#and i didnt even mention wolfstar

[greencatalystcomet]

trans femme sirius black headcanon

heir to the house of black only because sirius is a boy, but sirius isnt a boy, shes a girl, and not only does she disagree with everything her family stands for, she doesnt feel like she can be the heir because shes not a man. and she would never tell her family that she feels that way because she knows what they would do to her, but her mother walks in on her experimenting with makeup, and what can sirius possibly say? how can she smooth this over? it doesnt matter, because walburga black is a skilled legilimens and discovers exactly how sirius feels about herself. walburga does her best to torture these unacceptable and unnatural feelings out of her child, but of course it doesnt work. and this is sirius' breaking point, because this was the moment she realized she couldnt live the rest of her life as a boy, but she couldnt remain a member of this family as a girl, either. so she runs away to her best friends house, and james and his parents take her in without question. and several months later, when she tells her new family that shes a girl, not a boy, they accept her without question in a way that her old family never would have dreamed of doing

[itsss4t4n]

Safe with You - Regulus Black x potter! reader

a/n: THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT. (6558 words)

warnings: mention of abuse, smoking, hurt/comfort, kissing, background wolfstar and (barely mentioned) rosekiller

You didnt remember a time where Regulus Black didnt hate you.

Being James Potters younger sibling, most of his friends were also yours, so when sirius started talking about how much he hates his family , including Regulus you didnt question it much, but you never really had anything against him personally.

But it didnt help that, from the beginning of yours and Regulus first year he was pretty much a dickhead. He made it a point to be better than everyone and to tell them so. 

That started a rivalry between the both of you. Battleing for top of the class. 

All of this only got worse when, in the middle of the winter holidays in your 5th year, Sirius appeared at your doorstep, bleeding and asking for help.

After that point Regulus made sure to show you how much he hated you even more.

You just assumed that he hated you because of your family. Blood-traitors. 

In the beginning of your 6th year you had started to sneak away onto the astronomy  tower a lot of nights. 

It was nice up here. Quiet. You found solitude from the stressful schoolday and your Brother and his friends. You loved them, of course. But it was a lot of pressure. Most people just saw you as James sibling. And they expected you to be like him. It was honestly really exhausting.

Your parents didnt help a lot either. As much as they said they loved you equally, you always felt like James and now Sirius were more important to them. You were just the perfect little sibling. You were quiet and you had good grades so they didnt need to worry much about you. You felt neglected. But you also understood them. James didnt try as much in school, concentraiting more on pranks than homework and Sirius obviously had a lot to deal with because of his past.

So you snuck away when everyone was sleeping. In your pyjamas and a jacket you quiely left the common room and went to he astronomy tower. 

When you arrived you didnt pay much attention to your surroundings and so you didnt notice the other person that was sitting against the outside wall of the tower. You had already pulled out the pack of cigarettes that you had nicked from Sirius a week prior and were beginning to light it when you stepped against the railing. 

Taking a drag and pulling the cigarette away from your mouth you finally heard shuffling behind you. You quickly turn your head, scared that you're gonna find a prefect, or worse, Filch behind you. But instead you see a boy sitting a few meters away from you, his back to the wall of the tower, his dark hair covering his face. 

"Sorry i didnt realize someone was here." 

He finally looks up at you and you finally see his face.

"Black? The fuck are you doing here?" Your voice is a mix of confusion and annoyance at he fact that your solitide was disturbed by him of all people.

"I could ask you he same thing Potter." His voice was quiet and annoyed. Like he didnt want to deal with this right now. He sounded exhausted.

And at a second glance he looked it too. He had dark bags under his eyes and if you looked closely you could see a bruise at the side of his face. You didnt remember seeing it earlier during potions class but maybe he had covered it with magic. 

You had the urge to comment on it but remembered all the things thatt sirius would tell you about his parents and you had a feeling it had something to do with that. And that was a topic that you were sure wouldnt end well.

So you settled on "You look like shit."

He didnt answer and only looked at you even more annoyed. 

Shrugging, you simply looked away from him and lifted your cigarette back to your lips.

Regulus didnt move from his spot, so you assumed that he didnt care much that you were there.

You didnt feel like standing any longer, so you sat against the same wall regulus was sat against, now only a meter between the two of you. afer a few seconds you held out the pack of cigarettes to him .

"want one?" 

He took one without a word and you handed him your lighter when he put it beween his lips.

After that the two of you sat in silence looking at the nightsky. After almost 30 minutes of sitting in silence, you slowly moved to stand up.

"Well... I better go to bed. goodnight Black." 

You had only taken a step or two when Regulus spoke up for the first time since you got there.

"If you tell anyone i was here, you're dead potter."

You turn to him with a small smile.

"I wont. If i did i would have to tell them that i was here."

With that you left, leaving regulus confused on why you wouldnt want anyone knowing you were there. He left shortly after you did.

That night started a routine of you going up to the tower to find regulus either already there or arriving a few minutes later. You would sit in silence together, smoking a cigarette or two, before leaving again. Neither of you ever talked much.

During the day both of you acted like you always did. Like you werent sitting next to each other in almost friendly silence a few hours prior.

You never told your brother or any of your friends about it.

At some point you had started to talk to him instead of just sitting in silence. Not much. And certainly not anything of sustance. Mostly just complaining about professors and homework. But he never complained about it. He never said anything to be honest. He just sat and listened in silence. This continued almost every night unil the winter holidays.

You were standing on platform 9 3/4 with your family and Sirius, saying goodbye to your parents when you noticed Sirius glaring at something past your head. Turning around you see Regulus and his parents. Regulus looked even more exhausted than usual and even from the distance you could see him tensing up as his father put his hand on Regulus shoulder.

Something had happened over the holydays, you could tell.

James voice ripped you out of your thoughts. "Hey what are you two staring at?"

"Nothing." 

You answer immediately, turning back around and hugging your parents one last time. 

"Come on or we'll miss the train." 

That night during dinner you kept catching yourself looking at Regulus. Each time you seemed to notice a new reason to worry.

First how tense he seemed, then his eyebags, worse than you've ever seen them, how he fully ignored all his friends, how he made sure that his hair was alwas covering his left cheekbone and temple, how he seemed to constantly have a hand holding his ribs.

At one point you cought his eyes, giving him the slightest smile, hoping no one else caught it. 

You mouthed 'astronomy tower' hoping that he saw it, before turning back to your friends to answer the question that Marlene had just asked.

That night when you arrived at the tower Regulus was already there, sitting with his back against the wall and his head down, just like he first time you met him there. 

But this time when you sat next to him and he looked up at you, you could see the tears in his eyes threatening to fall. Without a word you pulled him into a hug, his head laying against your shoulder, and just held him as his tears finally spilled.

He didnt make a sound, he just silently let his tears fall. And you held him through it.

It took him about 20 minutes before he pulled away from you. He didn dare look into your face, just sitting right next to you staring at the stars.

After a minute or so of you observing his face you finally asked softly.

"What happened?"  

He didnt say anything for a few seconds. He didnt react at all. You thought maybe he didnt hear you but right as you opened you mouth to ask again, he finally answered.

