#and i deeply hate the way women are described in this book

[iserlohnfortress]

men will literally start an affair with their best friend's wife (who may or may not even exist) in order to transpose their attraction to said friend onto a heterosexual model instead of going to therapy

[writingwithcolor]

My alternate universe fantasy colonial Hong Kong is more authoritarian and just as racist but less homophobic than in real life, should I change that?

@floatyhands asked:

I’m a Hongkonger working on a magical alternate universe dystopia set in what is basically British colonial Hong Kong in the late 1920s. My main character is a young upper middle-class Eurasian bisexual man.  I plan to keep the colony’s historical racial hierarchy in this universe, but I also want the fantasy quirks to mean that unlike in real life history, homosexuality was either recently decriminalized, or that the laws are barely enforced, because my boy deserves a break. Still, the institutions are quite homophobic, and this relative tolerance might not last. Meanwhile, due to other divergences (e.g. eldritch horrors, also the government’s even worse mishandling of the 1922 Seamen's Strike and the 1925 Canton-Hong Kong Strike), the colonial administration is a lot more authoritarian than it was in real history. This growing authoritarianism is not exclusive to the colony, and is part of a larger global trend in this universe.  I realize these worldbuilding decisions above may whitewash colonialism, or come off as choosing to ignore one colonial oppression in favor of exaggerating another. Is there any advice as to how I can address this issue? (Maybe I could have my character get away by bribing the cops, though institutional corruption is more associated with the 1960s?) Thank you!

Historical Precedent for Imperialistic Gay Rights

There is a recently-published book about this topic that might actually interest you: Racism And The Making of Gay Rights by Laurie Marhoefer (note: I have yet to read it, it’s on my list). It essentially describes how the modern gay rights movement was built from colonialism and imperialism. 

The book covers Magnus Hirschfeld, a German sexologist in the early 1900s, and (one of) his lover(s), Li Shiu Tong, who he met in British Shanghai. Magnus is generally considered to have laid the groundwork for a lot of gay rights, and his research via the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft was a target of Nazi book-burnings, but he was working with imperial governments in an era where the British Empire was still everywhere. 

Considering they both ended up speaking to multiple world leaders about natural human sexual variation both in terms of intersex issues and sexual attraction, your time period really isn’t that far off for people beginning to be slightly more open-minded—while also being deeply imperialist in other ways.

The thing about this particular time period is homosexuality as we know it was recently coming into play, starting with the trial of Oscar Wilde and the rise of Nazism. But between those two is a pretty wildly fluctuating gap of attitudes.

Oscar Wilde’s trial is generally considered the period where gay people, specifically men who loved men, started becoming a group to be disliked for disrupting social order. It was very public, very scandalous, and his fall from grace is one of the things that drove so many gay and/or queer men underground. It also helped produce some of the extremely queercoded classical literature of the Victorian and Edwardian eras (ex: Dracula), because so many writers were exploring what it meant to be seen as such negative forces. A lot of people hated Oscar Wilde for bringing the concept to such a public discussion point, when being discreet had been so important.

But come the 1920s, people were beginning to wonder if being gay was that bad, and Mangus Hirschfeld managed to do a world tour of speaking come the 1930s, before all of that was derailed by wwii. He (and/or Li Shiu Tong) were writing papers that were getting published and sent to various health departments about how being gay wasn’t an illness, and more just an “alternative” way of loving others. 

This was also the era of Boston Marriages where wealthy single women lived together as partners (I’m sure there’s an mlm-equivalent but I cannot remember or find it). People were a lot less likely to care if you kept things discreet, so there might be less day to day homophobia than one would expect. Romantic friendships were everywhere, and were considered the ideal—the amount of affection you could express to your same-sex best friend was far above what is socially tolerable now.

Kaz Rowe has a lot of videos with cited bibliographies about various queer disasters [affectionate] of the late 1800s/early 1900s, not to mention a lot of other cultural oddities of the Victorian era (and how many of those attitudes have carried into modern day) so you can start to get the proper terms to look it up for yourself.

I know there’s a certain… mistrust of specifically queer media analysts on YouTube in the current. Well. Plagiarism/fact-creation scandal (if you don’t know about the fact-creation, check out Todd in the Shadows). I recommend Kaz because they have citations on screen and in the description that aren’t whole-cloth ripped off from wikipedia’s citation list (they’ve also been published via Getty Publications, a museum press). 

For audio-preferring people (hi), a video is more accessible than text, and sometimes the exposure to stuff that’s able to pull exact terms can finally get you the resources you need. If text is more accessible, just jump to the description box/transcript and have fun. Consider them and their work a starting place, not a professor. 

There is always a vulnerability in learning things, because we can never outrun our own confirmation bias and we always have limited time to chase down facts and sources—we can only do our best and be open to finding facts that disprove what we researched prior.

Colonialism’s Popularity Problem

Something about colonialism that I’ve rarely discussed is how some colonial empires actually “allow” certain types of “deviance” if that deviance will temporarily serve its ends. Namely, when colonialism needs to expand its territory, either from landing in a new area or having recently messed up and needing to re-charm the population.

By that I mean: if a fascist group is struggling to maintain popularity, it will often conditionally open its doors to all walks of life in order to capture a greater market. It will also pay its spokespeople for the privilege of serving their ends, often very well. Authoritarians know the power of having the token supporter from a marginalized group on payroll: it both opens you up directly to that person’s identity, and sways the moderates towards going “well they allow [person/group] so they can’t be that bad, and I prefer them.”

Like it or not, any marginalized group can have its fascist members, sometimes even masquerading as the progressives. Being marginalized does not automatically equate to not wanting fascism, because people tend to want fascist leaders they agree with instead of democracy and coalition building. People can also think that certain people are exaggerating the horrors of colonialism, because it doesn’t happen to good people, and look, they accept their friends who are good people, so they’re fine. 

A dominant fascist group can absolutely use this to their advantage in order to gain more foot soldiers, which then increases their raw numbers, which puts them in enough power they can stop caring about opening their ranks, and only then do they turn on their “deviant” members. By the time they turn, it’s usually too late, and there’s often a lot of feelings of betrayal because the spokesperson (and those who liked them) thought they were accepted, instead of just used.

You said it yourself that this colonial government is even stricter than the historical equivalent—which could mean it needs some sort of leverage to maintain its popularity. “Allowing” gay people to be some variation of themselves would be an ideal solution to this, but it would come with a bunch of conditions. What those conditions are I couldn’t tell you—that’s for your own imagination, based off what this group’s ideal is, but some suggestions are “follow the traditional dating/friendship norms”, “have their own gender identity slightly to the left of the cis ideal”, and/or “pretend to never actually be dating but everyone knows and pretends to not care so long as they don’t out themselves”—that would signal to the reader that this is deeply conditional and about to all come apart. 

It would, however, mean your poor boy is less likely to get a break, because he would be policed to be the “acceptable kind of gay” that the colonial government is currently tolerating (not unlike the way the States claims to support white cis same-sex couples in the suburbs but not bipoc queer-trans people in polycules). It also provides a more salient angle for this colonial government to come crashing down, if that’s the way this narrative goes.

Colonial governments are often looking for scapegoats; if gay people aren’t the current one, then they’d be offered a lot more freedom just to improve the public image of those in power. You have the opportunity to have the strikers be the current scapegoats, which would take the heat off many other groups—including those hit by homophobia.

In Conclusion

Personally, I’d take a more “gays for Trump” attitude about the colonialism and their apparent “lack” of homophobia—they’re just trying to regain popularity after mishandling a major scandal, and the gay people will be on the outs soon enough.

