#and i love them fully and with my whole heart

[sweetdispatch]

Rookie love - C. Bedard

Next door hearts

pairing: Connor Bedard x Hughes!reader

summary: You and Connor live in the same building and work for Blackhawks. Slowly, you two are falling for each other and he made a cute date for you

warning: none

words: 2.5k

note: my first connor fic yay! based on this request and honestly it lowkey makes me want to do a whole AU with this theme haha

---

It was a tough decision for you. You were just an 18 year old girl who decided to move out all the way to Chicago to study public relations. You could stay in Michigan but the vision of being compared to your older brothers, Quinn and Luke who also had been studying there, wasn’t tempting. You wanted to work on your own brand and name far away from there.

Your parents weren’t the happiest when you announced your decision because you were the youngest kid and with your moving to Chicago, it meant that they will be alone without any kids around. Despite the fact, they had your back and fully supported you and understood your point of view. They even helped you to rent an apartment so you don’t have to live in a dorm. 

Quinn, Jack and Luke weren’t surprised when you shared the news with them, knowing how much you had been struggling in high school with questions about them and being used by your “friends” in the past only because you had famous siblings. Quinn proposed that you can always move to him in Vancouver but you wanted to be independent and the vision of moving to Canada wasn’t something you were craving. 

The year you arrived in Chicago, Connor started playing in his rookie season for the Blackhawks. In fact, he was your neighbor and lived right across the hall from you. He also moved there without his family and had to be independent. At first, you didn’t care about it. You were always saying hello to each other when you two saw each other in the hall but nothing more.

Things changed with time when thanks to your great results in college you got an internship in social media for the Chicago Blackhawks. You were excited and grateful for the opportunity. Your dream always was to work in social media and being capable of doing this in a hockey team when you were raised in a hockey family was incredible. You called your parents to tell them about this and they were proud of you. Finally, your hard work paid off.

In January, you started your internship and quickly became one of the most important people in creating content for social media. Thanks to your young age, new ideas and jumping into trends, the Chicago Blackhawks became one of the best teams in social media. Fans loved the content and people rooting for other teams also found it funny. 

Connor was 1st overall pick and star of the team so you pushed him to do some of the videos for the social media. He wasn’t the happiest because he was shy in front of the camera but you always tried your hardest to make him feel as comfortable as possible. You were also a shy person and you totally understood him. He was delighted to have you as a support and creating content with you wasn’t as scary as it was earlier. 

You and Connor lived in the same apartment building and always were returning from his training or games together. He was more than happy to give you a ride back home. In the first two weeks of your internship, you two bonded and became friends. Both of you had been the same age and lived alone, far away from parents. During roadies, you were staying in Chicago since you had college and many times you received texts from Connor.

They tell me to do this and I don’t want to.

Why have you abandoned me? 

Can you tell them to leave me alone? 

Promise me that you’ll go on the next roadie so I can have support from you behind the camera.

With every message like that, your heart was growing bigger. You didn’t know how much of an impact you have on him and feeling comfortable. You wanted to be there for him but you couldn’t drop college because Connor was shy. You promised him to talk with the others to leave him alone during away games but it wasn’t in your competence to dictate who’s gonna be on the video.

While Connor was away, you were taking care of his apartment and basically cleaned and cooked for him in your free time. When you entered his place for the first time, you could tell that he’s struggling being alone just like you and you wanted him to feel that he has someone on who he can lay on. You had experience with boys since you had three brothers and knew what to do so he could open up. 

Connor was more than grateful to have you. At first, he thought that you’re just a social media girl who’s living in the same building but with time, he saw how much you’re doing for him inside and outside of the work. He wanted to pay you back and always surprised you with flowers and coffee when he knew that you had a rough day in college. 

These small gestures turned into daily dinners and movies. After games, Connor was taking you out on a dinner to later finish the day with a movie in your apartment. It was a cute but meaningful moment between you two. You started talking more and more, he finally opened up and felt that he has a real friend and is not alone. 

Both of you were falling for each other. You two had similar personalities and tried to stay out of the spotlight. You were Connor’ biggest fan and he was your rock. Almost every single day you two were seeing each other even if it meant only for 5 minutes. He knew your schedule perfectly and always tried to give you a donut with coffee before you were heading on college. You also knew his schedule and after every roadie, you were at his apartment preparing meals for him, knowing that he must be tired from flying around America and Canada. It was like an unwritten rule between you. 

When you had been working with the Blackhawks, Connor was more than happy to see you there and was willing to do a content with you. The rest of the team was surprised but no one questioned it. They all thought that it’s because he feels more comfortable around you since you are the same age. It was partially true. He was willing to do content while you were around because he loved to spend time with you. 

Connor’ teammates and other people working in social media never noticed anything unusual in the behaviour between you two. You two kept the friendship and feeling privately and shared it when only two of you were alone. In March, your internship was over but the team offered you full time work in social media. You were beyond happy for this and couldn’t wait for the 2024-2025 season to start so you can work there. 

When you told this to Connor, he smiled like a kid in a candy store. At first, he was sad that you won’t be around for the next 1,5 months but after he heard that you’ll be working there full time, he was the happiest person. You were confident that he was happier about this than you. In that moment, he gained confidence to ask you out on a date. You gladly accepted his invitation and the two of you spent an incredible evening the next day. 

