#and i need to ask for a sooner appointment bc at my last one i was like ‘yeah im still in terrible pain in certain areas when i even move’

[daisyjohnsn]

having to call to refill my pain medication every month is my personal hell they’re so mean on the phone

[the-californicationist]

i did send the same thing to another writer i enjoy bc i love different takes on things, but my little dumpster brain has had one thought in the last 24 hours - imagine confiding in your captain that you'd like to have a baby bc biological clock or whatever, and being in the field really puts a damper on your sex life, so that makes it difficult. but the 141 will do anything for one of their own, so if that means they're running trains and taking turns on you DAILY until it takes (and probably even after 👀), then so be it.

lol... you lit a fuckin' fire with this ask, my friend. hot!!

"The Window" (141/Reader)

You awoke to the soft tinkling noise of his belt and zipper, rattling at the edge of your bed. Your captain, John Price, was answering his call of duty, and within moments, you knew he would slip his fat, flaccid cock between your legs and allow your warmth to make him harden within you. He preferred it this way. First, he would rub you with it, heavy and smooth, smearing your wetness all over his skin. Then, with a singular talent, he would somehow stuff his soft, lolling head into your hole, feeding himself into you gently, letting your body take him in on its own as your pussy pulsed for him, and he would rub your clit absent-mindedly, comforting himself with your swollen lips, sighing raggedly as you covered him up. Once he was hard - and fuck, he was impossibly hard - he would fuck you through your blinding pleasure, his girth giving you burst after burst of hot, searing bliss.  

He wasn’t your boyfriend - none of them were - but the members of your task force, the 141, had all agreed to be the father of your child. It had started when Captain Price first saw your appointment on the team calendar. You’d meant to post it privately, but you had failed to do so. He came to you right away, his face full of worry,

“Wha’s goin’ on, Spar? Goin’ to the main base hospital… Wha’s all this about?”

So, you’d told him, a little bashfully, that you were trying to get pregnant. You’d be turning 28 this fall, and you wanted to be a mom, sooner rather than later. Every few weeks, you were shipped off to some too-cold or too-hot locale, getting shot at and flash-banged. There wasn’t really time to find a date, much less convince them that you would make a good mother. The last time you tried to use Tinder, one guy had called you ‘Rambo’ and blocked you, so it wasn’t going well. 

“I’ll go with you, little bird. Sounds important.”

“You don’t need to do that, Captain. I’m sure I can take out a loan for it…” You thought out loud, remembering the pamphlet and all of its cost breakdowns for IVF treatments.

“A loan? Last time I checked, love, it was free,” he chuckled. 

“Free when you have someone who’d be willing to give it to you, sir,” you challenged him with your confidence, trying not to be ashamed, even of your ‘Rambo’ nickname. 

“Sparrow,” he raised his voice and nearly shouted your callsign incredulously in the small mess hall where he’d found you, “There’s no bloody way you don’t have someone willing.” 

“Wha’s goin’ on, Cap?” Gaz poked his head in behind the door. 

“Nothing,” you tried to stop the literal landslide of embarrassment that was happening to you.

“She wants to have a baby,” Price told him, smiling a bit as your cheeks turned pink.

“A baby?” Gaz commented with no small amount of surprise.

“Who wants a baby?” Simon yelled out from the hallway before opening the door wider and scooting around Gaz to join into the conversation. 

“A bairn!?” Soap barged in, slamming the door all the way open and forcing Gaz to tumble into the kitchen. 

So, the whole team knew in a matter of moments, but Price kept his word. He drove you to the hospital for your appointment and asked more questions to the doctor than you did. Unfortunately, he heard all of the strictest rules and took them to heart. No cigarettes, no caffeine, plenty of rest and… plenty of exposure to male ejaculate. 

There had been a meeting, of which you were not a part, between Price and the other men in your task force, and they had come to a conclusion: they would put a baby in you. It was their singular mission. A bit of back and forth had occurred when you found out their plan.

“Is there… we dinnae want to pressure you, lass, but,” Soap looked around at Ghost, Gaz, and Price before settling back on you, “Are there any of us you wouldnae like to be the father? We willnae take offense.”

“No! I’d be happy to have any of you… I mean… But, I don’t want you to feel like you need to do this if you don’t want to,” you could feel the heat of your shame rising in your cheeks, and you knew you were as red as a lobster. You heard a bit of laughter at your comment and feared the worst. But then, Gaz explained,

“I’m afraid all of us very much want to, Sparrow.”

He had even palmed his growing cock for emphasis. 

But, it had to be fair, you decided. There should be a schedule; no favorites. And for the first month, there was. Soap was your Monday, Ghost was Tuesday, Gaz was Thursday, and Price was Friday. But then Price had a meeting and so Soap was Friday, and Price was Saturday. That meant Ghost was Monday. You were in training on Tuesday, so Gaz was Wednesday, but Soap couldn’t do Thursday or Friday because he had to go in for his annual review. So, he joined Gaz on Wednesday, stepping in right after him as if you were a pretty little mailbox and the boys had come to drop off their packages. 

When the weekly schedule fell apart, you hung a big calendar in your quarters, and they’d pencil themselves in. That was fine until you had been shipped out to Aqtabi. You’d tried to keep it up while you were in the field, remembering what day was which, but the truth was that sometimes you had no idea if it was morning or night. Was that the sun or a flare? 

And sometimes it didn’t matter. Something would happen on a mission, and Price would crawl beneath your scratchy woolen sheet, searching for the comfort of your arms, not saying a word, not even asking you if it was alright, but just taking you there in the cold night of the desert, filling you up and keeping his cock sheathed in you, safe and sound. 

And sometimes you needed them, too. Waiting on exfil, huddled together in the pouring rain beneath a sad tarp, you’d crawled into Gaz’s lap, looping your arms around his neck and letting him hold you in a cradle, using his big chest as your pillow. You’d dozed, exhausted, and he’d rubbed himself against you through your clothes, coaxing you to pull down your pants so he could empty himself into your womb, quick and filthy. You remembered how it felt when his come had soaked through your panties as you sat next to him in the helicopter, letting him hold your hand. 

You felt a little guilty that you weren’t exactly hoping for a child during those first few months. You were enjoying their affections, no matter how platonic they may have felt. 

It didn’t stay that way, though. Soap was the worst offender. When he fucked you, he wanted to spend most of his time eating you out, sucking on your clit with his mouth like a hungry dog, soaking himself in your scent and your flavor before finally mounting you, crawling over your body like the hound that he was, dipping his cock into you and beating your core like a drum. He’d stare into your eyes when he could manage it, and he’d slipped up one day and told you he loved you. That you were his girl, his wee bonnie lass, and that he’d raise the bairn with you, even if it was Black like Gaz, tall like Ghost, or had Price’s big nose. It’d be his and yours. He’d be the daddy you wanted him to be, he promised. 

Then, you’d had to deal with Gaz. He’d made dinner reservations at a restaurant near base while he had your legs held up to your chest, helping you wait the twenty suggested minutes for his “lads” to “soak in”. Told you he was just hungry, but he had also happened to buy you a nice dress, and he’d driven you in his sporty little Beamer, bright red and clean as a whistle. He’d fucked you after dinner, sneaking in a double feature, which was expressly against the rules. Told you he couldn’t help himself, and he said he’d been thinking about you all weekend, cock in hand. 

Ghost was like his namesake, haunting you all over the place. He found you in the locker room, and decided to fuck you standing up, sweaty from your sparring match. He’d washed you off in the shower, and he’d taken you in there, too, after coaxing you to make him hard again by sucking him off. Ghost would slink by you in the reference room, stalking you through the bookshelves, and dragging you to the storage closet to fuck you on all fours on the floor, maps and looseleaf pamphlets about Russian spy camps under your rosy red knees. He got vocal that night, cramped with his huge body in that tiny closet, telling you what a good girl you were for him, how you fit his fuckin’ cock so perfect, how he’d never want anyone else, how it felt so good to fill your body up with his load. 

Then, there was your captain. At first, you weren’t sure he was truly a willing participant. He seemed to avoid you unless he was on the schedule. He didn’t cut in line, and if you were on the couch or in the kitchen with one of the boys, he’d leave you be, smiling at you a bit before grabbing his tea and escaping back to his office. But, then you realized the truth: John Price wanted to put a baby inside of you more than anyone else, and he would go to the ends of the earth to make sure it happened. 

“Hey, little bird,” John’s finger pet the side of your cheek as you woke, feeling him pull down your pink silk panties so he could start to warm you up, “I’m your Sunday.”

“Mm,” you rubbed the sleep out of your eye and opened up your legs for him, giving him full access to your body on instinct at this point, “John, we gave up on the schedule. You can come whenever you want. Or, you can stop.”

“Can’t stop,” he kissed your mouth as he leaned over you, and you tasted peppermint and tobacco mixing together with something heady and lustful, “We’re in the window.”

Ah. The Window. All of the boys talked about The Window and when it was coming up next. They’d all downloaded trackers on their phones, watching you like birds of prey for when you ordered a box of tampons, checking with you to see when you were off the rag. And then, you’d be “in the window” of ovulation. Their best chance at succeeding at this mission. 

They would fuck you at any time of the month, and Soap and Price would even fuck you through your period, having read in some magazine that there was a small chance of success. But, being in The Window was like covering yourself in honey in the middle of a cave in spring and waking up all the bears inside it. Fertile ground, ripe for the taking. 

“Mm, fuck,” you keened. John had two fingers in you now, pressing on your soft spots and stretching your hole. You wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him in for another kiss, which he moaned into. 

“Feel good, Spar? You want to make me hard, pretty bird?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, looking up at him with desperate eyes, “Yeah, I do. Please, John…”

 He slipped himself in, half-hard already, and you felt the body of it slide into your core. It was soft, and you liked to squeeze it with your muscles, feeling him writhe inside of you when you did, reveling in his pleasure. He sat back on his heels to let you play with him fully, watching you grind your hips on him as he massaged your clit to its full, swollen height. He was in no rush, and he spoke to you casually. 

“Has Kyle been in this weekend?”

“No, it was Soap,” you tried to remember, “And then Ghost, and then Soap again.”

Price chuckled warmly,

“That boy wants a baby so badly.”

You smiled with him, agreeing, 

“He does. He interrupted Gaz on Thursday and asked him when he’d be done!” 

Price laughed with you then, his eyes gleaming and crinkling at the edges,

“Oh, Christ. He’d be a good one. They’d all be good.”

You watched his mood shift. There was something solemn about it, and you wanted to chase it away. You rubbed your hand along his furry belly, locking your ankles around his hips and shamelessly rocking your hips to fit more of him into you. You confessed, 

“You’d be good.”

His eyes found yours again and he stilled, wondering out loud,

“D’you think so, Sparrow?”

“I know so.”

“Can I tell you a secret, little bird?” He whispered, lowering himself into position and stuffing his hard length even deeper inside of you, making you worry just a bit if he could hurt you with that thing. 

You nodded, kissing his huge Adam’s apple in his throat and nuzzling through his beard. He told you the whole truth as he pounded himself into you without mercy, 

“Sometimes, I wish he would be mine. I wish…” He almost stopped, but he kept going, like a raft in the stream, too caught in the current to go back to the shore, “I wish you could be mine, and then I could rub lotion on your belly when you got big. And I could cook for you when you got tired, and I could read to you, even when he was still inside of you, and I know he could hear my voice. I wish, sometimes, that when it happens, that I’d be the first to know. That you’d tell me first, because you knew it was mine, because you’d want him to be mine.”

You were stunned, and you were coming, and the two were very separate events. As your pussy pulsed and tried to milk him of his come, making you dizzy and almost sick with pleasure, you were shocked by his admission. You grabbed his face and made him look you in your eyes,

“John…” You panted, coming down from your first high of many with Price, “I had no idea you felt that way.”

“I didn’t either,” he smiled, but the corners didn’t reach his eyes. 

When he fucked you this morning, you had no idea how good it could feel, but he showed you. He rutted into you, desperately, like some sort of beast, unable to stop himself. It was as if he would fuck himself bloody in you if he had to, and you wanted to take him as best you could. You felt him finally start to come, and he plugged you up with his thickness, shoving himself as deep as he would go, sealing you off and keeping you warm and elevated. 

He kept his cock in you, gasping for breath and petting the hair out of your face. He kissed you, cheeks and chin and neck, all the way down to your breasts where he suckled from your nipples, almost dreamlike in the way he was touching you, fully covered in you the entire time. 

“Sleep, birdie,” he nuzzled your neck and continued to lave his tongue over your breasts, “I’ll wake you when I’m hard again.”

Part 2

[and-claudia]

His Heir pt 23 (Darth Maul x pregnant! reader)

Taglist Here

Masterlist Here

Word count: 3457

Warnings: SMUT, MINORS DNI, public-ish sex, P in V, Qi'ra bc she's a warning, GASLIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, masturbation, fingering... I think that's it let me know if I missed something

image not mine

It was hard to imagine I was already 15 weeks pregnant. If I’m being honest, not much felt different from the past few weeks except my stomach had gotten bigger.  At my last appointment, we were told that the baby was measuring about 2.5 weeks ahead of where they actually were which I already knew to expect. Luckily Maul had already helped me order practically a whole new wardrobe that would last me hopefully through the whole pregnancy. 

The only new symptom was I constantly wanted Maul. I had never been or felt this needy ever in my life. Maul didn’t seem to mind this one bit though and had asked me over every night for the past week. I had never actually asked to come over for that purpose until about a week ago. I had tried to take care of my neediness on my own but it just was not working at all. At the moment it felt nice but afterward, I was just left wishing it were Maul. 

I was finally fed up so after the weekly meeting last week I hung back after Qi’ra left. 

“Is everything alright?” Maul asked. 

“Yeah.” I sighed, eyeing the tattoos on his exposed chest. 

Focus, Yn. Focus. 

Maul tilted his head slightly in confusion. 

“You said you would help me with anything during this pregnancy, right?” I asked. 

“Of course.” He answered immediately. 

I took a deep breath, now or never. 

“Okay, I’m just going to be honest with you, Maul. I’ve been like unexplainably horny for the past week. Nothing I’ve tried has helped either. Can I please come over tonight?” I hated the way it came out all whiny. 

“Why didn’t you say something sooner, darling?” He asked, with nothing but pure concern, “Of course you can. I’ll make us dinner and take care of you.” 

I wasn’t sure why but I had partly expected him to tease me, even just the slightest bit. But he wasn’t. He was just concerned and understanding. I felt tears prick my eyes.

“Thank you.” I said, fanning my eyes to keep from crying. 

“Of course…” He said sincerely before smirking, “Will you be able to make it through the day? We could always leave early.” 

“Tempting.” I smiled, “I’ll let you know at lunch how I’m feeling.” 

Luckily I made it through the day that day, but today didn’t look as promising. Hell, the day hadn’t even started and I wasn’t doing too well. Maul had already gone to his office, leaving me to sleep for another hour before I needed to get up and get ready as well. However, I wasn’t asleep. I was laying in Maul’s bed, hand between my legs, trying to convince myself that it was Maul down there. It was no use. I needed him.  

I got up, got ready for work and hurried to Maul’s office. I knew he wasn’t doing anything that was technically important, he was just preparing for the day. Upon hearing his door open he looked up. 

“Yn? Why are you here so early?” He asked. 

I shrugged and walked over to his side of the desk. I sat on it and looked down at him. 

“We have at least an hour before anyone else comes in for work…” I said, suggestivly. 

He quirked up one of the ridges on his browbone. 

“That’s true… Any ideas on how to fill that time?” He asked, setting down his holopad and standing up. 

“Yeah, I got a few.” 

He stepped between my legs and I reached up pulled his face down to mine to press a kiss to his lips. He kissed back without hesitation, immediately taking control. A smal moan left my lips. I rolled my hips agaisnt his desk, searching for some type of friction, but untimatle I just ended up nudging my bump against Maul’s torso. 

“Someone’s needy.” He commented, hands coming to grip my hips. 

“Shut up.” I mumbled. 

With my mouth open to speak, he slipped his tongue in and explored my mouth. The taste of his mouth never got old. I could get drunk off of it. It was intoxicating. I felt his warm hand travel up my thigh and under my dress. Higher. Higher. Higher. Finally he reached where I needed him the most. My legs parted without him having to ask. Just as his finger tips grazed over my folds he pulled away. 

“Are you not wearing anything under this?” He asked.

I shook my head. 

“Naughty girl.” He tsked. 

I shrugged and pulled him back to me. He continued to kiss me as his hand returned to where it was. 

“So wet.” He commented. 

“Maul, please.” I begged as his lips moved from my lips to my neck. 

His fingers began pumping in and out of my entrance as his thumb rubbed tight circles on my clit. I leaned back out my hands, pushing my hips as close to the edge of the desk as I could. My head tilted back, giving him more space to leave his mark. It felt amazing but I wanted more. 

I sat up more and reached blindly until they found the waist of his pants. I tugged him forward a bit by my grip on his pants, clearly trying to show him what I wanted. 

“Please.” I asked. 

He pulled away from my neck and brought one of his hands to cup my cheek. 

“I would love to, darling, but there’s not really a good place to do that in here. At least not now that we have to watch out for this one.” He said as his hand came to rest on my bump. 

I usually love and relish in the moments that he talks about our baby but right now I had other things on my mind. 

“There’s a couch in my office.” I said. 

“Your shared office.” He corrected. 

I rolled my eyes, “She never comes in early. Please.”  

I pouted my lip and gave him my best pleading eyes to really drive it home. 

“I can’t say no to you.” He mumbled before pressing a kiss to my lips. 

It was short and sweet before he stepped away and allowed me to get off the desk. I took his hand in mine and lead him through the door that connects the two offices together. 

Once we had crossed the threshold I turned around and began kissing him again. He guided me back to the couch as his hand traveled up to the top of the zipper of my dress, undoing it with one swift motion. I reached and grabbed the bottom of the tunic he was wearing.

“Fair is fair. You get to see my tits, I get to see you.” I said. 

He laughed against my lips slightly. 

“I don’t have breasts, dear.”

“You know what I fucking mean.” I mumbled, leaning back in to kiss him again but he pulled away. 

“You’ve got such a mouth on you when you’re all worked up.” He teased as he pulled off his shirt and dropped it to the ground. 

“Yeah I know, but you love it.” I shot back. 

He undressed the rest of the way, leaving us both naked as he ushered me to sit down on the lavish couch. As he went to kiss me again, it felt like he was crowding my personal space, causing me to shrink under him slightly. He used this to guide me to lay back as he came to hover over me gently. 

While supporting his weight on one hand, he used his other hand to line himself up. After a quick nod from me he began to slide into me. 

My eyes clenched shut. One hand gripped Maul’s upper arm while the other one dug into the fabric of the couch. 

“Fuuuck.” I moaned out and he eased himself in further and further until he was completely in. 

“How the hell are you still so tight? I’ve fucked you every night this week.” Maul mumbled. 

My walls clenched slightly at his words, causing him to be squeezed even more. 

“Shit.” He dropped his head back, chest visibly rising and falling as he tried to breathe deeply. 

“Please tell me that you’re okay for me to move now. If you keep squeezing me like that, I won’t last long.” He said. 

My brain was already fuzzy and all I could do was nod. He pulled back before sliding back in. We’d had sex enough during the past week that he didn’t even have to remember where that sweet spot was. It was all instinctual at this point. 

My high pitched moans felt like they were echoing off the walls along with Maul’s occasional grunt. 

With one hand still supporting himself over me, he brought his other hand to work on my clit again.

My back began to arch slightly and my eyes screwed shut. 

“Maul.” His name left my lips in breathy moans. 

I was walking the line between absolute pure bliss and overwhelming overstimulation and it was sending me to my climax at an almost alarmingly fast rate. 

Then suddenly, Maul stopped mid thrust as the door to the office opened suddenly. My eyes snapped open and my head turned to the door where Qi’ra stood, looking down at her holopad. 

When she stepped in, she glanced up and let out a scream, dropping the device in her hands as she saw both of us naked, fucking on the couch. Her eyes shifted from Maul, then to me, then back to Maul before she locked eyes with me. 

"Don't you know how to knock? Get out!" Maul snapped as he breathed heavily. 

She was clearly too stunned to speak. I smirked as I reached up to cup Maul’s cheek to get him to face me again before I pulled him down to meet my lips with his. That was all it took for Maul to get the hint. He smirked against my lips then rolled his hips to continue his trust into me that had been so rudely interrupted. I moaned against his lips as Qi'ra continued to stand there. 

When I pulled back Maul turned his head to look over to the side at Qi’ra who’s eyes were still locked onto me. 

"Okay, well don't just stand there! Either get to work or get out!" Maul snapped, causing her to suddenly return to the moment. 

She shook her head and screwed her eyes shut before rushing out of the room, nearly tripping over her own feet. 

Maul looked back down to me. 

"Well your work day just got a bit more interesting." He teased, dropping his head down to kiss my neck. 

"Shut up and keep fucking me." I said, strteching my head back to give him more acesss to my neck.

I felt his warm breath dance across my skin as he let out a small, amused laugh at my request. 

“Yes, ma’am.” He mumbled before moving on to work on a new marking. 

He began rubbing tight circles on my clit again as the pace of his hips quickened. I was once again racing to my climax. 

“Maul, ‘m close.” I mumbled. 

He continued on, not letting up for even a split second. It wasn’t long until my walls clamped tightly around him, causing him to falter slightly. He finally lessened the pressure on my clit, but continued to pump his hips, helping me ride out my high as long as possible. The increase of friction had him racing to his own climax. I felt him twitch slightly, knoiwng what was to come. On his next thrust he buried himself seemiingly impossibnly deeper before he came. The feeling of his release had me a moaning mess beneath him. 

“Maul.” His name came out as an almost choked moan. 

“I know, I know.” He said gently as he continued to rock his hips as he empty out every last bit of his release deep within my walls. 

My eyes fluttered shut as i laid there trying to catch my breath, chest heaving. Maul slowly pulled out then shift my seemingly weightless body so he could laydown behind me as he turned me to lay on my side. I kept my eyes closed but brought one arm to tuck un my head. Maul did the same then brought his free arm to wrap around my waist as his hand rested on my bump. 

He pressed a gentle kiss to the skin just beanth my ear. 

“I wish we could, but we can’t stay like this for long. We do have work that needs to be done.” He whispered. 

I gave a small nod, “Just 5 minutes.” 

He hummed in response and relaxed a bit more behind me. His body radiated warmth and it was nearly impossible to not feel completely relaxed. I wasn’t sure how long we laid there but now, Maul was gently waking me back up. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep completely.” I said, blinking in the bright light of the room. 

“It’s alright. It wasn’t very long. We need to get moving though, the housekeeping droids will be here soon to clean up.” 

I nodded and slowly sat up with him following close behind. Their was a robe sitting on the foot of the couch. 

“I figured you would probably want to go get cleaned up a bit before returning for work.” Maul said as he reached for it and handed it to me. 

I took with a smile before leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek, “Thank you.” 

I stood with it and began to slip it on, “I’ll probably just run to my quarters real quick since it’s closer.” 

I said and he nodded as he stood to collect his own clothes from the ground and redressed. Once he was I stepped in front of him to give him one last kiss. 

“I’ll be back in a little bit.” I said. 

“Take your time.” He said before we both went our separate ways. 

Instead of just rinsing off quickly, I decided to actually take my time. About an hour later, the housekeeping droids had cleaned the office. And I was returning to the office to actually start my day. 

"Good morning, Qi'ra." I said as I walked into our shared space. 

She looked up at me blankly.

"You okay? You seem a bit pale." I commented. 

Quickly her face heated up and turned red as anger was set ablaze in her eyes. 

"It was Lord Maul this whole time!?" She asked. 

"What?" I cocked my head to the side in mock innocence. 

"You've been fucking Lord Maul all this time! I don’t know how I didn’t put two and two together before. Back when we were ordering the supplies for the compound, the pregnancy tests. You said you were seeing someone, why didn’t you say it was Lord Maul?" She yelled. 

"Qi'ra, I have no idea what you're talking about. Maul and I are not hooking up. I’m carrying his heir. That’s all." I said, I knew denying it would piss her off even more than me just admitting to it. 

I had been waiting for this moment, I was going to have some fun with it. 

"Yes you do! I saw you two!" 

"What? Saw who?" I asked, I looked at her like she had gone crazy. 

"You and Lord Maul were having sec right there on that couch!" She said.

"What couch?" I said. 

“That one!” She said, pointing to where the piece of furniture should have been.

I wasn’t aware that the housekeeping droids removed it from the office which was making this whole thing 10 times better on my end. 

“Qi’ra, did you like drink or something before coming into work? I’m not going to rat you out or anything, but damn. You’re seeing shit, maybe take the day off.” I said, walkign over to sit down at my desk. 

“I know what I saw.” She insisted. 

“Look I don’t know what you saw. But I can asure you that I wasn’t having sex with anyone this morning. Unless sex is slang for puking your brains out. I spent my morning in the refresher with morning sickness.” I said. 

"Oh yeah? Then who did I see?" She crossed her arms over her chest. 

"I don't know, wasn't me, though." 

"Yes it was and you are so going to get fired for it." She said. 

"Okay, I’ll humor you for a moment. Let’s say I did have sex with Maul, on a couch in here that ahs since mysteriously diapereared, I’m not hooking up with him, but just this one time, let’s pretend I had sex with him. Please explain to me how telling Maul that him and I had sex would work, Qi'ra?" I asked trying to get her to ralize how stupid she sounded. 

"It’s clearly an unprofessional work relationship." She said smugly. 

I couldn’t help myself, a loud lush left my lips and I looked at her from where I sat.

"Okay, for starters, in case you hadn’t noticed, we don’t work in a typical work enviroment, Qi’ra. This is a crime syndacate. Normal work protocol doesn’t really exist here. Two, I just want to make sure I’m tracking corectly. You're going to go tell Maul that you caught him and me fucking in this office. Right, that’s your plan?" 

I was desperately trying to get her to relize the major flaw in her plan. 

"Exactly! When he sees how unprofessional you've been, you'll be gone." 

"So, I just want to clarify, you think you saw Maul and I having sex in here this morning, you know think that I've been ducking him for sometime now. So, you're going to go tattle on me to Maul, and you expect him to fire me?" I asked.

She nodded. 

“Qi’ra, let me ask you this. If Maul is the one I’m having sex with, so in other words, he’s been fuck me, why would he fire me if he’s apart of it too?” 

I could see the moment the lightbulb flipped on her head. She stuttered, trying to formulate an answer but failed miserably, "I know what I saw." She snapped finally. 

I threw my hands up in surrender. 

“You know what, Qi’ra, I won’t argue with you. If that’s what you think you saw, then so be it. All I know is that I wasn’t in here this morning. I don’t know what Maul was up to, maybe he has someone.”

I had honestly expected to feel a little hurt by even just saying that, but I was surprised to find it had no effect over me. Perhaps it’s because I knew that despite the fact that we weren’t officially together, Maul and I were much more than just two friends having a baby. Did I want a relationship with him? Of course I did, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him. 

“Why would he be fucking in our office?” She asked quietly. 

I wasn’t sure if she actually meant for me to hear her or not, but I was going to answer regardless. 

“Maybe you finally messed up enough and he’s replacing you.” I said. 

“Or you.” She shot back. 

“Qi’ra my spot here is secure. I’m having his baby, rember?” 

“How could I forget? You flaunt it around constantly…” She mumbled the last bit but once again I heard her. 

