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#and i just dont know every place in the city
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lowkey super anxious to post this but im missing you guys so much <3
i plan on a solid return soon! i just wanted to get off my chest whats been going on:
Earlier this year, I dealt with an awful situation of my kinky stuff leaking into real life. My insane coworkers found my content and as I was serving on the clock, proceeded to show my customers and all the staff. then i was fired. Im traumatized to say the least but I over came it.
Come mid summer, I planned so step back for a little bit to move apartments no more than a couple weeks. What happened was both my job (i worked with close family friends so stressful) and a really bad situation with a companion found about my kink stuff. i never expected or was prepared for the humiliation, deception, and pain that would come from my fetish journey
My last job was such a loss. I had been blessed with a cute job as a medical office assistant without any credentials (i wasnt doing anything out of my capabilities of course) it was so peaceful and perfect compared to the drama of my last gig plus working with familiar people felt just like home honestly. Then I got covid. I was out for 2 weeks, at the same time i was moving into my new place. I tried calling them back to let them know I was cleared and ready to get back to work. I received a humiliating text. I was dismissed. That turned into a crippling anxiety of them confessing to my family what I do in my past time
The following week I was met with more disappointment. Ive said this before but I dont have many people in my corner. It used to suck to admit but I stand with pride now knowing those who are around me love me 100% regardless what I do or dont do.
One of my dearest dearest friends, who I had previously communicated what I do (not to a full extent they always respected it) called me very dramatically only a week before I planned to see them (they live across the country and we ALWAYS visit each other when in our cities) It still doesnt feel real tbh, the call only last 40 seconds. I was informed that “I was going on the wrong path” and could no longer be associated with. That’s alls that happened. 8 years down the drain
I was informed by outside sources that my hometown opps had gotten hold of my content (who my ex friend still associate with but I despise bc they’ve always been obsessed with me but in a bad way) and they had confronted him about being my friend. he pussied out and cut me off. they also mass reported my last instagram account😡🤬
I had to take some time back to seriously debate if these loses were worth it. I was swallowed with so much anxiety knowing that an uncomfortable amount of people in my zip code knew what ive been up to. its already complicated being into this and while at the same time not being in a plus size body. thats another conversation tho
That debate has turned into me accepting these events as the universe weeding out people/things that no longer serve me. This has shown peoples true colors, if I am not to be associated with because of my sexual freedom, body acceptance, and undoing of fat phobia then PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
Im recovering ❤️‍🩹 but my heart and hedonism can’t be helped. i love being a kinky lil gut slut. its helped me grow in so many ways from acceptance to living an esoteric dreamy life. i love all the hot girls and guys that i see on my timeline. they hype me up and vise versa. i love this little corner of the internet. my fellow freaks keep me going. i’ve been so on and off online but every time i come back to the sweetest words and support. thank you guys for your patience and consideration
my anxiety is to the roof as im typing. its crazy that these privacy problems havent been within the actual community. funny. if your still reading this I love you extra. ill be streaming on ig on my comeback day!
new ig acc @missfertileandferal💘
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bridgyrose · 23 hours
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Rosebird Week: First and Last kiss
A blush crossed Summer’s cheeks as she held Raven's arm while they walked through the quiet Vale streets. The sun had already set, so most everyone had made their way to their homes for the night. Which made the walk she was on all that more special since it was just her and Raven. No one to bother them, just the crisp night air and the stars above. 
“So, where are we going?” she finally asked. 
“Its a secret,” Raven answered with a smile. “You’ll have to wait and see.” 
“Its always a secret with you.” 
“I want you to be surprised. That way its more enjoyable.” 
Summer rolled her eyes. “Every night with you is enjoyable. So you dont have to worry.” 
“Yes, but Tai said-” 
“You’re really going to listen to him?” 
“Why shouldnt I?” 
“Have you seen the way he talks to the other girls? It wouldnt surprise me if he never gets a date.” 
