#and i dont give a fuck if this is mean in the slightest i truly wish a lot of people the worst.

[k3n-dyll]

I know I said I'd be inactive but I gotta rant like I'm at a point of pure rage and I'm not all the way sober rn. As a black woman? I feel betrayed. Like I have no clue why, but for some reason I had faith in y'all to come through and recognize that while Kamala isn't perfect by any means that a Trump presidency would likely mean wraps for all of us, but no. Every. Single. Group managed to fuck up aside from black men and women in this election.

What happens when the internet becomes so overruled with censorship that we can no longer share information about the causes we care about? The police are already over militarized and the oompa loompa that's been put up in office is fully ready to grant them immunity, meaning they would essentially be able to do whatever the fuck they want to us without consequence.

I mean let's be fucking real that immunity is going to affect my community at a disproportionate rate just in case you guys already forgot what those pigs like to do to us. And my community is also that main group of people that is out on the street riding for everybody when there's an issue so what's gonna happen now? Hm?

Black women have been saying for a good while that we should vote for the candidate who will let us keep doing the work we're trying to do. The one that we would be safe protesting and organizing under so that we can make change both in and outside of our community, for example, actually putting third-party candidates in STATE GOVERNMENTS so that when actual viable third parties run, they'll have some chance in the presidential election. Y'know because the Electoral votes and support from state governments are really what matters.

And I say ACTUAL viable third-party candidates because, let's be real once again, half the people who voted for Jill Stein didn't do research on her like they should have. That white lady has been a grifter this isn't news.

It's like...watching people just cling to the idea that some big revolution is going to start within the next year because of this is exhausting, especially when the vast majority of American citizens had not a fucking clue about Palestine, Sudan, or Congo until 2023. Unfortunately for us, this shit takes time and actual irl community building. These election results have only made what would have been difficult nearly impossible because people either want to stand on some moral high ground or for 'tax cuts' that they aren't eligible for because half of you bitches are poor just like the rest of us.

I'm fucking exhausted. My ancestors survived slavery, Jim Crow, red lining - we're still surviving and fighting for justice for victims of police brutality and I am so. Fucking. Tired of surviving shit because y'all can't think critically for two fucking seconds. It's like doing a group project but everyone else has a few pebbles in their skulls knocking around in there instead of brains.

[redr0sewrites]

Sub!Sanemi Thirst<3

🥀Cw: smut, dry humping, overstimulation, cursing, rough dom reader, sub space, begging

🥀 minors dni

Sanemi is such a whiner. He's all bark and no bite, he acts so strong and untouchable yet crumbles at the slightest grind of your hips against his! sanemi acts so mean, he truly thinks hes in charge at all times- that is, until your fucking him senseless. its almost pathetic, hes cursing you out with tears in his eyes yet hes taking your cock so well, sucking you in like hes addicted to you- and truly, he is.

Gag him, tie him down, slap him, bite him, ruin him. He needs it fast and rough and hard, and he needs it to hurt. Sanemi is never satisfied unless he has an assortment of marks to show off the next day, bite marks and scratches littering his chest alongside the scars he wears so proudly.

praise him, degrade him, it doesnt matter to sanemi. he just needs to hear you, to feel you, he just needs you. whether your overstimulating him until hes a babbling mess, screaming your name like a prayer, or whether your edging him until his voice is cracking and hes almost- almost- begging you to fuck him, sanemi needs you to talk him through it every step of the way.

dont treat him like glass, he can take anything you give him. push him to the ground, step on his dick and only let him get off by grinding against your shoe. it's humiliating, he'll fight it at first but the sight of the oh so strong wind pillar humping your shoe like a bitch in heat is always worth the complaints he will throw at you. and believe me, he will complain. sanemi will bitch and curse and shout at you, yet the second you gag him and grab his neck roughly hes putty in your hands.

i think sanemis head gets really hazy during sex very easily, hes the type to enter subspace pretty quickly. the more confusing and overstimulating you make it for him, the more blissed out he becomes. treat him harshly, fuck him rough until hes practically sobbing but sing the sweetest praises to him until hes babbling in confusion. he barely knows what he wants, his brain is just so fuzzy, he cant even think :( or, if you prefer, you can treat him sweetly, fuck him slow and soft and press little kisses to his scars while you worship his body until hes feeling hazy, then start spitting out the cruelest words. call him your whore, your slut, your bitch in heat, anything and everything that comes to mind. he can't determine the difference between pain and pleasure anymore, and in either case will turn into a helpless needy whore from the stark contrast of your words and actions.

"f-fuck you!" sanemi spat at you, trying to squirm away as you snickered. he didnt get far before your foot returned to his crotch, pressing down roughly against the bulge in his pants. "imagine what the others would think if they saw you right now," you smirked, looking down at him as you spoke. sanemi's eyes squeezed shut at your words, and his hips bucked up instinctively against the toe of your boot as you applied pressure to his clothed dick. "oh? do you want them to see you? who knew, the mighty wind pillar is such a whore. grinding like a bitch in heat against my shoe." you sneered, moving your foot to press a little higher and sanemi whimpered. "ngh- shit" sanemi gasped out, hands clawing at the carpet as he desperately chased the friction you were supplying. you paused at the sound, looking down at his flushed face. his bare chest was heaving, and his hair was ruffled as he looked up at you, eyes already glazing over in pleasure. the eye contact made his cock twitch, and you began to move your foot ever so slightly. sanemi let out a choked moan, throwing his head back and bucking his hips again to grind against your shoe. "awww, your doing so good for me baby~ such a good boy, getting off like a little whore on my boot for me. your so pretty baby, such a needy little thing!" sanemi let out a sob at your words, his whole body tensing as the grinding of his hips grew more sporadic as his orgasm approached. he was humping your foot desperately, tears forming on his lashline as need began to ivercome his dignity. "fuck fuck fuck fu-unhhggh" he moaned desperately, the pleasure clouding his mind and making him feel all floaty. he could feel his release about to form, yet at the last second you pulled away. why were you being so mean? sanemi let out a soft sob at the loss of contact, and you cooed, moving to straddle him as you wiped tears from his face. his head was so hazy, he couldn't think straigh, not with the feeling of you pressing against his painfully hard cock. sanemi's hips jolted upright, dry humping you as he grinded desperately, begging for release. you smirked yet again, pinning his hips down and forcing his movements to a stop. fuck, you couldn't wait to ruin him

BARK BARK BARK I NEED HIM SO BAD IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH SHAKING THE BARS OF MY CAGEEE URGHRHH THIS MANNNNNN

[princessbrunette]

being sarah’s bff equals lots n lots of girlie nights !! so, of course, you’re comfortable enough to prance around tannyhill in short shorts n lil lacy camis after years of spending days n nights there !!

you’ve always thought of rafe as sarah’s mean big brother, nothing more n nothing less, so you tend to avoid him. he’s intimidating, yk !! besides, sarah’s warned you about staying away - “he ruins everything” she claims.

but rafe? rafe swears you know exactly what you’re doing when you’re roaming the halls in your shorts and cami that don’t leave a whole lot to his imagination, but then he gets you alone & realizes you really don’t have the slightest idea about what you’re doing :( so, he’s gotta teach you a lesson about wearing that shit around his house, right?

(also, please may i be 🐋 or 🍇 anon? pls n thank uu <3)

ᡣ𐭩 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

sarah’s fast asleep in her humid bedroom, and you were too — before the loud credit music to the 2000s girly rom com you were watching woke you up. you were disorientated, warm, sitting up and squinting in the dark with a dry throat. you figured everyone would be in bed right now, it would be fine if you snuck down the stairs in your little pink lace cami and shorts to fetch yourself a drink.

he must’ve heard you go down, because there’s no way it was a coincidence that rafe appeared in the doorway, watching you down a glass of water, elbows leaning casually against the counter as you chug it down, practically bent over. he eyed you unabashedly, strolling over to the fridge beside you checking out your ass before turning to pull out a beer, cracking it open.

“you should be asleep.” he drawls, deadpan. he was never the conversationalist.

you pull your lips away from the glass, panting a little — mouth wet and breathless, making his dick twitch. “i was asleep. just got thirsty.” you turn to him politely, clearly having no idea how slutty you looked when you reach your fingers up to wipe the water droplets off your bottom lip and chin. you miss a drip, and it trails down your neck and chest. his eyes follow it.

“hm.”

“why can’t i be awake? does the kitchen close at midnight?” you smile, and it’s friendly, lighthearted even but his jaw ticks none the less, turning his attention to you as he takes a sip of beer, afterwards setting it down on the counter.

“no, just not used to having people roam around my house so late. ‘specially uh, especially not dressed like that.” he nods down at your get up in disapproval and you frown, looking down at yourself.

“these are my pyjamas?”

“those are two scraps of fabric.” he retorts, turning back to the fridge to close it after having left it open.

“whats wrong with them?” you tilt your head, all innocent like a kicked puppy and he actually has no idea if it was all an act or if you were truly this naive. he was looking forward to finding out.

“whats wrong with— okay, first of all— i shouldn’t have to come into my kitchen and see my little sisters best friends ass cheeks fallin’ out of her shorts.”

“s’not just your kitchen.” you interject sulkily, looking down at your feet. he steps closer with an impatient squint, gesturing around.

