#and i feel like i am super unqualified for this

[valhalla-dancehall]

......

[live-laugh-legolas]

Thanks for your headcannons! How about a sketch where Gandalf, for example, helps fem! reader to cope with anxiety/insomnia and how the rest of the fellowship react to it (but only if it's not difficult for you)

I’ve just focused on the anxiety part of this prompt because I have struggled with anxiety my whole life so I feel more comfortable writing about it

I feel like some of these just turned into me giving advice based on my own experiences so please remember I am a very unqualified unprofessional and I love my therapist and suggest everyone get themselves one (as a little treat, you deserve it 💕)

The Fellowship x reader w/anxiety

Aragorn:

-He is very understanding and patient

-Doesn’t let you be embarrassed about your worries

-If you brush off your worry by asking questions about something similar that feels more “reasonable” to you he will gently call you out

-“what are you actually worried about?”

-Your anxiety might not be rational to others but I feel like anxiety rarely is; it’s still valid no matter what and he makes sure you know this

Legolas:

-He doesn’t fully understand it

-And by that I mean he doesn’t understand why some people’s brains just don’t work quite right

-Why would your brain trigger a fear response when there is no threat? Is that a mortal thing?

-Although he is confused a bit he will never judge you for being anxious

-He doesn’t even really think twice about what your anxiety is about; he just wants to help

-He quickly picks up on the fact that sometimes there isn’t really anything he can do except be there for you

-Awkwardly brings you water

-He will keep you company if you can’t sleep because he doesn’t sleep anyway

Gimli:

-He will tell you that he will fight any thing that worries you

-He kinda takes an approach of “I’m going to be over the top so they can see that it not something worth worrying over”

-This is not a mocking sort of thing; I want to make that clear; he is not going to tell you that there is nothing to worry about, he hopes you will come to that conclusion with his comedic support

-He will also give you pep talks like he gave himself before going into the Paths of the Dead (I think that was what it was called; the cave with the cursed ghosts)

-I love his softer moments and I think he would lean into this and be a teddy bear and a solid rock ya know?

-He suggests drinking ale if you can’t fall asleep but you have to tell him blacking out isn’t a healthy way to fall asleep (personally I don’t like the taste of alcohol but it does make me really sleepy. I am of age though; don’t underage drink even if Gimli offers it to you)

Boromir:

-“well what is the worst thing that will happen if (insert worry here)?”

-He takes the approach of “this is your worry and this is every way we will handle it should it come to fruition”

-I know this might not be a particularly great way to handle anxiety but I will say to myself “ok the worst thing that happens is you die. Welp if you die then at least you won’t be stressed anymore and don’t have to go to work in the morning”

-It has just allowed me to find some peace with things out of my control

-Basically he will help you find things you can control in your life and help you accept the things you can’t

Frodo:

-He is a really calm person in general and he is also super patient

-He will listen to any and every worry you have even if you have repeated the same worried question multiple times

-He will remind you to bring something of comfort with you; like your favorite hoodie; if you are going to do something out of your comfort zone or that might trigger your anxiety

-Sam is prone to anxiety at times and he has learned how to help him get out of his head a bit and he does the same for you

-I think he will just hand you something to fiddle with as a small distraction and to get a little energy out; and if nothing is available he will give you his hand or let you play with his hair

Sam:

-He takes a very hands on approach; and by that I mean he knows your common anxieties and helps you to avoid anything that will bring them on

-Will throw a heavy blanket on you if you start to panic

-He’s a little stressed while trying to calm you down just because he wants you to feel better

-He also has some anxiety so he sympathizes; you guys can reassure each other

-If you take meds he will make sure you take them even if he has to hold you down and pill you like a dog

Merry:

-My parents always told my sister and I that “they will tell us if there is something to worry about”

-Merry does this

-He tries to “train” you like a dog with a treat to come and ask him if you should be worried so he can tell you yes or no

-He obviously won’t do this if you don’t get a laugh out of it; he doesn’t want you to think he is making fun of you

-And he will be honest; if it he doesn’t know he will check it out before confirming if you should be worried about it or not

-He teaches you breathing techniques and grounding exercises

Pippin:

-This hobbit is super empathetic and will pick up on your anxiety really quick

-He’s subtle with his comfort though

-Will make excuses for you both to leave a situation without putting any attention on you

-He can be oblivious at times, but never to your emotions

-Does the “nose boop” or something silly to catch you off guard if you start to panic which can help pull you out of that headspace

Gandalf:

-Will tell you some wise shit about how everything experiences stress and how everything ends up working out

-“You are more than your fears. Don’t let your fear control you”

-I just think about the scene when he is talking to Frodo about wishing the ring didn’t come to him

-He will pass you his pipe because he smokes his troubles away; but how’s that going for ya Gandalf? *insert scene of him choking on the smoke but he keeps going despite Pippin looking like he thinks he will die any second*

———————————————————————

I have realized I talk a lot about myself and reference my parents and experiences when I’m writing these. Do y’all find that weird or annoying to read? I have found it sometimes is the easiest way to explain where the headcanon idea came from. But I also don’t want to bore anyone with my wordy explanations

[hazelfoureyes]

How are you so good at writing smut??? It legit makes my body warm all over and my brain fuzzy, you fucking smut wizard <3 do you have any tips on writing smut? Or just writing in general?

Thank you for such a compliment! 💖🥹This is mildly embarrassing-- but I really am so horny?? I am not playing a character. lol I am a goblin. When I watch porn (for pleasure) I just take in the sounds and the sights, really just going full art reviewer on that shit for inspo even when I'm not trying to.

