#and i feel like i am supposed to be living for both of us and instead I'm just wasting two lives at once!

[theflopwonder]

I THINK ABOUT THIS ALLL OF THE TIMEEEEEEEE.

(also teehee i will be using this as an excuse to discuss what realistic racial dynamics in Gotham would look like bc I am a black new jersyian, which isn’t the point of this post but it activated my ranting chip, and is going to mirror a lot of what op says)

The thing that a lot of comic writers like to skimp over, unless it's to perpetuate harmful stereotypes, is that disenfranchised neighborhoods, particularly in the inner city, where Batman's work is initially concentrated, especially in the early years, are usually overwhelmingly populated by black and brown people. Historically, for black people specifically, this is because of a Great Migration period during Jim Crow where black folks would come up to the more industrialized north for increased job opportunities and less racism. This is why Newark, NJ has such a high African-American population to this day, it was one of the hotspots.

As a black person who has lived in both NJ suburbs and its inner cities, inner city gothamites would not like Batman for a long ass time, if at all. Why? A lot of comics will focus on Batman stopping a drug deal or a gang member, but do nothing to address the socioeconomic conditions, or demonstrate cultural competency in portraying these neighborhoods' relationship to drug dealing, drug addicts, gang affiliation, and organization, which is often very morally complex, and SURE AS HELL doesn't consider their relationships to police forces or assumes that the power dynamic is shifted in favor of the black and brown inner-city neighborhoods, rendering the cops useless and letting crime prevail which is even WORSE and just blatantly untrue.

OR They just take on a paternalistic view of "these neighborhoods and the people in them need to be saved from themselves". So they have this white man swoop in and save the day and everybody in the neighborhood is just supposed to love him, while the uptight politicians are the ones who have the criticism so you, as the viewer, will already have the seeds of hate planted so you feel vindicated when they are revealed as corrupt and THAT'S the real reason they hate Batman.

In the beginning, Batman will be seen as someone who contributes to the prison industrial complex. He is not helping the citizens of Gotham, he is just a cop. He is a symbol of another white man wreaking havoc on a predominately black neighborhood, and the police won't do anything to stop him. This will even be exacerbated by him beginning to work with the police. If Batman wants to be looked upon fondly by the people he is supposedly helping, he's going to have to acknowledge the racial divide between uptown and downtown Gothamites. He is going to have to WORK for his respect and understand the reasons why he, as Batman, may never get it

(my headcannon is that No Man's Land is when the perspectives of BOTH Bruce Wayne and Batman's reputations turned into net positives. For Bruce it was going to Congress and being the only one to fight directly for them, [as one of the major points of NML was how unfair it was to poor people]. For Batman, it's that when he couldn't get the kids left in NML out of the city, he stayed and protected them anyway. He didn't just go running off like everybody else [even tho he technically did, but y'know, they don't know that), and leave them stranded and alone? That's worthy of respect to them.)

Now if I was too apply ALL OF THIS to Red Hood ... the one shred of hope of black and brown citizens of Gotham would have is that Batman does not use lethal force. He will ruff up our people, break an arm or a leg or a nose, but he will not gun them down. He will not use lethal force. They will not lose their lives. He will let them see another day. And if they see another day, then they have the possibility to do better, and THAT is where Batman and the people of Gotham's hood will be able to find common ground and coexist with each other.

That is completely gone when Red Hood enters the scene.

No, people in the Gotham's hood would not like Red Hood, he would just make things worse. Way worse. He would be the actuality of what everyone feared about Batman. He would ruin a decade's worth of work that Batman put in trying to fix his reputation within these neighborhoods.

You only understand that when you understand black and brown people's relationship with law enforcement.

They will mistake black and brown mothers telling their children to be inside before the streetlights come on as "lower crime rates" and would they be correct? On the surface, sure. But it wouldn't be because of anything productive, it would be because you have successfully scared an entire neighborhood into complacency. You've essentially put them under unofficial marital law dictated by a myth and justified it by saying "Well Batman only scares people who need to be scared,"

(They do this in Batman v Superman, very blatantly, and with a Black woman saying it verbatim, and it's ... it's an interesting choice, I go back and forth on how I feel about it considering the timeline conditions but for now I digress).

I'd even go as far as to argue that the ONLY people who would like Batman as a concept from jump are non-black people in the suburbs. Batman is the type of idea that allows white people to have a conscious spa day, to offer up a simple solution to a complex problem so they don't have to do any deeper thinking about it. He is the whitest of the white savior concepts. Oh he's getting those drug dealers off the street? Thank god, they'll keep that fentanyl away from our promising young and precious suburban kids.

However, once Bruce Wayne began announcing all of these initiatives to help poor people, despite this being the thing that would be what make the crime rates go down and stay down, it also resulted in black and brown people ascending in socioeconomic status oh..... now those kids from the hood are going to be moving into our good schools.... they're going to corrupt our children and expose them to guns and drugs and gangs OH NO! NOT MY GOTHAM!

