#and i dont like positioning myself as an authority over characters

[secretmellowblog]

Hijo for the characterask game

Javert and #8

(A little late but for this ask game!!! Thank you again!)

#8: a thing the fandom does with this character that you despise!

Despise is a strong word! I'll say "confuses me" instead. I talked a little bit about it in my post about fandom Valjean things I dislike-- with the caveat that I don't think any of this is really a big deal, because this small huddle of fandom stuff is a very tiny niche that doesn't have a wide impact, and also it's very normal/natural for people's opinions on characters to change over time, and I know that my *own* opinions have changed over time-- but---

I am confused by all the pro-police stuff in the Javert fandom? XD

I think the main thing that confuses me is why Post-Seine stuff where Javert is "redeemed" usually has Javert returning to his job.

It just makes more sense, thematically and on a character level, for him to resign? The common idea that "redeemed Javert" would go back to arresting people and that this would be a Good Thing always throws me off. Because 'the entire criminal justice system is fundamentally broken, there is a gulf on high, it is immoral to do this' was his whole dramatic realization and all. Plus, even putting aside the anti-police politics of the book, being a cop was clearly not good for Javert's mental health. XD It was making him feel very bad!

I remember once reading a mildly popular fic where a post-seine Javert talks about how he thinks the prison system is fundamentally broken and violent and unjust, and he can never return to his job. And I was like "Wow, this author gets it!" Then I kept reading and it turns out Javert was supposed to be *wrong* in that paragraph, that paragraph was supposed to represent an incorrect pessimistic wrong way of thinking, and the fic was about Javert regaining his faith in the police. It's just very funky! Kinda just like, realizing people view this story in such a radically different way you can't ever vibe with their versions of the characters. People sometimes walk back everything Javert realizes in Derailed as if they're mistakes, instead of positive character development, which feels odd to me. People act as if Jean Valjean is the rare exception to the general rule that Prison Is Awesome And Cool, and that Javert just needs to realize he was wrong about Jean Valjean specifically and nothing else.

I think people often miss that the police are the villains of Javert's story, in the way they're the villains of Jean Valjean's. His family was ripped apart by the criminal justice system before he was even born, he was born in a cage like an animal, and he became an agent of the system that destroyed his childhood because he internalized that institutional abuse as something that he and his family must have deserved. "Is a system that leads to children being born in jails in desperate poverty actually just?" "well of course it is. the baby is a crime baby made of crime. >:("

He's spent his whole life either living in prison or serving as an agent of the prison system; he has no framework for what living outside of serving the carceral system actually looks like. My take is, that poor horrible creature has had enough policework for several lifetimes. If there is a way to be a "good cop," he would've found it by now. Let him rest. Let him find some funky new job.

Also, one or two people have implied in the distant past that I must hate Valvert, but from a Valvert perspective-- I think it's easier to have post-seine Valvert if Javert quits his job. First, it's a dramatic shift in their dynamic and the power level between them; it's a clear sign that Javert has permanently changed. Second: Javert searching for a new job after spending his entire life serving the prison system is just rife for bonding hijinks. You could easily write a scenario where Jean Valjean helps pull strings to find him work as a gardener for Petit-Picpus, but has to help train him for the position or something along those lines, giving them an excuse to interact. Third: I don't think Javert needs to be a cop to be nosy. If you want to write a "casefic"-ish mystery plotline he could be an Angela Lansbury Murder-She-Wrote old lady retiree character solving a mystery out of pure nosiness, without even arresting anyone. Because it would be very funny.

...This has just turned into a ramble about possible Post-Seine hijinks. Anyway the moral is: there isn't really a moral, this is just my petty fandom opinions. But "Javert fics where police are bad" and "Javert fics where police are flawed but ultimately good" are two completely different genres, is my take.

[testosteroneb0y]

NSFW alphabet - HABIT emH

-Cross posted on ao3-

CW: explicit/18+ content below the cut, A lot of kinks are implied but not directly mentioned and there is probably things I could add in here but I'm too lazy, just know it's kinky and smutty and all that jazz

Author's Note: this is the first thing I've written in a while and most of it is just me yapping. I tried to go over it and fix any mistakes but I've been too tired to properly proofread it. I also tried to keep it mostly in character but Habit is just such a questionable character it's rather hard to make it not end up being ooc. Gender neutral but made with afab body parts in mind.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I would like to think there would be a little bit but tbh it seems like a no. He'd probably make you see stars and then go straight back to murdering people or something <3

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His : hands. This fella probably has hands that would be on the larger side (which is shocking) and he just loves that, he can do so much more whether it's wrapping a hand around your wrists to hold them together or something else (that I can't think of rn😔 I'm too tired) he just loves the fact that it gives him more control

Partner : thighs, hips. I don't really have a good reason for this, he just seems like the type of guy to love leaving handprints from grabbing too hard on thighs 😇 similar to the thighs part, he probably just loves gripping onto them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

he cums inside, there's no denying it. He'll say things like "'gonna fill you up so good, m'kay, rabbit?" I don't even think he would be that big on breeding but my god does that man love seeing his seed dripping out of you

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Jerked off and came into a pair of your underwear and put it back into your drawer. He would be soossososoooo obsessed with the fact that you'd end up not realising and wearing them will they were still dirty

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Habit knows his stuff and I stand by that. Evan, not so much. From being in so many different people's bodies he has to have gotten some action. He was probably pissed off when he realised Evan's body couldn't take as much as he would like to.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Literally any as long as he can grab at your ass, or thighs, or hips. Also doggy style occasionally because he just loves absolutely pounding down into you, shoving your face into a pillow and going to town.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(This is more my Evan hcs bcuz yk its his body n stuff !!)

Naturally doesn't have much hair down there besides a little happy trail

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

honestly, canon habit probably would not give a fuck, as long as he gets to cum then he is fine but I'm a fanboy and dont care, i like that anyway :3

on the more ooc side, I think if he was truly inlove with you he would try to be more romantic but it's hard for him considering his violent nature

He would always try his best to make sure you have a nice (well...as nice as getting your brain fucked out of you can be) time.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he is shameless. He will leave a room and go to the bathroom or something and have a wank, he doesn't care if people in the other room hear him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

CHOKING. He fucking loves choking people because he likes the way they try to grasp for air. The light leaving their eyes is enough to get this man GOING.🥰 he loves pain, inflicting it mainly. I think it would be kinda obvious considering his...occupation, if you will. He is big on corruption. He just loves turning a little innocent "rabbit" into the freakiest person :3

I could go on and on about his kinks but I'm trying to contain myself.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Despite popular belief, I think he probably prefers being in his own house, but he would do it anywhere in the house.