"Wow his cock got so big suddenly, is he going to cum? his head his massive...omg he sunk it right back into that guy after he came?? he's still going!? DICKS CAN DO THAT?" *takes mental notes*

"Her hips kept pulling away there before she orgasmed, overstimulated a bit maybe, love how he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her back down" *jots down on my notes app*

"wow the way he said that-- jesus I just got dizzy I need to hear <whatever character> say that." *writes Luci saying that shit immediately* I am unqualified to give tips on anything, but I'll tell you what I tend to do! For smut; I just focus on sensations, I think. We can all see what sex looks like! Imagining the feeling of it, that's whats so fucking hot to me. Why is that man moaning? What is he feeling that is so good? What made her legs shake like that? Yeah his dick went into her pussy. Nice. But like---- was it warm? did his head get caught on the way in, popping past that unyielding flesh untrained to his size, just at her entrance? did the feeling of wet walls and a tight grip make him go weak for a second, mind blank?

For general writing; oh geez....I have a super visual brain, so I just try my best to describe what I'm seeing.

If it feels like I've forced someone to say or do something, then I back up and try again.

I wrote a part in A Doe in Fall part 4 that I had to redo; I had reader slap the detective when he suggested maybe she was hitting on him, a man coming to intervene making Brady get nervous and apologize before leaving all flustered.

But I realized--- no, this reader is too smart. She would never make a scene like that, she wouldn't know what might happen. What if everyone watches her then sit with Alastor? What if people notice and somehow remember seeing him? What if they recognize him? I loved the scene but I had to remove it. She would never do that, even if I loved seeing it.

I try to just shut down a little and see what my brain throws out unfiltered. It's really mentally taxing. I'm either 100% focused or I can't do it. I proofread maybe 6 or 7 times, or more. I don't stop until I get through it at least once without edits, and if I find myself bored of reading it, then I walk away for a second. If I am too disinterested to read it again for proofreading or just feeling the flow of it, then why would anyone else want to?

Hazbin Smut Masterlist I spent way too long rereading before posting

I felt this like this wasn’t helpful at all 😭

[queenlucythevaliant]

hi, young soon-to-be a librarian here, i’ve liked books for a long time but the issue is i exclusively read books below my reading level for no explicable reason, what books do i read so that i don’t just look like a total child managing a library he shouldn’t even have access to. (I’m the co-founder of my high school’s Library committee.)

I really want to be what this library needs, and i know im unqualified but if i don’t do this, nobody will. I am falliable but i’m not gonna let this chance fall by the wayside.

Hi there! Flattered that you think I can opine usefully on this issue.

My general statement to you would be that truths really do coexist here. (1) Just read whatever you want, my dude. Life is short and there are so many more books in the world than you will ever have the chance to read. Don't force yourself to read stuff that doesn't bring you any joy. (2) The books that you read absolutely do shape you as a person, and for that reason it's good to read things that are varied, challenging, and edifying. There are all sorts of ways for those two truths to slot together, and we've got our whole lives to figure it out.

That said, here's some personal experience from my summer at the bookstore that I'll toss up alongside those fairly broad statements:

I became aware very quickly that I am not literary soulmates with any of my coworkers or the vast, vast majority of my customers. I've been told several times now that my personal tastes are "not commercial." Yet every now and then, I'll get to talk with someone who also really loves the same books that I love, and those moments are just magic. In your case, maybe those conversations will be with kids or teens. That's awesome! You and whoever your people are will light up in those moments, and you'll figure out pretty quickly how to be useful to everyone else.

I am interested in reading exactly zero of the Most Popular Books that our store sells. That's fine, and thankfully no one is going to make me. I've found it useful, however, to do a bit of research so that I can make pleasant small talk about those books and recommend them as appropriate. Wikipedia, Goodreads, and YouTube are all your friends here. I've actually really enjoyed that kind of research! Kinda feels like rummaging through the closet of a friend with an entirely different fashion sense.

Another thing that's really useful is making note of where anything you might remotely call a favorite is in the store(/library), especially those that are outside your usual genres. You might be surprised at how varied your own reading is! This is helpful when someone asks for a rec outside your usual wheelhouse. Even if you haven't read 99% of the books in that section, you can point to the one or two you've read and loved and say, "Oh, these are my favorites. Read them," without necessarily having to cop to the fact that you haven't read much else in the genre.

Also worth mentioning: our store manager reads mostly YA and fantasy, and we all respect her and think she's great. Our assistant manager reads mostly YA and romance, and ditto. She's also great. The gal who runs our kids section is the oldest person working at our store, and she reads tons of kids books not just because that's her area, but also because she genuinely loves them. She is super cool and knowledgeable. I really don't think people are likely to look down on you for what you read.

So that's what I've got. Hopefully something in there is helpful. For what it's worth, you sound highly qualified based on what you wrote and I think your earnest desire to serve your community in this way will get you a lot further than having read or not read any specific books :)

[navettephoenix]

writing tips from someone who is super unqualified

Hi loves! I've written some short stories and fics now and and here are some of the things I've learned.

Write for emotion. This one is pretty personal for my reasoning of writing, but I write to make sure that the reader feels something, no matter what it is, as long as they're not bored you're fine.

Write down all of your ideas. You wouldn't believe the documents I have of just ideas that can be used in any way imaginable. It doesn't even have to be for that story. Any image written down can be great.

