#and i need tk get it together so i don’t ruin it

[achingly-shy]

.

[anactualcaseofthetruth]

Hello! I thought I would share a snippet of my WIP and hope that some nice reactions gets my butt into gear to finish the fourth chapter so I can finally post the first chapter (I want to be reasonably ahead before I do).

Anywho, I was tagged by @paperstorm

TK opens his mouth, and he doesn’t even know what he’s going to say until the words are leaving his lips. “I don’t want to be here.” “And that’s the first thing we’re going to work on, you need to want to stay clean and that means realizing this is the best place for you.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean rehab; I mean in Austin.” Dr. Z sits back in her chair, a satisfied look on her face. “Because of your dad?” TK’s hands start to shake, and he turns them into fists to stop the tremor, but it only causes it to travel up his arms. “Not my dad,” he finally whispers. “Then who?” His teeth grind together as he tries to keep the memories at bay. “I can’t talk about it.” “You’re gonna have to do better than that.” “You don’t get it. I can’t talk about it,” he croaks. “I haven’t—I’ve had a lid on it since I was seventeen, I don’t know what will happen if I take it off.” “You know what will happen if you don’t,” the doctor responds. A lone tear drops from the corner of his eyelid, and he slaps it away before it can crest the apple of his cheek. “I could ignore it in New York. No one knew, not even my mom. I didn’t have to talk about it because I could pretend it didn’t happen. I can’t ignore it here, it’s real, and it’s ruined because I ruined it. I—” he stops with a shake of his head. Dr. Z nods slowly. “Mhm, so it’s safe to assume this thing that happened… happened here in Austin?” When he says nothing, she goes on. “TK, I can’t help until I know what happened.” TK stands before she can keep pushing. “I can’t do this.” Surprisingly, she doesn’t try to stop him. “Whatever it is, TK,” she says as he reaches the doorknob, “you’re not going to stay clean until you deal with it. It doesn’t matter how bad you think it is, I can help you through it.” “That’s where you’re wrong, Doc,” TK rasps, his forehead pressing against the coolness of the door. “It isn’t that it was bad. It’s that it was so good I can’t stomach to even think about how happy I was, and what I’ve been running from this whole time.” “Running from what?” TK’s eyes squeeze shut as he forces himself to breathe. “Him.”

And there it is :) hope you all like it/want to read when I post!

I don't know who to tag because the people I know who write that I've spoken with were already tagged and shared.

Soooo open tag? and I guess I'll tag the people who reblogged my seven sentence sunday. I don't really know how all this works. haha

@strandnreyes @welcometololaland @lightningboltreader @ironheartwriter @carlos-in-glasses @liminalmemories21 @tellmegoodbye @sugdenlovesdingle

(if you want tagged to be notified of future fic stull lemme know)

[tinyluminaryzombie]

The Math Problem of TK Strand

...My first foray into writing Lone Star fic! A short missing scene in 1x08 :).

Carlos is a logical man.

He’s methodical in how he cooks, how he works out, how he clears a scene. The incessant need to organize chaos is his birthright.

So, he never dived off cliffs or yelled at his parents or chased after a man. Because Carlos Reyes was logical.  

At least, he was. Until green eyes, soft skin, and a rough heart ruined his track record. But there’s a consequence to everything, that had never been clearer. When Carlos screws up, people hurt. 

Protocol had failed him. Two hours ago, Carlos had cleared the scene. His lieutenant had even double-checked before letting the 126 in. But it wasn’t enough. Carlos wasn’t enough. Now, TK was lying unconscious in a god-damn hospital bed a few hundred feet from him. Because of him. 

After his shift ended, Carlos rushed to the hospital. He furiously grabbed his bag and ran to the Camaro. TK, TK, TK, his mind screamed. His hands shook on the wheel, fear bubbling through red lights, stop signs, and crosswalks. TK, TK, TK. He parked his car, never turning back to ensure he was inside the lines. TK, TK, TK. 

Running into the waiting room, Carlos’s thoughts veered dangerously toward internal declarations of love. He stopped short, trading one spiral for another. No one knew except Paul. He was a stranger to the 126. Carlos’s presence might just be a reminder of the scene he failed to clear. No one wanted him here. 

“Hey, man,” Paul’s voice brought him back. Carlos looked around the room, finding questioning looks as Paul pulled him into a hug. 

“I didn’t think…I don’t want to intrude…” Carlos whispers. 

“Carlos. You’re one of us,” Paul said, bringing Carlos to a seat. 

Judd broke the silence. “Thanks for coming Carlos. I’m sure TK will appreciate it.” 

Carlos offered a weak smile. 

Would TK really appreciate it? Would TK blame him? And is what TK wants, Carlos's arms melting into a pleather chair, making small talk with his teammates? Is this casual? Is this cool? Is this logical? 

Carlos heard a ragged breath before a hand rested on his shoulder. “Breathe, Carlos. That’s it. TK being here, that’s not your fault. We’ll get through this together.”

[honeybee-taskforce]

WIP Wednesday 🐝

thanks for the tags @paperstorm @sznofthesticks @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom and @alrightbuckaroo !!

The man’s hands are soft but firm and TK wants nothing more than to explore them all over his body. Public setting be damned, he needs some sort of relief after the intense week he’s had. The frustrating thing is that the man who asked him to dance doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact, and so they spend what feels like eternity with TK pressed against the brick wall of the bar, ass grinding between wall and the man’s thigh. Their lips are locked and if he really took a moment to reflect he would know that the whimper he just heard probably came from him. But he doesn’t want to think about that so he pulls away and grips the man’s face between his hands. 

“I’m TK.” He gets out after a catch up breath. 

The man stops himself from diving back in and it gives TK a moment to admire the plump lips and chocolatey eyes that pierce his entire person. There is a toothy grin that accompanies that handsome face when he replies, “Hi TK. I’m Carlos.” 

“Nice to meet- ah!” TK tries to continue before Carlos attaches himself to TK’s neck. He loses himself to the sensation and knows there will be a bruise tomorrow. That’ll be fun to explain to Nancy. “Nice to meet you.” 

Carlos removes and pulls himself back after another beat, propping one hand on the wall and leaning into TK’s space. “Nice to meet you too. For the second time.” 

TK smiles and looks down at Carlos’ chest. Holy shit. If asked he wouldn’t have said that their first meeting was on the job, but if that’s the story Carlos wants to go with then that is the lead he will follow. “I don’t know if that counts, since I was being professional on the job and all. I didn’t even get your name then.”

Carlos’ eyes pierce TK like before but this time he can see a bit of yearning in them. Like there wasn’t an expectation for a real conversation to happen. “You don’t flirt with all of your patient’s teachers?” 

“Only the pretty ones.” TK laughs, squeezing Carlos’ thigh. 

Those eyes roam over his face and down his neck. TK can already feel their mutual interest rubbing together when he pushes his hips forward a little, but he doesn’t say anything else. He was the one who took Carlos’ hand and led them out here, sure, but he doesn’t want to ruin anything. The night’s gone so well already. 

Carlos’ lips open and his eyes shine for a moment, right when his pocket buzzes between their legs. 

It changes the mood entirely and TK feels himself being placed securely against the wall before Carlos is pulling out a phone. He skims through whatever message he just got and his brow furrows. 

TK wants to scream into the sky in sexual frustration. 

“I’m so sorry-“ 

“If you need to-“ 

They both pause. Carlos continues, “I have to take this. It’s an emergency.” 

Well, fuck, now TK feels bad. 

No pressure tags to @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @heartstringsduet and @whatsintheboxmh !! Plus open to whoever :]

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Remember when I was doing flufftober? When that was a thing? That's still a thing... I just got a little bit (or a lot) behind on schedule.

So here is Tarlos @flufftober day 10: love of my life

Only a month and a bit late! I still plan on finishing all 31 fics - eventually (at least before the end of the year - hopefully.

The washing machine chronicles (AO3)

Owen's washing machine floods his house and he ends up crashing at the tarloft.

---

“I just walked through the door downstairs, I’m waiting for the elevator now.” Carlos told TK who had, for some reason, called him to ask where he was when he knew exactly what time his shift ended and what time that meant he would be home. “Which just got here. Why?”

“No reason. Just missed you today.”

It was their five month wedding anniversary and even though they’d both scheduled the day off so they could celebrate together, a 6AM phone call that morning had ruined their plans.

Carlos’ sergeant had apologised but explained that with several of his co-workers either sick or injured, they really needed him. So he had reluctantly rolled out of bed, put his uniform on, and kissed TK goodbye with a promise to call at lunch.

He suppressed a yawn as the elevator door opened and he stepped out into the hallway and made his way to their door.

Only before he could even think of opening it, the door opened and TK stepped out, sliding it  closed behind himself.

“Hey baby. How was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?” He slid his arms around Carlos’ waist and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Uh… no not really... Mostly got caught up on paperwork this afternoon. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Can’t I just greet the love of my life when he finally gets home from a hard day’s work?”

Carlos frowned.

“Why do you sound like a 1950s housewife? Are you going to fetch my pipe and slippers next?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just happy to see my husband.”

“You saw me this morning. You know, when we woke up in the same bed. Like every morning.”

“Well… not every morning.” TK argued. “When we’re on opposing schedules sometimes we barely see each other, let alone sleep in the same bed.”

“TK.”

“Yes.”

“What are you hiding in our apartment? Please don’t tell me you lost Lou again.”

“No, no I know exactly where Lou is.”

“Is he in our bed again? You let him sleep on my pillow again, didn’t you?” Carlos sighed.

“No, no, I promise Lou is not in our bed and your pillow is 100% lizard free.”

“Ok then what’s going on? What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did anything?” TK replied, mildly offended, and Carlos just raised an eyebrow at him. “Fine.” He sighed. “Promise me you won’t get angry.”

“You’re making me nervous. What happened?”

“Nothing bad. Well… not to us.”

“TK…”

“I know we had a whole night planned and you were probably looking forward to it, and I was too but I couldn’t just do nothing.”

“Ok…”

“My dad’s house flooded.”

“Flooded?”

“The washing machine… flooded half the house. I’m not sure what happened exactly.” TK told him. “But the house is basically unfit to live in for the next few days.”

“Ok… I feel like I’m still missing some information here.”

“Dad texted me earlier to tell me he was going to a hotel and that he’d see me at work tomorrow. So I called him to ask what was going on, and he explained the washing machine disaster.” TK explained. “And I kind of offered him to come stay with us until they’ve dried out the house. I know I should have discussed it with you first but you were at work and I didn’t want dad to go to a hotel and…”

“TK. Take a breath.” Carlos interrupted him and leaned in for a kiss. “It’s fine. Your dad is always welcome at our place. Did you really think I was going to get angry over this?”

“No… but I know you were probably looking forward to some quiet time together tonight after our plans for today fell through.”

Carlos shrugged.

“We have the rest of our lives to enjoy being married to each other, I think we’ll survive having your dad stay with us for a few days.”    

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Of course. It’s not what I had in mind for today, but it’s fine. It’s not like the rest of the day has gone according to plan anyway.”

TK gave him a commiserating look.

“I know. But we’ll make up for it next month. And for our one year anniversary we’re going to Tuscany. For at least two weeks.”

“Really? Do you think you can live without seeing your lizard baby that long?” Carlos teased and TK rolled his eyes.

“Dad and Mateo can look after him. And we can facetime.” He replied. “And he’s our lizard baby. Don’t think you can get out of your parental duties, officer Reyes.” He poked Carlos’ chest for emphasis.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. I promise to uphold my duties as a lizard parent.” Carlos said as if he was swearing on a bible in court.

“Just as long as you don’t have to touch or feed him, right?”

“I fed him last week!”

“You dropped a cricket in front of his little cave and told him to deal.”

