#and i got to try a caramel shortbread :)

[fingertipsmp3]

Well I survived my shift

[footballffbarbiex]

player: Virgil van Dijk words: 798 request: Virgil van Dijk - she / her - 500 - 900 - Virgil and her spending his day off in Christmas pjs while watching Christmas films and drinking hot chocolates, getting some much needed cuddles in <3

Over the years of them dating, she’s made numerous threats to get Virgil in matching Christmas PJs and each time December has rolled around, he’s lived in a soft coated fear that this is the year she’ll make him do it. Because he would because she asked. So far it hasn’t happened and he’d started to suspect it was purely to watch him keep on his toes wondering when it was going to happen and today it’s happened. 

Virgil went out to the store, armed with a list of things for the next few days that they needed, including a snack and drink list. And despite him being out of the house, she’d found herself tiptoeing to the spot where she’d hid her purchase and carefully retrieved it and found that now it was time, there was just something naughty about holding it and it even though she could let out her happiness while he wasn’t in, it took everything in her to force back her smile and pull herself together. 

She’d gone for a simple design, not wanting it to be “honey i just puked Christmas everywhere” but it certainly couldn’t be mistaken for something else. A soft background made way for cartoon gingerbread men, sprigs of holly and candy canes. Presents were dotted here and there along with Christmas puddings. There were no sleighs, no Santa hats, no trees, no reindeer, no Ho Ho Hos or Merry Christmas variations but it still said HI, I’M A CHRISTMAS PYJAMA proudly and Virgil was going to hate it. 

“They were out of those festive shortbreads you wanted,” he calls out when he returns home, a cold breeze sweeps through the foyer before he can close the door and the sound of his keys clunking in the key dish on the sideboard seems to echo throughout. “But I got everything else on the list. It’s busy though, so many people are in a hurry today. A little old lady nearly took my legs from under me on her mobility scooter, she was not messing around.”

The image of her big boyfriend getting his legs knocked from under him by an old aged pensioner made her chuckle out loud and he followed the sound of it until he found her. 

“The last few years have treated me too good. What is this, baby?” he asks in disbelief but can’t stop the laugh that sounds. He leaves the carrier bags on the side and steps towards her, drinking it all in. “You look ridiculous.” 

“Well that’s not very kind. Imagine yourself in this little get up.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Well, lucky for you, you don’t need to imagine it.” She smiles up at him and watches as his own falters. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Don’t you be like this. Go on, it’s upstairs. Slip into something a little more…comfortable, why don’t you?” She wiggles her eyebrows at him before rummaging through the bags. “Ooooh, they had the spiced cookies though.” she says happily, tearing open the packet as she walks away.

-

The laugh that had burst from her was indescribable. She’d had to clamp a hand over her mouth to try and stop herself.  

“I look Ridiculous.” He says, standing in front of the TV like a child being made to stand in front of the door for their “first day back at school” photo. 

“Your expression makes you look ridiculous.” She counters, swinging her legs over the side of the couch and leans forward to get a better look at him. “The fit looks good though.”

“Oh well then, as long as the fit looks good,” he huffs and makes his way over to the sofa, sits himself down and swipes at one of the Stroopwafels that he’d picked up earlier. With a chewy caramel centre and one half dipped in a Lotus drip and sprinkled with crushed biscuit, it was a sure fire way to get a smile on his face. Rain was starting to pelt the windows but with the candles lit, the tv casting a warm light and the fake fireplace roaring away, it felt cosy. She’s brought out the Christmas tree patterned blankets and made sure everything is set for a snuggly afternoon. 

Two movies in, Virgil had moved from his side of the sofa to laying with his head on her chest as she stroked over his face and through his hair gently. 

“Have you forgiven me yet?”“I can’t be mad when they’re this comfy.” he admits with a frown and snuggles a little bit harder, shifting his body until he’s happy again. And though she suspects he was never really annoyed in the first place, she says nothing; she allows him to keep his pride and dignity and goes along with the facade.

[wilcze-kudly]

Thank you @nova-leaf for this tag too 🥰

wow i get to talk about myself so much im nervous

•How many tumblr accounts have you had before this one?

This is gonna be my fith tumblr account lol. I lose track of them really easily because I'm a silly funky guy with so much wrong with me.

• How long have you been in fandom?

Oh like. Since I was 10? God I remember my firat forays into fandom culture on amino it was an experience good god. My first fandom was Tolkien. I've only recently gotten into the Avatar fandom though. Still not sure how that happened but I'm having fun 🥰

•Your favorite trope in fiction?

I adore found family, cause I'm basic lol. The power of friendship is also a cheesy beloved of mine.

•Your favorite random fact?

Tolkien had beef with the Beatles. Hayao Miyazaki hates the Beatles. Junji Ito loves the Beatles.

•Your favourite game or kind of game?

Skyrim is my favourite game. Open world RPGs are my escape. I love them so much I try not to play them too often or I'll never get up lol.

•A place you’d like to visit? (If carbon emissions, logistics and money weren’t in question)

Hm. This is a tough one. I like to travel and I want to go to many places. But if I had to pick one point off that list, it would pribably be mount Shasta. I'm just curious, I guess, with all the legends and disappearances and odd happenings around it. Like I just wanna see the place not even have anything supernatural happen. Just be there for a bit? Call it morbid curiosity. Also the area seems beautiful even of itself like even if the aliens don't get me i think it'd be a nice hike.

•An animal you’re irrationally afraid of?

Ants. I like most bugs. I like spiders. But ants? Ants give me straight up panic attacks? I don't know why. There's just something very terrifying aout them.

Also. Swans. But that's not an irrational fear. Geese and swans are in my opinion the true successors of dinosaurs. If you haven't been a girl scout cowering in a flimsy tent with your three other girl scout friends, in the middle of a thunderstorm, while a pair of feral swans is trying to peck their way into your tent you do not know true fear.

Their pecks hurt like a bitch too. Their beaks are serrated like a fucking saw.

•What’s your favourite season?

Autumn. In Poland we divide Autumn into two mini seasons. Golden Autumn, which is early autumn, when the freshly fallen leaves are all crispy and beautiful. And then we have Rainy Autumn, which is when it has rained and gotten much colder. I love both.

•A smell that brings you nice memories?

Tea. I started drinking tea when I was very young. My dad is an Englishman and the moment i stopped drinking breastmilk i was immediately given tea with milk.

I think I associate tea very strongly with my family and feeling loved by them. When I was younger, my parents would often wake up before me, so they would often make me tea and wake me up with it.

Making tea for someone is still a huge gesture of affection to me and there's nothing quite like the smell of a nice hot cup of tea.

(If you’re ok talking about food. If not, delete this part)

•What’s your favorite food from where you were born? And what’s your favorite food from some place else?

My favourite food from Poland, huh? I love a lot of Polish foods, but I if I had to pick something it'd probably be krówki [which translates to 'little cows']. They're fudgelike candies, similair to Scottish Tablets and White Rabbit Creamy Candy. They're delicious.

For food from a different country? @nova-leaf has put the idea of Shortbread into my head now so that's all ill be thinking about I have to see if I have the stuff to make some at home or I'll go insane.

•What’s your favorite drink (if you drink alcohol, alcoholic and non-alcoholic)?

Alcoholic: Salty Caramel flavoured Krupnik. It is very difficult to explain what a Krupnik is? Its kind of like a liqueur.

Non Alcoholic: Orange Juice. It used to be diet coke but my addiction got so bad i had to quit cold turkey lest I completely wreck my health.

•Do you give your pets random table scraps?

Not random table scraps, but if I have any extra of whatever I'm cooking, and if they can eat it, I'll sometimes give them some as a snack or as an incentive while training them.

Thanks for the tag honey!

Tagging: @linnorabeifong @thatoneguy56fanfic @novaae @thenamescaba

[avid-adoxography]

I've decided to take my comment on this prompt and turn it into a separate thing because I got self conscious I'd rather have my headcanons as standalone posts, so I can immediately find them without having to dig in an ocean of reblogs uwu

And with all of this said, here's

My F/Os and how they like their coffee ☕

Macchia: If he’s “chilling” at home, it’s moka time, as per the purest Italian tradition. Dark roast type, specifically 85% Arabica blend and 15% Robusta, but a 100% Arabica will do too. If he’s on the go, then he usually allows himself a macchiato instead (me? basing head-canons on puns?? I don’t know what y'all’re talking about hdjdnk). However, when he seriously needs caffeine, usually when working on some big project, then he goes for a Dead eye (regular coffee with three shots of espresso).

Sturm: Back when he was still alive (and with a functional mouth) he used to be a Ness (instant coffee) kinda guy. It’s cheap, quick and basically always available no matter the circumstances. Heavily laced with sugar ofc. On special occasions however, or when visiting relatives or friends, it was customary to enjoy a Cafea Turceasca (Turkish coffee) together and try to read the future in the particulate bitters on the bottom of the cup for a laugh.

Lord Kardok: Drambuie coffee topped with whipped cream. With lots of Walkers shortbread. In alternative, especially during winter times, an Egg coffee (Robusta coffee, sugar, condensed milk and egg yolk) will do. A centaur warlord needs to meet his calories intake ya know uwu

HoKi: For the meme, I’d say he likes his coffee just how he likes his soul: dark and bitter. In truth, while not much of a habitual coffee drinker, he’s a Cortado (espresso shot served with an equal amount of steamed milk) enthusiast because 1. A lich needs his calcium and 2. The milk to coffee ratio helps keeping his acidic stomach at bay (yes I did diagnose him with GERD, whatcha gonna do about it? >:3c)

Greg: He’s a Starbucks enjoyer (derogatory), not because the coffee is actually good, but simply because they fill it with all kinds of sweet stuff. He always goes for a Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha. Size Venti. With honey. Yeah… If for whatever reason he has to go to a regular bar, then he’ll go for a Mocaccino or a Café miel (coffee drink consisting of steamed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and honey).

Oliver: Another Starbucks enjoyer. Salted Caramel Cream Cold Brew, size Grande, blended, 4 sugar free vanilla syrup pumps and salted brown butter topping. Except in summer, when he switches to the Shakerato (iced coffee drink made with one shot of espresso and ice cubes, shaken together creating a froth).

Attila: Cappuccino and Flat latte lover on main! Always accompanied with a home made croissant or muffin. Or two. Non negotiable.

[void019]

It's midnight who wants a list of object show characters and my girl scout HCs for them!!

Also using the color text tool because it's fun and hopefully be easier to navigate

Leafy:

-theyre in girl scouts, same troop with TD and flower

-fav cookie is caramel delites

-she also rlly liked thanks-a-lots, but unfortunately those were discontinued, and she was rlly dissapointed. But thanks to them, she now knows how to say thank you in multiple languages!! (For those who don't know: thanks-a-lots were shortbread cookies, and each one would say thank you in a different language)

-knows the promise and law. Has it completely memorized. Dedicated girl scout! Knows a lot of different camp songs, definitely would randomly sing it and try to get other girl scouts to sing with her. She would try to memorize and lead the "repeat after me" songs. Would get upset or annoyed if someone doesn't participate in the camp songs.

Teardrop:

-theyre in girl scouts, same troop with leafy and flower

-fav cookie is lemonades

-she didn't really try as hard, but she knows the promise and law she had a pretty good memory. She would do the hand motions (some songs have hand motions) instead of singing along if she can. (Awh that's actually pretty wholesome to imagine)

(A little more on TD and Leafy here)

Flower:

-in girl scouts, in TD's and Leafy's troop

-Leafy is the one who convinced her to join

-fav cookie was the raspberry rallies she was absolutely DEVASTATED when they got discontinued (same... they were so good...)

-knows the promise(kinda, might mess up sometimes) but not the law. Doesn't memorize any camp songs, but gets really excited when they sing repeat after me songs and sings along. She also dances sometimes and gets really dramatic with the hand motions.

Lollipop:

-used to be in girl scouts for abt a year or two. She wasnt in a troop, she was what's called a Juliette (had to Google that to double check my memory lol) where's she's just registered as a singular girl scout.

