be before the Queen's sharp actions would cut off that tiny thread of hope that Jungkook had been moving on for some time.
“Have you heard about Hari and Suni?” the voice of Jungkook boomed in the silence, a few seconds after he had uttered the last words. Seokjin raised his head to look at him.
“They were on their way, very close. They should arrive today in the afternoon or during the night.”
The Prince nodded, faint lines crossing his forehead.
“Good thing they weren't around to witness all this.”
“I don't think they can escape the days ahead,” Seokjin mused and Jungkook bowed his head in a nod, a grimace akin to helplessness crossing his expression. “And more so when the King sent for you two. He must be furious.”
“The calm he showed in the square was only the sheet of ice containing his anger. I doubt we'll make it out of this room alive,” Jungkook felt a shudder run through his body as he remembered the look his father gave the Queen when he ordered him back to the Palace with her. His mother was scary, yes, people were right to fear her, the anger was always evident and furrowed her expression without self-consciousness to the world. But his father was not, the King was better known for having an icy rage, for having a frightening calmness when anger coursed through his veins. His mother might be dangerous, but the King was lethal.
“Jimin and Yoongi tried to come as soon as they heard, but the royal guard barred their way. They were practically locked in the guest room,” Seokjin remarked as he remembered the looks of both men on the other side of the room. The door was open when Seokjin was crossing the hall and two royal guards were guarding it, as if they were some mercenaries who did not deserve any good treatment. He knew it had been the Queen's order.
Jungkook's beady eyes fell into disbelief when he heard the counselor's words. It must have been his mother's command, he thought rightly as he held back the urge to smash his palm against the walnut wood table.
Away from the fog of anger that had consumed his mind the past few hours, Jungkook took a moment to breathe. He hated what his mother had done, but he knew his friends were fine. But she…
“Did you hear anything on the way here?” Jungkook inquired, and Seokjin promptly knew what he meant.
“Nothing, everything was scattered when I arrived.”
A whiplash of fear and panic surged through Jungkook's chest. Not many times had he felt that kind of terror, the kind he thought he could only feel in his nightmares. And Seokjin knew the Prince must be dying of uncertainty inside, because he didn't bother in the least to disguise the emotions that traveled across his face.
“She should be fine,” the counselor assured him, though his words were an empty promise. “The King may turn out to be more merciful than you think.”
Seokjin didn't know if the King's mercy went that far, but he wanted to convince himself with his own words, for he wouldn't know how broken the already fractured family bond in that Palace would be if the opposite were true.
He didn't have much time to continue rambling when the sound of quickened footsteps began to echo from the hallway. Seokjin broke away from the table and approached the white wall, carved with lines on its columns, arches over the smooth walls, and undulating figures at the births of them.
The large oval doors of dark wood opened wide and the King entered without hesitation, the Queen walking behind him. At that moment, Jungkook didn't want to see them as father and mother. From the looks they were both giving him, the Prince almost felt that he would be the next to have a trial.
When the Queen was standing right in front of Jungkook across the table, the doors closed with a barely audible sound, and the room was taken over by thunderous silence.
“May I ask, what was on your mind?”
Jungkook didn't turn his gaze to the King. It was disrespectful not to look at him when he spoke, he knew it, every villager knew it, more so him being his son. But maybe he wasn't as prepared for that meeting as he thought he was. He didn't want to take the blame for something that wasn't a crime. Because he hadn't hurt anyone. Because…
“Are you talking to me?” the Queen's voice interrupted his train of thought, and he allowed himself at that moment to raise his head.
The King was watching his wife, who had a surprised grimace on her face in contrast to her father's impassive and cold look, the typical and familiar one.
“What were you thinking going out to do all this, Hyori?”
Seokjin didn't hide the astonishment that took over his face when he heard the King call the Queen by her proper name. It shouldn't be something to be missed, but he and Jungkook were used to formalities between the two supreme figures in front of them. That his father decided to set aside his formality to speak to the Queen in such a manner spoke too much of the anger he held in his heart.
“Why are you directing your anger against me? I wasn't the one who caused all this.”
Jungkook watched the Queen's frown, her face contracted in skepticism. She had adopted a defensive posture, truly offended at being the target of the King's anger.
“You were the one who caused all this,” the King nodded with anger rising in the glint in his eyes. “If you hadn't gone out and made all that fuss, we wouldn't be going through all this right now.”
“But what are you talking about?” the Queen exclaimed, and when she raised her voice Jungkook shrank back in his seat. He shot a glance at Seokjin, but it seemed that the counselor was just as confused as he was. “What don't you see that the reason for the fuss is sitting on the other side of the table?”
Jungkook didn't have to turn his head to know that his mother was pointing at him with a furious glare. But the King didn't even spare the Prince a glance when he responded:
“Stop pointing at your son like that,” he mumbled through his teeth, venom surrounding every word.
A sound of disbelief left the Queen, with a stupefied chuckle following her as she approached the King at a slow pace.
“Do you have any idea what your son did? What that woman wanted to do to our family?”
Jungkook gritted his teeth, his hands gathering on the wood of the table.
“And do you have any idea what that theatrics just cost our reputation? I had to meet with the high consorts immediately. They're not very happy with what you did.”
The Queen snorted not believing for a second that she was the one getting all the scolding and yelling and not Jungkook. Seokjin, secretly, wasn't too upset about it.
“Are you defending him?”
It was the King's turn to break through the icy mask, irritability seeping through his gut.
“What Jungkook did was minimal compared to what your show cost us. The high consorts are reconsidering their offers. They don't think it's very good for their public image to do business with a Queen who still does public executions.”
“They are not forbidden in our nation.”
“No,” the King nodded, “but they will be.”
Jungkook didn't disguise the gasp of surprise that left his mouth. Was he really hearing those words from his father…? The Queen spluttered, and the Prince turned to see her face contracted in astonishment… in betrayal.
“What your son and that woman did is unacceptable.”
“What Jungkook did or didn't do is what matters least,” the King mumbled, his glacial eyes roaming over his wife's face that would not leave her stupefaction.
“What are you saying? He was courting-!”
“I don't care,” the King repeated, his words stronger, more concise. “As long as it doesn't affect the Crown, what Jungkook does outside this Palace doesn't matter to me.”
Thunderous silence followed his words. Seokjin watched everyone present with utmost caution from his position. He might be a simple counselor, but he knew some self-defense tactics. Meanwhile, Jungkook was totally speechless. His gaze wandered over his father and then shifted to his mother's stunned look, an expression that hadn't left her since the King began speaking.
“You can't do that. You can't just not care…” the Queen was shaking her head in refusal, refusing to accept the words she heard from her husband's mouth. “You can't turn a blind eye to-”
“I already did,” the King spoke again and Jungkook did not miss the way his eyes averted for less than a second. The way he looked at him, the sad gleam in his eyes. Or well, sad was what he seemed to have seen, because the King's expression changed so quickly that Jungkook might have thought he had imagined it, if not for what he said next, “I already had.”
“What are you talking about?”
The Prince felt a hand squeeze his heart, trying to stifle it, to keep him conscious long enough to survive, but using just enough strength to feel death close. His lips parted as he watched the father who wouldn't look back at him, who was staring harshly at his mother as the only true culprit in this whole mess. No, the problem wasn't that Jungkook was trusting, not that he stopped paying attention, not that he had let his guard down…
“You knew,” Jungkook spoke for the first time. His voice came out slightly hoarse, his beady, disbelieving eyes glinting in the natural sunlight as his father gave him a neutral, dry, emotionless look.
“What?” the Queen's head turned sharply toward her husband, her eyes exaggeratedly wide.
Without looking away from his son, the King spoke, “Did you really think there was anything you could do in the Palace that I wouldn't know about?”
Almost out of sad inertia, with a whiplash of pain in his chest, Jungkook shook his head at the counselor. Seokjin half-opened his lips in surprise, but shook his head in a negative as he felt the deer eyes on him.
“Counselor Kim has nothing to do here,” the King spoke, his gaze still on the Prince.
“Your Majesty-” Seokjin tried to speak, but the King raised a hand in his direction.
“Not now,” his stern gaze was still on Jungkook, but he promptly turned back to stare at the Queen who seemed not to credit what she saw.
“You knew and… you allowed it?” the Queen's voice was barely a whisper, surprise taking all her breath away.
“I told you, she was never a threat to the Crown.”
“She wasn't a threat, she was a gold digger! She wanted all the riches Jungkook could give her!”