Just write. Stop editing. Stop reading this post. Just write what you need to put down. If you're writing a novel, my biggest suggestion is to start with the scenes. As a newbie myself, all I've really needed was the drive, the ending, and the scenes that are pictured in my mind.

You need stakes AND urgency. Sorry, but you do really need stakes with the new age of reading being stale. To put it simply, stakes are the consequences of failing (why can a character not fail) and urgency is the time limit in which they must complete this. Of course, if you're writing a fluffy romance, then this may not be all that necessary.

SETTING. It tends to be overlooked, but setting is importantttt omg. A good setting is the start of a good story. If you're going contemporary, then do some research on which cities or towns or villages you want it to take place in. If you're seeking fantasy, then you need to world build like crazy.

Characters need to feel like people. Please please please do not make the mistake of creating a Trix from Divergence. She is a shell and lacks a real personality (from the movies at least). My favorite way to combat this is to take a character that you really like and compare it to your character. There are only so many types of personality traits anyway. You don't want to contradict yourself.

For example, say I want my main character to kind of reference Eren Yeager (this is such a stretch and only an example). I would compare what makes them similar and different.

they have the same relentless goals

they lives in different worlds

they have different motives

my character is a black woman

Anyway please take all of this with a grain of salt. I am not a successfully published author I just like to read and write in my free time.

Bye<3

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/749385487529230336/do-you-think-vmin-had-a-falling-out-maybe-i-am

im the same anon!!

i should have been clearer about the timeline. i meant vmin used to be super close around like 2013-2016 and then around 2018-2021 they were a little strange with each other and ofc they were still friends and still supported each other but their dynamic was different and it is such a subtle difference to note which is why i said im probably delulu 😭 and after that i feel like maybe they talked it out cuz they're kinda better now in chapter 2 but yeah that 2018-2021 vmin era was kinda tensed imo

and also in no way im saying that they didn't love each other or anything, they have always supported and shown up for each other. i was just curious if something happened between them which changed their dynamic forever

(or maybe they just grew up lol)

Hi anon!

Aaah, thanks for coming back and elaborating.. I did not get this from your first ask.

I’m afraid I’m unqualified to answer this ask properly. I wasn’t around in fandom during that time period, and I think something as subtle as what you’re describing is hard to pick up on with watching footage back (also not something I’ve been looking into, so maybe that’s also part of it).

What I do believe though, is that 2018-2020 was very hard on Tae. We 2018 was difficult for the whole band and 2019/20 was when Tae went through depression.. we notice him being off in several instances. That ultimately has an effect on how he interacts with those around him. So maybe what you saw wasn’t really specifically Tae and Jm having problems, but more that times were hard and Vmin was affected by that?

[xiaq]

(this can be answered publicly) Hey X, pardon me if you’ve answered this before, but I was just curious on how you ended up transitioning from academia to tech and what role you started with in tech? Also, so you have any advice for someone looking to break into tech from a non-STEM background? Thank you!

Hey! I haven't answered it publicly but it's a popular question, so I will now (warning, long answer is long).

So I was so fed up with academia for sundry reasons I won't get into here but I wanted a career that would allow me to A. retire some day (something that paid generally well), B. would allow me some measure of work/life balance without high stress, and C. Would ideally let me use my communication/writing/speaking/presenting skills in some way.

My parents and my partner all work in tech and were like, "did you know that we desperately need people with your skillsets in the tech world?" and my partner, who works in technical sales was like, "You would kill at my job, I am not lying." And I was like, every job listing in technical sales that I see requires either a degree I don't have or past experience I don't have, or both, and my mother was like "Do you know how many mediocre resumes from unqualified men come across my desk? Apply for the damn positions anyway." So I reworked my resume to focus on applicable skills/experiences and wrote a cover letter for each position I applied to saying "hey, I know I'm an odd candidate but let me tell you why that's a good thing." And I got a lot of positive responses!

I was interviewing at 2 different tech places when I accepted the offer for my job now. I had an initial screening call interview with HR, then a zoom interview with the hiring manager, and then I was given access to a limited demo environment and had a week to teach myself the software and put together a demo for a fake customer which I did for the hiring manager (my future boss), one of my current peers, and the VP of the org. I was offered the job the same night I did my fake demo. So in total it was a 2 week interview process, and I started working 2 weeks later. **

I'm a pre-sales solutions consultant, which basically means I'm paired with a sales guy who does all the money and business value talk with customers, while I get to learn about a customer's data problems and then demo for them how our products can address those problems.

The learning curve was (and still is) steep. But it was basically like going back to school, and I've always loved learning new things. The job is super fun. It fulfills all of my wants I listed above with the added bonus of being completely remote (aside from occasional travel to meet with customers for in-person demos). The people I work with are supportive, management is communicative and constantly giving me feedback/talking about my trajectory. I've won internal awards, already received two raises and one promotion and I haven't even been there a year. I'm making more than double what I did as a professor and the concept of retirement doesn't feel like a laughable pipe dream anymore. I miss teaching a lot, but I'm healthier, happier, and better prepared for the future now. And my work is genuinely fulfiling because I'm showing people how they can fix problems. Also, playing with data management software and putting together custom demos is neat. It's like all the best parts of a college project--research, making a preso, knocking everyone's socks off while giving the preso, but I'm getting paid for it. I'm glad I followed my mom's advice.

