#and i dont feel it's fair for myself or the guy to keep seeing him just because i dont want to be single anymore

[callmemajo]

i want to fall in love so bad lol (i feel so ridiculous saying this). I just want to date someone that likes the same things i like. Why is that so hard to find? I guess what i'm saying is i want a boyfriend who likes to read and drink coffee and avoid unnecessary drama

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

[originalaccountname]

Fun BSD French translation details and choices - DEAD APPLE (by someone who does not understand Japanese but thinks the differences with the English translation/subtitles are fun)

The Dead Apple movie hasn't received the French dub treatment, so this time I'm going with subtitles only. The differences should be less jarring, since they don't need to worry about lip flaps this time. Also it's longer for obvious reasons.

General notes:

Starting strong with calling the Dragon's Head Conflict "la lutte pour la tête" (the struggle for the head) and that it "decimated every [criminal] organization [in Yokohama]".

Chuuya calls Oda "le lampiste" (the lamplighter), which is also an expression to refer to someone as the lowest-ranking member of something.

Dazai called Corruption "la Corruption noire" (the black/dark Corruption).

"Was this someone that had captured your heart?" / "If she had been my beloved, I would have perished with her."

"Odasaku... you were right. Helping others is much more wonderful... but only as long as we're alive.

Shibusawa's tower's name was translated, it's called "la Forteresse des cadavres" (The Cadavers' Fortress).

Chuuya's nickname for Ango is "prof bigleux". "Bigleux" is a super informal way of referring to someone who can't see anything without their glasses. It also sounds super funny (ask google translate to say it for you)

Rashoumon is refered to with he/him pronouns

Shibusawa's fog is called "Le Soupir du dragon" (the Dragon's Breath/Sigh). 'Soupir' means 'sigh', but it's also a more poetic way of saying an exhale/a breath out.

Nya in Japanese, Meow in English, Miaou in French 🐱

Atsushi: "Boys need to get their claws out to survive!"

Chuuya's speech pattern is slightly different than others even in written form: we don't have a lot of written contractions in French, but something you can do to give the impression of a spoken/lazy vocabulary is the equivalent of "do not" vs "don't", and forgo the "ne" from "ne pas". Ex: Do not yell! -> Ne crie pas! VS Don't yell! -> Crie pas!

Chuuya called Ango "le lampiste" (the lamplighter) like he did for Oda while in the aircraft ("try to keep your shit" moment), so he's preemptively calling him a low-ranked guy with no power.

"I'm not gonna piss myself and run away either. You know when I'll be allowed to? Quite simply, not at any point." CHUUYA

Apparently the French subs decided Chuuya becomes gravitons during Corruption. Try to work this one out.

"You believed in me and use your Corruption? How touching." // "That was a rather violent way to wake up poor Snow White."

The way Agatha speaks, instead of warning them of having sent a special force to burn down Japan, she is telling them that in order to help them, she has sent special force their way. They'll be starting in 30 minutes, you're welcome :)

Dazai, Fyodor and Shibusawa all use the informal "you" with each other. Tsujimura uses the formal "you" with Chuuya. Ango uses the informal "you" with her.

Today's quotes:

VF: En ce qui me concerne, les autres ne sont que des sacs de viande dont je connais les rouages. (As far as I'm concerned, other people are but meat sacks to which I know the inner workings.) Eng: To me, people are nothing but machines of flesh, behaving in identifiable ways.

VF: Comment as-tu pu faire ça? Ce n'est pas du tout... agréable... (How could you? This isn't very... nice...) Eng: How could you? This feels great.

VF: Ce débile de Dazai est sans doute à l'intérieur de cette chose. Je dois lui coller une bonne droite pour me soulager. (That dimwit Dazai is undoubtedly inside that thing. I need to punch him good to calm myself.) Eng: That dimwit Dazai is inside there. No doubt about it. I need to give him a smack, or I'll never get over it.

[liliesonpandora]

A Father Protects

Jake Sully & Tuktirey

Plot: Jake and Tuk cannot sleep, so they stay up and talk. Jake checks in with her and she shares her fears with him. He comforts her until she falls asleep.

Warnings: discussion of trauma

Jake sat at the pier connected to his family’s home and stared out at the vast ocean in front of him. It made him feel endless and forever, regardless of how short life could really be.

On nights like these when he would toss and turn in bed, he often came outside so he wouldn’t disturb his wife and children while they slept. When his mind would not let him rest, he gave into it. He thought about a lot; his choices… his family… Grace… his brother…

Just then, he heard a small creak in the wood and his head whipped around to see what it was.

“Daddy?” Tuk called out as her figure appeared around the corner in front of her father.

“Tuk, what are you doing out of bed? It’s late.” he said as she walked over to where he was sitting. He grabbed her by her torso, planting her in his lap so that she was facing him. He held her so that her back was supported comfortably.

“You’re out of bed too,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Fair point” he admitted while running a hand through her short braids. “Whats wrong, my love? Why aren’t you sleeping?”

She reached up to fiddle with his necklace while she spoke. She always loved how pretty the river stones were. “I don’t know, it’s sometimes hard to sleep here. The sounds at nighttime are really different from home.”

Jake sighed deeply. “You’re right about that. The ocean waves seem like they should be calming, but it’s just… different.” There was a strange expression on Tuk’s face, and it was unchanging. Jake felt like there was something she wasn’t saying, but he decided to change the subject. “Well, I appreciate you coming out here to keep me company. I was getting pretty lonely all by myself.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “I get lonely too. Next time when we both cant sleep, can we always be together like this?”

“I’d love that, little one. I miss just hanging out with you.”

“You do?”

“Of course, you’re like the coolest one here.”

She blushed and looked down, her face getting red from embarrassment. “Thanks, Dad.”

Jake smiled at her in adoration. “How was your day today?”

“Uhhh pretty good. I went diving with Lo’ak and Tsireya, it was fun.”

