#and i love them fully and with my whole heart
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take my breath away
lads sylus x afab!reader (18+)
word count: ~ 1.6k
content: pre-established relationship (admittedly obsessed with husband!sylus), not proofread, corn without plot, breathplay, pet names (kitten, sweetie, cutie), needy!reader, overstimulation, unprotected sex, p in v, reposted my old work from diff fandom
when you gasp it's like something snaps.
your whole body quakes as euphoria floods through you, high-pitched cries tumbling from your lips and your nails leaving pretty red patterns all over your husband’s back. sylus is a pro at many things, but he's especially talented at hitting that delicate spot inside you for the third time tonight, flipping the switch in your brain that turns off all the thoughts focused on anything but him.
you don’t remember how this started, whether you had a bad day or he did, or what precisely it was that has you a fucked out doll at his disposal. shit, you’re not even sure how your day went at all right now, but you aren’t complaining.
on the contrary, you’re begging. your hole is sensitive, that's an understatement, but it’s still drinking in his fingers desperately. it's so good, so addictive when sylus fills you up, whether it’s his long fingers or his cock, your pussy craves more each second.
but now sylus isn’t moving and your recovering walls feel neglected without his fingers massaging into them. “no, no,” you whimper, lightly smacking at his arm. “need more… wanna cum again.”
your hiccups seem to grab sylus's attention again, his crimson gaze heavy yet curious. somehow, even in your pleasured haze, you recognize the expression. he wants something from you and, of course, you automatically want to give it to him as soon as he tells you what it is. He pulls his fingers from you with a sloppy wet sound that has your eyes rolling, your hole clenching as though begging to be stretched again, needing to be filled.
“sweetie,” sylus slurs, his voice intoxicatingly deep with a tempting lull to his words. “will you make that sound…” his voice catches, tense with his own growing arousal that's evident in the way his brows furrow as he tries to find his words. “make that pretty noise again for me.”
your brows furrow for a moment and you think you notice him using his wet hand to push his boxers down, the other traveling up to the base of your neck. he presses gently, tentatively, a tender massage that eases your breath, makes you comfortable enough to find your voice and ask, “what n—?”
the question catches in your throat, breath hitching beneath his palm as he squeezes. your eyes widen, an internal scream of I can’t breathe! causing your heart to skip a beat. but sylus’s grip loosens just before the panic fully manifests and oxygen floods into your lungs, the relief racing both up to fill your head and down to pool between your thighs.
“that.”
oh. your thinking is still cloudy, sentences not linking together properly, words not articulating, but you think you know what he’s talking about. how fitting.
sylus fucking likes the sound of you choking, the melody of you gasping and whimpering, even more vulnerable at his hands than you already are. and, honestly, it works out, because you love the way it feels when he chokes you. you know he's at war with himself internally, weighing out his own pleasure and your comfort. always so thoughtful. you respond with your own hand resting gently on top of his, squeezing it as if to urge him to continue.
sylus seems a bit relieved and he leans down to press a hungry kiss to your lips, catching your lower lip between his teeth before swiping his tongue over it and pulling back just enough to whisper, “so you like that, kitten?” he sounds a bit hopeful and if you could think properly, you’d say it was cute.
“yes,” it’s a blend of a hiccup, a sob, and likely a deranged giggle. your hand flutters on top of his, pressing it down into your neck.
that’s all he needs to hear.
it’s as simple as a flex of his perfect fingers that gets you to keen, your movements in tandem with his as you hook your legs around his waist. your expression, the beautiful sounds leaving you, and the steady stream of bliss dripping from your hole—it has him hard and throbbing as he positions himself between your legs.
you’d whine if you could, but your voice is hidden behind sylus's giant hand, your breath shallow. you see stars when he slides into you, the stretch making your mouth fall open in a stifled scream, drool trickling from the corner of your lips. you’re unable to take the breath you usually would, to steady yourself, to keep yourself from unraveling then and there. no, now you’re only able to clench, to grip him with your needy walls. your mind is melting and his oh-so-intoxicating voice only adds fuel to the fire.
“you’re so beautiful, sweetie. always, but especially when you’re like this,” sylus groans, his hips rocking into a pace that has you silently sobbing, the pleasure overwhelming. it’s like both of you have forgotten the level of your sensitivity, your orgasms in the past hour brushed aside. the focus is on how badly you want more, more, more right now.
sylus is creating a pattern, lightening his grip on your neck only to slam into you right as you’re trying to recover with a breath. “you like it when you’re fucked stupid, huh?” he pants between thrusts. “my kitten just wants to be full of my cock?”
your acquiescence is broken up into too many syllables, otherwise reduced to gasps and fluttering lashes. your nails dig pretty red crescents into his arms, tears spilling from your eyes as your lungs are tempted again and again, the rush of air being abruptly stopped and sylus pounding into your pussy enough to drive you crazy, if you aren’t already.
sylus is equally drunk on your pussy; the way it pulls him into your heat, how your walls massage his cock each time he slams into you. it always feels like he’s reminding you that your pussy is all his, just for him. it's always been his goal; by the end of these late nights all you can remember is him, his cock and how nothing will ever fill you as perfectly.