The Prince gnashed his teeth. His bite was so hard that it strained his jaw and a slight pain ran through his gums. He wanted his mother to stop talking that way, expressing herself that way, he wanted to say something to her, anything…
“That's what you made it sound like, making all this fuss. Now there's really no way of knowing,” the King replied impassively, though several muscles in his face were already beginning to retract.
“She was going to steal from us,” the Queen exclaimed in utter conviction.
“She was going to do no such thing,” Jungkook blurted out, his hand clenched on the table and the Queen's eyes exorbitant as she turned to see him as he answered her thus. It was an impulse, but he had done it, and though his instinct was to shrink from her gaze, he faced her and continued speaking. “She never tried to take advantage of me. She is a kind, loving, honest and a humble soul. All she wanted for me was happiness.”
The Queen snorted, interrupting him, and his assurance flanked. Jungkook didn't feel he was over, but the King took the floor again:
“You're going to have to apologize to his mother.”
“What?”
“I'm not going to bear such an embarrassment to someone who has provided us with her services.”
“I'm not going to do-”
“You will. And the next time you intend to bring a trial against someone, Counselor Kim will be only too pleased to give you a few lessons in law.”
And with that, the King left the room.
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Is It Over Now? || Kylian Mbappé
Plot: Kylian and y/n have been fighting for so long, she's not even sure she knows what they're fighting for anymore. Angst.
Warnings: toxic relationship
Word count: 3458
Masterlist
y/n
well done on your goal, amour x
will you want dinner when you get home?
i'm making myself some pasta so i'll do extra for you x
do you know what time you'll be home?
i've left some food in the fridge for you x
kylian can you reply please?
i'm worried
it's getting late, where are you?
A deep frown was etched on her face, she stared at her ignored texts, the oldest sent five hours ago and the most recent nearly an hour ago. None of them had received a response and neither had her calls.
She hadn't been able to go to his match today, as she'd already arranged to go out for her friend's birthday in the morning. Kylian hadn't minded though, it wasn't a particularly important match and she rarely missed any of his games, so she could be forgiven for this. Surely that wasn't why he was ignoring her. Well, knowing him at the moment she could easily conclude that there was no reason behind the radio silence. He was just being Kylian.
Dick.
She knew he probably had no reason to ignore her; he was most likely just over at Achraf's and didn't value her emotions enough to dain her with a text back. Still, having been alone in the house for so many hours with only her thoughts to keep her company, she couldn't stop her mind from wandering. It only felt natural to pick up her phone and she really couldn't help herself from opening Instagram. Her thumbs had a mind of their own, opening one of his fan accounts.
Then there he was, grainy footage of him on their story at some club in Paris, surrounded by his teammates. And then there was somebody else. Some girl sat at his side- on his side more really- his arm flopped lazily over the back of the booth behind her.
She was saying something and he was laughing. He was laughing in a way that he never did with y/n anymore. Wow, he was really laughing- surely nothing she said could be that funny.
The video was short, maybe five seconds, but she restarted it, watching it again, feeling a fire raging within her. The next story was a photo that some stranger in the club had taken. The pair were on the dance floor, none of his friends were in sight now. Her hands were up in the air and only now did y/n notice the girl's outfit. She wore a little red dress, just like the one that hung up in y/n and Kylian's shared closet. It was his favourite dress and she knew it.
At the sight, the fire that burned within her suddenly settled, an eery calm setting over her. After a few moments, she headed upstairs and drew a bath, watching the water slowly rise up the tub's sides. She loved that bath; the tub was huge, yet elegant, and sat right in front of a huge window which gave the most amazing view of the Eiffel Tower. Besides that, she and Kylian had spent some memorable nights in this bathtub. Not for a while though, she thought.
Now that she really considered it, she wasn't sure how many good memories she had with Kylian in the last six months. Maybe after three years together, she'd just grown used to the knowledge that she loved him and hadn't considered if he still deserved it. Maybe she hadn't considered if he still deserved her.
Maybe she'd been so caught up in the idea of the perfect man she'd met in that bar three years ago. She still remembered that innocent smile so vividly, the way he'd lift his glass to sip, almost hiding behind the thing. How every time she'd flirt with him, he'd blush like a schoolboy, and then suddenly shoot back with the most outrageous comment.
How a month after they'd started dating, the pandemic hit, and he'd turned up at her door, much to her disapproval. Then, he'd immediately asked her to move in with him. She still remembered his words.
Take a chance. If we're gonna go down, let's go down in flames. I don't wanna forget you, baby.
That aged like room-temperature milk.
He'd convinced her so easily, his charming smile and smooth words always getting the best of her. And he'd been right. Those had been the best few months of her life.
And even after lockdown, when she was back at work and football became more full on, everything had just seemed so right. He just seemed so right.
Every time he'd go away for matches, he'd always find some stupid trinket to bring home for her. The tradition had started the week they'd met, when she'd asked him out on another date and he'd had to turn her down, as he was playing away in Italy. He'd brought her back a little keyring- a pizza with Italia written on it. It was so tacky and so cheesy that she immediately fell in love... with the keyring. Their fridge was still littered with far too many magnets to count, very out of place in his black and white, minimalist kitchen.
Of course, she remembered the first gift, and she remembered the first time he'd forgotten. It was after an away match to Manchester City. An away match that had knocked PSG out of the Champions League- in the semi-finals.
It wasn't that she'd been expecting a gift- no, she completely understood. It was difficult for him; he'd been injured and therefore couldn't play the second leg. He'd had to go all the way to Manchester and didn't even get to kick the ball. He just had to sit on the bench and watch his dream fade before his eyes.
Despite not playing, she knew he blamed himself. He always blamed himself. For the injury. For not scoring in the first leg. For everything.
At the time, she hadn't been upset that he hadn't bought her some shitty magnet for their already cluttered fridge or a bottle opener for their already stuffed drawer. Besides, Manchester didn't have much to offer in the tourism department besides football, so she could forgive him for not wanting to search through shops full of his opponents' memorabilia, just to uphold their tradition.
Looking back on it though, that was the moment he snapped. Three weeks later, he'd returned from Reims empty-handed; when she'd playfully questioned him, asking how she was supposed to sleep at night without an 'I <3 Reims' t-shirt, he'd grunted something about being busy with work and she tried not to let her face fall, wishing he'd have just made some stupid joke in response.
Y/n, I can't afford to keep buying you all these presents.
Honey, nobody hearts Reims.
Well, I had some grapes for you but I got peckish.
But no, he'd just grumbled some excuse and gone up to their room. They'd won the game too. The last match of the season. Sure, they hadn't won the league but that fate had been sealed weeks ago.
Of course, at the time, she hadn't sat up at night, tossing and turning because her relationship was over. She'd understood. For him, she'd understood.
Then, the trinkets began to come every other away match, then once a month, once every few months, and then they stopped coming. The last remnant of their once-sacred tradition still sat on her fridge. He'd brought it back after an unremarkable league tie against Nice. A little magnet in the shape of a palm tree, in the colours of the French flag, with two words on it.
Trés Nice!
What did that even mean? Neither of them were sure. She loved it.
After that, however, the keyrings, and magnets, and bottle openers, and t-shirts, and pens had suddenly stopped. Not trés Nice!
The bath was full, the bubble bath she'd added working a treat. Slowly, she eased herself into the warm water, sighing as she settled back in the tub. She didn't even have her phone but she really didn't care. For what must have been an hour, she stared out the window at the city below her. From his castle, she watched his kingdom, knowing she didn't have a place in it anymore.
She stared at the dark streets they used to haunt, giggling hand in hand as they snook out of their apartment for late-night strolls (though it was always technically morning) down streets that at any other hour would be packed with hundreds of people, pointing at Kylian. Or when they used to go to tourist attractions in the middle of the winter and he'd pull on a balaclava, dragging her up the Eiffel Tower or the Champs Elysees, insisting her liked the thrill. In truth, so did she.
She liked standing hand in hand with him, knowing the crowds around them had no idea Kylian Mbappé was in their midst, and they never would because he was her Kylian. For that moment, at least.
It was late when she heard the door downstairs, the security system blaring loudly. She didn't panic, as it quickly turned off. He didn't say a word on his arrival. She could hear him drawing closer to their bedroom, his feet heavy on the stairs, in the hallway, in their room, approaching the bathroom door.
She thought he'd let his guard down when they first met, telling her his worries and fears, but maybe he only truly knocked down his walls that night in the bathroom months ago, showing his true self.
Maybe she only truly got to know him after Qatar, when he really snapped. When she'd tried to comfort him and he'd yelled at her because she'd never truly understand what he was going through. She'd told him she was sorry. She'd apologised. For what? She still wasn't quite sure.