So I guess my advice is the same as hers: even if you're not "qualified," apply for the position anyway. Make custom cover letters for each position and if there's not a way to include the letter with the app, do some googling and find the hiring manager on LinkedIn and message/email them. The person who hired me said that my cover letter was what got me the initial interview. So that shit works. If you have friends or family working somewhere with open positions, use those connections. Having an internal referral will go a long way to getting your resume looked at. I know we're all like, boo nepo babies, but networking is a huge part of any industry. Use it to your advantage if you have the advantage (no, I'm not working for my parent's companies, but if there'd been an open position I was interested in, I would have applied for it. No shame).

**I also, on the side, applied for the Austin Fire Department because why not. After a whole lot of mental and physical prep, I was accepted to the academy (in the first class, no less, holla) right before I was offered my current job. But I had to be realistic and say that probably wasn't a good long-term career option for someone who is 110lbs and was barely meeting the physical testing requirements who also has issues with getting overwhelmed in high-input sensory situations. So. Into the tech world I went. This side note just to say, I was keeping my options very open and there's nothing wrong with that either, lol.

I hope this helps!

[sandandlightning]

A dumb question from an old fogie about the newfangled lingo

By which I mean a 30 something who is out of touch with modern Tumblr and the broader pagan/satanic/witchcraft community after sitting in a corner for several years

As an eclectic pagan who has dealt with a lot of gatekeeping, and as a member of the queer community who has dealt with a lot of gatekeeping around labels specifically, I just legitimately don't know if 'satanist' or 'satanic' are accurate descriptors of my current practice, or if theistic satanists would find my using these labels confusing or uncomfortable. I like demonolater, I understand it and feel it fits, but like 90% of people don't know what the fuck that is. Theistic lucifarian? Sure, I love Lucifer, I work with him a lot, I'm polytheistic about it but it fits. But it also seems to be very fringe, like a much smaller bucket. And despite seeming self explanatory often requires a surprising amount of footnotes for people unfamiliar.

Like, I can callyself enby and acespec and so on, but sometimes it's a lot easier to just use the much broader 'queer'. I have no idea if people consider 'satanist' an umbrella in the same way or not, or if there is a proper umbrella for demon/infernal based practice. The biggest reason I hesitate to use the label is that, while I work with Lucifer and other infernal divinities, I don't really work with Satan. I mean, I guess just because I rarely worked with big names like Aset didn't make me less Kemetic?

But again I am not sure if that applies here. Largely because there is so much soup in the theistic vs non theistic satanic community. The other part being that my views on Satan as an entity/aspect are different from many others? I sometimes think of Lucifer in his 'aspect of Satan' and other demons the same way, but I don't want to like... Encroach on the space of theistic satanists who are venerating Satan as a specific entity or as the All. But I am very theistic. Polytheistic still, but just saying 'pagan' no longer feels entirely accurate.

There is definitely a place where the pagan and infernal divinity followers, who I want to group as satanists but am not entirely sure I should, overlap, and it is where I am, but there is def a feeling of leaving out an important part of myself by just saying pagan (the same way bi doesn't feel right compared to pan) and also not wanting to deal with people in pagan circles who would be bothered/offended/concerned by my work with infernal beings. And I am tired of saying theistic lucifarian electric pagan demonolater every time I have to describe myself.

And personal identity crisis aside, I also just wanna ask if I should be tagging some of these posts as theistic satanism or not? I avoided it in the past month simply because I felt weirdly unqualified to use the label, not because I have anything against it. But I couldn't help but notice the names of blogs liking my more recent posts often being Satanist identifying in some way. Hence my reconsideration and curiosity.

The longer I have spent interacting with Tumblr and social spaces again, the more it seems like satanism is, in fact, a fairly broad umbrella that people would be happy to include demonolatry or Lucifarianism under, with nitty gritty details of practice not relevant so long as it generally involves working with infernal divinities or largely infernal pantheon. But uh, my neurodivergence is not super well equipped to parse that kinda thing with only online circles to compare to, and that does not instill me with confidence. So u know fuck it I'm just gonna ask even if I look like an idiot ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ rip the fragile probably non-existent image of my having my shit together haha.

The tldr being:

How broad of an umbrella is 'theistic satanism' in modern colloquial usage? What does or doesn't fall under it?

Would people think it is appropriate to tag any infernal entity work posts as theistic satanism?

Are there other colloquial self identifying labels for infernal work I have just dead ass missed by being bad at the internet?

[thirddeadlysin]

My year in review is never going to look super thrilling or impressive but here's some things I'm proud of accomplishing in 2023:

asking for a new title at work that actually reflects my work and experience (literally nothing came of it except my growing sense of resentment but I did it)

telling my doctors and trainer that I don't give a shit about how fat I am and I don't want to be advised on weight loss methods anymore, only on behaviors and therapies that will make me stronger/healthier (boy did that not work 90% of the time lol)

switching to a new obgyn because my old one made me feel very stupid and unheard when I had questions (the only unqualified success)

barely writing any fiction or poetry, barely reading any books, and barely watching any TV or movies all year without beating myself up about it (this means I prioritized things like sleep and being outdoors and learning new skills and volunteering and reading very cozy comforting fic of all kinds, bc in previous years I had started making all of the barely-done things into weird stamina/endurance/popularity contests and/or put undue pressure on myself to meet totally arbitrary goals)

recognizing that i put myself back into debt by spending too much money on everything in an attempt to outrun grief it feels like I should be past already (idky I think there's a timeline???? but now i can work on not doing that)

deleting all my dating app and several social media accounts because I realized I was using them for ✨️validation✨️ that would either never arrive or would feel hollow because there's work I need to do first to feel worthy of accepting it

So a lot of my year kind of sucked when you look at it this way! It's hard enough to do a thing that needs done and when it doesn't get the result you want it can feel even worse! But all of these are things I couldn't have done in any prior year and that's growth, even if the end results look largely the same.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Pausing halfway through reading one of your fics to pop in and say I really love your narration and character voices. It’s not common in fanfic for an author to write in a way that’s layered enough for the reader to gain their own insights and conclusions. Like I’m in the last chapter of therianthropy and there’s the stuff that happens on the same page when there’s dissonance between thoughts and actions or when Karen buys Matt the sympathy muffin and Matt’s mad that that tactic totally works, and there’s also the longer story motifs that must be so hard to tie together when you’re publishing at the same time as actively writing.

