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floosies · 9 months ago

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Radio

early 2000s au

eddie munson x poc!oc

warnings: mentions of drugs, cursing, eventual smut, mentions of abuse, friends to lovers 18+

a/n: i feel like i should explain i'm writing this the way i remember acting as a teenager and how i remember my friends behaving, i feel like teenage angst should be honest no matter how dumb is it looking back at it. also this is gonna be a longer chapter.

Junior Year, 2008

Something had happened during the first couple of months of junior year. Eddie wasn't acting the way he usually had been last year. She noticed it happening before her. He had started ditching again to the point he just wasn't showing up most of the week. His replies were either paragraphs long or nothing and no calls anymore. He wouldn't talk to her at parties anymore either, just sell what he came with and head out.

In his head, Eddie was trying to spare her from his bullshit. His dad been trying to get him to go clear his name at his upcoming trial. Trying to push some bullshit about his mom and how she would have wanted him to do that for her. He hung up on him then and there, he remembered the countless times the psycho smacked his mom around like a ragdoll. He never forgot how he would hold his mom after his dad would leave her with bloody noses or a busted lip. She died trying to get away from him and it was some shit Eddie would never forgive his dad for.

He wanted to do right by Julie and his uncle, but people around Hawkins already saw him one way so it didn't really matter what happened with school. The thing he had left was the band and that was gonna be his ticket out. This was the year he was gonna try to get them onto the warped tour setlist. Fuck school and a diploma, it wouldnt mean shit compared to a platinum record and touring around the world.

Still he tried to do some justice by her, showing up to his classes. Not really doing shit but not causing a stir either. Julie was happy to see him sort of going back to his old self. She tried to figure out what happened and why he'd been awol for the last couple weeks. He brushed her off, and while she didn't wanna admit it, it hurt like hell to have him treat her like that.

Jeff had noticed how his friend had been off with her and at one the band practices he did his best to let her know that she was probably the only girl he actually cared about. Still it didn't feel like it sometimes, and either way they were just friends. As she watched them practice she realized it was probably time to drop whatever she thought was happening.

That weekend she didn't even text him where she was going to be at. They had started going to backyard shows together, usually it was where they'd be if she wasn't feeling up to partying. He started wondering where the hell she was tonight, her calls were going to voicemail and she wasnt replying to her messages. By nine he had messaged everyone he knew about where the parties were at this week, but the only party was at some abandoned house in the woods.

Liquor and weed is a hell of a good way to forget whatever makes you feel like shit. That was something Julie had learned her freshman year of high school, even before Eddie was in the picture, she felt like she was fucking everything up. Her parents had no problem verbally and emotionally abusing her, telling her what she could do better or how they had gave up their dreams for her. None of that shit mattered here, the music was blasting her eardrums and jungle juice was being poured to her by people she never hung out with in school.

It took Eddie a while to find her in-between all the people she was around. Her friend was the first person to notice him, she tried to get Julie's attention, when she eventually did, she pointed at him. Julie turned to look at him waving at her. She just nodded acknowledging him, but not really caring. Maybe he had that coming for how he had been with her lately but it still hurt like hell.

He knew it looked weird to follow her around, but he did it anyways. He didn't want any weirdo near her, usually she was with his friends or nearby him at parties so it wasn't that big of a deal. Eventually she pulled him aside to an empty-ish spot, her head jumbled by everything she'd consumed, she tried her best to sound somewhat sober, "dude I don't know why you're following me. Go have fun like everyone else." Julie had resigned herself to whatever was going to come from this.

Eddie looked at her confused the music was too loud, his head tilting down and his right hand gently gripping her upper arm, "I don't know anyone here. I came because I wanted to talk to you, you havent answered any of my texts or calls." He pulled away, her gaze following his, frustration and every other emotion building up, "is there anything to really be said? I mean you've brushed me off all week. Like cool I know that life is shit but you don't have to be a dick." She shrugged, "listen I just wanna have a good night tonight, I'm not arguing with you here." He shook his head, his voice defeated as he spoke to her, "I don't wanna argue either. I know I've been a dick lately, I'm sorry. Julie you're the coolest fuckin person ever, please I don't want you to be mad at me. I'll do anything! I'll fuckin get on my knees and beg." To which he actually did, this making her laugh and forcing him to get up off the dirt beneath them.

She hated how she couldn't be mad at him. How quickly she made up with him, but Eddie was just someone she couldn't deny. He spent the rest of the night dancing with her and following her around. The night didn't end as planned, Julie had gone to go get her friend away from some guy who was overdoing it, to which he tried to yell at her about cock blocking. Eddie threw one punch and the guy was out, but it caused enough of a scene for them to leave the party early. Julie knew he meant well so she didn't really hold the situation against him and even her friend had thanked him.

What neither of them expected was that he would run into the guy at school the following week. He was mostly just shit talking Eddie and his friends, which they were all used to, but by Thursday it had gotten ridiculous. At lunch time Eddie had become fed up of the guy, it was the same insults and shit talk about how it wasn't even a fair fight because he was drunk. The guy followed them to their table in the back of the cafeteria and kept at his bullshit, so biting the bullet Eddie finally told him to "stop barking like a bitch and accept the fact he got knocked out" to which the guy threw his backpack at him. Both her friend and one of Eddie's stopped her from getting in the middle of it as soon as it had started.

Eddie didn't wanna have problems with anyone but this guy had pushed all the buttons. First there was the incident at the party and now he had gone too far, he let the dickhead throw the first swing, which he missed and then swung back. The punches kept going back and forth just trying to get a hit in where ever either of the two could land. He wasn't sure when it happened during the fight, but this guy had thrown his skateboard off him. He'd been carrying it between the straps of his backpack for most of the day before the guy knocked off him.

It happened in less than minute but the action felt like slow-mo. She saw Eddie grab his board and swing it at the guy's face, like that scene in Wanted. The board broke and all that anyone heard was the crack of the wood. People scattered, her friend and Eddie's tried to get her to scatter, but she couldn't or wouldn't, Julie was frozen in her seat at the table. Both the principal and some teachers had showed up, someone called for an ambulance and she was taken to the office as a witness of the fight.

The yelling could be heard from the nearly quiet front office, everyone was trying to find out what happened. Staff even tried asking Julie, who still chose not to say anything. She knew Eddie could have a temper but she'd never seen it like that before. He might have done it now, but she was hoping for the best. Eddie and his uncle had been in there for a while with the principal.

She was waiting on her mom to get there. It irritated her that they had called for their parents. Mostly because she knew her mom would hold this situation against her, use it as more ammo against her social life and reason to have her sent to a private school. When her mom finally showed up and sat behind her she started her rambling, "you know Wayne was the better half of him and his brother. Poor man, he should have left that brat to the system." Julie was sure she hated her mother by that point.

After nonstop claim after claim that Hawkins was heading down the drain, it came to halt as the door to the principal's office opened and out came the Munson men looking slightly defeated and annoyed. The principal then called for Julie to come in, her mother giving Eddie's uncle a small hello before entering the office. It didn't take long to figure out that whatever she said was going to royally fuck things up for Eddie if she didn't word it right.

Ultimately she ended up calling the situation self defense even if it did go too far, that she blamed on teenage boys being hormonal and dumb. Her mother wasn't buying it, she kept repeating to her to be honest, which Julie had to assure the principal she actually was being as honest to the situation as she could be. When it was over with Eddie and his uncle got called back in. By then Julie and her mom had left, and he was given a week's suspension, told that he got lucky he was still seventeen (by some months) and that he needed to get himself straightened out.

As Eddie and his uncle left the school premises, they walked out to a shouting match between Julie and her mom. He heard as Julie argued that she wasn't defending him so much as that's just how things really happened. He knew her mom like the rest of the town mostly hated him, but this was as close as he figured she could get to looking out for him. What he didn't expect was to see her mom smack her, before he could even react Wayne had already gone over there.

The two adults were having it out like they knew each other, which maybe in a past life they did. Julie ended up going to talk to Eddie while they spoke, "sorry you had to see that." He shook his head, "are you okay? What the fuck is wrong with her?" She shrugged, "so much for pretending to be a caring mother." He wanted to hold her then and there but he had to stop himself knowing it'd probably get her in more trouble. Eventually the conversation ended and Julie left with her mom still yelling at her. Wayne told Eddie that some people never change.

That weekend she didn't go out, she got grounded, her parents took her phone, but left her laptop so she could do homework. Again she was thankful they had no clue how the internet worked. She ended up messaging him on myspace for the rest of the night on Friday and learning that his band had a gig on Saturday. Julie didn't know it, but the way she had vouched for him had taken on a bigger effect on Eddie than what she could have imagined.

He spent that weekend dedicating the band's sets to her, one of his friends recording the videos for their youtube page while she was locked away in her room. Eddie knew he was fucked, he was falling head over heels for a girl he'd only met last year, but it didn't matter, in his mind, he'd known her a whole fucking life time. Even his friends hyped her up for the way she defended him and didn't leave the scene. His uncle felt bad for her, he said he'd known her mom when she their age and she'd really taken a turn. However, his uncle felt that what Julie had done meant a hell of alot more than what most would have done considering it was Eddie. That was all the reassurance he needed to have to know that she was the one.

At the same time as he was coming to realize this, the band was looking for a way in and while he was sure he could multitask, his focus had always been getting out of Hawkins. Now he had to account for an extra stowaway, which he didn't have a problem with at all.

#eddie munson #joseph quinn #stranger things #2000s au

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lollytea · 2 years ago

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miss lolly i never thought id say these words but. i want the young sheldon spoilers (if nothing else id expect fucking ATOMIC retconning/continuity issues)

So the whole point of this show was to wring all the comedy potential out of the premise of taking Sheldon and making him an 8 year old prodigy attending highschool in 1980s Texas. Unfortunately they forgot to add the comedy part. But. Yknow. It was standard television. I always get annoyed when I see people trashing on young sheldon when I know they've never actually watched it because they're not trashing it for the right reasons. Its not bad for the reasons you'd expect. Its bad because its boring. It is so SO boring. Its insane how boring and mundane it is. Its a show revolving around baby bazinga but they managed to make it so mild numbingly underwhelming.

But....I would say that the first few seasons were probably the strongest. it was never particularly outlandish. Just basic slice-of-life stuff yknow? Every episode just revolved around Sheldon having some miniscule problem and blowing it way out of proportion. His family were mostly supporting characters, written for the sake of dealing with how eccentric Sheldon is. He's got an overly religious mom, a surprisingly level-headed dad, a snarky grandma, a dumbass teenage brother and a sassy twin sister.

This was the era of it being Sheldon's world and we're all living in it.

However it is currently 6 seasons in and here's a run-down of what's currently happening.

So during season 4 (or maybe 5 I have forgotten the order of events) the family begins financially struggling, which is only made worse when Dad gets fired from his job. I think there was this gradual build of tension between Mom and Dad across the season until they eventually blow up at each other in a big nasty fight and Dad admits that he's deeply unsatisfied with the way his life has turned out, including his marriage and family. Then he storms off to the bar where he starts drinking with his recently divorced female next door neighbour.

The season ends on a cliffhanger to lead the audience to believe he's gonna cheat on his wife. He doesn't. But he and ms neighbour both consider it. Which leads to the most insufferable plot point that they refuse to let go of for two more seasons, so he's probably gonna sleep with her eventually. He feels guilty for considering it. She does too. Which leads to them avoiding each other, having secret little rendezvous where they talk about how guilty they feel for considering it, lots of awkward sexual tension undertones. I'm so sick of it I hope he hurries up and cheats on his wife so this shit can end.

MEANWHILE there's the other slow building infidelity subplot with Sheldon's uptight Christian mom who believes everything is a sin. So she works at her local church and they happen to hire a new pastor. And after a few episodes of becoming closer friends, Sheldon's mom starts having sex dreams about him. Also he is like over a decade younger than her. This is another subplot that has been dragging on for over a season I am so tired. I need her to know this pastor carnally already I can't take this anymore.

But the most utterly batshit morally reprehensible plotpoint that is currently happening is whatever Sheldon's dumbass teenage brother's got going on. So basically, he's currently 17. He met this 29 year old woman, lied to her and said he was in his 20s so he could fuck her. Which he did. Then his grandma found out and bullied him into telling her the truth. Which he did. And she was understandably horrified because why the fuck WOULDNT she be?? And she makes it very clear that she never wants to see his face again.

That's when she learns that she's pregnant. And considering she's working as a waitress, doesn't have a lot of money, eventually gets evicted from her apartment and is cut off from her parents, the show forces her into a position where she has to depend on Sheldon's Dumbass Brother and his family for support. They kinda make her situation and dynamic with him into a joke?? Like she hates him and wants nothing to do with him and is trying to keep him at arms length throughout the course of her pregnancy, while the narrative frames him as this sweet charming attentive boy who just wants to help her and be a good dad to their future baby, and he's still constantly treating her as his girlfriend, giving her cheek kisses and calling her pet names etc. Basically she's kinda roped into integrating into Sheldon's family unit. Like it's trying to play off her growing relationships with them as cute and wholesome, while not really acknowledging that she has no other option but to depend on these people and it's still very VERY nonchalant about the extremity of how Dumbass Teenage Brother has wronged her. She's gradually beginning to warm up to him again and it's. Ew.

Oh and also she's being constantly guilted and pressured into marrying him before the baby is born because Sheldon's mom, who wants to know the 25 year old pastor carnally, is very insistent about the baby not being born out of wedlock. Its a mess.

Oh and also Sheldon's grandma and dumbass teenage brother also run an illegal gambling den behind a laundermat. I forgot that part.

And Sheldon is....also there. He hasn't seemed to notice that his whole family is falling apart yet. Most of his subplots remain just as low stakes as they were 6 seasons ago. He gets a 98% on a test and beefs with the teacher about it. I think the writers are sick of him at this point.

AND, with all these deranged plot points in mind, the show STILL manages to be so so SO fucking boring. I don't know how but they manage it.

#heres young sheldon lore

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airic-fenn · 1 year ago

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Only If You Think I Am.

Sometimes I remember the temp employee at my old high school job who offered to buy me lunch since I forgot my wallet, and then asked immediately after we sat down if I was mixed. I mean, he was right, but it was a very uncomfortable first question to be asked by a complete stranger.

But it was also one of the many instances that gets me thinking about how weird it is to be mixed race and also racially ambiguous.

Whether or not I’m perceived as a person of color depends entirely upon who is doing the perceiving, and even when and where in the world they’re doing it. Am I in the southern US, or Colorado? Am I in Europe? Is it summertime and I’ve developed a tan, or is it the dead of winter?

Some people dont bat an eye, other people look at me curiously, knowing I am something but they’re just not quite sure what.

One curious man jumped to the proud assumption I must be Turkish, instead of letting me finish explaining that my mom was only born there because her dad was stationed there once.

In France at New Years, my penpal’s friend made a joke about slavery, then laughed and assumed that if I was offended, its because I’m White.

And all of my experiences like these leave me wondering, where do I put myself?

A friend once admitted to me that in middle school when we were covering slavery in class, he had watched me closely to see my reactions to it, because at the time I was just about the most diverse that school got.

The funny part is back then I was barely aware of being mixed race, other than that my Opa is Black. I was just me, and that was just how my family was.

I didn’t really have Black friends growing up (re: very un-diverse schools and neighborhood). Though, my mom would tell stories about how as a kid, she’d get teased and called an “oreo cookie” and blatant questions from her cousins like “what are you?” She’d mention how she would code switch with them, and try to act extra Black with them because otherwise she wasnt Black enough.

But she didn’t talk about race, or how any of it might apply to me. She stuck with the facts: I was mixed. And that was it.

And so I grew up with little understanding of what that meant until I reached high school. I was sheltered, oblivious, surrounded almost entirely by Whiteness and barely aware that people might, sometimes, treat me differently.

That temp worker back at that job of mine was the first time I had considered that people might.

