#and i have not seen anybody really doing either of those things

[granny-griffin]

1. There are a lot of people who think they're the only one who would speak up. Imagine what would happen if everyone who thought they were the only one... Spoke. But even if you do think you're alone... Why is antiracism not worth standing alone for?

I mean I think it is, and I’ve done it (or tried to). But I do tend to second guess my interpretation of a situation a lot more if I haven’t seen anybody else say something—maybe people sometimes aren’t sure if what they’re looking at is racist or not, and then decide not to do anything with that uncertainty because it would require thought.

2. There is a difference between feeding the trolls and speaking up when something wrong is happening. Do you feel people are more comfortable assuming the former so that they don't have to interact via the latter?

I think people are taught that the latter only exists in real life, and that if you try to do it in fandom you’re just yucking someone’s yum. People who do the second one generally receive the same kind of pushback as people who do the first one (even though they don’t deserve it).

3. Why do we think that bigotry will go away if it goes unaddressed? Is that how you also feel about bigotry that you experience via your other identities?

Because trolls go away when you don’t pay attention to them. But like you already said in question #2, those situations aren’t the same. People are drawing a false equivalence between the two. And as far as bigotry I experience in fandom—I think I just assume that it will be there and not go away no matter what, and I’m pleasantly surprised when that’s not the case. But that’s not really the point of this.

4. Why should we entertain and prioritize the annoyance of bigots? Why do you not deserve to be here and have a safe, comfortable space any more than they do?

I want to annoy bigots XD I love the excuse. Honestly not sure why more people don’t feel this way on tumblr, the website that’s all about being as annoying as you please.

At the same time, I want the annoyance to come because I’m giving them a message they don’t want to hear, not because I’m also being a jerk about it. Maybe it’s weird, but I care about bigots because they’re people, and their bigotry hurts them too, and I want them to listen to me long enough that they hear what I have to say and change what they’re doing. But even that isn’t a reason to try to keep from offending them—coddling somebody in their bigotry isn’t kind either.

I do think that people often don’t want to offend bigots who are good at creating fanworks, because they look up to them as a creative and/or don’t want to drive their skill away from the fandom. Yeah—the better you are at fanworks, the more you can get away with.

The second question is hitting me really strangely—yes, I think everybody deserves to have a comfortable space, and I want to defend that for others. I don’t know if I care to defend it for myself.

5. What do we plan on doing when Black fans lose their patience due to disillusionment? Are we okay with the outcome of that, of choosing... Well, being racist but safe? (Be honest with yourself!) Would we rather Black fans just accept that it's easier to assume everyone is antiblack, the same way it's easier not to speak up against it as a social norm? If we want to show that there is still a welcome for Black fans, that we are safe, why don't we act to show that?

I mean I plan to listen to them, even if I don’t like the way they’re presenting their frustrations—if somebody’s mad at me for something that I really did (or sat by and failed to stop) then it’s so not my job to critique their attitude.

I don’t think I’m okay with the outcome—that’s why I’ve spoke out in the past—but the parenthetical is psyching me out. Maybe I do ignore things out of fear! I’ll have to keep introspecting.

I don’t want Black fans to assume everyone is against them, and I don’t think other people want that either—but I think fixing the situation requires people to be proactive. I think a lot of people think that just not being antiblack is enough, and then don’t think about it any harder. And so nothing happens, because instead of looking to do something right, people are only trying not to do something wrong.

6. If everyone only hangs around people who aren't antiblack, why is the space still so overwhelmingly antiblack? Have you considered that you cannot adequately judge from within?

YES 100%!! I don’t think we can accurately judge from within! This is one of my biggest struggles—it goes back to my answer to #1. I want to speak out against racism, but even though I’m trying to educate myself so that I can spot it, sometimes I’m really not sure. And calling somebody racist feels like a really big accusation—if it lands publicly in the right way it could get somebody blocked by all their friends. I wouldn’t want to do it to mistakenly. So I’ve been trying to watch and see when Black people call out racism so that I can amplify/support what they’re already saying.

But maybe we need also to have a less all or nothing approach? If we aren’t sure if someone is being racist, we could start a more private conversation to tell them about our concerns, and see if their response sheds any light on the situation. Sometimes I ask people leading questions about their thought process when making something instead of just telling them to quit being racist.

Inevitably, no matter what I do, I worry that I’m not using the right level of forcefulness. But I guess sitting here and angsting about the appropriateness of my approach is still better than doing nothing.

7. No one really answered my "what is the boundary" question at all. What I should have asked is, are you willing to recognize that you have a willing tolerance for antiblackness? That there is a certain amount that you are okay with allowing before thinking it's worth speaking up?

Yes, and I think it’s tied to my struggle to judge situations. There’s a certain threshold of racism under which I can’t identify it with enough accuracy to feel comfortable making a callout. But again—maybe “public callout” and “do nothing” are not the only two possible responses.

Okay so after sitting on the responses from yesterday's question, I have some follow up questions to what seemed to be some consistent... Themes in the answers.

Like yesterday, I am asking with intent to listen (and maybe ask more questions) so I will not be arguing- at best, you'll get a "hm" to acknowledge i saw what you said.

My follow up questions:

1. There are a lot of people who think they're the only one who would speak up. Imagine what would happen if everyone who thought they were the only one... Spoke. But even if you do think you're alone... Why is antiracism not worth standing alone for?

2. There is a difference between feeding the trolls and speaking up when something wrong is happening. Do you feel people are more comfortable assuming the former so that they don't have to interact via the latter?

3. Why do we think that bigotry will go away if it goes unaddressed? Is that how you also feel about bigotry that you experience via your other identities?

4. Why should we entertain and prioritize the annoyance of bigots? Why do you not deserve to be here and have a safe, comfortable space any more than they do?

5. What do we plan on doing when Black fans lose their patience due to disillusionment? Are we okay with the outcome of that, of choosing... Well, being racist but safe? (Be honest with yourself!) Would we rather Black fans just accept that it's easier to assume everyone is antiblack, the same way it's easier not to speak up against it as a social norm? If we want to show that there is still a welcome for Black fans, that we are safe, why don't we act to show that?

6. If everyone only hangs around people who aren't antiblack, why is the space still so overwhelmingly antiblack? Have you considered that you cannot adequately judge from within?

7. No one really answered my "what is the boundary" question at all. What I should have asked is, are you willing to recognize that you have a willing tolerance for antiblackness? That there is a certain amount that you are okay with allowing before thinking it's worth speaking up?

*I also want to note that I'm not directing this to Black fans. I know that the context changes when you have to fight. I'm asking the people who have the privilege of fighting antiblackness while not having the identity. I.e. some marginal power in the area.

[theoutlawfaleena]

would like to take this chance to say i love all versions of könig. i just love him. u write him shy and quiet and sweet??? wow i'm in love with him. u write him feral, loud and brash? omg. wow. i am in love with him. do whatever u want with könig's character bc at the end of the day we do not know shit about him and u can write him whichever way u like. as long as u are not hurting anyone, his character can be whichever u enjoy

[arcaneauthor]

Skz reacting to you kissing them in front of the other members

Warnings: um some kissing ig? Nothing else really

Tags: established relationships, kissing, so much fluff, seungmin being a little menace like always, I think that’s it

A/n: have this while you wait for my long hyunjin one shot! Also I just started writing skz and don’t fully know how to write their personalities yet so pls be kind🙏

────୨ৎ────

Chan:

I kinda feel like this would be a normal thing for y’all?

Like you would frequently come by the studio while skz is recording to visit him

And you’d always end up giving him a little hello and goodbye kiss

It was always just a peck but you’d think you two were full on groping each other by the way the members start gagging and groaning

They honestly should be used to it by now but they just can’t help but tease their dad leader

Mainly seungmin

“Ew you like kissing old men?”

But Chan’s used to it by now and just rolls his eyes and focuses back on his work

But he can’t hide the smile on his face

He kinda likes when the members tease him, it really makes them feel like family

Minho:

Would definitely turn it into a spectacle

Ik he doesn’t normally like skin ship from the other member that much so many people think he wouldn’t like pda from the reader but I think it’d be quite the opposite

Like I feel like he’d be the type that would grab you and pull you in closer when you try to just give him a peck in the dorm

Like we’re talking turning it into a full on make out session

And he’s fully aware the members are there, that’s partly why he does it

He thinks it’s kinda funny to get a reaction out of them

I feel like there’d be a mix array of both groaning an wolf whistling from the others

Either way he’d just throw a middle finger to the members over his shoulder as he smirks into the kiss

Changbin:

I actually kinda feel like changbin would be a little embarrassed

Like at first he’d kinda forget the other members are there and kinda get into it

And then when he’d hear the reaction from the members he’d pull away with a little blush on his cheeks

Would have that cute little embarrassed smile that he does as he lowers his head a little as he murmurs a “shut up” to the members

(If you’re a stay I feel like you definitely know which smile I’m talking about)

Would totally never admit to anybody that he was blushing

Like the other members maybe Chan would tease him like “aw binnies embarrassed”

And changbin being his loud self would be like “HUH? YOU THINK ID GET EMBARRASSED OVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS?”

Like my mind immediately went to that men in colorful pants vlive he did with Chan and Han when he was yelling at chan for calling him out on rapping his line too fast and he was like “YOU THINK I RAPPED FAST CAUSE I WAS NERVOUS?” Lol

Just imagine him saying it like that if you’ve seen that live

Jisung:

This man would be SHOOK

Like I’m talking about pulling away like he’s been BURNED

Quokka cheeks are flaming red

Why do I almost feel like this man would let out a surprised yelp as if you’ve just attacked him lmao

Looks between you and the members with wide eyes like “did that really just happen?”

unlike with the others I feel like the members wouldn’t make teasing comments towards you guys

They’d just be on the floor ROLLING at Han for getting so flustered

And even though you were the cause of it he’d still hide his face behind you to escape his embarrassment

Hyunjin:

Feel like he wouldn’t get too into the kiss knowing the others are there

But also would definitely lean into you a bit

For some reason I just feel like hyunjin would be an amazing kisser

I mean have you seen those luscious lips??

Anyways that’s a story for another fic lol I’m getting distracted

like Chan I’d feel like he’d get his sassy eye roll going on when the members made a comment

With how much it seems that hyunjin and seungmin play around with each other seungmin would definitely tease the shit out of him

And hyunjin would give him that signature bombastic side eye

I feel like seungmin would keep it going to the point of hyunjin just eventually standing up to literally pounce on him

Seungmin would just be laughing like a maniac the whole time

Felix:

I actually feel like Felix wouldn’t be as embarrassed as you’d think

Like Ik he’s a smol bean but down deep I feel like Felix is actually pretty confident

Not in a cocky way but like he’s sure of himself yk?

Like I feel like he’d just smile into it

Turns it into a bit of a longer but still soft and sweet kiss

Just completely ignoring the noises from the members in the background

Like I think he’d just be in his own little world with you

After y’all pull away he just pulls you to sit facing forward on his lap and hugs you from behind

Has THE brightest smile on his face as he does it

Seungmin:

I kinda feel like seungmin wouldn’t like you giving him pda

Not like to the point of getting angry or anything

But I kinda feel like he’d pull an “ew” face lol

(And I don’t mean this as being bad or anything, I myself don’t really love pda so I get it lol)

But you probably do it to just playfully annoy him

Which is why you’d probably be giggling with the members at him

“I hate you guys” but he’d say it with a smile on his face so you knew he wasn’t actually upset about it

He’d probably give you a long kiss later in his room to make up for it

Jeongin:

He wouldn’t go as far as to immediately yank away like jisung

But he’d definitely be a shy baby

Ik he looks all grown up and stuff these days but I feel like little baby bread is still under there somewhere lol

Like his eyes would widen mid kiss when he really processes that you’re kissing him in front of everyone

The members wouldn’t so much as tease him like with the others as they would moan and groan about seeing their little maknae doing “adult stuff” lol

Poor thing would definitely turn red, covering his face with his hands as he sunk down

Would honestly be wishing the couch would just swallow him up

Probably wouldn’t make eye contact with you for the rest of the night because he’d just start immediately blushing lol

Also would probably keep his distance cause anytime your hands so much as touched the members would tease him about y’all making sure you weren’t “moving too fast”

End notes: well I officially finished this at 5am lmao. Guess I better head to bed🫡

[weird-is-life]

hey lovie! what about a remus x reader where he sees her asleep in the back of the library one evening on his prefect rounds and he wakes her up. he is more concerned on how long she’s been studying/asleep since it’s so late…on their walk she just walks with him during his rounds because they are just chatty

they both fancy each other but neither of them think the other thinks the same. he walks her back to gryf tower snd he finally says what he’s wanted to say for years

(i hope that makes sense and if ya hate the idea, no problemo lol)

xoxo

Hii lovely🥰 ty for the request. I tried my best, hope this is okay. Warnings: fluff, use of y/n, like one swear word, (0.9k)

Remus has seen you many times before. Either in the common room, halls, dining room, and the most in the library.

Remus always sees you in the library. Sitting quietly more at the back of the room. Either reading some book or doing the assignments for the classes.

So it's no surprise to see you here even now. But it definitely catches him off guard seeing you here so so late. Remus was on the last one of his prefect rounds before heading to bed himself, and he wasn't expecting to see you in the library.

Remus, from a shorter distance, notices that you are asleep. Softly exhaling one breath after another. Something stirs in Remus's heart at the sight of you, but he ignores it.

Remus approaches you, and tries to wake you up as nicely as he can. He doesn't want to scare you. He gently shakes you by your shoulder, and whispers your name a few times.

You rouse from sleep, blinking,  completely baffled by Remus's handsome face.

Remus thinks you are even more cute when you are half asleep. It's not doing any favors to his feelings for you. But he wills those thoughts away, and says, "sorry, y/n. You fell asleep in the library, and it's getting pretty late."

The sleep haze quickly dissappears when you realise where you are. You are up on your feet in a matter of seconds, packing your things away.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I was reading, and-and I must have fallen asleep," you explain in a mild panic. You would be in a lot of trouble if it was anybody else other than Remus that had found you here. Students aren't allowed out of their dorms this late at night.

"It's alright," Remus reassures you with a warm smile," I've done that so many times. I can't even count how many times James or Sirius had to walk down here to retrieve me."

"Really?" you giggle quietly, still very much sleepy and a little stressed.

"Yeah, really," Remus chuckles, too. "Now c'mon, let's get you to your dorm. I'll walk you there. Well, that is if you don't mind."

You shake your head. Indicating that you don't mind at all. Your cheeks go pretty pink as Remus and you start to walk towards the dorms.

You've always thought that Remus was so handsome, and so so smart. You'd never done anything about your crush, of course. Too scared to say anything. But that doesn't mean you haven't been admiring him. You have just-........from afar.

"Why were you in the library so late?" Remus asks to fill in the awkward quiet between you. And also he's a bit worried about you staying there until so late.

"Just studying, I couldn't figure out one assignment," you sigh. You still haven't figured it out, even if you stayed in the library for so many hours.

"The one for the potions?"

"Yeah," you admit in defeat," I've read everything I possibly could, but still i didn't find the answer."

Remus gives you a hesitant smile. You two are just a few steps from the dorms. You were walking too long in the awkward silence, and now the flowing conversation is about to end.

"I can give you the answer. I'll give it to you right away if you give me a second to look for it in my room," Remus instantly offers.

He's spent good few hours trying to find the answer too, so he understands how frustrating it can get. So he's very willing to give you the answer just so you don't go to bed with that on your mind. And also because he likes you, like a lot, and he would give you literally anything if you'd asked for it. He's down that bad for you.

"Really? I would really appreciate it, Remus," you say, happy about his help. You can't even think of how you could possibly thank him for it.

"Just give me a second," he turns towards his dorm, but he suddenly freezes halfway to the door.

Remus abruptly gets a better idea or well it depends on how well it goes. He just can't help his feelings for you any longer, and he needs to know what you feel, too. Even if he may get rejected, and end up with a broken heart.

Remus slowly turns around to face you again, a shy smile on his face.

"Or-r," he starts," we could go to Hogsmeade during the weekend, and I could explain it to you there. With something nice to eat and drink." Remus blurts it out in one breath.

Your eyes go very wide. Is Remus Lupin asking you out on a date or are you still very much asleep in the library, dreaming of this moment?

"L-like a date?" you sheepishly ask, blushing, and looking everywhere but him after your question.

"Yes. Exactly like a date." Remus states, looking nervous and hopeful at the same time.

You look up at him with a smile, you can't really believe that this is happening, " I think, I'd love that."

"Really?" Remus questions happily.

"Yes, really," you nod your head, sending a reassuring smile his way.

"Great. I can't wait," he tells you with a visible excitement.

"Me too," you admit bashfully.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow. We can sort out the time then. Goodnight, y/n," Remus says, giving you one more soft smile of his.

"Yes, tomorrow then. Goodnight to you too, Remus," you wave him goodbye, and quickly dissappear into your dorm before you can collapse on the spot from the way your legs have turned to jello.

