#and i have a music theory test on monday

[sheltoner]

3 tests tmrw and i’ve barely studied for any of them 😛

[munson-blurbs]

Living After Midnight (Failed Rockstar!Eddie x Motel Worker!Reader)

♫ Summary: Apologies were in order when Eddie's true whereabouts were revealed, but would a rainy evening bring forgiveness or an even harsher storm? (4.6k words)

♫ CW: slowburn, strangers-to-lovers, angst, misunderstanding, anxiety, self-deprication, parental conflict, poverty, jealousy, brief touching, eventual smut (18+ only, minors DNI)

♫ Divider credit to @hellfire--cult

chapter eight: mind your own business

A simple conversation changed everything.

Admittedly, it was not your conversation, but one you had eavesdropped on. 

You had turned in the final exam for your Experimental Psych class, ruminating over any possible wrong answers as soon as your paper touched the pile on your professor’s desk. Did you get an abnormal amount of Cs in the multiple-choice section? Were your short answers detailed enough?

And then you overheard two guys talking in the hall, one sounding like he’d just chain-smoked a carton of cigarettes. 

“Dude, what the fuck happened to your voice?”

“Lost it at a concert the other night. Totally worth it, though.”

“What concert?”

“Death’s Echo.”

You froze, hoping your sudden stop didn’t draw any attention to you. Death’s Echo had a concert? Where was it? Is that where Eddie was on Monday night?

Potential exam mistakes forgotten, you strode over to the guys on a quest for information. “Excuse me.” Your lips curved into your best customer service smile. “Did you say you saw Death’s Echo?”

The hoarse-voiced one nodded. “Yeah, why? You like them?” His eyes narrowed in assessment; you clearly didn’t embody his expectations of a punk music fan. A fair enough judgment, because you certainly weren’t. 

“Where did they play?” You pressed, ignoring his question. 

“Webster Hall,” he coughed, and his buddy laughed at his apparent pain. “You listen to them?”

“Yup,” you lied easily, not wanting to stick around and have him find out why a “fan” didn’t even know about a local gig. “Um, feel better!” You hurried out of the building, head spinning with this newfound knowledge. 

Webster Hall. It was just over an hour to get there, which meant that the concert must have started late; a practice not unheard of for more up-and-coming bands. The prime time slots went to the headliners who brought in the most money. 

If Eddie had gone to the concert on Monday, why wouldn’t he tell you? Did he think you’d be angry? Disappointed?

Or maybe he just didn’t want you to know he was blowing off work for a concert, you reasoned, and your opinion beyond that is irrelevant. 

Should you ask him about it tonight? Could you? He might hole himself up in his room, ignoring your knocks and only coming out after your shift.

Maybe that was for the best. 

His harsh words from last night continued rattling around your brain, barely taking a reprieve during the test. Honestly, you were grateful you wrote down actual psychological terminology instead of I am a total hypocrite over and over until self-deprecation filled the pages. 

Tomorrow was your last official day of your undergraduate career, your own personal deadline for confessing the truth to your parents, and yet you were no closer to being ready than you were when you first made that silent promise. 

The problem spun a web woven from neurons and synapses, its delicate threads slowly taking over your mind and catching the most daunting tasks. 

NYU Essay revisions Graduation The motel Eisen’s Eddie

Too much. It was all too much, but you couldn’t shake them from their entrapment. You wanted to squeeze your eyes shut and only open them once everything had been resolved. 

You had a fleeting thought of boarding the bus and remaining seated as it rolled past the motel, leaving it all behind and reclaiming your sanity. Running away was always an option, in theory; realistically, you would be overwrought with guilt before the bus made it to the next stop. 

What you’d once considered loyalty was now stained with splotches of cowardice. 

Maybe one day, you would be able to see yourself the way you wanted to be seen: as a trailblazer, a go-getter, a woman in pursuit of her dreams. 

Today was not that day. 

Rain streamed down from the clouds in thick sheets as though compensating for the week’s idle threats of stormy weather. It pelted against the motel’s windows like a steady drumbeat that wouldn’t be drowned out by your clock radio cranked up to its maximum volume. 

Darkness loomed in the night sky, heavier than usual. Wind accompanied the rain, jostling the power lines and making the lights flicker. 

If the electricity went out tonight…

You couldn’t finish that thought, not when the front door swung open to reveal Eddie, drenched from head to toe. His curls clung to his forehead, his cheeks, the back and sides of his neck; his chest heaved beneath a faded Black Sabbath t-shirt that was saturated with rainwater. 

He stood in the doorway for a moment, unmoving and catching his breath. 

This was your chance to apologize. To admit what you know—what you might know. The timing of the Death’s Echo concert could have been a coincidence, but your intuition told you it wasn’t. 

Another awkward smile that didn’t reach his eyes, a tentative “hey,” and he was trudging past you without attempting to stop.

Opportunity went as quickly as it came. Every word you had planned had been scrambled like a tornado swept through your brain and left gibberish-laden debris. 

The version of you that had confidently confronted him about smoking pot a few weeks ago would have scoffed at the way you failed to utter a simple apology. But this was much more complex. 

Eddie’s forgiveness—if he forgave you—was only half of the battle. His blatantly false accusations about your work ethic had cut too deep to ignore. 

Did he really think that little of you? Or was that his own defensiveness rearing its ugly head and taking over?

Then came a cry from down the hall.

“Of fuckin’ course!” Eddie boomed loud enough to be heard beyond his closed door. “Goddammit!”

You abandoned the desk, grabbing your essay papers and bolting to his room. He was at the window, violently pushing down on the pane, but it remained open. The shirt he’d been wearing earlier laid right next to the door as though he’d peeled it off as soon as he stepped into the room. 

Your eyes landed on the dusting of hair that was now plastered to his pecs, another effect from the weather, the soft brown tendrils partially obscured by his demon head tattoo. 

This wasn’t the first time you’d seen him bare-chested. The night he had arrived, he answered your knock in only his Calvin Klein boxers. He was wearing Fruit of the Loom tonight, the elastic waistband exposed from the weight of his rain-sodden jeans. 

Heat burned in your belly, a sensation you hadn’t experienced in a long while. 

“Little help?” Eddie grunted impatiently, and you nodded, tossing the essay onto his nightstand among a sea of his own handwritten papers. 

Had he caught you staring? 

He moved over, bringing both of his hands to the right side so you could press both of yours to the left. The combined force was enough to smack it closed, the resulting burst of wind sending the papers airborne. They floated to the ground, paragraph-laden parachutes, but all you could focus on was the patch of carpet beneath you. It was completely soaked, visibly darker where the rain had seeped in, and it squelched under your sneakers.

“I’ll grab towels.” You started towards the door, pausing to scoop up a sheet of looseleaf that had landed near your feet. It was obviously Eddie’s; his was not as meticulously curated as yours, full of scratch-outs and barely legible, but the words you could make out were enough to pique your interest.

Want what I can’t have

She’s got me mixed fucked mixed up

You couldn’t read any more of it without him noticing, and you certainly did not want to get caught snooping after upsetting him, so you placed it on the bed as casually as you could.

There were extra towels stored in the supply closet, and you jogged back to the lobby, mentally calculating how many you’d need to sop up the mess. Taking as many as you could carry, you perched your chin atop the oversized pile and lumbered into Eddie’s room, dropping them to the ground. 

To your dismay, he had put on a new shirt, but it did nothing to temper your thoughts of running your fingertips over his inked skin. 

The air was now rife with the scent of burning tobacco, the cigarette between Eddie’s lips already smoked halfway to the filter.

“Thanks.” It was muffled and gruff, hardly an olive branch, but it was enough to tug the corners of your mouth in a tepid smile.

You wanted to stay, wanted to ask about what he had been writing, but Eddie snatched up your essay papers from where they’d scattered before you could ask. He shoved them towards you, leaving the edges creased where they crinkled under his grip. 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t vandalize them,” he sneered. A gray cloud whorled from his lips as he spoke, but it didn’t hide his sarcastic grin. 

You steeled your gaze and forced yourself to look just above the glowing ember and into his eyes. “I’m sorry.” You let your apology float downwards, watching for any indication of a softening expression, but he remained tense. 

“You didn’t even bother asking where I was,” he spit. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, less abrasive this time. “I assumed...because you were so mean to Ben…” Any further explanation felt too much like an excuse, so you left the sentence unfinished.

Eddie’s chest deflated slightly, his bravado extinguished. He’d been expecting a fight, you realized. 

You refused to give him one. 

“Were you at Webster Hall?” Your voice deliberately turned up at the end, careful to pose it as a question rather than a declaration. Certainly not as an accusation. 

Eddie flinched, his forefinger and thumb quickly pinching his cigarette to keep it from falling. “What?”

“Monday night,” you said. You pushed your right foot into the mound of towels, hit with a sudden bout of antsiness. “Was your errand seeing Death’s Echo play at Webster Hall?”

He said nothing, just looked at you. Really looked at you, assessing whether or not you deserved to know the truth. 

The admission came out gradually, as if it was being met with resistance, pulled from a place so deep he had forgotten its existence. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

Eddie took another drag from his cigarette. He held the smoke in his lungs until forced out with a cough. “Wanted to hear how they sounded with their new, ah, frontman.”

Lower lip tucked snugly beneath your front teeth, you nodded. “And how did they sound?”

