#and i don't feel bad at all i actually feel good i just don't think its supposed to do that lol

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

It also ignores the need vs want aspect. The calculator allowed for people to do infinitely more complex problems faster, which is a thing that's a need, as in it literally lead to inventions that saved lives and enabled other technologies, good and bad to occur. It was also a step up from the abacus, which is in and of itself another marvel entirely. No one NEEDS art to be made faster as that, in and of itself, ignores the point of the humanities. There is no benefit to generative AI in the way it is currently being sold which is massively wasteful and a giant gimmick, this is why even the Apple AI commercials are embarrassed to present it's "Uses" cause it ignores the central point of not just the creative process but why you even prep for meetings or create gifts for people or use the written word to communicate. If you fundamentally don't understand, any moment you remember is likely a direct result from the human element, whether it be the lack of it or from it, like a cookie from your grandma quite literally tastes differently cause of your attachment to your grandma, just like how an insult from a friend will hurt worse than a stranger. You may WANT to write a letter instantly or create a gift instantly but without that human element you won't feel anything from it nor will anyone else.

Companies obviously want generative AI cause they only see the human element as costing money while ignoring that they wouldn't exist without the human element, and this means Gen AI is treated as the next big thing like NFTs or Crypto when in reality, just like those two, it's all smoke and mirrors with any beneficial aspect either already existing and are used or being too niche to ever be sellable for it's cost. Which is sad cause the tech behind the AI could be used to make accurate translations which can serve anyone in a foreign place in daily life. The same tech could be detecting things like cancer faster and with higher accuracy than a doctor, not replacing the doctor but enabling more effective screenings, lowering human error.

Generative AI will likely get itself sued into oblivion, but even before then it'll be treated like Web3 is now: An interesting oddity that will be abandoned once corporations, who are run by short term profit fetishization, run a single bad quarter and the house of cards collapses. Funnily enough it's those who are pushing generative AI the hardest that will get it killed cause, as a result of AI slop, it's become massively hated and viewed as an intrusive figure in every site and application it exists. The generative AI profiles Facebook touted recently? From 2024 if they still have a profile at all and they don't actually post at all, with many of them deactivated cause of errors and cost. Summaries by Gemini? Making people look for alternatives to Chrome and Google as a whole cause it not only gives unwanted insight (That is typically wrong anyways) but it is increasing the enshittification of a product that just fucking worked and no longer just fucking works. That AI "Artist" who sold whatever for a gazillion dollars? Nobody but the rich who fundamentally do not understand anyone but themselves doesn't care.

The calculator saved lives just like the abacus. Generative AI solely exists for a literal handful, a small village of ultrarich morons to gamble on cause they THINK if they JUST gut the human element it'll just work but they are so blinded by greed they can't even see a single step forward and the obvious issues that it displays. Just like when Wallstreet celebrated Trump's return and are hyped up on Musk and other venture capitalists being in his colon, they clearly have never opened a single history book and seen what happens, inevitably, when people blinded by greed get burned by their greed. Gen AI is a symptom of our rot economy, and I really don't think they paid attention to what happens when you break societal contracts for gold.

It's really telling that the Apple AI ads are ashamed of the product it's selling while the people funding it somehow don't see it. Never seen calculators boast about how secretive and sly they are, almost like when a thing is good it has lots of brag about.

'People are panicking about AI tools the same way they did when the calculator was invented, stop worrying' cannot stress enough the calculator did not forcibly pervade every aspect of our lives, has such a low error rate it's a statistical anomaly when it does happen, isn't built on mass plagiarism, and does not obliterate the fucking environment when you use it. Be so fucking serious right now

[madamechrissy]

Keep This Low Key

💜 Pairings: Choso x F!reader Rating: Explicit- MDNI

💜 Contents/Warnings: Very emotional at first, but then it lightens up and gets sweet. Light angst, heavy at the beginning, forgiveness and trying for each other, a little jealousy and hurt, lots of kissing, fingering, oral (f recieving), lots of sexual tension and feelings

💜 Word Count: this chap - 10k (long one)

💜 Summary: You have been Choso's best friend for years, and one night he has a date with Yuki, his girlfriend, while you have a date with Ino, your boyfriend, only for them both to break up with you at the same time! You all think of calling each other, but run right into each other. Choso brings you home since you didn't even have your car, and you two are crying over a couple beers and a silly movie, only to have a sudden idea. Why not say fuck dating, fuck heartbreak, and just fuck each other?

No drama, no mess, no upset, and you two are such good friends, nothing can go wrong, right? The only agreement is no feelings, and if you all find a s/o, you'll end things. But the moment Choso opens his heart to you, and the moment you start falling, things get messy, as you realize he's the best you've had, and you're falling hard. Will you all stay friends, become more, or will everything blow up?

✨️Comments and reblogs appreciated if you enjoy- A/N- I attempt to write a song, I am sure I failed be nice abt it lol! ✨️

Chapter Four 💜 Masterlist 💜 Playlist 💜

Chapter Five

It has been two weeks since you spoke or saw Choso. He finally stopped texting and calling a few days ago, finally stopped showing up at your work every morning with that cup of coffee that you asked your coworkers to take instead. You don't even look or respond to him, it's too far gone, it's too much.

You don't respond to Satoru either, he was clearly there for fun, which is fine but you can't believe what you've done. After being so set on sex being this end all be all, Ino’s dumping you so soon after clearly fucked you up, and hopping in bed with Choso had been the biggest mistake.

You are out with Utahime at the club, dancing together and giggling, enjoying her so much, even as you miss Choso like you live and breathe. It's all too much, and you don't know if you can ever repair what has happened, to undo the tangled mess you both had become.

You're not putting fault all on him, but you're still hurt by him. You didn't go to his concert, you hate yourself for that, but it would hurt too much to see. You sent good luck necklaces to the three of them with a note saying you were sick (you especially hate to let the boys down too) but there's not much hope for it, not when you can't stomach facing him.

If you never kissed him, you maybe could have lived your life just fine, if you never had him look at you that way, if you never slept in his arms, you could have said it was friendship. But now, even your strong, fourteen year friendship is hopelessly gone.

Take a shot.

Dance.

Laugh 

Take a shot.

Take a selfie with Utahime.

Dance more.

Laugh.

Hollow laughter, laughter that rings just wrong, your eyes aren't as bright when you look in the mirror, but you think you can puzzle together the pieces.

Men flirt.

You ignore it.

Have a drink now.

Dance under the strobe lights.

Laugh.

You're almost human, or at least you're pretending to be, and it almost works, buzzed off your ass and dancing with her helps, giggling as you all walk out in your heels to your ride helps. Taking more selfies and giggling at the reacting on Insta helps, you feel good…

Well, almost.

Choso haunts all of your damn thoughts, it’s like you can’t even imagine things before him, like this gaping hole in your chest. You are tipsy when you get home, images flash as you walk through the door, Choso holding you against it, him on his knees in front of you. Then more images of Satoru, which make you sick.

You never thought actually doing something with the guy you had it bad for since forever would bring you down so badly, it made everything snap into place, things that didn’t make any sense in your mind. It was never just sex with Choso, not from the moment he kissed you and called you beautiful, because you know what ‘just sex’ is, Choso was beyond it.

Now there was nothing left between you.

Choso hearts your pictures, and something shifts, something almost makes you sick about it, not talking to him. You crave to just forgive and forget, to act like this friendship is fixable, to act unbothered, but you can’t just go back now. The decision was made when he first kissed you on that couch, when his tongue ring clicked on your teeth, when his big hands brushed against your waist.

You see his IG is Amber free, and hers is Choso free. You don't know what that means but you can't bring yourself to care anymore, you'd tried to make any sense of any of this and have failed. When you think too much about it, about your decisions, you sob so hard your eyes burn, your cheeks sticky.

You wash your face, put your hair up into a bun, you go back to all of your routines, without Cho Bear things don't really bring you the same joy, but finally you think you can let some of the heartache mend. Snatching up a book and your favorite plush, you snuggle on the couch, buzzed and dizzy. Luckily Satoru doesn't bother you, just a dick pic here and there, you roll your eyes at him.

He was good at what he did, fuck he was real good, but it was not what you wanted, it was what you thought you had to do, to prove something to yourself, that you were inexperienced and overthinking it. But, you were wrong. Choso pushes you to your worst, and you just can't let it continue, you can’t be that girl.

Choso calls, you go to hang up and accidentally hit answer, cursing quietly, hearing the hope in his voice as he says your name.

“What is it?” You ask, tone soft but cold, you haven't talked and don't want to.

“I know you hate me, and I don't blame you. You should.” You tear up as you hear his voice breaking. 

“I don't hate you, I just can't be in your life. I'm sorry.” You sniffle, hiccuping on a cry when you set your book down.

“Will we ever be friends again?”

“I don't think so, but it's not all your fault. We both fucked up.” Choso sighs over the phone, you imagine him in your mind's eye. Sexy and shirtless maybe? Low hanging sweats? Is his hair loose and long?

“I haven't talked to Amber. I never will again.” You blink now.

“It doesn't matter.”

“It does! It does. What I did was horrible to you.”

“It's over now. Don't dwell on this. I have to go.”

“Please, please… anything I could do to make you smile again. I hate that I caused this.” You sigh shakily as you hear his crying over the phone. It almost gets to you.

“I'm okay, I promise. Choso I'll always care, I'll always be rooting for you-”

“Please, please… please forgive me.”

“I do. I'm not angry. I'm sad.” You cover your face, choking on your sobs as he does. “I don't hate you not one bit.”

“I hate myself.” You shake your head and can't stop the sobs from wracking your body.

“I know that feeling well.” You both take a breath, both hating what you've lost. “But I promise I don’t hate you, I couldn’t. Take care, please.” Your voice is just a whisper, but he hears you.

“Please, anything, I will do anything, let me make it up. Let me fix it!? I know I'm stupid, I know I was wrong. Please.” His heartbreak in his voice makes it crack over the phone, you’re devastated then.

“Just let it go, okay? Let it go.”

“I don’t want to let you go. I-”

“Good night.” You hang up quickly, cutting off whatever words could wreck your resolve, your hands violently shaking, you press them between your thighs, staring as the phone rings.

Cho Bear.

Will you miss him forever?

*****

It’s been three weeks since you last spoke to Choso now, he quit calling finally, it’s sort of like it was when you were with Ino, when you two couldn’t keep your friendship, but it’s worse because you know what you could have. God, to have even been able to go on a date with him? To imagine building something so beautiful, but instead you’ve ruined it all.

You’re shocked when Megumi and Yuuji are knocking on your door, you stand there still when Yuuji barrels you with a big hug. You sigh, hugging him back, Megumi snakes an arm around you after as well, you almost tear up a bit, thinking of how close all four of you have been so long.

“I missed you two.” You say softly, shutting the door then. “What brings you all over here?”

Yuuji swipes a hand through his pastel locks. “What did Cho do so bad that it’s been three weeks of you ignoring him?”

“Yuuji…” Megumi says with a sigh, dark eyes looking at you seriously. “What he means to say is Choso misses you, bad.”

“He’s so depressed he won’t even play.” You blink at that, looking away then.

“Won’t play? When has Choso not played?”

“He won’t even leave his room aside from work.” Megumi says, your heart breaks further and further.

“I… we can’t be friends. I’m sorry, you two.”

“What, why!? You’ve been friends almost my entire life? As long as I can remember.”

“Yuuji…”

“Did you two…” Megumi trails off, you blush furiously then. “Oh.”

“Oh what? Did what?” Yuuji’s voice annoys Megumi clearly then.

“Tch, just stop.” He looks at you now, seriously. “Is it that bad?”

You nod quietly, sighing and shutting your eyes. “He wouldn’t wanna see me anyway.”

“That’s not true, not at all. Please, just come over, you don’t even have to hang out with him, just let him see you.” Yuuji begs, yanking on her hand now, pulling you towards him so his hands can rest on your shoulders. “You’re his best friend in the world, you can’t just not be one anymore.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Your tears start running before you can stop them, Yuuji frowns, Megumi brushes a hand up and down your back. “I don’t think me and Cho can fix it.”

“So start new.” Megumi’s voice stuns you. “Start fresh, whatever happened you two can get over it. Have you never had problems, fights?”

“Of course we have. I… I’m scared to even face him.” You cover your face and start crying then, letting the weeks of despair fall out with tears as they comfort you. “Guys I can’t.”

“Just spend time with all of us. I know it would brighten his day, you don’t know how bad it is.” Yuuji’s voice breaks just a bit, and then you realize, Choso must be hurting as much as you are.

“Let me get myself together and I’ll head over.” You say with a small smile, emotional as you think of seeing him again.

Could you all ever go back to being friends, when you are so in love with him… love, yes.

Love.

You’re hopelessly in love with your former best friend, how would you play it casual, how could you even face him?

*****

Choso can’t stand not seeing you, not hearing your voice or your little laugh, god he misses your scent, your presence, your everything. Even if he couldn’t see you, he used to swing by and give you that coffee, and you turned every cup down, not even acknowledging him. The heartbreaking call last week had him finally giving up, realizing he had done too much damage.

How could he hurt you like this?

He thinks back now, to all the signals you gave, to all the clues where he has been so clueless. Choso never got attention from girls, a shy guy, a nerdy guy, it’s been the past couple of years he’s gotten popular with his band. He didn’t realize Amber was that insane over him so quickly, and even so, he saw that hurt on your face before the incident in the car.

He told you one thing but did another, and of course you’re done with him, of course you probably went home with Gojo that night, how could he blame you? There you were, painting things clearly, and here he was, not understanding a thing you meant, like the words couldn’t compute, he couldn’t fathom you felt that way.

