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yeehawbvby · 10 months ago

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Falling Away With You | Ch. 48

Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: Y/n goes a little apeshit at JojaMart lmao

Author’s Note: *Crawls out of a pit covered in dirt and blood. Slaps this chapter down in front of you, on a SUNDAY no less!*

My health situation hasn’t improved whatsoever, but I will prevail, damnit!!

I wrote most of this and posted to ao3 early this morning, and haven't had a chance to proofread really. I'll do my best to get that done soon ^.^ Sorry if there are any weird wordings. Also sorry for the complete lack of Seb and Magnus in this one, I hope the shenanigans make up for it <3

Table of Contents + Work Summary

Check it out on ao3!

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I hate that stupid, cryptic, blue note I got.

Ever since it came, I think about it every time I check the mailbox, without fail. I don’t want to, I kinda just want to forget it exists, but I just… I dunno. I have a bad feeling about it. A gut feeling. Like, something’s totally up with it. It’s just been sitting in my closet for safekeeping until I decide what to do, though.

For some reason, I’ve been too nervous to bring it back up to Magnus. He’s forgotten it exists, from what I can tell. I think I’ll do my best to keep it that way for now. It feels more like my burden to bear than his, and besides, he’s already got the whole region to take care of.

After today’s confirmation that I don’t have bills or anything important like that, I head inside to get ready to leave the farm. Reeeally hoping my routine will shake out my heebiejeebies.

I got the OK from Magnus to use his fancy shrine for Spirit’s Eve. Got an idea of what I think I want to make myself look like, too. Maybe a tiefling or something. If tieflings don’t really exist, I’m sure some sort of succubi, or imps, or some sort of creature that looks like one’s gotta, no? I suppose I could always fall back on just pretending I’m an elf… man, a tail and horns would be so fun though.

Either way, tomorrow is the big day and I am so ready for it.

I mean, like, almost ready. Whatever.

Today I’m going to Magnus’ place to get some practice in. Just a precautionary measure to try not to, like, blow myself up or something.

I’m gonna keep my outfit cozy and easy to move around in, but I have half a mind to make sure I wouldn’t mind losing these clothes in particular if something goes wrong with the transformation. Just some leggings, some crew-cut socks, an old hoodie, and my favorite boots, since I won’t have my shoes on in the shrine anyway. All of it is in black. Sebastian cosplay.

I’ll pop my red studs in too, gotta commit to the bit. I haven’t had time to talk to The Emo and see if he actually did get his shit pierced last night, but assuming he did, and assuming he was able to use these for it, I wanna go all out, baby.

Now, before I head to the tower, I’ve got some errands to run around town. I woke up a bit late so there’s gonna be more people out than I’m looking forward to, but hopefully I have no creepy Alex encounters or awkward conversations with Shane again.

I promised Sam I’d visit him at work sometime soon, so I might as well head there first. He hates it there, and it’s been a while since we’ve caught up, so I’ll hopefully be a welcome distraction. I’ll bring him a coffee too to keep his spirits high.

After it’s done brewing, I grab two foam cups and pour the coffee in. Knowing Sam, he probably needs this stuff sweet, and I’m in the mood for sweet too, so I pour in a bunch of vanilla-flavored creamer. To make the beverages ~gourmet,~ I add a little whipped cream to each, as well as a light drizzle of chocolate syrup. After securing the plastic lids and giving Cannoli some well-deserved love, I head out.

While I pass by the bus stop, I make eye contact with Pam. I’ve never spoken to her, but… I dunno. I can’t tell if I like her or not. She gives me a nasty stink eye and I can only further assume she’s as mean as she outwardly appears. Unless she was just cursed with an intense resting bitch face...

I smile Pam’s way anyway. She doesn’t smile back, but that’s okay. It doesn’t benefit anyone to be so judgemental of her.

I pass a few local moms once I make it to the town square. None really mind me, which could mean they either didn’t notice, or they don’t care. Either is fine by me. I don’t hear what they’re saying, but Caroline talks very animatedly just before the rest of the group bursts into laughter.

I turn my attention back ahead as I pass by Pierre’s and nearly bump into Marnie as she’s leaving the shop.

We both squeak out a little “Oh!” before apologizing in unison.

“I wasn’t really paying attention,” I double down.

“Oh, that’s fine. I rarely ever am!” She then motions to the two cups in my hands and adds, laughing, “At least the coffee’s safe!”

I awkwardly nod in agreement. Then, a brief flash of myself actually spilling coffee somewhere down the road raids my mind, my necklace tingling against my skin and my fingers practically buzzing.

Great.

“Everything alright, sweetie?”

That probably looked weird. “Yeah, sorry,” I try to recover, “just sleepy today!”

I take a sip of coffee to emphasize my point. Plus, I might as well drink what I can before these puppies go down. Hopefully I’ll be able to save at least one of them when the time comes.

“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that!” She puts a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I need to get back to the shop, but take it easy and don’t overwork yourself, you hear?”

I nod, thanking her and waving her off with a shy grin before I continue moving. Once I get closer to the spot I’m supposed to be spilling these drinks — just before that little bridge over the river by JojaMart — I begin to walk more cautiously. If I can just keep these steady and focus on the ground…

A sneeze creeps up on me. Oh god. Oh god oh fuck oh no.

Just as I’m beginning to carefully place one of the cups on the side of the bridge for safe keeping, the sneeze forces its way out of me. Luckily, one beverage — the one I hadn’t drank from yet — stays safely in my hand. Unluckily, the one I was working on trying to keep safe fell to the stones at my feet, opening up and dispersing its contents fucking everywhere.

God damnit.

“Nice one.”

God fucking damnit.

I look up to the voice. It turns out Shane’s outside having a smoke. He’s at the opposite end of the bridge watching my clumsiness unfold with an aloof look about him. He’s bent over to lean on the stone wall, his right elbow propped up and his corresponding cheek in his palm. His left forearm is flat against the structure while his left hand lazily dangles his cigarette between two fingers.

Is that pink nail polish on one of them? I wonder if that’s Jas’ doing.

I merely groan back my response, picking up the now-empty cup to discard in the trash bin near the store. As I proceed on my walk of shame past Shane, I point out, “At least my clothes stayed safe.”

Shane follows and asks, “How many ants do you think you murdered with that accident?”

I grin a little at his dry humor. “Oh it was a massacre,” I bounce back. “The war in Gotoro pales in comparison.”

“Ha!” Oh my god, I made Shane — the grumpiest fuck I’ve ever met — laugh?! “Right on. Seems like pointless violence anyway.”

I turn to see if I can catch him smiling for the first time, like, ever. It’s not there anymore, but there’s a residual brightness in his features.

Shane snuffs out his cig on the ashtray built into the garbage’s lid, abandoning it there before shoving his hands in the pockets of his bright blue shorts.

“Those sons’a bitches,” he nods in the direction of my carnage, “they had it coming.”

My nose scrunches as I laugh a little, giving him a funny look. “Damn, what’d they do to you?”

There’s a playful glint in his eye, as he deadpans me. “Exist.”

I shrug and nod — I get it, they can be pretty annoying! — and follow the man as he makes his way through the white-rimmed, glass-centered automatic doors. I try not to cringe outwardly at how many self-righteous pro-Joja fliers are on them.

Shane stops a few steps into the store. Turns around. I stop too and look up, tilting my head. What’re you looking at, punk? I think to myself. Dunno if I’d be pushing my limits by trying to say it out loud. Better not.

Shane gives me a weird look too, but I can barely see it. My senses are taking their damn time getting used to the obnoxiously fluorescent lighting.

“Don’t you shop at Pierre’s?” Shane wonders out loud.

I blink a few times as I adjust to the environment and then nod. “Visiting Sam,” I explain.

“Ah.” He nods too, in understanding, and then looking the other way he continues, “Enjoy.”

Shane makes his way towards a door to the right of the manager’s office. Says “Employee’s only,” so I’m assuming it’s a break room or something. I don’t miss the incorrect apostrophe, but choose not to linger on it either.

“You too.” He looks back over his shoulder, so I pair my well wishes with a lazy salute.

“Buh.”

…Buh?

I smile. I think he’s warming up to me!

Feeling a tad lost now that I’m alone, I look around before making any advances. Should’ve asked Shane if he knew where Sam would be around now. I dunno how the shifts work around here.

The cashiers to my left — a visibly exhausted red headed woman, probably in her late 30s or early 40s; and a scrawny, scruffy looking teenager, with thick-framed glasses sitting atop his freckled nose — both look miserable.

The boy is boredly leaning against the counter, zoned out on the ground in front of it. The woman looks totally spaced out on nothing in particular. It almost seems like she’s fighting off sleep, too. Poor lady.

The woman and I lock onto each other. She looks away from my face before I can even register it, but I notice her eyes flicker longingly to the coffee cup in my hand a few times after the fact. I peer between her and the beverage twice before I all but scurry away into the aisles. I’m too awkward for this. My only option is to retreat. Never said I wasn’t a coward.

While I venture past the boatloads of boxed, bagged and canned foods in search of the resident dog boy, I observe some of the products. Some don’t look safe for consumption, while others seem like they’d be fun to try as a one-off sort of deal. It overlaps a few times as well. I mean, why wouldn’t I want to try this cereal which very explicitly states on the box that it’s more sugar than grains? It makes me stifle a giggle. I like the brutal honesty.

I stop and stare at it for a sec. Gnawing my lip. Wondering if I should just…

No. I shan’t.

I break away from temptation and trek on. As I reach the end of the aisle, I pan across the back of the store. More shelf-stable products, a small produce section… ah!

Sam looks like he’s supposed to be mopping the floor near the freezers. To be fair, he is holding a mop, and it is touching the floor! But instead of cleaning, he uses the tool as a microphone; singing against the end of the brown wooden handle, both hands passionately gripping it as he bends his torso to quietly belt one part in particular. Sam’s eyes are shut, his bulky black headphones are secured over his ears, and he has not a single worry in the world.

Holding his coffee in both hands now, I stop walking and lean against a nearby shelf. Observing. Waiting. Eventually he’ll have to see me.

He does a little spin move and carelessly bumps into the bucket of soapy water he’s working with, causing it to slosh around a little. Some of it lands on the floor, and some on the pants of Sam’s jumpsuit. Doesn’t faze him in the slightest.

He does another spin the opposite way and nearly knocks over the conveniently placed display of sprinkles that are situated right in front of the ice cream freezer.

I feel like I should probably stop him before something bad happens, but he looks so damn content and so stinkin’ cute that I can’t be assed.

Just as I’m thinking this, he opens his eyes, completely avoiding my direction while he immediately peers over his shoulder. Sam scans around, getting a full view of the proximate areas. It seems like he’s just making sure he’s not about to get caught by his boss or something, if I had to guess.

Eventually he lands on me. We both smile wide, and I triumphantly hold up his (unspilled!!) coffee in one hand, presenting it with a small flourish of the other and a bow of my head.

“For you, my good sir.” I make sure to sound extra fancy, dropping my voice an octave and annunciating my words a bit too much.

He looks around again before meeting me in the middle with a fist bump, completely ignoring my bit. Aw man.

“Hell yeah, thanks dude!”

I shoot some awkward finger guns at him, “You got it, bud.”

“You didn’t make yourself one?”

I sigh, lamenting, “I did…”

Sam scans my face as we share a short silence. Then, the lightbulb almost visibly goes off in his noggin. “You spilled it, didn’t you?”

Pursing my lips, I nod. “I spilled it, yeah.”

“Buuummer, dude.” He pats my head and I sigh, leaning into his touch. I’ll be damned if I don’t still love head-pats, even if it’s been a while since I’ve gotten one. “Wanna split this one then?” he offers, palm still on my crown. At this point he’s just trying to messy me up.

“No thanks, I’ll just grab another later if I’m really craving it.” Not having noticed the trance I’ve been in as my hair gets slowly and steadily ruined — it feels nice, okay? — I finally look up at him, cheekily glaring as I manually remove his large hand from me. I add on as I try to repair the frizzy aftermath, “Sick performance, by the way!”

“You think so?” he beams. Makes me laugh.

“Of course! It looked like you were having a lot of fun.”

Sam’s face is a bit flushed as he takes the compliment, not even trying to hide it; he has a big goofy grin on his face, too.

It drops and Sam looks behind him as a deep voice with a bit of a southern twang booms from one of the aisles nearby. “Samson?”

“Shit, here.”

