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saikolikes · 1 year ago

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Aki’s P5R fanfic recs! (part 2)

Hi and welcome to another one of my recs posts! As you can see, this is part two: part one of this post can be found HERE and includes fics I bookmarked between April 2019 and December 2020. This second post will deal with everything I bookmarked during 2021 and 2022 (... so yes, part 3 is bound to happen some times in the future)

Here a brief disclaimer:

Everything in here is spoiler for either P5 vanilla, Royal, or Strikers;

I won’t report the tags, as it would take too long, so if you’re interested in a fic, please open the link;

Fic recs obviously reflect my tastes and preferences. For example, I love suffering and I don’t like fluff or domestic works, so browse this list knowing that;

The stark majority of the works here is shuakeshu

If you want more recs you can find them in my bookmarks, most of them are public!

MY ONGOING RECS Again, I don't read a lot of ongoing works (although, admittedly more than in the past) and these are the ones I'm subscribed to that I'm adoring!

The Lovers, Reversed by salexectria, Terra5 (E) | Royalty a/b/o AU | akeshu | series in three parts, ongoing "A Thief is caught stealing from the Northern King, and is sentenced to death for his crimes. The Alpha Prince intervenes, but at what cost to them both?" What I love about this AU is the amount of politics and worldbuilding put into it, as well as the uniqueness of double povs who constantly switch from Akira to Goro creating one back and forth that acts literally like poking into their minds. Plus the slow burn and the pining are just on point.

never die when I'm dead by threerings (E) | Royal & post-Royal | akeshu | series in 2 parts, ongoing Two one shots featuring one of my absolute flavors of this ship: sad, intense and unhinged

IDC FOR UPDATES I resolved to defeat my abandoned-wip trauma one excellent fic at a time so here's a list of works that haven't been updated in a while or the author straight up confirmed they won't keep writing them, but they are so good you just have to read them and let them remodel you. Do it. Do it now.

the year of the knife by theexistentiallyqueer (M) | No powers AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "The plan for Akira's junior year of high school was to keep his head down and his nose clean, but he hadn't counted on his new high school having more trouble than it was worth--and he specifically didn't plan on Akechi Goro, the haughty, machiavellian vice president of Shujin Academy's student council, dragging him face-first into political scandal and a series of encounters that would change his life." Please let teq bring you through a journey of spot-on characterization and stunning prose that will rewire your brain chemistry completely. Their take on machiavellian Akechi is really good, and the snark Akira spits in this fic is really something I cherish.

kiss & cry by MajorGodComplex (T) | Figure skating AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "Goro’s first thought when he hits the ground is some combination of the words ‘shit fuck hell fucking bullshit bitch fuck motherfucking hell.’ His next thought is wondering whether Akira Kurusu, senior debut, constant thorn in Goro’s side, and the only person anyone this season seems to talk about, is also trying to land a quad axel at the moment." I don't know what to tell you, the prose of this one is so witty and funny you just have to read what's published of it as of now!

honeybrains by succubused (T) | Time loop | shuakeshu | 4 chapters "a chronicle of the twenty-fourth time akira kurusu lived through the month of january 2017" What can I say, I am really a sucker for time loops and this fic took me by the heart. Tagged as character study and with rights because the characterization here is very interesting!

in the snow globe by aminami (E) | Time travel | shuake | 1 chapter "It’s your heart,” Joker says like it’s the most obvious thing. “Your desires, your hopes, your fears. I’ll carry them with me always. My little snow globe." This fic will hurt you so badly but it will be so worth it, I swear. It's just so melancholic and tender and angsty and it carved a place in my heart.

my love has never lived indoors by rhodophytae (E) | a/b/o | shuake | 1 chapter "Ren Amamiya knows he's an alpha, and he's comfortable with that, but he's pretty sure that being an alpha is, well...different for him than it is for other people. He resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he'd probably go his whole life without finding anyone else like him. And then he meets Goro Akechi." This fic has such an interesting take on omegaverse! Paired with a stellar characterization and delicious pining, it's no surprise it's a fic I will never forget.

GENERAL RECS The fics I’ve enjoyed the most and that I go back to reading sometimes.

how joker and crow survived the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 by shntlvs (T) | Royal | shuakeshu | series of 2 works "Escaping from Maruki's false reality gets interrupted by the Coronavirus pandemic." Could you have ever imagined reading a fic centered around the pandemic? Me neither, but this one and its sequel work so well and have very compelling bits of characterization for the boys. Unexpected premise, but I utterly loved it.

straw house, straw dog by caelam (T) | 3rd sem | gen | one shot "In the saccharine utopia of Maruki’s reality, Goro Akechi’s mother is still alive." I admittedly don't read too many fics with mamakechi so I won't claim to be an expert, but this one really left me impressed with how clear and tangible the tangle of feelings is.

Knight of Pentacles, King of Spades by Naometry (M) | Medieval AU | shuakeshu | 11 chapters "“Hifumi passed on your greetings,” Akira Kurusu says, fury simmering beneath his conversational tone. “And I’m polite enough to give you my own in person. So greetings, General Goro Akechi. I am the man who will kill you.”" I started reading this fic for the war captive trope but this story has so much more to it than just that. Nao's superb skill with writing violence and viciousness will have you thrust into a cruel world where two boys seem to be bound to kill each other... unless?

Ripples by Riona (T) | gen | canon compliant | one shot "Ten people know exactly who the news is talking about, and now they’re going to have to deal with that." A peek into the heads of 10 of Joker's confidants upon learning about his death. The fic I would never imagined myself reading, but I did because it was recced to me, and now I'm recc'ing it to you, too.

When Your Eyes Meet Mine by seths_dream (E) | no powers AU | shuake | one shot "The way the bellboy lingered on him made his heart jolt, made him think that maybe, maybe the bellboy was looking at Goro the same way Goro was looking at him." I've lost count of how many times I read this fic because the horny is just so juicy, it's unironically one of the fics I come back to when I need to remind myself how to write horny stuff. (the same author also wrote this delicious pegoryu that you have to read)

a study in what not to say by succubused (T) | 3rd sem | shuake | one shot "Akira has finally had enough of Akechi's bullshit; they resolve it the only ways they know how." If you like the boys being really nasty to each other, this fic is a must. It has excellent dialogue, dynamics, and a tad of homoerotic wound tending which can't hurt no one!

MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITES The fics that rewired my brain chemistry, took my heart out, slapped it, put it back, and left me a whole new person.

27 steps to seduce a crow by relationshipcrimes (G) | Royal | shuakeshu | one shot "A handy bullet-pointed list on how to flirt with, seduce, and keep your local Akechi Goro." Still to this day, I think of this fic in terms of Goro's characterization. If I have a thing for post-canon shuake chasing each other, it's probably due to this one.

The Brigverse by TzviaAriella (E but most works are M) | Pirates AU | akeshuake | series, ongoing I admittedly don't care that much about pirates but the og fic from this series (A Brig Too Far) was being passed on so much that I gave it a try and. Oh boy. Not only is the characterization impeccable, the story compelling, and the action thrilling, but at least one scene and/or line from each work in this series has altered my brain permanently. I am a new person after reading Brigverse.

wild and free by bangandawhimper (E) | a/b/o | shuakeshu | one shot "Akira Kurusu hasn’t always been an omega. But now everyone he meets in this city assumes he’s an omega. He’s treated like an omega. He feels like an omega. He knows he feels like an omega because he remembers what it was to be an alpha." This work might have my favourite take ever on shuakeshu omegaverse, it's so fitting for them, so thought out, and the characterization is so on point... my god. Read this fic now.

The Diamond Chest by kinneas (E) | post-Royal | shuakeshu | 3 chapters, complete "Who says you have to see Morgana speak in the Metaverse before you can hear him in the real world? Not the few hundred officers who arrested Ren in Sae’s Palace two years ago, that’s for sure." Honestly everything kinnes writes is gold but I'm shouting this fic out because I reread more than a few scenes from this fic more than once, and it's a 100k-words baby. I am a sucker for heist stories, I am a sucker for dealing with trauma in very tangible ways, and I'm a sucker for kinneas' characterization of the boys.

before midnight by specterthief (Not rated) | 3rd sem, canon compliant | gen | one shot "“I—” Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Sumire sets down her chopsticks and rubs her face with both hands. “Um—who told you I was going to training camp?” (On January 9th, Sumire goes home.)" This is the stellar Sumire characterization fic you're looking for. Read this. Read this right now.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN SOMETHING IN ME (DELUSIONAL) I clicked on these fics solely due to my trust in the authors/the summary/one rec and now I find myself with a new kink. Thanks.

Containment Breach by salexectria (E) | Space pirates AU | akeshu | one shot Akira gets stranded on an abandoned spaceship seemingly infested by a terrifying creature. He finds the lonely survivor of the crew and they begrudgingly start to work together to contact help and survive. I am just going to say that I clicked for salex's name, I stayed for the stellar characterization, pining and top-tier bantering, and got overwhelmed by the tentacle sex. (/pos)

it takes two by lumensd (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | two-shots By all means, this series has some things I usually am not interested in (phone sex, degradation) but Jay is so skilled and his akeshus are so fucked in the head that now I've signed up for the masochist Joker agenda. Hurray!

i dream of you draped in wires by rime (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | one shot "Maruki's Shadows don't want to fight; they just want to collect data. Wait, are those cat ears?" You would think a work with the tag "catboy shibari gunplay fuckordie" can't be too serious. Wrong! Excellent character study attack 🔪🔪🔪 (from the same author there's also this P5 vanilla fic that is excellent)

Darken my doorway by EnlacingLines (E) | 3rd sem-post canon | akeshu | one shot ""I don’t need to test my theory. You should be thanking me, really. Opening this door for you.” “A door to what?” Akira says, exasperated by just how self congratulatory Goro still sounds.“ Submission.” Or: I am a firm switch shuake shipper, I don't vibe with too-extreme dynamics *proceeds to go ballistics over this fic regardless*, *awakens to the wonder of d/s a lil fucked up dynamics*

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5 #p5r #p5 spoilers #p5r spoilers #shuake #akeshu #shuakeshu #akeshuake #fanfiction recommendation #fanfic #p5r fanfiction #p5 fic rec #fic rec #fic reccomendations #p5r fic rec

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inkblackorchid · 1 year ago

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What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 2)

Hope you didn't think I'd forgotten about this post yet. Lads, ladies, and other lovely people, here we go. I have more yelling about bird boy to do.

But first, a few disclaimers. For people who may have missed part one, yes, as the title implies, this post is part two of an attempt to analyse Crow's character throughout 5Ds' whole run. You can find part one here. Now, both for people who may not have the time/energy to read my first, huge post about this right now, let me explain what I'm about here before we start again: My analysis is not meant to deter people who like Crow from liking him. It's also not meant to convince Crow haters otherwise, even if I admittedly personally like Crow. All of this stuff is just my personal attempt at dissecting how his character was handled in the show and why that might have been. And because this is part two, and I covered the Fortune Cup and Dark Signers arc in the first post, I'll start with the pre-WRGP arc, then dig into the backstory Crow was given directly before the WRGP begins properly. Also, mind the length of this post. I'm physically incapable of writing short things.

I also feel the need to reiterate another thing before I really get into the meat of things again: If you were hoping to see any old rumours about 5Ds confirmed, this is the wrong post. In fact, thanks to the very thorough work of someone over on Reddit (another shoutout to @mbg159 here, who's the author of those posts), I know for a fact that literally all the big rumours surrounding Crow are one big pile of logistically impossible horseshit, and I think after so, so many years of people citing this nonsense, the fandom as a whole finally deserves to let these go:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, least of all the final boss of season one, and Blackwings were not the reason he got more screentime later.

No, Aki being sidelined was not the result of her irl voice actress' pregnancy.

Yes, I know these two posts are both a long read each, but I cannot begin to tell you how tired I am of these rumours. So even if you don't have time to read the stuff above, please take away this: The big 5Ds production conspiracy theories are. all. bullshit. Because, to put it in as simple terms as possible, none of them work out logistically. The events people have pretended affected the show's production in a major way all don't line up with the actual production timeline. So just can the rumours already. Please let them die. And no pitting Aki and Crow against each other on his post or because of this post, yes? I beg you, I am so tired. Ok? Ok.

All right, now we can get to the good part. In my previous post, I left off at the end of the DS arc. So, in what position is Crow at the end of the DS arc? He helped save the world by defeating Goodwin and got his very own signer mark after Rudger/Roman Goodwin's death.

And now, where is Crow at the start of the pre-WRGP arc?

(Bam. Delivery bird boy be upon ye.)

This time, Crow wastes absolutely no time coming back on screen. We see him again within the first episode of the second half of the show, and wouldn't you know it! He moved in with Yusei and Jack and the three of them have a funny, brotherly, bickering dynamic between them. Also, as a fun little add-on that is very much in line with his deeply Satellite, down to earth characterisation from the first half, Crow now works as a delivery driver to earn money for the household. That's all very nice and good.