You could also take the more nuanced approach and see how imperialism shaped modern gay rights and just fast-track that in your time period, to give it the right flavour of imperialism. A lot of BIPOC lgbtqa+ people will tell you the modern gay rights movement is assimilationalist, colonialist, and other flavours of ick, so that angle is viable.

You can also make something that looks more accepting to the modern eye by leaning heavily on romantic friendships that encouraged people waxing poetic for their “best friends”, keeping the “lovers” part deeply on the down low, but is still restrictive and people just don’t talk about it in public unless it’s in euphemisms or among other same-sex-attracted people because there’s nothing wrong with loving your best friend, you just can’t go off and claim you’re a couple like a heterosexual couple is.

Either way, you’re not sanitizing colonialism inherently by having there be less modern-recognized homophobia in this deeply authoritarian setting. You just need to add some guard rails on it so that, sure, your character might be fine if he behaves, but there are still “deviants” that the government will not accept. 

Because that’s, in the end, one of the core tenants that makes a government colonial: its acceptance of groups is frequently based on how closely you follow the rules and police others for not following them, and anyone who isn’t their ideal person will be on the outs eventually. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have a facade of pretending those rules are totally going to include people who are to the left of those ideals, if those people fit in every other ideal, or you’re safe only if you keep it quiet.

~ Leigh

[ezziefae]

I fully believe that Cardan is fascinated with Jude, not only for her personality, but also for her physical features. We know he loves her round ears and cheeks. We've seen him make note of these as well as trace them. This leads me to my next train of thought. You know how in TCP, Jude was in Cardan's bedroom and noticed he had bare-breasted cat women along the headboard of his bed? Do you think maybe he was interested in this physical asset because of Jude since she is described as being top heavy? Maybe it's a reach, but it is interesting that although the fae despise mortals, they seem to like their bodies and creativity in the arts and music

I think Cardan is fascinated with Jude in many ways. Her soft features, her body, her voice, her personality, literally everything. Jude is described as having a strong muscular physique and Cardan's desires for her body are quite evident throughout the books, with him even admitting to it. Cardan was always very observant of Jude's body and features. This attraction is consistently portrayed throughout the series.

In TCP when Nicasia ordered Jude to strip, Cardan was affected by it, and even though Jude was drugged out of her mind, she was able to notice the difference in Cardan's demeanor.

"Looking up at Cardan, though, something strikes me wrong. His eyes are glittering with fury and desire and maybe even shame." (TCP, pg 99)

His desire for Jude affects him deeply, and we see this again in TWK when Jude strips out of her dress Infront of the folk to change into her Queen of Mirth gown.

"Cardan steps close to me, his gaze devouring. I am not sure I can bear his cutting me down again. Luckily he seems at loss for words." (TWK, pg 104)

"I pull out of his grip, but not before I see his expression. He looks as he did when he was forced to answer my questions, when he admitted his desire for me. He looks as though he's confessing" (TWK, pg 105)

It's clear her body is captivating to Cardan. Jude describes herself to be curvy, with thighs that rub into each other, muscles and heavy breast, she even says she's taller than Vivi, and that Vivi's clothes are tight on Jude. So, from what we can tell she's thick and curvy.

There's also a popular discovery that apparently Valerian lusted for Jude (and maybe even Taryn), and frankly, it makes sense since there's a part in TCP where Valerian leers at Taryn's curves (Valerian definitely gives horny guy that hates women but wants their bodies vibes). Since Jude and Taryn are mortals, they have abilities that the folk lack, and for that reason, they're looked down upon. I believe that the faeries harbor both hatred and envy towards mortals due to the advantages they possess. I also want to point out that Cardan did not choose the headboard featuring animals with breasts in his room, and Holly Black confirmed that. Cardan loves Jude's physique and has been drooling over her since before the events of TCP. Additionally, it's worth noting that the faerie folk do mate with mortals because mortals can reproduce more easily than the folk. Without mortals, the folk population would be less.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/30/2024

most annoying book i've read so far this year under the jump

listening

a lovely polyrhythmic instrumental piece with previously-featured tuesdaysong artist, terrifying master of the cello, abel selaocoe. this is very textured and kind of scrubs at the inside of my skull in a pleasing way. like the kind of back scrubber you can buy with a bamboo handle and the long soft bristles. popped up on my recent releases playlist from spotify.

-

reading

really fucking pissed about this book and i am not able to be reasonable about it. i was really thrown, much like the fantasy prince's mother from her carriage as she was being chased by regency gossip reporters, that this was a prince harry/meghan markle RPF AU. i am a bit uncomfy about the fact that our female lead, the fantasy AU meghan markle, is some flavor of fantasy Gaelic instead of fantasy mixed-race. now, i have no particular moral or physical beef with RPF but i don't typically seek it out. but/also/and, much like works about marilyn monroe, i think works with the specter of princess diana are in poor taste. can we leave these women alone maybe

i got about halfway through the book before this revelation and didn't really feel like it succeeded at much of anything it was trying to do. oddly informal and choppy, like it was originally intended as a contemporary romance with some urban magic and changed to regency in a late draft. this is combined with some fairly weak prose: more simple sentence structure than i would expect in a book for young adults, far too many proper nouns, and a lack of interest in showing not telling.

i straight up don't understand why the leads are attracted to each other if she keeps making very public mistakes and he's a rude cunt. i have read other books (most recently the t kingfisher books) where someone grows to love a very gruff or taciturn man, but it takes time and mutual trust and an effort on both sides, none of which happen here. the core conflict is duty to family in all its various forms vs the heart wants what the heart wants. the conflict is not much of a conflict, though, because characters come to realizations within three sentences of confronting them and then vocalize them with therapyspeak. someone literally pats someone else's hand and goes, "It's hard, I know." the author mercifully did not describe the sad little pursed sympathy mouth but i'm sure it was there.

i'm also deeply annoyed with how this author chose to go about characterization. while the character concepts are people i would love to meet in a ttrpg, it feels very concerned about Good Representation and it makes everyone feel very wooden. i think when you put together characters from a list of various oppressions and disabilities it starts feeling like a grownup version of a children’s ensemble show meant to sell little blind box figurines. here is the Chronically Ill one, and her color is pink! here is the Addicted one, and his color is green! here is the Goth and Depressed one, and her color is black with some bones! here is the Gay one who was once badly hurt by the Addicted one, and we don’t care enough about him to give him a color! here is the superficially fantasy-Jewish one, and we don’t care enough about her to give her a color or an action figure either!

while normally i would love to read a book with two! TWO! canonically bisexual leads of different genders! this book is written for the "folx" spectrum of gays instead of the "fags" part of the spectrum and it strays very close to a modern morality tale for me.

this popped up on a list of books with bi leads i think, but if it was here or on libby i cannot remember.

anyway! fucking hated this one.

pleasantly surprised these came in back to back off my holds lists, bc they are about the perfumer Grace and Grace's former landlord, the spy Marguerite. my favorite of these Saint of Steel series is still the one with the werebear nun. i have nothing to complain about these books and not much to say about them either. they were such a delightful and competent change of pace after the annoyance of the previously discussed book.

oh i loved these. oh i LOOOOOOVED these. how the fuck does novik do it. she is so good at capturing the very specific feel of a grandpa military historical novel. except with dragons. i love these in the same way i know i will love the patrick o'brien books if i ever get around to reading them. i was a navy brat and unfortunately this is fucking catnip to me. truly i have inherited all my father's tastes

-

watching

largely fallow week. i don't have anything particularly great to say about The Bad Batch, but when have i ever. have not caught up with dunmeishi bc my siblings have once again inadvertently locked me out of the netflix account i pay for. considering a vpn for many reasons but watching netflix and watching porn (the state of texas does not want me or anyone else to watch porn within her borders) are the two big reasons for. idk. cashing out the paltry cash-back credit card rewards and coughing them up for a vpn. vpn opinions welcomed, i know most of them are straight garbage