After the season was over for Chicago, Connor decided to stay there for a little longer knowing that you have exams in May. You were always there for him in his lows and highs and he wanted to do the same for you. He was hanging out in your apartment all the time, even if that meant that he had to watch a tv show while you’re studying. Those silent, cute moments made him realise that he wants you as his girlfriend. 

Connor started planning a cute date after your exams when he could ask you to be his girlfriend. In the past 5 months, you two shared a lot of moments together and learned a lot about each other. That’s why instead of a boring date in a restaurant, he planned a day full of attractions to ask you to be his at the end. He was proud of himself but also scared of your reaction. 

“Since we're leaving in a couple of days I was thinking that maybe we could spend a day together?” Connor asked you in the middle of a movie that you two had been watching. 

“But we’re already spending everyday together” You giggled and saw redness growing on his face.

“Yeah but I was thinking about going out, more like… exploring the city” He replied shyly and you smiled at him. 

“I would love that, do you have a plan what to do or are we gonna figure it out tomorrow?” You asked excitedly. 

“I… I actually have a plan already but if you want we can change it” Connor started to ramble and you stopped him.

“We don’t have to, I trust you with your plan” 

“Great, umm how about I’ll pick you around 10AM tomorrow?” 

“Sounds perfect” You smiled and the two of you returned to watching a movie. 

It’s now or never Connor thought.

As Connor promised, he knocked at your door at 10AM. He had flowers in his hand that he bought earlier. He was nervous but he knew there’s nothing scary in you but he was still overthinking this whole day. You opened the door and welcomed him. He was in awe of how gorgeous you looked in your dress. From the nerves, he kept the flowers in his hand instead of giving them to you. 

“Are those flowers for me?” You asked shyly.

“Yeah, sorry” He gave you the flowers and you quickly put them in a vase.

“Shall we go?” You asked him. 

“Yes, I’m right behind you” 

Two of you left your apartment and went into a parking lot. Connor opened the passenger door for you and you thanked him. All the nerves went out of him when you started talking to him about your summer plans. It felt natural between the two of you. The next 20 minutes you were talking about how you are gonna spend the free months. He stopped the car and opened the door for you. 

“I know you didn’t have breakfast so I thought it would be nice to grab donuts and coffee and go to the park” Connor said and you smiled at him. 

“You know me too well” You joked.

Connor ordered your favorite donuts and coffee and you were smiling all the time standing next to him because he remembered those little details about you. When you two got the order, you walked into a park and sat on a bench while eating and joking. After you finished your breakfast, he stood up and you followed him. For the next hour, you two have been walking around the park with coffee in your hands. 

When Connor saw that you’re getting tired, he knew it’s time for another attraction. You two went to his car and he drove you to a place that you always wanted to visit but never had time. It was the Museum of Illusion and it was on your bucket list to get here one day. You were surprised that he remembered this detail because you told him about it months ago. 

You were so excited to go there and Connor was excited for you. For another couple hours you two had been walking around the museum having fun and taking lots of pictures. It was the first time you saw him fully comfortable with taking pictures and you couldn’t be happier that he feels safe around you. Smiles couldn’t disappear from both of your faces.

It was already 4PM when you two left the museum and you were starting to get hungry. Connor had this already planned and drove you to McDonalds to get food. Again, he remembered that you said to him that this is your guilty pleasure food and you could eat it every single day. When you two got the food, you decided to sit in the car and eat in a parking lot while chatting. This day was already perfect but he had one more thing planned. 

Now it was the most nervous part for Connor. He booked a boat trip for you two and after it he wanted to ask you to be his girlfriend. The day was perfect and he didn't want to ruin it. He started to overthink this again but your monologue about wanting to adopt a cat brought him back to reality. He was smiling at the thought of you having a cat because he knew you'd be great with him. After 30 minutes, he parked a car and led you to a boat. 

“You mentioned how much you miss home and spending days on a boat so I thought we could have a boat evening here” He shrugged.

“It’s perfect, I love the idea” You hugged him and he swore that he felt butterflies in his stomach. 

You two walked on the boat and sat here quietly watching the busy city. It was incredible to stop and just relax while enjoying each other's presence. You cuddled into him and he gladly put his hand on you. It was a gentle move but you loved it. You were so in love with him and this day just proved to you that Connor is the guy you want forever. After an hour, you returned to the land and you smiled at him widely.

“Thank you for today. It was the best day of my life” You pecked his cheek and saw a blush on his face. 

“It was a pleasure for me to make your day better but I need to ask you something” He took a deep breath. “I really like you Y/N and I want you as more than a friend. Would you be my girlfriend?” He asked you and you froze in a spot. A boy that you love wants you. After a couple seconds you threw yourself into his arms. 

“I would love to be your girlfriend. You mean the world to me and I’ll be more than happy to be yours” Connor felt relief when you agreed. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked you shyly.

“You don’t have to ask, you’re my boyfriend” You chuckled and the next thing you felt was his lips on yours. It was a passionate kiss full of emotions and love. You couldn’t be happier than today.

yourusername

liked by _connorbedard and 2352 others

yourusername I think I fall in love...🤍

jackhughes You what???

lhughes_06 You have a lot to explain young lady when you get back home.

_quinnhughes That the reason why I was against you going to different city

25 May 2024

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

LUFFY WITH A BAKER PARTNER(related to Sanji perchance) THAT HE HARASSED SEMI CONSTANTLY FOR SWEETS

hcs or fic idc i just need fluffy luffy

Hello dear!

Thanks for requesting! This is my first OP piece, let me know how it goes!