Semi-Anecdotally and Semi-Historically: This happens a lot in NJ & NY. Speaking for NJ, this happens a lot with kids in inner cities like Newark, who will move downwards to places like Plainfield, and then Plainfield becomes essentially segregated in everything but schools, and people will worry that those "Newark Gangsters" will corrupt their kids, so they move them down further into suburbia to like ... Edison, or Piscataway, where high housing is enough to keep people out. Then they begin defunding Plainfield schools, and stationing Plainfield cops in black parts of town until they decide to gentrify the neighborhood again.

(This is also why you shouldn't listen to people who question why people still live in Gotham. At one point, Camden was one of the most dangerous cities in the world. It is also a college town. Newark is still not a very safe place to live. It is ALSO technically a college town)

Canon-Wise, let's look at Robin issues 25 & 26 (my detested) where a storyline about bringing guns to school has one of Tim's classmates say this verbatim.

He ends up losing his life to a black student via gunshot. It’s framed as ambiguous but to me there’s an obvious reason why this escalated LMFAO don't put your hands on people in a school hallway.

Despite the fact that both kids pull out a gun at the exact same time, and shoot the exact same amount of bullets, who do you think gets more sympathy from both Tim and from the narrative altogether?

Whose motives are positioned as higher in moral value?

Who’s motives are ever even considered?

Who is Tim allowed to lecture gently, vs who is he and Bruce allowed to hunt down, scare, and capture?

This story is allowed to have emotional weight for Tim because he knows Karl. It deliberately attempts to make the reader lose sympathy for Young El because they attach him to a gang.

Batman does make a point to mention that it just easily could’ve been Young-El that died, but it only positions Karl as the only who “doesn’t understand his choice”. They’re the same age. Both high school students. Could it not also be argued that Young El’s situation is worse because he is being exploited by a gang, that is also taking advantage of the fact that he does not fully comprehend the choices that he makes? Or does that only apply to poor former bully jock Karl Ranck.

Let’s also unpack that subtle but glaring racism.

1. The immediate assumption that Young-El will re-offend is racist. Although Tim says it directly, Bruce also indirectly agreeing (but conditionally to prop up the "usefulness" of Batman). Was Young El the first person to say it? Sure, but that's just more racism being perpetuated by the narrative because it's not being done to try to make the reader understand black and brown people's relationship to the incarceration system and why recidivism commonly happens, it's meant to portray Young El as a mouthy kid resisting arrest for a crime he committed.

It offers no sympathy towards him even though he is just as much a pawn in the city’s corruption as any other child that falls into a gang. If anything this should be more incentive to y’know … make sure he has help upon release but hey what do I know?

2. This moment, specifically:

If we are analyzing this keeping in mind that Young El does not know who Robin is, but can fully hear this statement being made towards him, ABOUT HIM, in this context that means this can now be considered a VERY racist micro-aggression being aimed towards him. To even hit on the point of each citizen preferring a different vigilante, this is now a reason that Robin's reputation is in the negatives. If I can't count on you to arrest me without being subjected to what can easily be taken as a racial microaggression (because again, he doesn't know who Tim is, or his relationship to this crime and it is unrealistic to expect him to, all he knows is that this white kid is arresting him and telling him that he's essentially too stupid to understand him, which is reinforcing a racial power dynamic) there is now nothing separating you from a regular degular cop.

2. The idea that the fear of seeing Batman will be enough for Young El to not re-offend is racism. That’s not hope for someone's future, that's a form of oppression and is AGAIN fueled by the narrative’s refusal to extend any sympathy to Young El. Telling black and brown citizens that "beyond the law and the courts" (that have historically tried to eradicate us btw) there is …. More fear? More reason to be afraid of the world? And then you wanna end the comic talking about some damn PEACE?????? PEACE FOR WHO???????

Also Bruce’s smile in that panel about scaring Young El … that’s amusing to you? Scaring high school kids that you’re supposed to help? That’s how you want Batman to be “useful”? High school children being exploited by gangs are the people that are supposed to be afraid of the Batman? Oh that’s not… anyway.

In the panel before that one, THEY'RE STILL pointing guns at Young El and the gang, despite the fact that if they are being detained they have already been frisked and had their weapons taken away already.

Sure you can argue that this is less a Batman problem and more reflection of how this actually happens in real life, but idk if I’m writing a story where a deliberate point is made that my protagonists don’t use lethal force … but then they disappear on top of a building and watch as these children and adult gang members are submitting under the threat of lethal force, despite having no weapons no drugs and no way of escape …. you see the problem here?

Hate this mini-arc sooooooo bad. even tho I do think about it a lot when thinking about Tim's relationship with school violence. it's a watershed moment for him and so important to his development, but it's also racist as fuck.

I SAY ALL OF THIS TO SAY. There's a lot of this bullshit that basked into comics, hell, into Batman's very conception that makes it easy to fly over people's heads. I'm sympathetic to it, I first read Robin when I was 15. A LOT of shit was flying over my head. But I do encourage you all to approach these stories with a more critical eye, as they can and do help deepen your understanding of these characters.

