#and i just. idk i can't trust myself to rely on anyone

[trashpremiium]

i hate knowing that i’m going to have to reign myself in and make myself palatable for anyone to like me and there’s nothing i can do to make anyone love me in my natural state

[witchspeka]

I dont think Mob is naive as much as he's socially unaware, like the reason why he trusts Reigen so blindly is a bit more complex than just him being naive

Cause Mob reached out to Reigen because he was desperate to find someone like him, someone who understood his psychic specific issues, someone that could truly know what he's feeling and going through and give him guidance and support

Post incident Mob's thinking process was something along the lines of my powers hurt people -> my powers are bad -> my powers (my emotions, my instincts, myself) cannot be trusted

So he lost all confidence and trust in his own actions, resigning to being as passive as possible to avoid any further damage to anyone else, thus he started doubting his own perception of reality too

He's a kid already struggling with being ostracised for being socially inept, who just got traumatised and all of his insecurity increased by the tenfold, he doesn't know how to process what he's going through. He needs help.

And here comes Reigen, seemingly reliable, a responsible adult in a child's eyes, someone who claims he can understand him

Even tho Reigen doesnt. But it doesn't matter, because Mob finds comfort in his words and takes them to heart

Even if Reigen doesn't fully get it, even if he doesn't see the bigger picture, even if his advice isn't always the best

Eventually, Mob grows up, realises Reigen isn't as honest as he seemed through his 11 year old perspective, but like most things, he refuses to acknowledge it on a deeper level

Mob knows, but never tells Reigen, never thinks about what all those lies mean to him (ofc until he forces himself to face those doubts regarding Reigen, to properly acknowledge both of their flaws and accept them as they are, I should scream into the void about Confession Arc more God)

Due to his lack of trust in himself, Mob has relied on Reigen for years now to shape his moral compass, his thoughts, his decisions

Because well, Reigen lies, sure, but he isnt a bad person. When he hurts Mob, it isn't intentional or with ill intent, he still wants the best for him, what's the issue?

Except that it stunts Mob's growth. He doesn't develop as a person, doesn't have goals or wishes or ambitions, can't make choices on his own, he doesn't even let himself acknowledge his own emotions, he refuses to let himself exist

But Mob realises in time that he wants more than that, he wants to become better and be independent and feel again

Still, he puts the acknowledgement of the lies on hold for as long as he can, unwilling to question the way things are

This can make him feel a little naive, he constantly relies on Reigen and trusts his decisions and raises questions rarely until separation arc when he finally puts his foot down

And I do think that moment is the most resounding proof we have that Mob knows and allows himself to be used by Reigen, not wanting to shake the status quo, until he gets fed up

I mentioned the social ineptitude at the beggining but idk if I should even elaborate on that, you've watched the show, you know what I mean

He's blunt and can't read social cues or tonality that well and can't speak in front of crowds and is overall pretty awkward and I do think some people conflate that with naivety

Mob is still a child, he doesnt fully understand how the world works at the ripe age of 14 years old, but some folks take that as him being inherently naive/innocent/whatever which I don't find true

[archiiive]

How To Get My Husband On My Side

I usually love strong female characters and I love reading them. Not a big fan of weak or damsel in distress characters. But RUBY. Idk how to explain my thoughts and feelings about her. Ik it doesn't make any sense but I feel like this is what I'd feel about my own daughter if I had one (I just turned 20 last month lolol). Ruby is by far my most favourite manhwa fmc and the most beautiful girl in my eyes I'm not even exaggerating. Yall won't believe how many times I scroll back to see the panels Ruby is in. I don't think I've even replayed shirtless Izek that many times lmao. I just stare at her in awe. I can't help but smile. I just re read this manhwa for the 4th time today, I just keep coming back here. This manhwa is so beautiful, cute, sad, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time. I cry, smile, laugh, giggle, get angry, so many emotions all at once.

I feel so sad whenever I look at Ruby's eyes. I just wanna give her a hug. Ruby is by far one of the strongest characters I've ever read. Being strong doesn't necessarily mean being physically strong yk. Everything she's gone through, those are unimaginable. The fact that she's still sane is probably the biggest proof of how strong she is. Cause imagine being abused like she was for that many years (even in her previous life, or should I say lives), she's only suffering. I can't imagine how deep the trauma runs.

Every kind of Abuse destroy people. She has gone thorough so many kind of abuses. But man SA has got to be the most horrendous things to ever happen to someone, that too by her own brother, at her own house, for so many years, where the so called brother even spread rumour about their questionable relationship outside just so her marriages could be broken off. I can't imagine going through all of that everyday and still having to smile sweetly 24/7, not having anyone to share these with, no one to rely on and pretending to be completely fine. I'd never be able to last so long, I'd be long gone.

As much as I love Izek now, it's an undeniable fact that he was a jerk to her when she first came here. Okay he had his reasons cause her family couldn't be trusted yada yada but RUBY didn't deserve any of it. Good thing she escaped from the hell, her own house but then came here to be treated like a nuisance by her own husband. Okay he's changed now and he loves her and everything is good so I'll kinda forgive him too cause at least he's giving Ruby the love, warmth, support, reassurance, comfort now. She needed them so bad. She really needed someone to confide in.

Whenever I see her holding things in and not being able to talk about her past traumas and abuse with anyone and silently putting up everything that fu*king Cesare bitch a**hole ugly looking piece of sh*t son of a wh*re does in fear that things will get worse, I just want to go get myself off by a truck and isekai into the story and stab that filthy guy until my hands fall of. I don't think I ever hated or will hate anything as much as I hate Cesare. This manhwa keeps breaking me but I still keep coming back for Ruby and maybe a little bit for Izek too, love to see them together.

