#and i hope none of yall on this app ever have to or have ever had to go through smth like this

[callmeshaq]

You know the more and more i think about it, the more get pissed off I get because, accident or not, he is abusing and torturing Maya Henry, even in death. He’s gotten the ultimate one-up on her because, now, people are harassing her comments telling her his death is his fault when it’s no one’s fault but his own.

I just hope Maya Henry is being surrounded with so much love and support right now. None of this is her fault.

[paintednailsandsoftdetails]

911, a confession

Let me start by saying that I don't really know what I'm doing here, so bear with me. If I actually go through with posting this, and you find yourself tagged and wondering who I am and why, or even if you happen upon it in the tags, I hope you take a minute to read this.

You don't know me, but you've been my community for a while now. I've checked your blogs daily for years, I've read your posts and loved your art and sent you countless anonymous asks to pick your brains- never hate though, because I'm not a Freak.

What I am, however, is a lonely lesbian with depression and (newly diagnosed) OCD, who has always needed some hyperfixation media/fandom to find life bearable. For some ~fun context, I was Raised by the glee fandom, I will die on the hill that watching queer as folk when I was 14 and discovering its fans 10+ years after airing made me who I am, I've got the most bizarrely timed stint in the 1D fandom under my belt, and I find nothing in the world more interesting and also affirming than Queer Reading (verb) media- to the extent that I earned an English degree and wrote a thesis specifically about it.

I haven't posted on here in 1.5 years, since I fell out of my previous fandom (apologies to anyone from said fandom who still happens to follow me and is seeing this, feel free to move along.) But I've been on this app every day since, because of 911.

(starting the read more here to spare you- again especially if you are tagged, I know you're probably feeling miserable rn but I do hope the entirety of this love letter reaches you)

I started "watching" mid season 5- by which I mean I was in a deep depressive state after disconnecting with previous media hyperfixation and, when I happened upon 911 trending while in need of distraction, I quickly fell down a rabbit hole. Tale as old as time, tumblr dot com convinces you that you need to tune into *insert media here* bc its fun and there are gay people! I caught myself up through all the big blogs and by the time May Day was airing I felt like I had a decent grasp on all the lore, all the fandom drama, all the places the writers were "definitely, so brilliantly" going to be taking the show that we had to look forward to, all without ever having actually seen an episode of the show (before you boo me, yes I've watched it by now, even season 1)

But I think it is important, and also a little messed up, that I fell in love with 911 through YOU, through the fans. Obviously watching the show initially through the lens of fan reactions first and not whats actually happening on screen can have some... interesting results. We've heard it all before, with the people who started watching specifically for Buddie around season 4/5 because they saw The Will and by the time they caught themselves up and watched the end of season 6 they wanted their refunds.

Here is where I want to make a clarification- the reason I got so interested, why I started coming back every day to check in on tags and certain favorite blogs I didn't even follow bc I was denying the want to become fully Involved, was because I fell in love with Evan Buckley. I won't lie, it was Buddie that caught my attention first- of course, thats what everyone here was talking about- and as much as I quickly started discover the value of the show outside of them (Henren my absolute Beloveds!!!!! Captain Dad Bobby Nash you are so special to ME. Chimney man of all time i can keep going) none of it was enough initially to bite the bullet and catch up on 5 seasons worth of a show I also knew would have elements I WASNT interested in (Copaganda and Taylor Kelly I am looking at you.)

But then I started really getting into fan's readings of Buck *insert footage of me learning the Buck Begins of it all for the first time* as a character separate from Eddie (as much as people were capable of anyway, and I will say some of yall continue to be absolutely atrocious at it) and I knew I was done for. Buck, this character so full of goodness, and his need to be Found but to also Find his own family and purpose and sense of self, for whom the show's thesis statement concerns the act of working to Make the kind of Love you want to have in this world, even if you were raised without a blueprint for it- I'm sorry but what else were me and my gay ass queer reading inclined hyperfixated brain to do other than take Evan Buckley into the folds and never let him go?

I love Buck. I was convinced by the time the s5 finale was airing before I had actually watched the show that Buck had to be bi. Even if they never did a thing with it you couldn't convince me otherwise and I was also confident that Oliver was portraying him with a similar mindset. I never wavered in that interpretation, even when the utter disappointment of the s6 finale and the failure to do anything truly meaningful character development wise through the lightning strike-Natalia speed run hit, and certainly not as I got fully caught up actually watching the show outside of tumblr live reactions during episode airings. I'll admit I was pretty ready to Check Out after the end of season 6, to the point where I hardly checked in on fandom at all going into 7 until the rumblings of possible canon Bi Buck reached me and I doubled back like "hold on, for real this time?" But when I say Check Out, I mean I was ready to walk away from the hyperfixation with a joint lack of satisfaction with canon & firm conviction that Buck was queer.

Things with Eddie are a lil different- and I want to try and keep this bit brief bc this is ultimately a post about Buck and Bucktommy and I have no interest in unsettling those of you who may have a queer reading connection to Eddie as real as the one I feel for Buck, but unfortunately this conversation cannot exist separately from the Eddie/Buddie of it all- I personally don't think Eddie is queer. I don't really think I ever did, even when I was in the thick of it with falling for Buddie. I know me saying this would cause certain audience to pelt me with accusations of fetishizing Buck or treating Eddie as nothing more than a vehicle for Queer Buck via Buddie- false! I actually think Eddie is an incredibly fascinating character, a deeply compelling representation of grief and fatherhood and masculinity, and also a hilariously weird lil bitch guy. I just don't feel like- especially having removed fanon glasses while actually starting to watch the show, and taking the time to acknowledge that the things about Buddie that appealed to me on a romantic level (this is NOT about their friendship which i stand by being beautiful and important) all boiled down elements I was reading within and onto BUCK specifically, not Eddie. Perhaps an impossible concept for some, the idea that Bi Buck could feel so real and apparent to me primarily divorced from the idea that Eddie had to be queer as well, but I won't bore you with my explanations for it, though I suspect the people tagged and still reading by this point know exactly what I am talking about.

All of this potentially obnoxious prologue to say, I've spent the last however many months falling in love with canon Bi Buck *insert footage of me speed running back into my daily fandom involvement/blog check ins the moment I knew Buck kissed a man*, with Bucktommy, and with Bucktommy fans.

For a long while there I had resigned myself to an odd, though perhaps not as unique as I thought, reality of loving and fully believing in Queer Buck, not necessarily feeling the same about Eddie or Buddie, but also in full agreement with many that already 6 seasons in with literally nothing else having remotely worked, Buddie would be the only satisfying conclusion for Buck's love story. This is again not exactly how I felt about Eddie- but a big part of that for me is that I don't think Eddie's primarily story in 911 is a love story. He's the vessel for telling other important, beautiful stories about fatherhood and forgiveness and that is OKAY bc not every characters story is a love story!!! Evan Buckley's is though (Despite some very weird and confusing things mr stark has just said about his character that actively contradict what hes previously said and what audiences have been looking at and for this entire time, but I digress)

But then! By whatever happy accident we want to call it 911 had Tommy Kinard fall back into its lap as the solution to what felt like the impossible: They found the ONE way they could introduce a non Eddie Diaz love interest for Buck that COULD be satisfying for Bucks story. Someone with connections to the 118 and the shows history and potential for further development within main storylines as his job directly pertains to their plots. Someone with such compelling connections for interweaving these two characters that it got us- including the showrunner- talking about the Red String of Fate. That it got some of the beloved tumblr pals I had been watching for years, who NEVER would have believed they'd ever root for a Buck endgame that wasnt Buddie doing exactly that, and with joy, love, and conviction. Again I'll ask, what else were me and my Buck loving brain to do but take Bucktommy into the folds and never let go? (apparently I hadn't considered that there was apparently horrifying alternative- more on that next!)

As you all damn well know, falling in love with Bucktommy has not come without its trails. I have never seen things in fandom as vile as the things I've seen go down here. And as I mentioned before, I've been IN IT with yall for a while, even if you didnt know it. I was here, lurking, and I know this fandom has had its highlight reels of racism and misogyny and harassment (despite certain factions current batshit consensus that things were "never bad" before *gasp* a couple of people, some over the ancient age *double gasp* of 30 heard about bucktommy through tumblr the same damn way the 90% of you who havent been watching since season 1 heard about buddie and decided to invest)

What happened tonight made me cry, for about 40 minutes straight. And yeah, its been a devastating week for us all for a lot of reasons. On top of the ~national dread (I'm a lesbian in the US btw) today was my 7th out of 9 straight days of open to close shifts in a demanding retail/management position, and I have a head cold so maybe this was just a Breaking Point after a whole lotta shit.

But also, maybe, it was really fucking shitty to watch this play out. I've already seen countless people say it better than I could. Yeah, its a tv show. It's a fictional ship. But its also escapism, a spot of joy many of us were extra dependent on this week. It was something GOOD, queer representation and a love story on national tv days after a horrifying reality set in for queer people, and we are allowed to acknowledge how much losing that sucks just on a general level for a second...

Second over, now lets talk not on the general level. Lets talk about how I've watched real human beings get harassed, sent death threats, be told they are faking cancer and failing to properly grieve dead loved ones, I've watched deeply homphobic language be adopted and incorporated into everyday use despite constant correction and pleas from queer men to knock it the hell off, I've watched homophia as a whole run rampant and unchecked by big blogs, with some biphobia to boot, I've seen some images of horrific anti gay violence and historical trauma invoked as a way to make fun of others, I've seen lesbianism slandered and proffered as an excuse for such vile behavior in a disgusting erasure of the beautiful solidarity that has historically existed between gay men and lesbians in the face of homophobia, and yes, I've seen graphic descriptions of child rape via targeted fanfiction attacks.

Again, others have already said it better than I can: This isn't about Bucktommy. It's about the way that everyone who was Pulling for them as a couple, who DARED to *checks scribble on hand* enjoy a canon queer mlm couple featuring a character (or two) they've grown to care deeply for, has been subjected to all the above mentioned and more, and for...what. For. What.

In the name of a fanon couple that has not been legitimized by the writers in 7 years? of a fanon character interpretation of a canonically straight man (not just assumed straight, verbally assigned straight now on multiple occasions) that people cannot fathom perceiving this show, let alone liking these characters, without? For the version of this story that, if the writers REALLY wanted to happen could have happened so many fucking times by now- especially when the show was coming to what might have been its end in s6- and still hasn't? A version that has been dismissed multiple times by the writers cast crew and every other unfortunate individual who has been harassed repeatedly about it?