“you see anyone else around? my dad? no. i’m the man of the house now, alright? you’re a guest here, so you should really be listening to me.”

you look up at him, eyes glassy and doe like. it pauses him in his tracks, giving you the chance to speak.

“why’re you so mean to me, rafe? i actually don’t mind you that much, even despite the things sarah says.” you pout. he licks his lips, looking away with a sigh as he composes himself.

“well you’re smart not to listen to that girl. she’s fucking… she’s sarah.” he rolls his eyes, bringing a hand to his forehead to rub at it like he did when he was frustrated. “and i dont dislike you, okay?” he enunciates each consonant. “if i didn’t like you i would let you do whatever the hell you want ‘cos i wouldn’t give a shit. alright? i want you to be better. do well. s’why i gotta…” he gently places hands on your hips, waiting for any objections or resistance before turning you around to face the counter after being met with none. “i gotta guide you, yeah? teach you a lesson.” with that, he presses a hand on your back, gently easing you down to bend over the counter.

“what are you doin’, rafe? sarah’s upstairs.”

“i really… really don’t care.”

ᡣ𐭩 ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

[sleuthie]

Do you like the official wayne family adventures? It has everything any batfam fan would want.....But sometimes I feel like they all kinda have the same personality.....shouldn't dick be with titans or starfire....why is he back with Bruce?

EDIT: REMINDER THIS IS MY OPINION. IT IS NOT A DISCUSSION OR ARGUMENT.

It’s what tumblr fanon fans who actively go out of their way to shit on comics wants. To be precise. I’ve been shitting on the behavior of some truly awful people on here for like several years so if anyone reading this is surprised and offended. I don’t care.

No I really don’t like it. The better personalities are the girls really. But even then it’s not great. The boys and Bruce especially are full copy and paste. But honestly that’s the only way they can get what they want to work without digging too deep

That’s kinda the main problem I have with it and many others who do that it’s very surface level fluff rather than actually challenging the “angst” in the comics. I’m only putting it in quotes because to some angst is when it isn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time.

I don’t think it has a good argument, for lack of a better word (still works I just want a different one that I can’t remember rn) for being what it is. And also creating that weirdly rancid, occasionally violent and pretentious fanbase that accuses comic fans of doing that no matter what they say or do. Like some people suck but you dont need essays when people point out flaws in WFA. Of which it has some pretty obvious ones. Aside from batfam characterization their Talia characterization just rubs me the wrong way. Like I know it’s been worse but it’s just not giving what it should.

I think dickbabs is supposed to be canon there or at least people act like it. Idk a lot of their reactions can still read platonic which is why WFA readers try to say it’s batcest. If that answers your starfire question. Technically this should be set at a time where dick wasn’t fully friends with the titans again. Although it’s an au, they could probably just fix that for their obscenely happy go lucky attitude

But if you’re asking why starfire and Roy should be far away from the outlaws title, you’d be right. You can call me dramatic but it was lowkey shitty of them to include them considering the damage it did to their characters. Especially Kory.

Yeah dick should be actually independent. But again it’s family fluff over solid characterization so the umbilical cord isn’t cut yet

It’s negatively effecting comics too. Pushing that coffee Tim bullshit, “feral” Damian, and emotional support dick. The Damian one pisses me off most of all because they really had him pull a knife in a formal affair out of annoyance when that boy was raised an AL GHUL until he went to Bruce. Like if he’s drawing a knife it’s for a formalized duel. Not on an unwitting old woman. But even then I’m not sure I’m forgiving.

Oh and DUKE. Duke gets his own paragraph. Jesus fucking Christ did they do him dirty. Absolute boring cardboard cut out of a child. That also gets mildly sidelined for a comic that began with his narration. I get it’s a group thing but like why did some chapters seem to forget about him completely when they stripped him of every ounce of personality to turn him into a reader insert? God I hate it

There’s a lot of problems with it but apparently when you talk about it you’re in for a “let people enjoy things” lecture from someone who doesn’t actually let people enjoy things. I mean some WFA stans cry webtoon if you talk about the slightest amount of negativity. Claiming they need to be healed. Idk with what because WFA is basically a placebo of a comic

[snobgoblin]

Soooooooo... saw you exploring the concept of "who knows about Danny's patron" once more

and connecting back to my lucio's reaction ask [here], I thought about how all the M6 would react to that knowledge

I'm also gonna link you talking about this and this bc i feel like it's related :3

THANK YOU FOR LINKING i really appreciate that a lot ill also link this one that I've posted since I got this ask

ok so I'm gonna list them and explain when they figure it out and how they react to it then (i am eepy so sorry if this seems disjointed but hey we don't choose when the spark comes do we AND I might redo these later if I think of more well thought out answers later)

Asra

They definitely had their suspicions after he was able to break those chains and bind The Devil but it didn't truly click with him until Danny got his familiar. then he was just kind of like... ohhh. okay that makes sense. he doesnt see it as a negative thing, he's very open minded- especially when it comes to magic and its mysterious ways. basically just... gestures at this fic. it's something he knows quite a bit before Danny does but he lets him figure it out himself, and theyre patient with him because they understand it must be hard to learn you're associated with the guy that quite literally tried to fuck everything up. they do actually see it as a positive thing. like, a challenge in his perspective which he always enjoys, if that makes any sense. in conclusion it doesn't put him off in the slightest even though Danny thinks it really should

Nadia

its hard to say because it's not something she's necessarily looking for. she's a smart lady! she just doesn't have the familiarity with Tarot that say, Asra does, so she doesn't necessarily have the knowledge to put it together besides the card games she would play with her sisters as a kid- and even then that was a completely different deck. that being said her intuition game is insane so she has a *feeling*. you know. she knows there's more to him than there appears to be but I don't think it'd click until he came to her with that information. and- something to note is Danny's associations with this card- well they aren't great. he's only an apprentice after all and he doesn't quite get the nuances completely yet. he has very black and white thinking at times. so he himself takes this as a very negative thing- especially considering everything The Devil has done to everyone. so he's kind of a nervous wreck telling her this but he trusts her and feels like she should know. anyway how Nadia takes it is. kind of like "oh I just knew Lucio was too incompetent to be associated with him" like it makes a lot of sense to her. Danny's smart! so was The Devil. Lucio is well... Lucio. Nadia would also have quite a bit of wisdom about it I think. she really kind of grounds him in that way when he's torn up over it I guess. she's just kind of like "well. destiny is a nice thought but you do have free will so dont worry about this meaning youre secretly evil. youre just Danny and you always will be" i think she's said things in a similar vain before. ALSO ALSO her choice for his masquerade outfit ended up making more sense in hindsight. she does have a feel for these things sometimes without realizing it... like giving Lucio a dog mask. I feel like I did a whole lot of yapping and said a whole lot of nothing with this one. point is she takes it with grace and its not something she's worried about or shocked by

Julian

I'm struggling here because it's not a belief system he seems to be super invested in. sure he asks for a tarot reading in the prologue but he's always been more of a science guy and he quite literally doesn't know magic when he's staring it in the cauldron- so I don't know exactly how he would process this information? (as for how he learns- he's absolutely not figuring this out himself so Danny comes to him with this) and for the reason of confusion I feel like he'd take it the hardest. Danny's worried and Danny's a skilled magician, right? he really knows what hes talking about. so this has GOT to be bad, or he wouldn't be so worked up, right? and i mean, The Devil is the bad guy in so many fables. what's going to happen to him? is there any way they can stop it? should they just give up trying and stop worrying and give into their "true nature" (woohoo hanged man trait) whatever that means? he doesnt know. he doesnt know how this magic system works. he just tells Danny not to worry about it, just ignore it, but he does plenty of worrying for the both of them. walks on eggshells for a bit. keeps making accidental goat puns and putting his foot in his mouth. goes to Asra for advice. Asra tells him to chill the fuck out. you know how it is

Muriel

he's not... surprised when Danny comes to him. he's known for forever, because of his prophetic visions. he just gave up telling him because he always forgot anyway, and he didn't tell Asra because he didn't want them to take it the wrong way. but it's always something that made him... wary of Danny. he's had dreams of him absorbing The Devil's heart and taking over the world (vision of Lucios reversed end) and he's had visions of he and Asra being stranded in another dimension after making a deal with him (Asras reversed end) ...but he's also had visions of him sailing the world with Julian. or hell, even finding safety with Muriel himself. he's really wary because he doesn't quite know what to expect from him and it makes him nervous- not necessarily because he's The Devil, just, in general, but that association definitely doesn't put him at ease considering Lucio's obsession with him. Muriel hates goats because of it. but, when Danny comes to him he's just kind of like "I know" which catches him off guard and he's just kind of like "didn't see the point in telling you" which Danny's like okay fair, however-

Portia

oh she thinks it's so cool when Danny tells her. she already thought it was cool he came back from the dead (i believe the words she used were "zombie magician") and she treats it like one of her romance novels with the tortured and mysterious love interest. she's just like oh. well now you're even more charming. like a vampire. youre more complex now. WHICH IS NOT HOW DANNY THOUGHT SHED REACT. but she does think it's super cool (her only context for what The Devil is is, The Goat Guy so she sees it as like. you were supposed to be his henchman and then you weren't. if that makes sense) he insists that this isn't a good thing and she insists that he could literally murder someone and she would still love him (platonically or romantically!)