Maybe she only truly knew Kylian when she'd been struggling at work, doing overtime to catch up on her ridiculous workload at home. She'd missed his match and he'd lost; then, when he returned home and she hadn't been in the mood for kisses and cuddles, he'd been furious. He'd said it was her fault she was stressed- she'd brought it on herself. She could quit her job any day and never worry about money again. She'd tried to explain but he couldn't comprehend her need for self-reliance. If anything, he was insulted that she didn't trust him enough to let him take care of her. He'd never been overly traditional or had an obviously fragile masculinity but that night she'd questioned everything she thought she knew about him.
Of course, he'd apologised the next morning and she'd forgiven him. They were both stressed and there was no reason to let one pressure-fueled spat escalate into more than it needed to. Then those one-off spats became more and more common until they were the norm. If they weren't in silence, they were fighting.
They only found peace when they were fucking. Even that physicality wasn't what it once was, no longer the same slow, gentle love-making. Now it was always quick, desperate, his once soft kisses now left bruises and his whispers of sweet nothings had morphed into wordless grunts and moans.
Is that all this relationship was anymore? Physical.
Light flooded the dimly-lit bathroom, as he swung the door open carelessly. He looked almost taken back at the sight of her, his eyebrows raising a little, as though he hadn't expected to see her here- in her own house.
Then again, maybe it wasn't her house. Sure, she'd lived here for almost as long as they'd been together but it was never really her house. It was Kylian's house in Kylian's city, and she was here too.
He stared at her for a few seconds before smirking, "Hey." he mumbled, already stripping down to join her.
She sunk further down in the tub, allowing the thick layer of bubbles to give her back her modesty. Silently, she watched him, her lips a flat line, her eyes on his face, not his naked body. He wasn't looking back at her. He was too focused on hastily ripping of his trousers and his shirt.
Without hesitation or any more words exchanged, he climbed in the tub and she leant forward as he slipped behind her. She wanted to be held in his arms just one more time, to feel his body against hers. He positioned his legs on either side of her, his arms flopping over her shoulders, as he pulled her back into his chest. Resting his face on her shoulder, he let out a noise, somewhere between a contented hum and a whine.
She ignored him, turning her head to stare out of the window. The city's skyline was dark and at this time, the tower's lights were off. Now, it was just a dark silhouette against a dark horizon, only made visible by the bright light of the full moon.
"What are you sulking about?"
As he spoke, she could smell the alcohol on his breath and she almost wretched at the scent. Her voice was calm and steady, as she asked, "Where have you been?"
Her voice sounded like she had an innocent curiosity in the question as if she didn't already know the answer, or she was merely asking to make small talk.
"Oh, some of the team wanted to go out to celebrate the win."
He didn't lift his head from her shoulder, placing a soft kiss on the damp skin. He lied with such ease. Well, he hadn't entirely lied, just withheld some important elements of the truth. Maybe she'd have preferred it if he'd just lied to her. At least then he would have had to make a conscious effort to deceive her. No, this felt so much worse; he spoke with such ease, as though it was the whole truth, and maybe he too believed it. Maybe he believed that she didn't need to know about the girl in the red dress, just like he'd believed she didn't need a text back, or a kiss goodbye before he left the house this morning, or a goodnight before she fell asleep last night or the night before that or the night before that.
"And who was that girl?" she asked, her voice still chirpy, not a hint of bitterness showing in her tone.
"Huh?" he twisted his head, the side of it on her shoulder, gazing up at her face.
"The girl you were with. She was in a red dress, like the one I have. Blonde hair and-"
"Oh," he cut her off quickly, "she's one of Ousmane's friends, I think."
"You think?"
"Mhm, I don't really know. I didn't speak to her that much."
Now, that wasn't a half-truth, that was simply a lie.
"Oh, okay. Just 'cause you seemed really friendly with her."
He scoffed, lifting his head, his tone suddenly switching, "What, were you stalking me?"
"No, but you didn't reply to my texts and you came home seven hours after the match finished, so I wanted to make sure you weren't dead in some ditch."
"Of course, I wasn't. Can I not have a night out with my friends?"
"Yeah, that's fine but you didn't fucking text me back and the next thing I see you've got some random girl in your lap at the club and you don't even have the courtesy to tell me about it."
"It wasn't like that! Why would I come home and tell my girlfriend that some nobody had been coming onto me in the club?" he snapped.
"Because you were coming onto her too! Don't you think I deserved to be warned that people were going to post pictures of my boyfriend with someone else! It's fucking humiliating!"
She stood up and climbed out of the bath, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. She quickly grabbed her robe from where it hung and wrap it around herself. She sat on the little ottoman in the corner, hugging her arms around herself.
"What are you saying? You know I wouldn't cheat on you!"
He yelled the statement as though it were a fact. Maybe he believed it. He seemed to believe a lot of things. Maybe he just didn't think about her perspective much.
"No, I don't! What reason have you given me to trust you?"
His face fell into an expression of fury, "What are you talking about?"
"I don't know, Kylian!" she almost yelled and almost sighed, somewhere in the middle, "I don't know. What are we even doing this for?"
"You tell me! You're the one picking a fight for no reason!"
"No, not this just... why are we here? We keep fighting and I don't know what for."
He stood up, "What..."
"I'm not happy! You're not happy! What's the point!"
Wrapping a towel around his waist, he rushed over to her, "I'm happy, of course I am!"
"Well, I'm not." she murmured, standing up from the seat and heading for the bathroom door.
"What are you doing, where are you going?" he asked, panic setting over him.
"Away," she muttered, heading to the closet.
"No, you're not." he declared, chasing after her, "Look, baby, I'm sorry, okay?" Ignoring him, she began to change into some joggers and a hoodie. "Y/n, you're not leaving me."
"Why not? All we ever do is fight! There's no point in us being together if we make each other fucking miserable!"
"I told you, you make me happy! You make me happier than anyone else in the world!"
"Why don't you treat me like it then? Why don't you treat me like I'm worth anything? Like I'm a fucking human being!"
He was quiet, watching her as she grabbed a bag and started to toss clothes into it. "Y/n, I love you. I-"
"Do you, though? Really?"
"I do. Look I know I've been busy with work but you know how stressful my job is. I'm trying to be here for you and do my best for the team-"
"No, you're not. I know how hard you work but I have needs too. I can't keep doing this."
She dropped to her knees, zipping up the bag, packed with enough clothes for a few days. He stood in the doorway, blocking her exit as she tried to get her toothbrush from the bathroom.
As she stood in front of him, he took her hands in his, "Please, baby, I'll change. I'll do it for you, I swear."
"It's too late, Ky," she said, shoving past him. He didn't budge, "Kylian, get out of my way."
He clutched her hands as though his life depended on it, placing soft kisses on both of them, "I need you. You can't leave me."
"You should have thought about that before, shouldn't you?"
She shoved him out of the way and grabbed a few things from the bathroom before heading for the front door. He chased after her, his mind racing and his heart pumping a mile a minute in his chest. He swore it was working so hard he could hear his heartbeat in his ears- or was it the sound of her feet on the stairs?
"Y/n," God, her name sounded so right on his lips, he wanted to say her name forevermore, "she meant nothing. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have entertained her like that." Tears were forming in his hazel eyes, he watched her putting on her shoes, "Y/n, you can't leave me, I love you. I- I don't want to live without you. I don't want to be on my own."
"Kylian," she stood up and cupped his cheek. Her hand was so warm and fit so perfectly around his face, as though it was moulded just for it, "you know I'll always love you."
Covering her hand with his own, he shook his head, a single tear rolling down his cheek, "Don't do this to me, amour."
She hated seeing him like this: he barely ever cried. In all of their time together, she'd seen him cry maybe four times and it had never been because of her.
Her soft thumb wiped away the tear, "Don't cry. You'll be okay."
Then she was gone. The door was open and then it was closed. She was there and then she was gone.
He watched the space she'd been stood in for far too long, as though she'd swing the door open at any moment and declare that she'd had a sudden change of heart. But she wouldn't.
She was gone. It was over.
Masterlist
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pancakes for dinner
abby anderson x reader
cw : love confessions , anxiety , hockey!abby , girly!reader (glitter n pink fan) , modern!au
wc : 2.5 (HOW DID IT GET THIS LONG)
a / n : i never meant for this to be so long but i adore a love confession n hockey!abby ,, anyways ! enjoy ! also if you see grammatical issues SQUINT i didnt proofread this !!!
based off of emotions i get from THIS song ,, and some ugly dude being mean to abs on twitter ..
