#and i choose to believe it was intentional to symbolize that he was accepting his place among the newsies

[good-beans]

this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad. 

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either. 

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

[kunikame]

the moon and her stars. - lyney

warnings : lyney has zero rizz (clickbait), i made astral references again im not sorry guys, not quite love at first sight but more the steps made towards it, gender neutral, fluff

w/c : 940

the saying "eyes are the window to one's soul" is, in lyneys humble opinion, about as true as it can get.

he would know.

while he performs his magic tricks, while he takes a stroll down the streets of fontaine– whatever leisurely activity you choose, he does it while staring people directly in the eyes.

of course he doesn't stare at one person the whole time, his own lavender gaze flies from one person to another sporadically, yet he never fails to discern the emotions hidden behind them.

are they happy? sad? having a good day? a bad one, perhaps? tired? surprised? excited?

he knows.

he watches childrens eyes light up with joy when he pulls their card out of his hat– he observes the couple arguing a few steps away, notices when the brunette's eyes shift from pure sadness to betrayal.

he sees.

which is why he also notices when someone lacks these qualities. if there is no joy, there is no shine– no life behind a person's eyes.

he wonders why your eyes seem so empty when your smile feels genuine.

perhaps you're like him, hiding burdens you desperately wish would forever stay locked up, yet you yearn for a companion to share your pain.

he has his siblings, but who do you have?

lyney approaches you one time (be it out of sheer fascination or simply seeking a change of pace, he's not quite sure) after an impromptu show he put on for some kids in the middle of the street with a singular white rose in his possession.

"hello there, you seem to be not quite enjoying the show tonight. may the great magician lyney be of any service, perhaps?"

he removes his hat with a flourish and bows, holding out the rose as an offering to you.

you lift your gaze from the book you were reading, surprised he took notice of your presence. upon noticing the rose a pleased hum escapes you, and lyney notices a fragment of what one might call 'entertainment' behind your gaze.

"did you know white roses symbolize young love and eternal loyalty, sir lyney? was your approach made with such intentions to be conveyed on this starry night?"

your tone is teasing and amused, and he is well aware of it, but whatever mirth you might be feeling doesn't quite reach your eyes, and so with a snap of his fingers and an elegant shake of the rose, he produces 8 more of them in an unarranged bouquet he hopes you will accept.

"not quite, i'm afraid. i was more so referring  to the symbolization of new beginnings, but if you so prefer i would not at all mind changing the meaning. or the color, if you wish," he says, brushing his hand over the roses, which have now turned a darker orange.

"'fascination', i see," you hum, "interesting choice. is there a reason for it?" you have now discarded your book entirely, giving the blond all your attention, as if hanging onto each word he says, yet seemingly not quite caring about any of them either. it confused lyney, but it fascinated him even more.

"are you aware of what people say about eyes?" you nod, inclining your head slightly, curiosity piqued, "they are the window to the soul. i've found that claim to be truthful until the day i first met eyes with you."

"is this your attempt at wooing me, sir lyney? i regret having to inform you it's not quite working."

"not yet, no. i simply wished to compliment you. your eyes are one of, if not the most beautiful i've ever seen. but, if i may be so bold as to ask, why must you suppress your emotions from being seen in them?"

your eyes flicker away momentarily and lyney pauses. perhaps he might lose this battle tonight.

"i do not wish for them to be perceived by none other than myself. i believe it's better– nobody can use my emotions against me this way."

"why would anyone do such a thing?"

your eyes meet his then, and the world stops. everyone around him disappears and suddenly it's just you and him in this bubble universe you've created– or perhaps you haven't created it, it was simply made for you. you are the center of it and lyney has to fight to find his place (he chooses the one that's closest to the sun– to you). may he crash and burn if he has to, if the universe decides he's meant to, he simply wishes to be as close as you let him. 

if the eyes are the window to the soul– or to put it differently– to the heart, then lyney is certain what you see in his is the adoration he holds for you. even though he doesn't quite know you yet, you fascinate him to no end and he will not stop at the ends of the universe– he will go further and further, as far as his legs carry him, to know everything about you.

he has come to agreement with these feelings of his, they are the reason he chose to approach you in the first place.

he is, however, rendered speechless when your eyes suddenly seem filled with an affection and longing he can't say he's been looked at with before.

"you tell me, sir lyney. would you do such a thing?"

you smile at him then and may the god of justice strike him down where he stands lest his words are lies, but you put the moon and all her stars to shame.

"to you? never."

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @sscarchiyo @arkangelee @chrronoir @sleepypengwin @yakshalea @kazemiya @menhwa-pdf @mikctp @gabirii @solxima // ask/comment to be added/removed! (if you're in bold i can't tag you)

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Uea and Red

I don't have a fancy intro for this so lets just get right into it.

Uea is red. We know Uea is red. I know Uea is red. But there is just something about the red on Uea that feels wrong. That I am having trouble wrapping my mind around. Maybe it's just that the color choice doesn't match well with James, but I'm going to choose to analyze it as an intentional part of the show instead, because fuck it, we ball. Because you see, it isn't all of the reds that I have trouble believing, just one specific shade.

So what red do I have a problem with?

The bright red. Uea's main red. Unfortunately :(

There is just something about it that makes it feel...fake? to me.

But, as I said, there are plenty of moments in the show where I wholly accept, understand, and associate Uea with red.

So when do I buy into Uea Anol The Red Rascal?

In lighting like this:

In clothing like this:

(I do consider pink to be a red since it has red in it.)

(This last image is from the after-credit scene of Cutie Pie where Net and James cameo as King and Uea).

In King's sheets:

All this to say that there are times when I completely see Uea as a Red Rascal, but I needed to figure out what it was about the main red that always took me out of that mindset. What was it about the main red that made me feel like it was a lie?

And after reading @respectthepetty's commentary on a previous thread : "Uea wearing a blue shirt in the past could very much symbolize him trying to not be himself." it really got me thinking.

That red is too saturated, too vibrant, too loud for Uea. At least in my opinion. Because while RTP is also correct and Uea "has been shown to be more spontaneous, attention-getting, and dominant" that is really only true when Uea is being sexual. When it comes to sex, Uea is the more dominant person. It is Uea that initiates/asks for the first sexual encounter with King, it is Uea who sets the (truly low bar) rules, at every point of the sexual relationship he has with King, Uea is in control.

But the same can't be said for non-sexual situations. In social situations, in matters of day to day existence, external personality, etc. King is the far more outgoing person. At the office King is the one who gets all the attention, he is more openly flirty. And while Uea gets his share of attention in the office, he does not reciprocate it the way that King does. Uea is quiet, Uea is reserved, and that's doubly the case when Uea is triggered. Unless he is actively re-living the moment, he dissociates or retreats in to himself to process his own emotions. When Uea's mother asks him for tuition in Episode 1 and he starts thinking about all his other stressors, he doesn't say a word, he just returns to the karaoke room and starts drinking:

At the hospital he folds in to himself, he barely puts up a fight, the only time he really even says "No," is when King starts reaching for his own wallet:

When King sniffs his neck the way his stepfather used to, Uea retreats to a hallway to hide. At no point does he offer any explanation (and to be clear he doesn't have to, he's allowed to keep it secret)

Honestly, the only way anyone in Uea's life probably has any indication that Uea is going through so much is from physically witnessing it themselves (King seeing Uea freaking out in the dark, King seeing Uea submissive in front of his mother, Jade protecting Uea from Pock, King rescuing Uea from Pock).

So to have such a bright and vibrant red for Uea feels wrong, it feels like a lie to me. Mostly because Uea's daily personality is more passive and restrained compared to his more open and demanding personality in the bedroom. I believe Uea as a Red Rascal when his reds are darker and muddier (the red-browns) or lighter and more subtle (the pinks). Uea's bright reds make me question his color-coding far more because it is so strong a color. (To be clear here this is not me saying I don't think Uea is strong, just me saying that he is too quiet for the bright reds).

And it got me thinking more about when and where Uea wears the bright red colors and where he doesn't. And it always seems to be in moments of anxiety.

When Uea wears bright red:

At the very beginning of Episode 1 when he is introducing himself to the audience

When he goes with King to get tested for STIs

When he goes home for his birthday.

These are all anxiety inducing moments.

Uea is making a first impression on us the audience, he's trying to gets us to see what he wants us to see. He is trying to convince us that what he is telling us is true. That is ordinary. The literal first words in his opening monologue are:

"I'm just an ordinary salaryman. I'm nothing different to others, but there might be one thing different...I don't like being around people in the office,"

Three minutes later, we get the truth:

Uea may seem like an ordinary salaryman on the outside, but he has been horrifically abused and is struggling with navigating trauma that is far outside what I would call "ordinary". Guess who picks up on the issue? King.

STI testing is the same thing, Uea is worried and King says as much:

And anyone who has seen Episode 4 understands perfectly well the anxiety Uea must be feeling at the prospect of going home. Because well...

#pransdaddarktimelineedition

And we know one of Uea's coping mechanisms is sex. He can't find the words to talk about his feelings properly so he tries to push them down, and distract himself with pleasure. If we want to look at the bright red as anxiety, Uea usually has something white on as a cover. His anxiety is there but he is trying to hide it.

