alimaybankkk

[alimaybankkk]

curious if anyone would read ethan landry x reader?? 🤨🤨🤨

[alimaybankkk]

oh. my. gosh.

paper hearts | jj maybank x carrera!reader

part two

Summary: JJ tries everything in his power to show that you’re the one he wants, not willing to accept that your heart might be too broken to fix.

Word Count: 13.4k

Warnings: 18+ content, drinking, angst, slapping, smoking, verbal altercation, physical fight, allusions to sex

“Do you know why she’s acting so weird?”

JJ doesn’t even register that the question is being aimed at him, too focused on watching you walk into the Chateau. He prays that Kie can just play it off, him not caring how, as long as you didn’t come back out of the house hating his guts.

He knew he messed up when he said that he’s always liked you, but he just got nervous with the constant questioning. He wasn’t lying, looking back he can see he always felt something for you, he just wrote it off as you two being close.

Besides, you came along to the group after his crush on Kiara was already established, so he was still focused on that and wasn’t focused on anyone else. It was a blessing in disguise for Kie to turn him down, because being with you was the best thing that’s ever happened to him.

He meant to tell you. But the longer you dated, the less it seemed to matter. The crush on Kiara was nothing more than that - a crush. How he felt about you was in a completely different ball park. Eventually, it was easy to forget it even happened.

He loves you. Not anyone else.

He’s in the middle of begging Kie in his head to not say anything when he feels a tap on his foot. Pope kicked him from where he was sitting, and when JJ turned to look at him, he was wearing a bewildered look, “Okay, why are you acting so fucking weird?”

He sighs, shaking his head and opening his mouth to answer when the sound of the screen door slamming open and shut caught his attention.

He looks over, concerned when he sees you looking back at him with an odd expression. Were you crying? He sits up, a gut feeling that the worst case scenario happened. Kiara and Sarah follow you out of the house, but you ignore them and continue to walk. Fuck.

JJ hops up instantly and starts running towards you. He can hear the guys get up and start to follow, but his attention is completely on you. He catches up to you, grabbing your arm, “Baby.. let me explain-”

He feels your palm meet his cheek, the sting of the slap evident when he turns back to you. But he still didn’t let you go. He can’t let you go. Based on his experience, if you walk away, chances are you’re not coming back.

He begs you, but you yank your arm away as you back up from him and he feels like the ground is gonna swallow him whole.

"Don't ever talk to me again."

JJ feels like he's gonna be sick, trying to get closer to you as he just tries to explain. If he just talked to you, he could let you know that it's you he loves. He tries again, the lump that started forming catching in his throat, "I don't know what you heard but-"

"I heard about you having sex with me to get over your rejection from my sister," You seethe, and JJ has to stop himself from letting the tears fall. He knew he didn't have a right to be crying right now, he hurt you. All he wants to do right now is just stop you from leaving.

You begin to walk away, but JJ is quick to follow. He starts to tell you that it doesn't matter now because that was just a stupid crush that he thought was more. He wanted to apologize for how he went about it, but also wanted to tell you that he's glad it happened because it led him to you.

You whip around, walking towards him with anger laced on your features. JJ flinches back at the venom in your words, "Doesn't matter?"

He's about to say something, but your next words break him, "If she would have said yes, you would never have looked my way."

He watches as your lip trembles, devastation coming across you, "You never looked my way. I was just the one you settled for when you couldn't get what you really wanted."

For the first time since you came outside, JJ felt angry at your words. How could you think you were something to settle for? You were everything.

"I did not settle for you-" Slap.

His head snaps to the side once again as you tell him not to lie to you.

"You've done that enough these last few months."

He hears you tell him to leave you alone, the words clouded in his ears because his mind is starting to race. How can he explain to you that he hasn't been lying? He knew he fucked up not telling you his true intentions the first night you had sex, but everything after that - him pursuing you and asking you to be his girlfriend - that was because he wanted to.

He didn't have feelings for Kiara when he asked you out, he made sure of it because he wanted to go into the relationship knowing you were it for him. And you made it so easy. He curses at himself. How could he have feelings for Kie when you were right there?

Why did he have to be so stupid? Him and Kie didn't make sense, and deep down he's always known that. But you and him have always made sense, even on a friendship level. You understood him better than anyone else, and being in your presence was always enough to lift his mood.

"Both of you."

Your words snap him back into reality, and he looks at you to see you looking at Kiara. You walk away, and JJ has to fight the urge to follow you. Sarah walks after you, and for that JJ is grateful. Even if you don't want to be around him, he doesn't want you to be alone.

You just need space. He'll explain everything after you just get space, and it'll be okay.

It'll be okay. It'll be okay.

JJ tried to repeat the mantra in his head, but he couldn't help but feel like this was it. He could tell you he loved you all he wanted, but he can't take back what he did.

He grips his hair in his hands, pacing around before kicking at the Twinkie, "Fuck!"

"What the absolute fuck is going on?" John B exclaims, and he walks over to JJ and grabs his shoulder to force the blonde to look at him, "JJ."

"Is what she said true?" Pope interjects, looking at Kiara while John B focuses on JJ. When he sees the guilty look, he sighs disappointedly and shakes his head, "Jesus, Jayj."

JJ looks over to where Kiara is standing, reflecting the same expression. He can't help the anger that builds up inside his chest as he looks at your sister. All he could think was that you went in the house fine, and came out hating him.

"What did you tell her?" He asked, not even recognizing his own voice. "What did you say?"

He walks towards her, Kiara meeting him halfway as she defends herself. Pope and John B grabbed at them, but they couldn’t stop something that was a long time coming.

"I didn't say anything! She overheard me talking to Sarah-"

"Why were you talking to Sarah about it?" JJ couldn't help but yell. He needs someone else to blame right now. He knows it’s on him, but Kiara is just as at fault as he is. It's been months, and now she chooses to say something?

"Because it's been eating me up inside JJ!" Kiara screams, and Pope comes up to hold her back. She glares at JJ, resentment radiating off the both of them as JJ stares back. "You don't get to blame me. This is all your fault! If you didn't spout some bullshit about always liking her-"

"It wasn't bullshit!" His arm waves as he cuts her off. He's so overwhelmed that he can't even think straight. "I know I fucked up, but being with her showed me that I never felt anything for you that was even a fraction of what I feel for her."

"Then why did you-"

"Because I was fucking stupid!"

He takes a breath, trying to level his anger. As much as he wants to blame Kiara, he knows her words rang true. This was all his fault. He looks at Kie dejectedly.

"We... we agreed to not say anything," He mumbled to her, "because it didn't matter anymore. We didn't matter. She's.. she's all that matters."

•••

You feel like you couldn't breathe, the walls of Sarah's room closing in on you as you laid in fetal position on her bed, sobbing.

"Y/N.. I need you to breathe, okay?" Sarah's attempts were pointless, everything that happened not even an hour ago just overwhelming you. You couldn't even pinpoint what emotion you were feeling right now, just a mixture of all.

Anger. Sadness. Betrayal. Heartbreak. Disgust.

You could take your pick, but they all just combined into this overall feeling of pain. You felt like you were in physical pain, like if you even tried to stand you would collapse to the floor. Sarah basically had to carry you halfway through your walk, your knees growing weak at the thought of JJ and Kiara.

Of your boyfriend and your sister.

Everything about your relationship was a lie. He only pursued you to help his ego. Or even worse, to get back at Kiara.

Why would he continue with you? You made it clear on multiple occasions that the sex didn't have to go anywhere. You gave him multiple opportunities to pull out. But he fooled you with his charming smile and sweet baby blue eyes, making you think he was with you because he wanted to be.

But he never did.

Sarah sits you up, pulling you into her side and rubbing up and down your back, “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

You shake your head, “How could they?”

“I..” Sarah loses the words, not even wrapping her own head around tonight’s events. “I don’t know.”

“He never loved me,” Your voice breaks, and you break into another round of sobs. “He doesn’t love me. You can’t love someone and do that to them.”

Sarah sits with you until your breaths even out, rocking you back and forth. It’s been a couple of hours, and she pulls away to look at you, speaking in a soft tone, “Are you ready to talk?”

“What’s there to even say?” You sniffle, pulling out of her embrace so you can lean against the headboard. You can hear your phone buzzing from its place on the bed, but ignore it thinking it’s one of them. “He lied. They both lied to my face for months.”

“From what Kiara told me..” Sarah treaded carefully, not wanting to upset you again now that you’ve finally calmed down. “JJ said he truly did have feelings for you. I don’t think he dated you just to get back at Kie.”

“I don’t care,” You instantly respond. “He knew how I felt about him. I was just a placeholder for him because Kiara didn’t want him.”

Sarah opens her mouth to say something, but the buzzing of your phone cuts her off. She sits there for a few moments to see if you’ll check it, and when you don’t she speaks up again.

“… Maybe you should talk to him,” At your glare, she quickly added, “Not until you’re ready, of course. But you deserve to have answers. And closure.”

“No,” You shake your head, “I don’t even want to look at him ever again.”

When yet another buzz comes from your phone, you groan loudly and flip it over, seeing three missed calls and ten texts from your mother. You also notice some messages from John B and Pope. None from JJ. None from Kiara.

You scoff. Of course they didn’t. You wouldn’t have answered anyways, but in your head this was just confirmation that JJ didn’t even care enough to try. You go to your message thread with your mom, rolling your eyes when you see the text telling you to come home.

“Just ask to spend the night here.”

You sniffle, wiping your eyes and taking some breaths, “No, if she’s blowing up my phone like this it’s because she wants me home. It’s fine.. I’ll be fine.”

You hold back the rush of tears trying to make their way through when you think that no, you won’t be fine. This is something that you don’t know if you’ll ever be okay with, and that scares you.

Before JJ was anything he was your friend. And Kiara was your sister. The thought of never being able to look at them the same is enough to crush you.

Sarah waits as you gather yourself, going to Rafe’s room and asking him to drive you guys to your house. He begrudgingly agrees to, looking at you but not saying anything about your appearance. You don’t really care how you look to him, not ever really being around him voluntarily.

When they drop you off, you wave bye to Sarah and give a quick thanks to Rafe, who just tips his head at you in response. Making your way up the stairs leading to the porch, you open the front door and see your Mom and Kiara sitting on the couch.

Kiara is crying, and your Mom is rubbing her back before they both look at you. You look at your sister up and down, before heading towards the stairs and damn near bolting to your room. You hear Kiara’s footsteps behind you, and curse to the high heavens when she’s able to catch up to you.

Kiara felt like the worst person in the world.

All that she could do was replay the image of your heartbroken face in her head, grimacing whenever she thought of the disgust on your face when you looked at her before you left the Chateau.

JJ ended up walking back into the house, not saying anything after their argument. She went to her house afterwards, wanting to see if maybe she could get you to talk to her. She had to let you know that she didn’t intentionally hurt you, if anything she was trying to do the opposite.

When she got there, she immediately went up the stairs to see if you were in your room, but the open door was indication enough that you weren’t. She called your name throughout the house, running back down the stairs when she was stopped by her mom.

“Kiara…?” Her mom grabbed her arm, lightly turning to Kie to face her as she wore a concerned expression. “What’s wrong? Where’s Y/N?”

Unable to hold back, the events of the night and guilt becoming overwhelming at this point, Kiara breaks down as she hugs her mom, “I screwed up, Mom.”

You didn’t come home until a few hours later, and Kiara knew it was only because your mom had been blowing up your phone. She’d told your mom everything, it all just came out in waves as she could no longer hold it back. There was no point.

When you came in the front door, you saw her and immediately bolted for the stairs. Kiara followed and was grateful that she was able to catch up, blocking your bedroom door. You glared at her, “Move, Kiara.”

“No,” Kiara argues, keeping her voice firm. “Not until you talk to me.”

“Like how you talked to me?” You bit back sarcastically, eyes holding so much anger as you looked at her. “That’s right, you didn’t. Just lied to my face for half a year.”

“I’m sorry,” Kiara stressed, voice cracking. “I thought I was doing the right thing. You were so happy and you’re my sister-”

“Don’t,” You cut her off. “Don’t call me your sister like you’ve done anything to act like mine.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Kiara whispered as she looked at you, and you chuckled dryly.

“Well, you did,” You force her out of your way, moving into your room. You begin to shut it, but stop and look at Kiara. Kie’s heart broke at the same expression of betrayal etched across your face. “You’re supposed to be the one who.. protects me. I would h-have.. I would’ve never done this to you.”

•••

Three days.

It's been three days since you've been a member of society, opting to say holed up in your room. The only person you talked to was Sarah, and even she was lucky to get a text back. You felt numb at this point, as if you cried all of your tears out and was only able to just lay in bed and look at the wall.

Every attempt Kiara made to talk to you went ignored. You blocked JJ the same night you came home, so even if he did text you, you wouldn't get it. You were in limbo.

Your mom tried to talk to you about it, but you didn't want to hear any of it. She was going to stay neutral, which is the same thing Sarah tried to do. You didn't want to hear their side, you didn't care how much they didn't mean to hurt you. All that mattered was that they did.

They both had ample opportunities to just tell you the truth. Maybe it would've made a difference, maybe not. But it was better than continuing to lie to you. You felt absolutely stupid. While you were gushing over your boyfriend, the two most important people to you were holding something from you.

You didn't know what to do. You couldn't eat, you couldn't sleep, you could barely fucking breathe. And as embarrassing as it was, you couldn't stop the thoughts that you just wanted JJ here to comfort you. He's been your rock since before you even dated, but how can he be the one to comfort you when he was the one to cause your pain?

Your mom forced you to take a shower that night, saying that if you looked better or felt more refreshed it would spread to how you feel on the inside. You wanted to scream at her that a shower wasn't gonna fix anything, but you knew she meant well so you just did it.

It was not even five minutes long, you didn't have any motivation besides just standing in there and using the wall to hold you up as you cried. It didn't make you feel any better. If anything you were just sad and wet. When you came back into your room, you went into your drawer to pick out some pajamas, rummaging through until your eyes settled on a very familiar red cut out shirt.

Your breath hitches, and you pull the shirt out. You didn't even know he left it there. It was something he would do randomly, putting shirts in your drawers without saying anything because he knew you liked wearing them to sleep. They always smelled like him - like the beach mixed with his cologne and a little touch of weed.

You brought it up to, sniffing it and holding back the tears that started to form in your eyes. Part of you wanted to burn it. But you couldn't stop the part of you that led to you putting the shirt on, turning off your bedside lamp and laying down, curling up in his scent.

You felt pathetic about the fact that you fell asleep instantly.

JJ had to put extra effort in to not fall on his ass out of the tree, the liquor in his system making it difficult. He’d only had a couple of beers, needing it to work through his nerves. He tried to follow your dad's advice and stay away but he was going crazy not talking to you.

“Hey, Mr. Carrera,” JJ greets the older man as he opens the front door of your house. He smiles, it not reaching his eyes as he hopes today is different from the others. “Is she here?”

He knows he doesn’t have to say who, your dad already knows. Mr. Carrera wears an even expression, no longer looking at JJ like he wanted to punch him which JJ was grateful for. The first time he came here he was pretty sure your dad would’ve killed him on the spot had your mom not held him back and sent JJ away.

“No, JJ. She’s not.”

It’s an obvious lie. JJ already went to the Wreck and the beach, the only two other places you spend a lot of time at. He knows you’re here, but the thought that you don’t want to see him just adds to the weight in his chest.

He’d been coming to your house at least twice a day for the last three days. He knew his attempts were futile, you made it very clear to him the day you left the Chateau you didn’t want anything to do with him. If the undelivered messages to your phone weren’t proof enough. But he couldn’t just let you go.

He nods lightly, stuffing his hands in his pocket, “Okay. Can you just… tell her I stopped by?”

Your dad looks him up and down, only nodding once he takes in how disheveled the blonde looks. JJ walks off the porch and down the stairs, about to get on his bike when your dad calls his name.

He turns around, hopeful at first but that quickly ends at the expression your dad wore. He was looking at JJ with contempt but also pity. His lips go in a straight line before he breaks JJ with his next words.

“Don’t come back, alright? She doesn’t want to see you.”

But the thought of you hating him without hearing his side, without hearing how much he loves you and how sorry he is, makes him want to drink himself into a hole. He needed to at least see you. So he decided to come back that night.

He knocks on the window to your bedroom, growing hopeful when you turn on the lamp beside your bed, light illuminating through the curtains. He waits as you walk over, losing all ability to breathe when you opens the curtains.

Your face was puffed up, obviously from what seemed like hours if not days of crying. JJ crumbles at the thought that he did this to you. Your hair was pulled up into a messy bun, and his heart clenched when he noticed you were wearing one of the shirts he left at your house.

In your state, JJ couldn’t help but think to himself how you still managed to look absolutely beautiful. It’s the first time he’s seen you since that day, and he wishes he could just freeze time so he could look at you.

If he’d known a couple of days ago that it would probably be the last time he saw you, he would’ve taken more time to admire you, to sculpt your features and kiss all over your face because it never failed to make you laugh.

He watches as your eyes light up for a second when you notice it’s him at your window, the light quickly diminishing the longer you guys stare back at each other. You scan JJ’s face, and JJ wishes he didn’t look like absolute shit right now.

“Baby,” The nickname slips from his lips. He hasn’t called you anything else for months, your name foreign on his tongue. “Please let me in.”

You continue staring at him, the lingering gaze making JJ hopeful that you would just let him in. But then your face goes blank, and you shut the curtains on him. JJ’s frozen, not able to move as the light from your room goes out.

•••

JJ felt like absolute shit.

He groaned as he flushed the toilet, attempting to stand but instantly going back to his position of being crouched on the floor. The alcohol in his system made the room spin, and he felt himself getting nauseous at the thought of how much he drank.

That’s all he’s been able to do lately. It’s been two weeks since that night at your window, every attempt to get near you failing. He knew you weren't talking to John B and Pope. Even if they weren't busy keeping him on a leash, they would have told him if you did and he knew that's exactly why you haven't.

He's tried with Sarah, but always gets the same response.

All he does is say your name, but Sarah knows what he’s going to ask. She shakes her head in response, a small but sympathetic smile coming over her as she looks at the other blonde.

“I’m sorry, Jayj. She made me promise…”

He would just nod in understanding, not wanting her to break that promise. You needed someone to talk to, and as much as it killed him that he couldn't be the one to comfort you, he's content with the fact that at least you're not dealing with this alone.

He even tried to get to you through Kie. He knew it was useless, the two of barely spoken besides the pity parties they would have because you weren’t talking to them. But when John B told him you had started talking to her again, he couldn’t stop himself.

“Please, Kie,” JJ pleaded. “If she’s willing to forgive you then maybe-”

“No, Jayj,” Kie refused, shaking her head. “I just got her to even barely start talking to me again. I’m not messing that up.”

Finally getting the will to stand, JJ stumbles out of the bathroom and to the living room. Plopping himself on the couch, he begins rolling a joint.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

JJ hasn’t even taken note of John B in the kitchen, so caught up in his own world. He looks up from the paper, seeing John B looking at him with his eyebrows raised.

“Nope.”

“J..” Pope starts from his place on the couch. He leans forward on his elbows as he gives JJ a cautious look. “Maybe it’s time for you to..”

The glare on JJ’s face when he looked over was enough for Pope to swallow the words 'move on' instantly. He sighs, choosing his next words wisely. JJ has been on edge ever since that day, blowing up at the drop of a hat. And him being drunk did nothing to help that.

“At least sober up. You’re not gonna be able to get Y/N to talk to if you’re drunk out of your ass.”

John B tried to keep his tone encouraging, wanting to get through to the blonde in some way. But JJ just shakes his head and finishes rolling.

“She’s not gonna talk to me,” he mumbles, licking the paper to seal it. He gets up, walking to the front door when John B calls behind him.

“And getting drunk is gonna change that?”

“I can’t do anything else, John B!” JJ kicks the box filled with empty beer cans across the room, looking back at the brunette who didn’t even flinch at his anger. He’d grown used to it by now.

JJ knows he shouldn’t expect anything less. He’d hurt you in the worst way. Used you to get over your sister. It makes sense for you to hate him. The thought of you hating him was enough for JJ’s breath to start picking up, and he clutches his chest as he feels a panic attack coming.

He did this. He chokes out, “She’s never gonna talk to me again.”

Pope comes over to him. JJ holds his hand out to stop him, not wanting the affection. He didn’t deserve to be comforted right now. Pope ignores the blonde’s hand, pushing it away and hugging him, but JJ makes no movement to reciprocate.

•••

Two weeks.

It's been two weeks since your whole world flipped, and you’re just beginning to feel more like yourself again. Well, at the very least you don’t feel like spending days in your bed. You’d been spending most of your time at Sarah’s house, your parents not forcing you to work your shifts at the Wreck due to the fact that the Pogues eat there, you not wanting to chance running into JJ.

Apparently he’d been showing up there everyday, sometimes sober and other times drunk. When your mom tried to talk to you about it, you shut the conversation down immediately. You still can’t bring yourself to think about the blonde for too long, but you decided to just take it one step at a time.

You just finished parking an overnight bag, planning to spend the weekend with Sarah. She’s been an absolute saint the last couple of weeks, being there for you through it all. She still goes to the Chateau and hangs out with the Pogues, but every few days you guys make plans.

“It’ll help you get back out there,” The blonde stated over the phone. “You can’t just stay holed up forever. You don’t deserve that.”

So, you planned on going to her house when she texted you she was back from hanging out with John B that day.

You grabbed your phone once you double checked that you had everything, running down the stairs. Kiara was sitting on the couch, looking up from her phone when she heard you coming down the stairs. She smiles at you, “You ready?”

You nod, giving her a soft smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, but your sister takes what she can get from you. You haven’t fully forgiven her, but when you live with someone it’s hard to ignore them forever. She had caught you a few days ago and wouldn’t leave until you at least had a conversation.

The vibes in the Carrera house was tense to say the very least, you refusing to eat at the dinner table with Kiara. It’s not like you had much of an appetite anyway, so you would stay in your room and instead go down for a midnight snack.

That lasted for about a week, but your parents met you halfway and put a table tray next to your room as long as you just promised to eat something. On this day, you could smell your dad’s gumbo all the way upstairs, not being able to ignore the grumbling of your stomach.

You heard the knock, which was your mom’s signal that she put the food next to your door. Getting up instantly, you run to your bedroom door and open it only to halt your movements when you see Kiara looking back at you, holding the bowl of gumbo and giving you a sheepish expression.

“I bring gumbo in peace,” She sadly sings, and you roll your eyes as you attempt to close the door. She stops it with her foot, looking at you pleadingly, “Please Y/N. Five minutes.”

You get ready to tell her to fuck off, when the sound of your stomach growling made your mouth shut. Opening your door more, you held out your hand and looked at her blankly, your sister putting the bowl in your hands but also using the opening to make her way in the room.

“Five minutes.”

It’s all you say to her as you walk to your desk, sitting down and immediately going to town. You eat for a few, looking over at Kiara who is shuffling awkwardly in her position in the middle of your room. You roll your eyes.

“You can sit on the bed. Down to four.”

She sits down, instantly going off on a tangent.

“First, I just wanna say that I’m sorry. I can’t put into words how sorry I am but I’m so, so sorry for hurting you. I knew I should’ve told you what happened with JJ the minute I found out you two were together-”

You cut her off, not eating anymore as you look at her, “Why didn’t you?”

