#and i know some people will see my freedom and think me repressed

[7loveneverfails]

I had been feeling off lately. Not coming to my Bible reading or prayer with my whole heart (which I initially tried to frame as "not getting anything from it but that was a result of not coming with my whole self).

So I said a simple prayer asking God to help me see what I needed to adjust.

I thought it might be how much I have been reading cause I can get a bit manic with that, or the amount of time I spent working through ideas for my stories, or even just reading while I rock my daughter to sleep.

Then I was thinking through a particular scene and I realized what I was doing.

When I was younger and new to faith I gave up writing stories for a long time because while my stories themselves were not raunchy, my mind certainly was, and the stories always gave a background for my mind to indulge in lustful fantasy.

So I gave it up.

I hadn't thought about that in a long time because my mind didn't really use my stories that way anymore.

But the particular scenes I was fixating on lent themselves to it.

Last night I had a good prayer time, good reading after a day of reading for hours and worldbuilding for my stories.

Because the problem was that simple foothold I was giving the enemy and my forgetfulness about my freedom in Christ.

I don't know if this makes a lot of sense, but I hope it encourages someone. If you are having a hard time approaching the throne lately, know that you are not rejected, just take some time to pray and see if the enemy snuck in some footholds while your attention was elsewhere. I promise God is all about freeing you from that. The Spirit will speak to you and guide you if you listen.

Praise God for the saving blood of Christ, the wisdom and guidance of His Spirit and the freedom bought for us.

[phantomwitch16]

So I just learned the Nanbaka ending. Safe to say that it was not what i expected and I wanna talk about it :,)

Warning to the many people who have not been able to make it past chapter 192 or only watched the anime, the majority of what i know is from TikTok's, the comments of the vids and what i've pulled together by myself and what i've seen on Pinterest. Plus, despite my like for the series, I don't know much, its been a few years since I've done anything with the series , there is a cut off point with the manga and even then i don't know if it was in any particular order.

When i first started the series, I felt like i had a good idea of where the series was going. Like as the series would progress, we learn the pasts and motivations of the main cast, like Uno, Rock, Nico and the others, while seeing Jyugo learn about the shackles and the man on the scar. Then at the end, some shenanigans results in our main cast of idiotic prisoners being released early or finishing off their sentences in around a year or two. but because they either grew attached to the prison or liked the perks of working there (annoying Hajime, anime and food), they decide to go back and become guards of building 13. With Jyugo possibly doing something like this each day.

But that didn't happen. Instead we get something a lot more different than what I originally imagined.

In the end of the series, we learn a lot about Jyugo's backstory, how he and the boys first me and more about the man who shackled him. As it turns out, Jyugo was never friends with Uno, Rock and Nico. They met him but they weren't friends, I think. Initally, I didn't think that he even met them before the start of the series until finding some of the fan translated pics of the manga on Pinterest (Search Nanmaka manga ending Jyugo and you should find something, just find one and keep on scrolling). All the memories that Jyugo had with them were fake ones that were inputted by the clone of the man with the scar/his biological grandfather, i.e. this guy, Hiiro, I think is his name. Hiiro with black hair, scar guy with white guy down here 👇

I'm not entirely clear on what they were planning initially but Hiiro was the one who inputted the memories and orchestrated him going to Namba and becoming friends with the three, who possibly have at least met them individually at tone point. From what I am aware, Jyugo was the clone of Mashiro Mutsuki's (Scar man), grandson who alongside his daughter's, Touko, Jyugo's mother. She died while she was pregnant with Jyugo and Mashiro kept her body so that she could be cloned and give birth to Jyugo.

There were bit and pieces of Jyugo's childhood, with him and Hiiro. And Jyugo was nothing like how he was during the series. He was serious, had no general emotions and all that and i think his clone body was falling apart or he was sort of shapeshifting. He only became somewhat normal and acts similar to how he does to the series when he put the shackles on.

But the shackles had another function and it was to repress his memories and powers. Specifically his memories with Hiiro, the scar man and what his friends did to him. Uno, Nico and Rock were brought in to teach Jyugo how to live in order to be released from prison and gain their freedom. And kill him some time before the series started. This was part of Hiiro’s plan but I’m not too sure about his reasoning. They did that, and when the shackles are gone we see the evidence of it on Jyugo's neck.

All this makes looking back on previous adventures quite differently. In short they were never his friends for a time but did grow close in the time afterwards and began to feel guilt for what they did to him. They eventually come to talk to Jyugo about it and apologise but at this point, it was too late. Jyugo remembers everything when the shackles break and is practically reverted to his previous state. And it leads to a bitter confrontation that leaves the three shaken. As seen below 👇

I'm not sure to what degree of involvement Nanba Prison and the staff there had. By all accounts, its seems that Hajime and the other guards were just as or even more in the dark than Jyugo. Upon finding him, Hajime treats him like he's always has.

The only moderately positive thing and relatively Jyugo related thing that the reverted Jyugo does is that he has a brief interaction with Hajime’s cat who he says goodbye to.

In the end, Jyugo disappeared from the prison with a splatter of blood left behind, leaving apparently with his grandfather. Then that's it. A very WTF kind of ending for a comedic series. It...honestly not what i expected. Beautiful art stuff, yes. WTF moments, yes. Hilarity, yes. A very bitter ending with barely any sweetness in it…neat.

[rainbowsky]

GG and DD and queer representation

As some of you might be aware, Greece has finally legalized same sex marriage. This was very exciting news!

I had an ask related to the Greek marriage equality debate and had begun drafting a response but ended up getting sidetracked, and by the time I got back to this post marriage equality had already won.

I figured I'd finish this response because it covers some ground that newer turtles might find useful (and because I hate leaving things like this unfinished).

@rozanthi asked: Πιστεύετε πως οι χελώνες βοηθούν η δυσκολεύουν τους ggdd στην σημερινή πραγματικότητα;

Hi rozanthi!

Here's the rest of the ask(s) rozanthi sent.

rozanthi asked: Sorry l put my question in English and not in Greek by mistake. Do you thing that turtles benefit or harm ggdd in today's sircumstansies, reality. I apologize if in someway l offended you with my question about turtles and ggdd. Maybe that is the reason why you didn't answer. But you see, in my country(Greece) these few last months, a debate is going on in our parliament about voting to make political marriage between people of the same gentre legal. There has been a lot of fight and tension from our church and people with no manners or Shane minds. I asked you that question because l support ggdd as a couple in a relationship as barriors of a message as pioneers of something important for China to accept. And l wanted to know how much public support in the form of turtles help them along or make it more difficult. Here as more we support homo. homosexuality we bring thanter and more hate. In February we will know if we made a baby's step in out parliament. Support your ggdd in any way you see tat you really help them and not making it worse on them. They need support Ln the most gentle delicate way. Thank you for baring me.

First of all, it's OK to send me an ask in another language. Don't apologize for feeling better able to express yourself in your first language. I can always machine translate and ask for clarification when I feel I'm missing something (and the asker can clarify if I get anything wrong). Although I think you've done an adequate job of communicating your question here in English.

Second, as I've said many times, people should never read anything into whether I answer their ask or not. It's almost always just a result of me picking easier/quicker questions to answer.

Now, to address the ask.

Your question reflects some misconceptions/misunderstandings about GGDD's situation and about what turtles represent. Some of the topics you're discussing here are not directly related, and I'm going to try to break them down into their component parts for you.

The first and most important thing I can say to you is (and this is really, really key to understanding GGDD and understanding what turtles are in China):

GG and DD are not representatives of the queer community, and turtles are not a political movement.

Quite the contrary. I think it's fair and accurate to say that GG and DD, and by extension turtles, actively take steps to avoid being seen as part of a political movement, queer movement, protest movement or human rights movement.

(In fact, unfortunately many turtles are actually not particularly LGBTQ-friendly, don't support queer rights or gay marriage, and don't even consider GG and DD to be gay/queer. Many believe GG and DD are only 'gay' for each other, which is homophobic and a reflection of poor sex education).

It's essential for their own safety that GG and DD are not seen as political movement in China, or as figureheads of the queer rights movement. The Chinese government and even a sizable percentage of the public at large tend to take a very dim view of anyone who tries to organize and rally around subversive political causes.

Especially the current government, which is very repressive and has been rolling back LGBTQ rights and freedoms and cracking down on queer orgs, shutting down LGBTQ outreach organizations, etc. Pride events and large public gatherings are treated as disruptive protest movements, and have been banned.

There are queer male turtles in China who actively avoid openly identifying as turtles in order to protect the fandom from being seen as a queer rights movement.

Turtles are a fandom and are categorized and treated that way both by turtles and by passersby. Just a fandom of 'cute young girls' clowning over some handsome boys they ship together.

It's important that it stays that way. GG and DD cannot be seen as leading a movement, they cannot take on the role of leading a movement, and many turtles would likely not even support such a movement.

That's not because GGDD are queer, by the way - although under the current government queerness is becoming in some ways more restricted and frowned upon at least from an official perspective - it's because political movements are frowned upon*.

*That's not to say that Chinese people don't organize or protest around certain causes, but those causes tend to be more municipal or limited in scope. Broader political movements - especially ones that appear to stand against the policies of the current regime - are generally very quickly quashed.

That's also not to say that GG and DD aren't hugely inspiring to queer people all over the world, because they are.

GG and DD do not even present themselves as queer.

This is important to keep in mind. GG and DD are closeted, and are assumed by the public at large to be straight single men. 'Eligible bachelors'. This is a double-edged sword, but ultimately it protects them and protects their careers. Top stars are a lot more marketable if there's a perception of romantic availability, and relationships - even relationship rumors - can have a massively negative impact on a star's career.

Even straight married stars hide their relationship status and present themselves as single for this same reason, and straight married celebrity couples - even ones who are out as being married - who attend industry events will often pretend not to know each other in public (sound familiar?).

Coming out as (or being outed as) married or in a relationship is viewed as career suicide, and a star's numbers, opportunities and popularity will plummet. Not always, but usually. Producers and backers know what sells, and married stars just don't sell as much as hot singles do. Fans will pursue stars that appear to be single, and drop them when they marry or come out with a relationship.

Heteronormativity means the vast majority of people in China will assume GG and DD are straight, and GG and DD will not 'correct' them on that. Quite the opposite, they go along with and even at times might say or do things that help feed the perception that they're straight.

There are almost no LGBTQ public figures in China, and those who are out are not top stars.

As international fans, what we do and think doesn't matter much.

Things that happen in the international fandom are largely irrelevant to people in China, and are almost never going to have any impact whatsoever on GG and DD. What we think about them and what they represent to us is of little consequence to their careers.

For example, the ongoing i-fan debate about colored light banners is a bit of a wank because nobody in the international fandom is ever likely to be at an event where we would have to make decisions about what color of light banner to bring. Our thoughts about colored light banners are utterly irrelevant to the fandom in China.

It's really easy to lose sight of that as an international fan, and get so caught up in and wrapped up in our own ideas and arguments and debates that we forget that nothing we say do or think really has any relevance to GGDD's lives.