Raven shrugged a bit. “Well, maybe he had a good idea.”
Summer looked up at Raven curiously. “What do you mean by that?” 
“You’ll see when we get there.” 
Summer sighed and stayed close to Raven as they walked, not sure how much she believed that Tai could come up with any good dating ideas. And yet, curiosity was starting to get the best of her the longer they walked. They certainly werent going towards the docks, nor did it seem like they were heading anywhere that was familiar to her. 
It didnt take long for them to reach the edge of the city and to the clearing just past the walls. Summer slowed her step until she came to a stop, staring up at the stars. They were brighter now that they were outside city limits.
Raven let out a heavy sigh. “We must be a bit early.” 
“Early?” Summer asked. “Early for what?” 
“Tai told me that this clearing is home to fireflies and that it’d be a romantic place for the two of us.” 
“I’ve already told you that I like it when its just the two of us already.” Summer looked away as her blush started to brighten, her heart fluttering as a few thoughts crossed her mind. “And well, the stars are still bright and it would be a great place for us to… you know… have our…first… kiss.” 
“I thought you werent ready.” 
“I think I am now.” 
Raven smiled. “Then I’ll follow your lead.” 
Summer nodded and smiled up at Raven, hesitating as she took a slow step closer. The world almost seemed to stop as she stared into those bright, red eyes. She stood up on her tiptoes as she leaned in, lingering when she felt Raven’s nervous breath against her lips. Finally, she finally pressed into a kiss, a small moan leaving her lips as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend. 
As far as she was concerned, this was the perfect moment she was waiting for. 
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Summer took a few pained breaths as she stared up at the night sky, a weak smile crossing her lips as she watched the stars. Her hand tried to grip Raven’s, voice hoarse as she spoke. “They’re… they’re just as beautiful as before.” 
“And you’ll get to see them again,” Raven said as she took hold of Summer’s hand. “Tai is getting help and Qrow is going to be here any minute. A-and then we can see the stars again tomorrow together. And the night after that.” 
“You dont need to lie to me, I know I’m not going to make it through the night.” Summer let out a heavy sigh and looked up at Raven. “So we should enjoy this moment-” 
“I cant,” Raven interrupted. “I dont want a life without you.” 
“I’ll always be with you, Rae. You know that.” 
Summer closed her eyes and slowly loosened her grip on Raven’s hand. Nothing had gone to plan, and here she lay, dying in front of her wife. Salem caught them off guard, Tyrian managed to strike her heart, and all she could do was wait for the inevitable. 
After a few quiet moments, she spoke once more. “Can… can I have one last kiss?” 
“Sum, w-we… we cant give up. Help is almost here, I can see the medical airship on the horizon.” 
“Please Raven. I-I dont want to go without feeling your lips once more.” 
“Summer…” 
Summer opened her eyes and smiled up at Raven, a few tears of her own starting to well up in her eyes. She used the last of her strength to try to sit up and kiss her wife, lingering just before her lips touched Ravens. 
As she broke the kiss, she felt herself drift away, the sound of Raven’s crying becoming distant.
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riverfigs · 1 month
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ended up at a poetry reading alone (my friend had to cancel last minute) and I am terrified and excited! I dont think I'll ever get over this, but idk if I want to
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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dykedvonte · 6 months
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The Khans - My Introspective
I don't like the Military and I don't support a lot of the actions the NCR does to the Mojave in New Vegas but in terms of the Khans I feel like the fandom infantilizes or diminishes the fact that they are or at least one of the most violent raider groups in the Mojave.
What happened at Bitter Springs was a tragedy, innocent lives were lost and the fact that the NCR swept it under the rug and continued to hunt down Khans that are truly trying to back down and resettle is horrendous, but there is a history to the NCR's aggression towards them.
