#and i dont mean this against anybody or any of my relationships with anybody only

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Love is Stored in the Cat: A Nepeta Leijon Character Study

I guess these are a series now! I also have a request for Feferi in my inbox that I'll get around to eventually.

SO! Dear, sweet Nepeta.

Nepeta is the troll that is most against the existence of the hemocaste.

I believe the Ultimate Self speech was originally going to be from her, not Davepetasprite^2.

She's bad at shipping.

These all make her extremely impurrtant!!!

So furst of all, I'm going to start with the same disclaimer as my Eridan essay (go read that first!!! It sets up a lot of ideas that I'm expanding on here), which is that the things Hussie says are going to be lowered in value, because he likes to play coy about plot stuff. I'm also not counting anything but the actual text as canon, and even with in that text, I'm counting everything after GAME OVER as soft canon - a suggestion of what would have been, often truncated for time, often a deliberate middle finger to the shitty fandom.

Okay, so with that squared away!

Nepeta Says Fuck The Hemocaste

I'm not going to bother doing a deep dive on Nepeta's characterization, because fur the most part, I think the fandom more or less gets her right - she wears her heart (h33h33) on her sl33ve, after all! She's a very sweet little catgirl who loves roleplay and shipping, who is also a vicious hunter of wild beasts and lives in a cave. She's very nice and friendly, but has a tough streak and a spine.

She also says fuck the hemocaste, why does that even exist:

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else!

This is a radical stance not outright shared by any of the other trolls. Aradia calls highbloods "hateful sn0bs" that she and Tavros shouldn't have "ever had anything t0 d0 with", the highbloods are, of course, all casteist to varying degrees, and even Karkat seems fairly accepting of the class divide, at one point taunting Vriska that her rejection from the blue team is "ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY". Not to mention his long-held dream of becoming a threshecutioner.

Even Feferi, despite saying to Eridan that "W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!!", is actually perfectly comfortable with the caste system's existence, comparing having to stop using her royal typing quirk to "peasant-IFICATING" herself - and let's not forget that a Beforus under her rule had its caste system 100% intact.

This means that Nepeta is the ONLY troll who has said, in no uncertain terms, that the caste system should not exist. It's stupid, it's bad, and it doesn't meowtter!

AND SHE'S RIGHT.

But she's never able to fully express this opinion, which brings us to:

A COMPLICKATED RELATIONSHIP WITH EQUIUS

Now, before I say anything, I must insist that I do believe these two work as good moirails. That does not, however, stop them from being 13, and therefore, being poor to each other the way 13-year-olds sometimes are. I don't think they should break up; I think they should re-examine certain dynamics, and I think they need some space to breathe apart from each other.

Equius has a lot of problems, which I won't get into overmuch here, because... that's a whole essay on its own (are you people seeing a trend yet). But with regards to Nepeta specifically, he's extremely controlling and protective, to the point where she's a little scared of him before the game begins:

AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first GC: BL4R!!!!! GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU AC: :33 < i know! AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything

She's also afraid to tell him about her crush on Karkat, since she knows he doesn't like Karkat:

AC: :33 < well AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33 AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

By the time they end their game, she's gotten over this fear, seeing as she spends many hours curled up with Equius in a pile of robotics parts, but it still must be noted that they have some issues in their relationship that were never resolved, primarily on Equius's end. What this means for Nepeta, however, is that in addition to setting her up as the most outright anti-classism troll, the comic sets her up to be socially isolated due to her moirail's paranoia about letting her associate with both lowbloods (seeing them as bad influences) OR other highbloods, seeing them as dangerous.

He's not entirely wrong - his refusal to allow her to participate in FLARP kept her from winding up entangled in the horrible chain of revenge, as Tavros alludes:

AT: iT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, AT: tHAT YOU LISTEN TO HIM, AC: :33 < i dont know AC: :33 < you think so? AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU, AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps

But he's still wrong. And it's probably an uncontrolled manifestation of his Heir of Void abilities - he's both consciously and unconsciously hiding her from other people.

This isn't to say she doesn't stand up for herself! Many of her discussions with Equius are pseudo-arguments, and she does get her way often enough, managing to get him to roleplay with her, and managing to get him back in the roboti% pile to talk about his feelings about Aradia. She also talks to the humans explicitly against Equius's orders, although she's keeping it a sneakret from him:

NEPETA: :33 < but equius already furbid me from doing that :(( NEPETA: :33 < not that i am listening to him, but shhhhh! :33 KARKAT: WAIT, HE DID? KARKAT: OK, THEN AS YOUR LEADER I ORDER YOU TO RP WITH THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. BE AS OBNOXIOUS ABOUT IT AS YOU CAN. NEPETA: :33 < yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

But the fact that she has to tiptoe around him like this speaks to them having issues in their relationship that go unexamined and unresolved, especially since it's clear that Nepeta really would like to be friends with more people, were Equius not getting in her way. So, even though I do think they are good moirails for each other - they clearly genuinely, deeply care about one another. But they could use some relationship counselling.

In fact, Jasprosesprite^2 outright calls her lonely:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: Or the girl who likes ships! Cause they made her less lonely. ;3

So, she's anti-hemocaste and lonely, two character traits that were set up and never resolved. And beclaws this is Nepeta, in her honor, I'm going to talk about a third:

Her Unrequited Crush On Karcat

She has the BIGGEST flushed crush on Karkat. It's seen on her shipping wall twice, once with the word OTP on it.

And, despite never discussing it with her moirail, Nepeta mentions it once to Jaspersprite, and once to Jasprosesprite^2.

Now, I'm not really here to debate on the validity of KatNep - I think it's fine, even if I don't personally ship it, and don't personally think it would work out (there are lots of indications that they wouldn't work out, including Jasprosesprite^2 outright saying so). However, her crush on Karkat is both complicated and creates some interesting setups for her character. I am going to discuss it fairly critically either way, so KatNep shippers have been warned.

A lot of her feelings about Karkat - and about shipping in general - wind up being heavily interlinked with her status as a Hero of Heart, so I'm going to expand on it more there. But what I will note in this section is the fact that, despite Nepeta insisting twice that she doesn't think Karkat knows about her crush on her:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < it was karkat NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but i never told him and im pretty sure he never found out how i felt!

He tooootally did:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK?

Interpret that how you will for shipping purposes, but I want to propose that this is a reflection of their statuses as Heart and Blood players. Heart, despite its players' obsessions with romance, is not the romance aspect, Blood is. Karkat displays this very same romantic acumen when he tells Dave that he's known Terezi and Gamzee were a thing for a long time, despite everyone else on the meteor trying to keep it a secret from him. Heart is, instead, about identity, feelings, motivations, souls, and self. In other words:

Nepeta Is Kind Of Bad At Shipping

Let's take a look at those shipping walls.

Let's break this down a little. Nepeta's ships are not entirely wrong, but even the successful ones are kind of wrong. Here's what I mean. We've already discussed how Equius and Nepeta's moirallegiance has some... issues in it. If we go down her list of ships that actually do happen, most of them have some issues in them!

Aradia expresses her regret for getting together with Equius in the Ministrife. Kanaya and Rose suffer some major relationship problems when Rose starts drinking, to the point Karkat feels a need to step in as an auspice. Karkat and Gamzee fail, as Karkat is not calmed by Gamzee, and Gamzee stops listening to Karkat. And while Sollux and Feferi seem to be fairly healthy, after they both wind up in the Furthest Ring, he's pretty much always next to Aradia - he and Feferi don't even get to exchange words with each other once they're in the Furthest Ring. Purrsonally, I think he and Feferi are meant to end up as moirails, but shhhh.

So what's happening here? Well, this goes back to her identity as a Heart player. Heart is concerned with feelings and motivations.

They simply want to understand the one thing we all are stuck with for our entire lives, i.e. our own minds. Forging an identity is extremely important to the Heart-bound, and every decision and action goes toward building a coherent narrative of their own story. That isn't to say Heart-bound don't care deeply for their friends and allies; they just have a tendency to assume that everyone is as concerned with identity as they are.

Nepeta's shipping has also been associated with her isolation and loneliness. When you put this together, it implies that Nepeta's shipping is about her desire to understand others, and much of her ships are based on one of the parties having feelings, regardless of compatibility, feasibility, or broader implications. After all, despite the fact that she has pretty terrible romantic acumen, she IS able to instinctively identify that Eridan's advances toward her were insincere:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well ok i guess eridan hit on me a few times NEPETASPRITE: :33 < but his advances always struck me as cr33py and insincere

And that Karkat secretly LOVES and RESPECTS his friends:

JASPROSESPRITE^2: On the contrary Nepeta. You deserve someone who will RESPECT and ADORE you. NEPETASPRITE: :33 < well... yes NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i always hoped to find someone like that some day NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i dunno maybe youre right but in spite of whatever problems he might have i always felt like i saw something in him that made me think he could be that purrson!

Or knowing that Equius loves to play games, and still feels sad about Aradia exploding:

AC: :33 < i s33 right through your stupid act, who are you trying to kid! AC: :33 < look how you go out of your way to use words that have x's in them so that you can use your silly purrcent signs AC: :33 < or use these absurd words that you can shoehorn a '100' into, even if its not strictly replacing 'loo'!!! AC: :33 < you are so transpurrent AC: :33 < i can tell you like to play games, d33p down you are a guy who likes to play games! AC: :33 < i can smell a guy who likes to play games from so fur away with this nose, you have no idea X33

NEPETA: :33 < she was so happy, just like she used to be, and she said she would s33 you soon! EQUIUS: D --> That's a nice thought, and thank you for sharing it EQUIUS: D --> But it was only a dream, and will surely have no consequence in reality NEPETA: :33 < equius? NEPETA: :33 < are those f33lings i an detecting with my wiggly whiskery nose? EQUIUS: D --> Maybe

Because feelings, and not relationships, are her actual domain.

And speaking of Heart powers...

Nepeta and the Ultimate Self

So from this point forward, I'm going to assume you're more or less agreeing with my take that at some point after Game Over, Hussie - for whatever reason - gave up on his original ending, and wound up truncating his ideas so he could finish the comic faster. I go more into detail about that here.

So, in this hypothetical original ending, I firmly believe that the speech about the Ultimate Self would have come from Nepeta. First, let's take a look at what the "Ultimate Self" entails, as it appears within the comic:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everything that ever happens to every version of you is an important part of your ultimate self... like a superceding bodyless and timeless persona that crosses the boundaries of paradox space and unlike god tiers or bubble ghosts or whatever, it really IS immortal DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but in your physical form there are all these partitions in your mind that prevent you from remembering any of that which makes your existence f33l totally linear DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < which is probably for the best! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in a regular body s33ing all that would be too overwhelming ... DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and after it sinks in for a while you start coming to this understanding of a greater self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < maybe i "got it" quicker though because of the two people i was and their aspects DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < understanding heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < nepeta never got to make much headway with her aspect but shes finally gettin the chance DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the time aspect is all about running into different versions of yourself so you kinda get confronted with it in a really literal way that can be disturbing DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < obviously davesprite stuggled with that too, but now its fine DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < hes fr33 from worrying about it all and what it means for his place in reality DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < because he can s33 now all his selves have relevance in painting the full picture of who he truly is DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im not COMPLETELY sure because im not like some sort of ASPECT MASTER but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my avian slash feline intuition tells me that all roads will lead you here eventually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < gaining the d33pest possible understanding of any aspect will bring you to the same final conclusion about your ultimate self

Now, I believe - and I hope you'll agree - that it's kind of lame, narratively, for Davesprite to have been set up with so much angst about not being the "real Dave," and for Nepeta to have all her issues with loneliness and shyness, and for these two specific iterations of each other to have never interacted, but suddenly getting double-prototyped fixes all of their problems, and they achieve Ultimate Selfhood despite being two total strangers to each other. So let's instead break down the more salient points about what Ultimate Selfhood entails, divorced from the fact that it's Davepetasprite^2 doing the narrating:

Every player in the game possesses an "Ultimate Self," an ultimate culmination of all their experiences and memories, specifically referred to as a "persona"

Normally, people are not aware of this, because it would be too overwhelming to deal with so many memories and iterations of each other.

Everyone will achieve Ultimate Selfhood eventually as the final culmination of their understanding of their aspect.

Heart is all about the nuances of a distributed self.

Let's talk about that last one some more, and by that I mean, let's see what Calliope has to say about it:

TT: I don't know why it had to be this way for me. Juggling these two waking selves at once. TT: I guess I'm used to it, but it still makes for a pretty intense existence. TT: Do you even know what the deal with that is? Like is there any precedent in your readings? UU: i don't know aboUt precedent, bUt it makes plenty of sense to me as the type of path one might expect for a hero of heart. UU: a path rUled by the heart aspect can be a joUrney of splintered self. UU: that is, the player's being may exhibit the same kind of fragmentation which certain classes coUld caUse in others. UU: i think this is what has triggered yoUr dUal-awareness between waking and dream selves, thoUgh it woUld not sUrprise me if the symptoms manifested in even more ways than this.

