#and i completely fucking failed at getting them to the vet today when i asked off from work

[theygender]

I wanted to get the cats checked out at the vet after the heat wave (they're acting totally fine now that we have AC but just to be safe) so I made an appointment and managed to get them both in the crates by myself bc the vet is only open during the hours that my gf works... Only to get them in the car and realize that the clinic is 30 minutes away from our new place, not 10-15 like I thought 😭 it's already hard as hell to get them both in the crates when I'm NOT already sick myself from the heat wave (on top of the fact that they're both uh cats, one of them is so big I have to take the crate apart and put it back together around him) and now it's gonna be even harder tomorrow bc now they're already gonna be expecting the crates when I pick them up and start carrying them to another room. Fuck 😭

[blahandwhatever]

Yesterday I woke up feeling relatively normal. Had a normal start to the day, not thinking about things too much. Finally went for a walk in Buffalo Creek, the sky full of departures - planes, birds, the sun. Got my first poke bowl in a while. Got a nice card in the mail from the vet and two sets of paw prints. I felt comforted.

Then my mother called to ‘check how I was doing’, and it killed me for some reason. Not for some reason, I know why. But I didn’t realize how fragile I still was, one emotional insult away from falling apart. My heart (literal, again) was fucked for the rest of the day; I felt awful and afraid. I barely got through work - where I got some unusually pain-in-the-ass feedback - and trudged through hours of attempted fun and peace. All the chores I was supposed to do were left undone.

Much as most of this situation is not about me, I deserved to be treated better than I was throughout it, and it makes me angry. The way my parents make every stressful and difficult situation more stressful and difficult. How completely they fail to be kind when it’s needed most. How easily they trample on their children’s feelings and dignity. How, even when we no longer live together, when our interactions are relatively few, and when I continue to engage with them solely for their sake and not mine, they still can’t be bothered to put in the effort to treat me well in those few hours or minutes. It makes me sick how much sickness I’ve put up with from these people, and that I’m still not free from it. They are so completely worthless - counterproductive - to my emotional well-being that it makes having a relationship with them feel absurd.

Even my mother’s ‘checking in on me’ felt insulting because I could feel the superficiality and insincerity of it. That the seriousness of my (and my brother’s) feelings for this cat is kind of a joke to her, and she looks down on me like a child - because it’s ‘just an animal’. Not to mention her lack of acknowledgment of her harshness and condescension to me in our previous interactions. And like. The mindfuckery of her conviction that she had the most selfless and pure intentions out of everyone, or the best understanding of his needs, when she had the least love and affection for him, no real bond with him, no actual interest in or knowledge about cats in general, and an active desire to not have to put up with his issues or the work and inconveniences he brought anymore that she had openly and strongly expressed.

And then she asked about me potentially visiting this weekend, which was the last thing in the world I wanted, and the obliviousness was kind of enraging. I stupidly said we’ll see when I should’ve just said no so I wouldn’t have to follow up with her.

And my father... he’s never been healthy under any kind of stress. No emotional management skills. He wasn’t the worst person in this situation - and got some unfair fire from my mother himself - but he was difficult and draining to deal with too.

Anyway. I've somewhat gotten over things, but I have absolutely no reason to want to talk to or be around these people anytime soon. Today I slept very long and made some mental and physical recovery, but I have a ways to go. I didn’t get anything done besides a bit of work. I thought I was ready to take on fuller workloads, but I’m not. I’m still so tired and unfocused and probably not doing the best job. So I’ll take it easy a bit longer. I’m lucky to have this flexibility, and enough financial security to be able to use it. I guess I’m lucky too to not be living with my parents through this situation - that would’ve been a nightmare. And maybe I can take some solace in the fact that this was the last shared responsibility we could have this type of conflict over. Aside from potentially my brother.

At night, people made some commotion outside again, and I didn’t want to panic about it but did hate it, do hate all noise and people outside the building at night always and forever.

[mochegato]

Truth Be Told

This night was not turning out how she had thought it would turn out… Actually, up until a few minutes ago, it wasn’t much different from how she thought it would go.  She hadn’t been holding out much hope for the guy Rose had set her up with.  They did not have similar vetting styles or criteria.  So despite Rose’s most heartfelt hopes, the date with an overly sugary prick, oozing with fake charm and inauthentic compliments, was a complete flop and yet completely expected. 

While that man was annoying, he was not the cause of her current frustration.  No the current frustration was the man that had attempted to grab her as she walked home, her stilettos in her hand, because truthfully, she’d rather risk the dirty sidewalks of Gotham than the pain and blisters wearing those for another twelve blocks would cause.

She’d kept an eye on the man for the last block as he followed her, getting slowly closer and closer in a vain attempt not to alert her.  Joke was on him, she was always on alert.  But she wasn’t positive he was actually a threat.  Lots of people in Gotham were creepy, it didn’t mean they were a threat. 

When he finally grabbed her arm, she twisted immediately hitting him in the face with one of the stilettos.  He screamed in pain, bringing his hand up to his face.  She took advantage of his momentarily distraction to run.  She was confident in her fighting abilities, but there was always a chance for him to get a lucky hit in and a fight avoided if possible was safer than a fight engaged… or something like that.

He took advantage of his greater size and lunged at her before she could get out of his range.  He jerked her back with such strength and force, she couldn’t stop him or brace herself.  She fell as he pulled, dropping her shoes as she did.  He angrily swung for her head as she laid on the ground.  She rolled out of the way just in time and heard the crunch as his fist connected with the concrete.

She took a breath and stood up, moving behind him to punch him hard in his kidney.  He crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath.  She took advantage of his position to knee him in the face, breaking his nose.  He groaned in pain and cradled his nose.  Marinette paused for just a second to take a breath before running again.  The ogre moved quicker than she had expected and grabbed her arm with his good hand, yanking her to him.  She used the momentum to drive her palm into his chin.  He staggered back a few steps, giving her enough room to kick him in the chest.  He fell back against the building next to them, hitting his head on the bricks with a sickening smack and slid down the wall, crumpling into a pile at the bottom.

Marinette edged closer to him to see if he was still alive, tensing as she got closer, ready to bolt if he so much as twitched.  She breathed a sigh of relief feeling a strong pulse and let herself relax for a moment.  Her whole body immediately tensed again as she heard a sound of something dropping behind her.  She slowly turned around to see a figure with a red bat across his broad chest a few feet away from her.  Her body relaxed minutely at the sight.  He was one of the bats.  One of the more violent ones, if she remembered correctly, but only against people who hurt kids.

She watched nervously as Red Hood sauntered slowly up to her.  He stopped a few feet away from her, looming threateningly over her.  He stared at her silently for a few moments, or at least she assumed that’s what he was doing.  It was rather hard to make out where exactly he was looking with his mask on.  She just barely stopped herself from jumping when he lifted his hand out to her, holding her shoes.  She looked at them dumbly for a few seconds before finally taking them with a quiet “Thanks.”

He didn’t react, or maybe he did, she just couldn’t see it under the mask, which was doing nothing to calm her.  Finally after she’d gotten her shoes back on he decided to break the silent, looming, threatening presence aura.  “That was amazing,” he gushed out.

Her eyes widened at the comment and snapped up to the mask’s eyes.  Of all the things she had been anticipating, that was not one of them.  “Uh… Thanks,” she answered uncertainly.  She studied him for a moment and realized he hadn’t been sauntering earlier, he had been staggering and now he was swaying as he stood turned.  “Are you… um… are you okay?  You’re kind of…” she motioned to his body.

Red Hood tore his eyes away from her eyes, with great force of will to examine his body for what she meant.  He stumbled as he tried to check himself for injuries.  He was fine.  He hadn’t even been involved in this fight and Scarecrow’s goons hadn’t landed almost any of their hits.  He was perfectly fine.  He looked back up to meet her eyes again and cocked his head to the side for a moment.  Her eyes were blue but he couldn’t quite tell the shade with his mask on.  The filters in the mask were making them appear slightly different than they really were and he needed to see her eyes properly.

Marinette failed to stop herself from jumping slightly when his hands moved lightning quick to remove his helmet to see her better.  Marinette gasped at his freshly exposed face.  “Should you be doing th…”

“Wow… you’re fucking hot,” he grinned.  He had definitely made the right decision removing the helmet.  He could see her much better without it. He could now make out the rosy hue on her cheeks at his comment and the exact bluebell shade of her eyes.  He had been right.  She was even more gorgeous without the filter.

“Um… thanks,” she gave him a nervous smile.  What the fuck was happening right now?  “So are you.”

“I am,” he nodded in agreement.  “But you’re hotter.  I’m Jason.”  He reached his hand out to shake hers.

Marinette drew in a breath and clenched her lips closed.  Her eyes turned concerned.  “Oh, you definitely shouldn’t be doing that,” she tried to lightly chastise him, but he was looking at her with such an earnest, hopeful expression she couldn’t help but smile at him and take his hand.  “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jason… should she call him Jason or Red Hood.  She really shouldn’t know his name… but she did so… Jason said again breathlessly.

“Hi,” Nightwing added loudly from behind Jason, breaking their moment.  Marinette yanked her hand back and looked back and forth between the two.

Jason groaned loudly and shook his head.  He looked up to the sky for a moment, but quickly returned his focus to Marinette.  “Oh fuck off, Dickhead.  I’m working here.”

“So the body is yours?” Nightwing prodded.

“No,” Jason grinned proudly at her.  “It’s hers.”

Marinette gave Jason a panicked look before switching to look at Nightwing again.  “He attacked me and I stopped him.  He’s still alive.  I checked.”

“Yes you did,” Jason confirmed delightedly.

Nighwing tapped his ear piece and knelt next to the body, examining it.  “Oracle, can you send police to my location, please?  We have an unconscious body.  Looks like he’ll need a medic too.”  He nodded at whatever was said in his earpiece and took a beat to collect himself before walking up to them slowly, watching them analytically as if trying to assess the situation.  “You okay, ma’am?”  He asked with a guarded tone.  Marinette looked over to Jason who rolled his eyes at her and looked away in annoyance at Nightwing’s interruption.  Marinette looked back to Nightwing and nodded slowly.

“Glad to hear it.  Sorry about Hood,” he grinned charmingly at Marinette in a manner she was sure was supposed to lull her into a sense of calm and trust, but after an entire dinner of smarmy smiles, Nightwing’s grated on her instead.  Jason’s earnest smile however… that was something else. 

Despite Jason’s previous insult, Nighwing continued walking closer until he was close enough to throw his arm over Jason’s shoulder.  “Scarecrow had a particularly potent drug and Red Hood got hit with it a few times.  So Hood could have been saying absolutely any crazy thing.  I’m honestly surprised he can even walk right now.”

Marinette caught on quickly.  This was Nightwing’s way of mediating potential security breaches, in case Jason had done anything that could compromise his and their identities, like removing his helmet and telling her his name.  Marinette could sympathize with the attempt after her years of trying to manage the miraculous identities secret, but he’d come with his fake smile and fake concern and she was done with fake people today.  So, mess with him it was.  “So I shouldn’t have taken him saying I was cute seriously?” she asked innocently.

Nightwing paused for just a second.  If Marinette hadn’t been watching, she would have missed it.  “No!  No,” he stuttered.  “I mean, it doesn’t STOP him from saying true things.  And that certainly is true.  It just…”

Jason finally tore his intense gaze away from Marinette to whirl on Dick and shove him away, which was actually quite lucky for Jason, as the shoving motion is the only thing that countered his momentum and kept him from falling.  “Stop hitting on the woman I’m hitting on,” he hissed at Nightwing.  Nightwing gasped at seeing Jason’s naked face, not even a domino mask to hide his identity.

Jason twirled back toward her, but overcorrected and turned past her.  He had to slowly turn back until he faced her and pointed his finger at her accusatorily.  “And I didn’t say you were cute.  I said you were fucking hot and you are.” He smiled proudly at his statement.

Marinette giggled both at Jason’s bluntness and the horror on Nightwing’s face.  She raised her hands in surrender, letting Jason take the win.  He nodded smugly at her acquiescence. 

“Okay Romeo, let’s get you home,” Nightwing said, clapping Jason on the back and not so subtly pushing him past Marinette and down the sidewalk, or at least attempting to. 

Jason swayed back toward Marinette, raising his arm to balance himself just high enough that it landed perfectly on Nightwing’s shoulder in a way that would have been considered smooth if it had been in anyway intentional rather than sheer dumb luck.  “Dickweed, if you stop me from getting her number I’m going to fill all of your uniforms with itching powder,” Jason growled threateningly.  He leaned in closer to Nightwing until their faces were a few inches apart.  “ALL OF THEM.  If she’s willing to give me her number, I’m going to take it.”

“And what good would her number do Red Hood?” Nightwing gritted out pointedly.

Jason blinked and pulled his head back clumsily.  “Don’t know.  But it’ll do Jason Todd a lot of fucking good.”  He smiled roguishly at Marinette.  “And if I’m extremely lucky, maybe eventually, some good fucking too.” 

Marinette sputtered at him completely exposing his identity and his honest admission of his intentions, her mouth dropped.  Nightwing groaned.

Jason moved closer to her, trying to keep his steps measured and graceful.  It didn’t really work, but it reduced the stumbling.  “I never did catch your name, Helen might come close but couldn’t match.”

She blinked a few times to catch up with the rapid change in tone and quirked her head to the side.  “Helen?”

He nodded slowly at her, his eyes still focused solely on her.  “Of Troy.  Face that launched a thousand ships.  Surely yours could launch a million.”  His voice was reverent and his smile had softened becoming affectionate rather than roguish.

“Oh my God," she giggled, an incredulous smile settling on her face.  "Is he like this when sober?”

“Not with me,” Nightwing said rolling his eyes, or at least she thought that’s what he was doing under the domino mask.  His entire head rolled as he did it.  “But he is usually pretty blunt,” he acknowledged.  “But with the serum added in…”  He trailed off, letting her fill in the gaps.  Nightwing looked back over at Marinette appraisingly.  “Look…”

“Marinette,” she supplied.

“Marinette…” Jason repeated.  He let the name linger on his tongue.  “That’s a beautiful name.  Epic poems could be written about that name and that smile.”

Her cheeks reddened and she had to look away from the intensity of Jason’s stare.  She shook her head and coughed to try to calm her heart.  She raised an eyebrow at Nightwing.  “So I take it that it was a truth serum?”  The deep sigh Nightwing let out was confirmation enough for Marinette.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that you are sexy as fuck,” Jason interrupted her.

Marinette, whose mouth had been open to continue her thought, snapped it shut with an audible clap and turned bright red.

Nightwing choked and tried to cough to cover it.  “Jesus, Jason.  Take it down a notch or ten.”

Jason shrugged at him, smiling proudly at Marinette’s expression.  “Equal and opposite flirting rule.”

“Excuse me?” Marinette interrupted.  Because that sounded like he was flirting to the same level she was and she had definitely NOT been flirting at that level or at all.  Damn, she needed to up her flirting game.  She opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut quickly.  Now was not the time.  He was drugged out of his mind.  She was not going to hit on someone who was buzzed beyond belief.

“The level of flirting exhibited shall match the level of awesomeness of the subject of the flirting,” Jason explained calmly, still smiling his soft smile at her.  And honestly, if he kept that up, she was going to rescind her stance on flirting back at him.

Marinette stared at him for a few seconds “Uhhh,” she started, internally groaning at her very intelligent response.  Eloquent conversation?  Nailed it.  Very deserving of the ‘awesome’ title.

She blinked a few times and turned to Nightwing.  “I understand the value of a secret identity.  I assume you won’t take my word on it, but perhaps you could take a fellow hero’s word?”  Nightwing raised an inquisitive eyebrow at her.  “You’re part of the Justice League, right?  You can check with Ladybug.  She’ll vouch for me.”

“Ooohhh,” Jason suddenly let out, moving in between her and Nightwing.  “Ladybug!  She’s fucking hot too and so amazing.  Almost as much as you.  You fight like that without a magic suit to help.  That’s so impressive.”  Marinette could feel her cheeks grow even redder.  If this kept up, her face was going to be as red as her mask, and there would be no hiding her identity.  “You’re friends with her?” Jason continued, oblivious to her inner turmoil.  “Batman won’t let me meet her.  Are all your friends as hot and amazing as you?” 

“I’ll check with her the next time I see her,” Nightwing confirmed over Jason, putting his arm around his waist again to guide him down the street.

Marinette nodded at him.  “It was nice meeting you two.”

“Wait,” Jason lunged out of Nightwing’s arm toward her, nearly knocking her down.  “I didn’t get your number.”

Marinette looked to Nightwing.  “Uh… I don’t think your… teammate wants me to do that.”

“Ignore that happiness killing asshole.  Dick has always been like that.  Besides, we’ll need your number to keep an eye on you, right?  I volunteer,” he grinned brightly.

Marinette opened her mouth and shut it again.  She determinedly refused to look at Nightwing, Dick apparently, and focused on Jason, fixing him with a pointed stare.  “If I give you my number, will you stop giving me personal secrets?  Yours and your other partners’?”

“My brothers?”  Marinette’s eyes snapped to Nightwing’s this time.

Nightwing slapped himself on the forehead.  “Little Wing…” he groaned.

“Yes your brothers’.  And go home and sleep this off?” she continued.

“Yes I will.  Although I’d sleep better if I knew you were there too, watching over me,” he added earnestly.

“No, you wouldn’t.”  She pulled out a sheet of paper to write it on but he shoved his phone in her hands instead. 

“Just put it directly in here,” he offered instead.

She closed her eyes and sighed.  She looked over to Nightwing for guidance, but he shrugged at her, defeat clear in his slumped shoulders.

“I definitely would,” he countered her.  He turned toward Nightwing.  “You should have seen her take out that thug when he tried to grab her.  She was amazing,” he sighed out dreamily.  “She knocked his ass out.  Hey!” he perked up as if suddenly realizing something.  “She’s a knock out who knocked his ass out!”  He turned back toward her and leaned on Nightwing in a daze.  “I think I’m in love.”

“I am so sorry about him,” Nightwing looked at her pleadingly.

Marinette waved him off and put her name and number in Jason’s phone.  “Truthfully?  Significantly more honest, respectful, and romantic than the date I had tonight or in the past… while, so… Have him give me a call tomorrow if he still feels the same.”

“Oh I will,” Jason grinned at her, taking his phone back and laughing at the (Helen) she’d put next to her name.  “It was nice meeting you Marinette.  It was the highlight of my week.”

Marinette grinned and pushed up to kiss him on his cheek.  “Mine too.  Now put on your helmet before you out yourself to anyone else.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Jason nodded.  He put his helmet on as she walked away, but rubbed the area of his helmet over his cheek where she had kissed him, a goofy smile on his face.  He would definitely call her in the morning.  He would make sure he remembered.  He wasn’t stupid enough to let someone like her get away.

Continued in Well, Well, Well, If It Isn’t the Consequences of My Actions

@boldlyanxious

[fanficimagery]

A Fangy Fetish

Imagine finally coming home to your family, only to realize there's something other about your little brother and his friends. But that's okay because you're not exactly the same as you were when you first left either. It's a surprising change, but one you're more than okay with after meeting Peter Hale.

Trigger Warnings: Brief conversation about death, an abusive relationship and a brief scene of spiking one's drink.  Author’s Note: Pls don’t ask about the title. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking XD

Passing up the welcome sign to Beacon Hills should fill you with glee since it's been forever that you've seen your mom and brother, but it merely makes you squirm in your seat since there was a good reason you had stayed away in the first place. And now- now you're meeting with them for the first time since you've changed and you're not sure how it should make you feel.

Your mom hasn't moved from your childhood home and as far as you knew your brother didn't have plans to move out until he had completed vet school, so it's not too hard to track them down. There's no vehicle in the driveway, but the opened curtains to the front windows showcase flickering lights from a TV being cast against the wall. Then cutting the engine, you tuck your hair behind your left ear and angle your ear towards the house to listen. After zoning out various noises, you can hear a TV show playing and your mother's familiar voice muttering obscenities when she sees something she doesn't agree with. There's no other voices or heartbeats so you figure your brother must be out.

Exhaling a nervous sigh, you pull down the visor and check your reflection in the small mirror being lit up by two small lights on either side of it. Then after making sure there's nothing on your face or at the corner of your eyes and mouth, you push the visor back up and then make your way out of the car. Walking up the steps to the front path and then the front path to the house porch, you nervously close the distance to the front door. You hesitate only a second before pressing the doorbell and then step back as you hear your mother pause her show and get up to see who it is.

The door opens and you can't help but smile when you see realization set in and Melissa McCall's eyes widen. "Y/N?"

"Hey, mom."

"Oh my god. Sweetheart!" She closes the distance between the two of you, arms wrapping tightly around you as you laugh and return her embrace. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"It was a split second decision," you tell her, letting her pull back and look you up and down to make sure you're really there. "Then I figured a surprise was in order."

She practically beams. "Come on. Come in," she says. "Oh I can't wait until Scott gets home. He's going to be so happy."

"Yeah, I can't wait to see Scotty either. It's been way too long."

Following your mom, you warily eye the doorway before stepping inside and the various scents of your childhood home make your chest ache with memories you had pushed to the back of your mind. Everything still smells familiar, even if there is a new underlying scent that makes you a little anxious and nose twitch.

"So what have you been up to?" She asks. The two of you settle in the living room and she's quick to turn off the TV in order to give you her full attention. "Catch me up."

"Well," you nervously chuckle, "there's not much to tell. School and work have kept me busy, and then there was this guy-"

"A boy?!" She gasps. "Tell me more."

"For a year," you tell her, your smile faltering. "I was with him for a year when I finally realized our relationship wasn't exactly healthy. The break was pretty amicable, but my trust in him was completely broken."

Melissa's mood immediately drops. "Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I'm okay now." Your mom looks so heartbroken all of a sudden that you can't help but scoot closer and pull her into a hug again. "Don't be sad," you chuckle. "It's part of growing up. If I didn't go through some stuff, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And let me tell you, I really like the person I am now."

Your mom sniffles. "Well if you're happy.."

"More than," you assure her. "I mean, I could probably use a little more fun between the sheets, but-"

"Y/N!" Melissa pulls back, shock etched into her features. "I am still your mother, young lady."

You burst out laughing, quickly leaning in to peck your mother's cheek. "I know, mom. Just wanted you to stop being sad. It worked."

A moment passes and her shoulders sag. She starts to laugh with you and you're so distracted by cheering her up that you don't hear the car parking outside or the steady heartbeat getting closer and closer. It's only when the front door opens that you freeze, your mom's smile widening.

"Hey, mom, whose car is out front?" Scott rounds the corner and you're surprised at how much your little brother has grown. He stares at you, eyes widening, before a very familiar and very missed crooked smile overtakes his features. "Y/N!"

You're laughing again as Scott practically rushes you, his arms tight around you in a welcoming embrace. He's warm, like really warm, and he has a very distinctive earthly smell. But that can't be right because as far as you knew the werewolf gene did not run in your family's DNA.

"What are you doing here?" Scott asks, squeezing you one last time before letting you go and then putting you at arm's length to look you up and down. He looks between you and your mom, smiling the entire time.

"Thought it was about time I came over for a visit." You shrug. "School is on break and my boss said I needed to cash in my vacation days or I'd lose them."

"I don't even know your boss, but I already love him. If he made you come home, he's okay in my books."

You chuckle, punching Scott lightly on the arm. You open your mouth to reply, but a frantic beeping reaches your ears. You and Scott look at your mom when she frowns, she then walking over towards the kitchen and picking up a beeper. She sighs and looks towards you and your brother, apologetically. "It's the hospital."

"Say no more," you tell her.

"Don't worry. Stiles will be stoked to see Y/N so we'll keep her busy for a while."

"Stiles?" You slowly smirk. "He still a little heathen?"

"Worse." Melissa snorts. "So much worse."

As Melissa gets ready for a shift that has been passed on to her, Scott convinces you to go surprise Stiles who's in town for the week. He hasn't stopped smiling the entire time he's set eyes on you, but every now and then you see his expression falter as he stares curiously at you before shaking off whatever it is and going back to his happy self.

The three of you head outside, you and Scott promising Melissa to be home in time for some breakfast before watching her drive off. You and Scott then climb into your own car, and he happily directs you towards the outskirts of town to a seemingly abandoned building.

"What is this place?" You ask, turning off your car and then climbing out.

"An apartment building. Friend of a friend likes his privacy so he bought the building. The only occupied portion of it is the loft at the very top."