Choso has barely left his home for the past three weeks, but for the past week he has barely left his room, guitars unplayed, notebooks left unwritten and sprawled all around his room. He can barely eat or think of anything but you, aching to call you, to see you, but he knows he can’t anymore, he knows he’d just be doing more damage, how could he be so foolish?

The doors open of his room and he grimaces then, as his little brother keeps trying to energetically get him out of the house, to give him all this hope that you two could make up, as if it’s even possible. He blinks and covers his face with his plaid blanket.

“Go away.”

“Cho?” He hears your voice then, making him jump up out of bed, sheets all rumpled and a mess, thinking he’s dreaming.

But you’re there.

You’re here.

Your eyes look just a little puffy, your lips trembling as you see him, he tries to smooth his hair, knowing he probably looks terrible, he hasn’t even showered in days he’s just rotted away. Choso struggles to pull himself together, walking towards you then, and he sees it, you’re trembling, as if you can’t even handle this, seeing him again.

But he was wrong.

When you see him like this, a whole mess and so depressed, it destroys your heart, you can’t take it, even as much as you both had messed up here, he was your closest friend in the world. He was always by your side through your heartbreaks, and you were by his side, and now? You were both suffering alone, and for what, for the fear of not forgiving each other?

Choso doesn’t even know what you’ve done, he doesn’t know you were just as bad as him, maybe worse. No, you two don’t date, but it felt wrong, what both of you did, especially in your heart, you didn’t do it for fun, you did it for some petty sense of revenge, and now it’s hard to face him, but you do. You face your best friend who looks like a mess, with his eyes glimmering with tears.

It’s quiet then, Megumi clears his throat. “Let’s give you both a minute, maybe you can make him shower?”

Yuuji nods. “Please do.”

They leave, shutting the door to Choso’s room, a room the last time you were in that he had sex with you, but was it sex? Or did he make love to you?

How he’d stared into your eyes, cupped your face so gently, how he’d asked every moment if things felt good, if you were okay. The memories make you ache, and not just physically, they make you ache for all of him, for his sweet smile again, for him to just hold you in his arms. You’re just standing there, and so is he, you both open your mouths, then shut them.

He’s clenching his fists, stepping closer now, terrified you’ll just run away, but you don’t. You stay there, looking at him, as he feels emotions in his throat, as the tears begin to fall. He steps a little closer, and you let him, giving him the silent go ahead to approach you further, your chest rising and falling with your breaths as they come faster and faster.

Another step, and your boots are toe to toe with his bare feet, and Choso is looking down at you, his hands hovering just above your shoulders, as if he’s scared to touch you. You feel the sobs building in your chest now, not a word is spoken, but seeing your best friend who you love in tears, along with your own regrets makes you break apart.

“You’re here.” He says your name then, and you break into tears when he pulls you against him for a hug, those tight ones in his strong arms you’ve loved forever, you feel so safe, so right. He’s stroking your hair, pressing you against his chest as your arms wrap his chest. “I didn’t know if I’d… if I’d… see you…”

He’s sobbing out his words, you look up through your tears, seeing him, his stubble, his dark circles as you sniffle. “I’m here, Cho.”

“Feel like I’m dreaming of you.” He squeezes you so tightly, but you crave it, you love it, against him finally.

The room is quiet, aside from both of you quietly crying, sniffling and laughing softly when you look at each other. “You do need a bath, gosh.”

“Hush.” He’s smiling, that heartbreakingly sweet smile you’ve come to love, but you have to pull back a bit, taking a breath, eyes fluttering shut when he cups your face, like you’re precious. “I missed your pretty face.”

“Did you?” You tease softly, opening your eyes, burning from tears.

“I’m so sorry for everything, I am sorry I didn’t listen, that I hurt you.” You feel almost sick now, shaking your head. “I fucked it all up, I did-”

“We both did. I have to tell you something.” He nods then, shoving aside a bunch of things to clear you a seat in his gaming chair, pulling you by it, arms on either side of you as he sits on the bed.

“Anything.”

You take a breath, hoping it will help you, but you feel sick thinking of it. “I was intimate with Gojo.”

Choso blinks long lashes, frowning before nodding. “I figured, that night maybe you slept with him?” He tries to hide the hurt in his voice, but fails.

“I didn’t have sex but… um… oral.” You feel like sinking into the goddamn carpet below you, Choso clears his throat, looking away for a moment.

“I figured so, but was it because you wanted to? Was it because he’s Gojo, an old fling? Was it… for fun? Or… was it because I pushed you there?” His heartbreak is so clear it affects you physically, you’re shifting in the seat, fiddling with your hair, sighing nervously.

“It was my decision, but it was based on seeing her with you, it hurt so bad, but it’s no excuse. I acted on impulse and felt awful.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t feel bad, please.”

“Cho I… we…”

“It’s because of me.”

“It’s not!”

“You always try to defend me, even when I’m wrong, and I was so wrong here. You tried to tell me.”

You’re nodding through more tears, he rests his forehead on yours, as you both take shaky breaths. “I did try to tell you, but now I don’t know what to do, how can we go back to how it was?”

“I don’t know but I’ll do anything, be anything for you.” Your eyes lock, his a glittering violet, dark sooty lashes wet and spiky over them.

“Maybe we should start new?” You ask softly.

“As friends?”

“I don’t know, maybe something else.” Your brace yourself for impact, but his next words fill you with so much hope.

“How about… we go on a date.”

“A date?” You blink in confusion.

“A date, me and you, I am asking you on a date. A real one, a proper one, and we get to know each other as… maybe more.” Your heart races then, you feel it, the giddiness at the thought, but then the guilt.

“You wanna date me? After what I did?” Your voice is breaking, you’re no better than him really, maybe you’re worse? What he did casually, you did in retaliation.

“Oh, sweetie…” He brushes your hair back gently, it feels so good, so perfect then, in his room, with his touch. “You did nothing wrong to me, I think it felt wrong for you though?”

“It felt wrong, so wrong. I hate myself for it.” You’re just a breath away from his lips, but both of you hold that inch apart, you bite your lower lip, his eyes dart to it, but he stays that distance.

“What you did makes sense, I’m just sorry I made you feel you had to. I don’t want games, or hurting each other anymore, please. Let’s just have a date, and if you like me, we’ll do another.” You giggle then, the sound makes his heart swell, it makes him so fucking happy, to see how it lights up your face, even as he brushes tears away, thumbs with faded black polish barely on.

“So we’re going to take things slow?” You whisper, hands gliding up his chest, making him tense then.

“Yes, you deserve slow, you deserve to be treated right, and to choose what you want. If it’s me or not, I think we should try, what’s here, this connection? It’s…”

“Epic.” He smiles then, nodding, thumb brushing against your jaw now.

“I’d die to kiss you but I’d like to earn it, please.”

“It better be something nice, now. And you’re paying.” He grins, you’re wiping his tears now, running your hand through his dark messy locks.

“I’ll pay, don’t worry. Will you wear something that shows off that perfect body of yours?”

“I could be persuaded to. But you’ll be a gentleman.”

He nods, holding your little hand over his chest. “I will be.”

You feel it, the flutters in your tummy, at the thought of something like this, it seems so silly, but you’re giddy, hopeful. “So we’re… gonna go on a date.”

“Tonight.”

“You absolutely need to shower then, I can’t with all this.” You tease, he pulls you against him tightly, kissing your cheek, your temple, hugging you just so, you feel his heartbeat on your cheek.

“I wish you could get in there, fuck I miss every bit of you.” He exhales, you feel his words hit your core, you’re aching now, clinging to him.

“I miss it too.” You look back up now at him, smiling as you both just sit there, quietly. “I’m sorry Choso.”

“I’m sorry, angel. So sorry.” You nod, trying to pull yourself together then, brushing your cheeks with shaky hands. “I will not ever let you down again, even if you hate this date, even if you decide we should be acquaintances, just any part of your life you have me in, I’ll follow.”

“Shh.” You kiss his cheek now, cheeks that tinge pink under the light brush of your lips. “You text the time, and I’ll be ready. Oh, and you better shave.”

“I will.” You smile so pretty at him, as Choso’s mind whirls once you leave. A date with you, he needs it to be perfect.

You came to him, you were real.

Yuuji and Megumi burst in now, and Choso has this silly grin on his face, much to their relief. “You better not fuck this date up.”

“You all were listening!?”

“Just to some of it! Choso!”

Megumi snorts. “He’s gonna kill you, Yuuji.”

*****

Choso pulls up in his little Mustang, you stand there so nervous in the night, having gone over twenty outfits before landing on a little black dress, you figure you can’t go wrong with that. It’s lacy on the chest, it cinches just so in the waist and flares out flirtatious, along with a black jacket since the night has a chill. You see his mouth drop when he gets out of the car, making you flush.

“You’re so beautiful.” He says softly, like he’s in awe, it makes you feel beautiful then, Choso makes you feel so much, like you are so special.

“You look handsome, Cho.” You smile up at him, taking in his black dress shirt and slacks, fitting his muscled frame so sexy. “I’ve never seen you dressed up like this? Where’d you get these?”

“Put away from a wedding.” He admits, you giggle then, the sound brightening his world, as he takes in your gorgeous face. “Your makeup is beautiful too.”

“Oh thank you! Youtube tutorial.” He grins, brushing his fingers along the backs of your cheek then.

“You nailed that shit.”

“I missed the fuck out of you.” He nods, leaning so close, dying to kiss you, but you deserve the night, a night all about you, to take it slow, so he pecks a kiss on your hand, taking it in his. “Gentleman Cho?”

“Mmhmm. My lady.” He teases, your pulse flutters in your throat as he opens the car door for you now, making a show of dramatically bowing. His hand is on your thigh when he’s driving, yours brushes the backs of his knuckles, so much still left unsaid between you, but the comfort of each other overpowers it.

“Where are we going, Sir?” He exhales, not able to handle you calling him Sir because fuck the thoughts going through his head are insane now.

“We’ll be there soon, I think you’ll like it though?”

“I’m nervous.”

“Me too.” He admits, looking at you as the lights of cars drive by, reflecting against your pretty face as he drives you through the night, catching each one of your features just so every time. “Breathtaking.”

“Oh stop.” He hums a bit, big hands squeezing your thigh gently, thumb brushing along your inner thigh now, you shift just a bit. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for being so pretty.”

“Whatever, you’re too much.” You roll your eyes and his laugh fills the car. “I hated it, Cho, being apart.”

He exhales now, grip tightening. “God, me too. I couldn’t bear it, not at least seeing you for that one minute in the morning, it hurt.”

You feel the pain in his voice, no matter how much he tries to hide it from you. “I couldn’t…”

“It’s okay, angel. I understand. You’re probably still hurting, but you’re here.”

“I am here. Terrified.”

“Me too.” Choso pulls up now, and you see it, a beautiful boat in the night, making you gasp at it.

“What!? Oh gosh, I expected a movie?”

“I thought we could have dinner here and just… talk? Relax together? Enjoy the view.” You nod excitedly, and soon you’re walking along the planks, alongside couples strolling arm and arm, Choso watches you carefully, as the breeze blows your hair around your face.

You look like art to him.

You are art to him.

“It’s gorgeous here my god!” Your hands are on the railing, looking up at the clear night sky, the gentle waves of the ocean rolling. Choso can’t keep his eyes off of you, when he agrees.

“Gorgeous.” You look to him then, heating up at his insinuation, at the way he’s looking at you so sweetly, so enamored. “I never meant to make you…”

“It’s fine, Cho.”

“No.” He tilts your chin up, with two long fingers, making you look up at him now. “I never meant to make you feel less than. Not good enough, or worthy enough, you’re worth everything.”

“Gonna make me cry right now?” You whisper, lips trembling, he aches to brush them against his, aches to make every part of you covered in his kisses.

“Just know I appreciate this night, even if it's only once.”

“Hush, Cho bear.” The nickname, so silly and cute, hits him with the nostalgia, of all the years you both were the best of friends, giggling and spending every moment together.

“I’ll hush then, let’s go eat.”

You find yourself across the table from him, you’re nervously eyeing the menu, eyes bulging out. “This is too much.”

“Stop it, please? I did really well for myself with the last show.” You hate that mention then, that you didn’t go. “Don’t be upset about it, I get it. We got your gifts which were very sweet you know.”

“I wanted to go so badly.” You look away, taking a breath, then he’s yanked his seat, dragging it across the floor with a screech, next to you, and you love it, his thigh brushing against yours, his sweet smile.

“It’s okay, I understand. I do. I know you have supported me always, I don’t know if I let you realize how much I appreciated it.”

“I can’t cry, I have on eyelashes, stop.” Choso laughs softly, leaning close and pulling up your menus.

“I’ve never gone on any kind of date to a fancy place, I wanted this to be with you, okay? It’s nothing. But…” He whispers then. “I have no clue what any of this stuff is?”

“Me either! No pictures!?” You lean over then to a couple near you, they smile at you both. “Any advice?”

“I picked the filet mignon, at least I knew the word.” She says, you giggle, nodding then and peeking at Cho.

“That one?” Soon you’re giving the waitress your order, and you can’t help but notice that she’s flirting with him, but instead of how he’d usually be sweet and hopelessly clueless, he wraps an arm around your waist, as if showing that he’s here with you.

It’s everything you’ve ever wanted in one gesture.

Ino picking his ex over you, Satoru having picked random girls over you, and a serious lack of dating has made your shitty limited experience have you extra insecure, something you realized this past month. Choso even just calling you his friend, though it was true, had hurt deeply once you were intimate.