The Khans first appear in Fallout 1, the main faction of raiders in the game besides the mentioned Vipers (who don't actually appear if I remember correctly). They came from Vault 15 along with the members that would form rival groups; The Vipers, The Jackals, and Shady Sands. They are a very large and foreboding raiding party, known for burning towns and encampments they attack and taking survivors as their slaves or slaves to sell. They are a big reason why the Jackals and Vipers are actually so small in New Vegas, they wiped them out.
Their main targets where Shady Sands and Junker town, the former of the two would be what became The New California Republic. This explains a big part of their animosity towards the Khans, only furthered by the fact the Khans kidnapped Tandi as a young girl, the girl that would go to offically found the NCR out of Shady Sands. When the dweller saved her and killed much of the Khans, this allowed the NCR to develop into what it currently is as they no longer needed to focus on fighting off constant raids.
When the Khans became the New Khans in Fallout 2, they barely resembled the Khans as they were led by Darion, Garl Death-Hand's son (former leader of the Khans). They were smaller and refortified vault 15, still planning to take down the NCR (at this time nowhere near as imperialist as they are in FNV) as mostly a revenge/power ploy. They manipulate The Squat, a group of y'know squatters, that lived in the upper levels, promising and lying about repairing the vault and offering them ransacked caravan resources if they kept the NCR away. Being their only life line The Squat had no choice. Still the chosen one got rid of them and they left New California for the untapped Mojave.
The Great Khans, the most current iteration, continued in the path as the original Khans, regrouping and gaining information from the Followers who hoped they'd use their new medical knowledge to heal themselves. They gained more members and a substantial part of Vegas territory before they were run out by the three families. They were pushed to Bitter Springs where they first and foremost continued to pick off and attack NCR settlements, most of which consisted of caravans, towns, and camps as they saw them as easy like in their old days. It was the killing of four influential Republic members (non-military) that brought on Bitter Springs.
Bitter Springs was the result of years of hatred and animosity and likely the goal to send a final message to the Khans. It does not excuse the fact that innocent men, women, and children were slaughtered with few survivors. It does not excuse the fact that the NCR has yet to make amends for this and continues to try and persecute the Khans even in moments of surrender.
This post is not to defend what happened but to give a quick rundown of the Khan's history and their history with the NCR. It's to remind people that the NCR is not just their military power but an actual group/settlement of people that were also attacked indiscriminately by the Khans. It's to point out that the Khans were not a band of indigenous people (no matter the comparisons) driven from their homes but raiders who fed into the brutal cultures of the west coast wasteland and were in turn treated to the same things.
My frustration comes from the fact that FNV has so many comparisons to indigenous struggles but the groups it chooses are not comparable at all. Their oppression hinges on not being familiar with their past, which explains why they have the reputation they do in canon. The "tribes" are often not even groups of minorities or have goals/desires out of acquisitions of power and I feel like it is important to both acknowledge that this is bad indigenous rep because it is not supposed to be. It is supposed to be a comparison of the in-game groups and how they all do the same things and justify it in their own fucked up ways, some better at it than others.
FNV of all the Fallout games (in light of it being heavily Western based) distastefully uses indigenous imagery and theming for groups that are sad mimicries of American indigenous cultures at best and outright offensive at worst.