But at King's he takes that white sweater off, tries to fuck his feelings away, but the anxiety is fresh, he hasn't regulated his emotions enough yet to be convincingly okay, and King #greenflagextraordinaire once again notices Uea is not in an emotionally secure enough place to proceed with sex.

And sure, you can argue that Uea wears these bright reds while he's one on one with King, and there the bright red can't just be anxiety, and we could also argue that every color has positives and negatives and the same could be said for the bright red. And to that I say, sure, but the one on ones with King are as follows: King snaps Uea out of an active trigger, King and Uea discuss starting a friends with benefits situation, Uea shows up to King's apartment on short notice after having a breakdown. None of these moments are what I personally would consider stress free.

Compare that to when Uea wears more muted/subtle reds:

The first time he meets King in a bar, (this is actually the brightest red that he wears that I can actually believe for Uea, and that's because it is a darker red than the other three firetruck red shirts.)

The day after he's shared a moment of connection and trust with King in the hospital after sending his mother home.

When he has forgiven King for accidentally triggering him without King knowing and is ready to re-initiate the FWB.

In the pool with King, when King asks him if he likes the sea and Uea replies "Kind of, but I preferred the calm one,"

Even the red lighting is different, the first red light is brighter and more intense, and that's because Uea is under time pressure to make a decision about whether or not to start the FWB deal with King. In the warmer post-coitus light of the second lighting photo, Uea is incredibly relaxed, almost drowsy, and is being asked to answer honest questions about why he agreed to be FWB. He's not anxious here, he's calm, and as a result Uea and King get to bask in a richer, deeper, less harsh red light. We can interpret the same information from King's sheets, with Uea being happy and relaxed and cuddled by King.

And even when we finally get King in red:

It's still not as bright as Uea's more purely red outfits (ie not the red-browns or the pinks). And naturally because King is still hiding something we've got to trap the brand new red color with all that black.

ANYWAY all of this to say I have figured out what is off-putting to me about the bright red, what makes me feel like it's a lie. IT'S BECAUSE IT IS A LIE!! Or I guess, more accurately, it's an over-compensation. Uea is red, but his trauma and his pain has made that red less vibrant. If respectthepetty is right, and let's be honest the Parent of All Tumblr Color Theory is always right, then Uea wearing blue at home was his way of suppressing his true self.

And if that's the case, then the separation he has from home, because he is no longer living there (since he's still in communication with his mother and therefore cannot fully be separated), has allowed Uea to stop hiding his true self, and embrace the Red Rascal he is. BUT because of his trauma, because his response to trauma seems to be more on the flight and freeze side of things, he is more prone to submission in the face of environmental triggers. When he can no longer simply ignore his mother's text messages, he will try to get his Mom to take a taxi, then give her money, and then resign himself to going to the ATM rather than actually fight her. When he sees his stepfather again, he will run to the dining room rather than engage, he will try to run to the kitchen, when he is stopped he will beg, quietly so as not to make a scene, and then he will run, and run again. (I want to be clear here, Uea does not need to fight, he is doing everything right, and he's doing the best that he can.)

When Uea is faced with high anxiety situations, he needs reminders of who he is. And those reminders need to be bright, and they need to be loud, because they need to be able to break through his initial panic and ground him. So he wears the bright red to tell himself and tell others fundamentally who he is:

A Red Rascal

And funnily enough, this bright red shirt Uea wears at the end of Ep. 4 is the only bright red shirt so far that doesn't bother me. It seems to fit him better than the other bright reds do and that is probably mostly because the loudness of this shirt is mitigated by the shadows on the front darkening the overall color and back of the shirt being washed out by the light rather than intensified by it. Or possibly because the pattern breaks up the color in a way that doesn't make it even brighter. I feel like the solid white stripes, and the solid white jacket from the examples above make their reds almost neon.

Here though, Uea is drunk and being hit on by a stranger. I don't think our boy is coping very well with the realization that he might be falling for King and so the Anxiety Red comes back. But it's not as In Your Face Bright Red as the others, and that's because he's not in as high stakes of a situation here. It's just hinting to me of potential inner turmoil on Uea's end, and since I haven't read the book I have no idea if Uea is contemplated fucking up a good thing and trying to end it because he doesn't think he is deserving of good things.

---

And for a total tangent, shout out to the purple in Ep. 3 after King and Uea's first night as official FWBs. I love when red and blue combine ;)

Ok, I have nothing else to say on this matter at this time. Thanks for listening, and as always if you made it this far, please collect your invisible Participation Medal.

TL;DR: Uea is a red rascal, but only when he is wearing muted red tones, not when he's wearing actual red. Shhh, I know...but it makes sense in my head

[transdimensional-void]

So early in the first book Jessica and Leto discuss hanging the painting of Leto’s father in the dining hall and Jessica doesn’t want it there because it’s distasteful for her but Leto gets all “he’s the great late Duke of the grand house atreides” yada yada and says this

Which I felt was a very insensitive thing to say to the woman who was always insecure that he didn’t marry her and second, he loves her. More than that, it distinctly shows the feudalism so entrenched in their society by way of the painting and Leto conveniently never marrying just to keep his “options open” and that is so… and then Herbert being a total misogynist is so on brand.

And then someone said that is an example of Leto being funny and joking with Jessica.

What do you think? because now I feel like I really overthought this lol

i think jessica's reaction makes it clear that, from her perspective at least, that was no joke:

"She held her face immobile, nodded."

throughout the passage, we see jessica suppressing and controlling her emotions several times, so it's obvious here that she's keeping herself from showing how she feels about his "joke."

from leto's perspective, i don't think he was necessarily laughing either. he's certainly being wry. but it's more a case of whistling in the dark, in my opinion, perhaps even lashing out with the intention to hurt. a few paragraphs later, he thinks this:

"Ah-h-h-h, my Jessica, would that we were somewhere else, anywhere away from this terrible place — alone, the two of us, without a care."

this is in response to the realization that she was holding back what she really wanted to ask him when she asked him about his dinner plans. she'd just been thinking about how badly she wanted to influence him to abandon the entire arrakis enterprise but that she refused to use her bene gesserit powers to manipulate him into doing what she felt was best.

there's this ongoing tension between leto and jessica. he holds all of the social, political, and economic power in the relationship, but she has these basically superhuman abilities that could fully take him out any time she wants. but she chooses to submit to him anyway, because she loves him. and the thing is, leto knows that she holds back. she forces herself into the subservient position that is required to uphold his power.

i think leto feels that he is just as trapped by the feudal societal structures they live in as jessica is. as his thoughts later on show, he knows full well that he is wronging her by refusing to marry her. but he also feels he has no other choice, due to the knife's-edge political situation they live in. leto choosing not to marry jessica is not an isolated decision but merely one link in his overall political strategy, a strategy that jessica doesn't fully support but submits to nevertheless.

i think you're right that his words in that moment are insensitive. i think they are born of the anxiety he feels from the unresolved tension in their relationship. from his point of view, he wears this albatross of heritage and duty around his neck (note how they are having this conversation about a portrait of his dead father and the taxidermied head of the bull that killed him, complete with his father's dried blood on its horns), and she won't just accept that that's the way things have to be. jessica first thinks that she could use her abilities to make him budge about moving these disgusting items somewhere other than the dining room. then she thinks that she could use her abilities to make him abandon his plans for arrakis. the two things she wants to change are, in this way, explicitly linked: symbol and reality.

jessica could make everything go the way she believes is best, but instead she does her duty as a duke's concubine and submits to his will. leto's comment hints that if he had married her, she might have to stomach even more unsavory duties. perhaps he truly believes that leaving her as a mere concubine makes her freer in some sense. but i think what his comment reveals most is that he feels hurt by her inability to fully place her faith in his decisions. he's lashing out, prodding at the sore point on purpose.

it's telling that he brings up the word "duty" in that moment. that's really what this conversation boils down to: they're both chained by the sense of duty their society has imposed upon them, and it introduces an unresolvable tension into what otherwise could have been a happy, harmonious relationship.

tl;dr: no, you aren't overthinking it. the person who made that comment is underthinking it.

[curtsies-from-princess-ashlyn]

Who says we have to let it go? (a season 4 reflection)

As promised, I finished rewatching the show in full one more time, so now I will finally put my S4 thoughts to paper (or screen). Coincidentally, this is also the day that the series finale would've dropped if S4 was released weekly, so it feels fitting to write this today, anyway.

Even after the initial Rina fog has lifted and excitement has died down, season 4 still remains my favorite season. While it has plenty of issues with plotting (certainly more than s3 or s1), it absolutely nails it thematically. The season explores the importance and consequences of vulnerability, and the power of seeing others as they truly are (as I mentioned in an older post, it's all about vulnerability and authenticity), and every main character's storyline so beautifully contributes to those themes in unique ways. There's also a really interesting dynamic between looking to the future and holding onto the present being explored this season, and I think the glamor of HSM4 (a hollywood movie) and the humility of HSM3 (a high school play) are symbolic of each respective idea. There's actually a lot I want to discuss about each character's relationship with both HSM4 and HSM3, and how it succinctly shows their internal feelings about their futures, but maybe that's for another time. Anyway, Tim has said his intention for the show's thesis is to find people who see and accept you for who you are, but this last season goes so much deeper with that concept, emphasizing the necessity of letting yourself be seen and known, too. This can be through letting your walls down, letting your flaws and struggles be seen, choosing to forgive those you love and take a second chance, or boldly speaking what's in your heart. Nearly every original song this season touched on this theme in some way, which really emphasizes the thematic cohesion of this season.