And let’s be honest— modern ideas of crime are intrinsically tied to American racial ideologies (the modern American inception of cops is deliberately based on slave catchers). Without considering that nuance, Batman (and definitely Red Hood) can very quickly become another layer of fear and control rather than people who are truly trying to help these neighborhoods thrive.

I know we tend to roll our eyes at "Batman beats up poor people and mentally ill!!!" takes cuz most of the time they're ridiculous and said by people who do not interact with canon but like ... the idea that one person's savior is another person's boogieman is very true, and NOT ALWAYS GOOD, especially if we are considering the usefulness of an american Batman, who is not exempt from american racial dynamics, which very obviously exist in his fictional Gotham, even if subtextually through speech, through drawing, through panel sequencing, etc. Batman is a fantasy, but his lasting power as a character is fundamentally dependent on how well of a reflection he is of real life, and THIS would be the real-life makeup of a real-life Gotham City. I spend a lot of this post critiquing, but I still love these characters, and it's because I love them, that these dynamics are so interesting to explore.

Anyway rant over, I probably did a shit job at convincing y'all but if you made it to the end of this long-ass post, YES PLEASE. EVERYBODY, PLEASE READ CANON.

You know what I've realized these past several months on Tumblr and just...years of consuming content?

It's pretty rare for the fandom to acknowledge Gotham as a city. A real, living city with people in it. Like, sure we always get cutesy posts about Batman or the others from outside perspectives or fics that include interesting ocs (I love u if you do that btw).

But what I mean isn't that. What I mean is: does anyone think of Gotham and its citizens as actual people? Because I've sure seen kind of the opposite.

I see constant arguments or heavily biased (mostly misinformed) posts regarding what Bruce does and how the Batman helps the city. That his riches would get lost in corruption and no one can save the city unless there's violence. You could try and make the argument, sure. But we've seen time and time again in comics that Bruce uses his money to the benefit of the city. We've seen in comics that he employs people who are disadvantaged and gives them opportunities. People know Bruce Wayne gives jobs and treats his employees well. He donates heavily to charities, creates his own organizations, funds Leslie Thompkin's clinic, and consistently updates the safety of his own buildings. People (at least post-Crisis) would know that Bruce Wayne did everything he could to save Gotham after the Cataclysm earthquake/No Man's Land - that he went up against Congress. Of course, not everyone would like Batman. Not everyone would trust the Wayne name. They'd see a stranger who prowls nightly and may or may not rescue you. They'd see the privilege of an old rich name who gets to exert his influence over the city. If you go to him for help, you go to him with the fear, and anticipation of rejection or with the knowledge that he will be safe.

I've also seen the (imo) ridiculous notion that Crime Alley citizens would trust the Red Hood. Maybe some would now, after the reboots and actual comic book evidence that he's doing something. But I cannot fathom living in a city with such heavy crimes occurring and then trusting what is essentially a cop. People don't know the Red Hood. They don't know Jason Todd. They would only know: 1. he has tried and succeeded various times to take over organized crime and drug routes 2. he can and will kill if he sees it fit. In some people's eyes, he would be a cop with even less judicial oversight. In some families, he would be the killer of their breadwinner, of their fathers or family members or lovers. A man with a gun. Eyes without a face. If you go to him for help, you go to him for blood.

This doesn't even begin to lay out the insane amount of vigilantes who live/operate in Gotham. The Batman is not the only figure. The Red Hood is not the only figure. If you boil down Gotham to only the conflict between these two characters, you miss the nuances and varied opinions of the city by miles. If you boil down Gotham to just Batman-affiliates, you miss even more.

For every person who doesn't trust Batman, there's someone who'd prefer Huntress. For every child who lives in fear but can't trust an adult, there's Robin or Batgirl. For an abused woman, there's other women out there who help: Catwoman or Black Canary or Holly Robinson. There's people who'd never trust a vigilante but want safety, they'd have Leslie Thompkins (who operates in Crime Alley) or Lucius Fox who could give them a job.

Not to mention, Batman is very obviously white. There would be some people who would rightfully mistrust white men, and would prefer figures like Orpheus or Onyx or Batwing or the Signal or Huntress (post-N52). There's the Creeper, who would be terrifying but some might prefer the monster over the man. There's Ragman, an explicitly Jewish vigilante who was literally called the Tatterdemalion of the Oppressed and trusted by the poor and homeless. There's Batwoman, Mother Panic, Spoiler, Nightwing, Red Robin, Azrael, Bluebird, the enigmatic idea of the Oracle, Anarky, Ghostmaker, Gotham Girl/Boy, Catman, Alan Scott-Green Lantern, Wildcat.

Hell, maybe someone who lives in Gotham would just straight up trust Superman or the Flash or Wonder Woman more than anyone else. Maybe they'd never once trust someone acting for a perceived view of justice and would just trust an employer like Two-Face or the Riddler or any mobster.