“I’m not flaunting it. Just because I’m no longer hiding it, doesn’t mean I’m suddenly flaunting it around. And it’s not my fault that literally everyone else besides you is excited about the future of Crimson Dawn.” I shot back. 

“Whatever, Yn… Just know, if I find out that you’re lying to me and you are hooking up with Maul, and trust me I will find out the truth, I will make you regret it.” She said. 

“Careful. Maul said to report anyone who threatens me or our child. That sounded like a threat to me. I’ll give you one last chance. But if you threaten me again, I’ll let Maul take care of you. And you know by now that there won’t be any coming back from that.” 

My last comment seemed to have gotten her to shut up. She didn’t have anything to say back to me after that. I picked up and began working on my datapad. Focussing on my work was hard though, my mind kept wandering to Maul. It wasn’t like earlier though… no, now I couldn’t help but think about how I was in love with him and how I was finally going to tell him. 

A/N: Remember to always GASLIGHT Qi'ra, Girlboss as Maul's head advisor, and Gatekeep Lord Maul

Taglist: @fan-g0rl @mxkyrie @onceuponanightmareisawme @lothiriel9 @wordsfromshona @kgbtardis @wondermia69 @mh073099 @ktrivia @fifithexeno @perseny @justalittletomato @pomiotszatana @ameliachastain @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @its-me-meg @kbarnes-2001@bluusugar @happyheartsss @clairebear1621 @rljart @xxxqueenlaufeysonxxxxo @lilallybug @ghoulishjester

@kizzyxren if this was/is your tag it does NOT work!!

[aita-ghosting]

AITA for leaving my ex in a potentially abusive relationship?

(CW self harm, verbal and emotional abuse)

TL;DR I broke up with a poly couple and I'm afraid that one party is being abused by the other, but I don't feel comfortable reaching out.

I (23F) met ex A (28F) at work last year, she began flirting with me even though she was engaged to ex B (28F), but once they clarified being poly, I agreed to start dating A. Eventually, I got involved with B as well, and around that time, A became slower to respond to my texts. I sought comfort with B, who would give me updates about how A was sad that we didn't go out as much. I admt that I should have been more upfront—I'm pretty inexperienced with dating, let alone polyamory, and I didn't give A the attention she deserved. That's on me.

Eventually, A and I amicably broke up in February. She was very mature the whole time, setting boundaries while still being kind to me, and we ended the night well. The very next night, B calls me on speaker berating me about how I was treating A and going over the same issues I thought A and I already addressed. This talk greatly distressed both myself and A.

Still not seeing the red flags, I continued talking to B until my mental health took a nosedive a few weeks later. TL;DR for a mix of reasons my depression hit me hard and I relapsed on self harm. I did some things I'm not proud of, including berating myself in front of coworkers; for that, I'm TA. Regardless, realizing I need help and comfort, I called B, whose first words to me were "oh anon... you know what this means, right? You need to go see a therapist." Which, yeah, but that's not the first thing I need to hear in crisis!

After scheduling some appointments, I texted B hoping she'd be proud of me for taking care of myself. Instead she continued to berate me for "seeking attention" by hurting myself while on the clock. She broke up with me shortly afterwards, implying I wasn't mature enough for her bc I felt "grown up" scheduling a doctor's appointment (worth noting that my close friends WERE proud of me when I told them), and then admitted that an ex of hers once compared her to his former abuser. While playing it off. Yikes.

We tried to stay friends, but after once again being berated by her over text for not answering a simple question correctly, and then being low-key gaslit when I told her I felt scared around her (basically she told me I had no right to feel scared of her setting boundaries and that it was my fault anyway for "not being honest with [her]"), I decided, encouraged by some friends, to cut her off. I don't regret this action. Looking back, B was very much verbally and emotionally abusive to me. My only regret is not noticing sooner.

Back to A, who's the real person I'm worried about. We weren't as close, but we had a friendly working relationship. Recently, though, she was fired from work. She doesn't post on social media and I'm beginning to worry for her, since if B was so nasty to me, she must be even worse to her fiancee. However, because of the role A played in my hurt (remember, we worked together, and conversations she and I had were sometimes used against me by B), I do not feel comfortable reaching out; what if B finds out and gives me hell? I have B's number muted, but she knows where I live. Then again, this might be an irrational fear I'm using as an excuse to not reach out to someone who might need help. But then again then again, I might be reading too much into this and A's fine.

Ugh, I don't know. This is seriously eating me up and I don't know what the right thing is. WIBTA for ghosting A? Or should I suck it up and ask if she's okay?

[utakoi]

Office Yandere HCs

Pairings: Assistant!Izuku Midoriya, Investor!Shoto Todoroki, Chauffeur!Hitoshi Shinso x Boss!Fem!reader

Summary: Ever wonder what it would be like to be the boss of some office yanderes and basically have a harem? Well, look no further, cause here it is!

Warnings: smut !!18+ ONLY!! (spunking in food + masturbation + dirty thoughts + oral), yandere themes (noncon)

A/N: Bc my brain kept me up at night with this concept and has made it’s final decision on turning a one shot I was in the middle of writing into a series, I decided to write some messy hcs to take a lil breather from long works (evn tho this is kinda long already). Also, if you think this is the last you’ll hear about office yanderes, no no no, I have some other thoughts for other characters

Assistant!Midoriya Izuku

He is over the moon to hold a position that’s the closest to you

Out of your entire yandere office harem, he gets to spend the most time with you

He also definitely has an advantage since he practically schedules your entire day

For example, Shoto constantly tries to schedule one-on-one meetings with you in the guise of it being a matter of business, but Izuku cock blocks him by filling your day with a bunch of other events in order to make the meetings as short as possible, and sometimes, even cuts them out completely

He doesn’t like doing it often tho since he knows you can get too stressed with too much going on so he reluctantly has to give away some time for you to meet with the other yanderes (he’s still kind of a sweet and considerate bby as a yandere)

Will not give you personal space

Stands close to you during meetings, constantly visits your office to work (even tho his personal office is right next to yours), etc etc

Even if you don’t ask him to, he will fetch your meals and give you snacks throughout the day because he wants to take care of you and show how sweet he is (also because he wants you to imagine how good of a boyfriend he’d be if you just gave him a chance)

Now let’s get to the part that just popped up into my mind and inspired this entire post: if he can hide his cum somewhere in your food, he will do it

That coffee he gave you that tasted a little salty? Izuku spunked inside it.

The sandwich he bought that seemed to have more mayo than usual? He spunked in that, too

Whatever you think doesn’t taste right, it’s definitely because of Izuku

// // // // //

Izuku is thankful for his job because of two specific things: he gets to interact with you for most of the day and his office has a built in personal bathroom.

If he were to be forced to use the regular employee restroom, his lewd acts would have been exposed immediately by anyone who happened to walk in; he was never the best at holding his moans and grunts while jacking himself off after all.

In the privacy of his own bathroom, he could be as loud as he wants with both his breathy, pleasure-ridden voice and the slick sounds of him stroking his lube-covered cock. In fact, he’s even trying to be as loud as possible. 

Since your office is right next to his, there’s a small chance that you may be able to hear him through the walls. He can visualize you entering his office, concern decorating your features, wondering what he could possibly be doing to make such noises. If you were to open his bathroom door, you’d be met by the sight of Izuku sitting on the lid of the toilet, his hand vigorously pumping up and down his shaft. 

And he wouldn’t stop.

He’d just keep going, all the while staring at you right in the eye. He wonders what you’d do then. Would you just stay frozen at your spot, being unable to take your eyes off of him? Or maybe you’d get on your knees, completely turned on and ready to have a taste of his cum? What if you were actually more dominant than he thought and you’d just dig your heels into his dick, punishing him for slacking off his job by not letting him find release?

Fuck, any of those scenarios would be fine by him. 

Unfortunately, as he gets close to reaching his peak, you don’t come into his office at all. That’s alright, though.

He’ll just settle with spunking into your coffee, for now.

Investor!Shoto Todoroki

Needs your attention

Like I said earlier, Shoto will keep trying to schedule meetings with you in the guise of it being a matter of business 

really, he just wants to spend time with you

During the meetings, he will also try to convince you to fire Izuku so that he can get rid of who he deems as someone deliberately keeping the two of you apart (which, for once, is a pretty spot on theory from Shoto)

Will try to spoil you with gifts and make excuses or pass it off as a casual thing so you don’t reject it or deem it as inappropriate for a workplace relationship

The beautiful bouquet of flowers? He was buying flowers for his mother on the way over and  the flower shop had a 2 for 1 deal so why not?

These gourmet chocolates? A fellow business partner of his gave him a box as thanks for his investment. Unfortunately, he’s allergic to one of the ingredients, but it would just be a waste to throw them out, no?

This exquisite diamond necklace? weLL-

You get the point (also, these gifts are definitely inspired by romance movies he saw his sister watching while growing up cuz oof he did not know any means of romance until he met you)

He aims to schedule his meetings with you around lunch time so that he has an excuse to treat you for lunch

He loves providing for you AKA he loves providing for you and showing off how he has the means to take care of you (much like Izuku)

If you were to become his wife, you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life

You can just stay at home and relax

Maybe you can even cook him breakfast and pack lunch for him before he works

That’s basically his dream

He wants you to stay home, waiting for your sweet husband to come back from work

Basically, he’ll take care of your every need, and he means EVERY need

// // // // //

It’s one of those nights again.

Shoto can’t sleep because he’s plagued by thoughts of you. Today, you weren’t able to meet him for lunch because you already had a flood of other appointments to attend (he was willing to bet his entire fortune that it’s because of your stupid assistant’s scheduling that you weren’t able to make it). 

So, needless to say, he was pent up. He can only hop that you fall in love with him sooner. Did his charms just not work on you? Do you not like the cool stoic type? Maybe he just wasn’t giving you the right gifts. Were they not expensive enough to impress you? Not expensive enough to show he could provide for you?

He knows he can take care of you so well. You would never have to work another day in your life. You can just stay home, surrounded by luxurious gifts and servants who’ll be at your beck and call while you wait for his return. 

And once he actually did come home after a long day of work? You’d be bathed in affection. Kisses, hugs, cuddles... and more.

You’d want him just as much as he wants you, right? 

His poor wife, lonely and deprived of the one person she loves for such long hours. He’s got to show that he’s sorry for neglecting you. 

Pushing you down onto the bed, he’d run his hands all over your body, massaging your shoulders, pinching your hardening nipples, brushing over your sensitive thighs... And since he’s also quite needy, he’d be grinding down his still-clothed cock on your pussy, showing off that he’s missed you, too.

Shoto doesn’t even think he’d have the patience to take off your clothes. He’d just keep dry humping you, desperate for his own release. The thin cloth preventing the both of you from making actual skin-on-skin contact would make such great friction. He can practically feel it now.

... And yup, the feeling was definitely not just from his imagination. Without even needing to glance down, Shoto already knows that his thoughts of you has caused him to pop a boner. 

Hopefully, a quick jerk off session can tire him out enough to fall asleep, but with how much his hard cock throbbed, he doubted it.

Chauffeur!Hitoshi Shinso

2nd most envied out of your office harem for his job (he’s right next to Izuku)

Why? Well 1 - he gets one on one time with you daily and 2 - that one on one time is him and you in an enclosed space

Sure, he may not get as much time with you as the others, but he sure makes the best use of it

He’ll be chatting you up, getting to know you personally in order to make the atmosphere less awkward between the two of you (tbh, because he gives off standoffish and cold vibes, y’all are gonna be kinda tense when he’s just gotten his job as a chauffeur)

and he does it so discreetly

He’ll start the conversation of lightly, talking about the weather, how busy you’re going to be that day...

and then somehow it just transitions onto friendlier and more personal topics such as your favorite places to eat, what hobbies you’ve been trying out lately, etc

And he uses that info to his advantage

If he senses that you’re feeling stressed or down, he will drive you over to your favorite places and remind you that you should relax

But not only does he get brownie points for that, but would you really be so mean as to make him wait for you while you eat a meal or walk around the mall when he’s the one who’s trying so hard to cheer you up?

Of course not, you’re going to invite him and thank him for considering how you’re feeling

And if not, well, that’s okay, too, he understands (so long as he gets his brownie points)

As the boss of your own company, you’d often be asked out to meetings or social gatherings that involve drinking

Shinso’s always there whenever you get shit faced, and happily so

You’re drunk and you’re not gonna remember it the next morning, anyway... so why would he waste such a golden opportunity?

// // // // //

Shit, you feel great on his body.

Currently, Shinso is living out one of the best moments of his life. He’d come to pick you up from a drinking session with some investors and was ecstatic to find you drunk out of your mind. Hell, you could barely even slur out your orders for him to drive you home. Now, you’re pressed up against him as he holds you up and guides you to the car. 

Testing out the waters, he cheekily squeezes the flesh of your ass. If you were conscious enough to reprimand him for it, then he could easily just apologize and pass it off as an accident since you were stumbling around so much. 

And if you didn’t mention anything... well then, that was the single indicator he needed to know that you wouldn’t remember anything once you woke up in the morning. 

To his delight, you barely reacted to his touch and even let out a high-pitched giggle at his actions. As quickly as he possibly could, he opens up the back of the limousine and pushes you inside. You plop down onto the seat with a huff, completely inebriated. 

You don’t even register when Shinso crawls in and nudges himself in between your legs. 

When the door slams shut, you flinch a little, prompting Shinso to massage your thighs in an attempt to soothe you. He gazes at you lovingly as you look down at him with your dilated pupils. Fuck, you look way too innocent and adorable for what he’s about to do. 

Quick with his hands, he pulls down your waistband and completely exposes your sex. Before diving into his meal, he places light kisses that trail from your calf all the way up to your thighs. He wishes he could leave marks on your skin, but he wouldn’t want you to panic the next morning when you see clusters of purple and blue spread out all over your legs. 

He eats you out like a man starved, slobbering all over your pussy. All the while, you’re making such cute noises for him. When you gush all over his face, he’s happily lapping it all up, trying not to waste a single drop. 

Once you’ve come down, he dresses you back up as if nothing happened, which, in your mind tomorrow, nothing did. 

Shinso hesitates when he’s about to slide the panties back onto you. Maybe he could get away with just a little souvenir?

[soranihimawari]

Fundamental Truths

@multi-fandom-fanfic (🐹) & @m0nstergeneration20xx

Companion piece for Decode My Love: The engagement and wedding invitations are being prepared to be sent out one afternoon. Oikawa and YN are preparing for a trip back to Japan when one person is discussed in length as to whether or not he should attend.

Iwazumi x reader// exes to strangers to acquaintances(?)// angst (hurt, comfort bc reuniting with ex-lovers makes yn-san want nothing but to begin the arms of the one she loves most)

Warnings: angst to comfort (Iwazumi angst to Oikawa comfort for reader)

YN doesn’t look ugly when she cries and I think that’s beautiful.

It is no secret that the captain for the Parisian Olympic bound team has many reasons to celebrate in their home country: Argentina. One, their star setter and beloved transplant setter, OIkawa Tooru, finally had asked his long term-girlfriend to become his first and last fiancé. Second, they secured their ticket after taking home as silver medal in the world’s tournament hosted not too long ago in southwest Ecuador. Regardless of the pandemic, you sit in the crowd of elated supporters with your newly bejeweled hand on full display. The news outlets also choose to replay or print the photo of when you run down courtside and your fiance catches you in his arms. He holds you tightly as he hears you cry with him he won, again. More often than not, the fans of both him and by proxy you, have come to terms to seeing this is wheat their favorite athlete is like when he is truly in love. Nothing can conquer or challenge this moment. Or so you thought.

Late, on a Saturday night, you are busy deciding who amongst your shared relatives gets the pleasure of watching you two take on vows and celebrate your beginnings of the next logical chapter of your relationship with Oikawa Tooru. Your job, thankfully, had previous chapters in Argentina so when the move to have you live on the other side of the world with him was presented to you, you agree to take on the task as being the liaison for the Japan branches. However, you hear Tooru rummaging through the fridge for a late night, pre-bedtime, snack. You’ve paused your film to talk about the one person who eluded all conversations about the groom’s party and the other former friend whom you have since stopped speaking to altogether.

“We have to talk about him sometime,” you said that morning. You gage Tooru’s reaction while he stands half dressed in his sweatpants while whisking pancake batter.

“He is my best friend, yn-San, but he is still your ex,” Oikawa pouts saying he might have over done it this time. You remind him to add cinnamon and add a little more flour as the griddle is hot enough to start the process.

“I know,” you groan. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sigh uttering a,”I know..”

“Do you want him there?” Oikawa asks after a few beats of silence goes by. This time, you observe the bowl landing opposite of where you sit in the bar island in front of the kitchen.

“Not really, but for you, I don’t care either way—we should invite him,” you give an honest, yet mature answer.

Oikawa hums mentioning the pancakes will be done sooner than he thought.

It’s currently 6:47PM in Miyagi. In passing, you had mentioned to Oikawa you don;t care for much of the theatrics of a wedding, the simpler the better because who else do we need but each other was your logic. Your fiance laughs saying that sounds like such ‘yn response.’ You’ve been to many weddings in the past thus far in your life, many of them were in Argentina, and perhaps a handful of coworker ones whenever you visit home. Lately, though, your phone vibrates in your hands. The appointed meeting place was the same as where promises of yesterday were made: the playground across the old Banyan Trees by your old high school.

Oikawa was having family dinner with Takeru, who was rumored to be seen hanging out with another sunshine child. Regardless, you lean against one of the trunks with the envelope in your hands. Your palms are sweaty, just like the summer you turned nineteen. Two and a half years of teen romance and perhaps one final ‘first time’ before he was scheduled to leave for another world, Iwazumi’s boyish looks and stunning phsysique is what flooded your nostalgic mind. Glancing at your phone, you hear your name being called by a familiar guy—dressed in khakis and an old Team JPN polo, you see your ex walk toward you. You, you are dressed in wide legged jeans, a tank top, and a comfy sweater gifted to you by Oikawa on your first 100 days anniversary shortl;y after the all-star game.

Coming to face to face with an ex is like a trial by fire, but for all intents and purposes, on the flight back to Miyagi, Tooru holds your hand saying it’s ok to chicken out. You are deft enough to deny chickening out, you can’t because you need closure. OIkawa nods, saying the offer to pick you up still stands after having dinner with Takeru. When your phone notifications went off, it was because you were contacting your fiance saying you see your ex coming your way; another buzz and chime goes off wishing you luck.

“I’m surprised you remembered,” you greet with a small smile.

“How could I forget?” Iwazumi looks so much older now. A few lines accentuate his lips, meaning he had a lot of smiles to be given and so many were seen by the women of his past. Your friend among them. Iwazumi stares a little too longingly at you, eyeing your mannerisms that you seemed to have done anytime you’re nervous around him. He recalls the first time coming here to watch the meteor shower, an idea Oikawa had had when you were kind of moping around since the conservatory was closed for the phenomena.

“You cut your hair,” he points to his neck. You always kept your hair long with him. It as a one of the softest materials he ever had the pleasure of running his hands through. First loves are always hard to ignore, even now with glossy eyes in the side street lights illuminating the park around you. Does it help the setting sun had dipped below the sky so Iwazumi is stuck facing your iconic silhouette? Absolutely not. Six years all together had passed between you both and in that time, Iwazumi had been a coward. A coward toward you, toward himself, toward your old friend who is now among the list of ex’s in his life, but you don’t need to know that. Not now when a humbling stone in the shape of Polaris glistens like a homing beacon to the athletic trainer’s eyes. The word ‘congratulations’ is stuck in the back of his throat. It remains there when you begin the conversation again.

“Yeah, I did,” you say, playing with the ends like you always did. “Figured since I started a new job recently and with the wedding next year, thought I should have healthier hair.”

He chuckles, kicking invisible dirt off his shoes.

“I’m happy for you, you know,” Iwazumi says after taking a deep breath. You glance up at him bewildered to see the stoic man emote more than a serious flat lipped smile. “Before you give me that,” he points at the envelope with his name in your handwriting. “I owe you an explanation.”

“Iwa, you don’t have to,” you said.

“But I do,” he places his hands in his pants pockets now. You bite your lower lip, your hair floats in the wind like it did the day you said good bye in more ways than one. Your brain makes a choice for your already mended heart, you wanted this private conversation for so long; the longer you put it off was the longer you don’t have to see the regret written all over his countenance. No wonder OIkawa offered to pick you up. And so you listen to how Iwazumi Hajime, twenty-eight years old, apologize for a mistake which turned into two years of a bicoastal love.

“She and I hung out after we bumped into each other at a party. We kept talking off and on and whenever we found ourselves in each other’s company, the ‘what if’ kept floating in my head…”

“So you just decided to ask her on Huntington Beach to be yours? How quaint,” you said. Your voice does this thing, where it breaks in the middle like you’re about to cry or snap. You don’t though. You can’t, because be it as it may, the past that concerned you, remained the same. It has been some time since you looked at him an angry glare dissipates the second he continues:

“I guess I just missed you and one thing lead to another—”

“You missed me?! You go off to pursue your dreams States side, break my heart further by dating my best friend, all because you missed me? Iwazumi, you know better!”

Your words hit him and they sting like a thousand wasps to his heart. You’re usually the calm one, but when pushed into the red room of anger, you are quite vicious, for good reason. You unleash all the pent up rage and sadness; Iwazumi stands in front of you absorbing how when your roars subside, he realizes the gravity of the pain he had caused.

“You didn’t have to push me that far away,” you whisper looking over your shoulder. “But the truth is you went off to pursue someone who reminded you of me, true or false?”

In hindsight, Iwazumi would proclaim he didn’t have a type. Well, he didn’t…until he began to notice the pattern of recent bed warmers: they either looked like you, spoke their mind like you did, knew what he liked, etc. what a day to find that out, huh?

“False,” he lies.

You catch him in it, a hurt laugh is exchanged.

“Mentiroso!” You learned what the word meant and you used it to call his lie out.

“…What do you want me to say? I know what I did and for that I’m sorry you had to put yourself together and take a leap of faith without me to guide you.”

“You let me go the moment you and her became sweet to each other,” your voice is raw like you had yelled at him. In truth, though you did not, you had a raw break in your voice. However, you pinch the bridge if your nose and sigh after placing the hand back down your side:

“Thank the gods for your friends,” he perks up listening to your side of the story. He knew it was bad, he heard it from Hanamaki and Mattsukawa one night. You were asleep with rosy eyes and pink nose, wheezing like you were crying all night. He recalls being a dick about not caring, but in reality all he wanted to do was comfort you, but he had another person to satisfy and give his all to. At the moment, she was asleep on his lap, though now all thoughts of recent one night stands or even an old flame are pushed out of his mind.

You go off on your rant explaining to him the set-destructive behavior you went on for weeks at a time, saying it was a miracle you even graduated top twenty in your class. Your absences and even one semester off to truly get over him and be more mentally stable was the same year you graciously flew to Argentina. You had to overlook California for all the love lost it had in it, you say this with confidence: your smile returns sweetly. Iwazumi knows that softer expression—it’s a different look than when you were teenagers—wide softer eyes, playing with jewelry while your brain replays recent memories of feeling loved wholly despite the past.

The third year, when Oikawa’s PR agent asked him to enter a contract relationship, the setter said he didn’t want to because he had you keep his heart in his hands; international news hit the rumor mill at the gym where Iwazumi worked. Your photo seen with Oikawa leaving a restaurant together in te south of Thailand one spring is ran with the subtitle of ‘mystery woman is actually been linked to the Argentine setter for a little over ten months now,’ according to the broadcast. You thankfully wore sunglasses and a modest traditional outfit during the festival of water. Oikawa’s hands never linger too far from your arms keeping you warm through the balloon fight you were photographed in. Iwazumi recalls that day again as he explains that was the moment he knew no amount of apologizes could ever make you look at him like that again: toothy grin, cheeky kisses shared to hide your face, etc.

“I betrayed you, and your heart once,” Iwazumi’s brows pinch together the way you’ve come to notice is his tell of when he’s truly being honest with himself. “But seeing Oikawa with you, making you laugh and smile, knowing how I was the reason why you couldn’t, that made it so much worse.”

You tell him it’s ok to have felt that way, you remind him though his voice is reminiscent of his collegiate past, he never contacted you, not once while he attended school out of your neighborhood. Seafaring was a mutual agreement since college would have put a strain on your relationship and though you were stubborn in making it work, you clearly knew now it would not. That in of itself made you low-key angry at yourself, but you let it slide. Immaturity in young love is to be expected, but learning how to heal and grow? It’s something you learned day by day.

“All I asked was to still be a part of your life, even if we weren’t romantically involved,” your voice has been sharpened like iron. “All I wished for was my first and probably for a few good years there, ex to attempt to be friends with me again. How did you forget that was what we were in the first place? We were in the same class for three years, Hajime! Only for you and I to have the worse, yet agonizingly painful breakup sex out of respect for the distance you had to put us through? We were so young then, huh?”

He scoffs, adding a breathy, “Foolishly mad for each other.”

You nod. The envelope in your hand is pressed against his chest. “This is yours if you want it.”

Iwazumi understands the olive branch he was given. He knows through the dead light in the back of your eyes, you don’t forgive him. And why would you anyways? He knew what he did, he knew what kind of betrayal he had transgressed on your heart, yet here you were, delivering something he never thought would have happened. Sure, seeing your best friend pursue and woo the lady whom you never really moved on from hurts like a bitch, but knowing how to move forward without her kindness, her peace of mind, her idiotic laughter—was the emotional equivalent off being hit by a sixteen wheeler. As you tell him over your shoulder your good byes, you tack on a stern, “Be brave, Iwazumi Hajime. I’m kind of hard to replace.”

Smiling, broken and true, he says the same thing you did when you leave with him that fateful night: “Forever without you is going to be a cruel winter.”

Hours later, in the comfort of his own flat, Iwazumi Hajime opens the envelope. Pulling out the cardex with the silver and gold font, he reads the invitation to himself. He recognizes his best friend’s name and the people who raised him, then slowly he turns to read yours in the westernized font. Your parents’ names were written with parenthesis underneath signifying their passing in your youth (you were raised by your godparents whose names are listed below instead).

“You still love her,” your friend accuses her boyfriend of scrolling through Oikawa’s feed. The setter’s stories are always filled with candid photos of you; some in new filters that made Iwazumi’s heart crack slightly. The smile you had claimed to lose its shine now hits your eyes again.

“Baby, I do not,” he frowns. Another argument is brewing and perhaps at the end of this, said girlfriend and former friend of yours, decides to leave for good saying he needed to sort his shit out. If he wasn’t doing a good job hiding how much he wanted to talk to you that night at the event last month, he should have just given you the closure you needed. Maybe it would have started with coffee like your friendship in first year when you told him he was falling asleep in math class. Perhaps he would be the one you fall asleep on in planes for anniversary trips during the off season. Hell, if Iwazumi Hajime wanted to be truly forgiven, he would have asked an impossible question. Choosing and knowing now he can’t do it because of how happy his best friend makes you is what drives him to call his girlfriend at the time and break things off. Your friend shakes her head knowing of the part she played in betraying your friendship, yet she is glad to have had the chance to love Iwazumi. Even if all he thought was seeing shadows of you as of late.