The bit that got me to stop is when teenage Matt’s at Fogwell’s. Previously we saw Fogs starting to talk about the little boxing found family and Matt’s all “oh geez I hope he doesn’t start the lecture about sacred boxing fraternity 🙄”. And on its own this was a great scene because it showcased the characterisation of Fogs, Matt and Lisa in a few short paragraphs. Fogs is real passionate about this one thing, Matt’s heard this windbag go on about it a million times and is comfortable enough to be a little bitch, and Lisa’s relaxing for the first time in a /long/ while. And it’s beautiful.

But then. BUT THEN!!!!!!! This *fucking* speech Fogs was about to launch into!!!!!! Is the very thing that made Matt feel genuinely loved for the first time since Jack died!!!!!!!! Nearly ten years!!!!!!!!! And when Matt finds this traumatised teenage soldier that needs reassurance, love and support, he takes her to the the place where that unconditional care was given to him all those years ago and arhgrgahgrhhogohrgohhhh don’t even get me started on kintsugi ok I hope u never stop creating ok ur fics make me wanna howl at the fucking moon

2/2 Sorry my coherency evaporated real quick there. Your stories are also laugh out loud funny

Hello extremely kind ask I have neglected in my ask box for far too long. Thank you for your kind words they made me extremely happy and made me feel more competent than I actually am.

The tough part about fanfiction is that everything y'all get is basically a first draft because, like you said, it's publish-as-you-go and I don't have the chance to go back and rewrite the story to be more cohesive. Like, the act of writing itself means the plot and characters are still developing, and i really rely on editing and second drafts for that in a way that's not super possible with fanfiction. Sometimes the characters just Do Things and i'm like "wha--stop that. why are you. since when do you. why didn't you do that like 100k words ago." and it gives it a very flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants vibe from my perspective.

I am a very big fan of Recycling when it comes to my writing, and i think it makes it seem a little more put-together than it is. Like, I always have big Scenes in my head that exist from the start of the story that I know are going to make an appearance, so I just bury references to them them I need to craft the moments leading up. Or, if I don't have a scene planned and there's something missing, I tend towards trying to tie it back to something that already existed in the story, so there's a little bit more of a common line running through it. Granted, if you do this too much it seems a little kitschy, so I don't always do it, but I'm a firm believe in using what you have to the fullest extent.

If i recall correctly, Fogs' confusing Matt into staying by just sort of talking until he passed out was a Big Scene and I was just planting my chekov's guns like a deeply unqualified gardner who should have been fired a long time ago and never given access to the guns safe. I knew that I wanted Lisa being taken in by Matt to parallel his own recovery from Stick, so it was sort of low-hanging fruit to have Fogs go off on the same rant. I also kind of liked it because I think time does a lot for reframing how we think of things.

Like, when Matt first gets Fogs' speech about Ancient Sumerian Men Beating The Hell Out Of Each Other, he's half starved, half feral, and trying to fling himself back out into the hostile streets of New York because he feels safer alone than he has ever felt with other people. He passes out, wakes up with a blanket over him and Fogs asleep at his desk even when he doesn't have to be. Like you said--it's the first time in a very long time that he's felt safe.

Then, when he's in the future, it's just very casual. It's not really framed as remarkable, and Matt doesn't hold it in his mind as something that glitters. I thought it showed an enormous amount of healing for him to be so comfortable with Fogs that he didn't seem to remember that this was something that once brought him to tears.

And you're also right about Matt bringing her there--it was easy recycling in the sense that i needed to answer the question of "where would he bring this traumatized child he doesn't know how to help" and figured the answer was "probably the place that helped him."

Thank you for your kind words they made me extremely happy and I'm very glad you like my writing

[gloriousvermin]

Hey guys I've been feeling down lately in relation to my parents. Basically I feel as though I was neglected for a long time. I have a lot of older siblings who were the focus of my parents attention. It feels like they never cared about me because I conformed to expectations (good grades, going to church every week ect) only really caring about me within the last few years because my grades started slipping and the oldest sibling (their pride and joy) left for the navy. So now that all the children they love are gone they pay attention to me and only within this past year did they show interest in the things I like. Except it's only my art that they like not any of my other interests. My older sister was lucky to drop expectations earlier by being a teenage rebel but that came at the cost of constant remarks from my mother. I can't be honest about my beliefs because my Mom is a super Christian who will send her children to "counseling" (unqualified people tell you to believe in god more until the problem disappears) if they mention being depressed or disagreeing with her politically. As a result of this even if they love me now it's not me they are loving it's the complicit version I made. Worsening this whole thing is opposing world views where they are overly optimistic and out of touch I am overly pessimistic and apathetic. Also you may have spotted that I rarely mentioned my dad and that's because me and him never interact at all. We only did things with each other when I was younger and doing boy scouts (which I hated) and the second I got out we stopped doing things. All of this is making me increasingly reliant on things like music and video games to have fun while ignoring reality. And this has spiraled into neglecting things like my education and future at large. It makes me feel as though success and happiness cannot coexist with one another and I know that's not true but the mindset of "why would i bother succeeding if i won't be happy" is still what i believe and i cant tell anyone about this or ask for help because my parents will punish me for my attitude or daring to claim that they don't care or the truth of what I really think about the world.