This leads me to the music, which is the best it's ever been in the show. Every single one of the originals is so good, and I love that there was also (finally) a showtune in a traditional musical theater style ("Over Again")! However, the score is what really stuck out to me this season (HUGE shoutout to Gabriel Mann, the scorer of the show). I do think the scoring of S3 really started to assist with telling the story by including more recurring leitmotifs (I think the return of the Rina cue helped), but the score of S4 really leans into this aspect of storytelling, especially in the final 2 episodes. There's leitmotifs to represent Shallow Lake, a magical motif from "Dreams Don't Die" to represent the magical and fleeting nature of high school theater, countless variations of the Rina cue, and I'm pretty sure there's even a recurring leitmotif established for Kourtney (I have to go back and listen for if it's used beyond her scenes).

Another thing that really stuck out to me was how well each episode was written. I think overall, there are leaps between some episodes that don't feel natural, but the story of each episode is well constructed and executed. There's genuinely not a single episode this season that I would say is boring or pointless... certainly some plotlines throughout the season turn out to be, but the episodes themselves are solid. Unfortunately, some of the plotlines this season feel like they end really abruptly, which did feel jarring on a first (and second) watch. I do believe Bart Johnson when he said some stuff for HSM4 was cut, because I was surprised at how little the OGs were in this season. Same can be said for Dani's storyline, which really felt superfluous in the end result. I hope that there's a showrunner's/extended cut released of this show someday, because that would probably fix those issues.

Overall, with this being the last season, it had the most important job of closing the show out in a truly complete way. I really believe it competently did that job, and I think how it finished the growth of the lead characters is what makes it conclusion so poignant. Everyone will have their opinions on how the show handled certain characters, but how Ricky and Gina (and even EJ, to a lesser extent) were handled in this last season absolutely tells me these writers knew what they were doing with these characters. The last series finale I watched that concluded character arcs so resolutely, with such tremendous humanity and truth, was Lost (Jack Shephard's arc is one of the most complete and profound I've ever seen). Gina Porter has always been a character I related to deeply, and that final season really made my connection with her even more personal and heartfelt. I actually have experienced healing of some wounds of my younger self witnessing her story, and I see how much more growing and healing I still have left.

So, what's the sum of my thoughts on season 4? I wouldn't change a thing! Ok, that's not necessarily true, but I still love it as it is. It was the funniest season (seriously, every single joke was hilarious), it was the most heartfelt, it was thematically rich, and it helped me say goodbye to the wildcats, while still holding onto hope for a bit more.

[kitkatt0430]

it is interesting to me how Captain America's shield is also being used as a metaphor for the super soldier serum at times in this show (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier)

Sam who has neither the serum nor the shield at the moment proposes that maybe he should have destroyed the shield

Karli who has the serum but not the shield thinks the same

but the shield is a symbol of power (and symbols are power in their own right) and the serum is power - both are dangerous in the wrong hands, and Karli is unwilling to admit hers are the wrong hands. If she can't have the power the shield represents then she resents and fears it and wants it destroyed. But Sam sees the damage the power can do and actively does not want that power - whether it's the shield or the serum. That said, what Karli wants is ultimately a good thing but she has allowed the power to go to her head, causing more problems than she solves because of her extreme methods - methods she seems to choose because she has the power to do so, not because she genuinely believes they're right.

John doesn't handle power well. He's a soldier who is at his best taking orders, not giving them. And so when he is given power - the shield - or takes it - the serum - the path he follows becomes one of good intentions and poor decisions.

But eventually Sam picks the shield up and takes the power it represents, even though he would not accept the serum. Both are forms of power that can bring out the best and the worst in people - recognizing that this power isn't going away any time soon, Sam accepts the responsibility that comes with the shield recognizing that while the decision to bear the shield is a personal one, the outcome ultimately can't be about him. And that by putting his personal discomfort over accepting the responsibility the first time, he bears some responsibility for what happened after.

I think that's probably why I like Sam as Captain America better than the person MCU Steve Rogers became over time. Sam understands the weight of responsibility has to come first.

[ac-liveblogs]

BNHA "I'm Almost There!" Catchup

I'm allllmost up to date on My Hero Academia (Bakugou just died) and it's... hmm.

(I decided to catch up once it started trending every other week due to Certain Plot Developments, watching the anime before switching into the manga.)

This is an... interesting series to think about.

BNHA spent a lot of time being a mid-to-okay series that didn't really dip in quality, but had a hard time excelling after the sports festival. It got to a really bad point where the most exciting thing happening was the Hawks/Endeavour storyline and it was struggling to keep Deku (let alone anyone else) relevant to the narrative (burdens of being chained to a high school).

None of the League of Villains were particularly fun or memorable characters for the longest time. It was really hard to care or get invested in them outside of the potential of what Dabi's arc might bring. I was pretty surprised when Shigaraki kept popping up. But while the series wasn't particularly... exciting, it became a real slog in seasons 3 to 5. It was meticulously setting up a lot of plot threads to all pay off later, but that didn't make watching them get laid out very fun.

The end of season 5 really changed things though. The LoV's picked a fight with the Meta Liberation Army and like, suddenly, Shigaraki, Toga and especially Twice were interesting characters. Man, I cannot believe it took 5 whole seasons for me to like Shigaraki. I should have always liked Shigaraki. He just... abruptly decided to start being cool at the end of season 5. And then AFO decided to be the main villain again. Screw this guy.

Season 6 was really good. All the plot threads that got laid out suddenly started paying off. Didn't especially matter that there was a lot more focus on the pros, because I'd never gotten super attached to Class 1-A anyway. I'm particularly impressed with the way Bakugou and Deku's arc has started paying off; there's a lot of very intentional symbolism and parallels in play with them that I expect will continue to stack up over time.

BNHA is a very meticulously planned series - unlike something like One Piece, where I'm pretty sure Oda just leaves himself loose plot threads that he can choose to pick up later if he wants - but. Hmm. I kinda feel that for as well as the plot is planned out, the characters end up missing out in exchange.

Deku & Shigaraki are foiled as All Might/OFA and AFO's successors respectively, both learning to be the ultimate "hero" and "villain" over the course of the story. Because of that, Shigaraki largely failed to have a strong impact on the story until right before the final handful of arcs. This is also why it's kind of disappointing that AFO refuses to properly leave the story and let Shigaraki take center stage - choosing to focus on OFA vs AFO rather than Deku and Shigaraki as the "next generation" severely kneecapped Deku's Main Antagonist and any dynamic he might have with him.

While I think Bakugou and Deku's relationship has been developed quite nicely, Bakugou never... actually got any fights that make me think he kept pace with Deku prior to the War Arc. Or is even as Hot Shit as he's supposed to be. Because Shigaraki/AFO seem to be a shared nemesis for them and Bakugou's storyline is mostly internal growth, he never got anything equivalent to Deku's fights with Stain, Overhaul or Chisaki. Part of Bakugou's arc is accepting he wants to catch up with Deku but man, my guy needed to achieve a little more before that becomes believable. I mean, there were the movies, but. Come on. (todoroki and uraraka have the same issues)

While Deku inheriting the powers of the previous users makes thematic sense when paralleled against AFO if you consider Deku the culmination of their ongoing war against him, that aspect of his power came out so late in the game that it feels unwarranted and unearned. It's also disappointing, given that "being creative with what you have" is part of what made the limitations quirks have interesting, and Deku as a protagonist seemed explicitly designed to do exactly that.

Class 1A is so underutilised that the idea of them being the Next Generation of heroes feels like a bad joke. MHA takes them being kids in training pretty seriously... until it's time for the war and suddenly Deku, Bakugou and Todoroki are incredibly strong combatants capable of keeping pace with OP terrorists. Tokoyami as Hawks' mentee is cute, but Tokoyami is never as relevant as Hawks is, and he certainly isn't keeping pace with The Important 1A Students. Also, Kirishima... yeah. Despite being billed pretty strongly, I think he's Done now, which, narratively, is pretty uneven.

It doesn't really feel like Todoroki Shouto matters. He's the springboard for the Endeavour and Dabi storyline, but as soon as MHA shifts gears to focus on that it never really stops - so now it feels weird Endeavour isn't the one fighting Dabi and the Final Conclusion of the Todoroki storyline feels like a fight between strangers. I like Endeavour and find him very interesting, but him becoming a sympathetic character removed him as Todoroki's personal antagonist and Todoroki just... never recovered from that.

Despite Shouto feeling like he doesn't matter, only the storyline he's connected to, he's completely superseded Uraraka in terms of screentime. There's been a lot of opportunities to include Uraraka that have been ignored since the Sports Festival, so the idea that Toga is her Personal Nemesis She's Going To Beat In A Fight is a bit... lol, especially given how much of that revolves around Deku. I was grateful to see them gain an extra dimension to their relationship right up until the fight between them actually started. It really does not help that the Deku/Uraraka storyline always plays, like, third fiddle to Deku+Bakugou in major and Deku+Todoroki in minor.

