#and i made him bc i have no control but i know
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Hiii, srry if this idea is rlly weird but even though the family alr knows that the reader is an inventor bc they caught the reader by accident, but I thought it would be rlly funny if the reason how they found out was because reader accidentally revealed that they were inventor (they thought the bat fam alr knew)
Like one day, the reader sees Dick training and says:
"Wow, that looks as hard as the time I made a gigantic robot clown ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) !!"
"Since you what."
Or Bruce finally decided to check what the reader wants him to sign this time before asking: why do you want me to sign this?
"for my shrink machine !!" The reader said casually.
"Your what?"
"My shrink machine! ദ്ദി(•̀ ᗜ <)" The reader says as they casually pointed at their backyard, having tons of equipment and tools on the ground.
"..."
see, but that's the thing, anon: reader is very open about their invetions, they're saying stuff like that all the time!
this concept relies on haphazard events coming together to disappear with reader's inventions and get them out of trouble, but it also relies on them being neglected by the batfam and, therefore, completely overlooked! like even if they say they're gonna build a giant robot or a shrink gun, the batfam just thinks you're a completely normal teenager with a lot of hobbies. like someone else already said, it's confimation bias.
like, cool. reader is The Normalest person in the family, who happens to like carpenting. and robotics. they got a medal at school for building a remote control toy car and they built a pretty awesome treehouse in the backyard. but it doesn't go beyond that. like i said, batfam doesn't pay much attention to them.
you're right about reader assuming their family, or at least their dad, is aware of what they're doing. so it goes a bit like this:
dick: hey, damian! wanna go to the arcade?
damian: i do not have the time, grayson. i will be keeping an eye on (Y/N) today, to make sure their schemes do not go unpunished.
dick: 🙂? alright. nice to see you two getting along.
reader: we're building a anti-gravity machine! wanna see?
dick, getting a message in his phone: uh... sorry, guys, something just came up. another day, for sure. you kids have fun!
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Unpopular opinion: Nico's trauma is over rated
Okay so I'm not saying that it's not validated or anything, there's a reason it's over rated, but so many fans act like he's the only one and that no one else's trauma matters because Nico has it the worst. When did we start comparing literal trauma?? I think somebody we should look into more is honestly.. Percy. He's the main character and all, but it's almost like all the fans forgot how much he's gone through, which is CRAZY to me. Anyways I have a list cause I love making list and yeah.
1. Getting abused by his step dad, which made him feel worthless and like he didn't matter.
2. Everyone bullying him.
3. The only person who ever seemed to care about him, his mom, disappeared.
4. Getting punished bc of his father.
5. Getting accused of stealing something and getting sent on a quest at TWELVE.
6. His first friend at camp betrayed him, which gave him trust issues.
7. His best friend getting kidnapped.
8. Getting turned into a guinea pig, which actually gave him a phobia over.
9. Having suicidal thoughts while only being THIRTEEN.
10. Never thinking he is enough.
11. His other best friend being kidnapped.
12. Watching Bianica sacrifice herself after he tried to stop her.
13. Holding up the literal sky while also being injured.
14. Being blamed for Bianica's death (and believing it.)
15. Finding out Nico is a child of Hades and deciding to protect him against the Prophecy even if he hated him.
16. Annabeth mad at him bc Rachel likes him, even though he can't control that.
17. Getting lost and separated in the Labyrinth.
18. Watching Pan fade out of existence.
19. Watching Bekendorf explode on a boat.
20. Being the Demigod of the Prophecy.
21. Fighting a war on his birthday, the battle of Manhattan.
22. Watching so many people die in front of his eyes, knowing he couldn't save them.
23. Silena betraying him and the camp (I don't think she was a bad guy at the end but yea.)
24. Feeling guilty that Luke committed suicide and blaming himself when it isn't his fault (idk how true this one is but I've seen it so..)
25. Being kidnapped and all his memory taken away.
26. (This one is kinda a joke) Watching Octavian kill his pillow pet.. rip perry the panda pillow pet.
