#and i kept that up for years. its so so freeing and healing to finally go. no im gonna do what makes me happy. damn all your expectations

[fearforthestorm]

my hair is getting long enough now that when I pin the shorter side back it looks like it's all the same length!! <3

[mellosdrawings]

The Princes

Ten years later. When marrying a Prince turns a Queen and a Servant into actual Royalties.

Because Vil deserves a real crown and Jamil deserves to be treated better.

NOW I'M GONNA RANT ABOUT MY CHARA DESIGNS CHOICES AND ALL THE DISCOVERIES I MADE WHILE LOOKING FOR REFS! If you only care about art and funny doodles, you can scroll down for a handful of slices of life.

(Don't worry if you can't read my notes, I'm repeating myself better right under this)

Leona

-Lion: As you may know, one of my grievances with Leona is how his hair doesn't look like an actual mane despite being a lion. While I don't want to stray too far from the canon design with the usual drawings, that's the occasion for me to have some fun with a future version. Give that lion a beard and voluminous hair!

-Hair: First, get those bangs out of his face. Despite Leona being very confident, he still has bangs covering his scarred eye. I wanted him to finally own the aspects of him that may be scary to others (his UM, his scar, etc). I actually went with bangs framing his face similar to the ones he had during his Overblot. I wasn't sure whether to give him dreadlocks or curly hair, but I ended up choosing the free curls decorated with some atebas and braids so that Vil could have more fun styling them.

-Eye: Thanks @aria-faye for the idea, I decided to have his eye gradually lose its capacities with time. From a headcanon that, while the eye wasn't directly touched by whatever attack scarred him, the process of healing still had an impact on it and he gradually lost sight in his left eye years after years.

-Body: Not giving him a dad bod (yet, maybe in another ten years), but definitely giving him more voluminous yet casual muscles. Practical muscles with a healthy dose of fat and tissues. Also giving him two full sleeves of tattoos because I decided he should have much more than just his lion tattoo.

-Clothes: Went full Maasai dressing and Kenyan fabrics and beadworks. If you're not familiar with it, please go check it out, it's GORGEOUS!! Crown is beadwork too. He also has one Arabic styled foot jewellery.

Jamil

-Hair: My first order was to remove his double-faced hairstyle and also remove his bangs from his eye. Make him confident enough to show his whole face. Unlike Leona and Vil, he doesn't really want a crown though (he still feels weird about becoming royalty) so instead he uses a braid as crown. Also gave him a little goatee because I like facial hair and Jafar has a beard too.

-Body: He grew up! While he didn't quite catch up with Leona and Vil, he is now closer to their sizes than before, sitting at around 180cm. He kept his breakdancer/martial artist lean muscles but developed a bit of shoulders.

-Clothes: Went full Arabic dressing and fabrics (once more, go check the fabrics, they are pieces of arts). I gave him floral motifs instead of his usual fire/snake motifs (though he does have a snake earring and a fangs necklace) to symbolise his rebirth/blooming. Like Leona, he has one piece of jewellery that is beadwork.

Vil

-Hair: Here it was a bit tricky. Considering Vil's work, he likely changes hairstyles a lot, going from long to short for his roles instead of his wants. So I leaned into the little things he could add to his hair despite their constant changes, mostly jewelleries, beadworks and wool decorations he stole from his husbands. He also cares a bit less about them looking perfect and is allowing himself to be more natural. He doesn't have any facial hair (yet), keeping a youthful appearance for as long as he can. In another ten years though, he might start looking more and more like his father, beard included.

-Clothes: For Leona and Jamil's mental states, the three of them most likely started living in Sunset Savanna so they wouldn't freeze to death. Vil is well traveled so he can handle most temperatures without trouble, and he is used to dressing up in the local get ups. Here I decided to give him both African dress and Arabic fabric, and likewise both beadwork and golden jewellery. I gave him crown and heart motifs so he can keep being himself despite borrowing a lot from his husbands.

There, I'm done rambling. Here's some doodles, followed by some random headcanons.

-Vil does his husbands hair every morning and keeps giving them more and more intricate hairstyles. He developed a whole haircare and beard-care products set for them.

-When Vil is away for a movie, Jamil keeps his hair mostly down save for a few accessories.

-Jamil and Falena get along surprisingly well (to Leona's despair). Vil gets along very well with Falena's wife.

-Jamil acts as a Scalding Sands ambassador and still is the one to care for Kalim when he comes to visit, though this time he's doing it because he wants to and not because he has to.

-Vil got used to his new title immediately but Jamil struggles with it a lot. He still has a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he is no longer a servant.

-The servants at the palace love Jamil because he always makes their job easier.

-Leona finally decided to put his wits to good use and became Falena's advisor. He still fights a lot with Kifaji about the direction to take with the country, but he managed to make some of his ideas heard to help with the staggering inequalities in the country.

That's all for now!

[ai-manre]

The women in asoiaf and their desire to find safety, to make safety, in a world that doesn't empower them to keep themselves safe, in a world oh so cruel to women. In a world that tells them its the men's job to keep them safe.

When she was done, Drogo was frowning. "This is the way of war. These women are our slaves now, to do with as we please."

"It pleases me to hold them safe," Dany said, wondering if she had dared too much. "If your warriors would mount these women, let them take them gently and keep them for wives. Give them places in the khalasar and let them bear you sons." - Dany VII, AGOT

"The time for that is past, my lady," Mirri said. "All I can do now is ease the dark road before him, so he might ride painless to the night lands. He will be gone by morning."

Her words were a knife through Dany's breast. What had she ever done to make the gods so cruel? She had finally found a safe place, had finally tasted love and hope. She was finally going home. And now to lose it all … "No," she pleaded. "Save him, and I will free you, I swear it. You must know a way … some magic, some …" - Dany VIII, AGOT

Again the shouting began. Catelyn sat despairing. She had come so close, she thought. They had almost listened, almost … but the moment was gone. There would be no peace, no chance to heal, no safety. - Catelyn XI, AGOT

Sometimes men went to sleep safe in their beds and were found dead in the morning, all burnt up. Arya didn't really believe that, and anyhow it had all happened a long time ago. Hot Pie was being silly; it wouldn't be ghosts at Harrenhal, it would be knights. Arya could reveal herself to Lady Whent, and the knights would escort her home and keep her safe. That was what knights did; they kept you safe, especially women. Maybe Lady Whent would even help the crying girl. - Arya IV, ACOK

She flew along the river walk, past the small kitchen, and through the pig yard, her hurried footsteps lost beneath the squealing of the hogs in their pens. Home, she thought, home, he is going to take me home, he'll keep me safe, my Florian. The songs about Florian and Jonquil were her very favorites. Florian was homely too, though not so old. - Sansa II, ACOK

He was going to take me home, she thought as they dug the old man's hole. There were too many dead to bury them all, but Yoren at least must have a grave, Arya had insisted. He was going to bring me safe to Winterfell, he promised. Part of her wanted to cry. The other part wanted to kick him. - Arya V, ACOK

"I could keep you safe," he rasped. "They're all afraid of me. No one would hurt you again, or I'd kill them." He yanked her closer, and for a moment she thought he meant to kiss her. He was too strong to fight. She closed her eyes, wanting it to be over, but nothing happened. "Still can't bear to look, can you?" she heard him say. He gave her arm a hard wrench, pulling her around and shoving her down onto the bed. "I'll have that song. Florian and Jonquil, you said." His dagger was out, poised at her throat. "Sing, little bird. Sing for your little life." - Sansa VII, ACOK

"I never knew my mother," Brienne said. "My father had ladies . . . a different lady every year, but . . ."

"Those were no ladies," Catelyn said. "As hard as birth can be, Brienne, what comes after is even harder. At times I feel as though I am being torn apart. Would that there were five of me, one for each child, so I might keep them all safe."

"And who would keep you safe, my lady?"

Her smile was wan and tired. "Why, the men of my House. Or so my lady mother taught me. My lord father, my brother, my uncle, my husband, they will keep me safe . . . but while they are away from me, I suppose you must fill their place, Brienne."- Catelyn VI, ACOK

"I am sorry for all the trouble I put you to," she said, "but I have no need of boats and ships now."

"But it's all to see you safe."

"I will be safe in Highgarden. Willas will keep me safe." - Sansa II, ASOS

"We thank you for your hospitality, my lord," Robb replied. Edmure echoed him, along with the Greatjon, Ser Marq Piper, and the others. They drank his wine and ate his bread and butter. Catelyn tasted the wine and nibbled at some bread, and felt much the better for it. Now we should be safe, she thought. - Catelyn VI, ASOS

I was going to take you home! Her dragons sensed her fury. Viserion roared, and smoke rose grey from his snout. Drogon beat the air with black wings, and Rhaegal twisted his head back and belched flame. I should say the word and burn the two of them. Was there no one she could trust, no one to keep her safe? "Are all the knights of Westeros so false as you two? Get out, before my dragons roast you both. What does roast liar smell like? As foul as Brown Ben's sewers? Go!" - Dany V, ASOS

"The only game. The game of thrones." He brushed back a strand of her hair. "You are old enough to know that your mother and I were more than friends. There was a time when Cat was all I wanted in this world. I dared to dream of the life we might make and the children she would give me . . . but she was a daughter of Riverrun, and Hoster Tully. Family, Duty, Honor, Sansa. Family, Duty, Honor meant I could never have her hand. But she gave me something finer, a gift a woman can give but once. How could I turn my back upon her daughter? In a better world, you might have been mine, not Eddard Stark's. My loyal loving daughter . . . Put Joffrey from your mind, sweetling. Dontos, Tyrion, all of them. They will never trouble you again. You are safe now, that's all that matters. You are safe with me, and sailing home." - Sansa V, ASOS

And there was one girl who took to following her, the village elder's daughter. She was of an age with Arya, but just a child; she cried if she skinned a knee, and carried a stupid cloth doll with her everywhere she went. The doll was made up to look like a man-at-arms, sort of, so the girl called him Ser Soldier and bragged how he kept her safe. "Go away," Arya told her half a hundred times. "Just leave me be." She wouldn't, though, so finally Arya took the doll away from her, ripped it open, and pulled the rag stuffing out of its belly with a finger. "Now he really looks like a soldier!" she said, before she threw the doll in a brook. After that the girl stopped pestering her, and Arya spent her days grooming Craven and Stranger or walking in the woods. Sometimes she would find a stick and practice her needlework, but then she would remember what had happened at the Twins and smash it against a tree until it broke. - Arya XII, ASOS

She thought wistfully of Highgarden with its courtyards and musicians, and the pleasure barges on the Mander; a far cry from this bleak shore. At least I am safe here. Joffrey is dead, he cannot hurt me anymore, and I am only a bastard girl now. Alayne Stone has no husband and no claim. And her aunt would soon be here as well. The long nightmare of King's Landing was behind her, and her mockery of a marriage as well. She could make herself a new home here, just as Petyr said. - Sansa VI, ASOS

Arya did not like the way they kept surprising her. The hooded man was tall, enveloped in a larger version of the black-and-white robe the girl was wearing. Beneath his cowl all she could see was the faint red glitter of candlelight reflecting off his eyes. "What place is this?" she asked him.

"A place of peace." His voice was gentle. "You are safe here. This is the House of Black and White, my child. Though you are young to seek the favor of the Many-Faced God." - Arya I, AFFC

And Littlefinger was no friend of hers. When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. Littlefinger never lifted so much as his little finger for her. - Sansa I, AFFC

"As he loved you." Dany stroked the girl's hair. "Say the word, my sweet, and I will send you from this awful place. I will find a ship somehow and send you home. To Naath."

"I would sooner stay with you. On Naath I'd be afraid. What if the slavers came again? I feel safe when I'm with you."

Safe. The word made Dany's eyes fill up with tears. "I want to keep you safe." Missandei was only a child. With her, she felt as if she could be a child too. "No one ever kept me safe when I was little. Well, Ser Willem did, but then he died, and Viserys … I want to protect you but … it is so hard. To be strong. I don't always know what I should do. I must know, though. I am all they have. I am the queen … the … the …" - Dany II, ADWD

Arya's struggle to find a safe place and slowly losing hope over the course of her journey of ever being safe, being unable to trust safety, disbelieving of the very idea that she would be safe.

Sansa's many suitors dangling her safety as a bait to lure her in, her hedging hope after hope on each of them to give her some safety.

Dany who is so desperately yearning for a safe place and person ALL HER LIFE, who has never been kept safe and wants so badly to keep others safe the way she should have been.

Catelyn who'd played by all the rules her society had taught her, every single rule to try to create safety, yet to be betrayed so horribly.

The unsaid promise, the social contract that women should not take up arms and in return they would be protected and kept safe by those around them. They kept their end of the bargain so well, been such good girls and women, and what do they get? That social contract broken in so many ways for all these women.

There is no reward for being a girl, no matter how many promises they make you.

[nethhiri]

Marooned: Chapter 35

Kid x FemReader x Killer

Warnings: violence

Origins

Killer was right about a fuck coma. You slept for the entire rest of the day, until the next morning. Killer had helped you take a bath, getting in himself, though quickly regretting it when he kept having to hold your wrists. He gave you an inch, several actually, and you wanted a mile. He insisted you couldn't take any more after that afternoon, to which you replied by healing yourself completely. He muttered something about being just like Kid and finally convinced you that you needed to take a nap. 