“aw, my needy little kitten, can’t think of anything but how good you feel right now, hm?” you think you nod, your teary chin hitting the back of his hand as his grasp tightens again. “there you go, sweetie,” he groans, his half-lidded gaze drinking up your tears and gasps. “feel so good you can't stop crying, hm? oh you’re so beautiful. so beautiful and all fucking mine.”
maybe it’s something about the way your eyes roll back, your lips parted in a suspended gasp, the rosy flush that’s filled your cheeks—whatever it is causes sylus’s hips to stutter, pushing into you at a depth that, if you weren’t already suffocating, would take your breath away.
he lets go, his hand moving to brace himself through his own climax as it mixes with yours and you break down into delighted gasping sobs. “sy,” your voice is hoarse, broken, but the way your fingers trail up and down his forearm proves that it’s all in bliss. “holy shit, you're so—so good, it’s so… it feels so good.”
sylus chuckles breathlessly, the rough pads of his fingers going to draw soothing circles on the reddening skin of your neck. “you’re too perfect for me.” he hums and trails kisses from your neck to your jaw, finally ending at your lips.
his kisses are soft, far more tender than the roughness of his fingers around your throat, each one planting seeds of reality in your thoughts, slowly bringing your vocabulary back together in a way that makes sense, but not enough to draw you out from the pleasure that still has you shivering. “you did so well, sweetie,” he soothes into your lips, taking your weary giggles into his adoring kiss. “you’re absolutely amazing.”
there’s a beat of hesitancy and Sylus takes the time to slowly pull out of you, trying to keep his eyes away from the way your hole tenses, a milky stream being pushed out and drawn back in with every pulse. He settles next to you and pulls you into his arms, stroking your hair and steadying his breathing to help inspire yours to calm.
“sweetie?” he starts and you can barely place the discomfort in his tone. “that wasn't…” his brows furrow as the words escape him and he almost looks sheepish when he meets your gaze. so out of character, yet so endearing. “i didn’t hurt you… right?”
the laugh that leaves you is a bit more stable, genuine in its amusement. words are still proving to be difficult, due to both the mental toll and the physical pull on your throat, but you think you can get the point across when you kiss him. “no... didn’t hurt. i liked it—really liked it.”
relief fills sylus’s sigh and he kisses your forehead, a small smile on his face when he pulls away to look at you. his eyes scan your equally red neck and you absently doodle invisible patterns on his bare chest, peeking up at him through your lashes.
“what is it, cutie?” sylus asks in that irresistible timbre as he studies your needy expression. He knows what you want, but he’s fully prepared to keep you in his arms for just a bit longer and, thankfully, you’re in agreement.
“need… a lil’ break…” you admit, nuzzling into his chest with a soft sigh. “but…” you peek up at him again with an adorable amount of playful shyness that makes his heart skip a beat.
“i can go again.”
#⋆。˚ ☁︎ yu writes (again) ˚☽˚。⋆#sy 🐦⬛ smut#sylus x reader#lads x reader#lads sylus#yes i reposted from a because it applies hush i can't unthink it#now for xavier whatEver#banners by cafekitsune#i'll figure out photos i swear i can't remember how to do this ahem#lads smut#sylus smut#lnds smut
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I fully agree !!
I will have one day a full arm covered in tattoos of things that saved my life at some point or at least kept me going. I'm nearly 40 and I already had a lot of hyperfixations in my life until now. That's a common thing for us neuro divergent people I guess. And yeah I can confirm that the love never really leave. I still love Merlin bbc, Doctor Who, etc. with my whole heart but I do not obsess over them like I used to. And that's okay. They are still important to me.
Recently I am terribly afraid of loosing the hyperfixation I have for Good Omens.
I love them with all my soul so much but im terrified of waking up one day and not loving them anymore.
It's almost like I wasn't the one who choose what I love but a random part in my brain with a gauge that will end at some point or another while I would have liked it to last forever.
Does anyone relate to this ? Has anyone written something about it ?
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okay disclaimer: ik that categorizing female characters as the 'mom friend/figure' is a legit disease in fandom caused by general misogynistic views of female characters, and it's something that personally greatly irritates me bc its not only awful to do, it also tends to ruin the characters its put upon. ESPECIALLY in D2, which is outstanding in its cast of strong female characters
however. in the case of Eramis, I do believe that the fact that she was a mother and is a genuinely caring, nurturing person at heart is something that is a deeply important core part of her character, as well as thematically important to the future of the Eliskni moving forward. It's important because in her case, I believe that her motherly inclinations are why, pre-Witness-whispering-through-the-Darkness, Eramis was such a successful kell- because unlike some other kells who sought a future for the Eliksni via domination, her main focus for them was to create a haven for her people that could be defended from Lightbearers. Riis-Reborn wasn't something to sniff at- it was the closest thing to an actual Eliksni city in a very long while. What got her was her trauma of the Whirlwind and her desire to destroy the Traveler to level the playing field for everyone involved- trauma that the Witness preyed upon in order to get to us. Like a parasite, seeking its secondary host. Eramis certainly is not the only Eliksni who lost her family during the Whirlwind, but I think that her specific brand of anger is closest to that of a mother lion whose cubs are in danger, and is lashing out in a furious fight-or-flight reflex at anything that she perceives as a threat. It's just that in this case, her 'cubs' were the Eliksni as a whole, and the threat she perceived before the Witness started torturing her was the Traveler.