But because I am caught in this limbo, I will never know for sure. Unless they say it out loud, I am left to wonder whether someone is just being angry and rude, or if they’re pulling a racism.

Generally, I give the benefit of the doubt. And why shouldn’t I, when I often barely know for sure how to perceive myself? I’m just me.

Race feels like a concept thrust upon me. Am I

☑️ White/Caucasian?

☑️ Black/African American?

If I’m given the option, I’ll fill in “Other.” But I’m rarely given the option to fill in both.

The problem with being asked to respond with one or the other is that singularly neither feels right. I’d be lying.

I know a lot of mixed folks identify with being Black. I’m not sure I can no, I’m not sure I’m allowed to, even if I probably, maybe could. Because I get caught up in my own questions and fears of “am I Black enough?”

“What even makes someone Black?”

“Sure, the color of your skin, but its also a culture, its experiences.”

“But isnt it reductive to reduce a person’s identity down to whether they’ve been marginalized?”

“Even if I identified as Black, wouldnt that be perpetuating old racist concepts like the one drop rule?” (And if I think long and hard enough about that, I inevitably fall down the rabbit hole and start thinking about how if I couldn’t or wouldn’t consider myself indigenous despite my great-grandmother, why is it acceptable to identify as Black? Even though, technically, I understand the messed up history of why of both).

I’m never able to answer these questions.

But at the same time, identifying as White would feel like I’m rejecting an entire side of myself. Like I’m trying to hide my Opa.

So, I make myself stop thinking about it for a while, and settle back down on just being “mixed.” Its an answer no one can deny, or tell me that I’m wrong.

And as a result, I find myself approaching prying questions or opportunities reserved for BIPOC folks with varying levels of confidence.

“Do you identify as Black, Indigenous, or other Person of Color?”

Yes. Sometimes. Maybe?

Only if you think I am.

#dont mind me I’m just once against faced with impossible questions #biracial #writing

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gam3rsuar5sr3x · 6 months ago

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amen. i dont think i might send anymore bible verses cause i dont think i should become a teacher at all cause scripters say the things we teach jesus judge us by strictly and with greater strictness than others.

but i will say that he is real and ill never forget the bible verses i shared.

@metakazkz was one guy i shared it to. hes the one who made the abysstale and moonside comics, of course ill admit i admired him too much to the point of putting his au in my take on dustfell (witch i think i,m at a possablility to quit because i saw a video on judgement day that scared me ill explain later) but to all my christian friends. my pastor did pray for me sence i had wierd ocd like thoughts like "i,m this person" or that person and it was usally about fictional characters like some of them were from undertale stuff and from roblox piggy like the abysstale frisk and sans and alphys (and i didnt want them cause i thought it was making me out to claim it and i refused cause my identity is in christ not in fictional characters) and plus evolution isnt biblical, and he told me that the lord told him that i was listening and watching some dark things that open up the door to demons and i had to cut off certian things and i first thought it was undertale but i kept listening to it until i saw a youtube short on a rebellious girl going to hell, and it scared me cause it had a scene from a movie of her out of body expierence and it was her in an ambulance and then shes in hell screaming (not burning but probably going to somewhere where she would burn) and laying down and it shows us shes screaming as she slowly gose into an area in her torment area and it scared the MESS out of me for some reason cause all i saw was her going somewhere and her screaming, i dont know what part of it scared me but i dont wanna see it ever again cause of how scary it was. but in the end i cut off undertale music and the entire genre of undertale and aus as a whole out of fear of going to hell, then i began repenting everyday just to make myself "clean" incase id die one of my nights on earth cause our lives could end in a flash and tomorrow isnt garunteed then i made it to sunday by the grace of god, and in the end i go from cutting it off without any problem of doing so to being greived by the fact i might have to cut it off and never enjoy undertale and its genre ever again, and not just undertale and aus but also piggy and the reading moonside comic with metakaz. but then that fear where i have to get clean from sin before dying went away and everytime i,m outside my room out my house i,m always thinking id wanna go enjoy undertale and aus and piggy and moonside comic (witch is fnaf fan so thats why i also wouldnt wanna read it) but whenever i go back into my room or am in my room i would have that tired feeling and irretated a bit like i shouldnt do it, so i told this to my mom and she asked if this was some religous spirit on me. to me it probably could have been cause i think "i gotta get clean or i,m going to hell" whenever i repent and in doing so i think i made the mistake of trusting in my works to get right with god, and she told me that it wasnt like i was trying to rebel against god whenever i listen to that stuff unless gods trying to call me away from it to show me something about or saying "hey come here". so i went along with the same thing she said and said it to myself as well. but of course she said that was as long as i put jesus first and by first we mean our priority cause the lord should be priority, as a result i still enjoyed it (probably too much) but i had a tendancy cut off undertale and piggy and moonside comic ect from time to time as well as waiting for a week or longer until i can finally go back to it (though i did during those weeks think of undertale and all that stuff). then i saw videos on judgement day and it really scared me cause the main character who got judged had sin of divorce and adultry but what had me back in the fear is that he justified his sin. it scared me cause i,m looking back at what i said saying "its not like i,m trying to rebel against god when i enjoy it its only when it becomes an idol" and i probably think i did go that far and shoudlnt have, it scared me and now i feel like by saying all that i think and feel as if i was trying justifying it as sin and got exposed.

Episode 1572/1758. The Scripture art series from Revelation to Genesis.

#jesus #bible #faith #christianity #christian #blessed #god #quotes #book #books #inspiration #photography #love #life #heaven #holy spirit

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dreamsy990 · 2 years ago

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Soooo like... Rudy is def gonna die before the end of deltarune right? I mean. Yeah sure it'll be. Traumatizing or whatever. But theres way too much, what's the phrase... narrative momentum to be gained for toby to NOT do it y'know? In fact I could go on a whole rant about how I'm pretty sure Rudy KNOWS hes gonna die and is prepping susie to be a replacing support beam in noelles life. (See also: "Kris and Dad are the only ones I can say no to") and the SNOWGRAVE INPLICATIONS. ANOTHER RANT ON ITS OWN!! Anyways your thoughts?

consider: rudy isnt gonna die and toby just made it look like he was to make it shocking when he didnt die by the end

but seriously, i think rudy dying is PROBABLY going to happen, but i kind of hope it doesnt. noelle's home life is garbage and i get it honestly. like, rudy blantly says that he's not there to protect noelle from carol (idk if thats her name but ive been calling noelles mom that soooo), implying that she can and WILL hurt noelle, and has almost definitely done that in the past (emotionally, probably not physically). noelle has a TEXTBOOK broken home and i really hope the game ends with her out of that house or with a confirmation that her mom isn't going to hurt her anymore, because oh my god her situation is terrible. her sister is either dead or out of the picture, her father is in the hospital and probably going to die soon, and she has a most likely emotionally abusive mom.

oh yeah her mom is almost definitely emotionally abusive like. as someone whos been in a similar situation to her, just her being too scared to ask for a key to get into her own home and preferring to go OUT OF HER WAY to stay with someone else than ask for something is a textbook sign of it. rudy says that he has to protect her from carol. noelle is upset that it's just "her and mom" now, and while that's clearly meant to be referring to how rudy isnt at home, its also probably a hint that she doesnt like being alone with her mom. she's also just a people pleaser, implying she's afraid of the consequences of not being seen as "good". whether that's because of a fear of reputation her mom mightve given her, or an avoidance of conflict she's developed after living with her for a while i cant really say. ALSO YOUR POINT OF "kris and dad are the only ones i can say no to" NOTICE HOW SHE SAYS 'dad' and not 'my parents' BECAUSE YEAH HER MOTHER IS EXCLUDED.

no matter how you slice it noelle's home life is just terrible and rudy and dess seemed to be the only reason it was functional for as long as it was. and with dess out of the picture and rudy probably going to follow, i dont have very high hopes for their relationship. i really hope toby handles this well, and the story doesn't end with noelle and carol living alone together. i also dont hope it ends with rudy, dess, or both back in the house with her, because their household isnt sustainable. as someone who's lived in a house like this, it's going to break down one way or another. dess and rudy cant always be there to defuse situations, and they shouldnt HAVE to.

the ending i want is for carol and rudy to split up, and have rudy live with noelle without her. carol may be a good wife and a good mayor but she is not a good mother, and i don't want noelle to be stuck in a house like that.

i may be misjudging carol because we haven't seen her in the game yet, but i just. dont think she's going to be any good. this game definitely seems like its going for giving all their characters bad home lives. like,

-kris's brother is away, their mom seems a bit overbearing and like she's not quite sure what kris needs, and their dad, while caring, isn't the best at. being a parent.

-susie so far has been implied to have some sort of shitty home life but we're not quite sure of the type. we know she's always hungry, but whether thats because of negligence and potentially fear to get food on her own or financial problems is unknown.

-ralsei's been alone his whole life, so his family is just. out of the picture. he's completely isolated and if his parents were around for at least a little, i dont think they were very good.

-berdly felt like he needed to be smart to be recognized, implying that his family might just not care that much about him or really pay attention to him.

it's a theme of this game for characters to have weird or bad home lives and i dont think noelle would be an exception. so yeah, her mom is probably emotionally abusive. with all the evidence in game and just. generally how all the mcs have bad home lives i think its the most likely situation.

back to actually talking about rudy though, yeah he's probably going to die. i really hope he doesnt, because while realistically things dont always work out, having rudy there and maybe moving out with her would definitely make it better. it just feels uncomfortable for her to be stuck in a household like that.

noelle is kind of lonely too. like, her sister is gone, kris and her grew apart, and berdly is really fucking flirty, and probably not that close with her really, since she doesn't include him in the group of people she can say no to.

noelle's list of people she can say no to is just kris and rudy. that's it. her estranged childhood best friend and her dad. not berdly, seemingly her only current friend and the one she's probably the closest with out of the whole class, or susie, her crush (although that might just be because it was before they really started to understand each other more as people and really be friends). her list of people who "know how weird she is" is just kris. not even her dad is included. the only person who might be missing on both of those lists is dess, and she's just out of the picture and thats probably why shes not included.

so as to the idea of rudy trying to set up susie as an emotional support for noelle, yeah i think he'd do that. he definitely has seen that noelle's running low on people she relies on and wants her to have someone else in her life. he really encourages her to get to know susie and just be honest with her. it's cute and wholesome and just. a good dad moment. he's a great father, or at least one who's trying his best. a top tier dad.

i do think thematically that rudy is going to die. its set up that way from the very start, and i think its sort of being hinted at. like, noelle remarks that the dark world is better because 'everything can be healed with a little spell', implying that rudy's in too bad of a state to recover very easily, and "your choices dont matter" could also be saying something like "no matter what you do, he's going to die". idk thats just my take.

but i really dont want this game to end with noelle and carol alone. i've lived in families like that and it's horrible, and it just feels uncomfortable and bad that noelle's stuck in a situation like that. i want carol to have an arc where she starts being a better parent and actually trying, but more importantly i want noelle not to forgive her. abusive parents can change as people but they cant change what they did. noelle's mom has hurt her and she shouldn't just be forgiven immediately. she needs to make an effort, and noelle doesn't even have to forgive her after that. she deserves to have a home life where she's not so afraid to ask for a key to her own house that she goes to stay with a friend instead. get noelle out of that house, or have carol change.

i realize that i talked way more about noelle and carol in a post about rudy, but honestly i relate a lot to noelle's situation and i dont want her to be stuck in a life like that. its bad and i want toby to handle it well. if the game ends where i think it will, with noelle still living at home alone with carol, maybe with dess there, i'll just be sad. like girl, get out of that HOME!!!!!!! it's toxic as SHIT

also i know that some people are going to say "oh her mom isnt trying to hurt her, maybe she just did [x] and thats why noelle is how she is." to which i say, not all abusers have malicious intent. maybe shes just doing it because thas how she was raised and she turned out fine, or maybe she's just kind of negligent and doesnt pay enough attention to noelle to realize how she's being hurt, or maybe its something else entirely. but no matter what her intentions are, its still abuse, and whether she likes it or not, she's hurt the only daughter she has left. the truth is we don't know all the details of what's going on, and we probably won't know for a long time, or maybe ever. but no matter what, this relationship isn't healthy, and it doesn't matter what everyone's trying to do, all that matters is what they did do. and what carol did was emotionally abuse her daughter.

anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk. also the deltarune ending i HOPE happens is rudy gets out of the hospital, gets a divorce and marries asgore, then goes and moves out with noelle. thats only half a joke.

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cummingforkylo · 3 years ago

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Hey man why are you being so mean to yourself saying things like "shut the fuck up" when you're talking about extremely traumatic things. Like bro you immediately apologize for your mom and excuse her over and over and over for treating you like absolute dog shit.

I'm sorry I literally don't give a fuck what her problem was at the time, she BRUTALLY, and I mean **BRUTALLY** abused you. None of that is okay. It's really interesting to me that you make sure the person reading that post knows your mom is like, totally okay now. Who, exactly, are you trying to convince? Us? Or yourself?

Additionally, have you ever gotten therapy? Like. You are blaming yourself, telling yourself how stupid you are, how you can't do xyz, telling yourself shut the fuck up... Bro you're literally suffering from trauma. I'd bet my life savings you have PTSD, if you haven't already been diagnosed. The fact that you couch this extremely horrific tale in "is it abuse?" makes me believe you've never talked about it been validated by this experience ever in your life, or if you have, it's not been often.

(I'd be willing to bet, also, that you're not actually bad at math. I bet, in fact, you're perfectly capable of it. But all of those circumstances surrounding math make it difficult for your brain to parse those signals. It has nothing to do with your capabilities.)

If you haven't talked to someone like a trauma therapist, I'd seriously consider it. A lot of people go through a lot of their lives thinking they have persistent depression and severe anxiety which like, sure, but the root is trauma. Might help to get that looked at.

I'm so sorry you went through those things as a child. It wasn't your fault, and you deserve love and compassion now, especially from yourself.

I’ve gone to therapy and talked about my mom some but i think a lot of it I didnt talk about specifically because i found myself like…constantly defending her to my therapist instead of just talking and it’s probably not because i want to excuse what she did. After years of blaming myself(even more than I already do?) i finally in the last like five years have been able to admit that it was her being abusive and not me being a difficult child. It took my brothers looking at me once and being like, “no, there was a period of our childhood that was straight up…bad.” for me to even recognize that all these times in my memory werent just like…me being a bratty kid and my mom dealing with me. And I think why whenever i talk about that stuff i have to like convince people she’s good now is because i’ve watched her change and i love her and have forgiven her for some of that stuff because i want to have a good relationship with her, and I do. But unfortunately in forgiving her i havent done nearly enough work to heal any of my shit about it.

I’m also constantly scared that even though what I talk about are literally just the memories I have that I have somehow exaggerated everything in my mind and i’m just bullshitting this. Like I KNOW these things happened, i have literal memories of it but even as I write them out I feel like I MUST be exaggerating because i’ve never talked specifics with my brothers and neither of them had it as bad as me.

I wouldnt be surprised if I have PTSD but i’ve never talked to a trauma therapist. My last therapist ghosted me so i’ve been very apprehensive to actually find someone again but you’re probably right. Talking to someone would probably help a lot of things.

It’s difficult, all of it, because I hate what happened to me and I’m upset about how challenging it has made some of this stuff in my life but I don’t hate her and I wouldnt want anyone to think less of her? Even if she deserves it in a lot of way. I dont know.

I reaally appreciate your message. It means a lot to reach out and offer real advice and such thoughtful words. I wish I was on here more so it didnt seem like I come to drop depression bombs and then just dip. It’s not what I intended this silly blog for.

💕

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violetnotez · 5 years ago

Text

Actions Are Louder Than Words- Pro Hero! Deku x Reader

So Im currently StruGgling through a Bakugo fic rn, which Im so mad about...so here’s a quick Deku rewrite of mine until I post that fic!