You stared down at the blank sheets of paper, fluffy fountain pen twirling in between your fingers as you let your playlist restart. You had so much to say, that you almost didn’t couldn’t find a way to say it, the itching anxiety pulling at your heart as you glanced at the clock. ‘7:38 PM’. Her flight was landing in a couple hours, you internally kicked yourself for waiting so long, but finally made the first move to start writing.
‘Bee, Abby,
This seems extremely silly right now and I kinda want to throw up at the idea of you actually seeing this’
You let out a sigh, striking out the line before continuing.
‘I need you to know some things, some things I've been meaning to tell you for, well, forever. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and as much as I don't want to risk losing that, I can’t not tell you. I’ve been very clear about my sexuality and you’ve been so supportive of me– but I can't let you set me up with any more of your hockey friends (you’re probably wondering why this is soo important but just keep reading.)
Don’t get me wrong, Nora was a lovely date– opened the car door for me and everything, but it just wasn’t right. I know you and as you’re reading this you’re probably shaking your head and muttering something about ‘you just didn’t give her a chance,’ but just stay with me here.
I have gone on dates and I have tried all the dating apps, I’ve even had my fair share of hookups–
but Abby, I can’t stop thinking about you.
From the day I met you, I think I've always known. You have been all I've wanted and I really understood that this year, I mean seeing you hooking up with all of those girls made me jealous– as stupid as it sounds, and no, It wasn’t because they were prettier than me or something, but it was because they had you.’
Your stomach churned as you halted, taking an unsteady breath, your finger moving to skip the song that had come on– ‘Heather’ by Conan Gray being in bad taste for the moment. You had the urge to rip the paper apart, hiding all evidence of the confession of your love, and nestle into your bunk bed– waiting for the inevitable knock on your door when she arrived back, begging to chat about her travels. Though, you remained still– chewing on the flesh of your lip before forcing yourself to continue.
‘I’m saying this now because I fear, if not now then never. Your absence gave me a chance to figure out my feelings about you without worrying about you accidentally finding out. I needed to overcome my fear of losing you and came to realize that I can't, so writing this all out is seriously freaking me out. ‘
A ringing from your phone made you jump, the music pausing briefly as you checked the caller ID, the air caught in your lungs as you realized who it was. “Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.” You chanted, staring at the little picture of her that accompanied the tense ringing in the now quiet room. ‘Shit!” You huffed, at last, letting your finger swipe across the screen to accept before placing her on speaker.
“Hey!” Her groggy voice rang out, accompanied by the loud bustle of what sounded like a crowd. “Did I wake you up or something?”
You let out a small, confused noise before answering– hand shaking slightly. “No, no. Just doing some work. What about you, you sound like shit.” You teased, taking a deep breath to gain your composure. The last thing you needed was to queue her on to anything, letting her remain clueless for as long as you possibly could.
Abby snorted, rolling her eyes as she pulled her heavy suitcase behind her through the crowds of people. “No, just tired, they managed to get us on an earlier plane at the last minute– I had planned to sleep all day before the flight but surprise, surprise.” She hummed, watching as her team slowly began to disappear out of the double doors. “Anyways, because I'm getting back so early, I wanted to see if you’d be up for a movie tonight.”
You felt time slow down, eyes shooting to the unfinished letter on your desk, you could barely find it in yourself to respond– feeling borderline dizzy at the rapid thumping of your heart, “Y-yeah, that sounds great. What are we watching?” She wasn’t supposed to be back for hours, and now you're getting told that she was already here? That you had to finish your declaration of love, now?!
“I was thinking we could see that new avatar movie, what was it called?”
“Way of water.” You spoke quietly, putting your pen down so hard on the sheet of paper– you were almost sure it was gonna rip. “That sounds great, when will you be here? I need to get ready.” Your pen began scribbling down the rest of your thoughts, handwriting less neat than it had been before. You didn’t know if you cared though, the thought of being caught in the middle of doing this was more mortifying than being articulate.
“Say..” Abby trailed off, pulling up her hoodie sleeve to peer at her watch. 8:20 PM. “Does 8:45 sound good? Airports not far from campus.”
You could’ve choked, forcing yourself to nod– even though she couldn’t see you. “Yeah, perfect. I’ll meet you downstairs, I’m sure you wanna change.”
“Finally, a girl who gets me.” She joked, pushing the double doors open, and glancing around for the team bus. A chill rolled down her spine as she pushed the varsity jacket closed, blocking any more chill. “I've gotta go, I'm getting on the bus– but I’ll see you soon.”
“See you soon!”
You practically threw the pen down, doing a quick once over of the letter before folding it neatly– placing it inside its designated pink envelope. Your heart was racing, making you sweat slightly, as you slid out from your chair. You’d planned this all out so perfectly, yet, here you were– sliding on your crocs as you exited your dorm in an attempt to make this confession as seamless as possible. You were terrified of the possibility of her saying she didn’t feel the same, terrified that she wouldn't want to be friends anymore, terrified that she was still in love with her ex. Just terrified.
The hallway passed in flashes, your mind too preoccupied to take in anything else as you speed walked to her door. It was as it usually was, empty, with the exception that her roommate had drawn a little moth in the corner of the whiteboard next to the number indicator. She was a neat girl, Ellie, but it always confused you at how they’d come to be assigned together– seeing as Abby was majoring in sports medicine and Ellie in physics. You shook the thoughts away, practically beating down the door with how hard you knocked.
A few moments passed and you heard the soft pattering of feet on the carpet before the door swung open, a very disgruntled girl standing before you. “Dude, I literally have an exam tomorrow, what do you want?” She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. From all the times she'd met you, she was used to the intrusion– almost finding it funny how often you came by. “Abby isn’t here.”
You nodded, pushing the envelope forward, watching as she looked at it and then back at you. “Can you put this on her bed? Just leave it there, that's all.” You gushed, glancing at the digital clock on her desk before dropping it into her now outstretched hand. 8:33 PM. “I have to go, so just please make sure she gets it okay?” Your feet were already moving, taking large backward steps into the hall before turning on your heel– leaving a slightly confused, slightly curious Ellie peering down the hall as you disappeared around the corner.
The door to your dorm was still slightly ajar, making it easier for you to slip back in and begin changing out of your – what you’d begun to call – lesbian pajamas. The reason was that they had little hearts in varying shades of pink and orange dotting the fabric. By the time you’d had a chance to even pull on your shoes, It was already pushing 8:40PM– meaning that any second Abby would be passing your dorm to go change and you’d be practically bouncing off the walls with pent-up anxiety.
Abby trudged up the stairwell, making a mental note to email the maintenance guys about the elevator, her suitcase hovering just above to not smack against the concrete. She tossed her braid over her shoulder, using her free hand to push the metal door open, stepping out into the warmth of the hallway. A soft sigh left her mouth as she paused, eyes fluttering to the door that bore your name in glitter peel-and-stick letters, a small smile pulling at her chapped lips– internally debating on stopping to talk to you, but coming to the conclusion that she’d just come back in a couple minutes. It always popped into her mind, upon thinking about you, she practically had to drag herself away from you to get anything done.
As she passed by your door, she heard soft music– particularly a song she’d heard many, many times before. It made her heart skip slightly, upon the realization that you’d actually started listening to the songs she recommended, that being more than a small victory in her books. She glanced up at your whiteboard, it being pretty empty besides the few hearts you’d forgotten to erase from valentines day, before uncapping a marker to leave a tiny drawing of two girl stick figures in the mass of hearts.
You were lying face down on your pillows, biting back the screams that tempted your lips as you waited for the alarm on your phone to sound– the idea of seeing Abby making your stomach twist into uncomfortable knots. The words of ‘Pancakes for Dinner’ by Lizzy Mcalpine permeated your thoughts, making you sigh aloud, she made it seem so easy. Too easy. You just wanted to say all of what you were feeling to her, see her face when she realized, and know instantly whether or not your friendship was over. The waiting made it all so much worse. You sat up, lifting your phone just as the annoying beeping started, making you groan.
The music stopped as you swiped off of the app, pulling yourself up to sit on the edge of your bed– sliding your crocs over the pink fluffy socks you’d slipped on in spite of the dropping temperatures. “You can do this. You can definitely do this.” You whispered, coming to stand before grabbing the dorm keys from your bedside table. You couldn’t back out now, though you desperately wanted to, shuffling out of your room and into the hallway– already missing the comfort of your room.
Ellie had greeted Abby at the door, the realization of the letter finally clicking in her head, an annoying smug grin on her lips. It was beyond confusing for the blonde, giving her an odd look as she let her suitcase fall on the floor in front of her bed. “What is wrong with you?” She finally asked, digging through her drawer, feeling the auburns eyes burning a hole into the back of her head. “You’re being weird, er, weirder than usual.”