“I wanted to! I knew how you felt about him and I was so angry at JJ for what he did. But he said that he was starting to like you and you were… Y/N you were glowing when you guys started dating. I’ve never seen you that happy and I didn’t want to ruin that. After a while, it was easy for us to forget it even happened.”

You scoff at that, bitterness coming over you, “I’m so happy that you guys were able to forget.”

“I’m not making excuses, I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I love you,” She states, and you move your gaze from her to your desk. She gets up from the bed, kneeling in front of you as she grabs your hands.

You look at her, tears reflecting her own as she continues, “You’re my sister. And I know I didn’t act like yours, but I’ll never make that mistake again. Not being able to talk to you - you hating me - has been the worst thing and I will never do anything to break your trust again.”

You’re quiet for a few, not pulling your hands away from her.

“I don’t hate you..” You trail off, eyes shifting from her back to the desk, “I just… couldn’t believe that you would keep something so big from me.”

“Because it didn’t matter after-” She stops mid sentence when you turn to her with a look that says ‘seriously’, fixing her words. “I’m not making excuses, I was wrong. But JJ really did start to have feelings and when he told me that he loved you-”

“I don’t want to talk about JJ.”

Your voice is cold, leaving no room for argument. You’ll hear her out, which is already hard enough, but any talk of JJ is off the table.

Kiara nods, apologizing before continuing, “I will never do anything to hurt you ever again. You can punch me in the face if you want, I don’t care. Anything to make you talk to me again.”

You lightly chuckle, both of you sniffling as she joins in. Her hands are squeezing yours, and you start to rub the back of her hand with your thumb as you consider her words.

“Okay..” You agree slowly, smiling softly at her. She instantly wraps her arms around you, pulling you in. You hug her for a few, but push her away lightly as you say, “Alright, baby steps.”

“Right, sorry.”

Things haven’t gone back to how you were, and you weren’t sure if they ever would, but she respected your boundaries and was willing to take those small steps, which you were happy about. At the end of the day, she’s your sister and it would kill you to never talk to her again.

When she offered to drive you to Sarah's, your first instinct was to say no. But you made a promise to yourself to at least try, so you agreed and you would think the girl won the lottery. You guys start to head to Sarah's, making light conversation until you get there.

You stopped at the passenger side door when you hopped out, turning back to Kiara and smiling, "Thanks, Kie."

Her smile brightens at the use of the nickname, not hearing it from you since everything happened. Making your way into the house, you text Sarah that you're here and open the door to walk in.

Ward and Rose were away on a trip currently, and Wheezie was spending the night at her friend's house so you and Sarah had the house to yourself other than Rafe.

Speaking of the older Cameron, when you walked in you could hear him upstairs in what seemed to be a pretty heated argument between him and Sarah.

"It's not just your house, Sarah. If I wanna throw a party I can throw a god damn party," Rafe's voice echoed throughout the Cameron household, and you begin making your way up the stairs as Sarah responds.

"You knew that Y/N was coming over tonight. We're supposed to have a girls' night and that doesn't include loud music and coke!" She exclaims. She and Rafe are standing in the middle of the hallway, her back to you but you know she's glaring at her brother. Rafe fixes her with an annoyed look.

"Just stay up-" He's cut off when he notices that you're in the hallway, and you smile awkwardly at intruding on their argument. Sarah turns to you as she notices Rafe looking behind her, and her pissed off look turns into a smile as she walks over to you.

"Hey.." You trail off, greeting her as she hugs you. "Sorry, the front door was unlocked."

"You're fine," She waves you off when she pulls back, turning back to Rafe with a dirty look. "We were done talking anyway."

She starts to lead you to her room when Rafe speaks up, "I'm having the party."

"Rafe-" She starts to walk back towards her brother, but you stop her by placing a hand on her arm.

"Sarah," You catch her and her brother's attention, giving her a shrug, "A party doesn't sound so bad."

She immediately looks annoyed at the thought of you taking her brother's side, so you quickly add, "I'm staying the whole weekend. I need to get back out there, anyway, remember?"

You nudge her with your shoulder, and the corner of her lips turn upward. She looks at you, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine. We can have a party tonight and tomorrow can just be recovery girls' night."

•••

The party was in full swing. You don't know how Rafe managed to pack this huge house with people, but you had to go outside with how crowded it became. Even more people were outside, all with red cups or beers in their hands and dancing to the music blasting from the speakers in the house.

You'd lost count of how much you've had to drink. It's the first night since you and JJ broke up that you've actually allowed yourself to let loose, and you can admit that you got a little in over your head. But that didn't matter. You were having fun.

The liquor in your system is what you blame for all of a sudden being best friends with Topper of all people. It started out with a random game of beer pong, you forcing Sarah to play against Topper and Kelce. Rafe was there, but mostly just sipped from his drink as he watched you.

Eventually, Sarah wanted to cut herself off so she was sober enough since it was obvious you didn't plan to be. You continued drinking with the last guys you expected, your drunkenness making you more friendly towards the Death Squad.

Sarah was hesitant to leave you alone, but you assured her you would be fine during the few minutes she went to the bathroom. Not even ten seconds after she left, you were dancing on the table outside. You'd climbed up and started dancing with a couple of the girls, feeling lighter than you've felt in weeks.

They were actually good company when you took out the bad history. Kelce mentioned something about wanting to talk to some girl, which left Topper to hold his arms up just in case you fell from your stance on the table. Rafe just laughed into his cup, amused at the sight.

When Sarah came back, she gasped when she saw you dancing on the table. Making her way over, she slapped Rafe's arm, "I said to watch her!"

"I am," He retorts, before nodding in your direction. "Relax, look at her. She's having fun."

Sarah moves her gaze to you. You were having fun, holding hands with some girl as you both danced. When you noticed Topper was holding his arms up, you kicked at him playfully and said if you weren’t meant to fall you’ll fall.

Sarah laughs, pulling out her phone to take a picture and sending it to John B. She'd been giving him updates through the night, her boyfriend not exactly comfortable with you two being alone in a kook party. She sent the picture along with a text.

Haven't seen her this carefree in forever.

Over on the Cut, John B pulls out his phone to check Sarah's message. He laughs at the image of you on a table dancing with two random girls, shaking his head. Pope leaned his head over, "What‘a so funny?"

"Nothing.. just Y/N on a table drunk off her ass," The brunette chuckles, and Pope leans over the brunette with an amused expression to see. 

"Y/N?"

They both turn to see JJ standing behind them, cursing. They finally convinced him to sober up and get in the shower, not expecting him to come out so soon.

Before they can react, JJ is already taking the phone from John B's hand, looking at the photo. The side of his mouth curves up at the bright look on your face, missing it.

His mouth goes into a line, however, when he notices the guy who's standing under you with his arms out. He turns the phone back around, "What the fuck is Topper doing next to her?"

"Relax, Jayj. There's a party at Sarah's. She told me they've been pretty chill all night, that it's nothing to worry about."

John B's words do nothing to stop JJ's mind from racing. All he could think was that he was too fucking close to you.

"It's always something to worry about with them," He mutters, turning the phone back to him. He stares at the picture for what seemed like forever, before handing the phone back to John B. "I'm going over there."

He walks to his room, ignoring the guys calling out his name. After getting dressed and putting on his shoes, he walks back to the living room and holds out his hand to John B, "Gimme the keys."

"JJ it's not your place anymore," John B says as he refuses to give the keys. JJ's jaw tightens.

"If you don't give me the keys, I'll walk," He states through clenched teeth. At Pope's cautious look, JJ sighs. "It's not just about them. This might be my only chance to see her."

"While she's drunk?" John B retorts, and JJ thinks for a second before nodding.

"Better than not at all," He responds simply. And to him, it is. Even if in your drunk state you completely kick his ass, it's worth it if he just gets to see you. "Keys."

Sarah doesn't know what she's gonna do with you. It's been thirty minutes since she sent that picture to John B, and her eyes knitted when she checked her phone again and still didn't see a response. Looking back up, she sees you still in the same place you were.

After you got tired of dancing, you let Topper help you down and made your way back to the beer pong table. Luckily for Sarah, Rafe and Topper stopped you, saying that you can play but they'll take the drinks for you.

When Sarah notices you yawning, she pulls you into her side and has to stop herself from falling at you instantly putting your weight on her. She looks at her brother, "Can you help me bring her inside?"

Her brother downs the beer from the cup, nodding his head and coming to the other side of you, letting you instead put your weight on him. They both guide you into the house, and when you make it to the bottom of the stairs, Sarah stops.

"I'm gonna go get her some water. Just take her to my room," Rafe rolls his eyes, but nods nonetheless. Sarah finds herself feeling grateful for her brother. Besides her, he's been the only other person to see how torn up you've been - just being down the hallway and able to hear you sob and scream about how much you hate JJ.

She's happy that even though he's still an asshole, he's stopped himself from being an asshole to you.

You can barely walk, leaning into a hard chest as you mumble, "I'm sleepy."

The chest rumbles as Rafe laughs, and he mutters, "Trust me, you'll be knocked out soon enough."

You giggle, letting the older Cameron lead you up the stairs and into Sarah's room. Your arm is still laced around his shoulder as he places you down on the bed, and you accidentally pull him down with you. He falls a little, landing on you but catching his footing, "Shit, my bad-"

Suddenly he's nowhere near you, and you look over in shock at the sight before you. All you see in a mop of blonde hair slam Rafe against Sarah's dresser, not registering that it's JJ until he uses his grip on Rafe's shirt to throw him to the ground.

Instantly, he's on top of him and throwing punches. You stumble up, not even fully able to comprehend what the hell is going on, "JJ, what the hell!"

Rafe gets over his own shock, flipping the two of them over and wailing on JJ. As much as you hate to admit it, the sight sobered you up a little and you were able to make your way over to them. You could be mad at JJ forever, but you can’t just sit and watch someone hit him.

You grab the back of Rafe’s shirt, using all of your body weight to pull back, “Get off of him!”

At this time, Sarah’s made her way up and is halted at the door, coming next to you to help pull Rafe off and calling out for Topper. You’re able to get Rafe off, Topper making it into the room with Kelce and grabbing Rafe as he lunges at JJ.

On instinct, you stumble over to JJ and help him up, stepping in front of him. You’re pushing at his chest to stop him from lunging at Rafe, but JJ calms down once he registers you’re standing in front of him. You turn around, your back now pressing against his chest as you look at the older Cameron.

Rafe is cursing up a storm, but Topper and Kelce are able to pull him out the room and Sarah slams the door shut, locking it as she turns to you with an exasperated look, “What the fuck happened in the two minutes I left to get you water?”

“He was on top of her!”

You whip around to face JJ, the movement making you a little dizzy in your state. The blonde tries to stabilize you, but you slap his hands away and glare at him. With Rafe out of the room, you’re able to register what happened.

“I fell, asshole!” You screamed at him, and he opened his mouth to respond when you cut him off, “And even if he was, it’s none of your business.”

“Baby..”

“I’m not yours,” You muttered angrily, having to check your drunk ass so you don’t reach out and touch the bruise starting to form on his cheek. “Get out.”

“Y/N,” He reaches for you, and you step back as you start to walk to the bed. “I’m sorry. I just saw him take you upstairs and when I walked in and saw that I thought the worse. I didn’t mean to-”

“You never mean to do anything!” You yell as you sit, glaring at JJ while Sarah comes over to you. “You just do whatever you want. This is the first night in weeks that I’ve been able to actually have fun and here you come..”

Here he comes making you think about him again.

Sarah wipes a tear from your face, and it wasn’t until then you realized you were crying, “Please.. just get out.”

JJ starts to say something, but nods his head and walks towards the door. He turns as he opens it, “I really am sorry.”

He leaves with that, and you groan as you throw yourself back on the bed, burying your face in your hands as you cry.

•••

It’s been a few days since the party, and you haven’t heard or asked about JJ since. He had managed to piss you off to the deep end by just showing up to a party and fighting Rafe. He had no business, you were not his business to just show up somewhere randomly and defend your honor. Sometimes his impulsivity drove you insane.

You felt pathetic when you thought about how you moved to shield him from Rafe, it only served as a reminder of the soft spot you had for the blonde. The soft spot that shouldn’t be there after what he did.

The anger you held for the blonde for what happened eased the longer you were away from it, but it didn’t mean you weren’t still hurt.

You were currently cleaning the Wreck. Closing was about an hour ago, and your parents made a deal that you can hold off on working during the day a little longer as long as you came after it was closed and swept and wiped off tables.

You’d just got done sweeping, wiping off the island when you heard a knock. Looking over, you see JJ standing looking at you through the screen, and you roll your eyes as you keep wiping down the counter.

When he knocks again, you sigh frustratedly and throw the rag down, stomping over to the door and unlocking it. You threw it open, “What?”

Once JJ gets over his surprise that you actually opened the door, he starts to talk as he scans your face, “I just wanted to apologize for the party.”

“You already did.”

“I wanted to apologize while you were sober,” He fixed, shoving his hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth slightly out of nerves. “I know I had no right to come there in the first place. It’s just..”

He shakes his head, “I was being selfish. I was so caught up in wanting to see you I didn’t think about how you would feel seeing me.”

You stand there and look at him, swallowing nervously as he just continues to scan your face. It’s the first real face to face conversation you’ve had, and you hate that he can still make you nervous. His eyes fall to your lips, moving back to your eyes as he whispers, “You look beautiful.”

Your breath hitches, and you can’t get your voice to come out as anything other than a whisper either as you respond, “You can’t say stuff like that to me anymore.”

“It’s true.”

His blue eyes seem to be holding you in a trance, and you blink to break it as you start to close the door, his hand coming out to stop it as he looks at you pleadingly, “What do I have to do to get five minutes?”

You sigh, frustrated. You fight the urge to let him inside. You can’t just fall back into him. He’s done nothing to show you that you can trust him. And that’s what you tell him.

“I don’t trust you,” You tell him, and his hand falls from the door. “I can’t even trust that you ever loved me in the first place. And I don’t know how you can fix that, so we don’t have anything to talk about J.”

You shut the door, going back over to the island and pretending to be focused on wiping off the counter until you hear his footsteps fade as he walks down the gangway. You look over at his back as he walks, taking a deep breath and telling yourself this is for the best.

•••

It’s been two weeks since you turned JJ away at the Wreck. Things are beginning to feel a little more normal, your heart no longer clenching at the thought of the blonde. You began working at the Wreck again, your ex-boyfriend respecting your space and not coming here.

You knew that the guys were bringing his food back to the Chateau when they came, always ordering an extra burger and side of fries. You also knew that JJ was sending them with messages to give you, them not really doing anything to hide it.

“You look beautiful today, Y/N,” John B blurts as you set the extra food on the counter for him to grab. At your puzzled look, the brunette raises his arms up in mock defense. “Just relaying a message.”

“He hasn’t even seen me today,” You deadpanned, knowing exactly who he was relaying the message for. John B grabs the food off the counter, tilting his head and giving you an amused expression.

“He said you always do.”

That’s all he says before he leaves with Pope and Sarah, leaving you with your thoughts of the blonde.

“Pope…” Your voice trails as you walk up the gangway to the entrance of the Wreck. It was nine in the morning, and it was your day to come here to get the restaurant ready before opening. He was standing leaned against the door with a coffee and a rose.

“Just take it,” He says simply as he holds his hands out. You take the coffee, but eye the rose. Seeing your hesitation, Pope gives you a tight smile, “He’ll send double next time.”

At the threat, you grab the flower and roll your eyes, “He better not.”

He must’ve relayed the message to the blonde, who’s never been good at being told what he can’t do, because that night you came home to a bouquet of roses sitting on your porch. You sighed as you picked up the note, reading it.

Just because.

And those were only a couple instances over the last couple of weeks. He respected your space, knowing you weren’t exactly in the mindset of wanting to see or forgive him. But he didn’t show any signs of giving up.

When you complained to Kie about losing all of your scrunchies, the next day she was giving you like ten you left over at the Chateau in JJ’s room. When John B dropped off your surfboard for your beach day with the girls, he just shrugged when you asked him who polished it.

When you had to deal with a particularly rude customer that almost made you cry in frustration, the next day the man was coming in with an apology about how “he was able to reflect on his actions.”

You don’t even know how the blonde was able to pull that off, but Kiara sending a text message right after the man apologized let you know he had something to do with it.

As much as you hated it, you could feel the walls you built up slowly begin to break apart. You were still hurt, and honestly you still weren’t sure about trusting him.

But with his respect for your space and the efforts he’s putting into just doing the little things to let you know he’s still thinking about you, you’re reminded of why you had feelings for him in the first place. You’ve talked to the girls about it, Sarah being the biggest supporter of you but also of you being with him.

“It’s whatever will make you happy,” The blonde girl rubs your leg comfortingly. The three of you were sitting on the couch in her living room, eating ice cream and binge watching TVD.

You turned to your other side, where Kiara was sitting next to you.

“What do you think?” You asked, and she gave a cautious look. “It’s okay, Kie. I wanna know your opinion.”

Your relationship with your sister has slowly made its way around. She’s continued to apologize endlessly, but you reassure her that you’re not angry at her anymore. JJ’s still a weird subject for you two though. Not because of what happened but just because she knows he’s a sensitive topic, so it makes sense why she’s hesitant.

“I’ve never seen him like this with a girl,” She says after a few moments, giving a genuine smile. “And if it’s any consolation, all he talks about is you. He doesn’t go a day without checking on you.”

You let it go after that, going back to the show and deciding to put it in the back of your mind. You were still trying to wrap your head around the thought of possibly forgiving him.

“Did she take it?”

Pope rolls his eyes. He’s more than willing to help JJ out, being the one to take you a coffee and rose every few mornings when it’s your time to open the Wreck. But his blonde friend asks the same question every time when he returns, and he always gives the same response, “She took it, Jayj. She always takes it.”

“Right,” The blonde nods. “But she’s drinking the coffee right? She knows she’s not a morning person and so if she doesn’t drink it-”

“Kie says she drinks it,” Pope cuts him off simply. And when JJ opens his mouth to ask yet another question, he cuts him off again. “And she said she’s keeping the roses. She saw them on her nightstand.”

That pulls a genuine smile from the blonde. He’d be lying if his actions weren’t to get you to slowly forgive him, but he wasn’t doing these things to bribe you. He wanted to put a smile on your face. He wanted to do what he could from afar to at least ease your life as much as he could.

He just wanted to do whatever he could for you. His plan to get you back, however, was more complex. He took the last week planning it out, and he wanted everything to go perfectly. Even if you didn’t forgive him or want to be with him, he needed you to know that he truly does love you.

“Are you nervous?” John B asks as he props his feet up on the couch, taking a sip of the beer. JJ scoffs a laugh.

“Understatement of the fucking century,” He mutters, and Pope lays a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” His friend assured. “She’s gonna love it.”

“Yeah but she could just as easily tell me to fuck off.”

He just hopes to God that you don’t.

•••

“Sarah, what is up with you?” You laugh as she pulls you to the porch of your house. The two of you just got back from lunch, John B tagging along. She’d been acting off since they picked you up, like she had a fire lit under her ass.

She left John B with a peck on the cheek before pulling you out of the Twinkie and bolting towards your house.

“Nothing, I just really have to pee,” She bullshitted, and you rolled your eyes but let her drag you. Opening your front door, she speeds past it and pulls you up the stairs just as Kie is leaving your room. You squint your eyes, “What were you doing?”

She says nothing, only smiles and holds out an index card. Grabbing it with a confused look, you read the words on it.

I Love…

You look up at your sister, a weary expression on your face, “Kie..”

“Flip it,” she responds, smiling brightly at you. You flip the card over, reading the next words.

When you wear my clothes.

It began clicking in your head, and your head shakes as you sigh, “Guys.. no.”

Sarah turns you around to face her, “Would we do anything if we didn’t think it was best for you?”

You turn to see Kie, who looks fearful of your answer but you smile assuringly at her, “No.”

“Then trust us,” Sarah replies.

You let out a breath, walking past Kie to your room and over to your dresser. You open the second one where all of your night clothes are, an index card laying neatly on top of the folded clothes. You pick it up, reading the next phrase.

The way you hold the key to my heart.

Rolling your eyes, you walk out the room and down the stairs to the key cubby. Looking in it, you see yet another index card and grab it, flipping it over to see the next clue.

That you’re the calm wave to my storm.

You look back at where Kie and Sarah are now standing behind you. Holding out the keys to her car, Kiara urges you to go. You hesitantly grab them, but couldn’t help that your heart started beating faster.

You leave the house, hopping in the car and head towards the beach.

With you being alone in the car, you were able to think about what this was and what it meant. JJ had been doing little things for weeks, but this is obviously some big thing that he planned to win you over.

You were hesitant, and a part of you wanted to turn back around. But there was also a part of you that wanted to see this through.

You’ve just barely parked when you see the Twinkie. John B must’ve seen you pull in, cause he hops out of the car and walks over to you with a hand behind his back. He grins at you when you ask him, “What is going on?”

He shakes his head, “You know by now.” Finally taking his hand behind his back, he holds out a rose with another index card taped to it. You grab it, take it off the rose and look at it.

How your scent intoxicates me.

For a second you’re confused. He doesn’t know where you get your fragrance from… Your scent intoxicates.. You let out a laugh when it clicks.

“So stupid,” You mumble, but hug John B before climbing back in the car. You drive over to the Cut to the local liquor store. It’s the one you know JJ always gets his beer from, and you climb out of the car. You go inside, where the man behind the counter looks up at you like he was expecting you.

He reaches under the counter, and you couldn’t help the flushing of your face when he holds out a bottle of wine. The same wine you took from your mom on your sixth month anniversary.

Taking it from him with a thanks, you walk outside and just when you think about the fact that he didn’t give you a card, you see Pope leaning against the car. You walk up to him, and he holds out the card in question, “Go get ‘em.”

You grab it from him, climbing in the car and adding the bottle to the passenger seat where the rest of the index cards and rose are. At this point, your heart is beating out of your chest as you look at the next and most likely last clue until the inevitable reveal.

That you allowed me to call you mine.

Your eyes start to tear as you start the car, and you wipe at your eyes and calm yourself as you drive off. This is it. You know exactly where this ends and you can’t help but feel nervous. You also feel flattered, the amount of thought and effort being put into this making you swoon a little.

Finally, you make it to the Chateau. You take some deep breaths, preparing yourself for whatever happens. You grab the wine and rose as you get out of the car, walking to the yard where the hammock is. You’re expecting to see JJ, but your eyes knit together as you get to the hammock and notice he’s not there.

You hear someone clear their throat from behind you, and you turn to see the blonde in question as he flashes a nervous smile at you. 

“Hey, beautiful.” 

You have to actively stop the flush from reaching your face, darting your eyes from him, “I told you that you can’t say stuff like that to me.” 

He steps closer to you, so close you can smell his scent and moves his head to catch your gaze, “It’s hard not to when you look like that.” 

You roll your eyes, pushing at his chest to make him step back a little. You can’t think right now and his close proximity is not helping, “Stop flirting with me, Maybank.”

“Stop flirting with back, baby.” 

You both look at each other, and you can’t help the grin that comes across your face at his mischievous smirk. You sigh, remembering what you planned to say when you got here. 

