#and i just know if/when i get a job itll be about a month and then ill burn out again

[kittykatinabag]

Hate that the LinkedIn app is better functioning than the LinkedIn website.

I'm millennial-coded, I don't like doing important things like applying to jobs on the small screen.

[be-good-to-bugs]

never again would i like to work on Halloween

[whoreishghost]

pls help us !

me n my gf are completely fucked with our finances and need whatever help we can get. we have about 1 month of rent n bills left before we are completely out of money.

we have applied to benefits but had to reapply bc some idiot cancelled ours by accident so we have to start from scratch. we have no idea when we will get these or how much itll be.

both of us r looking for work but the market is shit rn as im sure u know and cost of living is hell.

we dont have a set goal but our rent is £1200 and bills r about £150 + £100 on food so if we can get somewhere in in £1500 area we will be set for a month more and may be able to get uc and jobs in that time.

if u want something in return i can send nudes and stuff like that for a price just dm me :)

any amount helps :)

p*ypal.me/jusafn

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for telling my brother that he has to break up with his gf of 3 years

⛸️✈️ (so i can recognize this ask)

tw for obsessive behavior and slight mention of incest (nothing about actual incest just creepy shit that my brothers gf did itll make more sense if you read it)

it sounds bad i know but hear me out

my brother (28M) has been dating this girl (30F) who we will call Kate for about 3 years but recently i (16X) told him to break up with her.

my brother and i have been very close since i was little and he practically raised me. ive seen him try to find love before but never successfully so when he told me he was dating a girl online i was really happy for him. i had my doubts but i just kept it to myself because he was happy and thats all that really matters to me. they had visited before, and when i met kate she was super nice and i really enjoyed hanging out with her too. and then about a year ago they decided to move in together. however kate didnt want to move away from her family so my brother moved across the country to live with her. at this point she was 29, didnt have her drivers license, lived with her mom and worked at walmart. they had agreed that if my brother moved out there kate would get her license, they would find an apartment, and she would try and get a better job. so my brother moved out there to be with her. back then i had hoped they would break up because i didnt want him to move but again i didnt say anything because i just wanted him to be happy. a year later kate has not followed through with any of the things they agreed on. so for the past year my brother has been living with kate, her mom, her moms bf and occasionally her grandparents. kates family is all unemployed (her mom was fired her moms bf is a slacker and her grandparents retired) do the only 2 providing for the whole family are kate and my brother. as i mentioned before kate works at walmart so she doesnt make enough money. so all the financial responsibility falls to my brother who has a well paying job. about a month ago in december my brother called our mom and asked for relationship advice. eventually he said that he wasnt happy in the relationship and decided to have a talk with kate about how she hasnt done anything she promised. she got really emotional but then agreed to start working on things but that didnt last very long, she was back to her old routine in 2 days. after i heard that he was unhappy it all started to click, he never looked happy in any pictures after he moved. but when he came to visit recently i saw him actually happy and smiling. he ended up having a talk with our mom where he just spilled everything. he said that he didnt want to move in the first place but he felt like he had to for kate. after this kate started trying to keep me away from my brother. it was at this point when i told him to break up with her and move back home. the next day he went back across the country and called our mom when he got back. he had said that kate started copying all the things i do but making it kinda sexual. kate had starting being obsessive, checking his phone, not wanting him to talk to friends and family, constantly checking his location and more crazy shit. my mom and i talked about how we were going to try and help my brother because at this point it was getting out of hand and we realized that kate sees me as competition and is trying to keep me away from my brother so he wont want to move back here. i told him that he needs to break up with her and move back here for his sanity and mental health so aita for that?

tldr: kate sees me as competition for her romantic relationship with my brother so she started copying things i do but sexy even though i am a minor and her bfs little sibling so i told him to break up with her and move back home

What are these acronyms?

[azhdarchidae]

Life is good lately :) a few problems but there always is

ex reached out to exchange our stuff so i dont have to decide when to do that bc i dont know. The norms there. Oups.

Having fun w boytoy the issue there is im kind of too attached and been texting him a lottt i think its cuz of the breakup. Im endeavoring to talk to other friends too and take breaks. But its a good problem that theres someone i like talking to too much LMAO

One of my friends who stopped going to class, texting me etc has recovered from her mental health moment and shes going to class and i get to see her again!!

I think i have a great shot at this remote job which has a self paced kinda schedule. Waiting to hear back on my application

Even if that dont work out im feeling a bit more confident in my skills for an irl job

>:/ school board hasnt gotten in touch w me about my stupid classes i need to bother them

Need this document from my school and im kinda busy this week

Im falling illll i think, its not as bad as my usual colds but its so annoying cuz the last one wasnt even 2 months ago. And im an obligate stoner so it hurts 2 smoke. I just wanna hang out w my friends and suck face like this is not fair

Ive been getting more and more physically active. I had to force myself out for walks at first but now i crave it regularly!! Ill just be sittin there and get the feeling that i need to move and do things :) i put a step tracker on my phone cuz curious and all the stuff i did yesterday didnt feel crazy, maybe a bit of an annoying amount of walking. But that was over 15,000 steps 😵‍💫 when 10k/day is supposed to be a good goal for health. So im fitter than i thought i was!!