“Well he did, didn’t he? It’s good to teach kids independence. You baby him.” Carlos said, trying very hard not to laugh. They’d had the same mock argument many a time before and it usually ended in fits of giggles.

“I love him. You’re still scared of him.” TK argued. “And don’t try to deny it. I’m married to a cop, I know all kinds of ways to make you admit the truth.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“I’m not going to share my tactics with you.”

Carlos laughed and in a split second he spun TK around, back to his chest, and pinning his arms to his sides like he was subduing an unruly suspect.

“What was that about sharing tactics?” he said teasingly and dropped a kiss in TK’s neck.

“You using your police training on me is not fair.” TK complained but made no effort to try and get out of Carlos’ grip.

“Really now?”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t use it on innocent civilians.”

“Good thing there are none of those around, then.” Carlos teased.

TK made a sound that was something between a laugh and an indignant huff.

“You’re mean today. Work makes you mean.”

“Unexpected work does.” Carlos corrected him. “Because sometimes when you plan a day of celebrating your wedding anniversary with your very sexy husband… you get called into work to catch up on paperwork, and then when you get home, your father in law is there.”

“I know…” TK sighed, leaning back against Carlos’ chest when he loosened his grip and just wrapped his arms around his waist instead, resting his chin on his shoulder. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Hmm… I’ll look forward to it.”

Suddenly the door to the loft slid open and Owen appeared in the doorway, killing their moment.

“Oh. Sorry to interrupt guys, but I was going to order food. I’m thinking pizza. After the day I’ve had, I need carbs. And cheese.” He announced. “Oh and hi Carlos, welcome home. Sorry to crash your night.”

“It’s fine. You’re always welcome here.”

“Mi casa es su casa, right?” Owen said, seemingly thrilled over using a Spanish phrase in front of Carlos.

“Yeah, something like that.” Carlos smiled before letting go of TK and following them into the house.

After checking Lou was indeed where he should be, and telling TK to just go ahead and order for both of them, Carlos had a quick shower and changed into something more comfortable than his uniform.

He was tired and decided to take out his contacts and wear his glasses instead. In part because he knew TK liked it when he did, but also because he didn’t want to risk falling asleep wearing them again and waking up with sore eyes.

“Hey babe, pizza will be here soon. I ordered the veggie for you and the four cheese for me.” TK greeted him when he walked out of the bedroom.

Carlos nodded.

“Because you couldn’t decide which one you wanted and this way you can have some of both?”

“The perks of having a husband.” TK joked. “Well, one of them.” He added with a wink.

A little while later, the food was delivered and the three of them settled on the sofa for a night in front of the TV.

TK was in charge of the remote, which suited Carlos just fine. It meant he could relax and snuggle up to him while enjoying his food, while TK flicked through the channels roughly twelve times before eventually settling on a sitcom rerun that didn’t require much brainpower to understand.

“For god’s sake TK will you just pick something already?” Owen snapped after TK’s third or fourth round through all of the channels.

“I’m trying! There is nothing.”

“Just leave it at this then. CSI. Everybody likes that.”

“Oh no. No crime shows in this house. This one will keep picking it apart and complain about how they’re doing it wrong.” TK said, nodding at Carlos who just shrugged.

“That’s because they always do.” He argued. “And you’re one to talk. When Louisa mentioned she liked that hospital show, you spent an hour explaining to her all the medical details they got wrong, based on one episode you’d seen.”

“That one episode was really bad!” TK protested and looked at his dad for support but Owen was just looking at them with a wistful smile on his face. “What?”

“You know your mom used to do that too with courtroom scenes in tv shows. She probably still does. God help Enzo if he likes courtroom dramas.” He said with a chuckle. “On one of our first dates we went to see a movie that was popular back then. I don’t even remember what it was… but one of the characters was a lawyer and there were various courtroom scenes and talk about legal stuff.” He smiled. “She ranted about everything that was wrong with those scenes the entire rest of the night. I wanted to get to know her better but she was too busy talking about procedures and how you’re supposed to behave in court. In the end I just kissed her so she would stop talking.”

“Always an effective method.” Carlos commented, grinning at TK.

“I think that’s when I fell in love with her for real. Someone who could get so passionate about legal jargon when she was only a few years out of law school herself. She always had that spark.” Owen said and sighed. “She’s the love of my life. We’re just… too much alike.” He settled on. “Two workaholics together… just doesn’t work.”

“I’m sorry Owen.” Carlos told him.

“No, no, don’t be ridiculous. We had some good years together and something amazing to remind us of that.” He nodded at TK.

“Wait, I’m a something now?”

“Yeah.” Carlos agreed, ignoring TK’s comment. “That is pretty amazing.”

The rest of the night, Owen spent sharing stories about the early days of his and Gwyn’s relationship, as well as some of TK’s childhood.

And even though he loved hearing about little TK, Carlos was ridiculously comfortable in his husband’s arms, and with a full stomach, he was struggling to keep his eyes open.

“Babe, just go to bed if you’re tired.” TK ran a hand through his hair. “You’ve had a long day.”

“I’m fine.” Carlos mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning into TK’s touch.

“You’re falling asleep on me.” TK argued and Carlos was vaguely aware of him turning off the TV. “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m tired too. I’ll go get you a pillow and a blanket, dad.”

Carlos made himself get up and go brush his teeth while TK helped Owen get set up on the sofa. After he was done he was tempted to just slip into bed and go to sleep but he figured it would be rude not to at least say a quick goodnight.

“You know where everything is…” TK trailed off, smiling when Carlos hugged him from behind and sleepily told him to come to bed. “Just help yourself if you want anything.”

“I’m good. Good night guys.” Owen said, fluffing up his pillow. “Just pretend I’m not here. Do what you always do. I’ve got earplugs.” He held up the items. “Buttercup snores.”

TK rolled his eyes.

“Good night dad.”

“Good night Owen.” Carlos said and gently pulled TK into the bedroom and closed the doors behind them.

He got into bed and got comfortable under the covers while TK plugged in his phone and turned off the lights.

“Good night babe.” He mumbled when he felt the mattress dip beside him and TK wrapping his arms around him.

“Hmm yeah it could be.” TK pressed closer to Carlos, peppering kisses over his neck and chest while playing with the waistband of his sweats.

“What are you doing? TK, no.” Carlos bat his hands away. Suddenly he was wide awake.

“Why not? It’s our anniversary.”

“I know. But your dad is right there outside this door.”

“So? You heard him, he has earplugs.” TK’s hands slipped back under Carlos’ sleep shirt.

“TK, don’t.” Carlos pushed his hands away again and moved away from him as far as their mattress allowed him to. “It feels wrong. Disrespectful.”

“Disrespectful?” TK repeated. “Are you for real? He’s a guest in our house.”

“Exactly!” Carlos hissed. “I love you but I just can’t do this now. Not with your dad 10 feet away.”

“I think it’s a little more than 10 feet.” TK muttered, clearly unhappy with the situation.

“I’ll call Ana tomorrow. Diego will know a guy to help with your dad’s house. And washing machine.” Carlos promised, taking TK’s hand and rubbing his thumb over his wedding band. “Between my mom and Diego, I don’t think there’s anyone left in Austin they don’t know. We’ll fix it.”

TK huffed and rolled onto his back.

“Cockblocked by a washing machine.”

The next morning when Carlos woke up, TK had already gotten up. He took a few minutes to psych himself up, grateful for the late start his captain had offered him, and went in search of his husband.

He found TK and Owen sitting at the dining table, both cradling a mug and looking serious. When TK noticed him, his expression changed into a soft smile.

“Morning baby.” He tilted his head up for a kiss and Carlos was more than happy to oblige. “I was just telling dad about the arrangements we made.”

“Arrangements?”

“Yeah, with your parents.”

“Look, guys, if I’m getting in your way, I’ll just go to a hotel for a few days.” Owen told them. “My shift starts in an hour so I have to get going soon but I’ll find somewhere to stay for tonight. It’s fine.”

“Nonsense.” Carlos said immediately. “You’re always welcome here.”

“We just thought you’d be more comfortable staying with Gabriel and Andrea. They have actual spare rooms. With actual beds. Our sofa is comfy, but not that comfy.” TK added.

“I slept fine last night.” Owen argued. “This sofa beats the firehouse bunks any day.”

“I already talked to Andrea. She’s expecting you after your shift tonight.” TK told him, getting up from the table, handing him his bag and steering him to the door. “And Carlos will call Ana’s husband to work something out for the house, and you’ll be back in your own bed in no time.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Owen said, amused.

“Of course not. Bye dad. We’ll let you know when we’ve figured something out for the house.” TK pushed him out the door and quickly closed it behind him before turning to Carlos. “When does your shift start?”

“Not until noon. Kendrick gave me a half shift to make up for calling me in yesterday.”

“Ok. Noon. I can work with that.” TK glanced at the clock and walked into their bedroom.

“I can work with that?” Carlos snorted. “And they say romance is dead.” He followed TK into the bedroom and saw him sitting down on Carlos’ side of the bed, his phone in hand. “Babe? What are you doing?”

TK held up a hand to signal to him to keep quiet.

“Hi, this is TK Reyes, Carlos Reyes’ husband. I just wanted to let you know he’s not coming in today. He’s got food poisoning. It’s not pretty. We think it was last night’s sushi.” He paused to listen to the other person’s reply. “Yeah that’s right, 363H20. Sergeant Kendrick, yes.” Another pause. “Alright thank you very much. Yeah I’ll tell him. Bye.” TK hung up and threw Carlos’ phone back on the nightstand. “Looks like you just got the day off.”

“Did you just fake me being sick?”

TK shrugged.

“Why not? It’s no big deal. You’ll just have miraculously recovered by tomorrow.”

Carlos shook his head in disbelief.

“You just lied to a police officer.”

“They can’t prove anything.” TK said, pulling Carlos down onto the bed with him, pushing him onto his back and slinging a leg over his while slipping a hand around his waist under his shirt. “I just want my husband to myself for one day so we can celebrate our wedding anniversary in style.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Carlos’ lips before moving to his neck. “The city of Austin can just deal.”

“And what do I tell people when I show up for work tomorrow and everything is fine?”

“Just tell them... You spent the whole day in bed and that thanks to your loving paramedic husband, you're feeling much better.” TK grinned and kissed him again. “And I know you hate lying so we better make sure it's the truth.”

[daniwib]

Fic Writing Review 2023

Words and fics

• 281,412 words published to ao3

• approx. 150,000 more unpublished (unfinished WIP’s)

• 2 fandoms (911 & 911 Lonestar)

• Most recent drop: Night at the (Wax) Museum – an utterly cursed piece of work that is virtually unreadable. Seriously. I dare you to try. I wrote this for a guess-the-writer event and made it so unrecognisable as my own work that virtually no one read it at all. It’s a fun story and I hope that more people will read the grammatically correct version that I’ll be posting hopefully today.  

• Longest fic in 2023: empty, broken, lonely, hoping at 44k (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down) This is one of my favourites this year.

Top 2023 fics by kudos

• empty, broken, lonely, hoping (Buck and Christopher are presumed dead when Buck’s building burns down). I really like this one and am quite proud of it. One of my favourites I’ve written this year.

• Losing Hope (Buck gets pregnant right before the lawsuit but loses the baby). Huh. This surprised me. I never thought I’d write mpreg or lawsuit fic OR that it would be one of my highest kudos’d fic this year. How bizarre!

Upcoming events and projects for 2024

Gah this is scary, I have so many.

Reluctant Werewolf crack – I really need to sit down and finish the last chapter of this. It’s about half done.

Coronation crack – likewise. I got blocked when RWRB was released and featured a polo scene very similar to what I was planning for Buddie in England and haven’t been able to get back to it since. I think I’ll scrap that chapter and just finish it off. I loathe having unfinished wip’s partly posted, it does my head in.