-

playing

i straight up ran out of money in genshin, which is pretty hard to do since they're pretty generous with it? i have spent several million in-game currency on leveling up neuvilette (i am so so so happy to not have to collect any fucking starfish mats for him anymore [mats are different materials you have to collect or buy in-game in order to level up a character. very grindy most of the time]). anyway i am now scrabbling around for the last couple chests and puzzles i marked on my map in fontaine. i haven't bothered with grinding for his specific boosting artifacts or leveling up his talents all the way yet but this is really not shabby. i have the bad habit of completely levelling up all my 5-stars and then ignoring them until i need them for a specific fight or a specific level of the monthly..battle royale puzzle? i don't really know how to describe the abyss. anyway when i do eventually need his pretty intense water AOE attacks i will frantically grind for his talent mats. right now we're grinding for other things thanks

this latest update contains both the best and worst new areas so far. the underwater lost city of Remuria is a fuckin banger. gorgeous. incredible puzzles. very fun music-based quest line with new abilities and giant whale. however, im kind of disappointed by the new coastline area in the map: there is pretty much nothing there. almost no interactable plants to harvest, very few enemies, almost no chests. i get that they are focusing their time and attention on the new underwater area everyone will be focusing on (killer, btw, super dense and great use of vertical space). very lore-heavy expansion, sort of what if atlantis was a bit roman-inspired and also. hold on. wait a second.

sorry this has just occurred to me at 10:21 PM on Monday night as im drafting this but oh my god are the fucking fontanians the Sea Peoples of the bronze age collapse. this is hysterically funny lore if true. im going to have to go back and reread a lot of the environmental storytelling notes but oh my GOD that's extremely funny if true. genshin has some of the most batshit lore of any game ive ever played and im so sad that so few game journos are focusing on it.

where was i. leveling up characters in legally-not-france who may or may not be descendants of the sea peoples. i often find myself leveling up characters in genshin not based on how useful they are to the party but by how fun the bosses i need to fight for their mats are? for example: neuvilette is a water-based AOE character with not a lot of on-field time. however this big electric seahorse, whose antlers i need to level him up, is really fun to fight and i can knock it out in about thirty seconds.

-

making

my sister's birthday is tomorrow! my birthday package to her was kind of heavy on stupid little trinkets and art books and not very much like. homemade? so i cranked out a little sampler. it's framed i promise i simply forgot to take a picture of it framed. about 3"x3", slightly adapted from a piece in Julie Jackson's Subversive Cross Stitch. i do think the F and C turned out way better (or at least the backstitching stands out way more) but hey. sometimes you need to hastily stitch a gift with the limited colors you have on hand

[velvetvexations]

(sorry for length ahead of time.)

I gave whipping girl a try, but gave up quickly because I found it so... Self content, if that makes sense? It was content with and insistent upon womanhood and victimhood being the same, and that trans women were the most victimised of all. This was presented, in my (fallible and hazy, take with grain of salt) memory, as how it's always been, how it is now (and if we follow implications, how it always will be.)

I can imagine it's very comforting for trans women to read this kind of message, especially with how masculinity (no matter how forced, uncomfortable, against one's will, or abandoned entirely) is often treated as this horrible gunk that stains one's entire being and leaves the person predatory, perverted and dangerous. To be treated this way, to be excluded, degraded, misgendered, traumatised and worse because society sees trans women as covered in this invisible gunk they never asked for and therefore tells them, over and over, ‘to be a man is to be a predator.’ makes the message that ‘to be a woman is to be a victim’… very palatable.

This kind of thinking validates the suffering trans women have gone through, and aims to say that the source of their suffering is womanhood itself. But it also means that if woman=victim, then non woman=non victim. Following that logic, not being a victim poses a threat to womanhood, and so trans women must be victims.

I struggle even to describe how deeply upsetting and cruel this logic is. That trans women should just be served up ‘you’re a woman, so you're a victim. That's how it is’ and be expected to accept and parrot it? That everyone should repeat loyally that being a victim is somehow validating a core part of womanhood?

What if I think telling trans women that they just have to accept that they are victims, because that's what womanhood is, is horrible and wrong? What if I don't want trans women to be victims in the first place? What if I don't care who has it worse, but about how we can make it better? I just... Can't stand this idea that it's more important to figure out who's suffering most, rather than figuring out how to make sure trans women have the safety, joy and freedom they deserve.

Maybe I'm insane, but for as long as I remember, feminism has been about equality. Feminism has been about women, every kind of woman, saying they refuse to be lesser, to be victims, to silently accept suffering and degradation and cruelty. I think trans women should be allowed to do the same without being called idiots, or told to read books, or that they don't know anything about their own experiences, or that they should fuck off and shut up, by people who are supposedly their allies. I think trans women should be allowed to see womanhood as happiness.

Equating womanhood to victimization and being obsessed with being the biggest victim is the root of all TERFism.

And it's like, are AMAB trans people, if one absolutely must quantify suffering, the worst off? I might have agreed albeit still insisting the difference between us and AFAB trans people can only be infinitesimal, but I'm not even sure if there's that infinitesimal difference. The victim of literally the most famous trans hate crime ever was a transman, and I know they're wildly underrepresented compared to how many of them there actually are. As I've said over and over, attacking and silencing transmen in order to favor me does not at all help me feel like the victim. In fact, it makes me feel like the privileged oppressor class.

[floral-ashes]

Book release day! Very queer, very trans, very fun~~ <3

🚨📚 Today is the Canadian release day for my new book Gender/Fucking: The Pleasures and Politics of Living in a Gendered Body! Reviews of the book and links to where you can get it are at the bottom of this post.

But first, some pictures!

Asking what we can learn from sexual arousal, the book takes an incredibly raw and thought-provoking look at community, queerness, fetishization, trauma, and hope. The book tricks you into reading theory by sandwiching it in erotica. Or maybe it tricks you into reading erotica by sandwiching it in theory? I don’t know anymore...

I decided to go with an indie press that believed in the book and its transformative potential. But it means we don’t have the marketing budget of Penguin et al. I really need your collective help with spreading the word about it. Because it could benefit so many.

Early readers told me it’s a book that unmakes you and puts you back together piece by piece. It hurts, it troubles, and it nourishes. It gives voice to truths that were hidden deep in your bones. That’s how I felt writing it, and what I hope I get to share with all readers. I was using the expression “academic smut” to describe the book, but someone said it might be better called “smut therapy.”

I’ve joked a few times with friends that this is a book best read one orgasm per chapter. But it has more than a grain of truth to it. I do believe that we can learn from arousal, instead of seeing it as the antithesis of knowledge. Don’t disavow the truths of the body.

The book is an ode to the messiness of human experience. I wrote it as a way of healing and of connecting with others. While I foremost wrote it with other queer and trans people in mind, everyone can see themselves in this book and gain from it. We all share in humanity.

This year has been rough, between the intense harassment, death threats, and hate hitting really close to home. Knowing that this book was coming out has sustained me. Knowing that I would have this moment of community, of shared passion, has been a balm on those psychic wounds.

Once you get your copy, post pictures and share your impressions as you read under the hashtag #GenderFucking. You can also tag me! This book is a journey. You will feel deeply. You will have many thoughts. Some challenging, some cathartic, some freeing. All worthwhile.

You can also help me out by posting reviews on Goodreads and Amazon. If you want to write a longer review for a blog or a magazine, or suggest it for review at your favourite newspaper or magazine, that would be tremendous! All help spreading the word is truly appreciated.