I also think that her relationship with parenthood also makes for a very interesting character contrast to Misraaks (aka the other successful kell viewed as a source of hope for the Eliksni), and helps to set them up as antiparallels to each other. Eramis was a gentle, nurturing mother with a reverence for the Traveler who turned into the bitter, cunning warrior we see now when she lost access to her wife and children; Misraaks was a fearsome, ruthless pirate before he became a father, which gentled him and turned him towards being more pious. Eramis represents the old ways, and offers hope to the Eliksni who cannot bear to cohabitate with humanity; Misraaks represents a change in the tide, and kells the open-minded Eliksni who are willing to lay down their arms to live among the humans of Sol. Misraaks is of Light (change, forgiveness, moving forward), while Eramis is of Darkness (memory, control, looking back). They're opposites in every way except for the fact that both of them were/are amazing parents, and I'd argue that their ability to nurture and overlook others is what led to their success as kells.
Most importantly, however, is their relationship to Eido, who represents the future of the Eliksni. Misraaks was her father, and he did his best to raise her to be kind and openminded, but he also shielded her from the horrors of the past a little too well. She's outgrown that, and now that she's strong enough to handle said horrors, Eramis has been acting as a mentor to fully introduce her to the tragedy of what she lost and why elder Eliksni are so angry about it- and I don't think that she would have been receptive to Eido attempting to talk to her if it weren't for the fact that under all of her prickly armour, she's still that nurturing person at heart. It's her desire to care for others and to see a better future for her people that has kept her going despite her having no hope for herself, and it's that loving heart that has saved herself and her people from utter destruction at both our hands and Fikrul's- because if she didn't look at eido and go 'oh this child is the future of our people and i must protect her with my life', then both her and the rest of House Salvation would have been marked for death. And now here she is, continuing to care for Eido even as her father declines by telling her stories about Riis and helping her track down an apothecary to try to cure him, despite her not believing in his ways. I don't think it's entirely because she used to be a mother, but...I do think that it's playing a huge role in it.
(I also think it's personally fascinating to see how someone who used to be known for being a doting, sweet mom to her hatchlings and a caring mate to her wife can turn into someone who's a terrifying warrior on the battlefield and a cunning, politically saavy ruler, but even then, that doesn't surprise me all that much- if you've got a dearth of experience wrangling hatchlings, then being kell of a house is basically just wrangling a bunch of grown-up hatchlings. Same principles, just upped a level or two in complexity.)
#destiny 2#meta analysis#eramis#misraaks#eido#like. i think that eramis is the one (1) example in d2 where motherhood is important to her character#genuinely i can't think of anyone else#even savathun seeking the mother morph was entirely just to live longer instead of being a mom#inaaks maybe but i dont think her being a mother was a core part of her character#like sure it explained why misraaks was the way he was but her story was about the trauma of the drift#whereas with eramis i def. think that her losing access to her wife and children was something that defined how she dealt with her trauma#getting forever locked into this desperate broody hen mode of needing to get those under her to safety#while also ferociously lashing out at everyone and anything she saw as a threat#but do you guys see what i'm seeing here. please tell me you do bc my brain is fried
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Puppy- Pedri
Life has been a lot recently I moved away from my hometown and my parents to move in with my boyfriend after being long distance for nearly two years. Getting to live with him has been amazing I love Pedri so much and now we don't have to miss each other in between being able to visit one another. Moving from Tenerife to Barcelona has also meant I needed to find a new job which luckily didn't take long so I've just started at a new company and moved which is a lot all at once but so far it's been mostly good.
I do feel like I'm kind of just getting through each day I wake up and then I'm at work and then I come back home again. My life doesn't feel like my life anymore I had a whole routine back home but now everything is different and I don't have the little things in my routine that helped each day feel less mundane. The best part of my day is when Pedri gets home and we can cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie which has become a daily routine. Don't get me wrong I love my new life as I get to be with Pedri but it's a lot of change all at once and I feel like it's finally catching up to me and I'm starting to miss home a little.
It's going to take some time to get used to being here but I'm sure eventually Barcelona will start to feel like home and I'll forget all about this time where I felt out of place. I know this is where I'm supposed to be as otherwise Pedri would've never come into my life and he's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me. When we get used to living together and I get used to the city I'm sure it will all be perfect right now we are just going through an adjustment period.
Pedri's POV
Like most days when Y/n got home she seemed stressed until she saw me then she put a fake smile on her face. I can tell she's faking it because the smile didn't reach her eyes like it always does when she's actually smiling. I know the move has been a lot on her we both knew the first few weeks would be hard but I can tell she's still struggling and that just breaks my heart. It's not that she doesn't want to be here as when we go places together she really enjoys herself but whenever I have to leave her or she goes to work the next time I see her she looks stressed and just generally unhappy.
I should've known that moving so far from home and getting a new job all at the same time would be hard for her but I underestimated how big of a change that would be for her. I remember when I first moved here I didn't know anyone and it was my first time living alone it was scary and I missed home a lot and that must be how y/n feels as I know she is really close to her family so not being close to them distance wise anymore is difficult. I want to do something to make her feel more at home here but I have no idea what the right thing to do is as I can't just magically help her settle in.
This has been on my mind for a few days and I can't decide the right thing to do so I've decided that I'm going to ask some of the other guys if they have any ideas. I've told Ferran about my dilemma but he was no use and the same goes for Gavi neither of them gave me any serious ideas they just joked around like they always do. Asking them made it clear that I need to talk to one of the older guys who might actually offer some sensible advice.