If he is reeeally horny then he might pull you into an alley or something for a quickie

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Anything and everything you do will turn him on. I'm leaving it at that.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Im a strong believer that tbis man likes everything no matter how weird but maaaybe like scat n stuff, I can just see him not really being the biggest fan of things like that, he probably thinks it's too gross (and will say that while being covered in like 6 different peoples blood)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves receiving, Face fucking is one of his favourite things. Everything from how you look in the aftermath of it, to (going back to the choking thing) Your eyes rolling back as he just shoves his cock down into your throat.

Although he likes receiving, I think he would be pretty good at giving. It's almost like a wasted talent of his.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I don't even know why I have to say this but he definitely is rough ASSSSFFFFF. He will plow into you like there's no tomorrow. If he is feeling really cruel he will go super slow at first, only moving very slightly, making it almost like new form of torture.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he is even slightly pent up he most definitely will let it out. He seems like the typa guy that hates being sexually frustrated and he HAS to have some sort of release to calm him down or he is just rougher later on in the day.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is down to try everything and if I'm being honest he probably has already tried everything, and I genuinely mean every single thing a person could like. This isn't to say he likes everything, but he does probably enjoys mostly everything being the 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 he is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He could and would go all day, all night. Unfortunately, he has other business to attend to. (Brutally murdering people 😍)

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

oh brother, he has toys, TOO many toys. Mainly to use on other people but I can see him using a vibrator on himself on occasion. He also would own everything that could he used for bondage, which also happens to come in handy when he gets a bit silly and kidnaps people ! This is kind of random but I can see him loving nip clamps.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

So much, too much. I personally would not be able to stand the amount that he would tease, and I can put up with more than the average person. He is just a cruel motherfucker.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I can't imagine him being very loud. Evan whimpers, Habit himself wouldn't WANT to but that's the price that he has to pay when he uses other people's bodies.

He will talk and whisper dirty stuff into your ears most of the time but sometimes if he has had a bad day and is just really angry he will just shut up and get it over with.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves putting you in your place, even the slightest little bit of back chat and you are done for.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I think he would be pretty average in size, maybe even slightly smaller considering Evan's height, but he would make up for it in other ways.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It doesn't take much to get him going so even just the simple act of bending down infront of him, whether it was purposely or not, and he will have you bent over.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Habit himself wouldn't be tired because of the whole being an entity but he would realise "oh shit this body is so tired" and he would just force himself to go to sleep.

[a-writers-blurbs]

A bit of a disclaimer ig...

Hi guys,

This is going to be a long post that sounds slightly rant-y & I'm going to apologize in advance for that. I am going to make exactly ONE post (this one) about this topic, and I will not be discussing it further or posting about it again. I will also not be responding to any negative comments but deleting them instead.

These are my personal opinions and [...not *trying* to sound rude, but there's no other way to say it...] a bunch of random people online aren't going to change my opinions.

My husband is an artist. He does canvas painting & draws comic books (think anti-hero dark horse). I paint furniture (kinda mini murals) & make chibi drawings. I've also been writing fanfiction since the late 90s.

That being said, this post is about AI art.

I get the controversy, I do. But I've heard this argument before, when fanfiction became more popularized. The whole "You're just stealing someone else's work & changing it up to call it your own" is (at its core) the same argument against AI. The only difference is that instead of you yourself changing it, you're allowing a machine to do it.

But I digress...

Over the last week, I have received several messages about my use of AI art. First & foremost, my stuff is appropriately tagged as AI.

Second, I don't sell or advertise these pictures in any way. In fact, none of them have been posted anywhere but here (as of 6/1/24).

Third, and probably most important, I DONT MAKE THEM FOR YALL. Fanfiction & fanart are a HOBBY. It is something that I do because I enjoy it and it destresses me. I DO NOT do it, hoping I'll get 1000s of followers, views, likes, etc. Every story I write, I print & bind for my library. I will now be doing the same with my AI pictures.

I have a condition that has a symptom called Maladaptive Daydreaming. Because of this, my head is full of an alarming amount of excruciatingly detailed & unrealistic scenarios and images. (To the point that it affects my everyday life).

I can't necessarily recreate the images in my mind without help & the only way to get rid of the random scenarios is to write them out. So I do write them. And now I use AI to help me get a BASE image. I do still go in myself and edit/redraw parts of each generated image to fit them to the characters I want them to represent. I do thus using digital art.

Granted, there's a whole other group of people that think digital art isn't real art... but that's a discussion for another day. Anyway...

TLDR:

I use AI art & will continue to despite some people's dislike. I will continue to delete any and all comments left publicly that are malicious, rude, or condescending. My stories & are are for me. If others enjoy it, great, that's freaking awesome. If not, there are literally thousands of other fanfic authors you can follow instead of me.

Again, I apologize, I know this sounds rude. But I need to be 100% transparent on this one. I am extremely grateful for every folllower & reader I have. I won't lie & say comments/positive interaction isn't a serotonin boost because it is. Yall also give me more motivation to actually complete a story vs. moving on to the next idea. But I'm not going to change the way I do things to appease someone I don't even know.

This is one of the few things I enjoy doing in my free time & have been doing it for 25 years now, and in the last 5 or so years ALL fandoms have gotten so toxic its hard to enjoy anything anymore. Last time it got like this, I simply stopped posting. I'd rather not do that again, but if people (who aren't even following me) don't leave me alone, I'll probably have to do it again, sadly.

But for now, hopefully this post will give people with different opinions to go ahead and block me from their feed. We're not going to agree so instead of wasting energy arguing, let's keep the peace & agree to stay off if each others feeds.

I won't judge you on your idea that you feel it's your duty to harass people over their choices & you won't judge me for enjoying something. 😉

Thank you for listening. Love yall & and I hope your day is blessed!

[beesmygod]

Somewhat embarassing writer question- how do you write characters that like screw up so well? I think I sometimes get stuck in a neurotic rut where like I always want characters who aren't The Bad Guy or something to do the right/smart thing or like not make them look bad and realize its probably holding me back writing wise

not embarrassing to anyone but me i think; i honestly take a long time to reply to questions that ask me to explain my process because i get overcome with the waves of sheer terror that come with being in front of a live audience. im know how i read from an external perspective; i represent that contingency of people who position themselves as some sort of authority on taste and/or artistic creation who themselves are only capable of making subpar and shallow works. uhhh like, its embarrassing to be caught thinking so hard about something you do that sucks, if that makes sense. esp when im a v critical person lol. so, like all things, remember that this is one idiots perspective on writing.

anyway:

i understand this problem even if i dont think i succumb to it as much as i used to. i think there are a few avenues to think about this starting with:

are you afraid of audience reaction? this is a common fear i see pop up that i think is very overblown by people who cut themselves off at the knees creatively over the mere concept of being yelled at by an imaginary person. the comforting truth is that not enough people will be reading your comic to find a reason to get mad about it and the people who do read it will be doing it in good faith. and if they do get mad....thats teh power of art babey!