[mmmcheetos]

Ayup bro what do you think? I didn't know what to put for the two empty ones so if you have any thoughts lol send them over!!

🐉

i love that they're both more overprotective. also would i be right that 1.0 jyr is more of an open book than 2.0 jyr?? also i was a bit surprised at jyr liking softer music but actually he's a big romantic i bet he loves soppy slow songs (also he's a swiftie for sure)

for sub/dom idk,,,i feel like they'd be very balanced, tho i can def see 1.0 yuxue competing for dominance. oh oh oh what if jyr initially takes the lead bc he's still scarred from the 1.0 power balance and him finally letting lyx take the lead is a sign he fully trusts him??

i think jyr is too insane to be vanilla. but idk i am asexual i am super unqualified to be answering this 😭😭

[yourstormthlaylirahh]

PLEASE tell me more about how you came to be riding bareback on a horse down a mountain in a stampede. This lore is fascinating

Ok, so, bit of backstory: when I was in my early teens and had no experience with horses at all I got suckered into this Very Bad Barn. I feel quite embarrassed and ashamed about this. It was bad for many reasons, but without being excruciating these were the main issues in hindsight:

1) It had lax to nil safety considerations (no insurance, unqualified instructors in their early teens, only let us ride bareback because they didn't want to maintain school tack, didn't actually teach proper riding skills, etc)

2) manipulative and abusive social structure (compelled to volunteer with no compensation or lose your space, lots of gaslighting/moving the goalpost, the group of teens I was with were super fucked up and did a number on my mental health, the adults were even worse especially the barn owner - I have actually run the BITE model used to assess cults against this place and it places alarmingly high)

3) financial abuse - including but not limited to exorbitant prices for what was offered, 'gifting' horses to kids like me who didn't know better (no papers exchanged - paid for a horse for years and took care of all bills, etc only to have him taken away and been embargoed from seeing him when I had a disagreement with barn owner)

4) TERRIBLE horse welfare - I don't want to go into detail on this because it is still very raw, but the worst was a combination of not letting horses be pulled out of lessons despite injury + no biosecurity protocol = disastrous and fatal consequences

Ok, that actually ended up being excruciating detail, sorry about that. Depressing details out of the way, now onto the funny/dramatic part.

So all of this culminated in me, not knowing how to ride very well but thinking I was competent, riding multiple times weekly in groups of about 10 people who were also incompetent but confident (a dangerous combo) bareback in the mountains. The mountains where I live are steep, rocky semi-alpine, and where we rode usually reached a height of about a kilometer.

One of these rides I was in the middle of a group of said riders. We were making our way slowly up the mountain, which was a rather wide trail at that point with very large gravel, probably 45 angle iirc, and had almost reached the top of the mountain. I think there were about 4 horses in front of me and 4 or 5 behind me (cannot remember the exact number) and I was in the middle. I think I was about 20. It was sunny and we were all pretty relaxed and not paying attention, especially the ride leader. I am not sure what the ride leader's horse saw or heard, but he spooked hard and fast. The sleepy ride changed in an instant. All the horses spun 180 fast, unceremoniously dumping their riders onto the gravel. Except me. I missed my chance to fall relatively safely, and by the time my brain caught up with what was happening it was too late to make a last ditch attempt at 'dismounting' (read:falling).

The horses took off at a dead gallop down the mountain. I would say it was probably about half a km on the straightaway before the gravel path started to curve (thankfully the curve was pretty gradual) and head into the forest. I had a death grip in my horse's mane, and was using all my leg strength to hold on (keep in mind, due to the abysmal nature of this barn, I had very little experience cantering and had never galloped in my life. What little times I had cantered had all been on straight stretches with no turns). The horses were clumped right around me, so there was no place I could see to fall where I didn't run the risk of getting trampled or kicked in the head. When we got into the forest the situation got more dire as the path narrowed and the horses maintained their pace, but clumped even tighter. I'm not sure how likely I was in reality to be seriously or fatally injured if I had fallen off, but my thoughts were very loudly telling me that injury or death was a possibility so I didn't want to risk it.

Once we reached the forest it wasn't long before we encountered the stream. A tiny stream, but a short and sharp dip down to the water and then a short and sharp dip back up. They thankfully avoided the bridge. I don't actually remember riding the stream - did they jump the bank? Trip on rocks? I don't know, fear blurred my memory. And then we were continuing on the narrow forest path, me in my stampede, and I wondered how much longer I would be in hell and what I was going to do when the horses stopped - and would they stop? Then we were across the (fairly deserted, thank god) road and at the trailers. Finally the horses drew to a stop. I leaned forward and slid off my horse's neck, and here my legs collapsed and I actually did fall, slightly under his chest but by this time Jace has regained some of his senses and brought himself up so he didn't step on me.

My legs were raw from where I had been slamming my inner thighs into his withers - as I mentioned I had never been taught proper riding. If this happened now (which it wouldn't because I am at a Safe and Accredited barn, but I digress) I would be physically able to ride it better, but where I was then I had been relying very strongly on my death grip in his mane to stay on (the horses were very reactive to having leg pressure on them so we always rode with our legs slightly off the horse's sides, which resulted in us more or less balancing entirely on our pinbones. It took me probably 4 or 5 months when starting at a proper barn to start consistently keeping my leg on horses while riding because I was so conditioned to expect them to try take off when your legs touched their sides). I had basically been getting a few inches of air every stride before slamming back down. Poor Jace. Poor me.