"Hey Raphinha can I get your advice on something?" I asked
"Of course man what's up" he said
"You know y/n moved in with me a few months ago well I just feel like she hasn't fully settled in and I don't know what to do she just seems stressed and unhappy" I said
"That's hard she must just miss home I know this isn't the answer your looking for but time is the best thing for that and just talk to her asking her how she feels will help you understand what you can do to take some of the stress away" he advised
"Thanks man I'll definitely talk to her" I said
"Wait Pedri did you say y/'s missing home" one of coaches said from across the hallway
"Yeah she just seems to be lonely I guess she's only got me and anyone I've introduced her to so when we aren't around that's when she seems to be the worst" I said
"This might not be the solution you're looking for but my brother found a puppy dumped in a bin last night maybe having something in the house would help y/n feel less lonely if you want to meet the puppy I'll give you my brothers number" he said
"Actually that sounds like a great idea" I said
Getting a puppy was definitely not something I'd planned on doing for a while as I'm not around as much as I would need to be to look after a dog and I didn't want to put that all on y/n as she's getting used to life here but maybe it would be good for her. Having a little puppy around the house to keep her company while I'm not around sounds like a great idea to me and she can meet new people taking the dog for a walk.
~~~~~~~~~~
After seeing the puppy my mind was made up he was so sweet and he reminded me a lot of the family dog y/n has back home which seemed like a sign that this was the decision I needed to make. It took a few days to get everything sorted but finally today I picked up the puppy and brought him home to explore a bit before y/n got home from work. So far he's done just that he hasn't stopped running around and playing with the few toys I got him as well as my shoes but we will work on stopping that another day.
Your POV
Today has been a long day we had a big presentation at work today and I had a few important meetings and now I'm just exhausted. When I pulled into the driveway Pedri's car was already there and that made me feel a little better as seeing him and cuddling with him sounds like it will make all my problems go away at least for tonight. As I entered the door I saw a little plastic ball on the floor which had me confused as I don't know why Pedri would have one of those or why it would just be on the floor. Then it all made sense when a tiny ball of black fluff ran towards me grabbed the ball and ran away again towards Pedri who picked up the puppy and brought it towards me.
As soon as he placed the puppy in my arms I was in love it looked exactly like my parents dog back home which they got when I was little and we grew up together. Holding the puppy made me feel like I had a bit of home with me and it reminded me of my childhood and all of the photos I have with my parents dog.
"Whose dog is this?" I asked Pedri
"He's ours" he said
"I have so many questions" I said
"Well one of our coaches at the club overheard me talking to Raphinha about how I think you've been missing home and feeling lonely here and said that his brother found a puppy dumped in a bin so I went and met the puppy and instantly knew he'd be a perfect fit for us and I know we both have busy lives but I thought he'd keep you company while I'm away" Pedri explained
"Who would dump this little cutie" I cooed to the puppy
"I do have one last question does he have a name yet?" He asked
"I haven't properly named him yet as I didn't want to do it without you but I was thinking we could call him Nilo" he said
"I like that welcome to our crazy household Nilo" I said
Pedri took my bag off me while I took Nilo to the living room so I could sit and play with him to destress from my day. It didn't take long for Pedri to join us and we both threw the little ball across the room and watched little Nilo scamper after it. A puppy would've been the last thing I thought I wanted if you'd have asked me even just yesterday but I actually think Pedri is right Nilo is going to be great at keeping me company when no one else is here and having such a happy little thing here to greet me when I get home is definitely going to brighten my days. It feels like I've got a little bit of my life from back home here now that we have a dog and hopefully that will help make Barcelona feel like home.
For the rest of the night we didn't take our attention off Nilo but eventually we had to go to bed now we had agreed that Nilo wouldn't sleep in the bed with us but that went out the window within two seconds. As soon as we saw him sitting on the floor in his bed whimpering and wanting our attention Pedri got up and put him on our bed which stopped his crying instantly. Nilo was quick to make himself comfy in my arms as Pedri put his arms around me and we settled down for the night as some sort of weird family.
"Thank you for getting Nilo just having him here has made me feel more at home" I said
"There's no need to thank me I just want you to be comfortable here and honestly as soon as I saw him there was no way I was leaving without him he was just too cute" Pedri laughed
"He certainly is cute you have competition now" I joked
"I don't think I'm going to win that competition" he said
"No you won't but I still love you" I said
"More than Nilo?" He asked
"Of course for now at least" I joked
Pedri rolled his eyes but I know he feels the exact same way I do.
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Ok I'm halway through the D&D stream by now and HOLY SHIT I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS MY HEART IS RACING I'M ASHFGHORO
(spoilers incoming)
First of all, what do you MEAN Andre Beetroot was a prince this whole time?? And he faught in a war?? DOES THAT MEAN THAT DITCH WERE ALSO IN THIS WAR?? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS but holy shit that is some amazing worldbuilding
I have never been more excited to hear about nazi chinchillas before in my life
THEY KILLED OFF JIMMY (the hare not the police) :(( I fully gasped out loud when Sam described that dead body oh my god Sam wHY
Absolutely LOVING the cameos so far! I can't tell if the male body is David or Peter (kinda hoping that it's David cause I will literally riot if Peter was killed off) but either way WHAT THE HELL SAM?
I knew that Fullset is weird as hell, but I didn't realise he was this weird. Why is Luke so good at playing absolute weirdos?