But what is his role in the plot from here on out? Well.

First, a small note about the pre-WRGP arc. Though this arc is fun to watch because it gives us a lot of silly character interactions the show no longer found the time for once the WRGP started, the pre-WRGP arc really can't be said to bother with actual plot much. It's the known filler arc of 5Ds, and as such, Crow is not the only character who gets pretty much nothing plot-related to do during this arc. Thus, I'll only give a quick run-down of what he does get up to, just in case any of these tidbits end up showcasing a relevant aspect of Crow's character I might come back to later.

Furthermore, another thing that's pretty much obvious to everyone who's ever watched the show in its entirety but still bears mentioning: Crow gets a lot more screentime from this point on out. Technically. Why do I say "technically"? I'll get back to that further below. For now, just keep it in mind.

So, how does Bird Boy spend his time during the arc where the plot's on the back burner? To be honest, on the sidelines, mostly. Don't get me wrong, Crow's there. Most of the time. But he gets pretty much only two episodes where he's the focus, and both of those aren't exactly known for being 5Ds' most memorable episodes (even though I still like them both tbh, but I digress): For one, in episode 68, he gets to convince Bashford to move in with Martha so the depressed old man isn't spending his entire retirement living in a scrapyard.

(This episode's comedic moments are actually fairly solid. But those are just my two cents.)

And for two, in episode 85, Crow gets to bond with the boys' somewhat cranky landlady, Zora, by duelling some sense into her son, Lyndon. (Which also introduces us to a duelling tactic only Crow uses that we will later see again: Losing on purpose.)

(And here we can see Crow showing off his skills at dealing with petulant children.)

Now, do these two episodes where he gets to be relevant actually do anything for Crow? As a character? Debatable. If nothing else, they strongly reaffirm the values Crow represents which we were introduced to in the first half of the show, though. They reintroduce us to his stubbornness, to his (in comparison to Jack and Yusei) more playful nature, to his very Yusei-ish dedication to doing the right thing, to his penchant for spite, and to his strong sense of family and community and his belief that these two things shouldn't be abandoned unless you have a damned good reason for it.

You may notice that there's a sizeable gap between these two episodes. That's because those episodes are where we get the only smidgens of plot in this arc. Among them, highlights like Sherry's introduction, the first reveal of accel synchro, Aki's turbo duelling license exam, three separate story beats hinting at the machinations of the emperors of Iliaster (Luciano's little stunt with Rua and Ruka, Placido getting started on building a killer robot army, and the Jack double being unleashed onto NDC), and Bruno's introduction. So, here's the thing: Crow is technically present during most of those episodes, too, but he doesn't actually get to meaningfully interact with the plot-relevant elements. (Which is not to say he doesn't have nice moments here and there. He does get to bounce off the other characters, and, just as one example, helps Yusei and Jack upgrade Aki's duel runner, as well as help Yusei build Rua's duel board. Crucially, he doesn't get to do anything that later becomes plot-relevant, though.) Moreover, not one, but two characters who end up becoming major players in the series' finale are introduced here, which is relevant insofar as that Bruno and Sherry both end up needing a good amount of development before they can impactfully take their later roles. Now, I say this with nothing but genuine appreciation for both these characters, because I do like them, but I feel the need to point out what this means not just for Crow, but for pretty much everyone who isn't Jack or Yusei: Every minute of screentime that was dedicated to Bruno and/or Sherry was one minute less the writers could spend on the rest of the cast. This is not to say that time shouldn't have been spent on them, they needed it, especially because they were introduced so late, but it's something I do want people to keep in mind when talking about who got how much screentime and whether or not that time was well spent. (I also have a larger gripe with the definition of "screentime" in general, but more on that later.)

So when does Crow get to be relevant to the plot again, now that he's even a signer and all? Well, not until episode 94, when the WRGP arc has already started. (Note that I'm using the 5Ds episode list on wikipedia as a general guide for which arc and which season starts where. You can find it here.)

*Deep breath*

So. Episode 94.

(Pictured: One very scruffy dragon. Bird? Dragon-bird. Bird-dragon. You figure this shit out.)

That episode. The episode where Crow, who was awarded with the status of a signer during the finale of the DS arc, finally gets a dragon to match his mark. And the episode where we finally, finally, get some actual backstory for Crow that goes beyond his involvement with the Enforcers and childhood with Jack and Yusei. A backstory that's only Crow's own. Except. How do I put this politely...

This shit doesn't make a lick of sense. Neither the events in the duel between Crow and Bolger in the present resulting in Black-Winged Dragon's appearance, nor the Pearson backstory.

Now, I'm not saying this to step on anyone's toes. From a writing standpoint, I can even make a fairly reasonable guess as to why this episode/mini-arc is here, I think: As I mentioned in part one of this analysis, Crow was not only introduced very late, but also got very little backstory of his own, which set him apart from the other signers. Don't get me wrong, he did get some backstory—we know of his strong connection to Duel Monsters because he learned to read from cards, and we know of his involvement with the Enforcers/Team Satisfaction. Crucially, though, Crow doesn't really get a backstory segment that feels as unique to him as the others. Aki gets her tragic past with her parents and her powers, Jack gets his betrayal of Yusei, which also doubles as part of Yusei's backstory, who as the protagonist understandably gets the most backstory, and even the twins, though they are as always treated as one unit, get their very own segment about the time when Ruka was essentially in a coma. Meanwhile, Crow only has that one-off tear-jerker moment about learning to read from his cards and his being a part of the boys' duel gang, which, and I cannot stress this enough, is treated as more of a Yusei and Kalin/Kiryu backstory by canon than a Crow backstory. Thus, it makes perfect sense from a writing standpoint that the Pearson/Black-Winged Dragon mini-arc would be here. Crow, up until this point, has neither a backstory segment dedicated solely to him, nor a signer dragon to call his own. So, how do we solve this? Give him both in a strategic double-whammy! The math checks out. Unfortunately, the writing of said mini-arc... doesn't.

Now, look. The juicy question of whether Crow would have worked better as a non-signer or not, which I already discussed in part one aside, I personally don't hate what this backstory is trying to do. It's just that the whole Pearson-drama has some very notable, logical holes which I'll get into below. Furthermore, this is not the first time something related to Crow has some unfortunate, logical and/or chronological issues. I already brought up the infamous fridge and Rex Goodwin's rather confusing backstory in part one, both of which raise some serious questions. However, Pearson and everything surrounding him arguably blow that clean out of the water. Let's examine this more closely, shall we.

The long-overdue backstory we get for Crow begins with a mystery: Mikage and Trudge, for a reason that is never given to us, are investigating the death of Robert Pearson (whose death would have been several years ago at this point), whom Crow knew very well, and they're doing it because they found a hint that the person who killed Pearson used an illegal card, Crimson Mefist, to do it.

(Post redemption-arc Trudge actually doing his job instead of bullying random Satellite citizens. Who would have thunk.)

Thing is, here, we already encounter our first, minor problem: Pearson has never been mentioned up until this point, not even as an aside. And this issue is compounded by the fact that not only Crow seems to know him, but Trudge claims to as well, because "Satellite used to be his jurisdiction". So, a named character who's familiar to both one of our protagonists and a notable side character, and we've never seen hide nor hair of him. If we pull our heads out of the story for a second, the irl reason for how this came to be is probably pretty obvious: Pearson was never mentioned before because the writers had nowhere near as solid of a plan for Crow as they did for the other characters, which leads to him being introduced out of nowhere here because we need a backstory and a dragon for Crow and we need those now. Moving on.

The mention of Pearson having been not simply killed in a fire, like Crow previously assumed, but having been murdered through a special, illegal card immediately makes him suspicious. So, he goes to consult Bolger/Bolton, another never-before-seen character who gets introduced in service of this backstory, and who knew Pearson well. And while this guy certainly acts amiable towards Crow at first, implying that the two have a good rapport, at least, he quickly starts acting suspicious when Pearson's murder comes up. Moreover, we as the audience at this point already know Bolger's looking for Black-Winged Dragon so he can use the card essentially as collateral to save his company. And the name "Black-Winged Dragon" already leaves very little to the imagination as to whose deck this monster is supposed to fit into. But, in a small twist, we learn from Crow that this was apparently Pearson's card, and supposedly lost in the fire where said man died, to boot. Then Bolger challenges Crow to a duel, too, offering to tell the truth about Pearson's death if he loses, but demanding Black-Winged Dragon, which he believes Crow to be in possession of, if he wins. So far, so good. We've got a mystery here, and canon is not contradicting itself just yet. Until we get to the actual backstory, which shows us the time Crow spent with Pearson, that is. Before we get into that, I'd like to highlight one theme this mini-arc introduces that actually feels like it fits Crow: Legacy. Over the course of meeting Bolger again and being reminded of his time with Pearson, Crow starts thinking about whether he's taking over his former mentor's/father figure's legacy well enough.

(Crow having some Deep Thoughts TM, featuring one of Yusei's most relaxed, easygoing smiles in the entire show, probably.)

This theme, I would argue, is one of the major things this backstory introduces that really meshes well with the Crow we already had until this point. He's a community-focussed guy and absolutely a family person, if him taking care of Satellite orphans is anything to go by, so leaving behind a good legacy for the people after him (read: the kids he took care of) would absolutely be something he cares about. We see this element of legacy again in his cards during this episode, too, which canon implies he inherited from Pearson. (I'll get to THAT can of worms below.) And on paper, with the themes he's already got going, Crow being the only one to inherit his deck rather than build it all by himself would actually make sense!

However. This is where we have to get into the meat of the backstory. I'll start by listing the barebones information Crow's backstory with Pearson gives us, then going into why several aspects of it are either logistical or chronological nonsense.

So, as canon tells us, Crow met Pearson after Kiryu/Kalin was arrested, when the Enforcers/Team Satisfaction all went their separate ways. During this period, Crow had already set up shop near the original Daedalus Bridge and started out taking care of orphans, but it wasn't all smooth sailing. He was, by his own admission, "living aimlessly". Then, during a pinch, Pearson and Bolger show up, take care of some bad guys for Crow and the kids, and Crow sees a new role model in Pearson. Pearson, who rides the Blackbird, plays a Blackwing deck and owns Black-Winged Dragon. So, he joins up with Pearson, presumably learns how to work on duel runners from him, and also befriends Bolger. Then, one day, a fire breaks out at Pearson's workshop and the man in question dies, but leaves Crow his runner and his duel disk before he does so. End flashback. Because I want to tie this together nicely, we also learn later that Pearson technically left him Black-Winged Dragon, too, by sealing it in his runner. And, of course, that dragon later becomes Crow's very own signer dragon.

Several points to be dissected here. And funnily enough, Bolger's duel with Crow isn't relevant for any of them. Let's start with the big one: The timeline. I want you to remember that as far as canon is concerned, Crow is 17 during the DS arc. Moreover, it's canonically stated that Jack stole Yusei's first duel runner two years before the show's start, at which time Crow would have been 15. And their time together as the Enforcers must have been even before that, because Kiryu/Kalin was already in prison for a while at that point and Crow and Yusei don't reunite until the DS arc is basically in full swing. So, I'll make a vague estimate here and say that during the time of the Enforcers, Crow would have probably been 13-14. (Which is hilarious when you think about the fact that this gang of angry teenagers essentially took over the entire duelling underground of Satellite, but I digress.) Now we add the idea that Crow met Pearson after the Enforcers, but that he died before canon starts into the mix. That means Crow first ran into Pearson sometime around age 15, and that he then died presumably before Crow turned 17. So far, so good, that still slots into canon, even if it makes Crow pretty damn young for some things. He's even missing the personalised Blackbird duel disk he later wears during the Enforcer days, I went back to check. What he is not missing, however, are his Blackwings. And this is where canon may or may not have made an implication that, if intentional, breaks this timeline. See, during the scene where Pearson's workshop is burning down and he's already trapped under debris and has embraced death, he tosses Crow his duel disk and leaves him his runner.

(Two important screenshots, in sequence. One, Pearson with his duel disk still strapped to his arm. His deck is very obviously still in there. Two, Crow with that same duel disk, as made obvious by its distinct shape.)

What this implies is that Pearson also left Crow his deck. Which, yeah, fair enough, if I were dying in a fire I'd probably also think "fuck it, not like I'll need my cards in the afterlife". What this (and Crow's look the first time he sees Pearson's monsters) implies, though, is that Crow didn't start playing Blackwings until Pearson left him his deck. Which is factually untrue, because there is literal evidence in the show that Crow already had Blackwings during his time as part of the duel gang, before ever meeting Pearson. (The exact episode, if you want to check for yourself, is 33, where Crow summons both Bora the Spear and Blackwing Armor Master during a flashback.) However, I will concede that the show never actually states this is the case, it's just implied by what we see on screen, so perhaps the idea here was that Crow already played Blackwings before Pearson, but grew to love them even more through his mentor/father figure, and so later happily integrated the deck he inherited into his own. Crucially, canon never states this outright, either, though, so the option remains on the table. But, to give the benefit of the doubt here, the possibility that this could still slot in with canon and that it was just handled poorly is there. The same cannot be said for the Blackbird, however.