"Nice," you quietly muse as you follow after him. But very quickly you come to a certain realization and stumble to a halt. "So he owns the entire building? Privately?"

"Well yeah," Scott says. "Why?"

"Oh no reason." You try to play it off, nonchalant. "I just- I rather not barge in without meeting the guy. Walking in uninvited is bad manners."

Your brother huffs. "It's just Derek. He won't care."

"Yeah, but I will."

Digging your heels in on this, Scott sighs. "Seriously, Y/N. Derek won't mind. You can wait down here all you want, but Derek won't waste his time coming down here just to tell you to come in."

"Can't you call him?"

Seeing your pout, Scott rolls his eyes but the amused little smile doesn't go missed. "Sure. Fine." He pulls out his phone and quickly presses the contact he's looking for. Phone then put on speaker, you flash him a small smile in gratitude.

"What do you want, McCall?"

"So I have a friend down here with me and she's really adamant that she gets an invite from you before we head upstairs. She says it's bad manners to just walk on in."

The guy scoffs. "Whatever. Come in."

Well that should do it. Hopefully.

"Happy now?" Scott puts his phone away after the call is abruptly ended and leads the way inside. "Now hurry up. I wanna see Stiles flip out." You follow him, briefly hesitating at the main door before exhaling silently in relief when you're permitted entry.

The metal, cage-like elevator gives you pause, but Scott promises it works just fine. So after settling inside and vowing to kill him if the elevator fails and falls, Scott presses the button for the loft at the very top of the building. Once stopped, you're then led towards a sliding metal door which Scott readily opens. Again you hesitate, but cross the threshold with no problem.

There are two men in the loft, one whose movements are very familiar and brings a smile to your face. The other one, the one with the dark hair and scruff, well it looks like he's scenting the air until his hardened gaze lands on you. But Stiles, who'd been preoccupied by tell him a story, immediately ceases talking to see what the problem is. And when his gaze lands on you, his jaw drops open and you can't help but snort.

"Holy shit. Y/N?"

"Goddamn, Stilinski," you muse. "You grew up in all the right places." Scott groans and you laugh when Stiles' awed expression turns a bit smug. From one second to the next he's moving and making a beeline for you, the two of you colliding in a hug which he rocks you side to side in. "It's nice to see you too, Stiles."

"How long are you here for? Dad will be happy to see you."

"Two weeks," you tell him as he pulls away. "And I can't wait to see Noah. It's been ages."

"I'm all for reunions," the guy who you're assuming is Derek says, "but why the hell would you guys let me invite a vampire into my home?"

Scott scoffs, Stiles freezes, and you frown at the new guy. This was not how you wanted the news broken to Scott. Your moment of anger, however, is overridden by the fact that there's no immediate denial of the supernatural from either your brother or his best friend.

"My sister isn't-"

"What are you?" You ask, cutting Scott off, glaring at Derek. "You smell wolfish, but so does my brother. Last I knew there was no wolf gene in our family line."

"Y/N, what?" Scott then asks. "You're not- tell him you're not a vampire."

Your gaze slides to Scott and you smile sadly at him. "I'm sorry. I can't do that." He tenses and Stiles takes a few steps back, and your heart breaks. "I promise to explain everything here in a bit, but tell me what's going on. Please. You don't smell human, Scotty, and neither does Eyebrows over there."

Scott gulps and nods, eyes filling with tears that refuse to fall. "Derek Hale comes from a family of werewolves. I'm sure you remember the Hale family before you left for college." There's a huff and you warily eye Derek as he rolls his eyes. Scott clears his throat and continues. "At the start of my sophomore year, I was bitten by a rogue alpha. I turned."

"Huh. I've never met a wolf that could turn someone with a bite."

"Never met a-" Stiles starts, only to stop and redirect his line of thoughts. "Wait, there are other types of werewolves?"

You shrug. "Well, yeah."

Stiles opens his mouth to retort, but Derek is quick to shut him down. "You can get your supernatural fix later, Stiles. Right now, Scott's sister has some explaining to do." By now he's nearly shoulder to shoulder with Stiles, arms crossed over his chest as he stares at you.

The guy's gruff, but since he's not outright threatening you, you don't get defensive. "Um, I died about two years ago."

"You died?!" Both Scott and Stiles yelp.

Your lips press into a thin line as you nod. Scott frowns. "Two years ago is when you stopped coming home to visit."

"I-I had to." You glance at your brother as the first tear falls, but you're quick to wipe it away. "About a year prior to dying, I fell in love with a local. Everything was fine. I was happy," you say. "But as the months passed, I started to realize that there were blank spots in my memories. Some days I'd wake up with bruises I couldn't explain or wake up completely exhausted to the point that I couldn't get out of bed. No one, other than myself, realized something was wrong."

"What happened?" Scott quietly asks.

You sniffle, smiling sadly. "My boyfriend. He was a vampire, only I didn't know it until I was one myself."

"Why only after? Surely you could tell something was up when you were with him," Stiles says.

You shake your head, but it's Derek who says. "Vampires can manipulate the mind. It's one reason my mom wasn't very trusting of them."

"He's right. Our kind can compel people- make them forget something happened or plant memories that never existed," you admit. "As it so happened, my boyfriend was feeding off of me without my consent. And when he took too much, I would pass out and then wake up extremely weakened without a clue as to why. Most of the time he compelled me to think that I was fine- that nothing was wrong with me."

"How'd you figure it all out?" Your brother wonders.

You exhale softly. "I went out partying with some friends. On our way back, my friend lost control of the car and slammed into a tree. I died, but I died with vampire blood in my system." All three guys shift uneasily of learning about the ingested blood, so you quickly explain how it got there in the first place. "When my boyfriend was too rough with me, he'd feed me his blood since vampire blood has healing capabilities. The only downfall of ingesting vampire blood is that if you die while it's still lingering in your system, you wake up in transition."

"Which means you had to feed on human blood," Derek says.

"Yes." Stiles and Scott grimace. "I had woken up in the hospital morgue and found my way to the blood bank. It was- it was a clusterfuck," you admit smally. "I gorged, I cried, and I unknowingly compelled the doctors to make them think that I was fine and then fled the hospital as soon as I could. Fortunately for me, there was another vampire at school. When she realized I was newly turned and I told her what I knew, she felt sorry for me. And since I was a vampire myself now, all my compelled memories started to rush back. She helped me break up with my vampire boyfriend and then took me under her wing. She taught me how to control the bloodlust and introduced me to a witch who made me a piece of daylight jewelry so I'd be able to walk in the sun."

Scott and Stiles appear floored by your story, but it's Derek whose expression has yet to falter. "I have one question," he says. You nod, waiting. "Are you here to cause drama for Beacon Hills?"

"No. Never," you immediately answer him. "I honestly just came for mom and Scott. I didn't expect any supernatural to be here at all or even that my baby brother was part of it now too."

"Okay then." His stern expression briefly falters so he flashes a quick smile. "Then welcome home, I guess."

You huff a quiet laugh. "Thanks. I'm Y/N, by the way. Scott's older sister."

"Derek Hale, co-alpha to the McCall/Hale pack."

"Co-alpha, huh. Does that mean," you trail off and glance at your brother, smiling when his eyes flash red at you. "Cool. The werewolves I know can't do that. They're really only dangerous when they've transformed under a full moon. Other than that, they're as human as can be."

"I have so many questions," Stiles muses.

Derek huffs in amusement. "Don't bother. We have books on other breeds of the same species. I just never brought them out because, until now, vampires never stepped foot in Beacon Hills and we didn't have to worry about other breeds of werewolves." He turns and walks back to a metal table where various books are opened, and busies himself by browsing the pages. Stiles is quick to follow after him and pester him about these so-called books.

Scott steps closer to you, hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans as he smiles sheepishly. "So you're fine?" He wonders. "You're not gonna fang out and drain us of our blood?"

"What?" You snort. "No. If I wanted to drain you or anyone else, I'd have done it when everyone was hugging me and my mouth was literal inches from your throats. I'm fine. You guys have nothing to worry about."

"But you drink blood?"

"I do, although I tend to stick to blood bags from a hospital. If I drink straight from the vein, I only take enough to soothe the thirst and then quickly compel the person to eat a snack or go home and nap."

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

You pause. Scott stares at you, and even Derek and Stiles go eerily quiet after the question. You sigh. "Does it matter?" Scott shrugs and you hate you have to admit this. "Yes. My first victim was an accident. It happened when my friend was teaching me how to feed properly and I lost control. It happened twice more, but I was able to save those two individuals before their hearts stopped."

"Any on purpose?" Derek asks from his side of the room.

"A few." You gulp. "The moment a hunter learns you're a vampire, you're apparently fair game. If I have to take a life to keep my own, I will. Dying is not fun and I don't plan on doing it again any time soon." You notice Scott frowns at your answer, but Derek and Stiles hum before accepting your answer as appropriate. And not wanting to get into a discussion of right or wrong, you paste on a smile and change the subject. "So anyway, what else have I missed? Any girlfriends I should know about? Or boyfriends? I don't judge."

Derek snorts and Scott flashes you a crooked smile. "Actually, yeah. My girlfriend and Derek's are out right now buying some stuff to throw a party."

"Oohhh. Do these girlfriends have names?"

"Yeah. Malia and Kira," Stiles says. "Malia's my ex-girlfriend and Derek's long lost cousin, but now she's Scott's girlfriend. And Kira is Scott's ex-girlfriend who is now Derek's girlfriend."

"That is.. weird," you say, chuckling softly. "But cool, I guess, if you guys seem to have no problem with it."

"We're all pack," Scott tells you. "We're more than fine with it."

"And I'm actually dating Lydia Martin," Stiles says, "but she's super busy with school which is why she's not here."

"Lydia Martin?" Your nose wrinkles. "Snooty Martin?"

"Hey!" Stiles quickly reprimands you. "She's not so bad anymore. Not after finding out she was a banshee."

"Hold up. What?"

"Yeah. Lydia's a banshee." He shrugs. "Kira's a kitsune and Malia's a werecoyote."

"Holy shit. What the hell has Beacon Hills come to?"

"That's nothing," Derek says. "If you had been here all along, you'd have seen a lot more than just that. Beacon Hills is a beacon for crazy."

"Yeah. No shit."

What little tension that had been lingering finally vanishes and everyone shares a friendly laugh. But when a newcomer enters the apartment, it has your hackles rising.

"Ugh. Who let a bloodsucking fiend in?"

The elder gentleman that enters is rather attractive, but the scowl he's directing in your direction leaves you scowling back. "Aren't you a little old to be wearing v-necks?"

"And aren't you a little new to be taunting the big bad wolf?"

You hiss. "Do we like this guy?"

Without missing a beat, Derek says, "On occasion."

"Good." Then before anyone can blink, you use your vampiric speed to appear inches from the newcomer, grab him by the throat and pin him to the floor. Stiles and Scott yelp at your sudden movements, but you pay them no mind as you snarl in the wolf's face. "You don't wanna get on my bad side."

The wolf blinks in surprise and everyone seems to hold their breath. You see movement out of the corner of your eye, but since it's slow you don't bother to act on it. Instead, fingers gently touch your face before a thumb brushes on the underside of your left eye where you know small black veins are pulsing. "Beautiful."

You freeze and slowly ease up on the wolf. "What?"

He smirks. "If you wanted me on my back, sweetheart, all you had to do was ask." Derek, Stiles and Scott all groan. "Peter Hale, at your service."

"Y/N McCall," you hesitantly introduce yourself. Climbing off of him and steadily walking on your own two feet, you can't help but knock him down a peg when you see his expression. "And don't look too smug. The other Hale is hotter."

Meeting Malia and Kira was rather interesting, especially when you saw what they were face to face rather than just hearing about it. Seeing Scott and Malia shift almost left you speechless, but seeing Kira left you in complete awe. They had then asked to see you and Malia was the only one to not balk or make some sort of disgusted facial expression when you mentioned needed a bag of blood soon.

Over the next couple of days, Scott manages to convince you to explain to your mom about your new status as a vampire, as well as Noah Stilinski since both of them knew about the supernatural. And since Noah was like a father figure, you, Scott and Stiles got them together for a family dinner where you told them your story. Noah was angry and your mother was heartbroken, but both accepted you with open arms.

Being with your family and your brother's pack brings you a sense of calm that you haven't felt in a long while. You're easily accepted without question and it's like you've known everyone your entire life with how easily they talk with you. Peter, however, is a completely different story. While he's friendly, just like everyone else, he's a little too friendly. You were more than ready to return the teasing innuendos, but then Scott had to burst your bubble by telling you that he was Malia's biological father. Malia, however, is quick to assure you that she and Peter have a rocky relationship and that she doesn't care who Peter chooses to show affection to so long as she didn't have to see it or hear it.

You were hesitant to be so carefree and teasing with Peter afterwards, but the recent lack of male attention had you caving before the week was even over.

"So what happens if your daylight necklace is ripped off?" Stiles asks. It's now Saturday afternoon and everyone is at Derek's, making sure the loft is party ready for later that night. "Do you just burst into flames right then and there?"

"No." You snort. "It starts off as a sizzle and you have seconds to flee to the shadows before bursting into flames." Malia helps you position a keg into a large metal bin, Kira then filling the empty space around it with ice. "And my necklace is spelled. No one other than myself can remove it so I don't have to worry about someone ripping it off."

"I'm not gonna lie, I kind of want to see you burst into flames."

"You're an asshole."

"Actually, I kind of want to see it too," Malia says.

Stiles beams, pointing at Malia and nodding. "See! I'm not the only one."

You glance at Kira and she sheepishly smiles, not even attempting to deter her pack mates who want to see you purposely set yourself on fire. A moment passes before you sigh. "Fine, but you better get me a blood bag or I'm sinking fang into someone's vein."

Stiles is quick to scramble for the kitchen, no doubt making a beeline for one of the few blood bags Derek had tossed into the back of his fridge. You groan but chuckle nonetheless as you look around for the perfect spot and then find it in the corner of the loft just right by the overly large windows. Then settling in the corner with your back against the brick wall, you exhale deeply before carefully reaching behind your neck to unclasp your necklace. Grimacing, you look forward and hold your necklace out for someone to grab. Kira hurriedly steps forward and takes your necklace with gentle hands.

"Jesus Christ. I can't believe I'm doing this." You shakily raise your arm, hand reaching towards the sun rays before your fingers curl into a fist. You sigh, nervously chuckling as you shake your hand out. "Okay. I can do this. It's just a little fire and then I'll heal."

Stiles, Malia and Kira are all eerily silent as they watch you. You're grimacing before the sunlight even touches you and then your whole face is scrunching up when you feel the sizzle before hearing it. Kira gasps and your eyes don't even have to be open to know what they're seeing. Unblemished skin darkening before slowly glowing like burning embers. Seconds later the smoke starts and against your better judgment you hold your ground. At least until you feel your hand igniting in flames and then you're quickly bringing your arm close to your body and patting the fire out.

"Ow, ow, ow." You utter. "Fuck! Give me the blood!"

Stiles is staring at you, wide-eyed, before Malia rolls her eyes and grabs the blood bag from his hands to toss at you. Catching it with one hand, you nod at the werecoyote before dropping fang and biting directly into the bag. At that, Stiles gags. "I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

Pulling your fangs from your snack, you mutter, "Pussy," and then go back to draining the bag.

Stiles gasps in mock offense as the girls chuckle. Your hand had immediately healed after your first gulp, but you drain the bag anyway since you're going to be around a lot of strangers later on.

The loft door slides open and immediately all three wolves wrinkle their noses.

"Why does it smell like burning flesh?" Peter asks. No one says anything, but their eyes slide to you knowingly. You sheepishly smile as you hide the blood bag behind your back. Peter's eyes narrow. "What did you do?"

The heaviness of all their stares makes you squirm. "It was Stiles' idea!"

"Hey!" He barks. "Don't forget about Malia and Kira." Both girls frown at him in betrayal, but he merely shrugs in return. "If I'm going down, I'm taking all of you with me."

All three werewolves sigh, rolling their eyes. Scott and Derek bring in the delicate black lights that need to be fixated around the loft, and the buckets of neon paints. Peter drops whatever was in the brown paper bags he was holding and then saunters towards you. He spots Kira holding your necklace and snatches it from her hands. You subconsciously press your back into the corner, but Peter merely smirks as he unclasps the necklace in his hands and holds it out, waiting to place it around your neck.

"Come on, sweetheart. We don't have all day." Your eyes narrow at his teasing smile and you step towards him so he can put your necklace back on. And since you're facing him, refusing to give him your back, he reaches around you to clasp the necklace at the back of your neck. Then letting it settle against your throat, he untucks your hair from the chain and then gently cusps the sides of your neck in his hands while his thumbs brush along your jawline. His smile drops. "Don't do that again. If Stiles wants to see a fire, let the moron set himself ablaze."

"Hey! I heard that."

You blink in surprise at Peter before he takes his leave, only to see the subtly surprised expression Derek is sporting and the sour expression your brother can't help but show. Malia is indifferent to the exchange, Kira looks rather amused, and Stiles is just put out because he was called a moron. Nothing else is said on the matter, so you quickly flee the corner of shadows and get back to work.

          - - - - - - - - - -

The party has only just begun by the time you send Malia and Kira on their way. You had painted both their faces with wolf-like features- Malia in blue and Kira in orange. You had also painted markings along their collar bones, and swirls and floral patterns up and down their arms. They were prepared to wait for you, but you insisted they head on out and that you'd join them soon enough.

You're left alone in Derek's bathroom, bowls of paint and paintbrushes scattered along the counter top as you determine what you want. Eventually you settle for neon green skeletal features, jagged teeth painted over your lips. You outline your neck and collar bones, and then stand there while you fan yourself so the paint will dry.

The faint sound of creaking catches your attention and you immediately glance towards the doorway. Peter stands there, leaning against the door jamb. "Love the handiwork," he says. "Are you taking any requests?"

You faintly grin at him. "No because then that puts the pressure on me to give you exactly what you want. But if you want me to paint you a surprise, then I'm your girl."

"Hmm. My girl. I think I like the sound of that."

"Of course you do." Your eyes roll, but the quirk of your lips tells him you're amused rather than annoyed. "Now get in here. I'll try and make it quick." Peter pushes off the door jamb and walks in, getting up close and personal to your back. You think he's trying to make you squirm, but you merely frown when you realize just how much taller he is than you when you stare at him in the reflection of the mirror. "Well this isn't going to work," you mutter. Pushing the bowls of paint and paint brushes aside, you turn around and hop onto the counter. "There. That's better."

"So much," he says while stepping into the space between your knees.

Snorting, you let the remark slide and grab his face in your hands. Turning his face this way and that way, you hum as you determine what you're going to paint for him. "Wanna match?" You ask. Then without giving him a chance to answer, you grab the bowl with green paint and a paintbrush. "We're gonna match, but you're only getting half a face because I really need to get out there and dance."

Peter fights off a smile as you grasp his chin with one hand and then quickly dip a paintbrush into the green paint with the other. The moment the loaded brush touches the center of his forehead, however, he schools his features so you have an unwrinkled canvas. The left side of his face gets the skeletal treatment, but when that's done you can't help but dip three fingers into purple paint and drag them down the unpainted side of his face.

He grins afterward. "Does this mean I can mark you back?"

"I don't see why not. Just nothing on my face."

Peter carefully coats his entire hand in pink before he looks at you, eyes darting up and down as he determines where he's going to mark. He smirks and then gently wraps his hand around your throat. He leaves it there, squeezing just so, and you gulp beneath his hand.

"Ooohh. Don't threaten me with a fun time." His eyes flare blue in response and you can feel your own eyes change in return as he drops his hand and slowly leans in. You put a hand on his chest to stop his progression. "Seriously, Hale. If you mess up all my hard work before anyone has a chance to see it, I will rip your jugular out."

Peter growls and you quickly lean in to snap your fangs right in front of his face. He shudders and you chuckle lowly before nudging him back and hopping off the counter. After all, you had a party to attend.

          - - - - - - - - - -

The party has a bit more people than you'd expected there to be and even Derek seems a bit surly over how any people are in his home. But the DJ is amazing, the drinks are flowing, and the strobe lights are flashing in tune with the beats.

Everyone is lit up, whether it be their clothing or because of the paint, and you readily slide into the dancing masses. You don't seek out anyone in particular, choosing to dance on your own or anyone who sidles up to you in order to have a good time. But the second they get too handsy for your liking, you're shoving them off and moving on.

You're dancing, swiveling your hips and laughing with a few females who were all too happy to have you join them. You turn around, putting the girls at your back when your hands slide up your neck to gather your hair and hold it up off your neck before letting it fall once more. Your eyes somehow manage to find Peter, but the once teasing wolf looks anything but teasing. In fact, he looks rather pissed. And that- that just won't do.

Pushing through the bodies, you eventually make your way towards Peter from behind and tiptoe so your chin hooks over his shoulder. "So who are we killing?" You muse.

He tenses, but upon realizing who it is he's quick to relax. And without missing a beat, he says, "Two o'clock. Apparently this young man, if you can even call him that, has made the mistake of spiking a drink in hopes of giving it to one of the young ladies here. Fortunately, every female he's tried to pawn it off on has been smart enough to not take the pre-made drink."

His words immediately sour your mood. "Well that just won't do."

Before Peter can stop you, you're falling back onto the balls of your feet and practically skipping towards the guy Peter had been murdering with his eyes. A smile here, a touch there, and whispered promises of a good time goes a very long way and it doesn't take long to have the guy following after you. Then as you're about to pass up Peter with Troy (that was the guy's name, the one who was looking to roofie some poor innocent soul) following you, you flash Peter a wink and mutter follow me just loud enough so that he could hear.

You manage to avoid the rest of the pack as you lead Troy out of the loft and into the hallway, manhandling the all too eager dude-bro against the wall. He's a pretty decent looking dude, but his smug aura and tendency to roofie his potential hook-ups is a major turn off. So you tease him with a pretty smile, leaning in so your lips are just centimeters apart.

"Forgive me. I hope I'm not interrupting."

You pull back, turning half way and grinning at the intruder. There stands Peter, looking like he's not sorry at all. But Troy- Troy is annoyed. "Fuck off, man."

"Well that's no way to talk to your betters," Peter drawls.

"Yeah I gotta admit," you say. "That was a dick thing to say."

Troy glances between you and Peter, scoffing. "Whatever. I can find another girl to get laid by back in the party."

He goes to push off the wall, nudging you out of the way, but your hand lands in the middle of his chest before shoving him back into the wall. "I think not." Then meeting his gaze, you smile cruelly as you say, "Do not make a sound."

Troy's mouth opens as if to tell you off, but not a peep comes out. His eyes widen and Peter chuckles as he saunters towards you. "Huh. Having a vampire around could come in handy."

"So says the werewolf," you muse. Troy struggles against your hand, but he's not going anywhere. Not even when he raises a hand to strike you because Peter reaches out with lightning quick reflexes and catches his wrist. You smirk before looking at Troy. "Now that wasn't very nice. I was just going to let you go after scaring you a bit, but now.."

"Now," Peter says, "I think it's time we give you a taste of your own medicine. Let you know how it feels to have something taken from you without your consent." Troy's eyes widen even more while you and Peter snicker at the spike of fear in his scent. "Y/N, will you do the honors?"

"With pleasure." You stare at Troy, willing your features to change right before his very eyes and hissing when your fangs elongate. He renews his struggle in order to get away, but with your strength and Peter's he's going anywhere. "Now this is going to hurt like hell," you coo. "I want you to feel the fear of every girl you ever roofied just so you could get your dick wet."

Your smiling façade drops as you snarl, opening your mouth wider as your head rears back before you lunge forward and sink your teeth into Troy's neck. You feel him stiffen in pain, struggling even more to get away as you harshly drain his life's essence through the wound in his neck. But the second you feel his struggle lessen, you pull back and lick the corners of your mouth.

Peter chuckles darkly as you pat Troy on his cheeks. "Perk up some, will 'ya? I hardly drained an artery."

"Uh, sweetheart? I don't think he can talk."

"Oh. Right!" Catching Troy's gaze once more, you say, "You can make sound again, but you're never going to speak about what just happened. You're going to forget that monsters exist. All you need to know that if you ever see my face or his face again," you compel him while gesturing to Peter who's now standing over your shoulder, "then you're going to remember something terrible happened but you're not quite sure what. You'll just be deathly afraid. Do you understand?"

"I understand."

"Good. Also, you're never going to spike another drink ever again. If you ever just THINK about taking anything without the person's consent, you're going to get violently ill and remember the pain in your neck from when I sunk my teeth into it. Got it?"