Our support for their projects and merchandise and brands, our subscriptions to platforms to view their dramas, our movie tickets, our fan support when they travel internationally... these things do have an impact on them and do matter, but the opinions and political ideas that we might discuss and debate here on Tumblr or even on Twitter are highly unlikely to ever reach their circle or directly impact them, whether positive or negative.

There are some notable exceptions to this. Making candy out of nationalistic posts - particularly posts about events of national mourning or major political significance - is unwise and could potentially backlash on them. More about that in this series of posts from Pie.

I talked about some of the other harmful things we should be avoiding in this post.

But the idea that anything international fans might do or say as turtles might negatively impact GG and DD is - for the most part - not a reflection of reality.

There are valid reasons to believe GG and DD value turtles and take strength from our support.

This fandom has been around for 6 years, and in all that time GG and DD have never sought to shut it down. Other dating rumors, CP, etc. have been shut down over the years, but turtles continue to be the top CP in China and the fandom is constantly growing.

GG and DD have been caught on camera many times reacting positively to turtle light banners.

LRLG rumors - which many turtles believe hold a lot of credibility - have repeatedly depicted GG and DD as enjoying our support, and have at times directly expressed GG and DD's appreciation and gratitude to turtles for our support.

Despite the fact that this fandom is hugely controversial among GG and DD's solo fans and even among some passersby, GG and DD and some of their associates continue to regularly feed us candy. This is something that simply would not happen if we didn't have GG and DD's support.

If we believe BJYXSZD, then it only follows that turtles would mean a lot to GG and DD.

There is a fine balancing act between GGDD and turtles, where we show our support and they feed us, and we all try to keep things light and fly somewhat under the radar.

But turtles aren't 'under the radar at all'. Turtles are an incredibly active, vibrant, loud fandom in China, with big events and public charity work and fan activities and banners and billboards, etc. etc. However, they manage to fly under the radar because they're 'just fans'. They're not a political movement and they're not troublemakers. They're just a bunch of fans having fun together.

They also fly under the radar by being seen as a crazy fringe group, a bunch of deluded clowns. They are underestimated and dismissed because of this, which protects GG and DD.

A lot of turtles wear that proudly because they know that they're acting as a shield for GG and DD. Turtles make it possible for GG and DD to get public support for their relationship without having their relationship outed. Turtles take all the hate and ridicule that's piled on them, so that they can show GG and DD they're loved and supported.

This is one of the things about turtles that is most beautiful and powerful. Turtles stick their necks out every day to support and protect GG and DD.

I talked about that in more detail in this post.

I hope this helps give some context about queer issues as they relate to GG and DD, and to the turtle fandom as a whole. While many people inside and outside China support GGDD and are inspired by them and view them as queer icons, the way they are framed and discussed will differ wildly between the Chinese and international fandoms, and what is said outside of China won't have much of an impact on GGDD. That's for the best.

For my thoughts on the politics of all this, please see this post.

[ckret2]

Sama anon that sent you the ask beginning with “I always figured that Bill held disdain for Soos because…” so sorry about that last paragraph in the ask, I realize you’re not the type of author to seriously change your story or writing style because you got a long question and saw it as a Hint, I was just feeling guilty about another author whose story I think I inadvertently messed with absolutely no idea or intention. Sorry. Ignore that last bit, it was kind of uncalled-for unfaithful..

I'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to copy/paste your original ask and put it under a read more since it's Long.

Yeah, as you figured out in this ask, I'm not changing anything. I know exactly why Bill hates Soos, and I know exactly when, how, and why the audience will find out. I only change my plans based on asks if they make me think of a way to do what I wanted to do that's even better than the way I was originally gonna do it.

But yes: the reason Bill hates Soos is personal.

Anyway, your theory has been officially noted!

Anonymous asked:

I always figured that Bill held disdain for Soos because he viewed Soos’s positive attitude/outlook and friendliness as being naive and mindlessly conformist and unaware of all the ways he was harmful and delusional in a blind-to-anything-that-society-doesn’t-say-is-bad, without ever having the curiosity/worth to think outside the box.

Like, think of how… a disabled person might see licensed professionals casually abusing their disabled patients with cruel, damaging practices that do nothing to help and actually obviously harmful if you think/ pay any attention at all, but they tell themselves they’re good people and cheerfully don’t look any further into it. And that’s how he sees Soos, and his morality, as someone who thinks he’s nice and good and doesn’t get everything he’s doing wrong/thinking wrong. Ish. Only Bill sees all order as pointless and repressive and evil.

(Maybe there’s a degree of separation, somewhere, because as we see in The Book of Bill, he verrrrry subconsciously sees himself as a monster, in a way that’s actually bad-bad. But overall the lines are blurred for him, between what values of society are pointless and cruel, and all order being bad, burn it down, kill the people. When it comes to Bill’s kind of morality, where chaos is freedom, and order— all order— is repressive and cruel and unnatural. Is doctors force feeding you meds to fix you when you’re not broken but they’re breaking you.)

And that it wasn’t particular to Soos, that any average, cheerful, “common ol’ Joe” human like Soos would in general receive that kind of disdain from Bill. That sort of, “what an idiot” feeling, that’s got some real pain, and hatred for everything he thinks that person’s cheerfulness and kindness/morality represents, buried deep beneath. Not anything too personal against Soos himself. Just everyone like him, and what they look like to Bill. A typical, benign, blithely cheerful example of the dumb masses, another moron human organic who doesn’t get it. And isn’t even weird/creative enough to be interesting, blegh.

And it makes sense, anyway, since Bill is basically being abused here, that he’d have disdain for any of the people complicit in it who put up a cheerful friendly attitude, which they themselves bought. Talking from Bill’s perspective here.

But anyway, with Bill’s disdain for Soos, I was just like, yeah, makes sense. Soos seems to be the type of human to come off to Bill as a typical annoying dense meatsack. I didn’t think about it too much though I guess it took a lot of words to describe.

But with that ask about Bill’s disdain for Soos… okay, so was it more personal/more, in general, than just the stuff I just said? If it wasn’t, that’s fine. It makes sense if Bill’s disdain isn’t any more personal or extra complicated than what I tried to describe. It’s interesting enough on its own, it doesn’t need more factors. I just wanted to ask.

I just realized the length of this ask probably sounds pushy, somehow, but I only wrote so much because I got sidetracked trying to put my thoughts into words, it was only going to be a few sentences. It really was just a casual question. I’m not even that committed to this over other things. Don’t change the preplanned story because of me, please. Or add a specific scene about Bill’s dislike of Soos when you wouldn’t normally because of me. And you don’t have to spell it out for us in the next chapter, or whenever you write about it, because of me. Your writing is already great, you don’t need to change it to be more obvious for any reason. Just write it like you would. I really was just asking casually, this ask was really going to be a few sentences long, but I couldn’t figure out how to put my thoughts into words and now it’s paragraphs, sorry. But yeah.

[angeart]

AU Masterpost [tags]

I think it's time. So I can keep track, and you guys know what's out there and how to search for it <3 I'll try to order AUs based on how much there is to them. Some AUs will only have a single thought/art underneath their tag, but there might be more added to them in the future, and if you're curious about anything, you can always ask. (I'm very easily convinced to drop rambles, as has been proven in the past—)

*

Help Me To Breathe [hmtb]

my main multi-chapter story, set in s8 boatem. deaths abruptly hurt on hermitcraft, and each respawn makes it worse. scar dies a lot by grian's hands, before grian even learns (the hard way) that things hurt now. welcome to a scarian angst hellhole where 3rd life flashbacks hit like bricks and guilt is mercilessly spilled everywhere <3

this fic is the epitome of it gets worse before it gets better. trust me.

cws: violence, ptsd, anxiety attacks, delusions, unhealthy coping mechanisms, suicidal ideation, suicide, temporary character death... please check tags on AO3 which i try very hard to keep updated

tags: #hmtb - an all-encompassing tag for fic updates, rambles, and art. (sometimes #hmtb art is also used in tandem, where relevant.)

fic: Help Me To Breathe on AO3

*

Hunted hybrids [hhau]

hermitcraft s8 got code-attacked and all the hermits got scattered into different worlds, lost and stuck in unfamiliar places, not knowing if their home still exists. the au follows scar and grian who ended up in the same world (although originally unaware)—a world dangerous and hostile to hybrids. grian is an avian, scar is a vex, and they're hunted relentlessly. also, it's permadeath <3

this au is self-indulgently used in RP and co-owned by linkito

cws: violence, blood, dehumanisation of hybrids, self harm (feather plucking), mentions of suicidal ideation... [updated cws in the hhau masterpost]

tags: #hhau

this one got out of hand so >> hhau masterpost <<

*

Boatem circus

scar, a sea-lion hybrid, builds a circus as a safe haven for all the hybrids and misfits that have nowhere to belong and need a place to heal. they all carry their own traumas and wounds, and scar gives them what they never had: gentleness and options and freedom to roam or leave. but it's not easy, navigating a growing community of varying triggers and buried pasts.

au put together with stiffyck

cws: ptsd, panic attacks, fear of fire, loss and grief, mentions of captivity/torture/abuse

tags: #boatem circus au

fics: don't be afraid, little bird (there are no cages around you now); elegy

[AO3 series link]

*

Sleep demon Grian

grian is a sleep demon, existing in the dreamscape, able to manipulate dreams and thriving on giving people nightmares. he meets scar in a dream, immediately intrigued and amused by his reactions, and he keeps coming back to him. scar, despite all the nightmares being thrown at him, catches a glimpse of his perpetrator, and grows curious in turn. they start talking, everything eventually culminating into a ritual and a summonning circle. grian, in the waking world, needs to learn how to exist somewhere where he can get actually hurt, and come to terms with the fact that he has locked away memories and trauma.

cws: injuries, fear, panic, nightmares(?), trauma, violence, memory repression

tags: #sleep demon grian au

au rambles: here

fics: the nightmare snippet; even if it hurts (and even if it isn't a dream) you can have a home here

*

Cursed forest

found family boatem, where each of them carry their own heavy past and an attached curse. they thought they'd never find a place to settle that'd accept them and let them heal. but they found each other, deep in a hidden away forest, littered by bones and flowers, death and hope. (honestly, just see the au rambles.)

au put together with stiffyck

cws: animal death, necromancy, grief and guilt, body horror

tags: #cursed forest au

rambles: here

fics: even with death haunting your footsteps, your flowers will bloom again

*

Ari au

grian (he/she) is ariana giande (ari), a famous singer beloved by the crowds. except things start getting a bit too out of hand. there are stalkers and people who think they have the right to ari's personal life, the right to see and dictate everything. the press gets out of hand. maybe the crowds get too rowdy. maybe—

more scared and overwhelmed by the second, grian gets a bodyguard. that bodyguard is scar. things continue to escalate though, and by the time ari calls a break in her career, everything's irreparably breaking down around her.