You think you can hear pretty loud cheers of the Marauders as you head to change into your pyjamas. A shy giggle escapes your mouth when you think about Remus telling his best mates about your date, and them being so happy about it.

[aphrogeneias]

Rockstar!Eddie who has a crush on assistant!reader and has her running after him, after he comes to her with long list of demands and requests, only he doesn't really need her help at all, it's just an excuse to see her.

“These guys realize they're not Sabbath, right?” Rick sighs, “Like, what the fuck is this?”

Your boss barely even moves from where he's sprawled over one of the lounge chairs by the pool. When you arrived, he had to dismiss the girl that was sitting with him — on him, really — just to have you hand him the handwritten note without any preamble.

You don't know what to say.

“I, uh… I have no idea. Some roadie delivered me this and literally ran off. I think it's a prank, honestly.” You sigh.

It's a handwritten list of dressing room demands. A fur rug, expensive champagne, only red M&M's… the list went on. Quite ridiculous for a band on their first solo tour, playing on small venues across the country. Quite ridiculous for anybody.

To be honest, it disappointed you a little. You like these boys, which was more than you could say about the bands you've worked with in the past. Corroded Coffin came from nowhere, and while they aren't going anywhere soon, they are happy to just do whatever it takes to play their music, and you respect that.

This isn't very much like them.

Rick pinches the bridge of his nose, before pulling his sunglasses up, straightening them on his eyes. HE doesn't look directly at you as he gives you the piece of paper back, a silent dismissal. “Check it out with Munson. This bullshit has got his goblin little fingers all over it.”

You're happy the older man doesn't see how flustered you get at the mention of Coffin’s frontmen, and you're even happier to scramble out of there to hide the nervous smile that dares to rise to your lips.

Eddie Munson makes you nervous, more than you'd like to admit.

It's either his intense stare, those deep brown eyes that seem to know everyone's every secret — and you don't doubt they might — or the general aura of danger he exudes. Or, even, the sweet dimpled smile he tried to hide behind his hair, or the doodles he made during long meetings, or…

Maybe it's all of these things, but truth be told, it's probably also the way he makes you feel like you're the only person in the room when he looks at you, when you were supposed to be invisible beside Rick while he does his job.

You wonder if he does that to every girl he meets.

The elevator and the halls are a blur until you reach his door. Room 707, and you can hear the low strumming of an unplugged guitar from the inside, something that sounds like blues. You almost forget to knock, but when you do, the sound stops.

Eddie answers the door, then. “Oh, hi.”

The shirt with the cropped sleeves he's wearing shows off his arms, and the tattoos adorning it. You try not to stare at them as he holds the door open, not sparing you of his charming smile.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

Instead of answering with the same sweetness, you get too ahead of yourself. “Is this a prank, Munson?”

You hand him the piece of paper back, and his expression changes immediately. A pink flush rushes over his cheeks, and he stares at it, as if he suddenly can't keep meeting your eyes.

You'd never seen him like that.

“Oh. Uh. Not a prank, no…��� He stumbles over his words, letting out a nervous chuckle. “It's a…”

“Because it's gotta be a joke, and a bad one at that.” You stand your ground. “We couldn't even do that if we had a big budget, but with the one we have? You're lucky we even have water and towels at most venues…”

“It's not a joke, I promise. It's just that…” He interrupts your rant, looking away and sighing, then he moves closer, narrowing his eyes. “Can I level with you?”

“Please do.” You cross your arms, trying not to seem intimidated by his closeness.

“I didn't know how else to get your attention."

Your eyebrows shoot up, “You what?”

“I figured that if I wrote something stupid enough, Rick would send you to confront me because he doesn't have the balls to do it himself,” Eddie's flustered expression recovers into a confident grin, “and I was right.”

Swallowing back the nervous butterflies that seem to fly from your stomach and overflow through your body, you breathe out. “You thought you needed all this just for me to talk to you?”

“It worked, didn't it?”

You take a step back, trying to understand what just happened. His grin is infectious, because you smile despite yourself. “Next time, just say something. You'd be surprised.”

As you start walking away, backwards, still looking at him, Eddie gives you an unreadable look. He nods, though, lips trying to fight a bigger smile. “Next time?”

“For any professional inquiries, of course."

Finally, you turn your back, making your way back to the elevator. You meant what you said, but you know that's not what he meant.

"Professional. Sure."

The door clicked shut once again.

[nayatarot777]

the best traits of your future lover 💘💓

• pile one •

your person knows how to let go of endings. they’re not the type to hold onto connections with people and situations that are clearly already dead. they know how to accept death moments, mourn the permanent endings, and keep it pushing. i’m also seeing that they’re not someone who forgets about someone in particular who’ve passed away. they make time to go and visit the gravesite of whoever this person is, putting down flowers, ensuring that their grave is kept up to par, etc. this person has A LOT of self love. they’re one of the few people who can say that they genuinely love themselves and this is shown through how they treat themselves. how they dress themselves, how they take care of themselves, how comfortable and happy they are in their own energy. they also know how to accept and let go of any character traits or behaviours that no longer serve them. they don’t find it difficult to do that at all. they radiate self love and self respect and this is clearly seen by just looking at them. they don’t allow themselves to be trapped or bound by anyone or anything either. this person isn’t someone who listens to other people’s orders if they don’t see the point in them, and this is a great thing because it’s also a sign of their self respect. they go their own way. especially in terms of societal expectations of them. they don’t listen to most of them because it doesn’t serve them - nor does it make much sense to follow these things. they honour themselves the most, so therefore they’re not going to agree to anything that goes against that.

they love the summer too. this is when they’re the happiest. the sun is something that’s vital to their well-being, so this may be the type of person who loves to go on holiday to hot places when the weather gets cold in their home-country. this person is a breath of fresh air. they love to be joyful and happy. even in sad times. and this isn’t denial of their sadness or negative feelings. this is the ability to see both sides of most situations that they find themselves in. they stand out for this too. i don’t think that you would’ve met anyone who radiated such vibrant energy as much as this person does. they’re someone who respects all aspects of life. the perceivably good and bad. they know how to accept anything that comes their way and find the lesson within these situations. they’re someone who’s just highly respectful too. because they know that they’re deserving of respect themselves, so they apply that to everyone else - unless someone does something that makes them feel otherwise. as much as they know how to live life to the fullest and they love to project their energy outwards to make themselves and others happy, they also know when it’s time to go within and hibernate. to do some introspection when they find themselves being bound by a thought process or self-limiting belief within themselves. they know how to allow these blockages to die off, but they still respect the fact that they’re there and they use them as material to project themselves further in life than before.

patreon

• pile two •

the first card that has come out is ‘sexuality’. so this person is very sexual. but i’m hearing responsible. they don’t play about safety, protection - all of that stuff. sexual energy is also creative energy, so they know how to transmute this into energy that they can use to build. their sexual energy is hidden for only those who they allow into it. they’re very picky about who they accept when it comes to anything sexual. as physically attractive as they are, it’s really not easy to get into bed with them. they have specific standards that they abide by. standards that are centred around emotions too. this is someone who needs an emotional connection with someone before they’re even open to sleeping with someone. they know that their body is sacred and they can’t be just mixing their energy with anybody and everybody. their sexuality is very sacred to them. this person could also have a beard. a very thick and full one. maybe even long too. maybe that’s a turn on for some of you? idk 😂 they’re also someone who refuses to feel sorry for themselves. you won’t find them playing a small violin and indulging in self-pity. they use upsetting moments to teach themselves something. they learn a lot from situations that they’re victimised in by taking time out to rest and reflect on them; how they got into that situation in the first place, the part that they played, etc. i’m picking up on some sagittarius energy here. everything is taken as a lesson to learn by them.

there’s also a lot of patience that this person has. they understand that it’s a virtue that’s extremely valuable if they want to manifest something in stable ground. this applies to their goals and aspirations, friendships and relationships, self development. this isn’t someone who’s just willing to rush into milestones in any area of their life. they take things one step at a time to get a well-rounded view of people + situations. this is how they learn as much as they can about the person or thing that they’re getting involved with. they’re not reckless. this person is very prosperous thanks to this. they know how to move in life for the best results. they know how to plant seeds, take the time to nurture them, and leave them to do their thing so that they can yield the best crops for them. this person is also financially prosperous too, but this has taken a lot of time and determination to achieve. side note: this person could love carbs. i feel like that’s their weakness in terms of food 😂 same tbh. they’re also extremely protective of what and who they value. they act like some type of guardian for the people they care about. always on the look out for toads who shouldn’t be around their loved ones lmao. they always keep a watchful eye of the people closest to them - not in a smothering way, but in a ‘i’ll let you do your thing, but i’m still going to overwatch to make sure that i notice anything to keep you safe from’ type of way. this person is very respectful. respectful of people and their time. of their boundaries. but they’re still gonna be watching over you lmao. coming through like a protective parent 😂😂😂

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• pile three •

this person knows how to let their demons go. anything that haunts them from their past is something that they lay to rest. when situations are dead and buried, they accept it, deal with it, and let it go. especially anything related to their values, priorities, and beliefs that cause them to self-sabotage. i feel like this person has a history of extremely self-sabotaging behaviour but they know how to release the demons that haunt them. the same ones that cause them to hate themselves at times. they’re adamant on working on their self esteem. they realise when they’re thriving on sabotaging themselves and cut that shit out. they know exactly how to heal themselves once their consciousness makes them aware of fragmented aspects of themselves. they’re very big on healing. they know how to transmute their mindset and their perspective. they know how to choose what they allow to enter and rest in their mind. the rest is what they let go of. they find a lot of self empowerment in healing themselves. and they heal through constantly trying to expand their consciousness of themselves. especially the dark parts of their mind and their ego. this means that this person is extremely persistent at doing shadow work. i feel like this person has a very troubled past. a tortured soul in this lifetime. but they don’t allow themselves to succumb to it. they transmute all of that pain and heal it. they could even heal others who’ve experienced the same or similar things as them. they’re driven by this.

the ‘dedication’ card has literally come out. this person is so dedicated at transforming themselves from who they were in the past. they’re a fighter and they don’t give up. at all. they’re aware that they have all of the tools that they need in order to do this. and anything that they realise isn’t a tool for the betterment of themselves is something that they dispose of. for some of you, this person could use spirituality or occultism as a way of doing this. and if so, they’re very dedicated to up keeping their altar and giving offerings to the gods + goddesses that they worship. i’m hearing that they use their own demons in their energy work a lot of the time. instead of allowing these energies to control them, they ensure that they’re the ones in control of them. they have extremely strong boundaries - especially with substances. so, for example, this person could either not drink at all and be very strict with that, or they drink but they’re strict with the amount of alcohol that they consume. these boundaries could apply to anything. but these boundaries allow them to keep a very clear mind. again, they’re focused and dedicated to what serves them only. they’re also quite direct in vocalising their boundaries. they’re not afraid to speak up for themselves as a way of protecting themselves and their well-being. this person could definitely use divination as a form of guidance for their healing. but even if they don’t, they know how to find symbolism in their daily life to guide them to the right path. this person is highly connected to spirit because they’re very connected to their higher self. this person is also a healer through their own guidance that they give to others because they’ve been through a lot of shit. they know exactly what people need to hear to get them closer to being on the right track. they’re able to see higher perspectives of themselves and their life as a way of navigating it as best as possible.

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• pile four •

one of their best traits is their ability to alchemise. the power and knowledge that they hold regarding how energy works and what type of energy to mix together for amazing outcomes. they know how to see value in the smallest of things and how to flip that into something of higher value for themselves. just like pile three, they know how to alchemise their self sabotage into something that they can use for better. they can see value even in their self-sabotaging behaviour, as odd as that may sound. this pile is so similar to pile three. one of this person’s best traits is their ability to heal. it’s like even in the middle of self sabotage, they heal. everything is part of their healing journey - both positively and negatively. i was feeling scorpio/prominent pluto energy in pile three but in this pile it’s even stronger. this person is the definition of tearing yourself down to build yourself back up again. they alchemise in the middle of negativity (which is plutonic energy through and through). they know how to see the light in the darkest of moments. and that light is what they use to create in the middle of chaos. it’s almost like this person practices the strongest type of chaos magick - whether this is consciously or not.

they create a whole new energy out of negativity. they find a way to a new path in the middle of the darkest environment possible. and their mind is being highlighted as the dark environment that they often find themselves in. they don’t see this as a negative though. they see this as a challenge. darkness that they have to sift through to find valuable treasure to add value to their life. despite all of this, this person is extremely emotionally fulfilled. they find a lot of fulfilment in connections and in improving themselves for the sake of the people who they’re connected to. they know that if they’re not stable, they can’t build anything stable with anyone else. they use their connections to find their best source of energy, and i feel like they find a lot of enlightenment from others too. they low-key love negative energy. but not in the sense of causing it for the sake of feeding off of it. if they find themselves in a negative situation or a negative headspace, they take it as a sign that they’re going to come across a breakthrough if they’re able to find it. and that just means more self empowerment and a higher vibration, from their perspective. they’ve befriended their shadow. their shadow is like their best friend. and they work alongside it everyday so that their shadow doesn’t take over and destroy everything. their self-sabotage is almost controlled. they allow their shadow to be present in a very controlled way because they learn so much from it. they figure themselves out best through this part of themselves while simultaneously bringing healing to it.

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[antianakin]

how do you interpret codywan?

I suppose I should've seen this one coming.

So, the appeal for me with Codywan is the idea of these two people in impossible positions during what is a really dark time for them both overall learning to rely on each other and trust each other. They come from such radically different backgrounds, but somehow those backgrounds also allow them to understand each other in a way few others have (discounting the Jedi for Obi-Wan and the clones for Cody). There's a feeling of equality and respect between them as they fight beside each other and the other person starts to become more real because they can see the other person get tired and bleed, mourn and celebrate. And from that, they start picking up on the other little things about each other that turn them from General and Commander who respect each other professionally to friends who care about each other personally.

They AREN'T the most important person in each other's lives. They don't necessarily understand each other better than literally anybody else they've ever met. Cody will have relationships with other clones that are very meaningful to him, and lots of shared history with other clones that Obi-Wan simply cannot hope to replicate. Likewise, Obi-Wan has relationships with other Jedi that have lasted DECADES before he ever even meets Cody, and other Jedi will have a deeper understanding of that part of Obi-Wan that Cody just doesn't and never will. But Cody and Obi-Wan do go through an experience together that binds them, an experience that is uniquely their own. They mean a lot to each other and they are important to each other, but they aren't necessarily the center of each other's lives nor does their relationship eclipse everything else they care about.

Cody and Obi-Wan are one of the relationships that, to me, is most appealing when it's VERY Jedi in nature. From an outside perspective (a non-Jedi one), it might not even look like they're in a romantic relationship at all. Their relationship is their business and neither one feels the need to flaunt it publicly. They're happy the way they are and just because they don't follow the usual standards of what constitutes a romantic relationship doesn't mean they're doing it wrong or that it doesn't exist. I mentioned in the last ask about shipping that I'm aroace, and that tends to impact my view of Codywan, too. I tend to like interpreting them as something in the realm of a qpr (which is how I define ALL Jedi relationships because I don't think most Jedi relationships that work and/or last would look all that similar to what society tends to portray as a typical romantic relationship). In a happy fix-it AU scenario, Obi-Wan and Cody aren't necessarily spending all their time in each other's presence, they may not even live together, they're not constantly touching or making sexual innuendos with each other, they don't have pet names for each other or use endearments.

They both have such a strong sense of duty that meshes well together. Obi-Wan is a staunch Jedi and that means he feels compassion for everyone in the galaxy and is dedicated to helping everyone in the galaxy. Cody is someone who was forced into a life of service, but I like to interpret him as someone who, after meeting the Jedi and getting to know them better, decides that he still WANTS a life of service if he gets the opportunity to choose. He wants, more than anything, to be able to help people. He wants to bring peace and protect people when he can, he wants to represent something greater than himself. This allows them to be happy and fulfilled in their relationship without either of them needing to prioritize the relationship above everything else in their lives.

Obi-Wan enjoys Cody's wit, his steady presence and level head in a crisis, and that he's a sponge for any knowledge he can get his hands on. Cody enjoys Obi-Wan's compassion for life, his zest for learning and desire to pass on knowledge, and his thrill for adventure (whether Obi-Wan would call it that or admit to it or not). They both know they can rely on each other to get the job done without letting emotions get in the way, but they also know that at the end of the day, they can relax and be themselves with each other and find acceptance no matter what. I think Cody probably grows a lot through his relationship with Obi-Wan, that it allows him to understand himself in a way he hadn't been able to do before, and Cody provides an anchor point for Obi-Wan during a time when he's often separated from his regular support system.

I've seen people say that the appeal of Codywan for them is the yearning, but I don't think that that's it at all for me. The appeal in it for me is that it ISN'T something that causes them pain, but something that only really ever brings them joy. Even with Cody being pretty new to relationships in general, I think that he and Obi-Wan are both people who just end up enjoying the feeling of being in live, regardless of whether you think that person is in love with you back or not. They both glean pleasure from making the other person happy or even just SEEING the other person happy. Their relationship flows pretty easily from a professional respect to a friendly rapport to love without there being an obvious distinction between the different stages. They love each other, and it's not an issue that needs to be solved, but an experience to be savored.