Tsuki's note: As i am on episode 300 or something, i am not so sure about Sanji's family to do a convincing plot. So, bear with me here. Reader is his sibling from the heart aka grew up together like siblings.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were taken in by Zeff soon after he and Sanji started the restaurant.

You were a lonely rude kid.

But soon enough you found your passion in baking.

Zeff trained you to protect yourself - you never know what is lurking in these waters.

So very often you sparred with Sanji.

He was like a brother to you, always together.

Alas, before the strawhats got to Baratie to recruit Sanji, you were already gone for your own adventure.

A client saw you had great talent for baking and invited you to work in a renowned restaurant.

This person also loved Sanji's cooking but your stupid brother declined.

Sanji and Zeff fully supported you on pursuing that path.

They knew you could fend for yourself and the experience was great!

You were heartbroken that Sanji didn't tag along with you and also leaving the Baratie behind.

But you went anyway.

After months of leaving the Baratie and living on this new island, working for that restaurant you met the strawhats.

When they arrived at the island and reached the city, Sanji immediately recognized the restaurant that you would be there.

Alas, he had no time to explain anything, because the captain just rushed there. Luffy was gone in seconds.

Sanji chased after him in sheer desperation. Luffy could easily bankrupt a restaurant.

After the introduction was said and done and you hugged Sanji tightly, You offered the crew a cake you baked.

Soon you realized a single cake wasn't enough, because Luffy absolutely loved it!

He was like a vacuum cleaner swallowing the whole cake.

Well, that was not the end of your interaction with the captain, no.

While they were on the island, he went to you almost every free day he had to ask you for food.

You had told him your specialty was sweets, not meat, but he didn't seem to care.

Luffy claimed that, sure, there is no better food than meat, your baking goods came second place.

Did this comment made you happy? yes.

Did you like having him around your kitchen the whole time? No. He ate everything.

So to stop him from just blasting into the restaurant you promised him little treats.

It worked, surprisingly. But it was meant he came t nag you directly, quite often.

It made you wonder if your brother was actually feeding this boy or not.

A little bit before the crew went exploring he asked you make little bento's.

You thought that was weird, as Sanji has done them minutes ago.

But Luffy said he needed more strength than that and your food was the jackpot!

Again, happy? yes. Very.

You gladly baked what he asked, for everyone, of course.

You were worried sick as they took a long time to return - Luffy and Sanji promised to return to your work to say bye.

After a few days they were back beaten and bloodied, but smiling and filled with stories about what happened.

They didn't stay for long though, just two more days to recover.

These two days Luffy assumed you would keep your deal from before.

Well, you forgot about it, so he blasted in the kitchen upset, demanding his donuts.

To make up to him, you baked the donuts and cupcakes.

When it was time to say goodbye, you were invited in the crew by Luffy , who claimed that having a baker would be great.

But Sanji shot him down. Your silly brother didn't want you to sacrifice your career to be a pirate.

Despite you working with Zeff of a floating ship.

You didn't accept Luffy's invitations. The captain was very upset, but as soon as you explained you wanted to go to other restaurants to learn more recipes for him, Luffy got over the moon.

He accepted your negative, as long as you kept your promise.

And you did! After the two years time skip, you all met again.

This time you had tons of new recepies to share with Sanji and bake!

Needless to stay you had Luffy on your heels the entirety of their visit.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

i feel like i wrote more about Sanji xSibling reader than anything, sorry !

[zuppizup]

Rayllum, 10 babies and Xadian family planning

I’m trying to post the next chapter of Dark Alternative, but AO3 is very wonky, so you’re going to be subjected to my rambling thoughts on my new WIP for Work in Progress Wednesday.

So, over my vacation, I’ve been plagued by post-season 7 fanfic ideas. Short fics, obviously. No more than three chapters, as usual.

What’s got me intrigued right now, is how the continent of Xadia, or at least, a select group of people, will manage with living with the knowledge that Aaravos, in some form, is coming back in seven years. How would that affect politics and society, as well as the individual characters and the choices they make knowing that?

The regular folks would struggle to miss that whole eternal darkness and dead creatures thing that happened, but what do they know about exactly what went down?

And what do they know about what’s to come?

You know me, I’m a Rayllum person, so pretty much any fic of mine is a Rayllum fic, and this current idea is focused on how this particular threat affects the next stage of their lives.

Without a doubt, when we last saw Rayllum they were totally committed to each other and are fully ride or die… but how would that devotion relate to their future, in particular, the subject of children?

Now, I’m an angster in my deep dark heart, so while I’m sure many people could conceive of a fic where Rayllum are secure in their ability to defeat Aaravos come round two, that ain’t where my brain was ever going to go.

Rayllum are in love and clearly want a future together. Callum was openly planning a quaint little one in the Silvergrove before they were rudely interrupted by the whole end of the world dealio.

So, where does that leave them now (in my angsty reality anyway)?

In their youth, they both leaned into their more paranoid natures (Rayla leaving without Callum in TTM and Callum getting physical with Soren in season 4), and while they’ve both grown and matured since then, would such a threat as the world ending be enough to bring that paranoia right on back?

Which leaves me with my current fic planning conundrum.

Assuming Rayllum decided to forego the whole having kids thing until Aaravos is imprisoned again, how likely is it that they could plan when to have a family.

I’ve seen people say that the world of The Dragon Prince is in a medieval setting, and so people had children younger then, which, aside from not being the entire story, doesn’t feel like it really applies to a world with magic and dragons, a world that lacks the sexism and gender roles that are also associated with medieval times or other more grounded works set then.