Big werewolf AU – featuring all my favourite tropes of kidnapped Buck, worried Eddie, Buck whump and Eddie whump too. I started it in January 2023. It’s fully plotted and maybe 2/3’s written at around 70k.

Navy Seal Buck – there’s something so fun about secretly bamf! Buck going all out to protect his firefam. He gets whumped during the course of, naturally. Again, started in January 2023, fully plotted and is maybe half done at about 50k-ish.

Angsty Buckley family drama set around the Madney wedding aka the one that will make you all weep. Fully plotted, partly begun.

Kidnapped TK – this one is so big and complex that I’m thinking of turning it into a novel some day. Fully plotted and partially written.

Eddie porn reviewer. Plotted only.

Buck sex worker. Plotted, partially written.

Carla romance novelist gets Buddie together. Plotted, partially written.

Plus the other 90+ ideas in my Ideas folder!

I’m unlikely to get much done before Christmas, too busy with family stuff and am recovering from having to have an emergency appendectomy while also having Influenza A this week. It’s been… rough.

Same for January as hubby and I are going on the first holiday alone together since having kids – Tasmania here we come! I am very glad my surgery didn’t ruin that.

Thank you for the tag @sherlockcrossing  

No pressure tagging: @daughterofscotland  @rogerzsteven @cal-daisies-and-briars @ronordmann and anyone else who wants to share!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

[bibuckagenda]

Bridgerton season 3 episode 4 rant following:

Oh pen Colin is your soulmate it’s okay he’s getting there I swear

Spill your secrets Colin bridgerton

What kind of midseason hellish cliffhanger are we gonna have

Ben wants to fuck and he GETS to fuck

You read me too well love them

Yes quiet man kilmartin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wondering if they would set this up so sterling can happen

Colin put the pining away and get your girl because she is charming debling right now

He says and if I left you behind what would you do

Practical???? Practical???? SHE DESERVES LOVE

Pen no I’m gonna fucking screa

COLIN BRIDGERTON

Sequence where he can only think of pen when

Paying for it my dear boy girl kissing

Aaahhh Fran is so flustered I love them stop it

He’s stunned oh no baby girl Fran

Nuanced Cressida

Gross locker talk

He really said fuck you

Oh no is he going to ask did he already ask I’m gonna vomit

Portia I need you to actually be a mother for exactly 1 minutes

Love she could want love Portia I hate you with all my being

Colin you need to do some ruining like compromise your girl

Omg Violet yes tell him TELL HIM LET HIM PREVENT IT

Ballet baby

What is in her hair and how did she do that

Perhaps the play will inspire my lovers

He wrote on her card you guys oh no Colin where ARE YOU

Garden watered

Slow burn get this man to talk to Colin too

Second act you two should fuck

Ah Ben still wants to fuck

Cressida and Eloise kiss wait what

COLIN

Aaaah tell him not to mess with dear Violet oh my god

Kilmartin got rizz

Yea comin go GET HER

Oop rejected

Oh he’s putting it together across the street omg

Chase after her pleas Colin omg

No poor baby girl

Carriage carriage CARRIAGE

Oh Fran is giddy

I’m about to go out of the window if I don’t see Polin kiss one more time before the mid season finale

Omg confession please I’m gonna sob

Omg

Omg

ONG

Omg

Kiss now

Kiss please

YEA YES YEA EYSHAKZJHSHAHSHDHHDXJDJDJDJDJDJDHDHDHDJDJDJDJFJFJFJFJFJJDJDHFHSJSSJJSJDJDJDJDJDJDJDDJDJDJJDJDKDKDKDKDKDKDKFKFKFKFKKCFKKFKDKDKDKFKFKFKDJDHSHSHSHSHSBXBXHHXBXBXBJDIALAJSVSVEJEHXUDH

Oh the way he looks at her I’m blushing FUCK

Shoulder!!!! OH FUCK ME NO FUCK EACHOTHER IM GASPING

Gnawing at the bars to my cage please dear lord

He waited for consent I’m gonna leave the planet

OH

OH UH

Laughing cute in love kissing babies MARRY ME

Say it

OH

AAAHAHAHAHAHAH IM GONNA BARF BO I HAVE TK WAIT SO KONG BOOKII

NO THE OREVIEW RETURN OF ANTAGONISTS EL

[endlesstwanted]

Winter Wonderland Bingo masterpost

Winter is over and so is @seasonaldelightsbingo’s winter wonderland!

I got two cards and managed to fill fourteen squares, mostly in MCU fandoms but also for other Marvel projects, two series and a crossover with two of my fav European films. It was a blast, and even though I didn’t get to finish every WIP I started, I’m excited to keep working on them later on. ❄️🩵

All info, ratings and pairings are below the cut and titles are linked to my Ao3. The 3x3 card will come first, the 5x5 last.

We Stayed Halfway

❄️ Being taken care of

Fandom: Captain America Movies Steve Rogers/Brock Rumlow | Explicit | 2,2k words WARNINGS: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Porn Without Plot Summary: After being exposed to an unknown toxin in a SHIELD’s laboratory, Brock and Steve deal with the effects of it in the Captain’s office.

I’m Not Going To Say Goodbye So I Don’t Have To Go

❄️ Peppering kisses all over their face ❄️ Covered in blankets ❄️ Playing with their hair

Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV) Carlos Reyes/TK Strand | T | 2,039 words WARNINGS: Post-Episode: s02e12 The Big Heat, Trauma, Angst Summary: After their night gets ruined by a home in flames, Carlos and TK go to the Strand’s house.

Two Trains And Cold Coffee

❄️ Simply enjoying each other's company

Fandom: Deux Moi (2019), Verdens Verste Menneskee (2021) Julie/Mélanie Brunet | Teen | 200 words Summary: A quiet morning with Mélanie and Julie.

Ten Revolutions Around The Sun Later

❄️ Pressing Forehead Together

Fandom: The Avengers Movies Bruce Banner/James Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark | T | 500 words WARNINGS: Flashbacks, Temporary Amnesia, Implied past Torture and s/h Summary: Bucky’s flashbacks are triggered by the snow. Bruce and Tony are there to help him get back to his own self.

Pros and Cons of Being Hawkeye

❄️ “I’ll be with you from dusk till dawn.” ❄️ Unsteady || X Ambassadors

Fandom: Hawkeye (Comics) Clint Barton & Kate Bishop | Teen | Modboard Summary: A moodboard made by endlesstwanted (and Kate - Hawkeye!) Tumblr link

Broken Oath

❄️ “I’m fine.”

Fandom: Black Widow Movie Yelena Belova/Natasha Romanov | Mature | 742 words WARNINGS: Red Room shit, Angst, Implied past non-con (not between the pairing and not in the fic) Summary: Yelena turns fifteen, and Natalia has to prepare her for the real world. At least, according to what the Red Room thinks a woman needs to work with for them to take over the world.

Boyfriend’s Spider-Sense

❄️ The Most Beautiful [insert] That They've Ever Seen

Fandom: Spider-Man: Spider-Verse (Sony Animated Movies) Hobie Brown/Miles Morales | Teen | 683 words Summary: Miles pays Hobie a visit when he feels he’s not feeling alright.

Chasing Some Warmth

❄️ Being the Little Spoon for the First Time

Fandom: The Avengers Movies Bucky Barnes/Clint Barton/Sam Wilson | Explicit | 795 words WARNINGS: Casual Sex, Porn Without Plot, Established Clint/Sam Summary: The nights at Barton’s farm are very cold since the generator broke down. Bucky’s interested in learning what Clint and Sam do in these cases.

I Can’t Like That

❄️ “I’d rather it be me than you.”

Fandom: Chicago Fire Joe Cruz & Brian "Otis" Zvonecek | Teen | 569 words WARNINGS: Hurt No Comfort, Implied Canon Character Death, Episode: s08e01 Sacred Ground Summary: Joe waits, helpless, for his best friend to leave.

The Good Win Over The Bad

❄️ Wishing on a Penny

Fandom: Captain America Movies Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers | Teen | 100 words Summary: Ten years after graduating from high-school, Bucky reunites with the one that got away from him. At least, if staring at Steve for half an hour counts as a reunion.

Great Things For Kind Hearts

❄️ tis the damn season || Taylor Swift

Fandom: The Avengers Movies Bucky Barnes/Tony Stark | Gen | 100 words Summary: Tony reflects on how his life changed after meeting Bucky.

Someone Like You And Me

❄️ Forced to quit

Fandom: Thor Movies Jane Foster & Sif | Teen | 581 words WARNINGS: Canon Sick Character Summary: In New Asgard’s hospital, Jane reunites with an old friend.

Our Fake Love Story

❄️ Can’t Tell a Soul

Fandom: What If...? (Cartoon 2021) Carol Danvers & Darcy Lewis | Teen | 100 words Summary: Carol shares with Darcy the only thing they can do to stop her wedding with Howard to become legal. Darcy has her doubts.

So Pretty, Hanging

❄️ Hanging from the Ceiling

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Bucky Barnes/Sharon Carter | Mature | 100 words Summary: When her dom shows up with a new toy to try, Sharon has her reservations. Luckily, she has also thought of something fun to do while being tied up and taken care of.

[dearweirdme]

“I think you need to understand that IF Tk split up, it will not make jikook real. “

honestly, anon, I think this was the main reason people assumed you were a jkker. Like, it’s fine to think they’ve broken up and believe what you want. I agree there’s echo chambers in all sides of fandom (tho I think depending where you are, jm is even magnified due to insecurity in tkk spaces so his appearances with jk (but never Tae…) are remembered more clearly than any other of the other members) but the concerns immediately became suspicious as a posing jkker when you said jk dedicated so many lives to him and particularly when you said they went on a trip together.

Because what does that have to do with taekook? Insecure tkkers will see it and get defensive. The rest will see it and kind of go, yes and? (And then assume you’re a jkker and, unfortunately, laugh at you for presenting this as evidence against taekook). Jk and Jm were both in NY for what appears to be work and took the time to hang out. I wouldn’t frame it as taking a vacation with another man. They are friends, they were in the same place, their schedules aligned. I love they got to hang out. JK also went to Busan with the 97 liners but that’s apparently not suspicious for tkk breaking up. So why mention the trip with jm? JK supported Jm in his lives but he’s praised jm frequently in the past, quite profusely. He admires jm and is friends with him. None of that is strange to me.

And him not posting online for Tae is give or take odd given his only socials are twitter (shared BTS), Weverse, and TikTok. I don’t doubt he supported him offline but a Weverse post would be for the fans more than Tae and I don’t care enough about TikTok to know what him liking a video would mean. He hasn’t had a long enough live to just hang out (since layover dropped, he came on after gcf and once on his birthday—where he did listen to Christmas tree as he showed us a card trick. He also said he’d just had practice and slept only 5 hours) so we can’t really assume he wouldn’t watch suchwita or Tae’s MVs with us. He could also have been told to do fewer lives. He could be doing it less to maintain the air of mystery. He could be doing it less because he and Tae are both super busy and so they’re spending free time together or resting and not with us. Maybe he’s with jm hanging out! All we have is speculation and assumptions and mine isn’t it’s because of a break up. I can’t imagine Tae being so happy if a possibly years long relationship just broke off and you had to stay together as friends or ruin the band. I can’t imagine jk breaking up with tae right before his album comes out and he has to go through all the promotion.

Either way, JK supporting or hanging out with Jm should have nothing to do with break up rumors because tkk breaking up or not being together doesn’t make jkk real. The ones who usually push the jk supports jm more than Tae narrative are jkkers looking to prove taekook is fake. That’s why people assumed you were a jkker pretending.

Sorry this got long. You just seemed surprised why we would assume you were a jkker and this, at least, is my explanation.