Ignite the flames of passion and curiosity. Join me in embracing the raw, vibrant truth of our gendered existence.

𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤:

“This book is a light among a sea of uncertainty and darkness.” -Haley (spoonie.reads)

“This book aroused me, laid bare my trauma, and rang a bell deep in my soul. […] This book could change your life. It changed mine.” -Gwen Marshall, philosopher

“Transsexuality has never been sexier.” -Cáel Keegan, author of Lana and Lilly Wachowski: Sensing Transgender

“By introducing new ways of thinking about love, sex, relationships, and the impending future, this book meditates on the stigma against daring to have a body—and especially a transfeminine body—in public space.” -Amy Marvin, author of Laughing at Trans Women: A Theory of Transmisogyny

For longer reviews, head on over to Goodreads.

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐲:

Find a local bookstore in Canada by using the “shop local” function of this website.

For a partial list of bookstores in Canada and elsewhere.

For the ‘muricans among you.

[proxductions]

“Love you in any Other lifetime”

summary: You once loved him with all your heart, and he still loves you deeply. Unfortunately, there's a misunderstanding between you two. While you see him as a friend, he feels something more.

pairings: Regulus Black x Muggle!F!Reader

wordcount:_

warnings/notes: angst because I absolutely love it. also lol reg is gonna speak french here because I stand by the fact he speaks it

Our love never had a chance in this life, but I'll love you in any other lifetime.

‧͙

People called you different. Bizarre, peculiar, strange... the list could go on,

Sometimes you questioned how exactly and why Regulus Arcturus Black became your friend. your only friend, to be truthful,

While you hated your weirdness, Regulus saw your 'weirdness' and realized it was the most beautiful thing about you.

Regulus sometimes questioned how and why exactly he came to fall for you,

When you called his name, he would be there within a split second. When you needed something, he would give it to you without hesitation.

It was finally sweet summer. You both had graduated and left Hogwarts a while ago, and it was finally time for a much-needed break.

You and Regulus were going out to have a picnic in an open field. You couldn't be happier. You had a book in your hand called 'Little Women,' which was a Muggle book. You were eager to read and show Regulus the book.

“Oh, Reg, you don't know how ecstatic I am!" you said while laying the dotted black and white blanket on top of the grass and smiling widely.

"I can only imagine, Y/N," he joked, then sat down beside you. He tucked a strand of your loose hair behind your ear, but it went unnoticed.

"Years of Hogwarts and the unbearable stack of homework we've been given...gone! Finally!" you laughed while finally taking out and putting down the "Little Women" book.

Regulus only hummed as he looked down, seeming distracted and lost in his own thoughts.

"Anyway, I was thinking about going to Italy again to meet my cousins. Italy is such a beautiful place. I'll start with that, and maybe I'll live there," you said, but trailed off when you noticed Regulus seemed distracted. He wasn’t talking back.

You turned your head and looked at Regulus. He had a look you couldn’t describe. He looked sad, but at the same time, he wanted to say something.

At that second, realization kicked in. You were stupid for not realizing it yet. You were alone in a beautiful field, and he was the one who strangely suggested the idea for the picnic.

You were truly stupid for not realizing it.

"No. No," you started, getting up quickly.

Regulus quickly got up after you. "Non, non, s'il vous plaît arrêtez et écoutez, s'il vous plaît!" he exclaimed.

"Reg, no!" you yelled back.

"I have loved you ever since I have known you. Ever since you stepped foot on that train, please, just say those four words!" Regulus pleaded.

"I can't love. I've told you this-" you replied, feeling conflicted.

"I have loved you," he had started again as you began to back away from him. "For years- I've never stopped loving you, y/n. Stop and listen for a second! Arrêtez de bou- Arrêtez de bouger - s'il vous plaît arrêtez de bouger!" Regulus pleaded, trying to reach out to you.

"I am not made for you! I am a Muggle, Regulus, a Muggle!" you practically sob out the last line, feeling the weight of your differences.

"Je m'en fous complètement! I do not fucking care, I don't! Loving you is the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me! You have been my light in the dark. The only hope I have is you!" he screamed out as he grabbed a hold of your trembling hands.

"Regulus! I don't love you... I can't change the way I feel. I'm sorry!" you had finally said with trembling lips. That's when it finally hit him.

He let go of both of your hands and kissed his teeth, feeling the pain of rejection.

“You know I’m-”

"No, no. I understand. It's okay," Regulus declared, cutting you off as he started to walk away from you, like you did to him.

"I'm sorry," you said, now feeling the hot tears spill out from your eyes.

Regulus looked at you and ran his fingers through his curly dark hair.

"You know," he started shakily. "You still would've turned my head in any other lifetime. Our love never had a chance in this life, but I'll forever love you in any other lifetime," he said softly as he walked away.

You bit your bottom lip as you heard this. He finally turned to leave.

[mmikmmik2]

Book Two of Infinity Train constructs the passenger-denizen relationship as a metaphor for gender essentialism, in a form that especially reminded me of complementarianism.

To briefly explain my layperson's understanding of complementarianism: this is a theological/spiritual belief (I'm only familiar with it existing in fundamentalist Christianity, though it could exist in other religions) that men and women were created with fundamentally different natures because they are intended for different divine purposes. You see, it is the feminists who are truly anti-woman, because they think it is demeaning for a woman to be owned like property by her father or husband for her entire life, when actually that is God's sacred purpose for all women.

Although this exact formulation of gender relations is pretty extreme, and I think the actual beliefs are more specific and elaborate than I'm describing them here, a lot of the basic premises of complementarianism are widespread. Ideas like: At birth, everyone is assigned one of two genders, which corresponds to a fundamental existential difference in who they are and which traits are the most admirable/aspirational for them. In a romantic and/or marital partnership, there is a certain role for the man and a certain role for the woman. Men exist to do things and women exist to help them.

From The Black Market Car:

One-One: But always remember there are lots of denizens along the way to help you on your journey.

From The Mall Car:

Simon: You two are only as good as you are useful.

From The Number Car:

One-One: You're exactly where you're supposed to be. [...] No, you'll stay and keep helping. You're so good at it.

Can you see it? It's the idea that denizens, and Lake specifically, are supposed to be helpful to passengers. It keeps coming up over and over. Something that didn't even exist for Lake until they befriended Jesse - like because the two have a relationship with each other, Lake is suddenly defined in terms of relation to him, in a way that is deeply dehumanizing and opposed to the actual real bond the two of them share that exists outside of the passenger/denizen false dichotomy.

From The Map Car:

Marcel: One person guides. One person follows. It's a system. It's great.

This is the part that reads the strongest to me as about complementarianism specifically rather than just gender essentialism in general.

From The Lucky Cat Car:

Randall: Passengers get preferential treatment because they have a greater need to exit the car.

Jesse and Grace automatically getting more points than Lake at the fair is a super obvious reference to the wage gap, especially since One-One specifically brings up the wage gap later. I think Randall's comment here is a reference to the idea of the breadwinner - the conceptualization of the husband as needing to earn a wage that can support their entire household while the wife takes care of the kids.

I think it's pretty obvious how the gender essentialism interpretation of the passenger/denizen stuff lends itself to queer readings of Lake's character arc, and especially a trans/nonbinary reading. I mean, this season isn't about Lake being like "I hate the expectations that are put on me as a denizen", it's about them literally not being a denizen and literally escaping from the denizen/passenger relationship forever.