“JJ-” You stop for a second as you gather your thoughts. “This is a really, really sweet gesture. But-” 

“Not so fast,” He shakes his head.  “I wasn’t done with my list.” 

You look at him, letting out a breath before nodding at him to continue. The blonde takes a deep breath, stepping closer to you and reaching out for you before stopping himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

The sides of his mouth curve up, “I love the way your smile is enough to brighten my day. And how you look at me like I’m the only person in the world. I love how smart you are, how good you are to everyone around you.” 

You’re not even sure you’re breathing at this point, unable to move as he keeps talking. 

“I love how your nose crinkles when you laugh. How you can look beautiful even when you cry. I love the way you kiss my bruises away.” 

He pulls his hands out of his pocket, using one hand to wipe the tear you didn’t know fell, smiling at you sadly, “I love everything about you. I love you more than anything in this world.” 

He brings his other hand up once he’s sure you won’t pull away, cupping your face is in his hands. If you weren’t breathing before you definitely weren’t now. The combination of his words and his light touch on you was enough to make your knees weak.

“And I hate myself for making you think I could ever want anyone besides you. With you..” He trails off, scanning your face as if he’s trying to commit it to memory, rubbing his thumb against your cheek softly, “baby, there is no one else.”   

You can’t stop yourself from crying, but he just wipes them away and says nothing else. He just looks at you. He swallows nervously, like he’s expecting you to pull away and walk from him forever. His blue eyes now reflect your own, and you act without thinking. 

JJ takes a second to register your lips on his, but when he does he pulls you closer, deepening the kiss. Your lips move together, and your grip on the rose and wine bottle loosens until they both fall on the ground. 

You pull away, “The stuff..” 

“I don’t care,” The blonde mumbles. “Come ‘ere.” 

He pulls you into another kiss, and you bask in the feeling of his lips on yours after a month. You breathe him in, pulling him closer to you by his shirt and playing with the ends of it. After a few, he pulls his face away but makes no move to back up. 

You look at him, swallowing your own nerves now, “I don’t want to get hurt again.” 

“You won’t,” He responds. “I don’t care about anything else besides making sure I never do anything to hurt you again.” 

You pull away fully now, away from his hold and watch as he actively stops himself from pulling you back. You cross your arms, looking at him with an expressionless look as you think about his words.

He looks back at you, but also moves his eyes around as he prepares himself for you to walk away.

One hand, you still haven’t fully forgiven him. His efforts to get you back have succeeded in softening your heart, but there’s still a little voice in the back of your head telling you that you shouldn’t. On the other hand, your heart comes into play and you can’t help but let that take over. 

“One date.” 

His eyes snap back to you, not expecting that to be what you said. He steps closer to you, but you step back and hold up a finger, “One. Date. We can talk about what happened and how to move forward. But that’s-” 

He grabs you, pulling you into a soft kiss and mumbling against your lips, “I’ll take whatever I can get.” 

•••

JJ’s pretty sure he’s shaking the floor with how hard he’s bouncing his leg. He’s fumbling with the straw of his drink, taking a nervous sip as he looks over at you. 

You’re sitting next to him at the round table, eyes scanning the menu in front of you. JJ didn’t want to just take you to the Wreck like you suggested, that wasn’t good enough. If he had one shot at this, he was going to do it right.

He begged Heyward to let him take you to the mainland on the boat, agreeing instantly when Heyward agreed as long as he helped out with deliveries for the next couple of weeks. 

He knew Pope’s dad was just playing by making him work for it, he would do anything to stop the blonde from moping around his shop, but JJ didn’t care. He borrowed one of Pope’s suits, telling you to wear something fancy as well but not telling you where you were going.

Now, here you were in a restaurant that made JJ feel completely out of place, but it was worth it to see the look of wonder on your face. 

“You’re staring again, Jayj,” You state without taking your eyes from the menu. “You’re also shaking the table.” 

He stops his movements, bringing his hand to rub the back of his neck as he feels the blush come up, “Sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” You take your eyes off the menu, setting it down and reaching over to grab his hand. “You don’t have to be nervous. You’re doing great so far. This is.. This is great.” 

He squeezes your hand, taking a couple of breaths. You guys make small talk until the waitress comes over to take your order, and when the food comes out you guys immediately start eating.

Despite your cool exterior, he knows you’re just as nervous as he is. You keep playing with the bracelet on  your wrist and you’ve fixed your dress ten times, ignoring his praise that you looked amazing. 

“Oh my God,” You both say in unison at your first bites. You both got the fettucini alfredo and decided to split the steak, and it was heavenly. 

“I feel like I’m cheating on the Wreck,” You joke, and he laughs. You both take a few more bites, JJ starting to cut the steak when you speak in a more serious tone. 

“So..” You trail off, and he stops cutting as he looks over at you. “I feel like we should talk now.” 

He nods, putting the utensils down and rubbing his palms on his pants to ease his nerves, “Okay. Where do you want me to start?” 

“The first night,” You reply instantly, sitting upright as if to prepare yourself. JJ looks down at the table, gathering his thoughts. 

“I’d be lying if I said a part of it wasn’t to.. stroke my ego,” He reluctantly admitted. “I was pissed and hurt, and you were there and I knew you liked me. It felt nice to be wanted for a night.” 

When he looked at your irritated expression, he quickly added, “Dick move, I know. I shouldn’t have used your feelings like that.” 

“Then why did you?” You ask quietly. 

“Cause I’m an idiot and an asshole,” He responds, the anger at himself coming out. “I planned on telling you the next day, but you were glowing that morning..”

He trails off as the image of you dancing in the kitchen plays in his head, and he smiles softly to himself. He looks back at you, “I spent a couple of weeks just trying to wrap my head around everything. Because, yeah, that first night I was using your feelings to make me feel better.” 

When you inhale sharply, he grabs your hand that’s resting on the table, squeezing as he looks at you, determined to get you to hear him out. 

“But after that night… it was different,” He catches your gaze in his, noting the vulnerability behind your eyes as you take his words in. “I actually looked at you. And I hate that it took me doing that, but baby.. It was like I was seeing you in a different light.” 

You stare back at the blonde, heart clenching. When he was telling you about the first night, you had to swallow the lump in your throat. You pull your hand away, setting it back on the table as you asked, “How did you go from liking Kiara to liking me?” 

“Honestly, I’m not even sure I ever liked her,” He responded, and you gave him a blank expression. He notices it, and he’s quick to assure,  “I’m not just saying that. I knew I had a crush on her, we all did. But it was so easy to forget about."

"And the more time I spent with you, the more stupid I felt for thinking I could like her in the first place,” He shakes his head, seeming to be talking to himself with his next words. “How the hell could I think I liked her when you were right there?” 

You calm the beating of your chest, wanting to ask him what’s been on your mind for the last month. 

“When you asked me to be your girlfriend…” You trailed off. “Did you still…?” 

“No,” He immediately tells you, already knowing what you’re asking. “Not at all. When I asked you out, it was because I knew I didn’t want to be with anyone else. I’ve never felt the way I feel for you with anyone.” 

He never broke eye contact as he spoke, his words genuine as he answered you. As hesitant as you were to believe him, that made you believe that his words were true. You felt the weight leave your shoulders at the assurance that he didn’t date you just to get back at your sister. 

“And you made it so easy to fall in love with you,” He continued when you didn’t respond. “When I had you, I didn’t want anyone else.” 

He reaches out to grab both of your hands now, food long forgotten as he turned his chair so he was facing you more. 

“I love you more than anything,” He chuckles softly in admiration. “More than everything. And I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you. You can walk from this wanting nothing to do with me, but I just want you to know my feelings for you were real. Everything I felt about you was real.” 

You take it in, believing his words as he looked at you like you held his heart in your hands. You saw the nerves in the way he rubbed your hands with his thumbs. You saw the pleading look on his face. But more than anything, you saw the love he had for you swimming in his blue irises. They entranced you, feeling affection bubbling up inside of you as you looked back at the blonde. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget what you did,” You start, and you squeeze his hands back when he closes his eyes like he’s preparing for the worst. “But I can forgive you. With time. You just have to meet me halfway. I want to work on us.. But I need baby steps. I need to go into this knowing I can trust you.” 

He opened his eyes when you continued, seeming to be in shock. He recovers, leaning forward in his chair. 

“Anything,” He promises, his words never wavering. “We can move as slow as you need to.” 

“Okay."

“Okay?” He repeats, eyes lighting up along with his face. He makes a slight move forward, nodding his head to himself as he speaks to himself, “Okay. Okay, good.” 

He fiddles around for a little, and you’re about to ask him why when he seems to make a split decision, leaning over and grabbing your chair. He pulls you over until you’re next to him, the move going straight through you as he doesn’t give you a chance to think before he’s kissing you. 

He uses one hand to cup your jaw, deepening the kiss as you let yourself fall into it. You both ignore the people around you, and you grab the hand that’s on your face to ground you, feeling like you would float away at any moment. 

•••

Three months. 

It’s been three months since you and JJ decided to take baby steps. You went on dates, started getting to know each other again. It was like a clean slate, JJ doing nothing to push you and being patient. It was hard at first. Sometimes you would find yourself thinking about what happened and the anger you felt would come back, but he would just take it and reassure you that he cares about you. 

You started hanging at the Chateau again, things going back to normal on that front. You haven’t spent the night, you and JJ never going past steamy makeout sessions. JJ wanted to do this the right way, taking your words and his promise seriously. 

With you speaking to them again, Kiara and JJ were able to work through their problems. It felt good to be around the whole group again. John B and Pope gave you an earful about ignoring them, making you promise to never do that again.

“I don’t care what that asshole does to mess things up,” John B claims, JJ making a noise in between his bites of pizza.

“Aye! This asshole’s not about to do anything-”

“You’re our friend too,” Pope cuts him off, rolling his eyes. You nod at them in understanding, apologizing and promising them.

It took time, but you slowly began to trust the blonde again. He went back to being the person you knew before, looking at him with the same affection you used to hold for him. He spent every day with you like it was the last. 

“JJ!” You lightly push at his chest. He was currently on top of you, the makeout session going further than usual. When you pulled away stating that you should slow down, he nodded as pulled back until he was hovering over you. Before you knew it, he was leaning back down and planting small pecks across your face. 

You let him, always loving when he did that. 

“Did you see that?” The blonde exclaimed as he ran over to you on the beach, surfboard tucked under his arm. “I killed that shit!” 

You let out a laugh at his excitement, his face glowing as he made his way closer to you, “That was fucking awesome, J.” 

He drops the surfboard once he gets close enough to you, lifting you up by your thighs and wrapping them around his waist as he kisses you. You kiss him back, pulling back and teasing, “You’re getting me wet.” 

At the mischievous glint in his eyes, you give him a warning look, “Don’t even think about it-” 

Before you can finish, he’s taking off back to the ocean as he responds, “Too late!” 

JJ is currently sprawled across you as you guys lay on your bed. It’s the first time your parents actually allowed him inside since you guys got back together, your mom surprising you and asking to talk to JJ, pulling him outside. You expected it to be your dad.

You don’t know what your mom said, but when JJ came back he couldn’t make eye contact with her for the first ten minutes.

But they let you go upstairs as long as you kept the door open. Immediately when you entered the room, he pulled you to the bed, laid you down and laid on top of you.

His head was resting on your chest, and you were running your hands through his hair. The only sounds he made were noises of content. You’re body started to feel the weight of him a little more, and you told JJ to get up for a second.

“No,” he mumbled into your chest. You stopped massaging his scalp, the blonde whining and lazily grabbing your hand to put it back on his head. “Just five more minutes.”

You smiled, going back to massaging his scalp and using the other hand to rub his back. He moans in appreciation.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see your mom pass the room, not even stopping at the door but instead walking past when she spoke.

“Off the bed.”

He’s never moved faster in his life, pulling the loudest laugh from you as he called an apology to your mom, blushing.

Things felt how they used to between the two of you, and you couldn’t be more grateful for that. The thought of never having him in your life again broke you at one point, but now you can’t imagine him not being a part of it. The space you took from him helped you move on from what happened, and having JJ back was enough to mend your heart. 

Which brought you guys back to your regular smoke sessions on the hammock. JJ was laying flat on his back as one of his legs hung off to swing it back and forth slightly, and you were cuddled against him with your head resting on his chest. 

The beating of his heart was calming for you, and you sat your head up, kissing it before looking up at him only to see him already looking down at you. You flush, kissing his chest again before meeting his blue eyes, “Can I be your girlfriend again?” 

The grin that breaks out on his face is enough to make you stop breathing, and he leans down and kisses your forehead, “Is that even a question?” 

You laugh lightly, pulling yourself up so you can lean down and kiss him softly. He uses a hand to come up and move your hair from your face, deepening the kiss. You pull away, lips grazing his, “I love you.” 

He smiles into the kiss, the swinging of the hammock halting as he focuses fully on you, “I love you too. Always will.”

You run your tongue across his bottom lip, asking for entrance which he immediately grants. He groans against your lips, and you kiss for a while before you pull away breathlessly, “Take me inside.” 

He pulls away, looking at you carefully, “Are you sure?” 

You nod, pulling him into a soft kiss, “Very.” 

He gets up, helping you out of the hammock and not letting go of your hand as he leads you into the Chateau. You both ignore the Pogues sitting on the couch, Sarah wiggling her eyebrows at you as Pope jokes about how they should leave. At the look JJ shoots back, they all make a decision to walk outside as he leads you back into his bedroom. 

Once you’re in his room, he grabs your face and pulls you into a heated kiss. He asks you again if you’re sure, and you tell him once again that you’re more than sure. At your words, his hands slide from your face down your body, squeezing your waist before bringing them to the back of your thighs. 

He picks you up, and you wrap your legs around him as he walks over to the bed. He climbs on the bed, you both laughing against each other at the awkward movements, and lays you down on the pillow. His lips leave yours for the first time, pulling away so he’s hovering over you. He looks at you with so much love and adoration in his eyes, moving your hair from your face. 

“Come here,” You plead, and he leans down to kiss you again. He deepens the kiss, ignoring your attempts to take his clothes off.

When you whine against him, he trails his kisses from your mouth to your neck, kissing it as he takes both of your hands and brings them up so he’s holding them next to your head, fingers lacing with yours as he holds them against the bed.

“We have all night, baby,” He mumbles, bringing you into another heated kiss. “Let me show you how much I love you.” 

•••

A/N: ngl i’m nervous about this just because i edited it a lot cause i didn’t really know how to make it to where she didn’t just forgive him right away (personal pet peeve when reading angst pieces - the time gotta fit the crime loves 😭) but i’m happy with how it turned out i didn’t even plan to post it tonight but i was too excited lol

i also wouldn’t mind doing blurbs for this i think i’m gonna do some anyway but if anyone has requests or ideas just send them to me :)

Hope you guys loved it ❤️

[alimaybankkk]

Would you ever roleplay JJ?

no sry!!

[alimaybankkk]

lipstick stains and promises 1

——————————jj maybank————————

summary: being stolen from by your own boss, you sneak into your workplace to retrieve the money. however, you’re later put into a bit of trouble when a coworker shows up.

warnings: robbery???? kind of???? police, beer, super flirty jj omg i would have caved, anyways enemies to loverssss

pairing: jj maybank x kook!reader

a/n: jj is so fucking flirty i cant omg. so basically this chapter has much backstory and a lot and a lot of flirty jj. there’s a bit more to be discovered about reader in part two sooo just get ready for that 😭😭 enjoy

a dull light flickered outside, a tumbleweed orange glow that grabbed my attention, blood running cold as i found myself darting to the window.

it was nothing but a street light, and i felt embarrassed.

but paranoia is fine when you’re doing something you shouldn’t be, right?

sneaking into the place you work at without permission could get me fired.

not that i needed the money anyway. but my parents came from a long line of business, and until i was old enough to work for them, they’d forced my adventurous self into the country club, working as a bartender.

it was okay, i’d met a few friends since i’d gotten here. my friend from school, harlow, had already worked there for a few months before i came, so there was at least one familiar face.

i’d become friends with a few other girls who might switch out with me during my shift or waited the tables full of kooks and kooks only.

i loved that the place where i worked had no pogues. i was a kook vs. pogue believer, and til the day i’d die, i always would be.

it was great to not have to worry about the annoying, selfish things roaming around the country club. none of them had enough money to afford a membership, so they weren’t even allowed on the premises.

except for one.

and he happened to be my least favorite; mr. jj maybank.

he was the most stuck up, cockiest, idiotic boy i’d ever met, and he surely represented the pogues with his sharp jaw held high and a disgusting grin on his face.

the other girls i worked with swooned for him, including harlow, but i only scowled her whenever he was brought up.

maybank was a muscled boy, an athletic surfing pogue who seemed to carry a devilish smirk wherever he went. it was my least favorite thing about him.

yeah, i hated jj maybank with everything in me.

from his sweet dimples to his toned abs, nothing seemed to appeal me. i tried my best to see him the way my other coworkers did, but every time i tried, i only hated him more.

anyway, jj was a waiter at the club, and he sucked at his job. he was a pogue, after all, on figure eight and snapping mean comments at people who attend the club.

“he’s hot when he gets mad,” harlow laughed while whispering to us girls on our lunch break one day, causing a fit of giggles.

“hell yeah,” said my friend, aniah. “want him to put me in my place.”

i straightened my lips into a tight line, disgusted by what they were saying. “you guys know he’s not that cute, right?”

but they obviously didn’t, because they stared at me with confused looks on their faces.

to jj’s face, i had to be nice. that’s who i was, and how i was raised. i would never be caught saying something terrible to someone.

about someone, sure, but never to their face.

anyway, i snapped out of my daydream and creeped into my boss’s office, looking at the dates on his calendar.

not that they mattered, but around here, being ahead of everyone else meant great things.

scoffing as i realized i’d gotten distracted, i opened the drawer of his desk cautiously.

there were files and papers and folders and other things miscellaneous, but i focused on the one folder that mattered.

it was at the very bottom, i knew, and i stuck my hand quickly under the rest of the pile to grab it.

inside of it was $10k, and i didn’t take the time to count it; i just stuck it into my pocket.

feeling successful for i had not been caught, i cleaned up my tracks and began to back away from the desk when suddenly i hit a surface behind me.

i spun around, heart dropping at the sight of jj. “fuck my life,” i thought.

“what’s goin’ on?” he asked teasingly.

i stuck my hands innocently into my pocket, giving him convincing glares. “you’re swift, there, maybank.”

“same with you, princess,” said jj. i rolled my eyes at the nickname, something he called me a lot. it was just short for “kook princess” which didn’t make me too happy either. “ now ‘m gonna ask again, what’s goin’ on here?”

was jj maybank interrogating me?

i laughed nervously. “nothing of your business…”

“‘m sure it’ll be my business when i tell boss what you were doin’ in here, stealin’ his money,” he tsked.

“fuck you!” i randomly exclaimed, hand flying up to my mouth when i realized what i’d said.

jj only laughed, taking no offense. “you wish.”

i gagged at the thought of his statement.

“so tell me, what’s that little money got to do with you, huh, princess?” he asked, mocking me with a baby voice.

when he was up in my face, i took the chance to slap him across the face, which he laughed at and swayed. “not that it is your business, maybank, but that money is actually mine.”

“damn, princess,” he laughed. “didn’t know you had that in ya.”

“i got a lot more.”

jj turned away, then asked, “so, how’s that money yours?”

“boss took it from me. are you writing a novel or something?”

“thought i’d include it all in my report when i tell ‘im.” he laughed.

i only shook my head slowly. “you tell him, and i’ll be sure to tell him what went down in the janitor’s closet with you and that touron.”

he went quiet.

i scoffed at his weakness and spun on my heels, making way for the door.

“y’know ‘m only kiddin’ with you, right, princess?” i heard from behind me.

i rolled my eyes and turned around. he took it upon himself to continue, laughing. “ i mean, ‘m willin’ to help you, if ‘m bein’ honest.”

“yeah right,” i said.

“swear.”

i stared at him, trying to see through him, but it was as if he held up a wall. i swallowed. “fuck it, sure.”

jj beamed, grabbing my arm and helping me out of the room. “i can walk!”

“gotta make sure you’re all safe there, princess.”

he led me to the bar where he snatched a bottle of beer and i rolled my eyes.

“so, princess,” jj started, “how do you need me to help?”

“ i don’t know, jj! you’re the one who suggested your help in the first place.”

he only laughed and offered me a beer.

i made a face. “who would drive, then?”

“princess, y’got no clue what ‘m capable of.”

once more, i rolled my eyes in annoyance. he just laughed, amused. “so, still want to know more about the money. when did—”

suddenly, police sirens sounded. jj shot me a glare as he rubbed his hands together excitedly. “i guess this is what i’m goin’ to help you with…”

i gasped as he took ahold of my wrist, leaving behind his slightly sipped beer. shivering at the touch, disgusted at a pogue’s fingers on me, i let myself trail behind him as he took me into an alley in the back.

there i saw a red motorbike, blue stripes dazzling at one part. jj grinned, keys hanging in his hands. “there she is…”

thoughts were racing in my head. “how did they find us?” was one i blurted aloud.

“ ‘m gonna explain everything in a little bit, princess. just get on…” he climbed into the bike and moved my hands to rest around his waist from behind, and i slid on.

immediately as i was sat, he excitedly revved the engine, and then we shot forward down the alley.

blue and red danced along the road ahead of us, the highway. the highway jj was headed for.

i was screaming, i think, as he almost did a wheelie. he laughed and flipped off a cop car that was still many yards away.

“jj, what the fuck!”

he only laughed.

eventually, he took me to the cut. it was so disgusting, i thought, to see the trash upon trash in the houses i would hate to live in.

one of the worst ones, an old fish shack on the marsh, was jj’s destination. i knew this as he pulled into the grass, immediately hopping off of the bike and putting the kickstand down.

sirens still sounded, but from the corner of my eye, i watched as the cars passed the house. we were safe, i thought.

jj reached out a hand for me to grab, which i couldn’t deny. somehow, i felt so much higher off the ground on the bike, and his help was worth a thanks.

“don’t want princess scrapin’ her knee…” he said, letting go of my hand after what felt like far too long.

“is there anyone else home?” i asked.

jj’s friends were ruthless, the only somewhat okay one was pope. kiara was my sworn enemy, who i’d established this hardship with in 9th grade.

anyway, jj shrugged his shoulders but said, “no.”

i looked down as i followed him into the house.

“the chateau..” he said, referring to the house. i looked at him, raising an eyebrow, but he didn’t look at me.

“now explain,” i demanded as i pushed him into the couch. he laughed as i tapped my foot impatiently.

“okay, princess. whatever your majesty requests.” he laughed, but at the straight expression on my face, he sighed. “i’m a pogue, sweetheart—i work way more jobs than you do. and the thing about it is, i need it to survive. you don’t. i know that. anyways, one of my jobs is a security worker. i just monitor cams from security systems in houses, nothing to spectacular. this week our team hasn’t been feeling well, so i’ve been filling in for them. so, as i fill in for them, i have to go and check out disturbances. and boss, being the rich man he is, has a security system i have to look over. such a fuckin’ kook, man. anyway, i recognized a pretty girl on the cams, and i thought i’d for sure report here whenever someone broke in. they knew it keep backup. when i arrived, i turned off the security system, but i also forgot that sends a signal for backup. i didn’t mean to make this worse. just wanted to help. probably going to get fired, man.”

i stared at him blankly, processing his words for what felt like hours. he couldn’t read my expression. “left the kook princess speechless, huh?”

i didn’t respond, just took a deep breath and closed my eyes, grounding myself.