Lucio

JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS he really did identify with that card and he's devastated to learn it's not actually his and he got a "lame" card instead. but it does piss him off a lot because he hates being, what he perceives to be anything but "one of a kind" or "first place" at anything. why does he wanna be a card that sounds like such an insult when he could be a cool goat instead? it's no fair! he would call Arcana managers if he could but instead he settles for- depending on the route either chokes out a "congratulations" which surprises Danny or, if it's Lucio's route, he figures oh well if you can't be em date em. little does he realize just how special his own card is. because he's. well he's stupid. anyway he'd be lying if he said it didn't make him love Danny more

god I hope that makes sense it is 1 am LTDYDLLYDYRYL THIS WAS FUN THANK YOU

[aztarion]

HI. 10/11 i actually don't know what route Deva is on💔 fake fan. also 7 and 15 👀

HI JULES!! omg no i dont think i ever mentioned it dont worry im actually not even 100% set on what i have at the moment either BUT lets go on an adventure 🫴

10. If on the Bobby route, did your detective and Bobby kiss? Unwanted or Wanted? How is your detective dealing with this? And how do you think M will react once they find out?

But but but… Dev is my messy chaos child of course she kissed Bobby 🤦‍♀️

its a complicated situation and theres a rat-king tangle of emotions she doesn’t want to even begin to parse through knotting in her chest and stomach after the carnival w Mason and what she overhears from him back at the warehouse. she didn’t particularly DESIRE to kiss Bobby (but the girl lying in bed w her cat and 18 kirbies cackling evilly and choosing whatever’s funniest did shh) but they have a history and hes easy and she has steam to blow off and destructive habits to engage and the devil you know, you know. if there’s one thing about Deva she does not let things go and she will get even after taking the slightest hit to her ego, as shitty as that sounds 😭 zero emotional regulation . so yeah she initiates the kiss 🕴️

she is meh towards bobby in general (thinks hes funny in ‘i hate my job and this nosey ass reporter i used to fw in college adds a little entertainment’ way) but doesn’t regret the kiss in terms of feeling bad with regards to mason. wildly, she went into book 3 with a good relationship with bobby (truly chaotic exes) despite being a huge bitch in book 1 to him so he did NOT bring up the kiss to mason which she had forgot all about until that point. i would say thats when it starts to weigh on her subconscious a little, an uncomfortable niggling that she suppresses with her usual vices and louder simpler thoughts and feelings. im hoping thats not the end of it and that it does get brought up again just to make her squirm hehe

7. What does your detective think of the glimpse of M’s past and their “not guilty” judgment?

dev has an eerie sixth sense for weird shit and a knack for springing into action at pivotal and intense moments, but putting effort into dissecting and finding meaning in these strange situations is not her specialty so she doesnt bother. what she sees hardly makes sense to her at that moment other than the real flesh-and-blood-not-mirror Mason is on his knees in pain so um yeah she fucking shoots the mirror LMAO. crazy ass

later when its mentioned that what was playing out was Masons past, she feels sympathetic for sure — it looked like torture and experimentation to her, plus later when she gets another piece of the puzzle that M purposefully chose to have their memories wiped, she figures thats precisely why. having something like that haunting you, especially for an eternity as a vampire, would for sure fuck you up and she’d do the same.

as for the not guilty verdict, well she barely listened to Falk 😭 but she’d believe it. even if mason went beast mode and killed everyone in that room, it looked like they deserved it to her, and she has off-kilter morals and a twisted sense of justice anyway to put it lightly (capt sung was off the shits on his 8th line of coke with jeremy fragrance and mayor friedman on the day he promoted this woman in law enforcement I can tell u that much . Had to be)

15. What is your detective’s relationship with Rebecca like? If they saw the conversation that she has with M before the end of Book 2, what would they think?

BAD!! oh so so bad. *slaps devas head* this oc can pack so many grudges and let absolutely nothing go, ever . i delve a bit away from canon with her backstory and give an extra L to rebecca to keep secret and feel guilty about — in dev’s early childhood, after rooks death but before her 7th bday, rebecca permitted the agency to wipe a memory from deva which was of an imaginary friend that actually wasn’t imaginary and in fact a supernatural 🏃‍♀️ i go into that a lot more in the fic im writing and what it does to their relationship when dev finds out so ill spare details cuz this is long as hell already.

for the talk with Mason, god im fuzzy on it atm but if i remember right becky stays in her lane 😤 thats another thing that drives dev insane, is Rebecca thinking she can suddenly just involve herself in her personal life because theyre working together now. much too little far too late. rebecca is less than a stranger to her as far as deva is concerned and she is extremely harsh and unforgiving (which if mishka doesnt, i will make come back and bite dev in the ass bc truth be told i do like Rebecca as a character hehe)

thank you jules <33 you have GOT to rb one of these things some day so i can poke and prod about your love triangle menace 😤

[causenessus]

[ 💌 ] INCOMING MAIL !

A LETTER FROM REE — TO — NESS HAS ARRIVED BY CARRIER PIGEON ♡ °⋆ 🕊️🕊️🕊️📮

ANYONE WHO ISNT NESS DNI DNR DO NOT LOOK. SCROLL AWAY I’M ABOUT TO GO TO SAPTOWN AND I AM EMBARRASSED THESE ARE MY DEMONS DO NOT PERCEIVE ME OR THIS ASK EVER. THIS IS FOR ONE PERSON ONLY. AND IT’S SUPER LONG ! YOU DONT WANT TO SEE THIS OR READ IT. LEAVE. THE DOOR IS THAT WAY.

ask/note: the last time I logged on I saw that you weren’t doing so well and attempted to write a suna + noya how they comfort you style fic and failed…MISERABLY. this is probably late and might not be of any use to you but the ghost of letters came over me and it’s spirit is whispering in my ear to write this (it’s my forte: letters, and I’m sure I could do it way better than writing when writers block is hitting more than it’s ever…. hitteth ,,,, <- ignore that)

dear ness,

first of all ! when I say you’re THE sweetest I mean it, so so so genuinely. you exude warmth and kindness and I truly believe without you tumblr would be a dull and soulless platform

second of all ! whenever you say something self deprecating about yourself I feel like knocking someone out. deep desires to harm someone or break something and just violence. crimes of some kind

I KNOW IT MIGHT NOT SET IN FOR YOU BUT IF I NEED TO SAY IT 100x FOR IT TO SEEP INTO YOUR BRAIN PROPERLY I WILL!! I KNOW YOU’RE AN OVERTHINKER!! I’M GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND WHILE YOU OVERTHINK!!

there is nothing you’ve put out that I’ve ever disliked in the slightest if not loved entirely — when you said wdo inspires a lot of try again, to say I’m honored is a huge understatement and I believe you are out of everyone’s league; you’re an incredible writer and we don’t deserve you (I’m glad we have you though)

besides your writing, I cannot imagine a world nor a universe where I would enjoy tumblr as much as I do without you existing. I hate to mention wdo so much but it’s hard not to seeing that it was the first time we properly interacted sorry 😭 ..by the time I got to working in that fic I didn’t feel like I belonged on here and you made me feel welcomed :) I don’t think I would still be here or have met everyone that I did without you and I can’t ever thank you enough — you are kind and down to earth and so considerate, and I would give you the world if I could <333

third, last but not least, IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE AT YOUR BEST ! if you need a break we’ll be here when you come back !! you were the catalyst that made tumblr my home and if the apocalypse happened and wiped out everyone on the planet I’d be the last one standing — my motivation to survive was to be there for every causenessus post

IT IS NORMAL TO NOT UPLOAD EVERY DAY OR UPDATE FICS !! EVEN PUBLISHED AUTHORS GO MONTHS WITHOUT TOUCHINGN A PIECE OF WORK !! FANFICTION AUTHORS SHOULD BE SPARED!! ESPECIALLY YOU!! you’ve grinded and given us all these great fics, anyone impatient can take that time to go and reread ur other works instead of complain, I’m sure cold kisses and new grounds wouldn’t mind

I hope that no matter what happens outside of this silly little app: ur aware that my dms are open 24/7 and I mean that when I say it. It won’t require an apology or small talk — if you need to vent or a boredom cure I’ll always be here !!! always !!! I’m a no judgement zone and I CARE ABOUT YOU IMMENSELY AND I WANT YOU TO DO WELL ! I WANT YOU TO BE WELL ! I pray this letter feels like a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep with handmade chocolates from and a real sized suna placing it down there to give you the biggest hug of the century because it’s the bare fucking minimum for all the hard work you do (and before you say anything about slacking off, living is hard work — and I think you’ve done a spectacular job <3) ! this ask is the longest I’ve ever sent I think I set a record 🙂‍↕️ at the very least I hope it made you smile :)

with all my love,

ree.