You’re trying to take it slow, one moment at a time, but god he feels so good, against you, with you. He’s cutting at your steak and feeding you little bites, you both sip wine and just enjoy each other as the boat sways through the water. It’s unlike any date you’ve had, you don’t have to get to know him, don’t have to impress him. He’s Choso Kamo, the man you’ve adored forever.

“So it’s a date, what’s your favorite color?” He teases, you snort in laughter, rolling your eyes.

“Oh stop like you haven’t known since middle school, it’s blue. What’s your favorite color, emo boy, black?”

“Emo boy!?” You are both losing it with laughter, with his every little touch, his sweet smile, he carves his damn place further in your heart.

The dessert comes, a chocolate lava cake with a scoop of ice cream, and you laugh at his messy eating, the way he gets chocolate on the corner of his mouth. “You’re so messy.”

“So were you, I remember.” His husky tone makes your mouth drop open, desire clutching you tightly, especially when he licks it off, you can’t help but remember the taste of him, the feeling of his body against yours, the way that tongue just fucking did things.

You clear your throat, trying to shake the thoughts away. “Not gentlemanly, now is it?”

“It’s not, I’m sowwy.” He gives you puppy dog eyes, and you can’t take how cute he is then. You laugh softly, wiping a smudge of chocolate from his face with your thumb. “What’s so funny?” He asks, licking his lips.

“You are.” You reply, unable to stop smiling.

“Am I?” You nod, he’s so close then, his hand on your thigh under the table cloth, you have insane thoughts, what would it be like for him to play with you, right here?

“Shit.”

“Shit what?”

“Nothing.” You sigh, running fingers through your locks now.

“Open up.” Why does everything sound so attractive!? You do as he commands, opening your mouth for him to fork a piece of the chocolate cake, you chew thoughtfully as he watches you with avid attention. 

“Food on my face?”

“N-no. Just so pretty.” He’s blushing now, it takes everything not to completely melt, but you’re still a little scared, a little hurt.

When he’s driving you back and you’re in the car, it also takes everything not to jump him then and there, not to let everything overwhelm you. His hand rests on your knee, smiling over at you when you pull up, the tension is still there, the words so unspoken, you want to say more, do more, but you know you shouldn’t yet.

“Would you like to go to our concert this weekend? I would really love it if you came… I may have a surprise I’m working on.”

“I’d love to, Cho. I miss seeing you guys.”

“Megumi and Yuuji really miss you too.” The guilt eats at you, Choso notices, frowning, dark brows drawn together. “I don’t say that to make you feel bad, they understand somewhat.”

“We fucked up so bad.” You blink rapidly, suddenly the car is too small, your hand going to the handle. “I should say good night.”

“Let me.” Choso is opening your door then, taking your hand in his, and you feel it, those butterflies swirling in your tummy, the desire for him in every way possible, as you give him a little tremulous smile. “Can I walk you to your door?”

“You can indeed, Sir.” You’re smiling so big you can’t stand it, you both are on your porch now, your hand still in his, which he brings to his lips, planting a kiss on your knuckles. “You’re like an Emo Disney Prince, Cho.”

“A what!?” You’re giggling again and he snorts in laughter, covering his face. He laughs so hard, and soon you’re just both laughing, looking at each other. He cups your face then, making your pulse race, your laughter easing now, as you stare at him. “You look so beautiful like this.”

“Snorting in laughter?” You ask with a quirk to your lips, he nods then, brushing his thumb on the apple of your cheek.

“Much better than tears.” There is so much between you both, a part of you wants to run inside and hide, another part wants to drag him in and kiss every part of him, but your hand goes to his chest, feeling his heart racing just like yours, just feeling him, being with him.

“I love seeing you smile. I can’t believe we ruined it.” Your whisper breaks him, he shakes his head then, leaning even lower.

“We didn’t ruin anything, maybe we… changed things?”

“You think? Can you… forgive me too?”

“Oh angel, there’s nothing to forgive. We both made a mess of this and hurt each other, but I never once was mad at you.” You step even closer now, swallowing nervously, your hands sliding up to wrap around his neck now, one of his arms wraps your waist. 

 “Thank you for a beautiful evening, Choso Kamo.” You murmur, a little smile on your lips.

“Thank you for being you.” He whispers, the warmth of his palm seeping through your dress, making you gasp at it, just the brush of his fingers down your back ends you damn near. Your eyes flutter shut, feeling his breath against your skin, waiting for it, waiting for his kiss.

But he just watches you, with your lips pursed, and your eyes shut, his heart fucking stopped now. He knew it, that he loved you, he had suspected it for so long, but then and there he knew he was madly in love with you. Part of him wants to give you a sweet kiss, the other wants to fuck you so good you forget Gojo ever touched you, warring parts in his mind.

His thumb tilts your chin up, and he pauses. “May I kiss you?”

Your eyes open in surprise. “You may.”

As his lips brush against yours, it’s at first sweet and lingering, but then it is like a spark ignites a flame, a passionate desperate kiss that you both crave forms, tongues dancing together, tasting the sweetness of the desert on both of your lips, the tart of the wine, and tasting each other.

Your hands are in his hair, his arms around your waist as he bends over you, you’re both lost in it, lost in each other. His thumbs trace little circles on the small of your back, making you arch into him, his kisses becoming more insistent, more needy. You feel it, the desire coiling in your tummy as he presses you even closer against his hard body, as one of his hands entangles in your hair.

You break apart for a moment, both of you panting, staring at each other, his eyes are full of desire, his pupils blown wide, and you see in his own eyes your face, lips parted, your own eyes lidded with desire. You both ease back, he rests his forehead on yours, desire coursing through his veins.

“It’s taking everything in me not to go inside, to have your taste all over me.” His words end you almost, you’re panting softly, nodding then.

“I know, I want it too.” He kisses you again, softer and easier, taking a deep breath and stepping back, leaving just a couple of inches between you now.

“I want to do things right this time. I want you to feel you’re put first. Please, don’t cry, angel.” You can’t help it, it’s everything you’ve wanted and needed to hear from him, tears streaming silently.

“They’re happy tears this time.” You manage to whisper, he exhales then, brushing them gently, kissing your cheeks.

“I hope soon I can ask you to be my girlfriend.” Your heart stutters then, he tenses as if he’s said something wrong. “Not yet I mean… if…”

“N-no, I’d like it soon. I agree we shouldn’t go further tonight though.” He nods quickly, kissing you once more and standing straight, clearing his throat, he’s rubbing the back of his neck all awkward and cute, the Choso you’ve known forever. “You’re still you, hmm?”

His lips turn up a bit. “I’m still me. You’re still you.”

“I am still me. Text me the details of the concert? I’ll be there.” He beams brightly at that.

“Yeah!?”

“Yeah. Good night, Choso. Thank you.”

“Good night.” After he’s watched you go inside, Choso is covering his face, breath coming so quick, he’s kissed you, and not just as some prelude to sex, no he kissed you after a date.

Everything in him is melting, things aren’t completely lost like he thought, it’s like this beautiful rainbow has entered his world again, illuminating the darkness that losing you had left behind. He’s not even sure he deserves your forgiveness, but he knows he will make sure he earns it properly. He stares at your shut door for some time before he leaves, the longing making him ache.

You’re covering your face, a huge fucking smile on it, as your back is against the door, then you have a hand on your heart, feeling it beat again, for the first time in weeks. You take off your heels, unzipping your dress then, heading to the bathroom to start taking off your makeup, mind whirling. Choso wasn’t lost, and maybe you weren’t lost either.

You try not to get your hopes too high, to not be too quick to think everything will be fine, you both hurt each other deeply, and you have a lot to go, but tonight made the dark bright again, made you realize Choso was your brightness. When you’re in bed, snuggled under the blankets, your phone buzzes and you look quickly to see it, a text from Choso.

Cho Bear: I hope you have a good night, but I have to admit… I’d die to have you in my arms.

His text hits hard, it hits brutal, it was only one night he’d held you like that, but you can’t get it out of your head, how it felt perfect. Like you were supposed to be there, safe and protected, cherished. Even now to think of him holding you brings emotions forwards, the longing in his words matching yours.

You: That would be lovely, I enjoyed that night.

Cho Bear: I enjoyed it too much, especially watching you sleep.

You: Creepy sleep stalker!

Cho Bear: A little bit.

You’re giggling again, eyes heavy now, and he sends the details of the concert coming up while you yawn.

You: I can’t wait, good night Cho.

Cho Bear: Good night, pretty.

You also see a text from Utahime, asking for details, you’re half asleep with one eye open as you text her back that it was so fun. She had encouraged you to go and give it a try, and you’re so happy you did. She gives you a million heart emojis then, making you smile sleepily.

To be in Choso’s arms, you don’t know if you’ll get there any time soon, but in your dreams, there you are.

*****

“She came!” Yuuji exclaims that weekend, you and Choso were back to him bringing you that coffee at work, in fact it came along with a little peck on your cheek every morning. It would make you think of him all day, it would put this goofy smile on your face, but aside from that, you haven’t seen him.

The concert is at a very popular club in the city, and it’s packed, there is Choso’s band and a couple others there, when you walk in and you see them. Yuuji waves excitedly, Megumi gives a little nod, and Choso brightens up, calling your name and waving you up to the stage then.

“You came!” He picks you up in his arms then, a giant bear hug that makes you feel so small as he lifts you up, you hug him around the neck as your feet dangle off the ground, smiling against his cheek.

“Of course I did, I couldn't miss it.” He eases you down as some onlookers come, one including Amber, who makes Choso tense as she strides up.

“Choso, I haven’t talked to you! In forever…”

“Is that your girl?” Another girl asks, Amber laughs then.

“They’re friends.”

You gulp now, panicking as several people come around curiously, and you want to fall into a fucking hole, terrified of what his answer will be, you’re not together yet, so whatever he says…

“No, she’s my girl.” You blink up at him, gasping, he eases you down and wraps an arm around your waist as the whispers start.

“Your girl?” Amber asks, arms crossed with a scowl.

“She’s pretty!” Someone else says, making you flush, snuggling up to Choso, leaning up to whisper in his ear.

“You don’t have to do this.”

He looks at you then, shaking his head. “I want to.” He murmurs, pressing a little kiss on your lips in front of everyone, Megumi and Yuuji are grinning as the girls are babbling, and people from the crowd ooh and ahh. But Amber?

“Really? Her?” Choso tenses then, glaring over at her.

“Yeah, her, what’s that mean?”

“Cho, it’s okay…”

Amber stomps up to him then, leaning close. “You forgot the last time we hung out?”

“I’d love to forget. You can go on if you mean to insult her, because damned if she’s not perfect.”

“Perfect?”

“Why don’t you go on?” Megumi says then, eyeing a bouncer. “Or we could have you escorted?”

“Whatever.” She grumbles, dragging her friends out with her, and suddenly you can breathe just a bit, looking up at him.

“You didn’t have to say all that, it’s okay really.”

“It’s not okay for her to talk that way. She’s nothing.” He cups your face, forgetting the audience right along with you, until Yuuji clears his throat, and you smile at them, tummy doing fucking flips at how good you feel.

“Thanks Megumi.” You say softly, he shrugs.

“She’s a bitch.” You snort a bit, covering your mouth, looking up at Choso again, who has a more serious expression.

“Is it fine I called you my girl?” He asks, you feel it, his nerves then, you nod with the biggest smile, and he exhales. “Okay, good, because I want it to be true.”

“Maybe it will be, let’s see this surprise.” You tease, pecking a kiss on his lips softly again. “I can’t wait.”

As you’re sipping on a drink you watch them start their set, you’re right up front and center, watching Choso’s finger strum the guitar like they’re made to do it, he leans close to the mic and starts singing. His voice resonates through the entire room, earning everyone’s avid attention, including of course, yours.

You watch him intently, as he performs songs you’ve known forever, you’re cheering and dancing and he keeps smiling at you, keeps looking at you. You feel so special then, more than you can ever remember feeling, the fear dissipating with every honeyed flick of his fingers on the guitar, at moments you shut your eyes and just let it wash through you.

You head to get another drink as they prep for the next song, when suddenly there’s a hushed quiet when Choso speaks, making you turn back around and stare at him.

“This song was written in a rush, these two had to learn it so fast, they probably wanna kick my ass.” He says, the crowd laughs a bit, you’re headed back through them with your drink, smiling up at Choso curiously. “But it’s dedicated to someone special, someone I’ve known forever, but who has become very special to me.”

He says your name then.

You can hardly remember your name before he spoke it, before he looked at you like that, and he’s pointing at you, earning the crowd parting just a bit for you. You feel the heat of everyone’s gaze, hear their murmurs, but you’re too entranced and in shock to really see anything but violet eyes across from you on the stage.

“I hope you… I know you’ll get it.” He says then, hoping the lights on the stage didn’t make his blush show too much, then he begins playing, as do Megumi and Yuuji, a melodic tune that sounds nothing like you’ve heard from them.

A/N: *disclaimer I am no songwriter, be easy on me lol*

When the world fades to gray and all I can see is you,

When the nights blend to days and all I feel is you.

The smile on your face it dances across all my dreams,

Feelings so raw it’s like I’m bursting at the seams.

The melody is soft, it’s not their usual rock music, it’s a ballad so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes, hearing the hoarseness of Choso’s voice as he pours his heart into every word. You sniffle and take a shaky sip, trembling as everyone watches you both in wonder, but it is just you two, isn’t it? Hasn’t it always been?

I’d die to have you in my arms every night,

Oh what I’d do to hold you so tight.

To press kisses along your lips,

To touch you with fingertips.

You’re heating up now, breathless as you continue to watch, utterly enamored, it’s as if you feel these words like a physical touch, overheating your body. You break apart that last barrier of fear, piece by piece, because you can’t just make this up, you can feel it, all of him, in all his sincerity.