[runningwithfangs]

Vampire Chronicles Book Review/Rant #2

The Vampire Lestat

I think we can all agree, what a turnaround! So completely different from IWTV. I’m not sure what I was expecting, probably something more like a Midnight Sun (Twilight from Edwards’ perspective) or a Slayer Chronicles (to the Vladimir Tod series) Turned out to be more of The Saga of Larten Crepsley (to the CIrque du Freak series)(I was raised by vampire books, apparently).

Anyway, what a ride! About halfway through I was feeling a little frustrated that we hadn’t gotten to when he met Louis yet, but I was also having so much fun reading about this Chaos BisexualTM. So much happens, so many dumb Lestat adventures, Nicki, Lestat’s turning, Gabrielle, Armand and his coven, Marius, Akasha and Enkil, Louis and Claudia, Rockstar music video films, vampires ablaze out of nowhere! 10/10 Romp, I had so much fun reading this.

Lestat is so many things, he’s cheery and determined to brighten the day of those he loves, he’s been beaten and abused by his own family, he hopes and dreams like any young person, yet also deeply fears the meaninglessness of life itself. I can for sure relate. 

I also enjoyed the way it was written, easy and lighthearted, even in darker parts Lestat describes things with humor to mask the pain.

Favorites:

I appreciate when Lestat takes the time to describe the wonders of the modern world, what stands out to him, what doesn’t. He’s blown away by film, excited by women in bare arms, that even poor people could eat meat. In later books he’s so excited by pens that can write forever. Super interesting to think about, and the though experiment of “what would a vampire think of world through the ages” is one of my favorite things about vampire media.

Lestat and Nicki’s relationship is so cute! Their drunken afternoons in “the conversation,” they take turns comforting each other from their familial demands and expectations. They go to Paris and live in a shitty apartment while they work their asses off in the theater trying to pay rent. It’s almost like a CBS sitcom, but like, in a good way. It’s so devastating to me that Vampire Nicki ended up like he did.

Gabrielle, my love! What a queer icon. She cuts her hair, wears men’s clothes, even Lestat gets in on it, trying to find her the manliest jewelry. I think about the freedom female vampires must experience in this series a lot. Gabrielle clearly hated being a mom and wife and living in a crumbling castle. And now she is finally free, freer than any of her wildest fantasies.

When Lestat asks her if she had become a vampire first, wouldn’t she also send money and gifts to the family and keep caring for them, and she’s just like, oh psssh yeah, of course 😂 

Armand/Lestat being worsties.

Marius spending eons hiding Those Who Must Be Kept only to pick up Lestat, go: I like ya kid, you got spunk, let me spill all the vampire secrets. Only for the Most Special BoyTM

When we FINALLY get the 3 whole paragraphs about Louis and Claudia at the end of the book, it’s not enough, but what is there is lovely. “Even in his crudest moments, Louis touched the tenderness in me” “But I loved him, plain and simple” UGH, Anne PLEASE. 

Least Favorites:

Why did Lestat slip his mom the tongue 😭

Not enough Louis 😡 (Little did I know there would only be crumbs of him from then on)

Vampire Nicki 😣 He hated Lestat in the end and then Armand cut his hands off! He deserved better. 

Smutt:

Nicki and Lestat getting drunk and making out at the tavern! Love that for them.

I am NOT counting Lestat/Gabrielle kisses.

If I missed something maybe y’all can let me know.

Nonsense Meter:

Medium nonsense, I think. Especially considering the books to come. 

Lestat flying and SCREAMING at the Theater. Lestat showing up to the catacombs to utterly destroy the cult with facts and logic and “New evil for a new era.” Lestat giving into the intrusive thoughts to kiss Akasha and play her the violin only to nearly get killed by Enkil, and OF COUSE, the whole Rockstar Lestat thing, with the music videos and the song lyrics and the Halloween concert. 

Misc:

It was Marius’s fault for sending Lestat to go live a human life! Thank you/goddamn you.

I am confused by how at the start of the book Lestat is interested in rock, he goes to jam with Satan’s Night out and loves the attention that would come with being a rockstar, but it’s only after he reads IWTV and gets all upset about it that he decides he’s going to get Louis’s attention by becoming a world-famous rockstar. “I ached for him, ached for his romantic illusions [...] his physical presence.” But once Louis does find Lestat, not much happens.

I was so excited for the reunion once Louis find’s Lestat and his band chilling before the concert, would they fight?! Would they make out?! And it was. . .ok, Louis tries to warn Lestat, and they dance around their feelings, and that’s kind of it. Lestat doesn’t even ask about the book!

Then I was excited that Gabrielle (post-concert disaster rescue) got to meet her shit son’s ex-husband! Was she going to be disapproving (no one is good enough for her boy), furious about the release of IWTV, or maybe try to convince them to give up mortal world shenanigans and go climb waterfalls with her? Nope, we got nothing, just wondering if it was Marius setting all the fledglings on fire. Anne . . . I don’t get it.

[donpishya]

Okay, of all the posts on Napoleonic wars and America, why is no one talking about Ned Pakenham?

Been a bit obsessed with Wellington's brother-in-law: Edward "Ned" Pakenham, since reading the book "Tom, Ned, and Kitty". Really sad there isn't a lot of talk about him. Apparently, Ned and Wellington were SUPER close and Wellington put a lot of faith and trust in him in battle (Both were part of the Second Battle of Copenhagen and the Peninsula War.)

I like how the book describes Ned as "the darling of the family" and that "such a young man so tall so handsome so genteel is rare to be seen". He's described as having a sunny, optimistic outlook. Though he had no trouble showering praise on others, he'd often be too embarrassed to accept praise himself, even when he was made a Knight of the Bath (A SUPER high honor in Britain) for his valor at Salamanca.

It's funny how the book describes him as having "such a gentle, handsome face, with large expressive eyes and an almost girlish complexion" Like, apparently the dude was prettier than many girls (Wellington's marriage might've been better had he married this Pakenham instead of Kitty, lol)

Speaking of Kitty, Ned was actually the only reason Kitty and Wellington tried to get along, they both loved Ned and Ned always tried to help keep their marriage good. As soon as Ned died, so did Wellington's and Kitty's relationship.

Also, the dude really didn't tolerate depravity within British ranks. He was particularly harsh on soldiers trying to assault local women and always hated seeing unecessary destruction and civilians get caught in the crossfire of battle. Wellington always took comfort in Ned's chivalric nobility in the face of the deprivation he'd see on the war front.

Wellington was initially in mind to be sent to New Orleans, but it passed to Pakenham since he had more experience in the Americas. There are letters specifically detailing that Pakenham shouldn't worry about the treaty negotiations happening in Ghent and should take the Mississippi river so the American claim to the Louisiana territory could be contested.

Let me repeat that: PAKENHAM WAS ORDERED TO IGNORE THE TREATY NEGOTIATIONS SO THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS WAS NOT "POINTLESS". Besides, signing the treaty didn't stop the war, it had to get ratified by Congress in February, THEN it stopped the war.

Pakenham didn't want to go, sympathetic to the American plight, but an order was an order and he did as he was told. The failed attack on New Orleans was not really Pakenham's fault (honestly I'm not sure Wellington would've fared much better) since the British had already made several blunders before Ned's arrival and Jackson did everything in his power to put them at a disadvantage. The two-pronged attack he went with was a pretty smart plan, there were just unforeseen circumstances that got in the way.

Wellington had held Pakenham in high regard and was deeply saddened by news of his death, commenting:

We have but one consolation, that he fell as he lived, in the honourable discharge of his duty and distinguished as a soldier and a man. I cannot but regret that he was ever employed on such a service or with such a colleague... The Americans were prepared with an army in a fortified position which still would have been carried, if the duties of others...had been as well performed as that of he whom we now lament.