27. Being in another Prophecy of the seven.
28. Being afraid of drowning, while also being a child of Poseidian.
29. Falling into Tarturus with Annabeth.
30. Going completely psycho and mad.
31. Leaving Bob it Tarturus and feeling super guilty about it.
32. Making Gaia rise with a nosebleed.
33. Fighting in the battle of camp half blood.
34. Thinking Leo died.
35. Finally thinking he has a break and getting asked to help Apollo.
36. Becoming an older brother. (it's not like physical trauma but I'll explain it later)*
37. Jason's death.
38. Going on more quest to get college recommendation letters.
*okay so becoming an older brother was on this list because even if he was so happy to get a half sibling, he's been an only child for a long time and it's hard to accept new people in your life. Also older brother duties. Even if he was just leaving the house when she was a couple months old, I still put it on there bc many people can count it as one. Also I'm the oldest out of 6 kids growing up so I would count it lol*
And people still have the audacity to say percy was too much of a jerk in heroes of olympus, please. I would act the same way.
Anyways I actually have a list of a lot of different characters traumas cause I got bored one night so if you want to see the other list, tell me!!
#anyways i think we should talk about Percy's trauma more#percy jackson#pjo fandom#percy series#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#nico di angelo#teenagers with trauma#rick riordan
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fyi if you have a uterus and are looking to get sterilized because you either know you don’t want kids or just don’t want to take the chance i had a bilateral salpingectomy in 2022 and it was an extremely easy surgery.
i woke up with mild period-like cramps (much lighter than the ones i get on my actual period) which were gone in like 45 minutes and didn’t have any other pain. i didn’t have to take the pain meds prescribed and i don’t even think i took ibuprofen. the worst part was when i got home and my cat stepped her little 1000lb foot on one of my incisions and that was only bad because my whole body tensed up to protect it bc it scared me lol. maybe the gas pain in my shoulder from it but even that wasn’t as bad as it was when i had my gallbladder removed and it doesn’t last!
i was in and out of the hospital within a few hours. recovery was super easy. my insurance covered it “100%” as a birth control method (but the hospital itself charged me $1500 out of pocket for their facilities thanks american healthcare system!!! this was still cheaper than an ER visit i had for severe food poisoning 🙄🙄).
with a bisalp the tubes are fully removed. it can’t heal or reverse itself. you cannot get pregnant unless you pay $$$$$ to do it artificially. it also helps reduce the risk of ovarian cancer according to my surgeon bc it likes to form in the tubes.
the process was easy too! i found my surgeon from the list on r/childfree. he had actually tweeted that he will do them for women who want them without all the bs when roe got revoked. i went in prepared to argue and have my husband come in to “give permission” (how disgusting that i even have to say that) and he was like as long as you understand that insurance won’t pay for it if you ever want to get ivf it’s all good. it took like 2 months max. i think the only requirement is that you’re 21. i was 29, no kids, and had no issues!
i switched to him as my gyno even tho it’s a drive for me and that really says something about him bc i would never have considered a male gyno before. i don’t want to be too public w my location but if you are in FL DM me and i’ll give you his info. he does telehealth appts afaik so you might be able to do your consult online and just travel for the surgery and post op if you aren’t in a reasonable distance to avoid staying overnight. or just if you have more questions about the surgery. if you aren’t within traveling distance check the list on r/childfree for other doctors, they should list it by state!
i know this is a very permanent solution to only one of many issues we are all worried about right now and costs are going to be different with different levels of attainability for everyone, but it was so worth it for me. i don’t hate children but i have NEVER wanted them (my mom blamed the crying baby toys she got me as a kid haha) and i would never want to deal with pregnancy or its aftereffects. especially if it wasn’t a pregnancy i CHOSE. even without contraceptives at risk it was a good choice for me because the hormones made me nauseous ALL the time.
#non-sims#gonna delete this later but i just wanted to post in case i can help even 1 person!#i got to rec him to someone who kept getting denied the other day and i was so happy
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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this whole thing being abt rage is also really interesting. I feel like it comes up so much in fiction as a motive because it's the one emotion that's unifyingly restless while everything else can be petrifying, and just personally nothing hits like impotent rage for me, esp. with teen characters, esp. with characters whose rage is stoked by Someone Else to further that Someone Else's cause. like you'll have done all that in a bout of passion and when you're done you look around you and nothing has changed. those sentiments don't get quelled by being satisfied. righteousness withdrawal is a horrible thing to intentionally drag someone into, least of all just some kids.