REE THE MOODBOARD???? THE PICTURES???? REE I AM GOING TO SCREENSHOT THIS AND FRAME IT ON MY WALL /GEN I DON'T WORK IN FRAMING FOR NOTHING!! THIS IS SO SO SWEET <3 AND DW OMG :( THANK YOU FOR TRYING TO WRITE COMFORT AND IT'S TOTALLY OKAY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT!! (i am looking at the five discarded fics in my drafts rn)

ree i cannot i'm going to throw up /pos and i've only read the first paragraph!! REE I THINK YOU'RE OUT OF EVERYONE'S LEAGUE <3 you are genuinely so so sweet and creative and just have the most beautiful mind ever the way that you put so much effort and creativity and imagination into every single thing you do like look at this letter!! look at how you formatted it and matched color palettes and i just cannot tell you how thankful i am for you thank you so much ree <3

and omg no don't worry about mentioning wdo too much at all!! REE IT WAS SO GOOD I COULD NEVER NOT BE HAPPY TO SEE A REFERENCE OR READ SOMETHING ABOUT WDO!! and i'm so so glad that i could help you feel more welcome BC YOU'RE LITTERALLY OUT OF ALL OF OUR LEAGUES!!! IT'S LIKE IF I?? IDK LIKE OPENED THE DOOR AND GREETED UMMMMMMM TOM HOLLAND AT THE DOOR?? AND TREATED HIM LIKE A STRANGER AND THEN HE WALKED INTO THE PARTY AND BUSTED IT DOWN AND EVERYONE LIKE KNEW HIM AND CHEERED HIM ON YK??? like you are so amazing!!! you didn't need an introduction you just needed to come into the haikyuu fandom and bless us all with your writing yk !! (i'm so sorry i cannot find the words in my head to describe my vision for what i'm trying to tell you and i have no idea why tom holland was the first person that came to mind but i hope you get what i mean!!!)

and omg please ree thank you so much for reminding me of how okay it is to take breaks and not post everyday <33 you are so so sweet and i hope that you've been doing well after taking your breaks and everything!! i am so sorry it took me so long to get to this BUT I AM SO HONORED TO HAVE RECEIVED THIS LETTER AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM JUST NOW SEEING YOU MOVED BLOGS?? BUT I THINK I FOUND IT AND WILL BE FOLLOWING IT ASAP AS SOON AS I FINISH SAP YAPPING IN THIS ASK!!!

ree i cannot tell you how thankful i am for all of our interactions and the memories we've made and for helping me with the stupid "a (technically an)" or "my" struggle during the makings of love notes and for literally just always being there for me!! please know my dms and everything are always always open to you too and i love you so much!! i hope you see this despite already moving blogs 😭 and i'm so sorry i'm just now finding out about it!!!! but you are the literally the best ree i am so thankful for you <33

[safetycar-restart]

I am clawing my way here out of a grave because 🍄 anon said wag!seb (which! by the way! hello hello welcome AND youre so big brained) and i hath awoketh and now yall get to suffer the consequences 

So i was ALSO thinking wag!seb (surprise 🙄) but with a non-driver seb? So like you've been together for quite some time but you know he doesnt like the spotlight so you dont try to drag him to the paddock and generally try to keep things as private as possible. You dont mind in the slightest, truly, plus it means when you're home you can completely forget about your work and just exist in this airtight bubble with seb and listen to him rumble on about fixing one of the beehives or the new sort of tomatoes your neighbours are trying to breed.

Except, you think—i mean, you wouldnt trade your bubble, or seb, for that matter, for anything, but sometimes—sometimes—it just looks like it wouldve been nice to have him there for a race once in a while, you know? Because you look at other drivers rushing to their partners after a session or coming to the track together or waiting around by the car to drive them back to the hotel and. It's not—bad, or anything, it's just, you spend so much time on the road, away from home, and of course facetime exists but still. 

It just gets lonely, sometimes.

The thing is, seb is not blind, either; he might miss the first time your face gets all full of longing when you tell him about valtteri and tiffany, might rule it out as a coincidence the second time when you show him the pictures alex and lilly asked you to take of them, but he is not an idiot. He doesn't want to impose and waits for you to bring it up—it's your workplace, after all, he is not about to just invite himself over—but you never do, so eventually he gives up and asks you if you maybe might let him come to a race?

Which leads to an awkward conversation consisting mostly of "are you sure?—are you sure?—i thought you didn't want—i thought you didnt want to—" but you figure it out and you're honestly so relieved because you were due for another triple-header and to have seb come to a race would be such a treat.

And then the reality starts to think in for seb and he just gets so adorably anxious? He is meeting your team! Your mechanics! Theyre your home away from home! He just wants them to like him so much, because youre the best and they know youre the best and he just, he wants to prove he measures up. Get the Seal of Approval as your partner.

He doesn't listen to any of your assurances that he will be fine, that you're sure everyone will love him. He bullies the oven in the apartment you rent for the race week into baking his braided bread perfectly. He tries on four different shirts and eventually gives up and makes you choose the one he wears. You dont think you've seen him like this since he met your parents.

(It goes very well, of course, everyone absolutely loves him, he is a bit tired and overwhelmed but seems to be having a good time. You're both very happy it worked out.)

(He starts going to races after that; not a lot of them, but he tries to at least hit the triple headers so you dont have to stay apart for so long. He keeps making braided bread for your side of the garage; it's a big hit)

- Lemon 💜🍋

P s sorry i havent been around a lot lately life is insane will be back asap! Mwah love you all

Right ok, firstly we all need to praise 🍄 anon for bringing 🍋 back!!!!!! We've all been trying to use smoke signals to attract 🍋 anon out of their cave but 🍄 just fucking lit the beacons of Gondor.

Seb is really just living his best cottage core life? You have a wholeass cottage in the forest with some animals and vegetable gardens and seb manages the whole place. You have your own little bubble every time you come home, away from cameras and prying eyes.

You aren't an F1 driver at home. You're just seb's helper and partner and you love it so much.

Just gonna go on about your time at home for a little bit: Seb gets so much joy from showing you all the things he does at home while you're away? And you just spend entire afternoons curled up together in the sun, feeding the animals and watering the plants and having sex on a picnic blanket outside.

And Seb loves that you respect his desire for privacy enough to never expect him to come to races or to try post him on social media.

Speaking of social media, everyone is so beyond confused about your personal life. Because like, sometimes you'll post pictures of home grown tomatoes and alpaca's on your insta stories and sometimes you'll post cute pictures sitting in the grass surrounded by pets but they have no idea what you do on your time off? You just drop off the face of the earth when it is isn't a race weekend and sometimes post a random vegetable with no explanation.

They all think you're single, by the way.

Which is hilarious because you couldn't be less single.

But you can't deny that you miss seb sometimes. It's not that you want to show him off, because you know and understand that will never be for him. But you see other drivers having their partners sitting in their garages and cheering for them and hugging them when a race goes wrong and you just... you want that? You want to have seb there to support you sometimes.

Because absolutely no one supports you like seb.

Coming home to homemade banana bread on the counter and your dogs sprinting to say hello and seb shouting from the bathroom that he's getting the bath ready and has the wine poured is the best thing in the world.

Seb starts to see that too.

And I think the moment he decided he had to ask if you wanted him there was when he was watching a quali session (He never misses any races or qualis or FPs by the way), and you crashed? And then when you were back in the garage, the camera showed you sitting alone, staring into space and seb's heart broke because there was no one there to hug and comfort you?

Then he realised that's his job. He should be there.

Except seb doesnt actually think that you'd instantly agree and then tell you that you never asked because you were sure he didn't want it??

Of course he's terrified.

And honestly it's not the cameras and public that he's scared of. He really couldn't care less what the public think of him or how many people take pictures of him.

What he's terrified about is meeting your team? Because you literally see them more than you see your family. In many ways, they are your family. He knows that if they dont like him then you will struggle so much to bring him to races and to see him as a support person.

And he wouldn't be able to stand that, because the whole reason why he wants to go is because you do so much for him and he desperately wants to be there for you.

So of course he doesnt listen to your reassurances. He knows you love him, but what about the mechanics? The engineers? The media personal?

Obviously he must solve this problem by baking bread. Bread solves all problems.

He's actually overwhelmed by how much the team loves him? The entire team would die for him the moment he arrives and seems to know absolutely everything about him because you're always talking about him.

So yeah it's a little overwhelming but honestly it's all worth it when he can give you a hug the moment you step out the car. And then maybe you get a podium? And of course the whole team pushes him to the front of the barrier for the podium celebrations and he gets a hug and a kiss in front of everyone!!!

He still doesnt attend too many races, because honestly he's made to be your cottage core husband and not to be in front of cameras too much. But he cherishes each and every time he goes with you.

And he ends up with an unofficial rule that every time you're away for more than 2 weeks, he comes to visit. Even if he doesnt attend a race, he'll just fly in and say hello and give you a kiss and some homemade granola.

[prince-tulip]

Im so sorry for what I've done...im trying to be a better person, its just hard when all I want to do is fix everything ive ever broken. Trying to grow and understand these horrible illnesses, impairments or injuries, whatever life may throw at me. Its a journey im trying to bring to an end..i want a beautiful life..

The bitterness is something i still struggle with, maybe it plays into my life, more than i wanna admit, the guilt and shame i feel in those situations alone makes me want to die. The unrelenting feeling of emptiness topped with a conflicting sense of invalidation. God, it is so ugly to feel..disgusting completely. I am disgusted with myself. I have a need for filling roles for people that i feel obligated to fill, its about that shame. Its about not knowing how to let go what needs to be let go because you dont understand what letting go is. Its about not giving into nostalgia. Not seeking validation in something that can no longer give you that, not falling in to bad habits or abusing drugs, abusing alchohol, abusing, sex, porn, anger, depression, hate, impulsiveness, just things that hurt you..im trying to be clean..im trying to break free..theres a big picture im trying to paint, im focused on me and trying to just be good to others.