“Great. Really fuckin’ great.” His wry smile held more sadness than amusement. “Better than when I was with them.”

Your heart lurched. Without thinking, you reached out and took his hand, giving it just a little squeeze before letting go. “I know that’s not true,” you said. “I heard you playing on Sunday, and you’re good, Eddie. Not just anyone could pull off playing Metallica without an amp, but you did.” 

You wished he could see himself from your perspective, see the man whose talent was too vast for a dingy subway station, whose music deserved to be heard by sold-out crowds at The Garden.

Eddie didn’t agree, but he didn’t disagree, either. His face remained neutral, and given the circumstances, you considered that a win.

“I can work tonight. Hang the new wallpaper.” A lightning-speed subject change, but you were becoming accustomed to seamlessly shifting tracks to follow his train of thought. “I’ll be back out as soon as I finish this.” He lifted the cigarette to his mouth again and you nodded, closing the door behind you.

Part of you expected him not to return. If his brain worked like yours, he would overthink the conversation, replaying it over and over until he’d wrung out all the positives and left it saturated with the negatives. He’d opt to stay in his room and smoke out his pack, leaving the wallpaper job unfinished. But you heard the door hinge creak and his footsteps pattering into the lobby.

One thousand words flooded your brain to form myriad sentences, from a joking long time, no see to a much more serious who were you writing about?

Ben thought Eddie had feelings for you, ones that stretched past the platonic confines. But he’d only met him once, briefly. He didn’t really know him. 

Want what I can’t have She’s got me mixed up

Did you really know him?

Eddie had an endless list of things he couldn’t have, which often was the case for people facing poverty. As for the girl who had him mixed up, you couldn’t narrow that down, either. The only women you’d seen him interact with were Phyllis (an unlikely muse, but it wouldn’t be the most bizarre case of unrequited love you’d ever heard of), your mom (again, not likely), and you. 

There was no doubt you had him mixed up. Maybe even fucked up, as he’d written and crossed out. But had you had enough of an effect on him to warrant poetry or song lyrics–

Song lyrics.

It all clicked into place: The band; more specifically, the drummer who happened to be his ex-girlfriend. He’d gone to see them play. He could have spoken to her, and maybe realized that a spark was still present. A real spark, not whatever pathetic flicker you might have felt that night when he’d held your hand as you removed wallpaper, or when you’d exchanged gentle touches after his unfortunate wasp’s nest encounter, or when he’d loomed over you in the subway car and a delicate dip in your belly made itself known.

You decided that this explanation, the one in which you had little to no involvement, held the most logic. His inspiration was his past love–potentially his current love–and your argument was a mere distraction from a much more complicated situation.

A natural silence fell over the lobby, a healing balm over the wound you’d taken turns picking at and reopening. It was the perfect setting to finish editing your essay, and yet you found the task impossible. Any threatening grammatical errors paled in comparison to the slight movements of Eddie’s back muscles, visible through his white cotton shirt as he smoothed down the wallpaper panels. 

The pronounced flex of his tricep as he drove the paper cutter above the moldings with utter precision. 

The soft grunt that escaped his lips as he pressed on his thighs to stand up and admire his handiwork. 

You didn’t know how long you’d been staring at him before the slamming front door snapped you out of it. 

“L-Looks good,” you managed, throat suddenly bone-dry. 

Eddie crossed his arms, took a small step back, and nodded. Wide brown eyes scoured the wall for any uneven edges or unglued seams, his lips pursed in concentration. “Not my best work but, uh, it’ll do.” He smirked at you, then jutted his chin to your left.

A middle-age man stood beside the desk, rainwater dripping off of the slope of his nose. He held an umbrella, turned inside out and rendered useless by the wind. 

“Sign out front says ‘vacancy.’” He grumbled and swiped at his bushy eyebrows, revealing a sliver of beer gut when he raised his arm. “Just need a room for the night.”

“Mhm, of course.” You found your footing with a polite smile and collected the stranger’s money, just as you always had, just as you were supposed to. Because you were at work, and that was your job–not watching Eddie hang wallpaper.

As you scanned the wall behind you for a key, a warm whisper tickled your ear, breath tinged with a smoky aroma. A shiver reflexively wiggled down your spine as Eddie spoke, your body unused to this level of proximity.

“Put him away from my room. He looks like a snorer.”

You tucked your lips into your mouth to stifle your laughter. Eddie was right; you weren’t quite sure what it was about the man, but he did look like he snored. Loudly. 

You meant to look over your paper after your shift, but sleep was too seductive to resist. Just one more day, one more final exam, and then you were done. At least until August. 

Summer stretched before you, and though you would still be spending nights behind the desk, your days were wide open. 

Days that might be spent alongside Eddie. 

There was no formal apology from him last night, a fact that nagged at you throughout the bus ride to school and prevented you from looking past the first page of your essay. That, and the burdens of shame both you and Eddie carried: yours from the blatantly wrong accusation, his from…what, exactly? Why was he embarrassed to tell you where he’d been?

The wound was still too raw last night to press on it, to ask further questions; instead, you kept the conversation light and airy. The only foray into dangerous territory came from Eddie himself when he asked about the vandalism at Eisen’s. You couldn’t answer fast enough before clumsily pivoting the discussion to the warming weather.

And maybe it was your inner people pleaser that craved reconciliation, needed it to unfurl and bloom like a budding rose, that lowered your guard and bade you to talk with him. But people-pleasing didn’t explain the warmth that crept through your body, lazily winding through your veins, when he laughed at your jokes.

That laugh–the gentle nose scrunch it evoked, the lightheartedness it exuded, how it chiseled away at the remaining iciness between you. It was all you thought about that night, your heart relaxing as the friendship was no longer in limbo. 

But when you got to class and flipped through your essay one last time, that newfound homeostasis meant nothing. Yes, there were ten pages present and ready to be stapled, but unless your conclusion focused on angsty song lyrics, you were missing the final page.

Dread’s chill pricked at you, followed by an overbearing wash of heat. The granola bar you’d scarfed down threatened to make a reappearance. 

Stupid. How could I have been so careless? All I had to do was check before I left home, but I was too busy thinking about Eddie to do the bare minimum.

It was a bad dream; you’d wake up and find yourself in bed with your full essay safely stored in your bag. All you had to do was wake up and page ten would be a continuation of psychological development in infancy. 

Your eyes opened hopefully, but you were still in the classroom, and the page still beared Eddie’s sloppy scrawl:

I’m the castle She’s the queen Can’t be a king I’m too obscene

The lyrics a few lines down stopped mid-sentence:

Crushed beneath a broken dream Failed to launch now I

You were wasting precious time. If you left now, you could probably make it home and back before the professor left. You’d have to fork over the money for a dollar cab and forgo your afternoon coffee, but it was a sacrifice you needed to make. 

Stupid stupid stupid—

Your name being called drew you from your pit of self-loathing. It wasn’t Nora; the voice was too masculine and too far away for it to come from beside you. 

It was someone with the same name. Just a coincidence. 

And then you heard it again. Loud enough so it echoed down the hall, but not frantic. And yet your heart fluttered in your chest. 

Eddie. 

There was no way; he couldn’t be—

You squeezed past Nora and thundered towards the door, trying to quell your hopes before they rose too high. 

But there he stood, sweat pasting his hair to his forehead. His chest heaved beneath a white cotton undershirt that was tight around the biceps. Deep brown eyes lit up when he spotted you in the doorway, his lips curving in a triumphant smile. 

“I have your paper!” Sure enough, your conclusion paragraph was clenched in his calloused hand.

You could have cried with relief. Fueled by gratefulness and residual adrenaline, you flung your arms around him. Your hands found his back muscles; at first tensed, almost reflexively, but quickly relaxed. The paper crinkling between your torsos jarred you out of the moment, and you took a step back before he could return the gesture—if he even would have. 

“Sorry, I…” Words suddenly evaded you, eviscerated by the musky scent of his deodorant. He didn’t appear to be uncomfortable, all soft doe eyes and lazy grins from his unlikely heroism, but…still. Your relationship now teetered between employee and friend, and you couldn’t afford to knock it off-balance. “How did you get here so fast? And how did you find me?”

Eddie exhaled a chuckle. “Took a cab. And when I got here, I asked every other person where the psychology classes were.”

“You walked from where the dollar cab dropped you off?” How many blocks was that? No wonder he was sweating. 

His cheeks, already flushed from exertion, tinged a deeper shade of pink. “N-No, I, um…it was a regular cab.”

Sheer disbelief widened your eyes. He must have dipped into his meager savings to shell out the money for an actual cab, putting him even farther behind in his journey home. 

“I…” There were one thousand ways to finish your sentence. 

I can pay you back. 

I can’t believe you did this for me. 

I am so sorry I ever doubted your character. 

I wish we’d hugged just a moment longer. 

You finally settled on a string of words that required no courage at all, just a genuine thankful smile. “I have your lyrics. Let me turn in my paper and I’ll grab them for you.”

Eddie’s timid expression shifted into one of amusement. “Shit, yeah,” he said with a laugh. “Was wondering where those went.”

Opportunity splayed out in front of you, tempting you to ask him about the woman who had him mixed up. Every cell in your body ached to know if she was the same queen he’d placed on a royal pedestal, unattainable despite his valiant efforts. 