Hi anon!

I think anon maybe just wonders why Jk can do those things for Jimin but not Tae. They wonder if this means Tae and Jk broke up and that’s why Jk hasn’t mentioned Tae probably. And that would be a possible response to a breakup.. the not posting part, not the Jimin part. But to me there’s been nothing in Tae’s behavior pointing to a recent breakup. He’s been happy, genuinely. Talking about Jk in a normal, loving way. So imo that doesn’t fit.

And yes, normally the Jkk-Tkk comparison does come from Jkkrs.

[flytohurt]

Hi, sorry if this is a weird question or you've answered it before, but what do you think about all the stuff with Darby and Hawlee? I like Darby but people bring it up all the time and I never know what to think.

i’m sorry this took 400 years to answer. i’ve been trying to find a way to answer it that won’t just cause an eruption of hate in my inbox but honestly it’s gonna happen regardless so whatever lmao

the short version is i think it was a bad relationship that she used for extortion. i’ll explain why under the cut if you’re interested. i know myself & some of my mutuals left twitter to get away from this subject, so this is probably the only time i’ll be responding publicly about it.

to put the extortion claim in context, they trained together & he immediately got booked for bigger indie promotions. by the time she first came out with her claims, he was already signed with AEW & had been on PPV. when she named him over a year later, he was coming off his first championship run & starting to get momentum with Sting. she still hasn’t gotten anywhere in her career, & i think it’s pretty reasonable to say it would hurt to see someone you started out with being so successful if you’re not the kind of person to use that as motivation to better yourself.

Darby also has no known pattern of abuse, there’s no corroboration to her story from anyone who was close with them (not even a vague “yeah i remember how horrible he was to you”), & he was cleared in the internal investigation by TK. the industry as a whole has started taking allegations like that far more seriously post-Benoit so i really don’t believe they would have cleared him if there was any doubt. a still-up-&-coming company can’t afford a hit like that.

this is just speculation but if he really was cleared by text messages or DMs like some have reported, then it’s within reason that she was trying to get him to help her get a push somewhere, & if he said no, probably said she’d retaliate, ruin his career, etc.

on to the SA bit. i would like to be very clear that i am not saying she was outright lying - i wasn’t there & didn’t have any connections to him at the time to know 100% for sure.

however, it’s completely valid to not want to be with someone whose sexual desires don’t line up with yours. Darby is very likely demisexual. he’s been open & forthcoming about needing to really be in love before wanting to have sex, & otherwise it’s not on his radar. that doesn’t really check the box of a sexually violent individual.

i also know from personal experience that what may be interpreted as coercion can be incorrect when you’re emotionally fucked up, & disconnected from your partner. your own mind/body can be just as disconnected & one will be trying to tell you what you may not be consciously aware of yet.

of course this is only my experience but my ex & i had nearly an identical relationship to what she described. he would scream & hit/break things, serial cheated on me, & took out his own frustrations on me. we’d have fights that escalated to physicality on occasion, & i became emotionally abusive back to him as a result of all of that. i would disassociate, shut down completely, & not speak to him for fear of instigating a fight. he would threaten to leave me because we weren’t having sex, would even be physically aggressive about it, but it wasn’t actually about sex.

after well over 5 years of reflection & even talking to him about it recently, he was really just desperate for affection & he considered intimacy to be sexual. my body reacted negatively to him & i misinterpreted what was happening, because my definition of intimacy was different. i no longer wanted physical intimacy because there was no real connection in our relationship anymore. we just didn’t know how to not be together & kept digging ourselves deeper into the hole with the on again/off again pattern instead of just accepting it & finding partners who actually aligned with us.

i don’t like PK but i do think she was right in her response. people change & grow from their mistakes. being the person who was married to him at the time all this came out means she’s the one who’d know him best at this current point of his life. & that’s all that matters in my book.

[paperstorm]

I know I'll be in the minority, but I think this story arc is pretty good. Carlos had a past before TK and they can't possibly have covered everything in their 2+ years together. There are things that TK is uncomfortable sharing from his past so why shouldn't the same be said for Carlos? Is it so hard to imagine Carlos barely more than a teenager feeling so lost and unaccepted that he seeks comfort in the one person he feels like he can trust? That he makes a desperate decision in the hopes of being "normal" enough for his family to accept him?

I think the secret works and I think Tim deserves more credit than he's getting. These are complex characters in a drama series so I'm not sure exactly what people were expecting...

I can’t speak for anyone else but my issue is not with the plot itself. It makes perfect sense to me why an 18 or 19 year old Carlos, lost and confused and so heartbroken that he’s let his parents down, would do this. It even makes sense to me why he wouldn’t tell TK for all this time, even tho I don’t like it and I wish he had because TK has always been so honest and he doesn’t deserve to be looking at spending the rest of his life with someone who lies to him. I can make it all make sense, character wise, even if it’s not my favorite thing they’ve ever done.

My problem is that this was clearly not actually planned out from the beginning. It was an idea that they never ended up exploring, and that immediately puts dozens of plot holes and canon inconsistencies into the past three seasons (why did carlos and Michelle never talk about this? Why was Carlos allowed to participate in the investigation into her disappearance when he was legally her husband? If Andrea and Gabriel thought TK knew all along, how has this never come up by accident? Iris didn’t present with schizophrenia until after she came back, but she had a boyfriend before she disappeared so there is a stretch of years where she wasn’t with Carlos anymore but didn’t need his insurance yet, so why didn’t they divorce at that point?? Etc etc etc). Flawed characters I am always on board for. Lazy writing and inconsistent plots I find much more unforgivable lol. It’s not gonna ruin my personal love of the show. I just thought the writers were better than this and that’s annoying.

[lonestarbabe]

- you must be your mother’s prize... some boys don’t let their mothers down

-Carlos I don’t know if that’s the move, but I guess you got to shoot your shot

-Trudie let’s not ruin this friendship okay

-The classic you just missed him

-Trudie be a pal to the gays

-I’m not convinced Darryl was ever a sweet boy actually

-Trudie you should blame yourself for a lot of things but not your son being a serial killer... that one’s on him

-Trudie did her best... she really tried to make the wedding happen

-Okay but why did Gabriel be like I’m going to bring TK in with me to a crime that’s active like not smart actually and a bad move but also we needed to see Tarlos together so I get it

[spiralemoji]

Am i off my head?

I dont know whats wrong with me lately

Jesus Christ, total psycho…

Blah blah blah blah i literally don’t care, um

Guess I’m going to work in a radiology….

I’m so depressed because i found the best stuff for my stupid store and someone tried to cock block me

I need, to get that stuff.

I’m so mad. Like, you don’t understand it’s so stupid but its the fact it was taken away from me that matters

And i need to take pictures of the brand / manufacturer angry emoji

I took an Ativan so hopefully I’ll chill out and then maybe i can somehow sneak off to the store and everything will still be there???

I remember the items… i just DONT REMEMBER THE BRAND AND ITS IMPORTANT

BECAUSE IT FIT REALLY WELL AND IT WAS NICE MATERIAL AND ITS EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR

AND THEN I’M LIKE OH WELL GUESS I’LL INVENT SOMETHING NEW

BUT LIKE, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT AND YOU RUINED IT SO YEAH AND THAT TOOK ME LIKE FIVE HOURS

AND I WAS GOING TO HAVE SO MANY HEAD BANDS

ANYWAYS AHHHHHHHHH I JUST NEED A SOURCING AI TO GIVE ME WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO SEARCH FOR IT FOR SEVEN HOURS AGAIN PLEASE LORD JESUS HELP ME AND THEN IT COMES IN THE MAIL AND ITS NOT THE EXACT SAME AND ITS NOT THE EXACT SAME PRICE

I JUST WANT TO GO TO TJ MAX

AND THEN I WANT TO GO TO TK MAX

AND HANG OUT WITH JORD, AND BY HANG OUT I MEAN, BECOME HER,

IS THAT, SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK

OH BUT I SHOULD INVENT SOMETHING NEW AND APPRECIATE WHO YOU ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH

I DONT GIVE A FUCK I JUST WANT TO BE PRETTY AND LIKED IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR

FUCK BUT I HAVE TO DEDICATE MY ENTIRE LIFE TO IT

MEANWHILE I CANT SPEND ANY TIME LIKE DOING ANYTHING ELSE LIKE

THERES ONLY SO MUCH ENERGY FOR ONE PERSON TO DO IN A DAY AND I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ALL ON MY OWN

AND ITS JUST, TOO MUCH TO POSSIBLY MANAGE ‘FLAWLESSLY’ LIKE AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT YOU KNOW

YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS AND YOUR GOALS AND YOUR BLAH BLAH BLAH

THERES JUST SO MUCH STUPID SHIT TO FUCKING WORRY ABOUT AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF IT

AND this tantrum is also because of being broken up with, i broke up with him, he still wants to be with me but i can’t tolerate it like I’m too annoyed and have to fix everything just for like 1 morsel of validation in the form of fucking me like thats not a relationship right so

Where the fuck is my super happy fulfilling relationship

And I’m just pretending to be happy and i go to church and sing songs and clap a long like yayayayay yeah love life1

Meanwhile everything is just…. Compiling like getting worse and worse everything getting worse and I’m like

And everyone else is fine

And i have to pretend to be fine

But its all just….. so frustrating

I can’t get it right like i can’t do anything right

And I’m abused and gaslighted and confused

And traumatized and fucked up

And i just want to slam my door so hard it comes off the hinges and the door frame around it breaks

I want to kill a futon

I want to punch and scratch and kick and scream into the floor and throw my shoes through glass windows

And tear everything apart my clothes, the kitchen, the glassses

I want to throw everything outside and light it ablaze in a big fucking fire i mean even the couch

And i just have to pretend to be calm and take a lot of pills that make my life suck more

So that I’m not so unstable that i scream and cry actually on the outside

And instead just have a whacked out brain on the inside

It’s like ‘oh ur mental illness is Maskable, so u should be fine’

And like that’s not how it works.

I have ocd do you know what that is even like

I have ptsd

Like

Holy fuck, if i don’t take my meds for 4 weeks, i turn into a ball rocking back and forth and sobbing

I don’t even KNOW about what

I can’t even hold my own MEMORY together and i dissociate

I can’t, keep track of myself like

I’m so disorganized, mentally my focus…

I’m a mess like, i can barely speak sometimes I’m so, tangled up in it

I’m not even crying right now I’m just stating the facts

And then I’m going to plainly eat dinner

And take a ride on the boat around winter park

And pretend like this is all i could of ever asked for

And pretend to be nice, and try not to show how depressed i am on the outside

Masking it with, overcompensatory happiness…

This time, just chill. Let’s just chill and, talk it through. And we’ll get there.

The thing is, everything is what they want me to do, and nothing is what i wanted to do

I am controlled like a sim in sims 4

It’s that bad

And i don’t know…. I’ve just been coping. But like,

I need, help like, i don’t know how to get out of the bind I’ve been in it is so long…

And then its like, okay once you get out like, what. Do you do then?

What do you give a fuck about then

Because before it was all about surviving like

How to i 180 out of survival mode and become like,

This brand new person that’s suddenly capable of so much, all my dreams and such

I had to witness them die in your hands, my dreams did

I watched my friends die

I sing about it with total rage and disgust, contempt,

Intense sorrow, tears come out sometimes.

I’m so angry all i can do is play a song, or sing a song

And people fucking clap along.

I just want peace i want to be left alone

I want everyone to shut up, you know

I want time to stand still

I want to correct my mistakes…

I want everything to be perfect as it should of been

Letting go of that childhood that could of been

Accepting the reality of what really happened

Is so very difficult

Halloween is triggering because it’s just a big reminder of childhood

And all the things that went horribly wrong, and i blamed myself for all of it.