"Y-Yes."

"Awesome! Now, run along. You're no longer welcomed here."

Troy blinks rapidly, his mind clearing briefly as the compulsion sets in. When he sees you again, and then Peter at your back, his eyes widen before he scrambles to the side and rushes for the elevator. You laugh and wiggle your fingers in a mocking wave. Then the moment he's in Derek's death trap of an elevator and is descending, Peter's crowding you against the wall as he dips down so his hands can grab the back of your thighs and lift you up.

Your legs automatically wrap around his waist and you have a split second of being surprised before his mouth is pressing against yours, tongue licking into your mouth a couple of times, teasing yours, before teeth pull on your bottom lip as he retreats. You groan, hands finding purchase on his shoulders before sliding back and up, and settling at the nape of his neck. "So, uh, violence really does it for 'ya. Huh?"

"You have no idea." Peter leans in once more, nose brushing against yours and leaving you anticipating his next bruising kiss, but he merely presses his lips softly against yours. You whimper and he smirks. "Now, now. Patience is a virtue." You growl and he chuckles. "Trust me. The last thing we need is to get carried away in the hall and-"

"Oh gross. Seriously, you guys!?"

Peter sighs as you jolt in his hold. You're already staring wide-eyed at your brother, so Peter slowly lets you down before bringing you into his side and slinging an arm around your shoulders. "Yes?" He drawls.

Scott wrinkles his nose. "You guys good out here? Stiles said he saw you leave with a stranger and Peter looked a little too happy about it."

"It's fine," you assure him. "Just some guy trying to roofie himself a quick lay." Scott bristles, but your too calm demeanor keeps him from asking questions. "If you're wondering, I just scared him a bit and then sent him on his way."

"Y/N!" He says. "He's just going to go out there and do it again."

"Please," you scoff. "Do you think me dumb, brother? I obviously compelled him."

"She did." Peter smiles. "And it was marvelous. You should have seen it."

"I don't know. It seems to have gotten the both of you amped up so I assume it's something I'd have disapproved of." You and Peter both smile innocently at Scott, and he rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Either rejoin the party or go somewhere else. Don't have sex in the hall. I have to walk through here."

As Scott disappears, you hum and nudge Peter with your hip. "Well would you look at that. You got the alpha's permission to defile his own flesh and blood. Wherever shall we go?"

"I've got a condo downtown."

"Too far. My car is downstairs," you say as Peter chuckles. "We can take the edge off first and then head back to your place."

"Finally! A McCall whose choices I can get behind."

"Are my choices the only thing you'd like to get behind?" You smirk at him, winking, and then start heading towards the elevator. "Lets go, Mr. Wolf. I only have less than a week left in Beacon Hills and I'd like to find out exactly how rough a wolf like you can get."

[raibebe]

Sugar and Spice

Genre: Fluff? Words: 4.390 Warnings: none for this chapter

Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | masterlist

A/N: Sugar and Spice is a series now, I know you all probably wanted more smut but I chose to write a prequel about how Jeno ended up being a sugar baby in the first place.  Since this is going to be a longer story, I wanted to try to do it in chapters instead of writing one giant thing. Later on I will switch the POV but I felt like it was needed to start off with Jeno’s.  Do not worry, there will be smut in later chapters.

Taglist: @yutaalove​, @byunniebaekhyunnie​

Like all the bad decisions Lee Jeno had made in his life, this one started with none other than Lee Donghyuck. The two boys were sitting in the university’s cafeteria where Donghyuck watched Jeno eat the food they had served with a disgusted look on his face. “I don’t understand how you can even swallow that.” “It’s either this or instant ramen again and I am pretty sure my body consists of 60% ramen already,” Jeno whined, trying to wash down what must be the most dry piece of meat he had ever tasted his entire life with some water. “Dude you work like three jobs,” Donghyuck groaned, kicking his friend beneath the table. “Got fired from the library because they caught me sleeping,” Jeno sighed deeply. “You look like you’re ready to pass out right now.” “Hyuck, I am functioning on three hours of sleep and two redbull.” “Jeno,” Donghyuck sighed and Jeno hated it when he used that tone of voice. He didn’t need Donghyuck’s pity. He could do this. He was fine. Well mostly. Apart from the fact that he got an average amount of four hours of sleep, was barely passing his classes and got fired by one of his many part time jobs every few months his life was absolutely peachy. “I’m sure if you talk to your parents again-“ “No,” he cut Donghyuck off, “I won’t come begging at their door. I chose this path for myself and they simply don’t agree Hyuck.” “Your parents suck ass,” his friend sighed, leaning back in his chair, “Pretty sure my parents would throw a party each day for a week straight if I had told them I wanted to become a vet.” “Well mine aren’t,” Jeno sighed and raked a hand through his messy hair. It was getting too long again, his bangs hanging into his eyes. Could he ask Renjun to cut it again? Did he trust the furious Chinese man with something sharp that close to his eyes?

For a while it was quiet between the two friends while Jeno continued to stuff his face with the cafeteria food. He didn’t have much time before he had to go to his shift at a little record store not far from his dorm building. It wasn’t paying the best but the owner of the shop and no issues with him doing his readings there when no customers were around. “You know that we miss you, Jeno. Right?” Donghyuck cut the silence which made Jeno stop mid bite, “We haven’t done anything with all the boys in forever and I am not counting the times we were at the club while you were working and declining the tips we were trying to give you.” “I don’t need nor want your pity money, Hyuck,” Jeno groaned again and shoved the plate with his food away. His appetite had left him. Donghyuck and him had this conversation every other week always with the same outcome: Donghyuck explaining how he was worried about him and Jeno telling him that he was fine (which he most likely wasn’t but he managed). “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make it to our meets ups, I really am,” Jeno tried to explain and Donghyuck’s eyes immediately went soft, “I just- I’m behind on my tuition again and haven’t paid the lease for the dorms for the last moth yet. I really need to take every minute and hour of overtime I can get and my grades aren’t getting any better either. This will all be for nothing if I fail my anatomy class again.” “Jeno,” Donghyuck tried again, “You can’t keep on like this for another three years.” “I have to Hyuck,” Jeno sighed, slouching back into his chair, “I have to.” His body had been screaming at him to stop whatever he was doing for weeks now and to be completely honest, he was aching for a full eight hours of sleep and not the usual four that were just disconnected naps throughout his day.

“I’m going to make a suggestion and I need you to promise me to not be mad at me, alright,” Donghyuck suddenly said, holding out his pinky finger. “Hyuck, I won’t take money from any of you. I don’t want Chenle to pay for my lease again. That was a one-time thing and I told him that I would pay him back,” Jeno immediately argued, shame running through him. He hated constantly being treated to meals and the thought that he had a debt with his younger friend even though the Chinese had told Jeno hundreds of times that he didn’t need to money back. “That’s not what I wanted to suggest. Now promise.” Jeno rolled his eyes before interlocking his pinky with one of his arguably best friends. “Actually this isn’t my idea. But Jaemin and Renjun brought it up last Friday at our movie night.” That alone made Jeno feel bad again. While his friends had been all cuddled up in Chenle’s apartment to watch some movies and eat popcorn while drinking cheap beer, he had been working in a sweaty club with horrible music that made his ears ring. “I’m sorry,” he muttered under his breath but Donghyuck didn’t seem to hear him. “But hear me out: Have you ever thought about becoming a sugar baby?” Jeno lost all control over his facial muscles and was pretty sure his brain had just short circuited, his open mouth free real estate for the fruit flies that were all over the cafeteria. “No, no, think about it Jeno,” Donghyuck immediately argued, “I did my research and you can get a monthly allowance for at least a thousand dollar if not more. You’d be able to quit that job at the shady bar.” “Hyuck,” Jeno cut in when his brain had successfully rebooted, “In case you haven’t noticed in all the years we’ve been friends: I’m not gay.” “So what?” “What do you mean so what? I’m not going to prostitute myself for some old man just because I need money,” Jeno hissed between his teeth. “Oh my god Jeno,” Donghyuck sighed, “You’re so 2010. There are plenty of wealthy woman out there looking for some arm candy to pass their time.” “You’re insane Donghyuck.” “Insanely brilliant that is,” his friend grinned, “This is literally the perfect solution for all your problems.” “How is fucking some old hag going to solve any of my problems?” “Oh come on, Jeno,” Donghyuck groaned, “There are plenty of sites that let you choose your preferred partner for this kind of arrangement. And don’t even try to deny that you’re into older girls.” At that Jeno flushed a deep red color. His preference about his partners was basically an open secret in their group of friends that he had confessed after a drunken round of truth or dare some time in highschool when Renjun had asked him why he had rejected the confession of a cute girl a year below them to keep crushing on the substitute teacher they had. Chenle had not let this thing die until Jeno had started to date a girl from Mark’s class and even then the boy had made some cruel comments about their age difference. “Here, Renjun found a site that seems very legit,” Donghyuck brought him back from his memories, scribbling down a link on a piece of paper, “Please just check it out.” “That’s a lot of promises I have to give today,” Jeno mused but took the paper to put it into his pocket. “We’re just trying to look out for you Jeno.” “I know,” he sighed, “And I appreciate that.” “You’re running thin Jeno.” “I know Hyuck!” He said, making his friend flinch at his outburst, “I fucking know, okay. I’m sorry I am making you all worry with how terrible my life currently is. It’s not like I am happy about it but you could really stop bitching about it.” Just when Donghyuck opened his mouth to reply something, Jeno’s eyes shot to the big clock on the wall. “Safe it Hyuck, I need to go to my shift.” With that he got up to hoist his bag that was barely holding together onto his shoulder and basically fled the cafeteria. Donghyuck could bring back his plate, that was the least he could do.  

Once outside, the student quickly plugged in his earphones into his phone and played his favorite playlist on his way to the record store, inwardly scolding himself for being so proud and not leeching off of Jaemin’s spotify anymore when what felt like the third ad in ten minutes interrupted his vibing. At the record store, he quickly unlocked the front door and put on a random record to play over the speakers before he got situated behind the counter to try to revise his notes from today that were unreadable at best. He had fallen asleep at least twice in his morning class and had to be shaken awake by one of his classmates once the lecture was over. Great. So self-study it was.

Over the course of his shift, he was only interrupted twice from reading the chapter in the book that he was pretty sure he should have brought back to the library last week. But since he really didn’t have any money to spare for the fine, he had decided to keep it a little longer until he was at a financially better place which was nowhere near in close sight now that he was fired from his job at said library. Which brought him back to what Donghyuck had said to him. But him becoming a sugar baby? Jeno really couldn’t think of himself in such a position. Sure, he wasn’t bad looking but when he thought of the word sugar baby he thought of beautiful and petite boys like Renjun or maybe even Jaemin but him? Even though he had lost quite some muscle mass since this shitshow had begun, he was still built quiet broad and had more of a masculine, handsome feel than sweet and beautiful. And wasn’t that was sugar mommies would look for? If they wanted a man, they wouldn’t search for a someone younger. Jeno sighed loudly and let his head hit his book. This was a hopeless situation.

But he guessed having a look at the site wouldn’t hurt and so Jeno ended up typing in the address of the sugar baby site into the computer at work, praying the owner didn’t know how to check which sites he had opened once he’d delete the browser history. The site itself looked clean, mainly consisting of muted pastel colors and black font and accents. If you weren’t signed in, you didn’t get much information on what exactly was going on but the site claimed that keeping their clients data safe was their main concern since very influential people were using their site. Jeno completely blamed Donghyuck and the two redbulls he had already had for clicking on the pastel blue ‘sign up’ button. He then had to fill out basic data about himself: His gender, age, profession and interests along with his sexual orientation. He hesitated for a second when the site asked if he was okay to be partnered with someone of the same sex for a strictly platonic relationship but denied it in the end. Next he was asked to choose a nickname to chat with potential benefactors as the site called the sugar mommies and daddies. Was this where he should choose something cute to attract people to his profile? Whacking his brain for any cute plays on his actual name, he came up with exactly nothing other than the No-Jam nickname he had earned in highschool which really wasn’t cute at all. The only other thing that came to mind was when Jaemin jokingly called himself Nana and Jeno Nono in that god-awful aegyo voice which never failed to make Jeno cringe. Why did he have to choose a nickname anyways? It was to protect the benefactors; he really didn’t have anything else to lose than his dignity. Sighing, Jeno quickly typed in: ‘Jenonono’ as his nickname, only cringing slightly when choosing a password and entering his email address to confirm everything. Once he had activated his account with the link he was sent, Jeno only had to choose a couple of pictures for his profile to complete it. Well this was a problem. Jeno couldn’t even remember the last time he took a selfie where he wasn’t looking like death on two legs to send them to his friends. He quickly scrolled through his camera roll in search for at least one decently attractive photo. He only stopped scrolling when he found photos from almost a year ago before he had changed his field of study and had the fall-out with his parents. His hair was bleached a bright blonde color and the sides were shaved but he was looking good, more toned than he was now and like he actually slept at night. Not even close to how he was looking right now but it was still him, so did this count as catfishing? He quickly chose two photos with his blonde hair styled up and one with his natural haircolor from before he and Jaemin had the great idea to bleach each other’s hair and send them to himself via mail so he could upload them onto the website.

When Jeno pressed the ‘complete’ button, the site showed him on overview of what his profile would look like and it wasn’t even half bad if he did say so himself. He still felt a little uneasy about the whole thing and the fact that he was basically catfishing people into thinking he still looked so bulky and put together like he had looked last year didn’t help. “Come on Jeno, you have nothing to lose,” he grumbled and pressed the ‘confirm’ button one last time. His profile disappeared and the site instead showed Jeno their actual layout for the matching. Unlike other dating sites, he couldn’t swipe through potential benefactors himself; he had to wait until someone actually message him. Great. So he had to hope that his pictures and his honestly not great profile would lure someone in who was at least mildly attractive. Maybe no one would ever contact him and he could just throw it back into Donghyuck’s face how this had been a shitty idea to begin with. Sighing, he closed the site for now and deleted the browser history just to be safe as well.

The rest of his shift went by in a blur of trying to make sense of his scribbly notes and whatever the authors of the book he was reading were trying to teach him about the anatomy of different species and Jeno didn’t even think twice about the site he had signed up for when he closed down the shop and went home to his shitty dorm. The short trip to the convenience store only made him more aware of how poor he was when he had to choose between an actual meal and food for the cat he had recently (very much illegally) saved from the streets and taken in. He’d be more than damned if the kitten he had named Bongsik would have to suffer, so it would be a delicious meal for her and more instant ramen for Jeno.

Back at his dorm room - a single one that could barely fit his bed, wardrobe and desk - the little cat immediately rubbed its tiny head against his pant leg and Jeno couldn’t help but smile and bend down to pet the little creature. He felt a little bit of tension immediately seep from his tired muscles and indulged the kitten in a little cuddle session until he felt his eyes starting to itch. His allergies be damned! Sighing the boy got up to actually shed his jacket and shoes and opened the fresh can of delicious cat food for Bongsik who immediately devoured it. If she thought it was delicious, would it taste good for Jeno as well? Chuckling he turned back to prepare his own food, all this instant ramen might have started to take a toll on his psyche. He ate his meal in silence before throwing both containers in the trash. Jeno knew he had to work on his essay for one of his classes but for a moment he just felt the need to relax for a bit, especially now that he didn’t have to rush over to his job at the library. Taking out his phone, he quickly replied to the group chat of his friends where they were animatedly planning a trip to the cinema on Friday which Jeno had to decline. Not only did he have a shift at the bar but he also didn’t really have the money for it. Sighing he locked his phone again. Well that went great, now he was stressed again. “Bongsik you love me right?” He asked and turned towards his cat again who was lounging next to him on the floor, her belly full with delicious food. Oh to be a cat...

Jeno sighed again when his cat of course didn’t answer. He really was going insane. But it was going to be worth it, he reminded himself again. Once this was all over he would be a vet and able to help all kinds of animals. He would make good money and could pay off his tuition slowly and maybe a couple of years later he could even have his own medical practice. But to have all that, he really needed to up his grades. Especially this godawful anatomy grade. Groaning Jeno got up from the floor to plop down on his desk and start his laptop that made an awful lot of noise while booting up. Knowing that it took the device a good two minutes give or take to completely be ready, he started to go through his notes again before typing them into the document where he compiled all his notes just to have them all nice and neat in one place.

By some ungodly hour in the morning, Jeno’s eyes started to close more and more often on their own accord and the letters on the screen started to blur together despite wearing his glasses. “We should probably call it a night, Bongsik,” he spoke into the silent room, his cat already fast asleep at the foot of his bed. Fondly smiling at her, he saved his progress on both his notes and his essay and shut down his laptop. Jeno didn’t really dare to look at the time, so he just quickly grabbed his stuff for the bathroom and got himself ready for bed in the vacant bathroom he shared with a couple of other students. But at this time it was almost guaranteed to be empty.

Once back in his dorm, Jeno quickly climbed under the covers and plugged his phone in to make sure his alarm would actually go off in about 4 hours. Even though he was dead tired now that his body was surrounded by the warmth of his bed, a notification caught his attention. Leeching off of the free wifi at the record store, he had downloaded the app that came with the sugar baby site praying it would work on his outdated phone which it luckily did. Maybe the programmers had actually thought about broke students with shitty phones just like him for once. Taking a deep breath, Jeno clicked on the notification that had told him that a potential benefactor wanted to text him. Well that was quick. A lot quicker than he had anticipated. When the app had finally loaded with the shitty wifi he definitely not stole from his dorm neighbor (he had set his password as 1234, he was begging to have it stolen), a profile of a woman showed up. She smiled warmly in the picture she had chosen and it seemed to be taken at some tropical place judging by the palm trees in the background. Jeno quickly skimmed through the rest of her profile that only said that she wasn’t that much older than him. Well she was but not to the extent where she could have been his mother - ew. As her job she just had just listed estate agent. Did that pay well? Jeno didn’t know. His thumb hovered over the pastel button that said ‘accept’. If he would press this, this wasn’t just a ‘I’ll take a look at this app for Donghyuck’s sake’ then he was actually invested. But even if he accepted, he was not entitled to the woman. He could still say no if she turned out to be a creep. Hell, he didn’t even have to meet her ever if he didn’t like chatting with her. Before his courage could leave him, Jeno quickly accepted the offer and a new page opened that looked just like every other messenger.

To: Jenonono You’re up late.

What a weird way to open up a conversation. But it certainly was better than perverted innuendos or a ‘hi’ like Jaemin was continuously whining over whenever he had reinstalled tinder. But what was he supposed to reply? Should he try to act cute and coy? Was that what she would be looking for? But before he could even type anything, she had sent another message.

To: Jenonono You don’t seem like the typical boy you find on here.

What was that supposed to mean?

From: Jenonono I’m not? what are those like then?

To: Jenonono They’re not as handsome as you.

At that Jeno flushed a deep red color. He wasn’t used to such blatant flirting.

To: Jenonono I really like the blonde on you but the darker color is cute as well.

From: Jenonono it’s dark right now

As soon as he hit send, Jeno wanted to hit himself. What was she supposed to answer to that message? God he was such an idiot.

To: Jenonono Cute. Are you nervous?

From: Jenonono I have never done this before and didn’t think someone would message someone like me

To: Jenonono I haven’t been doing this for long either. And what do you mean by ‘someone like me’?

From: Jenonono you said yourself that I’m not the typical boy you would find on here...

To: Jenonono Well occasionally there is a diamond between all the rocks.

Jeno wasn’t sure if this was even an actual saying but it made him feel warm nevertheless.

From: Jenonono you’re pretty forward with your flirting

To: Jenonono Am I making you shy, baby?

As if to prove her point, Jeno almost choked on his own saliva, coughing loudly which ultimately woke up Bongsik who threw him a very much not amused gaze. He hadn’t known that just reading the word baby would have such an effect on him. A voice in the back of his head that sounded a little too much like Donghyuck called him a ‘bottom bitch’. Biting his lip he contemplated whether he should flirt back. Up until now it was fun talking to her. And he still had nothing to lose.

From: Jenonono What if I maybe blushed just the smallest bit?

To: Jenonono You’re so cute. I’m glad I found you. But you should go sleep, baby. It’s late already.

From: Jenonono shouldn’t you be asleep as well then?

To: Jenonono I just came back from a long flight and my bed seems a little lonely.

Was this his chance to get a little flirtatious himself? Was she testing him?

From: Jenonono would you want me there with you? so it’s not as lonely?

To: Jenonono That does sound very tempting, baby boy. Let me take you out for a meal before I take you to bed.

Jeno’s breath caught in his throat for a little before he broke out in little giggles. He had completely forgotten how good it felt to feel wanted between all the stress that his life currently was. Maybe but just maybe Donghyuck had been right and this truly could be the solution for many of his problems.

From: Jenonono is that an invitation?

To: Jenonono How does lunch tomorrow sound like baby? I’ll treat you to something delicious.

Gnawing at his thumb, Jeno read the message over and over. He didn’t even know the woman. Meeting up with her might be a risk. For all he knew she could be a serial killer.

To: Jenonono I know this is sudden. But I want to get to know you better. Face to face. Not just over a stupid text box.

Taking a deep breath, Jeno took all his courage and replied with shaking fingers.

From: Jenonono I have a little break between my last class of the day and before I have to go to my part time job.

To: Jenonono There is a cute little bistro not too far from where I remember the main dorm buildings were. [link attached]

Clicking on the link, a website opened and showed him a French-style bistro that judging by the address was right between his dorm and the record shop. He should be able to do it. Curiously he clicked on the menu and immediately regretted it. The prices were ridiculous. For the price of a simple piece of bread, he could easily feed Bongsik and himself for two days.

From: Jenonono isn’t this a little too much?

To: Jenonono Let me spoil you, baby. Just tell me the time and I’ll make sure that I can be there.

From: Jenonono would around one work for you?

To: Jenonono I’ll be there. I’m looking forward to meeting you. Now sleep tight and have sweet dreams, baby.

From: Jenonono maybe I’ll even dream of you

Screaming into his pillow, Jeno threw his phone away. He couldn’t believe that he just send that. Quickly grabbing his kitten, he pressed his face into her soft fur while she struggled in his hold. “Bongsik I have a date,” he whispered, “An actual date. With a potentially very rich woman. I can’t believe I actually did that.”

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter eighteen

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca sees her again in the most unexpected place.

ao3 link

*

Chloe couldn’t remember a time where she’d been happier. Just over a year ago, she found herself on the verge of giving up by letting the drugs and the emotional abuse consume her whole, and now… she felt at peace. 

Fulfilled. Brave. Loved. 

Beca and Marleigh were her whole world, and Chloe still had a hard time truly believing that this was her life, now. 

“The itsy bitsy spider, went up the water spout,” Chloe sang as her pointer and middle fingers walked up Marleigh’s stomach. “Down came the rain and whoop!” Her fingers disappeared. “Washed the spider out!” 

Marleigh giggled, her laughter Chloe’s new favorite sound. She was completely obsessed with her daughter and the new things she discovered every single day. Marleigh now slept through the nights and was otherwise a very chill baby, who loved cubes, ladyfingers, rolling over, and listening to Beca or Chloe sing. 

Chloe gasped when she heard the door open. “Who’s that?? Is that Auntie Beca?” 

Beca soon rounded the corner, grinning as she slung her messenger bag over her shoulder. “Hi! You’re still up!”

Marleigh cooed and flailed her arms towards Beca, who lifted her from the bed and held her close. Chloe had witnessed plenty of moments like these between the two, but they never failed to make her heart swell. 

“I was waiting until you got home to put her to bed,” Chloe murmured with a smile, knowing how much Beca loved to take part in Marleigh’s bedtime routine. “I already changed her diaper, if you wanna sing her to sleep?” 

Beca nodded, and Chloe stood up, pressing a few kisses to her daughter’s chubby cheek. 

“Goodnight, my love,” she murmured. 

While Beca put her down, Chloe changed for bed. Ever since they got together, Chloe had been sleeping in Beca’s room. They hadn’t gone much further than making-out so far, and Beca proved to be incredibly patient while Chloe found her footing again when it came to intimacy. 

Beca flopped down face first on the bed when she came back ten minutes later, drawing a giggle from Chloe as she slipped under the sheets. “You alright there?” 

Beca’s groan was muffled by the comforter. “M’tired. Picky artists suck.” 

Chloe smiled in sympathy as she reached out to knead Beca’s shoulder. “At least tomorrow is Saturday? You get to sleep in.” 

