#and i could go on and on and on

[persephoneflouwers]

Listen I don’t know how to articulate this in an eloquent way but remember that part in sunflower vol. 6 “I dont want to make you feel bad, but I've been trying hard not to talk to you”? It’s like he’s saying I’m trying to protect your solitude but it’s hard, first of all because it’s not something you just know. You have to learn how to create a space where two people in a relationship still feel like they’re their own person, if that makes any sense.

Secondly, because it is a contradiction, if you think about it. Being a couple, being in a couple automatically deletes your solitude state, unless you seek for it, unless you ask for it.

Third, it creates uncertainty when you’re young and in love and you have all these feelings inside your chest they might as well just explode out of your lungs, you want them, you want to be with them (let me inside, wish I could get to know you) and it doesn’t matter how many years have passed since you first got together. There will always be this perpetual urge of belonging to someone that pushes you to just be around each other all the time, to know what’s happening, to worry about them and to take care of them. It makes you paranoid and insecure to know they asked you to wait for when they’re ready to not be alone anymore. It takes a lot of patience and growth and trust to just let them be and live on their own, you know? It’s probably the most selfless act of them all, even when that’s not what you would want (my eyes want you more than a melody, I couldn’t want you any more/I don’t want to be alone in golden).

And I could go on and on and on about how well this concept fits his entire discography.

I could mention Satellite’s «You got a new life, Am I bothering you? Do you wanna talk? Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in. I can see you're lonely down there. Don't you know that I am right here?».

Or Daylight’s «you got me cursing the daylight»

Or Canyon Moon’s «I’ll be gone too long from you»

Do I have to mention Adore you? ALL OF IT? Alright, I will: «You don't have to say you love me. You don't have to say nothing You don't have to say you're mine, honey. I'd walk through fire for you, Just let me adore you»

In conclusion, loving him is the antidote, solitude included.

[Such a huge development from Sweet creature’s «I always think about you and how we don't speak enough» by the way]

[ananke-xiii]

Epilogue: the Grim Reaper and the Sol Invictus.

My series about resurrection is over but I felt like I needed to “end” it by tying up the loose threads of my “Billie won theory”. I wanted to post this epilogue on the day of the Winter Solstice because I started this resurrection madness around the time of the Autumn Equinox so I thought it’d be cute <3.

As I’ve repeated many, many times, in this retrofitting fantasy of mine Billie and Chuck’s actual conflict is over the power of resurrection. There are rules in this universe that must be followed (and even bent if necessary) because the natural order must be preserved. For the majority of her time on screen Billie is strictly associated with rules as she seeks to contain damage for the sake of Order. She very much believes in Order but, for at least 4 seasons, she doesn’t want to take over it. On the contrary, Billie wants to re-establish the power of Death in the narrative. Thus, resurrections must be contained, controlled or even stopped. This is the “a place for everything and everything in its place” credo. Figuratively speaking, she wants stories to stop changing and start ending as they’re supposed to.

Chuck also knows about universal rules and he wants (or so he thinks) “his story” to end but he wants it to end the way that he had planned. He tampers with the rules of Time as he pleases but he doesn’t have complete control over them. He can control Time/the story up to a certain point. In the end, he rebels against the laws of the natural order but he’s also aware of his limitations and knows where he has to comply with them. He’s not omniscient nor omnipotent, he “just” has a very considerable amount of knowledge and power. Ultimately, however, he can write as many drafts and books as he wants but he can’t write the Death Books. Since his story never ends the way he wants, Chuck uses resurrections (or, rather, most of the time people doing the resurrections for him) as a tool that allows him to start anew. In a way, he keeps retelling “his” story and never allows it to end because he wants it to end the way that he wants.

Interestingly, the “resurrection as power struggle”- angle shows a side of Chuck-as-character that I hadn’t noticed before and that actually gives him more depth: Chuck is a rule breaker. Don’t worry, he’s no Robin Hood in this fantasy of mine because he’s a sly, slimy, treacherous disruptor of Order but it’s important to notice that he’s not the Order. But neither is Billie. In Billie’s mind Chuck is “just” another disruptor of the natural order who needs to be eliminated while she “just” happens to be the one who needs to clean up after his mess. On a very practical level She was right but… was she right?

