#and i didnt forget my childhood *completely*

[nicepersondisorder]

i have no idea at wich point forgetfulness stops being normal and starts turning into amnesia.

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

I love Sabo as a character so much! However something about his introduction into the story has bothered me for a while. Oda is a master story teller but it truly feels a bit like Sabo whole existence was dropped into our laps out of nowhere. What's your opinion on his introduction? And if you could, what would you change?

Thank you so much for all your amazing art! Always sparks joy.

Hello hello! I also love Sabo a lot and as such theres a lot that I’ve had to come to terms with and work out with myself. I’ll let you in on my brain worms and what they’ve concluded with this subject though so hopefully some kind of weight is lifted off your shoulders, cuz right now, i think his introduction was done really well.

So first off, All Of Luffy’s family members’s whole existences were dropped into our laps out of nowhere, to be fair.

Luffy is not one to talk about his family or his past at all. So i dont blame him for not telling us directly about sabo when he barely told us about ace as he stood in front of us in Alabasta. But even if he doesnt talk about his family, for me, it’s very easy to see what Sabo’s influence on and especially what the loss of him taught Luffy before we even officially see him. We see it especially in water 7/enis lobby/sabaody arcs. During the course of the story up to that point, we don’t really see the world government, but even so, we see Luffy’s complete understanding of the cruelty and heartache it creates. We see his utter determination to not let a single other person he loves be taken away by the world government, too.

Also in Arlong Park! We see him understand what someone’s sacrifice on his behalf looks like. He knows how it ended last time. He’s not going to let it happen again and seeing it happen again in arlong park and water 7 and sabaody and Marineford absolutely kills him. Omg not even to mention Shanks losing his arm, too. This man is completely surrounded by people sacrificing themselves for him wtf. But like Shanks’ situation didnt give him that patented World Government Hatred, babeyyyyyy

And with how he was reintroduced officially in dressrosa, i think it was very artistically done. Like having all those themes and parallels to Luffy’s childhood, even going so far as him pointing them out, himself. That, and the Mera Mera No Mi coming back into the story, it gets you thinking back on Luffy’s backstory and what his brotherhood meant to him. So like Sabo’s already in the back of your mind from that and then youre also thinking “well who the hell is gonna get this fruit once Luffy wins it??” So when Sabo comes back i just feel like “of course. Of course it could be no one else but you.”

Also E S P E C I A L L Y with introducing Sabo, famous Amnesia Patient, back into the story during an arc that explores the absolute horrors of being forgotten and being the one forgetting???? Like truly the most opportune moment to get him back in there. I really love the Dressrosa arc, i think it’s all done very well.

I feel like if it was just Ace and Luffy, it would feel incomplete. Like Sabo’s part in their backstories just adds such a delicious spice to the age old dynamic of “older brother who dies for younger brother who he loves a lot.”

Like tell me Ace’s Death would hit the same if Ace didnt already know what it felt like to lose a brother.

His passing is already beyond tragic but like Sabo’s whole part in it just makes it so much more tragic in a way thats just 😚🤌 mwah~❤️ 𝕷𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝕽𝖚𝖎𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌.

Sabo’s presence also adds a very personal level to Luffy’s understanding of the world he lived in. Like the big picture. I really think that if sabo wasnt occupying that space, Luffy wouldnt try to even know about the WG or class warfare or bother with any of that shit. Sabo is Luffy’s draw to the world around him me thinks. Like of course he would have to face that stuff when he went pirating, but those lessons would not have been taught to him before he got out there without Sabo.

This is the same in present day, like why would Luffy care at all about the Rev Army if Sabo wasnt in it? He’d be very thankful that they took Robin in, but like he wouldnt be actively asking about how the Rev Army was doing if his big bro wasnt a big part of it.

Also on that note of Sabo being in the Rev Army, I think that before Ace’s death and Sabo regaining his memory, Sabo wouldve been sneaky and largely unseen. Like yeah he barges into marine fortresses to take them down, but usually there isnt any survivors to tell the tales of him doing so. So before the timeskip, Sabo is out of the public eye. Out of any eye, really. But in my mind, when he regains his memory, i think he would do his level best to get his name out there. Thats why we see all those people in the colosseum/dressrosa be like “:O!!!! ITS THE CHIEF OF STAFF OF THE REV ARMY NOOOO” its cuz all his inhibitions left him. So like his face would be in news papers but luffy doesnt read news papers to find that Sabo’s alive and doing shit.

I think that Sabo took so long to let luffy know he was alive because he was scared luffy would hate him. I think he was scared of the potential scorn from his little brother he feels he wouldve been justified in getting. I think that if luffy was not put in a position where he wouldnt be able to fight in the colosseum anymore due to Law Getting Shot And Taken Off circumstances, Sabo wouldve let Luff keep going all the way to the end. But in that moment, Sabo knew that the fruit was no longer in his little brother’s capable hands and had to take matters into his own. Like we see him thinking about this in the episode of Sabo. We see him slowly following luffy around, listening, waiting, understanding the complexities of his situation, and ultimately making the decision to swap places with him.

I could literally talk about this forever i love talking about this forever and ever theres so much to discuss.

I’ve heard criticisms that Sabo’s amnesia story feels like fanfiction, but like,,, I just cant stop thinking about the hilarity of it all. Like why do you care that all this is all convenient, when it’s kinda funny. Like image you’re explaining your tragic backstory to someone and like you have to be like “now i know this sounds really. Really. Convenient. And ironic. But it’s My Life and I’ve had to Live Through It so please dont laugh.” Like idk!! ITS KINDA FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

I dont think i would be able to change anything about Sabo’s presence in the story without someone being out of character if im being honest. Like Luffy doesnt bring up his past, Ace doesnt like bringing up things that cause him pain, and we dont meet anyone else who knew he even existed until we see Luff’s backstory.

There’s a panel in the logue town arc though, that kinda looks like Sabo standing in the crowd. I think that maybe in the reanimated show or even the life action, if we could get a closer visual on him, just to see that he exists there, i think that would be neat.

Thanks for the question and kind words! Hope you enjoyed the long rant, i could rant for 2000000 more paragraphs but I’ll cut it there for now.

[bestdeadbeatmilf]

Round One, Bracket Three

Propaganda under the cut!

Kenjaku:

Submission 1: Kenjaku. Absolutely. Experienced the miracle of childbirth to have a son (for purely the purposes of being a vessel ) they did not bother to get to know- going quite a bit past being a deadbeat mother, what with murdering his father and leaving him to grow up raised completely by his grandfather. Actually, forget being a deadbeat mother to one son, try all nine of his siblings as well, all ditched immediately after birth! But they’re not really done after leaving the scene, and have lovingly taken the time to bodysnatch the ex of their son’s teacher, happily ruin their son’s life by making his head a roommate for an ancient sorcerer that gets him on society’s death row, barely bat an eye at the deaths of nearly all their sons, try to kill one of their sons, set up circumstances that nearly get their other son killed, and run into one of their son’s friends only to cheerful tell her they’re grateful she got along with their son. And then died housing their ex’s fetus in their man-made womb. Wonderful.

Submission 2:

Kenjaku is a genderless brain thing that took over the main character's (Itadori) mom and got laid by the main Itadori's dad in order ot enact her evil plan for the future. Truest deadbeat mom in the world she leaves soon after giving birth and Itadori doesn't know who his mom is. But wow she's kind of hot I can't lie. She's got game, she's hot and she's ambitious with her goals in life? Queen of my heart.

Extra notes: Wins both hottest deadbeat milf and dilf award in my heart

Lee Sookyung:

Submission 1:

Without spoiling too much, she kinda sorta maybe went to jail for murdering her abusive husband, and then maybe sorta kinda wrote a bestselling book about it thereby ruining her son's life by forever associating him with a murderer and then kinda maybe sorta doesn't ever address what happened and instead continues to pull the "mother knows best card" even though she hasn't spoken to him in like 20 years. SPOILER WARNING: For that reason she also is sorta maybe kinda the reason the apocalypse happens but we're not playing the blame game here she just sucks

Extra notes: I am legally required to tell you to read ORV

Submission 2:

murdered her abusive husband <3 then she wrote a book about it <3 accidentally ruined her sons life because of her refusal to speak to him/convey solidarity about the book and press attention with him + taught him that the only and best way to communicate your love for your child is to leave. when it was prophesied that he was going to be killed by the person he loved most she kidnapped and trapped him in a recreation of their childhood house and killed him. it didnt even fulfill the prophecy. shes so cool and leads an entire gang of female prisoners in the apocalypse and her sponsor/god is also a mom (and a bear. and the mother of the founder of korea). she hates her sons favorite character so bad for raising him where she didnt. you could make an argument that she gets into yuri with her sons friends if you want.