“you did what?”

[alimaybankkk]

lipstick stains and promises m.s

none yet <3

one.

two.

three.

four.

five.

six.

seven.

[alimaybankkk]

𝐥𝐢𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬

j.m x kook reader

moodboard for an upcoming series!

~

the poll is up and we have a winner <3

~

yes this is inspired by my beloved t. swift :))

[alimaybankkk]

lmk <3

[alimaybankkk]

what. the. fuck.

this is amazing i’m spinning in circles

you, the ocean, and me - jj maybank

summary: jj is determined to put a smile on your face during your two-week trip to the obx, but what happens when fun turns into something more?

word count: 13.7K

warnings: cheating + terrible parents

a/n: this is set a few years in the future, assuming everyone is in their 20s. it's a slow burn, so it gets off to a slow start, but picks up quickly, i promise! i linked a couple of songs in here that are mentioned, only listen if you want to cry your eyes out with me.

You gazed wearily out the window as the pilot announced that the plane had begun its descent into the Outer Banks. Despite your warring emotions, you had to admit that the bum little beach town looked beautiful from above, the sky casting the shoreline in an orange glow.

Your mom squeezed your hand from the seat beside you, "This is going to be just what you need, sweetie" she said, "I promise."

You highly doubted that.

You had reluctantly agreed to spend two weeks with her here. A last-ditch effort to stop your life from rolling right off its tracks, in her eyes at least. You didn't know how a sleepy beach town on the coast of North Carolina was supposed to make you forget the three-carat diamond that weighed heavily on your ring finger, the text messages you had found on your fiancé's phone nor the fact that your family insisted you more forward with the marriage anyway. No, you were pretty damn sure there weren't enough Mai Tais in the world to make you forget all of that. As the plane dropped further in the sky your heart dropped into your stomach and a wave of nausea passed over you. When did everything become so fucked up?

You had met Carson Peters when you were fourteen. He was the quarterback, you were the captain of the cheerleading team. It was so damn cliché. Looking back at it now, it felt like your whole life was completely predetermined for you. Of course you would date him. Of course you would attend every homecoming, semi-formal and prom with him. Of course you would lose your virginity to him the night before you both left for college, making promises you had intended to keep. Of course he would study business, rapidly making inroads with your father's company. Now, it was only a matter of time until your father retired and passed ownership over to him. So, of course, when Carson Peters asked you to marry him you had said yes. He was all you had ever known, so ingrained in every aspect of your life and your family that the proposal felt like an inevitability you couldn't run from. Every decision was already made for you: You would get married in the same church as your parents, you would have 2-3 children that played soccer or did ballet, you would have a golden retriever, you would spend Friday nights at the country club, Saturdays playing tennis and Sundays volunteering at church. It wasn't a bad life. It was a damned privileged one, one you should feel grateful for. But you didn't. Because it didn't feel like yours. Looking back, you couldn't remember making one choice for yourself. You didn't really have a say in any of this. You were simply the perfect daughter, the glowing bride, a pawn in everyone else's game.

All of that came to a screeching halt two weeks ago.

It was a Friday night. Carson was in the shower and you were touching up your makeup, getting ready for your usual appearance at the country club when his phone chimed on its charger next to the bed. You glanced at it quickly, the noise catching your attention and you saw an incoming text from your best friend Lauren. You were going to meet her and her husband Nick at the club, so thinking she was texting about the plans for the evening, you opened the text. You and Carson didn't have any secrets between you, why would you? You had known each other for almost ten years. You typed in his passcode (your birthday + his old jersey number).

Lauren: Can't wait to see you tonight 😉

Hm. You felt like that was a little out of place, but maybe she was just trying to be nice? Looking back, you can't believe how naïve you were. You realized they had an existing text exchange so you began to scroll up and up and up and finally came across mutually exchanged pictures that caused you to drop the phone, your heart hammering in your chest, mind racing a mile a minute. You were desperately trying to concoct a plausible explanation for what you had just seen, to apply some logic to the situation, to come up with an excuse, any excuse. There wasn't one.

You could hear the shower stop running and you realized you had a decision to make. Do you confront him? Do you act like you didn't see it? There was no way you could sit through dinner tonight knowing what you knew now. You picked up the phone, set Lauren's most recent text to 'unread' and placed the phone back on the charger before telling Carson you weren't feeling well and wouldn't be up for dinner after all. He was visibly annoyed, whether because of the last-minute change of plans or the fact that he wouldn't get to see Lauren, you weren't sure. You undressed and crawled into bed as he went downstairs to watch TV. You cried yourself softly to sleep, sick to your stomach over what you were going to do.

The next morning Carson was thankfully up and out of the house early for a tee time with your father. He left with a quick kiss on your cheek as you lay in bed, grateful that he wouldn't see your splotchy face and bloodshot eyes. You didn't have the energy for a confrontation. You got up and got dressed. Normally this is something you would call Lauren to talk about. Since that was squarely out of the question, you called your mom, asking if you could come over to talk. You always had a good relationship with her despite the fact that she encouraged you (pushed you?) to look a certain way, act a certain way and dress a certain way to maintain the family image and ensure you were set up for a life just like hers.

You didn't take two steps inside her door before she knew something was wrong and you crumbled in her arms, sobs wracking your body as she held you close and rubbed your back. After you were settled at the kitchen counter with a warm cup of tea, you told her everything. Everything everything. She listened patiently and quietly, your hand in hers. Her eyes widened upon hearing the gory details, but she waited to speak until you were through. You could tell she was taking her time to collect her thoughts, to make sure she was saying the right thing, a skill she had taught you well.

"Honey, this doesn't change anything" she said simply. "People make mistakes. Some men have a wandering eye, but you're the one with the ring on your finger! Best not to ruffle any feathers before the wedding. you have a bright future ahead of you, and so does Carson - you two are meant to be! Plus, you know how important this is to your father and to me. You are our only child, we want you to be set for life and with Carson taking over the company, your future will be absolutely secure."

"What part of my fiancé fucking my best friend has me set up for life with a secure future!?" you said harshly, your voice rising.

"Watch your language!" she chided, like you were a child again. "You are getting worked up and blowing this completely out of proportion."

"Oh my god, have you lost your mind? Can you really not see how toxic this is? Can you not see how this impacts me? How this makes me feel?" you said, nearly shouting now.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you--"

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you shouted finally, rising to your feet. "Forget it. I'm not doing this with you. You can tell dad I'm sorry I ruined your perfect plans, but I'm done. I can't do this, I'm breaking it off."

"Honey, stop! Please. Listen to me. You're not thinking straight. You're emotional, you're upset. I understand that. You need some time to think before you make any rash decisions. Let's get away, just you and me. A couple of weeks, that's all I'm asking, and if you still feel the same way when we get back, then I'll support you."

"Fine" you agreed, knowing there wasn't a damn thing that could change your mind.

The ride from the Kildare airport to your rental property wound through a small but charming town with a surf shop, some small stores and a few restaurants before you crossed onto the wealthier side of the island, coastal mansions lining the shore with expensive cars parked outside. As much as you were harboring resentment at your mother for dragging you here, you had to admit it was beautiful. In any other circumstance you probably would have enjoyed it, eagerly looking forward to two weeks of uninterrupted relaxation, sun and top-shelf liquor. Now, all you wanted to do was drown yourself in tequila and tears.

Your rental home was obscenely large for just the two of you, but your family didn't do anything in half measures so you weren't surprised. Nor were you surprised when your mother announced that you had reservations in an hour at the local country club. You didn't even question it, simply going through the motions of showering, doing your hair and adorning a floor-length dress and heels. Beautiful on the outside, screaming on the inside.

The Island Club was a copy-paste of any number of similar clubs you had been to over the years, replete with overindulgent pompous assholes sporting golf attire and Lily Pulitzer. You supposed you were being hypocritical knowing you were one of those assholes back home, but you let yourself be bitter surrounded by so many people you didn't know. You managed to make it all the way through dinner before your mom excused herself to mix and mingle and "make connections" for the duration of your stay. You couldn't think of anything you wanted to do less, so you grabbed your glass of wine and headed outside to a quiet part of the back patio, leaning out over the balcony to take in the thick, salty ocean air.

It was near the end of his shift and he was itching to get out of there, fidgeting and tugging at the collar of his shirt when he saw you. He had been making his way down a narrow hallway near the patio doors, arms laden with a tub of dishes. You were leaning against the balcony, staring out at the ocean. He could only see your side profile, but he could trace your long lashes and thick lips and the way your hair danced in the summer breeze. You were dressed to the nines in a stunning open-back dress that showed off your sunkissed skin. But it was the look on your face that pulled him in, eyes narrowed, face scrunched like you were trying to solve all the world's problems. Even with a scowl, he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He realized after a few moments that he wasn't breathing, quickly clearing his throat and looking around to make sure no one had seen him gawking at you like that. He placed the bin of dishes unceremoniously on the floor and wiped his hands on his pants. 'Come on' he thought, trying to pump himself up. 'Stupid things have good outcomes all the time' as he pushed the patio doors open.

You were able to enjoy a few moments of solitude before you heard the woosh of the patio doors open and close behind you and another person came into your peripheral vision. They leaned against the balcony, a respectable distance away. You didn't turn your head, you didn't acknowledge them, you didn't feel like talking to anyone. You bit your lower lip, holding back several snarky remarks, trying to come up with the most socially acceptable way to say "fuck off". You closed your eyes, mustering your energy as you turned - and every word died on your lips.

He was definitely not what you had expected. In fact, he was gorgeous, painfully so, boyishly handsome with tousled blonde hair, nearly white at the tips from the sun, that complimented his tan skin. A laidback smile rested on his lips and his blue eyes twinkled with mischievousness and fun. He was looking at you with a mix of intrigue and something else you couldn't quite put a finger on but that made your heart beat a little faster and brought a blush to your cheeks. He laughed softly, breaking your trance as he said "Drinking wine alone in the dark isn't a great way to meet people."

"Kinda what I was going for" you admitted.

"Oof" he said, covering his heart with his hands like you had delivered a physical blow to him. "Sorry to intrude, it just looked like you could use some company..." he trailed off, hoping for a response, and continuing anyway when he didn't get one. "So, you're here with your mom visiting for a couple of weeks?"

"How'd you know that?" you asked, the surprise evident on your face.

"It's a small club, word travels fast," he said, glancing back inside "And your mom plus a couple of martinis has gotten just about everyone up to speed."

You groaned, leaning back over the balcony, rubbing your temple. "I'm on sabbatical from my trainwreck of a life back home."

"That good, huh?" he replied lightly.

"You have no idea" you sighed.

He laughed, a hint of bitterness evident in his voice, "I could teach a masterclass on fucked up lives, trust me."

And for some reason, you did. It was like your own pain was a radar, able to pick up on other people's agony and despite his pretty face, you could tell this boy had been through his own.

"JJ" he said finally, extending his hand. You took it hesitantly.

"Y/N" you said in reply.

"Y/N" he said, smiling deeply, letting the sound of it linger and melt on his tongue like the first taste of ice cream on a hot day. "Do you want to get out of here?" he said suddenly.

That stopped you in your tracks. You hadn't been propositioned like that in, well, almost ten years. Everyone at home knew who you were and whose you were and that any attempt at something like that was going to be fruitless.

You held up your left hand in response, letting the ring on your finger speak for itself, a sarcastic look on your face telling JJ this was the end of the line.

He felt his heart skip a beat at that, his mind racing with questions and thoughts. Of course she's engaged. Obviously. But why would someone who's about to get married look so miserable? Where is this guy anyway? I wouldn't let her out of my sight. What do I do. What do I do. What do I do.

"Whoa" he said, not missing a beat despite the cacophony in his head. "I'm not asking you to move in with me, princess. You look miserable and I know a place that's a hell of a lot more fun that this."

The thought of running off with this boy sparked something deep inside you, like someone trying to flick on a lighter- flick flick flick - before your rational mind took over.

"My fiancé--" you started.

JJ looked around mockingly to the left and the right, gesturing to the empty patio "Isn't here" he said simply.

"My mom--" you tried.

"Is enjoying her third martini" he replied, "You can text her and tell her you'll be home by midnight."

"But--" you tried a third time.

"Look, I didn't ask you what your fiancé or your mom or your best friend or anyone else wants you to do. I'm asking what you want to do" he said, extending his hand, "Come with me?" he asked, much more confidently than he felt.

It was the first time in as long as you can remember that you had the freedom and the opportunity to make a decision by yourself for yourself. You reveled in it, letting go of every obligation you had to say no.

You placed your hand in his, meeting his strong gaze, "Let's go."

He led you by the hand down a small set of stairs to a walkway that led directly to the parking lot. You were overwhelmingly grateful for his discretion, both of you knowing better than to parade this situation in front of the onlookers inside. You let go of his hand to type out a quick text to your mom and continued to follow him, so engrossed in trying to word your message that you nearly walked into him as he yanked off his bowtie and vest and loosened several buttons on his shirt. You hit send just as he was handing you something. You registered the helmet in your hands, then the bike in front of you.

"No way" you scoffed "Absolutely not."

"Come on" he said, waving you over, ignoring your comments. You took a hesitant step forward and before you knew what was happening, he was kneeling in front of you, grabbing the hem of your dress and rolling it delicately up your leg, revealing your three-inch heels, your calves, his fingers barely touching you, the featherlight passes sending goosebumps up your legs. As his hands nearly reached your knees, you managed to find your words, "H-Hey what are y-you doing?" you asked, your mind completely disconnected from your mouth at the sensation of his fingers on you. He bunched the dress to one side and tied it in a tight knot.

"Can't have it getting tangled in the wheel" he said cheekily as he straightened up, taking the helmet out of your hands and stepping towards you, both of you nearly chest to chest. He smiled devilishly at the blush on your cheeks before sliding the helmet over your head and reaching to gently snap the straps in place.

He pulled his own helmet on and straddled the bike effortlessly, scootching forward to give you room behind him. You settled in, the sloped curve of the seat sliding you right into him, your thighs resting against his hips, your front flush to his back. You looked around for something anything to hold onto as he revved the engine.

"Please hang on to me" he turned to say, picking up on your defiance of the situation. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, but I also don't want you to die, so it's really the lesser of two evils at this point."

Resigned, you pressed into him, wrapping your hands around his strong core.

"Good?" he asked.

"I think so" you replied hesitantly.

And you were off.

The bike skidded slightly in the gravel, picking up speed as he shot down the driveway at the club.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. You thought to yourself, realizing too late how enormously stupid it was to get on a dirt bike in a dress and three-inch heels with a complete stranger. It sounded like the start to a 48-hour mystery.

And yet.

As JJ navigated the narrow streets confidently, crossing the bridge to the beach, you loosened your death grip just enough to look around and take in the twinkling lights of the homes in the distance, the blink of the lighthouse, the sound of the crashing waves and the warm wind whipping your hair back under the helmet. You closed your eyes, took a deep breath of the salty air and realized you felt surprisingly okay. For the first time since you read those texts the simmering rage and frustration that had been building up inside of you felt more like a warm pot of soup simmering on the stove than a kettle hissing with boiling water. It was contained, manageable.

JJ pulled over amongst a line of other cars and bikes at the beach. As he cut off the engine you could hear the distinct sound of a party, chattering voices, bumping music and you could make out the flickering light of several bonfires as you slid off the bike and pulled your helmet off, frantically trying to untangle your wind-whipped hair. JJ took in your mussed hair, wrinkled dress and rosy cheeks, pink from the adrenaline of the ride and smiled. "You're not going to need those here" he said, pointing to your heels. You slid them off, letting your toes rest in the cool sand as he led the way.

He navigated expertly around the crowd, dodging drunk people, waving to others as they called out to him. He was clearly well-loved and even your brief interaction told you why, his easygoing, laid-back, friendly nature and quick smile were welcoming and inviting, magnetic. It made your fears and anxieties slip away, like as long as you were in his orbit, nothing could go wrong, everything was always good times and sunshine and nothing else mattered. Despite the distractions, wherever he walked, he continued to look back at you to make sure you were still behind him, smiling at you as he waved you forward. You finally found your way to a small bonfire surrounded by a few people that eagerly cheered upon seeing him and tossed him a beer.

He quickly introduced you to his friends and you tried your best to remember their names and nicknames, Kie? Pope? John B (the middle initial seemed very important), Sarah and Cleo. They welcomed you with open arms, literally hugging you, the girls tugging on your dress, overwhelming you with compliments. You weren't sure if it was the booze or if they were always this nice, but you felt immediately at ease. You could tell they were a tight-knit group the way they interacted with each other, a familial casualty in the way they leaned on one another around the bonfire, finished each other's sentences and traded inside jokes. And for the first time in a long time, you just let yourself be. You didn't care that your hair was a tangled mess, that your dress was wrinkled and now covered in sand or that you were drinking Corona. You let the beer and the conversation flow, soaking in the genuine presence of the people around you.

JJ settled on the opposite side of the fire, content to watch you through the flames that lit your face in an orange glow. You already looked like a completely different version of yourself than he had seen on the balcony, like a physical weight had been lifted from your shoulders as you laughed unabashedly. His heart swelled with the thought that he was the reason for the smile on your face. He couldn't tear his gaze away as he looked at you, fidgeting with the label on his beer, barely bringing it to his lips which sat in a permanent smile.

John B looked from his best friend to the new girl and back again. He knew that look on JJ’s face, though he’d never seen it directed at a girl before. It was the same look he’d had the last time they surfed the surge: determination, admiration, desire. It was undeniable. As was the giant ring on her finger. That look and that ring were at odds with one another and he knew he needed to quash this, now.

He nudged JJ and tilted his head away from the group. JJ sighed, hanging his head. He knew this was coming. He stood up, smiling at you quickly before walking away. When he caught up with John B out of earshot, they didn’t dance around the topic at hand.

“What are you doing, man?” John B asked.

“Chillin’, drinkin’ some beers with my friends” JJ replied smartly, taking a long sip of his beer to avoid eye contact.

“You know what I mean, JJ, what are you doing with Y/N?” John B insisted, tone serious.

“I’m just trying to show her a good time” JJ said nonchalantly, shrugging.

“Don’t bullshit me, man” John B said, the frustration in his voice evident, “I see the way you’re looking at her and I also see that rock on her hand. It’s a no-go amigo. Not cool.”

The smirk on JJ’s face disappeared as he grew uncharacteristically serious. He dropped his eyes to the sand, kicking it around with his feet, trying to find a way to put into words what he knew to be true in his heart. She’s not happy. I can make her happy. I know I can make her happy.

“You didn’t see her earlier” he started, eyes downcast, feet continuing to kick the sand around. “She’s miserable, she’s caught up in typical kook bullshit, like she’s never had a day of fun in her life… the look on her face…” he stopped himself, heart clenching at the thought. “I know this is crazy, man, but I don’t think she wants to marry this guy.”

“She said that?” John B said, surprised.

“…Not exactly” JJ replied.

John B huffed, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation. “So, what? You’re psychic now? C'mon man” he said, urging his friend to see reason.

JJ cast his eyes down again.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt” John B continued. “This isn’t going to end like you think this is going to end. She’s going to have her two weeks of fun and then she’s going to go right back to her kook life and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces.”

JJ shook his head. John B’s words warring with the images in his head that played like a movie, the sorrow on your face as you looked out at the ocean, the way your eyes sparkled in the twinkling lights on the balcony, the blush of your cheeks as he pulled your helmet on, the tug of your arms around his chest and the feeling of you pressed tightly to him. You were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. You knew he was just a bus boy and you agreed to leave with him, you slipped your hand into his, you got on his bike, you’d met his friends. No. There was something there. And he was going to chase it, even if it destroyed him in the process. He clenched his jaw and looked up at John B, determination in his eyes. “I’m doing this. You’re either with me or you’re not, but I’m doing this” he said resolutely.

John B’s heart sank as he sighed deeply. JJ was nothing if not stubborn. It made him loyal at the best of times and rockheaded at the worst of times. It was both his best and his worst quality. “I’m always with you, man” he said, regret already evident in his voice.

JJ’s signature smirk returned to his lips as he tipped his beer forward for a cheers. “To terrible ideas?”

“To terrible ideas.”

The next morning, you rested a cool bottle of water against your forehead as you leaned back in your poolside recliner at the club, hoping to ease the pang of your pounding headache and hangover. Your mom was polite enough not to comment, happy to be in her element after a morning of tennis and a tee time booked later this afternoon as she lay beside you chattering away. You nodded along, inserting comments when necessary as you closed your eyes and let yourself drift back to the night before. It had been so different from your life back home, but so right at the same time. You thought about JJ, his smirk, the goofy stories he told and you found yourself smiling. A pang of guilt resonated deep in your chest. You pushed it down, telling yourself that JJ could be a good friend, nothing more.

"Your drink, m'am" the poolside attendant said, setting down a Corona and pulling you out of your reverie. This caught your mother's attention.

"A beer? Really, Y/N, have some decorum, it's 10:30 in the morning" she said with disdain.

"Thank you" you said kindly to the attendant, trying to defuse the situation, "But I didn't order this." He looked around uncomfortably as he smiled, "It's on the house" he said, before waving politely and making a quick exit.

Your mother tsked and turned her attention back to her magazine when you noticed a slip of paper under the beer.

Marina, 1:00 - JJ

Your heart skipped a beat and a smile crept across your face as you happily took a deep sip of your beer, leaning back in your chair, eyes closed in the sun.

You got to the marina on time. Not really sure what outfit the occasion called for, you settled for your bikini, a flowy top and pair of shorts. You ambled along the aisles of boats, trying nonchalantly to look for the familiar mess of blonde hair as your pulse quickened.

"Y/N!" you heard finally, and turned to see JJ and his friends pulling up in a small boat, waving you toward them. You broke into a big smile as you quickly caught up to them and JJ extended a hand to help you inside. There weren't many places to sit, and JJ beckoned you next to him on a large cooler, barely wide enough for the two of you, your bodies pressed next to each other and backs pressed to the side of the boat as John B hit the throttle and the boat took off. He tore through the channel and marsh grass passed by you on either side in streaks of bright greens and yellows as the hot sun licked your skin. The boat jostled as it made its way into choppier ocean water and as it smacked into a wave, JJ's arm rested protectively behind you, not quite touching you, but near enough that you felt pulled into his presence. You smiled shyly to yourself and avoided eye contact with him.

You ended up anchoring just off a sandbar and as soon as the boat was situated, Pope, Kie and Cleo stripped to their bathing suits and eagerly jumped into the water. Much to your surprise, John B and Sarah were right behind them.

"You coming, princess?" JJ said, standing up and tugging his shirt over his head. You swallowed as you took in his athletic body, muscular arms and chiseled chest. Quickly averting your gaze, you peered into the dark, choppy water, well aware of what could be found in those depths: sharks, jellyfish, stingrays the list went on and on. You opened your mouth to protest but when you turned around JJ was doing a backflip off the other side of the boat. You stood up and walked to the other side as he surfaced, shaking the wet hair out of his eyes with a practiced shake of his head. The others were nearby, swimming and splashing and goofing around but JJ was waiting for you, squinting up at you.