I think that in her role as Death she had the right to re-claim her centrality. Literal death obviously kept happening on the show so that wasn’t the actual problem. In this resurrection fantasy of mine, the problem is that Death has lost its symbolical meaning. Resurrections, at a certain point, must end or, as Cas said, they might start feeling like punishments rather than chances. What’s gone, what’s past, what’s not there anymore must eventually be freed and let go. Otherwise resurrections risk to become ways to stay disconnected from reality. This doesn’t mean that the past will be forgotten, just that it needs to be unlocked and transformed. It comes a time when retellings must stop and people must face Death in its symbolic power, that is “the Great Transformation”. The highlight here is more on the word “Reaper” than on the word “Grim”: reaping is a very Life-related activity, wheat must be reaped so people can eat. It’s an image of abundance, reward and… success. It’s about continuing free from the chain of the past and about being ready to write something new.

On the other hand, in her role as Billie she got it all wrong. I can’t really pinpoint where the change happened but her character changed somewhere in S15. From a smart, scheming, enigmatic character she becomes this reactionary villain who wants to take over God for the sake of power. She’s convinced that Dean is her ultimate enemy (he’s very much not), consequently this makes her act blindly and a bit stupidly, imo. She had been using Dean since she brought him back in S13, the two even agree on a lot of stuff, she knew he was an important pawn. However, at the very last minute, Billie says that Dean is “human disorder incarnate” showing that, much like Chuck, she didn’t understand Dean at all.

Or, perhaps, this change in her attitude was the result of Chuck’s goading? To be honest I don’t know, I don’t quite understand her character’s change from rules-oriented to Order-oriented and I haven’t been able to find ways to retrofit this into my fantasy, lol. Taking over Chuck in order to become the new God doesn’t really make sense compared to the way she had been previously written. Maybe some important plot-point is eluding me right now, it could be, but I’m pretty sure that even Old Death knew that one day God would be reaped. Even as a reaper Billie knew about this and in S11 she says that she was close to reaping God. To me this pretty much establishes Death as something, if not necessarily bigger than God, definitely closer to how the natural order operates. Of which God is just a part of, like everybody else.

Honestly, to me, it totally makes sense that she wants to stop resurrections and wants to eliminate Chuck but it doesn’t exactly make sense that she wants both to become the “New God” and to go back to how things were. How things were when? From the Shadow’s and Sam’s words it seems to be an imprecise point in time before S4, but why would Billie-as-character want to restore that specific time is unclear to me. It seems very arbitrary. Perhaps what really changed the narrative was Dean’s resurrection in S4 (of which, incidentally, Castiel is key). Before (and after) that resurrection was possible but it came with a high cost since it was mainly done via demon deals. Dean’s resurrection, on the other hand, defies the rules of the natural order and establishes angels and Chuck as despotic and unruly towards its laws. Angels believe in prophecies that are never fully written, in Apocalypses that are constantly disconfirmed, in a God who’s sold them a lie: they want Time/the story to end as He promised them but Time/the story itself seems to have other plans. Clearly.

Again, according to the Shadow’s words, after becoming the New God, Billie would’ve killed anybody who got resurrected. Why? As a character she was written around the idea that she could interfere but she wouldn’t actively do it: just like Chuck, Billie was used to bend the rules by proxy in order to course-correct stuff. Things going off-script or “wrong” is not news to her. What’s important is minimizing damage and avoid huge escalations. As I said, it was her right and her actual job to do so.

I’m sure I’m missing something here but from what I remember Billie sort of turned into a “crazy villain” for no real reason. The funny thing is that the show itself reveals this contradiction when Sam and Dean thought that she was the one making people disappear while she wasn’t. And OF COURSE she wasn’t because if it was just about killing the resurrected people or the people from the AU she could’ve done it… any time? Before? Whenever she fancied? But she didn’t because that was not the real problem. Like, that was a concern of hers for sure, but it was clearly never her first goal. I feel like the show contradicted itself here but okay, let’s just label this as a “me problem”/ “I don’t remember stuff issue” and let’s move on.

Whatever the case may be, that happened and I’ve written a bit about my “Billie won theory” because, eventually, we see exactly what she wanted, i.e. a return to the “good old days”, back to when God wasn’t in the picture and where angels got back to where they belonged. The world stays the same, the world of hunting stays the same, Sam and Dean stay the same and then they die. There’s no mention of the other characters, there’s just Sam, Dean, the Impala and John’s journal. There’s no transformation. As a matter of fact, death is so literal in this back-to-factory-settings world that even former-god Chuck’s ending is very mundane: he’ll grow old, get sick and die. He’ll be forgotten and no one will care about him. Like everybody else. The highlight here is more on the word “Grim” because this is very sad, austere and sterile.

So Billie won as a character but lost as a symbol. The reversal happened to her “enemy” (who wasn’t actually Chuck but Castiel): Chuck lost as a character but won as a symbol.