And I'm not here to say Buddie is inherently bad!!!! It brought me into this same as the rest of you. I don't even believe it would necessarily be a bad or wrong conclusion for either character or the show were it to eventually, finally happen!! But for the love of god, hear me when i say from the outsider pov of someone who has experience the show in the way I did first through fandom then stepping back to watch for real and now watching it with my mother who is a near Exact representation of the general audience of this show (experienced Procedural watcher, no idea about Buddie or fandom interpretation, had no sense of gay eddie to speak of, and is not shocked but pleasantly surprised by and endeared by Bi Buck) you are SEVERELY deluded if you think what happened tonight by breaking up Bucktommy "makes sense" to any audience outside of buddies who've been writing manifestos for years about how every single thing in this show is "carefully, intentionally, clearly" leading to Buddie canon. I swear to you the people at home do not fucking see it. The people at home saw Buck in a nice, developing relationship that finally seemed to be going somewhere real for him after discovering an important part of his identity late in life, and then they saw that relationship abruptly ended and Buck heartbroken, going to sit with his best, still straight, bud Eddie Diaz. The ONLY people this makes sense for are the people who I am afraid it seems may have legimately bullied this into happening.

And if that is the case? We are sooo far fucking past the point of no return here. There is no true satisfaction in a Buddie canon endgame here for anyone who's lived through the past half a year in this fandom unless you were a perpetrator of any of the horrific shit mentioned above. I mean that with my whole fucking chest. If, and i do think it is a Big Fucking Fat if, Buddie does happen, and you find yourself no qualms happy and satisfied with it as your well earned endgame, I hope you know how rotted you are. And while I'm at it, I hope some way some how you come to see that this was not the carefully crafted beautifully developed loved story of all time you were gods bravest soldier in waiting for. Its just what left after years of meandering storytelling and cyclical character "development" with a bow slapped on top at the last moment because the gift giver was afraid you might kill them if they presented less.

Anyway. I said a million words ago that this was a love letter, and I do mean that. As much as its also been an mental health exercise for me to write this all out. So,

@kinardbuckleys @bucksboobs @kirkaut @tevankinkley @userautumn @sunglassesmish @tommyscurls @ohithankyou @buckxtommy @princessfbi @bigfootsmom @firewasabeast

(And so many other people I'm surely forgetting, and the few artists and writters on other platforms I dared to venture to- maybe never opening twitter again after this xoxo)

Thank you. You don't know me, I never quite got over the anxiety of trying to re-enter a fandom space after a time away, or maybe some of the imposter syndrome or embarrassment I felt accidentally falling in love with this show and Buck by just watching you all talk about him before anything else. But for the last few months, some of you years, you've been my community, my escape. I've loved watching your brains and your hearts work to discuss and create, even amidst the absolute shittiest fandom behavior Ive ever seen. And I am as grateful for getting to experience it from a far as I am devastated at the thought of losing it, of not individually typing in all your blog names (I was too anxious to even FOLLOW you guys truly rip) to see what new content or spec or art or love you had to share about Buck / Bucktommy every day.

In another life- one where idk perhaps people were kinder or showrunners weren't bullied and actors weren't dropped last minute after months of torment and a satisfying canon queer love story for a character who genuinely needs it could just Be in peace- I would have loved to one day put on my big girl pants (aka saved Buck url) joined the fandom for real. To have directly talked to any of you in a way that wasnt... this.

I would have loved to love Bucktommy with you.

[vvh0adie]

okay i had something else typed up that was waaay longer but fuck it

tw: mentions of depression, dysphoria, police brutality, and passive/active suicidal ideations, US election, implications of death

yall im suffering from dysphoria, depression that evolved the egregious month of may 2020- so now its every summer, this years police brutality, the election and ideations that are teetering on the passive and active state

i must do something now or i may not be with yall

i have to leave the internet right now

i have a month left till college and its bugging me really bad cuz im alone in my room with no other peers 24/7. this is not helping my loneliness

technically yall are my only "friends" cuz i have none in irl, so this may be so fucking counterproductive but i started socials in 2019 ive gone longer without physical and internet friends as a teen cuz i waited until adulthood to get on this shit ass place. i have to make this sacrifice to save myself or i wont even be able to come back to yall. im so sorry

hopefully to ease you and myself, here are some goals that you can think about with me so i can pull through:

aug 21 - i move into my dorm

aug 26 - class starts

personal - start writing original stories

personal - working on my dorm amazon wishlist

personal - gender affirming care: social transitioning

personal - start drawing again

personal - start working a remote job or open an art store

while im gone feel free to inbox or tag me in anything you like so i have motivation come back and see all your wonder stuff

i think i owe it to yall, especially over the internet, to voice this so you just dont live with anxious thoughts over me not responding over a long period of time or that ive completely given up

im leaving because i havent. i just have a really big challenge to overcome or really prevent

im finna catch this shit right now cuz i dont want to be active. am i happy with how shit is? Absolutely Not!

do i want to get gone to the ancestral plane? NO! NOT YET, DAMN😭

but i have got to go and i hope you guys can support me on this

i have deleted all social apps off my phone, chrome on the computer and will be logging out.

just know on a scale of 10, im at a 4.5 - so like im literally on the fence. if i dont go now and do something about myself, i may slip into active state

i tend to pathologize instead of feel my emotions but i am highly aware that shit aint right. where i would have just layed in bed and wallowed, i now have to get my shit together or i will be in the ground

for those worried about my irl support system, i have my parents

thank you to everyone who has ever interacted with me. if i have any updates, they will be here; very short and sweet so i can log off

i hope everyone has a great rest of their summer

okay bye bye. i love you

[davenusianastronaut]

My Life is like a movie!

Chile I'm gonna be honest this last time scared the shxt out of me ...They hacked in my cashapp took all my money! I had no where to go I was legit homeless for 2 days sleeping outside with my pomeranian in a pink stroller! 

I was fighting with cash app for 3 weeks straight about my money being stolen. Baby they was having none of it. They kept giving me DENIED DENIED DENIED. Get off our phone ma'am. EXIT the chat miss. I had to experience the dark side of Cash app.

I was deep in the abyss. I was being sucked in by a black hole being gobbled up & set on fire by the void! I had to think quick on my feet.

I called the police and reported it. I made a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) sounds fancy right! Then I filed a complaint with the BBB. I was able to download those report claims in PDF. Took a picture of the paper the officer wrote on and had to wait patiently for them to send me the 500th email with the same bot! But I got one from Audrey and just sent her all my documents on a wish, hope, and a prayer! That was the longest 2 days of my life. I woke up to a POSSUM trying to sneak attack us! My Pomeranian, Bonnie Lulu, was shook. I got up at 4 in the morning to move because I just watched a possum climb back in a tree 20 feet away from me. I took the same big body cart and bonnie stroller. Packed our snacks and rolled across the street behind a plaza that was pretty tucked away from the rest of the public. I finally found a secluded place that no one would ever find me. I was relieved.

But when I tell yall I was calm, I wasn't afraid, I kept my composure and remained poised throughout the whole ordeal. I continued to be positive and thanked God consistently still! I was still happy and met really cool ppl and conversated with them. I would have not had that chance if none of this happened. It unlocked a new strength in me. I kept my head raised up towards the sun & just trusted in God. 

BOMB, I was blessed the 3rd morning when I woke up.I got all the money back they stole from me.I was shocked and happy as hell. I gave thanks to the high heavens while laying on a stack of cardboard boxes i made as a bed (some nice ppl brought it to me bc i was sleeping on the ground with a green screen sheet wrapped around me lololol) but ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. I was able to go to a place way better and more safe and in a way better location. And i got a huge opportunity the next day after I arrived!

It pays off to just keep going and don't look back. Walk with him he will guide you and protect you.  

The one thing that saved me is I never lost hope, I never gave up, & I continued to move forward no matter what. I pushed through that imaginary wall they tried to block me with. You should of seen the looks on everyone's face when I was restored by God. I hopped in my Lexus Uber and hauled it out of there into the Sun back to paradise

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[shu-sakamaki]

I wanted to share some domestic/gentle Shuu Sakamaki headcanons because the world need softness (and admin like headcanons nobody can stop me Ú-Ù) Those headcanons are when Shuu is in a relationship with his S/O and he is happy

- Shuu loves art, not like "art is for certain people" type of bs, Shuu like all types of art, cinema, paintings, music, dance, everything. And I feel like he have all those apps on his phone that gives him notifications when there is a new exhibit or a new restaurant that just opened and he always check up on it to take his girlfriend somewhere. It's like "hey did you see that there is a two-months exhibit about Ancient Egypt ? We should go see it." or "I saw that a new Indian restaurant opened, do you want to eat Indian food ?" He also like well-done video games with nice storyline and beautiful visuals or indie psychological films. #shuuisaarthoe

- Matching pyjama set matching pyjama set !! This one is inspired from @nutaella-kookie 's blog where she have a "things that Shuu might be into" article and she wrote about pj pants on girls which made think that blondie would love to match pyjamas with you and buy really comfy satin sets for both of you OR buy one pj set and you will wear the top part and he'll wear the pants.

- He also looooooves skincare ! Not necessarily the really long layering skincare routine but the facemasks and the face facecreams with a soft scent, him and you are putting on your sheet masks and taking a bunch of silly pictures together or trying the new snacks that you bought the day before.

- Talking about snacks and food, I'm sure that Shuu cooks really well, (he's like Barbie, he can do everything) even simple meals like pasta he made it taste like something expensive, its like HOW ?? What is he putting in the food ? Also if you're trying to cook something and you fail it's okay, he will probably taste it or eat it anyways or gobble it down just like he ate Kanato's jelly-

- Shuu likes to put on soft music in the morning and wake his girlfriend up with kisses on her neck and cheeks before lifting her up and gently putting her on the couch when she have to wake up to go to work or school. "Love, did you sleep well ? I'm going to make you some coffee..."

- Late nights convo with him are the BOMB, I don't know what yall are talking about, but yall be talking till the sun rises. Also, none of you really says goodnight because you are falling asleep in the middle of a conversation.

- When you have the impulse of adopting an animal, Shuu is not really the type to calm you down, in fact, he may be worse. You can be like "Omg I want a baby goat" and he'll answer by "They're so cute" and both of you are already in a conversation about names then two hours later Shuu come back "Well, maybe it's not a good idea, we live in a flat...we need a house...and a garden, or else the goat won't be happy."

- Watching movies or shows with him is the best thing ever because he can be like "This is stupid" but keep watching to see where it goes (example : he's watching Twilight) or if he's interested he gives the most interesting theories ever and you two can talk for HOURS about what is going to happen next. And if you are watching an episode without him he will appear on the dark little space of the room like "How dare you 🧍🏼‍♂️" and will fake being hurt.

- Shuu is good at imitations, to you moaning when he was having sex with you last night, to the weird man that you saw on the tram.

- Now I know that Shuu is a Sadistic fuck and really cruel and mean, but something about him gives me "gentle giant" type of vibes and I think that he's the dude who regularly gives money to homeless people and humanitarian societies, especially the ones that help starving children.

- On the subject of children, Shuu have the FACE that attracts little kids, like those bright wide eyes are the ones that the babies are looking at in the line during groceries shopping and Shuu is sometimes making silly faces to make them laugh. Or if he sees an alone children who's lost and crying he will slightly look at them, just to check that nothing happens or even ask where are their parents.

- Shuu hates public transport, crowded places where strangers are squeezed together, he hates it with his whole chest. One time a dude was checking you out and smirked and blondie was going mental on the little wagon, you had to calm him down and tell that there are people, when you walked out, Shuu shoulder-checked the dude and was hoping to see him fall on the dirty floor.

