#and i could do it completely online...
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hmmm why does this bookkeeping course look good...
#.evature#and not only that#it's mostly for free#id only have to pay student service fees which isnt that much even in the grand scheme of the course#and i could do it completely online...#wow.#i am doing my undergrad degree rn and i love it#but i think itd be good to know this too#but i have to actually look into it and come up w a plan if i decide to do both at the same time#which ill probably do if i decide to complete the course#ah!! it would be so fun actually#i feel really excited!#i also need to look into management of information systems and data analysis and#I NEED TO JUST DO IT!!!!!#rahhh#this year is going to be crazy for career development#and i want a part-time job#okay: part-time job#full time uni#online tafe#DAMN#ill b so busy 😭😭😭#and ofc time for friends#family#and personal hangouts
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on ��Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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the thing is, i don’t disagree that what and how you choose to write about things is a reflection of you, the writer, and cannot be divorced from your beliefs and biases. but to assume that anyone can perfectly pick out your beliefs from a piece of fiction you’ve written is an extremely weird and paranoid thing to claim, especially if you’re positing that the secret truth is that the writer is a dangerous person and they’re “revealing” that through fiction that upsets you, personally. at the end of the day, the artist is not the art, and no matter how upsetting, no matter how much you dislike it, no matter how much it disgusts you, you don’t know the person who made it and you can only guess how who they are shaped what they made.
like, really, is it more likely that the secret “belief” that’s being revealed when you’re reading something that is really upsetting to you is that the author is a secret Bad Person™️ who wants all of this fantasy to happen in real life, or that the author knows it’s a safe and normal thing to create upsetting works of fiction and so did that.
#i think there is something weirdly parasocial about the kind of assumption behind a lot of stuff like this#the assumption that you *know* the person behind a piece. that you ever could. just through reading it.#you know. its the same sort of braindead media literacy that assumes all songs are about the singer’s personal experiences. it’s not that#simple. fiction is never a one-to-one reflection of anything.#always assume that every story you read. IF it reflect anything about the author. then its done so through several extremely heavy layers of#metaphor and flipping the script and talking about something completely different and obfuscating the point.#like. lord of the rings is very clearly a product of tolkien’s time in wwi no matter how he denied its allegory.#but would you be able to guess that if you didn’t already know tolkien served in wwi? just by reading the books? without any background#info at all? no. of course not. it would be ridiculous to take the books on their own without knowledge of the author and conclude frodo’s#experiences are direct reflections of wwi. that’s only a reading you can reasonably make *because* we know so much about tolkien#and you do not know random people online who write the stories you hate. and you never will. and you’re just going to have to live with that#and live with it without making the assumption that not understanding their methods means they’re dangerous. preferably not doing that.
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gooooood morning !!! ^.^ ooooooh it feels like a bit of a lazy day today for me zzz but i will do my best to get things done!!! i hope you have the strength and capability to get through whatever it is you wanna do today!!!
#cora will be online on the dash again :>#I DID END UP SLEEPING LAST NIGHT !! no panic attack!!! i had a weird nightmare about 6 ghosts telling me to wash my feet...#and then i was in a hotel room ordering indian food? w this girl who was very nice !!#i have to go to the immigration office today so i might have time to read and put some tags on some fics when i'm in queue !! i have been#missing doing that for all of you on here <33 oh i should probably maybe also write hehe ave has completed many of the reqs actually!!#(we do work on them together but i suck at ending reqs so she usually does that part !!) so i will help edit those soon too!!!#don't worry i did not forget about them!! we have just been sitting on them in case we wanna add smth but many of them are actually#completed like if we wanted we could probably post 3 of them alr buuuuuut idkkk i feel like smth else will come to us in a bit...#ok i have yapped too much whoops!!!#cora talking#i hope you have a lovely day or night!!!#thinksies i will have instant noodles w my mom this morning... mm
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Nancy Wheeler the shoujo manga protagonist you are what with your love triangle and everything about you my pookie <3
#the fake shoujo manga chapter divider in a shoujo magazine is complete!#this took me like three days to finish and needless to say I’m proud of it 😌#ok maybe apart from Steve I’m not too happy with how he came out#everytime I draw his s1 hair apart of me wants to explode cause of how confusing and hard it is to draw#I imagine that this (fake) manga starts off as a regular shoujo romance but slowly escalates into a sci-fi horror#I’d like to thank Betsumas online archive for giving me references of shoujo from the 80s and 90s#ngl this would have flopped without it#I took some inspo from the many different art styles I saw in my betsuma refs and added aspects to my already pretty anime style#I also stylized Jonathan’s hair differently to how I usually do it to go more in line with how I think it would be stylized#in an actual shoujo#same with Nancy too#I also did more softer shading and tried to make it look watercoloury as alot of the shoujo mangaka I like use it for more fancy art#in relation to their work#i don’t think it comes across that way but hey it was worth a try!#I’m either proud of the title of this fake ST manga or ashamed of it idk I can’t decide#anyways I might do a part two to this? idk it was originally my intention#hope y’all enjoy!#stranger things#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#steve harrington#barbra holland#jancy#I’ll add the jancy tag cause this piece has the pairing in subtext (lmk if i should remove it at all cause this isn’t an obvious jancy thing#)#cw eyestrain#tw eyestrain#<-adding these tags cause I think this could cause some eyestrain