Sam is an incredible DM! I dunno if he had practice before but he's an absolute natural, such an engaging storyteller and amazing at yes-and-ing the campaigners (which makes sense cause he's an improviser lol)
BUBBA??? I'M FREAKING OUT OH MY GOD DON'T TELL ME JEREMIAH IS DEAD IN THIS UNIVERSE TOO, SAM IF YOU KILL OFF JEREMIAH IN THIS CAMPAIGN I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
The good thing about watching the playback instead of the livestream is that I get to skip the 10-minute break :D (I'm just coping with the fact that I missed the livestream)
I'm in love with this concept and I'm practically on my knees begging for them to do more campaigns like this in the future, I have so many ideas for character concepts! Also it's so fun to see these cameos and go "I know that reference!"
#shoot from the hip#sfth dnd#junyu watches sfth#<- inspired by emu to organise my posts more :]#also sorry for the abundance of all caps lol#I'm very passionate about this in case you couldn't tell
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sometimes i forget how much i mean to people
#berry's shitposts#i just remembered. basically#yesterday me and my neighbor (to my mutuals yes it's the one that has the egg laying rats)#were just talking to each other#since i just moved to a new school and we go to different ones#i was talking abt someone that i was becoming close friends with bc i could relate to them and also gossip and shit#and she was like ''better stalk this guy bc ain't no way ur replacing me'' or something along the lines of that#and since i didn't really absorb that what she said was half serious#i joked that i was gonna replace them (i would never tbh)#and i think she got mad 😭#and i also remembered a time where#my online friend and i were also just chatting#we're former classmates so he's talking abt what's happening back at his school#and he was talking abt how he fought someone over me#AND I COULDN'T FATHOM THAT 😭#that i could ever be like. extremely just. of value to them#or how much i matter#bc i'm very aware of how much my friends matter to me#and i love them fully and with my whole heart#but i have a hard time absorbing that i'm also just as valuable to them#and that i'm not just some regular person they talk to compared to the hundreds of people they've met atp#💔#RASHRAKJSRHAKJSRHAJKS#i'm aware that other people have lives i'm aware that a lot of things mean to people#but like i'm not aware of the fact that i actually have. an impact. on people's lives#???? how does that work. someone tell me
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Hiiii, if it's not too much, can you describe the biggest differences between the live action characters and the novel characters in MDZS? They are a lot, so I will love even the difference between few of them! I haven't seen the live action and I don't know if I will ever, but I am curious, considering all the meta. Anyway, thank you in general, even if you don't answer!
Hello anon! This has been in the inbox forever because there are soooo many ways to answer this! However, let me be transparent that I've watched maybe like 1/10 of CQL. Among other obstacles, I simply do not care that much about Lan Wangji and he's always there (even though Wang Yibo is giving it his all... it's not his fault I'm a hater...). Chewing through a book with Ms. Mxtx's commentary was just more enjoyable to me, and even then, to be honest, I still liked SVSSS better. (I just love Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu so much. That dude is wild.)
Still, the live action definitely affected how I understood certain characters (...primarily Nie Huaisang) and made me interested in relationships that I didn't pay any attention to in the novel. (I freely admit that the nieyao brainrot is 100% CQL's fault.) Also I found Wang Zhuocheng's Jiang Cheng very cute and loveable. It definitely contributed to my Jiang Cheng Brain Disease.
LISTEN. HE HAS BIG SAD EYES AND THE MEANEST SNEER AND HE MIGHT BURST INTO TEARS AT ANY TIME. HE IS A BABY. A baby who could kill you with his terrifying lightning whip! But a baby nonetheless, to me.
So if you want someone with a real and knowledgeable opinion on the live action, I'm probably not the right person for that! However, here's one difference that changed a bunch of stuff about the characters that I found compelling in the novel: the second flautist.
CQL adds Su She as a second flautist doing unorthodox cultivation in a couple of different places, including at Qiongqi Path, where he seizes control of Wen Ning and is therefore responsible for Jin Zixuan's death. Removing the responsibility for Jin Zixuan's death from Wei Wuxian creates a bunch of cascading character and relationship implications that I don't love.
Firstly, all of the people who cautioned Wei Wuxian against his unorthodox cultivation are now... wrong. If he never lost control, then actually his assessment that he could maintain control wasn't overconfidence, it was just true, and he was persecuted because the Jin needed a scapegoat and wanted the Yin Tiger Tally, not because his cultivation path actually involved significant risks and drawbacks. (To be fair, the Jins actively exploited those drawbacks, the public perception of his cultivation, and Wei Wuxian's failure to manage his reputation. But it matters whether the risks exist or are just made up.)
Secondly, removing his responsibility for Jin Zixuan's death transforms both Wei Wuxian's character and how we understand his relationships with Jiang Yanli, Jiang Cheng, and Jin Ling. Because, in the novel, he kills Jin Zixuan under duress but also after a lifetime of conflict with him. Like, he hates the dude, he doesn't think he's worthy of Jiang Yanli, and he's not willing to examine his hatred and resentment even though Jiang Yanli loves Jin Zixuan and wants to marry him, even after she marries him and has a child with him. (I would argue that a lot of the resentment is because of the eventual marriage; by marrying Jiang Yanli, Jin Zixuan becomes legally recognized family to the Jiang siblings, while Wei Wuxian's relationship with them has no social recognition; I think Wei Wuxian is deeply threatened by that but can't articulate it.) It's a huge failure! Like, dude, you loved someone and you killed that person's beloved spouse. That points to a certain degree of repressed jealousy, possessiveness, longing, arrogance, the list goes on... I am so compelled by that conflict, and the adaptation just erases it.