"How much has Sirius told you about our family?" His voice was quiet and broken.

"A lot. He's told us pretty much anything they would do to him." 

He took a deep breath before he talked again, still refusing to look at you.

"When he was still there, they never really did anything to me. But when he left..." He swallowed "they needed someone else to blame all their problems on. They started to find faults in me. I pretty much became Sirius replacement. When they were angry they let it out on me. The night he left was the worst. I had begged him too stay. But he didnt. He just left me there. And they let all their anger about the situation out on me."

 His voice was shaky and quiet. He sounded unsure if he should be telling you this.

You honestly were surprised that he told you this. Even if you had been "hanging out" for almost half a year now. You didnt think he trusted you like this. And he proboaly didnt.

"Regulus.." His name left your mouth in a whisper. You had never called him by his first name before. 

Hearing his name out of your mouth finally made him look at you.

You slowly grabbed his hand, squeezing it. "I'm so sorry.." 

His gaze drifted from you face to your now joined hands. You expected him to pull his hand away but he just looked away at the stars again.

Neither of you said anything else.

That night was a turning point for both of you.

You stopped being hateful to each other in public. You werent friendly either. It was a silent truce. Your rivalry for top of the class was still there but it was less hateful.

Your nightly meetings slowly turned into talking about feelings. He told you about his friends, the few that were actually decent. Evan Rosier, Barty Crouch jr and Pandora Lestrange. Those were the three that actually semed pretty nice. According to Regulus they didnt really care that much about blood  status, Regulus didnt either. He had learned a lot from Sirius perspective, he was just way more scared of their parents, so he hid his opinions. 

You told him about your family problems, even though they were miniscule in comparison. About how you always felt like you stood in james shadow. 

Over time you and Regulus had come to a point were you honestly considered each other friends.

You still didnt tell any of your friends or you brother about it. You knew they wouldnt take it well.

But all of them noticed a change in you. How you seemed happier.

"Are you dating someone?" 

You nearly choked on your food, when Marlene asked that all of the sudden during dinner. 

"What?!" All conversation between your friends had halted as they all looked at you expectantly. "No! Why would you think that?" 

James looked stupidly relieved at that. He never liked the thought of you dating someone. 

It was Sirius that answered your question.

"Oh, c'mon. Even a blind person can see that you act different." You just looked at him confused. so he clarified. "You are so much happier, you constantly smile at nothing, you zone out. You're either dating someone or you have a big fat crush on someone. So go on. Spill." 

Your eyes widen in shock. Had you really been that obvious? Yes ,during the past few months you may have developed a little cush on the younger Black. But c'mon that obvious? 

But obviously you couldnt tell your friends that. Especially not Sirius and James. They would die of a heart attack on the spot.

"Do you really think if i had a crush on someone i wouldnt tell any of you? Not even Marlene or Lilly?" That was a good safe. Because yes, you usually told the girl pretty much every detail of your life. Even when you had a crush on Remus back in 4th year before you knew that he was gay. And very much in love with Sirius.

Sirius deflated on that. "Yea.. i guess that is true."

They finally picked up their previous conversations and you stole a quick glance at the slytherin table. But instead of Regulus eyes you met those of Evan Rosier. 

He had his eyes already on you and winked at you with a sly grin when our eyes met. Next to him Regulus had noticed that exchange and hit Evan in the side with his elbow. You looked at them confused as Regulus angrily whispered something to Evan who just laughed in reply.

Had Regulus told them? You made a mental note to ask him that night.

When your eyes finally went back to your friends you met Remus eyes who just lifted one eyebrow and smiled knowingly at you. 

You ignored him and went back to eating.

Later that evening you were sat in the common room doing potions homework when Remus excused himself from the boys to walk over to you. You looked up at him for a second as he sat down next to you before going back to writing. 

"You know, at some point they're gonna find out." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about Rem." He couldnt know. Right?

"Yea you do. You know, you're lucky that i'm the one that keeps the map most nights."

At that you froze. Your quill a few centimeters over your parchment. 

The map. 

Shit.

How did you forget about that.

Remus noticed your stressed facial expression. 

"They dont know. I havent told them dont worry. " You relaxed a little at that. "But you know its only a matter of time before one of them finds out."

You let out a breath that you didnt realize you were holding before putting down your quill, frowning at the spot of ink on you parchment, that had dripped from the quil. 

"How long have you known?" 

"Right before The holidays." 

"Rem that is so long! Why didnt you tell me that you know?!" You whisper yelled to make sure none of the other boys heard you.

"I wanted you to tell me when you were ready."

Your face softens. Of course. You dont answer.

"Sooooooo... you want to talk about it? He sure has you happy so he clearly cant be that bad." He says with a smile.

"You have no idea." You grin.

That conversation led to an almost 1 hour long talk of you talking about Regulus. How nice he is. How attractive, because god did you find him attractive. You told him about Regulus friends. How you think that at least Evan knows. Why Regulus is actually mad at Sirius. Everything. Because you knew that Remus wouldnt tell anyone. He has always been good at keeping secrets.

"You are so whipped for him, oh my god.." He told you at the end of your rant with a small chuckle.

You felt your face get hot. "Oh fuck off. Like you arent evenly as whipped for Sirius."

"Oh low blow." You just stuck out your toungue at him in response.

Remus then got a little more serious again. "Are you gonna tell him that you like him?"

You bit the inside of your lip. "I dont know Rem. I dont think he likes me like that and i dont wanna destroy something good yk."

"Yea i know what you mean." He looks over at Sirius.

You change the topic slightly. "So, uhh.. take the map tonight?"

He looks back at you with a grin. "Yea i got it. I'm gonna go back to the others. You finish that homework before you leave tonight."

"Yea, yea, whatever."

That night your walk to the astronomy tower is interrupted.

"Oi Potter!" You stop and turn around in surprise to see a ginning Evan Rosier.

"Rosier? What do you want?" 

"Oh nothing really" He is a bad liar. "Where're you headed to after curfew?"

You narrow your eyes at him. "I dont see why that is any of your business."

He knows. And you know that.

"Alright fine. I know you're meeting with Reg." You sigh and turn back around to continue your walk to the tower.  Evan quickly follows you.

"Listen, Reg kinda let it slip that you guys have been meeting up." 

"Okay? That still doesnt answer why youre talking to me right now."

"Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot." He is grinning from ear too ear now. 

But its what he said that makes you pause in your steps for a second. 

"What?"

"Oh yea, boy is smitten." He grins but immediately notices his mistake and his smile drops. "No wait. Forget i said that. You didnt hear anything okay?"

Your face is flushed now. Did Evan just tell you that Regulus likes you? Like... Like liked you?

"Uhm- Right."

"But just hypothetically... if you did hear something.... Would that something be reciprocated or not? Because if it was i wouldnt feel so bad for you hypothetically hearing something."

You dont even know what to say to that. You really didnt want to tell Evan about your crush on Regulus. Sure he trusts Evan but you really didnt know the guy.

"None of your business Rosier." You start walking again, while Evan just stays were he is. 

"Im taking that as a yes. Dont tell Reg that i hypothetically told you that. Im not ready to die yet." 

"Whatever Rosier!"