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2500+

Warnings: mentions of wounds

Summary: Izuku comes to your home mysteriously one night, injured and in his hero suit- and you’re the only one who can fix him up.

One Shot

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

For some reason, your room was extremely hot.

It made sense, in the middle of July, but you hated it. Your clothes stuck to your body like glue, making every movement feel sticky and humid.

You had decided to go to sleep at a late time, hoping that maybe when the sun went down, the coolness of night would suppress itself into your room.

You had opened up your window just a little to help with that, which brought the sounds of the city to your room. You were on the 4th level of your apartment complex, so the sounds weren’t so loud that you couldn’t stand it. You looked out, feeling a luke warm breeze, imagining your best friend, Izuku Midoriya, doing his daily hero rounds, that infectiously warm grin plastered on his face. You smiled to yourself.You secretly loved Izuku, every since he told you about One For All. The fact he trusted you with something so important, and finding out he was the one doing all those good deeds pushed your over the edge. You had began to like him before that moment, because of his sweet and respectful demeanor (not to mention he was extremely attractive), but you were in the awkward of stage of where you didn’t know where your heart stood. But now, it knew exactly where it wanted to be: standing next to Izuku.

You sighed, feeling reality sink in. Izuku would never go out with you, you thought. Izuku was too good for you- you were his loyal best friend, nothing more, nothing less.

This thought made your chest throb, but you would get over heartache. You always did.

You left the window open, the curtains billowing slightly in the warm breeze. You crawled into your sheets, feeling the soft cool of the material, knowing that they would soon turn warm due to your body heat. You thought, drowsy from staying up so late now, that it would be best to go to sleep soon, and with that, a wave of slumber took over your body.

You felt as if you had slept for 10 minutes when you abruptly woke up to a loud crash in your room. You jumped up in your bed, feeling your shirt sleeve slip down from your sleep sluggish body. You looked around for the source of the noise, fear clawing your stomach in an iron grip. You almost screamed, but your throat closed in from terror. There was a dark outline of a body on the floor, looking like it jumped into your room from the open window. You stared at it, not believing what had just happened. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness, hearing the cars below you honk and the engines whir.

You began spotting details: a gloved hand, red boots, teal fabric… “Deku?” You asked thickly, your voice sounding groggy from your nap.

The body pushed itself off the floor, laying itself against your dresser.The person sighed in relief, looking at you with huge eyes that glinted in the street’s warm light from below.

“Hi y/n,” the person chuckled nervously, the voice immediately soundly like Midoriya when he was flustered.

You heard a grimace in his voice as he grabbed his side.“Izuku!? Are you okay!?” you asked in shock, feeling way more awake than before. This was one of your worst fears- him getting hurt. It was bound to happen, with all the shady characters he’s always fighting, but you couldn’t bear the thought of Izuku getting attacked- or worse.

“Yeah Im fine- just- mmph- got a little scratch, nothing bad, Im fine...please don’t worry-.”

You jumped up , tearing the sheets away from you. You crouched next to Izuku, seeing the light scratches littering his face, illuminated from the streetlights below.

“If you were fine, you wouldnt be in my room.” you replied with a sad smile, trying to keep your voice down in order to not wake up your neighbors.

You freaked out inside- Izuku Midoriya was in your room, hurt, but in full hero gear. Izuku Midoriya. Had to be in your room. Your crush. You felt the heat rise in your face, cursing yourself for always acting like some love sick school girl around him.

“I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t want to put you in any danger on purpose, its just I needed a quick escape, and I just saw that your window was open, so I-

”“Jumped in?” you finished his sentence.

“Yeah- something like that,” he laughed quietly, looking slightly at the floor, but laughing seem to be too excruciating because he made another painful grunt.

“Izuku,” you pleaded, losing your weak joking manner, “what happened? Where are your hurt?”

“No, no, I’m fine!” he insisted, looking at you with fear, failing at convincing you.

You gave him a look that clearly showed you didnt believe a single thing that had just came out of his mouth.

“Izuku,” you told him sternly, “tell me. Please.”

“Im okay I swea-”

“I swear to God Izuku Mirdoriya if you say your ‘fine’, which your clearly not, I will call your mom.”

You knew the last person he wanted to drag into this was his mother, and you didn't want to either. She was a sweet woman, but extremely overprotective of Izuku, for all the right reasons. You knew Izuku didn’t want to worry her, and even though you felt a little guilty for being unable to tell his mom all the things she should probably know that happens to Midoriya, you couldn't bring yourself to break your unspoken promise.

You didn’t want to play the “Mom” card on him, but you could tell Midoriya was in alot of pain- anything you could help him with, you were going to do it. Whether he admitted to it or not.

“No y/n, please,” Izuku said quickly, fear suffocating his voice. Guilt rose in your stomach, but you shoved it down as he asked, “you wouldn’t, right?”

“Izuku…” you sighed as you hugged your knees to yourself. You didnt want to- but there was a considerable difference between want and need.“You know I wouldn’t tell her unless I needed to- if your hurt only a little, we can fix it- but if you need medical attention, of course Im telling her. But for right now-if youll be quiet and let me help you-I wont say a word to her.” you added the last part as a slight joke, smiling so Izuku knew you weren’t trying to intentionally be mean.

He chuckled, stating softly, “You always are the one that wants to fix me up.”

“It’s what I do best,” you smiled.“Alrightie Deku-lets check the damage.”

You quickly changed the subject, seeing that you had brought Izuku’s wall down and you could easily sneak in to get to what you needed to do.

Izuku sighed hesitantly, stilling holding his side. He raised his hand slowly, showing a cut in the side of his suit, the fabric fraying back. You gulped, suppressing panic, and this time, anger.Who could do this to Izuku? YOUR Izuku?

You quickly got up to reach for your nightstand, feeling Izuku’s eyes follow you. You grabbed your phone, bringing the flashlight to its brightest level. You were focused and nervous at the same time, your hands trembling at the thought of touching Midoriya.You sat back down in front of him, pointing the light at his chest. You didn’t look at the angry gash across his chest, but at those big green eyes that somehow always make your heart stop beating.

“Is it-okay-if I….” you stumbled, nerves coming through thickly in your voice.

“Sure,” Midoriya replied an octave too high. He cleared his throat, trying again. “I mean-yeah yeah, go for it….”

You smiled to yourself, thinking how much of a cute dork Midoriya was, even when he was injured.

Even though Izuku was hurt, he could only focus on you. He felt comfortable with you, but extremely nervous. He never had a girl so close to him before, especially one he liked- the “like like” kind. He hated himself for thinking it was a good idea coming into your room at 1 in the morning, dragging you into his problem, and the fact he was actually, in some ways, enjoying this- you giving him your full attention, the feeling of your hands brushing his skin- made him shiver in the best way possible.Your hand shook as you gingerly reached to pull back the ripped fabric on his chest, while the other held the flashlight as steady as you could.

“Tell me if I do anything to make it hurt, Kay?” You instructed.

Izuku simply nodded, and you braced yourself for the worst.

Your expression was as if made of steel, determined and persistent.You gently drew the teal fabric away more , showing more skin. The slit of fabric was a clean one-it was hard to see what was under. All you could really make out was bruising and a cut-but couldn’t really assess the damage.

“I can’t see anything- the cut is too covered in the suit,” you exhaled as you moved away from Izuku, making him feel almost cold without your hand on his side.You looked at him, hoping he couldn’t see the red rising in your face. You had just thought of a solution to your problem, but didn’t know how Izuku would take it.

“So-I’m gonna grab a first aid kit- but I’m gonna need you to-um,” you cleared your throat, nerves coating your throat like a thick film, “I need to you to-take off.. the suit-“You wanted to kick yourself for actually saying this out loud. You sounded stupid! Asking him to take his suit off! This was too intimate, too weird for your relationship dynamic- but you secretly hated yourself more for wanting it to happen.

You panicked, trying to revise what you had just said, “You don’t have to take off the whole suit- just to your waist-you seriously don’t have to do this, I don’t even know why I said it, we could figure something else out-“

“I’ll do it,” He interjected quietly, looking straight at you, making your heart jump.

Izuku was terrified to say the least at the thought of showing his bare chest to you, but- he liked the feeling of your skin on his. It felt like such an adrenaline rush. He was intoxicated by the feeling- it was like everything was at peace with the world as his skin tingled with a charged energy he couldn't describe.

“It’s better if we do it like this,” he added, “If I have to go to a hospital, it’ll be all over the press tomorrow. I dont really care to see myself all beaten up on the news,” He smiled weakly, attempting at making the mood lighter so you wouldn't feel as nervous..

“Okay,” you exhaled, smiling back, relieved Izuku didnt take anything you said the wrong way, “if you say so.”

You stood up, trying to avoid Izuku’s gaze.“I’m going to go get the first aid stuff, and you just-” You waved your hand around Izuku, motioning up and down at his body. “So- yeah,” you added in a nervous laugh, brushing your hair away from your face.

He smiled at your obvious flusteredness, grateful he wasn’t the only one.

Walking to your connected bathroom, your head swarmed with doubt.Maybe- this was a bad idea. Maybe he should go to the hospital- he could be really injured and you both would never know until it was too late. But… Izuku didn’t want anybody to know… and you promised you would help him until he needed actual medical attention. Worst comes to worst you could call All Might- he’d know what to do. Until then, you’d take care of Midoriya yourself.

You entered your bathroom, and rummaged in your cabinets until you found a white plastic case with a large red cross emblem on the front. You grabbed the handle, pulling it close to you and tiptoed out of the room, praying your neighbors didn’t hear you from the other side of the hallway.

Izuku was in the same position as you left him, except that his suit was gathered around his navel. You could make out Midoriya’s bare shoulder, a shadow in the dim glow of the streetlights below. You quickly looked down, feeling heat rise to your face, not knowing what to do.

You sat back next to Midoriya, rummaging in the box, trying not to look at him. You never really thought of it, but Midoriya was super fit. Like- to the point that you wondered how the hell someone could have so much muscle. Midoriya was built extremely thin and lanky- how was that even possible?!

Your cheeks instantly got redder.

“You alright?” Midoriya asked sweetly, making your pulse jump up.

“Yeah, Im fine- actually I should be asking you that, youre the one with the injury,” you stated, trying to keep your voice under control as you looked for stuff- god, you were a mess right now.

“Im fine if youre fine,” he answered innocently, giving you a reassuring smile which made you think you couldnt love him even more- he was injured, and he was making sure you were okay.

God why was he such a good person?!

You gave a small smile thanking him.

”Thanks,” you said, as you tied your bed hair back.“Im sorry I cant turn on any lights, I just dont want my annoying neighbors complaining about me again, there honestly crazy…”

“Oh, youre good!” he whispered, “Just- thanks for doing this for me. You really dont have to do-”

“Midoriya, please, you literally cant walk.” you stated sarcastically, knowing full well Izuku could probably take the pain but you werent letting him go home over your dead body.

“Thats true,” he chuckled, wincing again from the pain. You went to touch him, not knowing what to do to leviate the pain- except, fix it.

“Alright, we need to see what’s wrong- ready?” you asked hesitantly, trying to sound strong.

Midoriya nodded his head, a determined look on his face.

“Ready.”

----------------

Requests open!!!

#bnha #bnha hc #bnha x reader #deku x reader #bnha deku x reader #deku hc #deku #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku hc #bnha izuku x reader #mha izuku x reader #midoriya x reader #midoriya x you #bnha midoriya x reader #bnha izuku midoriya x reader

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mousehole5000 · 4 years ago

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tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” - i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!!#anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 5 years ago

Text

What You Deserve

A/N- This is not actually part of the story, its a unused story that I spent a couple weeks writing so I didnt have the heart to delete it although I scrapped it from the original story line. So please know that I did use some of these scenes in my rewrite.

Summary- 5.7k Curtis Evertt and Y/N. Early Years. You sit with a dying member of the train and listen to her talk about her late husband, and the idea of Soulmates crosses your mind. Do they exist?

Warnings- Death, Almost a Non Con situation. Curtis having doubts that hes good enough. Boom, got them all I think.

You sat with the older woman, Sheri for some time that day, perched on the end of her bunk, one leg folded underneath you and one dangling over the edge, her hand interlaced with your own. Sheri was dying your mother informed you that morning, and you simply couldnt let her pass off all alone. Your fingers interlaced with hers in that moment, yours young soft and supple, to her knobby jointed ones, age spots sprinkled across what felt like paper thin softness, like you press to hard it would fall apart. Every now and then a weak wet cough would spring forth, and you would lean forward to pat her mouth softly of any spittle that happened to escape. It was the least you could do for her, try to let her keep her dignity.

“Child, you shouldnt be here watching this.” Sheri would sputter, hazy eyes narrowing at you, knowing you wouldnt leave even if she was to send you away.

You shrugged, and resettled the blankets. “Where else would I go Sheri? Mom and Dad have everything all set in the medic bay, and I got lonely. Who better to keep me company?”

She snorted and coughed once more, raising her hand to wipe at her mouth before you could. “Hmmm, well Curtis comes to mind.”

You blush a bit and look away, which she grinned seeing your lovesick reaction. “Uh huh... Sheri, hes just a friend. And hes got better things to do. Like getting ready with McGregor.” Sheri rolled her eyes at you, and shifted to make herself more comfortable. “Child, ive see the way you two look at one another. I might be old, Im not blind. If you two would just admit your feelings are more then friends, then who knows. Might be the best thing you ever experience. I remember when I told Nathan how I felt. He was all stumbling over his words, spilling it as well.”

You chuckle at her memory, remembering Nathan well when you first came on the train, he was fiercly protective of his wife, and doted on Sheri, loved her with his last breath. You encourage her to speak more of her past, how Nathan and her had a whirlwind romance that ended with the two of them eloping. How when her father found out, he banned her from the house, and the first home she shared with Nathan was nothing more then a room with a bathroom, it was all they needed to start. “It got better, he was accepted to a university, and worked as a janitor at night, I was a waitress in a small off the interstate diner, along with babysitting. It was hard, but we appreciated all that we had.” Sheris eyes slipped closed and she mumbled. “Okay, Im gonna nap now, come back later Y/N, and we will talk some more.” the womans head tipped to the side, and you stayed long enough to be sure she was sleeping.

Drawing your way out, you are sure to slide the curtain closed for her privacy, and start making another round to see to other people, chat with them, just see if they need anything in general. You dont notice the wandering eyes following you, weaving through the people till you got to a quiter part of the tail end. You didnt notice, not until its to late when an arm shoots out in front of you, making you pause momentarily as it blocked you. “What the... Eric, what do you want?” You try to duck under his arm, but the mans grasp on your arm pauses you. A glance his way showed a handsome young man, blond locks curling around green eyes, that glinted coldly at you, and he firmly without any choice of your own backed you against the wall. “See youve been playing little home nurse again Y/N”

“Just helping mom and dad, can you please let go?” You try tugging your arm from his grasp and his other hand came up to your face to trace the curve, obviously not ready to loosen his hold, for whatever reason you would clam up around him, your heart fluttering and your breath quickening. Some would think it was innocent attraction. But it was more fear of what he would eventually do to you if given the chance.

“When you going to let me kiss you huh? I dont see why you keep fighting me on this.” He hovered closer, his breath washing over your face and you wrinkle your nose at it. It was hot and sour to you, you tried to pull back but there was no where else to go, so the back of your head would thump against the cold metal wall.

“Im not, I dont want to and you cant change my mind.” You wriggle once more trying to get him to stop digging into your arm. “So how about you go find one of the other girls? I know there are plenty who want to be with you.”

“To easy, I rather like the one who denies me” His voice dropped deeper, making you panic sightly. His eyes, you hated the way he would stare at you, following you from wherever he was, like you were a prize to be had. "I figured it's about time I change your mind about it though." You strain out of his touch on your face and go to push against his chest to stumble him back.