In a crowded room all I see is you,

Praying at night for all my dreams to come true.

A girl with a smile that can brighten my heart,

A girl with eyes that tear me apart.

Your eyes are a mess, you’re absolutely sure that there is makeup running down your face, as he melody continues, as he starts pouring his heart to you, as he makes you smile, as he makes you melt. You’re trembling so hard your knees nearly knock, aching to be held by him, for him to never let go. You know you have to take things slow, but at this moment it feels impossible.

Feelings I’ve always known,

Feelings I’ve never shown.

She’s the girl that you write songs for,

She’s the girl that I’ve longed for.

By my side through it all,

Never knew we could fall.

The realization that I have come to,

That there’s nobody but you

At that moment you’re a mess, he ends the song but before he can finish you’ve jumped on the stage, he swings his guitar behind him, and you kiss him, pulling him down to you as everyone claps for him. It’s thunderous, but you don’t hear shit, just your pulse racing, just Choso’s heart thudding, he pulls back with tears in his eyes, breaths coming so quick.

“Choso, I hear you. I feel you.” You whisper, brokenly then, and he kisses you deeply, arms wrapping around you.

“I do mean it, I mean it all angel.” You nod, swiping at your tears and smiling so brightly, he leans close, cupping your face, smiling.

“Finish the set.” You whisper, giggling then as you hop off the stage, everyone is enamored as Choso clears his throat, and they start their usual fare. You head to the bathroom, slamming into Amber then, who scoffs at you.

“You, hmm?” She demands, earning your glare.

“What’s your problem with me? It’s not like you and Choso dated.”

“No? Well he sure had his cock in my mouth.”

You tense now. “And? We weren’t together.”

“Don’t you think…” She leans close. “That if he really wanted you, he’d have been with you this entire time?”

“I…” Your mind whirls with doubt, she smiles all nasty at you.

“No worries, I got Gojo’s number, maybe I’ll take your other guy?”

“Psh, like I care about Gojo. Please do, maybe he’ll quit sending me his dick pics.” You say, smirking at her then, she is furious at you.

“He said you’re just friends, you know.”

“Yeah well, I don’t care what he said. It doesn’t matter. We’re not ‘just friends’ any longer, so I expect you to back the fuck off hmm?” You step right to her, damn near nose to nose, and she backs up just a step.

“We’ll see about all that.” She walks off now, leaving you shaky as you peer into the mirror, you feel sick at thinking of them together, once you pull yourself together somewhat you step out, seeing her all clinging to his arm.

Choso shrugs her off though, glaring, and when he sees you he starts walking your way, filling you with so much relief, it’s like you can breathe again. “Was she a bitch to you?”

“Yeah, she’s really salty.” Choso snorts then, kissing you gently for everyone to see. “I hate that you were with her.”

“I hate you were with him.” He murmurs, leaning close to your ear. “How slow are we taking this?”

“Mmm…” You trail your hands down his strong arms. “We said slow…”

“I could eat you out really slow?” Your eyes shoot up to his, god you haven’t been touched that way in so long, and by him especially, you feel his words shoot between your thighs. “I want to feel you cum so badly, watch your pretty face, your last time cumming was…”

“Thinking of you.” You cut him off, surprising him then. “It was playing with myself, thinking of you.”

“Fuck…” Choso kisses you deeper, pressing you against the wall right by the bathroom, his hands on your waist, pressing in. “I’ll take it slow, whatever it is you want to do, I will.”

“You wanna lick me slow huh?” You’re giggling at the thought. “Lick me where, Choso?”

“You know where, you’re so bratty right now.” You can’t stop your giggles, making him desire you even more. “Don’t I owe you a couple orgasms?”

“Maybe you do. Two I think.”

“So I’ll give you two, and we won’t go further… yet.”

“Where?” He exhales now.

“I want you home… I mean… my home.”

“Staying the night is a lot really quick, this is like our second date?” You tease, he smiles shyly then.

“We can just cuddle, we can do anything. Please just come home… over to my home…”

“You’ve said that twice.” He is a blushing mess, it melts you. “I’ll come over for a night cap then.”

“Yeah!?”

You laugh, nodding. Soon you’re pulling into Choso’s home, and it’s a little nerve wracking. Then you remember the last time you were in his bed, you don’t know how you hold back. Choso’s bending down, slipping off your heels, pecking kisses up your thighs then, earning your gasp as you’re dripping wet in your panties.

“Wanna get more comfy?” He asks softly, you nod shyly then, and soon you’re only wearing one of his soft band tees, coming out to see Choso has made you a drink, he hands it to you as you walk in the kitchen, leaning on the counter then. “You’re so beautiful.” He says, brushing your hair back.

“You’re beautiful, Cho bear.” He shakes his head with a little eye roll.

“You always sucked at taking compliments.”

“I know, ugh.” You sip on the drink in the quiet kitchen then, he bends over you, arms on either side of the counter.

“Do you know how badly I wanna fuck any memory out of your head of him?” His words hit you violently, your pussy throbs around nothing. “I won’t yet, but if you think I don’t you’re insane.”

“I… you…”

“I’ll settle for licking the memories out of your pretty head.” You can’t stop the whine from the back of your throat then, only urging him on, he’s got you lifted on his counter then, shocking you. “Let me take care of you, angel, yeah? Just like that first night, when I first tasted you.”

“Please.” Is all you manage, and Choso’s slipping up your shirt, moaning when he finds you bare, sinking to his knees then, he’s so tall it puts him right at face height with your pussy, which his breath alone makes you jerk. “Cho…”

“So fucking perfect.” He swipes a tongue up your slit, your hands enwrap in his dark silky locks, as he shoves your thighs apart, tongue ring hitting your clit. “Mmm… so yummy, fuck.” He huffs now, black blunt nails pressing into the plush of your thighs as he slips his tongue up again.

“Cho!” You whimper, already pathetic, he watches the arousal pool from your little hole, making him throb, cock so hard he can’t take it. He starts drinking you up, the slurping sounds in the kitchen erotic, as his barbell keeps flicking over and over. “Oh my god…”

You’re already close, it’s so quick but he knows you, he knows your pussy, where you like it, what pressure, and when he’s sucking your clit in his mouth, humming on it and watching you, you fall apart. You can’t hold back at all, cumming so much it’s a mess, all over his face, which he eagerly drinks while you’re yanking his hair so hard it hurts, but it makes him harder.

“Good girl, that’s it.” Choso murmurs when he pulls back, you’re blinking vision back, blinded then, taking several breaths as he leans up, slipping a finger in your slick walls, which clench him. “So tight, fuck… soaking me, huh angel?”

“Mnh…” You can’t manage a word, hearing your greedy pussy sucking his fingers so deep. He’s curling it up, leaning to you, lips brushing yours, you lick yourself right off him, hands shaking as you clutch his shirt. “M-missed it… f-fuck…”

“I missed you, missed feeling you.” Choso’s words, his finger curling sends you back over that edge, your eyes roll back, head falling, he kisses down your throat then, slipping another finger. “Feel that stretch, huh baby?”

“Ngh!” You nod, gasping when he’s back down, using his fingers and his mouth at the same time, bringing you higher and higher, all while violet, dilated eyes watch your every expression. Choso’s pulsing himself then, as your walls flutter around him, as your slick pools down his wrist, so slippery now, all while he drinks you, watching you fall apart.

You’re shaking violently, thighs closing around his head as the orgasm washes over you, as the coil in your tummy releases, your scream is so loud your voice breaks in the middle. You’re sobbing when he’s done, it’s so fucking good, gasping for breath, he places a kiss on your pussy then, groaning at it, and you desperately yank him to you, kissing him.

He moans, deepening the kiss, and he feels it then, the sticky hot cum from eating you out start pouring in his sweats, he panics at it, pulling back, and looking at your cock drunk face, eyes dilated so much he can barely see the iris. Your cunt is drooling, he leans down to lap it up again, whimpering as his cock pushes out more cum, picturing it in you.

“Cho, lemme take care of-”

“Ah, no… I already…”

He leans up now, blushing furiously, and your eyes dart down, seeing it now, soaking wet spot on his sweats, sticky white pooling through the material. “I didn’t touch you?”

“You didn’t have to.” He smiles nervously, exhaling. “I’m sorry-”

“No! No… it means you really love it.” You whisper, biting your lip as he eases you off the counter. Choso cups your face carefully, words of love threatening to spill, but he doesn’t know if you’re ready yet.

“Loving it is an understatement, watching you cum? Your pretty face? The way your body shakes? I can’t explain it. And your taste, how wet you get… I couldn’t take it, it just… happened.” You giggle now, earning his glare. “Are you laughing at me? That cruel, hmm?”

“No, I’m just… it’s so cute!”

“Cute? Ugh.”

“I’m sorry it is sweet, and cute… and flattering.” You kiss him over and over, uncaring as his sticky lap presses against your tummy. “I can clean you up?’

“Oh god, I won’t make that right now. No, I want it for you, tonight.”

“Like the first night?”

“Mhmm.” He kisses your forehead now, exhaling. “Let me clean up and we can cuddle, if you want?”

“I want.”

Soon you’re back somewhere you never thought you’d be again, Choso Kamo’s strong arms, he’s got one wrapped around you as you lay on his chest, trailing little circles mindlessly against his bare skin, over his tattoos. You know the story behind them all, you went to him with most of them, but you can’t help but find them incredibly sexy.

His other hand brushes up and down your spine, making you shiver and hum just a bit, you lean your chin up, looking at him then, feeling the words threatening to spill, but not just yet. “I’m still scared, Cho bear.”

He frowns at that, sighing. “I know, angel. I know.”

“I want to say more, but…”

“You can wait, we have all the time, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You kiss him and smile, blissed out from his presence, from the pleasure he brings you.

“How about another date?” You nod eagerly, smiling against his neck as you snuggle up to him.

“I’d love that. I’ll pick it?”

“You’ll pick it.”

“I hope Amber will fuck off by the way?”

“You can beat her up?”

“I could.” He moans at that, yanking you closer.

“Hot.” You both giggle. “I didn’t enjoy it with her. Physical and nothing else? It felt so…”

“Empty.”

“Yeah, empty. But fuck I can’t forget the hurt on your face, and I hate it still, that it made you…”

“Cho…”

“I hate him, I’m sorry. It’s like he knew you were upset and thrived off it.” You wince now, shaking your head.

“He just wanted fun, I doubt it.”

“You’re too sweet sometimes. If I see him? I can’t make promises.”

“You’ll kick his ass for my honor huh?” He chuckles.

“For lots of reasons, starting with high school. Even then, I wish…”

“It’s okay, we have now. Let’s not focus on back then.” He wishes he could change it all though, take away your pain, but he’s so thankful, he nods now, kissing your head and continuing his gentle touches. “This feels so perfect. It’s scary how perfect.”

“It is perfect. Good night, angel.” You yawn, smiling and shutting your eyes, snuggling deeper as you fall into a slumber, the tentative happiness making you sleep quickly, though there’s fear in both your hearts, of what could come between you.

“I… love you. I’m in love with you.” Choso whispers, as he hears you lightly snore, making his heart swell in his chest, hoping one day soon he can tell you.

A/N- I know the last chap was HEAVY with the angst, but they had to go through the worst and a seperation, truly to find each other. The story isn't over, and not done yet, but I hope you're enjoying it even if it got dark for a bit here! I look forward to your comments

Taglist: @erencvlt @antisocialinlw @aquamarine001 @maskedpacific @mima0127 @yxnnu @lana18918 @bigbird789  @angellliqua @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @staygoldsquatchling02 @bts-psycho @lillycore @mysticalnightbeliever @wystriz @tokyolhtl @imabyssa @delicate-ray-of-sunshine @ivyvenus333 @ghostskilledmyaddiction21 @sparklydeerface @10honeybee01 @marie-is-in-the-dark @lavender-hvze @angelcakkess @bellasworlds-stuff @pauliiis-stuff @mysouleaten @city-of-lovers @teddiiursula @flowerbbybananamilk @anna-reader-blog @loveisnanami @nymphsdomain @mollyrocks420 @ilovemrsilver @kitzuuuu @skzynct

perma tags: @alt--er--love @seeing-stars-alt @nanasukii28 @labelt-san @cuntphoric

(rest tagged in comments!)

[sccrim]

CAMERA MAN !

warnings : ( unprotected pnv , degrading / praising , creampies , slapping , oral fem receiving , pornstar x drew , masturbation , sex tape , hair pulling , bondage , squirting )

you ask drew to help you film certain angles you couldn’t get right. drew agreeing just for it to end up in a way you didn’t really expect.

1.4k words. not proof read.

tags : @rissouu @dolliescries ( lmk if you want tags !! )

you and drew had been roommates for a while now. it wasn't weird that he was a man and you a woman. it was a mutual agreement that you guys both needed a place to stay. you didn't care if he brought girls home and he didn't care about men you brought. you actually glad you found him as your roommate. he was barley home and when he was— he was in his room.

you never implied that you were a pornstar but he did have the idea you were. he didn't care though. this was the same man who searched your name and jerked himself off to you. the ones he loved the most was when you would pleasure yourself coming to your high. your nipples piercing through your see through bra. the way your legs were opened so they had a better angle of seeing you cum. fuck maybe he did want to fuck the shit out of you and make sure you knew who he was.

drew was sitting on the couch scrolling through his phone when he heard your door open. "hey drew, i need a favor." you asked him. "yeah?" he questioned while seeing you in your robe. "can you help me film something really quickly. i can't get the angle right and i want this to be perfect." you softly smiled. you didn't want to ask him but you really wanted this to be good. this was how you were making money.