“Is Lo’ak being a good brother to you? Cause I’ll deal with him if he isn’t, you can tell me.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He’s extra nice to me when we’re with Tsireya. He tries to impress her.”

“What’s going on with those two anyway?”

Tuk popped her head past her father’s back to glance at the marui and make sure no one was listening. She spoke in a whisper, “well you didn’t hear it from me, but I think they’re dating.”

“Oh really, what makes you say that?” He whispered back. Jake knew exactly what was going on between his youngest son and the chief’s daughter. But he just loved listening to Tuk. Her playful and innocent nature always made him smile.

“I mean they’re always together and Lo’ak is always so nervous around her. I saw em holding hands yesterday, too.”

“Hm.”

“Wait Dad, please don’t tell him I told you! I don’t wanna be a tattletale.”

“Dont worry, my lips are sealed.” He motioned zipping his lips and throwing away the key.

They sat together for a while and Jake noticed she had goosebumps from the cool ocean breeze. “You cold, baby?She nodded in response and he wrapped his arms around her body. She instantly felt warmer in his embrace. After resting her head on his chest, a calm feeling came over her. In his big arms, she felt most safe.

“You’re so strong, Dad.”

He chuckled lightly. “You wanna know how I got this strong?”

“From fighting all the bad guys?” She asked with an eager expression.

“Nope. From carrying you around all the time! When did you get so big?!”

Jake was sure this would get a rise out of her, but he was wrong. She looked defeated.

“I dont know… next to everyone else, I’m still small. Well… everyone except Spider. I’m almost as tall as him.”

“It doesn’t matter that you’re small babe, you’re still strong.”

“I am?”

“Of course. I don’t think I ever thanked you for being so good when we came here. You adapted to the life here and hardly ever complained. I took all of you away from the only home you’ve ever known. I know how difficult it was for you, but you did it anyway. And that takes strength to do.”

She smiled at him, never expecting to be thanked for what she thought was expected of her. She only wanted to make her parents proud by living up to her brothers and sister.

Her smile began to fade slowly and Jake noticed this immediately. “I can see something is wrong baby. You can talk to me, please.”

Tears immediately welled up in her eyes and streamed down her face. Jake pulled her into a tight hug and rubbed circles on her back. “Shh it’s okay, I’m here. I’m right here, baby.”

After some time, she released from his hold and looked into his eyes. He waited for her to speak, wiping away her tears and searching her eyes for some sort of explanation. She spoke in a low and timid voice. “Sometimes I don’t feel strong. I try to be brave like Neteyam and Lo’ak, but I’m scared.”

He listened to her while caressing her cheek, waiting for her to continue. When she didn’t, he asked. “What are you scared about?”

“Of those bad people coming for us again. Im scared that we’ll have to leave again and go somewhere else. I lied earlier, I woke up tonight because I had a nightmare.”

Jake stared at her with concern. “What happened in the nightmare?”

“They captured us again, but this time you and mom didnt come to save us. They hurt Kiri. I didn’t know what to do, I just stood there. I was so scared Daddy.”

“C’mere.” Jake pulled her back into a hug. “I got you, no one’s gunna take you.” This was killing him. He failed her…she no longer felt safe.

“How do you know?”

“Because I will never let that happen. How often have you been having these dreams?”

“Almost every night.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before, huh? Does mama know?”

She shook her head.

“Oh my baby, you’ve been dealing with this all on your own.”

“I just wanted to be brave like everyone else. I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Jake thought about how hard he must be on his kids, how much they were suffering and not saying. He was just avoiding the reality of the situation, unsure how to be there for them. Deep down, he knew Neytiri was right… he needed to be more emotionally available to them. It’s not something he was used to, but he needed to try.

“Honey, being brave doesn’t mean you have to suffer in silence. It takes courage to tell me what you just told me.”

She sniffled. “Okay.”

“Im so sorry I wasnt there to protect you in your dreams. But your mom and I are always going to be there when you need us. We will always come and find you, okay?”

She nodded.

“And you and your siblings are gunna look out for each other too, cause thats what Sully’s do. I’m always gunna show up for you guys when you need me to.”

She hid her face in his neck and he kissed the top of her head and held her close. “I’m sorry baby, I’m so sorry. From now on when you have a nightmare, wake me up and we’ll face it together.”

“Okay. I love you, daddy.”

“I love you forever, sweetheart. You guys are my whole world.”

Her little arms gripped his sides tighter, not long enough to completely wrap around his body. After a while, he released her and shifted her body so that he was cradling her. He could already see her eyelids getting heavy so he rocked her gently.

“I’m not even tired, Dad.”

He chuckled as he watched her drift off to sleep, her breathing becoming slower. He felt like it was just yesterday that he was rocking her to sleep as a baby. Time goes by too fast. He wished that she would stay this small forever, so he could keep holding her like this.

His baby.

Who knows what the future would bring… he needed to do better, be better. He would protect her with his life, so she would never feel this way again. None of his kids. He gently stood up with her in his arms and carried her back to bed, where she would sleep soundly for the remainder of the night.

[yxstxrdrxxm]

And that... Is the end of Flawed.

Or the one I hosted for my silly event here anyway.

[ TL;DR under read more: The lack of interest and stress I got from irl matters led me to drop the event and ending it early, but! I have a blog made for the sake of continuing/restarting the event.

Please vote on the poll if you want it to be catered to the reader or stick to Yesterday, and be unbiased, too. Vote what you want, and I'll try and make it happen.]

CONTEXT UTC:

So, I know you guys have a lot of questions, and I can't blame you. I know the biggest one in your mind right now, which is:

Why did I end Flawed early?

The reason why I ended Flawed was actually multiple. Please keep in mind that these are for my observations, and overall I'm not blaming anyone for this. I just noticed it and thought I should bring it up lol.