Additionally, looking at canon, I think it could be reasonably argued that some form of birth control is readily available in the setting. In fact, I think it’s likely multiple forms of birth control exist in the world of The Dragon Prince.

From humans to elves, we don’t see large families normally associated with the inability to plan a family via the use of effective birth control. The “largest” family we see are the Sunfire monarchs, with three children. Viren and Lissa had two children only. Sarai may well have had more children had she lived, but Rayla’s parents spent multiple years at the Storm Spire and she remained an only child.

I can’t imagine there’s much in the way of entertainment at the Storm Spire either. Sure, they could abstain or get creative, but oof, hasn’t enough been asked of them?

Even looking at prior generations, we do not see large families. Given the closeness in ages of the siblings we know of, it also seems unlikely to me that children were lost in childbirth or to childhood illnesses.

To me, it seems far more likely that family planning is active in Xadia and would be a tool Callum and Rayla could exercise.

Clearly, no birth control is infallible (or I guess it can be, magic and all) and I assume Miyana’s twins were unplanned.

Personally, I head canon Rayla herself was an oopsie baby in order to further explain the complications of her parents being called away to join the Dragon Guard.

Where am I going with this? I don’t even know anymore.

I suppose, to me, it’s not a foregone conclusion that in seven years Rayllum would have a kid (or indeed multiple). The setting of the world doesn’t imply that it’s particularly difficult to prevent pregnancy. In fact, the small families imply to me that family planning is a cultural norm among elves and humans.

Faced with the imminent threat of Aaravos’ return, would Rayllum plan to start a family? Certainly, people put off having children for far lesser reasons.

We also don’t know how using dark magic, even in that limited capacity, has affected Callum and the potential for him to get possessed again. It was clearly enough to physically mark him, but does that go deeper?

Would imprisoning Aaravos once again result in an inevitable possession?

Not great when Dad gets taken over and abandons the family.

Or worse, Mum has to take him out.

Angsty though!

As usual, I’ll be doing my own thing in my fics, but I’m interested to see where Arc 3 goes with this (optimistically assuming we get it). There are a lot of factors at play to explain why we might see a lot of the characters in a state of stasis. Seven years isn’t that long when you’re facing the world ending, after all. Particularly when you’re likely to play a very active part in trying to stop that returning apocalypse.

So, which way to go? I see the angst potential in both.

On one hand, you’ve got the pain and desperation of protecting your kid from a returned Aaravos, or perhaps worse, a possessed Dad.

But on the other, you’ve got two people who likely want to take the next steps in their lives, but feel the pressure of a ticking bomb haunting them and potentially preventing them from moving forward.

Either way, bring on the pain.

[ruubyys1]

Lower

synposis: you have wanting to tell him your secret for a long time, but still deciding to do it or not—

su x gn!reader . wc: 1.9k words

.☆ content warnings/notes: herrscher!reader, slight angst?? (if u squint), basically mentions of ppl making rumors about you, mizu5 and ena2 inspired fic (from prsk), expect some grammar mistakes here. —first part focuses on reader mostly while second part focuses on both reader and su.

.☆ a/n’s: Hello!! This is my first time publishing a full fanfiction. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, expect this fic to have some mistakes and a little confusing so please bear w/ me and understand. 🙏🏼

taglists: @rukianaa

You kept running.

Running, running, running away—

From among those few who already knew about your 'secret'. The secret about you being a herrscher to everyone.

You would never want to spill it, would you? Herrschers are evil, dangerous, killing machines that are destined to destroy humanity. Yet, what about your destiny? What kind of path will you take?

…Yet however, there is someone you think would accept you just as you are. Your relationship with him may not remain the same even if you try.

He was your light during the darkness, your savior,

—and especially, your most dearest.

Su.

But, will he actually love you?

…

Sitting on the bed with your legs crossed, you sigh softly in your room while gazing at the chilly ceiling and chatting to yourself. You thought of your "secret" while tapping your fingers softly on the mattress.

“I want to move on forward…” Those thoughts whisper down to your body with a sharp sense, biting you off with the feeling of wanting to tell others you are hiding. However, you decide to keep it a secret for the remaining years that you serve as a MOTH soldier.

"…I got to this point because I've been running the entire time and running like that…." It is true that you have continued to flee with the secret far away, from one place to another, long enough to avoid what is coming. Being a MOTH soldier and Herrscher at this point is hard for you due to how you were born.

—Nevertheless, he is there. Your dear friend Su, who would you always entrust with your feelings and everything no matter what.

“I will keep waiting for you if thats what you want.”

You just had that flashback in your head, remembering how Su once told you he'd wait until you were able to fully express yourself.

“Even if I rely on Su’s words a long time ago…”

“Yet…”

In your quiet room, you held your breath and then courageously released it.

“I want to talk about it.”

You placed your hands on your chest, holding to yourself tightly as if you never wanted to let go of anyone’s kind heart.

“If I’m going to talk about it… I have to tell Su first. Since he has been waiting for me this whole time…”

Starting now, you decided to plan whether to meet Su somewhere in a place you have both been before, even though you are still unsure whether to do it or not. Now, those sharp feelings returned to you, but this time, it seemed as though everything between you and Su will soon be surrounded by emptiness and darkness.

Like a faint ominous bell ringing in anticipation of the end of the world, it pierces your eyes as you come to a realization.