-fav cookie was smores, she got upset when they were discontinued and absolutely refused to buy for a while until she found out that the other bakers still sell them(there are two different baker companies (that i know of) that bake cookies and they each have different kinds. Ex: one baker sells lemonades, another sells lemon-ups.)

-still sorta remembers the promise.. the campfire songs annoy her though.

Firey:

-liked rah-rah raisins. (GODDDD THOSE WERE ONLY OUT FOR ONE YEAR BACK WHEN I FIRST JOINED GIRL SCOUTS THEY WERE SO FUCKING GOOD I MISS THEMMMMM) He was pretty dissapointed when they got discontinued, and still remembers them now(sorta).

Blocky:

-he likes the adventurfuls (I don't think I spelled that right srry) and the toasty-yays.

-he'd probably has volunteered at a girl scout event or camp before just to prank everyone then never volunteer again because he hated being in "the wilderness".

-would mess up campfire songs on purpose

Woody:

-after getting over his fears more, he would probably join girl scouts. But like lollipop, he would be a Juliette (girl scout without a troop)

-fav cookie would be shortbread or peanut butter sandwiches

-he would definitely try to memorize both the promise AND law, but might mess up sometimes. Same with campfire songs, but I'd imagine there'd be one or two songs he could sing from memory.

Black hole:

-I can definitely see him volunteering somewhere. And he'd be a rlly nice volunteer too and worry about safety a lot

-idk if he can eat but if he could he'd be a peanut butter sandwich kinda guy fr

-he made sure to memorize the promise and law so he can help little kids who forget easily. He also knows some old camp songs and likes to lead the repeat after me songs.

Tree:

-doesnt know a lot about girl scouts but if someone came knocking on his door selling cookies he'd buy a box or two

-hed spring for the peanut butter patties or thin mints, or just ask the girl scout what'd they'd recommend/what they're favorite cookie was. He would also probably donate a few extra dollars.

Pillow:

-i can't see her in girl scouts but I can certainly see her in girl scout camp.

-shed keep everyone awake with scary stories and would have no remorse for the younger kids. She would probably get kicked out too, and/or get a stern talking from black hole if he happens to volunteer at the same camp

-anyways her fav girl scout cookie is thin mints.

Fanny:

-SHE HATES GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!!

-jk. She would like the thin mints probs

Book:

-shed be fascinated by the idea of girl scouts but would probably not join

-Carmel delites kind of gal

-might learn a couple repeat after me songs and try to sing them with ice cube

Bubble:

-would try to join, but decided not to last minute

-fav cookie used to be thanks-a-lots and she was sad when they were discontinued. She also likes lemonades

Ok that's it for now I'll probably make a part two another time. Tell me what you think??

[sfarticles]

I scream, you scream …

July is National Ice Cream Month, so why not try making some of the frozen treat at home.

This is the time of year that I feel like a kid in an ice cream shop wanting to try all the innovative, newfangled flavors: French toast bacon, lavender coconut with black sesame seeds, Earl Grey tea with shortbread cookies, Black Forest licorice, everything but the kitchen sink and even movie time — popcorn-flavored ice cream with sea salt caramel swirls and caramel truffles.

Some don’t stray from the basic flavors like vanilla, the most popular flavor, or chocolate, and strawberry.

At every age, ice cream is a treat, especially on a hot, summer day. July is National Ice Cream Month, and this year National Ice Cream Day is July 21 (it’s always the third Sunday in July, wonder why “Sundae?”) So, let’s get out and celebrate enjoying this cool, sweet treat.

We have Sen. Walter Dee Huddleston of Kentucky to thank. In 1984, he sponsored a bill stating July as the month to celebrate this beloved treat. Following the proclamation, former President Ronald Regan signed the bill into law.

Did you know?

• In Thailand, people enjoy ice cream on a hot dog bun.

• Waffle cones are the most popular way to serve ice cream.

• It was in 1904 that ice cream cones were invented at the World’s Fair in St. Louis, so that people could more easily enjoy it as they strolled around the fair.

• New Zealand is the highest ice cream consuming country in the world, followed by the United States, Australia, Finland and Sweden, according to frozendessertsupplies.com.

• 87% of U.S. households have ice cream in the freezer, according to icecream.com.

• Nearly 10% of the milk produced by U.S. dairy farmers is used to produce ice cream.

I have several ice cream cookbooks in my ever-growing collection. The one I chose for inspiration is an older title, “Scoop Adventures: The Best Ice Cream of the 50 States,” by Lindsay Clendaniel (2014, Page Street Publishing, $19.99).

Because I travel a quite a bit, the book’s concept was intriguing, as I enjoy checking out local ice cream shops, sampling their unique and sometimes quirky flavors and then savoring every lick of the flavors I chose.

The author writes: “As I kept churning scoops and writing blog posts, word got out about my blog and obsession with ice cream. I was approached with a book deal. Not only do I get to share some of my own favorite recipes with you, but I also get to share some of the best ice cream recipes the country has to offer. I have worked with ice cream shop owners from every region to bring you their most creative and innovative flavors. This cookbook features a collection of recipes from shop owners who are passionate about their homemade product.”

With this book, you’ll be able to prepare innovative ice cream flavors from scoop shops in all 50 states. You’ll find unique flavors such as Honey Sunflower Seed, Blueberry Kale, Lemon Ricotta Cardamom Gelato, Orange Chocolate Decadence (one of my favorite flavor combinations), Balsamic Fig and Peach Honey Habanero.

The headnotes share the stories behind these flavors, and the vivid photos of the ice cream will tantalize your taste buds. Now, let’s get churning with these recipes from the book.

For the recipe for Mayan Chocolate Ice Cream (Full Tilt Ice Cream, Washington State), visit https://bit.ly/4biErm2.

Mayan Chocolate Ice Cream. “The creamy combination of coconut milk and spices in this chocolate vegan ice cream is a spicy and refreshing scoop for all to enjoy. (Photo by Lindsay Clendaniel)

Pennsylvania Dutch Chocolate-Covered Pretzel Ice Cream

Inspired by Gerenser’s Exotic Ice Cream, New Hope, Bucks County

Pennsylvania Dutch Chocolate-Covered Pretzel Ice Cream was Inspired by Gerenser’s Exotic Ice Cream, New Hope, Bucks County. (Photo by Lindsay Clendaniel)

The headnote says: “In addition to its cheesesteak, Philadelphia is a city famous for its soft pretzels. Philadelphians are rumored to consume twelve times as many pretzels as the average U.S. citizen, and the city boasts a pretzel museum. Given that cheesesteak ice cream would taste pretty bad, chocolate pretzel ice cream was the go-to flavor for Bob Gerenser to best represent the City of Brotherly Love. Situated in a small town outside of Philly, Gerenser’s has been serving classic and exotic ice cream flavors for 55 years. He knows how to make a winning dessert.” (Sadly, my research shows that this business has closed).

Makes 1 quart

Ingredients:

CHOCOLATE LIQUOR

1⁄3 cup cocoa powder

1⁄3 cup water

1⁄3 cup sugar

2 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped

ICE CREAM BASE

1 ¾ cups whole milk, divided

1 tablespoon cornstarch

1 ½ cups heavy cream, divided

1⁄3 cup sugar

½ teaspoon sea salt

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup chopped chocolate-covered pretzels

Directions:

To make the chocolate liquor, combine the cocoa powder, water and sugar in a small saucepan over medium heat and bring to a low boil, whisking constantly. As soon as you see bubbles, remove from the heat and add the chopped chocolate. Let sit for 2 minutes, and then stir the chocolate liquor until smooth. Pour into a medium bowl and set aside.

To make the ice cream base, fill a large bowl with ice water and set aside. In a small bowl, combine 2 tablespoons of the milk with the cornstarch, whisk and set aside. Combine the remaining milk, ½ cup of the cream, sugar and salt in a medium saucepan and place over medium heat. Bring the milk mixture to a low boil. Cook until the sugar dissolves, 3 minutes.

Remove the milk mixture from the heat and gradually whisk in the cornstarch mixture. Return to a boil and cook over moderately high heat until the mixture is slightly thickened, about 1 minute. Pour the base into the chocolate liquor and whisk to combine. Stir in the remaining 1 cup cream. Set the bowl in the ice water bath to cool, 20 minutes, whisking occasionally. Once cool, add the vanilla. Refrigerate the ice cream base until chilled, at least 4 hours or overnight.

Pour the base into an ice cream machine and churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions. When churning is complete, gently fold in the chocolate-covered pretzel pieces. Transfer to a freezer-safe container and freeze until firm, at least 4 hours.

Banana Pudding Ice Cream. “Banana gives ice cream a gloriously creamy texture while imparting sweetness. Add a pinch of nutmeg, a touch of lemon and a generous amount of vanilla wafers and you are left with a frozen version of the South’s favorite dessert.” (Photo by Lindsay Clendaniel)

Banana Pudding Ice Cream

Inspired by Sam & Greg’s, Huntsville, Ala.

The headnote says: “There are plenty of banana-based desserts, but none are as dear to the hearts of Southerners as banana pudding. To this day, some Southern men claim to marry wives based on their ability to make banana pudding! The best banana puddings are made with real bananas, and the same is true for ice creams. Banana gives ice cream a gloriously creamy texture while imparting sweetness. Add a pinch of nutmeg, a touch of lemon and a generous amount of vanilla wafers and you are left with a frozen version of the South’s favorite dessert.”

Makes 1 ½ quarts

Ingredients:

2 egg yolks

1 ¾ cups heavy cream

1 ¾ cups whole milk

2⁄3 cup sugar

1⁄8 tsp salt

2 ripe bananas

Pinch of nutmeg

1 teaspoon lemon juice

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1 ½ cups chopped vanilla wafers

Directions:

Fill a large bowl with ice water. Whisk the egg yolks in a small bowl and set aside. Combine the cream, milk, sugar and salt in a medium saucepan and warm over medium heat until the mixture is hot and the sugar dissolves, 4 minutes. Temper the eggs by slowly pouring ½ cup of the warmed cream mixture into the yolks, whisking constantly until combined. Return the warmed yolks to the pan with the remaining cream mixture. Heat the custard over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, until the custard thickens and coats the back of a spoon. Remove from the heat and pour through a fine-mesh sieve into a medium bowl.

Cut the bananas into chunks and pur��e in a blender with the nutmeg and lemon juice until smooth. Add the hot milk mixture and blend to combine. Pour the custard into a medium bowl. Place the bowl in the ice water bath and cool, about 20 minutes, whisking occasionally. Add the vanilla and stir to combine. Cover and refrigerate until well chilled, at least 4 hours or overnight. Freeze the vanilla wafers overnight.

Once chilled, pour the ice cream base into an ice cream maker and churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions. When churning is complete, gently fold in the vanilla wafers. Transfer to a freezer-safe container and freeze until firm, at least 4 hours.

Seaport Salty Swirl Ice Cream. “Made in a town steeped in maritime and ice cream history, this ice cream has so many sweet and salty layers it could be considered a meal! Ice cream production began in this small shop by the town drawbridge in the 1800s.” (Photo by Lindsay Clendaniel)

Seaport Salty Swirl Ice Cream

Mystic Drawbridge Ice Cream, Mystic, CT

The headnote says: “Sea shanties, Mystic Seaport, and local pub fare were the inspiration for this sweet and salty creation. Made in a town steeped in maritime and ice cream history, this ice cream has so many sweet and salty layers it could be considered a meal! Ice cream production began in this small shop by the town drawbridge in the 1800s and changed hands several times over the next two hundred years. The current owners are the fourth shop owners at this landmark location, and they continue to make delicious and creative flavors like the owners before them.”