#this is also to say the NCR is barely different but they imply New California is a city and safe and that once the NCR military leaves#they will properly try to settle and revitalize the area unlike the goals of almost every other group#the issues arise from the tensions of the hoover dam battles the legion and the corrupt leaders chosen in what is a terse time#but the khans are interesting to me and I like the named khans we have in FNV but they are treated to be almost innocent at points due to#all the Ls they keep taking despite admitting to their raider roots and being PROUD#they partnered with the Legion and before i hear they didnt know they were slavers at a point too and likely didnt care if they believed it#would not affec their own. the Mojave is an unforgivnig place and sometimes you make unforgivable alliances since they alienated all their#other options through their continued and consistent behaviors#like i could go on how bad the native rep is but I would not use any of the tribes cause they barely count the only difference from the NCR#is they organize themself differtently like id use the tribes in Honest Hearts cause holy shit is it bad and racist like at least the Mojav#tribes are just white dickheads brutalizing each other and not the characatures of native people the Sorrows Dead Horse and White legs are#like yikes I hated playing white savior the dlc#this is also semi personal because i dont see a lot of POC people in the fandom talking about the Khans and so I dont know if the proper#perspectives can be added because just because something can represent a culture or group doesn't mean it does or that it was the primary#thing they were trying to get across#like feel free to ask and talk to me more about it cause grrr#fallout#fallout new vegas#the great khans#the khans#new california republic#the ncr#fallout 1#fallout 2#papa khan
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perilegs · 4 months
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being homesick and changing as a person so much the place you grew up in isn't your home anymore is such a core part of ati and upon further inspection i think i was projecting a little
#like yea that is a very common basic thing that happens to a lot if not most adults#but also i think i get homesick a bit too easy#when i moved away from home i moved to the closest big city that's only an hour away and i was already deeply familiar with it#but i was so sad despite knowing i personally could never thrive in my hometown#i wanted to experience the big city but it was so scary and it still is and i miss the comforts of my hometown but it's not just me that#has changed#dont get me wrong i wouldnt move back bc i have hobbies and friends and a job and most likely a career in the city i live in#and this truly is a place i don't think i could ever move away from. unless it is to a neighboring city#it's so hard for me to imagine there are people who move not just across the country but a completely different country and they just. adap#i could never. i was visiting my hometown every week for like the first year i lived here#i eventually want to move to a bigger apartment and ive been looking at places already even tho i need to graduate before doing that#and i'm. getting homesick just thinking about moving to a different part of the city.#i like the area i live in. i like the cornerstore and the distance to the closest grocery stores and parks#i like how my grandma used to live in this area when she was around my age#i'm not good with change and i know it but there are several things about moving that make me miserable#like yeah obviously i will move out from my single bedroom apartment when i can and i'll be so happy and it'll be good for me#but despite having lived here for only a bit more than 4 years i'll miss this apartment. i have so many good memories from here and i'll#never be able to visit it again and have it feel the same#but that's the least sad thing imo. i dread being in a different area more lmao#but it's fine i know i'll adapt as long as i don't have to move to a different city ever again gfsahgak#idk ive had a long day and im feeling a bit melancholic#i'll sleep in tomorrow >:3c#leevi talks
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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✧˖°.
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germx · 4 months
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transitioning as a gay trans guy is fun because in my experience being harassed by people in cars increases in frequency and the people doing so have a different but equally scary intent when they yell shit at you
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stinkrascal · 1 year
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also this is spoilers but i saw this on reddit and now i must scream about it sooooo spoilers for the end of wyll's romance maybe idk
okay tbh i cant confirm if this is true cuz i havent even beaten the game yet HA but people wouldnt lie on the internet right.... but anyways i saw that someone said one of wyll's romance endings is that he becomes a duke and you guys get MARRIED omg... and it has been on my mind all day and now im having very intense aza/wyll thoughts but mostly aza though aha
listen. just. just listen. okay. picturing aza going from a painfully awkward and socially inept crypt keeper living underground among the dwarves and the deceased, to the wife of the charismatic, renowned grand duke of baldur's gate, UGH. learning to socialize properly with nobility, learning how to maintain small talk, adjusting to the sheer size of their estate, free of cold drafts and water leaks. and the SUNLIGHT? the way it shines through the windows every morning, to remind her another day has come? and how much more comfortable the beds are when they're made of fur and feathers, not stone. and the way she's obviously very out of place, especially as a tiefling living among the upper echelon of baldur's gate, i'm sure she sticks out like a sore thumb. i'm sure she's turned lots of heads while incessantly infodumping about the best way to preserve a dead body, not yet understanding that nobility often aren't fixated on such things the same way she is lol. she's still a little weird and unsettling and unsure of how to handle herself in such a new environment, but hey... it's a lot more fun learning the nuance of courtly dance than it is trying to get a wriggly tadpole out of your head! she'll take the fright of social anxiety over that any day.