#I think Ive brought my personal experience into this whole thing lol but yeah just.#the ratgrinders read so much like radicalization to me. or you know just. high control group recruitment#and I've seen that one time brennan brought up uhhh conservatism? and where people come from with that#that quote of his thats like. before youre a fascist youre a bully. like extreme sentiments take root on specific soils#and that's like a higher level than what we're talking abt here lmao it's fake fantasy high school role playing#but yeah just like. the simultaneous understanding of the grift working on these kids bc they already think a certain way#and also the other part that is no matter what the way that they think is not. conducive to them being happy#like yeah a nasty person is nasty to be around! but that also means they're often isolated#which makes them even easier prey for people who want to use them#fhjy coming out in The Current Climate makes that connection so apparent too lol like#me hearing abt the rage god: oh so like twitter#for the record of course I Dont Know if this is a read that's intended by the show#but it maps well onto my experience with radicalization/decentralized cult#Ive just. been thinking abt the rat grinders in those terms ever since I made the connection#like. you're accomplished and high level and such. is this sustainable? have you done anything For Yourself#or has everything you've done so far been coerced out of you by someone else's sweettalking#anyways if I can run porter cliffbreaker over with a car I would. and I'd reverse on him too#truly thats the highschool trauma as well as the grown man with niblings talking lmao#nothing gets me more mad than a shitty teacher#not art
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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“We met up once and it wasn't even a date. I did it for Amber. You know how she's always going on about Senne. So… Last Friday I asked him to cancel that gathering. But in exchange, for half an hour I had to…”
“Kiss?”
“Talk [to him].”
Zoenne + 30 minutes
#wtFOCK#Skam#Zoë Loockx#Senne De Smet#LOVE#Zoenne#wtFOCKEdit#Veerle Dejaeger#Nathan Naenen#SkamverseDaily#Ship Inspo#SkamRemakesEdit#s2#2x01#2x02#I love how despite agreeing with the date she never let him have the last word on it#and I love how she kept timing those 30 min and subtracting from them and even bullshitting him#all of this to keep everything under HER control#was that all because of that though? control? or was it a little bc she felt like the more time they spent together#the more she would get to know him?#yes to me she was afraid of what she already felt (for him) and that was her way to keep herself from feeling it#I love how he tries to get those 3 minutes back since she made him wait there but then softens and goes ‘it was worth it’#this was their very first Zo(en)n(e)dag#it’s their fifth first meetingversary#I bet they’re celebrating it in style
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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in honor of the wicked trailer, I'm dropping this here in case anyone's never seen it before. cynthia erivo, queen
#cynthia erivo#is there a professionally shot version of her singing this at an event?#sure#but this phone video of an actual performance canNOT be beat#the sonnets I would write about her diaphragm#the epics I would write about her breath control!#truly one of the greatest musical performers alive#this isn't my favorite show in the world#but when I saw her live in it#I legit like........sOBBED during this#sOBBED SOBBED#I'm crying just watching the video now#but I was truly inconsolable#and not just because it's a gorgeous song with a meaningful message!#but because being in the presence of someone with a steel spine iron lungs and golden vocal chords#and watching them absolutely strip the paint off the theater around you#is honestly the closest I get to a religious experience#I have a lot to say about modern broadway and the vocal gymnastics that are going too far#bc people want to be able to do this shit but like - this is not vocal gymnastics#this is a craftsman being incredibly technically skilled at their craft#and an artist who understands the medium of musical theater#it's not.......pop runs you know?#other live vocal performances that made me bleed from the eyes (positive)#sutton foster singing gimme gimme at like...21?#heather headley in aida#every single fucking performer in octet#keisha setttle (?) in waitress singing I didn't plan it#and its a different flavor#but jonathan groff in everything I've seen him in#the purity of tone!!!!!!!
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Was doing some thinking today and realized that one of the reasons I'm really drawn to Kieran is because he's a rare example of a character that's shy (and usually good-hearted) but still has some rougher edges to him.
I feel like all too often shy characters are shoved into being portrayed as either "smol bean who would never hurt anyone and just wants friends uwu" or "brooding loner who snaps at people to cover up the fact they don't actually know how to socialize" with not a lot of wiggle room in between. While I can and do enjoy characters that (arguably) fall into those respective categories, they're a bit reductive in the sense that things are very rarely that black and white in reality. Even the kindest people have a limit to what they can tolerate. They have bad days or respond poorly to events around them that cause them stress. And the same can be said in reverse as well—point being, people are multifaceted and don't always behave as predictably as we'd like to think.