—Shoot.. You shouldn't think of that. Everything will go smoothly, right?

“A herrscher? Are you kidding me?”

A voice in the crowd, perhaps spreading rumors about you, and one of them being true, gave you a flashback that made your chest ache. You bit your lip, slightly clenching your fists, and attempted to calm down slowly, but the coldness in the room prevented it, leaving you struggling.

“…..I don't want to run away..” This time, your voice sounded shaky, like shattered glass that will never be able to be put back together. Then, you bravely grab your phone on the other side as the screen brightens up in your presence. Slowly, you typed out a message to Su in his contact. However— your fingers are also trembling from finding proper words, stumbling deeper and deeper to try to talk with him about your secret.

"My hands are shaking… I can't type well…" As you approach the end of composing your message, your fingers still tremble. While trying to find a way to calm down, the option you could take is to think about Su, your dearest friend, and how he once vowed to always be there whenever you have troubles ahead.

“…Calm down. Because if I take it slow, it will be okay—”

You finally completed the words that you typed on that screen.

“…Alright. All that is left… is to simply send it… Then maybe—”

“Eh…? Ah, that’s true. They may be a Herrscher.”

You are struck by another flashback, this time with a voice from an old acquaintance. Were they talking badly about you or only making up rumors?

“They are hard to deal with.”

“That’s how an ordinary herrscher talks, right?”

Again,

“Don’t they just want to stand out with humanity?”

And again.

Your mind is filled with increasingly familiar voices, as though they are repeating the same things over and over again. Were you genuinely human, or were you a herrscher set on destroying humanity?

The more you remember, the more it starts to hurt your head.

“It might be a misunderstanding, right?”

"Well, that sounds awful, doesn't it?"

“They’ll eventually betray our backs one day! Do you not ever even notice?!”

You tremble uneasily once again as more voices start to observe you from a distance.

"Everyone won't do something like reject me, will they? Su can easily ease someone's suffering if I believe…“

You clenched your left arm, suppressing the agony that has plagued you for years. Su is probably the last thing on your mind.

“I’ll keep waiting forever.” He spoke those words, which were as warm, consoling, and reassuring as a ray of sunshine. You came from the dark, and he was your light. Will he accept you for who you are, even though you intended to give him a sincere thank you?

He is kind, and so are the others. His warm smile fleeting in the bright sky onto yours, illuminating the shadows that kept you between.

How lovely Su was.

You have been close friends with Su as long as you can remember. In high school, he bumped into you and the two of you ended up exchanging texts.

His friendship would remain the same to you even after the incident— where he was trying to find you from the rubble and dirt that built up from destruction. Su would successfully find you when time passed, and he promised to protect you as always.

Su was calm and polite to you, and he was willing to understand your feelings, troubles, and secrets. He accepts and supports you in what you want to do and what you want to be.

He is kind, right? Will he be willing to accept your secret about you being a Herrscher?

For now, you'd like to think about that, but you're unsure because you are the honkai - and Su is a fighter. If you betray him now, would he hate you for what have you done? No. He won’t, right?

…

You spaced out on your work just as you were about to submit a file on Su’s documents. In that sight, you were only thinking about him, his lovely smile, and everything else about Su until it shifted towards your secret. Your eyes looked like they were about to empty and lose their shine too, as you only stared into the blinding light illuminated by the lamp.

“Su…”

“Yes, [Name]?”

You shifted back quickly to reality when Su called you behind, placing his warm hand on your shoulder.

“Are you alright? You seem to be spacing out for a long time.” His face was a touch of concern even from the doctor himself. You try to find the words in your mind— until you decide to tell him that you are doing “alright”.

“Ah— I am okay, Su. I was thinking of something..”

That was a lie, and he believed it easily.

“I see… If you need help with any of your feelings— you can ask me.” Su smiled gently at you as if he drowned fully in your lies and mask. You smiled at him back too, however guilty also for the words you have said. You want to tell him more of your feelings, especially the deep ones, nevertheless, you do not want to pressure yourself fully.

“And about the file on the cure—”

“I’ll submit it tomorrow early morning. That’s all.”

You quickly assured him with almost raising your tone, which almost startled Su in his mind.

Shit.

“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then, and goodnight to you.” His calm demeanor returned as his gaze softened to you, as if he was falling for your lies.

He waved his hand and left your office in the sound of the night.

You lied and lied again.

“…Hah. How can he easily follow with my words?” Your tone went blunt and straightforward. You cannot believe how pathetic he is to listen to you, always lending out a hand, and eventually comforting you. He was a warm heart indeed, like a bathing sunshine flowing in the wind, that is what you see in him.

He was your friend and always been.

Will you eventually deceive him with your secret one day?

…

Su sighed in his place, continuing the write one of his documents about researching a cure for the honkai— and for his patients as well.

In reality, he was thinking of you, especially on your tone since earlier.

“[Name]… Are they alright?” He spoke in the silence of his own office, slightly fidgeting the pen and staring at the paper. Sighing, he rested his hand on his cheek.

“I’m hoping that they feel well at least, I don't want to pressure them further…” Su’s voice full of concern wanted to think about you more; those positive moments that contained your genuine smile and unique personality. He loved you no matter what type of person you were, and would always continue to do those.

Even in the current time when honkai is invading, he promised to always be there for you as always.

…

You lie softly down in bed getting ready to sleep despite the time being 1:00 AM. —All of that hard work has been paid off, right?