Glossing over the fancy invitation again, Iwazumi notices another thing. The address and such were suprisingly listed in Japan. You must have met Oikawa half-way with wanting to have the wedding back at home. Chuckling to himself, Iwazumi sits down on his recliner as he notices another cardex with the attending or not check mark sandwiched between another paper. He debated thinking about not attending the reception, but he checks the going box because he wants to be the one to take that secondary step in being in your good graces (more so than Oikawa’s). Showing up to an ex’s wedding is rough on the palate, yet he doesn’t hesitate in doing what he ought to have done: just like you asked to be friends again, and if it’s a reach, at least showing he supports this—you and Oikawa—is the first step to see each other as friends and part time lovers from your youth, then what else is there to lose?

Feeling a different textured paper behind the index card size where Iwazumi checked off the ‘attending ceremony,’ he pulls out the folded paper. This time though, the small diamond folded-letter is dated the night he leaves for California. A few blots of ink were splattered, meaning your heart was breaking for a second time since he had said his goodbyes to you on a bed that wasn’t his own:

Hajime,

Come back to me soon, ok? Stay safe out there and out of trouble. I know I don’t really have many chances to say this because you know that you always beat me to it. So, as late as it is, I needed you to know a few things: 1. No matter what anyone else says, you are my first love. 2. If we ever cross paths again, just smile and wave even if it’s the Olympics. 3. Fall in love with me or without me, please. I encourage you to come back, but I understand perhaps not now (hell, even later if you and I don’t get closure) you need to learn to love again. 4.I’m not sorry for loving you, I just wished you let me love you a little less so I wouldn’t miss you as much as you think. 5. I love you. I love you. I love you. Repeat that every morning, every afternoon, every night, and every time life abroad makes you homesick.

With all my soul and one thousand cranes,

Yn

And for the first time, in a long time, Iwazumi Hajime feels a strange sensation; a hand of his covers his eyes as his heart shatters again after replaying the entire conversation he just had with you. He rereads it over and over again just to catch an inkling of how broken he truly did leave you; loving him was like falling into the eye of a hurricane. You must have wrote this right before he left, when he still was sleeping next to you, and you sounded so desperate here, but proud of him. Why did he ever think letting you suffer was going to be good for either of you?

In the Oikawa household, you arrive back with heavy footsteps. Your shoes are slipped off and placed by the genkan. Everyone is asleep you presume while you notice Oikawa rising to greet you from the foyer part of his family’s house. You bury your face in his chest as he with a gentle hand holds you there. Your tears you haven’t shed in a long time cascade down your cheeks. Oikawa whispers a mantra of soothing words: “You’re here now, shh…It’s alright now, I got you princess.”

You grip the back of his shirt letting a sob or two escape, the ring which brought you so much happiness stays steady on your finger. You hear a soft chortle from the man holding you when you mention how much you wanted to punch one Iwazumi Hajime,

“As entertaining as that is,” Oikawa prompts you tilt your face up to wipe the remaining tears away with the brush of his hands. “I’d like my future wifey to wait until after we’re happily wed so I can record that moment.”

Kissing your brow and calling you little lion cub, Oikawa proves how easy it was to love again. Of course, when the tears subside and you’re sitting on the couch, curled into him, you begin to doze off hearing Oikawa’s words lull you to sleep.

“I have loved you in secret, I have loved you like I loved the stars, and in all my earthly possessions, I would rather give them away if it meant I stay by you until the world burns at your feet.”

You nudge into him, saying that was poetic enough to make you want to kiss him. Oikawa leans down to peck at your nose, then gingerly trace your lips with his own before feeling yours go slack laced with much deserved sleep. Eventually, he too follows you into slumberland, knowing how both of you could get used to this and you both do once you return to Argentina with matching white gold jewelry a year later.

[hongism]

as you wish - jaehyun smut

pairing: jaehyun x female reader

genre: ceo!jaehyun, assistant!reader, smut, absolute filth guys

word count: 3544

warnings: daddy kink, semi-public smut, choking, thigh riding, facefucking, deepthroating, throat bulging, oral sex: male receiving, oral: female receiving, sir kink, size kink, unprotecc sex, cum eating, cum swallowing, creampie, fingering, filth, absolute filth, fucking filth y'all, corruption kink, overuse of baby girl and princess, possessive!jaehyun, hair pulling, multiple orgasms, dirty talk, dom!jaehyun, sub!reader, teasing, breast play, nipple play, pussy slapping, overstimulation, praise, basically both have a pain kink, reader cries bc jaehyun's big dick is that good, this is not a proper boss assistant relationship like y'all no, but do i care? fuck that no I don't, yes this is kick it jaehyun, no don't come for me jfc this warning list is LONG

summary: maybe you and your boss don't have the most professional relationship, but he's so good at fucking you that you don't think twice about it.

a/n: ...don't ask. this is gratuitous smut and absolute filth and I have zero shame, so don't ask pls this is for @parksfilter​ @franklytae​ and myself. also thank you dearest fram for this sexy ass banner :3

…

...

“Sir? Your 4 o’clock appointment came by early.” You step into the dimly lit office to find your boss sitting behind his desk, as usual, eyes glued to his computer even as you speak. “Mr. Jung,” you speak a bit louder in hopes of catching his attention. Sure enough the man glances up at you, dark eyes finding yours as he looks at you over the rim of his glasses.

“Yes, Miss L/N?”

“Your 4 o’clock.”

“It’s 3:36, Miss L/N. Not 4 o’clock. You’re early. As is my client.”

“Well sir, Mr. Kim asked me to remind you that you were rather late to the last meeting.” You grin at your boss, teeth shining through the smile. His lips quirk into a small smile. “So, Jaehyun, who’s fault was that?”

“Yours actually, Y/N. Someone was taking her sweet time… taking care of business. Go tell Mr. Kim that I will see him at 4 o’clock and no sooner.” Jaehyun pushes his chair back from the desk, eyes still not leaving yours, and steps around the side of the wood. His fingers run along the surface. He barely traces it, a delicate touch that makes you think of less than holy things. “I meant now, Miss L/N. I only have 21 minutes to conduct certain business with you.”

“Of course, Mr. Jung. I’ll be back shortly.” You turn on your heel, spinning to face the door, and step out with haste. Jaehyun’s eyes follow you as you go, you can feel the heat of his gaze on your backside. The door clicks shut behind you though and blocks the feel of his eyes for the time being. “Mr. Kim!” You greet with a wide grin. Said man’s eyes flit up to yours as you smile down at the place where he awaits you.

“Is Jaehyun ready for me?”

“No, actually. He asked that we wait until 4 o’clock precisely. He has a bit of paperwork that needs to be concluded before your meeting if that’s alright?”

“I thought you were supposed to mention his previous–”

“I did, but as you know, I answer to my boss’s orders only. I’ll come back to bring you in at 4 o’clock, Mr. Kim.”

“Ah, I see, Miss. As you wish.” The man sitting before you nods his head once at you.

“Actually sir, it’s as Mr. Jung wishes, but I’ll pass on the message.”

Your heels click against the hard floor as you walk away from the businessman. A smile still plays at your lips because you know what’s waiting for you behind your boss’ door. You don’t bother knocking before stepping back into his office. One hand trails over the dark wood, slipping over the lock and twisting it to the right, then you turn to face Jaehyun.

“Miss L/N, what did my client say?” He asks from his place in front of his desk. The suit fits him too well, and you see that now that he’s standing before you in full glory like this.

“As you wish, Mr. Jung.” You walk towards the man, hand on your collar, and pop the top three buttons of your blouse open.

“Hmm, I quite like the sound of that, Miss L/N.” He reaches out to snatch you by the waist. “Wearing a red number under a white shirt is a bit risky, don’t you think?”

“Do you think so? Maybe you’ll have to punish me for it then… sir.” Jaehyun’s hand trails up from your waist, delicate touch brushing the valley between your breasts. Goosebumps rise across your skin as he touches you. He hums at the sight, lips quirking into a small smirk at the same time, then glances up to your face before speaking again.

“Something tells me you’d like to be punished though, princess.” You roll your eyes at the comment. Stopping your gaze on the wall over to your right, you check the clock.

“19 minutes, Jaehyun.”

“Careful with that mouth, princess, or I’ll just go ahead and cancel the meeting altogether.” Jaehyun leans forward to press his warm lips against the column of your neck.

“You wouldn’t,” you whisper before letting your head fall back under Jaehyun’s ministrations. He chuckles against your skin. It sends ripples of pleasure through you, and you are forced to bite back the moan threatening to climb out of your mouth.

“As you wish,” he mutters back before leaning away from you. Twisting, you try to pull away from the man, but he locks you in place with his thighs, squeezing you between them before you can step back. He turns to his phone and taps away at some buttons while keeping one hand firmly on your waist. “Mr. Kim! Yes, yes, it’s Jaehyun. I hate to do this so last minute, but we had some paperwork complications come up just now. Would we be able to push the meeting to 5 o’clock? Yes? Wonderful. Again, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” The call ends a moment later, and Jaehyun returns to smirking at you.

“I cannot believe you,” you hiss out. Your boss merely laughs. One hand slips between your legs to push them apart. The tight material of your skirt stops him from continuing the motion. You have to smile at the almost annoyed gleam that crosses Jaehyun’s eyes as he realizes the obstruction; however, it doesn’t last long because he pushes the material up over your thighs and ass for better access. You sink down onto Jaehyun’s thick muscled thigh before you know it.

“I have a lot of paperwork to attend to since my assistant got snippy.” Jaehyun’s teeth drag across his lower lip. He rocks his thigh upward. Pressure hits your clit, bringing a sharp wave of pleasure over you, and you grab him by the shoulders to stabilize yourself. “Fuck yourself against my thigh, baby girl. I wanna see my good little girl get off on Daddy’s thigh.”

“F-Fuck–” you gasp as Jaehyun rocks against you, not giving you a chance to speak or breathe before he yanks you closer by the collar.

“That’s an order, baby girl.”

“Yes–yes sir.” You slowly drag your body forward, letting the feel of his muscled leg against your core wash over you. Jaehyun’s fingers work at the rest of the buttons on your blouse. He works them open deftly before reaching around your back to pop the clasp of your bra. You do him the favor of yanking both your blouse and bra off. They’re thrown somewhere behind you, but you don’t have time to glance back and check because Jaehyun’s lips are latching around one of your nipples without warning. You instinctively buck against him. “Fu-uck.” A small whine leaves your lips as Jaehyun’s tongue swirls around your sensitive bud. He gives a sharp suck to it. You watch the skin rise up under his lips, teeth sinking into your lower lip. His other hand finds its way to your other breast and massaging it with his large hand. He pulls off with a cocky grin to his lips.

“You sound so innocent and needy. No matter how many times I corrupt you, you still act all innocent.” Another whine slips out, Jaehyun’s long fingers toying with your nipples as he speaks. “Listen to yourself. I want to ruin you. Turn you into my own little slut.” Jaehyun pushes up, bringing you with him, and you yet again have to brace yourself on his shoulders.

“You haven’t ruined me yet, sir.” Lifting a hand to Jaehyun’s face, you trace his sharp jawline with your index finger. The light touch coaxes goosebumps out of his skin, ones that rise to meet your finger as you move along his features. “But I would quite like it if you did.” Your words come out like a purr. They have a visceral effect on Jaehyun, his whole body lurching forward and pushing your back to the edge of his desk roughly. The sensation sends ripples of pain through your body only for a moment before it passes and leaves you quivering in excitement underneath him.

“Turn around. Now.”

You don’t wait to be told twice and spin as quickly as you’re able to given Jaehyun’s close proximity to you. A hand comes down against your ass. The skin ripples under Jaehyun’s touch. Even with your underwear, you’re certain that his touch will leave a nice handprint across your skin. Besides the underwear doesn’t last long. Jaehyun yanks it down with one hand, the other finds your bare back and pushes you until your face presses against his desk. Something is digging into your stomach – probably his stapler or something of the like – and you try your best to wiggle it out of the way. Jaehyun must think you’re attempting to misbehave though because his hand comes down against your ass again. The sting is sharper this time now that you aren’t wearing any underwear, but you revel in it nonetheless.

“Da-addy, something’s hurting my side,” you call out to the man behind you.

“Oh? I should’ve cleaned the desk off beforehand. My apologies, baby girl.” The hand on your back snakes it’s way up to your head, latching onto your hair and yanking your body back. A wanton moan escapes at the sharp tug. Jaehyun ignores your whining in favor of sweeping his belongings to the side, leaving an open space for you to fall back against when he releases your hair. “I’ll make it up to you, princess, don’t worry.”

“I never do,” you giggle back. You can see his form out the corner of your eye. He must know that you can as well because he’s making a show out of taking his jacket off and rolling his sleeves up his forearms. You have to bite your lip to keep a moan from slipping out. Then, Jaehyun dips out of sight.

Cold fingers brush your slick folds, toying with the wetness pooled at your core. You gasp and lurch further forward on his desk, blindly grasping for some sort of support as he pushes two digits in without warning. The stretch is sudden and a bit uncomfortable at first, but soon he’s working you open like it’s common practice. The pads of his fingers toy around your sweet spot, teasing and prodding but never fully touching it, and you buck your hips back against his fingers in attempts to get him to hit that spot. It almost works, but Jaehyun crooks his fingers inside you at the same time. The suddenness of the action catches you off-guard. It also brings you to your first orgasm, walls clenching around his thick fingers, pulsing and tightening on him as you ride out your orgasm.

“Naughty naughty, little girl.” His tongue clicks against the roof of his mouth. “Roll over, face up.” Your mind is a bit muddled and fuzzy already. Jaehyun smacks the flat of his hand against your wet pussy, and it brings a jolt through you, an encouragement to get moving and roll over faster. Apparently, it’s still not fast enough for Jaehyun because he yanks you forward by the legs until your cunt is right in front of his lips. You nearly clench your thighs around his head just at the sight of him between your legs like that, but you resist the temptation in favor of throwing your head back in pleasure. He drags the flat of his tongue against your sopping folds. It’s slow at first, almost teasing in the way he laps at your heat, but he seems to realize that the two of you are still on a time crunch. Next thing you know, his tongue is prodding at your entrance. He builds up a quick rhythm, no longer wasting time in fucking his tongue in and out of you, and you reach down to grab hold of his hair. Fingers intertwine with his dark locks, and he groans against your pussy. The vibrations go straight to your clit, sending waves of pleasure through you. It’s enough to send another orgasm through your body, and it’s like little jolts of electricity shoot through you, making you see stars.

“O-Oh fu-fuck Jaehyun, fuck fuck. Fuck, Jaehyun, ju-ust like that, please. Yes, yes, yes,” you ramble, already halfway to losing yourself in the pleasure despite barely getting started. Jaehyun chuckles against you, sucking at your sensitive clit as he pulls off you.

“It seems that someone forgot what my title is.” A hand slaps your cunt. The sound that resonates is a wet and disgusting one, one that has you writhing under Jaehyun’s touch and has him slapping your pussy again when you fail to respond. “Get it right, slut. You have two options. Say them both.”

“S-Sir!” You cry out when his palm hits your clit again. “Sir an-and Daddy.”

“Good girl.” Jaehyun coos and rewards you with a small kiss pressed to your clit. “Up. I wanna fuck your pretty little mouth.” You prop yourself up on your elbows, chest heaving as you look up at Jaehyun, who’s getting to his feet himself. The sight distracts you a moment. His hair is ruffled and unkempt thanks to your touch, tie off-kilter and loose, lips and chin glistening with your juices, and it’s such a breathtaking sight that you lose your train of thought. “I said up.” Jaehyun pulls you back to reality by tugging your body forward, fingers clenched around your hips and pulling you off the desk. You nearly fall face first into his crotch, nose actually bumping the bulge in his trousers. He’s nearly bursting out of his pants. You grin at the thought of the large present hiding behind the material and resituate yourself so that you’re more comfortable on your knees before him.

“Yes sir,” you murmur as your fingers work his buttons and zipper apart. One sharp tug to the band of his pants and underwear is enough to spring his cock loose. He’s quite blessed, to be frank – thick and long, such that you have to use two hands to cover his whole length.

“Don’t just stare at me, baby girl.‌ Get to work.” You do as told, moistening your lips, then take the head of his cock into your mouth. He hisses at the contact. Your eyes snap up to his face as he makes the sound and gauge his reaction. He looks pleased already, tongue toying with the corner of his mouth while watching you bop your head up and down along his member. You hum around him. “F-Fuck, baby girl, let me fuck your mouth. Let me fuck it, shit.” His hand works its way into your hair and tightens around it. He lets you pull off to catch your breath once, a thin line of saliva connecting your lips and his shaft, then he pushes it back into your mouth. It fills you up before you’re even halfway down his member.‌ He keeps pushing and pushing though, and you thank your lucky stars for the lack of a gag reflex because you feel his cock press its way into your throat.

Jaehyun hisses above you. You can’t look up at him, too focused on his member, but he keeps groaning and hissing so much that you have to glance up at his expression. His eyes aren’t locked on your mouth or his cock, rather he’s looking past both things. The hand in your hair shifts, a light touch tracing down your skin until it reaches your throat.

“Fuck, you’re so tiny that my big cock bulges in your little throat. That’s the hottest shit I’ve ever seen, baby girl. Look at you.” Jaehyun’s hand slips back up to your hair and latches on. He braces himself on it, thrusting slowly in and out of your mouth. He presses into your throat with each thrust. The corners of your eyes are moist with tears, and they’ll begin to fall before he cums, but you try to focus on breathing around his fat cock rather than the tears. “You take my dick so well, princess. You’re doing so well, fu-uck. Such a good little slut for Daddy, aren’t you?” You can neither nod nor hum in approval around him, his cock filling you up too much to do either. Jaehyun doesn’t seem to expect an answer though. He keeps fucking your mouth, pace speeding up more and more as time goes on, and breathing is becoming more and more of a struggle. Still, he’s close and hot cum spills down your throat a moment later, nearly choking you from the sheer quantity of it and the lack of air in your lungs. Bringing a hand up to his hip, you drum your fingers against his bare skin three times, a small signal that you need him to pause for you. He pulls out immediately. “Are you alright, love?” He asks as you gasp for breath. The hand in your hair reaches around to cup your chin, lifting your face to his. Jaehyun stoops down to be eye to eye with you. “Color?”

“G-Green,” you gasp out. A small smile spreads across your lips as you see the relief in Jaehyun’s eyes. He must still be concerned though because your tears are already falling. “Fuck me, sir. Fuck me please?”

“Absolutely, baby girl. How do you want me?”

“Fuck me from behind. Bend me over your desk?” You plead as Jaehyun drags his fingers over your tear stricken cheeks.

“Ask nicely first, baby girl.”

“Daddy please bend me over your desk and fu-uck me like the little slut I am,” you beg, writhing under him.

“There we go, slut.” Jaehyun pulls you up by the arms and drags you over to his desk. You whine as he roughly pushes you up against it, letting him manhandle you into the position he wants you in, and there’s a sick sort of pleasure in letting him move you around like you’re his toy. Your face meets the cold wood of his desk again, cheek pressed to the surface so that you can look back and see what Jaehyun is doing behind you. His member is already hardening again, thanks to some help from his messy jerks, and within a few moments, he’s pressing the head against your wet hole.

He starts with a slow push. Despite his preparations, your cunt is still extremely tight around him. He takes extra care in thrusting slowly into you until he’s buried all the way in you. You whine at the sensation of being completely filled up by Jaehyun, coupled with your sensitive state from already orgasming twice. He goes slow at first; shallow and dragged out thrusts until you both get used to the sensation. Then, his speed picks up, thick member dragging across your slick velvety walls. Moans tumble from your lips without ceasing. You can’t bother being quiet as the sensation of Jaehyun’s cock in your tight pussy is too good for you to think straight. He groans as your walls tighten around him, clenching in rhythm with his quick thrusts.

“Fuck, you’re so tight, baby girl. No mat–no matter how many times I fuck you, you’re always so tight. Is my cock the only one you take? Are you my dirty little slut?”

“Yes, yes, Daddy, yes. I am sir, I’m yours. Only yours. Fuuuck I’m all yours.” Jaehyun’s thrusts speed up as you speak those words.

“That’s right, baby girl. All mine.” He’s already starting to falter with the rhythm of his thrusts, and with the way his cock is curving against your g spot, you know that you’re going to hit another high any second now. “Cum for me, baby girl. Cum around Daddy’s cock, yea?” You release a whine. Jaehyun gives a particularly harsh thrust, and it’s enough to send you over the brink and into another wave of orgasming. Your sight all but goes white from the sensation, stars in the corners of your vision. Jaehyun follows close behind.‌ Your walls tightening and pulsating around his member brings him to another orgasm himself. Hot seed pushes into you, filling you up, and you moan at the warmth in you. Jaehyun pants above you. Sweat on his brow, white shirt clinging to his body and showing the tan skin underneath, he cages you in with his arms.

“Damn,” you exhale as the orgasm passes.

“Damn is right.” Jaehyun pulls his softening member out of you. The absence of his cock immediately makes you feel cold, especially as you feel his cum sliding out of your pussy as well. “You did so well, baby girl. So so well.”

“Thank you, sir,” you mumble, too spent to say anything else.

“Now I hate to break it to you, but there’s a 5 o’clock appointment I need you to go fetch for me.”

“Oh fuck off!”‌ You call out, huffing as Jaehyun’s hands run over the curve of your ass. He chuckles to himself. “You can go get him yourself and explain why you’re late.”

“That’s for my assistant to do.”

“Your assistant seems to do a lot of things for you,” you counter.

“She’s quite good at her job, I must say. Now, let’s get you cleaned up and dressed properly again?”

“As you wish, Mr. Jung.”

...

a/n: ...i have no words tbh buuuuut i hope you guys do!!! please let me know what you think and share your feedback with me!

all these works are copyright 2020 calypso, jungtaeyoongles, all rights reserved.

[perriewinklenerdie]

History repeats itself  (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Open Heart, Ethan Ramsey x MC

A/N: Hi guys! I'm on a roll (it's that high that patients that are about to die experience right before they crash. Kinda fitting, giving the fact that I'm going to die tomorrow bc of OH, isn't it? :D), like back in the old, good days. This was a request made by a wonderfull Nonnie. Thank you so much for suggesting it! I hope you enjoy it and that I didn’t disappoint :D

This fic is part of the ESIMY series (Claire and Ethan met and got married before they started working together and that’s basically all you need to know, as the fic can be read as a separate work)

Tag list: @paleweasels, @kittykatchoices, @valiantlychaoticbarbarian, @radlovedreamer , @usuallyamazinglyaverage, @awhmilkywey @palestazure, @cordoniaqueensworld, @universallypizzataco, @princess-geek, @faithhasnowords, @mightyfangirlofthefandoms, @drakewalkerfantasy, @timmagicktoad, @laceandlula, @greywitchyshots, @llamasgrl, @gingerjane15, @bucket-harrington , @marywrites-things , @ethanplaysfavorites , @mfackenthal , @betelgeusebee , @simsvetements, @buzz-bee-buzz, @owleyes374, @cora-nova, @aworldoffandoms, @l822, @cream-ray, @ughhhxjazzy, @silverlitskies, @justendlesssummerfeels, @togetherwearerapture, @desmaranj, @edgiestwinter, @friedherringclodthing, @daisy-ashton, @waytooattuned, @choicesgremlin , @lapisreviewsstuff, @the-soot-sprite, @writerapprentice, @chasingrobbie, @choicesobsessedd, @x-kyne-x, @thisperfectmemory, @drakewalker04, @rookie-ramsey, @jlynn12273, @thepinknymph @dr-brianna-casey-valentine, @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @justanotherrookie @mvalentine @starrystarrytrouble 

  Enjoy! <3

-----------

Paging Dr. Ramsey to Dr. Banerji’s office.

He looked up from the article he was reading, expecting a message from his wife. They were supposed to go home soon, finishing her last day of work before she would go on maternal leave. The page didn’t read as urgent, and yet somehow, a shiver ran down his spine. He couldn’t explain it. Call it a hunch that made him abandon his work and rush through the halls of the hospital.

Naveen was waiting for him by the door, his expression gravely. The air in the room was so thick that Ethan, who was running, stopped abruptly in his tracks, feeling weight being slammed against his chest. He didn’t know what was happening yet, but it couldn’t have been anything good.

“Naveen?” he asked, walking closer, treading slowly and carefully, as though it would save him from the approaching heartbreak he could already feel. His friend sighed heavily, stepping towards to him and laying his hand on Ethan’s shoulder.

“You might want to sit down.”

“Tell me. I need to go pick Claire up from the locker room in five minutes.” He didn’t miss how his mentor’s face fell at the mention of her name, making his stomach drop in worry. “What happened?”

“Claire is being transferred to the OR as we speak.” He said, the next words being an almost exact echo of his own words years back. “She had a seizure, full eclampsia. We’re delivering the baby.”

------------

That day, from the very beginning, was a bust. Her head was pounding, slowly but surely rising and breaking through the threshold of her pain tolerance, causing her to reach out to her OB-GYN in search of any advice, along with some painkillers. Her vision was getting blurred around the sides from time to time, making it incredibly difficult to read charts or look her patients in the eye. Esme asked her about it, figuring out something was wrong when she misread the patient’s name while they were walking towards their room, but she dismissed her with a kind smile.

“That’s pregnancy for you.” she joked, seeing in her resident’s eyes that she didn’t believe her. Sighing heavily, she nodded. “Okay, it’s not typical. I- I would appreciate if you kept your eye on me today. I feel like something is about to go south and I’d like to avoid that.”

“Of course, I’ll watch you like a hawk.”

Light sensitivity came next. Supply closets were her biggest friends that day, providing with as much darkness as she wanted, blocking out any traces of light. She couldn’t barricade herself in there, no matter how much she’d want that, so she braced herself and pushed through.

She knew all those symptoms too well. She was, after all, treating her pre-eclampsia since it reared its ugly head three weeks ago. The moment she heard her diagnosis, she felt as though she has been struck by a lightning. It was the same diagnosis she gave Dolores not even three years ago.

Ethan wouldn’t survive it if this case ended the same way.

Claire was battling with herself. Should she tell him about it and let him worry about her every second of every day until she gave birth and the postpartum eclampsia was ruled out, or should she shoulder that weight on her own, treating it behind his back and praying that he’d never have to find out that the very same complication that took away his dear friend not that long ago, now threatened to take away his wife too.

She opted for something in between. There were symptoms that she couldn’t hide from him, about which they talked and she let him ask about them on their appointments. Dr. Weland, her OB-GYN, was aware of the whole situation, carefully formulating her answers for the first-time father.

It kept her up at night. She knew he would be scared, disappointed that she didn’t tell him, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. He’d lock them both up at home for the remainder of her pregnancy, with a private doctor at hand, and treat her with extra caution. But most of all, she didn’t want to see the panic in his eyes, which she knew she’d find there. He would stop sleeping, watching over her at every moment.

Dr. Weland expressed her concerns when she saw Claire that day, hence her asking Esme to keep an eye on her. It wouldn’t be wise to send her home; she would need help in case something went horribly wrong.

Three hours later, as though on cue, she felt pain in her stomach, right below her belly button. All the symptoms she’s been experiencing that day cumulated, striking her at once with double their force, bending her in half. Esme, who was just down the hall, called out her name, rushing towards her, just in time to catch her as she crashed towards the ground, her body shaking.

“She’s seizing! Page Dr. Banerji!” the resident shouted, taking care of the fallen doctor.

“What about Ramsey?” someone asked, pager in their hand.

“Do as I say!”