The light coming in through the window made you squint. How long did I sleep? You stretched and groaned. At the foot of Killer's bed, Minerva made a short squeal in greeting. Killer let her sleep here? Your heart squeezed. Pushing yourself up, you noticed that he had also gotten clothes for you, which were neatly folded on the bed. This was so strange. You were unaccustomed to people doing nice things for you of their own will. When you were a captain, you could just tell them to do something for you. 

You came out on deck with your signature coat, having appropriately mended and cleaned it. The sun on your face tickled your cheeks and the wind tugged gently at free strands of hair. You took a moment to enjoy the view, the flat blue horizon, scratching Mini's ear as you did so. You used to have a tri-cornered hat with a feather in it that made you look quite distinguished. It would be perfect to put on now if you still had it. The time between when you left the marines and when you were caught by them were your freest, doing whatever you wanted. It was chaotic, the exact thing you had left your home island for, but perhaps that made you feel some connection to your old home. Maybe you missed the chaos. 

You leaned on the banister, looking down at the water. The waves broke up your reflection as the vessel cut through the water. From this view, you could pretend you were still on Fate's Wraith. It's not like you didn't like it here, it was different though. You weren't the captain here. In some respects it was nice, no responsibilities. On the other hand, you couldn't act as you wanted. You still kind of did, but It helped that the captain's dick had a soft spot for you...hard spot? 

Sighing, you thought about what might have been if nothing had happened to you. Would you have run into the Kid Pirates? What would have happened then? Would you still be hunting marines? Would you have killed Van Kossa and Warthin by now? Would you even still be alive? Maybe your crew would have betrayed you for the highest price no matter who it would have been. If the Kid Pirates fully assimilated you into their crew, would you still dwell on the past? Could you ever let it go? Not until those bastards are dead. 

You woke up in a good mood, a great mood even. Why were you being so nostalgic? It was self-sabotage to make yourself upset with old memories. As a kid, you ran the streets under the guise of being a boy, it was safer that way, begging at first, stealing later. In your teen years, you hung around a rough crowd of girls, unable to hide behind short hair anymore. You protected each other from being sold to slavers and fleshtraders, not always successfully. Soon you were the last one left. The others had either left or were killed. You thought about staying, joining another of the gangs that ran the streets. In the end, you watched a girl a bit younger than you be slaughtered by the gang with the most power at the time. That's when you made your decision to get as far away from there as possible, joining the marines, the opposite of that chaos, the good guys. So much for that. 

Thinking of your younger years and your home island conjured up the words to an old song. The world knew it, although every island had its own variations of the verses. The one on your island was fitting for an island dedicated to crime. You hummed the tune as you stared down into the sea, switching to softly singing the words to yourself when it was time for the verse:

Gather up all of the crew, it's time to steal all Binks' brew. We will go, to where, who knows? The loot will be our guide. Robbed behind the tavern's side. Thieves and bandits far and wide. Whores they sing, of lustful things to pirates passing by.

"Where'd ya learn that?" Something about it itched Kid's mind. 

You jumped, not noticing before that Kid had come up beside you. "Sorry. M'not a good singer." 

"Aye. Stick to yer day job."

The man was honest, no doubt about that. "And what is my day job?" You continued staring forward, fixated on the ocean.

Kid looked at you from the corner of his eye. You were looking at the sea with such a mournful gaze. The softness of your features in the mid-morning sun was new to him. Maybe you knew it, or maybe you didn't, you were always guarded. In truth, in your most vulnerable states, Kid still had trouble completely reading you. He could see you with clarity in this moment, a creature of pure melancholy. There was a part of him that wanted to grab the back of your shirt, considering your demeanor was that of someone who wanted to disappear into the waves. You were so lost.

Kid had been drawn to stand next to you in the first place because he saw you watching the ocean, hair reflecting the sun, coat billowing out behind you, and thought that must be how you looked on your own ship some time ago. He thought you would have the fiery gaze he was accustomed to seeing and was taken aback when your face showed the opposite. He would have retreated, except he was pinned in place when he heard the words that you sang to yourself. 

"Yer the doctor of the Kid Pirates." Kid's hand wavered over your shoulder, before lightly cuffing the back of your head. "Don't be stupid." Kid wasn't good at this kind of thing. He wanted to put a hand on your shoulder as a measure of comfort. Thinking it would be odd coming from him, he changed his mind. What he really wanted to do was pull you into his chest and make you forget about the past.

The two of you stayed there for a minute or two in silence. Kid thought he could see the ghost of a smile on your face, a little less lost.

You turned away from him. "I'll be in the crow's nest." 

So soft he could barely hear it, a "Thanks, Kid" came from your direction as you walked away. It may have been the wind, which seemed like it was picking up.

About an hour or two into your watch, it started pouring rain. Not the best of times to volunteer for this job, though you needed time to yourself. The strong wind had it pelting you, so not only was it cold, it sort of hurt, too, like a hundred little projectiles. Kid knew what he was saying, you don't know if he appropriately thought it through or discussed it with anyone else, but he meant it. You could tell because he immediately followed it with something rude, to balance it out. While the rain hid the fact your cheeks had been streaked with tears, it couldn't hide the red stain around the rim of your eyes. You weren't even entirely sure why you were crying. Probably many reasons, all coming out at once. You had felt better afterward. The emotions had been pent up for some time, it seemed. The harsh rain drops and tumultuous sea mirrored you in a way. 

The fabric of your clothes clung to you, cold and wet. Your hair, though weighed down with water, kept whipping you about the face in the strong wind. The boat's rocking was accentuated by the fact you were farther from the center of rotation up in the air. You kept your station, eyes fixated on the horizon on all sides. There were rocky outcroppings ahead, with enough space for a ship to pass through. It didn't sit right with you. You knew that there would be something waiting in the middle. It was only a hunch, no observation haki to back it up. Call it experience. It appeared that you intended to sail right through it if you didn't say something. 

You climbed about halfway down the mast and jumped the rest of the way to the deck. Yelling from the nest would do no good with the wind howling as it was. The sails had been drawn up, so the wind didn't rip them, or worse, bring the mast down. The waves pushed the ship forward even without the sails. You found Wire at the helm with Killer beside him. 

"Hi, Y/N. Why aren't you at your post?" Killer noticed the redness to your eyes. Now wasn't the time to comment on it.

"I don't think we should continue on this course."

Wire acknowledged you with a nod. "Why not?"

"I can't say for sure. Something isn't right."

"We can take shelter from the wind behind the rocks." 

You shook your head. "This stretch is known for bad weather, but it's short. We can sail right through it in another hour." Your eyebrows knit together. "I think they want us to shelter there." You looked at Killer, trying to convince him. 

"We'll only stop until the wind lets up." Killer looked at Wire. "Storms like this don't last long. I can't sense anything ahead that's suspicious."

You looked at Killer, disappointed that they trusted you enough to follow the map you drew, but not enough to take this advice. Maybe you were overreacting and it was nothing. The feeling in your gut told you otherwise. You couldn't argue more without a solid reason. You were doing your best to fall in line, especially with the olive branch Kid extended to you earlier. You gave him a short nod of understanding, though repeating, "I really have a bad feeling." Sometimes trusting your gut trumped observation haki, but you did trust Killer. 

You returned to your spot in the crow's nest, not before grabbing a rifle and a few explosives. If things turned sour, you wanted to be prepared. Using your power, you merged the rifle's bullets with the explosives. It would either blow up in your face or work as intended, exploding bullets. Your gunblade wasn't as good with long range shots, and neither were you. Actually, they probably shouldn't have let your visually impaired ass in the crow's nest to begin with. Minerva stood vigilantly at the base of the mast, as you asked her to. 

In a shorter amount of time than you would have liked, the ship approached the gap in the outcroppings. The water between them was calm, as Wire expected. There weren't any ships there that you could see. You learned a while back that there were a series of metal rudders that Kid could control to stabilize or guide the ship through rough water. It couldn't propel them forward, yet; he was working on that. He must have been using these somewhere to make sure they didn't get smashed into the rocks. 

There were no sounds, save for the echoing of rainwater dripping through cracks in the stone and the roaring waves. There was something else, quieter. Chains? The roar made it hard to hear anything at all. All at once, harpoons were fired from the rock walls, from inside the rock walls. That's why you couldn't see anything. They were huge, made to keep ships trapped in place or be torn apart trying to flee. It happened too quickly for Kid to manipulate them with his fruit, though shortly after, you could see the crackling purple energy that belonged to him try to pull the hooks out without causing too much damage. It was not a fast process. If he pulled them out too roughly, there would be huge holes in the hull. 

Ropes fell from openings too, pirates sliding down and landing on deck. You could see Heat burning through them if he was in range, causing the pirates to either fall into the sea or hastily retreat back into the rock. The canons barely made a dent in the walls. The harpoon guns were anchored to the rocks on the inside. When Kid pulled one out, another was quickly in its place. The next one he pulled, you took aim at the harpoon gun that corresponded to it, praying you wouldn't explode. What a time to test a stupid idea. You pulled the trigger. You didn't explode, but you missed. There was a small explosion in the rock next to the harpoon, which startled the person manning it enough that they didn't reload. That gave you time to shoot again, this time hitting the base of the harpoon gun. The resulting explosion loosened the rock beneath it, and the gun fell into the water. No damage was done to the ship since the harpoon connected to it had already been removed by Kid. 

There were three on each side. One was taken out. Five were left. You only had 2 more explosive bullets. Kid looked up at you and pointed to the middle one on the same side. You gave him a thumbs up. Aiming carefully, you waited until Kid freed the hook and shot, repeating this process for the last harpoon on that side. One side of the ship was released, causing it to drift closer to the other side where it was still attached. Kid pointed to the next one, but looked away before waiting for your thumbs up. There was no way to let him know you didn't have any more special bullets. You could just shoot the operator, however another would take their place, and you didn't even have enough regular bullets for everyone. 

Without Kid focusing on the metal rudders and the loss of the chains on the one side, the ship was rocking more freely. It was hard to see, but the rock face had a narrow path carved into it so people could walk back and forth between stations. You were a bit higher than the shelf. The ship's rocking brought the crow's nest close enough that you could make the jump. There wasn't time to decide if that would be wise, Kid was already working the harpoon out and expecting you to take care of it. If Kid didn't get his full attention back to the rudders, they were going to be smashed against the rock when they tried to get out of there.

You waited until the mast rocked toward the rock face, at the last second using the momentum to make the leap. The rocks were much more slippery than you anticipated and you landed hard into the stone. But you landed. The enemy stared at you open-mouthed, very obviously not expecting anyone to try something like that. Using their stupor, you rushed them and shoved them over the edge. Then you were about to use your power to dislodge the harpoon, when you had a better idea. Quickly, before anyone could get to you, you reloaded the harpoon and aimed it at the next one. The resulting shot caused the ground underneath the middle harpoon to crumble. That's when you realized mistake number one: now you would have to jump across to the next portion. Almost immediately after that, you realized mistake number two: since the harpoon was connected to the one that fell, it was suddenly jerked into the water also, and you felt the ground start to give under your feet. 

Kid looked at the crow's nest to signal you and you weren't there. He looked on deck, thinking you had fallen or jumped. His eyes darted around to find you. Then, the loud rumble of falling rock caused him to look up, and watch you realize your fuck up in real time.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE THINKING?!"

Killer, who had been covering Kid, looked where his captain was looking. "What the fuck?!"

You hauled ass to get to the other side of the gap, jumping at nearly the last second. Drawing your weapon, you jammed the blade into the rock, knowing you didn't jump quite far enough to make it. You clung to the edge and made an attempt to pull yourself up. One of Big Mom's pirates saw you, walking towards you with bad intentions. You should have been scared or anxious or any number of other feelings. In spite of that, you were having fun. A lot of fun really. 

"Watch out!" You warned.

The pirate paused. "For what?" 

"There's a big spike right below you."

He looked down, the flat rock below him. "Nice try." It was glowing strangely. "Wha-?" A spike of rock shot up, impaling him. 

"Told ya." You pulled yourself up the rest of the way and skirted around the dead man.

There was one more harpoon. The Victoria Punk strained against the last hook and Kid was already working to free it. As soon as it was released, the ship surged forward. There was no reason to get rid of the last gun. Though now you were realizing you had no plan to get back on the ship, and it was moving away. It was within jumping distance. Landing distance was a different story. You supposed you could fix your shattered ankles. You saw the chain to the harpoon and used your power to turn sever and shrink the links. If you had more time, you could have formed a better plan, but for now you wrapped the chain around your torso. You stood at the edge of the rock. Finding Kid's face, you pointed to a place in the air. It took him a second to understand, but you saw him give you a thumbs up. This was probably gonna hurt, maybe less than shattered ankles though. You backed up to give yourself a running start, aiming yourself for the spot you pointed to. The metal was heavy as you leapt toward the ship and you fell fast. You didn't care that it was reckless. The wind against you made you wonder if that's what it was like to fly. And the pouring rain made it nearly seem like you were swimming, something you had forgotten how it felt. It was...freeing.

There was a harsh tug, your vision filled with violet, but it didn't hurt nearly as bad as you thought it would as Kid caught you with his devil fruit. You thought the chains would dig into you. Kid had enough finesse and practice to make it smoother you figured. Even better. Your plan was excellent, if only in hindsight. You didn't register you were laughing, flat on your back on the deck. It took a second to reorient yourself, a bit dizzy from jumping, though it was more like free falling. There were several faces above you, one of them very red and very loud. Oh I'm being yelled at.

Crack! The sound of splintering wood acutely grounded you, as the mast leaned toward the deck, specifically toward where you lay. 