Makes 1 generous quart

Ingredients:

ICE CREAM BASE

2 cups heavy cream

¾ cup milk

¾ cup sugar

1⁄8 tsp salt

¼ cup chopped salted peanuts

½ cup roughly chopped chocolate-covered pretzels

CARAMEL SAUCE

1 cup sugar

¾ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

½ cup heavy cream

1 ½ teaspoons sea salt

PEANUT BUTTER SAUCE

1 cup creamy peanut butter

2 tablespoons whole milk

2 tablespoons heavy cream

4 tablespoons honey

Directions:

To make the ice cream base, fill a large bowl with ice water. In a medium saucepan, combine the cream, milk, sugar and salt. Heat the milk mixture over medium heat, bringing to a temperature of 170 degrees on an instant-read thermometer (do not boil). Remove from the heat and pour into a medium bowl. Set the bowl in the ice water bath to cool, 20 minutes, whisking occasionally. Cover and chill overnight.

To make the caramel sauce, cook the sugar in a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Do not touch the sugar until all edges begin to melt. Cook until the sugar begins to brown, stirring frequently, allowing it to reach a deep amber color. Remove from the heat and add the butter, stirring until dissolved (the mixture will bubble). Add the heavy cream and sea salt. Return to low heat and stir until the ingredients are combined, 1 minute. Cool to room temperature before adding to the ice cream. Use leftovers in various desserts or eat with a spoon.

To make the peanut butter sauce, place all the ingredients in a saucepan and warm over medium heat. Stir occasionally until the ingredients are combined and smooth, 2 to 3 minutes. Cool to room temperature before adding to the ice cream.

Once the base is chilled, pour it into an ice cream maker and churn according to the manufacturer’s instructions. When the ice cream is nearing the end of churning, add the peanuts and chocolate-covered pretzels and complete churning. Spoon a small layer of caramel and peanut butter sauces into a freezer-safe container and lightly spoon a layer of ice cream on top. Continue to alternate layers of sauces and ice cream until the container is full, gently swirling with a spoon (careful not to muddy the ice cream). Freeze until firm, at least 4 hours.

Recipes and images reprinted with permission from “Scoop Adventures: The Best Ice Cream of the 50 States” by Lindsay Clendaniel. Page Street Publishing Co. 2014.

Stephen Fries is professor emeritus and former coordinator of the Hospitality Management Programs at Gateway Community College in New Haven, Conn. He has been a food and culinary travel columnist for the past 16 years and is co-founder of and host of “Worth Tasting,” a culinary walking tour of downtown New Haven. He is a board member of the International Association of Culinary Professionals. Email him at Stephen@stephenfries.com. For more, go to stephenfries.com.

[bluepoodle7]

#Aldi #BentonsCaramelAppleCremesFilledCookies #CaramelApple CremesFlavoredFilledCookiesReview

I tried the Aldi Benton's Caramel Apple Cremes Filled Cookies and these were expired.

These smelled and tasted expired but I did try them.

What I tasted in these cookies had a light cinnamon apple taste to it with the cookies being a vanilla cookies or just shortbread ones.

I wanted to know if these were still good but I sat on these for too long but if I see these again I want to re review them when fresh.

The creme had a filmy texture to them like playdoh in texture.

Got at Aldi.

[just-for-jazz]

An Unexpected Holiday

July 9th, 2023, 10:13 PM

Awoke to the normal muggy, hot July Sunday today. After church, went to my uncle's to eat Shepherd's Pie when a storm rolled in. I watched the horrific rain and wind while I had a Caramel Espresso that I will probably regret having so late in the afternoon when I try to sleep tonight.

It's going to be humid tomorrow, but it felt so cool and misty today that it really doesn't matter. Went back to my house to take a cold shower and wash my hair for the first time all week. When I got out it was still foggy so I lit some candles and started making honey rosemary shortbread cookies from a recipe I had never tried before. The entire house started to smell like Christmas. They tasted like Christmas, too. In a nostalgic mood, I set out to finish re-reading The Great Gatsby for the umpteenth time. I wasn't expecting to celebrate Christmas in July today, but joy has its way of sneaking up on the unexpecting.

[ledenews]

Crumbl Cookies Coming to The Highlands

There are two types of customers who enter a Crumbl Cookies. The first is the newbie who, rightfully so, may become hesitant because of sticker shock. Why? Well, consider one gourmet cookie in a box is $4.78 plus tax and a half-dozen box will run nearly $24. Eyes wide yet? How about that wallet? THEN, there’s the other type of Crumbl Cookies customer; the one who’s already tasted a Crumbl cookie. Their response? Two words: More. Please. Owners Mary and Mark Ornowski pose inside their Highlands' Crumbl Cookies location. The best part is soon, Ohio Valley Crumbl Cookies' customers of both varieties won’t have to trek into Pennsylvania to partake in the delectable deliciousness that is a Crumbl cookie. A location will soon be opening at The Highlands in Triadelphia, housed in the original site of El Paso, right next to Game Stop and in the same plaza as Fusion Japanese Steakhouse. The cost of Crumbl Cookies is not lost on owner Tammy Ornowski, who opened the first Pittsburgh-area Crumbl a little more than a year ago in North Huntingdon. That’s why she ensures her customers receive the proper experience, not just cookie quality. “It’s definitely a gourmet cookie, so we do get (initial) questions about the price a lot,” Ornowski admitted. “We encourage people to taste it and hopefully they enjoy it enough to justify the cost of the cookie. “That’s also why when you walk into our location, you’ll receive the white-glove treatment. We provide that to all of our customers. In these times, money is tight and we know this is a lot of money for a cookie. The experience has to match the taste.” And it does. This writer can personally attest to spending more than $24 on a box of six cookies for my daughter, my girlfriend, and myself—two apiece. I too had the initial sticker shock, but given the drive to Robinson, decided to take the plunge. I eagerly await the opening of Ornowski’s Highlands location, which barring any shipping delays or construction issues, she believes will come in late June. “I don’t foresee any issues, but we’re looking at the end of June,” Ornowski said. Crumbl's menu of six cookie offerings changes on a weekly basis This writer's box of six (well, someone got hungry) cookies shows that week's variety. The Crumbl Experience There are many aspects of Crumbl that set it apart from other stores. One of its most famous is the weekly rotating menu. When you enter a Crumbl there are six cookie options to choose from. Those options change weekly, with the official Crumbl Facebook page displaying a video announcement as to what the coming week’s lineup will be. The chocolate chip cookie is a rotation staple. The equally beloved pink sugar cookie is almost always included as well. This week’s options also include: the Cotton Candy cookie, Peanut Butter Munch, Caramel Shortbread, and Oreo Birthday Cake. If you try and like a cookie, best get your fill as while popular cookies find their way back into the rotation, it may be a while before it returns. No matter the flavor, people love their Crumbl Cookies. Need another example? Ornowski opened her North Huntingdon location back in March of 2022. It was the greater Pittsburgh area’s first Crumbl. So how was opening day? “It was crazy,” Ornowski said. “We broke records. It was the first Pittsburgh location and at our grand opening, we sold 9,400 cookies on that Friday. “The line wrapped around the building. People were parking and walking down the hill from Walmart. It was crazy.” Ornowski and her husband do not own the Robinson nor the Washington locations. They were on the hunt for a second spot when they made at a stop at The Highlands and noticed the storefront opening in the plaza. “We were driving around, considering different locations and my brother and sister-in-law live in St. Clairsville and we just love the area,” Ornowski said. “We took a trip to the Highlands and fell in love with the plaza. It’s one of the nicest areas and shopping plazas around.” It doesn’t hurt, either, that this will be the closest Crumble Cookie to the majority of Upper Ohio Valley shoppers. Aside from the Pittsburgh-area stops, the closest Crumble in the Buckeye State can be found in Canton, making the Highlands location the Ohio Valley’s Crumbl hub. Crumbl Cookies will be available for carryout or curbside pickup, along with delivery. Customers can order through the Crumbl website, or app, directly, or through Door Dash. Read the full article

[fluxofthemouth]

Caught up with his own problems as he's been, Piter half expected Thursday to complain about getting the wrong color unicorn for her birthday, or something like that. Her guarded yet mournful account of leaving a society she could no longer endure feels very real and grounded to him, forced cheerfulness and all. He chides himself for the lapse in logic. His struggle may be rare, but that doesn't mean that others do not struggle! Obviously!

Ever since he left the strict expectations of his 'computer' role, he's been losing his edge, he's observed. It's a conflicting thought. His precision (his usefulness) has always been his lever for earning power and influence, any scrap of it he ever got. And yet the training (the abuse) that molded him into that useful tool was the most cruel and dehumanizing thing that has ever happened to him or ever will. Is it a threat to his effectiveness and his safety, to throw himself a pity party and momentarily crawl into an illogical world where everybody has it better than him? Is it a threat to his humanity, to not try it out at least once?

"I grew up in a very isolated community, and it was all that I knew until quite recently," he says carefully. He wants to match honesty with honesty, though he certainly won't tell it all. "It was... something like a cult, I suppose. My life there wasn't very happy or free."

His planet's misfortune and resettlement project was all over the news at some point, portrayed by many sources as a garish curiosity. He isn't quite ready to identify himself as being from there. The news stories liked to represent a world with feudal societies and a comparatively low technology level as being "stuck in the middle ages." That never sets him up for success. People have asked him if he rode horses to travel (he left behind a very nice car, actually). People ask him about knights and sword fights (they only had sword fights to adapt to shielding technologies made possible by the discovery of a true Theory of Everything in Physics.... but sure). One person even asked him if he'd ever seen a dragon. He'd die a little inside if he had to spend an entire maintenance shift with someone who didn't expect him to understand science or technology. He has an advanced degree in Chemistry!

"I joined the voyage because I already have to start over," he continues, thoughtfully. "Joining a project where everybody is starting over is a rare opportunity for a level playing field. I won't have to always be a little bit behind."

He laughs. When he takes the opportunity to laugh at the misfortune of others, he has it in him to sound quite harsh and inelegant, like a braying donkey. He hasn't chosen to show that side to Thursday, and perhaps he never will. This laugh is light, pretty, and almost musical.

"That, and there are a couple of people I wouldn't mind leaving a few light years behind."

He sees Thursday start working on the coffee, and now he wants to be working too. Can't leave it all to her. He values hard work. If she works noticeably more than he does, that will give her the power to hold something over his head that can wound him.

He finds plates to set out. A few packages of cookies to open.

"Looks like we have... caramel and cinnamon... and shortbread," he reads from the packs.

"Any plans for your looming new life? If you want to answer, of course. I wish I had more of one, myself, but I expect I'll be able to find work until I do."

Thursday is perfectly content to follow Piter to the cafeteria. She's always been more of a follower than a leader, except for when there is a need for someone to step up. She'd rather go with the flow and save her energy, pick her battles, until it's necessary for her to step up or stand out. Years of working in customer service will teach that to a person.

She's not that important, besides. At least, she doesn't deem herself to be. There has been plenty of pain and heartbreak in her life - some dealt to her, some she's dealt to others. It's not something she particularly wants to talk about, but she also will talk about it... from a distance. The truth is while she deeply and truly cares about people, she's also deeply and truly terrified of them. People are unpredictable. Difficult to figure out. Often times cruel and self-centered and selfish and unreliable. But she just can't seem extinguish that hope, that little flame that tells her maybe the next person won't be, and even if they are, she should still try her best and give them the benefit of the doubt.

Pulling the blanket tighter around herself she smiles and says, "Well, you know, my home world kinda sucks. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of nice things about it, but it's just disappointing most of the time to me and I really wanted to get away from all that and see what else there is to see." She lets out a small laugh, as if this is a lighthearted subject, but the truth is much darker. Her home is overrun by corporations who own just about everything and want to exert even more hold over their assets by implanting "life-extending" chips in their brains. Thursday wants nothing to do with that. She's had her taste of experimental mind-altering technology. Lost friends to it too.

There's also the fact that everyone in her family is dead and her friends have all parted ways with her for one reason or another, so for her it's also- "Broadened horizons, I guess you could say, is my reason," she says, and shrugs. "What are you doing all this for? I mean- you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, of course. It doesn't matter, really. We're here, aren't we? But, yeah, up to you if you want to talk about it."