Beca rolled her head to the side. “Yeah.” She propped herself up on her elbows and craned her neck to brush a kiss to Chloe’s lips. “Hello.” 

“Hi there,” Chloe breathed out, giggling softly. She dipped back in for a longer kiss, and Beca hummed as she shifted to her side, her hand falling to Chloe’s hip. 

Their slow, exploratory liplock soon turned into something heavier, tongues dancing together and hands roaming under clothing. 

“Wanna slow down?” Beca asked as she laid on top of her, panting slightly.

Chloe shook her head and tugged her down into another hungry kiss. Her hips rolled against Beca’s, and Beca groaned against her mouth, her hand slipping under Chloe’s shirt to run up her side. 

Chloe wasn’t ready for her arousal to be chased away by a wave of panic. She tensed under Beca’s touch, memories she thought she’d gotten rid of flashing behind her eyes, and was pushing Beca away in the next beat.

“Sorry,” she whispered when she realized what she’d done. Embarrassment coated her cheeks with red, and she avoided Beca’s gaze as she sat up. “I’m sorry.” 

“Hey, no,” Beca murmured as she sat back on her heels. “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.” 

Chloe scratched at her forehead as she drew her knees to her chest. She could feel the craving for some coke rise within her, to make her forget about those nights. She pressed her palms to her eyes. “Fuck.” 

“Do you… wanna talk?” Beca asked after a few beats of silence. 

Chloe opened her eyes to find twin twinkles of worry staring back at her. She glanced back down to the comforter. “I think… I think I’m dragging some trauma from-- from the stuff that would happen at the club. With--with the customers.” 

Beca nodded slowly, reaching out to slide her hand into Chloe’s and squeezing. Chloe drew in a shaky inhale.

“I… I got used to my body being used in various ways, but never for my own pleasure,” she explained, looking down at their joined hands. “It was just pure sex, whatever the customer wanted me to do to them. Sometimes it was too rough, but I couldn’t say anything because I really needed the money,” she whispered, a sense of shame gripping her insides.

“And I think… that I blocked it all out at some point. It felt like my body didn’t belong to me anymore, and now…” She blinked back the tears pricking in her eyes. “I’m having a hard time reconnecting with it.” She thought it wouldn’t be a problem, as she had taken care of herself when her pregnancy hormones went wild, but being intimate with someone else was a lot different. “It’s not that I don’t trust you,” she said, eventually looking back up. “I do. It’s just... a me thing.”

Beca blinked back her own tears. “What I want the most is for things to feel good for you when we do take that step,” she murmured. “And if you need more time to get to that letting go point, then we’ll wait. And if you never reach it, then that’s okay, too. I don’t… need sex to be happy, you know? I’m already happier than I ever thought I’d be, thanks to you and MJ.” 

“You really mean that?” Chloe asked, quietly. “About the sex part?”

Beca nodded. “I do. I promise.” 

Chloe hoped she would feel comfortable having sex again at some point, but it felt incredibly reassuring to know Beca wouldn’t leave if she never did. 

“Thank you,” Chloe murmured, not surprised but still in awe of Beca’s love and patience for her. “I really don’t deserve you.” 

Beca smiled. “That’s weird, I was telling myself the same thing about you earlier today.” 

Chloe’s cheeks warmed, and her heart swelled in her chest. “I love you.” 

“I love you too, Chlo.” 

*

Spring warmed to summer. 

With Marleigh growing more and more curious about the world around her, they spent a lot of time outside, whenever the temperatures were bearable. Marleigh was obsessed with dogs, squealing every time she saw one and crawling after it in hopes of catching up before Chloe or Beca would snatch her back. 

She was already showing a mischievous side, and Chloe knew her toddler years were bound to be interesting. 

“Do you ever see yourself living elsewhere?” Chloe found herself asking one afternoon at the park. 

They laid on the blanket in the shade of a large oak tree, Marleigh having fallen asleep between them. The eight-month-old could sleep anywhere as long as she had her lovey. 

Beca glanced at her. “Elsewhere than New York, you mean? Or like, another country?” 

“Other than New York. Like, somewhere where we could have a garden, and maybe a dog. And where we don’t have to drive over an hour to find a forest.” 

Beca smiled as she folded an arm under her head. “I like the sound of that. I have the label to manage, but a lot of stuff can be done from home. So maybe somewhere within a two-hour drive from here so I can come down twice a week?” 

Chloe nodded. “Maybe after I’m done with college?” 

She was going back to vet school in a few months to get her vet tech training, and that would take her a year to complete before she could apply to jobs. 

“Sounds like a good plan, babe,” Beca said. “We could start looking in the new year?” 

Excitement swirled in Chloe’s stomach over the knowledge that Beca was on board, and she beamed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Beca murmured. “Maybe somewhere around Poughkeepsie or Beacon? With four bedrooms and space to make an office or a studio?” 

“Four bedrooms?” Chloe asked, cocking an eyebrow as an amused smile tickled the corners of her lips. “How many kids do you see us having, exactly?” 

Beca chuckled. “Maybe three? If you want to, I mean. I’m also perfectly happy with our family as it is now.” 

Chloe’s heart felt fit to burst over Beca’s words. “I think three is a good number.”

They headed home around six and had dinner, then gave Marleigh a bath and read her a story before bedtime. Chloe stepped into the kitchen a bit after, where Beca was washing the dishes. 

She wrapped her arms around her waist, pressing a few kisses along the side of her neck. “Come to bed?” 

They hadn’t had sex since their talk but continued to explore through make-out sessions that gradually got more intense. Beca was incredible, always in sync with Chloe’s feelings and regularly checking that she was okay. Chloe could feel herself getting more and more comfortable with the idea of taking that step, and she was thinking she was ready to give it a try tonight. 

Beca hummed. “I’ll be right there.” 

Chloe was lying atop the covers when Beca rounded the corner, and she set her book aside, raising a curious eyebrow when Beca remained in the doorway, gazing at her with a look Chloe couldn’t identify. “What?” 

“You’re beautiful,” she murmured. 

Chloe felt her face warm-up, and she rolled her eyes softly. “Get over here, weirdo.” 

Beca laughed and stepped closer, climbing onto the mattress and crawling over Chloe. “Is that what you meant by here?” 

“Yes,” Chloe breathed out as she looped her arms around Beca’s neck and craned hers to brush her smiling lips against Beca’s. She bent her knees and wrapped her legs around Beca’s waist, a thrill of pleasure coursing through her as Beca’s hips met hers in a gentle roll. 

Chloe took the lead and deepened the kiss, skimming her tongue over Beca’s bottom lip. A moan spilled into the liplock as Beca answered with equal enthusiasm, one hand drifting down to rub her outer thigh. 

“I want this,” Chloe breathed out after a while, her lips kiss-swollen and her eyes darkened with lust. 

Beca kissed her softly. “Are you sure?” 

Chloe’s head bobbed up and down in a near desperate nod. “Yes.” 

“We can stop at any time,” Beca murmured. “Promise me you’ll say it if you’ve changed your mind?” 

Chloe reached up to cradle her cheek. “I promise.” She sat up and whipped her top over her head. Her body was different; she still had some lingering baby weight, but she considered herself too thin before the pregnancy, and she liked how she looked now. 

“Jesus,” Beca rasped as she took in the sight before her. 

Chloe couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at her the way Beca was doing now, with so much love and desire it made her breathing hitch. 

Beca leaned in, re-attaching their lips together as her hand roamed up and down Chloe’s side in a featherlight touch, enticing goosebumps in its wake. Beca’s lips then traveled along the edge of Chloe’s jaw and down her neck in hot, open-mouthed kisses. A moan spilled past Chloe’s parted lips when she latched onto her pulse point, and her back arched off the bed, searching for some kind of relief where she needed it the most. 

Beca continued to explore, kissing her way down Chloe’s chest, towards her breasts. While her palm wrapped around the right one, she swirled her tongue around Chloe’s left nipple, drawing a gasp from Chloe. 

“Too sensitive?” Beca asked, lifting her head. 

“No, no,” Chloe assured her. “It’s-- it feels really good.” 

Smiling, Beca dipped back in and spent the next minute focused on her left breast until she noticed Chloe squirming underneath her. “Okay?” 

“Yeah, I just-- I might come if you keep going like that.” 

Beca puffed out a breath, her cheeks turning redder. “Can I touch you?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe said, then pushed a kiss to Beca’s lips, her whimper swallowed by Beca as she slipped her hand between Chloe’s legs and cupped her. Chloe broke the kiss to take a sharp inhale as Beca moved her fingers in a light stroking motion. 

“Okay?” She asked as she rested her forehead against Chloe’s. 

“Yes,” Chloe breathed, raking her teeth over her bottom lip. Her hips tilted towards the contact, seeking more pressure. Chloe stilled Beca’s hand after a handful of seconds and sat up to shimmy her underwear down her legs. “Better.” 

Beca smiled and placed her hand to its initial position, a moan surfacing from her throat as she felt Chloe’s slickness. “Can I-- I wanna taste you.” 

At a loss for words, Chloe could only nod, her breath growing shallow at Beca’s request. She watched as Beca slithered down, leaving kisses in her wake until she settled on her stomach between Chloe’s legs. She kissed her way along Chloe’s inner thigh, slowly but surely reaching her destination. 

“Oh,” Chloe let out at that first exploratory lap through her folds, propping herself on her elbows to get a better view. One set of fingers gripped a fistful of the sheets while the other tangled through Beca’s hair. A gasp followed soon after, any ounce of apprehension left in her dissipating. “Baby.” 

The groan Beca emitted against her sent a zap of pleasure down Chloe’s spine. Her fingers tightened around the sheets as Beca alternated between lapping at her and stimulating her clit with licks and flicks. Beca clearly knew what she was doing, using the right tempo and pressure to draw out Chloe’s pleasure and not bring her to that climax too quickly. 

Mewls and whimpers echoed against the walls as the coil grew tighter and tighter with each ticking minute. Chloe’s elbows gave out at some point as her body started shaking with her incoming orgasm. 

She knew it was going to hit her like a freight train, yet was taken aback by its power as she released a throaty cry. Her body spasmed with each wave of intense pleasure as she let herself go, Beca’s name tumbling past her lips in a sweet prayer. 

“Oh my god,” she breathed as she basked in the lingering haziness following her climax, attempting to regulate her breathing. 

Beca made her way back up, capturing Chloe’s lips in a deep kiss before flopping onto her side. “Are you okay?” She asked, running her fingertips along Chloe’s side.

Chloe hummed, smiling. “Mmm. Okay is definitely an understatement,” she murmured as she chased Beca’s lips for another kiss. Once she had regained feeling in all four limbs, Chloe rolled on top of her. “Your turn.”

Chloe wasn’t sure at what time they fell asleep, wrapped up around each other as they basked into their newfound connection. There was one thing she knew for sure, however, and it was that the future had never looked so bright. 

[bwamp-bwamp]

Maintaining Sterility (One-Shot)

(Y/N) had been cooped up in their room, reading over their study guide like some sort of religious scripture. The only time the band had seen them was earlier that morning, scarfing down their breakfast before getting up and going back to the room with a scolding hot cup of coffee. That was five hours ago and their once hot beverage was now cold and untouched. In those five hours of solitude, (Y/N) read over one guide multiple times until they were sure it was forever embedded into their mind and was now working on doing the same with another classes guide.

The four band members decided that today, they would have a chill day, nothing but straight chilling. So, they all thought it would be good to watch a movie, the only problem was that someone was missing, that someone was (Y/N). Each member took their shot at getting their friend to come out and watch the movie with the others, the first being Ace, who knocked and spoke through the door. When he didn't get a response, he simply shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the others. When asked about why they weren't with him, he stated that he didn't get an answer. The next person to attempt was Russel, who had the same results aside from a grunt.

Your P.O.V

I was busy reading over the steps of gowning a surgeon and assistant for surgery when there was a third knock at my door. I guess they decided it was time to bring out the big guns when I heard Noodle's voice come from the other side. Sighing, I tell her that they can start it without me and I'll be there in twenty minutes. She wasn't easy to persuade but after about five minutes she said she'd tell the overs. I so desperately wanted to see the movie with them but I needed to study, I needed to pass my classes. I heard the faint noise of the movie playing in the living room, causing a small frown to form on my face.

I wasn't sure how long I had been studying for, but I guess it was twenty minutes because I had heard a knock on my door, then heard it open while being followed by 2D's voice. "(Y/N)? It's almost been forty-five minutes, are you coming to watch the rest of the movie?" I slouched forward more and laid my head on my desk with a loud thud. Stuart walked over to me and sat on my bed, beside my desk looking at me confused. "I can't, I have to study for my exams. The last thing I need is to fail them, I'm sorry." The middle aged man relaxed a bit when he seen how important it was to me.

Reaching over, he grabbed the stapled sheets of paper and pulled them from underneath my head, then looked at the last page. "194 questions?" I gave a groan in response to his question, causing him to smile. "If you want, I can help to study." Lifting my head, there's a red mark on my forehead from the desk, that causes the once black eyed man to stifle a chuckle. "You'd rather help me study than watch the last of the movie?" I raised an eyebrow at him as he nodded his head in reply. "Sure, besides we can rewatch it after the testing is done for. Now, what class is this for?" "Vet assisting."

He flipped through the review packet before looking over the question and answers, making a disgusted face at the question, then reading it to me out loud. "Worms that live in the large intestine and leave football-shaped eggs in the feces are?" I answered before he had the chance to read off the answer options. "That's easy, whipworms. Next." He shrugged and flipped to a different page before reading one. "Blood chemistry analyzers may use? A. Water only B. Serum C. Feces or D. Electrolytes?" I was quiet for a moment, thinking of which it could be after getting rid of choice a and c. "Um.... electrolytes?" "No, not electrolytes." "Then serum?" He nodded his head looking through other questions on that page.

This went on until he asked every question at least three times and I was answering most of them right the first time. Russel had peeked into the room when 2D never returned from checking on me.

2D's P.O.V

"What procedure is a veterinary assistant preforming when they soak items in a disinfectant chemical until items are used in medical treatment? A. Dry heat sterilization B. Autoclave sterilization C. Cold sterilization or D. Filtrated sterilization?" Some of these questions they had to know were difficult for me, some were difficult them, but for the most part they were getting them right on the first try which gave me a sense of pride. "Cold sterilization."

I smiled and nodded as they got another right. I looked at two other questions on this sheet, deciding to ask them before making (Y/N) take a break for food and something to drink other than their cold coffee from breakfast. "A neutered male rabbit is called a what? A. Lapin B. Doe C. Buck or D. Kindling?" "Lapin!" They smiled widely as I gave them a thumbs up before returning the smile. "Alright, last one for now. If a prescription reads 150 mg PO BID x 14 days, the BID stands for what?" Before I could say the options, I was cut off with the answer. "Twice a day."

I had set the papers back down on (Y/N)'s desk and stood up to stretch. "Alright lets go get you something to eat and drink." They whined in disagreement as I made my way to the door, turning back around when I heard their stomach growl, agreeing with my decision. "Even your stomach is saying to feed yourself, so let's go." I open the door and walk out, hearing a second set of footsteps following behind, then a door closing before the footsteps continue.

Once in the kitchen, (Y/N) grabs the things they needed to make a sandwich while I made peppermint tea for us both. I look over at them and see they already had the bread on a plate and was in the process of opening the container the meat was kept in. That, for some reason, reminded me of something that happened when they were answering one of the questions, causing me to ask them the same question, hoping they respond in the same fashion as before.

"(Y/N), how must the gown pack provided for surgery be opened?" The smile on my face could be heard while I asked them. They remained quiet for a moment while picking up a slice of the meat, Noodle walking in during the moment of silence. "It must be opened maintaining sterilityyyyyyy!!" (Y/N) screeched the last bit of "sterility" as they pinched a corner of the meat and carefully placed it on a slice of bread, causing me to laugh.

The screech wasn't too loud, but it was loud enough to have Noodle looking at them completely and utterly confused, making me laugh harder than before. "What the fuck? Are you okay?" "Honestly? Your guess on that is as good as mine because I just don't know anymore."

END

That actually happened, like the screech. Yeah it was a real thing that took place. So if you haven't guessed by now, I'm not exactly okay, but that's fine. Anyway, hope you enjoyed.

(This was written when it was halfway through the school year, never realized I didn’t post it here, so enjoy it’s late ass)

[spookyfbi]

Another untitled Klave fic

I’m like 95% certain that Klaus changed the timeline so Dave never met him so even though I don’t want it I still made a fic about it in the hopes that maybe if I write it down it won’t happen in the show. Also some Ben angst because of course

Klaus walked into the Veterans of Foreign Wars bar and glanced at the wall where he knew Dave’s photo was. He’d go see Dave in a minute, but he needed a drink first. Oh god, he needed a drink, or several. Actually, he needed a line of coke, but a drink would suffice for now. He could imagine Ben’s whine… Don’t do it, Klaus… Be strong, Klaus… Oh, Ben. He missed his brother. That emo Ben doppelgänger and his pals had done a number on Klaus and his siblings back at the Academy, and after being unceremoniously thrown out of their former home, Five had told them not to separate, but Alison had wanted to go see Claire (if her daughter was even alive in this timeline) and they all just sort of dispersed to see what this new timeline was all about. Klaus didn’t much care who he was in this timeline, he just needed a little pick-me-up after… everything. So he grabbed a shot glass and filled it with some spirit or other and sent it down the hatch.

Klaus downed a few more shots and then stumbled his way over to Dave. He looked at the photo and… wait. Wait, what? Klaus furrowed his brow as he stared at the photo through the glass. Dave wasn’t in the photo, and for that matter, neither was Klaus. Klaus leaned in to the photo, reaching his hands out to the glass, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He was vaguely aware of someone approaching and standing next to him.

“Hey…” the man said.

Klaus sighed and waved the man away without taking his eyes from the photo. “Yeah yeah, I know, Vets only. Look, I’m kind of having a moment here, if you don’t mind, so kindly buzz off and leave me alone.” Klaus just felt so tired and he just wanted to see his dead boyfriend’s face without having to deal with some asshole who thought he didn’t belong.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just… I always hoped I’d see you again. So I could thank you.”

Klaus rolled his eyes. Oh god… He grabbed the man’s hand and looked at his palm. No ‘Hello’ or ‘Good bye’. “Oh, thank god.” Not a cult member. He let go of the man’s hand and returned his gaze back to the photo and something nagged at him at the back of his mind that he might have paid attention to if he were more sober.

“Y’know, you were wrong about A Shau Valley, Hill 689. I was never sent there. But you were right about Dune, so thanks for the book recommendation.”

Klaus froze. Slowly he turned to look at this man, and god… those familiar kind blue eyes looked back at him, hidden under more than a few wrinkles.

“It wasn’t published till 1965 though, so that’s kind of interesting, considering you told me about it in 1963.” The elderly Dave that stood before him folded his arms with a playful smirk.

Klaus let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and it came out as a sob, along with the tears that were burning his eyes, and once he started he couldn’t stop. Klaus wept in this Veteran’s bar in front of an elderly Dave who knew him only as a peacenik cult leader who tried and failed to persuade him not to enlist. He wept for Dave and he wept for Ben and he wept for himself and he wept for the cut on his lip that still stung whenever he thought about it, and he tried not to think about it, tried to drown the memory in as much booze as he could manage.

“Hey…” Dave’s smirk vanished and he looked at Klaus with concern. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he placed a hand on Klaus’ arm and god… to feel Dave’s touch again. It was too much and not enough and everything and Klaus drew in a shaky breath but it came out in another sob. Dave moved his hand to Klaus’ back and gestured to a nearby seat. “Come on, why don’t you sit down, I’ll get you a drink.”

Klaus sat down and took a few deep breaths, rubbing his eyes with his palms. Slowly he felt himself calming down, and Dave returned with a large glass of very light beer and Klaus had to smile. He took the beer and cradled it between his hands. “I’m sorry…” he began, looking sheepishly at Dave, who took the seat next to him.

Dave shook his head. “Oh, no. You’re clearly going through something.” Dave let it hang for a moment and then when Klaus didn’t respond, “I know I’m just some stranger you haven’t seen since 1963, but… if you want to talk…”

And he did, god he did. He wanted to talk to Dave… or to Ben… or to anyone who would listen or care how he was feeling. But what could he possibly tell this Dave that wouldn’t sound completely insane? “I lost my brother… earlier today” It was still today, wasn’t it? Or was it yesterday? Or was it more accurate to say 56 years ago?

“I’m so sorry.” Dave said gently. “I know how much it hurts to lose someone.”

Klaus straightened up and looked at Dave. “You do?”

Dave nodded. “My husband, Frank. Complications related to Alzheimers, 3 years ago. He was 74, so it wasn’t exactly unexpected, but… I still miss him every day. But we had 52 happy years together.”

“I’m sorry.” Klaus whispered. He was never good at math when dear old Dad wanted him to be, but he was pretty quick when it was important to him, even when he was high or drunk. Figuring out if he was getting a good deal on the shit he was being sold, figuring out how far he could stretch it when money was a little tight. Klaus found his mind making the calculation before he’d even meant to. 2019 - 3 - 52 = 1964. That closeted 19 year old who couldn’t even admit the real reason he wanted to enlist in the army somehow met a young man named Frank only a year later who he would end up marrying. Dave met a man named Frank in 1964, which meant that Dave and this Frank were together in 1968. Dave was not single in 1968. Dave had a long and happy life with a man named Frank. Klaus didn’t know how to feel.

“It feels good to remember him. To talk about him.” Dave leaned forward and cocked his head. “Would you like to talk about your brother?”

Klaus closed his eyes and nodded. “Ben…” he whispered, then he sniffed. “He was always looking out for me. But he was sorta mean and whiny about it sometimes. Be strong Klaus, don’t give into temptation Klaus, have some eggs and orange juice Klaus, don’t forget to go to your AA meeting Klaus…”

“AA?” Dave looked down at the beer Klaus was holding and gently took it back from him and placed it on a nearby table. He looked back at Klaus with a kind smile.

“Oh, like that one beer would’ve made a difference. I had seven shots of rum just now and a half a bottle of tequila before I got here.”

“Well, it’s never too late to stop.”

“Why bother?” Klaus leaned back in the seat and gazed at Dave and god if this were his Dave who could love him and live the rest of his life with him he might consider it, but… “I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried. I’m just sexy trash. I know this and I accept it. Why fight it?” Klaus reached for the beer but Dave slid it further away. “You know it’s free drinks here, I could just get some more myself.” Dave said nothing but just looked at Klaus and Klaus looked back at Dave and he told himself he could get up and get some more booze if he wanted to but something in him held him in his seat. “What do you care anyway, old man?”

“I could ask you the same question. What did you care if some kid from Dallas enlisted in the army and died in the Vietnam war?” Klaus sighed. How could he possibly begin to answer that question? How could he possibly explain it to this Dave? “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’ve gone this long without an answer.” Dave shifted in his seat. “I don’t think your trash, far from it.”

Klaus pointed at Dave. “But you do think I’m sexy.”

Dave chuckled. “Well I am very gay. And I may be old, but my eyes are still fully functioning. So yeah, I think you’re sexy. And you’re confident and brave in a way that I really wanted to be when I was younger. Y’know, I thought about you, when I saw Frank in a bar in Saigon. He was so handsome and I wanted to go up and talk to him. I was so scared, but I thought of you. I thought of how… completely unapologetic and unashamed you were when my uncle called you a queer. And I thought… I can do it. I can be like that too. I was so nervous. But I thought of you and I felt a little bit braver. And I did it. My hands were shaking the whole time, but I did it. I said hi and I asked if I could buy him a drink and he said yes. And we talked and we danced and… god, I was shaking all over, but… I kissed him. And he kissed me back, and that was it, we were inseparable ever since. You inspired me. You inspired me to talk to Frank and we had a wonderful life together. You may not have saved me from enlisting but you saved me in another way. You saved me from myself. I always wanted to tell you that.”

“Oh, god…” Klaus leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “That’s so wonderful.” He felt like he was going to be sick. “I’m a god damn fucking gay love guru.” A bar in Saigon. Drinks, dancing, talking, a kiss. It was a familiar story, just with a different love interest. Frank, that lucky bastard, whoever he was.

“Hey, are you okay?” Klaus felt Dave’s hand on his back and it was warm… hot, it was too hot and too much because Dave fell in love with a man named Frank in a bar in Saigon in 1964.

Klaus sat back up. “Oh yeah, I’m peaches and cream, baby. I’m…” Klaus forced the words out, “…so happy for you. It’s just, y’know, what’s that story about the Cobbler with no feet?”