None of this means that they never have disagreements or things like that, but Cody's steadiness combined with Obi-Wan's Jedi teachings means that they're pretty good at managing their disagreements without them becoming full-blown fights or major conflicts. Communication would not be one of their problems.

One of the things I like about Codywan is that what we know about them lends itself to an interpretation that they are the OPPOSITE of Anidala. Anidala is defined by its desperation, its secrecy and lies, its lack of healthy communication with each other, its melodrama and heightened emotion at all times, and the pain and fear at its core that leads to its own destruction. My personal interpretation of Codywan is the opposite of all of that. It's not defined by desperation and pain and fear and melodrama, but by smaller things that perhaps make for a less compelling story to people. So many fics turn Codywan into a variation of Anidala, with one or the both of them unable to admit to their own feelings and stuck in a cycle of their feelings for each other causing them little but pain. But if I wanted Anidala, I'd just read or watch Anidala. I want Codywan to feel DIFFERENT than Anidala in pretty much every way. I want their relationship to be based on honesty and trust and simple small moments feeling more romantic than grand gestures. There's no melodrama in my version of Codywan unless they're playing it up as a joke in front of somebody else.

[roseykat]

KINKTOBER DAY 1

Title: Same coin, different faces

PAIRING: Bang Chan x Reader

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work and page whatsoever.

SUMMARY: Despite not being together with Chan anymore, you somehow end up in the back of his car...fogging up the windows.

TAGS: pre-established breakup trope, swearing, a dash of angst but also a hint of resolve, mentions of alcohol (neither the reader nor Chan is drunk), a bit of manhandling by both parties, oral sex (reader receiving), car sex, unprotected, sort of hate/rough sex. 

MASTERLIST - KINKTOBER LIST

(This is currently unedited but I will be proofing it later on)

It wasn’t as fun as you had hoped it to be, a party that is. Given it was the end of the semester, people usually prefer to go all out - which they did, but you weren’t feeling it. There were far too many people off of their faces, including your entire friend group that you showed up with.

Two of them were playing drinking games in the kitchen, one of them - Minho, who had completely disappeared for the past few hours, and another one who had found himself someone to hook up with. 

In the end, you were on your own for the remainder of the party. After having found a way into the lounge through the masses of people attending and remained on the couch, watching those around you for a while, you decided to get back up and grab a drink. There wasn’t an entire selection to choose from; either warm beer or cheap wine, which you grab from the latter and pour some in a plastic cup to try and fit in with everyone else. 

The briny taste of the wine was enough to make you think that maybe it was time to go home. It wasn’t fun, interesting, nor a good way to spend your time on a Friday night. Before being able to make the decision to leave, you find yourself planted on the ground when your eyes catch onto a familiar figure amongst the people. 

Chan. Your ex-boyfriend - your ex-best friend at that too. 

It was a surprise to see him given that he isn’t really a party goer, but also a surprise to see him in general after the pair of you went through such a tumultuous breakup a month ago. Things just didn’t work out the way they were supposed to which was unfortunate because Chan is one of a kind.

There isn’t anybody like him that exists in this world. He’s gentle, caring, and has a bottomless well of love to give. Now that you’re not together anymore, you know that whoever he ends up with in the future is well taken care of. 

“Hi,” Chan says, walking up to you. 

“Hey,” you respond back, unsure of how to actually talk to him now. “What are you doing here?” 

Chan sighs, looking at the screen of his phone momentarily then turning his attention back to you, “trying to find Minho. I’m here to pick him up, but I can’t find him. Is he here?”

“I haven’t seen him for the past couple of hours,” you answer. “I highly doubt he’s actually here still.”

He sighs and rolls his eyes, “course he’s not.”

“He probably went to Jisung’s at some point,” you add.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” he replies before his eyes peer down at the plastic cup. “Drinking? That’s not like you.” 

“It’s the end of the semester,” you say in your own defence. “I was trying to finish off strong.”

“Right. Have you got a ride home then?” 

Your eyes dart beyond Chan to ‘your ride home’ who has probably now consumed half of his body weight in alcohol. Chan catches your gaze, turns around and sees Seungmin throwing back another shot with a couple of strangers, presumably his classmates.

Chan sighs once more and faces you again, “don’t tell me he was supposed to sober drive.” 

“He won’t be now,” you respond. 

“Okay well, I can drop you off. Minho’s not replying and he’s probably not here, plus I’m getting tired,” he offers. 

You ponder for a moment. Since Chan had come up to you, you hadn’t felt that sting of pain that a breakup usually induces. Not since the day you both called it quits on the relationship. But that’s only because things were never awkward with him. It’s only until now that you realise how depleting life has been without him. It’s not colourful anymore. 

It’s an issue because you don’t want to be reminded of what you don’t have anymore. Sometimes, the best things can be the worst for us. 

“It’s okay, thank you though,” you decline respectfully. “I might tell the others to get ready to head off.” 

“And who’s going to drive them? You?” He asks with a brow raised then shakes his head with disapproval. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Not that much,” you retort. “I’m not even tipsy, plus I don’t want to leave them behind.”

“Seems like they left you behind,” Chan points out a very good point which you find hard to not be in denial about. 

He takes the plastic cup out of your hand and places it on the nearest surface cluttered with other discarded items. He then returns back to you to gently take hold of your wrist and leads you out of the lounge full of people. 

“Wait-”

“I’m not letting you drive under the influence, end of story,” he decides. 

With that matter in hand, you’re quickly reminded that Chan has always had a strong head on his shoulders and his morals are very clear cut. He held reasonably strong opinions on doing unnecessarily dangerous things, particularly when it comes to you. It happened to be one of the poisonous factors that pierced the final dagger into the relationship. 

The cold air then hits you when you both make it out into the front yard. 

“I can walk thank you,” you say to Chan who forgets that he’s still holding your wrist. He looks down at his hand and releases. 

“Sorry,” he apologises. “Car’s this way.”

He leads you once more just across the street to the vehicle while you think about the fact that you never actually agreed you were going to accept his offer to take you home. In saying that, there was no other alternative other than walking which Chan wouldn’t have put up with anyway. 

The pair of you hop in his car, finally able to catch a break from the blaring music that was blasting throughout the house. After both of your seatbelts are on, Chan starts the car and drives away down the street. 

It’s not long until silence falls quickly. Things had never been this terribly awkward between you both, but there had been pockets of quietness which used to be comfortable to sit in. Now you can see that it’s not as nice. 

“So what have you been up to these days?” Chan asks out of the blue, breaking that silence. 

“Nothing interesting I guess,” you answer blandly. “Just studies and that’s it.” 

He nods, “how’s that going so far?”

“Fine, I suppose.”

Chan lets out a small huff, “you know, it’s still okay for us to talk right? We don’t need to be so hostile.”

The glow of your phone from your lap catches your attention away from his comment. You blink down at the screen and read a text from Felix. 

Lix: ‘Saw you leave with Chan. Please tell me you’re both back on.’ 

You roll your eyes. You love Felix, but sometimes he can be too optimistic. There wasn’t any way you and Chan were going to find your way back to each other. If anything, it wouldn’t be the same anymore. 

“I wasn’t being hostile, plus there’s not much to my answer anyway unless you want me to lie?” You respond back.

“No, I don’t want you to lie,” Chan adjusts his tight grip on the steering wheel. “But you speaking just proves my point on why we shouldn’t act like that.” 

You turn your head, shooting him a well-deserved glare. This isn’t usually how Chan acts. He never says backhanded things as such even though he can be relatively blunt. Whatever subtle malice was behind his words obviously came from the same place that helped the relationship tear apart. 

“This is why we never worked out because you always had to have some degree of control,” you scoff, ignoring the fact that you’ve now doused the flicker of the argument with petrol.

“I was only doing what I though was safest for you,” Chan argues back strongly. “It was never about having any type of control, it was because you couldn’t see what the consequences were.” 

“Then why couldn’t you have let me figure it out for myself? How else am I supposed to learn, when you’re not here anymore?” 

“You, driving drunk isn’t something that you just learn not to do. You don’t do it, full stop. Anyone with common sense knows that,” Chan bites back. 

“I’m not even talking about that! When have I ever driven drunk? Now you’re just fucking reaching for things! All I’m saying is that it didn’t matter how much time I spent with you, I never got to be my own person. It was like I was turning into another ‘you’.”

Chan shrugs, “in comparison to what you can be like sometimes, I honestly don’t think that’s so much of a bad thing.” 

The last nerve inside you, had been struck.

“Stop the car, I’m getting out.” 

“No, we’re nearly at your h-”

“I don’t care Chris, I seriously don’t want to be anywhere near you right now,” you cut him off sharply, not wanting to hear another word come out of his mouth. 

Chan looks over at you, absorbing how painfully angry you look right now and the fact that your hand is on the door handle, ready to bolt as soon as he pulls over. It was fairly obvious because once he did, you were out of the vehicle before he could say anything more. But as fast as you are out the door, Chan is already on the other side to meet you. 

“Don’t go home angry,” he says urgently. 

You shoot him a dirty look, thinking who the hell is he to tell you what to do, “or what?”

“Well can we at least talk then?” He questions, trying to grasp onto some common ground here. 

With as much force as you can muster, your arms come up to shove Chan by the chest, “fuck you.”

He stumbles back a few steps and is not as nearly as surprised as you are by your own behaviour. Never has anyone elicited as much of a reaction from you until now. The shock has you to the point where you can barely assemble an apology to Chan. Even so when he comes back forward, grabbing you by the sides of your arms, and shoving you right back against his own car. 

Before either of you say another word, his mouth crashes straight against yours. His swift hands are quickly groping and roaming in every place around your body that he can reach while you submit to his moves. You’ve forgotten how electrifying Chan can be at times when it comes to intimacy, that you really start to feel it when he slides his knee in between your thighs. 

You gasp against his lips, yelping almost when his hands reach behind you to squeeze your ass and to try to bring your body as impossibly close to his as he can. For a split second, you break away to consolidate what is happening. Chan remains latched onto you, his mouth now working its way to your jaw and down to your throat, sucking and biting into your skin. 

Neither of you care about whether or not he’s going to mark you up. All you care about at this point in time, is the hope that he’s going to fuck you. 

“The door…open the door,” you mumble to him, even though you’re trying to find the handle yourself. 

Even with the unshakeable frame of mind that he’s in right now, Chan listens to you. He pulls you forward with him so that he can yank the backdoor open. You hop onto the seat, pushing yourself backwards to the other side of the car to create room for him to join you. But Chan had his own idea planted already. 

He grabs you by the ankles and pulls you right back to the edge of the seat closest to him. His hands take pride in reaching underneath your skirt and tearing your underwear down your legs. 

He doesn’t even get the opportunity to fully take them off as they dangle on one leg. In saying that, it doesn’t take you very long to click onto what he wants to do. So you help him by doing your best to hike your skirt further up your thighs. Chan decides to take a few seconds to appreciate being able to relive this moment once more by using his thumb to swipe over your wet slit, collecting your juices only to bring it up to his mouth and suck it right off. 

“Fucking missed this,” he speaks for the first time in about five minutes before lifting both of your legs and separating them for his head to slot in perfectly between. 

The fan of his hot breath washes over your skin, already making your squirm forward towards his mouth. It’s been a long time since someone had touched you and Chan could tell. He knows how needy you can be, but not when you’re like this. Not when you’re straining to reach for the back of his head to pull him closer to your pussy. Not when you’re already moaning when he’s barely touched you.

Not when you’re wetter than what he usually thinks you are.

“Y-Yes…right there,” you sigh out and lie back down, waiting eagerly. 

One of your hands threads through his dark hair and tugs every time he sucks on your clit. Shivers of pleasure reverberate throughout your body, already making your legs tremble on his shoulders. If anyone were to drive past, you know you and Chan would get done for public indecency. Except that devious consequence became an elicit far away thought drowned out by your own moans the more Chan continued to eat you out. 

The best thing about it is that he’s not going easy on you. He’s being deceptively rough by digging his nails into your thighs and showing zero remorse when he relentlessly licks over that same sweet spot. The more work he puts into trying to make you cum, the harder he gets in his pants, straining at this point.

“P-Please Chan, hurry,” you cry out, trying to sit up and slide down further into his mouth. “Need to cum, please.”

When your begging and moaning become increasingly louder and more frequent, Chan knows you’re on the cusp of an orgasm. However, as much as he used to enjoy you cumming on his face, the idea of you cumming on his cock is just as good, if not better. So just as you’re about to tip over the edge, Chan pulls back. 

You blink in amongst the haziness of what was about to be a mind shattering orgasm to see Chan who’s head had lifted up from in between your legs. His mouth and chin were covered in your juices, and is completely unashamed about it. 

“You can just fucking wait,” he snaps and begins to adjust your legs so that he makes sure they cage his body at his sides, that way he can grab onto your thighs and fuck you hard and steady. 

Although you can barely see, you hear the zipper to his pants open before he takes out his cock, hard and ready to put it to use on you. You bite down on your bottom lip when Chan uses his tip to tease your entrance. He pushes his hips forward, enough to make his cock slide up and in between your pussy. 

Chan’s shaky hand manages to get a proper hold around his dick, aligning it with your wet hole, and slowly pushes in as the heat begins to encapsulate around his length. The top half of his body nearly falters forward if it weren’t for his hips that thrust forward first. 

“Chris…” you mutter in an aspirated voice, feeling the fullness of his cock stretch you out.  

There is no forewarning for the strength he has behind each buck of his hips. It takes you back to times before during your relationship and how deliciously memorable the sex always was. Chan’s main priority was to always make you cum first and regardless of his own needs and pleasure. Whether you misbehaved or were being an outright undeserving brat in bed, even then he would still let you cum. That’s how much he loved you. 

“Nobody can ever fuck you the way I do,” Chan grits his teeth, his eyes watching his cock disappear inside of you each time he rams forward, hard and fast. 

Every second that goes by, you’re grappling more and more onto your last threads of sanity. It’s hard to keep up and absorb Chris’s stamina and pace - a relentless and unapologetic pace that hits the same spot inside you over and over again until that build up of pleasure starts spreading around your lower abdomen. 

“Make me feel…so good,” you mumble incoherently. “Gonna make me cum.” 

It’s been a long time since Chan has heard you say those words - hell, even heard you moan at the very least. It’s enough to keep his pace steady but he’s very wary of the fact that he himself is already near the edge of an orgasm too. Nonetheless, he’s determined to get you there first once more. 

So Chan lets go of one of your legs at his side so that he can use his thumb to now rub fast circles over your clit. Your hands grip at the hem of your skirt, back arching as you start submitting to the crest of intense pleasure Chan has built up for you. Then within seconds, Chan has you cumming hard around his cock, shuddering, and straining his name out of your mouth as it rings throughout his car. 

“Fuck, baby…” he groans as his head tips back before he starts spilling white inside of you. 

His hips stutter finally, gently slowing down to a leisurely pace while he drowns in the afterglow from one of the most transcendent orgasms he’s ever had. He gives you both time to come down before he carefully slides out of you. It takes you a while to fully fathom what just happened, but you allow yourself to think about it. Whatever it is, it’s not regret. There’s a longing feeling there, a borderline sense of relief. 

Once Chan is decent, he helps you slide your underwear back on even though you’re both fully aware of the fact that he just came inside you. It’s not like either of you were prepared for this to happen. In saying that, Chan gently takes hold of both your hands and gets you to sit up.

“You okay?” he questions, using his finger to hook some of your messed hair out of your face. 

You nod, “yes. You?” 

“I’ve been worse,” he answers, making you smile. “I’m really sorry for what I said earlier.” 

You shake your head, “I’m sorry as well for being so stubborn. I figured that the more hostile I am towards you, the more I push myself away so that I don’t have to deal with any feelings from before.” 

Chan completely gets it, “I know. I thought I could do the same, but it seems that I’m too nice.”

You roll your eyes, “you’ve had your moments.” 

“I definitely have,” he replies. “Anyway, we should go in case anybody just saw that.” 

A bashful sense of embarrassment washes over you. It’s been minutes before you realised that you just fucked your ex. But even so, it doesn’t really feel that way. It’s just Chan, someone who you still have a lot of love for. 

“You can stay at mine, it’s late,” you suggest to him. 

Chan smiles softly, “as if I’m going to say no.”

-

A/N: Yes, I am a day late already to Kinktober - I just realised bc my dumb ass was trying to figure out time zones and when would be the best time to upload for people bc I’m quite some hours ahead from other countries. So I’ll just stick to my time zone, that way you’ll get my works a few hours earlier x

KINKTOBER TAGLIST: @mal-lunar-28 @fairy-lixie @dreamingaboutjisung @lizzetmv @luneskies 🩷🩷

[disneyprincemuke]

where the fun begins, 3 * ls2 (ms47)

while logan can't figure out where he had gone wrong with your relationship, you do.

pairings: frat!logan x reader, college!mick x reader

word count: 6.1k

notes: guys this took me forever and 2 and a half days to write so it's a bit long so i apologise but srsly <3 i got a bit carried away LOL idk if u can tell

(f1 masterlist)

| one | two | three | four |

"i'll say," frederik mutters into your ear, guiding you towards the bar. "you look very comfortable with mick. no drinking games, no body shots..."

you laugh, shaking your head. "yeah... i've come to learn that those really aren't my thing."