"I said no! Fuck no would I ever be with you, let alone kiss you" you snap at him, turning to leave, put distance between you two, back in a crowd. Eric was to coward to try to anything with people around. He snarled though, wrapping an arm around you.

Effectively he pinned your arms helpless and your back against your chest, falling back harder then you expected, making you helpless, his hand clasped over your mouth, effectively muffling any protests you had. "What you think your to good for someone like me sweetheart. If your good enough to get Curtis's dick wet, think you can mine as well without this much of a fight." Your eyes widened at his words. I haven't, were not, stop... Your panic is washing over you, and he manipulated your head to fall back to his shoulder, lemmegolemmegolemmego, you try twisting out. Then he pressed his face in your neck, and bit you, what started as a sloppy kiss turned into a bruising bite, screaming at the shock of pain and you try kicking him hard enough in the leg behind you to drop him. The tread of your boot slid down the inside of his leg, and he pushed you away from him to crash you against the trains wall, hard enough to bounce you off, making you groan from the harsh impact.

Erics hand whipped you around, effectively pinning you with his body. No way to leverage a kick again, and hands pinned your arms down to keep from attacking. "Fucken shit head!" Your voice raised into yelling at him, where was everyone? It was eerily quiet and no one around, he smirked at your struggles, dawning on you when you saw how turned on, felt how turned on. That foreign bulge dug into your belly. "Keep struggling Y/N, just makes me hard for you, so cute thinking you don't want this."

"Your vile Eric, like those front end pigs" nothing but disgust dripping from your tone, trying to hide your fear. But he knows, it just widens his predatory grin knowing your words were masking the fear coursing through your veins. His lips hovered so close, mocking tone as he brushed them barely against yours, as you tried tilting your face away. “Come on Y/N, just one little kiss for me. Do it and I will let you go.”

You glare at him and spit, right in the fuckers face, it runs down his eyes and nose, and you smirk at him as he starts cussing and wiping his face on his sleeve. “You little fucken cunt whore! Nasty pig think you can get away with that shit?!” His hand releases you and goes to hit you when a grasp catches his wrist, wrenching it back. Both yours and Erics eyes go wide in surprise, and you see Curtis glowering behind him, firmly twisting Erics arm hard, then harder again he snarls out. “She sure as fuck is gonna get away with it. I think she told you no”

Curtis jerked Erics arm further and a crack was followed by Eric screaming and letting you go, you slid away from his grasp, Curtis jerking him forward to take where he had you pinned before. They were evenly matched in size, but Curtis had him crushed between his body and metal, his face distorted as you glanced up. It struck you in this moment just how opposite these two men were. Curtis never once raised his voice in the time youve known him,but he had to raise above Erics squealing out in pain and anger. “When a person tells you no, It fucken mean no. You owe Y/N an apology.” He pulled Eric off the wall, and kicked at the back of his knees to drop him in front of you.

Curtis loomed over him, his arm still firmly twisted up between his shoulder blades, and growled in the mans ear. “Say it, or Im going to wrench it right off your body.”

“Im sorry!” you could see the effort it took Eric to say it, but Curtis clearly wasnt satisfied.

“AGAIN!” This time he really roared, Eric cowering a bit, and remorseful, he started again.

“Im sorry Y/N, I promise to never touch you again!” Curtis glances at you and nods that its okay, he had him firmly and you stepped forward, grasping the mans hair, and tipping his head back.

“Touch me ever again, or ANYONE on this train, your dead, do you hear me Eric? I will have no problem watching you die, either by my hand or another. Am. I. Fucking. CLEAR?”

“Yes! god yes, just let me go, it wont happen again.” Eric pleads, and you step away from Eric, and circle around to Curtis’s side. Shoving him harshly away, Eric rolled to a stand and clutched his arm, racing away as fast as he could. The coward, would probably make up some lie to cover face when he made it to your father went to reset the arm. You stood next to Curtis, still fuming. Your fear from earlier forgotten, now you were just enraged watching where the coward disappeared.

“Hey, he aint gonna try messing with you again.” Curtis let his hand rest against your shoulder, looking down at you. He couldnt help but admire you in your rage and fury. Your cheeks were flushed red, and whisps of your hair curled around your face, your eyes bright as you dragged in air sharply to blow it out. Then you turned your gaze, softening just looking at him, and could see you start to loose that edge of your temper. He did that for you.. Curtis gaze softened in return and you turn into him, sliding your arms around his waist and pressing your face in against his chest.

“Thank you for looking out for me Curtis.” his hands braced against your back and seemed to envelope you. If possible he would just hold you like that for alot longer, but you pulled away, keeping it just friends. Maybe you noticed the way his heart jumped, or the way his throat caught in his throat. And it had been that way for monthes now, seeing you in this whole other way. Since that night you fought him, trying to defy that you would ever eat again. Something shifted that day, and yet he held back from telling you, mentioning it. Honestly he didnt deserve someone like you, for all the blackness in his soul. It was better you two just stay this. Stay friends.

“Your welcome Y/N, I came to let you know Sheri, shes asking for you specifically. Your mom asked me to come get you.” Curtis was about to walk you back, but your eyes widened, and you sprinted up the aisle and out of sight before he could even think to catch up. Unsure of why you were rushing, he followed along behind, and hovered nearby, seeing glimpses of your hair as you were ducked in the bunk, and worried about intruding, he inched forward a bit enough to hear you, make sure it was all okay. Your voice was soft, almost sorrowed as you spoke.

“Im here Sheri, Im sorry I didnt come sooner...”

Unintelligible to Curtis at the moment, it only sounded older, raspier and you gave a small chuckle at whatever was said.

“I already told you, were friends, Curtis and I.” your voice seems to be teasing at this, and guilt at eavesdropping, Curtis turned away from the two of them, those last words echoing in his minds. Friends. Thats all they were, and all they would ever be. He had to accept it. You werent really his, and he needed to stop feeling responsible for you. The thought alone made him feel slightly depressed and heavy in his chest, hollow. It made him feel hollow, and he fell right in line with the others shuffling to the front to collect there daily rations.

You curled up near Sheris side, in the time you left her, she just gotten worst, and the both of you knew it really was just a matter of time now. For a while Sheri fell back into stories of the past, mixing You and Nathan up, once in a while she will talk to you like you were her husband. Her soft knobby hands grasping yours, and a smile etching on her tired face.

“Im so tired Nathan, whats it like?” She would say with her eyes closed, and you with your head slightly bowed, trying not to let your tears fall yet, you put on a smile instead and nod softly.

“Yea Sheri Dear, its nice. All love and kindness. You never hurt, your always warm and we can be together.”

“But is there Hershey Bars Nathan? And dont you lie to me, cause I always know.”

You laugh slightly at it, barely remembering them yourself, but you do your best. “Of course, every day I will get you all the chocolate you want.”

Sheri hums as if happy, and her eyes open, looking up at you. “Oh child you dont have to stay.” Back to herself again, she folded her hands around yours and patted them softly. “Thank you for sitting with me, Nathan told me hes waiting for me, and Im ready to go... Im ready to see him again, My Nathan.” She slowed her movements and drifted off to sleep. At some point your mother checks in on you. “Want me to sit with her and you go get some sleep?”

A gentle shake of your head and smile, youve done this before... the silent wait, the death watch. “No, its okay. I will see you in the morning.” Your mother nods with understanding, life on the train, these past 10 years made you grow up faster then you should. It did for all of you.

You sat there with her, refusing to leave this time, still holding her hand, that was limp and warm in your own, tracing over her knuckles and along the top of her hand, aged, weathered. Nothing really last forever, and in these thoughts Sheri drifted away, in her sleep. Just as she wanted.

When you felt her just, become a body once more, you let your tears run free now, falling in the womans blankets, while you readjust her to cover her completely, shifting to a stand a bit weak legged from the hours you were there. You went to find your mother, but see shes sleeping, both your parents are. Looking up and down the aisle, you really dont want to be alone, not now. Not after having to say goodbye. It was moments like these you missed your little brother, having someone to hold in your arms and remember all the good memories through your sorrow.

Without even thinking about it, you wander, and soon your standing in front of a bunk youve never been into, but you knew who was there. You could hear him snore softly, and shift in his sleep. A soft rustle of his coat, a shadow in the darkness. Your heart catches, and it aches. It aches for your friend, for how excited she was to see her husband again. How you dont know if she really was though. “Curtis?” Your voice is soft, your not even sure you said it. But within seconds he sleepily stuck his head out, and hand wiping at his eyes and brows coming together in concern. “Y/N? Whats wrong? Are you okay?”

You nod softly and maybe you shouldnt, it was such an odd request but it bubbles right out of your throat into words. “I dont... I dont want to be alone, please?” Your gaze lifts and it takes him a few seconds to register what your asking for, when it clicks, he doesnt even hesitate, his hand reaching out to grasp yours and help you up. Maybe he should send you home, send you back. But your looking so fragile in the dark, alone.

When you settled in, Curtis felt the bunk warm up between you two, and you laid curled up near his side, not touching , but nearby. Your breathing was fast paced and uneasy. Nervous... Fuck shes nervous. He turned to his side, and reached out to grasp your chin lightly to look up at him, since you had your face tucked down. “Y/N, want to tell me whats going on?” Curtis figured it was best to get to the bottom of what was bothering you, why you came to seek him like this.

“Do you believe in soulmates and such Curtis?” You start to loosen up, folding your hands under your head as you roll to your side as well, looking back at him. Curtis brow furrowed a bit at the very odd question from you, and gave a light shrug at it. “Im not entirely sure Y/N, I never thought about it honestly. My folks werent exactly the most loving towards each other, kinda like... “ He tried to think of how to compare them to that you might remember. “Al and Peggy Bundy from that comedy. I dont know if you would even know what Im talking about. But anyways, always kinda mean to one another, but they just stayed together. Soulmates? I dont know if they exist. Why?”

You vaguely recalled what he was talk about, the theme song playing a bit through your mind, you remembered your dad watching it, but you never paid attention to what he was watching. “Yea I know what your talking about Curtis. I was sitting with Sheri during her last bit, and she thought I was her husband. It just... she talked to him like they hadnt missed a beat, although its been years. I did my best to give her answers for him. I just, think I witnessed what that would be.” Curtis reached out and wrapped you up in his arms, understanding now that you were saying Sheri was gone. Doing that sit was never easy. Clearly this one effected you. But certainly not in the way he fully expected.

You let him pull you in close, twisting to lean in against his chest while he held you, his hand was rubbing up and down your back in a comforting manner. It lulled you to close your eyes, and after a few moments, you heard him speak. A rumble in his chest making you stir to look up at him. At this angle, you couldnt see his eyes. “Before this, did you believe in that notion? Soul mates, think they could find each other in a life like this?” Curtis question made you pull up to sit next to him, so you could properly see him. See if he was teasing you, although he didnt have that tone he did when he was, or if he was being serious in his question. Crystal blue eyes stared up at you, with nothing but seriousness, and maybe hope?

You studied Curtis for a few moments, and as sometimes happened to you, your heart seemed to speed just a bit, and you smiled at him softly, nodding. “I do Curtis, call me a hopeless romantic but we have to have hope right? Why not hope that we can find something so complete in even this hell.” You shrug and tip your head against your shoulder in that optimistic way before dropping your shrug. It was then he pushed up to sit as well, and he pulled at his lip with a drag of his teeth, seeming to think. You waited him out, your hands folding in your laps and looking at him wide eyed.

Why do you look at him like that. His resolve weakening. You were so innocent looking up at him, patient as always for him to find the words, for him to decide, for him to get rid of that guilt that he doesnt deserve you in a way more then this. You were probably the reason he hasnt done anything to reckless and gotten himself killed. Fuck it Curtis... Resolve sliding over his face and his hands cupped the sides of your face, so soft under his touch, just as he knew you would be. Soft for him, he only wanted you to ever be soft for him like this, wanting to feel you press against him, the warmth of your breath whispering into his ear that you needed him. How many times had he thought this, wanted this. And now, you were staring up at him just waiting for him to tell you all this.

“Can I kiss you Y/N?” He asked, ready to pull back the moment you looked appalled by his request, and you never utter those words, nothing changes but a quickening of your breath, and a nervous lick of your lips. Curtis wonders, have you ever been asked before? He was patient, he could wait, would wait till your ready. Its something you never admitted to yourself, but yes... you really wanted that kiss. A dip of your head and a soft “Yes” was given.

Thumbs circled over her cheekbones, and you held your breath, waiting with anticipation. His features grew soft looking at you, raking over your face for a moment, searching for a no from you before he lowered his head and pressed his lips to yours, they were softer then you been expecting, and a bit lost in what to do. But Curtis started a light nibble, a press of his tongue made you gasp in surprise. A tentative touch of his tongue against your own, and you finally started to relax into it, exploring in your own way. Although Curtis controlled your first kiss, you felt free, a rush of your senses making you pull in closer, your hands sliding up his chest and around the back of his neck.

Your fingers buried into the back of his shirt, and his own hands slid off your face, and down to your hips to pull you in closer, flushing you into his chest, and a rumbling moan crept from him. You were everything he knew you would be and more. Already it was rushing to his head, feeding a deep seated hunger he had been ignoring for the past ten years since arriving on the train. If he wasnt careful, he was going to do something he might regret, and pulled away, leaving you stunned, and giving a whimper at the loss of his lips against yours. How flushed you looked, shocked, even dare he say a hint of pleasure dazing your eyes. Your lips were swollen from his kiss, and that made him pleased he could make you look like this, just a simple kiss.

Staring at one another, it was apparent that there was no going back now, no more just best friends. You were still slightly in a daze and Curtis laid back down, his hand circling your arm to tug you to join him. “We should get some sleep.” in which you stretched out next to him. You wanted to say something, but didnt know what. The kiss, unlike anything youve ever experienced and in the dark, your fingers moved to touch your lips, smiling at the memory of it now. The feelings you had for him, had been there a long time, and until now, you never let yourself believe it was a true possibility.

Curtis on the other hand, well he was cursing himself out for what he just done. You were far to good for him and he should have known better then that. He didnt deserve you, not your honey sweet kisses he just got lost in, or the way you were so sweetly curled up next to him, trying not to intrude. Oh he was fucked... completely fucked. Why did he have to kiss you? He groaned inwards, waiting, just waiting for you to come to your senses. He was a baby murderer, it would happen soon, he was sure. You would remember what he done, and push him away, shut yourself off from him, and then in that moment, Curtis would be all alone on the train. Long after you fallen asleep, Curtis laid wide awake with his thoughts poisoning his mind.

That next day he had disappeared before you could talk to him, and kept expecting to see him, but you never did. Which was odd, cause he had a habit of finding you at various points in passing. Only place he could be was Gilliams, and that alone made you worry. Not that Gilliam was necessarily bad, but people plotted with him, talks of trying to escape was always so sush around the man, like a man of many secrets. You scolded yourself at your thoughts, knowing Gilliam was a good man. Hes helped all of you so many times, was the leader of your people. If anyone knew you felt this way, your throat closed at the idea of what could happen to you.

You were soon distracted by a 5 year old named Joey. “Hey, Its almost time, right Y/N?” he said excitedly as he ducked into the medic bay as if he owned the place, pulling on your coat and looking up with a glimmer of hope passing his face, you wink down at him, and take care of the last of the supplies. Whatever was going on with Curtis was going to have to wait. And you pushed the thoughts from your mind.

“Of course, whenever Minister Mason announces that we are passing over bridge, that means its a whole new year, and every new years what do we get?” tapping your finger on your chin, you pretend to ponder. “Oh what is it. They are white, and inside is all that yummy goodness. Hmmmm.... Frog eggs? No way to slimey! maybe a dog egg? Wait dogs dont lay eggs... Maybe a... “ at this point Joey is just about bouncing excitedly, finally bursting out.

“Chicken? Right Y/N Chicken Eggs?! I think they lay eggs.” a slightly confused look crossed his face. “Im not even sure what a chicken is.”