I can be alone, i can be who i need to be right now to find who i will be later. Im strong and steadfast. I love you, all of you, anyone who ever was there or will be. Past, present and future. Im coming to terms, one day.

The pain was real, its real. The realization of my wrongs are real, the achingly painful emptiness is real. I need to feel it and face it. Face the realization. The realization that i mirror othed people. That i don't give people boundaries or myself.

The realization of it all...how was i so detached, so careless...i can blame it on all i can but it doesn't mean i didn't do anything..doesn't take away from the false reality i was living in, that i didn't understand that it literally tore me apart, changed me to hurt loved ones, its as if i wanted to get to a point to where i was so crazy and so fucked up. Split personality, split reality, split fucking brain, filled with contradictions and fears, making any kind of decision is aweful, it makes me change as a person, like i will die or the worst possible event will happen, it is unrelenting. Theres so many ways that i didnt know how to function without living in destruction. Was it my bpd? Was it my autism? Was it my anxiety? Was it the cognitive distortion? Or was it whatever defense mechanisms i made up in my head?...why wasn't i a better person to people i truly love? Or am i just not a capable of living normally with normal relationships?

Im in deep pain and i can only try to be a better person from here..thats all i can do, there's not much time left. I could die tomorrow. Which i act scared in that regard but i also have always had a weird feeling of relief in the thought of dying instantly, anywhere or anyway, whatever time or place.

Selfish, i know. Its too easy right? If i always thought about how i deserve nothing but punishment then why would i wish to die? For that would just bring peace.

My brain almost undoubtedly would go "oh thank goodness now i don't have to make that phone call now" and laugh with a hint of irony. Nervous in way of course as well. For why shouldn't i be? For if there was a heaven or hell, I do not in the slightest know where i would go. Probably somewhere in between if i had to guess.

[georgiamarlene]

I posted 104 times in 2022

That's 71 more posts than 2021!

2 posts created (2%)

102 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@perfectquote

@quotefeeling

@ithadtobethemoon

I tagged 8 of my posts in 2022

#thoughts - 4 posts

#vintage - 3 posts

#marilyn monroe - 3 posts

#writing - 3 posts

#old hollywood - 3 posts

#deep feelings - 2 posts

#classic hollywood - 2 posts

#1950s - 2 posts

#50s - 2 posts

#personal - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 28 characters

#fighting for my fucking life

My Top Posts in 2022:

#2

Sometimes when I tend to doubt myself, not my worth, my whole self, my sole being.. I have a little voice on top of the voice that is doubting myself trying to talk over that loud voice saying all the negative, hurtful words. That little voice is shouting nothing but positivity and encouragement, a sarcastic ray of fucking sunshine, if you will. That little voice is trying to be heard..

Do you know what I mean?

Like in the movies, when you see a character trying to get to their loved one in a busy, loud crowd, and as much as they try and try to push through, climb over the crowd, yell, scream at the top of their lungs to just be heard and reach out to their loved one, the crowd effortlessly swallows them whole, they never reached their goal. It’s over in a matter of seconds and the screen fades to black..

Thats how I feel when I doubt myself, my whole self, my sole being..

I would always figure a way to rise above that crowd, I would come up with a strategic plan to overcome and win the battle.I would never let my own thoughts get the best of me. But, as of lately, I feel myself getting pushed back with every step that I take & it equals to being stuck in the same place. The dark place where I loath being.

I cant come up with a plan, no matter how hard I try. I find myself not wanting to push through or scream for my sanity. I’m comfortable with sinking and letting my positivity get swallowed whole.

That little voice that is yelling for me to get up and keep going, to stop being so sad and lost, that what I’m feeling will pass, just please just fucking get up and move your ass forward, buy yourself a coffee, put on your music and dance this bullshit away..

Well, that little voice, shes fading..

& I don’t know how to get her back..

Do I want her back?

I should, right?

She’s gotten me through so much. She’s the one that truly knows my being the most..

Sage can’t fix this, oracle cards cant give me the slightest clue..

This is more than magic, more than my astrology sign..

I need to look deeper, into myself..

But thats when I’m ready..

& I’m not ready yet, little voice.

But please, don’t leave me; I need you..

0 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Have you ever felt non-existent? Not in the way that everyone does, not to someone else, or to the world; but to yourself.

That feeling is something of a blessing and a curse to me. Sometimes feeling non existent to myself feels like I’m giving myself a break from my body, emotions, life, spirit, thoughts… You know what I mean. It feels like a reset at times.

Now, when it feels like a curse.. it’s the worst. It happens at the most inappropriate times too. It happens at the times when I really need to be present, when I really need to show up for myself, listen, talk, show I care.. Thats when it happens.

Then I get called a Bitch, or told that I dont care and I’m cold..

But, if they only knew the battles I deal with daily within myself.. Then they would understand.

Have I been feeling non existent to myself lately? Yes. Do i hate it? At times. Have I been doing anything to change it? No. Why? Because I’m sorta ok with it.

That sounds bad, huh?

Where did that Woman go? The one that would fight away this feeling as soon as she felt it trying to take over her? Where is she? I need her back..

Oh there she is…

She’s non- existent..

1 note - Posted August 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kusundei]

accidentally fellasleep again bcuz i dont thjnk the. constant 3 hrs of sleep i keep getting thrlughout the week is truly helping me eprchance… but goddd. i have woken up eith a sort of slight feeling of doom . just a little but i notice it enough to care even in the slightest and jt always appears wheneher ajax is around (god forbid i am happiest with him! distracts me from my real problems and when he is gone i am forced to acknowledge my evil side) but goodness. chat. i do i truly love him sososo much with every inch of me.,,, more than i love myself and anything else in the world . perhappps i love him more than ive loved anythinf at all???? im trying tl think ab earljer today w him again to attempt to lift my spirits i mean it is like. five am. goodness i miss him. i feel so odd and clingy sometimes ., perchance that i talk too much becahse god forbid i ever allow myself to do anything without overthinking it after idk. im juustt often filled with so much joy with him and perhaps i am not doing the best in general and i keep pushing it to the side .,,,??

i just am so truly happy with him i never want to acknowledge it. i will fight it for as long as possiblr but goodness i keep feeling it over and over. that overwhelming feeling of just emptiness. perhaps grief and j feel distraught for no reason in particular. dare i mention i am still truly doomed and feel that way , he judt makes everything feel a little easier?? thay perhaps i do have something to look forward to even though everything sucks rn. but honestly you think ab it nothing is truly going on that should be affecting me so badly its just,, the usual,,??? i have no idea perhaps.

dare i discuss more things on my mjnd tonight since its late and im thinking already. we’ll go positive for now perhaps iii. i keep realizing over and over how fucked and doomed me and jd were even from tje start and how i kept having to just deal with things and be okay eith things even prior to us dating?? i mean my rule was alwasy like. love unconditionally. she is your partner. that sort of thing. eith ajax im realizing i dont have to dp that??? hes just there. everything feels so simple and i feel sort of selfish. he puts up w so much and talks ab so much stuff so easily in ehich i know jd wouldve freaked out. lost her mind and started something about. hes just so okay and understanding ab everything i dont believe jt??? i leep trying to be like,,, well hes literally meeee… to try and console myself into the belief but god i cant. bcuz wdym ur okay w rhat. wdym we can talk ab this. wdym you’re COMMUNICATING with me??? wdym i dont have to tweak and you feel bad when i do????? you ask me if im okay and you care???? god forbid i get back the love i give others and for the first time with the person i trulytrulyTRULY am so in love with like. goodness. he is the only light i see every single day. perhaps preventing me from getting wprse and evil bcuz i know myself. i see myself setting myself ul slightly but i digress. im okay. ots just like. hes so unerstanding i dont get it??? but then agajn i am too and hes literally me??? like ige never had a problem w that sort of thing i just knew jd did which strayed me away from so mych to keep her okay but lord do i feel like maybe i could just be honest w him and be okay an communicate. i jist still feel selfish regardless. god forbid i trust him because i NEED TOOOO i will not let my insecurity consume me and get the best of me. my doubts. bcuz i want tl truly believe he is as good and perfect as he is currently??? please ajax do not lie to me. i am begging you. i dont think id be able to handle it happening again and lrt alone if we fall down the same doomed pipeline and its my fault again i dont think id ever be able to recover. maybe perchance i am the one preventing everything. i lie to a degree but im also honest in a way i am not normally. im just trying truly to be honest ab issues and problems w him but god do i feel ph so selfish cuz it is SOOOO early.

