#and i do not believe that is the case. fact check everything go straight to the transcript search do not pass go

[utilitycaster]

Not that I agree with Ludinus, but can I point out that if he did go around searching for information like a normal person, Vasselheim would have just sent someone to deal with him?

Hi anon,

I'm not sure what this is in response to? I think this might be for a post I reblogged, in which case I would recommend you confer with the OP of that post to best understand their intentions and perspective.

Anyway, you can point that out, and have, but I think Vasselheim would only pursue him if he specifically tried to steal information from Vasselheim. He could probably authorize raids on any temple within the Empire without any retaliation, he demonstrably can seize control of archaeological sites, he did straight up steal the Omen Archive from the Grim Verity and Vasselheim's specific response and motivations are unclear (were they chasing him for that, or for, you know, the giant-ass Magic Moon Antenna in the desert), and more generally he's a 900 year old archmage who could have spent the past 600 years developing an elaborate infiltration system for every single academic or religious institution in Exandria if he were willing to actually build a loyal and dedicated heist crew instead of a system of underlings who high-key fucking hate him.

I think many people vastly overestimate the reach and involvement of Vasselheim. I know I made a joke about the Dragon Vatican but actually the way religion and worship works in Exandria seems rather decentralized. Vasselheim hasn't, for example, declared war on the Dwendalian Empire for outlawing half the Prime Deities. If Ludinus physically infiltrated Vasselheim, stole stuff, and was noticed, then yeah, Vasselheim would retaliate, but that's by no means the only way to do research on the gods.

[meraki-yao]

TN Candies Part 2

HI! I’m back with more candies to share :D

Part 1

Again, preface for precaution, but it’s the exact same stuff as last time, so if you know it and you’re okay with it, feel free to cut the chase and go straight to the main event under the cut.  

1, This post contains content regarding real-person shipping. If you’re uncomfortable with the subject, again, please don’t read under the post

2, I don’t have all the candies because I really just view them in passing, so I’m just gonna write/translate the ones I’ve seen, remember and find at least a logical speculation

3, I need to reiterate this in case my position in this gets misunderstood: Me writing about “candies” isn’t because these are MY opinion or things *I* found or *I* believe in them being evidence. I am just a translator and messenger.

4, Chinese people have a very difference understanding of platonic/romantic affection/relationships compared to the Western world, and that they look at the candies with rose-tinted glass. Chinese/Asian people are generally a lot less affectionate with their personal relationships, for example friends wouldn’t say “love you” to each other if they’re just friends, nor would they expand their friend group to the others easily or other stuff. And these people who look for candy go into their “investigation” already with the belief that “they are together”, everything remotely resembling a close relationship will automatically be interpreted as romantic. I thought about it a lot, and honestly among the “candies” I’ve seen, most of them are a matter of interpretation: yes those are things couples will do, but it wouldn’t be weird if friends did it too. So they’re not that seriously or up for further speculation. There is I think only one “candy” that I can’t quite say the same, which I will explain and elaborate on in this post. 

5, Please remember that the people who do this do it in good nature: something I didn’t make clear in my post yesterday, which is on me, is that the fans do want them to be together, but they’re not like… yandere level or something. If they’re just friends the fans won’t be upset or betrayed or anything, they just prefer to see them as romantic. They don’t mean any harm, and they don’t cause any harm because China is physically and digitally too far away for them to actually fuck shit up, and they understand the lines of parasocial relationships: those who met with Taylor during his China trip in December know to, and didn’t bring up this in front of him. They know where to draw the line, and whoever doesn’t and starts becoming a problem gets kicked out of the community. This is meant for fun.

Ok with that being say, main event under the cut:

Lexi Galitzine

Preface for this one, and I cannot emphasise this enough: I did not fact check this one, I don’t follow Lexi on any social media. These are discoveries of the original posters. Please do not disturb Lexi and respect her privacy, especially since she is not a public figure. This is observation and speculation all done in casual, good fun, please respect her and leave her alone.

Starting from 20th December, Lexi Galitzine, Nick’s older and only sister, starting following Taylor on Instagram, which is quite odd since it was past rwrb’s promo period. Even during the promo period, Lexi only liked the rwrb official account’s post on twitter. And it’s her personal account, not her work account, so this is a personal thing.

She then proceeded to like Taylor’s post from the 20th, 23rd , and 29th. All of which are pictures from his China trip, and therefore has nothing to do with Nick.

Lexi is a graphic designer, so she mostly follows artist and designers. For Nick’s co-workers, Lexi only follows two female co-star who are very close to Nick. Taylor’s the first male friend of Nick’s that Lexi followers.

Your Man

As we all know, on Taylor’s birthday, Aneesh posted her (so far) last rwrb photo dump, and among those ones was Taylor and Nick singing together (which was adorable)

They sang “Your Man” together, which is quite a romantic and sweet song if you look at the lyrics

Taylor then commented under the post, and I quote “You recorded Ahahaahhaa”, implying he didn’t know that this was recorded at the time of the video. But… from the video, Aneesh isn’t that far away from the boys, and Taylor’s facing Aneesh, unlike Nick, who was facing Taylor.

(This is fully up to interpretation) There’s such a… vibe between them in that video.  

(To me this is a stretch but) Taylor’s at Nick’s trailer. And if we recall the “OHHH THERE’S THE MOVIE STAR” little video where Nick got all adorably flustered since Taylor filmed Nick getting out of the lift, it means that Taylor was waiting for Nick, and Nick wasn’t surprised to see Taylor, so this has been going on for a while. If there is more than one lift, then Taylor also somehow knows which one Nick’s coming out from. They know each other’s route/place and meet up a lot.

Aneesh posted a video of both of them singing on Taylor’s birthday, and when wishing Taylor happy birthday, she posted that video on her story. It’s Taylor’s birthday, it would have made more sense to post either photos of just Taylor, or Taylor with her, which is what she did for his last birthday.

Nick’s Tiktok

Mentioned this yesterday but I’ll translate it here too: Nick originally followed 83 accounts on Tik Tok. On 11th January 2024, Nick cleared out his following, and only 7 remained: Camila Cabello (Cinderella 2021, Cinderella), Ayo Oedebiri (Bottoms, Josie), Rachel Sennott (Bottoms, PJ), Sio Torley (M&G, Crew), Inez Ella Clark (M&G, Makeup), Cameron Valetina (Model), and Taylor. Taylor is somehow, the only guy remaining.

Among these seven people, Nick mostly likely only introduced Taylor and Camila to Lexi, because Lexi only follows those two on social media

Later Nick followed a 4 generally accounts, but then three days he unfollowed two of those. So he has 9 followings now: 2 content accounts, 6 girl, and Taylor.

Please note that I did not fact check this, and I literally cannot fact check it because Tik Tok is completely unavailable here. Everything I translated is from OP and the screenshots she provided.

I think I’ll leave it there for part 2! Again there is still more, so lemme know if you want a part 3!

Again, this is all in good fun. But after the shit storm yesterday, I kind of wanted to use this to remind people in the rwrb who love them both and are understandably bothered and upset by the haters that the boys are proven to have a good relationship, and this is evidence. Whether these acts are platonic or romantic is none of our business and up to interpretation, but these show that they have a good relationship regardless. Don't let the assholes get to you, and have fun with these :D

Tagging a couple of folks:

@lfg1986-2 @tal-vez-o-quizas @na-18dia @mylucayathoughts @androgynoustriumphclown @hopefulblizzardsublime

[the-average-media-enjoyer]

A Case Study in the Improper Use of Negator Powers (Shen Xiang/Reader, NSFW)

Here I am, putting the very first Shen/reader fic into the world because if there's no erotica of him I must be the one to write it. Small warning for use of Shen’s negator powers so there are a couple of moments where the reader does the opposite of what they want to, but not in like a major consent-violating way.

Relationship: Shen Xiang/Gender-Neutral AFAB Reader

Summary: In which you knock on Shen’s door to ask a simple question, but a rather inappropriate use of his ability leads to further shenanigans.