Now, Dirk has a clawmplicated relationship with his alternate selves, given that he's a Prince, but Nepeta wouldn't have the same struggles, or at least, not to the same degree. The problem is, hampered by Equius and her own shyness about discussing her thoughts and feelings with others:

NEPETASPRITE: :33 < i get so shy and worried what people might think of me if i say how i f33l NEPETASPRITE: :33 < im always so scared that they wont f33l the same way or just think im stupid or pathetic or something

She never actually gets to explore this part of herself.

But What If... She Did?

The way I imagine the original ending going is that each troll that gets saved by John's interference in the timeline then asks John to help them fix their own mistakes, thereby saving somebody else. Each successive trip through the meteor brings new character development, and also riddles the comic with progressively more password pages, which I think would be really funny. And throughout all this the Game Over team is searching for Vriska, Meenah, and the treasure, and resolving their arcs that way, so it's not like they would be replaced - they're the ones who get to kill LE. The process, in my mind, goes like this:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent her from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros staying alive means that he and Gamzee wind up hashing out some stuff - Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. This is interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. So having Tavros back, alive, means that he and Gamzee would likely end up in some sort of relationship, probably pale despite flushed leanings, and would bring Gamzee back into the fold.

Gamzee would then be like, yeah, wow, that time I killed Nepeta and Equius was pretty bad, huh? Especially since his decision to hang onto his friends' bodies and prototype them is often interpreted as him genuinely feeling bad about his dead friends (he tells Kurloz to shut up when Kurloz mentions all the dead friends, and his religion seems to be about a paradise he wants to share with his friends anyway). So he'd ask John to prevent him from killing them, resulting in the two of them getting to live.

Things get much more hypothetical from here, since so much of the character dynamics would have changed, but I think by this point, Equius might command ask John to let him say goodbye to Aradiabot before she explodes, which he expresses feeling very sad about. However, in doing so, John and Aradiabot end up in the same room, and when she realizes that he has the ability to change the timeline without repercussions, she'd seize him by the arm and demand that he take her back in time, to before she died. After all, she expresses regrets about her reckless actions, and how she always felt like it was all one big setup.

She would take Aradia's place in the Vriska revenge chain, being once more freed of her robot chassis, and from there, would trick Doc Scratch and the Handmaiden into thinking everything was still going according to their designs. Meanwhile, Alive!Aradia would be hanging out at Equius's place, borrowing his void powers to avoid notice, coordinating a new timeline that keeps the beats of the original (too much deviation causes unpredictability, and an paradox'd timeline offshoot without John's direct interference would still become doomed), but allows them greater freedom and the ability to overcome the machinations of Doc Scratch and associates.

This would also prevent Sollux from becoming so self-loathing, since it's no longer "his fault" that Aradia dies, although he winds up in that hole again after Feferi gets killed. Now that his Aradia is alive, he wouldn't feel like he might as well stay in the bubbles because his closest companions are there, so he'd make it to the end, and would ask John to prevent Feferi's death.

Eridan still dies; he's so disconnected and isolated from all his friends that his course of actions is largely unaffected even by everybody else's timeline tweaks. But before Feferi can suggest bringing him back, Karkat would butt in.

The Friendship Troll should be the one to demand that ALL of their friends be revived, especially if they had everyone except only one guy, and Karkat and Eridan are heavily implied to be moirails anyway. The course of Karkat's fixes are so comprehensive, and primarily romance-based, that the end result of this final loop is everybody not only being alive, but god-tiered, with appropriate character development.

Now, where Nepeta's Heart powers would play into all of this is that she would start to notice something going on. After all, Heart players are sensitive to their splintered selves, and (Nepeta) is probably much closer to Nepeta than regular doomed timeline offshoots. As the loops continue, and Nepeta has more and more time to talk to people, and meets her dead alternate selves, and even meets (Nepeta), she starts to awaken to her Ultimate Self - to come into possession of alternate memories.

And if the Ultimate Self is a very soul-y kind of concept, such that Heart players have a natural advantage in coming to understand it, then isn't it a natural fit that a Rogue of Heart - one who steals from Heart or steals Heart for others - would be naturally inclined to share the wisdom of her alternate selves, and even the very concept of the Ultimate Self, with her friends?

Because the Ultimate Self is actually, in my opinion, a pretty good narrative device. It turns the sadness of the dead and doomed timelines into something littersweet instead, and makes it so any weirdness regarding time travel and not really knowing your friends anymore will eventually be resolved, even if off-screen.

It's not really narratively satisfying when Davepetasprite^2 suddenly comes into being and reaches enlightenment, but imagine if instead it's a post-character development Nepeta comforting Davesprite on his relevance, or Jade on her loneliness, or John on not really knowing these new post-retcon versions of his friends? It would feel a lot better, since in this hypothetical, she would have reached that point after on-screen character development. Being able to share her true self with her friends on the meteor - by necessity, since what else are they going to be doing for three years - leads to her finally being able to fulfill her role as a Rogue of Heart.

Also, at some point during these repeated meteor trips, she dates Karkat (whether that's successful or not, I'll leave to reader interpretation - you already know where I stand), fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date Karkat after she dies.

So that's two out of thr33 of her outstanding plot hooks resolved... okay. So, I try not to make these essays into ship propaganda, but hear me out:

Hate Is Stored In The FefNep

Okay, so, remember that thing about how Feferi is actually a huge casteist hypocrite? Well, let's also note that the comic, post-Murderstuck, seems to put Nepeta and Feferi together a lot - they're a Commodore and Rear Admiral in the ghost pirate army, respectively, and they also wind up as Fefetasprite. So I think it's not entirely out of left field to say that these two were implied to have SOMETHING going on.

And that something... is a difference in political views.

I mean, let's be real, there's a reason Fefetasprite is the most explode-prone after Tavrisprite. Miss "The Hemocaste is Stupid and Shouldn't Matter" vs. Miss "I Love Being A Princess And Call Jade Hornless and Finless (Derogatory)"? Come on, tell me you don't see it.

Without getting too much into Feferi, this hypocrisy, and unwillingness to check her privilege (so glad I found an excuse to use that term unironically), are probably her greatest character flaws - ie, the things you would expect the story to address about her. Meanwhile, one of Nepeta's flaws, which she laments to Jasproseprite^2, is that she feels too shy to talk about her feelings to other people, leading to her having never expressed her views on the hemocaste to anyone but Equius.

I think that they initially think they'd be friends. Each one of them would go "oh man, this other girl is soooo cute, I wish I could talk to her more often!"

And then, once they do, they realize they fucking hate each other. Nepeta would go "X00 < you are such a hypocrite who f33ls like youre better than all of us!!!" and Feferi would go "You're suc)( an uneducated glubbing P-EASANT! 3X0" and then they'd claw each others' eyes out. It would be so funny, and if a homestuck ship isn't extremely fucking funny, then why are we even here.

But more importantly, this would further them along into resolving each others' arcs - Feferi would be forced to grapple with the greater implications of classism, and Nepeta - who is shown having a spine the most in defiance of somebody else - would grow more aggressive about being open about her feelings in defiance of Feferi. Even Equius would get roped into it in a positive way - you can just imagine him going "D --> Can I really believe my auricular sponge clots D --> Nepeta, you are finally taking interest in politi%" and be 100% on board with teaching her so Feferi won't be able to call her uneducated.

And then for flushed, I dunno! Karkat's an option, and Jade and Jake also both love the fuck out of furries, and Tavros seems nice. But yeah I'll die on the fefnep hate ship. Guys it would be so funny.

Thank you as always for reading! Let me know if there's a troll you want to hear me ramble about next.

[lovelytsunoda]

heart too hot to hold | clement novalak

summary: staying at campus over thanksgiving wasn’t her first choice, but it was a hell of a lot better than a $800 round trip flight back home. over that one week while the campus was empty, she meets clement novalak and a rag-tag group of other holdovers who teach her valuable lessons about life and love

or, yn gets her breakfast club moment

pairing: college!clement novalak x college!reader

warnings: its basically the breakfast club lmao if they all chose to be there instead of being sent there against their will (if romance is not like what andrew and allison had i dont want it, i could go on for hours about how that was the most pure relationship in that movie), this is going to be a long one guys, implied smut at the end but it's not written out.

dedicated to my partner in clement related crime, @httpiastri

the campus felt different with nobody on it.

she stood by the fireplace in the second-floor common room, watching the last few cars leave campus. her own inexpensive second-hand car stayed in its reserved spot, the lot almost empty around it. her parking pass dangled from the mirror behind her yankee candle air freshener to mask the old-person smell that seemed to permeate the mazda when she bought it.

its not that she didn't want to go home for reading week. she really did. she missed her parents and she missed her house, but she simply did not have the budget to buy peak plane tickets to go one province over. if she wasn't scared of her car falling apart before she got there, she was willing to make the six hour drive over the quebec-ontario border, but she just did not care enough.

and that's why she made the decision to stay on campus and take a longer break for christmas. she passed from the fireplace to the kitchen, a mug in hand and a hot cocoa packet tucked into her back pocket. the lack of kitchen in the individual rooms made cooking her own meals quite hard, so she was looking forward to having the second floor kitchen all to herself.

her phone was connected to the common room chromecast, and she was enjoying being able to hear music she actually liked echo around the room.

"mind if i borrow the stove?"

the voice from behind made her jump, hot milk spilling over the counter. she cursed under her breath, reaching to turn off the obnoxiously loud music.

"i didn't realize anybody else was still here. i expected to be the only one." she'd heard most of her floor leave that morning, and watched all the parking lots on campus slowly empty. nobody else should have been there. "go ahead, i was just about done anyways."

the boy nodded, his floppy hair falling around his face. he was wearing a sweatshirt and baggy jeans, a small coffee stain on the collar. "i'm clement, i live on the third floor."

"y/n. second." she said, a little unsure as she wiped up the counter. "you're not going home?"

"nah. i'd never get any work done if i did. i'm too busy."

she snorted, taking a sip of her drink "i'm too poor. a round trip was about $800 for a flight that's just under an hour and a half. i would rather go home for christmas."

clement smiled at her softly. "i get that. do you want anything to eat? it would be a shame just to cook for one."

she peered at his stunning eyes through the fringe that fell over his face. paired with his pleading grin, it was as if the man was giving her the human equivalent of puppy dog eyes.

"yeah, what the hell. but i pick the movie. are you familiar with st. elmo's fire? i watch it every fall."

clement made a face. "never heard of it."

her jaw dropped. "you've never heard of st. elmo's fire? rob lowe, ally sheedy, emilio estevez, andrew mccarthy, demi moore and judd nelson?"

"none of those words mean anything to me."

"it's the movie that made the brat pack!" she shouted. "you have to see it, let me go grab the dvd. don't stop cooking while i'm gone!"

as she started down the hall, she heard clement shout behind her "you still have dvd's?"

"there's a dvd player in every room, almost makes it worth the crappy tv quality."

when she came back, the common room was full of the smell of fried beef, a pot of spaghetti on the stove. clement had taken his sweater off, now sporting a muscle top with the under armour logo over his heart. she paused for a moment, blinking before she walked over to him.

he was hot!

he had even topped up her mug with extra warm milk and some whipped cream. a cutting board next to the stove had a can of tinned tomatoes and a pile of chopped carrots.

"i see someone fancies himself a chef."

"yeah, its a bit of a hobby." he shrugged, a devlish smile on his face. "i'd offer you wine but it's considered contraband and i didn't want my ra confiscating my merlot, so i drank it all."

if this was the breakfast club, she couldn't figure out if he was more john bender or andrew clark. he had bender's devilish charm, but andy's reserved humor. he had a bit of a bad boy streak, but he wasn't a total dick (every time she watches the breakfast club, she becomes more aware of the fact that she would have punched john bender in his smug face already), in fact, clement seemed quite sweet.

there was a knock on the kitchen wall just then, both parties turning to face the newcomer. she was quiet, dressed in a matching sweatsuit and cubic earrings.

"room for one more? i can pay you." her voice was soft. "it saves me making a skip the dishes order. i've missed eating with people."

y/n smiled waving her forward. "come join us! i was just about to put a movie on."

while clement finished up cooking, the girl introduced herself as olivia and the group of three settled on the couches around the tv. olivia seemed sweet, as did clement, and it struck yn that these were people she never would have gone out of her way to try and meet if she had just run into them in the halls.

"woah, who's the dude with the mullet? i know he;'s like, a bad person and all but i'd let him ruin my life." olivia remarked, watching rob lowe's character on screen

"yeah, you'd be hard pressed to find a character in this movie who gave something ten seconds of thought before they acted. it's part of why i like it so much. every character is messy because real life is messy, and sometimes people we know just suck."

clement raised his eyebrows. “I’m still not quite sure what this movie is actually about.”

“it’s a coming of age movie in a different sense. it’s about the transition from university to adulthood.” she explained, twirling the spaghetti on her fork. “and it’s about having sex with judd nelson.”

"yeah, but his character is a bit of a dick as well."

"that's the point." olivia and yn said in unison.