1. Writing for days burnt me out.

Although Flawed is a passion story/project of mine, writing so much burnt me out. And by a lot. There were days I struggled to think of writing because I have other commitments to do, and sometimes its why polls came out super late or super early. I tried to compensate for it by posting 1 poll a day, but when it didn't work, I pushed myself to make more for 1 day.

I wanted so badly for the whole event to flow like a CYOA because by next month (April), I won't be free to host this as I used to with OLC. However, in that process, I burnt myself out to the point I needed to take longer breaks/forget this event.

It sucks. I would not recommend doing this if you think you want to (because it is NOT worth it).

2. Interactions were... Lacking.

This event is interaction heavy, and the reason why is because you guys control the story that Yesterday and others are in. Naturally, this also affects the characters and how I shape Flawed from start to finish. I have a plot line for it, of course, but the interactions were... Not there.

I noticed the usual ones from my mutuals, sure, but there were moments that I felt like I was simply posting to no one. It was unfortunate during the time with Diluc, where I had hoped that some of you would go, but due to complications (ahem, the votes weren't able to decide on going when the deadline was up), I had to write how it's supposed to go with some... Changes.

It also made me feel sad to see that there weren't much (if at all) interactions to Yesterday. Tinuvion received a fair bit, which is nice because he's a little shit (please bully him lol), but Yesterday after the first week and a half just... Didn't get any. At least, in my records.

I'm not saying this to guilt you guys to interact more, but I am saying this because it feels sad for me to see that unlike OLC, this... Flopped. I had a lot of responses + moments planned if it took off that much, but... Oh well. There's always that one story that won't hit for everyone.

And finally:

3. Maybe you guys wanted it to be catered to you, not to an OC.

I had a feeling that, from the start, Flawed may not take off.

Unlike One Last Call (which was a matchup event + story), Flawed was a CYOA but you guys aren't the main focus/MC, Yesterday (my oc) is. I was hoping that with this method, you guys get to play the omnipotent voice and see how far the story can go until it's conclusion.

However, as I hosted the event for the next few days to weeks, I realized that it was simply too difficult. Maybe I wasn't prepared to host this type of format, as ambitious as it is, but I realized that maybe, you guys don't deserve this format and I should've made it catered to a reader insert instead.

It was hard for me to swallow the pill that this event may not be fun for the majority. I knew that having an OC be the MC + canon characters interact with them may be flaky at best (esp the whole OC x Canon being... well. very much a huge "oh dear"), but seeing minimal interaction/interest than my friends were (and people I admire, too. Hi Harmony! o/!!) and realizing that maybe I shouldn't have done this just... Made me regret it.

For that, I'd like to say:

I'm so, so sorry that this event failed. I'm very sorry if you guys expected it to be like OLC: about the reader/reader insert format.

I know it's not right for me to apologize, but I feel that I have to. I let all of you down, and I don't want you guys to be disappointed in something that you all don't like to see in this blog.

So I decided that I'll run this event in its own blog, but here's the thing.

I don't know if I should keep Yesterday in the blog.

I have to open up a poll for this, so here's the options you guys have for it's fate:

If you guys want it to be a reader insert game (aka you are the main star, not Yesterday), I will set up a menu to BUILD your personal darling.

This means that you guys get to decide how darling will look, the gender, their preferences, and even their job. However, this will be for your darling, and if darling dies, you can't use them anymore.

PROS: This is catered to the reader, and thus, you guys are the ones to choose your own destiny. I won't be the one to decide this time, and if the majority agrees on a specific option, your darling will do just that. This is also more open for variety + reader/canon interaction because I know some of you would have a lot of fun being able to see yourselves in the story.

CONS: When your darling dies, you get the chance to restart. However, the game will continue on with a new darling you guys will have to make and the stats reset to zero. The characters will also mention your past darling, and you'll have to restart from scratch. I still need to tweak this, but just know that it is VERY tricky for you if your first darling dies.

If you guys want it to stay the same (Yesterday is the MC), the format will remain the same.

This means what you witnessed here in the blog WILL happen on the other blog.

PROS: You guys get to either continue or restart with Yesterday's story, and with newfound knowledge, you get to choose more options that were previously unavailable. This also opens up to you all being able to essentially shape Yesterday's outlook + what'll happen to them, because you are the one guiding them to their happy ending.

CONS: This one does not offer a restart like the reader insert (one try only), and this could result to another "this'll flop because many people aren't interested". We've seen it happen here, so please decide wisely.

If you guys want BOTH, the format will be different as you have the option to build a darling (reader insert) or stick to Yesterday's story.

This means there will be a new system for both options to be available, alongside new menus!

PROS: You guys get to have a chance of an 'easy route' or 'hard route' and all of you can use your experience/s to get your desired ending for either one <3 go crazy lol

CONS: If you choose one of the two options for both, the latter will be locked. That's the only consequence I have for this one tbh.

So yes, I'd like to say thank you, and sorry for the fail of Flawed on this blog. I wish I could give you all the quality like in OLC, but there were... Too many things to consider. Sobs.

If you guys still want to continue, please lmk. I worked hard on Flawed and I still want to continue, but this time, its a permanent event and will be on my own pace.

Thank you for your support. Again. And I'll see you guys next time (be it a random fic or the next event <3)

[hiro--aoki]

Tell Ur Boyfriend - Part Two

Rosita Espinosa x Fem!Reader - Suggestive / Fluff / Angst

A/n: ik it looks like I hate Abraham, but i dont i swear. tell me to make a part 3 cause that's when rositara is summoned

Back on the road and the tension is high. You see Abraham glaring at you through the rear-view mirror. You flash him a grin.

“I need to release the urine state of the liquid in my bladder.”

“What- “

“He needs to piss, you overweight baboon.”

He grumbles a slur of sorts; you never know with that guy.

“Can’t you hold it, ‘gene?”

“Unfortunately, the response to that inquiry is negative.”

“Fuckin’ hell.”

He pulls the vehicle to the side of the abandoned highway, “Be quick.”