This also affects how we read Jin Ling's relationship with Wei Wuxian. In one scenario, a teenage Jin Ling is (eventually, minus one little stab) ending the cycle of violence by not seeking vengeance for his father's murder. In the other, it was actually someone associated with Jin Ling's paternal family that killed his father, and he's maybe just... coming to terms with that? One of these scenarios is so much richer and more interesting.
How it affects the relationship between Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian is a little more subtle. It locates the responsibility for a lot of the harm done to the Jiang siblings with the Jin sect, not with Wei Wuxian, removing some of Wei Wuxian's culpability in the devolution of his relationship with Jiang Cheng. If Wei Wuxian isn't guilty of wronging the Jiang family (and instead is also a victim of the Jin sect), then all of Jiang Cheng's rage and betrayal was misdirected. They were both tricked. In some ways, maybe that's easier to patch up after canon? (I wonder if this is why many CQL yunmeng shuangjie reconciliation fics have Jiang Cheng apologize to Wei Wuxian, but not the other way around?) But it's so much less interesting to me!
Finally, it removes Wei Wuxian's tragic flaw! Dude is legitimately a genius but he's got hubris coming out of his ears and it fucks him up big time! This is classic stuff. Please stop flattening my boy!!
#alas I am outed as a fake CQL fan after all#sorry y'all#I love all the edits though. I am stuffing them into my horrible little mouth every day#I'm the worst kind of fake CQL fan because my brain has fully mashed some of the series I've seen together with the novel events#FINALLY I JUST LOVE... CQL NIEYAO... YUM YUM YUM... THEY ARE CRAZY TOGETHER!!#THEY BOTH GET SOOO UPSET OVER THE BREAKUP!!#wen yao in nmj's memories... the brAIDS UNDER THE HAT#also qin su had .5 seconds of screen time and I fell in love with her#slap your husband qin su!! go apeshit!! you deserve it girl!! she survived that stab in my heart 🥲#anyway maybe one day I'll watch the whole thing. unfortunately I am not very compelled by canon wangxian#I also don't know how I ended up here. the jiang cheng brain disease got me good#wei wuxian#jin zixuan#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#jin ling#qin su#yunmeng shuangjie#yunmeng trio#xuanli#nieyao#mdzs +#anon asks#asks#least-carpet thoughts
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ORV SPOILERS ORV SPOILERS AHEAD (ch 527)
OH MY GOD "Maybe I shouldn't have given you the name of Dokja" THAT"S AN INSANE LINE OH MY GOD BECAUSE MAYBE IF HE WASN"T READER HE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO SUFFER AL LTHIS BUT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD!! TWSA WAS HIS SALVATION!! LKAJDOGIHEWOGIHDSLF SJDOS DX THAT LINE IS A GUT PUNCH. OW. OSDUGOSDGIUDOHSSgjfdLSKDFJSLDKJFDSKL. KILLER LINE. KILELED ME IM DEAD. GOD. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN YOU THE NAME OF DOKJA!!!!!!!! IT HAS BOTH SAVED AND DAMNED YOU!!!!!!!!! KIM DOKJA YOU FUCKER!!!!!!!!
just any section of the novel where all the companions are reflecting on kdj is so fucking tragic ToT. Lee jihye,,,,holding the coin and knowing it exists bt being unable to open her hand,,,,,how so many of them do not want to go back to the scenarios and the hellish world they fought out of, but will go anyway,,,,,,bc even though this is the kdj that saved them in the scenarios, and they want to stay with him soso bad, they still want to save the rest of him, who he was and his story from before the scenario, from before he was the dkos. Because his beginning was probaby much less grandiose!! and they still want to save him!! the one who read twsa!!! and was a child!! and a person!!! someone so dear to them but so unkown!!!! bc how can you love someone you don't know much ab but what would kdj have done???? if it was one of them??????? OUGSHDKSDKGLDHAKHDSLKGHSDLGKHLSDKGHLDSKGHLSKDHLFKDSJL
also sp's ending. arguably a really happy one. his expression was liberated. o(-(.
THEM PLANNING OUT THE SCENARIOS FOR GROUP REGRESSION TGT!!! THE WAY THEY ALL HATED SCENARISO WIT HTHEIR ENTIRE BEING BUT ARE STILL EXCITED!! BC!! BEING IN SCENARIOS REMINDS THEM OF TIME SPENT WITH A CERTAIN KDJ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ugh i love them sm
#ORV ORV ORV ORV ILU CROWN OF MY HEART#orv#orv spoilers#kim dokja#kimcom#UGH#i love them all sm......................................................................#radio's rambles#I FUCKING LOVE ORV YALL OMG#spoilers----------------------still kind of a shock how biyoo just started talking whole sentences like ok??? slay??? fully developed vocal#abilities???? pop off ig
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GOD I would HATE to be stuck at a family dinner with them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I would NOT fucking survive, the vibes alone would do 1000 points poison damage to me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Also JUST. JUST.