I'm stressing my point here: when you write anyone who lives in Gotham City, keep in mind that they don't know they live in a comic book world. Secret identities are foreign to them, they only know the base actions of each vigilante. Each person's opinion will heavily vary. Every experience colors their view of the city and vigilantes as a whole. Just, idk, widen your horizons and consider about what someone living in a place like Gotham would really think.

To that end, read the comics!!! Research actual cities!!! Take in experiences and history!!! It's all interesting and just adds so much more.

You want one comic that shows Bruce helping Gotham and the various views of Gothamites, read Gotham Knights #32, published in 2002 and titled "24/7." Read it online illegally if you have to!!

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Romantic Ending Ch. 24

Chapter 23 Letter

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

I don't know what to call this heart-wrenching pain, but morning comes nonetheless.

My feet are heavy as I tread the dry earth leading to the city, and the scorching sunlight makes it harder to breathe than usual.

Emma: This is terrible...

The city in the Land of Illusion has completely changed since the other day.

Things are scattered about as if a war had taken place, and exhausted people are busy cleaning up.

The soldiers patrolling the city are filled with tension, and small disputes are breaking out here and there.

Man: Are you saying God has abandoned us?

Woman: What else could it be!? We've been forsaken!

Woman: The sanctuary has been taken over by traitors, and the worst criminals are still roaming the streets!

Woman: Even in this state, God doesn't show himself. The God who was supposed to protect us...!

Man: Surely something has happened to the Living God!

Woman: There's no way anyone could do anything to the Living God!

(...Kamal is still on the run, and the sanctuary, the symbol of the sacred, remains captured.)

(Distrust of Azel is growing, and the people who don't know a world without God are divided in their opinions.)

(Unaware that all of this is going according to God's plan.)

I make my way to the back of the city, passing by the small squabbles.

As rumored, the sanctuary seems to have been taken over by the forces that rebelled against God. I can't see inside the sanctuary, which is surrounded by a high wall, but I can see the red moon flag standing at the gate.

What does this flag, which defiles the beautiful moon, mean? – The breath I inhaled felt like it was burning my chest.

Soldier: You there, wait!

I am called out to by one of the soldiers surrounding the sanctuary, and I show my face.

Soldier: ...You are Miss Emma, aren't you?

Emma: Were you looking for me?

Soldier: The apostle has ordered us to "protect" you.

(It's a hostage situation under the guise of protection.)

The soldier calls out to his nearby comrades, cutting off my escape route.

Soldier: Will you please come with us?

It was a situation where I had no say in the matter.

I lower my eyes and hide my loosening lips with my hair.

Emma: Gladly.

(...I've been placed under house arrest.)

It's not quite like being treated as a criminal, but there are soldiers stationed outside my guest room, and I can't come and go freely.

I heard the Owner protesting outside, and a short while ago I passed a note to the soldier that said, "Don't worry."

Perhaps everyone is sensing the end somewhere, because the castle, like the city, is filled with tension.

I opened the window, wanting to let the heavy air escape outside.

(...When that sun turns to moon, it's goodbye.)

(...Really... was there no other way?)

There's a gentle knock on the door, and I answer.

Even before I see them, I can guess who the visitors are.

Apostle: Miss Emma, I'm so glad you're safe. I noticed you were missing after that and was worried, but...

Enis: What happened to your arm?

Both the apostle and Enis stare at the bandages covering half of my body.

Emma: I was slightly injured... Please don't worry.

Apostle: How dreadful. Enis, please arrange for a doctor later.

(...But the apostle is the cause.)

The frightening thing about the apostle is that his words of "dreadful" feel genuine.

Emma: By the way, you two came to ask about the Living God, right?

I push aside my complicated feelings and bring it up myself. Enis gasps audibly, and the apostle hides all emotion with a benevolent smile.

Apostle: So you did meet the Living God, Miss Emma.

Emma: It was Prince Azel who treated this injury.

Emma: He entrusted me with a "divine oracle" to be conveyed to the The Reverend Apostle and King Enis without fail.

(...I was the one who said I was a priestess, not a slave, but...)

(I never thought I'd actually be doing a priest's job at the very end.)

*flashback*

Azel: A priest is a public servant who serves God.

Azel: Their duties are varied, but the most excellent priests are given the right to become God's spokesperson.

Emma: So, you mean like the apostle?

Azel: He's more of a phony scammer than a spokesperson, a scammer.

Azel: In the first place, my generation didn't establish the position of priest. It's just a hassle.

Azel: Therefore, as the one and only priest, I grant you the right to become my spokesperson.

Azel: Tell everyone what I'm about to say... and tell that dreamy old man.

*flashback over*

Emma: "The last moon rises in the sky, and the people awaken from their long dream."

Emma: "The incarnation of the moon departs from the mundane world, and a new moon is born."

Emma: "The newborn moon pierces through nothingness, and the promised reality also returns to nothingness."

Emma: "When the moon reaches its zenith, the final oracle will be given."