What happened next could only be described as a chain reaction, its magnitude that of an avalanche. Naveen was called, OR was ordered, Claire was moved onto the bed and wheeled away. The hardest was still ahead of them.

Ethan fell against the wall heavily, struggling to catch his breath. “What do you mean eclampsia? Did she have any symptoms before that? Did she know? Who found her?”

“Dr. Ortega. She probably has more answers for you than I do. Come on, we’ll talk to her and Dr. Weland.”

His every move felt as though there were two impossibly heavy bricks attached to his feet, and another three on his shoulders and his chest. Panic began rising in his chest, fighting the overwhelming urge to let the tears fall. Esme was waiting for them by the entrance to the OR, worry spelled on her face.

“Can someone tell me why my wife and my daughter are fighting for their lives in there?” he barked the question, shaking in emotional distress. Naveen placed his hand on his shoulder, asking him silently to let the doctors speak.

“She’s been not feeling well for the whole day. Asked me to keep an eye on her; she told me she felt like something was about to happen.” the youngest doctor explained, stepping away to make space for Dr. Weland.

“Claire was treating her pre-eclampsia for the past three and a half weeks. The symptoms you noticed and were asking about were all a part of it. She asked me to not tell you, hoping that she would be able to avoid developing eclampsia.”

Never before in his life had he looked up at someone so fast. “She knew? And she didn’t tell me?”

“Ethan, I know you’re angry but-“

“I’m not angry. Right now, I’m terrified, because my family is fighting for their lives and I’m here, instead of being by their side. Step aside, I’m scrubbing in.”

“No.” Naveen shook his head, pulling him aside firmly. “And you know why.”

“Move out of the way, Naveen, I’m going in there.”

“I’m going to lock you in my office if you don’t calm down. You won’t help anyone by being emotional and reckless. Breathe, son, they’re going to be alright.” Ethan’s breathing was treading on the line of hyperventilating, panic rising in his chest even more. At last, tears fell, two trails running down his cheeks. He fell into his friend’s embrace, sobbing like he hasn’t done in a very long time. Helplessness, anger at fate and at himself for not noticing it sooner. “Claire is a fighter, so are you, and so is your daughter. They’ll pull through.”

“The last time I had to give this diagnosis to a person I cared about was Dolores, and she was dead within ours. Don’t tell me to calm down.” He stumbled over his words, holding onto Naveen’s arms for dear life.

“This time will be different.”

---------------

Not even an hour passed before the surgery ended. It gave Ethan enough time to go over the last weeks, all the pieces falling together into one tragic picture. It was all there, right before his eyes. Edema on her hands and feet, which could be written off as a pregnancy symptom. Headaches plagued her quite often even before she was married, so he didn’t even bat an eye on it, maybe except for the intensity of them. Her nausea returned long after her morning sickness phase passed, but again, pregnancy manifested itself with a variety of things.

He blamed himself. After Dolores died, he thought he’d be able to see the symptoms and prevent it from getting worse, but when it mattered the most, with his own beloved wife, he failed to add two and two.

“Ethan, you can see them now. The baby is safe and healthy, Claire’s condition is under control, she’s stable and conscious.” Naveen called out for him, a small smile on his face spelled out relief.

Jumping to his feet, he ran towards them, catching the room number from a shouting Naveen, not waiting for anyone. Nurses and doctors moved out of his way, some of them knowing what happened, others having no idea but knowing better than to stand in Dr. Ramsey’s way.

The lights in the room were dimmed, curtains closed, providing privacy and peace. Ethan opened the door as quietly and gently as he could, his stare falling onto Claire immediately. She smiled at him lazily, watching his every move in anticipation. He strode towards her, sitting at the edge of the bed and taking her hand in his, rising it to his lips and kissing it, over and over again, saying silent prayers of gratitude. Tears started running down his cheeks again, wetting her skin, his shoulders shaking as he let out all the emotions.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, choking on her words, her face wet with tears too. He looked up at her, shaking his head.

“No. It’s my fault. I- I somehow attract tragedy. My Mother, Naveen, Dolores… and now you.” She looked at him confused, not understanding his reasoning at first, only seconds later did she remember his thought process, her eyes filling with horror.

“Ethan, that’s none of your fault. I won’t be sitting here, letting you blame yourself for something completely out of your control.” She grabbed him by the sides of his face, hauling him onto her, pressing their lips together and lingering there, connecting them, again and again. “Your Mother wasn’t your fault.” Kiss on the nose. “Naveen wasn’t your fault.” Kiss on the forehead. “Dolores wasn’t your fault.” She kissed both his cheeks, catching his tears.  “I wasn’t your fault, and neither was she.” She cried, her voice getting thick from tears. Her head crooked towards his left, pointing towards their daughter.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” his words stabbed her like a knife that she herself was holding against her heart. She knew he’d ask, but she wasn’t prepared for it, no matter how many times she rehearsed it in her head.

“I didn’t want you to worry.” She explained after a moment, biting her lip in shame. “I thought if I can get through this and not have any complications, you’d never have to find out. Especially with how it ended for Dolores…”

“There isn’t a single thing in this world more important to me than you two. Whatever it is, however hard it gets, I want to be there for you. For both of you.”

Both of them cried silently, embracing each other as closely as they dared, refusing to let the other get away even for a mere inch. Silent comfort, not needing any words, only each other, alive and well.

The soft sound of wailing pulled them out of their little bubble, pulling their attention towards the crib by the bed. Ethan stood up, walking over to look inside, Claire peaking from her position on her bed.

A little girl was staring up at him, her eyes blue and curious. She couldn’t smile yet, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t see how at peace she was. Perfectly fine.

His whole family was perfectly fine.

“Katherine…” he muttered, running the outer edge of his index finger along his daughter’s cheek softly.

“She looks like a Katherine to you?” Claire asked, humor in her voice. He nodded, turning to his wife. “I was thinking of Isabelle.”

“We can compromise.” He embraced her, kissing her head tenderly.

“Katherine Isabelle Ramsey. Perfect.”

[vikspage]

Hello, welcome to my first blog post!

Firstly, I want to say a huge thank you for everyone’s support and donations. I can’t put into words how amazed I am by all your support and what it means to me. There’s been a staggering amount raised so far in such a short space of time, I feel truly blessed and grateful.

My history in brief is I was diagnosed with breast cancer last October, underwent 2 operations and was told the surgeon had removed all the cancer as nothing was showing in my lymph nodes. No follow ups with scans, no follow up tests, even thou I begged all the doctors to check. 7 months later I started getting hip pain which was getting worse week by week. I was told the pain was either sciatica or an impact to a fall I had in September, although I had no bruising or fractures. The pain got so bad I couldn’t walk without a limp, I couldn’t drive, I had to take time off work and in the end I was using Austin, my 7 year old son, for support to help me walk. I begged the doctors to see me and push forward scans as the pain was excruciating but I was told I had to call the MRI centre and try and get an appointment sooner myself. I eventually saw a GP face to face and asked her if I could have crutches as I was using Austin as my walking aid and I couldn’t bare the pain. I was told they didn’t have any to give me and I could buy some from Amazon if I wanted some!! Gobsmacked by the lack of empathy and disregard for the urgency I went home and purchased some.

Eventually I had the scans which sadly showed multiple expansile lytic lesions in keeping with bone metastasis seen throughout the pelvic bones, the largest centred on the right iliac bone/sacroiliac joint where there is an extraosseous soft tissue component. In other words, stage 4 advanced cancer to my bones and soft tissue surrounding my pelvis.

I was absolutely devastated. I’d been left to suffer in pain for far too long, not enough speed for scans or tests had been done. Considering my history of a recent breast cancer diagnosis you just don’t expect to be left worrying.

I had seen my oncologist (I now have a new one) about 6 weeks ago because of the pain I was in and asked him if it could be related to my breast cancer. He said it was highly unlikely and thought it best I came off the tamoxifen (a HRT drug to block oestrogen receptors binding to cancer cells) for 6 weeks to see if there was improvement. I doubted his advice and went straight to my GP who actively wrote him a letter explaining her concern for the pain and it being related to my cancer, to which he responded saying “send her to the muscular skeletal team”. He couldn’t have been more wrong. I’ve been let down, once again, (I had problems throughout my BC diagnosis) by the team of people who were meant to keep me safe, trusting them with my life, quite literally, but they’ve failed miserably. The saddest part is I feel they’ve failed my children as their lives are now disrupted.

I’m now unable to put any weight on my right leg, I have to use a wheelchair to move anywhere as I’ve been told by my orthopaedic consultant there’s a risk I could fracture my bones. That can’t happen as I would then need emergency surgery which would of course put my body under more stress and inflammation which cancer loves! (Plus I’m now on chemotherapy treatment which is never a good combo with emergency surgery!) I’m having to have treatment every day for the rest of my life, inject myself with immune boosting drugs and have treatment to stop my ovaries working and shut down my oestrogen and then be cared for because I can’t even get dressed or get a glass of water without help. I can’t shower as I can’t stand and having a bath is difficult as I can’t raise my leg over the side. These are some adaptions I need to look at changing in my home so I can do these things without a risk of falling or hurting myself.

My oncologist has confirmed that the cancer is “incurable”. On Thursday I started a targeted chemotherapy drug called Palbociclib. I have to take this tablet every day for 3 weeks, have 1 week off, for the rest of my life, as long as it works. This drug is used to treat people with my type of breast cancer, hormone driven which has spread beyond the original tumour to other organs. Palbociclib can slow down the growth of cancer cells and delay the progression of it. This drug doesn’t cure or stop the cancer.

This is why my wonderful friend Elizabeth created a fundraising page for me. I need alternative therapies and life saving treatments that the NHS don’t provide. I’ve seen and read many reports and case studies snd spoken to specialists who are proving alternative treatments work. I have a lot to fight for and I won’t sit around and let my children see me just “make do” with one tablet and hope for the best of stabilising or slowing the disease. I am a tough person, it’s hard to knock me down and I don’t take things on without a challenge so I’m ready to fight this head on!

I’ll update you in blog posts on the treatments I’m going through, specialists I’m seeing and the results I’m seeing so you can see and know what your generous donations are doing to help me fight this battle, not only for me but for my dear children and family. I’m 36 and I intend on staying here with them for at least another 60 years! 💪🏽

Please keep sharing & keeping positive and healing thoughts 🙏🏽

V x

Any donations to my gofundme page would be hugely appreciated ~ thank you

https://gofund.me/2c36a539

[cosimuhs]

are u still taking fic reqs? u don’t have to write it if you don’t want to! but: older jamie when same sex marriage got legalized here — super happy, but also kinda sad bc she misses dani, and then she decides to changed her last name to clayton? idk sort of the only thing she can think to do to “marry her when she can” now

im always taking fic reqs (tbh clexa or damie)!! also fair warning i know literally nothing about how to legally change your name lol and governmental websites of vermont were not helpful so take this whole thing w a grain of salt lmao

Jamie hates the courthouse in Burlington. It’s dreary -- the little light that manages to creep through the dusty blinds hidden behind massive rows of filing cabinets -- and it’s always fucking freezing. 

It’s invariably a long line, and she hasn’t had to wait in it for years and this time lacks the excitement of the last, when her fingers shook with eager anticipation as she accepted their civil union papers. 

There aren’t even any plants.

The county clerk is younger than she expects, probably in his late thirties, and Jamie wonders if he is as miserable here as it seems, if the darkness creeps into the periphery of his vision until he’s shrouded in it. 

For a brief moment, it reminds her of her father. 

Jesus, if that isn’t the last thing she needs right now.

And, frankly, this whole thing is making her want to go home, to sit amongst her greenery and draw in deep lungfuls of oxygen until the sky is dark outside. By the time she makes it in front of the clerk, she's already convinced herself this is a bad idea again. 

It’s taken her three years to even make it to this counter.

Three years for the click of Dani’s last name to settle in her ears without shattering. Three years for her to bear the freefall into an embrace of something so Dani that it makes her want to stuff her head into a pillow and scream until there is nothing left. 

There are still moments where it forces her to retreat under the covers for long days at a time, but Dani’s scent is long gone from their apartment and she thinks maybe she can wrap herself in Dani’s warmth in other ways. 

“How can I help you today?” The man asks kindly, once she’s been standing there without noise for a long moment, and it has her blinking through the sharp ever present sting of loss. 

“I have an appointment with the judge to change my last name,” she gets out , presents the documents before she can turn on her heel and sprint to the nearest body of water. 

The clerk’s eyes twinkle as he spots the ring on her finger, wrapped tight around the manila envelope, thinks he has put two and two together.  

“Congratulations!” he grins, directing her into Courtroom Two. 

Jamie can only nod dumbly and her shoes squeak on the linoleum. 

She thinks she’s about to cry -- the great, heaving kind of sobs that wreck her throat and paint the room black. 

Just need to get through it, she thinks over and over until she’s breathing again. 

The judge is an older man with gentle eyes who calls her up with an even softer voice.

“Why do you want to change your last name?” 

It’s apparently a customary question and Judge Bernard nods at her encouragingly over the bench when she stumbles over her sentence for the third time.

“It is -- was -- my ... partner’s last name,” she says, firm and stronger than she feels by a mile, and the judge’s face falls a little at the past tense, shuffling through the mess of documents Jamie’s thrown together. 

“Everything is in order, and I think he --,” he pauses on one of the papers, scans it for a moment. It must be their civil union certificate, with Danielle Clayton looped surely next to her own name, and honestly, she didn’t even know if the document was needed, but she would have sooner burned down The Leafling than come back to this courthouse one more time. 

“I think she would be touched, Mrs. Clayton.”

He’s a sweet man, and she can tell that he means well, but he doesn’t know Dani. Doesn’t know if she would be pleased, doesn’t know what her favorite movie was, or how she took her whiskey. 

She would be, and Roman Holiday, and a shot, downed quick and burning, before she would kiss Jamie with a white-hot tongue. 

So she forces a smile, thanks him, and the surname fills her nostrils and her lungs until she’s choking on the way Dani laughed, full and joyous, the way her eyes darkened with surprised arousal, when Jamie called Dani her wife for the first time. 

Jamie Clayton. 

The name is a bruising punch she was expecting, one that she can feel purpling her ribs already, and it feels good. This devotion, icy-hot and trickling down her sternum, is overwhelming and it wakes her in a way little has since the last time she was at Bly.

She turns before the tears can fall and holds them all the way down the cobblestoned streets, all the way up the stairs into the quiet flat.

She keeps them until she’s sinking to her knees, fully clothed, in front of a full bathtub and then, she cries. 

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Can you do one with Jaeden x Evans!reader like you did with Seb x daughter where he finds out she’s active and like calls his mom for support/help bc he can’t believe she’s growing up

I’m doing this one as a headcanon! 

So your dad kind of knew that you and Jae were *ahem* active. It was pretty obvious. He had never had the explicit conversation about it, but he assumed. 

He left the two of you alone for the weekend because he had to go out to Los Angeles, and since you were both eighteen he figured why not. 

He regretted it as soon as he got on the plane. 

He kept checking in, telling you to be careful with the house and that kind of thing, a.k.a. not to do it on every single surface because he had to live there, too. 

Finally the weekend was over and he headed back home. The two of you were gone out to dinner and your door was left open, so he wasn’t snooping. Not really. But he saw a shiny box on your desk and cringed. 

Condoms. It was a box of condoms. And most of them were gone. 

He called his mom immediately, freaking out, because he’d literally called her when he lost his virignity. She would know what to do. 

“Chris, sweetie, they are eighteen,” your grandmother said. 

“I know that, I just... She’s my baby and he’s playing my baby and this whole situation is weird.”

“Well, are they taking care of things? Has she been to a doctor? Is she on birth control?”

“Birth control?” That told your grandmother that no, you were definitely not on birth control because you would need him to sign off on it. Your dad sighed. 

“You’d better have the conversation with them, then.”

“How, Mom? How the fuck am I supposed to talk to them about this?” 

“She’s your daughter. He’s kind of your son at this point. You should be able to have this conversation. I had to have it with both of your sisters. Thankfully I knew you were responsible.”

“Yeah, and I know they are, so I can’t be mad, I just...” 

“Chris, just buckle up. She’s growing up and you’re going to have to have the conversation with them. Sooner rather than later.” Your dad continued talking with your grandma for a few more minutes before hanging up, leaving your dad to deal with the fact that your car was coming in the driveway. 

He walked down the stairs and sat down on the couch, waiting. The two of you walked in and you squealed, rushing forward to hug your dad. 

“You’re back!” You said, hugging him tightly. That made him smile. You were always so excited to see him. 

“Is something wrong?” Jaeden asked as he took his coat off, putting it on the armchair. He sat down and you went to sit with him, sharing the chair together. 

“Not wrong,” your dad said, “but we do need to have a conversation.”

“Oh, God,” you realized. Jaeden looked at you and you shook your head, taking his hand. 

“It’s the talk.”

“Oh.” Jaeden’s face turned red. You both looked at your dad, who just sighed.

“I saw the condoms. And I’m not mad, you’re both adults, I’m just... You’re using them, right?”

“Of course, we’re not stupid,” you said in a somewhat accusatory way.

“I never said you were stupid,” he remarked. “I just wanted to say that if you guys are going to keep doing this, you need to take the steps to be prepared. That means you need to make an appointment, if you want birth control, that’s fine, if you don’t that’s fine, too. But just be safer.” You looked up at your dad, sighing, and looked over at Jaeden.

“We kind of, um, already took care of that,” Jaeden spilled for you. You had your head in his arm, embarrassed at the conversation. “Last month when you were gone, we took her to an appointment to make sure everything is okay. She’s not on anything, but...” You felt your face heat up.

“I’m getting an IUD next week so I don’t have to worry about anything,” you finished for him. You looked over at your dad, who was both shocked and relieved.

“Oh, thank God, I thought you were going to ask me to go with you.” The three of you laughed nervously. “That was so much easier than your grandma made it sound.” 

[raysofcrosby]

WHEN YOU’RE READY

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (𝘹)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): angry nolan, bad words and mentions of std’s

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4,901

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: so i’m not a huge health expert, so there’s a good 90% chance that the way the appointment in this goes, isn’t factual. so please don’t attack me lmao. tbh this idea came to me while i was cleaning out our garage??? like i think this is gonna be a multi-part imagine??? safe sex is important everybody!!!! even if you’re on bc, condoms are important so please be safe!!!! ok enough rambling, bye!

“Chlamydia! The stupid asshole has Chlamydia!” You screamed, pacing back and forth as you waved the piece of paper in front of your best friend, Nolan's face. “He has Chlamydia and he wasn’t even going to tell me!”

“Well, do uh...have you er—“ Nolan asked, the tips of his ears turning red as he scratched at his neck.

You stopped and stood directly in front of him, the piece of paper feeling like it was on fire as you held it in your hand. “What?”

“Have you...” His eyes shifted from the paper to you and then back to the paper. “You know...”

Now it was your turn to turn red from embarrassment as his eyes stayed glued to the piece of paper. You and Nolan have been best friends since you were kids, sharing all the awkward moments that growing up with an opposite-sex best friend had to offer. He was (unfortunately) there for your first period, your parents gave you joint sex talks after they walked in on the two of you sharing a quick, experimental kiss when you were 10 (which also marked the end of your joint sleepovers) you knew each other’s, body counts— there was nothing in this world that could make you feel embarrassed in front of him...or so you thought. Because him asking you whether or not you have an STD was brand new territory and you didn’t like it.

“No,” You stared back down at the piece of paper, looking for the date. “But the results say he came in Tuesday last week and we haven’t had sex—“

“Nope, stop right there.” He held up his hand and got up off of the couch, walking towards the kitchen and grabbing his keys off the counter. “I guess our parents duel birds and bees talk didn’t scare you as much as it did me, because if it did— you’d be more aware of STD’s and getting tested.”

“Oh trust me, I was scared the moment your mom brought out the fresh produce.” You replied, cringing at the memory of your parents teaching you about condoms. “But we haven’t had sex in—“

“Doesn’t matter Y/N! Who’s to say he hasn’t had....” He paused as the elevator doors closed behind you. He couldn’t even bring himself to say the word— and you were thankful for it. “What I’m trying to say is, guys are idiots. He could have had all the signs and ignored them and not realized something was wrong until too late and that’s why he got tested.”

When the elevator doors opened again, he walked ahead of you and you followed behind like a puppy. “What you need to be focused about, besides getting tested, is why the hell he’s had these results for almost two weeks and hasn’t told you.”

“Oh trust me, I’m giving him an ear full the next time I see his sneaky ass.” You mumble, getting into Nolan’s car and putting on your seatbelt.

He didn’t say another word as he left the parking garage to his apartment building and began driving down the road. You were equally as calm as you were embarrassed right now, and you had Nolan to thank for it. He’s been your rock since you were kids, even taking you under his wing the moment that you decided to move to Philly last year, for a job opportunity that you couldn’t refuse and one that your parents didn’t understand. He and his teammate, Travis let you stay with them rent free until you could save up some money and find a place. But instead of finding a place, you found Preston.

Nolan was supportive of course, but his unease about just how soon you and Preston moved in together was not something he ever shied away from. The two of you even got into a huge argument about it the night before you moved in with Preston. The worst argument you’ve ever had, one that had you thinking that you’d probably never talk to one another again. But the next morning, Nolan had an edible arrangement sent to your desk with an apology and everything’s been well ever since. He’s always been supportive of you, no matter what you’ve done— and now is no different.

“Um Nol, this isn’t the way to my doctor's office.”

“That’s because we’re not going to a doctors office. You need results quicker than what a doctor’s office an offer. Not three days, not next week, now.” He pulled off the road and into the parking lot of a small clinic. “So, you’re doing a walk-in and getting your results the same day.”

“Do I even want to know how you know where a walk-in clinic is?” You asked, your eyebrows raised. It was hard to imagine that he’d ever had to come here for testing— oh God, what if he’s come here for another reason?

Nolan laughed, shaking his head as he opened his car door. “Never for me. Travis has made a visit or two after some...interesting encounters.”

You let out the breath you hadn’t even known you’d been holding and got out of the car. “I was about to say, I’m way too young to be a Godmother, Nolan.”

He mumbled something before getting out of the car. It was low, but it sounded like he said “you don’t have to worry about that,” but then again, this mumbling was a lot lower than his normal incoherent mumbling. So you probably misheard him. You shook it off and got out of the car, following Nolan into the small clinic. You didn't know what you were expecting. Any time you've ever gotten blood work or any kind of medical test done– it was at your own doctor's office.

There were four other people sitting in the waiting room, and you couldn't help but wonder what they were here for. Or if just by simply looking at you, they knew that your scumbag of a boyfriend had possibly given you chlamydia. "Here."

You shook yourself out of your thoughts to find Nolan shoving a clipboard into your chest. "What is this?"

"You were off in Y/N-land, so I got your paperwork. Just fill it out and then hand it off. She said a doctor should be with you shortly." He walked towards two chairs in the corner and sat down, patting the one next to him.

Your legs felt like jello as you followed suit and sat down. Picking up the pen that was connected to the clipboard, your eyes skimmed the paper. It was asking for basic facts like your name, age, insurance provider, and what you were there for– nothing too intimate. Though you knew the nurse or doctor you'd be cared by, would ask them as soon as you walked through that door. You slowly filled out the information before walking back up to the women, giving her a smile as she took the clipboard from you. "Just have a seat and we'll have someone with you in just a moment."

You nodded, turning back and immediately bumping into a little boy, no older than four. "Sorry." He giggled, running past you and over to a woman sitting by the small play area. No sooner than he bumped into her legs, she looked up and gave you a smile before returning back to filling out her paper.

A chill went down your spine as you walked back to Nolan and you could feel your palms begin to sweat. What if Preston had given you Chlamydia? What's the treatment? What if you had something worse? What were you going to tell your parents? Would you tell your parents? Surely Nolan wouldn't rat you out. Oh God, Nolan. He's as recognizable as a mall Santa. There's no way word won't get out that the Nolan Patrick, a Center for the Philadelphia Flyers, was sitting in a walk-in clinic with a nervous looking girl.

You could see the headlines now. 'Has Nolan Patrick knocked up a girl?' 'Tis the season for hockey– and a baby?!' You couldn't even begin to think about the mean tweets and comments on Instagram without feeling the least bit nauseous.

"Hey, you okay?" Nolan whispered, leaning over to you.

Whether it was his voice or the sudden realization of your situation, you got chills down your back and up your arms. "You should leave. I don't want you to get ostracized or something for being seen at a clinic with me."

In true Nolan fashion, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not letting you do this alone."

The door separating the waiting room from the rest of the clinic opened and a middle-aged woman in scrubs stood there with a clipboard in her hand. "Y/N L/N?" It freaked you out the moment her eyes landed directly on you without looking anywhere else in the room.

"Come on, let's go," Nolan said, wrapping his hand around yours and standing up, almost dragging you with him to the back room.

He hadn't let go of your hand the entire walk down the hallway and into a private room, only letting go when the Nurse told you to sit up on the exam table. And even then, he scooted the free chair closer to it in case of any emergent hand holding. "So Miss L/N, you wrote down that you're here for a Chlamydia test, is that correct?"

"Y-Yes ma'am." You replied, playing with your hands as your eyes darted around the room taking in all of the informational posters.

Like a well-oiled machine, she took your blood pressure and temperature, marking them down onto a piece of paper before looking at you again. "Are you having any symptoms?"

You opened your mouth to speak and your throat felt a little dry. You took a small breath and exhaled. "My boyfriend got tested last week and he uh....he has it. So I thought that I'd get tested..."

Her eyes immediately looked at Nolan with raised eyebrows. "Did you just do a Chlamydia test or a full STD screening?"

After her question went unanswered, Nolan looked away from a poster on the wall to see her staring at him. His cheeks immediately went red as his eyes widened. "Oh no. No, no I'm not–" he cleared his throat, giving you an embarrassed look. "I'm not her boyfriend."

"He's my emotional support best friend," You smiled, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "He actually drove me here."

The nurse gave you a smile before turning back to Nolan. "Will you be getting any testing done today, young man? Or just her?"

"Just her."

She nodded and turned back to you with the clipboard in her hands. "Do you want him in the room when I ask these questions? They get a little personal."

"That's okay, I'll just go ahead and excuse my–"

"No!" You held onto his hand tighter, giving him a pleading look. "He stays. Otherwise, I think I might faint."

Nolan squeezed your hand back and leaned into his chair as the Nurse nodded her head. "Okay, so these are just some basic questions. There's no need to be nervous or scared, I'm here to help you figure everything out, okay?"

You gulped and nodded, feeling the nerves surge through your body. "O-Okay."

"Have you or your boyfriend ever had an STD before?"

"I haven't, no," You shook your head, burrowing your eyebrows as you thought about Preston and his sexual history...which you realized you hadn't really known much about. "I don't know about him, though."

"That's okay, no worries." She smiled, scribbling down. "How many people have you had sex with?"

"4, including my boyfriend and he's the only person I've been having sex with for the last 9 months."

"The kind of sex you've had?"

You felt your body begin to heat up at her question. She really wasn't kidding about how personal they got. You were starting to question whether or not you should have had Nolan leave the room. You glanced over at him to see that he was looking at everything except for you, probably trying to make himself seem invisible...but the flush of his cheeks shows that he too was feeling a little embarrassed.

"Um...everything?" You squeaked, feeling your heart hammer at the fact that your best friend now knew that you were no longer untouched in the backdoor apartment. Something that you two never really dwelled on the topic at all, but he still knew that you weren't the biggest fan. Your eyes went back to Nolan and his head was now ducked and staring at the floor.