“Oooh! Thats what they are. And chickens run around on two legs, flap there wings and are big fluffy butts.” You cross your eyes at Joey and mimic flapping your arms, making him laugh.

“Like Miz Scarlett?” He asks, and he says it so innocently, you have a hard time not laughing, pressing a finger against his lips. “No no, she certainly doesnt look like a chicken.” Although she did that one time her nice feather down coat split down the back and feathers scattered through the tail end. You all still found the occasional feather fluttering through the aisle. Plus the woman had the tendency to be a bit over dramatic, flailing her arms around whenever she had to prove a point. Joey always had been an observant kid.

The two of you chatted about what else New Years brought, while heading out into the aisle to return him back to his mother. “were gonna have a cele-celebratition?” You chuckle and repeat the word properly. “Celebration, and it will be something like that yes.” It wasnt much, usually just a bunch of people sitting around the gate, waiting for there only treat Wilford ever gave them on the train. But it always turned into a good time, people sharing stories, and once in a while a game or two was played. “Gilliam is gonna tell us right?” Joey asks, now looking concerned.

Your brows come together, and nod, giving his little hand a squeeze. “Of course Buddy, were not gonna miss out on the best day ever, right? I will come make sure your there with everyone else.” You smile at him to assure, and he pulls up, leaping into a lower bunk to crawl over to his mom. “Mom! Y/N said its almost new years, and we get chicken eggs and maybe we get to hear stories and... “ he ended up running out of air and took a deep breath. “and Miz Scarlett doesnt look like a chicken.” You end up covering your mouth,while his mom puts him on her lap and shakes her head.

“Now Joey, you cant be telling anyone they look like chickens! Jeeze child, what am I going to do with you?” She tickled his side and he went sprawling across the bed, and rolled back up, the excitement tinging his face. “I wont, I wont... I promise!” The PA systems crackles, and you put your finger up to your lip to sush Joey, all of you tipping your head to listen. Minister Masons nasal voice crackled and stated.

“We just passed the bridge, and another year on Wilfords Miracle Train. How lucky we have all been to be here for this miraculous day. Mr.Wilford is providing everyone a treat to celebrate, be sure to come up to the front in a ORDERLY fashion, and be sure to thank him for his bountiful grace hes bestowed upon us.”

You roll your eyes to yourself for the fucking dramatics, but you tilt your head and sound excited for Joey. “Come on Kiddo! I bet hes got something real good for us.” The child looks to his mother for permission and she nods, sending him flying out of the bunk to grasp your hand and practically tugging you down the aisle, since its quite a walk for his little legs, he wanted to hurry. “Slow down Joey, we will get there” You laugh, and then Curtis sweeps past you and hauls the kid up in his arms, grinning at you as he turned around, and walked backwards, Joey, wrapping his little arm around his neck. “We got places to be, Dont We Joe?” The little boy gave a very serious nod and looked down to Curtis. “Yes sir we do.”

“Okay, okay... Im coming!” You pull up alongside Curtis with a sigh like they were being ridiculous, and once they were in sight of the front, Joey started wriggling to get down. “Put me down Curits, I want to go get in line!” in which hes swung down and as soon as his feet hit the grate, he bolts away from the two of you. The both of you hang back while others crowd to form a line. You let yourself lean against his shoulder and look up to catch his attention. “Feels like youve been hiding on me Curtis.”

“No, just been busy.” He glances at you and away, watching to make sure Joey doesnt get lost in the mayhem. Liar, hes always been a bad liar. You see right through it, and you dip around to stand in front of him. “Say that again Curtis, and mean it this time.” Your mouth curls up in a grin, and he growls a bit under his breath that he had been caught.

“Listen, yesterday...” he starts, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down. “I took advantage and I shouldnt have.”

“Curtis Everett, when have I ever done anything I didnt want to do?” You fold your arms over your chest and shake your head.

“Well...”

“That doesnt count and you know it.” Giving him a silent warning and he snapped his jaw shut. You step in closer and take a hold of his jacket, fiddling your fingers in it. “Listen to me closely, You didnt take advantage, okay, and Im not going anywhere. It wasnt bad, right?”

His eyes widened and a shake of his head to get rid of the notion, he couldnt help but touch you again, his hands moving along your arms, up to cup your face again. “Absolutely not, it was... the best kiss ive ever had.” his face softened when he said it out loud.

A slight blush crept in your cheeks, but to hear him say that, just made you more bold, knowing you werent wrong. You were ready for this moment, and never thought it was possible. “Then why do you fight it?” You asked as you slid up against him, and move to your toes to reach him, cupping the back of his neck, you bring him down to meet you, and more confident this time, you kissed him slowly. This one was yours, and the people started cheering around them at the announcement of the new year. But for Curtis, his world narrowed to the woman in his arms, nothing else existed or mattered for him. You fit in his hold, like you were meant to be. the soulmates questioned flashed through his mind and then you moaned into his mouth, and all thoughts went away for good.

He knew in that moment, there wasnt going to ever be anyone else. He might not deserve someone like you, but he wasnt going to let you go.

#curtis everett #curtis everett x y/n #snowpiercer #kinda some non con #death #trauma #chris evans

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stillwooozy · 4 years ago

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well my mom is having heart surgery, or idk a stent put in her heart - isnt that heart survery? Anyways shes getting better so thats good.

Ive been playing chess w/ my dad but my 10 yr old brother can beat us both so my dad isnt pissed at me anymore. He lost to my brother so he yelled at HIM for “having an attitude” and i felt bad. sore loser much? I’m competitive as hell, but only for things i know im objectively good at. He admits he isnt good at chess. I’m kinda surprised cuz ngl my dad is smart and my 10 yr old brother is..... 10. But i guess my dads intellect manifests as writing ability and my brother is advanced in math sooo... maybe chess = math? Idk. They are still forced to quaratine cuz they have covid, i doubt i’ll get it but i’ll get tested when they do again. My dogs are going crazy cuz i cant take them to the park.

My mom will come home in a few days. I’m actually excited/relieved. Usually i dread seeing her cuz she always finds something to critize me about but now im just happy she isnt dead. Haha hashtag-compassion. Shes on a bunch of drugs but shes off a venilator and sounds okay. she tested negative for covid so shes done with that im pretty sure. Shes getting a stent put in. I tried to talk to a doctor cuz she was being vague but he wouldnt tell me anything and im like :/ i get it but... i wish they would make my life easier, im the last person who should act as a husband/parent figure but here i am. My dad is pissing me off - if he cant control a situation he gets angry & ignores it. Straight up. I WISH i could do that but i have a guilty complex instilled by my very own mother.

One of my brothers i watching attack on titan so thats pretty interesting. he’s 12 and i was like... um isnt that too young? But i was 13 when i watched it so i guess not

My mom told me if i picked up her meds after i pick her up from the hospital she’ll give me half her painkillers and was like “but dont OD”. I mean im not going to turn them down. Me - turning down tramadol? What reality would that be. she’s a weird woman. I feel bad for her, she blames everyone else for her problems including me but ik she loves me. even if she hates part of me at the same time. A part of me is convinced that ill die by drugs if i never manage to kick the habit but i’d also feel really bad knowing she’d blame herself. I mean its almost comedic how dysfunctional my family is. She goes full Karen begging for opioids, then gives her mentally ill son half the pills as a reward. hey - positive reinforcement i guess? Good for her. Dont hit ur kids - just give them drugs when they are being a good little boy.

I think i’ll watch AoT w/ my brother. Hes the sibling i probably ignore most. him and my 10 yr old brother. I like my 6 yr old brother and my 19 yr old sister. I mean i love all my siblings but come on..... 9-15 yr old boys are batshit. i say this from personal experience.

I asked him if he liked Eren x Mikasa cuz idk. Isnt that what most basic shonen preteen boys are into? I forced myself to read eremika hentai when i was about his age. He’s a nice jewish boy too, so 50/50 chance he has an east asian fetish. You want to know his reply??? “No I don’t see anyone as a couple they all seem gay to me - no offense”. None taken brother ... i have to agree

i was flirting w/ 2 girls on tinder - no worries im not going to spread covid i promise - and i’ve come to the realization that....... why do most “alt” girls SAY they want a bi boy to “peg” but...... get uncomfortable when that bi twink actually gets fucked by men. like what??????? they just want a boy who wears flowery blouses and eyeshadow. sorry hun i’m not that person. I look like mac demarco if he was a twink in the worst way possible. I hate this trend cuz its insincere or maybe im just self concious cuz im gross. its just....... u cant ask for a bi bf...... but not really want them to ever have fucked a man????????? Grindr is disgusting but damn tinder girls are judgemental. I look like david dobrick if he was gay & mentally ill - what do u expect of me? I just miss my ex. She was unusal and im just fully appreciating that. She was the only person (beside my ex who pulled a lil peep before it was cool) who matched my type of crazy. Unfortunately 2 crazy ppl can’t last long.

To clarify i dont tell ppl, i never will, that she was “my crazy gf” or “crazy ex”. I dont mean it as a fully bad thing - i mean im the one on antipsychs (she was on lithium.. what a romance amiright). I miss her so badly. I think about texting or calling her everyday. Honestly idk if she would answer. Maybe she has moved on. We both have a minimal (public) social media presence so i cant stalk her online. she just posts memes & social justice stuff on her sc. she didnt block me from any platform. I pretend she found this blog and can stalk me & i hope she feels bad for me - pathetic right? It wasnt even a bad breakup. We were never on the “same page”, not that type of couple or chemistry, but we enjoyed being together and i miss that cuz atm i have no one but my mentally ill family. jk my siblings are surprisingly sane. I mean the younger ones have time.

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theskyeandsea · 5 years ago

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A Little Melon-choly || Orion & Skylar

Location: The Common & Skylar’s Apartment

TW List: Chronic Illness and Abuse Mentions

Notes: Just happy fun times at the farmer’s market! calcifires Today at 2:44 PM watermelons wouldnt be in season in Maine but YA KNOW swampfoxx Today at 2:45 PM Listen they're vampire watermelons so its DIFFERENT

The farmer’s market. It wasn’t exactly Orion’s style, but Orion had been sent off by the family to grab groceries. Since he was spending more time at home than usual due to the whole sun not rising ordeal, he was available to be sent off for errands. This seemed like a purposeful ploy. His mom was constantly on him to cut out all the soda and snack foods that he indulged in. So she made up a list and sent him off with strict instructions to return so she could start dinner. Admittedly, he preferred this over being forced to ride along with his parents to something like this. He was happy to hear that she had other plans. So instead, Orion found himself moving from cart to cart, smiling awkwardly at each vendor as he marked his mom’s list off one by one. As he fell into the groove of it, he was almost able to forget how cold it was outside, but every now and then a breeze would blow through and he would get the painful reminder. He shuddered, rubbing at his arms to create some friction against the long sleeves. Unsurprisingly, the list was in order with the setup of the farmer’s market. His mom was way too prepared. He was practically done with his list, only two things left when he spotted a familiar face. From the looks, she spotted him too. His heart immediately began to race, and Orion’s breathing get heavier and faster. He should probably just keep walking on. Give her some space. Clearly she wanted nothing to do with him. He didn’t blame her. But the two were close enough now that it would have been even worse to not saying anything at all. “Uh…. hey there.” He mumbled nervously and waved, “How’s it going?” This couldn’t get any more awkward.

While Skylar didn’t typically go to the farmers market, she figured that it was about time for her to get out of the house and do something, anything to stave off the impending bout of… seal symptoms. The endless night was wearing thin on her and it would be for the best if she went outside, got some fresh air, and talked to some people. So, she took one of her reusable grocery bags and headed out to look at a bunch of produce that she really couldn’t eat. The nice thing about the farmer’s market was that it meant a lot of people were out and about, with plenty of floodlights to spare. Safety and numbers meant the little bottle of holy water in her pocket would probably go unused. She’d started keeping some on her ever since Nic had dropped off his ridiculous shipment of holy water at her apartment. If he thought things were dangerous now, she was going to listen to that advice. Walking from stall to stall, Skylar smiled politely as she looked at the bundles of vegetables and things that she… couldn’t eat. This wasn’t one of her better ideas. As she looked over a few of the stalls, her eyes locked with someone familiar-- her breath caught in the back of her throat. Rio. As he walked up, Skylar’s back straightened and she stared at the weird fruits in the stall in front of them. “Hi. It’s going.” She said stiffly, “What about you?” She asked, not looking him in the eye.

Well this was definitely awkward. Orion should have listened to his gut and skipped the stand. He needed a few things from the same stall that Skylar was currently at. He figured it was better to get the pleasantries out of the way now. As awkward as this was, Orion felt it would be more awkward to just remain silent and continue to run into each other throughout the market. So Orion would bite the bullet and just say hello. What was the worst that could happen? “That’s good. Or well.. It’s alright. I guess.” He muttered, readjusting the hat on his head. He didn’t normally wear baseball caps, but the brim helped to hide the fading black eye. Not that he had much to hide about it. The story behind how he got it was more embarrassing than incriminating. “But uh I’m fine. I uh- didn’t know you shopped here often.” The translation? He didn’t know she could eat any of this stuff. But maybe in smaller doses and if paired with enough meat she would be fine. From what Orion had learned, Selkies were mostly carnivores. “Sorry- I am just here to grab a few things. Then I’ll be out of your hair.

“Mhm.” Skylar hummed, her lips pressed tightly together as she stared at the fruit in front of her. Wow, they looked really weird… like she didn’t normally pay attention to how fruits and vegetables looked, but these definitely seemed a bit odd? She couldn’t quite put her finger on why they seemed odd. Glancing over at Rio, she saw the way he shifted the hat on his head, and her eyes widened as she saw the slight discoloration around his eye. Gasping, she dropped her cold facade and stared at them. “Are you okay? What happened to you?” She asked, glossing over his pleasantries. They both knew that she didn’t belong here, in the farmers market. They didn’t really need to beat around the bush. “No, you’re fine. I’m just looking anyways.” She said, the words earning her a scowl from one of the vendors not far away.

Orion was all too aware how Skylar could barely make eye contact with him. She was focusing way too hard on the fruits on the stand, apparently trying anything to avoid looking over at Rio. He understood why. It was best now to just swoop in awkwardly next to her, grab the selection of fruits and then disappear and stop bothering her. But unfortunately, Skylar risked a glance at him and noticed the eye. “What? Oh, this?” Orion laughed nervously, pointing at the bruise and wincing slightly at the pain. He tried to keep a calm and collected demeanor. At the end of the day, it legitimately wasn’t that serious of an injury. “Yeah I’m fine. Seriously. I didn’t even get it in a cool way.” He admitted, readjusting his baseball cap again more on reflex than anything else, “I uh- tripped…. Down a hill.” He shrugged, “And I realize that sounds fake. But like legitimately. I was with someone who could vouch for me. I was walking backwards and I tripped and rolled down a hill and smacked my face against a tree root.” He started laughing, for real this time at the hilarity of his own ineptitude, “Pretty lame, right?” He moved closer in her direction, careful to move slowly. “Right, right. Sorry. It’s not my business anyways. I just gotta grab a few things.”

“Are you sure? That sounds…” Skylar’s voice petered off before she could finish the thought, but Rio had already answered the question. It sounded like a convenient story, but the way he was laughing seemed like it was real? Maybe? Glancing at his body language, she pursed her lips-- she wasn’t familiar enough with him to get a good enough read on him just yet, but he seemed like he was telling the truth. And, if their experiences at the failed anime night was anything to go off of, he wasn’t a terribly calm liar. “No problem, I’ll get out of your way.” She said, walking away from the stand. But, before she left, Skylar stopped and looked at some particularly odd items in the stall. For one thing… what were watermelons doing here? It was March, watermelons couldn’t be in season yet. For another-- “Uh, Rio…” She said, eyes widening as the fruit appeared to move and shudder. “You should get away from there.” Before he could respond, Skylar watched as the watermelon began to growl and rolled menacingly out of the stand. “Shit!”