Now my inner child wants to dance, wants to take part in all the things i missed out on

Being5, 8, 10, 12, and 15, and 21, and 25. You stole my life from me.

Trying to make me somebody else… set me free. From judgement.

Set me free. From the money.

Set me free.. my spirit inside.

Set me free from all my afflictions, addictions,

Tortured beguiled soul, rotten and discontent,

Set me free from my contempt

And mistakes, and emotions

I can’t believe another person tried me, after everything I’ve been through, demons keep showing up at my door

With smiling faces

When will there be somebody

Who i can trust

I feel like i am in the book of Eli, in the last days,

Carrying some secret book around

That no one understands

And only god is watching… as i wait for the years to pass by,

I pretend and parade another sharade

As i grow closer to, death

Being screwed over in the end

Just like alll the rest of us.

Life feels like a losing game you just can’t win

So i laid all my cards out the table, and forfeit.

People think I’m crazy, i swallowed a pair of dice, and spit them back out, in your whisky on the rocks

And told you to go fuck yourself, and wiped my mouth with your black tie

I hate you, skin dragging, sacks of shit,

Growing older, decaying, rotten in the dirt

Left to die

And what’d they leave us but a gassy decaying carcass

Fuck you and the comfortable death bed you rest on

I spit on your grave. You gave us nothing. And left me with everything to carry.

Fuck your flowers and mourning

My therapist wants me to cry about it

And get high about it,

Smoking weed and taking klonopin,

I could drink a bottle of red wine a night, it doesn’t matter to me nothing numbs the pain

I’m most often just trying to knock myself out

Your abuse and control is is loud

And im stuck, inside a tiny heart shaped box

Screaming to get out. Like cobain…

Silently loud,

All the symptoms are there.

It’s obvious, witnesses to bear.

How long do you think i can keep going like this.

[bcdrawsandwrites]

[ID: A Psychonauts fanfic chapter banner. On the left side of the banner is white text reading “Chapter 4: Old Intel.” On the right is Raz in his Psychonauts 2 outfit, shown from behind and turned slightly to the right, looking very frightened as he looks back as he’s held by his collar by a glowing purple TK hand that looks like Loboto’s. /end ID]

Psychonauts Ruin Everything

Fandom: Psychonauts Rating: K+ Genre:  Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort Characters:  Razputin Aquato, Caligosto Loboto, Morceau Oleander, Otto Mentallis, Sasha Nein, Milla Vodello, Truman Zanotto Warnings: References to child abuse and medical abuse Description: A few days after the whirlwind of events of Psychonauts 2, Razputin receives his first mission as a Junior Psychonaut: go into the mind of the recently-re-captured Caligosto Loboto and make sure he’s ready to be released… and if not, well… go from there. But it shouldn’t be that hard, right? Loboto’s all better now that his moral compass is back… isn’t he? Beta Readers: @jaywings and @of-science-and-stars​ (also HUGE THANKS TO @causticbicaudate​ FOR DOING THE LINEART OF THIS BANNER FOR ME)

—~~~—

Chapter 4: Old Intel

Summary:  In which Raz has to relay some intel and the mission gets a whole lot more complicated.

---~~~---

With a gasp, Raz was back in Oleander's office. He was still sitting in the desk chair... but Loboto was no longer in the chair across from him. He was standing, the device Otto had given him rapidly unwinding itself from his body. The cables bound themselves up into a tight ball before dropping to the ground, the light in front of the device turning from green to red with a low-pitched bloop.

Loboto stared down at Raz, and Raz stared up at Loboto, raising his goggles with one hand and gripping the armrest of the chair with the other. "D-Doctor Loboto," he stammered. "Are you, um... f-feeling any better?"

The doctor's smile widened unpleasantly as he towered over Raz. "I think I'm feeling something."

Raz really, really wished he'd asked Oleander how to keep someone restrained with TK. "Is that... um... a good something, or—"

Without warning Loboto made a grasping gesture with his hand, and Raz found himself hoisted up by the collar of his turtleneck by a spindly, glowing purple hand. Loboto was wincing and his hand was shaking, and Raz was wobbling in his grip, but Loboto continued to grin. "Oh, yes, it's definitely a good something."

For the moment Raz found himself paralyzed. Yet in spite of how his heart pounded in his chest, his thoughts were oddly calm. I can't attack him. If I do, he could retaliate, and I don't know what he's capable of. Instead of fighting back, he held up his hands submissively. "Hey, you can... you can use your powers again! That's great! If you want, w-we can—"

"I have you to thank for that!" Loboto cried, lifting Raz slightly higher. "What a good boy! So nice and helpful! Such a model patient."

"P-patient—?!"

"No, how silly of me. I suppose you'd be the doctor this time around, wouldn't you?" Loboto flinched, and Raz dipped in his grasp, yelping. "Whoopsie! Still need to exercise this muscle a bit."

"Yes, you do!" Raz cried, nodding frantically. "You'll need practice and training, and we can help you—"

"Help, yes!" Loboto went on, hoisting Raz back up with his TK again. "I think I can handle the physical therapy on my own. What I need..." He leaned in closer, and in spite of his smile, his brow furrowed. "...is a discharge form."

In Raz's panicked state, it took him a moment to piece together what Loboto meant. "You—you want me to have you released?"

"Yes! Precisely." Loboto reached out with his claws, and Raz flinched away, only to feel himself patted lightly on the head. "You're going to tell your little psychic friends that I am all better, and you are going to release me."

The telekinetic grip holding Raz was shuddering, and Raz wasn't sure if it was because Loboto was struggling with it, or because he was angry. If it was the former, maybe Raz could do something, but if it was the latter, he was in trouble. Not worth the risk right now, he decided, and hesitantly met Loboto's gaze. "Okay, um... first, if you could put me down—"

"Then you agree to let me go?"

Raz managed a weak smile. "I... just think we'd be able to discuss it better when I'm not six feet off the floor."

"Oh no you don't!" Loboto growled, his face twitching. Raz couldn't tell if he was being shaken, or if Loboto's grip was just that unsteady. "I'm not releasing you until you agree to release me. Do we have an agreement?"

This is not going as well as I'd hoped, Raz thought meekly. "I... I'm not sure if—"

"Do we have an agreement?!" Loboto snarled, his eyes flashing.

Before Raz could respond, several things happened in short succession.

The door slammed open, and Loboto released Raz just in time for a large, green psychic fist to collide with the doctor and knock him flying into the wall. Raz, meanwhile, crashed onto the chair beneath him. Gasping, he looked toward the doorway to find Coach Oleander with one hand to his temple, the other held in front of him in a fist.

"Coach!" Raz cried, scrambling off the office chair. Though he was still rattled, he felt more stable when his feet touched the ground.

"I knew this weirdo was gonna cause trouble," Oleander growled before glancing at Raz. "You all right, soldier?"

"F-fine!" Raz replied, though he felt himself shaking.

"What was that?" Loboto whined, raising his head from where he'd been knocked off his feet. "I thought we had a truce...?" Upon seeing Oleander, however, he clenched his claws together. "Oh, little army man! I didn't think we'd be seeing each other again so soon."

"Shut it, Cal!" With a quick sweep of his hand, Oleander snatched Loboto with TK, holding him firmly. He then smiled at Raz. "That's how you restrain an enemy."

"I’m not an enemy—I'm a changed man!" Loboto cried, kicking out with his feet.

"He is different now, Coach Oleander," Raz said, holding up his hands. "I went into his mind—into a really deep part of it, and he told me himself he didn't want to steal brains anymore."

Oleander frowned. "That doesn't explain why he was holdin' you up in his... uh..." He blinked. "...Your psychic energy isn't purple, is it, soldier?"

"About that..." Raz rubbed the back of his helmet sheepishly. "I may have... kinda... helped him... remove the mental block for his psychic powers..."

"Psychic... powers...?" Oleander's gaze darted from Raz to Loboto several times. "You're tellin' me this guy's been a psychic all along?"

"I... may have forgotten to mention a few things I saw when I entered his mind the first time," Raz said, and wrapped his arms around himself. Already he was thinking back to the trouble he'd caused in Agent Forsythe's mind and how he hadn't told anyone until it had turned dangerous. "It... it seemed too private, and I didn't think it would come up again." Looking up, he feared the Coach might be angry, but his expression was softer than he'd expected.

"You psychics are one to talk about privacy," Loboto muttered, looking away.

At Loboto's interruption, Oleander frowned again. "You remember what I taught you about memory vaults, soldier?"

Raz thought for a moment. "You... said that the enemy isn't allowed secrets at wartime. But—"

"That applies here, too." Oleander turned his gaze back to Loboto. "Looks like we'll need to take him back to the others to sort things out. This is a bigger deal than we thought." Waving for Raz to follow, he hauled Loboto out of the office via TK.

"Uuugh, not this again!" Loboto whined as he continued to struggle in Oleander's grip. "I wanna leave!"

Initially Raz stepped toward the door before remembering something, and turned around to snatch Otto's device from the floor and put it in his bag. "Is it really that big of a deal?" he asked as he ran to catch up with Oleander. "I don't think he's very good at psychic powers."

Loboto's gaze snapped over to Raz, his brow furrowed, but he said nothing.

"Good enough to cause problems," Oleander remarked. He put a hand to his temple again, then nodded a moment later. "Otto's gonna meet with us in Truman's office."

Raz nodded, only for his stomach to give a jolt. Please don't call Sasha—

"Sasha and Milla are on their way, too."

"Aren't they kinda... busy, though?" Raz asked hesitantly. "We probably shouldn't bother them."

"They wouldn't exactly be happy if I didn't report to them," the Coach muttered.

"Right," Raz said, wrapping his arms around himself and keeping his gaze to the floor. Memories of just how angry Sasha and Milla had been with him after he'd messed things up in Agent Forsythe's mind flitted through his head, and his stomach knotted up at the thought that he would have to go through that again.

That's not a proper march, soldier, Oleander said over telepathy.

Shaking himself, Raz straightened his back and dropped his arms. Right, sorry, sir.

You all right?

Raz winced. Well... it's just... I really messed this up. He glanced at Loboto, who was staring with interest at the aquarium as they passed it. I just wanted to help him.

What, him? That guy's a bit of a wild card. Oleander shrugged. You never know what's gonna happen with him. I didn't expect him to come back with a pepper grinder for an arm when I— He faltered.

Raz glanced quickly between Loboto and Oleander, one eyebrow raised.

Oleander went on quickly: Point is, pretty sure this one isn't your fault. The guy’s unpredictable. You're not gonna hear Nein chew you out over this one, if that's what you're worried about.

Oh. Some of the tension eased from Raz's shoulders, but then he gave a jolt. Wait, how did you know about...?

The Coach didn't answer, only frowning and looking away.

Before Raz could question him again, the nearest Otto B.O.N. slammed open as they passed, and Otto himself sprang out of it, landing neatly next to Raz. "Already back with an update, eh Razputin?" he asked, eyebrows raised in interest. "How did my invention work out, by the way?"

TKing the device out of his bag, Raz held it up awkwardly. "So, about that..."

—-~~~—-

The meeting room was silent.

Raz fidgeted in his chair, looking every which way to avoid looking at Oleander, Truman, Otto, Sasha, or Milla, though he was pretty sure he could feel their gazes upon him. Loboto, who had been struggling in Oleander's grip for most of the time he'd been held, was now very still and silent. His shoulders were hunched, his lips a tight line, and his gaze was out the window and focused on the Nerve Center below. For a moment Raz considered apologizing to him, but what good would that do now?

It was Otto who finally broke the silence. "A lobotomy victim," he murmured. "Those didn't usually fare too well."

If it were possible, Loboto went even more tense. Raz finally looked up to cast a worried glance around the table, suddenly wondering if they would say something to set him off.