(Uh oh. So much for canon continuity.)

The above two screenshots directly contradict each other. First we have Yusei, upon reuniting with Crow in Satellite during the DS arc, casually remarking that Crow finished his duel runner. Which means that canon at this point suggests to the audience that one, Crow built this duel runner by himself, for himself, and two, that Yusei knew about it for a while already. Then there's the second screenshot, from the Pearson backstory episode, where Crow outright claims the Blackbird was left to him when Pearson died. I don't think I need to tell anyone that these two things can't be true at the same time. And again, I think this is where Crow fell victim to the writers not having a clear outline for him. At first, he was supposed to be this scrappy guy who also built a duel runner for himself, just like Yusei. But now, he's a signer, needs a backstory and a dragon, and because a theme of legacy is introduced alongside Pearson, the runner suddenly needs to be inherited, as well as (possibly) Crow's cards. Now, a crafty fanfic writer could probably reconcile the above contradiction somehow, and I know some stories that accomplished that. But the point isn't that we, as the audience/fandom could make this work, the point is that canon didn't make it work. What canon, sadly, also didn't get to work was Black-Winged Dragon.

(We meet again, bird-dragon.)

Here comes the next elephant in the room: Everyone and their mother who has watched 5Ds knows that Black-Winged Dragon was never implied to be a signer dragon up until the duel where Crow acquires it. In fact, an entirely different dragon is teased so heavily long before BWD ever shows up that it to this day is one of many people's major gripes with the show's writing.

(Why, hello, Life Stream Dragon! Fancy seeing you here.)

And yet, Black-Winged Dragon is turned into a signer dragon before Life Stream Dragon, who was teased more than sixty (!!!) episodes before BWD was ever even mentioned. Why? Simple: Because Crow became a signer and Rua/Leo didn't, because the signers all need dragons (or else the "5Ds" part kind of doesn't work), and because Life Stream Dragon thematically doesn't fit Crow.

Now, I've seen people post theories to reconcile this weird hitch in canon, hell, I've even posted an idea for how it could be reconciled myself. But, again, that isn't the point here. The point is that as far as good old, barebones canon is concerned, it isn't reconciled. Canon at first states there are five signers, suggesting that there are also five dragons. But then, the fifth dragon never shows up, and one of the signers dies, to boot. Only for canon to then teach us, oh, no, look, the signer marks can wander from one person to the next. And to add insult to injury (at least where the show's writing and internal consistency is concerned), the signer mark that was "freed up" by Roman/Rudger's death doesn't wander to Rua/Leo, who any attentive watcher would have expected to become a signer because it was heavily teased during the DS arc, but to Crow. Frankly, I'm not surprised many people were angry about this, but in case my disclaimer didn't make it clear, I don't think it's productive to pin this on Crow by claiming his cards became super popular irl. There was definitely an out-of-left-field writing choice made here, but the only answers as to "why" were left in the 5Ds' writer's room, I believe. At a guess, if you want me to throw out a non-sugarcoated theory as to why, though? They probably thought Crow would be a more interesting character for their target audience. He's a scrappy guy who sticks it to authority, he's brave, he's funny, he plays a cool deck, and most of all, unlike Rua, he never embarrasses himself in a duel on screen. Why am I highlighting that last part? Because I feel like people sometimes forget that the target audience for this show, at the time of its creation, were about twelve year-old boys. And you can feel free to contradict me on this, but most twelve year-old boys I've known and know don't want to project themselves onto a chracter who loses and gets his butt kicked a lot, and who's a bit awkward and steps in it sometimes, which is much closer to how actual twelve year-olds are—but that's exactly why they prefer the cooler characters. And Crow is the cooler character, by average twelve year-old boy logic, regardless of what the grownups of this fandom think.

So Crow gets a dragon and the writing doesn't bother explaining the how or why of it, let alone tackles any of the implications made by Black-Winged Dragon's existence as a signer dragon. (Like what does this mean for the larger worldbuilding? Does the Crimson Dragon actually have more than five servants, but chooses to only ever bestow five marks at a time? Can any "dragon" the Crimson Dragon chooses be a signer dragon, and it just so happens that the constellation of signer dragons is nearly the same as the original one in present-time 5Ds canon? Did the Crimson Dragon specifically elevate BWD to a signer dragon because it felt like it? Was BWD always supposed to be a signer dragon? Was Pearson supposed to be a signer, but died too early before the dark signer prophecy was set into motion? Am I overthinking this? (Yes.)) He also obtains his dragon in what feels like the weirdest way possible to me, because it suddenly??? Just decides to appear in his runner????? Out of nowhere??????

(Why is that here. How did it get there. Why did Pearson even put it in there. And HOW. Is it just wedged between the machinery or what???? And how on earth did Yusei, Bruno, and/or Crow never find it before this point considering how often someone tinkered on the Blackbird on screen???)

(This scenario, of course, also raises the question how the other signers even got their dragons. But like many other, interesting questions, this episode chooses not to interact with that one whatsoever.)

In short, this backstory is a bit of a mess, to say the least. For as much good as it tries to do by contextualising Crow's character and giving him something that sets him apart from the rest of the protag group, it feels like a rough draft of an episode was given the green light to be produced without any editing, judging by the contradictions and weird implications. As such, it harms Crow's character as much as it builds it, as evidenced by how much fandom backlash he still receives years later for the things that were bungled in this backstory and also in different aspects of his character writing.

Now, you may notice this post has gotten stupidly long due to just how convoluted the specific hangups of Crow's backstory are. I originally meant to cover the WRGP and even the Ark Cradle arc for Crow in this post, too, but due to how much there was to say about canon's attempt to finally make Crow a "proper" signer, I've decided that trying to force another two whole arcs in here would be a disservice to the analysis and the character, and also make this agonisingly long, so I'll close this part out here and write a part three, perhaps even a part four depending on how much material the WRGP gives me to work with.

There's one more thing I need to get back to before I finish up this part, though: The "screentime" discussion. I mentioned far above that I take issue with how some people seem to be using the word screentime, and now I can explain why. First, I want you to take a look back at the episodes I covered here, those being 65-95, essentially. Now, as anyone who usually dislikes Crow will tell you, Crow is present in most, if not all of these episodes. He's on screen. He's getting screentime, and, according to many people, hogging it, even. Okay. Now, I want you to look back up at the analysis. How many episodes did I cover where Crow actually gets something to do? As in, where he's either the focus of the plot or gets to contribute to it in a significant way? There's the old man Bashford episode. There's the Poppo Time clock episode. There's his two backstory episodes. That's four. Four episodes. If you're generous, you might add in the episode where he gets to narrate Yusei's backstory alongside Jack and the two fake Jack episodes where he gets to have an emotional moment or two with his foster-brother. If you're less generous, you'll note that none of these episodes have Crow actually interacting with the main antagonists in a meaningful way or set up anything important that pays off later. (Hell, he doesn't even get any, and I really mean, any meaningful setup interactions with Sherry, who ends up being his final-boss-level opponent during the final episodes! Aki gets more meaningful interactions with Sherry than him, not that this ever gets a payoff.) And this is why I take an issue with people claiming Crow gets so much "screentime" post DS arc. Because to me, "screentime" should be time spent letting a character act meaningfully within the story, which most of the pre-WRGP episodes aren't for Crow. He's on screen, yes, but in many episodes, it wouldn't matter one whit whether you replaced him with a nameless side character, which isn't exactly a great look for a supposed third of a protagonist trifecta. Perhaps I'm being too strict with my definition of "screentime" here, fair enough! But the claim that Crow hogs screentime already rubs the wrong way during this comparably unimportant arc, so I can't leave it alone. It feels very decidedly malicious to claim a character who during some episodes seems to only be there to provide exposition or make whatever jokes Yusei and Jack's personalities aren't suited to is stealing screentime from other characters. As for the WRGP duels and whether he's "hogging" anyone's screentime there, I'll dig into that nonsense in the next part, please be patient with me.

...Phew. Okay.

Now, before I leave you to wonder whether I'm every finishing my Crow analysis in full again, I want to attempt to do the same thing I did in part one—propose some changes that could have been made to the writing for Crow's character in order to make things slot in better with the rest of canon. With a small disclaimer, of course: These are just my suggestions as to how Crow's character could have fit into canon more smoothly and been done less of a disservice by his own backstory.

So. First, a quick-fire thing about the pre-WRGP, to get that out of the way: Crow, alongside Aki, is the only signer who didn't get his own confrontation with either Iliaster or their minions. (Yusei had Ghost, Jack had fake Jack, Rua and Ruka had Luciano.) Instead of having him confront a cranky old man in a scrapyard or Zora's son, they could have easily given him a very short side-story where he gets to experience the threat of Iliaster up close and personal, too. Hell, they could have very nicely cut the recap episode where Crow and Jack lie in the mess of Jack's terribly built coffee table and philosophise about Yusei's backstory for this, too. (As funny as their interaction about the coffee table and Jack lying on the floor with a perfectly intact coffee cup are.)

(Pictured: Two idiots (affectionate) contemplating life among the scraps of a shitty, broken coffee table.)

Then, there's the Pearson backstory, of course. So, here's the thing, I think two very different kinds of "fixes" could have worked here. Crucially, they both depend on Crow's status as a signer. I argued in part one that Crow might have worked better as a character if he hadn't actually become a signer, so I'll give both versions here. Let's go.

Option A: We try not to touch canon too much and Crow stays a signer.

How to do this? Frankly, I think what Crow's mark and Black-Winged Dragon were majorly missing was setup. The mark is the smaller offence here, since, fair enough, the idea that signer marks can wander from person to person isn't too out there for 5Ds canon. However, the lack of a dragon despite the alleged 5Ds stands out, and Life Stream Dragon's wasted setup only makes it worse. Thus, making Black-Winged Dragon make sense would have required giving him the same amount of foreshadowing as Life Stream Dragon, at the very least. And you know who could have been great for that? Sweet, ever-forgotten-by-canon Ruka. She was already shown having flashback dreams to the signer dragons' first battle against the dark signers, so who's to say she couldn't have gotten dreams about a shadowy, new dragon she's never seen before? Perhaps even dreams where she's not sure if the dragon is good or bad at first! It could have provided intrigue, it could have made the audience curious. To strengthen that, canon could have also bothered taking the question "hey why are there only four dragons now" seriously. No character in canon ever questions why there are five marks, but only four dragons. Even Rua, who was previously hopeful that he might secretly be a signer, never brings it up. If canon had bothered to actually point this mystery out, they could have used it not only to foreshadow Black-Winged Dragon, but to aid Life Stream Dragon's setup, too. What the fuck am I talking about, I hear you ask. Hear me out: Life Stream Dragon is shown way, way later down the line, long after the audience probably already accepted that it was simply never going to show up, literally bursting out of Power Tool Dragon's armour. We are not provided with an explanation as to why. Imagine if they had sprinkled in another dream Ruka could have had about the ancient past here. Imagine if they had used the opportunity to show something like, oh, during the battle, Life Stream Dragon got injured so badly they had to protect its wounded body with a suit of armour, in the hopes that it would heal. And with one original signer dragon out of commission, the Crimson Dragon sadly had to choose a replacement in between, because the Earthbound Immortals were sure to return. Bam. Black-Winged Dragon. Two signer dragons, set up simultaneously, without forcing the canon lore to do somersaults. Furthermore, to actually explain why Pearson had the dragon but wasn't a signer, they could have easily sprinkled in a flashback between him and Crow. Maybe Pearson could have mentioned how the dragon always feels like it's never really his, as a joking aside. It would have been enough for me to suspend my disbelief, you know? And then the rest of canon could have played out exactly as we know it. Crow could have confronted Bolger, could have obtained Black-Winged Dragon because maybe the dragon finally decided he was worth throwing its weight behind. The mystery behind the missing fifth dragon could have been solved, and it would have made for satisfying payoff without kneecapping Life Stream Dragon's setup or conjuring an extra dragon out of thin air. And really, stuff like the runner thing could have so easily been solved by simply picking one version (did he build it himself or inherit it?) and sticking with it. All it took was a little more care.

Option B: We assume Crow didn't actually become a signer, but try to keep his backstory intact.

Okay, this version works under the assumption that Crow, despite partaking in the final battle against Goodwin during the DS arc, didn't receive a signer mark. To make this work, I would, bluntly put, simply make it so that Black-Winged Dragon doesn't exist. Pearson can still play a powerful Blackwing monster during his flashback that Bolger wants to find and sell later, but it simply isn't that dragon. Really, Blackwings have enough to choose from there. If the backstory episodes had been placed a little later, say, during the pause in the middle of the WRGP, he could have even received something like Blackwing Full Armor Master here. (Yes, I know that card didn't exist at the time, but my point is that he could have simply received a powerup like Yusei and Jack did, instead of a completely new monster.) With this setup, they could have still added the intrigue of taking the question why there are only four signers now seriously. They could have still set up a mystery about why no one ever saw the fifth dragon outside of dreams. And it could have made Rua becoming a signer later, and in this version getting the tail mark instead of a completely new one, that much more satisfying. And Crow could have kept his "fuck destiny, I'm trying to save the world here"-attitude from the DS arc, providing a nice, amusing counterweight to our heroes chosen by an ancient Incan dragon deity. All it would have taken would have been not giving him a mark and switching out Black-Winged Dragon for something else.