“Nothing, nothing. You have, uh, mail.” She coughed, covering a small chuckle, turning back to her computer as she sat down– keeping an eye on the pink envelope sitting perfectly on the dark surface of her bedspread.
Abby knitted her brows together, following the girl's gaze to an envelope she automatically recognized as yours. How did she know? Well, you were the only girl on campus who used pink envelopes and she didn’t think that another could have manifested in the short time she was away. She instantly lost all interest in what she was doing, practically tripping over her bags to get to it. “Did she say what it was about?” She asked, turning the little thing in her hands, noticing the little star sticker you’d used to seal the envelope.
Ellie shook her head, putting her hands up as if to say ‘i dunno’ before looking back down to her work– leaving Abby to tear open the pink paper hastily.
You sat outside on the bench, tapping the toes of your shoe onto the pavement as you waited, jumping at every noise of the door– hoping, praying, that she even came. It had been so long since you’d felt this kind of scared, less schoolgirl more double homicide, as you pondered what could possibly come of this. The best case scenario being she felt the same way, and the worst case scenario was that she hated your guts and went around telling everyone that you were just some weird girl with a crush on her– that wasn’t likely though, seeing as that wasn't Abby. She’d never be so harsh. The reality was that she’d let you down easy, slowly but surely ghosting you in the process. You didn’t know what scared you more, good or bad news.
The loud squeaking of the hinges drove you from your thoughts, making you glance behind you, a strained breath catching in your throat as you saw her– glancing around before she saw you. “Abby, hey,--” You began, standing to meet her in the middle, hands wringing nervously behind you.
The blonde didn’t speak, her hands coming up to cup your cheeks, dipping down to press a needy kiss to your lips. Nothing had ever been so important, the letter being more than enough to send her practically flying out of her dorm to find you, she’d been waiting for the day she’d come to admit her feelings out loud– though as she felt you melt into her, hands now bunched in her jacket, she knew words were unnecessary. You’d been what she wanted this entire time, all the girls and the parties and the one-night stands being in spite of her budding feelings. She’d been trying to get you off her mind, protecting the friendship that meant more than anything to her. Your words flashed through her mind, making her smile slightly against your lips.
You pulled away, taking a much-needed gulp of air, before looking up at the burly woman. The light was blocked out by her head, making a kind of halo around her. She looked beautiful, she always looked beautiful, but this was different. “Abby..” You breathed, eyes meeting her own. “Are you–?”
Abby nodded, using her thumbs to caress the blushed flesh of your cheeks. “I am.”
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NOWAY SO UM, i was thinking of a prompt and then i remembered i haven’t seen this theme on ritsu so…
maybe a fic of knight!ritsu and reader being a princess/prince :3?
i have like two ideas for the fic, you can choose the one you like; the first time they meet or being in a secret relationship
Or maybe mix both 👀… ( /j but if you want oke :3 )
and em that’s all, i like your fics and smau, I’m your biggest fan wuuuu :3
✦ — REWRITE, IGNITE, RESTART.
summary a normal day in a royal highschool, you find yourself seeking warmth of a young knight, despite meeting him for the „first” time.
pairings ritsu sakuma x gender neutral! reader, ft knights <3, prince/ss x knight au!
warnings none!! wee bit of an ever after high au but i just stole the 'royal and rebel' group things for inspo HAHHA
a/n if only.
Right. How cliché. A school that seperates students from their origins.. You would complain, but it's not like you could do anything about it. You've made friends here, anyways.
Students separated into two groups— one's with direct Royal status, and one's far from it— or one's who usually served for them. This sounds scandalous, but it really isn't.
Take your friends for example! Tsukasa Suou, the next heir to his family. Of course he was bound to be famous for it. You were also included in that group— the only child of a queen! Obviously, you were close with Suou.
Hmm, yes. Him and his friend group of Knights. And one princess. You'd be lying if you said you didn't have a small girl crush on Arashi.
— "I have never said that! What on earth are you babbling about?!" You snap out if your thoughts as you hear the young heirs voice from across the school's halls, he seems to be arguing with one of his friends again, your eye twitching from the sudden noise.
You approach the noise, seeing the short ex-king, now bound to be a knight. And the up and coming king, Ah. What an old sight. Tsukasa Suou and Leo Tsukinaga, as always.
"Suo~ I was just kidding! You always take jokes seriously.. You're such a killjoy!" Leo growls at him as Tsukasa closes his eyes, as if bracing for impact. My God, don't they get tired from bickering all day?
You feel fingers hands tap you on your shoulder, you turn around and see Arashi standing in front of you. And thus— you can't hold in your complaint anymore.
"Don't they get tired from arguing all day? I feel like I want to shit myself from how much they do it. It's the fifth time this week and it's Wednesday!" You whine, making the young princess in front of you giggle.
"You'll get used to it soon enough," She teases playfully, as the sight unfolds, Sena ironically joining the argument. You sigh, whilst Arashi shakes her head and changes the topic.
"Anyway, love, have you seen Ritsu?" She asks, as you try to hide the visible blush on your face. "No.. Didn't see him in alchemy classes today, actually." You answer, pouting.
"You miss your husband, don't you?" She laughs at your pout, but somehow still managing to tease you. "Don't even... My own parents don't even know that me and Ritsu know each other." You complain internally.
The princess tilts her head, "Seriously?" She asks in pity, your pout slowly getting more visible, as she takes that as a 'yes'.
The day passes by quickly, you find yourself seeking for the young Knight. As a response— you end up going to his favorite sleeping places.
Haaa..~ the young Sakuma. Always wandering around. No wonder why this guy was distantly related to the Cheshire Cat. He was almost exactly like him.
The sun is almost about to set, the school's yard still looking as beautiful as it's always been. You've usually found Ritsu here when he wasn't in classes, I mean.. Who wouldn't? It's gorgeous.
You feel a hand cover your eyes, a frown plastering your face before a voice perks up. "Guess who?"
What a familiar voice. Wow, who could it be?
"Ritsu. I'll kill you." You scowl at him as the male scoff, removing his hand. "Language," Ritsu warned, before ruffling your hair, messing it up slightly.
"I'm sorry, my prince/ss. Do you want me to give you my lap for your royal nap needs? Want a pillow? A blanket, too?"
Ritsu could not be more sarcastic and teasing if he tried.
"What do you mean, 'Language'? I didn't even swear." A tired groan comes out of your lips as you say that, making him laugh. "What's up? You wanted to find me, no?"
". . . . Nuh uh."
"Hah."
"I'm gonna go back home for summer break. You coming with me?" You ask, raising an eyebrow slightly. Ah. That's what it was.
"So.. To put it in words, you're leaving me?" Ritsu asks, cocking his head to the side, replicating your eyebrow raise. "I literally just asked you if you wanted to stay with me." You huff, turning away from him.
"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah..." He whined, tugging on your hand before you got too far away. As if he already knew you were about to walk away.
"You'll get lost without me. And you'll get into trouble. Don't do that. You're mine, remember?" If anything, Ritsu couldn't stand boredom. He would rather spend his time with his prince/ss than lay around alone and have nothing to do.
"You're usually the one who gets me into trouble." You retort, trying to pull away from his grip, but it was already inevitable.
"... True... true..." He muses, a smirk spreading across his face as he kept his grip on you. "But you love me, remember?"
Ah yes. How could one forget Ritsu's insufferable teasing?
"Unfortunately." A pout plastered on your face, the knight letting out another scoff, shaking his head.
Ritsu gave you a teasing, slightly mocking gasp as he pretended to be offended at such a dry response. "You wound me. Here I am, trying to be a loving, supportive boyfriend, and you're giving me a unfortunately? Where's the 'I love you too?' or the I love you more?'" He groaned dramatically, putting his hand to his forehead.
"You aren't answering my question." Deadpanning, glaring at him as he sighs and caves in. "I can't.." He mutters unexpectedly, making your eyes widen.
That was a rare answer.
The male offers to take you back to your palace, a pout placed on your face the whole way there. Seeing this chance— Ritsu obviously teased you the whole way home.
The sun sets quickly and you're already back, your eye twitching once you hear from your mother to get changed into something proper, as something important came up.
You were now standing, right in the middle of the great hall with your parents, head tilted in confusion.
Until—
"Ah, yes! [Name], my darling," Your mother calls out, before continuing. "We've hired someone new for you— to keep you safe. After what happened before.. I wouldn't even dare to let you out our sight!" She exaggerates, making your head tilt.