"yeah sure." he tried to act nonchalant but he knew what was up and he didn't mind at all. at least he got to see you touch yourself in real life then on video. "you probably already know but don't be so alarmed ok?" you closed your room door. "you're good y/n." he chuckled. "okay all i need is for you to film close ups and just whatever you think is good okay? i'll even pay you half of what i make for helping me." you took off your robe. drew eyed your whole body. the way your thong kissed your ass and lips. your red see through bra. "you're good. trust." of course he was fucking happy. he was gonna see you fuck yourself.

you put yourself on your bed and sat up against the headboard. drew nodded his head letting you know it pressed record. you began smiling at the camera and licked your fingers to get your pussy wet. you traveled down slowly while the camera following the trail. you began circling your clit. moaning softly. drew trying not to get hard. you grabbed your dildo and insert it. you moaned again causing drew to show the camera on your face.

you didn't know what was turning you on even more, drew staring at you, his hard ass dick or the feeling of your dildo. you turned your body around. now the camera sees your ass cheeks in the air. you insert the dildo once more causing you to hump it. god, drew wanted to fuck you bad. he wanted the camera to catch everything he did to you. your eyes meeting drew. you smiled and moaned at the same time knowing he was getting turned on. "wanna fuck me?" you finally spoke.

drew just looking at you, not knowing if you were talking to him or for the camera. "hm? wanna fuck the shit out of me." you bit your lip. "show them you can make me fucking cum all over your dick babe." fuck that just turned drew on even fucking more. he was ready and so were you. "turn over." he spoke. you turned your body once more. your body on the edge of the bed. you grabbed your boob causing drew to slap your hand out the way. you touching yourself as drew traveled his fingers across your body.

drew set the camera on your night stand for the perfect angle. he took his shirts off. his dick flopping against his abs. he spit on his hand and began stroking his dick. you couldn't wait for him to fuck the shit out of you. you wanted to see how good he felt. drew tapped his dick on your clit, you could feel the sensation of it causing you to soft moan. "how much you want me to fuck you?" he ask you as he rubbed his thumb on your clit. "really bad."

"sorry what? gotta speak up baby."

"please drew."

"so fucking wet for me. god, so beautiful laying here desperate for my fucking dick."

"be a good fucking slut and face down, ass up." drew turned you over so quick. you were even shocked but you couldn't wait to get pounded. "hands on your back." you listened and placed them behind your back. drew grabbing his belt and turning it into cuffs. "if you want to tap out let me know." he wants you to tap out. he wants to know that you can't take all of it.

drew just slams into you. "fuck." he moaned. "look at you, wet just for me. felt how easy going in was. turn your head to the camera." his fist around your hair making you face the camera. "show them how good i fuck you." your eyes rolling back. man he can fuck. "you feel so good ma." your pussy clinching around his cock. he grabbed your hips and kept thrusting into you. all you hear is your moans and his balls clapping against your ass checks.

"fuck baby, you look so beautiful taking this dick." drew slapped your ass. "i'm gonna cum—" he started to feel your body shake. "that's right, cum all over this dick." thrusting harder as your body came. "i'm not finish with you yet." drew took the belt off of your hands. you turned around and got on your knees. you began jerking him off before licking his thick tip. "be a good bitch and spit on it." he lifted your chin up. you spit on his dick before placing it in your mouth. "fuck, you feel so good."

he leaned his head back. still sucking, you grabbed his balls. all you can hear is drew moaning. he never felt this good before. you were still turned on. man this man was out of this world, you thought. "right there baby." he guided you. he made sure his dick was all in your mouth. the gagging, causing him to moan in pleasure.

"get up."

you followed his command. you laid on your back as he slammed into your throbbing pussy. he placed his hand on your neck, choking you softly— you smiling at him. "how will your fans feel knowing you rather get fucked by me then anyone else? hm?" he placed his thumb in your mouth. you sucking on it slowly causing him to fuck you even harder. "who's pussy is this?"

"yours."

"that's right, and it's gonna fucking stay like that. no one else is gonna fuck you."

man. drew starkey, the man you fucking are. "i'm gonna fucking cum." he moaned out still pounding you faster. "cum for me."

drew's body started to come to his high, his body twitching inside you. you could feel his cum shoot through you. drew trying to catch his breath. you lifted up a little bit with your elbow, touching your pussy, feeling his cum come out if you. drew watched you as you put his cum in your mouth. "such a dirty slut." he kissed you, placing his tongue in your mouth. "we're not finished." you looked at him in confusion. he got on his knees and put your legs over his shoulder.

"i want you to squirt in my mouth."

you laid back down when you felt his tongue on your clit. your hand gripping his hair as you began fucking his face. him moved his hand to grab your boob. this man made you feel things, you haven't felt. yeah you did collabs but it wasn't as amazing as this was. you tried to hold in longer because you loved the feeling of drew eating you out but your body began to shake. drew holding down your hands by your side as he kept the movement going.

"drew- im gonna—" you moaned out. you squirting all over him. you out of breath while drew smiled looking at you so weak. "you taste so good baby." he says leaning in kissing you. you both never thought this day would come that you guys would be doing this together or even kissing each other. but you weren't mad about it at all. you actually loved it. maybe deep down you guys both had feelings for each other.

drew grabbed the camera and stopped recording. he picked you up and put you in the shower. both of you guys showering together. "go on a date with me."

 sccrim — all rights reserved. please do not modify, repost , translate , or plagiarise my content.

[the-fab-fox]

This is so true. I recently saw a recipe for a really healthy meal on a recipe blog. I clicked the author's name and found my way to their actual domained website. In their about, I found the email. I have emailed them asking if there was a way to do the recipe but in a crockpot due to the pretty unsafe environment I live in—due to the skuzzy way my roommate/Subletter acts, I don't feel safe using the kitchen. I have not received an answer but from my experience sending out emails to people one would not generally consider, I know one of two things will happen. They will simply not respond (that is to say ignore or disregard my email) or they will answer and let me know if it can be done or let me know they don't have the time or energy to offer that solution. And these two options aren't bad at all. There's no consequence.

So even if they *don't* answer, what's the problem with asking when the worst outcome is simply no answer. You're literally losing nothing no matter the outcome, and more times than you think you're gaining something.

A few more examples on this:

I'm very much a networker. I am a people person and really good at striking up random conversations with people. Been that way my whole life. I just love interacting and helping people. (I'm a customer service professional of 20 years if that says anything).

I also am pretty intermediate with computers and very good at writing resumes and cover letters for job resumes and things like that. A lot of that comes from the fact that when I was younger, if I wanted something that could only come from a specific person/company/entity/etc, I would search and research until I found the contact needed.

Sometimes I'd be pleasantly surprised, sometimes not. But I never lost anything by trying.

A few times I was pleasantly surprised:

I was/am really into Criminal Minds as a TV show. Got into it in my 20s. It's become a comfort show (as weird as that is for a show about a fictionalized Behavioral Analysis Unit in the FBI). I was thinking... What would it take to be a BAU agent. It's probably nothing like the show so what's it like really. So I went on USAjobs.gov to look into it. Found contact for FBI. Emailed with a well edited and professional email (yes, this is absolutely important if you want to be taken seriously—if anyone would like me to draft up an example of what that could look like in a specific scenario, I'm happy to help!) as well as I could at the age I was at (basically, write it as well written and professional as you know how at where you're at now—don't try to "sound" professional and use big words. Just write as you but more formal). Lo and behold, I got my answer and it was quite thorough and they even warned me that the team as is seen on the show is very over glorified and the BAU mostly consults from afar and very rarely goes into the field. Lol. But you still have to pass the entrance exams which include physical.

2nd time, around the same time. I was a member of a Matthew Gray Gubler (Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds) fan blog on Live journal. (Really aging yourself, here, Finley 🤣) Anyway. There was a movie we heard of that MGG would be in but no one knew if it was true or really happening or if the project was still in the works or had been stalled. I did a Google search, found the movies official page, found a contact email or form. I was consise in my subject line and consise in my email (my thinking was entertainment people are gonna be hella busy so put my inquiry in as little but still respectful and professional words as possible. I stated who I was, my experience leading to my question (in this case I said something along the lines of 'my name is Finley Beckett and I'm a member of a Mattew Gray Gubler fan blog. The group of us have been looking forward to the movie that if coming out but we haven't heard anything about it or whether it's still happening or not. I was hoping that you might be able to shine some light on this. Also, due to the questionable relience of the internet these days, would it be at all possible to send some kind of proof that you are indeed the people behind the movie. I won't share with the group, of course, but that way I can with 100% confidence, inform them of your response). And two or so days later I got an email from the director of the movie himself (and keep in mind this was a lower budget film and pretty sure straight to DVD so obviously this would likely not work with someone like say George Lucas or Christopher Nolan or Stephen Spielberg) emailed me back and gave me not only what has been happening as far as movie production but as well as a few production stills that included MGG within them.

I've gotten to correspond with two of my favorite novelists due to finding their websites and through those, their contacts. (Business inquiry emails count as contacts). And one of them, probably my favorite author of all time (Tamora Pierce) even looked over some of my writing at the time and gave me some really great feedback. To this day I cherish this moment even if I've lost the email to time.

Ultimately, the biggest advice I can give on this sort of thing is best summed up in this quote:

"You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take. Even though there is only a 1-5% probably of scoring."

— Wayne Gretzky (not Michael Scott 🤣)

And I left in the second part because it confirms what I've said. Like yes, there's only a 1-5% chance of getting something out of reaching out, especially in this day and age.

That said, if you never try, that percentage stays at 0%. Full stop.

You're already at 0%, so it would make more sense if you tried because even if you fail, you're already at 0% so you've literally got nothing to lose, right?

IDK if any of this will help but I wanted to try just the same. (See what I did there? 😉)

[ineedpaigebuckets]

Do one where paige takes azzi to a haunted house attraction for Halloween, and azzi is holding on to her the whole way since she's scared

personal shield

an: i don't wanna hear it. it's bad. i don't care. if i get some good requests i might do more🤷‍♀️

--------------------------------------------------------------

azzi pov

"azzi come on you big baby, you'll literally have paige the whole time she's like your own personal shield." kk whines shaking my shoulders as she tries her best to convince me to come to the haunted house. i absolutely hated them because i got scared at everything and it was honestly just embarrassing, nobody really understood that i genuinely got scared. like i couldn't breathe, it hurt my chest, i genuinely got so scared. but i feel paige's arms snake around me from behind and i honestly think maybe it would be fine.

"come on you'll be just fine i gotchu, imma be here the whole time mama." her soft voice against my neck works wonders, i was beyond whipped for this white girl.

"fine." i mumble and i see ice throw her hands up in annoyance.

"i woulda called you mommy earlier if that got you to come." i cover my face as everyone bursts into laughs. the second all the girls pile into multiple cars my heart starts beating out of my chest. my leg is fidgeting up and down as i look out the window preparing myself for what's about to happen. paige was in the front seat singing along with jana so i was on my own. before we're even halfway in the park someone comes up behind me and screams causing me to run and scream letting out a sort of cry sound. i crouch down to the ground and the guy leaves to go scare someone else. paige tries to hide her laugh as she ribs a hand across my back as i stand up.

"paige shut the fuck up." i mumble and try to walk away but paige pulls me back into her side and i gladly accept the contact. i'm clinging onto paige's arm as another person jumps at me and i scream into paige's chest tears pooling in my eyes. paige presses a soft kiss to my forehead before we're walking in the door of the actual house.

"i gotchu baby, if you wanna leave just tell me okay?" her soft voice soothes me until i hear kk scream at a jump scare ahead and i flinch again. my breathing becoming faster and faster before someone crawls at me and paige grabbing my leg and pulling me away from her.

"stop." paige yells, she doesn't sound panicked or scared she sounds stern like she's parenting a child. the actor quickly lets go and moves on and paige pulls me out a side door into the cold fall air.

"sit down az." she points to the small wooden planks outside the building and sits right next to me pulling me into her side rubbing her hand up and down my bare back under my hoodie.

"m'sorry i made you come here, i know you hate these things." i shake my head and lean on her shoulder holding her hand in my lap.

"what happened to my personal shield?" i pout as i kinda calm myself down just by her touch. she laughs and we spend the rest of the night sitting out watching the stars waiting for everyone else.

[twst-drabbles]

Malleus 19

Summary: You're sick as a dog and all you wanna do is lay in bed. The little dragon Malleus, on the other hand, wants you to entertain him.

(Wanted to write about a little cutie. So here you go.)

Ough, you are in a pit of muggy heat and horrible, horrible mucus.

Why did you go out? Why did you decide to go to the festival on Kalim's insistence even though you knew you were coming down with something bad? Past you was a fool, and now you were paying the price for it.

You felt gross. You are gross. Ugh. Nothing to do but wait for this to pass over, and maybe take some meds if it becomes too much, or at least have something before bed so you don't wake up in the middle of the night.

You sighed, coughed when you breathed too quickly, then blindly reached out to the water you kept on your nightstand. Your fingers hit something cold, and you grasped it tightly without a second thought.

Squeak!

…that's not a sound a water bottle should make. That sounded more like a fart than a squeak.

You reluctantly lifted your head, then blinked at the glaring glowing green eyes. He opened his mouth and let a flicker of fire tickle your skin. Whoops.

"Oh," you loosened your grip and Malleus spread his wings, hovering in the air, "Though you were my water. Didn't mean to."

It's right behind him, shining beautifully in the light but, ugh, you'll have to stretch yourself to get it and you really don't want to move. Your muscles were sore from all the walking alongside the fact that your sick.

"Ugh. Well, do whatever you like, Malleus. I'm not feeling the best."