Your thoughts are racing. Regulus likes you. Except Evan is just trying to mess with you. But that doesnt seem like something he would do. Atleast not from what Regulus told you.

You are so in thought that you almost dont notice Regulus waiting when you reach the top of the tower.

You only snap out of it when you hear him call your name. 

"You good?"

"Hm? Oh yea. Sorry, just thinking." You sit down next to him, like always and pull out your pack of cigarettes. You kept stealing them from Sirius and he kept wondering how they keep dissappearing.

"About?" 

"Rosier just talked to me." You werent gonna tell him about the hypothetical thing Evan told you. But you were definetely gonna talk to him about the fact that Evan knew.

"Evan? Why?" He reached over, pulling a cigarette out of your pack without asking.

"He knows?" Was all you answered as you pull your lighter out of your jacket.

Regulus laughed nervously. "Uh- yea, i mightve slipped up on that. Sorry. I swear he wont tell anyone." 

"Its fine, you can tell your friends as long as they keep it to themselfs." You lift your lighter to light your own cigarette, when Regulus suddenly leans into your space to light his cigarette at the same time as yours. His face only centimeters away from yours. 

You flush. Fuck that was hot. He leans back with a slight grin. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.

"Any of your friends know?" He asks as if he didnt just do that. Fucker.

"Well.. Remus knows. I didnt tell him. He figured it out on his own." You stammer out. 

Goddamn it. 

"Lupin? Makes sense. Hes smart. He knows everything." 

"Yea except for the fact that Sirius is painfully obvious in love with him. Thats the one thing he doesnt seem to notice."

"Wait what?" He seems confused. Shit. Did you just out Sirius to his brother? You thought he knew.

"Did- Did you not know Sirius is gay?"

"No, that much is obvious." Oh thank god. "I meant, Those two arent a couple?"

That makes you laugh. 

"No! They've been in love with each other for years but are the only ones that havent realized it yet."

Regulus is both surprised and amused by that information.

"They had me fooled. I thought they've been together for forever." He's barely holding back his laughter.

"Nope just incedibly dense. Both of them." 

Neither of you can stop the laughter at that point.

You think that this might be the most genuine laughter and smile you've ever seen from Regulus. 

Your laughter dies down a little as you look at him. His head thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open in a bright grin as he laughs. He looks beautiful.

You just stare for a few seconds, with a soft smile on your face.

He stops laughing and notices your staring.

"What?" He asks, smile still on his face.

"You're Beautiful." You answer without thinking about it.

When you see his pale face flush a light pink shade in surprise you realize what you just said and look away in embarrassment.

"I- Uh- I mean.." Fuckfuckfuck. Why did you just say that. Its true yea, but still. Oh my god. You are such an idiot.

"So are you." Those three words are all it takes for your rambling thoughts to dissapper fully. 

Brain empty.

You look back at him. His face is still a little pink but he has a little smile adorning his lips.

You dont know what to answer so you just stare in silence. Evans words from earlier come back to your mind.

Well our Reggie seems pretty over the moon with you ,so i wanted to see for myself. He likes you you know. Like a lot.

FUCK. You are a goner at this point.

Luckily for you Regulus seems to notice your inner turmoil and changes the conversation to something easier without a second thought.

"So, did you finish that potions homework yet?"

You are honestly thankful thatt he is just able to do that. Make you think about something else.

But for the rest of the night, hell for the rest of the week all you can think about is that moment.

The next day all your friends can tell that you are even more in thought than usual but they know better than to press on it.

Except for Remus. Between classes he pulls you aside to ask what happened. You tell him everything. 

From Evans slip up to Regulus calling you beautiful.

"Thats great! To me thats a clear sign that he likes you too." 

"But Rem what if i'm misinterpreting?!"

"You literally have confirmation from his best friend."

You dont have more time to talk about it because both of you have to get to your next classes.

But you keep thinking about the whole thing.

You could tell that something had changed between Regulus and you. Not in a bad way, you dont think.

You caught him looking at you more often. During meals, during class, during your meetings. You noticed because you were also looking at him more often. 

Eye contact for a few seconds to long and smiling before one of you would look away.

This went on for about two weeks. How often had you thought about kissing him during those two weeks? You had lost count. 

Then one night, Regulus had just made a joke that you had both laughed at for far to long, and when you finally stopped you realized how close you faces had gotten. 

Regulus had noticed too.

You were staring at each other, you eyes flicking from his eyes to his lips and back up. Your tongue darting out to wet your lips in a nervous tick as you caught his eyes looking at your lips too.

You subconciously moved even closer, noses now centimeters away from brushing against each other.

Regulus is the one that asks in almost a whisper "Can I kiss you?"

You cant get any words out so you simply nod your head ever so slightly.

Regulus leans towards you, closing the gap between you in a soft kiss. 

Its not heated, not rushed, its slow, soft and full with emotions.

Its perfect.

When you part, neither of want to fully pull back. Your noses still almost touching.

After a few second you gain your voice back and admit in a whisper.

"I really like you Regulus"

"Merlin I would hope so." He answers with chuckle. "I like you too."

You lean in to kiss him again. 

And again.

The rest of that night included a lot more kisses. As well as a talk about what you you were to each other. You were glad about that. Not knowing would have killed you probably.

You both came to the conclusion that you wouldnt be telling people (Except the ones that you trusted) but that you are in fact dating.

You wished that you could stay like that all night but unfortunately both of you needed sleep.

"Goodnight Reg" 

You kissed him one more time before starting to walk away, his hand in yours as long  as you could.

"Goodnight mon cherie." You smiled to yourself all the way back to your dorm.

The next morning Remus knew. He just knew it from one look at you. You were honestly so glad that he knew and you were able to tell him everything.

The last few months until summer went well. Hang outs, kisses and talking. Regulus also at some point properly introduced you to Evan. Honestly the two of you hit it of really well. 

The closer summer got, the more nervous both you and Regulus got. 

He would have to go back to his parents and you wouldnt be able to write each other without his parents asking questions.

You spent the last night before summer in eachothers arms, telling him to be careful. You didnt want to part from each other but reluctantly did so right before sunrise with a long, loving kiss.

That morning both of you kept stealing glances at each other, Remus doing his best to ease your worries.

On the platform you barely had enough time to see Regulus dissappear with his parents.

"You coming?" You turned around at James question.

"Yeah."

The first half of the summer was pretty uneventful, even though you still worried about Regulus.

For the second half, Remus had joined your family.

A week later you were helping your mother prepare dinner when you heard a soft knock on your front door.

Confused you turned toward Euphemia.

"Are we expecting someone mum?"

"Not that i know of. Would you mind checking who it is darling?"

"Sure." You quickly put down the plate you were previously holding and went to answer the door.

On the other side was the last person you expected to see. 

"Reggie?" Your voice filled with worry and almost a whisper. 

Regulus looked bad. Almost worse than Sirius when he appeared at your doorsttep a year and a half prior. He was bleeding and bruised, and looked like he was minutes away from keeling over.

His eyes met yours, filled with tears that were steadily flowing down his cheeks.

"I didnt know were else to go..." His voice was hoarse like he had been screaming and shaky from crying.