Even Andrew Jackson couldn't help but lament Pakenham's death and stated in a letter to Monroe:

Thereafter I saw Pakenham reel and pitch out of his saddle...I did not know where General Pakenham was lying or I should have sent to him, or gone in person, to offer any service in my power to render. I was told he lived two hours after he was hit.

Ned was never married. There is a memorial statue of him in St. Paul's Cathedral.

I only knew about Pakenham in the context of the battle of New Orleans. I've heard about him being a very honorable person, being made a Knight of the Bath and stuff.

I didn't know he was such a gentle and nice person, also being literally the only reason Wellington and Kitty trying to get together...🥺

It makes me sad knowing how he died on that battlefield...

At least there's a memorial statue of him, it's better than having nothing🥹

[bengiyo]

A Boss and a Babe Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, I was supremely annoyed by the noble idiocy of Cher deciding he needed to avoid Gun for the remainder of his academic career just to graduate with honors. Gun regressed, and that sucked. Somehow we will wrap up the Thyme plot this episode while also squeezing in as much fluff as possible.

Poor Gun. I will somehow find the words to describe how much a lonely gay man isolated by the passive homophobia surrounding him means to me. I've seen some disingenuous reads of his character, and it hurt.

Video game competition is hard. The amount of practice you need to do is unreal. I have played at very high levels and the level of preparation meets or exceeds that of physical sports. This is not a small victory at all. I am so emotional about them achieving this win while Cher was trying to graduate with honors and Jack was in crunch at work.

Very cost effective to announce their team's win via IG and then show them back at the cafe. I am unsurprised that Zo is the reason they won with a brave play. It be the weirdo on your squad that does that.

It is good advice not to burn yourself out turning your hobbies into work. I did that with D&D.

"Please don't do anything weird," is like the core of the Cher-Jack dynamic.

Real shit, I would be screaming too if something this gay and romantic happened at work.

I'm glad the second meeting with the mom is going well.

I'm glad they get to be cute in Cher's room again, but I still hate these socks they have Gun wearing.

I'm so glad they're talking through Cher's decision to run away, and Gun admitting he wouldn't have let it. I do hope Cher honors his promise not to vanish on Gun again.

That quiet, "I missed you," got me.

I hope Thoop is okay after all of this.

I'm hoping Cher stops calling Gun "Boss."

Three and Zo still thriving is clearing my skin.

Cher, a child of two generations of women running a restaurant, is burning an egg.

I love how shy Gun gets at being called "P'Gun."

I love this gamer friend group.

The boss should not be blowing up the gift giving like this lol.

Okay, this has been cute, but we have like two minutes left. What about Thyme?

Final Verdict: 7, There Are Good Ideas. It is so hard to be a fan of New Siwaj. I liked the deconstruction of the manic pixie dream boy trope by presenting it as a brave front for someone who is deeply hurt. I liked Gun being stern because of how cruelly he had been treated for his queerness. I liked Gun seeing Three and Zo as the ideal he wanted, and I liked the way Three and Zo treated each other. I liked the way Jack's mental health was treated as a health issue. Still, so much of this show just doesn't work together, and I do not know why Drake is in this show. The Thyme plotline has potential, but there's no resolution for it.

As usual, Force and Book are good together, and, as usual, we are hoping that Jojo uses them better in their next project.

It's a bit of a dud, but it started with such promise. I just wish New would pick one big idea and two supporting ideas to commit to in a project. There's always too much.

[so-i-grudgingly-joined-this-site]

Part 5: “It sure is exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero”: Should We Even Care?

Note: this is a part of my essay "The Awkward Meta-Tragedy of Neil Gaiman's The Sandman", see [here] for the masterpost of all links, reading order, and content warnings.

Now, of course, thus far I’ve been discussing events as if we’re meant to be at least somewhat sad that Morpheus apparently dies at the end, and especially sad if he died by suicide.  However, upon my reread of the comics in preparation for writing this essay, I hit a bit of a snag.  Are we even supposed to like him enough to care?

                It seems like Morpheus is supposed to be a likeable, if SEVERELY flawed, protagonist up until around Brief Lives.  Even though he sentenced an ex-girlfriend to 10,000 years in Hell unjustly, a huge point was that he was changing; he had the character development to realize his error and set things right in Season of Mists.  But then, in Brief Lives, we get his romance with the witch Thessaly, and the sympathetically-portrayed goddess Ishtar openly accusing him of misogyny.  And as of The Kindly Ones, if you consider his arc to be a straightforward suicide, you have him willingly letting his own subjects get slaughtered just so he can end himself.

                Now, Thessaly is unpopular, at least among the current tumblr crowd, because she’s apparently transphobic and her actions lead to the death of a well-liked and heroically portrayed trans character.  This has led to the semi-meme of “Thessaly is a TERF.”  However, that’s far too simplistic a way to describe how terrible she is.  She’s the epitome of the immoral immortal, living out of spite and anger rather than actual love for life, killing for fun, and putting her own interests above everyone else’s.  She’s a thoroughly unpleasant, violent, hateful person; even if she were written without the transphobia she would not be easy to cheer for.

                And according to Lucien, Morpheus may have been deeply in love with her.

                Well, Luce doesn’t say that in so many words, but he does state that Morpheus’ mourning when Thessaly dumps him is far more extreme, intense, and different from all of Morpheus’ other dramatic breakups.  He even states that Morpheus is being more intense about it than when Calliope left him in the wake of their son’s death!  A breakup after a couple-months fling hit him harder than a divorce of a decades-long marriage spurred by the tragedy of losing a child.  She meant that much to him.  Thankfully Merv is there to rebut Lucien’s observations, complaining that Morpheus “does this every time” there’s a breakup, but the reader is seriously left to question who to believe—the loveable but ditzy Merv, or the Dreaming’s head librarian and Morpheus’ closest confidant.

                If Morpheus was the most heartbroken ever over someone who’s basically a serial killer only out for her own gain, who he likely knew about going into the relationship, that doesn’t reflect well on his character at all.  His punishment of the serial killers at the Cereal Convention comes across as arbitrary and hypocritical, for sure.  It makes one wonder why he’d admonish Hob for getting into the slave trade (pre-character-development, no less!), if his own girlfriend is just as likely to use people in horrific ways.  Why would he be so broken up over killing Vortexes if one of his closest associates is downright eager to kill in the name of self-preservation?  Is it just “opposites attract” but written poorly? 

(Actually I could go on and on about how women in The Kindly Ones, Thessaly included, are prime examples of “women being obviously written by a straight white man”—the man in question being generally progressive doesn’t mean he’s immune to the occasional iffy writing—and how questionable their portrayals as characters are, but that’s beyond the scope of this essay.  It’s also likely an artifact from these books being from the 80s-90s and then-progressive tropes from that era not aging well.  For now, let’s just say that I side-eye that the evil immortal human just happens to be the female one while the good immortal human is male, and that the major forces that end up killing Morpheus/facilitating his suicide are all female…)

Ishtar straight up accuses Morpheus of being sexist towards women when he confronts her over the whereabouts of Destruction.  And, well, his treatment of his ex-girlfriends certainly doesn’t point towards him being respectful to them at least.  He cruelly discarded Alianora to live on a skerry when he tired of her, in addition to the infamous sentencing of Nada to hell.  The official analysis book The Sandman Companion even went so far as to suggest that Madoc’s treatment of Calliope was also indicative of Morpheus’ treatment of her during their marriage, with Morpheus also callously using her as inspiration for his dream-creations.  However, since Calliope herself emphatically says otherwise, I consider the Companion analysis to be near-offensively wrong and seriously question the other analyses in that book as a result (it was not written by Gaiman, for those wondering).  Morpheus also sure seems to send his inspirational abilities primarily towards male authors, but then again there’s not a large sample size in the text.  Besides Lady Bast and Mad Hettie (both of whom are notably portrayed as old/past their prime), the only women he seems to care about are either ones he’s related to, or ones he can sleep with, and in the case of the second category things go badly once he tires of sleeping with them (or if they refuse him, yikes).  One could easily argue towards Book!Morpheus being a canon misogynist, at least by 2020s standards.