I'm so mad she had to endure all of that. Idc what Ruby does or ever did. I'd support her even if she were to take initiative to end the world. I'd gladly let her destroy everything, kill everyone including me if that's what she wanted, I'd give her everything she could've ever asked for and even more cause RUBY my love deserves everything. Okay but why do I sound like a mom tho lolol. I guess Izek has a stronger competition now cause at least I'd never treat that angel like precious munchkin the way he did in the past hmph.

So in conclusion what I wanted to say is, I LOVE RUBY. My loveliest most adorable bestest sweetheart. My heart swells with love everytime she smiles. She shines so bright I fear. Ruby is the most amazing, Ruby is the most beautiful, Ruby is the strongest, i wanna bawl my eyes out everytime I look at her eyes. And if anyone tries to hurt my Ruby and talk shit about her, I'm personally coming for you, you better sleep at night with an eye open. Cause Ruby might be the sweetest but I'm certainly NOT.

[nerves-nebula]

i have a biiiiig problem. i need to get a lot of work done today, but i'm tired and i want to sleep. i know if i take a nap i'll prolly end up asleep for like at LEAST 3 hours, probably morel like 5 hours, and then my sleep schedule will be weird and messed up. but i dont know how productive i'll be right now because i'm miserable so i might just end up wasting 5 hours fucking off getting distracted anyway.

also, BECAUSE I'm fucking miserable i currently hate being alive but i can't kill myself because i have two people in a refugee camp relying on me and i have friends & family who would be sad if i died. but every day is a fucking slog. stuff that's supposed to be fun is a slog. lying in bed for a while and being unconscious would at least fix this a little bit, but i'd still have to work after that. and idk what to do. i don't want to DO anything.

i showed my therapist one of my vents and he tasked me with figuring out where or when I DO feel connected to anything or anyone, even if it's not fully. and i don't know what to tell him. so far the only thing i've come up with is fiction.

like, there are moments with people too, of course. talking to people, but a lot of those moments get spoiled in my memories of them. and i can't trust people. the only places i feel connected to anyone or anything is fiction. but there's not really anywhere for me to go with that.

i think i'm gonna nap. i know it's a bad idea, but i can't stay awake rn.

[miutonium]

I am in my flop era right now and I just want to write what's going on with me lately _(:3」∠)_

I have been feeling meh lately. As everyone already knows, I am dealing with constant feeling of loneliness due to my lost of a long term friendship which has been quite devastating to me because I know a part of me kinda die and I don't feel like I am fully myself or been myself for months now. I dont care if people think it's ridiculous and I'm being dramatic but just like relationship, friends break up too and I am dealing with it. Some days I'll be fine and some days I just feel awful and everything I do just feels like I'm on autopilot. I'm sad but I can't be sad because I just don't have anyone to rely on now so I rather try not to be sad and do something else. I'm trying though.

I think what makes me sad is my acc getting banned out of the blue. I made a private twitter last month that I use to update what I do whenever I want to and it was such a relief and a safe space to me because I had a place to talk with a very small crowd of people I trusted and I was devastated when it was suspended because of bullshit reasons. I quit insta 2 months ago because I realize I am surrounded by self-centered people and I don't update anything personal regarding my life and feelings anymore elsewhere other than this site. I haven't have any long meaningful conversation with anyone irl other than my family for months and only talk to people when it's related to school work or anything non-personal related. I have been actively avoiding people and avoiding talking too long to people for months.

I tried to get back to interacting with others through my private twt acc and I actually feel safe. Now when it's gone Im sad because I can't be myself elsewhere anymore and I just kinda feel like the world is punishing me right now. It's like I don't deserve to have friends and be happy _(:3」∠)_ what if things wont get better for me? Idk I don't want to feed those thoughts but I wont lie, I'm scared if one day I am going to be extremely sad and do dumb things _(:3」∠)_

I still want to live and do good things but it just seems like good things doesn't happen to me lately and everything just looks so muted to me for now

[linabirb]

Hi for the milgram asks

1, 8, and 9 for general questions

1 and 2 for both trials for trial questions

3 for Fuuta, Shidou, Amane, Kotoko, and 5 for Muu for prisoner questions

hi hi thank you sm for the questions!!

"Which Milgram character is your favourite, and why?"

my top faves are mappi, yuno and amane! i really like characters who are like. basically very cute and sweet on the outside but have Something Wrong with them. and these three feel like a very refreshing take on this trope bc mahiru is like. she's not a yandere (even though i do love yanderes..), she's just such a loving person that she doesn't know when to stop and. and i can rely to that a lot 😔 and yuno isn't like, "secretly evil", she's just very cold and empty on the inside and that's all. amane is more similar to characters that i usually tend to like and i love how at the same time she's a very traumatized child, but also i do believe that she committed her murder for the sake of her faith and not.. idk.. self-defense?.. i also like haruka and muu but i also get second-hand embarrassment from them sometimes bc these mentally ill teenagers remind me of myself when i was a mentally ill teenager a bit too much /lh

"Which prisoner do you think you would get on with the least if you met in person, and why?"

honestly i really don't think i would get along with any of them irl 😭 i'd be too terrified.. i think it would most likely be haruka or muu bc long story short i had my experience with people who got a bit too attached to me. did not like that. but also bc i'd just see them as really annoying irl, i'm sorry..

"Which prisoner's signature colour do you like the most?"

yuno's! pink 💞💕💘💝💖💗💓

"Which trial (number) verdict do you agree with the most?"

for trial 1.. i think fuuta? fuuta's crime is something that personally. um. i don't wanna say disgusts me but it's an emotion close to that. sorry to all fuuta fans i really don't care much about him feeling sorry about it and possibly changing, he's a grown man and he should've known better.

for trial 2, im gonna say it. i do agree with haruka's verdict the most. i honestly hate the way fandom treats him as a cute little baby and a pure cinnamon roll and constantly goes "oh okay if you voted him guilty you just hate autistic people", there is something very wrong with haruka and his murder and him killing animals is something that is very. hm. how do i say this. makes me want to punch him or something. i don't care how supportive people say they are, treat him like a normal human being and accept his flaws and accept that he's a murderer just like the others and that his possible disability can explain his actions but doesn't excuse them.