THE VIBES. ARE RANCID. SHARENA DARLING YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS (ALFPNSE TOO BUT DEAR LORD. Sharena LITERALLY was just told to Don't Speak Unless Spoken To RANCID. RANCID FUCKING FAMILY)
#I SAID I WOULDN'T DOCUMEBT THE WHOLE THING. BUT COME ON#gustav hits alfonse with the 'and' 😐🤨 and if i were him i would be internally exploding instantly.#HENRIETTE HITS ALFONSE W THE 'he missed you soooooo much 😊😊😊😊😊😇😇😇' and BY GOD. IF I WERE ALFONSE#i would SHATTER. LIKE GLASS. INSTANTLY. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#my BITCHASS FUCKING BAD WHO'S BEEN SILENT TREATMENTINF ME FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG#BC I HAD THE AUDACITY TO MAKE A CHOICE?????????? BC I DARED HAVE AUTONOMY????????? FREE WILL???????#ohhhh my god and sharena. SHARENA. DARLING. BELOVED. DEAR. how have you not SNAPPED#girl if i were you this would be my villain origin story.#i mean. if. moe is anything to go by.#gooooddddddddddddd.#HELP THE TYPO IN MY TAGS.... OF 'BAD' INSTEAD OF 'DAD'....... freudian slip. but am i wrong#GOOODDDDD BUT. HAVING. EYES. THAT KNOW. EVERYTHING. THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE#INSANE!!!!!! INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc i DO ACTUALLY BELIEVE HENRIETTE NOW??? WHEN SHE SAYS THAT ABOUT GUSTAV?!?????#SHE'S. the ONLY person in the goddamn fucking WORLD. who would know this. who would be able to read this. what the FUCK#but like THAT STILL DOESN'T MAKE HIM ANY BETTER...... gooooddddddd I HATE IT. HATE IT#when the love IS there it's just fucking stupid bc nobody here is normal. about anything. making an endlessly complicated situation#type of shit that has made it so i never believe that anyone genuinely likes me. type of shit that makes me never believe an 'i love you'#UNLESS. if it's from my sisters i trust them w my entire heart. but holy shit it actually took them directly stating it#AS. AN ADULT. AT THIS TIME. for me to actually believe it. and fully actually accept it.#HELP AND ALSO... EVERY TIME GUSTAV CALLS ALFPNSE 'Son.' IT'S.. SO FUNNY TO ME IDK WHY#i just read it in that one voice/cadence. of that katamari post. my gay ass son who i hate. HELP#i need to find that again hold on#but first#fe alfonse#sharena#fe henriette#fe gustav#book 3 replaying#feh
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Savannah Brown, from Closer Baby Closer; “Notes on your dramatic exit from the house party”
#achilles petrova#achilles x anastasia#ashtya#otp: you are loved fully#mine#that's def something mnemosyne told him#that's the definition of their curse#it's sad#i love them w/ my whole heart#comfort otp
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my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)
#they were still adjusting to living life without struggling to survive#a girl should not be jumping into a relationship the same week she just tried her first piece of non-rotten food lol#thats not to say I don't like the canon ships#but mal married literally the FIRST man she met in auradon. at 18.#and even as far as in descendants 2 we see them still struggling to adjust in different ways (mainly mal)#in d3 they seem to have fully assimilated into life in Auradon (as much as a VK can anyway)#so it makes sense for them to THEN seek out relationships if that's what they want.#but disney ofc wanted to act like romantic love just automatically fixes a person's problems ig?? as if a relationship wouldn't just be#added stress given the position the VKs were in in d1#not to mention dating just like. wasnt a thing on the isle (mal even says this)#and I get that the kids are craving to be loved because their parents didn't gaf about them. But I wish the first movie focused more on the#finding that love in each other than romantically with outside people. a sort of “they had love in them all along” moment.#and then this fandom loves to argue about whether Jarlos/Janelos was 'rushed'. at least Carlos (and Jay +lonnie) waited a few months before#throwing themselves into the dating scene. Poor evie had her heart broken within like 3 days of being in Auradon. no wonder she was willing#to help steal the wand lol.#Anyway to wrap up this rant I didn't even mean to go on#I just think that kids who have spent the first 14-16 years of their lives fighting to survive and being put through continuous trauma on a#daily basis don't need dating right away. they need THERAPY.#if anyone here has seen stranger things its kinda an El and Mike situation were its like. the girl grew up in a lab and fell for the first#boy in regular society who was kinda nice to her lol. thats how I view Mal and Ben#same with doug and evie. he was nicer than chad but he still fell for her for her looks and she still fell for him because he was the first#guy in auradon to be genuinely interested in her. also evie had a whole “I dont need a prince” arc and ended up with a man anyway?#my problem with janelos was always that Carlos never quite worked out his mommy issues or his anxiety. I feel like he'd be afraid of hurtin#her even though that boy wouldn't hurt a fly. and we see Jane get pretty stressed out herself- have you ever been in a relationship where#both of you have anxiety? cause it either goes really well (you help keep each other calm) or REALLY terribly (you make each other spiral)#I actually really liked Lonnie and Jay (though I feel like it would've had a bigger payoff if she was in d3. not sure why she wasn't but I#wont dunk on that because it couldve been smth to do with her actress). I think Lonnie is someone who can 'handle' Jay well and match his#energy. And I like the idea of Jay finding someone he's loyal to after being commitment-phobic for 1 1/2 movies and the whole first book lo#and ofc I have to throw this in here: any auradon kid the VKs get with is never going to grasp even half of what they went through.#this doesnt mean they can't try to understand and be empathetic. but it will always cast a shadow on VK/AK relationships.