"alright, forget i said anything." clement laughed, turning back to the screen. "when does rob lowe get a saxophone?"

the movie was about halfway through, dirty plates stacked on the coffee table when someone else entered the room. the newcomer came in a cloud of vape smoke, smelling vaguely like passionfruit.

there's our john bender, she thought to herself. we definitely can't vape in here.

on screen, andrew mccarthy and ally sheedy were making out passionately, ready to tear each other's clothes off.

"no shit, did someone find professor alonso's vintage porn collection."

"woah dude, don't talk about the brat pack like that." yn fired back, flipping the newcomer the bird. "either stay quiet and join us or take your vape smoke somewhere else."

clement laughed into his fist, trying lamely to disguise it as a cough.

the newcomer chuckled, sinking down next to clement on the ratty couch. "so what are you guys watching then?"

"we can explain later. its at a good part!" olivia shushed him.

after the film finished, as the end credits rolled with the john parr song of the same name playing in the background, clement rose to his feet and gave the movie a shocking standing ovation.

"truth be told guys, i lost the plot halfway through." he admitted. "but i had a lot of fun watching it."

"i liked it." olivia hummed, nodding her head.

"so let me get this straight," the other boy stood to stand next to clement, pausing the dvd. "kirby is basically a stalker, billy is a deadbeat, alec is just a dick and jules should probably go to therapy?"

"yes." yn answered with a straight face. "not the most charming bunch, are they?"

he shook his head. "damn. we should watch a giant shark movie next."

"yeah, mate. deep blue sea or jaws?" clement laughed, clapping him on the back. "i'm clement, by the way."

"landon. and the answer is totally deep blue sea."

yep. definitely john bender.

"alright then," yn laughed. "olivia, what would you have picked?"

"insidious."

that was so not the answer she was expecting, but it gave her an idea.

"hey, if it's just the four of us in the building, we should get together every night, one person cooks and one person picks a movie." she suggested, reaching for her phone. "everybody, give me your numbers. we can set up a group chat."

"that's actually a really good idea." clement encouraged, beginning to clear the table. "i call dibs on fast five for my night."

with all the numbers in her phone, she sent out a smiley face to officially start the group chat.

"why are we called the breakfast club?" landon asked, staring down at his phone with a confused grimace.

"because we all match characters in the breakfast club. i'm allison, clement is andrew, olivia is obviously claire and you're bender." she said matter-of-factly.

"then who's brian? there were five in the movie, and there's only four of us." olivia added

"i think we've all got a little bit of brian in us."

they spent the rest of the evening in front of the fireplace (which they were all surprised was still functional with most of the building being gone) playing a game of uno with a deck of cards that clement was sure had more pick-up-fours than a standard deck did. reruns of the big bang theory played on the tv behind them while landon and clem battled with each other to see who could pick up more of the deck before the game was over.

it was 10:30 when y/n called it quits, although she really didn't want to. she had work to get finished in the morning, and needed to decide what recipe she was going to cook the following night. she was having fun with her new friends, and she wanted to make the most of it while she could.

"that's me done for the night. i have to go grocery shopping in the morning. olivia, you have dibs on the movie. nothing that's going to give me nightmares, though."

clement grinned from across the table. "don't worry, yn. i'll protect you."

"oh, shut up." she laughed, trying to hide the nervous blush on her face as she playfully kicked at his leg

"come off it, let me walk you back to your room."

she relented, walking side by side with clement. it was awkward, and mostly silent as they walked the carpeted hall. they made idle small talk, mostly about the events that had transpired that evening. she wondered as they were walking if clement would even remember this night after class was back in session.

"well, this is me." she said idly, pointing at a door with a fall wreath on it. "my roommate went home for the holidays so its just me here." she held the key fob in her hands, trying to come up with a way to make this moment last longer.

to prolong the feeling of calm she felt when speaking to clement novalak, the elation she felt when he looked at her like that.

"well," he sighed, hands in the front pockets of his jeans as he rocked on the balls of his feet. "i'll let you get on with your evening."

"thanks. i have to head out early tomorrow to get the ingredients i need for the meal, my fridge is pretty bare. you're welcome to tag along if you want."

clement beamed at her, and she felt her stomach flutter slightly. he was smiling at her, and she never wanted him to stop.

"yeah, why not. meet in the parking lot for eight?"

"sounds good."

the next morning, clement showed up at her door at promptly seven thirty with two tinfoil wrapped bagels in his hand. he took control of the aux cord in her car, blasting an odd mixture of throwbacks and house remixes of classic rock songs. she liked the way he made her feel, hanging on to every word and letting her ramble about anything and everything. he was a good storyteller, and she found herself filled with a sense of longing as he talked about his travels and his friend group.

she wished she could be a part of it.

they were still singing along to poison when they pulled back into the residency, and y/n found that her heart felt heavy at the idea of her time with clement being over.

she was falling far too deep, especially considering that their social circles shouldn't mix.

"do you want help cooking later?" clem offered, helping her grab the bags from the trunk. "if i'm being quite frank, i enjoy spending time with you."

her cheeks heated up as she buzzed the pair into the building. "yeah, okay. there's a bit we have to do now, and i'll need some latex gloves?"

clement raised an eyebrow.

"do you want to touch raw chicken with your bare hands?"

"fair enough."

she'd never had as much fun in the kitchen as she did that afternoon. they had the radio on, singing out of key and taking twenty minutes to do a ten minute task. clement danced around the small kitchen like an idiot, singing into a wooden spoon.

after the chicken was marinating in the fridge, their phones buzzed simultaneously on the counter.

"its olivia with the movie options for later. she's giving us a choice between the crow and slender man. i'm voting for the crow. as long as it’s the original from 1994.”

clement laughed. today he was wearing a turtleneck and jeans, and why did that make her knees go weak?

"yeah, i think i am too. i don't fuck with slender man."

later that evening, as the group congregated around the large flat screen to watch their movie, yn couldn’t help but notice that clement chose to sit next to her on the large couch. their thighs were basically touching. olivia looked in their direction, a knowing look on her face as she raised an eyebrow.

her phone buzzed in her lap.

olivia: hes so into you!!!

yn; like hell he is. he barely knows me

olivia; trust me, I know that look. get that dick girl, you deserve it!

“what happens after this week?” she asked quietly, shutting her phone as she looked around at the group.

landon still had his vape pen in hand. olivia sat on the floor, back up against the couch. her plate was a cross her lap, strewn with remnants of shawarma sauce and rice. and clement, pretty perfect clement was sitting next to her without a care in the world.

outside of this week, they were not her people, and she found herself dreading returning to a world where she had to pretend she hadn’t made a fuck ton of good memories with them.

landon shrugged, taking another drag of his vape. “I’m assuming we just all go back to normal.”

“but why?” olivia asked. “why should we? I’ve had a good time with you guys, and I’d feel odd just ignoring you if we passed in the halls.”

“I’d hang out with you guys.” yn said softly. “surprisingly enough, I like you guys.”

sure, she wouldn't consider going to one of landon's frat parties, or joining olivia at a pep rally, but more nights like this were right up her alley. good food, good movies and good friendship.

"i think, after all the time we've spent getting to know each other," clement started "that it would be a pretty shitty thing to do to abandon and ignore each other once reading week is over."

they were silent for the rest of the film, an uneasy feeling falling over them. y/n refused to make eye contact, scared of being burned. out of the corner of her eye, however, she noticed that clement was no longer watching the screen.

he was watching her, with a look approaching wistful in his eyes.

soon enough, the end of the week came, and olivia and yn felt like they needed to mark the week with something more monumental than dinner and a movie. olivia's roommate had a karaoke machine, and clement had a liquor store points card. with those two facts in hand, a plan started to emerge to throw a party celebrating their last week.

"let's make a pact tonight." clement said, raising his coffee mug at breakfast. "to treasure the week we spent together, and to solmenly swear not to ignore each other in the halls. we're friends now, whether we like it or not."

“man!” landon says “don’t get all sappy on me. let’s just enjoy this last day. as pitbull once said: life is not a waste of time. and time is not a waste of life. so let's stop wasting time, get wasted, and have the time of our lives.”

“damn straight!” olivia added, clinking her mug against his. “let’s make it the best party that this empty dorm has ever seen.”

yn laughed, pulling olivia in for a side hug. “yeah. we take it day by day. let’s not think about tomorrow and focus on having a good tonight.” this is the best idea I’ve ever been a part of, yn thought later that night, curled up next to olivia in a pile of blankets, smirnoff ices in their hands as the pair watched clement absolutley butcher the hannah montana theme song at karaoke.

It had been a good week, and while she was still sad she couldn’t make the trek home, she loved her new friends and she would always treasure the memories that she had made with them.

“my turn, my turn!!” olivia insisted, making grabby hands towards the wireless microphone. “come to mama, there’s an abba song with my name written all over it!”

yn laughed, watching Olivia saunter over to the karaoke set. no sooner than she had gotten up did clement slide onto the sofa to take her place,

“so, how was I?” he asked, slightly buzzed and sporting that goofy and contagious smile. when clement novalak was in a good mood, it was hard for anyone around him not to be.

she raised an eyebrow. “miley might say you ruined her tour.”

“oh come off it.” clem laughed, playfully launching a pillow in her direction. “you did this, you know.” he nodded in the direction of where landon was trying to hijack olivias performance of dancing queen. “earlier you said that if this was the breakfast club, you’d be allison, but i don’t think that’s entirely true. I think you’re brian, because he’s the one who brought everybody together in the end.”

her heart softened, something fizzing in her chest that was either heartburn or flattery. “you watched the breakfast club for me?”

“duh,” clement laughed “I had to know if you were insulting me hen you said I was andrew.”

she smiled, curling closer to him on the couch, bravely reaching to touch his forearm. “so if you’re andrew and I’m allison, it’s only right that I kiss you right now.��

oh god, that’s the cringiest thing I’ve ever said.

she didn't have time to dwell on her choice of words before clement cupped the back of her neck and pulled her face towards his, pressing his lips against hers.

the kiss took her breath away.

her hands slid up the back of his neck to tangle in his hair, the off key singing fading into the distance.

she pulled away, fully able to hear the heartbeat in her chest.

"holy shit."

clement laughed, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "holy shit indeed."

"shall we take this somewhere a little more private?" she asked tentatively. "i'd love to keep kissing you, but i dont want an audience."

clem beamed, lacing his fingers with hers. "should we go to your room or mine?"

she laughed, a smile splitting her face.

she never wanted this weekend to end, but if it had to, taking clement novalak to bed was exactly the ending she was hoping for.

[lucabyte]

any thoughts about postcanon loop and mira relationship? i dont think i saw much about it in text posts but it looks like you might have something. bats eyelashes

okay i have rambled about this in a few places in mostly privately and in the tags of my own posts and self-reblogs but. grabs your shoulders. can you fucking imagine how funny loop would be as mira's beard. hear me out.

like. i'm already here for isiloops. im also already here for miraloop and mirasif qpr. im also here for miraisa qpr. im also not a coward who thinks odile should be excluded from this but thats besides the point. what im saying is that the whole things a fucking polycule and there's yet still ways this could be made way, way funnier.

So. It's obvious that Loop's theatrics are more than a bit of a facade. (They drop them when taken off-guard or in serious moments with Siffrin, and Isabeau remarks on them seeming 'shy' at the end)

But we also know that they aren't *that* much of a facade due to their speech patterns being directly reflected in act 4-5 sif's inner monologue. It's clear that Loop's regular goofy bullshit is just the manic end of Sif's emotional state unfiltered and externalised, presumably because they went fucking insane.

So while I imagine they'd probably be slightly more toned down with the party in postcanon, I don't imagine the bonus confidence that comes with Constantly Performing like that would just like... go away? Plus, new identity means you've got no expectations to be held against so... I think it would make sense for them to keep up the theatrics, the bitchiness, the change in humour from dumb puns to sharp and cruel wit.

So the idea of them proposing to Mirabelle that they could just, *pretend* to be dating isn't out of scope, to me. In a situation where she's perhaps fretting about keeping up appearences as an ever-changing housemaiden, or has heard through the grape vine that someone is going to try and make a move on her at a formal gathering, I think Loop offering to theatrically play up being her partner 'as a joke', so that they can offer her support and comfort while still under that arm's-length plausible deniability, sidestepping the emotional vulnerability of 'feelings buddies'.

(Remember, after all, that Act 6 Mirabelle's 'no spoilers' policy means she only got Act 5 Sif's fucked up little talk? There's genuine question as to how long it could take her to unpack things again after that. She probably still feels that social pressure even in a scenario where she has something again to the regular friendquest talk again, anyway...)

It lets them be 'in on a joke' together, and also gives Loop an excuse to hold hands with their friends that doesn't require they be honest about things. ("Well there's the thing, Housemaiden! I've no mouth to kiss, so we don't even have to do gross things like that to keep up appearences!") And thus gives Loop a niche in the party to slot into that otherwise probably wouldn't be filled by anyone.

And would anybody question it? The chosen saviour of the country has a weird little ethereal freak on their arm. That sounds about right for a magical saviour, and means there's really no need for any explanation for why they seemingly only showed up after The King's defeat. They're clearly Mirabelle's spirit guide, or something.