Sam hurriedly places his coffee into my hand and rushes back near his water bucket, looking around for his manager as he moves. I try to make things less suspicious by pretending to look at some nearby end caps.

I take a peek over when I hear Sam greet the man, “Hiya! What’s up, Morris?”

Crossing his arms and puffing out his chest to try and make himself look mighty, a man in a navy blue suit, a bright red bow tie, and a poorly-applied black toupee corrects him. “That’s Mr. Saxton, son.”

I roll my eyes. Awesome to know the guy running this Joja is just as insufferable as the dudes who work on the corporate side.

Sam puts an anxious hand on the back of his neck, and halfheartedly smiles as he apologizes, his speaking patterns much more formal than before. Poor guy… it hurts to see him having to tone it down so much for this dipshit.

I turn my attention back in front of me so as to give him some privacy. Not sure he’d want me to hear him getting his ear talked off.

This display is full of holiday cards... I might as well waste some time with these bad boys. I pick up one with a cartoon beagle wearing a birthday hat on it, stealing a sip of Sam’s coffee as I read the pun on the front: “Have a doggone good birthday!” Alright, nice and cheesy start…

I flip the card open. It starts blaring Baha Men’s “Who Let The Dogs Out.” Fucking hell. Jumpscare me, why doncha! I shudder at how tinny the music sounds — likely made worse by its volume — then close the card and place it back in its spot, not bothering to read more.

“Excuse me, miss?”

I peer over my left shoulder, and see that Mr. Saxton is making his way towards me. A vein is popping in his forehead, but he has a toothy smile on his face that screams customer service. Not sure what’s going on and feeling a little anxious about the situation, I don’t answer with words — I just turn my body to him and watch him expectantly.

My eyes flicker to Sam real quick, who’s closer to the opposite end of the freezers now. He’s looking over here though, and when his eyes catch mine, he mouths “Go!” and motions his arm towards the front end of the store. Maybe he got caught socializing or something… wouldn’t doubt that there’s probably heavy surveillance in here. Man.

I look back at Sam’s boss as he says, “I’m going to need you to discard your beverage.”

My brows furrow and I tilt my head. “Why?”

Ah, he’s the asking-questions-is-talking-back type: He huffs a deep breath and tilts his head as if to mimic me, clasping his fingers together in front of his ribs. The smile and vein are both still on his face.

“It is not only unacceptable to bring your own food into a grocery store,” he strains, “but I cannot have you spilling your drink all over our products.”

…I haven’t spilled anything. What does he think I am, some crusty little kid?

Damn, this is bringing out a rage that I haven’t experienced since working behind a Joja desk. I didn’t know I was even capable of it anymore. Must be something about the overstimulatingly bright blues, or the blindingly white strips of lights. Same ones we had above each cubicle in the office.

My anxiety is rapidly replaced with a petty yearn to cause a ruckus as I realize that I don’t work for Joja anymore. I never have to even come here again, actually.

I don’t answer to this fucko! I don’t answer to anyone!

Screw this guy!

Feeling courageous, I put on my own customer service mask as I inquire, “Do you want me to spill this on your products?”

“E-excuse me?!”

I hover the cup near the cards, tilting it a little. Doing a little eyebrow wiggle too for good measure. “It feels like you dooo.”

“I— w-what are you doing?”

Seb would be so proud if he were here. Not sure how Magnus would react, but I’d like to imagine he’d support me too.

Completely on impulse, I bring the cup in front of me and splash a little coffee in the man’s direction instead of the cards’. The now-lukewarm liquid splatters onto the white button-down beneath his jacket and rapidly seeps into the fabric, leaving a light brown, unsightly splotch.

Sick, got him where it hurts and none got on the floor! Less work for Sam!

Making sure my voice is just as cheery as Morris was trying to keep his, I cap this off, “Stop treating your employees like crap and stop treating complete strangers like children, asshole.”

This feels so good. My heart is racing and my pits feel a little moist and I might just end up an anxious mess the second I walk away, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t cool as fuck in the moment. When Leah asked me last week if Magnus ever wanted to go apeshit, it didn’t even occur to me how badly I wanted to go apeshit.

I walk down the nearest aisle as Morris continues sputtering something about me leaving, paying for this, whatever.

Shane’s kneeled down in the middle of the aisle stocking shelves. He faces me for a moment and grins slyly. “That was cool as hell.” Why does this feel so validating? “A woman after my own heart.”

HUH?

I blink that fucking flashbang away — seriously, the last time I saw him he was still being a dick, and today he’s treating every interaction like we’re fully acquainted, if not more, what the heck — as he turns away to scan items onto the shelf again.

“I really didn’t do much…” I really didn’t. Just kinda caused a minor inconvenience for the guy.

My hands are shaking though, so it must be catching up to me.

“That still took some balls.” He glimpses at me briefly and adds, “Y’look like you might cry, though. Get outta here before I change my mind about you.”

I huff out a quiet laugh and steady Sam’s — well, my, now — coffee in both hands. “On it, boss.”

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hexiewrites · 1 year ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 43!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 562,348, which is honestly insane

3. What fandoms do you write for? right now mostly stranger things. I've got most of a ted lasso fic written but who knows if that'll get posted?? and prev, harry potter.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1. don't take this sinner (dramione, marriage law ish), 2. same as it ever was (steddie, two timelines, one of my first steddie fics!) 3. carve your name into my chest (steddie, the hockey au of my dreams) 4. come get your man (he got lost in my DMs) (steddie, social media, steve being a horny DM guy) 5. there'll be a riot (cause I know you) (steddie, the matty-healy-rat-man-Eddie-vibed mostly smut fic)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? ugh. I WISH!!!! I want to be better at this, I really do. I usually start strong but I end up with limited energy/time and I want to filter that into writing more. if you've ever commented: I FUCKING LOVE YOU and think you're SO cool! if you really WANT a reply, the best way to get that is to ask me questions haha. it starts to feel weird just "thank you!"ing everyone, ya know?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I am.... not an angsty ending person tbqh! I think the closest is probably you love the sea, which is a flintwood rarepair selkie fic that I deeply love. it ends happy, insofaras they end up TOGETHER, but if you think more about the implications and how fucking sad it's going to be for oliver... well. I'll leave that to you guys.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? god, I'm well known for having "endings so happy they border on absurd", according to one person online. so, pick your poison I guess! anyways the fic THAT person was referring to was same as it ever was, so, let's go with that!

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have been so lucky lately to not get much hate at all lately, which is a real privilege in the fandom world. remember that I cut my teeth in early days of harry potter, and people were BRUTAL. I definitely HAVE gotten hate - my aforementioned dramione fic has a bit of a weird twist that some people were PISSED about (and once I got an incredibly detailed comment about how badly I fucked up my representation of black Hermione because she... didn't talk that much about hating her hair? which I know is AN experience but not necessarily a universal one) but overall, at least this fandom go around, no hate. thank you, everyone, for that!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes. lots and lots and lots of it. mostly kinda kinky and pretty much all pretty gay. let's not talk about how many times I've had to tag dacryphilia and what that means. I just like when people fuck about things, yknow?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? nope, never! and I likely never will. too much to keep track of.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that I know of, thank god for that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I've had requests but... I would need a translator willing to work pretty closely with me because I want to make sure certain choices come across well, and I haven't found that yet.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? not officially, though I did write a buckingham companion piece to the amazing cowboy-bar fic @riality-check did!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? OH GOD don't make me choose! ALL TIME is still probably dramione, but steddie is a very close second. in terms of canon ships, I'm such a sucker for buffy/spike (leave me alone), and veronica mars/logan (AGAIN LEAVE ME ALONE) and rory/logan (BECAUSE RICH WHITE BOYS NAMED LOGAN ARE A WEAKNESS, APPARENTLY)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? pour one OUT for you can't take the sky from me, which is my firefly inspired harry potter au ft pansy/percy, mostly because I had so many big plans for it that I've completely forgotten AND I just can't write in that fandom at all anymore. sorry everyone, I do love what I put out and I wish there was more of it.

16. What are your writing strengths? prose, smut, tying things together with little bows, and spending way too much time in my characters heads

17. What are your writing weaknesses? dual POVs, getting so lost in one character I don't flesh out the others as much as I mean to, action sequences, and consistent motivation

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've done it before (mostly in clean ice, cold hearts, can't lose) and my typical strategy is to indicate that the characters are speaking a diff language (in french, I use guillements and italics) but not to actually WRITE the french, unless it's very short and the POV character doesn't understand it on purpose like in carve.

19. First fandom you wrote for? harry potter baby! my oldest posted fic that I've found online was from 2002, when I was... too young to be interacting with the internet like that, that's for sure.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? carve your name into my chest and it's no contest. I love same as it ever was as well, which I think is a better WRITTEN fic technically speaking, but carve was a huge passion project that I had so much fun with, and the response to it had been one of my favourite things in the world. oh, and special shout out to make this inn our own, which is my second longest fic ever and was just an absolute joy to do. so, those three, I guess!

tagging with no pressure: @riality-check @hereforanepilogue @maxineholtzmann @stevespookington @stevethehairington @withacapitalp and whoever else wants in!

#ask games #author tags #about the author

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lovebird17 · 2 years ago

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I posted 10,274 times in 2022

That's 2,686 more posts than 2021!

8 posts created (0%)

10,266 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@i-am-an-adult-i-swear

@birdburrito

@silverjirachi

@myliobatiste

I tagged 162 of my posts in 2022

#adhd - 7 posts

#like wtf - 3 posts

#add - 3 posts

#the netherlands - 3 posts

#excellent sponsored post op - 3 posts

#neurodivergent - 3 posts

#ah yes - 2 posts

#no - 2 posts

#ofmd - 2 posts

#like real people do - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#incidentally my mum and i finally got along once she divorced my dad and i started living with her full time in my late teens

My Top Posts in 2022:

I am loving this function of being able to see all the tags people have added to posts. Prev tags? Sure, lemme check the notes.

5 notes - Posted February 7, 2022

A post here reminded me of how much I love Hannah Gadsby.

[Angry white men] are like the canaries in the mine, aren't they? If they're having a tough time, the rest of us are goners.

9 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

Me: oh, lovely, they're doing a fun thing with English lit, nice! Unfortunately I don't have time for it, I would have loved to partake. I have never actually read Dracula. I really should do that at some point.

Also me: finds the Dracula book I bought for my 19th century lit course and suddenly remembers the essay I wrote on the feminisation of Johnathan Harker.

Ah, yes, thank you, brain

40 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

@xiaq my book arrived!!! I was kinda worried I wouldn't be able to find it here in the Netherlands, but my favourite bookstore came through and was able to order it for me 😁😁

Can't wait to read it and see how it's changed!

47 notes - Posted September 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So for all you people with executive dysfunction, specifically you ADHD folk, there's a trick I've been using for a while now to get out of it that I call the Lift-A-Finger™ (except, y'know, not actually TM, because in this economy???)

But what, Birdy, is the Lift-A-Finger™? I hear you ask. Well! You remember those times when you sat down and you tried to do something? You had a whole list of plans, you knew which order they had to go in, but your executive dysfunction simply made it impossible to actually do it? If you are anything like me, you might be suffering from this right now, as you are reading this.

And while your body refuses to cooperate, your mind is screaming bloody murder and demanding you lift a finger once in your goddamn life, you (insert one of the many things people have said about you which were wrong that you have since internalised)!!!

So, instead of doing any of the tasks that seem so incredibly insurmountable and impossible, instead I want you to take a moment, do as your brain demands and literally lift a finger.

That's it. You stop your doomscrolling, your binge watching, your game replays for a second, and you consciously lift a finger.

This is not an impossible task, it is not even a hard task, or a long task, or a boring one. It literally takes a second and then you can continue what you're doing. Except. Now you've done A Thing. You get to cross off one of your to-dos (of which you probably have many) and this makes it so much easier to get up to do another thing.

It is also an incredibly effective tool at recognising your mental state. I have had moments where lifting a finger took me minutes. Actually acknowledging that yes, tasks are hard, made it easier for me to relax my load a bit and do the few things I could do. But I've also had moments where I thought of it, did it immediately and nothing changed. That's okay, too. I just had to grab a different tool to get up and do what I needed to do.

TL;DR executive dysfunction? Stop for a second and literally lift a finger with Lift-A-Finger™!

272 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I should really tag more #oops #also i am not mad about the few posts i actially wrote myself

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princesscolumbia · 5 months ago

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And on today's episode of "I was today years old when I found out that not everyone does it that way..."