You sniffled and roughly cleared your throat as best you could. You didn't succeed, and now you have more mucus coating your lungs. Breathing is possible, but so very uncomfortable. Horrible. Horrendous.

You heard a few flaps and felt a small dip in your pillow. Two tiny hands patted at your head, then started to shove. You shook your head and flipped yourself to the other side of the bed. You'll get your water later, you're getting sleepy again. Besides, at least you have some soup to look forward to from Crowley. Kalim wanted to take cooking duties but he doesn't exactly have the best idea on what makes a good sick meal.

Small steps traveled over your plush pillows, and now the little dragon was pushing at your shoulder.

Ah, he wants you to get up, for whatever little dragon fae activities he has planned for the day.

"Don't," you lightly pushed him away, "I need sleep."

Little claws hooked onto your blanket, and a small body heaved itself onto your neck. Cool scales swept over your face, tickled your nose, and you shot right up to scramble for a tissue.

You let out a colossal sneeze. "Ough, thank you." You said to no one in particular, glad that you can actually breath again.

You crumpled up the tissue, tossed it into the trashcan, then finally noticed the spread eagle, frozen Malleus. He always had a set of wide eyes that looked at the world with a curious wonder, and if not mystified, then he's usually not thinking anything at all. Empty, empty eyes, but oh so expressive.

Right now, Malleus was looking at you with shock.

"What? Never seen a sick person before?" Your voice was still nasally as ever, but it's clearer than before, at least. "You've been around Silver. Shouldn't he have been sick once or twice?"

Another tickle bloomed from the back of your nose and you grasped another tissue. You scrunched up, ready to let another sneeze rip out, but it faded away as quickly as the wind when you saw Malleus dash under your pillows. Every part of him was swallowed. All you could see was his eerie green eyes.

You blinked, then something clicked. "…ah, my sneezes scare you."

Makes sense, you don't bother being quiet since you've lived here along for a little too long. You get used to having nobody over, so you've stopped being aware of just how loud you can be.

You blew your nose and sighed in relief. "If you want to go home, by all means. Because I'm not gonna stop sneezing anytime soon."

Malleus gave the littlest of growls, evidently annoyed. You squashed him under the pillow he took refuge in.

[writinginatree]

Kiss It Better

Relationship(s): Bodhi Durran/healer!reader

Summary: Bodhi shows up in the Healer Quadrant injured after a fight — again. With how often it happens lately, you're starting to suspect he's letting himself get hurt on purpose just so he has an excuse to come see you.

Dismissing your previous patient, you hurry on to the next. It's the day for challenges in the Riders Quadrant, which means even more of them are filling the beds of the infirmary than on normal days. Sure enough the person waiting on the next bed is dressed in black too, just like all five you'd treated today so far.

"What can I do for—" You break off when you actually look at the patient's face instead of just his uniform, and realize who it is sitting in front of you. "Bodhi?!"

"Hi, darling," your boyfriend greets you with a sheepish grin you don't return.

"What happened?" you demand to know instead. The only wound you can see on him is a small cut in his lower lip, but if that was all, he would've been turned away in favor of more seriously injured patients on such a busy day as this. "Is it bad? Show me where you're hurt!"

"It's not that bad," he assures you, and you relax a little, grateful he answered the most important question first. "Regular challenge, is all."

Still, his anatomical knowledge is hardly good enough to accurately judge if an injury is serious. He might think it isn't if it doesn't hurt much, but there are plenty of injuries that could be dangerous without feeling too bad.

"Show me!"

He lifts his shirt, revealing a fresh bruise blossoming across the side of his chest. "I think one or two of my ribs might have gotten cracked a little."

"Gods, Bodhi—"

"It's not that bad, really."

"Lie down and leave it to me to judge how bad it is. I'm the healer here, not you."

Bodhi does as you said, but can't stop himself from trying to soothe you. "Of course. I'm just saying, it barely even hurts. I wouldn't have bothered seeing a healer about it, but I knew you have infirmary duty today, so I figured—"

He interrupts himself with a hiss of pain when you touch your hand to the bruise, gingerly feeling along his ribs. There's some swelling, but no more than is normal for a bad bruise, and you can't feel any deformities from loose pieces of bone, either.

"Does it hurt when I press here?"

Bodhi nods, and you take your hand away, running it through his curls instead.

"How bad? On a scale of one to ten?"

"Six, maybe?"

"Okay... Take a deep breath. Does that make the pain worse?"

Doing as instructed, he winces. "Yeah, that hurts. But normal breathing doesn't."

You nod to yourself, already fairly certain it's just a small hairline break at the most. Painful enough, but by no means fatal.

As you continue to assess the severity of Bodhi's injury, your worry for him starts to ease, irritation rising in its stead. He's getting hurt much too often for your liking. It's not really his fault, you know, and it kind of comes with the job description of being a rider, but surely some of the injuries he has sought you out with could have been avoided if only he was a little more careful! Of course, it's not just him. After a year and a few months in the Healer Quadrant, you can confidently say that riders in general are reckless fools with zero regard for their own well-being — which is exactly why your fellow healer friends think you're insane for dating one of those daredevils with their thin-altitude-air-addled brains. While you love Bodhi dearly and wouldn't trade him for the world, your friends do have a point. Unlike you, your best friend never has to worry that her scribe boyfriend will wind up dead one day, nor does he add to the healers' already extensive enough workload by showing up injured every other day.

You shake your head at yourself. Now you're exaggerating. But Bodhi does make you worry a lot, and you can't even bring yourself to actually be mad at him for it. Not when he looks at you with that adoring smile, kissing your knuckles in thanks as you spread an ointment with a cooling effect over his bruised ribs.

"You're being careless lately," you say, the words coming out too softly to be taken as the accusation they're meant to be. "You never used to get hurt this often."

Bodhi just shrugs.

Having started dating at the end of your first year at Basgiath, you'd hoped to see less of him in your quadrant this year — as a patient, at least. But it seems second-year riders are no safer than their first-years. If anything, you've already seen more of Bodhi this year than you had in all your first year, though of course you hadn't payed as much attention to him then, so you might be misjudging.

You don't think you are, though. He's come seeking medical attention thrice in the last two weeks alone — conveniently always when you were on duty, you realize. You know he has your schedule memorized, so now that you think about it, it hardly seems like coincidence that every time he shows up it's when you're here. But it has to be, right? Surely he wouldn't be so stupid as to hurt himself on purpose just to see you... Right?

Faced with the way he's watching you — like a lovesick puppy, like you're the only thing in the world that matters — you're not so sure. It's true that classes and extracurricular responsibilities don't leave either of you as much free time to spend with the other as the both of you would like, but collecting injuries like this just for a few minutes more with you seems a little extreme.

And yet, you can't entirely put it past Bodhi. As a rider, extreme is kind of what he does.

Now that you've started thinking about it, you can't push the suspicion from your mind, so as you put the ointment aside, you decide to simply ask. "How come it's always when I'm on duty that you're getting hurt?"

Bodhi unsuccessfully fights a smile. "Luck?"

"Luck," you deadpan, now almost fully convinced he's been doing it on purpose. How fucking reckless can someone be?!

"Okay, you caught me. I might have been a little careless on purpose because I knew getting hurt would mean I get to see you."

"You're an idiot," you scold. "What if you'd gotten yourself hurt more seriously, huh? You won't get to see me at all anymore if you get yourself killed!"

"I wasn't that careless," Bodhi starts, but you're not in the mood to let him calm you down that easily.

"You can't control how badly someone hurts you when you let your guard down," you say. A look at the guilty look on his face has you softening a little. Cupping his cheek, you continue, "I wish we had more time together too, but I'd rather have you in one piece when I do get to see you."

Bodhi sighs. "I know. I'm sorry for being so reckless. Making you worry is the last thing I wanted."

"I know."

You peck his cheek, and reach for a cotton ball and antiseptic to disinfect Bodhi's split lip. He hisses at the sting, but you don't show any mercy until you're sure the cut is clean. A little pain now is better than possibly letting the wound become infected.

Bodhi gives you that adorable look you can never resist, tapping his bottom lip. "Kiss it better?"

You pretend to think about it, pursing your lips even as you want nothing more than to press them to his. "Only if you promise to be more careful," you finally say.

"Promise," he quickly agrees.

A little too quickly.

"I mean it, Bodhi. You've been lucky so far, but broken ribs aren't as harmless as you seem to think. If the fracture is bad enough the broken ends could pierce your lungs and kill you!"

He takes your hands, kissing each of your palms before answering, his voice taking on such serious a tone that you know he really means it when he says, "I'll be more careful. I promise. And I'm really sorry for making you worry about me."

You cup his face in both hands, tilting his head so you can press a soft kiss to his lips.

"Thank you," you mumble, and kiss him again. When he tries to deepen the kiss into something hungrier, you pull back, mindful of the cut in his lip. You rub your thumb over it, a slight smile on your own lips. "Careful, love, or it'll start bleeding again."

"Worth it," Bodhi shrugs and tries to kiss you again, pouting when you stop him with a finger over his mouth.

"Nuh-uh. Let it heal a little, then you can kiss me all you want on our date tomorrow."

"One more kiss," he pleads. "Just a little one."

You peck his lips one, two, three more times, finally forcing yourself to take a step back.

"I'll be in trouble if someone notices how long I'm taking with you," you say apologetically. "There's other patients requiring my attention."

Bodhi nods. "Right. I'll leave you to it, then."

"Not so fast." You push him back into his seat, turning to search through a shelf until you find the little ceramic container of pills you're looking for. You hand it to Bodhi, along with the ointment you'd applied to his ribs. "Here. Take one of these if the pain gets too bad. You can have up to three a day, but never less than five hours apart, okay?"

"Got it. Thanks."

"You can be generous with the cooling salve, but you'll probably only need it the first few days. It's only a small fracture, so it shouldn't give you too much trouble, but you do need to take it easy for a bit. Do not give me that look, Durran. If you overexert yourself that'll only make it heal slower."

"I know, I know. But I can still participate in challenges and stuff, right?"

You sigh. "I'd appreciate it if you took a day or two to actually rest, without sparring or any form of physical activity, but after that, yes. It should be fine, so long as you don't overdo it."

"I'll take it easy," Bodhi promises.

"And make sure you get enough sleep. Sleep is essential for your body's ability to heal itself, just like good nutrition." Smiling, you add, "You can drop by next week so I can check the healing progress."

Bodhi smiles back, and, rising to his feet, steals another kiss. "Sounds good. Then I'll stop distracting you from your work now. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow."

[summertimesadnessirl]

Look, I'm sorry. I used to make 7 paragraphs of excuses pathologizing myself because all my friends and family were inconsiderate and thoughtless and selfish, too.

But then I started working for a real estate office.

And I saw how when people think they're going to get money out of someone

Suddenly they understand how to code switch and treat people on an individual basis and learn their signals and remember things that are important to them or make them feel bad.

Sorry, but we're a pack species and we actually are responsible for taking care of members of our pack.

That's why shunning used to be a death sentence before we invented psychiatric hospitals and the repackaged and resale of fringe subcultures and all that.

Because human beings die when you tell them that none of the other humans are responsible for them.

I'm not saying your friends and family should have to read your mind but if they don't actively work to make you feel safer with them the longer that they know you and actively work to notice signs and patterns and things that comfort you and things that indicate that you might not be okay, that's not your friend.

I bet the reason you're anxious is that other people have a long and storied history of expecting that emotional labor from you and not giving it back, and then it got so bad they hired some magazine writers to tell you that your brain is defective when actually it's just that people have gotten accustomed to dealing with you in a one sided way your entire life.

I bet you're real good at figuring out what other people are feeling and thinking and what they need. I bet you do it all the time, like, compulsively, like most anxious people. And I bet they let you do it. I bet it's something they like about you and call a good quality like being thoughtful or caring or conscientious until such time as it means that they might need to reciprocate that level of care.

Sorry. Everyone is responsible for everyone else. That's why it's basically impossible to opt out of society and go live on your own. Even if you manage to not need them, they need you.

If drugs work for you that's cool, if therapy helps, that's fine. But most likely just admitting that other people owe you just as much as you owe them and there isn't something wrong with you will help just as much, if you the people around you will let you get away with it.

Our society is full of people who pretend to be stupid to get out of doing the work of giving a shit about other people and you can decide it's too hard to know that and believe a lie if it helps you, too.

But I want those people to stop believing it, so I have to post about it.

[trustmypoison]

SVT personalities

Requested? Yes!

Request: ‘Ot13 personality. E.g. how do YOU see them and think they're like‘ and ‘Can you write about who in svt in your opinion is the most similar to their on screen persona vs the most different and in what way? What do you think are some of thei shadow sides we don't see often?’

A/N: obligatory ‘this is just my opinion and I don’t know any of them personally’ warning. I could be wrong!!

Seungcheol

Very much the dad of the group, I don’t think that that is just for the cameras. I think he’s far more serious than we might see on camera - I think he’d have to be to keep the ship that is svt afloat. I think he does this with a ton of stubbornness. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing - a good thing because he’ll stubbornly stand up to the company on behalf of his members, but it could be a bad thing because that stubbornness might be turned towards his group members sometimes. I think he might have more of an ego than he lets on, but nothing like how he’s written in a lot of fanfic sometimes. 

Jeonghan

Mischievous as he is, I think a lot of the time, it is a mask. He likes a good laugh and causing a little chaos, but I think privately, he’d be pretty lowkey. I think this is based on personality as well as being one of the oldest, but I think he’d have a hard time letting people in with any sort of seriousness out of fear of being a burden to others. I think he might feel misunderstood a lot of the time, even by the people that he’s closest to. 