anyways. dies
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axellis-archv-2 · 2 years
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hey *takes what was supposed to be just a visualization in case i ever wanted to draw overhallidays place in the future and then spends 4 hours on it
#📗 my post#🧯 overhalliday (s/i)#yeah ummm yeahn . hey . theres a lot in here let me divulge in the tags#hes supposed to live in like a town thats pretty Scrunched In with buildings kind of surrounding the place so the debug building behind#is supposed to mimic the back alley area that he uses for all his scraps && parts. really id imagine at some point he put a tarp over it#so metal doesnt rust && whatnot . but theres not really a way to do that i think in the sims#the bathroom being right where the stairs are is both a) bc i wrote that in a fic b) sometimes houses are dumb okay we cant all win#there isnt an operating table apparently?? so im using a lounge chair as a stand in and honestly it works well#really if i wanted to i wouldve added like soo much more clutter because he is. not the most organized#ftr i think like every sims bed has a headboard and he DOES NOT have that hes got a bed frame and a mattress that is IT!!!#^ not every sims one . the ones that dont talks abt...bed bugs. which . ew#and for the record also i think his place is only unique in the sense that you walk in and theres a workshop . exterior wise theres#probably like a bunchhh that look the same as youre walking down . all scrunched together#i actually donthave a set place in mind that he lives i just know its like. a Town#a town that doesnt have a hardware store . so he takes a train if he ever needs supplies & it takes abt 10 minutes to get to the city#so hes not like. Cut Off per se but the locals definitely know his deal enough#idk looking at it and imagining a bunch side by side makes me think of likee. like. norway? <- my biases it was like the 2nd thing i google#it would be nice to live by a bunch of water#but also im . i dont know anything abt architecture this very easily could read as somewhere in america or something like that#idk but in my head it snows a lot there thats like all i have thought out
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kawaiianimeredhead · 2 years
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Really trying to get better at buying things on sale and with coupons but I have almost zero idea how much these things cost when compared to other things and I just can not retain this knowledge no matter how hard I try rip
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poisonhemloc · 1 year
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it’s june
there was snow on the ground up in the woods and we had a thunderstorm roll in
and the river was. so high. Like, it was high last year, when we opened a month earlier than we usually do, because there wasnt a ton of snow blocking us from getting up there. And this year. Two months later than last year. Almost the same amount of snow still on the ground and there’s four downed trees in the river front of dad’s cabin and the river’s so high we thought the stone cabin already put the boards back in the dam to raise the water and just
...it’s nice since. multi-year drought but. this is not normal
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old-stoneface · 1 year
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im listening to the audiobook for making money (ive read the book but it was a couple years ago now) and my review is that the antagonists for this book are my least favorite out of all of the city books ive read. they completely lack charm and theyre mostly just horribly annoying
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Tfw an architect designed the new walkways
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arolesbianism · 3 months
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Thinks abt oni pmd au oh so hard. When you get a second chance at a relationship only to re experience drifting apart from them all over again
#rat rambles#oni posting#idk how much Ive actually explained abt jackie and olivia's plot but it is generally pretty simple#I think Ive said that theyre searching for these power cell sorta things to try to restore the machine they first woke up next to#but idk if I actually ever explained how the cells work? well I mean I only like 10% know myself but I have a vague idea#basically theyre kind of similar to the temporal bow in concept and they operate on manipulating spacetime and such#but theyre a lot more based on the concept of alternate universes as opposed to times bow#basically making power from an individual pokemon over theoretically infinite universes#even though theoretically this could be achieved fairly safely with any pokemon it was highly theoretical stuff and also relied on the#assumption that the amount of applicable universes to draw from would be infinite for every individual#so all existing cells were tied to some of the gravitas guild's strongest pokemon who could theoretically handle the process#this worked mostly flawlessly except for the fact that the host's intent and concent ended up being more capable of