Before he had even finished his sentence he had stepped towards you, nearly falling into your arms. You hugged him back while pulling him back into the house with you with a small "cmon..".

Inside you let go of him, carefully guiding him into the living room and onto your couch only stopping near the kitchen to yell to your mother.

"Mum! We need the healing kit!"

Your mother immediately stuck her head out the kitchen door to see what was going on.

"Oh dear." She quickly left to get the kit.

Meanwhile you had carefully sat Regulus onto your couch,sitting next to him and holding his hand, scared that hugging would hurt him. You didnt need to ask what had happened. That much was pretty obvious.

"Regulus." You urged him to look at you with a small squeeze of your hand. "Hey.. Its gonna be okay. Your safe now. I promise."

He didnt answer but layed his forehead onto your shoulder and squezed you hand back. He was still crying although not as hysterically anymore.

Euphemia entered the room, healing kit in hand and carefully sat infront of Regulus on the floor. You had done this before so she knew to be careful as not to scare him.

"Regulus right?" Her voice was soft and quiet as if she was talking to a scared animal. He didnt react so you nodded at your mother to confirm that she had the right name.

"Regulus, I'm gonna heal you now. But i have to touch you for that. Is that alright with you?"

Regulus nodded ever so slightly with his head still against your shoulder. Euphemia caught the slight movement and immediately started to examine the extent of his injuries before starting to heal them one by one. It would take a while and she wouldnt be able to heal all of them fully right that moment. It had been the same with Sirius.

You quietly soothed him through all of it. Continuing to hold his hand, your thumb stroking over the back of his hands while you whispered comforting words into his ear.

Unfortunately in the middle of all this our brother and Sirius had decided to make their entrance.

"Hey mum, is dinner almost ready?" James asked while he and Sirius came down the stairs.

But before Euhemia could answer you heard both boys exclaim at the same time.

"What the fuck??!"

"Regulus?!"

Both of you looked up at them at the same time. Regulus face still stained with tears and blood.

Sirius made his way over in a instant, sitting beside your mother and grasping Regulus other hand in his bigger ones. His eyes were filled with worry. Of course they were. Even if him and Regulus werent on good terms, he was still his brother. And seeing him like that made him fall back into that role within seconds.

"Shit, what happened?? Did they..??" He didnt finish his sentence. He didnt have to. Because he also knew. 

Regulus started tearing up again and turned his head towards you to try and hide it.

You instantly hugged him against you in comfort, your second hand reaching up to the back of his head to cradle it against the junction of your neck and shoulder.

"Sssh, its okay Reg." Your face pressed against the side of his head a told him that.

Your eyes met James over Regulus head. He just stood there perplexed. Not only was Regulus fucking Black bleeding in his living room, but he also cuddled up close to his sister like they were close.

You knew that you had a lot of explaining to do later, but right now you had different priorities.

So you ignored James and continued talking to Reglulus in a quite voice to help him calm down, occasionally pressing little kisses to his temple and hair.

When your mother was done, she slowly got up. "I'll leave you guys alone for a bit. If you need something just call." 

She left the room at the same time as Remus entered, having come down to see what was taking the boys so long.

Remus quickly hid his surprise at the fact that Regulus was here and simply asked "Is he okay?".

You simply looked at him and said "He will be."

After that you all sat in silence for a few minutes, only disruted by Regulus quiet sniffeles.

When he had finally calmed down again he still refused to let go of you.

Remus was the first to speak up. 

"I think he should take a shower, get all that blood of him. Prongs, Padfoot, wait in the kitchen well join you in a minute." 

Both boys started to protest but Remus wasnt having it and herded them to the kitchen looking back at you for a second.

" I got it Rem."

You helped Regulus up, guiding him to the bathroom.

Once you were there you closed the door behind you and turned towards Regulus.

He grabbed you by your hips and pulled you towards him. Being close to you always comforted him.

You reached up to carefully hold his face in your hands. 

"Are you okay?" Worry was evident in your eyes and voice.

"Now that im with you i will be." He answered quietly, leaning down to lay his forehead against yours, his eyes closed.

Your quiet moment was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hey." Remus. "Can i come in? I got you some clothes."

You pulled away from Regulus and opened the door, stepping aside slightly so Remus could hand Regulus the stack of dark clothing. 

"They're Sirius, so the should fit you." He then looked at you. "They have a lot of questions. You should come downsairs and talk to them."

You sigh. This was what you were scared of. "Okay, I'll be down is a few."

Remus nodded and sent one last smile at the two of you before leaving.

You turned towards Regulus again. "Do you need help with anything or are you good?" 

"I think im good" And then quieter. " Thank you. You dont understand how much all of this means to me." 

You smile at him and step closer to press a small kiss to his lips. "Of course. Im here for you. Always." Before leaving him to shower, closing the door behind you.

You take a deep breath before beginning your way to the kitchen. Halfway there you could already hear your brother.

"Why are you so calm about this Moony?! Did you know?!"

"Prongs will you calm down?"

"No-" 

All conversation halted when you entered the kitchen, all eyes turning to you.

James looked both confused and near furious and Sirius just looked confused. Like he wasnt sure what to make of the whole situation yet.

"Explain." Is all James said as he said down at the table and pointed at the chair across from him.

You said down and so did Sirius next to James, and Remus, next to you.

"After summer last year, I've started to go to the astronomy tower at night. Just for some peace and quiet, away from everything you know. 

One night he was there too. A few days after school start. He didnt really say anything. We just sat together. He didnt look good. Like, really tired and he had this giant bruise on his face. He had it hidden during the day, but that night i saw it. I didnt say anything about it, but i knew it was from his parents. 

After that night we just kept meeting there. We didnt talk, we really just sat in silence with each other. At some point i started to tell him about my day. He never said anything but he also kept coming."

You looked from James betrayed eyes down to your hands that layed intertwined with each other on the table.

"Then after christmas break, he looked so much worse than before. And that night he broke down. And he told me everything. About his parents. And how much worse the got after Sirius left." 

Your eyes flicked to Sirius face. Guilt written all over it.

"After that we just started talking to each other. About anything. He even introduced me to a few of his friends. They're honestlyy really nice. They dont support their parents ideas really. And a few months ago..."

You looked at Remus. His expression encouraging you to continue. 

Fuck it. Just rip of the bandaid.

"A few months ago we kissed and we've kinda been dating since then." Your eyes were glued to a little scratch in the surfice of the table. Refusing to meet James or Sirius glances.

"WHAT?!"

"Prongs. Calm down. I think they're good for each other. Its their life. Not yours." Thank merlin that Remus exists. You didnt know what you would do without him.

"How long have you known about is Moony?!"

Remus looked down for a second before meeting James eyes again. "Right before christmas."

James was about to answer something probably dumb, when Sirius suddenly turned towards you.

"I cant believe you wouldnt tell me you were in a relationship."

You chuckled nervously. "Thats the part that bothers you about this?"

"YES! And also I'm trying to focus on something that isnt the fact that your DATING MY LITLE BROTHER... so i dont freak out." You could tell that he was really trying.

