#and i feel extremely alone
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#wondering if i should go back on dating apps#it never gave anything to me#i'm just a sad combination of unwanted things put together#and i attract people i am not attracted to (no one's fault i guess)#racial profiling is tough as people think 'looking like me' makes me interested in them#while having nothing in common and even things i don't want to deal with#but now that i'm older maybe things could be different#although men in their late 50s with nothing in common with me is also a thing#and with my gender identity and being demi while unfortunately looking very much like a woman...#it shouldn't be so hard#but it is#and i feel extremely alone#and it's really weighing on my mental health#friends and family are so far from me#i could use some nice companionship...#anyway i'll delete that later i just needed to put it somewhere
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Ask me what type of romantic dreams I have at night.
The man in my dreams:
(He wasn't happy I escaped from my gilded cage)
#I haven't stopped thinking about him#that dream will not leave me alone#I NEED to know what he was going to do to me#he wanted me so bad I could feel his burning gaze on me#my ocs#obsessive yandere#yandere#tw yandere#dark imagines#dark art#dark content#stalker bf#stalking fantasy#dead dove do not eat#this is extremely unhealthy but I need him#tw dubcon#tw noncon
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fucked my entire day up thinking about an undead person intentionally inhaling and exhaling while holding or sleeping beside someone they love even though they don't need to because the motion and sound of breath makes them feel safe and secure
#🐉#this is tangentially a#VALshrue#post#idk if VAL *needs* to breathe anymore but she does say she doesnt eat or sleep#so i like to imagine her intentionally choosing to sometimes just to make shrue feel less alone#like how cats show affection by mirroring you even though it doesnt benefit them in any way#<- thoughts of a guy who is extremely healthy and well btw
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The more I think about it, the more I question Arcane S2's politics and themes, which were so foundational to S1. Like, a tiny example [SPOILERS AHEAD]:
Singed wins. He gets exactly what he wants in the end. All his "efforts" are rewarded. What does that say about people who share his ideology of eugenics? He is the source of nearly every horrible thing and conflict that happened (Shimmer, the factory deaths, Jinx, Vander as Warwick, the corruption of Viktor), and he gets a happier ending than any other character. Not even a 'he got what he wanted but he has become completely unrecognizable/monstrous to his daughter' tag at the end. You can say they're setting him up and need to open his daughter to future shows, but the way you end a character's story says something about what you think about that character. What does it say when the eugenicist war criminal gets the happy ending he doesn't deserve?
#personal#delete later#and you can say “it's not that deep it's just what makes sense to end his character” but lets not kid ourselves#this past month people have been chattering about microexpressions in animation or metaphors and symbolism in interactions#and random props and set details. the end of a character's arc MEANS something thematically.#and it just feels offputting that the most unforgivable character wins while everyone else is dead or suffers alone#and don't give me that “sometimes the bad guy wins” look this is an extreme lol.#i would be fine with this outcome for singed if literally EVERY other character wasn't suffering. only singed got what he wanted#honestly fans who have been completely unwilling to consider negative analysis and criticisms of arcane annoy me so much#y'all chirp about how amazing it is that arcane is so political until the politics get weird. then it's a completely apolitical show#specifically the final “dirt under you fingernails” line. that felt so weird and offputting coming from vi#a part of this is definitely just reactionary anger at a fictional character. like. you caused untold amounts of suffering and agony#all for your daughter. fuck you you don't get your daughter
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First Kanaphan as Kant (The Heart Killers, 2024-2025)
#thkedit#the heart killers#the heartkillers#first kanaphan#thk kant#asianlgbtqdramas#tuserrowan#userjamiec#userbon#tusersilence#tuserhidden#fordaniseyes#my gifs#my edits#mine: kant#mine: the heart killers#i couldn't even begin to figure out a caption#i gave up entirely#these are extremely self indulgent gifs#but *somehow* i feel like i'm not alone in this appreciation
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180524 Mnet BTS Comeback Show Highlight Reel cr. 0613data