(If it wasn't clear yet, this is one very dark, very heavy, very human story. There's love and so, so, so much despair. Things go wrong and then worse.)

au with Ben

cws: papparazzi hounding, stalkers, lack of privacy, blurring of self, drugging and [attempted] SA, physical assaults, self harm, overdose, medical trauma, restraints, seizures, ptsd, depression, suicidal stuff (including several attempts)

tags: #ari au

au rambles: [part I] - [part II] - [part III] - [part IV] - [part V] - [TBC]

au art:

downfall in three stages - here lake scene art - here

*

Assassin au [work title]

grian is an assassin, scar is elven nobility. one day, grian is sent to kill scar, but upon meeting, they find out that they know each other. i promise i'll add a better description at some point.

cws: blood and violence, mind control, being generally oblivious about life, survival scenario, murder, possible animal death

tags: #assassin au (subject to change)

*

Misguided Heroes

scar is secretly hotguy, a hero meant to protect the people. grian is a shopkeeper at barge, but with self-proclaimed king ren wreaking havoc on economy and making life of ordinary citizens so much harder, he decides to secretly play vigilante, cuteguy, and stage a one-man rebellion.

also, scar and grian are roommates.

au for rp with sima <3

cws: injuries, illusions messing with perception/reality, [to be determined]

tags: #misguided heroes au

*

Ghost Scar

grian is a paranormal investigator. scar is a ghost. they meet, they talk, and grian resolves to do his best to make scar feel less lonely.

cws: dead character??? he's a ghost dw he's fine-

tags: #ghost scar au

fics: you exist in silence (i'll help you make a sound)

*

Silly vampire Scar

scar is a vampire living in a mansion too big and too lonely for him. grian and mumbo are survivors in a world riddled with monsters, which they learn to hunt and kill. one night, they seek shelter in what seems to be an abandoned mansion—

cws: general vampire stuff, [to be determined]

tags: #vampire scar au

fics: [one day]

*

Cuteguy au

things do be angsty in this one. scar is hotguy, grian is his sidekick cutecuy. one day, things go wrong and a building explodes with scar still inside. the body is never found. hotguy is presumed dead. that is, until cuteguy comes face to face with a new villain that is oddly familiar—

idea loosely bounced off of stiffy's TOGH au

cws: blood, violence, delusions, brainwashing, grief, loss of identity, presumed major character's death (twice. wild. huh.)

tags: #cuteguy au

*

Papers please au

what it says on the tin. scar lives with his cat jellie in a cold, small, state-provided apartment and gets assigned a job as an immigration officer at a border checkpoint. he... isn't great at the job, but doesn't have a choice, and needs the money to keep them fed and healthy. grian is the head of resistance, because of course he is <3

cws: dystopian world, cold, hunger, sickness, potential pet death, injuries

tags: #papers please au

*

Spirit au

grian is an avian living freely in a patch of forest. that is, until he gets caught by people who think hybrids are on-par with working animals, and is shackled and hurt and trained, to serve. there is a looming war, and flight-capable carriers are very valued (but not much cared for). scar is a vex hybrid, coming from a settlement that's kinder to hybrids, who also gets captured. they meet in captivity, and things happen.

cws: hybrid slavery, hybrid dehumanisation, loss of freedom, abuse, warzone stuff

tags: #spirit au

*

DL rp au

grian and scar in double life, soulbound and with vague memories of previous life games. their soul connection transfers not only all the pain and injuries, but also emotions. and they both feel. a little too much. (they're a mess, but also in love, as they should be)

au for rp with sima <3

cws: they very sad; self destructive tendencies (sorry there's no self in this one, they are linked and there's always collateral-)

tags: #dl rp

*

Half sea town au

a town half-submerged into the sea. the upper half is reserved for humans, who are seen as better, richer, the posh and the nobility. the lower half, the submerged part, is slum-like, reserved for seafolk, seen as lesser. many seafolk learn to live on land, to improve their standing (not necessarily living situation; they do need water). mumbo lives amongst the nobility. scar lived his whole life in the sea. grian, even though he belongs to the seafolk, lives on land. mumbo's best friend, forever trying to be something he isn't.

a crackers collective au

cws: er.. class divide?, self worth issues, needs denial in a way?

tags: #half sea town au

*

The underwater au that somehow fails to have a name the first thing i ever posted on tumblr woo.

an underwater au set somewhere in the wide, deep sea. merfolks. mumbo is a prince, grian, jimmy, and joel are his guards. scar is a deep-sea fish, and tales say those are scary and horrendous and dangerous. (he's just a silly guy, pls)

stiffy/crackers collective au

cws: injuries, idk

tags: #mer au

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

smaller aus/ideas:

last life scar: #post-ll scar's issues with touch

fixing double life scarian: #fixing dl au

puppeteer scar: #puppeteer scar au

cannibal scar/forest (the game) au: #forest au

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

others' aus that i have yoinked and might have content for:

#grumbo apocalypse monster au - ben's au that i slinkered my way into <3 - ben's au masterpost here - grian is very much a (horror) creature :3

#space grian au - also belongs to ben. also burrowed my way in to this one. hehe. (ben none of your aus are now safe from me.)

#snifflins au - crackers group au, based on that one time jimmy and scar were piglinmynose, and joel and grian were sniffermyfeet - twisted into snifflers and piglin hybrids (snifflins!) in the aftermath, trying to get used to their new bodies and instincts and needs.

#desert alien scar au - belongs to stiffy

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+ a whole bunch of aus (some collective ones) that i haven't talked about on tumblr yet <3

(for example, the zombie whisperer scar/dancing zombies au - postapo, (mum)scarian, with one redscape-focused fic (written for stiffy): the blooms in a dead world)

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(if i missed any cws for any of the aus, please let me know!)

reinstating that if you're curious about anything, i don't bite! come ask!

[my AO3]

[multifandombullshitbabes]

Random Merlin Rewatch: Where a random number generator gives me a season and an episode from BBC Merlin; and then I comment on it as I go.

Today's episode: Season 1 Episode 6 - A Remedy to Cure all Ills

Before I start, let me just say, I'm really happy I'm getting to rewatch the earlier seasons. Of course the next random episode might be literally season 5 or something, but it's great that it hasn't happened yet.

Let's fucking start bitches

Not the wiggly evil fingers just a few seconds in.

Damn boy you got some dirty ass nails, wash your hands.

MORGWEN MY BELOVEDS!!!! Also the way Gwen looked at Morgana after she asked who'd she want the flowers to be from. Girl looked ready to risk it ALL, let me put a screenshot actually.

OUGHHHH the brainrot is real with these two

LIKE??????? GWEN'S THIRSTY (me too)

Alright girls, enough yearning please

Ugh, I hate the little sound the bug made when it dropped from the flower. Butthole clenched in digust.

Oh thank god they DON'T show it literally entering her ear. That would've been so gross.

LETS GO INTROOOOOO

Oh Gwen looks BEAUTIFUL in that yellow color. It does everything for her!!

"She's all but dead, Merlin." JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GAIUS

Most suspicious ruse of all time. "Oh, i have a cure for all ills. And also I know the king's ward is very sick. But anyways, I'll be at the inn :)." Bitch.

"But I'm not worried." me when I lie. Merlin is so bad at lying, jesus fuck

Merlin sits down to stop pacing. Arthur gets up and starts pacing. Two sides of the same coin or whatever.

Underrated Arthur shirt is the purplish one he wears in the scene where he begs Uther n Gaius to hear the strange man out. That color looks good on him. It might be his red shirt but in a weird lighting?? I can't be sure.

I really like when Gaius gets to talk all medical considering how limited the medicine world was at the time. It's really really cool, I love seeing this insight into what was possibly like to be a physician at the time. I don't of this happens much in the show.

Arthur really is so trusting when it comes to his loved ones. Of course he's not at fault, like he said what do they have to lose at this point, honestly I've done the same. It's just. Heartbreaking to notice that trait knowing what comes next.

"Science is knowledge." Merlin is such a nerd, I love him.

Oh, not Gaius and Edwin having a lying competition over here. There's a better term for it, but whatever.

Gwen is SO FUCKING GORGEOUS but girl please that's a fucking sorcerer, go AWAY be SAFE. She's so smart though. Immediately knew something was off. He tries to be all "She may die :(." to get her to be worried and not suspicious, but it literally doesn't work. She leaves the room but not because she thinks he's got Morgana's best interests at heart. She knows something is wrong. She also knows she holds no power. And on the chance that he is right and Morgana dies, she'd never forgive herself.

The fucking lying back and forth between Gaius and Edwin. Like. From the outside, it sounds like a perfectly normal convo. But they both know it isn't. And WE know it isn't 'cause we know Edwin's full of shit.

Interesting how Arthur isn't seated but Uther and Morgana are.

Who the fuck knocks on someone's door, doesn't hear an answer, and then just let's themselves in?? I'm sorry, if you're a stranger, I'm not doing that. The fuck's wrong with you Merlin, you nosy boy??

It is so sickening that these villains of the week have views that we can agree with. Yes, magic is a gift and can be a force for good, you're right! But it's because of Uther and his oppression that they turn bitter and ruthless and vindictive. And yes, you do have to eliminate those who are like Uther because they will only propagate the same corrupted and repressive beliefs. The problem, the layers, is that some of those people are actually very much capable of understanding the very fundamental logic that "Sorcerers deserve too live in freedom" but they're so filled with fear and propaganda of the contrary that it's so hard to get out of it. And that's why, if they killed Uther with magic, Arthur would hate magic even more (just like it happens in canon), which would then just repeat the cycle, etc etc. You need to uproot the system, but killing everybody is not the answer; but also having to teach such a fundamental thing, that certain humans deserve basic rights, is such a painful thing to teach, and the oppressed does not have the obligation to do so. But then the cycle just repeats and repeats and it's SHIT. Anyways.

It's so funny that in season 1 they hadn't figured out the cgi for the golden eyes so they just. simply don't show it.

The things Edwin say are like. Well-meaning. But there's just this off vibe that the most intelligent characters (Gaius, Gwen, Merlin) can just. pick up. And even though Merlin really likes what Edwin is saying, there's just something telling him... it's wrong.

Uther, of course, would never even believe anyone would just lie so blatantly and manipulate him like this because he thinks himself very intelligent; which is why he's falling for everythinggg that Edwin says. But, credit where credit's due, Edwin is an excellent liar.

Gaius wears the most cunty ring on his pinky finger, hello?

I want that ring bro.

Oop, not Gaius having his cowardice and betrayal shoved right in his face. I get it, you wanted safety. But there's consequences to your actions. And I know Gaius feels so guilty about all his friends that died at the stake while he remained safe and sound.

If Gaius would've left in this episode, replaced by Edwin, I bet Morgana would've felt so guilty. In her mind, her illness is what caused him to leave. Gaius truly was there for Morgana and Arthur in ways Uther simply could not.

OOP Gaius and Kilgarrah meeting!!!!!!!! I forgot this happened lmao

Gaius got a little taste of how infuriating the dragon is.

Wait, Gaius was employed for Arthur's birth? That's so interesting. He probably already lived in Camelot but he's been a court physician for 20 years. He was already quite old by then.