does the bad behavior make sense? it doesnt have to be morally grey or logical, it just has to be COMPREHENSIBLE that someone would do what they did. a reason for an audience to react poorly to a character's choices is because the character's motivations are inscrutable to anyone but the author. if the audience is not privy to a character's intentions, desires, goals, or habits, a bad choice may come off as random and arbitrary. like, you can do that, but you can only do "i did it to be random" so many times before the audience loses patience with the cast and starts to wonder why they should care about people with no sense of self-preservation.

is it important that the character is right? i almost always default to what would be the funniest/more interesting/quickest action depending on what i'm trying to do with the scene at the original time of writing or while making the actual page lol. i only choose the cleanest option when i need to get myself out of a scene for my own sake

i hope this helps. thank you for asking something that made me think

[gethellbcnt-m]

screaming my thoughts about s2e8 into the void because i need to to scream it somewhere n i dont wanna bother people SO--

the song was fun, the visuals were comedy gold, and i thought the escalation from playful horniness to Anxiety-Fueled Dread was very entertaining !

LOONA YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR FATHER FEEL BETTER ! you know he's gotta give that bird the ultimate stuffing to keep the book ! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THOSE THINGS--

Moxxie being supportive of his boss is adorable... even if Blitz technically caused a divorce, but those two were on their way there anyway so it's fineeeeeeee !

Cleatus, Keenie, imma need you two to shut up- i know the dhorks are kinda dumb when it comes to taking info with a pinch of salt, but this is just sad. speaking of : WHY ARE MY TAXES BEING USED ON THIS INSTEAD OF BETTER SCHOOL LUNCHES-- i'm also getting incredibly vague lion king vibes from the shot of those priest clones... and is that Collin foreshadowing i see in the interrogation room ??

sick robot suits, loving the parallel between the IMP and team CHERUBS. i wuold've preferred if the cherubs kept to the background more and saw that hell isn't too different from heaven, and that the hellborn are just vibing to the best of their abilities wherever they live.

Blitz's shopping spree was such a joy to watch, and it shows how much effort he's willing to put into the visits he makes to Stolas in order to keep his business and friends financially secure. i'm waiting to see if one/the mnm's will get a similar sequence in the future.

these shopkeeper designs fucking ROCK and i want to know more about them ! even if i know they're probably one-time characters and will never see them again lol

love love LOOOVE Fizz and Ozzie's toy/entertainment selection !! i can't stop looking at everything in the background because A] it's so colorful and B] i'm a pervert who wants to draw my muses in some of these hehehe

the remainder of IMP vs. the CHERUBS were so fun to watch ! i feel bad for Ozzie though, he and Fizz are definitely having a talk about Blitz and his team being surpervised if they're ever allowed to visit the Lust ring again after all the damage they caused.

Stolas... didn't just start the conversation by giving him the crystal, first ? asking about the book first -- Blitz's only reason that his business is still running and keeping him AND his employees financially afloat -- and seeing the underlying fear and uncertainty on Blitz's face before Stolas doubles down... God, it hurts. ' i can always do better ' just... OUGH.

i am going to out myself as a Blitz enjoyer here because i relate to him a lot on a concerning level.. but also because i've been to that scalding, steaming pit of self-hatred, too ; i've long since climbed out of that pit, but i can understand his position because i've been there. you feel like you're alone, even when you're in a room full of company that you enjoy being with. you feel like even when you're surrounded by loving family/friends, you have this feeling in your heart that they secretly hate you regardless of how much praise or support they give you. something just feels... off. any signlas that Stolas may have given him just whooooooshed over Blitz's head because he's too caught up in his own self-loathing to see it.

additionally, i've ALSO been fearful of someone with higher authority who's able to decide whether or not i keep my job depending on their opinion of me. to have such low self esteem and be at a disadvantage in The System just freaking sucks donkey balls, bro.

i'll give Stolas credit where it's due : the communication is FINALLY happening ! but you know what's awesome about that process ? learning to LISTEN !! he knows that Blitz is a guy who uses humor in the way he communicates, and i feel that it would not have taken more than a few seconds for him to have said, ' Blitz, i'm being serious '. would it have not lead to Blitz blowing up at him ? i don't know ! would it have lead to Blitz calling out Stolas and having his emotional rant anyway ? it's entirely possible !

both characters are so caught up in their pains that, if they took a little more time to clarify themselves and their feelings, it's very likely that their confrontation wouldn't have ended the way it did.

[97-liners]

Okay first of all, im defending her because of the content of the fic amd i have personally read it, NOT because she specifically is my friend. And second of all im not asking anyone to become personal friends with authors i didnt even imply that, i mean if ur gonna read an author, looking at gheir page a bit might be helpful but thats optional, now for the last bit if you read the first four paragraphs of a fic and go "oh this isnt for me" then it ISNT for you, dont assume the rest of the fic is bad or it doesnt get better, angst is a genre that exists and it has vsrying levels, just because it isnt for you doesnt mean its disgusting or wrong especially in this context. For example, i like to read angsty fics about dealing with weight issues because of my ed but that doesnt mean its for everyone and it doesnt mean the fic is GLORIFYING anything such as "being skinny" which the fic isnt even about btw

You always go on when people have a counter arguement trying to own them like "oh well this defense train" "oh well your her friend so your biased" i have a working brain dont i ??? I can come to conclusions myself without bias, im coming to you in your asks as a fat person, not as her friend although yes i am going to defend her. If i see bullshit i call it out, if she was in the wrong i wouldve 100% told her that, i think we have talked to each other enough for you to know this about me anyway but all you ever want to do is be in the right about things and blame other people and be self righteous and im kind of sick of defending you for it to my other mutuals but this was definitely the last straw. Slandering people for fics that you personally dislike as opposed to it being ACTUALLY harmful is crossing a pretty big line and this is ridiculous

this entire ask has nothing to do with the previous rant you sent in my inbox or the original anon that was hurt and the subsequent discussions but ok

but since you’re so insistent of me reading the full fic, i did. and i still don’t see how it’s supposed to be an angst fic about overcoming bullying when the entire premise is “i was bullied for being fat, then i lost weight and got really fit and skinny, and now everybody is fawning over me”

this isn’t a “this isn’t for me” reaction, this is a “this is cruel and i feel shitty and ugly reading it” reaction.

from the start, there’s so much emphasis on the contrast between the former self and the better, more attractive and more successful current self. the current self is repeatedly emphasized to be thin and fit.

throughout the entire fic there’s continued references to how attractive both characters are and it’s almost always tied to thinness (eg hoshi’s sharp jaw and muscles)

i understand that maybe this is why you said this is angst about overcoming bullying. but if “overcoming” bullying is you losing a lot of weight and entirely changing your lifestyle and appearance, and “overcoming” is also your former bullies being envious of your success, then that’s a really fucked to message to communicate.

this isn’t a case where writing is bad and i don’t like it, the writing is okay both from a technical standpoint and from a style standpoint. but the content is actively harmful. like, sorry if you can’t see it, or if you think that it’s positive representation of the experience of being bullied. i hope you can overcome that and set healthier expectations.