Eugene just nods, deciding it’s better to stay silent. He’s not so stupid after all. You toss your rifle over the other side of the car and jump out, Rosita follows.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna pop a squat.” She teases.

“Do you think of me as a feral animal, Rosi?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Fair enough.” You chuckle.

You can feel Abraham’s eyes on you.

“So, how’s you and Abraham?” You ask with a smirk.

“Hanging by a thread.”

“My plan didn’t work; guess I’ll have to try a different approach.”

“Should I be scared?” She says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

You don’t answer, you just cup her face and kiss her. She closes her eyes, but yours stay open, looking directly at Abraham. He glares at you. You just pull away as Eugene literally spawns next to you.

“I have completed refreshing myself.”

“What the fuck?! Stop doing that, it’s creepy.” You mutter as you walk with Rosita back to the vehicle.

This time, Rosita sits on the back of the truck with you, which only makes Abraham even more pissed. Considering he was the designated, his driving was a bit crazed today. You just chuckle to yourself, knowing you got into his head.

Eventually, the vehicle slows to a cruise. It’s quite calming. You’re surprised that you aren’t bored, although, you have your pretty, little thing next to you, and an audience of two in front.

As Abraham drives, you slow down. You peer over the side, to see a woman fighting off walkers and a pretty beat up guy, unconscious on the ground.

Instinctively, you put the barrel of your rifle on the side of the truck, lining up a shot on a walker snapping it’s jaws a little too close to the mystery woman’s neck.

Bang. It drops. You’re still as good of a shot as ever. Abraham jumps out of the truck and is also taking out walkers. He isn’t just doing it to help the people, but to show off to Rosita. Try hard. He doesn’t know he already lost.

It isn’t long till all the walkers are at peace and before you know it, the people, Tara and Glenn, are riding with you and Rosita on the back of the truck.

You have a bad feeling about this Tara girl. Not the kind that says she’s a bad person, but the way she looks at Rosita occasionally. Your Rosita. You keep one arm around her.

“Where are we even going?” Tara asks eventually.

Her voice is gentle but guarded. It’s a nice sound, if you’re being honest.

“Washington D.C.” You reply, your own expression, softening.

“That’s a while away.”

“Tell me about it. We started in Mississippi.”

“Shit. Is there…a reason for this road trip, or are ya’ll just making the most of free travelling?”

“Brainiac in the front says he knows the cure.”

Tara’s eyes widen as she looks at Abraham.

“Not the walking refrigerator, the rat with a mullet. Eugene. The refrigerator is Abraham.”

“What ‘bout you two?”

“Y/n, and this is Rosi,” You squeeze her shoulder. “So, you and the Asian guy a package or- “

“No! No, it’s a long story. But to put it short, my group was tricked into attacking his group, their place was destroyed, I feel bad, I really do and Glenn over here isn’t feeling the best. We’re trying to find his group, if they’re even alive.”

“I doubt they’re heading to D.C. At least not as fast as we are.”

“Fuck. Stop the truck!” She starts yelling at Abraham.

He ignores her, of course he does. You may’ve only just met the chic, but you aren’t letting him treat her like this.

You bang on his window, “Pull over!”

He ignores you too.

“Pull over, Abe.” Rosita says.

He listens. Of course he does.

Part One // Part Three || Masterlist

Taglist:

@kookiekult @smutinlove @cosmowitch133 @far-cry-from-finality

[ask-derrickman]

Rain saw my colleagues doing this and would not let up until I did as well, I'm already starting to regret it...

ooc: [Inbox is currently open]

[More info under the read more yes]

--- --- --- --- ---

(YEAAHG ASK BLOG TIME seeing all the ttcc manager blogs around lately slowly pushed me into trying it out myself since I hadn't seen one with my beloved boy yet, taskline manager enjoyers rise up)

(And of course now for the obligatory forewards and rules I gotta bring up:

- Not technically a 100% canon-compliant Derrick Man (well... as much as you even can with him), the one on this blog is actually based on a still nameless AU I've thrown together, he's not very drastically changed as a person though hes still grumpy and boring and full of oil but its enough to mention probably (he may mention things in passing sometimes too if the topic comes up)

- On the topic of that too, shipping between William and Rain and William and Chip will probably come up occasionally, im normal im normal guys im normal

- Headcanons galore, well- I mean as is a given for a character with so little official content to be fair, i don't wanna ruin the fun by listing everything though (also because we'd be here all day)

- This blog claims no direct affiliation with any other character's askblogs, or any other blogs in general for that matter aside from my main, all characters depicted in my doodles as well are my own spins on them and unrelated to any other askblogs too (please feel free to keep sending me jokes from other askblogs though like the spayed bellringer thing i think its funny as fuck) ((this is not to discourage anyone elses blogs from interacting though I'm just noting this so its at their own discretion))

- Please behave in the inbox, I will not answer any asks that are very blatantly explicit or anything, this blog is technically being run by a minor keep in mind, also this is a toontown blog so like... idk what you're expecting from me to begin with dude

- Speaking of me, feel free to bully William i love that but I'd appreciate if you... try to go easy on the me behind this, im the only person running this blog and im disabled with a busy irl life so updates will be slow, I'm just having some fun with my blorpos here

- Not every ask is going to have a drawing alongside it too by the way, I dont quite have the stamina for that, and sometimes the inspiration doesn't strike, my apologies

That should be all unless i think of something else to add here, YEHEA! go crazy sorry that this is so long by the way thats my bad)

[pantspissedinreverse]

Got any tips on how to play med better? Like when to uber n stuff? (I use the vaccinator btw)