"So.. Who's gonna be following me around this time?" You ask, sucking in a sharp breath through your teeth before a smooth voice interrupts you— your eyes widening.
"I'm sorry I'm late. Wouldn't be so much of a knight if I was late to meeting you, now would I?" You freeze as a familiar voice comes from behind you as you quickly turn around, seeing the same black haired male you once saw earlier.
Your dad smiles unknowingly, "Ritsu Sakuma, he's gonna be by your side 24/7, from now on!" You laugh sheepishly, before retorting. "Not in my sleep too, right?"
"Do you want me to?" He hums right next to your ear, making you shiver. "No- I just.."
"Relax, [Name]. Me and your mother will go out for just a short amount of time, so he'll be here to keep you safe for the time being." Your father says— in a rather calm voice. "I can take care of myself.."
"Sure you can."
myunghology: part 2 when hahahah idk bro
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they hurt me so much mom.
they hurt me so much mom.
they hurt me so much mom, that i stopped trying to save myself.
they hurt me so much mom, that i stopped eating food.
they hurt me so much mom, that i stopped all the stuff i loved.
they hurt me so much mom, that i stopped caring about my health.
they hurt me so much mom, that i kept restarting.
isn’t silence an action of violence too? isn’t staying with your own thoughts at night a act of violence? tell me im not insane, tell me that im not going out of my mind.
they hurt me so much mom, that i changed everything about me.
they hurt me so much mom, that i changed the color of my hair.
they hurt me so much mom, that i changed how i acted.
they hurt me so much mom, that i couldn’t sleep for days.
you will never understand the hell i feel inside of my head mom. i wish you knew how much i think of you during the day. i really don’t want to fail you mom. i saw a picture of us and i lost my appetite. I saw those kids and lost my appetite. “i love you.” is a death sentence in my mouth
people are people and sometimes it doesn’t work out. if you don’t feel anything why are you shaking? I don’t want to go back there. I lost myself trying to fit in. I want to run away from these kids.
Fear eats the soul. Fear takes all over my body. I want to live, not just survive.
i want to live. not just survive. that kid you met at the park, you won’t get her back again. im a little soul carrying a corpse. i feel sick when i remember you, how i opened up to you.
I want my time back please. What if i told you what happened that night? i’d bleed to fit in with everyone. I didn’t want to snap at you, it just happened.
They hurt me so much mom, that i stopped smiling.
They hurt me so much mom, that i stopped speaking.
They hurt me so much mom, that i stopped entering class.
But what shall i do, when instead of a heart, this fear is beating in my body? sometimes i shudder from the thought of someone talking to me. why did you finally reach out after i moved on?
Sometimes you have to bleed, to know that your still alive. Stuck between “try harder.” and “why bother?”
I killed a part of me to keep you alive.
They hurt me so much mom, that i stopped feeling safe.
They hurt me so much mom, that i stopped trying to survive.
They hurt me so much mom. They hurt me so much mom.
They hurt me so much mom.
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Life Twist 01 | JJK
⏤banner by the talented and sweet: @archivedkookie ❣
⏤summary ❧ After an enormous loss in your life and breaking a long relationship with your now ex boyfriend, you decided you needed a life twist. So you move into a new country to try restart your life and seek for your happiness. What you weren't expecting was someone like Jungkook entering into your life as soon as you got to Seoul.
⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ jungkook x female reader
⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, 4 years age gap (reader is JK's noona)
⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language
⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ❧ 5k+
⏤ author's note❧ I just wanted to state that this is the first time I write a fic - so bear with me, please 😌 - also just as an FYI, I don't have an specific schedule to update since you know.. adult life hahaha but I'm already working on next chapter. I love this story and I hope you get to love it as much as I do 💜
You were finishing unpacking your clothes when your phone started to ring, you smiled seeing that your screen was flashing with Chris’s name on it. Christian – aka Chris – has been your best friend since you were 15, you met him during your high school years through acquaintances and you clicked immediately.
You both feel like you’re each other’s soulmate but of course only in a platonic way, although a lot of people tend to misinterpret and think that there’s more to your friendship. It’s hard for people to understand that a woman and a man can be just friends without any sexual desires but to be honest at this point of your life you don’t care about what others might think of your relationship with your best friend.
‘Hey y/n, finished unpacking yet?’ asks your best friend with his chirpy tone as soon as you pick up the call
‘Hey Chris, ughhhhh no... still working on it, but I promise I’m making progress, I finished with almost every room of the apartment, I’m cleaning up in my bedroom right now. I think by tomorrow I might have everything in order’ you say while biting your lip and looking at your clothes scattered all over the new assembled bed, I mean... at least it doesn’t look any more like a tornado came through your window
‘I told you I could’ve helped you; you can be so stubborn sometimes’ you hear your friend sigh and although you can’t see him you know he’s shaking his head at you
‘No no…You’ve already helped me enough, if it wasn’t for you, I would never had the balls to move to another country – so take a rest of me, bestie’ And that is totally true, he had helped you with all the immigration bureaucracy, he also basically got your new apartment. While you were still at your native country, he went on apartment hunting and showed you the different options you had through videocalls, gave you tons of tips so you wouldn't miss anything while moving to another country since he had experience in that area. After all, he had moved to Seoul 2 years prior to you.
‘You would’ve done the same for me, we both know that!’ you smile while hearing your friend because you know that’s also true, you both would do anything for each other without hesitating.
He doesn’t give you the chance to respond anything and keeps going: ‘Anyways, I was actually calling you to invite you to a birthday party tonight – it’s Jackson’s birthday, remember I told you about him? He’s that friend that works at my gym. We were talking today, and I might have slipped that you moved to Seoul recently and he told me to invite you, he really wants to meet you’
‘Me? Why would he want to meet me?’ you respond with a surprised tone
‘According to Jackson’s words and I quote: he is really curious to get to know the only girl I’ve retained in my life without sleeping with her’ he says with amusing tone
He cackles when he hears you snorting ‘Wow, now that’s a good way to convince me to go to a birthday party of someone that I don’t even know’
‘It might not be the best invitation but at least is a chance to meet new people and make some friends’ he says that since he knows you struggle when it comes to meeting new people
‘Um..I have friends, I have you’ you respond almost immediately
‘You’re a sweetheart but I’m talking about other people than me, although you know how I love all your attention on me, babe’he says while chuckling because he’s already imagining how you’re rolling your eyes at him after you heard that pet name
‘Oh my god you’re so full of yourself – ughh, okay you’re right, I should get to know new people. New country, new life… new friends I guess’, you say a little insure knowing you’re not the most sociable person in the world but it would be kind of nice to have people to hang out other than Chris
‘And maybe you can get some action too, it’s been what? A year without any proper activity?’ he talks without any filter like he usually does
‘Wha- Okay, I’m hanging up on you. I’m not in the mood to talk about my sex life right now’ you respond acting offended though you both know that you're just teasing each other
‘Or the lack of –’ When Chris hears your gasp he chuckles and says immediately ‘Sorry sorry, just kidding bestie, I’ll pick you up around 9PM, don’t make me wait pleaseeee, byeeeee byeeeeee see ya. I love you’
You can’t even get mad at him for calling you out on your sadly lack of sex, it’s not like he’s wrong. So, you just laugh it off and respond by saying ‘Fuck off - You’re unbelievable. K, don’t worry I’ll be ready when you get here. See u later, love you too”
Once you end your call with Chris, you grab some of the last items left in the moving boxes. You come upon a frame, it's a picture of you and your dad when you were 4 years old on your summer vacations at a swimming pool where he was teaching you how to swim. One of the many things that your dad taught you in life. Your eyes start to feel watery at the sight of your dad's sweet smile and with a deep sigh you give a kiss to the picture. You place the frame on your nightstand and while cleaning a few tears that dropped on your cheeks you can only whisper - "I really hope I'm making you proud dad, I'm finally looking for my happiness ".
°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤
You look at yourself in the mirror, thinking you did a decent work with your make up and cleaned yourself up pretty good after a long day of putting everything in order at your new apartment. You weren't so sure on what to wear for Jackson's birthday party, so you just went for an all-black outfit: leather jacket, mini leather skirt, a Ramones shirt that you love and combat boots.
After looking at your reflection in the mirror one last time, you took a selfie and sent it over to Chris to ask him if you were dressed properly for the occasion, which he replied with: 'You look gorgeous babe, almost too perfect for the occasion! I'll pick you up in about half an hour ;)' – you can’t help but smile at his compliment. You know he's nothing but honest with you, whenever he had to tell you that you looked like shit, he would do it. And of course, it goes both ways.