"Im sorry i didnt tell you. I was just worried how you would react." You said apologetically.

"For good reason." Remus mumbled making you smile slightly.

James face softened. "Well.. as much as i dont agree with this. And i dont. For the record. Remus is right. Its your life. But if he tries to pull something you tell me alright? And ill take care of it."

"Oi thats my little brother your talking about!" That made you smile. At least they're trying. "But seriously, if he tries something you tell us." 

"He wont. But thank you." You smile at them. Remus laying his hand on your shoulder making you look over at him.

Then Sirius half joking, half serious voice makes you look at him again.

"But seriously my brother? Why? Out of everyone."

"Wow Sirius. I feel kind of attacked." At the sound of Regulus voice you quickly turn around.

He stood a meter behind your chair , black hair wet and tousled, his tall slim frame clad in a pair of black sweatpants and a black sabbath shirt. 

"Reg. How're you feeling?" Your voice was still filled with worry even though Regulus already looked a lot better. You held your hand out towards him, beconing him closer.

He took your hand, walking over to sit in the open chair to your left. Remus being on your right.

"Better." He said a soft smile on his face, as he just looked at you for a moment.

You smiled back at him before saying "I think we should get mum back and finish making dinner. You hungry?" 

"Starving." It sounded like a joke but honestly with his parents you could never know.

"Remus, make sure they're being civil okay?" You spoke as you got up, squeezing Regulus shoulder in passing. "I'll be right back."

Just as you left the room you could hear Sirius whine. "Moony we're always civil! I dont know what they mean."

"Yea yea Padfoot whatever you say." You could pracicaly hear the adoring smile in Remus voice.

Surprisingly when you came back with your mother, no one was dead. 

Your mother had pulled both you and James with her to help with the food, giving him the perfect oppertunity to keep asking you annoying questions about you and Regulus. 

Remus offered to set the table, giving Sirius and Regulus a chance to talk. Something they hadnt properly done in years. You didnt hear what they said but it ended in a hug so at least it was good.

Dinner was kind of awkward. Your Dad having to quickly be filled in on what happened when he arrived in the kitchen.

Regulus was given the guest room to sleep in, Remus had been sleeping in James and Sirius room anyways. So when you were sure he three boys were in bed you snuck into the guest room, cuddling up with Regulus under the blanket.

"I saw you speaking with Sirius earlier." He hummed in reply, his face hidden in your hair, his left arm around your waist, holding you close to him.

"Did you talk everything out?" You turn slightly in his hold so you could look a him. Your faces now right infront of each oher.

"Not everything. Thats gonna take a while. But he apologized. Its a start." His voice was low and tired.

" Thats good. I know how much you both missed each other." Again he simply hummed in response.

"I think we should sleep." You say with a grin. "You're barely awake anyway." Another hum.

You lean forward for a soft kiss. He kissed back. "Goodnight mon cherie."

You smile. "Sleep well Reggie." 

He cuddled back into you, his face against your neck, arms holding you close, legs tangled with yours.

You smile at his almost asleep form. 

He was okay. 

He was safe.

And he was yours.

And maybe. Just maybe. You would be okay.

[sitp-recs]

I wanted to ask a question... idk if you're straight, bi.... but I consider myself a lesbian and since I read HP books in the pandemic I became obsessed with them, then wolfstar then drarry. I love pansmione, ginsy and linny as well but they didnt hit the same (besides some specific fics) like drarry to me bc I love draco's background story so much. I love how they complete each other (two sides of the same coin / being used as pawns / relatable traumas etc). anyway I was thinking what do you think about lesbians reading mlm/gay men fiction? specially if some of them are explicit. I love them and fic got me through the pandemic as well but I feel guilty :( I read other types of books too (a lot of sapphic ones) but yeah I always come back to drarry. help.

Hi anon! I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling this way about preferring mlm over femslash. You are not the first person I see mentioning this and I think your experience is 100% valid and probably more common than you imagine. Following that logic, I should only read stories featuring bisexual women but you see, I’m not always interested in fics reflecting my own reality and issues. Most of the time I’m not even in the mood to read wlw or straight sex, no matter (or maybe exactly because of) how familiar it feels. I read it occasionally, but I normally use fic as an outlet to escape and read the stories that interest and intrigue me the most, and sometimes they couldn’t be farther away from my own experiences.

Be it because of the writing itself, or because I care more about Harry and Draco than I’ve ever cared about Ginny and Luna, Drarry just attracts me more than Linny. Hell, Ron/Ginny attracts me more than Linny. There’s no rationale behind what I ship, no objective way of knowing what will hit the right note for me, and so I gave up on tying to rationalize it a long time ago. Additionally, as a queer person I noticed that I often feel attracted to queerness in general, so I think it makes a lot of sense to connect to a gay character or mlm story even if you’re a woman (and vice-versa).

We all get different things out of fandom/fic and your reasons for enjoying this and not that work are entirely your own. I believe that our fandom experience should be all about self-indulgence and prioritizing joy and healing over anything else so from my perspective, I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty/ashamed of. That’s my two cents on it, just keep reading what you love and what brings you joy! ❤️

[musicoftheheart]

following the events in this post ive been listening to a few noah kahan songs (ive been picking and choosing a bit tbh, mostly the ones i recognise the titles of as well as a couple others) and heres what ive got:

(note: some of these opinions are based more on an unreleased wip i have, because some of these songs fit just a bit too well w it)

the view between villages - remus, obviously. this was an opinion i saw a lot on tiktok a while ago, and therefore this was one of the few songs of his id already heard. its so incredibly remus that i cant even try imagining anyone else.

homesick - its giving regulus tbh. i could maybe see sirius, to an extent, but i cant assign it to anyone else wholly but regulus.

northern attitude - sirius. 10000% sirius. i feel like i shouldnt even need to explain it, its just sirius.

stick season - look, okay. i know—i know—people have claimed this for wolfstar. i know. but i just hear regulus. i will explain if need be but its just... its regulus. im sorry but it is.

call your mom - this is one where context from the wip mentioned above would be useful, but spoilers, so all ill say is: sirius to james. the part of the fic im thinking of was originally inspired by forever winter by taylor swift but i actually think call your mom fits what ive written for it so far even better. thats all ill say. (yall know i love giving jamie issues <3)

fear of water - definitely regulus near the start of jegulus. it just makes sense in my head and its all i can think. admittedly, i did decide to listen to this one because my first thought was regulus and the cave because i cant see anything to do with water without thinking of him, but the song itself is 100% early jegulus from reg's pov.

dial drunk - regulus, again. yeah ik i talk about him a lot but ITS REGULUS. and the person hes calling is definitely sirius :( again im kind of relating this to part of the wip above, so maybe i have bias, but this song is regulus. it just is.

i didnt end up listening to many others because i wanted to listen to a pokemon podcast i was part way through yesterday so this is all ive got for rn

[nocturnal-phantoms-fandoms]

No no wait, delete my previous ask 😄 You've already answered

BDK

Hi!! :D

Thank you for the ask!!!