"i don't even see you at parties often," he laughs. "but, i'm curious," he looks towards the backyard where mick had walked off to, "what happened between you and logan?"

you raise your eyebrows and glance at lily, bottom lip between your teeth as stare up at the decorated house. "are you sure about this, lily?"

"please?" she hums innocently, turning to you with a smile. "it's a frat party, but oscar invited me. please, please?"

you watch drunk college students stumbling in the front yard and the strobing lights going crazy inside the house. at first glance, it's very overwhelming. it's probably because this is a scene you don't typically indulge in.

"okay," you sigh, laughing airily as lily links arms with you. "you're sure about this oscar guy?"

"yeah," lily says excitedly, helping you manoeuvre through the moving crowd. "are we late or something? why does it look like everyone's leaving already?"

lily knocks on the door and presses her lips together. lily lets go of your arm and fixes her shirt, brushing her fingers through her hair. she turns to you again. "do i look okay?"

"you always do!" you giggle, tapping her shoulder. "if he's a good guy, he will like you regardless. trust me on that one."

the door opens, revealing a guy you know you've seen around in your classes before, but never really knew his name. he sees you first, eyebrows shooting up at your presence on their front porch. "oh, what are you doing here? oh, lily!"

you press your lips into a small smile, pointing at lily. “for her.”

"of course! i'm frederik. you can call me fred," he shrugs. "you're under oscar’s guestlist tonight, right? and you’re lily's plus one?"

"yeah. is he around?" lily asks, craning her neck to peek into the chaos that awaits both of you in the house. "he told me to come at 8, but i saw people are already leaving. are we late?"

"nah, you're just on time," frederik laughs, beckoning for both of you to step into the house. he leads you through the small crowd. there are not as many people as you had expected. "that party's from the other frat next door. our party starts at 8. oscar's just woken up from his nap so i'll leave you guys in the vip area if you don't mind?"

"oh, you're leaving?" you pipe up, turning to him slightly. "why don't you stay with us and guard us?" he slumps his shoulders. "i'd love to. but we're tight on people tonight. i have to be everywhere."

he stops right by a stanchion, sectioning a part of the living room away from the crowd. there isn’t anybody in the said vip area, making you raise your eyebrows. perhaps you’re too early?

you actually have never been to a party, and it’s against your better judgment even to be here in the first place. if it hadn’t been for lily’s insistence to make it out to the party that oscar personally asked her to attend, you wouldn’t be here. either way, a frat party isn’t a place lily should be alone in.

“well, if you guys need any drinks, ollie is at the bar,” frederik smiles. he glances at lily. “you’ve met him, right? he will use the good liquor for you guys.”

“of course,” lily grins, dropping herself on the couch gently. “oscar’s on his way down?”

frederik glances at the stairs. “he should be. he doesn’t take that long to get ready.”

you watch with a frown as frederik walks away with a small wave, eventually disappearing into the house. the house is slowly filling with people and you take a seat next to lily with questions at the top of your head. “why is there a guest list?”

“yeah, the frat doesn’t like letting their parties get too wild so it’s by invite only,” lily explains. “it helps them minimise the chaos a little bit. i think that’s what oscar said.”

“that would be right.” a head makes you turn your head, jumping back at the head that’s popped between you and lily. “you guys are with oscar?”

lily nods. “i’m a friend of his.” she gestures towards you. “this is my plus one.”

“oh, cool,” he grins. “i’m logan. can i get you guys some drinks? we make cocktails, we’ve got beer… you can get it on the rocks too, if you want.”

you shake your head with a small smile. “i don’t drink. thank you, though.”

“i’d like a long island please,” lily smiles sweetly. she drops her head slightly to give you an encouraging smile. “you could get a mojito. it’s like sprite with mint — we can just ask them to put less alcohol in it.”

“do you have just sprite?” you press your lips together with a worried stare at logan. you never really cared what others thought, but you could feel the judgment coming through from the way he turned his head and looked at you in shock.

you didn’t know college students were so cutthroat about the consumption of alcohol.

“really? i could just ask ollie to put in a drop of rum into the mojito,” logan suggests. “but that’s up to you. don’t feel pressured to drink alcohol if you don’t want to.”

you smile politely and nod your head at him. “just a canned sprite will do. thank you.”

you take a deep breath, slotting your laptop and notebook into your bag. heaps of students are already rushing to pour out of the lecture room while you stay behind to wait the crowd out. maybe they’ve got places to be, but you’ve got nowhere to be.

you lean back on the row behind you, watching the crowd slowly die down before you make your way out of the row you were sitting at. in the other aisle, there’s someone still sitting, typing away on his laptop.

as you pass him, he looks up at you with a polite smile, his blue eyes bearing into yours curiously. you return a small smile before shyly turning away and hopping down the stairs.

he’s pretty cute, you’ve got to admit. all semester long — all 3 weeks of it since you started your sophomore year — you always somehow run into that same guy. you’ve come to find out, from his friends screaming it in the campus cafeteria, that his name is mick. but, well, you’re not brave enough to make a first move.

so you walk down the steps with a small grin on your face. you take one last glance at him, still very focused on his screen, before you pull the door open to leave the lecture hall.

“hey!” a figure immediately steps up in front of you when you let go of the door. “hi, i’m- i’m logan. we met at the party last friday? you went with lily?”

your eyebrows shoot up in shock, unsure why or how he’s standing outside here. or how he even recognised you in the first place. the frat house was dim and crowded when he came to offer you and lily drinks. “ah, yes! are you looking for lily? i don’t have many classes with her, but i can call her for you if you’d like.”

“no,” logan grins, shoving his hands into his pockets. “i actually looked for her to find you. i couldn’t find you at the party the other night. is everything okay? did something happen?”

your lips part with an understanding nod. “yeah, i took off early. parties aren’t really my thing,” you explain. “i did have fun for the hour that i did stay, though! i never got to thank you for the sprite that you got me.”

“don’t worry about that. we were hosting, and you guys were someone’s special guests, or so i heard,” he smiles. “so, um…”

you tilt your head and look up at him, slightly confused. what business did this frat boy have with you? had you done something wrong during the party? were you supposed to bid goodbye before leaving the party because it was invitational? “i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye,” you blurt out of nervousness.

he throws his head back slightly, blinking blankly at your reaction. “what?”

“i’m sorry,” you laugh softly, “i don’t really go to parties, and especially not ones held in a frat.”

“what are you talking about? it’s not about the party,” he laughs. you tilt your head more and furrow your eyebrows at the dimple that makes a brief appearance on his face. he’s a lot cuter in daylight than he was in the neon lights that illuminated the dark living room of their frat house.

“oh. then what are you here for?”

“i was,” he looks away briefly with a small smile, “i was wondering if i could take you out to dinner some time?”

you straighten your back at his request and grip the handles of your bag that’s resting on your shoulder. “pardon?”

logan clears his throat and stands a little straighter. “well, i think you’re really cute. i’d really like to take you out to dinner some time this week. if,” he pauses, waiting to see for any more reactions that would give away your potential answer, “you think i’m also cute?”

“i mean i think you’re cute,” you grin sweetly, dropping your head slightly. you watch as a hopeful smile spreads across his face before an apologetic expression covers yours. “but i reckon i’m not really your type.”

“what do you mean?” his eyebrows furrow and he frowns slightly at your rejection. not to say that he’s never been at the receiving end of being rejected by girls before, but it’s certainly not as common as it used to be when he was in high school.

“i’m not a party girl. seeing as how you were that night at your party, it might be safe to assume that this wouldn’t really work,” you explain slowly. “it’s not a bad thing! i just… i don’t think we would click like that.”

logan continues to tower over you in shock. you sigh. “i’m really very sorry. you are cute–”

“then let me take you out on a date?”

“–but let’s not waste each other’s time.” you take a step to the side. “i’ll see you around, logan. i had fun at the party.”

lily laughs. “oh, come on. logan’s not that bad!”

“i literally watched him go crazy over beer pong!” you explain, throwing your head back in disbelief. you pinch the bridge of your nose at what she’s trying to get at after you told her the story. “i left 45 minutes into the party because the music was too loud!”

oscar sits on your couch, slightly amused at the situation with his arm slung around lily’s shoulders loosely. “he’s alright. he can be a bit much sometimes.”

“oh, you’re not helping your friend here,” lily gasps exasperatedly, smacking oscar lightly. oscar laughs softly, throwing his head back at lily’s will to defend logan through and through. she looks back at you and throws her arms in the air. “what’s the worst that could happen if you go out on one date?”

“i don’t want to waste my time. i have enough going on as is.” you widen your eyes and glance at oscar with pleading eyes, hopeful that he can find the words to get lily off your back. “we’re total opposites! i’m an academic — it’s all i’ve ever known.”

oscar shrugs. “she’s right, you know,” oscar mutters, earning himself a glare from lily. he tilts his hands up into the air. “logan’s not been an academic in a hot minute. he skips classes, he frequents parties a lot, he gets into fights…” he looks at you. “you made the right decision.”

“i know.”

“no,” lily says slightly firmer this time. she sits up slightly and plants her feet on the ground. “what if he straightens his act because of you? i think being in your company would really do logan some good.”

“you want me to let him take me out on a date just so he can justify the school fees he’s paying? are you crazy?”

“not like that! i mean, like, if the date goes well, then i think it would help logan see the brighter side of things,” lily explains with an eye roll. she turns to oscar. “don’t you think so? don’t you want to see logan in classes again?”

oscar squints his eyes, pursing his lips slightly as he looks at lily. you gasp and stomp your foot on the ground. “don’t tell me you’re actually considering this, oscar!”

“it’s a silly idea,” oscar says. you sigh in relief before you turn on your heel, ready to get some rest for your classes tomorrow. “but–” you turn back around in panic at his change of tone. “he’s a good guy in general; just a little… misguided nowadays. he’s a pretty sweet guy.”

“sweet guys wouldn’t skip class and challenge random party attendees to a fight when he’s one of the hosts.”

“true,” oscar points out knowingly, “but if you give him a chance, you’ll see that he’s not as bad as he was that night. i mean, it was a party. everyone gets rowdy sometimes at parties.”

you fold your arms over your chest, staring at them incredulously. there’s no way that they’re making you agree to go on a date with somebody who’s a polar opposite, right? either way, it seems unethical and rude to go out on a date with logan just to hope on the fact that he will get his act together.

“that’s not fair.”

“at least give him a chance,” lily grins, eyebrows raising hopefully. “he’s not as bad as you think he is.”

you walk the busy halls of the campus, trying your best not to bump into anyone as you send your parents a quick text message. you glance up at the lecture hall you’re heading towards and flinch slightly at the figure waiting right by the door.

you sigh softly to yourself, dropping your phone into your bag as you approach the door. “i said no, you know that, right?”

“you didn’t even give me a chance,” logan hums with the sweetest smile he can sport to show you. he extends his hand with a small bouquet and rocks back and forth on his feet. “one date. if you still don’t think we would be good together after that, i’ll leave you alone.”

you stare at the flowers before you lift your eyes to meet his. “logan…”

“one date. no alcohol, no drinks, no parties,” logan suggests. his eyes light up when you look back down at the bouquet. “a proper date. i’ll take you out on a proper date.”

“fine,” you say, taking the bouquet into your hands. you lift it slightly. “thank you for the flowers. i’m busy tonight and tomorrow, how does thursday sound?”

he can’t contain the smile growing on his face. “great! i’ll pick you up at 6?”

you nod, but before you can tell him where to meet you, he’s already jogging away from you. “hey, i haven’t told you where to pick me up!”

“i’m gonna be late to class!” he laughs, waving at you. “i’ll ask lily for your number — i’ll text you tonight i promise!”

you raise an eyebrow at his statement. he’s going to class. you tilt your head with a small smile and glance down at the flowers, grazing your nails over the petals of the lavender. you press your lips together, admittedly trying to calm your racing heart. it’s very thoughtful: the flowers and the waiting for you outside your lecture hall.

logan is lucky that he’s cute, or that simple gesture of waiting for you might have bordered the line of being weird.

you press your lips together and make a sharp turn towards the door again. someone swiftly passes your stiff figure right by the door, pushing the door open that leads into the lecture hall. he steps aside and holds the door open, peeking from behind slightly to beckon you to come in.

it’s mick.

you smile. “thank you.”

he glances down at what you have in your hands. “ah, flowers. lucky guy.”

logan walks next to you in the hallway of your apartment complex, his denim jacket wrapped around you warmly. he sighs with a small smile. “i hope you enjoyed the date, at least. it wasn’t much, but–”

“what?” you laugh, the sound echoing down the hall. “don’t beat yourself up over it. i enjoyed the restaurant and the food. i enjoyed the car ride to get desserts too.”

“i know it’s a little underwhelming,” logan sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “but i really do hope that you enjoyed the date. because i know that i enjoyed myself.”

much to your surprise, the date went very well. you didn’t have a lot in common with logan, but you did click to a certain degree. surprisingly, he did have a pathway he wanted to pursue after graduation, which is why he’s enrolled on the major he’s in right now.

he softly, and hesitantly admitted to you that it’s been difficult to find motivation since the new semester started. you completely understand that.

you stop at your door, then turn to look at him. “don’t overthink it. i enjoyed myself tonight. thank you, logan.”

you’re ready to walk through that door right now and admit to lily that you’ve misjudged logan’s character. despite his tendency to be a bit of a walking menace, oscar is right about him being a sweet guy.

he opened his car door for you in all instances, gave you flowers (despite having given you one just two days ago), held your bag and gave you his jacket despite it being cold outside. you insisted on going dutch with the bill, but he beat you to the cashier to pay for the entire meal.

“do i get to take you out on a second date?” logan raises an eyebrow with a small smile. “i know a place.”

you press your lips together, trying to hold back a smile and a definite answer. you step forward and press a kiss on his cheek, giggling when you see his cheeks flush. “let’s have lunch tomorrow after my morning class,” you say with a pat on his shoulder. “text me when you get back to the frat house.”

he barely has any time to respond before you stumble into your apartment with a hand to your chest. lily, sitting on the couch doing one of her assignments, immediately looks up with wide eyes and a hopeful grin.

you don’t say anything, just shriek and run over to the red head with stories upon stories spilling past your lips.

“is this seat taken?”

you look up and flinch slightly at the pair of green eyes and soft smirk looking down at you. “logan! you aren’t in this class. what are you doing here?”

“i don’t have a class right now,” logan whispers with a small grin. “the library is full, the guys are being rowdy in the house — i’ve got an assignment i need to start on.”

“and you thought my lecture would be the perfect place to get some peace and quiet?”

“yes. and also the fact that you’re here helps.” he starts to put his things on the empty spot next to you. “do you wanna grab some dinner after your class?”

you frown slightly, keeping your eyes trained on the door for your professor to walk in. admittedly, you’re quite scared that logan’s in a class that he’s not supposed to be in.

surely your professor wouldn’t notice a fresh face in a room full of a hundred students, right?

“i’ve got tutoring after my class. it’s tuesday.”

“right. i forgot,” logan whispers. “can i pick you up afterward then?”

“i can’t stay out late. i’ve got class early tomorrow.”

“i know,” logan nods, pressing his lips together into a smile. “just want to see you. let me send you home?”

you laugh sheepishly, turning your head to look at him. you promptly drop your smile when you realise he’s serious. “oh, you’re serious.” he nods with a hopeful smile, repeating his question if you’d let him. you smile and sink into your seat. “sure. that’s very thoughtful. thank you.”

you press your lips together, picking at your nails as you look over the railing to the crowd downstairs. “are you sure about this? i can just go home if you want. i don’t really want to be a bother…”

“no, don’t be silly,” logan smiles, taking a step down. he holds his hand out to you. “it’s a smaller party than the first one you attended. no plus ones this time.”

you hum, pressing your lips to the side. “i’m not really a party person, lo.”

“it’s not a party. it’s a small get-together.” you hesitantly take his hand, letting him lead you down the stairs. “but i guess if you prefer to head home… i can drive you home.”

you take a deep breath and try to count the number of people on the first floor. there’s no way this is considered a small get-together — you lost count after 20. “i’ll stay for a little while… no drinks for me, okay?”

“just a little bit?”

you sigh. “like, a drop.”

“are you guys together yet?” lily giggles, watching you walk out of the kitchen with a mug of hot chocolate.

“are you and oscar together yet?” you throw the question back at her, tucking your legs under your body. lily stares at you with wide eyes, lips pursed together at your retort. “exactly. that’s what i thought.”

“but that’s not the same.”

“you’re right — it’s not the same. cause you and oscar actually like each other.”

lily tilts her head. “you still don’t like logan? i thought everything is going well.”