- If your legs hurt or you are tired of walking when you are outside, he makes you jump on his back (his arched back yum) or he lift you up in bridal style without a care in the world, yes, even if you are in the middle of the city with dozens of people.

- Shuu is the clingy type and especially when you are outside he want to maintain physical contact so he's holding your hand most of the time and I feel like he has the habits of rubbing your hand with his thumbs or absent-mindedly kissing the back of it and you just look at him like "🥺🥺"

- Also about him clingy in public, he is also the boyfriend who put his head on the top of your head or your shoulder, holding you by the waist or give you soft pecks on the lips by pressing your cheeks together with one hand and kissing you.

- Shuu kinda gives the best advice regarding fashion, I think that he knows a lot about color coordination so he is able to give you the best advice in regards of clothing or makeup that you should pick when you are shopping together.

Now, I probably got carried away so I'm going to stop there and wish everyone to have a wonderful day and to be happy, if you are in a tough situation remember that it will get better I promise, whoever you are, you are deserving of happiness and worthy of love and you are all beauties and I say we should drown Shuu in our gorgeousness. 😃🤗

((This.... *CHEF KISS*. Soft.

[blazinbeautywrites]

Man Crush Monday

Note: Due to the rampant uprising of plagiarism on this site and others I am stating once and once only that this is my ORIGINAL work. If I find out that you have stolen/taken any part of my work I will handle you and the situation the way I see fit.

None of the pics or gifs I use belong to me unless stated otherwise. Full credit goes to the originators of said gifs and pics.

A/N: I know this is a lil late lol but this is part of my Smut Week writing challenge which you can find here. Hope yall enjoy Producer Zab!

Length: 1,431 words

Genre: Smut

It was a rainy Monday night when Jade was scrolling through her IG feed. Just when she was bored of the app, she got a notification that her favorite producer, Zabdiel posted to his page. Clicking on it, Jade was met with the best site she’d ever seen. There he was, in all his sweaty glory, in his custom home gym. Jade moaned at the site and decided to be a little bold. She clicked on the post share button and posted him to her story with the caption “Mmmmm looking fine. #MCM” Unbeknownst to Jade, a fellow fan who followed her, saw her post and decided to screenshot it and tag him and Jade both. Jade was a singer with moderate fame and a small following on various social media sites so it was a big deal when she posted other celebs. Jade decided to call it a night and soon was off to sleep.

                                               _______________

The next morning she awoke to the incessant buzzing of her phone and a missed facetime from her bestie Malina. She didn’t bother with her notifications but chose to return Malina’s call.

“Malina girl what’s up.” Jade spoke as she sleepily rubbed her eyes.

“Well judging by your calm ass demeanor, I guess you haven’t been on ig or twitter?” Malina said.

“Uhhh no. Did something happen?” Jade asked.

“Girl! You’re blowing up! Apparently some fan accounts of Zabdiel caught your story and posted it on their pages. Well Zabdiel saw it and reposted it.” Malina said. Jade damn near short circuited when Malina said that last bit.

“Malina, imma call you back.” Jade hung up and immediately checked her instagram. She had thousands of notifications. She checked her dms and almost passed out. There on top was a dm from Zabdiel himself.

“Hey sorry if this is weird but I saw the post and I’m flattered. I’m going to this industry party later on tonight and I saw your name was also on the guestlist and was wondering if we could meet in person. 

Jade had to compose herself before she responded or else she’d definitely make a fool of herself.

“Shit I’m just now seeing this. Yeah I’ll be there tonight and I’d love to meet up. See you tonight!

Jade was just about to exit her dms when she saw he replied with a smiley face. She liked his response then sat her phone on her side table and decided to get ready for her day.

                                                 _______________

She arrived at the party a little late due to her indecisiveness. After she tore her closet apart, she finally settled on a simple black long sleeved crop top with a red plaid skirt, and some black doc martens.

She walked into the venue and was immediately hit with the smell of weed. She also took note that there was a group of ppl doing lines of coke at a vip table. Jade made her way to the open bar and ordered herself a watermelon whisky sour. Zabdiel spotted her as soon as she walked in thanks to her posting her look on ig beforehand. He made his way over to her and tapped her on the shoulder.

“Jade?” Zabdiel asked.

“Zabdiel! Hey!” Jade said. Giving him a hug. She marveled in his sweet, cinnamon scent.

“You’re better looking in person, well you fine as hell so I don’t know what I was expecting.” Zabdiel spoke.

“And you’re taller in person. Gotta admit, I was expecting a hobbit or something.” Jade joked. Zabdiel was amused, especially since he towered over her.

“Well I’m glad I could disappoint you.” He joked back. Their banter went on for a bit before they found a vip table to sit and talk. They talked about music and Jade was taken aback when Zabdiel admitted that he listened to her music.

“Wait really? Quick, what’s your favorite song?” Jade inquired.

“Oh that’s easy. Don’t Tempt me is by far my favorite song of yours. Your vocals were like fucking butter on that shit. I wanted to remix it when I first heard it.” Zab said.

“Well what stopped you?” Jade asked.

“I wanted you to sing on it.” Zabdiel said. Jade smiled at that and finished off her drink. After talking for a little bit more. Zabdiel and Jade made their rounds then dipped from the party. 

                                            _______________

Jade and Zabdiel were jamming out to some of his unreleased tracks in his home studio. Jade insisted on hearing some more of his music and Zabdiel happily agreed. They were going back and forth posting each other on their ig stories, causing a frenzy amongst their fans.

“I bet our fans are dying right now.” Jade laughed. A new unreleased track played and Jade got hype. She loved songs that made her wanna shake her ass and that’s exactly what she did. What she didn’t know was that Zab was filming and posting a video of her twerking to his ig story.

“Did I tell you how fine you were already?’ Zabdiel said as he moved closer to her. Jade smiled at him and turned to face him. She ran her finger down his chest and smirked.

“You did but I don’t mind you telling me again.” Jade smiled then leaned in, planting a soft kiss on his lips. She pulled back and smiled at him. She got up to move but he grabbed her and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around him as he trapped her between his warm body and the wall. Zabdiel kissed her, more passionately this time. He slipped his tongue in her mouth, making her moan as she sucked on it. They made out for a bit before Zabdiel fell back onto a sofa in his studio, Jade in his lap. She was grinding on him, feeling him get hard. Zabdiel moved his hand so that it was positioned near her warm heat. He started rubbing languid circles on her clothed pussy. Her moans were music to his ears. He sped up his movements until he felt her wetness seep through her underwear. Jade was a mess and he loved it.

“I wanna fuck you so bad. You want me to fuck you babygirl?” Zabdiel asked.

“Yes. I want you to fuck me so fucking bad.” Jade moaned. Zabdiel didn’t need to be told twice. He pushed his pant’s down just enough for his dick to pop out. Jade was mesmerized. He was bigger than she was used to but she was gonna take it like a big girl. Jade jerked him off a few times then spit on his dick. She pulled her underwear to the side and sank down on his length. She marveled at the fullness she felt. Zabdiel almost bust right then and there. 

“Fuck you’re so tight. You feel so good wrapped around my dick baby.” Zabdiel sighed. Jade started bouncing on his dick, biting her lip to conceal a loud moan that threatened to escape her mouth.

“God you feel so good inside me…...fuuuuuuuck.” Jade moaned. She got into a squat position and rode Zabdiel’s dick. He was in heaven and felt himself about to cum. He lifted her shirt, revealing her bare breast. He took her left one in his mouth while he played with the right. As he continued sucking on her left nipple, he moved his other hand to her clit and rubbed quick circles. Jade felt herself about to burst. Her movements got sloppier as her orgasm came crashing down upon her. Jade sat fully on his dick, attempting to milk him for all he was worth.

“Yes that’s it baby, ride this dick. Fuck I’m cumming shit…..shiiiiitttt.” Zabdiel moaned. Jade hopped off of him and got down on her knees. She caught every last drop of cum as it shot out of his dick. She stuck her tongue out to show him that she’d swallowed it all, Zabdiel smiled. She was a keeper.

                                            _____________

“You should produce my debut album.” Jade said as she laid on Zabdiel’s sofa watching him work.

“Damn. Dick was so good you're giving me jobs now?” He laughed.

“Don’t get cocky. I’ve always wanted to work with you but my management wouldn’t let me reach out to you. Thank god you slid in my dms though.” Jade said, giving him a smile.

“I’m glad too. If you really want me to, I'll produce your shit, on one condition though. You go out on a date with me.” Zabdiel said. 

“Hmmmm………..okay.” Jade said.

“So it’s a date?” Zab asked.

“It’s a date.” Jade smiled.

[barsformars]

The Sun’s Out

//

g - scifi, fluff

p - mingi × reader

w.c - 1.2k

t.w - none

c - the sun only shines for one hour every 22 years; you accompany your friend for his first experience.

a.n - inspired by 'all summer in a day' by ray bradbury. this was an unexpectedly quick writing, only took me about 2 hours (yes i usually take very long) and i really like it so i hope yall enjoy it too <3

//

playlist 🚀

- the day after tomorrow by frantz langdon

- levitate by rizik

“What's the sun like?”

This was the very first time he had ever asked you about it, knowing that he would only be jealous if he heard about how amazing it is from someone his age who had actually experienced it. If it was just the textbooks or the adults talking, he could at least pretend they were making things up. But now that the both of you were here, sitting on a wet grass field, awaiting the arrival of the sun for the first time in 22 years, he's ready to hear it from you.

There's a mix of excitement and curiosity in his voice as he asked eagerly, only for his face to dim when you leaned back on your arms, looking up at the gloomy skies instead of him.

“If you can even recall it, that is.” You've never heard him sound this small throughout the 6 years of friendship.

But how do you even start describing the sun to someone who has never seen it? It's blinding, but the artificial sun lamps are too. It's hot, but so are the ovens, fireplaces and heated blankets here. It's the same but also very different. How do you even start describing the feeling of basking in the warmth of the sun rays to someone who has never felt it?

“The sun is like…” you paused for a moment, wondering if it would be right to say, “you?” That was the best way you could put it without having to talk about the sun in the ways your dear friend already knew well.

“Like me?” He asked, in disbelief. You were the one the adults always compared the sun to — something about your smile, they say.

“Yeah,” you replied, turning your head to face him as you flashed him the grin everyone gushes about, “just like you.”

In fact, you think Mingi is way more deserving to be compared to the sun than you were. All you had was a dazzling smile and tanned skin — though now very much faded, still evidence that you lived under the sun nevertheless — but the boy had optimism, hope and energy that could rival the sun's. But you get why they never tell him that, you think it would fuel his curiosity so much more it would cause a gaping hole in his heart — makes the long wait even longer.

“What? You don't trust me?” Mingi didn't seem to buy your words, his eyebrows still raised and eyes wide open like a sad puppy begging for affection.

“I just-” he sighs, from what emotions, you don't know but you bet there's a lot he has to process. “Is it time yet?”