[gg-selvish]

i saw your post and i realized that i definitely haven't left enough comments on your ao3 works for how much i enjoy them, so here. i wanted to let you know that you are one of my favorite, if not my all-time favorite, dream team writer. i love to read your nsfw works because they're hot and sexy, yes, but also? you have one of the best characterizations of the guys that i've seen, ESPECIALLY in nsfw works. i have had to almost immediately click off of so many fics because they just don't get the characters and their dynamics right imo, but your fics? i read them over and over. every single time i get an email that you've updated or posted a piece, i genuinely get so excited when i see that it's you.

your karl/george series is something that i will love forever and ever. i'm ace and i adore the way you portrayed karl and his sexuality in every one. it's so refreshing to find a good nsfw work that has a well written asexual character!!! i may not like knf as a ship very much, but i love them the way you write them so much.

there's so much i'm probably forgetting to say right now, but just know that i thoroughly love everything i've read from you. your works are amazing with and without the nsfw parts. please know that there are people out there (me) reading your fics for more than the smut. you deserve to know that.

<3

okay wow um this is a lot in a very good way but i'm definitely overwhelmed? normally when i get nice stuff like this i just say thank you but i've been in a chatty mood today so i'm going to turn this into A Thing if u dont mind... i really, really appreciate this. i've had a strange experience in this fandom where the whole time i've been here i've had a pretty even split of 'you're a delusional freak and i hope you die' and 'you're my favourite author please never stop posting' and my brain doesn't really know what to do about the black and white of it so normally i just move on and block it out but that's lead to me being incredibly insecure about myself and my work so i'm going to try really hard to process this and internalize it lol

so again, thank you so much for saying this to me. it really means a lot to me to hear that people like my fic because it takes up so much space in my brain and sometimes i get worried i'm only still getting any positive acknowledgement out of obligation and less so because what i'm doing is actually worth a compliment. i've felt really bad about my writing for a while now and it's nice to hear from someone who isn't my established friend that it's worth reading. and enjoyed too! wow thats crazy to me genuinely. i really do think im shit most days. especially my works of the last stretch.

regarding you (& only you) this is a lot easier for me to hear. i love that series so much and it makes my heart happy to know other ace people appreciate it and view it as positive representation because i'm asexual and always worry it reads as just porn. this comes into play with the comments thing again... me putting a lot of personal experience and deep thought into dynamics with no pay off. obviously i'm not saying every fic in that series is groundbreaking or even worth reading, but idk they each have a piece of importance to them. at least to me. i was just saying the other day that in my lapses of writers block i get anxious about the last thing i've posted being not my best work. in this current hiatus i'm in i'm actually quite content with EASE being the latest work in my recents. sure rules is unfinished but i kind of hate that fic so whatever. EASE is good. i love how that turned out and i'm proud of it and comfortable with that being the first thing people see on my profile

all insecurity and internal pressure aside i love writing for this fandom and hope i can do it for at least a little longer. i'm immeasurably grateful that people are willing to still read what i create, it makes creating it a little easier. i sound like a broken record but really thank you for this. it means more to me than you could know.

[melis-writes]

hello i just want to say lately im having the impression youre writing certain things you dont want you dont want to write? i feel like people got v hyped over victonny and, even if good, you write it mostly bc people demand it and not much bc you want it. i just want to say write what you want. you've been gettig some anons that are getting demanding lately and theyre in no position to put that pressure on when you post and what you post. seems p inconsiderate to the author to me.

Hello sweet anon, thank you for your concern. ❤️ I really appreciate it!! Let me clear this all up!

As immensely popular as the Victonny ship has gotten with many, many prompts coming in by the day, I never write anything I don’t want to. Since I’ve started accepting prompts many, many months back, I have come across ones that made me uncomfortable or that I simply wasn’t interested in and that still applies to this day. I receive about ~15 prompts a day, varied in terms of ships, plots, films, characters etc! 😅

I’m very grateful people want to see smaller snippets of my writing on a more regular basis with everyone’s ideas and I always will be. 🥰 I love writing, it’s what I do! But I’m a human being, not an automated robot so I can’t write all the time or at specific times or everything all at once. That’s why I really appreciate everyone’s patience and love the anticipation. 💕

That’s why I don’t work on Victonny prompts everyday or all the time. I know how immensely popular it is, I know there’s a demand and a wait, but I also want to prioritize and work on the other prompts because I know I’ll get to Victonny later. 👀 I personally love the ship myself and I’m thrilled/surprised in the best way possible for how popular it got over a small shock scene in the actual fic, so I definitely would not write any Victonny prompts if I really didn’t actually want to. ❤️ There are of course some submissions of Victonny (for example) I received that I was not interested in writing.

Thank you, I really appreciate your outlook and support. ☺️ I completely get what you mean. The writing comes out when it comes out, I don’t work with my hobbies under pressure. 😅 That’s my golden rule. 💛

[ihopeyouaredoingokay]

im not doing okay. no partner, no meds, no therapy, untreated adhd, stressing over uni, depressed and miserable. if only two negatives made a positive. i tried texting my semi estranged brother. i wish i wasnt groped as a kid by family maybe id be more normal that way. i want some guidance, i wont turn to my parents or religion. thinking of looking to the tarot cards but we all know how that could go and ill have psychosis part 4. im so alone. i think i do this to myself. i feel like my worth to people is only how much entertainment they can get out of me so yeah. i could speak to people who dont give a fuck and vent to sate their curiosity in exchange for their company. or should i sleep around. i dont know. i dont know. i want to hurt myself in some way. im considering taking an old antidepressant just to hit myself with the side effects but i dont know. i have work tomorrow. i cant do that to the kids. im vicariously living through this smut author and her husband who is utterly obsessed with her. hes such an interesting and well rounded person and is also respectful and smart, i cant believe hes real. it makes me think of my ex. but i dont know. i dont know who i want to live my life with. i hate being alone but choosing “the one” is too much pressure. what if theyre not. what if i make the wrong choice. i dont want to have any regrets. i feel like such a loser. i want to read but my books are either classic romance or philosophy or some old ya novels from when i was a teen. or theres always smut on my phone. i love projecting my residual feelings for my ex towards a fictional character instead. im constantly on my phone reading bullshit just to distract myself from the unfortunate fact that im alive. i need to apply for this years courses. im scared of making the wrong choice. i wish i was dead.