...etc., etc. MHA has a pretty tightly planned story, but since every arc leads directly into the planned finale and allowances haven't been made to make much use of the. uh. hero academia students, i ended up in the weird position of enjoying the war arc but not really caring about most of the pieces at play in it. Maybe if MHA had had more disconnected arcs against random enemies that didn't really go anywhere but allowed the characters time to grow and level up it wouldn't feel like the final arc arrived before the principal cast was ready to be in it. Most of them not really being very combat oriented doesn't help. I understand this is all meant to be a "trial by fire" early initiation, but the gap is still hilariously large.

Anyway, Bakugou is dead, and I'm aware that he'll Be Back Soonish, so I'll be curious to see how any of this sticks the landing. I get the horrible feeling Horikoshi will be forced to construct relationships between designated hero/villain pairs during the final climactic showdowns which... sigh.

Also, I don't like most of BNHA's OP/EDs, but the background OST is so damn good. It's really really good. Seriously

[fantasyinvader]

If you think about it, Edelgard's story can be summed up thusly. Edelgard was born an Imperial princess until her father's attempts to consolidate power resulted in a civil war, Edelgard being taken to another country for her own protection around the same time her mother was exiled. Her devout uncle tried to save her, but then he was killed and she was taken back to the empire where she was experimented on and watched her siblings be murdered by the guy who killed her uncle and replaced him. Said guy then proceeds to gaslight Edelgard to turn her fury on his ancient enemies through Edelgard's father, which Edelgard accepts.

Her dedication to this twists her retainer to the point he pushes her to work with the people who experimented on her and killed her siblings, while he himself kills his father due to Edelgard's origin story. They find a man who snapped and killed his family to protect his mother and sister, turning him into a serial killer under their command. They sacrifice a friend, her being killed and her body being stolen by the people who experimented on Edelgard, and we can piece together how Edelgard's influence ends up being toxic to those who side with her during the war. Byleth's character growth is undone, Ferdinand no longer challenges Edelgard instead becoming more like Hubert, Dorothea is accepted by the nobility she hates as Edelgard's reforms oppress the masses, Bernie joins the war out of fear rather than leaving her room for 5 years because she refuses to support it, Caspar gives into bloodlust rather than following his gut to do the right thing leading to him potentially going berserk in other countries while leading the Imperial army after the war, Hanneman supports Edelgard's definition of merit despite it not only going against the original intent he tries to live up to but is representative of the moral decay of the Empire...you get the idea.

Yet whenever Edelgard or Hubert run smack into the reality of the situation, they reject reality. They've been a party to so much crap they can't justify their course if they were to acknowledge they were lied to. Edelgard retreats into lie and lie, all self-serving, while Hubert does not want to think about the truth. Even Jertiza seems to have his foot in reality more.

In the end, Edelgard dies at the hand of her teacher or step-brother. Someone who tried to teach her (look at the parley for Dimitri), but she refused to listen instead clinging to her own narrative. Edelgard could not reform because she rejected the truth, resulting in her death as a villain. Yet if she were to win she goes on to be a tyrant according to her creators but toned down in the translation, so the truth is meant to be important here.

Which begs the question, how sympathetic is Edelgard? She clearly got screwed over by TWSITD, but at the same time her rejection of reality is used by her to justify those she makes into victims. It's ultimately why she has to be stopped, and I think that's the point. Reality is a harsh mistress, and while Edelgard can believe she's in the right the facts don't line up with her interpretation. She's essentially tilting windmills as an Emperor rather than a wannabe knight errant. The Don Quixote lord if you will.

Which does fit with the Buddhist symbols thrown around. Dimitri outright calls the player out on following the path of the beast in the Japanese text, meaning a path of among other things ignorance or delusion. Edelgard, as said above, can’t survive in reality, which is a lot more complicated than the world she thinks exists. She needs her delusions in order to survive, and chooses to die at the end rather than face facts.

[asherlockstudy]

I’m excited to read any thoughts you have about the new R&L video!

Thank you! 🥺 I was actually unsure whether I would make a post about it or not, but how can I say no now hehehe I also delayed the answer hoping Ear Biscuits would illuminate some darker, unclear parts, but they didn’t.

The new video is lighter on the symbolism (its premise is symbolic but the details are less so) because of the inclusion of other, almost certainly unaware people. These people inevitably make the video less precise in its intention to be an allegory, because they have their own way of reacting to the situation, particularly Brian the exorcist. For example, I believe the part where they meet Brian in his studio and everything that happens there bears no symbolism at all. They just found the situation too weird to not include it in the final edit of the video. Furthermore, the longest part of the video is a dice game based on luck which makes it certain that many parts could deviate significantly from the symbolic premise.

The symbolism is almost certainly their struggles in their romantic pursuits until their marriages, with the shadow of the religious preachings always inside their minds. The church and their involvement with it is Brian. Brian does not want them to play D&D (have sex) unless there are the right circumstances, no magic, no violence (no homoerotic, not before marriage).

It’s interesting how in order to get into this game, they stress the most fundamental thing they have to do is to change identities and roleplay, and they ask Brian to accept that they will be using other characters. This might symbolise some insincerity in the way they were getting involved romantically with people in their youth.

Rhett’s character is a human warlock. From D&D Beyond:

A warlock is defined by a pact with an otherworldly being. Sometimes the relationship between warlock and patron is like that of a cleric and a deity (…). Warlocks are driven by an insatiable need for knowledge and power, which compels them into their pacts and shapes their lives. This thirst drives warlocks into their pacts and shapes their later careers as well.

So, you see, this paints Rhett perfectly. This is about Rhett being an - once dedicated - missionary and driven by his intellectual and spiritual concerns. His character’s name, Dothan, means “law”, “custom”.

Link’s character is a half man - half elf rogue. There is a duality here. From D&D Beyond:

Walking in two worlds but truly belonging to neither (…) Some half-elves live among humans, set apart by their emotional and physical differences, watching friends and loved ones age while time barely touches them. Others live with the elves, growing restless as they reach adulthood in the timeless elven realms, while their peers continue to live as children. Many half-elves, unable to fit into either society, choose lives of solitary wandering or join with other misfits and outcasts in the adventuring life.

I see two ways this can relate to Link. He often describes himself as a man-child. And then it could also be that he is uncertain in his sexuality, neither here nor there. At this point Link constantly speaks about the importance of accepting and loving your unique self, even if you feel like a misfit.

As a rogue, according to D&D Beyond:

When it comes to combat, rogues prioritize cunning over brute strength. (…) Rogues have an almost supernatural knack for avoiding danger.

Interestingly, his character’s name, Anwir, means “liar”.

Link adds more to his backstory, making his character to actively seek his elvish father in order to take revenge from him. Link as Anwir also goes through a wild rage at which he screams he has to see this adventure to the end and not become like his father. For those who are relatively new to Rhett and Link, know that Link added this element to his character straight from his own experience. Charles seems like a lovely dude and he and Link get along very well and happily but this is a recent development. Charles was not a good father during Link’s childhood. He left his mother and saw Link rarely. Link went through severe feelings of paternal neglect and abandonment during his childhood and adolescence. Link and his mother were actually taken care of by Charles’ parents, if I am not mistaken, and yet Charles wasn’t there in Link’s everyday life. Link has spoken many times in the past about how terrified he was as a young man that he would become like his father and would not become a good husband and dad. A lot of his self-beating up in his youth was because he did not want to be like him, which might suggest that deep inside he had solid reasons to fear he could end up being an unreliable husband or father. Link speaks much less about this now that his relationship with his dad has warmed up more than ever. I believe Charles has softened with age too.

Their co-players symbolise Christy and Jessie. A tall blonde and a short brunette. The tall blonde being a Druid, AKA a magical priestess very close to nature. The Druids considered trees sacred. Christy is obsessed with plants. Her character’s name, Emaris, means “industrious”.

The Brunette, Xalia, is a Tiefling Paladin. Tieflings are creatures with a partly demonic ancestry which however are not evil themselves. A Paladin is a knight committed to some holy quest, to justice or to a pure deity. So we have a character who is fighting for the good and for justice even though they have questionable or dual origin. The real, historical Paladins were knights in Charlemagne’s court by the way. Jessie has some French ancestry, I think. The duality in this case is unclear to me (some pages on the internet say she was raised by her mother, which would make her similar to the duality of Link’s character) or, who knows, it could be a sexual implication as well, and anyway Rhett has said Jessie had her very own journey of processing herself after their alienation from the Church. But she is a very warm and friendly person, undoubtedly interested in justice and doing good, just like Xalia. Xalia is an invented name, probably meaning something like “follower”, “compromising” or “God’s messenger”.

It is clear by now that the characters were chosen neither randomly nor lightly. Rhett and Link clarified both women are seasoned and established players. What I do not know, as I also haven’t watched the MS extras, is whether those characters are genuine characters these women play or they were given to them for this video in specific. Rhett and Link however said that the players were informed beforehand about the peculiarities and what was expected of them and were ready for it.

There’s also Lemar who is there as a dungeon master. He’s a real dungeon master. I don’t think there is any underlying significance in him. He must have been useful in helping them making all the connections they wanted (finding suitable players, characters, challenges etc). BTW he seemed like a great dungeon master and person.

Dothan and Anwir are partners travelling on one horse. Lemar says only that they had visions - demonic according to Brian - before they enter a small town. They don’t talk about the visions again in the final edit of the game so I wonder what the point was. My guess is visions = fantasies. Dothan and Anwir reach the small town and go to the inn, ready to mingle, as maybe the visions have been piling up.