Contents: Blowjob, dirty talk, vaginal sex, biting, face-fucking, hair-pulling

Word Count: 4,045

~~~~

You knock on the door to Shen’s room for what feels like the millionth time this week. To be fair, you both were prepping for an upcoming mission, but you still sought out every excuse to exchange even a few small words with him. Each and every conversation felt almost electric, even if it was about something as boring as scheduling. His constant compliments, praise, and very slight flirting didn’t help. Even though you didn’t dare to do more than chat, you still looked forward to every meeting.

And so here you were. Instead of opening the door himself, you hear Shen call out, “Come on in, it’s unlocked!” You take a deep breath before you open the door.

You take a few steps into his office and spot Shen writing something at his desk. There’s also a plush loveseat nearby, but he doesn’t spare it a glance. He raises his head for a moment and gives you a smile before returning to his work. “So, what did you need my help with?”

You shift nervously on your feet. “Oh, nothing much! Just wanted to double-check what time we’re heading out tomorrow for the mission.” Interactions like this had become routine since you started helping out the Union and working with Shen, but you couldn’t help the way being near him made you feel.

“Oh, we’re leaving at 8:30 in the morning!” He pauses for a moment before raising his head to meet your gaze. “But you already knew that, didn’t you? In fact, I’m certain that I already informed you of our leaving time, and I know that you’re a very organized person. You would never forget something as important as that, would you?”

“Ah, um.” You look away and take a step back from him, accidentally kicking the door shut in the process. You try and search for the words to explain yourself, but Shen follows up before you have the chance.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why did you make the effort to walk over here and ask me if you already knew the departure time?” As he speaks, Shen rises from his chair and approaches you. ”Now that I think about it, you’ve been making a lot of visits to my room lately for things that could’ve been a text or an email.”

This situation is turning more desperate by the second. With the added pressure, you manage to squeak out an excuse. “Oh, I just forgot, that’s all! And I was passing by your room anyways, so I figured I’d just pop by and ask.” Even as he draws closer, you refuse to look him in the eye. You knew your heart couldn’t take it.

Shen halts just a foot in front of you. “While you are fantastic at coming up with believable excuses, you’re still a terrible liar.” He cocks his head and asks, “So, why don’t you tell me the real reason you’ve been paying me so many visits lately? What do you truly want from me?”

The only way out was through more lies. You could never let him know what you thought of him, of the fantasies that played out in your mind that motivated you to seek him out. In an effort to appear more believable, you raised your head to look at him straight on. You opened your mouth to give more excuses, praying that he would let you go.

But just before you were about to speak, Shen closed his left eye and you felt something shift. And you proceed to do exactly the opposite of what you want to do.

You begin to list everything you want to do with Shen.

“I’m here because I can’t stop thinking about you and everything I need you to do to me. God, when I look at this room I can’t help but imagine you fucking me over the desk or eating me out on that velvet couch. I need you to bite me all over, whisper degrading things into my ear, and yank my hair as you fuck my face. You have no idea how wet it makes me when I think about you calling me a good-”

Shen looks to his left, deactivating his ability. “I think I’ve heard enough. ” You’re at a complete loss for words as you feel your cheeks burning up. You don’t even try to muster up an apology. You just attempt to turn around and hurry out of there as soon as possible, but as your head turns, you suddenly find that you can’t move your body.

Shen once again has one eye trained on you as he tuts. “No, we can’t be having that.” Instead of starting to rip you to shreds like you thought he would, he gives you a wide, mischievous smile. “That’s a very long list of very dirty things you want me to do to you. Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll have time for all of them tonight.”

He deactivates his ability, no longer keeping you in place. He waits another moment to see if you’ll move. When you don’t make a move to leave, he slams his right arm against the door, pinning you against it. He uses his left hand to cup your face and leans close to whisper in your ear. “Now that I know you want me, I have no reason to hold back.”

His kiss begins softly at first despite his big talk. After a moment of shock, you begin to kiss him back, matching his pace and putting your hands on the sides of his neck. You can feel him smile at your reciprocation as he begins to kiss you with more fervor, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You whimper in pleasure at his intrusion, which just encourages him further.

You didn’t want to stand there, just letting him have his way with you. You push your tongue back against his, intertwining the two muscles. You try your best to match his energy. His left hand moves to grip at your waist, putting pressure against you but not enough to cause pain. Between the steamy kisses, you can feel his hot breath on your lips, and you can almost taste his impatience.

He nudges your legs apart with his knee and pushes it against your crotch. He lightly grinds against your clit, just enough to tease. You break from the kiss, breathing heavily at the stimulation and sudden escalation. You hear him let out a laugh before he leans close and says, “You like that? You seem to enjoying yourself based on those heavenly sounds you’re making.”

It was only as he said that when you realize how loud you’re being. Your embarrassment resurfaces as you cover your mouth with your hand, muffling your moans. Shen puts a hand under your chin and tilts your head upwards so that you’re looking up at him. Then, in an instant, you feel your hand fall slack to your side without your interference.

His eyes are almost glowing as he chides, “I don’t want to have to resort to this to hear you. Be good for me and quit trying to quiet down, yeah? I know you can do it.” His praise does something funny to your mind. As long as he phrased his request like that, Shen could probably get you to do anything.

Shen smiles and continues to stare down at you, even after deactivating his power. His hands ghost around your hips for a moment before moving upwards to push up your shirt. He keeps an eye on your expression and can tell that you want more. The movements of his knee halt to focus on the new task at hand. His head dips down to kiss your neck as he pushes the hem of your shirt further and further up your body, your breathing speeding up as his hands travel. The fabric of his gloves feels surprisingly soft against your skin; the opposite of what you expected. His fingertips rest just below your chest for a moment, and you can feel his kisses pause as he smirks into your neck before he finally reaches up to fully grasp your chest.

You gasp from surprise and pleasure, but Shen doesn’t stop there. He begins to toy with your nipples as he kisses just below your collarbone. He gives you a mischievous glance before he sucks at your skin and bites down. You let out a loud moan. Shen raises his eyebrows before gaining a look of resolve. His motions around your nipples grow rougher as he begins to kiss, suck, and bite all across your chest. As his mouth travels, his hand fondles and rubs at the opposite breast.

You can barely stand it. It’s an almost overstimulation of pleasure, and he isn’t even rubbing against your clit anymore! “Shen… fuck, Shen!” You can’t respond in a full sentence, made helpless by Shen’s constant barrage. You gasp when he begins to tease your nipple with his tongue, throwing your head back against the door. When he bites down, you gently pull his head off of you. It’s just too much.

He draws back a bit and asks, “Is everything alright?” with a concerned expression.

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine! It’s just… Christ, I need a moment to breathe.” As you take a moment to calm down, you look down at your chest to see it covered in Shen’s handiwork: tons of purple bruises. You feel your core grow warm at the sight.

He notices what you’re staring at and remarks, “Like what you see? I personally think the shade compliments your complexion quite well.” You squirm a little at his comment before changing the subject.

“This all feels rather one-sided… as much as I adore being pampered, I want to make you feel good as well…”

Shen chuckles and tilts his head. “Is that so?” He places a hand on your waist and the other by your head against the door. He once again nudges your legs apart with his thigh, but instead of grinding his knee against you, he grinds his cock. You can feel its hardness through the layers of clothing as it rubs teasingly against your core.

You hear him groan by your ear and say, “Fuck, I can feel how warm you are.” He continues to rut against your core and you rest your hands on the bare skin of his hips, your fingers rubbing circles and slipping undeath the surrounding fabric. Your eyes were always drawn to these hip cutouts whenever you snuck a glance at Shen’s form. Pleasure creeps up your body as he continues to rut against you, but… it isn’t enough.

“Shen, I… I want more.” To show him what you mean, you slowly drag a hand from his hip to the front of his crotch, giving it a squeeze to punctuate your words. You heard a brief gasp and a barely suppressed moan.

He breathes heavily in your ear and manages to ask between his gasps, “What did you have in mind?” You take a small step back and place your hands on his hips to maneuver him so he leans against the door. Then, you drop to your knees. Shen grins at your actions. “You always come up with the best ideas.”

He reaches down to undo his belt as you stare up at him, giddy with excitement. He smirks as he draws the low-hanging panel of his top to the side and pulls out his cock. Your eyes move from his face downwards, and your breath catches in your chest. It stands at full mast a mere few inches from your face. He’s a little bigger than you anticipated… but you think you can take it.

You don’t notice that you’ve been silently staring at his dick for a bit. He looks down at you, tilts his head, and teases, “Well? Don’t get all shy on me now.” You blink up at him for a moment before dipping forward to lick a stripe up his shaft. You can feel him shutter at the first contact. Now emboldened, you take the head into your mouth, gently sucking and swirling your tongue around it as you gauge his reaction. His gasps drifting down from above to fill your ears encourage you. You sink your mouth down further to take his shaft into your mouth, bobbing up and down, gradually taking in more and more.

“Mmm, fuck, hah. Keep going.” His words give you another surge of confidence, taking him in until your nose rests in his happy trail. He takes in a sharp breath and places a hand on your chin, encouraging you to keep your head there for a moment longer, but not forcing you. After a few seconds his hand moves to settle in your hair and he lets out a sigh mixed with a moan as you draw back. You continue to suck him off, now trying to take as much of him as you can with each movement of your head. When you take a moment to rub your tongue against his shaft or suck on the head, you are rewarded with the sweetest groans you’ve ever heard.

With his hand still resting in your hair, he begins to lightly thrust into your mouth to match your movements. After a few shallow thrusts, he freezes and looks down at you. You stare back up in confusion for a moment before he speaks.

“You said you wanted me to fuck your face earlier, right? Would you like that now, or another time?” Your cheeks flush and you give a little noise of affirmation with your lips still wrapped around the tip of his dick. You see his expression falter when he feels the vibrations of your small noise around his cock. He entwines the fingers of one hand in your hair while the other drops to hold and caress your cheek. You keep your head still and feel your core grow warmer as he once again starts to lightly thrust into the moist warmth of your mouth.

You moan and slightly move to match his thrusts, incredibly pleased by his actions. You hear a short bark of a laugh. “God, you really do like it rough, huh?” His words encourage you and you hollow out your cheeks which earns you a surprised moan from Shen. You catch a glance at his blissed-out expression before his thrusts begin to pick up speed. You brace your hands on his hips as he continues, moving faster and taking a moment to tease his head at your lips.

All this is turning you on immensely, and you begin to rub your thighs together, seeking stimulation. It isn’t enough, especially compared to how Shen seems to be feeling. Your left hand abandons his hip in favor of reaching down to grind against your clit through your pants. It’s still not enough.

While trying to concentrate on not choking on Shen’s cock, you push your hand past the waistband of your pants to touch your clit directly. You first dip your fingers down to your entrance, gathering a bit of the accumulated slick on your fingertips before you set a steady rhythm of rubbing against your clit. You moan and whimper a little around his dick, but he doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are closed and his mind is occupied by how much pleasure you’re making rock through his body.

His thrusts slow and you think he might cum, but he instead pulls back, his cock releasing from your mouth with a wet pop. The movement of your hand stops as you stare up at him in confusion. “Why’d you stop?”

He smiles and matter-of-factly states, “I can’t cum quite yet when I still haven’t fucked you over the desk like you wanted.” As he comes down from his pleasure high, his eyes drift over your form and settle on your crotch. You realize that your hand is still down your pants, and you stiffen in embarrassment before quickly removing it and tucking it behind your back.

“Wow, I didn’t realize you were that impatient! I’ll have to speed things along in that case. I don’t want you to feel left out.” He reaches down and yanks you up by the hand to draw you over to his desk. He tuts at the sight of all the papers covering it but quickly decides to shove everything off to make room. He grasps your hip to guide you in front of the desk with his hard member resting against the swell of your ass. He then presses a palm into your back, gently pushing you to bend over and rest the side of your face against the wood surface.

He leans down and brushes your hair aside to kiss your neck. It’s a moment of tenderness, a brief respite from the chaos of this entire encounter. He continues as his hands work to unbutton and pull down your pants and undergarments, his kisses growing rougher and needier as more of your bare skin is exposed.

You can hear the sound of him drawing the fabric of his top to the side and you soon feel the head of his cock rest against your entrance. He shifts to look you in the eye before checking in one last time: “You're ready for this, right?”

You smile and nod. “Yeah, go ahead.” He responds by breaching your opening, pushing the head of his cock inside of you. You let out a moan of satisfaction at finally being filled. He takes a moment to gauge your reaction before pushing further in, millimeter by millimeter. Your fingers grasp the edge of the desk, your grip tightening as he fully sheathes himself inside of you. Shen lets out a satisfied sigh and lovingly caresses your hip before he starts to thrust.

This doesn’t feel real to you. The man you’ve fantasized about for months finally has you bent over a desk, railing you into oblivion. And it’s even better than you could’ve imagined.

Shen slowly speeds up, his hands gripping your hips and holding you in place. His panting and groans tell you that he’s enjoying this as much as you. Then his right hand moves upwards, tracing a path up your back until it reaches your hair. He combs his fingers through it for a second before he asks, “You said you wanted me to pull your hair, right?”