So, take your pick, I guess. In the meantime, I'll try my best to work on part three faster than I did part two, lmao.

See you next time!

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sugarplumxx · 1 year ago

Text

honeysuckle - aki h.

aki hayakawa loves his sister, perhaps a little too much…

cw: dark content, nsfw, incest, mental illness, trauma, gore/accidental self-harm, guilt (aki does bad things and feels bad about it), noncon, grooming/underage assault, so so many other things

aki might be ooc but i really wanted to write this for him <;/3

this has a LOT of triggering potential so interact at your own discretion!

“Aki…taste this!”

Your soft little voice rings out in the meadow as you bound over towards the boy, your hand outstretched with a few small flowers inside.

“Taste it?” Your brother scrunches up his nose. “What are you talking about, stupid?”

“It tastes like sugar! Here, let me show you.”

Your small hands pinch the base of one of the blossoms, right at the trumpet, and with a gentle tug of the stamen, you unpeel the flower.

“Look, there’s the nectar.” A tiny drop hangs on the stamen. “Taste it, Aki, taste it!” He humors you, kneeling to let you place it in his mouth. A light, sweet flavor spreads across his tongue, and he hums.

“Tastes good.” “I got a bunch of them so that Taiyo can try.” He nods, smiling softly, although his stomach curls a little whenever you say his name. It’s stupid, he knows: he shouldn’t be jealous of his sister’s love for his brother. You love both of your brothers, and you love them the same.

Aki doesn’t want to be the same as Taiyo, though. Not in your eyes. He’s not sure what he wants, but it’s not that.

His throat stings with a bitterness none of your nectar could help with.

___

“Aki…” you breathe softly, your hands fluttering over his shoulders. “G’morning…”

“Morning.” He breathes it into your neck, along with a soft kiss. “Slept well?” You nod, smiling gently. You always have that look about you — dazed and happy. You don’t seem to feel much else lately.

“I dreamt about the meadow…when w-we were little.” “Did you?” He wraps his arms around your waist.

You nod again, melting into his embrace.

“...dreamt that you and I were picking honeysuckle.”

He chuckles. You and your flowers.

“Can’t remember w-what it tastes like, though…”

“You can’t? I can.” He remembers, clear as day. Holding your hand in the early summer, the two of you running through the field by your old house. You’d stop and wait for Taiyo, which would make him pout, and then the three of you would skip at your pace to the river. Taiyo would search for shiny rocks and you would pick honeysuckle while Aki read under the shady tree…

“Aki?”

You look up at him with big, wide eyes, innocent and pure.

“A-Am I gonna leave the house today?”

He tucks a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Don’t think so.” Your face doesn’t even fall anymore. “It’s safer for you to stay inside. Especially with my job…” You don’t even know what his job is. You wouldn’t understand if he told you, so you don’t ask.

“Okay, Aki…” Nothing is sweeter than your blind trust.

___

You hear from a woman in town that honeysuckle tea has healing properties, and immediately set about making it for your brother.

Taiyo has been sick for over two years now. Aki wants to call you stupid: if the doctors can’t help him, there’s no way that your silly tea will. But he holds his tongue because knows you’ll cry if he tells you the truth.

You crush the flowers in the kitchen, humming quietly to yourself. For only being nine, you have an endearing determination that draws Taiyo to you, and he sits beside you, watching intently.

“What are you doing?” “Making you tea. It’ll help you.”

“Really?” He smiles softly. “Thank you.” Once you’ve put the flowers into water, you let it sit for a long time in the fridge. Your parents leave to take Taiyo to his weekly doctor’s appointment, so you and Aki are left alone, something that happens all too often. You sit next to him on the couch, eventually falling asleep on his chest.

He smiles, stroking your hair softly. Such a small child, so soft and innocent. You are nothing if not blind — blind with hope, with joy, with love. Aki won’t break your heart by telling you that your brother won’t live past Christmas.

Honeysuckle tea won’t mend the wounds in your hearts after you lose him, and he knows that.

___

The door swings open, and you immediately stand, putting your little fidget toy down and running over to him.

“Aki!” He brushes past you, his face set in a hard line. There’s a splatter of blood across his jawline, one that your eyes widen at. You rise up on the balls of your feet, trying to wipe it away.

“You okay, Aki?”

“Stop,” he says softly, pushing you aside again.

“But you’re bleeding.” “No, I’m not.” “Aki, are you sure—” “Just shut the fuck up!” He shouts, shoving you away from him.

You stumble back, losing your footing and falling onto the floor in front of him.

“You’re such a stupid, stupid girl, fuck! Can you ever just leave me the fuck alone?!” A soft whimper comes from your lips, and he stops when he sees your wide-eyed gaze, watching him with those adorable eyes.

You’re not even crying. You don’t even look afraid. Just…confused.

“W-What did I…?” You ask after a little bit. “How…did I get on the floor?”

He lets out a long sigh, his eyes and throat stinging with guilt. “You tripped.” He reaches out a hand to help you up. “You feel okay?” “Mhm.” You nod, nuzzling into his shoulder. “M’fine, Aki.” “I know you are.” His hand trembles as it brushes over your hair. “I love you, sweet girl.” “Love you too…”

Later that evening, you lay on the bed, your hands gripping the sheets tightly. Soft whimpers leave your lips, your eyes big and glassy as they watch the ceiling.

“Aki…” He licks at the sensitive place between your legs, and you feel soft thrums of pleasure coming from your tightening stomach. With one particularly rough kiss, your mouth falls open and your eyes tear up.

“O-Oh…”

“Look at me, sweet girl.” You try, but you can’t adjust your gaze. It’s like you’re sinking into the bed, into your own body, down and away and disconnecting from everything physical.

“Hey.” You feel a slap against your thigh, but you don’t even react. “Hey! I said look at me.” “M…m’trying…” your head falls to the side. “I…” You drift off again, feeling yourself start to sink even deeper. There’s nothing for you to worry about though: it’s safe and warm and quiet, nothing but you and your brother and the pleasure he brings your body as he tastes your nectar.

___

“This is where I live, said the city mouse. And oh, what a big house it was! The city mouse’s family—” “Daddy, daddy! Can we play catch outside?” Your voice is soft, always so hesitant to speak to your parents.

Zipped into your coat, wrapped in a scarf and mittens, bundled into a beanie, you smile up at your parents excitedly. Your oldest brother stands behind you, a glove in his hands and a scowl on his face.

“Taiyo doesn’t feel well,” your father replies. “Why don’t you two play together, instead?” “He never does,” Aki mumbles. “I don’t remember him ever feeling good.”

“You’re the older brother.” Your mother’s face is all hard lines and tired eyes. “Be good and play with your sister alone.” Aki sighs, his hand on your shoulder. He doesn’t care whether your parents play or not. He just wants to be with you. The only reason that he humored you and came to ask with you was so you wouldn’t cry.

“I…I wanna play with them.” Taiyo’s voice is soft, looking at the two of you shyly.

You nod excitedly, bouncing on the balls of your feet. Aki tries not to roll his eyes. He doesn’t want to share you with your brother. His parents, his toys, his life…you’re the only thing in this house that still belongs to him.

He grits his teeth as he stomps through the snow. It’s blanketed everything outside in a layer of pure, glistening white. Aki’s walking ahead, too fast for Taiyo to keep up, so you bridge the gap by staying in the center.

“Quit following us,” he says bitterly.

Taiyo doesn’t say anything, still walking behind you, and you turn to look between the two of them.

“Aki—”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying! I said cut it out!” Without thinking, he launches a handful of snow at his little brother. It hits him in the chest, and the way you gasp and run over to make sure he didn’t hit him too hard makes Aki feel like he’s been hit himself.

“We’re gonna go play. By. Ourselves.”

Before you can scold him for being horrible, a ball of snow comes flying back at Aki and hits him square in the face.

Without thinking, you burst out laughing, along with Taiyo, and the two of you nearly collapse.

“He got you!” You say, giggling. “Aki!” “Stupid! Both of you are so stupid!” He throws another handful, this time at you, and you scream with glee as you hop in place.

“That was mean!” You shout, still laughing. “I’ll get you back!” He lets out a grunt of protest as your snowball hits him in the side, but you gasp as Taiyo hits you with one in turn.

“Traitor!” You get Aki in the face again, much to your delight, and he eventually gets frustrated and just pushes a handful into your face. You sniffle, brushing it off, and Taiyo pants heavily beside you, his pale hands quivering a little.

“Hey. If you catch a cold, we’ll get in trouble,” Aki says eventually.

“Maybe we should play catch instead…” you say softly. “His hands won’t be cold then!” The way your brother’s eyes light up is unlike anything you’ve ever seen since the day he came home from the hospital. It makes your stomach warm and floaty, and you giggle at what Aki says next.

“Go grab a glove from inside. We’ll wait right here, okay?”

“Okay…okay! Don’t go, okay?” “We’ll wait!” You say, calling after your brother. “Should I go with him? Does he know where the gloves are—

The loudest roar you’ve ever heard stops you as a violent, powerful wind blows you over. Aki instinctually grabs for you to keep you from being tossed up into the chaos, but it’s over as quickly as it started — just without your home anymore.

You don’t register that you’re screaming until your voice stops working.

___

You chop carrots in the kitchen to go atop the salad that you’ll have with dinner tonight. Aki bought garlic bread and you’ve put the pasta on to boil already. You’re glad he trusted you to make dinner, although you’re not sure why he wouldn’t.

Aki can be so distant sometimes. You can’t help but feel like he’s been drifting away from you, like you can’t focus on each other, like he’s been…fuzzy.

Or maybe it’s just your vision. You’re not sure which, although you know for certain that your dreams have been getting quieter. Softer. Less…just less. The same can be said for life, sometimes—the few and far between days that your brother tells you it’s safe to go outside, the colors seem a little more muted, the voices a little quieter around you.

It’s too much to think about. You push it out of your mind, starting to feel that pleasant, dull buzzing behind your eyes as your hand comes down over and over, chopping and chopping.

Aki leans back into his chair, slouching on the balcony. A cigarette hangs from his lips as he listens to the sounds of the city, the sun setting beneath the skyline. It’s beautiful, really.

Despite all his stress, he’s glad to have this home. To have you. To have a life together. Despite what the costs may be.

“Aki…” He turns to see you standing in the doorway, smiling softly, raising a hand with three fingers missing. “Dinner’s ready.”

He freezes with horror at the way the three stubs gush with blood, the flow almost rhythmic and red rivulets pouring down your slim forearm.

“Fuck!” Aki runs up to you, and you seem confused. He wants to swear again, now is not the time for your zoning out, for you to distance yourself.

“What happened?” He sits you on the toilet, the seat down and your head leaning against the wall. You whine a little as he presses a towel to staunch the blood flow, but still don’t seem to understand — gazing up at him with a sweet, dopey look in your eyes.

You cut off your own fingers, and you aren’t even scared.

Tears start to pour from his eyes before he can stop himself, and your face falls a little.

“Aki…what’s…wrong?” “I’m so sorry.” He weeps into your hair, his hands shaking. “I’m so, so sorry…” “For what?” You tilt your head, smiling softly.

“For everything…everything I’ve done.”

___

The first time Aki takes you, the guilt almost stops him.

You tremble when he brushes his hands against your stomach, whimpering a little.

“Tickles, Aki.” “I know. Stay still, okay?” The tiny apartment is nothing special. You’ve been holed up here for two months, courtesy of the government. Two months since you lost everything.

You cry pretty much every day. It’s practically all that you do.

“Why…why are y-you touching me?” You ask softly. “What are you doing?” “Just…just want to make you feel good. You’ve been so sad lately.” Your lip quivers, and he scoffs. Of course he said the wrong thing, and now you’ll start crying again.

“Come here. Let me kiss you, okay? You’ll feel better.” It’s an idea that makes you hesitate, but you don’t pull away when he leans in, pressing his lips to your softer ones. Your mouth tastes like the peach juice you drank with lunch, sweet like nectar.

You gasp after he pulls away, looking up at him with those same, big eyes. He kisses your forehead, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“See?” You nod ever-so-slightly.

“S’better…but I…I-I’m still…” You start to sniffle again. “M’sorry, I—” “Don’t apologize. Let me still…let me make it better.” His lips attach to your neck, pressing soft but hungry kisses down the side of your neck. His mouth kisses your chest, the parts not covered by your tank top, and travels down to your bare stomach before he looks up at you, his face just above your hips.

Long, lithe fingers hook into your sleep shorts, and you whine as he pulls them down. You poor thing, you’re shaking. He knows how scary this must be, how overwhelmed your brain is, still so raw after all of what you’ve just lost.