You gave your wristwatch two little taps on the smooth black screen and the time pops up on it in mustard yellow. “Almost,” you say, slightly breathless now that your heart was racing at the thought of seeing the sun again. If the scientists were accurate about the time, Mingi would be experiencing the sun at its strongest. You used to detest it, always complaining about how unbearable the heat was. To be fair, it really was, and you think there's a chance you might feel the same even now after years of craving the sharp burning sensation.

Mingi pulls out a polaroid camera from his bag, ready to snap a few shots as evidence that he did actually see the sun, that it wasn't just a hallucination or a dream anymore. You advised him not to get too caught up with taking pictures that he missed the chance to appreciate the sun for real. He agreed, but still insisted on taking a picture of you, and also asked for you to take one of him later on. A few minutes were precious when you only have a mere hour, but two pictures wouldn't hurt so you nodded.

When the sun finally starts to peek out from behind the grey clouds — much like a shy child meeting his mother's friends for the very first time — Mingi’s eyes widened. He could not believe his eyes, everything he had been hearing and learning about has been true all along.

“That's it, that's the sun!” When the sun revealed itself in full, Mingi hopped up from the ground as he pointed at the sun, exclaiming. “It's so,” he gasps, studying the rays of sun that landed on his arms, “it burns, so hot….but I like it. Tell me how that makes sense.” It's not like anything he has felt before, the artificial sun lamps couldn't compare.

You've never seen him smile so bright throughout the 6 years of friendship. But seeing him now, he truly is the epitome of the sun.

You let him indulge in the sunshine in private as you turned your eyes away from him, looking up towards the sky instead. Like you always used to, despite knowing how damaging it could be for your eyes, you held your hand up in front of your face. You opened up a small gap between your index and middle finger and looked right at the sun with squinted eyes. For a moment it feels like you're back on Earth, your home planet. You can't help but let the corners of your lips curl upwards, everything feels so bad but so good.

Mingi watches as you relive your moments back home and he imitates you, only that he was too unfamiliar to the sun to be able to tolerate it as long as you could. He envies you, right at this moment, more than any other time. The sun was pleasurable and exciting for a first timer like him, but that's all it was. He envies that you have such an extensive and deep connection to something so special.

Mingi rolls his sleeves and pants up, wanting every inch of his being to feel the skin piercing burn of the sun. He was always one to enjoy the heat, sometimes a little too much. You laugh, telling him to roll them back down if he wants the full experience and a souvenir to keep for the next few weeks, or even months.

“Getting ugly tan lines is a must, Mingi.”

“You should have told me that earlier,” he pouted as he unfolds his clothes, slightly embarrassed, an amateur he was.

“I forgot tan lines were a thing since mine faded,” you said softly, your heart aching a little.

The both of you sipped on the lemonade you had brought from home (the ice had melted by then) as you bid farewell to the sun. The drink was a nice touch, Mingi said. You explained that it was what people back on Earth do, especially during summer when the sun is relentless.

“See you in 22 years,” Mingi muttered under his breath as the sun went back into hiding, the grey clouds he grew up seeing everyday replacing the ball of fire. The field is no longer a golden yellow, it slowly turns back into its usual hue of grey and blue, as if God was playing with filters on a photo editing app.

Everything gradually returns back to normal, and Mingi doesn't know whether the familiar feels more comfortable. After all, you were foreign when you first touched down on this planet. Yet you were the one who brought him the most joy and the most comfort. In his eyes, you're even brighter than the sun. The sun may show him a part of the universe he may never be familiar with, but you show him a whole new world. And maybe that's why he's so fond of you, because you remind him of the sun, only more intense and warmer.

Or maybe he should say, he loves the sun so much because he's reminded of you.

[ice-emperor-zane]

*inhales* Yellow cyan violet black gray claret penny ash jade pecan wine cherry ginger rust honey frost coconut fulvous mauve erin

Sorry not sorry I’m a curious simp

Oki, wow, this is a lot, aight lets do this lmao :)

Yellow: Name of an artist you think is underappreciated

oh god idk, hmm, @bigeloo? Idk im in a ninjago discord with them and sometimes they send their art there and its really cool

Cyan: Are you Religious? Spiritual?

I was raised Catholic but im now Agnostic (meaning I don’t know if theres a God or any Gods and im not gonna pretend to know)

Violet: Are you a part of the Lgbt+ community?

Yup :) Im nonbinary, im asexual, and i might be panromantic, or demiromamtic, im not sure, still questioning on that part tbh

Black: Would you ever try going vegetarian or vegan?

Im currently vegetarian, tho I dont care if yall eat meat or whatever, im lucky to be in a situation where I can be vegetarian and I completely understand that some ppl can’t or just don’t want to, besides, theres way bigger problems on this earth right now than wether people eat meat or not. I doubt i’ll ever go vegan, because cheese and chocolate is very tasty, but maybe someday when the vegan substitutes for those things improve, then maybe I might :)

Gray: How many Languages Do you speak? Do you want to learn more?

Mostly English, and very minimal French and Spanish from school. I’ve tried to learn Japanese before too from like duolingo, so i know a little bit of that, and I made myself memorise how to say ‘sorry, I don’t speak much of [insert language], do you speak English?’ in a few languages for if I ever end up traveling there before learning to speak the language. But im only really like fluent in English lol

Claret: Do you play an instrument? do you want to learn to play any?

I did piano lessons for about a year until quarantine and I’ve learnt a few songs from those youtube tutorials, but other than that I dont know any. It would be cool to do singing lessons, because unfortunately I am a little bit of a theatre kid and would love to randomly start singing ‘Michael in the bathroom’ from Be More Chill

Penny: Icecream or cake?

Both are poggers, probably icecream, but oh my fsm, my Mom makes the best cakes ever, she could do it professionally, they are so nice, yall have no idea

Ash: Can you do your own makeup?

Yeah, i love doing makeup, i once tried to have a makeup instagram account, it didnt go too well (i quit after about a month) but i still love doing it as a hobby :) (im actually trying to do makeup less at the moment though, it was making me a little bit dysphoric, but as an occasional thing, like being a drag queen, its great!)

Jade: Ever written fanfiction?

Yeah, mostly just one shots and little drabbles though, and I haven’t in a while, might start doing stuff again soon, maybe, idk

Pecan: Shuffle your playlist, what’s the first song that comes up

It was this: https://youtu.be/DGTDcZxs0ww (“Sub Urban- Cradles (slowed)”)

Wine: do you have a ‘type’?

Kinda debatable,, most/all the people I’ve dated have had similar vibes, but wether I actually liked any of them is a different question 😳😳😳

Cherry: youtubers you enjoy watching

Maybe Jessie Paege? Or Pm Seymour? To be honest, most of my youtube recommendations are somehow tiktok compilations, because my tiktok fyp has always been really weird so instead of actually using tiktok on the app i use it via youtube

Ginger: any sideblogs?

yeah and im embarrassed of them, yall will never know 😳

wait theres one yall can know about, i have the url “Wohira” but I’ve never like posted anything there

Rust: form of art you enjoy doing?

As well as makeup which i mentioned before, theres also digital art, which i do the most often :)

Honey: your thoughts on magic? Does it exist?

I think it’d be very cool if it did, and i hope it does? Like ive never seen magic stuff ofc, and i have my doubts that its real, but it sounds fun so like idk, maybe it is? I’d like to believe it is?

Frost: a -core you enjoy

Looking at the aesthetics wiki, i think maybe mostly bloomcore?

Coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

Psychology, its all really interesting and i wish they taught it at my school, because where I am you have to take it as an option that only starts in 11th grade (currently in 9th grade)

Fulvous: another name you think would suit you?

Buddy im still trying to find one, im currently going by Rae and that seems nice maybe? but oh my god ive used like 20 names before now and not a single one of them seemed right lmao

Mauve: any unpopular oppinions?

I probably have a few, but i can’t think of them off the top of my head, and im not really looking for discourse,, so,,, no?

Erin: What Was/Is your best school subject

Ive already answered this one, i’ll copy/paste it? Oki so

Maybe maths? Or art? Tho honestly, none of my grades are consistent and I can go from an A to an Ungraded and back again in a heartbeat 😎 (and not even an F, an ungraded, like they litterally cant grade it its so bad lmao 🤩✨) I think it depends more on what teacher i have for the lesson and how tired I am on the day of any tests more than subject itself? If that makes sense lol

And its done! Heck yeah! :)

[artificialqueens]

Girl I Met On The Internet, 4/? (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

Summary: Gigi and Crystal discuss things in person. Elites Only also gains a new member.

As soon as Crystal realized what was happening, she exited the Twitter app. The girl she had been talking to for months, the girl she had shared so many things with was Georgina Goode, who happened to be best friends with the girl who hated Crystal for no reason, because of course this would happen to Crystal.  

Crystal’s mind was racing, her brain instantly jumping to the worse case scenarios. Did Gigi know she was talking to Crystal this entire time? Was this entire thing just a ploy orchestrated by Dahlia to get dirt on her? Georgina was not gay, but Gigi was. Did Gigi even like her, or was Crystal just an experiment that no one would ever find out about because it was over the internet? She knew none of these theories made sense, she didn’t think Gigi had any idea who she was until now.

Gigi was freaking out. She had messaged Crystal, attempting to explain herself, but she had gotten no reply. Crystal hadn’t even read them. Panicking, she messaged Jan, hoping she would be online.

gigi: jan oh my fuckigng

jan!: WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YALL GFS??

gigi: …no

jan!: and why is that?

gigi: she literally goes to my school she sent me a selfie and i sent one back without saying that we’re irls and she just said what the fuck and now she wont message me back

gigi: i know u don’t like how rude dahlia is so im sorry i have to mention her but she’s literally the girl dahlia picks on for no reason i didn’t even know her name was crystal

jan!: W H A T 

gigi: what do i do

jan!: girl like i know?? this doesn’t usually happen to people.

jan!: when do you usually see crystal

gigi: i see her in the halls sometimes. she told me before that she stays mostly in the art wing tho

jan!: ok. tomorrow  go to the art wing and find her. talk to her. she’s probably not responding bc im sure it’s not a good feeling to find out the girl she’s been flirting with for months is best friends with the girl bullying her

gigi: god i feel so bad about that. i only stopped it once and i feel so bad

jan!: i love you but you’re a fucking idiot, gigi. you really are. go talk to her tomorrow and do better.

-

The next morning arrived faster than Crystal wanted it to. She was dreading going to school, knowing she couldn’t avoid Gigi forever. Thankfully, they did not have any classes together, but crossing paths was inevitable. The thought of seeing Gigi, even from across a crowded hallway, made her want to sob.

Her stomach started hurting because of her anxiety, but convincing her mother to let her stay home didn’t go over well. Crystal had convinced her mother at first, but as soon as she felt Crystal’s forehead to see if Crystal was running a temperature, which she wasn’t, she had insisted that Crystal stop pretending and get ready for school. She even drove Crystal to school instead of having her walk to make sure Crystal didn’t skip.