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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Eveeytime I come across a YouTube video I've previously left a comment on I have to go find my comment and delete it because I'm scared someone will use it as a starting point for reading my mind
#also why i used to not be able to post about watching films or where i live#and why my black oit curtains have to be closed all the time#ive had them open recently so that the outwide light would help me wake up in the mornings#and it's made getting to sleep awful. i cant relax like this#it used to be worse when i was closer to the window. id have to stay completely still every night#so that someone looking through couldn't see me#but even right now i know that at the right positioning the wall doesn't stop anyone from seeing me either#and i know they're watching#my worries on the matter are getting bad bad again#which.... my understanding of the situation hasn't ever stopped but at times i feel morr comfortable with it#and I wish i could feel comfortable with it again#but it's genuinely difficult to leave my house or leave my room or go online or message people or have opem curtains#or just do. anything#i used to sit or lay down or nap in the shower for funsies#past two months i have had every shower sitting down because there's too much open space when I stand#and every time im in the bathroom but not showering i have to pull the shower curtain across#smaller areas allow for less chances of people being able to access the time jumble#stopped cleaning my room cause when it's clean there's more space#but i get stressed out about how people still jnow my room is a mess because it's not enclosed enough for them to have zero access#i want them to stop knowing about my life it's not fair
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the thing with anonymous asks is that you are choosing to participate in a trade off willingly. The pro is that if you say something stupid I can't hold a grudge against you personally, because I don't know who you are. The con is that if you say something stupid I will be ten times meaner to you than if I knew who you were. you sacrifice the mortification of being known for the risk of pissing me the fuck off, and that's entirely on you
#like if that ask had come from a friend I would've known it was a joke and I would've said smthn joking back#but bc it came from not even a stranger but a completely nameless faceless online entity how the fuck do you expect me to know it's a joke?#like you could have at LEAST used tone tags#I refuse to feel bad about this. you brought this on yourself anon
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"why is my fave actor still in a dumb franchise 😢" there's this lil important thing called CONTRACT LAW where, if you are 22 and you sign up to do say 11 movies in a franchise (*cough* Sebastian Stan), but the contract doesn't say when those movies will release....you could still be stuck in that franchise into your 50's
"oh, they really love the franchise that's why they're still in it 🤡" could be, or could be they signed their life away to it and have little choice. if they rely on the franchise for their income---a number which can go up or down---they better not talk trash
"why would such a good actor pick such a stinker film???"
they read an amazing script, signed up to be in the film, but NO LAW says the studio cannot completely change the script, their character, and everything else about the movie after they've signed
they heard that an actor/director they like will be in it, or were directly asked to join by someone on the project they respect
they genuinely need the paycheck (which CAN be protected by law) the same way other people work at McDonald's
they wanted to try something new (some actors do get bored, guys)
they prefer indies where the managers are dedicated to the craft not the box office lottery
shockingly, their every move is NOT dictated by strangers on the internet, aka fans
#sebastian stan#chris evans#tagging them specifically cuz of that one ignoramus being cross posted from twitter#seb stan signed an 11 film contract back in 2009#it is 2025 and he has completed roughly 6 marvel films#i heard that cameos and after credits scenes don't count#i think he agreed to the tv show bc they said it could count as one of his required films#he legit said “dialling it in” about his portrayal in that show#chris evans meanwhile has always and will always do whatever feels fun to him#he has stated multiple times he is more concerned with real life and spirituality than fiction#and clearly wants to make an impact on society that isn't as a Hollywood pretty boy#yet all fans see is a Hollywood pretty boy yo shut up i hate his fanbase#how toxic yall got when he finally tied the knot#that boy been openly aching to marry and have kids for years#and every time he fell in love fans would ROAST her so hard online and sexualize him like he existed for them#y'all can choke#same goes for the slurs on sebstans last girlfriend(s)
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little lord cottonball gazing down from his ominous perch
#cats#Actualyl very too stressed and tired to type much in the tags for once as I typically do lol#I have many appointments this month and other things plus like 3 projects I'm trying to finish so... eughhghh#I actually have like 5 outfit pictures orsomething nearly completely ready to post on here and plenty of like#Content or things I could be posting to keep up some semblance of being a Normal Social Media Using Person but#idk.. i have to be in a very specific mood to post online lol.. a very vague conceptual state#It does not come naturally to me at all especically when I'd rather be off in my own world doing whatever like organizing rocks#and rolling little balls of clay and thinking about fantasy elven religions and etc.#like when stressed out so on and so forth... so I actually have to force myself like 'hey... remember.. you did an outfit.. POST IT' etc#ANYWAY...#a beauntifulle little cat image...