You can’t seem to get an answer past your whimpers of pleasure, so you opt to nod the best you can against the desk. This answer doesn’t satisfy him.

“Mmmm, not good enough. I’m gonna need you to tell me exactly what you want.” A playful smile teases at his lips as he speaks, and his eyes are looking down at you full of adoration. His thrusts don’t slow even for a second during this spectacle, keeping a steady rhythm that steadily inches you further and further into the depths of pleasure.

You huff out an exasperated breath before managing to force out a desperate answer. “God, please pull my hair already, Shen!” He barks out a laugh and the hand in your hair grips into a fist.

“Of course, beautiful.” He hanks your head back, bringing your head off the desk a bit. The pain sends an electric current through your whole body and you can’t help but let out a noise that almost sounds like a scream. He keeps the tension of his hand tight as he continues to fuck you, his thrusts getting a bit more forceful to match his actions. You can feel your knees growing weak as you feel the end in reach.

He bends over you, his front pressing against your back, til his mouth is breathing hot against your neck. The hand in your hair moves to pull down the collar of your shirt. He gives the base of your neck a brief, sloppy kiss before he bites down. The shutter that courses through your body eggs him on, and he continues to suck and bite at your neck. He also adjusts the angle of his hips slightly downward as he bites, and he hits a new angle that you think is going to make you pass out.

“Shen, right there! Ah, Shen if you keep this up, I’m- ahn, I’m close!” His matching pants and desperate moans tell you he’s also getting close.

“Just a bit more, right? I’ll give you a little something more than just my cock.” His hand leaves your head to snake around your thigh, giving it a squeeze before rubbing against your clit. The stimulation of him hitting your sweet spot while relentlessly rubbing your clit through the rough fabric of his glove is almost too much to handle.

“God, fuck! Just like that, I’m-”

He tilts his head so that you can feel his hot breath on your ear and whispers, “Go on, then.” He licks the shell of your ear and a teasing nip at your earlobe sends you over the edge.

You can’t form words as you’re in the throes of your release. You can feel your legs tremble and almost give out beneath you as every part of your body light aflame. Shen never falters, continuing to thrust and rub you through your orgasm.

Soon the pleasure of orgasm turns to the odd tingle of overstimulation, but you don’t have to bear it long. Shen’s hands move to grip your hips again, holding them in place as he thrusts a final few times before you hear a groan of satisfaction and feel his warm release fill you. He finally stills, and the only sounds that fill the air are your and Shen’s exhausted panting.

He gently grips your chin and positions your face to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “Thank you for being so good for me. How about we get you cleaned up?” Even after all that, he was still considerate of your needs right afterward. You nod, but a strange warmth in your heart prompts you to quietly ask, “Can we stay like this for a little while longer?”

He answers you by wrapping his arms around your waist and giving you a soft kiss on the shoulder. “Of course.”

*******

After making use of the en-suite bathroom, you drag him to cuddle for a bit on the loveseat, your hair still wet. You sit in blissful silence for a while, but he shatters it by saying something completely out of left field.

“You know, you listed a lot more that we didn’t get to tonight. I still haven’t eaten you out, degraded you, or fucked on this couch, and I’m sure you were about to list even more things before I-”

You cut him off by burying your face in his shoulder, your cheeks instantly flushed. “Please… no more.”

He smiles as if he wasn’t just teasing you with your own explicit fantasies. “You were the one who said you wanted those things, no?”

“That was only cause you forced me to say them, you bastard! You know, you can be a real piece of work sometimes!” You raise your voice slightly, feigning anger even though you aren’t truly mad at him.

His reaction puzzles you for a moment. His eyes go wide and he blinks at you, not saying a word. You only realize what’s happened after you detect the lightest tinge of pink on his cheeks. After a few moments, he regains his composure and pulls you close, petting your hair.

“Hm… it’s only fair that I make my own list of fantasies as well, and I think there are some things that I need to… explore. That sound good to you?”

You opt to nod in response, your cheek brushing against his shoulder as you do. You don’t need to see his face to know the look he’s giving you right now. The feeling of his fingers combing through your hair and his warm body pressing against yours makes you feel the most comfortable you’ve felt in months, and it’s enough to lull you into a light, cozy slumber.

[heyftinally]

re: fact checking / believing media.

You handled that anon better than I would have. I got angry on your behalf. I’m sick of Swifties defending Taylor for very obvious flaws / problematic behaviour she exhibits.

Swifties also believe what they read. A lot of media outlets wrote articles to benefit Taylor. That anon was bitching cause you were discussing one that didn’t support Taylor.

Also Swifties not only believe the media when it comes to Taylor but they also actively believe the rumours THEY MAKE UP THEMSELVES. No one reported Joe cheated on Taylor, it was a fan theory that they believed into reality. And when it comes out she cheated on him they hype her up and then still attack Joe. I’ve seen antis get hate for pointing out Taylor has a drinking problem (with concern not hate) which Swifties venomously deny she does. But that hate comes from the same Swifties who create the narrative she had to drink to escape Joe. Like they can’t even keep their story straight.

People telling antis to stop believing everything they read and stop speculating when it’s the EXACT behaviour her fans exhibit is laughable. Her fans are actually worse cause they make up false stories to the point they all believe them. “She’s pregnant” is only coming from her fans. They are inherently more problematic towards Taylor. This woman they apparently adore.

Honestly I’m not even convinced they’re fans of her anymore with how they behave. It’s just habit to defend her. Or FOMO.

This. All of this. If I had a dollar for every time a swiftie made up facts about something - Taylor's behavior, history, quotes, anything really - I'd have enough money to go to, like, two Taylor Swift concerts (y'know, because her overpriced tickets are like 20k a pop in some cases)

In all seriousness, though, youre100% right that her fans make shit up constantly and then believe their own theories as fact. All the times I've ACTUALLY called out Taylor, I've used facts. Let's use my Fortnight Ableism callous as an example - you can go find sources for everything I wrote in that post. It's not hard. "Abuse in mental asylums" will turn you up countless results on google. The pictures of her house are from an article *about her house*. I ran that post by my disabled friend to get their stamp of approval on my statements, too, because it's THEIR history I was speaking about, so I asked them to approve it. And they did.

I also fact check things like, say, my election news. Or crimes that happened (just today I fact checked something that happened near where I live, and what I'd heard had been false).

I don't post every random thing I fact check. I also don't post citations for everything that I *do* fact check, because this isn't a college essay and I'm not obligated to prove my research to a bunch of internet strangers.

But as usual, swifties love to throw baseless accusations around just to feel like they did something. Honestly, it was kind of funny to metaphorically curb stomp their accusation. Like, I'll post my own receipts, I don't care. Funny how the proof shows they can't read, though lol.

Now this isn't an invitation for swifties to come harass me - y'all can kindly fuck off. But it would be nice if they would at least pretend to have self awareness before they try to come at me.

[bloody-bee-tea]

IntiMarch 2024 Day 17 - Be a family

The prompt for this was "You don't have to pretend with me"

In hindsight Satoru  really should have checked the intercom before he simply buzzed whoever was downstairs up, but he didn’t and so he now has to be subjected to Naoya’s presence.

It’s his own fault, really, but that knowledge doesn’t do anything to improve the situation.

“What do you want?” Satoru asks, entirely unkindly, and he refuses to let Naoya into the apartment.

This is his and Suguru’s place; Naoya has no fucking place here.

“Aw, don’t be like that, Satoru, come on, let me in,” Naoya sweetly says and tries to shoulder past Satoru into the apartment.

But Satoru stands firmly in the doorway, a tight grip on the door handle and he won’t budge.

“I’ll be however the fuck I want,” Satoru gives back and glares at Naoya. “And you’re not getting inside. What do you want?” he demands to know again and briefly fantasises about slamming the door into Naoya’s face.

Naoya is a literal pest though, who won’t take a hint, and Satoru fears he’s going to make a ruckus. Suguru and he just managed to endear the elderly couple right across the hall to them and Satoru is unwilling to jeopardize that.

“Geto is not at home,” Naoya says and Satoru’s hair rankles with how it’s framed as a statement, rather than an assumption.

“What, you spying on us?” he asks and in all honesty, he wouldn’t put it past Naoya.

He doesn’t make a secret out of the fact that he’s insanely in love with Satoru and he’s unable to take a hint. Or a fucking rejection straight to the face. It’s also not a secret that he’s been trying to get Satoru to break up with Suguru for at least two years now, to absolutely no effect of course.

Satoru would never believe someone as slimy and horrible as Naoya over his own boyfriend after all.

They have more trust than that.

“If I have to repeat myself a third time, my fist will accompany the words,” Satoru threatens and Naoya holds up his hands in defense.

“No need for violence, is the mere suggestion that you’re on your own that upsetting to you? Come on, Satoru, you used to be better than this, you used to be fun.”

“That was before I knew there were better people than you out there,” Satoru shoots back and opens his mouth to ask the same question for a third time, when Naoya goes on.

“Aren’t you wondering what your precious boyfriend is doing right now?” He puts so much derision into his words that Satoru is surprised it’s not dripping out of his mouth but he only rolls his eyes at him.

“And why would I? He went out. In case you don’t know, that’s something people do.”

“Ah, but he didn’t tell you what he was up to, right?” Naoya goes on and Satoru heaves out a sigh.

“He did not,” he agrees, “because he doesn’t have to. I’m not his keeper. He doesn’t have to tell me everything.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, I know it must worry you to know that he’s out there and you have no clue what he’s up to. And in all honesty, it should. You should be very worried.”

“Oh this ought to be good,” Satoru says and leans more firmly against the doorway. “Do tell me what my boyfriend gets up to. Wait, let me guess, he’s cheating.”

“He is, indeed,” Naoya says, so content with himself that it almost makes Satoru laugh.

The guy didn’t even pick up on Satoru’s tone.

“Oh no, really? How horrible for me. I guess you’re here to console me through it and get a kiss or five?” Satoru goes on, and now it finally seems to click for Naoya that Satoru is not taking him seriously at all.

“You might joke now, but he’s meeting his—mistress right now,” Naoya hisses out and Satoru bursts out laughing.

“Mistress?” he gets out between chuckles because that’s just ridiculous.

“I know you don’t believe me, but I know where he is. We can go there right now, then you’ll see him for the scum he really is.”

“The only scum here is you,” Satoru shoots back, though this has him thinking.

Maybe this is a way to get finally rid of Naoya.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Satoru starts with and he hates the exited sparkle in Naoya’s eyes. “I’ll go with you; if he really is cheating, I’ll go on a date with you. If he’s not cheating then you will never ever show up in my or Suguru’s presence as long as we’re together.”

“Deal,” Naoya immediately says, just like Satoru knew he would and Satoru is more than happy to shake hands on this.

There is no way in hell that Suguru is cheating on him, so this is a wonderfully easy way to get rid of Naoya.

Satoru can’t wait for him to realise just how badly he fucked up.

~*~*~

Naoya brings him to the coffee shop Suguru and he prefer, because of course Suguru would be there. He’s probably meeting Shoko, Satoru thinks and can’t wait to laugh with them about this whole situation.

He expects Suguru to properly thank him for finally getting rid of Naoya as well.

“You might be smiling for now, but just you wait,” Naoya says, and it sounds so much like a threat that it makes Satoru sneer. “You’ll see soon enough.”

He leads Satoru past the window at first, pointing at a table farther in the back and indeed, Satoru spots Suguru’s wonderfully broad back and his signature bun.

What he didn’t expect was to see him in the presence of two girls; they can’t be older than sixteen, maybe seventeen and his surprise must be visible on his face, because Naoya practically gloats.

“See, I told you he was cheating on you. And he’s doing it with two girls at the same time! Now, where do you want to go for our date?”

“Not so fast,” Satoru says, rolling his eyes and not bothering to hide it. “You’re such a drama queen; don’t you want a confrontation?”

Naoya pales at the suggestion and that alone tells Satoru that he’s not at all confident about Suguru’s supposed infidelity.

Not that there’s anything to worry about, anyway, because Suguru would never, but he never mentioned that he’s meeting teenagers and now Satoru is curious.

“Come on, come on,” Satoru says and pulls Naoya right into the café and he only stops once they’ve reached the table.

The girls look appropriately confused and while Suguru’s face lights up when he sees Satoru—cheating, my ass—it falls just as quickly when he spots Naoya behind him.

“Suguru! And mystery girls! Naoya has something to say,” he declares, not bothering to keep his voice down and Naoya is going bright red in the face real fast.

It’s hilarious.

“Don’t be shy now, there was something you wanted to say, right?” Satoru prods Naoya who seems to have swallowed his tongue.

The girls share a confused look while Suguru presses a thumb into the space between his eyes.

“Satoru, what is this?” he wearily asks and Satoru gives him his most winning smile.

“Naoya had a very nice theory. Come on, Naoya, you were so adamant earlier. Repeat yourself. What was it you said?”

“I said,” Naoya gets out, his teeth tightly clenched, “that Geto is cheating on you. With them,” he nods towards the girls and Satoru has to give it to them, they recover remarkably fast, because they both instantly make heart eyes at Suguru.

“Oh, Geto-sama, we know you love us. Don’t worry about a thing, we know you wanted to leave this guy for us, we love you, too!” the blond girl immediately croons out and Satoru laughs brightly as he plops himself down next to Suguru.

“Oh, I like you,” he decides holding up a hand for a high-five, which the girl readily reciprocates. “We’re going to be such good friends,” he decides. Maybe he can even be an awesome older brother figure for them.

“Now, Naoya, what were the conditions of the bet?” Satoru asks because by now it should be clear to everyone that Suguru is, in fact, not cheating on Satoru.

“To never see you or Geto again,” Naoya mumbles out and Satoru nods.

“Never ever,” he reiterates. “And now scram. I need to spend time with my precious boyfriend now.”

And just like that, he disregards Naoya and focuses solely on Suguru and the girls. Naoya must leave eventually, because Suguru breathes a sigh of relief.

“What the fuck, Satoru?” he asks and Satoru lets out a scandalised gasps.

“Watch your mouth, Suguru, there are kids present!”

It earns him a kick to the shin, which only makes him smile brighter.

“I do like you. Who are you?” he asks, focusing on the girls.

“Satoru,” Suguru warily sighs out and Satoru pouts at him.