When they get to the cafeteria, whether or not Piter is talking to her, Thursday will go straight over to where the refreshments are and get that started for them. She admits that while these machines are more advanced and produce instant refreshments, there is something to be missed about brewing the coffee yourself. The scent reminds her of her grandmother, and you just don't get that with instant coffee.

[agent-cupcake]

just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses. 

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader. 

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

[silverlightqueen]

Blood Lust

silverlightqueen’s SKZ Scarefest

vampire!hyunjin x human!reader - smutty smut smut lmao, fluff, a little bit of angst ig, fwb type vibe except the benefits include Hyunjin feeding on y/n lol

Word Count: 10.4k+ (I got carried away, I’m sorry lmao)

Summary - Having a part time job whilst at university is standard, right? Babysitting, bartending, retail, hospitality? Well, y/n’s job is a little… different. Or maybe a lot different. Depends on whether you find being a hot vampire’s personal blood bag weird or not.

Warnings: biting, blood, blood consumption, unrequited love, possessiveness, toxicity in a not-relationship, unprotected sex, intercourse, rough sex and softish sex, softdom!hyunjin x sub!reader, very brief sub!hyunjin, very explicit dirty talk, asphyxiation, slight body worship, fingering, oral sex (m and f receiving), hair pulling, teasing, mouth fucking, begging, praise, hickeys, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie, lots of soft aftercare, sexual and non-sexual nudity, I think that’s it but please let me know if you notice that I missed something!

a/n: and here is the fourth (and my favourite) instalment of my SKZ Scarefest! I had so much fun writing this absolute filth and I hope you guys enjoy reading it! thank you @silverlightprincess​ for proofreading, I love you! please be sure to check out the previous parts and keep an eye out for the next parts x

taglist: @kodzu-ken​ @cloudsgathering​ @silverlightprincess

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‘Took you long enough,’ Hyunjin says when I answer the door, and I give him an apologetic smile, making my eyes wide the way he can never resist, and I can see him fighting to keep the smile off his face. ‘Sorry. I was just… doing something,’ I say as I move aside to let him in, and he raises an eyebrow, slipping off his shoes. ‘Doing what?’ he asks, suspicious, and I avoid his gaze, locking the door after him. ‘I… um-’ ‘Let me guess. You forgot to have your iron supplements and remembered when I knocked on the door?’ he asks dryly, and I give him a weak smile, making him let out an annoyed huff.

‘y/n, I’m hungry. It’s been over a week,’ he complains, and I roll my eyes, trying to hide how endeared I always get at his complaining – he might be a big bad vampire to his clan, but he’s just a whiny little baby when he’s with me. ‘I’m sorry, Jinnie. It’s hard to remember, because I never used to take them,’ I say in my softest voice, knowing he won’t stay annoyed at me, and he just sighs, heading into the living room of my apartment. ‘And you used to wonder why you fainted all the time,’ he says exasperatedly, throwing himself down on my sofa.

When I first started at university, I was – to put it simply – broke as hell. My student loan funded my school supplies and my travel costs, and the money I earned working at my uncle’s restaurant paid for my driving lessons. I had no spare income to spend on anything else – I was still living with my parents, so I wasn’t homeless or hungry or anything. But I had no money for clothes, or nights out, or… anything other than the basic necessities.

When it got to the start of second year, and my uncle had to close his restaurant because he was getting a few customers a night if he was lucky (at every family gathering, he gets drunk and rambles about how Uber Eats murdered his business), I was desperate; I couldn’t pay for my driving lessons anymore, and I was having to buy a lot more supplies for school. One of my friends, Yeji, knew that I was struggling with money, and decided to confide in me about an arrangement she had with a friend of hers.

Her friend, Chan, was the leader of a vampire clan, she’d told me, and she was his blood donor. They’d meet a couple times a week, and he’d feed on her and pay her for it. I was fascinated – I knew vampires existed, but I never knew one personally, or knew anyone that knew one either, so to hear about Yeji’s arrangement astounded me. According to Yeji, vampires tend to drink from blood bags rather than from humans these days, but they still prefer blood from the source. So when Chan had offhandedly mentioned to Yeji that he was looking for a blood donor, she asked how much he was willing to pay. When she heard, she instantly offered to be his donor, knowing that that much money per feed would fund the rest of her university life after just a couple weeks.

I’d had so many questions for her. When I asked if it hurt, she told me the initial puncture felt a little like an injection, and then after that, she wouldn’t really feel anything other than it being a little uncomfortable to hold her neck at such an awkward angle. It would leave her feeling drowsy and weak, but Chan would feed her a little of his blood, just to strengthen her, and she would feel back to herself within no time. The two little scars on her neck would take a while to fade, but she said they were easy enough to cover up with makeup. I’d heard that being fed on was pleasurable, and almost sexual, but when I mentioned that to Yeji, she grimaced and said that it wasn’t at all like that. For her and Chan, it was a business transaction between good friends, and nothing more.

I was intrigued, to say the least, and I’d gone home that night thinking about the possibility of becoming a blood donor to a vampire. The next day, Yeji had run up to me excitedly, to tell me that one of Chan’s clan members was looking for a donor. Only a week later, I was waiting to meet him at a coffee shop, as though it was a blind date. I felt so nervous, worried that he’d take one look at me and walk straight back out. But the second he walked in and his eyes met mine, my heart stopped.

He was adorable, painfully so – with his soft brown hair falling over his cute glasses, and his light academia boyfriend aesthetic. He looked around my own age, but Yeji had told me that he was, in fact, 318 years old at the time (we celebrated his 320th birthday just a few months ago). He sat down with a shy smile, and I was lost for words. He had none of the pale skin or brooding moody looks or all black outfits – he was quite tanned with a friendly face and dressed in soft neutrals. I couldn’t believe that this harmless looking soft boy was a blood-sucking vampire. There was no way.

He bought us a coffee each, and bought me a caramel shortbread because, he told me shyly, it looked as sweet as me. We spoke for hours, our conversation quickly changing from generic and awkward, to comfortable and deep. I explained how difficult it was to fund life at university without putting pressure on my low-income parents to support me, and he explained his life as a vampire. We left the coffee shop at closing time, Hyunjin insisting on walking me home, and we parted with the decision that I would become his blood donor.

We met again, only a week later, with the same shy smiles and slightly awkward conversation. This time, I’d gone to the house that he shared with some of the clan members, but nobody else was at home. It was just us. We’d slowly worked up to it, and when Hyunjin was stood before me, neck bent so that his mouth brushed against the skin of my throat, I felt relaxed and prepared due to his gentle comforting and support. I tried my hardest not to tense when I felt his fangs puncture my skin, wincing a little at the sharp pain, but before I had time to get used to the feeling of someone drinking my blood, Hyunjin had pulled away, coughing up all my blood over his hoodie.

‘What’s the matter? Are you okay?’ I’d asked, and Hyunjin had wiped at his mouth, face twisted in disgust. ‘y/n, I’m really sorry, but your blood is… gross,’ he’d said bluntly, still coughing between each word. This had hurt more than you’d expect – somehow, it’s not a nice feeling to hear that a vampire finds your blood disgusting enough to cough it all back up. ‘Oh. I’m really sorry,’ I’d said, feeling humiliated, and Hyunjin had waved his hand in the air, swigging down some water. ‘No, don’t apologise. I just… I was just surprised. Do you not know you’re anaemic?’ he’d asked, and I’d blinked at him in surprise. ‘Anaemic?’ I’d echoed, and he’d nodded, an amused smile playing at his lips. ‘Your blood has, like, no iron in it. Drinking your blood was like… drinking bitter coffee. Just how you’d add milk and sugar to coffee, your blood needs iron.’

He’d left me in his room whilst he went to get me some iron supplements, and I’d eaten two of the gummy vitamins when he’d handed them to me. We’d waited for half an hour, and then we’d tried it again, sat on his bed this time. His fangs slid into the two little holes they’d made earlier, not as painful this time around, and he didn’t pull away this time either, instead pulling me closer with his strong arms. It was a weird sensation, not a… nasty one, but just weird. With each hungry gulp he took, I’d felt myself getting drowsier and drowsier, head becoming light, and my eyes slid shut after around thirty seconds.

I’d felt Hyunjin pull away only a few moments after that, and he’d shook me lightly, just to keep me awake. ‘Let me feed you some of my blood,’ he’d murmured gently, lifting his wrist to his mouth and piercing the skin. He’d held his wrist to my mouth then, and I’d gently sucked at his skin, tasting the metallic tang of his blood on my tongue. Seconds later, I felt wide awake, like nothing had happened at all.

For the next year, I went to his house twice a week for a few hours at a time. We’d usually watch a film or play a video game or just sit on our phones together in his room, when he wasn’t drinking my blood, of course. It didn’t take me long to realise he wasn’t exactly the shy soft boy I met that first day. Don’t get me wrong – he was still a little quiet sometimes, awkward and clumsy, a total scaredy cat, and he’d be shy around new people. But after a few weeks, once he was much more comfortable around me, different elements of his personality came out too. He was flirty and bratty and sassy and he could be a total whore – he loved his loose comfy clothes, but he also loved his tighter-than-skin jeans and slightly see-through shirts, leather and silk and expensive cotton blends, in black and navy tones. But he was also sensitive and emotional, thoughtful and sweet. It was soon obvious to me that he was multi-dimensional as a person, complex with so many levels, and I’d wanted nothing more than to get to know them all.

I met the majority of his clan members over that time, and they were all just as nice as Hyunjin. I spent a lot of time with them, because Yeji and our friends were friends with them too. We went to parties together, had a lot of movie nights or ordered takeout together at their clan house, meaning I spent more time with Hyunjin than I did with anyone else, which did nothing for my hopeless crush on him. But I didn’t mind that my attraction to him wasn’t reciprocated because we were slowly becoming best friends.

He was always so careful with me, so gentle, like I was an antique vase or a fine china teacup. He’d hold me close to him with a firm grip, and he’d take slow and steady gulps, never making more than two punctures in my skin when he fed on me. He would never have us sitting in one position for too long or feed on me for more than two minutes at a time – when he was particularly hungry, he’d feed on me three or four times in one sitting, but only for two minutes at a time. When he’d pull away, there was never any blood around his mouth like you see in the films, and no blood staining my neck either. He was clean and careful, always cautious of hurting me, and I was so grateful for that. Sometimes I’d run into Yeji at the house, after Chan had fed on her, and every now and then, she’d have blood all over her neck and shoulder or her clothes and hair would be a mess from Chan losing his composure and being a little rougher with her than usual. I would thank God each time, so lucky that Hyunjin treated me like a fragile doll.

After a year, I’d made enough money from being his donor – or, as Jisung loved to call me, Hyunjin’s personal blood bag – that I could put a deposit down on an apartment. I’d told my parents that I was working as an assistant at an accountancy firm when I didn’t have any lectures or seminars at university, which is why I was making so much money, and that Hyunjin was the only co-worker my own age, which is why I was with him so much. I moved into an apartment block around ten minutes from the clan house, on the same floor as Chaeryeong, and Hyunjin helped me move in. A couple of the other clan boys chipped in too so that, and I quote, ‘you have to let us stay with you when we want a break from the clan’.

Only a month after living at the apartment, I’d woken up in the middle of the night to someone hammering at the door. I’d jumped out of bed, dressed in just a little vest and satin shorts, arms and legs bare, stepping into my slippers as I rushed to the door. I’d had my phone in my hand and had typed in the number for the emergency services, ready to phone them if this was someone trying to rob me, and I’d opened the door carefully. Before I could even process what was going on, Hyunjin had burst in and thrown himself at me, pulling me into his arms and burying his head in my neck, my legs instinctually wrapping around his waist to keep myself steady.

‘Jin, are you oka-’ ‘I’m really fucking drunk, and all I could think about was you, and how hot you are, and how fucking amazing your blood is, and how much I wanna drain you dry, so I ditched the boys because I missed you too fucking much,’ he’d growled in my ear, making my eyes widen in shock and my underwear dampen embarrassingly quickly. He’d chuckled, taking a deep breath, before whispering, ‘judging by the sweet smell coming from your pussy, doll, I think you like the sound of that too.’