speaking of early. i need freaky kusundei to CALM THE FUCK DOWN? ph goddd because no i do truly likr jt chat. perhaps i loveLOVELPVEEEE freaky ajax but then i recall i am truly all talk. intimacy to a REAL degree is ph so horrifying to me thats why i mentjon the… let me at least be comfortable enough to kiss you and hold you freely first - sort of thing. BELIEVE MEEE AJAX. i. want you so bad. i keep talking ab it and being freaky bcuz goodness. like i said i feel a sort of way w you i jave NOT felt before. god fotbid you make mee.,,, ^_^;; .,,,, freaky. its just i know mysrlf and i think i need to calm down. ohhh to be silly and intimate with you and to kiss you till we run out of breath like yoy want and to fufill both of our desires and fantasies but oohhh i am SCAREDDDD. recalling it now goodness sex js soooo fucking scary. let alone the fact i truly have nooooo experience besides i suppose. the one time and then my experience w jd but i wouldnt consider tnag to be able to help meee??,, IDK CHAT. i dont think he’d truly want to especially not this early but god i dont wanna give off the wrong impression. its also so pdd because np i kind of. kinda. want to. NOT PERCHANCEDOIT but jjs tlikke. ohhh to do everything else. i jist dont want to do that and then have it escalate that way but if it did i think id lrpbsbly be okay w it im just looking out formyself. have that weird thing ab feeling. evil snd dirty. god forbid he doesnt make me feel that way and GOD do i maybe want to buuuttt. its been a week. sorry but i do mean it when i say i love the label. i NEEEEED the label and i need it to marinate. feel like im moving tooquickly and im being evil and letting desire get the upper hand on me. its also jjst that i fear ill do it and feel guilty and gross like i have before. as badly as i may want to i just dont know if id be able to rationalize it enough to be okay w that right now??? GOD FORBID IM THINKINFABLHT IT TOO it just keeps popping intl my head. like i am being tormented. but truly kts the way id do anything else idk. hell i think id be okay being at like. the point i was at w jd after those 2 yrs. like erm. i coulf handlr that! its just i think i truly am just a bit opposed to. actual. perchance. penetra..tive………………….. intimacy….. god im a fucking freak i jjst also acknowledge the pain i feel over there regarding it. its been YEARS and goodness it aches sometimes on occasion. i alsp know my body. rejects anything going up so im fearful that iffff heee didddd. it. would not. work..!!!!!!! but. i digress. perhaps jm thinking too much into it like a freak bcuz goodness. believe me ajax you make me INSANE AND CRAZY. ohh to truly do all the things you mention it makes me such a FREAK. god im realizinf how truly impatient i am iiiNEED TOCALM DOWN but i keep just thinking ab sunday . god forbid savannah and her boombayah but idk chat ijj. ummm. IMAFREAK GOD. some things r best left unsaid and implied even on here. just. i do. want to. sososo badly. jts consuming me. ive neher felt want like thjs before and ohhh how j convinced myself i was perchance just losing any and all sexual desire but nope. j dont think i did.! godd i just. erm. the gift messages. no bcuznone of it is truly alluding to sex i just tend to think of it that way. ooohhh to drive each other mad its . ITS OVER IMA FREAK.

[l-stintheworld]

If I was to tell you what I know you want to hear it's that I am here for you and will help you work through whatever it is you need to talk about. You can lean on my arm as you break my heart, you can be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me. I'd tell you that you that I truly believe she is trying to make you jealous, and that I know one day she will come back to you because she will realise what she's given up even if that's years down the line, but I dont want you to be alone and spiralling while that happens. If I wasn't so clouded by my feelings I'd explain how she longs for your attention and love but doesn't know how to reciprocate, the same way you can't handle the way I feel for you. Maybe she isn't in as deep as you, but she craves that life long devotion that only you are providing to her. Now she may never come back to you, but she will always long for your feelings for her. She sent you those pictures because she wants you to be mad, she wants you to argue with her because in a fucked up way it shows you care more then you ever could if she was with you and you were happy together. If you allow it, she will do it forever and you should decide whether you are prepared to be that person for her at the cost of the love you could be receiving. But I dont know her, and I dont know 13 years of history between you, I only know what you've told me. It hurts because I'm too afraid to tell you all this because I know it would mean I'd lose you, and I'm being selfish so I will keep it to myself.

But if I was to tell you what I want to tell you for my sake and my feelings, it's that you should cut her out because I don't think she is capable of giving you want you need or deserve. I'm worried you would regret this and grow to resent me for it. I know I could be so devoted to you, and be your biggest cheerleader. You would be the "main character", I could make you feel that way and give you everything you want. But what you said keeps playing in my head, that a few years down the line we could have put in all this work to be together, we could be happy and she would come back and you'd go back to her. Not that I believe it would be a waste of my life, but you have to understand why I can't continue doing this if that's even a slightest possibility. I couldnt live knowing that your biggest regret would be choosing me because even though I know I don't deserve it, all I want someone who would be willing to do anything for me. I know she craves your devotion, because I think all women do. Maybe me saying that about her is just a protection of my own feelings. It's such a huge ask to want someone to care that much, for someone to love me that much so I never will. If I was protecting myself, I'd say we have to give it up sooner rather than later, before we're in a serious life destroying position, but I dont have the strength to do that because you know I've already given up so much for you. Maybe I'm just too emotional, maybe im ignoring every red flag, maybe I hate myself so much I believe I deserve a life of being the consolation prize and even though you have insisted that this isn't what it is, it's clearer that it is.

Instead of saying any of this, I will wait for you to message me first, I will give you space and I'll talk about whatever you want to talk about. I'll wait by the phone for when you when you want to call me and cry on your break, or when you want to sing to me before you go to sleep. I'll be here when you want to play a computer game or watch a YouTube video with me. I'll be here when you want me to be some rival and to argue about politics. I'll be here to give you unconditional love and acceptance when you need it. I'll do it all sobbing from 4500 miles away. I'll stay up until 4am to provide these things, I'll keep my phone on loud so you can wake me up when you finish work to tell me about your day. I'll try to be there for you but I can't pretend it doesn't hurt me that you'll never be there for me in the same way. I never expect that from you.

I just wish things were different, Adam.

[catboyzilla]

all my friends said i deserved better or that i was too good for him but i never believed it, i still dont, i hate being a teenager, ill never forget him holding my face and staring into my eyes telling me how beautiful i am, hopefully one day someone will look at me like that again but i doubt it. my body is forever going to be his, he took my first kiss, my virginity, my heart, my brain, i dont know if ill recover. he was the reason i believed i could get through it all, i mean he was so strong and such a better person than me, maybe i could be strong too. bpd fucking sucks. i panic and i ruin everything i have. i just want him to know im sorry but now i dont even have a chance to say it. i fucked up. i just want him to hold me again and tell me its all alright. we always got along better face to face anyway. my friends are telling me to js get over it but how? how do you get over someone that made you feel like you were so special, like you were the first person who made them actually happy, like you were finally getting to experience true, actual love? if he sees this, i know hes going to call me clingy and make fun of me, but i hope he knows ill always talk good about him. i look past his screw ups, i see the person he could have truly been. maybe, one day, he will be happy and carefree. maybe one day he will finally have a good relationship with his family. i dont know if he will ever come back, especially with how much i fucked it up. i just have the slightest hope he will, maybe thats all i need. maybe its not. at this point, im letting the universe handle it. i cant be forced to fight and fight for someone that doesnt want to fight for me. someone who cant, at all, feel bad for other people. i hope he realizes one day that he isnt the best person in the universe, hes not a bad person but he has many faults, yet i still loved him despite that. i hope he finds someone who loves him despite that. i dont know if he will. for now, ill keep the only memories i have of him and cling to them. ill keep the things he gave me and cling onto them. ill keep the broken heart he gave me and cling onto that. ill keep the kisses and the cuddles and the love i remember so dearly and cling onto that. ive seen what true hate looks like in peoples eyes, ive always seen it throughout my whole life. my parents have looked at me with the most hate they have in their eyes, my siblings, friends, peers. yet, he looked at me with love. that love, in his eyes, it wasnt piercing. it was calm and sweet. it was soft and warm. i dont know if ill ever find someone that lovely again. i hope he keeps my stuff safe, i hope he doesnt tear down the drawing i made him and the letter up. i hope he keeps all the small things. i hope he keeps our memories and i hope he keeps at least a little love in his heart. i wish things didnt turn out this way, i wish this stuff wasnt so stressful. in fact, this has to be the most stressful thing that happened. i wish so many things. i wish i could go back in time and just stop it. i wish i could stop the moments i had with him and just relive them over and over. i wish the hate he has washes away and he realizes that life doesn't have to be so difficult. maybe none of my wishes will come true, maybe they will. im so uncertain on the future, its so scary. i could die tomorrow but i wouldnt know. if i did, i wouldnt want the last things i said to him to be my attempt at desperation and fear. i would want him to know that i loved him so dearly, more dearly than ive loved another person, animal, thing. i would want him to know that hes going to to get through it, he cant give it up. he has to keep on fighting, dont let everything get him down. let the negatives become positives. dont run away from your problems and responsibilities, it makes them worse. one day, when you face them, just keep remembering that i believe in you and i have put all my hope into you. i believe that you will get better, i believe you will keep fighting a tough fight. i believe that no matter what, its possible to get through it. i love you.