Skylar didn’t seem to believe Orion, but he could hardly blame her. It wasn’t like Rio had a squeaky clean image of honesty to go off of. His entire life had been spent lying. Honesty was definitely a virtue of his. “Trust me, it was way more embarrassing in person than it is telling the story, and that’s saying something. I ran into this guy in the woods and we were attacked by this… I don’t know.” Okay that part was partially a lie, but Skylar had been freaked out enough during anime night. He didn’t need to go into detail on the vampire creature that had attacked them. “And I freaked out and fell down the hill.” There we go, full story out. “Oh- Sorry I didn’t mean you had to like leave or-” But Skylar was already walking away. Orion sighed and cursed himself for being so. Dang. awkward. But all he could do was try to shake it off and grab what he needed from the stand. But then he heard Skylar’s voice again, shakingly saying his name. He glanced over, seeing her staring pretty uneasily at a group of watermelon. “I can’t imagine that would be very good right now. Not in March.” But then he noticed it, the thing moved. And… did it just growl at Skylar? “Holy-” He began only to be interrupted when the watermelon began rolling towards Skylar. And along with that, it looked like more started to wake up as well. He eyed Skylar nervously, “Uh Skylar I think we should go. I don’t really need zucchini that badly anyways.”

“Yup, one hundred percent.” Skylar nodded, backing away. But, as she started to move away from the stall, another watermelon, then another, began to fall off the stall and roll towards her. Oh god. Why was this happening, why did this sort of thing always happen to her? Before she could continue her mental pity party, one of the watermelons lunged at her, the widest part opening up to reveal rows of teeth and a bright red center that seemed to be almost… bloody? “No, no, no, no, no!” She shrieked, running away from farmers market, pursued by a small fleet of rolling watermelons that followed her across the open grass of The Common. “Rio! What are these things?” She shouted over her shoulder, hoping that he was still with her. She hadn’t really bothered to check to see if he was running behind her, what with the awful watermelons hot on her heels.

Orion followed quickly behind Skylar. The things weren’t incredibly fast, but there were a lot of them. And they seemed to come pouring out from other booths to join the group. Others around the market were screaming, the collective noises stinging at his ear drums as they all flooded against his senses at once. Curse hunter senses. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to find some way to drown at the noises, but that only succeeded to distract him long enough that he lost his footing and fell forward, crashing into the grass and rolling. He pushed himself back up pretty quickly, but had noticed a distance growing between himself and Skylar. And some of those things were still following right behind her. He began running again, “I- I don’t know!” He screamed over to Skylar. That was the worst part of all this. He didn’t know what they were. Or where they come from. Only that they seemed to have fangs and clearly had a thing for humans and seemed to have red spots dripping from their centers. Was it blood? The smell of the food from the farmer’s market made it too hard to narrow down any particular scent. And he was too busy running to stop and touch the red liquid for himself. “Where’s your car? We need to get somewhere safe!”

Why were there always weird, terrible things trying to eat her or drown her or just kill her? Skylar didn’t have much time to dwell on the thought as she continued to run away from the rapidly rolling watermelons. And this time, it wasn’t even something that could legitimately be called scary-- these were just watermelons with giant flipping teeth. “You don’t know?” She shrieked, incredulous. He knew about selkies but he didn’t know about demon fruit? Great, just gr-- One of the vampires snapped at her pant leg, tearing a chunk of fabric from the cuff of her jeans. Stumbling forward, she did her best to keep her balance and continue running. Jesus. This sucked, this sucked, all of this sucked. “My car? It’s-- it’s over there!” She said, point to where her Honda Civic was parked across the way of the Common. “Run!”

Orion hated not knowing what these things were. He didn’t like not knowing things in general, but it seemed especially bad when those things he didn’t know about tried to kill him. “I- It’s not something that-” What was Orion trying to say there? He couldn’t tell Skylar that his family only made him study things that they wanted him to kill. That’s where all of his former knowledge came from after all. Since then, Orion has been studying what he could at the Scribe Headquarters but fruit wasn’t exactly something that he had been trying to read about. Apparently he should have been. “I didn’t know fruit could attack people!” He yelled again, eying the watermelon open itself up, exposing fangs and chomping down at Skylar’s leg. Orion’s heart jumped and he gasped before realizing that it had only gotten her pants and not her leg. He breathed a short sigh of relief and eyed the area where she pointed towards where her car was. He veered towards that direction, heading off towards the car when his foot caught into something on the ground. Maybe a hole, maybe a bump. It didn’t matter much. Only that he could feel his ankle twist and he fell forward. He raised his arms to try to cushion the fall, but his elbows hit the ground hard and he rolled forward. His face, down in the grass, the next thing he felt was a searing pain in his arm. He yelled out, looking up to find his right arm with a watermelon biting into it, and hard. Blood poured from his arm and his jacket was torn. Orion’s fist clenched as he cried out in pain and he pulled his left arm free from under his body. With one strong blow, Orion brought his fist down onto the watermelon and crushed it entirely, watermelon guts and presumably Orion’s blood splattering off from it. Orion pulled his injured arm free and pushed himself away. His breath catching in his throat as he processed the pain. It was a watermelon. It doesn’t matter that he crushed it. He hadn’t murdered a freaking watermelon. “Keep running!” Orion yelled, hoping that Skylar wasn’t going to try to help him. He pushed up again and began running towards the car again, cradling his injured arm in the other.

Her heart was pounding in her ears, her lungs felt like they were going to explode out of her chest, and she honestly felt sick to her stomach from the combination of adrenaline and running. Panting heavily, Skylar was dimly aware of the loud thump behind her, but she thought it was just one of the watermelons-- maybe it had decided to stop chasing after them? But then she heard Rio’s yell of pain. Looking over her shoulder, she was startled to see a watermelon latched onto his arm, fangs embedded into his flesh. But, what caught her even more off guard was when Rio brought his hand down and obliterated the watermelon. Chunks of watermelon flesh and possibly real flesh soaked the ground. Before she could comment on it, Rio had already gotten back up to his feet and was running her way again. Bolting to the car, she grabbed her keys from her pocket and clicked the unlock button, the lights flashing to alert her that the car was open. Throwing open the side door for Rio, she jumped in the drivers seat, slamming her door shut. A heavy thud slammed into her car door as a watermelon threw itself into against the metal. “Get in, get in, get in!” She said to the man, as she jammed her car keys in the ignition.

All Orion could think about was the pain shooting through his arm. He tried to ignore it, as his feet hit the pavement and drew closer and closer to Skylar’s car. The pain was temporary. He was luckier than many. His arm would bleed for now, but it would quickly slow down. And before long the only evidence that he was ever injured in the first place would be dried blood and a torn hoodie. He ran towards the car, a watermelon rolling smashing into the door as Skylar jumped in. They were surrounding the driver’s side now, and Orion leaped, hitting the trunk of the car and siding over it, and throwing the door open. He pulled his hoodie over his head and used it to wrap around his bleeding arm, careful to avoid dripping any in Skylar’s car. He didn’t speak for a long moment while he tried to regain his breath, but finally looked over at Skylar. “Thank you. Oh god. What the heck were those things?”

As soon as Rio was inside, Skylar threw the car into drive and pressed the gas pedal, urging her Honda Civic down the road. Her front tire smacked into something that gave with a loud popping noise-- she must have squished one of the weird watermelon things? Glancing back in her rear view, she saw that Rio was clutching his arm into his chest. “I-- I have no idea. Demon watermelons? Evil, cannibal watermelons?” She guessed, adrenaline still coursing through her veins as she tried to calm her nerves. Checking the road behind her, Skylar was relieved to see that no rogue watermelons were chasing after them. At least there was that. As she took another look back at Rio, she noticed… scars. Lots of scars, bruises, some faded, others fresh, covering his arms. Those couldn’t have been from just now, right? Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she focused on the road in front of her. “Are you okay? Did they get you? Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Or, I-- I’ve got a first aid kit at my apartment, would that be enough?” She offered, hoping Rio would take the offer for help. That wound couldn’t be good.

Orion was trying to hold back tears from falling down his face. The last thing he needed to do was cry in front of Skylar too. Hadn’t he caused enough stress in her life? He thought after all these years that he would have at least built up a tolerance to pain, but apparently that wasn’t true. The only thing that helped him get his mind off of it was theorizing about the watermelons. “I wonder if they were watermelons at all.” Could they have been some kind of shape shifters? It didn’t seem likely. Watermelons may have been a good disguise at a farmer’s market initially, but it hardly seemed effective to stay in that form while hunting prey. It seemed more likely that Skylar was right. They were some kind of cannibalistic watermelon. Which begged another question. Were they alive? That… thing that Orion had smashed. Had it been alive? “I mean- they obviously were watermelon I just… I don’t know. I wish I knew.” He had been staring up at the roof of the car, his eyes closed as he tried to not dwell on the pain or the situation. He heard Skylar asking about his arm, the concern apparent in her voice. Or maybe it was just fear. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on Orion’s part. “Huh? Oh no. This is fine. He didn’t bite very deep. It’s just a surface wound.” Orion lied. But he had no other choice. He couldn’t let Skylar try to treat him or take him to the hospital. How would he explain it when the bite marks closed by the end of the night? “I just wrapped it to make sure that I didn’t bleed on your car.” Orion forced laughter, trying to make himself sound more light hearted than he felt. He raised his hand into a thumbs up towards her to prove just how great he was. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized what he had done when he took the hoodie off to stop the bleeding. His arms. His scars. Out in public. He quickly moved to bury his free arm under the wrapped on, trying to hide as much of it as possible. “You can just uh- drop me off. If you could. I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“If they weren’t watermelon at all? What, like some kind of magic illusion?” Skylar asked, trying to process what that could mean. Whatever it was, it had felt pretty real to her, between with her ripped pant leg and Rio’s arm. Those were some pretty scary illusions if they weren’t real. “It’s, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t know any of this at all. I just-- I’m just trying to figure things out.” She said, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. As she spun the wheel in a less than controlled turn, she realized her hands were slick with slime. Grimacing, she wiped her palms on her jeans. They were already ruined, she might as well. “If it’s just a surface wound, why are you wrapping your arm like that? I’m not-- I’m not going to just ditch you.” She said, shaking her head. “At least let me get some neosporin and a bandage on it. Please?” Skylar asked, making eye contact with him through the rearview mirror, hoping that it would convince him. Ultimately, if he said no, she would let him leave. But… as much as she hated what Rio had done, she didn’t hate him. She just hated the way he’d gone about things. She wasn’t going to punish him, that wasn’t who she was. “It’s your choice, but, please, Rio. Let me help.”

“No- no. I think they were definitely real.” Orion answered Skylar, still trying to theorize. Pull anything from his brain that may help him connect some dots and determine what those things actually were. But between the pain and his arm and the now near panic attack that may or may not be building up in him, nothing was coming to mind. He wasn’t good under pressure, never has been. “You deserve your answers. Whatever they are. I’d like to help.” He tried to find a moment of peace within this conversation. But right now he was stuck. He needed to get out of this car, to make up some excuse to get away. But he didn’t want to push Skylar any farther away than he already had. He just wished that he could be normal. So that none of this was an issue in the first place. “Yeah- F-fine. But I don’t want to bleed all over your apartment.” She didn’t mention the scars. Honestly, he didn’t know which was more awkward. But he was pretty sure he would prefer it if they never spoke about it. “I’m sorry. If I hadn’t tripped this wouldn’t have been an issue.”

“Mmmmmmm.” Skylar hummed, tapping her hands anxiously against the steering wheel. Now that she was away from the watermelons, that she’d had the chance to catch her breath, her shoulders began to shudder, slight shivers running down her spine. Nope, nope, no. This was fine, this was okay, this was… it was gonna be okay. When Rio relented, she let out a sigh and nodded. They could go back to her place, get his arm treated, and then she could freak out. No freaking out right now, nope, nope. She was going to be calm. She didn’t even get hurt, Rio was the one who’d been hurt. “It’s not your fault, none of this is your fault.” She said as she pulled down the road to her apartment. Zipping through the parking lot, she pulled in and shut off the car, hurrying out to open the door for him. Her fingers slipped off the door handle on the first time, still covered in slime, but she managed to get the door open on the second try. Hoping he didn’t comment on that, she nodded. “C’mon, let’s get inside. I think my roommate’s at work, so we should be okay.” She said, praying that was the case. She didn’t need to deal with more questions…

Orion didn’t realize that they had arrived at Skylar’s until he heard the passenger side door being opened. He perked up immediately, realizing it was Skylar opening the door for him. He had blacked out? That seemed a bit over the top, considering Orion was plenty familiar with pain. Though he didn’t have a lot of experience with being bitten by a watermelon. His vision was blurry at first and he had to force himself to move so that he could see again. He climbed out of the car, mumbling a “Thanks” to Skylar and eyeing the slime on the car handle. Despite how fuzzy he felt, his hunter senses were working overtime to keep him aware. He could hear the slime dripping from the handle onto the pavement. “Cool. Cool.” He nodded, following Skylar inside. He remembered her place, almost fondly. It had been at least. At the beginning. He followed behind Skylar, following closely behind to make sure that he didn’t stray anywhere she didn’t want him. He owed that much to her.

When Rio stepped out of the back of the car, Skylar’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. He didn’t look good-- how much had he bled? Looking at the sweatshirt wrapped around his arm, she saw that there was quite a lot of blood. Much more than he’d let on. Oh god. How was he even standing? “Here, wait.” She said, lifting his good arm over her shoulder. He was a little shorter than her, but that made it easier for her to help him up the stairs to her apartment. Just one step at a time. Her keys were already in her hand and she managed to fit them in the lock on the first time. At least she had that going for her right now. Moving inside, she shut the door with her foot before walking Rio over to one of the chairs in the kitchen. “Sit tight, okay. The first aid kit is in the bathroom. Give a shout if you start to feel, um… worse?” She asked before hurrying down the hall.

The second she stepped inside, Skylar let out a shuddering breath, shoulders shaking. Rio had gotten hurt. Rio was badly hurt. This was, this was the first time since the Karkinoid attack on the beach that she’d seen one of her friends get hurt like this. And that had happened far away from her-- she hadn’t fully seen everything that had happened to Remmy. Gripping the basin of the sink, Skylar stared at the drain, trying to steady herself. “This is fine, this is fine, this is fine.” She mumbled to herself. Except none of this felt fine. Splashing some cold water on her face, Skylar looked up in the mirror, catching sight of the exhausted, strained young woman that stared back at her. Had she always looked this tired? Or was this just the toll White Crest had taken on her. She swallowed thickly before grabbing the first aid kit from the cabinet. Walking back into the kitchen, she offered a tense smile. “Hey, how are you doing?”

Orion didn’t argue when Skylar stepped in to help guide him into her home. It was pathetic, how he was acting. It was an arm wound, it was hardly anything that serious. It hadn’t even hurt that badly when it first happened, though he may have adrenaline to thank for that. His family would be laughing at him if they knew. Oh god. The thought of his parents reminded him that he was out in public, with a short sleeve shirt on. That wasn’t good. But there was nothing to do about it now. The damage had been done. Skylar had seen them, and Orion needed to figure out what he was going to say when the time came.

He fell into the chair that Skylar offered and rested his injured arm on the kitchen table. After Skylar left, Orion pressed his forehead against the kitchen table and stared at the darkness that remained between himself and the wood. The tear dripped from his eyes before he could think to stop them. It wasn’t much, just a few stray tears. But it was enough to force him to start sniffling and it was enough to embarrass himself to death. He could hear the water running in the bathroom, could hear that Skylar was talking to herself, though he tried to force himself against listening to the words. Eventually, he heard the water stop and Skylar making her way back into the kitchen. When she asked how he was, he raised his good arm up and gave a thumbs up as an answer. When he could manage it, he finally sat back up and looked at Skylar. “I’m super fantastic. I don’t want to get blood on your kitchen.”