“Suguru, come on, throw me a bone here. The douchebag accused you of cheating on me. My heart was broken! My future destroyed! The agony!”

“Oh, you’re a real handful, huh?” the blond girl whispers and her sister—they have to be sisters—hides her snickers into the stuffed animal she carries with her.

Interesting.

“Don’t even pretend that you believed him for a second.” Suguru rolls his eyes but he also leans close for a kiss. “I wanted to make sure they are fine with being introduced to you, first.”

“Upps,” Satoru lightly says. “That’s busted now. Introduce us anyway.”

“You’re such a menace,” Suguru fondly says and looks at the girls. “Nanako, Mimiko, this is Satoru, my boyfriend.”

“The love of his life, the light of his days, the joy in his eyes,” Satoru exaggerates, and then—predictably—gets very flustered when Suguru just nods to all of that.

“Yeah, he’s—all of that, actually,” he agrees and Satoru whines.

“You can’t just do that, Suguru, my poor heart!”

“You really weren’t kidding, he’s a lot,” Mimiko says, her voice much softer than her sister’s but of course it still catches Satoru’s attention effortlessly.

“You were talking about me?”

“Geto-sama was warning us,” Nanako explains. “About you.”

“About my beauty, surely.”

“About your antics, more like,” Suguru adds and laughs when Satoru pouts at him again.

“Okay, but seriously, I’m sorry I crashed whatever party this is. You want me to leave? Naoya should be gone by now.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Suguru sighs out and leans in for a kiss. “I love you. It’s fine, stay. The girls were already exposed to you, there’s no warning them anymore. Satoru, remember what I told you about the group home?” Suguru asks and it takes Satoru barely a second to understand.

“Oh! Oh, you’re his girls! It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

“You talked about us?” Mimiko asks, seemingly pleased but also quite obviously embarrassed.

“He talks about you a lot. I didn’t realise you were so big already!”

Suguru doesn’t often talk about his own time at the group home, but he talks a whole lot about the girls he met there and who latched on to him as an older brother figure. Satoru knows that even after Suguru left the home, he still went there regularly to see them and as far as he knows Suguru is still doing it.

Satoru always assumed they’d be introduced eventually and it seems he was right about that.

“We’re not kids anymore!” Nanako hisses at him but Satoru only gives her a warm smile.

“Ah, but you are kinda his kids, don’t you know?” he says and that shuts her up real fast, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Satoru, don’t scare them,” Suguru pleads.

“I’m not scaring them, I am telling them how loved they are,” Satoru argues and presses a kiss to Suguru’s cheek.

Satoru knows that Suguru loves these girls a whole lot and sometimes he’s so subtle at expressing his love that it can’t hurt to hear it out loud from someone else once in a while.

“I knew I should have never introduced you to them,” Suguru mumbles but he leans into Satoru.

“Lies. Why now, though?” Satoru wants to know. “Did something happen at the group home? Are you still staying there? You’re what now, sixteen? Are they kicking you out? Do you need to stay somewhere? Are we adopting?”

Suguru only stares at him through his barrage of questions and the girls seem speechless as well.

“What?” Satoru asks, almost self-conscious when everyone stays quiet.

“Would you?” Suguru breathes out and Satoru frowns.

“Would I what?”

“Adopt? With me?”

“Huh? Of course I would! We can adopt these two if you want—and if they want—and then we can also get a tiny one. I kinda want a tiny one with you, you know.”

“You need to be married to be able to legally adopt,” Nanako chimes in and Satoru narrows his eyes at her choice of words. Awfully suspicious to stress the legal aspect of this but Satoru shrugs it off.

He’ll illegally adopt, too, if it’s with Suguru.

“That’s doable,” Suguru casually says and puts a small black box on the table.

Satoru is still processing what’s happening, when the girls start to squeal.

“For real, Geto-sama? For real?”

“For real,” Suguru agrees, though he doesn’t take his eyes away from Satoru. “Satoru, will you marry me and adopt some kids with me?”

“Fuck yes,” Satoru breathes out, his brain finally kicking back into gear and he tackles Suguru into the wall with his hug. “I’m going to marry you so good,” he whispers against Suguru’s lips, who laughs.

“I have no doubt about that,” he gives back, and kisses him very thoroughly.

So thoroughly that the girls sprinkle water on them to make them stop.

“Alright, alright, sorry, you shouldn’t have to see your parents like that,” Satoru says, moving back to his part of the booth, and brushing imaginary dust off his chest.

“We didn’t agree to being adopted yet,” Mimiko reminds him and before Satoru can say something Suguru talks.

“We know that, we just got carried away. Of course it’s your decision, but—” he nervously bites his lip.

“You’re already prepared,” Satoru says when he finally understands his hesitation. “Did you talk to the group home?”

“What?” Nanako screeches out and Mimiko clutches her stuffed animal.

“I did,” Suguru admits. “Every time I came in, I talked to the head of the home. We have most of the stuff figured out. A marriage is—in fact—not necessary, not in this case, just so you know, I’m not just marrying you for the kids, and I wanted to breech the subject with you once I introduced you to Satoru.”

“I see, you’re marrying me for love. How quaint,” Satoru huffs out and leans over the table. “Seems as if your dad has it all figured out already. Weekend sleepover to see if it could work?” he asks the girls, Suguru’s big hand warm on his back and the girls smile at him, almost shyly.

“Sure,” they agree and Satoru turns to Suguru, who immediately kisses him again.

“I am marrying you for love, you idiot,” he whispers when they part. “Because I do. I love you a whole lot.”

“Samesies,” Satoru teases him but then he goes serious. “I do love you, too. Just so you know.”

“You wanting to adopt kids with me kinda gave that away,” Suguru tells him and quickly kisses him again. “Now, we didn’t even get to order drinks. Do you want to do that here or do you want to come with to our place?”

“Ehm, excuse me, coffee to go is the obvious choice here, oh husband-to-be of mine, do keep up with the trends, would you.”

“Oh, this is going to be hilarious,” Nanako whispers.

“It’s going to be exhausting,” Mimiko adds, but she seems just as delighted as her sister, so Satoru doesn’t even pretend to be upset.

“Alright, I get it,” Suguru laughs out and pushes Satoru out of the booth. “Let’s go home then.”

That sounds like a very good plan, Satoru thinks and smiles brightly at his soon-to-be husband and soon-to-be daughters.

A very good plan.

[dorkofclanlavellan]

Superman & The Lone Wolf

Notes: My goal is to make the reader character (who will be called Lone Wolf instead of y/n) as neutral and ambiguous as possible. If I mess up and use any descriptors etc please let me know so I can fix it. Pairing(s): Clark Kent/Superman (Cavill) x gn!werewolf!reader, mentions of Clark x Lois Warning(s): Werewolves (not compliant to werewolves in DC canon and based on my own version of werewolves), kind of long

Superman was a few miles outside of Metropolis, returning from chasing down some bank robbers and handing them over to the police. He made sure to check below him occasionally while he flew towards the city.

He was eager to go see Lois, maybe he could make it up to her for being late for dinner. He knew she was getting frustrated that all of their dates were either getting canceled or cut short but she was trying to be understanding that he had obligations as Superman.

Suddenly he noticed a flash of white moving impossibly fast towards the city. Deciding to investigate, Clark landed in a patch of trees, hoping the delay wouldn't take too long. But those hopes were forgotten as he realized what exactly he was looking at.

A wolf. A very big wolf. It was just standing there now, staring at him with wide eyes. Ears and tail held high and straight and even the wolf's legs were rigid. But it wasn't the defensive stance or even the size of the wolf that caught Clark's attention. This wolf looked like none he'd ever seen.

On top of being at least 3' tall, the wolf was almost entirely white with the exception of its ears which were a silver shade. And its eyes, eyes that Clark could hardly look away from, were red. Whether they were actually glowing or just appeared that way in the moonlight he wasn't sure.

Clark snapped out of his daze and took a deliberate step towards the wolf. This movement was met with a low, warning growl.

"Easy now. I trust you don't mean any trouble to the city or the people who live there. As long as that is the case, you've nothing to worry about from me." He said, one hand held out to show he was no threat to the wolf so long as they did not attack.

The way the wolf shook its head to indicate it had no intention of hurting anyone, let Clark know that there was, in fact, a person behind those startling red eyes. The wolf cautiously stepped forward and sniffed Clark's hand, bumping it once with its head before turning and fleeing. Again it moved at a speed that he knew was impossible for a regular wolf.

Clark decided to give them a moment so they could shift back to their human form without running the risk of him seeing. He would respect their right to their secret identity, as he protects his own so fiercely.

'Well at least I'll have an interesting story to tell Lois.' Clark thought to himself, taking back to the air after a few minutes.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

1 month later

"I still can't believe you sniffed Superman's hand!" Fiona, Lone Wolf's best friend, giggled while they busily prepared their catering office for the interview they had later.

"It's been a month, Fi! You've been saying that every day since." Lone Wolf responded in mock exasperation.

A month. They had been in Metropolis for over six months but their catering business has only been open for four weeks exactly. They were also a food reviewer, which they had been doing for years now. But their dream had always been catering so when they went into the business with their best friend they merely laughed and rolled their eyes at all the Phoebe and Monica jokes Fiona made.

"Well, yeah! You sniffed Superman!" Fiona retorted. "I mean he literally just saved the world from an invasion of his own people almost 2 months ago!"

"Can we please focus on making sure everything is perfect before the reporter from the Daily Planet gets here?" Lone Wolf huffed, fighting back a grin at Fiona's excitement. "And after they leave we still have to send a menu for approval to the Edmonstone wedding, a follow-up with the Chrichtons and I need to edit and post my review of that bakery in Gotham. Not to mention stocking up for the full moon in a couple of days."

"Who do you think they're going to send for the interview anyway?" Fiona asked, waving away the list of tasks. "I hope it's Lois Lane! She's absolutely gorgeous...I'd probably pass out. Or ask her to marry me as soon as I see her, like a psycho."

"You are psycho, Fi." Lone Wolf teased, rolling their eyes when Fiona stuck her tongue out at them. "Besides, I doubt the Daily Planet would send someone like Lois Lane to interview a new catering business."

"Oh, please! We've been open for a month and business has been booming! We already have a waiting list for crying out loud. People love your food, plus your review blog has made you kind of famous."

"Business is doing so well because your godfather, the mayor, hired us and has been referring us to everyone. And it's February." Lone Wolf countered. Before Fiona could argue, they heard the chime from the entrance, letting them know someone had come in.

"Hi, I'm from the Daily Planet. I'm here for an interview. My name is Clark Kent." Lone Wolf set the sample plate down on the table and turned to face the voice. As they did a familiar smell struck them.

Lone Wolf fought to maintain composure as they went to shake hands with the reporter. Discreetly taking in his scent again, confirmed to Lone Wolf what most of the world did not know.

Clark Kent is Superman.

[cowboyjen68]

I’m sorry if this is a strange thing to ask advice about. I’m certain I’m a lesbian, it feels correct. It’s what makes most sense to me given everything I know about myself since I was a girl who didn’t understand these things. But I keep feeling like I should try it out with a man before calling myself a lesbian. Like I have to check it off the list. But when it gets down to it I freak out and don’t want to anymore. I think what I’m trying to do is see if I can endure it because being with men would just be more practical for me. Although I get the sense that I only feel this way because deep down I don’t want to be a lesbian. Is there a way for me to be satisfied with the fact that I’m a lesbian? Maybe being with a man will be as awful as I imagine it to be that I’ll stop moping and wishing I was straight. I guess I just wish I could have the strength and motivation it takes to deal with what I don’t like about the lgbt community and what I don’t like about family expectations of who I’m supposed to be and still be content with being a lesbian anyway. What if I’m never happy? I might not be into men, but my family would be thrilled to see me with a boyfriend and maayyybe my life would be happier. I’m sooo sorry I made your read this, but I’m trying to be honest. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore!

The good news is, whether you are a lesbian or not, all of these conflicts are being prompted by outside influences, as you mentioned: Family, LGBT community etc. General society has an effect on us even if we think we are able to subvert it by being aware of the expectations of us as women. Knowing a problem exists does not give us the solution. 

Why is this good news?  Because fixing internal struggles can be helped greatly by  learning how to filter the outside noise as it applies to you. You can learn tools to navigate all the societal junk surrounding you, Humans are naturally built to do so. We all live in a world where we rely on information from our culture to figure out life goals, expectations to get along in our environment and acceptable behavior (ie manners)  so I believe we have some natural ability to take what is around us and shape it into what fits us as much as we are shaped by it. We are not just puppets of our environment or we would all be just exactly the same as our regional friends and family. Clearly that is not the case in the real world.

At the end of each day, at the times in your life when you are alone, whether for a minute or hours or days, you are always with yourself. Happiness is a gift you deserve and you are responsible for giving it to yourself. If you are not happy with a man and you are not happy with a woman you still have yourself. Happiness can occur outside of any relationship. 

When I was young, teens and early 20’s I knew I liked women. I was almost 100 percent sure that I was a lesbian but, at the time, would never have admitted I was 100 percent. There was always some doubt that I was just unsure or misreading or lacking some important experience that would cause a light bulb to go off and I would be straight. Maybe it was youth, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was desperation to not want to be a lesbian. 

So I dated and had sex with the nicest man I could find. It was… something I did and that was that. I was not traumatized. We dated for maybe two weeks and slept together a handful of times. Each time I was disillusioned that it was okay to meh. Definitely nothing like the movies, TV and love songs made it out to be. Just something that we did and it was not miserable but not fulfilling. IT was not that it made me sure I was a lesbian but it forced me to begin to accept that I was and I needed to readjust my goals and the future I saw for myself. 

I do not recommend sleeping with some dude to force a decision on yourself regarding your sexuality. It is an unnecessary action.

While I don’t regret something that I consider just a youthful experience, if I could go back and give myself  advice it would be to date who I wanted and to have sex when it felt exciting and I was enthusiastic about my partner, whether that be a one night stand or someone I wanted to pursue a relationship with and not with whom I thought I was “supposed” to be attracted to. 