I have been writing with varying degrees of productivity and mostly been really trial-and-error with what makes me a good writer. Sometime last November (more like late-October, but I only really noticed in November), some bit flipped and now I can just sit down and write, every day, whenever I want, for hours at a stretch sometimes.

I have, in fact, gotten to the point where I need to consciously NOT choose to write on days when I'm low on spoons or I'll burn myself out...again.

I kinda knew it was a bit exceptional when I had wrapped up what, in my mind, was the starting section, the first establishing story arc, of a novel...or at least it's one novel in my head. I threw the whole blob of text for the establishment of my setting, what makes this variant universe of the setting in which my fanfic is based unique, and I popped in an author's note saying, "Okay, setup's done."

My first comment was the following, single-line reply:

This was all SETUP?

And that made me realize that most novels usually don't take 45k words for the setup.

It also made me realize that I'd powered through an entire novel's worth of writing in around a month...right on the heels of another 110k+ word novel that I'd written in the course of about 2 months, right after I'd body-slammed the NaNoWriMo word-count in November and blew right past it with four short stories and an update to a WIP.

I currently have a word-count daily goal of 1,400 words...and I often rocket right past that without noticing. I have to intentionally take days off for my mental health and physical well-being or I will write.

I don't know what caused this, I don't know why I do it, I am very aware there are many authors out there that are insanely jealous of my ability and I've been asked for the secret sauce a dozen times, and I just haven't really known what to tell people...until reading this post and realizing that this is just the stuff that I do and I thought every author did it.

So without further ado, minor supplemental commentary of my take on the prev author's advice, with the assurance that everything they said is 100% correct and at this point I'm just gilding the lily:

1. Writing nonlinearly

Seriously, if you have ADHD and are pushing yourself to write linearly, stop. For 3 of the last five completed projects I did I had something like an epilogue or novel climax already written before I'd finished writing chapter 3. Yes, you may have an idea how you want a fic to go and you'll be conscious about making sure your writing gets there, but nothing helps an ADHD brain like a target to hyperfixate on.

1.a - Jump around! Jump around! Jump up, jump up and get down!

Now that I've shown my age; if you have ADHD (and maybe if you don't, not like I've never not been ADHD so I wouldn't know), your brain doesn't work linearly at all and you're only fighting yourself if you try not to follow the dopamine.

On my current WIP, I jammed through chapters 14 through 19 all in a row...then suddenly had a yen to do some text for the tentatively numbered chapter 25. I hammered out a daily-goal's worth of scene chewing (currently available as a sneak peak to all tiers, even free, on my Patreon /shameless_plug). I then bounced back to do ch. 20 before my brain locked in on exactly how I wanted to write the climax of the entire book and that took me all the way to the end (but before the epilogia). I'm not back to chapter 21 and practically pouring the words out from the full pitcher that is my brain because I allowed it to fill with content at the pace it works best at.

2. Rereading my own work

Of course I re-read my own stuff! I'm the only one who knows exactly what I want to read! 😋 Quite seriously, I have gone back to reading stuff I wrote, like, 10 or even 20 years ago because my brain is saying that's where it wants to be...and it turns out that was just what was causing me to not be able to write. Whether I just needed to take a break, needed to revisit a headspace, or I wrote something that reminded me of something else and I wanted to write it again, I've learned to let my brain lead me in the direction it needs to go.

3. Marinating in the headspace of the story

OP is probably right that this isn't a necessary thing for your writing. Heaven knows I've got a day job and can't just stew in my headspace for my fics all the time. But one thing that cannot be denied is sometimes it's hard to get back into the right headspace, and for me the solution turned out to be; playlists.

This is the playlist for my current WIP. Obviously, at a 2+ hour runtime, what you see above isn't the entire list. That list constitutes, however, all the music that I have, in whatever fashion, mentally associated with the headspace for Code of Ethics. I've done this for every WIP I have for nearly 20 years, and even if I decided to go back to one of those early, early fics that I haven't touched since before Trump was elected, all I need to do is dig up the playlist for it (even if that means re-launching iTunes for the first time in over a year) and hitting "play" and I'm back in that headspace.

Going to tag on one more thing that works for me 99% of the time:

4. Read OTHER PEOPLE'S work!

I write because I was inspired to write. There's other ways to tell the stories I want to tell and be creative and be good at it. I chose writing because other people wrote stuff that 'spoke' to me. Fission came about because I had some ideas that I knew could work because @burgerbecky had already done similar stuff with her writing. I knew Deviation was a thing that could be successful because I'd read plenty of Omegaverse fics. Double Isekai was going to be written by someone and so I figured I might as well get in there first because I'd already read DOZENS of isekai fics. And Code of Ethics came out of, "Okay, but what about...?" while I was reading QuietValerie's Troubleverse. Whatever inspired you to write, sometimes you just gotta go back in and read it again, read the sequel, read more of whatever it was that got you into writing so you remember, "...oh yeah, that's why I write!"

How I learned to write smarter, not harder

(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)

A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.

The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.

As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!

Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!

2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)

Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.

Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.

I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.

Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!

This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.

As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.

When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD

People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.

What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!

What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.

You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.

And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.

And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.

If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?

And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD

In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.

Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.

Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)

And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)

26K notes · View notes

jamaiskookie · 4 years ago

Note

i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE!

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown.

masterlist PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats.

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting.

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second.

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes.

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing.

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask.

hundreds of comments answer.

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute.

the v-live notification.

or, more accurately, the sound of war.

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god.

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it.

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall.

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom.

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities.

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen.

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen.

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again.

“- how have you been?“

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain.

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure.

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it.

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names.

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh.

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans.

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets.

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took.

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september.

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix.

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist.

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears)

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day.

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day.

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen.

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad.

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??)

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage.

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself.

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them.

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen.

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“

soundcloud?

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs.

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all...

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts.

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something.

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense.

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to.

the music you make- how can he explain it?

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang.

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy.

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on.

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it.

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions.

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people.

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone.

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days.

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional.

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them.

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life.

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen.

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut.

jimin figures it out before he does.

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now.

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself.

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once.

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now.

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs.

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap.

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat.

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group.

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see.

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him.

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view.

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him.

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much.

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter.

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either.

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger.

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.”

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out.

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two.

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head.

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that?

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101 @dwcljh @stonyiscanon @bishuthot @s0seo @cecedrake2217

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fayeimara · 4 years ago

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Meant To Be Series || One For Every Billion

1. Operation: Meet Shiratorizawa

*Both written and SMAU parts this epsiode*

You hear the familiar sound as you open the door and look inside the gym. The Shiratorizawa campus is definitely impressive but nothing feels more familiar than walking into a strange gym filled with mostly strangers. Back home or a world away, volleyball is the same, perfect sport.

"Y/nnnnnn!"

You're smiling wide before you even lock eyes with your favourite redhead. "Tendou!"

Your greeting is muffled in a bear hug to beat all bear hugs and you can't help but laugh as you wrap your arms around your cousin's best friend.

"I am glad you could make it." Toshi is standing behind Tendou with a small smile and you pull away to give him a hug too.

"Let us introduce you to coach first, and then you can meet the others."

"Sounds good!"

The three of you walk over to the side where a small elderly man is scowling at the players on the court and when Toshi introduces you, you follow what you know of polite customs here and bow at the waist in greeting, "Thank you for having me!"

"I hear you play as a setter for a premier league."

Yeah, Tendou and Toshi weren't lying about his intimidating demeanor, but you're unfazed. You've dealt with some like him and they're good leaders in their own way.

"Yes, sir."

"You're quite short for your age."

You blink. You're pretty sure you're the average height for girls your age. You're definitely on or above average in your league even though you're not as tall as your hitters. Okay, cheeky, it is.

"Yes, sir. I hear that sometimes from opponents before we play. Not so much after a game, however, if at all." Tendou starts chuckling only to muffle it when the coach's sharp gaze locks onto him for a moment before focusing back on the court.

"Is that so." He finally looks over, making eye contact and drawing out the silence for a few quiet seconds. "Well, height isn't critical for a setter, though it's an asset."

"Yes, sir." You have to bite the inside of your cheek so you don't push it. You're aware of his status and tenure, after all. To someone like him, kids your age with a little cheeky boldness and confidence can be surprising and impressive. Too much is disrespectful and you're still a guest here at the end of the day.

He looks back at the team and you do startle a bit when he barks out, "Did I say it was time for a break?!"

Looking over to the court, you finally realize the practice game has all but stopped. You meet several wide eyed, disbelieving stares before they jolt back into motion.

Tendou and Toshi leave you there to rejoin their teammates with a grimace and a nod, respectively. You just smile blandly and take a seat next to their coach.

-x-x-x-

By the time Coach Washijo blows the whistle for the end of their practice, you've got a clipboard on your lap with notes and the begrudging respect of the ornery man beside you. Yes, you know your shit when it comes to volleyball and you didn't hesitate to use your knowledge to impress. You have a feeling he'll be taking a look at the link you wrote down to your national games at some point given the observations you pointed out. Mission: Success.

As the boys are grabbing water and towels and gathering around, Coach locks eyes with you once again to study you as you smile politely back at him, waiting for what he's chewing over. "You can visit again."

And then he stands to address his team before heading over to his office and leave them to clean up.

You look away from his retreating figure and, oh my, that's a lot of eyes on you. Why do athletes look so pretty? You smile wider and stand to introduce yourself, "Hello. I'm L/n, Y/n, Toshi's cousin. Nice to meet you all and thank you for having me here for this practice."

You bow and they start stuttering and speaking over each other while Tendou laughs, knowing you're also teasing a little. They're clearly flustered so it takes the edge of your own nerves and your smile relaxes into something a little easier.

"Wow.. that was.. different. I've never seen anyone interact with Coach like that." You look over to an ash haired boy, oh hello- "I'm Eita Semi. Nice to meet you.”

He sounds a little brusque.. hmm. He's their setter and knowing Toshi and Tendou...

"Semi-san, your sets... they really show your love for volleyball."

His mouth drops, hopefully in surprise, but you also hope you didn't say anything too forward? You know it's pretty different here and some things like feelings aren't used as carelessly in conversation but.. he's blushing. Oh no.

You try to correct, just in case, "I mean, I hope it's not presumptuous or inappropriate to say! I'm lucky to call myself a setter too, so from one to another, I just wanted to say I can see how much fun you have and it's inspiring!"

Okay, now Tendou is literally dying of laughter, bent over grabbing his stomach but you can see his face and yeah, he literally looks like the emoji that's crying with laughter. And- what?! Even Toshi is smiling a little, he knows that under your calm and playful exterior there's an impulsive, reckless storm.

Semi raises his hand up to the back of his head and you swear he's full on blushing. Okay, yeah, no, you're good. It might sound cruel but when you see people more embarrassed or flustered than you, usually, you find your own equilibrium steadies in response.

"That's- uh- thanks! I hear you're incredible. I mean, as a setter. I- Thanks."

The rest of the team has been looking on and slowly amusement and excitement is like a wave that slides across their features. One of his teammates hits Semi across the back, knocking him forward a bit, while teasing him about compliments from a pretty girl. But you politely pretend not to hear and focus on some of the other members as they start asking you about yourself and answering your return questions about each of them.

I think we can call Operation: Meet Shiratorizawa a success, you think, happily satisfied with the people your dear cousin has to call his teammates and friends.

Prev | Next

Masterlist

Behind The Scenes!

-Toshi is not directly related to Y/n but they might as well be brother and sister for how close they are

-He’s actually her (bear with me, please) dad’s brother’s sister-in-law’s son : Her uncle’s wife is an Ushijima - so her aunt by marriage is sister to Toshi’s mom.. I’m sorry, am I making any sense?