[n1ghtc0rd]

if im being honest with myself?

i do not like myself

i do not like myself all the time

the thought plagues me, everything bad about me

that im not really a good person

although i try my hardest to be

but im so easily breakable its pathetic

if anyone is mean to me actually in the slightest i start to cry, how pathetic how i cannot handle my own emotions

i dont have many hobbies

so i spend all my time on the internet

its gotten me hurt many times

alot of people like me

i like the positive attention, its helped

but now its gotten worse

ive isolated myself, ive failed so many school assignments, ive strained so many relationships just to be on here and talk to the people i love

i still think its worth it even then, i trust the people here more! i can be myself! i dont have to hide anymore!

but ill look in the mirror and see the me ive been neglecting

the pathetic 13 year old

i hate how i look

my face doesn't look good

my hair doesn't look good

the outfits i swear dont look good

my whole body doesn't look good in general

why do people like how i look so much

why do people like me so much

if they knew who i was

im not confident as i make it seem

im not as happy as i make it to be

im not healthy at all as i neglect myself greatly

im not heroic as people might see

im not as brave as people tell me

why do people look up to this loser, thats who i am, just a pathetic fucking loser

do i put on too good of an act? its only close people who see that 'real' me. i still feel horrible. they should know the cooler me that i display for everyone. but no. im just this obsessive pathetic loser who gives in to any pressure just to make people happy.

i dont get what people see in someone such as me

i throw away all my time on here, im doing it right now instead of sleeping, i have better things to do

to the people who truly care about me, despite who i am

i'd do anything for them

i would truly do anything

they all deserve the world

i know who i am, im me, im not anything else

but i dont like me

but im stuck as me, so i dont care i guess

i just wish i didnt have so many bad thoughts about myself

i wish i was normal

i genuinely just fucking wish i was normal

im 13, i know things will get better

but what matters to me now is, well, now

me right now

why am i always afraid

i want to cry.

[pushingdaisies1]

ੈ♡‧₊˚ᐯᗴᑎᗪᎥᑎǤ ᗰᗩᑕᕼᎥᑎᗴ ᗝᖴ ᒪᗝᐯᗴ ੈ♡‧₊˚

Ask:  Could you write headcannons for dating Caleb, Essek, Mollymauk, and Fjord? Authors Note : Yay my first critical role request!! , I can totally get that for you. Recently my writing motivation hasn't been the best so sorry that this took so long. I hope you enjoy it. (✿◠ᴗ◠) Warnings: Some cannon mix-ups on Esseks sections. Mainly because I haven't caught up to his whole introduction and so on. I tried to stay as canon as possible.Maybe (?) some spelling mistakes as well. °•. ✿ .•° You stumble upon a cushiony pink office chair. The back was shaped in a heart form, while cutouts of cartoonish hearts varying in size adorned the seat, behind it. Glancing around, you were gratefully confused by this random furniture piece you just encountered upon. As you look behind yourself, there's a-me. Before you can speak, I nudge you down into the chair. Hitting it with an off, you couldnt even realize when the articles of clothing you were wearing before poofed into something more festive with the spirit of love. “What even is this?”, you replied with slight confusion and panic in your tone. Trying to get up didnt seem to work as you were stuck to the chair. “Oh nothing, just wanted to make this a little special~!” That was all you heard, the response came off as very giddy and ready for what cute was going to come for you. Before you could even give in your thoughts, the office chair began to spin out. Your surroundings flipped as you started going down a tunnel, a sign sat crooked on top of it saying “ ੈ♡‧₊˚ᐯᗴᑎᗪᎥᑎǤ ᗰᗩᑕᕼᎥᑎᗴ ᗝᖴ ᒪᗝᐯᗴ ੈ♡‧₊˚ “ Last things you saw were that figure waving at you, a menacing laugh erupting the room. It bounced around the tunnel as you started to plummet down it, seemingly still harnessed to the chair. “I did not sign up for this!” After those words came out of your mouth from instinct, everything in your sight formed into white. °•. ✿ .•° ╔═.✵.══════════╗       Fjord ╚══════════.✵.═╝ ⪧You and Fjord had this certain dynamic. It would always swap places, you were the one to dive in and he’d be the one to always reply with “NO DONT!” You two were always caring towards each other and supported one another through certain dilemmas, this all was totally platonic. Unless…? *maniacal giggle* ⪧ Be ready for that awkward fog to hang over you when feelings are acknowledged with this seaman! Haha, get it.. ⪧No serious, I imagine the confession very much comes to a later date. With how Fjord is, it is very much a slow burn type of situation. ⪧Though, everyone before thought something WAS going on. That suspicion did defiantly grow into a  whole mutual agreement (you guys having major interests for each other) , that you and Fjord were not in on. ⪧After words are shared and you and Fjord finally opened up about it, be ready for the seas of affection.                                   °.✩┈┈┈┈∘*┈┈୨♡୧┈┈*∘┈┈┈┈✩.° ⪧Whenever there are restless nights, he’ll gently poke you awake and talk about what's brewing in his mind. If it's some random memory or a nightmare you’ll listen through it. ⪧Normally there have to be some buttons pushed to get him red in the face, but when he is it's a fucking show. It's so amusing to see him put his head in his hands when he gets the slightest flustered. Even as time passes, it still makes him weak in the knees whenever you call him a nickname laced with pure love. HE IS SUCH a dorky gentleman, your dork of a gentleman may I add. ⪧Will right away in any face of danger, or when you backed into a corner come in to get the upper hand and get you out of there. He loves you with every fiber in his body and will always be at your side. He’s not overbearingly protective but he still is. If someone seems to be giving you any cruel remarks or giving you trouble, he will right away flash his sword to show he means business ⪧At first, it was hard for him to explain why he was so quick to fall for you. He loves you, but that hit him all like falling debris once it got through to him. Truly though, he just loves you for you being yourself. How you’re so out there and ready to defend the ones you love. I mean that's a given but, it had drawn him so much to you. In his murky water view, you were that beacon of hope to help him through his trials. You are the wind to his sails, even with that sounding so cheesy.. his other half to say the least <3 ╔═.✵.══════════╗     Essek Thelyess ╚══════════.✵.═╝ ⪧ Your first encounter with Essek.. OH HUBBA HUBBA! I mean, a striking wizard drow who is a studier of dunamancy. The warmness in your cheeks did definitely pitch up when making your first looks. ⪧Though if we are talking about how that was all like, he fell right after and even harder. How accepting you were, and even after the reveal you gave him a little bit of trust. You had genuine hope for him, and that pulled him right in. Especially with the tagging along of you after Caleb brought up requesting to be taught dunamancy spells by Essek. It seemed so interesting you HAD to learn more. ⪧He didnt realize it for a while but his glances would just suddenly turn longer, admiring how you were such a beauty. How your eyes would shimmer in the moonlight. Even how they would burst with a vibrant feel in the sun. How so trustworthy you were, even towards him. You always saw the good in people and were ready to welcome him with open arms once trust was regained. With welcoming arms. Oh god… he was far down the rabbit hole at this point                             °.✩┈┈┈┈∘*┈┈୨♡୧┈┈*∘┈┈┈┈✩.° ⪧He will love you every second of your life. Especially if you’re not one to live as long as him. He will make sure to have every moment with you as tender and loving as possible. ⪧Whenever I think of a relationship with him, I think of Like Real People Do (the song.) He's so gentle and warm, always caring. Though he will get on you for your bullshit, he loves you for it. You’ll definitely bring that back around to him. ⪧Whatever tinkering with the gods was done supposedly, he is happy to have met you. You are like an old married couple as time goes on, I’m not joking. He’s ever so grateful that he was paired with you, he’s so graced to have been in a relationship with you. No matter the time it's spent. You both care for each other so much through and through.    ╔═.✵.══════════╗       Mollymauk Tealeaf    ╚══════════.✵.═╝ . ⪧Okay so, let's say you guys met once Mollymauk started to build himself up and found his name (figuratively and literally.) OOO OOO OOO, he got on your nerves. Mainly because of his whole aura so to speak. Charming, a trickster, AND the embodiment of a peacock?! You didnt know if your flustered attitude were from annoyance or genuine feelings. ⪧Time starts to pass and with that passage becomes a sort of playful rivalry. You started to loosen up around him. You would normally tag along with him whenever ripping off people in the towns the circus would hit. Seeing his little mischievous grin whenever the conning goes right, it's so much fun. Through the time you both made together, that feeling of unease melted away. He opened up your barriers and you got to see him in his true self. Or what that was coming to be. ⪧Some little flirting was sprinkled in here and there but other than that, nothing ever really grew from that until one night while on watch. ⪧The little fire roared, still kicking while you had Molly resting his head on your shoulder. You were right about to stare off into the stars, ready to head to sleep. Until you heard Molly speak up from beside you. ⪧”You know this may be the sleep-deprived state of my mind talking.. Probably not but, I think I’m in love with you.” He ended it off with a dazed chuckle. You had to take this into thought, in that moment you felt a wave wash over you. Noticing all the times he’s peppered little hints of his attraction towards you throughout your interactions. ⪧You felt so idiotic about how oblivious you were, but he was good at keeping the meanings hidden. At least to you. Gently you nudged into him with a sleepy smile, your cheeks totally warm. “You know what Tealeaf? The feelings are mutual.”                                                 °.✩┈┈┈┈∘*┈┈୨♡୧┈┈*∘┈┈┈┈✩.°

⪧He is a very affectionate person, and he shows that as well in small ways. Could be through rapping his tail around your waist gently, cheekily leaning on you. Especially if you're okay with that he’ll use you as an armrest. It's really no matter your height. He likes being close to you ‹𝟹 ⪧Him and nicknames for you oh my god. It’ll vary from lovely, dove, to gorgeous, stars. Sometimes he will try to catch you off guard and will make up ones on the spot. It’ll either end with you giggling about the nickname's random nature or have your head in your hands flustered. ESPECIALLY, when he speaks it in a certain tone. He knows what it does to you, it's all purry and suave. He loves seeing you get all choked up and all giddy. You try to conceal it as much as you cannn! But it's HARD, really hard. ⪧I can see this is his first-ever big relationship. With how much he loves you, similar to Essek he will cherish you and your bond forever. He doesn't know if he’s gonna make it the next day, so he’s not gonna miss out on anything. He loves everything about you, even the small attributes.