You owe nothing to your family when it comes to your happiness and fulfillment. You only get ONE Life and it does not belong to them.  You can do everything “right” according to what they think they want and they could still be disappointed so instead focus on you, and let them decide if they want to embrace living your best life or not. I can tell you, most parents say a lot of stupid stuff but when it comes to real life they are happy to know their child is happy. 

Being a lesbian is beautiful and natural. Connecting sexually, emotionally and intellectually with the right woman (women) is something well worth walking through the gauntlet of external and internalized homophobia and I say this from experience. Denying yourself of that possibility is neither healthy nor will it benefit you in the long run. 

Being same sex attracted is not an easy road in this world and I won’t tell you it is but it can get easier if you seek others who share your attraction. Find other lesbians or bi women to befriend, read a bit about our history and seek out the stories of those who have been where you are and came out the other side to be proud, healthy, happy lesbians (You found me out in the internet ether so you recognize that something about me resonates with you). 

You will be okay and eventually (it does take time) you will have lesbian friends who can show you all the ways lesbians can and do exist so you won’t have to feel constrained to stereotypes or just another set of expectations that don’t fit your personality.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Im rewatching season 1 how crazy it is that liv could have- probably not, but it would have definitely changed things- stopped blaines brain business by supplying him with brains herself. It would have been nice to have another zombie during those early days to talk to, esp if liv still believed blaine was making a change in his life or whatever he said. Kinda like what lowell was to her but less british

(I actually have this very similar AU-idea that I like to explore at the bottom of my hindbrain 'what if Liv hadn't seen Blaine in that alleyway and had been willing to buy into his 'repentant drug dealer' persona and they had been on semi-friendly terms for the first season)(though I kind of like the angle that he still does the brain business thing. And Ravi and Liv (and Major, separately) catch on to the fact that a brain business exists and try to find out who is running it - and even clue Blaine in case he can help and perhaps he delivers them wrong information or otherwise manipulates them) so it's a bigger personal betrayal when they find out that it was Blaine all along)

The thing is, I think it's a bit of a veeeery soft retcon they did at the beginning of season 2 (or perhaps just a clarification) because when the cast talks about Blaine's original return in the second episode, they talk about how it was supposed to be very ambiguous where he's standing.

But at the start of season 2, Blaine mentions that Angus was his 'first customer' - and since the first person we see him infect for his business is Jackie (we don't really know when he infected the Meat Cute gang or when he stored Julien and the others in his freezer), season 1 leaves the option that Jackie was the start of his business and that he used her money to expand OR that she was just one of many in a row. Saying Angus was the first means he would already definitely have been at it for a while when he found out about Liv. (On the other hand, it could be argued that infecting and 'owning' Angus is so personal that it doesn't really count as part of the bigger brain business scheme. That maybe he just infected him to keep himself afloat AND to get back at his father and then only later decided 'hey, actually I can do this to everyone I want!' (or perhaps he just told Angus that he was the first, but personally, I like the theory that he went straight to Angus the moment he had a shot at revenge. Plus, I don't think he would tell Angus that he was the first if he wasn't - because that would be admitting how much power Angus still has over him.)

Though, I also think that the way in which Blaine infects Jackie...seems pretty routined and pre-meditated. And when he did that, it was before the alleyway scene so at that point, Blaine still thought Liv was going to give him brains. So to me that certainly always felt like the plan was to x two birds with 1 stone:

a) check out the people who are looking for me online and who are working at a morgue and stay in touch to keep an eye on them (and the cops by extension)(after all, he even does a similar thing in season 2, when he wants Liv to keep an eye on Dale for him)

b) do hapless remorseful drug dealer and fellow zombie act, secure brain, secure customer, play grateful that Liv is giving you brains but sell them off behind her back. Profit! >:)

(that's my personal interpretation though)

But I also definitely would have enjoyed if there had been a longer period of just...uncertainty about what Blaine's deal is and more time in which to perhaps explore Liv's feelings about Blaine's part in her infection and everything that happened at the boat party at large and also perhaps the way her feelings on the matter conflicted with Ravi's, who was a lot more willing to give Blaine the benefit of the doubt. (and you know who could have given us that??? the old 24-episode format!! ...but that's another passion topic of mine)

(On the other hand, it's also a topic that I feel a bit conflicted on because I've seen some people (cough reddit! cough) literally blame Liv for the bullshit Blaine does à la "ohh, surely Blaine wouldn't have gone and built a giant business on the back of murdered orphans if Liv had just shared that brain with him in ep. 2" ...which. nah. I think that is an obstacle that could be overcome without going full Mrs. Lovett.)

[solari-writes-things]

Happenstance

🛑 WARNINGS: Language. 🛑

✧ requested by: anon

✧ erik 'maverick' thorn x reader // reader and maverick have an interaction at R&D.

✱ “Please stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, it’s terribly distracting.”

✧ Solari Says: Hey, love! I hope you enjoy! It's my first time writing for Maverick, so I'm sorry if it's not as expected.

gif credit to the OP.

masterlist. // rainbow six. // request here.

Your head was low as you had been fiddling with the remnants of your gadget splayed out on the table in front of you. Everything about it was perfect, in most senses of the term. It excelled in shoot houses, was reliable on missions, and has even saved a few operations. After all, a mobile camera jammer was something that shockingly few had done on the team.

However, it could have been so much better. At least, you had believed it could be. Maybe you could improve the duration, the jammer range. Something that could make the visibility even less so, and the effect much more notable than it already had been.

You groaned a bit to yourself after staring at the internals for some time, opting to drop your head with a soft thump. You couldn't piece it together, not yet-- and it was starting to become frustrating. Maybe you needed more coffee, maybe you needed more sleep. It was getting late after all, you were at the lab later than most sane individuals.

You huffed, sitting yourself back up after a few minutes of self-analysis. You were fixing to put your jammer launcher back together, picking up the first few pieces of internals before you heard a noise behind you.

You turn, subconsciously placing the fragment back onto the table as you checked what was going on. Just across the room, not paying mind to you either, was Erik Thorn. You had been on a few missions with him, chatted with him enough to get to know who he was. What his story had been-- which surprised you, considering he had been quite reserved to others who had asked him the same questions.

You didn't know what you had done to earn his trust, but it wasn't something you had intended to break. In fact, the more you learned about him, the more you began to envy him. Appreciate him and his dedication to what he loved and the history he left behind in Afghanistan.

You recall him being quite good with tools. Maybe he had a brain for tech as well. After all, most operators in this CTU had been quite multi-talented. You contemplated walking up and asking him for a moment, considering he seemed to be quite busy with his own pet project as well.

Maybe it was something with his Breaching Torch. Considering the simplistic design of it, Erik hadn't been found in the labs all too often.

You swallow the little bit of nerves boiling up in your throat, pushing yourself away from your station and standing up straight. Your eyes seared into the back of his blonde hair during your approach, trying not to pay attention to anything else that could be considered unprofessional. You'd be lying if you didn't admit he was a looker on most fronts, leaving a lot for the eyes.

You were close to him now, reaching out your hand to give him a gentle tap on the shoulder. When he spun around in startle, you raised your hands in innocence. It was meant as a warning of you approach, considering the nature of many in the CTU. Surprising them was not the best of ideas in most cases, and you didn't want for him to dislike you for not having that courtesy.

"Sorry," you spoke openly, your eyes apologetic enough for him to relax his shoulders and offer a small smile.

"[Y/N]," he replied. "You scared the shit out of me."

"You were tunnel-visioned. I do it all the time, but... I was wondering if you could help me with something?"

He almost looked a little skeptical at first, his brow arching up in question for a couple seconds before you assumed he read the genuine expression on your face. He was good at that, reading people-- and it was startlingly so. You had hoped you had been saved from that, all things considered. You were trying your damndest to hide the fluster from your face and force back the warmth from creeping to your cheeks.

His blue eyes lightened up when the skepticism faded from the small details of his face, offering a nod of his head. "Sure, yeah. I have all night."

"Slow day?" you asked.

"Can't sleep," he responded.

Right. Erik had always had a problem falling asleep at night, he had confided once during your interactions. You thought it was maybe the racing of his head, or maybe his history coming swimming in circles. You had hoped he'd disclose the real reason, if he had chosen your company more often.

"Got it," you opted to respond, trying not to pry in business that wasn't yours.

"Anyway, show me the issue," he changed up the subject, not that you could blame him. That was the reason you bothered him, after all.

You nod your head in the direction of your station, turning on your heels to head to the location. You heard him following, allowing yourself to crack just a bit and let the heat rise to your face. Even if it was only for a moment, it would help to ensure it wouldn't happen again.

When you got to the station and the business was in front of you, the color faded from your face. You extend an invitation in the form of your hand, gesturing towards the picked-apart mess laying on the table. "You think you have any sort of ideas? I want to improve the range on it or how long the shit lasts."

On the computer was some coding for the processes of the jammer. You had thrown it up for your own reference, in order to see what you could change up.

Erik took a second to look at it, humming in thought to himself. His entranced eyes and contemplating furrow of his brows made your heart skip a beat for a bit, always finding it alluring when someone was in their zone. Doing something that they could be considered passionate about.

He had been donning a simple white long sleeve for the colder weather, closing the distance between himself and your list of codes. He hunched over the keyboard for the computer, opting not to take a seat just yet as he read.

You watched in awe as he whispered to himself, drinking in the details of your codes and mechanics of the gadgets. What had taken you days to fulfill had seemed to only be taking him mere minutes to understand, and it was a sort of intelligence that you wished to get to know better.

Knowing the man with said intelligence would be a massive bonus.

His hands raised as his eyes stayed trained on the screen, his fingers interlocking with the sleeves as he pushed them up over his forearms. Revealed now were the muscular forearms of your fellow operator, along with the tattoo that he had gotten while in Afghanistan displayed in the open. It caused the color to creep back to your face, and you could only pray he had been too focused for him to notice in his peripheral.

Judging by the sly smirk tickling the edge of his lips, it wasn't successful. Rather than be embarrassed about it, though, you had opted to roll into the realization that you were made.

"Please stop rolling your shirt sleeves up," you began, your eyes falling to the tattoo on his forearm, "it's terribly distracting."

He let out a chuckle, his attention forgetting the task at hand for a moment as he opted to respond immediately. "And you standing so close to me is just as bad."

The color deepened in your cheeks, a small grin crossing your face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, absolutely," he immediately retorted. "I'll be the first to bite the bait, then, since we both can't seem to focus with each other around. They say practice makes perfect, after all. Me and you, grabbing a couple of drinks so we can practice interaction?"

You were almost floored at how easily he had rolled into the idea, all without you really needing to initiate. But considering how quickly he seemed to have taken to you, you shouldn't have been all-too surprised. He probably knew from the start how you felt.

Maybe you hadn't been as sly as you had thought.

"As long as the first rounds on you, I'm absolutely willing," you joke in return, offering a grin.

When he flashed one in return, your stomach had been doing flips.

◈ rainbow six tag list - @sazafraz :|: @angelaiswriting :|: @kind-wolf

if those you wish to be included in the tag list, feel free to leave a comment or DM. If you wish to be removed, please feel free to do the same.

[xiyouyanyi]

JotG S2: The Ramifications

-SWK didn't leave MK to go on a vacation. Well, he tried to say so, but MK interrupted him and asked him if he could go to the Celestial Realm instead, to check on the two immortals who helped them out. And he was like "Yep, that just happened to be my first stop!"

"I don't want them to be in trouble. They…okay, one of them isn't the nicest person, but she still helped me out. Hopefully they won't. But if they do get into trouble, would you like, help them back? For me?" "Sure bud, don't worry. I'll keep an eye out."

-In truth, he got a summon from Thunder Bureau, and proceeded to spend most of S2 lying skillfully in court, trying to conceal his disciple's existence from prying eyes and get a lighter sentence for their helpers, while also bringing attention to the more urgent issue that was LBD.

-He paid a visit to Kui Mulang, now imprisoned inside a much more secure cell, with Thunder Nails stabbed through his shoulder blades. A harsh exchange ensued: SWK pried for intel about Ivory Lady the Ghostly Immortal, Kui Mulang responded with a series of mockeries and scathing remarks, before tossing out this bombshell. 

"I'll tell you everything I know, if you tell me what happened to my children." The Wood Wolf Star said, eyes hidden under the shadow casted by his messy, blood-soaked mane. "The Great Sage is capable of some exquisite destruction, but I do not believe, for a second, that he is a child killer." "...Even if they are alive, do you seriously think you can still get back into their lives? That they'll ever want you in their lives, after what you'd done to their mother?"  "Ah, so they are alive." "..." "I'm not asking where they are. Only what happened to them." Kui Mulang continued. "In exchange, you get to know all about that ghastly acquaintance of mine. Deal?"

-The Dumpling Destruction episode got slightly adjusted to suit the new "court case" scenario: it wasn't the Four Devarajas’ fault, but one of the Four Thunder Generals——Deng, Xin, Zhang, Tao.

-See, having a bunch of thunder and lightning-wielding guys be both judges, lawyers, SWAT teams, and executioners tend to make your average court case…quite heated.