[morrison-dunwoody]

(I'll get to your Ask eventually, but for now I give you one in return :B) So, your fankids.. Pam and Benson had Abby, but Morrison.. was he a cheat/oopsy result, or did Pam and Benson divorce and Benson got with Mordo after that? 8V Orrr are they a happy polycule family? xD

Oh in my AU, Ima say Abby is kinda her own AU, where Mordeson didn't happen and it was Pamson,

But for Morrisons AU, basically Pam x Benson DID happen in 'Pam I Am', and Rigby and Eileen were already together and had a kid (Daniel, who was only a toddler)

And beforehand, Mordecai was the one with a crush on Benson, and Benson had a small one on Mordecai, but never looked into it too much, just confused on his own feelings since he wasnt sure if he was even into men either.

So how was Morrison born? Remember that episode in Season 8 when Mordecai and Rigby got messed up and mixed together?

That same exact machine that Muscle Man was a technician for, is the exact reason Morrison existed

The machine was down and needed to be back up again so Muscle Man ofc fixed it, and needed it to be tested, and of course Mordecai and Benson were there and around at the time, so they were chosen to test it, they both stood in the individual tubes as Muscle man ran the tests and started the machines

The test was meant to swap Ben and Mordos places, not do anything drastic to them as the machines glew, Mordo and Ben outta view due to that, you'd assume they were swapped places when both tubes opened (smoke coming outta each one) with Mordecai walking out completely fine but ..

That wasn't exactly the case.

Benson walked outta the fog, with a little toddler in his arms, with a completely shocked face, EVERYONE in the room was shocked, (Muscle Man, Mordo, Rigby, Eileen, Daniel just now peeking in)

Mordecai and Benson were dumbfounded and looked at Muscle Man but Muscle Man had no idea what happened either or HOW this happened, where did this kiddo come from?? He looked like a mix of both Mordecai and Benson, almost like a FUSION, but younger.

Morrisons basically a fusion of both Mordecai and Benson, he wasnt just a regular kid, he had memories from both Mordecai and Bensons childhoods but as he gained his sense of self he had his own memories (all during toddler age anyway), but because of how young he was during this, he'd later forget how he was born or created as he grew older as it wasnt usually talked about.

Mordecai and Benson werent dating at all when Morrison was created but had to work together to parent Morrison, and Bensons feelings for Mordecai grew more and more during then, and Mordecai also grew feelings, eventually they dated as they bonded through the parenting of Morrison and officially were both his dads.

Morrison often has struggles with his identity even further into teenagehood, as hes a fusion of both Mordecai and Benson, he'd often see glimpses of Mordecai and Benson when they were his age, confused, and struggling, its.. Unfortunately a struggle he keeps secret about, but he always wondered why these things occured and happened, he didnt remember how he was created either, it all felt off to him, but thats just some character stuff! Not rlly his origins

But yeah he was an accident in that teleporter thing! Brought Mordecai and Benson together, (...unfortunately Pamson didnt work when they got home BUT! Pam and Benson are still absolute ✨ besties ✨ and Morrison calls Pam "Aunt Pam")

He and Daniel bonded since toddlerhood, all the way to the present, (Morrisons 14 and Daniels 15)

[raccoonnutella13]

craig of the creek is about "whether in the pages of a book or in the time we spend together, you're the girl i long for by my side." its childhood friends to lovers but its also completely about platonic love. its that one friend you've known since kindergarten who you'll never forget. its the painful inevitability of slowly drifting away from old friends but its the positivity of knowing you'll never forget them too. its the memories that defined you but also the mundane moments you didnt realize were so special. its about being happy that it happened instead of sad that its over. its about that place that makes you feel just right but its also the people at that place that make it your home and its "how would you feel if you had to leave the place you belong" but also "mane tari sathe rahevanu game che." its about growing up and still finding your way back home despite it all.

[marilynthornhilllover]

Miranda x fem! reader.

Name: "your ok my love"

Warning: depression, anxiety, cheating dad, family issues and fluff❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹.

A/N: This was requested but they didnt put it in the ask box!! I really felt bad and decided to pure my heart into this. Hope they like it!🤍

A/N:To anyone who's suffering from family issues or trauma. Just know that your ok and your gonna be just fine.

You were having a very bad panic attack. The fear over took you. You had just got a call from your mom saying that your dad was cheating on her and that she's gonna be moving to England.

Your mom was crying ao much couldn't even speak clearly. Your dad was always breaking your mom's heart and he was always tearing the family apart by cheating. Your mom was very beautiful, well kept and very hard working.

Your dad was just a nasty old fool he didn't like the thought of growing old.

You suffered from depression and anxiety because of them. Your whole childhood you had to deal with trauma that they created.

Thank God you had a day off work. You could not go to work in this state. Messy hair, wet mascara, puffy eyes, shaking hands. You were sitting in a corner of your room crying. You couldn't stop the tears.

The pain was to much to bear.

At this point you don't even know why you were crying. Your father is just messed up.

You saw your phone lit up across the room.

Sniffing you crawled over to see who it was.

"Hope you didn't forget about our girls date babe" the text said. It was miranda

You had completely forgot about the girls sleep date night over that was supposed to happen. You began to cry more. It was your first date and you didn't want it to have to be like this.

1 hour later

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had fully changed your appearance. You washed your face. Changed your clothes.

You suddenly heard the door knock. You took a deep breath in and walked towards it. Opening the door miranda took you into her embrace. Comforting you in every possible way.

You've been dating miranda for some weeks now. And it's been the best. She's so kind and sweet. She makes you feel like your the the only thing that matters in her world. You melted into her arms. You quickly hugged her back wanting it to last forever.

" you ok, my love? You know you can talk to me with anything right?" Her tone of voice was so soft and calming. You felt like crying again. And you did. You busted out in tears as You fell to the floor whimpering.

Miranda caught you mid way. Holding you in her embrace.

You couldn't breathe. Your hands were shaking. Miranda quickly sat next to you and pulled you closer to her. " ok babe , look at me. Were gonna play a quick game ok" she tried wiping your tears but more came.

She kissed your forehead lightly.

You saw the worry and sadness in her eyes. She really loved you, and she hated seeing her lover like this. "When I breath in and out you do the same ok?" She said tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

" Your gonna be ok, I promise. I'm here ok" she slowly took a deep breath in not breaking eye contact with you. You could see the worry and panick in her eyes when she saw you were struggling to breath.

" take your time my love, it's ok, it's ok, I'm here. I'm right here. No one to hurt you, no one to judge you" she was so calming. She really tried. You followed her lead and breathed in slowly, and then breathed out.

"That's it babygirl, follow mama's lead" she said softly rubbing your back. You kept thinking about it. She placed you onto her lap as she hugged you like a baby.

You buried your face into her neck as you followed her breathing steps. " your gonna be just fine. Whatever it is that is bothering you my love your gonna be ok" she said as she placed soft kisses all over your face.

You soon fell asleep in her arms. You felt safe and sound. She carried you gently to your bed trying her hardest not to break you from your sleep. She got into bed with you as she cover both your bodies with the fluffy blanket she had, gaved you for your birthday last year.

" Your the best, darling. And I love you so much. And just know that you are enough and loved by many. " she whispered as she kissed your lips softly.

She soon fell asleep hugging you the tightest. Making sure she protected you from all the hurt your were secretly feeling.

[oaetmilk]

and concerning wizards beyond waverly place.... the way alex walks in and justin completely forgets about his wife, stores her in the garage so carelessly and basically concusses her. genuinely thinking alex was the present she brought to him. the way he didnt bother to act until alex was the one in trouble. like i can hardly believe that was all real. i've seen justin sideline people for alex all my childhood but to see it now, in 2024. alex really is his ride or die lmaooooo

[icyberrydoesthat]

reasons why i think my parents pissed off a fairy before i was born (why i think im cursed)

cursed pieces of media always seem to find me

im not exaggerating when i say ive seen more than my fair share of fucked up stuff. it always seems to land on my cellular device or my piece of paper. ill be simply enjoying a show or consuming a book as one does and the most heinous thing will happen and ill be expected to just carry on. and now i do just that, i keep calm and carry on. more specifically theres one topic that seems to pop up a lot (tw!!) incest.....now now you may be thinking "what!? incest....id drop whatever it was and go reconnect with nature...weirdo" now now lets not jump to conclusions, 9/10 that movie/book/manga/whatever is actually really good (the other 1/10 lands you in therapy) and the incest or whatever never progresses the plot at all, but is a big enough plotwist to give me whiplash. and dont you worry, ive got an example. last year, i needed a book so i went to my schools library with a friend. about 10 mins of searching resulted in no book i felt inclined to read....until my friend gasps, a book in her hands..."Shadowhunters"?? i had never heard of it but apparently it was a big part of her childhood, something that soothed the gaping hole Twilight left...okay ill read i said. reading the first few chapters was great, i could practically smell an enemies to lovers and the big mystery of who and where mc's brother is was lingering in the back, my type of book i thought happily. little did i know....mc and ml were infact revealed to be siblings......i dropped my book. i had already thought it was weird that ml's adoptive brother had a crush on him but that gets crushed quick and now this...? now you may be thinking isnt it illegal or sum to promote incest..? and yes u are right, so you can imagine my deep sense of relief i felt when mc and ml were infact not related... because i didnt know how much more i could take of the ml yearning for his literal sister..(he was relentless...). but it doesnt stop there, for all you sickos out there, the author still managed to weasel some incest in. when the ml and mc are still believed to be siblings by them and everyone, another ml enters, this boy is perfect, maybe even a better fit for mc, girl is feeling it too. turns out this second guy is none other than.....her brother !! shocked you didnt it...(hes completely sick and knows the entire time....he wants his sister). but dont worry guys other than that, Shadowhunters is really good, character development? chefs kiss. i luv isabelle.