"Which trial (number) verdict do you disagree with the most?"

for trial 1. yeah i think muu should've been voted guilty back then tbh. sure maybe after pain does look sad and make her look like a victim out of context but then you listen to her vd and you're like. the red flags were always there 😭😭 this is not me denying that she was bullied, she definitely was, but it doesn't mean that i can still forgive her that easily AND i say that as someone who was horribly bullied for a huge part of my life.

for trial 2. i look around. i make sure nobody can hear me. i say kazui and refuse to elaborate and leave.

SHSJSKSKKS listen i don't care about kazui. like. at all. he's not my type of character sorry. but i think i'd be more interested in him if the fandom wasn't so focused on his sexuality and ignored other parts of his character. honestly i don't even know if there are any other parts of his character anymore. but i still can't forgive him for what he's done tbh. BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING most people are extremely homophobic and transphobic where i live, so i understand his situation perfectly (IF most theories about him really are true), but something about him just. i cannot trust this man. i feel too sorry for hinako honestly. i can talk about this more but i won't because he's this fandom's beloved old man so i'll shut up.

"What do you think of (name)'s verdict/s?"

fuuta: again, he deserved the t1 guilty and i did vote him inno during the second trial because i felt sorry for him, but i wouldn't be surprised if he did something that changed my opinion and made me vote him guilty during the third trial.

shidou: i am so sorry i don't care about milgram guys at all, haruka is like the only exception 😭 i guess his verdicts are. fine? i did vote him inno during the second trial though i'd probably vote him guilty if i got into milgram earlier. just like with fuuta, i will not hesitate to vote him guilty in the future if something happens.

amane: milgram fandom hates children especially traumatized ones that's all im gonna say. yes i can be a bit mean to haruka and muu, but amane is a huge comfort character to me and her experiences are very similar to my own, so seeing the fandom prioritize characters like shidou over A LITERAL CHILD is. hm. hey guys are you normal about children with religious trauma. oh also forgot to add, children with religious trauma who don't act like perfect victims and who can snap and act out and who refuse to accept that they were abused? i'm happy that she finally got an inno verdict (I WAS FIGHTING FOR HER ALMOST FOR THE ENTIRETY OF HER TRIAL..) but i do wish the percentage was bigger. it makes me sad every time i see it.

kotoko: i actually was kinda surprised when i found out she was voted inno in s1?.. like idk when i saw her for the first time, i was like "okay i do not like where this is going"? ig the fandom just went "yesssss you go girlboss" and that's it shsjskks. but anyway congrats on your t2 verdict guilty queen ✨✨

"What do you think of (name)'s song/s?"

muu: i like them! like them a lot! though i don't really vibe with her version of otome kaibou, like it just doesn't sound right to me.. but i do like her mkdr/dscf cover a lot! my fav muu song is probably still after pain, i think inmf is fun, but it's a bit too short for me and it feels kinda incomplete.

[bluegumballmf]

Dog i watched this analysis over cloud strife's mental illness and perception and lowkey it got me thinking about naz

Like

i know at first glance he's perceived like this edgy emo aloof mf type, but like He's really not he's just extremely socially awkward and even a little stunted

And it relates back to the video in the sense that cloud has this false persona that he takes up to make himself seem stronger and as a coping mechanism And ngl that reminds me of naz too because in the stasis arc he has to toughen up and ascend past mortality so he can unstigmatize stasis, even if he didn't want to

So like Cloud pretends to be a genetically modified state of the art SOLDIER and Naz pretends to be a natural deity and it becomes a coping mechanism for both of them, to the point where they lose their sense of self

And both have ptsd, that presents itself in really similar ways

Like

aloof usually

struggles with social cues

typically pushes loved ones away if hurt

reverts to masking if perceived to be in harm

and then like both of them have to work to be able to let their facades fall down and both of them are kind of a deconstruction of the "cool strong aloof protagonist" because while they can be strong and they can be aloof, in the end they're both country boys who grew up with mental illnesses and never recovered while gaining more trauma and mental illnesses

And also like they have to work to even trust people that deem themselves as their friends because their sense of trust is so damaged that it's hard to take people like that at face value

Add in the fact that Naz can't save myn no matter what he does and Cloud can't save aerith no matter what he does, and we have ourselves another parallel

also the fact that in advent children/ in Naz’s canon,

cloud struggles with geostigmatism, which i tend to perceive as a chronic pain problem.

Naz also has a sort of chronic pain problem, in the form of stasis chains, as well as tremors.

The way they both deal with these issues is similar too, with cloud isolating himself from his family, and Naz isolating himself from everyone else. They both don’t feel worthy enough to rely on anyone else for help with their struggle, as some people with mental illness are known to do, myself included. Moving away from this and back to my other point about masking, they are shown to occasionally let their own personality shown through the cracks of their mask and it’s entirely different then the one they’ve built up.

for instance; cloud is a little dorky and sarcastic, and honestly seems a little shy at times.

meanwhile naz is more playful and gentle, extremely caring and affectionate when in a space where he can’t keep up the mask.

idk they just. Remind me so much of eachother.

[tinywitchgoblin]

I just finish reading your whole masterlist and I’m so glad that this context exists to itch my clone wars fixation.