Next Chapter

[stomach-bugg09]

loved your recent with fali and y/n…maybe something where they get caught intensely kissing by jake and neytiri😫 i feel like y/n is very similar to neytiri so she likes to be sarcastic and teasing towards fali (lowk bullying him BUT IN AN ENDEARING WAY) :)) and he just soaks it up.

summary: jake a neytiri walk in on [y/n] and fali during a very intimate moment, and [y/n] doesn’t pass the opportunity up to tease fali.

a/n: AHH !! THIS WAS SO CUTE !! I WANNA CRY I LOVE THEM I LOVE THIS !! okay thank you so much for requesting this, you have fed the fluff and adorable necessity inside my soul. feedback + reblogs are always appreciated !!

tags: @pinkhotdogsfr @wxnderingthoughts @bonnibuckets @hjshshjkhklhkl @liyahsocorro

warnings: so cute, so very cute, neytiri and jake walking in on a makeout session, [y/n] feeling comfy enough to be a lil jokester, couple goals, family goals, just goals in general, adorable, crying because it’s cute, neytiri and jake joking about being “safe” iykwim, the cheesiest final sentence ever, i think that’s it tbh

red handed

things were moving fast. too fast. and yet, [y/n] couldn’t get enough. she couldn’t keep her hands off of him, and he couldn’t keep himself away from her. fali couldn’t even bring himself to take his eyes off of her. she was far too beautiful.

the sand was hot. as [y/n]’s lips roamed his body—his mouth, his neck, his chest—she could feel his cold hands holding onto her hips. fali’s grip was tight, unmoving. he couldn’t get enough of her.

fali was sat up against a rock, its jagged edges digging into his skin. it was worth it, though. on top of him sat [y/n], her legs straddling his lower body. as he held her in place, her soft hands cradled his head, pressing their faces together.

besides the sound of the ocean crashing against the other side of the rock they were hidden behind, all fali could hear was his heart beat. it took over his senses, kept his awareness heightened at every moment.

it’d just been moments before. moments before when the two walked the beach alongside the children, laughing as ao’nung challenged lo’ak to a race. neteyam balanced tuk on his shoulders, jumping into the waves as their laughter echoed for miles. tsireya and kiri watched lo’ak and ao’nung, their heads shaking in disappointment, but even they could not hide their laughter and amusement.

fali and [y/n]’d been holding hands as they strolled, feet sinking into the wet sand. [y/n] was running her thumb up and down along the backside of her lover’s hand, feeling his scars and scabs from the years of war and training. she couldn’t help but find them beautiful—marks that each had their own unique story.

as she felt over his skin, [y/n] couldn’t help but let her gaze travel. she looked up his arm, eyes scanning his muscular biceps, a smirk surfacing onto her lips as she thought about just hours before when those same arms held her throughout the night.

eventually, her stare reached his broad shoulders. they were built and extremely strong. she barely even thought before her free hand was reaching out, softly brushing overtop his skin, pointer tracing the marks that’d once been cuts. [y/n] barely even noticed as they slowed their walking to a stop.

silence consumed them as fali turned, staring at her gorgeous face as she was occupied with feeling every scar on his body. he inhaled sharply as she trailed up his neck, outlining his jawline.

a thumb gently brushed over the stripe of healed flesh that scarred the right side of her face. he closed his eyes, sinking into her hand’s warmth.

[y/n] didn’t dare move her palm from where it carefully braced his head, but she let her thumb travel the slightest bit, stroking the dip between his nose and cheek. when he opened his eyes again, a soft smile graced her lips.

[y/n] let herself untangle her other hand’s fingers from the grasp of fali, bringing it upwards and towards his face, mirroring the same actions just on the opposite cheek.

fali stood, staring at her with eyes that held absolute awe and wonder for how he was able to win enough of eywa’s favor to bless him with her. it was when her leaned in to kiss her that the yearning—the necessity to touch her, to kiss her—began.

she held his face, he held her hips. their lips were fit to perfection, as if they were made to be together. and they most definitely were. when fali’s hand began to trail up her back… well, [y/n] broke the kiss, dragging him behind her as they resumed behind the rock.

and now, they sat there breathlessly in love. and she would not have it any other way. plus, it kept the kids from witnessing it. ( but, come on, let’s be real—tsireya and kiri definitely watched the entire thing unfold and as soon as they disappeared, they ran to tell everyone. )

the couple was so wrapped up in their adoration, their love, for each other, [y/n] thought to herself, nothing could ruin this. apparently, eywa took this as a challenge.

because, just as [y/n] broke the kiss with a smile, attempting to catch her breath, her ears flicked at the sound of a familiar, “tsk tsk.” fali’s mortified eyes immediately sent her turning around. the two figures that stood behind them made her heart drop.

“mom.” her voice was quiet, a hiss evident in her voice as she cringed at the situation. “dad.” that one sent fali over the edge of embarrassment. not only were they caught kissing very intimately, but they were caught by his girlfriend’s parents. could it get any worse? ( yes. )

“good evening, child.” at her mother’s smirk, [y/n] shook her head and turned back to look at fali. with a huff of air, she pushed herself up, standing up from where she previously sat on top of him. oh, eywa.

jake cleared his throat, fighting the teasing smile on his face. a few months ago, yeah, he would have been pissed. but, after countless events in which fali had not only saved the lives of his children, but also kept his oldest daughter happy, he didn’t mind the two. in fact, he completely encouraged the relationship. it was… cute. “looks like you two had fun.”

“please leave.” [y/n] held her face in her hands, now sat down with her legs crossed right next to fali. he remained silent, unable to speak as his face was far too indigo and heart far too fast.

neytiri laughed at her daughter, a joyful smile taking control of her features. she, like jake, was a full supporter of [y/n] and fali. not only was he kind, respectful, but he was an amplifier of her daughter’s abilities. neytiri’s favorite version of [y/n] was the version where she was not only happy, but strong. a strong woman meant strong babies, and strong babies meant a strong future.

“you aren’t doing anything… unsafe, are you?”

“mom!” [y/n] groaned, dropping her chin to her chest in embarrassment. a few beats of silence and then, “we would never do it on the beach.”

fali’s eyes widened at that as both parents barked laughter. their faces were full of shock—never had their daughter so much… character! it was now fali’s turn to cover his face with his hands, but no amount of coverage could hide the blush the crept down his neck.

“but,” [y/n] sighed, smiling at fali’s embarrassment ( mission accomplished ). “if you must know, we were merely kissing—”

“that’s more than just kissing,” her father pointed out. fali wanted to dig a hole in the sand to die in.

[y/n] waved her hand in dismissal. “more than just kissing, not enough to be considered anything else.” she smacked fali with her tail. “wouldn’t you say?”

“i hate you.”

the trio of sullys burst into laughter. “oh, you are too sensitive, fali. if you can’t handle the idea of our intimacy being public, how ever will we announce the day in which we are officially mated?”

“oh my eywa,” fali groaned, amusement and distress evident in his eyes once he finally uncovered them. “i am leaving.”

just as he attempted to stand up, [y/n] whined. “no! do not leave.” he jokingly huffed as he sat back down on the sand. “now you two,” she said, turning back to her parents. “you two are more than dismissed. you ruined a perfectly fine kiss.”

neytiri gave her a look. “kiss?”

“—ing session. kissing session. is that better?”

the sully parents only laughed, turning around to walk away. but, just before they could get too far, neytiri turned back around and loudly whispered, “stay safe. i do not need a grandchild.”

“goodbye, mother!”

as her parents walked away in the distance, [y/n] settled a smile on her face. she turned to fali, her hand grabbing his ear teasingly.

“hey!” he defied, exasperated with her antics. “what is with you today? you are… you are like a child!” fali could not wipe the amused smile off of his lips.

[y/n]’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “i am the child? you are funny for that, fali.” she let go of his ear, but not before smacking him on the head. “you are the one who is scared of my parents.”

“your dad could have beat me up.”

“see, that is a childish fear.”

he laughed, grabbing the girl right above the hips, fingers digging into her ticklish spots. she burst into laughter as they rolled around on the sand.

“you are the child!” they alternated the declaration, words loud but laughter even louder. but, perhaps the loudest of it all was the love they had for each other.

[dark-elf-writes]

Song Shuffle Challenge

This is entirely @musicfeedsmysoul12’s fault as I haven’t even thought of one of these for years but it looked like fun so here I am.

Labour - Paris Paloma

Inko’s hands shook as she zipped up Izuku’s bag. Nothing more than his diaper bag. A scant few changes of clothes and his most beloved toys packed safely inside.

It looked innocent. It had to.

Hisashi couldn’t know. Couldn’t suspect.

Some animal part of her tucked deep inside bleated with fear as she scooped up her son and settled him on her hip. He smiled at her in that sweet way of his and offered her a damp All Might plush.

They would have nothing. Have nowhere to hide. Nowhere that would be out of his reach.

She had found the proof, tucked deep in his belongings. The messages between him and the doctor. The horrible plans that would consume all of Japan if left unchecked. A kingpin. A boogeyman. The nightmare that had haunted the country for two hundred years.

The plan had been formulated over days. Had come together in bits and pieces all while she hid behind smiles she gave everything to feel real.

She had been so young when she had sold her soul to the devil himself. She would die before she would watch him shatter their son in those blood drenched hands.

So now she would run and keep running until they were far far from here.

Someone To You - Acoustic - BANNERS

Izuku leaned against the doorframe and watched their friends bicker from where they had spread out around Tenya’s dorm.

(“If I wanted All Might staring at me while I did my homework, Zuku, I’d do it in class!”)

They had never thought they would have this. Never thought that useless quirkless Deku could have this. Friends who loved him. Friends who cared.

One for All pressed against the inside of their skin, scratching its way along their changing joints and over breaks healed over and over again. The ache of it was familiar. Comforting even, in the knowledge that they would do it all again. Would shatter themself over and over for the people who now looked back at them and smiled.

For them they would do anything.

Happier Than Ever- Billie Eilish

It had been three days, twelve Hours, and fifteen minutes after when Izuku laughed for the first time.

Bright. Free. Unafraid.

They had frozen at the sound. Had seen their friends freeze and look at them with such wonder like they had forgotten the sound. Just like Izuku had.

Their phone buzzed with an incoming call.

Happy. They were happy. When was the last time they had felt this?

Their phone buzzed away.

They had been keeping up a facade for so long they had confused it for their own face. Had smiled through every party they had attended alone. Through every interview where Kacchan had spoken over them. Through every drunk call where they had begged him to come home safe and been ignored.

Their phone buzzed.

Izuku reached out and ignored the call.

Saviour II - Black Veil Brides

It was the phantom hand on their shoulder that kept them from crumbling. Kept their smile from faltering in the slightest even with the agony lancing up their arms.

They had been molded for this. Had been born for this perhaps.

A successor for a symbol. An idea to step into the shoes of another. Everything they were and could have been stopped back to a beaming smile and the quirk that pounded through them.

Still they held their head high. Kept their smile firmly in place.

They had been molded into this. By him. For them all.

So they would smile and they would give all they had to save as many people as they could. Even if it killed them.

Boyfriend - Dove Cameron

A hand appeared in Izuku’s vision, drawing their eyes away from their phone. Drawing their hand away from it too as they were tugged up from their seat and into a secluded corner away from the eyes and dancing.

A familiar smile greeted them when they had finally broken out of their shock to look up. Sharp edged. Full of heat and promise.

“Come home with me,” Shinsou Hitoshi didn’t ask. Wouldn’t ask something like this. Wouldn’t leave even the slightest possibility of this not being Izuku’s choice.

A gentleman… of a sort.

“Kacchan—,”

“He treats you like shit.”

Well, no one had ever accused Hitoshi of being one to mince words.

Izuku should pull away. Should argue. But… couldn’t find it in themself to. Couldn’t even find the will to pull their wrist back from Hitoshi’s loose grip.

He saw it. Of course he did. That smile ducked closer as Hitoshi leaned in to whisper in their ear. “Let me treat you better, Zuku. Let me bring you flowers and do all the couple shit that he hates. Let me stand next to you for all these galas so you’re not left alone.”

Izuku should pull away.

They felt that smile press against their ear. Heard it in Hitoshi’s voice. “My wardrobe is better than his.”

They laughed and didn’t pull away.

[peachjagiya]

I hope you don’t take offense to what I am about to say cuz i’ll speak freely. I think the issue here is, so many taekookers kept talking about how much Jungkook didn’t want to do the show and even went as far as claiming that he was forced to do this show no matter how much Jungkook verbally proclaimed how much fun he was having and how he loved the show. Let’s also be serious here, does anyone really believe that Jungkook would have continued shooting in other locations if he hated the first experience in NY? Before someone comes up with the contract excuse, I need to remind everyone that this show was never the company’s idea. It was Jimin who thought of it, told Jungkook about it and then pushed at the level of the company to make it happen. I had never gotten chance to watch ITS friendcation with Tae because honestly I am more a music fan and their variety shows or other healing shows kinda bore me but I recently watched Friendcation and it was Tae too who wanted to film the show with his wooga squad and from what I understood from what they said at the beginning, he was the one who took the idea to the company and they let it happen. So I don’t think it’s fair to claim that Jungkook couldn’t back out of the show even if he didn’t like it because he was contractually bound.