all my pens perish

im not exaggerating when i say i probably go through 6 pens a week, either they explode in my school blazer, completely new pens dry out in my pencil case, snap or most common cause, i lose them. i try pencil and the lead snaps in the middle so now matter how much i sharpen it, it will never be useful again. this is a cry for help, any stationary reccs??

i lose everything all the time

would you believe me if i said ive lost my keys a total of 5 times this year? well dont. because ive lost them 7 times and only 3 of the times have they been returned. im a regular at the keymaker.... how many of you can you say that??? i hope none, i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i think this 'losing stuff' thing ties in rather nicely into my fish memory too, im pretty convinced ive got a rare amnesia that hasnt been discovered yet. its almost impossible, scratch that, it is impossible for me to remember everything for school the next day, ill always forget at least one thing. my friends will try referencing a supposedly funny/memorable thing that happened and ill just stare. theyll stare back and then do everything in their power to try to make me remember...nothing works.

my friends always have the same crushes as me

you may be thinking, well thats kind of normal for a group of girls that hang around eachother to have the same taste in people and i i thought so too, until it was such a regular thing i just stopped telling them about my crushes. i do have a story, start scene-its the end of a history lesson and im really happy, its been good lesson and i love history. im abit tired because its P5, the end of the day, for that reason, im lagging just a little, i leave my book usually at school because ive got two and my bag doesnt need any added weight . as im packing, a boy, a desk away from mine, walks over and takes my book to the cabinet, some thing he really did not need to do. and i don't know why but i guess im attracted to people being nice, even if it was just a decent human being doing just decent things... the next day, i realise i do want this boy, sadly. i had noticed him before, hes the kind of pretty that doesnt need to exist in a boy but if it does, he unfortunately becomes an object of envy. long lashes, blonde hair, droopy kinda eyes that make him look sleepy all the time. we had just never talked, seeing as we never had reason to. the next day, in a maths lesson, my friend says, "hey don't you think so and so is cute..." as shocked as i was, partly because this friend had been gushing about a different boy an hour ago and partly because it had happened again, i think i played the "really? maybe if i squint really hard he's meh" role really well....long story short, they're dating now....

now youve read my reasoning, there are more...but i just cant remember, i just know you see what i mean. my parents deffo pissed off some magical being and in return it cursed their firstborn daughter.

xoxo

A

ps: this is actually my second time re writing this because i accidentally deleted but the world just needed to know...ty for reading to the end <3

[k1ngj0ve]

Random Metalocalypse headcanons

Nathan: I think hes bisexual (but hides it), is deeply emotional, likes and is kind to children but doesnt want any of his own (hopes someone else will have kids he can dote on), the only instrument he plays is piano (but not super well), is straight up the only one here who is actually A Goth, is deeply deeply insecure, has accidentally become a 'can only solve problems with threats' type due to that being how he dealt with bullying. Also he has ALWAYS had vaguelly prophetic dreams since childhood, but cant tell them apart from regular ones and cant always tell if they are good or bad, so he only sometimes does what they say

Skwisgaar: i made a long post about this previously but he has complete dylexia and due to his intense anxiety and his moms general belittling of mistakes he actually is WAY worse at english than it seems like he is and he sort of just muddles through and pretends. His english is much worse when hes thinking about it, which the others noticed, which is why they rarely correct anything he says because hell go silent for 3 days. Also hes bisexual (openly before being in Dethklok) and yes he IS some kind of god child but he probably WASNT appointed for the soul purpose of making babies Toki: not stupid! not 'mind of a child'. Just immature. I headcanon that he was not of-age when he joined Dethklok and someone in Dethklok (i havent decided who is funniest yet) had to legally adopt him to keep him in the country and they kinda forgot. He only hit 21 in season 1 and while he HAD been drinking before that he really started going overboard after it got easier. Also, skwisgaar taught him english (hence same pluralization quirk) but hes now much better at it. Despite his comments about 'superior scandinavian education' he didnt actually go to school and didnt learn to read or write until he was older, but hes very good with computer codes and math. ALSO his parents arent his real parents, he was thought to be a demon child born to a member of the flock with no husband and was adopted to be 'fixed' but ended up just goign towards demonic things since he thinks hes a demon. Is it true? idk. Murderface: Gay but also in-universe many many many many people are attracted to him. Hot people. Movie stars. gay men especially. Refuses to admit hes gay because it feels like 'giving in' to a thing that everyones always said about him. He grew up in Tomahawk with pickles but doesnt have the accent because he took after his grandparents. PIckles mom refuses to admit she knows murderface. ALSO that 'murderface expert' guy is making up at least half of that. he does bath he just has like skin problems and is too impatient to deal with them and too anxious about being made fun of to go to the doctor about minor issues like athletes foot. Hes in a secret highly emotional online relationship with a guy hes only seen in person once because of insecurity reasons

Pickles: trans or cis depending on my mood at the moment ;p Bisexual and knows it but doesnt knwo the word for it. A lot of health problems hes been diagnosed with but he always forgets about. Wears contacts (or just chooses to be blind some days). He is NOT Mollys son, actually, hes Calverts from a mistress which is why his mom hates him so much (also why his dad said he belonged in a 'garbage can', hes referencing that he wishes pickles mom had an abortion). yes of COURSE hes in love with nathan, he just like assumes its not possible and 99% of the time is okay with that. Ofdenson: for some reason i had a misunderstanding for many years that he had ALWAYS been part of the church of the black klok and so even now that i know its not true, i still prefer it. To me, this is why he is so fucking negligent-- in some way the klokateers and audiences must be a blood sacrifice for the apocalypse (or potentially to stave it off? unclear). Additionally he is largely responsible for the entire 'look' of the enterprise. I simply dont believe that half the shit in mordland were ever seen by dethklok or could even possibly have been conceived of by them, let alone asked for. My headcanon is he is the one that started the entire 'branding of the gears' thing and is responsible for the brainwashing (this i think has canon support at least)

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

Hello, this is so random but I was listening to a Spotify playlist of mine and the shuffle threw on Silhouette by Owl City and i can't even explain it but that song made me think of your depiction of Sabo and i started crying in my car. (Like right after he got his memories back.)

I adore your art and your ability to story tell and think you are brilliant okay have a wonderful day/night.

You dont know what youve done to me, how dare you. This song is so

Like yes exactly that is it. That’s my sabo.

Its just,, like its past the point of the fire and the flames of the grief, its just.. he’s just the husk. He’s trying not to fall into an emotionless depression but its hard.

The lines

Im sick of the past i cant erase

A jumble of footprints and hasty steps i cant retrace

The mountain of things that i still regret

is a vile reminder that I’d rather just forget

Hits particularly hard.

Like i have to wonder if he’s ever thought that he would rather just have amnesia for the rest of his life.

It makes me think like… he didnt completely not know who he once was. He was found in the Goa Kingdom by dragon within the city, so they all knew where he came from. At any time, he could’ve went back there and try to regain his memories.

But he didnt.

And now its too late.

I cant fucking imagine the guilt and the regret that would come from that.

He doesnt want those feelings anymore though. He’s tired of it, he just wants it to over. Why wont it just end? Why does he still feel this way? Why is the world committed to torturing him?

Also, it doesnt hurt to your claim that Genius says that the first couple lines may be referencing the songwriter’s childhood insomnia, so theres that.

But yeah, like i love Owl City. Thanks for this suggestion, but also never talk to me again how dare you put me through this.

Thanks for the ask!

[needtoloveoutloud]

The second anon here ( ◡‿◡ *)

For those cute emoticons, I have my sites bookmarked but you can just google japanese emoticons or kaomoji and you should find some and you can just copy and paste them. That's how I do it

thank u for replying to my question about the reader insert and thank you for being so cool about it!

U said you were open to any questions, so about 40?

(I didnt come up with them, I found them on another blog, they are being reblogged)

ლ(◉‿◉ ლ)

1. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

2. Who is your favorite person in the world?

3. Whats your favorite part of your body?

4. When you are feeling down, what always cheers you up no matter what?

5. Describe one of the best days of your life.

6. What youtube video or vine always makes you laugh without fail? Link it!

7. What was some of the best advice you've ever been given?

8. What is the superior breakfast food of choice and why?

9. What's one of your fondest childhood memories?

10. Describe your dream home.

11. Everybody is good at something. What are you good at?

12. Do you have any little party tricks that most people don't know about?

13. What was an instance that completely turned your bad day/week around for the better?

14. Name the first ten things that make you happy right now. Don't even think too hard about it just write whatever comes to mind first.