And I think Kieran reflects that dichotomy perfectly. When we first meet him, he's meek, timid, and relies heavily on his more brash and forceful older sister to help him navigate social situations where he would otherwise lose out on something valuable because he's too afraid to come forward and ask for what he wants (like how she has to ask the player to battle him on his behalf). He's often quick to cower whenever she starts to get heated, but he's also not afraid to point out when he thinks she's wrong and sometimes even gets sassy with her himself. He's undeniably sweet and gentle and shows eagerness to make friends with the player, but he becomes much more curt when he notices we're lying to him about Ogerpon. The rest of the Teal Mask storyline shows him fluctuating even further—yelling at Carmine and the player for keeping secrets from him, punching things in fits of anger...then backpedaling and apologizing for the trouble he caused a few scenes later. Spreading the truth about Ogerpon to everyone in the village to help make her happy...then selfishly demanding a battle to see who's worthy of being her Trainer when she has already clearly chosen the player.
After being lied to and suffering repeated losses at our hands (including the Pokemon he's idolized all his life choosing us over him), he leans even more heavily into his bitter side during the Indigo Disk—being cold and ruthless to pretty much everyone around him, but at the end of the day it's primarily overcompensation for what he perceives as his own personal weakness (because he's still just a kid trying to be taken seriously). He's shown to drop the act on multiple occasions—most notably when he's caught off guard by our appearance at Blueberry Academy and at a few points during the Area Zero expedition. He antagonizes the player up until the moment of his defeat and tries to catch and use Terapagos in a last-ditch moment of desperation that ends up going horribly wrong, but after everything resolves he's quick to admit his mistakes and asks the player for forgiveness and if they can still be friends. After the epilogue he's mostly back to his old self, but still seems to get worked up when provoked (e.g. when he yells at Drayton for refusing to stop calling him "ex-Champ" in one of their League Club Room interactions).
And I think this varied and sometimes contradictory behavior is precisely why Kieran is such a cohesive and believable character—because it shows how even kind, well-meaning people may have a hidden darker side that can show itself under the right circumstances. How they might let their insecurities get the better of them. How a shy, timid kid might not have the experience to know how to deal with sudden feelings of frustration and/or jealousy that are far too strong to keep to himself, so he lashes out as a result. How despite all this he remains kind, sensitive and loving at his core and shows willingness to learn from his mistakes. And that is what makes him so compelling to me.
#mel's musings#kieran#pokemon#all this to say i now have brainrot and you all are going to suffer for it#me: *sees any pokemon boy with attitude problems* son? son boy? he my son boy? ;_;#kieran is also. oddly relatable to me in a way#in the sense that i was a neurodivergent kid whose overstimulation issues among other things weren't taken seriously#and it made me really bitter and angry at both the people who caused them & the people that didn't know how to deal with me#i lashed out a lot back then. i yelled and hit and said things i didn't mean and lied so i could stay in control#and while i still think i deserved better than the shit the adults who were responsible for me put me through#i do regret a lot of what i did. and i try to make up for it by being as patient as i can with others#ALSO. oc tangent time. kieran and denise are very similar in this regard#dena felt a lack of control w/ her dad leaving but couldn't blame him bc then she'd have nowhere to vent her anger#but she's also too young and too hurt to blame herself. so she lashes out at her mom instead (granted. jen made some poor choices too)#but after her treasure hunt and her first trip into area zero she sees things in a different light and is able to reconcile with her#and that's the exact reason she's able to forgive kieran so quickly. bc she had been through a similar thing with jen#i am filled with a whole WHIRLWIND of ideas for my au denise and this cast are a match made in HEAVEN#forest for the tree#mel plays scarvi
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#regret is a heavy and unproductive feeling but i feel so much of it now#i regret being too scared to send him pictures when he said he would def be ok w me using him as a diary#and even wanting me to share pics (and always when i managed to not be too scared he never made me feel unappriciated)#i regret being too scared to say yes when he talked abt having calls and video calls#i regret being too scared to share all of the things i wanted to share with him and ehat was wanted by him#i regret being too scared to easily and quickly actually listen to him when he said it's more than ok for me to send him lots of messages#and to ramble about things too him. i regret that i kept being too and too scared to do it even if i desperately wanted to#i regret that i took so long to try to face my fears and want to actually do and say and talk abt all of those things#i regret taking too long so bad... i just had never ever felt actually wanted and that my rambley words and my existence mattered to him#that was so so so new and odd for me that it took me so long to ease into#i regret being too scared to do all of it.... i regret it so much#im painfully aware of reality trust me.. and i know it will always be a 'what if'#but i regret that i was too cowardly to just be brave enough to try and tell him directly what i was thinking for 10 months#what i wanted to say was that if he just said the word i'd be all his and that i'd immediately look for any job#and use that paycheck to get a passport and a plane ticket and figure it all out with him#none of this is his fault. like trust me i understand that relationships and feelings and people and everything is complicated#and i actually know that he cares abt me... it what hurts sm ...