(Another side note here: Thank GOD the live action adaptation made Lucien a woman.  Dream’s relationship with Lucienne finally portrays him as having a, for the most part, mutually respectful, presumably non-sexual, relationship with a woman who is neither related to him nor portrayed as old or undesirable.  Show!Dream might, just might, be able to respect women beyond the ability to sleep with them.)

And then there’s the sequence where The Kindly Ones rampage through the Dreaming on their way to the palace, brutally slaughtering all the whimsical denizens we’ve come to know and love throughout the story’s run.  If one assumes that Morpheus intentionally invoked their wrath in order to die, that means he facilitated all of their suffering on purpose.  Once again this paints him as a massive hypocrite; if seeing his realm in tatters after his imprisonment was so painful for him, why tear it all down on purpose?  Of course, “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” shows that he isn’t always aware of what consequences his actions might have, so maybe it somehow slipped his mind that this would be the consequence of his plan.

Um, anyways, what was I saying?  Oh yeah, so, Morpheus’ intense relationship with one of the least likeable characters, along with his general misogynist and jerkass behavior, especially strains potential reader sympathy for him, painting him as a hypocrite regarding his unambiguously heroic moments—which were already few and far between overall.  Then again, perhaps it is wrong to judge him as a “hypocrite” when he isn’t even human.  We don’t judge dolphins for the ways they treat other dolphins, after all. (They’re quite violent: look it up.)  Even though they’re intelligent and sentient and it’s unethical to keep them in a fishbowl, they’re so separate from humans that imposing any sort of human motivations to their actions is a failure. 

But yet, this series is a book intended for an audience of humans, so the human reader’s perspective IS important regarding Morpheus’ actions.  Regardless of whether he or the other Endless “should” be subject to modern moral standards is irrelevant to how we’re supposed to perceive them as subjects of the texts, especially when the culmination of the whole story is one of them dying.  The line between tragedy and comedy might lie solely in the audience’s perception of a character. 

There’s also the matter of narrative satisfaction.  If Morpheus is meant to be a villain, completely self-disposing villain isn’t satisfying, no matter how unsympathetic they might be to the audience.  Imagine if Palpatine just offed himself, with no intervention at all from Luke or Vader!  What would be the point of the story then?  If Morpheus is intentionally unsympathetic, is this some kind of meta ploy about storytelling expectations?  Like, we expect a sympathetic (if flawed) protagonist due to the first arc starting with him torturously imprisoned, but then he’s actually a complete villain protagonist?  Or, we expect to be cheering for him to change, but we end up cheering for him to die instead?  Is this an early case of the “subverting expectations” type twists where the only point is playing the audience?  (Admittedly, a work with such strong metafictional themes might be one of the few places where such subversions might be justified rather than contrived.)

Are we supposed to be glad Morpheus dies and is replaced, because he was what we might consider “an asshole”?  Are we supposed to be sad, because his more humanlike and relatable traits contributed to his downfall, and we see ourselves in his plight?  Both?  Neither?

Honestly, I have no idea.

Likewise complicating matters of “should we care” are two scenes from The Wake.  One is Fiddler’s Green refusing Daniel’s offer of resurrection because “death is the only thing that gives life meaning” and the other is Lucien’s insistence that nobody has died besides a point of view, because Dream of the Endless is an idea and you cannot kill an idea.  While I suspect that Lucien’s statement is supposed to be taken optimistically, when paired with the former scene it comes across as callous towards the reader and edges close to “we shouldn’t care because they’re not human” territory.  If nothing has died besides a bad or flawed point of view, then why go through the trouble of asking the reader to ever care about Morpheus?  Were we supposed to be rooting against him all along?  Is he just supposed to be the “bad side” of Dream of the Endless?  Should we be celebrating because nothing of value was lost? 

Is dying the only meaningful thing that Morpheus can even do, because it would make way for the positive Daniel to take over?

[deeplyridiculouslyinlove]

Okay I finished book 9! And I caved and used my audible credit for book 10, I don’t want to not have one of these books to listen to while driving and baking a ton the next few days.

As always, a collection of my takeaway thoughts is below:

- I despise the way the Aes Sedai are ���put in their place” by Logain this book, even if it’s a small piece at the beginning. I know those Aes Sedai are bad, but we don’t see bad men tortured into submission like this and it feels *so* gendered and *so* gross. And then they have one of them being so invigorated by being “taken” sexually by big and strong Logain when she can’t channel?! I have *such* the ick. That could potentially be a fine if eye-rolly plot point in a different version of the series, but within the larger universe that is the books as a whole and RJ’s writing it makes me deeply uncomfortable. It also comes across as sooo regressive - even powerful women really just need a strong man who has all the control, in fact they *want* that! But in a book full of regressive norms like “men are always stronger (even in magic controlled by your mind!!)” I shouldn’t be too surprised…

Relatedly, I hate how obsessed these books are with making Aes Sedai unable to channel. Especially because it’s basically always done by or in service to a male hero. Ick again.

- I wish Elayne had more of a personality - am I just missing it? I know a lot about how she acts (she’s a proper future ruler who also likes to swear, she’s clever and she likes to know how things work, she’s pretty and uses that when she wants something), but I can’t tell when she’s narrating a chapter versus one of the other women because I feel like she doesn’t have any sort of unique voice? And all I know about her emotionally is her obsession with Rand. We don’t even see her particularly upset about her mother being murdered?? And now she’s pregnant so we get another character trait that is about her relationship to other people and not her interiority, love it.

- Sorry to say it but it feels like cleansing the source was a bit easy. Everyone spends *books* saying it’s impossible, and Rand just goes “I’m going to do it” and does it. Does he ever face obstacles or does he succeed in everything he tries?? If doing huge things was this easy for other dragons why is the world broken lmao.

- Why does Rand need six babies? What is RJ’s obsession with multiples? All the babies we’ve heard about are twins.

- I’m predicting now that the show handles the Rand/Aviendha/Elayne/Min situation by doing a poly situation with Rand, Aviendha, and Elayne and letting Min be as queer as she’s being portrayed so far and as independent as she is initially in the books before she loses all her personality. Min’s statement that she sees Rand surrounded by three beautiful women doesn’t necessitate him having a simultaneous romantic relationship with all three, and in the show Rand and Egwene had a relationship so Egwene could be one of the three (or even Lanfear!). It also seems weird to me that Min would describe it that way if she was one of the women herself, and I feel like she has to see their faces at least somewhat in her vision to know they’re “beautiful.”

- The dog and cat gender divide with the Aes Sedai is silly, and not even close to an original enough framing of dogs, cats, or gender to be pressed upon us this frequently.

Overall, book 9 was fine, but I found it a bit slower than the previous books for whatever reason. I’m not sure if there’s just so many named characters I can’t keep track at this point or if I wasn’t super into the character development OR plot development that happened in this book so I felt sort of meh on it. I think I see why folks fall off around here now that I’m in it, but listening via audiobook is so helpful to keeping me going because like, I have to be listening to *something* as I live my life - I couldn’t possibly be alone with my thoughts!