"So, Vaginal, Oral, Anal–"

"Yes, yes, next question please." 

God, if you're listening...please swallow me up right now.

"How often do you use protection? And is there anything else you do that could increase your chances of getting an STD?" How she was able to keep a stone cold face as she asked these questions, you had no clue. Because between both you and Nolan, you'd think that the two of you were tomatoes.

"Um...maybe like, 50% of the time, I guess? I've got the implant in my arm, but he switches on and off with condoms. And no, nothing that comes to mind."

She scribbled down the information onto the paper and gave you a reassuring smile before placing the clipboard down onto the counter and opening some cabinets. "Now, I know you came here just for the Chlamydia test, but is there any other testing you'd like to get done? Pregnancy? A full STD screening?"

"Um, sure? I guess."

She wrote some more stuff down on the clipboard before walking over towards the door. "Give me a minute and I'll be right back with the doctor, okay?"

She walked out of the room and it was as if she took all of the air with her. The tension between you and Nolan was so heavy, it was suffocating. "So, babies..."

"WHAT?"

He stood up and walked across the room, pointing to an anatomical poster of a baby in the womb. "There's a lot of babies in this room."

You could tell that he was trying his best to relieve the tension, but he was ultimately failing.  "Sorry, you had to sit through that. If I would have known the kind of questions..."

He shrugged his shoulders and stuffed his hands into his hoodie pockets. "S'okay. It was uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck and you could tell he was trying to fight his body from letting his cheeks redden even more. "Educational?"

You burst into laughter as the tears you'd been holding back released themselves. Out of all of the things, Nolan calling the fact that he learned you'd done anal...educational. "I love you," you sniffled, wiping your cheeks as he came and sat down next to you again. "What am I going to do? What if I have it? What if I'm pregnant? What if–"

He covered your mouth and while he had a smile on his face, the calmness in his eyes spoke to you the most. "What you're not going to do is give yourself a panic attack, okay?"

You nodded and he dropped his hand, reaching down and holding yours. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

He looked around the room, his eyes settling on a stack of pamphlets on the counter. He got back up and looked through them, coming back with what looked to be like one from every pile. "We read up on it. So if your results do come back positive, you have the right information and treatment so you won't send yourself into a panic attack."

He sat down and placed the pamphlets down next to him, taking both of your hands in his as you sniffled again. "I'm right here Y/N and I'm not leaving, okay? Whatever happens, you'll have me right here by your side."

He reached up and wiped your cheek, giving you a smile as you nodded. The door opened and the nurse from earlier came back in with the doctor by her side. "Hi Y/N, I'm Dr. Pippen," He smiled, extending his hand to you before turning to Nolan. "And this must be the emotional support best friend."

"Nolan, sir," Nolan replied, shaking his hand.

"Nice game Friday and an even better win," He replied, turning back to look at the paper the Nurse had written on. "So, what we're going to do is a basic STD screening and then a pregnancy test. Have you ever had any of those before?"

"No sir, never."

"Alright, so Chlamydia and Gonorrhea tests can be done through urine samples, so we'll have you pee in a cup and that's how we'll do your pregnancy test as well. Those results you'll be able to receive tomorrow." He flipped the paper over as the nurse prepared the sterile cup and pulled out packaged needles and labeled tubes. "Now, for the rest, we'll be taking small blood samples and those can take another day or two depending on how backed up the lab is."

"What are the rest you're screening for, sir?" Nolan asked, interacting during your appointment for the first time.

"HIV, Syphilis, and Hepatitis B." He looked up from the clipboard and gave you a reassuring smile. "Based on your answers, it's a slim chance that you could have any of those, but it's never a bad thing to be safe, okay?"

You just nodded and looked at Nolan as you heard the Nurse start to prepare to take some blood samples. "Hey, how are we ever supposed to get matching tattoos if you're freaking out over some tiny needles," Nolan whispered, the glint in his eye telling you not to worry.

"Go ahead and clench your fist for me, honey," the nurse said as you felt her tie the rubber band on your arm. "Perfect, now you'll just feel a pinch."

"Do I still get artistic control of our said, matching tattoos?"

"As long as you don't make it frilly and girly, of course." He said, but you knew he was lying based on the fact that he had three flowers on the inside of his bicep– one of his mom and the other two for his sisters.

"I'm going to pick the frilliest and girliest tattoo ever then."

"Okay, now we just need your urine sample and then you're done." The nurse said, turning back and placing the two tubes of blood into a plastic bag. She turned back to you and handed you another plastic bag with your information on it and a plastic, clear cup. "The bathroom is just right across the hall."

You took the materials out of her hand and were amazed at how solid your legs felt for the first time since finding (bf) paper results. Opening the door, you turned back one last time and looked at Nolan who gave you a small smile and a thumbs up. You turned back and left the room, letting the heavy door close behind you before walking into the bathroom.

You've peed in a cup before, sure. To get your job you had to take a drug test and that wasn't nerve wracking. But this, this was a test that would show whether or not you had two sexual diseases or if you were going to be a mother in 9 months time. Undressing from the waist down, you hovered over the toilet and closed your eyes, trying to relax your hand holding the cup from shaking. Unless you wanted to chug a few bottles of water, this was your only chance to get the test done and leave the clinic.

When you were done, you closed the cup and put it in the bag sealing it. As you washed your hands, you looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were puffy from your short stint at crying, your hair a little bit of a wreck– but otherwise, you looked the same. You didn't look how you had been feeling the last few hours– different, changed... as nothing would ever be the same after finding out that your boyfriend could have potentially given you an STD.

Walking out of the bathroom and back into the private room, you put the cup in a small tub on the counter and the nurse smiled at you. "I'll go ahead and print you off a copy of your test order and then you're free to go, I'll take you back out front."

You followed her down the hall and through the door, back into the waiting room again, Nolan still by your side. We stood at the front, waiting for her to hand you the printout. When she did, You gave her a thankful smile. "We'll call you with the results, have a nice night."

Walking out of the clinic, you'd expected for the sun to be completely set and the nightlife of Philly to be alive. Yet the sun was only beginning to set and traffic was at ease. It was strange because being in that clinic...it felt like you were in there for hours. Where when you looked at the time, it had really only been 45 minutes. You and Nolan had kept quiet as you got into his car and began to pull out of the parking lot. Coming to a stop, he placed his hand on top of yours and looked at you. "What do you want to do?"

What you wanted to do was drive out to an abandoned lot, get out of the car and just scream– to let out your frustrations. And even though you knew Nolan would support it full heartedly, maybe going to an abandoned lot at this time of day wasn't the best idea. So instead, you took a deep breath, squeezed his hand and said, "take me home."

                                                           ––

Nolan was against dropping you off at your apartment and leaving you there to talk to Preston alone but after insisting and then threatening to cut his hair while he slept...he finally left. You didn't want Nolan to be there when you had the talk with him because you were already embarrassed enough at the fact that he had to take you to the clinic to get tested. Having him hear you argue with your boyfriend about how the hell he got Chlamydia and if he was going to tell you, wasn't something you wanted him there for.

The front door to your apartment opened and Preston strolled in, closing it behind him and hanging his keys up on the hook. "Hey babe," He said, sounding relaxed and happy as he made his way over to you in the living room. "Is everything o–"

That's when he must have seen it, his unfolded test results sitting directly in front of you, face up and in full view. You had your hands tucked beneath your chin as you stared at the paper. "Sit down."

"Where did you get–"

"SIT Preston!" You yelled, keeping your eyes on the paper because you knew the moment that you looked him in the eyes, your facade would fall and the tears would spill.

You reached out and slid the paper over towards him. "Y/N, I can explain."

You let out a gutted laugh, finally looking at him. "Please do! Please explain to me why I found a positive test result for Chlamydia from almost two weeks ago, sitting on the counter!" His eyes stayed looking down at the paper as if he was reading it over. But you knew better, he was just too chicken to look you in the eye. "How?"

You already knew the answer, you just wanted him to say it. To see if he was capable of being an adult and facing his problems head-on. The way his eyebrows furrowed and straightened out again as he chewed on his lip, was showing you that he was contemplating his explanation. The truth or a lie? "Maybe you–"

"Don't you even go there, Preston."

He sighed and rubbed his hands down the front of his face as he fell back into the couch. "It was only two times."

In an instant, it was like those five words sucker punched you so hard in the gut, that you could feel the pain in your back. "O-Only two times? ONE TIME IS BAD ENOUGH PRESTON! BUT TWO?!"

"Y/N, please it was a–"

You held up your hand to silence him, feeling your bottom lip tremble as you collected your thoughts. "I had to get tested today, Preston. Nolan had to drive me to the fucking walk-in clinic to get tested for Chlamydia and every other fucking STD in the book because you can't keep your minuscule dick in your pants?"

You stood up and held your hands out to calm yourself, looking at him. "And you have the fucking guts, to say it was only two times...and that it was a mistake," you laughed and shook your head. "Fucking unbelievable."

You heard the couch shift back as he stood up fast, clenching the paper in his hands. "Why were you even going through my stuff?"

"You left it on the kitchen counter, genius!" You said, turning your back to him and crossing your arms. "Get out."

"What?" He asked, scoffing at your demand. "This is my apartment! I'm not getting out of my apartment."

"Fine," You turned back to him, glaring at him. "Then I'm leaving. I'll come back for all of my stuff."

"Come on, Y/N, let's talk this out like adults and–"

"ADULTS?" You laughed, shaking your head. "WE'RE YOU EVEN GOING TO TELL ME?"

He stood there, his eyes switching constantly between the floor, his test results and you. "Eventually."

"Eventually," you threw your hands up and let them fall against your legs. "Eventually, doesn't work for me, Preston. You're putting my health at risk because you're too much of a coward to tell me that you cheated on me and the skank you did it with gave you an STD."

He lunged forward and grabbed your elbow as you went to walk away from him. "Y/N–"

"Let go of me, Preston!"

No sooner than the words left your lips, your front door burst open and Nolan came storming over towards you. In an instant, Preston's grip was ripped from you as Nolan pushed him against the wall, his forearm pressing against Preston's chest. He turned to you and nodded his head down the hall. "Y/N, go pack a bag," he turned back to Preston and glared at him. "You're leaving."

"Y/N, please don't! We can–" His voice choked off as Nolan slid his forearm up higher towards Preston's windpipe.

"You don't talk to her, you don't look at her," He looked back at you, "Y/N, now."

You turned away from the scene and rushed into the bedroom you shared with Preston. Reaching under the bed, you grabbed your duffel bag and raced around the room, grabbing as much as you could from your assigned drawers, your side of the closet and any of the electronics and other small stuff you'd need. You zipped it up and tossed it over your shoulder, walking out of the room to see Preston still pinned against the wall. He looked in your direction and nodded to his right, signaling for you to go towards the front door.

You walked by Preston, not even bothering to give him a second look as you stood by the door, shuffling side to side as Nolan glared at Preston once more. "You better pray that her test results come back negative or so help me God, I'll come back here and personally kick your ass." He pushed him further against the wall before letting him go, pushing a finger into his chest. "Let's get one thing straight. Whatever her insurance doesn't cover from this testing, you'll pay. We'll be back tomorrow to grab the rest of her stuff around noon. You can either be here, hide away in a fucking corner and not speak or you can choose not to be here when we are. Either way, if I find out that you're trying to contact her, I'll come back and kick your ass."

Preston just nodded his head frantically and Nolan sent him another death glare before walking over to you. He wrapped his arm around your waist and lead you out of the door and into the hallway. He kept you close to his side, even taking the bag away from you and carrying it himself as he led you to the elevator of the building. As soon as the doors closed behind you, Nolan leaned back against the elevator wall, his arms crossed. "You never left...did you?"

He looked away from the control panel and over at you. He stood up straight and walked over to you, wrapping you in his arms and hugging you tight. "I told you I wasn't leaving you Y/N." He pulled back and made you looked at him, his face stoic. "I'm not leaving your side ever. Whatever you want to do, I'll support you. Whatever you want me to do, I'll do it."

You stared up at him, noticing the way that his eyes took you in and hugged him tighter, pressing your face into his chest. "Take me home, Nol."

[transrightsjimin]

im sorry im not rly in the BE hype atm :((

rant coming which has nothing to do w the album but everything w stress nd fatigue nd crying nd more job stress nd sensory overload and me turning everything into a worse issue in my head etc etc

i was this morning when i saw the mv nd watched the vlive but i obv slept way too few bc i went to bed late nd woke up early for the live and i had to rush a lot w errands nd an appointment w my autism coach nd at said appointment we called a dude from the municipality to inquire abt jobcoaches nd it turned out we misunderstood what jobcoaches are as they are who u get referred to when u have a job, nd the guy found it hard to figure out what type of trajectory(?) would best fit me for help nd now i have time to think abt it and will speak him again in 2 weeks or sooner if i want to. im just so tired nd a bit hungry and on edge and one sec, im in the side of the house tht faces kids playing around aka screeching as if theyre dying every second nd its majking me only more on edge!!!!

but urgh i cried so bad during the appointment and was prob way too rudde to her before the appointment, bc she talks loudly nd sounds rude nd confronting but just naturally bc ofher tone nd language nd urghgh h thikning abt jobs nd trying to talk nd not cry too hard when trying to explain stuff to the man over the phone was rly hard, like obv its fine if he knows im crying but its just hard to talk when crying nd im just so devastated thinking abt jobs!! i dont know what type of job i could handle nd it feels like im making everythig up bc i did somehow finish two studies in uni and im privileged enough w education and whiteness tobe more easily selected for a job by e.g. last name on my cv and i shouldnt be this picky but god i cant handle smth as physically demanding and underpaid as this, im tired 4/7 days that im not working nd what i earn in those 3 days is still not enough to cover rent bc they pay only for the delivery time itself instead of more hours!!! it just feels like wtf am i doing bc the municipality guy did admit im not the usual person he works w bc i had an education, as if i dont belong in the group but its really just an issue of having -100 confidence and no job experience!! like i rly dont strive for a fancy job or ‘’’career’’’, i just bneed something that i can pay my monthly expenses w and have a bit left to save up for e.g. emergencies, additional medical bills (like the 350 euros from the adhd diagnosis and therapy, which my autism coach will contact my adhd therapist abt, like if that bill can be delayed or split up in a payment plan), paying back for loan debt eventually and MAYBE soon god forbid i save up for smth fun. and i “need” the job also to have a daily activity and some structure in my life bc a large part of the reason my schedule is so fucked up is bc i have no more set time tht i need to be anywhere or any strictness or reason to get up nd so i just dont ghhh

im always looking for reasons why i cant do smth and why smth would go wrong and im already looking at every area where getting help w getting a job can go wrong like e.g. me being too stubborn abt companies i dont agree w or me thinking i cant do anything just bc i have not much working experience outside of mail delivery :(

nd then there was this A B C task list system my adhd therapist proposed in wihc i keep track of my most to least urgent + important tasks every day nd we werent sure where to keep track of that kind of list and she suggested sticking a paper to a wall (i think id rather use my wardrobe) to write it on and change or replace that every day and it sounds like a hassle but i rly need to do it every day, nd i can try other methods but thatd be either writing it on my phone but im not always on there nd theres not a type of file i can make that doesnt move back chronologically as i make new notes

ALSO im just very frustrated w myself bc my mom wanted to come over w food and i know she was too sudden w it but if only i left on time for the stores it wouldnt have been an issue. i feel like shes rly sad she couldnt come visit. fucking hell i rushed so much back and forth from the stores that i forgot to put the leftover letters from work yesterday into the outdoor mailbox and i already stress abt this bc my current teamcoach (aka manager) is more stricter w this stuff nd recently asked for a statement / explanation by me on why there were 29 letters w/o sticker from a route i did  counted from the collected mail that were in outdoor mailboxes, and i did not do that but my only alibi / reason for not making that huge mistake was that i hadnt posted any mail yet that day and obv he wasnt happy w that. i sometimes had dreams / nightmares recently where i was late again or fucked up w a new route and got fired for it and thats quite an awful scenario / fear to me bc thats exactly why my dad was fired by his previous employee, for being late too often nd we’re the exact same. it just sucks bc i know many ppl who worry abt being late arrive to early at shit bc lol anxiety but i still arrive late every day WHILE being stressed abt it nd my whole fucking issue is that i need to break w bad patterns MYSELF, like whether i get help for autism stuff or adhd or sleep or whatnot, the homework / assignments / tasks / advice they give me, in the end i still need to be the one to do it and push through and make a change or put more effort into not going continuously back to the same distractions or demotivating black-white thinking

just URGH im so easily annoyed nd sensitive, also as in sensitive on a tactile level nd it doesnt help tht my room is a mess nd im super stinky from bts BE excitement and from squeezing my skin a lot last night, nor does the fact that i have rly bad coordination / awareness of my surroundings nd continuously bumping into shit or getting caught on smth help, which is also another reason im just so slow at work bc if i try to walk or deliver mail faster i keep end up bruising nd tripping or tear my hands on all these hard to move or sharp mail box slots if im not careful nd slower, which does still happen but not as bad when im careful

im also rly dizzy rn from haing slept too few and just urgh i “need“ a stupid fucking job, i need the money i need the structure but my god does actual labour and having to deal w colleagues every day and trying to keep up w stuff and be fast and precise enough in whatever the job is, sound horrifying hhhgghgh

OK RANT OVER IM SICK OF ME TALKING SO MUCH

[thelastspeecher]

Hi! So like five months ago I sent you an ask about applying to grad school and you gave me a super amazing answer. And I'm back now because holy shit I got into grad school (CalArts for Creative Writing) and in the last one you said there was a whole 'nothing list of tips if you actually get into grad school? And I got in and I'm curious what the tips are? If there's anything you've learned in the last few months that changed your perspective on grad school? Thank you so much!

First off, congrats!  That’s a big accomplishment!  Grad schools in general are competitive, and big names like CalArts even more so.

So, you want my advice, eh?  Okay.  Let’s do this.

First step is getting organized.  You start in the fall (I’m assuming), so you have plenty of time.  Find out where important locations are on campus, familiarize yourself with the area you’ll be spending most of your time in (I’d focus on figuring out where the closest bathrooms and places to get food are, personally), and invest in a planner.  Keep that planner handy.  Use it.  It’s easier to stay organized if you start the semester that way than it is to try to organize yourself halfway through the semester.  Make a monthly budget.  Decide “I will spend X amount on groceries every time I go shopping”.  Keep track of the money in your bank account (a lot of banks have mobile apps that make this very easy).  Put some of your paycheck into a savings account every time.  You never know when you might need a nest egg.  Stay up to date on your medical needs (prescriptions, flu shots [for the love of god, get a flu shot], dentist appointments, yearly physicals).  You can definitely find resources at your school to help you with some of these tasks.  There is no doubt in my mind that you will be able to find a workshop on keeping a budget or other adult skills.  Attend workshops for new grad students.

Second, look into different support systems for students.  That means student-led organizations, departments that exist to keep the university complying with federal non-discrimination laws, and general resources.  Get a support system set up right away, particularly if you are going to be far from family.

Student-led organizations will be able to help you adjust and provide you a sense of community (particularly if you belong to a minority community).  Other grad students will be able to offer advice faculty or staff might not be able to.  Don’t isolate yourself!  That’s what I’ve been doing and it sucks!  The only reason I haven’t driven myself completely insane is because I have a roommate who happens to be my best friend.  If I could start over, I wouldn’t do what I did and avoid everyone because I was intimidated.  I would stroll into rooms with purpose and confidence that I am the baddest b*tch there.  Confidence gets you far in life, particularly in grad school.

“Departments that exist to keep the university complying with federal non-discrimination laws” is a very wordy way of saying the Title IX office, disability services, offices for students of color (schools typically have different offices for different racial minorities; find out which one is best suited for you), the LGBT resource center, and the like.  If you are part of a demographic minority, find out where you can locate help immediately.  If something goes wrong related to your status as a minority, you need to nip it in the bud RIGHT AWAY.

General resources are things like mental health services, university health services, survivor services, etc etc.  If you have any history of mental health issues or have been in therapy at any point in your life, I recommend jumping into counseling immediately, even if you feel like you don’t need it.  Just talking to a neutral party will help you more than you think.  Most schools offer free counseling for students, too.  If they don’t, then that’s really fucking weird, but they should be able to help you figure out a method for you to adjust smoothly without it being too much of a drain on your wallet.

Third, learn from my mistakes.  Good lord, learn from my mistakes.  I had a disastrous first semester at grad school.  I was overwhelmed, completely out of my depth, and the one thing I thought I was doing right I discovered I was actually completely fucking up.  I entered my second semester on academic probation and probation as a TA.  How do you learn from my mistakes?  A few ways.

The first time you TA (most grad students TA at some point), insist on someone observing you.  The department should automatically observe all TAs, particularly new ones, but it’s possible to slip through the cracks.  That happened to me.  The head TA was too busy to observe TAs my first semester, and I didn’t find out that I was a shitty TA until I was in a meeting with department and university head honchos, who were effectively accusing me of hating my students and hating being a TA and sucking in general.  That’s paraphrasing, and definitely not completely accurate, but that’s how the meeting felt to me.  I got by only because I explained to them “I am autistic, I struggle with new social situations”.  The extenuating circumstances in my situation allowed me to try to TA again, but this time with some accommodations and outside assistance.

Related: If you are disabled, disclose it to the department.  Disclose it to the higher-ups and the professor who will act as your advisor.  You don’t need to disclose it to anyone else, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to tell the people you will be working for.  Even if you have amazing coping skills, disclose it.  I’m damn good at pretending to be abled.  But my disabilities still bit me in the ass.  New situations and stress have a tendency of exacerbating symptoms.  You can’t expect everything to go smoothly.  And you can’t expect the department to hold your hand or even recognize what’s going on with you.  I’m the first diagnosed autistic grad student my department has ever had.  They had no clue how to handle that.  You’ll be going into a field that tends to be a bit more liberal than STEM (like my area of study), so you might not run into the issue of “uh we don’t know how to help you, please talk to some people at the office of equity”, but it’s best to find out sooner rather than later.

Related: If you are disabled, get your ass down to the disability services office and get accommodations.  Immediately.  Start the process over the summer.  Larger schools might have a more complicated process to get accommodations than smaller schools, so you need to get the ball rolling right away.  Even if you haven’t felt like you needed accommodations recently, get the ones you had in the past.  Don’t assume you’ll be fine without extra help.

Don’t take too many classes your first semester.  And make sure the ones you do take aren’t all super difficult.  I fucked up my first semester, bc I took three upper-level classes, two of them in chemistry.  Yeah, three doesn’t sound like much.  But when you’re juggling adjusting to grad school, starting up your thesis, and being a TA, three classes is a huge fucking amount of work.  I’d recommend two classes, maybe one of them difficult, the other one sort of medium difficulty.  Of course, you have to talk to your advisor for what works best for you, but I highly HIGHLY recommend starting off with a light class load your first semester.

When things start going south, bc they probably will at some point, don’t just keep your head down and try to force yourself through it.  Talk to the family members you are closest to (I’m very close with my parents, so I talk to them when I’m having issues, but it could be a sibling or an aunt or uncle or cousin).  Talk to friends.  Talk to a counselor (PLEASE get a counselor your first semester).  Talk to your advisor.  Talk to the other grad students in your department.  You should be able to find at least one shoulder to cry on, if not a whole bunch.

I said this before, but don’t isolate yourself.  Please don’t.  It’s easy to avoid people when you’re stressed.  Don’t do that.  Reach out to other grad students in your department.  Make friends.  Go with them to coffee shops.  I wouldn’t recommend starting out by going to bars, bc that can be a slippery slope, and you shouldn’t have friends who only have fun while they’re drinking (that’s not a healthy behavior).   My grad school has a really nasty drinking culture that contributed to my avoidance of other grad students, but hopefully yours doesn’t.  And even if it does, you should be able to find someone who won’t want to always go to the bar.

Fourth, be confident.  I said that before, but like the “don’t isolate” thing, it’s important.  I’ve always been a confident person.  I took a huge blow to my confidence when I started grad school, bc I felt like I was surrounded by people with more experience (which is an objective fact, but doesn’t always have to be a bad thing) and more knowledge and more accomplishments and who had their lives together.  I was intimidated, for one of the first times in my life!  I’ve always been a top-tier person, cream of the crop, A+ honors student, go-getter, award-winner.  But in grad school, literally everyone else is that, too.  And that’s not a bad thing!  Sure, some people might be braggy, but other people will be more humble.  Having all this experience in one location is good, bc it means you have more help.  You have people you can talk to who have connections, who have run into problems you might run into, who can offer a unique perspective on things.  That is SO GOOD.  And if you’re still intimidated, think of it like this: You got there, too.  You’re just as good as the other grad students, otherwise you wouldn’t be there.  You have just as much potential, even if you don’t have as much life experience.  You have something unique to offer to the school.  If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have been accepted.  And it’s not like everyone else actually has it together.  Some people might, but most of the other students will be as lost and nervous as you (esp other first year students).

Fifth, toot your own horn.  It’s related to being confident, but not quite the same.  Talk about your accomplishments.  Tell people what you’ve done.  Try not to come off too braggy, but don’t hide your light under a bushel.  You have to promote yourself if you want to get anywhere.  You’ve already succeeded at it once, since you got into grad school.  Keep it up!  Oh, and don’t be afraid to toot your own horn when someone else is making you feel intimidated.  I was at a thing where one guy kept going on and on about how he’d been to this country, and that country, and tried this wine and that food and yadda yadda yadda.  I got sick of it, so I cocked my head and stopped him in his tracks by asking him if he’d ever been to Kosovo.  He hadn’t.  He’d been to a million places, but there was one that I had him beaten on.  That was a huge confidence booster.  You have your unique experiences.  Share them.  And don’t be afraid to use them to stop a braggart from controlling a conversation.

Sixth, stay healthy.  Mentally and physically.  Walk most places (that’s how I get my exercise), bike, do yoga, jog, whatever.  Get some exercise.  Eat well.  Make your own meals, keep track of whether you’ve had a vegetable today.  See a counselor, vent to friends, write in a journal.  Most schools offer wellness workshops where students can learn how to keep themselves healthy.  Look into that, particularly if you struggle to eat well or keep stress down.

Seventh, take a short break if you need to.  Grad school culture is intense.  People work way too long for way too little recognition.  Stress kills.  Burn out can make you question your path.  Say no to a third side project your advisor wants you to do.  Take a day off, or an afternoon.  Take a long weekend.  Make sure that things won’t fall apart while you’re gone (in my case, I would get lab work done the day before), let your advisor know you won’t be coming in today for health reasons (you can keep it vague), and then spend your day doing anything but work on your thesis.  Don’t give in to stress and burn out.  It will wreck you.

Eighth, enjoy yourself!  Grad school can be hell, but it can also be fun!  You’re here to learn and gain experience and, hopefully, not hate every second of it.  My own grad school experience has been roughly 92% hell and 8% fun, but I wasn’t prepared when I came.  I did the opposite of hit the ground running.  I tripped and skinned my knees and my face and I’m still trying to catch up with everyone else.  Being prepared, reaching out to people who can help you adjust, those things will ensure your grad school experience goes more smoothly than mine.  Just don’t expect everything to go perfectly right off the bat.  It’ll take some time before you feel like you truly can enjoy yourself.