#but i dont know what would have happened but i regret being too scared to even say it and see. bc i meant it. i really meant it :(((#but.... i know i cant live in this regret forever and that i have to learn how to accept it but#nothing has ever hurt or stung or been regretted this much for me like...#i feel like i fucked up the realest and truest connection and chance at love i've ever had and maybe ever will have? i dunno ... T-T#i regret being too scared to spam his blogs the way i wanted to and too scared to reply to him and interact with him#my fear is so stupid and god i regret letting it control me sm
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my favourite part of season 5 is still the reveal that Gabriel and Tomoe thought Adrien and Kagami made the perfect pair and wanted them to be together because it completely flips their relationship
Kagami and Adrien sneaking around and finding the slightest gaps in their schedule and giving their bodyguards/parents the slip to spend time together and feeling so clever that they’ve gotten away with it their parents don’t suspect a thing
only to smashcut to Gabriel and Tomoe doing an evil pound it because their ship is canon
#miraculous ladybug#ml s5#gabriel agreste#tomoe tsurugi#adrien agreste#kagami tsurugi#it’s the illusion of free choice™#it was a very clever plan tbf like if they told them to date it would be awkward and forced. but put them in the same room together and see#what happens… let them think it was all their idea… boom success!#then the next step is saying ‘yes i only just found out you’ve been dating kagami and i have decided to give you my permission to date her-#what do you mean you broke up a month ago and your dating the baker girl who made a hat for me one time?’#on the flipside though it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run bc kagami likes the thrill of a secret forbidden romance like#that’s partially what drove her to felix imo so if tomoe said one day ‘it’s come to my attention you’re dating the agreste boy. i approve o#of this match and have organised a date for you two on friday.’ you Know kagami would immediately go#‘oh no.. okay um so now i’m kind of feeling that everything about him that was attractive to me before isn’t really there anymore…’#also on the flipside like looking at it on a more deeper/serious level like it just goes to show how much control tomoe and gabriel have o#er their kids to the point that they would be willing to manipulate them into a relationship and then when#the two of them tried and realised it wasn’t working. instead of admitting they don’t know their children as well as they think they do#or acknowledging that their children are actual people who have their own feelings that don’t always match their parents#or coming to terms that their children aren’t extensions of their legacy and will that they can puppet however they want#instead they say ‘okay we tried the hands off way now we’ll just have to force them’
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okay i know i said yeseo is dense but manages to make it endearing. but over 130 chapters in with him still being this like...not even dense really its more like he's refusing to learn or change his biased preconceptions about cedric, now im starting to wanna strangle him a bit.
#like. dude. how much linger are you gonna refuse to examine everything he's doing for you ans how he cares for you#sure you're friends now but this is like. insane how much you just assume mean intent from him#AND LIKE. YOU CAN ASSUME GOOD INTENT FROM HIS MOTHER JUST FINE??? AND THEYRE SUPER SIMILAR#hes just super autistic can you please be a bit more receptive towards his emotionsss#and like. its not that yeseo is Unkind to cedric but he does not at ALL realize just how unfavorably biased he is towards him#and it sucks sooooo bad#not that cedric is entirely blameless he needs to control his temper and do away w at least a bit of his pride#(cough stubbornness)#but like. come ON yeseo#i know you have a mental divide between you and these people bc youre like 'im in a book and they actuallynlive in this world'#but it is so extremely pronounced with cedric#he can treat everyone else as a person instead of a character EXCEPT cedric#even worse is that he doesnt even treat him as a Character bc good characters are non-static. they grow and change#he treats cedric like he is completely static and will always be exactly the way he is in the book and it drives me fucking insaneee#it huuurts like. its not even funny to me at this point. yeseo can you please view him as his own person for 2 secondsss#EDIT: IM STILL UPSET LIKE. YESEO. HOW DO YOU HEAR CEDRIC LEGIT GO 'as you wish' AND NOT GET IT#YOU RECOGNIZE EVERY REFERENCE THE AUTHOR MADE SO FAR BUT NOT THAT ONE??? BE SERIOUS
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Chucks a baseball at his head, then zooms off in her little electrical Mercedes-Benz driveable kid's toy car.