[mixedkid-matchup]

you do not have to answer this!! I'm using you to confess my dubious feelings for the Percy Jackson series bc you also expressed like some weird feelings about it, and I kind of thought the series was untouchable bc of how much everyone I see fawns over it, and I have GOT to get this off my chest to someone who might get what I'm saying. But I have major issues with the writing/premise/series bc it's just feels so deeply colonized and it's bothered me since it FIRST came out and everyone in middle school and high school was reading it and teachers were assigning it. Like the whole premise for the Greek gods being in the US is that they follow Western "progress" and it completely disregards all the amazing things Indigenous did and our way of life, and also removes the importance of place-based culture for both Greek stories and Native peoples (like okay all the Greek stuff moved to the U.S. but wth happened to all our spiritual figures?? The story completelya cts like Native people weren't here and didn't have complex beliefs and ways of life connected to the land, and the gods were just free to take over here with no issues). As a mixed Indigenous kid it just rubs me wrong in all the worst ways and the academic systems love affair with Greek and Roman stuff and Rick Riordan's sheer popularity has been forcing this stuff in my face foreveeeerrrr 😭😭 I was surprised to see your tags about the fandom being weird before too tho since I don't interact with it, so I hope you don't mind this ask and just know I kinda feel the same way!! Ok thanks bye sorry for the rant.

BRO I HAVE HAD THIS RANT ON HAND FOR A LONG TIME ITS OKAY!!!!!!!!!

I THINK IF HEARD ABOUT THIS ACTUALLY. but you explained it way better. like when i first read percy jackson ok fine i was 11, i obviously caught onto the ableism and such but i did not catch onto this until i thought about it when i got older. you're super right. the whole thing about ww2 being caused by demigods was the weirdest shit ever i literally did not remember reading it until i read lightning thief again last year. why did hitler need to be child of hades. THAT IS QUITE LITERALLY HOW PERCY DESCRIBES HADES WHEN HE SEES HIM. LOOKING LIKE HITLER. then what you're saying how they move with the places that are the most progressive and basically take over..... like it's just ..... incredibly misplaced and insensitive.

but about the fandom being weird (its literally encouraged by riordan's book tbh), in heroes of olympus, hazel is a black girl from lousiana in the 1930s?? or 40s idk anyways i think she dies and then nico brings her back. whatever, everyone draws her lightskin and with orange hair, and super skinny, (which she's from louisana. shes darkskin and does not have "caramel" hair i hate white men sometimes.) and shes like 13 btw and in a relationship with frank whos like 16. weird as hell and everyone thinks theyre so sweet. and also rick cannot write meaningful young women. and especially not girls of color. like its WEIRD how piper is portrayed as some pick me girl she constantly feels the need to express shes not like the Aphrodite girls. and rick had to make it weird with aphrodite anyway by making them a whole stereotype of snobby boys and girls who love putting on makeup. they had drew, an asian girl & counselor of aphrodite, straight up mean to piper bc she likes jason. like for no other reason. drew only wants to participate and go on the quest because of jason. and other stereotypes like making leo, latine, be super flirty.

and lets really talk about how annoying annabeth was about the blondes are dumb stereotype because, girl we can talk about misogyny and people not letting you do things because of it, but lets also talk about how you are TWELVE, and the blonde stereotype is tired. i never liked annabeth, she was really tone deaf as someone whos half black. OH AND FRANK. they had this weird ass arc where they implied he was fat because of lack of confidence? like when he got confident he, lost weight... because of a blessing of mars? i dont even know.

like as i get older its more and more annoying to see it. i literally rolled my eyes when i saw rick talking about colorblind casting when people got mad about annabeth. he could of said anything else. how this could reconceptualize annabeth's arc around misogyny and now racism. and purposely alter her character to fit this new black annabeth. but no. people treat colorblind casting as a pinnacle of progressiveness.

[messier-47]

Hii !

So im deeply involved in your new merman story (i think i fried some braincell on the last chapter 🫣)

But i was wondering: how much research do you do for your writing ?

Because the moment on "how ink is gonna show under water" is very interesting. Or the concept of the merpeople skin sounds very "plausible". So yeah curious 👀

Im also completely in love with the description of Tobirama's drawing book 🫣♥️

Have a great day/night ☺️

Hello! I'm so glad you've been enjoying my mermay story! :D

"How much research do you do for your writing?" AHAHAHAHA can the answer be both "so much" and "not enough"? Take for instance the thought process of what mershark skin would be like and how ink would transfere into their skin/how ink would be perceived; it was a mixture of experience, basic skimming research, BS, and my favorite "logic" notions.

First, I did research on how sharkskin was actually like. I needed the reference words and an understanding of how it could be felt, seen, and described to better portray in a story. However true sharkskin is "rough" and if I wanted Tobirama to be all up on Mer!Mada without fear then I needed to change sharkskin with the use of "this is fantasy, i do what i want". Simple fix: what if the "teeth" were still present but smaller? Smaller but no less compact, biologically it should be possible that mersharks would evolution in such a way if "smooth skin" was seen as the more desireable trait to pass on.

Then I had to figure out how tattoo ink would work and luckily, I could rely on irl experiences. Not a tattoo artist, but I am..."pretty heavily" tattoo'd. Basic research from...five years ago? is used today and experience answers more questions. "How did you know about the white ink?" because I've had white ink applied to both my color and linework tattoos. "How did you figure about the color perception change underwater?" Omg I almost fucked that up. Except there came a point in writing where "Wait it's more logical for tobirama to first test pigments in the environment they would be most scene in."

Also! Did you know that color ink can be on an individual basis of what human skin can accept? Apparently, my skin hates pink cause it spat out $100 worth of pink ink! Thank goodness my artist was able to FILL IN ALL THE BLANKS with purple on the second appointment. luckily I am god so therefore mershark skin accepts a greater range of color.

But on the greater whole; research depending on the story GREATLY defers. "Of Fungi and Voyria" had me reading up to three books of mushrooms and mycelium. "F.U.B.A.R." is by chapter basis; i don't overlook an arc and then do the research for every single little thing, instead do the research on the DAY OF writing the exact scene (E.G. The Uchiha Women's rebellion or when I had to research C-Section operation in medieval setting).

On an even broader scale...everything I've ever done is based on the effort of extensive research. How do you write good smut? How do you write threesome? What makes invigorating storytelling? How should scenes, characters, situations be portrayed to be better understood? I'm not shy to say that I look at other people's writing -the good and the bad- and study all to see what works and what doesn't.

What are the latest trends in fandom? What does a fandom lack compared to others? What is enjoyable about the best authors in a fandom and how could their skill inspire my own writing?

There's a surprising amount of information to be found if brave enough to both ask the question, do the research, and notice patterns. :)))

(don't ask me what the current madatobi kink trends are because I got ANSWERS but no proof until I make a pie chart)

[houseofbrat]

Based on the excerpts released so far, Harry seems to have serious issues with older women. For example, the rude and dismissive way he describes his encounters with Princess Margaret. He basically calls her a stone cold bitch and is deeply offended because she gifted him a pencil with an eraser for Christmas one year and she glared at him (probably because he was being a jerk but he leaves this part out). His interaction with Angela Kelly about the tiara and the looks she gave him that made him “shiver”. Again, he was probably being a jerk. Him begging his dad not to marry Camilla. He was in his early 20s at that point. Blaming her for pretty much anything he can think of. I don’t know if it’s in the book, but we all know he treated QEII awfully during her final years, begging for money/perks, diminishing her and her role, etc. There are probably more examples but I don’t think it’s just anger or fear towards these women, it’s almost like hatred.

Again, it's all been written by Meghan. Meghan hates other women. It’s been established through the years of this saga. 

Harry is a high-functioning, developmentally/intellectually disabled man. 

When are the rest of the royal watchers going to realize the obvious?