There I was, with around 10 loose horses is very stages of remaining panic, frantically trying to catch everyone and tie them to the trailer. One of them, Thor, would not stop loosing his head and kept circling onto the road, which while relatively deserted still had cars sporadically coming and I do not know how he managed to not get hit - I couldn't get near him. I was bawling my eyes out at this point, but trying to stay calm enough to round everyone up. The equestrian parking lot was bordered by a general use parking lot mainly used by hikers, and there was about 5-10 different groups of people there, but no one offered to help. I could understand it being unsafe for them to help with the horses, but no one even asked if I was ok. What I really wanted was to send someone to check if the people I was riding with were ok - a significant portion of them were seniors and I thought they might have gotten hurt in the fall. One of them I had narrowly missed running over at the start of the stampede. Worst of all, some guy on his atv started to DRIVE HIS ATV THROUGH MY SCARED HERD OF LOOSE HORSES until I ran at him, waving my arms and screaming at him to go another way. I am still extremely indignant about this.

Anyways, thankfully soon after Mr Fucker on the ATV the other group from our barn, who had been riding on trails on the other side of the road, came back and were able to help finish catching the horses and go fetch the fallen people. No one ended up being seriously injured (though I walked with a limp for about a week because my legs actually scarred on the inner thigh) and all the horses were safe. But yeah. Sorry for being kind of long and rambly, I know it isn't really a very exciting story but it's a very strong memory for me.

[manofmanymons]

do you have any tips for writing?

I feel unqualified to answer this question because 90% of my writing process is me throwing words at a paper and hoping something sticks but like I do have some things that I’ve learned are helpful to me (also I tried answering this like three days ago but tumblr force quit and deleted everything I typed and I was too tired to redo it I’m so sorry)

Although I almost feel the need to put a disclaimer here that my writing kinda falls into a very specific niche of like…dialogue heavy lighthearted character interactions written in the third person limited perspective because that’s what’s fun to me so idk if what works for me is remotely helpful to anyone else

But I would say my #1 tip would just be to make an outline

I am so serious my life got so much better when I stopped trying to write things in one straight shot and started outlining them first

The last fic I wrote had an outline that was 1.2k words long because that’s how many words I needed to organize my thoughts before I could write the actual story

Because sometimes you have certain scenes or lines of dialogue that exist very vividly in your head and you just want to write those but you don’t know how to start the fic or how to transition between the parts you wanna write and rather than getting lost in the weeds tryna write those in-between parts I say just write the part you wanna write first

Get every last little thought out of your head before you forget it

If I can’t think of the right word for something in the moment, I won’t waste time tryna figure it out, I just keep going and then come back to it later (e.g. my brain will blank on the word “asserted” so I’ll write something stupid like “said in like a confident? Authoritative way?” and then come back to it)

And once that part is over, then I’ll worry about putting those scenes in order, and I’ll write vague ideas of what I want to happen in the in-between parts. It’s hard for me to explain what I mean so I’m just gonna humiliate myself on the internet and insert this screenshot from my aforementioned 1.2k word outline

It's literally bullet points, the one paragraph I knew I wanted to write, and then more bullet points.

And that applies for dialogue too! Sometimes I don’t even know what I want these mfers to say. I will make in depth notes about how I want a conversation to go before I even think about most of the words.

And when I do write the words, sometimes my outlines will be so adverb heavy an actual writer would cry like I will legit have a whole conversation of “they said nervously” “they said awkwardly” “they said uncomfortably” “they said irritably” and then go back and fill in better words for said or add actions that convey nervousness or whatever later

BUT ALSO PERSONALLY THIS ISN’T A REAL TIP THIS IS JUST LIKE AN OPINION TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT I do not agree with people who act like you have to replace ALL of your adverbs in writing I think adverbs exist for a reason and as long as you’re not abusing them, people who complain are just being annoying alkfjdaj N E WAYS

On the topic of dialogue (like I said I write a lot of dialogue-heavy things so most of my brain power goes into dialogue okay I’m sorry) several things I like to ask when I write a line are

-Did that come out of nowhere or would a person actually say that? If it did come out of nowhere, how can I bring it up more naturally?

-Would this character react that way or did I just write what I would do? (and if it’s the latter, fix it) Here’s where I admit I cheat a little bit by heavily gravitating toward writing characters who already act similarly to me so I don’t have to think about it too much. That’s not a tip. I’m not telling you you should do that. It’s probably bad that I do that. I just felt like sharing.

-Similar note as the last one, does this line sound like something this character would say, or does it sound super generic like I could swap in any other character to this role and it would make equally as much sense?

-This tends to work better for me if the thing I’m writing for has an english dub (so you can imagine that Survive regularly gives me panic attacks when it comes to character voice and characterization and I’m in a permanent state of second-guessing myself and crying inside) but I also like to try and see if I can read the line in the character’s voice. I feel infinitely more confident in a line if I feel like I could really hear them saying it.