…That ended on a weird note, but I hope it was helpful.

You’ve got this!  Best of luck!

[multishipperlove]

More from this lovely sastiel AU (shhh, I know I’m the only one who cares about this) bc I wrote this months ago, when I also posted the first thing, but meh... I’ll never complete anything written in my LIFE so might as well post my ramblings here.  Complete backstories for this AU under the cut: 

Sam and Cas meet at a support meeting for single dads or single parents in general. Claire is four, Jack just turned three a few days ago.

Sam and Jack – Sam met Jack's mother, Kelly, while they were both still at the beginning of their college careers. Jess had just died, leaving Sam grieving and not quite as emotionally stable as he would have liked. Due to this, and some other problems (drug use? Sam and Kelly both getting their fixes from Ruby, Sam sobers up after the whole pregnancy thing, realizing he's slowly loosing control. It takes time and a shit ton of effort, regular AA meetings, but he's probably never been as proud of himself as he's after “getting over” his addiction. He's aware that Kelly might not have made it), their relationship never really became serious, always being an on-off sort of thing. The pregnancy was definitely not planned. They talked about it, a lot, considering what possibilities they had and what they wanted to do. In the end, they made the decision to get an abortion. They agreed to split the costs and that Sam would drive her, as well give her all the support he could, emotional and otherwise. But the morning he arrived to take her to the clinic, she was gone. The only thing left was a letter, telling him she'd changed her mind and not to come looking for her. Nevertheless, Sam was worried sick and wanted to find her, if for nothing else than to offer child support or something. He took the letter to the police, but was told they couldn't do anything since she'd gone away willingly. During the next couple of days, weeks and months he kept trying to contact her, but kept running into dead ends. Eventually, he decided to stop trying.

About two and a half years later, when he was almost done with law school, she suddenly returned. One Saturday evening he opened the door to see her with a crying toddler on her hip, looking completely exhausted and Sam quickly realizes that she's probably also still using, or using again. She all but drops the baby off with him, telling him it's all too much and if he keeps screaming, she might hurt him. Before he can even ask for the little guy's name, she's gone.

The next few days are a blur and an eternity at the same time. He finds an envelope in the box she dropped off, containing some important papers and Jack's birth certificate. Jack is also the name stitched into the baby blanket the toddler won't let go off, and seeing the shaky stitching, Sam's pretty sure that Kelly did that herself. The next morning he goes shopping, and after that he drags Jack to every person who thinks might be able to help him. There's so much he needs to worry about, custody, whether the boy's going to stay with him or not, what the legal situation is, if the child is well, if he can even afford a damn kid because he still has six months of law school left and god knows it's not getting easier after that. It's Tuesday when he realizes he hasn't even called his brother yet, or any of his friends, and after dialling his brother's number with shaking fingers he has his first breakdown. But Jack has just fallen asleep in the new crib in his bedroom, so he tries to keep it quiet. Luckily, Dean already knows about the whole story with Kelly and seeing how freaked his little brother is, he manages to stay calm. He tells their “uncle” Bobby, the man who took them in after John threw them out, and asks for a few days off to help Sam get settled. Or find an adoption agency, whatever he needs. Bobby feels like he wants to yell at Sam for not calling sooner and tells Dean to get going.

Later, after being called to come back in by a doctor, Sam's told that Jack shows some symptoms that could come from drug consume during the pregnancy. However, without Kelly there to tell them what she took, they can't be sure and will just have to see how Jack develops. Cue Sam's second breakdown. After that, Sam notices that Jack is a bit slow at times, needing more time to understand things than other kids, and doesn't do well in social situations. He's a clingy kid, and at first very shy. Later he gets over that a bit but still remains socially awkward and too naïve for his own good at times. “I was almost sober for nine months, it was hell!”  “'Almost'?!”

After about six months of living with the kid, Sam wouldn't give him up for anything. He's fully accepted his responsibility of being a parent and loves Jack with all his heart. Jack often asks for his mother, but with time it becomes less. Sam has a feeling that it's not the first time she's dropped him off somewhere without coming back for a while. He picks up his studies again, after having taken a leave for a few months, his professors/boss thankfully being understanding, and things seem to get back to normal. Bobby and Dean are already attached to Jack as well.

Then, in the middle of the day this time, Kelly is suddenly back. And she demands that Sam lets Jack go with her. Sam refuses, naturally, and tries to talk to her at first. About how much better Jack is doing in a stable home, how he'll need special care with some things that Sam will be able to provide once he's found a job, and how much he loves the kid. But Kelly starts to get hysterical, and eventually he's forced to throw her out. She threatens him, telling him she'll take it to court and that Jack is legally hers. As soon as he hears that Sam panics, suddenly realizing that he never did, in fact, look into the legal situation. Which is beyond stupid since he's a lawyer. So he rings up an old friend who went into family law and who knows about his situation, asking him for advice. At least until he can make an appointment with someone else, because right now he's desperate. When the first letter from Kelly's lawyer arrives, Sam's prepared.

The custody battle takes years, and Kelly refuses to give up. It's still going by the time Sam finds himself at the first support meeting, and he's still afraid that he'll have to give Jack up despite knowing that it would be ridiculous and that no judge would give Kelly sole custody after what she's done. He also tries not to take Jack to court appointments with him, knowing it's not fair on the little boy. He's offered Kelly early on that she can come and visit them though. So far, she hasn't.

One day his baby sitter calls in sick, or with an emergency of their own, and Sam isn't able to get a replacement in time for the court date. Not knowing how to help himself, but remembering that one of the other parents in the support group (a remarkable hot parent, but he tries not to think about that because what the fuck Sam, that guy lost his wife not too long ago) gave him their number to set up a playdate, he eventually calls Cas. Cas is more than happy to help out. Since Sam and him are both new in town, new in the support group, and their kids are almost the same age, he'd been hoping to hear from the man. If he can help out, all the better.

Sam doesn't know that, of course, and feels incredibly guilty for dropping Jack off at the other man's house. Once he gets back from the appointment, obviously exhausted and mentally drained, Cas even invites him to stay for dinner (since he just got done anyway, and oh, what a coincidence, he made too much). Sam keeps thanking him during the dinner and promises to make it up to Cas, maybe with a coffee or two when he's got the time. Neither of them is aware of the accidental flirting, like the exhausted idiots they are.

Cas and Claire – Castiel Jimmy Novak married what he thought to be the love of his live, Amelia Everett, when he was 18, because they were both from conservative families. And living together, out of wedlock, is a sin. They even bought a house, getting them several hundred thousand dollar of debt. And for a while, they were happy. Cas got a job as an accountant (he's good with numbers) and Amelia agreed to stay home and take care of the household. She was never really happy with that though, and things quickly started to go south when she wanted to take a job as well. Cas, as the head of the household, didn't want to feel like he couldn't take care of his family, and this was only one of the issues which kept coming up in their fights. But being the good Christians that they are, they wanted to make things work out and were willing to work on their marriage as well, even if it wasn't perfect. Their efforts were renewed once Amelia realized she was pregnant, and they were happy once more. Head over heels, actually. But Cas' blind faith as well as his blind obedience when it came to his own father or his boss still worried his wife, and she knew it wouldn't last.

And just like she had expected, about a year after Claire was born, everything took a turn for the worse again. Cas started to get more aggressive, yelling at her or even the kid when something didn't go his way, demanding obedience from her and dragging them around as if they were his property. She knew it wasn't right, and her friends kept telling her that it was abusive, and that her husband had some serious problems. Nonetheless, she stood by him. Until about another year later, when he started yelling at Claire, yelling at a two year old, at the table because she'd dared to reach for the food before they'd said praise. Trying to stay calm she'd gotten up, gathered her daughter and told Cas that she was leaving. He'd tried to stop her, of course, but he had never gotten physical. Which she was thankful for, otherwise she wasn't sure if she'd made it out that night. She knew her husband was going through a crisis, but that was no excuse for the way he'd been acting. She was able to stay at a friends house at first and told Cas that, if he ever wanted to see her and their daughter again, he'd need to change.

That was the first time Cas realized just how much he'd fucked up. He had known before, kind of, always feeling guilty after treating her like shit. He'd thought of his own mother, and how he'd sworn that he wouldn't become his father. Apparently, he'd failed in that regard. A few days later he called his family, to tell them what happened, only to learn that Amelia had now been shunned by her parents for being a disgrace of a wife and that both her parents and his parents were on his side. After a heated discussion with his father, that he didn't want their support and that he deserved what she'd done, that he was glad that she'd gotten Claire out of the house as well, he really decided to make a difference. First, he moved out of the house so Amelia and Claire could move back in. He got a small apartment and send every penny he could spare to his wife and child. And he started therapy, knowing full well (after already having gone through a bunch of psychology books as a teenager) that he wouldn't be able to break his own cycle of abusive behaviour without help. It took a lot of time, and several set backs, but eventually Amelia started to trust him again. At least she knew he was trying. Six months after Claire's third birthday, they agreed that he could move back in with them. The day before he did, Amelia was killed in a car accident.

Once again, Cas' entire world was shattered and this time he was the only one left to pick up the pieces. His family had turned away from him after he'd gone off at his father, and he'd never managed to find friends where he lived. Claire had always been a handful, and he had no idea how to raise a child on his own. For the first couple of months he stayed in the house with her, only going to work and to therapy, which helped him over the worst. Then he got a job offer in a different city, and the pay he was being offered was just too good to pass it up. So they packed their things, he promised Dr. Churley to find a new therapist, and off they went. Finding a therapist wasn't easy, but at least he found some support groups which he was sure would get him over the first couple of months. One that dealt with anger issues (though he mostly had that under control by now), one for depression, one for survivors of child abuse and... and one for single parents. And he thought why the hell not, he could need all the help he could get at the moment. At least one of these groups had to be good, and maybe even one good group would be enough.

When he got to know a certain Sam Winchester at his first group meeting, he was convinced that it had been the right decision. (Maybe later, Cas introduces him to the group for child abuse survivors as well because he realizes that Sam's got issues too)

Also, they'll both freak out a bit about being attracted to each other. Mutual Pining, naturally, with both of them thinking the other is straight.

Cas has issues because of his faith, Sam has issues because his bisexuality was one of the reasons he and his brother had to leave home. When John caught him kissing another guy in his room when they were supposed to be doing their homework, he'd freaked out. It had been one of the worst beatings Sam had ever gotten from his father, and that was saying something. Dean had found him at their secret hiding spot, still bleeding and trying hard not to cry his eyes out. For a moment, Sam had been afraid of his brother's reaction as well, but Dean had only hugged him and promised him he'd be save now. Then he'd loaded him into the Impala and driven them to Bobby, who'd already been waiting with open arms. Beyond a few overheard phone calls which mostly consisted of yelling, that was pretty much the last thing Sam had ever heard from his father.

[bonkaisecretsanta]

Happy holidays @shayspencer from @fuckitimfangirling​!

Summary: They're doomed, probably. He still wants that heartbreak anyway. Warnings: Role reversal of sorts; pre-show/S1/S2 AU; alternative Salvatore backstory to fit the story and bc some things in canon did NOT fit Civil War era customs; bg DE; KC and SK if you squint; dark themes; abuse; bullying; murder; violence; underage not-quite-smut; dead and dying characters; angsty bullfuckery; mentions of suicide; anachronistic storytelling 💔🔫 = past, 💀🔫 = present (s1/2 AU stuff); de-aged Kai (b. 1991)

Grams makes her put on her nice dress, the one reserved for special occasions at church. It's pretty, yellow and red, and super fluttery - it makes Bonnie feel like a princess - but it's also too layered and itchy for the muggy weather. The AC in the old courthouse is down, and the windows are open while electric fans whir. The relief is transient when the rotating air cools her form. Bonnie, in all her seven year old discomfort, feels oppressed. Wearing so many layers of cotton and gauze in such heat is probably against the law. She'll ask Judge Kincannon.

But Grams had been stern and left no room for argument when she woke Bonnie early to braid her hair and get her dressed, so Bonnie suffers in silence. The older Bennett woman seems anxious, looking at her watch repeatedly as they wait for someone to arrive.

Truthfully, Bonnie is confused. They arrived nearly an hour ago and after speaking briefly with Old Sheriff Wilson and Mrs. Forbes, who quickly disappeared, Grams told her she would make a new friend soon. It was exciting news. But it's been an hour and she's bored.

Her legs kick the air in patterns. Left, right, left, right. The swinging makes them feel heavy and cold, like metal. Bonnie is made of steel, like Superman. She bet she could be a hero like him too, save lots of people and everyone would love her like they love him.

“Bonnie! Bonnie!” the crowd cheers in her mind. Her imagination is distracting, to the point she misses when Grams stands up. She doesn't miss the sharp swat on her shoulder or the side-eye from her Grams as she hops to attention. Bonnie smoothes her dress out and clasps her hands behind her back like they teach in school, and smiles pretty. Her knew friend must be coming!

Mrs. Forbes is back, this time without Old Sheriff Wilson. Bonnie can't really see him at first, because he's half hidden behind Mrs. Forbes’ legs, but then the police officer comes to a stop and Bonnie can see the little bruised hand gripping at her belt loop.

“Come on, honey,” Mrs. Forbes coaxes. It's the same voice she uses at sleepovers, when it's time Caroline, Bonnie, and Elena to settle down into bed. Blue-grey eyes peek out out from behind her, small face as bruised as the knuckles. The other little person is a boy, smaller than even her. Bonnie thinks he must run around a lot, if he has so many scrapes. Grams is always yelling at her not to run for fear of getting hurt.

The boy glances between her and Grams then retreats back behind Mrs. Forbes.

“No, no, Malachai,” the blonde officer states. “This is Miss Sheila Bennett, your foster mother. You'll be staying with her now.”

She moves herself so that she's standing behind the boy, her hands on his shoulders and patting soothingly. Bonnie can see the sling that holds his left arm and the patch of gauze taped to his head. His hair is buzzed short, to the point where she can see a scar zigzagging across the top of his head. It takes her by surprise and she can't stop the tumble of words from leaving her mouth.

“What happened to you?” the question sounds almost accusatory, even to her own ears and she flinches at herself even before Grams swats her again. The boy grimaces as well, looking down as Grams tells her to apologize. He swallowing hard and he looks like he's biting back tears. Bonnie is instantly apologetic.

She steps forward and tries to take his good hand, but he pulls it away from her. Bonnie doesn't pursue it.

“I'm sorry,” she says. “I didn't mean it. I'm Bonnie. Want to be my friend?” This time she holds out her hand, leaving the choice up to him. The boy stares at it and takes a breath and reaches out and Bonnie feels hope flutter. And die, when he pushes her hand down gently and walks past her to her Grams.

“May we go now, please ma'am?” He says politely. Grams looks between her and the boy - Malachai Mrs. Forbes had called him - and nods.

“C’mon Bon,” in her Grams’ voice, she can hear the implied try again later and so she follows dutifully behind, anticipating an awkward drive home. Bonnie's hand burns where Malachai touched her.

💔🔫

The drive is awkward and so is dinner. Kai (he asked to be called this instead of Malachai) is her age, but where he is polite and obedient towards her Grams, he all but ignores Bonnie when he can. When he must interact with her, his responses are short and he avoids her space like she's diseased. It's infuriating. He acts like she isn't there and it makes Bonnie’s temper flare. She wants to shake him and scream at him until he looks at her, says or does something. It's the most destructive feeling she's ever felt and it overwhelms her.

By the time her dad arrives to take her home, Bonnie’s fists ache from being clenched. She doesn't know why she’s so angry. He wasn't even mean - Tyler Lockwood had dumped a bottle of glue on her head once, the meanest thing anyone’s ever done to her, and they were friends. She shouldn't be so put out by Kai’s non-reactions.

But the anger is still there when she gets ready for bed, when her dad tucks her in, when she goes to sleep. It seeps into her bone marrow, takes over the fresh blood cells that enter her body. It remains when she wakes up the next day.

If Kai doesn't want to be her friend, fine. Bonnie will hate him like no one else has before.

💔🔫

Maybe he should've tried harder to be her friend. From Miss Sheila’s sighs and and heavy looks, Kai knows that she at least thinks he should have. But her perfect little granddaughter looked so pristine in her dress, like some sort of rose, green eyes pricking him like bramble. It was uncomfortable at best. Then she looked at him with something like disgust twisting her pretty face as she asked what happened to him, the likes of which she couldn't possibly fathom...Kai hated her in that moment. He'd never felt so low for what his dad did, never fell victim to self-blame, never thought he could have done anything to prevent it until that question.

What happened to you?

And shit (and he knows better than to use that word around Miss Sheila, he can tell how strict she is) maybe it was. Maybe if he wasn't what he was, maybe if he'd still been of any use to the coven.

What happened to you?

Joshua Parker did. It's not his fault. His dad was crazy.

Kai insists on doing the dishes, but Miss Sheila only allows him to clear the table because of his arm. He wants to help and his arm is healing nicely - it's his head that's killing him - but she hears none of it. When he finishes, the older witch shows him where he'll be sleeping and he gets ready for bed without prompt or protest. He doesn't want to cause any trouble. But sleep tugs heavy at him and his bad arm is starting to ache real bad along with his headache and he just wants to take his medicine and go to sleep. The faster he finishes his self-designated chores, the sooner he can do that.

When his head hits the pillow he decides he'll try once more with Bonnie. He'll apologize for his behavior and they'll be friends and when he starts up at school with her, she'll introduce him to her other friends and he can be himself without any worries about covens or merges or restoring family honor. It will be a fresh start, a new life better than the last. An adventure. Kai likes adventures.

His will start in the morning.

💔🔫

Joshua’s house is a gory mess when Jason finishes his walk through. He's back where he started, the spot where he found his brother attempting to beat his own son to death.

The Supreme feels sick, staring down at the small puddle of his nephew's half-coagulated blood.

He'd felt Melissa go first, then Josette quickly after. It was sudden and felt so violent that Jason doubled over from nausea and pain as he felt his coven members leave him. He'd summoned his Enforcers and the Board of Regents immediately then ported to his brother's house the second he was able. He'd been too late to save Joey and he'd barely been able to save Kai. Kai, his favorite of his nieces and nephews, whose tiny body felt so light when Jason had scooped him up. If it hadn't been for the boy’s shallow breaths and their faint connection, he might have thought his nephew dead like the rest. He can still hear his older brother's mindless, angry rants.

It should have been me, he had screamed. If you weren't an abomination, you could have made it right, he'd yelled at Kai.

Jason scowls at the memory. Josh hadn't ever deserved Kai. Any of his kids, really. His crazy older brother had been right in some respects. Coven leader was his potential birthright, but his own twin had died in a freak accident. Jason and Isla had been the spares.

But Kai was not an abomination and Jason would fight tooth and fucking nail to prove it to anyone who said otherwise.

He peels his eyes away from the browning puddle. Kai is safe now and the Gemini Supreme intends to keep it that way. Joshua is in coven holdings, preparing to be dealt with. Jason hopes he goes crazy trapped alone in the prison world he has ready for him.

For now though, there's an injured little boy that needs him.

💔🔫

He’s not able to talk to Bonnie the next day. She has school and he has a doctor’s appointment and a meeting with his uncle’s lawyer at the police station. The other man is a Gemini witch that Kai vaguely recognizes. He talks to him like he’s very slow and Kai doesn’t know how to tell him he has a prodigious IQ, that his dad’s break down didn’t erase it.

Although maybe his head injury did.

The police set up a camera and Kai answers all the questions as best as he can. Getting his head cracked open with bat didn’t make him dumber (luckily), but it made that night fuzzy. He can barely remember anything, just the fear and the stink of Joey’s pee. Even that memory makes him sad. He misses his brother.

“And where was your mother when you and Joey were hiding in the wardrobe?”

“She was with my dad in the room, trying to get him out. She was asking him to stop. She kept saying ‘calm down, Josh,’” Kai answers mechanically. He feels distant. Like he’s watching TV, but the TV is his body. His own hands don’t look real. The doctor used fancy words for it at the hospital. Trauma dissociation. Kai is dissociating because he suffered trauma.

He answers the rest of the questions like a robot, pretending he’s the Terminator. He wants to go home, back to Portland, before May ninth, before his dad hated him.

When it’s over, the lawyer thanks him and tells him he’s a strong boy. That he should focus on living a good life and that he’ll never have to worry his father hurting him again. Kai doesn’t want to know. Ever. The camera is off, so the lawyer blesses him and the familiar heat of friendly magic feeds Kai. The feeling wears off soon, but it’s enough to remind him of home.

By the time he gets back to Miss Sheila’s, it’s late and he’s started shaking. Kai falls in the older witch’s arms like the little boy he is and cries himself to sleep. He never gets to speak with Bonnie.

💔🔫

Kai doesn’t get to apologize the next day either. His head hurts and he’s sick from the magic being worked on him at a distance. Sheila explains that his coven leader is severing Kai’s connection from the Gemini Coven so that Joshua can’t track him that way. It’s for his safety, she assures. Kai still feels abandoned.

The boy cries himself to sleep. He never gets to speak with Bonnie.

💔🔫

When the connection breaks, it wakes Kai up. It’s very weird, like something he’s suddenly been dropped into ice water when he’s always been warm. He doesn’t like it. His back itches, feels colder than the rest of him, and it tastes like magic, so Kai gets up and goes to the restroom.

He has to take his sling off to remove his shirt and he jostles the cast slightly. He hisses quietly, rubbing at it until the sting fades, then he turns and twists so he can see his back.

There’s an intricate scar on his upper back. It looks like someone branded his skin with clock cogs, but when he runs his fingers over it, the skin is smooth and cool and sensitive to the touch. Kai shivers, retracting his good hand. The design looks very familiar, like something he might have read before. Kai racks his brain, but he’s tired and can’t think of it. It’s magic related, so maybe he can ask Miss Sheila later.

Curiosity satisfied, Kai puts his shirt in the bathroom hamper and goes back to bed. He feels better now, still a little sad, but he thinks tomorrow, he’ll finally be able to set things right with Bonnie.

💀🔫

Things never really get right between Kai and Bonnie. For that interim between when they first met to when they'd been able to spend more time with each other, the combination of Sheila’s initial focus on him and Kai’s dismissive attitude had poisoned Bonnie to the idea of building anything fruitful between them. Sheila’s refusal to divulge anything magic-related to Bonnie was another point of contention between all three of them. Kai disagreed with Sheila, but kept the secret, and Bonnie, nobody's fool, could tell they were keeping something from her, which led to her jealousy and resentment.

By the time Damon Salvatore swaggers into town with his bourbon and black leather and blacker moods, the animosity between Bonnie and Kai is a well-fed beast. Kai had resigned himself to merely keeping it contained between the two of them.

💀🔫

Bonnie didn't have a lot a people she cared about. She could count them literally on one hand: Elena, Caroline, her dad, Grams, and in some weird way, stupid Kai Parker. To some extent, she cared for Elena and Caroline’s families, but only in that they belonged to her best friends and were a part of them. Her relationship with every single one of her people was complicated.

Elena and Bonnie were closer to each other than Caroline, but they didn't always like each other either. Caroline was too insecure and competitive towards Elena and too dismissive of Bonnie. Sometimes, she preferred other cheerbots to them. Elena wasn’t coddling enough for Caroline’s ego and too often took Bonnie for granted. Bonnie wasn’t trusting enough towards either of them sometimes, because Elena was too selfish and Caroline was too controlling. Blonde and brunette both agreed Bonnie could be too ruthless or too passive with no in-between. They were best friend from childhood though, with a deep platonic love, and any of the girls would kill for the other two. It was a weird tumultuous relationship between the trio. Sometimes they were more enemies than friends.

Rudy cared, but he was a textbook workaholic. If Bonnie kept herself out of trouble and Grams didn't report any misgivings, Rudy Hopkins was content to give his daughter all the freedom and funding in the world. Grams was something weird. She was Bonnie's favorite person in the world, no doubt, but she was always lying to Bonnie about something big - something Kai knew about - and it angered Bonnie. At first, she figured it had something to do with Kai because whatever happened to him had been so bad that the records were sealed and the newspaper clippings had limited information regarding the events. Regardless, Bonnie had some resentment towards both parental figures.

Her dynamic with Kai was the most convoluted. They were arch-nemeses, their antagonism comparable to what Elena had with Jeremy, but worse. Bonnie used to do everything she could to get him kicked out, before she learned the timid truth. Over the years, they’ve had friendly moments, because he was Grams’ foster son and Bonnie was often at her Grams’ home when her dad wasn’t around. They’ve seen each other at their worst, in states no one else ever got to witness, not Elena or Caroline, or whoever Kai’s Elena-or-Caroline was.

But they were never friends. Bonnie can’t be friends with Kai, and he can’t be friends with her, and neither one can pinpoint exactly when the opportunity passed. No matter what weaknesses she sees and let’s him see, it was only ever between them. Bonnie had her friends and suitors who never stuck around. Kai had his little flings. None of their people were able to get in deep with them the way they got in with each other. So much of Kai occupied Bonnie, because so much of who she was hinged on negating him. It was the same for him, she could tell. There was no room between them for anyone else.

Bonnie cares deeply for very few people and she's not incredibly receptive to strangers. They tended to fuck things up.

💀🔫

Which is why, that Wednesday night when that bourbon-drinking, wearing-leather-in-the-summer freak shows up on Grams’ porch, she hates him immediately. Her mood is already at an all time low. Her Prius is getting a tune-up and because Grams’ works an hour outside of Mystic Falls, Kai is the one taking her home from Elena’s parents’ funeral.

Caroline had offered, but the blonde’s own absentee parent had showed up and Bonnie encouraged her to spend time with him. Between Bonnie’s AWOL mom and Elena’s orphan status, both girls wanted Caroline to soak up her parents’ presences.

Kai drives them from the funeral, says nothing to her and expects nothing from her. The air in the old Toyota is somber and Bonnie doesn't even look up from her phone until she hears him mutter “who the hell is that?”

He's squinting up at the porch, where a dark-haired man is sitting on the porch swing, elbows braced on his knees. Even in the dusky twilight air, his blue eyes are bright and piercing and focused on them. It unnerves her.

“Friend of yours?” Kai inquires. Bonnie wants to snap at him, but his tone is neutral and the question makes sense. She shakes her head in a negative.

“Let's go somewhere else,” she tells him. It's unlike her and Kai eyes her and turns off the car. She scowls.

Of all the times for him to be contradictory, it's when a potential murderer is gawking at them from her grandmother's porch. Typical.

She follows him out, sticking close. Bonnie hates Kai on a good day, but he's familiar to her. She trusts him to antagonize her, to annoy her, and hurt her feelings. She also trusts him to keep her safe. This guy? She doesn't trust him at all. He watches them watch him.

“Someone die?” he greets. Bonnie's opinion of him plummets more. Kai just hits him with the quirked brow. The Gilberts were a pretty beloved family - their funeral procession had been huge.

“Yeaaaah,” Kai stretches the word out. “Did you know the Gilberts?”

The guy's face does something weird. He appears mildly amused. “I knew some Gilberts, yes.”

His expression becomes serious and he stands. “Does Sheila Bennett still live here? I need to ask her something.”

Bonnie peeks from where she's been using Kai as a human shield and glares at the guy.

“What do you want with Grams?”

The guy assesses her, tilting his head and letting his eyes wander up and down her form. It’s predatory and makes Bonnie feel like meat before Kai rearranges himself between them. He's thumbing at his rings like he tends to do when he's agitated. The guy in leather smirks and answers her as though Kai wasn't there.