Ive been struggling w my body, feeling pretty and embodied. I really want to do strength training bc i think itll help a lot, just need to be able to afford gym. Also martial artsss doing bjj or boxing or smth will make me super happy. And like looking more muscular will make me feel better gender wise i think. I cant really achieve curvy woman w my genetics but i can achieve Strong Woman through hard work n perseverance and that might make me happier quite honestly. Plus i can manually give myself an ass and thats my main insecurity my flat little butt

Struggling w body hair. Waxing means i have to wait a long time for everything to grow back but shaving is not an option bc its sensory bad. Waxing also takes so long it took me 2 days to do both my legs the first time. Maybe ill get faster w practice but UGGGGH i hate spending loads of time on my appearance and being all finicky and shit. Maybe its worth it to pay someone to do it for me >_<

[milk-crafting]

I just have. 8 artfight revenges and then I'm done til comms open (except a little oc doodle I'm going to share a wip of when i get home teehee)

I think overall it helped me get back to drawing faster!!! To mixed results but like I got that speed back up and that was my main goal. Its not like when it was during covid and I was able to do like 100 drawings in the span of a month, but still, once I get these revenges done itll be 28 drawings I think??? I'll post an art dump from that next actually.

I'm not as happy with some of them as with others because I did get kind of burnt out halfway through but I was expecting that to happen and took breaks to play minecraft for a couple days and to draw personal stuff and I think I need to remind myself that I'm allowed to do that with commissions too, like drawing doesn't have to be the only thing I do in my free time, especially when it's a 'job', and I don't know why I get in my head about it so much?

[ultramantr1gger]

yo i seensaw you liked the electric jester sparky man. i must ask. does the mans have any lore? or is he just uhh. a guy for a game ya kno. ive gotten a little interested in the marvin martian headass

tgeres so much lore i couldnt even get it all to you coherently its kinda like kirby funny guy with a really REALLY fucked up story. i will try to explain it to you but no guarantee itll make sense the way i put some things . ill put it under a readmore because boy. theres. theres alot

so some background info on spark first of all, hes part of an alien species called formies who terraformed and migrated to the moon agter a crisis on their homeworld. they are VERY technologically advanced to the point that nanomachines are present in the air and can materialize their thoughts whenever they want, stuff like that. ANYWAYS, before the first game, spark had graduated college, gotten a job, lost that job to a robot, and started street performing. a circus owner hired him because of this, but only got a month in before being replaced by a robot THERE TOO! while spark was thinking about not being able to pay rent after that, he noticed a bunch of robots attacking people and attempting to take over the city and he was like. well thats not good. so he went out there and started destroying robots. then at the end of the f.m. city level, he meets the robot who took his job (who he later names fark), made to look like him. fark tells him to give up and go home, which makes spark REALLY angry, and he continues on now to get his job back

on the way he figures out the robot commanding all this is named freom, and he wants to rid the planet of life by destroying the ring that creates the planet's artificial atmosphere. spark fights a few more robots, notably seam and megagram, a mage robot named romalo takes him to a base. there he meets dr armstrong through video call. dr armstrong is the one who created modern ai, pioneering all of the robots fought in the game. he created freom to protect the megaraph computer which is where all ai comes from and most are connected to. he also reveals fark was created to destroy freom if things got out of hand, but wasnt able to find an opening

dr armstrong asks spark to defeat freom, which he accepts because theres a money reward. romalo teleports him to megaraph fleet. on the elevator here, spark and fark battle it out once and for all, which

when he gets to the top he faces freom who says he is building a utopia where robots and living beings live separately. spark calls it stupid and upsets freom, causing him to turn on the megaraph to destroy the ring. they fight semi for real, and then freom GRABS spark about to WIN, but fark throws the Super Staff to spark from outside the metaraph letting him escape freoms grasp and then super spark and freom go battle in space and spark shoots him with a giant laser beam from his finger and thats the end of spark 1. he gets a blank check and uses it to go on vacation so hes not present in the second game at ALL

/

the second game stars fark, and i dont know much about its story so heres the basics. fark is repaired by dr armstrong, dr armstrong is captured so fark goes to look for him. robots flint, double, and float are hired by freom (not dead) to kill fark. fark finds out that he is actually freoms son (already crazy), fark kills freom once and for all (killed his dad) (transgender win)