I was wondering if I could get a tbb ship? Thank you, thank you! :)

ENTP, 7w8, Ravenclaw

Pros: witty, clever, optimistic, curious, charismatic, observant, perceptive, funny, patient, reliable, organized, capable, still has inner child, forgiving, endearing

- Tends to always put others first, akin to an older sister like figure, not so much a mom. I believe in letting people have fun and make their own mistakes as opposed to stopping them, they’ll learn better that way.

- Really personal, I love getting to know people I’d like to think I’m easy to talk to!

- I believe that inherently everyone’s a good person!

- Extremely loyal friend, everyone makes mistakes but you’re a good friend if you see those people through their mistakes.

Cons: loud, snarky, can be deceptive, stubborn, impulsive, spreads myself thin a lot, moody, guarded, sneaky, secretive

- I might tend to lie, never about huge stuff, just small stuff usually to elicit entertainment or reactions.

- Too trusting always gives the benefit of the doubt, idk it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would do anything I wouldn’t.

- Quick to anger. Feels like there’s no lead up because I have a high capacity for patience, but also quicker to boil over and apologize.

- People pleaser so I have a hard time saying “no” to things. Gets me into a lot of situations I don’t want to be in.

- Will tease/poke fun of people, never in a mean spirited way but may come off rude??

- While I like getting to know people, I hate when they try to get to know me below the surface. Huge fear of intimacy.

Looks: face has ingenue essence, small in all aspects (but mentally I think I’m like 6’8”)

Love language (giving): Acts of service and quality time

- Bashful when I TRULY like someone! I flirt by being extra mean/snarky.

- I’ve been told I’m UNINTENTIONALLY flirty, I just like talking to people.

- Love/relationships = growth imo. You should always strive to be growing with each other. No one’s ever a perfect match for anyone, it’s your willingness to compromise, learn, and grow that turns you into that “special someone”.

Likes: music (all genres; currently into bebop jazz), reading, traveling/exploring, group settings, planning, skincare, sunshine, summer, fishing, stationery, arcades (love prize machines/games), naps.

Dislikes: super sensitive to tones of voice (don’t yell at me, I’ll cry), diverging from the plan, losing, being mad (I cry because I end up feeling bad for being mad at people), rain/snow, waking up, being rushed, social media.

Thanks for participating!

I ship you with...

Echo!

Something Echo never saw himself enjoying was fishing, but once you took him out one evening, it became one of his favorite activities. He loves when it's just you and him on the water, lines cast, your head laying on his shoulder. Even if neither of you catch anything, it's the quality time with his favorite person (you!) that matters the most to him. And when you do catch stuff, it can be brought back for one of his brothers to cook up and everyone can enjoy it!

Another favorite activity is going to arcades. Back when he was still with the 501st, he and the boys would go to arcades when they had shore leave and play those games to their hearts' content. He still gets a bittersweet feeling every time he walks in because it makes him miss his 501st brothers, but he still enjoys being with you... and thinking of all of the mischief you and Fives would'e gotten into. Y'all would've won all of the prizes if left unsupervised.

Echo always loves being with you, but he's especially grateful for you on the rough days. The days where he can't so much as walk by a mirror and feel revolted. The days he's in so much pain he can hardly get out of bed. The days his mind will not quiet down, reminding him of all the shit he's been through. When those days come, he knows he can rely on you. You're always willing to help him out, whether that be by making sure he eats/drinks enough, making sure his prosthetics are cared for, getting him pain meds, or just being there with him, you anchor him to reality. It's times like that where he realizes he would cross the galaxy, move planets, do anything and everything to show you even a fraction of the loce you show to him on a daily basis.

-

Thanks for reading! If you want a ship request like this one, drop it in my ask box, and don't forget to reblog 💚 it may take a little bit, but I'll get to it eventually!

[tadpolesonalgae]

AHHHH u don't know how happy i am that ppl are talking abt Please... bc i remember stumbling upon that fic and seeing that it's been a while since the third part and kinda dejectedly accepting that would be the last of the fic we get 💔

u mentioned that the relationship between azriel and reader will likely not be something romantic or sexual. what kind of vibe would their relationship be in that case? because i think in that fic, ur descriptions of how they perceive each other and themselves were a bit more sensible(?) than the actual books (sorry sjm lmao) in that they both seem to acknowledge that a 500+ year gap is..... y'know.. a pretty big difference and that there's an insane gulf of just, experience in life/war/knowledge/etc due to that age gap despite how powerful reader can be with her truthtelling? powers.

for some reason i can't see them being friends? it feels more like,, a mentor-mentee type of relationship.

idk if az has actually been portrayed like that or if my brain has just convinced myself so with wishful thinking 🤭 but i think he has a somewhat? protective??? nature about reader???????? like he knows that she grew up in hewn city and under keir's "parenting" no less so he's aware what she's been taught and molded to be made into. but he also seems to know she shouldn't be in that type of environment? idk again maybe i've just been imagining things lol.

like, reader seems oddly naive and almost pure despite the cruelties she probably witnessed and been subjected to (if the implied language throughout the fic meant anything). in part 1 she allowed azriel, a 500+ y/o fae who literally pointed a knife to her face 2 seconds ago, to touch her with more or less no way to protect herself had azriel decided to do something she didn't want him to. and there's just slivers of moments throughout the fic that kinda makes u want to hug her bc girlie seems so lost abt herself and the world 😭😭 it's just very clear that she doesn't really have anyone to rely on so she latched on to the first person that showed Any ounce of human decency, and az isn't even overtly kind to her 😭 bro threatened to kill her so he could get the veritas thing and yet EVEN THEN he's still one of the nicer ppl she's met in her life (considering she trusted him enough to make the deal to have him touch her + asked him to comeback himself when returning it + doesn't hesitate when revealing potentially sensitive info + the way she subconsciously brought herself infront of his tent in part 3)