When Skylar saw the tears that had trailed down his cheeks, her heart broke for him. He was just as overwhelmed by this as she was, wasn’t he? And there wasn’t anything she could really do to help. “Mhmmmm. Well, do you mind taking the sweatshirt off? I don’t really know about first aid, but I know that you should clean a wound out just so it doesn’t get infected.” She said as she opened up the first aid kit. Her hands were shaking as she undid the latches, but she did her best not to let the slight tremors show. Pulling out a couple alcohol swabs, the neosporin, and a roll of bandages, she set them on the kitchen table and waited for him patiently. Now that they were face to face, she could see that the scars and injuries that covered his skin were more than she’d initially noticed. What… what had happened to him?

Orion immediately used his free hand to wipe away any tears from his face. If he survived today and didn’t die from embarrassment it would be a miracle. “Oh. Right. Of course.” He smiled, slowly unwrapping the sweatshirt from his arm. He grimaced as the blood made it stick to his skin, and he had to peel it from his skin. In hindsight, the wound already seemed to look marginally better than it had when it first happened, a sign that the healing had already started. But this was fine. It was still bad enough that Skylar could treat it, wrap it up and then Orion could leave and no one would be the wiser when the thing healed before the weekend. Especially since he was never leaving the house again without making sure he had a long sleeve shirt under the hoodie. Or two. Once the arm was completely exposed, Orion looked up at the ceiling and shut his eyes. If he didn’t focus on the pain, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly. “I promise I won’t whine too much. Do whatever you need.” He mumbled, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. The alcohol burned like no other, but Orion gritted his teeth and tried not to make a noise. When he felt like he needed a distraction, he spoke. “Can I ask you a question?” He prefaced, before leading into it. “What causes the uh- the slime. Do you always do that? Or does something else cause it?”

Watching as he unwound the sweatshirt back, Skyler winced at the sight of the bite mark-- it wasn’t as bad as she’d thought it would be, though, which was a relief. If it was any worse, she’d insist on driving him to the hospital, or at least urgent care. Taking the alcohol wipes, she began to dab around the wound, cleaning off the blood and doing her best to make the process as quick as possible. She’d seen nurses do things like this before, when her sister had taken a bad spill during cheer practice and had needed to be patched up. “No, no, you’re fine. I’m just sorry that you got hurt.” She said, hoping that talking would help him through the pain. Setting aside the alcohol wipes, she opened the tube of Neosporin and spread a layer on some gauze before pressing it gently over the wound. “Oh. Um,” She hesitated for a moment. She still didn’t trust Rio, not fully. But… how could she really say that when he was here, bleeding in her kitchen, after having been bitten up by some cannibal watermelon? “It happens when I get nervous. Or scared. And when I need to change.” She said, not looking at him as she unwrapped the bandage and began to wind it around his arm.

This was better than going to a hospital, Orion could at least confirm that. They would want to take IV’s and that meant needles in his arms which meant questions. He would take this over that any day. Honestly, the scariest part of today was that Orion dropped the groceries he was supposed to be picking up for his mom. How was he going to explain that? “Thanks, but obviously not your fault. I’m just clumsy.” He shrugged, jumping at a particularly ill placed dab of alcohol that really stung at one of the bite marks. “Sorry, sorry. It just stung.” He listened to Skylar explain the situation to him. Well, the first two definitely made sense. Considering the situation. “Right. That makes sense.” He nodded his head, longer than needed, because he was awkward. “I uh- I read that you can get sick right? If you don’t change?” He asked again. He was genuinely curious, though considering their history maybe this wasn’t the best topic of conversation. “Sorry- sorry. None of my business. We can change the subject.”

“Don’t blame yourself. It’s not anyone’s fault. Except for the crazy guy who was selling evil watermelons.” Skylar said with a shake of her head. Why were those things even out at the farmer’s market anyway? When he jolted at the sting of alcohol, she backed off immediately. But, he seemed okay over all? She continued to clumsily wrap the wound, her fingers unused to the task. Medical stuff wasn’t her forte. If anything, she’d usually been the one receiving treatment. Getting tested by specialists and seeing doctors and having them try and figure out what was wrong with her. When really… the only thing wrong with her was that her parents weren’t telling the truth. At Rio’s question, Skylar’s lips pursed together in a thin line and she focused on tying off the bandage. “Mhm. That’s what happens, apparently.” She said. She didn’t want to think about this right now, but if he was bringing it up… If his research could tell him this much, maybe he could help her figure out a way to be normal. How to undo this… situation.

Skylar brought up a good point. Orion had to wonder how those things showed up at the farmer’s market in the first place. She had to be right- someone brought those things there on purpose. Did someone… grow those things? Had they brought them there with the sole purpose of setting them free on unsuspecting bystanders like Orion and Skylar? And Orion shouldn’t have been unsuspecting- he knows about the supernatural. He should have known about what those things were. If he was a real Scribe, he would have known. Orion understood that look that Skylar had. The two seemed to feel similarly about themselves. The hatred of what they were. He just wished Skylar didn’t feel that way about herself. He would need to do more research. Maybe the more he learned about Selkies, the more he could teach Skylar. In turn she would stop hating what she was. Maybe. “Well… seriously I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me. I can help clean up and then I promise to get out of your hair.”

“It’s okay. I’m happy to help, when I can.” Skylar said, gesturing to the sloppily wrapped bandage. “I’m not… good at this kind of first aid stuff, but maybe I should take some classes or something. With how often people are getting hurt, it might not be a bad idea.” She said with a sigh. The adrenaline had faded from her body and it had left her exhausted. Tiredness seeped into her bones and she was on her last legs. Slumping back in her chair, Skylar rested her head in her hands. “You don’t need to do anything, you’re good, honestly. I can get this stuff taken care of by myself.” She said with a weary smile. She’d get it all figured out, she’d handle the mess, and then she’d take a nice long shower and go to bed. It wasn’t even technically night time yet, but she just needed this day to be over.

Orion laughed, though there wasn’t much humor in it, “Yeah, well. We shouldn’t have to be good at first aid stuff. If this town would just give us a break every now and again.” His arm still hurt, though he had to admit that it felt better now that it had been cleaned and wasn’t wrapped in a sweatshirt. “But I may be able to show you a few things. I’m not an expert or anything, but my dad’s a doctor. He’s shown me a few things.” Not many things that he ever wanted to see or do again, but the first aid may come in handy. At least long enough to get someone to a hospital. He couldn’t tell if Skyar didn’t want to burden Rio or if she wanted him gone. Rio didn’t blame her of course, it was just hard to tell. He pushed himself up from the kitchen table. “I wouldn’t mind or anything but.. I get it. I can head out.” He stood there for a moment longer. Something puzzled him. She really wasn’t going to ask about the scars? It was driving him crazy, the unknown. Skylar had seen them. What was she thinking? He was heading towards the door, ready to escape when he couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m trying to learn self defense.” The lie came to him way easier than it should have, but then again Rio was also trying to be prepared when it came to stuff like this. “With… this town I thought it would be good. Clearly I’m not very good at it right now.”

“Mm. It’d be nice if it would…” Skylar sighed. “But, it seems like it’s just been one thing after another. First weird blood puddles, then fish rain, then the giant lobsters and the stupid chest on the beach with the eyeball in it. And now endless night time.” She shook her head. How were all of these things that had happened? How were any of these things she’d just said real? Her life had turned into some crazy fantasy novel and she honestly just wanted it to go back to normal. “Really? You don’t need to do that, I might just sign up for like… a Red Cross class or something.” She said, shaking her head. As she slumped back in her chair, Skylar stared listlessly in front of her. She wasn’t actually looking at anything, not intentionally. But, when Rio blurted out words, she realized that it probably looked like she’d been staring at him. At his arms. “Huh? Oh. Okay. That’s cool.” She said, slightly confused by his sudden outburst.

Orion just nodded along as Skylar rattled off each thing that had happened in town just since the beginning of the year. It was a long list… one that he hadn’t realized just how heavy the last few months had been until she listed it all together in one neat bullet pointed sentence. “Wow. Yeah. When you say it that way it almost sounds like the town’s not normal.” He tried for a nervous smile. Considering their situation it wasn’t exactly time for jokes, but Ricky had helped Rio see that some light heartedness was good in dark situations. If only Rio’s jokes didn’t fall so flat so often. He supposed that he lacked the confidence. “I mean I’m obviously not an expert or anything. I’m not a pre-med major like my sister. I mean I was. That was my original plan. But I changed course. Sorry that’s not important.” He shook his head, backtracking, “Red Cross is definitely more qualified to teach you this stuff. But the basics I have down pretty well.” Skylar seemed confused by Rio’s outburst which was… peculiar. Had she really planned on not asking him about it? If so, he had practically outed himself which was embarrassing. “I- uh. Sorry. I just saw you looking and didn’t want you to think that I uh like… did it to myself or something. So… okay. Sorry. I can leave now.”

“Definitely not normal.” Skylar echoed, the joke in his voice lost to her. All of the energy she’d been able to muster had been drained from her in the last hour, which made just sitting up a chore. And it was difficult to try and parse together Rio’s words, even with her hearing aids. “Mhm. I think I’ll look into the Red Cross. Thanks, though.” She said with a small smile. As he continued to talk, Skylar realized that he thought she’d been oggling his arms, staring at him-- she hadn’t meant to. She just hadn’t realized that she was even staring off like that. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m--” She shook her head, “I’m just really tired. I was zoning out there.” As Rio offered to leave, a minor feeling of relief made its way through the haze of exhaustion. “That’d be… for the best.” She said with a nod. The second he left, Skylar flopped down face first in bed. Rolling over, she mumbled into her pillow, “I hate farmers markets.”

#p: alm #p: orion quinn #wickedswriting #chronic illness cw #abuse cw

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the-gay-cryptid · 5 years ago

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Okay, I'm super pissed right now and I dont want to bother my friends with this, theyve got shit of their own, I just need to get the angry out of my system.

I want to shave my head. I want to because it would give me a feeling of control and it's the much safer, less permanent, and less painful of my three options: shave head, get piercing, get tattoo. Since whatever I picked would be self done, I naturally went with shaving my head.

I'm no fucking idiot though, I've done my research. I know that, because of my hair type and my own preferences, I dont want it too short. I would first get a #8 attachment, which it the longest you can get. That's what I would use. I looked up a video of someone comparing the lengths of each attachment when actually used on hair, so I have a better idea of what it would actually look like since I'm not good at visualizing lengths.

I was going to tell my mom all this, show her that this isnt a sudden decision, and that I've actually done research and know what to do/expect. It was still entirely possible she'd say no, but this approach was my best chance to convince her.

I told me dad this morning, "I want to shave my head. I think I'd have to order attachments since your clippers are too short, but its definitely doable." I said it this way because I've never had to prove to my dad that I know what I'm doing, like I'm writing a damn research paper.

He wasnt a fan, because he thinks I'll look like a man. He doesnt want me to look too masculine. That's a problem to revisit at a later time. I pointed out that I already look like a boy when I wear hats, my hair grows out fast, and that how he wants me to look isnt my problem. He conceded to all three points, though he still wasnt a fan. He wouldnt stop me, but we both knew I had to convince mom before I even picked up the clippers.

Mom came in, and we said good morning and so on. Then Dad says "she wants to shave her head." Which was the absolute worst possible way to introduce that to my mother.

To her credit, she handled it well. She said she didnt think it would suit my head shape, but if I wanted to I couldn't but if I did it she wasnt going to pay for my hair appointments anymore, even if I grew my hair out again. I wouldnt really mind paying for my own cuts and colors, it's just that it's kinda expensive and I have 10$ and no income until August assuming we're back on campus next semester. I figured I'd think about it.

I took a shower, did makeup, and finished making some earrings I started last night. Then I went to show my parents, because i was proud and I thought they looked cool.

Dad loved them, mom definitely thought they were tacky, but I'm used to that and she's given up trying to convince me that tacky jewelry is bad.

She was making a face that screamed "not a fan", and I asked her why she was making said face. I expected a comment about how people would judge me, and I was totally emotionally prepared for that and ready to let it roll off. But instead, she says

"This doesn't seem like a good use of your time. I just dont feel like enough work is getting done"

I dont know if any of you know this about me, but I'm very sensitive about my work ethic. I've had problems in the past, but I've worked fucking hard to learn the self discipline and time management I have today. It's not perfect, but I'm better than I was. So when people imply that I'm not doing enough, or I'm lazy, or that I'm wasting my time instead of working, I take it a little harder than most.

I didnt linger, because it wouldnt help anyone. I just left and waited in the kitchen to vent to my dad.

"I just wanted to show her something cool." I said. I kept my voice low, because mom has a habit of walking in when I'm venting about her and then getting overly offended and turning it into me being disrespectful. "And she just ignored it-" at which point my dad cut me off. He doesnt like when I complain about mom. He doesnt like the confrontation that occurs if she over hears, and he doesnt like seeing her upset that her kid is implying shes a bad mom. She isnt, but she's not perfect, and as a grown ass woman who lectures me about the same flaw, she should be able to take criticism.

I'm still a bit pissed, so I just grabbed my laptop and went upstairs to do schoolwork. I dont have much to do, since, contrary to my mother's suggestion, I'm very on top of my work, and even ahead on some of it.

Just now, I went down stairs to take a break and grab my house shoes. I talked to my dad a little bit about some netflix shows. Then, because I thought maybe I could sway him a little, I showed him the video of someone comparing all the attachments and how short they actually cut.

I also pointed out that mom wouldve reacted better if hed let me explain what I wanted. He disagreed, so I told him how I'd present the idea:

"I have something I want to do, and I've done a lot of research, so I understand what to do, what I'd need, and how to do it the way I have in mind. I'd like to shave my head, not super short though. I'd use the longest attachment..." et cetera, et cetera.

Basically I'd just prove to her this wasnt decided on a whim. And then I'd ask her opinion. She'd hate it, but at least she'd probably consider it. Even Dad admitted it might have worked.

I started telling him why I wanted to do it, the whole needing to feel in control thing. But he was putting away clothes and heading his and Moms room, and if mom heard me talking through all this she'd get mad and double down on the "fuck no" stance. So I dropped it for now.

But then my dad thought hed be real fucking funny. I was standing in the bathroom with him, and he turned on his clippers and started to reach for my hair. I grabbed his arm to stop him. I knew he was joking, it was just my knee jerk reaction since his clippers have NO attachment and would actually buzz my head completely.

He then said, very smugly, that that's the reaction of someone who doesn't actually want to shave their head. I told him that wasnt funny, and started to explain that I stopped him because it wouldve been the wrong length.

But mom, being in the bedroom right fucking next to us, got PISSED. She then informed us, mainly me, that I wasnt allowed to shave my head, and that she'd be so furious if I did it. And now i was mad with both of my parents.

Since I couldnt be delicate about it anymore, I told her point blank the whole conversation this morning wouldve gone better if dad hadnt said anything, and that I was going to actually explain myself before telling her I wanted to shave my head.

She listened to my whole explanation. I'll give her that. But when I finished, she just hummed and went back to her work. Which is mom for "fuck no, and this is a stupid idea."

As all conversations with my mother inevitably go, I went to the kitchen to talk to dad. I told him he shouldnt have done any of that, and that now, because of him goofing off, mom wasnt taking anything of said seriously.

He told me he was sorry he did that, but that he didn't want me to do it anyway. I reminded him, in far less polite terms than usual, that I dont care what he thinks and that it's my hair and my choice.

He agreed and apologized again, still just as insincere.

Since I didnt have the patience or calmness to try and talk about it further, I went back upstairs. I heard him calling me a little bit ago, probably to talk again, but I'm still fucking angry.

Because of him not only taking away my ability to bring this up with my mom on my own terms, and then ruining any chances of her taking me seriously, theres no way in hell I'm going to be able to do what I wanted. I know shaving my head isnt that big of a deal, but the amount of bullshit its brought out of them both is infuriating.