Right now if I were jikookers I would gloat too because so many people have claimed that Jk looked miserable, looked disinterested, didn’t want to do the show at all or didn’t see the point but from his own words we know that is far from the truth. Not only did he declare how much he loved the show and how free he felt during the show, he also thinks that out of all the trips he been on in his life, these trips for AYS were the best. He also mentioned wanting to go back to the start of their trip so anyone still claiming that Jungkook didn’t love being on that show is not being realistic or reasonable at all. He could have just not said anything if he didn’t feel that way because ofcourse he couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy the trip if he didn’t (or maybe he could) so knowing how blunt Jk can be if he said he loved it, then he loved it. So I think it is wise to just stop with all the stuff about him not liking it or not not wanting to be there because nothing we have seen and heard from him supports that line of thought. He clearly looked bummed that the trip was ending, him and Jimin, and someone wouldn’t feel that way if they didn’t enjoy the trip. I feel like those trips to him, were an opportunity for him to break away from his excessive work load for a few days and just unwind, have fun and eat to his hearts delights. In hindsight, I think it was a great Idea that the show was there to film as after watching his documentary and seeing just how much he worked and pushed himself, I think those few days inbetween schedules to just have fun did him some good.

This is just me stating my honest opinion and I hope I didn’t say anything condescending or rude.

Honest opinions are fine and you're welcome to them.

The only thing I want to query is that jimkookers should gloat. What is this victim storyline? Oh well they're only gloating cos we were so mean to them?

They spent a couple of weeks saying JK visibly hated Tae, laughing at misinterpreted jokes to make it look like JK wanted him gone, mocking their short lay down. Did they all bow at our feet when he finally said it was better with Tae? No they absolutely did not. What they did was just carry on. Cos they perceived events a different way. And I couldn't give a fuck if they do that.... until they get pissy when others do it.

I have never, in my life, been to a JMKK space to "gloat." Or to say anything actually. I've often wondered about their thoughts on things and I just haven't ever. It's not my space.

Imagine if the tumblr Taekookers reacted to, for example, Hawaii this way. Ran into Jikook spaces to "gloat". Because as you say here, we had plenty of reason to. After months and years of "JK can't stand being around him" and "Tae just lies" that became too much even in the short time I've been around, there was vindication. Yeah, we could have gloated.

I bet if we'd done that, the first thing the jmkkrs would say would be "why hasn't this made you feel good?"

What actually happened is we just had a couple of exciting days being dorks about it, feeling good and happy in our "community" here.

So they should go do that.

[sparrowrye]

Demi Demon || Alastor x Reader, Act 3 part 17

Synopsis: Alastor disappeared for 8 years, leaving you confused, crushed, and angry. You spent those years building up your new self and protecting the haven from dangers left and right. What will happen when he returns to the new changes? Will he return anytime soon? Could you even go back to the way things were?

Previous Part

Part 17: a new soul

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Within the first cold month of the new year, it felt anything but a fresh start. I was falling ill nearly every day. I suffered from headaches, nausea, lack of hunger or excessive cravings, vomiting, overly sensitive skin, and sour moods left and right.

It made Alastor agitated. We fought left and right (mostly from him annoyed at me for using a 'disrespectful tone') and when he tried to be nice through physical touch I snapped at him. Even Nym and Thatcher were starting to avoid me.

So here he was, waiting on the porch for the city Healer, Athlea, to arrive. It had been overcast for the past two days and the sky finally decided to shed its tears in the form of a torrential downpour. He used his magic to keep the sprits from landing on his coat.

The city was quiet save for a group of younglings goofing off near the shore. He heard the commotion and sent his shadow to investigate. They were playing in large puddles and splashing each other. If he had the kind of magic his soulmate had, he'd have been able to immediately tell what was transpiring without the use of his shadow. It seemed there was an endless array of hidden skills you possessed, and ones that you only shared in the much needed moment. He refused to admit he was jealous. Anything you could do, he could mimic in his own way.

Eventually he caught sight of Althea. He sent his shadow across the yard and manifested her beside him. She clung to the fence to steady herself. She had her usual box of trinkets, herbs, and tools with her.

Alastor led her inside.

"I wasn't expecting so much rain," she said, shaking her coat free of rain before walking in. She removed her boots at the door and quickly followed him up the stairs. You were hiding away in your room with the curtains drawn and fire out. The room was dark and the onslaught of rain didn't help. It made it feel as if it was night in the room.

"Go away Alastor," you mumbled from the sheets.

"I have someone here for you." He felt you reach your magic out first before daring to sit up. When you did, it was lightning fast.

"Seriously Alastor? I told you I didn't want—"

"Never mind what you told me. I am concerned for your health and to put my mind at ease and leave you alone, you will allow our healer to examine you."

"I said I could handle it." A hand came up to smooth down your bed head.

"I have waited long enough for you to handle it. Since you have failed to, it is now my turn." He used magic to draw the curtains and start the fire. You shifted up and apologized to your friend as she came to stand beside the bed.

"I'll be quick, I promise," Althea reassured you.

Alastor left the room.

"I'm fine, just a little rundown." I went on about the random ways I kept the sickness at bay while she did a full examination on me. She had been studying healing and medicine for the past eight years, making her the most proficient 'doctor' in the city. Her methods grew more advanced with her patient count.

"Have you been eating?" she questioned.

"Trying to," I shrugged. "But sometimes I can't keep it down. And I'm exhausted all the time."

"When was your last menstrual cycle?"

"Awhile ago."

Althea grew very serious. "How long is awhile ago?"

"I dunno. A month? Maybe two?"

"Well which is it?" Althea pressed.

Her concern worried me. "Um...probably two? Well before the new year's celebration."

Althea was quiet. Her eyes scanned my face as my magic scanned her. She was nervous, increasingly so, and I was starting to worry what that meant. I rarely heard about Demons dying from an illness but there were always the exceptions. The last thing I needed was Alastor trying to nurse me back to health.

She cleared her throat and sat on the edge of the bed facing me. She put her tools away and looked intently in my eyes. "I'm both your friend and your healer. So I need you to be honest with me when I ask you this."

"Okay..."

She took a breath. "Are you sexually active?"

The truth got caught in my throat and I had to force myself to speak it. "Yes." My cheeks burned with embarrassment. Althea opened her mouth to speak again but reality slapped me upside the head. "No. I'm not...that's not possible."

"There's a very real chance you are," she said, her voice quiet.

"I'm not...that's not possible...I can't...no."

"I can do a couple more tests to see—"

"No. No!" I abruptly stood. "No! Absolutely not! I'm not..." I lowered my voice and blocked Alastor off as best I could. It peaked his curiosity. "That's not possible."

"Why does that upset you?" Now she was speaking to me as my friend, not my healer.

"Why wouldn't it upset me?"

"Don't you like him?"

"That has nothing to do with this! I'm not...I can't go through all that. I'm not ready for my life to be miserable. I'm not...no."

"But you raised Reagan and now you're raising the two siblings. How's this any different?"

"Because I actually have to go through the process. Because I have something that's from me that I have to guard. Something that...something that...something..." I ran my hands through my hair and pulled. I couldn't stop pacing. It felt like I had just run for an hour straight. I needed to calm down. How?

"You're you, though," Althea said gently, "You're the great Dragon Demon, guardian of the Hazbin Haven. You've kept a whole city safe for years. What's the difference for a child biologically related to you?"

"It just is!" My voice bounced off the walls and the room fell silent.

Her ears fell, eyes wide with surprise. I hugged my arms and mumbled an apology. Alastor prodded at my shield but I shoved him away. He was keeping himself at a distance instead of pushing his way through like usual. Thank goodness for it.

I spoke quietly. "It's...I don't know why...but it scares me." I felt tears rising. I swallowed several times and pushed my shoulder into the wall. My hands rubbed the sides of my arms.

"Why don't you let me check first?"

Althea did more examining before concluding that I was, indeed, pregnant. And a couple weeks at that.

"I think you need to talk to Alastor about this," she said.

"I don't want to." I pulled my legs up and pressed my teary eyes to my knees. She laid a reassuring hand on my wrist. "I don't want this to happen."

"This is a very good thing, though. You're having a child with the man you love."

I didn't answer. She stayed with me for several minutes, in complete silence (minus my quiet sobs), until Alastor knocked on the door. My friend gave me a reassuring hug before grabbing her things.

The door closed, leaving Alastor and I alone.

He waited at the door for several heartbeats. My eyes were focused on my hands that were collecting sweat in my lap. My mind was still closed off, even as he approached and rested a hand on my shoulder. He sat down on the bed, cane still in his other hand. He didn't say anything but I could hear him pushing thoughts through our connection, encouraging me to say what had happened.

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to figure this out. I wanted to see his reaction, feel his emotions, know if he would be happy or disappointed in having a child with me. It was never something we had discussed. It had always been something I thought would never happen to me.

I took a deep breath. In one quick movement, I opened my mind and said, "I'm pregnant."

Utter silence filled the room. Even his mind had gone silent. Our little corner in the world had gone still and was holding its breath, waiting for sound to return. The air felt thick and hard to breathe in.

A clock next to his bed ticked away. The fire popped once then the little crackles followed suit. The rain started as a patter than loud white noise. The empty buzz of static from the radio on the dresser gradually grew louder.

Warmth filled my mind as Alastor's started working again. There was a strange mix of shock, joy, and disappointment. Why was he feeling each one? They were surprisingly not very strong emotions, which is the essence of him; strong emotions and even bigger feelings.

"Will you say something?" I asked aloud.

He swallowed. "How do you feel about it?"

"I want to know how you feel about it."

He swallowed again. The creak of his fingers tightening around his cane reached my ears. His other hand straightened his already straight jacket and bow tie.

"I suppose a mixture of things," he answered. "Shock above all."

"I sense disappointment."

He was quiet for a moment. Then his smile became genuine as he placed a hand on my leg. "You already know how I feel about children in general."

"Yeah but this is yours."

"There lies the complication."

A thought crossed his mind and I voiced it, "You never thought you'd have a kid."

"No," he confirmed. "My mother used to tease me about it when I was younger, but the idea left my mind once she passed. My sister, too, when we were younger.

"I'm sorry."

He was careful with his claws as he lifted my chin up. "I do believe half of this is my fault."

I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and removed his hand, pulling it to my lap and threading my black claws with his red ones. A devilish but endearing sight.

"Why do I sense fear, my love?"

I knew he was going to bring it up.

"It just is."

"That wasn't even a coherent answer, dear."

I couldn't help the short laugh that escaped me. I flipped his hand over, still clasped with mine, and traced his knuckles with my thumb. His skin was tough yet smooth.

"Why are you afraid?" he asked again, gently.

I lowered my eyes as I continuously rubbed my thumb across the back of his hand. Why had I never done this before? It was oddly soothing to do, especially when I could feel the warmth his hand was radiating.

"What's there not to be afraid of?"

Alastor suddenly felt awkward. "I'm...not sure." I stopped rubbing his hand and looked away. "Darling, tell me more." He gently prodded the fighting ring memories, the source of most of my trouble.

I had to take a calming breath. "Women were removed from fights if they were pregnant...and my mother...she had me in a cage and...I don't even know who my father is. Only that he's an Angel."

"What else?" His voice was unfiltered and sweet.

"Well there's...you know...there's the whole thing about what happened to me when I was younger. And...by some weird miracle I hadn't gotten pregnant then."

Alastor was quiet so I went on.

"Pregnancy is a bad thing. Masters hated when their fighters were pregnant and there were plenty of women outside the rings who were devastated upon hearing the news that they were pregnant. It seems like a universal thing to be upset when a woman is pregnant."

"How do you know this?" he questioned.

"It was during my few years of independence." I paused, realizing that once upon a time I would have said 'freedom' instead. "Women talk to each other. And pregnancy...it's not exactly something safe. Let alone actually giving birth."

"We have a talented healer," he offered.

"The pregnancy itself is just as bad, though," I said. "All the symptoms are horrible and we don't even know..."

His hand tightened around mine. "What is it?"

I looked up at him. "We don't know...what the child be."

"I don't understand."

"You're a Demon. And I'm part Demon, part Angel. What will the child be?"

His interested suddenly peaked. Alastor the Radio Demon briefly took over and the possibilities of the type of power the child might have came to light. The child could be an asset, an apprentice, the heir to Alastor's power. He had never considered training someone who didn't hold the type of magic or way of thinking as him.

That's my other worry. I thought.

"What is?" his voice doubled as he asked both aloud and through our connection.

"You."

His soft side came back as the tone in the conversation grew even more serious. "How so?"

"We have to parent the child...together." My mind brought up the constant arguments over 'parenting' Nym and Thatcher. They were technically mine but this child...this would be both of ours.

His eyes looked me over for several heartbeats. His mind spun through a variety of options and scenarios, all of which were somewhat unpleasant. A lot of it was mostly how he would handle me when we argued, pushing his own agenda over mine. But there quite a few trying to figure out how to work through it together.

He let out a sigh. "It seems we'll have quite few things to discuss." I let go of his hand and laid back down with a loud, drawn out groan. His ears fell halfway at my display.

"I don't want this." I pulled the sheets up to hook tightly around my shoulders.

"Because of the difficulties or...because of me?"

I looked at him but he wasn't returning the look. His shoulders seemed hunched. So I sat up and hooked my arm in his as I leaned my cheek on his shoulder. "Because of the difficulties. Not because of you, Al."

"Alright."

****

The following months were...interesting to say the least.

The only ones who knew about your pregnancy were your close friends, the children, and Charlie's group. It was a tight lip secret that needed to stay that way until the child's birth. If word got out that one of the guardians was pregnant and vulnerable, people would start coming after the city again.

At least, that was the general reasoning.

The real reason was to avoid conflicts with Heaven.

Heaven obviously felt threatened by Alastor's magic and abilities, enough to force him into 'hiding' for eight years. You weren't sure how much of a concern you were to them but associating with Alastor didn't put you in the clear. Especially now that you were going to bear his child.