#bts#min yoongi#suga#bts suga#jeon jungkook#jungkook#bts jungkook#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan#btsgif#btsedit#bts gifs#jk gifs#suga gifs#my gifs#yoonkook#180524 mnet#pestering hyung lol#didn't blur the subtitles this time because why would they put them over his hand :'(#and the corner marks eh i just didn't feel like it#i'm trying to get a few sets out but i have been extremely busy#and when i'm not working or taking care of my mom then i'm usually sleeping#it's been... rough#but i am working on a few sets from this video#i like to gif the entire section i'm working on and then split them up into sets#because sometimes some gifs go better with others#and i've got a few left to go lol#but this one is a good stand alone so i'm just gonna put it up#i've got one more i'll queue for tomorrow too
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there's something so odd yet fascinating about how fanworks for mxtx's books tend to misinterpret the literal protagonists of her stories more than any other characters
#keri chats#mxtx#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#my extremely watered down hypothesis: it's the Yaoi Bottom Protagonist Effect#fans often hit shen qingqiu with the Isekai Transmigrator Identity Crisis beam or Returnee Angst beam#but he canonically doesn't think of himself as “shen yuan” or yearn for his og family even once across the years he's been in PIDW verse#he likes where he is now & is kinder n friendlier w his peak lord peers than ppl realize. it's not a ruse or acting. he's really like that!#wei wuxian... i could fit 50 essays on him alone tbh i've talked abt him in other posts & mostly blame c/q/l for the characterization hell#xie lian objectively got hit hardest by the yaoi sub fanon beam LMAO he's inexperienced w romance and sex but not... not like that#xie lian is a lying liar who lies. he tricks and mocks people. pretends not to know things. a smart weapon-loving martial god#xie lian doesn't easily share his thoughts even with the reader bc of how badly he's been hurt. but he sees all the signs of love#and he knows what he desires. he just takes a very very long time to feel comfortable acting on it
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Roevember Day 8: Meal
[ A rugged little journal sits atop the nightstand, it is akin to a diary of sorts. It’s wrapped in leather, not perfectly tanned but also not too shabby of a job, and the pages within are held together by a makeshift spine, some sort of sturdy fabric is weaved through the corners of them all. All of it indicates that it was crafted by hand. Many pages are stained in some way - tears, food, blood, sometimes a combination - wrinkled, or slightly ripped and torn. The handwriting is legible, but still a bit wobbly and messy, some pages worse than others. Here is one of the later pages... ] It's been weeks, hells, maybe even over a month. I don't know. I don't have the energy to keep track of time anymore. It's just been a while ever since... Ifrit. Guilt and what-if's actively gnaw at my brain, I could have helped her save them. Maybe the crew - her family - would still be here if I just did something, regardless if they were tempered. I thought she hated me with how I hadn't seen her for so long; not for meals, not for sleep, not even in the mornings. I would've understood. But I saw her today, and she did not scold or tell me to leave. I hastily prepped some roasted sweetfish and toast for us, for her. It ain't much, but... it's something. Ryss uttered such an exhausted, heartwrenching "Thank you." I missed her, and I had a long cry over it later that evening.
roevember prompt list ryssrael is @oneiroy's
#roevemberxiv#roevemberxiv2024#gpose#ffxiv#femroe#au roe#fornax#ryssrael#the sun and star#oh man i had to really refrain from writing MORE. bc this is an extremely critical part of their developments in their backstory together#fornax's indecisiveness weighed heavy on them and they pinned a lot of blame on themselves for the crew's death#they felt they didn't deserve to call the hideout back in limsa a home anymore. they wanted to run away. but they had ryss#and they didn't want to abandon her. they wanted to help make it still feel like home for her despite everything#fornax left notes and always tried to leave a meal for ryss to come back to and tried to keep the hideout somewhat tidy. clean clothes. etc#they didn't want HER to feel alone... even if they themselves were alone for a long time while trying to keep the threads together#fornax still cared about ryss even at her lowest and most vulnerable. anyways. goes to cry in the club
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Something I think is extremely interesting thematically when it comes to connecting what Downfall and the ideas it tackled to the overarching narrative of campaign three is that the things Downfall made a point to showcase of Aeor—Cassida, Hallis, the visual of an aeormaton proposing to her partner, the specific and intentional decision to shed light on a far from insignificant amount of the population being civilians or refugees—is that it plays in perfect parallel across from what is happening (and, really, has been happening) to the ruidusborn on Exandria in present.