Crystal walked straight to the bathroom in the art wing. It was smaller, with only two stalls and the cell service was terrible; but it was vacant for the most part. She often stayed there when she wanted to skip class, and the only person she had ever encountered was Aiden, a shy girl from her art class. If Gigi was looking for her, this bathroom would be the last place she would look.

She had spent the morning sketching and listening to One Direction. She was in the zone, barely noticing when the door opened. Crystal didn’t bother looking up when she felt someone’s presence there, assuming that it was Aiden. “Hey, Aiden.”

“Uh,” Gigi started, “Crystal?”

Crystal’s head shot up, her eyes wide as she looked at a very relieved looking Gigi. “Oh, shit. Hey.” 

Gigi walks over to her, kneeling down to be at the same height as Crystal. “I know you’re probably upset with me, but can we talk? Please? I’ve been looking for you all period.”

Crystal nodded, moving her backpack to make a spot for Gigi to sit down. “Sorry I said what the fuck and dipped, I really didn’t know what else to do.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m going to sound like such a bitch but I didn’t even know your name until last night.” Gigi had never been good with names, only being able to remember her online friends’ names in the beginning because their name was attached to everything they did. Crystal had been known to Gigi as ‘Art Girl’ until last night.

Crystal had to laugh at that. “It’s fine. I don’t think Dahlia knows what my name is either, and I’ve lived in her mind rent free for years!”

“Speaking of her, I’m so sorry I only stopped her once. I didn’t want to get into it but I realize now that ignoring it is just as bad as joining in. Especially seeing the effects it has on you first hand, and now that I know I could’ve helped.”

Last night, Crystal gave Gigi a run down on every single color she had ever dyed her hair, and she had mentioned that she stopped dying her hair once she got into high school because she didn’t want to stick out even more, in fear of getting treated worse. It had made Gigi sad then, and knowing she could’ve changed that made her feel even worse. 

“Yeah, I don’t know how this is going to impact your real life, but no matter what I just hope you will step in next time.” 

Gigi reached over to grab Crystal’s hand and squeezed it gently. “I will never let her hurt you ever again. I care about you so much.”

They sat in silence for a few moments.

“Can I tell you something?” Crystal asked quietly, avoiding Gigi’s glance. 

“Of course. You can tell me anything.”

“I really like you. I know it’s probably weird now, since you’re not out and I’m not positive you feel the same, but I feel like I should tell you.”

Gigi smiled, placing her fingers under Crystal’s chin, lifting them up to make Crystal make eye contact with her. “I’ve been hoping you would say that.”

Crystal blushed at the contact. “Really?”

“Of course! You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met. I would be such a fool not to like you back.”

The bell rang, interrupting their moment. Gigi pulled away, pulling her phone out of her jacket pocket to check the time. “Fuck. I have a test this period.”

“It’s okay. We can talk about this later,” Crystal reassured her, standing up even though she had no intention to go to her next class, “I can send you my address and we could meet after school?”

Gigi nodded, pulling Crystal into a tight hug. “This is the most emotion I’ve ever shown at once. I thought it was going to be scary but I feel so much better. Thank you for talking to me. If I was you I don’t think I would’ve.”

“I could never not talk to you.”

-

Crystal decided she would stay in the bathroom until lunch. It was mostly out of laziness, as her Gigi related anxiety was long gone. Doing academics was the last thing she felt like doing now. 

She had plenty of entertainment, she had missed a lot on Twitter, and had two thousand new messages from the group chat, even though she was gone for less than a day.

crystal: im skipping class what’s up ladies

jan!: hi crystal!!!

jaida: girl where have you been?? my world has been so empty

nicky: wtf jaida stop acting like i don’t exist

crystal: ehh personal things happened so i was ia. i dyed my hair green last night tho!! look!!

jan!: omg you’re so pretty

jaida: HOT HOT HOT

nicky: crystal. marriage now

heidi: omg girl you look so good!! i love your leprosy print shirt

heidi: leprosy

heidi: girl how do you spell lepord

heidi: leopard

heidi: there we go

nicky: you did it!

jaida: so proud of you

She was relieved they didn’t question her further, but she couldn’t help but be curious about what their reactions would be if they knew what was going on. Talking to the girls again made time go by extremely fast, before Crystal knew it the bell rang, declaring it lunch time.

She hadn’t eaten breakfast due to her anxiety from this morning, and just realized how hungry she was. Collecting her stuff, she exited the bathroom and headed down to the cafeteria. 

When she was in line to pay for a slice of pizza and a bag of pretzels, she had caught the attention of Dahlia, who didn’t hesitate to express how she felt about her new hair. 

“Ew, who in their right mind would dye their hair green?” Dahlia loudly asked Gigi, making sure Crystal was in ear shot. 

Before Crystal could defend herself, Gigi spoke up. “Dahlia, can you please shut the fuck up? No one cares what you think about Crystal’s hair, it looks fine. I can hardly tolerate you being rude anymore.”

“Georgina, what the fuck? I’m not rude!” Dahlia whined, making Crystal smile. She had been slightly surprised that it happened so soon, but she was happy Gigi stepped in.

Crystal paid and made sure to wave at the girls on her way out. Gigi waved back, and Dahlia looked the other way, her arms crossed.

-

crystal: it’s not that i didn’t believe you but i’m shocked that actually happened..

gigi: she’s lowkey mad at me but idc

gigi: i believe you owe me ur address? 

crystal: oh that’s right!

gigi: i have cheer after school but i can come over right after

crystal: yay!!! 

The rest of the day was painfully long. Every minute felt like an hour, Crystal was even bored during her art class. She couldn’t wait to go home and talk to Gigi.

She zoned out while she was walking home, wondering what could happen tonight. Crystal would like to think that Gigi was about to kiss her before they got interrupted, or maybe she was going to ask Crystal to be her girlfriend. Anything could happen, and Crystal couldn’t really tell how she felt about it.

When she got home, she tidied up her room. Her bed was unmade, her dirty clothes were on the floor, and a couple dirty cups littered the top of her night stand. It wasn’t too bad, Crystal would usually consider this clean for her, but it made her feel slightly embarrassed now. She had the urge to fix it, even though Gigi probably wouldn’t have cared too much if Crystal left it the way it was.

After her room was clean, she still had some time to spare before Gigi would be on her way. She headed to the group chat, curious to see what chaos they were up to currently. 

nicky: ADD HER

nicky: ADDD HEEERRRRR

jaida: jan please come back i hate it here

crystal: who are we adding?

nicky: JACKIE

jan!: NO WE WILL NOT BE ADDING HER

nicky: why :(

jan!: i can’t trust you guys to not embarrass me in front of her and she is not a stan!!! she will not understand any of you!

jaida: we don’t have to embarrass you, you’ll do it yourself. we can teach jackie stan language, she’s smart and she’ll catch on

nicky: JAIDAHJKFDGLK

crystal: omg add her

jan!: i hate you all so much

nicky: PLS

jan!: fine.

jan! added Jackie

jan!: jackie, these are my friends. don’t believe anything they say about me.

Jackie: Oh, hello everyone!

nicky: YAAAS JACKIE NATION

nicky: c’mon auto caps!

crystal: hi!  

jaida: hi jackie!

heidi: i leave to play animal crossing for 15 minutes and we get a new member… smh

nicky: not just any new member! it’s jackie!!!!

jaida: the way nicky likes jackie more than jan does

heidi: that’s impossible. jan is SUCH a simp for jackie

Jackie: What? 

crystal: OMFG

Jackie: Does that mean she likes me? I’m confused.

nicky: yes!

Jackie: That’s good. I would assume that Jan likes me, especially after what we did in my car earlier.

crystal: holy fucking shit

jan!: OMFGHFJSKDSFHJDFJK UH

jan!: JACKIE SHUT UP!!!!!!

Jackie: Why?

jaida: god i love it here

gigi: janet you better tell me everything later!!!

jan!: GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!!!!!

Crystal was so invested in the train wreck going on, only focusing on the messages sent by Jan and Jackie that she didn’t notice Gigi had come online until she got a notification that Gigi sent her a private message. 

gigi: im on ur street :)

Crystal ran to the door, opening it the second she saw Gigi step onto the porch. Gigi jumped, not expecting it. “Someone’s eager to see me, huh?”

Crystal blushed, letting Gigi in. “Shut up.”

Gigi kicked off her shoes and sat her backpack down next to them before letting Crystal lead her to her room. It was colorful, lots of posters and canvases covering the hot pink walls. “This is very you. I like it!”

“Thank you!” Crystal exclaimed, taking a seat on her bed and patting the space next to her. Gigi gladly sat next to her. 

“This is just really weird. 24 hours ago, I didn’t know who you were and now you’re in my bed. It’s kind of overwhelming,” Crystal blurted out, making Gigi frown. “But not in a bad way!” She clarified, “It’s just a lot to process.”

“Oh, yeah. It is a big change. Last night, I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend, but that obviously did not happen.” Gigi blushed, grabbing a throw pillow from Crystal’s bed to hide her face in. 

Crystal took the pillow away from her, sitting it next to them, “Do you still want me to be your girlfriend?”

Gigi nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t know if we should become official yet. We know each other so well, but I feel like we need to see if we vibe in person.”

“I don’t think we will have an issue with that, but I agree. Let’s take it slow. But can I try something first?”

Gigi grinned, “Yeah, what?”

“This.” Crystal whispered, leaning forward until her lips pressed against Gigi’s. Gigi kissed her back, wrapping her arms around Crystal’s neck and pulling Crystal even closer.

[dc41896]

Valentine’s Special

Pairing: Lewis Tan x Black Reader

Warning(s): None💕

A/N: So this was supposed to come out on Valentine’s Day, but things got a little hectic so I couldn’t finish it when I wanted. However although it’s a little late, I hope you guys like it!! 😊

“I wanna be, where the people are. I wanna see, wanna see em dancing!”

“Not today you don’t girl trust me,” you speak to yourself, taking a bite of your Hershey’s bar.

Being with Lewis, you know there would be times that he’d be away filming. And while you were understanding how that was part of the job, that didn’t take away the pain of being away from him. Especially on days like today.

Although it was adorable seeing everyone with their Valentine’s Day cards and gifts, it did put you more in your feelings since you were alone. He messaged you earlier in the morning saying how much he missed and loved you, and had a beautiful bouquet of various flowers sent to the apartment, which made you smile, but it wasn’t the same as having him physically there.

So here you were, sitting on the couch watching Disney movies and eating chocolate to try to brighten your mood.

“Alright bish grab ya stuff and let’s go!!,” your best friend, Hailey, shouts coming through your front door.

“Remind me to take back my key,” you respond sitting up.

“1. Rude 2. You’re not having a pity party because you’re alone today are you?”

“No. I can’t just watch Disney movies in peace?”

“You can, but I know you and when you watch the princess movies, that means you’re in your feelings,” she answers with a smug smile as if to say “tell me I’m wrong I dare you.”

“Ok I may be a little in my feelings because Lewis isn’t here.”