It's the way that Gaius is just. Ready to throw his whole life away to make sure Merlin is safe and sound. That's his fucking son, bro!!!

What the actual fuck, they're gonna make me cry :(((( Gaius called Merlin a blessing and his son, I can't.

THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE IM GONNA CRY

Gwen is so iconic, speak the fucking truth girl.

THAT ICONIC GWEN LINE YESSSSSSSSSS QUEENNNN

Not Gaius with his lil blanket and lil fire. He looks so smol, it's so funny.

Edwin could've waited a lil bit before going all murder on Uther. That just looks suspicious as fuck ngl.

GAIUS GETTING BLOWN BACK SHOULD'NT BE SO FUNNY BUT--

I wonder how Arthur knew that his father was ill. It means he went into his room, but why? Did he have some feeling about Edwin? About Gaius leaving? Was it some courtly concern? I'm assuming no one else would have the privilege of seeing Uther at night except for his son and ward so.

Yes, Merlin, just stare at the floating axe that's being controlled by the evil sorcerer right in front of you, you're so smart. Also the slow-mo is so goofy.

It's interesting that they shot both Merlin and Edwin's eyes up-close when they did magic, Merlin to do the golden eye effect, but for Edwin it seems that his pupils just change size. I wonder if not all sorcerers have their eyes glow, if it depends on the magic. Edwin is using dark magic, could it be that? That's interesting, imo. Dark magic equals no golden eyes. Kinda fun.

Violent ass death for Edwin, damn. Axe to head, bitchass

Oh it must be so weird for Merlin to be touching Uther like that. Like that's intimate as shit.

So cuteeee Gaius calling Merlin a genius, they're adorable. He's so proud. That was a feat, though, just pure improv and luck. Merlin is still a noob at controlled magic so this was really damn good.

Love that it's so canon that Gaius potions taste like fucking ASS. Uther's face, lmao.

Interesting that Uther asked if Gaius remembered his friends that burned at the pyre, and Gaius answers "All of them." and Uther doesn't even comment. As bonkers as it sounds, they truly are friends in some capacities. I wonder if Gaius could make Uther change his mind. Not Morgana or Arthur, but Gaius. But he made the choice to abandon magic, Uther presumed because Gaius understood its dangers, but if he were to find out that actually Gaius doesn't agree, I wonder what Uther would think about that. Like a genuine and open convo about it. I think he'd just arrest Gaius for it, but I don't know. I think there's at least some reality where he gives it some more thought. But I don't know if he'd ever repel the ban, more because he'd have to admit that he was wrong, and admitting you're wrong is also accepting and processing all the shit you did for that wrong thing, and I just think Uther is too cowardly to do so. He knows it would break his mind to truly process all the pain and horror he's caused; so no matter his inner philosophies, he'll never repel the ban, because the damage has been done, and he'd rather live like that than start anew in the new reality where he's wrong.

"In the fight against magic, you are the one person I can trust." yet again. Gaius going against this? Uther can't fathom it. He's so confident that Gaius is 100% on his side.

Arthur smiling at Gaius, awww.

Two pretty bestfriends. No wonder half the kingdom wants to fuck them both. Also what the fuck is a "freeman"??? Genuinely, what is it??

And that is it. Loved it, of course.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

talking of family day/parent teacher conferences at NRC, think about how much people would want to pick a fight with riddle's mom and maybe even jamil's parents. crowley would hide it but riddle mom and jamil parents would go full karen mode if they found out about their sons overblotting too. they would be even more unbearable than usual omg

[Referencing this post!]

Heartslabyul forms a human barrier around Riddle 😇 Cater clones have to hold Adeuce back from doing or saying something to offend Mama Rosehearts (even though they so badly want to punch her and/or publicly tell her off). TREY HAS TO AWKWARDLY MEET HER GAZE ("Hello, ma'am. Nice to see you again?") ... I don't know if Mama Rosehearts remembers him or not, but if she does then she'll probably make a face or comment that Riddle is still hovering around bad influences from his youth.

It was so sad seeing the total change in Riddle's personality when he talks about confronting his mom during winter break 💦 He just turns into a shell of himself... (I'm not exactly a fan of Riddle shouting or enforcing his will on others, but such a drastic change in his character when his mom is around... 😭 That's truly an indication of the toxicity he grew up with and how much his mother's teachings were drilled into him.) We never really did see the aftermath of that winter break conversation (if they had it at all), so we have no idea how Mama Rosehearts reacted. I doubt she would have heard her son out; people tend to be set in their ways. If that's the case, would Riddle return to being that meek, obedient boy in the presence of his mom? Or would being at NRC with his dorm mates and his friends give him more courage to hold his ground against some of her demands?? 🤔

I feel bad for Jamil too because he's also in a situation where he has to act docile around his parents (or else be scolded and told to behave). Constantly repressing your real thoughts and feelings can take its toll on someone, especially for as long as Jamil has been doing it... I also distinctly get the impression that the Viper parents will fuss just as much about Kalim (or maybe even more) than their own son?? (Like asking how he's been, asking if there's anything they can do for Kalim, has Jamil been serving him well, etc.)

My hope would be that Kalim, now knowing what Jamil's been bottling up, holds his tongue about the winter break OB incident, but would still be able to speak up on behalf of Jamil. As mentioned in episode 4, there's no way Kalim can make a system which has existed for several generations disappear by just saying, "Jamil doesn't like it, so can you give him his freedom now?" However, I do think Kalim's sociability (and his status, of course) can help smooth over any tension between Jamil and his family. Maybe he'd say something like, "Jamil's been doing a great job looking after me! You don't need to worry about him. He's doing everything he can, so... I'm gonna give it my all too!" And only Kalim and Jamil would know what he's really talking about: that Jamil has said he's going to work hard and be his own person, and that Kalim wants to work just as hard to be his rival and meet him on an equal playing field.

I see Mama Rosehearts going Karen mode more than the Viper parents (though I do think the Viper parents would worry about Kalim's safety and get upset with their son for his involvement in attempting to harm him, whatever his reasons were for it). There is the classic Karen entitlement to how Mama Rosehearts behaves, but the Vipers seem to be more... humble? Or at least not as self-centered... though I guess the trade-off there is that other people (Jamil) bear the emotional burden on their behalf. They're both "evils", I guess--just in their own ways.

[burritowitch]

Lonnie's 'in case of my death' note from shadow of the bat #41 which according to @lesbiananitafite reads a hell of a lot like a suicide note because he is Not Normal, written out below because it is so hard to read as is:

It looks like tonight must have been that night. I know I've caused you a lot of pain and grief over the past couple of years, and I'm sorry for that. You thought you were bringing me up to be the All-American boy, playing ball on the weekends, studying hard to be a doctor or lawyer. Instead you got a criminal. My memory is tainted, my good intentions derided. And, probably, I'm dead.

How to begin to explain how I feel? The world is like an alien planet to me, the brittle laughter and hollow fun of a theme park overlaying the nightmares of war and discrimination and brutality. The people society respects-- the great and the good-- are, in most part, the small and the evil to me. It's as if I see with laser eyes, burning away the surface illusions that hide the fact that we're zombies-- puppets controlled by somebody else. Again I'm sorry, because I know you're upset. You're good people-- nearly everybody is good people-- and that's what the elite take advantage of. But society is changing. The information revolution allows every man to see the great and good are no better than him. The old power structures and their fascist ways cannot compete with the anarchy of tomorrow's technology. The time of the common man is coming. No longer will he have to march to battle as fodder for bankers and arms makers. No longer will he live in a fog of deceit stoked up by politicians' lies. The future is freedom... and all I ever wanted was to hasten its birth.

I think it all began with Xuasus. I was eleven when he became my penpal... Every month I wrote to tell him the wonders of America-- Every month he wrote back with tales of hovels and soldiers and the brutal repression that made up his life. After a year, his letters suddenly stopped. Mine were returned "Not Known." Another year passed before I found out why he Xuasus wrote once more, a single sheet scribbled in some seedy back alley. His father had been arrested and not heard from since. His mother took ill. His sister died of malnourishment. At the age of 11, Xuasus was fending for himself on the streets. Remember I asked you to help me find him, Dad? You said it was another country, the rules were different there. We could do nothing. But I couldn't just forget a friend like that. I started to haunt the library. I found out Xuasus' country was a dictatorship, at war with Marxist guerillas, with ordinary people caught in the crossfire. I found out the guns came from Europe, and Russia... and here. A few men made big profits, while half a world away, poor people suffered. I read about war and the history of war, and the psychology of war, and the horrors of war. You never knew it but--

That's when I went through those months of nightmares. Remember? Anyway, I soon realized something-- almost all wars were caused by only one man, or one small group of men. And every time the elites ordered 'Fight!' it was the ordinary men who became canon fodder-- and ordinary families followed him into oblivion.

I learned that the state is more important than the individual. I learned that politics is soaked in blood. But I couldn't accept that it had to be that way. Remember how crazy I was about books, Dad? I used to make you take me to the bookstore every Saturday. Flying saucers, cults, conspiracy theory, religion, the occult... I drank it up, tried in vain to make sense of it all. Then I discovered Scudder Klyce's "Universe" and the jigsaw finally fell into place.

Scudder Klyce worked out the secret of humanity. Vox populi, Vox Del. The voice of the people is the voice of God. The elites are parasites, vampires sucking on the life-blood of man, turning everything good and decent into foul corruption! That's when Anarky was born. I couldn't help Xuasus-- but I could give the people of Gotham a voice, no matter how small, against the forces that oppress them.

--If I am dead, please don't think ill of me. I only wanted to bring a little sanity into an insane world for a little while, I was something no one else had ever been... the voice of the people. One day-- and it won't be long-- the tyrants will die away, scorned and mocked by their former victims. One day you'll see that I'm right; maybe then you'll be proud to say "My son did that."

All my love, Anarky (alias Lonnie Machin)

[anotherhumaninthisworld]

Bad things that robespierre did.

(I don't know why i don't feel safe by asking this question--)

Well, if we’re gonna speak in those terms, some things off the top of my head go as follows below. I don’t know if everyone on here would consider all of them fully ”bad” given the circumstances, so maybe a better way to see it is as ”ways Robespierre was involved in the period afterwards dubbed ”the terror” that are not all as known.”

On May 26, Robespierre, after having refused to for several months, openly called for an insurrection against deputies of the National Convention at the Jacobins — ”[…] the people must rebel. This moment has arrived. […] I invite the people to join the National Convention in insurrection against all the corrupt deputies.” Three days later, on May 29, he repeated this wish — ”I say that if the people do not rise in their entirety, liberty is lost.” Two days after that, the Insurrection of May 31 took place, with armed sans-culotte storming the Convention and obtaining the arrest of 29 Girondins. I find it hard to believe Robespierre’s words didn’t play a decesive roll for the insurrection to happen when it did.

Robespierre also had a hand in the creation of Desmoulins’ pampleth Histoire des Brissotins (May 1793), which is another piece essential in the fall of the Girondins. This is proven through the following passage from Lettre de Camille Desmoulins, député de Paris à la Convention, au général Dillon en prison aux Madelonettes (1793): ”The true origin of the rigor of the Committee towards you, would it be in a very long note, which was printed following l’Histoire des Brissotins, which Robespierre made me cut out?”