You sighed staring at the empty-looking ceiling leaving your eyes to wander where you are and what you are doing.

“…Ah, alright then [Name]. See you tomorrow then,”

That flashback replayed in your head just now, almost letting out a gasp. You acknowledge that you did lie to him and he seems to simply accept it. Even if you are a dear friend of Su, you should not make a lie to him as he sometimes can perceive it in a way.

From your perspective, it seems you've been wanting to tell Su about your secret for as long as you can remember. For everyone, you also wished to reveal it too.

Unfortunately, if people found out, they would hate you and throw you out to death instead, especially in an organization called MOTH. Back then, you covered your identity as a herrscher and joined to find a purpose in your life.

—In that life, you were only a little person who yearned to find more of yourself, only to realize that you shouldn't belong here in this world.

Yet, one of your loved ones loved and accepted you for what you are. You were harmless, kind— and happy.

However, where did all of the happiness go?

You sighed once again, pulling the soft blankets in your bed and covering up the coldness. You clicked off the switch on the lamp shifting to complete darkness. To get rid of the negative thoughts in your head, you slowly close your eyes.

You thought about Su instead, his lovely smile.

Your lovely friend, and your savior.

—And eventually, you’ll go lower with him to discover your secret soon. Maybe in your imagination, he could accept you and keep it a secret ‘no one knows.’

thanks for reading! there will be a part 2 of this

©ruubyys.1 2024. all rights reserved. do not steal, repost, modify, or plagiarize any of my works without permission.

[strawberry-pretzels]

sometimes i forget how much i mean to people

[radio-zephyr]

ORV SPOILERS ORV SPOILERS AHEAD (ch 527)

OH MY GOD "Maybe I shouldn't have given you the name of Dokja" THAT"S AN INSANE LINE OH MY GOD BECAUSE MAYBE IF HE WASN"T READER HE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO SUFFER AL LTHIS BUT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD!! TWSA WAS HIS SALVATION!! LKAJDOGIHEWOGIHDSLF SJDOS DX THAT LINE IS A GUT PUNCH. OW. OSDUGOSDGIUDOHSSgjfdLSKDFJSLDKJFDSKL. KILLER LINE. KILELED ME IM DEAD. GOD. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN YOU THE NAME OF DOKJA!!!!!!!! IT HAS BOTH SAVED AND DAMNED YOU!!!!!!!!! KIM DOKJA YOU FUCKER!!!!!!!!

just any section of the novel where all the companions are reflecting on kdj is so fucking tragic ToT. Lee jihye,,,,holding the coin and knowing it exists bt being unable to open her hand,,,,,how so many of them do not want to go back to the scenarios and the hellish world they fought out of, but will go anyway,,,,,,bc even though this is the kdj that saved them in the scenarios, and they want to stay with him soso bad, they still want to save the rest of him, who he was and his story from before the scenario, from before he was the dkos. Because his beginning was probaby much less grandiose!! and they still want to save him!! the one who read twsa!!! and was a child!! and a person!!! someone so dear to them but so unkown!!!! bc how can you love someone you don't know much ab but what would kdj have done???? if it was one of them??????? OUGSHDKSDKGLDHAKHDSLKGHSDLGKHLSDKGHLDSKGHLSKDHLFKDSJL

also sp's ending. arguably a really happy one. his expression was liberated. o(-(.

THEM PLANNING OUT THE SCENARIOS FOR GROUP REGRESSION TGT!!! THE WAY THEY ALL HATED SCENARISO WIT HTHEIR ENTIRE BEING BUT ARE STILL EXCITED!! BC!! BEING IN SCENARIOS REMINDS THEM OF TIME SPENT WITH A CERTAIN KDJ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,ugh i love them sm

[moe-broey]

GOD I would HATE to be stuck at a family dinner with them 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I would NOT fucking survive, the vibes alone would do 1000 points poison damage to me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Also JUST. JUST.

THE VIBES. ARE RANCID. SHARENA DARLING YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS (ALFPNSE TOO BUT DEAR LORD. Sharena LITERALLY was just told to Don't Speak Unless Spoken To RANCID. RANCID FUCKING FAMILY)

[likeafairytale]

Savannah Brown, from Closer Baby Closer; “Notes on your dramatic exit from the house party”

[fitzselfships]

⬆️ they are unaware that I am coming over there to kiss them and remind them that I love them so much :3

[phantajam]

my hot take about descendants is that NONE of the core four were ready for a relationship until maybe like, the third movie (rant in tags)

[theotherrichardpapen]

nigel & alex - to be haunted by your love

henri nouwen // like minds (2006) // death - melanie martinez // pope alexander - crywank // her mother's kiss - eugene carriere // sometimes i fall asleep thinking about you - catarine hancock // the song of achilles - madeline miller // achilles lamenting the death of patroclus - gavin hamilton // lee martens

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

I don't wanna be fuck buddies or friends with benefits or casual or open relationship or whatever the fuck else people come up with. My heart is not something you can weigh in one hand while weighing someone else's in the other. Either love me fully or don't touch me at all.

[francesderwent]

one of the weirdest things about *waves hands vaguely in the direction of my relationship* this whole experience. is this time around? there really isn’t a Taylor Swift song that captures it for me.

[trashsketch]

i fully caught up with witch hat atelier and aaaAAAAAAAAAA

[rememberthelaughtermp3]

thinking abt my show again......