. anyway as with all things loop feel free to place this after everyone knows who they are for this to become a "relatively normal thing that can happen",

or you can place it before everyone knows who they are for the added twist-of-the-knife that is "guilt over keeping secrets" and "a really awkward and potentially upsetting recontextualisation later on"

also in case you havent seen . images related -> (x) (x)

[hoofusdoofus]

Posting this to tumblr, as well. Breaking my silence here because I am being accused of something fucking heinous. My ex is now claiming I "groomed" them when they were 16 and I was 18. This is mathematically impossible. We are 7 months apart in age. They were born April 2000, I was born August 1999. More evidence debunking this claim is presented below the readmore. Evidence includes unedited screencaps from our chatlogs over the years, my literal drivers license, and screenshots directly from their twitter.

They have also made claim that I manipulated them when we broke up. This is also untrue. As far as I was aware, the breakup was entirely amicable. As proof, here is our conversation on telegram, dated July 3rd, 2020. The last time I even interacted with them was on this date.

If you still have doubts at this, I am more than willing to submit photos of my driver's license with my date of birth as additional hard evidence. anything that happened between us was between two consenting people of similar age, again unless they lied to me about their age. In fact, just to help illustrate my point: Consent was and is important to me and always has been. Here is a conversation from 2018 (while we were still dating) in which I explicitly mention I would not do anything to them/with them without consent.

I am deeply, deeply hurt that our previous relationship is being twisted and taken advantage of like this. I cared a great deal about them and have wished nothing but the best for them. Please do not engage with them or harrass them. I am merely setting the record straight. EDITED AS OF 10:47 PM, 04/10/2024 I'm editing to add additional context and information, pulled riectly from my own twitter thread on the matter. Just one final bit of proof. since I was asked for it. Here is my license, with anything particularly vulnerable scrubbed for my own personal safety. I was born August 9th, 1999.

Just to again, provide absolute mathematical proof that their claim is straight up wrong: Based on the ages listed in their bio for the last several years and our own conversations, they were born in april of 2000. Making them 24 as of 3 days ago. I am 24.

Their claim is that I groomed them when I was 18 and they were 16. Here it is, directly from their twitter. Our birthdays are literally only 7 months and 30 days apart. There is literally no way for me to be 18 when they were 16.

Yes. This does mean I was underage when I joined the community, as I joined in august of 2016. It was something deeply wrong of me and I do apologize. Starting out my interactions with the community on a basis that I was older than I actually was was incredibly fucked of me It is one of my biggest regrets, but it is entirely self inflicted. I do not expect anybody to forgive me for that and if anybody wishes to no longer be in contact with me for that, I understand and do not blame you. I am bringing this all to light in order to clear my name against these accusations. I have done wrong shit in my past. I lied about myself for years and quietly adjusted when the guilt got to me. But I never once did anything to Nova with the intent to harm or groom them. I never manipulated or purposely mistreated them. I have records in the form of chatlogs to show that I tried to be there for them, doing all i could as a partner. I will not be sharing these unless necessary, as I do not wish to publicize their struggles with mental health. Ultimately, maybe this is a direct consequence of me lying when I was young. In a way I am reaping when I sowed. I dont know If I ever told Nova my true age, and perhaps this misunderstanding is the root. We were both minors when we started dating, in October of 2016. I do not blame nova for levying these accusations if that is the case. Nor do I wish any sort of ill will or harm on them. I've stated it before, and I will say it again: Please do not pursue them or harass or bother them. Leave them be. I simply wanted to set the record straight

[irrigos]

this is only tangentially related to fl, but ive been thinking a lot about the genre of historical fiction where nobody is prejudiced ever (or if they are, it's in ways that aren't real, like being prejudiced against rubberies but not people of color, or are no longer relevant, like people in fl still being anti-catholic but not antisemitic. as far as we know anyway)

it's... interesting. it definitely has its pros, and i see why people would want to craft that kind of world to play in, but i also think it's worth acknowledging the downsides, too. also this post is really long but i couldn't find a good place to stick a readmore. look at my posts, boy

like, i get that nobody wants to write Period Accurate Racism Simulator, both for personal moral reasons (ie "I don't want to write racist texts") and for commercial reasons ("No person of color is going to want to buy Period Accurate Racism Simulator") but also... so much of society is structured around prejudice that historical stuff almost falls apart without it

i was in two Regency-era larps, and both of them were "no prejudice" alt history, one of which had a whole alternate timeline explaining why Britain was a global superpower even though colonialism didn't happen, and the other one... well never quite got around to explaining the worldbuilding. but both were in agreement that Queen Elizabeth I ended sexism forever (and also homophobia and transphobia i guess??)

but like... so much about what is iconic about the regency era (especially in regency romances) is the negotiation with extremely strict social rules, which were, at their core, about controlling women. a woman can't be alone with a man because that's improper! i mean... what if they fuck each other???? But if it's equally valid for this woman to be in a relationship with another woman, then... it would also be improper for her to be alone with other women? okay so she can't ever be alone... but if polyamory is a possibility, then i guess she can't be in groups, either, because they still might all fuck each other!!! so nobody can... ever be around anybody? of course, if we dont view a woman's assumed reproductive capability as a commodity that must be protected and secured, then we don't need to police who she is alone with, but then we remove the stuff that's fun and interesting about Regency romances! At this point, we're just writing regular fiction, but everyone's dresses are really high waisted.

And I mean, if we imagine a Regency era Britain where colonialism flat out did not happen... how are any of these characters this wealthy? How are they still using the products that were made accessible to Britain because of colonialism, like fabrics from India? If there were no colonies, then Britain didn't colonize North America, then there was no Revolutionary War, which means France didn't go into debt FUNDUNG the Revolutionary War, which means it wasn't in the dire financial straits that lead to the French Revolution, which means that Napoleon would not rise to power because of his military service DURING the French Revolution, which means the Napoleonic Wars aren't going to happen, but obviously we're still having the Napoleonic Wars because how are you gonna do Regency Era without its tentpole features, like people achieving upward mobility through exceptional military service against the dreaded Napoleon. And don't even get me started on how the history of Corsica would fit into all this!!!

People made the decisions they made because of the world they lived in, and if you change fundamental aspects of the world they lived in, its absurd to have them make the same decisions.

And on top of that, it actually ends up being kind of limiting for what kinds of stories you can tell. i mean, if no prejudice exists, then you can't have anyone interacting with it, internalizing it, or overcoming it. To have a character that, for example, is concerned about homophobia would be as bizarre in this setting as someone worrying about societal backlash because... idk their favorite color is red instead of blue. Who cares! Do you care? Clap if you care.

I know that's the fantasy some people like engaging with, and that's perfectly fine, but... well, it's not what I like writing.

I think Fallen London splits the difference pretty well- society still exists on the Surface as it always has (more or less), so you can still write characters engaging with it, but having London be it's own little pocket of equality has its own problems. I mean, if London was moved underground and the Masters granted everyone equal rights under the law, then that means no minority has ever campaigned for an expansion of their own rights and succeeded. There was no real Women's Sufferage movement in London, because there was no need. But there were Suffragettes who did cool stuff!! Stuff that might be interesting to engage with, but you can't, because of the setting. You have to overlook the accomplishments of real marginalized people, because the very premise of your story depends on the new government just... deciding to be nice.

Is this a problem that needs fixing? Nah, I don't think so. I think it was good when FBG went to remove some of the #problematic bits of text that still hung around (like changing the description of the Fourth City Airag so it's less... shitty, for example) because that doesn't fit with the tone they're setting. But I think it's fun and interesting to look at the opportunity costs of these decisions!!! im just having fun lol

[spreadyourwingsc]

Sy and  Soirse. Prologue.

Disclaimer, this is the first story i’ve ever written and published., its not proof written, its not checked, nor researched, this was literally just words that came flying out of my mind. Captain Syverson’s character is not my own, he just lives 24/7 on my mind, Soirse, just came to me watching an Soirse Ronan’s interview, and again, I dont know her, I dont own her, this characters just shares her names, and maybe the hair, but she’s not the person i intend to portray here, i am also, not irish, nor know a lot about of irish culture, all this just came to me while watching these irish actors in a movie that have nothing to do with this, nor Sand Castle. 

Please do not copy it also, if you do youd be stealing, and what does that say about you if youre stealing fan fiction. 

If any of my content is similar to another person, it is not my intention, i havent read every fanfiction that there is in the world but i have read my share, and while ive had some influence on them, its not my intention to copy anybodys work, i admire y’all way too much for that, but the moment somebody points out that this is a copy of somebody elses work or that its similar, i will delete, because that is the last thing that I want. 

with that said please enjoy this little experiment, im going through some hard feelings right now, and i will probably delete it after i overthink a little too much. but i hope this bring a little joy to your day, also if somebody wants to help me better this or help me finish it, it would be greatly appreciate it. 

Prologue

Logan Syverson is from Alpine texas, born and raised to Betty and Joseph Syverson, only boy, had a fairly normal childhood, father was military man, honorary discharge when Sy was a teenager. Sy was star of football team at Smalltown Alpine High, was an all around boy, polite, strong, educated, his mom doted on him and made sure he was a true gentleman, he’d spend his summer working with his dad at his workshop, Sy wanted to follow his dad footsteps in the military once he graduated against his mothers wish. But she was not going to stop him and was proud of him nonetheless., 

His dad was his typical Texan rancher, doted on Sy’s mother, they were high school sweethearts, and like being in the military and missed Sy’s birth and was not home he decided one son would be enough and once he was discharged he was glad he could be there to help Sys mother, even though sometimes she felt he missed his war filled days. 

While Sy was growing up he had his fair share of ladies, and how could he not. He was a sight to look at, when preadolescent hormones started to kick in, and the models on the magazines were more interesting than the toy cars, there was no going back for him. Sy loved his ladies like the next man, of course, with the respect they all deserved, for that reason he never found himself in a steady relationship.

That is until Saoirse (Sorche) came in. 

With very strong Irish background both her grandparents on her father side, had migrated to the states while not even being married, and started a new life, that’s how then Saoirse's dad  Conner Walsh was brought to this world, grew up in another small town in the US , adopting the American life and ways, and eventually meeting Saorise’s mother in New York, a city girl by all means, who got swept away by this irish-american redneck.

When they were about to have their 5th baby, Conner, decided he’s had enough of the busy city life and decided moving his big family of 7 to country side, considering a small town upbringings, not wanting his kids to get lost in the hustle of the city, at least until they would be old enough to decide if they rather it, or not.

Soirse Walsh was born on a hot summer day at Marfa, texas local hospital, a screaming scrappy baby with blonde reddish hair and the brown eyes, she was soon to be a storm to be reckoned with. Being the youngest of 5 children, and the only girl of a boys clan. While she was growing up, her mother was happy to finally have a female company around the house, her dad was ecstatic to have a little princess to spoil and dote alongside his wife. But the brothers were having none of that, while they loved and swore to protect her dearly, the teasing and bullying was always present, not to create trauma, but to create character. 

So when she’s stepped on Smalltown Alpine smalltown high, the school of the town over since her town was small it didn’t even have a highschool, her brothers long gone graduated all gone too soon to face their own choices in lives, one became a parent too early, but honored his father roots and became a family man, the other preferred to move to the hustle city , and other straight up joined military forces, while all different they all had in common that they all succeeded in whatever their craft were, making their parents proud and making her lovely mother hang up pictures in her wall of every accomplishment, everyone in Marfa, knew about the Walsh’s boys and how great they were at life. Which left out little Saoirse with a bar really high to climb. 

At 13 started in the new school, Saoirse still didn’t know what she wanted out of life,  she knew she liked swimming, and even considered the Olympics from time to time, doing well in her competitions, but she also was on the rougher side, she loved to hang around in the fields, and had a big interesting In bugs, and all the things not considered “girly”. When she was the only one kid left at the house her father made sure she knew how to take care of herself and even though they were six of them, never be dependent of a man, so she learned how to change a tire, how to ride a motorbike, and how to change the oil of her car. Her biggest proud moment was how she learned how to drive shift. All thanks to her dad and the brothers.

--

Thanks for reading!

[oraclekleo]

I'm 23 and a Virgin too. I always get shit from my friends for it, which is just stupid. Like, why do you care? I only want sex after marriage, its a personal choice (no, i'm not religious) can i maybe ask, why you choice to be a virgin?

(is it weird that i read smut? I don't find it sexuall, i mean i dont get horny from it)

Hello!

Well... First - Friends who give you a hard time over your free choice on anything aren't really good friends to begin with. They should respect you the way you are and your life choices. They don't have to do the same in life or even like your life choices but they should respect them.

I didn't choose this life as such. It's more like I was never fit for love and affection and intimacy in the first place. I don't crave these and I don't need them to be happy in life. I never did. I don't even hug my family members. I feel uncomfortable doing so. I just don't like the physical contact with other humans and internally I don't really crave to be loved by others. It's difficult to explain to other people and they often feel like I have to have a sad life but it's not like that. I'm actually a very positive person and I'm pretty happy most of the time, unlike my friends who do crave love and are constantly on an emotional rollercoaster over it 😂 I'm like stable and happy here.