On October 29 1793, when the trial of the Girondins had been dragging on for five days, Robespierre proposed that ”If it happens that the judgment of a case brought before the revolutionary tribunal has lasted for more than three days, the president will open the next session by asking the juror if their conscience is sufficiently enlightened. If the juror answers yes, judgment will proceed immediately.” The motion was passed and became essential in getting the 22 Girondins condemned to death the following day. How many others fell victim to it afterwards I don’t know.

Robespierre also played an important role in the condemnation of the dantonists, who also got a not so very fair trial before being driven to the scaffold. I’ve already written about the different ways he was involved here.

Robespierre personally wrote to several representatives on mission and encouraged them to be bold when punishing counter revolutionaries in the departments. I don’t think such words coming from someone as influencial should be considered insignificant when measuring the repression that was later carried out there: 

The National Convention, citoyens collegues, witnessed with pleasure your entry into Lyon. But its joy could not be complete when it saw that you at the first movements yielded to a sensibility way too unpolitical. You seemed to abandon themselves to a people who flatter the victors, and the manner in which you speak of such a large number of traitors, of the punishment of a very few and the departure of almost all, have alarmed the patriots who are indignant at seeing so many scoundrels escaping through a gap and going to Lozère and mainly Toulon. We therefore won’t congratulate you on your successes before you have fulfilled all that you owe to your country. Republics are demanding; there is national recognition only for those who fully deserve it. We send you the decree that the Convention issued this morning on the report of the Committee (this decreee, which contains the infamous phrase ”the city of Lyon shall be destroyed” — a slogan which Robespierre himself had come up with). It has proportioned the vigor of its measures to your first reports. It will never remain below what the Republic and freedom expect. Beware above all of the perfidious policy of the Muscadins and the hypocritical Federalists, who raise the standard of the Republic when it is ready to punish them, and who continue to conspire against it when the danger has passed. It was that of the Bordelais, of the Marseillais, of all the counter-revolutionaries of the South. This is the most dangerous stumbling block of our freedom. The first duty of the representatives of the people is to discover it and avoid it. We must unmask the traitors and strike them without pity. These principles alone, adopted by the National Convention, can save the country. These principals are also yours; follow them; listen only to your own energy, and carry out with inexorable severity the salutary decrees which we address to you. CPS decree to the representatives in the newly entered Lyon, written by Robespierre on October 12.

PS — Punish severely and promptly the traitors and royalists, especially the leaders and principal agents of Girondin and counter-revolutionary intrigues. Beware of the marks of patriotism with which they cover themselves, following the example of the traitors of the Convention, who are their models. Only by purging the den of counter-revolution and hypocrisy can you spare the Republic the new disasters with which it is always threatened in the South. Robespierre in a post-scriptum note added to a CPS decree to representatives in Bordeaux written by Billaud-Varennes (in other words something he really wanted to underline for the representatives)

The representatives of the people near the army of Italy and the department of Bouches-du-Rhône are in charge of these measures: they will have the leaders of the royalist and federalist faction severely punished. CPS decree regarding Marseilles written by Robespierre on November 4 1793

These fears for the suffering public good, which made me decide to come here (Lyon) on your (ton) invitation, were not in vain. Letter from Collot d’Herbois to Robespierre dated November 3 1793. A sign Robespierre played a decisive role in sending Collot to punish Lyon.

Like I wrote in this post, Robespierre and his collegues at the CPS and the Convention were aware of the wholesale repression carried out by representatives on mission like Fouché and Carrier without seemingly trying to do anything about it (so I suppose they accepted what they heard). In fact, none of the decrees recalling the representatives hint that the amount of executions carried out under their stay is the reason for it.

If Robespierre’s role in writing the Law of 22 Prairial is more dubious than what a few historians would have us believe (the only person who’s involvement in the development of the law can truly be established is Couthon) he was nevertheless the author behind the decree for the Commission of Orange on May 10 1794 (1, 2), a decree that has been accepted as the precursor of the aforementioned law. Like the law of 22 Prairial, the decree made it the duty for the commission to punish ”the enemies of the people,” which it defined as ”all those who, by any means whatsoever and with any deeds they may have covered themselves, have sought to thwart the march of the revolution and to prevent the strengthening of the Republic.” The punishment for this crime was always death, and the proof necessary for condemnation ”is all information, of whatever nature, which can convince a reasonable man and friend of liberty.” Within 47 days, the commission pronounced 332 death sentences, 116 prison sentences and 147 acquittals.

In April 1794 was introduced a police bureau subortinate to the CPS (Bureau de surveillance administrative et de police générale). It would appear it was meant to be run by mainly Saint-Just, but that Robespierre took it over when he was away from the captal. Due to Saint-Just’s frequent missions, Robespierre ended up being the actual head of the bureau during two of its three months existence (the notes for the bureau are in SJ’s hand from April 23-27, in both SJ and Robespierre’s on the 28th, only Robespierre between April 28-May 31, both on June 1, only Robespierre between June 2-29, both on June 30 and afterwards occasional reports made by either SJ or Couthon). Unfortunately, only one study exists over the bureau, made in 1930 by the historian Arne Ording. It has been digitalized by Internet Archive, but in super poor quality, so you end up having to rely more on what other historians say about it. Which isn’t that easy either because they all seem to lay out different numbers. According to Albert Mathiez (1930), Ording’s study found 464 decrees from the police bureau between April 24 to July 26 (and 1 814 from the Committee of General Security for the same period ) — 58 of which ordered liberations of prisoners and 250 were arrests. Annie Jourdan (2016) too writes that the bureau contained 464, of which 250 were arrests and 295 looked at officials. But she also adds that only a fifth of the judgments were acquittals, and that, instead of April 24, the bureau functioned between May 23 and July 28. According to George Lefebvre (1931), Ording only consulted  121 of the 464 decrees (out of which 55 were either written or co-signed by someone else than Robespierre, Saint-Just and Couthon), making you wonder how the two previous can be sure about what all the decrees contained… The same thing is claimed by J.M Thompson (1935) but he also adds that, ”out of 775 notes by Robespierre, Saint-Just, and Couthon, only 229 should be found ordering arrest, or reference to the Tribunal, or transference to Paris.” In other words, there would exist more notes than actual decrees… The bureau nevertheless makes Robespierre the CPS member to have signed the second biggest amount of decrees ordering arrests and or/transfers before the Revolutionary Tribunal during the period dubbed ”the great terror” (30, after Saint-Just’s 35, and yes, I have actually counted the arrests found in Recueil des actes du comité de salut public to come to this conclusion🤦🏼‍♀️) and this despite the fact that he was absent for about half of it. I also don’t think it’s impossible he was trying to make the Committee of General Security redundant with the help of the bureau, considering he does recommend making said committee subortinate to the CPS in his last speech.

On June 7 1794, a letter signed by Robespierre and Barère ordered Hermann — the chairholder of the Commission of Civil Administration, Tribunals and Prisons and put in first place on a list of patriots with ”more or less talent” written by Robespierre — to investigate if there were plans for a breakout in the Bicêtre prison after having received a warning from one of its inhabitants. Six days later, a CPS decree signed by Robespierre and seven of his collegues ordered 15 inhabitants from said prison to be transferred to the Conciergerie in order for them to come before the Revolutionary Tribunal as soon as possible. It further ordered Hermann to send to the tribunal all other Bicêtre prisoners suspected of being part of the same complot. Ten days after that, on June 23, Hermann sent Robespierre a letter in which he suggested applying this procedure to all the prisons of Paris, in order to ”purge the prisons at a stroke and to clear the soil of freedom from these dregs and rejects of humanity.” Robespierre sent the letter back with both his signature and the word approved written on it, together with the counter signatures of Barère and Billaud-Varennes. Two days later on June 25, the CPS confirmed their decision when writing a decree charging Hermann’s Commission of Civil Administration, Tribunals and Prisons ”to search in the various prisons of Paris for those who have been particularly involved in the various factions, in the various conspiracies that the National Convention has destroyed, and whose chefs it has punished, those who in the prisons were trustees and agents of these conspiratorial factions, and who were to be the actors of the scenes so often projected for the massacre of the patriots and the ruin of freedom to make it her own. The charge, moreover, of taking, in concert with the administration of the police, all means of establishing order in the prisons.” The decree bears Robespierre’s signature, along with those of ten of his collegues. Finally, on July 5, a CPS decree written by Barère and signed by him, Robespierre and seven others ordered the same commission ”to make a daily report on the conduct of the prisoners in the various prisons of Paris, and the Revolutionary Tribunal to judge within 24 hours those who have attempted revolt or excited closure.” This was the solution to the so called ”prison conspiracies,” in which on several days, prisoners were brought before the tribunal in big groups to be met with flimsy evidence against them, and where aquittals mostly numbered between about 0-3. In total, 363 people were executed (37 people on June 16, 36 on June 26 (the Bicêtre prison), 60 on July 7, 48 on July 9, 38 on July 10, 25 on July 22 (the Luxembourg prison), 46 on July 23 (the Carmes prison), 25 on July 24, 25 on July 25 and 23 on July 26 (the Saint-Lazare prison)) — about 27% of the 1366 official victims of ”the great terror.” Not only that, but among those executed can be found three 16-year-olds, the youngest people to ever have been executed by the Paris Revolutionary Tribunal. As can be seen from the decrees, Robespierre is certainly not the only one who bears responsibility for these executions (the direct orders to immediately send prisoners from the Luxembourg (signed Saint-Just on July 5) and Carmes prison (signed Saint-Just, Carnot, Prieur, Billaud-Varennes, Couthon and Collot d’Herbois on July 20) before the tribunal would for example appear to not have been made by him), but given his closeness to Hermann and the fact he, along with Barère, is the only one to have signed all of them, certainly shows he’s not blameless for what went down. According to J.M Thompson, the prison reports also built on facts reported by the above mentioned police bureau, which, according to him, makes Robespierre bear a double responsibility.

On August 15 1792, Robespierre was the first person to suggest creating a Revolutionary Tribunal, a wish that was fulfilled two days later (1, 2).

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi mbti-notes, thank you for replyimg to my previous question. I'm the person who asked you how to stand up for myself in the face of people humiliating me for how I look. After some reflectiom, I have some questions to ask with regards to this topic.

I showed a friend a picture of 12 year old me, when I was bullied. She was surprised and told me I seemed so carefree, cheerful, expressive and an exciting and fun person to have around. Never in a million years me or my 12 year old self would have imagined someone describing me with those terms. Altough I objectively agree with her assessment, as I didn't have any fear to be authentic and express my emotions back then, I was made to feel like the most unwanted piece of worthless dirt by my peer group, and that's what I believed my entire life.

Sometimes I would attract boys romantically, so I think it was because they were able to see what my friend saw recently. But I was still almost universally denigrated, so I am confused. I came to the realization that those kids (and these adults as of recently, but also people in general) wanted to control me through shaming. The question is why? Why do they want to control me? By putting me down and telling me I am not entitled to be respected because of my appearance (that's what a drunkhard middle aged man told me in front of a crowd of strangers) what do these people get out of it?