-And during one of those heated arguments that lasted from the Thunder Bureau official halls all the way to the dining room next door, someone imbued their breakfast with Thunderfire and threw it at the other guy, who dodged just in time; the flaming dumpling flew out of the window and fell through the clouds, straight toward the Lower Realm.

-Like, it was still regular dumpling-sized, but that wasn't gonna matter because Thunderfire was more high-grade explosives than flames, and the impact was still enough to flatten half of the city. 

-In fact, searching for this tiny, free-falling object just made the mission even harder, and the first thing people noticed on the ground wasn't the dumpling, but the roaring thunder that accompanied dozens of winged generals as they combed through the sky, desperately looking for the offending object on Lord Wen's orders.

-SWK told MK what all the fuss was about via astral projection, then went back to breaking up the fight in the dining hall, because yes, after casually tossing a mini-nuke out of the window, these four were still engaging in their violent legal debate. 

-Lord Wen wondered, for the billionth time in his life, if one of the Taisui gods or someone in the Dipper Mansion really had it out for him, then sighed and ordered Hanzhi's temporary release, just so the Wind Bureau could assist in the search too.

-Mei, being part of the West Sea dragon clan, was obliged to help out any Celestial Bureaus involved in weather creation by virtue of an ancient accord. She wasn't too happy about it, as MK and Tang set off to find something in FFM's vault that could create a protective barrier over the city, in case the others all failed their spot checks.

-I'm making some tweaks to the treasures we are collecting, mostly by replacing them with ones from FSYY. Instead of the Demon-revealing Mirror, we have the Yin-Yang Mirror(阴阳镜) of Chijing Zi, and instead of the Crimson Jimweed, we are looking for the Chaihu Grass of Shennong.

-Since the full Yin-Yang Mirror is too OP, in this AU, it was split into its white and red halves: the white half can insta-kill anything with a soul, the red half can revive whatever the white half killed, and FFM's vault only got the red one, which was useless on its own.

-Also, instead of Guanyin's vase, the treasure they were looking for was a crystalline vase containing the Divine Water of Triple Light(三光神水)——a substance that could transform ordinary water into a self-regenerating magical barrier, also from FSYY.

-But Tang, who thought "that other God-Demon novel" was boring and not as well-written as JTTW (true), didn't know that. He still found it despite looking for the wrong vase the entire time, while pursued by Spider Queen's minions; a truly incredible feat. 

-The Thunderfire-imbued dumpling was found by Mei and neutralized safely in midair via Hanzhi's tornado, seconds after the Divine Water barrier went up.

-All four Thunder Generals received fifty lashes, on top of the beatdown they received from SWK. Hanzhi, being the natural gossiper she was, revealed her "on parole until mission's over" situation, as well as SWK's involvement in the court case to Mei.

-Of course, Mei told MK, which…only added to his guilt and anxiety. Come Minor Scale, this also changed LBD's approach: instead of telling him that SWK left because he picked the wrong successor, she focused on how his mentor had to clean up his mess, that maybe SWK didn't tell him all the truth for a good reason——he just couldn't be trusted with it.

-One question remained: why was LBD trying to rebuild the Bone Mech, when it could no longer be a vessel for one of the Ten Kings post-deification, and even if it could, the dead Shang kings would not have answered the calls of anyone who wasn't a direct descendant of theirs?

-Because it is less about the soul they are pulling out of the Underworld, and more about creating a passage between the world of the living and the dead, which is why she needed the staff.

-As Yu the Great's extendable ruler, not only can it change its size and length at will, it can also command the Water element as a whole——including the water of the Underworld rivers, the Nine Springs.

-So LBD is using the Bone Mech to create a canal between the two realms, then using the staff to draw the Nine Springs through. Which, like everything Underworld, is the purest Yin-aligned substance you can find, and reacts with Yang-aligned energy in unusual ways: in this case, it creates a living, growing ice that encases Yang-aligned entities upon contact.

-This is how the Ice Hells are constructed: every wall, every floor, is made of condemned souls of the deceased. But unlike in the Underworld, where the flow of Yang energy is predictable, controllable, and quite weak in strength, when the same water enters the mortal realm where Yang energy is so abundant, it just grows and grows and insta-freezes everything it touches.

-With the reverse-flooding also came tons of ghosts, finally escaping their confinement in the Eighteen Hells, but honestly, that was the least of everyone's worries. 

[cboffshore]

So what direction is OSSAS going in with the next installment, now that we've seen Nya power struggle with Nadakhan via seagulls and chess? 👀

I'm going to answer this one under the cut just in case someone who sees this hasn't read it yet (in which case: GO! that is a prerequisite for this course! get outta here! and leave me comments, dammit!), but I know that doesn't include you. You've been enrolled in the honors course.

The big thing right now is that plans are super fluid. I'm in the very loose brainstorm stage, which means I wake up at 3 am, jot something bizarre down in my ideas server, and then interpret in the morning and hope it works. Everything I'm about to say is subject to change, but with that being said, here's what #5 looks like now.

Timeline: We're jumping straight to episode 64, post-wedding. This is one of the few things that are pretty much non-negotiable. We know the buildup, the sword handoff, Nya's manipulation - I don't need to rehash that. Dan and Kevin did that for us. Instead, I've got the mother of all blank spaces to fill once Delara takes up residence in Nya's body.

Remember that line in IICT(OSC) where Nadakhan tells Nya he thinks that her being unconscious for the rest of her life would probably be preferable to having to endure his presence? Whether or not making sure she's comfortable is a genuine desire of his (spoiler: it's not. the possession is just him shoving her to the back of the storage closet so he doesn't have to deal with her shit. who'da thunk it?"), he's going to fuck it up, bad. This is partially because I've determined and highlighted that he is shit at checking his own work (source: the fact that anyone remembers Skybound at all, especially the floating temple! and I know there's that line in the ceremony, but that never happened, so, like... HUH????) and partially because, if I made it actually work as intended, #5 would just be like those Twilight chapters where Meyer represents a bunch of months with blank pages. (I've never read Twilight, but I've heard great things about that technique. It's not something I can get away with.) In other words: boring. I've always believed strongly in the importance of the Idiot Ball in any story, and this is no exception. Nadakhan once again has plenty of hands free to catch it.

Which, of course, means Nya's gotta be conscious for this, and as is par for the OSSAS course, pissed. Nadakhan's actually right that being unconscious would be an upgrade in this case (too obtuse to realize that and realize what a self-dig that is, yeesh). So: we've got a pissed off soul bouncing around while Delara takes her body for a test drive. That's a workable setting. What are we going to do with that?

WE ARE NOT going to insinuate any spicy activity between Delara and Nadakhan. This is also non-negotiable. I've seen that a handful of times in fics that bother to even acknowledge what's going on with Nya (and I can count those on, like, two fingers), and it's big-time DISGUSTANG. I don't think one can both rail against Nadakhan being a creep and then endorse those versions of the story... I'll move on before my ears start shooting out steam.

First off: you know my stance on SA in Skybound stuff. I'm sure as hell not writing it. Second, I genuinely don't think that's on Nadakhan's mind, and to act like it is cheapens his character. For my sake and his, I'm trying to work from the interpretation that he is both of the following:

This specific tattoo - that is, too enamored with the fact that holy shit he pulled it off to do anything but marvel while that goofy love theme from The LEGO Movie plays and everyone's hair does the slow-mo romantic swivel:

2. Too tied up in his own self-doubt to really give a shit about that. The single most frustrating and interesting sequence in the finale to me is the part where he badgers Delara about if she forgives and/or still loves him for what he's done. He can barely believe she's here, let alone that she forgives him! I'm not a fan of the idea that he can balance that shock and disbelief with Enthusiastic Adult Activities. I'm also hoping to keep going with that brief angle I mentioned where Nadakhan's got two names for that face now, and I don't think that could reconcile very well. Nope, sorry, dude! Pathetic Wet Chihuahua time for you. Nonexistent pants stay on. Nobody needs to see your legs.

Nya's had enough shit happen to her - even by my relatively clean standards! I'm not doing that. Also, I don't know how much I want to rehash the death scene, although maybe I'll change my mind and continue the trend of building on the glimpses from Small Cuts.

Here are some options for what I might do (again, all subject to change, just some general ideas I've tossed around):

Let Nya witness not quite the beginning of the possession. Wakes up five minutes in, realizes what's happening... major introspection opportunity, really. And you know I love introspection.

Have Nya give Delara a migraine just because. Like, an actual migraine, or maybe just a nasty thunderclap headache. If Nya can't operate her body solo, nobody can. This could also be her causing other types of chaos - maybe she tightens Delara's grip on Nadakhan's hook and he flinches. Because of the chess aftermath, of course. Or some such chaos - little tweaks, like she's reaching in from the backseat and futzing with the radio and the AC and the hand brake.

Pull Nya's soul out of her body entirely and just let her wander around and witness different parts of the finale. Maybe she's on the deck when Flintlocke gets his aim back. Maybe she's the reason that loose locker with the venom in it turns up - maybe she drags it out after Clancee stashes it to help the team find it faster. Maybe the only reason Jay manages to pick her up is because Nya bum-rushes Delara, shoves her out of the driver's seat, and then stops in her tracks just long enough to let Jay yeet her across the lawn. (Remember: the scream sound effect they use in that scene is Nya's!)

But who's to say, really?

Thanks for the ask!

[evieelyzabethh]

I Want You

pairing(s): willow x tara

summary: willow finally gets to visit tara's grave after being in England for the past few months

warnings: angst with a slight happy ending, mentions of tara's death, blood, and suicidal tendencies/thoughts, derealization, willows dark era is a metaphor for substance abuse so that may be triggering for some folks, its just really sad

an: i don't usually do ship fics, i just so happened to be in a mood. its also pride month and there is like 0 tillow content on this app *i still wouldn't recommend requesting ship fics tho*

Back in England, there was a tree. A willow tree. Unlike Xander, who was very quick to let everyone know never to call him anything other than Xander, she never had an issue with her name. It fit her. She was spindly and growing up she had knobby knees that caused her to move a bit awkwardly. Her hair blew around her face, and, just like the rest of her body, looked like if the wind were to pick up, she would be blown away. A dandelion seed in the wind that would maybe make someone's day brighter at the hope of a wish, instead of a willow tree that may actually prove useful.

She wanted to believe that she was like a willow tree, that she was stronger than she looked. That she had dug her clumsy feet into the ground and planted her roots and she would stay, unmovable and tall, until some monumental hurricane or imposing tornado came through and uprooted her. Even in that case, her seeds would be sewn into all the land she touched, and she would live forever, replanted and replenished by those who knew her, and fed her, and grew with her, and loved her. She wanted to believe that she could plant roots, that she had control over where she stayed and who she was with and if she liked her situation enough, she wouldn't to leave. Permanence. Consistency. Control. That's what she wanted.

As a kid, she wrote her name in lowercase letters; it wasn't til high school her willows became Willow. In that ranch farm in middle of fucking nowhere England, she became willow once again. She thought she was sent there to be put down. Like a rabid dog that was too pitiful to die on its own but too dangerous for its survival to be left to chance.

It was such an odd feeling; that derealization. Stepping back and watching people talk to you, touch you, extend their sympathies. Hearing yourself talk and sounding like how adults do in Charlie Brown. Feeling your mouth flap but not choosing what comes out. Just knowing that you had a body, and that you had a mind, but you knew it because someone told you that you did. That's how it felt when she thought she was going to die. Her soul had already began to check out and distance itself from the body that was going to run cold within the next couple days. She didn't even try and protest, she was that eager to let go. Even worse than simply killing a man, she didn't do it for Tara. Killing Warren didn't feel like catharsis, it felt like pleasure.

Nothing was relieved. She didn't feel lighter. She didn't feel better. An anvil sat on her chest, squeezing every ounce of life from her until she was acting on instinct and impulse. Killing Warren was a dopamine shot straight to her brain, it didn't remove the anvil or ease the ache, and she didn't do it for that purpose. She did it to do it. She went on auto pilot after the fact, watching her life pass by her and watch her kill her friends while wanting to stop but she couldn't. It felt too good in the moment. It felt like fire. She was on fire.

It was all consuming, the smoke she left behind accumulating and growing with everything she did until she didn't know where she ended or when the smoke began. It hurt what she was doing, being a woman on fire you felt the flames but were also spurred on by hysteria. She had been so cold before, and the fire was a bit much, but that's where the pleasure was derived. The cold depravity was killing her, at least in the flames she would go out in a blaze. Yet, dying then and dying in that ranch felt so different.

She felt like she deserved it both times. Willow knew that she had been losing control of her magics. Floating on ceilings and hallucinating, seeking out someone on Amy's recommendation for fucks sake, these weren't things she would normally do. She had lost control of herself a while ago, but when she went dark, it was the first time she lost sight of the reins. She deserved to die during her rampage because she was going to gut the world, turn it inside out until the oceans tipped into the sea and every piece of earth was reduced to ash, and she couldn't stop herself. Her death would've been damage control.

The second time she felt it would've been redemption. That she had gone too far and there was no saving her. Her punishment came in her separation alone.

She wasn't there when Tara was buried.

She was told when they thought it was safe enough that she was buried on a hill. They told her the gravestone was decorated in reeds, flowers, and crystals and they cleaned the white marble stone every time they came to visit her. That they took care of it, and they told her this, but they meant to say they took care of it for her. It felt heavy weighing in on the back of their tongues, that they couldn't care for her like Willow could but since she was away, maybe even dead, they would have to be enough. They were all Tara had.