Emma: "Tonight, gather at the stage of offering."

Emma: "May you all awaken from your dreams and tread upon the earth of reality."

As I convey every single word entrusted to me by Azel, a dry wind enters the room.

My hair is whipped up, and the unicorn earrings sway.

Emma: Please tell the people.

Emma: That is the Living God's final wish for the apostle and Enis.

The silence continues for a long time.

Next to Enis, who has a gloomy expression, the apostle may be calculating all sorts of things.

Apostle: Thank you, Miss Emma. If those are the words of the Living God, we must make them public.

Apostle: However, I find it very distressing to convey the words of the Living God to the people in this current situation.

Apostle: If we convey the divine oracle of the Living God to the people in the midst of chaos, it will only incite further fear.

Apostle: Even if it is the will of the Living God, I cannot condone words that would lead to disorder.

Apostle: I pray that you will understand.

(...This is all unfolding exactly as Azel predicted.)

(He reads the opponent's moves like the back of his hand and makes the next move with certainty.)

(Now that I'm his ally, I can feel the full extent of Azel's fearfulness.)

He's reassuring as an ally, but as an enemy, I can't see any chance of winning.

The more God's script progresses, the less likely it is that unexpected variables will occur.

Emma: Do you feel the same way, King Enis?

Enis: ...Yes. The apostle's judgment is also my judgment.

Emma: Then, it's fine if you pretend you didn't hear the oracle just now.

Emma: However, you can't stop people from talking... I hope it hasn't spread.

*flashback*

Aisha: To put Miss Emma under house arrest, I will protest strongly!

Nadia: To subject Miss Emma to such injustice is unforgivable, even for the king or the apostle!

Emma: Thank you. It's reassuring that you two came to my aid immediately, even in this situation.

Aisha/Nadia: "Miss Emma..."

Emma: Actually... there's something I'd like to ask of you two. Would you listen?

Aisha: Of course! We are Miss Emma's caretakers.

Nadia: Is it about meals? Baths? Or...

Aisha: Is it a secret you can't tell the king or the apostle?

Emma: ...Hehe, you see right through me.

Emma: I want you to spread what I'm about to tell you throughout the city.

*flashback over*

Apostle: ...This is troubling. To think you had already made arrangements.

Apostle: The Living God has always been wise; a mere mortal like me is no match for him.

(He says that, but the apostle isn't very surprised. He must have had some idea.)

Judging from the fact that the maids were able to meet with me, it seems he isn't seriously trying to stop the oracle from spreading.

(Even if he stopped me, someone else would spread it, so perhaps he decided it was a bad move to allocate personnel here.)

Apostle: Miss Emma, at this rate, we may truly lose the Living God.

Emma: That's why you gathered King Enis and me here, isn't it?

Emma: The Living God is watching this commotion from somewhere. It's because the apostle is certain of that...

Emma: ...that you intend to publicly execute us as accomplices of the great criminal, aren't you?

When I present the next development in advance, the apostle's benevolence deepens.

Enis, who is next to him, only makes a bitter face.

Perhaps he had anticipated this from the beginning.

Apostle: Is "that" also a prophecy from the Living God?

Emma: It is.

*flashback*

Azel: When that old man is cornered, he tends to resort to simplistic ideas.

Azel: He's probably confident that if he crucifies you and Enis, I'll definitely show up.

Emma: ...Am I going to be subjected to such a terrible fate?

Azel: You're going to be my ally, right?

Emma: ......... I-I'll do my best.

Azel: Don't agree! It was a joke! That's not the part you should be trying hard at!

Azel: Besides, if you're crucified, Akatsuki will turn into a weapon of mass destruction.

Emma: That's no good...!

Azel: ...If that really happens, I might end up killing the old man too.

Emma: .....?

Azel: Anyway, to prevent you from being humiliated, we need to take action first.

Azel: This is the time to use our trump card––

*flashback over*

Apostle: ––The Living God must have bestowed his protection upon you, hasn't he?

Apostle: It's been strangely quiet outside for a while now.

(Now that he mentions it, I can't hear anything.)

(It's not like there's a ban on passing in front of the guest room, so there should be the sound of people coming and going...)

Perhaps realizing that we are standing on the stage of a script written by God, the apostle tilts his head sorrowfully.

As if I were the villain and he the victim.

Apostle: Miss Emma, do you truly have no regrets?

Apostle: What you are trying to do is the grave sin of killing God.

Apostle: Even if you are not directly responsible...

Apostle: If you are indirectly involved, it is the same as you killing the Living God.

Apostle: If you cooperated with me now, we might be able to stop it.

Emma: .........

Emma: ...Once, I asked Prince Azel a question.

Emma: "What is true love?"

Emma: Prince Azel, the Living God, is loved by more people than anyone else.

Emma: But to me, that love didn't seem real.

Apostle: ...That's a very interesting story.

Apostle: If your feelings towards our God are not love, then what is love by your definition?

(...I love that unscrupulous God.)