"Come on!" he said encouragingly.

"I don't know" you said hesitantly, eyeing the rough water, fear evident in your voice.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise. It's totally safe" he said, extending a hand.

It wasn't like you had a choice. Get over yourself. You thought, trying to muster up your courage as you unbuttoned your shorts and pulled your shirt over your head.

JJ could just see you over the top of the boat from his vantage point in the water and as you pulled your shirt over your head revealing your bikini-clad body a rush of water flowed into his open mouth and he choked on the salt water, coughing loudly. Geeezus he thought.

"You ok?" you asked, leaning over the boat, your hair tumbling over your shoulders, the angle providing him with another vantage point of your cleavage as you watched him cough loudly.

He mustered a thumbs up before wiping a hand over his face. You were going to be the death of him.

"Come on, princess, before I drown" he shouted teasingly.

You stepped up to the side of the boat, toes nearing the edge. Your heart was pounding with the adrenaline in your veins, fear causing your limbs to shake. You looked down and saw JJ's smile, his hand extended and your heartrate slowed. He was right, if he was there, it was going to be okay. So, you jumped.

The cool water shivered over you, causing your limbs to tingle as you surfaced. You wiped the salt water from your eyes and landed on JJ's gaze, basking in it as he smiled widely at you "Atta girl!" he said proudly, before waving you over to his friends.

A day spent swimming and drinking in the sun had you nearly wiped out on the boat ride home. You laid with JJ alone on the bow, you on your back and he on his stomach, turned to face you, about an arm's length away. Your conversation flowed effortlessly. He asked you about your favorite music, favorite movies, arguing with you good naturedly any time he disagreed with your answer, though you found you actually had a lot in common with each other. You both loved the outdoors, the beach, dogs, Bob Marley and tequila. They were little things, but even little bonds formed fast friendships.

"Favorite ice cream?" he asked.

"Cookie dough, hands down" you said without pausing.

"Mmm yes" he agreed, his voice sleepy and his eyes closed. "I could crush some of that right now." A pause. "What about favorite flowers?"

You turned your head to look at him curiously. That seemed like a sneaky question. His lips curled into a smile but he didn't open his eyes and didn't say anything further.

You smiled, closing your own eyes again as you faced the sun. "Peonies" you said simply.

He laughed. "I literally have no idea what those are."

You laughed back, "They're fluffy, the look like clouds. They come in a few different colors but light pink is my favorite. They're really pretty."

"I'll take your word for it" he said.

"Do I get to ask a question now?" you asked.

"Shoot"

"Okay, favorite way to spend the day?"

"Surfing" he said without pause.

"You surf?" you asked enthusiastically before thinking further. "Well, I guess I should have figured..."

"Hmm?" He said, confused, popping an eye open to meet your gaze as you looked at him.

You gestured up and down his body. "It fits. You know, the whole blonde surfer boy thing?"

He smirked. This was too easy. "You got a thing for blonde surfer boys?"

You laughed dismissively, turning your head away, fighting simultaneous feelings of butterflies in your stomach and the guilt lurking somewhere deeper. "Nice try, JJ. No, I just think it's cool. I always wanted to learn how to surf, but my parents were more interested in me taking up golf and ballet."

A brief pause.

"I could teach you?" he offered, hoping that the excitement and eagerness in his voice weren't too obvious.

You looked back at him. "Yeah?" you said, trying to gauge if he was serious.

"Hell yeah" he said, eyes closing again as he grinned from ear to ear.

You agreed to meet JJ at the beach the next morning for your first lesson, slipping out of your house before your mom was awake. The sand tickled your toes as you made your way to the water, the whole landscape awash with the pink and peach hues of the morning sun, the surrounding quiet but for the crash of the waves and the occasional call of the seagulls and pelicans overhead, not yet tainted by people, like you were in a beach-themed snow globe.

You saw him seated in the sand, boards propped up behind him, waiting for you as he looked out on the ocean. It was becoming harder and harder to ignore the physical reaction your body had to being in his presence. Your pulse quickened with excitement, you felt light on your feet, like you could float right over to him, you were craving his smile, the sound of his laughter, his signature smirk and the way his eyes twinkled when they looked at you. You were chasing that high, that relief of being with him so hard that you didn't want to acknowledge that at the same time you were running from reality. Just let me be here in this moment you thought. Just let me enjoy this you told your guilty conscience. You twirled the ring on your finger. Didn't you deserve a break? Wasn't that the reason you were here?

You quashed your warring emotions as you plopped into the sand beside him, turning to smile at him, greeted with the smile you had been missing that seemed to wash all your fear and anxiety away.

You were eager to learn the basics, more eager to impress your instructor. He was patient and extremely knowledgeable as he walked you through each step. Learning to maintain your balance was hard. Focusing on his words, while he occasionally placed his hands on your hips or on your arms to guide you was even harder. He was always respectful, but he'd have to be an idiot not to realize the way you responded to his warm, calloused fingers, the way your body shifted towards him, magnetized.

You ended the morning seated on your boards, bobbing in the ocean together, watching the sun crest fully over the horizon.

"Thank you" you said quietly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful moment as you smiled at him.

"'Course" he said, smirking, "You're not bad, princess."

You blushed at his compliment and the now familiar nickname that neither of your acknowledged, but that you couldn't get enough of. "Do you think we could do this again tomorrow?" you asked.

I would do literally anything to spend more time with you. The fact that you're asking me to surf proves to me that you're the girl of my dreams he thought, biting his tongue.

"Absolutely" he said.

So, you woke up for surf lessons with JJ the next morning, and the next morning and the next morning, falling into a routine that became so automatic neither of you had to ask anymore. You jumped out of bed despite the early mornings, eager to start your days in the warm water with JJ and today was no different. You had graduated to trying to stand on your board in the water and were doing a decent job, teetering slightly as he coached you from the water, leaning one arm on his board until an unexpected wave knocked you off and you surfaced next to him, wiping the salt water from your eyes, balancing one arm on your board as you laughed. You realized suddenly how close you were to him and your breath caught at the way he was looking at you. You were close enough to see his blue eyes tracing your face with the same look from the night you first met, intrigue and something else much much deeper, somewhere between pain and longing that had your heart thundering in your chest. You were nearly chest-to-chest now, as you let the waves carry you closer to each other. Your fingers itched to push his damp hair off his forehead. Neither of you spoke, just taking each other in at this close distance, bobbing in the waves, closer than you'd let yourself get on purpose. He opened his mouth to say something when you felt something slither against your foot.

She was on top of him before he knew what the fuck was going on. Screeching and lunging into his grasp about something that touched her foot, her arms thrown around his shoulders, his one arm naturally coming to catch her, to wrap around her and hold her against him as his other rested on his board to keep them afloat. He would have laughed at her reaction if he could remember how to breath. All he could feel was the sensation of her wet, bare body pressed against his, her warm breath on his neck. He could smell her shampoo, could feel her heart beating next to his. It was like his body took over on instinct, pulling her into him, like it was the most natural thing in the world, gently tugging them away.

"Hey, you're alright, it's alright, probably just a fish or some seaweed or something."

He guided you back to shallower waters, immediately regretting it when your feet brushed the sand and you unwound from him, suddenly embarrassed and aware of what you had done.

"Sorry, I don't know why I did that, that just totally freaked me out" you said.

"No worries" he said, casting one last look at you before grabbing your boards and stepping out of the water.

"Want to grab a coffee? My treat?" you asked, scrambling for some way to make up for what just happened.

"Sure" he said, walking with you to a small coffee shop a few blocks from the beach.

"Hot caramel latte with coconut milk, please" you ordered before turning to him. "Uh, iced black coffee's fine for me" he said, nodding at the barista as you paid.

"Why are you drinking hot coffee when it's nearly 90 degrees outside?" he asked, scrunching up his face like he was going to puke, trying to lighten the heaviness of the morning that sat on you like a damp beach towel and feeling much better when he succeeded in making you laugh.

"I don't like when iced coffee melts and it gets all watered down" you shrugged "I've always been that way." You smiled at him before you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You pulled it out to read the caller ID: Carson Peters. Your heart sank so fast in your stomach it was like you had the wind knocked out of you. JJ was watching you closely and could see the way your shoulders slumped, your brow furrowed and your lips turned down. It was like watching a flower wilt, something so beautiful that stood so tall and radiant, deflating, coming apart. His heart hurt to watch it and he wanted to sucker punch whoever was on the other side of that phone.

You looked up at him with doe eyes, "Sorry, I have to take this" you said, and without waiting for a response you stepped outside.

You had been gone for nearly a week without hearing from Carson apart from a few text messages. You didn't know what you hoped to hear on the other end. What if he found out that you knew? What if he was calling to apologize? To beg you to come home? You glanced back at the coffee shop, mind flickering between the boy inside and the boy on the phone. You slid your finger across the screen to pick it up.

"Hi Car" you said, managing to keep your voice calm, eager to hear what he would say. You could hear some muffled noises, like he was rustling around.

"Car?" you asked again.

"Hey! Hey Y/N" he said, out of breath, his voice rushed. "Do you know where my blue sneakers are? I looked in the garage and in the back of the closet..." He rambled on but you had stopped listening. He was calling to ask where his sneakers were? You hadn't talked in almost six days and he was asking about his sneakers? His ignorance and the audacity he had to carry on his mundane, stupid life while you were battling your own future reignited the rage deep within you. You could have screamed as angry, frustrated tears welled up in your eyes.

"They're by the back door, in the basket" you said, interrupting him, your voice quivering with anger. You could hear him padding down the stairs.

"Shit, you're right, there they are, thanks, babe!" he said "You having fun with your mom? You'll be home next weekend, right?"

"Yup" you said cooly. "Look, I've got to go, I'll talk to you later."

"Ok!" He said, missing your tone completely. "Love you!"

Liar. You thought, and hung up.

JJ lay flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as he twiddled with the rings on his fingers. He leaned over to glance at his phone: 3:30 AM. He couldn't sleep. His mind was whirling as he thought about how in one short week you had eclipsed his every waking thought, and now his sleep too. He had been drawn to your beauty, which was undeniable. You were perfect in every sense of the word, his body ached at the memory of you pressed against him in the ocean. Honestly, a shark could have bitten his leg off and he would have died a happy man spending his last moment on earth surfing in the sunrise, you latched to him, you wanting his arms around you, to hold you close, to protect you. God how he wanted that with you. More than he'd ever wanted anything, he was sure of that. But what he was feeling was more than physical desire. He loved getting to know you. He loved your personality. He loved how you were willing to try new things and put yourself out there, even though he knew it scared you. Riding dirt bikes and jumping in shark infested waters, you were braver than you gave yourself credit for. Perhaps more than anyone had ever given you credit for. Which is why he couldn't understand the last piece of your puzzle. He was pretty sure that phone call was from your fiancé, but why did you look so miserable? Why couldn't you just break things off if he didn't make you happy? Why can't she just be with me instead? he thought. If that was what you really wanted, he knew you were brave enough to do it, but did you? He flopped over and pulled his pillow over his head.

That Sunday night found you back at the Island Club for dinner with your mom. This time, she had eagerly invited several couples to join you and they spent the whole night discussing politics and humble bragging to each other. You smiled, nodded and laughed at all the right times like the circus animal you were tamed to be, each comment grating on you more and more until your eyes caught something over the shoulder of the woman across from you: a mop of blonde hair peeking out from the hallway, a hand waving wildly to get your attention and pointing to the back door while also trying to be subtle and failing miserably. You blushed deeply and laughed, trying too late to cover it up, which caught your mom's attention and halted conversation at the table. "I'm so sorry, will you please excuse me?" you said, standing up and walking to the back door without waiting for a response.

You pushed outside and looked around for JJ. There were people everywhere with some sort of event going on, a DJ mixed a sweet soundtrack that drifted out over the ocean in the background. You spotted him in the back corner of the balcony, near where you had first met.

"Oh my god, thank you" you said, exhaling loudly. "If I had to listen to Mr. Wheeler's play-by-play of his round of golf today any longer, I was going to pass out."

JJ laughed and nodded towards the beach, "My shift isn't over for another hour, but wanna go for a walk?"

You nodded eagerly, following him down the stairs and making your way to the beach, tugging off your heels and letting your toes sink into the cool sand.

You walked in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the DJ and the ocean as you quietly began humming the song that had just come on, one of your favorites, a summer classic, dancing in the moonlight.

You caught JJ shimmying to the beat next to you, which made you laugh. He caught your eye, smiling wide at your reaction and started dancing in earnest, moving his hips and arms in time with the beat. What you thought would be goofy ended up being impressive and undeniably attractive, he had moves and your eyes twinkled as you took him in, laughing and clapping, cheering him on when he reached out to grab your hand and pull you along with him, the two of you dancing, jumping and singing as he twirled you around to the beat. It was effortlessly fun. You didn't care about looking silly next to him and the way he was looking at you boosted your confidence tenfold. You both laughed harder as he spun you around once more, dramatically, as the song came to an end. You were both breathless, smiling at each other, your hand still wrapped in his as the next song faded in.

It was a slow song and it was like the minutes slowed in time with the beat as he squeezed your hand gently and pulled you into him, raising your hand in his while his other rested respectfully at your midback in a slow dance position. Neither of you said anything. It felt natural, easy, unforced, like everything did with him. You didn't have to think as you slipped your arm around his shoulder and let your head rest on his chest as he swayed you back and forth. You let your eyes flutter closed as you listened to the lyrics.

When the time is up and the sun it dies

'Til the rivers flood and the ocean dries

Hand in hand under the falling sky

I will love you...

The song was ethereal and beautiful and the lyrics tugged at your heart. You could feel tears pinprick your eyes without warning.

So many say it and it's all a lie

But I will love you...

The lyrics sounded like wedding vows and you nuzzled deeper into JJ's chest, drinking in the comforting smell that was distinctly him, the feeling of his arm around you, holding you to his chest and you let yourself imagine what it would be like to say these things to someone and mean them. To say them to someone you felt them for. To say them to someone you picked, instead of someone that was simply predestined for you.

You hadn't let out a sound, but as with so many other things between you, JJ could sense your feelings. He let your hand go, bringing both arms around, pulling you deeper in to him, resting his head on top of yours, whispering your name, a plea, a prayer, a question that you weren't ready to answer. As you continued to sway he let himself imagine what it would be like to say these things to you. To say everything he wanted to say to you, freely, without guilt or shame or fear of what you might say or not say back to him.

Before the song could fade out, the ocean crashed beside you, rushing up to soak your feet unexpectedly and you pulled away as the cool water brought you back to reality. You grabbed the hem of your dress, wiping discretely at the tears on your face as you looked up at JJ, his eyes on you, mouth parted like he wanted to say something, a look on his face you hadn't seen before. He was normally so happy, so carefree, but he was stone serious as he reached out a hand to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ears.

"JJ" you whispered, your eyes closing as his fingers brushed your cheek.

He pulled his hand back.

"Let's get you back, princess" he said quietly, "Don't want them to send a search party." You didn't miss the somber look on his face as he slung his arm over your shoulder like nothing had happened.

You lay flat on your bed, staring up at the ceiling as you twirled the ring on your finger. You leaned over to glance at your phone: 2:30 AM. You couldn't sleep. Usually, you crashed into bed after you spent your day surfing and soaking up more sun and Corona than you could remember, but the knowledge that you were heading home to face reality in just a few days had you tossing and turning. What you knew in your mind and what you wanted in your heart raging an endless battle that was tearing you apart. You knew that your parents had painstakingly planned every aspect of your life to be set up for success. A life with Carson meant wanting for nothing. You would have everything at your fingertips: a house, a car, designer clothes and five-star vacations, seven-bedroom rental homes and country clubs. You would want for nothing, except love and affection. Your heart told you that you had thought you had loved Carson, thought you knew what love was before you had come here, before you met JJ. Love wasn't houses and cars and a carefully planned future. Love was stolen glances over a bonfire, safe arms when you were scared, hugs when you were sad, barefoot dances on the beach, your name on his lips. Love was being scared of something and doing it anyway. And you had never been more scared in your life. You flipped over, pulling your pillow over your head.

The next morning it was like nothing had happened the night before, you and JJ falling into your casual but flirty familiarity during your morning surf session. You were both seated on your boards bobbing with the waves next to each other when JJ nudged you and pointed a little further down the shoreline in the water. You covered your eyes, squinting when you saw a burst of water and a dolphin crested the waves. You squealed with delight as you realized it was a whole school of dolphins, maybe 6 or 8, headed your way. You both watched in reverence as they swam closer, circling around you, maybe 10 feet away. You had never experienced anything like that in your life, your head turning every which way to take them in before looking at JJ and laughing.

Your joy was contagious and he laughed with a knowing smile. "They're good luck, you know" he said. You turned to him, curious. "They symbolize guidance, fun and freedom" he continued "And typically mean that good fortune is on its way." He looked around smugly before saying under his breath "...I'll take all the good luck I can get..." as he began to paddle in. The weight of his words not lost on you as you followed him.

That night you eagerly recounted the story to your mom, gushing over the amazing experience of being so close to such beautiful animals. She smiled and squeezed your hand, "I'm so glad you've had a chance to relax. I told you this is just what you needed" before changing the subject tactfully. "The wedding planner called to confirm the last security deposit has been settled for the venue and the band."

Your head snapped up at her, surprised.

"Mom" you started, your voice heavy with tension and trepidation.

"Y/N, this has been a great vacation. You've had your fun and that's what's important, but it's time to start thinking about reality."

The realization hit you and you could feel the dread and anxiety seeping over your body like someone had cracked an egg on your head. It oozed over you, sticky, thick and suffocating. Your family had no intention of letting you break off your engagement. This was a distraction as they continued to weave their web of deceit around you. Your mom had continued planning the wedding this whole time.

You stood up, shaking with the sudden urge to run, the need to be physically anywhere but here. "I'm going out" you said suddenly, grabbing a sweatshirt and your phone as you started walking toward the front door, ignoring your mother's pleas as you slammed it behind you and ran down the steps into the street, letting your feet create the distance you needed.

Hot, angry tears burned in your eyes and ran down your face as your fingers scrambled to your phone, dialing JJ's number before you could think more about it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and stood to his feet when he saw your name on the caller ID. It was late, later than you'd ever called him before. He danced on the balls of his feet, trying to think of the best way to answer before swiping to pick up the call.

"Hey, princess!" he said, kicking himself for how desperate and eager he sounded.

"Jayj?" you said, your voice a strained cry and his smile immediately dropped, his feet moving on autopilot towards the front door. You weren't okay. "Can you come get me?" you asked.

"I'm on my way" he said, sprinting to a run as he hopped on his bike.

He found you walking on the side of the road a few blocks from the beach, killing the engine on his bike and tipping it into the dirt, not bothering with the kickstand as he ran up to you. You reached your arms up and he pulled you into a deep hug, nearly lifting you off your feet as his arms wrapped tightly around you, his head buried next to yours as you began to cry anew. His heart clenched, a physical pain in his chest as he felt the pain rolling off of you, squeezing you tighter like he could pull it out of you and take it on himself. He didn't try to quiet you down or ask questions, he just let you cry, rocking you side to side, rubbing your back. The sweetness of his touch making you cry even harder.

"I can't do it, JJ" you whispered, muffled in his shirt. His heart hammered in his chest. Did he hear you right? Can't do what? What is she talking about?

"I don't want to marry him, I can't marry him" you said, speaking the words you had felt in your heart but hadn't dared let yourself think or say out loud until now. His heart was beating so hard he was sure you could feel it. If it wasn't for the current circumstances he would have leapt into the air, fist pumped and thrown it in John B's face. He pulled away to look at you and you quickly covered your face with your hands in shame and embarrassment as you tried to wipe the away your tears.

"Come on" he said, putting his arm around you and walking you towards the beach. He needed a damn minute to think.

Your tears turned into sniffles which had turned into ragged breaths by the time you reached the beach, making your way towards the ocean, leaning heavily on JJ as he held onto you.

You walked along the water in silence as you tried to catch your breath and think of what to say. You only had one day left and it felt like if you started talking now even that wouldn't be enough time to say everything you needed to say. You stopped abruptly and turned to him. It was now or never.

"I come from a lot of money, JJ. My family, my dad, our company, it's sort of a big deal where I come from" you squirmed with embarrassment, but knew he needed to hear the whole truth. "My fiancé - Carson-" you squirmed again. Saying his name here, with JJ, in this sacred place felt so wrong, sour on your tongue, but you pushed through, "-He's taking over the company. It's all arranged as part of our engagement, our wedding, so that it stays in the family. If I don't marry him, then we don't have a plan for the business when my dad retires. Carson has been working there for years now, they've already developed a succession plan, put out the press releases..." you continued to spiral, babbling on about the business, the consequences, like you were trying to convince yourself, maybe even convince JJ why this wasn't such an easy decision. You looked up at him and your heart sank at the complete confusion on his face. "You don't get it" you said, disappointed.

"Oh, I'm following you" he reassured you "but I haven't heard you say one thing about what you want. I hear loud and clear what your dad wants, what-" he grimaced, head cocked in anger "he wants" refusing to say your fiancé's name, "But, what about you?"

Your mind echoed back to the first conversation you had with your mother.

"Sweetheart, this isn't just about you."

"THIS IS ABOUT ME! THIS IS MY LIFE!" you had shouted.

And you realized JJ was the first person to acknowledge that you were squarely in the middle of this situation, that this was in fact about you. You hung your head.

JJ mustered his courage to ask the one question he didn't want to ask but desperately needed the answer to. The one with the power to save his life or crush his heart.

"Do you love him?" he murmured.

You were shaking your head before you could register your own movement. Like your body needed JJ to know the words you couldn't say out loud. You looked up at him, biting your lower lip, tears in your eyes again, shaking your head in earnest now as he looked at you like his heart was breaking and mending and breaking again in front of you.

"He's cheating on me" you said finally, the last piece of the puzzle sliding into place as you hung your head again.

"He what?" JJ said incredulously, his voice rising.

"He's cheating on me, sleeping with my best friend" you repeated, like he didn't hear you. You registered him walking away and looked up to see him pacing angrily away from you, hands on his head.

"JJ?" you said and he stopped walking, back still to you as he leaned over and cradled his head in his hands like he physically couldn't take the information you had just shared with him. After a moment, he stood up and walked back over to you.

"Princess" he said, his voice pleading with you as he took your face in his hands gently, emotion thick in his voice, squashing the anger simmering just under the surface. "I can't tell you what to do, I won't tell you what to do, you have enough people in your life doing that for you. All I can do is tell you how I feel because I've been trying to do it for the past week but didn't want to misread the situation. The first night I saw you I thought, no, I knew you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my entire life. I told myself that if you even deigned to speak to me that I would do anything I could to make sure I put a smile on your face every day. That's what I've tried to do, to make you smile, to make you happy, to show you some fun, but along the way it became a whole lot more than that."

"JJ" you whispered, your bottom lip quivering.

He continued without pausing, "It wasn't enough just to go swimming together or go surfing or be out on the boat. I was craving you every moment we were apart, craving the chance to make you laugh, to be the reason there's a smile on those goddamn perfect lips, to see that twinkle in your eye, to grab your attention, even if it's to laugh at me or something stupid I said, I literally didn't care. I only have eyes for you... You know what I thought that day we were surfing and you thought there was something in the water?"