I feel like being supportive of my team and I wanna be silly with it and also mainly cuz i hate myself

heya, thanks for asking :) i dont personally play with vacc much nowadays but when i did id try to get as many of the 4 charges as possible before i encountered an enemy and then popped the appropriate res bubble on my pocket, ex. we encounter a soldier so you swap to explosive res and pop that but then a pyro comes so you switch to fire res and pop that as well, so on and so forth another good time to uber is when a lot of enemies are near, this is better for stock/kritz but if you can arrow tank then youre good i dont have much vacc tips, as stated before, i dont play with vacc much but i think that @vaxxman (sorry for the @ :')) might have more info about that for other general tips heres this:

first things first learn heal priority, usually when im in casual i start with buffing my explosives (solly, demo) then my fellow med if there is one, followed by scout, pyro and heavy, then the sniper if i can get to him and lastly spy because those guys can usually get out of sticky situations well or just simply die

i dont know what primary you use but personally id say use the crossbow, its meta for a reason; huge healing output in a short time and you can style on people by hitting some insane arrows. also no matter what you use, learning how to aim it is crucial, what helped me most was aim training maps like tr_walkway or tr_denial (<- this one is mostly for scouts/soldiers but shhhh) both require pasting this command into console before you start them up for the training bots to work sv_allow_point_servercommand always

also movement is very important, for starters damage surfing (right before youre about to get hit jump then crouch mid air to get a boost) and it carries over to every class, yippee! also since i can talk about movement, theres a strategy i often use which i call the shimmy, its a more complicated one i guess? it takes some practice, heres a clip i got of it in comp recently

^ the shimmy fair warning for loud audio, these etf2l schmucks are loud as hell anyway! what you do here is press your movement keys (mostly A and D) in quick succession, move your mouse around a bit and throw some crouching in there in order to make your movement as unpredictable as possible to confuse the enemy and fuck with their aim, this mostly works on hitreg classes (scout, engi, sniper, anyone using a shotgun) and seeing as it works well against comp scouts, it should work in casual as well!

lastly heres some more resources for you, tr_medic, a compilation of training maps made for, well, medic, its a bit less user friendly than tr_walkway or tr_denial but better for medic specific stuff like keeping distance when healing, also here is the art of medic which has everything you could ever want to know (even some comp stuff, neat!)

anyway, thanks for asking! ill take any chance i can get to ramble about medic strats :) best of luck!

[spidermanifested]

💔💛🖤 for FMA because you're always correct somehow

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

i cant just say roy mustang a fourth time im challenging myself to come up with a creative answer

honestly? and if you can believe it mostly unrelated to the third question down there. i think if you took out hughes, and had to reframe the military protagonists' motivations to make them less reliant on "we need to avenge this one guy we liked", youd have room to explore more of the actual bad things about the amestrian government. that might lead people to want to rebel. like at least the nina chapter provided insight into why the state alchemist program is inherently corrupt, all we learn from hughes dying is "Breaking News! One Weird Geometry Fact The Homunculi Dont Want You To Know About"

youd have to restructure the maria ross parts too but i figure you could work something out without too much trouble. blame her for lab 5 going down or something idk

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

takes a deep breath. This may come as a betrayal to almost all of my devils nest mutuals. it may break my streak of always being correct in the eyes of the masses. but i dont........really see what everyone else sees......... in greed/dolcetto.........

"wow big shocker from captain grido" i hear everyone saying but llet me explain myself. i can rationalize why somebody might like it. and its not even the ship itself i have beef with really. its more, the widespread fandom elevation of dolcetto as Greeds Loyalest Guy, with mainly vibes-based justifications (hes a dooooooog!!!!) instead of textual evidence, that tends to accompany it? which to be fair exists outside of a shipping context as well. like on tv tropes for example

[CITATION NEEDED]

so. My bido loving soul naturally despairs. also the fact that it seems to have achieved almost default status in the fandom spheres im most interested in, so when you go looking for nest related stuff it crops up before long and you know how it goes with overexposure

my final reason is that i do love dolcetto as a character. That guy rules. which means it does me psychic damage to see his personality replaced with that of a shy blushing puppyboy, as he so often is in the ancient fanart i find combing the google search results,

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

As Per My Last Email: hughes lol

like i know in series hes meant to be a heroic figure but thats kind of my problem. hes just your average nuclear family loving gun toting red blooded american i mean amestrian, who joined the army to defend his definitely-under-attack right to have said nuclear family, and then started dating a girl while he was on the front lines and then used her as an internal justification to keep committing genocide, and then when he has a kid he threatens her (3 YEAR OLD) friends with a gun, and one of his Bonding Moments with winry is giving her a lecture on gender roles because dont you know men never talk about their feelings, and do you see why i thinkmaybe tje fact that he buys his daughter a lot of toys and waves around pictures of his family doesnt inherently make him the best dad on earth. like its really easy to be a good dad when your kid is a toddler and your wife does all the hard work taking care of her and all you have to do is bring home the paycheck. wild beasts are xoming to attack me once hit post on this one i think

[luciusspriggss]

well, went on a date with okcupid guy, and it was fine, i guess. not terrible, not great.

went to the movies afterwards by myself and then went home.

talked to my roommates about it, and it was made clear, once again, that because i am autistic and very gullible, see the best in humans, and take what people say literally and don't look for hidden meanings, it his REALLY easy for me to fall into a bad relationship (which is my usual go-to, besides Jes. Jes was lovely they just became an alcoholic and lost their way).

i brought up things that he said that bothered me, but as i usually do, i tried to defend those things by trying to come up with reasons as to why he said it in the first place

and it took one of my roommates to look at me and say:

"M, you are a great person, you see the best in people. this guy sounds just like your abusive ex Nick. you deserve better than someone like that"

and yeah that's when i got it.

to be fair, the night before the date, i told my roommates that he was either a really cool genuine guy that actually wants to be a good person, or he is a piece of shit asshole who is only trying to get people to perceive him that way.

things he said that bothered me:

regarding a tree wherein someone used a chainsaw to cut a large limb, and to compensate the tree started growing new shoots vertically on the remaining un-cut limb:

"why would the tree to do that? it's so stupid"

🤔 why would you say that??? that is an evolutionary advantage that the tree is able to still grow in adverse situations??