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

well if we arent strict on the someone part (one person i could pinpoint) changing my mind - ill say wolfstar. i wasnt shipping them initially when i first entered the fandom (tho it wasnt the english speaking fandom on tumblr or ff.net) and now its my whole personality. i had no idea it exists, or that its even a possibility to ship 2 men together (I was 12 with no critical thinking skills. i knew gay ppl exist but i didnt know its something that can exist in fiction too i guess?) and all the fics there were included sirius x marlene or sirius x dorcas. and one day i completely randomly stumbled upon this ship. and now, after all this time, im here.

aside from that - probably most ships that im into now that arent wolfstar - wolfstarbucks, wolfbucks, prongsfoot, lilypad and jilypad. I cant pinpoint who exactly introduced me to which ship tho - I just know that people in the fandom that I follow talk about those ships and i was like, i see the vision. similar thing in the case of non-marauders ships like Cedric, Fleur/Bill/Tonks or Fleur/Tonks - but here its more like, i dont really care about anyone thats not S or R and thats why i didnt consider any of those ships initially (but I've always liked Tonks).

idk if that counts but somebody (i wont say who. but in this case i can tell who that was) said they canNOT see remus x lily (or they could but it would be disaster for everyone) and that made me realise I could get into that ship too. so ill put it on the list <3

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

I mentioned a couple times I ship prongsfoot, but what I meant is I see why people ship them, and I ship them when in polyships I mentioned, and I do consider Sirius being in love with James (so, unrequired prongsfoot) in most concepts/storylines - but i wish I could get fully into the actual ship bc i feel like this part of the fandom writes them more in characters, and is generally a nice place to be. But I also saw some ppl talk about prongsfoot and james cheating on lily or sth and i know i wont get into that (cheating just squicks me out i guess?)

(this kinda goes for most of my ships that arent my OTP, I think? I like them, but im not into them enought to consider them my OTPs and sometimes I wish I did)

Also femslash ships. I wish I was more into them, and I dont want to excuse or justify why i dont like many femslash ships (there is so much discourse in many fandoms about it and i really dont want to do that). Im just not into them that much - i like them, but i dont read or write just about them, and I wish I did (maybe I will someday). In the case of the marauders fandom - Im not into dorlene or marylily bc those characters (sans Lily) are basically fandom's OCs (and I love that the fandom looked at those characters that were mentioned once in the books and made them quite interesting too. but I dont really care about them bc they are neither S or R and also there is no canon of them for me to fall back to)

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Why are you making me think critically about my blorbos on saturday afternoon </3

I cant pick a fav but im also not going to write an essay on each one

When I did a presentation about my fav ships I mentioned that I loved Steve Roger's arc in his first movie bc he went from "I dont want to kill anyone. I want to fight nazis bc I dont like bullies - I dont care where they come from" to "I'm not going to stop till all of Hydra is dead or captured" after he lost Bucky </3 (but thats just the first movie. and i still pretend endgame didnt happen. so) (also ive read metas that steve's arc was tied to saving/loosing bucky, and i love that from the shipping perspective)

Everyone in the Stranger Things fandom loves Steve Harrington's arc - he went from a background asshole jock to a heroic babysitter working minimum wage whose best friend is a lesbian - and now that he's a fan's favourite he's also most likely to die in the last season

I also read some posts/metas about Remus's arc and his nonlinear healing and learning to take on responsibility and I dont like most elements that his arc consists off but I do find it very interesting.

ask game

[ofallplaceswhythis]

K this is from the star (literally) (im also gonna section this)

Characters and their headcanons

im gonna leave this one to you unless you specifically ask

Fanfics

ATYD- wolfstar, flowerpott, minor or background

Just Lovers (like we were supposed to be)- sunseeker, wolfstar, m/bg

Crimson Rivers- sunseeker, wolfstar, minor of backround

Only the Brave- sunseeker, wolfstar, minor or background

Kill your darlings- sunseeker, wolfstar, minor or background

Cadence of Part - Time Poets- wolfstar, flowerpott, m/bg

The Hand That Feeds- seameadows, minor or background

Every Lovers Game- seameadows, minor or background

I'm not going to teach him how to dance (sequel to ^)- rosekiller, m

ATYD - Sirius POV- like ATYD

Best friend's brother- sunseeker, wolfstar, m/bg

The Black Mass over highway 90- wolfstar

Art Heist, Baby!- sunseeker, wolfstar, minor seameadows, m/bg

Choices- sunseeker, minor wolfstar, m/bg

the rest is your choice but these are all the classics (that i can think of rn)

Ships

Jily / Flowerpott

literally the cornerstone of the fandom (along with wolfstar) amazing ship but the fans hating on jegulus made people hesitant to ship it

wolfstar

you already know BUT a little controversy surrounding tonks and how it "excludes her" and "not acknowledging her is a product of misogynism" (which i am prepared to give a whole debate about. Otherwise the PARENTS AND THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF THIS ENTIRE FANDOM

jegulus / starchaser / sunseeker

VERY popular ship - no controversies as far as I can think of except flowerpott fans hating on them

dorlene / seameadows (marlene means star of the sea)

the very first RIVALS TO LOVERS (sunseeker is enemies to lovers imo) the very first marauders era wlw ship to emerge AND A BEAUTIFULL DYNAMIC I LOVE THIS

marylily / cherryflower (queen mary is a type of cherry)

i dont know much about this so consider some marylily blogs if you wanna RESEARCH TO THE CORE but this is the fluff induced friends to lovers (wolfstar is angst induced friends to lovers)

pandalily / mythflower (pandora's box is a myth)

i also don't know much about this so same advice as cherryflower but this is the fluff induced rivals to lovers (seameadows is rage + angst induced rivals to lovers)

rosekiller

popped out from god knows where - didnt even have a confession or anything just randomly started making out or smt (dont have a clue pls read some blogs or smt these are just my hc). unhinged serial killer vibes

i could tell you about the rarepairs / extras but i think this is probably enough information to digest

Info about Authors

idk how to classify this so lets just get into it

Zar and Green are both amazing writers who have deleted/privated all of their fanfics because people were selling them/publishing them onto different sites/ generally doing stuff with their work which they had not given permission for.

SO PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT DO ANYTHING TO A WRITER'S WORK EXCPET READ IT AND INTERACT WITH IT. THERE IS NO NEED TO PUBLISH IT ELSEWHERE, OR SELL BOOKBINDINGS, OR DO ANYTHING WHICH THE AUTHOR HAS NOT GIVEN PERMISSION FOR. IF YOU FIND SOMEONE DOING THAT - PLEASE ALERT THE AUTHOR.

also, if you are contributing in this fandom (or any other) whether by posts, fics, arts, literally anything PLEASE DO NOT TAG THINGS THAT ARE NOT MENTIONED IN IT.

eg. if your post includes 2 characters ffs do not tag the characters who are not mentioned - even if they are from the same fandom

this goes for fanfics as well - do not tag relationships if they only have a minor focus

also, please please please make sure that if you are writing a fanfic that you tag tws and cws appropriatly

i think that is all?

i mean i dont think our friend will write ffs but ok

making a powerpoint presentation for my friend who isn’t into marauders, need some core things/headcanons to mention. HELP 😭😭

[sirrriusblack]

One day James Potter asked Lily Evans if she believed in magic. At first she was ready to scoff and say ‘yes’ because of course she believed in magic. She was a witch.