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nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love
henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens
#am i happy with this? no. am i posting anyway? you bet your ass i am#another largely experimental post so take it with a grain of salt#honestly i could've just posted the achilles comparison part on its own and liked it better#cause that's really the part i wanted to get to#BUT the song lyrics are so load-bearing to this post. they started the whole thing. so it didn't feel right kicking them to the curb#so you get the whole shamozle lmao#anyway this post is more or less a take on the idea of when people say no one ever truly dies so long as your memory of them lives on#so long as you always carry your love for them in your heart#and how it's always meant to be a good thing you know? a positive thing#but what happens when it's not. what happens when their memory is a weight you drag forward? when that love is a haunting#when an absence becomes a presence in of itself#and you wish you could be rid of it. but you can't. and now they're in everything you do. they're everywhere you go#a permeation over every aspect of your life? how are you supposed to handle that kind of feeling#in the end this was more or less me scratching an itch wondering what life for alex was like after nigel was gone#and how fundamentally nigel does end up gaining immortality by living on in alex's memory#and arguably by becoming a part of him too#maybe my brain just hasn't fully recovered yet from being sick 🤡#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#web weave#quotes
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I don't wanna be fuck buddies or friends with benefits or casual or open relationship or whatever the fuck else people come up with. My heart is not something you can weigh in one hand while weighing someone else's in the other. Either love me fully or don't touch me at all.
#My heart gets wounded very easily#When I was a child I fully believed I'd be a virgin until marriage because I could not imagine#Sleeping with somebody and not loving them until the absolute end of time#When my heart got broken at 16 I lasted all of ten minutes before carrying myself to my father's room#And sobbing while telling him what had happened to me#I couldn't contain the extent of my feelings and absolutely had to share my burden with my father#I don't get how people's hearts can so easily switch between others#It's just not for me lmao#Is the logic here supposed to be that it's less scary to give your heart to multiple people?#Cut your heart into pieces and disperse it so that when one person crushes it then it doesn't matter?#It's scary to give someone your whole heart because then they have a type of control over you that's scary?#I don't think it's scary#Not really#Because ideally I'd have your heart in my hands as well#And you wouldn't want to break my heart#Because if my fists were to clench from the pain#Your heart would be crushed too
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Song of the Day: June 15
“Hello My Old Heart" by The Oh Hellos
#song of the day#cheating to post now I think but I never wrote down the rules so it doesn't matter#I fully went to sleep on yesterday but my laptop was never charged and I couldn't be bothered to find the cord before I crashed#had a biglong heart-to-heart with the littles. I worry about them it's so hard to be in high school#love this song. exceptional little rumble-crooning opportunity#the 'oh' lifting into the chorus might be my favorite part#it was goingspare I think that reblogged a poll choosing between song lyrics with 'hello' in them and pointed out this one was missed#and yeah absolutely this is the one I'd have chosen. Adele a close second but yeah. a hello poll and there's no Oh Hellos? frankly baffling#'hello my old heart / how have you been / are you still there inside my chest' and the whole song unspools from there
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someone talk to me abt Sazume for the love of god auughhhh
#cinematographically speaking I think the worm fully escaping midway through the movie is my fav part#the silence the choral singing the focus on the normal lives of the ppl below who have no idea the looming doom gathering above them#the cosmic horror and dread of the worm when you see its true size#the calm before the storm and etc#the way your heart clenches bc you know exactly what’s going to happen if the worm falls#how many ppl will die and get hurt and loose their loved ones#the grief and anguish in the aftermath#the crying the screaming the ppl who will never be found#and you just get… that peaceful silence combined with the ethereal choral harmony singing of destruction and death#the tension that’s being raised as the golden tethers begin to rise#the cut back to reality and the impending doom that’s about to hit#just… aughh… the sound design and soundtrack and theme and visuals and camera angles work so perfectly#to create this beautiful haunting devestating moment of helplessness#and it’s so excellent. fav moment in the movie by far but not the part that made me cry#the whole movie is so good ngl but that part in particular… mm that’s the good stuff#suzume#anime
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one of the weirdest things about *waves hands vaguely in the direction of my relationship* this whole experience. is this time around? there really isn’t a Taylor Swift song that captures it for me.
#even the MOST romantic ones? ones that I DO think capture something of the essence of love. none of them are right somehow!#i will still not be elaborating at this time#closest are probably Everything Has Changed (dust off your highest hopes everything HAS changed)#King of My Heart (is this the end of all the endings? my broken bones are mending)#weirdly State of Grace (love is a ruthless game unless you play it good & right! this is the golden age of something good & right & real!)#but there’s no hearing a song everything snapping into place like oh THIS is what it feels like#because none of those songs are about him you know??? the specificity is missing and the specificity is why I love him#Everything Has Changed is wrong because I knew a whole lot more than his name when everything changed!!#King of My Heart is wrong because it’s not QUIET enough. it’s too triumphant not awed enough#State of Grace is wrong because ‘you were never a saint we learn to live with the pain mosaic broken hearts’ just isn’t the vibe!#and neither of us have blue eyes!!!#and if this was a fictional blorbo song none of that would even matter because I can reach across miles to make a blorbo song work#but apparently not this time??#and the answer might be ‘well cate Taylor has never written a song about falling in love with an old friend’#(except for Glitch which lowkey sucks and Mary’s Song and INTHAF which go back TOO far; we didn’t grow up together)#but also…..it might be that this time it’s not primarily in my head and so I can’t twist it to fit a song#they say you know when you’re really in love because all the love songs make sense#but maybe that’s sort of the being in love with love stage??#maybe you know you’re really in love when none of the love songs can fully cross over into the uniqueness of your experience#anyway. ignore me#or send me song recs for friends-to-lovers lol#in which cate tells stories
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