Otto's gaze was trained on Loboto, his brow furrowed seriously. Truman was rubbing his forehead, eyes wide as he seemed to still be processing the new information, while Oleander had lowered his head in thought. Farther down the table, Milla's gaze had gone distant, while Sasha's expression remained unreadable beneath his goggles, though he was turned slightly toward Milla. I wonder what they're talking about, Raz thought, only to give a start when Oleander spoke.

"I... heard about those being done, back in the day," he remarked, fiddling with his hands. "It's... part of why I never told my folks. But I'd never heard of it actually being done to..."

"I've not seen any records of such a thing," Sasha remarked. "To adults, certainly, especially back when psychic powers were still categorized as an illness. But to be done to a child..."

"There's no record of it," Truman echoed. "None. We had agents sent out to hospitals to gather intel on this sort of thing. Sabotages, even, whenever we caught it. But it was always adults, never children. If any records existed, they must have been destroyed or modified."

"Wouldn't shock me," Otto remarked. "Psychic prejudice or no, something like that happening to a child would've created quite the stir! They likely didn't want it known."

"Neither did I," Loboto growled through his teeth, still refusing to look up.

Raz flinched; maybe he should have apologized, but it seemed too late for it now.

"...Caligosto."

In spite of how soft her voice had been, Milla immediately drew the attention of those present in the room (except for Loboto, whose optics had not turned from the window). Her face was drawn in sympathy, and she looked as though she wanted to move closer. "We understand that you didn't want this discussed—"

"But you did it anyway," Loboto snapped, finally looking up. His gaze was aimed at Milla, whose expression did not change, while Loboto's face twisted in a furious smile. "Yes! It's a common trend for you Psychonauts. 'Sorry to dredge up your worst memories, doctor, but it's for the mission!' 'We don't mean to hurt you, but we're going to use fifty different devices on you until we get what we want.' 'We won't barge into your brain without your permission, but we're gonna keep pestering you until we get that permission.' Right?"

Raz's gaze darted uneasily between Loboto and the others. While Truman and Oleander both glared at Loboto, the latter with his fists clenched, Otto merely watched on in surprise. Sasha's mouth was drawn in a tight line, but Milla, to Raz's surprise, didn't seem upset. If anything, she was looking at the doctor with more sympathy.

"We all want what's best for you, Caligosto," she said. "We know you're hurting, and—"

The doctor let out an ugly laugh that made Raz wince, and several others at the table gave a start.

"Oh! Were you serious?" he asked, his voice edged in bitterness. "Now you give me sympathy?" Again he let out another peal of laughter. "That's rich! What do you think it'll get out of me, huh? You think you can butter me up with a bunch of lies about feeling sorry for me? Won't work, you stupid—"

Sasha stood up, and Raz could feel the glare beneath his goggles. Loboto's gaze turned to meet him, though no part of him seemed intimidated.

"Enough!" Truman cried, standing up and urging Sasha to sit. "This will get us nowhere. What's done is done—we all understand what's happened to the doctor."

Slowly Sasha took a seat, and Truman with him. The room went silent again as some of the tension eased.

Raz was the one to break the silence this time. "So... what does this mean for us? For him?"

The Grand Head of the Psychonauts looked tired, and Raz wasn't sure if that was due to the situation or just his permanent state of being. "Well... that's what we're here to discuss," he said, leaning forward. "There's no precedent for this sort of thing happening. We've dealt with those who have attempted to hide psychic powers from us, but they never get very far. But to have had psychic powers..." He gestured uncertainly. "...removed, for lack of a better term, only for them to grow back..."

"It's extraordinary!" Otto cut in. "Imagine the implications! Truman, I know you've told me no before, but—"

"I don't think they grew back," Raz said, sitting up straighter. "I think he always had them, he was just... afraid to use them."

"Afraid?!" Loboto snarled. "I'm not afraid of anything!"

"Yeah," Oleander raised an eyebrow. "Just like you weren't afraid of Nick making you face an old lady—"

A pen weakly flicked across the desk in Oleander's direction, but that in combination with the glare Loboto was giving him silenced him.

"Enough about me," Loboto went on, finally facing the others. "Let's talk about you. Mainly, let's talk about you letting me out of here!"

"Oh yeah, you've proved yourself real trustworthy on that front," Oleander grumbled.

"You're one to talk about trust, mister traitor!" Loboto shot back, and Oleander grit his teeth.

"He did say he didn't want to take anyone's brains anymore, though," Raz said, looking over to Loboto. "Right?"

"Right, yes, no more 'stealing brains' on the menu for me. I'm fully reformed and ready to leave."

Truman eyed him, leaning away from his direction. "I'm... not sure we can trust him on that one."

"But I went into his mind and everything! I talked to his inner child, the one that was still afraid of using his powers. He... he said he didn't want to be messing with brains like his father did."

To Raz's surprise, Oleander's expression softened, while Otto and Sasha exchanged glances. "The deeper parts of the brain are more reliable than the surface level," Sasha put in begrudgingly.

Otto nodded. "That's right. I don't believe there's any reason to distrust him in that regard."

Finally Loboto seemed to brighten, his gaze darting between Sasha, Otto, and Truman.

"That is good to know," Truman admitted, rubbing his forehead, and Loboto's smile almost looked genuinely happy for once. "But that says nothing about whether or not he could plan to hurt others, which he has plenty of means to do with his newfound psychic abilities."

Loboto's face fell, and he kicked the underside of the desk.

"Further investigation and treatment will be needed," Truman went on. "In addition, I'd like to see some form of psychic training for him to give him proper control of those powers."

"Training?!" Loboto wailed.

He wasn't the only one bewildered by the Grand Head's statement. Sasha and Milla were both eyeing each other in silent communication. Otto meanwhile leaned back, rubbing his chin in thought, and Oleander looked between Loboto and Truman a few times. "No offense, sir," he began, "but is it really in our best interest to get that bozo to hone his psychic powers?"

"You tell me, Agent Oleander." Truman raised a brow. "You work at the camp. You of anyone should know how much of a danger untrained psychics can be, both to themselves and others."

"...Point taken."

Looking away, Raz gripped the armrests of his chair. "Learning how to use them the right way is important, too."

"Exactly," Truman said, and Raz felt his heart lift a little. "With that settled, I believe we're in agreement?"

"No, we're not in agreement!" Loboto growled. "I didn't agree to any of this!"

Truman eyed him evenly. "If you're so eager to leave, doctor, we can have that arranged."

"Oh, good! Call me a cab, then, why don't you—"

As Truman leaned toward Loboto, the faintest smile appeared on his face. "No, I believe the police would be the ones escorting you."

Loboto's optics flashed, and he growled, kicking the table again. Half a second later, one of the pens sitting atop the table flicked in Truman's direction.

Without a hint of acknowledgement, Truman faced the rest of the table. "Now, given the strangeness of the circumstances, I believe Agent Aquato is in need of some assistance."

Jumping in his chair, Raz faced Truman anxiously. "Oh—I-I'm sorry, Grand Head Zanotto—"

"There's no need to apologize, Agent Aquato. You haven't done anything wrong. But as we've seen that this mission is a bit heavier than originally expected, I'm assigning you a senior agent to accompany you." With that, Truman's gaze turned to Oleander, who gave a jerk of surprise. "Agent Oleander, from here on out, you will be accompanying Agent Aquato on his mission."

"Wh-what?!" Oleander cried. "But sir, I have things to finish before I head back—"

"Oh, don't worry, Morry," Otto said with a laugh. "Your pet projects will be waiting for you when you return to the base."

Groaning, Oleander gave a defeated nod. "Yes, sir, I'll take care of it." He rubbed his chin in thought. “Well, guess I can’t complain too much about being sent on a mission…” Casting a glance back at Loboto, however, he frowned. “Just wish it wasn’t this one.”

Loboto huffed.

“Well, I wish I didn’t have to assign you this one either,” Truman went on, “but given you’re the only other senior agent available at the moment, I don’t have much choice in this matter. Just remember you do still need to report back to Agents Nein, Vodello, and me. Understood?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

Truman clapped his hands together. "Good. If we've no more dissenting opinions here, I think I'm good to call this meeting to a close." Glancing at a clock on the wall, he frowned. "Normally I would send you off on your mission immediately, but since timing isn't dire here, I think we could all use some rest. Agents Nein, Vodello." The two turned their attention to him. "Has your examination of Gristol Malik ruled out the possibility of psychic powers?"

"That is correct, Truman," Sasha confirmed. "We've made little progress, but that's one thing we're certain of."

"Excellent. We'll have him moved from the psychoisolation chambers and to one of the holding cells. Since we've determined Loboto can use psychic powers, he'll be held in psychoisolation for the time being instead. I don't want those two anywhere near each other again," he finished with a shudder.

"I don't think he wants that either," Raz added quietly. He glanced back at Loboto, who gave a shudder as well.

"I don't mean to butt in, but my anti-psychic restraints haven't failed anyone yet," Otto said, leaning forward. "We could certainly use a set of those and just keep him in a holding cell—"

"Yeah, if you want him driven nuts from an itch in his back by morning," Oleander grumbled, reaching back to scratch his shoulder.

"Well, can't be much worse than a padded room and a straitjacket," Loboto said, and Raz turned to give him a worried look.

"It's been a long week," Milla put in. "The psychoisolation chamber will be more comfortable, and I think Caligosto could do with a proper rest."

"We all could. Including me." Truman pushed himself away from the desk, and all but Loboto followed suit. "Agents Nein and Vodello, if you could handle the transfer of Gristol Malik, please, and that should be all for tonight."

"Of course, sir," Sasha said. With that, he and Milla stepped out of the meeting room together, heading toward the Otto B.O.N. in Truman's office.

"As for Loboto," Truman went on, turning to face Raz, "would you and Agent Oleander move him to the psychoisolation chamber, please?"

"Yes, sir!" Raz said with a determined nod, and looked over to Oleander for confirmation. The Coach sighed begrudgingly, but nodded.

"I'll accompany them to make sure there's no mishaps," Otto said with a smile. "It's not far from my lab, anyway."

"Great!" Raz grinned, still ecstatic at the prospect of getting a mission straight from the Grand Head himself. However, his face fell when he looked back at Loboto, who still sat tensely in his chair. His expression did not change when Oleander lifted him back up with TK.

"Right. I got the cargo, so let's get going." Oleander opted to hoist him over the table rather than try to navigate him around the pushed-back chairs, then had to turn the doctor on his side to get him through the door. "Tall person comin' through... Hrmf. Don't get to say that often."

"Good night," Truman called, using his own TK to straighten up the meeting room as they stepped out.

As it wasn't possible to carry someone through the Otto B.O.N. system, the group had to walk all the way to the psychoisolation chamber. It was a good thing too, Raz realized, as it meant there was less of a risk of Loboto and Gristol seeing each other during the transfer; Sasha and Milla would have Gristol out long before they got there. Heck, they would probably get him to the holding cells before Raz's group even left the Motherlobe.

"This is some mission to have dropped on you before you head back to camp," Oleander muttered to himself as they descended down into the lobby.

"It seems like a fascinating opportunity!" Otto exclaimed. "I wish I'd been assigned to the case instead, but you know mental projection's not my forte."

"What a shame," Loboto mumbled, and Raz glanced back at him. His head and his optics were drooping, the lights in them dim. He didn't seem the type to give up easily, so he chalked it up to exhaustion.

Otto either ignored the comment or didn't seem to notice. "You'll have to tell me all about it when you're done."

"Yeah, sure thing," Oleander said, rolling his eye.

As they walked, Raz’s initial excitement of being sent on another mission by the Grand Head himself began to fade, and he thought about the reality of what it entailed. Soon now they’d be entering Loboto’s head yet again… and he mulled over what he’d seen there last time. A thought struck him, and he reached out to Oleander silently: Hey, Coach, can I ask you something?