he also had a clear favor of herbaceous flowers over trees, especially over conifers, which...why? he didn't respect trees at all, which i think is weird.

he suggested i work for a timber company because of my degree because it makes really good money

which is a weird thing to say after i explained i dont agree with modern forestry practices because it focuses on making money instead of forest health?

after i explained my love of playing sports but my inability to do them because of my asthma. which i have been trying to "train my lungs" for over twenty years in order to play or even just go on a run, i realized my asthma is bad enough that no matter how hard i try it won't work. there are varying levels of how asthma affects a person, and since around age 10, my asthma has been pretty severe (most people get over a cold in a few days, it takes me 1-2 months to be able to even breathe "normally" again when i get sick).

he told me i shouldn't give up and keep trying, because he knows some people who have asthma and yet can still play sports.

he also suggested that i do go for runs or play sports, but i bring my inhaler with me to use when i get out of breath, and then keep going on

?????? i dunno how other peoples asthma works, but if i push myself to the point of an asthma attack (which is not hard for me to do), i am out of commission for 30 minutes to 2 hours WITH a rescue inhaler. and this is after "training my lungs" for twenty years.

he also implied he was too smart for therapy and all he needs is a good friend to trauma dump to

??????????? that is a bold take my guy. there is definitely more nuance when saying something like that. i tried to talk to him about his views to understand where he was coming from, and to put it simply, it was not good.

he made note of how hard living in a world of capitalism is, so he understands why i am unable to find a job that suits me (fair, but why bring that up. he knows i am currently looking for jobs), but when i tried to explain that i am capable of doing most jobs, the problem is my being autistic in an allistic world, and never lasting more than a year at a job for a variety of reasons (which i explained to him)

he was very condescending? said everyone feels the way i do (after i said the common denominator for every job i have done is i have literally attempted suicide which has led me to quit), and implied i wasn't trying hard enough?

i kept trying to not talk about dark subjects, but it is hard when he does.

also, maybe dont shit talk your ex on a first date? i get we both still live with our exes, but i never shit talked jes? i said that our friendship is better than ever? it was difficult the past year, but we have finally reached an understanding with one another and we are happy to be friends? trying to bring some positivity and optimism to the dark conversation, but nooooo

had to compare my struggles with unemployment to his ex's?? shit talk her in the process? which sort of shit talked me in a way?

what a fucking asshole

also, he asked me to join in the fun of the sport he competes in. never specifying how i could take part of the sport (this was after the date and through text).

A) he completely ignored my discussion about my struggles with asthma

B) he ignored A, as well as my discussion about inequality, sexism, and homophobia in sports that deterred me from doing sports

C) he meant i just come and watch? like a groupie or something? i dunno if this is what he meant but i don't like it either.

overall, yeah this seems super obvious, we are incompatible

but do you know how hard it is for ME to see these red flags??? i was willing to go on another date, but my roommates were the ones who told me it would be a bad idea. and i agree with them, now that they laid things out clearly.

there are even more red flags i just don't want to bring up, because it is really embarrassing that i didnt see them

but, i just don't get it. i have said all the red flags, but the green flags were pretty great.

he's a highschool chem teacher and loves teaching kids, he has a passion for botany (just not trees? he also confidently mis-identified a shrub which i dunno if he was trying to impress me or something, but he didn't believe me when i told him he was wrong), has a similar sense of humor as me, loves going to the botanical gardens, loves going to the river, understands tumblr to a certain degree, enjoys ted lasso and our flag means death (although he doesn't see the point in rewatching shows? to each their own), i dunno i guess i am realizing their were actually not that many green flags.

:/ ah well. live and learn.

[pankomako]

ya lost? yeah me too

while you're here, why don't i introduce myself? you can call me panko or sharky, either's fine. im a transmasc gay dude whose gender is best described as a png of a shark - my preferred pronouns are he/they. also im 17 years old.

one of my big goals in life is to tell silly stories in cartoon format. for now, i just have these 3 oc worlds i play around with like plushies on my bed:

Boardwalk of Beasts - the big one which i want to turn into a tv show. i unfortunately haven't touched it in a while haha

Gang's Bay - SUPER self-indulgent, basically a weird sitcom in my head. you can read about it here

Give Me Vertigo - a fun genre-hopping story i plan to tell sooner rather than later. story is VERY much a WIP but it might be an interactive blog thing idk yet

you can find my posts about them in their respective tags; it's just their titles so it's easy (the gang's bay tag excludes the apostrophe)

stuff i post

fair warning, some of the things i post aren't very kid-friendly. if my blog were a tv show, i'd rate it TV-14 for strong language, sexual references, and depictions of drugs and alcohol. if you're not into that stuff, or under 14-16, i'd advise you to keep your distance.

i do indeed post a lot of art, though mostly just rough doodles or joke drawings. i make both oc art and fanart, and the occasional animatic.

i LOVE sharks, and marine bio in general, and just about anything to do with the water. definitely a huge non-media side interest of mine

also i will never be normal about the music i listen to. im an alt-rock junkie and my favorite bands as of now are incubus and pearl jam (i listen to one band's music exclusively for months at a time.)

some past fixations of mine are invader zim, corner gas and milo murphy's law. not in that order. im highly likely to post about those as well as splatoon. feel like i might be forgetting something but idk

you may find me hanging out in the live chat of failboat's streams as one of his chat mods. i've been in the community for about 6 years running (6 years too long if you ask anyone normal). i also draw him SO much in my funny cartoony way that looks a lot like him but also not at all.

when im not posting about any of the stuff listed above, i just ramble. it's probably annoying but hey if you're following me that's what you get lol

well this got long. i really cant make just a normal bullet list can i. well hey, if you like what you see, consider dropping a follow! feel free to interact with me too, i may be a shark guy but i dont bite :P

if you're not lookin' to follow just yet, go ahead and dive into the rest of my blog! yeah that one was forced. whatever you decide to do, i'll catch ya later :D