Was it fear or politeness that held your tongue? You weren’t supposed to see the lyrics in the first place; how could you justify your questions? Sorry I read your innermost thoughts without permission, but could I pick your brain about them?

Any doubts about your intentions were confirmed when he took the page from you, cocked his head, and asked: “What’d you think?”

There it was. Your opening. You could see it, practically touch it, your fingertips brushing the chance to admit that the songs’ mysterious inspiration gnawed at you—

But then he might ask why you wanted to know. And, quite honestly, you lacked the energy to figure it out for yourself. The desire was too strong to be nosiness, too personal to be gossip. 

Not to mention the inexplicable sourness that burned your esophagus when you’d considered the high probability that he’d written them about his ex-girlfriend. 

“Really good,” you managed. “I can’t wait for the finished product.”

Coward. 

“Me, too,” he agreed with a laugh. “I’m sure the folks at the train station are dying to hear it.”

“The rats’ll give you a standing ovation.”

He snickered. “My biggest fans.” 

A hand squeezing yours prevented you from getting lost in the slight dimple that appeared when he smiled. Nora now stood beside you, expression innocuous to Eddie or any other man, but her dark brown eyes silently asked, are you okay?

I’m fine, you replied with a squeeze of your own, grateful for someone who swooped in seeing you with a man she didn’t know.

“Nora, this is Eddie,” you introduced her. “He’s–he’s my friend who’s been helping us out around the motel. Eddie, this is Nora, best friend and study buddy extraordinaire.”

“Ahh, Wallpaper Boy.” Nora furrowed a brow. “You go to school here?”

Eddie cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. “No, I…she left her paper, so…” He trailed off as though embarrassed by his chivalry. 

“So now she can graduate!” Nora wrapped you in an embrace so tight that you briefly worried about your shoulder dislocating. She leaned in knowingly, her tone teasing with an air of seriousness. “And keep me company at the ceremony, right?”

You rolled your eyes, acutely aware that Eddie was watching the entire interaction. The last thing you wanted was attention drawn to the fact that you weren’t attending graduation. “Maybe,” was all you said, and Nora left it at that.

There was an awkward beat before anyone spoke again, and it was Eddie who eventually filled the silence. “Heading home now?” He asked you, already starting towards the building’s doors. 

“No, I’m going to Eisen’s. I promised Ben that I’d help clean the graffiti.” You braced yourself for a volatile reaction, or at least something akin to annoyance, but his response was more surprising than any snarky remark. 

“I’ll come with.”

Cocking a disbelieving brow, you did your best to keep your tone free of judgment. You were waiting for the gotcha, but you couldn’t let him know that. “Seriously?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, why not? I’ve got the day free, and I have some…expertise in graffiti removal.” He relented with a shrug when you and Nora exchanged curious glances, a hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. “My trailer got hit a time or twelve back in the day. The tragic life of a Satan-worshiping freak, y’know?”

“But I bet the vandalizers were upstanding citizens.”

“Keys to the city and everything.” Eddie stuck out his hand, palm up, and you could see the details etched into his pale skin. Calluses decorated the pads of his fingers; you’d assumed they were mostly from guitar playing, but now you could add physical labor to their origins. He looked down at his hand, then back at you. “Shall we?”

Your own hands were suddenly slick with anxious perspiration, like a middle school student on her first-ever date. Even that juvenile scenario held more significance than this—two friends scrubbing down a hardware store was a far cry from the Sandra Brown romance novels you secretly devoured in high school. 

And yet, you felt it—that soft electricity that crackled through your whorls of fingerprints when you slid your palm against his, the jolt of energy as he tugged you forward and laced his fingers with yours. If he noticed the nervousness that embarrassing seeped from your pores, he didn’t mention it. 

Nora, ever astute, excused herself with a story about not wanting to miss the bus, but not before whispering in your ear, “he’s cute.” An approval that would almost certainly be followed up with a phone call later to discuss the fine details of the afternoon’s escapades. 

There are no ‘escapades,’ you reminded yourself. You’re removing graffiti, not embarking on a Parisian vacation. 

Eddie led the way until he reached the building’s doors, blinking as his eyes once again adjusted to the sunlight. “I, uh, I have no idea where we’re going.”

You laughed at his candor. “Follow me.”

It was an opportunity to break the grasp, to unleash the anxiety that threatened to cleave you and Eddie back into two separate pieces. He was dangerous because he was temporary; if you allowed him in even farther than you already had—beyond the confines of friendship—his inevitable departure would destroy you. 

Let go. Let go. Let. Go. 

And yet you kept holding on, adjusting only to take the lead. Eddie’s thumb brushed against yours, pausing just at the knuckle to press down in subtle acknowledgment. 

Hi. 

You pressed back with an accompanying smile. 

Hi. 

This time when you reached the subway station, you both jumped the turnstile. 

--

taglist (now closed ♥):

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[guqslvr]

my study / homework schedule to enter my hermione era 💘

monday - 3.10pm - 5pm (1hr 50mins)

study at library. on mondays i do maths weekly and nightly homework, some chemistry revision, and read at least 50 pages !

tuesday - 4.00pm - 6.15pm (2hrs 15mins)

study at home. on tuesdays i do maths nightly homework, go over my maths weekly homework, some physics revision, and read at least 30 pages !

wednesday - 6.30pm - 7.45pm (1hr 15mins)

study at home. on wednesdays i do maths nightly homework, any science homework that i have, (physics, biology, chemistry), biology revision, and read at least 30 pages !

thursday - 6.30pm - 8.15pm (1hr 45mins)

study at home. on thursdays i do maths nightly homework, any english or philosophy homework, i practice music theory and pieces, and i practice my spelling to make sure everything is correct!

friday - sunday i tend to have a break if i don’t have a test for, but occasionally i use fridays to practice a language or learn about something i like ! on these days i try to read 60 pages a day 💘

[lifenconcepts]

SONGS I LIKE

because I have banger tunes in my head always. In no order at all!

Living in a Dream - Pseudo Echo

Waiting For the Ghost Train - Madness

People are strange - The Doors

Awake - Electric Guest

Chauffeur - Duran Duran

Elegant Aliens - Blood Culture

Opium Eaters - Madness

Cheek to Cheek - Taco

Enjoy The Silence - Depeche Mode

Destination Unknown - Pseudo Echo

Forever - Angels & Agony

Sound of Silence - Simon & Garfunkel

Struck By Lightning - Toto

Listening - Pseudo Echo

Rock You like a Hurricane - Scorpions

When dawn arrives - Madness

Grey Day - Madness

Come Back Down - Trevor Something

Avtomobili - Vesyoliye Rebyata

Mime’s song - VITAS

Romantica Megapolisa - Bioconstructor

Spam - Daiitye Tank

Zero - Kofe

Moi Adress sovetskii soyuz

Stranger In Me - Pseudo Echo

Voice - Ultravox

Daydream - Narvent

Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles (both of and strings only version)

First Woe - Ofdream

Devil’s Train - The Lab Rats

How Soon Is Now

King of lullaby - Eiffel 65

Come along now - Cosmo Sheldrake

Blue Monday - New Order

Orby - Cosmo Sheldrake

Oxygen - OSVISS

Stranger in town - Toto

Sub-Culture - New Order

Svet Ogneii - KODIZC

The Son of Flynn - Daft punk - Ki Theory

19 2000 - GORILLAZ

Dare - GORILLAZ

2000 miil’ - Chernobyl

Castor - Daft Punk

Acid Rain - Lorn

Counting Sheep - SAFIA

Crow - Forest Swords

Devil - Moon Walker

Lose Yourself - Eminem

My Ordinary Life

Love and Pain - Creeper

Donaukinder - Rammstein

HEAVEN SAYS - chart

Kletka - Molchat DomA

Krisha - bishkek

Vsyo Slozhno - Egorbez

Natural - Imagine dragons

Warriors - Imagine Dragons

People Eater - sodikken

Vladimirsky Central Prison - Chernikovskaya hata

London Goodbye - Car-man

Bez konkretiki - Byespokoinik

Chabged The Way You Kiss Me - Example

Freed from desire - GALA

Timezone - Sander van Doorn

Destination Calabria - Alex Gaudino

Everybody wants to rule the world - Tears for Fears

Be My Lover - La Bouche

Livin la Vida Loca - Ricky Martin

Mr Vain - Culture Beats

Sunny - Boney M

Moves like Jagger - Maroon 5

We No Speak Americano - Yolanda Be Cool DCUP

Blind Spots - C418

Dry Hands - C418

Far - C418

Moog City - C418

Droopy likes your face - C418

Taswell - C418

Dombummel- spongebob music

stadium rave - spongebob

Waltzing flutes - same as above

Aloha oe -same

Chill out -same

Faraway - Eiffel 65

Happy Nation - Ace of Base

I’m OK - Little Big

High Hopes - Pink Floyd

The Other Side of Paradise - Glass Animals

Who is She - I monster

I ran so far away - a flock of seagulls

Alarm call - The Correspondents

Around the world - ATC

Stayin alive - Bee Gees

Don’t fear the reaper - Blue Oyster Cult

Body Company - And One

Come as you are - Nirvana

Brother - Stuck in the Sound

Get Lucky - Daft Punk

Centuries - Fall Out Boy

Dont stop me now - Queen

I DJ with the fire - Eiffel 65

My Generation - GORKY PARK

American Interior - Gruff Rhys

Hall of fame - the script

Chlorine - 21 pilots

I wanna rock - Twisted Sister

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

bulletproof - La Roux

Lenningradskiy Blues

Animals - Martin Garrix

Meet Me in the Woods - Lord Huron

Little Dark Age - MGMT

Counting Stars - OneRepublic

People of Tomorrow - Eiffel 65

Control - House of Harm

Ally or Enemy - T.P. And the Indians

Angel of Snow - PLAZMA

Brass Goggles - Steam powered giraffes

California Dreamin- The mamas and the papas

Cigarettes out the window - TV girl

Fish in a birdcage

Glasshouse - Germinator

Lovers rock - TV girl

We re not gonna take it - Twisted sister

Stressed out - 21 pilots

Keep your eyes peeled - ULTRA SUNN

Young Foxes - ULTRA SUNN

Tonight - The Correspondents

Tardigrade - Cosmo Sheldrake

Stupid MF - Mindless self indulgence

Sugar Pills - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Sadness is rebellion - Lebanon Hanover