Your best friend is punctual as always, 9PM sharp he was at your building entry texting you that he was outside your home. Jackson’s place wasn’t that far away from yours, only about 10 minutes on a car drive. While Chris was driving, you chit chatted about your exhausting day, and he told you that this girl – Hani was her name you wanna say? - that he’s been hooking up for the past month asked him the golden question ‘What are we? Where is our relationship going?’ and that’s where Chris decided to put an end to the hooking up. He just doesn’t want anything serious right now and is totally understandable.
From what your friend has told you, Hani got really upset at his response, although to be fare... he did warn her when they started hooking up that he wasn't looking for anything serious, he’s not an asshole that goes around giving false hopes to any girl.
It’s been like this with Chris for a while now, he did had a girlfriend a few years ago and they dated for about 3 years until he found out that she was cheating him with her boss – pretty shitty move if you ask me – she broke his heart and after that he hasn’t been in a serious relationship with anyone, just hook ups until the girl finally gets tired of being just ‘friends with benefits’, that’s how it usually goes.
When you finally arrive at Jackson’s you start to feel slightly nervous, it’s been a while since you got to meet new people and it’s in a total new environment, new country... totally different cultures, a lot to take in. Chris knowing you, holds your hand tightly for a moment and before entering to his friend’s house tells you ‘Don’t worry, he and his friends are all pretty cool people, they’ll love you - now come on, let’s go and start socializing!’. You chuckle at his enthusiasm and as soon as you enter, you’re greeted by Jackson holding a red cup with beer on it.
Jackson smiles at you and your friend and says ‘You’re y/n, right? Wow, you’re even hotter that what I imagined – sorry I don’t mean to be unrespectful, but you know how weird is to see that this guy over here has a female friend and didn’t sleep with her yet? Anyways, it’s so nice to meet you finally, I’m Jackson’ and he immediately gives you a hug which it honestly startled you.
You chuckle and once he’s finished with the hug, you respond ‘I know, it’s always amusing to see how people get surprised that we’re really just best friends. Um, it’s nice to meet you too and happy birthday! Thanks for inviting me over’ you say shily
He keeps smiling at you while he also hugs your best friend (apparently, he’s a hugger) and says ‘Chris’s friends are also my friends, so please make yourself at home – I haven’t invited a lot of people because I actually have a small group of friends, come with me and I’ll introduced them’ and you both follow him to the living room going through a large hall – which by the way, is so freaking beautiful, you can’t stop staring the marble floors and beautiful art works hanging on the walls and you think to yourself how amazing this apartment looks – your thoughts are interrupted by the group of people who’s now in front of you having a discussion about who was the largest hands in the group - though you're not sure you heard right -
And then Jackson speaks getting everyone’s attention ‘Guys, this is y/n, Chris’s best friend – yes, she’s really his friend and she is a woman, I know!! How crazy it sounds, huh? She just moved to Seoul from basically the other side of the world so be nice to her’
One of the guys with a boxy smile says to Jackson ‘Hey! – we are always nothing but nice, she’ll think poorly of us if you say it like that!’ and Jackson just laughs it off and starts to introduce each and one of them. There’s 10 people right in from of you – which to you, it sounds like a lot of friends, you never had more than 3 o 4 friends (one of them always being Chris of course) so 10 sounds like a lot of people – you learn that the guy with the boxy smile is called Taehyung, then there’s Namjoon, Seokjin – though he told you to call him Jin -, Jimin, Yoongi, Hoseok – or Hobi how he introduced himself - , Aria – which you learn is Hobi’s girlfriend -, Joey, Emma – Joey’s girlfriend – , and last but not least Jungkook who smiled you shily and waved his hand to greet you from afar – you almost gasp at how this last guy seemed like he was built by the God’s themselves, you felt like you wanted to look up to the sky and say ‘WOW, well done!’ – to be honest, they were all insanely attractive but there was something that caught your attention straight to Jungkook and you couldn’t quite wrap on your finger what was it.
The night went smoothly, they all seem to be really friendly and made you feel comfortable as if you were one of them already. You spent most of the time hearing their stories about the last trip they went to last year – Hobi’s parents own a lake house in Chuncheon, which you learn is about an hour away from Seoul – and they’re planning to go again in the next month or so – and you’ve been invited to go with them by Hobi himself which you gladly accepted and thanked him for including you even when you just exchanged a few words with him throughout the night.
Your red cup was empty for the third time by now, so you got up and approached to the table were all the drinks were placed and poured yourself some Soju, while you were at it you feel someone approaching you and then a sweet voice sounds saying ‘Are you having a good time so far?’, you look up and realize that is Jungkook who’s now besides you also pouring himself a drink while he smiles at you.
You also smile at him and respond ‘Yes, I really am. Honestly you guys made me feel really comfortable, I tend to be a lot shier when I meet new people, but I don’t feel that way at all with you’
‘I’m glad you feel that way, sometimes these guys can get loud, me myself included, and people look at us like we’re weirdos’ he chuckles and sees you just nodding while you giggle at him and then he continues ‘Mmh, mind if I ask you what made you move in all across the other side of the world? I don’t wanna intrude, I’m just curious’
Although you feel comfortable talking to him, you don’t want to get into much detail... at least not yet, telling your whole story about how after your dad’s passing last year you felt like you needed to work in your happiness because you knew that’s all your dad wanted, for you to be happy. You don’t dwell on how you realized that you needed to break up your 9-year-old relationship with your boyfriend – now ex-boyfriend – because you really didn’t share anything in common anymore, you grew out towards different paths, and neither of you wanted to accept it.
So you go with a simple response while Jungkook watches you attentively with those beautiful doe eyes where you feel like you can get lost so easily : ‘You’re not intruding at all’ – you give him a comforting smile and continue – ‘I always wanted to live somewhere abroad, to have that experience at least once in a lifetime, plus Chris had moved here and he used to say to me how much he loved Seoul and how the people here always treated him so nicely. To be honest, he was a great influence on me moving in here. He’s pretty much like a brother to me so it was easier to decide on moving to another country knowing that he was going to be by my side and I was really missing him back home – though please don’t tell him that I said that, because it will just inflate his ego more’ you both snicker once you’ve finished explaining him part of the reasons why you decided to move to Seoul. Is not like you’re lying but you’re leaving a few big details out of the conversation, maybe some other day you’ll have the opportunity to tell him.
‘Well, I hope you really enjoy being in Seoul, I’m sure I’m enjoying you being here’ he admits shily to you. Your cheeks start to feel like burning and you can’t help but to feel hypnotized by him, God did he have to be this fucking gorgeous?
Before you can respond anything back, Taehyung’s loud voice interrupts the moment that you two were having - ‘Hey you two, what’s with the chit chatting? You better not be talking behind our backs’ while the others laugh because they know he just loves gossiping and wants to be included in any of it.
So, you both just laugh it off while you share a look and go back to the others
About 4AM, the night ended for all of you. Chris was insanely wasted, and you were cursing under your breath because you two got here on Chris’s car and you also had drunk a fairly amount of alcohol and weren’t in the best state to drive yourselves home.
Jackson takes a few steps towards you and your best friend - who almost couldn’t stand on his own feet without swaying – it was quite obvious that Chris wasn’t okay to drive so he offered ‘Do you want me to call an Uber for you? I would drive you myself but I’m a little bit tipsy honestly’ and just when you were about to accept on his offer, another voice interrupts ‘I could drive you both home if you want to, I don’t mind at all and I’m okay to drive’, it was Jungkook that was watching the whole scene of drunk Chris holding himself to you from afar
You felt bad for dragging him along with you and Chris’s drunk ass so you said to him ‘I don’t wanna impose you, we could just call an Uber really’, whilst he came closer to you and helped you lifting Chris from yourself as if he weighted nothing and responded sweetly ‘I’m not taking a no for an answer, and you’re not imposing, I offered myself, come on let’s go’. So, you said your goodbyes from a far to all the other guys that were also getting ready to leave and thanked Jackson for inviting you one more time before finally following Jungkook and Chris over to JK’s car.
After the impossible task of getting Chris’s drunk ass in Jungkook’s car, you went into the passenger seat while you heard your best friend from the back mumbling nonsenses that only he could understand. Jungkook asked where to go and you told him your address, you couldn’t leave your best friend alone in that state so that’s where you headed to.
As soon as he started to drive, Jungkook asked ‘How long have you two met?’ hinting on the drunk man that was now singing - or at least he thought that he was doing that - Jason Derulo ‘Swalla’ while lying in the backseat.