“Mhmm I know.” Sitting beside you on the couch, she lightly rubs your back as she embraces you in a hug.

“It’s gonna be ok. Mr. Long, Tan, and Handsome will be back before you know it.”

“I can’t stand you,” you laugh smacking her arm as you both pulled away. Ever since they first met, they were always going back and forth with each other. It was as if they were long lost siblings with how much teasing they did.

“Alright now go and get dressed so we can go out! I’m not letting you stay in this apartment all day.”

“Fine, I’ll go,” you dramatically sigh, standing up to do as you were told.

“Ohh and do a full beat too! You might be in your feelings, but as your bestie I’m also not letting you out looking any less than the queen you are.”

“Aww thanks LeLe!”

“You’re welcome! Now hurry up because I’m starting to get hungry.”

“And you call me the rude one,” you laugh walking to your room to get ready.

———

“Y/N!!! You look so pretty in that!!!,” Hailey gushes like a proud mom sending her daughter off to prom.

Wearing a dark blue slightly asymmetrical mini skirt with a grey long sleeve top, you give a small twirl while batting your lashes.

“Yasss look at how bomb my best friend looks y’all!!,” she says while holding her phone and circling around you.

“Shh there are other people in this store!,” you whisper, laughing as you try to block the camera.

“They’ll be alright. Ohh you know what would look super cute with that?! These boots!”

Black, suede, and fitted like sock, the block heeled booties were gorgeous and would definitely go well with the outfit. That is until you saw the price.

“Um did you see the price though? These boots are $80! Put that together with this outfit I’m looking at $150.”

“Don’t worry about it, I got it taken care of.”

“Hailey if you’re thinking about stealing so help me-,”

“No! What kind of person do you think I am?,” she gasps, feigning as if she’s been offended. “My friend works here and owes me a few favors so I got all this at a good price.”

“Wait, you mean you already paid for this?!”

“And the shoes,” Hailey adds, showing off the boot as if she was on the Price is Right.

“I know you’re gonna try to say no, but I’m your friend and want to treat you to something nice, also don’t worry about my hookup she won’t get in trouble I promise.”

You still wanted to protest and tell the employee to redo everything, but then again everything was already done so there was nothing you could really do.

“Thank you Hailey, you really didn’t have to do this. I promise to pay you back,” you smile hugging her.

“I know I didn’t have to, I wanted to though! And if you try to give me money I’ll smack it out of your hand and stuff it back in your purse!,” she laughs.

“So rude and violent. Alright let me change and we can go eat, I know you’re starving.”

“Orrr...you can just wear that out the store!”

“Is that allowed?”

“Yea! Right Kasey?,” she asks turning towards the brunette behind the counter, who nods with a smile before walking over to the two of you to help take off the tags.

———

Singing to the top of your lungs as you drove through town listening to the radio, you were happy to finally have your mind off of feeling alone. And yea you still missed Lewis, but having your friend keep you company definitely took some of those sad feelings away. You still tried to check here and there to see if he updated his stories, but Hailey always managed to take your phone just as you opened the app.

“The point of today is to get you OUT of your feelings not back into it,” she’d always say before cutting your screen off and handing it back to you.

After some time, you finally arrived to your destination making you instantly turn to look at Hailey in disbelief.

“I thought the point was for me to not be in my feelings?,” you ask, arms crossed in front of you. “This is where Lewis and I went on our first date.”

“Ok first of all, we’ve known about this place way before you and fist of fury started dating so this is equally our spot as much as it is yalls. Second, I’m sorry that they have bomb milkshakes which I’m in the mood for and know you’re always down for, so let’s go.”

Sliding out of the car, you both enter the unusually empty diner. Hailey literally bouncing as she entered the booth with her menu in hand, and you missing Lewis more than ever as you reminisce on your first date and the other good times you’ve had.

“Here let me take your picture. Not only do you look super cute, but you can send it to your man to show where you went today.”

“Nooo just let me order my food please,” you groan like a toddler begging to play longer.

“Me taking your picture is not gonna affect you ordering,” she replies with a laugh. “Now c’mon smile.”

With your chin propped on your hand, you smile before taking a couple more pictures making silly faces.

“Ok so far this one is my favorite and I think you’ll love it too.”

Turning the phone towards you, you immediately feel tears threaten to fall and surely mess up your makeup. While you were smiling, over your shoulder was Lewis sitting in the booth behind you, with a finger over his lips as he winked while holding a small black box.

“Happy Valentine’s Day love!,” he smiled as you turned around to face the love of your life.

“Are you serious right now?!,” you ask, watching as he gets down on one knee.

“Yes I am, and I hope you feel the same when I ask you Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N if you don’t mind spending the rest of your life with me and be my wife?”

“Yes, of course I’ll be your wife!,” you smile as he slides the circular diamond ring on your finger before kissing you.

“Aww I’m gonna be a maid of honor!,” Hailey claps making both you and Lewis laugh.

“Wait aren’t you supposed to be filming in Canada?”

“I am, but we got a break for a couple of days so I planned this whole thing out with the help of jabber jaws over here,” he replies tilting his head towards Hailey.

“Listen you just got engaged and I’m trying to be nice jolly green giant,” she retorts making him roll his eyes.

“You were the one that bought the outfit too weren’t you? And that explains why someone said I should do a full beat.”

“Yea I gave Hailey my card info and told her to treat you to anything you wanted. Whatever store you were in, I called to make sure there were no problems with her trying to use it. Also might I add you look gorgeous as always.”

Leaning in, Lewis kisses you again pulling you closer towards him as Hailey jokingly gags, making him flick her off before pulling away.

“Well it looks like my job here is done, so I’m gonna leave you love birds to it.”

“What about your milkshake?”

“Oh I’m still gonna get it. I know you guys probably want some alone time though so I’ll see you later,” she waves as she stands up beside the booth. “Also if my future niece/nephew happens to be conceived tonight, I will gladly accept them being named after me.”

“Bye Hailey,” you and Lewis reply at the same time with a laugh.

“And thanks for helping Hailey, this couldn’t have happened without you,” he adds with a smile.

“No problem, yall are my family you know I’d do anything for you guys.” Blowing you both kisses, she grabs her Oreo milkshake before walking out the glass doors to get in her car.

“So you like your surprise?”

“I love it, which reminds me,” you start before smacking him in the arm. “How could you play with my emotions like that?!”

“Ow! I didn’t do it to be mean, it was for your surprise. I sowwy!,” pouting his lips, he gently joins his forehead with yours before continuously pecking your lips until you giggled.

“Alright in this case you’re forgiven. But try not to make a habit out of it, I don’t know if my heart can take it.”

“Anything you say Mrs. Tan,” he smiles chuckling as he places an arm around your shoulders and kisses your forehead.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @beautym3 @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @itshinothey @wildfirecracker @nina-sj

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, or only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for just let me know🤓!

[charmspoint]

Author Interview

Saw this on @prince-liest and did it cuz i needed a pick me up today, they said to tag them so there ya go I hope it’s interesting <3

Fandoms: Very much mostly BNHA, though I’m getting back in Bungou Stray Dogs and already have fics I wanna write there too. Other fandoms I dabbled in: Promised Neverland, Promare n Forest of Drizzling rain

Where I post: on AO3 at CharmPoint! ….don’t be…don’t be fooled by my tumblr name I’m just sacrificing a brand for a bad joke

Most popular one shot: The crown goes to Far too young, I think this one was just in the right time and place while Promised Neverland high was at it’s peak. It’s the only one shot I have that broke 100 kudos so I’m p proud of it.

Most popular multichapter fic: ….it’s…it’s Ignite me, god I wish it wasn’t but it is. I’m not gonna link it cuz I honestly don’t want ppl to read more of it. Like there’s nothing especially bad about it….aside from the writing. The writing is just down right awful, I wrote this two years ago with a coauthor (hi Tati) and it went on a hiatus and then I went to reread it to remind myself how to continue and aaaaa I couldn’t get through chapter 3 it was SO BAD. The reason is that we adapted it from a rp and…we did so pretty badly. I really don’t like it but I don’t wanna delete it cuz 1. It’s not only mine 2. A lot of people seemed to really really like it…somehow, they are so strong. My ultimate mission is to one day rewrite this fic and make a good Ignite me, one day…

Favorite story written so far: That would definitely be Call of the Wild (at least of ones posted rn, Red String of Death just might overtake it). I think this was the first time I reread one of my own fics and felt genuine pride. Like complete unabashed pride. I kept going :0 I did that, her mind!! Especially the first chapter, which is one I use for all my zine apps lmao. I think I got the atmosphere just right, I think I got the foreshadowing just right, I really like what I did with silence vs dialog through the story. I’m just so proud of it. I’ll probably never write anything for Kiribaku again but if I gave them one fic, I’m glad it was Call of the Wild.

Fic I was nervous to post: That would be The suffocating quality of your dying breaths (And the effect they had on me). I really liked this fic, I really vibed with it and I had a lot of fun writing it but I was afraid that what I was trying to say wouldn’t come across right. It’s a fic about suicidal tendencies not from the perspective of the person having them but the person closest to their side…that kinda hates their guts. I’m not sure how well I managed to get it across the 3 chapters it has, but it’s supposed to be about realizing your boundaries and that sometimes you just aren’t a person for the job and that sometimes you really shouldn’t torture yourself over what you can’t do and just do what you can instead. Some things require professional help and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being able to offer that kind of help. I was just afraid that ‘you have limits to what you can do to help’ would be misinterpreted as ‘so you think you should just not help suicidal people huh??’ I received a positive reception for it so if nothing else it went over well with some people!

Do you outline?: I just learned to properly outline this year ;;; I used to just go with the flow and that…ended up pretty bad. But now I found an outlining style that suits me and it helped a lot to make my writing better!!

Complete: 15! Most of them oneshots and staggering 9 from this year alone. I had a very bad creative drought for such a long time but now I’m back n yall there’s no stopping me

In progress: If we go by what’s not posted yet rn I’m working on 7 fics in various stages of done. I also have two more fics in WIP folder but they are waiting till I have time n motivation to write them. Also my notes are overflowing with future story ideas hbjbhj there’s a LOT.

Coming soon: Drumroll, three big bang fics (DabiHawks, ShinKami n TodoBaku) , one secret santa fic (it’s a surprise ;3c) and eventually three zine fics (>;3c) . Ya girl is head deep in events rn jjknjk HELP (jk I actually have them all under control believe it or not). These events played a large part in getting my motivation ball rolling again so I’m pumped to be a part of them, though also looking forward to more none event works after this.

Do I accept prompts?: Sure, if I’m vibing with the idea n have the free time (which I don’t ever;;;)

Upcoming works I’m most excited for: Red String of Death, my upcoming DabiHawks big bang fic! Honestly I’ve had a wild ride with this one, a real roller-coaster. I was really excited by the idea, then I was afraid it was boring actually, then I got a great beta who encouraged me a lot and provided a lot of valuable feedback and now im PUMPED again, I think it’s p good if I do say so myself and I’m super excited to see how people feel about it. It’s not the happiest story I’d say, it follows in the footsteps of Call of the Wild by having a sorta bittersweet ending and in being like a fic that’s about a commonly used sort of magic trope (werewolves vs reincarnation n soulmates) being given a little twist that makes it oh so painful. Anyway if it’s spiritual successor to Call of the Wild then you know my hype is real, I just hope others like it as much!