“i do! i already do — i like him a lot, actually,” you sigh. “but i don’t know… we’ve been going out for like 3 weeks… i don’t know what we are.”

lily’s face contorts into something of disbelief. she looks at you. “you guys still haven’t established anything yet?”

you press your lips together. “is it that bad that we haven’t established anything yet? isn’t it like… normal? i mean, we’ve only been seeing each other for 2 months.”

“it’s already been 2 months?” you watch lily sink into the couch and puff her cheeks. “you guys are together more than half the week… have you even held hands yet?”

“of course, we have,” you scoff, slightly offended. despite being closed off yourself and being more on the inactive side, you’ve had your fair shares of relationships. “i’m not a prude — not that it’s a bad thing to be one. but seriously, lily?”

“maybe logan’s more traditional about things like this,” lily mutters, shrugging. she takes a scoop from her tub of ice cream and shoves the spoon into her mouth. “who knows? i’m not his friend.”

“that’s what i’m trying to say. but i don’t know. maybe he just doesn’t like me as much as he thought he would when he first asked me to go on a date,” you shrug, pressing your lips together. “that’s okay. maybe i should ask him tomorrow when we go the pier?”

“should you, though?”

you shrug. “better than living in the dark, right?”

lily presses her lips together. “what about that cute guy in one of your lectures? have you guys interacted again recently?”

you drop your head with a shrug. “not since he saw me with flowers in my hands that one time. he sits really far back nowadays and leaves with the crowd.”

“i told you he had a thing for you,” she says, words muffled from the ice cream in her mouth as she points the spoon directly at you. “you never believe me — i’m like the love expert or something.”

you dart your tongue out and kick her lightly. “because you’re often wrong. oscar is probably the only decent guy you’ve dated.”

she perks up with a proud smile. “i know. he’s so not made to be a frat bro. if it weren’t for logan and the difficulty of finding housing for college, he wouldn’t have been there.”

you breathe out slowly as the wind pushes all of your hair out of your face. you feel logan’s grip around your hand tighten as you take a stroll on the boardwalk of the beach near campus.

since logan had picked you up from your apartment, you’ve had this nagging feeling creeping up on you. it’s one thing to talk about asking him about the status of your relationship, but it’s another to stand in front of him to actually say the words and get an answer. “i want to ask you something if that’s okay.”

“of course,” logan nods, slowing down with his eyebrows furrowed. “is everything okay?”

“yeah, i just don’t know if i should be asking you this at all,” you say softly, turning to face him. you grab his other hand and purse your lips together. “we’ve been going out for a while… lily’s asked me, but i don’t really know what to answer. what are we? like… are we together?”

his reaction is unreadable. you watch as his forehead relaxes, but the way his lips part and the way his eyes stare into yours intensely is telling you a different story. “i… um…”

you smile and squeeze his hands. “that’s okay. you don’t have to put a label; it’s just a question.”

you turn away to continue your walk when logan pulls you back gently to face him. “no, it’s not that i don’t want this to go anywhere — i do. i really like you. but i feel like… we should take this slow, don’t you think so? there’s a lot more we don’t know about each other, and–”

“no need to explain yourself,” you hum, patting his shoulder gently. “we can go slow if you need to. after all, you’ve got tons of assignments to catch up on.”

he laughs. “there’s really too many to count.”

“there’s only too many to count because you keep skipping classes, lo.”

“try it,” oscar laughs, handing you a slice of lime. “lily’s got a plastic bag in case you have to puke.”

you hesitantly take the lime into your hands and raise an eyebrow. “are you guys sure about this? i told you i’m not a drinker.” you lift the cocktail in your hands. “i’m good with my cocktail. shots are daunting.”

liam sighs, shaking his head. “no, mate. you don’t have to drink the tequila if you don’t want to.”

“just try it once,” oscar shrugs. “one shot. the trick is to get a lot of salt to really offset the taste of tequila. then bite on the lime to finish it off.”

logan smiles at you. “do you want me to show you how to do a body shot, babe? it’s easy, and i’ll only pour half for you.”

you laugh, throwing your head back. “um, sure? how do you even–”

lily steps forward. “you need to put the lime in your mouth. and then,” she pauses to take something from the table, “we put the salt on you. is your neck okay?”

“my neck?”

“it’s a body shot,” logan giggles, breath already reeking from all the beer he’d drank from his game of beer pong. “it’s supposed to involve the body in some way.”

you take a deep breath. “i guess.”

you tilt your head back slightly and look into the crowd, bored. if you had the option to sit out this party, you genuinely would. but the frat was hosting again and logan insisted that you make a small appearance for a couple of hours.

or, in his words, he’ll teach you a couple of drinking games for the future. if not for your time in college, at least for the parties to come into your adulthood.

you lean back against the counter as lily swipes your neck with damp fingers, pressing a bit of salt against your skin. you sigh as she positions the lime into your mouth, careful not to bite too hard.

a familiar pair of blue eyes shine in the dark, looking right at you as he enters a kitchen with a friend. he furrows his eyebrows at the sight of you surrounded by a crowd of frat brothers and lily. you scrunch your nose and raise your eyebrows at him, prompting mick to wave at you hesitantly with a confused expression on his face.

which, you can argue, you’re probably having the same thought as he is: what the hell is someone like you doing in a frat party?

he disappears into the crowd, making you sigh to yourself before you feel a pair of lips hovering dangerously close to your ears. “ready, babe?”

you turn your head slightly and grin. “yes. show me how to do a body shot.”

you purse your lips together. “sorry, lo. i’m not really feeling a party tonight. i think i’ll just head back,” you say softly, leaning on the railing that gives you a sneak peek of what kind of party it would be tonight.

in the first place, you’ve got a submission for an assignment on monday night. this weekend is important that you keep free for yourself — you told logan that multiple times. yet he still insisted that you stay over tonight for the party.

“are you sure?” logan sighs, frowning slightly. “can you stay a while? frederik invited the other frat over for a party. they’re mostly upperclassmen. it won’t be that bad tonight.”

but you’re insistent. you’ve still got tons of research to do. “no, i’ve really got to head back tonight. i’m sorry, lo,” you shake your head, walking around logan to head down the steps by yourself. “you don’t have to drive me back if they’re already here. i’ll just call an uber.”

logan tilts his head and chases after you down the steps. he stops a step after you, prompting you to come to a halt. “are you sure, babe? you don’t even have to drink tonight; you can stay in my room and do your research for your paper. you don’t have to go.”

“i’m sure,” you smile slightly. though, you remember a time when it wouldn’t even have to be questioned that you preferred to leave early instead of sticking around for the party. “i’ll just text you tomorrow.”

you shake your head and press your lips together, walking towards the door of the house. you keep your head low, not wanting to receive any questions from frederik or his friends why you’re leaving so soon since the party had just started.

when you get away from the crowd of the house, you’re dialling lily’s phone number to pick you up. when she doesn’t answer, you sigh and try to book an uber for yourself. but, it’s a busy friday night and drivers wouldn’t earn much driving you two blocks out of campus.

you sigh, fully considering the 25-minute walk back to your apartment complex.

“hey, what are you doing out here instead of the party?” a familiar voice approaches you, making you turn around to meet the brightest blue eyes you’ve seen. he says your name in a question to confirm if it’s really you and you respond with a shy nod. “heading home early?”

“yeah,” you laugh airily, glancing down at your phone to see if you’ve gotten any luck with an uber. “i still have research for that one assignment we have due on monday. i wish i could stay.”

“do you need a ride back?” he smiles, tilting his head with a sweet smile. “i’m designated driver tonight, by the way, if you’re concerned about drinking and driving.”

“no,” you laugh, shaking your head. “i don’t want to keep you from the party. i can walk home.”

“it’s really late. are you insane?” he raises an eyebrow and beckons you down the sidewalk where his car is parked. “come on, let me make your life a little easier and drive you home.”

“hey, liam?” you say softly, barely tapping the taller man’s shoulder to get his attention. he stands from his position over the table, filling cups for the next round of beer pong. “sorry.”

“it’s no problem, mate. what’s up?” liam bends down slightly, though continuing to pour beer into the red solo cups, leaning into you to listen to you over the music. “can i help you with something?”

“yeah, um,” you trail off, “have you seen logan? he left me alone like about 10 minutes ago. i haven’t really seen him since. i’m getting pretty worried.”

“oh, i saw him.” ollie appears next to you with a small smile. “i saw him go up to his room about 5 minutes ago. he was on the phone with somebody, i think. it looked really serious, actually, but i don’t know. it’s logan — you never really know.”

liam laughs. “you know where his room is, right? ollie can bring you if you’ve forgotten.”

you give them a thumbs up with a smile. “i can get to his room. thank you.” you pat ollie on the arm. “thank you. prepare me a margarita? i’ll be back down soon with logan.”

you quickly excuse yourself, pushing yourself through the crowd. you jog up the stairs and immediately find logan’s room. well, it’s not that hard; it’s the second door to the left in the long stretch of bedrooms. the door to his room is slightly ajar.

“lo–” you cut yourself when you pop your head in and see that he’s still on the phone.

“will you just listen to me? fuck’s sake?” logan says tiredly. you peek in slightly more. he’s sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees as he grabs his cheeks. “i– i don’t know, okay? i like her– yes, i do. but i still think of you. sometimes.”

you furrow your eyebrows. you never knew about a potential ex-girlfriend that he could still be hung up about. “i’m not leaving her for you. i told you this before — whatever happened 3 months ago, that’s all that will ever be of us.”

you try to do the math in your head. if you’ve been seeing logan for approximately 5 months now, what the hell did he do 3 months ago? well, you suppose you didn’t have a label up until you asked 2 and a half months in. which is fine and realistic — on a technicality.

@cashtons-wife @localwhoore @vroomvroomcircuit @foreveralbon @what-is-happening-helpp @angsthology @urfavnoirette

[a-d-nox]

aphrodite (1388) persona chart observations (part 2)

welcome to my mini valentine's series on the goddess of love and beauty - this month 4 observations will be released regarding the aphrodite persona chart! all observations are in reference solely to aphrodite persona charts. these observations are completely hypothetical. they are based on my (the those closest to me's) experiences with each aspect/ placement! please don't take everything i say as predestined, astrology is possible outcomes not guaranteed ones. this is just a starting place for when examining singular objects in an entire galaxy (these are not the only asteroids in affect for you). take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

♀ venus negatively aspecting anchises (1173) people tend to not flirt well? like its always over the top or not obvious at all

♀ venus-aphrodite (1388) people are very dominant in a room - they appear to be very comfortable in their skin, wear the perfect clothes for them, and tend to be confident in their skills surrounding charming others

♀ earth and fire mars people may be dominants, while air and water mars people are submissive; switches may have the mixture of these (see degree and sign)

♀ mars positively aspecting moon may indicate liking feminine qualities in a partner or liking a partner who is sensitive towards you and your needs

♀ mars-pluto people have REALLY high sex drives.

♀ people who can destroy a reputition with drama or gossip tend to have mars-mc or mars-pluto aspects

♀ mars-nn people with positive aspects may find they hook up with a lot of people, while negative aspects do not; they could be on a life journey to learn about levels of intimacy

♀ mars negatively aspecting poseidon (4341 / h47) people could lack authority/dominance in a relationship

♀ air and water jupiters are more likely to question their self-worth; especially, if aspecting the ruler of and/or being in the 8h and/or 12h

♀ water jupiters (this includes those with water degrees or aspects to the moon) tend to be the tate langdon of the chart group: "i would never let anybody or anything hurt you... i've never felt that way about anyone..."; your loyalty and promises run very deep into your person

♀ you may have great legs if you have sagittarius (9°, 21°) or capricorn (10°, 22º) jupiter

♀ jupiter-uranus people may experience fluctuations in their weight

♀ saturn negatively aspecting the moon may indicate feeling insecure over breast size; you could have been bullied for being "flat"

♀ people with saturn negatively aspecting the moon and/or venus tend to be the first ones who are ridiculed for betraying other feminines (could be through cheating, bullying, turning their back on them, not protecting them when they see injustice (i think of those social experiments where a guy takes a picture up a girl's skirt and then everyone around her just stands there without saying anything having seen the whole thing go down OR like serena joy holding down june in handmaid's tale), etc); the positive aspects tend to be the advocates and allies for women rights and justice

♀ saturn negatively aspecting venus and/or pluto could indicate shyness or insecurity over your yoni - i feel like these people are either like olivia from sex education where they think their yoni is ugly and/or they may be the type to cry / get stressed at the gynecologist's office because they feel ashamed or vulnerable in their chair

♀ saturn with negative aspects to mars, venus, and/or pluto may be in denial of their sexual preferences especially that of who their partner is or isn't (aka their character)

♀ saturn-neptune people tend to be comfortable naked, but i feel like there is slight over-awareness of clothing like a "does this look right on me?" type moments or "damn i should have worn a bra, i feel like everyone is looking at me" type deals

♀ saturn-pluto people either aren't satisfied with their sex life or they are rather kinky... or both

♀ saturn-aphrodite (1388) people may struggle with loving themselves or finding qualities they admire about themselves

♀ uranus-mc people are mass manipulators that can "brainwash" whole societies (steve jobs had a quintile between these two planets and now everyone is compelled to own his products - donald trump also has a quintile)

♀ uranus-hestia (46) people are often traditionalists who are opposed to divorce

♀ uranus-psyche (16) people could have some really twisted relationships in which no one knows who manipulated who

♀ pluto-poseidon (4341 / h47) people tend to be extremely lustful

♀ scorpio-influenced (8°, 20º) and/or neptune-pluto people can be super seductive and possibly are in the adult film industry

♀ cancer (4°, 16°, 28º) vertex and/or moon-vertex may indicate relationships with feminines or becoming a better person when emotional intimacy occurs in your relationships

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© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[hazbin-a-helluvamagines]

How about this? Headcanons for Loona and Octavia (separate) with a nerdy!male!reader??

Idk, but when I was thinking of this I thought of him just being Milo thatch from Atlantis: The Lost Empire if he was an imp (and maybe looking like him with a human disguise).

"My Geek" ; Loona, Octavia Ars Goetia

AN: I have never seen ATLA, so I hope I did this okay for you!!

Loona would tease you. Brutally, in fact. But she does it all out of love. She just doesn't really know how to show people that she cares about them, so she resorts to teasing to hide the fact that she does. She doesn't want to seem vulnerable, after all. Look where that's gotten her in the past.

With that said, that doesn't mean she lets anybody else makes fun of you. No, only SHE'S allowed to do that. Girlfriend privileges, she calls them. Even before you're actually dating.

But the second someone else tries? Ohhhh dear, be prepared for tears. And not hers (or yours).

"Don't be such a prick when he manages to pull hot bitches with his nerdiness, and you're going to die a loser virgin."

She'd of course comfort you afterwards, in her own Loona way. Telling you how that person was a loser, anyway. How they didn't understand your "weird, shitty hobbies", but that that only made them a little bitch.

Loona will act like she doesn't care about what you're suggesting to her, but in reality... well, her Mammazon cart is full of her gift ideas for you for special occasions. Comic books, manga, movies, costumes, you name it.

And y'know what? She'll never tell you that she actually paid attention to what you told her.

"Here. A random shut-up gift."

That's code for "I've been listening a lot, actually, and I know these are things you like, so I wanted to get you something that lets you know I paid attention", by the way.

Honestly, I feel like she'd prefer a nerdy S/O for a guy, though?? Someone she can be playful and fun with without having to maintain her stone-cold persona.

Now your human disguise... oh boy.

You saw how she was with Vortex? Yeah, well, with you, you can basically amplify that by ten.

Basically heart eyes lmao.

Don't worry, she eventually starts acting more normal around you in that form once she begins associating it back to you, her loving boyfriend.

She'd still have those momentary slip-ups where she says something she normally wouldn't, though, although they're much more welcome when you're actually her boyfriend.

"Uh... Loona? You okay?"

"You're hot... I mean, uh- Y'know, literally. Cuz it's... a hot day out."

Girl is down bad.

Honestly? Octavia seems pretty nerdy, too. Probably has a secret comic book hobby. So she doesn't see anything wrong with your hobbies. She even finds them endearing.

Likes to hear your little hot takes, whether or not she really agrees with them. It opens the floor for some productive discussion and banter.

"Oh yeah? And what happens if I do something like this?"

And she proceeds to either do it, if it's a physical thing she can do, or explain the idea, eager to hear your take on it or if it's something you'd suggest in that scenario.

Due to that, she really isn't hard to make conversation with at all, since she can relate pretty well to your more geeky interests, and even be persuaded to get into the same fandoms. Or have fandom battles, like Marvel vs. D.C..

She'll always side with D.C., though.

And of course, she'll happily come with you to those types of movies, since she usually really enjoys them, herself.

She's more of a music nerd, though, and she'll definitely try to get you to listen to some of her favorite artists. The music is pretty angsty, but it's not bad, either. And you love her, so you bear with it for her.

Definitely the type to take you to one of those geek stores for your birthday and just let you pick whatever you want.