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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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There needs to be more nuance in how people view the situation but the internet doesn't allow for that.
#georgenotfound#the thing is though is that the internet as it is rn is completely black and white so that's not gonna happen#'non-verbal consent is not consent' it absolutely can be in certain situations#if you cuddle for hours and seem comfortable doing it and reciprocate by coming back and showing positive body language l#then yes putting a hand on the waist of the person you're cuddling with isn't a heinous crime#social context is very important here#context in general is very important here#i just feel like people forget how the real world operates sometimes because the internet's view on stuff like this can be so polarizing#especially in a community as young as the mcyt fandom#that being said#caiti's feelings are completely valid#george can be innocent at the same time#i just wish people could look at this logically instead of being so chronically online all the time#instead of throwing around the assault word and hoping that gets them internet brownie points#idk this is so stupid catie's friends made the situation 1000x worse by publicizing it the way they did before catie could even try and#resolve it privately
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I don't know if I have "active" followers here or anywhere else that might notice changes on my post schedule, but it might have become obvious that my art posting has slowed down to drip-feeding.
TLDR I've developed a pretty hefty boy of a burn-out.
I'm doing fine, i've been trying out different hobbies and i do draw as much as my energy levels allow me, but as someone who has pretty high standards for what deserves to be posted, it's nothing I've shown around.
Currently i'm concentrating most of my creative energy into client work and finishing personal art that's been left in wip limbo. I'm hoping to open up small scale public commissions later this year if I get everything else finished, mainly to see how well I can handle it. Can't promise anything though.
This was just a general update, for anyone who might care. I'm doing good.
#wub muses#blog update#also ive almost completely stopped using twitter i do not enjoy my time there at all#if i dont have art to post i dont like making noise online hence i dissapear often lately#i could talk about my new hobbies i guess? i got into reading terrible fantasy romance books its great the books are so bad
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The absolute BETRAYAL I felt today when my mom and I went to Cracker Barrel and I was reminiscing about how they used to sell Webkinz there and how they don't sell them anymore and I don't think they make them either. But then THEN I go to show her the abomination that is their 'new' Webkinz site and I see on the classic banner underneath that there's a GENET ON THE THING? So I'm like "are they still making these things???" and I look it up and find a list of 2025 releases. Among them a genet, a turtle, a horse, and a cow that are all so cute and my mom and I were both ready to buy if they were plushes. Entirely virtual. Not even a plush.
#the whole POINT of webkinz was having a little friend to hug and then go online and play with#what fun is it when you don't have the physical little friend!!!#what is the point!!#why did they ever change this#i permanently lost my original account but when i saw that genet i was ready to 100% make a new one if they had plushies again#my mom and brother could get their accounts back but all of us are so busy these days#they'd forget to log in like i did#i loved those things so much and i'm still heartbroken they just completely erase your account if you forget to log in for three months#i had a very large webkinz collection okay#i slept in a PILE of them every night#and i can never play with them online again ;-;#can't have the genet because i'm not paying for something i can't have a plush for#nobody likes the new webkinz and the lack of plushies just close down the site#all you're doing is preying on nostalgia...#probably delete later
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yknow what i wish i had more people i looked up to
#thinking about sempai/kouhai relationships#like genuine slightly more experienced to younger person relationships not romance#and like man i've always loved the idea of it#that if you have a little more experience you take care of and help teach those who come after#that when you're new you have people you can go to and rely on#like. american culture is So individualized that even entry level jobs expect experience its all about do it yourself#and there's no. reaching a hand out. or like i know there IS but#it's not broadly expected#in any case i've been out of school for ages and none of my jobs really even have any option for that kind of thing#which is where this frustration is coming from#like my in-person job (as opposed to my online where obv i have VERY little interaction even with coworkers)#the only other employees are two adults who've been doing this for ages#and i'm still learning how to communicate with them#and i just. i'm trying to respect them as my superiors but i don't particularly respect them as people#which feels mean but augh#our workplace doesn't give me a lot of room to like see what they're doing and learn from it anyway#i wish i had someone i respected in the admiration way you know#that i could actually see their work. in detail#so i could mimic and learn from them#and it's so childish and i'm too old to be like this#i should be a sempai to other people by now#but i'm so behind#and i'm a complete disaster at communicating with people younger than me lmao#i wish i could at least rest comfortably in my accomplishments but i have none#i wish i were someone who took good care of others but i know myself and my personality is the opposite: better at Being spoiled#and unfortunately i'm both unsuccessful and not trophy wife material#no choice but to do things on my own#if i can't have a partner to spoil me can't i at least have a close relationship with a sempai figure#parent figures don't count 'cause it just makes me feel/act more childish which is the wrong direction!#i'm gonna be embarrassed about all these texts posts later
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