Tagging: Uhhh do it if you want to its late and im lazy to tag!!!

[kawaiijellymonster]

So I’ve got a note in my notes app called “Fanfic lines that should be in a hall of fame” and it’s gotten pretty long so I figure I’ll toss it on here so yall can enjoy it, most of them are: mha, zukka, miraculous ladybug, harry potter, and I think one is from a comment on a hannibal amv, But here you go:

Stain sold papers because he just had an aura about him that drew people in, like people who slow down to look at car crashes.

“The Rumor Come Out: Does Todoroki Shoto is Gay?”

Izuku spent the next week going to his normal martial arts classes, studying, and drinking gallons of coffee. Not healthy but he could deal with it. His body was never meant to be permanent.

So no one was watching when Mei placed her forehead against his, breath fanning across his face as she spoke. "Wake up Loki… the world needs you."

“No probs ‘lil listener!” Hizashi said, striking a dramatic pose. “I’ll be your DJ all through the night, bringin’ you such rockin’ hits as safety, security and sweet dreams!”

“This is stupid! Screw the waiting and screw these stupid butterflies. They're not paying rent, the little shits--”

Experimenting with unstable genetic mutant abominations is more of an art than a science, really."

Several looks pass across both their faces. “No flying for a month,” Sirius declares. That sucks, actually. But he’s also a hundred percent certain he can get them to cave on that in two weeks tops. “Okay. Is that for the breaking into the Ministry, destroying the Department of Mysteries, making a bargain with Voldemort, or bringing all my friends with me?” “It’s for recklessly endangering your own life again,” Remus says, “and while the punishment very much doesn’t fit the crime, we’re a bit at a loss for what else to do.” “It wasn’t reckless!” he protests. “We had a plan and everything, and we even brought an adult! An adult Order member! Also what else were we supposed to do, let Snape die?” Sirius takes a deep breath, but Remus steps on his foot before he can put it in his mouth. “Which is why you’re only getting flying privileges taken away and not thrown in a cell in Azkaban for our sanity and your safety.” As if any cell could hold him. “I accept your terms.”

“Who’s Theophania?” Sirius asks. Harry hesitates. Perhaps bringing her up was his smartest decision, strategically speaking. “If I tell you you’re not allowed to throw me in Azkaban. Or ground me.” “This isn’t a negotiation,” Sirius repeats. If Blaise has taught him anything, it’s that everything is a negotiation. “She’s a friend.” “And?” Sirius repeats. Remus suddenly grabs onto Sirius’s shoulder, “Wait. Petrifying - during your second year - is Theophania - she’s not the basilisk.” “No, they killed it,” Sirius says automatically. Harry remains silent. “Harry!” He rubs his nose. “It turns out I’m not that good at killing things. Unkilling things, however? My specialty.”

“It’s okay,” Nanaia says, “you don’t know. What do you do when you don’t know something?” “Try something you do know and hope it doesn’t make everything worse?” For some reason, Horace looks sad at that answer, and Dumbledore shifts from one foot to the other. “No,” she says, “you ask for help.” Oh.

“It’ll piss off your son,” he answers bluntly. “Fuck that kid,” Riddle Sr. says

“You played me!” “Like a cheap kazoo”

Batman sighed, before speaking in a voice that was so unlike his usual growl that most of the other League members almost fell out of their chairs. Diana and Clark seemed to be used to it. “Damian,” he started. His voice was still deep, but a regular-deep, instead of I-just-swallowed-six-buckets-of-gravel deep.

“She loved James too,” she assures, and the confidence she says that with allows him to breathe, like someone has let go of his lungs. “It is possible to love more than one person at the same time. She loved your father with the type of love that’s – that was like a shooting star, burning and bright and touching everyone around them. Her love for Severus was different, and in the end it wasn’t the type of love either of them could handle.”

You’re better at it now then many people are after leaving a full apprenticeship, and you’ve only had a year of lessons a couple of times a week instead of years of intensive study. Do you know why that is?” “Luck?” he offers weakly. For some reason, he doesn’t like the direction this is going in. “No,” she says. “To be good at healing, the way you are, the way I am, you need a certain combination of things. Intelligence, power, control, but more than that. Stubbornness, a tricky balance of flexibility and inflexibility, and a constant, brutal assessment over your own skills. And something else.” “A propensity towards poor life choices?” he suggests. Poppy shakes her head, not taking the bait. “No. You have to care. You have to care about everyone, even people you dislike, and you have to care so much that if feels like it’s killing you, you have to care and that care has to hurt, until the only thing that hurts worse than caring is not caring. To be good at this, you have to let it hurt you.”

“You two shouldn’t have bothered dressing formally for Albus, he’s a bitch.” Harry doesn’t have any idea what’s going on, but he’s loving it.  

“It was on the syllabus,” Zuko whispered conspiratorially to his mother. Sokka gasped. “You know I don’t read those!” “This is your own fault then.” “I like to be surprised. The procrastination keeps me humble.”

sometimes you remind me of the stars youre gorgeous and happy and can always brighten me on the darkest days and even when youre dampened you can guide me home

“imagine you are the only person who loves to play chess more than anything but nobody else in the world has ever heard about chess. and then you see a person holding a chessboard. it’s like your whole world was reborn”

"I wanted to be a stripper in middle school," Izuku said. Yup, that's a good cover.

What you’re asking for isn’t fair or right. You can’t ask a person for more than they’re willing to give

In Mei’s words, “You have about five minutes of ‘fuck that one thing in particular.’ Make them count.”

“Mei, let me introduce your new best friend. This is Momo. She has a Quirk that lets her make anything as long as she knows its composition inside and out. All you have to do is buy her dinner,“ Izuku said,

The cameras were looped. The bots were hacked. It was a good day to be a villain.

“None. The alarm never left the building.” “Really? Why is that?” “Mei finished first and decided to do you a favor. However, you've got the fire alarm just starting to go off and that's on a different circuit. Take a fast way down.” “Understood,” Hitoshi drawled. A moment later he was looking back at the crew. “Ladies and Frenchman. We take the express.”

Quinn is talking like that actually answers his question when it really, really doesn’t. “If you don’t start making sense, I’ll cry.”

“You’re one of my best students,” ze says. “You should understand the importance of timing. Speaking of, you’re late for your next class.”

Fuck, he totally is. “Thank you for that very confusing answer. I’ll think of you while crying myself to sleep.”

He’d wondered if that was what bravery was, to be quiet even when you were hurting so much you wanted to scream.

maybe bravery was also running screaming at the thing that nearly killed you, to keep it from killing someone else.

“Apologies are not difficult. Good apologies revolve around three basic points. One, I acknowledge what I did was wrong. Two, I regret that you were harmed. Three, this is how I plan to make sure it does not happen again. That’s all. Apologies are easy.” Then she’d glanced at them all again, evaluating. “And if you become very, very good at your job... they will be the absolute hardest thing you ever do.”

“Even though we’re a bunch of migraine-inducing hellions who are smart enough to know when something is a bad idea and stupid enough to still do it?”

“You’re like the nice china that Al only brings out for Christmas. Except Bruce just realised that I stole it, and chipped it. Maybe it’s time I give it back before I shatter all the pieces.”

she won’t co-parent my perfectly reasonable and well-behaved children.” Clark snorts. “Damian’s trying to stab Tim, right now.”

"Oh, my knight in shining armour. What would I do without you?" the teen droned, placing a dramatic hand on her head. 

"I think you mean 'knight in shining leather', M'Lady. And without me, you would be left alone in this kingdom of lies.”

"It's a kingdom, alright. It'll topple sooner or later." "That's the spirit!" Adrien laughed.

Here’s something that a harbinger of tragedy would never find the courage to admit: there are moments in between the bitter self-hatred and the visceral, tangible consequences of your sins in which you almost think you’re worthy of forgiveness; of second chances; of a life beyond your greatest regrets. It’s a unique brand of pain,

“Go directly to horny jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.”

“You can’t wait around for him to be sorry,” Izuku says. He’s quiet now. This isn’t something that’s meant to be shouted. “Maybe he’ll never be sorry. Maybe he doesn’t know he did anything wrong, or he doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter.” Cautiously he takes a step forward. “You can’t depend on the people who hurt you to be the ones to make it better, or it’s never going to get better. They’ll only disappoint you, or hurt you even worse, and then they’ll be gone and you’ll be waiting forever.”

Midoriya may be strong as hell, but that just means looking out for him has to be a team effort.

How would his new adoring fans react if they knew he raised a villain? He's no All-Might. His pillar's made of toothpicks, and it's not gonna take much to crack it.”

Tensei approaches Rei, “Okay, this plan is childish, unprofessional, and a discourtesy to this school's reputation. That being said, when do we nail the little twat?

Hinata is dead. Deceased. Passed away, laid to rest with a headstone that reads Here Lies Hinata Shouyou, Killed By A Wink And A Blown Kiss.

It’s dangerous to be a bad father when you have life insurance

[spoonie-swiftie]

Having a really hard time lately, I’m so stressed and dealing with so much health stuff and I have almost no money because SSI is a joke and I can’t work because I’m too sick. I cleaned my room for almost 5 hours yesterday and today I’m stuck in bed. I really try not to compare myself to others, comparison is the thief of joy and all, but it’s so hard to see people who I love who are “popular” and have been chosen for secret sessions or loft ‘89 or rep room be the only ones who ever get a chance to interact with @taylorswift.

I feel like such a bitch and like such a whiner and like I don’t deserve anything because I technically have I technically have a follow but I’ve never once been noticed on anything. And I’ve technically met Taylor 10 years ago for actually less than 30 seconds but I wasn’t even able to explain to her how much her music has done for me and I’m in a point of my life where I’ve been full blown disables for 9 years and she has truly helped me through my worst times, and times I’ve never wanted to give up and throw in the towel more.

She’s gotten me through countless hospital stays and procedures and surgeries and trauma and night of pain or nausea filled insomnia.She’s gotten me through watching my hopes and dreams dissolve into thin air and being too sick and depressed to come up with new dreams.

She’s helped me stay (stay stay 😋) on this earth when I was being gaslit and going from dr to dr being told everything from “you’re doing this to yourself” (yeah cause that’s totally how genetics diseases work), to “you’re too complex of a case, I can’t take you”, so I had to drive to drs actually truly say that “you can’t be in that much pain, you’re exaggerating” and “your ____ joint can’t be dislocating or subluxating (a partial dislocation) in your sleep or walking around, it’s just not possible, see?”-proceeds to actually try to pull my hips out of the sockets.

She’s gotten me through moving from Illinois to Nashville TN because I know if I was to stay then I would most likely have died.

She’s gotten me through eating disorder and self harm treatment recovery and has kept me alive for years by always having something fun and exciting to look forward to and want to stay on the earth to see/hear it.