Joshua

Gentlemanly? Yes. Surprisingly chaotic? Yes. Shockingly stubborn? I think so! I think he kind of does what he wants sometimes, and it might cause some friction. I actually think he might have more of a temper than anyone recognizes. Don’t get me wrong, I think in conflict, he’d really try to be patient and listen, but he might feel pretty confident that he’s right and will get frustrated when someone doesn’t see it that way. I think he does care about those around him, but he might not always be the best at showing it. 

Jun

I really think he’s pretty spacey, to be honest. He’s a born entertainer, no doubt. But when he’s not entertaining, he seems a little checked out. There’s no way of knowing why, but I have my theories. It could just be his personality to be lost in his own head. Or he’s just sort of introverted when he’s amongst others, and it’s not his turn to be the center of attention. I think he has a lot of duality, though. When he’s trying to entertain someone, he sort of becomes a different person. 

Hoshi

I think he also has a lot more duality than anyone ever gives him credit for. For sure, he’s loud and excitable and affectionate. I think all of that is very true and not really an act. But I think he can be the most serious of all the members, really. And I don’t think this is just regarding work. I think he’d actually be one of the most caring of all of them and would not do anything to disguise it. I think the shadow side to this is simply that he just doesn’t get credit for how much others lean on him. 

Wonwoo

I think he’s actually pretty genuine as far as the Wonwoo we get to see. He is pretty reserved and lets others take the spotlight most of the time, but when it’s his turn, he knows how to turn on the charm. But… I sometimes wonder if he really likes his job? Like, I think he finds it rewarding most of the time, and he’s surely very talented, but sometimes he’s so stoic about it that I wonder if he really likes it all the time. 

Woozi

Okay. I think he’d be far more light-hearted if he didn’t carry so much burden in the group. You see snippets of that light-hearted attitude when he gets to just sit back and watch the others have a good time. As passionate as he is about what he does, I wonder if he’d be happier to do this more casually or without the pressures of being one of the primary visionaries for the group. I really worry about him, actually. 

DK

I think he’s the goofball that we all see. That’s not an act, and I don’t think he’s hamming it up for the camera like 90% of the time. In my mind, he is the sunshine personified that we all think he is. He seems incredibly caring and thoughtful, a mood-maker in the group. I’ve mentioned this before, but if there is a downside, it’s that he has a hard time being serious about something because he’d rather lift moods instead of dealing with bad ones. 

Mingyu

I think he’s also pretty genuine. Wants to play the big, tough guy, but we all recognize that he’s actually a total baby. Incredibly caring and thoughtful. If there is a hidden side, I think it’s that he���s far more intelligent than he gets credit for. I think he fills the niche of dumb jock (affectionate) in the group, and there’s not a lot of room for him to show that he has a lot more underneath the surface. 

Minghao

He does not seem to let others in when it comes to work. He’s there for work. But I think this is because he’s just intensely private. Even amongst people in his daily life, I think he’d have a hard time letting people in. I think privately, with close friends or family, he’s much more light-hearted than we ever get to see, though. He might even be pretty soft about the people close to him, but we’ll never know. 

Seungkwan

I think he thinks the world of those around him, so no one should take any of his side eyes or attitude seriously. I think behind all of that, he’s very soft and affectionate with his members. I don’t think any of that is surprising. But I do think he is beyond stubborn and likes to be right more than the average person. He has hills he would die on, and his stubbornness might put a wedge between him and others sometimes. 

Vernon

I think that 90% of the time, he’s a total loner who would prefer to be in his own head. But this is a hill I would die on. Being a loner doesn’t mean he’s inattentive!! As someone who is sort of a loner, please trust me, you notice a lot about others. I think he’s quietly very caring about those around him, though he’s pretty discreet about it most of the time. I think he’s another one that intensely values privacy and doing his own thing. 

Chan

I think he’s pretty reserved when he’s not on stage. That might surprise some people, but what I mean is that he is really good at chitchat, and it takes some serious time to get beyond the chitchat with him. When he does get comfortable with someone enough to let them in, I think he’d be very sweet and committed. I also think he’d have a bit of an ego. Nothing crazy, but he knows he’s good at his job and knows he’s attractive. 

[arcaneconfessions]

Actually,  I don't like the concept of Felicia because she oversimplifies the story and creates plot holes.

Now suddenly Vander didn't pick up two orphans because he blamed himself for the violence, and wanted it to stop. It's not because he saw how it affected the children of Zaun, and decided right there to make a change for the future.  But because he happened to know their mom (which then brings the question. If Felicia's kids are so important to him, why are they in the thick of things? You'd think they'd have them somewhere safer.)

Also, in season one act one, Silco didn't know the kids. And even ignoring that plot hole, it still muddies things up.  Now his arc isn't about learning to care for a child, and understanding how that kind of personal connection can change your perspective. Because, he already cared for them before his sad sad case of amnesia. 

So now it's about him caring about the girls, then not caring, then caring about Jinx again. That's not an arc, that's a meandering circle. 

Instead of the men bonding with the respective girls,  because of their own personality and history. Where Vander was dealing with his own guilt, and trying to attone. Where Silco saw his own trauma reflected in Jinx, and chose to guide her in the way he wished to be. It's now “Oh they know their mom, that's why!” Which is far less intriguing and character driven.

Speaking of, instead of their fallout- and Vander’s subsequential murder attempt- being about the widening gap of their ideologies, or plans. It's now been boiled down to “When she died, I lost my head”

Okay, but that's worse. You do get how this is worse, right. Instead of Silco being the thing “worse than enforcers” as said before. He was someone mourning his friend, just to get nearly murdered by his other friend who decided to blame it all on him. 

Then, we're left to actually try to figure out when this drowning attempt even happened, since we now confirmed it's during the day of ash. Are we to believe that Vander dropped his gauntlets (symbolically representing his path of non violence) picked up the girls, tucked them into bed...then took Silco down by the river? That kind of flies in the face of the characterization Vander gave himself in the letter, of it being a heat of the moment thing.  Ya know, for Felicia.

And is now a good time to mention that Vander appears younger in the drowning flashback,  than he did in the opening scene? I was led to believe it happened years before. Absolutely muddled.

And, when everyone just happens to know everyone else, then the world just feels smaller. Which is a shame, because the team behind season one made non champion characters, to avoid this very feeling.

Not everything is about shipping, sometimes people hate bad writing…because it's bad. Also, she's in a committed relationship with Connol, and even having his baby. In what way would anyone assume that she's “getting in the way” of any ship? (Unless you have a Connol ship you're passionate about, I guess?)

You're not gonna convince me that inventing a fridged woman to slap on top of Silco and Vander’s backstory is feminist in any way. 

.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I'll try to be nice and polite about it because I really think you are coming from a good place: but the thing is you are just wrong.

At least based on my perspective as part of the Latam, all the factors you mentioned were struggles for you and others from the US to learn foreing languages happened here. The difference is that the average brazilian with no classes till maybe high school, the idea learning english is hard and boring and no incitive whastover still needs to know english to get okay-ish jobs, to study in certain academic fields, even to just deal with rude turists in some places. English is more and more becaming a skill that is unacessible but we still HAVE to get.

And this is by design. Is a way to keep us in our place, if we don't understand your language the oportunities created by the US egemony are closed to us and that makes less likely for people from Latin America, specially poor and native people, to get even remotedly close to an even playing field.

The problem isn't simply that you guys don't know our languages is that not knowing our languages means nothing. Doors aren't closed to you the same way they are to us. In that way the biggest problem is that we are forced to know yours.

In Brazil in theory we learn english starting at middle school. When I went to school it was starting when we were eleven. If you ever went to an english class in most public schools or even rural private schools you know that's not really how it works. We spend ten years on the "to be" verb. English was the grade people did because it was easy since we didn't actually had to do shit. The very marjority of people I know don't know english and all the ones I know that do did not learn it from school. But all of them feel like they have to.

In a more personal level I love english, I always loved languages and I would have loved to have learned english at school for fun.

But I learned english because my parents begged from relatives and took extra hours at work to give me some classes and the classes didn't even work as much as I noticed how hard it was for them and had to find ways to make it work for me. And my parents did all that because my cousin failed a bunch of job interviews for not knowing english. They did that because according to them "knowing english was becaming less a skill that helped someone in getting a great job and more a skill you needed to have to get most jobs." Neither of my parents speak english. But they did their best so me and my brother could (mostly via making me teach my brother cause they couldn't pay lessons for the both of us).

I had none of that to help me learn spanish nor italian nor any language I would love to learn for fun if I had the time.

I didn't learn english because it was fun. My brother hates languages. He still learned english after painfull horrible lessons that made me give up on my dreams of ever being a teacher.

The problems are way deeper than your shitty educacional system and it angers people like us because we had all the same problems and were forced to learn your language anyway only to see someone go "well we never had the chance" when neither did we. And I understand that not being incentivized to learn sucks, we didn't either, but the problem is way deeper. They don't want us to learn your language. They want us to have to but fail so that can be used as a justification to deny us oportunities. Is why imigrant characthers with broken english are still a joke on your media.

And this is what this post and this conversation is about. Not knowing other languages might be a result of bad education, might even be by design. But not HAVING to DESPITE the lack of everything is a privilege. And this is the point.

I rarely bring this up because it feels like fairly silly and low-stakes compared to all the other effects of american imperialism, but one of the funniest things when Americans deny that living in the imperial core and the center of global cultural hegemony confers them any sort of privilege over people from the imperial periphery is that like. In order for this conversation where you tell me you have no privilege over me to even be able to take place one of us had to learn the other's language, and it wasn't you.

I think the fact that by default the onus of learning the other's language to enable communication is always put on the other side is a pretty significant privilege on the cultural front.

[therandomtoad]

Nerd Headcanons because this post was only supposed to be about one but I went a little wild-

I headcannon Richie as Aroace(Asexual, Demi-romantic), so I like to imagine Grace befriending him due to his lack of interest, and then becoming borderline obsessed with him due to how completely abstinent he is, meanwhile he's just like, "Why are you even here? Go away"

I also headcannon that Ruth is the only reason Richie and Pete were even friends. The way I picture it is that Ruth and Pete had to do a math assignment together in middle school, and they weren't really working together, more like working around each other, and all the sudden Pete makes a dumb Star Wars reference and Ruth flips out. Like, she's so excited that she completely lights up and starts rambling to him about her headcannons and ships, and Pete just sits there kinda stunned until she brings up a headcannon that he actually thinks is interesting, So all the sudden the two are just having a conversation about the things that make the headcannon so good, and they get so invested in the conversation that they don't finish the assignment before the end of class, so Ruth invites Pete to sit with her a lunch the next day. So he goes to sit with her, and there's this blue haired weeb(idc if its not canon, Richie had a blue hair phase) who's arguing with her, when the weeb notices Pete and shoots him the nastiest, bitchiest look on the planet, and Pete's just like "i^i". And Ruth introduces Pete as her math buddy and starts talking about their Star Wars convo, and Richie goes on a rant about how Star Wars is stupid and Pete starts arguing his points, and is turns into an actual fight. And then later Ruth is talking to Pete later in class and Pete's like "Hey, Your friend sucks-" and Ruth is like "Yeah, he's such a bitch. Don't worry, I put pickle juice in his monster this morning" and Pete's just like "Wtf bro, what is your friendship-"

And the reason that Richie and Ruth are friends is because in elementary school, Ruth used to eat glue and Richie used to doodle girls in pretty dresses so he got picked on. So Ruth just kind of adopted him as her friend, and they just naturally developed a sibling like bond over time.

I also headcannon that Ruth's parents were also nerds, and they like nerdy shit things and are super supportive(Ruth and Esther would totally get along. They're Cousins or siblings, take your pick), But Richie has a weird dynamic with his family, where he's not really understood by them so he gets more territorial over his interests, and Ruth understands that so she lets him ramble about whatever he wants, even if he's kind of being a dick about it. I also Headcannon that Richie was actually on the swim team for a while(I grabbed that headcannona from someone else), and was way more chill being able to connect with others, but Max saw Kyle talking to Richie after swim practice before a football game, and he started spreading rumors that Richie was gay, and eventually he dropped out due to harassment.

Pete and Riche would've gotten along way better while Richie was on the swim team, and they probably considered themselves actual friends, but as Richie lost his feeling of belonging on the Swim team, their relationship would've deteriorated again, but Pete would've realized that he's just abd angst fucking bitch and hated him less for it.

Ruth totally looked into swimming the minute Richie said he was into it, and she totally helped him practice outside of school. She was the one cheering the loudest for him at meets, and she'd yell at him like a coach when they practiced together.

Ruth probably has people telling her to shut up all the time, so she's a fiesty little shit when it comes to clapbacks. She can think of them fast and on point, and likes to make a game out of it. Unfortunately, you cant do that on stage, so she feels helpless to defend herself and thats why she has such bad stage fright. She's probably a really, really good actor, too. I imagine her being able to break down sobbing like her baby was hit by a car, only to smile and bow Meer seconds later. She's probably fucking wonderful.