15. What's the best pun you've ever heard?

16. What song always makes you happy no matter what?

17. What is an inside joke that no one else would understand?

18. Tell us about a moment where you felt absolutely free and alive.

19. What's your favorite fruit?

20. What is one of your favorite art pieces of all time?

21. What is your favorite family tradition? Or a tradition with any group of people you are involved with if you don't have any family traditions.

22. Have you ever purchased something expensive that you didn't really need, but it's made you so happy that it was worth it? What is it?

23. What's your favorite place on your body to be massaged?

24. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

25. Who is a person that has changed your life for the better?

26. Has anyone ever given you a compliment that was so meaningful to you and you will never forget? What was it?

27. What are you proud of in your life?

28. Post a selfie of yourself that you think is hot fire and needs to be appreciated (because you are so damn good looking)

29. What's your favorite video game ever?

30. What are you a fuckin nerd about that you could talk about for forever? Feel free to do a lil rant here about how much you love said thing and why it's awesome

31. You are in a powerful position, in charge and giving orders to people who all respect you for how good you are at your job. What would this job be?

32. You fall off a boat and wash up ashore on an island. Seems shitty but then you realize this place is a paradise with servants at your beck and call, a mansion, and every entertainment you can wish for. Also there are no bugs. You get to choose 3 other people to invite and have the time of your lives. Who are they? (These can be any currently living person in the world)

33. You get 1 million dollars. You are not allowed to save it or invest it, but instead are only allowed to use it to treat yourself. How do you spend it?

34. What are you looking forward to currently??

35. Describe your dream wedding (or if you aren't into that describe a dream vacation. Or do both who cares!)

36. What's your favorite kind of animal to chill with?

37. What have you done that felt very fulfilling at the end?

38. what's your favorite movie that leaves you with a great feeling at the end?

39. What was the most relaxed you've ever felt?

40. And finally, describe any one thing that makes you super happy. It can be a memory, an upcoming event, a person, a piece of art, a piece of clothing....whatever. as long as it makes you happy, then tell us about it!

🌺🌺 🌺🌺 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 Λ 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺 ( ˘ ᵕ ˘ 🌺🌺🌺 ヽ つ＼ ／ UU / 🎀 \

It's the Anon with the cute emoticon things again!

Wait, 40 (?!) questions? Damn, okay, hold on, lemme make myself some tea first so I can answer them while fully waking up (god, I hope the answers will make sense, I haven't been awake for long)

Okay, lol so I'm back.

Thanks for letting me know about the emoticon thing. :)

Now, to your questions.

1. What was the last thing that made you laugh? One of my colleagues made a really dark humored statement in a situation thar wasn't really suited for a “joke”. I love well (or incredibly bad) timed jokes. And oddly enough, he managed to not be disrespectful about the situation itself. Idk, it really managed to lift the mood

2. Who is your favorite person in the world? Just one person? Well, if you're gonna make me choose, I'm gonna say my husband (I always feel so old saying 'husband', but I'm in my mid-twenties lmao, we got married 'young' I guess)

3. What's your favorite part of your body? My right arm because I've got a beautiful floral tattoo on it

4. When you are feeling down, what always cheers you up no matter what? My husband, best friend, cat, sleep

5. Describe one of the best days of your life. I'm not sure if it's a single best day, but looking back, I'd say when I was a kid and my best friend and I would spend the entire summer days outside, just playing, running around, going to the public pool, collecting lavender... all that stuff. I miss being that carefree.

6. What youtube video or vine always makes you laugh without fail? Link it! Idk if there's a single one but video game glitches sometimes get me. Mostly Skyrim/Oblivion ones. Other than that: plenty of TikToks

7. What was some of the best advice you've ever been given? I haven't been given it personally and read it somewhere a while ago, but it goes something like this: “Everything that's worth doing is doing worth badly.” Meaning, for example, if your physical or mental energy doesn't allow you to have a full-on hygiene session with a hair mask and body lotion shaving legs, and all that, simply have a quick shower without any extra stuff. If you don't feel up for sports or to work out, just do some light stretching. If you can't love yourself completely on some days, maybe just find a super small thing about yourself that you don't hate. At least that's how I interpreted it. Sometimes only 2 % of our normal amount of energy is the 100 % we can bring up on some days, and that's fine. Just do whatever you can. Doing nothing is ALSO doing something, though. You can be busy just trying to get through the day without doing anything objectively productive.

8. What is the superior breakfast food of choice and why? Hot baked rolls/bread (actual bread) with homemade scrambled egg with vegetables in it.

9. What's one of your fondest childhood memories? The thing is, the more my therapist asks about my childhood, the more I realize that I barely remember anything about it. Even at ages that I should remember stuff. Either that, or I can remember some things with a scary accuracy. Anyways, again, I think I'd go with carefree days with my best friend. Not sure if there is one super specific memory that sticks out.

10. Describe your dream home. A house, surrounded by lots of garden and clover (not plain grass) and spots where I can plant flowers and veggies and stuff. Inside, it has high ceilings and a mixture of modern and comfortable. While it's nice to look at, I don't like the 100 % completely open-floored plan. I want nooks and crannies and partially mismatched furniture and a home that looks like it's been lived in and, more importantly, you're allowed to live in it. While white and beige and stuff is nice, I want a lot of colors and plants in there. Big windows (that preferably magically clean themselves lol). Natural wood flooring. Oh, and a fireplace.

11. Everybody is good at something. What are you good at? I'd say listening and empathizing with others.

12. Do you have any little party tricks that most people don't know about? lmao my party trick is when I actually show up and stay late

13. What was an instance that completely turned your bad day/week around for the better? I usually have a bad time when I'm away from my safe space/home. So, as soon as I come home back to my own bed, my cat, my husband, and all my little lovely little things, I can finally relax again

14. Name the first ten things that make you happy right now. Don't even think too hard about it just write whatever comes to mind first. our new home, my husband, cat, friends, good food, my tea, fresh/clean air, feeling accomplished because I deep cleaned the kitchen yesterday, people being interested in my fanfic/story and liking it, and, I think most importantly: the little addition that will hopefully come to be in about eight months time :)

15. What's the best pun you've ever heard? Oh god, it's usually spontaneous/situational stuff so I can't really remember, sorry

16. What song always makes you happy no matter what? A very basic answer, but I truly dgaf: "Shut Up and Dance" by WALK THE MOON

17. What is an inside joke that no one else would understand? Too many to count, too many to think of one right now (also, too not awake yet)

18. Tell us about a moment where you felt absolutely free and alive. I come from the countryside and a smaller village that had a lot of untouched nature around it and there was a little stream of water outside of town (twenty minutes by bike) right at the edge of the woods where there was still a meadow before it turned into a full on forest. At any rate, I think I was about ten or something (my parents pretty much let me do whatever as long as they sort of knew where I was) and I went there by myself and simply layed in the grass. Didn't do anything. Napped. But otherwise, didn't do anything. Maybe listened to the crickets and the water or brought a book, can't remember. But I just lazed around in the sun like a cat.

19. What's your favorite fruit? Pear

20. What is one of your favorite art pieces of all time? Pretty much everything by Van Gogh. Idk, I love him. Also: any fanart for my fanfiction 🤍

21. What is your favorite family tradition? Or a tradition with any group of people you are involved with if you don't have any family traditions. My husband and cat always receive three pecks (my cat on her little forehead) before I/we go to sleep.

22. Have you ever purchased something expensive that you didn't really need, but it's made you so happy that it was worth it? What is it? I don't have enough money to buy something that I don't really need lmao Then again, maybe I rationalize a lot of things and think I need some things. The last expensive thing I got was a new rug for my home office room

23. What's your favorite place on your body to be massaged? None. I hate being massaged.

24. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Had to google what that is, I'm not from the US. So, no idea - never had one of those things

25. Who is a person that has changed your life for the better? Myself. Others help, but ultimately, I think you have to change stuff yourself.

26. Has anyone ever given you a compliment that was so meaningful to you, and you will never forget? What was it? I think in general it's when people say that they feel safe around me and that they feel like they can talk about whatever without being judged. And with the fanfic, it's pretty much the same: when people say that they like it and some even said that the story brings them comfort, so that's super fucking amazing

27. What are you proud of in your life? Making it past 15

28. Post a selfie of yourself that you think is hot fire and needs to be appreciated (because you are so damn good looking)

29. What's your favorite video game ever? Skyrim/Valheim/Sims - I mod all of them

30. What are you a fuckin nerd about that you could talk about for forever? Feel free to do a lil rant here about how much you love said thing and why it's awesome Various Anime/manga lmao and I think I rant enough about them

31. You are in a powerful position, in charge and giving orders to people who all respect you for how good you are at your job. What would this job be? no clue, sorry :D Tried to come up with something smart but couldn't

32. You fall off a boat and wash up ashore on an island. Seems shitty but then you realize this place is a paradise with servants at your beck and call, a mansion, and every entertainment you can wish for. Also there are no bugs. You get to choose 3 other people to invite and have the time of your lives. Who are they? (These can be any currently living person in the world) K, realistically, I would probably panic and drown immediately after falling of the boat, because I have an actual phobia of open water. Anyways, for the three people: I'd take my husband, my bestie, and her boyfriend so she wouldn't feel like the third wheel hahah

33. You get 1 million dollars. You are not allowed to save it or invest it, but instead are only allowed to use it to treat yourself. How do you spend it? God, I'd love to invest it for a stable and secure financial future once I'm old and can't work anymore. Otherwise, probably buy a nice apartment and some nice art and plants

34. What are you looking forward to currently?? Two things: finally being finished with the new apartment and having everything cozy and: holding my baby in my arms for the first time (hopefully healthy) in about eight months lol

35. Describe your dream wedding (or if you aren't into that describe a dream vacation. Or do both who cares!) Dream vacation is basically just doing fuck all and lounging around at the beach (NOT in the water) and reading a good book and napping whenever. No schedule, no stress, no commitments.