much to barton's own surprise, he had actually been having a pretty good day so far today. not waking up drenched in sweat because you had a nightmare was always a good thing — and having appointments with all relatively easy patients as well? it was probably the closest thing that barton could get to a blessing, he thought. but of course... it seems like nothing is capable of lasting forever, including his positive mood. because one moment, barton was just humming along to a song on the radio that he was listening to as he worked on his latest 'doll,' and the next? he was being pelted in the head with a baseball. and it was like a switch had turned 'on' in barton's head instantly at this, as he began murmuring some unintelligible but probably very vulgar things underneath his breath in french, while his hands curled into partial fists.
oh, whoever had done that was going to die. that much was clear as barton turned around to look at the 'assailant' and found out that it was even worse than he originally thought, because it was her: joker. he let out an enraged cry as he quite literally shoved all of the materials off of his work desk to find the knife that he had buried underneath all of his materials. and without further ado, barton turned around, huffing angrily before he took off after joker. ❝ i warned you about hitting me with things, joker! now i am going to flay you alive, ❞ yeahhh, she was definitely in trouble now, because this is pretty accurate to what he looked like and it's somewhat akin to a rabid animal. so joker... i suggest you keep on driving, and faster:
#thewomanwholaughed#JSJSJ I'M SORRY I KNOW THAT PICTURE IS SOOO CURSED BUT I HAD TO INCLUDE IT IN HERE OKOK IT JUST REALLY ENHANCES THE IMMERSION IMO LMAOOO#alright but the fact that barton is going feral over this just shows y'all that he REALLY cannot control his anger so if y'all can...#stay as far away from him as possible while he is especially if you're the one who made him that way whether it was intentional or not-#he will be out for BLOOD 💀 and i wish i was joking about that but i'm not#tw: knife.#tw: mentions of murder.#asks.#AHH... if i have the chance to i'm DEFINITELY going to have to use this picture a second time bc it is just so funny to me in a bad way lol
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vimeo
The Ultimate Sterek Supercut - on vimeo
#teen wolf#sterek Rights#the lore#this is alltheir scenes. yes it's only 1hr16 which appears to feed the 'it was all made up from nothing' side of the argument#BUT - u have to realise that the showrunner CHOSE to drastically reduce their interactions once he became aware of the sterek fandom#truly a fandom has never been turned on the way that tw fandom was. the backtracking . Incredible to remember#was it bc d o'b hit it big w the maze runner films. was it bc tyler p was mad people paid more attention to the ship than to him#the main character.... was it JD's feeling of spiralling loss of control#this was the first fandom i remember ppl CAMPAIGNING for the ship and saying it was literally going to happen. and - more than that -#saying this ship was BETTER than certain other ships. beCAUSE it was going to happen. and /or bc it COULD happen#and they were not totally wrong right? bc this show made such a big deal out of being gay friendly 'this is a world without homophobia' &c#And yet that was a shallow statement bc the show had such a twink-centric view of sexuality. I saw a gif where Tyler P talked about how#great the show had been for the LGBT community and - I remember plenty of Gs but no Ls Bs or Ts u know#hah ok i just googled . there was a one episode lesbian couple - one of them DIED and the other went on to hook up w stiles. yell.#representación.#Vimeo#vids#reference#sterek
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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3
#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah#*way#if that makes sense#like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge#sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would#get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it#she put her name on the deeds to all my assets#so i have money but it is inaccessible#i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me#anyways! thats lowkey besides the point#my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago#but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9#n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him#but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery#so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice#its like having a real family#and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister#like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags#tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac#but yeah! this is why im so inactive#n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn
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