ALSO have reader and mor interacted with each other at all throughout her life???? i'm assuming they're sisters through keir (probably half sisters? idk if this has been addressed in the fic it's been a while since i've read it). i ask bc i can't imagine mor or even rhys would've just let her grow up in hewn city alone knowing how it was like for mor. so i've been assuming that keir probably hid reader or kept her sheltered to some degree before she reached a certain age or started to become useful to him with her powers, and at that point it was kinda too late for the ic to intervene or smth. now i'm wondering if reader harbours any resentment or emotion towards mor and/or rhysand, or if it's more of a disinterest like "that's someone that's apparently related to me but i don't rlly know them so 🤷‍♀️". i think there was a moment in part 1 that indicates that reader is scared of rhy's powers and him potentially wiping her memory during the i'll-give-you-the-veritas-if-you-touch-me deal thing so maybe there isn't any familiarity between them beyond that he's high lord of the night court 🤔

anyways sorry if i just started assuming a bunch of things that weren't there in the fic but something about Please... just makes me feral and want to go into hyper analyzing mode bc the plot, her being keir's daughter, the dynamic w her and az, all of it is so interesting to me

‘i remember stumbling upon that fic and seeing that it's been a while since the third part and kinda dejectedly accepting that would be the last of the fic we get 💔’

Oh my gosh no, please always feel free to drop by and ask about future parts to fics—I often get preoccupied with cbmthy so forget I have other things that people might be here for 🫠

I’ve actually started on Part 4 for please… and have gotten some future scenes planned out if you still want more after the next chapter!🧡💛

‘because i think in that fic, ur descriptions of how they perceive each other and themselves were a bit more sensible(?) than the actual books (sorry sjm lmao) in that they both seem to acknowledge that a 500+ year gap is..... y'know..’

That’s so sweet to say 😭 thank you 🫂

Honestly with please… reader is supposed to be in a pretty bad situation but not overly concerned about it? Sure it would be nice to leave, but she doesn’t imagine that’s possible so is content to set her mind to use by guarding Kier’s trove of treasures. Then with the strict court rules (particularly for her, being kier’s offspring and also female) she point blank doesn’t have an interest in finding someone else since that’s not what she’s been raised on? So when Az comes along, sure he’s beautiful, but he’s the High Lord’s Spymaster first and foremost, probably quite a few levels above her in terms of hierarchy, but on fairly similar footing hence the wariness but not blatant disinterest on her part.

‘sensible(?)’

I’m so sorry to go on a tangent here, but I’ve never seen anyone else do the ‘(?)’ thing (I might just have an awful memory though, sorry if I do 🫢) It’s such a useful little marker, I used to use it all the time in high-school essays when I was unsure about quotes 🤦

Anyway, tangent over! Sorry!

‘for some reason i can't see them being friends? it feels more like,, a mentor-mentee type of relationship.’

I think reader craves a companion of sorts and Az is currently the closest she has to that ideal. Though I agree I can’t see them forming a friendship in the traditional sense? Maybe they might grow to that in a century or two, but like you said with the vast difference in experience I imagine it would take a while for them to reach a similar level of understanding :)

‘idk if az has actually been portrayed like that or if my brain has just convinced myself so with wishful thinking 🤭 but i think he has a somewhat? protective??? nature about reader????????’

Stop because I read through the last three parts last night to help with writing part 4 and I can’t pull their dynamic to mind at the moment 🤦

I think in part 3 though there is that scene where he looks after her a little because he sees some shards of himself in her from the angle of being made to inflict torture on someone? But after having hurt a person together, I think reader might become a little shaky around him specifically, so we’ll see what happens in part 4 🫣🧡💛

‘like, reader seems oddly naive and almost pure despite the cruelties she probably witnessed and been subjected to (if the implied language throughout the fic meant anything).’

So we haven’t really gotten to see much of that (mainly because I hadn’t intended this to be so plot-heavy but shh) but I suppose it’s more indifference to the things that happen around her rather than ignorance/her being unaware of them. I’d say it’s why she’s more blasé when Az first finds her in part one, because she knows he can’t just kill her despite having the ability to, if that makes sense?

‘she allowed azriel, a 500+ y/o fae who literally pointed a knife to her face 2 seconds ago, to touch her with more or less no way to protect herself had azriel decided to do something she didn't want him to.’

This is probably something I’ll be touching more on in part 4 and that was kind of alluded to in part 3, but with her powers of truth she’s able to get a general sense of a person. Obviously she’s still pretty young compared to other fae and has grown up in the Hewn city, so the types of people she’s encountered have been mostly the same which makes things a little difficult. However, she didn’t get the impression Azriel particularly wanted to kill her, or that he was particularly untrustworthy which is why she was so ready to make a deal with him. (That and also girlie just needed to feel something, desperately)

‘it's just very clear that she doesn't really have anyone to rely on so she latched on to the first person that showed Any ounce of human decency, and az isn't even overtly kind to her 😭’

Compared to how he can be with his family, no he wasn’t kind to her, but he wasn’t cruel to her—which, having grown up in the Hewn City, is as good as wrapping her up in a warm blanket and setting a tray full of delicious food on her lap. Although I think he’s gotten a little more gentle with her in part 3? Maybe? 😶

‘so i've been assuming that keir probably hid reader or kept her sheltered to some degree before she reached a certain age or started to become useful to him with her powers, and at that point it was kinda too late for the ic to intervene or smth.’

Unfortunately again, I hadn’t really considered this angle 😶‍🌫️

I’d have to agree with you that Kier would have kept her hidden otherwise I feel like Mor would have been right there from day one to make sure her younger sister wouldn’t have to endure what she did.