-Their mutual cousins will appear in the story, you’ve already seen their profiles in Family Matters: Kazuya, Akira, and Akari

-Tendou has known Y/n as long as he’s known Toshi and treats her like a cross between best friend and older brother, which means he’s sometimes mean, always teasing, and he will smack, cut, bury a bitch if they hurt her

A/N: Two things.. 1) I absolutely love Ushijima, I find he's seriously underrated. Although I guess I’m guilty here too because he’s Y/n’s family instead of a love interest 😔 If anyone ever wants to see a Toshi fic, let me know, I’ll do my best to work on his characterization 2) CHARACTERIZATION... guys, I’ve wondered this with all the HQ characters I’ve incorporated so far, but.. I don’t know if I’m hitting anywhere close to what they might actually be like in the scenarios I put them in?? So I apologize in advance, and profusely, for all the HQ characters that turn out not quite.. the way they should lol. The writing kinda sorta maybe gets away from me all the time 😅

I lied, there's a third.. I know I've made several posts on days that I've posted so far, and while I do hope to be consistent with a steady couple posts a week (particularly concerning this fic, or rather, not including other fics and stuff I might decide to post as I get more comfortable here), I may not always be able to deliver the same amount of content as I a) am still slowly getting a handle on the social media aspect and how to smoothly deliver it; and b) catch up to where I'm at in the story. So I just want you all to know, I really appreciate your patience with me <3

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geee-three · 3 months ago

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i wrote my response in the tags at first because this whole post is just buildup to my joke at ULTRA C but actually i wanna make something clear.

i am not talking about how good the art is.

i am talking about if the animated 2dmv manages to create an impact that is complimentary to the song or expresses the same emotions as the song in a way that is digestable and also more complex if you poke around a bit.

RAD DOGS has amazing art. the art-based animation is fucking fantastic. Rella is an amazing artist, i dont want to take away from that. the everything else is iffy. there's about three transisions that are overly flashy, it's distracing when in-game (which, for these specific mvs, is important to consider!) and they're overused - when you're watching to try and judge the mv, you get sick of it pretty quickly.

RAD DOGS is propped up by Rella's artwork.

A more... egregious example of this is Jackpot Sad Girl, where the lighting and posing make it difficult to see anything (which i guess is the point but it doesnt make for a very effective mv) and it just feels cluttered, it lingers on the wrong things for too long and the good sections, i.e. where two members are singled out and placed in front of a glowing screen during the chorus, are done badly, i.e. there is a neon pink screen that is the most saturated thing in this mv and doesn't fit thematically, either. these are all problems i have with RAD DOGS. (ahem ahem akito turns the screen neon orange. it's literally more saturated than his unit colour i checked.)

RAD DOGS suffered from being an early game mv in the exact same way as Jackpot Sad Girl. it's the first 2dmv for vbs. it doesn't fit toya's vibe. it's just nowhere near as good as any other vbs 2dmv. play RAD DOGS and Forward side-by-side, and you'll get it - Forward is more than just art, animations and effects. (i mention Forward because it release earlier than RAD DOGS. however it released with a 3dmv which has a lot and i mean a lot of problems too, again these are most more egregious in another 3dmv, namely Newly Edgy Idols. vbs, overall, has pretty decent mvs in the early game.)

i'm not doing a full analysis of RAD DOGS. but it's a bad mv, compared to other vbs mvs. the fact that the only thing you mention on a post about the mv is the animation and artwork is either proving my point or showing that the proseka fandom has yet to seperate art from mv. you literally have mizuki and ena, they're seperate roles and you are directly told that they both take equal effort. if you can seperate lyrics from melody you can do this.

(for the record, i'd also rank ULTRA C pretty low. it's funny to joke that it's an acid trip but the mv is. not good. what the fuck? why? that's not symbology that's just symbols. why does brain have carbon-60 in it?/ref)

again, sorry if this was a little harsh. i dont mean to be, im just kinda a little autistic about this and it annoys me when people conflate it for something else.

og tag response below ↓↓

#prev i didnt mean that rad dogs is bad!! youre right its a great mv BUT it falls into the catagory of mvs where they couldve simply been#better if they weren't setting the stage for future mvs to be good. other such mvs are newly edgy idols and jackpot sad girl!#and yeah! the art is fucking fantastic as is the animation! thats mostly whats propping it up though#and im trying to judge the actual mv not the art included yknow? like i care more about whatever mizukis doing than ena! le motion!#crazy is that good BECAUSE of guu (the guy who did the mv). art's amazing but by itself its not much in comparison to other sekai 2dmvs#ofc this is my opinion. im not god this isnt gospel

vbs 2dmvs come in three genres:

RAD DOGS - suffered from being an early-game mv, didn't know what vbs mvs were supposed to be like. relies on animation and flashy transistions, but is better than just zooming in-and-out on the key artwork. (this one actually has two key artworks but whatever)

CRaZY - masterpiece. never feels boring, gets the point of the lyrics across in two languages at once, (the play of baiburu/bible always gets me) shows emotions fully, honestly one of the best mvs in the game. explores akito's relationship with every member of vbs fully, incl luka. i could talk for hours.

ULTRA C - arata gave the kids acid by accident and is currently scrambling to find ken before ken finds him

#ramblings #pjsk posting #i know noone will see this sorry for putting you on blast prev. no hate ofc not ur fault i didnt make stuff clear in my shitpost

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mochiiyaya · 4 years ago

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I Want To Go Back To The Easier Days

Oikawa x Reader

➹ Word count: 195

➹ Synopsis: missing someone after a break up

➹ a/n: kinda like a filler because i don’t know what to write for the smau

⊱ . .⃗ ༉‧₊˚✧ . ˚ ⚘ ˏ`୭̥*ೃ ۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪✩‧₊✿ ⊰

It’s been some years since we spoke. I miss you. I reach out to hold you tighter then realize there’s no one there. Every day I hope to wake up with you by my side. I never realized how one person can deeply affect someone. Days have been colder and colorless even volleyball doesn’t seem fun anymore. I want to go back to you yet after our agreement and the words I said that night I don't think I can. This loneliness I have built up will probably overflow soon. I’m a bit tired. I wished we could go back to the days where things seemed so much easier and simpler than now. I wonder how you are, are you doing well? Have you met anyone new because I sure can’t. You probably have. You seem to be going to a lot of “date spots” with this person. I wonder what type of person he is? Is this person your type now? What do you like about him? How long have you been talking? Have you forgotten me already?

I want you out of my head, out of my heart, out of my thoughts yet I don't want to stop thinking about you. It hurts. This unfinished love is like a blooming rose on its way to show its beauty yet can hurt one with its thorns if held wrong. Sometimes I look over to the benches when I'm satisfied with a serve as if you’ll be praising me. I’m craving to see you. I want to hug you tight and never let go. I want the warmth of your body. Some days I wake up crying or even find myself wanting to cry at practice. I wish these depressing days, thoughts, feelings will just go away. I'm tired of feeling like this. I wish something could happen to put me back on my feet.

I know I don't deserve anymore but I just really want you to be happy with me again. Hopefully, we can fix us and go back to how things were.

- Oikawa Tooru

⊱ . .⃗ ༉‧₊˚✧ . ˚ ⚘ ˏ`୭̥*ೃ ۪۫❁ཻུ۪۪✩‧₊✿ ⊰

Sweeter Than Apple Pie: Extra 2

prev | masterlist | next

❥: hi everyone how are you? i’m so so sorry i haven’t posted the next episode 🥺 i thought of this it’s something short but i hope you enjoy it! i honestly just wrote this base on my sad emotion o.o

✧ tag list ✨: @tepjameme @rosecarft-lollipop @mochahyuck @hnpriscilla @pasta-warlord @mikantsumiikii @usamizuki @notamazinglizzy @nekoma-hoe @satomiis @simp4tsukkii @achly @lilidrawz @juns-random-world @gabbaeae @cleopatera @mental-instability-xviii-ii @yammmers @alyssasteaparty @fleurnymph @newfriendjen @glyxiebear @handsoffmyfriends @lollawindsay @bbecc-a @officiallykuute @moonlightaangel @just-snog-already @goodnight-haley @sol-demure @johnnysactualgf @animewithmemes @michelepiekenma @icaruskenma @urmyshinsuke @mirikusashes @daninaninani @babyshoyo @lostmarimoismyhubby @jvhoons @kozumesupremacy @2sj2 @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @shhhspect @destruhction @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @rachelexe @madusas-girlfriend @sukiuqu @a-applepi @elianetsantana @mint-mai @yn-tingz @elixabeth-exe

#haikyuu smau #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #oikawa x y/n #oikawa angst #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa fic #oikawa tōru #hq oikawa #oikawa tooru #oikawa #angst #letter

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1-800-i-ship-it · 4 years ago

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do you think bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO

Well well well anon you really making me compare this perfect ship with each other huh

Jk haha it’s just a tough q for me

(Also I apologize for taking so long to reply ahh)

As always, disclaimer: this is based on my own opinion so you are free to disagree or agree :)

I don’t think either bam or khun would be a better bf to their SO, I think they both have their strengths and weaknesses, like most couples will have.

Think I already mentioned what I think their love languages are already in another post but in case u forgot, I think Bam is quality time (main), words of affirmation and acts of service and khun as acts of service (main), combined with quality time and words of affirmation (yup i thought they’d both have similar things...i’ll explain myself)

Let’s go over them, shall we? (you can skip the love language part and jump to the line for the answer if you’ve already read it in my prev ask post/not interested)

Bam: Quality time because he really values the moments he spent with the friends he made in the tower and he appreciates each and every one of them (well, fuck rachel) but anyway, in my head bam just seems like the kind of person who would love quality time with the people he cares about <3 he’s said countless times how he would rather die than lose those that he cares about, and always rushes to protect everyone, so i think quality time would be his top one, and so as bam’s partner (ahem khun) just spending time with bam would make him happy :) and as for words of affirmation, I feel like bam would appreciate them a lot coming from those he loves (like khun!) if khun was like “I appreciate you” I bet bam would feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then say smth super cheesy back which would get khun to blush lmao; and finally acts of service cause bam kinda shows how he cares through saving everyone (like all the time) and yea Ifeel like he’d appreciate small things his partner does for him

Khun: I would guess that it would be acts of service, combined with quality time and words of affirmation, though I'm a bit iffy on words of affirmation because he does come from a family where he was forced to fight against other kids from his family where manipulation and deceit was probably very present. but I think he would really treasure real, genuine words of affirmation and would secretly like pet names even though he pretends to hate them (ahem only bam can call him those hehe). I think acts of service would still be the most prevalent, because that’s the main way that khun has shown his love/loyalty to bam, through actions that benefit bam etc… so I believe he would appreciate acts of service as well. I also think he would be the type of person to value actions more than words. For quality time, I think he’d enjoy having the attention of his SO and would just appreciate being able to spend time with them, small things like that.

______________________________________________

I wrote this with modern-day implications

Bam:

Strengths:

always has good intentions

super sweet

learns very quickly what his partner likes/dislikes

loyal to the end

extremely good at cooking

thoughtful but often forgets mundane things sometimes

always makes time for his partner and really values being able to spend time with them

very empathetic

somehow always knows what to do to make his partner happy

has an irresistible radiant smile

often showers his partner with a multitude of compliments

will not hesitate to remind his partner he loves them

appreciates his partner a lot and makes sure they know it

is a very good cuddler

will do anything for his partner

Weaknesses:

kinda oblivious abt like the most obvious things ngl

loyal to a fault sometimes

can seem clingy but he’s just afraid to lose his partner (one of his biggest fears is being alone)

might accidentally get his partner jealous bc he’s super nice to everyone

might overburden himself with everyone’s expectations and seem withdrawn and might have some trouble communicating with his partner

cares too much about others and too less about himself, so may frustrate partner by agreeing readily to things instead of expressing his own opinion

has trouble saying no to things he doesn’t want to do when people ask him for favors–leading to decreased quality time with his partner

has a lot of internal conflicts that may hinder his ability to be present with his partner

Khun:

Strengths:

very thoughtful, super thoughtful, did I mention thoughtful

pretty mature for the most part

has very good life skills and knows how to survive, aka always knows what’s going on and is typically “the responsible” one

does taxes well, manages finances very well

shows his love through actions, whether its getting his partner a little something on the way home, or making sure his partner has the lights turned on when working, or creating an elaborate plan to allow his partner to succeed without burdening his partner

extremely loyal to the right partner

makes excellent coffee

very organized and tidy

knows what he wants and has a lot of ambitions and thus plans for the future well ahead of time with his partner

is always prepared for the worst scenario, has a lot of savings for him and his partner

takes no BS and will not be afraid to provide his partner with honest advice even if it hurts

will do anything for his partner

Weaknesses:

won’t admit he’s thoughtful/a tsundere (could go in both categories)

kind of uptight sometimes

does not have much patience

always wanting to be in control of a situation may not let him fully be present with his partner at times

not very good at articulating his thoughts/feelings

overthinks a lot and worries too much which may lead to him acting cold to his partner

a workaholic that is not very good at taking care of his health

often pushes his feelings deep down instead of dealing with them properly

doesn’t think he deserves his partner and is really insecure but hides it very well

sometimes too caught up in his own head worrying about the future to be present and there for his partner

puts aside his well being for his partner too much

They both have their own strengths and weaknesses, but they work through it together with their respective partners who are obviously each other and are a power couple :D (ahem light bearer and wave controller power couple amirite)

Hope that answered your q anon!