You shook your head.

"I thought that a shark could have bitten my leg off and I would have been the happiest guy in the world to spend my last damn moments on earth surfing with you, knowing that you were in my arms, that you felt safe in my arms, that you wanted to be in my arms" he choked up a bit at that. "That's not normal Y/N. Nothing I feel about you is normal. What we have isn't normal. It's fucking extraordinary. I'm falling in love with you, Y/N. Hard."

Tears slid down your cheeks as your lips continued to wobble. JJ pulled your face closer to his, now just inches away as he held your face in his palms, gently but firmly. He was biting his lower lip, eyes glancing at your lips.

You closed your eyes, pursing your lips. You felt him move forward when you whispered, "JJ, I can't, we can't. I'm engaged, and I won't do to him what he's done to me."

He sighed heavily as he rested his forehead against yours before pulling you back into his arms in a warm hug. He admired your morals and hated them at the same time.

"What are you going to do, princess?" he asked quietly after a few minutes.

"I don't know" you said, your voice barely a whisper as you hugged him closer. Willing the world to stop turning, so you didn't have to face tomorrow.

You wouldn't have wanted to spend your last morning anywhere else as you and JJ paddled out to surf. There was a thick tension in the air and an uncharacteristic seriousness about him that ebbed away but never fully disappeared as you fell into your normal rhythms, though this time it was you trying to make him laugh rather than the other way around. You could feel him looking at you closely as you bobbed in the waves, like he was trying to memorize you, afraid you would slip away.

You spent the rest of the day packing and going through the motions, in denial at the idea of leaving the place and the person that had become so special to you.

Your friends wanted to throw you a goodbye party at the chateau, which you managed to enjoy despite the circumstances. Your heart squeezed at the idea of leaving more than just the rolling beach, the morning surf and the blonde boy behind, but also a group of genuine friends, so drastically different than your so-called friends back at home.

JJ gave you a ride home that night. It felt fitting to spend your last night on the back of his bike, your bodies molded together comfortably as you leaned into him, resting your head on his back, hugging his abs with practiced ease. You had traded your dress and high heels for a damp bikini, shorts and one of his sweatshirts and you no longer worried about getting your hair tangled. A lot had changed in two weeks.

He rolled slowly up to your driveway, cutting off the engine but refusing to move, like if he didn't get off the bike, then he didn't have to say goodbye. You slid off the back, pulled off your helmet and shook out your hair like you'd been doing it the whole summer. JJ took off his own and let his eyes roam over you, the relaxed way your body moved, the sunburn on your nose from your days in the sun, the way you looked in his sweatshirt. He had told himself he was going to show you a good time and he had. If nothing else, he was happy to give you that, even if you didn't share his feelings. He got off the bike and looked down at you, smiling sweetly but sadly as he brushed his thumb over your cheek.

"I don't want to say goodbye" he said sadly.

You stomach churned with a guilt different from the one you had felt all week. You weren't guilty for the way you felt about JJ anymore. You were guilty for the look he had on his face right now, like you had taken this happy and carefree boy and run his heart over with his own bike.

"Please don't be sad" you said pleadingly.

"How can I not be sad?" he said with a bitter laugh, "You're leaving me."

"I'm not leaving you" you said pointedly. "I have to go home, I have to figure things out."

"And then what?" he pressed boldly, kicking himself at the fear and anger evident in his voice as he dropped his hand from your face.

"And then, I don't know!" you said, exasperated. "I'm doing the best I can, JJ. It's just a lot to figure out."

"Seems pretty simple to me" he said tartly.

You sighed in frustration.

"I'm sorry" he said quickly, "I don't want to fight with you. I'm just sad my surfing buddy is leaving" he joked, trying to lighten the mood as he leaned over to hug you. You curled into his arms, pressing your body firmly against his in a hug much more intimate than one shared with a friend as he nuzzled into your neck and the warmth of his breath tickled your skin. You swayed back and forth like that for a moment before you finally let go. You met his midnight blue eyes one last time as they drank you in. A sweet smile rested on his lips as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "Come back to me, princess" he said, stepping back and taking one last look at you before he hopped on his bike and rode down the street.

You managed to make it all the way to your room and into your bed before you cried loudly into your pillow, tugging his sweatshirt around you.

You were up early the next morning for your flight. When your alarm blared it felt like you hadn't slept more than an hour. You blearily showered and got dressed, stuffing JJ's sweatshirt deep into your suitcase before dragging it downstairs. You and your mom sipped your coffees in silence, trading glares over your mugs before you stepped outside to load up the car. You had wrangled your suitcase to the bottom of the stairs before you looked up and dropped your suitcase at your feet, your eyes transfixed on the single pink peony resting on the hood of your car. You ran over to, looking for a note and smiling when you didn't find one. You didn't need a note, you knew who it was from. You held it close to your chest like you could reach him through it. You finished packing the car and your mother pointedly ignored the flower as you tucked it into your purse.

The flight back home was uneventful but for the blanket of silence that rested over the two of you. The veil of the fun girls' getaway torn away to reveal the farce that it was.

So much had changed for you in the two weeks you were gone that you were surprised when you pulled into your driveway to see everything exactly as you'd left it. Your life had been flipped on its head, but this reality continued, unchanging. It felt like your house should have burned to the ground or that everyone around you should know what happened in the Outer Banks, but they didn't, they carried on and tugged you along with them in a whirlwind of dinner parties and wedding planning. You followed in dazed confusion, like a toddler aimlessly follows a parent. You touched the clothes in your closet, ran your hand over your kitchen counter like you were a stranger in your own home, like they belonged to someone else. This didn't feel like a part of you anymore.

JJ texted you relentlessly, and even tried calling, but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up and deleted the texts before reading them. You didn't want to torture yourself with something you could never have, as you felt everything you had with him slipping through your fingers.

Before you knew it, three weeks had passed. You felt like a zombie. Carson could tell something was off, even he wasn't that stupid. When he went to kiss you, you turned away and gave him your cheek instead, and when he reached for you in bed you rolled away and he also turned away, aggressive in his rejection. His touch made your skin crawl.

On the morning of the fourth week since you were back you were surprised to find a note on your bedside table when you woke up.

Come downstairs, I have a surprise for you ❤️

That shouldn't have made you gag. You wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but you weren't sleeping well anyway. You pulled yourself up, groaning, tugging on your robe and slippers and padding downstairs to the kitchen. Your breath caught in your throat. Every surface had a bursting bouquet of pink roses. As Carson saw you enter the room, he handed you an iced latte from Starbucks. "Iced caramel latte and pink roses!" he said, clearly thrilled with himself. "Your favorites!" You looked down at the iced beverage, ice already half melted and looked around at the pink flowers, all the wrong type. You looked at your large kitchen with marble countertops and the open floorplan that poured into a designer-decorated living room as you thought about the single pink peony on your car. You sighed, tears rising up. You set the coffee down on the counter and turned to face Carson. You were scared. Terrified. You were making a cataclysmic life decision that you weren't sure you had the courage to make. You thought about the feeling of a dirt bike skidding out beneath your three-inch heels, you thought about dark choppy waves filled with sharks and jellyfish and slimy things that tickled your toes and then you thought about warms arms and a blonde-haired boy that promised you that if you had a little courage, everything was going to be okay. You reached for your ring and tugged it off your finger, placing it in Carson's hand.

It had been four weeks and John B didn't have it in him to tell JJ he had been right all along as he watched his best friend trudge through the days like he was sleepwalking. He was doing all of the JJ things with none of the JJ energy. He paddled out to surf with them but let wave after wave go by as he stared blankly out at the ocean, like he was hoping you would appear out of thin air. He went to parties and didn't touch a drop of alcohol. He smiled and laughed but none of it reached his eyes and when he thought no one was looking, he sunk quietly into himself, brows furrowed, hands running over his face, eyes fixed on his phone, willing it to ring.

Now JJ was kicked back at the chateau, laying in the hammock by himself in silence, staring out over the marsh.

"This is so depressing" Pope said as he looked over at him and the group nodded in agreement.

Sarah's phone chimed and she pulled it out of her pocket, her eyes quickly scanning the text as a grin spread on her face and she beckoned the group around her quietly.

As the night came to a close and everyone was getting ready to leave, Sarah shot John B a knowing look.

"Hey JJ - we surfin' our spot tomorrow?" he asked.

"I don't know, man" JJ said lazily as he rolled out of the hammock and trudged over to the group. "I might just stay in, get some sleep... you know..." he trailed off.

Sarah shot John B another look, urging him on.

"Come on, man, the waves are supposed to be tight with that storm rolling off Florida. Boys day!" he said, pointing at Pope.

"Y-yeah!" Pope said, picking up late on the hint, "Boys day, come on!"

"Fine, fine" JJ said, waving them off as he wandered over to his bike. "I'll see y'all in the morning." As the bike kicked up dust, John B and Pope pounded fists.

JJ barely managed to pull himself out of bed. He felt nauseous. Sick. He couldn't remember the last time he ate. That probably had something to do with it. The ache in his heart probably had more to do with it. He lazily pulled on a bathing suit off the floor, grabbed his board and hopped on his bike. He didn't want to be grilled for missing 'boys day', whatever that meant.

He was pissed to see he was the first one there as he trudged down to the water, sticking his board in the sand and flopping down onto his back, bringing an arm to cover his eyes from the early morning sun. He was so deep in his own head, he didn't hear the sound of the sand kicking up beside him.

"Laying alone in the sand at 6:00 in the morning, isn't a great way to meet people" a voice said.

He thought he was hallucinating as he shot up, eyes searching for the source of the voice and coming to land on you. You were in his favorite bikini, one hand covering your eyes from the sun as you smiled at him, one hand on your hip. He stood up so quickly he nearly lost his balance in the sand.

"Y/N?" he said, confusion and awe clear in his voice along with a thousand unspoken questions. What are you doing here? What does this mean? He was frozen to the spot, mouth opening and closing, clearly trying to string together a sentence when you flashed your left hand at him like you had the first night you met, letting the lack of a ring speak for itself. His eyes grew wide at the sight, his heart wanting so desperately to believe what his eyes could see.

Please don't let this be a dream. Please don't let this be a dream he thought as he walked towards you. When he finally placed his hands on either side of your face, when his fingers made contact with your warm skin, confirming you weren't a figment of his imagination, his smile was back as he grinned from ear to ear, eyes twinkling as he threw his head back and let out a loud "WOOOOO!" before scooping you into his arms and spinning you around. Your heart soared. He was like a little kid on a candy high as he spun you around and then took off for the water, sprinting into the ocean as you both laughed and tumbled into the waves together, momentarily losing your grasp on one another before you resurfaced and his arms reached out for you underwater, tugging you towards him again, your arms wrapping around his neck, your legs wrapping around his waist, your bodies perfectly molded to one another.

Something about being back in the water together where you had spent so much time stealing glances, brushing limbs and dancing around each other heightened the tension as your wet bodies pressed tightly together. All of him was pressed against all of you. You were hypersensitive to each other's touch; no longer forbidden, no longer secret. He ran his hand up your back and his thick arms encircled you, the simple touch mind-numbingly sexy after so much time apart. You brushed his damp hair off his forehead, letting your fingers tangle in his blonde locks, your faces inches from each other. He smiled at the feeling of your fingers in his hair. He couldn't wait any longer, he pulled you into him. He tasted like saltwater and sunscreen and summer. He kissed you deeply and passionately, a hand behind your head as he flicked his tongue against your lower lip and you let it curl into your mouth, reciprocating with your own. He pulled you impossibly closer to him as you bobbed in the waves together. You paused, trying to pull back. There was a lot you needed to say. "MmMm" he said, shaking his head against yours, refusing to break the kiss and instead kissing your deeper as he let his hands roam over your body. Your head was swimming, dizzy with his touch.

"JJ!" you managed to sneak out finally, taking his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you. "There's a lot I need to say."

"I think you're speaking loud and clear" he said, squeezing you and running a hand down to squeeze your ass, making you laugh as you slapped his shoulder playfully.

"I mean it!" you said, giggling, and he took the opportunity to kiss you again quickly. You took his face in your hands, tone serious. "I'm sorry I didn't see what was right in front of me. I-I was scared. Scared to walk away from what I knew even if it wasn't what I wanted. I know that might not make sense, but you gave me the courage to do it. To go after what I wanted for me, for my life."

He smiled, meeting your strong gaze with his, "Nah, princess, you did that all on your own."

"Well, if it wasn't abundantly obvious" you said, "I'm falling in love with you too, JJ Maybank. Hard." You could barely get the words out before he crashed his lips to yours again, capturing your smile with his own.

taglist: @ietss, @gillybear17, @palmwinemami, @sweetestdesire, @m-indkiller, @ashlaylayxd

[alimaybankkk]

Could I request a JJ X reader movie night HC?❤️

𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬

summary: movie night with the pogues (mostly jj)

warnings: fluff!

pairing: jj maybank x reader

a/n: i seriously can’t write headcanons so here’s a blurb 😭😭

“you got a popcorn machine?” you laugh in surprise.

jj spreads his arms, presenting the machine he stupidly bought. you ran up into his arms, hugging him like a koala. “you’re crazy.”

he only laughed and kissed your forehead before watching as the other friends inspected the machine.

“jj, this was so unnecessary,” kie laughed.

jj shrugged, and you finally pulled away. “john b got a projector…”

everyone nodded, suddenly realizing that maybe jj was right.

you grabbed a can of beer and gave it to jj. he kissed your forehead thankfully and grabbed your hand.

you’d all decided to get some pool rafts, blankets, and pillows to lay across the yard. it was a fun idea, and now that you looked at it put in action, it looked so fun.

you giggled and pulled jj over to the biggest raft, that way the top of you could fit into it.

“what’s up?” he asked, looking at your smile.

you just shook your head, leaning it on his shoulder. “you’re incredible.”

“thought i was crazy.” he laughed.

*** the movie was playing. it was a random movie jj had insisted on watching, and although it was his choice, he had not paid one bit of attention the entire time.

“jj,” you whispered as he turned around completely. he was laid down, head on your stomach as he reached up to play with your hair. it felt so nice.

“i’m bored,” he whispered, and you shushed him.

“just go to sleep,” you told him, reaching down. you tangled your hands in his hair and began to massage his scalp. he hummed serenely and his arms wrapped around your waist.

he felt his eyelids close, kissing your stomach. you giggled, and he swore he’d never get enough of it.

“i love you,” he said.

you smiled and tilted your head. “i love you too, pretty boy. now go to sleep, baby. i’ll wake you up when it’s over.”

he nodded.

“get a room!” john b yelled as he threw a pillow. you giggled, dodging it away from jj’s head.

[alimaybankkk]

this reblog is making me tear up 🥹🥹🥹 thank u for the loveee

Could I request a JJ HC of how he cheers up reader when they are sad?

𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥

a/n: so i was gonna make this into a blurb but i got so carried away. however i really like it!!

summary: in request

warnings: none but angst and major fluff

pairing: jj maybank x sad!reader

you’d dissociated yourself from the group, muttering something about being tired and waking up early. all your friends looked around, confused, knowing you had a completely free day tomorrow.

essentially, the pogues had appointed jj as the person to confront you; it was hardly a question. you two were always attached at the hip, and when jj had seen you come home and go straight to bed without hanging out and kissing him, he knew something was up.

“what’s up with her?” pope had said, looking annoyed.

they had been huddled around a table with stacks of cards, intending on playing many different games, (as simple as war, for they were simple-minded folk and didn’t bother to learn anything too complicated, but as soon as, in john b’s words, you “ruined the party,” the whole mood of the game dropped.

“she’ll be…” john b had wanted to say you’d be fine, but then he saw jj’s eyes looking off in the direction you’d walked off in. if jj seemed worried, it meant something was wrong. “someone’s gotta talk to her.”

immediately, with no question, everyone looked at jj as he stood, understanding his purpose before being asked. cleo mumbled something about “romeo saving his juliet,” but everyone was too occupied to laugh, even though this was the type of thing they’d find funny.

eventually, chatter resumed when jj made his way through the doorway of your shared bedroom. his heart clenched sadly when he saw you facing the wall, head downturned and fidgeting with your rings.

he slowly made way to sit next to you on the bed, its weight dipping beneath the two of you. you didn’t turn your head, just brought your lips into a tight line.

jj accepted that was an acknowledgment of his presence. he knew how you got whenever you were upset, and he never wanted to push you. he draped an arm around your waist, expecting you to sink into the touch like you usually did, but you just stiffened. his lips fell apart. “shit—baby, did i do something?”

if you weren’t this upset, you would have giggled. it was pathetic. you just shook your head, glossy eyes burning into the floor. they never looked into jj’s eyes, and he was starting to get self conscious.

“how was your day?” jj asked, and as soon as he did, he regretted it.

you turned to face him, feeling as though he was making fun of you. you sighed angrily and wiggled out of his arms, attempting to slide away from him when he grabbed your wrist. “it was a bad day? wasn’t it?”

you pursed your lips and nodded, eyebrows raising as you sighed. your eyelashes seemed to curl downward as your stressed eye position fell.

jj brought you into his arms, lifting you back into the bed. he hugged you tightly for a few minutes, feeling your body shake against him as silent sobs escaped your mouth.

jj was sure he felt even more sadness in the moment than you did, but he’d never admit that. to be honest, he was thankful for it. he didn’t want you to feel pain; you didn’t deserve it.

just like he felt he didn’t deserve you.

in your eyes, jj was the most perfect boy to ever exist. the caring moments like the ongoing one right now added to his sympathetic and sweet personality, enriching your love for him by the second.

but in jj’s eyes, he was a coward. he was scared of the life he’s lived ever since he was little that he threw away his childhood as soon as he got the chance and lived as a bad boy who was a criminal and was full of flaws. in his eyes, you were too good for him. he truly believed constantly that being with him hurt you and he was ashamed for you that someone as perfect as you could love someone like him.

but those things were not negative things to you. sometimes they made you love him harder. to you, jj was a broken boy that craved love and affection he’d never gotten. you knew he felt as if his whole life and soul was repaired just by a single kiss of your lips.

you always thought so poorly of luke maybank for simply looking at jj as if he were all such terrible things. jj was not the type of boy to try his best to see good in himself. as soon as anyone said something slightly offensive, jj believed it and hurt on the inside but brushed it off and dished something back.

jj was so easily covered up by a fake ego that no one noticed the way he truly felt about himself but you.

he felt as if he wasn’t worthy of love or even respect until he met you. you’d welcomed him so quickly into your life, your saccharine laugh and oh so charming smile immediately brightening up his life. he saw you as an angel sent from heaven.

months and months and months built a two year relationship that was so accepting, loving, and respecting between the two of you. almost all of your friends were jealous of the way you made each other feel—even sarah and john b. but they would never admit something like this.

they liked to tease you two for your neediness and your clinginess. as much as you craved jj’s touch constantly, you knew it was jj who initiated most of the touching—not that you were complaining. he was the one who always cheered you up on your hardest days—like today.

you grasped longingly for the material of his shirt, wrinkles forming underneath your fingertips. finally, he let himself cry, too. you pulled away from the hug to look into his eyes. “are you crying? why are you—don’t cry, jj, it’s okay…”

he pulled you back into the hug, kissing the side of your head like it was the last time he ever would.

“baby, give me your pain,” he said, finally pulling away and giving you a kiss. a kiss so full of need and love. a kiss so sweet and beautiful that you were almost knocked off your feet. you sighed into it, arms entangling into his hair. “gimme it all, please.”

your heart clenched at the thoughtful words that fell so effortlessly from his mouth. the feeling was so romantic and poetic at the same time you almost melted, knowing there was no one else in this world that could replace him.

“give it all to me,” he continued, hands dancing to cadres your face. “you don’t deserve this, angel.”

it was a new nickname, but you were glad to find you liked it a lot.

“neither do you, j,” you fought, a pointer finger reaching to tuck hair behind his ear. he sighed, eyes squeezing shut.

he kept them closed as he remained silent for a few moments, mouth slightly agape as soft breaths could be heard coming from it.

your hands latched onto his and you reached them up to your lips, kissing each callused knuckle.

when jj finally opened his eyes, he wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up, carrying you to the bathroom and placing you on the counter.

“i just want to go to bed, jj,” you said with tears still rolling down your cheeks.

he sighed, coming up from the drawers he had been rummaging through and kissing the tear away. when another one rolled down at the kind gesture, he quickly swiped it away with his hand and kissed your forehead lovingly, lips lingering for a little longer.

“i know, pretty girl,” he finally responded, tilting your chin up to look at him. “but i also know you’ll be miserable if you wake up tomorrow with all this smudged good-for-nothing makeup on your face.”

your lips formed into a tight lipped smile, blinking away tears as you nodded. “i know.”

he smiled before continuing his search in the drawers when he finally pulled out a makeup rag.

he wiped away the smudged makeup so softly, whispering things to you soothingly, (you’re so perfect, you’re going to be okay, i love you, etc.)

when he was finally done with the makeup, he brought his lips to yours before pulling back and muttering, “you are so damn beautiful.”

you tried not to break down again—the opposite of what he said had been the reason why you were upset in the first place. a friend of yours had made fun of the way you looked without makeup. it hurt you so bad to the point where you stormed out of the house before waiting in the car and touching up your makeup.

you thinned your lips and looked down, eyelashes fanning out toward jj. he watched you for a few moments.

he admired the way a single vein in your cheek twitched when you frowned, exactly where your dimple would usually rest. he loved to notice such small things about you, he thought as he watched the way your nose turned up.

jj knew to take that as a sign you were getting impatient. after all, he’d sat there staring at you for so long.

he smiled before grabbing a hairbrush that was beside where you were seated on the counter and helped you off of it. “turn around, sweet girl.”

you obliged, watching his movements in the mirror you now faced as he worked the brush through your hair.

your heart clenched so tight as you watched the way his eyes lit up with love and he tried to bite back a smile. you smiled. the boy before you was exactly the one.

“so perfect,” he whispered, stepping back to look at you in the mirror. you finally turned around again to look at him in the eyes.

he was so whipped, he thought, but he didn’t care as you intertwined your fingers into his hair, pulling him into a passionate and needy kiss.

he sighed into it, absent minded tensed shoulders relaxing immediately as he wrapped his arms so tightly around you. you loved the way he held you: as if there was someone so terrible to protect you from.

and maybe there was. the monster of love coming to take you away or something. it was jj’s biggest fear—you leaving him. it’s why he tried his best to savor every moment with you, his mind carrying him into his own little world where you’d be with him forever with just the simple squeeze of his eyes. it was something he did a lot, mostly when you were vulnerable. he never wanted to let go of this feeling, and if he just took time to appreciate it, maybe he—

“j?” you whispered, bringing him out of his trance. you had a warm hand pressed to his chest and he looked down at you, eyes softening.

“yes, angel?”

your heart beat faster at the nickname, but you just leaned into him and continued, “want to go to bed.”