[bluebellowl]

Hello Bluebell! I LOVE your art style! It’s mesmerizing! As an autistic person, I enjoy submas thoroughly, and your content brings a smile to my face! So if you don’t mind, here’s a mindless rant about your fnaf au(I’m not even that big of a fnaf fan, your art is just that good)

None of the other animatronics are really allowed to interact with the twins, and they only us the transport when needed to move through the pizzaplex without being spotted. The twins are used to aid with the transport of of items(which is why they are so tall and bulky. Why hire staff to move work items around the place when you can use scrap to build animatronics for cheap that you don’t have to pay) they are beloved by the behind the scenes workers, and especially the engineers/mechanics. The twins are active 24/7, and can receive minor charge through their feet via the floor. When not moving people or work items, they patrol the warehouse area to ensure no intruders. Despite appearances, they love children and carry various candy/merch to give to them. When controlled by the virus, ingo acts as a lure due to his voice box, and he uses his booming voice to stun victims. Emmett is the one who catches the intruders due to his better movement. The victims are often taken to vanny, and in this state they believe they are helping a lost child find their way home. They are unaware they are dooming them to a worse fate. Both twins are semi fixable using parts you find scattered randomly around the plex and hidden details in the repair area. If both are recruited as allies they will defend you against music man and guide you through the subway tunnels to avoid detection. They get really messed up in the music man altercation, and when elesa and company come across them, the damage is too extensive to repair them both separately, so they are temporarily combined into an amalgam of both twins. They maintain their individual personalities and return to help the player in the burntrap fight. They lead the group out of the burning pizza plex. This is only unlocked if both are saved and allied. If only one is allied the other will become hyper aggressive and will become incredibly dangerous; Afton has complete control over them. If neither are rescued they wander the area under the pizza plex in search of their counterpart. They later return as enemies as you make your way down to the cellar in this version. They will ambush the player if they leave Freddy for too long. Their state is greatly deteriorated and they at this point are mindless murder drones. Anyways that’s all for now! Have a marvelous day!

First of all, thank you so much. I'm so happy you enjoy my fnaf submas AU so much >w<

And sorry for taking so long. I tend to gather asks until one day I actually answer them.

I am reading your idea with great interest, oh my~!

It's very different from what I'm imagining them as, but that's not a bad thing at all!

Using them more as working bots, instead of entertainment, is a great idea! I was wondering how they'd get in contact with visiting kids, but maybe they show up whenever stock needs to be refilled, carrying large crates and such, and you know kids! Big heavy machinery that moves stuff around productively??? Like tractors and trucks and trains??? Crazy cool to a lot of kids!! And then maybe there's an appeal of the odd ones out, the only animatronics that aren't in the stage light. Despite their tall statue, just feeling more down to earth, unlike the always locked away Glamrock colleagues.

(The actual upkeep of labor animatronics would probably be FAR more than any human worker driving forklifts, but nonono slave animatronics it is!)

I love how you think in gameplay! Imagine as the player the only media you see of them are children's drawings, fanart, stuff like that, cus since they're only labor bots they don't get official ads.

Both submas being completely out of it when under the virus works so well too! They want to serve and make people happy. They couldn't possibly comprehend that following orders could mean harming them!

I also love the idea of FazEnt not caring enough about them to invest enough money to fix them both. Why would they? Their software is one animatronic already; why not make them so in hardware too?

Enter: Jürgen!

Or it's like a robotic DID situation, one taking the backseat as the other is in control, being able to switch back and forth as needed. Another game mechanic?

If only one is befriended, I could see the other getting aggressive cus he thinks you're stealing his brother! I like to think they're super protective of each other.

[skelesunderthetale]

First kiss? How? 💕

Sans (Undertale) Sans wouldn't be the one making the first move, that's for sure. You'd have to be the one initiating or at least give him a sign that you would want to try out kissing. He's a bit romantic without even trying, so it'd be after a dinner date. It didn't need to be classy, you like him for his simplicity. If it had been a while since you guys were together, you would've been thinking about it for a while and would feel a bit relieved. But if it hasn't been a while, he would be surprised by your boldness. It'd be a soft smooch on the mouth. Red (Underfell) More straight forward, and it would happen not long after meeting if there was immediate flirting. If it's more of a slow burn, it would happen a short bit after getting together for real. After that, he's definitely not letting you go, he's very clingy sometimes and probably more than you. Probably annoying about it too, but tells you he's just teasing with a smirk on his face (he's not, he's hurt if you reject him). Blue (Underswap) Romance lord. Literally thinks it's wrong to kiss before dating, only hand holding allowed. If you meet him at a party or a bar, try to flirt and things go hot too quickly, he'll be the one to reject you. If you're his type (probably, I mean he doesn't have very high standards), he'll ask you out for a date the week after, he's a very busy skeleman! If you think you can kiss him after the first date, well... you guys aren't really there yet. He's very patient about it, and should be too if you want him that bad. After all this courtship, you find out he was worth the wait. Dream (Dreamtale) Another one that you'll need to make the first move for. It's not that he's shy, but that he feels like it's not his thing to do stuff like that. Add a bit of hyperselfconsciousness and awkwardness, and you have him when it comes to physical intimacy and romantic feelings. He can feel if you have good intentions or not, and if your heart is pure enough something between you two COULD happen. You also need his trust, and have to convince him that he can let himself loose more often. Nightmare (Dreamtale) Just like Dream, it's not that he's shy. For him it's because he just really hates it. If you want a chance at it, you have to take him by surprise, which isn't easy to start with. Also, you need to have a good friendship already or a nice enough relationship if you don't want him to rip you apart (and not in any of the possible good ways, I promise you). He's not gonna just blush and look away like in a cute comic, he's not a tsundere or whatever, Nightmare will stare into your soul until you apologise. Good luck guys! Ink (___tale) Ink thinks it's just a fun thing, if he knows you enough. Ask him and he'd probably do it, not directly on the mouth though. Of course he knows the meaning, and would ask you if you realise he's not really the type of guy you should consider as a future lover, but if you're sure that there's no other feelings involved, he's fine. But like... why do that though? Is it because you're curious about how a skeleton with an actual mouth feels like? Error (Errortale) Ouch, very hard to do that in general. He's a bit more easy to fall in love with than Ink or Nightmare, but he's still not the lovey-dovey guy from your dreams, and he knows that, and it irritates him. Even if he finds interest in you, or even loves you, it's hard for him to fight his phobia and fears. You need to be patient, and let him come to you first. Killer (Something New) Another one that doesn't really wait up on things like courting or relationship stages. You like him? What the hell but damn he likes you too so let's go! He has close to no experience, and it's messy, the kiss and your face after... because his tears are definitely tainting it. He knows you're a freak anyway, so he doesn't try to avoid that. Author note: I just wanted to give something during my winter break. A lot happened since my last post. I wrote something for Dust but Tumblr doesn't like it.

[ilikelookingatthings]

I'm just saying.......chat saying you were perfect as always and that he was the one who messed up is frustrating because while it shows him taking responsibility and he gets firguven abdche comes back despite his mistakes eventually.....they never actually correct him that ladybug WASN'T PERFECT here.

She had focused on being upset with him in the middle of battle and getting frusterated chat wasn't telling her why he was in newyork and not Paris and assuming he wasn't taking the situation seriously instead of focusing on defeating the foe so they could finish the fight faster and rush to Paris.

She was the one who refused to give a plan and work with him during the battle and said she can't trust/work with him anymore...distracting him in the middle of the fight which is why the bad guy was able to get a step up and anon got hit!

Ladybug WASN'T perfect in how she handled things and thr special never adressed that factor enough.....

Which actually IS clever foreshadowing for their future issues but is frustrating because no one acknowledged that was the real issue!

I actually adore the special and included it in canon 100 percent because it shows Chat/adrien DID listen and tried to move on sincerely becayse he had closure butvalso wasn't lying to himself like mari was....and that mari/LB, due to how she handles her crush, DOESN'T believe this. It shows chloe was still affected and isolating herself after her mess up with siding with hawkmoth but stuffing those feelings down.

Heck I firmly believe the special is actually where adrien started noticing mari more even if I don't think he romantically liked her yet (rather than the stupid wax musuem) because he had seen mari stand up for all of her friends before bjt she stood up for HIM specifically and his right to go on the trip when even kagami and nino just thoight it sucked but accepted there was nothing he could do. And it showed us a reminder that the motives adrien THINKS mari has aren't actually her real motives.

Heck it's evena good hint that gabe was already feeling side-effects from misusing his miraculous with his hawkmkth persona showing the affecfs of a akuma victim persona because his actions don't line up with his motives. There was no logical reason to almost cause a war when all the dude wants is to save his wife.

Once again, Adrien is the sweetest kid ever, and this scene hurt

[not-poignant]

Stupid question, but I remembered seeing you mention having monthly minimum wordcounts on one of your previous posts and I wanted to ask if you're a professional writer? Because at first I was like "that sounds so stressful"* and then I realized that it makes a lot more sense if you're doing it for a living.

*Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

I am a professional writer!

My original serials are my job, basically, and they're supported by generous folks at Patreon and Ream. That, in turn, allows me to do this in a more professional and focused way, vs. say just as a hobbyist who doesn't update for 9 months at a time. It also lets me share my works for free, in a fandom friendly manner, which lets me keep doing something I love in a way I love to do it, but in a way which is like...I guess more reliable than you'd necessarily be if you were only doing it for fun.

I can instead pledge high fidelity/loyalty to my main serials through thick and thin (hence my wild author's notes), which means folks following WIPs get to know they'll be finished, and I get to enjoy doing this for a living! It's hard, but it's a good hard. Except for taxes.

As for my monthly minimum, that actually started as a way to break out of the very ableist 'you should write every day' (as a professional writer) which is literally impossible for me and my chronic illnesses. I sometimes have big chunks of time where I can't write, sometimes weeks! And where it would be unhealthy for me to make myself.

(More about my writing process beneath the Read More!)

Alongside that, I have quite severe dyscalculia (think dyslexia but with numbers and directions and left and right lol) so I can't keep a 'running wordcount' because the numbers confuse me too much. Luckily, because my writing life is defined by chapters completed (and not novels), I count the wordcount of every finished chapter only. Unfinished chapters don't count! My growing wordcount per month grows only when that draft is finished (my drafts are clean, so chapters only tend to grow or shrink by about 100-150 words per edit, so give or take it all evens out).

It's not how any other author I know does it, but it works so well for me that I've been doing it for nearly a decade now.

I started the monthly minimum (which currently is 25k words per month) because I tend towards being a workaholic, and so my therapist and I established a minimum not as an unreachable goal that's hard to meet, but as an easy goal that's generally effortless for me to reach in good months, and average months, and even many bad ones. After I hit 25k words per month, if I crash, feel burnt out, feel awful, or life gets Life-y in a bad way, I have permission to stop writing. I can just stop. Everything else is gravy. (Though secretly I always want to hit 30-35k but shhh).

When I hit 50k words, I also have to stop immediately and take a mandatory 3-5 day break from writing even if I want to keep writing. Because I don't know it yet, but I'm probably exhausted on at least some level, lol.

I didn't hit 50k at all last year and there is at least one therapist who would be really proud of me about that even though I feel kind of guilty about it, lol.

Here's an example of my tracking:

You can see the chapters I've written, which dates I've written them. They're colour coded, so I can see at a glance if I'm writing enough of a story or not. And then on the far right is an addition of every month's wordcount.

April was so low because I took an intentional writing holiday (which I'll be doing again ideally in March this year). December was so low because December sucks.

And then I erase it all at the end of the year and start again. The blank whiteboard is actually very motivating to write that first chapter because I always feel like I haven't done anything until then.

This whiteboard is two feet away from where I write quite literally, and is never moved etc. so I have a yearly tracker basically that's extremely visible (super helpful to my ADHD brain, because if I put this in a spreadsheet I'll stop updating it after 3 weeks and then forget it exists). The colour coding gives me dopamine, so does adding chapters.

Also acknowledging that people are different from each other and what is stressful for one person might be productive and useful for another.

This is true! This is actually the least stressful way of doing things for me.

That being said, anon, it's still super stressful. Being a serial writer is one of the most stressful things you do, because you have constant and never-ending deadlines for years. Novelists can kind of escape this, in a way, because they can't release novels as often as I release chapters. But I have to be mentally switched on at least 8 times a month, re: putting work out there, making sure it's at least semi-polished, making sure I let everyone know, and tracking responses because obviously, unlike a novel, if you lose interest you can't just "skip ahead" you simply lose your readers. A lot of novelists couldn't live or work this way, a) because they couldn't write a hooky serial and b) because many realise that having to update all the time is really exhausting actually. There's a kind of social labour to updating a serial, and getting it Right every single time. One of my greatest fears that I have nightmares about

Serial writing is the most stressful kind of writing I've ever done (and I've done a few different kinds), I just happen to like the adrenaline rush of this kind of writing, and I happen to work well under a controlled level of stress! I know that, because I've been doing this for over 10 years, refining it, figuring out how to make it healthier (it was really unhealthy at first), getting better at it, figuring out my weak points (some of them are still weak points) etc. I actually think I'm pretty good at it now!

I'm also getting better at not thinking my entire career is over if I take 2 weeks off.

I went from being entirely dependent on a Disability Pension, and like, sometimes having to skip meals and doctor's appointments and even medication due to money issues (the Disability Pension is ironically not enough if you have mental health issues because our subsidised healthcare doesn't cover mental health adequately and Australia has no food stamps system), to being able to live a bit more freely and support my chronic health stuff a bit more because of writing this way!

For the first time ever through these stories I was able to afford a psychiatrist, and a few other things I really desperately have needed since I was a teenager. So being able to write like this, even when it's really hard and I'm really tired, feels still like a miracle to me. I've never been well or healthy enough to work a full-time job with typical 9-5 hours, and always kind of was stuck imagining a life where I'm just...never knowing how to afford certain things, to being in a position where I'm fairly confident I can get my meds every month, or pay for my dog's pet food, etc. It's really nice.

But yeah honestly serial writing is the most stressful form of serial writing there is as soon as you lock it in as a professional job where you must meet nearly 10 deadlines every month and you happen to have pretty intense ADHD so deadlines make you scream a little.

Sometimes what is extremely stressful and sometimes even distressing for someone is also extremely productive and rewarding for them too. We probably wouldn't have a lot of emergency surgeons if that were the bar for how we decide what we do!