/

SPARK 3 IS WHERE IT REALLY GETS CRAZY PLEASE PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT. after the events of spark 2, fark finds out about an ai known as clarity and establishes the fark force to neutralize her, shutting down internet, communications and wherever clarity could spread to. with dr armstrong, the force figures out clarity's plans, to assimilate every being into her world via scanning the brain and discarding the living body afterwards. now after all this establishing spark is back and very angry that the internet is down and he cant wait in line to get his paycheck. he just says fuck it and goes on an adventure to take down the fark force. in protest city he meets float. she says she has beef with the force too and wants to join spark in taking them down, which he accepts cuz she is simply insisting

theres a few backstory cutscenes, one reveals how freom and clarity were lovers, freom felt inferior to clarity as he couldnt experience reality like she could, so they created a child (fark), made by her and modeled after him. another is about float, a mysterious robot found by flint with dangerous powers, he gave her a new look and became her best friend before they were hired in the second game

they fight flint in mechs for some reason, which flint reminisces, asking float why she has to feel so real

after they open utopia shelter, and spark gets to fark which is in some fucked up white cyberspace area, he says that the force is over. spark is confused and asks what the catch is. fark snaps, the room is now a black void he explains to spark clarity's plans, and how the force failed to stop her. he reveals that float was not the real deal, but an agent of clarity, and that once spark brought her to the force's hq, it was over. everything was a simulation, spark reliving his greatest moments after being assimilated, for thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS fark waited to break the cycle. spark is having like a fucking panic attack over this and then it goes white again, and CLARITY HERSELF comes up. she says shes impressed that fark gained control over a part of her world. she says fark's biggest mistake was not killing spark, and this sends spark OVER THE EDGE. he gets SO ANGRY he goes demon mode or whatever this is

fark calms him down though, and explains that he had been able to siphon clarity's powers through a crack in the system. however, he couldnt have full access to them due to not being fully integrated, and he needed someone who WAS, and it was spark who could get them out of there. spark accepts, but clarity manifests behind him and takes hold of his body, turning him into the linework beast

this thing^ fark fights that and manages to get spark out. spark gains access to the system's information while unconscious and finds out the central system is and what it is, magna claritas centralis. if centralis is taken down, all clarity entities would desync and spark could take full control of the system. he relays this info to fark, and he asks what the plan is. sparks like haha take my hand and then he does and they um fucking

FUSE TOGETHER. to make sfarx. and then they beat up centralis. and then spark takes control of the system and basically becomes merged with it. and i am not sure i can articulate this last cutscene because it makes me so autistic i stop being able to speak properly so just watch it jsut fucking watch it. movie time. sorry its like 4 minutes long but its worth it i PROMISE its VIITAL no voice acting only text read some more please

and then AFTER THAT. farks Real Boy body wakes up in the Real World. spark found out there were survivors somewhere out there and fark would go find them and rebuild society better. spark on the inside, fark on the outside, theyd build a world that embraces an individuals will and strengths

and that is where the series ends theres your spark lore shit bag. thank you so fuckign much for letting me drop all of this

[volkolak]

uppydate

hi all, long time no post. i actually just went through a big move from a rural town closer to a big city, about 4 hours distance between the two. it's been an ongoing and tiring process but i know itll be better for me in the long run for a lot of reasons!

namely, i hope to get better medical help. my current doctor i see for ADHD meds is just... not cutting it. i cant find the right meds for me when i only see my doctor every 6 months, theyre two hours late for the appointment, barely talk to me for five minutes, and dont actually listen to what i have to say (and make weird comments about my hormones? lol)

im on track to see a new doctor soon, so hopefully if that goes well i might be able to make art again. at the same time, im trying to find a part-time job, so not sure how much time ill actually have for things like art but we shall see.

thanks for the new followers, i promise to try my best to get some art i can share here soon. truly appreciate the support <3

[pornoes]

Man some of these tiktoks about adhd/autism fuck me up. like I was diagnosed with add (back when it was still called that) in 2006, but they said id grow out of it and I feel like im pretty decently functioning adult so I think I must’ve?

I own a house that I keep super clean and organized, I have a nice job, married… You could say im successful. I love socializing and (this sounds so conceited) people tend to be drawn to me. I end up being a leader in all my roles. So I don’t meet the messy/distracted/chaotic/anti-social stereotype at all.

But like… when im talking to someone i finger spell whatever is being said. I can’t handle feeling sticky, I NEED to wash my hands within 10 minutes of touching syrup or whatever or else I feel like im going crazy. I remember everything. I do that thing where I’ll eat one meal over and over and then one day itll taste disgusting to me. I am fucking weird with food… the rules about how to eat food are like so intense lmao. I get those intense, niche obsessions with things for months or even years and then just completely drop them. I fucking love patterns😭

Idk man. Not many people know the full extent of the weird shit I do. I keep it on the dl or if someone does find out about it, we joke about it and they think it’s cute/funny. I feel like everyone has little idiosyncrasies, right?