Also @cannottranslate here’s the thing I was working on I hope it met ur expectations :’)

#bluris answers asks #asks #tower of god #bam #khun #khun aguero agnes #25th bam #khunbam #khun aguero agnis #kami no tou #this took me for-frickin-ever and idek why #i feel like i accidentally made some of these headcanons #oh well #anon i hope you enjoy #suggestions are welcome #omg i legit had to fix the placement of the keep reading line like 5 times sigh #ok its just broken

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

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mtmte liveblog issue 9

back at it again, and its time for the shadowplay arc, HELL yeah

oh I'm so excited i love this arc lets DO this

oooh its nightbeat and quark!! way before they become relevant, which is so cool

‘one of those recepticon fanatics’ lmao imagine if they were...the recepticons. just doesn't have the same ring to it

god i fucking love all the politics of mtmte. i love how they’re talking about the senate here before we really get to See how bad they were (we heard a bit about it from whirl a few issues ago, and now here)

love how nightbeat is pretty much agreeing with the decepticon ideology here, even if its clear that he isn't Actually a decepticon - it just drives home the fact that, in this story, The Decepticons Were Right About A Lot Of That Stuff (or at least, they had a reason other than ‘destruction’ for rebelling).

AND THEN THERES RUNG!!!!!!! WITH HIS MODEL OF THE LOST LIGHT....god i fuckgin LOVE the continuity in this story bc the first time reading this ur like oh ok rung is old yea makes sense...but then later all the time travel stuff happens and then its like OHHHHH

damn poor rung nightbeat can rlly tell he's lonely just by looking at him vbhjdkdfhbjsjkdf geez. also nightbeat that's ur mystery stick bf from the future js!!

quarks extreme POV on all of the stuff is so interesting, and makes so much sense bc of Course he would think that as a non-combatant scientist who, due to his functional value in current society, wouldn't really benefit much from a revolution - in fact, he’d probably lose a lot. and that’s the sort of thing where you’re like, ok well think about everyone else dude, have some perspective - but at the same time, quark did suffer a pretty terrible fate, so his fears weren't entirely unfounded...augh, its so fascinating...im sorry I'm not gonna shut up about space robot politics this Entire time

HOW did nobody notice that dead body before now

ratchet spray-painting the hands he stole from pharma to match his own paintjob is like...kinda gruesome if you think about it hvbhsjkdfbkjdf

i love rewind sooo much oh my god

he rlly stashed rung’s comatose body in a wheelchair behind the bar hbkjdhfbshjkdf rewind

rewind and chromedome’s tag-team explanation....ough hhhhh THEM

wait a sec, rewind, you have medical records in your database? that is, at least according to regular medical laws, very illegal lmao. my favorite long-running theme in mtmte: the fact that hipaa and osha laws on cybertron are either basically nonexistent, or just universally disregarded

what the actual fuck is up w/cybertronian time units. that shit is wack as hell

ooh i love how chromedome looks different in the flashback - no shoulder tires! - that's a cool detail

how come prowl just said ‘minute,’ rewind was busting it up w/all the wack ass fantasy time units just a second ago. geez

also goddd i love the scenery of pre-war cybertron, its SUCH a cool setting like, visually and aesthetically and politically

like, i adore details like the sign in the bg that says ‘everyone’s shape serves a purpose.’ really adds to the ‘society on the precipice of civil war currently controlled by an increasingly-desperate faction who are doling out propaganda like crazy in an attempt to maintain their image and control over the populace’ vibe

good ole murder mystery setup. love it!

pre-war prowl is such an interesting character. actually prowl in general is such an interesting character...I kinda wrote him off during my first read of mtmte (and even a little during my second readthru) as just this dude who’s an asshole (espec bc my prev tf experience involved watching tfa as a kid, and this prowl is very different from tfa prowl lol)...but prowl is SUCH a multi-faceted and interesting character, even in the relatively little we see of him in mtmte

plus it was interesting to learn later that prowl was one of the characters that jro wanted for mtmte and didn't get, and MAN i wish he got prowl bc I would've loved to see what jro would've done w/prowl on the lost light, that would've been amazing. like, just imagine the arc he would have...I have no idea what that arc would BE, but I know it would be awesome. plus I’d be really interested to see how prowl would factor in, relationships-wise, amongst the crew of the lost light. so much potential!

anyways. I'm in a very talky mood tonight it seems. its currently 4 am so that kinda explains it. ok, moving on!

chromedome and prowl bantering....in their own morbid forensic-cop way...

skids bvhjdbsfjasf. speaking what we’re all thinking: is prowl gonna keep showing up in mtmte despite not technically being part of the cast??

swerves drawing of prowl lmaoooo

AND THEN REWIND IN SOME OF MY FAVORITE MTMTE PANELS....fuckgin cracks me up every time god. rewind was rlly about to flip their entire ass table just to demonstrate that prowl is a serial table-flipper...and then he cant even make the table budge and he just stares at his hands like ‘how could you betray me like this’ hvbajkhhsfdhksdf PEAK hilarity

drift hvbshfdjbasdfj his forcibly cheery expression even tho he’s being harassed by rodimus, who is a big whiny toddler w/drift lmao

rodimus is the type of guy who, upon drift not replying to one of his texts, would post a whole twitter thread being all like ‘these days u cant trust any1 to hav ur back...u think u kno someone and then they just ghost you...(1/14)’

again, rewind, HOW and WHY do you just Have medical reports, oh my god, somebody please call a hipaa agent I’m scared,

ratchet interrupting the story to give a quick medical PSA....that's Such an on-brand thing for Me to do that I feel like jro is assigning me ratchet kin as I read this

also, hey, its sonic and boom, those two decepticons from delphi! nice little continuity there

AND HERES ORION PAX SUPER COP

can’t believe idw made my dad optimus prime into a cop. smh. shouldn't be that shocked tho, I feel like half the idw characters are cops

orion rlly hit them w/the omae wa mo shinderu arrest strat

orion: I cant believe you're beating this guy up. anyways, now I'm gonna beat YOU up,

when ratchet puts his hand over drifts mouth and then gets spray paint on drifts face bhjdfsvsdjhfgbjdskf

pre-war ratchet and drift ;_; ratchet’s little inspirational speech...the fact that he tells drift that he’s special...the fact that drift remembered all of this even after 4 million+ yrs...it gets me bro it GETS me

ALSO the layers in the fact that drift then goes on to become a well-known murderous decepticon...so this little scene of him and ratchet in the past gives a lot of context to ratchet’s general attitude towards drift - ratchet clearly feels at least somewhat responsible for all the blood on drift’s hands, since he saved drift’s life way back in the day

the whole relinquishment clinic thing is such cool worldbuilding, bc of course that's the kind of thing that would develop in a society of robot aliens who are only allowed to work within the rigid confines of their alt mode

I love the whole matrix thing bc its kinda like being the pope or st but also you have a ton of political sway, so its a super important position, so of Course the corrupt senate would want full control over that power, and would assassinate the current prime to try to get their own guy in

god vhbhjsdkbgshjdf rodimus is such a dick lmao poor drift

HHHHH I love that the cybertronian version of an autopsy is taking the dudes body apart into the smallest components and laying them all out. that's so fucking cool

hmmmm chromedome maybe you should Not be interested in mnemology, how about that,

oh god. time to start being sad about op and senator shockwave. oh god

senator shockwave more like senator sexy

also the first time I read this I thought I had just missed his name and like halfway thru the story I went back and scoured the pages looking for it hbvhsjdfbshgfdsbj then I was like oh ok so we’re maybe supposed to just know who this guy is from another comic? but NOPE it was very deliberate and I only realized very close to the end that they were setting up some sort of reveal

its funny bc normally I'm not a huge fan of stories where politics play a huge role but I fuckgin love it here, the politics and worldbuilding is all so interesting and also balanced out with a healthy dose of cool sci-fi hijinks, so

lmao there's chromedome being obsessed w/people making the ‘pfft’ sound

also wow yet more hindsight, maybe you Shouldn’t be so interested in the Institute, chromedome,

OHHHH shit I forgot abt the red alert stuff happening at the same time as this :( :( :(

AUGHHH what a fucked up situation. god

oooof i gotta continue now!! what a solid issue, I love the shadowplay arc

#lj rereads mtmte

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jincherie · 5 years ago

Text

fox rain | two

• ☽ — pairing: bts x reader • ☽ — genre: crack, fluff, angst, college/uni au • ☽ — words: 8.7k+ • ☽ — rating: sfw • ☽ — warnings: at last, it drops. tension! • ☽ — notes: things are beginning to shift!! lets get it fox rain!!!

— posted; 01.06.2019

When the love letter you wrote and submitted as an assignment is leaked to the entirety of your university, it becomes a race against time to dispel rumours and convince the seven suspected muses of the poem that they aren’t the subject before anyone realises that you are the author. Easy, right? Well… maybe not as easy as you think.

— • masterpost | prev. | two | next • —

If Hoseok is surprised at your somewhat frazzled appearance and contradicting smug smile as you enter the library with a skip in your step, he doesn’t show it. Instead, you receive a sudden and intense cross between Hoseok’s most prevalent (and your preferred) bubbly persona and that of a concerned tutee, which in this moment he very much seems to be.

“y/n, are you okay? You missed last weeks session and are super late today? Are you, like, dying?”

Blinking rapidly and halting in your steps, it takes you a moment to realise that Hoseok is holding you by the arms and looking slightly crazed. You chalk it up to concern, and reach up to ruffle his pink and purple locks before shuffling past him and plopping your belongings on the table he has picked out today.

“I’ve had a day,” you say simply, mulling over whether you want to share its events in detail with the male or not. Undoubtedly, he would be understanding about your Seokjin-related vexations, but also… you can’t reveal much at all without also in turn revealing that you’re the author of the poem. Which reminds you…

Hoseok is one of the few people listed as potential muses for the poem. Your mood sinks slightly as you recall that little tidbit, your previous joy from Seokjin getting his dues fading a little. Right, your job isn’t done yet—you can’t allow yourself to celebrate prematurely when your reputation is still at stake.

“A day?” Hoseok repeats, a note of understanding filtering into his voice. “It really be like that, huh. Well, at least you’re here now! You can count on me to cheer you up.”

You snort, turning to face him as you take a seat—it seems that his momentary ‘concerned tutee’ persona has left and now it’s the usual bubbly-seok. Again, your favourite of his usual two dispositions, so you’re not at all complaining.

“What do we have to work on today?” you skip over his exuberant utterances for the sake of beginning the tutoring session that you were already late for. No sense in prolonging its start even more, since you have another one lined up right after. Which reminds you, you need to begin mentally preparing yourself for the transition between them.

“Some worksheets!” Hoseok chirps, finally joining you at the table. “And then, if we have time, would you be able to help me with one of my assignments? History of Music is kicking my ass!”

You’re a little taken aback by how cheerful he sounds as he says that, but settle for shrugging and moving on. It’s typical Hoseok behaviour, you’re not too concerned.

“Sure, whip ‘em out.”

Hoseok quickly does just that, opening up his bag and rifling through for the sheets he needs. The silence that falls over you is brief but comfortable, though you don’t get to enjoy it much before Hoseok is speaking again. He still hasn’t found the sheets when he opens his mouth.

“So, what happened with you on Friday?” the bright-eyed male asks, turning his head to peer at you over his shoulder while he tears his bag apart looking for his worksheets. “It was a bit of a crazy day, huh? Did you hear about what happened!”

You freeze instantly, saved from having your deer-in-headlights expression expose you by Hoseok turning back to his bag to glare inside it. Panic wells in the bottom of your lungs, inching higher with each second that passes. Fuck, you kind of hoped he wasn’t going to mention it but you can feel it now— he’s totally going to bring up the poem. Fuck—

“Who am I kidding, of course you did,” Hoseok continues to chatter before you can even begin to attempt kicking your brain into gear. Each word that falls from his lips feels like a slap to the top of your head. “Everyone knows about the Moon Poem and the mystery muse and author! I haven’t been able to scroll through my feed without seeing at least a dozen posts about it. And then, then, one of my English Lit friends send me something and it turns out I was included on a list that—”

Shit, you knew it, you knew it— okay, stay calm. You have to stay calm, if your Seokjin experience earlier today taught you anything, it’s that you need to tone down your approach or they’ll know you’re the author. You think this, and understand this, and yet the next words that leave your mouth are probably the most contrary and counterproductive things you could have uttered in this situation.