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

13 + 32 + 40 for the writer questions!!!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

a subject i struggle a lot with currently is sex. ive decided for myself to be as explicit as i would dare and juggle all these complicated, complex emotions and burdens the characters bring with them. i was raised without a healthy skillset regarding sex, my sex education in school was comparitively good but i grew up with this very twisted idea that sex = violence, that especially women are victimized by it while men by nature cant help but want to have it. i realized pretty early thats bullshit, but biases and images run deep, especially that fear i have internalized. writing explicitly about sex, queer sex, sex involving men being something else but mindless beasts, is very empowering. at the same time, it is agony. i dont like men like that and i have yet to fully work through my lesbian trauma regarding men and comphet. trying to describe attraction to men, or positive experiences sleeping with men, is so confusing and difficult. in a sense, this too helps me work through my shit but god, is it hard. im saying this with all the love i have. i do not force myself at all, i have this weird thirst for it, this desire to set myself free. but it IS deeply personal. it clearly reflects back to myself what i oftentimes dont want to directly confront.

fuck, i forgot the second part of this question! very quick, here: im good at writing feelings. i mean i sometimes struggle with it, naming them can be hard and sometimes i dont know what i even want to say while im writing. but when i do know, im pretty good at weaving it into the story, at staying on the pulse of the character, at keeping very close to their heart and letting their thoughts, their innermost soul, just unspool and unravel. its something i love to read and writing it, once ive muddled through my shit, is cathartic and fun. im prone to being a little more poetic in my style, and it lends itself well to breaking open a character like a fruit, exposing their soft insides

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you? and 40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

alright, so when i was small, my grandfather used to read poetry to me. he is a pretty good storyteller and i love him very much. everytime im reading from the author he read to me, i have his voice and his mannerism in my ear; where he set a pause, where he lifted his voice, where he grew louder, what he chose to emphasize. (he is still alive and well, we've just not done this in a while.) and of the poetry there is one poem that still positively haunts me, it is brilliant, hilarious, and creative. i can practically semi-recite it on the spot, with his style of performance in my heart. i found a great english translation, lemme put it here for you to oggle at!!!

Palmstroem, old, an aimless rover, walking in the wrong direction at a busy intersection is run over.

"How," he says, his life restoring and with pluck his death ignoring, "can an accident like this ever happen? What's amiss?

"Did the state administration fail in motor transportation? Did police ignore the need for reducing driving speed?

"Isn't there a prohibition, barring motorized transmission of the living to the dead? Was the driver right who sped…?"

Tightly swathed in dampened tissues he explores the legal issues, and it soon is clear as air: Cars were not permitted there!

And he comes to the conclusion: His mishap was an illusion, for, he reasons pointedly, that which must not, can not be.

"The Impossible Fact" by Christian Morgenstern, tl. Max Knight, original & translation here!

ask me weird writers questions!

[just-antithings]

A fic writer in my fandom is being called an anti and badmouthed in a Discord channel, with people being encouraged on the downlow not to comment/reblog/kudo/like her stuff. I actually like her work because she does canon compliant fics while the fandom is oversaturated with AUs and it scratches my itch. So I was like, "damn, how disappointing, I follow her tumblr and subscribe to her AO3 and haven't seen anti stuff from her, where did she hide that?" only to be told that she is an anti because she doesn't multiship, blocks people who ship her NOTP and said she doesn't consider herself a proshipper because she finds the term too vague and prone to being interpreted differently based on which group is using it. I literally went @_@ when I saw that. Paraphrasing the convo that followed, I asked to clarify: "So she doesn't harass people, send death threats or advocate for a content she doesn't like to be removed completely?" And the answer I got, paraphrased: "Well, no, but she blocks people over what they ship and doesn't want to call herself a proshipper. And she's a monoshipper, too. Antis are always obsessed with their ship and hate others." And at that point I left the conversation and the Discord server both and spent the past couple of hours leaving long comments on all of her fics, both on Tumblr and AO3. I'm sending this to you to vent so I can excise my negativity about the situation without it slipping into my comments to her. I hope that's okay.

Yea, thats shitty. I also block my notps and depending on the fandom or character, hate multishipping. I also dont directly discribe myself as a porshipper (im not highly active in fandom any more sobik hardly even a shipper at all at this point). The author is very clearly cultivating their own online experience so they can get the most enjoy ment out of it..... You know the thing so many proshippers advocate for. I think its awesome that you are giving her positivity, while also venting somewhere else so she only gets the good parts.

I'm sure most people dont live the whole "i think youre great unlike these other people" like personal if someone dislikes me i dont need people who do like me to bring it up everytime i get a compliment (kind of how a lot of trans advocating posts cant be positive without bring up how much better they are then terfs like yea, but i would like positivity without being reminded about how much certain other people hate me.)

The people in that server are being childish because someone they like wont make the content they want so they are lashing out. They apparently are struggling with the concept that not everything is for them, and instead of going out and looking for things they do enjoy they want to complain. Again childish an its so similar to anti behavior, im not calling them antis but again the same thing applies to antis and them here

Not everything is made for you and other people cultivating their online experience is not a slight on you. Get over yourself and let people use fiction how they want, you dont speak for everyone.

[kirishimaswife2819]

Hey, Danielle! This is an emergency request.. i think? But it's not like i would die without it so feel free to ignore this or see it as a normal request.

Lately i've been feeling down. I'm getting ignored by people when i talk (im sure they dont do it on purpose tho) and when i make a joke i just accidentally make things awkward. It's not only with my friends, but also with my family. And I've been very selfconsious these past few weeks and I'm feeling embarrassed by literally anything I do, like even now, writing this request, asking for a little comfort makes me feel embarrassed. I can't really function properly anymore, I don't talk anymore unless I'm spoken to and I don't like doing my hobbies anymore because I feel embarrassed. I can't even cry about it even if I'm all alone in my room. I'm just constantly asking myself "why are you like this?"

I've been scrolling through your blog and your reminder of how your fav fic character would adore you made me tear up..

I wonder what Izuku would do if he notices how his fem (or gn it doesn't really matter to me) s/o has been quiet lately and sits in their room all day doing literally nothing. And then he finds out about how they feel and how he would comfort and help them.

Okay I've read this like 5x, I'm sorry if I made any mistakes, English isn't my first language. Lol. But please don't force yourself to write this if you don't feel like it! I'd rather have you write something you like. Oh, and I really like your cat photos btw! I hope you have a nice day/night! :)

Them Comforting Their S/o That’s Been Feeling Down Lately || Midoriya

Masterlist 1 || Masterlist 2

↠Author’s Note: Hi! Sorry that you’ve been feeling like that :( I don’t really think I can help much other than saying that you’re perfect. But I hope you feel better and these maybe help? Even just a little bit. You’re English was fine tho, don’t worry :) But I hope you feel better soon! Make sure that you take good care of yourself (or the best that you can) -Danielle <3

↠Characters: Izuku Midoriya x Reader

↠Summary: Izuku comforting his s/o that’s been feeling down lately (not wanting to do hobbies, staying locked up in their room, etc.)