I realize I’ve talking mostly in terms of fanfic writing specifically but like other than that last one it can apply to original stuff too y’know like you wanna write your characters consistently and make sure you’re not randomly changing their personality and how they talk just to fit a situation

Obviously I'm not infallible and I've probably fucked up my own advice before but to quote alice in wonderland, I give myself some very good advice but I very seldom follow it

Uhhh, use whatever perspective you’re writing in to your advantage. I like third-person limited because it lets me convey certain thoughts/feelings through the style of like,,,the paragraphs themselves without always having to write their exact thoughts + I can really hone in on the perspective character.

But like if you’re a fan of first person then you can really go ham with writing the whole thing in their voice, and if you’re into third-person omniscient then you don’t have to confine yourself to the knowledge of one character, you can flat out say what everyone is doing/thinking and why they’re doing/thinking it.

If you are like me and you like to confine yourself to a specific perspective character, one thing I have a hard time doing sometimes but I think you just gotta do is…leave some things unsaid. Y’know like as the writer you know why a certain character is acting a certain way, but your perspective character doesn’t. You can say why they think the other character is doing something, but I think you gotta ask yourself “is this character good at reading people/do they know this person really well or would they more likely misunderstand?” Sometimes they can be an unintentionally unreliable narrator, as a treat.

Don’t be afraid to use the ctrl+F if you think you may have accidentally used a certain word or phrase too many times. I’m a California valley gal do you have any idea how many “likes” I have to edit out of my rough drafts

Other than all that I guess I would just say…fuck around and have fun with it. Sure I write in a certain perspective now, but I messed around with first and even second person pov before. I’m not trying to sound wise or motivational I am being 100% serious when I say just write for yourself. Don’t even think about whether your writing appeals to others. Go girl (gender neutral) give us a fic about that character/ship that only you like.

Literally my first fic in Survive fandom was a painfully self-indulgent deep dive into a character that at the time I was like 90% positive no one but me gave a shit about and I had more fun with it than you could ever imagine

Write in a weird format. Write 0 dialogue. Write only dialogue. Get overly descriptive or poetic. Refuse to describe anything. Try imitating a writer you like. Write a canon x OC fic. I cannot stress enough how much I think you should just do whatever you want.

[coweggomelet]

i as always am full of opinions and i have a lot of opinions about a particular first monday in may so i’ve decided to share my EXTREMELY UNQUALIFIED opinions on met gala 2023 looks

TO PREFACE! fuck vogue fuck anna wintour fuck karl lagerfeld. he did some good and mostly bad. racist, homophobic, misogynist (especially towards women of color).

TO INTRODUCE! i’m extremely bored with this theme. partly because i have zero familiarity with anything to do with fashion and that includes even super prominent designers like karl lagerfeld. partly because having the theme based on ONE designer seems like it limits the creativity and expression a bit. it’s like there’s nowhere to go. basing the theme off fashion that already exists just seems so boring! you can’t get shit like zendaya’s cinderella dress and rihanna’s egg train and blake lively’s oxidation transformation or any of the AMAZING looks from previous years with a theme that’s based on pre existing fashion. all the attendees are already boxed in. that’s my take anyways, i could be Very wrong. also i will be skipping people i don’t know unless their look is Very Bad or Very Good or I Feel Like It

TO BEGIN!

rihanna & a$ap rocky

i love her lil flower egg she looks so cozy. almost looks like eva from wall-e. his look feels more campy to me but it’s honestly pretty cool and interesting and it’s better than the five million boring black suits so i like it 9/10

sabrina dhowre elba & idris elba

the skirt is interesting but that’s it. the suit is a step up from boring black so i’ll give him some credit. unexceptional 3/10

jenna ortega

STUNNING. INCREDIBLE. the strands of necklace? the woven look? the little half jacket? the bow? the gloves? the shoes turned to platform heels? the CORSET??? it looks like someone tore up the cinderella wicked stepmother’s dress and it looks SO SICK 1000/10 nailed it love her

taika waititi

he looks like he’s playing benvolio in a production of much ado about nothing where they’ve done like a modernized 1950sish? (is that when men wore waistcoats and those pajama coats like that?) theme with the costumes and set design. and one of the sets is a bar instead of someone’s garden or something. i love it 9/10

anne hathaway

QUEEN. another woven texture and i still love it. the slits are fantastic, very sexy very cool. the tits part of it makes me think of katy perry music videos and i dig that. gotta be careful though she might be stealing a $150 million necklace 9/10

pedro pascal

i fucking love this look. i love the red and the coat is glorious. not to mention the shorts. like normally i’d hate that but i’m really digging it. he looks like he’s a don in a mafia movie with really obvious color imagery but it’s like, 1/4 yale boy yacht party 9/10

kim kardashian

i honestly really like the arm train, it’s really beautiful and elegant. unfortunately the body part doesn’t match that vibe at all in a way that doesn’t work. also i feel like i’ve seen that exact type of dress before. not a fan. also frankly she shouldn’t have been invited back for RUINING a historical artifact. 2/10

salma hayek

another red look and i dig it. i like that kind of skirt and the bodice is cool, they don’t match BUT in a way that works! it’s interesting! also i see that lil bit of lace on her leg poking through. 7/10

jennifer lopez

gorgeous but a long train alone doesn’t make a look interesting. gotta give me more than that and the hat is not working for me 4/10

eileen gu

a good look for a children’s ho— *i am shot in the head and die instantly and my body is dragged into an unmarked van by masked people in nondescript uniforms*

8/10

[loathsome]

I feel so completely unqualified for my job LOL like i really tricked myself into here huh. Like all of my coworkers are super outgoing and friendly which is GREAT for a job where youre working with other students and helping them with their writing and idea development etc. and i um. Am not good at talking to people.