Girl comes from money, and she knows how to spend it. :)

"S/O? What about this one? It's got that thing you like on it."

As she's proudly showing you a T-shirt of a character you mentioned liking, excitedly looking around for her own things, as well.

Always a fun couple experience.

Oh, also, Stella HATES you, but that's probably to be expected. Not that Octavia really cares for her absentee mother's approval.

[thefandomdirtymind]

Would you be willing or interested in like either a small Drabble or fic about Sanji’s hands? Preferably with a chubby or plus sized reader? Like how he would grab them or pleasure them? Cause I am fucking obsessed with his hands and loving the work that you’re putting out ❤️❤️

A/N IMPORTANT:  Hi ! Sorry for the wait, I had tried for a while to decide if I did an headcanon or a fic and my brain just decided a morning for me. The fact that the reader is a chubby or plus size is implied but without to much precision since every bodies are different and I succeed ( I still don't know how) to put 29 time the word hands in this ! I hope you will like it !

Under his touch (NSFW)

OPLA - Sanji x Chubby/Plus size reader

Sanji / OPLA Masterlist and Coming Soon

* English is not my first language, I tried really hard to correct myself but, I hope you will excuse me if some mistakes are still there.

____

As you were sitting at the table in the kitchen. The declining light of the sun bathing of a golden orange, the pages of your book, the paper barricade lifted high enough to dissimulate your focused gaze.You couldn’t deny it any longer. 

When you sat there, after the departure of the others for a visit to the near island, you were determined to advance yourself in your reading. But, as much as you had tried, if anybody would have asked you what your book was talking about, you couldn’t have, even at the price of your life, given them an answer. 

For the past few minutes, you had been fixing the fascinating view that was the tall frame of Sanji, doing his preparation for the next day. But, more precisely his strong mid-sleeveless forearms and his hands, always in movement. His longs and slender fingers holding the knife and keeping firmly in place the diverse items he was chopping. 

Yet, meal preparation and appreciation of his skilled talent at cutting julienne wasn’t exactly what was putting your mind in a spin. For days now, the thought of his capable hands on your body, caressing tenderly your skin, exploring every one of your curves, giving them the admiration they deserved and traces with his fingertips your stretch marks like it was the most exquisite piece of art he ever saw, had made you wonder if something didn’t go well with you. Never before have you had this kind of thought or fixation about the part of somebody, neither it had caused you all those sensations. 

And then, the dream began, followed by the daydream until you couldn’t play the innocent anymore. You had a special kink for the hands of Sanji,in addition of the man himself. 

The fantasy, day or night, were always mostly different by the way it was started and the various locations it takes place. Still, every which of them have the same point that Sanji was eager, in the same way he was about a new recipe or annoy Zoro, to show you how much pleasures he can gave you with his hands, before properly fuck you.

Holding your book more loosely, your mind slowly drifting, you almost could hear him calling you by one of his sweet french pet names. But as you were trying to understand which one, you realized that the voice wasn’t in your head.

“ * Ma douce, are you okay ? You haven’t changed your page for a while now. I know that those carrots are the most sexy things you've ever seen, even my omelette au fromage * on the counter is jealous, but it's still just a vegetable” Sanji chuckles, extracting you from your daydream. * My sweet , * Cheese omelet 

“Oh sorry, I hm, I was just wondering how you cut those so quick without hurting yourself” You said, trying to hide the embarrassment of being caught fixing him. 

“ It’s nothing more than practice and good hand placement. I can teach you if you want, come here.” He joyfully replied, well intended and excited to share his cooking interest.

Putting down your book, you joined him behind the kitchen island, your nervous breath slightly caught in your throat when he held your waist to place you in front of the cutting board, before placing himself behind you. His warm breath brushed slightly the tips of your ear, as he was giving you the knife and positioning your hands.

“ So now love we will place our finger like this “ He said, helping you adjust your grip on the carrot.” And we will cut at this distance, retreating gradually our fingers without releasing your hold. We wouldn’t like it to slip and cut that pretty skin of yours “ 

“ Of course” You simply answer, the sensation of his body against yours after so many days of languin, making you quite hot.

You were only at the second carrot and archived to reach a good pace, when he sadly left you back, clearing his throat. 

“ hm, hm, mon coeur, even if I enjoy your company and your help I think I will have to finish it myself…” The blond tells, trying to smile as well as strangely avoiding your gaze. 

“ I know that my cuts are a little bit uneven but I thought…” You start before he interrupts you. 

“ It’s not it mon coeur, you did well, it’s more if we continue like that I’m afraid I wouldn’t longer be able to only be your friend. Being enveloped by your scent, feeling all those marvelous curves against me, it’s like Icarus and the beautiful sun,... I’m not that strong…” He confessed, clearly embarrassed, putting aside the collar of his striped shirt.

“ Maybe I don’t want you to only be my friend” You at your turn confessed, surprised by his reaction. Sanji was an obvious but gentlemanly flirt, but never you saw him as flushed for only a few touches. “ For days now I think at more…intimate things” 

Taking a moment to register your answer. Sanji slowly approached you, cupping the side of your face with one of his hands, his thumbs softly brushing against your lower lips. 

“ Then I should maybe show you how I would gladly burn for you” He whispered before taking possession of your mouth.  

Your lower back pressed against the island, the food long forgotten. His feverish hands were traveling on your still clothed body, trying to remove or put aside the fabrics to reach your soft bare skin, his mouth covering your neck and throat of kisses, leaving this and there love bites. Unbuttoning his shirt and helping him remove the frustrating clothes, until you finally stood in the simplest of your underwear. The nervous thought of your often insecure body washing away under his amazed gaze. 

“ Magnifique* “ Sanji said, throwed his shirt behind him, as his eyes encompassed you whole. * Magnificent

Pushing aside the neglected prep items. The blond cook tenderly took your waist, sitting you on the surface, chuckling at the little surprise noise you made as you bare ass met the wooden surface. 

As he let his hands roaming free on your body, caressing your side and slowly spreading your thighs, you felt his finger digging in your plum flesh, lazily advancing in the direction of your warm center. 

“ You know, I think I could become really intoxicated by all this. All this skin to explore, to mark, to flustered, to make mine” Sanji said “ Please, let me enjoy every inches of you Y/N“  

Nodding of the head,as your breath became more and more panting and he pushed aside the silky fabric of your bra while his mouth explored your breast, taking between his lips your hardened nipples and sucking on them gently. You tried to regain a certain clarity of mind, yet, you knew at the minute his digits reached your cunt that it was an already lost battle. His fingertips brushing against the covered lips of your pussy and his thumbs nonchalantly rub your clits, you let escape a anticipation sigh.  

“ Please, allow me” Your lover asked, waiting for your full consent, kissing your jaw. “ I will make you feel so good I promise, I will make you dance on my fingers, cry of joy under my palm, I want to find your special spot and I will take no rest before finding it“ 

“ Sanji,please, push those in me before I lose my mind “ You pleaded, his sweet promise making you head spin. 

The most adorable and joyful smile you had seen plastering his face, Sanji complied, helping you to remove the coton obstacle before sliding it in his pants pocket. His pace, at first, was slow and steady, letting you adjust around his digits, his thumb playing a warming game of brush and rub against your clits. But, as your body quickly accommodates, he gradually took more speed, drinking every one of your praises like a good wine. 

“ Oh please don’t stop, so good Sanji, so good ! “ You moan against his mouth, rolling your hips. 

“ You're so pretty when you dance on my hand like that, yes just like that ma douce “ He encouraged you, his hand pistoning in and out of you, his other helping your hips moving. 

Like he promised, he takes no rest, making you come on his fingers, his gaze glued to the magnificent vision of your form going undone. 

It was during the time you were getting down from your orgasm, Sanji fingers still buried in you, that he discovered your sensitive spot, accidentally pushing it as he was repositioning his finger.

“ Sanji ! “ You exclaimed, gripping his forearms in support. 

“ What mon coeur, did I find an interesting spot ? “ He asked, pushing it again, watching you close your eyes and almost lose your mind, before repeatedly playing with it, pushing you off the edge over and over.

“ Sanji wait, too much,please that too much, wait” You beg, your thigh shaking under the overstimulation of your g-spot and his palm rubbing against your pulsing clits. 

A proud smile on his lips and the ocean blue of his eyes darken by lust. He slowly removed his digit from your center, watching you getting down from your euphoria. He patiently licked his fingers clean, groaning like if your taste was the best flavor in the world. 

“ Mon coeur, if you let me. In a really near future,  I would love to take my time and savor you again, being in a rush like this will not give me enough time, but I swear to taste you again until your butter soft thighs close around my head and shakes  ” He promised you, tracing of his fingers the pattern of your mother nature given tattoos on your hips, his eyes never living yours. 

“ Yes please “ You replied, capturing his lips in a kiss, tasting on them your own arousal.

Opening his pants, gladly freeing his aching cock, taking your turn to explore him with your fingertips ,your name on his lips, as he grabbed your ass hard enough to leave fingerprints bruises.

“ Love, you’re really determined to put me on my knees or be the end of me isn’t it?“ He panted, accusing the regular stroke and movement of your hand along his already sensible length. 

Yet,It didn’t take long for you to feel him inside you again, you delicious torture reducing him as a begging mess to feel your warm around his cock.

Helping you to lie down on the island kitchen, resting your legs on his shoulder, he carefully penetrated you, his groan and moans mixing with yours as he thrusted in you in a steady rhythm, adapting his pace to your expression of pleasure.

The noise of your skins slapping against each other and your moaning filling the kitchen, you felt the turmoil in your body growing, making grip the border of the table , your hips lifting off the surface by themselves. 

“ Sanji I…I will come “ You cried out, reaching for his hands that he gladly gave you to hold.

“ I’m really close too, mon coeur. Seeing you like that, so pretty and in that pleasure state in my own kitchen, I would never imagine so much beauty “ He said, his voice showing his struggle to keep his hips to buckle. 

But,as he pushed further in you, making your orgasm burst and seeing stars. You felt his dick twitch as he came,letting escape in a whine the most beautiful way you had ever heard your name. 

As you were both putting back your clothes, exchanging kisses and glances, you heard the rest of the crew coming back from their island excursion. Luffy being like usual, the loudest. Giving a last glance to be sure that the kitchen was like is usual self , at the exception of the recently open window, you smile to Sanji, taking back your place with your book as he bend above you to whispered in your ears. 

“ Don’t forget your promise mon coeur, I haven’t finished exploring every inch of your beautiful body, neither will I soon forget your taste in my tongue” Sanji smiles, leaving a last kiss on your lips before washing his hands and returning to his carrots.

Trying to bring back your attention to your book, a smile on your lips, you knew that no daydream would ever beat those past and future moments. 

—–

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[totaly-obsessed]

can you do a millie bright x reader where it’s their wedding day and the whole team are there and it’s just really fluffy and cute:). love your writing so much

Tears of Joy

Millie Bright x reader request

-> Marrying the Love of your Life

-> sorry for the delay - I hope you like it!

➳ Masterlist

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

After waiting and planning for months on end – maybe even your entire childhood, the day was finally here. You were getting married!

Sure many dreams from your childhood wedding plans came true, but you didn’t quite find a prince charming, more of a princess charming – your very own knight in shining armor, the one and only Millie Bright.

As soon as you hat met Millie all those years ago in a Social Media meeting for Chelsea, you knew that she was the one. But the gentle giant had been quite scared to come up and talk to you – so you had to take the first step.

While the blonde looked intimidating it only took speaking to her once to see that she really wasn’t – maybe more so on the pitch, but luckily you didn’t have to face her there.

Millie had blushed a deep red when you caught her arms as she frantically tried to leave the meeting room, something you had not expected.

“Hi Millie, would you like to go on a date with me?”

Of course, she knew who you were, the new head of media for the women’s branch of Chelsea and she had spent the last four meetings just staring at you.

While you had felt confident walking up to her, seeing her face contort into a frown and lines appear on her forehead changed your mind quickly and you removed your hand.

“Or not – sorry that was a stupid idea.”

She couldn’t pull you in a hug fast enough. Dear god. If she hugged you like this, you never want to hug another person.

“I wanted to act cool and act like I wasn’t sure… But I would love to!”

To this day Millie and you could laugh about how much more stressful it had been than it needed if she had just said yes immediately.

---

 ---

While you had taken the first step to dating, Millie had been the one to ask the big question. She had just come home, even though she had been at home the entire time, from winning the Euros – and emotions were at an all-time high. Your girlfriend was now officially the champion of Europe.

You had been the first person she had seen out of the stands, her parents pushing you forward when you wanted to let them go first, after all, she was their daughter. “Don’t be silly love!” Had been what her mother said once she saw the blonde making her way towards the barriers.

“I did it, Baby! I fucking did it!” She was in tears, face still hot from running on the pitch for such a long time as she pulled you into a passionate kiss, not caring the slightest about all the cameras.

“You did so well my love! I am so proud of you!”

She would never forget the look on your face – she had never seen you look so proud of anybody, and now you looked at her like this. Her heart? Melted into a puddle.

Your girlfriend didn’t wait for long, lifting you over the barrier and pulling you as close to her as she could.

“My god Mills, leave some for me!” It was Rachel who finally pulled her sweaty best friend off you, just to replace her, giving you a bone-crushing hug.

“Off Rach! That’s my girl! Get ya own!”

The ‘DalyBrightness’ duo had always playful banter between them, and you were no stranger to it either, often getting roped into it somehow by Rachel, determined to get Millie angry – but the taller one of the two could only laugh about it every time.

The whole evening and night was spent partying, first in the dressing rooms, then in a chosen location with friends and family. Trafalgar Square was the next destination, where the girls would meet the nation they had made so incredibly proud, just the evening before.

After all the meetings and interviews had finally calmed down, you got your girlfriend back. Millie had finally arrived at home, in your shared south London house and the first thing she saw was your dogs Hera and Zeus. But upon lifting her head, the defender saw that they flanked both of your sides, while you held a beautiful ‘Welcome Home’ cake in your hands.

She couldn’t kiss you fast enough after seeing your nice gesture and cute smile.

“I love you much my love, and I don’t think I tell you enough. But I really do.”

The first thing you did after not seeing each other for such a long time, was napping. In the big bed, ready to sleep the day away. What you didn’t know, was that Millie woke up way before you and found herself staring at a beautiful ring in a little box.

Today was the day.

After making dinner she had asked you. She didn’t go down on her knees, so she pulled out a box, opened it, and just sat there for a second until you finally turned and noticed the ring.

“Mills?”

“Marry me?”

Choked up on tears you couldn’t do anything but nod. “Yeah, baby. I’ll marry you.” The kiss that followed tasted like tears, tears of utter joy as Zeus and Hers ran through the room yapping as if they knew what had just happened.

---

 ---

The day was finally here. Yours and Millie's wedding day. In retrospect you could not have chosen a better day, even if you obviously had not known how the weather would be – it was perfect.

Getting ready was a long process, not even physically, but rather mentally. But there was not a single doubt in your mind, that you would marry the love of your life.

You were ready when a knock sounded at the door and your sister who at the same time was your maid of honor opened it. The door was only open a smidge so you couldn’t really see who was behind it, while you talked to your bridesmaids.

“It’s go-time people!”

Your heart fluttered. But you were not nervous or anxious, no. You were excited and nearly ran out of the room with the bridesmaids to get to the altar, but your sister stopped you in your tracks, insisting that you had to wait somewhere else until the rest of the wedding party walked down the aisle.

Now stood in a room you waited for your sign. Fuck. Now the nerves were coming up. In your head, you went through the plan again, when you heard someone clear their throat.

It was Millie. There she was, dressed in a gorgeous white jumpsuit – looking at you like you hung the moon. “Baby! “You cannot see me in my dress before the wedding!”

Tears brimmed in both your eyes as you stared at your fiancé who couldn’t keep standing there any longer, so with brisk steps the blonde rushed forward and engulfed you in one of your favorite hugs. Your hearts find each other and beat in unison.

“How are ya feelin?” She rested her forehead on yours while staring at you as long as she could. “Nervous. Excited. Incredibly happy.“

The music inside was slowly getting quieter and you knew that you didn’t have that much time left. “I thought we could change the plan a little.”

Turns out Millie's idea was brilliant. Instead of just you walking in, both of you walked in together, no one would give anyone away. This would be a union of love between you and her, but that didn’t mean that either of you had to say goodbye to your family.

You could hear the gasps as you walked down the aisle, arms hooked together, each of you a flower bouquet in hand, the biggest smiles anyone had ever seen on your faces. You looked magical.

---

 ---

In the end, you don’t even know how you got through the vows, all you remember were a lot of tears, and an incredibly passionate kiss that was met with screams of joy from the audience.

After all of your families had congratulated the both of you, your Club mates made their way towards you each of them with big smiles on their faces.

Niamh was the first at your side and was the first to pull you into a warm hug. “You look like a princess. But one of those badass ones, that doesn’t need a white knight to save them.”