I do admit that it might be linked to my massive trust issues. I don't trust people in general. I just don't. It's nothing personal against them, I just don't trust anybody. And when I don't trust them, I simply don't feel safe to touch them or be touched by them. It's a part of it but I remember that as a child I didn't like hugging either and back then the trust issues wasn't developed yet, so clearly I was just born this way and the trust issues only like solidified the whole thing.

I don't want to say that I will never crave physical contact or even intimacy with another person as I don't know the future and one should keep an open mind but... I didn't feel comfortable hugging my mom, a woman who literally gave me life and I was physically a part of her for 9 months so... you know, the chances aren't exactly in favour of any person who would want to get physical with me. 😁

There's nothing wrong about reading smut even if you did get horny because of it. I read smut and erotica, too. I listen to audio erotica and JOI audios. And I do get horny but I still don't want anybody to touch me or to have a romantic relationship with someone 😂 You can engage in any form of sexual expression you feel comfortable with (as long as it's not a criminal one) and no need to worry about anything. Or feel shame or guilt or whatever. Your life is yours. And if it makes you happy and at the same causes like zero harm to others, why should you doubt or even avoid it? 😊

I should really give a little shout out to my favourite audio erotica VAs one day. They really gave me so many minutes of fun already, I should promote them a little bit 😂

Anyway! Be yourself! Don't let your friends to disrespect your life choices.

[kath-artic]

.

wellthat all went in exactly the direction i thought it would and i still couldnt quite tell you what happened. she accused him of cheating on her and it turned into a whole big blow up. she’s had that angry energy around her all day, i knew this was coming. it feels so sickening knowing a fight’s coming. i tried to keep it together but when i went to go get something to eat she cornered me in the kitchen and started asking me “why am i going to be made out to be the bad guy in all of this?” and i just collapsed and sat there for an hour. there’s no answer i can give to a question like that because shes already assuming i have an opinion or that my dad has turned me against her when i haven’t talked to him at all. what i WOULD say if i knew i could is that my opinion only extends as far as i know that when she gets mad at him, she takes it out on me. my dad has never done that. me and my dad have fought before and he’s said stupid shit to me and done really really irresponsible stuff, but he’s never laid a hand on me and he’s always apologized and always reassures me that he loves me and i KNOW i can bring up any problems i have with him and he’ll actually be receptive. he’s not always the best dad and sometimes he feels more like a friend than a parent, but i’m never afraid that he’s going to hurt me (he might GET someone hurt by doing something stupid, but thats another story). my mom has hit me, told me she hates me and that i’m embarrassing, told me she doesn’t care that i was assaulted because she had it worse, and then denies it all when i bring these things up to her or deflects by saying its my dad’s fault she was so angry in the first place. when emotions are high, i KNOW my dad is the safe option. thats why it seems like i’m always on his side. when it comes to this situation specifically, my opinion is that there’s a pretty simple and innocent explanation for everything that i’ve been made aware of today, but i can see how the evidence she’s drawn together could point to the conclusion she’s coming to it’s just not enough for me to say “oh yeah he’s cheating for sure. go team mom.” i dont know enough to “pick a side” or whatever it is she wants me to do. she kept cominginto my room and asking me for my opinion and i just kept trying to tell her i dont have one, but to her that means i’m on my dad’s side and that he’s been influencing me so she started dumping all this dirt on him to me--how is that not influencing me?? i want to tell her that i honestly have no opinion because i will never know the truth and any information i get from either party would be “influencing” my opinion while also being impossible to confirm. there is no truth for me at this point. i don’t want to know it.

its not that i dont see her side either. i do see it. ive entertained her reality where every emotional outburst is the result of being worn down mentally to the point of there being no other choice and then having those outbursts be used to make you seem like a crazyperson to the point that even your own daughter struggles to believe youre being abused after watching you get pushed to the ground. but then i remember that the time my dad pushed her, he did it to stop her from punching me and that she stumbled and fell because she was drunk. i remember every scheme she was convinced my grandparents (her in-laws) were plotting against her that turned out to be completely baseless. in times like this where she demands that i pick a side, i remember that she’s my mother and that our relationship is fundamentally unbalanced and that these are not issues i should be made to weigh in on. she’s my mom, not my friend. i shouldn’t have to be doing this devil’s advocate shit.

above all else, i remember that night i called the cops on her because it really shifted things for me. i ran through the woods barefoot and crying to meet with the cops and to beg them not to arrest anybody because my mom was threatening to call the police on my dad for pushing her. i tried so hard to be honest and impartial, i told them yes he pushed her, but he did it to protect me and yes she fell but i dont know if he pushed her to the ground or if she stumbled because they both are claiming different things, but i can’t have my dad go to jail for protecting me. i remember the cop looking at me and telling me that it sounded like i was the victim in all of this and it stopped me dead in my tracks because i forgot i was even involved in the whole thing. i forgot that the whole fight centered around me in the first place because i was so caught up in the fact that my mom and dad were the ones fighting. i’d spent so much of my life being made to think of these things as an issue of whose side i was on that i never realized i could be on my own side. i shouldnt have to protect them. thats their responsibility. there are a lot of things ive done for them that shouldve been their responsibility.

tldr i have no patience for this “truth” shit anymore when it comes to family matters. i’ll always love everyone in my family, but i’m not on anyone’s side unless i have a concrete reason to be. everyone’s a faulty narrator, but i will love and believe so far as i am able to. at the end of the day, these are the people that were supposed to take care of me and i owe it to myself to at least take on that responsibility if they wont

[toiletwipes]

trash mental health be damned my kid can ride a skateboard <- (me being the kid)

[attemptsonherlifepdf]

bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act.  whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between  ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

[chocominnie]

Can you trust me? | knj

⇢ pairing: namjoon x reader (idol! Namjoon)

⇢ genre: Angst because Namjoon may or may not be an asshole about important things but also fluff because of sweet-talking

⇢ word count: 3k

⇢ warnings: Arguements but honestly thats it because the rest if fluff lmao.

⇢ Copyright:  please do NOT repost, translate, or modify my works in any way, shape or form, on any platform. If found doing so , it is considered as plagiarism and appropriate LEGAL action will be taken

⇢ Summary: Namjoon keeps making excuses of not meeting up with you and given that you guys have been having fall outs recently, things are about to be put on the line. Will you guys break up? Or will you stay together? Can you trust him..

You have reached the voice mailbox of-

You shake your head lightly as tears feel the brim of your eyes. This is the third time today. You knew that in this relationship with Namjoon would mean that he wouldn’t always have time for you. But for him to not even give you a quick text or just even answer his phone is absurd. You’ve been talking about this meet-up for the past two weeks. Although he is mostly busy majority of the times, a dinner for one night surely wouldn’t affect his schedule right?

Especially with all the things going on between you and him. This date tonight would of approached everything that has been happening. The arguments you guys have are just nerve wracking. Especially when he argued with you for being clumsy because you had spilled fruit juice in his studio.. on the wooden floor. You just didn’t get how it would be a big deal as it was not carpet so an easy clean up. At the end of the day, you guys knew how to get on each others bad side and that’s not good at all.

So here you are now, dressed  in an elegant black dress with that Swarovski crystal bracelet he gave you for your 1 year annivesary. Atleast, that’s when he actually gave a fuck about the relationship. Actually, you can’t even count the amount of excuses he’s made within the past months to not spend time with you. The last time it was because he was washing clothes and didn’t have any to wear right now. In which you had called bullshit because he has more clothes than anybody could ever.

Needless to say, you had ignored his calls and texts for two days to give him a piece of your mind. Namjoon wasn’t the type to over-react on such things so it wasn’t a win situation for you. Instead he sent you some of your favorite chocolates and flowers as an apology as you weren’t speaking to him. Yes, you gave in because who wouldn’t over the dozen of roses and Switzerland made chocolate?

This time is something different though.

The waitress returns with a bottle of champagne with a bucket of ice in her hands, and while she sets it down, you quickly wipe the stray tears away and force a smile. You didn’t even notice they were there before.

‘‘ It seems as though my significant other..” You take the napkin from your lap and throw it on the table. “ Will not be joining me today. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.”

The poor waitress had been waiting for you to order your food for an hour now. You’d kept insisting to wait because Namjoon would’ve been there any minute. Turns out you were very wrong.

She smiles softly, popping the cork off the bottle and pouring a glass for you.  ‘‘Shall I give you the bill then?’‘

As if you would be the one paying for this, when he had broke his promise for you. Broken promises are a thing you hated and he knew that. Putting this on his tab wouldn’t bother him with your petty little antics. The boy is a millionaire, something like this doesn’t even make a dent. Somehow though, you wanted to pay him back for not even showing up.

‘‘Put it on Kim Namjoon’s tab. He’ll be the one paying for this.’‘ You mumble to the young girl. The girl nods her head and pulls out the tab and hands it to you.

You sign your signature on it, and place a good thousand dollar tip on it. The feeling of satisfaction soothes you. He’d surely be paying for his time away, and wasting this waitress’ time. You hand it back to her, waiting for her reaction to the amount. Sure enough she doubled back to you when she realized how much was on the tab.

“ Ma’m? You added two extra zer-”

“ My date wasted your time love. He’s deeply sorry for it. Do something good with the money yeah?” As if the sinister smirk to yourself wasn’t enough, you quickly get up from the table and thank her again before heading to the exit.

The taste of the sweet yet tangy wine soothes the emotions flowing through you right now. Kim Namjoon. A guy who cancels dates a lot. A guy who does not keep his promise.

The only place you knew he would be at rather than his apartment would be at the BigHit building in his studio. He’s always there rather it be snowing or sunny outside he’s just.. there. It always astonishes you how one can just lock himself in a room for hours. What is it about him and doing that? Last time you paid a visit here Namjoon was eating the dinner he ordered in the room, instead of coming over to your house as he promised.

You punch in the code to the brand new building and a charming sound lets you know you may enter. You smile at the two security guards who give a slight smile then back to the blank expression towards the outside world.

Your heels click against the cold tile making your way over to the receptionist. The air smells fresh, as if someone had just cleaned the room again. The receptionist politely stands up quickly and greets you with a smile and a slight bow of her head.

“ Miss Yn, how may I assist you today?” Her eyes are warm and bright, along with her small smile at you. You wish you could feel happy in this current situation right now.  

“Is Namjoon in his studio again.”

‘‘ Yes Ma’m should I tell him that you are coming in?’‘ She says, smoothing her skirt out before sitting back down about to grab the phone.

You immediately shake your head no. Since he doesn’t like showing up and canceling dates he doesn’t need to know anything at all.

You force a fake smile upon yourself to please her. ‘‘No. It’s a surprise since we have not had the time to see each other in a while.’‘ Oh yes, a surpise it will be.

She nods her head, ‘‘ Yes ma’m. Have a nice night with him.’‘

You say your goodbyes to each other and you go your separate way down the hallway of studios. Each door standing out in it’s own way makes you smile.

Mang Gae Deok Room

Hope world

Golden Closet

Genius Lab

And finally, Mon Studio.

You fluff your hair a little bit before turning the corner to the secluded area. But something takes you by surprise, it makes you tense up. Eyes watering and a little whimper chokes out of you. So this is what he’s been doing. This is what he’s been up to for the past weeks.

Its as if almost you feel your heart stop beating for a mere second. As if the blood in your veins went cold. As if what you’re seeing right now is only your imagination but in reality it is not.

There he is, sitting in his chair while a female takes it upon herself to casually take a seat on his desk, smiling and laughing and all. The pain in your heart makes it hard for you to keep looking. Sure, you guys argue, but ditching plans to do whatever it is with a girl is a low blow. That’s all you can take. That’s all you can manage to see right before he turns to look at you in complete and utter shock. There is no stopping the flow of the tears coming down your warm cheeks.

You look down at the boxed up food you had bought him and the bottle of wine that you had taken then back up at the door. Raising the box in the air, you throw it against the window making the food splatter everywhere leaving a mess. The two inside jump at your actions, but you ignore them and just walk away with utter disbelief.

Foot steps and yelling are heard behind you but you don’t stop. You continue walking, but then speeding up your pace passing the receptionist, who is confused yet concerned, and pass the two security guards with no expression.

Running to the open, vacant elevator you quickly wipe your tears and repeatedly abuse the close button to keep Namjoon from joining you. The image of him you get just before the door closes, is him running attempting to get the elevator door to open. You make sure to make eye contact with him just so he can see your pain.

You sniffle heavily while hanging your head low walking to your apartment. You could understand if it was one of the boys in the recording room. It doesn’t look like a great situation, but the girl did seem comfortable enough with him to sit on his desk. So that only leads you to think about how long has she been around him. The thoughts barricade your mind and before you know it you are face to face with someone standing directly on your doormat.

You dont bother to look up already knowing that body structure. Instead you try and shove past him to unlock your home, but there’s no use because next thing you know you’re being held by your upper arms standing in-front of him.

‘‘ Namjoon I don’t want to fucking talk about it.’’ You grumble, shoveling yourself out his arms quick enough to unlock your apartment enough for you to slide through and slam shut.