“Well, little bird, I'm in need of a Bennett witch.”

Bonnie almost laughs, but the way Kai's body stiffens in front of her chases off her amusement. She can see his default devious expression shift into something dark and angry. It sends Bonnie's belly to the floor.

With a grunt, the man follows Bonnie's stomach, crashing to his knees and clutching his head. Kai ushers Bonnie into the house, quickly following her.

“You need to leave,” Kai snaps at the stranger. “Your kind isn't welcome in this town, let alone at this residence. If you come back, I'll report you to the Council.”

With that he slams the door shut, leaving Bonnie with dozens of questions on her tongue.

💔🔫

About a week after Kai's banishment, his coven leader shows up on Miss Sheila's stoop. She lets him in with a smile, then leaves him and Kai alone with a pitcher of lavender lemonade and a round, blue tin of old lady cookies.

Kai picks at a thread hanging from his shorts. His uncle, feeling just as awkward, chugs two glasses of lemonade then plays with the cup. Man and boy peek at each other and are surprised to catch eyes. Jason makes a funny face and Kai chuckles. The tension eases.

“Kai,” the Supreme starts. “You know it's not your fault right? None of this,” he waves his hand around, indicates the general this. “Is your fault. Josh was sick and he heard something he didn't like and he snapped.”

Kai pulls at thread. “Dad said I was an abomination. He said if I'd been worth anything, the Regents would have let you name me and Jo as your heirs.”

Uncle Jason’s face gets dark. “That’s not really your fault Kai, no matter what anyone says.”

“If I was a normal witch and not a siphon, they would have said yes and dad wouldn't have done what he did.”

Uncle Jason grimaces. “Fuck Josh,” he growls lowly and runs his hand over his face. He looks so much like Kai’s dad (Like Jo and Joey. Like Kai.), it physically hurts Kai to look at him, some odd mixture of fear and longing hitting the child.

“Kai, I want you to listen to me carefully,” the Supreme reaches out and clutches his nephew's shoulders. The hold is firm and gentle and Kai basks in his uncle’s warmth.

“The Regents gave a conditional no. They wanted you to go through some intense training before naming you a prospective heir. Your dad was for it, but I vetoed the option.”

At Kai’s dismayed look, Jason wiggled his fingers under the boy's chin and smiles when Kai squirms.

“The training is very dangerous and an extremely outdated and prejudiced practice. The point is to overload a siphon with so much magic they absorb it permanently. It doesn't work. Most siphons die, slowly and painfully, because the spell leaves them open to all kinds of magical backlash, the constant influx of which causes deformities and madness. Do you understand? You would have been tortured to death by your own family.

“Trust me Kai, none of this is on you. Josh was sick. He was willing to let you go through torture and very likely die just for the prospect of being named heir.”

Jason ruffles Kai's dark hair. “You think I would’ve let that happen to my favorite nephew?”

Kai shakes his head. He feels happy and sad and angry and warm. He used to always wish to himself that Jason had been his dad. The thought used to fill him with guilt, but now Kai utters it without any thought.

Jason looks sad. “Me too,” he mutters. “But only if I just got you. No merge to lose you to.”

Kai feels...a lot. He launches himself at his uncle, who grunts, but hugs the kid. He pretends not to notice Kai’s sobs.

Jason strokes his back and stands, walking around and letting Kai cling to him. It's embarrassing. Kai’s eight, a smart and mature third-grader, not a baby. But he feels safe for the first time in months, so Kai lets the embarrassment go.

“No matter what, Kai, you've got me okay?” the Supreme rubs his back, where the intricate pattern adorns Kai’s skin. “This means you're safe. From the coven, the Regents, your dad. But you have me, whenever you need me, okay? Not just as your Supreme, but as your family. I love you, kid.”

Kai holds onto those last four words like a lifeline.

💀🔫

Bonnie screeches like a damn banshee when she's angry and Kai's tight-lipped disposition has her incensed. His ears are fucking ringing like bells by the time Sheila slips through the front door and takes control of the situation.

“Sit your behind down,” she calls after Kai when he tries to slip away.

Kai makes a face while his back is to her, careful not to let her see it. Sheila is a good mother, for all intents and purposes, but she's quick with discipline if she senses disrespect. It's mild to what Kai’s dealt with before, but she ran a tight ship that he’s careful not to rock.

“Now what happened?” she questions and holds up her hand for silence. when Bonnie starts up again about strange men, witches, and Kai being a freak.

“Speak up,” the Bennett matriarch commands him. Kai feels a headache coming on. He tells her everything about the visiting vampire anyway.

Bonnie’s obviously in a state of disbelief listening to him, except she had witnessed Kai drop the vampire with a thought. The mundane denial she'd been raised in wars against her nature and witch’s intuition. The inner conflict makes her waspish and snarky, to the point even Sheila loses her temper.

The fireplace blazes to life and the dining set levitates.

Bennett fire, Kai thinks watching Sheila watch Bonnie. Both generations of women are tense.

Instead of addressing her grandmother, Bonnie turns her attention to Kai. He's not even surprised. It's easier for her to spit vitriol at him than her beloved grandmother.

“Is this what you've been lying to me about all these years?”

There's a challenge in her eyes and a plea in her voice. Kai can't tell what she wants from him, but he gives her what he can. He ignores Sheila’s warning glare and tells Bonnie the truth.

💀🔫

Sentimentality and a sense of masochism made Damon stop at the bridge in the sleepy Virginian town again.

Mystic Falls was still a hole-in-the-wall, barely a blip on anyone's map. The grand return of The Comet was around the bend, bringing with it a slew of hatred and bitterness Damon had housed for the better half of a century. His grudge against Katherine Pierce had become a lifelong companion, his food, his bedmate, his liquor. Take away everything from Damon and he'd still have his hate.

His mood is dense. It settles on him like the fog he conjures and he thinks maybe killing someone would ease the hurt. It used to help. He'd find a pretty brunette and pretend she was Katherine and torture her to death. Soon enough the practice lost its appeal, but the indulgence of bloodlust was cathartic. Klaus had always encouraged it.

He sips bourbon a silver flask said Original has gifted him. Damon had been loyal to him for decades now - since the first Great War. World War. Whatever. It had been nice to meet another vampire on the front lines, to tell his story without any edits or omissions. To miss Stefan and have someone understand that depth of grief, how it had consumed him for centuries, how of course he could never forgive the conniving devil woman that led both brothers to their respective ends.

Imagine his surprise to learn that Klaus had also had it out for Miss Pierce. Petrova. Bitch wonder. Whatever.

So Damon agreed to work for him in pursuit of Katherine. The doppelganger had been his white whale, and he'd waited patiently for the advent of a new Petrova doppelganger. Imagine this surprise when that line guided him back to his hometown.

He almost didn't come. But he's already established that he's a sentimental masochist. Damon downs the last of his bourbon, stares out at the yellow DO NOT CROSS tape and orange roadblocks that wall off the broken bridge.

The night he ripped the human doppelganger out of the car...it had been his bad. He'd wanted to see her, wanted to frighten the family, have bit of a laugh before compelling them to forget the encounter. Instead he'd frightened them right off the bridge and into the water below.

Honest to god, he almost just walked off. He'd sped to the edge and spent almost two minutes just staring at them, wondering if anyone would come by and save them. When it became clear no one was around, he had dived in to save the girl.

Klaus would probably kill him if he found out Damon was the reason he had to wait another five hundred years to break his curse.

He pulled her out of the wreckage and breathed life back into the girl. Wet eyelashes fluttered and he compelled her to find help, that an animal ran out on the bridge and her dad instinctively tried to go around, driving off the bridge. He told her to stay safe because he was coming back for her.

And now he's stuck here, waiting for Katherine to show up like a mouse to a mousetrap. Waiting to give Klaus the green light to snatch her ugly heart out of her chest and for both men to get their revenge. Waiting until the Bennett witch (witches?) can be persuaded to lift Klaus’ curse. It's been so long and having the end in sight is a welcome thing. Soon it will be over and he can rest.

Damon is so tired after all.

💀🔫

He arrives after the kids leave for school. Sheila is tired and not in the mood for company, so she putters around inside before she finally decides to meet him. The vampire Kai described the night before is waiting on her porch swing when she steps out and Sheila pauses in her motions, facing him. He tips an imaginary hat to her.

“Morning ma'am,” he greets. “I'm Damon.”

The old antebellum accent he speaks with sounds completely natural on him, as at odds as it is to his appearance. Sheila studies him, her brow wrinkling in thought.

“You look like that Salvatore boy that runs the boarding house.”

He chuckles, seemingly surprised.

“Zach?” he questions, accent gone. “He's my great grandson.”

Sheila takes a seat in the rocking chair adjacent to him and indicates that he should continue. Damon licks his lips.

“You're not afraid of the big, bad bloodsucker?” he questions. His tone is something odd. Amused and apathetic. Bored and tempestuous. Even when he'd been hamming up the accent, he'd been both too distant and too emotional about it.

“I heard you were looking for me. Seems unlikely you'd attack if you need a Bennett witch to do your bidding.”

The vampire smirks, stretching his arms out along the back of the of the swing. His leather jacket sits in his lap, black like the rest of his attire. Boot-clad feet push the swing as he tips his head back, eyes closed. The gloom in his aura matches his look. Mighty handsome as he is, those angelic looks hid a soul blackened by the worst of human emotions.

“In 1864, I was doing quite well for myself. I'd done all a good first-born southern boy was supposed to do at the time. Married well, had a boy I adored, partnered with my father in the family business, funded and fought in war I didn't believe in, and came home due to injury,” here he pats his shoulder sardonically.

“The ideal Virginia gentleman, even though I hated myself for it. I never wanted to do or be any of that, but I loved my little brother more than life itself. I had few freedoms so Stefan could have them all. That's what older brothers are supposed to do, you understand.

“1864 was also a year when Mystic Falls was infested with vampires. It was quite unbeknownst to us Council members, but one of your mighty ancestors Emily had teamed up with a vamp named Katherine for one thing or another -”

“Safe harbor,” Sheila interrupts. “Suspicions about Emily being a witch were high, I'm sure you're aware. Especially after she turned down Jonathan Gilbert’s...employment offers. Katherine was to make sure Emily and her children made it safely to the Gemini coven in Oregon. She got the children there, by the way.”

The vampire stares at her and nods slowly.

“Noted. Anyway, Emily had made these nifty daylight rings for Katherine and her friends,” he waves his own through the air. “So they went undetected by the Council for a while. My own father housed Katherine as a refugee displaced by the war. It was during that time, she got her hooks in Stefan. When the Council discovered her true identity, she was captured with the other vampires with the intent of burning them all alive.

“Stefan attempted to rescue her. I attempted to stop him. But he was my brother and he fancied himself in love, and he pleaded with me to let them go. Said she was his heart…,” the vampire trails off, lost in thought. “I let them go, but my father was nearby and witnessed the whole thing. He shot us both to death rather than risk the family name being tarnished. Katherine ran off, saved her own skin - and your ancestors’ as well, I reckon - and I watched my brother die reaching out for a woman who didn't look back once as she left him there to die.”

Sheila is quiet. She can sense the anger brewing under his skin, but had Katherine not left the brothers, she and hers might not be here. She understands his pain, but it is what it is.

“Imagine my surprise,” Damon continues. “When I wake up in transition. Emily was there and explained that Katherine had been sneaking me her blood and compelling me to forget. I was to be a surprise for Stefan. Or leverage, depending on your perspective. To convince him to transition for her. She'd wanted him to choose to be like her, so he didn't have any vampire blood in his system when he died. But in doing that, she took my choice away. She left Emily behind to die as well - or whatever they had worked out - and your ancestor offered me a monster’s ring and told me what remaining options I had.”

“Why did you choose to be a vampire?” Sheila inquires, curious. “You seem to not be your kind’s biggest fan.”

Damon shrugs. “It is what it is,” he unknowingly echoes her sentiments. “I'd already lost everything - my father had spread word Stefan and I died trying to stop Katherine’s escape, so I couldn't go home. But I could have revenge.“

The silence that follows is heavy. Sheila absorbs his.story, filling in the gaps of his story with what she'd read in Emily’s grimoire. No matter how she turned it, Katherine’s role in moving Doris, Eileen, and Charles to Oregon had been fairly minimal. Emily had had back-up plans, which she wrote like Katherine had been aware of, so Sheila finds herself having a hard time condemning the man.

“And you need me for this revenge?”

Damon smiled coldly. “Why yes ma'am, I do,” he replies. The accent is back.

💀🔫

Bonnie ignoring him isn't anything new. Neither is her bullying him or encouraging her friends to bully him.

He doesn't know what he expected. This weird combination of making him miserable and pretending he doesn't exist wasn't it though. After he drops her off for summer cheer practice, she finally deigns to look up from furiously messaging on her phone to let him know Caroline would take her to pick up her car.

When she gets out, she greets Tyler who looks after her like a hungry puppy before turning a hard gaze on Kai.

Shit.

Kai tries to pull out but another car is blocking him. He's trapped. His car door is slammed open and he's yanked outside. No magic on mundanes, he tells himself right before throwing a punch at whoever had him gripped.

It's like six on one, but he refuses to be the only one leaving with bruises, so he doesn't bother holding back his temper. Kai is six feet, one-ninety pounds but the football players are all his size or bigger, so the fight back is difficult. He makes sure to nail Lockwood in the fucking face though. Jerk.

Tanner’s whistle blows and the players dissipate, leaving behind Kai and the asshole history coach. The two men eye each other before Tanner speaks.

“We have a wrestling team, you should consider trying out.”

Kai frowns at him. He can't tell if that was sarcasm or a legitimate pitch, but he doesn't care. He gets in his car and drives off, angry and biting it back.

Leave it to Bonnie to punish him for telling the truth. Nevermind his good intentions.

💔🔫

The next time he finally sees Bonnie, it's his first day at school. She's a grade below him, but she's one of the town’s three sweethearts, so everyone in nearby grades sat as close to her table as possible.

“Hi Bonnie,” he greets when he's able to push to the front. A blonde-haired boy eyes him suspiciously, but Kai ignores him. Bonnie, in turn, ignores Kai.

“I wanted to say sorry for the last time we saw each other. I was really rude to you and it doesn't matter what else happened, I shouldn't have been so mean to you,” Kai apologizes. Bonnie doesn't look away from her chattering friends. Kai's temper rises.

“Bonnie, listen to me!” he snaps, grabbing her wrist. Temper flaring, he forgets himself. He forgets that for all Bonnie's magic is latent, it’s still there, just beneath her skin, in her blood and part of her very soul. He forgets he's a soul eater. In his anger, Kai unintentionally siphons her.

Bonnie yowls, yanking her arm away, but Kai had thrown her away at the very first taste of Bennett magic on his skin. She looks at him with betrayal, clutching her arm to her chest. Everyone is staring at them in shock.

“I-I'm sorry. I didn't - I didn't mean to, Bonnie, I'm -,” Kai stammers. Bonnie interrupts.

“Go away! I hate you, just leave me alone! You freak!” At her outburst, the chatter picks up.

“Yeah, go away, freak.”

“Did you see what he did to Bonnie? What a jerk.”

“A monster.”

Someone grabs his lunch tray and dumps the contents on him. Someone else shoves Kai off the lunch bench.

“Go away.”

“We don't want you to sit here.”

“Disappear, freak.”

Food and wrappers are tossed at Kai, and he stumbles away, out of the cafeteria. Two lunch aids, talking to each other, stop him when they see him trying to leave. Kai says he slipped and dropped his lunch tray, and that he was going to the restroom to clean up. They let him pass.

Kai spends the rest of the lunch period quietly crying in the big stall.

💀🔫

She said no. Of course, she did, Damon had expected no less. Regardless, the comet is weeks away and Damon is on a mission. If Sheila won't do it, maybe her pretty little granddaughter might find incentive. He doesn't particularly care if Sheila gets the Council sniffing after his tail. He just needs the girls, the wolf boy, and Katherine, then finally, finally he can rest.

Through his ravens, Damon watches the Bennett girl and her blonde friend through cheer practice. The doppelganger isn't with them, probably still grief-stricken. They leave for the town garage and the blonde drops the little bird off. They make plans to meet at the Mystic Grill and when the blonde girl is sitting alone in her booth, Damon slides in opposite her.

“Mind if I sit here?” he croons, meeting her gaze. He watches as a familiar carnal hunger fills her face and her pupils dilate. Hook, line, and sinker.

It pays to be patient.

💀🔫

School starts. Kai is a senior, so his last science course is one of three electives and he chooses astronomy over psychology and forensic science. Kai’s had his fill of both over the years. Of course though, Bonnie is fast-tracked and an honors student. They're in the same class and Mrs. Galloway partners them for the course.

Kai’s still bruised up from two weeks ago, an ugly yellow settling under the bags if his eyes. Whatever. Prickwood’s nose is still splinted.

They get their syllabi and look over it as Mrs. Galloway explains the year long partner project. They're supposed to track the progression of a constellation over the course of the school year and make a presentation at the end of the year of what they tracked. And of course, because it's Mrs. Galloway’s class, she wants three written reports for the project, the first being a five-to-seven page partnered paper on their constellation’s history and the last two being individual reflective papers on the project that they'll turn in with their final presentation.

Kai sighs internally and considers dropping the class along with the other chattering seniors. He doesn't really want to do so much work in his last year, let alone have to partner with Bonnie. But Mrs. Galloway comes by with a cup of constellation names and a warm smile, and dammit she was Kai’s favorite science teacher. Physics with her had been bitchin’. Bonnie draws out their constellation and Mrs. Galloway writes down what they got.

Of course. They get Gemini.

💔🔫

A pretty little blonde thing opens the door when Klaus knocks. A frown mars her face.

“Who are you?” she questions, almost rudely. Niklaus is charmed.

Damon appears behind her, pulling a thin, black v-neck sweater over his damp hair. At least he seemed to be ditching his infernal jackets, Klaus muses as the younger vampire grips the girl's chin and makes her face him.

“Caroline, this is my friend, Klaus. Klaus, this is our host, Caroline. She was just about to invite you in,” he compels her.

“Please come in, Klaus,” Caroline says in that dreamy way compelled humans speak. Stepping inside, Klaus smiles at her and presses a kiss to the back of her hand.

“Please call me Nik,” he insists and gets taken in by her immediate flush. She'd be so lovely to paint. Damon rolls his eyes.

“The Bennett Matron said no, but she has a granddaughter on the cusp of an Awakening and a ward who also appears to be a witch. If she won't do it, I'm sure they can be persuaded,” Damon informs him, crossing his arms and leaning back against a wall. His eyes dart at Caroline, indicating to Klaus what he means by “persuaded”.

Klaus nods, then turns to Caroline, compelling her to forget anything she might hear them say and not to mention them to anyone at all. He tells her to occupy herself and she leaves them be.

Damon is staring at him.

“What?” Klaus asks.

“She'll probably die,” Damon states bluntly. “It's very likely I'll kill her at the end of all this.”

Klaus scowls at his friend. “I was just being friendly, since you seem to be your usual charming self.”

Damon shrugs. “She's a dead girl walking - what's the point in being pleasant? It's not like she'll remember.”

The Original is over the discussion and waves a hand, telling Damon to move on. The antebellum vampire reports everything, from his findings, to his confirmations, to his tentative plans, which they work through together. Klaus’ phone beeps and he answers without looking. Very few people have his number.

It's Elijah, informing him that Katherine has made contact about a Petrova doppelganger. The excitement in Damon’s face is immeasurable. Klaus soon ends the call and looks over his old friend and follower. He clasps his shoulder.

“Lay low and wait for my signal. Don't give away your presence,” he hands a stone beaded bracelet to Damon, who slips it in without question. “Let the witches think you left and wait for my signals. Soon, your hunt will be over.”

Damon nods, striking blue eyes practically glowing. He closes them off and sighs. “Just a few more weeks,” he mutters. “And it will all be over.”

Klaus heart breaks a little for Damon. But Damon Salvatore the man died over a century ago. In his place is little more than a vengeance seeking wraith. Death would better when it all ends.

💀🔫

It must be a year of bad luck, Bonnie muses. Maybe the town's chakras are misaligned. Maybe she should ask Grams and Kai, if they decide her worthy of any honesty.

She sighs, comforting Matt. She knows she's being harsh, but things are just so fucked up lately and she doesn't understand how two - maybe three, if her father knows - of the people she cared about more than anything else could lie to her face like that for so long. Maybe Kai, but it was unlike him. He preferred to hurt her with the truth than with lies. And he wasn't the type to use lies to protect anyone. He didn't care.

So that left her grandmother.

Bonnie almost wishes she didn't know shit. Ever since the night she learned about vampires, and witches, and werewolves (oh my!), shit in Mystic Falls had gotten so odd over the last few weeks and it seemed to center around her. First, Elena's parents. Then Tyler ends up hitting and killing a drunk and high Vicki Donovan when she wandered out of nowhere to end up in front of his speeding car. Matt is having a hard time looking at his best friend whom he both blames and doesn't blame for his sister’s death. Tyler's made himself scarce, wrestling with his grief and guilt in his own way.

On top of that Caroline has been acting weirder than usual, like all of this bad shit is just a pesky manicure that needs to be fixed and not, like, actual life and death.

And now, sitting in the police station holding a sobbing Matt, she overhears Sheriff Forbes talking to a distraught Jenna Sommers.

Elena’s been missing for 24 hours. No trace of her anywhere. Her phone, her car, and her keys left behind. Kidnapping is suspected.

Bonnie wants to rage. Apparently she has all this power, but she's never felt so helpless. Her people are falling apart and missing and lying to her and all she wants is to find a familiar place to feel safe. She thinks about calling Grams. Instead, she calls Kai.

💀🔫

Nervously, Katherine twists the napkin in her hand until it shreds. Her water, which she ordered for show, sweats for her in anticipation. She really can't stand Klaus. Waiting to bargain her freedom from him in a small booth isn't at all on her list of things she likes to do. But a small public diner is better than being alone with him.

A man slides into the booth seat opposite her.

“About time,” she mutters, looking up. Klaus smiles.

“I would apologize for keeping a lady waiting, but alas,” he indicates her. Katherine smiles tightly.

“Ha. Ha. I take it you found my information sufficient, then?”

“Indeed,” Klaus nods. “My people have apprehended the girl. Consider your debt to me paid.”

Debt, Katherine mentally scoffs. Choosing to live over letting herself be sacrificed for some stupid curse she had nothing to do with had put her in the Original’s debt. Only a Mikaelson.

“So if I leave, you won't pursue me? No revenge chase, no take backs, nothing? Our business is done?” the vampire doppelganger checks.

“Like I said, Miss Pierce - your score with me is settled.” His eyes flick over her shoulder. “With me, that is.”

A cool body flops down next to her. Katherine has time to take in black hair and clothes, pale skin, and flashing blue eyes before a butter knife is rammed through her wrist and into the table below. She cries out loudly, but no one turns.

A trap. Fuck, she should've known better.

“Hey, Kat,” Damon drawls. “Long time no see.” He slams her head into the table several times and the last thing Katherine sees before her world goes black is cold blue eyes shifting to a warm hazel. She almost calls his name, but then she remembers.

Stefan’s dead.

💔🔫

Bonnie can't stand her grandmother's foster son. Grams had gone out of her way to give Kai a nice birthday - taking them both to the amusement park in Whitmore, buying him a delicious mint chocolate chip ice cream cake - Kai's favorite, and gifting him with a plane ticket to Portland to visit family members who should've been taking care of him instead of Grams.

But he was ungrateful, and Bonnie can't stand him. He was turning unlucky thirteen, finally taller than her and about as sullen as can be.

His birthday is mid-April and it's warm as hell. Bonnie is sweltering in the eat, so she swallows down as much of the creamy Baskin Robbins cake as she can. Kai only picks at his. They're waiting for Kai’s case worker, and Bonnie has a mouthful ready to report about her “uncle's” living conditions. He's been extra snappish lately, escalating their usual bickering to all out brawls. He bruised her ribs, but she sprained his wrist - the same one he wore a cast on when he arrived almost five years ago. She'll lie through her teeth if it meant him finally being out of her life.

Kai's case worker finally arrives and she joins the for ice cream cake and pleasantries. She even brought a gift for Kai, a small collection of graphic novels that he must have told her he liked to read. Bonnie is itching for their interview. Anything, anything, if it meant he'll be gone and taking this uncomfortable feeling he elicits in her chest with him.

Her plan fails. His case worker is looking at her pityingly by the time Bonnie finishes her rant.

“Honey,” the case worker says softly. “He can't go home to Portland. His family want him as far away from his father as possible and the one they trust with him is your grandmother. He’s not going anywhere.”

Bonnie snaps. “But I hate him! He's weird and quiet and mean, and he creeps me out! Why can't one of his family members move here? Why does he have to take mine?”

The case worker softens. “Bonnie,” she soothes. “He's not taking away from your family, he's adding to it. Give him a chance, I'm sure you'll find that you enjoy his company more than you despise it.”

The Bennett girl is stubborn. She may have no choice but to accept Kai in her life, but she refuses to enjoy his presence. The next day she looks up abusive fathers in Portland in 1999. She finds a short newsclip about a man named Joshua Parker who killed his wife and two of his three children. None of the children's names are released so as not to reveal the survivor's identity, who was first in protective services, than the foster care system. The child's records were sealed.

Bonnie eases up on Kai. He's still a freak, but at least she has a better grasp on why. She'll let him stay. It's not like she has to like it.

💀🔫

Kai had picked her up from the station, drove Matt home, held her through her break down, then guided her to his room at Grams’ place. The older Bennett woman is out with the search party. The Sheriff had issued a curfew for everyone 17 and under to be home by 7 p.m., so Bonnie's sitting in Kai's room so that neither teen is alone.

He turns on his TV, leaves it on Chopped Jr, then goes downstairs to make dinner. Bonnie's hands shake. She feels cold, even bundled up in her warm PJ's under Kai's down comforter.

His room is cozy and masculine, shades of navy and light blues and soft greys and creams everywhere. Framed comic posters are lined up sharply on one wall, between two neat but overfilled bookshelves. His bed is in the corner opposite his nerd wall and his desk, the second largest furnishing in the room, is by the bed’s headboard, lined under his window. There's a clean desktop computer and game system set-up on it. The TV is on the dresser between his closet door and the entrance, which are both on the wall facing across the windowed wall. There's textured fabric everywhere, down comforters, knit pillows, microplush throws, a rough carpet rug on the wood flooring - it makes the room cozy.  She's never really been in here before. It was an unspoken rule between them that bedrooms were off limits. His room is kind of like a nautical watercolor, themed and clean. Bonnie smiles to herself as she realizes just how domestic Kai is.

Think of the devil - her foster uncle opens the door. He has two bowls of mac’n’cheese casserole and he hands her one before sitting at the desk and wolfing his own down. He says nothing, watching the TV as though having a red-eyed Bonnie Bennett in his room were a regular occurrence and not weird at all. Bonnie picks at her bowl - it's good, Kai's a pretty decent chef - before she sets it on the desk next to him.

Her adoptive uncle looks at her from his periphery. It's a creepy little habit he's adopted, watching her while pretending he's not watching her while she pretends to not notice. Bonnie's done with pretending.

“Kai-,” she starts.

“Not hungry?”  he interrupts. “I'll go wrap it for you.”