(Because I came to love him, I hope my current choice is the answer to that question.)

I gently cup the unicorn earring swaying by my ear with my fingers.

Emma: To wish for what is best for that person, not for yourself...

Emma: Even if it means getting hurt, wouldn't continuing to think about what's best for the other person be love?

Apostle: ......

Apostle: ...I cannot agree. How can one wish for the best for another without being happy themselves?

(Perhaps the apostle has a point.)

(But he doesn't know how much that "own happiness" has caused Azel pain...)

???: ...Did you hear that? That's truly a Big Love.

???: Hey, read the room.

(.....!)

The voices coming from beyond the door were not something I had been informed of beforehand.

???: That's why I didn't want to use you guys. It's a hassle.

(!?)

Taken aback even further, I rush to the door and throw it open with all my might.

Immediately, the two people who seem to have been eavesdropping outside lose their balance and fall into the room.

Clavis, who has fallen on top of Luke, raises his hand in greeting as soon as he sees me.

Clavis: Long time no see, Emma... wait, what happened to your arm?

Luke: That's a serious injury. Who did that, that old geezer?

Clavis: What has he done to my daughter?

Luke: It's okay to do him in, right?

Emma: This was kind of an accident! I'm glad you're both alright, Prince Clavis and Prince Luke.

(I was worried when I heard you were missing...)

Clavis: I was caught up in the schemes of a certain noble. I was enjoying a super fun captive life, but...

Clavis: I heard you were in danger, so I kicked aside the soldiers and rushed here.

Luke: I mean, if you just said "move aside," they'd all move aside.

The "you" that Luke addressed was not Clavis.

???: No. The soldiers are on the apostle's side. Because no one wants God to die.

???: I can't move freely without hiring private soldiers like you.

A figure with their face deeply hidden by a sand-shielding mantle enters the room and closes the door.

The face that emerged as they removed their hood sent a wave of tension through the room from behind me.

Enis: ...The Living God.

Azel: If you hide a tree, hide it in the forest; if you hide sand, hide it in the desert; if you hide a prince, hide him in the castle... right?

(I wasn't told Azel was coming.)

(He said he was going to stay hidden until the time came.)

Apostle: I never expected the Living God himself to come all this way.

Azel: Oh, I didn't come here to see you, old man.

Azel: My business is with...

The mystical eyes turn towards Enis, who stands frozen in place.

Azel: Your Majesty. Have you heard about Kamal?

Enis: ...Yes. That he is a traitor who deceived the Living God.

Azel: What do you really think?

Enis: ......

Azel: You're a grown man now. It's time to let go of the past and move on to the future.

Azel: The old man is not someone you, as king, should fear.

Azel strides forward leisurely and holds out something in front of Enis.

(It's the unicorn clasp.)

Azel: From now on, you must lead the country with you at its center.

Azel: If you're afraid of such a small fry, the future looks bleak.

Enis: ........

Azel: It's alright. I guarantee it.

Azel: You are a capable king, and once faith falls, you will be in a more advantageous position than the apostle.

Azel: I will surely shatter the false faith and give you your rightful authority, so...

Azel: Would you grant me my request, "brother"?

Enis has an old, unhealed wound in his heart.

Now, being glared at by the apostle who has lost his smile, it must take courage to make that decision.

Enis slowly opens his tightly clenched fist.

And––he takes the offered clasp.

Enis: I will stop the search for Kamal by the soldiers.

Enis: He is not a traitor, but a brother to be welcomed.

Apostle: Enis....

Enis: Apostle, I, like you... do not wish for the Living God to choose death.

Enis: But, looking him in the eye and speaking with him like this, I realize that this end is what God strongly desires.

Enis: If Kamal is cooperating, then surely this end has meaning.

Enis: If that's the case... I, too, want to be a brother who can consider "what's best."

(Enis... must be hurting just as much as I am, or even more.)

As if accepting that pain, he attaches the unicorn clasp to his clothes.

Enis: Guests of Rhodolite, I apologize, but would you be willing to be hired?

Enis: I want to confine this old man for a while...

Enis: In this country, only those of a different faith can do that.

Clavis: I don't mind, but you're not going to make this an international issue later, are you?

Enis: Certainly not. I want to build a friendly relationship with Rhodolite.

Enis: How about we have a meeting about trade privileges later?

Enis: Tanzanite's economy has been developing rapidly lately. I'm sure I can make a proposal that would be beneficial to your country as well.

Clavis: Hmm... well, that's fine then. We wouldn't want to do it for nothing, would we?

Clavis: Come on, Luke, it's time to work. What kind of traps do you think an old man can withstand?

Luke: Don't do anything unnecessary. We might have to lock you up first.

(What Azel asked me to do was spread the oracle and rescue Enis who was "taken hostage"...)

(With this, I have nothing left to do.)

Azel: Miss Emma, please come with me.

Azel: It would be helpful if you could find a place with me where we can hide until nightfall.