Knocks are loud on your door to cause some neighbors to wonder. Let them wonder they can scold him themselves for causing so much of a scene.

‘‘ Yn im coming in.’‘ He yells through the door.

You roll your eyes and stand a few feet from the door with your arms crossed on your chest. The door gives a charm letting him know the pin-code was correct. He shuffles in lightly through the door and closes it gently behind him. You stand there waiting for his explanation as you slowly walk towards him.

‘‘ Yn-’‘

Smack!

It felt good for your hand to connect with his cheek. How dare he disrespect the relationship of you two like this?

Namjoon holds his now sore, red cheek and gives you a serious look, ‘’ That was unnecessary. Let me fuckin expl-’’

Smack!.

Your nose flared in and out as you breathe heavily with your eyebrows furrowed in anger. ‘’ Another woman Kim Namjoon? You didn’t show up to our date because you were doing god knows what with another woman?”

Namjoon bites his lip hard as his eyes narrow, ‘’ Stop fucking smacking me. Let me got damn explain you brat!’’ He yells, pushing you to against the wall.

Your strength towards him was no match. You try to run away but he pins you back onto the wall. You were useless at this point.

‘‘ What’s your problem! Calm down!’‘ He semi-yells, grabbing your face to  make you look at him. You look at him, you look him dead straight in the eyes with anger all over you.

‘‘ Shut up. Shut the fuck up Namjoon. I planned the date to talk about everything happening but you don’t show up? Instead you were chatting it up with another girl.” You pause, ripping your arms away from him. “ That’s not a good look for you.”

Namjoon steps back, scoffing in disbelief. That only pisses you off even more, but you decide that it had been enough smacking him for the night. ‘‘ I wasn’t cheating if you think that. You and I both know I wouldn’t do that, right?”

You glare at him, ‘’I don’t know you fucking tell me.’’

That one single sentence sets him off. Trust is something you two really try to have with each-other but lately that’s been all over the place. Questioning his loyalty to him is like a stab in the back with a sharp, piercing knife. Namjoon puts his hands on his head in shock while walking towards the kitchen. You follow him because the last thing he was going to do to you, is ignore the entire fucking conversation.

The silence is rough. You sit yourself down on one of the island chairs as you watch him pour himself a glass of wine. The one you had bought from the restaurant. The way his jaw locks with a serious pout on his face lets you know, he has some choice words to say. That sharp tongue is just holding it in.

But did you over-react? Perhaps you did? Either way, it wasn’t a great scene to walk in on. Your man and another woman alone in his studio. You can’t help but to have reacted that way. Wouldn’t any other person would? It’s not that she was there, it was the way she was very comfortable around Namjoon to the point of doing what she did. She was also a person you had never met.

Namjoon puts the tip of the glass to his lips, making direct eye contact with you as he takes a long sip of wine. You roll your eyes at his dramatic action.

He clears his throat, ‘‘ Im still young. I have female friends and I have male friends. I would love to have time with them before you start barking up my ass.”

Barking up his ass?

‘‘ So you’re saying that all you were doing was having fun with her cause you’re still got damn young huh? Is that what i’m hearing Namjoon?’‘ That rage begins in your stomach again. Simmering in you like boiling water.

You continue, “ It’s like you just don’t care you left me at the fucking restaurant looking stupid right?”

‘‘ No I wasn’t having fun with her. You ran out without letting me explain, instead you were all dramatic throwing fucking food at my windows.”  The sound of the glass clinking against the counter-top is sharp. You wince at the sound of it.

Maybe you did over-react. But in your defense, you still had no idea who the girl was.

“Yn, how childish can you be right now? Did you ever think that me, one of the members of a worldwide known boy-group will be busy? Hmm? Yes, I should of told you that I couldn’t make it beforehand. I honestly thought I would be able to join you, but I overlooked my schedule wrong. That is my fault. The girl came because she was scheduled to work on our collaboration tonight with me.”

Oh gosh. The guilt takes over your body all at once. This was the last thing you wanted to happen. You really outdid yourself now. During all your rage and tantrum about this situation, you had failed to realize that you had indeed signed up to live this type of relationship with him. Of course he’d be busy, he’s an idol. Not once did you take his feelings and thoughts into consideration this entire time.

“ I don’t know Yn, I don’t know if we can continue our relationship together. You and I seem to be clashing a lot now-a-days. You questioning my loyalty really hurt me. We should think about taking a break, or ending things.”

Tears well in your eyes but you just let them fall. Those words you never wanted to hear ever. Sure couples clash with each-other, but isn’t that what makes them stronger? It’d be One year and a half down the drain if things were to go south now. Namjoon is a sweet guy, but your recent over-reacting scenes is becoming too much for him.

There goes that silence again. You two just sit there, not saying a word. The tension is thick as wood. This isn’t right. This won’t be right. Th emotions in you are running high. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Things were only said in the heat of the moment. You were tired of him always canceling and didn’t even bother to let him explain. This could of been handled better.

“ I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve been wanting to spend time with you and you keep canceling on me Namjoon..”

He sighs, placing his now finished glass of wine in the sink. He runs his hands in his hair shaking his head again. “ I’m sorry for that. I should do a better job at telling you my schedule.”

It still hurts though. The way he said those words without hesitation. “ Do you.. still want us to take a break after this?”

“ I think that now that we understand each other a little more, we can work on being better together and not seperate.”

You’re happy to hear those words. Namjoon comes from behind the counter straight towards you where you were now standing beside the chair you were once sitting in. His arms snake around you and pull you into his chest, hugging you tightly. You sink into him, nuzzling your head into him with a small sigh.

“ I don’t like when we fight like this. You know I love you right? So much. So, so, much.” He whispers down to you. You nod your head in agreement. It’s something about being in his arms that soothe you.

You feel so complete with just the presence of him. He makes you happy, as you do him. Namjoon is understanding, caring, kind, and so much more to you. He was there for you on your worst days, and was there on your best days.

He plants a small kiss on your forehead, “ Let’s become better together yn. I want big plans for us in the future, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“ I want that for us too. I love you so much Namjoon. Even when things are bad for us, I care a lot about you.”

The butterflies in your stomach settle. Being in Namjoons arms is what home feels like to you. You’re secure and safe.

‘‘ Can you trust me next time? I promise from now on I will tell you in advance if I cannot participate instead of just leaving you wondering.‘

You nod your head, not caring about what he said but only caring about his embrace right now. The only thing you care about att he moment is him and his understanding.

‘‘ Can you trust me?’‘

[astaroth1357]

A Demon Has Claimed My Soul! (Among Other Things…)

Your Guide to Possessive Demons!

So you've made a pact with a demonic hellspawn, the powers of which are beyond your comprehension, and now you want to become an item? Fantastic! Love can still be found even in the most unholy of unions! However, there are some very important things that any human should know before giving themselves away to the forces of Hell and that is what we here at Mammoney, Inc. plan to provide! In our award-winning guide, A Demon Has Claimed My Soul! (Among Other Things…), you will receive a comprehensive overview of the possessive behaviors of your new lover as well as the Dos and Don'ts for keeping your relationship on track! Remember, your satisfaction is a definite possibility! 

(Mammoney, Inc. accepts no responsibility for injuries caused due to taking our advice. No refunds accepted, terms and conditions apply).

Lucifer

Lucifer, huh? Are you sure you really want to go through with that, human? He’s really no fun at parties, hell no fun in general! But if you’re into being told what to do all the time then he’s probably a dream come true so whatever floats your boat...

If you decide to start a relationship with Lucifer, the first thing to know is he plans to have you and keep you. Once you've gone down this road there’s no going back now, human.

Lucifer will show his possessiveness most often through stating it outright. He will be pretty blunt about claiming who you now belong to and isn't shy to tell that to others too. Get used to the reminders.

He’ll do those old school kind of moves like letting you wear his coat over your shoulders or keeping a hand on your waist. He doesn’t have to do all that much more because no one would be dumb enough to try anything after he’s staked his claim.

DO: Pretty much anything he says

DON’T: Defy him, ignore his requests, or piss off Diavolo.

Leviathan 

Levi? Really? You know he hasn’t left his room in centuries right? And you’d be playing second fiddle to an actual anime character? In our astute opinion, human, this ain’t a good choice.

Levi is the Avatar of Envy so he’s going to be pretty possessive at all times. If you’re going to choose with him then just know that he won’t be letting you go any time soon… Literally. He will cling to you like his life depends on it.

Levi’s primarily going to show his possessiveness of you through being hostile to others like a pissed off snake. 

Any time that you’re not alone together he’ll be on edge or glaring at everyone around you. If someone gets too chummy he might start hissing until they back off. He won’t actually do anything unless someone tries to make a move, but if they do get out of the way in case he summons Lotan.

DO: Stay close to him (especially in public), let him hold your hand or stay on his arm, keep conversations with other people short, and always tell him if you’re going out to meet someone.

DON’T: Basically wander off anywhere without telling him first, flirt with anybody else while he’s watching, scratch that, just don’t be overly nice to anybody while he’s watching. Not even the Chihuahua. 

Satan

Okay so yeah Satan is smart, but all those smiles are hella phony! He really ain’t as nice as he looks and… What we mean to say is, Satan will act nice to lure you in but you better watch out, human.

Satan can act pretty chill when he wants to so he might not come off as all that possessive for a while. But the second he sees someone acting a little too close with you he’ll snap and start shouting at them. Doesn’t matter who it is or why, he won’t be able to stop himself.

When he does show his possessiveness he is shameless, almost as bad as Asmo, because then he’s trying to make a point to someone or other. PDA for days, but he’ll be glancing at whoever he’s trying to piss off like an asshole…

Satan's the guy who'd leave a lot of marks on you like bruises and hickies to speak for him when he ain't around.

DO: Get used to PDA, invest in sweaters, borrow Asmo's concealer.

DON’T: Do anything that pisses him off. (For more on this, consider purchasing our other guide: How To Calm My Demon Boyfriend)

Asmodeus 

Oh come on, Asmo??? Human, be real for a moment! He’s never gonna be faithful to you at all, I mean we’re all demons so it’s not like we really care all that much but humans care doncha?? You could pick better is all I’m-er We’re saying!

Asmo is going to cling to you about as much as Levi but that’s because he wants attention, not because he’s jealous or anything. He really won’t get possessive of you until someone tries to tell him he can’t be around you for whatever reason. Then he’ll whine, complain, and make a scene until he gets his way.

Asmo will show he owns you by trying to make you into practically the same person. Not in personality, just in appearance.

He’ll start by buying a lot of matching or very… Asmo-looking clothes and jewelry for you to wear. He’ll look for any excuse to put you in his outfits or make sure you use the same perfumes so you smell like each other all the time. Demons have sensitive noses so that’s as good as marking you for his.

DO: Wear the clothes and don’t complain, tell him what sort of style you’d prefer so he can pick more of what you want, try not to get annoyed by his diva act

DONT: Wear somethin' else without telling him, have sex with anyone else without permission first (who knows, ya may get it with him), ignore him. Ever.

Beelzebub 

…. Just a friendly reminder that he could eat you.

Beel isn’t going to come off as possessive of ya until he starts getting lonely. He’s pretty busy with practices and taking care of his appetite, but if he starts feelin’ like you haven’t been paying enough attention to him, he’s gonna get needy and want ya around more. 

He can be pretty childish about it, really. If someone comes over and asks if you want to go do something he’ll just pick ya up and tell them no. He’ll put ya down if you make a fuss about it but he’ll get grouchy so you’ll have to make it up to’em later.

If he’s feeling lonely, he’ll invite you out for food a lot more and try to keep you away from his brothers. He won’t even like you talking to Belphie. It’ll pass after a couple days, so just sit tight and things will go back to normal soon enough.

DO: Feed him. Constantly.

DON'T: Stop feeding him. Ever. Or look too delicious.

Belphegor 

Okay we all know what makes him a bad choice, so let’s not even go there! Honestly human, have some survival instinct, will ya??

Belphie will take the clingy route of always wanting to be around ya, but if he wants to go nap or somethin’ he'll just take ya with him. Doesn't matter whatcha doin'. If he wants ya there, he'll drag ya along too.

Belphie’s gonna be passive-aggressive about his possessiveness when others are involved, a lot of stare downs and lookin’ annoyed. He won’t tell’em to piss off like Beel would but there’d a general aura of “Go the Hell Away” around him so it’s gonna be around you too.  

If you two aren’t sharing a nap together then expect him to lean on ya a lot, probably with his head on your shoulder. Don’t stand still for too long ‘cause he will fall asleep like that and then you're stuck draggin’ his dead weight.

DO: Get used to being a pillow and not going anywhere for long periods of time.

DON’T: Keep him up too long, wake him up early, or toss and turn in bed.

Mammon

Obviously, the Great and Powerful Mammon is really the best choice, human. It's clear ya got a good head on your shoulders and that’s a good sign. But for the sake of being helpful, we will still give ya advice, for your sake and mi-… his.

The Great Mammon knows how lost and pathetic you’d be if he wasn’t around so he’ll take it on himself to be sure you’ve always got someone to help ya. Don’t go thinkin’ that he’s just lonely and lookin’ for a little comfort, ‘cause that Ain’t! It! And don’t go letting any of his brothers try pullin’ the same crap because he’s the only one who’s allowed to do that, ya hear??