He’s lost nothing. He has all he needs, right here.

One finger dips inside of you, and you let out a long, shaky whimper.

“Hurts, Aki—” “I know. Just relax.” You have a hard time “relaxing”, your hips bucking and legs twitching as a single digit inside of you fries your brain. He strokes the bony part of your hip, trying to help calm you.

“Just watch me, okay? Just…keep your eyes on me.” You nod, your teeth clamped down on your lip. A poor, sweet little flower ripped from its stem.

The white-hot cry you let out the first time he sinks into you is almost enough to make him stop.

“Aki! S’too m-much…” “I know. Just breathe. Look at me and breathe.” He finishes quickly, too young for true stamina. After he’s done, his sweaty forehead plastered to yours, he pulls away and out as gently as he can.

You collapse back onto the pillows, your small hands going up to cover the flower between your legs, red and irritated and dripping with fluids you don’t understand. Like bruised rose petals that drip with nectar, nectar mixed with the blood of your innocence.

___

For the first time in three months, Aki allows you to go outside.

“It’ll be good for you, I think.” He hopes it’ll be good for you. He’s losing you too quickly — whatever is eating away at your brain has been accelerating, and he hopes it’s not too late to try and bring you back, bring his sister back.

You walk to the nearest bus stop, dressed in a sundress he chose since you say they all look the same. On the bus, his fingers rest on your leg reassuringly, and your eyes flutter closed, head leaning against the window. Your mutilated hand dances over your other knee, your good finger stroking the soft floral fabric beneath it.

“M’sleepy, Aki.” “I know…just thought it would be fun.”

You smile softly and nod.

“Thank…thank y-you.” A gentle squeeze of your thigh makes you hum.

You reach the stop rather quickly. Dazed and distant, you follow behind your brother, your hand snug in his as he leads you down the trail. This is the last stop on the bus route — the end of the line, as they say.

He’s not sure what he’ll do if this can’t bring you back.

The gardens are beautiful at this time of day — half an hour past ten, a warm breeze ruffling your hair and the soft gurgling of the creek that runs through the area. Birds are singing nearby, flowers are in bloom, and it’s mostly empty save for the small children who frolic in the grass and the old couples feeding ducks by the water.

At the end of the field lies a stone retaining wall, about three feet high. At the top, there are thick tresses of ivy, along with the clusters of the flowers you taught him to identify.

“Ah, here we are.” He sits you down on the wall, smiling gently. You watch him, that same soft look on your face, although confused now as you see him pick some of the blooms.

“What’re you doing, Aki?” “They’re honeysuckle.” “Honey…suckle?” You hum. “That’s a pretty name.”

“Don’t you remember?” He kneels in front of you, one of the flowers in his hand. “You taught me how to eat them. Can you show me again?” You frown a little, but then giggle, shaking your head.

“Eat them? I don’t…remember. I-I’m sorry.”

His jaw clenches, and he shakes his head.

“No, no…you have to remember. For me. How do we...how do we get the nectar out?” You shrug, still smiling.

“Dunno, Aki. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of honeysuckles before.”

#aki hayakawa #aki x reader #chainsaw man x reader #aki smut #aki angst #tw incest

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lost-khione · 4 months ago

Text

Invisible Thread

Summary: What if Akiyasu’s father died before he was old enough to know about being an onmyoji? This is a story about little Aki and his encounter with a certain ayakashi. The story assumes that his mother knows that his father is an onmyoji but doesn’t have complete understanding of the details.

Note: I missed writing and for some reason my comeback fic is about Aki bc I saw a prompt ‘Invisible Friend’ but uhh it turns out the prompt was actually ‘Invisble Guest’ and well,, anyway, I’m still thankful for stumbling on that prompt that resulted to this fic!

To Sae, my Aki stan friend, this is for you

Word count: 680 words

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Mother and I are at the Capital today. We visit from time to time when mother needs to buy some things. I’m starting school this year so we bought the supplies that I will need. I think we already got everything. Mother is still talking with someone she knows. I got her permission to visit this shop filled with various knick-knacks to pass the time.

I walk further inside to check the other items in the shop when I feet a little tug from the supplies I am carrying on my back. I stop and look backwards but there is nobody behind me. I take a step forward and there’s a little tug again. I retract my foot and start turning around but I feel it again.

There must be something in my bag, I think to myself.

I take a step backwards and take off my bag. On a closer look, I see an almost invisible thread stuck on my paintbrush. I try to remove it but it remains stuck. I can clearly see it going somewhere. I look around and see the people walking on the street oblivious to the thread.

It must be something that only I can see. Mother told me that my father has some sort of spiritual power and the things i can feel and see is because of that. She told me that she will show me my father’s belongings once I am older but for now, she warned me against doing anything reckless. I think my father’s death is connected to his powers which is why mother is not that keen on letting me use mine.

I take the paintbrush out of my bag and walk out of the shop. I check and see my mother still busy talking with her friend. I know my mother warned me but I can’t ignore it when it is stuck on my paintbrush. I decide to follow the thread and see where it leads me. I gently tug on the thread and it seems really sturdy. Whoever is on the other side must want this paintbrush.

The thread eventually led me to a shine not far from the bustling market. I have spun the thread on the paintbrush as I follow it. I give it another tug and this time, I can see it lead to a tree. The person who made it must be on the other side. I tug the thread strongly this time as I approach the tree. Surprisingly, a dango fell on the ground. Just as I am about to raise my head to get a look at who attached this thread on my paintbrush, I hear my mother’s voice calling for me worriedly.

“Aki! Why did you run off here?”

I sneak a glance up the tree but all I manage to see is black hair swaying in the wind. That person must have hidden inside the tree hole. I turn around to look at my mother and notice that the thread hangs beside him. That person must have cut it.

“I’m sorry mother. A thread is stuck on my paintbrush and I can’t get it off,” I explain to her while showing my paintbrush with the thread spooled on its handle.

My mother looks at my paintbrush and replies, “Akiyasu, why are you playing with a spider’s web?”

“This is a spider’s web?” I ask my mother, feeling confused. “I thought it was some sturdy thread. I tried pulling it off but I couldn't. I followed it here.”

Mother seems to understand what happened. She stops asking me any more questions. She must have felt that this is because of my ‘power.’ Mother gets like that. Whenever I see or feel something and try to investigate, she asks me but then stops herself eventually. I think mother doesn’t really perceive such things which makes it hard for her to ask me about them.

We go home with my paintbrush and the spider’s web. I hope that the next time we go to the Capital, I can meet this spider.

#arr fanfic #ayakashi akiyasu #aki and kagemaru's first encounter #hello fanfic i'm back! (just for now haha)#it feels weird that my comeback fic this year is about aki #i miss arr!#ayakashi romance reborn #ayakashi koi meguri #ayakoi #ayakashi kagemaru

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skyloftian-nutcase · 7 months ago

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Hi Lofty!

Fellow Healthcare worker here, I think I remember you saying you work nights? I'm a dayshifter that will be transitioning to overnights in a month, and am both excited and scared since this will be something new not just for me but for my whole department.

I was curious, did you specifically choose nights, and how do you like it compared to days? I would think nights would be quieter, but I also know to expect the unexpected, and things can go from dead to hectic in an instant.

Also, do you have any advice for going to an overnight schedule? I'm sure my sleep and eating habits will be messed up for the first few weeks until I get into a routine, are there any other challenges you think I should expect?

Sorry to talk work, I know you probably come here to get away from that, but I don't really have anyone else to talk to and felt you are a safe person to talk to.

Anyway, have a good day/night/whenever you happen to be awake! (I am well aware our schedules can be very wacky)

Hello! :D

I did in fact specifically choose nights. On my unit you have the option to do just nights or to rotate, and you can request to go on a waiting list to work only day shift. I prefer nights, but it’s a mixed bag to be perfectly honest. (This got long so I’m putting everything under the cut)

What I like about nights is that there are fewer people (there aren’t eight thousand teams rounding through the room who never introduce themselves to me and come and go without telling me a darn thing, or they ask me a million questions), visitor restrictions apply (I love family coming to see the patient… just don’t love having to entertain them or be interrogated by them while I’m trying to do stuff lol), the coworkers are much chiller it’s a very different vibe between day workers and night workers, and no management.

What I don’t like about nights is essentially not work related - it freaking kills your life outside of work. Let’s say you work three nights in a row. When you get off it’s the morning of the next day, and you can either make yourself stay up and be a zombie but awake to enjoy that day off, or you sleep the entire day, which wastes a day off, and then you’re still nocturnal for your remaining time off, which makes doing normal people things difficult. It can strain your mental health, especially with lack of sunlight, so you just have to find a way to handle it that works best for you.

I will say, there is one more thing that I don’t like about nights: many providers feel like nights are just “status quo time,” in other words, don’t do any interventions to rock the boat. I’ve fought and argued with doctors multiple times for patients who are showing warning signs of decompensating only to be ignored because they don’t want to do anything drastic on night shift. Had it happen pretty recently and just about wanted to punch an intensivist (I had told the resident that we needed to temporize the patient’s K because it was 5.5, and given his AKI and low UO we should consider options like diuresing or even CRRT and since the resident was brand new she listened, but the intensivist later was like “eh you didn’t need to do that” and wouldn’t do anything about the pt’s nonexistent urine output and ATJEIWOAJFDKSALJFEIWO I do not like that man)

Advice for going to night shift! I’ll make it bullet points so I stop having these giant paragraphs:

When possible, try to cluster shifts together. That way you’re not constantly jumping back and forth with your sleep cycle

The day before you work, there are multiple ways to make yourself nocturnal in preparation. I usually push myself to stay up as late as possible, and go to bed between 4-7am. Others will take a nap in the afternoon before their shift.

Black out curtains are your beloved. They make sleeping during the day so much easier. If you can’t afford those at the moment, an eye mask is a cheaper and effective alternative.

Many of us need some kind of noise to help settle our minds after work since many go to bed directly after work. A fan, a white noise machine, anything like that. I personally like ambience videos off YouTube, rain and thunderstorms or crickets and stuff.

If you’re trying to fall asleep after a shift and it just ain’t happening, there are a few things you can try. If benadryl makes you sleepy, you can try using that, though I don’t necessarily recommend making it a habit so much as a backup plan. Some people say magnesium makes them sleepy. I’ve used alcohol before to help me sleep but it doesn’t promise the best sleep. Another option is carbs! I’ll eat just a couple slices of bread or something and then you get a nice little food coma feeling.

Try not to kill yourself with your caffeine intake lol. And note when to stop caffeinating so you can fall asleep! I usually have to stop by 4am or I won’t be able to sleep right after work. (Though lately I’ve given up on falling asleep right after work, it usually takes my mind a couple hours to settle down so I fall asleep closer to 10/11am or so)

Note that working nights is probably gonna take a toll on your mental and physical health. Take vitamin D supplements to compensate for the lack of daylight, it’ll help boost your mood too. A lot of us have light lamp therapy stuff too, especially for winter. Try to find a good balance of letting yourself rest at home to wind down and being with some kind of support system.

Have fun! Night shift crew is almost always awesome, we’re wacky and fun and laid back! :)

#you ask skye answers #Lovely 16mistypaw #I don’t mind talking work all that much #I love helping others adjust to similar work! :D #There’s no avoiding what I do on this site after I started writing the healthcare AU anyway XD #Hope this helps!

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alzenic · 2 months ago

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kicking my feet hiiiii can you tell me more about your gk ocs they intrigue me ^_^ whats up with mister Mukaibo & Ninagawa and the whole thing with Tsurumi ...

Hello, thank you for asking! I’ve been meaning to post more on my Golden Kamuy ocs so I’ll gladly talk more about them! This will be a bit long so please bear with me….

Ryūsei (in this case 2nd lieutenant Mukaibo) is unfortunately a part of Tsurumi’s harem because he had offered him a position in his division where he is allowed to do what he does best - tinker with weapons and invent better ones. Ryūsei was a budding scientist with big ideas but little support socially, so he was quite isolated around the time that Tsurumi approached him - perfect time for Tsurumi to pour all his “love” on him! Anyways after that he became hugely devoted because he believes what Tsurumi is giving is the affection he’s always needed and wanted.

Now for Akihiko (in this case superior private Ninagawa, nickname Aki), he was adopted by a military family and was convinced to join the army by Tsurumi who told him that he can live up to his name (Akihiko - bright prince) and finally make his family proud by becoming a soldier and lead his comrades in battle with his beautiful face and confident disposition, basically becoming the second flag-bearer after Yuusaku died. At the time, Aki was extremely devoted to Tsurumi, but after the war he realized the mental cost that being in such an important position and watching his fellow soldiers die while he lived had on him, so he saw it more as a curse than a blessing - because of this he confronted Tsurumi impulsively, but was sweet talked into staying loyal.

OK!! Background information for them both are laid out!! Now we can get to their relationship!!