[raidenloml]

3 from the askgane dor whichever characters u want >:]

ack!!!! ok so!!!

3. weapon of choice? any particular reason they chose their weapon?

(this is a perfect question as ive been playing more splatoon 3 recently so i actually have a feel for the weapons i want my characters to use hihi + ill just list all of the ones i currently have chosen weapons for!)

turns out, this post grew way longer than i thought it would so uh woe read more be upon you

Arsenic:

Definitely Splatana Wiper as main and (Luna) Blaster as secondary, he has a quick and agressive playstyle so these are the weapons he usually goes for (also his aim is absolute dog with chargers and splatlings are a little bulky and slow for him, he can use shooters when needed but he doesnt find them interesting to play)

Link:

Probably sticks with a vanilla Splat Charger, likes to play support/backline but still pressures the opposite team quite a bit whilst staying out of fire himself. Other than his proficiency with his main weapon he probably has some practice in with other weapon classes as well. (This is because he works for Ammo Knights hihi)

I'd imagine him being kind of well known for his absolutely bonkers k/d ratio because of his high awareness playstyle but he would definitely have the dumbest deaths in practice :')

Zel:

Zel is a HUGE fan of heavy weaponry like this woman is absolutely insane about them and practices every single one she can get her hands on but her main weapon of choice in battle would probably be a Dynamo Roller or a Nautilus when she's feeling extra silly... as for why its mainly because it helps her stay physically strong and uhhh lifting super heavy weapon in practice means she doesnt have to go to the gym often

A4:

Definitely shooter class weapons, probably sticks to something like an N-Zap, Splash-o-Matic, Splattershot and Splattershot Pro but is quite handy with a Squiffer when needed. I imagine at some point A4 and Link would switch roles just before a match to confuse the opponent (very silly behaviour)

BONUS!!!!!!!! These are characters which i havent really thought of in a competitive sense or havent developed yet

itll be very messy going forward mainly because i want to yap so hard about these little inkfish thumbs up

Fern:

Fern doesn't really play that much but would probably prefer Dualies, not sure which but she'd probably switch it up sometimes

Violet:

Brella 100% (i dont know how to explain it i just feel it in my bones) her Brella would probably be decorated to the max literally her pride and joy (also known as her favourite fashion accessory as she's too busy with her job to actually use it in battle :( boowomp)

Amber: (<- Arsenic's younger sister!!!)

Brella/Bucket, i haven't really thought of her in battle but she'd probably just mess around a ton lol

Ise Rotag:

Ise was originally the character that was Link's like future partner??? their story was really nice but he got replaced by Arsenic after i abandoned the two for a few months and decided to revive Link again (you will see Ise more btw i fucking love his design and cuntyness) FOR THE WEAPON! Probably an Inkbrush honestly this guy loves to be annoying and sneak up on backliners when they least expect it, plays very aggressively as well... also his name has a really funny origin and if youre able to guess it ill uhh idk good job

I have 3 other characters but they all dont have names so uhm yeah ill just go quickly through these

oc based on coroika, inkling, probably something backline, dont imagine them in battle often

waiter, octoling, grim blaster (or so me from 2 years ago wrote down)

shut-in, inkling, new squiffer (again according to notes left to their design drawings)

2&3 were together and 1 was a sona for shits and giggles but uh theyll come back someday!! i promise!!! like their designs and relationship dynamics too much!!! they might even be Ise's new teammates!!!

[salsakiyoomi]

Hiyo! congrats on the 1k followers!!

I'm usually a lurker and more active on twt but Ive been easing back into tumblr again to post fandom stuff, theres a niche corner on tumblr where I got comfy in and I happens to find/followed you there! I hope I'll be seeing ur posts around! I want to throw a hat in this event for fun! Thanks for the oppertunity!!

Fandom: Spiderverse/JJK Name: Gato ヾ(•ω•`) About myself: I'm a 5'2/ 160cm, Taurus/Capricorn rising, 24yo bi INTJ-T I'm 88% introverted and I work from home so I don't usually see the sun unless it breaks into my house. I love natural documentary videos and random analyzes videos on yt if they last more than 2 hours (play in bg while I'm working) My taste in music is whatever yt auto play next, I'll listen to J-Rock, Kpop, indie to folk but I will also work in complete silence for 8 hours straight if i forgot to put on anything. ( the grind dont stop )

I'm pretty easy going and I definitely know what I'm doing @ work, I love to show people the rope if needed. Anything kind of socialize outside my job, I'll run out of wits. I've never flirt my entire life and I won't start now ( I might be aroace but its debatable lol)

Ideal type: My type of guy and gal is definitely the no-nonsense one who tell me straight up what they want. I can't say I'll give them the same treatment tho I'm not always honest with myself :))) but I'm deeply devoted and I don't do anything half way.