“The Cobbler’s children have no shoes?”

“Right.”

Dave seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I don’t mean to burden you while you’re grieving. I wanted you to know what it meant to me to see someone like you when I was younger, but… not if it upsets you. I can go if you’d rather be alone right now.”

“No please don’t go” the words slipped out before Klaus could hold them back because god, he hadn’t been alone in 17 years, and the thought of it frightened him.

Dave nodded.

“Y’know, Ben didn’t think I should talk to you, back in 1963.” Klaus let out a chuckle. “I wish I could see the look on his face right now.”

“What would he say?”

“Oh, I don’t know, he’d probably say I shouldn’t be talking to you right now.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh…” Klaus shook his head. “It’s… so complicated…” Klaus pointed a finger at Dave “Hey, do me a favour. Promise me you won’t ever time travel. That shit’ll mess you up.”

Dave chuckled. “Sure, next time I’m offered the opportunity to time travel.”

“Yeah…” Klaus looked down. “Ben was a good brother. And I was kind of a shitty brother.” He looked back up at Dave. “In my defence, I had a shitty childhood. When I left home at 17, Ben came with me, and he’s been with me ever since, an annoying angel on my shoulder whining at me about how I was screwing up my life. Until this afternoon…”

“Sounds irritating”

“Oh god, you have no idea! So irritating! But… as much as I hate to admit it, he did talk me out of some of the dumber shit I could have done. He was just looking out for me. And I didn’t really appreciate it. And now he’s gone and I’m…” Klaus swallowed. “I’m scared.” He’d never been this open with anyone before, except for Dave. But this wasn’t his Dave. But it felt so good to pretend, to share his burdens with someone who actually listened and didn’t just see him as a no good junkie. “I’m scared…” he chuckled nervously, avoiding eye contact. “of the dumb shit I’m going to do without him telling me not to.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, y’know, I mean… well us junkies do have a tendency to find ourselves overdosed in some ditch somewhere.”

Dave looked at him for what felt like the longest time and Klaus chuckled to lighten the mood but it didn’t seem to work. “Do you know the assisted living facility just up the road?” Klaus shook his head because why on earth would he? Dave gestured behind Klaus. “It’s that big building with the blue roof, you can’t miss it.”

Klaus looked back and he could see it through the bar window. “Okay…” he said, turning back to Dave.

“I live there. Frank and I moved there when he started… forgetting things.” Dave cleared his throat. “Anyway… if you feel like you’re gonna do something dumb, or if you just want to talk, you come there and see me, okay? I’ll tell the girls who work reception to expect you, they’re really nice.”

Klaus felt his lower lip trembling and he smiled to keep from crying again. He swallowed hard. “Oh… I’ve guilted you into saying that…”

“No, not at all”

“Come on…”

“Look, I’m an old widower with no kids who lives in a nursing home. I don’t get too many visitors. I’d love for you to come talk to me, about anything you like. That is, if you’d ever want to visit a lonely old man in a nursing home.”

Klaus couldn’t hold back his sob this time. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Dave smiled.

“Hey… this might sound weird, and feel free to say no if you like, but…” Klaus took a deep breath and it was getting easier to see his Dave beneath all those wrinkles. “Can I lean my head on your shoulder?” When Dave didn’t respond immediately, Klaus shook his head. “You can say no, I mean, that was… really forward, I just…”

“Sure” Klaus peered at Dave carefully, and Dave smiled warmly and nodded, holding his arm out in invitation. So Klaus rested his head on Dave’s shoulder, and Dave put his arm around Klaus, and Klaus let the tears come. “I know sometimes it’s nice to be held, when you’re upset.”

“Yeah…” Klaus sobbed through the tears.

[embry-tea]

Word Generator with Byakuya Togami, Nagito Komaeda, Gundham Tanaka, Kokichi Ouma, Beta Junko Enoshima, and Beta Ibuki Mioda!!!

Cursing!!!

вуαкυуα Тσgαмι 💵

"Piano"

~+^+~

Byakuya was a very intelligent man. He had to be, if he wasn't, he'd disappoint everyone. He knew how to do many things that would never be useful for him, such as sewing or how to make ceramic dishes. He also was well versed in planning instruments. Violin, bass, harp - he knew how to play each one. While he wasn't a big fan of piano, he still knew how to play it. Maybe it would come in handy one day....

"Are you alright? You seem troubles," Togami questioned his partner as they walked into the library. It wasn't very often they looked visible sad, so naturally Byakuya was concerned.

"I need to practice this song for my next performance, which isn't a problem in itself, I already know the lyrics, pace - I know how to sing the song. Issue is, to perfect the song, I'd have to sing while the main instrument plays. But the only person I know that plays piano is Kaede Akamatsu, and she broke her arm," they ranted while slightly pacing back and forth. Byakuya thought carefully about what they said. He knew how to play piano, but he didn't enjoy playing the instrument. However, his lover someone had the ability to make normal "commoner" activities fun. He made a decision.

"I know how to play the piano, I could help you." The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. Their eyes lit up and they marveled at him. "Really? Wow, you surprise me everyday!" they exclaimed, before pulling Togami into a hug. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!!"

"Anything for you, love."

~+Є^И^∂+~

Иαgιтσ К��мαє∂α 🍀 (They're seniors in college in the story.)

"Memory"

~+^+~

Nagito had the habit to suddenly remember things at the most random points in time. Example, a few months back, he suddenly remembered a time his mother bought him a really ugly stuffed dog. Despite it's ugliness, Nagito loved it. It was a gift from his mother and she knew it was ugly. She knew Nagito would like because it was an ugly toy. Nagito could never control when he suddenly had random memories of the past, but maybe his luck would make it come right on time....

Nagito was very nervous. Today had gone well so far, his luck hadn't interfered yet but that doesn't it won't interfere at all. Today was a special day. It was his and his lover's anniversary; 4 years strong. Nagito had a very special surprise planned today: he was gonna propose. Right now, as the fireworks the loved

rs were watching were going off. Nagito sucked in a breath before starting off his miniature speech.

"Hope? I've been meaning to tell you something," Nagito started as they looked at him, quirking an eyebrow to signify they were listening. He continued, "We've been together for over four years now and, I don't know about you but things have been going pretty great in my mind, I have never been happier in my life," he paused. He had to do this. They turned their entire body to face him.

"I wondering if you would do me the honors," he spoke softly. But then his luck hit and he went silent.

"Ko? Are you okay?" they asked Komaeda carefully as he buried his face into his hands.

"It's gone." He didn't look up at you. "What's gone?" they asked, worried for their boyfriend.

"The ring! I planned this all week! Everything was going great, but the ring is gone!" he raved about his predicament. He had this entire planned out, but he never thought he would drop the ring! They attempted to comfort Nagito bug it didn't seem to work. An idea popped into their head. They also had something planned.

"Hey, love.You remember when we went to Hope's Peak and one day, I arrived to school without my school lunch card?" they asked him. Nagito looked up at them in confusion, but nodded anyway. "Yeah, I remember. You had to skip breakfast at home because you were late, and almost cried when you realized you didn't have it. I let you use mine that day because I wasn't planning on eating anyway."

They reached into your pocket, smiling. Covering Nagito's eyes with they're other arm, they pulled the small box put of their pocket before putting it into Komaeda's hand.

Komaeda stared in shock, they were planning the same thing.....

"Consider that my payment. Now come on. Let's go look for the other ring."

~+Є^И^∂+~

Gυи∂нαм Тαиαкα 🐹 (Place holder name will be Persephone. Pronouns are still GN.)

~+^+~

"Employment"

Persephone needed a job. And fast. They and their mother got into a fight - a very bad fight. She withdrew all her money from their college funds without warning, and no matter what Persephone did, she refused to put the money back. To add insult to injury, they got fired from their previous job without reason.

So here Persephone was now, walking home after a failed interview. 'We'll call you,' such bullshit. They were scowling at the ground, upset with the interviewer for being such an idiot. Persephone did everything right, they were sure of it. On the way back to their apartment, they passed by a vet clinic before reversing to look at the place. A "Help Wanted" sign was on the door for an assistant. They had basic knowledge of animals and animal healthcare, they knew how to be an assistant, how to make appointments, how to properly handle animals. This could work. To make it even better, they recognized the name as a place a classmate worked at. Gundham Tananka was it? Persephone entered the building.

"Hello? Anyone in here?" they asked out loud as they walked around the large front desk area. A few minutes of sitting in there, waiting for someone to appear, they eventually gave up and was about to gloomily walk out when a elder women walked in.

"Oh, hello, dearie. I came to get my dog checked up on. She's been acting funny recently," the woman spoke, holding a very adorable teacup dog.

"Um, is it an emergency? I could go get someone in here immediately," Persephone spoke, pointing to where the back was.

"No, not necessarily. She still seems very healthy and she's eating and doing number two just fine," the woman explained, Persephone looked at the calendar on the desk.

"Okay, well judging by the schedule, it seems that it'd be best to come back tomorrow and see if you could get in sometime on Wednesday or Friday. However, if it's easier for you, you could call us!" Persephone feigned working here just for a moment. The woman asked for the number and looking at the wall behind the women, they were able to read it out to her.

As the woman left, a deep voice came from behind Persephone.

"Are you looking for a job here?"

~+Є^И^∂+~

Кσкι¢нι Συмα 🤥 (Place holder name is Athena. Pronouns are they/them.)

"Advice"

~+^+~

What would someone do in this situation? Kokichi sat there, awkwardly rubbing Athena's back as they sobbed and raved about the most recent break-up they've had. From what Kokichi was able to clearly understand, they're ex was cheating on them with two other people. It really effected them. So much so, in fact, that before Ouma arrived, they cut/dyed their hair and self-pierced they're ears. What does Kokichi do?

Advice. He has to come up with the best damn advice he could think of.

"THEY HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO CALL ME THE WHORE. BITCH, I WILL FUCKING SET YOUR CAR ON FIRE," Athena shouted over their own sobbing, shoveling ice cream into their mouth. Perfect.

"I suck at giving advice, but I guess I could manage just this once," Ouma started, before continuing, "You should tell the other people since, from what I gathered, they don't know. Yet. You should also get in contact with his mother. Most moms I've met would be so mad at they're som in this situation."

Athena sighed, finally calming down their relentless sobbing. They fell back against the bed looking sadly at the ice cream between their legs. An idea arrived in their head.

"Ouma," his head snapped towards their face and not the ice cream begging him to eat it. "Could you help me with a... "prank"?"

"Sure! Although I never thought you would turn over to the dark side," Ouma teased in attempt to lighten the mood.

"It's not actually a prank, unless you want it be just a prank," Athena clarified. "Well then tell me what it is and then I'll decide," Ouma responded.

"Let's go on a date."

~+Є^И^∂+~

Jยภƙ๏ Єภ๏ร♄ί๓ค (๒єtค) 💄(Place holder name is Eros. Pronouns are GN.)

"Recipe"

~+^+~

'Do you have any allergies?' was the most random question Eros have ever received at 3 in the morning. They woke up to use the restroom but was overwhelmed with confusion by the text. It wasn't exactly abnormal for their girlfriend to be up late at night but 3 AM? Really? Of course, they sent an answer and asked her what she needed it for but the only response they received was, 'I love you a lot, night <3' Eros couldn't sleep when they got back to bed, worried with whatever it was that Junko was planning. In the midst of their thinking, they found themself falling back into slumber.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah!!! Wakeee upppp!!!" a familiar female shouted at the sleeping Eros. They lightly put a hand to the female arm, slightly pushing her away as they awoken.

"Junko...? What are you doing here? Isn't it really early?" they grumbled sitting up completely as their girlfriend handed them a coffee.

"Mm, for you sure. But it's around normal time for me," she responded, as she got up and walked over to Eros's desk in the corner. "What are you even doing here?" they questioned, ignoring the slight mocking from Junko.

"Well, as the great and gorgeous girlfriend I am, I decided to make you something," she answered, picking up a tray Eros didn't even notice and caring it over towards them. She sat the tray on their lap, careful not to make a mess. Junko removed the lid (is that what it's called?) from the plate revealing probably some of the most delicious food Eros has ever laid their eyes on.

"...I don't-I don't know what to say.... What's the catch?" they asked suspiciously. This was very uncommon behavior from their girlfriend. Junko rolled her eyes as she made her way to the other side of the bed, sitting next to them.

"There is no catch, I promise. You don't have to say anything, just eat," she said rather softly. They listened and ate began eating.

"Wow,this is really good. What's in it?"

"It's a secret family recipe. You'll know soon enough though." She winks.

~+Є^И^∂+~

Ί๒ยƙί ๓ί๏๔ค (๒єtค) 🎸 (Place holder name is Dionysus. Pronouns are GN. Place holder talent Ultimate Chemist.)

"Mall"

~+^+~

Going shopping with Ibuki was always a treat. She was very hyper and got really distracted a lot. Still, anytime Dionysus got to spend with her was precious. With their differences in jobs, they didn't get to see each other in person very often. Ibuki always traveling with Leon, making a name out of herself. Dionysus was always working on different mixtures and could rarely ever take a break, keeping them in the lab most of the time.

Ibuki gave a slight hop before turning to her lovely partner. "Hey, hey! Let's split up and go shopping! We have the entire week together so let's both try to have time to ourselves for a minute!" Ibuki proposed. Dionysus gave a nod in agreement. They came up with a time to meet back up here, and with that,Ibuki basically skipped away.

Dionysus just kinda wandered around before coming across a jewelry store. After sitting their for a moment thinking if they would go in, they finally made a choice and came up with a plan. They walked inside and looked around at the jewelry, but mostly just the engagement rings. Ibuki's birthstone was citrine and Dionysus knew Ibuki hated being the same as others. Therefore, it made sense she'd prefer something unique.

They picked out a ring for Ibuki and paid with their private banking account - can't have Ibuki getting curious and checking the shared account. Once they had left the store, the remaining time was spent wandering around the mall. Going into random stores, not really buying anything though.

They both met back up at the spot. As expected, Ibuki was very curious about what was in the unnamed bag.

"Pleaaasssseeeee! Please, please, pleaasssseeeeee!!!" Ibuki begged to know what was inside the mysterious bag as Dionysus just chuckled at her desperation.

"Sorry, can't tell you yet," they replied, not taking their eyes off the road. Ibuki pouted.

"Then when will you tell meee!?"

"Soon. Very soon."

[purplesurveys]

1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it?  My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for?  It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother:  She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13?  In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore?  Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend?  Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old?  Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)?  I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?  Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it?  Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you?  No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life?  EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating?  Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s?  I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out?  I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys?  Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house?  Nope.

What was the last soda you drank?  Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for?  I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery?  Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent?  No.

Who was the last person to hit on you?  No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to?  A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone?  Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs?  Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower?  Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about?  Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better?  I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life?  I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre?  Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre?  I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you?  Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority?  In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool?  Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body)  One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes?  No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently?  The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs?  Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark?  Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with?  Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems?  Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale?  Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese?  I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked?  I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack?  It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework?  Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants?  I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe?  No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off?  I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to?  Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail?  Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with?  I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read?  I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most?  College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled?  Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school?  No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into?  I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military?  Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song?  I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you?  Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test?  I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do?  I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl?  The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once?  I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive?  I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom?  Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed?  Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.)  I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it?  Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah. 

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about?  I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them?  I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with?  Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before?  Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability?  Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you?  Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it?  I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid?  I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income?  Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits?  I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little?  Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health?  Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative?  Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason?  Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like?  I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases?  Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be?  Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees?  Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like?  No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you?  Native American.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #329

“i keep it all inside because i know that man is everything but kind”

What is the best thing about your life right now? Uhhhhh... I guess from a realistic standpoint, my partial hospitalization program. I'm learning very important coping skills and have some social interaction almost every day. How was your second serious relationship different from your first? Did you approach relationships differently with some experience under your belt? My first serious relationship was made deeper than what was safe because I was 100% obsessed with him; meanwhile, with Sara, I feel I loved her in a wiser way and with a sense of self still present. I was definitely more hesitant to "let" myself fall in love again, though, and was very insecure at the start. Whose death affected you the most? My dog's, Teddy. What was the best time you’ve had with a complete stranger? I don't exactly make a habit of hanging out with complete strangers... Who has seen you at your absolute worst? How did your relationship change afterwards? Mom, Jason, Girt, and Colleen, probably. Girt showed up at the ER after my overdose (I was a dramatic fuck and wrote a suicide note on Facebook so I didn't just... go without telling some people things I definitely wanted to), and that's when my crush on him really kicked into gear again. He was and is just always there for me through everything. For Jason, I am quiiiiiiiite sure seeing me have an absolute catatonic breakdown the night of the breakup just pushed him away more. I probably looked crazy. Colleen also showed up at the ER after my suicide attempt, and it brought us closer. Then there's Mom, who's, you know, my mom, and my darkest times have always grown our incredible bond, too, because she would never fail to be there for me. What’s your favorite planet? Saturn is dope. What’s your favorite pasta dish? Just spaghetti with tomato sauce and meatballs. What color do you really want to dye your hair? My top three are pastel pink, light/creamsicle orange, and silver, but there are more. What’s your favorite eye color? Sapphire blue or emerald green. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? Um, I don't break into places. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Sara gets super squeaky, bouncy, and just in general wordlessly excited at reptile shows. Going with her to one is one of my favorite memories, mostly just by watching her. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Have I ever been (awake) with friends past 3AM...? Idk. Do you have a favorite coffee shop? Describe it! Not a coffee gal. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Sara. (: When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Now THERE'S a fuckin question. I don't have the slightest idea. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? Thunderstorms; definitely not. Have you ever been to a Pride festival? No, but I'd love to. How open are you with your parents? I don't tell everything to my dad (though I know I could), but I'm an open book with Mom. Is there anything you’re more open about on the internet (such as on LiveJournal) than you would be in “real life”? I guess my sexual history. I'm just in general pretty open online. What is the most petty thing you’ve ever done? Oh, I'm CERTAIN it involves Jason after the breakup, but I don't know the "most"... What is the longest you’d be willing to wait to have sex in a new relationship? I myself don't want to until we're clearly serious and long-term by that point, and I know for a fact they're in love with me like I am them. I don't care how long they want to wait, though. I said in a previous survey that sex just... isn't that important to me. It's not my most cherished form of intimacy. Who has had the most positive effect on your life? My mama. Are there any relatives that you are not on speaking terms with? What happened? Most of the family doesn't talk to my aunt's literally psychotic, manipulative fuck of an ex-husband. I don't feel like it's my business to share exactly what happened, but yeah, fuck him with a chainsaw. :^) Who was the last person to ask you to hang out? Did you agree to hang out with them? It was more like an open invitation to all of her friends, but I guess you could say Summer. I did. I honestly wanna hang out again. Have you ever had to take a stool or urine test? Why did you have to do this? Urine ones, yes: to 1.) test for UTIs and 2.) ensure I wasn't pregnant before surgery. Is there a food that you eat basically every day? What food is that? Not every day, no. Can you remember the first video game you ever played? What about your first video gaming system? I don't. It was probably something with few controls, like this Barbie horse riding game my sisters and I loved, or an Elmo game that we had on a demo disc. I think you had to follow a path on a pogo stick picking up letters? We had a PS1 when I was born, so that was my first. The last video game you played - did you play alone or with someone else? By "video," I'm going to assume you're not including the computer, in which case I think it was The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon, which I was playing alone. It does have a two-player option though that I wanna do one day. The controls are definitely meant for two people. If there is a disc in your computer, what disc is it? There is no disc. Do you shut down your computer every time after you use it, or do you leave it on? I always leave it on... Do you know anyone who has ever been in a movie? Who and what movie were they in? What was their part? Hm, I don't believe so. Describe the last shirt you saw that you really liked. Where did you see it? It was definitely some sort of graphic tee on Facebook, I'm sure. It was something with an opossum design and a short phrase. When was the last time you brought a pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? The most recent vet visit was when we got Roman neutered. Do you have any bug bites on you right now? If so, where? No. When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I DID fish, yeah. Not because I was afraid to touch the fish, but because I was afraid of nicking myself with the inevitably dirty hook. Did you go to daycare when you were little? Only very briefly; my incredible separation anxiety from my mom made it extremely difficult. She very quickly chose our neighbors as my and my sisters' babysitters. I could handle that because I loved "Uncle Donny," the granddad of the family, and I could see my house from their front door. He was/is (idk if he's still alive) a wonderful man. Do you know what you’d have been named had you been born the opposite sex? No. Would you ever visit a nude beach? NOOOOOOOO THANK YOU. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Where is your favorite place to be kissed other than the usual place? Don't touch my neck if you don't have free time lmaooo. What is your favorite memory with one of your grandparents? I'm going to be completely honest: I have none that are exceptionally important to me. I only knew one grandmother most of my life, and we had a turbulent relationship. Would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships? Naaaaah son. What was the most drastic change you made to your appearance? Chopping 8+ inches of hair off. Is there anything you hope your significant other/future significant other never finds out about you? No. I don't want to keep secrets from them above all others. What are most of your Facebook posts about? If you're talking things I actually compose myself and not share, probably pictures of my pets, haha. Or small statements regarding political issues or mental health. What’s your favorite part of the song that you’re listening to? The beat. Who was the last person you got into a small argument with? Probably my mom, idk. How warm do you like your showers/baths to be? Pretty hot. In the past year, have you lost weight or gained weight? How much? Gained... and I'd rather not share. What year was the last car you rode in/drove? I have zero clue, but it's old. What’s your worst/funniest experience with one of your neighbors? The neighbors at my childhood home had two wonderful rottweilers, but one day they got loose and killed at least one of our kittens. It died in my hands. Mom was fucking livid and sobbing. Besides this occasion though, we got along with them. How much alone time is too much for you before you start going crazy and want to be around people? It depends on the day, really, and how entertained I am in my alone time. Generally, one day of total isolation (from people, anyway) is enough for me to want my mom's company at least or to be texting Sara. The last time you burned your tongue or mouth, what were you eating? A pizza roll burned my tongue just a tad. Honestly, are you shallow? Not at all. Besides clothes, shoes, and accessories, what’s your favorite thing to shop for? S N A K E S ! ! ! I could LIVE on the Morph Market website and "window shop." I love planning out the next morph I'm most interested in adopting. If you have/had any facial piercings, what side are they on? Any reason you chose that side? If you don’t have any, if you had to get a facial piercing what would it be and what side would it be on? I have a vertical labret on my lower lip that goes directly down the center of my face. I chose it because I love the symmetry. I've had my right nostril pierced twice, just because I preferred that side for whatever reason. What, would you say, is your sexiest/most provocative article of clothing? I don't own anything like that. I have zero interest in showing off my body. Do/did you have attendance problems in school? I was notoriously tardy for the first class of the day a lot because I was an absolute beast to drag out of bed all the way up to college. Does/did your parents ever go through your computer or cell phone? Mom did. What song reminds you the most of a particular day in your life? Why is that? "Where the Wild Wolves Have Gone" by Powerwolf is a strong one. I played it again and again the day Teddy was put down, even before we went to go euthanize him. It was my inspiration to one day spread his ashes at Yellowstone in wolf territory. As much as I'd love to keep his ashes forever, like, what happens after I die? And my sisters? Eventually, that container will lose meaning and probably be discarded, so I want to return him to nature. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No close ones. Who, in your opinion, is the best thriller writer? Idk. Does your Mom eat meat? Yeah. Do you prefer thick or thin crusted pizza? THICK. Thin crust is an utter disappointment. Do you have any friends with the same name as you? No. Who has the prettiest middle name you know? Ha, I mention Alon a lot when it comes to beauty... I can't remember what it is, but I do know hers wins. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier? No. It makes me go to bed earlier. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​ No. Is there a particular sport you follow on a regular basis? No. Are there any shows that your friends seem to be obsessed with, but that you just don’t get? Oh, loads. How old was the last child that you spoke to? She's six. What’s a song that makes you feel happy? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, for one. How far in advance do you prefer to plan? It depends, but generally kinda far. Do you always smile for pictures? With other people, yes. Some selfies, no, but usually. What are you most excited about right now? my MOTHERFUCKIN tattoo appointment in MAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you prefer the aisle, middle, or window seat on a plane? Window seat, zero doubts. Where would you like to volunteer? I wanna help at an animal rehab. What was the last thing you ate? A strawberry and grain granola bar thing. How do you find new music? Usually YouTube recommendations. What’s your favorite city? I don't have one. What makes your bedroom special to you and what is your favorite part about it? It's a total nests of my various interests. My favorite part is my meerkat collection. Have you ever had a crush on someone “too young” for you? No. Do you shave your legs more than once a week? God no. I haven't shaved my legs since October lmao. Would you get married if you could right now? Definitely not right now. I don't have a job or my own place. What is your favorite type of jewelry (i.e. bracelets, necklaces, etc.)? Chokers. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? No. I was wholeheartedly in love with him. What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I've never stayed in a bad one, to my recollection. Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No. Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? A turtle for a little while, yes. Don't do that. Ever win first place for something? Yeah, a few things. What was the last thing you fell off of? Idk. Do you have a favorite local band? Who are they? No. What’s the most confusing book you ever read? The style in which Johnny Got His Gun is written is very confusing, but you adapt to understand it. Jumping back and forth from the past to the present can give ya some metaphorical whiplash. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? No. Has anyone ever called your personality dull? Do you agree with them? No. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Possibly. Ever have an ultrasound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I can't remember what they were checking for, but I was fine. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Colleen's house, yes. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Nope; got no interest. Would you ever consider getting a piercing in your septum? Nah, not for me. Do you enjoy being outdoors? Only if it's cool out, in which case yeah. Do you enjoy watching fireworks on the 4th of July? Not anymore. I just think about the terrified animals (wild and pets alike) and traumatized veterans. Do you enjoy tanning? Not at all. Which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most? Sloth. Did you have a Furby when you were younger? Yeah. Creepy fuckers. How long was your first relationship? I actually don't remember how long Aaron and I were together... other than it was just a few months. Who was the first person to break your heart? My dad, generally speaking. Romantically, Jason. What’s the biggest lie you’ve told someone? I don’t know. Has anyone ever drawn a picture of you? Yeah. What did the last key you used go to? The car's trunk. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I honestly do wish I remembered my "first time" because that's a pretty big deal to me. What’s your biggest priority right now? My mental health. If you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? I've done that numerous times, and given there was nothing good on the TV ever, I just slept time away or read. Since every time I was suicidal, there were very, very few things you were allowed to have. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW no. Are your hands unsteady? Yes; I have what's called an essential tremor in both. Are your legs long or short? They're proportional to my body. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you own a robe? What color is it? No. Who’s the last person you smoked weed with? I've never done it. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yeah, my sisters in the past. Is there anything you need to talk about with someone? No. Who was the last person who cried around you? My mom. Who’s the last guy to give you roses? Tyler. What band was on the last band t-shirt you wore? Korn. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Maybe snakebites. Do you stick your tongue out often in pictures? Nah. I only ever really did once or twice when I had snake eyes. Honestly, have you ever purchased something, worn it, and then returned it? Possibly? If you could have your own house anywhere in the world, where would it be? In the mountains in a nicely wooded area with a waterfall close by. It'd be nice to have a small stream or pond too to sit or swim in. If you could create a holiday - what would it be? I wish the legalization of gay marriage in America was a legitimate holiday. Are you shy about singing in front of people? OHHHHH YES. Do you own a robe? Do you sleep with a sleep mask? No.