Bear with me for a moment. Aeor is ultimately a city that was collectively punished for the decisions of its leadership. We could (and, judging by the amount of discourse around this particular topic already, probably will) argue about what the Gods’ motivation for all of this was—whether it be that they could not, in the end, bear to kill their siblings or that they were terrified at the prospect of mortality—for me it is a very healthy dose of both—but for this I am much more interested in the latter. They were scared. That, really, is the driving force behind both this arc and their role in c3 as a whole.
Why I point this out is: It is far more interesting to me, especially as we go back to Bells Hells this week, to dissect the Gods and their decisions not purely on sympathetic motivation alone but as beings in the highest seat of power in the highest social class in Exandria.
So, having established that the Gods (in relation to mortals) are more a higher social class than anything we could compare to our real life understanding of divinity and that Aeor was eviscerated largely because of their fear—what is the difference between those innocents in Aeor caught in the trappings of their autocratic government leadership and a divine war on the ground, and those of the ruidusborn being manipulated both by Ludinus and by the very thing that inspired such visceral fear in the Gods to start with. I would argue very little.
I think of Cassida, doing what she genuinely thought was right and good and would save people, her son, and the object of her worship—and how that did not matter enough to any of them to spare her because of the fear they held at the very concept of mortality. I think of Liliana and Imogen, one of which we know begged for the gods to help her or send her a sign for years on years, and how every single one of their largest struggles could have been avoided had the gods loved them, their supposed children, as much as they feared what they could be. I think of how the thing that did save Imogen, in the end, was a woman who herself existed in direct defiance of the gods will. I think of that young boy, sixteen years old, that Laudna exalted on Ruidus.
I think it’s completely fair to judge Aeor’s overall society as deeply corrupt—it was!—but its leadership and police force are not a reflection of every one of its citizens. Similarly, it is fair to judge the Ruby Vanguard as corrupt—it is!—but its multiple heads of leadership and even the god-eater further are not a reflection of every one of its members.
Notably, and what I think the Hells will latch onto, this did not matter to the Gods. It did not matter that Cassida was trying to help. She was still too much of a risk. Will it matter, what Imogen does? Will it matter, if that young boy is in the blast radius when they decide to take no further chances?
I’ve seen a lot of people say that the Hells will side with the gods and I don’t think I agree. Especially as Imogen has been scolded and villainized over and over for daring to try and save her mother—who herself has been seen by some as an irredeemable evil in spite of her drive being the exact same—her family—but when it’s the Gods it’s justified? When it’s the Gods, it’s sympathetic? Too sympathetic to criticize further than “they’re family”?
I obviously do not think the Gods should die or be eaten or what have you, and I certainly don’t agree with Ludinus (though I find him much more compelling than just a variation of hubris wizard), but when talking about the Gods in Aeor and in present it isn’t really at all about their motivation or their family. It can’t be. Too many people, including our active protagonists, lives have been effected for it to be as cut and dry as “they’re family”. These are your children. They are your family, too.
#critical role#cr meta#cr spoilers#critical role spoilers#imogen temult#liliana temult#ludinus da'leth#does this make sense. I feel like i lost my initial thread somewhere around the middle bc my brain is currently spread very thin#but tldr: it is extremely interesting to me that the fall of aeor is such a perfect parallel to the ruidusborn#i could also go on endlessly ENDLESSLY about how cassida and liliana play the exact same role#and also i could go on even longer on what divinity as a concept even means in a world like exandria#and how trying to compare it to our real life understanding of divinity is a bit fruitless#on the basis that a person can become a god alone but also that they themselves undeniably exist#but its so good. it ties in so well. brennan did a fucking fantastic job at capturing the abject horror of it all#also aabria iyengar if you can hear me PLEASE bring deanna back i will send you fifty dollars#and also hello i very briefly said hello at the live show and wanted to tell you how incredible i think you are but alas#where did these tags go#anyway#WOAH this is long. I should’ve been writing fic. alas.#really I don't think any of the hells are gonna be able to just. gloss over the casualties of it all. but especially mog and ashton and lau#tal has even already said that downfall made some things better for ash and some things Worse so I know I'm not too far off#I have. many many thought on how laudna will see it all too.#truly think she is going to be the most vocally horrified
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Is that canon!?! Was Machete just really naive/didn't really understand the implications of his relationship to Vasco? Did his mentor ever find out about them or discuss such things with him? I assume bc he didn't have parents, he kinda didn't get educated on sex or anything. Was it a big shock to realize he was "sinning"?