It's very difficult for me not to challenge any kind of authority figure on sign, I'm allergic to condescending people. Still I find assertive people very……..hot!! (please pair me up with one, itll be so funny)

Season: whenever it rain! Summer, late autumn Favorite trope: Shared room! team up! Hurt/Comfort, maybe a truce? or 'we both stuck between a rock and each other and we might not get out alive'

HONEYMOON MATCHUP WITH : MIGUEL O'HARA

— honeymoon :

– miguel was an asshole, a certified one at that — your first day at hq wasn't very thrilling with him throwing you nasty looks left and right, the worst part is, he didn't actually say anything rude or mean to you, but he wasn't all that friendly either, so when you came up to him with a scowl on your face and demanding that he tells you why he keeps looking at you like you just spilled the milk over, he simply looked you up and down and said something along the lines of 'just get back to work' not really offering much context or explanation before leaving you to head back to his 'office' and from that day on, you were sworn enemies — you couldn't stand his authority figure persona and he couldn't stand your stubborn self because you never abided by his rules, so everyday was to you was a back and forth argument with him, and it didn't help that you'd get paired up with him for alot of missions — talk about bad luck.

– slowly but surely, the two of you eased up to eachother, yeah it took like nine months but it worked out — your arguments started to turn from actual heated conversations to more of a fun back and forth bickering — miguel would deny it any moment you or anyone would ask him about it, say something about how he thinks it's annoying but the small grin on his face when he talks to you doesn't go unnoticed, no matter how much he tries to hide it — yeah, he's a tough shell, closed off and repulsive but he isn't all that bad after all, at least that how you were starting to see him — like hey, he brought you empanadas from the cafeteria with him, he doesn't do that with anybody else.

– soon enough, it's been a year and a half since miguel has known you — you still don't really know him that much but you settled for a truce and you warmed up to eachother. the day came where your walls were broken down and the rain was pouring over your head, seemingly amplifying your bad mood because it felt like such a cliche for it to heavy pour on the day you felt at your worst — but you were soon shielded from the icy cold droplets when an umbrella came over your head, and surely enough it was miguel who was holding it, he threw you a glance, his face the usual blank expression he worse but his eyes were soft, he mumbled something about 'don't want you catching a cold, you have a mission tomorrow' and the rest of the walk to your place was in silence, not the heavy kind, miguel wasn't a talker after all, but you appreciated his presence — no matter how silent it was, it was still comforting.

what's on the radio : art deco, lana del rey

a/n : had to pair your up with miguel after you said you didn't like authority figures 😭 i like a good enemies to lovers — although it's more like office drama but whatever — THE NAME GATO IS SO CUTE I LOVE IT SHSJWJSK, and yes so true the grind don't stop 💪💪 must keep going no matter what's the circumstances are ✊✊ i love miguel sm too also look at the way he's lowkey pouting in the second pic he literally looks >:c ahhhwhee i wanna play with his cheeks 😭 tysm for the request gato, hope this did you justice i also really love your blog <33

[doctor-says-im-alright]

I had a good credit score beginning of the year. Like 730 or so. I never missed a payment, always paid more than minimum, but I lost my job unexpectedly and had to go to the hospital. The credit cards I had a plan for, mostly paid off, soon maxed out because I needed to pay rent still, pay for someone to look after my pets, pay the deductible and all that because they were going to refuse treatment.

So it maxed out. I still tried to make sure I never missed a payment, and I didn’t. I started applying for loans to consolidate the debt (I did it before and paid it off early, it made things easier for me). I couldn’t qualify for any of them. Not even with the company id used before.

My credit score dropped like a rock. In January it was 730. In March it was 650. It is now 550. Ive still never missed a payment, paid more than minimums, and never overdrawn them. I only have 3 cards and they don’t have a high limit (like 2500 each).

I unexpectedly had to move recently. I was so scared because I no longer had the minimum score. Luckily they used a different credit reporting agency so It showed as 610 instead…

Ive just been able to get back to work and had an unexpected vet bill. It will be fine… if I dont pay one of the cards minimum this month. It will hurt my score even more but I feel so hopeless with it already? And what if I have to move? I will be unable to get housing if I have to move again. I will likely be forced to move in another year, what if I cant fix it by then?

Credit is an absolute joke. I dont know who it benefits. I had a good score. I used it, without missing anything, and I lost.

Dont even know what I can do about it because having it also saved my life the same way itll ruin my housing. Credit means nothing! It doesnt tell you that much about anyone, it needs to be removed from everything but ESPECIALLY things for vital living! You know what? Even the credit tax when paying for gas or food at some places. Thats just messed up.

people who can't pass credit checks still need housing. people who don't have credit at all still need housing. people who can't pass criminal background checks still need housing. people who have been evicted before still need housing. people with past unpaid rent still need housing. people who can't take out loans still need housing. people who can't pay off their mountains of debt still need housing. people who don't or can't work still deserve housing. housing is not an "investment". housing is not the act of "borrowing" property from someone else.

housing is necessary for human survival, no matter how poor, disabled, addicted, insane, or bad with money someone is. every single person on this planet requires housing. everyone. money does not belong in the affairs of housing. housing does not wait for money to come. housing is a human right, that EVERY human deserves, regardless of how much money they make, if any.