Rhett and Link are awkward in their initial interactions with the two women, mostly due to Brian, probably like their adherence to the preaching was making their romances harder.

The first challenge they have is confronting five guys who want to steal and eat their horse. I am not sure whether there is a symbolism in this. Link leads in the confront… and in the awkwardness. Rhett names his magic “chemistry” and then does a silly illusion trick on the guy. The blonde woman sprays poison at him. Link goes on a rage about how he must not be like his father, steals the man’s sword but then his hit falls flat. My bet is that there is a symbolism in all this though but for me it is clearer on Rhett’s part.

Game-Rhett: I have a confession to make to the group, okay? That is, I can do magic but it’s not technically magic, it’s chemistry. I mean it looks crazy, it’s all fire and things but -

The Brunette shows understanding and acceptance.

Commentator!Rhett: I thought it was pretty clever, coming up with a way to always explain magic as some natural process but… is this tricking the demons? Are the demons like “he’s about to cast a spell…? Oh no, it’s a chemical reaction. We’re cool, God.”

To me, this sounds very much like Rhett’s explanation of how in his very hormone-driven puberty he was trying to have sex without having actual sex in every way possible and he had ways to justify every time how it wasn’t “actual sex” without a particular toll in his mental and spiritual well-being. It is interesting though that the enemies are all men. We don’t see the brunette interacting with them (Jessie was underage when everyone else was an adult), the blonde repels them effectively (Christy was a tough cookie very determined in her Christian upbringing), Rhett of course calls his magic chemistry and does a trick (raging wanking, foreplay and just constant self-manipulation that everything is all right) and of course Link wants to full-on attack but struggles and fails. Again, this is a dice game so I don’t know how much of it was random or edited, but the first challenge could be their temptations before marriage.

The next challenge is the one in front of the 4 evergreen trees (as many as the players) where there is a portal, a breakthrough in other words. While Rhett and Link acknowledge the portal is enchanted or demonic, they all know at this point that they are definitely going through the portal and so do the two women. Rhett first sticks his arm in the hole, because of course he does, which produces a snake ring in his finger, and the two ladies follow without much concern. This is a challenging task, once more, for Link. He is afraid but, in his words, he does not want to be left behind alone and he doesn’t want to be like his father (initiating and then abandoning marriages and families). Once they are all through the portal they link arms in a friendship circle (or marriage circle, I would say).

The world beside the portal is hostile though. They fall deep and a giant demon appears. Rhett is compelled to use the ring and summon a snake. With his snake (with whose symbolism they can’t be entirely liberal because Brian restricted them) he manages to constrict and immobilise the demon. Then Link does his sneak attack and gives the demon a very big hit. While Link praises himself for this, Rhett reminds him that it wouldn’t have been so easy for Link if Rhett had not bound the demon first. They kept on fighting the demon until it is defeated. Link dangles from the demon’s nipples, shrieking his victory over the demon and his father, whom he has now proven to surpass. Once they are done with the demon, they all four hop on that one horse and go on about their lives together.

Rhett and Link congratulate each other over this exhilarating experience. The video ends with a sense of success for all four of them. Before the end though, Brian burns the dice with which Rhett and Link played the game, at the fear of demons lurking there. The end is very abrupt, with a final shot on the dice burning, without proper or gradual closure like in the Dig A Hole video, and to me it looked very intentional. It gives off a feeling that although the video ends in a good note, this all-is-well success won’t last forever.

PS: As a last note, because I can’t stick it anywhere else, in his solo ear biscuit Link had revealed that the video would be about “a year” but apparently he was actually talking about the next video, the upcoming one. Unless it was about the year of their marriage but there is no reference to any year whatsoever in this video so I guess the year is going to be the third one.

[fieldsofwax]

Why TVD is the most meaningful vampire story & Delena cures the curse of vampirism

I believe all of TVD's lore goes back to the fear off loss of loved ones- Elena has guilt that her primal/dark nature (vampiric) caused the loss of her loved ones (her parents died after picking her up from a rowdy house party), causing her to pursue vampirism (she says she liked how Stefan would 'never die,' like her parents did) which means eternal unchanging love. She fears all that has come with her vampirism because she fears abandonment. Damon felt his humanity caused the loss of his love Katherine (in trusting Stefan with her secret), and pushes away love & his humanity out of fear of abandonment. But, he eventually chooses to become human to be able to love Elena fully. they both sacrifice the promise of eternal and unchanging love despite their fears of loss. their love taught them to accept change as the truest form of love-and that the eternal and unchanging is a false kind of love. To love one another even as they both change, for all that they are, and change one another. Therein, their love imo broke the doppelganger/original vampire spell that started with Silas and Amara (its intention was to preserve their love forever) as the doppelgängers of them did not choose one another (Stefan & Elena) and they chose to love through acceptance of death and letting go of the desire to preserve it. I see them being endgame as symbolically curing vampirism, and this is also why I think their children will have the cure in their blood, carried on through them. This is such a deeper message than people realize, a spiritual take on love- it doesn't fetishize immortality but celebrates humanity (unlike twilight).

[bottomlessabyssposts]

why'd you decide to make mike a child of hades? could u talk more about it??

Hello Anon !!! 

OKAY Listen I am obsessed with Hades!Mike so it will be my pleasure to explain it ! 

First !! I wanted to create conflict. Being a child of one of the big three is HARD, but even harder when it’s a child of Hades ! Hades was and is still feared by many, and often misunderstood in his own myths ! Which brings us back to Mike, whose intentions are often misunderstood as well ! “Why am I the bad guy ?”, making him seem like an asshole even when he’s not trying to be, when he’s trying to be the best he can while still having crushing expectations pushed on him !

He’s also the black sheep of his own family, and being a child of Hades will also make him the black sheep of the camp. The Freakiest freak amongst other freaks, you know ? It’s as if he was a crow, a symbol of bad omen, and with what happened to Will, I’m sure he’d believe it even harder. It also works as a way to isolate him, because he’s the only one apart from the Byers (with El later) to just know that Will is still alive. But he just can’t explain why, and that frustrates him. 

Because he’s a child of Hades, he inherits some powers, such as shadows (shadow travel, you know all that), necromancy… But he hates it at first ; first and foremost because it reminds him of Will’s possession and so for a long time, he can’t even look at his shadows. He feels immensely guilty because if he has similar powers, he should’ve been able to help him. Mike hides his feelings by repressing them so no one would see them, and even hides his true self. He chooses to live in the shadow rather than accepting the light, because he thinks he’ll never be able to have it. 

His powers aren’t as useful as everyone else’s (or so he thinks !), and he’s absolute shit at using them anyway. In Mike’s head, he might as well be a human, because the only thing he’s good at is knowing if someone’s dead or not. And this gift is directly tied to his love towards his friends. That’s the only thing that can calm him, knowing if his friends are still alive. 

Also, with his new “status”, and his overall new solitude, he has seen everyone thriving in their new cabins, having new siblings and friends and having fun. While he’s all alone in his cabin. This is another reason why he hates being a child of Hades. Because being that doesn’t give him anything ; he can’t build things out of thin air like Dustin, he can’t control dreams like El, he can’t be a prodigy at anything related to arts like Will, he’s definitely not as tough as Lucas or Max, and not as smart as Nancy. (this one stings) He’s just the same Mike, but with shadows. He’s closer to the MindFlayer than he is to his friends, if we speak powers.

I imagine also his shadows being a reflection of his sexuality, and how he wants to present himself to the world. Accepting his shadows and what he thought was “bad” (reminds him of the MF) and even “dark” and “isolating” can actually be something useful, something that is an integral part of him and isn’t going away. He learns to accept his shadows and his sexuality, and sees that in the end, it’s not so bad. 

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi, I have been wondering about the scene of Khushi’s fantasy of comparing the two men in her life. Was she considering a future with Shyam seriously or was it just because their match was fixed. Dis Khushi ever accept Shyam as her prospective life partner ( before the revelation)? Why was she devastated at her broken engagement? Why was she in dilemma about Shyam’s intentions when he tried to prove he is bullied by Anjali? i am trying to understand the nature if their relationship

Hello Anon,

Ooh an analysis of Shyam and Khushi’s Relationship but from Khushi’s perspective! Interesting.

Of course she considered Shyam very seriously - her family had almost done everything to fix her alliance with him and Shyam even pseudo proposed at that point (lighting up the Gupta house in fairy lights and all).

And after their engagement she accepted him formally as her life partner but was dying on the inside and treated him like doomsday.

With her returning the key to Arnav, she gave up everything she felt for arnav. Yes it symbolically hit her that Arnav wrapped her finger and was about to put the ring - but she was practical enough to not let any dreams come up from that.

However Khushi was always uneasy about shyam. I think she realized that he didn’t really protest to this rushed engagement as much as he was saying and felt he was duplicitous in some way. And that this man probably might not be as nice as he seemed - you see her aggressively begin to question every statement he made, carefully assess every single action Shyam did.

Her gut told her something about him was off - and she didn’t share it at all with her family (for obvious reasons) - but neither did she dismiss her instinct.