influence than expected#now this did have some pros as it meant that facilities powered by theae cells could be built in a way that would allow the host full#access to many functonalities of the facility and allow them to keep close tabs on everything#but the downside was ofc that this could also be used to sabotage the conpany if the host so chose#the og jackie and olivia found a way around this issue somewhat by basically building the cells so that some of their innards could to an#extent overlap allowing the hosts to have some level of access to each other's cells#this functionality was not built between all of the cells but they were all built to be compatible with olivia and jackie's#this is in fact the only reason current jackie and olivia are able to track down the other cells in the first place#the one they found still in the machine was olivia's and due to its untable nature its constantly trying to expand into the other cells but#cant reach them#due to olivia being able to be connected to it just as much as any pokemon olivia shes able to feel this pull when she holds the cell#now most of the other cells are hidden in neutronium crusted abandoned gravitas facilities and cities so the two dont end up spending that#much time interacting with pokemon society and as such don't catch wind of the gravitas guilds existence until far far later on#what they do encounter though are the echoes of the pokemon who hosted each cell as they collect them#again olivia's cell is very unstable and is constantly trying to reach out for the other cells so when the two get close enough its able to#start pulling at the other cells enough to allow for said exhoes to physically manifest to varrying degrees#most of them end up being basically boss fights with a few of them just being scared or too gone to care#for the first few jackie and olivia assumed they were some strange security system given the broken down technology around them#but eventually it becomes all to clear that Something happened. and the two of them end up struggling to agree just what that something was
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suicidemandate · 1 year
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#im so serious you probably do not want to read this i just needed to verbalise my words and be embarrassing#like dont read this. its a vent. its a depressing post. just scroll on and be happy today#...........................................................................................................................................#no because i actually dont like being alive. like this is the worst.#i can talk up and down about how beautiful the earth is and how lovely nature is and how great people really are#but it doesnt matter when i dont have the courage to go see any of that or the means to actually travel to places that are beautiful#not even if theyre in my area because the city isnt walkable#but i still have friends who i talk to every single day and i have things set up so that i am actually speaking to people like dnd#or watching stuff with zhari or even impromptu things like playing games and having people watch or multiplayer shit#and thats all well and good but i always know for a fact that i am going to fuck it up and i dont know how to curb that#i dont have money for therapy i dont have a job that works me consistently the resources that i have found dont work for me#and i know this because i have tried for years to be a better person and theres just nothing in the world that could ever make me good#like im not a fun person to be around right? im not kind and i dont know how to speak to people and im generally awkward and mean#i can swear to myself that ive changed that im better that im not the person i was when i was 14 but i havent changed. im not better#and i dont know how to be better#i dont provide any value to the people around me. at all#im just baseline a piece of shit and sometimes i do a nice thing for people sometimes im NICE and it makes people think that im kind#but im not i just did a nice thing and that doesnt make a kind person#we can try and coddle me forever and ever but we all know that its not going to be long until You know. It's all over#as in im alone again as i should be#i dont think i really care about people leaving me anymore because to be so real i deserve to be alone#i should be isolated until im no longer a piece of shit who cant be a normal kind person#and if that point never comes then like well . but its been so long and so much time where ive been this way that its like#we all know the day is never coming that ill be better than this#i really should just extract myself from people's lives already. like i need to be someone that people hardly know or speak to#it would be better that way for everyone involved#and people can come back and be like 'oh dont trust your thoughts when youre going through seasonal depression'#'dont trust your thoughts when its late' but i feel this way all the time it just gets more intense in the summer#i dont just become a better person when fall hits this is a consistent thing with me that im a piece of shit#and EVERYONE knows it
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