With whether or not reader harnesses any resentment toward the IC, I’d say it’s a bit of a mix? She’d scared of Rhys, as literally anyone in the Hewn City should be, considering what sort of person he becomes, but beyond fear and maybe a twinge of admiration for Mor I don’t think she has particularly strong feelings toward them :/

‘anyways sorry if i just started assuming a bunch of things that weren't there in the fic but something about Please... just makes me feral and want to go into hyper analyzing mode bc the plot, her being keir's daughter, the dynamic w her and az, all of it is so interesting to me’

It’s no problem at all!!

It might take me a while to respond to slightly longer asks is all, but if you’re fine with that then I love getting to read through these!! I’m pretty sure you’re the first person to talk about please… specifically in such depth (which is so flattering, thank you so much) so I’m really happy to have a reason to return to it and I hope part 4 will have a similar essence of what you enjoyed in the first three parts! 🧡💛

[majorbaby]

I don't know if you would give advice but I followed you for a few months and I want to ask if you have any advice for promoting my fic. I worked really hard on it but it didn't get many hits, forget about comments or kudos. I know I can't expect anyone to give my fic attention but it's still kind of disappointing.

It feels even worse in a small fandom because it's not like if I write a supernatural fic I would be surprised if it got overlooked. Do you have any advice for how to make friends who might do exchanges or something else? I just don't know where to start.

i think the number one piece of advice i'd have is to literally just talk to people. initiate more of the interactions you'd like to have - leave comments and kudos, follow people, reblog their work and comment on it in the tags.

don't feel bad about self-reblogging or cross-posting your work. i actually should be better about self-reblogging my own stuff, idk why it feels so weird to do - this is my blog, i can do whatever i want forever here.

there's some strategic things you can do. write to popular tropes or ships or what have you. i'm personally something of an "i write for myself" absolutist, so i don't have experience with that but there is a reason why popular things are popular, so if that's important to you, there's an option. i also don't know how well i would do in an exchange because as i said, i don't want to write something that i wouldn't read, but fic fests are an option. for a smaller fandom like MASH, general fandom events e.g. flufftober and kinktober are probably easier to find.

if you're willing to write to prompts, you can reblog some of those ask games where you write a drabble for someone based on a prompt. if you're looking to make friends, you can stipulate that only non-anon asks will be answered.

this is my objective advice, but if you want my personal opinion, i think it's worth it to ask yourself what kind of attention you're looking for and how much of it do you think you need in order to feel satisfied. i'm not saying it's bad to want or enjoy attention but it's harder to achieve goals that rely on the contributions of others (how other people view your work) than it is to achieve goals that rely on your own contributions, or the input of people you know and trust (how you and your friends view your work).

[thatonesystemig]

Another sad vent abt a dog that used to be mine that now belongs to my exes

I really miss Sadie. I miss her soft fur and her kisses and her comfort. I need her more now then ever but now there's a huge void where she should be and I'm never going to fucking see her again.

I trust her with them at least bc they treat animals better than they treated me so. There's that.

A reason why I kept talking to them and was afraid to break off the "friendship" with them is bc I was preparing to get her back. I thought that after my fiancé's dog that attacks other female dogs, Valentine, passed from her cancer I'd be able to finally have her back but then they cut me off around the time she passed.

Another thing is I would've probably have to send someone else to pick her up bc I can't be around them. I already fear going out in public and barely leave the house bc I'm afraid of the chance of running into them bc I live relatively close to where they live. Ik that if I ever see them I'll have a public breakdown and I really don't want to give them that satisfaction or let them have control over me like that.

I also don't want to fight bc im terrified of them and know that at this point she's legally theirs and theyd probably fight to keep her out of spite.

I miss her so fucking badly every day and I feel. So guilty that I've never had the chance to take her back until right before shit hit the fan.

She chose me when she was a puppy. She plopped down right on my foot when all the other puppies would run away from me.

She was my Sadie Bear. There's not another dog out there like her. She held me together when I was falling apart. She was my baby.

I'm having to come to terms with never seeing her again and it's hard. Some of my dreams are about seeing her again and holding her hahaha.

I should've kept my mouth shut and not have told anyone what they did to me until after I got her back. That's my biggest regret, but I was so desperate for help and the memories kept hitting me and I was diving into psychosis over a period of months after the breakup and didnt want to suffer silently alone bc i wouldve taken my own life.

I'm so fucking weak. I have the curse of relying on anyone else besides myself when I'm falling apart because I can't do all this shit alone because it's just too fucking much. I should've held on and fought for her. I shouldn't have let my brain imprison me. I hate myself so fucking much for this.

I just hope she's doing okay and getting plenty of love. She deserves it. I really hope they treat her well and hope to hell they're not taking shit out on her because of me. I don't think they're those kind of people but. I didn't think they were either when they did that shit to me so idk anymore. All I can do is pray.

[darkroomofsecrets]

I'm really stressed rn because I feel like I've been overwhelming myself with work and school and family and friends and relationships for a long time and its finally catching up to me...I don't get how people have time for everything while remaining sane.

I was just reflecting on how the past couple years ive become this person that is constantly overworking myself and can't allow myself to just relax and spend a day doing nothing without feeling guilty and it's so weird because I know this is who I am now but at the same time I barely recognize myself as this kind of person. it's so strange because a lot of the people in my life now have told me they admire this about me, but I'm still accepting that this is who I am. like my therapist told me a while ago that she could tell from the moment she met me that I'm the type of person who has to have my life together because if at any point I feel like my life isn't in control than it makes me spiral due to me learning as a child that the only person I can rely on is myself. and though I agree, I never thought about how I wasn't actually this way until a few years ago, and I'm just now realizing why.