[softersinned]

@balldwin said: [ HAIR ]: sender slowly reaches out to catch a loose strand of the receiver’s hair and tuck it gently and securely back behind their ear, letting their touch linger afterwards.

He can feel her eyes on him in the dark.

He always seems aware of her in a way that would, from someone else, make her feel surveilled; from him, it simply suggests that he is merely degrees away from omniscience. A more impressionable mind might have made him a new god, but Astoria is, at the moment, taking too much vicious pleasure in the promise of her damnation to cede control of her soul to anyone else.

Something about him suggests that he may take it all the same. She is not so unhappy with the thought as she would have imagined she would be.

Tonight he stands in the gardens below where she sits and he tips his head back as his guest leaves, eyes finding hers through the black of night. For several long moments they are silent and still, and then in the space of one breath to another he's gone, and she can hear the door close from three floors away. It is out of courtesy for her that Baldwin walks slowly and allows himself to be heard—it gives her time, should she wish it, to cover herself more, or prepare for another person's arrival. Were she still a warmblood she would be cold, perhaps even modest, but he has seen her half-mad and hunched over her prey, dripping blood and gore, and she has little enough shame where he is concerned. Her bare feet press firmly against the railing beneath her, and the night's steady breeze lifts the hem of her nightgown a fraction of an inch before letting it settle against her calves again.

"So," he says by way of greeting, and he walks through the room to the balcony where she sits, "you have recovered from—earlier?"

His delicacy, though unnecessary, is appreciated all the same. Astoria waits until he is standing beside her at the railing, his hands set against the stone several inches from where she's laid her feet, before she looks at him. She leans forward, winds her arms around her legs, tightens her hand around the handkerchief she's holding.

To call it a surprise would have been an understatement. She would have imagined he was dead by now—she saw him last fifty years before, and he was only a year or two younger than her, and human. And he had never had enough sense to hold his tongue when he should have, nor enough cowardice to shy away from the urge towards self-sacrifice in the name of patriotism or, worse still, the right thing. And he had seen her, called out her name in disbelief, crossed the wide street to reach her and take her arm with surprising strength for a man of his age.

It was funny, in its own way: once, she had imagined they would spend their lives together, and today, she had spent years without thinking of him once. Far enough from her that she hadn't realized he was still there, Baldwin had paused in surprise at the intrusion, and when Iain Blackwood's wizened hand gripped her arm, his nostrils had flared with a sudden anger. "Astoria," Iain repeated, and when she looked at him she wore a pleasant but confused expression, and she gently detached his hand from her arm.

If she looked closely she could see it then, that beneath the years and the laughter lines, he was the same man who had once told her that, if they simply waited long enough, he could divorce his wife and take her instead—one of the few advantages of Henry's bouts of evangelism, he'd insisted, and fuck the Pope and God Himself, too, but he would have her for his wife. Astoria had laughed at that and told him not to speak nonsense, and that week, Celia told him she was carrying his child, and there was no more talk of marriage. Now, he stared at her in wonder, disbelief, while Astoria patted his hand warmly.

"I'm terribly sorry." She spoke with a perfect English accent, indistinguishable from the native Londoners she had met while she and Baldwin were in the city. "But I think you have mistaken me for someone else."

He shook his head. "Astoria Grim," he insisted adamantly. "I know you."

To deny any connection would have made him doubt her further. She shook her head and squeezed his hand. "My great-aunt died when my father was a boy. He always said I looked like her." And she laughed sympathetically, though her stomach was churning, and she felt rather as though she might be sick, as the son that Iain had crept away from rushed to catch up to them. "Did you know her?"

It felt wrong, to lie to him, but it seemed to work. Iain took a step back, looking dazed, as his son caught his arm again. The Astoria that he remembered would have been his age. She would have spoken with the melodic lilt of her Swedish grandfather's influence. She would never have turned him away. "I did," he answered, and he offered a vague apology before he covered his son's hand with his own and turned away from them.

She waited until they were out of sight to let herself feel it. Now, there is nothing to feel, though she runs her thumb over the fabric of the handkerchief, folded over her index finger, and she looks up at Baldwin and lets the corner of her mouth quirk upward into a crooked smile. "I have," she confirms, and Baldwin looks pointedly at the handkerchief she's holding.

"What is that?" he asks, though he already knows, and Astoria turns her hand and opens it obediently, holding the cloth in her palm. Quietly, she lets out an embarrassed little laugh, and she stretches his hand out for him to reach. When he plucks the handkerchief from her grasp, she clears her throat, eyes flickering away from him.

"I'm sorry. I should have asked."

Once they were gone, she had closed her eyes, taken in several deep breaths, but the sheer number of people in the crowded street did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves. From where he stood Baldwin could, no doubt, have seen just how she was beginning to lose control, and it doesn't surprise her that he saw what followed: that she had pulled the handkerchief from where she kept it tucked inside her sleeve and lifted it to her nose, and she breathed in the scent there instead, faint though it was.

"Did it help?" Baldwin asks in the present, and Astoria clears her throat again, cheeks coloring a gentle pink. From what she's seen, it's rare for a wearh to blush, but she always seems to manage it when his eyes are on her.

"It did." She speaks quietly, but she speaks the truth: the moment she'd breathed in his scent of woodfire and leather she had felt safe again, and steady on her own feet. The fear was gone, and when she opened her eyes they were no longer swimming—and she felt, as she so often did at his side, like herself again. She looks at her knees, afraid that if she meets his searching gaze he'll be able to uncover the secrets she has yet to even tell herself.