I realized those kids (some of them who are now adult males still attempted to do it after all these years) wanted to dim my light, but why? Anyway, I realized they succeeded. I became a shell of my former self. I completely lost that authenticity and spontaneity. It still exists within me but I am unable to bring it out anymore. I am very aloof, cold, emotionless, expressionless and rigid on the outside. That's what my friend tells me now. For a long time I've felt like I didn't have the “right to exist” or allowed to have human emotions, which brings me to the second question. How can I be authentic again? I forgot both how to do it and I am afraid of doing it. I realized my problem is cowardice. I know what if I dare to affirm my existence, “express myself” and claim my space in the world I would draw a lot of attention and a lot of enemies who would try to “put me in my place” again.

Truth to be told, deep inside I don't actually hate or dislike myself, I am just obeying the people who tell me I should to in order to keep peace and “belong”. But belong to what exactly? Nothing. This is not peace and this is not belonging, but I guess I instinctively make this reasoning to justify my cowardice. I avoid to do the activities I want in order not to be seen and shamed by people (for example, I think I am highly likely to be humiliated in environments such as nightclubs, so I avoid them, which makes me feel bad in turn because I am repressing myself and letting others dictate my actions and the way I live, and the thing I want the most is freedom to be myself and live however I want without fear of everybody's eyes on me).

I know that if I dare to be confident, self-assured and expect the the best out of things, people are gonna despise me and try their hardest to put me back in my place, so I hate myself to appease them, which makes no sense because I am despised both when I make myself small and make myself unimportant and when I act confident. I'm still paid dust when I put myself down for others' appeasement, yet I still do it. I don't know why. It must be mental laziness. I was raised to be passive and punished for advocating for myself so maybe I'm just sticking to an easy habit. People at large think “ugly people” deserve less, so it enrages them when they see someone breaking the social rules they abide to at their own detriment. That's the conclusion I reached. Am I missing something? How do I move from here? How do I find the courage to claim my place in the word and deal with conflit and opposition?

If this can help with your assessment, I also pondered an early childhood memory. I was in kindergarten and other children where organizing a “theatrical play”. I wanted the main character role. After fighting for it they gave it to me, but I was afraid of everybody looking at me and having their attention so I gave the role up to someome else. So I wanted the “main character” role and the attention but at the same time I was afraid of being the main character and getting the attention I desired. I don't know why exactly. I don't remember being shamed for my appearance back then (I didn't have the traits I would be later shamed on), but I remember feeling unseen and unwanted. Maybe it originated from an early memory in my life. I saw two little boys on a slide and I asked them if I could climb and play with them. They laughed at me and told me no, and I remember feeling rejected and shaken to the core by this.

About my other question, as I said, I used to be able to attract romance as an early teen. But after I “shut down” that hasn't happened ever since. I am no longer that person and right now I feel like I am incapable of attracting love. How can I attract love again in the current way that I am?

And lastly, I've never took care of my appearance (as in, dressing well), I would always wear the same 3 shirts and sweatpants because I thought it was useless for me to care about these things since I would get shamed anyway, but lately I've found that I want to start dressing well, do my hair, wear some accessories and a dress (feminine), so when I wore a good outfit my self-esteem instantly shot up, so I am worried about my self-esteem depending on what I wear. How do I prevent that from happening? Also, how do I know if I'm dressing well “for myself” or for social validation and as a cover up for low self-esteem? Because I don't want it to be for the latter reason, so how does one draw the line between these two aspects when it comes to this topic?

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If you are referencing a previous post, please provide the post number from the url. If I have to dig for it, it takes time away from writing a response.

1) Distorted Cognition: You are wasting a lot of mental energy being preoccupied with how other people react to you. Why? With your past experience, you've convinced yourself that everyone in the world is a (potential) threat, which is simply untrue. No matter where you go in the world, there are kind people and there are mean people, and a very small minority of violent people. Unfortunately, you have been unlucky to encounter a lot of mean people.

However, what you don't realize is that your mind is now primed to pick out and remember mean people the most, which makes you a bit blind to the kind people around you. Living in fear means that you are always on the lookout for threats, and then that's all you ever see. Start looking for something else, such as the kind people, and you may find that your perception of the world shifts. Once you start to notice kind people more, you will be in a better position to surround yourself with them, which would dramatically change your social life. But first you have to recognize that not everyone is out to hurt you.

People who have experienced trauma such as bullying are often prone to emotional reasoning. Emotional reasoning is unhealthy because it distorts your perceptions, beliefs, judgments, and decision making. If this is not something you can stop on your own, then it is a good idea to work with a therapist.

2) Lack of Boundaries: You waste mental energy ruminating on why mean people are mean. By doing this, you are essentially taking on other people's baggage as your own. The way you live should be decided through the power of individual choice, but by fixating on others, you cede this power to them. Is someone forcing you to do this? No. You are volunteering time and effort that could otherwise be spent on living your life authentically.

Why are mean people mean? Frankly, it is irrelevant. You are making their meanness matter (and thus making jerks matter), probably because your thinking is unrealistic due to unhealthy Ni. If you're anything like other immature Fs, you walk around thinking that everyone "should" be nice and affirming. If you didn't have such an underlying belief or desire or fantasy, then you wouldn't react so badly when reality proves you wrong. Rather, you'd simply accept the fact that some people are nice and some people aren't, and then adapt accordingly in the moment.

What you haven't understood is that it doesn't matter how beautiful you are, how awesome your personality is, how much success or glory you achieve in life, there are always going to be people who dislike or even hate you for their own personal reasons. When you learn how to truly respect people's right to have their own thoughts rather than expecting them to have the thoughts you want them to have, then you'll understand that their thoughts don't have to be yours. You'll finally realize that what other people think, say, or do is really none of your business, and then you'll be able to focus on what's most important, which is living your life as well as you can.

Do what is best for your well-being. Wear whatever clothes you want to express who you are. Explore the world and learn more about yourself. If people don't like it, that's their business, but does it have to be your business? Their thoughts don't have to matter at all. It's simply a choice you make about where to focus your attention. The world is constantly bombarding us with all kinds of things, but not all of it requires a reaction or response, does it? Developing mature Ni requires you to learn how to tune out everything that doesn't relate directly to your main purpose.

Review my previous reply. I already brought up boundaries. Until you learn to create a healthy boundary between yourself and others, you will keep getting overrun or violated by others. If drawing healthy boundaries is something you aren't able to learn on your own, then it is a good idea to work with a therapist. You can also take workshops in assertiveness, communication skills, and conflict resolution skills to help improve your social confidence. There are lots of ways to improve your situation, but how are you going to take advantage of those opportunities when all of your attention is misspent on trying to make sense of the jerks in the world?

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think of the songs from RWBY volume 9?

Hi!

Sorry for the long wait and thank you for the patience <3

So, I love volume 9 soundtrack! It is wonderful musically-wise and I am very happy to see that Casey, just like Jeff, uses the songs to explore the characters' arcs. Volume 9 is really the return of character-driven songs and I am grateful for that!

Here is the list of some metas I have already written for some tracks:

Chatterbox (Neo + CC's song)

Worthy (BB's song)

Quiet (Jaune's song)

As for my favourites:

Guide My Way

Chatterbox/Quiet/Checkmate

Worthy

Trapdoor/Inside

The Edge

Guide My Way is one of my favourite RWBY songs ever, so let's analyze it a little!

GUIDE MY WAY

The Red Like Roses trilogy explores Ruby's feelings over Summer, as she sings to her mother. In particular, the red like roses motif shows the layers and the evolution of Ruby's grief.

Initially, we are simply told that:

Red like roses fills my dreams and brings me to the place you rest.

Red roses remind Ruby of Summer Rose, so she goes to visit her grave:

This is the premise of the Red Trailer, but no other indication is given. This fits Red Like Roses being about RWBY as a team, which mirrors Ruby's tendency to carry others' burdens and to repress her own.

However, Red Like Roses Part II reveals Ruby's reaction to Summer's disappearance is raw and complicated:

Both voices: It doesn't matter how The petals scatter now Every nightmare just discloses It's your blood that's red like roses Voice 1: And no matter what I do Nothing ever takes the place of you

It is Summer's blood, that's red like roses. So, Summer becomes linked to violence and death. However, Ruby refuses to face these dark emotions. It is this hidden trauma, which leads to Ruby's spiral and breakdown in volume 9. Here is where Guide My Way starts:

Saw you In a dream Are you who you seem? Was it always in the cards for me To be aimless? No direction, nothing pulling me down From the sky it seems like I always get too High Oh the air is cold, I don't know how to breathe I'm begging, can you Guide my way out Of this place?

Ruby is aimless and there is nothing pulling her down. This choice of words is interesting because they tie into the gravity imagery, which fills the Atlas Arc:

Keep dreaming 'bout a better world You keep wishing for some clarity Always hoping that a lightning bolt Is gonna save you from this gravity

Gravity is linked to limitations. It is something that chains and makes people fall. People like Ironwood, for example, who is crushed by this force together with his kingdom. And yet, Ruby is designed as a person able to defy gravity. As a matter of fact Petal Burst lets her basically move unbounded by the laws of physics:

And yet, this freedom slowly becomes a burden. Ruby is never tied down by bad things. She can inspire everyone. She can guide everyone. She always flies higher than everyone. And yet, this in itself is a problem:

Past Ruby: That’s right! It’s up to you to make things better, isn’t it? Everything all depends on you! Your sister needs you, your friends need you, the whole world needs you to keep fighting, forever and ever, against an invincible monster that took your mother!

Ruby is so above everyone else that she finds herself lonely and lost:

She drinks the tea and ends up in a strange dimension, where she has to choose alone who she is going to be. In this dream world, she meets the person who fills her dreams:

Red like roses fills my dreams

Guide My Way is just a long monologue Ruby tells Summer. Basically a prayer:

Open wide You were born to hypnotize them all They said their prayers (Can you, can you) can you hear me up there?

Through this one-sided confrontation Ruby affirms herself as a person still strongly defined by her mother:

I can't define Would it even be enough to change my mind? Your memory ever-lasting at war with my foolish pride What is left? I know it's you and I, when I look inside

And yet, a different individual, as well:

I'll be who you were and I'll be even more

She is still incomplete:

Otherside, Did you mean to make me half or whole? Will I ever be (complete)? When will I become all of me?

And yet, she realizes Summer may not be complete herself:

What survives After all the dust has gone? Were you there till the end (the end)? Were you at least called a friend?

Ruby doubts her mother for the first time. Was she at least able to be herself until the end? Like Penny, who was at least called a friend? Or did Summer become her own antithesis?

Who is Summer Rose?

A broken pedestal.

And who is Ruby Rose?

A shattered mirror.

Or is she?