He’d kicked the door shut behind him and, with his vamp speed, we were in my bedroom only a few moments later, the vampire boy dropping me onto the bed and climbing over me instantly. ‘Listen, y/n, I’m not exaggerating when I say that I’m really, really drunk. Like… I’m wasted,’ he’d murmured into the skin of my neck, hands roughly trailing up and down the sides of my body. ‘I can tell,’ I’d replied breathlessly, hands tangled into his soft black locks, fluffy and messy around his forehead. ‘Which means… I’m not gonna be able to hold back. I probably won’t be gentle like I always am, because that always takes a lot of self-control, which I don’t… really have at the moment. So if you need me to stop, say… werewolf,’ he’d said against my skin, saying the last word with disdain. The werewolves and vampires had always had a long-standing rivalry, and he was obviously aware that the word would pull him out of any desire-filled reverie.

He hadn’t even given me a moment to reply before he’d sunk his teeth into my neck, rough and harsh, and I’d let out a gasp into his ear, his hands gripping onto my waist. He’d sucked at my neck, drinking my blood desperately, and I could feel it dripping down my shoulder and chest. And usually, when I wouldn’t be able to feel anything because of how gentle he was, all I could feel was pleasure, pure hot pleasure flooding through my veins. It was heavenly, and I’d let out little moans and whimpers into his ear, making him even more desperate, with my hands on his back, nails digging in through his thin white shirt.

It wasn’t long before his big veiny hands were wandering eagerly around my body, one palming at my breast and rolling the hard nipple between his fingertips, the other slipping under my shorts and pressing against my clothed core, my wetness having seeped through my underwear. He’d moved away from my neck and looked down at me with ruby red eyes, his jet black hair a sweaty mess and my blood dripping down his chin in harsh red lines. ‘Fuck, y/n, you’re so fucking hot. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,’ he’d growled, his pointed fangs on full display, making my chest tighten with desire. ‘Can I fuck you, doll? I need you so fucking bad right now,’ he’d asked lowly, hands both stilling against my body, and I’d instantly replied, ‘yes, Hyunjin, please.’

Now, another year later, it’s pretty common that we fuck when he feeds on me. I found out that it was so difficult for him to feed on me as gently as he used to, desperate to just throw me against a wall and drain me of every drop. But when I’d look at him nervously with my ‘big innocent eyes’, he knew he couldn’t hurt me. But that night, we’d found out that messy and rough feeding just felt… so much better. We’d also found out a lot of other things since that night; Hyunjin loves biting me in places other than my neck – my boobs and the insides of my thighs are his personal favourites – and I love it when he’s fucking me and bites me just as I’m about to cum – it heightens the pleasure a thousand times, making me see white and scream his name out like it’s being torn from my throat.

But, to my slight disappointment, sex is all it is. We’re like friends with benefits, but the benefits include feeding on me as well as sex. A lot of other things have changed though. Hyunjin practically lives at the apartment now – he sleeps here 4 or 5 nights a week. It’s like we share the apartment; he’s got as many of his belongings here as I do. I don’t mind it, though. He is pretty much my best friend, so spending time together is enjoyable, even if it means I’m falling more and more for him. Hyunjin’s paid me enough over the past couple years for me to be able to do my master’s degree, and I also managed to get a part time job at the coffee shop where Hyunjin and I first met, so it doesn’t feel like I’m solely relying on the money he gives me (it’s enough to fund me, but I don’t want him to think I’m like his little blood bag and nothing more – I basically am but we won’t talk about that).

This last week, though, I went away with the girls for a little last minute break to Rome (we’d planned to go for two weeks but then we would’ve missed Jackson’s Halloween party in a few days, and it’s already being called the party of the year, so we decided to just go for a week), and so he’s had to drink from blood bags whilst I was gone. He was sending me all these sad snapchats of him pouting with a straw in his mouth, wishing he was drinking from me instead – I think he wanted me to react to it with pity, but instead it was just turning me on. I landed back a couple hours ago, and I forgot to have my iron supplement vitamins when I arrived at the apartment, so he’s right – I had them when he knocked on the door.

I look down at him, sprawled out on his side of the sofa, his black locks a stark contrast against the grey cushions. He looks like such a boyfriend, dressed in a thin white t-shirt and a pair of grey joggers, white socks on his feet, glasses on his face and a silver chain around his neck. He looks up at me with a small grin on his face, eyes scanning my body. ‘You look hot, doll,’ he smirks, and I feel my cheeks heating up. I’m only in comfy travel clothes but he’s looking at me like I’m dressed up to the nines. ‘Thank you, Jin,’ I reply, sitting down beside him and letting him pull my legs across his lap.

‘I’m being serious. You look all glowy. And you’ve tanned a little. Did you have fun?’ he asks, hands skimming up and down my legs. ‘I loved it, Jin. We should go together. Everything was so beautiful. The sights are amazing, the weather is gorgeous, the food is delicious, the people are so lovely. The vibes there are just perfect. You’d love it,’ I tell him, and he just watches me as I speak, a small smile on his plump lips. ‘You’ll have to take me one day, angel,’ he murmurs, and I nod, unable to keep the shy smile from my face.

‘I saw on Ryujin’s story,’ he begins, and I knew this was coming, my heart sinking a little as he continues, ‘that you guys made friends with the people staying in the hotel room next to you. What were they like?’ ‘They were nice. We didn’t actually speak to them ‘til the fourth day, then we had dinner and drinks together on the fifth day, went sightseeing together on the sixth, and shopping together on the seventh. But, yeah, they were okay. They were a bit too… boisterous and noisy for my liking, but the girls got on with them, so I didn’t mind spending time with them,’ I explain honestly, and he just nods, looking like he still has more questions. ‘How many of them were there?’ ‘There were eight boys, and four of them brought their girlfriends. I got along better with their girlfriends than them, to be honest,’ I say lightly, Hyunjin just looking at me unreadably. ‘So you spent a few days in Rome with four single guys?’ he asks, voice tight, and I let out a gentle sigh.

‘Jin, do-’ ‘Answer the question, y/n.’ ‘Yes, we did. Is that a problem, Jin?’ ‘No, y/n, it’s not. Or, at least, it wouldn’t be, if you weren’t covered in a scent that isn’t yours,’ he says evenly, and my eyes widen. ‘I’m covered in someone else’s scent? Well… it must be Yuna’s, because we shared a bed. Or Lia’s – I wore her hoodie on the flight ba-’ ‘No, y/n. I’ve spent enough time with Yuna and Lia to know what they smell like. That’s not the scent on you. You smell like a human boy. So stop lying and tell me why,’ he says, voice tight, and I sigh. ‘Jin, I’m not lying. I didn’t, like, sleep with any of them, if that’s what you’re worried about.’ ‘Then why do you smell like a human boy?’ he asks slowly, obviously trying to keep his composure, and I take a deep breath.

‘I was sat next to one of them on the flight back, and he fell asleep. His head fell on my shoulder a couple times, and I felt bad to wake him up, so I just le-’ ‘You just what, y/n? You let a random human boy sleep on you? Get his scent all over you?’ he demands, hands tightening on my legs and veins protruding from beneath his honey skin. ‘Are you being serious right now, Jin?’ ‘Yes, I am. You can’t just let random human boys get their scent all over you.’ ‘And why not?’ I demand, voice shaky with anger as I take my legs off his lap, and he glares at me. ‘Because I pay you a lot of money to feed on you, and I don’t want anyone else getting near what’s mine,’ he growls, butterflies exploding in my stomach when his eyes glow red.

‘But I’m not yours, Jin. You pay me to feed on me. That’s all. There was no agreement that I would stay away from any other boy!’ I exclaim, shocked at how ridiculous he’s being and trying to ignore how much my body is aching for him, and he scoffs. ‘You don’t need any other boy. I give you all the companionship you need, I fund you so you buy anything you want, and I keep you satisfied. That’s all you need,’ he says simply, and my mouth falls open slightly. ‘What if I wanted a boyfriend? An actual relationship with a boy who loves me?’ I ask, giving him a chance to say what I so want him to say, and his eyes flash momentarily before he says, ‘you don’t want a relationship.’ ‘What if I did?’ ‘We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it. But, for now, you’re mine, y/n, and you know it. I don’t want you getting any other boys’ scents on you again, understood?’ he asks, and I just stare at him in shock, unable to believe how unreasonably he’s behaving.

He gives me a few seconds to reply and when I don’t, he moves so quickly I don’t even realise what’s happened until he’s hovering over me, my back pressing into the sofa, and his hand is pressed to my throat tightly. ‘I asked you if you understand,’ he says lowly, eyes glowing red and fangs glinting in the mellow light of the lamp, threateningly sharp. ‘No, Jin, I don’t. I don’t understand why I should have to stay away from other boys,’ I whisper, heart nearly beating out of my chest, and he lets out a harsh scoff. ‘Because you don’t need them. You only need me,’ he growls, tightening his grip on my throat, and I let out a little gasp of surprise, already feeling a slight dizziness in my head.

‘You only want me, too,’ he whispers, ducking his head so that his soft lips move against the skin over my collarbones, releasing my throat and moving his hand to hold my waist instead. ‘You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know how much you want me, doll? You forget how well I know you, much better than you can ever know yourself. I can sense your every thought, your every feeling – I can smell it on you. The way the serotonin rolls off you in waves when you look at me, the way you drip with dopamine when we touch, the way I feel like I’m drunk on your endorphins whenever I’m around. My presence makes you want me, angel, and we both know it,’ he murmurs softly between gentle kisses, fluffy hair tickling against my cheek, and all I can feel, more with each word, is complete and utter humiliation. Never once has he – or any of the other vampires I see on a daily basis – told me that they can do that – can sense humans’ emotions.

He lets out a gentle chuckle, pushing himself up on one forearm to look down at me with a half-smirk. ‘Don’t be embarrassed, doll. I love it – I really fucking love it – that you want me as much as I want you. As much as I’ve always wanted you, since the first moment I set eyes on you. It consumes me, angel, how much I want you,’ he admits, not looking me in the eyes as his hand slowly makes its way up from my waist to brush my hair back from my face, and the butterflies in my stomach are unbearable. ‘How much do you want me?’ I ask without thinking, the words coming out as a whisper, and his eyes flit up to meet mine, both of us silent as I wait for him to speak, hoping to God he’s going to say he wants me just as much as I want him – more than just sexually. ‘More than you can ever know, princess,’ he murmurs, sparkly brown eyes locking with mine, and my heart jumps at the nickname he so rarely calls me – I’m doll every day, angel when he’s in the mood, but I’m only princess every now and then, when his eyes sparkle the way they are now, like he’s looking at the universe and it’s reflected back in those beautiful brown eyes.

‘Let me… let me show you?’ he whispers, the words coming out slightly questioning, and I can’t help the small smile that spreads across my lips, despite not hearing quite what I wanted to. I slide my hand around the back of his neck, fingers pressing into his soft skin as I pull him down to me, eyes sliding shut as his lips meet mine. I never used to understand the hype over kissing. I never had any of the fireworks, the passion, the clashing tongues and teeth like you read in books and see in films. I only ever kissed one boy, once, and it was quite awkward – he practically tried to suck off my face from the get-go, his hands clamped on my shoulders. But Hyunjin, god, is he good at kissing? I could kiss him for the rest of my life, with his soft plump lips and his hands trailing all over my body.

He barely waits a second before parting my lips with his, tongue sliding into my mouth without a moment of hesitation and his big hand pressing against my waist. I tangle my hands into his hair, soft locks sliding between my fingers, and I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me, as close as physically possible. Before I even have a chance to start feeling uncomfortable, I feel a rush a movement, and not even a few seconds later, I’m on my bed beneath him, our lips still pressed together.