Shoot, private.

Glancing back at Loboto, Raz frowned. You remember what I said about when I talked to Loboto’s inner child… but I don’t get what happened at the end. He kinda… wasn’t Loboto’s inner child anymore. Or something?

Oleander’s brow furrowed. That’s still him, though. Your inner child’s still a part of you, unless something weird’s going on.

Raz’s heart sank. So… that was really just Loboto the whole time, pretending to be a kid?

What? No, this stuff’s a lot more complicated than that. Oleander lifted his helmet with one hand to scratch beneath it with the other. Look, soldier, I’m a drill sergeant, not a psychologist. This part of the mind’s not my forte, but… Sasha was right about what he said earlier. The inner child’s a deeper part of you, and that stuff can’t really be faked.

While that did take the weight off Raz’s heart, he still found his brow furrowing in thought. But… how did he change like that?

I mean, I wasn’t there in the trenches with you when it happened… but it sounds like the main part of him figured out what was happening and stepped in and took control there.

Oh, I guess that makes sense… Looking back at Loboto again, though, it didn’t look like any part of him was in control now, as he was nearly dozing off in Oleander’s grip. He turned back to the Coach. Thank you, sir. He paused as something else occurred to him. But how come that never happened with your— He broke off, realizing that might not be a good thing to bring up at the moment.

At first he thought the Coach might’ve caught what he was saying, as Oleander winced when they stepped outside. The moon and stars shone in the dark-blue sky above, while lights scattered throughout the quarry kept the different paths lit. Raz was worried that Oleander was upset about the mention of his own mental world until he realized what the Coach was looking at.

The psychoisolation chamber sat on the other side of the quarry, and Oleander glanced from it, to Loboto, and then to Otto. "Say, Otto, speakin' of what you were saying earlier, about things that aren't people's fortes... D'you mind carrying him from here, Otto? I'm not crossin' all that with this bozo in tow."

"Not at all!" Brightening, Otto reached out with his own telekinetic hand, which snatched Loboto the second Oleander let go, quickly enough that the doctor didn’t seem to notice, his head still bobbing as he dozed.

"Thanks. Meet you there." With that, the Coach made for the nearest Otto B.O.N., leaving Raz and Otto to bring Loboto the rest of the way themselves. The trip across the quarry would involve a lot of levitation jumps for Raz, while Otto gracefully hovered alongside him, carrying Loboto just behind.

"Oh, this should be interesting as well!" Otto said as they finally approached the massive building.

Raz released his final thought bubble and landed softly on his feet. "What should?"

Otto carefully landed next to Raz. "Given the condition of his brain and the fact that you've recently reactivated his powers," he began, and completely failed to notice the sudden frantic gestures from Raz to stop talking, "I'm curious as to how it'll react to the filtered psilirium—"

"Wh-what?!" Loboto jerked fully awake, and his mechanical eyes retracted.

"Otto—" Raz hissed urgently, but the scientist went on:

"Oh, you know, psilirium has this peculiar effect on psychics—"

"I know what it does!" Loboto cried, flailing in Otto's grip. "Let me go! You're not giving that stuff to me again! I'll give you all a root canal!"

"Doctor Loboto, hey!" Raz called softly, rushing up to the doctor's side. "Listen, it'll be okay. It's filtered psilirium—it's not the same stuff they used on you, or what you used on Truman, all right? I know it sounds scary, but you're gonna be okay."

"Who said I was scared?!" Loboto snarled, in spite of the way he trembled in Otto's grasp.

"Razputin's not wrong, hypothetically," Otto put in. "I developed the first psychoisolation chambers with Compton Boole myself, and they're perfectly safe for both regular and non-psychics." Though whether they’ll be safe for you, we’ll have yet to see, he went on in his mind, and Raz winced.

"Come on," Raz said, waving them on ahead. "That receptionist is probably driving the Coach crazy..."

Once they took the lift up, they found that to be exactly the case. Oleander was leaning against the wall opposite of the check-in desk and massaging his temple, while Terryl was leaning over her desk and toward him, somehow seeming overwhelming in spite of being several yards away. "Yes, Terryl, I get it—"

"But you know, it's always so nice to hear from the senior agents! I don't see much of them other than Boole and Forsythe—HI!" she called, waving enthusiastically at the ones who had entered. "Hi! Hii! Oh, Otto Mentallis! And that boy from the other day! And... Hackett? Did I get your name right? Did I?"

"Oh finally," Oleander said, shoulders slumping in relief as he approached them. "Took you guys long enough to get here."

"We're here on an assignment from Truman," Otto said, nodding toward Terryl.

She beamed in excitement. "That's right! Agent Oleander was just telling me about that!"

"I was trying to..."

"Yes," Raz put in, holding up a finger as he approached the desk. "We just need to put Doctor Loboto here in a chamber overnight. Can you do that?"

"Not a problem! I just need some forms filled out." With that, she heaved a weighty stack of papers onto the desk.

"Uh—"

"Oh, I'll handle this," Otto said, quickly trading Loboto off to Oleander again and approaching the desk. "You two take him up to his room and let me know what happens."

Oleander glanced from Loboto to Terryl. "Yeah, but which—"

"Oh, it'll just be room two. One still needs to get cleaned out." Terryl waved them off and turned her attention back to Otto. "So Agent Mentallis, have you got any new inventions brewing?"

"Well, I—"

"Oh I just love that mental cobweb one, haha! Though I don't think I'd ever need to use it on myself!"

Leaving Otto to his fate, Raz and Oleander sneaked over to the levitation funnel, letting the Thinkerprint run its scan before they slipped inside with Loboto. "Geez, I thought we'd never get out of there," Oleander said, heaving a sigh of relief as Raz punched the button for room two.

Once they reached their destination, Loboto frowned down at the funnel. "My old elevator was much more efficient than these..."

"Pshaw." Oleander eyed Loboto askance. "The weirdo you had running that thing only let you up."

"Exactly!"

While Oleander and Loboto bickered, Raz approached the psychoisolation room before them, staring through the transparent walls. Unlike the one Compton had stayed in, which seemed cluttered and personalized, this one was a lot simpler. At one end sat a desk and a chair with paper and pens, and opposite of that was a twin bed. Just across from the door to the chamber was a bookshelf lined with a variety of psychic-related books and what looked like a stack of out-of-date magazines. In front of that was a flower-pattern bean bag chair. "Huh, looks cozy," Raz remarked.

"Could use a dentist chair and a... sink..." Loboto trailed off, his gaze drifting up above the chamber, then below it.

"What's eatin' you?" Oleander asked, raising an eyebrow. Both he and Raz followed the doctor's gaze, seeing the clusters of yellow psychoreactive crystals above and below the chamber. "What, scared of a little psilirium? You sure weren't before, back at the Rhombus."

"I'm not scared!" Loboto snarled, head snapping over in the Coach's direction. "Just not impressed with its lack of basic dental facilities!"

He didn't have his psychic powers before, Raz said telepathically. Also I... I think they used it on him when they... um... operated.

Oleander's mocking attitude quickly faded. Oh.

"I told you before, it'll be okay, Loboto," Raz said, giving what he hoped looked like an encouraging smile. "This stuff won't hurt you."

"I'm sure!" Loboto cried, kicking his feet in the air. Oleander had to hold him further away to avoid getting kicked in the face. "Just like what that green man put me through!"

"Eh, Nein's got some questionable methods," Oleander countered, "but Razputin's right. These psychoisolation chambers are fine, if a bit dull. I committed myself in one of these for a few hours once."

"Wait, really?" Raz turned to look at the Coach, brows raised.

"Vodello convinced me to try meditating in one once. I uh... fell asleep." Oleander scratched the back of his head. "Feels weird bein' in 'em, since you can't use your powers, but it's peaceful enough, I guess. Anyway, let's get you in here and go home."

Before Raz could ask how to get into the chamber, Oleander approached the door and placed a hand to his temple. Something within the door gave a quiet bleep, and it swung open. "All right, tall guy," he said, pulling Loboto feet-first into the short tunnel leading up to the door. "In you g—"

Loboto braced his feet against either side of the doorway.

"Oh come on!"

"No!" Loboto cried. His legs strained as Oleander tried to pull him into the chamber via telekinesis. "I'm not going in there! I've had enough!"

Oleander grit his teeth, only for his mouth to quirk in a strained smile. "All right, fine, have it your way." With that, he eased Loboto backwards out of the entryway... only to spin him around to attempt to shove him through the door headfirst.

Loboto kicked him square in the head, sending his helmet flying.

"AGH!"

"You know the orderlies did eventually give up trying to keep me in solitary," Loboto said matter-of-factly while Oleander rubbed his head. "I can keep this up far longer than you can!"

"You oversized toothpick! I'm gonna—"

"Coach, stop!" Raz got between the two of them, for all the good it would do. He took a quick glance back at Loboto to make sure he wouldn’t kick him in the head as well. "I don't think this is helping."

Oleander raised a brow at him as he reached down to pick up his helmet. "You got any better ideas, soldier?"

Biting his lip, Raz turned around to face the doctor. "...Doctor Loboto," he said slowly, "I know you don't have a lot of reasons to trust us. I know it... hasn't been fun for you here."

"Not for any of us, either," Oleander muttered.

"To say the least!" Loboto shot back.

Raz ignored the comments. "But... can you at least trust me?"

The request caught Loboto off-guard. His optics flicked from Raz, to Oleander, and back, and he let out an uncertain grumble before looking away.

Hesitantly Raz reached out, and took Loboto's hand.

The doctor gave a body-wide jerk, swinging his head over to glare down at Raz. He struggled to pull his hand away (not an easy task with his arms pinned to his side), but stopped. Slowly his gaze turned to his hand, then back to Raz, who kept a firm but gentle grip. The lights in his eyes flicked once in a blink.

"Please," Raz urged. "Just this once."

Loboto looked down at the floor, and remained silent.

Look, soldier, I don't think this is gonna work, Oleander said over telepathy, and Raz lowered his head. Give me a minute and I'll call for backup—

"Okay."

Wait what—

Raz's head snapped back up to find Loboto was looking at him again. "You—?"

"I said okay!" Loboto snapped. "You need a signed form or something?"

"I—no! No, that's fine!" Glancing back at Oleander, Raz found him just as surprised. "I guess, uh..." Strangely, he found himself smiling up at the doctor. "...Thanks."

Loboto's eyes flicked over to his right. "Hurry up before I change my mind."

"Welp, you heard the man," Oleander said, preparing to move him via TK again, but Raz held up a hand. "Huh?"

"No, Coach... Could you let him go?"

"Are you kidding me?!" the Coach cried. He looked down at Raz, who maintained eye contact with him, and sighed. "All right..." He heaved a sigh, then pointed a threatening finger at Loboto. "If you try anything funny, I'll send you sailing into the wall like I did earlier."

"That won't be easy for me. I have quite the sense of humor, you know!"

"Rrgh..."

Slowly Oleander lowered Loboto until his feet touched the ground, and released him from his telekinetic grip. Raz, meanwhile, kept hold of his hand.

"Ready?" Raz asked, giving him a gentle tug toward the entryway.

"Not really, but it's not like you give me much of a choice." Loboto's brow furrowed, but he hesitantly allowed Raz to lead him toward the psychoisolation room. He had to duck to get through the entryway, and stopped just before the door. His breathing had quickened.

Raz squeezed his hand, and led him into the chamber.

The world fell silent.

Raz let out a gasp, and Loboto started as well, looking around the chamber and down at himself. But no, he could hear the sound of his own breathing and the tapping of Loboto’s boots against the floor. He hadn't lost his hearing—he'd lost his sixth sense.

He hadn't realized how many voices he'd learned to tune out until they were suddenly gone.