“okay.” he said, grabbing your soft hand and leading you back to the shared bedroom. he gently placed you on the bed, kissing you for what felt like the millionth time tonight and turning to his dresser. “gonna get you something to wear.”

he looked through your drawers and pulled out a pair of nike pros, but when he was in search of a shirt, he found nothing. he just sighed, knowing it was intentional.

your favorite thing to do was hide your load of shirts from jj so that he would have no choice but to dress you in one of his. not that you even had to do this to wear one of his shirts.

he placed the pair of shorts on the bed next to you as he passed by on his way to the other side of his room, looking through his own drawer. you dressed out of your uncomfortable pair of jeans and into the shorts, relief on your legs.

you hummed excitedly when jj have you his t-shirt—his favorite of yours to wear: sex wax. it fit so big on you that it provided almost a shield of protection of softness. you also took mind that it was the shirt that smelt the most like him. he wore it quite often and his scent rubbed off on it.

“do you want me to leave, pretty girl?” he asked as he changed his own shirt.

you shook your head eagerly, dreading the thought. “please don’t.”

he nodded, smiling. you pulled your shirt over your head, followed by unclipping your bra and jj’s eyes widened. he’d seen you like this so many times, but your body never failed to amaze him. you smiled at his reaction as he spluttered, “so fuckin’ beautiful.”

you giggled and slid his shirt over your head, becoming light headed by the overwhelmingly pleasant smell of jj on it. you brought the neckline to your nose, sniffing it with closed eyes and relaxing immediately.

“if you love the way i smell, angel, i’m right here,” he laughed, sliding into bed next to you.

you shrugged and turned to face him, eyes full of love. he smiled as he looked deeply into your eyes, so lost in the beauty he saw before him. “thank you,” you said.

jj nodded so casually as if he hadn’t just made your night. “like i said, baby. give me all your pain.”

your left hand reached up to play with his blonde hair while your right held his face in it as you kissed all over it.

his nose, his chin, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead, all over his jaw… you drowned him as much as you could in the love he gave you tonight. it wasn’t until you pulled away that you saw the familiar sight in front of you, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted and cheeks red.

you had no clue what it meant, but you were always willing to find out.

[alimaybankkk]

Could I request a JJ HC of how he cheers up reader when they are sad?

𝐦𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥

a/n: so i was gonna make this into a blurb but i got so carried away. however i really like it!!

summary: in request

warnings: none but angst and major fluff

pairing: jj maybank x sad!reader

you’d dissociated yourself from the group, muttering something about being tired and waking up early. all your friends looked around, confused, knowing you had a completely free day tomorrow.

essentially, the pogues had appointed jj as the person to confront you; it was hardly a question. you two were always attached at the hip, and when jj had seen you come home and go straight to bed without hanging out and kissing him, he knew something was up.

“what’s up with her?” pope had said, looking annoyed.

they had been huddled around a table with stacks of cards, intending on playing many different games, (as simple as war, for they were simple-minded folk and didn’t bother to learn anything too complicated, but as soon as, in john b’s words, you “ruined the party,” the whole mood of the game dropped.

“she’ll be…” john b had wanted to say you’d be fine, but then he saw jj’s eyes looking off in the direction you’d walked off in. if jj seemed worried, it meant something was wrong. “someone’s gotta talk to her.”

immediately, with no question, everyone looked at jj as he stood, understanding his purpose before being asked. cleo mumbled something about “romeo saving his juliet,” but everyone was too occupied to laugh, even though this was the type of thing they’d find funny.

eventually, chatter resumed when jj made his way through the doorway of your shared bedroom. his heart clenched sadly when he saw you facing the wall, head downturned and fidgeting with your rings.

he slowly made way to sit next to you on the bed, its weight dipping beneath the two of you. you didn’t turn your head, just brought your lips into a tight line.

jj accepted that was an acknowledgment of his presence. he knew how you got whenever you were upset, and he never wanted to push you. he draped an arm around your waist, expecting you to sink into the touch like you usually did, but you just stiffened. his lips fell apart. “shit—baby, did i do something?”

if you weren’t this upset, you would have giggled. it was pathetic. you just shook your head, glossy eyes burning into the floor. they never looked into jj’s eyes, and he was starting to get self conscious.

“how was your day?” jj asked, and as soon as he did, he regretted it.

you turned to face him, feeling as though he was making fun of you. you sighed angrily and wiggled out of his arms, attempting to slide away from him when he grabbed your wrist. “it was a bad day? wasn’t it?”

you pursed your lips and nodded, eyebrows raising as you sighed. your eyelashes seemed to curl downward as your stressed eye position fell.

jj brought you into his arms, lifting you back into the bed. he hugged you tightly for a few minutes, feeling your body shake against him as silent sobs escaped your mouth.

jj was sure he felt even more sadness in the moment than you did, but he’d never admit that. to be honest, he was thankful for it. he didn’t want you to feel pain; you didn’t deserve it.

just like he felt he didn’t deserve you.

in your eyes, jj was the most perfect boy to ever exist. the caring moments like the ongoing one right now added to his sympathetic and sweet personality, enriching your love for him by the second.

but in jj’s eyes, he was a coward. he was scared of the life he’s lived ever since he was little that he threw away his childhood as soon as he got the chance and lived as a bad boy who was a criminal and was full of flaws. in his eyes, you were too good for him. he truly believed constantly that being with him hurt you and he was ashamed for you that someone as perfect as you could love someone like him.

but those things were not negative things to you. sometimes they made you love him harder. to you, jj was a broken boy that craved love and affection he’d never gotten. you knew he felt as if his whole life and soul was repaired just by a single kiss of your lips.

you always thought so poorly of luke maybank for simply looking at jj as if he were all such terrible things. jj was not the type of boy to try his best to see good in himself. as soon as anyone said something slightly offensive, jj believed it and hurt on the inside but brushed it off and dished something back.

jj was so easily covered up by a fake ego that no one noticed the way he truly felt about himself but you.

he felt as if he wasn’t worthy of love or even respect until he met you. you’d welcomed him so quickly into your life, your saccharine laugh and oh so charming smile immediately brightening up his life. he saw you as an angel sent from heaven.

months and months and months built a two year relationship that was so accepting, loving, and respecting between the two of you. almost all of your friends were jealous of the way you made each other feel—even sarah and john b. but they would never admit something like this.

they liked to tease you two for your neediness and your clinginess. as much as you craved jj’s touch constantly, you knew it was jj who initiated most of the touching—not that you were complaining. he was the one who always cheered you up on your hardest days—like today.

you grasped longingly for the material of his shirt, wrinkles forming underneath your fingertips. finally, he let himself cry, too. you pulled away from the hug to look into his eyes. “are you crying? why are you—don’t cry, jj, it’s okay…”

he pulled you back into the hug, kissing the side of your head like it was the last time he ever would.

“baby, give me your pain,” he said, finally pulling away and giving you a kiss. a kiss so full of need and love. a kiss so sweet and beautiful that you were almost knocked off your feet. you sighed into it, arms entangling into his hair. “gimme it all, please.”

your heart clenched at the thoughtful words that fell so effortlessly from his mouth. the feeling was so romantic and poetic at the same time you almost melted, knowing there was no one else in this world that could replace him.

“give it all to me,” he continued, hands dancing to cadres your face. “you don’t deserve this, angel.”

it was a new nickname, but you were glad to find you liked it a lot.

“neither do you, j,” you fought, a pointer finger reaching to tuck hair behind his ear. he sighed, eyes squeezing shut.

he kept them closed as he remained silent for a few moments, mouth slightly agape as soft breaths could be heard coming from it.

your hands latched onto his and you reached them up to your lips, kissing each callused knuckle.

when jj finally opened his eyes, he wrapped his arms around your waist and picked you up, carrying you to the bathroom and placing you on the counter.

“i just want to go to bed, jj,” you said with tears still rolling down your cheeks.

he sighed, coming up from the drawers he had been rummaging through and kissing the tear away. when another one rolled down at the kind gesture, he quickly swiped it away with his hand and kissed your forehead lovingly, lips lingering for a little longer.

“i know, pretty girl,” he finally responded, tilting your chin up to look at him. “but i also know you’ll be miserable if you wake up tomorrow with all this smudged good-for-nothing makeup on your face.”

your lips formed into a tight lipped smile, blinking away tears as you nodded. “i know.”

he smiled before continuing his search in the drawers when he finally pulled out a makeup rag.

he wiped away the smudged makeup so softly, whispering things to you soothingly, (you’re so perfect, you’re going to be okay, i love you, etc.)

when he was finally done with the makeup, he brought his lips to yours before pulling back and muttering, “you are so damn beautiful.”

you tried not to break down again—the opposite of what he said had been the reason why you were upset in the first place. a friend of yours had made fun of the way you looked without makeup. it hurt you so bad to the point where you stormed out of the house before waiting in the car and touching up your makeup.

you thinned your lips and looked down, eyelashes fanning out toward jj. he watched you for a few moments.

he admired the way a single vein in your cheek twitched when you frowned, exactly where your dimple would usually rest. he loved to notice such small things about you, he thought as he watched the way your nose turned up.

jj knew to take that as a sign you were getting impatient. after all, he’d sat there staring at you for so long.

he smiled before grabbing a hairbrush that was beside where you were seated on the counter and helped you off of it. “turn around, sweet girl.”

you obliged, watching his movements in the mirror you now faced as he worked the brush through your hair.

your heart clenched so tight as you watched the way his eyes lit up with love and he tried to bite back a smile. you smiled. the boy before you was exactly the one.

“so perfect,” he whispered, stepping back to look at you in the mirror. you finally turned around again to look at him in the eyes.

he was so whipped, he thought, but he didn’t care as you intertwined your fingers into his hair, pulling him into a passionate and needy kiss.

he sighed into it, absent minded tensed shoulders relaxing immediately as he wrapped his arms so tightly around you. you loved the way he held you: as if there was someone so terrible to protect you from.

and maybe there was. the monster of love coming to take you away or something. it was jj’s biggest fear—you leaving him. it’s why he tried his best to savor every moment with you, his mind carrying him into his own little world where you’d be with him forever with just the simple squeeze of his eyes. it was something he did a lot, mostly when you were vulnerable. he never wanted to let go of this feeling, and if he just took time to appreciate it, maybe he—

“j?” you whispered, bringing him out of his trance. you had a warm hand pressed to his chest and he looked down at you, eyes softening.

“yes, angel?”

your heart beat faster at the nickname, but you just leaned into him and continued, “want to go to bed.”

“okay.” he said, grabbing your soft hand and leading you back to the shared bedroom. he gently placed you on the bed, kissing you for what felt like the millionth time tonight and turning to his dresser. “gonna get you something to wear.”

he looked through your drawers and pulled out a pair of nike pros, but when he was in search of a shirt, he found nothing. he just sighed, knowing it was intentional.

your favorite thing to do was hide your load of shirts from jj so that he would have no choice but to dress you in one of his. not that you even had to do this to wear one of his shirts.

he placed the pair of shorts on the bed next to you as he passed by on his way to the other side of his room, looking through his own drawer. you dressed out of your uncomfortable pair of jeans and into the shorts, relief on your legs.

you hummed excitedly when jj have you his t-shirt—his favorite of yours to wear: sex wax. it fit so big on you that it provided almost a shield of protection of softness. you also took mind that it was the shirt that smelt the most like him. he wore it quite often and his scent rubbed off on it.

“do you want me to leave, pretty girl?” he asked as he changed his own shirt.

you shook your head eagerly, dreading the thought. “please don’t.”

he nodded, smiling. you pulled your shirt over your head, followed by unclipping your bra and jj’s eyes widened. he’d seen you like this so many times, but your body never failed to amaze him. you smiled at his reaction as he spluttered, “so fuckin’ beautiful.”

you giggled and slid his shirt over your head, becoming light headed by the overwhelmingly pleasant smell of jj on it. you brought the neckline to your nose, sniffing it with closed eyes and relaxing immediately.

“if you love the way i smell, angel, i’m right here,” he laughed, sliding into bed next to you.

you shrugged and turned to face him, eyes full of love. he smiled as he looked deeply into your eyes, so lost in the beauty he saw before him. “thank you,” you said.

jj nodded so casually as if he hadn’t just made your night. “like i said, baby. give me all your pain.”

your left hand reached up to play with his blonde hair while your right held his face in it as you kissed all over it.

his nose, his chin, his cheeks, his eyebrows, his forehead, all over his jaw… you drowned him as much as you could in the love he gave you tonight. it wasn’t until you pulled away that you saw the familiar sight in front of you, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted and cheeks red.

you had no clue what it meant, but you were always willing to find out.

[alimaybankkk]

Also a point wouldn’t get taken from one team and added to another, but JJ would get a penalty kick to tie up the game and it would likely end in a tie. Just fyi. Like… are you intentionally making this fic unreadable? Did you do any research on American soccer?

no i didn’t and since i only write for fun i don’t think it matters that much!!

im not an expert on soccer as i already stated

i fixed the score thing because that was an easy fix but there’s no point in basically rewriting the whole fic bc my facts aren’t right when it’s not an informational/professional piece.

if it bothers you so much act as if it’s a whole different world or something. i don’t really care if the facts are right, just that it may entertain readers !!

there was no point in being rude ab it by the way but have a nice day

[alimaybankkk]

Just so you know, a 50-48 score is nearly impossible for a professional soccer game, let alone high school. You’d be better off writing in that the score was 5-4 or something, because that detail took me right out of the scene.

thank uuuuu for this i’m gonna go and fix this

[alimaybankkk]

anything with soccer jj?? sorry if this isn’t that helpful lol

𝐢 𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮

a/n: i love soccer rudy so obvi : soccer jj >>

i also know nothing ab soccer soooo

summary: scenarios with soccer player jj!

warnings: major fluff, violence (jj is always getting hurt omg)

pairing: soccer player! jj x reader

“there he is,” you said, pointing across the field.

john b followed your finger, grinning as he saw a number “9” yelling at someone from the other team.

“oh, he’s really going at it…” sarah noted as jj kicked the kid in the shins.

you stood, hoping jj would look over at you.

the kid had toppled over, and jj looked over to see if you’d been watching. he scratched his neck and squinted awkwardly when he found you’d seen it.

you made an “x” sign with your arms and he gave a thumbs up before blowing a kiss.

you blushed. he’s such a flirt.

the coach had now hauled jj away from the boy, and you could tell jj was mumbling quiet apologies he didn’t mean.

then he started arguing with his coach and you slapped your forehead.

finally, jj nodded at his coach and walked away, going over to the kid he’d kicked earlier and dapping him up.

you sighed of relief, face in your hands.

“he’s crazy,” pope said, and everyone nodded in agreement.

the ref blew the whistle and jj went back with his team, everyone huddled briefly before running out onto the field.

eventually, after around two minutes, the game began, the ball sliding between players’ feet. you watched as jj kicked the ball in between the opponents feet and grinned. he grunted as a kid tripped him and he started yelling at him.

but the game continued and jj only grew angrier until eventually he was hogging the ball.

it was nothing to be worried about, though. he was the best on the team and even the other players on his team were glad he was keeping it.

but the other team wasn’t.

jj wanted to take his anger out, so he found himself caught in between a players legs, kicking the ball out of his hold.

it worked; jj now had the ball and was running toward the goal.

he had a clear path if you didn’t count the goalie. every player on the field followed after him, a mob now being created.

jj smirked at his open shot. finally, he kicked it hard. you crossed your fingers as it shot toward the goal.

the goalie reached out to get it. it fell right into his hands, but then slid right past them.

as the ball hit the net at the back of the goal, you immediately rose to your feet, clapping and cheering. you whistled and almost every person who sat on the bleachers stared at you, but you didn’t care.

and then jj looked back at you, checking to see if you saw it. you knew what he was silently asking, and you held out a thumbs up.

he smirked, running away from the goal and continuing the game.

the same thing happened multiple times until the other team had gained motivation and made a comeback.

the score was 5-3, and jj’s team was losing. it was one of the best games of his you’d ever watched.

jj was now furious. he tried as hard as he could to score a goal, but he just kept getting blocked.

as the clock ticked down to two minutes, john b, kie, pope and sarah had all given up and just agreed the team would take their first loss. but you knew jj wouldn’t let it happen.

and you felt your heart confirm it as he seized the ball, rushing it to the goal. it went in perfectly, and everyone cheered.

5-4.

with a minute left, everything was getting even more heated.

jj was yelling at everyone, even his own teammates, most likely spitting fire. the coach was getting angry with him to the point he almost took him off the field.

thirty seconds left, jj finally got the ball again. everyone stood as he raced to the goal, the path clear as day. everyone cheered as he kicked the ball, but before his foot could make complete contact with it, a player came up and tripped him. jj immediately shot up, fighting the urge to kick his ass.

he couldn’t do it. he had to win the game. he had to get the ball back immediately and score the winning goal.

he tripped the kid back, kicked the ball away from his feet. he chased after jj as he made his way toward the goal.

the goalie looked fierce now. he’d most certainly had a new slice of motivation now as he widened his arms and legs.

jj kicked the ball as hard as he could, wincing as it rolled toward the goal.

“come on, bitch,” he whispered as the other kid raced ahead to kick the ball away.

but he wasn’t able to do it.

the ball reached the edge of the goal, and that’s when the goalie dove and swatted it away.

jj let out a cry as he felt tears tease his eyes. the boy who’d guarded him earlier had cheered, running up to him and shoving him to the ground.

you stood, screaming as everyone else did.

jj spat blood as the kid continued to kick him and stomp him.

jj had later told you that he’d said, “that’s it, bitch! can’t win a game? we can!”

jj looked toward the scoreboard as everything drowned out. the buzzer still hadn’t gone off.

the ref came over, blowing the whistle harshly and pulled the other kid away at last.

when the buzzer did go off, the announcer came onto announce that a point was getting revoked from the other team and added to jj’s team.

you cheered as the rest of your friends stood, cheering along.

there were some “boo’s” in the crowd, but you just shrugged.

even with the win, you couldn’t tear your thoughts away from jj’s hurt.

you ran down onto the field, kneeling down to the jj who was coughing up blood as he still lay on the field.

“j,” you whispered, grabbing his hand and cupping his face.

he grinned as the medic made his way over. “i did it, pretty girl.”

you forced a laugh even though you didn’t feel like it was funny at all.

they cleaned up jj’s face until he was good to go, spinning you in his arms.

he kissed you on the lips excitedly, giving you the taste of blood.

you pulled away and cupped his face. “you’re so strong, j. i’m so proud of you, baby.”

you were laying on your bed, watching tv when your phone buzzed.

you opened it, checking the message jj left you.

outside.

you smirked. you knew he wasn’t at the front door—no, he was at your bedroom window.

not that your parents didn’t like jj. they actually liked him a lot. he just thought it was more fun to climb in through the window.

you bolted up and opened it, immediately falling back as he crashed his lips into yours. you giggled and let your hands roam into his hair until he pulled away.

“hi,” he said.

“hi.”

he brushed past you and sat down on your bed, rummaging through his bookbag. you sat down next to him, tracing circles onto his back. “what’s up?”

“got something for you…” he said.

finally, he grinned and stuck his tongue out as he pulled it out of his bag. you gasped.

it was his jersey. it was red. on the back it said maybank, and then it displayed his number, 9.

you gasped excitedly, grabbing it out of his hands.

you felt how soft it was, but it did not distract you enough from bringing it to your nose. you smelt it and it smelt exactly like him.

“you like that, pretty girl?” he asked, arm wrapping around your waist.

you nodded eagerly, kissing him. “thank you.”

“you should wear it to my games…”

“i will,” you said.

john b and kiara were in the lighthouse and pope was “keeping an eye“ on you and jj.

however, pope felt like he was given this job to third wheel. he was getting impatient and he wanted nothing more than to be with john b and kie.

you and jj had been laying together in the back of the twinkie until finally, jj tapped your thigh two times.

you lifted your head, rubbing half-sleep from your eyes. you got up, knowing that was his signal. “what’s wrong?”

“nothin, baby,” he said, starting to help you up.

you raised an eyebrow. “what are you up to?”

he smirked as if he had been planning something mischievous, but instead he just said, “you want to play with me?”

you once again, raised an eyebrow. “play what?”

“soccer?”

you giggled. jj knew you had no experience, but he loved to play with you and teach you everything. “what do you say?”

“okay,” you agreed, hopping out of the twinkie after him.

he groaned, bending down to pick up the ball he always brought with him.

he placed the ball on the grass as pope got up, curious to what’s going on.

you sighed, watching as jj kicked the ball up over and over again. “go easy on me, love.”

jj nodded and kicked the ball to you. he pointed to a fallen down open garbage can, signaling it was the goal.

you nodded and finally, jj came over to you, trying to kick the ball from your feet.

he was going extremely easy, you knew. but it was fun. you loves seeing him having fun. smiling, laughing. it looked the best on jj.

“kick it, come on…” he said. “you can do it, pretty girl.”

you laughed and kicked it in between his legs, watching as it flew into the garbage can.

he cheered, picking you up into his arms and swinging you around. “good job! so proud of you, baby!”

you laughed and when he finally put you down, gave him a kiss on the lips.

“i scored a goal!” you laughed excitedly.

“yes you did, baby,” he said and kissed you on the cheek. “and i scored you!”

[alimaybankkk]

𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

summary: when you’re drunk, a boy helps you out and eventually ends up pairing you back up with your childhood best friend. although, your dad isn’t too happy about you sneaking back in late at night, and in the morning, there’s a lot to reflect on.

warnings: abus!e, getting dr!nk, (trying to avoid cl lol), idrk

JJ WAS NOT AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON. 

even if he was, who would he have to be affectionate to?

his friends, maybe.

pope, kiara and john b, the people who knew him best weren’t much of affectionate people either. is that why they were friends? is that why they were drawn to each other? jj would never know.

but it didn’t matter. it really didn’t. he never even thought about giving love to other people. he thought about giving people laughs.

if he wanted to give someone love, it would be as simple as a hug.

until he met her.

WHEN HE met her, she’d been drunk. she’d chugged beer after beer at a kegger at the boneyard, giving her a hazy view of the blonde that now stood in front of her. 

he’d reached out to her shoulder blades, trying to balance her after she’d stepped on a sea shell. blood was now gushing from her bare foot in the sand. 

and so there was no need to tell her she was pretty. sure, jj was a douche for constantly playing girls, but he wasn’t as bad as to sleep with someone who was under the influence.

she was pretty, though, jj had thought. he knew it killed him not to say anything. he would usually be trying to shotgun with a girl like her, but judging the way she had wobbled the entire night, it didn’t look like she needed any more beer—and that was rich coming from jj.

and so he vowed not to do so much as flirt when he had saw her. it was the first time even trying to talk to a girl he would usually want to sleep with but couldn’t. he had no way to be certain of how to go about it, so he treated her like he would his friends.

“hey,” he said, gripping her shoulders strongly. “you good?”

she flashed a grin, showing her bright white teeth. they had a bit of pizza in them which made jj giggle on the inside. but just as she opened her mouth, she leaned over and gagged.

jj almost gagged himself. he never really knew how to deal with vomit.

no vomit came out, but he knew there was only a matter of time. “hey, hey, you good?”

he immediately grabbed her arm and took her to a nearby clump of bushes, holding her hair back.

she held her stomach, reaching up to her throat and let it all out.

after a good three minutes, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked at jj through her lashes. “thank you.”

jj’s heart fluttered as he rocked in place for a second. “ ‘f course..”

“what—what’s your name?” she asked, sitting down on the ground. she rested her elbows on her knees and sat slightly forward. 

“’s jj… maybank,” he said.

she smiled, looking to her right. “i’m y/n.”