The Great Mammon doesn’t need to act possessive because everyone will already know you’re his!... Okay, sometimes they need a refresher but there ain’t nothing wrong with that!

You'll never have to worry about his brothers botherin' you because he’ll always be there to scare'em off. He’s your first man so he better get priority and doncha go forgettin’ it! It's gotta be you and him against the world, got it?

DO: Show the Great Mammon appreciation for his time, "appreciation" can be cash, gimme cash.

DONT: Forget about the Great Mammon, ignore the Great Mammon, refuse to gimme cash.

[everythingsinred]

Hello! I’ve been reading your character-relationship analysis’ of Natsume and Natsume/Mikan’s, and was curious about your take on Hotaru’s relationship with Mikan (rereading GA has had me bawling, as well as now being in the LGBTQ+ community noticing the subtle/heavy implications of Hotaru’s sexuality and Higuchi’s consideration of Hotaru even being one of Mikan’s love interests) as well as Narumi’s character development from when he had met Yuka, leading to his relationship with his students throughout the story (in flashbacks he’s very cold to smol Subaru and Sakurano after Yuka’s departure, but the earliest memory after that would probably be him scouting Ruka, Aoi, and Natsume). By then, he appears to be similar to the Narumi we usually knew—cheerful, enthusiastic, but above all showing genuine concern over his students. In fact, I’d even argue he seemed a bit more genuine with the children at that time than compared to when Mikan first meets him. He just felt oddly less involved with the ESP and the ESP’s plans when he scouted the trio (upset and angry that Persona had resorted to such dirty means even under the principal’s orders to the point he even slapped him, whereas it’s hard to imagine him lashing against a direct order from the ESP by the time he met Mikan.

Comically though, a small comment on Koko’s character in the story would be cool, too. He’s often played as comic relief, but it’s reinforced time and time again that he knows knows practically everything. His character is interesting when you put into perspective he’d be aware of all of the sacrifices Natsume had been making as well as his abuse, the darkness within the elementary school, everything that Mikan and co. had to go through throughout the story and etc. A small part of me wishes the kids in Class B had bigger roles in the latter half of the story, though I’m satisfied with their relationship with/to Mikan at the end (after all, I still sobbed at her graduation scene and their ‘memories of Mikan’ classes).

thanks for the message! im glad you read my analysis!

for hotaru, im probably not the right person to ask about this b/c i dont have particularly strong feelings about hotaru/mikan as a relationship. i do see hotaru as being queer in some way but im not really that interested in her having a romantic relationship with mikan, and even their canon friendship (as opposed to in fanfic) leaves me a bit... idk the perfect word to put here but like?? lukewarm ig? i think thats sacrilegious or controversial to say but its just a feeling that disappoints me as well. i have cried hard for them and i like their general dynamic, but theres something lacking abt them that i cant rly put into words. i would like to have felt more strongly about them, if that makes sense. its not hatred or even dislike or apathy. just more mild feelings than i would like. their friendship has potential, imo, but i just never considered it to be fully realized. but in regards to a romantic ship, then as a staunch natsumikan shipper, its hard for me to enjoy imagining them with other people, personally. but you have a lot of cool thoughts of your own and thats great! <3

like im pretty sure anybody who ships other ppl with natsumikan will end up being disappointed in my mikan pov natsumikan analysis bc my biases will be made pretty clear in that regard lol ;) but thats bc i dont write about things i dont like or that im not as interested in

i think i mentioned in my essay that i find narumi confusing as a character. his motivations and actions are really weird and sometimes hard to pin down. really i think hes the most mysterious character in the whole manga and any attempt to analyze him would probably lead to more questions than answers. hes a paradox lol. i cant really give u a "take" bc my take is just... who knows with him lol?? hes an enigma

i dont think koko is always using his alice though. he seems to have a large amount of control over it and only uses it for pranks and jokes. otherwise his character seems malicious, implying that he would know things about luna/persona/esp without letting any of the other kids know. but i think theres some evidence in the manga that hes not always using it, like when other characters tell him to use it (mostly natsume re:mikan like when she first transfers into class b or after the labyrinth). koko likes teasing mikan about who she likes, for example, bc he likes pranking ppl, but he wouldnt out somebody for something serious or keep something dangerous to himself. he says a few times something about "accidentally reading" somebodys mind. so i think he has some control over it, and isnt always reading ppl's minds 24/7, if that makes sense. im sure he knows some important/sensitive info particularly abt natsume, but probably on accident. but there isnt much he can do as a powerless kid so he keeps it to himself bc its all he CAN do for natsume.

i really liked the graduation/memory classes as well but tbh the ending could have perfectly utilized the smaller roles in class b if it had been longer and gone on for one last arc. i mean imagine the quest to find hotaru! natsume not using his alice so as to keep his life span longer and mikan having very little alice left means that other characters can finally have a bit of focus, like ruka as well as other class b characters! i like to think about this idea a lot lol. idk in general class b deserves more attention and love

sorry if these answers are disappointing. i have opinions on all these things but i dont wanna prattle on too much. thank u for sending me this ask! <3 have a lovely day or night depending on ur time zone!

[kewltie]

thinking of bkdk in their late 40s when all their friends have already settled down with a family, izuku muses a lil forlornly how he would like to have someone to come home and katsuki just stares him dead in the eyes and says, "marry me then. i wont let you be lonely in that empty apartment."

the thing is bkdk are super successful heroes, they're the ranking no.1 and 2 and everyone knows their name but because izuku put so much effort into his career he never give himself the chance to meet someone and fall in love because the next things he know he's already 48 yrs old and still very single. as soon as he got right out of UA he had put himself right to work and hasn't truly stop since so izuku feels like he misses out on his youth, the flutter of first love, and now he feels like it's too late to grasp that chance again because he's too old to be stumbling around at love BUT here is katsuki suddenly telling izuku to marry him as though that would solve everything, solve izuku's worries and fears that he'll never experience love the way his friends had or knows what it feels to come home to a waiting arms that will comfort him after a hard day at work.

izuku first tries to laugh it off because katsuki cant be serious right?? but katsuki doesn't crack a single smile. "Do i look like im the type to joke about this kind shit to you?" he asks, voice steady and true. it is then that izuku realizes katsuki had meant every word he said.

but izuku still cant wrap his head around why would katsuki want to marry him of all things?? it is because they're both bachelor and wretchedly alone standing at the very top of their career where nobody can touch or hope to nobody can understand them like they do to each other?? izuku thinks that's a very dry reason to marry someone for the sake of convenience and not love at all because even though he'd devoted all his time to saving the world and helping ppl and HE'S OLD NOW but he still earnestly yearn to fall in love the ways all his friends had.

"If you needed company, we don't have to marry each other. I'm here for you always, you know that," izuku offers instead. "We're partners."

katsuki is silent briefly, then, he says, "You think i want to marry because you're convenience?"

Izuku blinks. "is that not it?"

"No," he says, all grave and serious, and for a moment izuku is breathless with realization.

"Oh," izuku replies, looking down at the table like it has all the answer in the world. "how long?"

"Since our third year at UA."

izuku jerks his head up, eyes wide with shock.

"what—I, wait, you can't mean that right?" he shakes his head as he flounders for the right words. they're both almost hitting their 50s now, so if it started in their third year then it would be 30 years of katsuki waiting for him, of pining over izuku and all that time was lost because of it.

katsuki press his lips into a thin line. "I have never lie to you."

"I—I'm not—" izuku flushes, because this wasn't anything he had plan for. who would anyway? no one would ever believe that katsuki has been in love with him for almost 30 years and izuku only found out about it now. even though katsuki has revealed the secret he has been hiding for 3 decades, izuku has no answer for him. he didn't notice katsuki's feelings for this long not because he chose to willfully ignore it but because he has never thought of katsuki in that light and that is the sad truth of it all. katsuki must have realizes that too because he doesn't press for more from izuku.

"i'm sorry," izuku says, mind racing to come up with a proper reply to katsuki's feelings because he deserves that much. "it's not you—"

Katsuki scowls. "shut the fuck up, don't even start that with me."

izuku quickly shuts his mouth, floundering for another reply that with save both of their feelings.

"Six months," katsuki says instead, eyes firm and never once dull since izuku has known him. "give me six months to convince you and if it doesn't work out we can get divorce then."

"you still want to marry me?!" izuku asks in disbelief. "shouldn't we like date first at least? isn't that how normal relationship work?!"

katsuki roll his eyes. "we co-own an agency, you have your toothbrush at my house, and we spent 18hrs out of 24 together almost everyday. our friends joke about us being a married to each other as much as to our work, we're each other's first emergency contact if something were to happen," he continues, straightforward like he's listing their grocery for today, "and i cant ever imagine wanting anyone more than i ever want you."

throughout this strange turn in their conversation, izuku realizes not once has he ever heard katsuki said he loves him but the way katsuki had revealed his unwavering devotion that lasts 3 decades and the dry, bluntness in which he spoken of wanting izuku, it's heavy. this hefty thing that katsuki has carried with him for nearly 3 decades, and in those years what izuku thought katsuki was just disinterest in any romantic connection because not once had izuku seen him look at another person, but it's because he has eyes only for izuku and nobody else.

izuku should have known never to expect anything less then 120% with katsuki because if there's anything that means something to katsuki, he would give it all and then some. it's humbling really, to be loved so fiercely and with such devotion that 3 decades is worth every second of it but izuku doesn't know if he's worth it especially when he's hesitant about his own murky feelings. he loves katsuki undoubtedly. they're partners in more way then one, but he doesn't know if he can love katsuki the way he deserves to be love in return, to return that same level of intensity.

"and what if the six months went by and there's nothing show for it?" izuku mumbles, hands clasp together under the table. i dont want to ruin this friendship of ours, he doesn't say. "what if you get bored with me and realized this isn't something you want now. what happen then?"

"you're stuck with me for life even if we get a divorce. i won't let you ever get rid of me either way," katsuki says, lips twitching with the slightest hint of amusement. "and if you're worry about me getting bored of you, don't. i fucking wont." It’s firm, assured, and completely sincere.

izuku thinks anybody with a half a brain at all would see this admirable man right in front of them with his unwavering affection and devotion that he had nurtured for 3 decades would be half way in love already, but izuku neither race or skip a beat; it remains dull and unmoved. maybe he's really too old to love like this. maybe, it's not that he's too busy to ever search for it like everyone else but because he has all the love for everyone but none ever hold a special place in his heart. for all of katsuki's sharp edges, his feelings burn ever so brightly while izuku has since been numb to his own emotions. to give too much to the world, to his job that he has never let himself fall freely and unconditionally. it's terrifying.

"what if i hurt you instead?" he says, quiet and severe. "what if in the end i couldn't return what you've given me?"

katsuki doesn't answer right away. the air around them tenses, threatening to suffocate them in the waiting silence. then a hand grab his and draws it toward katsuki's chest. "don't fucking underestimate me, idiot. i can and will make you fall in love with me in 6 months. 6 months is more than enough to make you realize what a fucking dumbass you have been the entire time for not taking notice of me while i have been looking at you for almost half of our life," he says with the cocky assurance that propelled him to the no. 2 position and beyond.

for the first time since this exchange had started and taken a strange, strange turn that left him his world shaken to its core, izuku's heart feels lighten. He stifles a giggle. "i still think we should date at least. marriage is maybe jumping the gun a little too soon."

"No." Katsuki's eyes narrow, and he squeezes izuku's hand firmly. "i'm not giving you any chance to escape from this. we can do all the dumb dating things you could ever want but we're getting marry first."

izuku tries to draw his hand back but katsuki remains undeterred. "Kacchan, please," he says. half begging for his hand back and half pleading against his insane idea. who in their right mind would ever marry first then date each other?! That's just not how it work! yet, katsuki is an unmovable fortress against increasing izuku's distress.

"deku," he says, thumb running across izuku's knuckles in a soothing circle, "give me this chance. let me prove it to you that i can do it. take this leap of faith with me and i won't disappoint you. trust me with your heart like you trust me with your life and i promise i will keep it safe."

izuku draws out a long, lingering breath that leaves his head heady with a dawning realization. "o-okay," he finally acquiesces, shaken with the knowledge that his heart suddenly doesn't feel safe at all for the first time in a long time in the hands of the man in front of him. bakugou katsuki is dangerous, but to the tender beat of his heart.

Katsuki's lips stretch upward into a small, precious smile that rarely see the light of day, leaving izuku breathless just for a moment. "we'll go get the marriage license tomorrow."

"tomorrow?!" izuku shrieks.

maybe he has been wrong all along, maybe you're never too old fall in love and experience it for the first time and that sometimes the things that matter the most to you are always worth the wait even if take 3 decades and katsuki always been more patient then people give him credits for.