↠Genre: Comfort/fluff

↠Word Count: 450

↠Warnings: Mentions of s/o feeling down

↠Notes: None

He’s going to catch on to the fact that you’ve been feeling down lately, fairly quickly, he just pays a lot of attention to his s/o and there’s no way he wouldn’t notice that you weren’t feeling the best

He decides not to ask about it for a few days after he first notices though, maybe you were just having an off day. But then as he sat back, he realized that you weren’t starting to feel any better or show any signs of getting better, and that’s when he decided that he should maybe do something about it

But he didn’t want to confront you about it and potentially make you uncomfortable/hesitant to tell him what’s wrong, so instead he decided to just try and get you out of your room, doing things with him or one of your friends

It didn’t matter what it was when he first started doing this, he’d invite you to do any and every thing with him, it didn’t matter if it was training, studying, or even making something to eat at twelve a.m., he’d invite you to come with him

Throughout all of this, he also caught on to the fact that you weren’t doing any of your hobbies anymore, so he looked in his notebook that contained all of your information (which obviously includes your hobbies) and he learned a bit about a few of them (he picked ones that he thought he would enjoy as well)

And then he started inviting you on dates that had to do with the hobbies. You like to draw? Okay, come over to his dorm, you two can draw together while listening to some music! You like some type of sport? Okay! You two can practice outside of the dorms together until you both can’t breathe any longer. You like cooking? You guys can cook some food together for everybody else in the dorms! :)

He’ll continue to do this until you start suggesting these dates, or go back to doing the hobbies on your own time, and even after that, he’ll still do the hobbies with you, so you don’t slip back into your old mood

And as for the not talking until you’re spoken to thing, don’t worry! He will talk constantly, to the point where if it does get silent, you’re already back into a slightly better mindset and feeling better enough to speak first

Overall, he’ll help you out of your negative mindset, and into a better and positive one, and he’s not giving up until you’re feeling 110% better

[bthump]

All right, the results of the “should berserk continue” survey are in.

Honestly lol I found myself nodding along to all of these responses, even the ones that contradict the other ones. Everyone’s made great points here. Thanks for answering anon’s question!

@silver-haired-dreams

I’d love it to continue tbh. I would just hope the staff followed whatever Miura had planned. The exhibit had an interview with Miura where he talked about his plans for the end of Berserk (with the RPG group ending and Guts facing Griffith several times and Skullknight as well (!!!) ) so it’s clear Miura knew the ending (I mean any creative writer involved in a long form story most likely has a plan for how the story will end.) It really depends how they can best avoid bias with the characterizations. I think his assistants were people Miura entrusted and they shared his vision. They weren’t randoms he found off the street. Another thing I’ve heard suggested is to bring on Mori, Miura’s lifelong best friend who he based Guts and Griffith’s relationship on. Apparently they talked every week and Miura would tell him in detail his plans for Berserk. I’d rather have someone who understood Miura as a person and his characters (with actual writing talent) than any random mangaka. I think the assistants are very capable with the art and releases might even speed up if they take over.

***

@deselegant asked:

i'm pretty much on the same page as you regarding the continuation of berserk. like, having more content and also reaching the end of the story would be great, but at the same time there's the looming possibility the assistants would misunderstand the characters and that could impact heavily on the outcome of the manga and also fandom's perception of the characters (i know that ship has already sailed, but y'know, maybe it could get worse. especially now we've ended on a positive(? at least in my opinion) note and the fandom was actually having productive conversation). it is a pity we don't know if miura left notes, bc maybe the assistants would continue writing the story in a way that most of the fandom would like, which means (shudder) guts, casca & mb ending up as a happy, boring family. like, not even a bittersweet ending. also, the art probably would take a hit without miura there to storyboard it, and the way miura drew the manga was v important to the storytelling of berserk.

regardless, even if it did continue, i wouldn't think of anything beyond this last chapter as canon, bc it wasn't written by miura (maybe unless they were following a script left by him), and i imagine (hope) the rest of the fandom wouldn't as well, so there's that.

***

Anonymous asked:

Follower here! I'm... Fine with them continuing it. I'd prefer if they didn't, honestly a lot of Berserk was Miura's writing and I worry if a new Mangaka, Or an assistant continuing things, would be able to preserve that. It's ultimately up to them, and they would know Miura's wishes better than I would.

However if they do, I don't think I'm going to consider anything after this canon, or at least not fully canon in the same way.

***

Anonymous asked:

My ideal to be honest would be the release of some sort of manuscript or other piece of writing where Miura scetched out his ideas for the rest of the story. I do not want another artist to continue the manga. It just feels weird, never liked it when reading the last books of The Wheel of Time which another author had written after the original author had died.

***

Anonymous asked:

re: berserk continuing i honestly kinda dont want it to now. it's sure as fuck not a satisfying or conclusive ending but i just feel like it was so tonally appropriate as an ending considering the circumstance. griffith meets with guts and casca and is able to feel "warmth" one last time, but he can't keep it, and he comes out of it bereft, longing for something he'll never have again, maybe not quite ready to say goodbye just yet after all. but we know he has no choice, it's already over. which is admittedly pretty fucking close to how i was feeling the whole time to be honest lol. it's perfect

***

Anonymous asked:

I think that I'd be okay w/ Berserk continuing if Kouji Mori did the writing. He's Miura life-long best friend, a mangaka (I haven't read his works but apparently they're p good?) and a consultant for Berserk, and Miura based Griffith and Guts' relationship on their friendship. Him and Miura talked all the time and he probably has the best understanding of Miura's vision for the manga. Also ngl it'd be kinda poetic if Berserk was written by the two people behind Griffith and Guts.

[telehxhtrash]

I know its a big debate but I am not a dudebro for thinking killua and gon are platonic. I have no problem with people who do at all, but I honestly just think they have a strong friendship, and I am for encouraging boys to have these types of bonds with each other ~screw toxic masculinity~ I like following your blog btw

Hi ! First of all, thank you for liking my blog! I’m glad you’re enjoying my content even though I’m killugon trash HAHAH

Oh lord, it really is a big debate. I’m not calling everyone who doesnt like a romantic reading of killugon a dudebro, only the people who are vehemently against it because they say people are projecting and that there is no basis to our claims that hxh is queer work.

This is gonna be me ranting for a bit because it’s a subject that’s very dear to me so i’m very sorry in advance, it’s not against you, just a general statement !

I totally agree that fuck toxic masculinity. It’s so fucking toxic and men should be allowed to show emotions, affection and care openly without fearing for repercussions. And having portrayals of friendships where the characters are not afraid of sharing their love with the other in a totally platonic way is amazing.

However. 