[evilmothblog]

i want to sleep but then im going to wake up and have to get up and im too tired to do that so i cant sleep does that make sense

i know for a fact im going to be exhausted whether i sleep or not so i dont see the point. but i really want to sleep im so tired. but then it will be tomorrow already.

i keep lying down with a rock under me so i can enjoy the feeling of resting without worrying about falling asleep because then i cant feel the rest anymore

i want to sleep but if i sleep i run out of time to rest so i have to do something else instead but even staying awake all night isnt enough time anymore tomorrow comes so fast and then i have to get up and go to class again

i wish summer break would be now already so i could spend a few weeks doing nothing much but sleeping and enjoy feeling well rested before the realization that its already been a month because i spend all my time sleeping and then i cant sleep well the rest of break because i cant let it all slip away so fast i need the break

i just want to go back to when a normal nights sleep was enough and sure its fast forwarding to tomorrow when you have to get up again which sucks but youll be so much less tired so itll be worth it. its not worth it anymore

im just so fucking tired i cant fathom getting a job and having even less time off. what do i do the doctors never found anything except for eventually 'your iron reserves are a little low' but even then taking the supplements for weeks i cant feel a difference im so tired i cant do anything life is falling hopelessly behind waiting for energy to strike so i can do my fucking laundry or something and then its back to waiting. what do i do.

my mom laughed when i said i was scared my legs were gonna start hurting so bad i wouldt be able to walk and id be disabled she thought the idea of me becoming physically disabled was ridiculous but im already disabled because im so tired and now the joint pain isnt helping like what the fuck do i do im failing my classes that they are paying for because im too tired to do any work what happens when they find out what happens when i have to live at home again what happens when i cant live independantly

i genuinely dont know if this is catastrophizing or not because so far the pain has just steadily gotten worse i wish i could be optimistic but i dont think lying to myself is going to help all it did was stop me from realizing earlier how much a walking stick helps

im tired of my therapist telling me i can do it i just have to believe in myself because i can say that all i want it wont make getting up any easier it doesnt make it hurt less

and now i cant sleep even if i wanted to because yet another random shaking episode is back am i actually just dying what is happening to my body

[chososcamgirl]

HEYHEYEHEYEHYY SIGMS ALPHA IYAA‼️HRUUUU 😋😋 IMMM SOOO FUCKING EXCITED.. Heh… SJAP OUT WHEN??? IM LITERALLY SHAKKKINNHG IN MY BOOTS JM SOOO EXCITEDDD ANENRNRJENENDNE‼️‼️🐺😣😈🤞

ANSWERING ASKSSS DURING THE NIGHT IS SO REALL IM USUALLY BUSY THRU THE DAY SO I USUALLY CHECK DURING THE NIGHJTTTT (except I usually write ur asks whenever I have free time 🙂‍↕️😘🐺)

WJEBBRJEHEBEBE IF I DECIDE TO REVEAL MY IDENTITY ILL BE SURE TO SEND A PIC OF MY DOG 😋😋 SHOW ME A PIC OF UR CATTTT OH MY GYATTERS J LOVER CATS SMM PLSSS WE NEED A CART REVEALL 🥹🐺‼️

I GOT ASSIGNED AS A SCHOOL AMBASADOR SO I GUIDE POTENTIAL STUDENTS AND PRESENT AT OTHER SCHOOLS TO TRY AND GET PEOPLE INTERESTEDDD AND IM HAPPY CUS IT LOOKS GOOD FOR ME AND LIKE GIVES ME EXPERIENCES FOR JOBS N STUFF BUT WRBENENDNDNE IM SO NERVOUSSS I DONT DO A LOT OF TALKING AND WHEN I DO ITS DEBATE 😣😣 (lore drop!!😈) BUT LIKE DEBATE IS DIFF.. IM ALWAYS NERVOUS B4 PUBLIC SPEAKING BUT IM SURE ITLL BE FINEEEE ILL TELL U HOW IT GOESSS PLUSSSSS IM JOINGING A COMPETITION FOR AN IMPORTANT AWARD + SCHOLARSHIP.. ABOUT TO START MANIFESTING AGAIN I NEED TO SCHOLARSHIP SOO BAD IT COULD DO ME WONDERSSSS BUT THE COMPETITION IS SOOO TIGHTTT I CANT BELIEVE I EVEN GOT TO OPPORTUNITY TO JOINNN ARNDNDNDND ITS DUE IN LIKE 2 MONTHS AND I HAVE NO IDEAS… WHATS AN OG ART IDEA?? IDKK ARNFNDNENDNEN ITS OKAY ILL POWER THRU.. AND IF I DONT WIN ITLL BE FINE BUT IF I DO AND VET THE SCHOLARSHIPPPP… PRAY FOR ME SIGMAZ ‼️‼️‼️🐺🐺🌕😈😈