“I will need a cheaper ring for daily use, this one belongs in a bank in a safe deposit box.” Millie's joke was met with a lot of laughter as Sam came over and after hugging you as well, took a closer look at your ring. “Maybe! That is a fucking rock Mills!”

„You’re one to talk.“ Hempo received a  slight nudge from her captain while everyone else laughed along.

One after the other Chelsea and Lioness teammates alike made their way through the masses, hugging you with congratulatory tones and singing praises. Most of them even brought presents which they gave your sister for safekeeping.

“I can finally call you my wife.” Millie had stolen you away from the open space for a second and pulled you close for a deep kiss.

“My wife, huh? That has a nice ring to it.”

Not only were you her wife now, but she was also yours. Married. Oh dear god, you were finally married to the girl of your dreams. “Best day of my life.”

“Then I am excited to give you better ones.”

“God. you disgust me.” Neither of you had seen Rachel invade the nice little space Millie and you had created for the two of you

“Rachel!”

[givemea-dam-break]

daughters of the evening

⭒⭒⭒⭒ in which luke’s descent from good may be found.

pairing: luke castellan x (fem) reader

a/n: hey guys!! first fic in a while and i know, i know, pjo book readers are disappointed in me… but i’m just a girl! i’m literally just a girl! please enjoy my brain baby i love her :) i love writing quests so much, so this was really nice to write for my first fic back on tumblr. i hope you guys enjoy! if anybody wants to be added to my pjo taglist, let me know!

warnings: canon typical violence, book spoilers, blood/injury description, rusty writing

words: 5.8K ⭒⭒⭒⭒

(y/n) couldn’t remember when the change in Luke became permanent.

She could remember the hints of something at the corners of his eyes, something that bit at the happiness that filled them, eating away at it like rot on wood. She could remember the slow decline in his respect for his father, respect that had barely been there for years, though was now bridging on outright disrespect.

She could remember the crux of it all, the very moment in which all of the little things began to coalesce into something ugly. A flash of claws, the deep scarlet of mortal blood followed by shimmering gold ichor. The horrible sound of screaming. Gleaming fruits of gold. Gorgeous, blooming green trees towering above them that concealed the violence below.

It was after the quest that Luke, her Luke, was never the same.

⭒⭒

“I don’t remember San Francisco looking like this.”

Luke’s lips curled into a smile. “You’ve never been to San Francisco.”

(y/n) rolled her eyes. “I’ve seen it in movies through which I have lived vicariously. It’s in one of the Indiana Jones’s, right? Looks different.”

“Those movies are from the eighties,” Luke said. “So, yeah, it’s going to look different.”

Charles Beckendorf, their questmate, heaved a sigh. “Do you guys ever stop?”

“Stop what?” (y/n) asked.

“Being annoying? Flirting? Whatever you want to call it.”

Her face felt awfully hot and she found herself unable to even look in Luke’s general direction. It was a comment that had been made many times in the past, one she was sure Luke was sick to death of, but she found herself yearning for comments like it. They meant that maybe she wasn’t dreaming up something between them.

Either way, she didn’t acknowledge it, rather stuffing her hand into her unzipped backpack and scrounging around until finally she found what she wanted. With a dramatic flair, she revealed three paper maps, each embellished with their names written in colourful pen at the top.

A moment of silence, then Luke said, “Why do we need a map each? Can’t we just share? And where did you even get those?”

“I got them back in Salt Lake City, before we happened upon that massive crab, you remember the one? All blue and slimy.” She pressed the maps into their hands. “There are multiple because knowing you both, you’ll lose them and I’m not buying any more. But, look! They’re colour-coded. Green for me because, duh, Demeter. Orange for Beckendorf, red for you. We can at least make this quest for some stupid apples interesting.”

Beckendorf raised a brow, giving her a strange look. “With glittery gel pen?”

“Glittery gel pen makes everything better,” she insisted. “I’m glad you acknowledge that. Now, come on. With all this talking you two have been doing, we don’t have much time to spare. You’re like a pair of gossiping grannies.”

The two shared a look over her head, one they thought she didn’t see, but it only made her hold back a laugh. They were a relatively upbeat group as it was, but she prided herself on keeping the mood light, especially when danger was looming. With the might of glittery gel pens, a travel-size game of Monopoly, and a cheesy puns book they had picked up off the side of the road, they would be unstoppable should their enemies need a good laugh.

It wasn’t that they weren’t capable of what was ahead of them that she felt the need to joke around, it was just her regular nerves. The three of them were experienced and powerful demigods, skilled fighters and strategists, the best of the best. Luke had his immense skill with a sword and the mind of a trickster; Beckendorf had the brains and strength of a blacksmith, and could sense a trap a mile away and disarm it in moments; (y/n) herself was a powerful daughter of Demeter and, though not to the standard of Luke, was also skilled with a sword.

They hadn’t faced much trouble before. They were a tried-and-tested trio, having been on multiple quests together in the past and finding themselves working well together. 

This time, it seemed like a match made by the Fates. A quest ordained by Hermes, Luke’s father, to retrieve the Apples of Immortality from the Garden of the Hesperides - gardens and plants being the domain of Demeter and, by extension, (y/n). And, no doubt, there would be many traps or the need for a strong mind, hence Beckendorf. He was a year or two younger than she and Luke, but had proved himself upon countless occasions. She trusted him with her life.

Almost a week now they’d been on this quest, and still she felt like a giddy child. Almost seventeen and, at her big age, she was holding back smiles and giggles befitting of a schoolgirl with a crush. Part of it was gratefulness that a demigod such as Luke had chosen her to join him on this quest, even after being friends for years and having gone on numerous quests together already. Part of it was simply that she was madly in love with the boy.

She glanced at him from the corner of her eye, then, watching the way the afternoon sun gleamed on his face, setting his dark eyes alight with flame. There was a curious smile on his lips, one that concealed mischief and intelligence; one she had loved for as long as she could remember. His hair was messy after days of travelling and not bothering to fuss with it - she dreaded to think of what her own looked like, the only mirror she had being her sword - but there was something so extremely endearing about it. Wild curls that gave his lightly-freckled face even more life.

Their maps didn’t help their hunt for the Garden an awful lot. For what had to have been at least two hours, they stumbled around the city, turning this way and that, earning odd looks from strangers. 

“For being the son of the god of travellers,” (y/n) said, “you are horrendous at reading a map.”

Luke gave her a nudge with his elbow as he scanned the map. He was grinning. Her stomach was doing cartwheels. “Maps make sense enough, but I think these ones are out of date.”

“Maps don’t go out of date, stupid.”

Beckendorf was holding back a smile. “I think he’s right. I think our maps are too old.”

(y/n) glowered at them, plucking their maps from their hands. Fine. They didn’t deserve to hold maps graced with her glittery gel pens anyways.

“Well,” she said. “Unless either of you have any ideas, we’re going to be stuck wandering for hours. Come on, Luke. Use your magicky journey powers. They got us this far.”

His eyes shone, and her knees felt a little weak. She loved it when he looked at her like that, when she had said something funny. It was as though the heavens themselves had descended and flooded his face with light and beauty. She couldn’t look away.

“It’s a big garden,” he retorted. “Find the big garden, daughter of the mighty Demeter!”

She knew he meant it as a joke - the sarcasm was practically dripping from his voice - but there was something in his tone that she couldn’t identify. Something deeper than a simple sarcastic comment. This had been a pity quest, of sorts, she knew. Luke had been getting restless and his father had wanted to satiate him, but it wasn’t enough. He was displeased with the gods, to say the least.

But he kept a good lock on his expressions, on his words. She wouldn’t have suspected a thing had she not known him as well as she knew the feeling of grass beneath her feet.

Eventually, combining their powers and the single brain cell that seemed to be taken by Beckendorf, they found their way to the Mount Tamalpais State Park, which was not open to visitors now that the sun was setting.

They stared up at the distant mountain, the sloping greenland and towering trees that led towards it, and heaved a synonymous groan. Quests could never be even slightly easy, it seemed. Why would the gods let them head to a random park in the city when they could have them trespassing in a state park at night, lives in the hands of the monsters and animals alike that roamed the woods? The gods would rather have them arrested than have something be easy.

“You’re kidding, right?” Beckendorf said. “We don’t have to walk all that way?”

(y/n) frowned. She wished more than anything that they could just turn around and leave, a feeling she did not often get on quests. But something didn’t feel right. There was a twist in her gut, a deep intuition that told her something was going to go wrong.

But her gut was also pulling her towards the mountain. There was a power there, unlike any she had felt before, and she wanted to know what it was. 

“We’ll be fine,” she insisted, though she didn’t feel entirely sure herself.

She was the first to make the step towards their darkening fates. If she had known the outcome, she would have turned and fled immediately.

The three of them trudged up the path, flicking on torches when the sky grew darker and the ground in front of them too hard to see. It gave them an eerie glow, entirely unlike the warm glow of their weapons. All of their features were in stark contrast to the dark surroundings; Luke’s cheekbones, Beckendorf’s eyes, her brownbone. It was disconcerting, and it felt all too much like they were the lead characters in a ghost story.

She was considering turning back about halfway there. The tug in her gut was becoming stronger, almost unbearable, and her head was pounding, filled with the worry of the possible incidents that had not happened yet. 

The only thing that kept her going was Luke’s pinky finger wrapped around hers.

Maybe he felt her nerves, so acute that she feared her sinews and tendons and bones could snap at any moment. But Luke knew her. He had known her since they were barely teenagers. He knew her better than she knew herself: every habit she had; every face she made; every hint of a feeling before she knew it was coming. He had some deep understanding of her, one that would have made her feel vulnerable in any other situation with any other person. Luke was not any other person.

His pinky was wrapped around hers tightly, warmer than the rest of her body put together. It curled around hers just so, acknowledging her worry. His jacket sleeve brushed hers.

It wasn’t until they reached the Garden at the foot of the mountain that his hand wrapped around hers fully, encasing it entirely in warmth and comfort. His palms were calloused, fingers ribbed with light scars, but she could not imagine it any other way.

The Garden of the Hesperides was easily the most beautiful place she had ever seen and was likely the most beautiful place she would ever see. Stars hung above them in the night sky, glittering so brightly it was as though they could reach out and touch them with their outstretched fingers. Lush green grass coated the ground beneath their feet and beyond, speckled with flowers so bright they almost glowed in the dark. It was bristling with life, so full of it that (y/n) could feel it all deep in her bones.

But the source of the power lay further afield.

A tree, much taller than the rest, stood at the centre of the garden, boasting more golden apples than (y/n) could count. Its branches swayed in the faint breeze in mesmerising swoops, and the scent of fresh fruit laced with something that could only be described as addictive brushed over them. A faint mist swirled around the trunk of the tree, glittering slightly in the moonlight.

“Holy Hephaestus,” Beckendorf murmured, slack-jawed.

“That’s one big tree,” Luke said. 

“You certainly have a way with words,” (y/n) said.

His hand only squeezed hers in response. She could feel his heartbeat in his wrist. How was it so steady?

There was a shift in the wind, then, and a soft bite came into the air. Goosebumps prickled the skin of their arms, raising the hair there. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it, but she swore she could hear the faintest lull of singing voices and could feel the weight of some large presence in the air. Nothing could be seen but the beautiful garden and the decadent tree in the centre.

“Luke Castellan,” said a soft voice. Luke visibly tensed, eyes narrowing at the usage of his surname. “(y/n) (l/n). Charles Beckendorf. We have been expecting you in our Garden for quite some time now.”

The voice seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere all at once. But, finally, after a few moments, the speaker emerged from the fine mist.

She didn’t look like much, appearing to be barely older than (y/n), but there was something about her surrounding aura that suggested she was much, much older. Dark, inky hair tumbled over narrow tawny shoulders, framing even darker eyes that shone with unknown magic. The woman seemed to blink slowly, as if bored or tired, and it looked as though she were merely floating over the ground rather than walking. It was hard to tell. Her Greek chiton covered her feet.

“We are the Hesperides,” she said, voice ever gentle, as four more women appeared, each almost identical in appearance. “Daughters of the Evening. Nymphs of the Sunset. Protectors of this Garden. What is your business here?”

There was a cockiness to Luke’s smile then, one that had (y/n) on edge. “If you’ve been expecting us, then surely you know our business.”

The lead Hesperide drew nearer, stopping a few feet away from their trio. Her sisters gathered at her sides, dark eyes sparkling with stars and cold curiosity and something overtly bitter. The demigods were clearly unwelcome here, but they intended to make a game of their quest.

(y/n)’s hand squeezed Luke’s in warning. He spared her a glance, her heart drawing still when his warm eyes met hers. His chin dipped slightly in a nod, and he gave her hand a squeeze before turning his attention back to the Hesperides.

“We’ve been sent here on a quest by my father Hermes,” Luke announced. His voice held more confidence than she felt. “We’re here to retrieve a golden apple.”

It was strange watching the Hesperides’ heads tilt in unison as if they were each an extension of the other. Voices lulled around them, soft and gentle, and the worry seeped from her very bones. Her hand fell from Luke’s. Something felt strangely at ease in her stomach despite their circumstances.

“You may try,” said the lead Hesperide. Her skin glimmered like marble in the moonlight. “Our dearest Ladon protects this tree with his life. He does not sleep. Every second of every day, he guards our gift from Gaea, the goddess Hera’s wedding gift. Do not think it will be easy to pass him.”

The Hesperides seemed to fade into the mist, then, their bodies becoming light and transparent as they slowly backed away until nothing was left but the faint singing swirling around them. The voices gave (y/n) a strange feeling, as though pulling her towards the tree.

“Who’s Ladon?” Beckendorf asked.

The three of them stood for a moment, watching the swirling mist.

“A dragon,” (y/n) said. “A big dragon.”

She could feel his presence, she realised. The heavy weight that had settled over them upon entering the Garden, it couldn’t be anything else. Even still, she could feel him through the ground, like an impending sense of death and doom. She’d had similar feelings before, an innate knowledge that the strawberry fields were close to wilting one year. Campers had called her crazy, but she knew. The earth knew.

And it knew now. She was horribly aware of the heaviness in her gut that surrounded the bright power of the apple tree. It could be nothing but Ladon.

“Any ideas, Luke?” she asked. “You’re our idea guy.”

He scoffed. “Since when? You’ve been dragging us around by our ears this entire quest.”

But he could see the nerves that she felt. He knew how strange this was for her, to feel so deeply worried about a quest. He knew something was wrong.

“I’ll get the apple,” he said, and his shoulders rose with confidence. His hand, the one that had held (y/n)’s moments ago, twitched just so. “I’m the fastest out of the three of us. You two, keep our friend distracted.”

There was a deep grumble at that moment, as if Ladon were making himself known. It shook the ground and the boughs of the tree trembled. Sweet-smelling apples tumbled into the mist.

“Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to get the apples?” (y/n) asked. “You brought along a daughter of Demeter for a reason.”

He smiled softly at her. “That’s not the reason I brought you along.”

And, before either she or Beckendorf could protest his stupidity or question his statement, Luke’s glowing sword materialised in his hand and he was running into the mist.

The mist spread apart as his feet made contact, and (y/n)’s heart dropped. Beckendorf, one of the bravest demigods she had ever met despite his age, had a tremor in his hands as he pulled free his sword.

Within the mist was the largest monster (y/n) had ever seen. It was wrapped around the tree in a serpentine-like way, scales glimmering in the moonlight like molten copper and bronze. Massive claws sunk into the dirt surrounding the tree, at least the length of her forearm and as wide as Beckendorf’s. Every breath it released shook the branches of the tree as though caught in a gale.

The most horrifying part: the dragon had a hundred heads.

She had read about Ladon, had familiarised herself with the myths surrounding the Hesperides. Days before the quest, she and Luke had sat down at the canoe lake, poring over old history books that told the tale of Heracles and his Twelve Labours, one of which was the very quest they were being made to repeat. Luke had made a joke of it back then, unhappy with the quest he had been given and disbelieving that what they faced would be much of a threat.

But Ladon was no joke. It was an entirely different thing seeing drawings of the dragon and seeing him in real life. His hundred heads slithered through the air like snakes on the water, luminous yellow eyes watching the demigods with piqued interest. 

Even Luke faltered.

A deep breath came from all two hundred of the dragon’s nostrils, washing over them in a hot, acidic wave. The smell alone was horrendous, like an old, decrepit sewer filled with rotting rats, and it had the hairs on her arms standing and her eyes burning. 

She was worried that she may never be able to move again, frozen in place by the sheer might of Ladon, but when Luke turned to look at her, blood flooded into her veins again. He was counting on her. She wouldn’t let him down.

Ladon expected a frontal assault. He was waiting for Luke to attack, watching like a predator on prey, but he did not expect the very tree he protected to act against him.

With a heave of energy, (y/n) stretched out her arm and watched as the tree’s trunk began to swell as if filling with liquid. Ladon’s serpentine body writhed around it, twisting as he moved to accommodate the growing tree. The branches above him shook, dipping towards the ground slowly. Too slowly.