Otherwise, though, he felt fine—like he could still run and jump his way through the quarry, albeit without levitation. He shook his head. "Sorry, that just startled me, is all. How are you feeling, Doctor Loboto?"

"Uh... okay..." He gingerly brought his claw up to his shower cap. "I think...?"

"It does feel a little weird at first, but... see? We're both fine!"

"I suppose so." Loboto looked down, saw Raz was still holding his hand, and roughly yanked it away. "Enough of that!"

"Right, sorry." With that, Raz backed away toward the door. "Well... goodnight, Doctor Loboto."

Loboto looked away, muttering something that may have been "goodnight” before his optics turned back to focus on him intently. He took a step toward him, looking like he was about to reach out with his prosthetic.

"Uh... See you tomorr—woah!"

Raz was yanked backward out of the chamber, and the door slammed behind him. All at once his psychic senses came back, leaving his head swimming, and he was pretty sure he briefly saw figments. When his vision returned to normal, he found the Coach glaring through the slot in the door. "Hey," Raz protested, "what was that—"

Oleander whipped back around to face him, his face red. "What were you doing, Raz?!" he hissed, and Raz took a step back in surprise. After casting a quick glance back at the chamber behind him, the Coach hurried out of the entryway tunnel.

Brow furrowed, Raz followed him out. "I was getting him into the chamber! What do you think I—"

"You got the both of you into that chamber!" Oleander whispered harshly, pointing an accusing finger in Raz's face. Before Raz could protest, he went on, "He doesn't have his psychic powers in there, but neither do you! Who do you think's gonna win in a fight between you and a nine-foot-tall criminal, huh?"

Raz felt the blood drain from his face as he envisioned the claw that had reached toward him, and his stomach fell. "Oh... oh, man, I didn't even think..."

"I told you, he's unpredictable! You could've—!" Oleander cut himself off, and sighed, the proper color finally returning to his face. He dragged his hand over it.

Raz's gaze drifted to the floor. "Sorry, Coach," he said, his voice catching.

"Ugh. I'm sorry too, soldier. You just... scared me for a minute there." Looking back up, Raz found Oleander eyeing Loboto through the transparent walls. "Y’know, there's a reason I..." He trailed off.

"...A reason you what, sir?" Raz asked, swallowing.

The Coach gave a start. "Nothing, it's... nothing. C'mon, let's get you out of here."

Raz followed Oleander back to the levitation funnel, but looked back into the chamber just before they descended.

Loboto stared back, red-and-green eyes piercing into his own.

—~~~—

Raz wrapped his arms around himself as he hopped out of the Otto B.O.N. He'd parted ways with Oleander and Otto, but the Coach's words were still ringing in his head.

He knew Loboto was unpredictable. Even before Oleander had said it, he'd known. He'd seen what had happened in the Rhombus, when Loboto had gone from freeing everyone one moment to blowing up the place the next. And even hours ago, he'd just been helping Loboto's inner child, only for the doctor to use his newfound psychic abilities against him. Raz had his own psychic powers though, too, and if worse came to worst, he probably could've held his own against Loboto. But... in the psychoisolation chamber...

Who do you think's gonna win in a fight between you and a nine-foot-tall criminal, huh?

Loboto wouldn't... really hurt him now, would he? After all that had happened?

As he returned to the caravan and his mom chided him for coming home so late (but handed him the leftovers she'd set aside for him), he found his thoughts still drifting back to the mission.

No, Loboto couldn't be completely unpredictable. There had to be a reason for the way he acted.

He'd just have to find it.

Upon finishing dinner, Raz felt like he had weights tied to his limbs. He somehow managed to stumble off to bed, finally managing to relax among the familiar smells and sounds of his home, grateful to have somewhere safe to return to after a long day. But as he settled into his blankets, a thought crossed his mind:

Where did Loboto have to return to?

[thetaekookcloset]

Most Romantic TK Moments

One of the things I hear very often about Taekook -- outside of TK spaces, but also in them -- is that nothing they do seems particularly “romantic.”  Obviously that makes sense, because all we have is public content and even if everyone in BTS didn’t have to hide their romantic relationships, we wouldn’t be likely see much that we would consider outright romantic.

That being said, though, I think there are actually a lot of moments and interactions between Taehyung and Jungkook that can not only easily be read as romantic but for which, in my opinion, romance is the simplest explanation.

Below the cut, I’ve gathered (in no particular order) some of my favorite TK moments that I personally see as pretty damn romantic.  I’ll write a tiny bit about each of them, but this post is mostly just a list with some visuals because these moments are too precious not to look at!

Starting out very on the nose: this super soft “I love you” exchange. Could this be platonic? I’m sure a lot of people see it that way. But the way they’re touching each other, looking at each other, the tones of their voices, their smiles and the way Jungkook turns Tae around after this -- all of those details make this moment read as very much non-platonic to me.

How could I make this post without mentioning JK watching Tae with the softest and sweetest expression on his face? Frankly, I couldn’t. There are so, so many examples of this it was hard to pick just two. Seriously this has happened countless times. You don’t really get the full effect from the still images, but fortunately for all of us there are lots of video compilations, literally just of JK staring softly at Taehyung.

And of course: Tae watching JK with literal heart eyes. Nothing about this relationship is one-sided and Taehyung stares at Jungkook with just as much significance and weight as Jungkook so often looks at him. Seriously if they really are only friends, bless them for being so openly adoring of each other.

“My eyes are always on you. I love you.” I confess I don’t know if this translation is completely accurate, but I’ve never seen it translated any other way, and genuinely, this phrase lives in my head rent-free. It will just pop into my head sometimes and it makes me weak every time.

One thing I love about these two is how, when they’re looking closely at each other, you can literally watch their eyes move over one another’s faces. That sort of in-depth interest shows admiration and attraction and I feel like you can just feel it when you see it.

They went to a fortune teller together? And not only were they told that Jungkook lacked/needed more water and Tae lacked/needed more fire, but they have since both made a point of sharing that information? And not only have they shared it, they’ve heavily implied that this is a demonstration of how they complement each other?? (Also the way JK’s smile grows and he bites his lip ring when Tae says, “I need fire, but I have him,” ruins my life.)

Everything about the domino moment, oh my god!!! I mean, for one thing, Tae rubs Jungkook’s inner thigh and I’m sorry but it’s really, really hard to see that as platonic. He goes really far up there lol. But what makes this moment feel specifically romantic to me, rather than just generally non-platonic, is the part that’s actually captured here. The moment where Tae turns around to look at Jungkook and he says, “You startled me,” in absolutely the most heart-meltingly soft voice that I’ve ever heard, absolutely no annoyance or frustration or anything present -- and Jungkook clearly wasn’t expecting any either, I mean, look at that smile. Yeah, honestly I don’t know how to think myself out of this whole moment. So, so much is captured here, I feel.

I have nothing to even say about this one, just: whatever is going on here. I can’t.

Literally everything about GDA 2020. The cuddle moment, of course, this sweet little almost hand-grab, but really just everything. Jungkook was so attentive to Tae that night, following him with his eyes, literally following him when he ran off to meet Pingu, checking up on him, gazing lovingly at him when they were on stage. Just so many good, sweet, very romantic-coded moments.

I’m sure I don’t even need to say anything about Taekook rollerskating together. The way Jungkook helped Tae the entire time, paying close attention to him so he could be right there when he fell, always encouraging him and trying to teach him how to do it. And gosh but the way they laughed through this! This whole moment is sweeter than the ice cream they had afterwards.

This Taekook airport moment is another one that I find it difficult to read as anything other than an expression of comfort between romantic partners. A lot of BTS is cuddly, and a lot of the guys do lean on each other in ways that are similar to this sometimes, but there’s something about this that feels different. Maybe it’s only biased thinking, but usually when we see Jungkook seek out this kind of comfort -- like with Hobi or Jin, for example -- there’s an almost silly quality to it, like he’s playing up his role as the maknae. This moment has never seemed like that. For one thing, it’s in a public place. For another, there’s nothing exaggerated about it. He’s not playing, he’s not being silly. This is just a genuine expression of where he’s at in this moment. He’s pressed very close to Tae, their faces are really close together (even more so when Tae leans his head against JK’s too), and Jungkook even slumps further into him a second after this photo was taken. It’s such a natural and genuine moment that it feels different to me.

Last but not least: the Harry Styles concert. I don’t even know what to say about this, if there even is anything to say about it. They just express so much joy and pleasure in each other’s company here. Jungkook holding Tae’s hand, leaning into each other, singing their hearts out together, their little cheers at the end. And that’s just during “Falling!” Whatever the nature of their relationship, the fact that they were confident to show their happiness and affection here, and to share it afterwards, is so special.

So there you have it!  A handful of Taekook moments that seem pretty damn romantic to me. This isn’t even all of them, I could probably have kept adding things to this list forever. I didn’t really want to include onstage moments, though I think some of them qualify, and I had to just call it somewhere because -- considering the fact that we only have public content to draw from -- I really feel like these two love each other so much that it’s easy to see a lot of what they do as romantic.

Did your favorite romantic moments make the list? Is there anything you feel is missing? I would love to hear about those moments that seem especially romantic to you! As I said, this list is by no means exhaustive and I am trash for this topic so feel free to reach out with your favorites!

[cowboytarlos]

Part 7 of tarlos song head-cannon

I’ve had this massive ephinany after seeing a post by @paper-storm talking about Carlos during the break up. (If you haven’t read, I do suggest it).

And made me realise, how right where you left me by taylor swift is a tarlos song.

I don’t want to rehash too much paper-storm did, I don’t want to sound like I’ve copied them.

But it did make me think just how lonely he must have been. We don’t know about friends Carlos had prior to TK, or much about his life before. We’ve only seen two of his family members and heard of an aunt, but we don’t really know if he has siblings. And clearly with Nancy not knowing anything about the break up, it shows neither of them had talked about it to anyone.

So if I’m following what we’ve currently got, that left Carlos with no one. Which I had never thought about before. But it links very closely to the taylor swift song.

“They expected me to find somewhere, Some perspective, but I sat and stared, Right where you left me, You left me”

We don’t know loads on what happened on the actual break up, but we do know TK was the person to end things. Leaving Carlos alone.

And after the disaster of the house fire, it left Carlos with nothing. TK, I assume, moved in with Mateo and continued with his life. Moving to a new place of work, with his original crew and still doing the 126 hangs. But Carlos (something paper-storm pointed out) had to move in to the place he bought for them, expect just him.

He lost his group of friends he just made, and i can’t stop thinking about how awkward it must have felt for Carlos on calls which they both worked on. They’d all say hi and whatever, and Carlos had to watch from afar them move on with their lives, just without him.

The only friend we knew Carlos to have before TK was Michelle and she’s gone. He couldn’t tell his parents… which left him completely alone.

Right where TK had left him. Just this time with no one else.

In the position he was in, he needed a group of friends. His house had built, on his own, his entire life was in that house. And he lost it. Then he lost the love of his life. Then the group of friends he just made.

“Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?, Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it, She's still 23 inside her fantasy, And you're sitting in front of me

At the restaurant, when I was still the one you want ,Cross-legged in the dim light, everything was just right”

And then. After 6 months of desperately trying to move on, he gets thrown back to him after a deadly accident.

And has to confront feelings he’s not only probably tried to avoid, but had no one to tell. So he tells the only person who he can.

TK himself.

And yeah, yeah they get back together blah blah blah.

But did the 126 gang try to reach out? They call or message? What about Owen. He would have definitely known. And mostly likely scowled for TK running away like that… but ultimately knew there wasn’t anything he could do.

Or did they not? Decide they didn’t want to get involved with something they didn’t know about.

Paper-storm’s post has ruined me in way I can’t say and now only think of tarlos when I listen to right where you left me.