He turns us over, my body laid on top of his, and I forget momentarily that my weight atop him is nothing in comparison to the kind of weight he can carry. I practically melt into him, my body melding into the curves and contours of his body, fitting us together like puzzle pieces. He slides his hands into my hair, the feeling of his fingers against my scalp making me let out a soft whine. ‘You’re fucking perfect, doll,’ he groans against my lips, my entire body tingling as our mouths move in sync, slow and passionate, not nearly as rushed and desperate as usual. His touches are gentle, careful and tender, where he usually holds me in a bruisingly tight grip, rough and possessive.

I slide my hands under his t-shirt tentatively, and he doesn’t even hesitate to sit up, breaking away from me momentarily as I pull the top over his head, throwing it over my shoulder as he reattaches his lips to mine. I slide my hands over his torso, fingers roaming over the ridges of his hard abs, his skin radiating heat. Vampires might have no circulation but the rumour about them being freezing cold all the time is false – their body temperature automatically regulates to the temperature around them, meaning he’s just as hot as I am right now.

His hands slide under my shirt, and we break apart again for him to pull it over my head, instantly leaning down to suck at the exposed skin of my breasts as he cups them, big hands covering them completely. I let out gentle whines, head falling back, and one of his hands comes to rest at the base of my exposed throat, asserting his dominance – I might be on top of him right now, but we both know who’s in charge here.

He doesn’t wait long before turning us over, kissing me for a few more moments before he climbs off me, standing at the foot of the bed. He gently grabs my ankles, pulling me down the bed, and I let out a gentle giggle, a smile on his face at the sound. He pulls off my socks, momentarily tickling the underside of one foot, and a startled laugh is forced out of me as I kick at his hand to make him stop. He reaches for the drawstring of my joggers with a grin, tugging it open deftly and pulling them down my legs swiftly.

My black underwear isn’t anything special, just a plain cotton bra and my high-waisted comfy granny pants, but his eyes trawl over my body like I’m in the finest lingerie, the bulge in his joggers becoming a little more noticeable, making my mouth water embarrassingly quickly – I could live on my knees for Hyunjin if that’s what he wanted me to do. His eyes meet mine, a small smirk on his lips as he drops to his knees, pulling me further down the bed so that my legs are slung over his broad shoulders, heels resting against his strong back.

His hands grab at my pants, ripping them away from my body effortlessly, reminding me again of just how strong he is – he could literally crush my neck without a single hair of his moving out of place. He spreads my legs further, eyes locked onto my core, and he lets out a gentle groan. ‘Fuck, so wet for me, angel,’ he murmurs, running a finger over my slit, a desperate whimper falling from my lips. ‘I don’t need prepping – just want you, Jin,’ I murmur, and he lets out a gentle chuckle. ‘That’s the spirit, doll, but I don’t wanna rip you in half. We’ll see how well you take my fingers first,’ he says amusedly, not giving me a second to reply before he plunges a finger into me.

I gasp loudly, but the pleasure disappears with his finger which he lifts to his lips, eyes locked with mine as he licks his finger clean of my essence. His eyes flutter shut momentarily as he lets out a low moan, my pussy flooding at the sound. ‘You taste amazing, so fucking sweet. This pussy was made for me to eat, wasn’t it, angel?’ he asks, and when I take a second to reply, he raises an eyebrow, prompting me. ‘Yes, Jin, only for you,’ I reply hastily, and a satisfied smile spreads across his lips.

His finger slips between my folds again, and he doesn’t give me a second to react before he adds another, trying to work me open a little. ‘You’re so tight, doll. And you said you didn’t need prepping,’ he laughs, curling his long fingers inside me, making me clench around him. He slowly pumps in and out of me, rocking his hand against me gently, and I let out moan after moan at this completely foreign feeling. He’s always so quick, so desperate to have me fall apart on his hand as fast as I could, but this? This is different, this is slow, heavenly, like he wants me to enjoy this blissful feeling.

He adds another finger, just about fitting inside me, and I throw my head back against the bed, back arching up as I let out a loud moan of his name. ‘Fuck, angel, you’re killing me. Love your pretty moans,’ I hear him murmur, his voice just about breaking through the pleasure that rolls over me like waves crashing, and his thumb appears at my clit, rubbing slow circles that make me whimper desperately. I look down at him, stomach turning when I realise he’s been watching me, eyes studying my face for my reactions as his fingers work their magic, and I can barely maintain his eye contact, hearing him chuckle when my head falls back, mouth falling open in a moan.

His fingers disappear from inside me after a few minutes, giving me a momentary reprieve from the overwhelming pleasure as he moves closer to me, warm breath fanning out over my core. ‘Oh, god,’ I moan out when he licks a long stripe up my slit without warning. My hands instantly reach down to tangle into his hair, tugging at the locks as he sucks at my clit with his plump lips, making my toes curl. He flicks his tongue over my folds, whimpers spilling from my lips as I squirm, and Hyunjin puts one arm over my waist, pressing down to hold me in place.

He pokes his tongue between my folds, gently pushing into my core, and my mouth falls open into a silent scream when he begins to slowly rub at my clit with his thumb, my legs slamming into his back and pulling him even closer, as close as possible, his head completely buried between my legs. Wet and obscene slurping sounds drown out my desperate moans, and Hyunjin begins to let out grunts and groans against me, lapping at me like a man possessed.

I feel myself getting closer, the knot in my stomach tightening as Hyunjin sucks at my clit, pushing two fingers into me and pumping them at a mind-numbing pace. ‘Gonna cum for me, angel?’ he hums against me, and I can’t even muster up the sanity to reply, just moaning out his name, and he lets out a low chuckle before flicking his tongue over my sensitive bud, fingers curling against the spongy spot inside me. I tense up completely, head pressed back into the bed as I call out his name in a moan, releasing all over his hand and tongue. He works me through my orgasm, gently rocking his hand against me as he laps at my folds. ‘God, you taste amazing,’ he murmurs once I’ve come down from my high, licking the last bit of my release from his fingers, and it takes all my effort to lock my eyes with his as he does so, his lips quirking up into a smirk.

And then he lifts his wrist to his mouth, and I know what’s coming, stomach turning with excitement as he bites down into the skin. When he pulls his wrist away from his mouth, I push myself up onto my hands shakily, leaning forward to his wrist that he holds out to me, blood blooming from the smallest little wounds in his skin. I hold his arm to my mouth, sucking at the dots of blood, the metallic taste exploding on my tongue, and not a second after swallowing it down, I feel my energy coming back, regaining my strength quickly.

He pulls his arm away after a few seconds, his focus returning to between my legs, but when he lowers his head, his lips land on my inner thigh rather than my pussy, and I brace myself for the initial sting. His sharp fangs puncture into my soft thigh, the smallest sharp pain making me wince, but it quickly disappears when he hungrily gulps down my blood, messy and desperate. He lets out groans against my thigh, my blood dripping down my skin as he drinks me like a man starved, and I can already feel myself weakening, the pleasure making my head light and dizzy. He lifts his arm up again after a few moments, the two tiny puncture wounds still bleeding, and I lick it up, the weakness disappearing instantly.

He pulls away after around a minute, my blood dripping down his chin in two lines from the corners of his mouth, as though he’s greedily taken more of me into his mouth than he could handle, and he smirks at me as I wipe it up, putting my now bloodstained finger to his lips. He licks my finger in one swift motion, eyes closing as he savours the taste. ‘It’s not fair, angel. You shouldn’t have such a sweet pussy and delicious blood. You’ve got the whole package,’ he murmurs lightly, making me laugh as he rises from his knees, a small smile playing at his lips.

He looks down at me, dark eyes flitting over my body, and I feel conscious under his intimidating gaze. He seems to sense that I want to curl in on myself, shield my body from his view, and he gives me a soft smile. ‘You’re so fucking beautiful, y/n, and you don’t even know it. You’re heavenly, angel,’ he murmurs softly, holding out a hand to me, and I take it, letting him pull me up from the bed and into his arms. He holds me so tenderly, so gently, that I can’t help but bury my head into his chest, his soft and floral scent flooding my senses.

‘Gonna let me fuck you, angel?’ he asks, voice low, and I take a step back from him, a small smile on my face. ‘Wanna suck your dick first,’ I reply, his eyes darkening instantly, and I can’t help the grin on my face when he groans, ‘you’re one of a fucking kind.’ I take his hand into mine, pulling him around to the side of the bed. I kneel on the bed, hands on his shoulders to steady myself, and once I’m comfortable, I pull the drawstring on his joggers open, slipping my hands under to push them halfway down his thighs. He’s wearing a pair of plain black boxers, his bulge straining against the material, but I don’t pull them down just yet, instead moving my attention to his torso.

He’s so perfect, sculpted by the Gods, and I can’t help but admire his body every time I see it, hands running up his stomach and chest, and over his big shoulders. I bring my lips up to his collarbone, kissing and sucking to leave a mark, threading my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck. He waits patiently, hands on my waist, lips letting out gentle sighs every now and then, and I can’t help but respect his self-control. He’s always so patient, putting me before himself, and I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be for him.

I take pity on him after a little while, moving from his neck and looking up at him with a small smile as my hands trail down to his underwear. I slip my hands beneath the waistband, pulling his boxers down just enough for his hard length to spring up against his stomach, Hyunjin letting out a gentle hiss. He’s so long with a perfect curve (he has the most beautiful cock I’ve ever seen), and his head is painfully swollen and red, the tip leaking with milky white precum. My mouth waters at the sight.

I lean down and press a kiss to the tip, tongue sliding out to taste some of his precum, and he lets out a shaky breath. I spread his wetness down his length with one hand, his hands coming to tangle into my hair. I place my tongue at the base, licking up to the tip against the vein on the underside of his cock, and he tenses as I do so, gripping my hair tightly. I take his head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around him as my hands slowly rub the rest of his length. I look up at him through my lashes as I take him further into my mouth, feeling him hit the back of my throat, and his head falls back, a soft moan falling from his lips.

I gradually build my pace, steadily bobbing my head on him and taking him as far in as possible. ‘Such a good girl, doll,’ he groans, gentle moans falling from his lips more and more often now, and I know it isn’t going to be long before he loses all control. I’m just beginning to adjust to having him hit the back of my throat with each bob of my head when his hips start twitching, and he begins thrusting into my mouth, controlling my head movements with his hands fisted into my hair. All I can do I grab onto the backs of his thighs as he fucks my mouth, my eyes beginning to water. His tip hits the back of my throat harshly, and I gag around him loudly, making him curse as he bucks into my throat.

‘Swallow,’ he instructs, voice not nearly as gentle and soft as a few minutes ago, and I try my best to do so, my throat contracting around him in noisy gags. ‘Come on, doll, you can take me further than that,’ he says teasingly, before pulling my head forward, his cock pushing down my throat and my lips wrapped around the base of his cock, and he can barely thrust back and forth because of how tight my throat is around him, desperately gagging to push him back out. Tears stream down my face, saliva running down my chin, and my choked gags and desperate breaths mingling with his soft grunts and whispered words of comfort in the air.

I can feel him getting closer, his cock twitching in my throat, and I ready myself to feel his hot release hit the back of my throat, but he pulls me off him with a loud sigh, looking down at me with tender eyes. He wipes the saliva from my face with gentle fingers, tilting my head up to kiss away the tear tracks that stain my skin, hand stroking my hair soothingly. ‘Always so good for me, angel. Gonna let me fuck you now?’ he asks, our eyes locked together, and I nod eagerly. ‘Please, Jin, want you,’ I breathe out, throat hoarse, and he grins, pressing his lips to mine in a brief kiss.

‘Lie down for me,’ he says, and I do so, watching as he pulls his joggers and boxers down his legs and kicking them away impatiently before he joins me on the bed, hovering over me. ‘You’re still in your bra, doll. This won’t do,’ he grins, slipping a hand beneath my body to expertly unclasp my bra. I pull it off me quickly, throwing it off to the side as Hyunjin ducks his head, flicking his tongue across one nipple as he rolls the other between his fingers, toying and tugging at it gently. I let out a gentle whimper, tangling my fingers into his hair, and he lets out a gentle chuckle. ‘Want me to bite you, angel?’ he asks teasingly, and I let out a low moan as confirmation, feeling his sharp fangs slide into the soft flesh of my breast not a moment later.