-

A place close to the stage of the end, where there are no people at all––

As we searched for the place Azel desired, the sun began to set.

While dodging the eyes of the people, we finally arrived at a place where we could take a breather. Azel removed the hood that he had been wearing deeply and looked up at the sky.

I finally calmed down and breathed in the air that had cooled with the setting sun.

Emma: I can finally ask you.

Emma: Why did you give me a "different script"?

(I don't understand why you didn't tell me you were coming to the castle.)

Azel: There's nothing wrong with the script I gave you.

Azel: The words I just said to Enis, I was originally going to ask someone else to say them.

Azel: If we're found by the crowd now, the plan will be ruined.

Emma: Then why...

After a silence that made me wonder whether I should speak or not, those mystical eyes look away.

Azel: ...It was you who was looking for a job where we could be together until the very end, wasn't it?

(...!)

Azel never tries to look at me.

My chest felt like it was going to burst.

Emma: Prince Azel... can I say something conceited at the end?

Azel: No.

Emma: Well, listen.

Azel: I can't hear you, I don't know anything.

Not wanting the end to be in a somber atmosphere, I forced the corners of my mouth up.

Emma: Prince Azel, you said at first that being loved was abhorrent...

Emma: But I think you loved me.

Azel: .....

Azel: ...That's really conceited.

Emma: Forgive me, it's the end.

Azel: I won't forgive you. You have given me the greatest humiliation.

Emma: You don't have to be so shy–– Ow!

As expected, he pinched my cheek strongly.

(But I'm confident.)

(It's true that I'm being conceited, but there are many things that can't be explained otherwise.)

Azel: What are you going to do about this awkward atmosphere?

Emma: It's just Prince Azel who's feeling awkward... The cheek pinching really hurts!

Azel: In the first place, what's your basis?

Emma: You gave me what's best for me now, didn't you?

(You used your precious last moments on me.)

Emma: No, not just now, but from before...

Emma: Maybe you were head over heels for me.

("Last night" too... if that's not love, I don't know what else to call love.)

Azel: You're really being too conceited today, aren't you?

Emma: It's the suggestive God's fault.

The unrepentant Prince Azel furrowed his brows with a grumpy look and glared at me.

When I glared back in defiance, he awkwardly averted his eyes again—and I embraced him.

Even when I put my arms around his back, he didn't push me away.

Taking advantage of that, I pressed my ear against his heart.

Azel: –...I don't love you.

Azel: I don't like you or anything, you're more of a nuisance.

Azel: To think that I'm parting with you now, it's rather refreshing.

(...Doesn't he notice that his heartbeat is going crazy?)

(Or...)

(Maybe this is also the "best" for me, in Prince Azel's mind.)

Emma: If that's Prince Azel's answer...

Emma: I'll accept it as that.

In this fleeting time, like an illusion where the sun and moon switch places—

I burned the sound of his racing heartbeat into my ears and pushed my blurring vision to the back of my eyelids.

-

—The divine moon rose in the night sky, and the people gathered at the stage as prophesied.

Unable to contain the crowd, who were trampling the Al flowers, they overflowed from the stage and filled the main street of the market.

Azel: Thank you all for gathering here today.

The raging clamor returned to nothingness at the God's single word.

Without using any special loudspeaker, Prince Azel's voice resonated to every corner, capturing the attention of the people.

Even without any barriers, no one tried to step onto the stage.

The sacred air that Prince Azel wore was different from the one I knew.

This is the God that exists on the continent—I looked down on the stage from the best seat in the house.

Azel: Right now, anxiety must be swirling in your hearts.

Azel: The prophecy left by the first Living God is a "guaranteed reality" and also a trial he left for you.

Azel: You will eventually drift on the open sea without a star to guide you.

Azel: But there is no need to despair.

Azel: Sailors navigating the sea invented the compass to indicate direction in place of the stars.

Azel: You have wisdom. You have the talent to live without relying on the heavens.

Azel: In fact, you have already experienced a world without divination.

Azel: When you realized that relying on inaccurate divination would ruin your lives, what did you do next?

Azel: That's right, you used your own minds to carve out your own path without relying on God's guidance.

Azel: ...Once, there was nothing in this wasteland.

Azel: It was too harsh for people to live in, and without God's protection, you couldn't even build a civilization.

Azel: But that era is over.

Azel: Tanzanite has water, food, a rich culture, and you have come to live out your natural lifespans.

Azel: And the country that stood in the wasteland has now grown to become one of the major countries on the continent.

Azel: I am proud of you all, who built a great nation in the desert.

Azel: And that was probably the first dream that the first Living God saw.

Azel: Now that the dream has been fulfilled, you no longer need God.

Azel: But please don't grieve.

Azel: I believe that the prophecy of the end is also the prophecy of a new beginning.

Azel: ......

Azel: Now, it is time to awaken from the dream that God has shown you.

The God looked up at the sky.

The people also looked up at the sky.

I looked up at the sky too—and my breath caught in my throat.

The divine moon that illuminated Tanzanite was being dyed a reddish-black.