I love the dream sequence because she was really imagining her future with what the society told and what her heart did. And Shyam was sweet, caring and loving - anyone would be happy to marry him! Arnav was rude, teasing and had a slight touch of passion.

And it’s so beautiful that even without the evil Shyam is, Arnav is her true suitor because he is Khushi’s choice. Her desire. And that is such a beautiful conflict because for a moment neither is the villain nor the hero.

The only thing that mattered is who the heroine wanted.

Khushi was devastated because she gave up so much to marry Shyam. Her anger and pain did stem from the fact that she didn’t listen to her instinct. She nearly married him for her father. She was ready for a future with Shyam - whatever that was. You see the weight of an arrangement of marriage is that even if you don’t have blind love for the man, that relationship ends up meaning a lot for you.

Shyam violated her trust, her family’s trust and made a mockery out of everyone. So it broke Khushi to pieces.

She never speaks of love because she never loved Shyam. But she did trust him.

And Shyam was a piece of shit. Khushi just knew never to believe anything what Shyam did ever apart from knowing he’s a weak terrible man. However she never knew the depth of shyam’s cruelty, so she was confused by why a man married to one of the most powerful families in Delhi would commit bigamy in the very same city.

What information was she missing?

Shyam tried to fill that gap in knowledge by putting it as if he’s in an unfulfilling and financially abusive marriage but he doesn’t realize the deep trust Khushi has in Anjali.

And while Khushi initially has dilemma over what she is seeing because logically Shyam being in a terrible marriage and choosing to live outside gives some answers to the reasoning behind his actions, she also trusts Anjali and goes with her gut instinct because that was right before and is probably right again.

Best,

- Jalebi

[artist-issues]

Okay, far be it from me to act like I could do a better job than Tennessee Williams.

EXCEPT THAT I COULD. Anybody could, with any kind of moral compass. 

What SHOULD have happened is Stanley should have tried to rape Blanche and Blache should’ve killed him with that bottle. She had enough parallels in her character to that of Norma Desmond for that to be a believable action for a lying, self-deluded, self-satisfying, cougar of an alcoholic woman. 

Then she should’ve kept descending into madness. Then Mitch should've come in, seen the evidence of everything (Stanley’s intent-to-rape guilt, Blanche’s killing him) and told that to Stella. And THEN Stella, with the newborn, should've suddenly accepted, like the freakin SEARCHLIGHT TURNED ON THE WORLD, that a) her husband was a monster and b) her sister is a monster. 

And then Eunice goes, “let the doctors take your crazy sister away, you and the baby come live with me.”

But heartbroken, yet clearsighted Stella would say, “‘No, I’m going with her. I’ll take care of her.”

And Mitch (who’s still hanging around in kind of disgusted fascination,) would continue his self-righteous train of thought and be like, “‘What? But didn’t you hear me: it’s all true, she really did stay at the Flamingo, and she really did get involved with a 15 year-old. And she’s crazy.”

And then Stella would look him dead in the self-righteous useless thuggish eyes around that humongous nose and be like, “‘I know. I always knew, deep down, but I didn’t want to believe it. [insert some line about keeping things in the shadows] But the fact is, even when I see her as she is, I can still love her. So i’m going to take care of my sister. Come on, Blanche, honey, we’re going to be free of this place after all.”

And then she takes crazy Blanche by one arm and carries the baby in the other, and the two of them step over Stanley’s stupid pig corpse, and they join the doctors peacefully at the door and drive out into the New Orleans sunshine.  Before the ending, the whole movie was using light as a symbol, this threatening thing that Blanche had to hide from, because she knows if people see her, not just her fading beauty and advanced age, but if they really see her and all her wrongdoings, they won’t help her. She thinks showing people the truth will end in something bad, and it does: Stanley keeps smashing her over the head with harsh truths and judgements, and when Mitch finds out the truth he abandons her and tells her she’s no good. There are plenty of characters who keep banging the “"Truth-is-Dangerous-and-Will-Leave-You-Unloved” gong.

What they needed was for Stella, another character who, like Blanche, hides from harsh truths, to grow past that. And in that growth process, she could've taught Blanche, even as a crazy broken shell of a person, that not everybody who learns the horrible truths about you will abandon you. It would've worked two ways! Blanche could've learned that the truth was the new start she was looking for with her sister’s loyalty and shelter, and Stella could've learned that real love isn't lust; it's choosing to acknowledge the bad and help anyway.

Because you know what? The consequences of broken people being seen as they really are should not, in fiction, be cruelty and more cruelty. You can punish monsters, and you can kill monsters, but if you have the chance to represent the light of truth shining on monsters as something that ends in love and redemption, you should take that chance every time. Not leave the world more arbitrary and cruel than you found it. 

And certainly not expect me to believe that a character who spent the whole movie refusing to believe anything she didn’t want to believe would stick to a commitment…to live ten steps above her rapist husband as if she’ll never see him again. Honestly. What a freakin ending fumble. 

[weakforarwen]

The Sorcerer’s Shadow

Another episode that made me ask “Do the writers actually know what they’re doing with the series?”. I thought people were evil, not magic. I thought people were corrupt, not magic. I was wrong. Apparently, magic corrupts too. Gilli is yet another example of the dangers of magic. He used magic for his own gain and not for good - whatever that means - so the power got to his head and he nearly ended up like Morgana. According to Merlin, who is the ultimate authority on magic, magic should be used to protect tyrants, not to kill them. 

I don’t even know what to say about this episode. Were the writers aware of their mixed messaging surrounding magic? If they were clever or stupid, I can’t tell. The series is about Merlin, a sorcerer destined to help Arthur return magic to Camelot, so why is magic evil 90% of the time? Was the point of consistently showing only the dangers of magic to never give Arthur a good reason to doubt his father’s teachings and thus keep the ban on magic in place until the end of the series? Did the writers want Arthur to conquer his fears and overcome his prejudice by the goodness of his heart alone? Arthur had to show he really was the Once and Future King, the greatest King to ever live, by accepting magic without being given a good reason to? He had to accept magic simply because he was a compassionate and fair King who believed people, even sorcerers, were innocent until proven guilty? He was pure of heart, so he needed but one small example of magic being used for good to question his beliefs? Because Arthur choosing to see the good in magic when it had caused him so much pain proved his worth more than him accepting magic because he had good reasons to? Because Arthur was ultimately a symbol of hope, kindness, and mercy?

An issue with that logic is that Arthur saw innocent children get killed because they had magic but that wasn’t enough for him to question his father’s “legacy”.

Even ignoring this “detail”, Arthur still needed to be shown that magic was more complex than he knew. However, the only time magic was used for good in front of Arthur was when the Dolma saved Gwen. Where was the nuance surrounding the discussion of magic? The only people to use magic for good in the series were Merlin, and perhaps Gaius. Anyone else with real magical powers had bad intentions. Most magical creatures were evil and most magic users went evil. The only consistent messaging regarding magic was that it was dangerous and needed to be carefully monitored. That was the biggest reason to make it legal; so people like Gilli could be educated on the best use of magic.

Gilli’s father never used magic because he was afraid it would corrupt him. Gilli thought his father had been a coward, but after seeing how magic changed him, he realized his father had actually been strong. Gilli didn’t want to be ashamed of who he was, so he wanted to punish Uther and prove his worth. But he was wrong to do so because magic is supposed to be used for good, not vanity, and killing Uther wouldn’t have helped anyone because Arthur would’ve become more prejudiced against magic. What am I supposed to make of this? Why can’t magic be used for selfish reasons? If magic’s neither good nor bad, must it be used for good? Are people only supposed to do things for the good of others? 

I really hated how black and white the episode was. The moral of the story is that magic should only be used for good (for whatever reason), and Gilli, not Merlin, was betraying their kind by using it for evil. Gilli learned that he should be scared of himself and of his magic, but that his time would one day come, when Uther died of natural causes and Arthur became King. Great. 

On another note, this episode had way too much testosterone. Morgana had fun playing Uther; girl really tried everything method in the book to kill him, including death by an enlarged ego. It was funny and gross. Uther was so disgusting this episode, so arrogant and boastful. Morgana manipulated him so well. Men and their egos... Arthur was forced to pull a Merlin and swallow his pride to prevent his father from being humiliated in front of his people. Arthur lived one day in Merlin’s shoes and absolutely hated it. Unlike Merlin, however, his good deeds were acknowledged in the end.

This episode would’ve benefited from Gwen’s presence. Seeing her cute face would’ve cheered me up, and it would’ve made so much sense for her to watch Arthur fight in the tournament and be proud of him for letting his father win. Why wasn’t she there?

Everyone wants recognition, but only Merlin is strong enough to live without it. Essentially, he’s like a nun who’s renounced his pride, vanity, etc., which is why he’s the only one good enough to yield magic and not be corrupted by it. I’m really starting to think the creators of this show are Catholic. 

Don’t mind me, I’m tired and this review is absolutely terrible. 

Anyway, I was moved by Arthur throwing the match against Uther. Arthur will always swallow his pride for the greater good, and that is rather admirable. I was also moved by Merlin revealing his magic to Gilli, although, seeing Gilli, who almost went evil, change courses after Merlin showed him a “better” way had me asking myself why Merlin didn’t think to do that with Morgana...