If he'd just kept his fucking mouth shut this morning, all this could've gone so much better.

#im just mad #and i dont want to bother my froends #and i cant vent to my parents for obvious reasons #and my brother's at work #so its all fucking pent up with nowhere to go #so im putting it here #my post #ranting #venting

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how-gross · 4 years ago

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6 - 3 - 20

So I talked to my mother about Undertale today while I was with her at her job.

She seemed pretty interested, but I know she’ll loose her interest soon once I tell her about the Alphyne ship and the ship between Guard 02 and 01.

She doesn’t admit it, but I know she’s homophobic. Every time I bring up anything that has anything slightly related to a romantic relationship between the same gender, she goes awol. Talking about how God made us to birth and reproduce and populate the Earth.

At this point, I don’t even know if I’m gonna come out to her. I’ve already said once that I’m asexual, and that was from an argument about the crush I had on my female/male friend (he/she are genderfluid). She must have forgotten about it, because when I tried sending a picture to the same friend - we’re still friends it’s just a little bit awkward, plus I still have a crush on her - she asked what the flags were about. My friend had a Bisexual Flag and a Genderfluid pin, but gladly my mom couldn’t see the pin otherwise she would be questioning things and a whole new string of problems would come to light. I had an asexual flag (I’m still questioning my sexuality, but my approach on sex is not sex-repulsed but not too comfortable with having sex either) and a pin that meant Non-binary. She thankfully didn’t see my flag either.

She started asking more and more questions about what asexuality was and why would I think I’m asexual when YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME THAT WHEN I SAID WAS NOT A FAN OF SEX YOU SAID I COULD BE ASEXUAL YOU LITERALLY OFFERED TO ME THAT I CAN BE ASEXUAL AND I ACCEPTED AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA ACT LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ASEXUALITY IS?! IF YOU DIDNT KNOW YOU WOULDNT HAVE OFFERED IT TO ME?! WAS IT JUSF ANOTHER LIE TO GET ME NOT TO LIKE THE SAME GENDER?! JUST LIKE THE LAST TIME WHERE TOU SAID THAT YOU SUPPORT THE LGBT COMMUNITY AND YOU ALLOWED ME TO SUPPORT TI TO- BUT THEN JUST YELL AT ME AGAIN WHEN I SAVE AND POST POSITIVE LGBT STUFF! YOU’RE JUST A BIG LIAR AT THIS POINT!! NOTHING YOU SAY IS TRUE!! AND YOU SAY YOU CAN TTRUST ME!

Then she starts again with new bullshit like “You’ve never had sex before, you don’t know what’s like”, or “soon you’ll have a boyfriend in either high school or college. He’ll want to take things to the next level if you were to get married. Are you just not gonna have a relationship?” LIKE BITCH THAT’S AROMANTIC NOT ASEXUAL AND ASEXUALS COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT IT INVOLVING SEX SEX DOES NTO HAVE TO BE A CURRENT THEME IN A RELATIONSHIP WHEN I ADMITTED MY FEELINFS TO MY FRIEND AND ADMITTED I WAS ACE SHE DIDN TJUDGE ME AF ALL SHE JUST SAID THAT IT WAS FINE I WAS ACE AND THAT SHE STILL LIKED ME NTO EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT REPRODUCTION SHUT UP!!

I’m not sex-repulsed - I just get uncomfortable during sex scenes in a movie - but now she’s making me so upset about this whole thing. She lies about everything and judges me for everything and then starts asking me why I can’t have normal conversations with her. Oh, did I mention That? We had another argument

It was about her asking me a lot of questions about high school and shit and how many friends I’m gonna make and how my relationship with my friends are right now. I was about to get my hair washed and didn’t feel like being bothered, and even if I was comfortable I still don’t talk that much so even if I was a in a good mood I would have answered with short question. Plus the questions themselves were too personal for my liking and I didn’t feel too comfortable with answering them right then and theee, probably when my hair was washed and I could lay down without soaking the sheets with my wet hair.

Then SHE STARTS SAYING STUFF LIKE “why do you always answer me like that?” AND “why can’t you just answer normally” AND “you weren’t like this before. What happened? You used to be so social and talk to me about everything.” THAT’S THE MOTHERFUCKINF REASON CAUSE YOU QUESITONNLITERLALY EVERYTHING!! IF I DONT ANSWER A QUESFION CORRECTLY OR IF I DONT ANSWER IT THE WAY YOUD LIKE YOULL ASK ME STUFF LIKE “why’d you answer it like that” AND “why’d you answer it so weirdly” IF YOU AANT A REASON TO WHY I DONT TALK TO YOU THAT WHY YOU DONT TAKE ME SERIOUSLY YOU QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO AND YOU JXUGE LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING THING EVEN THOUGH LIE ABOUT NOT JUDGING ME.

THEN SHE STARTS PRESSURING ME ASKING ME “why are you not gonna talk to anyone?” AND “you’re not gonna have any friends if you don’t speak up. Stop talking so low.” AND “so you’re just gonna keep two friends?” LIKE BITCH IF I DONT WANT TO TLSK IN SCHOOL TO OTHERS I DONT HAVE TO FUCKIGN TALK BESIDES THE LAST TIME I TALKED OUT LOUD TO ANYONE I WAS MOCKED AT AND CALLED WEIRD AND NEEDY AND ANNOYING AND SHIT. I WAS LITERALLY BULLIED FOR BEING TOO LOUD, THATS WHY I BECAME QUIET. II DONT HAVE TO TALK IF I DONT WANT TO ITS MY MOTHERFUCKING MOUTH.

BESIDES ITS OKYA TO HAVE TWO FRIENDS YOU ACT LIKE I HAVE TO HAVE A WHOLE GROUP OF FRIENDS ADOUND ME AND BE POPULAR AND SHIT WHEN LITERALLY PEOPLE WHO BECOME POPUALR GET TOO INTO IT AND START PEER PRESSURING OFHERS

then she starts lying about “I just don’t want you to fall into the wrong path” like being asexual is wrong and that being apart of the lgbt community is wrong. “I don’t want you to follow others just because you think it’s alright”. Nothing is wrong about the LGBT community and asexuals. Anyone could be who they are. Plus you don’t have to have sex all the time to be in a committed relationship. “You probably thought you were gay (first of all I said I was Bi, not gay. I like both girls and boys.) because your friend was nice to you.” So basically you just called me naive. I mean I admit i am stupid sometimes, but I’ve haven’t fallen in love with someone because they were nice to me. I fell in love with a boy one time because I thought he was cool, and he didn’t even talk to me once. He basically used me and asked me to do all his work for him, and I didn it because I wanted him to like me but turns out he was a jerk and an asshat.

My other friends are nice to me, and I have best friends that are really nice to me, but I haven’t fallen in love with them. So how does that make sense? How does one of my friends with me having a crush on them equal up to them being nice to me and me naively falling for it? Doesn’t add up.

I didn’t argue with her anymore. I didn’t even talk. I just nodded my head to everything until she started saying “stop nodding and talk to me. I don’t even know if you’re listening to what I have to say.”. Oh and the whole talking thing? She gets upset with that too. If I don’t answer Her in a certain way, or if I’m just nodding, or if I’m just staring off into space she thinks what she says is going through one ear and out the others.

I admit the me looking into space thing might come off as not listening, but the other stuff like nodding and and answering a certain way doesn’t make sense. Me answering in a certain way is me giving my opinion. If you don’t agree with that than I can’t share my thoughts with you. That’s why it’s so hard to talk about my thoughts because I think you won’t agree with what to have to say and that it’s better if I just shut up.

And me nodding could come off as not listening - If I wasn’t looking into your eyes. When I look into your eyes, I know what you’re talking about, I’m listening to you. You have my attention.

But that’s all. I have no energy left in me to rant anymore. This is all just mindless thoughts that have been stuck in my mind for a while and I had to let it out.

#vent #mother knows best #acephobia #homophobia

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missjackil · 6 years ago

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My 14x20 Season Finale Opinion

Moriah

This was absolutely AMAZING!! It ranks in there with the Season 4 and 5 finales with me! Definitely one of the best!! I came away from 14x19 saying “ooooh my boys done fucked the fuck up!” and came away from this with “OMG MY BOYS REAAAALLLYYY FUCKED THE FUCK UP!!!!” So without further ado, let's get to it.

Absolutely nothing I predicted to happen happened. Even with clues given from trailers, sneak peeks and spoiler shots, which is fantastic, because that means they can still surprise me, have not gotten too predictable, and the writing is STILL top notch!

I was completely and pleasantly thrown by the segment where no one could lie. This is the first finale that had a good strong dose of comedy, where it would seem to not fit but was so well done it was great! It was reminiscent of Lebanon which started off very light and humorous and quickly changed to deeply dramatic. Since the beginning, one of my favorite things about this show is its ability to take me through so many different emotions in just one episode.

We start off with a very angry Jack. Sam Dean and Cas looking on in terror as he emerges from the smoke. Sam, though a little terrified, actually shows a little relief that Jack made his way out. .Now Dean and Cas have at it, because Dean wants Jack dead and Cas does not. Which solidifies that this, season 14, is the first season in 10 years that had absolutely 0 Destiel moments (Thank you Dabb!!) not a welcome back hug, no “sex eyes” no stupid mixx tape... nada zip nothing :) so while so many of you have bitched since Dabb took over in S12, that he's breaking down the brothers’ co-dependency and is a Destiel stan, he has proven both accusations wrong by a long shot.

Now let's move on to the story. Jack walks through town and hears everyone lying to each other. One of the first things we know he has learned is that lying is bad. He’s expressed this a few times that he is uncomfortable with it, now even without a soul, he doesn’t like it, so he orders everyone to stop lying, simply by shouting it. I knew this was going to be fun.

Sam and Dean go to a facial recognition company to try to find Jack. Right away I notice that the sign says “Mirror Universe” and they hold the shot for a moment, making me wonder if this is something I might want to remember later. Not unlike in Lebanon when the boys walked up to the pawn shop and their reflections appeared over the sign “Precious Pawn”. Are these things a hint to something, like in 7x02 when Sam and Hallucifer/Dean got to the office building that was named “Morning Star Inc” (Lucifer is Latin for Morning Star)? Could just be a coincidence but Im going to put that on my “hmmmm” shelf.

Right away Dean comments about the nerds and Sam says “Takes one to know one” and we know they can’t lie either. We learn Dean is not only a geek also, but watches Jeopardy every night, and Sam’s favorite singer is Selene Dion! This tickles me because I love learning new things about Sam, and my little wincest heart sighs at the thought of My Heart Will Go On, Because You Loved Me, and It’s All Coming Back to Me Now are songs maybe he thinks about Dean to?

On that note, I must include that my good friend @supernaturalnardog pointed out that in the early years, being made to tell the truth, led the brothers to say biting, resentful things about each other, and now it was just silly brother teasing. How much closer and trusting they have grown since those days 😍

Meanwhile, we have Cas doing something that made no sense to me. After bitching at Sam and Dean about trying to contain Jack in the Malak box, he is now trying to get into Hell so he can see if he can put Jack in the cage?? Ummm sure yeah Cas, that's a much better choice. Jack goes to find Kelly’s parents, and sadly, they don't like him anymore. They looked him up and no one heard of him, and Kelly’s peers believe she is dead. Grandmom believes Jack killed her. She screams at him and all we see are glowy eyes and STOP!! Ugggh did he just Mary Winchester another grandmom?? Back at the ranch, Chuck shows up agrees with Cas that Jack is a problem and they go meet up with Sam and Dean. Dean is automatically pissed and breaks Chuck’s guitar, the office is crazy with people telling the truth, so Chuck zaps them all back to the bunker to talk. Emotions rise from there...

Cas splits to go find Jack, Chuck talks to the boys makes them a gun that can kill anything, but the catch is, that whatever the gun does to someone else, it also does to the shooter. Dean takes the gun.

After some monologuing between Cas and Jack, we go back to Dean in his room, filling a flask. Sam is looking for him, so Dean invites him in and asks him to have a seat. Here comes “the talk” that Sam must be all too familiar with now. Dean informs Sam that he’s going to kill Jack, and consequently kill himself as well. Looking for Sam’s approval, blessing, acceptance, or whatever, Sam isn’t having it this time. He admits he’s still angry with Jack and part of him still wants him dead too, but

“Dean, we never even tried to save him!” “He killed mom!” “He has no soul!” “And who’s fault is that?” I actually thought Dean was blaming Sam for a second, until Sam took the blame himself and Dean’s expression clearly showed that wasn’t what he was trying to say, he was trying to say it’s Jack’s fault he has no soul.

Sam says it’s his own fault because he brought him back, and Jack burned his soul off saving both of their lives. So Sam tells Dean if he thinks hes going to give him permission to go kill Jack and himself, so he can lose them both all at once, then no... just no.... he’s lost too much already. Sam peaces out.

Sam meets up with Chuck and the meta here made me a little dizzy to be honest. Chuck reveals that Sam and Dean are his guys, of all the Sams and Deans in all the universes, they’re his favorite. They’re SO interesting. And now Sam manages to make me feel guilty about watching them over and over and even writing fic. I empathize with Chuck a little bit here because he “writes” them this way because they're his favorites. They’re the most amazing heroes ever, they save the world but to BE those heroes, they need to go through tragedy. Show of hands here how many of you Sam girl’s write or enjoy fics with hurt!sam? Or Dean girls who write/enjoy hurt!dean? Wouldnt it suck if the boys in your stories started yelling at you to stop it?? What a dark and crazy thought! And I empathized with Sam too, because of how much I love episodes like Red Meat because Sam is badass... but now hes kinda saying, “why did I have to suffer like that to show you Im a badass??” ya feel me fam??

Anyway. Sam gets very angry and then Chuck tells him Dean already left. Dean is at the cemetery about to shoot Jack with the special gun, and Sam doesn't want this, Jack is on his knees, telling Dean he understands and its ok. It flashed me back to the end of S10. Dean cant do it and drops the gun. Chuck is like “nooo pick it up this is the big Abraham sacrificing his only son on Moriah and Dean’s like “nope” and he doesn't even care if Chuck brings mom back in the trade. He’s done, Chuck can fekk off... Chuck’s like fine snaps his fingers and the lights all go out and Jack dies, Dean goes after Chuck and Chuck flings him hard. Sam is completely done, gets the gun and is like fekk all “Chuck dies, I die, Dean dies, the whole freakin universe dies... GAME OVER!” But (un)luckily Sam misfired. And dont @ me Sam and Dean both are crack shots, but they also miss pretty often. And Chuck, from what Ive seen between the show and the fandom said “If all you can do is bitch about the show? Welcome to The End”

Now we are being shown all Sam and Deans hard work being undone. From the Lady in White in 1x01 to John Wayne Gayce’s ghost in Lebanon. All the demons rising and the graves spitting out their dead and ganging up on 2 pretty helpless Winchesters and a pretty useless angel. My boys done fUcKeD tHe FuCk UP!!!! Jack is in The Empty, he’s awake with The Entity and Billie... I cant even imagine where this is going.

Im fairly sure this storyline won't come to a close in a few episodes in the beginning of next season. Since its the final season (side eyes the haters who made sure of it by bitching and not just changing the damn channel like civilized humans would) it will probably be a season-long arc and have reconciliation between the boys and Chuck by the end. If we have learned anything from the past 14 years of this show, its that good intentions don't always turn out good, with love we can forgive some pretty bad shit, and unfortunately, we tend to hurt the ones we love most.

Overall I think this was one of the best finales we’ve seen. I plan to write about and meta the crap out of what's gone on this whole season, because I think the season itself, aside from a few crapisodes, (which every season has) was by far one of the best!

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, Im giving this a 9. Well done everyone... well done!!

#supernatural #14x20 spoilers #Moriah spoilers #my opinion #great job

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