Things were tense within the first few weeks of your pregnancy. Many many arguments and tough conversations ensued, most around the topic of parenting but a few simply because you were in a bad mood and Alastor wasn't having it.

Things grew easier, on Alastor's side of things, when the hump became more obvious. You refused to leave the house, your mood swings were mostly sobbing breakdowns instead of anger, and you slept a lot.

This side of you was easier to manage. You craved soft, sweet, and gentle touches from him (only when you asked because if you didn't, his fingers were nearly bitten off) and most of your crying needed him to be present not empathetic.

He kept his mind out of yours but you frequently watched the world through his eyes. Boredom had also been another issue. Once a week he would scour the world for a new book to keep you busy. It usually only lasted you halfway through the week.

Alastor did most of the cooking unless you were feeling up to it. Dinner was always a family meal with you, Alastor, Nym, and Thatcher. Occasionally Reagan would join but she was often up at the house, anyways, helping you manage your pregnancy and needed an evening break.

Things grew more interesting as you came to the tail end of it all. You rarely spoke and your magic was off kilter. The bond strengthened as Alastor put his own shield around your mind to keep your magic contained. It was annoying for him to keep up that shield but he refused to remove it even when you asked.

Now you rarely left your bedroom. Alastor always made sure the siblings were fed, even begrudgingly played a game of cards with Nym, and brought a plate of food up often. Every time you refused and every time Alastor managed to coax you into eating. Once you had eaten two bites, you usually finished the rest of it.

One evening he came up to a cold room despite the late summer's temperatures. You had stolen all the pillows from downstairs and had used them to make a funny nest of some sort on the bed. Several of his shirts and suit jackets were laid overtop the pillows. A new feeling swelled in his chest at the sight.

You were curled in the center in a half sleep, tears falling out of your eyes.

Alastor placed the bowl on the bedside table and reached both his hands and magic to you. Your mind grabbed hold of him to wrench yourself out of the strange nightmare. Your hand grabbed his shoulder an aggressive hiss.

"It's me, my darling." He reared back to avoid your teeth.

Your eyes were as wide as he'd ever seen them and your breathing erratic. Your forehead was covered in sweat, as was the rest of you.

"A vision..." you said through heavy breaths. "Him. It's...Adam. He's—"

"Not going to bother us."

"He was standing over the children. He was in the house."

"Are you sure it was a vision, my dear?"

"Of course," you said over his question. "I know the difference now. That was a vision. He was...it was at night. He was...staring in a crib. His face...he's supposed to be an Angel but he looked anything but one."

"We will keep a ward over the house for some time. Would that make you feel better?" His hand came to hold your cheek and he watched, with great satisfaction, as you leaned into his warm touch. His eyes fell to your swelling stomach. "I will protect you. I'm not leaving this time."

"Thank you, Al." Your muscles relaxed as you came down from your adrenaline high. It was then you noticed what you had done to the bed. You immediately pulled your head out of his grip and curled inward as best you could with your large stomach.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, my love." Alastor looked over the obvious nesting attempt. "It is only natural."

"Nothing about me is natural." You laid back down covering your face with a blanket. You fought him when he attempted to pull it away, and ended up losing the battle. He placed a kiss on your red cheeks.

"I find it endearing, if not adorable."

"Call me that again and I'll rip your vocal chords out."

His teeth shined from the open window. "Only if you use your teeth."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

I've never written a pregnancy before soooooooo

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@wendigonamecaller @saccharine-nectarine @martinys-world @thesimpybitch @papas-ghoulette @masochist-downfall

[intrigd-voyagr]

Scales

this has to be the fastest I have ever thought up and written a fic idea. The power of brainrot........

takes place after Sonny gets admin codes and he can come out of the puter for Periods Of Time because I said so

anyways Sonny Addie shippers come get y'all's food!! 720 wordss

Nestled in the rocky seam of a cave made home, Sonny and Addie lay entangled in each other’s embrace. They had taken up residence on Addie’s scavenged (but surprisingly comfortable) couch, and the naga in question insisted on resting atop the taller man, their face buried in his neck while they kept their arms wrapped securely around his neck. As reptiles do, they relished the steady heat his body provided – and even more so, because it was his.

Sonny offered no complaints to their demands - after all, he seriously doubted they could comfortably cuddle if the roles were reversed. Addie was… quite small compared to him.

So, he laid on his back and took them into his arms, resting his chin on their shoulder; utterly content.

---

He had been absently rubbing their back for a few minutes, though the act itself had his mind churning in thought. He had seen all of the scales on Addie’s limbs and face; there weren’t that many, but he marveled them all the same.

However, their back remained a mystery to him. As his hand traveled up and down their shirt, the multitude of concealed bumps underhand told him he was missing out on something rather special. It wasn’t long before his gnawing curiosity won in the end.

“Addie dearest, I’d very much like to examine the scales on your back a bit closer, if you’ll let me…?” He pinched the hem of their shirt to further indicate his interest, waiting for their response.

Addie locked up at the idea, the red bloom across their cheeks deepening in shade. ”Y-yeah, um…! Sure, i-if you want to, go ahead… but they’re not really… um… pretty.”

Sonny laughed into their hair, using his free hand to smooth down their locks soothingly. “Nonsense, love. There is no part of you I haven’t found breathtaking.”

And with that, he slowly and respectfully began to roll up Addie’s shirt, hiking it up as far as it would go.

He was met with a sea of iridescent scales, closely knit and running down the entire length and width of the reptilian’s back, the pattern only tapering back to skin near their neck and the base of their spine. The man was at a loss for words for a moment as he took it all in.

“My, Addie… you’re positively stunning,” He murmured, red tinting his own cheeks now. As he stared longer, though, he soon realized why Addie had said what they said. For each healthy scale, there was another that was jagged and dull, or even missing entirely, leaving only patches of scarred flesh in its place.

“Oh, my… But... What… what happened…? Some of these are... Who hurt you…?” his voice was pained, his fingers now gingerly ghosting across the most ragged ones. Addie was silent as they searched for a response.

“No one… well, I guess myself?” Addie laughed nervously, before realizing a bit more context was needed for an answer like that.

“…When we shed. Pulling the old scales off things like arms and legs are easy. But the back… is a two person job. Most people have family, or friends, or a partner to do it, but I, um… I never…” Sonny can feel their shoulders tense against him, and he’s hit with pang of sympathy.

“I just make do with what I’ve got - the walls, o-or trees… it gets itchy, so I go for whatever’s roughest, y’know? But the scales underneath are still pretty sensitive, so it also hurts…”

Sonny flattened his palm across the scales of their upper back, brows furrowing as he imagined the years of trauma each one was forced to endure by this world too cruel to spare a caring hand.

“Well,” he began, “you have a partner now. And I’ll make sure every shed is perfect from now on, and that you finally have a chance to heal. You won’t have to hurt yourself anymore. And never forget…”

He ran his hand down their spine slowly, memorizing the way each scale felt underhand - the rough, the smooth, the missing – and eventually settled himself in the small of their back, applying light pressure to hug them closer. With his other hand, he coaxed their face up so that their eyes met. He then leaned in close, pressing his forehead to theirs.

“You have yet to disappoint me, dear.”

[thebadgerclan]

Justice

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Summary: Justice is served

There is an execution depicted in this (nothing overly graphic), so proceed w/ caution

Part 2 to Salvation

The King’s condition had drastically improved since his….treatments with Doctor Orolv had ceased, but he was not healed.  Nikolai’s hands still trembled, he still felt the demon creeping in his mind, dragging its talons against his consciousness, the fear of it breaking free gnawed at him, but one look from you, one touch of your hand against his sent the demon skittering to the corners of his mind, leaving the King’s mind completely and utterly his.

Since your husband had moved back into your rooms, since he began spending his nights wrapped in your embrace, the demon had not come out, it hadn’t even tried to emerge.  And Nikolai was happier, he was more productive; his wit and banter was back, he was back.  And it was all thanks to you.  Nikolai had been going mad, he knew it, thanks to the so-called Doctor recruited to rid him of the demon.  She had tortured him: waterboarding, whipping, branding, starvation, isolation.

All any of that served to do was anger the demon, rile it up.  And when Nikolai passed you in the corridors, unable to speak to you by his “Doctor’s” order, the demon would buck, fight harder than it ever had to get free.  Little did Nikolai know that you would be his salvation, not his downfall.  Now, Orlov was in a cell and the King had never felt better.

Nikolai peppered your face with kisses, drawing you from sleep.  “Hmm, Kolya,” you mumbled as you stretched, the silk sheets slipping from your body.  “Good morning, my beloved wife,” Nikolai said, kissing his way down your neck.  “My goddess, my angel, my beautiful Y/N.”  You smiled, accepting your husband’s kisses.  “Darling, as lovely of a wakeup as this is, I don’t have time for your distractions this morning.”

Your husband smirked.  “Oh?  Even when my distractions are so very enjoyable?”  He dragged his nails over your side, making you squeal with laughter, and you extracted yourself from bed.  “Yes, even then, my love.”  Nikolai watched as you darted behind the dressing screen, a sleepy smile on his face.  But when you emerged, wearing your kefta rather than a gown, Nikolai’s smile faded.

He knew that look that you wore: it was the look you wore when doling out punishments, the look you wore when reading guilty verdicts at court.  This was not the look of his gentle, loving Queen; this was the look of his Queen going to war.  “You’re doing it today?” he asked, and you nodded, securing your hair back in a simple braid.  “I am.  She’s been interrogated and cross examined.  A unanimous guilty verdict.”

Laisia Orlov, former physician, was set to be executed today for high treason and conspiring against the Crown.  And she would die at the Queen’s hand.  A Rakvan Queen had not performed an execution in nearly 200 years, but this case warranted an exception.  “I’ll be there,” Nikolai said, rising from bed.  “You won’t have to do it alone.”  Nikolai knew your reservations about this, but your desire for revenge and justice far outweighed them.

“Thank you, my love,” you said, resting your head against his shoulder.  “I’ll see you soon.”  You would visit your prisoner one final time before she was brought to the Square for the execution, where Nikolai would hand down the sentence.  Your guards flanked you as you made your way down several flights of stone stairs, into the belly of the Palace.  Orlov was kept in the smallest cell, barely enough room to stand in, yet she sat as you approached.

“Come to berate me some more?” she snarked, and you scoffed.  “No.  I’m here to offer you your last rights.  Not that there’s much hope of repenting at this point.”  Laisia’s eyes went wide.  “You’re going to kill me?”  “Did you really think there was another fate for you?  After you tortured your King half to death?”  Laisia laughed, a cold, wicked sound.  “He is no King of mine.  That man is infected with evil and darkness, and I will be rewarded by the Saints for my efforts to save this wretched nation.”

You crossed your arms, looking down your nose at her.  “If that’s what you choose to believe.  Make your peace.  You have a half hour.”  You spun on your heel and left, ignoring her cries of protest, the hatred she spewed.  Outside, the Square was packed with Ravka’s nobility, the judges, the lawmakers, the physicians–the real physicians–you’d brought in to corroborate Laisia’s argument.  Unsurprisingly, they were all appalled by her methods, confirming what you should have suspected from the start: she was a radical intent on killing the King.

Nikolai smiled when he saw you approaching, dressed in his military dress uniform.  “My darling,” he greeted, kissing your cheek.  “Any news from my wonderful doctor?”  You shook your head.  “Other than the fact that you’re ‘infected with evil and darkness’, no.”  Nikolai shrugged.  “Well, we already knew that, didn’t we?”  “How are you so nonchalant about this?” you asked.  “This woman tried to kill you, tortured you, and you’re joking about it.”

Your husband cupped your cheeks gently.  “Because, my love, she is nothing.  Yes, I was tortured, yes, it was horrible.  But you, Y/N, brought me back.  You saved me, you keep me grounded, you keep the demon at bay.  My salvation, my love, my Y/N.  If I have you, then nothing else matters.”  His declaration would have normally made you throw yourself into his arms, but the jeering of the crowd drew your attention.

Laisia Orlov was being led out by armed guards, her hands and ankles bound.  “Let’s get this over with, yeah?” Nikolai said, and you squeezed his hand.  “Yeah.”  He kissed your cheek and you stepped from the raised dais, walking to the center of the Square.  The guards kicked Orlov to her knees and dispersed, leaving the prisoner to you.  She looked at you with hatred, and you looked back with equal measure.

“Laisia Orlov,” Nikolai called, silencing the crowd.  “You have been brought before your King and court charged with high treason.  A jury of your peers has found you unanimously guilty and has sentenced you to death.  How do you plead?”  Laisia, to her credit, did not cry, did not tremble.  “I am not guilty,” she responded, voice steady.  “I sought only to purge the madness from you, and in return, I am to be murdered.”

Nikolai did not cower.  “As decided by the jury, Queen Y/N Lantsov will carry out the execution in a manner of her choosing.  My love…” he gestured to you, indicating that you may proceed. “Any last words?”  “This will not last,” she spat.  “It will return, rot his mind, drive him to madness.  Soon, your dear King won’t know the difference between the heavens and the earth.”  You bent so your face was inches from hers.  “I will stand with him between the heavens and the earth,” you hissed.  “If that is what he needs.”

You straightened and folded your hands, calling your power.  You started by slowing her heart, just enough to make her panic.  Then you cut off her airway, made her pain receptors fire, severed her aorta.  Finally, you flicked your wrists and snapped her neck, ending her life.  The crowd cheered, and you forced yourself to breathe.  You had killed before, yes, but that had been in war, in self defense, this was…..