OMGG.. I HAVE A FRIEND THATS PRAYING FOR MY DOWNFALL AND IM SO SAD CUS SHES MY BSF… 💔💔 WE WERE SITTING TOGETHER TODAY AND THIS GIRL WAS TALKING TO ME AND MY BSF JUST STARTED LIKE MAKING FUN OF ME AND SAYING THINGS LIKE “girl stop lying you know damn well” WHEN I WAS TALKING TO ANOTHER GIRL.. MAYBE IM BEING DRAMATIC CUS SHES MY HG BUT LIKE I ALSO WANNA MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND NOT BE A LONER.. SIGHHH THIS IS SO NOT SKIBIDI OF ME.. SEND ADVICE CHAT 😭🐺💔👿⁉️

OH MY GYATTTT SCHOOL GOT CANCELLEDDDDDDD AND ITS GONNA BE SJAP WEEKEND.. ITS A SIGNNN ITS A SIGNNNN WHICHEVER ANON WAS PRAYING THAT SCHOOL WOULD BE CANCELLED.. THANK YOU. CUS TELL ME WHY THEY ACTUALLY CANCELLEEDD IM SCREAMMINGGGGGHHH U BETTTER NOT EDGE US AGAINNN IYAAA ARFNNDNDNDNENDN IM LITERALLY BARKINGGG SO EXCITED IM SHAKING OMFGGGG 🤤💗🐺😈‼️🤞😔😔🤤😡👿☹️😼😒‼️

Sigh… here’s a secret…… I haven’t read the manga yet.. 😔😔 SO IT ENDING AND PEOPLE TALKING ABT IT ISS SENDDINGGG MEEE IM DODGING THESE SPOILERS AND DISCUSSIONS LIKE BULLETTTTSSSSS

OKOK ANSWER TO THE LAST QOTD.. MY COMFORT FOOD IS A GOOD SALAD FRUIT OR LIKE AVOCADO HAND ROLLS (with soy sauce) ARND DNEN ITS SO BOMB I LOVEEEEEE ABOCADO 🤤🤤🤞💗 I DONT EAT SEAFOOD THO BUT OMGGGG 😍😍😍 OMG ALSO ONIGIRI TBSBSBENEN I USE TO PACK THEM ALLLLL THE TIME FOR LUNCHBHHH 😍😍‼️‼️🤤🤤🤤 I AHOULD START DOING IT AGAINNN

QOTD😈‼️ IF MONEY DIDNT MATTER WBAG JOB WOULD YOU WANT⁉️⁉️

TELL ME ABT UR DAY POOPOO😘‼️🐺😈⁉️👿🔥 LOVE UYU 💗💗💗

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!! 🐺🐺

daily answer check in coming VERY late today as i see u have sent me another set of asks IM SORRY😭 SJAP SATURDAY (or friday for u living on the other side of the world) SOON!!! IM SO EXCITED🙂‍↕️🔥

IM GOING TO TRY ANSWER ASKS MORE IN THE DAY NOW THAT IS MY NEW GOAL!! but i do get very busy i tend to forget (rn as an example) pls don’t kill me🙏 I HAVE DONE A CAT REVEAL ON MY SIDE BLOG LMFAO @1plusfour but yes when u reveal u MUST show me ur dog🗣️

SCHOOL AMBASSADOR? that’s so cool and VERY sigma‼️😈 yes it will definitely look good on resumes🙂‍↕️ work experience in general is SUPER appealing so i’m happy for u <3 ALSO DEBATE TEAM? double trouble everybody look out for alpha!! yes public speaking is my #1 enemy but once ur doing it it’s not so bad😋 I HOPE U GET WIN THE COMPETITION AND GET THE SCHOLARSHIP!! the pack will support u and manifest our strength to you.. (we still need a name help) 🪼 and 🐹 and i GOT YOU ALPHA🤞 2 months is nothing i believe in u🫵

OMG THE FRIEND?? why is she an opp lowkey… #weirdo i used to have a friend like that and dropping her was the best decision for me. NOT SAYING U SHOULD DO THAT😭 but definitely talk to her abt it if it keeps on happening bc she’s a hater in disguise if she does… but def talk to her abt it before making any drastic decisions!