36. What's your favorite kind of animal to chill with? cats

37. What have you done that felt very fulfilling at the end? finishing big projects at work and sticking with writing/publishing my fanfiction

38. what's your favorite movie that leaves you with a great feeling at the end? Princess Mononoke

39. What was the most relaxed you've ever felt? See question 18 💁‍♀️

40. And finally, describe any one thing that makes you super happy. It can be a memory, an upcoming event, a person, a piece of art, a piece of clothing....whatever. as long as it makes you happy, then tell us about it! my cat's currently on my lap, purring - judging what I'm replying to those questions. That makes me happy :)

Phew, that took a WHILE. I'm hope it's to your satisfaction, Anon 🤍

[nyx-is-missing]

IN MY HC JUDE DUARTE, TARYN DUARTE AND VIVI DUARTE ARE HALF DESI.

(And jude and taryn are half latinas)

LET ME COOK, the oficial art we have of jude shows us that she is a dark skinned girl, and the most common fancast for her is a brazillian actress, the scenes are taken from a soup opera that made hude success here.

As a brazillian i am taking this as a opportunity.

It was hcs in general but it grew up to something more, no complains!!

I kinda wanna do a pt2 on the revel..

I imagine the girls childhood, living is a nice neighborhood on the suburbs but going out every weekend to smaller neighborhoods filled with people from their culture.

Eating white people food sometimes to blend out but loving indian and latin food, especially brazillian food: they ate Samosa, curry, the brazillian barbecue, naan, feijoada etc....

The books mentions them eating other asian foods as well, they do that to stay as close to culture as they can.

One of the memories from home they could never forget was when they went all out as a family to enjoy their culture, whether it was a huge birthday party, or a even bigger indian wedding where they would dress in tradicional clothing and wear minor jewelry, or even a simple brazillian barbecue with friends where they would feel the thing all br kids feel while they wait by the pool for their parents to stop dancing and tk put them food, a plate of Rice, and meat with farofa temperada and vinagrete, ofc with a cup of guaraná.

They loved the languages, mostly mixing them up while talking fast so their parents would not understand what they were trying to say to one another, they still do that in faeryland. They loved understanding the music as well.

Abou the music, i picture them having so much fun dancing to the music at parties, learning coreographies or just spinning around to the songs.

I can perfectly see taryn sleeping in a chair late at night at a party (they grew up with noise, developing the ability to sleep anywere was a must) while jude and vivi tired themselfs out with a group of kids or older people learning the dancings and the meaning Behind them.

Carimbó was very common, they loved spinning around with their huge skirts full of colours, moving their bodies with the rithim

The books show us jude snapping and trying to rebel to somethings, i can see her pulling the seamstress aside to request her a bunch of lehengas with the other dresses, a Red one with Gold details, a Black one with Silver details, a water green one, a orange one etc... not even taryn knew about it, it was her secret small rebellion, they didnt take her for one them? Well she didnt either, she was human, a hot blooded human, and she was going to show them that

And after thinking about it for a sec she even asked for some more jewelry to madoc, indian jewelry, he gave her Gold and she went with vivi to the mortal world to buy them, vivi loved it, every second of it.

They came back with tons of jewelry and jude even got her nose pierced, it had the tiniest little Stone that she used to keep the perfuration from closing up, it was easy to cover up until the day of the revel

And she was especially exited when the day finally came

She had the complete package, the red lehenga that complemented her skin, a maangtika she wore with her hair down, for the first time in years, a nath on her nose, jhumkas in her ears, a haath phool in her hands, she even went to the human world to do some henna, she had never been more human in years, and she wasnt hating it.

She went down the stairs of her house feeling great, and the feeling grew at the compliments her family gave her, taryn was a bit on the jealous side but madoc told her not to complain, jude had the idea and made it come true, even after giving up one of the fabrics to make her happy.

Even vivi decided to go this once, she loved little acts of rebellion

Oriana was satisfied to see jude being less... the usual, for once, and even made a small talk about the outfit, jewelry and the meaning.

But a question Vivi ansewered herself:

"Oh, about the nose ring? Some women wore them as a symbol of marital status, but it has various meanings, womanhood, elegance, a sense of rebellion..."

She smiled to jude, eyes glowing as she smiled back

It was going to be fun, and jude couldnt wait for her blood to heat up again.

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

A Black Rose Among Sunflowers (part 1)

A/N: Okay so a couple things 1. this story is dark, not dark!Reid but part mentions of CSA, childhood sexual abuse, alcohol addiction, PTSD from the CSA, abusive relationships, and domestic violence. The story while also have allusions to dark smutty books such as Haunting Adeline and other books ive read and those come with their own trigger warning so you may want to look at those before reading this. Also we don't kink shame anyone who likes these things CONSENSUALLY and who are above the age of 18. You do you baby boos, that being said minors DNI.

Word Count 2.2k

I bit my lip and gently pushed my key in the lock, it was late, later than I had originally told Casey i would be but with any luck he would have drank himself into oblivion and I would just be able to sneak in. The lights were all out and I breathed a sigh of relief as I pushed the door shut quietly behind me, freezing as the click of the lock seemed to echo through the apartment. I walked down the hallway and placed my keys on the counter not wanting to take the chance of the sound of metal hitting glass waking Casey up. I walked into the kitchen and rolled my eyes seeing the dirty dishes from what I presumed to be just enough dinner to keep him from throwing up like a sloppy drunk but not enough to take his buzz away. Checking the fridge I confirmed my suspicions that he didn't make enough for two, I would probably get some drunken rambling about “If you just cared about me as much as your slut stories we might have dinner together everyone once in a while.” Well maybe if I wasnt subjected to mediocre sex that lasted all of seven minutes with someone who didn't smell like a damn distillery I might not need to live in the world of make believe smutty daddies. I mean honestly who wants to just have their cervix poked awkwardly while their boyfriend completely misses their clit and then gets mad they didnt get off?

“You’re late Addie.” I stilled at the sound of his voice and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Casey had stayed up waiting for me several times and it always led to a confrontation, usually just ending in words being exchanged, maybe a broken glass or two thrown by either one of us, and a ‘whore’ followed by a ‘fuck you’ and me slamming the door and walking to Gabriella (my sister’s house) to sleep for the night. But this…no the energy was off tonight his voice was condescendly sweet and his hands trailed along the back of my neck but the pressure suggested this wasn’t out of concern. No, he was absolutely livid but yet he was calm as a priest and all of the alarm bells went off in my brain.

“I…I lost track of time. And when i saw how late it was i just thought-”

“Thought i would forget and be asleep? Thought Casey’s probably already passed out cold so i might as well just keep doing whatever the fuck I want? Even though I’m in a goddamn relationship and should be at home?” I shivered and moved to step around him but his hand closed around the back of my scalp tightly, my blue tinted hair being ripped out by the root. A sharp cry left my mouth and I instantly clapped a hand over my mouth but it was already too late. Casey had heard it and that meant so had potentially the neighbors, and Casey sure as hell wasn’t going back to jail. A harsh slap came across my cheek and I fell to the ground. I raised my head to look at him but all I got was a faceful of the bottom of his work boots before a sickening squelsh was heard as it made contact with my eye. I'm actually pretty sure the toe of his boot got stuck in my eye goop for a second. Gross. 

“One of us has to pay the rent, and we know damn well it’s not going to be you.” Why the hell did my adhd and my inability to filter my thoughts have to make its appearance right now? Apparently my brain just doesn't understand the idea of self preservation because instead of making a break for the door in Casey’s moment of stunned silence I just stood there staring him down like I’m 6’2” instead of 5’2”. I always joked with my sister Gabriella that men couldnt hurt me because of our father, that a 6 '1'' 200 something pound man beating the shit out of a 6 year old and me surviving meant i could square up with anyone. Like an older sister would be she was mortified and tried to get me to see reason. Mainly: No Adrienne just because you survived horrific child abuse does NOT mean you should go out seeking conflict with grown men just to prove yourself. Alas, my sister got all of the common sense and I got all of the anger issues which has led to my current predicament.