[wholesomeivygreen]

Sukuna never had a problem getting himself off. He had multiple people to pleasure him ofcourse. It was always one needy whore after another, girl or boy, man or woman. They all wanted to be beside him and praise him.

All untill you. You and your innocent little joy of life.

The day he saw you he was raptured by your sweet smile and blinding beauty. Ofcourse sukuna being the king of curses wanted a taste of you and he knew that once you got a taste of him, you would be on your knees ready to serve him, or so he thought.

To lure you in he disguised himself as a commoner. As much as he hated it that was the only way he could get you to sleep with him. And so there he was standing in front of you- hand in hand...and in a date? He didnt quite understand the concept of dating. It was bizzare and quite complex.. I mean why spend time talking about interests and giving information about oneself that can be used in battles when you could indulge in worldly pleasures lusting over him.

But when he stood there, next to your smiling figure that was failing to get the toy out of the mysterious box of gifts and treasures or as you called it a claw crane.

He didn't understand how small things like those could excite you, he knew he could get you better toys, gifts unfathomable to human kind. Gifts and treasures that only the richest-

"Hehe look isnt this one adorable" you swirled your arm into his pulling him close to hear your heavenly laughter more clearly making him twinge with goosebumps.

As you continued to adore the little ball of cotton he made it his mission to buy the biggest toy there was. Huffing his chest when making the promise only to find you laughing and telling him that it was late and you both needed to catch the last bus.

Scoffing he agreed but somehow the walk back to the station made his way with talks and taunts that somehow made the curse laugh with genuine joy and peace.

Sometimes he found himself smiling and bit too fondly and having to remind himself that he was the kind of curses, devil reincarnated, a powerful curse who once ravaged the earth making thousands tremble-

Disturbed from his thoughts you pulled him down to land the lightest kiss on his cheekbone making him stare at you in wonder.

"Good night sukuna" ofcourse he told you his name....well he wanted to tell you his actual form too but after tonight...god what if he would scare you? What if you didnt want to be with him...wait be with him? Why would he be worried if you wanted to be with him or not?

Laughing he questioned his thoughts making him talk to himself in the dark way back home

'Yea right. Me the powerful sukuna..wanting a woman like her to be with me' what rubbish he thought while having the slightest tinge of red coat his ears.

As a couple weeks went by you both got closer and closer. The more you grew closer you more flustered you got, and ofcourse he wouldnt miss any tiny detail. Everytime he did something to mess with you he would await to see your lovely flustered reaction.

When he would lean down to brush his lips on yours ever so slightly teasing every inch of your tiny self he found himself filled with eagerness and desperation to get closer and make you his. But oh dear god the way you would whimper and sound off his reactions sending blood straight to his dick.

When he found out you reacted like that, whimpering and trembling at his arms sensitive to his touch he found himself repeating it over and over again.

Only to break apart one day and found himself pinning you to the floor as he floated on top of you lips inches apart, eyes fumbling between his and his lips as though signaling to wanting more.

"You look so fucking pretty like this" he said cupping your tiny face with his big hand bringing it closer to a heated kiss, tongue swirling into your own only making you groan into the kiss. With every sound you made, every trace of your small fingers on his body he only was tempted more, tempted to rip off every piece of clothing your body dared to hold.

He wanted to leave marks all over your body, emotion of jealousy and possessiveness taking over him as he left dark red kisses onto your soft skin.

When he raised his head he found you looking at him with a shock.

"Wha- who are you?"

Confusion evidenton his face he jerked back "Huh doll what are you talking about? I'm sukuna"

"No..sukuna doesnt look like this" you said backing off to a corner and as he noted his tatto on his wrists he realised, he changed back to his form. A form he grew when in lust or holding a desire to monopolize something.

Fuck

"Sweetheart. It's me.. I was just-" he knew no words put together would explain who he was and the grew a bit angry when he saw your face holding disgust or so he thought.

Huffing he sat down explaining the most he could. Leaving out parts where he would continue on another day but today he needed you, he needed to feel you, to hear your sweet sultry voice begging him to make you cum.

To his shock you werent afraid, hurting he didnt tell you before this but as you scoped closer cupping his face clearly way too big for your tiny hand

"I just wish youd told me sooner. I dont care where you're from and what you did. As long as we are together I dont want to worry about that."

Sukuna never knew words could turn him on the way it did right now. Pouncing on you continuing where he left off he was quick to remove all your clothing.

As he removed his he noted the way you stared into his chest eyeing his every feature. As though you wanted to eat him up. As he removed his underwear your mouth fell wide.

There was no way that would fit you. No way

As though he could read your mind he came to kiss you deeply

"Dont worry brat, I'll make sure to stretch you wide enough to take me. Hmm? I know my princess will do that for me wont ya?" Nodding he smacked one hand on your cunt he trailed his fingers that were so big you worried about them fitting too.

As he rubbed circles on your clit enjoying every sound that poured out from your sweet lips. As he traced the lining of your dripping pussy he collected some of your juices in his fingers before bringing them to his mouth sucking on them

"Fuck you taste so good. Cant wait to fill you with my cum."

With the end of that sentence he entered your tight hole. Fingering you slowly at first so you got used to his huge fingers. He pumped you in and out observing every twitch and shiver you showed. He sucked onto one of your breasts and the other hand rubbed deep circles on your clit and massaged your folds.

The way he fingered you were sinful, every turn and pull making you moan in delight. As he swirled his index and pointing finger to pump more juices from your dripping cunt he came down to suck on your sensitive clit flicking it with his tongue. He continued his ministrations ramming his fingers into your twitching hole.

He was observant, learning your every reaction as he curled up his fingers to reach a spot so sensitive earning a Yelp and you scurrying away from his touch only for him to pull you back with his nails digging into the soft of your thighs. Kissing you thighs biting the inner side of them.

"Did I tell you could move away from my touch brat? The next time you scurry away and I wont let you cum. Okay? and be a good little whore and lemme stretch you" his words leaving a harsh warning into your brain you knew not to move. Rather you pushed your hips to match his pace as he fingered you to your orgasm.

As you felt a gush of water on your inner thighs you were left heaving and trying to make sense of reality when he came forward lining himself towards your entrance collecting the juices your dripping pussy let out.

"Hmm..and what should I do next princess?? Hmm?"

"Please- I.. want you in me" you said nervously fidgeting with you arms as you let you arms hang on his broad shoulders. He kissed the side of your ears whispering in an octave deeper than usual

"Want what?" He teasing and licking your ears, he knew it was your sensitive spot

"I want your huge cock. Please sukuna"

"Say it clearly brat" he said slapping your boobs before sucking and nibbling your tip

"I want ...want your big dick in me.. please sukuna"

"That's it..that's all I wanted to hear my sweet whore"

As words left your mouth you felt a stretch in your tiny pussy earning a groan from the great king himself before sinking in to reach the deepest part of you that no one ever could

"Fuck you're so fucking tight" he said ramming himself into you obliterating your sweet cunt. His thrusts never slowed down only growing stronger and a tad bit faster so that you were getting accustomed to him. The stretch was so much, too much for you to handle as you felt tears spilling from your reddened cheeks you held onto him hoping you make it out out this alive because the way he was making a mess out of you you werent sure.

He continued and on noticing your tears he kissed your cheeks and lips asking if you were okay. The great king reduced to asking whether you were okay or not..times had truly changed

"Go- go a bit slower.. you're...to..too big unnhhh" you said leaving nail marks on his back earning a hiss from him and that sentence just drove him over the cliff.

Realization hit and he slowed down not so much just a bit so that his arms were on either side of you, mouth kissing your cry of pleasure away.

Soon his arms held your waist in a way to slightly hold you up and he angled himself to curve himself into you. You gasped into the air, breath leaving your lungs for a second as he smirked with the power that only he had. To make such a face out of you.

Hair messed up, body sweating and mouth left gaping open for him to steal open mouthed kisses anytime he wants. As he pulled you closer every inch of his dick now entering your tight cunny you felt your stomach bulging a bit and on looking down you found a bump of his tip. Smirking he massaged the area

"Is my dick too big for you tight cunny hm?" He said but the sight of you fucked up like this only drove him nuts making him turn your insides violently making you scream.

"Yes..you're so big. So fucking biggg...fuck su...I'm.. I'm so.."

Circling your sensitive clit he groaned into the sensation of you tightening on him "I know princess. Fuck I'm close too"

As you felt white run out you jerked your hips to match his brutal pace whimpering about how big he was and how hes ruining you.

With every thrust he grew closer to his unbecoming as he let out white strings of hot cum into your tight sweet cunny.

The sight etched into his memory, you laid out in front of him bare and vulnerable with dark marks all over your body, cunt leaking out his cum and sheets soaked with both your fluids.

This was a sight he would never forget as he laid next to you bringing you on top of him you rubbed circles on his tattooed chest admiring his chiseled body.

He brought your face up to kiss him sweetly, as though he was scared he would break you.

You fell into a deep slumber while the curse stayed awake..wondering what to be done of his new pet.