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#eh I was just exaggerating it for comedy because the page was so unintentionally funny and fitting#he might've been a little bit naive but was painfully aware he was in a relationship with a man and that it was forbidden#his mentor was all about asceticism and mortification and extreme self-denial#and had drilled it into his head that practically all romantic feelings let alone sex were foolish and sinful and should be shunned#so his feelings about the whole thing were complicated but in the end Vasco was more important#not to sound corny#but there was a hole in his heart that he had desperately tried to fill with god that never seemed to care about him#and once he got some of that love he had been aching for#from another living person#he had to do what it takes to make room for that in his belief system#how could such a tender fulfilling and healing thing be wrong#answered#anonymous#his mentor did eventually find out about them and wasn't very happy about it#to put it mildly#but by that point Machete had managed to mostly inch his way out from under his heel#he was graduating and getting ordained and wouldn't be going back to Naples#if it were up to him he'd never want to see him again
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— THE ELECTRIC-FEVER REMEDY.
#my posts.#lackadaisy#my art.#thinking about … rocky ‘winning’#in the sense that mitzi ends up completely alone and can only rely on his help to keep lackadaisy afloat …#making him irreplaceable — finally! and wick is nowhere to be seen to save the day anymore … so it’s just him#and maybe mitzi’s miserable and he’s miserable but he doesn’t care about it really … he’s just happy to be important … essential … etc#mitzi has shrunk and she’s become blurry and faceless because rocky is indulging in his victory#is too busy internally celebrating to really. notice her. so she’s small and disproportionate … murky …#AHEM! since i can’t write about my mitzi/rocky feelings i’ll art about it ( very quickly lmfao )#i just think rocky’s obsession with mitzi and being the person she relies on most is something he takes to extremes#and will continue to do so the way his arc is going. there’s not much left for him outside of ‘this’ anyway … or so he believes#i also think they will continue to drag each other down …#rocky doomed by the narrative and mitzi IS that narrative. they’re fucked but at least they have each other i suppose!!!#i have so many more thoughts and ofc this is more metaphorical …#but i do think. about the darkness around the corner for the two of them … hm! anyway! yeah!#rocky rickaby#mitzi may#wrote up these tags and drew this at like 3am to 5am so thats why i sound crazy#OH and the lines are from the bunnybox page in the comic <3 where he compares her to drugs twice <3#totally NOT a really bad sign im sure!! that would be silly :3
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Give me five whole minutes.
Credits: Me
#I sobbed like a baby during Missing Limbs but I didn't expect the end of Euclid to catch me so bad#but hearing that line. hearing that *song* that has constantly ran rampant in my mind. That I've held so close to my chest? Amazing#absolutely fucking amazing#let alone getting to sing it along with 20k other people#the Espera sounded gorgeous Vessel sounded gorgeous and ii iii and IV played wonderfully well#(about to be a bit vunerable so bear with me)#I said in one of my other posts that 'I think my soul came out of my body for a bit' and I mean that whole heartedly. because this is where#call it an extreme reaction but I felt all my blood go out of my fingers and just this. humungous weight peeling itself off of my shoulders#I jokingly call myself a cockroach a lot because I tend to have bitterly bad luck and just try my best to get back up after it and this jus#I'm describing as I go and it's the hardest thing to illustrate#I felt welcomed. like the warm feeling when you come home and the heatings on in Winter#never will I ever fully be able to execute the thanks I have for what this band has done for me#for what you guys in this community have done for me#this felt like a peak and I think I'll forever being going upwards from here. this and you guys have made the climb so much easier#perhaps the appropriate time to simply say 'worship'#mel's rambles#mel's photos#sleep token#st#teeth of god tour#tog tour#vessel#vessel sleep token#euclid#song euclid#tmbte#sleep token tmbte#take me back to eden#+ again. kindly ignore me crying and singing
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werewolf bernard x witch tim
#thinking of this in terms of bitten wolf bernard who seeks out tim bc he’s the most proficient at potions and remedies#looking for a cure bc he already doesnt feel normal or like he fits in society and this has just amplified that to the extreme#not feeling like himself and just massive amounts of discomfort in his body bc of the changes that he’s facing#heightened senses and a deep yearning for some type of connection (wolfs are pack animals)#and tim who has to break the new that bernard’s stuck with this for the rest of his life#but who doesnt want him to go through this alone bc he knows what thats like and he doesnt wish that on anyone#guiding him through all the changes and slowly filling that sense of pack to bernard#tim who has closed himself off and exist in this little corner of the world to limit any type of socialization bc of a accident that happen#early in him coming into his magic#them helping each other bernard learning to live with his new normal and tim learning its okay to lean on others#blah blah blah#im literally just yapping in these tags (sorry)#they really could work for any type of supernatural pairing#i just really like the idea of werewolf bernard#timbern#timber#bernard dowd#tim drake#dc