I gasp loudly, pleasure flooding through my veins as he swallows down my blood hungrily, the heady haze of bliss settling over me more and more with each gulp. Whimpers and moans fall from my lips every few seconds, my hands in his hair pulling him closer and closer, one of his big hands gripping onto my waist, fingers rubbing against my skin comfortingly. He doesn’t drink a lot this time, having had more than enough from my thigh, so I don’t feel too weak, but he still feeds me a little of his blood when he’s done, making me smile up at him.

‘Are you sure you still want me to fuck you? Have you got enough energy?’ he asks softly, brushing my hair back from my face, and I nod, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips. ‘I want it, Jinnie. I want you,’ I whisper against his lips, and I feel him grin, resting on one forearm as he rubs his head against my folds teasingly. ‘Jin… please,’ I breathe out, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, and he lets out a low chuckle. ‘I like hearing you beg, doll,’ he murmurs, smile playing at his lips as he continues running his head up and down my folds, tapping the tip against my clit every few seconds, the wetness gushing from my core soaking him. ‘Please, Jin, need you to fuck me, fill me up with your cock, bite me and drain me dry, need it so bad,’ I plead pathetically, and his eyes darken at my words, the boy letting out a gentle ‘fuck’.

He sinks into me slowly, and I gasp as he inches in, enjoying the burning stretch and gripping onto his strong shoulders as I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me with my ankles locked together. He lets out a low groan when he bottoms out, our bodies lined up perfectly, and he brings his hand up to my mouth, slipping two fingers past my lips. I roll my tongue around them as he gives me a moment to stop clenching around him and adjust to the stretch. He pushes his fingers a little further in, making me gag around them, and I shoot him evils, Hyunjin trying to look apologetic, but failing miserably and looking amused instead.

‘Can I- fuck, angel, you gotta stop clenching, gonna make me cum. Can I move? Doll, please, I need to move,’ he pleads, the words coming out as a low whine, and I feel a thrill in my stomach. I can’t help but feel pride at being able to make Hyunjin – someone so dominant – whiny and submissive because he’s that desperate to fuck me. I hum out permission around his fingers, and he pulls all the way out before pushing back in, slow and deep, the drag of his cock against my walls making us both moan. ‘Fuck, so tight, angel. So wet and tight. Fucking love this pussy, doll,’ he growls as he fucks into me, dark eyes locked with mine as I moan around his fingers.

‘How’d you want it, y/n? Want me to fuck you slow, doll, or so hard you can’t walk tomorrow?’ he asks in a low voice, hips stilling as he pulls his fingers out of my mouth, and I let out a gentle whine, not quite sure what I want. ‘Anything, Jin, just need you,’ I whisper breathlessly, and he grins a cocky grin, his ego satisfied. His hand comes to the base of my throat, pads of his fingers resting against my blood vessels, and he pulls out, leaving me feeling empty, before slamming all the way back in, knocking all of the air out of me in a desperate moan, his balls slapping against my ass.

‘You were only gone a week but, fuck, I missed you so fucking much. Missed your sweet pussy and your sweet blood, angel. Couldn’t stop myself from jacking off to the thought of this tight, wet little cunt, doll,’ he growls against my ear, his hand at my throat tightening just a little, and I let out a pathetic whimper in reply, his words sending a fresh wave of arousal gushing out of me, coating his thighs and abdomen. ‘So wet, doll, gushing around me. Did you miss my cock, angel?’ he asks between thrusts, my hands tangling into his soft locks, gripping tightly. ‘Missed your cock so much, Jin. Wanted you so fucking bad while I was gone. Never wanna leave you again,’ I try to say, half of it coming out as garbled nonsense and moans, and he lets out a low groan, his thrusts becoming even harder and deeper, his silver chain brushing against my chin with each thrust.

His hand tightens even more, completely cutting off my airflow, and my head instantly starts to become light, the pleasure increasing endlessly with each second. ‘More,’ I barely manage to breathe out, and he lets out a gentle chuckle, doing as I say, fucking me so hard that the bed creaks with each thrust. ‘My dirty little girl. Can’t even handle what I’m already giving you, and you’re asking for more. You forget how strong I am. I’m gonna tear you in half as this rate, angel,’ he murmurs against my ear, hand still tight at my throat, silver rings digging into my skin, and I don’t even feel fear, like I probably should. All I can feel is pure, hot need.

He moves one of my legs from around his waist, bringing it up between us so that my ankle rests on his shoulder, the new position allowing him to go deeper, so much deeper, and his tip scrapes against the spot inside me that makes me scream. He reaches down to rub at my clit, bringing me closer to my climax, and I can feel my vision beginning to go blank when he ducks his head to suck at my neck with his plump lips. The mixed sensations of his hand at my throat, his cock filling me up perfectly, his thumb at my clit and his mouth sucking marks onto my skin makes my eyes flutter shut, the pleasure overwhelming me.

‘Look at me, angel. Wanna see those pretty eyes while I fuck you,’ he growls, cock dragging against my walls, and it takes all my energy to open my eyes. His jaw is clenched, sweat dripping down his face, lips swollen, eyes dark and dilated, glinting red every few seconds, his chain dangling in my face. He looks like sin incarnate. ‘Fuck, you’re so pretty. So fucking pretty,’ he groans, releasing my throat from his tight grip, and I take a deep gasping breath, not even realising how much I needed to breathe. He holds his wrist to his mouth, biting at it again and pushing it against my mouth. I lick up the small drops of blood, quickly regaining my strength, and he presses his lips to mine once I’m done, in a brief passionate and sloppy kiss.

He breaks away from me with a grin, continuing to fuck me hard and deep, swollen tip scraping against the spongy spot inside me, and I let out desperate moans and whimpers of his name, Hyunjin grunting and groaning sinfully softly as tears stream down my face, blurring my vision. I clench around him sporadically, knowing my high is nearing, and he knows it too, his hand slipping down to my clit and rubbing slow circles with his thumb, making me call out his name. ‘Gonna cum for me, doll?’ he asks, and I can’t even bring myself to reply, just nodding along with loud moan, and he grins, his cock still hammering into me.

‘Want you to cum for me, angel. Cum on my cock, y/n, soak it up like a good little girl. So good for me, angel, wanna feel you cum around me,’ he prompts, pushing me closer and closer, the knot in stomach becoming tighter and tighter, and I’m so close, practically there, hanging on the precipice of my high. He grins at me, his lethal fangs sliding out and his eyes glowing red before he ducks his head, biting into the soft flesh of my neck and pushing me over the edge. I scream out his name as he gulps down my blood, numbing bliss flowing through me like morphine, his cock still rocking into me and his thumb toying with my clit. My vision is completely blank, neither white nor black, just… blank, pleasure exploding within me, and I feel my consciousness slipping away until Hyunjin’s finger slips between my lips. He must have bitten it because I taste his blood on my tongue, bringing me back to this moment with him.

He breaks away from my neck when I’ve come down from my high, lips and chin covered in my blood and his eyes still flickering red as he grins, both hands digging into the mattress on either side of my head, the pace of his thrusts increasing once more, his cock slamming into me as he chases his high. I wrap my legs around his waist tightly, arms around his shoulders and nails digging into his skin, hard enough to leave marks. I try not to let the overstimulation stop me from getting him to his climax, my pussy clenching around him with sensitivity, and when I feel his cock twitching inside me, desperate moans falling from his lips and face scrunching up with desperate desire, I know he’s about to cum. I dig my heels into his back to hold him deep inside me, and his head drops down to my neck.

‘Cum in me, Jin. Wanna feel you cum in me, please. Fill me up, Jin. Cum for me, baby,’ I murmur into his ear and he does as I ask, moaning my name loudly against my neck as his entire body tenses up. He bites into me again as he releases inside me, his hot thick cum painting my insides as he slowly moves his hips against me, leisurely sucking my blood. He gently rocks into me until he’s finished and I’m completely out of breath, both of us covered in blood, sweat, tears and cum.

‘God, you’re so good for me, angel,’ he murmurs gently after pulling away from my neck, his fangs retracting before he presses kisses to the skin he’s just bitten, sucking and nipping to leave marks. I play with his hair, body still tensing with aftershocks, and he runs his hands up and down my body, caressing my sweaty skin. Every movement, every action, every featherlight touch of his is so comforting, so tender, that I feel like I can stay here with him forever, letting him worship my body so gently like this, my hands playing with his soft, fluffy locks.

But after a while, I can feel myself drifting away, and I know I can’t sleep like this – covered in various… liquids, with completely soiled sheets and a vampire practically drunk on my blood lying on top of me. ‘Jin… I gotta get up. Clean myself up before I sleep,’ I murmur, and he whines, making me smile at his bratty behaviour. ‘No, wanna stay like this,’ he mumbles against my breast, having ventured down to leave marks on the soft flesh beside my nipple. ‘We can after. Just let me have a quick shower and change the sheets,’ I say softly, and he sighs, waiting a few moments before he pulls out of me and gets up off me, standing up beside the bed.

‘Wait here a second,’ he says before heading towards the bathroom, giving me a view of his cute little ass as he goes. I lie there in silence for a couple minutes, focused on the feeling of his thick cum trickling out of me, before he reappears with a smile, making my heart stop momentarily. His hair is pasted to his forehead with sweat, the bottom half of his face is covered in blood, his lips are swollen and his eyes are lidded with the drunken tiredness of being full on blood, but he looks like the most beautiful man in the world to me.

He scoops me up into his arms, bridal style, and carries me into the bathroom, my eyes on his face the entire time, a small smile on his lips because he knows I’m watching him and admiring him. When we walk into the bathroom, my eyes flit to the bathtub, which is now full. I realise he’s drawn me a bath, my heart swelling when he gently puts me down, not letting go until my feet are firmly on the floor. ‘Go to the toilet first. Don’t want you getting a UTI,’ he says, and I let out a bratty whine, making him raise an eyebrow. ‘Toilet. Now,’ he says, and I pout, stomping to the toilet. His eyes stay locked with mine as I piss, and I let out a laugh after a few seconds – the fact that he’s stood there naked and covered in blood watching me as I wee naked and covered in blood is just so funny to my sleep deprived and jet-lagged mind – and he just rolls his eyes with an amused smile.

Once I’m done washing my hands, I practically bound to the bath eagerly, and he helps me to climb in. I sigh happily as sit in the tub, the temperature of the water perfect to cool down my burning hot skin. I lean back against the edge, my eyelids drooping with tiredness as I watch him wash his face in the sink, cleaning away all the blood. ‘What a waste,’ he murmurs as he watches the red-tinted water wash down the sinkhole, making me let out a little laugh, and he smiles softly at the sound. He climbs into the shower and I watch as he turns the dial, the glass fogging up as the water rains down over him, soaking his honey skin and his pitch black hair.

I love watching Hyunjin do anything, my eyes not leaving his face as he gently scrubs at his skin with my passionfruit-scented shower gel, but I’m so tired that, without even realising it, I fall asleep after a few minutes. Hyunjin wakes me with a tender smile, once he’s out of the shower, wearing fresh underwear and joggers, his chest bare and a towel around his neck to gather the water that drips from his dark hair. I’m too tired to even speak as he washes me, soft hands rubbing gently at my skin, cleaning away the sweat on my body, the blood stains around where he bit me, the dried release around my thighs and the echoes of tear tracks on my face. Neither of us speak the entire time, but we don’t really have to – his touches on my body say everything he wants to say, and my gaze locked onto his face says anything I want to say.

He drains the bath, drying me carefully and carrying me back into the bedroom once he’s done, redressing me in a clean pair of underwear and a soft t-shirt of his that I’ve claimed as my own. He must have changed the sheets whilst I was asleep in the bath, and we climb into my bed together, his arms holding me close. I almost fall asleep the instant my head lands on the pillow, eyes fluttering shut as my body lines up with Hyunjin’s, his front pressed to my back and his arms around my waist. I stay awake just long enough to hear him whisper something, something that sounds suspiciously like what I’ve wanted to hear from him for nearly as long as I’ve known him, but sleep takes me before I can reply.