[haztory]

the gift that keeps on giving, i bring you: part 3.5 aka more angsty spiderman!kuroo. based on this ask

warnings: jokes about suicide, angst, flowery language (literally), heartbreak, not beta read

(w.c. 3.1k)

masterlist | part one | part two | part three

Kuroo’s never been one for literature, but like most ill-fated science oriented students attending university, he’s forced to indulge in the frivolity of scrupulous passages and choose between insanely complex paper topics or unnecessarily lengthy speeches as a final grade for a class totally unrelated to his major, with the option of a rope and a ceiling fan nowhere in sight.

And it’s fine, really; He can chop up a paper and turn it in without much issue, cite a couple of quotes and make up some reason about the purpose behind a character’s actions, but the fact of the matter remains that he truly, desperately, emphatically does not care. The author’s intention is more of a fun fact than an imperative aspect to the story, the reflective parallels between the loss of a spiritual world and the evolution towards a material one is met with a sarcastic nod, and the symbolism of an inanimate object and its magnitude goes in one ear and out the other.

Because Kuroo Tetsurou believes in the concrete, in the tangible—not the abstract. Finds comfort and surety in numbers and formulaic strategy, not in the whimsical and ornate promises of liberal arts.

That is until the month of April brings the mentioning of wisteria. Until the month of April brings you.

It’s two weeks into the semester when the language of flowers becomes the topic of this week’s lesson. Renga and haikus assigned the night before, each one holding petals in the subject and while Kuroo haphazardly read them all, made messy and half-asleep notes scribbled the same morning of the lecture, it’s the talk of wisteria that finally has him piqued in interest.

The question is posed to a silent class, “What is the common interpretation of wisteria that you’ve gathered from the readings?” Kuroo is about to cave and raise his own hand, if only to make the silence of the wait that much more bearable, but he’s beaten by a few seconds. His bullshit simple answer of beauty dying on his tongue.

“Immortality and love, respectively. But combined together it’s supposed to be the promise of an eternal love with abundance and loyalty, and so on. Hence why most of these poets and painters from the readings equate their passions towards the longevity of the vine, meaning long-lasting, or the blossom of the petals, the bliss of emotions and the sensitivity of their love. Indefinite love that aches in the winter and shines in the spring.”

There’s an energetic nod from the professor and a quick transition into the greater details of the poems that everyone in the class seems to get swept up in, but Kuroo finds himself stuck. Eyes fixated on the person who spoke with such a gleam in their irises and a levity in their tone, a new face he had yet to familiarize himself with in the blur of a busy schedule— all because of the lyricism of flowers.

Kuroo finds his eyes stuck on you.

There’s the remnants of a pleased look on your face as your answer is accepted as fact and the professor continues on with the lecture, the hint of a smile on your lips as you jot down notes and lean forward in your seat to hear more. Nevermind the fact that you’re in the first row.

And… yeah. He doesn’t know why, doesn’t understand what pieces seem to click together in his brain that decide, on stupid impulsivity and his STEM brain alone, that he should devise a thorough plan to introduce himself to you. If only to know your name— because who wouldn’t want to know the name of the girl who spoke with a glint in her eyes and a softness to her tone that he almost, for a second, believed in the truth of a plant’s message.

He’s just going to go for it; Going to walk up to you after class, throw in a couple of teases about your obsession with flowers, maybe a charming smile. One plus two equals three— strategy, faith in the solidarity of numbers. Percentages and plans and whatever else is deemed comfort in the brain of a chemistry major surfacing as reason enough for his success.

Piece of cake.

“Hey, wisteria girl!”

He trips over his laces trying to get to you in the hallway when classes end. Not a small trip either, but a full on tumble. Lanky legs fumbling for ground, one shoe almost being pulled off completely, and had it not been for the fact that he dove straight into the backpack slung over your shoulders, he would’ve had a concussion on impact with the ground.

“Holy— are you okay?!”

A rope and a ceiling fan is too much of a slow death, he thinks as the floor enters his eyesight. Kuroo wants a gun to his temple. Your hands wrap around his arm, pulling him upward from his kneeling position, and he tries, rather lamely, to brush off the incident with the dust from when he made out with the ground.

“Yeah, I’m— uh, that was— I’m so sorry.”

“Are you hurt?” His ego is; Massively damaged, no point of recovery. DNR is stamped across his forehead and he’s the one that put it there.

“No, no. I’m fine, I was just—” He lies, finally able to see past the red that no doubt floods his face and finally looks you in the eyes. And maybe it’s the lighting or maybe it’s the fact that he all but planted into the ground and probably does have a concussion, but his ability to speak has vanished. Mouth running dry as one thought bounces around alongside the pounding of his head: pretty.

You quirk a brow, eyes in widened confusion staring expectantly at him and his cheeks burn. Painfully.

“I—uh, just, I wanted to—” He swallows thickly, suddenly remembering there’s a reason no girl ever looked twice at him in high school because every attempt to actually make a plan to talk to one, somehow ended like this. Known, Kuroo was in the halls of his hometown school, smooth he was not. Still isn’t. Kenma was going to crucify him if he ever found out about this. “Wanted to know how you know so much about the… symbolism of wisteria?”

His voice raises in octaves as he poses the question and your eyebrows furrow. Confusion runs rampant across your face in the slight gape of your mouth and the narrowing of your eyes, of which he swears you clutch your textbook closer to your chest.

“...I read the passages.”

“Oh. Yeah, no, of course, yeah. It’s just, I figured that, you know, you—” His voice cracks at the end of the sentence and he wonders if the windows lining the hallway are high enough to do some serious damage if he jumps, “Jesus, fuck— you seemed excited talking about it so, I thought…”

He trails off, unable to find any kind of rhythm. Running a hand through his hair that he regrets not doing this morning, he tugs at the strands. A punishment and a message to get it together, man.

“You… thought you could ask me about the symbolism of wisteria because I answered one question about the same passages that you also read? And because you thought I was excited about it?”

If he weren’t so fixated on the fact that he was clearly the dumbest human being in the world, he would have noticed the way that a teasing lilt taints your words; Would have noticed the fact that your lips have turned into a charming smile of their own; Or would have gathered that you were far better at playing this game than he could ever hope to be.

He laughs breathlessly, running a hand down the side of his flushed face, intense urge for death dwindling the moment he sees the upward curl of your lips, “This… is going way worse than I thought this would.”

“How did you think this would go, exactly? Don’t tell me the tripping was part of it.” You ask with a giggle and he doesn’t think it was possible to fluster more, but he does. He feels warm underneath his loose shirt and the pervasive eyes of the passing students have nothing on the way that your gaze makes him crumble.

Any hope of being smooth flies out the window at the meeting of irises, and he finds himself blurting out the truth, “I thought I would get your name.”

So you tell him, with a smile and a slight shake of your head. The first of many to come, and he’s instantly hooked, “Or ‘wisteria girl’ if you prefer.”

“Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“You sure that’s your name?”

“What, do you— do I not look like a Tetsurou?”

“You do. I’m just making sure you don’t have a concussion. You fell for me pretty hard.”

And so it goes.

It’s early May when wisteria actually begins to bloom and after snatching a couple of pamphlets of the wisteria tunnels display at the Kawachi Fuji Gardens and spilling coffee all over himself in the process, he somehow manages to get your number and a date a few weeks after your introduction.

Drooping vines of blooming purple skim the top of his head and the smile that stains your face seems permanent. Visions of violet seeming more vibrant with you and he finally gets the lyricism of all those poets and painters from class. A blossom falls onto your hair and he picks it off with a laugh, a joke falls off of his lips about the prophecy of your nickname and when you giggle in kind, his fate becomes sealed. Understanding what they mean when they look at wisteria and see only the face of their beloved.

He doesn’t kiss you under the symbolism of eternal affection, but he wants to, and maybe that’s an allegory that should be scrutinized and regarded before a student body all on its own.

A year later and well into the routine of a relationship and the beginning phases of his reign as Spider-Man is when tradition strikes and you both return to the embrace of weeping plants. Only this time, Kuroo is able to do as he wanted all those months ago. Beneath the arch of flowers with the sun setting in the distance and a gentle breeze swaying the blossoms to and fro, he leans down and presses his lips to yours. The seal of bliss and sensitivity pressed upon one another and deepened into the affection of love as one hand gently cups your jaw, tilting your head upward, and the other cradles the back of your head. He surrounds himself with the bloom of you, a fragrance that seems far more pleasant and overpowering that that of the flowerets around you.

Kuroo finds himself pleasantly clouded in the thought and throes of you. Lost in the bliss of gentle romance and high off the fact that where these newfound heightened abilities seem to flood and drown him, they grow suspiciously quiet when he’s near you. Love, Kuroo knows this to be. And with it sprouts the growing realization that, as he steps into his new shoes as a webbed hero, as he hopes to impact a city in a way that only he can, as he holds you close to him and tenderly kisses the softness of your face, his need to protect you and this love that you have graciously given him grows tenfold.

But it wouldn’t be love with Kuroo if he wasn’t fumbling somewhere.

There’s a dreamy smile pulling on the corner of your lips when he pulls away, eyelids half-lidded and adoration melted into your eyes. A dopey smile no doubt mirrored on his own, but when he turns to drop his hand in favor of grasping your own, his airy grin quickly turns to one of horror. Images of a red suit and you in his arms fading quickly as his fuck up becomes appartent.