“nice to meet you,” he said. “so, you have a ride home, right?”

she didn’t answer. she just stared and bit her lip. 

“if you do, you should probably get going. you’re shitfaced.”

she sighed. “‘m gonna figure it out, okay, jj?”

“what—do you not have a ride?” 

“i said i’ll figure it out,” she smiled, giving an encouraging smile.

“listen,” he began. he sighed and ran his callused fingers through his hair. “i have a friend. he hates these things and he ‘keeps the signal clear.’ he can take you home. he always takes us home. i don’t think he’ll mind if he has to miss out on the party a little bit.”

“what’s his name?” 

“heyward. pope, heyward. his name—his name is pope,” jj spluttered.

“i know him,” she looked around. “childhood friend of mine.”

jj was shocked. he’d hardly ever met anyone who’d known his friends before. they were, including him, locals with fake identities who no one really knew of. “great. i’m sure, sure, that you’d trust him to take you home….”

“yeah,” she nodded. “can you come?”

“what?” 

“you helped me. i’d feel a lot safer if you came.”

he nodded quickly. “yeah—yeah that’s cool.”

thirty minutes later, the car was silent as pope drummed his fingers on the wheel. he sighed, turning to look at her in the eyes. “i honestly can’t believe you.”

“sorry?”

“sorry, that came out wrong,” pope mumbled awkwardly. “what i meant was, i’ve known you for so long, and i’ve never believed you would get that shitfaced.”

“i’m not even that bad.”

jj laughed from the back of the car and pope gave him a look saying, who do you think you are?

“hell yeah you are, chicky,” he laughed.

“chicky?” jj questioned.

“it’s what i used to call her,” pope explained. “her grandparents call her chickabiddy, and i just shortened the nickname.”

“cute.” jj rolled his eyes.

“i’m sorry, do you have a problem?” pope snapped.

“you guys are just like… flirting. i hate third wheeling…”

“ew,” y/n squealed, fake gagging. her drunken state was starting to come back into her actions. “pope my brother.”

“pope is not your brother…” pope laughed.

“pope like my brother.”

“pope like your brother.”

“at least explain a little bit of this to me,” jj suggested. “how do you guys know each other? why did you guys stop talking?”

“we know each other because of our parents,” pope spoke. “my mom was best friends with her mom, then our dads got close. we stopped talking because…” pope looked at her, a sad look in his eyes. 

“‘cause what?” jj asked.

“pope, no,” she begged, grabbing his arm. 

“nothing in our control,” pope simply sighed. she gave him a look, silently saying, thank you.

“what?” jj asked. “what’s going on?”

“you know what, j, just drop it.” pope ordered. “drop it.”

jj sighed, ripping his hat off his head. “whatever, man.”

y/n sighed. she couldn’t help but feel sorry for jj. she knew exactly what it was like to be left out of conversations, to be left without knowledge. but no matter what, this was not something she wanted anyone else to know about.

especially someone she hardly knew.

but, maybe i shouldn’t think about jj like that, she thought. he took care of me.

maybe it would be different in the morning, though. after all, she was drunk.

eventually, the rugged voltswagen bus pulled into y/n’s neighborhood, but she grabbed pope’s arm aggressively. “pope, i need you to pull around back. you remember the road to get there?”

he sighed, eyes projecting understanding. “yeah.”

jj was starting to get angry. he was getting tired of being left out.

once pope had pulled around the back, she’d given him a goodbye hug combined with a thank you hug and then opened her door after muttering thanks, bye, jj.

he felt upset he got less than pope. but he hardly knew her, so what did it matter? “wait, y/n!” he called.

she turned around, hair blowing in the wind. to jj, she looked like a goddess. his knees buckled even in his seat. “let me walk you in. you’re drunk, remember?”

she bit her lip. “you sure?”

“positive.”

he got out of the car, jogging to where she stood. he chuckled as he linked arms with her, suppressing a giggle from her plump lips.

man, that laugh, jj thought. he hardly knew her, but he knew for sure that he could listen to it for hours. he even wanted to record it on his phone so he could listen to it on replay for hours.

attempting to go around to the front of the house, she stopped him. “i’m over here.”

jj furrowed his brows. “you’re not going in through the front door?”

“snuck out.” 

he sighed and let her take him to the window of where she showed him her bedroom was, and jj silently thanked the lord that her house was one story. “i’ll see you.”

“bye, jj,” she whispered.

in her drunken state, she wobbled uneasily without the support of jj’s arm after he’d withdrawn them. but nevertheless, she stood on her tiptoes and leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. he froze, cheeks staining red. she pinched his shoulder. “thanks for taking care of me.”

he nodded, that being the only thing he could do.

she climbed through the window, heart dropping at the sight.

sitting on her bed was her father, tipping a bottle of beer back and swaying on the softness of his seat.

“dad…” she mumbled, wishing it was enough to sober her up. “‘m…”

“shut the fuck up,” he whispered, throwing the bottle of beer on the ground. it shattered, the rest of the liquid that had been left splashing on the floor and onto her cheeks. she reached up to wipe it off, lip trembling at the smell.

she could already feel the hangover creeping in.

he rose from where he sat, walking quietly over to her. she looked down at her feet, hands clasped in front of her body. he tipped her chin up, looking at her face carefully. finally, he sniffled. “you’re drunk, ain’t ya?”

“dad.” she said sternly, trying to build up the courage to fight back. but as soon as he swiped one slap to the face, dragging his harsh fingers across her cheek, she just gave up. her head whipped in the same direction his hand ended in.

sobs immediately left her lips, blood following. 

her face felt hot as he backed up, sighing, seeming like he was trying to contain himself. he grabbed her by the top of her shirt, lifting her slightly into the air. “where the fuck were you?”

“dad, i was just with some friends.”

“getting shitfaced?” he laughed, not believing. “huh?”

he slapped another stinging burn to her face, shoving her against the wall. “you’re just like your mama!”

“dad, stop it!”

“huh? you hear me?” he punched her in the nose, then punched her in the eye. it was sure to make it black and blue tomorrow. “always thinking she’s better than everyone—thinking she owns herself? who the hell do you think you are?”

“please. stop. please!” she coughed blood, feeling vomit erupt in her throat.

“and you have the audacity to think you deserve to come back like this? just like your mama.”

as she choked a little bit, enough vomit spewed from her mouth to cause her father to jump back in disgust. “you fucking pig!”

more came out and he kicked her in the stomach before leaving the room.

THE NEXT MORNING she found herself laying there on the floor, not remembering how she got there at first. but as soon as she saw the vomit, felt her pounding head and body, she remembered. she remembered everything.

she whimpered as she stood, sobbing as she stepped on a broken glass. she looked down at her foot that was now bleeding and sighed, a tear falling from her eye.

grabbing her uncharged phone, she stepped into the shower and washed the vomit out of her hair and tried her best to clean the cuts.

when the water was turned off and the bathroom as now shrouded with condensation, a text from pope waited on her lock screen.

she sighed, opening her phone up to take a look.

popeeee

i know you probably will get mad at me, but i wanted to know if you got in the house and back into your room without any trouble.

she smiled. pope was truly caring.

me

well, my dad saw me, and you know… but it’s fine. just a few scratches.

popeeee

come to the chateau.

me

chateau?

popeeee

shit, forgot you haven’t heard about it before. i’ll drop a pin.

moments later, her phone buzzed with the location where pope was and she decided to go there. pope meant well and she really did think it was nice he wanted to look out for her. maybe this could build a lost friendship back up.

every event from the night before started to replay in her head and she winced, thinking of how drunk she’d gotten. to be honest, it wasn’t that bad, but it is for someone who’s used to getting straight a’s.

after sneaking out through her window, she climbed into her father’s truck and drove to the pin, wincing anytime something touched where a bruise was.

“pope!” she called, looking around.

when no one answered, she texted him, where you at?

popeeee

sit out on the porch, i’ll be right out.

she sent a thumbs up emoji before proceeding to sit down on a nearby couch. she was starting to feel her stomach throbbing and she brought her shirt up enough to see the gash that had formed. it was a mix of a bunch of different colors, practically teasing her as she stared at it.

she reached to touch it but heard a breath. she looked up and saw jj, who had stepped back. “y/n?”

pulling her shirt down, she stood. “shit…”

“what happened?”

“no, it’s fine. just fell this morning. i’m really clumsy,” she fake laughed.

“i know that’s not what happened,” jj swallowed. “i’ve seen a gash like that before, and it doesn’t come from falling.”

“what? so you’re mr. medic genius?”

he rolled his eyes. “no, but i get into fights all the time. plus, my dad can give me those gashes a lot, too.”

her heart dropped. “what?”

he didn’t seem to understand her questioning, he just continued. “so if you got into a fight, it’s okay to tell me.”

“jj…” she stood, reaching up to grab his face with her hands. not until then had jj noticed her black eye and the scratch on her face.

he simply only swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down.

“your dad does it to you, too?” she asked.

if looks could kill, the look jj suddenly gave would be the #1 criminal in the united states. “too?”

she stepped back, hands withdrawing from his face. “‘m sorry…”

“too?” he repeated. 

“jj, i didn’t mean it. i just wasn’t thinking,” she defended. “my dad would never put his hands on me.”

jj looked like he’d gotten slapped in the face and she winced, hissing. “sorry, i didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

he shrugged. “i just want you to be honest with me… did he, or did he not do this to you?”

tears aligned themselves along her waterline, but she blinked them away. “he was just a little intoxicated last night, ’s all.”

he tore his hands from his sides to his head, breathing aggressively. when he dropped them, he yelled, “i’m gonna kill him.”

“no, jj,” she cried, grabbing his hands that had been clenched into fists. “you will do no such thing.”

shaking his head, he stepped out of her hold. “you should’ve let me walk you completely in. i would’ve beat his ass.”

“jj, the confidence is cute and all, but even if you’ve won a million fights in your life, you still wouldn’t beat my dad.” 

he sighed. “i just don’t understand how a father could do that to a daughter like that.”

her heart fluttered, suppressing a shy smile. “so, um… your dad does it to you, too?”

rolling his eyes, he sat back on the couch. “i don’t want to talk about it.”

“neither did i,” she protested and he gave her a shit, you’re right stare.

“well, he’s done it since my mom left me,” he said, eyes distant in time.

she nodded. 

“do you have a mom?”

biting her lip, she shook her head. “she died a few years ago. she wasn’t enough to stop my father from hurting me. he did it ever since i was old enough to walk.”

“damn,” he sighed. “i’m sorry.”

“it’s cool. mom would be proud of me. the heywards are the only people who know about dad being like this.”

“is that why you’re so close to pope?”

“mostly.”

he hummed, turning to the side awkwardly. “you know, if you ever need anything, i’m always here. i don’t want to be just a random guy you met at a party.”

“and you’re not,” she told him. “you took care of me. you made sure i had a ride home. hell, you even brought me back with my childhood best friend—“ she sighed, grabbing his hands. “and most of all, you listened.”

he nodded, taking a deep breath. “of course i took care of you, y/n. i like you.”

she blinked.

“i don’t want to rush anything. i usually don’t get sentimental about anyone. not even my friends. usually, i just like to, you know, sleep with someone one night and never look their way again. but, if taking it slowly is the way i have to to steal your heart, then i will wait as long as i have to.”

 a tear rolled down her face and she stood, grabbing his hand. he stood, melting into her touch. she just grabbed his face within her hands and whispered, “i like you too, jj.”

with the moment they stared into each other’s eyes—so close together, yet so far apart, jj gripped her waist and crashed their lips together. she froze in shock for a moment and a feeling of worry built up in his stomach, but it immediately disappeared when he felt her kiss him back.

it was so different than anyone he’d ever kissed. he’d usually let it be sloppy and open mouthed, quick and rough, but this time, all he wanted—no, forget wanted. all he needed was to be endlessly closer for an endless amount of time. he took his time with it, making sure to kiss every bit of her mouth. he feared that if he missed a spot, he’d never get to kiss it again, so he let his lips roam around hers for as long as they embraced each other, dragging his lips along hers. she was taken aback by the way he kissed her—so gentle but so needy. he held her like she was the most fragile thing in the world, but at the same time, was the sturdiest. he didn’t want to pull away, so he didn’t. spending minutes like that, letting himself run out of breath before taking a deep one through his nose. maybe it was for the rush, or maybe he was just getting so distracted.

she’d kissed quite a few boys before, but none of them had she ever wanted as much as jj maybank.

at last, she pulled away, lightheaded and in need of actual air. jj didn’t realize how much he need the air either until he’d been gasping for breath, still clinging onto her perfectly.

“that was…” she said, trying to find breath.

“wow,” he laughed. she thought it was the most perfect way to describe it—wow.

she laughed, too, leaning her forehead against his and placing one last final peck to his lips. he smiled, looking deeply into her eyes. “you’re the most perfect girl---”

“jj, are you kidding me?!” they heard. whipping around, she was met with pope’s awkward stance, closing his eyes and his ears. “every girl you meet, you get all drooly for.”

she frowned, realizing pope must be right.

but jj just simply scoffed, shaking his head. “it’s really different this time.”

just like the kiss was.

and she looked back into jj’s eyes, smiling, and realized, there is no way this boy could possibly be lying.

and he wasn’t.

© 2023 alimaybankkk

[alimaybankkk]

can you do part 2 of see you that way??

i kinda want to because a lot of people want me to but i don’t know what i would do tbh i didn’t have a part 2 in mind

[alimaybankkk]

𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲

summary: after years of liking jj, u finally confess.

warnings: angst. if you squint rlly hard you can see a bit of fluff

pairing: jj maybank x reader

jj.

he was all i thought about. 

there was no denying that.

even if i were sat on the hms pogue in the sun, back to the hot surface behind me with the smell of the salty sea and the laughter of my serene friends, i’d still be looking at him.

at jj.

the ocean’s nice, of course. the sun on my shoulders feels just right, and being with my friends brings me an overwhelming calmness i can’t explain.

but there’s something else.

it’s him.

at any given moment, i could sit up abruptly and dive into the enormous blue body of water around me, but instead, i’d always choose him.

he’d be paying attention to the joint he’s smoking or the beer he’s shotgunning, but i’d still give him my full attention and my full heart.

my fool heart.

IT STARTED when my friends decided to hint to him oh so obviously that i had feelings for him.

for ex. : “jj, notice anything different?” sarah asked as she helped me onto the boat.

the night before this occurrence, i’d gotten a bit of hair chopped off. a trim with dramatic layers and prominent curtain bangs. it had been my dream hairstyle for so long, and as excited as i was, my two best friends, sarah and kie, were, too.

he’d looked up reluctantly from the lighter he was fidgeting with his hands and narrowed his eyes to me. “where?”

“y/n, dummy,” kie giggled, flicking jj on the head.

he jumped back, flinching and returned a half smile before looking at me. he seemed to search my face and my body for what felt like minutes, but he just shrugged. “not really.”

i felt my heart sink to the bottom of the ocean. sarah spluttered, but managed to say, “she got a haircut, sherlock.”

before jj could say anything, pope heyward, another one of my best friends, chimed in and said, “it looks nice!”

i gave him a smile and a half hearted thank you before looking at jj. “surprised you didn’t notice.”

kiara nodded. “i really agree. y/n would notice anything about you.”

since it was the first time she’d ever hinted at my crush, i felt betrayed. i wanted to yell at her, but i didn’t want to be vulnerable. so, if jj was going to play this game, then so was i. “not really. jj always looks the same.”

“so, are we untying the boat or not?” john b called from behind me. john booker routledge, the friend in the group with the least patience.

well, maybe that title was getting passed over to me.

IT CONTINUED when i had nowhere to go after a kegger. stripped down to my bathing suit and a coverup, the night air of kildare island was starting to chill my skin. 

but i had nowhere to go. just like john b, my parents were gone. unlike john b, they died in a car accident a year ago and i still hadn’t went into foster care. i was running from dcs more consistently than john b was.

i’d crashed for a few months at the chateau, finding it a home-like haven i never had before. my parents were criminals; they were always running from any type of authority they were able to piss off. which made moving a common thing for us. dollar upon dollar was spent on every new house they purchased, each one giving me no place to call home.

with empty and crushed beer cans littering the floors of the place my parents would fight and do drugs in, i never really felt safe in any other four walled building.

but the chateau was fun, whether it was a dump or not. it was constantly crawling with my best friends, (one of them being the love of my life).

after spending a few months at the chateau, sarah had moved in and transformed the guest room (where i had been staying) into her own little bedroom. 

she didn’t even use said bedroom. she just slept in john b’s room. not that it made me mad she found a better place to stay than the lion’s den, but i also needed a place to stay, too.

kiara’s parents hated us all and hated me especially, for i came from a bloodline of criminals. they’d say, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

kiara’s house was a no.

our new found friend, cleo, was staying with pope around this time, in the only other bedroom i could stay in.

there was one possibility left.

so anyway, back to the night of the kegger, my whole crew had said their goodbyes. it was about to be my fifth day of sleeping on the hammock outside of the chateau, and as the stormy clouds in the chilly night sky foreshadowed a hurricane, i didn’t know if it was safe to go along with the usual routine. but not wanting to be a bother as i knew staying at jj’s house would be awkward, i waved goodbye awkwardly and went in the opposite direction as john b and sarah.

“wait,” i heard from behind me. i spun on my heels to face jj, who had now grabbed my arm. “why aren’t you going with john b?”

i bit my lip and gave him a smile, shrugging. “sarah’s staying in my old room, now. i can’t stay there anymore.”

“so where do you plan on going?”

“uh, i don’t know. wherever the wind takes me, i guess,” i gave him a thumbs up, trying to fight off the shiver that fought me in the meantime.

“the cold wind,” jj looked up at the sky that now jumped with lightning. “the storming wind.”

“it’s ‘kay, jj, i’ll find somewhere. swear,” i held out a pinky.

“no. come with me, okay?” 

i blinked, shaking my head quickly. “no, jj. i don’t want to be a bother, okay?”

“it’s okay. please. i won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing there’s a possibility you’re not safe. i mean, look around. looks a lot like a hurricane to me.”

i let out a sigh and finally nodded, following him to his house.

but his house should’ve been a no, too, because it was decorated with the familiar yellow tape marked with some legal terms regarding eviction. there was a notice on his front door and the tape was ripped apart, falling down and resting on opposite sides of the door.

“‘kay… i just gotta get through here, you know, and everything…” he jiggled the door knob which suddenly granted entrance to the dimly lit house, causing jj to jump a little bit. “will be just fine!”

“jj…” i said, getting flashbacks as i looked at the piles and towers of empty beer bottles on the floor. “are you sure this is okay?”

“of course,” he said, gesturing to a room. “you’re my friend. anyway, that’s my room. you can sleep on the bed, i don’t mind the floor.”

“you’re gonna have to mind the floor if it has all this clutter on it…”

jj shrugged. “nothing i like more than beer.”

“empty beer? how do you feel bout that?” i teased.

he sighed. “now you’re makin’ it sound bad.”

after taking a lukewarm shower in the tight excuse of one in jj’s bathroom, i crawled into jj’s bed. he grabbed a pillow from the space next to my head and placed it under his.

“j, d’you want a blanket?” i asked, offering a flayed plaid cover that was near the foot of the bed.

he grabbed it and nodded, muttering thank you before rolling over. 

five minutes later, he whispered, “sweet dreams, y/n.”

IT ENDED when i came home to jj’s house late one night. 

earlier that day, jj was telling us about a party he was invited to.

“yeah.. bunch of tourons, y’know. shit’s gonna be real tonight, alright?” he’d said, making fake finger guns at pope who rolled his eyes and turned the other way.

“jj, for the last time, you’re the only person who cares about the tourons.”

john b nodded as kiara scoffed. “they’re not that bad. i like to have conversations with them sometimes—but i don’t sleep with them like jj does.”

i looked up, squinting and scrunching my face up at the unexpected ray of sun now beaming in my eyes. “actually, jj hasn’t brought a girl home since i ‘moved in’ with him.”

“you will not be set in the right mind to say that tomorrow…” jj quipped, smirking at the disgusted looks from all of us.

cleo fake gagged. “you probably don’t want to be there tonight, y/n. something tells me—“

i frowned, knowing he would never think about me when he tried to flirt with a tour on.

“listen, i gotta go,” jj said, “my boy sean wants us to bring a few packs of beer and any other goodies, if you know what i mean…”

“see-ya, j,” kiara said, slapping him on the back.

“tell us about it in the morning,” john b laughed, flashing a toothy grin.

“i don’t think he has to worry about that. i’m sure y/n could tell us all about it…” pope mumbled unamused, getting up to open the door for jj who rushed out excitedly.

now i walked into the bedroom nervously at the giggles and chatter spurring into my ears.

“you know, you’re the cutest tourist i’ve ever met…” i heard jj giggle.

my heart dropped to my feet as i cracked open the door.

“you’re not so bad for a local yourself, blondie,” said a brunette girl, leaning her head back as jj kissed down her neck.

“you’re about to see so much more of that,” he chuckled, arms reaching under her shirt.

i felt my lip quiver, stepping out of the hallway and into the living room.

i climbed over the weeks old leftovers that were still left on the table and rested on the couch, crying myself to sleep.

when the sun shined onto my eyelids in the morning, i got up hesitantly and looked around at my surroundings. at first, i panicked, but then i reminded myself of last night’s events.

my eyes were puffy and as soon as i thought of it again, i started crying once more.

i searched for jj who i believed was still in the room.

but when i stepped out into the hallway, i saw him in the kitchen, chugging milk straight out of the carton. “y/n!”

“jj?” i asked, walking up to him.

“how are ya?” he asked, giggling and wrapping his arms around my waist. “you hear it?”

“‘course i did, jj.” my lip started to tremble and i felt my knees almost give out. “and i’m so damn sick of it.”

“sick—sick of what?” jj asked, raising an eyebrow.

“jj…” i grabbed his hand. “i know this might not be the time, but sometimes, i wonder if you feel the same way.”

“same way about what?”

“i… jj, i’ve… i’ve liked you for years, j. for years.” i sobbed, hands reaching up to trace circles on his back. “and i know you have to feel the same way. we’ve always had this tension for the.. the entirety of our friendship. you have always reached out for me, you know? you took me in when i needed a place to stay. but then, there’s also other times where i feel like you’re on a different page. like… like you never notice new things about me. you never go out of your way to compliment me, and you always…. always want to take a girl home. but you know what, j? that’s love. a mix of things. confusion, anger, happiness, sadness…. the one emotion you feel the most is confusion. so am i wrong for thinking that maybe this is love?”

he took off the red cap that once sat on his head. “i’m sorry, y/n, i… i don’t feel the same way.”

“what?”

“listen… i think you’re amazing. i mean, why else would i be friends with you? but… i don’t… see you that way. i see you as maybe a sister. and i don’t feel comfortable having feelings for a sister. you are amazing. you’re one of the most amazing people i’ve ever met. i want to spend the rest of my life with you, but… not… like that.”

“shit.”

“i think it would be best if we remained friends. y’know? you know the rule. no pogue on pogue macking.” jj offered a shy grin.

i frowned. “f-friends… yeah. okay.”

tears filled my eyes as i took a step back. “i’m gonna… i’m going to head to the chateau.”

“oh?”

“i’ll…i’ll see you around, jj,” i gave him a fake smile before stepping off into the morning air, never feeling more alone.