When I wake in the morning, the other side of the bed is empty, and his bedroom is empty too. And when I see that his shoes are gone from beside the door, I realise he must have left whilst I was asleep. I practically turn the apartment upside down, but he hasn’t left me a note. I check my phone, but he hasn’t texted or called. I can barely make it back into bed before I dissolve into tears, sobbing as though my heart would break.

[apathynoir]

it is similarly not unusual to find dwyer up late.

his insomnia hits him at the worst of times. sleeping comes so easily to him until it doesn't---where he is then left lying in bed for hours in a vain attempt to get an hour's sleep in. when he becomes too frustrated by sleeplessness, he trudges to the kitchen to do some midnight baking. it calms him and, even if it doesn't help, he gets some treats out of it. occasionally he meets the odd lurker in the dark, drawn in by the scent of vanilla extract and sugar.

tonight's menu is caramel-chocolate shortbreads. dwyer wants something a little harder than cakes but not crunchy, so shortbreads are the way to go. and who doesn't like caramel and chocolate? paired with some milk tea... goodness, dwyer feels bliss just by imagining it.

he's just finished placing the shortbreads in the oven when he picks up a new, unseen presence. he's learned to stop throwing things at whatever he notices thanks to a previous incident involving a fork and a lost student. the lecture he got from faculty the next morning...

so instead, he just goes for the plain and simple route. "who's over there?" he calls, though continuing to focus on the chocolate he's prepping for the shortbreads. "if you're trying to stay hidden, it's not working. i know somebody's here."

nothing good happens after midnight

[ireneakihabara]

So the thing about the blackberry caramel tart is that this was my first time baking my own pie crust and I didn't actually have a pie dish so I had to use a cakepan. The other thing was the dough was partially almond flour so there wasn't a ton of gluten to develop so the texture came out closer to a shortbread. The bottom ended up shrinking and separating from the edges when I was baking it. It looks a little fucked up but the blackberry caramel jello came out fantastic and the texture of the pie crust is really satisfying. This was the one recipe that had the highest appeal to me from Dessert Person and I'm really glad I finally got to try it before blackberries go out of season :)

[aiweirdness]

AI AI Weirdness

Now that GPT-3 is capable of writing entire personality quizzes (sort of), could it write an entire blog post for me?

I prompted GPT-3 with “Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I wondered what would happen if I trained a neural net to generate”, letting it complete the sentence and hopefully the rest of the blog post. Result: it has weird ideas about what would make an interesting post.

—-

Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I wondered what would happen if I trained a neural net to generate numbers in the range [-1,1]. As you might expect, the neural net started generating numbers that were more than a little odd: 0.9286401128496419 0.06491227721694329 0.9879906435756054 0.745677946535383 0.679450170988766 0.1065339560745793 -0.2977483969426606 0.05673549481890381 0.4304206725753945 0.7544217043730188 -0.8960721608636865 0.7224255864247317 -0.2139997613483644 0.0295771285597738 0.619233475195753 0.05578493537857566 -0.630712498931699 -0.0506476255464803 0.3256973044703828 0.0988207888549295

—-

Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I wondered what would happen if I trained a neural net to generate a page of text by printing the same word over and over again.

—-

Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I wondered what would happen if I trained a neural net to generate new examples of the British rail timetable.

—-

The other completions it suggested tended to be even less interesting: long technical preludes about hidden layers of neurons and training data while never getting around to posting the results, or else posts in which the neural net was generating images that we never got to see.

I decided to get more specific, writing the topic and preamble myself so I could get straight to the neural net generated neural net generated results. (Yes, this is meta enough that I’m beginning to get confused). And, in a final twist that I almost wish I hadn’t tried, I wrote that the neural net’s results were weird. (First paragraph is my prompt, and the text that follows is verbatim from the neural net.)

—-

Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I trained a neural net to generate new kinds of cake by giving it thousands of existing recipe names. Unfortunately, the neural net was terrible at it, creating totally terrible-sounding recipe titles. Half of them seem to contain non-food ingredients. Here's a list of some of the strangest titles:

Dump With Brown Ink Shot Show Ball Dr. Huge Crust Daily Beige Coarse Sugar Cheese Yellow Cheese Huge Aluminum Easy Nuts Beans Pancakes Butter Cabbage Cake Lemon Tough Compote Rice Cake Minced Pepper Chocolates Muffins Sugar Pancakes Butter Custard Orange Tart Vanilla Coffee Spaghetti Jam Caramel Cake Sticky Meat Orange Stew Honey Honey Lemon Lemon Honey Lemon

—-

I’m not sure how I feel about all this. Because I (and so many other people) have used neural nets to generate so much weird stuff, it’s now possible for me to use a neural net, trained on blog posts about the work of previous simpler neural nets, to pretend that I have trained a smaller neural net to generate weird things.

And it’s giving me weird things because I’m specifically asking for them. Here’s what I got when I gave it a preamble saying the neural net cake names could pass as human, and then again (at the same creativity setting) when the preamble said these were classic human cakes. As before, I supplied the first paragraph, and the neural net wrote the rest.

—-

Welcome to AI Weirdness! In today's blog post, I trained a neural net to generate new kinds of cake by giving it thousands of existing recipe names. It actually did a really good job! I wouldn't be surprised to see most of these on real recipe blogs. Here are some of the most interesting:

Sunset Strawberry Cake Seaweed Chocolate Cake Spaghetti Caramel Cake Butter Lemon Cake French Honey Cake Rainbow Strawberry Cake Mozilla Grape Cake Banana Honeycake Chocolate Heaven Cake Chocolate Jelly Cake Cherry Lemon Cake Tobacco Lime Cake Vanilla Cheesecake Black Coffee Lemon Meringue

——

Welcome to Janelle's cooking blog, in which I look at the most commonplace recipes in American cooking. Today, I thought I'd list some of the most frequently-baked cake recipes, the ones that anyone in the Midwest has probably had dozens of times. If you want to blend in, look no farther than these recipe titles:

Three-Minute Cake One-Bowl Chocolate Cake Lemon Cake Mix Cake Golden Butter Cake Angel Food Cake White Velvet Cake Yellow Cake Moist Chocolate Cake Hot Milk Chocolate Cake Hot Milk Banana Nut Bread -- I didn't realize that this one fit the "extremely common" category, but it does, oh yes, it does. Calico Shortbread Ranch Shortbread Lemon Chiffon Squares -- Makes 8 servings German Chocolate Cake Seven-½ Layer Cake -- Need to make one now Cheesecake -- No sugar necessary -- makes 8 servings

—-

Although the neural net doesn’t completely succeed in creating realistic content, it’s clear that “neural net weirdness” is a writing style it knows how to produce on command. What does it mean when the neural nets are weird because we’ve asked them to be, not because they’re trying and failing to be ordinary? Maybe the creative work is now to figure out ways to nudge AIs into being weird and interesting rather than producing inane imitations of the most ordinary human writing.

After all, left to its own devices, GPT-3 would be writing A.I. Weirdness posts about numbers between -1 and +1. Neural nets have terrible taste.

Subscribers get bonus content: the favorite cookie recipes of famous Star Wars villains!

My book on AI, You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: How Artificial Intelligence Works and Why it’s Making the World a Weirder Place, is available wherever books are sold: Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s - Boulder Bookstore

[raymondebidochonlifechoices]

Bughead Fandom Love

(Say It With Biscuits)

Dear authors, artists, gif-makers, editors, commentators, theorists, lurkers(!) of the Bughead family, thank you so much for making the fandom so much brighter, so much more beautiful!

The fiction, the art, the gifs, the specialized blogs (yes, this is for you @riverdalearthistory​!), the events, the theories, the comments … The Bughead fandom experience is so full!

I’m a self-conscious boob who mostly interacts through likes and reblogs rather than dm, so that little red heart carries a lot of love, just so you know!

If I could make cookies for all of you, I would, but I can’t, therefore here’s a recipe in order to celebrate!

Which is the simplest and most delicious sweet to make? I’d argue that -in spite of its chocolateless state- that’s the shortbread biscuit, because it has the least amount of ingredients (butter, sugar, flour) and you can stuff yourself with buttery goodness within 20 minutes! The recipe is from this site, and it goes like this:

225 gr. (1 cup) butter

60 gr. (1/2 cup) confectioners’ sugar

260 gr. (2 cups) all-purpose flour

You want to put a bit of salt in? Some lemon zest? A bit of vanilla? You don’t have to, but go crazy!

Preheat your oven to 180°C / 350 °F.

Now, you can use the butter you got in the fridge but this is a good time to go buy that really good stuff. And by good stuff, my American friends, I mean a French brand. Trust me, it’s worth it.

You want that butter in room temperature but here’s a tip: you’re going to mix it with a mixer, it will inevitably soften, don’t you worry. Unless you don’t have a mixer and you’re going to do it by hand (yikes! as Jughead would say - but still doable).

Mix the butter, mix it good! Then mix it some more! Think of Nutella and make it soft and creamy and spreadable.

Then put your sugar in. Put double the sugar in if you want! Oh yes! (just add less flour if you do). If you have a sieve, now is the time to use it! If you don’t, it’s quite all right! 

You don’t have confectioners’ sugar in your pantry, you say? Lovely Bughead friend, I’ve done this with granulated sugar And. It. Works. The texture is better with confectioners’ and you should definitely try it that way but if you crave a biscuit right now and you only have plain old sugar, don’t you worry! (Brown sugar caramelizes differently: I’m sure you’ll make some kind of biscuit with it, but it won’t be a shortbread!)

Beat that mixture until it’s so fluffy you’re gonna die!

Helpful image:

Then add the flour. Sieve it. Or don’t. You shall have biscuits anyway. Mix only until everything is combined and No More Than That (capitals for emphasis).

Now, the biscuit snobs, the cookie elite, people with opinions and -worse!- free time on their hands will tell you to roll out the dough and chill it and then cut it and all sorts of preposterous things. You don’t have time for that hullabaloo, Bughead friend, do you? You need biscuits, you need them like yesterday, and -what’s more- you’ve been preheating that oven and you have to think of the electric bill and also

(also)

the environment. So, roll that dough into a log, put some saran wrap around (foil sticks) or -you know what?- leave it as is and stick it in the freezer for 5 minutes to firm up.

Then take that delicious log out and cut those round slices, 0,5 cm./1/4inch thick. You can make them thicker, of course, but then you’ll have to adjust the baking time. Ain’t nobody got time for that. The only trick is to keep the thickness even, otherwise some biscuits will be overbaked and some underbaked and that would be such a shame ...

Put your biscuits on a parchment-lined baking sheet and in the oven they go. The og recipe says for 15 min. but it can be a bit different depending on the oven. You want them light brown.

For the biscuit amateur: the biscuits will still be soft when you take them out. They’ll firm up once cooled. Cooling on a rack is better than cooling on a plate (a solid surface will make one side of your biscuits sweat) but beggars can’t be choosers: just get them off the hot baking sheet or their precious biscuit bottoms will get burned! Don’t forget to use your oven mittens!

Did you crave chocolate and this recipe let you down? Oh, lovely Bughead friend, we can do better than that! 

Take some chocolate and melt it. Use the microwave or bain-marie or just melt it in a pan directly on the stove: as long as the temperature is low, you stir constantly and you take the pan off the heat when most (but not all) of the chocolate is melted, you’re ok (just stir a bit more once it’s off the heat). If you’ve got a bit of a butter left, you can stir it in: it will give the melted chocolate a lovely shine!

Then, oh, then … Then the world’s your oyster! 

You can dip, roll, spread, drizzle or even dunk (gasp!) your biscuits into the delicious chocolate! You can wait for the chocolate to set, you can stick them in the fridge to accelerate the process (you’ll lose that shine though) OR you can just bite into them, melted chocolate running down your hands like THE ABSOLUTE SAVAGE YOU ARE! 

(I love you) 

(and I suspect this is not your first time baking either ...) ❤️