She didn't know how to dress. Buffy told her to go as she is, that if anything is the same from when she was dead that she can't see her anyways. She wanted to ask if Buffy could tell who was visiting her and if she was ever disappointed, but the words got stuck in her throat.

So, she stood there, small and awkward by her girlfriends grave. She walked up slowly, like something was waiting to attack her when she made it to the peak. She expected more fanfare, more people, birds, noise, something. She had never felt so alone. She stood by that white headstone and felt the breath exit her lungs. She was back in that room again. Holding her dead body, cradling her head, the grass feeling like her soft hair in her hands. There was no ground as she fell to her knees, one of her hands covering her mouth and the other ghosting the headstone. Did she even have the right to touch her grave. It was her fault.

She had gotten overzealous bringing Buffy back and this was her retribution. While the universe demands balance, above all else it is petty and Willow knew it. She knew it didn't seek reparations, because there is nothing you can give the universe that it can just take. It demands pain. It doesn't concern itself with human emotion, it doesn't know, or need to know, sympathy or empathy. It seeks to cause pain because in a world when there is nothing you can gain, why not just take. It needed everyone to know how powerless they are, that no matter what you think you have, it's not yours. The universe was the all mother, she put you here and she will take you out. She'll take your little toys, she'll stop you from seeing your friends, she gave everything for you meaning she has every right to take it back.

But it was supposed to be okay.

Buffy had saved the universe more times than anyone could count, why does the billions of lives she saved not balance out her one life. Her one significant life. And even if the universe couldn't recognize her importance, wasn't it enough that she quit. She was clean. She did what she was supposed to, so why wasn't it okay. It was supposed to be okay, and it's her fault it isn't.

A part of her wanted to rip through the ground and prove that she was really under there. A part of her couldn't believe that she was really gone. Her spirit still lived that house for her.

Buffy was right, maybe she did need this, for closure at the very least. Maybe the room will warm up after this, maybe she'll stop seeing her in mirrors, maybe her blood will leave her hands and clothes. Her death felt so real, the blood ran thick and slick and it stained everything she touched. Her sheets had bloody handprints, her pillows smelled like copper, her skin and her nails were caked in oxidized blood and she wanted to pull it off herself. If she could trade places with Warren, slip out of her skin and set it on fire to begin again she would. Maybe then she'd feel lighter. But that's not what Tara would want.

Tara would want her to power through. She would want her to keep getting better. She would take her in her arms and brush her hair and tell her it was going to be okay. That she was going to be okay. She would tell her she deserved to be happy, and if letting her go was how she did it, then that's what needed to be done. That maybe she should let go. She would kiss her forehead and tell her she was too strong to give up. But Tara made her strong and she had never gone through anything like this and there was never going to be another Tara.

It hurt. Her head, her soul, her body it all ached and Tara's death ate away at her until she was nothing just like she was before. Lower than she was before. She was pathetic but at least her hands were clean. Now she was dirty and she should've been left to rot in the dirt.

In the ranch, she had thought she was going to be buried under than tree. Her willow tree. She had grown a patch of flowers underneath the trunk because she didn't think they would deem her worthy enough to do anything but to shovel the dirt over her corpse. It was her one selfish deed, to leave her resting sight something other than overturned dirt and dead grass. She had letters addressed to her friends in the hope that Giles would deliver them. She wonders if he ever found them. She still had them, hidden in place so that no one would find them. If Dawnie saw them, she wouldn't know what to do.

"I don't know what to say to you." She pushed out through tears. She had a lot to say to everyone else, but so much to say to Tara that her mind went blank. Tara got a letter, maybe if she had the courage, she would come back and read it to her. "I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts."

Wherever Tara was, she listened.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, and I know you're tired of me saying it, but it's true."

She was tired of hearing it. I forgive you. You were grieving. It is okay.

"I did - I did a lot of bad things, baby. It didn't make it easier and the pain it-it doesn't go away. It doesn't stop." I know, love. Life is hard. I forgive you.

But Willow couldn't hear. She hadn't heard her the whole time. She had said sorry in so many ways so many times and she was so tired. Tara wanted to tell her it was okay, that she couldn't grieve her forever and she needed to move on. Tara couldn't make it better now. Tara could barely make it better then. Willow needed to get better. She needed time. She needed grace. She was too hurt to see that everyone was giving it to her, but she wasn't accepting of it.

"I'm trying to be strong, I really am. A-And I haven't done any magics like I promised. It's been hard but-but it's been good for me. I don't know if I can do this, but I'm gonna try for you."

I'm so proud of you. You're doing so well. Try for you, not me.

"A-And everyone is doing well. They miss you, too. They probably tell you every time they visit." She sniffled a bit while wiping her tears.

They tell me all the time. They missed you too. I miss you too.

They sat in silence for a while, both leaning on the grave for different sides of life and death. Willow wept. Cried so hard her tears probably watered the flowers growing on her grave. They sat together and the quiet said more than enough, they conversed beyond words just as they were together beyond the grave.

"I love you."

I love you too. She screamed it, but she couldn't hear her. I love you still. Despite it all, I love you.

She leaned onto the grave. Tara knows because she felt it. Like the feeling of laying on warm sheets on cleaning day and finally get to rest. Like waking up to misshapen pancakes and apple juice. Like watching her take care of Dawnie and promise her that they would live together in a nice cottage in the countryside. Just the three of them. Happy. Content. At peace.

[growingwithem]

GIRL HELP I checked out the Eunhyuk VCR you posted on the SuJu ask game and I’ve never seen it before and OMG 😵😵😵 WOW 🔥🔥🔥 — @yangseungbae

Related to this.

I finally have someone to talk to about this 😭 😭😭 Take a seat because for the first time I will do my analysis on this gem that hyukjae has shared with us 👀

Not many elfs have seen that VCR and if they did, they haven't given it the importance it deserves. That performance is a gem, the first time I saw it I was shocked because I never thought to see any member of suju do something like that, but who else but hyukjae could do it? That man has enormous respect for stages and performances. I mean, he is a stage director! He has directed the Super Junior concerts since Super Show 5 (and it should be noted that since that super show there began to be more dynamism and charisma in the super shows compared to the previous ones).

Many artists express their feelings in their lyrics, but hyukjae also does it with his dance and staging. He did it with Say My Name, Dear Two (the relationship between the chains and the lyrics is very obvious) even in Be, the choreography was done that way because hyukjae wanted to transmit purity, delicacy, vulnerability in his movements (and not to mention the sound minimalist that has the song and the visuals of the mv). In the case of the VCR + Intro + I Wanna Love You there is a lot to analyze.

Making a parenthesis, I want to comment that the fact that he chose male dancers to do this staging could be for two reasons. First: Choosing female dancers could upset the fandom or Korean society (Knowing Korea society, who knows?). Second: He is more comfortable with male dancers / he wanted them to be male dancers from the beginning (who are wearing super sultry and sexy makeup by the way).

Now, how do we interpret all this? I have two interpretations and I think both are valid. My sister, who is studying audiovisual communication, explained to me that EVERYTHING that is put into a production (whether it is in the cinema, video clips or concerts) is there for a reason and that the spectators have the right to have their own perception of what is story wants to tell, so here are mine.

First interpretation:

It's a metaphor for how they feel about living love as a couple and having sex in a society where it's taboo to talk about it if you're an idol.

Koreans for some reason do not tolerate their "idols" having a partner no matter how old they are, so all these symbolisms can mean that they can feel imprisoned in that sense, since they cannot freely express and enjoy their sexuality like any other man about 40 years old.

It is important to mention that all this was a VCR that introduced the song I Wanna Love U (which talks about how two men like the same woman and want to spend the night with her) and part of the staging is linked to the VCR, thus continuing the story.

Eunhyuk appears with chains on stage, and after fighting with them he manages to break them.

Then Donghae arrives and they dance on the same bed with cells revolving around them. Then each one is going to dance on their own, singing to the other not to get in their way.

At the end of the song, Take It Slow continues immediately (a song that talks about how a man wants to make that special girl feel paradise) where this time a female dancer finally enters the performance.

The song ends with Donghae "sleeping" with the girl.

Second interpretation:

This interpretation is not very unrelated to the first, only that this time I focus more on Hyukjae's sexuality.

It's not too surprising to the fandom that hyukjae and donghae's sexuality is being talked about because many strongly believe that they could be in a romantic relationship. Personally for me, I don't think it's good to affirm that a person has a certain sexual orientation because it's a personal journey, even more so because no one is forced to say what sexual orientation you have if you're not straight, label you because the world asks you to or come out of the closet. So to me all of this may be a metaphor for how Hyukjae has embraced his sexuality (whatever it is) after being "blinded" to it.

First Hyukjae appears lying on the ground with a blindfold (he is blinded, he cannot face what is happening around him), he is wearing chains and open handcuffs (he was imprisoned for a while, but now he is "free" but still feels vulnerable, the path is just beginning).

Men take him to bed and touch him, he is not surprised or uncomfortable with touches so perhaps it is a sensation he has already experienced.

Then hyukjae takes off his blindfold and looks up at the sky. He already feels ready, he already woke up.

Then he paints his lips. We can see lipstick as an "feminine" element, but in this story everyone is wearing makeup. But the only one who has red lipstick (passion) is hyukjae.

Then hyukjae puts his finger on his lips. It is clear that the lips are one of the most sensitive places on our body. And using your fingers to rub them is totally lustful.

Then there is the paint that stains the bodies of each one of them.

It may be a coincidence (which I think it is) but it's funny how the color that predominates in hyukjae's body is yellow and its meaning is "sunlight" And which member of super junior has the nickname the sun...? Exact.

Blue represents super junior for me (and art in general) and green obviously represents nature (loving you as you are, no matter what the world says)

Then Hyukjae starts dancing with the boys under color changing lights (♥️💛💚💙💜).

Dance has been a huge metaphor for singer-songwriters when they want to express love and sex in a more sublime and poetic way. George Michael uses it in Careless Whisper and Super Junior uses it in Burn The Floor (both are gems).

Something important is that they are dancing in the rain. And who wrote a song that compares love with the rain and in its music video the only member who runs in the rain is Hyukjae? Yes, Donghae (One More Chance).

In the end Hyukjae goes back to bed and dominates all the men, thus exchanging roles.

Thus demonstrating the completion of his journey, feeling more sure of himself and enjoying what that entails ❤️‍🩹

In case you haven't seen the full concert, here is. Hyukjae directed the concert and is one of D&E's and byeolnims' favorites 💙

[reyesstrand]

I’m a little new here (like I just binged the show to be caught up) , but isn’t Carlos acting without telling anyone or not communicating with TK sort of out of character? And putting someone above TK? Not picking fights, just curious if I missed something, hope this didn’t come across that way

you’re good anon! and welcome to the chaos akdnskdns

so the way i look at it: carlos is someone who needs to hold things (and people) together; he’s someone who listens to his gut; he’s someone who cares so much that he puts his own well-being aside. we’re seeing a response from someone going through an immense amount of anxiety and lack of control. for him, he was so set on doing this thing—investigating bc nobody else would—that he needed to ensure nobody would tell him not to (which tk would’ve, for fear of his own safety, had he known). he’s so blinded by his guilt and his need for justice for iris (as he’s literally the only one who seems to believe her) that he’s making a decision that puts himself in danger. i also don’t think he ever thought this would be the outcome of investigating so….while it was dumb ajdnskd he probably really thought he’d see some evidence and get home at the end of it.

i also think like….we also have to remember that carlos is the guy who didn’t tell his parents about tk, who kept in his emotions about being in the fire that burned his condo down until tk double checked he was okay, who didn’t even tell tk about iris….he thinks he can handle things himself and doesn’t want to worry his loved ones. especially tk. even though he doesn’t see tk as a project, he has this very inherent need to protect him, and he freaks when that isn’t something that’s possible (cooper, the plane, etc etc). this is a moment where his judgement truly has been clouded by his entangled feelings and we’re seeing this side of him where he’s blinded to everything else going on around him. and the fact that this season has occurred over, max, like five days….it definitely adds some pressure that’s making him not necessarily think straight.

in terms of putting someone above tk….i think he’s seeing it more as like. iris is actively hurt possibly because of them (that isn’t the case, we know that, but that’s how he feels) and she needs him. and i think tk would agree with that, even if he does, deep down, just want carlos home and to himself. they’re both too selfless for their own good, and neither of them want iris alone. if carlos thinks even remotely tk not knowing about his real intentions keeps him safe, while also helps iris in the end, i can see where his mind’s at there.

[cant-get-no-worse]

HI CIENE !!!!

i love love love your blog. seriously as a post wc footy fan (disculpe, por favor 💀🙏🏼) im trying to catch up on footy history & politics blah blah. you explain everything so beautifully, like you could rival tifo football on youtube. dead serious.

anyway, i wanted to ask if you could explain the whole neymar tryna sue barça episode bc im clueless there and coolers on twitter dot com are usless. ( not reshad tho !!! he’s so 😍 )

Hello love!! It's so sweet, thank you. I'm delighted to read my years of being shoved down this club's inability to keep finances and politics straight are proving themselves useful. 💀 And never apologize for becoming a footy fan recently; WCs are always wonderful in bringing new interest to the sport, they keep it fresh! Also, Reshad's one of the few Barça sources that usually doesn't get on my nerves, so. Kudos!