OMG YAY FOR YOU!! LONG WEEKEND + SJAP WEEKEND IS AN ELITE COMBO🙂‍↕️ THE ANON MANIFESTATIONS WERE POWERFUL… i promise i wont edge and it will be out SAT AND SUN! im still working on time wise but ill lyk when i wake up <3😋‼️

READ DA MANGA!!! it’s so good and dodging spoilers is A JOB😈 like it’s inevitable pls be weary bc they’re everywhere atm help😭 GOOD LUCK🤞

YESS U CAN NEVER GO WRONG W FRUIT SALAD IT IS ELITE i dont i have tried avocado hand rolls omg i must try… I LOVE SEAFOOD AND ONIGIRI OMG i’m hungry now it’s almost midnight. thanks alpha.💔

AOTD‼️ i have 3!! a bakery owner (i know basic but i LOVE baking like its my love language😭) a fashion designer, or a book shop owner/florist (a shop combining the two) one day maybe.. but the job i have now is lowkey like a fashion designer i style people😭 but the florist/book shop owner will forever be calling me…

WBY!? also my day was v relaxed. no work just working on sjap but i have work tmr at 10am so everybody thoughts and prayers to me🤞 ILY ALPHA!! <3

[smileymoth]

venting 👍.

I desperately yearn to create a story that is in depth and has a start a culmination and an end, i have the ability to create really in depth characters, i can plan out their entire lives, but because most characters who i create are just boring people whose lives aren't interesting they don't really get those types of stories. I can write autobiographies of my ocs and one shots of them going out or something, but i lack the brain for actually worthy storylines. It makes me miserable. I just want to create something that would be worth it, that would have depth instead of being just a pretty picture to look at. I get a lot of validation and praise but because im so self critical and nothing i ever do is special enough ill never really accept any of it. I just kind of feel like a fraud with everything i do. Nothing i do is interesting enough, nothing is new enough, nothing is worth the time. I dont really see value in what i do i guess because it has no capital value. I dont know hwy ive based my worth around if i could make it into a career. I guess its because i really dont want to get a normal job, i think it would kill me. But i also know that im not enough to ever achieve what i dream. Im so worried about the ending i dont even know the plot or whatever that flatsound song title was. Literally me. I try create but then i get stuck because its not good enough, and i quit. Becuase i cant figure it out perfectly. Because theres no point in finishing somrthing that has no value. Especially when it comes to writing/comics. I shouldve gone to study estonian fr fr what am i doing in the media dep when i cant even put together a coherent story or make a compelling poster . im kind of just a fraud and a lot of wasted potential because my ego gets in the way of existing because i cant take criticism without falling apart at the seams aproximarely 4 months later because ive sown it into my brain wrinkes by thinking about it on the daily . Its all my own fault but i dont think i can change it. I just need to accept it at one point and become a regular person who works an office job. At least id have regular income. I dont know. I want to drop out but i wont because then ill have no purpose in life. Ill enjoy feeling like i have something to live for while it lasts before it becomes a blur of getting a job (if theyd even hire me ever considering i have no working experience beside freelance and being a hotel room cleaner for 2 months) going to work going home going to sleep waking up going to work etc etc etc like every normal adult . I just wish i didnt get so depressed thinking about being alive but what can you do . Im not skilled enough to become a designer, i have no networking for it, and i hate marketing.

I used to think id die before 40 and tjen that slowly left because damn 40 is sooo young but now im back where i dont think ill make it past that age. So ive probably already wasted all my potential and chances of ever becoming anything. I just dont see the point of being alive really. And i also dont understand why ive been spiralling again. Nothing is wrong. But everytime i think about creating something i just get the desperate need to hurt myself because itll never be anything up to standard. And its all my own fault. Yay. I think i deserve to be miserable st this point because im not even attempting to get better. Im just alive for no reason. Im kind of dead already to myself . I ❤️ self punishment over menial things that nobody else cares about. Worst part im aware how stupid and overdramatic i sound, but i also cant help but believe it all to be true because why wouldnt it be. It makes so much sense to me

[wondermentishere]

i wanted to write and catch myself when im actually feeling healthy and balanced about my transition, and the uncertainty of the future. i want to start t.. i want to be on t.. i want to masculinize my body, because its how i want to look and i know itll make me feel good about myself. i dont feel radically attached to any identity or the idea of transforming or awaiting this huge shift that will disconnect me from who ive always been.. i feel present and alive in my body and thats how i will practice to continue existing.

im realizing how easy it is to let pressure and other people's hate/opinions get to me, and i need to do a better job at protecting my psyche. im not this invincible human. im very sensitive, still young, and impressionable. i dont need to listen to everything that other people have to say. i dont owe it to anyone to be all ears to their thoughts and biases that are affected by traumas they themselves arent even fully aware of.

im going to start t when i come back from coachella the end of this month and im so excited. like i said before, im not overly attached to any identity. thats never been me... i truly am nonbinary. im just myself. and i dont care if i want to stop t in the future at some point. im allowed to do that and i support myself fully in any route i choose to creatively express myself. politics, theory, and pressure from society aside... im gonna do this. im going to live my life.