His fingers are stuck. In your hair.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him, watching the sudden switch of emotions flicker across his face, yet blissfully unaware of the fate you would soon be subjected to.

“My hand—” He begins, only to quickly dart his eyes from his hand to yours. Widened ambers screaming for help, which only really kickstarts the panic in you. He pulls his hand back, gently at first, watching with very little amusement as strands of your hair begin to move with it. Your eyes notice the situation from the corner of your eye.

“Oh god, what’s wrong—”

“I think my hand is stuck in your hair.”

“What?”

“I think there might be some webs that came out and—”

“I thought you only produced webs from your wrist?!”

“Listen…” He breathes out and the weight of exhaustion expels from him. No doubt a number of memories of trial and error pulled to the forefront of his mind, this being added to that roster, “I’m learning this as I go.”

“Okay, well can you learn to get unstuck?”

“Well, I’m going to have to pull your hair, but it should be fine since we both know how much you like that.”

“Not the time.”

“Sorry. I’m just… kind of freaking out.” His voice strains as he tries again to flex his fingers tangled in strands, to no avail.

“Why don’t you try relaxing, first? Maybe that’ll work.” There’s an edge of nervousness in your tone that Kuroo sympathizes with, but his is running equally as frantic in his bloodstream as he tries to maneuver his hand out of the tangled mess. You yelp in pain, earning curious stares from adjacent couples that have also decided to wander through the tunnel of wisteria. No doubt not expecting to see such a precarious situation.

Domestic violence, one would venture to say as they witnessed two people grabbing roughly at one another, with one yanking on the other's hair. Although, usually, the person inflicting such pain doesn’t look like they’re about to pee their pants.

“Okay, okay. I’m going to just—”

“Don’t move that way, just—Tetsu!”

“Stay still, I think I’ve got it!”

Scissors have never seemed like such an enemy. And Kuroo has never felt worse than he did at that moment. You glare at him from his seat on the toilet lid in your bathroom as you sweep your freshly cut hair into the trashcan and he gulps.

Nervously adding, “I think you’re really rocking the short hair, baby.”

“You’re lucky I love you.” You spit back at him, angry and five inches short of hair, but it becomes an immortal sight; A cherishable one.

Lucky, indeed he is.

He’s a year older when May rolls around again, wisteria in their effervescent bloom once more as Kuroo walks the trail that holds such a weight in his heart. Only, this time, his hands aren’t held tightly by yours, but shoved deeply in empty pockets, and the smell of the flowers is no longer tempered by the sweet fragrance of your perfume.

All he sees is the purple of wisteria and tastes the bitter reminder of symbolism he thought he would never care about, and all he wants is you.

He’s older than he was when all he thought it would take to keep you close to him is a charming smile and a want in his heart. He has more responsibility now, more than he thinks he’s able to carry and with it comes a deep ache deep in his soul. A product of his own choices, a consequence he must accept, but the way the pangs grow harder with each passing day, he grows more convinced in the truth of wisteria purple and believes that this pain will be his forevermore. A love forged in wisteria is bound to reap what it stood for.

Immortal love, everlasting heartache.

Blossoms trickle all around him and like all fools caught in the beauty of purple, he gets lost in the memory. Until he hears it—believes that his heart knew of it before his brain did. The faint cadence of your voice in the distance that echoes loudly in his head, drowning out the din of all the other people idly strolling through the tunnel. A voice he could hear from a thousand miles away ringing louder than his rising heartbeat and he’s snapping his gaze forward before he knows any better.

And there you are, in the midst of blooming purple, a camera held closely to your chest and a faint smile on your face as you gaze at the flowers that surely belong to you and him. It isn’t the one that he knows— not the charming smile or the look of dreamy love. This one is smaller and emptier; A performance instead of a true feeling and it sucks.

He wonders if you were brought here for the same reason that he was; Wonders if through the obscurity through the crowd of people meandering along, you can somehow feel that he is there, watching; Wonders if you look down to the ground at the fallen petals and see the trail that leads back to him.

Wonders, and wonders, and wonders what it would be like if he wasn’t so hurt to his stomach and so desperate in his heart if he would have the courage to make himself known to you. An apology already swirling around in his breath, true and honest and not at all enough to make up for leaving you like he did two months ago, but the first step.

He steps forward, wiping a sweaty hand down his jeans, hoping that maybe you’ll look on instinct alone and see him over the crowd of people—but then your attention is called elsewhere, and the dance of the smile that he was so transfixed on escapes his sight; A figure of silver hair and wide smile suddenly appearing beside you and whisking you further into the tunnel without any hesitation from you.

It’s harrowing how loud the sound of his heart breaking is. But it’s for the best; A fool he is, in love and life.

So he turns in his place, leaving the tunnel of vicious violet from whence he came, understanding now that this blessing of wisteria was a thinly veiled disguise for the curse of the bloom, knowing now that this is what must happen when one falls into the enchantment of whimsical and ornate promises. Believing wholeheartedly in the truth of flowers; Even has them on his windowsill these days.

Immortal love, everlasting heartache. Someone he would do anything to protect.

And so it goes.

a/n: does anyone know how to make banners bc i suck at it. anyway, hope you all enjoyed! i really like writing things from kuroo's memory and i actually really enjoy this series so....

[athys-obelia]

so why did amnesiac!claude take as much time to bring back athy as he did?

(just what i think 😳😳)

i believe this is where we find the answer:

his word choice here is integral to understanding amnesiac!claude, because we aren't dealing with claude after he's raised athy. it's practically LP!claude all over again.

and even if diana may see giving birth as an act of love, claude sees it as a choice. it's her choosing someone else over him, which is why he considers it betrayal. that's what his life has been - the emperor choosing to favour anastacius, anastasius choosing to hate claude, penelope choosing to betray him. and diana, who has literally introduced him to unconditional and reciprocated love, has just done the exact same thing. diana has made a choice, and like everyone else's, it wasn't him.

in amnesia arc, we are being reintroduced to him as a character, and it's why it's so long - it's all his thoughts since he's met athy compressed into one arc.

he deals with athy the way LP!claude would, which makes sense. he wouldn't have kept someone by his side - the way everyone claims he has athy - if he didn't love them, and if they didn't love him back. and the "proof" that someone truly does love him, to claude, is the choice. the choice that everyone else failed in making. the idea that he chose athy - diana's child, the child that for all intents and purposes he planned on killing - for fourteen years and that she chose him back is quite ridiculous to him.

but that's what she's been doing all along, right?

...choosing him for her debutante, finding her happiness in going with him and not lucas or felix or ijekiel, and many more little instances like this. she's been choosing him for fourteen years, claude sees this especially when athy mentions she doesn't need to see diana because she has him (i'm pretty sure he was awake) - which is why incidents like this stopped happening:

even during the LP!timeline, athy has not given up on her father. despite having realised he will not accept her, she knows she would've died to keep jennette, his 'happy ending' alive. athanasia has unknowingly, in both timelines, become exactly what diana had hoped she would - his constant.

the one person who chooses him, over and over and over.

and what happens in LP!timeline? the moment he lets her go, pushes her away, he has no one. that happy ending is gone. i have no doubt that felix would never have stayed after athy's execution (despite being in the flashbacks of athy's birth, the massacre of ruby palace, he isn't present in the dream where claude is dying with anastacius in the shadows). he loses it all.

but here's the thing about him - despite everything, claude craves love. after being abused by his literal family, he accepts penelope yudit into his life. he may have held some positive sentiments towards her - especially after the neglect and humiliation he faced from his family and the noble court, there must've been some comfort in her presence. and she hurts him.

years later, we see claude letting diana in.

he's given away his heart twice and he knows he'll do it again, thus that portrait of penelope in his room to warn his future self. and really, after letting go of athy who poses such a threat to his heart, amnesiac!claude should feel relieved. at ease.

he isn't, though. his most trusted friend is telling him he had found love. that for the fourteen years he cannot recall, he was happy. amnesiac!claude is restless, and that desire to be wanted, chosen, is still fresh. the dream about diana puts it all into perspective. magic is not a cause, nor the effect. it is simply an aid, a catalyst. he could not have possibly forgotten diana had there been a symbol of her, of their love, right beside him - and now, chasing athy away has become a battle against his own mind. dreams cannot simply be conjured up, they are the work of the subconscious - and to deny the truth behind his safekeeping of her paintings, the protection spell on her, the chair in his office and athy's gardens, to deny all of this would be to lie to himself. so, he puts her through a final test:

and athy chooses him again.

this time, however, it isn't over felix or diana or lucas, athy has chosen claude over herself. over her safety. despite him publically denouncing her, despite an attempt on her life, she's made her choice.

it is a gamble, a risk, claude knows this. the courage to return can only be fueled by love - athanasia mentions she doesn't want to fall into his trap as well, but where does she end up, despite this fear? she returns to him, as she always does.

she doesn't pressure him. athy checks on claude everyday, advises him to keep his health a priority, she decorates his study with what I assume are lavender flowers (which are known to symbolise purity, devotion and serenity, and are given to convey a message of healing and love - spoon often plays with the symbolic significance of flowers in her panels) and despite her insecurity, invites jennette to the lake for his comfort. she stands in silent support, showing him that she will remain 'the constant'. it makes him want to remedy their relationship, understand the happiness she had apparently been giving him for years.

and so, he chooses her: