#and i have a lot of baggage around missing things due to school

[skylordhorus]

i love trying to identify emotions in my mid twenties

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 14

Hello all, today, I review the episode I dislike the most out of Season 5. It isn't the one that upsets me the most, but it is the one I personally dislike the most, both on a moral principle, and a writing principle. I hope I do it justice in outlining how bad it is.

Now, there are a LOT of things I could say about this episode in hindsight, but the long and short of it is that this entire episode doesn't make even the slightest bit of sense in terms of continuity. Trauma is not something you just "get over" by having a revelation about what caused it, not even slightly. More over, the show acting as if Marinette having trauma absolves her of the ethical lines she's crossed in her obsession with Adrien... even ignoring how it tries to retcon Chloe's missing mom being this known thing now doesn't work because the show acting as if people IRL think "Chloe's mom not being around" is why she's the way she is and mocking them for it... does not work.

It just does not WORK, especially not when they have Mylene, one of the characters they had profess the idea that they believed Chloe could grow to become better, as the one to shoot that idea down, all while ignoring how Mylene's situation is NOTHING like Chloe's and I don't mean financially. Mylene is the last character that should be used to criticize Chloe; it's not ABOUT that Chloe's mom wasn't around when she grew up, it's that not only does Mylene have a father who loves her so much he uses a photo of her as a good luck charm he keeps in his hat, she doesn't have to live with the knowledge that her mom is a famous celebrity that she can hear about every time she turns on the news or tries to hear about what is going on in the fashion industry, living with the knowledge that her mother could literally come over whenever she wants... and is CHOOSING not to do so.

Combined with it making a mockery of trauma and PTSD by saying NOW of all times that Marinette was secretly traumatized by a bad prank Chloe and Sabrina pulled on her last school year (not even a full year before the series starts, less then three months), and it's the reason she has such a bad time talking with Adrien, it doesn't work when we know that she has NEVER had those problems when she was with Luka. I don't even like Lukanette (Chloenette fan forever, here), and even I can tell you point blank that they were a couple, had decent chemistry, and had NONE of the baggage she does with Adrien. It's not good writing at all.

With that wordy rant done, onto the review! Please, forgive me for any profanity on my part.

Episode 14: Derision 

And... here's Derision. Sigh... 

Okay, we start off with Marinette answering a call from Adrien, nothing going wrong... and then she starts trembling and her vision goes wonky. ALREADY HATING THIS!! 

Just... THERE IS NO FUCKING REASON FOR THIS TO BE HAPPENING!!! If this is because she's dating someone, WHY DIDN'T THIS HAPPEN WITH LUKA!? The literal episode immediately preceding this one called attention to the fact that they dated, yet THIS was never a part of it!! 

Oh, and THOSE KINDS OF SYMPTOMS DO NOT JUST FUCKING PASS WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU WHAT IS WRONG!! You can certainly FAKE IT, but it's like telling someone you're fine when you're obviously NOT fine; it's an act, not really being okay. 

And the tremors start up the second they bring up she has a date... (Hits head against a wall) Fuck this. Fuck this nonsense. 

...Okay, she's getting those symptoms over a picture of Kim. At the pool. Kim, who she shares classes with. Kim, who she sees BASICALLY EVERY FUCKING DAY. I'm hating this more and more with each passing moment. 

And now the hallucination-esque flashbacks are getting worse... ugh. Just... just so much of this is wrong to me. It makes me feel nauseous watching this. I may not have flashbacks like this, but I DO get trauma impacting one's actions and behavior, and I have HAD minor panic attacks due to people throwing me off balance or pressuring me on something I am not qualified to answer. Seeing THIS is honestly really upsetting, because ALL OF THIS CAME OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!! EVERYTHING THEY ARE TRYING TO TREAT AS SOME TRAUMATIC EPISODE IS STUFF THEY PULLED OUT OF THEIR ASSES!!! 

...Her needing to be alone. THAT is the one thing I can get behind in this nonsense.

I am currently breathing very, VERY hard to remind myself that Kim is not normally this much of a fucking idiot. I am trying very, VERY hard not to get mad. Kim, from the very beginning of Origins, is a weirdo that has issues with being insensitive, who is overcompetitive and tends to bite off more than he can chew by dragging people into dumb dares that he usually loses anyway. Him treating what amounts TO A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK as "reacting to a prank" is so stupid, so idiotic, I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!! Even during Origins, when he honestly CAUSED the problem, he was largely just trying to help in his own dumb way. THIS!? THIS IS HIM BEING AN ASSHOLE!!! 

They just... they had Marinette get Akumatized over a Panic Attack. Well, nearly get Akumatized, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW IT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN FOR REAL!! I am just... so much hate right now. SO MUCH HATE. Oh, and this calls a little bit of continuity into suspect because Marinette KNOWS she's Ladybug, so why the hell isn't Hawkmoth starting to pick up on the fact that she knows this and has the Miraculous!? After all, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED WITH LUKA YOU FUCKING HACK WRITERS!!! 

Also, apparently Ondine has known Kim since the time the "prank" took place, so him saying she wouldn't know makes jack all sense. 

My eyebrow is twitching. My brow is literally twitching at my sheer ANGER over this bullshit right now. 

And here comes the character butchering!! Let's see how much this pisses me off, SHALL WE!?

First off: Sabine spots right away that Marinette is trying to avoid going to school, and the dialogue makes it PRETTY DAMN OBVIOUS WHO THE FUCK THEY MEAN in the form of Chloe. They haven't said it yet, but when you phrase it as 'only two weeks left of school with her' IT DOES NOT TAKE A GENIUS TO FIGURE IT OUT!!!! What makes this absolutely fucking STUPID is that Sabine IS A BETTER FUCKING PARENT THAN THIS!!! If she knows that Chloe is bad enough that Marinette would rather avoid going to school than be around her, THEN SHE WOULD EITHER BRING IT UP WITH FACULTY, PULL HER OUT OF SCHOOL, OR JUST DO SOMETHING OTHER THEN TELL HER TO KEEP HER FUCKING CHIN UP!! IT'S NONSENSE LIKE THIS THAT MADE PEOPLE ANGRY AT CALINE IN ZOMBIZOU!!!!

Oh, and let's get into the next part of why this is nonsense to me. First off, what the absolute FUCK happened that made Marinette go from "ugh, it's Chloe, best to ignore her, she's not worth it" to "literally running and hiding and cowering behind doors over Chloe"? THAT IS NOT A NATURAL CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR!! It's Summer Break, not an entire year, there is no realistic reason for their dynamic to change like that!!! 

Okay, Marinette somehow had a bunch of bugs hiding under her books. HOW? If there were any bugs in her locker, they would've been ON THE BOOKS, because textbooks are way too heavy for a significant number of books to be capable of moving around beneath them. If you tried to put her books on top of them, they would just squash them. 

Moving on from the inconsistency I was fixating on to distract myself from RAGE, we get Damocles appearing at just the right time to cause trouble and yelling at Marinette for not being in class apparently for the eighth time in a week. And "good thing an anonymous student warns me when your about to break the rules" WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING HELL IS THIS SHIT!? Seriously, an "anonymous tip" every fucking time!? Does this idiot not seem to understand the concept of a fucking SET UP?!? 

...The "anonymous tip" is literally using Chloe's name. This isn't just contrived, THIS IS FUCKING MORONIC!!! 

HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT IS THIS GUY SUPPOSED TO BE!? 

...And they made Mendeleiev an idiot, dismiss Marinette's distress as "clowning around" I AM GOING TO BURN THIS VIDEO TO THE GROUND!!! I CANNOT STAND THIS SHIT!! 

And they've got Chloe making fun of Juleka's stutter, which she never had in any of the first three seasons. Ugh. 

...Uuuhhh... they had Rose saying Chloe's mother left her... WHEN NONE OF THEIR CLASS EVEN KNEW ABOUT THAT UNTIL SEASON TWO!!! Rose also got threatened by Chloe to, so this is just idiotic.

If this is meant to be an attack on the idea of people using Chloe's missing mom to excuse her behavior, THIS NEVER ONCE OCCURRED ANYWHERE IN THE SERIES PRIOR TO THIS MOMENT UNLESS IT WAS LILA!! Heck, the only person who has EVER unironically attempted to justify something Chloe had done (or rather, hadn't done) was Sabrina on Chloe's behalf by claiming Chloe forgot birthdays a lot because her mom forgot hers all the time... and Chloe got PISSED at her over this because she doesn't like her mom being brought the fuck UP!! And what makes this nonsense so utterly stupid is that EVERYONE seems to know that Chloe is the culprit, and could easily expose her, and they aren't doing so!! I AM PISSED OFF!! I AM ANNOYED!!! I WANT TO WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER!!! 

Honestly, Kim offering swimming trunks to replace someone's ruined pants is the closest to being in character he’s in this entire episode. 

I am not even going to comment on this show acting as if just one school year ago Chloe ruled the school with an iron fist and could dictate who Marinette could and could not talk to, BECAUSE IT IS UTTER FUCKING NONSENSE!! Chloe did NOT flagrantly break the rules and get away with it due to teachers dismissing her actions as being "wild accusations" she genuinely TRIED to avoid getting caught when she acted out, and she didn't target Marinette in specific more than anyone else!! NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE!!! THIS IS LITERALLY JUST CHARACTER ASSASSINATION!! 

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THIS NONSENSE ABOUT THERE BEING "NO REST" FOR MARINETTE!! I DO NOT WANT TO HERE THIS BULLSHIT BEING SPOKEN BECAUSE THIS IS SO WILDLY AND SEVERELY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR CHLOE!! SHE DOES NOT GO OUT OF HER WAY TO TORMENT PEOPLE FOR HER AMUSEMENT!! SHE RARELY TORMENTS PEOPLE AT ALL, SHE IS JUST AN OBNOXIOUS BRAT!!! I WANT THIS STUPIDITY TO FUCKING END!!! 

IF IT ISN'T CLEAR!! I AM BEYOND PISSED OFF AT THE MOMENT!!! WHY THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WOULD ANY OF THE TEACHERS BE AFRAID OF A TEENAGE GIRL!?! THEY LITERALLY HAVE ALL THE POWER IN THE DYNAMIC!! WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE SOCQUELINE INTO THIS BRAVE PROTECTOR FOR MARINETTE WHEN THIS COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDERMINES THE FACT THAT ALYA WAS APPARENTLY THE FIRST ONE TO CONVINCE HER TO STAND UP FOR HERSELF!?? YOU CANNOT FUCKING SAY IT IS BECAUSE IT DIDN'T SINK IN UNTIL NOW OR SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT BECAUSE SOCQUELINE APPARENTLY WENT SO FAR AS TO PHYSICALLY THREATEN CHLOE, WHEN ALL ALYA DID WAS PULL MARINETTE AWAY FROM CHLOE AND BARELY DID ANYTHING DIRECTLY AT ALL!! GET THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT OUT OF MY FACE!!!

I am not eveN GOING TO FUCKING PRETEND TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE BARE MINIMUM REASON THEY ARE GIVING FOR MARINETTE TO PURSUE KIM BECAUSE IT BRINGS BACK ALL OF THE BULLSHIT FROM KURO NEKO IN THAT IT ACCIDENTALLY FRAMES MARINETTE'S CRUSHES IN THE MOST SHALLOW AS FUCK WAY IMAGINABLE!!! 

ALSO, WHY IN THE FUCK ARE KIM AND MAX GOOD ENOUGH FRIENDS IN THE PRESENT WHEN WE ARE LITERALLY GIVEN A SCENE OF KIM BEING SUCH AN INSENSITIVE JACKASS TO TAUNT MAX OVER NEEDING CLASSES!? 

THEY EXPLICITLY HAD HIM SCREAM AT KIM IN ANGER FOR HIM TO STOP AND HIM TO JUST SHRUG IT OFF BY ASKING MAX TO LAUGH A LITTLE!!! HOW DID THESE TWO SOMEHOW BECOME CLOSE ENOUGH FRIENDS FOR MAX TO AGREE TO WORK WITH KIM ON CONFESSING TO CHLOE IN DARK CUPID!? SINCE WHEN WAS HAVING A LAUGH THIS FUCKING IMPORTANT TO KIM AT ALL!?!?! 

I am literally too fucking angry to even go for all caps. This is nonsense taken to the NTH degree. Making Chloe cartoonishly evil does not make her more unlikable, it is bad writing. Making Kim so fucking stupid he doesn't get what "confessing feelings to him" means and being convinced to go along with a prank because he's too fucking stupid to understand what's going on is bad writing. THIS ENTIRE EPISODE is bad writing. I just... I am not even gonna pretend to tolerate this. 

Trying to be FUCKING self aware about Marinette's future obsession about confessing DOES NOT FUCKING WORK WHEN SHE LITERALLY NEVER HAS HAD THAT FUCKING PROBLEM WITH LUKA!!!

See, what makes all this bullshit utter nonsense is that, by all rights, if ANY OF THIS, the backstory in general, took place... then MARINETTE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO COME WITHIN A HUNDRED FEET OF EITHER KIM OR CHLOE!! WHY IN THE WORLD IS SHE WILLING TO EVEN BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THE TWO OF THEM IF THEY HURT HER LIKE THIS!? WHY IS SHE ABLE TO BE CIVIL WITH KIM WHEN HE HAS NOT APOLOGIZED OR EVEN REALIZED WHAT THE FUCK HE DID WAS WRONG IN NEARLY A FUCKING YEAR!? WHY WAS MARINETTE ABLE TO WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO FUCKING TRAUMATIZED HER DURING ANIMAESTRO, OR ANY OF THE TIMES SHE CALLED ON QUEEN BEE!? WHY WOULD SHE SAY SHE THINKS CHLOE IS ABLE TO CHANGE IN SEASON TWO IF THEY HAD A PAST LIKE THIS!? FUCK THIS NOISE!! FUCK IT WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW!!! 

IF ANYONE TRIED TO TELL ME THAT THE WRITERS PLANNED THIS OUT AHEAD OF TIME, I WOULD BELIEVE THEM BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE SUCH FUCKING HACKS THAT I WOULDN'T TRUST THEM NOT TO CHOP DOWN A TREE BY LEANING ON IT!!! 

THESE IDIOTS WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND CONTINUITY IF IT HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD WITH A HISTORY TEXTBOOK!! 

HERE’S ANOTHER BIG ISSUE WITH THIS FUCKING FIASCO OF AN EPISODE, APPARENTLY CHLOE VIDEO TAPED THE ENTIRE INCIDENT AND POSTED IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA!! HOW IS ANYONE UNAWARE OF THIS NONSENSE!? 

Okay, never mind, they had Mary Socqueline kick the phone out of midair. WHY!? 

DO NOT EVEN TRY AND PRETEND THAT MAKING MARINETTE INTO A FUCKING STALKER WAS ALL MEANT TO BE PART OF SOME TRAUMATIC BACKSTORY, THAT THIS IS SOMETHING SHE WOULD DO WITH ANY GUY SHE LIKES, NOT WHEN LITERALLY NONE OF THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT EVER APPLIED DURING HER RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKA!!! GET THIS NONSENSICAL BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! 

DO NOT EVEN TRY AND DO A TONAL WHIPLASH BY SWITCHING FROM MARINETTE BAWLING HER EYES OUT IN THE BATHROOM WITH CHLOE COMPLAINING TO THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT SOCQUELINE!!! DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO FUCKING GO THERE!!!

GET THIS NONSENSICAL SHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT WITH SOCQUELINE GETTING SUSPENDED!! I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER AND I KNOW THIS EVENT IS CHARACTER ASSASSINATING BULLSHIT!! EVEN WHEN CHLOE LEANED ON ALYA TO BE PUNISHED IN LADY WIFI, SHE ACTUALLY HAD A FUCKING LEG TO STAND ON, AND ONLY GOT THE SEVERITY OF HER PUNISHMENT INCREASED!! THE MAYOR DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO REPLACE THE PRINCIPAL!! IT WAS EXPLICITLY A FUCKING PLOT POINT DURING THE BATTLE OF THE QUEENS TRILOGY THAT HE HAS EXTREMELY LIMITED POWER OVER THE SCHOOL SYSTEM, AND THE MOST HE COULD DO WAS GET THE SCHOOL CLOSED FOR A FUCKING DAY!! HE IS NOT EVEN ON THE FUCKING SCHOOL BOARD!!! 

THEY FUCKING MADE SOCQUELINE RIP OFF ALYA'S MAJESTIA SPEECH FUCK THIS NOISE!!! 

OH GREAT ANOTHER FUCKING CASE OF A CHARACTER RESISTING A FUCKING AKUMATIZATION, LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL THESE DAYS!! 

WHY IS THIS IDIOT SAYING THAT CHLOE IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL TO HIS GIRLFRIEND!? WHERE DID THIS MORON'S BRAIN DISAPPEAR TOO!? 

MARINETTE, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE WITH FUCKING SAYING IT'S ALL CHLOE'S FAULT, NO ONE FORCED YOU TO DECIDE TO PROMISE TO FUCKING STALK PEOPLE, OR TEAM UP WITH THE PERSON WHO ALLEGEDLY TRAUMATIZED YOU, ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN YOUR ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP WITH LUKA MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT YOUR VOW IS TOTAL BS!!! 

THIS ALSO IS NOT HOW TRAUMA WORKS!! IT DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER IF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT CAUSES TRAUMA, OR WHERE IT CAME FROM, THE TRAUMA WILL STILL FUCKING EXIST!! YOU HAVE TO PUT IN THE FUCKING WORK TO OVERCOME IT AND LEARN TO ADAPT IN YOUR DAY TO DAY LIFE!! THERE IS NO HAVING A MAGICAL EPIPHANY THAT'LL MAKE IT ALL GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!

AFTER ALL, IF ANY OF THAT SHIT WERE TRUE, I WOULDN'T BE HALF AS FUCKED UP AS I AM BY ALL THE BULLSHIT MY GRANDFATHER HAS PUT ME THROUGH!! DO YOU EVEN COMPREHEND HOW UTTERLY TONE DEAF, OFFENSIVE, AND SELF-RIGHTEOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL THIS ENTIRE FIASCO OF AN EPISODE IS SUPPOSED TO BE!? ANY POSSIBLE UPSIDE OF MARINETTE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT SHE'S A FUCKING STALKER WAS TAKEN AWAY BY MAKING IT "ALL CHLOE'S FAULT" AND I AM NEVER GOING TO LET THIS FUCKING GO!!! 

DO NOT EVEN GO THERE WITH THE "HE DESERVES TO GET HURT!!" THIS IS NOT WHAT ADRIEN AGRESTE IS LIKE, I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN IF MARINETTE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND, HE IS NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON!!! AND NO, THE BIG MOMENT HASN'T HAPPENED YET, BUT I CAN TELL IT'S GONNA BE SOON!!! 

And it happened GET THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT OUT OF MY SIGHT!! WHAT THE HELL EVER HAPPENED TO "THERE'S AN ACTUAL LIVING PERSON UNDER THERE" SPEECH WHEN HE ACTUALLY CATACLYSMED MONARCH!? STOP FUCKING TREATING ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS AND HORRIFIC THINGS IN THE SERIES AS SOMETHING ADRIEN JUMPS TO WHEN HE IS PISSED THE FUCK OFF, BECAUSE IT IS PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF!!! WHY IS HE GIVING MORE CONSIDERATION TO A GUY WHO HAS ACTIVELY TRIED TO GET HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND KILLED MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE THEN A FELLOW TEENAGER WHOSE WORST CRIME IS BEING A FUCKING MORON!?!? I'M DONE!! I AM DONE WITH THIS BULLSHIT!! NOTHING CAN MAKE THE WRITING COME BACK FROM THIS, NOTHING!!! 

FUCK OFF WITH THIS "YOU'RE GOING TO GO APOLOGIZE TO HER" BULLSHIT!! YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING ENABLING HER FOR MONTHS, YOU HAD ONE SHOT TO MAKE HER CHANGE FOR THE BETTER AND YOU FUCKING BLEW IT!!! FUCK IT ALL!! FUCK THIS!! FUCK YOU!! FUCK THE WRITERS!!! I'm done. I'm just... I'm done. I'm gonna keep doing my reviews, but this dug up some nasty wounds.

[gayhomolesbian]

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

"I'm fine, don't worry about it."

2. How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

she rarely uses it. if she calls you friend, it means she'd take a bullet for you.

3. How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

she no longer remembers how to.

4. What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

burd watching.

5. Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

yes, and either losing virgo (her first girlfriend) or the things scientists did to her that made her part cat.

6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

her favorite book is house of leaves, and she refuses to recommend it.

7. What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

just yell "rivhana bo bana (continue freestyling from here)" and she'll come to you.

8. How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

"those words can be in that order?"

9. Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

tough love. mainly due to her trying to keep a gruff exterior.

10. What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

she always loves showing off her psionic abilities.

11. If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

they'd ask about the handkerchief around her neck. only her closest confidants get the real story, others get a fabrication about it being a trophy from a fight she won as a kid.

12. What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

someone trying to act tough, edgelord levels of trying to act tough. if someone says something like "dont underestimate me, you have no idea what i can do!" she will just lose it.

13. When do they fake a smile? How often?

pretty much any time she smiles. Rivhana's got a lot of baggage, but she promised virgo she'd at least try to smile.

14. How do they put out a candle?

she uses her psionics to pinch the candle from a distance, or if she's feeling dramatic, she'd do a little spin, and put it out the same way as she spins.

15. What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

pretty much anytime she's not alone, she plays this act of being super tough, and the reliable one, but when she gets home, she drops everything, and just kinda lowers her guard in general.

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

pretty much anyone, could be friend, famiily, foe, or strangers.

17. What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

she notices her feline eyes, whereas most spot either her ears, or dark purple handkerchief first.

18. Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

she's only ever had three loves, two of which only happen in a single au each, and one always dies. she's fallen in love with virgo, who is either a novakid (starbound) or a human. virgo dies in every timeline, except one (the bad ending timeline), she does fall in love with a queen named livith in one timeline (livith is my friend's character) and a half dragon/human named luna (also one of my friend's characters) otherwise she usually ends up alone.

19. What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

she'd try her best to play it cool, but her ears and tail would betray her; ears folding backwards, and her tail swishing about.

20. Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

i do not understand the question

21. What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

"it's rude to stare at people" she grew up in the criminal underground, not to mention she's part cat, she watches suspicious people, and she won't ever stop.

22. What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

a bit cliche, but swimming! it's not some cat instinct thing, but rather general swimming anxiety from when she was not part cat, mixed with anxiety constantly telling her that her tail will absorb too much water, become too heavy, and she'll drown.

23. What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

she promised a friend they'd have tea and donuts when they got out of a killing game, and they never did. whether the other person doesn't remember I'm not certain.

24. Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

she thought about it, couldn't decide what cookie she wanted, so she just took the whole jar.

25. What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

she can make little flowers out of paper!

26. How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

a good boss? devastated.

27. What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

she was once given a scratching post. she then used the gifter as a scratching post. (she hates being compared to a cat, it feels demeaning to her, especially since the scientists treated her as less than human)

28. What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

she tells them she doesn't want anything. what she really wants is a hug.

29. How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

she uses her psionic powers to reach into their mind (asking permission first obv) and showing them her memory of the events they are talking about.

30. When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

greatly. professional guilt and personal guilt are wildly different. rivhana works as an assassin, so when she fucks up, her guilt is greater, but when she fucks up personally, the guilt cuts deeper.

31. When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

she feels the most guilt when she angers someone she trusts truly, and she kinda just runs, and hides in her bed.

32. If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

theft. she does it already a lot. or assault. she'll glady punch a creep in the nose, and then kick 'im in the dick.

33. How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

she greets people she doesn't like with a very polite and professional tone, rahter than her usual casual one.

34. How do they greet someone they like / love?

with a hug, and purring quite loudly. she's very casual, and lets some of her true emotions leak out.

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

she's made a lot of morally questionable descisions.... i'd have to go with stealing a candy bar from the 7-11.

36. Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?

her handler, without them she wouldn't be able to take on any jobs, and her carreer as an assassin would be over.

37. What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

how she became a mother. i will not elaborate further, iykyk.

38. What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

unsure

39. Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?

she'd rather be excluded. she hates perfomative gestures.

40. How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

she thinks the othe person is either uncomfortable, or eepy.

41. What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

"it's like sex in a canoe"

42. If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

how easy it is to steal from people, and she'd title it with "humans are stupid" and go over common pickpocket tactics, as well as the thought processes of thieves.

43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

money. when you say "you owe me 10" she thinks thousands, because assassin work pays well.

44. What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

i'm not sure (as i have no knowledge on languages outside of english) but she is from warsaw, so she speaks polish and english!

45. What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

lemons put on the side of soda glasses at restaurants.

46. Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

she's absolutely a listener, to get her to talk, you cuddle her, and offer to listen.

47. Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

the guy who saved her from her father.

48. Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

that friend she owes tea and donuts named hiro. they're gay best friends, and she would do anything for him.

49. Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

no, she would tell people she doesn't wanna.

50. What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

killing is okay, as long as it isn't frivolous. it doesn't matter who, as long as you have a reason.

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

fuck

52. Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

rivhana is fairly logical, and will gladly put her emotions to the side when making decisions.

53. Who would / do they believe without question?

any of the previously mentioned lovers.

54. What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

Fight.

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

most baked goods. her dream is to run a cafe, but she wouldn't buy 90% of the goods she sells there.

56. If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

she seeks comfort from virgo, usually by crying and holding onto her handkerchief.

57. What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

getting out of bed. even if the tail technically helps her keep balance, when first waking up in the morning she is a clumsy bitch.

58. How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

she never really slowed down to have a hobby, often just moving from one target to the next. the only exceptions are baking/cofee, which she hopes to one day use those to retire from her assassin job.

WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

What’s the lie your character says most often?

How loosely or strictly do they use the word ‘friend’?

How often do they show their genuine emotions to others versus just the audience knowing?

What’s a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Can they cry on command? If so, what do they think about to make it happen?

What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?

How loose is their use of the phrase ‘I love you’?

Do they give tough love or gentle love most often? Which do they prefer to receive?

What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?

If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?

What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

When do they fake a smile? How often?

How do they put out a candle?

What’s the most obvious difference between their behavior at home, at work, at school, with friends, and when they’re alone?

What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

What do they notice first in the mirror versus what most people first notice looking at them?

Who do they love truly, 100% unconditionally (if anyone)?

What would they do if stuck in a room with the person they’ve been avoiding?

Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?

What common etiquette do they disagree with? Do they still follow it?

What simple activity that most people do / can do scares your character?

What do they feel guilty for that the other person(s) doesn’t / don’t even remember?

Did they take a cookie from the cookie jar? What kind of cookie was it?

What subject / topic do they know a lot about that’s completely useless to the direct plot?

How would they respond to being fired by a good boss?

What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?

What do they tell people they want? What do they actually want?

How do they respond when someone doesn’t believe them?

When they make a mistake and feel bad, does the guilt differ when it’s personal versus when it’s professional?

When do they feel the most guilt? How do they respond to it?

If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?

How do they greet someone they dislike / hate?

How do they greet someone they like / love?

What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

Who do they keep in their life for professional gain? Is it for malicious intent?

What’s a secret they haven’t told serious romantic partners and don’t plan to tell?

What hobby are they good at in private, but bad at in front of others? Why?

Would they rather be invited to an event to feel included or be excluded from an event if they were not genuinely wanted there?

How do they respond to a loose handshake? What goes through their head?

What phrases, pronunciations, or mannerisms did they pick up from someone / somewhere else?

If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?

What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

What language would be easiest for them to learn? Why?

What’s something unimportant / frivolous that they hate passionately?

Are they a listener or a talker? If they’re a listener, what makes them talk? If they’re a talker, what makes them listen?

Who have they forgotten about that remembers them very well?

Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?

What belief / moral / personality trait do they stand by that you (mun) personally don’t agree with?

What’s a phrase they say a lot?

Do they act on their immediate emotions, or do they wait for the facts before acting?

Who would / do they believe without question?

What’s their instinct in a fight / flight / freeze / fawn situation?

What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

What’s a simple daily activity / motion that they mess up often?

How many hobbies have they attempted to have over their lifetime? Is there a common theme?

[sailormoonandme]

ANOTHER crazy Miraculous storyline I came up with this morning: Adrien dates Chloe

I don't mean in a 'what if' scenario.

I'm thinking like this is at least an episode or the status quo of the show for awhile.

See, whilst I want Adrien and Marinette to wind up together and be together, if this show is going to last 12-55 seasons, lets at least explore different angles. Lets at least see the characters in different relationships, including bad ones.

Sure, you could argue Marinette and Luka or Kagami and Adrien were bad relationships, but that's not quite what I am talking about. I'm not talking about people who could make Mari and Adrien happy (at least in the short term) but between emotional baggage and extenuating circumstances it doesn't work out. I'm talking about relationships where it is plain and obvious it is never going to work out and in fact be a train wreck. But, like many people (too many people, lets be honest), Adrien and Marinette make a bad, naive choice led by their hearts not their heads.

Of course, this scenario is so wacky you'd need to write it carefully to sell it. This is, off the top of my head, how you could maybe make it work.

On a weekend and there is some kind of social event that the school is participating in, Miss Bustier and Principle Damocles are attending too but it is optional.

Adrien is in two minds about going as it would have been his mother's birthday today. Obviously, Adrien is very low, but things go extra bad today. His father outright rejects him when he tries to do something with him to commemorate the day (it being just too painful for Gabriel). Nathalie is also busy, but, in one of her more selfish moments, side steps Adrien's attempts to talk about his mother because she is of course in love with Gabriel so it makes her feel uncomfortable/she has the opportunity right now to comfort Gabriel. Deciding that he is not in the party mood he opts for fencing practice instead and calls up Kagami for a sparring session.

Adrien loses at fencing bad due to being distracted. This has been happening a lot recently and Kagami has outright given up on him at this point. He tries to seek comfort from her, to open up but she also rejects him, throwing in his face how he's frankly not been all that nice to her (from her POV anyway, she doesn't know his secret) and now has the audacity to seek her out to make himself feel better, which was the real reason he called up Kagami today in the first place. She admits she wanted to instead go to the social gathering with Marinette and the others but chose him instead.*

Adrien next tries to seek out comfort in Nino, but he's too busy loved up with Alya to spend time with him, perhaps he is also at the gathering. Marinette is also seemingly unavailable, not returning his texts or calls, but this is because she is dealing with a villain, something Adrien is too down in the dumps to realise for awhile, forcing LB to fight alone.

When Cat Noir finally goes into action, they stop the villain but Ladybug rejects him for the umpteenth time, or maybe does it a lot more harshly than usual (if you wanna set this pre-season 5, he could also be redundant to the victory as LB has called in the other heroes, perhaps including Ryuko to rub salt in the wound).

Basically, Adrien is in an uber low and vulnerable place.

As for Chloe there are a few ways you can play this. But, what if her father is running for re-election and isn't around as much right now. Simultaneously her mother leaves for New York without telling Chloe, even taking Zoe with her. This pisses Chloe off big time obviously and when she and Sabrina gatecrash some kind of weekened social event involving her class, or the school, she sees everyone is displeased to see her there and is lavishing praise and affection on Marinette.

So, like in Penal Team, she actively invites Hawk Moth to akumatise her to ruin the day for everyone. In the course of the battle she very nearly kills everyone, including endangering Miss Bustier (who is still pregnant). The battle doesn't go well for her and Hawk Moth can tell she is going to lose. He actively withdraws the Akuma and tells Chloe he will never Akumatise her again because she has proven that she is simply incompetent.

When she is stopped everyone has had enough of her crap. The class, and school at large make it clear as crystal that they hate her. Even Miss Bustier can't bring herself to defend Chloe or implore the class into forgiving her this time. Principle Damocles suspends her from school, willing to risk the Mayor's wrath. Except her father doesn't intervene this time. He is actually furious because her antics have made his campaign all the harder and he isn't sure he is going to win. Her butler, aware of what she did, is cold and formal to her, having given up on her. Finally, even Sabrina walks away, saying enough is enough.

Basically, Chloe has been deconstructed, everyone having given up on her.

On this same bad day for both of them that Adrien and Chloe have a chance encounter. Both are lonely and desperate in this moment. In her vulnerability, Adrien sees not Chloe the mean girl queen bee of the school, but his first (and for the longest time, only) friend. Chloe of course has always been attracted to Adrien, but his status as her childhood friend right now is particularly important to her. Even if they were on the outs before, events have formed a perfect storm and they get together, Adrien now being too distracted to notice Marinette has begun replying to his earlier messages.

Obviously, Adrien and Chloe dating could cause turmoil amongst Marinette and the supporting cast. But at the same time, you could explore the full trainwreck between the two of them. Adrien could be turning a blind eye to instances of Chloe's bad behaviour (which there are fewer instances of since she is not going to school for the time being) and might even delusionally believe he can 'make her better'. Simultaneously, Chloe, having finally gotten Adrien like she always wanted, is starting to find he in fact isn't her type.

Obviously, it ends in tears but both have grown wiser as a result. Chloe might resolve to be a bit nicer or at least not go for boys like Adrien. And Adrien will try to be more wary of people like Chloe, realising it is foolish to try and change them

*Or, if you'd established this status quo beforehand, they might've been dating and she dumps him here.

[someonewhowannadielol]

My name is JK (Alien!Jungkook! x Human!Reader)

PART TWO (SEQUEL TO ‘MY NAME IS 01001010 01001011′)

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

LINK TO MASTERLIST

Warning: Tooth-rotting fluff, Jungkook being a cutie, ok the real warning tags are Daddy kink, birthday sex, innocent reader being trained (???), lots of hicks and marking, cunt slapping, oral sex, uhh and jk being a competitive baby.

Genre: Fluff, Smut, if you squint and look closely, a little bit of humour.

Word Count: 5.6k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

It had been a week since Jungkook had, ahem, dicked you down. And it has been the best week of your life so far – he showed you things you had never seen before, the most beautiful scenes that your eyes feasted upon. You both had gone to the Neon Valley, it was a vast blue-purple lake that lit up at night due to the minerals on the sand bed below, and the lilies residing there would dance every night.

They fluttered, swung and swayed – and simultaneously, Jungkook and you too, had danced – he took you in his arms and as you both slow danced to the humming of the diva-crackers, you couldn’t help but look at his gorgeous face, adorned with a smile that you’d never replace for anything in this universe. You could feel yourself falling for him, he twirled you with ease, and as you stumbled back into his arms, he lost his balance trying to save you from falling and splash! 

You both had ended up in the hot water, and despite the current situation, you both had burst into boisterous laughter which echoed across the plain field around. In the shining moonlight, Jungkook’s face was more lit up than the neon water they were in, his long hair sprawled across his forehead, as he pushed it back with his left hand, while holding your waist with his right arm.

Jungkook looked at you with such intensity, you didn’t really know how to react. both of you knew you wanted more than just cuddles on your couch that was too small for Jungkook, more than grocery shop romances, and trekking on the artificial mountain, and more than watching movies together,, more than cuddling under the tree at the main park, more than making fun of each other, you wanted each other so much more badly.

“Kiss me,” Jungkook whispered, his face getting dangerously close.

“I’m scared,” Of course you were, but you didn’t move away from me.

“Of what?” Jungkook’s eyebrows bunched up like they always do when he’s confused.

“Of falling. Of drowning,” you answered as you looked into his eyes, how could someone not fall for him?

“Well, I’m already drowning, so don’t be scared, silly,” Jungkook’s eyes formed from his usual doe eyes to half-moon crescents and, you were no longer afraid to fall.

Because he was there, he will always be there, right beside you.

Fuck. You couldn’t help but curse as you saw the red spot on your lavender sheets, they were my favorite sheets. You had really bad mood swings when you were on your period, and you were basically uncontrollable. You saw Jungkook’s figure on the left side of the bed, sleeping peacefully, his chest heaving up and down as he breathes consistently.

“Baby,” you whined, as you almost pushed him off the bed. There was no way that you were going to the pharmacy to get the goods, so he was your only choice possible.

He stumbled as he got up, sleep still swimming in his eyes, as his hands went up to rub them, trying to get rid of the slumber that had taken over him.

“Yes, princess?” he asked in his hoarse voice – which turned you on (especially a lot now, since your uterus was sad, lonely and angry). His eyes travelled to the blood on the sheets, and it would be an understatement to say that he had a heart attack.

He immediately engulfed you in his arms, “Are you hurt anywhere?” he said, unable to breathe, because fuck, if anything ever happened to you, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

The worry in his eyes was making you feel guilty; did he even know what was happening?

“Jungkook, chill,” you laughed a little before directing him to the side of the bed, telling him to sit.

“Humans – well, only females – have to go through a period of time where they bleed. From down there,” you explain, and watch him go into a slight state of shock.

The poor baby just woke up 2 minutes ago, so this was probably hard to digest.

“You… you’re bleeding… and you don’t go to the hospital?”

“Does it hurt?” he asks in the timidest voice ever, careful not to offend you. He remembers once he asked you about body hair and since it was your biggest insecurity (cue Middle School flashbacks when you were the only girl with a slight unibrow and mustache), you couldn’t help but lash out on him.

“Yeah, it hurts a lot in my tummy,” you said on your way to the bathroom, “I need my supplies though, could you get them for me?”

Half an hour later, Jungkook returned with five bags of chocolates, chips and snacks �� enough to feed a small village. The entire week, he kept studying you (you swear you saw him looking at you and writing notes in his small notebook, like a detective. Sigh) and your mood swings and tendency to eat the weirdest food combinations – he couldn’t help but gag when he saw you dip a whole cucumber in peanut butter.

“Kookie, cuddle with me,” during the day you would make grabby hands at him, and get him to massage your back, but at night you’d be the complete opposite – wanting to sleep as far away from him as possible. He also noted that you were more sensitive to jokes during the week, so he kept them at a minimum, and his praises at a maximum.

“Baby, you know, you look so cute in my arms,” he cooed, as he kissed your cheek while cuddling. He didn’t miss the blush that crept on your cheeks either.

Also, despite all the bleeding, you were ready to jump his bones anytime. He hasn’t had this much sex with anyone in one week. Not that he minded it.

You were more than ecstatic when you saw your favourite-est food in the world stocked in the human section of the grocery store. Spicy Hot Korean Ramen! You still remember when eating this used to be a challenge, back on Earth.

As you stacked the basket with half the stock, Jungkook couldn’t help but look at the ingredients – what was it that made you love them so much?

He was well, more than shocked to see all the different kinds of spices that humans could barely tolerate, chili flakes, red pepper oil, habanero flavored seasoning… he couldn’t let you eat this!

“Baby, this is too spicy for you, maybe we should buy this,” he pointed to the boring chicken and cheese flavored ramen. No! You were going to buy the spicy one and that’s finalized. Of course, Jungkook looked at you, and couldn’t argue. He doesn’t think he could argue with you even if he tried to.

Back at the apartment, Jungkook bit his tongue, trying not to say “I told you so,” as you fought your tears while eating the horrendous noodles. You were positive you could never feel your numb tongue as you chugged down the glass of strawberry milk that Jungkook handed you.

As expected, Jungkook was prepared for the stomach ache you experienced throughout the night, and gave you medicine to recover.

Before sleeping, you heard him sigh before saying, “I told you so,”

Jungkook had noticed you a lot, ever since you moved in with him. You didn’t have much belongings anyways, because you were only allowed to carry 100 pounds of baggage on the space craft, so you only carried the essentials. (Yes, you brought an oven. Yes, it was 77 pounds heavy. No regrets.)

While getting accustomed to his cozy, but huge apartment, you couldn’t help but trip over furniture. At first, it was his coffee table in the kitchen, next to the refrigerator. Every time you would get something to eat, your pinky would hit the leg of the table, causing you to splutter nonsense and then cry about it.

His bed was also higher than you expected it to be, so every day, for an entire month, after waking up you would underestimate the height – and always, always fall down from it.

He was extremely shocked by your ability to ignore pain, and to continue suffering every day because of the same cause at the same place. It’s okay, because now he’d hold you as you stepped out of the bed, and moved the coffee table to the other side of the kitchen.

He also noticed that humans don’t always have a thought out sleep schedule, they did as they pleased. Last night, you were pretty much half asleep at 4 AM, as you tried to finish the last episode of the new Netflix series.

“You were so sleepy, yet you continued to watch it without even understanding what’s happening?” he asked as soon as you woke up, to which you shrugged.

Again, next week, you forced yourself to get up at 5AM in the morning, so you could go for a jog. After all, you were thinking of getting more fit, all you did was lay on the couch. But as you headed in the bathroom for a shower after the run, he couldn’t help but think that humans are weird.

The first time Jungkook heard you crunch your bones, he was so scared, you almost though he would faint. He threw his game controller on the floor, as he ran towards you – thinking you had dislocated a limb, or something.

“Kookie, I was j-just stretching,” you could barely make out the words, trying to hold in your laughter as he tried to make sure you were okay.

With a sigh, he ran his hand through his fluffy – much longer – hair now, as he headed back to continue his game, “Baby, you’re so weird,”

“But you still love me?” you asked as you joined him on the couch, laying your head on his lap.

“I will always love you. Even if your bones crack,”

Bonus: When you got up at night for a midnight snack, you were surprised to see that Kookie wasn’t in bed with you. You later found him in his office, studying about how a human’s joint makes loud popping or cracking sounds because of the gas gathered there. He was finally content to ensure that you were safe.

Of course, you smothered him in hugs and kisses, because he always looked out for you. Always.

After a few weeks of being in Corellia, you had started to well… miss Earth. It was natural to do so; you’d lived your entire life there.

“I miss the sunsets, they were so pretty,” you spoke as you showed him a polaroid of you and your sister with the sunset behind you both. You pointed towards the one sun you had, and the purple, pink and orange hues of the clouds.

In an attempt to make you happy, Jungkook gave you a chocolate, they always made you happier, and he’d read somewhere something about chemicals in it making humans happier. But he was surprised to see you dancing (terribly) to a pop song, that seemed a little annoying, but he could deal with it.

The song had seemed to lighten your mood a lot, as you danced along with him happily, and as you looked at him, you felt happier. His long, wavy hair bounced as he danced with you. His eyes were smiling, and it was so pure that you laughed along. You were happy finally.

Until two weeks later, when you came across a photo of you and your high school class, trekking up a mountain on your senior trip to the north. Jungkook saw you sad again, missing Earth and your loved ones. Some were dead, some didn’t make it here, and some lived on the hotter side of the planet.

He put up the same pop song again, and cuddled with you on the couch. For the first time ever, you really felt grateful to God for something. You felt grateful that you were alive, and that you had Jungkook along with you. He looked how he looked every day, wearing a casual white t-shirt and grey baggy sweatpants. You adjusted yourself on his lap, and looked at him, and looked into his brown eyes. As you traced his face with your finger, he laughed, “Princess, do you feel better?”

You smile at the word of endearment, kissing his cheek, “You make me realize the difference between a house and a home. A house is a place, made with bricks and concrete, and materialistic items. But a home, is so much different. A home is where you feel belonged, a home is a place where you get that feeling of love. You make me finally realize how Earth was more of a house for me, but here, in your arms, I finally feel like I’m at home,”

You never thought Jungkook would be an overprotective boyfriend. Or a way too over protective boyfriend. During sex, he would go crazy on your body – sometimes treat you like a china doll, fragile and easily breakable, and sometimes it would be rough and harsh, not that you minded it.

His apartment was well, more suited for Jubal people because the ceilings, the bed, and of course, the kitchen cabinets were all bigger in height and size in comparison to your apartments back on Earth. Often, without thinking Jungkook would put food on the top most cabinets, and you often either felt too embarrassed, or too stubborn to ask for his help.

Which resulted in you – dangerously – climbing on the shelf to grab your precious food. This was a routine now, so you didn’t exactly pay attention to your limbs – just letting your muscle memory do the work for you. Right foot on the counter, and then you push your left knee as well, until you’ve made yourself stable on the counter top. Then, you stand up, holding the cabinet handle. Today was the same, but Jungkook had recently scrubbed clean the shelves, so they were more slippery than usual, and there was a fleeting moment when you thought you were about to fall (which would, by the way, give you the nastiest head injury), and before you realized it, Jungkook had looped his arm around your waist.

You were still shocked – chips in hand – when he settled you on his lap, almost like a child.

“Princess, what were you thinking?” he says as he lets you turn around, so you straddling his lap.

“I just wanted some chips, Kook,” you say with an amused grin. He was obviously distressed, as he sighed while running his hands through his hair, like he would when he was frustrated.

“Baby, you have to tell me if you need something from there, okay? What if you had hurt yourself?” his voice seemed to get louder with every words, and just like that, your amused grin was replaced with a pout, as you lowered your head.

 You didn’t mean to make him angry like that.

Looking at you, he knew he couldn’t ever stay mad at you. It was physically impossible for him. He hugged you, and your head rested on his cheat, feeling his fast heartbeat morphed into a more, stable and steady beat, “I’m just always worried for you. Even if everything is wrong, it’s alright, you’re the only good thing in my life,”

It had been ages since you had gone to a festival, and there was going to be a carnival-like festival in Corellia soon. You didn’t think Jungkook would be that interested, so you were quite surprised to see him… so excited about it.

“It comes twice in a year, you have to come! I’ve heard they’ve made it more human themed this year, so you feel welcomed, but we’ll have our traditional rides too!” he spoke with a gleam in his eyes, as you both got ready.

Jungkook of course, made sure you were wearing at least five layers of clothes, two pairs of gloved, and three pairs of socks. It was night time, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight of you looking like a walking marshmallow.

“Baby, you look so cute!” he exclaimed, holding your hand. The dead town looked really alive tonight, as the red, yellow, purple and other multicolored lights lit the place up, to make it feel even more alive. You were really shocked at the amount of people present, but that’s what made it even more fun.

The first thing had to be food, you got two plates of fries, because, well, is it even possible or human to share food? And that too, fries? No way. 

Jungkook had recently discovered ketchup, and now he would dip everything in it before eating. Ramen, dipped in ketchup. Chips, dipped in ketchup. Bread, dipped in ketchup. And now, you saw him cover every single chip in ketchup before eating it. While you thought this was disgusting, you were still amused by his new found love for it.

You both scared a giant cup of strawberry milkshake, that looked like it was out of a romcom, cotton candy pink color, with whipped cream on top. And naturally, the cherry. Your noses touched, as you both drank at the same time, and you couldn’t help but want to live in the moment forever.

You both had spent the night, either enjoying rides that were too scary, and hazardous to experience but at the same time too fun to miss out on, or competition with each other to the next level. You knew Jungkook had always been a competitive little shit, whether it was about who would cook better and faster, or about who loved the other one more, he was always in a competition. This was no exception either, as you both we immersed in a car racing game, where you were well, obviously losing.

You had never really been the best at arcade games, and this car games was extremely frustrating, because the goddamn seat was too big and your legs could barely reach the pedals on the bottom while holding onto the steering wheel simultaneously. He laughed as you struggled to multitask, and at one point you didn’t realise you were going the wrong way until you heard Jungkook laughing so hard, he was struggling to breath. Three tries later, Jungkook had had his fair share of victories as he put you in his lap, and told you to focus on the steering only. He’d handle the pedals part. Together, you guys had broken the fastest record of the day and of course, he had to congratulate you. And the congratulations came in a form of a heated kiss – which wasn’t liked by the Jubals waiting in line to play the game.

Later, you both had way too much fun beating others in basketball as you paired up, and beat a Jubal power couple. Then came the bumper cars. The same Jubal power couple had hit your and Jungkook’s car so hard that you almost flew across the set-up, if it wasn’t for the seatbelt, and Jungkook’s arm around the waist. It was safe to say that Kook took his revenge by hitting their car repeatedly, as he shoved them into a corner. You kissed your over protective boyfriend on the cheek, he was just so fricking cute.

You both ate more food than you could handle, and as you were walking, Jungkook bought a donut and tried to feed you.

“No! No, Kook, I swear!” you tried to get away from him, but he held your waist as he pushed the donut in your mouth, smearing it over your cheek in the process.

“Kook!” you exclaimed, as he kissed you, and licked away any leftover icing.

You couldn’t help but blush when he smirked, “Sweet.”

At the end of it all, you pushed Kook into a small photo booth that sat on the other end of the carnival.

“Please? Come on!” you tried to show him your puppy eyes, and turned your lips into a pout.

“But baby, I don’t look good in photos!” he whined as you inserted the money to take a four portrait photo.

“Please? Just this once? For me?” you pouted again, and pushed him in with you, and you tried to drag his arms.

“You can’t give me the puppy dog face! You know I can’t say no to that!” he whined, adjusting you in his lap.

“Just pose, Kookie,” you said as you closed the red curtain on the side. In the first one, your arms were around his neck as you laughed and looked in the camera, and he looked at you, pouting. The second one, you both looked at each other and smiled, his hands in your hair. The third had been him grabbing your face, squishing you cheeks and bringing you closer (but because of the movement – it was also blurred, at which you were disappointed, but Kook assured you it looked good), and lastly, in the fourth one, you were kissing passionately, while Jungkook smiled in the kiss.

You both climb the small hill, where people are buying and lighting their lanterns in an orderly manner. You both buy one, and you end up writing “JK X Y/N” on it with red paint, and before Jungkook lights it, he adds a red heart, and “4EVER,” underneath which looks so cheesy, that it makes you laugh.

He looks at you, and kisses your forehead. Around 10:30, everyone lets go of their lanterns, and you both also let go of yours, letting it fly in the sky, as Jungkook cups your cheeks and pushes your hair back, before kissing you, sweet and slow.

The night had come to an end as all the Jubals were leaving too. You didn’t know exactly what time it was, but it was definitely i-can’t-walk-o’ clock, as Jungkook gave you a piggy back ride without any questions when he saw you stumbled into others. In one hand you held the teddy bear he had won from the water gun thingy, and in the other you held a cotton candy like sweet – but it wasn’t exactly cotton candy. It was blue and purple, and shined because of the crystallized sugar on it.

The last thing you remember was resting your face where his shoulder and neck met and mumbling, “This was the best day of my life,”

If someone had told you that you’d have a cook off with an alien in two months’ time, you would’ve laughed in their face. But. Here you were. Trying to cook the best alfredo pasta he would ever taste in his life.

You tried to glance on his cooking station multiple times, only to be pushed back, “Baby! It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

Jungkook really seemed to be absorbed in the cooking process, and you were starting to feel deprived of his love and adoration that he would usually shower at you when he was not working in his office.

30 minutes later, he brought you his favourite dish, the one that his mother used to cook for him when he was younger. It was orange red-ish coloured deep fried small cutlets, that smelled… amazing. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it tasted like, it was salty, but in a different way. And so, so, yummy. You were a little insecure when Jungkook took a bite of your pasta, and showed no emotion.

Oh no, you had tasted it and it felt pretty normal, juts how you’d make it on Earth. Was he allergic to something in it?

“Baby, what did you put in this?” he asked, but he didn’t seem to stop eating it. He didn’t speak anything until, well, he finished the dish.

“Can you make that for me every day?”

It had been over six months, since you and Jungkook had been seeing each other. Naturally, as a couple you both did fight – mostly over stupid stuff, like which restaurant to go to, or disagreements on what to buy etc. But you both would always sort it out, no matter what it was, he was always by your side.

It was his birthday, and Jubals never really celebrated their birthday – “Why would you celebrate this? I’m just one more year near death,” he said as you told him about ‘Earth Traditions’.

Albeit to whatever he said, you made yourself busy when he went out to meet the gang. You’d met them a couple of times before, being much closer to Taehyung because he never really questioned whatever you did, and just went along with it. You had enjoyed Jimin and Jin’s company as well (mostly because they cooked for you, not gonna lie).

As you hung up the balloons that said, “Happy Birthday!” individually, you had started to well, decorate yourself as well.

You knew how Jungkook always looked at you as if you were the most pure creature in this universe, his innocent little baby, so you decided to dress the part. Dressed in white panties, with a small bow on them, you adjusted your pink tinted, bra that came along with it. It left little to the imagination, as it was see-through, but there were small bows on each nipple, making you look like a present. You’d never really been the one to dress up in stockings as well, but here you were, tweaking your garter, as the pink shaded white see-through material latched on your legs as a second skin. Now, you waited patiently.

He finally came, around half past seven, and looked better than ever. You’d worn your silk robe that you would usually wear around, so he wouldn’t suspect anything. He looked so happy, his eyes crunched up into its usual crescent shape as he laughed while blowing the candles and eating your home-made cake. He had always loved your baking, so when you made his favourite Oreo cake, he was really, really happy. You’d made him a teddy bear – you were bad at sewing, but hey! A for effort.

“Kook, there’s a present in your bedroom too,” you said as you took his left hand and guided him in the bedroom. You had given him several gifts already, so why were you giving him another one?

“Baby, you didn’t have t-“ he stopped as soon as you dropped your robe in front of him, letting him take in the sight of you, clad in your lingerie that he had only imagined in his wildest fantasies.

The light hearted aura around him seemed to vanish, as a darker shade took over his eyes. Without speaking anything, he carried you bridal style, to the bed and laid you down softly on it.

“Gonna let me taint you, angel?” he asked, and at the sight of him, you couldn’t help but moan and nod.

“Use your words, baby,” he said as he let his fingers roam on your figure, and lit a fire in your core, making you overwhelmed.

“Yes, Daddy, please make love to me,” you whine, but he tsks on your choice of words.

“Angel, my princess,” he says as he leaves a trail of wet kisses from your neck to you collarbone, sucking on it, “I’m not going to love to you today, I’m going to fuck you, baby”

You gasp as he circles around the bow on your nipple, before ripping the thin material completely, letting the cool air hit your vulnerable skin.

As Jungkook just keeps looking at you, his long hair shadowing in front of his eyes, you can’t help but feel needy, “Daddy, please, touch me,” you whine, trying to get ahold of his hand.

He gently brings his mouth down, sucking on the little tip of your nipple, as his tongue works magic around it, and you’re already starting to get wet.

“It’s u-unfair that you’re all d-dressed up,” you moan, as you try to take off his white t-shirt. He chuckles as he takes off his shirt, letting you look at his god-like body. You were speechless when you first saw him, and you still are every time you both have sex.

His lean body, is just perfect in every way, and the way the moonlight hits his face, giving his face the shadows that come along with the highlights, you were dumbstruck at how breathtaking he was.

While Jungkook loved to mark you, mark your body, make you his, today was harsher, much more aggressive as he bit your chest, making you cry out in pleasure. He painted your body in hues of purple and bright pink, using his tongue to make each bruise feel better. As soon as he reached the hem of your underwear, he stopped, and that resulting in a whine from you.

“It’s my birthday, and you said I deserve anything on this day. So, princess,” he said, unbuckling his belt, and you swallow hard before he lets his cock free, ”let me fuck those beautiful tits,”

He pushes himself into your mouth without any warning, letting you groan and whimper as you produce enough saliva to make him sopping wet, “Good baby,” he whispers as he lets his dick between your tits.

You smiled, as you held your breasts together, and he slides his hardening member between them, “fuck baby, you’re so soft, so pretty for Daddy,” he murmurs obscene praises as you whimper in pleasure from the friction between your breasts.

He places his cock between them, and first experiments with his movements, and as time passes, he becomes faster, and messier. You both didn’t mind the mess, as his pre-cum lands on your chest, collarbone and nipples, and you can only whine in pleasure while letting him use your body.

His movements go from steady and fast to uncoordinated and stuttering, as he pulls out and pants, letting him catch his breath.

“Fuck, baby, they felt like heaven, but there’s something else, way better,” he grins as pulls himself down on your body, and looks as you underwear, directly. It makes you whimper, when you feel his hot breath through the thin material. He laps his tongue on it, and it feels so good, but not good enough, and you wish he would just take it off.

“Daddy, please, take it off,” you whine and he pulls your legs further apart and digs his face between them.

He smirks and looks at you, already fucked out as a blush stays on your cheeks. Angelic.

“Keep the stockings on, okay, sweetheart?” he says as his finger traced down your leg, as you shiver under his touch.

He comes up to you and cups your face, pressing a kiss against your cheek – and it felt so chaste in comparison to what you both had just done.

And before you could realize, he slips his fingers under the hem of your panties, and shreds them into pieces.

“What do you want from Daddy?” he stops in front of your clit, spreading your lips, waiting for your answer. He knew you were shy, too shy to speak vulgar words, but you were just so needy right now.

“Daddy, I need your tongue,” you speak, and let his tongue sit flat on your bud, it gave enough stimulation, but at the same time not enough, and you just needed more. You couldn’t help but buckle your hips into his face, and that resulted in his getting up and looking at you, making eye contact.

“You’re being ungrateful now, huh?” he says as he smacks the bud hard, where seconds ago he let his tongue rest. It’s painful, but at the same time, it just feels so, so good. He smacks it two more times before letting his teeth sink in your inner thigh, as you let lewd noises escape your mouth, as he further marks your thighs, and you knew, for sure that they would last a long time.

After a lifetime of teasing, he lets his tongue slurp the cum that escaped your pussy, as he went to town on it, eating you out as if he’s been starving for years. You let your moans escape as he slips his tongue inside you, and lets his nose rub against your clit. You were so close, just about to fall off the edge as he pulls himself away, and you whimper, grabbing the sheets as if your life depended on them.

“Your cunt is always, always so pretty and tasty for Daddy,” he smacks between your thighs again, making you gasp, “always ready for Daddy,”

His ruffled, brown hair shines in the dark of the room, the moonlight being the only source of light, illuminating his face.

He lets his dick enter you, gently, until you reach your limit and instead of waiting like he always does, he rams back into you again, letting you adjust with his steady movements, as you grab his hand and hold it. He always holds your hand when he’s being rough, to let you know that he can stop anytime. (but u is a hoe)

He slides out until only his tip is inside you, and lets himself into you all at once, fast and reckless. Wild. It isn’t long before your walls clench around him, “Daddy, I-I’m so close,” you say as your rub you clit, slowly with a continual movement.

You orgasm starts first, hot and sticky liquid, dripping down you thigh, staining your perfect stockings, and soon Jungkook follows, as his head buries in your neck, and he groans before letting himself loose.

“Happy Birthday, Kookie,” you whisper before letting him take you to the tub, where you both well, fuck again.

LINK TO MASTERLIST 

A/N: It’s always so fun to write alien!jk, and I hoped you guys liked it. Also, a huge thank you to @bisoo-ausucre for supporting me so much!

Could you please help me decide what to write first? Frat boy!jk OR titanic!au with Jimin as Jack? 

As always, requests are open, and so is my inbox. See you next time!

[ectonurites]

so..... streamer tim au...... my eyes and ears are wide open......

okay so prefacing this with the fact that i have never actually watched any streamers the closest thing was my irl friend who TRIED to be a streamer and failed miserably and one time me and my roommate and my boyfriend watched his stream and interacted with him not revealing it was us to both support and vaguely mock him (hes kinda a dick. more of an acquaintance from dnd stuff than a friend) BUT:

tim playing every superhero related game (i KNOW the Death of Superman videogame that exists irl is also real in canon because Kon mentions it several times) + him also playing that freakazoid game he played during YJ #53

Like I think in general he’d probably stream a lot more older games, any game that has a skateboarding function, and then also like Minecraft because it’s a classic. 

actually kinda unrelated but in my high school this one guy did a project our senior year where he made a to-scale recreation of our entire town in Minecraft using actual satellite data (this kid had also been our class president but did JACK SHIT WHEN HE WAS CLASS PRESIDENT. BUT HE COULD MAKE OUR WHOLE TOWN IN MINECRAFT) and I’m amused by imagining Tim trying to do something like that with parts of Gotham

i think for the most part he would stream stuff alone and due to the fact that like, if I’m placing this around the time he’s at Brentwood (again I’m kinda using the ‘its harder for him to go out as Robin as frequently since. Boarding School, thus he has a bit more time to fuck around and play video games’ idea) and it’s shortly after No Man’s Land, people like, are recognizing who Timothy Drake is by his face bc he was on the news for being missing so he’d be able to actually get a pretty decent following pretty quickly. Possibly Ives would hop on sometimes too though bc he’s also a huge nerd.

Then, if I am placing this as starting in the Brentwood era, The YJ kids (and also Steph!) don’t actually know Tim is Robin yet. Which is hilarious to imagine, like, them watching him stream games or some shit for a while and then once they connect the dots being like WAIT. MOTHERFUCKER. THAT WAS YOU?? Once they know though they spam the shit out of his chat and make his life hell but in an endearing way

Bruce is also not amused because this puts a higher profile on Tim which could jeopardize their identities however he knows Tim’s under a lot of stress all the time always and this seems to be something fun he enjoys doing so he doesn’t say anything. He watches his streams sometimes in the cave as background noise while doing other stuff.

I think Tim’d probably end up stopping doing any of it around when War Games happened if not a bit earlier, because just… The energy is gone. He can’t pretend to be okay on stream for all that and just loses the drive to do any of it, and especially considering the next several years just get worse and worse for him, it was probably a good time to call it quits.

which then

Years later, like, after Red Robin & stuff, I love the idea of Damian stumbling on all of it by accident when trying to dig up embarrassing shit on Tim and actually really ending up liking watching him play? kinda… humanizing Tim more for him I guess. Because Damian in pre-new 52 times really sees Tim as a rival and a jerk, but seeing him actually be a goofy kid doing something like that… could be cool. Give a bit different of a perspective. Also Damian being competitive and wanting to test his skills against Tim in a game leading to:

Damian casually dropping hints around Tim that he also likes video games (cheese viking cheese viking) and Tim honestly hadn’t even thought about his streaming and video game stuff in years because god life got hectic, and they end up going to an arcade together to have some brotherly fighting in games and it’s actually very fun 

and can kinda… become their thing. They still fight all the time, they’re still not particularly close because there’s so much baggage to unpack there, BUT them having video games together as kind of a common ground and also it lets them beat the shit out of each other in a way without physical harm since its just in a game 

anyways thank u for coming to my TED talk

[mimik-u]

“Snow Day” Thoughts:

Omg, Steven and I roughly wake up around the same time in the mornings. On weekdays, I drag my tired ass out of bed at seven, so I can have a few extra hours to myself to write and drink coffee before school and work.

Omg, I also drink a breakfast drink in the morning in lieu of eating breakfast. Wtf

AWH, the cheeseburger backpack!!! Remember when he was so excited to get it in the mail? 😭😭

SKSJSJS @ Garnet packing Cat Steven.

Omg, the Gems are in full mom mode, and I really love it. I’m tender. Steven is so bemused, though, lmao.

“Wait for us. We can head over together.” 😭 I’m going to be using this emoji a lot during this episode, okay?

“Yeah! Go get ‘em!” The Gems all place a hand on Steven’s head, and Steven scowls. 😭

No thoughts, only 😭.

“Surprise! We were sitting in the dark!” They were waiting on the couch for him!! Awhwhwhwhwhwhwhwh.

Do y’all remember back in S1 when the Gems were constantly leaving Steven behind to go on missions, when they were somewhat emotionally unavailable, when Steven slowly but gradually taught them how to play?? 😭

Awh, man, Steven. The gems are trying so hard to simply hang out with you, but you know, I get it. I think something about Future that’s really allowed me to empathize with Steven more than ever this series is that, well, he’s reminding me what it feels like to be sixteen. In and of itself, it’s a hella tense time. You’re navigating what it means to be on the precipice of adulthood while, really, you’re still just a kid in a lot of ways. You’re trying to reconcile the parts of your childhood that didn’t make sense, and well, sometimes hurt, and that manifests in ways you could never expect. You’re driving for the first time and gaining new friends, enjoying some newfound independence, but at the same time, you can be prone to moodiness. Hormones changing. The stress of school and extracurricular activities. You love your family, but in carving out your own identity, or, well, trying to figure it out in the first place, it’s far easier to push them away sometimes when you get stuck in your own head. Of, course, there’s no monolithic experience to being a teenager, but factor in some of these common struggles with Steven’s entire complex, which requires him to stress out over the tiniest details due to ingrained trauma, then, well, you haven’t got an excuse, but you absolutely have an explanation.

It’s so hard to be a teenager; it must be really hard to be a teenager with superpowers and a hell of a lot of unresolved baggage.

Does anyone know if there’s a meta reason Steven’s alarm is 7:13, lmao? That’s such an arbitrary number.

TOGETHER BREAKFAST. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The callback to that particular episode is really on point. In “Together Breakfast,” it was Steven who was trying to get the Crystal Gems to hang out with him, so he wouldn’t have to eat his pancakes alone. 😭

“Ooh, we can re-read No Home Boys.” / “And I’ll do all the voices.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Another fitting callback. The theme of No Home Boys was, well, the main characters didn’t have a home, an anxiety that Amethyst above all used to metaphorically espouse. But then, with Pearl and Steven’s help, she came to realize that, yes, she did have a home. She’s always had a home. And it was never the Kindergarten.

“Man, you had a better work-life balance when the Diamonds were trying to destroy the planet.” SKDJDJDJS.

“Classic Steven.” / “Classic Steven????????” || And here’s the gist of the episode. The Gems are nostalgic for the way things used to be, for the things that Steven used to like, for the child he once was. They want to play with him. Steven loved to play sm. But Steven doesn’t want to go backwards; he thinks he’s put away his childhood and all that it ever entailed.

But really, I think this episode is going to school Steven in one of the most important lessons that’s so easy to forget in the daily grind of life: It’s okay to still be a kid sometimes, no matter your age, no matter your maturity.

PEARL DRAMATICALLY FALLING WHEN SHE GETS TAGGED JS SO FUCKING FUNNY ROEOEOFKDSMSKKSIFCIFIS.

“Ha! Jokes on you! Pearl doesn’t shapeshift—” OH MY GO D. PEARL IS SHAPESHIFTIN G

THE DEVELOPMENT????????? THE EVOLUTION!!!!?????

(The last time Pearl shapeshifted, it was to try and bring an end to a war. It was for her Diamond. It was for Rose. This time, it’s for Steven. It’s for helping him to re-learn what it means to play.)

STEVEN IN PEARL’S PALETTE LOOKS SO WRONG. HELP.

Knowing what a big step it is for Pearl to shapeshift, Amethyst and Garnet go and throw her in the air. Even Steven murmurs, “Wow, good for her.”

I’M TENDER. 😭😭😭

That one shot of Garnet holding a frame up to pretend like she’s a picture is very funny.

“Steven, no! I just folded those!” WOOWWOSJSJSJSKSJSJJSSN. HELP. I love Pearl.

SUGILITE STEVEN?!!!???!?))3$:$&:8:&:

HELLO?!!!!?!!!

(Omg, I think with Sugilite now, we’ve pretty much seen all the main CG fusions in Future except for Obsidian, Sardonyx, and Opal.)

SCRATCH THAT! SARDONYX STEVEN.

OPAL STEVEN.

HELP?!/&39:8:’skskssksksk

OPAL USING GARNET AS AN ARROW DOROEODKSKSKSJS.

Related but unrelated, Sugilite, Sardonyx, and Opal’s themes have always been so good, omg.

“It was a snowman. With Steven’s jacket.” Garnet collapses dramatically to the ground. “NOOOOOOOOOOO.” OWOWOEODJDDJDJMSSKJSSJ.

ALEXANDRITE STEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Her theme is so good, too, omg.)

RUBY AND SAPPHIRE STEVEN??? THEY’RE SO ADORABLE???????????

SAPPHIRE HELP DOEOWEOSMDJDIOEOENDMDNSDJDNIDDJDJJDDOSKSOSIDJDODI.

I love Cat Steven with my entire heart

“He’s so cute!!!” / “No, I’m not.” WOSKDNSKSSKSJ HELP

But Steven also makes a salient point: He’s not the same kid that he was anymore, and he doesn’t want to be seen as that kid.

UGH, THE GEMS HUGGING HIM AS STEVEN. It’s here we most get the sense of how small he used to be. He’s grown up so much.

“Please forgive us.” / “We didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” / “We just miss you, Steven.” HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

😭😭😭😭

AND THEN THEY ALL PLAY TOGETHER. STOP. ImM GONNA CRY

AND THEN THE NEXT DAY, THEY ALL GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. I CANT DO THIS. I LOVE THIS FSMILY

No final thoughts, only 😭😭😭😭.

This might be my favorite episode in the season so far.

[eberles]

Love, Rafe ♡

Part 3 - Baby Girl

Rafe Cameron x OC

A/N: Hii everyone! I hope you guys are enjoying the series so far, it’s been so fun writing it! Also, there’s a lot of time gaps in this chapter because the movie has a lot of time gaps. I tried to make it easy to understand, but if you are confused about anything, let me know! Be sure to tell me if you want a part 4! ☺️ Italics is how the last chapter ended! 

Warnings: swearing, angst?

Part 1 Part 2 

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“Hey Rafe, just thought I should let you know, i’m going to keep our baby.”

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It's been almost four months since Zoe left for school and Rafe found out he was having a baby of his own with Olivia. Zoe and Rafe had been texting constantly while they had been apart and it was now close to the winter holidays which meant this was the longest they had been apart since they met all those years ago. Rafe missed the hell out of Zoe, so much that he could feel an ache in his heart every time he thought about her.

"Rafe, are you even listening?" Olivia asked impatiently as the doctor was explaining her ultrasound.

"Yes." Rafe responded, getting a little agitated with Olivia. He knew she couldn't control her pissyness due to the hormones, but he was pretty sure he didn't like her that much before she got pregnant either. They had been spending lots of time together over the last few months trying to figure out how they would raise a baby together without being together.

"And it looks like you guys will be having a little girl!" the doctor said excited for them.

"A girl? Can we have pictures to take?" Rafe asked, his eyes beginning to water as he looked at the monitor that showed his baby girl. Olivia didn't say anything in response to the doctor and just quickly rolled her eyes at Rafe's response.

"Okay, are we done here?" Olivia snapped, after Rafe got his pictures of his unborn baby girl.

Following the months leading up to the birth they went to birthing classes together, decorated the nursery together, and even picked out the perfect name for their baby girl. Rafe and Olivia decided to get an apartment together so it would be easier to co-parent a newborn baby. Rafe insisted on having separated bedrooms despite Olivia's protests. Olivia has been trying to get them together again since she told Rafe about her plans to keep the baby.

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Once the baby was born things had been hectic as all hell. Rafe and Olivia were barely sleeping due to the incessant crying coming from baby Katie. However, after a few months of the 3 of them being home alone with the baby, Olivia quickly got tired of this new routine. Rafe didn’t see it coming after she had been so adamant about having and keeping the baby in the first place, but it didn’t take long for her to pack her stuff and move it out of their shared apartment. He was stressed at first trying to figure out how he could take care of a baby on his own, but he knew he had the support from his family and he was almost always alone with Katie even before Olivia left them.

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A few weeks later, and Rafe was getting quite used to being a single dad raising a baby on his own and he decided to go out take baby Katie for a walk around town. They did some window shopping to get some fresh air when he ran spotted an old classmate. 

“Rafe?” Jeremy questioned, as he watched Rafe quickly turn around trying to escape the incoming situation.

“How are you? Is this baby yours?” Jeremy asked, once he got Rafe’s attention.

“Oh no, no, this is my little sister.” Rafe said nervously. He wasn’t ashamed of baby Katie, but he wasn’t in the mood for everyone they went to high school with to find out that he had a baby. His main concern was if Zoe would find out and he didn’t want to risk it since he wasn’t sure if Jeremy and Zoe kept in touch.

“Right, shouldn’t you be in Boston with Zoe?” Jeremy asked confused. Rafe was shocked to hear that they hadn’t kept in touch over the last 

“Uhh, sorry Jeremy, it was really good seeing you, but I have to go.” Rafe said quickly stuttering over his words and quickly pushing the stroller away from where Jeremy stood. Rafe nearly lost his breathe at the mention of Zoe’s name and he couldn’t bare to talk about how he should be with her in Boston when he was stuck in Outer Banks with a baby. It was just a few short days later when Rafe got a visitor at his new apartment. 

“Zoe?!” Rafe asked surprised as he opened his front door to reveal none other than his best friend.

“Hi! I’m here for the weekend and I wanted to see you!” Zoe said excited to finally see her best friend again. Rafe didn’t want to let her in the apartment, but he knew he had no choice in the matter once Zoe started to walk in. 

“How are you? How’s school?” Rafe asked, running around the living room trying to pick up baby stuff as quickly as possible. 

“It’s amazing! It’s so crazy being in a big city.” Zoe asked, as she tried to keep up with Rafe moving around his apartment quickly.

“So, do you use this often?” Zoe asked holding up a pacifier that she accidentally stepped on. She had her eyebrow raised expecting him to give her the truth. She was shocked to hear from Jeremy that Rafe was pushing his baby sister in a stroller the other day. Rafe’s baby sister, Wheezie, was 13 after all. 

Rafe looked up at the pacifier Zoe was holding in her hand and looked down with a sigh escaping his lips. 

“Were you ever planning on telling me?” She asked with a hurt expression on her face. She was hurt and Rafe knew she would be. He had plenty of opportunities to tell Zoe about baby Katie, but just didn’t know how. He knew once he said something Zoe would drop everything for him.

“Of course, I was, but I couldn’t have you running back here to help me.” Rafe responded before hearing his baby start to cry from her nursery where she was napping in.

Zoe watched as Rafe headed into Katie’s nursery and soon followed in behind him. She watched with wide eyes as he picked up his small baby girl and started to soothe her crying. Zoe was in awe of the man in front of him never having seen him be so affectionate towards babies. Just looking at him made her heart skip a beat a little. 

Once Katie calmed back down she was sleeping peacefully again in the middle of Rafe’s large bed with Zoe and Rafe laying on either sides of her. Zoe was staring at Rafe as he gently played with his babies hand.

“It’s weird having your entire life flipped upside down, you know? Like one day i’m getting accepted into my dream school and that same day I found out Olivia was pregnant. And now all I can think about it nap time, and baby shit.” Rafe said, laughing quietly at the end. 

“What happened with Olivia?” Zoe asked quietly.

“She sent a letter after she left explaining how she needed to get away and how now was her prime time to fulfill her dream of modeling or some stupid shit.” Rafe said shaking his head slightly as he watched Zoe stroke his babies head softly. The two didn’t say anything further on the subject and Zoe nodded in response. She couldn’t believe how Olivia could just walk out on her family, she was furious. Who would leave Rafe and this beautiful baby?

“I think it was easy to keep this from you because without you knowing, I could still be the old me with you. Without having this baggage hanging on my back. And I could live vicariously through the idea that just maybe I would be able to join you in Boston.” Rafe said making eye contact with Zoe. She didn’t say anything back, instead she grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers together and squeezed as if saying, “I’m here for you.”

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Zoe could only stay in Outer Banks for the weekend and it had been extremely hard for her to leave and again and return to Boston. This was her home now though and frankly she felt comfortable in the city now. After arriving back in Boston, Zoe found herself alone at a bar she frequented with her friends every now and then.

“Hi there! Sorry, I hope i’m not bothering you, but I saw you over here by yourself and I though I would introduce myself. I’m Nate!” the boy in front of her spoke out, extending his hand out for her to shake.

“Hi yea, I think we have a class together right? I’m Zoe!” she responded smiling and accepting his handshake. Zoe had to admit she came to this bar to sit alone and drink until she wasn’t sad about Rafe anymore, but seeing Nate did lift her sprits quite a bit. 

Part 4

let me know if you would like to be added to the tag list!

[myslibrary]

Scenario: RFA Spending the day before MC has to leave for abroad.

Zen:

• You had classes that were in another country. This day was talked about for many weeks. He dreaded the day that it came. Although he was busy himself, he loved bringing you along to his sets each day to see your face during each scene.

• you woke up to Zen just laying there next to you. “Hello beautiful, goodmorning.” His tone was husky but sad. You just smiled softly

•”are you packed already?” You nod and stretch just to lay your head on his chest.

• “good, I want to make the most of today.” All you did was giggle. “It’s not like I’m dying.”

•”I know! And I’m glad you’re not, but I’m not ready to let you go for that long.” He closes in on your shoulders with a frown

•”if you feel that way, let’s go out and have some fun before I go..!” You rest your hands on his forearms. “Seems like a plan.” He nods and let’s you go.

•Finally you all are ready. The cityscape was the perfect place for a little date before you go off to class.

• you all went around to little stores, with the department far behind your all’s brain

• “wanna take a break here?” Zen pointed at a bench and you nod. “Sounds good.” He takes your hand and leads you over to sit

• Zens tone and face suddenly got serious. “When you go...Stay clear of people. Please. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.” He grabs your hand.

• “Zen trust me I won’t.” You smiled and pecked his cheek. “I hope you come back missing me as much as I’ll miss you.” He frowns a bit.

• all you could do was giggle, “I’m still yours when I leave I’ll call you every night to reassure you.”

• When you got home, he became more clingy. You decided to set your bags in the living room near the door. Zen had ahold of your sweater the whole time

• as the day came, he drove you to the airport. Grabbing ahold of your arm. You held one bag and he held another. You tried your best to not cry. You’ll be gone for more than 5 months

•You both soon got to boarding. Zen continued to fidget with his fingers as well as fidget with your fingers. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye.

•As soon as you got called to board, you hesitated to stand up. When you did you immediately looked over to zen. Your tears began to collect as you fell into a hug.

•”it won’t feel the same.” All you could do was burrow more into his neck. “Hey...it’s going to be okay. It’s not like you’re leaving me. Plus you’re coming back for holidays. I’ll see you in three weeks.” He pulls away and wipes your eyes.

•you both exchanged goodbyes and you were on your way.

Yoosung:

•Yoosung was always a clingy boy so this was even worse for him. “Don’t leave me for anyone else MC.” he’d pout through the week knowing it’s upon you all

• he’d kiss your hand everytime he sees you to remind you just how much he loves you. Yoosung even made brownies, bought you flowers, and made you a scrap book of you two, “Don’t forget about me please. I’ll be waiting for you.”

•the day before the departure, Yoosung was quite sluggish to leave the bed and to let you out. He laid practically on top of you, nestling into your neck. “Yoosung....I have to get up.” You laughed a bit gliding your hand through his hair. “I know...but do you really have to attend that class. It’s for 3 months.”

•Yoosung let you sit up and his posture fell looking at you. His baby face was such a heartthrob. “You know I’d bring you with if I could.” All you could do was fall back to him.

•you grabbed his hand while you sat on the opposite side of the bed. That made him frown more. “Did I say something wrong?” He chuckles lightly, “no. I’ll just miss you. Let’s do something today! All of your favorite things!”

•your eyes beamed with light until you realized you never packed due to Yoosung constantly begging you not to go, “About that... I don’t have my things packed.” He just scratches his head and smiles nervously, “oh right...”

•five hours of prepping everything for your departing, Yoosung ran to get dinner. You plopped on the bed as you heard the door close. “Babe! Come here!”

•Yoosung got you flowers yet again, along with your favorite food. You hugged him and placed them into a vase.

•as you all finished dinner, you all were couped up on the couch cuddling, watching a movie. Yoosung began to doze off on your legs. You looked down at the boy as you ran your fingers through his hair. The thought of leaving him was quite sad. after awhile you all headed to the bedroom.

•When morning came he was all over you again, this time with more restraint. “Yoosung...I gotta go. I mean you can drive me.” You notice his hold on you is tighter, “that’s not the point.” All you could do is sigh. “I’m going to miss my flight!” He quickly flew off.

•It felt good to have his support, but when he acted like this- it made it harder for you to go.

•you finally got there, and Yoosung is already crying. “Yoosung. I’ll miss you but it’s only three months.” His hands rested on your waist as your arms rested on his shoulder. His face of concern was too much to handle.

• He finally let’s go of you and walks you to your boarding area. Him giving was kinda a heart thump for you,“Goodbye for now MC. Promise me it’ll be only three months. Don’t leave me for some jerk.” You giggle, “you will always be the one Yoosung, don’t keep that though in your mind. You’re my other half.”

Jaehee:

•you both were used to being in and out of the house, which was normal for her and you basically had trips you had them as well.

•with the coffee shop, you all have connected more. Maybe you all weren’t just ‘good friends’

•before you knew it, you were moving some of your clothing into her house. Then suddenly she asked you to stay permanently. “I feel I do better when you’re around.” The comment made your heart ✨throb✨

•after having a lot of time together, your school decided to have you travel abroad for some assignments. Jaehee wasn’t as clingy but genuinely enjoyed your time, so it numbed both of you.

•she just got used to having someone around her again. “Oh..you have to leave. For how long?” “Only two weeks. I’ll be back before you know it.” You smiled

•the next day you noticed she offered more. She invited you to go shopping for coffees and baking supplies. You all truly enjoyed yourselves. Inching towards tomorrow made an uneasy feeling in the apartment.

•as you woke up, your bodies were intertwined. You felt relief finally being able to call her yours, after all these years of trying

•the past few days, she was excited for you. But this morning she had a bit of hesitation vibe to her. You all get dressed up, “you ready..?” You nod and you all head out.

•by the time you get there, you all held hands. The way she was acting made your brain melt as well as it wreck from not just confusion, but concern. Why was she acting so sad?

•she walks you in, helping with your bags. You had to initiate majority of the conversations. “Now will you be okay by yourself at the cafe?”

•Jaehee nods, avoiding contact. “Is there something wrong?” You tug her jacket a bit. “Now will you be okay? Especially with your school work? If it’s a struggle feel free to call me.” You smile and nod.

•You finally get to the baggage area and you set your big cases on there after writing your name on there. “I’ll be sure to check in on you daily, if that’s okay with you, Jaehee.”

•When it was time to seperate, she quickly pulled you into a hug. “Don’t forget to eat, don’t mess up your schedule, call me please. Anytime is fine.” This movement surprised you. “Of course, I’ll keep that in mind.” You then quickly peck her check, “I’ll also keep you in mind.”

Jumin:

•Again you were used to him leaving for trips all the time. It was hard but he was always returning to you ASAP

•His company was having a promotional deal, which placed him in his own city. But that didn’t necessarily stop your busy schedule.

• with Jumin having down time, he got used to being home and doing work from home sometimes. He would usually cook breakfast for both of you, taking advantage of the time he had.

•when you both got the news of a death in the family, it struck you both. Of course Jumin was there for moral support. Someone close to you had died.

•You had to go back to your parents house for a bit. With Jumins business you didn’t want to burden his working rhythm. Which led to many small arguments. You understood he wanted to be there for you.

•after a bit he came to agreement. Him being Jumin han CEO, he shows up anyways but you just don’t know ;) you thanked him for understanding

•he offered to have time spent together before your departure, all in all you had no choice. He was stubborn on insisting on it even though he had business to attend

• “how long do you plan on staying out there my dear?” He asked as you both snuggled on the couch. “Maybe a week or so. Not quite sure..” he hums in response. He pecks your head. “I’m only going to ask this one last time, are you sure you want me to stay?”

•after the one last argument, that’s been repeated four times, you struggled to say no, you had to be on your way regardless. You wanted him to focus on his work, while you stayed with family. These arguements left you a bit uneasy, but he’d make it up to you immediately

•he offered to buy your familiy members flowers

•the next couple days you got ready, you and Jumin began to relax together. You felt horrible having him skip out on work just for you. Especially for jaehee. Poor lady

• later that night he set up a fancy dinner for you both to forget about what happened and to talk things out. He offered to help you pack. You know he only wanted the best for you.

•as the day came he was one who held you closer than usual. “Be careful, that’s all I ask of you.” “Of course.” You walked out side of the bedroom to dozens of bouquets around the kitchen/ dining room.

•after you all ate, Jumin came along to see you off. He didn’t let you touch a bag to pack in the car. While you were in the car with him he had you rest your legs ontop of his safely. And he covers you in a compliment talk gliding his hands up and down your legs

•when you arrive, he holds your hand to the private plane. Again not touching any of your luggage. Jumins sits with you for a bit more on the plane. “You know when you’re gone, I yearn for you. Please tell your parents I’m sorry this has occurred. I’ll be calling you each night. Call me when you land.” He kisses your forehead for a second longer than usual and you part ways.

Seven:

•He was always home burrowed in the bedroom, working. It was quite sad he probably forgot you had to go abroad for a doctors appointment

•you packed quietly, he looked over your way smiled and continued his work.

•was he not concerned you were packing?!

•when you turned your back to your suit case and folded clothes, he pounced on you from behind. “Wow you’re really leaving me!!! This is not fair!”

•you cackled when he pressed millions of kisses on your cheek. “I must keep thee away ! Keep you ! You no go!” He turns you around and continues to kiss your face.

“Did you think I forgot or something? I think you forgot I continuously reminded you through the week.” He chirps sweetly. He sits up and lets you breathe.

•Suddenly his face grew serious. “Now are you sure you don’t want me there to help you if something goes wrong..?” He holds your hand, looking into your eyes.

•”I’ll be fine, I promise, if not I’ll call you ASAP.” He nods at your response, “take this.” He hands you a box of some sort.

•immediately your heart melts. It’s a necklace.” You smile and kiss seven. “Now do you want me to help you pack?” You nod and he helps you gather your things

•this boy was so special to you. You studied his movements as he helps gather your favorite pieces of clothing, shoes small items and your laptop.

•you could tell he was a bit timid when talking, as if he’s holding something back. “MC..can I ask you something?” You look up to answer his question, “are you gonna miss me. Genuinely. I know I’m not always near you.. and I’m sorry but know That I need you more than anything.”

•you gasp and chuckle, “of course silly. You’re my favorite person. I love you so much.” You continued to fold as he chuckles to himself

•”thought so.” He hands you your last pair of shoes and you zip your bag up.

•it comes of the day where you leave. Instead of him being on the computer he was lying next to you. That’s all that mattered. You could feel the heat resonating off his body. As you tried to get up he pulls you back down.

•”don’t go yet.” You look over at him. “Seven..I have to go. I wish I didn’t but I need to figure out what’s wrong.. please understand that.” He groans and slowly let’s you go

•as you both got into the car to drive to the airport, it started to rain. It was chilly and early. The drive was long, but a good long. You could finally get this out of the way.

•finally you arrive, sevens quiet. Only responding with nods. You sigh and kiss his cheek as you both walk to the security. “Call me when you land. Tell me how it went, okay? Keep in touch.” He ruffles your hair and kisses your nose. “I love you.” He spits out and turns around to walk away with his head down

•you grab his hand and he looks over to you immediately, “I didn’t get what I wanted.” You kiss him like it was your last goodbye. “I love you too...you call me too. I’ll be waiting.” You gleam and start to walk away. You could feel his eyes on you.

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Sticky Situation Pt3 || Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter and Y/N just want to be normal teenagers. 

Word Count: 1.3k

Author’s note: I know I’ve been gone for a while but I’ve just been busy with school! Thanks to everyone who enjoyed this little mini-series, it was super fun and cute to write! 

Warning: tiny angst with fluff 

Part one || Part Two || Part Three

“ He tried to what!” Cindy shrieked as you slammed her locker shut, quickly shifting her loud voice into a soft whisper,” and you didn’t kiss him back? Are you stupid?”

The halls of Midtown felt as though everyone was staring at you but in reality, time still went on. As usual, kids were bustling down to their classes rambling in their nerd language. You were sometimes envious of them, their biggest problems were midterms and science projects while you juggled being a superhero with a 4.0 GPA. Even last night, you were working on your history paper that was due today while surveying for crime.

You grabbed Cindy’s arm and pulled her outside into a private study courtyard, giving the two of you more privacy.

“ Well, we were interrupted. I haven’t heard back from him in two days and he hasn’t been in,” You stopped yourself for a moment and shook your head,” maybe I scared him off. I’ve never been so hung up on a guy before...am I weak?”

“ Y/N, come on. You’re a literal badass who has saved the world way more times with your own fists than billionaires with their ‘thoughts and prayers’. No offense but Peter fought an army of scary aliens in space so he can definitely deal with you,” Cindy smiled teasingly as you slapped her shoulder with your notebook.

“ I’m serious. I’ve had crushes here and there but Peter feels different. I have no idea what I am going to do or what is going on through his mind. I don’t even know what we are.”

Cindy bit her bottom lip and shrugged, pointing past your shoulder with her pencil,” Ask him yourself.”

You whipped around and almost collided with Peter, who was holding a bouquet of flowers. Cindy winked at you as she walked away, letting you and Peter have some privacy.

“ Hey Y/N, long time no see,” Peter said softly as his face started to grow redder. He watched your shocked expression turn into a soft one as you looked down at the flowers,” I was going to get you Nightshade’s but apparently they’re poisonous so I thought a safer option was some other type of purple flowers. They’re called China Aster and I thought it would be way less cheesy than red roses. You’ve never mentioned if you liked flowers or not but I thought it was better than-”

“ Peter, what is this for?” You interrupted as his face fell slightly,” I mean, it’s such a sweet gesture thank you but I’m just kinda confused. I haven’t heard from you in days and then you just show up with flowers?”

Peter nodded sadly,” I know and I’m really sorry about that. I was in the Avengers compound up North hiding out-not that I didn’t want to see you but I just needed time to think. I know I should’ve texted you but I was scared to.”

“ Because of how we left things?” You asked almost hesitantly.

Peter swallowed hard as he walked past you and sat down on a bench, signaling for you to sit down next to him. You rubbed your sweaty palms on the sides of your jeans and sat down beside him.

“ I’m scared of us. We’ve been friends for years and when we hung out, it wasn’t complicated. Things are different now though. I know about Nightshade and you know about Spiderman which feels great to finally not live a lie but now I know that just puts us in more danger. And then when we almost kissed...that just made things more complicated,” Peter sighed as you shook your head.

He was right. Things were different, you guys weren’t just friends anymore. If what he was saying was true, then the two of you both knew that you shared feelings for each other. If you two were normal teenagers, then this would be a good thing. But you two weren’t normal because whatever could happen between the two of you would just be considered more baggage and could get you two killed.

You could feel yourself about to cry out of frustration but you held it in,” Peter, I like you a lot and I would give anything to try this out, but I don’t know if I can handle dating Spiderman. I worried about you before but that was cause you missed a lot of school for the internship and I thought you would fail your classes. Now, I would be worrying about if you’re dead in space. If something happens to you Peter, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Peter wanted to scream. Every time he liked a girl, bad things would happen around him and he didn’t want that to happen to you. Everything you said resonated with him, he knew that if you two dated, it would just put your lives at risk. He thought back to when he first discovered that you were Nightshade; he was surprised of course but he was even more worried when he saw how badly you were beaten that night. He imagined you fighting crime even at the cost of your own life.

But then he thought of something that felt selfishly worse. He imagined the two of you going on with your lives as if you two didn’t love each other. Even though Peter had just recently caught feelings for you, he had always loved you. Love for Peter was in the way he stayed up all night trying to teach you Calculus while you cried. Love for Peter was in the way he always brought a jacket for you because he knew that you never brought a coat since it would ruin your outfit. Love for Peter was being there for you when your dad had died even when he was dealing with his own grief after Uncle Ben.

Peter looked down at your hand and held it gently, his soft brown eyes staring at you unapologetically, thinking of the right words to say,” I don’t know what to say to make you feel better. We will never be normal teenagers or normal people but that shouldn’t stop us from doing normal things like...like falling in love with your best friend.”

You knew it could never be that simple. You knew that your movie dates would turn into stopping a bank robbery or that monthly anniversary would be overshadowed by another attack on New York but you just wanted to be normal with him, even if it was just for a split second.

“ Are you saying that you love me? Or are you confessing your love for Ned?” You asked as Peter looked down at your lips and back to your eyes.

“ Can you please stop talking?”

“ Peter! That’s so rude-”

“ Can you please stop talking so I can kiss you?” Peter said in one breath as he moved closer to you.

You didn’t respond but instead, closed the space between you and kissed Peter softly as his hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer. Peter wanted to kiss you forever but it was shortlived when he felt his spidey senses go off.

He pulled away from you and before he could say anything, you both turned your head to a loud boom. Instantaneously, you heard people scream in response.

“ That was from the subway station,” Peter said as you both quickly stood up, almost knocking your heads together,” we need to go.”

You nodded and looked down to the flowers that were crushed when you and Peter kissed,” I’ll just come back for those later.”

“ That’s a smart idea,” Peter said as he gave you a quick peck on the lips before leaping over the gates of the courtyard,” last one there owes the other person a kiss!”

You scrambled for your backpack and ran after him, almost tripping over your shoelaces. As you exited the courtyard, you groaned,” Shit! My history paper!”

 @averyfosterthoughts​ @technolilly​ @spideyyeet​ @theolwebshooter​ @eridanuswave​ @golden-guide​ @farfromjustordinary​ @ramblingsnfandom​

[vgckwb]

P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 50: Stirred

On Saturday, Makoto was called into Principal Kobayakawa’s office. “You wanted to see me sir?”

Kobayakawa was indignant. “I hear you’re asking about Kamoshida. Why is that?”

Makoto grew slightly indignant herself, but kept a level head. “Well, you wanted me to investigate the Phantom Thieves, right? I figured that since we didn’t know of their possible existence until they sent Kamoshida that calling card, then the Phantom Thieves, if they do go to this school, might have an ax to grind with him. Hence the interviews.”

Kobayakawa glared at her. “I guess that makes sense.”

“Is there an issue with my explanation?” Makoto asked. “Because if there is, it sounds like you don’t want people talking about Mr. Kamoshida.”

“Well, it’s just old news at this point,” Kobayakawa deflected. “I don’t want to stubbornly dwell on the past and all.”

“Yeah, but if you want to know who these thieves are, this has to be a part of it,” Makoto instructed. “So what do you want? Do you want to protect Mr. Kamoshida, or do you want to know who the Phantom Thieves are?”

Kobayakawa was about to burst. Begrudgingly, he said “I want to know who the Phantom Thieves are.”

“Very well then” Makoto said, leaving the office.

Once Makoto had left, Kobayakawa smirked. “You want information, Miss Niijima? You’re going to get it!”

During the day, Ren was being treated like a celebrity due to her interaction with Akechi, with both pros and cons. The students divided themselves up between pro-Phantom Thieves, and by extension, Pro-Ren, and Pro-Akechi factions. When it came time for lunch, it was almost too much for her to bear. “Ugh. I almost miss being isolated from everyone” Ren moaned.

“Hey, it’s not so bad,” Ann said, trying to cheer her up. “Besides, things move fast in the city. Who knows, by Monday, this interview thing will be old hat.”

Ren gave a goofy smile. “Thanks…”

Just then, someone burst into their class. It was a male student with shaggy orange hair and purple glasses. He looked around with his gaze coming to a halt on Ren. “Ah ha!” He walked over to her. “Miss Amamiya, the woman of the hour. I am here on behalf of the student council, and I would wish to speak to you.”

Ren was exhausted with the attention. “If it’s about the interview…”

“No, this is about something else,” he explained. “We’ve been conducting interviews at the request of the president. And personally, I’m on your side with that.”

“Oh, um, well, sure, I guess then” Ren said, confused, but figured that this might be better than the constant attention.

“Then let’s head up,” the student council member said. He started walking and Ren followed him. As they were walking, he said “By the way, my name’s Hiroki.”

Ren was perplexed. “No last name?”

“Meh” Hiroki cheeped. “It’s not my thing.”

“Well then, if it’s all the same to you, would you mind calling me Ren?” she asked.

“Of course,” Hiroki smiled. They made it to the student council room and sat down. “So, Ren,” Ren chuckled slightly at him emphasizing her name, “if it’s alright with you, I’d like to talk about Mr. Kamoshida.”

Ren was surprised. “Mr. Kamoshida?”

Hiroki nodded. “We’re investigating the incident to see how we can prevent such a thing from happening again.”

Ren was a tad suspicious, but decided to go for it. “Um, sure. I guess the starting point was my first day here. I’m a transfer student, so that was a little ways into the school year. Anyways, as I was heading over to a crosswalk, there was another girl standing there, Ann, although I didn’t know her at the time. Anyways, Mr. Kamoshida pulled up and invited her into his car. Soon after, he invited me as well. Ann looked hesitant, so I decided to hop in to make sure nothing happened.”

“Wait, you took a ride with a stranger to protect someone else?” Hiroki said, interrupting her. Ren nodded. “I gotta commend you on that. That’s pretty bold.” Ren slightly blushed. “Anyways, please continue.”

“Well, nothing really happened in the car,” Ren continued. “After that, Ann and I hung out all day, and we became fast friends. After school though, Ann had to leave for a bit, and Kamoshida called me to his office. It was there he tried to make a move on me.” Ren looked down. “I have a bit of baggage from my hometown, and Kamoshida was hoping to exploit it to get what he wanted.”

“Oh my” Hiroki said. “Did anything happen?”

Ren smiled and shook her head. “Before anything could happen, Ann and Shiho stopped him. Ann whisked me away and then apologized profusely and then told me about the kind of person Mr. Kamoshida was.”

“I see,” Hiroki noted. “Did anything else happen?”

“Well, I did save a different student from Kamoshida’s advances,” Ren said.

“Could you tell me their name?” Hiroki inquired.

“Sumire” Ren answered.

“I see” Hiroki wrote it down. “And that’s it?”

Ren nodded. “I think Ann and Shiho’s interruption was enough to dissuade Kamoshida, at least for a bit. Besides, I wasn’t here for long before the Phantom Thieves sent out that calling card.”

“Right,” Hiroki agreed. “Well, thanks for coming in. I know this couldn’t have been easy to talk about.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Ren said. “If it’s to make sure a new Kamoshida doesn’t spring up, I’m all for it. Besides, Dr. Maruki has told me I should work on opening up more.”

“You’ve visited Dr. Maruki?” Hiroki asked. Ren nodded. “Huh. Maybe I should give it a try then.”

“By all means” Ren said.

She got up, but before she could leave, Hiroki shouted “Wait!” Ren was surprised. “Uh, I just have a personal question, if you don’t mind.” Ren tilted her head. “Not about you, just something I’d like to know for myself.”

“O...K…?” Ren said, still confused.

Hiroki sighed. “What do you get the girl who has everything? To, you know, show her your affection.”

Ren was still weirded out, but it did seem like he just wanted some dating advice. “Well, the one thing not to get the girl who has everything is a contract with a sea witch” she joked.

Hiroki laughed. “Yeah, I guess it was a bit unusual to spring that on you. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Ren said. “And good luck with your girl problem.” Ren left.

Once she got back to class, Ann asked her “What was that about?”

“Kamoshida” Ren answered directly.

“Really?” Ann asked. Ren nodded. “Why?”

“I’m not sure,” Ren said. “But they say it’s to help them prevent another Kamoshida-like incident.”

Ann seemed distrustful. “I want to believe that, but…”

“Yeah…” Ren agreed. “Still, even if they are being honest, it is better not to tell the truth about the whole Phantom Thieves thing.”

“Right,” Ann agreed. Almost immediately afterwards, they got a message.

Yusuke: Can we meet up?

Jose: Yusuke…

Sumire: What for?

Yusuke: I’m just frustrated is all.

Yusuke: Dorm life isn’t turning out like I’d hope it would.

Ryuji: I get it. Ya need to blow off some steam.

Ann: Come to think of it, we haven’t had an initiation party for Yusuke yet.

Ann: Or really, Sumire and Jose.

Jose: We went to that diner.

Ryuji: Yeah, but that was more to hammer out the details of us going forward.

Ryuji: We need to really celebrate you joining the team.

Sumire: I see.

Ren: As much as I would love to, I’m afraid I’d get recognized wherever I go.

Yusuke: Ah, yes, I did see the interview.

Yuuke: You did wonderful, by the way.

Jose: Yeah, it’s all everyone talks about here at Kosei.

Ren: Ughhhhhhhhh.

Jose: Something the matter?

Ann: Ren-chan’s not a fan of the attention.

Ren: I’m not used to it.

Ryuji: Well, I mean, I guess it wouldn’t be much of a celebration, but how about we just head to your place?

Ren: That’s fine, I guess.

Ren: Come to think of it, I do have a hot pot in my room.

Yusuke: Hot pot, you say?

Yusuke: It’s settled then.

Ryuji: ...Someone’s excited.

Ann: We’ll meet up at Station Square after school, OK?

Sumire: OK!

Yusuke: Works for me!

Ryuji: Alright.

Jose: OK!

Ren: Very well then.

They put their phones away.

As they were heading out, Hiroki met up with Ren and Ann. “Hi, um, Ann.”

“...Hello?” Ann said, taken aback.

“If it’s alright with you, would you mind coming with me to the student council room?” Hiroki invited.

“Ummmm, OK?” Ann said, still confused.

Ren giggled slightly. “Don’t worry, Hiroki here doesn’t bite.”

“Of course,” Hiroki said, grinning like an idiot.

Ann laughed. “OK, OK.” The two left. Ren took out her phone.

Ren: It’s gonna be a bit.

Ryuji: Why’s that?

Ren: A student council member is interviewing her.

Ryuji: WHAT?!

Sumire: Oh yeah.

Sumire: I should have told you. They’re interviewing people about Kamoshida.

Ryuji: Why?

Ren: They say it’s to prevent another Kamoshida from happening.

Ryuji: And you believe that?!

Ren: Well, so long as we keep quiet about us being the Phantom Thieves, there’s no harm in humoring them, right?

Ryuji: I guess…?

Yusuke: I agree. If they are noble, then this is fine. And if they aren’t, you can push them toward nobility.

Sumire: Right. I guess.

Ren: It shouldn’t take too long.

Meanwhile, Hiroki and Ann entered the student council room, each taking a seat. “So, um, do you know why we’re here?”

Ann nodded. “Ren told me you’re asking people about Kamoshida.”

Hiroki smiled. “Very well. Do you feel comfortable talking about him?”

Ann fidgets. “I’m not sure, but I guess I’ll go for it, if this is to help you prevent another Kamoshida.” Hiroki nodded. Ann was still a little hesitant. “Ever since coming to this school, Kamoshida has been a shadow lurking at every turn. As head of track and volleyball, he had dominion over my two best friends. He manipulated them to get us to split up. He also approached me several times pretending to be innocent. But I’m a model, and I could tell what he wanted right away. I kept brushing him off, but he kept insisting. Eventually, he tried using my friends to get what he wanted from me.”

Hiroki sighed. “I've heard a lot of similar stories from people today, and yet it never fails to send chills down my spine.”

Ann was surprised. “Huh.”

“Anyways, continue,” Hiroki instructed.

Ann nodded. “I didn’t know what to do. I was perpetually stuck between a rock and hard place. I didn’t think the school was going to do anything about Kamoshida, so I kept trying to delay what I thought was inevitable.” Ann smiled. “But then one day, Kamoshida invited me into his car, and another girl came along with. I was frightened by this, but soon we became close friends. However, Kamoshida called her into his office, and I was at my wit's end.”

“So, what did you do?” Hiroki asked.

“I rushed over there,” Ann said. “Luckily, nothing had happened, but I was so scared that I had betrayed my new friend’s trust,” Ann started crying. “But she said it was alright. Later, she told me she came into his car to protect me. Isn’t that something?” Ann smiled. “Ever since Kamoshida entered the scene, things seemed bleak. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. My friends and I were in his grasp. But I wasn’t about to let someone else fall there too.”

“I see,” Hiroki said, jotting it down. “Did anything else happen?”

“Ummm, I’m not sure how to answer that,” Ann said. “I mean, I know the Phantom Thieves showed up sometime after that, but…”

Hiroki chuckled slightly. “I meant with you.”

“Oh, no,” Ann answered. “Not really. But after Kamoshida confessed, I felt freer than ever.”

“Hm,” Hiroki said. “Well, thank you for your time. I’m sure this wasn’t easy.”

“Yeah” Ann said. “But if it helps…”

“Right,” Hiroki said. “Speaking of, your friend Ren has some nice words about Dr. Maruki. If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, or if this opened any old wounds, I’d suggest paying him a visit.”

Ann smiled. “Yeah, she’s told me as such. And I’ve been thinking about it. I might go soon.”

“Well then, have a good rest of your day,” Hiroki said. Ann nodded and walked out.

Once she met up with Ren, Ren asked “Well, how’d it go.”

Ann was thinking about how to answer that. “About as well as you’d expect. I mean, I had been in Kamoshida’s sights for a while, so there was a lot to unpack.”

Ren frowned. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry” Ann insisted. “You’ve done so much for me. You’re basically my hero.”

Ren blushed immensely. “Thanks.”

“Anyways, we should get going,” Ann said. “We don’t want to keep them too long.”

“Right” Ren nodded. They both headed to Station Square.

Once there, they saw everyone else. “Yo” Ryuji greeted them. “How’d it go? You OK?”

Ann smiled. “Yeah. It is a lot, but I think I did OK.”

“Lady Ann…” Morgana said, popping out of Ren’s bag.

“I’m sorry” Sumire blurted. “I should have said something earlier.”

The three other Shujin students were taken aback. “It’s OK,” Ren said, trying to calm her.

“Yeah, Kamoshida’s A LOT, even with a proper warning” Ryuji stated.

“Yeah. Don’t beat yourself up over it” Ann said. “Really, it’s fine.”

Sumire smiled. “Oh. Right. Speaking of warnings, had I known Akechi was going to be the interviewee, or that you were going to the TV studio at all, I might have told you about him.”

Ren smiled. “That’s fine,” she said. “I like charging into things head first sometimes.”

Sumire smiled back. “I can see why Akechi found you so engaging.”

Ann also smiled. “But you know who else we met?”

Sumire became inquizitive. “Who?”

“Your dad,” Ann answered.

“That’s right,” Ryuji said. “He thanked us for being your friend, and wanted us to thank Jose and Yusuke as well.”

Sumire was embarrassed. “R-Really?!”

“He actually talked to me twice,” Ren said.

This surprised Ann and Ryuji. “When was the second time?” Ryuji asked.

“After the interview,” Ren replied. “When you two left, Akechi came up to me with an offer of friendship. He came up to us and we had a little chat.”

“And you said ‘no’, right?” Ryuji asked. “To being friends with Akechi.”

“I actually said ‘yes’” Ren informed him.

“WHAT?!” Ryuji reacted.

“Well, he seemed nice enough,” Ren said. “Besides, he’s not totally against us, just if we abuse our power, which we won’t.”

“I think that makes sense,” Jose said. “It’s more of a fear than an outrage.”

“Fear, huh” Ryuji reflected. He stared at the dirt.

“What’s wrong?” Yusuke asked.

Ryuji looked up. “N-Nuthin’.”

“It’s OK, we’re all friends here” Ren said, assuring him.

Ryuji looked at her. “Not here. We’re too public.”

“I see,” Ren said. “Well, shall we head over.”

“Of course!” Yusuke said. “I cannot wait for this hot pot!” The gang started walking over to Leblanc. “By the way Ann,” Yusuke began. Ann looked at him. “If I decide to leave the dorms, would it be OK to live with you?”

Ann, Ryuji, and Morgana panicked. Ann blushed. “Of course not!”

“Huh?” Yusuke said, surprised.

Ren seemed a tad confused. “I’m not sure he’s the type to do what you’re thinking.”

“Well, maybe, I guess…” Ann trailed off. “But it would be a bit awkward. I mean, there would be times when it would be just the two of us.”

“Yeah…” Ryuji added.

“Oh. I didn’t know” Yusuke said.

“It’s fine,” Ann said.

They reached Leblanc. Yusuke looked up. “This is where you live?”

“Yup” Ren said. She opened the door.

Sojiro turned around. “Huh. I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

“I’m just bringing some friends over,” Ren explained. “Is that OK?”

One by one, everyone started walking in. Yusuke stepped in and took a considerable look around. “Ah, you have a new guy with you,” Sojiro noted.

“Yup” Jose said. “He’s my senpai at Kosei. He’s been feeling a bit anxious, so we thought some time amongst friends would be helpful.”

“Ah. Where are my manners?” Yusuke said. “My name is Yusuke Kitagawa.”

“I see,” Sojiro said. He saw Yusuke looking around. “My name’s Sojiro but you can call me ‘Boss’ If you’d like. So, anything strike your fancy?”

“Huh?” Yusuke said. “Oh, sorry. I’m just perplexed is all. I’ve never met anyone who lives in a dining establishment.

“Heh, well, it takes all kinds,” Sojiro said.

“I’ll say,” Yusuke said. He looked over to see a set of stairs. “Do you live upstairs, or does she?”

“I do,” Ren said. “Sojiro lives in a house close by.”

“Ah, I see,” Yusuke said. “...Wait…”

“Before you ask, it’s complicated,” Sojiro said. “Moreso with me than with her.”

“Thanks boss,” Ren said. “So, if you don’t mind, I noticed a hot pot upstairs. Mind if we use it?”

“That old thing?” Sojiro responded. “Go ahead. I almost forgot it was there.”

“Sweet. Thanks” Ren said. “Well, you heard the man, let’s get this set up!” The gang headed upstairs. Ren and Ryuji got the hot pot down. “Alright then. I suppose ingredients are next. I’ll go see what we have, and what we need. Does anyone have any preferences?”

“Nah!” Ryuji said. “I’m sure whatever we make will be delicious!”

“Anyone else?” Ren asked.

“I’m with Ryuji-senpai,” Sumire said.

“Well, then I guess it’s settled,” Ren said. “I’ll be right back.” Ren went downstairs.

Ryuji looked around. “What’s up?” Jose asked

Ryuji was taken off guard. “Well, it’s just, we haven’t really been up here before…”

“Yeah…” Ann realized. She also looked around. “This place is...a bit different than I expected. But like...good different?”

Sumire looked around. “It’s not traditional, but I guess it works.”

“I’ll say,” Yusuke noted. “I wonder why she doesn’t live with her father.”

“Well, that’s more her place today” Ann said.

“But didn’t he say it was more on him?” Yuske inquired.

“Oh” Ann said. “No, Sojiro isn’t her father.”

“Huh,” Yusuke noted.

Ren came back up. “OK, I’m missing a few ingredients. Who wants to come with me to get some?”

“I’ll go,” Yusuke offered. “I’d like to know more about this place you call home.”

No one was expecting quite a dramatic take on it, but they settled into it quickly. “OK, sure” Ren said. “Anyone else?”

“Nah, we’ll hold down the fort here,” Ryuji said.

“Alright then Let’s go Yusuke,” Ren said. The two of them left to grab some ingredients for the hot pot.

While in the grocery store, Yusuke asked “So, why are you living there?”

Ren turned her attention to him. “Oh yeah. I guess you wouldn’t know, would you. It might be better to explain things when we get back, since I don’t think Jose knows either.”

“I see,” Yusuke responded. “Very well. Let’s continue.” Ren and Yusue picked out some more ingredients and headed back. Once upstairs, Yusuke declared “Alright! Let’s make some hot pot!”

The gang began making hot pot. Ren took charge since it was her room and Sojiro’s pot. She wanted to be careful, while listening to the group to get some good input. Once they finished, they began serving it.

“MMMMMMMM” Ann deighted. “This is SOOOO GOOOOD!”

“Indeed,” Yusuke said. This is DELICIOUS!”

“Boy, I’ll say,” Ryuji said. “Maybe you should become a professional.”

Ren swallowed her latest bit of hot pot. “That might be a bad idea. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be the only cook with a record.”

“R-Record?” Yusuk said, surprised.

“Oh right, Yusuke doesn’t know,” Ann said.

“Yeah” Ren said, “but I did promise to tell him.” Ren smiled. “So, basically, what happened was one night in my hometown, some guy was trying to force this woman into his car. I decided to try and stop it, but he fell down and had me arrested for assault.”

Yusuke was incensed. “Surely the woman would have said something.”

Ren shook her head. “The guy had immense sway. He even had the police leave his name out of the report. Once I got out on probation, my parents thought that with my already turbulent school life, things might become too much, and so they arranged for me to stay here.”

Yusuke was stunned. “Huh.”

“To be honest, we’re all kind of like that, at least a little,” Sumire noted. “I mean, you already know about my trauma, and we all know yours.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Yusuke said.

“Yeah” Ryuji said. “We’re all just a bunch of misfits here. I think that’s what makes us good thieves.” Ryuji looked at the floor.

“Ryuji?” Ann asked.

“Ah, right,” Ryuji said, refocusing. “I was just thinking about what Jose said earlier. About how that Akechi guy might be motivated by a fear of us. I’m just… My mom practically lived in fear of my dad until the day he left. She’s still kind of afraid of him. Not that she’d ever tell me. But I see it.” Ryuji looked at his hands. “I get why someone might be afraid of what we do, but I don’t want people to fear us. I don’t want to use what we have to scare people.”

Everyone went a little silent. Yusuke then spoke up. “As someone who also lived by fear, I can assure you, what we do is different. The people we are fighting are more about using fear to get what they want. When we reject their scare tactics, we are ripping off their mask to reveal the pathetic people they really are.”

Everyone was stunned. “Woah!” Ryuji said.

Ann smiled. “Well, so long as we’re talking about this sort of thing…”

“You too?” Yusuke said, surprised.

“Well, I don’t have anything quite so extreme,” Ann explained, “but… I dunno. I’ve always felt out of place. People only see me for my looks most of the time, so they think that’s who I really am.”

“Ah! I’m sorry” Yusuke said, bowing.

“...Uh, what for?” Ann asked.

“When I asked to paint you,” Yusuke said. “At the time, I didn’t know much about you, but I was taken in with your look and your energy. Forgive me.”

Ann smiled. “You’re fine. In fact, you’re a lot better than a lot of other people. A lot of the time, they don’t think to ask me what I feel, or care what I think like you did, they just want me as they see me, without any input from me.”

“Oh” Yusuke said. “That sounds difficult.”

“Yeah” Ann said. She smiled. “However, after finding people like you all, I finally feel better and more confident about what I want, and putting a voice to that confidence.”

“Way to go Ann” Jose said.

Yusuke looked at Jose. “So, what about you?”

Jose smiled. “Well, I don’t really have much.”

Morgana joined in. “Yeah, Jose and I are kind of in the same boat.”

“How come?” Yusuke asked.

“Well, Mr. Morgana and I aren’t originally from this world” Jose explained.

“Right…” Yusuke said. “I remember now. You did explain that.”

“I’m here as an assistant to Ren, and Jose was exploring Mementos until some shadows raided him” Morgana reiterated.

“So, we’re both looking at humanity from the outside in,” Jose continued. “I’ve been tasked with learning about humans, and the Phantom Thieves have been helping me.”

I see” Yusuke said. “Hm. Delightful.”

“Huh?” Ann asked.

‘Forgive me,” Yusuke continued. “I was being selfish. At the first sign of trouble with dorm life, I intended to turn tail and run. But hearing your stories made me change my mind. I felt so alone in my torment from Madarame that I forgot other people have hardships too. So, to follow your example, I need to face things head on, instead of running from them. Besides, I doubt the dorms will be as bad as Madarame.”

“Yusuke…” Ann said.

Ren smiled and clapped. Everyone who could clapped too. “Great job Yusuke.”

“Huh?” Yusuke said, confused.

“You’re taking your first step into the real world. I know it can be hard, but we’ll be with you every step of the way” Ren continued.

Yusuke was stunned, then smiled. “I see. Thank you.” The group continued eating.

Fool-The Phantom Thieves: Rank 4

They spent some more time together, but pretty much once the pot was empty, everyone started heading home.

As Ren was just getting ready for bed, Ann messaged her.

Ann: Hey.

Ann: I know I’m not the one who determines these things,

Ann: but I remember at our last celebration you told Ryuji, Morgana, and I that you were a lesbian.

Ann: Why not this time?

Ren smiled and blushed ever so slightly.

Ren: It’s not that I don’t want to.

Ren: There’s just another compilation.

Ann: Complication?

Ann: What do you mean?

Ren: ...Sumire…

There was a minute of no response.

Ann: Oh. OH. Huh.

Ann: Well, I hope you can tell her one day.

Ren: I hope so too.

Ren: I’m just...very afraid.

Ann: I don’t think she’d hate you or anything.

Ren: Right.

Ren: Still…

Ann: Yeah, I doubt any of this is easy.

Ann: But you know I’m always there for you.

Ren: Yeah. Thanks.

Ann: Any time.

Ren smiled, put her phone down, and fell asleep.

The next morning, she got up, and headed downstairs for breakfast when she noticed something new. The original “Sayuri”, the one they stole from Madarame’s palace, hanging up in Leblanc. “You like?” Sojiro said. “That Yusuke boy came by this morning and asked if he could hang it up here. I asked him if he really wanted to. He seemed dead set on the idea. Honestly, that kid marches to the beat of his own drum. But then again, look who I’m talking to.”

“I see,” Ren said. She smiled.

“He also gave me this message for you,” Sojiro said, handing her a piece of paper.

Ren took it and began reading. “Ren, Thank you for yesterday. It really helped me put things into perspective. I wish to continue serving the Phantom Thieves, and yesterday really gave me the chance to truly understand what that means. I will not run away or back down. I will face these challenges head on.

As for the painting, the legacy of the ‘Sayuri’ is pretty much tainted. However, it is such a beautiful and masterful piece of art on its own that I cannot let it go to waste. It then hit me: You and the ‘Sayuri’ are similar in this way. You’ve both lost your place to belong. So I decided to emulate you and place it here, so that it can gain a new home, and hopefully a new purpose. I hope you and the Boss take good care of it. -Yusuke”

As Ren read it, she wiped a tear forming in her eyes. “Thank you. I needed that perspective too.” Sojiro just looked on, smiled, and whipped her up a cup of coffee.

Meanwhile, Yusuke was looking at the picture he had taken of the “Sayuri” in Leblanc. He eventually decided to send it to Kosuke. When Kosuke got it, he smiled and said “Right where it belongs.”

[dameronsgalaxygal]

I’ve Been Waiting For You - Chapter 2: I Have a Dream

series masterlist

Pairing: modern!poe x reader

Warnings: Mentions of a past abusive relationship, language, mentions of vomit.

Word Count: 2633

Song Link: I Have a Dream

A/N: Don’t forget to listen to the song! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist & feedback is always appreciated!

Summary: After getting to Florida, you decide wether you want to relax and settle in, or if you want to get straight to meeting people and kickstart your new life. 

The flight seemed to go by faster than you had expected. Maybe because you had kept yourself occupied by writing the entire time.

You had no idea what you wanted to do with your life. You loved reading and writing, which is why you became an English major. You also loved music. Which is why you became a music minor. You often wrote song lyrics in your journal. Songs that would never be published or even heard. But, it gave you an escape when you were in your relationship with Kyle. You allowed your mind to relax and just write.

So that’s what you did on your flight. You wrote about the pros and cons about moving to Florida. You wrote a list of things you would do, places you would go, jobs you were interested in. You even wrote your feelings toward Kyle. All bad feelings, of course.

A tear escaped your eyes as your past washed over you. You weren’t sure when you would be able to heal from what Kyle put you through. It was going to take a really long time, you knew that much. It hurt more knowing you had been keeping what he had done to you a secret. Rey knew most of what had happened, but not all of it. You couldn’t find the courage to tell her. To tell anyone. You thought of maybe looking for a therapist, someone who wouldn’t judge you, someone who didn’t know, when you got to Florida. No. Then Rey will ask and I will have to tell her.

You needed someone to talk to. But who? For now your thoughts, feelings and emotions stayed within that matte blue notebook you carried nearly everywhere.

You were snapped out of your thoughts when the captain came back onto the intercom.

“Alright everyone, we will be landing in about twenty minutes. Flight attendants please prepare the cabin for landing. My co-captain and I want to thank you for choosing Yavin Airlines, and we hope to see you again soon. Enjoy your stay, or welcome back, to Miami!” He said enthusiastically.

You sighed softly to yourself, finishing up your writing before closing your notebook and placing it in your carry on and putting the tray table up.

You looked out the window as the plane descended, taking in the beautiful skyline and beaches. You smiled softly to yourself. This was about to be your new home, your new future. While it was scary, you couldn’t help but be a little bit excited to start over.

After finally landing, you gathered your carryon items and waited to exit the plane. As you neared the exit, you smiled and thanked the flight attendants and captain, who were standing right outside the cockpit.

You must have been distracted by how undeniably handsome the pilot was that you didn’t realize your jacket had fallen from around your waist.

As you exited the plane, you heard someone call behind you.

“Excuse me, Miss?”

You turned around quickly to see the captain walking towards you with your jacket. “You dropped this.”

You didn’t know why, but your cheeks turned bright pink. “Thank you.” You smiled softly before taking your jacket back.

“No problem”. He smiled back.

You probably stared at him for a good ten seconds before finally speaking. “Um, have a good one”. You turned back around to leave.

“You too!” You heard him call.

You quickly wrapped your jacket around your waist and made your way to baggage claim. Maybe it was because you were embarrassed, or maybe it was because a very beautiful man approached you, but your cheeks remained flushed. Maybe it was both.

After gathering your bags, you headed outside to see Rey in her small blue sedan. She smiled wide when she saw you, getting out of the car and running around the car to hug you.

You dropped your bags and pulled her into a hug, your eyes immediately forming tears. “I missed you so much”.

“I missed you too.”

“Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.” You whispered softly.

“You’re welcome.” She hugged you tighter. “Come on, let’s go”. She helped you put your bags in the trunk.

Rey's apartment wasn’t very far from the airport. You two talked about how school was going for her, her new job at Resistance Tech Co., and how she had just found Connie was moving out to live with her boyfriend, which meant that you had an entire room to yourself. She mentioned that if you weren’t coming, she would have been pissed at Connie for telling them the day before she left, but you had decided to come at a convenient time. However, it also meant you were going to have to pay more money for rent. You would worry about finding a job later. Right now you just wanted to settle in.

Her apartment wasn’t too small. It had three bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. It wasn’t huge, but it was homely. You dropped your bags into Connie’s old room, which was now yours, before heading back into the living room.  

“Y/N, this is Rose.” Rey introduced you to her roommate. She was short with dark hair and she was smiling wide.

“Hi.” You stuck your hand out to shake hers, but she pulled you into a hug which took you by surprise.

“I’ve heard a lot about you. I know this was very last minute, but we are going to have so much fun!” She stated.

You laughed softly before pulling away and running your hand through your hair.

“Yeah, sorry for so little notice. I just really had to get out of New York. It was getting...old” You struggled for the word at first.

“I completely get it! You know, when I lived in-”

“Alright, Rose. I’m sure Y/N is exhausted from her flight, so let’s let her rest, yeah?” Rey cut Rose off.

“Right! Sorry.” She smiled. “I’m going to get ready for Finn's party.” She turned and trutted to her room.

“You’re going to a party tonight?” You asked nervously as you and Rey walked into your bedroom.

“Yeah. It’s one of my coworkers birthday tonight and his roommate is throwing him a surprise party. I would ask if you wanted to come but I assumed you were tired.” Rey responded.

You nodded. “Yeah. Yeah I think I’ll stay here. Maybe decorate the room and just get settled in. Unpack and stuff.” You were a bit uneasy about going to a big gathering and meeting people right away, so you thought it would be best to just relax at your new home for a while.

“Sounds good. Here’s your key, by the way” She handed it to you and you placed it on the desk. Rent is paid off for the next two months, but starting then we’re gonna need you to pay. Food is in the kitchen. Feel free to watch TV. The AC is by my room. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll be in my room getting ready, so I’ll be here for another hour or so.” She smiled and went to leave the room.

You nodded and smiled back before going to your bags to unpack.

As you pulled your notebook from your carry on bag, you sighed softly before throwing it on the desk. You thought about all of the negative thoughts that spiraled your mind during your flight. You opened it, reading some of your notes.

Did he mean what he said? Of course he did. I am nothing to him.

You slammed it shut before putting it into one of the desk drawers. It hit you that staying home alone tonight probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Besides, this was a time to start fresh. You didn’t want to continue dwelling on Kyle. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere. Your dream was to forget about your past and to let yourself be you. Not like this was going to happen overnight, but if you stayed back, you felt that this would become a habit and that you wouldn’t find yourself being happy anytime soon.

You headed towards Rey’s room before knocking on her door softly.

“Come in!”

You opened her door and saw her standing in front of her mirror examining herself. She was wearing a red blouse and skinny jeans with a black belt.

“You look nice”. You smiled at her.

“Thank you! You never know who could be at these things, you know?” She smirked.

You laughed slightly. “Right. Hey, um, I was actually wondering if it was okay that I did tag along.”

Rey glanced at you. “Yeah of course. You sure you aren’t too tired?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Also I just don’t really want to be alone tonight.”

She nodded in understanding. “We’re leaving in about fifteen minutes”.

“Okay, just let me know.” You walked back into your room and changed into a pair of black leggings and a pink blouse. You threw on your jean jacket and converse before heading into the living room to see Rose and Rey.

“Ready?” Rey asked with a smile.

“Yep.” You smiled back before heading out.

When you got to Finn's place, you were a bit nervous. You didn’t know anyone and that scared you a bit. You weren’t sure what these people would be like, and you don’t know what you would do or how you would react if someone tried to make a move on you.

You were starting to think this was a bad idea.

No. I’ll be okay. Rey is here. If I feel unsafe, I’ll let her know. It’s just gonna take time for me to feel okay again, you reassured yourself before walking inside with your new roommates.

There were a lot of people. You gulped as you looked around, staying closely behind Rey.

Rey guided you through the home. “I need to find Poe and let him know we’re here so he can tell Finn to come home.”

Poe. You had heard that name before, but you brushed it off.

Their apartment was bigger, and way nicer, than Rey’s. Whoever Poe and Finn were, they had a lot of money.

“Poe!” Rey rose her arm to catch the man's attention.

Wow. The young man was beautiful. You felt as though you had seen him before, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it, anxiety still rushing through you due to all of the people surrounding you.

“Finally you’re here. Snap has been stalling with Finn for thirty minutes.” He approached your group, sighing. He looked down at his phone and texted someone something before looking back up and smiling. He looked at you and cocked his eyebrow slightly. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve met”.

“Poe, this is my cousin Y/N. She just moved in with me from New York.” She gestured to you.

“Hi” You smiled nervously.

“Poe Dameron”. He reached a hand out to shake yours.

You were hesitant but then it hit you. Hello, ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain Poe Dameron speaking…

You shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m sorry, this is a really random question, but are you a pilot?”

He smirked. “I am! I fly for Yavin Airlines.”

You chuckled lightly. “I’m pretty sure I was on your flight from New York today.”

He chuckled back before he realized. “That’s right, you dropped your jacket.”

Your face completely heat up. Before you could reply to him, the sound of a door unlocking was heard.

“Everyone hide!” Poe whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. Chaos emerged as people quickly found a hiding place and Rey pulled you behind a wall.

Suddenly two men entered and everyone jumped to reveal themselves. “SURPRISE!”

“Shit!” One of the two men, who you assumed was Finn, yelped.

Everyone started laughing and wished Finn a happy birthday. You were introduced to Finn and Snap, who you also remembered was the co-pilot of your flight earlier, and then the party began.

You clung to Rey like a child since you didn’t really know anyone, her introducing you to her friends and coworkers. Rey and Finn were both technical engineers at a computer company called Resistance Tech, and they both attended the University of Miami as graduate students. You couldn’t help but wonder how an engineering student became roommates with a pilot, but you kept the question to yourself.

“So what made you want to move here?” Poe had approached you from behind and it made you jump. You turned to face him and were taken aback once again by his good looks.

“Oh..I..um...I just kinda got sick of the big city lifestyle.” You smiled softly.

He nodded. “I mean, you know Miami is kind of the same. Big city and all.” He teased.

You blushed. “Yeah, well, I just wanted to see what was so special about Miami. Rey loves it, so I wanted to try it.”

“Got it. Can I get you a drink?”

You spent the rest of the evening sitting on the couch talking to Poe. Your anxiety seemed to go away and your muscles weren’t as tense. He was really easy to talk to, and he was funny as hell. You learned that he was 26 and that he became a pilot when he was 22. You could tell that he loved flying just by the way he would talk about it, and it made you feel warm inside. It made you feel nice knowing that it was possible to feel joy. Something you had never really felt before.

“What about you? What do you do?” He took a sip of his beer.

Your smile faded. “Well, I just graduated from NYU with an English major. I don’t really know what I want to do yet.” Your hands played with your red solo cup you were holding.

“Well if you are looking for some part time work, my aunt owns a bookstore down by the beach. It’s good hours and decent pay. I can put in a good word for you if you’d like” He said.

Your eyes lit up with hope. “That would actually be really nice. Thank you.”

He smiled, “Of course.” He pulled out his phone before scrolling through it and handing it to you. “If you wanted to put your number...I’ll text you her information.”

You hesitated, gulping softly before taking his phone and typing your number. You had no reason to be afraid of Poe. He was sweet, already helping you find a job, wanting to get to know you instead of taking you straight to bed. This was new to you.

You handed it back to him with a thank you before Rey approached you. “Hey, Y/N, we should head out. Rose is-”

“Rose is fine!!” Rose was stumbling through the house, definitely wasted.

Rey rolled her eyes. “We should go before Rose barfs all over the carpet.”

You chuckled lightly before turning back to Poe and standing up. “Thank you again. It was really nice to meet you. I’ll see you around.”

He nodded, reaching out for another handshake, “You too, Y/N”.

You smiled at him before shaking his hand once again. You headed out, wishing Finn a happy birthday again, and then helping Rey put Rose in the car.

You left the party feeling way better than you had felt when you had arrived. You couldn’t help but keep a small smile on your face the whole ride home, even with Rey having to pull over to allow Rose to throw up.

Maybe there really is good in people. Maybe things would be okay after all.

taglist <open>: @twomoonstwosuns @writingforhoursonend  @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol @lanatheawesome @darksideofclarke @fanfiction-trashpile @fantasticcopeaglepasta @rewritingstarrs @softly-sad

[timeandspacelord]

Fandom does not talk enough about how much shit Annabeth went through by the time she was 17.

Toxic family throughout her childhood led to her running away at age 7, fully intending to live on her own until she happened to meet Thalia and Luke, who she instantly bonded with. They go through their share of terrifying events until Grover finds them and as they're on their way to CHB at which point part of Annabeth's found family is ripped away from her and turns into a tree. And Annabeth is 7. She then spends the next 5 years working her ass off to prove herself to literally everyone around her. Then Percy shows up and she finally gets to go on a quest and nearly die only to find out that Luke, the other part of her found family, has betrayed her. So she's very broken up over that, but she still goes with Percy in SoM, she almost dies a lot, and it culminates with Thalia getting resurrected, which is a mixed bag because "yay found family" but also "this was a Plot by the bad guy who's also the last part of this found family". So you know, fun terrible times. And then she gets kidnapped and is forced to hold up the sky, and that ends with her kind of losing Thalia again, this time to the Hunters (and this all happens by the time she's 13). The Labyrinth happens and she thinks Percy died, but then he's okay, but then they're in the middle of an all-out, big scary war. At this point she's only 15 and still very conflicted over Luke. Then she spends a full year doing war strategizing and suchlike and the Summer To End All Summers kicks off with her thinking, yet again, that Percy died. Then all the war stuff happens, Percy becomes immortal, she almost dies for him, and she ultimately has to watch - and kind of implement - Luke's death. She's 16.

So she and Percy get together and hope they'll have time to have a relationship, but nope, they get about 2 months before Percy goes missing, which, considering all she's been through and the past 2 times she fully believed Percy was dead, is terrifying to her. So she spends months scouring the earth for him, but finds some randos instead, one of whom happens to be a sort of linchpin in a new Grand Scheme of the gods because there's a new Huge Danger, and he's also Thalia's brother. And so she helps them build a warship and come up with a plan to deal with this new Great Prophecy, and 8 months after Percy went missing, she can finally meet up with him again. Only to spend like, a couple weeks (?) with him before she has to embark, alone, on a highly dangerous, yet absolutely crucial sidequest that forces her to face her biggest fear ever and ends in both her and Percy falling into Tartarus. And then they go through Tartarus, which is literally hell and bundled with a bunch of trauma, and they've barely even gotten out when they have to hurry up and leave to go Boss Fight mother nature. So they do that, but it's pointless and they have to get yeeted all the way back to New York to fight Boss Fight 2: Electric Boogaloo against mother nature and some angry/mislead Romans. And finally that is done, and Annabeth has experienced loss and death and unimaginable pain and trauma, and she's still only 16 (maybe 17, I can't remember when exactly BoO ends).

But she's still not done, oh no! Some time after that (I think in the late fall?), she gets a call that her cousin on her father's side, from whom they'd been estranged due to Family Things, is dead. So she goes to attend his funeral or whatever only to find out that he's not actually dead. Well, he is, but only sort of, because it turns out he's a ghost (kinda) and his dad is also a god, just of the Norse variety, and he's living it up in the viking afterlife waiting for the end of the world. So now Annabeth knows she's blood related to two different pantheons of gods (and that there's a third one just chilling in Brooklyn), and her family is even more crazy and weird and messed up. And she's 17. And attending college.

I am 19 and if I'd experienced even a fraction of that in my lifetime, I would spontaneously combust due to the sheer damage to my psyche. Also, I'm struggling enough with uni with just my baggage and mental health stuff, I cannot imagine how she's juggling school work, really bad dyslexia, ADHD, training and/or likely monster attacks, and all the serious trauma she absolutely has to be dealing with after all of that.

[carewyncromwell]

Ficlet: Educational Decree #23

@drinkyoursoupbitch mentioned enjoying Lawyer!Carewyn, so...I decided to write this not-so-quick not-so-little fic drabble, featuring my MC, Carewyn Cromwell, and her Surrogate BBBFF, Bill Weasley. This is set in May 1996, circa the end of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and right after Voldemort’s return has been fully revealed to the Wizarding World.