“You know you’re not the muse, right?” The second you hear the words pass your own lips you wish to tear your own head off and drop-kick it into the sun. That was mean, that was so so mean what the fuck! Why did you say that! You’re panicked but you’re not heartless! “I- I mean, there’s a l-lot of people—”

“Don’t worry, I never would have dreamed it was me!” Hoseok cuts you off before you can dig the hole any deeper, having found his worksheets and since turned himself back to face you. He’s still smiling, apples of his cheeks coloured slightly, and his tone is as chirpy as ever, but you literally feel your heart drop so far to the ground it reaches the Earth’s mantle.

“I— wh—” you sputter, eyes wide— what the fuck? Such easy acquiescence after an entire day of dealing with Seokjin’s difficult ass is more than enough to throw you for a loop. The panic and sense of urgency that had been rising inside you had you so ready to persuade him he isn’t the muse, but at his reponse all you planned to say has died on your tongue and left a bad taste in your mouth. “Wh— are you sure?”

Hoseok tilts his head, smile still on his face but somewhat less bright than before. “Yes? It’s kinda unrealistic to think someone would write such a beautiful poem for, well, me.”

Completely contradictory to what you spent the entire day doing, you find yourself rushing to protest his words and soothe the painful ache in your chest that has made itself known in the midst of this conversation. “What, no! Dude, there is a reason you were listed as a suspect! A bunch of them, actually! Big starstruck eyes, the, uh, the dancing, the—”

“Didn’t you just say I wasn’t the muse?” Hoseok asks, completely bemused and bewildered.

You ignore him, even more zealous in your attempts to convince him. “And the moonshine?! That’s literally you right! That whole incident from last year with the moonshine and the shit and Professor Jee’s exotic pot plant—”

“EVEN MORE REASON why it can’t be me!” Hoseok’s entire face has erupted into a violent blush, not even his ears safe from the wave of crimson as it flushes over him. His discomfort is palpable as he rubs the back of his neck, averting his gaze. “That whole thing is so embarrassing, and the reputation it gave me… there’s no way it could warrant something as lovely as that poem.”

While an incredibly small, vain part of you is flattered by his words, you’re also terribly affronted that Hoseok seems to think so little of himself. You can’t help but feel like you’ve gone and fucked up even more by attempting to fix your other mess and in the process creating a new one. “But—”

“Hey, let’s drop it and move on, yeah?” Hoseok’s voice has lost its bubbly undertone and it’s in this moment that you know you really have fucked up. A heavy weight settles in your chest. “We don’t have much longer of the session left, and I really should try and get at least these worksheets done.”

Your heart gives a painful, pitiful throb, but you can only nod, eyes taking in the sudden slump of his shoulders and the way his lips form a potent, subconscious pout. “I… yeah, alright. What is it you need help with?”

“This one,” Hoseok brings one of the sheets from the pile before him to the space between you. At his short response and flat tone, your feeling of dread and having messed up only increases. “The lyric interpretation.”

You get to work, guiding him through the sheets one by one and expanding on the points he’s most confused with. The entire time he gives you short, few-word responses and maintains his sudden disposition shift, confirming your fears. It seems Hoseok’s second, and your least favourite, persona has come to play— you like to call it grumpy-seok. You don’t get much out of him when he’s like this, and you don’t know how to bring him out of it either. You really fucked this one up, huh. While his bubbly persona is sometimes a bit much for you, you can’t help but miss it now more than ever.

You barely had half an hour left of the session when you started the work, and you just barely manage to finish the last sheet by the time it comes to an end. The whole time, Hoseok’s mood shows no signs of improving and you’re left with a sinking feeling of regret when the alarm on your phone goes off and Hoseok immediately begins packing his things away, remarkably less enthused and sunny than when the session began. If you could, you’d go back in time just to punch yourself in the face and stop yourself from talking and ruining Hoseok’s afternoon.

You finish what you’re explaining to him about the last line you were on, watching him gather his sheets and pencils with a heavy weight in your chest. So distracted by your remorse as you are, you completely forget about the other component of the days you spend tutoring that you should be worrying about.

“y/n! I’m home!”

You freeze, head whipping up to find the source of the voice. For a brief moment your gaze is caught on the reception desk, Jungkook perched behind the counter and looking out at your next tutee as he approaches with a look of resignation. You quickly move it over, however, zeroing in on Jimin as he bounces over with a shit-eating grin. He almost doesn’t see Hoseok— giving you a few moments of false hope that the usual ritual he likes to partake in between sessions won’t occur— but then he catches him standing from the chair and slinging his bag over his shoulder and lets out a shout.

“Jung!” Jimin hollers, entirely too loud for the library. You catch sight of Jungkook slamming his head against his desk in the distance. “Prepare yourself!”

Then, exactly as you expect, the crimson-haired male throws his bag to the floor and begins the usual breakdance showdown that happens when the two of them cross between tutoring sessions. He gets several moves and a body spin in before he realises Hoseok isn’t joining him as he usually does and slows to a stop, confused.

“Thanks for the help, y/n. See you,” Hoseok says with a tired smile, bidding you farewell with a wave of his hand. He turns and departs quickly after that, leaving you and Jmin in a state of shock. You feel terrible, and are incredibly confused.

Jimin, however, seems mostly disappointed. “Aw, I wanted to play with hyung today. What crawled up his butt and died?”

There was the slightest odd note of something else in Jimin’s tone, but you don’t recognise it enough to really dwell on it. Instead, when he turns to you for an answer, you grimace and shrug. It’s the best you’ve got to offer.

“Oh well,” Jimin hums, grabbing his bag from the floor and slipping into the recently vacated seat next to you. “I’m sure he’ll snap out of his funk by the next time we see him. Anywhores, what’s on the agenda today, y/n?”

You roll your eyes at his slang but can’t bring yourself to really laugh today. Almost robotically, you run through the session and work with Jimin on whatever oddball shit he needs help with this week— he always brings the weirdest shit to your sessions, you really have no idea what his major even is. You’re so preoccupied with deciphering Hoseok’s sudden cold snap and mood change that you completely forget that Jimin was one of the people suspected as a muse as well. Convincing him that he’s not the muse is so far from on your mind it’s not even the last thing, and so you go the whole evening without so much as a peep about it.

Jimin’s hour goes fast and it isn’t long before he’s hollering a goodbye over his shoulder, rushing down the hall outside the library to meet Taehyung at the other end. The tall male was looking at you when you emerged with Jimin, so you offer him a smile before turning and going in the opposite direction. With a half-hearted wave to Jungkook, who was trying to appear as though he hadn’t been listening in on the conversation you were having with Jimin on the way out by burying his nose in a book, you make your way home, relieved that the day is over.

A small portion of your time goes towards some half-assed attempts at study, but the rest of it is dedicated to sleep and the new robo dating sim you heard some of your classmates whispering about the other day. So, overall, after the stress of the past few days it is an evening spent well.

x x

When you awaken on that fine Tuesday morning, however, the first thing you recall is the events with Hoseok from the afternoon prior and your stomach sinks with guilt once more. Usually, every other time you’ve encountered grumpy-seok he’d already been that way from the start of the session. Never before had you been the one to set him off.

As you venture onto your campus for classes, you make it today’s mission to find out exactly why Hoseok has these spells of acting so off. The more you think about it, and the more you subtly ask your friends and classmates about him, you realise that despite tutoring him for more than several months now, and his reputation across campus, there’s not actually all that much you know about him. Save for Jimin, who you’ve read between the lines to realise he knows from outside of university, there isn’t anyone else you can think of that’s close to Hoseok; and even then, you wouldn’t go to say he’s exactly close to Jimin… every time you see them together they’re bickering or dance-fighting. How the hell are you supposed to find out what is going on with him, then? You do realise this is a bit of a role reversal from yesterday when Hoseok was concerned with your odd behaviour, but you’re too preoccupied to give it the laugh it deserves.

Your Tuesday morning drama class remains uneventful and would almost be a blur if Kim Seokjin didn’t burst through the doors and waltz in as per usual. Having anticipated the theatre major’s impending entrance, your professor has long since fled the scene and as Seokjin’s eyes sweep the room in search of him to no avail, he seems almost disappointed. He huffs, standing in place, unknowingly right next to where you were practicing your lines when he burst into the room.

“He already left,” you say, leaning up so you’re right in his ear as the words come out.

Seokjin lets out a scream, shrill and piercing, and whips around with his arms in a defensive position. It brings the ghost of a cackle from the depths of your throat, especially the way he’s huffing and puffing for breath after the fright you gave him.

“You’re such a Golum,” he hisses, glaring at you with all the heat he can muster as he straightens and dusts off his shirt. His hands come to adjust the styled pink locks atop his head. You note with an amused twitch of your lips that his hair matches his hoodie today.

“And you’re a menace,” you snort, shutting the door that he left ajar from his abrupt entrance. “One of these days you’re going to scare my professor off for good and I really need him to, you know, teach me.”

“That sounds like a personal problem,” Seokjin comments, eyes scanning the crowd of your classmates for someone else to torment in your professor’s place. It seems he got all his y/n-tormenting urges out of his system yesterday. “How goes your quest by the way, Miss Author? Are you ready to confess to me yet?”

“Shut the fuck up!” Your foot meets Seokjin’s shin and he positively howls, drawing the attention of a few nearby students. You slap a hand over his goblin mouth and smile at them; they’re familiar enough with Seokjin’s bullshit that they take one look at him then turn away with an apathetic shrug. For the first and perhaps the last time ever, you’re grateful that Seokjin has always been such a dramatic ass.

“‘Ww ‘m swfwwy!” Seokjin’s voice is muffled against your palm and you freeze at the fact that you could have sworn he just apologised. You remove your hand, bewildered, and the male gives you a smug look as he rubs his shin and licks his wounds.

“Bet you thought I apologised, huh,” he snickers, long leg wobbling as he balances all of his weight on it to soothe the other. “Idiot.”

Incensed, you rear your leg back to aim another kick, at his good shin this time, and he quickly backtracks at the threat.

“No! Wait! I’ll leave, alright. I’ll leave!” Seokjin turns, limping back towards the door. “I’m going!”

You’re about to tell him not to come back when a sudden idea occurs to you, and contradictory to what you’ve spent the last few minutes doing you lurch suddenly and grab his wrist.

“Wait! I have a question.”

He jerks to a halt and nearly falls over from his wobbly knees, sending you a look that’s a cross between confusion and a glare over his shoulder. “Make up your mind do you want me to leave or not?”

You roll your eyes, releasing his wrist. “You can leave after I ask you this— meaning that if you don’t I’ll kill you.”

Seokjin nods, facing you with a funny look in his eyes that appears eerily similar to respect. “Understood. What did you want to ask?”

Perhaps you’re a little stupid to think that Seokjin would know anything that would help you, but then again… he has a big mouth and knows almost everything about everyone. He might be able to provide some insight. “Do you know Jung Hoseok?”

Seokjin’s head tilts, eyes flicking to the ceiling for a few moments as he scans his memories before he whips it back down and faces you with a wide-eyed look, excitement seeping into his tone. “Wait, you mean the Jung Hoseok?! The kid who got blackout drunk on moonshine and took a shit in Professor Jee’s exotic potted plant that time?! Life partner and soulmate to—”

You sigh, trying not to laugh at the mention of the incident. “Yeah, that Hoseok. He’s one of the people I tutor and—”

“Wait, hold up, back up for a second,” Seokjin cuts you off, looking like he’s just heard the best thing in his entire life. “You’re smart enough to tutor people?!”

Your fingers twitch with the urge to strangle him and, belatedly, you realise you haven’t had enough time since the horror of yesterday to cool down and release all those murderous urges you felt for him. Oh well, if he dies, he dies. You’re good at making things look like an accident.

“He’s one of the people I tutor but he’s been acting a bit weird, and I wanted to see if you knew him in case you knew anything that could help me,” you continue as if he hadn’t interrupted at all before sniffing and turning your back to him. “You’re kind of useless though, clearly you don’t know anything.”