for most of my teen years/early adulthood I relied on my ex on a lot and allowed him to be there for me because like any normal bf, he was there for me. until he wasn't. lol. and I think that retriggered my childhood abandonment wounds, reinforcing the idea that the only person there for me is myself and the only person I can rely on is myself. because if the people who have had the biggest impact on my life, my parents and my bf at the time (who was part of my life for 1/3 of my life), have showed me that they aren't there for me then... obviously that's going to have an affect on me lol. and to add on to that my mom acting like it was the end of the world that I had to move back into my room that she converted into her "office/craft room" when I told her I broke up with my bf and needed to get out of our apartment asap...literally fuck everyone lmfao the only person that has consistently been there for me is my grandma. except she did make a comment about wanting to visit my ex at his job because "I love him he didn't do anything to me". obviously she doesn't know about everything leading up to me breaking up with him and how he's acted since but it still kinda sucks. it just shows that she is genuine and really loved and cared about him, even though he doesn't deserve it. but the fact that all of this has turned me into this hyper-independent person that has no time for anyone makes a lot of sense.

in one sense, I'm glad all this happened and has taught me that the only person I have is myself. because I am actually working towards building a life I deserve and want now. but in another sense, I don't want to be the type of person that blocks all connections and builds walls between themselves and other people because they're scared of getting hurt. there's a fine line between being busy and working on yourself and being stuck in a hyper-independent, trust-no-one mindset and I'm really trying to not cross that line. but sometimes I wonder if my priorities are out of wack. like I'm 25 and not as far in life as I would like to be because I fucked around too much when I was younger and now I feel like I have to make up for it and do as much as I can until I reach those goals. but also I'm still somewhat young and feel like I should be prioritizing friendships and allowing myself to make romantic connections but its hard to do that while being in school and working. also...I did work on my and prioritize my relationship for most of the last 10 years of my life and look where it got me...idk I'm Lost

[fellasleepinbaltimore]

idk I just kinda realized that american culture teaches you to not really give a shit about other people much like... it's so self involved and independent that like I feel like a lot of us just view greater society as something to keep out? GGHYJU idk if I'm exposing myself or not idk but like well maybe it's just how I was raised idk but there's a great distrust of government but there's also a deep distrust of other people? so it's like you can't trust or rely on anyone ur basically an island and even the closest people in your life you're only so involved with

like self-determination and autonomy isn't a bad thing to value or anything I just think it changes the way people view each other and themselves like when you live like that when you aren't owed anything you don't owe anything to anyone add into that the idea of like earning or deserving and fighting scrapping for every little thing it's like... you suffer and you suffer alone and people walk right by you and they hate seeing you bc they know it's wrong in some way, but you act as a reminder that it could be them and they are just as unprotected

[thebigsick]

venting in the safe house

if someone finds me on tumblr then i gotta end it all. just somewhere to speak my mind, hopefully find relief for the thoughts having. i keep thinking someone is coming behind me but its 12:30. i find myself in a redundant cycle of "attachment" issues with people, i want to leave the only real "friends" i have and just be myself, or just ghost everyone i know because everything so far has just been a waste of time. all the time shared with my friends was for nothing as i realize i "don't even really like them". I start thinking that and it's not real, it's not true, it's probably not honest. I see everyones lives progressing and moving in a great direction, the way id want mine to be but it feels like i just keep getting held back for a reason. i keep feeling like i have no real attachment to these people. at the end of the day, after all the things we do and say like getting food and laughing or making fun of other people, there is nothing solid between and any of them. they all wanna hang out with each other and some people just between them, but never everyone. sometimes i'm excluded and usually i get it; people do their own thing and i shouldn't be reliant on others for my happiness but they are supposed to be -my friends-. when i'm bored i talk with -my friends-, when i want to hang out i message -my friends-, when i have problems i can tell -my friends-. it's not like that tho and i get i can't have it they way "I want to", i just wish i some form of that. it feels like everyone has a much stronger bond to each other except me. i'm a loose end, it doesn't matter that much if i am there when they're hanging out or not. it seems like everyone has that thing to back to, that thing to fall back onto, that safety pad but i don't. I can't explain it that well but i will try. i don't think i'm close with anyone enough to rely on them the way everyone has/does.

i feel lonely around this time of year, it's annoying. i have been telling myself i dont need anyone for a long time, now it feels like the castle of lies ive built for myself is coming crashing down. i think someone like me, someone in my situation or in my position should have a kind of person like that, but no. idk why i think especially me but i think that would be nice. it would be great to have that sort of connection. its so late jeez work tmr too. i think ive been trying to fill my time/ keep my myself busy to avoid feeling like this. it has worked so far but it feels the effect just wore off. maybe this is a moment of weakness but the feelings have stuck with me for some time. iv'e had these thoughts many times before but never got them together and written them down. again, i wish i could tell someone i trust this instead.

my worst fear coming from this is that my friends will move on past me and hang out with each other because they are closer or have more similar personalities. i know our friends aren't perfect but it feels like their flaws are being amplified right now. i gotta brush my teeth.

ok done. my airpods are shit too. had some time to reflect and these thoughts will probably age poorly, whatever. i think i said "but" too much, its ok. i think this form of venting is helpful for me because it's like im telling someone this. i know no one is gonna see it yet it feels like the only way to could actually relieve myself from the dark room my mind is in rn. i hope it gets better. its 1am. idc we up already so long atp couple minutes cant make much difference. I wish someone was there for me emotionally. i dont think i have a "ton of baggage" but for the basic stuff. i dont know how my mom does it. just her, for years. she has more actual problems too. she is the strongest no doubt.

it doesn't seem like anyone actually wants -me-. if we are talking about making jokes, playing the game, music making talk, it's great. but when it comes to real, deep, ego-hurting feelings we all have, im a ghost. no one turns to me or think i need someone to turn to.

you know it might actually be partly my fault for not being vulnerable but that's only because i have some trust issues i think. just wish i had that one person, that ride or die, that go out "guns-a-blazin" person. im 16 now and im feeling like i might never get that person for myself. its like there was a pre-partner choosing period that i missed and now that we started, i'm stuck by myself.