[namiikawaii]

Luffy x Nami: A thread Part 1

Disclaimer: This is very long so be prepared to take some time & also if you haven't watched/read One Piece at all then don't read this if you don't want to read spoilers. Firstly I'd like to adress all the people who dont believe in a love romance in One Piece aswell as those who are against this ship or do ship Luffy and Nami with different characters: Please read the thread thoughoutly and don't jump to conclusions before you read everything. I will try to mention all of the issues that are underlying in regards to general things like love romance in One Piece and I want to consider counter arguments and create hypotheses in sight of other pairings like Luffy x Boa and Sanji x Nami (which I think are the other main ships when it comes to Luffy and Nami).   So it is important to be a little patient through all of this thread.

Let's start off with the question about love romance in One Piece... ''D: Doesn't anyone on Luffy's crew fall in love? Will there never be a tale of on-board romance? (Sanji is an exception in this case) I'm just wondering. -From Naoko- O: But they do... They're all in love...WITH ADVENTURE. (← good one)'' This is exactly the part of the SBS where Oda answered the question about romantic love in the Strawhat Crew. Firstly, this is obviously meant as a silly statement. It is definetly no confirmation but to see this as a serious statement is overexagerrating. Secondly, Oda wanted to answer this question by dodging it without nullifying it. What does that mean? He could have just simply said, there is no romance in One Piece and there never will be (this wouldn't be the first time that he would have answered a question in a direct and serious way). But no, he wanted to make sure that the audience understands that there is a difference between romantic love and romance (in an adventure) and that the Strawhats are on a journey of a romantic adventure which has nothing to do with loving each other in a romantic way. There are two reasons for that: -One Piece is a pure shonen/action Manga and it's target audience are teenage boys (at least this was the case when he made that statement, i don't know how that might have changed by now maybe) -For the other reason just imagine One Piece if there was active love romance going on...we wouldn't be near the story that we are now. Let's just say it would add so much more complications, to put it very simple (I don't want to go into that deep now). But now here comes the clue: All of this doesn't mean that Oda completely lefts love romance out. Because despite of all the points that I just mentioned there are pairings and there is also subtle (no explicite) love romance. Lets just look at the pairings, these are all pairings that I think the majorty of people wouldn't question: -Kaya and Usopp -Sabo and Koala -Shanks and Makino -Shakky and Rayleigh -Roger and Rouge -Oden and Toki

And yes none of these cases showed the love story between those people (maybe Kaya and Usopp if you really want) but THAT IS THE POINT! Only because Oda doesn't let the characters speak out ''i love you'' or makes them kiss all of the time doesn't mean there isn't any kind of romantic love connection between characters in One Piece (the kiss on WCI was an exeption though). This also doesn't mean that there is no possibilty of romance between the Strawhats. I get it that people see them as a familiy, and they truly are one. If there was romance between two of them during the story of One Piece the dynamic wouldn't be the same anymore, especially if there was a canon relationship between Luffy as the captain/ main protagonist and another crewmember. I mean we don't want to see Luffy prefering one nakama over the other. If he calls for his friends, he calls for everyone and not firstly for the person he's in love with. They are all equally as important as the others. But you have to remeber that they aren't blood-related and it wouldn't be weird at all if some of them are ending up together after the adventure of the One Piece. That's the reason why the hints that are given by Oda are really hints, not just merely coincidence.

And i wouldn't be here if Oda didn't hint Luffy and Nami in the past and he will hint them in the future or even more. Let's beginn chronologically with the bond-forming between Luffy and Nami and why their relationship is special EAST BLUE SAGA -Nami was intended as a crew-member from the very beginning, even before One Piece was existing. That's the reason why Luffy and Nami saw each other in the first episode of One Piece. It was to pay hommage to Silk/Ann the heroines of the Romance Dawn Manga. (Just read into it if you want to know more) But what's important is that they were the inspiration for Nami as a character/ as the heroine.

-Orange Town: Luffy and Nami meet for the first time in the Manga Nami reveals her goal to Luffy - which is ''to buy a certain village'' (keep this in mind) Luffy tells Nami why the strawhat is so dear to him - he won't be telling anyone afterwards these details again -Nami tricks Luffy. Buggy captures him but when Nami is forced to fire a canon ball at Luffy she refuses, starts a fight against all the Buggy-Pirates and finally at the risk of her own life she burns her hands facing the pirates with her back in order to prevent the canonball to blow up Luffy (she does quite much for this pirate guy she just met) - you see that at this point Luffy did touch something in Nami's heart because when they have to escape she literally instantly fires the canonball at Buggy without hesitation. -Nami sewing Luffy's damaged hat. Since then it's always her who takes care of it if it takes any damage/ if there is something to sew in it like Ace's Vivre Card. Now I want to put in here my first hypothetical compairison for the LuBoa and SaNa shippers. Just imaging now this same situation happening between Luffy and Boa. Luffys hat is ripped apart - maybe she knows that Luffys hat is his treasure maybe not but lets imagine she does know. She will of course sew it, would probably blush and say something romantic about her doing this for him. And as a shipper this would be the most romantic thing for you wouldn't it? In reality it is Nami who precisely watches Luffy and understands the importance of his hat to him, she goes up to him and fixes his strawhat, with the only difference that it is just more natural and less lovey-dovey from Nami's part (because of course she would never act like that if she was in love with someone). I am already asking you now, which lovestory sounds more believable? -Syrupp Village: There are a few cute moments (Nami catches Luffy and cheers on him and so on...) but i wanted to especially point out that these two are are sitting/lying on the ground after the fight and Nami playes with the Strawhat, Luffy is of course unbothered. But this already shows how comfortable these two are at this point, they know each other only for a few days now. And also this image of them two talking and sitting together is a theme that continues throughout One Piece. -Namis leaves with the Going Merry, looking devestated that she has to leave ''Luffy and the others'', and Luffys reaction after Zoro says to just leave her: ''I want her to by our navigator no matter what'' (These words are enough, no comment needed and also look at Zoro's face as Luffy is stating these words) -Kokoyashi Village: Luffy already trusts and knows Nami so well that he is enraged to hear that she allegedly killed Usopp - the others are sure that she did it but Luffy insists, and even when Nami confirmes to him that she indeed sent Usopp to the ocean's ground Luffy refuses to accept it and immediatly goes to sleep. (I'm sure it's because he knew that something was wrong but he knew he had to wait for Nami to come up to him)

-The famous moment hits different (for shippers and non-shippers): Luffy giving Nami his precious strawhat! He wants to show her how much she is dear to him, his gives her his treasure because now she's his treasure too (and you can see this in a romantic way or in a platonic way but just remember that Luffy never did this ever to anybody in the past or in the future) Now i want to mention something that i said earlier: people often say that Luffy didn't care about Namis story but let me tell you something different. Luffy already knew what Nami's obejectif was (to buy a certain village) now Luffy also knows that there is a pirate called Arlong and when Nami is stabbing herself she shouts his name in devastion. Luffy is not dumb, he understood already some parts of Nami's history - later when he is in Nami's room he understands the impact even more. It is so far from truth that Luffy doesn't know Namis story, he may not know some details, but he could conntect enough points to understand Nami's pain. And my personal theory is that he didn't wanted to hear Nojikto telling Nami's story because maybe Nami wouldn't have wanted him to hear it and it could certainly be that he knew that maybe he couldn't hold himself back and intervene before Nami asked him to do so and finally rely on him! -Genzo and Luffy's conversation: just read/watch it - it is a father to boyfriend conversation (i thought so even before i shipped LuNa) So far these are the most important moments for the East Blue Saga, and of course there are other things you could mention but i just wanted to point out the key moments that really built their relationship and created the whole fundament. Since I don't know when I can continue writing on this, I am just going to show some colourspreads which contain hints in my opinion. (Like Nami being represented as a queen, or Nami holding and wearing Luffy’s hat)

[siren1song]

Dating in Quarantine

Summary: The group is on video call, trying to decide the best dating strategy for quarantine.

Warnings: Quarantine, mildly suggestive language

Pairings: Anxceit, Logince, Intruality

Word Count: 878

Taglist: @acanvasofabillionsuns, @emo-disaster, @greenninjagal-blog, @jungle321jungle, @sleepy-sides, @gattonero17, @another-sandersidesblog, @strawberryjellystuff, @logic-with-a-pinch-of-deceit, @gr3ml1n-loser, @main-chive, @firey-alex, @spooky-scary-virgil, @yalltookmyurlideas, @sanderssidesweirdo, @stormypaint, @just-a-little-bit-gay-oops, @dying-is-a-hobby, @the-angry-ship, @rosesisupposes, @just-perhaps

Notes: I’m too tired to put my usual promotional stuff. Plus I gotta remake my commissions post to reflect new and updated information so just. Enjoy these dorks. Oh also I wrote this for @fandom-games!!

Ao3 Link!!

“You are not seriously suggesting that sending dick pics is a way to land a date in quarantine.”

“I am! And you’re too coward to admit it!”

Virgil sometimes wondered if Remus considered the words he said, or if he based every thought purely on how much it would annoy Roman.

“Uh… Remus, honey, explicit pictures are only good when they’re asked for by the person you wanna send them to,” Patton spoke up, his camera quality making him jump around the screen and his uncomfortable expression barely visible.

“See! Patton’s right. You can’t woo any man by sending pictures nobody wants to see!”

“Roman,” Logan interrupted, briefly turning on his own camera to give his boyfriend a look, despite the fact that Virgil could see Roman on his desktop in his background.

While Virgil watched them argue, he got a dm from his own boyfriend, who was technically downstairs but neither of them felt like bothering to move from their spots.

[Snake Boi] how long until they realize remus is basing his argument on experience?

Quickly muting himself, Virgil let out a loud snort. Patton narrowed his eyes at his screen (he thinks, the camera fuzz made it difficult to tell) and he typed a quick bullshit explanation of his allergies acting up or something.

[Bat-tle Axe] forever until patton admits he’s not as clueless as they all think

[Snake Boi] i still think we should coerce them into admitting their relationship to the others

[Bat-tle Axe] tricking patton into saying hes in love with remus isnt coercing snake bite

[Snake Boi] youre no fun

“Virgil? You’ve been muted for several minutes, are your allergies that bad?” Logan asked, making Virgil swear as he finally unmuted himself.

“Nah, I just forgot to unmute myself. What’s the verdict on dating in quarantine?” he asked, toying with the idea of turning on his camera before once again deciding against it.

He hasn’t done laundry in weeks, and was just in a hoodie and boxers, he’d rather not expose that to the world.

“Ya sure that’s all, kiddo?” Patton asked, his camera flickering into a rare moment of clarity to show Virgil his suspicious look.

[Bat-tle Axe] shit pat’s onto me

“Yeah, pops, I’m sure.”

Patton grinned at the fatherly nickname and his camera quality went right back down the shitter.

“Anyway, the verdict on dating in quarantine is none of you know how to make a man swoon,” Roman said, continuing the conversation and glaring at the screen.

Remus’ grin indicated that while Virgil was distracted, he’d said something to infuriate his brother.

“You don’t either, Roman,” Logan pointed out, though his voice was quieter and his account had left the call so Virgil was pretty sure he decided to do something productive.

Virgil let out another snort, covering his mouth with one hand even if his camera was off.

[Snake Boi] yOu DOnT eitHeR roMAn

[Snake Boi] logan stfu youre the one who didnt even realize roman was crushing on you for a whole year

A wheeze and a too fast rush to breathe later, Virgil was choking on air and pushing his laptop off his stomach so he could sit up and ease the coughing.

“You alright over there, Ursula?” Remus asked, and it took Virgil a moment but he eventually managed to send a thumbs up into the chat.

“Good! You must be over there choking on Jayjay’s d-”

“That’s enough, Remus!” Janus cut in, finally unmuting his mic in a frantic to not have his best friend bring the conversation to his sexual exploits.

Virgil tried to laugh again, but the scratchiness of his throat sent him into another coughing fit.

“If you guys kill Virgil, I’m killing you,” Roman said, crossing his arms and leaning against his desk to take his glare closer to the camera.

“I thought you had a rivalry with Virgil, dear,” Logan said, his voice louder.

Upon looking up, Virgil noticed he was hovering over Roman’s shoulder, looking at what was happening.

“Yes, but a rivalry means that if anyone is gonna ‘kill’ him, it’s gotta be me,” Roman explained, instinctively turning his head and pressing a kiss to Logan’s cheek, which in turned got a soft smile from Logan.

Gross.

“Nobody is killing anybody! Kiddo, you need to get some water,” Patton said, getting a ridiculously close to his own cam to show his concern.

“Way ahead of you,” Janus said, making Virgil yelp because the fucker was right in his room.

“Don’t-” he started, but was quickly interrupted by another round of coughing.

Janus raised an eyebrow and extended his hand with the glass of water.

“What happened, love bite?”

“Laughed too hard and spit went down the wrong pipe,” Virgil croaked, grabbing the water and drinking until half of it was gone.

While he shifted to put the glass of water on his desk, Janus got comfortable on Virgil’s bed and gestured for him to lay against his chest.

When he finally got his laptop back in his lap, Janus turned the camera on and they were met with a mixed chorus of delight and teasing.

“You all are aware that online dating apps exist, right?” Janus pointed out, and the conversation about dating in quarantine resumed.