Because his face got blasted during the war, Ryūsei is mostly unable to fight but still remains in the army with a rather high position because of his scientist status. So for the first time that he went out to search for skins for Tsurumi, Aki was sent to accompany him. The two are initially on different footing due to their varied loyalty towards Tsurumi, but as they get to know each other and as Ryūsei delved in on his genuine romantic affections for Tsurumi, Aki realizes he’s deep in the manipulation and basically tries to talk him out of it. In the comic specifically, the scenario happens after this conversation - in the end, Aki decided that he will instead devote himself to Ryūsei even if Ryūsei is still obsessed with Tsurumi, but what he doesn’t know is that his actions turned a couple gears in Ryūsei’s head regarding his affections for Tsurumi….

Oh man oh man, I hope this answers your question! There’s definitely a lot more to their relationship and their individual views on Tsurumi as well as the rest of the 7th division, but it’ll get too confusing if I typed it all out in this one ask. Also it’s 1AM here and I need to catch my z’s but I am very very willing to talk more about them :-))

#alzenic ask #oc ask #gk oc #i love yapping!!

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one-winged-dreams · 1 year ago

Text

Happy Birthday Video Games

ship: the reveries of my mind (adri x akingraeux)

source: original content

word count: 942

I HAD TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BEING PONG DAY, so have a cute little ism with Aki. Also a teeny tiny casual surprise in there. ;3c

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

"It's video games' birthday today."

Aki perked up, his attention focusing on Adri's sudden entrance. The latter was looking at his phone screen, keys almost missing the side table.

"Uh?" Aki prompted him to elaborate, realizing he was currently getting annihilated in Guilty Gear, but gritting his teeth and letting it happen all the same, controller set aside. He was more than willing to throw a match easy.

It only hurt a LITTLE bit.

But elaborate Adri did, turning his phone out to show a particular meme.

"It's pong day. Video games' birthday."

Adri was sporting his usual melancholic expression, but for now, it was graced by a small smile accompanied by an adorable head tilt.

Cute, cute, CUTE.

Trying to downplay how charmed he was, Aki snorted. Though he was unable to suppress the grin that spread across his face, he managed to reply casually enough, past the sounds of Nagoriyuki biting the dust.

"Oh fuck, yeah, I remember when pong came out. Shit was revolutionary."

Adri blinked, lashes fluttering over wide brown eyes.

Cuter still.

"You- Oh man, you're showing your age there, Aki. I mean, I guess it would make sense, that probably wasn't even that far back for you. So you've really picked up on the gaming thing in this itty bitty portion of your… Nevermind, sorry," he blushed suddenly, realizing he was going off on a tangent.

There was no way Aki couldn't NOT laugh at that, placing his hands on his knees and then pushing himself up off the couch. Accompanied by the music from the character selection screen, he made his way over to where Adri was looking downward.

Humming thoughtfully, Aki leaned down and to the side, trying to catch an expression and looking very silly in the process. All part of the plan, of course, considering he caught Adri giggling a little.

"Well I AM pretty old," he commented, leaning off further to follow the way Adri's head turned to hide the grin he was cracking. "So yeah. I played pong when it first came out. I guess that makes me the literal only legitimate gamer. Posers can't even touch me."

He delighted in how Adri finally straightened himself, laughing in a manner so adorable his heart leaped.

"Aki!" Adri giggled as Aki embraced him tightly, giving him a little squeeze and pivoting them left and right.

"Yes I'm a god, yes I play video games," he continued the bit, his tone exaggerated in a charming contrast to the wide affectionate grin on his face.

"AKI, PLEASE!" Adri erupted into laughter again, the melancholy expression entirely replaced with joy.

"Please what, cutie?" he teased, pulling one of his arms away to tilt Adri's chin up as had become a habit nowadays.

Adri blushed again, but he didn't seem unhappy at all. Quite the opposite, Aki could tell his move had improved significantly.

In fact, it felt like it had almost…

"Pleeease… I don't know what to say, aaaah!" Adri whimpered, trying to turn his face to the side to avoid looking into those pale eyes that affected him so.

But even still, his smile was wide and genuine, and in turn, Aki's settled into a warm, subdued one.

"You don't have to say anything, angel. Not one thing," his soft reassurance was a surprise, as was the act of him tucking some hair behind Adri's ear. The way it had been obscuring his face was displeasing to the god, he wanted to see everything.

Everything.

"Aki?" Adri's smile had become an expression of curiosity, lamb-like in its innocence and naivety.

"Mmmmmh?"Aki practically purred, leaning down to place a kiss on top of Adri's head.

That earned him a squeak.

"You're…" Adri breathed, and it was clear that he wasn't sure where he was going with that.

But Aki made sure that expression turned back up to him, those big, shiny brown eyes directed entirely at him.

"Yours," he stated matter of factly, with that same soft smile.

"M-?" Adri blinked rapidly, not finishing even a single word, but Aki knew what he meant anyway.

"Yes. Yours. All yours," Aki leaned down as he spoke, creating a space just for them, between sheets of raven hair, hesitating just for a moment before continuing, "In service to your faith."

Adri couldn't breathe, let alone speak, the proximity making his lips tingle in ways only a god could make real. Buzzing that wouldn't and couldn't be remedied by anything other than…

Neither of them had any expectations for what the first time would be like. Nor any sort of semblance of an imagined time or place. And the feeling of it, the physical weight and sensation of nerves sending signals to the brain, could not have been predicted either.

Adri's lashes fluttered.

Warm.

Aki's fingers held Adri's chin firm.

Soft.

It could have gone on forever, that singular temporal point. Fixed in time, possibly fate if you were inclined to that sort of thing.

Adri had mentioned he'd never been in a relationship before, never been kissed before. Aki could tell by the way his soul was singing to him, his essence laying itself as if to adorn an altar, that this was an important claim to stake. And the way those eager lips began to part. He knew that Adri was starting to feel it, and god, more than anything, he wanted him to. But not… THAT.

Holding Adri's face in a fixed position, he pulled himself away, his own mint eyes opening by a margin just in time to see Adri's do the same.

"… Happy birthday, video games."

"Y… Yeah. Happy birthday."

#self ship #self shipping #dream fics #the reveries of my mind

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youkaigakkou-tl · 2 years ago

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Chapter 100 translator's notes thoughts

Would be pretty bold of me to call this tl notes considering how long and rambly it got lol

First off, some news: JP volume 15 will release on June 27! It’ll likely contain ch 94 to 100 (based on pagecount). Vol 2 of yoseito also releases the same day, probably containing ch 16 to 32 (and i’ll finally be able to tl ch 16)

Also, vol 13 in english comes out July 18

Chapter Name

Honestly I could have translated it as “Hundred Demons’ Night Parade of Hyakki Academy Island” but that’s really long and doesn’t have the double “hyakki”s and also everyone knows what “hyakki yakou” is right? Right?

Anyway, the part I’m pointing out is the way it’s numbered. In Chinese and Japanese, there’s an alternate system for numbering things in a set if there’s only 2 or 3: 上-中-下 or 前-中-完结 (or 后)

上-中-下 means literally “upper - middle - lower”, 前-中-完结 means “start - middle - end” (if there’s only 2, it skips the middle)

So the fact that this is used tells that this is a 2 or 3 part arc, instead of simply “part 1” which tells you nothing about how many parts there are total. Unfortunately, simply “part 1” is also the most natural way to number things in English so it is what it is. Also I don’t know if it’s 2 or 3 parts so it’s not like I can confidently put “part 1 of 2”.

While we’re on the color spread, did you notice Seimei in the back? (With the JP he’s way more covered by the text)

At first I thought it was “gods / teachers etc / class 2-3 / family” but then I realised Principal was on the left so its actually “senior citizens / teachers etc (relative youngsters) / class 2-3 / family” (and then later noticed Seimei and karasutengu troupe behind Ranmaru)

Also Ame on the color page again!! Ame nation (population: me) being fed this year amen

Autumn Festival

The autumn festival, or aki matsuri. As the name sounds, it’s kinda vague, and from what I could find, while a lot of shrines and temples celebrate it, there’s not one nationwide date, and it happens anytime from early October to late November, most commonly around late October to early November.

(Really? Is canada really focusing on dates again? For real? Again?)

Late October/early November is probably right, given the most recent confirmed date we have (ch97, October 18th), and it’s still within 2 weeks of ch95. (And also because time travel stuff hasn’t happened yet, which also has to be within these 2 weeks where he has bandaged arms. its me, ceo of time travel truthing)

What Is Sensei Cooking

First of all, the bandaged arms, Hatanaka time travel etc etc I’ve said this a million times.

The mystery of why Ibara likes Hatanaka in the first place gets brought up again! It’s GOTTA happen it HAS TO.

That aside, this is the second time it’s brought up that the baby may be a shutendouji (the other time is ch 81) and I’m starting to think this is going to be like… real plot or something…? Eyebrow raise?

If we do the maths, ch11 (the first senseis’ sunday chapter, where we learn Ibara is pregnant) happens on May 26th (assuming my timeline is right), and it’s currently October/November, so she’s at least 5 months pregnant. It also mentions she was feeling ill, which was why Hatanaka took her to the hospital, so she may have already been a few months pregnant at that point (assuming the pregnancy is a similar length to humans’)

Well. This doesn’t really mean anything but I like putting things into perspective.

Also, I’m just realising that both senseis’ sunday chapters (11 and 81), besides being “the teachers hang out on a sunday”, are actually caused by Ibara being pregnant. What the hell why is this manga so smart (I may just be stupid)

Random misc TL notes

Late Edo period would be around 1850s/60s. For reference, Takahashi was in school 120 to 130 years ago, and the main story takes place sometime in the 2010s, so that would have been the 1890s, plus minus 10 years.

I’ve mentioned this before and it’s not really an important detail, but “temple” is for Buddhism and “shrine” is for Shinto.

“Shintai”, literally translated, means “god’s body”, is the object of worship at shrines that stands in for the god itself. It could be something small and held in the shrine like this mirror, or like the whole of Mount Fuji. The tree at the shrine Genbu recommends in ch 94 is also a shintai. I could have translated it more but if they’re going to talk about it a whole lot may as well keep it as it is.

Now “shinsen” is evidently such a rare word that sensei had to put that note there, and also my phone couldn’t type the “sen” kanji. If it weren’t for that note I totally would have just gone with “food offering” and been done with it!! (shakes fist)

The stuff on the shelf is probably what clued Principal in that Ranmaru didn’t have prizes other than candy (besides knowing what he’s like ofc). There is no way this guy owns A5 wagyu. Or onsen trip tickets. Also irrelevant but that game console says “sailor” lmao

This thing… well… the screenshots speak for themselves

Marodo Shrine

Marodo shrine has actually been shown before, in chapter 27. It wasn’t even brought up by name in any dialogue but it stuck out to me because I remember finding it weird there’s a shrine on the island and googling it to get no real answers. The name itself is pretty vague, “客人 marodo” just means guest, in this case “guest deity” (so it's not the name of any god).

But looking at it now with the knowledge of, yknow, turtle island, it’s fairly interesting.

There are a few shrines called “Marodo shrine” but the common trend seems to be an association with Itsukushima island (also known as Miyajima) or the sea. The most famous one probably being the one in Itsukushima shrine (the shrine with the giant torii on the ocean), and the island itself is said to be the god and the object of worship. There’s a pond called “Kagamiike” (mirror pond) in the shrine, and the Marodo shrine itself worships the 5 sons of Amaterasu, which tangentially connects it to the Yata no Kagami mirror of the three sacred treasures of Japan. None of this really means anything it’s probably just happenstance. For one, Itsukushima is in Hiroshima, nowhere near the location off the coast of Tokyo that the manga shows multiple times.

But it’s not like I’m pointing this out because it’s a 1 to 1 comparison, rather it’s an interesting coincidence (probably). By the way, I think this is where the shrine is on the island (since it’s on the mountain and has steps leading up to it)

Turtle Island

Anyway. Speaking of turtle island. Wow turtle island am I right. I still have not recovered from turtle island this page is insane. I’m pretty sure this is also the first time we get a good look at the island from above. You can see the train station they’re at in ch 58 at the bottom there.

Like how principal face reveal recontextualizes every previous time we see him, this is the same thing to me.

It specifically points out that it's from Chinese mythology, which is interesting, and I wonder if there's anything more to that than just being trivia. In Chinese mythology, the spirit turtle, or just turtles in general, are a part of a set of 4 sacred/illuminated/intelligent beasts, being: dragon, phoenix, kirin and turtle. This is distinct from the other set of 4 animals that are Seiryuu (dragon), Suzaku (bird), Byakko (tiger) and Genbu (turtle + snake). But these two share a lot of concepts because they’re the sort of animals that show up everywhere in Chinese mythology anyway.

Mount Penglai (Horai in JP) is said to be an island where immortals reside and is carried on the back of a spirit turtle in the ocean to the east of China. (This will be relevant?)

Turtle Tangent

A commenter on Bilibili (the chinese tl site) pointed out, and I’ve noticed personally, that the spirit turtle of China is typically a land tortoise or freshwater softshell turtle, and almost never depicted as a sea turtle, even in the context of “carrying an island in the ocean”.