One note about Carey’s involvement with the Order -- due to her baggage with Dumbledore and her own inherent pacifism, Carewyn is not an active member of the Order of the Phoenix, at least not in the traditional sense. She does help them in her own way and on her own terms, but Carewyn hasn’t served as any kind of representative for or agent of the organization, fought in any conflicts with Death Eaters, or even attended any Order meetings in person. Most of the aid she’s provided the Order is through leaking intelligence to them through her old friends Tonks and Jae and in going out of her way to serve as legal council to Fudge so she can write and work on cases that she would know well enough to subsequently dismantle at the proper moment. Carewyn has also kept known associates of Dumbledore like the Weasleys and the Hogwarts staff at arm’s length and not spoken to them much at all, so as to not give Fudge reason to question her loyalties or look too deeply at her activities. Therefore Carewyn and Bill -- keeping an eye on the greater good -- have not shared direct correspondence for nearly a year, which has definitely been hard on both of them, as after Rowan’s death, the two have come to see each other as their respective best friend.

~~~~~

The Ministry of Magic may have been in a state of confusion thanks to the revelation of Voldemort’s return -- but no matter how chaotic things were, or how many enchanted memos flew through the air, Bill Weasley was never not going to stick out like a sore thumb.

The ponytailed Cursebreaker towered over many of the employees scrambling around him as he climbed into the lift that led to the other levels. He could feel several side-long glances his way -- no doubt interested in his violet-black leather jacket with silver spiked shoulders and the Peruvian Vipertooth fang earring in his right ear.

‘Maybe I should’ve drank some Polyjuice,’ he thought sheepishly. ‘Come disguised as someone else.’

But he brushed the thought off. As good as it would’ve been to not attract as much attention, he knew he didn’t want to waste time. The Ministry having finally come around to the idea of Voldemort’s return meant that Carewyn presumably no longer had to walk on eggshells and pretend not to know everybody -- and, well, there was a lot to plan. Bill knew Carewyn would want to know everything that had happened, and now that the truth had come out, he wanted to be the one to tell her. If nothing else, Carewyn would definitely prefer a private meeting with him than one with Dumbledore.

“Level Two,” said the cool, serene female voice of the lift as it came to a stop. “Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Auror Offices.”

The cage-like door clattered open, and the employees in the lift came streaming out, fighting with a flood of equal size trying to take their place. Before Bill could climb out himself, however, he noticed a familiar mane of bright pink hair in the crowd of people pushing their way into the lift.

“Tonks!” said Bill.

The Metamorphagus looked up, and her face broke into a huge smile at the sight of him.

“Bill!”

The two exchanged a short hug.

“What in the world are you doing here, mate?” Tonks asked incredulously. “Gonna stick out just a touch in that get-up, aren’t you?”

“I already am sticking out,” Bill laughed. “Is Carewyn in her office?”

Tonks’s face grew a bit more serious.

“No, she’s on Level Nine -- Courtroom Ten. The Wizengamot’s discussing a challenge made to Educational Decree Number 23 -- you know, the one creating the High Inquisitor post? Apparently they summoned Carey as an expert witness.”

“Because she helped Fudge with a draft of that decree,” surmised Bill.

Tonks nodded.

“Well, I’ll go on ahead and find her down there, then,” said Bill.

He sidled back into the lift, and Tonks came up to stand beside him as the cage doors closed and the lift began to move again.

“Wish I could come with you,” said Tonks softly, “but I’ve got a meeting with Remus right after work, I can’t be late.”

Bill cocked his eyebrows amusedly. “A meeting? Do you call all of your romantic rendez-vous’s that, Tonks?”

Tonks’s face darkened in a blush even as her face broke into a huge white grin.

“Oh, don’t tease! It’s for the Order,” she mumbled a bit more shyly.

Bill laughed.

The lift came to a stop.

“Level Eight,” said the cool, serene female voice. “Atrium.”

The doors clanged open, and the mob of employees flooded out. Tonks strode out of the lift too, waving to Bill over her shoulder.

“Say hi to the ‘General’ for me!” she said with a laugh.

Bill waved back, grinning at the reminder of Diego’s old nickname for Carewyn. The Dueling Champion had started calling her that after she and the others started the Circle of Khanna back in the day -- though Diego often punctuated it with modifiers like “brave General” or “kind General.”

The doors closed, and the lift began to descend again. Bill was the only one left inside now, so he could actually stretch a bit without hitting any of the dozen people fencing him in on either side.

‘Carey stayed in Fudge’s good graces this last year so she could sabotage him wherever she could -- keep him from grabbing absolute power, and help us fight You-Know-Who,’ Bill recalled. ‘So she no doubt wrote that draft of the decree with the intention of having it challenged.’

Something rubbed Bill the wrong way, though.

‘The Wizengamot summoned her as a witness, no doubt to defend it...but why would they even bother defending it? Fudge has been proven wrong about You-Know-Who. And why is Carey just an expert witness, when she could have made the challenge herself?’

“Level Nine,” said the cool, serene female voice of the lift as it came to its last stop. “Department of Mysteries.”

The cage door clattered open again, and Bill climbed out.

Level Nine was unique among the floors of the Ministry for its reflective black-tiled walls and ceilings. Bill’s leather boots clapped against the floor with every step, the sound echoing off of every surface down the hall behind him as he walked.

He turned a corner and found Courtroom Ten. Trying to be as quiet as he could, he turned the silver doorknob in the center of the door and inched it open.

“...position was created for the welfare of the students, was it not? To better regulate and enforce the standards for their educators -- the professors put in charge of their care?”

Bill identified Fudge’s blustering voice at once, though it sounded much shakier and more feeble than usual.

“...That was supposed to be its intent, yes.”

‘Carey!’

Bill sidled into the room, settling down into the half-full stands of the courtroom so he could see.

Fudge sat up near the head of the Courtroom’s box seats, spinning his lime green bowler hat in both hands in his lap. The top seat, however, which belonged to the Chief Warlock, was once again occupied by Albus Dumbledore, dressed in embroidered lavender robes and a matching pointed hat. Bill also noticed his younger brother Percy -- as Junior Undersecretary -- sitting in the Head Scribe’s Chair, in the far right corner. Percy, true to form, seemed to be purposefully avoiding Bill’s gaze.

On the floor, a young man with dark hair and a set of white-collared brown pinstripe robes who Bill recognized as ex-Ravenclaw Prefect Chester Davies sat at the prosecution’s table. And sitting in the witness chair at the center of the room, dressed in high-necked, flowing forest green robes and gold star-like earrings, was Carewyn. Her ginger red hair was shorter than Bill remembered it, only reaching her chin, but her lipstick was as ruby red as ever. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her shoulders were low, making her appear incredibly uncomfortable.

Bill frowned. He’d never seen Carewyn slouch like that before...

“And -- and there have been...concerns over the years,” Fudge pressed, though he kept glancing anxiously out the side of his eye up at Dumbledore beside him, “letters sent by parents of the students, expressing concerns about...previous staff appointments at Hogwarts, yes?”

“Objection,” said Chester Davies rather coolly. “The witness is here to testify about the legality of the measure, not to give justification for why it was written.”

“Sustained,” said Dumbledore airily.

His light blue eyes drifted down to Fudge, and although they weren’t at all sharp or reproachful, the Minister flinched all the same. Dumbledore then looked down at Carewyn, inclining his head slightly.

“Miss Cromwell...your legal counsel was that there was nothing on the books forbidding the creation of the High Inquisitor position -- is that correct?”

Despite the slight discomfort in her posture, Carewyn kept her eyes solidly on Dumbledore as she spoke.

“Yes, Professor.”

“So in your view, it would not be illegal for the Ministry to influence the way Hogwarts is run -- to circumvent the authority of the school’s own Headmaster?”

“I could find nothing on the books outlawing it,” said Carewyn solemnly. “There is no law forbidding the Ministry from regulating Hogwarts’s educational practices, staff appointments, or lesson plans. However one personally feels about Educational Decree Number 23...”

She inclined her head respectfully to Dumbledore.

“...I would conclude that it was legal.”

Fudge’s face was twitching as if he wanted to smile, but seemed too afraid to when he glanced around at Dumbledore and the rest of the Wizengamot on either side of him, whose faces were all decidedly stony.

Dumbledore’s eyes flickered from Carewyn to Chester Davies at the prosecution table and back. Then he gave Carewyn a short, respectful nod in return.

“Thank you, Miss Cromwell. Mr. Davies -- you may now cross-examine the witness.”

Chester rose to his feet, his shoulders straight back and tall. He strode around the table slowly, but with purpose, his robes billowing slightly behind him as he came up beside Carewyn, his arms folded behind his back. His eyes never rested on anyone in particular -- instead they hovered somewhere in the area of the abandoned far corner of the stands.

“Miss Cromwell,” he said, his voice very cool, “when Fudge first approached you for legal counsel, why did he want the High Inquisitor position created?”

“O-objection!” Fudge stammered. “That’s a prejudicial question!”

“Overruled,” said Dumbledore calmly. “It’s a factual question -- one I’d quite like to know the answer to. Proceed with your answer, Miss Cromwell.”

Carewyn had shifted her gaze over to Chester. Although Chester wasn’t looking at her, she kept her eyes locked on his face.

“...He said...that he wished to keep Dumbledore in check,” she said very quietly.

Both the Wizengamot members and the gallery startled to mumble amongst themselves. Bill noticed a reporter with an uneven light blond haircut and a snake tattoo on his arm in the stands scribbling notes furiously. Even Percy paused in his writing, glancing up at Fudge uneasily. Fudge’s face had flushed the shade of a fine red wine.

Chester’s eyebrows rose. Though he kept his gaze on the abandoned far corner of the stands, quiet confidence rippled off of him as he strolled leisurely to the other side of Carewyn.

“Had Albus Dumbledore been charged with any crime by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?” he asked.

“Objection!” said Fudge again. “Completely irrelevant! We’re discussing the decree, not Dumbledore!”

“Overruled,” said Dumbledore. “Miss Cromwell’s previous answer has linked both you and me to the decree, Cornelius. Proceed, Miss Cromwell.”

“No,” said Carewyn.

“Had Albus Dumbledore been under investigation for a specific crime by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement?” asked Chester.

“Objection!” Fudge burst out, sounding both more frustrated and desperate. “This line of questioning is highly inflammatory -- ”

“Overruled,” Dumbledore cut him off very smoothly. “The truth can often be inflammatory. Proceed, Miss Cromwell.”

“No -- though he was placed under Ministry surveillance.”

“Objection!” whimpered Fudge. “We’ll need to cross-examine that claim -- ”

“Overruled. Our examination of the witness is through, and she’s merely stating facts of the case. Proceed, Mr. Davies.”

“And,” said Chester, his voice a bit sharper now, “was the High Inquisitor position filled again, once Dolores Umbridge -- with the passing of Educational Decree Number 28 -- replaced Dumbledore and became Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?”

“Objection!”

“Overruled.”

Carewyn inclined her head slightly, her blue eyes narrowing slightly upon Chester’s face seriously.

“No.”

Chester’s mouth had spread into a small smirk by this point. He’d stopped in front of Carewyn and faced her at last, his dark eyes gleaming with triumph.

“Interesting. So the High Inquisitor position -- which, the Minister has stated for the press was there to ‘keep order’ and ‘address the falling standards at Hogwarts school’ -- was no longer needed as soon as Albus Dumbledore left his position as Headmaster. Even though Headmistress Umbridge would go on to try to forcibly remove Professor Rubeus Hagrid from the Hogwarts grounds -- an attempt that resulted in severe injury for Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall...and even though the Inquisitorial Squad created to assist the High Inquisitor had not been disbanded and was actually given more authority after the fact...the position of High Inquisitor no longer needed to be filled. No further effort was needed to regulate Hogwarts’s educational practices. Once Dumbledore was gone, so too was the need for the position...and therefore the decree.”

Fudge’s flushed face had turned a dark purple.

“Objection!” he squeaked.

“Overruled,” Dumbledore said very quietly, but very firmly.

“Regulation is legal,” Chester plowed on, pacing slowly across the room without looking anyone in the eye, “as long as it’s consistent. There can be no singling out of individual citizens, particularly when it’s not in the pursuit of legal action. Regardless of the Minister’s distrust of him, Dumbledore had not been charged with and was not under investigation for a specific crime...so there would’ve been no probable cause for his personal activities to be regulated. Regulating educational policy, therefore, would only be legal as long as the regulation was consistent across the board -- if the High Inquisitor position both regulated Albus Dumbledore and Dolores Umbridge’s decisions as Head of Hogwarts school.”

“Object -- ”

“Overruled.”

“And so,” said Chester more fiercely, his gaze flashing up at Fudge with visible reproach, “the High Inquisitor position, and the decree that spawned it, was created for the express purpose of silencing political dissidents...namely one in particular -- Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.”

Chester then turned to Carewyn, his expression becoming much less harsh but no less severe.

“Would that be legal, in your opinion, Miss Cromwell?”

Carewyn stared Chester straight in the eye. Neither one of them blinked.

“No,” said Carewyn at last, very firmly. “The targeting of a private citizen with no legal justification would violate multiple laws, including the Third Clause of the Wizard’s Code of Civil Rights.”

Fudge’s face had lost most of its color, blanching to an ill grayish-white. The corners of Dumbledore’s mouth turned up in a very tiny, dewy smile.

Chester’s eyes narrowed slightly upon Carewyn’s face, almost softening.

“Thank you, Miss Cromwell. No further questions.”

Carewyn got to her feet. She looked like she wanted to say something to Chester, but decided against it and simply nodded, heading back up into the stands. She noticed Bill sitting in the rows, but did not move to greet him, instead taking a seat in the row behind the prosecutor’s table, away from the rest of the spectators.

Chester turned fully around to face the Wizengamot, unfolding his arms from behind his back at last.

“Members of the Wizengamot,” he said lowly, “I do not make this case with any desire to achieve political points. If nothing else...the danger we now find ourselves in makes it imperative that we set aside political squabbling. Whatever one’s opinion is of the Minister of Magic or his legislation...”

He shot a side-long glance at Fudge, as did many other members of the Court.

“...this is not the time for retaliation, but for justice. Educational Decree Number 23 was illegal both in its creation and especially in its execution -- and so it must be expunged forever from the law, and we must act to ensure that nothing like it ever is created again. This decision must be so universal that it sets a precedent -- one that, unlike the one this decree set, is one that evokes positive change. Hogwarts doesn’t need ‘regulation’ now -- it needs protection. We all need protection. So vote with your conscience. End this chapter of Ministry ineptitude and in-fighting...and start a new one, having made up for the mistakes we’ve made.”

Chester glanced at Fudge one more time, this time meeting his eyes. The Minister looked away uncomfortably. The young attorney then inclined his head respectfully to the rest of the court.

“Thank you.”

He took his seat at the prosecution table. The room was silent for a moment, before Dumbledore addressed the court.

“All those in favor of the decree being upheld?”

No one moved. Not a single member of the Wizengamot raised their hand -- not even Fudge, who kept his eyes locked on the bowler hat clutched in his trembling hands.

The reaction was so stunning that the spectators in the gallery began to whisper among themselves. The tattooed reporter in the stands scribbled some more notes furiously.

“All those in favor of overturning the decree and -- by extension -- declaring it illegal under Wizarding Law?” said Dumbledore.

A sea of hands rose into the air. Fudge did not raise his hand -- he’d clearly decided to withhold his vote -- but he for once remained completely silent, his entire posture shrinking visibly in his seat.

“Then we are decided,” declared Dumbledore, a pleased twinkle in his light blue eyes. “Educational Decree Number 23 is abolished. Court is adjourned.”

He lightly tapped the gavel twice on the table in front of him. Everyone started bustling around to leave the Courtroom, including Carewyn and Chester, who left together. Bill hurried to catch up with them, even as the crowd of spectators devolved around him.

He finally caught up with them as they climbed into the lift.

“Carewyn!”

Carewyn and Chester turned around. Their eyes both lit up in recognition.

“...Bill,” said Carewyn, visibly taken aback. She glanced at Chester out the side of her eye very quickly before asking, “What are you doing here?”

Bill came to stop next to them in the lift, a smile prickling at his features. “I heard the Wizengamot had summoned you, so I thought I’d pop down and watch the court proceedings...going up, I suppose?” he added lightly, “Allow me.”

He punched the button for Level Two.

“Glad I did too,” Bill continued casually as the gate-like doors closed. “That was quite a case!”

Carewyn leaned back against the side of the lift, crossing her arms.

“...Yes, it was. A foregone conclusion, some would say, given Fudge’s current level of popularity -- but the law isn’t supposed to be a popularity contest.”

“True,” said Chester. “Just because Fudge was cruel in how he targeted his political rivals doesn’t mean we have to be.”

Bill’s gaze slid over to Chester.

“...I didn’t know you were an attorney now, Chester. I haven’t seen you since...”

“...I left school -- I know,” finished Chester with a polite smile. “I’m rather new to it, actually. I only started practicing last month.”

“I was the one who suggested Chester take the case,” Carewyn added, also smiling slightly.

“I hope you were pleased with the result,” Chester shot back with a wry smile.

“It did turn out the way we hoped, anyway. Though I would’ve preferred if our roles had been switched.”

“We can’t all be on the winning side of things.”

The lift came to a stop.

“Level Two,” said the cool female voice again. “Department of Magical Law Enforcement and Auror Offices.”

The three climbed out.

“Oh, Carewyn, before I forget,” said Chester, “I left some paperwork for you in my office -- I thought it might be useful, for your next case.”

“Thank you,” said Carewyn, “I’ll go and fetch it.”

“I have to be heading out myself...could I steal a bottle of pop from your office, before I go?”

“Of course. I left the file I borrowed in my right desk drawer too.”

“Much obliged.”

The exchange was very quick and clipped, and yet there was something almost pointed in the glances they shared -- as if they were saying something else entirely that only they knew.

Carewyn headed off down the hall, presumably toward Chester’s office. Chester strolled down to the first door on the right, which led to Carewyn’s office, and opened it, glancing over his shoulder at Bill.

“Do you want to wait here until Carewyn comes back?” he asked politely. “It should only take a few minutes.”

“Yes, I would,” said Bill.

Bill followed Chester into the office, and the attorney closed the door behind both of them.

Carewyn’s office was unusual among the Ministry of Magic’s offices in how charming and remarkably pretty it was. It was very tiny, incredibly organized, and impeccably decorated, with mint-green painted walls and a charmed skylight that showed the image of the London street above them, including the passing feet of the Muggles presumably walking overhead. It also included several Muggle appliances, such as a waffle-maker and a tiny fridge -- Carewyn had said in her letters that she and her coworkers often worked late nights, so sometimes Talbott, Tonks, or Ben (who were Aurors and a Hitwizard respectively) would pop in for a before-dawn breakfast after one of their assignments.

Chester sat down in the wheeled office chair (another unique Muggle item) and rolled it over to the fridge behind the black desk. He opened it, pushing aside the items inside to reach the very back.

“Can I get you some orangeade, perhaps?” asked Chester casually. “Carewyn always keeps a bottle or two in stock.”

Bill smiled broadly. “Of course. You know it’s my favorite, Carey.”

Chester -- or rather, Carewyn, in disguise as Chester -- took out a bottle of orangeade, her face breaking into a broad smile and her dark eyes sparkling, as she opened the bottle and handed it to Bill.

“When did you figure it out?” she asked.

“Back in the courtroom,” said Bill. “You’ve never slouched like that when you were uncomfortable. You used to shrink a bit, when you were younger...but you always look away when you’re the least bit uncomfortable. You don’t keep eye contact like that. Then you started talking, and...”

Bill grinned.

“...even though it was Chester’s voice, I could still hear you in there.”

Carewyn grinned broadly. She rolled the chair around so she could fetch a can of Vimto Cola for herself. She opened it with a click and took a sip.

“It’ll only take a few minutes before I turn back into myself again,” she said. “The case went on a bit longer than I expected -- I had to cut my closing arguments short, if I didn’t want to quickly rush back to the prosecution bench and drink some ‘water.’”

“Yet you still won everyone over,” said Bill as he lowered the soda bottle from his lips. “Well, except for Fudge, but...none of us expected to win him over.”

Carewyn sighed. “True. I’m glad he had the decency to step aside at least. He clearly saw there was no point in wasting his vote -- it would only make him look worse politically, to be the only one standing up for his decree.”

“Do you reckon he’ll resign?”

“I’m positive. This trial broke him a bit, I think. It really gave him a good look at how much he’s destroyed his reputation forever.”

Carewyn took another sip. Bill considered her for a moment, his eyes lingering on Chester’s dark hair.

“I have to ask, though, Carey...why did you do it? Why didn’t you just challenge the decree yourself? Why replace Chester?”

Carewyn bit the inside of her cheek, her eyes drifting away as she placed her soda can down on her desk.

“The Prophet’ll be going on about Chester taking down the decree,” said Bill, sounding almost disappointed. “He’ll be getting praise for what you did.”

“And that’ll help him get more cases in the future,” Carewyn said simply. “I need more allies in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement -- good lawyers who won’t cow to people like Fudge. And if I was in the witness chair instead, I could appear as a neutral observer -- so when I invariably sided with the prosecution, I could bring the case for the Decree crashing down.”

“But you weren’t in the witness chair. Chester was.”

“Yes. I actually gave Chester a file that he could use in the case, while I sat back...but he refused. He said that I deserved to present my case in front of a jury, after how much work I did. So after a lot of coaxing, we decided I would present my case -- disguised as Chester.”

“So you did all this just to help Chester with his career?”

Carewyn’s eyes lingered on the bookshelf in the corner.

“Not entirely,” she admitted.

She clearly seemed to regret that her decision wasn’t solely based on that kind of selfless rationale. She rested her hands on her desk, interlacing the larger fingers belonging to Chester.

“Even if Fudge is no longer in power, the Ministry’s still packed to the gills with his supporters, as well as people who were willing to just scrape and grovel at his feet. It’s safer for me to interact with you all now, but I can’t afford to lose my stable position just yet -- the truth’s come out, but the Ministry isn’t any less treacherous. Dolores Umbridge hasn’t even lost her job here, even after everything she’s done as High Inquisitor. On the contrary...there are rumors circulating she might even return to being Senior Under-Secretary in the future.”

Bill was aghast. “What?”

Carewyn looked just as displeased. “I’m angry too...but there’s nothing I can do. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement can’t charge her with a crime even if the decree making her High Inquisitor has been declared illegal, since she was merely appointed to the position. She had no hand in creating it...at least none that I can prove in a court of law. She’s been put on temporary administrative leave...but that can be overturned by the Minister for Magic. Fudge probably won’t stick around long, and he probably wouldn’t bring Umbridge back for fear of damaging himself further...but I wouldn’t put it past his successor to quietly put Umbridge back in her old post, given her experience as a ‘loyal subordinate.’”

Carewyn could not disguise her clear disgust with the situation, even despite the coolness of her voice and expression.

“I hate that woman,” she said very lowly and coldly. “I hate her with every fiber of my being.”

Bill’s eyes narrowed as he nodded. “I know how you feel. After everything Harry’s told us about her, it’s clear she’s an absolutely horrid person.”

Carewyn looked up, her eyebrows knitting together. “Yes...how is Harry? I heard he was here at the Ministry, when...”

She trailed off, but Bill knew what she meant.

“He’s doing as well as to be expected, from what Ron’s said in his letters. Though I suspect the loss of Sirius is probably hitting him very hard.”

Carewyn bowed her head. “...Yes, of course. He...was his only family left, wasn’t he?”

Bill nodded. Carewyn closed her eyes sadly -- even if she had yet to meet Harry, it was clear she felt very deeply for him, in that moment.

Bill reached a hand out over the desk and took Carewyn’s hand (which of course at the moment was Chester’s), offering her a smile.

“He’s still got all of us, though,” he said reassuringly. “And well...I reckon the two of us know better than anyone how friends can become family.”

Carewyn’s expression softened noticeably. She gave Bill’s hand a tight squeeze.

“We do.”

Her eyes welled up with emotion despite the calm of her face.

“Bill...it’s so good to see you,” she said very quietly.

Her voice betrayed emotions that she never would’ve felt brave enough to show in school. Despite the levelness of her tone, it was so warm and soft -- full of sincere caring.

Bill’s eyes filled up with some tears as he squeezed her hand back.

And as Bill held her gaze, he noticed her eyes changing color -- lightening from a dark brown to a pretty blue.

“Guess it’s time,” he prompted her. “Do you need to change?”

“I suppose so,” Carewyn said dryly. “Chester doesn’t have hips like mine...I reckon I might tear his pants, if I don’t. Mind turning around a minute?”

“No problem.”

Bill turned in the chair so that his long legs were propped up on the arm, resting an arm on his knee so that he could then proceed to lean his chin on his hand and glance away. He heard Carewyn murmur, “Auravelum,” under her breath, presumably to obscure her desk from sight.

There was a lot of shuffling. After a couple of minutes, Carewyn murmured, “Evanesco,” and Bill looked up as the silvery blue curtain she’d conjured vanished.

And there she was -- dressed in flowing forest green robes just like the ones Chester had been wearing while disguised as her, and grinning broadly up at him through a ruby red smile.

Bill’s face broke into a larger grin, his brown eyes sparkling at the sight of his best friend. He got up, swept around the desk, and snatched her up in a huge hug.

The two of them were a funny sight -- a gangling, leather-dressed Cursebreaker with a fang earring and a ponytail hugging a tiny, lady-like witch with makeup and conservative dress robes -- but they clung to each other with an almost fierce kind of affection, laughing happily.

“I have so much to tell you,” murmured Bill. “I hardly know where to start...”

Carewyn’s lips spread into a smile even as her own eyes welled up with tears. “I don’t have as much to tell, I’m sure, but...I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too,” said Bill. “Not being able to write, or visit -- having to just stay in touch through Tonks and Jae -- ”

“ -- and for a whole year,” Carewyn agreed. “I know.”

She reached up as high as she could, even going on her tiptoes, so she could hold the back of Bill’s head. Bill held the back of her head too, squeezing her tight.

“Are you really engaged now?” asked Carewyn curiously.

Bill was a bit startled. He smiled a bit sheepishly over Carewyn’s shoulder.

“Oh, ah...yeah. You heard about that?”

“No,” said Carewyn uncomfortably. “I...sort of sensed it. In your thoughts.”

Bill pulled away to look at her better, a bit affronted. “Carey!”

Carewyn looked very apologetic as her gaze drifted down to rest on Bill’s shoulder rather than his face.

“I’m sorry! I wasn’t actively using my Legilimency, it’s just...gotten so sensitive now, in this line of work. And I suppose it was one of those things you really wanted to tell me, because I kept seeing you holding a ring, and...well, you asked me to be more open with you, about things.”

Bill’s face was flushed slightly, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling wryly.

“...So I did. Kind of took some of the wind out of my sails, though.”

Carewyn shot him a cool look through her own light blush. “I’m sure you’ll get back at me for it at some point.”

“Rest assured I will,” said Bill with a grin. “Maybe at the wedding.”

Carewyn blinked in surprise. Then her eyes widened, softening visibly.

“...Are you inviting me?”

“Of course I am!” Bill laughed. “There’s no way in Hell I’m going to let you get away with not being part of it. Actually...”

Bill’s face flushed a bit and he brought a hand up to rub his neck self-consciously.

“...I was...wondering if you’d maybe...if you wanted to...if you’d sing something, for it.”

Carewyn’s eyes widened. “Sing at your wedding?”

“Something for our first dance,” mumbled Bill, smiling shyly through his darkening flush. “Would you?”

Carewyn covered her mouth with both hands, trying to hold in her emotions.

“Of course!” she breathed, her voice oddly high in her throat. Clearly she was very touched.

She quickly grabbed both of Bill’s hands in hers, her blue eyes shining.

“Of course I’ll sing for you...both of you.”

Bill’s flushed face was as bright as a sunrise as he beamed.

“You can pick the song,” he said, his smile becoming a bit more cheeky. “Even something stupid, if you want.”

Carewyn laughed behind her hand. “No way! I am not going to sing something stupid for my best friend’s wedding!”

“Aw...but ‘Agadoo’ is a real jam, isn’t it?”

“It’s complete and utter rubbish and you know it, William Weasley.”

[corona-journal]

Notes for you, future historian, pt 2

• Respirators in critical short supply.

Yes, and why? We are a society that gets stuff manufactured elsewhere, then shipped in. Stop global trade, and we can't move (in this case) the required medical respirators around.

My wife's friend, BC, an anaesthetic doctor, was helping develop a way to get up to 4 patients on a respirator.

She also pointed out how they still needed some respirators for accident victims.....

I'm sure that there were multiple situations where a doctor had to choose between a covid patient and an accident patient, which one goes onto the respirator, which misses out.

• America has a capitalism approach to health care.

We were shocked and appalled at the Trump administration decision to seize surplus respirators and then get various hospitals to bid on getting them supplied.

Rest of the world just went with its version of health care for all. It wasn't perfect, but we didn't try to make a profit from citizens not dying.....

• Lots of service industries suffered after global travel ceased. Baggage handlers, waiters, chefs....

Also the volunteer services that check in and drive around the elderly and socially isolated.

Plus the amount of people further trapped within a abusive relationship.

All of the trickle effects that make a situation worse.

Ironically, we sent kids to either make burgers, or youths to drive the food via uber (or similar) to your home. Essential workers logic. Because a hamburger, fries and a ice cream are part of the food economy, and essential services.

• Unemployment and underemployment

So the tourist industry, and travel agents, cruise ships, airlines, and the people that made it work all lost work. There was an increase of applications to the military, fly in fly out workers had problems, coffee shops were on less than 1% sales. Why pay some one to make coffee when the income won't cover rent of the business site?

Lots of people went to fraction of a work week.

• Lots of poorly handled stand downs.

Some were handled well, other people got stood down with no pay, or had their leave soaked up by lock down.

My friends wife, KB, who worked for a local council library, went through a very improper and so poorly managed process that all staff went unionised and had a lawsuit started for redress, because the stand down was so unfair.

• Lockdown we all get creative

There were a lot of posts about family making movie night like a night out to the cinemas. Had to buy a ticket, get some popcorn or whatever. Settle and watch a movie from the family couch.

Baking banana bread, or croissants or multi tier cakes, something else that was a popular post.

Along with a overhaul of the garden, fixing all those little maintenance things that needed doing.

Ride the bike.... there was a frenzy of bike purchasing and riding when it was announced that you exercise as part of being allowed out of lockdown, and for about a week the news was showing flocks of bicycle riding and shows struggling to keep up with demand.

Instead, there was, and remains, increased load on mental health services, complaints about human rights infringement particularly mandatory mask wearing.

Lots of arse sitting and watching TV, and now observational humour about lock down weight gain.

• Working from home and schooling from home, lots of parents discover that teaching is a demanding job, and hard to do while teleconferencing. Plus their little angels can be little shits too.

There is a ghost generation seeded, that have fallen behind due lack of access to remote education. This will show up in about 10 - 15 years for a distinct minority who will barely be of more than statistical interest.

• Summary, for all the headlines of the death toll, medical people as heroes, work and school from home, the drive for a vaccine, it was handled with usual muddled efforts of everyone, and national character and political parties interests either being a big society vision or a more sectional, tribal flag waving exercise.

(Note, I worked on this entry over about 5 weeks, often leaving the draft unlooked at for 6 day stretches. It was to note my impressions and memories down, without comparing and revisiting notes. That way you can have a comparison point on notes of the day, versus a year later memories recall. Memories are malleable and elastic and blur easily. You've been advised, future historian)

27 February 2021

[paradigmsofbrittaperry]

long rambly band thing under the cut lol

okay so I cant remember how much I’ve talked about this on here, but I’ve had a lot of Not Great Experiences over the past two years when it comes to band, despite the activity being my favorite in the whole entire world. the tl;dr is that my beloved director left my school after my junior year and left me in charge as drum major, but his replacement was awful and a bunch of bullshit happened and many of my close friends stabbed me in the back and then I went on to have a pretty bad season of indoor drumline that got cut short b/c of covid. that summary glossed over A LOT and the outcome of everything was that a lot of personal progress I’d made got undone and I was left with incredible amounts of baggage and lots of trauma to work through. this past year and a half has been HARD as fuck and I’ve swung wildly between trying to ignore everything and burying myself in trying to figure out what went wrong. problem has been that its infected every part of my life; I panic when I run into anyone who hurt me and my friends during that time, the most innocuous things remind me of the worst of these years and can send me into fits of crying, I’m plagued by thoughts of inadequacy and blaming myself for everything that happened, the works. ALL OF THIS EXPLANATION TO SAY yesterday was the start of a new chapter. it was the final competition of my first season teaching cymbals. it’s been a great experience and I’ve had the best students in the world, so I was really sad to see it end. over the second half of the day, I had three separate emotional conversations with my kids that honestly have given me the inner peace that I’ve been dreaming of since this bullshit started in the winter of 2019. before their final run, I wished them luck, told them I was proud of them, and thanked them for being such great students. they thanked me in return for being a great tech. after the awards ceremony, I got to bestow each of them with third place medals and reiterated how grateful I was for our time together. one of my kids went right for my tear ducts and told me that in their five years of marching, I was the tech that had taught them the most practical cymbal skills. another who joined after the start of the season said they hadn’t been sure if they were going to stay the whole season, but now, they planned on coming back for another. they all thanked me again and told me that I’d been an amazing tech after I gave them their medals and one of them gave me mine. our final conversation took place after our final goodbye meeting, and the two kids who aren’t graduating made sure that I would be back and said they’d be sad if I wasn’t their tech next year. I start crying after they left, which left the other two to find me crying in a corner of the room and hug me so that I would start crying even harder lol. 

so the takeaway of these conversations and how they gave me peace. for the past year and a half, there’s been some part of me constantly questioning if I’m actually a good person or not; the logic being that half a dozen of my closest friends wouldn’t have turned on me for no good reason, that I had to have done something to hurt them for them to try so hard to destroy my reputation and tear me off an imagined pedestal. at the end of my junior year of high school, I was comfortably in a place where I liked myself and saw my value and hardly questioned my character. the events of the next marching season changed all of that and nothing had fixed it since. but in these conversations, these kids told me that I was good. that I had made a positive impact on their lives. that I had changed their lives to an extent, that I had broken a pattern of shitty techs for them, that despite most of MY past techs letting me down, that only made me work twice as hard to show my kids that I cared and put my all into never letting them down the way I have been. that the people who worked so hard to tear me down were wrong; I CAN do good and I DON’T deserve to be in a constant state of hating myself for things that were entirely out of my control because I proved over the course of several months that in the right circumstances, I can thrive. I can do good. the little voice in my head telling me that I’m a bad person has quieted over the past 24 hours. telling people how much they mean to you is difficult, terrifying, near impossible sometimes. but I did enough good for these kids that they all were incredibly open and honest with me about how much they appreciated me and how much they wanted to see me again and how I had made their season better. and it was overwhelming!! after a season of being told I was responsible for every bad thing followed by one where I was largely ignored and underestimated? this was so, SO healing. I was able to look kids in the eye and tell them I loved them without fear of judgement. they did the same. it’s not forgiveness or an apology from the people that hurt me, but it’s closure. I was able to move past the past and use it as motivation to do good. I hate the idea that trauma makes us grow, because I’m still mourning the me that I lost due to mine. I used to value the fact that I was so gentle and kind, but those two seasons made me shed much of that. I don’t think I’ll ever be that kind again, but a kid told me yesterday that I was the sweetest staff member they’d ever known. I almost cried on the spot, because it means I’m healing!! these kids brought my soft side out of retirement!! and I didn’t fear getting hurt again when I was being gentler!! and my attitude came entirely from treating these kids the way I wasn’t, the way I wished I had been. I finally found a shred of joy and a positive outcome from all that I was put through. and it feels so fucking good that I’m crying writing this. my bitterness has largely dissolved, because I have proof that I’ve grown past everyone and everything that hurt me. not everything will get better overnight. but I know for a fact that my past won’t continue to consume me as much as it has.

this is a rambly mess, so props to you if you made it to the end!! I just. I remembered why the fuck I love band at all and I’m grateful beyond words to have found closure and made peace with events that have chased me around for almost two years now. it’s like letting out a breath that I’ve been holding for that long with no reprieve. I miss my kids so fucking much already.