A moment of quiet is all it takes To reclaim a life and a promise made

Just like Jaune, Ruby only needs a moment of quiet to realize who she is supposed to become:

I am the reflection of who prevails I'm what inspired the fairytale

Her own reflection prevails on Summer's one. In the beginning, Ruby wants to be like Summer, that she equals to the fairy tale heroes her mom reads her about:

Ruby: I love books. Yang used to read to me every night before bed. Stories of heroes and monsters… They're one of the reasons I want to be a Huntress!

Still, Ruby is the one who will make the fairty tale into reality:

Blake: The real world isn't the same as a fairy tale. Ruby: Well, that's why we're here! To make it better.

As a result, she doesn't need fairy tale heroes anymore. Rather, she is going to inspire fairy-tales. Actually, she has already inspired one:

She inspires Little to grow into Somewhat. She helps a literally fairy-tale character. She is the childhood hero (Huntress) to Little. Just like Summer is Ruby's childhood hero:

Somewhat: You do feel… familiar. Like a happy dream I can’t remember.

Ruby is a happy dream Somewhat can't remember. Summer is a happy dream Ruby can't remember. This is why in Red Like Roses Part III there is simply:

Red like roses fills my dream

Red like roses here is not linked to death (it doesn't bring Ruby to the place Summer rests) or violence (it isn't Summer's blood that's red like roses). It is simply Summer's color, which fills Ruby's happy dreams. Even if she can barely remember Summer, she still loves her. Not as a hero, but as a mother:

Summer: I love you… just the way you are. Always…

At the same time, Ruby herself becomes someone else's dream. Specifically, she becomes the dream of her inner child (Little). She doesn't need to idealize Summer anymore because she is growing to be her own hero. She is going to take care of her inner child in Summer's place. This is what it means to become an adult.

This is what the refrain of the song hints at. It starts with Ruby begging Summer, but then it slowly changes through the song, until it reaches its powerful ending:

I'm begging, can you Guide my way out Of this place?

Guide my way out Of this place

Guide my way out Of this place (I can guide me, I can guide my way out) Guide my way out Of this place

Ruby herself can guide her way out.

OTHER SONGS

Here comes some quick miscellania thoughts on other tracks.

Chatterbox: I love how it plays when the Jabberwalker appears and it is impossible to understand who is singing. It is a beautiful nod to Carol's original non-sense poem and it ties with the CC and especially Neo's arc

Quiet: The sound of clocks, the reference to Pyrrha and the mention of a miracle as a nod to Jaune's allusion make it a fave. I also love it plays in one of my favourite scenes of the seasons.

Worthy: I like it musically and I love how it describes Blake and Yang's relationship through the metaphor of falling, which calls back to the episode Worthy itself.

Checkmate: It is one of my favourite musically, but I don't have much to say about its lyrics. I think it beautifully introduces the viewers to the season and it calls back to player and pieces in many ways. It also references the chess motif throughout the series.

Inside: I love how its lyrics reference the Blacksmith's speech about living with Balance and beautifully illustrate the theme of the season.

Trapdoor: I like it musically, but I have not much to say about its lyrics. I think it is kind of self-explanatory as a song.

The Edge: My least favourite track. It is good enough, but not my piece of cake.

Thank you for the ask and have a nice day!

[gffa]

Sorry in advance if this is an incoherent ramble, but I have Thoughts about the Jedi and emotional regulation I want to share with you, if it's okay.

So I have ADHD and pretty strong emotional disregulation that I really, really struggle with. In my late teens/early twenties I was convinced that my emotions, all of them, were inherently destructive and harmful to others because of how intense they are.

My favorite Star Wars character is Anakin and I think you can guess why 😅. I don't really like admitting it but I understand him and relate to him sooo much.

Okay here's the relevant part: I love the Jedi Order's teachings about mindfulness and emotional control. So often I do feel ruled by my emotions! I can so easily see how embracing that leads to the dark side, and I know that staying in the light really is a constant battle against one's own darkness because I've done that! Without the psychic/telekinetic powers, obviously, but honestly it's a good thing I can't accidentally fling objects around the room if I get upset. I've often wished the Jedi Order was real and I could be part of it just so I could learn to better control my emotions.

It's why I just don't get the argument that Jedi "repress" their emotions. Where does that even come from? They have such sensible responses to such stressful situations. And unbridled unregulated emotion is NOT a good thing, as I know far too well. The Sith don't practice "emotional freedom" or whatever those people call it. With my disregulation problems I'm not "free," I'm even more shackled by it. I hate it and I want to control it- which is what the Jedi practice.

Anyway, just wanted to share my point of view on that whole debate. I also just want to say thanks for running this blog! I adore your meta posts and I love your unending Jedi positivity. You're definitely my favorite Star Wars blog. You're so good at articulating analyses that I can see for myself in the text but am terrible at putting into words lol. I'm sorry that your popularity attracts so many people who want to argue with you or be nasty. I hope you know how happy you make us fellow Jedi-supporters. 😊

Hi!  This ask was from before today’s discussion on the Force and emotions (here and here), so it’s good timing to come across it in my drafts again! You and I are in a similar boat--I relate to Anakin the most, too.  And I had a lot of years in my life without a solid grasp on my emotions, where my anger was entirely justifiable, but it was absolute misery and cost me a lot of time and relationships with people.  In the moment, it felt good to lash out with that anger, but I was consumed by it, that’s all I was so much of the time, and it really, really was not good to let my emotions run rampant that way.  So, I understand and I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that and I’m glad you seem like you’re in a better place now. While the Jedi may not be real, thankfully a lot of the same ideas totally are, like Buddhism is real, different kinds of therapy techniques are real, we absolutely can learn to regulate our emotions, even if it’s really hard.  You could probably even do a Google search for “how to learn to regulate my emotions” and find some good starting places! I can’t speak for any part of fandom, especially one I’m not part of, but I suspect that a lot of the “Jedi repress emotions” thing comes from a conflict of how mainstream media almost always supports the idea that emotions fuel powers, that if you tap into your anger or any other intense emotion, you’ll get a major power-up and you can save the day with it.  Think of almost any major display of power in a superhero movie and it’s usually because the character just had an explosion of emotion, right?  Because their control on their temper finally snapped or because they suddenly became tunnel-visioned about who they needed to save.  It’s everywhere. Star Wars, in contrast, says:

But we’re primed to think emotional regulation is suppression.  We’re primed to think that it’s not being true to ourselves, that we’re chaining a part of ourselves up.  We’re primed to think that any kind of sacrifice or concession to the greater society is suppression of the self. So, along come the Jedi who say, “Actually, emotional regulation is good.  Sometimes you do have to sacrifice things to make the world better, but the selfness love for other people is worth it.” we’re primed to think they’re suppressing themselves and living half-lived lives. But that’s not true for the worldbuilding in Star Wars.  Individualism is not king in Star Wars.  Selflness and care for others and the willingness to understand that life is impermanent and we have to let go of things are the core themes. And you’re absolutely right--one of Lucas’ themes in Star Wars is, "Most of my movies are about the fact that you're in that little place, it's the little prison in your brain—the door's open but you can't leave. But all you have to do is walk out and say, 'Hey! I'm gonna do this.'” (Sundance Q&A, 2015) and  “All of my movies are about one thing.  Which is the fact that the only prison you’re in is the prison of your mind.  And if you decide to open the door and get out, you can.  There’s nothing stopping you.“ (American Voices, 2015) The dark side is a prison in your mind, one you’re trapping yourself into.  You’re not free, your emotions are ruling you.  They control you because you can’t stop yourself from screaming or lashing out or destroying things in your rage, you can’t stop from saying hurtful things to the people you care about.  That’s not freedom, that’s being dragged along in the wake of your own unchecked feelings.  It’s a dark pit that you have to decide to climb out of. And the Jedi echo that theme:     "You said we would be trapped."     "Not by the cave you were but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did.  Hope, patience. Trust, confidence, and selflessness." --Yoda, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, “The Gathering”

[littjara-mirrorlake]

Hey could I ask you to talk about Ixhel for a moment? I’m doing research for the next chapter of Steel and Oil by going back over the original story and looking at other people’s interpretations of her and figures you would be a good place to start, as tumblr’s resident Phyrexiaposter.

Oh absolutely! I'm honored :3

To see firsthand how I write her, I have two Ixhel fanfics at the moment:

Deeper Than Faith, Higher Than Hope is about Ixhel's compleation day, her glimpse of a less-than-perfect Phyrexia, and the shame that follows. It shows a lot of the self-gaslighting and subtle reinforcements of hierarchy that Orthodoxy life runs on, as well as Ixhel's need for her family to be proud of her. Deep down, she never stopped being a newt who yearned to see her mother smile.

These Ichorous Bonds is from Vishgraz's perspective, but sheds some light on Ixhel's sources of joy and how she loves. There's also discussion from Vishgraz's much more black-aligned viewpoint about what he thinks would help Ixhel (prioritizing herself, primarily).

I care deeply about Ixhel as a character and I'm really invested in portraying her in a way that does her justice (Aysha U. Farah knocked it out of the park, god damn). Some key points:

She is a child made to grow up too fast. Physically she is a compleated adult Phyrexian, but her narration consistently points to naivety. For example, she doesn't fully understand how humanoids work (calling Belaxis's tears "clear oil") and finds it genuinely difficult to conceptualize meaning outside of Phyrexia. The Orthodoxy tightly curates the information allotted to its members and it shows. Human-equivalent-age wise, I've put her at about freshly 18, but that doesn't correspond one to one.

She will never express this naivety or uncertainty openly if she can help it. She's been taught to cover up her uncertainty with Orthodoxy platitudes and the praise she receives for being a good little cog in Phyrexia's machine.

When we first meet her, she is desperate for praise and affirmation, which Norn and Atraxa drip-feed her in order to keep her on the hook. She commits incredible violence in their names in order to earn that praise and feel useful, which she, as a white Phyrexian, has been taught is the most important thing in life.

Her mother Atraxa now reinforces Ixhel's position as a tool, giving her orders and demanding to be called "Commander". She is deprived of parental love, but consistently craves it, while feeling like direct loving expression would be sinful and shameful.

She has a lot of internalized shame, but hasn't fully repressed her emotions. She will feel hurt or yearning or joy in a "forbidden" circumstance and then immediately chastise herself for it, possibly followed by some expression of pro-Phyrexia violence in order to convince herself she's still being a good obedient Phyrexian.

The feelings of freedom Ixhel gets when she is alone, being creative, are thrilling and shameful to her. She knows they are forbidden. She tried to justify Vishgraz's creation as a way to impress her mother, but I think deep down, it was for herself. She wanted to feel that accomplishment.

She feels a lot, but needless to say she has been starved of healthy expression mechanisms. The only form of expression "allowed" for her as her mother's tool is directed violence. (Even in trying to save and keep Belaxis, whom she knows she likes, she only thinks of killing him first.) After Vishgraz, she starts to realize that creativity is another outlet.

The most important aspect of Ixhel's character development and eventual rebellion, imo, is her growing black mana alignment and focus on herself. She needs to learn that she does not exist solely for others, despite what she's been taught; sometimes being a little selfish is a good thing. This is what Vishgraz wants to teach Ixhel in These Ichorous Bonds.