This is very irrelevant, but I haven’t seen anyone make the connection, so my hypothesis is that “sea turtles” just weren’t a known thing in ancient China. There are 5 species of sea turtles native to the seas around China, but all known nesting locations are far in the south, whereas most of the population centers throughout history have been in the north, and most importantly, inland. On the other hand, tortoise shells have been used for writing and divination since writing developed, and softshell turtles are used in chinese medicine.

Of course, that wouldn’t be the reason in the modern day, but perhaps that specific image of the “spirit turtle” has become encoded into the mythology and become a fictional creature as much as dragons or kirin.

Honestly I’ve Just Been Chasing Tangents For This Part

Another story that comes to mind when hearing “turtle” and “mythology” is probably Urashima Taro, a fisherman who saves a turtle and is carried on its back to the dragon’s underwater palace, but when he returns to land he finds that hundreds of years have passed. In an older version of the story, instead of the dragon’s palace, he is taken to Horai (aka Mount Penglai).

There’s some kind of connection here with Itsukushima shrine I think, which is said to be built on the ocean in the image of the dragon’s palace, located on and worshipping an island mountain.

None of this means anything, probably. I just want to see what sensei cooks up really

One last thing though, about Ranmaru. We get 2 pieces of somewhat-conflicting info directly from him: “this god owes me a favor so they gave me this island” and “this island IS the god, and they’ve been asleep in a mirror this whole time”. You see how this doesn’t sound good for Ranmaru right. I don’t necessarily think he’s lying about any of it since he looks too serious for that, but he’s definitely leaving out some important details on purpose.

Thing is, if the mirror has to stay in the shrine to keep the god asleep, telling the principal to make offerings to it every 3 years a pretty good way to make sure the shrine is maintained and the mirror isn’t lost to time, as well as sidestepping the problem of curiosity if he outright said “the condition is you keep that mirror in that shrine”. Actually, did the shrine and mirror already exist on the island before Ranmaru gave it to the principal? And if it didn’t, how was Reiki being kept asleep before, and who made the mirror?

In any case. Ranmaru I love you but you are going to have to explain everything. Anyway this has been 1800 words and I need to end it so I can close the 50 wikipedia tabs I have open.

#rambles #a terrified teacher at ghoul school #youkai gakkou no sensei hajimemashita #time travel truthing yet again. when will i talk about anything else #reusing the color spread clean for this post too. it took so long

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verilly · 2 years ago

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Aki Hayakawa x Reader

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aliusworld’s songfic event— inspo: MANNEQUIN album (Deco*27)

Description: “My booming heart is heating, killing me.”, “With you my world is now breaking through.”, & “You’re my receiver.”

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, self hate, K¥$-ing, major character death, borderline obsessive reader, suggestive(?), and well… angst.

{5261 words}

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[1]

‘Dear Aki,

I don’t really plan on giving you these letters at all, well… maybe you’ll just find it or something! I’d rather die than tell you how I feel.

I’ve been told to write these by a few friends to get a few things off my chest. Like a diary? Except they’re all aimed towards you! Because you’re the person I care the most about.

After we met, my life has gotten a little bit more bright. When I heard you got hurt during the whole Gun Attack I wanted to die. Because without you, I would be nothing. I really like you, how can I express that to you without exactly saying it?

I don’t know yet. But I’ll figure it out! I always do. So, I wonder if you like me?’

The note was nothing special, only something to express your surface level feelings. You folded it nicely and shoved it into a drawer. You felt a little better, you were lying in that note.

If you really were scared that Aki were to die, you would have visited him. Yet you didn’t. You did see him the moment he was discharged, but it was only out of sheer luck. You just happened to pass him, you bowed your head and made your way around him. You didn’t wait long enough to see if he reciprocated your act.

Maybe you should’ve.

[3]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked to me first today! That was so nice… you smelt like cigarettes, which is gross, but that’s okay. It’s you. Everyone has their flaws, but if the majority of people think it’s perfectly fine, then so should I.

This sounds bad, but I don’t really remember what we were talking about. Maybe it was about devils? Or— was I supposed to be doing something? Maybe you were scolding me, I guess it just slipped my mind after you left, sorry about that.

But we went out to lunch together! I thought it was really fun, we talked a bunch! And this time, it wasn’t even all about work, some personal stuff too… I’m sure it’s because Aki just lost Himeno. I don’t want to be her replacement, but if he wants me to be something like that, I’ll change.

You make my heart beat so fast… what am I supposed to do? I feel like if I’m away from you for too long my heart will stop beating completely! Is that bad? Maybe I should distance myself from you just to make sure I’m not driving you away.

Everyday, whenever I see you, my smile gets a tad bit wider. I hope you notice it. Unless you find it creepy or weird, then please don’t notice it.

I wonder if you feel the same.’

Aki was the one who started the conversation that time. There was no one else in the room but you two.

“[name]?” It was Aki’s voice, he’s so soothing…

“Mm, yeah?” Your voice cracked, you ‘mentally’ punched yourself by grabbing your arm quickly and digging your nails into your skin, this was the first time you talked to him in ages! How could your body betray you like that?

“I’ve noticed you’ve been staring at me, did I do something to upset you?” His words hit you like a truck. He has never done anything to make you upset, why is he thinking like that? We’re you staring too much? It was supposed to be a secret! Then again, you were never good at being ‘sneaky’.

“W-what?! No way, y-you haven’t done anything like that at all!” Your stutter. You hated it, but you had to say something, or else me might think you’re crazy or ignoring him! “I’m sorry that I’ve been staring. I really didn’t mean to…” you lied through your teeth, but Aki didn’t need to know that.

“Oh, you don’t need to be sorry. I was just wondering, that’s all.” The room went quiet after that. It was an awkward silence, even the position was awkward. You were sitting on a lounge chair while Aki was standing, looking down at you. “Hey, why don’t we go somewhere to eat? You’ve been working here long enough and I don’t think we’ve talked too often.”

Lunch with Aki? Hell yes!

[8]

‘Dear Aki,

My expectations have been blown. We’re buddies now, who would’ve guessed that? Considering my luck, I never thought that I would hit the jackpot like this! I’ve always wished it happened, I guess there is some sort of god up there.

There’s a lot of these letters too, so to commemorate my success I bought a box to keep the letters in! It’s a baby blue color, I drew small designs on the edge to make it look prettier too. I’ll keep it under my bed. Hopefully it won’t pick up any dust!

Our first patrol together was very tame compared to the other ones I’ve been on. No fiend yelling in my ear, the area was full of other humans, and you were on my right! I don’t know if you meant to do it, but you were walking closer to the road, making me farther from it. You’re kind even if you don’t mean it. I appreciate that.

Some of these letters are really embarrassing, I really hope you actually never find any of these. I’d melt into a puddle on the floor, I think I’d even quit my job. But you’ll never find these! I’ll make sure of it!’

[11]

‘Dear Aki,

Today was really scary. You took a hit for me from a devil. Please. Never. Do. That. Again.

Your sacrifice would be in vain because I’d kill myself if I were to cause your death. Don’t worry though. I took care of that devil. You passed out before you got to the Hospital, it was so scary… I can’t put it into other words.

I waited for you. I cried, a lot. Not because I felt like it was my fault (it was definitely there though) but because I couldn’t have you dying on me. I finally just got to get closer to you, so why would someone take it away so quickly?

Is that a bad way to think?

You’re still in the hospital. I miss you. They haven’t given me any information on how you’re doing. I wish they did.

I have so much to say to you, but I’ll keep it on the inside. It’s safer that way.

I wonder, do you miss me too?’

[17]

‘Dear Aki,

You’ve been out for so long. At this point, I’ve been writing these things more than once a day. My wrist kind of hurts.

This time is different though, I visited you in the hospital! Actually, this is my second time coming to see you. It took me a lot of courage, but you probably wanted to see me, right? If not me, then probably someone other than the medical staff.

When I got there, you were on your back, staring at the ceiling. Almost as hard as I stare at you, haha…

I don’t think you noticed me at first because I don’t peg you as the type to ignore someone. So I got closer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this before. You looked so weak. I felt so bad.

I brought you a fruit basket and a few other things… I can’t remember them. What I do remember is that you asked me to buy you another pack of cigarettes. And I remember purposefully not bringing them.

That’s what I didn’t like about Himeno, the whole getting you into cigarettes thing. They gave me a headache. I hope you stop sooner or later.

You didn’t get mad at me or even ask about them! So… I think it’s working. I wonder how long it’ll be until you get discharged.

Miss Makima made it so that during work all I had to do is paper work because I didn’t have any available buddies. It’s boring, I really miss you at work.

I stayed there until visiting hours were over. It surprised me, you told me you wanted me to stay when I was going to leave earlier. It made me feel special. Thanks for that.

Have people really not been visiting you? Or am I special in your eyes, I don’t know.

I wonder, what’s going on in your head?’

Aki’s eyes were zoned out, looking into the ceiling, he didn’t notice you came back. You smiled when you saw his face again, still as handsome as ever. You knock on the wall to get his attention. He finally looked over to see you, it looked like he was happy when he laid his eyes on you.

You sat down on the chair next to his bed as you placed the fruit basket gently on the table next to you.

“Hi Aki, are you feeling any better?” Your voice sounded sweet, you tried your best to make it that way, almost acting like Aki was some sort of stray animal that could run away at any moment.

“Kind of… what brings you here, [name]?” His voice still sounded the same, maybe a little more raspy, but that can’t be helped. He probably hasn’t spoken in awhile.

“I… I- uh. I just wanted to see you again, that’s all. Work has been a little shallow.” The room was filled with silence yet again. Maybe this was a mistake, he’s still hurt, how could you think he would be in a state for holding a conversation? “Hey Aki, there was something I was going to say that I could the last time I came to visit.”

“Yeah?” Aki turned his head to look at you fully, he didn’t look like he was struggling

“…Please don’t do that again.”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“The whole saving me thing.” You tilted your head while shutting your eyes and leaning onto your hand, “Don’t do it. Please.”

“[name]?” He spoke, but you didn’t stop.

“If your going to get hurt, do it so I don’t think it’s my fault. I know it sounds horrible, but I just can’t stand it. I would rather die then let it happen again.” You opened your eyes again to look at him, “I know it sounds selfish, but I just won’t be able to handle it. I can barely handle what’s happening right now. I feel like I’m going insane.” You take a deep breath in after you finish

“I can’t do that, sorry.” Aki sighed and looked back up at the ceiling, no longer facing you.

“Alright then,” You stand up dreadfully, turning away to face the door, “That’s all I really wanted to say, I’m sorry for coming back so soon.”

“Wait- [name] don’t leave.” Aki’s voice echoed.

“…?” You turned back, his voice sounded weak, did something happen the second you turned your back on him? He was sitting straight now, he was looking at you

“I’ve been stuck here for too long. Please, just stay here with me for a little longer? I… I promise I won’t do it again.”

“…of course, Aki.” You sighed and sat back down next to Aki, “…I’m sorry I said that”

[22]

‘Dear Aki,

You’re finally out from that stupid hospital! I can finally spend more time with you. I feel like we’ve been getting extra closer after you left. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to lose you again? Which is true, but this just feels weirder! Maybe you’re trying hard too?

Did you notice? Today while we were on patrol together, our hands touched. Well it was barely even there, but I felt it. You didn’t react or pull away either. Maybe you just didn’t feel it? Your hands are quite rough after all, or maybe you did and you enjoyed it. That will forever be my truth.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling my memory’s slip away from me ever so often, so when I came back home I rushed to grab a piece of paper! The box isn’t dusty at all because I take such good care of it. If we were to ever get together, I promise to take extra good care of you too. Even more than I do the box.

I wonder, would you like it at all?’

[29]

‘Dear Aki,

You took me out on a date today. I’ll remember it forever. Or at least, this paper will.

I’ve been writing these things in public lately, I just can’t help myself anymore. Sometimes I scribble them out if I feel someone near me. But I guess if I numbered it and put it in the box I didn’t do it to this one.

How many times have I rewritten this note? I don’t now!—

Back to the date, the restaurant we went to was really fancy! Should I call it a date? You never really said it was one, but I think it had the same vibes as one.

I ate a salad. It didn’t cost much because you said you were paying. But still, you insisted for me to get more, which I promptly refused. Yet you ordered Almond Tofu and gave it to me. I remember Himeno talking about it before, saying it was like your favorite dessert… and you gave it to me. I’m so lucky to have you.

I really wish I could’ve paid. I felt really bad. So I’ll get you a gift for later! What would you like? Maybe some extra hair ties? A simple gift, so you wouldn’t be suspicious of me feeling anything for you. But then again, that also sounds too simple.

Ugh!! I just don’t know what to get you. I’ll have to dig deeper into you to find more and more about you! Unfortunately, the only person who I knew who had a really strong connection to you was Himeno. But you already know what happened.