“The FUCK did you just say to me you stupid bitch?” Come on brain do something don’t just have me stand here like a fucking idiot. Casey reached for me but I dodged out of the way picking up one of the sausage pokers (is that what they're called? Whatever the prong looking kitchen utensil you shove inside meat to flip it over, I'd rather shove it up Casey’s meat though). He paused for a moment before he let out a hearty laugh and to be honest if this were a scene in a movie I would probably be laughing too, like what kind of dumb bitch picks up a sausage poker instead of KNIFE when they're in the middle of a domestic assault in their kitchen? “Come on little love, we both know you're not going to do anything with that. Put it down and be a good girl and suck my cock and I might not leave too many bruises' ' I felt my stomach twist at his words and was instantly thrown back to an eerily similar conversation with my father when I was 9. 9 year old little me who couldnt fight back when he would beat me black and blue with a belt, little 9 year old me that couldnt fight back as he savagely raped me because ‘this is how daddies show their love now be a good little girl and suck my cock’

“Fuck off Casey…just just get out.” He was walking closer to me and my blue eyes widened seeing that 1. His pupils were huge and 2. Casey had an erection. Ew, who the hell gets turned on being threatened to be stabbed is this like the backwards version of Haunting Adeline? Only it's not a gun going up a pussy, it's a sausage poker going..well anywhere i can get him really. He walked closer to me again and I swung the poked at him. “I said get out you cunt” His eyes narrowed and he lunged at me, I closed my eyes and moved the poker forward and twisted when i felt it come in contact with his skin. OH GOD I was twisting around the muscle inside Casey’s leg. I watched him fall to the ground and thankfully I gained a brain cell in the process and practically ripped my door off the hinges fleeing in the process. Not paying attention to where my legs were taking me just wanting to put as much distance between Casey and myself in case he magically became the hulk and ran after me. I sighed when I saw the 24/7 cafe Lilianna’s appear in my vision. I threw the door open and I'm sure I looked a sight because Lilliana dropped the latte she was pouring causing the customer to frown and turn to see what could have caused the beverage to be spilled.

“Adrienne-” I was about to brush her off but the man was already standing and held my chin in his hand forcing my chin up so he could look at my eye, or whatever was left of it and dear sweet jesus I’m pretty sure this man is what inspires the smutty authors because he is both delicious and terrifying. 

“What happened?” His voice was low and gravelly, obviously physically and judging by the cold calculatedness in his eyes probably emotionally exhausted. His hazel eyes stared into mine, at least they looked hazel blood pouring out of your eye really fucks up you vision. Some kind of badge and gun situated on his right hip, ah law enforcement then, no wonder he jumped up so quickly. For a moment I thought about lying but something about his face suggested it would be a bad idea.

“Dr. Reid if I may…Casey Thomas is a nasty piece of work, that's her boyfriend.” Lilliana’s voice was soft but also strangled, poor woman I was going to have to buy multiple coffees for the rest of my life to make up for the trauma I'm sure I just caused her to witness. His eyebrows raised in a silent question and I nodded my head because apparently shock is you know a thing and I’m fairly certain I'm slipping into it now that the adrenaline has worn off. 

“Let’s go.” In hindsight I probably should have fought harder to stay with Lilliana because even though this cop has the credentials of a man he's still..well a man and I'm definitely at a disadvantage with my blooded eye and my now bleeding scalp. Should’ve taken the poker with me, I read somewhere if you take impaled objects out, well damn i probably kept the fucker alive keeping it in there. I couldn't help the chuckle that came out of my mouth and Dr. Reid looked down at me worriedly.

“Don’t worry doc im not delirious from blood loss, I was just thinking about how I kept the sausage poker shoved in Casey’s thigh and so I’m probably the only reason that fucker didnt bleed out.” I really probably should've just kept my mouth shut because I don't know how close to a confession that could be to attempted murder and I just admitted that to a cop. A pretty cop but a cop nonetheless. I gave him directions to my apartment and he walked up the stairs, gun drawn, I'm sure he was prepared for a lethal Casey, and to be honest so was I. I waited in the car for him and 15 minutes later he reappeared talking to someone on the phone.

“I’m with her now Em. I'll let you know when I know more. …Yeah her apartment is like two down from mine so you know the address. …Alright see you soon.” He disconnected the call and a tired sigh came out of his mouth before he ran his hands through his unruly hair. “My name is Spencer Reid, I work for the BAU. That was my boss Emily, they're coming to check out your apartment. Casey wasn't there.” I felt a shiver wrack through my body out of fear or just exhaustion I don't know. “I’ll need to take your statement about what happened tonight, but let’s get you cleaned up first.” I nodded and he opened the car door for me and started leading me up the stairs just as black SUVs with flashing blue and red lights appeared in the parking lot.

“Reid!” We both turned around at the voice and a dark brunette woman in a power suit got out of the driver's side and walked over, her hard expression faltering slightly when she saw my bloodied face but it was quickly replaced by a cold, stoic expression. So this must be Emily, definitely a bombshell powerhouse, good for her, fuck the patriarchy and all that jazz.

“This is Adreinne-”

“I’m Adrienne Wilson, even though I guess I resemble something out of a horror film right now. My uh…my boyfriend was drunk and angry that I got back so late, he was waiting for me and I'm sure his boot is now covered in my eye juice. Should've shoved the poker up his sausage but I really didn't want to see that…oh shit can I go to jail for that?” Emily and Spencer both looked at me with a mixture of concern and amusement in their eyes.

“I didn't hear anything. Spencer said he would look you over while we collect evidence from your apartment. Would you like a female member of our team to go with you?” Yes probably should have been the logical answer but I found myself squeezing his hand tighter and slightly hiding behind his larger frame. Emily looked from me, to Spencer, back to me. “Understandable, Reid, bring her back to the office once you get her cleaned up.” He nodded and with a gentle yet firm hand on my lower back he led me to his apartment. I smiled seeing all the books cluttering the area. He disappeared into the bathroom and reappeared with both a soapy cloth and just a warm wet one. He gently cleaned the blood off my face and frowned when he saw my eye.

“You’ll definitely have a black eye but i don't feel any broken bones, can you see how many fingers i’m holding up?” I nodded and answered “Any cloudiness, black spots, halos, or double vision?” I shook my head no.

“Do you think I could…I could take a shower?” I didn't even recognize my own voice. It sounded so small and scared. 

“Your apartment will be unavailable at least until tomorrow…you could use my shower if you wanted though.” I nodded and followed him down the hallway. He showed me the bathroom and gave me a fluffy towel along with a t- shirt and sweatpants before closing the door quietly leaving me alone with just my thoughts.

[pesterloglog]

Gamzee Makara, John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde, Dave Strider, Karkat Vantas, Jake English, Jade Harley

Candy, page 15

GAMZEE: OoOpS mOtHeRfUcKeRs.

JOHN: oops???

ROXY: its fine gamz

ROXY: accidents happen

ROXY: um

ROXY: hey thx everyone for joining me today

ROXY: wow now that im up here its like

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i have no idea what to say

ROXY: and i guess thats cuz there IS nothing to say

ROXY: theres no words to describe how i felt about dirk strider

ROXY: and even tho he left a note that had hella words in it

ROXY: they might as well have been sayin nothing

ROXY: which is just like dirk i guess

ROXY: to leave us with a load of bullshit and no idea why he did what he did

ROXY: so im just gonna say that

ROXY: im glad that he was in my life

ROXY: and give it over to someone whos way more eloquent than me

DAVE: hey guys

DAVE: wanna apologize in advance cuz this is about to get a lil real

DAVE: realer than that three quarters of a corpse im standing about two feet from right now

DAVE: i mean i totally hate to ruin everyones mood on a day where weve gathered to think deep thoughts about how one of us just went and fucking offed themselves

DAVE: not like were gonna be stumbling through our lives constantly experiencing intrusive thoughts about this specific event or anything

DAVE: hey remember what our good pal dirk looked like with no head

DAVE: p hard to forget since getting decapitated was like his third favorite hobby

DAVE: so its not so much the body thats the problem but the sorta

DAVE: existential realization of finality i guess

DAVE: though i aint gonna lie the bodys starting to stink

DAVE: sorry all that shit i just said was a load of absolute bull meant to deflect from the fact that im pretty shook about this

DAVE: i used to do that a lot

DAVE: like basically every time i opened my mouth

DAVE: most of you know this but i had a kinda shitty childhood

DAVE: not gonna go into details but

DAVE: long story short it was technically my good ol bro-dad heres fault

DAVE: not this specific version of him

DAVE: the one i grew up with was a

DAVE: a

DAVE: he was

DAVE: he was just an absolute bastard no offense to the dead

DAVE: yeah ok sure he taught me a ton of shit that if were being generous was in theory useful

DAVE: but he didnt give a single solitary shit about raising a well adjusted kid

DAVE: or

DAVE: raising a kid in general

DAVE: i was more like his disciple

DAVE: and all that mattered was his grand design or wtf ever

DAVE: and i know dirk struggled with

DAVE: you know

DAVE: the idea that he could eventually become that kind of person

DAVE: or even worse that he was somehow cosmically fated to become that person no matter what he wanted or did to prevent it

DAVE: thats prolly how he managed to off himself in the first place considering how the mechanics of god tier works

DAVE: maybe hed been struggling with that the whole time weve been here on earth c

DAVE: who knows with him

DAVE: he was always so inside his own head i cant even imagine what insane train of thought led him to decide that this was his only option

DAVE: but i dont think hed want us beating ourselves up about it

DAVE: or torturing ourselves trying to figure out what it fucking meant

DAVE: esp jake jane and roxy

DAVE: he loved you guys and wouldnt do anything to hurt you

DAVE: well not intentionally i mean

DAVE: anyway all that shit about my bro

DAVE: im over that

DAVE: like as much as you can get over it

DAVE: theres a subconscious response to certain stimuli you cant exactly rewire

DAVE: but the conscious part of my brain is all like

DAVE: shit dude

DAVE: i feel great

DAVE: wtf is hypervigilance??