I hope this is a good overview! If you have any more questions, do reply or DM me. I love talking about my girl Ixhel <3

[son1c]

Hi! Hope you're doing okay. I love your Sol Sonic AU! Question:

1. How similar and different is Sol Sonic compared to Canon Sonic and Canon Blaze? Like, in habits, attitude, etc. Obviously he has his need for freedom, but how does he present himself to others? Does his royal upbringing have an impact on his conduct?

2. His fighting style. You made his outfit pants similar to the firefighters in the anime Fire Force. How does he fight, in a a way that differs from his Canon counterpart and Canon Blaze? Does he breakables a lot? Does he ever learned swordsmanship, because imagine Sonic wielding a sword made of fire.

3. Character conclusion. Sonic's need for freedom vs his duty to his kingdom. Does he pass the ruling to someone else at the end, or does he forsake his desire for freedom completely after his mission? Or does he find a compromise between the two?

4. You said that Sonic's sens of duty towards his kingdom is stronger than his desire to be free. What got him to finally act on that desire? What villain, or threat, motivated him enough to strike out without contacting anyone else for help to deal with the threat in his stead?

These are all I have for now. Take your time in answering them. Love your artstyle and your Sonic Prime AU of Shadows. Drink and eat regularly!

strap in. this response got REALLY long

1

sol sonic isn't a fusion between sonic and blaze's personalities! his personality is the same as it's always been, it's just now, he's been forced into a situation that's not suited for him. his royal status challenges his free spirit and makes it difficult for him to truly live the way he wants to. it's hard on him-- he represses a lot, and finds himself oftentimes feeling dissatisfied with his life.

as for how he presents himself to others… sonic, canonically, creates a mask for himself, a very specific image that he wants other people to see. it's the same with sol sonic. except now, there's an extra layer of "everyone is counting on me AND it's my job". so the pressure is up even more. he can't show his sadness or dissatisfaction, he can't let people know when he's frustrated, because he has to keep a level head and make the best decisions he can for everyone.

most people view him as incredibly intimidating, but that's just because he's got an iron grip on his emotions. he can't cry. not because of sega… but because he needs to be the person people can rely on to keep everything together, even when anyone else would be falling apart.

he doesn't have much fondness for other royals. he's friendly enough, and plenty cordial, but the only one he has any real connection with is the neighboring kingdom's princess, elise. they bond over being put in a position they didn't ask for. and he finds some comfort in knowing he's not alone in feeling the weight of a kingdom on his shoulders (although, he doesn't tell her that obviously).

as for his "royal upbringing"… i think he thinks it's silly. he's not one to "follow expectations" if he finds them boring and pedantic. he's very casual when it comes to the way he interacts with all that high society shit. but he knows-- it's just another part of the mask. and he should at least try to keep up appearances. so he'll entertain it. but he never takes it very seriously.

2

his fighting style isn't much like blaze's… that type of flashy wizard type shit. it's not really his style. i'd imagine he uses his fire powers in a much more melee type style. fire kicks/punches etc. i also think it'd be fun if he kind of like, incorporated break dancing into his fighting style? like his moves are very reminiscent of a street dancer-- cuz that's his REAL personality. the freedom he feels when he can let loose with his flames reflected perfectly in the style…

also, i'm gonna say hard yes on him using a fire sword. that's literally the coolest concept ever and i was already thinking about drawing something like that at some point so yeah. it goes hand in hand with his more hands on combat style too, since the "sword" is really just an extension of himself (as opposed to something that can be sent flying like a fireball).

3

"does he pass the ruling to someone else at the end"… sonic would never shirk responsibility to someone else just because he didn't want to do it. he doesn't want to-- but he will. "it's not about chivalry for me, i just gotta do what i've gotta do." he takes care of people, he protects them-- how could he simply stop doing that? just because it's difficult for him? absolutely not.

but he doesn't forsake his desire for freedom either. after his quest to save the world, he realizes he can kinda have a hannah montana moment. the best of both worlds. he can go out and interact with the world WITHOUT abandoning anyone. in fact, he can find new ways to help people through venturing out. he's still tethered to his duty, but he can stretch his legs. if only just a little bit.

4

so... the question has to do with the overall plot of this au. so i'll explain that now: basically, what if iblis is sealed in the sol dimension but like, not perfectly? there's cracks. fire comes through... and iblis minions rise up, tormenting civilians and endangering property and etc. so sonic takes it upon himself to manage that, even though he's not supposed to leave the castle. then one day, the sol emeralds mysteriously go missing, and silver appears. not a good sign. sonic takes the opportunity to get the hell out, reasoning that it won't take /too/ long to save the world.

canonically, blaze sealed iblis away and saved the future. but what if the god was able to escape death? what if it fled to an alternate timeline... where things are just a little bit different?

so, the person who stole the sol emeralds was actually mephiles. not au mephiles. THE mephiles. from canon. and he's got a horrible grudge against sonic... mephiles' plan is to lure sonic away from the castle so he can trick the prince into unsealing iblis. by a twist of fate, this time it's sonic, who, with the power of the sol emeralds, is the only person capable of such a feat.

[sasukesun]

hey bella when naruto was talking to his mom he said he didn't blame his dad or her for getting kurama yet when naruto met minato for the first time he punched him and was angry so did he lie to his mom or did he just repress as usual and make it out to not be that big a deal or what

ohhh i totally think it’s part of the repression! not only that, but i think he wants to ease his mom’s guilt, take that burden out of her.

when kushina talks to naruto about what happened in his birth day, she starts her goodbye by apologising. it’s actually so interesting that kushina did that without naruto having to punch her or anything because she really didn’t want that for her son! she knows how hard it is to be a jinchuuriki and she didn’t want her own son to go through that as well. you see, minato also apologises, but only after naruto punches and questions him.

i don’t think naruto consciously knew he was easing his mother’s burden, that is just a very naruto thing to do, but he doesn’t do the same with his father when he apologises. on some level, naruto knew his mother didn’t want that for him, differently than minato, who says he sealed kurama inside his son because he knew naruto would be able to use it :)

of course it also has to do with repression, the same way naruto easily accepts his father’s apology and excuse. he’s craved connections for his entire life, growing up without his parents especially is crucial to what he turned to be, so of course he’s going to take whatever his parents give to him. honestly, dark naruto being repressed happens because of this same idea… because people believe in him :) it’s okay that people treated me like shit because they believe in me now :) dad, it’s okay that you sealed this demon inside me and made me live a miserable childhood because you believed in me :) hinata, it’s okay of your slave to die as a cupid for us because my life isn’t my own anymore, since there are so many people that believe in me :) notice how naruto’s unsatisfactory character arc is always rooted in these simplistic plot conclusions because you can’t let your mc look bitter to the general public, so you end up with insane levels of repression, that is explained, but not satisfying at all when repression is all you get. actually, don’t you find it interesting how all of those repression moments happen from the pein arc… coincidentally the same time that kishimoto said they decided to go with boruto? when i say boruto is the biggest responsible for what’s wrong with the naruto ending, i mean it. yeah, there is the fact that kishi’s ideas were unshonen (and that also messes with the general public’s opinion), there is the fact that he worked for a magazine and didn’t have full creative freedom, but i honestly think it wouldn’t be as bad if it wasn’t for boruto.

[pretensesoup]

Queer books, day 12/30

I've been trying to mentally reconstruct my history with this play. Back in 2001 or 2002, Jesse (my Ask a Medievalist co-host) told me I should read it. Why? I don't remember. But I did everything Jesse told me to do back in those days, so I dutifully went out to a bookstore (it might actually have been Canterbury Books, which still existed back in those days, but it might also have been Paul's?). I was only able to find one part, so I bought it and read it and decided it was brilliant. Then in 2003, the TV version was announced (that's why there is a photo of Emma Thompson on the cover of this version) and I was able to buy them both combined.

Back in let's call it 2002, I was 19, knew some LGBT people and thought they were fine and cool, but that was about where my thinking began and ended. This play...I mean, as a work of art, it blows my mind to this day. As a record of a particular historical time period, it's amazing. It's magical realism, it's Jewish in a way that I understand Judaism (not just in opposition to other people's religions, but in contrast to more orthodox elements within Judaism), it's gay, it's about death, it's about life... I don't know, it's brilliant. And of course, a few years later I got to see Mr. Kushner interviewed on stage and enjoy this conversation between the hapless student who had been selected to interview him and the man himself:

Student: So Belize has this speech where he says... "Big ideas are all you love. "America" is what Louis loves. Well I hate America, Louis. I hate this country. It's just big ideas, and stories, and people dying, and people like you. The white cracker who wrote the National Anthem knew what he was doing. He set the word "free" to a note so high nobody can reach it. That was deliberate. Nothing on earth sounds less like freedom to me." So why do you hate America?

Tony Kushner: (with the patience of a goddamn saint) I think everyone who has taken an entry-level English class can identify that the characters are not the author.

SO.

The play centers on Prior, who is dying of AIDS and his ex-boyfriend Louis, who is having a really hard time with Prior dying. Prior is not exactly thrilled about it either. Then there's Roy Cohn (the evil, evil lawyer who was a historical figure and also died of AIDS) and his clerk, Joe, a repressed gay Mormon. And then Joe's drugged-out wife Harper, his mother Hannah, and an angel.

Look, I don't know how to describe the plot very well. Prior is ill, and Louis abandons him, and then sleeps with Joe. Roy Cohn is in the AZT clinical trial (the first generation of HIV/AIDS drugs) and is trying to blackmail someone (unnamed) into making sure he doesn't get the placebo. Harper suspects something is up with her marriage. Prior is visited by the angel, called a prophet, and asked to help fix things in heaven. Then Hannah, Joe's mother shows up and meets Prior.

The thing about this play is that all of the characters are really, really human. Louis does something terrible in running out on Prior, and he KNOWS it's terrible, and he can't not do it. And at the end, Prior forgives him. Joe walks out on Harper, who is sick and needs him, and in the end she realizes that maybe she needs him less than she thought, and she lets him go. And everyone does terrible things, really, and they feel bad and they get forgiven. Excluding Roy Cohn, who is evil. But in the end, the ghost of Ethel Rosenberg says kaddish for him. So maybe the message is that you, too, can be forgiven. A little bit, anyway.

One time I went running in Central Park and I went to the Bethesda fountain, which is referenced in here, and it was awesome.

Key quote:

I've lived through such terrible times and there are people who live through much worse. But you see them living anyway. When they're more spirit than body, more sores than skin, when they're burned and in agony, when flies lay eggs in the corners of the eyes of their children - they live. Death usually has to take life away. I don't know if that's just the animal. I don't know if it's not braver to die, but I recognize the habit; the addiction to being alive. So we live past hope. If I can find hope anywhere, that's it, that's the best I can do. It's so much not enough. It's so inadequate. But still bless me anyway. I want more life.

Now I haven't even gotten to how much I learned from this about how characters have give and take in dialog, and this and that, but I've written a very long post already, so I'll stop here. 50/10, go read it.