You felt dizzy, like the ground was swaying beneath you, but before you stumbled, Nikolai was there, steadying you.  “I’ve got you,” he whispered, kissing your temple.  “You’re alright, sweetheart, I’ve got you.”  You nodded, letting him lead you back into the Palace.  Orlov’s body would be cleaned and returned to her family; you could offer them that small mercy.  “Nikolai, I–”  “Shh, it’s ok.  Let me carry you for a while.”

He didn’t mean literally, though your legs were certainly shaky enough.  You’d carried him for the past few weeks while he recovered, supported him while his mind and body healed.  Now he would carry you, comfort you as you processed what you’d just done.  “Justice,” you whispered.  “Yes, my love,” your husband replied, kissing your cheek.  “Justice.  You gave me justice.”

[ladykettlechips]

Beautiful Mess - Part 4

Part 4 of Beautiful Mess is here and, after realising it's gonna be at least 5 chapters long, I have decided to just make it a fic of its own on AO3. No point continuing to add it to 'Fools in Love' when it's basically got this many chapters. I love writing this so much! Sadly this chapter has 0 Kanthony interaction, but we do get Benedict back and Kate being in denial as per.

This is not perfect, I need to edit and such but I really do love writing this little fic. It's so relaxing for me. Okay, I will shut up now. Hope you all enjoy!

----------------------------------------------

Kate began avoiding the Bridgertons after New Years. She couldn’t bring herself to see them, not if it meant the possibility of running into Anthony.

She just couldn’t do that to herself. Couldn’t bear the thought of watching him live his life, free of any and all desire to love; free of the obligation of being tied down and living a life where he would undoubtedly be loved.

Kate didn’t deserve to suffer, not when she loved him so much. Not when it was so very clear that he did not love her.

Except the Bridgertons were persistent, namely Benedict and Violet. Every other day she would get a text from Benedict asking when they would hang out while Violet, not as persistent but still hopeful, would call Kate semi-often with a casual mention about how she looked forward to their next stint at afternoon tea.

Of course Kate missed them and wanted to see them both again; they were her friends. She just couldn’t run the risk of seeing Anthony again and only wishing that he felt the same way about her as she did for him.

So she made an excuse. Then another, and then another. She kept making them until it became all too easy to lie, waiting for the day their calls and texts would stop.

----------------------------------------------

For a little over a month Kate was successful.

For almost two months Kate tried her best to heal her broken heart.

----------------------------------------------

“This is getting ridiculous, didi.”

Lifting herself up by the elbows from her spot in bed, Kate saw the way Edwina had folded her arms as she stood in the doorway and heard the aggravated huff clear in her voice as she stared at Kate, long and hard. It was so very like their mother, disappointment emanating from her petite form.

Fluttering her eyes closed with a sigh, Kate flopped back on the bed and rolled over until her back was turned to her sister.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Edwina hissed, marching over to the bed and pulling the covers away. “It’s been nearly two months, now; you should really get over whatever tiff you and Anthony had and go see Benedict. He’s miserable without you!”

Shivering against the chill of her room, Kate slid her arms around her legs and tucked her knees to her chest. Squeezing her eyes tight, she willed the tears not to slide down her cheeks as she felt the mattress dip when Edwina sat down while a soothing hand began to stroke her knotted curls.

There was quiet for a moment as Edwina – sweet, gentle Edwina – soothed Kate, her warmth close and understanding even if she was still disappointed, perhaps even hurt by her sisters adamant silence.

Finally, after what might have been minutes but seemed like an age, Edwina heaved a heavy sigh and retracted her hand.

“Look,” she said, her voice quiet and soothing but still careful. “I don’t know what happened between you and Anthony but, whatever it is, you shouldn’t punish Benedict. He’s your friend, did; he doesn’t deserve to be iced out.”

The mattress felt lighter a moment later and before Kate could look up, her eyes already wet with tears, she knew that Edwina had already left.

----------------------------------------------

After an hour or two to herself, Kate finally rolled out of bed, wiped her eyes and nose, took a shower and dragged a comb through her hair. Then, with shaking hands she grabbed her phone and tapped out a quick message.

It didn’t take long for the receiver to respond.

----------------------------------------------

“Oh, thank God you’re alive!” Benedict exclaimed the moment he saw Kate walk through the cafe doors and, practically running towards her, bowled Kate over as he enveloped her in his arms.

Stumbling at the sheer force of her friends embrace, Kate quickly found her footing and gingerly wrapped her own arms around Benedict and allowed her head to fall against his chest as relief washed over her.

As he held her close Kate couldn’t hold back her sigh. Taking in his scent, his warmth and the clear worry he had held for her, Kate was dimly aware of his hold on her tightening, a comforting squeeze that was there to remind her he was there and, perhaps, to stop her from leaving him all too soon.

A minute or so passed before Benedict felt safe to pull away, though he kept hold of her still, his hands gripping Kate’s upper-arms tightly. Staring back at her, concern evident in her eyes, Benedict’s mouth began to twist into a grim smile.

“Where’ve ya been, loca?”

Before she could stop herself, Kate was in peals of laughter; she couldn’t help it. For the first time in ages, she felt light, free of worry… happy.

Shooting him a playful glare, Kate slapped a hand against his shoulder and giggled. “Of all the shit films you could quote,” she laughed, shaking her head. “You chose Twilight?”

A slow, lazy grin broke across Benedict’s face. “Well, Kate, much like Bella in New Moon, you kind of fell off the face of the Earth for a while there. It felt fitting, I suppose.”

Kate’s stomach dropped. She should have never kept Benedict at arms length. He was her friend, for crying out loud.

Before she could blurt out an apology, Benedict had wrapped an arm around Kate’s shoulder while he guided her towards the table he had commandeered. Pulling out the chair across from his own seat, Kate sank into it with a small smile while Benedict sat back down, his smile blindingly bright.

“I got you a chai,” he said, nodding towards the steaming cup that sat in front of Kate. It smelled divine, of course; Benedict would never skimp on a quality chai for Kate. Of course, that only made her feel all the more guilty for shutting him out when it really wasn’t his fault she had caught feelings for his older brother.

And if she thought she couldn’t feel any guiltier, the git had to go ahead and reach for her hand across the table.

“I missed you,” he said, his voice all too honest and his eyes far too earnest. Squeezing her palm gently in his, Benedict’s smile softened a little as he breathed a sigh. “Whatever Anthony said, whatever he did, please know I’m sorry. I swear, the twit doesn’t think before he speaks sometimes.”

A lump formed in Kate’s throat. Oh, crap. Did Anthony’s family really think he was to blame for Kate suddenly disappearing? Was he letting them?

Swallowing both her pride and the lump, Kate managed to mumble “I wouldn’t say it’s all his fault…” before Benedict interrupted with a roll of his eyes.

“Please, you know better than anyone what an ass he is.” Shaking his head, Benedict shot her a rueful smile, his eyes alight with mirth. “Besides, it’s not as if you shagged him, or anything. Only then would I believe your partly at fault, too.”

The silence that followed was absolutely deafening. Benedict, whose smile had been so bright just moments before, began to slip as Kate stared back at him, wide-eyed and tight-lipped as a hot, furious blush flooded her entire face.

Kate was certain that, had she been drinking her chai, she would have choked on it. In fact, if Benedict had been drinking his paltry tea, he would have choked on it, too.

“Oh,” he whispered, his own eyes growing wider by the moment. “Oh. My. God.” His grip on her hand tightened as he lurched forward, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline before finally choking out a disbelieving “You shagged my bloody brother!?”

Finding the strength to finally move, Kate wrenched her hand from Benedict’s grasp.

“Yes, yes,” she sputtered, almost certain she looked like an overly ripe tomato. “I slept with Anthony, okay? It happened, it’s done, now be quiet.” she hissed, folding her hands in her lap as she chanced a quick glance around the café. Thankfully few people were paying attention to them, which meant Benedict’s outburst had not been as loud as she thought it was.

For a minute or two Kate simply stared down at her hands, keenly aware of Benedict’s judgemental gaze boring into her as she twiddled her twiddled her thumbs, counted the lines on her hands, anything to stop herself from looking up at him.

Pulling a ragged sigh from deep within himself, Benedict finally burst the bubble of silence and slid further down his seat.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, scrubbing a hand over his face and raking long fingers through his already messy hair. “No wonder he’s a bloody mess, Kate. He thinks you want nothing to do with him!”

“I don’t,” she whispered, looking up from her lap. It hurt to say it – she wanted anything but that – but Benedict didn’t need to know how she really felt. Anthony didn’t need to know. “It was a mistake, at least on his part. I can’t let him see that it…”

A tell-tale sting pricked at her eyes, her frame of vision becoming a little hazy. Taking a deep breath, Kate shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut as Benedict stared at her curiously, quiet as Kate shuddered out her next words, small and careful.

“Anthony got what he wanted in the end. I simply bruised his ego in the process. He’ll get over it, I’m sure,” she managed, sniffing as she dragged the back of her hand over her eyes. “One girl walking out on him before he can let her down himself won’t hurt for too long.”

Offering Benedict a wane smile, Kate finally picked up her cooling chai and took a small sip. For some reason though it tasted bland, almost as if no flavour had been imbued in the brewing process.

It tasted like chai made without love.

[writing-whump]

💔😭🛌🥣🤢🤮 for one of your boys? 🖤

This is a great one, thank you! From this ask game.

The trio has a movie night with Isaiah stress sick all day until it finally downs at him. Vomiting, angst, heartache and lots of comfort.

Movie night

It started with the phone call.

"Your brother is back in town."

That was all it took. A friendly warning from Sonny that Hector was back from his exchange semester. They would probably meeting again at the nearest wolf event. If he didn't go they would meet at the next one.

There would be no avoiding Hector anymore.

That was alright. They knew how to get along civilialy. Right?

After getting the call, Isaiah couldn't eat. He hated how it messed up his whole day. His focus was shot, he kept forgetting what he was planning to do. While reading his preparation texts for uni the letters swam in front of his eyes and he didn't dare send any coordinating emails for work when he was so confused.

He stayed at home, pacing the apartment and fighting the lingering nausea that just accompanied him everywhere. He didn't dare to eat, just keeping hydrated. It was the weirdest feeling. He felt restless and tired and the same time. Waiting for something to be over that there was no running from.

His self-pitying parade ended when Seline and Matthew came home.

"I got the popcorn and Matthew got the cola!" Seline said instead of a greeting. "So I hope you got that free evening we talked about."

"Free evening?" Isaiah asked, confused. Damn, what else did he forget today?

"Yes. It's Wednesday. Our movie night. Remember?"

Ah right. Seline kept coming up with these ideas where they would all see or meet each other regularly doing activities together. It was like she was afraid they would drift apart before they even got close.

In the name of bonding time, she came up with traditions for starts and ends of semesters, holidays, conclusion of exam season and regular common events.

It was heartwarming in effort, a little awkward in its schedule. But they all agreed it was justified. Isaiah lived alone since he was 18 and he didn't talk with his family properly since that day. Matthew spent his teenage years in a boarding school.

Seline was the only one with a nice stable family - if the daily calls to her mom and weekly visits she came all happy from were anything to go by - but since she didn't live in Vienna until this year and out of many other complicated reasons, she had very few friends in the city itself.

Isaiah got the impression she was on a quest to change this, and it was a purposeful decision she was doing her best planning and preparing for.

He couldn't be angry, and he couldn't say no to that effort. Even if having a movie night was the last thing on his mind. His chest was feeling tight, probably from the angsting he was doing all day and the nausea was still very much there although his stomach hurt from hunger.

It was horrible to come to terms with his heart issues because he pushed his emotions and shadow down so successfully for years after moving out, it became his weak spot. If there was anything stressful or upsetting, it went right there. The damage was done, permanent. The doctor he saw about it said it was very rare for shadow wolves to contract such lasting issues in life. Shadows could heal anything aside silver - but they couldn't heal damage they caused themselves. And this was a gradual one, caused over time, little tears around the heart valve that wouldn't to away anymore.

That one was entirely on Isaiah.

He didn't tell anyone. It would be entirely discrediting for all the packs if they knew he had such an injury, such obvious weakness. They would tear him to pieces or never take him seriously again. His influence would be shot.

Only Matthew knew a little. Since that unfortunate day when he helped him home and watched him get sick. Though Isaiah didn't really explain and didn't know how serious it was at the time.

Isaiah didn't realize all the preparations were ready as he sat on the couch in thought. He was really out of it today to not join in any way.

Seline made the pop corn, Matthew brought the big cola bottles and before Isaiah knew how it happened, he had a glass of it pushed into his hand. The lights were shut and the beginning of Mad Max: Fury road started to play.

"You picked this for us so we would have some action?" Matthew asked, stretching on the sofa completely with a handful of popcorn gathered in his hand.

Seline glared at the lack of a bowl, but seated herself across Isaiah in the corner of the sofa.

"This movie is so much more than mere action. I admit the plot is simple, but that's so you can focus your attention on all the details of the worldbuilding. There are amazing social themes about humanity, apocalypse, reactions, dictatorship, oppression, brainwashing and power of friendship, redemption. The brutality of the fights and the agressive music contrast with the small moments of kindness and softness..."

Seline got into her triad as the titles started playing.

Isaiah held his glass stiffly. He didn't want to be here. Somehow until now he didn't realize how intrusive it would be to live with others. He liked company and was good with people on a normal day, but he had days like these too and he didn't...it was very stupid it didn't connect until now. That he wouldn't be able to have lonely evenings of suffering in peace, that his secrets would be held under scrutiny, that his presence would be demanded and expected.