* * *

But a memory came back to her at the question. Her mother and father each holding a tiny hand and swinging her as they walked down the street. Her mother’s eyes, the love in her parents gaze as they shared a look.

That was a different kind of magic.

A young boy walked up to her, black hair and kind eyes. He looked down at the flower she’d grown from the palm of her hand.

“I’m Severus,” he said. He didn’t think Lily was a freak.

That was a different kind of magic.

Another memory flooded her senses. She was back to 12 years old and her sister hadn’t said anything to her beyond ‘freak’ for the whole year. Petunia had baked a cake and when Lily reached out to cut a slice, for the first time in too long, Petunia didn’t bat Lily’s hand away. Instead she smiled at her.That day, they were children again, running through fields and playing games under the sun.

That was a different kind of magic.

Lily was thirteen and she was reading a Tale of Two Cities. She was so lost in the book that by the time she looked up it was dark outside the window she was sitting by and she hadn’t even realised she’d been squinting just to see the words. She’d finally finished it though, and when she told Remus, he lit up and they spent the whole night talking through the book.

That was a different kind of magic.

In fifth year, Sirius Black stood on the table of the Great Hall and picked up a carrot cake. The whole room fell silent and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say. Lily remembered watching Professor McGonagall’s face as she realised, a second too late, what was about to happen. Sirius threw that carrot cake with all the force he could muster and somehow, miraculously—Sirius still insists he didn’t use magic—got it across to the Slytherin table and straight into Bellatrix Black’s face. Lily broke into laughter as she remembered the muggle movie she’d shown him the previous weekend and how entranced he’d been during the food fight scene. The Great Hall erupted and Lily left that night covered head to toe in an assortment of foods and a memory of the sly smirk of McGonagall’s face.

That was a different kind of magic.

A memory of two hands, pale hair against dark and bright smiles. Sixth year. Lily remembered listening to Dorcas pine after Marlene for years and then here they were, hands linked and laughing as they jumped into the Great Lake. Lily, Alice and Mary laughed along with them but they were in their own world, in love and so, so happy.

That was a different kind of magic.

A final memory plays in her mind. James Potter, shy for once in his life, nervously messing up his hair and looking away from her.

“Lily. I don’t want to... I don’t want to screw this up,” he said. “I really really like having you as my friend. More than you can imagine.” He paused for a moment and looked Lily in the eyes. “But I’ll hate myself forever if I don’t try one last time.” Lily tried to imagine what he’d say. But he’d stopped talking. He wasn’t going to say it.

“Would you maybe want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” Lily blurted before she could talk herself out of it. James’ eyes widened but not once did his hand lift up to his hair.

“What?” Lily put her head in her hands and groaned. She was stupid. She was so, so stupid. “You can’t let me have one victory can you, Evans?” James laughed.

“What?” Lily looked up through a crack in her fingers. James was smirking at her. He pushed his glasses up his nose.

“Yes, Lily. I’d love to go to Hogsmeade with you this weekend.”

That was a different kind of magic.

* * *

“Lily?” James leaned forward and snapped Lily out of her trance. She remembered the question suddenly. Do you believe in magic?

“Yeah,” Lily said, smiling slightly. “Yeah I do.” James didn’t note the happiness in her voice, but instead grinned.

“Oh good, because boy, do I have a the magic trick for you,” James said, pulling out a deck of cards. Lily rolled her eyes. “Pick a card, any card,” James said eagerly.

[ravenoclock]

SKAJDJSKANAN ive been putting off reading this fic since i learnt of its existence cuz it’s canon compliant and all that. i haven’t even finished it yet and can SENSE my mental health deteriorating by the moment… but i feel like I’m processing it better than when i read crimson rivers and the hand that feeds (GOD THOSE TWO KILLED ME) cuz i had no one to talk to abt those fics so i was suffering in silence so tysm <3.

UR RIGHT. THE PRONGSFOOT. AGSHAHJAHAH. they’re so toxic and i hate it and i love it and it’s all so confusing because i feel sm for them and I can’t understand it all.

OKOK ON TO CHAPTER 8….

“How do you let go?”

“I don’t know”

(You never know.)

fuck. that… wow. just…speechless. i’m speechless rn.

JAMES MY POOR BABY :(( Effie and Monty dying and him just throwing himself off whatever cliff he was on and Sirius being like ‘if we go down we go down together’ too seriously (it’s literally in his name idk what I expected). Sirius being enabler of the century because she’ll love James unconditionally no matter what and the whole anything you can do I can do better thing so they’re basically enabling each other to destroy themselves and continue to destroy themselves.

JAMES HAVING FOUR SECRET STASHES. WHAT THE ACTUAL-

oh and Remus’ lingering gaze. we see you mf. (so does Sirius but they don’t know wtf it is they want).

OH AND HARRY IN THE WOMB. HARRY POTTER IS IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING WOMB BECAUSE JAMSS FORGOT THE SPELLS AND SJSBSJAJJAJAJAJAJ. they were both grieving and their hopes are all piled onto this child and it’s just so so fucking sad and heartbreaking and they all deserved to live and love and all that corny bullshit they NEVER GOT TO DO. none of them are dead yet (most of them are like halfway there ;-;) and i’m not doing that okay. SIRIUS IS GODFATHER!!! YESSSSSSSS!!! and her being like ‘i don’t know how to love i just know what it feels to not have it’ is just EJHDSHJS WHYYYYYYYY.

Sirius, who exists at ends of two extremes, no middle ground, no fixed point. He is always too much and never enough. A man who cries, and someone crying, who is not a man. Sirius doesn't get to live in absolutes; when he's at his weakest, he wishes he could, just for the ease of it, just to know something and, if he's lucky, not hate it.

hey. my (nonexistent) therapist wants to call you up for wrecking me like this. that was a fucking bomb drop. not cool. i had to take a lap around the room (or 9) after reading this or else i was gonna cry cuz DAMN. WHAT YHE FUCK.

is this like a universal experience? where everyone feels like they’re too much yet not enough at all? cuz like I think it all the time and im sure there are more people who do?? im not at all comparing my situation to that of Sirius’ in this fic, but im just curious. have you ever felt that way before?

WOLFSTAR MAKING UP FROM A NONEXISTENT BREAKUP CUZ THEY WETENT EVEN TOGETHER IS SO THEM. HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MYCH I LOVE THEM?? I DONT THINK SO. I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR. REMUS BEING LIKE ‘THIS IS GOOD’ AND SIRIUS INTERNALLY COMBUSTING FROM HOW SWEET HE IS LIKE CHRIST SIRIUS HE WAS ALWAYS THERE AND ALWAYS IN LOVE AND ALWAYS WILLIBG TO TRY BUT SIRIUD DIDNT WANT TO BELIEVE IT (cuz of the whole ‘he deserves better and you know it’ and all his other self dialogue that isn’t exactly healthy and happy) BUT ARGEHSJSH. I CANT THINK STRAIGHT WITH THEM. THE FLUFF. LOVE LOVE LIVE LIVE LOVE LIVE LOVE. im gonna ignore the fact that it’s canon compliant rn cuz they’re happy so im happy and the whole world must be happy and allow them to be happy for the rest of time (AHEM IM LOOKING AT U BALDY VOLDY) anyways when i read chapter 9 I’ll be back :)).