There’s been countless representations of this type of relationship in media over the years. In every media, not only anime. I always cite the same example, but take Naruto who is the example that speaks to me the most. (ive never seen it so dont flame me if i say dumb shit). But from my understanding, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was a full on middle finger in the face of toxic masculinity. They shared a deep bond, pretty much like Killua and Gon’s. I know a lot of people shipped them because their relationship was borderline homoerotic, but in the end it was just a beautiful representation of a very deep platonic friendship. 

And when you’re queer, it’s heartbreaking. Because you’ve been projecting this entire time, for the work to tease you, to literally bait you into showing you inherent queer behavior only for it to say “haha lol jk” at the end is fucking rough. Especially when you’re young and questioning your sexuality, looking at relationships between two best friends and thinking “oh, this feels like I feel when I’m with my best friend, is this romantic love?” and then the work saying nope haha its purely platonic ! its rough. trust me. 

The community doesn’t have a lot of positive, healthy queer relationships to identify with. Especially in anime. Most queer relationships are labeled under the special genres “shounen ai” and “yuri” (both of these categories painting queer relationships in the worst possible ways ever btw, but thats a whole other subject). But it’s fucking sad. Because we deserve to see queer representation in works that are not classified as those genre. We shouldn’t have to dig into a particular genre to identify with characters : there should be queer representation no matter the genre, whether it be a shoujo, a seinen, or for example, a shounen battle manga.

And that’s why HxH is so important to the queer community. Because it displays just that. That you can have good queer representation in non shounen-ai genres. That queer relationships are normal and should not have to be classified under a certain category. 

A lot of queer people identify and recognize HxH as queer work, because of a few reasons. Togashi has always been interested in queer representation, having put queer characters in every single one of his works. There was a trans girl in YYH, a trans man in Level E, Alluka in HxH. Togashi also wrote several gay characters in both of these works. I always repeat myself on this, but Togashi also wanted to write a gay sports manga, but was turned down. His favorite manga when he was younger was a shounen-ai. So yes, Togashi has deep history and is very involved in queer representation.

Togashi is also very fucking smart. Just look at all the metas people are producing every day about hxh and understand how much effort togashi has put into his work : he’s a smart man, who makes conscious choices about everything he puts in his manga. So when you see the way he portrayed Killua and Gon’s relationship, and for now most importantly Killua, you know it’s not accidental. Togashi has put SO much subtext in his work about Killua in general, from his birthday being Tanabata to him wanting to commit a lovers’ suicide with Gon, and Togashi KNOWS how it comes across, he’s not dumb. He knows what those things mean, he knows that a shinjuu is a heavily connotated word, and that people, ESPECIALLY JAPANESE PEOPLE who have the cultural context, are gonna think “oh, maybe Killua is gay”. Because that subtext is intentional. And there’s a lot of it. If you haven’t read my post on the subtext of HxH, I invite you to do so because there’s a LOT of it. 

In short, HxH has the subtext, has the potential and has the one author that is not afraid of putting queer stuff in his work. That’s why Killugon is so important to the community, and that’s why a lot of people, especially queer folks, insist on the romantic reading of their relationship. 

Because it’s extremely important to queer people. Positive representation of queer relationships in anime is hard to come by, ESPECIALLY in the shounen genre. And sadly, because our society is drowning in deep internalized homophobia, people easily dismiss queer behavior in media as platonic actions.

How many times have I seen people assess that two people of opposite genders in an anime are in love only because they looked at each other once (take Ponzu and Pokkle for example). Or because they held hands. Our society is so quick to romanticize interactions between two people of different genders, but fail to do the same when it’s same-gender pairings. 

Straight people hand holding, kissing, blushing around each other, admitting their love out loud, looking at each other’s eyes deeply are immediately categorized as in love. But when it’s people of the same gender, people immediately say “it can be platonic”. And whether you’re aware of it or not, that’s internalized homophobia.

That’s why it’s infuriating to see people dismiss the subtext that Togashi has tried SO HARD to plant throughout his story. Because it’s there, and if Killua was a girl, there’d be way less people opposed to a romantic reading of their relationship. Because it’d be widely accepted that Togashi is writing them as a developing couple, no questions asked. 

Which brings me to my final point (promise, I’ll stop ranting after this). Sadly, the voices of the people who assert a platonic reading of a relationship are often louder than the voices of queer people who identify with the work. When confronted with an ambiguous relationship between a same-gender pairing, people unconsciously tend to choose a platonic reading of the relationship. Which is harmful to the queer community, because the voices of the queer people who identify with the work are silenced. 

In conclusion, yes, representations of deep platonic friendships without toxic masculinity are good, and very much encouraged. We’ve just had a shitton of those over the years, and queer people are craving for proper representation. Togashi is deeply invested in positive queer representation, has planted a lot of conscious subtext in HxH, and he’s the one author that would NOT queerbait. So people being insistent that Killua is pretty much canonically gay, and that it’s likely that Killugon will be a romantic pairing is not for the sake of mindless shipping. It’s because there are a lot of reasons to believe that this is Togashi’s intention.

And like I said, sadly, people insisting on a platonic reading of their relationship is unintentionally harmful to the queer community, because people are so quick to dismiss elements that make queer people identify with the work as platonic behavior, dismissing queer people as “wishful shippers”. 

There are plenty of reasons to believe that HxH is queer work, and while platonic readings of killugon’s relationship are valid, it sucks that it’s become overbearing in the anime community, to the point where outside of tumblr, people literally bully you for thinking that there’s a possibility Killua might be gay and in love with Gon. (trust me, i’ve faced a lot of people saying that it’s disgusting to label killua as gay)

So yes ! Killugon can be read as platonic. The queer community is just very adamant about people not dismissing Togashi’s subtext because HxH is the healthy, positive representation we need. It’s a beautiful piece of work that has the full potential (and who is most likely headed this way) to display a healthy, loving, positive canon gay relationship between two of its main characters. 

Showing that a shounen battle manga can feature a canon gay relationship, showing that you can be young and gay and what you thought was best friend behavior was maybe romantic and that it’s okay because feelings change and are hard to figure out especially when you’re young and queer !! 

And most importantly showing that unlike every portrayal of deep male best friends relationships in shounen anime that turn out to be painted as purely platonic, sometimes behaviors that queer people identify with ARE queer behavior, and not just platonic love, but romantic, homosexual love. 

[littlx-songbxrd]

okok here it is, i don't have a working title yet lol and i wrote the first like three paragraphs a year ago and only now finished it

but uh here it is ig (it's long so below the cut)

oh and i named the characters before i read chog believe it or not so there is no correlation lol

Prologue - Cordelia

May brings with it the memory of battles fought and won and the ever looming presence of a war not quite lost but certainly nowhere near done. As I hand out threadbare blankets around the flickering fires of the temporary war camp, I have to force my mind not to stray to all the people who should be here but are not. Well, the one person, really. I don’t allow myself to dwell, for I know that if I let my heart open to loss, there will be no hope at closing the hole left behind. No one here will tolerate that.