Should I ask Denji? Power— NO! They’ll just blabber it out. I just know it!

So who else?

I wonder, am I the closest person to you now?

[34]

‘Dear Aki,

I fell asleep in the same car as you. We were both sitting in the back of another members car. I don’t know how long the drive was, I really do wish I was awake for the whole thing.

Last night was a doozy, I got hurt while on a mission with you. But I really didn’t want you to get worried, so I hid it from you.

When I got home I was really in a lot of pain. And then I had to fix myself up all by myself. I was to tired. Even though my bathroom and a few splotches on the floor were covered in blood, I fell asleep.

Well I tried. I stayed in bed all night. Here and there I would pop a few of the medicine I had in the cabinet, none of it helped.

I kind of wished I showed that I got hurt so that maybe you would’ve let me stay with you and you’d help me and touch me and hold me… but that probably wouldn’t have happened—

I almost forgot! The car ride! It was amazing! I feel like I slept the best sleep I’ve had in years and it’s all thanks to you! And maybe the cars vibrations, but mostly you! I felt so safe.

Though almost all I saw was pitch black, I remember waking up that I was on your shoulder. I jolted awake, I almost ripped the wound open again, but I didn’t!!!

I wonder, did you put me on your shoulder or did you just let me stay there? I hope it’s the first option, but either one’s good.

[47]

‘Dear Aki,

I’m hoping to confess to you soon. All these feelings I have can’t be put to words on useless pieces of paper anymore. I need to tell you. I need to get closer to you. I need you!!!

Still, I reviewed these letters to see what I should say when I eventually tell you. I didn’t get a lot from it other than that I’m absolutely crazy about you, but I think it jogged my ever fading memory.

I’ll write in here again on what happens after I do. If it doesn’t go well I won’t be writing any more, I’ll distance myself from you. For both of our own goods. (Is that how you say it?)

I wonder, will you feel the same?’

[48]

‘Dear Aki,

You said yes.

Still. I’ll never show you any of these notes. They’re way too embarrassing…

I wonder, if I ever showed these to you… would you understand?’

“Hey Aki, we’re gonna get off from work soon. Mind talking to me in private for a little bit?” You look up at Aki, he was smoking. You never got him to stop. You see and smell the smoke. The streets were empty and the two of you were waiting for the traffic light to switch.

“Hmm, it’s only the two of us right now. Can’t you tell me now? I have to get home quickly, y’know… because Power and Denji are-“

“Yeah I understand. Uhh…” You close your eyes as your face flushes, you tilt your head and open your eyes back up. “Okay. I like you, Aki.”

“What?”

“I mean that, I have a crush on you Aki. I’ve been having it for a long time now.”

“I-I knew what it meant I just… I guess I wanted to hear it again.” There was a light blush on Aki’s cheeks. He looks so cute… you waited for his answer.

“…do you like me back?” The seconds that passed by while you two were crossing the road felt like years. You felt your head turning away from him. It’s been so long. He probably doesn’t, you felt like you were slowly turning into ashes.

“I… I like you too.” Aki’s arm pulled you closer as you were straying away from him unintentionally.

“Y-You do??”

“Have I given you any reason for you to think otherwise?”

“Yeah! Like sixteen! Just now!” Your face was fully red, your head was pulled to his side. His arm was on the side of your shoulder. “Sorry. It’s just… been a while.”

“It’s alright, [name].”

[55]

‘Dear Aki,

I feel like after we started to ‘date’ I’ve been writing less of these letters. Probably because I’ve been telling you how I feel more often, which is good! I long for the day where I can tell you everything but that day is probably going to be years from now.

And from what I’ve heard, you don’t have a lot of time left. It was a whole miracle for you to accept the love I feel for you, how long will it take for us to do something more?

The day I told you about my feelings, I invited you to my house. Even though you told me you had to go home quickly to Power and Denji, you walked me home after work. You didn’t stay long, but it was nice, and luckily my house wasn’t a mess!

Oh— I forgot. Today. Today was crazy. Today you actually stayed at my house. Well, stay is a big word. It’s Sunday today and we actually had an official date! You said something about Denji and Power promising not to do anything.

So… today we held hands! Even though your hands looked fine, they’re actually pretty rough. We went to a cafe. This time I actually got something I wanted, just a Matcha crepe cake! You ordered the same thing, I didn’t know we were so similar!

The best thing happened to today though. Not the date, not the hand holding… we kissed. It was so best. Your mouth on mine. It was so good, you were so good.

I can’t wait to spend more time with you outside of work.

I wonder, do you do too?’

[57]

‘Dear Aki,

Things have been great. You’re great. I feel like it’s been like a week since I wrote a note. But I still have feelings. So much on my mind that I just can’t say.

Like… as I’m writing this, you’re sleeping on my bed. (I’m at the kitchen counter writing this) I can hear you snore, it’s kind of cute. We’ve been kissing so often so it’s all normal and whatever but… this time you felt more desperate.

Is that a nice thing to say? I don’t know, but I enjoyed it. Your touch is such an energy booster, but for you… I just don’t know if you feel the same. Because right after… you fell asleep and you left me here awake and needy.

You’re so much hard working than me, so I guess it’s understandable. But I just can’t fall asleep next to you. I was tossing and turning and I just got up to leave you because I thought I’d wake you up.

You’ve been staying at my place more often, I’m really grateful! Though I can’t help but wonder how Denji and Power are doing at your apartment. It scares me that they might mess up real bad and that you won’t ever come to visit me again. Maybe I should confront them about it at some point… like paying them? I dunno.

Are we at that level yet? For me to want to… uh. (I’m too embarrassed to write it out, but y’know. Like the birds and the bees.) I’m longing for you all the time, can’t you see that? Or maybe you’re just not ready.—‘

“[name]? Why’d you get up?” Aki yawned as he walked out of the bedroom

“Huh? Oh no, I just couldn’t fall asleep that’s all!” You turn your head to face him as you crumble the note in your hand

“Oh, what’s that?” Aki got closer to you, resting his head on your shoulder. You sweat and smile up at him.

“I-It’s nothing. It’s just a piece of paper I was drawing on.” You lied and prayed he didn’t pry further. He didn’t say anything about it, “I’ll try and go back to bed with you. C’mon.”

“Alright.”

You never finished that note, you still stashed it away into the secret blue box though.

[58]

‘Dear Aki,

We didn’t go to work today. You called in sick. I did too… from the same phone. That was stupid, but they probably won’t be up our ass about it. I wonder why you’re staying here for so long? Are you waiting for something to happen?

Ooh! Are you actually thinking about sex? Naughty boy. Haha, but I don’t think I’d mind.

You’re making me breakfast right now, I can smell it. I’m currently stuck i. The bedroom quickly writing this. I feel bad for leaving the other letter unfinished even though I know no one else is going to read it. So I guess I’m just relieving myself.

I can’t wait to try your cooking. It smells great.

Thanks Aki, love you.’

You shove the paper into the box under your bed right before you leave to say ‘Good Morning’ to your boyfriend. He looks, tired and depressed to say the least. Did something happen while you were asleep? He didn’t respond back until you wrapped your arms around his waist from behind. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all, it’s just that I…” Aki didn’t look back at you, he looked so out of it. He turned off the stove and placed whatever he was cooking. “You know about my contract with the Future Devil, right?”

“Oh? Yeah I do, what about it?”

“I… saw something.” He sighed as he brought the plate to the kitchen table, “And it was about you.”

“…Yeah?” You start to get worried, if it was nothing unimportant than he wouldn’t be getting like this. So what was it about?

“You were dead- or, dying? I don’t know, but I keep seeing it over and over again. It’s like the Future devil just wants to torture me.” You watch as Aki slowly breaks down, it was the first time seeing someone as strong as Aki cry. You don’t know what to do, so you pat his back. “And I don’t know how much time we have, fuck, it can be in a year. All I know is that it was here in your apartment and… and I want to prevent it.”

“Well, if it’s my apartment, then maybe we should go to yours?” Aki was crying and all you could do is pay his back, your death didn’t scare you, but his reaction did.

[59]

‘Dear Aki,

You talked about my death. So we went to your apartment. It was still in the morning, so Denji and Power were still there. You were still down in the dumps so I had to distract them from eating you alive or something.

I’m writing this in the inside of a napkin. That’s fun.

You scared me, not because I was going to die, but because… you were scared. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that. Do you really care that much about me? I guess that’s normal. If you were to die then I don’t think I’d keep living. Maybe still alive, but just an empty shell. So, I won’t die. Because I don’t want you to live like that.

I think I’ll finally write in my will. I’ve been planning to anyway. I’ll put you in it… and I guess my family and some friends. Maybe I’ll give you that box with all my notes in it. Then maybe if you read it, you’ll feel less bad for losing me. Or feel even worse. That’s bad.

What should I do?’

[61]

‘Dear Aki,

I’ve been staying at your house for a while now, and we went back to work. The past two notes I have are being kept in my pockets of my clean clothes. I barely leave your side now, which doesn’t bother me.

You’re always so frantic whenever we go back to my apartment to grab stuff. I always assure you that we’ll be fine but you never believe me. So guess what I did?

Hehe you already know, I made you relieve your stress by using me. Can you believe it? We finally fucked. It was nice. It was good. You kept crying during it though, but I didn’t have any time to comfort you, and even if I did it probably wouldn’t have worked, you just kept going. I feel bad for your roommates who had to hear all that.

After we did, I finally had some good sleep. It’s weird sleeping next to you, but I guess I can make it work.

I love you, Aki’

“Aki, my legs hurt. I don’t want to keep going for this patrol.” You whine as you tread through the streets of Tokyo. The sun was starting to set, how long have the two of you been walking?

“It’s fine— [name] get back! There’s a devil here…” Aki murmured, pulling out an arm to shield you, even though there wasn’t any visible devil out and about.

“Where is it?” You whisper as you clutch your own weapon of choice

“It’s inside the walls of that crummy looking building there. It’ll jump out, there’s more than one too. Watch out.”

Just like he said, a devil popped out from the wall of the empty building next to you. Another devil popped out, then another. They all looked the same: was it the Zombie devil again?

It didn’t matter, Aki sliced through them with his katana. So did you, again and again, the rush made it so that you couldn’t feel your legs. Then it hit you like a truck, your leg started to cramp right when more of those devils started to crawl out from the building. You yell out for Aki as he swing away at the monsters. He couldn’t hear you. It’s your fault, you should’ve been louder. Maybe you should’ve made that contract with the Claw devil when you had the opportunity. Then this outcome could have been prevented, but it wasn’t.

They didn’t bite you, so maybe they weren’t zombies. What are you thinking? You’re about to die and all you can think about is the stupid name of the devil? Isn’t your life flashing before your eyes? No, it wasn’t. You were strange, even though you were on the floor barely breathing, you could only think about for disappointing this outcome was. Was this how your story ended? Without being able to say goodbye to Aki? Without even being able to die in his arms? Only to die on the concrete floor surrounded by the stench of the devil’s corpses that surrounded you. You wished you took the day off today.

“[name]?! Where are you?” Aki’s voice boomed from your left.

You couldn’t say anything. All you could muster was a quiet plead for the devil to stop. You take back what you thought, they were biting you. Not in a zombie way, they were chewing on your flesh to heal. It felt like hell. Why didn’t they just kill you before they started to feast? You can feel your blood turning cold as it oozed out from your soon to be corpse.

“[name]?! Motherfucker-“ Aki rushed over and sliced the Devil’s head, blade nearly hitting you. There’s no way your making it out alive. “[name]?! Can you still hear me? Fuck… what did it do to you…?”

His voice was ringing in your ears, you couldn’t see anymore, you couldn’t even respond was a movement. Your eyes were already forced shut when the devil was devouring you, you couldn’t open them again.

“Fuck fuck fuck, there’s no way you’re… I never saw this future. How was I supposed to prevent this?” Aki cried as he held your bloodied body in his arms. He couldn’t do much other than to choose between calling someone and tell them you’re dead or being you to a hospital and waste their time. Aki decided to bring you to the hospital, he heard rumors that Public Safety that fiends were made from devil hunters who died on field, he didn’t want that for you. He’d rather know your body was resting forever than see it be reanimated unconsentually by another devil.

Aki cried in the hospital’s bathroom stall, even though he loved you, he still didn’t want anyone to witness him cry. You were officially pronounced dead a few minutes later. Aki did his best to contact your family in person to tell them about you, but he couldn’t find much.

Aki wasn’t surprised that he was in your will, what did surprise him was the box he received from your home.

‘Dear Aki, if you’re reading this then it means I died before you. I’m sorry for leaving you so soon, you’ll be okay, I promise. Don’t miss me too much, I have a lot of notes here all for you! Read them if you want, or preserve them. I hope they make you feel better or something like that, if you couldn’t guess already, I’m horrible with words. I’ll always have so much more to say, but I’ll just stick with this!

I love you, Aki.

-[name].’

[1]

‘Dear [name]—

I wonder how you’re doing.

-Aki.’

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MASTERLIST

Yours truly, 💟

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