She knows what this is, or she knows enough: five years with him and they are rarely apart. He has been an excellent teacher and guide, and more patient with her than she would ever have imagined he could be. He does not seem to resent her presence, or that she still cannot hunt entirely on her own, and certainly not without supervision if she does not mean to kill. On the rare occasions that she sleeps, she dreams of him. His scent is her anchor to the world, and her heart, damaged and cold as it is, seems to be utterly, entirely his. How inconvenient, and, at once, how wonderful, to know that her ability to fall so absurdly in love had not died with the rest of her. That to be away from him makes her feel as though there is a knife slipped between her ribs is no doubt the result of being caged so long; who could expect her to come out of it sane? But at its core, she knows what it is, just as she knows that whatever she felt decades ago for the man she saw today, it has not prepared her for this.

Inconvenient, to say the least; she cannot talk herself out of it and so she simply ignores it as often as she can, though in moments like these she wonders if he can smell it on her. Baldwin only watches her, silent in a way that she's learned by now means he wants her to continue without having to be asked, and Astoria lets out a petulant little sigh, though she's smiling (albeit guiltily) when she looks at him again. "Had you been looking for that?" she asks, though she knows that's not the information he's waiting to hear.

"Yes. I had expected an error by our staff, though perhaps I should have anticipated a bit of theft."

"That does seem like an oversight on your part," she says, quite sincerely, though she laughs a moment later and shakes her head. "It's the only one I've taken. I doubted you'd miss it. It helps keep me—" Her voice trails off for a moment, and she reaches back for something to do with her hands. Impatiently, she gathers her braided hair and begins combing it out, fingers working through the tangles there.

Even in the dark she sees Baldwin's gaze shift, settling for a moment on a particular red curl hanging from her finger. It is perhaps the second or third time he's seen her hair loose, and he seems to understand the gravity of such a vulnerability with him—but she has no use for modesty or shame with him, and with his attention diverted she pushes forward. "It keeps me from getting overwhelmed. Usually, you're there, and that helps, but when you're not—it's a poor substitute but it's useful all the same. One scent I know well keeps me from going mad when presented with a thousand."

"I see." He drags his gaze from her hair back to her face, and she feels suddenly and terribly (wonderfully) exposed.

"It reminds me that I am not where I have been. And that as long as I'm with you, I am safe." That seems to surprise him, though she can't be sure, as she looks at his hands after only a moment of meeting his eyes. "Even after years, I'm not quite used to it. I trust you—" And here she laughs again and looks back at him. "—God help me, I trust you with my life and my freedom alike. The reminder that it's you looking after me is a welcome one."

Baldwin grins, suddenly, and she feels all the air being knocked out of her lungs at the sight of it. "Quite a change from the certainty I'd let Father Hubbard drink from you," he points out after a moment, and it prompts yet another laugh. Quickly, so quickly she thinks she imagined it, she could swear she sees him close his eyes as if to savor the sound of her laugh.

"Well, you see, I've learned the truth about you."

"Have you, now?"

"Mm." She leans forward as much as she can without losing her balance on the railing. "You like me."

He chuckles, and the rich rumble of his voice is a song. "Maybe, for the moment, you're of more use to me alive." But he's still grinning, and she can recognize his tone as—teasing. How magnificent, that he'll tease her like that, that he knows her well enough to be certain she'll take it as it's meant. How beautiful, that he seems to enjoy making her laugh.

"Oh, I certainly am, but it's still true. You like me. And you won't let anyone harm me, even myself. It's alright," she adds, and she settles back against the wall with a smug little smile. "I like you, too."

"Do you, now?"

"Very much. There is not another soul in this world who's taken care of me like you have."

The confession is unexpected. Baldwin's expression seems to soften, though perhaps it's the low light.

"When I need to remember that I am alive, and still myself, I think of you." She looks out over the gardens again, but she's drawn back to him, the beautiful line of his jaw in the dark. "Cuore mio. You are my sanity and my safety." His eyebrows raise at the Italian, and she laughs low in her throat. "That's what you are, isn't it? If you had turned us away that day, I would be dead, or mad. That I am still myself, that I still exist at all, is because of you." And if I were to be separated from you now, I'm not certain I would know how to remain myself. She swings her legs around and shifts so that her feet are on the stone floor of the balcony, and she looks up at Baldwin and smiles. "Will you take me out? I'd like to hunt."

For a long, long moment, he is silent, watching her. Slowly, as though he was reaching out to soothe a frightened animal, he reaches for her, and he tips her chin up, brushes that same errant curl he'd been watching before behind her ear, as if to grant himself an unimpeded view of her face. His fingers brush against her cheek, and his expression seems almost tender, but he says nothing. After a beat, he drags his finger along her jaw before he lowers his hand.

"Do you want to dress, first?" he asks, and she stands, shaking her head.

"If anyone sees me, they'll assume I'm some restless spirit," she says with a little laugh, and she tries not to think about how gentle his touch was against her skin, or how badly she wanted to lean into it, or that she feels oddly, impossibly cold now that he's released her. (She glides across the floor quickly enough that she has to wait for him at the door. She does not see him lift the handkerchief, still in his hand, to his nose and breathe her in.)

She wakes the next morning after an hour or two of sound sleep, soothed by having drunk her fill mere hours before. When she opens her eyes the first thing she sees is an unfamiliar scrap of fabric on the bed beside her—and when she breathes in his scent on the cloth it is almost as if he is there with her.