He wanted to be left with his dark thoughts, heart episodes and damaged family ties in peace.

He also couldn't leave without breaking a promise and alarming them that something was wrong.

The only thing he managed to come up with was to slide down from the couch onto the floor, leaning his back against it. At least a bit of privacy.

The cola in his hand smelled sweet and inviting and it was supposed to help with stomach issues, right? He took a few sips, feeling the rush of sugar calming his hunger pains.

It calmed him a little. Seline kept stopping the movie to underline some kind of important cue or meta fact. Matthew was getting crazy angry over it, except he talked right through the movie, when commenting or exclaiming suddenly about a well made fight scene.

Isaiah actually relaxed for a bit, getting his mind of things as he listed. He wasn't getting much from the movie, it was all too fast and colourful, but he was feeling marginally better.

So it was to is utterly surprise when the nausea returned. His stomach was bubbling angrily with the few mouthfuls of cola, sloshing painfully.

It wasn't fair. He wasn't even overthinking this anymore!

Isaiah tried to take deep breaths and calm himself down. If this was simply from stress, maybe it would go away soon.

Then his stomach gave a light squeeze. Liquid shot up his throat, the taste of cola flooded his tounge. He tried to swollow it down, but it surprised him so much he gasped and the sugary vomit spilled out, right down his front.

There was no warning, no sound, no fight. One minute he was fine, fighting the roiling liquid down and the next it dripped from his chin at the small splash in the center of his chest.

Isaiah was mortified, body going rigid. He had no idea how that happened. No heaving, no warning. He didn't feel any worse than he did the whole day, aside the constant dull ache in his stomach.

Did he seriously just throw up on himself in the middle of a movie?

The only saving grace was the fact no one seemed to notice. Seline and Matthew were too invested in the loud action of the movie and he was hidden away from direct sight, sitting on the floor like that.

He could simply get up and disappear into the bathroom. Change his clothes and act like nothing happened. It was just a little accident. Not like anybody had to know.

Except then he felt the liquid shoot up his throat again, the force accompanied by an agonising stab in his middle. All he managed was to hang his head over himself as it sprayed out of his mouth. Just a small sip of black liquid joining the first splash. His teeth felt sticky and eroded from it.

His body gave a whole-bodied shudder. His right hand hovered about his chest, but he felt paralysed by the disgust of it all. He who thought himself so good in control? This was so humiliating and gross...

A quite pitiful sound escaped him then, something between a sob and a sight. He wanted to fall down the floor and disappear.

And it had such an easy solution, if he just made himself get up already. No chance though, his body was locked up and frozen in place.

His heart was beating in his ears, painful electric impulses. The nausea was ever-present, only rising with his pulse and his stomach was doing flip flops for no reason.

"Hey, Isaiah? Are you paying attention?" Seline asked, interrupting his haze.

Isaiah gulped and nodded, hoping that would satisfy her. His ears were ringing, so he only half-heard the film. His stomach hurt, curled around itself like around a fist.

"Isaiah?" She asked tentatively and stopped the movie.

The room fell in uneasy silence. Isaiah's panting breaths sounded too loud against it.

And then something even worse happened. Matthew stretched out behind himself to turn on the switch, basking Isaiah's complete emberassment in bright light.

Isaiah shut his eyes against the onslaught of artificial rays, hanging his head and panting through rising panic.

"What the hell-" Matthew grumbled in surprise.

"Isaiah? Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" Seline's voice was melted honey, the softest sound he ever heard.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing his hands against his eyes, hopefully hanging his head low enough to hide the worst of the mess on his chest. "Please, don't look at me." He sounded as pathetic as he felt. Just great.

"Isaiah," she cooed and he heard her sliding down the couch next to him. Cold hands were suddenly at the side of his face, her fingers in his hair, stroking his curls gently. Since he didn't slick them back today they were more wavy around his face, sticky with sweat.

"Does your belly hurt? Do you feel sick? What is it?" She asked, not pulling away from his hair.

Isaiah just shook his head, bowing further.

"Matthew, can you get me some paper towels," Seline said, voice soft but decisive. He heard Matthew's hurried footsteps on the floor. He didn't bother to look for his shoes before he went.

"Sweetie, please look at me," Seline said, treading her fingers through his overwarm, wet hair. "It's alright. You are okay."

Isaiah hid his face in his hands. The splutter of cola felt cold against his chest as it dried off and the smell of it mixed with stomach acid irrated his nose. He wanted to curl up on the floor and disappear.

This was so humiliating. With the silver poisoning, at least he was too out of it and it was too serious, serious enough to warrant his failure of senses. But this was just unforgivable, weak and repulsive. He felt so repulsive-

"Sweetie, come on. It's okay. Nobody is angry. Please, believe me." Seline slid closer to him, leaning her shoulder against his, one arm coming up around him to pull him against her, while the other kept stroking his hair.

"I'm sorry, I don't know- I don't-" His shoulders hitched with the sob. Selined leaned even closer, as if not disgusted by the the mess and the smell or by the display. She was full on hugging him now, her head against his neck.

"Shhh. You don't have to apologise, sweetheart."

Isaiah finally dropped his hands from his face, all pale and sweaty. He needed to see her, to make sure she wasn't joking. "Look at me, Seline. How can you-? I'm disgusting-"

As he turned his head he met her stare, bright baby blue eyes just centimeters from his. This was the closest their faces ever were together.

"Don't say that, sweetie. Darling. Dearest. Honey."

Isaiah huffed out a tiny laugh. He couldn't help it. He was a mess, and she was holding him, calling him all those weird sweet things, pressing herself against him as if nothing of that was true, as if his state wasn't absolutely unforgivable and sickening...

And she was doing it with that familiar fiery stubbornness and in that soft steely voice he couldn't resist.

Isaiah leaned his forehead against hers, just for a second forgetting how disgusting it all was. Just accepting the comfort, the touch, the blooming smell of her, like jasmine and peppermint.

He breathed in and out, only now realizing he could do it slow and proper again. His chest wasn't tight and pulsing anymore, and the pressure in his stomach eased up to exhausted but bearable soreness.

He waited for Matthew to get back with a fresh shirt and the towels, wrapped in her presence and reassurance.

----

@bellysoupset

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

I have started Like A Dragon! I've actually already made it to chapter 5.

Why hadn't I made a post already, then?

Well, there's no sugar-coated way to put this so... let's just rip off the bandaid now.

I haven't really enjoyed myself playing this game this far. Yet. Maybe I will at some point. But for now I honestly just haven't had much to say in terms of what's happened in the plot besides the beginning. I don't hate the game, it's just that it hasn't been able to really hook me in yet.

I'll keep going since I've heard this game is one of the generally more loved ones in the franchise. And I know RGG loves its slow burn.

I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but I wanna be totally honest. I doubt y'all would want me to lie about how I feel about the game.

More about all that right at the end of the post. I will list my positives and negatives when it comes to this game (and talk about the battle system) down there.

I know this type of thing is common in RPGs, but I like it all the same. Neat little game mechanic. There's quite a few different ones here, but it's cool.

An interesting background for a main character. Yeah, being an orphan is more than common. But being raised by the employess in a soapland and the townsfolk around him? That's really out there - in a good way.

This was very sad. Ichi lost 15 years of his life to the joint and got nothing in return. The shock and disappointment on his face when he was released and there was just. No one waiting for him.

And after that, all that awaited him was just... betrayal. That's just brutal. I fully understand why Ichiban went into Total Denial Mode for a while; it must have been a totally incomprehensible and shocking situation.

-He got out of prison after 15 years and where he expected to find his family waiting for him, he found nobody. AND he suddenly had the freedom of choosing what to do, when to do it and where to go after 15 years. That can be scary.

-He witnessed how much the world and general society had changed in his absence and probably felt very confused.

-He saw his home totally wrecked and abandoned.

And now his mentor and beloved patriarch, the one who saved his life. The man he would have happily been ready to die for at any moment. That man had changed completely and acted like he didn't know Ichiban.

Yeah... the denial, frustration and desperation are totally valid.

Oh dear. Well, Kiryu wasn't there anymore, the Tojo upper brass kept changing and there was constant conflict within the clan itself. It was just a matter of time before Omi would take advantage of the situation.

I hope Majima and Daigo are okay. Or at least alive ;-;

*Faint sounds of Majima cackling in the distance*

Oops. Majima better hope Ichi doesn't find out who the driver was lmao. I feel bad for Ichiban, but I also love how this single random idea of Majima's still has these consequences that are brought up, even after all this time.

God bless Nanba. He's a sweetheart. That's all I can say about him. I also kinda like Adachi. I'm not attached to these side characters yet, but they're neat. I think they'll grow on me eventually, it's just that I tend to be slow when it comes to becoming attached to new characters.

Legends say that if you pull this bat out, Shinada will appear in front of you and ask for some money....

I did play through the whole soapland thing and then some. I don't have much to say 😭. We do have a woman fighting with us, finally after all this time! #Girlboss

I would honestly happily die for Nancy. No questions asked.

OKAY UHH POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES.

Positives:

-Ichiban

-Interesting premise

-The different jobs satisfy my hyper-optimizing, excel-sheet-making, micromanaging self

-Funny enemy titles like "Piss Wizard"

-Free full heal spots my beloveds❤️

-Voice acting (in the Japanese dub at least) is excellent

-Substories have been fun!

Negatives:

-EXP yield is... not optimal; grinding takes FOREVER unless you go fight higher-level people than yourself, but then the battles can take ages. Job exp grinding especially feels about as pleasant as pulling teeth.

Am I supposed to grind in this game?? I've started to wonder about that since it's such a slow process. I have absolutely no idea. Have I missed a thing that helps exp gain??

-Unless you get lucky with the ability to find treasure, money yield can be tight at times, too. Which is rough, considering the cost of gear with 4 team members (and probably backup members later).

-The premise is cool, but the stuff I've played through in terms of the plot after leaving Kamurocho hasn't been very interesting to me this far (early-to-mid chapter 5) :/

-Substories don't give you EXP 😭

How about the elephant in the room - the battle system?

Well. I'll come out with it straight away; I'm very, VERY picky when it comes to turn-based combat. Shin Megami Tensei and Persona have unfortunately spoiled me too much, so this game had some unfairly MASSIVE boots to fill. And it didn't quite fill them. My bar is way too high and I acknowledge that 100%.

I get that they didn't want to make the system completely "passive" by just having to select moves and it all going smoothly from here. But I dislike the timing-based quick time stuff in the middle of attacks and perfect guard. I can pull off the attack dmg boost thing most of the time, but perfect guard is just... it feels way more difficult to pull off than Tiger Drop in any previous game. It's very frustrating. I frankly feel stupid, having this difficult a time with it.

Grinding is further hindered by spread moves being kind of unreliable - if the enemies are spread out, you're only hitting a single foe. For now. Maybe there will be better moves later on.

Idk if it's just me, but characters' MP pools feel very limited compared to the cost of the moves combined with how little damage you do at times? Maybe it's just the fact that I'm in the earlier parts of the game, but I feel like I have to be replenishing MP constantly.

I like how all the different types of gear can have additional special effects. It's neat.

All in all the battle system feels... very laborius. I can work with it! Absolutely. I'm just not the biggest fan.

God, I wish I could just gush about this game and sing its praises, but that's not happening yet by a long shot. This far? Maybe a 6-6.5/10. I hope my opinion changes for the better as I progress; I really wanna love it as much as other fans seem to.

[onestepbackwards]

A thought brought on a self aware post about bringing in Pokémon that the player has had for years. Could you imagine bringing in Pokémon from the games Pokémon Colosseum or Pokémon Colosseum XD? Not counting the very few wild ones you can catch in XD pretty much a majority of the Pokémon you get from these games are Shadow Pokémon. Pokémon who were stolen from their trainers, had their hearts forcefully closed so they could be nothing but fighting machines, and were used by one of the worse evil Pokémon groups to hurt people and Pokémon alike. Then the player comes along. They rescue them. They treat them kindly, battle with them, spend time with them, and once their hearts are open enough the player purified them which ends up finally freeing them. Maybe they know its a game, but they don't care. You freed them. You loved them, and you took them to your other games so that they could go on new adventures with you. They wear the National Ribbon they got for being purified with pride. When they get transferred into Arceus they are the most loving and protective Pokémon that Hisui has ever seen. The love they have for you is almost astonishing. If the Hero is aware that love is also given to them since they are the player's 'kid'. Of course they would love and protect the people that the player cares about. You care deeply about Ingo and feel so bad for him that your Pokémon will cuddle the guy and try to show their care toward him too. Heck, since having their hearts closed seems to mean they forget every fond memory that they had as first they might love on Ingo simply because they empathize with how it feels to forget everything important. Maybe the characters can see the ribbons they wear, and they wonder about them. Assuming the player communicates with anyone in the game maybe Ingo or the Hero (or both) ask about it, and the player explains. They are a bit horrified at the idea of people closing Pokémon's hearts, but they find it so sweet that you cared enough to heal every Shadow Pokémon that you got. And that you kept them with you for so many years. No wonder the Pokémon love you so much.

If they tell others about it then anyone who might have been weary of the player might be a bit more open to them now. Anyone who shows such love and kindness must be nice, right? Maybe they can get to know them like Ingo and the Hero have. Could see this having unintended consequences with regards to Volo's delusions about the player though. Upon hearing about the shadow stuff I think that might cement his belief that the player is the 'true' better god. Of course they are a better god then Arceus. They are kinder. They actually do something to improve the lives of others themselves unlike Arceus. All the more proof that you are the kinder better 'true' god to Volo. Don't know I just like the thought of what sort of effect bringing in Pokémon like ex-shadow Pokémon might have for the player and the people in Hisui.