As Chuck, the character and the writer, he lost because he didn’t get the ending he wanted: the first born doesn’t kill the second born, the father doesn’t kill the son. He doesn’t even get to experience “death by Dean” (which, I fear, he would’ve morbidly enjoyed) because Dean believes much more in Cas than in the hatred he has towards Chuck. It’s total defeat. Much ado about nothing. The story ended but it didn’t end like he wanted. As “Absent Father” he also lost because… well, turns out he wasn’t exactly absent, rather invisible. As a matter of fact, Chuck is found to be a rather invasive and intrusive Father/writer.

 As God… well, as God He wins as “Sol Invictus”, “Invincible Sun”. His power still circulates in the universe via his nephew, aka His tradition continues. Jack might have restructured it but His structure of power (aka the Patriarchy), Heaven vs Hell, is still preserved. If you obey and follow the rules you’ll go to Heaven, if you disobey and do what you want you’ll end up in Hell. Supreme Invisible Invincible God stays invisible and invincible because we see Jack dissolve into nothing after having claimed that he’ll be in everything and everyone. It should sound poetic, instead it gives very creepy, panopticon vibes. There’s no more prison in Heaven but people on earth who have questions will have to suck it up ‘cause Jack ain’t staying around to give answers, folks.

I’m making this comparison because Winter Solstice was/is the celebration of the Sun that never dies, the invincible sun. It’s an old myth that doesn’t want to die while it should, I think,  because… everything ends… in order to continue. The idea of an invincible power that will win every enemy, of a constant growth that will know no arrest, of lands that will never know the setting of the sun because the empire will be limitless… In other words this myth, I think, is actually about the fear of endings which, in turn, signals a bigger, comprehensible, human fear, that of literal death. But this fear, I think, causes so much harm and makes people live miserably and predicates on such an exploitative system (the patriarchy that, in my personal view, is rooted in the terror of literal death): there must be souls that go to Hell to be tortured and in pain forever in order for other people to experience fake-peace in Heaven. There must be souls that are very “good boys” and follow the rules in order for other people to “fuel” the pits of Hell. And there must be “in-between Things” like monsters, demons and angels who go somewhere else after death, away from human souls because they’re the Other that must never be met. Even in the after-life. If you think about it, Jack’s Heaven is just like Earth without monsters and demons and where angels benevolently watch over souls. It’s a naïve dream.

It’s therefore fitting that Chuck-as-character’s ending will be a human one, that is a certain one. Chuck will literally die like every other human being. He couldn’t fathom “his” story’s ending but he knows for sure how his own actual story will end. Chuck-as-God, however, is alive and kicking and it’ll continue to live inside everyone (brrrr). Billie-as-Death dies too and, with Her, the possibility of Death as Transformation, as change, as novelty. As a way to start dealing with literal death with awareness and compassion. Billie-as-character, however, lives on because things bleakly do get back as they were before. Death is, therefore, literal and final but God is symbolic and re-booted.

In this retrofitting imagination of mine, this is why Dean’s refusal to be brought back is so undeniably sad and feels... wrong? The way I see it, he “accepts” literal death (which, to be honest, was unfortunately never the real problem for him but I digress) but “rejects” the possibility of change. What the story is telling me is that Dean must accept his ending in order for Sam’s story to continue and… like… to me this is a big no and it’s unfair to both characters. The “key” for Sam to access “Normal life” is… Dean’s death? What? This is such an old-school type of ending for a show that was so meta and played so much with its material. It's storytelling nostalgia.

Dean’s literal death and refusal to be resurrected allows Sam to enter the Earth-version of Heaven, the blurry, nostalgic world of the undefeated Sun, aka the Patriarchy (well, its normalized, accepted version anyway since the hunting world wasn't that much different but it was, at least, a critique of that other, imagined world). In the end, then, The Grim Reaper stays grim and the Sun stays undefeated. Both the retelling and the story end.

This is where my resurrection series and my “Billie won theory” end. I wish I could give you a better ending but the power of my imagination fails to turn this show’s ending into something else than what I personally took from it. What I can share with you is what I would’ve liked.

So: the way I see it, everything ends but everything transforms and continues, too. This is why, I think, I would like more stories where Death is symbolic rather than literal and where Power (God) is deconstructed in favor of complete change and total newness rather than a return to how things were/are supposed to be. Perhaps there’s something to learn from Apocalypses: we need to imagine endings but since these are just imagined endings we can potentially end… and start anew… anytime we want.

Cyclicality, as I currently see it, is not a life sentence but a way to explore endless possibilities.