Lonely - PLAZMA

Piece of your heart - MEDUZA, goodboys

Pink Elephants on parade

Wplf in sheep’s clothing - ft. William Beckett

White Room - Cream

Sol Seppy - Move

SNAP! - Rythm is a dancer

Bangarang - Skrillex

Shut me up - MSI

Test & Recognise - Seekae

Big Hoops - RVZZER, JANFRY

Rubber ring - The Smiths

Prescription - MSI

Pork Soda - Glass Animals

Embryo - Pink Floyd

achilles come down - gang of youth

Blue Canary

Strawberry fields forever - The Beatles

Shoplifters of the world unite - The Smiths

Show me the meaning of being lonely - Backstreet boys

West end girls - backstreet boys

Green Machine - Lightnin Harry Dee

Le silence - Hante

Heart of glass - Blondie

Cadillac - Buster Band

Crying just a little - Billy DeCole & Derriere

Errol - Australian Crawl

Dont go - Pseudo Echo

Heart of stone - David Lewis

Shadows of love - Jeff Hurd and the differents

The Miracle - Queen

Sneg - Aigel

AND THERES MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!

[epicsteddieficrecs]

Epic Steddie Fic Rec (March 6th-March 19th 2023)

Hey y'all! Here's what I've read in the past two weeks. I hope you enjoy! :)

Complete

🖤 the pre-show ritual by helix_stomper (PWP, Glory Hole | 12K | Explicit): Steve wasn’t really all that surprised to find himself here. He had never seen a gloryhole before. He’d chalked them up to a horny teenager’s pot at the end of the rainbow. Fantasy, and nothing else. But here it was, a small circular hole cut into the side of two adjacent stalls, as real and as terrifying as it could be. What surprised Steve about tonight was that he wasn't sticking his dick through the hole. Instead, he found himself sitting on his heels in front of it, hands wringing anxiously in his lap as he licked his lips and waited for someone to shuffle into the other stall. (Part 1 of boots & budweiser’s miraculous misadventures)

🖤 service and devotion by helix_stomper (PWP, Glory Hole | 22K | Explicit): Steve and Eddie meet up regularly for anonymous sex, and Eddie gives Steve his first (official) experience as a sub. Steve fell first. Eddie falls harder. (Part 2 of boots & budweiser’s miraculous misadventures)

The Killing Moon by Oddree13 (Canon divergent, A/B/O, PWP | 3K | Explicit): “Hey, hey, cmon. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. Cause something is obviously bothering you.” “You don’t touch me.” “What are you talking about? I’m touching you right now.” “And that is where it ends Eddie! It’s been what, two months, and we haven’t done more than make out and grind on each other! It’s like I went back on birth control for nothing!” (Part 3 of Six Kids and a Winnebago)

Make Me an Offer (I Cannot Refuse You) by Beachfckerblake (PWP | 7K | Explicit): Steve just needs weed for this party and Tommy sends him instead. When Eddie tries to overcharge him for it, he figures the can work something out but he ends up getting a bit more than he bargained for when he makes too much of an open ended offer

i've been having a horrible time pulling myself together by deadratz (Post S4 | 74K | Explicit): The last thing Eddie thinks as he draws his final breath is that Henderson is gonna need a shit ton of therapy. But then, Eddie wakes up, gasping for air, and miraculously, he's being rescued. Now he has to figure out how to live.

WIP

In Just Seven Days by Oddree13 (Modern AU, Fake Relationship | 1/7 | 1,6K | Mature): Steve doesn't exactly care about relationships anymore. Not after Nancy broke his heart and Billy broke his face. He's bored and just going through the motions the first time it happens. Noelle asks him on Monday if he's busy that coming Friday and Steve figures why not? He takes her to the movies on Friday, takes her to bed on Saturday, and on Sunday he lets her down gently. She takes it in stride, and the next Monday it's Jocelyn at his locker. Then Ginny. Then Cami. Soon a rumor starts that Steve Harrington will accept anyone who asks him out at the beginning of the week and end their relationship after seven days of dating. Eddie doesn't believe the rumors. After all, to say Steve Harrington would ignore the glaring asterisk of heteronormativity is just insane. But when he catches the King being tardy on a Monday he puts his theory to the test. Suddenly Eddie has a boyfriend for the next seven days. Now he just has to not fall in love.

🖤 Steve Harrington’s Radical Fun Time Babysitting Serviceby Humanities_Handbag/ @humanityinahandbag, Invader_Sam (No Upside Down AU, 90’s | 24/? | 93K | Mature): Alternatively: Steve accidentally starts a babysitting service, falls in love, panics [in bisexual], and gets himself a boyfriend. (Part 1 of 90’s Music Store AU)

no me without you by cydonic (Post S4, Kas Eddie | 1/10 | 1,7K | Mature): Eddie Munson dies, the world is still ending, and Steve Harrington doesn't know how he's supposed to keep going. That is, until he comes face to familiar face with the creature killing people in Hawkins.

🖤 Reboot by plutosrose/ @plutosrose (Modern AU, Actor Steve & Eddie | 4/10 | 14K | Explicit): In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren’t speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update–his character gets together with Eddie’s.

🖤 better by you, better than me by palmviolet/ @palmviolet (Canon Divergent, Season 1-2 | 23/? | 120K | Mature | Warning: Violence): November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

Burning Love by FluffyChicken/ @tshireisonfire (Modern AU, Firefighter Steve | 10/12 | 42K | Explicit): Firefighter Steve Harrington meets one Eddie Munson and their lives change forever.

~

If you know anyone I haven't tagged, please tag them in the comments!

[baeddel]

what's your educational history?

in the UK you leave highschool at 16 after sitting a bunch of tests called GCSEs. then you can either stay in highschool until you're 18 and get A-levels or go to tech and get one of a huge number of qualifications which are all equivalent to some number of A-levels. generally you leave tech at 18 as well.

well i completed highschool, then i went to tech to try and get a BTEC in music. the course was very well designed in fact but my attendance was garbage because of my health and i stopped going in my second year at 17, but i was good in theory & composition classes and i was reading a bunch of books on harmony and analysis at home (primarily Schoenberg's Fundamentals of Musical Composition and Theory of Harmony, mostly because Schoenberg wrote them). they gave me a "Subsidiary Diploma in Musical Composition" which i am certain i am the only person to have ever been awarded, mostly i think as a gesture. it's worthless and i never went back to collect it.

after that, because i needed to stay in tech to receive the EMA benefits that were putting our food on the table at home, i enrolled in a one year course in cookery. my dream was to become a ship's cook and work half the year at sea like my grandfather, and the rest of the year i could devote to music. it was, in my condition, ambitious. the qualification was called a City & Guilds and i didn't get it. i essentially only attended mondays, CFS taking the rest of the week, and an ambulance had to be called for me to the kitchen multiple times. i dropped out of that one about half way through, shortly after turning 18. after that it has been, as i say, 11 years of playtime.

[dragonballnewstar]

Gooood morning everyone and happy Monday! Welcome back to AMP Up your Week with me, Ampa!

There wasn't anything too crazy to note this weekend. Have you guys already figured out your Halloween costumes? I have~! I can't wait to see what spo~oky things happen this month!

In fun science news this week, Vela’s exploded star is the highest-energy pulsar ever seen! The pulsars are the dense remnants of exploded stars, and scientists are focused as these pulsars serve as a solid test for numerous physics theories. I can imagine the results of these observations will be amazing~!

Finally, I was asked about my music...though I don't do performances like my dad does, I do enjoy making my own sound. So here's a sample..!

Please don't be too harsh...I don't usually show my music like this....

Well - That's all for now! Remember to stay hydrated, take some time to breath, and if you're already lost in the craziness of the week - You're awesome and you can tackle whatever comes your way.

See you guys on Friday and I hope you have a fantastic week!!

[danilovesivars]

What now?

Time doesn’t make sense. The days are long and draining and yet I’m doing nothing.  It used to be filled with you. It took you forever to eat your meals (although I guess it’s because it was hard for you to do the work when your brain couldn’t get the messages through).  The house is quiet. You aren’t banging on your pots and pans in the play kitchen or throwing crayons off your table. Containers of play doh just sit there now. Not that you cared as much for the play doh as it was taking the lids on and off the containers. I went out with Miss Kelly, and Miss Amanda and Miss Cat yesterday then saw my friend Michelle. I cried to all of them.  Then I came home and felt lost again. There was still so much of the day left. I felt exhausted and sore all over my body. I took a nap. Napping isn’t right anymore either because I napped with you. If my hair was still in a pony, you’d reach your little hand under my neck and pull my hair towards you. So I made sure to put my hair down yesterday. I can’t even keep track of what day of the week it is. Nothing is comforting. I can’t figure out what to watch on TV. I could do some work but I can’t think up anything creative and it seems like too much mental effort. Reading is hard I’m too easily distracted by the silence. Since when does that make sense? I can’t even find a Twenty One Pilots song that helps. In some ways I guess that’s an okay thing because I would never wish this pain on anyone and to write something that would explain this you’d have to experience it. Which means I have to be the one to write it. And let me tell you Charlie, Mommy is not the writer Tyler Joseph is. I wish I could be. Music has often been a comfort to me. Now I’m pulling songs from Frozen because I don’t know where else to look.  You received a lot of Easter gifts - some stuffies and blankets and chocolates. Losing you on Easter Monday meant you never got to use them. You were like Mommy and were addicted to chocolate. We have so much chocolate now because you had to start every meal with a small piece. Weirdly enough though Mommy has lost interest in chocolate. I’ve had some but it doesn’t taste the same anymore.  I try to talk to you like you are here. I’d love to hear your voice though. You are supposed to be whole in Heaven now so in theory you may even be able to talk. You certainly understood what was being said to you. You did have some words at one point. If in Heaven those lesions are gone from your brain are you chatting up your grandmother? What does it sound like when you talk? I wish we knew Charlie. I wish we knew what you were going through so we could reduce the suffering a little bit. Everyone says it may be better that we didn’t. You experienced a lot - A Blue Jays game, Wonderland, Santa’s Village, Sauble Beach, Daycare - things we probably would have been too afraid to take you to if we knew. But I don’t forget your tired eyes and your sighs. I know now why and I wish I could have helped you through those moments. At least we think we know why. We are still awaiting the genetic testing to confirm it was Leigh’s. I don’t know how I’d feel if they came back still not sure of what it was. Today I’ve tried to do stuff. Daddy got me a new grief journal. Plus I had one I got another day. I tried to look at Disney Cruises. A little getaway. We had hoped to take you to Disney so I thought a cruise might be a nice alternative. I sent out more GoFundMe Thank you’s and but I couldn’t finish anything I set out to do. Somehow after trying all those things it was still only 2 something. That’s when we’d normally be napping. Riley then called home. She almost made it through the whole day. I don’t blame her I can’t get myself to do anything so why should I expect her to? Daddy described this as feeling almost like you’ve lost a limb. Mainly because you always were clinging to Daddy’s shoulder so he quite literally felt like he lost a limb. But I went on to agree because I was thinking something similar. When you lose a limb (modern technology aside) it doesn’t grow back. You can stitch up the area and it will heal up but the actual limb is gone forever. How you move forward in life is completely different. You have to learn to adapt without it. And most of your limbs are pretty important in your daily life. You don’t NEED them to be alive but they are important to your functioning.When they are gone you still can feel pains from where they were. You can still feel your brain try to use them and function as you did.  So we are still here. Trying to continue without an important piece of our family. Moving forward and learning to adapt but trying to accept that you won’t be coming back. We still feel the pain of losing you. We still anticipate seeing you in the hallway when we open the bathroom door, or pulling yourself up to stand by the couch when we are watching TV. I still think I hear your voice when you wake up from a nap then remember you aren't there.  I just don’t know what to do now.  

[la-galaxie-langblr]

Long post underneath the cut, I basically ramble about A Levels and some new study techniques I'm gonna be trying out over the next few months :)

I'm back from my trip to London with mum (my first time visiting, it was so much fun!!), so now it's time to make a plan of attack regarding my A Levels

My biggest focus will be French speaking - since I was absent from school for the last few days I delayed getting my mark for a little bit, but I know on Monday I'll have to face the music and own up to how badly I did, and then get to work on improving

But I also need to make a solid revision plan for business and maths, and make sure to start revising sooner than Easter. I want to spend my Easter holidays finishing up notes for Unit 2 in both subjects, and doing Unit 1 past papers. If I still have Unit 1 notes to make by Easter then I'll be in trouble. I don't want to overwhelm myself with work during the Easter holidays because I still need rest, I want to make plans with my friends, I'll be doing more hours at work etc

I'm still too shattered to make a solid plan, but basically I have 5 months until the date of my first exam (business unit 1), so every 4 weeks I want to have done at least 2 things to make progress towards the exam, whether it's updating my notes or doing past paper questions on a certain topic, and since I'll be making unit 2 revision notes as I go along (well, I sure hope I will) I shouldn't have too much to do over Easter??

I can use a similar technique for maths, but for French I'll have to do things a bit differently

The exam board is giving us hints for what's on our listening & reading and literature papers, so once I know what those are then I can properly get to work

Speaking. My French teacher is a bit of a wild card sometimes and you never know when he's going to start introducing extra speaking practice - he did that last year coming up to our real exams as well as holding an extra mock - and while in theory it was supposed to be helpful, his scathing criticism every week was not 💀 My biggest problem for this mock was memorisation, or lack thereof, so I'm gonna try a similar 'every 4 weeks' technique and have a couple of standard questions memorised during that period, and if the French assistant gives any advanced notice or gives me a choice of topics to discuss, I'm gonna try choose one I've 'memorised' to test myself.

A final strategy I might try is a variation on 'touch it once' that I saw on a study tips post. The idea in that particular post is that once you get an assignment/have something to do, you should try doing in one go to as much of an extent as possible - eg if you need to send an email, send it in one sitting, do a set of questions in one sitting, do a particular reading in one sitting etc etc and while I like the idea behind it, I know it's gonna be impossible for me without modifying it, so my version is 'touch it once every night until the due date'. Most of my business and maths homeworks are for the next day anyway, but even with test revision this could work. I'm mainly going to be using it for French - if I get a week to write out a set of oral questions, I'll spend the first night bullet pointing what I want to say, language I want to include, pages in the textbook I might want to reference etc, then use the second night to draft Q1, third night writing Q1 and drafting Q2 etc etc

I know this is basically "spread your work out over a period of time" but for me, if something has a Fun Name then I'm more likely to try it.

Here ends my Using Tumblr As A Diary session :)

[slytherinshua]

Thankfully I didn't do rhythm and rhyme by myself! But I did sort of lead it. I took it with my coworker who is the same age as me which was good because I find it fun doing it with her lol. Yes it's so good that the library does that! There's so many different book clubs and everything, it's great! We also do class visits where primary schools can bring classes and we explain how the library works. Although, we've discovered that none of the classes are actually at the reading level they should be which is quite scary considering some of them go into high school soon.

That's so cool that you took a course for that! I think that would have been so useful for me lol. The thing I find about procrastination is that I leave everything so last minute, but then I'm able to do the task really well, so I end up procrastinating more because I know I can get the job done. For example, my best friend is getting married on Saturday, I've known about this for a year but I only started making their present on Monday. I have to catch a flight early Friday morning which means that I need it finished by tomorrow night and I'm still not done lol. Why do I do this to myself lol

All the best with your theory! I've never taken it but it doesn't seem fun

Awww that’s good then!! I’m glad you didn’t have to do it solo!! oh god seeing the reading level go down with each class year is honestly terrifying for me. I was above the highest high school reading level when I was like 9 and they tested me in 4th grade cause I was already reading jane austen at that point. Not reading to ur kids when they’re still a baby honestly is detrimental esp if parents are introducing iPads instead of books like I can’t imagine how hard it must be to grasp onto reading and concentration when ur first few years were just spent staring at a screen instead of processing words :/ I hope this doesn’t become a worse problem in the future 💔💔 it’s good that there’s still testing and seeing what reading level kids are at tho cause damn if they’re abt to go into high school….

Yeah it’s probably been the most beneficial class I ever took!! We basically did a presentation every month or so and had experience making a bunch of different types as well. I still use all those skills whenever I have a presentation!! ALSO I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM DKDJS if I had ever done rly badly on smth I procrastinated on then maybe I would learn that I should give myself extra time but I still see the same results whether I procrastinate or not so I just end up picking the stress and cram route 😭😭😭😭 omg I hope u can get that present done best of luck !!

yeah theory is the worst part of music for me sigh I know that it’s extremely important but I just hate most of it 😔😔 but we gotta get through yk 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and twenty

time for a longer entry for once... i think.

i only met l once this week because he was busy studying for his theory- and practical driving tests. bro, i got like makeout abstinence. one makeout sesh a day keeps the sadness away or something. god, i'm insufferable.

monday was a mess. i went thrifting to look for a cd shelf thingy but ended up with five cds instead. i got automatic by the jesus and mary chain for l and zenyatta mondatta and ghost in the machine by the police, faith by the cure and era vulgaris by queens of the stone age for me. i originally got a morrissey dvd too because it had a lot of the smiths songs on it but ended up not buying it BECAUSE... when i went to check out my stuff my card declined? i had money and my limit was high enough but it just wouldn't work. i tried taking away the morrissey dvd in case my limit actually was being pushed but that didn't work either. thankfully they were able to hold the stuff while i went to take out some cash. i did however call both my mom and my sister in distress.

i actually don't remember shit from tuesday.

i dyed my hair on wednesday! black! i also trimmed my bangs and i might've made them VERY short. i like microbangs though, like, that was what i was going for anyways but it's always just as big of shock each time i trim it. i usually trim it once it starts reaching my eyebrows. anyways, microbangs together with the black makes me feel so alt and cool. i mean, i AM alt, but still. i'm just now getting used to the new look but i've been told by three people now that i fit black very well which is a compliment i haven't gotten for any other color ever so...

i lost crazy much hair while dyeing it and washing it out though, it was almost scary. thought i was gonna end up bald.

in my second class on thursday i had my camera on and s dmed me in the zoom chat and told me my hair was pretty :( it made me so happy :( she asked me if i dyed it recently and then complimented it again TT she's always so sweet, love her!

on thursday i received two packages! one was my digital camera. i'm so excited to start bringing it everywhere and take cute y2k:ey pictures. the quality is just as shitty as i wanted it to be. the other package was a copy of turtles all the way down. i've only read two chapters so far but i'm so excited to read more, i love john's books so much. i'm so excited about having the english hard cover too. it's so pretty.

thursday evening i went to l's place. his parents were gone for the weekend so i expected to stay more than one night but ended up just sleeping there one night because he had plans with his friends friday evening. my way there was a mess, i took the wrong train and ended up two stations wrong. the train line splits in three after a few stations and i just realized the names of the stops started sounding unfamiliar. i got off and switched tracks and went one stop and after walking off at that stop i realized i was supposed to go another stop in the same direction before i was able to switch trains so i had to wait like 10 minutes for the next one and got on that one and then wait another 10 minutes to go on the right train.

at his place we listened to some music and exchanged cds. i gave him the the jesus and mary chain cd and he gave me röd by kent. i also brought some popcorn i had bought before being reminded of the fact that we don't have a microwave at home TT i also brought a vegan chocolate bar. it was white chocolate with rasperries and it sounded so good but i didn't really like it so i brought it for him to try but mainly for his younger sister who i thought would like it since she's allergic to milk and eats a lot of vegan stuff anyways. she ended up really liking it which i'm happy about. later we made dinner with her. i didn't really help but i'm like never allowed TT i try to offer help but they always say there's nothing i can do TT i feel so mean TT

after dinner me and l watched scott pilgrim vs. the world. it's way better the second time and it was so nice to just cuddle and stuff and i almost fell asleep by the end :') after the movie things got a little ;) though. very nice!

(still a virgin).

lowkey would wanna go into detail just for the memories for future old me who might have a sucky memory but i am also in fact posting on the worldwide web! maybe time for a physical and private journal?

i had to wait agessssss for him to wake up the day after. he sleeps for so long. it's funny because it's not very different from how long i sleep for but when i sleep at other places than home i always wake up so early with a full energy bar.

on my way home the train was fucking with me again. i literally got onto the right train but it went the wrong direction? like it literally arrived from the right direction but went back the same way? HOW?

saturday was nice. me and my sister went to the plant store and i got two plants for my room and a pot for the bigger one. i was gonna pick up a sellpy package on the way home anyways and i'd get a pot for the smaller one then anyways. on the way back home we accidentally went on such a detour. i actually have no idea how to use that word? just gooogled it. omväg. vi gick en omväg.

the sellpy package was exciting. the shorts fit really well and they were even low waisted!!! so exciting!!! i got four rings: a mustache ring, a black heart ring, a pink heart ring and a small ring with emerald colored dots. i got a dan and phil poster. such a relic. i'm currently trying to press it straight so it'll actually stay on the wall. i got the pots. it was two in one, a big one that i used as a holder for my brush pens and a small one for the tiny plant i bought and it ended up fitting perfectly. i also got a little cow decor thingy that's supposed to hang on the side of a pot and it looked so cute on the pot i got at the plant store. i also got a vase of a swan. i thought it would be way smaller than it was, like... i literally thought it was an egg cup which is why i got it so i could use it as a little cup for trinkets but it was MASSIVE. my sister wanted it though thankfully!

my cousin came over in the evening and we had dinner. my sisters boyfriend had made mashed potatoes and meatballs. that might be my favorite food of all time. with brown sauce and lingonberry jam and peas and fried onion, UGH, so good. afterwards we played cluedo and had some drinks and then we played our little question game we do where we write down silly or deep questions on a piece of paper and then just draw them and everyone answers. it's so simple yet so fun.

today has been really nice so far. i've been in a really good mood. i put up some leftover kpop prints on my wall. even though i don't care too much for it anymore, it's still fun with less empty walls and honestly, putting those prints up and listening to kpop reawakened something within me. it was so nostalgic and i mean... minhyuk is still a gorgeous man.

i'm on my second coffee right now and i've been writing this entry for so long now. my sister and her boyfriend went to town and they had dinner so now i'm contemplating what to eat. they had max and them mentioning that is making me really crave max so i think i'll probably order myself some max.

i've actually been thinking about doing diary stuff more in real life as well because i've been feeling so inspired by life is strange. like, i think the little profiles max makes of people is such a cute idea but getting pictures of people would be difficult. i'd wanna write about everyone! like, just making a really detailed page about anyone, like a classmate or siblings partner or whatever. it seems like so much fun. i'd need a polaroid camera though or a printer of some sort. i wanna get a polaroid camera anyways so might as well start doing that once i have it. i just need to get my bullet journal here, it's still back home and those are way too expensive to just be buying new ones all the time. it's also so empty. polaroid cameras are so expensive too, like buying film all the time too. so much pressure getting good pictures but that's also kind of the charm, you only get one, maybe two, tries.

sotw: kent - saker man ser

[modestcatholiclife]

Psalm 21:15

Starting this post has been honestly very difficult for me but here goes nothing.

Last Tuesday was my fiance's birthday so now we're both 21 instead of it being just me. I've ordered him four books but even now, they still haven't arrived. I haven't even heard where they are in the shipping process. Both of us are struggling financially at the moment so we weren't able to do much. He does have a voucher for movie tickets but none of the movies at the cinemas really caught our attention.

Last Friday was Australia Day. It was a pretty quiet day all things considered. My fiance and I visited my parents house so I got to see my brothers, two of my cousins, and one of my uncles. I had ordered and received a dress that I've been wanting for a while this week so I was able to wear that today.

On this past Sunday, the Sunday of the Prodigal Son, we went to St. Andrew's in Lidcombe for Divine Liturgy. After Liturgy, I had a lovely chat with one of the women from the choir. I've always been shy and struggled socially but going to church and our young adult group is slowly helping me come out of my shell. I would love to make some friends who are Catholic this year and I celebrate every successful interaction I have to that end. I'm also hoping to join the choir this year. I don't believe I have the greatest voice but I'm going to try anyway. I'll need to relearn the basics of music theory and practise a great deal before I do anything else though.

This week has been a lot less pleasant. Without going into detail, I've been caught in the middle of a conflict between my fiance and my friends which has reached a new level of bad as of last night. I'm honestly so anxious to see my friends again this week and have been avoiding messages from them like the plague. I don't know what to do and I'm so scared of losing my closest friends.

My goal is to make Sunday or Monday the day that I post on this blog each week. We'll see how well I hold to it but that is my plan for now. I have my brother's birthday and my driver knowledge test coming up this week so hopefully my next post will be a less melancholic life update.

Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

[luisishere]

Unfocused Momentum

Still reeling from the Eagles Super Bowl loss, and I don't feel like doing anything: working, writing, listening to music, eating breakfast, NOTHING.

Figured now is a good time to test this theory of pushing through when I don't feel like doing the work. I'm in a very unfocused state right now, so how do I make something valuable? How do I make something that will resonate, when I am not in the right mind to create such a thing?

First, I need to calm the hell down. It's early Monday morning, and I have a ton of deadlines at my day job. I work with no distractions anyway (aside from interruptions since it's an open office environment) and as a graphic designer, I consider it a mortal sin to be late with a deadline. Discipline is key.

Second, I need to keep my emotions in check. I don't feel like saying "good morning" to anyone. I don't want to chat about the game. I don't want to talk about the pile of projects. None of that is good behavior though. Sure, the game's outcome sucked, but life moves on, and this unfocused feeling will too.

Third, I need to remember that I'm only human. I'm allowed to be unfocused from time-to-time, for any reason. Its fine to take a little time to myself, and remember that life indeed moves on. Go easy on myself.

These words were primarily for me, but I hope that they resonate with others. I used a lot of "me" and "I" in this post. If there's any value to the words above, if anyone is feeling unfocused, perhaps reading this will help them think. I can honestly say it helped me a little bit.

[freelyglitterykryptonite]

An extensive list of non-problematic youtubers

With the absolute crap-show that is the youtube community right now, I though I might share some of the least problematic creators on the site right now, pulled right from my subscriber list Here you go;

Glam and Gore Does Beauty and SFX makeup, She has two adorable dogs and she’s just the cutest

Bailey Sarian Does Murder Mystery and Makeup Mondays where she talks about true crime stories and does her makeup

IAMTRAEH Does Natural hair horror stories and tutorials for Natural hair

Snitchery Does Tutorials on how to change up your look

SusieJTodd does Fashion videos on a plus sized body

Bernadette Banner a Vintage fashion youtuber with a voice of liquid gold

TT Bret mainly a cosplayer who is more active on Tumblr and Tik Tok but does occasionally post youtube videos

Safiya Nygaard Does bad makeup science and travel videos. She’s absolutely adorable and down to earth

Dollightful a Korean Based artist who repaints dolls into her own characters, She did all of Eevies evolutions

Sideways Delves into music theory and motifs in modern culture.

Imbrandonfarris just absolutely hilarious with the most adorable little girl. He eats bugs sometimes

Emmymadeinjapan Makes vintage recipes, tests vintage cooking tools, and Viral internet foods in a respectful and educated manner

AnthonyPadilla Yes that one, His activism and “I spent a day with” Series is highly informative and he always approaches his topics with the utmost of respect and curiosity. (he’s also dating Glam and Gore from earlier and their relationship is absolutely adorable)

NikkieTutorials one of the few Big beauty youtubers who isn’t stupid Shady I love her so much

Royalty Soaps She makes and sells handmade soaps and she’s adorable

TheEpicNate315 shockingly a video game youtuber, He makes informative videos about Skyrim and Fallout 4 Lore

Overly Sarcastic Productions Covers History, Literary tropes, and Mythology In a fun animated medium

You Suck At Cooking is what would happen if How to basic had a voiceover

Enchanterium another doll repaint artist

Jennelle Eliana A travel Vlogger who lives out of her van with her snake. Very informative

Deligracy Is a Sims youtuber. The Sims Community is pretty unproblematic you can get really good content with none of the drama on this side of youtube

ThreadBanger cusses a lot but Todd and Corinne have one of the healthiest relationships on the platform. Todd also almost died a year ago and he’s back and better than ever

Beautyklove If anyone did those no heat curl tutorials back in like 2012 you know who she is. She still makes hair related content

MyFroggyStuff More doll art tutorials but this time they focus more on the dollhouse and smaller parts of a house awesome if you have kids who like dolls and crafting

Kristen Ryan Broadway fans rejoice! Kristen makes karaoke versions of popular songs but will sing every other part except the one you want to sing! She normally uploads multiple versions of the same songs so you have choices!

coolirpa revamps thrifted clothes and shows you how to do it

Oxhorn Another lore based Bethesda gamer. The gaming community has some wholesome bois I promise

Rachel and Jun a Japan based married couple who talk about their life in japan and how they make their interracial relationship work

RRcherrypie I guess they would fall under ASMR youtuber but I just find the little toys they mess with really interesting

ellie Nicole a Beauty Vlogger who occasionally covers natural hair and her skincare routines

Mo Mo O'Brien a cosplayer and Larper who attends renaissance festivals among other things. Is possibly the cutest person on this planet?

호주사라 HojuSara Australian youtuber based In South Korea, She does Korean based vlogs.

Maven of the Eventide Covers Vampire lore in modern fiction and reviews vampire movies

Spill, the only tea channel you will find on this list. Lays out the facts and lets you come to your own conclusion in a respectful manner,

Tristan Paredes is a vocal coach you can actually book online lessons for. Hes back baby

Mikaela Long, Does Beauty? Among other things

Philip DeFranco does daily news stories and is honestly one of the only ways I can consume the news without it feeling like its piling on top of me If there are any more that you guys can think of please reblog with your additions! 

[spaceskam]

could you do 32 with michael guerin?

tags: professors au, marriage proposal, fluff

32. come what may [ao3]

Work sucked.

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. It was the best job Michael had ever had and it paid well and, objectively, he loved it. It was a good job. It was just also extremely mentally taxing and he couldn’t remember if he had been warned about that in school. Probably not. If they did, he wasn’t sure anyone would willingly become a professor.

Michael heaved a sigh and threw the stack of tests down on his desk. He couldn’t grade another thing. He knew it was a Physics I class and there were students from a slew of different majors that didn’t really give a shit about what he was teaching, but wow. He could only take so many comically incorrect answers.

Before he could throw the tests on the floor and bang his head against the desk, there was a soft knock at the door. Part of him expected it to be a student coming to ask questions. Which, technically, that was fine. He wouldn’t turn them away. He just didn’t want to.

“Come in,” Michael said, looking up.

He was pleasantly surprised to see Alex there instead.

Michael physically relaxed, sinking into his seat with a relieved sigh. Alex grinned and slid inside of his office, closing the door behind him. He carefully took his guitar off his back and made his way closer.

“I’m always happy to see you, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful for your interruption,” Michael confessed, feeling a sick amount of joy whenever Alex pulled his chair out just enough to place himself on the desk. Michael couldn’t even see the tests anymore.

“Well, good thing I stopped by,” Alex said, reaching for him and tugging him back in.

Michael sat on the edge of his chair and craned his neck up, letting Alex be all-encompassing as he kissed him. He had his elbows on his shoulders and his forearms boxing Michael’s head in close. It was comforting. Michael put his hands on his thighs, sliding up until his waist and pulling him towards the edge of the desk. Everything was just Alex.

Technically, this was probably a bad idea. Anyone could knock on the door or barge in at any time and catch them in a rather compromising position. But Michael needed this. He needed him more than words could say.

Teaching at the same school as him had sounded a lot more questionable that ended up being. Michael remembered being terrified that they would be spending too much time together being on the same campus, but that turned out to be a moot point considering Michael was a science professor and Alex was a music professor and the head of the tiny classical guitar department. Their offices were, at minimum, a 15 minute walk apart and half the time they could barely get lunch together.

They were busy all the time. Sometimes Michael couldn’t tell which one of them was busier. Though, with Alex’s private lessons and masterclasses that were on top of normal teaching, he had to assume it was him. Michael did have much more grading to do, though, so it evened out to suck away all of their free time.

“How was your day?” Michael asked as they pulled out of the kiss, though he didn’t pull out of the sanctuary of his arms.

Alex hummed, combing his fingers through Michael’s hair.

“Fine. Ellie came to me crying because she has a piano exam tomorrow and still can’t get it without stumbling, so I spent, like, my entire lunch going over that with her. That was the only eventful thing, really,” Alex said, his long nails scratching the nape of his neck.

“You think she’s gonna pass?”

“She’ll do fine if she just breaths. She gets so tense and it messes her up. But Mariya gets it, she’ll go easy on her as long as she can tell that she’s trying,” Alex explained, craning his head to kiss his temple and then further to kiss his cheek. Michael could feel the tension bleeding out of him.

God, he loved him.

“How was your day?” Alex wondered, still pressing soft kisses anywhere and everywhere.

“Horrible. We should just run away and never come back,” Michael said. Alex huffed a laugh, adjusting to better rest his prosthetic leg on the seat of Michael’s chair. He always said it felt really weird letting it hang. Michael felt bad for forgetting and moved his hand to his knee, taking the brunt of his leg weight.

“What happened that was that bad?” Alex wondered. Michael sighed and just dropped his head to Alex’s chest.

“Nothing specifically, just a long day. I just needed you to distract me. Steal me away from my problems,” Michael murmured. Alex hummed, indulgent.

“What would we do if I stole you away?”

“Elope. Find a cave to hide in,” Michael suggested. Alex gave him a little squeeze in response, kissing the side of his face.

Marriage had been something they’d been speaking of for a while now. Casually, usually, because neither of them could actualize a date that it would work. Both of them were nervous at the idea of taking off of work for something like that. Alex usually had the summer off, but Michael typically picked up a summer class because he would fall apart without a schedule. So it remained something they spoke about in theory.

“Okay. Say we eloped. Would I take your last name? I don’t want you taking mine, fuck my family,” Alex said. Michael made a face, tilting his head up to look at him.

“Well, I don’t want to keep mine. It’s a dumb, meaningless last name that just stands for how I don’t have parents and needed a computer generated one,” Michael said. Alex rolled his eyes, putting his hands on Michael’s cheeks.

“Then what name are we supposed to use?”

“Something that means something. Something special,” Michael said. Alex gave a little gasp and sat up straighter, his eyes lighting up with an idea.

“Skywalker!”

Michael smiled and huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he reached up to touch his face. He was beautiful. Horribly, unrelentingly, perfectly beautiful. 

“We can’t change our name to Skywalker.”

“Why not?” 

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be made fun of by a bunch of kids every day,” Michael said, rubbing his thumb over his cheek. Alex pouted, overexaggerated and adorable.

“You’re no fun.”

“We’ll keep brainstorming,” Michael suggested. Alex sighed and leaned further in, a smile bleeding onto his face.

“Fine. We’ll keep brainstorming,” Alex agreed, “Maybe we can even start brainstorming about a wedding date?”

Michael hummed and tilted his head up at him.

“Are courthouses open on Saturdays?”

“I’d have to look it up.”

“If they are, let’s go Saturday,” Michael suggested. Alex stared at him for a while, just soft and sweet. It was hard to even remember why he was so angry earlier in the day whenever he was looking at him like that.

“Okay. And if they aren’t?”

“Then I’m just going to start calling you my husband and write a strongly worded letter to the state about how discriminatory it is to be closed on the weekends,” Michael said. Alex huffed a laugh, combing through his hair again.

“Husband,” Alex said, almost like he was practicing. It sent chills down Michael’s spine for some godforsaken reason. “If they aren’t, maybe we can take a Monday off in about a month and go get it done? Liz is off on Mondays and we can just give Isobel a heads up to make some time. Then we’ll have our witnesses.”

“Or we can take a drive up to some 24 hour wedding chapel this weekend and get it done there.”

Alex grinned, “You in a rush?”

“No rush. Just… hate waiting and having to go on other people’s schedule. Super unfair. I should get to marry my husband at 3 AM if I want to,” Michael said simply. Alex smiled even bigger.

“Okay. We’ll do some research when we get home then.”

Michael paused slightly, scanning his face.

“For real?”

“For real.”

Michael blinked once, twice before patting his thighs.

“Okay, then you should get up and let me finish grading this shit so I don’t have to worry about it,” Michael said, suddenly very inspired to finish up. Alex laughed and hopped back onto the ground, turning to look at the tests.

“You need any help?”

“You know enough about physics to grade?”

“Probably not, but if you’ve got an answer key I can help,” Alex said. Michael took a deep breath.

“Have I told you today how much I’m in love with you?” he wondered. Alex snorted and pulled up a chair, taking a few tests.

“No, but I love you too.”

Michael leaned over to press a kiss to his face before giving him the key.

One way or another, this man was going to be his husband soon.

It was worth the wait.

[stargnusxcarter]

I mean if I found that fic ask thing XD. How about 19 for Teslen?

things you said when we were the happiest we ever were

That one's a tough one. I will admit I wasn't sure when to set it or where. But then, where's the fun if we have to be strictly in-canon, right ? So, I thought about it, and here you go: Victorian!Teslen before the Five, and slightly AU.

"Miss Magnus, may I have this dance?" The warm voice resonated near her ear, making her shiver. Helen turned around and flashed a soft smile at the man who had just invited her.

"You may, Mister Tesla." She chuckled, sliding her hand in his as he led them to the waltzing crowd.

"You look ravishing tonight, Helen." Nikola tenderly whispered as they danced around the room. Helen knew her cheeks had probably grown reddish but couldn't care less when he was looking at her with such love and admiration twinkling in his blue eyes.

"Thank you, Nikola. You look good yourself." She replied, winking discreetly. They fell into silence again, simply enjoying each other's presence. His hand on her waist, her hand on his shoulder, their hands linked as he led the dance.

Who could've thought he had learned that waltz only 5 days ago ? Certainly not Helen herself, and she had been the one to teach him. Well, her and one of her maids. After he had built up the nerve to ask if she had already some company for the party.

The ring of the bell startled them both as Helen and Gregory were leaving the breakfast table. Who on Earth would come so early in the morning? They immediately thought about an emergency.

"Doctor Magnus, Miss Magnus," announced the butler as he stepped into the dining room, "Mister Tesla requested a talk with you both."

Father and daughter shared the same puzzled look before Gregory motioned for the old man to introduce their impromptu guest. Nikola barely entered the room, fidgeting with the stem of a single peachy rose he was holding.

"Good morning. I apologize to arrive unannounced and so early, Doctor Magnus, and I promise I won't bother you long."

Gregory dismissed the speech with a wave of the hand and an indulgent smile.

"There's nothing to concern you about, young lad. Perhaps we would be more comfortable in the study."

"Of course. I didn't realize I was interrupting your meal."

"Nonsense, Nikola." Helen chuckled. "We had just finished."

The Magnus joined Nikola at the door, who was still nervously fidgeting the stem of the rose.

"Maybe you would stop torment that poor flower and do what you intended to do with it in the first place, Nikola?"

The question, asked with a fond smile from Magnus senior snapped the young Serbian out of his anxiety and he smiled sheepishly as he offered the flower to Helen.

"It is beautiful. Thank you, Nikola." She whispered, her eyes twinkling. Gregory led the way to the study as Helen slid her hand in the crook of Nikola's elbow.

Once they were seated, Nikola found himself unable to formulate the object of his visit, despite his attempts.

"Nikola, what is the matter?" Helen asked, quite concerned.

"Mayiaccompanyyoutotheballnextsaturday?" He asked in a breath. The two others stared at him with a blank expression.

"Would you mind telling it again but a tad slower, maybe?"

"Doctor Magnus." Nikola inhaled. "I came to request your permission to escort Helen to the ball next Saturday if she accepts my company." He managed to intelligibly say. Silence fell upon the room, until Helen hopefully glanced at her father.

"Well... It seems I wouldn't have a saying in the matter in any case, so, you may go to the ball together, but Nikola will see you home before midnight Helen." The blonde reluctantly agreed to her father's terms, the prospect of spending the evening with Nikola too appealing to refuse it.

"I shall fetch you at 7 sharp on Saturday if it suits you, then?"

"Perfect. That is arranged." Gregory clapped his hand before standing to leave. Taking it as his cue to take his leave too, Nikola bowed to Helen and grazed his lips over her knuckles.

"I'll see you on Monday at Oxford, Helen."

"I will expect to see you first thing at the gates!" She replied with a tender smile. He nodded, smiling too, bowed his head to Gregory, and let the butler escort him to the door.

"Where were you?" He asked when her gaze seemed less distant, despite the fact that her movements were as fluid as usual while she followed his lead effortlessly.

"What do you mean? I am right here with you, Nikola." She gently mocked, knowing what he was asking.

"I was lost in my memories. Last week. Hadn't I teach you, I wouldn't have guessed you didn't know that waltz until 5 days ago."

"Well, I had the best teacher." He winked at her and she chuckled.

They both felt the weight of the disapproving looks on them, but they couldn't care less. Not when it was so natural to be in each other's company, swinging and swirling in harmony with the other and the music. The world had faded away, to leave them in their bubble of joy.

"Nikola, what is wrong?" Helen asked as they were working on a new experiment, and she could tell something was buggering him.

"Nothing, Helen. Don't concern yourself further." He absentmindedly replied.

"Nikola! I can see something is bothering you, and the closer we get to the ball, the lesser you can hide it. Do you... Do you not wish to attend the Ball with me anymore?" She finally asked, ignoring the slight shake in her voice. Nikola dropped everything in an instant and stood by her side, clasping her hand between his.

"Of course not, Helen. I am really looking forward to spend the evening in your company."

"Then why do you seem so tense?"

"I... It is silly, really..." his accent was thicker as insecurity crept its way into his voice.

"Nikola, just tell me, please."

"There will probably be at least a waltz at this ball but... I don't know how to dance waltz." He admitted, dropping his gaze. The laugh he was expecting never came, and when he looked up, he met the softest blue eyes he had ever seen.

"This is not silly, Nikola. And if you don't know the waltz, then I will teach you."

And with that they arranged a meeting every afternoon after classes, and she would teach him the ins and outs of the waltz, from the posture to the way he had to hold her, from the leading to the swirls.

"Helen, I have to ask you something."

"Pray tell?"

"You already know that when we met, I had just arrived in England. I knew no one, and you are the first person who offered me help without expecting anything in return. And for that I am grateful." He swirled her again. "You are the closest friend I ever had, and may I say, the only true friend."

The music stopped before he could speak more and the dancers parted, clapping and bowing. Nikola spotted the doors, wide open, leading to the gardens, and offered his arm to Helen. She took it with a soft smile and they headed outside, sitting on a bench nearby.

"Somehow... Somewhere between your smiles, your courage, your wit, and your eyes, I fell in love with you." Nikola confessed before he could second guess himself. "Helen Magnus, will you accept to be courted by a young Serbian genuinely and completely under your spell?"

Helen stared at him, eyes wide, lips parted, as if she wasn't sure she had heard him correctly.

"Nikola... Are you... Are you asking for my permission to court me?"

"W-well, given we are the only ones on this bench, I would say so, yes." He grinned. "I could always ask the pigeons, but there are none around us."

Helen blinked before laughing at his antics. Of course she should have expected him to use his snark at some point.

"Well then, Nikola Tesla, I will gladly let you court me. But I must warn you, my heart has already fallen for someone."

At that, his smile flattered, his eyes lost their spark of joy and mischief, but he remained still, and put his mask on so fast Helen would have missed the hurt in his look if she didn't know him better.

"Oh, well, I hope he knows his luck and isn't jealous, then." He winked, smiling.

"Well, I'm certain he does. As for the jealousy, I'm not sure we had an occasion to test that theory, but I would say he probably isn't." She replied, playing along. Just to see how long it would take her sweet idiot of a friend to figure out who she was talking about.

"Oh. Someone I know?"

"I'd think, yes."

She took pity on him when he nodded without a word and looked away. Silently, Helen reached for his jaw and turned his face toward her.

"Nikola, the man I'm talking about has the bluest eyes I've ever seen, undisciplined hair, until recently he wore an horrible mustache, and he is the best friend I could ever had. And he just asked to court me and confessed his genuine and complete fall under my spell."

She saw the way his eyes lit up throughout her description, how his lips trembled in a smile he tried to repress, until he was practically beaming at her.

"I fell in love with you, Nikola, and I wouldn't want any other man to court me."

He kissed her knuckles, their eyes locked, before clasping a stray lock behind her ear.

They could've been that happy all along... But a few months later, entered on stage John Druitt, and with him, Nikola lost all his chances of being the one Helen Magnus would choose to share her life...