[imaginesmai]

Hvitserk-Him

Requested by @elyonsstuff, hope you like it!!

Plot: Hvitserk and you are seeing each other behind your boyfriend’s back, his half-brother Magnus. And leaving the latest isn’t easy.

Warnings: cheating

The books in your arms felt heavier each second, some of them sliding off. You shifted your weight from one arm to the other, trying to keep them up enough time to get to the bench, which seemed too far. It wasn’t supposed to be that way; you had a very comfortable couch with a perfect fluffy blanket in your apartment. Even more, you had a boyfriend that was supposed to pick you up from the library two hours ago. Yet the reality was that it was ten o’clock and that there was no car was in the parking lot.

You thought that you could wait for him inside, finishing your projects. Magnus was supposed to pick you up at eight, just in time to have dinner together and spend a normal night in your apartment. Seven thirty passed by, eight did too and nine o’clock arrived and you were still sitting in that uncomfortable seat. It was good, and you didn’t plan on getting angry with him. You could use a little extra time of study.

The problem came when the poor man in charge had to, quite literally, kick you out of the library. He had been kind enough to allow you to be there until then, as they closed at nine thirty. Outside, it was cold, dark and not a damned soul was in the streets. You sat on the bench, put your books aside and tried to call Magnus. After two failed attempts, he picked up; not that it meant any difference.

“Magnus?” you frowned, putting the phone away from your ear and checking that you had dialled the right number. “Magnus, you there?”

There were a few seconds of nothing, just the dull background noise of cars and people cheering. He was on it again, you sighed. When you started dating him a year ago, you really thought you could change him, and to take him away from the races. How foolish.

“Y/N!” he shouted, too excited. “Y/N, hey! I haven’t heard from you since this morning!”

“I told you that I was studying, Magnus” you rolled your eyes. “At the library.”

You waited to listen to some kind of recognition on his voice. After all, he had promised you at least five times that day that he would be able to pick you up at eight. You heard Magnus chuckling awkwardly before he talked again.

“Yeah, probably” he said, although he had to shout it over the noise. “I’m pretty busy right now, do you think you can call me later?”

“You promised no more races.”

The first time he came to your apartment drunk and high after a night in the races, you were mad beyond knowing. You shouted at him, cried and forgave him the next morning. By the tenth time he did, you were used to it. So your words held no reproaching, only tiredness.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’ll try to see you tomorrow?” he asked, and you knew he had no intentions of doing so.

“We had agreed on meeting tonight, you know” you looked at your feet, kicking a stone from the ground and watching it travel a few inches forwards. “You had to pick me up at eight form the library, and we were going to have dinner together.”

“Babe, I’m so sorry, I forgot. I promise-“

“No, Magnus. I’m tired of your promises” you gave him one last chance to tell you he was going to rush back to the library, but he didn’t say anything. “Call me when you grow up, we’re over.”

Before he could say anything else, you hang up. You took a deep breath, not feeling actually bad or sad; just relieved. You had tried to break up with him three times, yet each one he had put his best puppy face and you had convinced yourself that you could change him. Doing it over phone had turned out to be easy and practical.

The first drop of rain hit your head, and you looked up to see the night sky covered by clouds. It was a matter of time before it started raining, and you had to decide quickly. Without thinking much, you scrolled down your contact list and pressed the call button.

“Hey princess.”

Your relationship with Magnus had been boring and unsatisfying, and you could had spent that year a lot differently. But you had gotten something good out of it; Hvitserk Ragnarson, Magnus stepbrother and probably the hottest and flirtiest guy you had ever met. While he was mixed too with the races and probably with more illegal businesses, he was nicer than Magnus. He had kept you company in his house when Magnus had left you there, and had picked you up when his half-brother was too high to drive.

“Hey” you smiled without wanting too, something you hadn’t done in all day. “Can you come over? I’m in the library.”

“For you I’m always around” he laughed “What has Magnus done this time?”

“He was supposed to pick me up from the library” you shrugged. “Normally I wouldn’t mind walking, but it’s going to rain and I don’t want to get drenched.”

“I would like to see that, actually. Any other reason I should pick you up?”

“Burgers at your place?” you asked, already knowing the answer. If there was something Hvitserk liked more than women and messing with you, was food. And your proposition mixed the three things together.

“Be there in five, don’t take cover” you heard him moving on the other line. “I still want to see you all soaked up”.

You said a quick goodbye and rang off. Ignoring his petition of watching you under the rain, you ran to take cover under the library building, balancing all of your books in your hands.

For five months, you had been hooking up with Hvitserk. The first time you did it you felt horrible, because Magnus was your boyfriend and you had slept with his stepbrother. You had left Hvitserk’s bed that morning and blocked him from your phone, crying to yourself to sleep. However, you started to see how Magnus didn’t care about you or about your feelings, only about the races and his big brother, Bjorn. So you slept with him a second time.

By the second month of your “adventure”, you knew your relationship with Magnus was not going to last, and you had tried to break up with him. Hvitserk made you feel everything he didn’t. He was only two years older, yet felt like he was light-years ahead Magnus. Not everything was perfect, he was kind of a dick who messed up with you too often and didn’t deny that he could fuck other women. But as the months passed things became different; and the possibility of something more with him didn’t seem so far away.

The sound of a horn took you out of your daydreaming, and between the curtain of rain that was falling, you made out the silhouette of Hvitserk’s car. You ran towards it, changing your books to your left arm so that you could open the door with your right hand. Pulling didn’t seem to open it, and Hvitserk’s cocky smirk from inside of the car let you know that he didn’t unlock the car.

You tapped on the window, pouting for him to open. By then, the rain had already made the clothes stick to your body, and he winked at your playfully. After another five seconds of you growing angry, he opened the door and you sat quickly inside.

Even if he was like a playful child, he had worried about having the heat on and offered you a small towel to dry yourself. As he started the car, you placed your books on the back.

“You own me a kiss” he laughed, turning and putting his hand on your cheek. He moved your face and placed his lips on yours. “I’m not very good at maths, might give me two.”

“I hope you’re happy” you scoffed. “I could die from hypothermia now.”

He maneuvered out of the parking, looking back and tensing his arms on the wheel to avoid any scratches on his impressive red car. When he was done and again on the main road, he turned quickly and pecked your wet cheek.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Y/N” he laughed, and checked your chest without shame. “Besides, it’s worthy. Damn, I’ve never seen you sexier.”

“You’re a perv!” you smacked his arm playfully, careful of not making him lose focus on the road. “Seeing that you’re so eager for it, I might not even given to you”

“Come on, I’ve been hard for a week!” he complained, turning briefly to you and trying on his best puppy eyes.

You knew them too well; even if they looked nothing alike, Hvitserk and Magnus had the same way of making you do whatever they wanted. The small towel couldn’t cover your front completely, yet it was enough to hide you breasts and perky nipples from his hungry eyes. Finally, you shifted in your seat and sighed happily, the heat of the car traveling through your bones.

“I don’t know, you might have to earn it” you teased. “I though you would be on the races.”

Hvitserk twisted his mouth a little, letting you know that he didn’t like talking about the races. He knew that you were more than used to his half-brother and his way of life; still, he was reluctant about talking about them with you. Switching on the windshield wipers and turning the left intermittent, he looked at you briefly before answering.

“There has been some trouble there. Bjorn has bet a lot of money with a big sponsor, and he’s most likely to win” he shrugged, yet you knew he was worried about his brother. “I don’t know his name, just that he has charges for violence and weapon’s possessions. Ubbe and I have decided to stay back this time, to avoid trouble.”

Something that you had learnt about Hvitserk was that, despite his carefree attitude and messy family, he had a big sense of responsibility. Along Ubbe, he took care of his two little brothers and Magnus, and had time to study between hours to become a vet.

“Magnus is in the races today” you frowned. “He hasn’t bet on anyone, has he?”

“Probably has this time. Bjorn wanted all of us to do it, to earn more money. You know he follows him always” Hvitserk said. “Is that why he hasn’t picked you up?”

“Yeah” you looked at your hands. “We had met at eight, but when I called him he was at the races.”

“What a dick” he rolled his eyes. “If it wasn’t because he’s my half-brother I would gladly punch him in the face. You should leave-“

“I have.”

“For real, Y/N” he rolled his eyes, remembering all those times when you had broken up with Magnus only to tell him that you had gotten back together two days later. “He’s a manipulative man, and is doing with you whatever he wants.”

You had talked with Hvitserk a few times about the possibility of breaking up with his half-brother. If you did so, you both knew that you wouldn’t be able to meet so often; your relationship or whatever you two had would have to be a secret for a little longer. You weren’t sure if Hvitserk would be ready to be something with you at all, but you knew that’s what you wanted.

“I did! For real this time. I told him to call me when he grows up, and that we’re over” you turned your body into the car seat to face him. “I won’t go back to him.”

“You won’t, but tomorrow he’ll be at your door begging and you will take him back because Oh, Hvitty, he’s so, so alone, poor boy. He needs me!” he mocked you, one of his hands leaving the wheel to give intensity to his speech. “We’ve been over this a thousand times, princess. You’re too good to leave him.”

“Not this time. We’re really done, I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

The lights passed by your side of the car, barely visible because of the rain; they were enough to let you watch Hvitserk’s handsome face. He looked concentrated on the road, and you knew he had full control of the car. After all, it was his family business. You moved your hand to his thigh, giving it a soft squeeze and smiling at him when he looked at you. He smiled too and showed you his cute dimples.

“I really want to be with you this time” you assured him.

Hvitserk put his hand on top of yours, quietly telling you that he wanted it too.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The loud song you had chosen for your ringtone when you bought your phone woke you up, and it took you a few seconds to distinguish reality from your dreams. You rubbed one of your eyes as you tried to reach for your phone, Hvitserk’s arm wrapped around you and preventing you from doing so. After a few more tries of shaking the huge heater on your side off you, you gave up and the phone stopped ringing.

Morning lights crossed his room, making it look shady and grey. Outside, the sun was covered by angry grey clouds and the constant rain was making the city seem darker. One of your feet moved out of the duvet, a sudden wave of freezing cold hitting it.

You turned your back to his nightstand, where your phone was resting, and hid further into Hvitserk’s chest. He made some kind of noise, still half asleep, and you closed your eyes wanting to go back to sleep. You had almost reached your goal with the help of the falling rain when your phone sounded a second time.

Moving turned out to be something impossible, so you chose to ignore it until whoever was calling you gave up. Hvitserk didn’t like that.

“Y/N” he groaned, shifting a little. “Y/N, do something.”

“I don’t want to move” you pouted and looked up to his still closed eyes. The short scrub he had on his cheeks and chin seemed almost invisible with the soft light, and his long eyelashes were probably every girl’s envy. You moved your hand up, caressing softly his naked chest and touched his face. “You have long arms, take it for me.”

“Mm…”he mumbled, rubbing his head like a kitten against your hand and purring like a real one. “I don’t want to move either.”

“Let it ring, whoever it is will grow tired” you kissed his chest. “We can stay all day in bed.”

Hvitserk hummed happily, enjoying the idea of staying in bed with you. He wasn’t an early riser, you were lucky to know about him before midday, but you were used to that. Listening to his soft snores, you closed your eyes once again until the annoying sound woke you again.

You turned around angrily, Hvitserk scoffing beside you and turning onto his stomach, with his face away from you. He might had loved time in bed with you, but he loved sleeping more.

“Yes?” you asked, annoyed and grumpy. You sat on bed and looked towards his little alarm clock, nine thirty. Too fucking early.

“Y/N! Where are you?” Magnus asked through the phone, and even if you weren’t there, you could almost smell the alcohol on his breath. “I’m on your door, Torvi says you didn’t sleep here?”

Of course your roommate wouldn’t lie for you. She was tired enough from her night shifts as a doctor, it was a wonder how she hadn’t kicked Magnus on the balls yet for waking her up in her free day. You ran one hand over your face, groaning loudly.

It was always the same; you broke up with him and he acted like it never happened.

“I’m not going to be in my apartment in all day, Magnus” you said. “Probably not for a few days.”

“Where are you staying?”

“With a friend”

You crossed your legs on the bed, placing one arm on Hvitserk’s back and stroking it slowly. A friend, yeah, a very naked friend.

“Oh, is it someone from the uni? Someone I know?” he asked again, wanting to know who your mysterious friend was.

He was a jealous man, Magnus hated when you were with other male friends and you knew it. It was a toxic perk of your relationship, one that you decided to ignore when you started dating. Besides, you didn’t have much friends, just Torvi, Alfred and Aethelred, and some people from your class. Magnus saw everyone as a potential threat to your relationship, everyone wanted to steal you away from him. If he only knew.

“Magnus, that’s none of your business anymore” you said as you drew random patterns on Hvitserk’s back. “I told you we were over last night.”

“Look, I know I made a mistake. But I can fix it if you give me the chance! Where are you? I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the day together”

“A mistake, Magnus? A mistake?” you said, anger bubbling in your chest. “You have left me alone more than ten times! Always in the races, with your friends or with Bjorn. I’m tired of waiting for you always.”

“Well, maybe it has been more than one mistake” he laughed awkwardly. “But Y/N, you know I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, I know this is all on me.”

“Of course it’s all on you, Magnus.”

“Yeah, yeah, what I mean” he took a deep breath. “I know I fuck things up a lot, and that I’m always away. But you keep me sane in here, Y/N, I can’t lose you. Without you, I’m nothing. I-I can’t do this alone, I’ll stop with the races. I can’t do it on my own. Please help me, Y/N.”

To you, it sounded like an old song that you had listened to many times before, and from which you’re tired. You were sure he remembered last night conversation, and that he had the intention of saying that to your face. In your apartment. Where you didn’t have anywhere to run off.

Hvitserk turned to his side and faced you, his eyes then fully open and his attention on you and your phone. You were quiet for a while, running your hand up and down his side and looking at his frowning face. Deep down, he was waiting for you to go back to his half-brother.

“I can’t give you the help you need, Magnus. You need professional help, to be out of the drugs, alcohol and races” you whispered, not moving your eyes from Hvitserk’s ones.

“Okay, I can do that, fine” he said quickly. “I will get professional help, I will get clean and go to rehab. But I can’t still do it without you. Promise me you will be with me. Promise me, Y/N.”

You didn’t say anything, afraid that if you did, you would give in. Hvitserk looked at with sad eyes, the scene familiar to you. It was always like that; you would stay with Hvitserk and give him hopes until Magnus told you that he needed your help, begging and crying to you until you give in. Some seconds passed away and neither of you did anything, just looking at each other. Silently daring you to go back to him. When he realised you weren’t going to tell him no, he got up from bed in an angry move.

He didn’t care that Magnus could hear some movement in the background, or that he would ask you about who you were with; he kicked the covers off him and got up.

“No, wait” you whispered to him, putting the phone away. “Don’t go.”

“Answer him” he stopped moving “Tell him that you’re tired of his manipulative ass and that you’re over for real. Tell him what you told me last night, Y/N.”

Silence came back to the room, the rain hitting the window and making a more dramatic effect. You looked down, not able to leave Magnus alone with his demons. It wasn’t the right choice, it was condemned to end in the same situation; him leaving you for the races and you calling Hvitserk for help. Yet you didn’t meet his eyes, only listened to his angry steps leaving the room and door of the bathroom closing after him.

“Can we talk in person, Y/N?” you had nearly forgotten about Magnus on the other side. “Where are you? I thought I heard someone talking.”

“Just the TV” you mumbled. “Maybe seeing you is not the best idea, Magnus. I meant it when I said I was tired of this.”

“I told you I can change!”

“Have you bet, Magnus?” you asked, suddenly remember last night conversation with Hvitserk.

“What?”

It was none of your business, but you needed to know. You wanted to know if Magnus was stupid enough to bet money in the races; because that was the beginning of someone destruction, and honestly it was enough reason for you to forget about him.

You waited for his answer, but he didn’t say anything. There wasn’t a doubt about what you were talking about, and he was painfully aware of that.

“At the beginning you promised me a thousand times that you wouldn’t bet” you whispered. “I can forgive a lot of things, Magnus, but betting? What were you thinking?”

“How did you know?” he surrounded. “Who has told you?”

“Does it matter now? I know, and that’s final. You promised, Magnus. And I’m tired! I’m tired of empty promises!”

“Y/N, please, listen to me. It has only been one time! I can fix this, give me time!”

“I don’t think we can fix this” you sighed, looking at the door where Hvitserk had left just seconds ago. “It’s over. Finished. There’s nothing left here worth fighting for. Goodbye, Magnus.”

“Wait! I love you, Y/N! I-“

You switched off your phone, knowing that he would try to call you again. With a deep breath, you threw it on the bed and got up, stretching your legs.

Your decision was made, Magnus was part of your past and you had a new future ahead you. The only thing left was to know if Hvitserk would be part of that future.

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He had his head against the cold tiles of the shower, the hot water hitting his back and making his skin go red. By then, he should have gotten out; he didn’t have a lot of money, he couldn’t afford staying in the shower using hot water for an hour. His small apartment took all his money, at least his legal one. And if he wanted to stay out of the races for real, he had to make a good use out of it.

However, his head couldn’t wrap around the idea of leaving his safe place and facing an empty apartment, not once more. Everytime you spent the night with him, it was because his half-brother had done something wrong. Hvitserk had learnt to detest him along the years, since he came into his family claiming to be his father’s lost son and wanting to know everything. If that wasn’t enough reason, then he met you, his hot girlfriend who put up with things no one should. Magnus was an asshole who didn’t treat you right, and he wanted nothing more than to you to realise. To realise that his half-brother was a shit that didn’t deserve you, and that he could offer everything you needed.

The door closing made him turn his head briefly, and he saw your blurry body through the shower’s curtains. He went back to his position, his back towards you and his head supported by his arm on the wall. Hvitserk heard you moving around, and he prepared himself to your speech. I’m just going to talk to him, I’ll be back before lunch you told him the first time, and he didn’t see you for days. I can’t leave him like that, Hvitserk, he needs help! you told him the second time. He wondered what would you say to him that time; sometimes, you even left without saying goodbye to him.

What he didn’t expect was for you to open the curtains and to step behind him. He didn’t look at you when you hugged his middle and put your head on his back.

“You could have waited for me” you whispered against his body.

“What for? To hear you crawling back to him?” he spat, angry and hurt “I don’t want to see you giving up to his manipulative begging, Y/N. I’m tired.”

Trying not to fall on the slippery ground, you moved around Hvitserk. You circled him and squeezed yourself between him and the wall. The little space wasn’t enough for you to fit, so you managed to pull Hvitserk backwards. You enlaced your hand with his, ignoring the pang in your chest when he didn’t look at you.

“I like the way our hands fit perfectly”

You waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.

“I left him” you searched his gaze with your eyes. “I told him I won’t see him again, Hvitty, this time is the one.”

“Until when, Y/N?” he looked at you finally, his eyes teary. “You will get call from the hospital in a few days, saying that he has overdose. And you will be there again, with him.”

“No, no” you shook your head. “It’s just… I really think you’re the one, Hvitserk. Not him.”

His eyes held doubts, a lot of them, but for an unknown reason he thought too that that time was the one. Maybe because he was desperate to show you how much he could love you, how you should be treated and how he was really the one. How he was able to break your toxic routine with Magnus and to give you what you deserved.

You raised on your toes slightly, hugging his broad shoulders and kissing him. He stood in his place, not following you until you almost returned to your place.

Then, he gripped your hips and quiet literally smashed you against the tiles and tilted his head to kiss you deeper. Hvitserk’s mouth swallowed your surprised gasp and your smile. The rest, well, the rest was history. He really made you forget Magnus’ name in that shower.

“I like the way our hands fit perfectly”, “Can you come over?” “You owe me a kiss. But I’m not very good at maths, might give me two”, “It’s just… I really think you’re the one.” “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry” “It’s over. Finished. There’s nothing here worth fighting for” & “I don’t think we can fix this.”From Prompt List Angst and Fluff.

Want to know more about me? Here is my Masterlist! Feedback is always appreciated!!

[themiscyra1983]

Gender Identity In The 24th Century, As Viewed By Trekkies Named Cass Who Are Me

I’ve been real sick lately - in kind of a health crisis, honestly - and I’ve only recently been coming out of it. It made it really difficult for me to write or to find the presence of mind to keep up with a lot of things, Tumblr included.

But I’m back! I’ve been looking in now and then. I probably won’t try to catch up. And I’ve been easing back into writing by finally putting together the first few chapters of my “Trans Harry Kim” fic. (I need to work on other things, which I will get to.) As part of this, today, I wrote some notes on where I plan to take the fic over time, and then I got on this, which...took longer than I thought and now constitutes the majority of the notes.

Presented for your entertainment, my personal views/working canon on how gender identity is handled in the late 24th Century of the Star Trek universe. Working title: “FUCK THE J’NAII UP THE ASS WITH A PISSED-OFF CAT”. Actual title: “Gender Identity In The 24th Century”. With the caveats noted above.

The State of the Art

Even in the 24th Century (Earth standard calendar), no single genetic, environmental, psychological or other factor associated with gender identity has been definitively identified by any culture on par with the scientific and technological development of the United Federation of Planets. Though routine gestational and neo-natal scans sometimes turn up certain genetic indicators, these are generally not acted upon - at least within the Federation - until a child is old enough to express their own gender identity. In most Federation cultures, this will occur by the onset of puberty, if not before. When a child reveals that their gender identity differs from their presumed gender, standard procedure within Federation cultures is to begin a course of psychological evaluations coupled with hormone blockers to delay puberty. However, full transition is generally not delayed - the Federation lacks the paranoia that attended underage trans people of 21st Century Earth, medicine and psychology have advanced exponentially, and physical transitions can be reversed or performed again if required.