@labyrinthhofmymind

the following content has spoilers for a fic called presque vu by bizarrestars.

I WILL BE KEEPING U UPDATED BECAUSE I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO ABT THIS. ITS TOO LATE TO BACK OUT.

ANYWHO;

SIRIUS SAYING REG AND JAMES ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW ENOUGH TO LOVE HIM KILLED ME. I DIED. WTF.

OH AND THE SETTLE DOWN THING AND HOW SIRIUS FOESNT WANT TO SETTLE DOWN. AND REMUS BEING LIKE ‘YEAH I WOULD FOR THE RIGHT PERSON’ AND LOOKING AT SIRIUS AND SIRIUS IS LIKE ‘he deserves better and you know it’ NOO, LOVE, YOU ARE SOULMATES PLS PLS RECONSIDR. DJJSSJSJSJ.

also Sirius’ whole thing about not wanting to label because why the fuck do you have to label is so real. it’s literally what I tell my friends when they ask why I don’t label and they just look at me weird (except for one of them who said—to my face btw— ‘there’s so many labels just pick one’). anyways Sirius spiralling and being like ew why tf is he making me spiral (abt Dearborn) is SO FUNNY (ik it was like an angsty scene and all but they made me crack up).

Peter yelling ‘don’t forget to use the spells’ is so USHAKAKNS. WHY?! and knowing he’s a spy…. have I mentioned that I want to rip my hair out? No? currently ripping my hair out.

…the chapter ending? the ending of chapter 7??? excuse me??? WHY DID SIRIUS DO THAT. the heartbreak I could feel from Remus. WTF. also I don’t think Sirius did it (the thing with Dearborn) but again, he’s an extremely unreliable narrator so who tf actually knows. idk tho. can I say I’m neutral unless it’s confirmed that he did or didn’t do it? what do u think? wolfstar is so problematic and low key toxic but DHSHJS I LOVE RHEM SM. GAH. also the paranoia in this chapter with Sirius suspecting Remus as the spy… WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY??!!!!!? canon compliant fics will be the death of me I swear. they’re like a drug you can’t get enough of with the full knowledge that it’s not that good for you. anywho. also Sirius is like ‘I wouldn’t settle down not because you don’t deserve it but because I don’t’ and I find that heartbreaking. :(( Sirius you are loved.

when I finish the next few chapters I’ll post another rant. tysm for reading!!

[castrotophic]

ngl sometimes i forget that we know basically nothing about any of them canonically bc we all seem to have reached this unspoken agreement about their personalities and their traits and honestly even who they dated (bc lets be honest a good majority of marauders stans are gay and/or agree that wolfstar totally happened) and its just the funniest thing in the world to me i was talking to my mom the other day and she said something about james potter and i mentioned a hc (i rlly wish i could remember what it was but just believe me it was a common one maybe something abt him and remus friendship?) and she was like what? that never happened and it took me a good minute to remember i was talking abt smth noncanon it was hilarious (to me at least my mom didnt really get the joke it actually sent her on a little rant abt how everyone blames jkr for stuff she 'didnt even do and anyways is it really that wrong what she said?' and it pissed me off so i had to leave) but anyway thx all yall marauders era fans i love our shared brain<3

I fucking love how rowling have us like 2% of the marauders in 7 books and then we all collectively said Mm nope that's not what happened and basically came up with a whole universe made of fanons and head canons and whatever and now it is what it is

[tears-of-boredom]

Oh god I'm reminded of all these fics. So many of the wolfstar fics morph together in my mind, especially when they all have that balcony in the dorms.("Nox" stands out) And there's this one absolutely wretched shinkami smut("Mind games") that my horny ass used to read every week like it was routine...oh god those are all probably so horrible but they are so indearing, and tbh I loved all of letsgohomehidee's works, they were the reason I stayed so long on the app, but they have this very typical wattpad tone which I finally got done with. Like, I liked "Class Prince", but reading it back without all the waiting time for chapters, it is fucking quick, bitches act like they've been in love for years when I don't think it's even been three weeks. Also the older brother plot point is just so ridiculous and expected that it's really funny. I got through "Y.O.L.O." easily, but it was kinda cringe in the end. "The Ranking System" was the last one of theirs I read. Didn't get through it at all, and only reason I even got as far as I did was by yelling at Axel to just have sex with this one blue haired guy, because his life would be so much easier that way. Alas, Axel was a pussy and didn't even sleep with his stereotypically Russian roommate, whose name i think was Vlad. He only has eyes on the clear love interest, which in hindsight was really boring. Sorry sorry, a good work on there would probably be "Pest control", there's a nb character or something, I feel like not remembering much is a green flag in wattpad works. "Morning shift", would be another good one, although i havent read either of them back with a reasonable mind. Morning shift has ice skating, and notably I didn't understand how the pharmacy the mc worked at made sense. Many people tried to help me by comparing it to american stores, didnt help, still kinda confused on that. Also the mc is autistic or something but it doesnt really matter(although their friend does kinda speak about the mc like theyre a complete child in one specific part, which kinda triggers me) "Gay chicken" was a wild one, people were constantly fighting about whether or not there was slut shaming and if the "slut" in question is a good partner for the skater boy(they both are side characters). Notably in that fic the main character wears a shirt with a Scottish flag on it, and when I was reading it I couldn't remember what the Scottish flag looked like so i had to Google it. I tried to stick with the "a broken slytherin" series because I believed that it would evolve into something better. Didn't evolve fast enough for me. The last ones I feel like are significant to me are "Aevumiter" and "The Middle Of Nowhere". I don't remeber why I liked Aevumiter, but I kept coming back to it often. Maybe I liked it cause Sirius was alive. Oh yeah it's a drarry fic lol. All the rest are originals, except where I clearly mention the fandom or ship. A broken slytherin is pretty clear with the fandom. But anyways, afterwards looking at Aevumiter, I don't think I could read it now without getting disgusted. Theres just something about going back in time so you look younger, but you have the life experience of a 34 year old man, and falling in love with someone who's the same age as your body, that doesn't sit right with me. Also they make Harry even more of a chosen one than he already was. (Have I told anyone that Radcliffe was kinda hot in those deathly hallows movies? Especially when he's in that Grey sweater leaning against that tree, or right in the duel with voldemort. Sorry for getting off track.) So about "The Middle Of Nowhere". It's a kiribaku where they both are just so depressed that it's just a fact and they have that old gas station aecthethic going around. I read it for the smut part but tbh the vibe is kinda fun also. The title does check out, although I expected it to be a little more of "nowhere" than "the middle of". That fic has all the abusive family members you could dream of mentioned, giving me kinda fan imaginary Harley in Rose Hill vibes with the nobody's innocent thing.

Yeah so that's that for this rant.

I deleted my wattpad a while ago but there's this one shinkami fic that I had saved on there and I have no idea what its name is and I don't know if i remeber my account name or password