Appalled at your jab, Seokjin stammers as his face reddens slightly. “Wh-wha-wh—”

“Whatever,” you huff, turning and beginning to guide him back out of the room. “You can get lost now, I have no further use for you.”

“HEY!” Seokjin yells, but doesn’t attempt to stop you pushing him out. He seems accustomed to the situation, alarmingly so. Then again, would you really be surprised if he got kicked out of places on the regular? “Don’t objectify me!”

Rolling your eyes, you proceed to forcibly escort him out of your drama room, guarding the doors once he’s safely outside. “Run along now, I’m sure you have other souls to torment and will to live to siphon.”

Seokjin sniffs at you, placing a hand on his hip after dusting his hoodie down once more. “Fine, whatever. I’m going, but it’s not because you told me to. I’m actually a very busy person.”

“As I’ve found out,” you deadpan, and he sends you a shit-eating grin at the mention of yesterday.

“Anywhores,” he says, giving you sudden whiplash to when Jimin said that very same thing yesterday. Oh, it’s a virus among idiots? “I have a jihope merch stand to tend to, so see you, Miss Golum.”

You roll your eyes, already going to shut the doors. He doesn’t attempt to stop you, but seems to remember something all of a sudden as his obnoxiously loud voice pierces the air once more.

“Also, don’t forget you owe me! I have a recital tonight! At seven! Bring the flowers and the booze and don’t forget to clap or I’ll expose your ass!”

“Go away!” you yell through the door, closing it to the sound of his cackle. A part of you is concerned at his words but the rest knows he’s just shitstirring like the little rat bastard he is.

Well. That turned out to be even less helpful than you anticipated, and you weren’t expecting all that much to begin with.

The professor returns barely a minute after you chased Seokjin out, as though he sensed the departure of demonic energy from the building and deemed it safe to return and continue teaching. The rest of your class flies by in a blur, as does the time afterwards in between this class and your next, which you spend studying and eating. Your mind is still preoccupied with thoughts about Hoseok and his mood swings by the time your writing class comes around and you meet up with Sera inside the classroom.

Thankfully, she’s too busy doing god knows what on her phone and laptop to really interrogate you during class time, but the second the clock ticks over and the professor dismisses you, she’s dragging you out to get a coffee with her before you split ways. Somewhat sullenly, you allow yourself to be dragged approximately halfway across campus for a shitty cup of coffee from her favourite place. You hate this place but not enough to refuse and ruin her chipper mood.

“We just finished one assignment and already Prof Puth is giving us another,” she laments, turning her gaze upward as the two of you stand in the line that spans several metres out of the shop. You like the lip tint she’s wearing today but know that, tragically, it’s going to end up all over her coffee cup and maybe her nose in the next few minutes. Hilariously, despite her put-together appearance, Sera is a messy drinker. Her mother even once confirmed this with a series of photos from her childhood. She’s doomed to be unable to drink anything cleanly from the womb to the tomb, it seems. No matter what it is and disregarding any and all laws of physics, any drink she has can and will end up everywhere. Maybe the reason Sera likes this place so much is because they provide a sippy cup option.

“What can I say, he can clearly tell we like to suffer.” You scratch the back of your neck, briefly weighing up whether you wanted to treat yourself with a hot chocolate or not. On the one hand, it’s going to be delicious. On the other hand, you’re incredibly poor. It’s a hard choice.

Sera huffs, hand resting on her hip as the line moves forward and the two of you shuffle with it. “Rude of him,” she remarks, squinting at the menu like she doesn’t have it memorised already. “I think I might branch out and get the chai latte today.”

“You get that every time we come here,” you snort. She smacks your arm in an automated response. The line moves and eventually the two of you get to order— well, she does. You decide to go without your hot chocolate for the sake of saving the cash.

It’s only as the two of you begin to move away from the coffee shop that Sera seems to take note of your current distracted disposition.

She takes a sip of her drink before talking, cup rim already beginning to resemble a swatch of her lip tint. “What’s on your mind, by the way? A certain poem and certain suspected muses?”

You shoot her a warning glare for mentioning it in public but let out a huff and respond nonetheless. “No, not right now. Well, kind of. I’m a bit worried for Hoseok, you know, the one I tutor? But I can’t think of who to ask to see if they know what’s going on with him.”

Sera hums, taking another generous sip of her latte. The two of you are kind of blocking the walkway but she doesn’t seem to care. Her fingers tap against the side of her takeaway cup for a moment before she angles herself more towards you, eyebrows shooting up. “Oh! You could ask that Park Jimin kid? Don’t they know each other from before University? Like high school or something?”

You felt your own brows rise at her words. How did she know this, but you didn’t, when you tutor both of them?!

“Huh,” you say simply, eyes flicking to the side as you ponder it. Well, asking Jimin is certainly a better idea than the one you had this morning to ask Seokjin. But at the same time…

“Where would I find him? Does he even go here?”

Sera shrugs, clearly unbothered since it’s not really her problem. “I don’t know, I mean… probably. You’ll just have to sniff him out. Don’t you have to talk to him anyway as part of your plan? It’ll work itself out.”

You send her a pointed frown. Simultaneously helpful and very unhelpful at the same time, as interactions with her tend to be. In a power move that comes completely unprecedented by you, Sera turns her head and tips the bottom of her cup up, sculling the rest of her chai latte in one fell swoop. It’s with a mix of horror and awe that you watch it happen, a few droplets of frothy milk escaping to dribble onto her shirt. Casualties of war.

She rips the cup away with a loud exclamation of satisfaction once done, eerily similar to when a big bulky man in pop media chugs a large mug of beer and goes ‘ahh’ afterwards. Riveting, truly. Turning to you with a remarkable amount of lip tint still on her lips, she reaches with her free hand and pats the top of your head softly.

“Anywhores,” she says, giving you whiplash for perhaps the millionth time today. “I gotta go pull an entire two-thousand word paper out of my ass, but you have fun doing whatever it is you’re gonna do. See ya, sister.”

And then she’s off, striding down the path towards wherever it is she parked her car. If you didn’t know better, you’d say she was a little… on edge today. She was acting a little nuttier than usual. You shrug, deciding to let it go. It’s probably the fact you got given another assignment today that has her so wired. She’s easily wound up, your dear Sera.

In the wake of her departure, you stand in place a few moments more, pondering her ‘advice’. Would it really be worth it, expending all the energy it would take just to locate Park Jimin to interrogate him? You weigh it up for a moment, assessing how tired you are before deciding that you’d rather nap than attempt to sniff out the crimson-haired male wherever he may be. With that in mind, you turn on your heel and begin in the direction of the bus stop.

Thankfully, it isn’t too far away. You think you might be having some sort of delayed stress response from yesterday because all of a sudden you’re super tired. Yup, you’re definitely napping as soon as you get home, assignments be damned. Perhaps you’ll have something to eat before you pass out though. You ransack your mental catalogue of the pantry at home for potential meals to consume in the near future, so involved in the task you almost miss the commotion occuring to your left, near the newly refurbished Biology Building Cafe— fondly dubbed Biol Cafe by those who know her well. You halt, finally allow the action happening in your periphery to capture your attention fully. To your complete and utter surprise, there stands one Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung— in all honesty you’re starting to think the two of them are attached at the hip at this point.

Jimin is whispering something to Taehyung as they stand, huddled, near the vending machines along the outside of the cafe. You’re much too far to overhear it but whatever it is that Jimin says, it has a gasp escaping his friend— Taehyung straightens and slaps Jimin’s arm in outrage. You can see his cheeks and the tips of his ears flushing red from here. He’s dressed in all black and loose clothing, save for a splash of colour. For a moment, your eyes catch on the source, his shoes, which sport a brief image of a big cat— leopard? tiger? you’re a blind bitch you can’t really see— and appear to be… Gucci?

You don’t even get to ponder over their authenticity before Jimin cackles loudly and reminds you exactly why you stopped in such a shocked manner in the middle of the walkway.

“You!” you announce loudly, pointing at the red-haired male and walking closer in a hurry. The two of them jump and spin around in surprise. “I need to talk to you!”

Jimin appears bewildered, and somewhat fearful, probably wondering what on earth you could want to talk to him about on one of the days that you don’t have tutoring. He slaps a hand to his chest, thick denim jacket with a woolie collar muffling the thunk. “Me?!”

You roll your eyes, close enough to see the way he looks ready to bolt. “Yes, you. Calm down, I just need to ask you something. Hello, by the way, Taehyung.”

The tall male who, admittedly, had yet to recover from your sudden approach, fumbles out a greeting of his own. You wait until he’s done to shoot him a smile, before focusing the remainder of your attention on Jimin. Alright— your brain cracks its knuckles as you prepare to pull information out of this poor soul. Hoseok really has you so concerned you don’t even realise you’re in the proximity of two other people who were on that stupid muse list. That’s a problem for you to realise later, right as you’re about to nod off to sleep at approximately 2:32AM. Nothing quite like procrastinating an unpleasant realisation.

“What did you want to ask…?” Jimin seems slightly apprehensive still, and you’re a little tempted to smack him. Have you not spent the past few months building up trust and friendship between the two of you?? What a fake friend.

You let out a huff, pondering for a moment before just deciding to be blunt. “It’s about Hoseok. Do you know why he’s in such a funky mood lately?”

You swear you see something indecipherable flick through Jimin’s gaze for a moment before he’s shrugging, expression twisting into that usual one that someone does when they don’t know the answer to a question being asked, lips pouting.

“Uh, not really. He kind of just gets like that sometimes, I guess…” the male shifts almost imperceptibly, seemingly somewhat uncomfortable. You wouldn’t be able to tell if it weren’t for the way he fiddles with his fingers and turns his eyes to the side, reaching a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. “Everyone has their funks, he’ll probably come out of it soon.”

You squint at him, for some reason feeling like he knows a little more than he’s letting on. “Are you sure? It seems kind of different this time—”

“He’s probably just going through menopause or something,” Jimin cuts you off, shrugging. You think you hear Taehyung choke on a laugh beside you but ignore it in favour of giving Jimin an incredulous look. He continues without the need for you to prompt him. “Isn’t that a thing with you English major folk? Y’all moody as fuck lol.”

Did he just say ‘lol’ out loud? Furthermore, did he just imply you were an English major? The nerve of this bastard—

“You—!”

Taehyung delivers a subtle punch to Jimin’s bicep before you can continue, making you pause at the sharp yelp he lets out. He sends Taehyung a glare but does whatever the other male seems to want, changing course with his conversation. “Anywhores, I had a genius idea recently and since you’re here I need your opinion. I’m thinking I might dye my pubic hairs to match my hair? What do you think, y/n— do girls think it’s sexy? Should I do it?”

He’s completely serious as he asks you, and perhaps that’s why you’re so absolutely dumbfounded into silence as you are. You stand there for several long seconds, simply staring at him as the words sink in, before you finally feel the life force of your last remaining brain cell blink and die out.

“I’m so sorry,” you say, without an ounce of effort put towards sounding even the slightest bit convincing. “I just remembered I forgot to feed my goldfish, I— I have to go, right now, immediately. “

Then you turn and you leave, barely remembering to give Taehyung a wave for being the only person you’ve talked to today that hasn’t diminished your will to live further than it already had been. As you walk away, you hear Jimin protesting loudly behind you.

“Wait— y/n, wait! Should I do it?! Y/N?! WAIT—!”

On God, why do you even bother.

x x x x x

Needless to say, your life has not known peace ever, but especially not since friday last week— and this isn’t helped in the slightest by the events of the following days. After the somewhat-wreck that was yesterday, that being your usual Tuesday, you went home and gave yourself a nap like you deserved. You’d ended up arriving home with less answers than you had when you set out, and that was kind of depressing so you’d slept to escape the reality.

By the time the next day, Wednesday, has passed mostly in a blur and the time has arrived for your tutoring sessions, you are less than prepared but somewhat determined to get your answers from Hoseok. Even so, despite your apparent lack of forethought and preparation, you do what you do best and attempt to bullshit it.

Surprisingly, Hoseok is late today. As the minutes pass by you can’t help but become more and more bewildered— Hoseok has literally never been late to a session before, and on more than one occasion has happily boasted his early-rising early-arriving tendencies. As though he senses your current unsettled state, Jungkook, from his perch behind the library reception, attempts to mollify your worries by offering some of the donut you’d walked in on him stuffing into his mouth. Touched but also a little grossed out, you smile and refuse, but make sure to thank him. He deflates a little, ears pink and cheeks still full of doughnut he hadn’t gotten to chewing just yet, but nods in understanding— the image is oddly reminiscent of a rabbit or hamster munching away and the thought nearly makes your arteries burst from the sheer cute factor alone.