Federation medical technology allows for a complete physical transition into the form the patient finds most comfortable. This is accomplished through a cellular reconstruction matrix. The patient is suspended in a tank of biomimetic gel, and through a series of procedures over the course of a week, their body is altered on the genetic level - this is one of the few exceptions to the Federation’s general ban on genetic engineering. Cosmetic changes may be made if desired by the patient, but are generally minimal; in a sense, the patient is recreated as though they had always outwardly presented as their true gender. Those who fall within established gender groupings are genetically and biologically indistinguishable from cisgender individuals. Barring other medical conditions, trans women can bear and nurse biological children; trans men, similarly, can conceive biological children. Fat deposits, hormonal distribution, and all other biological functions are altered accordingly. In the case of individuals who fall outside their culture’s established gender groupings, their bodies will follow the functions they have chosen in collaboration with their physicians.

Cellular reconstruction can be performed on any sufficiently developed Federation planet and most starbases. The majority of Starfleet and civilian vessels are not equipped for the procedure, though some are, most notably those designed with the long-term residence of families including children in mind. Beyond the borders of the Federation, the available medical and psychological procedures vary.

The following is an incomplete summary of attitudes toward transgender individuals on various homeworlds and among the relevant species, including both Federation and non-Federation cultures.

Earth

Contrary to the stereotype, humanity has not become a species of perfect angels, coddled and content in their paradise. Bigotry still exists, but by the 24th Century, that bigotry, where it manifests, is largely turned outward. Vanishingly few human beings object in any way to any element of what the 21st Century would have considered the LGBTQ community; all romantic and sexual interests among consenting adults (including asexuality and aromanticism) and all gender identities are broadly accepted. When homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, or transphobia do manifest, those responsible are shut down hard. Though the LGBTQ community has largely integrated with the broader population and is no longer considered unusual in any way - human sexuality and gender identity are both understood to fall along a relatively even distribution curve - there is still a form of queer culture revived after First Contact. It differs substantially from the pre-warp queer culture that existed prior to the Third World War, but annual Pride festivals remain common, particularly in New York, where the Stonewall Inn still stands as an historic monument.

Transgender individuals are considered widely unremarkable, though self-actualization in any form is considered praiseworthy. Many are open about their history to some degree, but some binary trans people still choose to leave their past behind them, and considering both Federation law and the availability of complete physical transitions, it is easier than ever to do so. Though 24th Century Starfleet considers the use of addresses such as “sir” and “mister” gender neutral, some trans people do quietly object to the practice - as do some cis people, for that matter. Requested exceptions to these addresses are generally accepted with no questions asked; though there is a small movement to correct the perceived problem across Starfleet, tradition continues to stand for the time being.

Vulcan

Those with only a child’s understanding of logic might conclude it is illogical to change the physical body to fit the mind, when surely it is far more efficient to ‘repair’ the mind. Surak and the logicians who have followed in his footsteps would disagree. Transgender Vulcans were known even in the pre-logic era, and recognizing the complexity of the issue, even Surak wrote briefly on the subject in the Kir’Shara. Six hundred years later, in the 10th Century of Earth’s standard calendar, the non-binary Vulcan philosopher S’lira wrote what would later become known as The Logical Underpinnings of Gender Identity, still considered a seminal text by all students of Vulcan literature and philosophy, and beloved by trans people throughout the Federation. Vulcans possessed and employed cellular reconstruction technology prior to First Contact with Earth, though they did not share this technology with other cultures - humanity included - until the establishment of the Coalition of Planets, the precursor to the Federation.

Andor

Andorians, too, recognize gender variance, though their sense of it is somewhat complicated by the fact that their species recognizes four distinct gender groupings as well as a spectrum between and outside these genders. The specific physiology and biology involved can be complex, and as Andorians and Vulcans were mutually hostile for much of their shared history, it took some time for the Andorians to accept cellular reconstruction technology from their former foe, and longer still for them to adapt it.

For a time, during the 24th Century reproductive crisis, there was talk among the higher levels of Andorian government of suspending cellular reconstruction for transgender individuals, as it was felt that the population needed to stabilize and any form of genetic ‘tampering’ was unconscionable under these circumstances. Though this was a minority view, the suggestion, coupled with rumors of wide-scale genetic manipulation to reduce the Andorian species to two recognized gender groupings rather than four (modeling the “male” and “female” of other species), led to ferocious debate in the halls of power. Fortunately, by 2386, the crisis was resolved through the work of Dr. Julian Bashir and his colleagues.

Trill

Unjoined Trill may declare their own gender identities and transition freely. There is no stigma attached to it, and following a physical transition, transgender Trill can still apply to be joined.

There is, however, a taboo around joined Trill transitioning. This is due to two factors: first, the health of the symbiote is considered paramount, and though there are methods of reducing the risk, cellular reconstruction can endanger or at least alter the symbiote as well. Second, in the aftermath of joining, joined Trill must learn to balance their own identities against the memories and identities of their prior hosts. Though candidates for joining are vetted thoroughly, there is still a belief, generally unspoken, that it is possible for one or more prior hosts to so overwhelm the current host that their identity is radically changed. This would be considered a failed joining. In the rare event that a Trill comes out as transgender following joining, the Symbiosis Commission becomes directly involved in the subsequent evaluation, and can deny requests for cellular reconstruction. Though most such situations have been resolved amicably, there have been a few ugly incidents resulting from the Commission’s decisions.

Bajor

Prior to the Cardassian Occupation, the gender spectrum was widely recognized and celebrated among the Bajorans. Though most fell within genders analogous to the human concepts of male and female, and agreed with the gender assigned at their births, binary and non-binary trans Bajorans were not unknown. Trans people were viewed as following the calling of their pagh, and declarations of self, as well as physical transitions, were cause for celebration. Many Bajoran poets and religious figures wrote eloquently on the subject of gender identity, and the ancient Song of the Self Discovered has become a beloved text among Federation cultures since the Occupation ended and Bajorans began to trade and communicate with the Federation on their own terms.

During the Occupation, however, much of this fell by the wayside. The Cardassians frequently refused to allow the Bajorans any form of self-actualization, and it was difficult for those Bajorans in hiding, or in the Resistance, to receive the care they would previously have enjoyed. Following the end of the Occupation, the Bajorans turned to rebuilding their planet, and in that light, some viewed cellular reconstruction or other transition care as a frivolous luxury on a planet still prone to famines, disease, and a general lack of resources.

This began to change as the Bajorans gained distance from the Occupation, and successfully repaired the damage done to their world. By the time of Bajor’s long-delayed admission to the United Federation of Planets, transgender Bajorans were once again widely accepted, even if the culture around them had shifted. The Bajoran people continue to work to recover all that they lost, and strive to build a culture that carries worthy traditions forward while rejecting those elements, such as the d’jarra caste system, that no longer have a place in their society.

J’naii

The J’naii, the native species of the planet which shares their name, are not members of the Federation, though they have had contact and even trade with the Federation in the past. They consider themselves a monogendered species, and do not tolerate any form of gender variance, subjecting those who express any gender identity which does not agree with the prevailing consensus to exruciating psychotectic treatments which most Federation medical professionals decry as brainwashing and torture. This practice has soured relations between the J’naii and the Federation, but the Federation will accept individual J’naii refugees fleeing persecution for their sense of gender identity or general political dissent. There are even some J’naii officers across the gender spectrum serving in Starfleet.

Qo’nos

Even in the 24th Century, Klingon culture is often sexist and rigid. Though women can be warriors and serve aboard Klingon vessels, they do not command. Among noble Klingon Houses, the husband controls the House and its assets, while the wife attends to ritual and social matters. In the event of a noble Klingon man’s death, his widow can preside over his House only in narrow circumstances.

As such, Klingon society has a uniquely one-sided - perhaps completely warped - view on gender identity. It is understandable, in their view, for a woman with the heart of a warrior to hear the call to become a man. This warrior must prove himself in glorious battle before physical and social transition is allowed - but it has happened, and Klingons who would be recognized as trans men among other species have risen to high ranks, even commanding noble houses; historians and observers speculate even some Klingon Chancellors once presented as women. Trans men have been recognized in this fashion since the days of Kahless, who had such a warrior among his companions, and prior to the availability of cellular reconstruction technology on Qo’nos, such warriors could live as men without altering their bodies, taking wives and adopting children.

On the whole, Klingon society does not understand why any virile man would wish to become a woman. There is, even among Klingons, such a thing as compassion, and it is not unknown for individual families to take their transgender daughters offworld for treatment. Correcting their personal records is a more complicated matter, and as a result, there is a small population of “orphan girls” allegedly found among the stars and adopted into families grieving their sons. With the proper persuasion, the authorities generally look the other way.

Klingon society does not generally recognize non-binary individuals within their own species. The concept is baffling. Again, it is not unheard of for non-binary Klingons to seek treatment outside the Empire - but they often exile themselves from Klingon society afterward. Some abandon their culture completely; others attempt to preserve a form of their culture in solitude; but generally speaking, non-binary Klingons do not present themselves as such in public if they continue to live within the borders of the Empire.

Romulus

Gender variance and any accompanying physical transitions are accepted among the Romulans - but there is no escaping the past. Records are meticulously updated and maintained; transgender Romulans are recognized according to their gender identitiy in the present, but their assigned gender at birth, along with all the medical and psychiatric care they have received, are noted in their files. However, though this information may sometimes be brought into play if it seems relevant and the individual has become a target, there is no particular stigma attached to being transgender. Romulan society is largely egalitarian with regard to gender, for all that it is a xenophobic. repressive oligarchy. Men, women, and non-binary Romulans can all be of service to the state, whether in the military, the Tal Shiar, the Senate, or as simple shopkeepers, farmers, or whatever else is required.

Ferenginar

The Ferengi readily understand why a female might wish to become a male, but given their extensive cultural misogyny, they have generally forbidden it. Any Ferengi male discovered to have been assigned female at birth will be harshly punished, their physical transition forcibly undone. As a culture, they have no idea why a male would wish to become a female, and non-binary identities are beyond their comprehension.

None of this means it has not happened. Certainly Ferengi women have posed as men in pursuit of better lives, and some assigned female at birth have genuinely been transgender, going offworld to transition not only for the sake of profit but in answer to the call of their inner selves. Some Ferengi assigned male at birth, though it would be considered scandalous, have abandoned the expectations of their society to become the women they know themselves to be. And Ferengi assigned either way sometimes adopt non-binary identities. It often means leaving Ferengi society, living on the edges at best, but even among a people as profit-driven and rigid as the Ferengi, the true self cannot always be denied.

Things have begun to change with the ascension of the Grand Nagus Rom. Ferengi females can now wear clothes, move outside the home, and pursue profit in their own right. Slowly, the concept of non-binary gender identity has been introduced. Though it is a secret between zirself and zir wife Leeta, Rom is in fact genderfluid, sometimes identifying as male, sometimes as female, and sometimes as non-binary. Leeta accepts this truth wholeheartedly, and Rom’s mother Ishka has come around on the matter as well, but even the new Ferenginar would not accept Rom’s circumstances so readily, and so Rom maintains a strictly male presentation when dealing with literally everyone else.

Cardassia

Cardassian society is perpetually paranoid, and has been for some time. Gender variance is widely viewed as weakness, and weaknesses are to be exploited to remove the unfit from power and allow the advancement of those more equipped to deal with reality. Cardassian society officially only accepts the binary genders of male and female, and has not historically allowed transition between them.

This may not always have been the case - some archaeologists have found evidence of more accepting cultures in the Cardassians’ past, before the rise of the military regime that ultimately gave way to the Dominion. When the civilian Detapa Council briefly overtook the government, there was some movement in the direction of greater tolerance, but this was swiftly quashed once Gul Dukat and his Dominion allies took control.

In the aftermath of the Dominion War, the new civilian government has wrought many changes in Cardassian society. As a people, they have begun to rediscover their history, their ancient culture, even their spiritualism. Tolerance for gender variance, among other differences, has been growing. But progress remains slow. The military and the Obsidian Order, in their time, caused damage that may take decades or centuries to repair. For now, transgender Cardassians generally seek treatment offworld and do their best to keep their heads down and their hopes moderated. But there is hope, no matter how long the road ahead.

Breen

Literally only the Breen could tell you, and they aren’t talking.

The Dominion

The worlds of the Dominion vary widely in their acceptance of and response to gender variance, though most accept it to some degree and offer some form of transition care. The Federation is now in more constant contact with these planets, and with communication and trade have come cultural changes which are bringing even the more conservative societies around.

The Founders have no actual concept of gender or sexuality beyond the Link. They present in whatever forms suit their needs of the moment.

The Vorta and the Jem’Hadar are so heavily genetically engineered, created to singular purposes, that it is difficult to impossible for them to think for themselves. Federation doctors and anthropologists, with the permission of the Founders, are working to undo the genetic damage and to introduce concepts long since lost among these species, but for the moment, all Jem’Hadar continue to present as male and refuse to admit any feelings to the contrary.

The Vorta consider it blasphemy to alter the bodies given them by the Founders, but male, female, and non-binary Vorta all exist, so that they can interface with any culture regardless of the local views on gender. Among the Vorta themselves, the distinction is meaningless. They are sterile, cannot reproduce without medical intervention, and have been cloned exclusively for longer than any living Vorta can now recall. Their culture is stagnant, their imaginations nearly nonexistent, and they are only slowly beginning to recognize any sense of personal identity.

The Borg Collective

Surprisingly, the Borg recognize gender variance and routinely perform physical transition. The reason has to do with efficiency: gender dysphoria is a condition which inherently complicates the interlink between the drone and the Collective. In allowing a drone’s body to conform to their sense of self, this sense of self can then be subdued. The conscious mind, at peace, can be suppressed and captured within a waking dream, giving the drone over to the Collective. Transphobia and gender stereotypes are irrelevant. All will become one with the Collective and adapt to service them. Dysphoria will be subdued; resistance is futile.

Aboard a Borg ship, genetic reconfiguration can be achieved within any standard regeneration alcove or maturation chamber. Sterilization fields and other necessities can be easily supplied by the ship’s systems. The technology would need to be adapted outside this environment, but as the vast majority of drones live aboard ships, stations, and unimatrices, and treatment is applied as soon as the problem is identified, this concern is generally irrelevant.

[cake-writes]

In Your Atmosphere (Part Four)

Pairings: Steve x Reader & platonic Bucky x Reader (mostly)

Warnings: PTSD / Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, Mental Health Issues, Survivor Guilt, Eventual Smut 18+

Summary: The first time you met Steve Rogers, he kissed the hell out of you. It wasn’t the first time he met you.

Part Three / Master List

—

You didn’t wake until the early afternoon.

It felt like you’d been hit by a truck. Your head was throbbing, your body was aching, and you were nauseous, not to mention the embarrassing fact that you'd very likely made a fool of yourself after drinking so much. Of course, you should have expected all of the above after somehow polishing off nearly two entire bottles of wine. How Natasha was able to hold her liquor the way she did, you weren’t sure, but you liked to think she wasn’t human. In some ways, she wasn’t.

Your showers normally took about ten minutes, but today it took half an hour. You moved in slow motion as you washed up, brushed your teeth, and got dressed into something more presentable than your rumpled clothing from the night before. You were sorely tempted to just go back to bed, both to sleep and to avoid the embarrassment of running into Steve in the hallway, but your sleep schedule was screwed up enough already as it was and you didn’t want to make it worse. There was at least a small comfort in knowing that that he was likely still out on his mission with Natasha.

The trek downstairs to the kitchen was uneventful. You pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water: your breakfast, for the very thought of food make you want to puke. Then you popped a couple ibuprofen into your mouth and swallowed them down, before you flopped down onto the sofa you’d used last night and turned on the TV.

There was something on the news about a bombing in the Middle East. That was nothing new. The loss of lives was certainly devastating, but it no longer had the same impact on you as it used to when you were younger. Once upon a time, you’d gone on missions to prevent those kind of tragedies, and for the most part you'd been successful. Then, on one particular occasion, you had failed and the loss of young lives was so significant that you hadn’t been in the field since. Instead, you went to therapy.

The coffee table was clean. It seemed that Steve had made good on his promise to clean up after you and Natasha, despite needing to rest before his mission. That made you feel guilty. You drank far too much and wound up not being able to clean up after yourself, let alone make it back to your room on your own. For some reason, probably because of the alcohol, you felt like you could trust him, and in the end you completely let your guard down. It was strange and a little unsettling, the effect he had on you: you wanted to trust him, as stupid and naive as it was. Even though he'd since apologized, the fact remained that he hadn't had your consent when he kissed you.

Frowning, you changed the channel, trying to distract yourself from your thoughts.

While you couldn’t really remember the specifics, you could definitely recall how secure his muscular arms felt around you when he’d lifted you into them. You could still feel the lull of your head against his strong shoulder as he carried you up the stairs, the clean, spicy scent of his cologne – or laundry detergent, or deodorant, even, you weren’t exactly sure – wafting through your nose. He’d been so gentle, so careful in setting you down upon your bed that you didn’t even know you’d made it there until you woke up again.

Your face heated up. Whether it was due to the fuzzy memory of him taking care of you or the realization that you were an idiot, you weren't entirely sure.

Wanda took a seat beside you on the sofa, then, but you lacked the energy to even startle. Instead, you regarded her with a single weary nod. In the muted sunlight streaming into the room, you noticed that her makeup was flawless, a stark contrast to your bare face and dark circles and you felt a pang of envy. She was gorgeous.

“How are you settling in?” she asked you kindly.

“It’s better than I could have hoped for. Everyone’s been so welcoming.” Especially Steve, and you couldn’t figure out why. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”

She shook her head. “After everything you’ve done, you deserve a reprieve.”

Your service history wasn’t exactly a secret, but it still surprised you that Wanda knew about it. Although it certainly made sense - anyone who came to the compound would have been vetted prior to their arrival. You were no stranger to Tony Stark, but he still would have done his homework.

Of course, you didn’t feel like you’d done much during your tenure with SHIELD: rescue missions, mostly, with the occasional infiltration and every now and then a snatch and grab. It was on one of the former when the school was blown to hell, and only by sheer luck did you survive. Twenty-eight students and teachers, along with your partner, had not. You still received phone calls every now and then from the two little girls you did manage to save, but those only served to trigger memories that you’d rather forget.

Just like Wanda had done now. Despite that, you gave her a half-smile in thanks so as not to be rude.

She seemed to sense that it wasn’t exactly a topic you liked to discuss, and turned her attention to the TV. You appreciated how perceptive she was. The silence that fell over you both wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it wasn’t awkward or tense. You know that she, just like you, had gone through some terrible things and in some way Tony had saved her once, too.

He was the reason why, one and a half years after the worst day of your life, you were still here, still working in the intelligence community. For that, you’d forever be grateful.

---

The rest of the day seemed to drag, until, well, it didn’t. Because your sleep schedule was a mess, you were still awake at half past one in the morning when you heard it. The soft sound of the Quinjet's landing didn’t draw your attention nearly as much as the shouting, just barely audible through the small gap in your bedroom window. You’d only cracked it a little as you started to settle in for the night, wanting to feel the cool evening breeze as you slept, and thankfully, it offered the perfect amount of leeway to hear the commotion on the landing strip.

You peered out the window and saw six people, all clothed in black, in the midst of a heated argument as they exited the plane. One of them was on a stretcher, writhing in pain, shouting louder than the rest.

There was no medical team to greet them.

The adrenaline instantly seemed to dull your soreness and nausea as you sprang into action, snatching up your first aid kit, a small red duffel bag that you’d always kept for emergencies. Perhaps it was overkill to have it here at the Avengers Facility, but you were still in the process of unpacking and you hadn’t yet decided what to do with it.

The trip downstairs seemed to take just seconds before you were outside, the chunky heels of your boots ripping into the soft grass as you ran to their location.

Natasha was the first to spot you sprinting across the field in the darkness. Their communications array had been damaged during the mission, and they hadn’t been able to call ahead for medical. Clint had sustained a deep wound to his thigh, a gunshot, and of course someone hadn’t replenished the Quinjet’s first aid kit. While his injury wasn’t a matter of life or death, it was severe enough that the tensions had been high amidst the team’s return to the compound. Add that to the fact that the mission had been a complete and utter failure, and everyone was at each other’s throats. Even Steve hadn’t been able to keep the peace.

As Natasha pushed the stretcher toward the building, her voice rang clear over the argument as she called over to you, “Gunshot wound, right thigh.”

You slammed your bag down at the bottom of the stretcher and then hopped atop it in one fluid motion, settling yourself above Clint’s lower legs. This allowed your friend and one other person you didn’t recognize to continue pushing the stretcher along. In the heat of the moment, you’d spotted Steve among the team but you were too focused on Clint’s injury to care. Your apologies and embarrassment from last night would have to wait.

“For fuck’s sake,” you snapped, ripping into the first aid kit for supplies, “Quit waving your dicks around, and—” you nodded at another guy you didn’t recognize, “put some pressure on it, would you?”

He quickly did as you asked, pressing his gloved hand against Clint’s wound to stop the bleeding.

“Sorry, kid,” Clint winced but his tone was playful, “I’m a little busy here.”

It had been probably six months since you’d last seen him, and he looked like hell – not that being shot helped any. You weren’t as close to him as Natasha, but the two of you had a good working relationship and you’d always trusted him to have your back. Tonight, you had his.

You grinned down at him and popped the cap to some sterile solution. “Come on, Barton, don’t tell me you’re getting too old for this.”

He let out a soft snort at your attitude. "Of course not."

Then he hissed as you squirted the solution into his wound.

Tearing open a packet of gauze with your teeth, you glanced over at Steve. “I take it things didn’t go too well.”

Steve was walking alongside the stretcher as the last man in the group radioed in about the incident, finally having enough reception now that they were on the ground. He met your eyes for a moment, and then he looked away, staring straight ahead. A muscle ticked in his jaw before he tersely answered your question, “Sure didn’t."

He blamed himself for this. If he'd done his job properly, it never would have happened. Still, seeing you there, seeing your determined face, made him feel like everything was going to be alright. Your very presence was a balm, and watching you sass Barton and the rest of his team reminded him of the many situations the two of you had once survived together.

You easily noticed Steve's tense demeanour but forced yourself to file it away for later. There were more pressing matters to address, so you brought the gauze to Clint’s wound and eyeballed the guy who was putting pressure on it for a moment. He immediately lifted his hand just long enough for you to slide it under, before he replaced his hand and added a bit more pressure when you made a small gesture to indicate as much. Then you did the same with another couple of pieces, ensuring the wound was fully packed.

Steve very much liked the fact that you were able to command respect with a single look. It wasn’t often, but when the shit hit the fan, it was clear that you knew what you were doing. He’d seen it before, the way people gravitated toward you and put their trust in you to take care of a bad situation. This was one of those times, and he found himself doing the same.

“Stay with me, Barton,” you barked, snapping your fingers in front of his face. It looked like he was starting to go into shock, if his pale skin and unfocused eyes were any indication. “Listen to me. Come on.”

Clint grunted, but he didn’t respond any more than that. You were in the building, now, being wheeled toward what you assumed was the medical wing. The lighting here was much brighter, and you could immediately tell that his pupils were dilated. That wasn’t a good sign. You leaned over more to gently palpate his scalp, feeling for any sign that he may have hit his head. Sure enough, you found a large bump and took in a sharp breath, doing your best to keep him conscious.

When you lifted your eyes to peer ahead, you saw that the medical team was finally starting to arrive, and you sat back on your heels to address them.

“GSW, upper right thigh. Single entry point, no exit. Bullet’s still in there.” Then you added grimly, “Possible TBI.”

Natasha’s eyes immediately shot to you. She wasn't a doctor, but even she knew the lingo. Clint had been just fine on the way back to the compound, but you'd just said that he might have a brain injury.

“Got it,” the doctor, a small Asian woman, told you and you hopped down from the stretcher, slinging your half-zipped duffel back over your shoulder. “We’ll keep you posted.”

You nodded as she and her team wheeled Clint to the operating room. Then you released the long, unsteady breath you didn’t realize you were holding. The rest of the group had taken a step back, and a couple of them started to take seats nearby, in order to wait it out – but not Natasha or Steve. No, they stood with you.

“How serious is it?” Natasha asked you quietly, staring down the hallway where Clint had been taken. You knew that she wanted the truth, not fluff.