im definitely not ugly or anything like that so i dont issues of that stuff, its purely rejection. lets say if i start talking to a girl i like, what i think very likely will happen will be this: we start talking, i do most of talking, the start and end of the conversation. she is clearly not interested in me but is just messaging because shes bored. she tells her friends about how i keep messaging her and dont stop. i try to move past the talking stage and she shuts it down. things are weird with us and i try to talk to someone about it and *poof*. nothing.

this music is really my main thing 🤞🏾. listening to it and making it has been there everyday for me for years. people must think i have it figured it out, right? There isn't a support system for this stuff. I MEAN theres OBVIOUSLY the "yo ur music is acc fire" comments all the time which i am honestly grateful for but it doesn't seem like anyone truly cares about this shit as much i do at all and you know, that's ok. if that was my only issue i had, id be that guy fr. it's just another thing.

i hope i find it tho, so badly, i think it would be such a positive impact on my life. maybe this music shit could get me that attention im so badly craving but probably not. is that it tho? am i just craving attention? is the lack of attention in my life effecting everything else? i hope this inspires me to go find that someone. i essentially want that special someone is what ive been trying to say this whole time but when i say it like this, i just think "wow buddy, you and everyone else".

[diary-of-a-sad-panda]

July 29th, 2013 1:44 AM

It's a terrible thing to cry alone. But I really shouldn't complain, other people have it worse than me. I don't know, I wish I could die right now, but I'm scared of what happens after. Where do we go. Idk I feel so sad and lonely. Cause really people don't understand how I feel, why couldn't I have been a more open person. This life feels more and more like a burden than a gift. How lonely. I hope no one ever feels the way I do. I want to cry to someone. I want to scream soo loud, but I can't. A little person too afraid. No one should ever feel bad for me.

My lonely little set up. It hurts. More than anything. Being shot at would be less painful than this. That's why I'll never let anyone see me in this pitiful little state. I guess this is to be expected. Trusting someone too easily only leads to disappointment.

Just so I can get over this. Someone I can sob my eyes out to in their arms. I can't. People wonder why trust is a privilege, it's because sometimes they can't handle it and run away. They pretend to go on with life as if nothing happened. While the other is left with their own problem to clean up all by themselves. "Selene" "Brad" "Selene" A shattered heart physically hurts. If King, Effie, Hilly, Fey, or Francy had their hearts broken like this I would personally murder them. Not in a tough way but I would beat them up [the person who hurt them]. Because in my eyes they're too kind and weak to be able to ha[ndle] this pain. It's terrible. It's ok, I'll bear with this. Because I've gained one chocha [?] you can only rely on yourself, don't trust anybody, don't let anyone in. Keep to yourself. You can be happy on the outside and sad on the inside, it's all about facades. Be nice to others because everyone has their own sadness. Don't make decisions when you're depressed. Sigh. I'm all alone with Bob, like old times, except now I'm more depressed. Someone please save me from myself.

[matan4il]

I know people still have hope, but it will take some miracle work writing to successfully get themselves out of the corner they've painted themselves into.

If this was real instead of fiction, Eddie is going to be miserable and Chris is going to feel so guilty for what he has done. He's old enough to understand what he said was detrimental to Eddie. Does he even really want Eddie to quit after calling him his hero several times over the seasons? Is Eddie hiding behind Chris because he knows he's slowly falling apart?

If they don't show the both of them getting therapy, both together and separately, and actually /talking/ things through instead of bottling them up until they explode...

Eddie said he wanted Chris to learn to show his emotions, but kids learn the most from their parents. Eddie is failing Chris here. He needs to break the chains caused by his own upbringing. Until there is open communication, everyone is going to /hurt/ - Eddie, Chris, the 118 crew, and Buck. Good grief, Buck already has abandonment issues.

The only way they might get this right is if the writers talk to /real/ therapists about how they would handle this situation. Not pull how they think it should go out of their rears.

I do see the missing Albert coming in to fill Eddie's position, maybe? We've been wondering where he is.

For now, I can't bring myself to continue watching unless I hear otherwise, despite OS's interviews.

After that rant, all I can think to write to maybe make this a slightly happier ask is Happy Holidays!

Hi Nonnie! Thank you so much for that kind wish, I hope you're having a wonderful holiday season as well!

as for the rant, I'm glad you got it out, it's always better to voice frustrations. And I hope you felt better after sending this in!

IDK if it helps, or if you're looking for some positives, you def have my sympathy, 'coz I feel you, I get where you're coming from, but I am gonna try to offer some words of encouragement. First of all, I do think Eddie's move away from the 118 is temporary (if it ends up happening at all), and I think I went into the most details about why in my 510 meta and in this ask where I also referred to Albert's return which is unlikely from what I could gather...

I also agree they really need communication and help. I think this season has been building up to it, everything is fitting in correctly, so I trust that just like the show managed to give us this convincing build up on what the Diaz boys need next, it will also deliver on that.

As for Chris, no doubt he IS proud of Eddie, of his firefighter job and being a certified (literally!) hero. We don't yet know how Chris feels about his dad leaving the 118 and there are a lot of ways to tackle this, 'coz he's also a traumatized kid who already lost one parent unexpectedly to a violent death. It'll be interesting to see how 911 will explore this ambivalence in his experiences. I do trust they will do so respectfully and will rely on adults (including professionals) showing Chris what are healthy ways to cope with anxiety.

Thank you for sharing and I do hope you're feeling better, hon! xoxox

To anyone else who sent me an ask, I am going through all of them, thank you so much for your patience! If you wanna check whether I've replied to yours yet, you can have a look at my ask tag. xoxox