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i like ‘em a little insane, covered in blood and severely mentally unstable <3
#ʬʬ.sosa speaks.com#!tw blood#!tw gore & violence#the grimm variations#the way i watched this on netflix but IMMEDIATELY ran to a streaming site to rewatch….#just to take screenshots……im so insane#when i tell you#for 10 minutes i could NOTTTTTT get past the scene in the first 4 photos#i was feeling so so so so crazy and extremely feral it was hard to contain myself#bc i wasn’t expecting it at all#i have so many things to say about this episode 😭😭😭😭😭😭#aside from this man it was actually really good the plot twist was plot twisting !!#the cinematography the music the animation the voice acting ALL A1 & TOP TIER#they did not have to make him look this DAMN GOOD??? he’s so deranged you guys i wouldn’t wanna be alone with this man 😭#but at the same time………………..👀👀#idk i want him to choke me while he deep in it and say compliment my every body part#not just in a romantic way but in a ‘i want to eat you and satiate my ever growing desire for human flesh and authenticity’ kind of way too#the fact that in the eng dub he’s voiced by ray chase makes it NO BETTER! his voice was so sexy here
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I finally watched Gift of the Night Fury and I gotta say this is my favorite characterization of Astrid ever. Like I have no hate against her she’s always just been a yeah she’s cool kinda character to me but her being so optimistic in gotnf bordering on manic is so good to me. Her trying her best to forcefully bring cheer during sad times is so entertaining and gives her the chaotic touch that I always felt her character was missing. And those moments when it’s apparent that she’s really bad at comforting people sometimes is so funny to me it makes her feel a little more real.
Also I think the art style really helped I don’t know how to explain it other than it feels like they syringe fed like two tiny droplets of Tim Burton into it - it gives all the characters a slightly insane look in their eyes favorite animation style for em yet <3
#no I don’t mean that it looks like a Tim burton animation I just have extremely specific ways of describing things#it’s a gut feeling okay leave me alone or2#also did I ever mention that their kid versions are my favorite version designs of them#well I am now#there’s just a really gremliny touch that their adult versions are missing later on#they look feral (affectionate)#gift of the night fury#httyd 1#httyd#how to train your dragon#one of my rare rambling posts#astrid hofferson#gotnf really fleshed out Astrid’s character to me#I wish she was like that all the time
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You know when I originally suggested that maybe Dragon is the one who gave Crocodile his scar and/or took his left hand --if only because [Dragon not recognizing the big scary man with a baby when he was supposed to go see his wife, assuming the worst and acting accordingly] would make for an A-Class tragedy and great fucking drama (something which I would expect to see in One Piece)-- I wasn't fully convinced with the idea, I just considdered it just another option on What Could Have Happened between those two to get us where we are ...But the more I think about it, the more I've started to kind of believe it. And for two key reasons, first being kind of everything we know about Whitebeard, and the second being the basic logistics around the suggested scenario to begin with
By which I mean; if Dragon had indeed gone to see his wife so he could deliver their newborn baby to Garp, but instead came face-to-face with a man he had never seen before but who just happened to have the exact same and very specific facial scar as his wife and/or the same god damn hook... Like I can't say he SHOULD be able to recognize Crocodile instantly, but also, surely either of those features would make him stop for a moment think and/or talk before he'd jump into action, let alone if the man had both the scar and the hook. Of course, there is an argument to be made that maybe Crocodile had a smaller hook originally that no longer fit on his wrist after getting jacked so maybe Crocodile just wasn't wearing any hook at all, and a missing limb isn't an unusual disability on its own, at least not enough to faze Dragon. And who knows, maybe the two were supposed to meet on a dark and stormy night, in which case between the low light and the rain it could've been hard for Dragon to see any scars on Crocodile's face from a distance. These are both reasonable arguments, absolutely. But, as I have mentioned a few times before, sometimes the path of least resistance might be the most likely option as far as story speculation goes. If Crocodile had both his hands and no scar on his face, then Dragon wouldn't have had any way to immidiately and instantly recognize Croc (aside from his fashion sense) as he would've been missing (what we would now considder) his most distinquishing features. Which would it much easier for Dragon to jump into action and attack the strange man without a second thought.
