#and i cant pay my loans

[odysseys-blood]

every day my finances make me wanna kms i dont wanna do this adult shit no more

[teddytoroa]

i try to avoid pretension bc people who are smug about dumb shit make me mad but i do feel good about having no spotify no netflix no disney plus no streaming services other than tvnz on demand (completely free) and arovision (supports the last remaining film library in aotearoa) and the dvds/cds at the public library and when i listen to music its almost always on cds on my discman or albums ive bought off bandcamp. if i have to i listen to music on youtube but my adblocker is good so i never get ads. and i literally never feel like im missing out on anything and i save so much money and the money i do spend is going straight to libraries and individual artists and the occasional opshop. like idk man people seem to be very reliant on slop websites charging them increasingly high fees to feed them more and more ads and i simply do not experience this and i want you to know that its actually very possible for YOU to experience peace serenity and more money in the bank as well. its not even hard. take my hand🖐️ come with me the wonderful world of not giving money to billionaires and never watching another ad again in your life

[hballegro]

i am a metronome of 'this problem is easily solvable if you talk to a certain person in your life and it'll only get worse if you leave it be, calm down and bite the bullet' and 'you've already left it a long time and asking for help even from loved ones is really really hard so actually cry in a ball'

we must destroy the grey head jelly for being the most inconsistent and rude bastard in the world

[wacklemons]

oihhhhh the horrorsq

[mischiefmagpie]

I'm so fucking broke. I'm on my honeymoon and I can't even buy my beloved a fucking cup of coffee or my mother a postcard. I fucking hate myself.

[bluesidedown]

I just want to fly to Tibet and not think about character growth or the future or navigating relationships

[sillimancer]

in the "idk what I'm gonna do if I don't get this job but whatever I do it'll probably end up on the 6 o'clock news" phase of worrying about this job interview

[dhampir-dyke]

.

[mirrortouchedsea]

Everyone tells me to just stay the same (but it's not like that)

Word count: 1640

Summary: Hinata finally decides to tell Rinne about his past at Yumenosaki. CW for Setsubun mentions, identity issues, and mentions of abuse

Read on AO3

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Hinata isn’t entirely sure what compels him to send a message to the leader of Crazy:B. Rinne Amagi had a habit of doting on him and treating him like another younger brother, which he knew Yuta wasn’t a big fan of. Yuta would often call Rinne a bad influence on Hinata, but Rinne was also one of the only people who treated him like a normal kid. 

It was kind of addicting in a way. It wasn’t just Rinne who had treated him like that either. The rest of Crazy:B had taken him in as one of their juniors (despite the fact that Kohaku was younger than Hinata) and Alkaloid, or at least Hiiro, had taken a liking to him as well. He treasured those nights that he spent with Niki and Hiiro playing video games and snacking on homemade sweets late into the night. 

Maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that the first person he texted was Rinne on the anniversary of Setsubun. It had only been a year and yet it felt so much longer than that. He was grateful that the year since then had been filled with smiles and warmth, much more than years previous had been. The Amagi brothers were partially responsible for that change in his life. 

Rinne responded quickly and asked if he’s alright since he doesn’t normally send cryptic messages like this in the middle of the day. He said he’ll be there in 15 minutes after debriefing with his unit. 

Hinata didn’t bother replying to that, instead opting to just tell Rinne everything when he gets to the rooftop garden with him. He needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to tell Rinne anyway. It’s not in the older man’s nature to judge people based on things they can’t control, and he would understand a lot of Hinata’s own problems…probably. Rinne also wasn’t fond of showing weakness in front of other people. 

Hinata sat at the edge of the garden, towards the back. Being so high up reminded him of that day, but this was almost cathartic in a way. He was in a better place now, with people who didn’t know about that incident at all and cared for him as his own person. As much as he knew Yuta didn’t like the nickname Rinne gave him, it was a comfort for Hinata. 

Hina, such a simple nickname and yet it was a breath of fresh air, a new start, and here he was about to change everything. He just hoped that Rinne wouldn’t change how he talked with Hinata afterwards. 

Hinata was dangling his feet over the edge, looking down at the bustling street below when Rinne finally sat beside him. 

“What’s up, Hina? Somethin’ on your mind?” Rinne’s voice was gentle today, soft and even. Such a strange contrast to the Rinne most people knew. 

“Mmm, you could say that,” he replied, not looking at the older man. “Rinne, have you ever felt like…people don’t see you for you?” 

Rinne chuckled. “Every damn day Hina. Even back home…” he trailed off. Hinata knew not to push that topic. 

The two of them were like peas in a pod in that sense. 

Hinata laughed too. “Yeah, I knew you’d get it.” 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Rinne waiting patiently for Hinata to keep going and Hinata searching for the words to say. But just having someone else there helped keep him from spiraling too much. 

“I just…feel like people wouldn’t miss me if I was gone, because they see me and Yuta-kun as the same person. It hurts a lot but I don’t know what to do about it because…I feel the same way. Like Yuta-kun and I are one person in two, but that’s not true anymore. I try to keep telling myself that we’re different but it’s hard to change how you think when it’s all you’ve ever known.  

Yuta-kun has so many friends and is always laughing and smiling with them and I want to be like that too, but after ah…” 

“After what, Hina?” 

“After Setsubun fes, people started treating me like I would break at any moment. I’m not grandma’s fine china or anything that will break if you handle it too roughly! But everyone at Yumenosaki can’t seem to get past that video.” 

Hinata still couldn’t look at Rinne, but he knew Rinne was confused. He hadn’t known about Setsubun at all. Of course he hadn’t, he didn’t go to school with them and was much too old to have been there at the same time as Hinata even if he had. It’s why he was drawn to him in the first place, along with his roommates, Niki and Hiiro. 