[zak-writes]

i miss loving someone so much i couldn't breathe.

it's nice to have my lungs clear but i dont like them hollow.

people tell me its okay not to love anyone and i guess it is. there's a whole community there of people who are like me. i see them sometimes, talking about not feeling love and i think, yeah, me too.

but i used to feel like that. i spent five years suffocating at the thought of someone i couldnt touch and then five months wondering if this is really what everyone was talking about. i couldn't feel it. or maybe i could and i just didn't enjoy it.

i think i just like attention. i can get that from anywhere. im not pretty but i can be funny if i try. sometimes i write something that strikes a nerve and its never something i care about.

the things i put effort into seem to fail and the things i give up on succeed. maybe that's why im still here. i quit trying six months ago and no one seems to have noticed. i can float through life and get by fine.

at least she punched walls. at least she threw things. at least she hurt people. who am i? some shadow of a broken little girl, stuffed into a mans body that only feels right when other people acknowledge it.

i start trying to write how i feel down and i get stuck. i dont feel anything about him, three years later. some men really are just a guy. if i think back i cant identify what it was that got us here. he seems to think we're a miracle but i never believed in those.

he doesn't know what to get for my birthday. i asked him to name three of my interests and he named two. i got to seven of his before i got one wrong. he didnt tell me he stopped listening to that podcast. i didnt tell him i hurt myself again.

maybe its just an idea of it. i like the idea of it more than what could actually be. having to put effort into someone else is too far.

most people who feel nothing have a reason. i dont do drugs and i only drink on occasion. im not depressed, i dont think. i get out of bed - eventually - and i go to work and i do my assignments and i talk to my friends.

i dont know what people are talking about when they describe their hobbies. i dont do things for fun. i do them because if i dont make things all the time, things people can see, it was like i was never here.

i get asked a lot what my speciality is. i dont know what they mean. im doing this degree because it was the easy option, but also because i like all of it. its all interesting. how can you choose a favourite part? how do you decide which bit is worth putting the extra effort in?

am i just lazy? am i already a corpse? they say you get your final death when someone speaks your name for the last time. i keep shooting the little girl inside of me but people are still saying her name. i dont want her to die. i say her name in my head all the time. she screams at me. i think thats fair.

i know i love her. if nothing else, i love her. she didnt know any better. she didnt know what she was doing to me. i dont think she could conceive of me existing.

for her there was just then. for me there is the next thing. the job and the house and the children i might have. i could love a child. i love every child i meet.

so many people looked at me and saw something they could hurt. every time i look at a kid i think, how?

i love the house i grew up in. i dont have a bedroom anymore.

i love my siblings. they never call me.

i love my friends. i forget their birthdays.

i forget everything. sometimes i say the names of my dead family and i dont remember what they look like. i want to carve their names into a tree so they cant die. i want to set the world on fire.

you can love nothing and everything at the same time i think. maybe that's the point.

[aemonded]

Hi, first of all i wanna to tell you that you do pretty good job. I love your posts. I just wanna aks you if you would be nice.I wanna know Why Lewis Nixon hate Buck?What i heard its only because Buck was sport guy? And if you have some information about Grace Nixon. I read your post about her and i think she was amazing i want know more about her. I would find some information by myself but i found only few information about her.I am from Europe and i dont have so many book i have only three about easy E in my own language. I not good in english. I hope that not rude from me write you.

I would understand if you dont answer. Please keep going what you do. 🥰😍

Hey there :)

First off, absolutely no problem writing to me, and thank you for your kind words <3

So to address both of your questions:

1) Lewis Nixon "hates" Buck: Lewis Nixon "hates" Buck in the way that I think a smart, more intellectual guy, would hate a "jock." The sources I've seen don't seem to elaborate on it more, but from my reading of it, Lewis Nixon was always more a prep school, smart, rich kid who spoke several languages, and therefore, probably didn't like someone who HE saw as only getting opportunities or benefits coming from the fact that he was good at sports (This is a bit ironic, coming from Lewis Nixon, because we all know he was like, so rich he actually had a TOWN named after his family, but there you go). So what I always understood from it, Lewis "hated" Buck because he didn't see being good at sports or being an outgoing, sporty type, as something that should be rewarded. AKA he was one of those guys who was like, "Why do people worship jocks? All they do is run fast."

On the other hand, Buck also didn't like Lewis, from what I understand, because he probably thought he was too "high and mighty" being a rich guy looking down his nose at him, when to be fair, Buck wasn't just "good at sports." He played with Jackie Robinson, who was the first black player to play in professional baseball in America- he broke several athletic records- he could have played professionally in a multitude of sports from what I understand. To be short: He was talented, and was probably annoyed that Lewis was like "YEAH YEAH YOU RUN AND HIT A BALL, GREAT, ANYONE CAN DO THAT."

So I think both of them were just a clash of personalities- both more dominant, big personalities, but on opposite ends of the spectrum- Lewis having a big personality but being known for his mind and being sarcastic and smart and witty, and Buck being known for being a leader and sporty and athletic.

I found this post by @winnix85 that lays out more examples than I knew of here from Buck Compton's book. From what they say, it might be because Winters didn't gel with Compton either, therefore, Nixon as Winter's best friend doubled down on being an asshole to him. But from what I see it's all down to personalities clashing, and not just one incident. I feel it's that thing where we all have coworkers where even if they're not the worst person in the world, you're like, "They're kind of weird/off and we don't gel well together, even though there's nothing objectively terrible about them." That's sort of the vibe I get- they were coworkers who didn't really fit together, but also took the opportunity to poke back at each other if they got the chance (Especially Nixon. Which is kind of petty, but what can you do).

2) Grace Nixon:

I wish I could provide you more information on Grace Nixon, but literally everything I got in that post was actually randomly from her obituary posted online, which was presumably drafted by her/ with her consent before she passed, or by her family members who obviously loved her. I just compiled it into a dumb list for the post of all the amazing things she did.