😭😭🥺💕

This is so sweet to imagine

Your beloved pokemon you saved YEARS ago still loving you and following orders, protective to the very end. Probably some of the most fierce pokemon in Hisui, if anyone you battle has anything to say about it.

It would certainly at least make you look good for all the people who are wary about you.

But like you mentioned, Volo would probably dive deeper into his delusion. Since he doesn’t know the full context, why wouldn’t he assume more about you being a true god?

[splashstar01]

Love letter to Merthur (11 year anniversary🎉💐) TW: suicide, spoilers for end of the show

Okay so it's been 11 years since Merthur has been my OTP. Since they've entered my life I've literally felt like I've been in a relationship with their relationship if that makes sense. For a little while until I met my spouse, I even identified as aegosexual, which for me meant being asexual except for attraction to other people's relationships such as my OTPs. 

I came into the fandom end of 2013 and became interested because they were all over my tumblr dash. I know, the show ended at the end of 2012.. I'm not sure why Tumblr had a sudden influx of merthur content. Maybe due to the slash tourney?

But I kept seeing the final end scene all over my dash and I kept seeing a ton of articles celebrating that merthur was now canon (imagine my surprise when i found so many in the fandom don't see it that way even tho it was literally confirmed……………………..). 

I knew literally nothing about the show and assumed it was a serious adult show about the Arthurian legends. But I shipped them anyway due to the ending, particularly with Merlin waiting 1500 years (I didn't even realize Arthur was also waiting)!

At the time I had just got into shipping for half a year, so I was super new to all this slash stuff. My slash OTP at the time was very quickly replaced by merthur after I began watching the series bc merthur was just way more touchy-feely and had actual boyish fun around one another, not to mention waiting 1500 years for ea other! That is EPIC LOVE!!!! Their dynamic was the opposite of my previous OTP. 

With merthur I got really, really into my feelings. I've literally bled for them. Rest assured, I have never cut in my entire life. it's only due to me becoming so emotional and hyperventilating in joy that I bit my fingers and bled a little bit. Like, the amount of blood i lost was akin to literally a paper cut from my teeth lol. Because I cover my mouth when I hyperventilate… I think most people cover their mouths when they do this. Lol.

But when I hyperventilate over Merthur, it is EXTREME. like, i have almost out-of-body experiences. i’ve literally cried from being so happy thinking of them having sex. One time in the shower I was thinking about them and I was so happy I nearly blacked out and fell into the shower curtains. 😂 But even when I cry over Merthur/Arthur, im still having fun. Because I know it's not real, so it’s only a pseudo-grief but its NOT psuedo-joy!!! LOL. It's kinda like going on a roller coaster. You’re screaming but you dont actually fear for your life. It’s psuedo-fear. 

At the time, I was severely depressed in my non-fandom life, but Merthur never actually contributed to that hurt, because i could see the lines of reality vs real shit i had to be upset over. Merthur gave me an outlet. With merthur I felt free to cry and fall apart whilst at the same time, as I always tell my ppl, "they're not real, THANK GOODNESS!!" so I can grieve bc I'm not really crying for anyone!

At the time, I wasn’t seeing anyone for my severe depression/anxiety because I thought I could handle it and i was self-medicating with psychedelics since they've been proven to be able to heal mental health issues. LSD at parties healed my c-ptsd, since I had gone to see someone for my ADHD & ended up being diagnosed w c-ptsd! I thought it could heal my other issues too.

But then I took a 7-year break from merthur due to my attempted suicide.

My life was going so well too. I literally seemed like i had the perfect life while in college. Just landed a good-paying 1-yr temp job, I was majorly popular and partying every weekend, I had a long-term partner (we’re now married), I had a 4.7 GPA, was in 9 different school clubs. I seemed to be thriving. But I’d been battling severe anxiety/depression since I was 12.

How the fandom saved my life….. Literally. 

Before I was going to do it, I had to say goodbye to the fandom bc I always felt like the merthur fandom was like my family.

I wrote a goodbye post on Tumblr that I set to queue and I had assumed it would post much later. But ig i somehow miscalculated and it posted too early. So someone managed to find my Facebook which is just insane bc blogs are essentially anonymous. I didn't post any personal info on Tumblr. It should have been impossible but they alerted my sister and I was found 45 min away.

The doctors declared me brain dead and it was this huge thing. I had to relearn to feed myself, walk, etc. It took me 6 months just to have the strength to use a walker because my leg muscles had atrophied so much. 9 months later and I was able to walk again on my own. Now it's been 7 years and I'm still physically disabled but in a much better place emotionally. After my attempt, a limelight was cast on my mental health and all a sudden i was seeing all sorts of therapists. I was medicated for the very first time, and i felt so much better. I’m no longer actively suicidal.

So….. enough about my sob story. 

Merthur will most likely always be my OTP!! I did find book!Drarry 8 months ago, and boy did i go wild for them too. (Like, i stayed up 36 hours straight because i couldnt stop thinking about them and i’m the author of the Drarry Bible, a 98k doc of all the drarry book moments along with meta proving that in their universe, they are in love and soulmates lol. Drarry is such a huge ship that I was honestly so surprised that there wasnt already something similar to it!!)

But even with Drarry, I always knew Merthur was OTP!! I never once questioned that I loved Merthur more even during my Merthur hiatus. ^-^ I’m not sure why i took such a long hiatus after my suicide attempt. But I recently got back into Merthur just 6 months ago due to this video by imaginedragonlords: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4zDknYGf0s. The video reminded me of why Merthur was so amazingggggg. Like i always knew they were but ig the passion was gone after the suicide attempt. (Gone but not forgotten lol! :D)

I wont promise the passion will always be here. Like in any relationship, passion sometimes ebbs and flows (happening rn w my irl partner lol i mean, they’re great n all but they like to interrupt me when i write fanfic 😂), but I’ll always know that Merthur will never be replaced. Because at the end of the day, there will never be another love as epic and with as much chemistry as these two gayssssssss<33333 i did find another ship I love that i feel has a more healthy love for ea other than merthur and also waited a whole lifetime for one another, but they dont have AS much chemistry……………)

I love Merthur SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!! And i love my Merthur fandom. <3 I can always rely on fandom to give me my drug of choice: that MERTHUR DOPAMINE HIT!!! I’ve grieved Arthur’s death way longer & more intensely than any irl person/pet’s, & I blame the fandom for that! Each gifset or post will bring all the feelings of pseudo-grief back in full force, plus I cry EASY when it comes to fandom. I can smile a genuine smile after my grieving session is done, because thank SOURCE THEY’RE FICTIONAL! 

And anyway, they’re so obviously going to end up married with so much sex once Arthur finally returns from training with the Sidhe and being granted immortality so that Albion (Merlin) won’t ever be in such crisis (losing his mind from grief) ever again.

I’ve also cried from looking at a gifset of Leon just being Leon (this one literally tagged ‘literally crying’ & i only use that tag for stuff that has me actually crying with real tears).

And he’s not even one of my fave knights!! This gifset wasn't meant to be sad either. lol. I dont know why i cried. It just be like that on Tumblr.

Back before my hiatus, I literally had a Kleeenix box next to me whenever i went on tumblr bc I’d cry over every little thing. This was bc i was bound to see some sad merthur gifset/post/etc, cry, and after i cried once, anything else made me cry……..

Even gifsets of Leon just being Leon lool. x’D I would get soooooo overly emotional. 

My spouse once said, “All you ever talk about with ur fandoms is ‘they’re so gay.’” YES. THAT IS THE MAIN POINT, WHAT ABOUT IT 😂 like im now in the Harry Potter book fandom & i literally dont give a shit about the book plotlines [I barely remember them], but i can write up a whole Bible about Drarry……. It’s PRIORITIES! I have a very 1-track mind with my ships lol.

Ok this was way longer than intended. 

Tldr;

merthur (fandom) literally saved my life during my suicide attempt by alerting my family,

grieving Arthur’s death is a safe outlet bc i know he’s not real so none of my grief is real.

I dont cut, never have, never will—I just hyperventilate way too hard in fits of joy, usually crying “they’re SO GAY!!!” & bite my fingers a tad too hard on accident at times..... i get really super emotional and i love it becos that free dopamine hit is on another lvl fr lol def up there w real drugs, like my out-of-body experience sometimes xD

I feel like im dating them due to being partly aegosexual. and i love them <3 :D So my 11 yr anniversary fr feels like my 11 yr anniversary w an IRL lover lol XD

[linked-history]

So next from the poll was Hermit, though with a surprise cause I am including Age of Calamity into the AU cause why not Fuck with the timeline even further. So I do have the order labeled but from Left to Right we have Age of Calamity, Link from BotW flashbacks, Link waking up on the Plateau, BotW Link in a "Repaired" champion's Tunic, and Tears of the Kingdom/Final Look.

As usual I will be including more information below the cut.

During one of these trips away from the palace, when stopped near the Faron Woods, Link left the camp in the dead of night almost in a trance and returned early the next morning with the Master Sword in hand. From then on his time spent in the Palace Kitchens was over as he was trust into serious training and taught all forms of weaponry.

THE CALAMITY

Link spent much of his younger years within the palace after moving into the barracks with his father, following the deaths of his mother and younger sister when his village was raided by bandits. While he spent some time in the barracks watching his father and the other knights much of his time was spent helping in the kitchen, learning from an elder woman who worked in the kitchen Mihn. He was happy to use his knowledge when he travelled with his father and his troops whenever they left the palace barracks.

It was as the Sheikah were testing the newly excavated Guardians that Zelda was overseeing the knights progress, while also sating her curiosity regarding the Guardians that a stray shot heading towards the princess was deflected by Link and he was quickly appointed as her Guard by the king.

So Link ended up following Zelda, and being hated by the princess as she saw him as a reminder of her failure to unlock her powers, though even after he saved her from the Yiga, during one of her trips visiting Urbosa, she did not completely warm up to him. After that inccident she instead ignored his presence as he tailed her as she continued trying to unlock her powers.

It wasn't until the Calamity struck and Zelda saw just how far Link was willing to go to protect her that she understood just how harsh she was to the boy that had lost just as much as she did, if not more. She tasked the Sheikah traveling with her to transport Link to the Shrine so that he may heal from his injuries while she left to face the Calamity alone and ended up fighting a battle alone that lasted 100 years.

From there Link traveled to the Sheikah and was guided by Impa, gaining memories as he went that left him with mixed feelings towards his goal and the princess who in the end saved his life and has overseen the protection of Hyrule as he healed.

100 YEARS LATER

When Link first awoke on the plateau his memories were gone though, if he had been able to at the time, would explain that the time he spent healing had almost felt like a dream. While on the Plateau he was guided and taught by an Elder male who inhabited the region, who was later revealed to be the King. After activating the towers and completing the shrines on the plateau Link watched as a shadowing mist seemed to almost glide through the air around the broken palace before being pushed back by a light of similar form.

During his journey he worked to free the divine beasts and was forced to face the corrupted remains of those he once called friends 100 years ago as well as defeat the Blights that had killed them. In between Divine Beasts he traveled, retrieved the Master Sword from its resting place and helped the remaining inhabitants of Hyrule who had begun to thrive once again during last 100 years.

After defeating the Calamity his mixed feelings towards Zelda returned, while deep down the task of protecting her arose he memories of her treatment of him until the end, kept from from doing more than escort her to Kakariko and then his home in Hateno that he gifted to her as his last act as her knight before leaving and deciding to continue traveling and helping around Hyrule.

Upon the individual reawakening Zelda was attacked, Link's muscle memory making him move with little thought where he recieved damage to his arm, while the cave system collapsed beneath them and Zelda disappeared in a spark of light. Link met the ghost of Rauru, a past King of the lost Zonai race, and was given direction on how to navigate the new sky islands before he was able to return to the surface with the task of finding Zelda who was still missing and had taken the remains of the Master sword with her to the past, where Rauru explained she was located.

THE UPHEAVAL

With some time away from Zelda following the Calamity's defeat Link found Zelda in one of the new growing settlements close to the palace where he agreed to accompany her into the Palace to explore the lower cave system left by the Calamity under the Palace. While exploring they uncovered mysterious records of an unknown time and age and those who inhabited it. At the deepest part of the cave system they uncovered the remains of an individual left to rot beneath the Palace.

After helping the regions around Hyrule with phenomenon plaguing their areas and retrieving the Master Sword from the light Dragon, Link was able to defeat the remains of the corruption below the palace and the monster that it became, gaining help from the spirits of Rauru and his wife Sonia, who were able to assist in returning Zelda to their time, though she did not return as she once was, she was changed from the events she lived through and her memory of any of the events was broken or hazy at best.

This Zelda understood the mistake of her "alternate" self and repaired the broken connection with Link and was able to lead her people to victory with her knowledge of what the Calamity would use against them, leading to the destruction and repurposing of the Guardians, removing a weapon from the playing field that would've been used against them in the end.

AGE OF CALAMITY

A break in the timeline from the meddling of the Goddesses and the blood and power within Zelda when she awakened her powers. Hyrule was given a second chance against the Calamity as time was reversed a month before the Calamity's attack. As it was Zelda's power that broke the timeline she awoke in this time with knowledge of the Calamity's attack and it was viewed as a prophecy brought on by her divine blood.