“Ah, sorry. You don’t have any idea what I’m talking about, do you?” 

“Not a clue.” 

“Long story short, I had a mental breakdown on the roof of the school last year and…it was filmed and everyone at the school saw it. It’s not like I had much of a choice in the distribution either, so everyone was just watching me like I wasn’t a real person.” 

Rinne moved a hand to Hinata’s back and began rubbing gentle circles between his shoulder blades. There were damp spots on Hinata’s cheeks. He rubbed his eyes with his hands balled up in fists. Why did his lowest moment have to be broadcast to everyone he knew? Why was it made to seem like a spectacle for people to watch and not do anything to help? Even after his monologue to his brother making it clear that he didn’t want to be treated like the same person anymore and not knowing how to distinguish himself without just moving into the background, nobody offered him help. 

He was drowning in the unknown and it took the creation of ES and Crazy:B for him to find a lighthouse to guide him to somewhere safe. Even when Crazy:B was against the entire world, hated by everyone, Rinne and the other members never once hurt 2wink. After their collaboration at the nightclub Rinne had taken a liking to Hinata. He was there for him to lean on when he wasn’t sure about the direction of his unit or how to be a big brother or a good senior to the new first years or just how to navigate life. 

At some point, Rinne had pulled Hinata into a side hug and just let him cry into his side. Hinata leaned into the touch and allowed himself to let it all out. 

Rinne’s hugs were always warm. 

It took several minutes of crying before Hinata ran out of tears. His sobs turned to sniffles and he pulled his legs to his chest. 

“You didn’t deserve any of that, Hina.” Rinne’s voice was serious, but not cold. It was a warm honey-sweetened tea on a rainy day. 

Another stretch of silence. Hinata’s head was spinning and numb and full of cotton. 

“But…I know how it feels. When I was younger, I had to keep my emotions in check, especially in front of other people. Any sign of weakness was always punished by my father. ‘A good leader doesn’t cry’ he would tell me. 

When my mom died, I was…eight or nine. I couldn’t cry at her funeral and when we returned home I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ll spare you the details but he punished me severely. I never wanted Hiiro-kun to see me like that again and I made myself stop feeling. It felt like I was just there to be the next leader of the village, never allowed to be myself. 

What I’m tryin’ to say here is that I get it. I know how it feels for people to try and put you in a box that doesn’t fit, and how they treat you when you finally break. It’s okay to be frustrated and angry that it happened, but you can’t let it consume you. Show the world that Hinata Aoi is his own person, that you aren’t just that video and that you’re here to stay.” 

Hinata sniffled and leaned more into Rinne’s touch. 

“Thanks, Rinne-senpai. It means a lot, heh. I guess we all have our own burdens to carry.” 

“Yeah. Life is about learning to carry them and not let them drag you down. If it gets too heavy, I’ll be there to pick you back up and carry it for you.” 

“You don’t have to go that far, Rinne-senpai. How will I learn to carry my burdens if you take them for yourself? Wouldn’t that just make it heavier on you?” 

“I’ll take on everyone’s burdens if it means they get to smile just for one moment. I’ll fight fate itself if that’s what it takes.” 

“I’m not sure why, but I believe that you would find a way to do that, even though most people would say it’s impossible.” 

“Thanks for believing in me, Hina.” 

Hinata laughed, Rinne lightened the mood just enough that he felt like everything was at peace for the moment. His cheeks were stained with tears and his eyes would be puffy and red when he returned to the dorm, but at least he’d be smiling. 

Even if the world was against them, Hinata could count on Rinne at least being in their corner no matter what. Rinne was a lighthouse to people like Hinata, a steady light in the rocky ocean saying that someone is there, watching out for you. 

Despite the front that he put up and how he had a bad habit of pushing people away, Rinne was always there when it mattered. 

Hinata fell asleep curled up on the rooftop as Rinne hummed a gentle melody from his hometown. And everything was right with the world. 

[sheepyyyyyy]

.

[preeeow]

nothing like desperately trying to calm your capitalist hellscape panic so you can stop crying so you can go to work 👌👍

[llycaons]

my roommate and her bf were up again last night...singing together? I felt bad but I had to be like guys...you're really cute but it's 11:30. please. and then she spent like 45 minutes on the phone w her family after that like arguing? 😭 and ik they're in different time zones but like. girl. I was okay today but the office called and said there's an opening bc of a cancelation so I'm going for my MRI tomorrow at 6 am which means a 5am wakeup time...okay!!!

[famewolf]

had a dream where i put my two weeks in at random even though I had nothing lined up and I was being So chill about it ... when in reality I'd be losing my gotdamned mind

[shummthechumm]

car shopping while everything is inflated to hell is torture actually. do i drop 5k on a well-used car and risk getting shackled to a bad vehicle; or do i take several more months to save up 10k (at minimum) to get a less-well-used car but also restricting my university progression because my campus is 40+ minutes away + im not paying for a dorm

[etoile-gracieuse]

why. why does it take a masters to become a librarian. my bachelors is LITERALLY 90% of what the #1 program in the states is. so like let me pick up the 10% on the way i just want to be Happy

[xoshepard]

OMFG I ONLY NEED TO MAKE $19/hr TO SURVIVE AFTER I MOVE HOME AND THAT WOULD COVER ALL OF MY LOANS AND MY PHONE BILL AND SAVINGS AND EVERYTHING.... do my parents know that they are saving my fucking life by allowing me to move back in fhskdhdj holy shit bro