DAVE: i love being alive and having all these friends who care about me and dont beat the shit out of me every day of my life

DAVE: etc

DAVE: and part of thats cause i got to be friends with dirk

DAVE: it was great getting to know this rad version of my childhood guardian who wasnt completely batshit insane

DAVE: and like just chill with him

DAVE: shoot the shit and freestyle or debate dumb crap without it being a federal fucking issue

DAVE: and more than that he treated me like i was on the level with him

DAVE: he let me give him shit for being a pretentious blowhard every day of his life

DAVE: which i did

DAVE: but despite that i

DAVE: i looked up to him

DAVE: the way i always felt like i should have been looking up to my bro

DAVE: the way i WANTED to look up to my bro but couldnt

DAVE: dirk taught me so much shit i didnt know i needed from him

DAVE: i mean picking up dirks opinions was unavoidable if you ever hung out with him considering he never shut his fucking mouth

DAVE: but im glad he didnt

DAVE: he taught me about combat

DAVE: philosophy

DAVE: life

DAVE: and im sure had he not killed himself the literal day i was finally gonna ask him romantic advice

DAVE: he wouldve taught me about love too

DAVE: so in the end

DAVE: i really got no idea how the fuck im supposed to feel right now

DAVE: but thats probably ok right

DAVE: like its ok

DAVE: to not know how to feel when someone dies

DAVE: its ok to not have all the answers

DAVE: i wish dirk were still alive so i could tell him that

DAVE: but hes not

DAVE: so

DAVE: i guess thats all i got to say about that

ROXY: anyone else have a eulogy theyd like to give

ROXY: i think the best way we can honor dirks memory at this point

ROXY: is to spew an untold number of words into the void

ROXY: as many as we fuckin can

GAMZEE: WhAt’S uP oN tHiS mOsT rIgHtEoUs AnD fRoWnY Of DaYs My BiTcHeS. :’o(

KARKAT: OH MY GOD

KARKAT: NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY, GAMZEE.

GAMZEE: HaHaHaHa YoU sTiLl GoT iT bRoThEr.

GAMZEE: mY mOtHeRfUcKeR oF cOmEdY’s In ThA pRaYbLoCk! ThAt MiRtHfUl NoIsE yOu HoLlEr StIlL sLaPs My MaNg.

KARKAT: IT’S NOT A FUCKING JOKE.

GAMZEE: NiNjAs AnD gEnTlEhOeS!

GAMZEE: We GaThEr Up At ThIs ShRiNe Of WoRsHiP tO wHaTeVeR fAlSe IdOlS oR mEsSiAhS tHeSe HoMiEs GeT tHeIr DeVoTiOn On FoR.

GAMZEE: BuT tHaT’s Ok, BeCaUsE wE’rE mOtHeRfUcKiN uNiFiEd ToDaY, nO mAtTeR wHaT oUr BaD aNd DiFfErEnT bElIeFs SaY aT uS tO oUr PiEtY pAnS.

GAMZEE: We CoMe In CeLeBrAtIoN oF tHe LiFe! :o)

GAMZEE: aNd DeAtH. :o(

GAMZEE: Of ThE oNe AnD oNlY, a TrUlY cHoIcE pIeCe Of MaN-bItCh WhAt WhOm I hArDlY eVeR kNeW:

GAMZEE: tHe DiRkStEr.

KARKAT: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

GAMZEE: ThEn, YoU mIgHt Be Up AnD wOnDeRiNg, WhAt PlAcE hAvE i GoT aLl OrAtInG oN tHe SuBjEcT oF tHe LeGeNd Of ThIs FiNe FeLlOw?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s A gOoD qUeStIoN mY mIrThFuL bRoThErS.

GAMZEE: i MaY nOt Be AlL uP aNd LeArNeD aBoUt HiS lIfE, bUt I’vE gOt DeEp SpIrItAl CoNnEcTiOnS tO hIs DeAtH.

GAMZEE: It JuSt So HaPpEnEd ThAt FaTe BrOuGhT mE tO hIs DoOrStEp On ThE vErY dAy ThAt He WeNt AnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChOkEd It OfF aT tHe NeCk.

GAMZEE: oNe Of ThE mOsT sPiRiTuAlLy AwAkEnInG mOmEnTs In My LiFe...

GAMZEE: In SuCh A sHoRt TiMe He TaUgHt Me So MuCh.

GAMZEE: ThIs WaS nO cOiNcIdEnCe. It WaS a HiGhEr PoWeR gUiDiNg My PaTh.

GAMZEE: tHeSe PoWeRs MaDe SuRe ThAt I wOuLd Be ThErE, tO rEcEiVe A gReAt WaRrIoR’s FiNaL mEsSaGe, AnD rElAy It To YoU oN tHiS dArK aNd DrEaRy DaY oF dEaTh.

GAMZEE: HoNk!

GAMZEE: AwWw, ShIzZ. i GuEsS i’Ve GoT tO uP aNd WiNg It!

GAMZEE: YoU eVeR wAkE uP aNd SiT dOwN tO dRoP a FaT oNe In ThE lOaD gApEr, BuT yOuR fLeSh BoDy JuSt AiN’t ReAdY tO gO aNd DoOk It OuT yEt?

GAMZEE: tHaT’s WhAt LiFe WaS lIkE fOr ThE d-MaN.

GAMZEE: A mAn BoRn WiTh A pUrPoSe. A pLaN.

GAMZEE: bUt ThE wIcKeD wAyS oF tHiS wOrLd StOlE tHaT aWaY fRoM hIm...

ROXY: WOW WASNT THAT GREAT FOLKS!

ROXY: WOW JUST WOW I KNEW THIS GUY WOULDNT LET US DOWN

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

ROXY: ANYTHING MORE WOULD ONLY DAMPEN THIS PERFECT MEMORY HE GAVE US!

ROXY: TAKE A BOW GAMZEE AND THEN OH YEAH THE EXITS THAT WAY!

GAMZEE: hOoOoOoOoOnK.

ROXY: (hey dude can u get up there and say somethin as like...)

ROXY: (a palate cleanser?)

JAKE: Gulp! Uh...

ROXY: (he was your best bro! come on man surely u got somethin in ur heart to say)

JAKE: Oh... Okay.

ROXY: hay everybody its jakes turn!

ROXY: hes got a few words hed like to say about our dear departed buddy

JOHN: (oh for fuck’s sake.)

JOHN: uhh, hi guys!

DAVE: hey

KARKAT: I SEE THAT EVEN YOU COULDN’T BEAR GAMZEE’S ASININE, BRUTAL AND 100% NONCONSENSUAL ASSAULT ON YOUR LISTEN CRATERS, AND ALSO THE BASIC DECENCY WHICH SAPIENT BEINGS APPARENTLY OWE TO ONE ANOTHER ON THIS PLANET.

JOHN: no, um, actually i listened to the entire thing.

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

JOHN: i was just worried... because you didn’t come back.

JOHN: dave, are you ok?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: well no

DAVE: but its ok to not be ok about this specific thing i think

DAVE: so for once i think im having like

DAVE: a totally unironically normal emotional reaction to a thing

DAVE: which loops around back to being ok

DAVE: in fact im probs the okayest ive ever been objectively

JOHN: are you SURE?

KARKAT: THAT WAS HALF A HUNDRED WORDS TO EXPRESS A THREE LETTER SENTIMENT.

KARKAT: I’D SAY HE’S DOING FINE.

JOHN: hmm.

JOHN: because i was thinking...

JOHN: do you... want me to go back?

DAVE: go

DAVE: back??

JOHN: with my retcon powers.

JOHN: i could go back and stop him.

DAVE: dude

KARKAT: JOHN!

JOHN: what!

KARKAT: DO YOU NOT HAVE AN INCH OF GODDAMN SENSE IN THAT THICK FUCKING SKULL OF YOURS?

JOHN: what!!!

DAVE: john

DAVE: come on what are my powers

JOHN: ummm... time travel?

DAVE: so you dont think i wouldve already done that if i thought it was a good idea

JOHN: well ok yeah, obviously.

JOHN: but if you DID do it we wouldn’t even know right now because it would’ve just made a new timeline where dirk didn’t kill himself. that’s how time travel works, right?

DAVE: ehhh well actually

JOHN: but!

JOHN: if i retcon it...

JOHN: then it’s like it never even happened!