As if eroding the God, it gradually stole away his divinity.

Azel: "The incarnation of the moon departs from the mundane world, and a new moon is born."

Azel: "The newborn moon pierces through nothingness, and the guaranteed reality also returns to nothingness."

Azel: "May you all awaken from the dream and tread upon the earth of reality."

Azel: From the next dawn, you will build your future with your own feet.

Azel: I look forward to seeing what kind of future the "country of man," free from God's hands, will build.

Everyone's eyes were glued to the disappearing moon, and screams and cries erupted before the end—

A sharp sound pierced through it all, drowning out everything else.

(This sound... it's the gunshot I heard when I was a Belle...)

When I looked back at the stage, the God was no longer there.

Just like the reddened moon, the Living God was also dyed red and lying on the ground.

One by one, the people who noticed were losing their words.

Emma: ...Ah...

My voiceless scream dissolved into the noise of the end.

.

.

.

Romantic Ending Ch. 24 Premium Story

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Spare Me Your Mercy - final thoughts

I was out of town last week, so didn't have a chance to watch the SMYM finale until today. But wow, what an experience this show was. I have a few minor criticisms, but overall, I found this to be such a nuanced and heartfelt watch.

You can tell how deeply those making this series cared about the topic of euthanasia, and creating a venue for discussion. The emphasis on people's autonomy and right to dignity, the callout of class disparity and how it impacts the end of one's life, the inequity in health care and how people with few resources are disproportionately burdened with caring for dying family while still trying to survive day to day. How the trauma and pain of it all grows exponentially, continually leading to further tragedy.

I know there are criticisms of the Kan and Thiu relationship, but honestly, it worked for me. To me, it felt like what was needed for the story. Thiu is clearly a deeply internal character. He may not necessarily hide but he is not remotely forthcoming about his inner world, whether it be his sexuality or his affections or his worries about Kan. Kan is much more open and extroverted, but at the same time, he was willing to lie to Thiu for their entire lives due to his convictions. These are not men who are going to be doing grand romantic gestures for each other; it's a quiet, and honestly, quite realistic form of love. At the same time, it was supposed to feel slightly off, because there was a giant wall between the two of them. There were too many secrets, and too much pain, and none of it was being dealt with in the open. They couldn't be genuinely honest and intimate with each other. Until the very end, when Kan shows he is willing to give up everything in an act of love for Thiu, and Thiu is finally able to say what he feels. It may feel dark, but the wall is down, and I think they will weather what comes next.

What I particularly appreciate about this series is the emphasis on how harmful it is when you cannot talk about a difficult subject. It is likely that many of us fall into slightly different places on the spectrum of what is moral and ethical when it comes to euthanasia, but the vital thing is being able to communicate about it. Thiu's mother wasn't able to tell her son that she was ready to die, so he became mired in his regrets and his grief, rather than understanding it was her choice. Rin wasn't able to talk to her father, to know that he was self-determining his end (and thinking of her), so she was left to wonder and feel rejected. Somsak wasn't willing to listen to his lover's wishes, due to his entrenched beliefs, so missed being there for his final moments. Boss couldn't come to Kan directly, and ended up on a misguided and fatal path. And none of them had an avenue to process their pain. It all needed to be talked about, to be brought into the light of day without fear or shame. We all need to be able to talk about it.

It's really interesting to watch this show as someone who grew up in America when the furor around Kevorkian happened (for the non-Americans, a doctor who went to prison for euthanizing a terminally ill man), and experienced what it's like when euthanasia breaks in as a topic of news cycles and everyday conversation. I am also someone who lives in a state where assisted dying is legal. My parents are elderly, and we have talked about their end of life wishes. Living in a state where they could make their own decisions was paramount to them. It's incredibly challenging, and it hurts to even think about, but it is so very necessary to communicate with those we love.

My heart goes out to everyone who has had to personally grapple with this topic, and had to deal with a lack of legal options for a peaceful end of life. May we come ever closer to a world where we all get full autonomy, and can be open with those we love about what we need, both now, and at the end.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

this is a tiny pet peeve but i think its kinda odd that people seem to like. forget, or maybe just neglect to take into account, that yellow, for whatever reason (whether he's an alt universe john or a fresh piece of this universe's KIY that kayne went and ripped off) has ALSO been trapped in the dark world prior to being with arthur and has exactly as many Feelings about it. this is a very load bearing character trait imo

[faaun]

pls i need to provide updates

[depresseddepot]

really in the trenches tonight gang

[intraosseous]

i think i might be falling out of love with my best friend and im so so sad …

[totheidiot]

i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[fairy-ganj-mother]

i hate how there were so many people i just didnt realize i loved

[thatsapphicsoprano]

Reading Persuasion for the first time and just finished reading Captain Wentworth’s letter…. brb sobbing

[the-good-luck-anomaly]

HEY COMRADES. does anyone have any good sources for getting binders built for fat fooools like me.

[itsalwaysdark]

and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.