I’ve been trying so hard and working my ass off for 13 years to be able to tell her how grateful I am for her and it just hurts and sucks that even though I’ve done the same things that SS/M&G people have done but because I’m invisible nobody notices or cares that I exist so of course neither does Taylor. I know the chances of her saying my name excitedly and giving me a huge hug like I’ve seen so many times from my friends or getting a reply, reblog, or even just a like so I can see she read it are slim to none at this point cause I’m just an invisible nobody that very few people know or care about (especially the most popular ones) so it’s not like I ever get the help (totally not their fault that I’m so forgettable, ugly, and invisible! I love most of them!!!)I just wish things were different. And I’m tired of the universe shitting on my head constantly and not having enough reach or enough friends with reach to help me through this hard time since I’m really hurting for money and when it rains it pours... if anyone is even reading this, thank you, and please consider reblogging. I can’t be the only one feeling this way and as much as I H A T E asking for help, I have no choice in this matter anymore. Shit has hit the fan in my house and I need help. I know we’re all going through shit right now but I don’t know who else to ask. I need to get a gofundme started ASAP. Like I said, As much as I hate hate hate asking for help, especially monetary help, I have to do something. One of the issues is I can’t write well at all so I don’t know what to say to attract people to donate. So for now all I have are my Venmo, cash app, and PayPal that I can link. But here’s just a snippet of what we’re going through and why I’m asking for money. We just found out that our water heater is not only broken and needs to be completely replaced but the whole closet it’s in is full of mold (which is NOT GOOD for someone on oxygen with an immunocompromised body and lots of medical equipment attached to me 24/7) on the walls the floor everything is going to need to get torn out and replaced and I have no idea what it’s doing health wise to me when demo starts since I share a wall with it. My family can barely afford this EVER let alone this time of year. On top of that I think my “service dog in training” Flynn has an eye infection so I’m gonna have to take him to the vet which I can’t afford AND my car needs an oil change and I don’t have the money for that either and I still need to find a trainer for Flynn so we can start the process of becoming a team where I can reply on him. On tops of all that, I still need money for gas to go to the doctor all the time, medication co pays, over the counter meds, pedialyte for when I’m running feeds, dog food and training treats, and stuff to distract me from the massive amounts of pain which used to be semi useful like watercolor or planning but since I can’t even sit at my desk anymore it mostly consists of choosing between Netflix, Hulu (free), amazon prime and now Disney+. Flynn is officially over a year old and I’ve never taken him to a trainer because I haven’t gotten the money to do so. I’m so overwhelmed and broke and I’m terrified to even apply for rover or something like that to make some extra money because if social security finds out I could lose everything (which is only less than $200 a month that I’m supposed to survive off of. I’m really sorry for this long post about me whining about being invisible and Taylor never noticing and now asking for money. Y’all are gonna hate me. I know you all have so much going on and if you can’t help it’s okay I’ll figure something out. And if I end up on an anonymous hate account, I truly don’t care anymore, I just needed to get this out there and figured I’d owe it to Yall to at least let you swiftie fam know what’s going on ♥️

If you read all that, you’re the real mvp and thank you.

Love love love,

Mandie

[malafight]

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell

[sawyersick]

1 through 69 because you gotta twin with me

OMG ASDFGHJKL

aight here goes bitchez

1. are you religious?

nahh but my parents sent me to church camp when I was in elementary school??? For the cheap childcare I guess???

2. what animal do you think you’re most like?

I haven’t thought about this much but I think a field mouse!!

3. how do you take your coffee?

never……………………… I hate coffee

4. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

my mom’s bosses son forced himself on me when we were 6 lol so I don’t count that……….. so 15 i guess (according to my friend, if there’s no hormones it doesn’t count lol)

5. museum date or aquarium date?

AQUARIUM AQUARIUM AQUARIUM

6. do you have any tattoos or piercings? do you want more?

Just my ears are pierced and I have a whale (badly) tattooed on my hip I’ll post pix if you want but its pretty uggo

I want another whale on the other side so I’ll be symmetrical and a triangle hand tat….. maybe an eyeball tat (a tattoo of an eyeball…. not one on my eye lol)? I’m not really interested in anymore piercings tho

7. favorite fruits?

strawberries!!!

8. favorite vegetables?

when I was 12 I ate so many carrots my skin turned orange and my mom thought I had jaundice

also I heckin love mushrooms

9. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if you treat me with respect :(

10. do you cry a lot?

yeah lol at least twice a month minimum

11. who are your closest friends?

I don’t really have any? I’ve felt distant from my irl friends lately so idk probably just demo

12. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

I did the walk out for gun violence

13. do you play any video games?

helllllls yeah but I usually only play 3/ds

14. did you ever have an emo or scene phase?

yes and I think I’m still in it rip

15. what color is most of your wardrobe?

I think I wear a lot of blue! and black and white too i guess…… I’m trying to add more reds tho

16. what do you like to do for fun?

I bake and sew and draw! and listen to music

17. what is your biggest fear?

body horror tw for this one rip

being abandoned, being forced to do horrifically gross/unclean stuff, getting my eyes gouged out, getting the bones in my hands broken, getting acid poured on my face, the people around me dying, being forced to eat live slugs, getting my skin peeled off with a knife

18. name a subject you know a lot about.

whales/the ocean in general and baking!! and the band Liily

19. favorite fictional characters?

hm idk? Link and Zelda from LoZ, Clover and Snake and Aoi from 999, rhyme from TWEWY, Maka and Soul from Soul Eater, Storm from the Xmen, Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Chun Li, the Kagamines, Rilakkuma

idk I just thought about characters I have merch for

20. do you read a lot? what are your favorite books?

I used to??? Haven’t had the time for it in a while though and I’ve been reading a lot of how-to books as of late….. I really liked the Legend trilogy though

21. how would you describe your style?

art style and fashion style would both be classified as “cute but tries to be edgy” I think

22. did you have a favorite stuffed animal when you were little? do you still own it?

Yes!! a pastel elephant with a rattle in it named Elephant (very creative I know) He’s in my stuff somewhere now and this question reminded me to go find him again

23. what’s something most people love that you hate?

hmmm…. sports? mustard? airpods???? idk

24. do you think you’re a good singer?

actually yes? I wanna be in a band but I’m lowkey afraid of singing in front of people I know but have no problem doing it in front of an audience of strangers hmu if you’re in the SF bay area I’ve written 6 punk songs

25. who do you live with?

my parents and cat

26. favorite desserts?

ice cream, anything with chocolate or whipped cream, creme brulee, lemon tarts

I’m not too picky though lol

27. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

realizing that I can actually do mostly whatever I want and most things have fewer consequences than I think

also cutting people out of my life that emotionally exhaust me

28. favorite makeup brands?

uhhhh whatever’s cheap and doesn’t make my eyes burn ig urban decay is good when I can afford it

29. favorite clothing stores/brands?

Goodwill??? I used to shop at f21 but I try not to anymore

30. what was your first job?

working at a lake teaching windsurfing and sailing and I still work there

31. do you take a lot of naps?

n o  I absolutely  h a t e  taking naps and try to avoid them

32. what is your favorite part about your body?

hmm I have pretty good hair i think and sometimes my eyes? I have huge (genetic) eyebags tho which gets me down

33. are you more dominant or more submissive?

In day to day life I guess I’m more dominant??? like I make decisions when nobody else wants to :0 also idk intimately since iM aN aDuLt vIrGiN and pretty sex repulsed but probably sub 

34. are you more outgoing or more shy?

outgoing but sometimes it makes me annoying

35. how tall are you?

short…………………………. 4′8/143 cm

36. what is your body type?

uhh hourglass????? maybe pear I got them Thunder Thighs according to the guy who got kicked out of drama club for peeping in the girls changing room

37. favorite flower?

calendula, sunflowers, lavender and dianthus!!

38. favorite planet?

Neptune??????????????????

39. what do you want to dress up as for halloween this year?

I wanna be the bride of frankentstein but in a shiro lolita coordinate to make her look ~fancy~ or the Nancy part of Sid and Nancy if I’m in a relationship by that time

40. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Ideally the same age and I’m wary of dating anyone more than 2 years younger or older than me but I’m more willing to date older than younger

41. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

yall know who it is already but

in a band, dark hair, kinda tall, very fashionable, coincidentally happens to be the same racial mix as me, good at art, very humble, really sweet, lives in SoCal, has a hand tattoo of milk and “aye yah” on his arm, paints his nails orange, wears a lot of rings, gets freckles in the summer, prefers vanilla over chocolate, ties his shoes the cool way

42. who is your biggest inspiration?

idk at the moment? I like to draw from many inspirations

43. do you have any kinks?

???????????????????????????????????

44. do you own any pets?

one (1) very loving cat

45. which celebrity do people say you look the most like?

……………………….. myself

I literally had to google mixed race celebrities and STILL none look like me lol

46. do you like sports?

not really except I weirdly like baseball

47. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Yes!! I won tickets to On Your Feet and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory

I also won Hamilton tickets but saw it in SF yall should download the app

48. what is your favorite kind of food?

noodles!!

49. would you rather be a fairy or a mermaid?

MERMAID actually I have a mermaid tail too so

50. what is your instagram?

@wishwhale :)

51. glossy lips or matte lips?

glossy by default because I have chronically dry skin/lips so matte lips are sooooooooooooooo uncomfy but it looks good on other people lol

52. do you like cherry, grape, blue raspberry, watermelon, or green apple jolly ranchers the best?

grape because im weird

53. what are your best personality traits?

I’d like to think that I’m kind and sometimes funny

54. what is your ethnicity?

asian/white

55. what different hair colors have you had?

brown and brown with pink that was supposed to be purple

56. favorite disney princess?

Ariel! bc mermaid

57. favorite album of 2017?

Humanz by Gorillaz  or Deep Dream by Daddy Issues I guess

I was weirdly obsessed with Feel Your Feelings Fool when it came out but I’m not really into it anymore though

58. have you ever had braces?

nah

59. favorite holiday?

Halloween! Because dressing up is fun

60. post a selfie.

how do I make this smaller anyways I don’t normally wear this much makeup but I’m going to a small show tonight

61. are you a good swimmer?

Yes!! I swim once a week at my local pool

62. do you wear jewelry?

I used to wear a lot………. like multiple necklaces and bracelets and rings daily but now I wear my ring every day and a necklace/earrings if I remember

63. can you play any instruments?

I’m learning guitar!!

64. do you have any siblings?

short answer is no but you can dm me for the long answer

65. are your grandparents still alive? how old are they?

just my maternal grandmother and she is almost 90! My paternal grandmother lived to 102 so I’m hoping for those good genes though (I think she would have lived longer because my family suspects elder abuse by my weird aunt)

66. who knows the most about you?

hmm probably Demo or Emily

67. are you a more quiet person or do you talk a lot?

I! Never! Shut! Up!

68. what advice would you give to your 13 year old self?

shut the fuck up you stupid bitch you arent cool

69. how many pillows do you sleep on?

two