“Not good. He must have hit his head pretty hard.” When she started to chew her lip anxiously, taking in the information you provided, you placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “He’ll survive, Nat. He’ll make it through.”

Steve’s voice drew your attention away from her. “How did you know?”

"About what?"

“His head,” he clarified. “He was talking to us just fine. He seemed fine until we got here. How did you know?”

“His pupils. And the huge knot back here.” You gestured to the back of your head, and then crossed your arms to address the root of the issue. “The hell were you guys even up to? Why wasn’t his wound dressed? Where was medical?”

Steve didn’t look too pleased with your observations. “Comms were shot out. We couldn’t call ahead.”

“Don’t forget about the bastard who didn’t replenish the first aid kit,” Natasha spat angrily. “If I ever find out who it was, they’re dead.”

You didn’t blame her, but part of the blame fell on them, too. Someone should have double checked that it had been stocked prior to the mission, along with the rest of their supplies - but it would be crass to mention that right now. Instead, you silently waited with them until Clint was out of surgery.

---

The sun was just starting to rise when you finally heard some news: Clint had made it through, just like you all were hoping for. While the doctors were concerned about his head injury, from what they could tell it was relatively minor but they unfortunately wouldn’t know for sure until he woke up. He would still be out for the next few hours, and no visitors would be permitted until then – so you, Steve, and Natasha slowly made your way back to the main building where you prepared a simple breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast.

For the most part, it had gone uneaten. None of you had an appetite. Instead, the three of you were sitting around the kitchen table in complete and utter silence.

Natasha had perched herself at the edge of her seat, elbows resting on the table with her hands clasped in front of her worried face. Steve, on the other hand, was leaning back against the backrest of the chair, arms crossed, jaw set.

It hadn’t been a good day.

The fabric of your shirt stuck unpleasantly to your skin as you slowly peeled back your bloodied sleeves. What's worse was that you’d already washed your hands three times and Clint’s blood still remained under your fingernails. This wasn’t a memory that you’d forget anytime soon. You’d been certified as a field medic a couple of years ago, and only a handful of times had it actually bothered you to use your training like this.

Steve watched as you anxiously picked at your nails, your lips pressed into a grim line. His voice was gravelly when he said, “Thank you.”

You met his eyes briefly, and then you looked away, back at your hands. “You don't need to thank me. I’m just sorry I wasn’t there when it happened.”

“That’s not on you,” Natasha said quietly, barely above a whisper. She knew your history, your struggles - why you hadn’t been back in the field for over a year. You'd made a choice, and she didn’t blame you for it. Not after what you’d experienced.

“Yeah, it is,” you argued. “I should have been there.”

This time, the silence that befell the three of you was uncomfortably tense.

You were making the same basic mistake as last time, after the very incident that took you out of the field to begin with. You were stuck on the what-ifs. You blamed yourself for not being able to do more, and it was especially stupid now because you hadn’t even been on the mission. There was nothing you could have done. Instead, you were making this entire situation about yourself and that made you feel even worse.

Maybe it was a bit presumptuous of you to assume that you’d even be able to keep up with them in the field. They were Avengers, after all, although that didn’t change the fact that Clint had been wounded and left without a lick of medical assistance until the team arrived back at the compound. It was only by chance that you just happened to overhear their arrival.

“Come with us next time.”

Your head immediately shot up and you looked over at Steve, feeling a mix of emotions as you processed what he said. He wanted you to come along on their next mission. Captain America wanted you to join him.

You bit down on the inside of your cheek as you considered his offer, at least until you realized the path you were going down. Then you couldn’t even believe that you were even considering it at all. Not after what you’d been through. No, you couldn’t do this to yourself again.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

It was a simple question, but you bristled at it. He knew why. He must have. If Wanda had known your history, there was no doubt in your mind that he did, too - and when Natasha shot him a look of warning that plainly said not to press the issue, it only confirmed your suspicions.

You winced, then, and glanced back down at your fingers to find that you’d just ripped at a hangnail. If you kept this up, your fingertips would be raw and bleeding by the end of the night. It wasn’t worth your mental health to do this again. You stopped picking and instead crossed your arms around yourself, both to prevent yourself from doing it again and to protect yourself from this conversation.

“The last time I was out in the field, a lot of people died. Children.” A lump formed in your throat at the memory, and you couldn’t bring yourself to even mention your partner. Instead, your tone became more heated, irate as you rounded on him, “But you knew that already, didn’t you, Steve? Why would you even ask me that?”

In that moment, Steve knew that you couldn’t see the good you had done, not really. The facts were there – you’d kept two children safe, and saved countless more by rendering aid to whatever survivors you could find – but you refused to see that. All you could focus on were the lives that had been lost. What stood out to him the most was how you didn’t even acknowledge that yours had nearly been one of them.

His voice was soft, not accusatory, when he followed your question with one of his own. “Why did you come here?”

“To bring down Hydra,” you replied automatically. That had been your mission since Tony had pulled you and those two little girls from the debris on that fateful day, and you wouldn’t stop until you succeeded. You had come here, to the Avengers compound, because he’d offered you a place to stay in exchange for your assistance in finishing Hydra off for good.

“I didn’t ask for your assignment, Agent,” Steve said sharply, and your back immediately straightened in reflex to the authority in his voice. “I want to know why you’re here.”

As you stared into his striking blue eyes, you felt a bit unsettled and anxiously brought your hands back atop the table. Your clammy skin stuck unpleasantly to the wood. It sounded like he was asking the same question in two different ways, but your answer clearly wasn’t the one he was seeking. He wanted to know something else, something you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Then it hit you.

Even after everything that had happened, you still couldn’t seem to run away. You’d seen too much death, too many horrors throughout your career and despite it all, you continued to fight. Even if it was from behind a desk, you continued to find yourself in the thick of it, just in a different way.

Just like tonight. Tonight you had, without hesitation, gone back out in the field.

A literal field.

It was that sudden realization that made you start picking at your nails again, but Natasha gently placed her hand atop yours and you turned your eyes to her. Her kind, reassuring smile was what helped you reach a decision. It was time.

“I want to help,” you answered finally, looking back at Steve with fierce determination. “Put me to work, Captain.”

---

Tags: @jennmurawski13, @hermionesalvatore84, @patzammit, @fairytaleprincess8314, @isysen

Part Five

[atlfics]

Floyd- All Time Low Fanfiction

Alex’s family puts their dog down. High School AU. Word Count: 2139

TW: death of pet

More notes at the end. 

“See you tomorrow, Jack. Text me if you need any help with that algebra homework,” Alex said as he walked to the junior parking lot with Jack on a Monday afternoon, right after the bell rang.

“I probably will, that logarithm shit makes literally zero sense to me,” Jack replied, making them both laugh as they finally made it over to their cars, which were parked right next to each other.

“No problem, I’ll od my best to help. I’ll text you later,” Alex said as he got into his car.

“See you later, man,” Jack replied, getting into his own car. After starting the car and putting on some music, Alex made his way out of the parking lot, then started to drive to his house.

As far as he knew, he didn’t have anything going on this afternoon, which he was very happy about. Lately, life had been a bit stressful for Alex, so he was grateful that he could just go home and relax with his dog, Floyd. Alex’s family had Floyd since he was six, and Alex loved to be with his dog when he was upset or stressed about life, like he was now.

When Alex finally pulled into his driveway, he was surprised to see both of his parents’ cars in the garage; this was a weird sighting for a Monday afternoon right after school. Alex shrugged it off as he grabbed his backpack and walked inside and made his way to the living room. Both of his parents were sitting on the couch, and they had sad looks on their faces.

“Hey guys, this is early for you all to be here,” Alex pointed out as he sat down in a chair across from his parents.

“Alex, we have to tell you something,” Alex’s mom started.

“As you know, Floyd’s not been doing very well, with that cancerous tumor and everything. In about thirty minutes, a vet is going to come here to put Floyd to sleep so he doesn’t have to suffer anymore. We didn’t want to tell you before now, because we didn’t want to ruin your school day,” Alex’s dad explained in an unsteady voice.

“What? Floyd’s getting put down today?” Alex asked, tears immediately forming in his eyes.

“I’m afraid so, Alex,” his mom replied.

“Where is he?” Alex continued, his voice cracking some.

“He’s on the bed in our bedroom. You can go be with him if you’d like,” his dad replied. Without saying anything, Alex got up and walked over to his parents’ room. Floyd was laying in the middle of the bed, lightly snoring some. Seeing Floyd made Alex lose it; he started crying harder as he climbed into the bed, laying down next to Floyd.

“Hey buddy,” Alex quietly said as tears poured from his eyes.

“I guess that this is our last little bit of time together, and I just want you to know that I love you so much. You’ve been with me through everything and have made so many hard times better. I’m glad you won’t have to suffer anymore, but I’m going to miss you so fucking much. I love you, buddy,” Alex said through his tears. Alex kissed Floyd’s nose, which had lost its moisture from his failing health, then wrapped him into a big hug.

The two of them stayed like this, completely silent, aside from Floyd’s snores which gave Alex some comfort. Half an hour later, Alex’s dad walked into the room.

“It’s time, Alex,” he said, walking over to the bed. Alex just nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Alex’s dad picked Floyd up since he couldn’t walk very well, and carried him to the backyard, where Alex’s mom and the vet were waiting.

Alex sat between his parents on the ground and grabbed onto one of Floyd’s paws as the vet explained how the procedure would go. Alex and his parents said their final goodbyes, then the vet shot the medicine into Floyd.

“He’ll pass within the next few minutes. I’m going to get the car ready for him while you all have your last few minutes with him,” the vet said, getting up and leaving the yard. Alex’s parents wrapped him into a hug, but Alex didn’t let go of Floyd’s paw. He continued to cry, and nothing his parents were doing or saying was able to make him stop.

Alex knew this day was coming, but that thought didn’t help him to really feel prepared for this. After a few minutes, the vet came back and took Floyd’s body, then gave some final condolences before driving off.

“Alex, honey, are you okay?” Alex’s mom asked.

“Not at all. Can I ask Jack to come over? Talking with him about this might help,” Alex asked as he continued to cry.

“Of course you can, just let us know if we can do anything,” Alex’s mom replied.

“Thanks, mom,” Alex said, running up to his room. He sat on his bed, then pulled out his phone to text Jack.

Alex: Hey Jack, can you please come over? It’s kind of important.

Jack: Sure, is everything okay?

Alex: Not really, but I’ll explain when you get here.

Jack: I’ll be there ASAP.

Alex exited out of his texts, then clicked on his photos, and he started to scroll through a bunch of pictures of Floyd, which made him cry even more. There were photos of just Floyd, and there were a bunch of pictures of the two of them.

Alex had always enjoyed taking pictures of and with Floyd and knowing he couldn’t do that now made him feel even more crushed inside. Alex continued to look at the pictures on his phone and cry until he heard a knock at his door.

“Come in,” Alex said, his voice cracking some.

“Holy shit, what’s wrong, Alex?” Jack asked, rushing over to his best friend.

“We had to put Floyd down about half an hour ago,” Alex replied, new tears forming in his eyes.

“Oh shit, come here,” Jack said, pulling Alex into a tight hug. Alex cried into Jack’s shoulder, loud sobs making his whole body shake. Jack knew how important Floyd had been to Alex, so he could only imagine how Alex was feeling on the inside.

As Alex continued to cry, Jack rubbed his back, and hugged him as tightly as he could to show his support. Eventually, Alex sat up again, and tried to wipe away some of his tears while new ones continued to form.

“Alex, I’m so sorry about this, I know how much you loved Floyd,” Jack said in a sympathetic voice.

“I hate this, that dog meant the world to me, and now he’s gone,” Alex said in a bitter voice.

“He’s gone physically, but you’ll always have great, happy memories with him that you can keep forever!” Jack tried.

“That’s true, but it’s not the same. Have I ever really told you why Floyd meant so much to me?” Alex asked.

“Well, you’ve said that he was always there with you through some bad shit, but you’ve never really gone into details, Jack replied.

“Well, I had some family issues when I was a kid; my parents would argue a lot, and it would scare me. I always thought they’d get divorced, and I didn’t feel like I could talk to them about that fear, so I always just talked to Floyd about it. Obviously, he couldn’t say anything back to me, but venting to him felt good, and he was always such a good listener. He let me hug him as I went on about whatever huge fight mom and dad got into, and just stayed with me for as long as I needed him,” Alex explained.

“Well, that definitely makes sense, why he was so special to you,” Jack replied.

“There’s a bit more to it. I think I’ve said this before, but I’ve also had some shitty luck with friends over the years. You’ve been a wonderful friend ever since we first met, which I’m so grateful for, but it wasn’t always like that before you. I had a best friend for five years who was hypercompetitive, and always reminded me that I was less than him. I didn’t get why he was like that, but I knew that it hurt my feelings, and made me feel like shit. Sometimes, after hanging out with him, I’d come home and keep Floyd in my room, just so I could be with someone who made me feel happy. There are other reasons he meant so much to me, but those are the main ones. Floyd ahs always been a constant in my life and has made so many bad things just a little easier to deal with. Him being gone just feels wrong,” Alex explained, tears still falling from his eyes.

“Damn, I never knew the extent of all of that, dude. I knew you had some shitty friends, but I dint know the details. I’m glad you had Floyd around to help you feel better back then, and I get why him passing hurts you so much. Do you think that getting a new dog would help at all?” Jack continued, putting an arm around Alex’s shoulder.

“Well, I definitely want to get another dog, not having one around just feels wrong, but it won’t feel the same- it won’t be Floyd,” Alex replied.

“That makes sense. I know this may not help, but Floyd was a wonderful dog. I only knew him for a few years, but he was my favorite pet of a friend. He was so sweet, and really made me fall in love with dogs. I know it hurts that he’s gone, but he’s always going to be with you. Besides, this hurts because you love him and because he means so much to you, which speaks to the depth of your relationship with him. Floyd loved you very much, Alex. I could always tell, and he still does now, it’s just different now,” Jack explained.

“That’s a good way to look at it, thanks, Jack. I hate that he’s gone, but this pain I’m feeling really does show how strong the connection I had with him was. I wish I could snuggle with him again or take him on another walk. When I was in sixth grade, I started taking him on walks every day after school, and continued to do that until this year, since walking around became really hard for him,” Alex stated.

“Oh yeah, I remember that. What happened that messed up his walking?” Jack asked.

“He had a cancerous tumor on his hip. As soon as he got it, I knew that it was the beginning of the end, but I tried to push that thought from my mind because I didn’t want to admit to myself that it was true. Since we’ve not been able to walk, when I came home from school over the past few months, I’d sit on the kitchen floor with him, and I’d just talk to him. I would just say whatever random shit came to mind, but I always let him know that I loved him. I thanked him for everything that he’d done for me,” Alex explained, wiping more tears away.

“That’s good, he knew how loved he was, and that’s what’s important, Alex. I know this is hard, and you don’t want a life without him in it. I know this sucks that he won’t physically be with you anymore, but he’s not in pain now, which is for the best, you can still talk to him, he just won’t be physically next to you anymore. I know this sucks, but I’m right here for you, man. Today, tomorrow, and whenever you need it. Loss is hard, and I want to do what I can to help you through it,” Jack stated as he pulled Alex into another hug.

“Thank you, Jack, you’re really the best friend ever. It still really hurts, and I fucking hate it, but everything you’ve said has really helped,” Alex said as they both smiled at each other.

“There’s that smile! Why don’t we watch something for now, and if there’s something else about Floyd you want to talk about, we can turn the TV back off and talk again?” Jack suggested.

“I’d like that,” Alex replied, turning on his TV. Alex put on an episode of South Park, then they got comfortable in Alex’s bed.

Alex’s heart still hurt quite a bit from losing Floyd, and he knew that it would continue to do so for a while, but having Jack to lean on through everything made this a lot easier for Alex to handle, and for that, he was very grateful.

A/N: Hey guys, this is actually a story I've wanted to write up for a while now. This is completely based off of the day we put my childhood dog down, almost four years ago now. His name was also Floyd, and I decided to keep that the same in this story, and make it the title. Any personal story that I post goes up with the hopes of it possibly helping someone going through something similar, so hopefully this can bring you guys some comfort if you're going through something similar. I have some other personal stories I plan on writing and sharing, and those will happen in the near future. I said this on yesterday's fic, but I'm totally out of requests! Please send in more if you have you them, I'd love to write more of your all's ideas! Thank you for reading, it really does mean the world. Lots of love, Liv.

[god-hunter]

Adjusting to Singledom

It’s about time for an update on my Single Situation, if that’s what we’re calling it.  I’ve been meaning to clarify some things since unofficially starting these rants back in 2018 anyway.  It might be short, it might be long.  So let’s run through it and see.  I’m gonna be talking about 6 girls that I’m talking to, so pay attention and keep up.  This rant is going to be interesting.

First of all, the Work Crush that I had brought up originally back in 2018 is NOT Dancing Girl.  Nono, Work Crush, or Original Crush was a 28 year old Barbie lookin’ Office Hottie that had so much bubbly energy about her, I didn’t know what to do with it.  I never resolved that story, btw.  After we became Friends on Facebook, she was that type of person that didn’t really message much.  Eventually group hang outs happened and she met my Then-Girlfriend.  And the two got along so well that we just became Couple Friends.

Post break up, she had reached out to me.  I’m going to refer to her as Twin, because that is what she used to refer to me as at work, affectionately.  First of all, Twin & her boyfriend were supposed to come over for dinner, but it didn’t work out.  It’s just as well, because my Ex and I got into a fight while fixing up the apartment before they had cancelled.  Then we broke up.   So with this bizarre scenario, Twin had still wanted to see me.  I’ll be 3rd Wheeling it and checking out their new apartment instead [which is not so new at this point.]. That plan has never surfaced as of yet, due to general busyness, but now Covid-19 is affecting our plans. Since time is moving on, by the time this outbreak calms down I’ll probably be settled into my own place.  And she is very much looking forward to visiting me with her guy one day, but I’m not holding my breath.

I mention Twin, because she’s a former crush that won’t go away.  I’m not trying to do anything, obviously. She has a great boyfriend who likes me a lot.  But she’s definitely a significant girl in my life, and I would be very happy to hang with her (and him) more in the future.

Speaking of couples, I’m going to refer to my Beautiful Friendship as the Significant Couple.  They are certainly a collective and I still like talking to them a lot.  I won’t deny that I’ve been hoping to be intimate again since that one awesome night, but the differing schedules make that very difficult.  Still, one thing worth noting is that I’ve spoken to both parties about the idea of... not hanging up the phone when They want to get intimate, and neither are opposed to it.  So for the moment, I’ll just leave it at that =).  I respect these 2 immensely for being so open to their experiences.

But now it’s time to add some new names to this mix.  This was the purpose of this entry.  Let’s talk about Bakery Girl.  This too, is a former co-worker and friend of Twin.  I call her Bakery Girl because she literally left our job to work in a new office for better pay, but hated it so much that she ended up quitting and working at her favorite Bakery that she’s now a Manager of.  So, that seemed to work out for her, for now. Well, this is a person that was always pleasant at work.  She was always nice, and nice on the eyes lol.  We always got along, but didn't really interact or ever flirt.  Still... Facebook can be a real beautiful thing.

Before she had left our job, she had mentioned that she wanted to get drinks with me.  (Not just me, but a bunch of us from work.). Of course I said yeah as this was just a friend thing.  ...It never happened.  Instead Dancing Girl came out and.. that crush began, I guess.

But anyway...  Since the Breakup I opened up to a bunch of people.  And I suppose it was week 3 or so, that I had told her about it on FB.  I’m not quite sure when we first spoke about my new situation, but I do remember being in my old bedroom and not feeling miserable, because she was so fun to talk to.  I wasn’t moping about my last chapter, but merely informing her as we caught up.  And then as we talked, the energy felt borderline flirty, or sort of like this friendly vetting process.  What I mean by that is we’ll tell each other stuff, and see how the other feels about the topics.  Most we agree on.  Some we definitely differ on.  But respect is there. Anyway, more-to-the-point.  After a couple of failed attempts at talking on Facebook, I tried one more time last night and got another good conversation with her.  And this time, I was able to bring it over to the phone.  I got her number!  So who knows if it’ll go anywhere, but for now I’ll take that victory. This girl’s definitely a good person, and even if it’s a long-term developing thing she is someone definitely worth keeping in touch with.  It really helps that she’s 28 and not 21.  Or as she refers to Dancing Girl... she’s not 12, lol.  [Yes, she knows Dancing Girl too from work, but she has no idea that I was into her.  I plan to keep it that way.]

Speaking of Dancing Girl, her and Dante are fucking annoying, yo.  We barely talk at breaks now, because I’m not trying.  Instead Dante’s either being an idiot or just cooing at her, and the two of them are just obnoxious with each other in my space.  But I’m learning to put it in its place.  Literally everything is changing.  Breaks now seem to get split up between us all chilling and talking, then the two of them splitting off to smoke weed, while my other dude in his 40′s goes and smokes a cig by himself.  Today I took it upon myself to make it my new normal to join him when he smokes that cig.  Since no one else really talks to each other any more...  We just literally hang around each other while everyone’s on their phones.  It sickens me.  But I guess that’s what happens when Millenials see each other every day...  [And no, I don’t smoke, but I’ve always gone outside for the fresh air and good company.  Now that company ain’t so good any more, but they’re still my friends.]

There’s another former co-worker I hit up, but nothing to really report yet.  I don’t have a codename for her yet, but I asked if she’d like to catch up over dinner and she said, yes.  But after the Coronavirus passes, if that’s okay.  I told her it was, and instead we caught up on Facebook for an hour or so.  For now I’ll call her the Social Distancer... =P

And lastly, I’m going to bring up Gamer Girl.  This one’s a slippery slope, but it’s very important to talk about now, because I do not know what is going to happen next.  She is my Ex’s friend, but ever since we dated, she was always into both of us.  Like, she literally would’ve swung with us if my Ex was into that.  I’ll never forget, she was like, “Wow. You two are hot.”   She’s been referred to as a Unicorn, because she loves getting into sexual situations, but she has no romantic attachment to any of it.  And this is why I’m bringing her up. Again, it was about 3 weeks after the break up.  The Ex and I had gotten into a fight post-break up, which propelled me to really want to leave.  And at the worst time, she messaged me starting with, “I hope this doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable...”  And then she proceeded to talk about how she was lonely and not good at making friends and needs an area friend to hang out with.  She brought up a past divorce and that she doesn’t want anything romantic, but she wants to play video games and have pizza with me.  She opened it up as a night where I could vent to her and just have fun.

Against my better judgement, I said yeah.  Plans weren’t made until this week.  Literally tomorrow night, I’ll be seeing what this actually is.  Now, on paper, it might simply be pizza and video games.  But we’ve talked a little since then.  In the first place, she was flirty and brought up her whole schedule for the week.  Then she said, “On this day I’m off and have no plans other than to have no pants on.”  Something like that.  Now, why would she say something like that to me, if not to get a rise out of me...? Then I gagued it a little further when we made the plan.  She brought up that Free Pizza is best pizza and I told her, “No way. I’ll happily pay my share,”  then she explained to me that she has so many points that it’ll be a completely free pizza.  So instead I offered to supply the drinks and asked what she likes. “Rum and Coke is my poison of choice,”  o.o. “Rum and Coke it is!!”

So we’re drinkin’ now...

I’m trying not to get my hopes up.  I’m trying not to make it weird. But knowing that this girl didn’t want to make me uncomfortable, but she's been lonely since her divorce and wants to hang out, but doesn’t want anything romantic...  and knowing that she’s the type of person to screw without attachment...  and then she’s telling me that she wants to drink, now...

I mean, how can I not get a little excited!?  Also, we’re playing Fallout Vegas, so that’ll probably be very fun. Right now my plan is to expect nothing, but be prepared for it to get weird.  The Ex will inevitably be brought up, along with any venting that goes along with it.

I don’t expect to win her over that way, and I’m not exactly trying to do that anyway.  But who knows how she gets?  Maybe she’s just casual as fuck and she’ll want to cuddle??  For comfort??  I have no idea.

But as a Single Dude, I am fucking Game.  This is my new Revolution, man.  I don’t care.  Between the randomness of this hang out, Bakery Girl practically interviewing me about the Ex - asking if I’m over her and then giving me her number, and the Social Distancer being interested in dinner, I’m feeling Really Confident right now.  Not to mention that the Significant Couple is chill as fuck and I always like talking to them.

Things are interesting now...  Things are definitely different.  My New Normal isn’t here yet.  But I’m adjusting all the same.