Anyways. I don't claim to have all the facts straights because I really don't, I'm just putting out there the very general ideas of what went down and my understanding of them. In today's episode: FC Barcelona, Neymar, Neymar's father, PSG, contracts clauses, and a lotta money. It is, after all, a rich man's world. Buckle up.

2013 : Neymar moves from Santos (Brazilian league) to FC Barcelona (Spanish league). Start of the problems.

See, it wasn’t a regular transfer. Initially, Neymar was set to go to Real Madrid; he’d even already passed medical tests. But Sandro Rosell (Barcelona then-President) bribed Neymar’s agent (his father. Very bright idea.) with some heavy fat checks. Neymar then signed to Barcelona. There were also some other movements which I’ll not get into.

What is important to retain from this is that Barcelona declared, in 2013, that Neymar's transfer from Santos costed FCB €50M (or something akin). But oh, color me surprised, they obviously didn’t declare the various amount of bribes and other money movements that had gone in to deter Neymar’s agent from Madrid and to bring the player to Barcelona.

Cause, ya know. That’s some sketchy stuff. You could also quite boldly say it’s illegal.

That’s where DIS Esporte, a company who “owned” Neymar (meaning : they were entitled to 40% of Neymar’s transfer rights) comes into play. DIS Esporte filed a lawsuit in late 2013/2014, claiming that they indeed had been paid 40% of the €50M declared transfer, but they believed the transfer didn’t cost only €50M (due to the bribes and such), and thus they were entitled to 40% of what the transfer actually costed.

A case was opened – this wasn’t small matter, Sandro Rosell (Barça Presi) resigned in 2014 due to the scandal - and it was finally settled before a judge that the €50M declaration was false, and the real transfer fee was more around the 70M/80M. Oops. Barcelona was eventually charged to pay some millions of compensation to close the case altogether.

Little did they know this was just the first taste of the Neymar financial issues and lawsuits ™.

October 2016 : Neymar signs a renewal contract binding him until 2021 with FC Barcelona. Everything’s happy and shiny, he’s Messi's successor, he's hot and successful, set to help his club win more UCLs, probably snatch a Ballon d’Or or two on the way, and continue to play in a swashbuckling style with his best buddies from Argentine and Uruguay.

The renewal contract includes several clauses, as do all such things, and most notably loyalty bonuses (money the player collects at the end of his contract). The loyalty bonuses of Neymar’s contract are around €43M, and since his release clause is an astronomical €222M, no way he’ll get out of the club lmfao.

July 2017 : Neymar gets out of the club.

In an unprecedented move in the football transfer world which leaves the market value of players forever changed for the worse, it is announced that PSG (French league) paid the €222M release clause with some good ol' Qatari money. The move in itself is subject to sketchy stuff, having been paid to FCB itself and not La Liga, but we're not gonna go into that cause na. Neymar himself announces, via a tearful Instagram video, that he is indeed leaving Barcelona.

Now, by the time rumors of his departure came around in May/June/July 2017, FC Barcelona had already paid €14M (out of the total €43M loyalty bonuses) to Neymar. Upon learning Neymar was actually entertaining the idea to leave, and then upon the actual €222M buying from PSG, the club stops the payment, thus not completing the initially agreed €43M sum, since they consider that, by leaving, Neymar hasn’t fulfilled his loyalty clause and thus isn’t entitled to receive any money from them.

An infamous se queda, some splendid social media trolling, a farewell dinner, the launch of a cold war from the FCB players against the board that was to last several years, some pretty creative insults and a life-time resentment being forged later, it’s August 2017.

August 2017 : Cicadas are singing, Despacito (feat Justin Bieber) is assaulting the eardrums of every unwilling car driver, and Neymar (or Neymar’s side, we don’t know from who the initiative came from) tries to sue Barcelona and ask them for the remaining €29M they claim he is owed from the loyalty bonuses.

FCB immediately respond by suing him back for breach of contract. Though they don’t only ask for him to drop the suing for the remaining €29M, naa. They also ask for him to return the €14M of the loyalty clause that had already been paid to him + 10% for delayed payment of said €14M + €8.5M in damages.

2019 summer transfer window : Amidst everything, Neymar and FC Barcelona reties links.

Funny how quick business relationship can change when it’s in everyone’s benefits.

Neymar wants out of PSG, is even willing to pay himself out from his own pocket, FCB is all the more willing to try and get him back after their spectacular UCL fumble. However, the deal fails, PSG don’t want to let him go, FC Barcelona fall short of a few millions to buy him out, and Neymar stays.

February 2020 : Lo and behold! A wild, shiny new lawsuit has appeared! And guess what? It’s all linked to the messy 2013 transfer from Santos! Just when ya think the skeletons are buried, a closet is kicked open.

Neymar’s side, this time, sues FC Barcelona for contingency payments who helped him move from Santos to FCB: essentially, they want some €7M more. So, you got two cases launched against FCB by Neymar’s side.

 June/July 2020 : The cases are presented before a judge in the High Court of Justice of Catalonia. A place Neymar starts to get familiar with. A place Leo Messi also got to know! Ah, football players’ agents and the wonderful, luring world of tax evasion.

Anyways, back to the loyalty bonuses. It’s finally ruled that Neymar has indeed breached his contract, and is therefore ordered by court to pay €6.7M to FC Barcelona.

Oh, wow. Thank God this whole circus is finished.

July 2020 : Neymar’s side appeals.

November 2020 : Now, if you sum up everything that Neymar’s side ask from Barcelona, you get the charming sum of almost €60M.

July 2021 : After many trials and tribulations, it is finally made public by the club that all cases and suing have been resolved amicably between the club and the player outside of court.

Read: huge amount of cash and verbal accords because, presumably, everyone got tired and saw they wouldn’t benefit neither financially nor image wise from the current situation.

And so, they lived happily ever after.

Or till the next summer transfer window.

[my-head-is-an-animal]

Problems With The Heart

Greg House x Dr Anna Harding (OFC)

Story Masterlist

Chapter 21 - Surgery

I finally finished up the rest of the filing and stretched my neck, reaching the nurse’s station.

‘That’s it, I’m done for the day.’ I said to Sophia who was just starting her shift.

‘You want me to check them for you?’ She said with a raised eyebrow, making me laugh.

‘Probably a good idea.’ I admitted. ‘One week and I will be back with a brand new shoulder.’

‘Well good luck, we’re all rooting for you.’ Sophia took the files and I still didn’t leave.

‘Call if it’s urgent.’ I reminded her. ‘I can consult from home.’

‘We’re under strict orders not to call for any reason.’ Sophia grinned, but I didn’t get it.

‘Cuddy?’ I guessed, frowning.

‘Dr House.’ She said, making my heart drop. ‘He said he’d be around to take any case that comes in, he’d do the filing, the paperwork, everything.’

‘And you believed him?’ I smirked, surely she hadn’t fallen for that.

‘I asked him why he was doing it and he said because it was the least he could do.’ That was unexpected. ‘What’s going on? You two back together?’

I shook my head, no longer interested in the conversation. I headed straight for the lift and with everything I could, I resisted the temptation to go to House’s office.

Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to avoid him completely. He was waiting for me in the lobby.

‘I just had the most awesome case with a priest.’ He said, trying not to say anything too heavy. ‘The preachy God part sucked, but he was a paedophile, then he wasn’t, then he had aids, then he didn’t. It was cool.’

I didn’t know what to say, so I nodded and went to walk past him, but I could hear the sounds of his cane catching up to me in the car park.

‘Why are you following me?’ I turned around just as we reached my car.

‘Because I wanna talk to you about your surgery tomorrow.’ He said it plainly and simply.

‘Really?’ I folded my arms, hating the fact that it was snowing.

‘It’ll be two hours long, they’ll go in remove the shrapnel that is about to start causing real problems and then recovery will take a relatively short amount of time with physiotherapy lasting for up to six months.’ He said it like he was talking to a medical student and I suddenly remembered Wilson’s words.

‘Why did you put yourself on call for my department?’ I asked, not wanting to play games.

‘I figured you’d want someone competent to make sure it runs smoothly while you’re recovering.’

‘I have other doctors in my department who could do that.’ I countered.

‘They might make a mistake.’

‘And you won’t?’ It was only then that I realised I was crying.

‘I won’t make a mistake.’ He said, seriously. ‘I’ll follow protocol, I’ll file and do the paperwork.’

‘But why?’ I was getting frustrated.

‘Because you’re terrified and I want to help.’

Wilson was right, he really didn’t know how to process any of this.

‘House, I am scared that I am going to be put under and not wake up.’ I explained. ‘It is a rational fear to have and stranger things have happened. I don’t need someone to help with what happens afterwards, I need someone to help me get into the OR feeling optimistic.’

It was like talking in a foreign language. I gave up, it just wasn’t worth it anymore. I went to get my keys out of my bag to unlock my car.

‘I can do that.’ He said, quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

‘It’s not your job-‘

‘I know.’ He cut me off. ‘It’s also not my job to take over your patients, but… I want to do it.’

‘No you don’t.’

‘No, you’re right I don’t!’ He snapped, catching the attention of a few people around us. ‘I don’t want to deal with paperwork or boring cases like evident heart disease in obese idiots. But I want you to love me again!’ He seemed to run out of patience and I didn’t know what to do. ‘I don’t know how to do this. You have to show me how to do this.’ I thought he might have cried. ‘Please.’

I honestly didn’t know what to do. ‘I didn’t stop loving you.’ I nodded, feeling my cheeks burn with the tears that had already fallen. ‘I just…’

‘What?’ House took a step toward me and I both couldn’t stand being so close and hated he was still so far away.

‘I just didn’t think I’d miss you so much.’ I confessed. ‘We’re not warm and fuzzy people, we’re practical and rational and that has worked for us, but you wanted to change the terms of that agreement and I still don’t know what it is you really want.’

‘I want you.’ He tried to say it like it was obvious.

‘Beyond that. What do you want?’

‘Why does there have to be a beyond?’ He said, frustrated. ‘Why can’t this be it?’ I didn’t know how to answer. ‘What do you want?’

That was the magic phrase to make me start to cry a little more. ‘God, Greg, I want to go home. I want to sleep. I don’t want to be in pain anymore and I don’t want to feel like I’m some poor broken soldier. I want to have a real life where I can do the things that make me happy. I just want to sleep again.’

I took a long moment to breathe and stop crying, looking anywhere that wasn’t at him and wiping away my tears.

‘Sleep with me.’ He said and I just looked at him, not being able to believe he just said that. ‘I don’t mean like that.’ He corrected himself. ‘I mean actually sleep in a bed with me.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you sleep better when I’m there.’ He gave a half smile and I was once again getting sucked in by those eyes. ‘You should get some rest before the surgery and you should use whatever means necessary to do that.’

‘You’re saying I should use you.’

‘I’m saying I’m volunteering to help.’ He sighed. ‘In whatever way I can.’

There was something in his expression that told me if I refused him now then I’d never have a chance to find out what he really wanted with me, what future he saw. I reasoned with myself that the full nights sleep would do me good and maybe I should be selfish for a while.

I drove us both to my place in silence. It was a little awkward but it was better than being stood in the snow arguing. We had a quick drink, but soon ended up in bed facing each other.

‘You know you’re not going to die tomorrow.’ He said, his blue eyes scanning my face in the dim light.

‘I might, the anaesthesia might have a weird effect on me and I might not wake up.’ I reasoned, but instead of arguing, House just watched me.

‘Well, if this is the last night you have on this Earth, what would you want to do most?’

I thought about it and I realised that I’d rather be in bed with him, staring at each other, talking about nothing, than anything else I could think of.

‘This.’ I whispered and again watched him process the information.

‘Can I kiss you?’ House’s eyes darkened and I couldn’t do anything but let my gaze drop to his mouth.

House softly pressed his lips to mine, it was gentle and slow, like we were committing everything to memory, but never pushing for anymore. We spent the time tensing before I fell asleep, kissing softly and staring at each other trying to figure out what to do next.

‘Everything’s going to be okay.’ He breathed as my eyes closed, unable to keep them open anymore.

House was in the viewing gallery when she was being put under, he gave her a wink as her eyes began closing. She would be fine.

Wilson was waiting outside the surgery, he wasn’t expecting that.

‘Are you going to take her home?’

House didn’t answer he just walked past Wilson and headed to his office.

‘Were you with her last night?’ He asked, he was becoming more and more irritating by the minute. ‘House, you gotta give me something.’

He went into his office and began getting on with work.

The surgery went well, all the shrapnel was removed, she didn’t die or even present with any infection or issues afterwards. Anna would be perfectly fine. He took her home when she was ready to go and stayed with her for the week. He didn’t give her any updates on her department, he let her rest and relax while she had the chance.

‘You’re painting again?’ He asked, seeing a mark on her arm.

‘Oh, yeah just a little practising.’ She lied.

‘Why are you lying? If I go in your spare room, am I going to find a naked man?’ He teased, making her laugh. ‘Seriously, what’s going on?’

Anna gave in and went into her spare room, he saw a small canvas with a partially finished canvas, it was him, an almost photographic image of his face. She was good.

‘I thought, I had the time to practice so I’d give it a go again.’ She defended weakly. ‘It’s not finished or anything, I’m a little rusty.’

‘It’s perfect.’ He said. ‘You gave up painting to become a doctor.’

‘I didn’t consciously give it up, I just got busy.’ She said, standing next to him. ‘We done in here?’

‘Sure.’ House said and decided not to push her on it.

He played the piano for her while she ate and made sure she took her medication when she needed to. But at some point he knew they needed to have a proper conversation.

‘I like this.’ He said, watching her lay on the sofa, her eyes growing heavy. ‘I like being here, I mean the stairs are a pain, but I like being here… with you.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying we should be together.’ House knew this would be hard. ‘I’m saying I’m in love with you and we should be together.’ He waited for a few minutes for her response, but she didn’t say anything. ‘Do you have anything you want to say?’

Anna inhaled deeply and he watched a tear fall from the corner of her eye. ‘What does more mean for you?’

The one question he didn’t know how to answer. The one question she needed answered. If he could just figure it out, he had a chance to make this work.

‘It means whatever you want it to mean.’ He thought about it. ‘I don’t care what that is.’

Anna didn’t say anything, she just watched him and eventually he began playing the piano again. She fell asleep on the sofa and a part of him didn’t want to wake her up, but she would be in pain if she stayed there. He got her into bed and asked if he could stay, she smiled and nodded and finally he felt like they might have been on the right track.

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