JOHN: we wouldn’t have had this horrible funeral at all.

DAVE: i dunno dude thats

DAVE: a little fucked up actually

JOHN: you think so?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy

DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did

DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision

DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

JOHN: huh. i... didn’t think about it that way.

JADE: dave!!! roxys wondering where you are

DAVE: oh yeah be right there

JADE: what about you karkat? you coming??

KARKAT: YES! GOD!

KARKAT: CAN’T A MAN STAND ON A MOIST AND DREARY PIECE OF RELIGIOUS PROPERTY TO HELP CONSOLE HIS MAIN BRO?!

KARKAT: JESUS FUCK, GOD FORBID WE UPSET THE CAREFULLY ORCHESTRATED FUNERAL PROGRAMMING WHICH JUST FEATURED A SEGMENT WHEREIN A DEEPLY UNPOPULAR CLOWN PISSED HIMSELF IN FRONT OF THE CLAMORING PAPARAZZI!

JADE: oh lord... you dumb baby

JADE: karkat it looks to ME like youre the one third wheeling dave and johns poignant brotimes

JADE: so why dont you get your butt on over here???

KARKAT: ARGH... FINE!

DAVE: john

DAVE: i get what you were trying to do

DAVE: but

DAVE: its ok dude

DAVE: im ok

JOHN: that’s weird...

JOHN: it was working just the other day.

ROXY: lmao john its just me

ROXY: doin ok up there b?

JOHN: i’m fine!!!

JOHN: wait. b?

ROXY: yea like short for babe

ROXY: cuz ur my babe b

JOHN: oh, haha. right.

ROXY: is dave ok?

JOHN: yeah, i guess.

JOHN: ...

JOHN: are YOU okay?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: yea

ROXY: actually

ROXY: im more than ok

ROXY: cause ive been thinking

JOHN: oh?

ROXY: about you n me

ROXY: and this

ROXY: hey john

ROXY: we should get hitched

JOHN: ummmmmm...

JOHN: um...

JOHN: ...what???

ROXY: um what WHAT?

ROXY: john cmon

ROXY: marry me

JOHN: like...

JOHN: right NOW?

ROXY: lmao totes

ROXY: were already at the church n everything

JOHN: o-oh my god.

JOHN: oh my god!

ROXY: john

JOHN: oh my god, are you serious??

ROXY: no LOL

ROXY: john u take everything so literally

ROXY: its fuckin adorbs

JOHN: is that... why you want to marry me?

ROXY: yea

ROXY: im off the charts with all my jokes n shit

ROXY: and i gotta even all that out

ROXY: with this like HUGE helping of clueless nerd :)

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: ok but lets be serious here moment

ROXY: i actually do love that youre so earnest

ROXY: its cute as fuck and also

ROXY: i always know where i stand with you

JOHN: roxy...

ROXY: sides this whole

ROXY: THING with dirk

ROXY: its made me realize that even though were immortal

ROXY: were not necessarily gonna live forever

ROXY: lifes too short not to spend every moment with the one u love

JOHN: you...

JOHN: LOVE me??

ROXY: yea john i love you

ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you

JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um.

JOHN: that’s a LOT.

ROXY: well you dont gotta answer rn

ROXY: just know its on the table

JOHN: i...

JOHN: i...

JOHN: ok.

JOHN: ok, let’s... let’s do it!

ROXY: ooo u want to do it??

JOHN: yeah!

JOHN: er... i mean...

JOHN: um, yeah. that too.

JOHN: but i meant...

JOHN: about the getting married thing.

JOHN: let’s... do that!

JOHN: let’s totally get married!!

ROXY: omg

ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

[faunsoda]

sbi ib au w wilbur as mary is a concept i cannot stop thinking abt, like i haven’t touched ib in years and i was more into smaller dynamics in sbi than sbi as a whole, but it makes me so insane. you’re a genius and i adore that au concept. techno as gary is also so much fun, i rlly liked the whole thing. also the art was SO nice, your style is very neat. if you have any more thoughts abt the au as a whole i’d love to hear them, but if not, just know i love the concept so much

WOOO i hear u, my favorite dynamics within sbi are crimeboys and bedrock bros (it really shows in this au) because i am a huge sucker for sibling dynamics. the remake for ib came out for switch recently so the childhood hyperfixation reawakened like a beast

i have so many thoughts in my brain let me drop these bad boys. infodump time.

my idea of a first meeting between techno and tommy! rather than having his rose stolen like garrys, its tommy stumbling in on techno getting cornered by one of the lady paintings. techno probably wouldve gotten out just fine eventually, maybe lost a few petals but tommy distracts the painting so he can escape unharmed! then theyre like 🤝 team up time

please ignore the shitty ooc dialogue everywhere ive just been getting ideas jotted down in my free time hehe. i imagine the dynamic between techno and wilbur in this au being pretty tense! techno is IMMEDIATELY suspicious/wary of wilbur & wilbur wants to leave with tommy, taking technos place. techno doesnt wanna be too protective of tommy because a) this is some kid he just met what does he care b) he doesnt really have any reason to be suspicious about wilbur because hes done literally nothing wrong so far hes just off so techno doesnt trust him

also philza as guertena means he doesnt show up like at all BUT i really liked the theory from a few years ago that part of marys dislike for garry stemmed from garry resembling guertena and her feeling like she’d been abandoned since i cant really imagine she can grasp the complete concept and weight of death. so i did have techno resemble philza a bit here (eg. emerald and stubble that i keep forgetting to draw-) which will probably be unmentioned in stuff i draw for this au because again philza wont show up much. so yeah ooh possible idea that wilbur might resent techno for that a little bit or just be like kind of annoyed by it. idk man im just sitting here.

i also did the three main endings! promise of reunion and together forever were kinda quick because i did not have time to properly draw and color them :,] but i found a neat brush and wanted to draw the forgotten portrait painting because ow. in my original drawings of this au tommy didnt have a green bandana but i decided to give him one as a stand in for the hankerchief ib carries! after all this ill probably do some redraws of moments from the game or try to reimagine the toy box since wilbur is notably not a child like mary is!

yeah hey that was probably like way more information about this au than anyone couldve wanted but B] if you have any thoughts about this au that differ from mine or if you just have thoughts in general id love to hear em! my brain is rotting. thanks for coming to my ted talk (and thank you for the ask, i am new to tumblr so this is my first ask yippee!!)

[parrishh]

i still have lots of questions after reading greywaren right when it came out and i thought i could ask you... if youre not interested then just ignore me! i feel kinda dumb for not getting a few things

what was the sweetmetal maggie referred to? the one which was supposedly also in trc books?

why do ronan and declan look alike if ronan wasnt born the normal way? whatever created him certainly didnt care about how declan looked, right?

has ronan known that he is more than human? idk i kinda had the impression that he def didnt know about himself. he knew he was a dreamer, he obviously knew niall was is dad, so when and how did he learn about himself? thats what i completely missed somehow lol and how did adam get that too? when they were in the dream space?

what actually was the lace?

why did ronan have the nightwash? did it stop now after he knew what he was and saved the earth and all that? was it because he was too powerful and so he needed to be close to the power source aka ley line? and now he can be "free" bc he knows what he is and he chose to be human basically or more human with powers or such?

sorry i am still confused lol if you could help a dumb bitch out i would be very happy!!! some of these might be obvious but i really didnt get it. thanks so much <3

hiiii sorry for the late response. i haven't been around much. i can take a crack at these but i definitely don't know the answer to all of them LOL

no idea. i doubt she'll ever tell us

mór, niall, and the forest all created ronan together. his appearance was mór's contribution - it says she modeled him after a photo she had seen of niall as a toddler

i could be forgetting something but i don't think this is entirely clear in the book, i.e. i don't think there's any sort of inciting incident like ronan didn't know what he was and then this one specific thing happened and now he does. i think it was more of a gradual realization that came to him little by little during his time in the dream space. my understanding is that - being an ancient, all-knowing entity - he probably always had the capacity to "unlock" this knowledge but he had been pushing it down all his life because he wasn't ready to come to terms with it. his journey of self-acceptance in this trilogy culminates in him discovering who he is because he finally loves himself enough to handle the revelation. as for adam, i'm sure he understands that ronan is Something More because he's smart and because of their interactions in the dream space, but i don't think he knows exactly what that "something more" is. it probably has to be explained to him in detail off-page after the events of the book

i feel as though the lace is to hennessy as bryde is to ronan, i.e. a manifestation of all of her most negative thoughts and feelings. that's why it physically resembles the shadows from her most painful childhood memory. her suffering is so profound that this manifestation grows powerful enough to sustain itself in the dream space and affect other dreamers. i may be completely wrong but that's my understanding

nightwash doesn't only affect ronan - we know it happens to other dreamers, too, because hennessy also gets it when she doesn't dream. i think even after the events of this book, ronan would still get nightwash if he stopped pulling things out of his dreams. dreamers can't ignore what they are. he's "free" now in the sense that he accepts who he is; no more nightwash not because it doesn't exist anymore, but because he always allows himself to dream freely