So I don't think there are any GREAT sources on her besides that (in any language, including English), but I'm happy they provided that amount of detail in her obituary, because it really paints a picture of what a fun and resilient lady she was. I think only someone like that could have both kept Lewis Nixon's attention, while also being strong enough to call him on his bullshit when he was behaving badly (Like he was with Buck, and most likely in his first two marriages (whoops)).

Anyhow, hope this answers your questions, darling, and have a great day!

[matthewmurdockswife]

can you do matt murdock with a recovered sh reader and she just told matt that the scars are self inflicted

Underneath every scar lies a story Reader x Mattmurdock

I hold stories like this really close to me so thank you for the request love <3

TW: mentions of Sh, swearing, mentions of mental illness

We sat on the couch a spot I frequently found me and matt resting. He has just finished his nightlife protecting hells kitchen and now it was his tome to protect me as he liked to say. As I leaned my back against him I let my thoughts wander It wasnt long before I thought about my past, my scars. they were something I had grown to ignore but It never stopped my mind from thinking about them from time to time and matt picked up on it. “ what is it love” He spoke softly “ just thinking” I let my mind drift off momentarily but it wasnt long before I heard matt speak again “what’s bothering you I can hear your heart going insane” I sat up and got off of matt I let my feet touch the floor somethong that had made me feel grounded. I knew I had to tell matt I couldnt keep hiding things from him It was stressing me out, the fact that he can hear my heart from three blocks away wasnt necessarily helping. “ You want me to be open with you about myself, right” I knew the awnser to the question but I wanted to help calm my plauging thoughts I needed to “ of course sweetheart always you can tell me anything” he smiled and sat up to rub my back and my leg started to bounce uncontrollably “ the scars you felt before, I did them myself” His whole body stiffened whoch only scared me even more his deep red glasses now on the coffee table and his head turned closer to me “what do you mean doll, I dont understand what you’re trying to tell me” I sighed knowing ive dreaded telling him this but I cant keep hinding the truth I cant live in this lie anymore “I used to cut myself matthew” I watched his head drop of course he was angry with me I am too I felt him grab my hand and heard the softest sob escape his mouth he looks up at me with tears welling in his eyes threatening to spill like the others already falling down his face I shouldve known he would take the news bad it wasnt fair of me to burden him like this he broke my thoughts speaking up " Show me your scars,"he said. "But why?"I asked "I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there," he whispered more tears now staining his already tear soaked face the sight made my heart shatter into a million pieces He spent the rest of the night just proving to me why he was so perfect in the first place, showing me how Despite my scars I was the most perfect woman in the world to him, and how he will always be there for me the next time I feel like this so he can help me through, by my side. Together.

guys I want you to know you’re never alone and my messages are always open feel free to rant to me or talk to me about anything Nothing is ever worth hurting like this reach out to someone and take care of yourself love you guys xxx <3

[forsakenmissives]

I know nothing about football but I'd still like to hear about the au :3

see bc i complain and then i don't even know where to start LOL

ok so ig i'll start with the title From the Sidelines and a little description i have, to pique interest heh

Arthur is Camelot FC's star striker and captain. Merlin is the kitman. Life is hardly ever fair.

anyway . i suppose that's. a little misleading. that being said i think this grew into something waaaaay larger than i originally planned @.@ like it was supposed to be a fun little addition to the surprisingly small amt of footballer arthur fics we have but now this fic has double daddy issues (balinor my beloved...), coming out, sports injuries, shitty coaches (aredick die by my sword) and never making the national team. HUH??? i just wanted merthur to fuck on the pitch... (joke) (just in time for fuck him on the field friday)

also there's side stories. like one is when the players get handcuffed tgt for 24hrs but they've got an uneven amt for it and merlin gets roped in

and then there's the valentine's day arwen special that i somehow accidentally made into a statement about arthur's attitude toward his sexuality?? and feelings for merlin??? through his anxiety about his date with gwen????

“All good?” Merlin asks. “Never better,” Arthur replies, then pivots and walks directly into his closet. He stares at his barren shoe rack before he feels hands on his shoulders, and Merlin is turning him around and guiding him back out. “Wrong way,” he hears him say. “Right.” This time, Arthur marches out his room then down the hall to the front door. “I’ll be back.”

i'm allowed to give this info bc i don't know if i'll ever actually post the extras. i dont' even know when i'm gonna finish the main story sjkdfhgjkf

oh yeah another side story takes place in 2007 (that might be the title for it idk) and it's about uther buying camelot fc for arthur's tenth birthday LOL dont question the legaltiy of arthur playing for his father's club. i dont know and i dont care. this is fiction SIMILARLY dont say shit abt arthur being a striker and captain. it's happened before. it's literally fine. dont even worry about it

there's like. ik i rly only talked about the side stories but u have to realize just how much has already gone into this fic and i wouldn't even say i'm halfway done. i don't think i've written out a single match which is also funny bc i've been keeping up with the prem and actually think i can do it now. i just keep dragging my feet abt it lol

i think the hardest part for me is when im gonna have to seriously injure arthur. i didnt want to but i think it's an important way for his and merlin's relationship to progress and also would explain merlin's attitude toward him in january. its less abt injuring him and more abt him having to sit out of games not for like. lineup stats/compatibility reasons

oh my god typing this all out made me realize we haven't met like. half of the guys on the team yet. i was sitting here like "i need to rewatch eps with all the knights bc i dont trust myself to write percy and elyan accurately" but now i just realized i dont even know if mordred is on the like. squad yet or if he's still with the u18s (after a brief check with my info page he is. i'm gonna be sick)

like i said there is a LOT of info on this . sorry this was so long i just needed to ramble a bit and it also made me realize some info i still need to include so yayyy :3 thank you nonny if u have anything u wanna know in specific like fr anything PLEASE ask. i'd love it so much if u asked. u saved my life <3