‘Too long if you ask me’ you both start laughing and you continue ‘Mmh, it’s been like...15 years since we met. We went to the same high school but didn’t shared classes together because we were on different programs. One day when we were both at recess, there was this guy who was a senior that kept insisting on me dating him and I would always say no. Until that day it got up to the point that he pushed me against a locker’ - Jungkook’s eyes widened while he was letting you continue your story –‘And afterwards the idiot tried to kiss me even when I was pretty clear saying that I didn’t want anything to do with him. That’s when out of nowhere, Chris grabbed the guy and punched him right on the face and told him to fuck off and leave me alone’, you can’t help but smile remembering how your best friend stud up for you even when he didn’t even know you.
‘Wow, well done Chris! From the very first day you were already protecting y/n’ Jungkook said smiling while checking on your best friend through the rearview mirror
‘Yesssssss, I saved noona from that asshole’ you hear from the backseat
‘Noona?’ Jungkook widened eyes look over to you, ‘Wait, are you older than Chris, y/n?’
‘Yes… well only 3 months older than him, my birthday is in May and Chris’s birthday is in August’ - Now that you think of, he only calls you noona when he’s insanely drunk -
You start remembering how one morning you got up seeing that you had 10 voice messages from your best friend, you got so freaking scared for a moment thinking that something bad had happened.
That was until you started playing all the audios and it was clear that he was wasted while he was sending those audios, some of them you couldn’t even understand what language he was speaking, there was another one where he was singing ‘You’re my best friend! No, I didn't stutter till the day end. Through heaven and high water oooooohhhhhhh, it kills me not to tell you, you're my best friend’ and finally the one where he screamed ‘Noona I love you, you’re my bff’ and that was it.
Seeing JK’s still surprised look, you ask ‘What? You thought I was younger? I don’t know why people tend to think that Chris is older than me but no, we’re both 93 liners’
‘I actually did think you were younger; you certainly look like you’re. I didn’t think that you were my noona too’
That’s when your eyes almost pop out of you head and you say ‘Wait, are you telling me you’re younger than me too? I thought all of you in Jackson’s home were about the same age as us’
‘Yes, noona’ says Jungkook while wiggling his eyebrows to you. ‘I’m a 97 liner’, he laughs at your wide eyes
‘Oh my god you’re a baby’ – you can’t help to think that you were almost salivating because of this Adonis that you’re talking to and now that you learn he’s 4 years younger than you, it somehow feels weird.
You've never felt attraction for a guy younger than you, maybe is the prejudice... You used to notice how guys - not all of them but the majority, at least in your experience - would take more time to mature than girls, so you never dated anyone younger than you, not even someone of your same age. You always aimed for guys older than you.
Although, to be fair, last time you were single you were 19 years old so anyone at that point would be immature probably.
Maybe now that you’re almost 30 it wouldn’t be a bad thing to be open to date younger guys, you could find someone that's younger than you and still have a good time, right?
‘Don’t call me a baby, please’ you notice how Jungkook’s tone changed to a serious one
‘Sorry, I promise I won’t call you like that again’- you can't help snickering seeing how serious he got just because you called him a baby - ‘It’s just that you surprised me, maybe it’s because you’re all muscle and give such a masculine vibe that I thought that you were pretty much the same age as me’
– Oh for fucks sake, that freaking Soju made your tongue start to loosen up, you start panicking once you have finished the last sentence because you realize that you said everything you were thinking out loud, you shouldn’t drink when there’s a guy this hot near you –
You feel Jungkook’s burning gaze and as soon as you look at him you see him smirking at you. Then he opens that beautiful mouth he has and says ‘So…you think I’m pretty masculine, noona?’
‘Isn’t that what I just said?’ you mumble, not even knowing how to divert the conversation because you’re about to pee yourself, he’s so gorgeous you feel like you’ll start stuttering any time soon if he keeps looking at you with those doe eyes
Before he could open again his mouth and make you blush again, you see your building entry and you almost scream interrupting him ‘We’re here!!’
Fuck, why am I getting this nervous around him? I feel like a teenager. Jeez, you must keep it together y/n! - you think to yourself -
He then stops the car, and you open the door getting out not even waiting a second because you were starting to panic in there. You feel like the Soju has taken all your filters down and you could say almost anything to Jungkook. You just met the guy, you can't start telling him how hot he looks with those cargo pants or how insanely good that sleeve of tatts looks on him…God, maybe it’s just that it’s been so long since you had sex, yes... yes, it must be that!! That explains why you’re just a horny mess.
Jungkook gets out of the car quickly after you and waves you off when he sees you trying to get Chris out of the car, who by the way, is totally passed out by now and once again Jungkook lifts him up like a bag of potatoes and lets you guide him towards your apartment.
The wait for the elevator almost felt eternal but once it arrived you pushed the 7th floor button while you feel JK’s burning gaze on you but neither of you said anything. Once you got to your floor, you quickly open your apartment door because poor JK has been putting up with Chris’s weight for a while.
You guide him through your living room and tell him to drop Chris on the sofa while you place a bucket right next to him in case he wants to throw up at any point. You feel relieved that you finished cleaning up your apartment earlier since you see JK already analyzing everything around the apartment while he says ‘Nice place’ then his doe eyes set on one special picture on your desk next to your laptop while you’re putting a pillow under Chris’s head ‘Who’s this in the picture? Your dad? You look so much like him’
You freeze for a second and respond shortly ‘Yes, that’s my dad’ while you come close to where he is standing watching the photograph, he says ‘You have a tight relationship with him, huh?’
‘Yeah, I did’ you say almost whispering with an unexpected sad tone. JK's eyes widen and realizes that you used the past to refer to your dad and starts cursing himself in his mind for his big mouth ‘I’m so so sorry y/n, I’m such an idiot If I kne- ‘
‘Hey’ - you interrupt and put a hand on his shoulder to make him understand that he didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re not upset at him at all - ‘There’s nothing to be sorry for, how would you know? Besides, it’s not like I can’t talk about it, it’s a sensitive topic for me… yes but it is what it is’ – he looks at you with a look that you got used to see on other people every time they found out that your dad passed away, it’s maybe pity? – ‘He passed away from bones cancer last year, such a fucking painful disease... you see how your loved ones are shutting down little by little while you can’t do anything to help them. We were really close to each other and we used to talk every single day. Even though I miss him like crazy, I know he’s not suffering anymore, and I held his hand until his very last breath. He was a great person but even more a greater dad and I’m proud to be able to say that I’m his daughter’ once you finish saying that you look down and take a deep breath because you know you’re about to cry – well, so long to not sharing your sad stories on the first day of meeting him
And then JK turns you to him and hugs you tightly while saying ‘The ones we love are always in our hearts’ then he grabs you by your cheeks and makes you look at him straight in his eyes while he cleans some of the tears in your face ‘I’m sure your dad is by your side all the time’
You nod at him, and you start to feel like an idiot crying in front of someone you met today, that’s not you – even Chris who was met you for 15 years only saw you crying two times, so you say ‘I’m sorry I’m such a cry baby, I always get really sensitive talking about my dad’
‘Now who’s the one apologizing for no reason noona, huh?’
You both share a look and start laughing while he’s still cupping your face. That’s when you both realize that you’re standing insanely close to each other’s faces, you clear your throat and JK’s hands leave your face. You swear you saw him blushing, but you don’t comment on that. In fact, you don’t say anything at all because you’re spacing out thinking how close you were from each other just moments ago.
You got back to earth once you listen to him saying ‘Um, so… do you need help with anything else? If not, I think I’ll head home, it’s been a long night’
‘It’s been a long night indeed’ you said smiling at him ‘but no, you already helped a lot, this moron is already sleeping so I’m just gonna have a nice long shower and head to bed’
You walk him to your door and meanwhile you’re debating in your mind whether you should ask him his cellphone or not. You feel like you’ll look desperate but since when do you care what people thinks about you? Ughhhhhh your mind is driving you crazy right now
So before saying your goodbyes, you settle on saying ‘Thanks for driving us here and for dragging Chris to the sofa, that was very sweet of you’
He smiles with that pair of lips that could knock someone over in a second and says ‘No worries, I’m glad that I helped. I had a great night being by your side. Sweet dreams, noona’ and he waves goodbye to you while heading to the elevator.
You feel like you’re about to melt thinking how sweet his voice sounds and before closing the door you hear him calling your name once again
‘Yeah?’ you manage to mumble
‘I was wondering if you could give me your cellphone number?’
‘Sure’ – and you can’t help feeling like a thousand butterflies were freed on your belly
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