Bonnie purses her lips, but remains silent when he grabs their bowls and disappears again. She can hear downstairs, but then it's quiet. She lowers the volume on the TV and waits. Almost three minutes pass. Nothing from downstairs. Bonnie glowers.

Did he leave?

She gets up and throws open the door only to find Kai leaning against the frame. She starts, clutching her chest. Watches him peer up through his lashes at her.

Something in her belly flutters and her pulse speeds. Kai's hot. Distantly, she was always aware of this, but it's disconcerting to push away her feelings towards him - the vast majority of them negative - to acknowledge odd truths like that.

“You leaving?” he asks her. His voice is soft in the hush surrounding them. Bonnie shakes her head.

“I thought you left. I was going to look for you,” she answers just as quietly. Kai smiles sardonically. Holds up his clocked wrist.

“It's eight-thirty,” he replies. Right, she thinks. The curfew. Kai straightens up and walks into the room. Too close to her personal space and she steps back at an angle. He follows. Bonnie stops when her knees brush the bed. Kai stops when his chest brushes hers. He reaches out and Bonnie closes her eyes.

“I'll scream,” she whispers. Kai’s hands cup her face. They're warm and large and a port in the recent crazy. She's fes safe, with Kai of all people.

“As loud as you can,” he agrees. His thumbs rub at her erratic pulse. Bonnie's breaths come in ragged and a heavy, loud in the air.

“I'll hurt you,” she mutters, finally looking at him. His eyes are dark and focused. Whatever he sees on her face must encourage him because he brings them closer. His lips brush hers, teasing when he whispers back.

“I'll like it.”

💔🔫

Jason had buried his sister-in-law, his niece, and one nephew two days after he sent the other nephew to Virginia for safety. Kai's visiting for his thirteenth birthday and the Supreme had wanted to see the coven members he failed before picking up the one he won't from the airport.

Three pristine headstones look up at him, the two smaller ones with dates that break his heart. 1993-1999. 1991-1999.

Joey hadn't even made it to six yet, dying a few months short of that birthday. Josette barely made it to eight. And the boy who shared her birthday? Jason can only hope he has many birthdays to come.

Sheila's calls had alarmed him. Kai was acting up, skipping therapy, flushing his meds, contemplating suicide. He was fighting and being bullied, one of the perpetrators being Sheila's granddaughter no less, although Kai never ratted her out. Sheila intervened when she could, forced them to spend time together, but fixing that relationship was between the kids.

Kai had a particular fascination with death and death mythology lately. It might have been a phase of it might be serious suicidal ideation. Either way, Jason and Sheila split the cost of a roundtrip ticket for Kai, so that the Supreme could spend time with his favorite nephew.

Jason picks Kai up and they go shopping first, because none of the clothes Kai has really suits his personality. Then they hit up Voodoo Doughnut and a Trail Blazers game and Jason relaxes when he feels the gloom and doom in Kai’s aura lift.

“What about girls?” he asks when Kai finishes telling him about what he likes about Mystic Falls. His nephew’s face falls.

“Or boys!” Jason rushes to assure him. He didn't think Kai was gay, but it's better not to assume anything. “Or whomever you like! I don't care! I mean, I care, but you know in support, not because I think anything's wrong with you or-,” he's rambling, but it's okay. Kai's having an uproarious laugh at his expense.

“I like a girl,” Kai says, still chuckling. His face falls. “She doesn't like me though. Pretty sure she hates me, actually.”

Jason looks over Kai, feels out his aura. It clicks.

“Oh damn, kiddo,” he says. Kai grimaces. “Is that why you never try to get Bonnie in trouble?”

Kai frowns. “No, it's because I'm not a snitch.”

Jason stares. Kai shrugs. “At least when she hates me, I'm on her mind. And she's weirdly possessive about me. It's better than her not caring.”

That….that is fucked up. Love isn't supposed to be like that, let alone someone's first love. Jason says as much. Kai shrugs again.

“I have her,” he says. “It's better than being Tyler Lockwood, who does everything she says in hopes she'll finally do something about his boner only to be disappointed every time she doesn't even notice. I'm in her and she hates it, but I'm there. It's better than every other guy who likes her, but doesn't even ping on her radar. At least she sees me and thinks about me.”

Kai shoves another doughnut in his mouth and Jason sighs, letting the subject drop. It'll either change for the better or get worse until it dies. He just hopes it doesn't leave either child too scarred.

💀🔫

Bonnie's mouth is painful on his and their embrace goes from warm to hot, and she's wet under him, then wet surrounding him. He has to slow down, first for safety (That safe driving slogan, “better safe than sorry” plays in his head when he slides a condom on.), then for consideration, because he hadn't realized popular, beautiful Bonnie Bennett had made it to her junior year of high school without letting anyone have her like this. She clings to him and his kisses soften from bruising to comforting when her tears come. He’s not small, and he never wished he was, but maybe she wouldn't be in so much pain if he had been. He rubs her back and holds her and when she wraps her legs around his waist and encourages him, he feels like he's finally come home.

It's good. Not great, but Kai's nervous and Bonnie's never done it before. He makes sure she cums. Touches her and licks her until she screams, just like she told him she would. Just like he encouraged her to. When they finish, he discards the bloodied condom and offers to run her bath. She shakes her head and holds him instead. Kai traces shapes on her back and closes his eyes.

“What's going to happen?” she says into the dark.

“We'll be safe,” he replies. She shifts, sitting up. Naked flesh moves on naked flesh and Kai's cock stirs awake again.

“How do you know?” Her green eyes glow in the dark like a cat's and he strokes down her dark curls. The sight of her like this makes him ache. Kai’s hated and loved Bonnie in equal measure for most of his life. He has no idea if this is her using him for comfort or her finally giving in to their weird chemistry now that she fears she might lose the people she loves.

He almost doesn't want to know. He certainly doesn't want to think about it.

So he tells her about his coven in Portland instead.

💀🔫

When Elena comes to, she has no idea where she is or how she got there. The house is unfamiliar, but nicely furnished and clean, if not obviously abandoned. Her head throbs and she assumes that's the reason for absent memories. Slowly, the brunette sits up and looks around. She tells herself to stay calm even as horror stories about human sex trafficking and slave trades come to mind. Checking her limbs and body over, Elena is surprised to learn that she's relatively uninjured and unchained.

Another girl with dark hair is slumped over in the corner. She’s looks like a similar height and build to Elena, reinforcing the girl's thoughts of human trafficking. Even her hair shade is very close Elena's own chestnut locks, the only difference being that the girl’s is curly. Unlike Elena, she is chained up. Maybe she fought. If Elena can help her get out of her chains, maybe they can work together to get free.

Looking around, Elena quietly makes her way across the room to the other girl. She's a few feet away when a voice rings out.

“Ah, ah, ah! I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

Elena starts, whirling around. A tall, dark-haired man with piercing blue eyes is sitting on a chair Elena is one hundred and ten percent sure was empty, just seconds ago. He looks comfortable like, he's been there for a while.

He cocks a brow at her. “She bites,” he informs her nodding at the form behind her.

“Fuck you, Damon,” a woman's voice replies behind Elena.

It sends a shiver through her body. It's eerily similar to her own and Elena recalls the obvious similarities she noted earlier. She whirls around and is nearly floored.

The woman behind her...looks exactly like her. Doe-eyes meet doe-eyes, one set surprised and the other mocking. It's like looking at a mirror. Or an identical twin. Except Elena didn't have a twin.

The woman mirrors Elena’s dumbstruck face. “Oh, poor girl. Not only are you not as pretty as me, you're dumb and mute too.”

Elena shakes her head and steps back, looking between the two dark-haired strangers.

“What the hell is going on?” she demands. The face-stealer grimaces.

“Not so loud,” she rebukes. “And you're a human sacrifice. Welcome to the not so glamorous life of a Petrova doppelganger. My advice is to go vampire and not look back.”

“Because that worked out so well for you, right, Kitty Kat?” At he man speaks up and stands. He moves to where Elena is and grips her elbow. She tries to pull away, but he seems unmoved, merely tightening his grip and staring at her unnervingly. His grip becomes blistering painful and Elena cries out, falling to her knees as she tries to get away. She hears the chains rattle behind her.

“She's not me, asshole. I'm right here. If you want your revenge so bad, meet your maker like a man and stop picking on little girls.”

Damon lets Elena go, turning his icy gaze to her... doppelganger?

“Hush, Kitty Kat. No need to act like a jealous old crone,” he sneers. Katherine smirks.

“No need to act like a jilted lover. So what Stefan chose me over you? Your brother was a man grown, not your child or your wife. You already had one of each, but apparently they didn't occupy you like they should've.”

Damon's face grows hard, dark veins filtering onto his face. The chains rattle again as Kat stands.

“You should act like your doppelganger, Katherine, and keep your mouth shut.” He smiles and it's not friendly. “You'll both be dead soon anyway.”

With that, there's a rush of air, and he's gone. The doppelgangers stare at each other. Katherine tugs at the chains but they merely creak in protest. Steam rises from where they press her skin and the woman hisses.

“I don't suppose you can grab me stiff drink, can you?” she asks Elena. Elena just stares and with a shrug, looks for a kitchen.

💀🔫

“Oh my god, I'm a South Park Canadian,” Bonnie says, pulling her sweatshirt back on.

“What?” Kai questions, amused. Bonnie shrugs.

“I'm an uncle fucker,” Bonnie smirks at him. Kai lets out a shocked chuckle.

“What?! I'm not your uncle,” he laughs. He's beautiful, but she is stupidly, stupidly disgusted with herself. Why, she's not sure yet. She strokes his hair and kisses his cheek.

“I don't know...my grandmother adopted you. For all intents and purposes, you're my mom’s white little brother.”

Kai laughs again, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her between his legs where he's sitting on the edge of his bed. He smiles up at her.

“I'm fostered, not adopted,” he corrects. “Therefore, not your white uncle or anything. No incest here, Bonster.”

She starts at the nickname. He used to call her that when he would catch her crying over her dad choosing to work on holidays than spend time with her. He rarely calls her that, and it's always said in soft tones of comfort, never used in moments when she's dead certain he probably wants to kill her.

“Well damn,” she teases. “There goes that forbidden factor.” Kai laughs again, then pulls her back on the bed, spinning so that he's on top of her. His hands nestle beneath her shirt, playing with her belly button.

He kisses up the column of her neck. “Still very forbidden, lover.” He nibbled at her ear. “Sheila would probably kill me for defiling you.”

Bonnie snorts, but it's like Kai's words were a summoning. The front door slams open and Grams is shouting her name. Both Bonnie's and Kai's eyes widen comically and Kai practically launches himself into his desk chair and grapples for the remote to turn the TV on. They both hear Grams start up the stairs and Bonnie wraps herself up in one of Kai’s many blankets and pretends to be immersed in Tony Stark’s misadventures.

Kai's door bangs open and both teens sit up with a jump, not even faking their startle. Sheila’s hands go to her hips.

“You two deaf?” she demands. “And since when are you hanging out in each other's rooms? With the door closed?”

Kai stares at her, convincingly innocent. If Bonnie didn't know better, she'd believe his next words. “We're just watching a movie. Waiting to hear news.”

Sheila snorts. “Mhmmm. And I'm Barbra Streisand. Both of you get your tails downstairs. There's much to discuss.”

Grams turns sharply down the hall and Bonnie and Kai glance at each other before following.

In the kitchen, Grams is heating herself up some of Kai's casserole. Her back is tense and Bonnie can see the weariness that lines her body. A bad feeling settles in the girl's bowels.

“Grams?” She ventures. “What's going on?”

Sheila sighs and turns around. “You eat already?” she asks them. Kai nods and Bonnie shrugs, and Grams nods like this was about what she expected.

“Sit down,” she commands. When they're seated, she crosses her arm and states matter-of-factly. “We've found that along with Elena, Tyler Lockwood and Caroline Forbes are also missing. Since all of the appear to be friends, at first it's suspected they've run away together. But there was blood found in Tyler's house that matched his DNA, indicating a struggle. Caroline went missing on her way home from the mall in Talon Falls. Her car was found in the parking lot.”

She keeps talking, but her voice is drowned out by a loud ringing in her ears. Her breaths come in gasps. Her friends are missing. Her friends are missing. Her friends are missing. The room is too light, then too dark and Bonnie feels clammy and cold. She grips the table in front of her. A sharp slap to her face snaps her out of it.

Bonnie rubs her cheek as Grams lowers her hand.

“You okay, sugar pie? I wasn't trying to alarm you but I needed you to know the truth. Have you noticed anything strange going on lately?” Grams asks her.

Bonnie shakes her head. “No,” she states, her voice cracking. Her face crumples into tears.

This is too much. First, the uncovering of the supernatural, now her friends dying or disappearing left and right. She's never felt so powerless. The afterglow from her time with Kai fades. The self-disgust from earlier settles. She was letting Kai fuck her while her friends were going missing. How could she be so selfish like that, seeking out happiness from a guy she didn't even know how she felt about when her friends’ futures became uncertain? Her distress overwhelms her and she feels hot, like fire was boiling in her veins.

Strong arms wrap around her. “You need to calm down, Bonnie,” Kai's voice rumbles by her ear. “It's not your fault, okay? I understand, but you need to calm down before you burn the house down.”

His words don't make sense, but when Bonnie looks up with teary eyes, she sees her grandmother frantically waving her arms over flames that keep popping up.

“Hold it together, Bonnie!” she calls out.

Kai grabs her face and soothes down her hair. “I'm going to have to siphon you if you don't calm down, Bonster. Deep breaths okay? Don't let your emotions overwhelm you.”

Listening to his words, Bonnie let's herself be calmed. The flames die down. The young witch looks around the charred kitchen.

“I did that?” she whispers. Kai smiles softly and nods.

“Happy Awakening, Bonnie. Let's figure out how to save your friends.”

💀🔫

Greta arranges the casting circle in the field and spells the occupants asleep. Damon dumps Katherine - the vampire, the Lockwood boy - the werewolf, and Elena - the doppelganger in the cages where Greta indicates they should go.

“Bennett blood needs to be spilled from the eastern end, where the comet will enter the Gemini constellation,” she informs Damon. When he looks at her blankly, she sighs and a flaming ‘X’ chars the ground several feet from them.

“Over there,” she tells him. Damon grins and salutes, then takes a moment to look around. The three main ingredients for the “sun and moon curse”, all trussed up and ready to die. How beautiful.

He can hear Caroline crying as Klaus gently guides her back to the field. Damon frowns at that. It's weird, Klaus’s sudden fixation with baby Barbie, but to each his own. Damon doesn't know and doesn't want to know what the hell is up with that.

Movement catches his eye and Damon turns to look. The human doppelganger is stirring. She's been eerily calm about this whole ordeal, taking to the supernatural like a duck to water. It’s nothing at all like Katherine, reminding Damon of his brother's calm disposition and his widowed wife's faithful practicality. Her dark eyes meet his light ones. Warm earth to winter sky.

They study each other in silence, before she breaks it.

“Do you think this will make you happy?” Elena inquires. Damon shrugs.

“It doesn't have to. It just has to be over. I get revenge on Katherine by handing her over to die in away she never wanted to. Klaus gets to break his curse. Klaus compels me to forget and I get to rest.”

“To die.”

“Indeed,” Damon shrugs. “I wanted revenge and now it's here. What more after that? I never wanted to be a vampire.”

Elena’s somber face twists him with guilt and he glares at her.

“Maybe you should learn to live again,” she said. “Save yourself like you saved me that night on Wickery Bridge.”

Damon huffs a laugh. “You know I caused that accident, right? I didn't save you out of guilt or some hero complex. I did it because letting you die then would be an inconvenience.”

Elena's conviction seems to falter, but then Damon watches her literally arm herself with determination.

“You're not a bad person,” she insists. “And you can't convince me otherwise. I know what it looks like when grief kills who you are inside. To feel like the walking dead.”

Damon turns his back to her and closes his, but he's a vampire. He has super hearing.

“And I know that grief can be overcome. Maybe not now or tomorrow, but someday, you'll feel alive again and you can only do that if you keep trying.”

Damon opens his eyes. “What do you know?” he jeers lightly. “You're dying young.”

💀🔫

Shortly after her meltdown, Bonnie's phone rings and she hears Caroline's desperate voice pleading in her ear.

“Don't come Bonnie okay, they have Tyler and Elena and they want you to do something weird, please Bonnie don't come, they're gonna kill us, just call my mom.”

The phone gets taken away but she hears Caroline scream something about the woods and Bonnie writes that down for Grams to see. Kai grabs her hand when another voice, make and British, fills her ear.

“Nonsense, love. Caroline will live so long as you're willing to play your part, miss Bennett. All you need to do is prick your finger and recite some Latin. Very easy.”

“Who is this?” Bonnie asks. “You don't sound like that other guy.”

The man chuckles. “My apologies, darling. My name is Niklaus Mikaelson. That other guy was my associate Damon. He can be a little hard to like, I will admit. But he was only acting on my behalf. I need a Bennett witch for a favor, and I promise you handsome compensation.”

“Like my friends back home safe?”

“As many as possible, darling,” he replies. “But none at all if you or grandmother refuse compliance.”

Kai gets up and grabs his phone. He's texting someone furiously, listening as closely as he can to their conversation. He nods at Bonnie, backed by her Grams’ nod. Bonnie takes a breath.

“Okay,” she tells him. “I'll be there. You're in the woods?”

Klaus hums his agreement. “In a lovely little meadow near the falls. I'm sure you're aware.”

At Bonnie's quiet “yeah” he continues. “And I'm sure there's no need to tell you what will happen to any interlopers you bring along.”

He ends the call and Bonnie looks between the more experienced witches in her family.

“Who’s Niklaus Mikaelson?” she asks them.

Grams is eyeing the liquor cabinet. “Bad news,” she replies. “A very old vampire, one of the first.”

“An Original,” Kai said. He sounds excited. “I texted my uncle and asked him what an Original would need a doppelganger and a Bennett witch. He wants to break the hybrid curse!”

Both women look at him, unable to comprehend his excitement, or in Bonnie's case, what the hell he was even talking about. He smiles.

“It's enough for a powerful coven to run intervention. Like say, the Gemini Coven.”

“Let my coven stop the beasts. We're going to save your friends.”

💀🔫

The Original looks up when the Bennett girl and her grandmother step into the clearing. Damon comes to stand beside him and looks over the women.

“No Prince Charming tonight?” he presses.

“Your friend said no interlopers,” the younger one speaks up, glaring at Damon. He glares back.

“And you didn't even consider being non-compliant? Not to save your best friends?” The raven-haired vampire demands. This time the older Bennett woman smiles.

“Have you considered that we don't need them?”

Damon’s hackles, which had been raised all night, appear to settle.

“Touché,” he concedes and steps back.

Niklaus smirks at the exchange, amused. He nods to the Bennett witches.

“Ladies,” he greets. “This way if you will.”

Bonnie glares at him, but follows to where he leads them. It is Sheila who takes the spellbook from him, reading over the incantation. She looks at him sharply.

“You do know what you're asking, don't you?” she queries.

“Of course,” Klaus replies. “And I understand the risk you're undertaking. I promise to reward you well.”

Sheila scoffs, shaking her head but she turns to Bonnie and guides her through the beginnings of the incantation. Klaus watches them, puzzled, but goes to take his place where Damon is holding the human doppelganger.

“This is too easy,” Damon voices his thoughts. Klaus nods, agreeing. But magic is heavy in the air and it's affecting him like it should, do he decides to accept this lucky streak for the time being.

“We will watch,” he tells Damon. “And should they betray us, we will extract the price in their blood.”

Damon nods, still appearing tense and Elena stares after him pleadingly as he passes her along to Klaus.

“Please, don't do this,” she pleads, but Damon is stone tonight. His attention is focused on the older doppelganger.

He's barely focused on the younger one when he replies, “I have to.”

Klaus grins down reassuringly to Elena. “It's just a little bite, Elena. You’ll barely feel it.”

The magic is rough inside his body. The Bennett's reach the first crescendo and there's a cry from where Damon rips out Katherine’s heart. There had been a brief exchange between them, but Klaus was too preoccupied to take notice of the context.

The next crescendo comes and Greta raises her knife to sacrifice the world not. As it descends, Klaus's eyes close and he leans forward fangs extended for the last influx of magic. He can feel the chains on his inner beast being shredded and the world narrows to Elena's neck and the magic filtering his blood. The final crescendo hits and he bites into the doppelganger, who tries to flinch away.

But his body is breaking apart and coming back together all at once, so he doesn't notice Damon’s warning cry. Not until an ash-covered dagger is jammed in his back. Damon is rushing towards him, but as Klaus falls, he sees the other vampire fall to his knees, a magic whip putting bloody stripes down his back.

Klaus looks up to see Caroline, eyes teary as she grips Elena and pulls her away from him. Clutching her bloody neck, the brunette stumbles after her tall friend to the edge of the clearing. The desiccation takes hold and the last thing Klaus sees is a coven of witches apparating into the clear, glowing green Gemini mark overtaking the clearing.

No Prince Charming tonight? Damon had asked.

Therein lies their answer.

💔🔫

Joshua stares up at his little brother’s projection, the little crown stealer. The Supreme fiddles with his belt then sighs, stepping back to reveal the Ascendant. Hate surges through Joshua Parker

“This is Kai’s,” Jason informs him. “I modified the spell. Your little abomination will hold your life in his hands. This Ascendent will tie you to him, and when he chooses, your life will be sacrificed to fulfill whatever function he sees fit and not one moment sooner. This is your punishment.”

Jason’s projection begins to fade.

“Blessed be, big brother.”

💀🔫

Two weeks later:

Elena watches the weird new dynamic between Bonnie and Kai, before the witch (and that's weird as well, to think of her best friend in those terms) breaks away from his embrace to come sit with them. Caroline is still withdrawn. Her memories from her own kidnapping had returned slowly over the past two weeks. At first Damon had merely used her as a means of food and shelter, virtually ignoring her until he needed a human touch. With Klaus, her treatment had been upgraded, but it meant posing for hours on end for paintings. In their private moments, Caroline had said she can't really explain why the interactions with the Original left her so shaken, only that his attention both frightened and aroused her.

Oddly enough, both Elena and Bonnie could relate.

That night, Kai had murdered the witch working for Klaus and sacrificed his father to protect the Bennett's from the blowback of the spell. Elena didn't exactly understand it all, but she knows it meant a lot to Bonnie. Some tide had shifted between Elena's friend and her grandmother’s ward.

They have lunch. Elena's neck is still healing, but it no longer hurts to swallow or talk, which means she's ready for that spicy avocado ranch chicken wrap from the Grill. Which she's having now, because oh god, yeah. Caroline picks at her food, but she eats more than she has been. She's taking the supernatural reveal hardest, wanting nothing more than to go back to her normal life. But she can't forget and it's left her shaken to know how easily creatures that go bump in the night were willing and able to throw away her life.

She ends up leaving first, being picked up by her mom. Bonnie follows soon after, some kind of magical training she and Kai have to do now that Bonnie's magic is awakened. Elena waves after them, intending to enjoy a second wrap without judgement. It arrives quickly and as Elena takes the first huge bite she looks up to see blue eyes watching her with mild disgust.

She has to laugh at his expression.

“You came,” she greets. Damon nods, sitting opposite her.

“I did,” he said. “You don't think your little friends might see this as a betrayal? I'm pretty sure Blondie would be willing stab me like she did my oldest friend.”

Elena smiles. “Of course she would. You made her feel unsafe.”

Damon leans forward, bracing his cheek on his hand. He's almost devastatingly handsome.

“I'm not sorry,” he declares. Challenges. Elena meets it.

“Neither are we.” She takes a bite of her wrap. “How's living treating you?”

It doesn't sound right through her mouthful of chicken, but Damon seems to understand, making another face at her manners. He huffs and rolls his eyes.

“You shouldn't have interfered,” he chides. “You should have let the witches kill me.”

“What kind of punishment is that?” Elena teases. “Death isn't redeeming. You can't make things right with anyone from the grave.” She takes another bite. Damon watches her.

“I spent a century waiting to kill a woman who looked just like you,” he informs her. “When she died, she thanked me for giving back her heart right before I ripped it out of her chest.”

Elena stares at him and swallows her food. A lump stays in her throat. “Are you going to kill me too?”

He smiles. “Now, now. What kind of punishment is that?” He leans back.

“I think I'll stick around. Hang out with x-greats-grandson Zach. Uncle Zach?” he muses. “He looks older than me: I was only 25 when I turned. Uncle Zach.”

Elena smiles. “Well in that case: Welcome to Mystic Falls, Mr. Salvatore.” She holds out her hand. “I'm Elena.”

“Damon,” he replies after a brief hesitation, shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

They share a smile. Neither really notices when he doesn't let her hand go.

💀🔫

Kai wakes with start when someone small and cold slips into his bed. He grumbles, but shifts so that Bonnie can make herself comfortable.

“Shut up, freak,” she mumbles and pulls his arm around her. Kai presses a kiss to her head. She's quiet, stilling long enough for Kai to start to drift off.

“Do you regret it?” she asks. Kai grunts, not opening his eyes.

“Killing your dad? Killing that witch?”

Kai shakes his head, burying his nose in her hair.

“Them or you, Bonnie. I pick you any day.”

“Even though I was awful to you for so long? Even though you hated me?”

Kai sighs. “I never really hated you. Hush before Sheila pops in to yell at us.”

She back-elbows him gently. “I mean it.”

“Me too,” he grunts. “It doesn't matter, Bonnie. I'd still pick you, any day. Over anyone. Even Grams. Even my uncle.”

Bonnie's quiet. “Why?” she chokes. He pulls her closer.

“You know why.”

With a sigh, she settles to sleep. “I never really hated you either,” she whispers. Kai hums, relaxing.

After a moment Bonnie sits up straight, wide-eyed and distraught.

“Oh shit,” she wheezes, scrambling out if the bed. Kai sits up slowly, somewhat cranky now.

“What now?” he croaks. Bonnie glares at him, then snaps:

“Our first constellation report is due in astronomy tomorrow!”

💀🔫

A/N for shayspencer: Hello shayspencer! I'm donutworry (fuckitimfangirling on Tumblr), your Secret Santa. Feel free to call me Allie. I hope you enjoyed your fic, it was pretty fun to write. It was a little tough to write, bc I think I tackled each of your topics at least once in other works and I didn't want to produce anything too repetitive. I'm also sorry for any typos, this is unbeta’ed and was written during bouts of free time - I work in healthcare and holiday season is the busiest. When I wrote it, I kind of focused on how Bonnie was the one to pursue the bad blood between them and Kai being the one to always offer the olive branch, even if it was after he hit back. I know the high school AU aspect was pretty loose, but I wanted to focus more on how their lives are supposed to revolve around school and how the supernatural disrupted that. Hopefully, I managed to do so.  Hopefully, the Delena was enjoyable. I did my very best, even though I'm neutral towards most non-Bonnie TVD ships. I know KC and SK where probs not what you wanted, but I think it's important to show how push-pull ships like this don't always work out. I did get pretty into Steferine because of you though, lol. It seemed you would be okay with darker stuff, so I went pretty emo because I wanted to bring you the feels. Did it work? If my sadism here wasn't enough, I've got two other WIPs inspired by your prompts to bring the pain. 😝 Happy holidays, enjoy any breaks you might have and any holiday pay you might make! Happy BK Secret Santa! I'll post this on FFN, Tumblr, and AO3 in 2018 after you've had a chance to enjoy for yourself.