And then there's Whitebeard. Whitebeard, who was kind of famous for stomping rookie pirates only to invite them to join his crew as his "sons", but who also had a weird thing about not having women in his crew (his nurses aside), because he believed "women do not belong on a battlefield". For one, that actually kind of supports the "Crocodile is openly trans" theory because, again, how the fuck would Croc have been pre-t AND stealth as a Wardlord getting his shit kicked in by Whitebeard? Like it's not impossible, as we have discussed many times before (and that is not the point of this post!!), but once again it would be easier to just assume Crocodile was still living as a woman at this point in time. And indeed, that could answer the question of "why would Whitebeard not invite Crocodile into his crew to be one of his children like Ace and everyone else?". If Croc was still living and presenting as a woman at this point, Whitebeard would not have even wanted him in his crew. (Sidenote but since Whitebeard seemed to have no issues with Jinbei hanging around the Moby Dick despite being a Warlord I don't think Crocodile's Shichibukai status should've had any impact on WB's ability to invite him to his crew. To be fair though, Jinbei did join the Shichibukai much later so it is possible WB could've just changed his position on the subject over the years) And that leads to this question; if Whitebeard has that kind of views on women, then would he ever go as far as to severely injure and scar (someone he viewed as) a woman right on their face? With an attack that could have very easily chopped Crocodile's entire head in half like a god damn burger bun if he weren't careful? Do you think Whitebeard would have chopped Crocodile's left hand off and left him permanently disabled if he viewed him as a woman who shouldn't be a fighter to begin with? Yes, to be fair, we do not know the circumstances under which Crocodile challenged Whitebeard into a fight and what kind of a pirate Crocodile had been up until that point, what his reputation had been and if he had done anything in particular to invite Whitebeard's wrath (much like Kid and Barto with Shanks). Like for all we know he could've done something truly heinous and fucked up enough that Whitebeard thought teaching him a lesson was justified.
Just, looking at all of these notes together, I can't help but to feel that it's actually very plausible Dragon could be the one responsible for one of Crocodile's injuries if not both (if Crocodad Real).
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Sir Crocodile#Crocodad#Dragodile#Also yeah if Dragon did Do That to Croc then that would explain why they PRESUMABLY haven't seen nor talked to each other in like 19 years#Like how would you feel if you found out you almost killed your beloved and left him permanently disabled. How would you ever even apologiz#How would you ever go about begging for forgiveness from someone else when you'd probably never be able to forgive YOURSELF to begin with#Like yes it would have been a tragic accident but also like. That's your significant other. Or at least WAS.#You know me I'm a sucker for Tragic (and Extremely Divorced) Dragodile#Sitenote but if Crocodile hadn't even figured out his Gender Shit yet when fighting Whitebeard then like#Whitebeard beating his ass but refusing to do anything drastic because he didn't want to "hurt a woman'' would like#Like that might not crack an egg but god damn would that fucking feel BAD (in a way he didn't quite understand) and be humiliating#Also yes it is possible WB would've given Croc at least one of his injuries. Absolutely viable. I just don't think he did BOTH#Also like if you subscribe to the Croc is Xebec's son theory then that alone would give Croc enough beef with WB to explain Summit War#It's not a requirement for WB to have taken Croc's hand for Croc to have a vendetta against WB (with that theory in mind at least)
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