Resurrection, to go back to my main theme here, is a powerful tool of love and disobedience, a wonderful way of travelling through Time/the story and dimensions but, one day, we must be courageous enough to do the final act of Love which is… to integrate the past, let go of it and then… continue. Because we’re finally free from our past conditioning, we can see ourselves for who we really are. Our old, constructed, conditioned self finally dies and a new one is born from its ashes. To continue the journey. To co-write our story. To be co-authors of our life.

To use a myth about a failed resurrection as reference, there will be a time when Orpheus' Love, that's already made him capable of walking between dimensions, will be so strong and he'll have such faith in It that he won't care about gods' rules and about his own internal fears, too. A Love so strong that he'll be certain that Eurydice is with him as he continues his journey moving beyond Death and back into Life. He won't look back but he will nevertheless disobey because he will choose not to look back out of Love, not fear.

Or, perhaps, there'll be a time when Orpheus will look back at Eurydice because he Loves. And because he Loves he'll disobey the rule: he will look back in order to look at his past one last time to say his goodbyes. And then continue.

Or maybe there will be a time when it's Eurydice who stops and asks Orpheus to disobey and turn.  She'll tell him that she doesn't want to follow, that she doesn't love him and that he has to let her go if he really loves her. And so Orpheus turns to look at her one last time. And they say their goodbyes.

There are so many possibilities! Stories, myths are repetion and creation that shape our identities! The key is that we can change them, we can imagine new stories to help us make sense of ourselves, to shed light on our hidden, dark corner or even just to look at these corners, contemplate their obscurity and let ourselves be fascinated by complexities and differences. They're here exactly for that!

In other words, I don’t want stories to return but to transform. “Re” is a prefix that indicates reiteration while “trans” means going beyond. These are two different kinds of movements and I prefer the latter. As I’ve said, Resurrections must end too before they become Restorations, nostalgic attempts to bring back the past as we would have liked it to be. I also don’t want stories that “return” to their origins by virtue of sterile narrative techniques rather than via said power of transformation. Briefly put: let me see characters deal with trauma, come to terms with it and finally heal from it in a way that doesn’t mean literal death nor a return to a “golden time” that never was that much golden (otherwise there wouldn’t be any trauma to begin with). Maybe other people don’t agree with me but this is the kind of story I’d like to see more of. The way I see it, in Supernatural (together with other shows that are about destiny/free will) the transformation was taken literally and the ending meant death. The same structure of Power that made the characters suffer stayed the same as things went back to how they were to an imagined “before”.  Paraphrasing my girl Billie/Death, the show said “they died and then they got their happy ending in Heaven” but… “I say… you keep… living”. And changing. And continuing. And going beyond.

Happy Winter to one hemisphere and… Happy Summer to the other!

[itsjaywalkers]

What are regulus turn ons

james manhandling him + james whimpering and acting all needy + james putting his hand on his thigh (both because he wants to touch him and because he's possessive like that) + james getting angry (not at him) + james fighting (physically and not with him) + james grabbing him by the back of his neck (this is oby specific mil knows what i'm talking about) + james in shorts or crop tops (the more skin he shows the better)

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[bookwyrminspiration]

god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait

[yardsards]

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

[theblob1958]

people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.

[frenchublog]

kosovo miku

[seraphtrevs]

STOP no more live-action remakes. We're going the other way now. Animated Casablanca. Animated The Godfather. Animated Oppenheimer. Animated Fight Club.

[cowboysmp3]

there’s something sooo sickening about how dunmeshis whole energy is like sometimes something terrible and awful happens to you and it changes you forever and nothing can make you the person you were before but there’s still love and there’s still sharing a meal together and there’s still living

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[samuelroukin]

so many ways a character can be dog-coded. stray following someone home and begging for scraps. old and needs to be put out of its misery. attack dog. guard dog. lap dog. puppy that pees on the carpet from excitement. shelter dog just happy to finally have feet to curl up on. unsocialized that bites anyone trying to show kindness. silly goofy puddle monster. obedient until the leash comes off

[inbabylontheywept]

bad dating stories time: the shoe incident

so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.

at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.

he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?

and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.

but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.

i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?

(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)

and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.

i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.

that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.

i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.

anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.

i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.

we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.

he was okay at it.

eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.

soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.

realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:

"i can't get pregnant"

which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.

still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"

and then i was in my car, and i drove away.

if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.

and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.

WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.

we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.

do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.

and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.

then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.

and then they started making out.

i was close enough to hear it.

i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.

so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.

now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.

so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.

about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.

my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.

my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.

they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?

and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.

[puppydayy]

Intox kink go brrrr