It’s almost fifteen minutes into the session when Hoseok finally bursts through the doors, looking absolutely exhausted and most definitely worse for wear. He has a fresh set of bags beneath his eyes and from that in combination with the deeply inset frown lines between his brows, you hazard a guess that he’s remained in his Mood ever since your Monday session.

“Nice of you to show up,” you joke as he arrives at the table, your jab perhaps a little in poor taste. What can you say, apparently you’re not that great at interacting with people after all. At the blank look he gives you, you hurry to continue. “Also… are you alright, dude? You kind of look like shit.”

Surprisingly, he cracks the barest hint of a smile at that. Hoseok flops into his seat with a huff, settling for a moment before he goes about pulling his things from his bag. The smile was gone before you could blink, and now he simply looks like a cross between tired and cranky. Tanky? Crired? One of those two, or perhaps neither. Nothing rings quite as well as hangry, except you don’t know if the look you’re registering is hunger or repressed rage of some sort.

“I’ve just had a lot of work to do, that’s all.” He scrubs a hand over his face, raking it through his hair and leaving it sitting oddly atop his head. It kind of looks like a crest, the way he’s managed to make it sit by accident. “I have some big English papers I need to get done and it’s taking a fair while to do them.”

Your eyes rake over his features, taking in the stress and discomfort that seems to be rolling off of him in waves. “I can always help, if you need? You know, that’s kind of what I’m here for—”

“No, I don’t need your help for this,” he snaps, and the coldness of his response visibly takes you aback for a second. He glimpses up and catches the brief expression of hurt on your face, his own shifting into one of regret in response. He lets out a sigh.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, averting his gaze. “I’m just… I want to be able to do this one on my own. Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” you say, voice coming out a little smaller than intended. You attempt a smile, thoughts a bit of a mess while you try and focus on his features for any hint of what he’s thinking. “Was there, uh… was there anything you did need my help with?”

You can tell Hoseok feels terrible for snapping at you, it’s apparent in the remorseful glint hiding in his gaze, but you also gather that he’s a bit too far in his mood to be able to snap out of it on his own at this rate. He seems to be even grumpier than on Monday, and you can only wonder what on earth happened since then to compound his poor mood so much. You’re a little hurt by his behaviour, of course, but to be honest you mostly feel a little bad for him.

Hoseok takes a moment to close his eyes and take a deep breath, before nodding and going to pull out whatever it is that requires your assistance. Once it’s out, the two of you then spend the rest of the session working through it.

Surprisingly, he packs up and darts off before your alarm even goes off at the end of his session, so when Jimin finally arrives its to an empty table and a very confused you. Hoseok had left too quickly for you to really adjust to it, so when Jimin turns to you with big confused eyes seeking an explanation, you don’t really have anything for him. A strange expression crosses Jimin’s features at that, but you don’t get the chance to question him before he plops down and begins talking your ear off about what he wants to go through today.

You just hope that on Friday Hoseok will finally be back to his chipper self and out of this funky mood.

x x x x

Unfortunately for you, it seems the universe is not quite ready to give you a break just yet.

When Hoseok arrives for his session on Friday, the air he carries with him feels so tense and emotionally charged you can almost taste it. You’re kind of really worried— especially since he seems a little crazed with the way he attempts to smile at you despite the angry aura you’re picking up.

“Are you… okay?” Is the first thing to leave your mouth upon seeing him, your brows drawn together in concern.

Hoseok smiles at you but it really looks like he’s just gritting his teeth. Are his eyes watering? Oh, God, is he about to have an emotional breakdown right in front of you?! Holy shit, you’re not qualified for this Oh God—

“I’m fine!” he says, taking his bag off his shoulder and sitting down, almost robotically. Your concern only increases when you watch him bump the tender part of his ankle bone against the chair leg and his jaw clenches even more. You feel like he’s about to explode any minute now and you’re not really sure where to place your feet to avoid the landmine. “I’ve had a fantastic day!”

You wonder if perhaps he’s actually had the opposite but is trying to speak some good luck into existence. That’s fine, you get that. Respect. Still, you’re concerned. “Th... That’s good. How did your English papers go?”

At the mention of the assessments he’d been working on last time, the male’s eye twitches just barely. He attempts to hide it by flashing you a strained smile. It makes him look a little.... unhinged.

“I finished them,” he says, somewhat ominously. “I have another to do, but it’s not due for a while so I haven’t touched it yet.”

“It be like that,” you say, scrambling for how else to fill the conversational gap on your end. Hoseok finally locates the work he needs to do today, and slaps it onto the table a little more forcibly than usual. You flinch, and he sends you an apologetic smile.

The two of you begin work, tension still in the air but thankfully not so much between you. In all honesty, if this is how Hoseok is when he’s cranky at something, there’s no way in hell you ever want to be on the receiving end of it. You wouldn’t be able to breathe— the tension in the air alone would be so suffocating!

You’re so busy trying to maintain a somewhat amicable energy during the session that, not the first time, you completely forget that you have another one scheduled right after with someone who just so happens to be a bit of a trigger for Hoseok, unbeknownst to you. Perhaps the reason you don’t worry about it is because a part of you thinks Hoseok is just going to leave early like last time, and the two of them won’t interact. And you aren’t wrong; that’s exactly what Hoseok plans to do. Except, neither of you are really aware that Jimin is taking measures too.

“Can I write something for this, instead?” Hoseok asks, pointing to a line towards the middle of the set of lyrics. “I feel like this one is a little stiff.”

You nod, pointing to the line above it, “Yeah, just make sure it ties in with the one above it like the original does. I think it flows well when it does that.”

Hoseok nods, taking in your advice, and puts his pencil to paper to begin scribbling out the line he was thinking. It’s still ten minutes before the end of the session, and around five before he intends to flee the scene, so it takes both of you by complete and utter surprise when the library doors suddenly burst open and bang against the wall loudly.

“Hey!” A cry of protest comes from the reception, but the cause of the disturbance is waltzing into the room with something akin to tunnel vision so the flustered receptionist, sadly, goes very much unnoticed. Poor Jungkook.

“Jung!” Jimin bellows, walking in like he’s 6’4 instead of 5’8. “We meet again!”

At the sound of Jimin’s voice, Hoseok shoots so ramrod straight and stiff that for a moment you’re genuinely worried his spine might snap from all the tension in his body. He doesn’t turn around, keeping his back to the approaching male— males, you should say. You didn’t see him at first, but you notice now that Taehyung is trailing into the library behind Jimin at a slower pace. He shoots you a smile that is nothing short of apologetic, and immediately your stomach sinks in dread. Oh no.

To his credit, Hoseok seems intent on ignoring the shorter male, returning his hand to the paper and attempting to continue writing his line. Jimin either doesn’t take notice or doesn’t care. He strides closer and puffs out his chest, announcing dramatically.

“Prepare yourself for battle, fiend!” Jimin then swoops his hand to point at Hoseok, something indecipherable playing in his eyes. “You evaded the breakdance showdown last time, but this time y—”

Hoseok’s grip on the pencil doubles, making the lead tip snap against paper and fly off. You sit, alarmed but unable to make yourself interfere. Oh, God.

Hoseok’s voice is surprisingly calmer than you anticipate when he speaks, but it has a certain bite to it that you’ve never heard or once imagined would come from Hoseok’s mouth. “I’m not dancing with you again, Jimin.”

It’s simple, what he said, and to you seems to have a very superficial meaning— but it seems to have a profound impact on both of them. Jimin recoils, mouth dropping open slightly as his bravado falters and a flash of hurt flickers across his face. You see Taehyung take a step closer, hand hovering slightly extended as though he’s prepared to comfort the shorter male— but why, you wonder? What exactly is the important subtext to this situation that you seem to be missing? You feel incredibly out of the loop, drowning in the tension flooding the air but unable to surface and make yourself stop whatever is happening in its tracks. You just wanted to hold a tutoring session in peace, damn it.

“You’ve danced with me before, hyung.” Jimin’s voice possesses a slight waver, his eyebrows drawn together slightly. You think he’s talking about all the other times Hoseok has partaken in the ridiculous breakdance showdowns they have in between sessions, but for some reason… a part of you feels as though he’s talking about something else. “Why stop all of a sudden?”

You can almost sense the writhing plethora of emotions bubbling just beneath the surface in Hoseok as he straightens, still not looking at the younger male. A cocktail of too many things to name swims in his eyes as he speaks, voice sharp.

“Because I’m not a child, Jimin. Those stupid dance showdowns— they’re childish. When will you stop entertaining impossible dreams like a little kid?”

The absolute hurt that flashes across Jimin’s face makes your heart sink, before it twists into anger and you see his fists clench by his sides. Taehyung takes another step closer to his friend, hand going to his sleeve as he glances between the two males, and you almost expect Jimin to wrench his arm out of his hold in a show of anger, but he keeps it there.

“You think I’m being childish? I’m having fun, hyung. But I guess you forgot how to do that the second you sent in that application, huh.” Jimin seethes, bristling at how Hoseok remains in place, jaw clenched and gaze still averted. “Look at me. Aren’t you ashamed? Or maybe you’re fine— moving on is easy for assholes like you, right?”

At the furious note in Jimin’s command, Hoseok’s head finally jerks over to face him, and the first thing his eyes fall upon is the way Taehyung and Jimin hover close to each other, the taller male’s hand still on Jimin’s arm. This, it seems, is what finally makes Hoseok snap and break. He wrenches from the seat, standing to face the shorter male completely.

“Oh you’d know all about moving on, wouldn’t you?” he spits, slamming his few loose sheets into his bag, uncaring for the condition they end up in. You flinch at the action, watching the mess unfolding before you with wide eyes. “Leaving others in the dirt and moving on like they never meant anything to you in the first place. It’s familiar, right? I guess the people who used to mean something to you don’t matter when you find a shiny, new toy to play with though, do they?”

The shocking amount of venom that drips from his words has both you and the other two males rooted in place in surprise and shock, Taehyung standing with wide eyes behind Jimin— apparently Jimin hadn’t expected the older male to snap like that, and in all honesty you hadn’t either. Almost all of your interactions with Hoseok, save with those this week and a few others, had seen him nothing short of bright, bubbly, and an absolute joy to be around.

The second the words finish leaving his mouth, Hoseok stiffens— you catch sight of a look that crosses his face, resembling something between regret, guilt, and pain. It’s gone as soon as it came and he turns on his heel without another word, leaving you without another opportunity to glance at his features. In the silence that follows his words, his footsteps echo particularly loud, and the three of you are left in a stupor as he leaves the library completely, disappearing out the door and around the corner.

It takes a moment for you to rip your gaze from the doorway, eyes flicking about— it seems you’ve garnered the attention of some of the nearby tables. When they see you’re looking at them, they hastily turn back around and pretend to work. Your eyes flick to the other two males involved in the mess that just went down, and you feel your heart sink to your feet, taking your stomach with it on the way down.

Jimin remains staring at the doorway where Hoseok disappeared, body tense but the fight having left. You think you see his eyes glistening slightly as he jerks out of his stupor and goes to follow Hoseok, but an arm that shoots out to bar his middle prevents him from doing so. Surprised, he jerks to face the owner.

“Don’t,” Taehyung says, voice soft. He looks a little guilty himself, but you have absolutely no idea why. “Let him go. Besides, you need to let off some steam yourself.”

Something in his words manages to get the remaining tension holding Jimin’s muscles hostage to flee, allowing him to sag in place slightly. A slight smile tugs his lips as he looks to Taehyung.

“What do you have in mind this time, more illegal and indecent acts?”

Taehyung snorts, saying something else in response to the shorter male, but you sort of tune out at this point. You’re still in a state of shock, and really… are quite unsure how to proceed, and what to do.

That whole thing that just happened… that wasn’t your fault, was it? You did set Hoseok off into that mood on Monday, but it seems… like whatever just made him go off was something he’d bottled up for a while about some other part of his life. You can only hope it wasn’t your fault. But still, it doesn’t change the fact that right now—

You don’t really have any idea what to do at all.

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{pls let us know what u think!! who do u think is the muse of the poem? who do u think will be endgame?? who do u WANT to be endgame?? let us know!! thank u for reading!!}

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