The dragon seemed to realise what, or who, was causing the change, and snarled ferociously. It was at that moment that Beckendorf grabbed a ball of Celestial bronze from his belt and, with a strong arm and remarkably good aim, threw it at the beast.

An explosion of green ignited before them as the ball slammed into Ladon’s thick hide. The dragon roared, whether in pain or fury, and set its bright gaze on (y/n) and Beckendorf.

Fear coursed through her body. She could hardly breathe. The branches wavered, pausing the pursuit to the ground. Beckendorf launched another one of his Celestial bronze bombs.

A pity quest, that’s what this had been. But, maybe, it was more than that. Maybe this was Hermes’ punishment for Luke wanting more from his life. Maybe this was (y/n)’s consequence for falling so irrevocably in love with Luke - for feeling the way she did, she would have to follow him to impossible circumstances.

But none of them deserved it.

It was at that moment that Luke took his leap.

With speed befitting a child of Hermes, he leapt onto Ladon’s mighty body, feet finding purchase on his rough scales, and launched himself upwards towards the descending branches.

For a moment, there was hope. Even Heracles had not retrieved the apples by facing Ladon, but maybe Luke would. Perhaps Luke would succeed where Heracles had not. Pride swelled in her heart, coated her tongue like warm honey, and she almost smiled.

Copper-coloured claws flashed in the moonlight. A chorus of soft, harmonising voices swirled around them like mist.

Mistake, they sang. The boy has made a mistake.

There was a cry of pain so guttural that (y/n) felt it in her soul. Her feet were moving before she could truly comprehend what was happening. The grass tried to reach for her ankles, tried to stop her in her mission, but nothing could. Had a god stood before her, she would have found her way past them. Nothing could stop her, not even this dragon that caused such fear in her bones.

She reached Luke as Ladon wound around the tree tightly, snarling protectively. Something in the beast’s demeanour hinted at pain beneath the danger, and when she saw the gold blood pooling just a few feet away, she knew why.

A claw, one of Ladon’s, severed from the knuckle down lay strewn in the grass. The dragon hissed as Beckendorf snatched it up, hefting his sword as (y/n) pulled Luke away.

He was bleeding badly. A deep gash ran from the tip of his brow down to the corner of his  mouth, somehow missing his eye but cutting just above and below. His skin was already becoming dangerously pale. Her hands were covered in blood. His blood. She was going to be sick.

“Hey,” she murmured, gently laying his head on her lap. Her hands trembled as she reached into her bag. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

Luke shuddered, eyes half-lidded and struggling to find something to focus on. “Are you -?”

“I’m fine,” she said. After a terrible moment, one that took far too long, she pulled free a small vial of nectar, wrapped tightly in old face-cloths to keep it from smashing in her bag. Her hands couldn’t stop shaking as she tried to unwrap it.

Beckendorf knelt beside her, claw at his side, and took the vial from her hands. She didn’t know how his hands could be so steady. She could hardly breathe. Not with Luke so injured, not with Ladon eyeing them hungrily.

He handed the vial back, and she propped Luke’s head up slightly. With a hiss of pain, she managed to open his mouth just enough to pour the small amount of nectar in. He swallowed with a struggle.

There was no telling how long it would take the nectar to work, but they couldn’t stay there under the watchful glare of Ladon, who looked ready to attack again. (y/n) took a trembling breath.

“Beckendorf,” she said, “are you able to carry him? At least until we can get out of this place. I can try - I can clean the wound when we’re safe.”

He nodded and hoisted Luke up into his arms, careful not to jostle his head too much.

She didn’t realise she had been crying until they stopped.

Beckendorf set Luke down on a soft patch of grass beyond the Garden, and (y/n) tucked her jacket underneath his head. The nectar seemed to be working, albeit slowly. Some colour was returning to his skin, but it was hard to see under all of the blood.

“You’re okay,” she murmured again, but she wasn’t sure who she was telling. She wiped her tears with the back of her hands.

She grabbed one of the face-cloths the vial of nectar had been wrapped in, soaking it in water from her water bottle, and slowly brought it to Luke’s face.

His eyes seemed to have some ability to focus now, watching her beneath a glaze of pain. It tore her soul in half to see him in pain, wincing as she gently dabbed the blood from his cheek. Her fingers were stained. His cheek was, too.

“I’m going to keep watch,” said Beckendorf. “Those Hesperides gave me a bad feeling.”

(y/n) nodded, watching for a moment as he trudged a few feet away, just out of earshot, but her focus soon returned to Luke. She tried not to think too much about how his hand was gripping her knee as she cleaned the rest of the blood.

“Is the nectar working?” she asked when she saw his eyes drooping. “What does it taste like?”

His gaze found hers, warm and cloudy. A pained smile fought its way onto his lips despite the slowly-healing scar on his cheek. She could see the skin trying to sew itself back together with the aid of the nectar.

“That smoothie you made a few months back with the - with the camp’s strawberries,” he uttered. “And whatever those green leaves were.”

She found herself smiling despite the red coating her hands. “Mint. And it was that good, huh? Last I checked, nectar for you tasted like that weird concoction of Coke and Sprite you liked so much.”

For a moment, his eyes grew distant before refocusing on her face. They flickered over her features as if seeing them for the first time. His hand felt awfully warm on her knee.

“Anything you make is better,” he said. 

“Is that so?” She brushed his hair back from his face softly, cleaning the last bits of blood.

His skin was still stitching itself back together, but the nectar seemed to have stopped the bleeding. Second by second, blood flooded back into his face, giving him the colour that seemed to have been leached from his skin.

He nodded, his smile seeming as though it pained him less. His hand slipped from her knee, coming up to wrap itself around hers. The cloth fell from her fingers and onto the grass. Her fingers were still wet, though in the dim light she couldn’t tell if it was from water or lingering blood. She didn’t have the stomach to find out.

“You said you didn’t bring me on this quest because of my mother,” she said cautiously. Her heart was pounding in her chest. “So why did you?”

A soft squeeze of her hand. “This wasn’t a quest I wanted to do without you,” he said. “I like having you by my side. You give me strength.”

She was sure he could feel her pulse beating rapidly in her fingers, but he didn’t say anything about it. He didn’t need to. It was entirely likely that he was able to read her mind, he knew her so well. And she was okay with that.

“You’re stupid, you know,” she said, but her voice wavered.

“Stupidly brave?” he suggested. “Stupidly handsome? Stupidly charming?”

“I’m supposed to be supporting you right now,” she grumbled. “Not the other way around.”

His cocky grin was back and her heart fluttered. “Which one is it?”

“Which what?”

“Stupidly brave, handsome, or charming?”

All three, she thought. All three and so much more.

“Stupidly stupid,” she decided. 

Her thumb grazed his cheekbone, the one without the scar, and a shiver ran through his body. His hand tightened on hers and his smile softened into something more personal. It was the kind of smile she would have leapt into Tartarus to ensure its permanence on his lips. Soft and kind and reserved just for her. If she'd been standing, her knees would have buckled.

“You give me strength, too,” she murmured.

A sliver of hair slipped in front of her eyes, and moments later, Luke’s free hand was there, gently brushing it away. His eyes sparkled. They seemed clearer now, less agonised.

The events of the last hour - gods, it had felt like much longer - came crashing back onto her at his touch, asphyxiating and terrifying. Overwhelming guilt filled her veins and arteries with terrible speed, sapping all the strength from her bones. Her fingers trembled once more.

“I’m sorry,” she said. Her throat felt suddenly raw. “If I’d done a better job distracting Ladon, maybe you wouldn’t be hurt.”

Luke’s eyes were dark for a moment, swirling with something she couldn’t identify, but they softened seconds later. His hand rested on her cheek, warm and comforting, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at his eyes now.

“This is not your fault,” he said, and his voice was remarkably strong. “This is the gods’ fault. It’s my father’s fault. But it is not your fault.”

She tried to believe him, truly she did, but looking at the fresh scar on his face, even having been almost entirely healed with nectar, had her heart heavy in her chest. 

He knew this. Gods, he knew her every thought. His hand slipped from hers, cupping her other cheek and tilting her head so that she would look at him properly. There was a flush to his cheeks now - good, it meant he was getting better. 

“My father did this,” he insisted. “You hear me? This was not you. And, gods, believe me when I say that I’m glad it was me that went for the apples and not you. I couldn’t live with myself if you got injured.”

But you did, she wanted to say - no, scream. How do I live with that?

“I’m okay,” he said softly, cautiously, as if talking to a child who had just woken from a nightmare. “I’m okay.”

His hand fell from her face, taking hers in its grip once more, and placed her fingers on the newly formed scar.

She jerked back, terrified that the sensation would cause him more pain, but he just gave her that smile again, the one that made her knees feel like jelly, and pressed her fingers to it once more. Already, the skin was raised and slightly twisted, accommodating for the injury. She could faintly feel his pulse beneath his skin, slow and infuriatingly steady.

“It doesn't hurt,” he promised. His voice was so reassuring that she could feel it in her bones, and she was half-convinced he was secretly a child of Aphrodite, blessed with charmspeak. “I’m okay because of you.”

Her throat was achy. “And Beckendorf.”

He gave a small laugh. “And Beckendorf. But mainly you. You’ve given me strength.”

It was then that the world itself seemed to stop. He was leaning upwards, bringing her face close to his, and his lips brushed hers so softly that she feared she may have been dreaming the entire encounter.

She could taste the faint remnants of metallic blood, though it was easily brushed aside. Luke’s lips were slightly wind-chapped but she found herself uncaring when they slotted perfectly against hers.

This kiss was something she had been waiting years for, and it was better than she could have ever dreamed. The feeling of his hands on her, his lips against hers, it was something that could not be replicated in a dream, like flying for the first time and feeling the clouds beneath your fingers.

It was addictive, more so than the stupid apples that had caused Luke such pain, and she found herself wanting more. It was an effort to pull away from him, but eventually, she did. Beckendorf was only a few feet away and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. It would make for an awkward journey home.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” Luke murmured.

Finally, there was a smile tugging on her lips again. “You’ve no idea how long I’ve been waiting.”

It took another hour or so before Luke was well enough to get moving. The dark trails gave all of them a bad feeling, and (y/n) wasn’t able to shake the almost hypnotic choral voices of the Hesperides until they were out of the State Park. Luke was shaky on his feet for a little while but his strength was returning.

And with it came anger.

Not anger at (y/n) or Beckendorf, no. He still smiled at them as usual, fingers entwined with (y/n)’s so tightly it was as though he was afraid she would slip away. Jokes still slipped past his lips despite the events of the evening.

But he was filled with fiery rage. It was hidden, but (y/n) could read him like a book. She had seen the inklings of it throughout the previous days of their quest, had seen it more clearly while she was cleaning the blood from his face - this anger, though, was pure. Harder to mask.

He had already been furious with his quest, a detail he had tried to keep hidden from her. He hated the idea of repeating history and the fact that this quest was simply made to satiate him, to prevent him from growing restless at camp and questioning the authority of the gods.

This was a breaking point.

It became clearer the more time passed. As the days and weeks went by, he would hold her hand like a lifeline and kiss her so softly it felt as though she was dreaming, but the anger never left. It ate away at him, dimming his smiles and reducing any respect he had left for the gods until there was nothing left but a shadow of what had once been there.

The scar never faded. It became a reminder of what he believed to be the gods’ failure. His failure.

He was still her Luke. The Luke she had known and loved since she was thirteen. She was just terrified of what he might become.

[distinguishedstudentfishalien]

AHHH ok, let's talk about Lucifer and Alastor

I've been reading a lot of reactions to Hazbin: from the gushers who think the show is perfect to the hyper-critical who hate the show, the creator, and everything in between. I don't fall into any of those categories. I had a lot of fun watching it, but there were some things I liked, and some others I didn't. You know, as it's usually the case with any piece of media one interacts with.

I love reading other people's opinions. It makes me pay more attention to things I might have missed. BUT for Hazbin, most of the criticism I've seen boils down to two things: either "I, personally, didn't like it, so that means it's bad" which is not the hot take people seem to think it is, or just lack of media literacy.

I won't go over all the examples of that last point (there are plenty), but one example people are using to criticize the show --which I can't seem to get out of my head so now I have to write about it-- it's how out of left field it was for Alastor to think of himself as a father figure to Charlie.

My guys and guysettes, that's because he doesn't.

He does it to piss off Lucifer, because he doesn't like him. That's it.

"But they just met, why doesn't he like him?" I don't know! but let's go over some examples, shall we?

In the first episode, during Alastor's TV ad, we see a picture of the hotel, clearly drawn by him. I ask you to look to the bottom left where it says "No tacky circus decor! I promise"

Do we know what he is referring to? Sure we do! the ring circus master himself! Lucifer Morningstar, whose whole schtick is circus-related. Clearly, Alastor is not a fan.

When Lucifer arrives to the hotel, did anybody catch Alastor's first reaction? (besides calling him short to his face, ofc)

Do you see that trembling eye? He is PISSED. Why? Who the hell knows! But he clearly does not care for the King of Hell himself (if you force me to give you my opinion on this, I think it's because of Alastor's delusions of grandeur, and plain-ole narcissism, but that is a conversation for another post, if I ever gather enough energy to write it)

He introduces himself and immediately does this. R-U-D-E.

Now, let's talk about the song itself, which, again, is clearly just an attempt to piss off Lucifer and not really about Charlie. At all.

He only cares about Lucifer's reactions. Because he is not being HONEST. We can all see that? right?? I mean, it is pretty FREAKING obvious. He is just trying to get a rise out of Lucifer.

And now, the moment we were all waiting for, the infamous "call me dad" moment.

Which had nothing to do with Charlie, and it was just another example of Alastor being the most annoying bastard alive. He is not even looking at her! He is staring Lucifer dead in the eye and saying "piss off shortie".

Why? Again, I dunno. Your guess is as good as mine. I hope we'll get the answer in season 2, because immediate animosity against the King of Hell himself is something I need some context for. Is it funny? Absolutely! I love that song! The violin solo? PURE GOLD (he he)

But for the love of Christ and the Antichrist, please stop thinking of "Alastor thinks of himself as Charlie's dad out of nowhere" as a valid criticism. As some have speculated, Alastor involvement with Charlie will probably have something to do with Alastor's deal and 7-year absence. If it's never explained, then sure, what the heck Vivzie?? please include it on the show!

There are PLENTY of things we could criticize about Hazbin (and people smarter and with more energy than me have done so already). But there are so many examples of "criticism" that are just examples of "I don't know how to interact with media anymore" and I beg of you to do better. This is a tiny example of the show showing and not telling, and some of y'all failed the comprehension test.

It is a fun show, guys. Enjoy it.

TL;DR: Alastor does not think he is Charlie's dad, ffs. He just wanted to piss off Lucifer.

[pastryjay]

I know some OFMD fans have become more biased against Izzy content, Izzy fans, and Con himself due to two years of discourse, and I get it, but that is not an excuse for this. Some people have to be more careful/ respectful of the way they talk about Con O'Neill.

Context: he streamed a workshop about creative insults titled 'How To f*ck off with Con O'Neill'. This was explicitly stated to be for people 18+ only. At one point, he was seen briefly wearing only boxer shorts and a t-shirt in his own home. This was in a non-sexual context - he was just sitting down. Now, he's being called out for sexual harrassment and indecent exposure because of that.

Firstly, i'd like to say that anybody loudly offended by this 'incident' has made it clear that they didn't attend the workshop, and those who did attend are fine with it. The Venn diagram of people who wanted to attend that event and people who love Con's cheeky humour is a circle. Con knows his audience and his audience know him. You, random person who doesn't like Con much anyway, don't have to like it but it making you uncomfortable doesn't mean it is morally wrong.

It's important to note that Con O'Neill is open about being queer and proud about that. He is not shy about his sexuality or willing to censor his queerness e.g. he's not afraid to make suggestive (but not overly explicit) jokes or show his support for queer fanart. That is a good thing! It reeks of homophobia seeing him getting accused of being perverted just for existing as himself. It's not the first time either. In the past, OFMD fans have called him gross, a freak and creepy for sharing suggestive fanart to his Instagram.

It's wild to see all the focus on a cheeky, harmless moment when there are so, so many real issues in the world. Countless people are out there committing real sexual harrassment daily. Focusing on this queer man over nothing is dangerous. Accusing queer people of preying on those around them just by existing is literally right-wing rhetoric. Especially as there is a bigger push than ever from right-wing politicians to paint queer people as dangerous predators. Censorship, homophobia and puritanism is not welcome in the fandom for a show about queer joy.

Lastly, To the people mad about this: Why are you fine with anybody posting thirst traps online or people existing in swimwear in public, but you cry about 'not consenting' to seeing a queer man in boxer shorts and a shirt? Why are you upset about Con doing this, but love it when Rhys Darby posts shirtless photos to his Insta stories for fans? Why is it okay for most people to be comfortable in their sexuality/ their own body... but not Con?

I know the kind of people who need to see this probably won't take any of it on board, but it is really uncomfortable to see the way some people are talking. If many people like myself (I have been very critical of some Izzy fans and mostly avoid Izzy content) disagree with you, maybe you should re-think what you are saying.