Yet no one criticizes Halen when she fumbles and breaks her fragile composure, storming out of the planning tent, the memories glistening in her eyes threatening to spill over. No, when it’s her, they rush to comfort her, to appease her, and they tell her to take all the time she needs. After all, has the poor girl not been through enough? they whisper pityingly as though we all haven’t lost others to this fight. But, of course, it’s not my place to comment on the actions of the mighty Chosen One. Even if she is my friend.

I look down to find my hands are empty. Tir has taken the last blanket from me without my noticing, and he’s settling down against his pack with his bare feet at the fire. I scowl; he isn’t allowed to speak against Halen either, despite being her older brother.

Heaving a sign, I slump down next to my friend and pull a corner of the blanket over myself. Tir shifts slightly so I can lean against his shoulder. We don’t speak. There are no words big enough to dispel the cloud of grief that hangs over us.

I know Tir is thinking of Zo today, just like he knows I’m thinking of Cherry.

Both of us, I’m sure, are also thinking that Halen ought to be here. She ought to be spilling those tears she always threatens and apologizing meaninglessly for deaths that aren’t her fault. Since when did she choose to be distant and calm? Couldn’t she at least have the decency to break down with the rest of us?

I scowl at a gecko as it skitters through the dirt toward the treeline to the west. I should say something to Halen. I should scream at her, sob at her, cry out until she understands that we need her as a friend, not just a commander.

My mind made up, I stand quickly, earning a confused stare from Tir. “Where are you off to?” he asks, his voice thick.

I shake my head. “Somewhere that isn’t here.”

He chuckles and reaches up to squeeze my hand. It’s enough. He was never one for many words.

I smile sadly down at him and set off to the eastern shore, where the purple and gold tents of the Eneris royal tents have been set up. Their fire and sun emblem shines bright on the tent flaps behind guards dressed in layers upon layers of robes and wraps and blankets. I scoff. The army settled just twenty yards away is shivering under thin blankets and dying fires while the royals and their company dine on mutton and venison. Not that I’ve come to expect anything else from them. They recruited Halen and built this army from the ground up—of course they believe themselves worthy of a few more precious coins exchanged for better conditions.

Even today, the first anniversary of Monvira’s troops storming villages and uprooting lives, they haven’t so much as acknowledged the flood of pain that’s sweeping through their army. I wonder if they even know what May first means to their people.

I stop mid-stride, staring straight ahead at the Strategy tent, where I know Halen spends most of her time these days.

It hits me: May first. The sky is clouded and the birds are silent, but it’s May first and no one bothered telling me that I forgot my birthday. Which was April thirtieth. No one noticed.

Weariness pushes at the back of my eyes, and I blink heavily against the tears blurring my vision. Memories from last year flood my mind as I turn and hurry towards Halen’s private tent. It bares the same colors and seal as the others.

I collapse on her bedroll and let out a single sob.

Last year, on the night of my birthday, Cherry had wrapped a blanket around us both as we stumbled back to our village after a whole day spent together at Renton Lake. She’d kissed my hand and twirled me toward the hut I shared with Halen, giggling in the moonlight, her dark unbound hair spilling over her shoulder like a waterfall of night. The memory rips through me, forcing another sob out of my quaking body.

The next morning, she’d been gone.

I’m not sure how long I lay there, my tears collecting in a pool around my head, but eventually the shaking subsides and leaves behind a solemn heaviness. Only when I hear the tent flap ruffle do I stir. There’s a small gasp, then: “Delia?”

Halen’s nickname for me only makes the smallest dent in my sorrow. I push myself to a sitting position, sure that my face is red and splotchy and my hair wild and tangled. All in all, I don’t blame her for looking taken aback. “Delia, what is it?” she gushes, crouching before me and taking my face in her hands. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

This is exactly what I wanted when I stormed in here. Now, I nearly laugh. It’s pathetic, really, all this time I’ve spent cleaning up after Halen, chasing her, thinking maybe she could do something that would fill the cavity growing inside me. I see it now, as her hazel eyes rake my face. “Nothing,” I tell her. Her thumbs are soft as they wipe away the tears that trickle down my cheeks. “Not anymore.” My voice is scratchy, and I push down against a wave of shame. I’m better than this. I’m better than breaking down in my friend’s plush tent. I’ve never been the emotional one—that was always Halen.

I wipe away my tears, feel myself stand and walk out of the tent, my mind still occupied with hazy revelations I’m too exhausted to fully pursue. There’s a feeling in my gut, the only one that matters right now, and it’s an overwhelming cry to get out.

The grass is silent under my feet as I walk, and I’m distantly aware of Halen calling after me. Her cries of “Wait!” and “What’s going on, Cordelia?” follow me, even after she stops.

I keep walking.

I don’t look back.

---

so uh yeah that's it 👉👈 i can give u the idea of the book if u want or you can just take this offering and run lol <33

Im gonna give you my unfiltered thoughts with no order or organization

REMEMBER ME WHEN YOURE RICH AND FAMOUS AND A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR

OMG IM GONNA GET TO BRAG I SAW THE PROLOGUE TO AN AWARD WINNING BOOK IN THE FUTURE HOLY SHIT

I DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS AND IM BILINGUAL

RENDERED ME SPEECHLESS IN TWO LANGUAGES GO YOU

SHE DIDNT EVEN REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY HOLY SHIT

LOOK I ADORE THE FEELINGA CORDELIA POTRAYED DURING THE ENTIRE PROLOGUE

LIKE HOW YOU WROTE IT IS JUST

I WANTED HER TO COME BREAKDOWN WITH THE REST OF US?????

NO IM SORRY IM HORRIBLE AT COMPLIMENTING EVERYTHING HERE IS BRILLIANT

1) i have a basis for how the crown is unfair (based on cordelias description) ALSO HOW CORDELIA DESCRIBED "i wasnt even sure if they knew what may 1 meant to their people" IDK BUT I LOVED HOW OT WAS WRITTEN. Its not explicit BUT LEAVES THE MESSAGE SAID

2) basis to whats going on? C H E C K

3) JUST HOW YOU WROTE CORDELIAS GRIEVE AND ESTABLISHED THE CHARACTER

Artie i've told you a million times but I adore your writting style, i always adored it BIT READING YOUR ORIGINAL WORK

I FEEL SO PROUD OF YOU?????

Your style is perfect

I WASNT LOST WHICH IS GOOD!

AND LEAVES ME WANTING FOR MORE

I DIDNT NOTICE BUT MY PHONE HAS LOW BATTERY SO IF I DONT REPLY AFTER THIS ITS THAT BUT TELL ME MORE PLS

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!